#it’s always these hoes that be getting into situations and make the most tragic love stories with their co workers

[milesworld96]

Nah cus shipping is wild, why are we recycling these same hoes

[sheepfulsheepyardinspace]

Do you have any Star Wars fanfic recommendations, or have a link to someone else's list? I really wanna veg out.

oh my god, DO I. this may have been the best ask in the world. i’m not really sure what u want a feel for, so i threw together some of my favorite longfics for maximum veg time from the ot/pt and links for swr and swtcw recs. they’re pretty much all luke-anakin/vader centric, since that’s kinda my bread and butter.

let’s start with frodogenic, who wrote the first longfic i ever read in sw and might be one of the funniest authors ever. they once reviewed my fanfic & i nearly cried from joy. anyway. 

The Father, 284k+, complete. “Ten years after ROTS, tormenting nightmares of his unborn child drive Darth Vader to extraordinary measures with unexpectedly drastic consequences. Clearly, experience has taught Darth Vader nothing...” 

this is my og star wars fic and boy oh boy is it amazing. i will never get over this. i don’t want to spoil anything but when i say the final chapters are great? i mean they’re legendary. sometimes i still think about them & wish upon a star that i could be such a great writer. vader’s amazing, han is spectacular, and the ocs are fantastic.

Far More Than Rubies, 70k+, complete. “Nine years after AOTC, tragedy revisits the Lars Homestead. Little Luke Skywalker is suddenly plunged into chaos as the rebel movements discover a secret military project that may make a crucial difference in the war with the Empire.”

the spiritual twin of The Father, FMTR takes a look at padmé’s character and relationship with both luke and anakin/vader that’s hard to beat. it’s darker and heavier than The Father, but it hits those same sweet, sweet emotional beats while raising the age-old question: if padmé had lived, what would she have done?

The Family Tree, 12k, complete. “In which Luke Skywalker is stranded in a tree waiting for a flash flood to recede. Too bad he's got company...”

okay, i admit, this isn’t a longfic, but it is a longshot, and it’s amazing. the imagery and description always blow me away, and the interaction (canon-compliant) between luke and vader just [chef’s kiss] get me. vader’s in full, glorious form, and it makes it all the harder when luke wrestles with the knowledge that vader is his father.

Sibling Revelry, 25k, complete. “After Bespin and before Endor, Darth Vader is shocked to discover that Luke and Leia are twins. He's even more shocked when Imperial Intelligence reports that Organa and Skywalker are, erm, a tad closer than previously suspected.”

this is complete crack and humor in the best way possible. it’s crack treated entirely seriously, and you will be in stitches, i promise. no matter how many times i’ve read this i break down.

KittandChips (@kittandchips) writes what i can only describe as food for the soul. the luke-vader interaction is insanely amazing, the world building of daily imperial life and imperial governance is amazing, and vader just has a special je ne sais quoi that u must read to understand––tragic, funny, and so, so fatherly. they’re currently rewriting the Force Bond Series to fit in with newer canon, so i will joyously binge reread the entire again (including the new Force Bond: Mustafar Weekend).

Force Bond 1: Orphan, 47k, complete. “After Owen and Beru are killed by a mysterious stranger, young Luke ends up as an orphan on Coruscant. It's a race against time as Obi-Wan struggles to find Luke before Vader realizes the boy is his son.”

Orphan kicks off the series, which tracks vader and luke’s relationship through the perils of luke’s teenagerhood while growing up under the eye of the emperor and imperial court. it’s filled with slow growth, struggle and misunderstandings as darth vader tries to single parent, and pay off in every installment. the entire series clocks in around 777k+ and is the most joyful, fulfilling reading you’ll ever have. promise.

darth-nickels (@darth--nickels) writes darker, twistier, and terribly, terribly heartwrenching aus. they’ve got a whole host, but let me introduce to my two favorites. also, check out their faux-academia on vader. it’s amazing and i love it, but i admit i am an academia hoe.

Dooku Captured, Pt 2, 16k, complete. “Dooku is taken alive onboard the Invisible Hand, and Sidious' web is torn. The Sith Lord wonders if death might have been preferable to clumsy interrogation by Anakin Skywalker.”

Dooku Captured is a longshot au told from Dooku’s pov which takes the beginning of ROTS and throws it on its head. it’s a fascinating outside perspective of anakin and obi-wan’s relationship and such and interesting examination of dooku’s psyche and especially his complex relationship with the jedi order, qui-gon, yoda, and palpatine. i cannot rec this one enough.

Black Mirror, 90k, incomplete. “The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history.”

Black Mirror diverges into swr territory, but make no mistake: this is entirely an examination of vader and, later, obi-wan as well as ahsoka. luke makes his appearance later in the game, and boy oh boy will you love luke’s portrayal is a microcosm of luke and vader’s relationship within canon. heed the tags, though.

jerseydevious ( @jerseydevious ) is, first and foremost, one of my favorite people on earth. secondly, though, she’s an amazing writer with a deep understanding of vader’s character and psyche, a flair for beautiful depictions, and the true ability to wring every emotion out of your body.

Two and a Half Men (with a baby), 13k, incomplete. “After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it's the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord's back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy. Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.”

Two and a Half Men will stick with you, dude. like no other. i promise. it’s a whirlwind ride with obi-wan, vader, and piett and as funny as it is heartbreaking. it touches on some heavy issues and doesn’t shy away from looking at the damage done to vader––again, heed the tags.

Helioseismology, 4k, complete. “Luke gets shot down on a supply run and caught in an ice storm. It's extremely lucky that his father followed him there.“

i’ll admit. im completely biased about this one because it was a birthday gift to me and i am sucker for litcherally anything when jd puts pen to paper, but believe me when i say you will be awed by the depth and tangled relationships between these luke and vader that jersey can illustrate in a stroke of the paintbrush. im love. always.

izzythehutt ( @izzythehutt ) i am blown away by the intricate dialogue and characterization, always. and the latin puns? im sold. im also a sucker for latin puns, but that’s a story for a different time.

In Loco Pirates, 34k, complete. “A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties--Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who--to the surprise of no one--has a bad habit of telling 'amusing' anecdotes from the Clone Wars.”

hondo, aka the best character of swtcw, is brought to life just as vividly on paper as on screen. his entire personality brings luke and vader’s difficulties in a sort of incredulous light, which makes it as funny as it is vulnerable and tragic. the sequel, Palpatine Ad Portas, brings piett into the spotlight, and oh man do his interactions with palpatine and vader bring u all the uncomfortable vibes. relish in it.

sparklight ( @littlesparklight ) man. lemme introduce u to an amazing prolific and detailed writer. i will never get over the series they’ve written & neither will u.

Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn’t Get Away, 122k, incomplete. “One-shots surrounding either AU situations of canon/legends works where Luke would normally have gotten away (or Vader is simply inserted into the action to come pick his child up) but in these instances doesn't, or completely new scenarios of the same. There are no deep ruminations on consequences of the situations here, just our awful Sith dad picking his son up when he'd rather not be.”

exactly what it says on the tin. u know those glorious moments of fanfic where luke’s gotten captured and ur on pins and needles, waiting for vader to show up in a moment of dark glory? here’s the moment. here’s all the moments.

Space Race, 122k, incomplete. “Owen gives in to Luke's wish to attend the Imperial Academy and Obi-Wan is too late to avert it, though he's not too late to make sure Luke leaves Arkanis before Vader can gets his hands on him. Luke spends over a month running around the galaxy before his father gets him, and from there...”

this story relishes in chase and boy is it fun. it will keep you on the edge of your seat and it’s an amazing ride.

The Suns of Tatooine, 85k, complete. “Luke ends up on a moon swamped in dark side energy after a mission goes wrong, then his father appears... and then they go on a bit of a learning experience. This could've been the only thing that would come of getting through a Sith complex with his father, but thanks to going to free Han earlier than the gang did otherwise, more revelations are had. Will that change anything?”

this series is a thoughtful, contemplative piece examining the nature of the force and the relationship the skywalkers have with tatooine. the descriptions are beautiful, the inventiveness is amazing, and you’ll be thinking about it for long afterwards.

an additional few…

Between Flight and Longing; 34k, complete. “Luke Skywalker and Han Solo journey to the planet Balen'ar on a desperate mission and find more than they'd bargained for.”

a classic and it is for a reason. the interaction between han, luke, and vader is so spectacular and the slow trudge of going through the forest with your greatest enemy and best friend is something hilarious. the end is bittersweet and fantastic.

The Sith Who Brought Life Day, 13k, complete. “An Imperial officer loses a bet and has to get Darth Vader a present for Life Day.”

somewhere between terrifying and dull, this fic presents a canon-compliant look at the hunt for luke and the grinding wheels of the empire. the oc is amazing and it echoes in true star wars spirit: sometimes it’s just some dude who can change the galaxy.

Quintessence, 5k, complete. ‘“Well, Master, I think I’ve found the one positive aspect of this situation.” “Which is?” “The Temple won’t have to pay the costs for our funeral pyres.”’

pure hilarity and shenanigans abound in pre-aotc obi-wan and anakin hijink goodness. lemme tell u––u will deeply sympathize with mace windu afterwards. additionally, check out the rest of the author’s oneshots! they’re deeply thoughtful and the interactions the author writes between obi-wan and anakin are always gold.

some extras & shameless self-promotion

here’s a full list of recommendations for star wars rebels fanfic in case this is what you’re looking for (remember when this used to be a swr blog, lmao)

i’ve also written sw fanfic, both swr and luke-vader centric. drop by and tell me if it’s any good!

[elysicndrcvm]

━♡ guess the 23 YEAR OLD FEBRUARY baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because CHU EUNHA is just as BEDAZZLING as the month of FEBRUARY. wait, why do they remind me of JACOB BAE? beyond that, they seemed JOYOUS and SAVVY upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of DELICATE and QUIXOTIC though. i hope they get acquainted here in COMPLEX 1 / APARTMENT 0215 / FLOOR 3 ; HE seem(s) to have a lot going on with HIS job as a PATISSERIE OWNER/NUTRITIONAL SCIENCE STUDENT. ( ez, 21, she/they, gmt. )

     well hey there !! im ez but you fellow dallyeogers can call me ezzy, i have been in dallyeog before so some may remember me as having someone v different to my new bb i bring u now, i joined before with miss tam carmen !! anygays i return with this lil angel who i am all ‘ i say that’s my baby and i’m proud ’ over already even tho i literally came up with him like two days ago. you can find his pinboard here ( which btw i fuckeN love like he’s so aesthetic to me u go king ) and i made him a lil playlist which u can vibe to here. you can learn more about him under the cut but he’s a super soft-hearted gentle dove of a muse and quite...simple for me ?? sdhdh that’s not the right wording but U GET IT djjflg he isn’t super full of angst or trauma he’s just kinda viBIN livin his best life so that’s fun !! but ye without further ado: 

so as u kno from his app he owns a patisserie, it’s his lil babey and he is very dedicated to his craft and makin sure all his ideas for the place and the baked goods he sells are like rlly quirky and avant-garde. like he is so passionate about it u dont even KNOW, he tries to make sure most of the stuff on his menu is something like fun and new u wouldn’t get at just any old patisserie or cafe and that it’s super varied and also kinda aesthetic af? the place is very like trendy. it’s called patisserie d’elysian cause ya know he’s an extra biTCHH and proud.

he has three pupperino’s. all as adorable as each other, snickerdoodle is his golden lab and often ppl shorten it down to snickers, butterscotch is his dapple daschund pup, shortens the name to scotchie often. toulouse is his fancy toy poodle boi, shortens the name down as toto. if u are on the shortened name basis with his pups then u can consider urself one of his close pals. 

he’s actually adopted by his aunt but she raised him like she was his mother so that is what he considers her, she’s on his mother’s side but they are half-siblings. in terms of first name reasoning as well she just liked eunha as a name and didn’t even think about how it is traditionally for a female, she liked that it meant gift from heaven so it stuck. his father is still around, he’s just quite elderly so it felt like a better living situation for him to be raised primarily by his auntie. unfortunately his mother has passed on but no tragic story, she just went peacefully in old age. 

he dyes his hair quite often, it’s currently like a really pastel blue with black streaks consistently throughout like lil ones so it looks super cool. but he’s also had it be a more electric blue, lilac, and a duck egg kinda faded silvery blue. it’s naturally dark brunette. has brown eyes kind of a hazel hue. 

his style is kinda androgynous ig?? he just lives for soft retro fashion, lots of color in his wardrobe but also lots of tapered short and t-shirt fits frequented, sweater vests, rolled up jeans, high skater boi socks, soft jumpers with shirts, shirts in bright colours or satiny texture worn over plain white t-shirts, cardigans, pastel denim jackets, jeans with printed patterns on like clouds, flowers etc, favors yellow and blues. sometimes does eye makeup, occasionally wears heels bc he’s a baddie or super heeled boots/chunky shoes. 

obsessed with music, can play violin and guitar. he’s a big mitski and rina sawayama fanatic, likes anything that sounds peaceful or calming or has like a good fun vibe to it. also likes the trademark gay icons like carly rae jepsen, lorde, etc. he’s not ashamed. obsessed with mamma mia movies. but also likes rap which is rlly funny cause its like the bad bitch female rappers only and like he’ll listen to it while arranging his sock drawer or making his bed or something ajdjdj it’s like hype anthems for being a baddie and a hoe and he’s just doing his night sleepy routine adkfkf. 

showers, blankets, music, baked goods especially bagels are his happy places. 

very much a sensitive lil romanticist, falls in ‘love’ like five times a day, he just likes to giggle and smile around pretty people and admire the artwork hnghdh, he’s like yeARNS though ya know?? like he’s all i will flirt by making prolonged eye contact, i made you a playlist, this song makes me think of you etc. it’s either memes as flirting with him or elaborate love letters u never know what ur gonna get akdkd. 

awful sense of humour, loves his friends more than anything on earth except his pups, would fully live in a huge house of just like his pups and all his closest buds for all eternity. likes fruits way too much, enjoys puns about fruits way too much. milkshakes, sushi, orange hues and bus rides are some of his absolute favorite simple pleasures of life. clouds, flowers, salt lamps, the sunrise over the sea, skateboarding, fresh soda, teddy bears, busy street markets, parasols, fish tanks with exotic fish, sorbet, bike riding, polaroids, record players, rain at night against floor to ceiling windows with a fresh steaming pot of tea on the desk beside it and warm fresh sheets from the laundry on his bed, ponds, skateboarding. all little joys in life that give him like the biggest pleasure dopamine hit in the world. 

his cousin actually owns a florists so he has flowers just littering his apartment like a lot and it just looks like he has ten million suitors from the late eighteenth century attempting to court him but no all these flowers are from him to him or worse from his aunt djfjg she sends him some for valentines every valentines, pls help him, pls send him flowers. 

studies nutritional science and he fucken hates it. do not ask him shit cause he doesn’t KNOW OKAY? he doesn’t understand it either. he took it because he needed something to go alongside the passion for baking that was a real ‘qualification’/job so that is the only reason he’s doing it. no point doing a baking degree after all when he’s already a baker with a business, he’s super young still he gotta keep his prospects open. so YAH. he’d rather be doing culinary arts but eh. nutritional science sounded better and more logic based. the real miracle is he still gets top grades all the time even tho he spends his life like wtf am i even doing is this even legit akdkdk. school is the worst thing in the world for him watch his mood instantly deflate the second its brought up. 

despite being a quixotic, he’s a lil afraid of intimacy. like oh god does he love it, those small touches and acts of affection u kno? the subtle things that normally go unnoticed, eye contact, brushing of hands, linking of little fingers, rubbing a thumb, kissing eyelids or foreheads or palms or shoulders in little gentle pecks, back massages and rubs or finger tracing patterns absent-minded, shoulder massages, laying your head on someone’s shoulder or on their lap, knocking knees together, exchanging a small glance only the two of you get before bursting into laughter, smiling into kisses, napping together, having blankets placed over you warm and fresh, or towels put ready like it, someone making you something they know you like a lot. that’s his sHIT. but like he’s terrified still, someone skimming their fingers on his skin makes his breath hitch like he’s a scandalized and alarmingly aroused victorian woman sjdjd. he’s literally still a virgin, he hasn’t even had his first kiss okay my baby is delicate be gentle with him akdkd but he still LIKES PASSION AIGHT kfkf. 

real soft spoken, honey tinted voice like i shit u not this boy talks like he’s an angel sent from heavens above to guide you to the paradisaical garden of eden or some shit akdkd. ur gonna fall in love with eunha’s voice before u even fall in love with any other part of him like his adorable beaming smile or stunning eyes akdkf. 

has dance parties around his room when getting ready in the morning, listens to bella’s lullaby unironically yes from twilight yes u heard right, bit of a himbo streak sometimes in his obliviousness djfjf. quite silently subtly funny actually much like jacob himself. 

he is gay, afraid of driving, cannot do math, blanks out often and he is valid for all of those things. has a collection of cartoon and disney animal movie dvds. has a dream notebook. always has blue painted nails in some kinda shade. 

does not enjoy turning in assignments bc he is scared he’ll fail, avoids looking at his grades for weeks after they’re released and hates knowing that they’re out. 

cannot dance, dances often. collects vintage stuff esp clothes and mostly sweaters. likes midnight trips to corner stores and fields where he can just lay and look at the stars. makes friends rlly easily but has super bad performance anxiety. cannot ever have a messy room like even the tiniest bit messy. even like clothes being stacked on a chair instead of away. 

bakes peanut butter, banana and choc chip muffins (they r called monkey bites normally) whenever he’s super stressed. if u want to cheer him up when he’s anxious or stressed then u should give him french lavender honey, chia seeds and caramelized pear on toast/bagel. it is his comfort food. he fancii when he needs a pick me up. treat urself and all that. 

[woodyclawson]

( MILO VENTIMIGLIA + CISMALE ) —  Have you seen WAGNER ‘WOODY’ LAWSON ? This FORTY-ONE year old is a/an BARN MANAGER who resides in STATEN ISLAND. HE/HIM has/have been living in NYC for FOUR YEARS, and is/are known to be STEADY and HUMBLE, but can also be BLUNT and DISSONANT, if you cross them.  People tend to associate them with THE SMELL OF FRESH HAY and AGED WHISKEY

Name: Wagner ‘Woody’ Lawson

Age: Forty-One

Birthday: January 25, 1979

Sign: Aquarius

Neighborhood: East Kingsboro

Home: Quaint two-bedroom home with a small yard

Occupation: Barn Manager

Character Quote: “Sometimes I feel like Jesse James / Still tryin�� to make a name / Knowing nothing’s gonna change what I am” ~Troubadour by George Strait

Pos. Traits: Hard-Working, Steady, Humble

Neg. Traits: Blunt, Firm, Dissonant

Likes: farm work, aged whiskey, loping through the open country

Dislikes: people who push around others, well-done steak, warm beer

Aesthetic: tennessee whiskey, the smell of fresh hay, roping

Born in Tennessee Wagner Lawson was raised along the banks of Mississippi mud, never given a chance to be anything but the down-home country boy, which had always suited Wagner just fine. His daddy was a colt starter and former rodeo champion, having won national titles for roping and reining. From the moment Wagner could waddle he was following his daddy around everywhere, at first just watching as his father worked and as he got older helping with the chores himself. He found that spending time tending to the many horses cathartic and volunteered for just about any chore that would get him around them. Never once did he need to be asked to pitch in to do what was needed at the family ranch, from picking vegetables in the garden for his mama to helping his daddy check the cattle fences. As far as most childhoods go, his was pretty perfect. Sure, sometimes his dad drank too much and sometimes his mom just would not stop fussing over him, but he had no cause to complain.

His father, seeing his boy take an interest in horses at such a young age decided to help Wagner begin to follow in his footsteps. As a kid he enrolled Wagner in the pee-wee portion of rodeos where his wife would take pictures of the young boy struggling to stay on the back of a wildly running sheep, but in the end, he stayed on. He almost always did. With natural talent like that his father was quick to get his son started on the path to becoming a bull-rider. His mama threw fits and got into fights with his daddy, it was too dangerous, he could be hurt, killed even, but as he got older and started to have a mind of his own there was nothing that he wanted to do more. So he practiced, and practiced. By sixteen he was competing on broncs, a safer alternative to the bull, and was cleaning up at junior rodeos, his room becoming full of belt buckles, the tack room full of all the special made trophy tack he had won. But being bucked was far from his only talent. At age ten he had broke his very first colt and at twelve he was winning local roping competitions. He even became adept at helping his dad sort and catch cattle, something he was never fond of but did anyways as it was expected of him. Despite how it sounds, his childhood wasn’t all work. While never the best in school he managed to get passing marks and had a group of boys he roughhoused and fucked around with who were constantly getting him into trouble as a teenager.

Fast forward a few years and he was one of the hottest young bull riders to hit the circuit. But his career as a rider didn’t last as long as anyone would have hoped. The reason? He fell in love. Some would have called the pretty woman he fell in love with a buckle bunny, what with her affinity of dating all the big rodeo stars, but when him and her spent one night together the rest was history. Now twenty-two and married with a baby on the way, Wagner knew he could not be as hell mell as he had been for the past few years. He now had a family to think about; and so, he quit bull riding and switched exclusively to broncs. It was still dangerous, but the risks less than if he was on the back of a bull. Life went on and for the most part the little family was happy, until tragedy struck. On the night of his twenty-eighth birthday, with his wife and little girl in the stands, he overtightened the strap around his hand. At first everything seemed to be going well, he had one of his best times, but as he threw himself off the bucking bronco his hand caught. It was an instant disaster. The animal began to panic, bucking harder and higher, with Wagner hanging on for dear life. His only blessing was that the first hoof to his head knocked him out cold. He was rammed into the side of the fence and drug for minutes before those in charge of wrangling the horse were finally able to calm it down. In the midst of the chaos, his wife, fretting over her husband, had not noticed her daughter slip down through the stands calling out for her daddy. No one noticed her presence in the ring until it was too late. All it took was one wrong move from the frightened animal and the sunshine of Wagner’s life was no more.

The blow to Wagner’s own head had been so severe that he was kept in a medically induced coma for two-weeks, giving the wounded flesh time to heal. When he awoke, his whole world was shattered. He grieved, and as he did his grief turned to anger. Anger at the situation, anger at the long arduous healing process, and anger at himself. But all that anger had to go somewhere, and with the only person around during his recovery being his wife, she took the brunt of it. It took him a little over a year to fully heal physically, and during that time he began to develop a dependency on his pain medication. He spent his days sitting in front of the tv drinking beer after beer on top of the opiates as his wife worked in a small diner to try and keep the roof over their heads. One day, a year and half after the tragic accident, the woman had decided that she had had enough. She gave Wagner an ultimatum, get help or she was gone. It led to largest fight yet, a massive blowout that made it clear where Wagner stood.

At that point he was nearing thirty and with nowhere else to go moved back in with his parents. His father though older now was still tough as nails and no patience for his son’s pansiness as he called it. He put Wagner to work. Sober or not he was expected to help, and if he didn’t, God help him. At first he railed, his rage boiling over and eclipsing everything. Rather than argue with his son, the elder Lawson simply gave him a new task. It would be his only job- start the colts. It was something Wagner had used to excel at, but his anger and rage at the horse’s mis compliance made things difficult. The gentle animals became scared of him and began to lash out. One colt in particular, a beautiful bay, resented Wagner more than any of the others, and he let him know it. That was Wagner’s wake up call. He ended up forming a bond with that colt that pulled him out of his stupor and set him back on track. His special relationship with that animal also earned him a nickname, Woody, because wherever Woody went, Buzz followed. Buzz and Woody quickly began racking up wins in roping and reining competitions, and for the next years, Woody allowed himself to feel the happiness that had come into his life. The two traveled all over the countryside, with Woody picking up odd jobs such as stable hand or working cowboy. Until one competition where in the middle Buzz came up lame with an injury too bad to fix, leaving Woody the tough choice of having to put his beloved companion down.

That was four years ago. Woody now resides in Staten Island, working at the local equine therapy and riding lesson program center. He’s the barn manager, the one in charge of making sure the stable hands are doing their job and that the horses are receiving the correct care. It’s a big job, and one he takes seriously. Being around the majestic animals once more is helping him slowly heal, correctly this time, from all the bad that has happened to him. It is a hard road to hoe, but step by step he’s doing it. Perhaps one day he’ll once more be ready for a horse of his own.

[ziracona]

are you sick of me Loving Trapper yet? you will be. anyway. if you had given evan more screen time/developed him further, what would you have done/where would you have gone? how badly would he get dunked on at every turn? any specific thoughts?

I did not realise you had a specific love for Trapper actually 😂. I just thought you were very much enjoying most existing dbd characters.

Hmmm, so, to preface, Evan I have complicated thoughts on, and probably a less popular take as far as the fandom goes? Usually, my feelings towards Evan are that he’s an interesting character and would be fun to write, and that’s what they started as too, but I was really shocked when I first went from playing dbd to finding online fandoms & saw that he’s such a wildly like, nicely/sympathetically portrayed character? Instead of just a fan favourite for being interesting? It also made me sad and kinda peeved that while Philip also just gets passed over tragically when it comes to shipping period, his existing ships are basically just Trapper and Nurse? (And Dwight, although that tapered off a lot). And it rubbed me really wrong that Trapper, who is a rich white 1860s estate owner who killed his workers for shits, was one of the two most popular options for the tragic and well-intentioned Nigerian dude? I mean like, Evan being a rich white 1860s or earlier estate owning man who came to view weak/poor/working class as maggots being the case? It’s uhhh, it’s pretty damn likely he wouldn’t have exactly been an abolitionist, let alone a progressive person period. So. That really bothered me. A lot.

The whole personality take bothered me largely bc many characters who are canon-objectively much more nice or good or sympathetic get little or much less attention period ( Sally, Joey, Julie, Adiris, Lisa—even Max and Philip, who were both p OG right with him, &), while his entire murders-people-no-problem shtick got largely ignored in favour of “Evan is a chill nice dude outside of trials” for I still don’t know the reason? Which like, I don’t mean liking him as a character ever bothered me at all, nor do I mean that people can’t have their HCs, it just really threw me for a loop to see him so consistently interpreted so very far from his in-game description, and it did bother me he got that while so many canonically more decent killers didn’t? (+ the list above uh, not weirdly enough, is completely made of women, poc, &/or disfigured & disabled characters so. : / But that’s it’s own topic).

As a character, I think Evan is very cool. He’s been very fun to write! The man is much more complex than say Mr. Chase, both in backstory and situation, and he’s been in the realm a long ass time, which could lead to some pretty interesting storytelling potential for him, or even hypothetically change and growth as a human being (or alternately but potentially just as interestingly, a more canonical slide into servititude and loyalty to the Entity and hunger for violence and suffering). He’s actually got some more time in the prequel bit than he did in ILM I think. He’s definitely not a good person (I mean, ye obvs), but he’s got some layers, and is more interesting than many of the antagonists. By the time of ILM, he’s kind of the Entity’s favourite? Aside from Kenneth. It’s like, Evan is the hardworking associate who has been on-site for 20 years and worked his way up to confidant and assistant manager, and Kenneth is the hoe who has been there a week and also made asst manager because he’s sleeping with the boss (which is why everyone, definitely including Evan, hated him so much). The Entity isn’t a creature that seeks out confidants in a personal way, or needs or wants social relationships, but as much as it ever did, by habit, vent or chat or whatever the hell you’d call its weird version of that, it would be Evan every time that would get the “Scully you’re never gonna believe this” while he’s just trying to chill in his estate and sip a mimosa but he’s like, “Ok. What?” If I’d given Evan more time, it would have been interesting to explore that and his personal thoughts on things and motivations for what he does some, because outsider view is almost always fun, and annoyed or exasperated outsider view can be p great!

He wasn’t someone I had reason or time to focus on in ILM, but I did develop him a decent bit behind the scenes, and he was a fun character to delve into. Uhhh I don’t think things would have ended any differently for him if he had more of his time on-screen, not in this story anyway, but he wouldn’t have gotten dunked on at every turn. Unfortunately, Evan is fairly skilled at what he does, so it would have also been a lot of him killing survivors and making them, especially poor Feng, who had the audacity to embarrass and outclass him and earned his constant antagonism for it, suffer. He is more of an interesting antagonist in many ways though, which has been fun to develop, because he certainly has a sense of pride. So, he would accept challenges probably, or fight someone one-on-one even if he didn’t have to, to prove he could. And a bad dude with a code of some kind, even if it’s just “I can squash you alone with my bare hands and will show you how true that is,” is still very interesting to work with. Means they will make and hold to some kinds of decisions, personality wise. Good for storytelling. I could say more, because I have spent some time w Mr. MacMillan, but I think I already over-answered, so I’ll leave it here. Thanks for the question! I’m sorry if you hate this answer though. TuT

[punkscowardschampions]

Venus & Leilani

Venus: Hey girl! 😘😘👋 Leilani: hiya Venus: Awh 🥺😔 how you holding up? Leilani: as expected maybe Leilani: thanks Venus: Of course, so sad! 😥😥😥 Venus: I'm totally here for you, btw Leilani: that's really nice of you Venus: Gurl, of course Venus: I'm a pretty nice person Venus: only to people who deserve it, obviously 💁 Leilani: I'm honoured 😅 Venus: You totally are 🤭 Leilani: 1st exclusive club I've been a part of, for sure Venus: That's honestly even more tragic Venus: oops 🙊 you know what I mean Leilani: 😅 Leilani: yikes Leilani: the tragedies are piling up Venus: What school did you go to before? Leilani: [the name of a school, obvs not a catholic one just standard, are we saying the ruster kids go to a fancy one cos rich and now so does she or are we keeping them #humble?] Venus: [I think you in particular need to go to a standard one to humble yourself, also you aren't smart enough to get in on your own merit so] Venus: I dated a guy who went there Leilani: oh maybe I know him Venus: He was super hot but like, so uncultured Venus: he'd never left Ireland like 🥱🥱 Leilani: I wonder if it's a coincidence that all the uncultured kids go there becos me either yet Venus: WHAT 😱😱😱 Venus: aren't you like, properly African Leilani: I've never been, I was born here Venus: oh my God that's WILD Venus: bless you Leilani: bless my parents for wanting me to have a different life, I suppose Venus: I'm in Paris as often as I can because of my daddy but we go somewhere sunny practically monthly, when the school isn't being extra 🙄 Venus: it's the only reason I stick around, honestly 😂 Leilani: he's french or he just lives there? Venus: He's American, he teaches at this AMAZING college there Venus: he's lived loads of UHMAZING places but Paris is his base now and definitely the best Leilani: what kind of accent does he have? Venus: he was from some middle of nowhere town like this, but in the US Venus: so he had to get out to live his best life Leilani: sounds like he is Venus: Totally 😘😘 Venus: he's the smartest person in his field, like EVERYONE has to go to him to know what to do Venus: hence I can't live with him because he's ALWAYS working 😩 Venus: I told him I was cool with it but he's SUPER protective of me so I have to stay here 🤷 Leilani: I know what that's like, my mum was the same Leilani: protective workaholic Venus: Poor you getting thrown into this mess Venus: ugh Leilani: Grace isn't that bad 😅 Leilani: more of a workaholic maybe but less OTT protective Venus: I guess not Venus: did you know she got stood up at the altar though Venus: would you not just lay down and DIE Leilani: me & my mum were there Leilani: so yeah Venus: 🙈 cringe Venus: we were all there honey, I can't Leilani: your bridesmaids dress was gorgeous though Venus: she can enjoy those photos 💁 Leilani: I think it'll be a long time before she's looking back at the album Leilani: longer than it's been atm Venus: DUH 😂 Venus: they'll be in the 🔥 if she's got any sense Leilani: she did re-sell her dress so maybe Venus: LOL I hope she advertised it as cursed or that woman gonna be 😤 Leilani: I'm sure she worked out why it was listed once she picked it up & saw that Grace's weight hadn't dramatically gone up or down Venus: getting dumped at the altar is next-level bad juju though it's not like she just got too excited Venus: I'd be so pissed Venus: have to sage that SO HARD Leilani: I'd be happy I got a bargain Venus: yeah, nothing says happiest day of your life like that Leilani: getting into debt for it would personally ruin the mood but you know Venus: Don't have a wedding you can't afford, obvs Leilani: yeah ideally Venus: like you can't live above your station that's just basic rules of life Venus: in all areas, tbh, not just funds Venus: like look what happened Leilani: you think he was out of her league? Venus: I can't even remember what he looked like tbh Venus: but clearly the baggage was too much regardless of how fine or not fine he was Leilani: clearly he has his own issues to do something like that Venus: Doubt it Venus: he could've bounced sooner but he still did the right thing 😂 Leilani: he should've said or done what he needed to do before it got to the altar Leilani: he had time, she was planning the wedding for like a year Leilani: maybe longer Venus: whatever, he clearly felt SO trapped by the psychoness Venus: we all know what was up Leilani: what was up was that he didn't have enough balls for the convo Venus: the defence squad is so real, chill out babes Venus: it happened, she took that L, end of story Leilani: It's unfair to blame her for him wanting out & doing it in the most cowardly way is all Leilani: she didn't deserve to be treated like that Venus: that's life, babe Venus: it's not fair Venus: if she couldn't see that coming that's on her Venus: what kind of unobservant head ass person you gotta be Venus: like I'd KNOW if my man was not feeling me 🥴🥴 Leilani: I didn't know him, I can't judge it Leilani: but I didn't foresee my dad walking out & neither did my mum Venus: big YIKES 😬 Leilani: & your dad didn't think your mum would end up keeping you Leilani: some things you can't see coming or don't want to Venus: You mean her breaking a contract? Venus: yeah, it should be illegal Venus: and you don't know what my dad knew or didn't know actually Venus: she literally took advantage of the fact he wasn't legally protected and desperately wanted me Venus: like, your point? 🤷 Leilani: my point is, dragging Grace is pretty rude Venus: She's had worse happen, as you've mentioned 🥺💔 Venus: I think she'll get over it Venus: that's if you even bothered to tell her which would be so petty, honestly Leilani: you don't know what he told her or didn't or how it affected her Leilani: maybe she won't get over it Venus: 🥱 Venus: your mom literally just died, like Venus: people have real problems, you should be the one preaching that Leilani: thanks for bringing it back up, it had slipped my mind Venus: do you like, not want to talk about her ??? Leilani: atm I don't want you to talk about Grace how you are Leilani: she's the person who's in my corner, looking after me Leilani: so yeah, I've got her back & I don't care if you think it's extra Venus: I'll talk about her however I want Venus: you're grieving and I'm trying to be nice and let you talk about it, but like, catch me letting you police me and my opinion Venus: not today, not ever, honey Leilani: say whatever you like once you've gotten away from me Leilani: I'm not trying to hear it & if I do I'm not letting it pass through unchecked Venus: As if I want to be having this conversation with you right now Venus: 😬 bigger yikes Venus: catch me trying to make you welcome at school, seriously Leilani: I can settle myself in without your help Venus: yeah, your personality is like, A++ Venus: 👏 good luck with the amount of invites you'll HAVE to turn down, damn, sis Leilani: maybe it's the grief, maybe I just don't like your personality Leilani: make up your own mind Venus: I truly do not have the time to worry about you or what you're doing Venus: you continue to think up all those what-ifs though, that's cool Venus: can be your thing Leilani: next time that it slips my mind that my mother is dead, I'm sure your opinion of me will be right there at the front Venus: okay, word of advice, milking the whole sympathy thing is not going to get you far in the long run Venus: it'll get old faster than he was running the opposite way down that altar Leilani: I don't need advice from someone who's never been here Venus: 🙄 sure babes Venus: that's some USP Leilani: it's really not Leilani: there's a really big group of us Venus: So like, get over it Venus: the levels you can't get away with being a rude ass hoe just because something bad happened to you Venus: toxicity off the charts Leilani: when I do it won't be to make you feel more comfortable Leilani: the levels it's not your place to tell me how to be when we've just met Venus: I'm not the one telling you what to say though, sis, soooooo 💁 Venus: clearly not the one who's uncomfortable am I Leilani: I said I'm not going to listen to you badmouth Grace, you can take it anywhere else & I can't stop you Venus: why are you so pressed 😂 Venus: is she checking your messages to make sure you're #grateful enough Venus: damn, ok, Angelina Jolie Leilani: I like her Leilani: that's enough reason to not want to hear it Venus: Awh Venus: big love Leilani: sure thing Leilani: I'm a big joke to you, okay then Venus: if you feel you've acted a fool, that's on you Venus: I'm unphased by this mess Leilani: no, you're trying to treat me like one, it's a very different thing Leilani: I'm not entertained or entertaining it Venus: Hoe, where??? Venus: Honestly, I'm SO curious 🤔 Venus: I offered you support and a space to talk about your mom and you've just been nothing but combative, honestly Leilani: telling me to get over it isn't supportive Venus: I'm not gonna not keep it 💯 Venus: and don't twist my words or the situation Venus: I said that was how other people would feel if you came at it all with this attitude Leilani: you have no idea where my attitude is coming from becos we don't know each other like that Venus: Why would I put my time and energy on you when you treat me like that? Venus: using your past as an excuse for bad behaviours now, no ma'am Venus: not in this house Leilani: you said I'm milking the sympathy thing when you're the one assuming everything I said here is a grief reaction Leilani: maybe I'm serving you attitude becos it's deserved Venus: so you're just like this Venus: weird flex then, babe 🤷 Venus: the luck I put out there is even more warranted Venus: cuss me out for giving you the benefit of the doubt about your foolishness, chile... Leilani: the disrespect towards your own family & entitlement you have towards being that way is what's getting you cussed out Venus: and I'm the one making assumptions Venus: 😂 Venus: Grace told you some tea and you think you're in the know now Venus: 👌👌👌 keep on that hype, waste your energy Leilani: it's all been expressed in your own words, barely sentences into this convo Leilani: your assumption was that I'd be eager to join in Venus: No, honey Venus: your assumption is that I consider them to be my family Venus: and your tone policing is literally not welcome anywhere near me Leilani: they consider you to be theirs, it should be enough of a reason not to treat them how you are Leilani: hell, human decency is that Venus: Like I said, hilarious you think you are educated on it Venus: let alone enough to lecture ME Venus: I literally got kidnapped by my father's surrogate and his partner, her brother was too cowardly to do anything about it? Venus: miss me with this nonsense, you're the one stressing on this family Venus: they love a stray, they'll accept you sis, it's all blessed Leilani: I know Grace loves you & she would never use any of your misfortunes as a way to amuse herself or anyone else, so that's what I'm speaking on Leilani: the rest is your business Venus: that's her choice? Venus: the levels I don't concern myself with what people say on me Venus: you sound mad paranoid, that's no way to live, girl Leilani: again, your advice on how I should live is unwelcome Venus: THE HYPOCRISY Venus: are you being satirical now, oh my GOD Venus: I am creased 😷😷😷😷💀 Venus: I will say whatever I want about any sad case in that family, and I can laugh at their tragic life choices, and there's 0 to be said or done about it by anyone, least of all you Venus: if they were living better lives, they'd be unphased, if they ain't, who's fault is that really, look inside not @ me Leilani: don't bring it to my door & think it won't get closed in your face, that's what has been said already Venus: 💔��� dying to be BFFs, obviously Venus: as has been said, my kindness has been thrown in my face, that's your karma Venus: I'm good Leilani: if you think that's kindness you have your own coming Venus: SIS, focus 👏 on 👏 your 👏 own Venus: your life is super sad Venus: it won't get any better wishing ill on me Venus: 🙏 on your own karma and demons, I don't have everything but I am GRATEFUL for what I do have Venus: I'm still out here trying to help you, even though you've literally cussed me out and put lies on my name ??? Venus: point fingers at your own evils Leilani: thanks for pointing out all the necessary work I need to do Leilani: but you have your own Venus: 😂😂😂 and you get to tell me because? Venus: I've evidenced all the work I DO do Venus: you're still sat here being petty Venus: couldn't be me, God bless though Leilani: I'm grateful for what I have too & part of that is gratitude I'm not you or needing to be around you if this is how it is Venus: 😬 that's so dark-sided I feel really terrible for you Venus: you can be grateful for your good without pointing out other people's bad Venus: lowkey that's kinda the point Venus: go do some charity work ASAP, work out those thoughts and all the negative they attract in your life Leilani: I'm already the charity case as you see it but okay Venus: oof Venus: the self-pity Venus: you really think you're so, so down-trodden you can't do ANYTHING to help your fellow man? Leilani: you think I am, I can't voice what I think unless I speak directly over you atm Venus: I don't allow words to be put into my mouth Venus: not by you, not by the devil Venus: offering friendship does not imply anything about you, but a lot about my character Venus: it's actually very sad you can't see that and have to take it so negatively Venus: no wonder your life is where it is Leilani: the only thing I took negatively is what you said about Grace, how quickly you withdrew your offer of friendship becos I disagreed with you about her is what says things about you Venus: Okay, so my offer is withdrawn because SEVERAL times in this short conversation, you've attempted to tell me what I THINK, what I SAY and what I DO Venus: and no, I can't have that kind of negativity around me, my protection of myself is more important than making myself a conduit for whatever ill you're trying to spread by tone policing so violently Venus: charity has to have limits or it can get twisted by people who seek to abuse it Venus: I have to go on my instincts with this one, I am not one to ignore red flags Leilani: I'm not a charity case & you're not better than me, there's my limit Leilani: I don't want your pity dressed up as friendship & I definitely don't have room for your smugness & condescension Venus: You have to ask yourself, where this inferiority complex really comes from Venus: I've not said or implied I'm better than you, so why do you feel that so strongly you have to attack my personality to convince yourself of the fact I'm actually, much, much worse than you Venus: I'm really sad for you 😥 I wish there was something I could do but that's inner work 🙏 Leilani: you literally called me a stray, so maybe that's where I got it Leilani: not to mention how ready you are to bring up every perceived flaw in my character but also call them evils as if that's a word to be casually thrown around Venus: It's truly not about you Venus: self-obsession is a sign that you're not putting in the work Venus: a happy person does not think about themselves constantly, or think EVERYONE else is too 🙄 Venus: your behaviour towards me has been flawed and it DOES signal troubling thought patterns Venus: I'm well within my right to comment on them Venus: if you think I'm wrong, you'll have no issue continuing as you are Leilani: I'm not a happy person & I am having troubling thought patterns but that's not about you Leilani: you came into this convo knowing that & what it was about Venus: I really don't think it's cool to blame your problems on your mom's passing Leilani: I'm not feeling very cool about anything atm sorry Venus: I hope you get there 🙏🙏😘 Leilani: thanks Venus: I'll see you at school then 💓 Leilani: yeah

[artificialqueens]

Échappé / Chapter 9 (Branjie) - DenDenMonMon

A/N: So we only have this and another chapter left before the story is over. This was supposed to be some sort of joke. My friend of like ten years, better known as svpermodel, kept going on and on about this “Branjie movie” she wanted to see, I pieced her tweets together and offered to make it a fanfic instead. I knew very little about the pairing and secretly plotted to slowly turned it into a Trixya fic (which I kinda did lol), but never thought I would fall in love with these characters so hard. Needless to say, I had a total of four hundred and twenty seven breakdowns trying to figure out how to wrap things up, even when we had the outline done right from the start. It was so difficult for me to reach the end because… I didn’t want it to end. But enough of my rambling, thank you so, so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. It means the world to me.

As always you can find me as DenDenMonMon on here, twitter and ao3. -Monkey

AO3 Link

Chapter 9

It hardly ever rained in LA, except when something shitty needed to happen, then the sky seemed to be falling down in pieces. It was like a movie. When the climax was approaching, when the guy was dumped, when the girl lost her job, rain was always used to set a depressing mood. The drops carried instrumental music with them, intensifying notes that would lead the viewer to a tragic ending.

Vanessa liked the rain, she liked it a lot. She had come to enjoy it, to long for it.

Although, when it did rain, people didn’t know what to do. The city itself didn’t know how to react. The permanent state of sunshine made Angelinos forget that, every once in a while, the water cycle would make the clouds release countless gallons of rain. Yet, nobody was prepared for that one day of the year when the streets flooded and the canals overflowed, street posts fell down and the power went out. Nobody knew what to do with themselves when the TV signal became erratic, and billboards were ripped from their frames. There were car accidents, because one forgot how to drive when water fell from the sky, and currents dragged all the garbage left on the sidewalks.

Thankfully, it hardly ever rained in LA.

Goosebumps appeared on her arms as Vanessa exited the church. Every piece of uncovered skin complained at the sudden change of temperature. The cold wind, charged with tiny ice molecules, played with the skirt of her black dress. It was probably too short for the occasion, but nobody would have expected her to wear anything else. The heat of her body, as it encountered the cool air, made her cheeks blush; the cold wind bit the delicate skin of her face. She pressed the girl closer to her side as they walked down the stairs. Vanessa did have half a mind to put something with a little more coverage on Elena that morning.

The sound of her high heels, mixing with the droplets hitting the ground, made everything feel even more dramatic for Vanessa. The only thing missing was a thunder slapping across the sky right that instant, to complete the horrific cinematic scene. Thing that didn’t happen.

People rushed by them, waving with one hand as the other held umbrellas, or any piece of available paper, over their heads. Promises were shouted at them, to meet in a few minutes. Neither Vanessa or Elena felt like rushing their steps. Their faces were more or less covered by the big hats and the thin veils, which shielded them from the rain – and the social responsibility to be polite. They strolled across the long parking lot, allowing their bodies to get wet and clothes to stick to their skin. After all, it hardly ever rained around there.

There was a bench at the back of the church. Its color had faded; the hard California sun had slowly but surely eaten the deep brown that covered the contraption, leaving rusty tubes of metal in full display. Even though old and colorless, the bench still served its purpose. They sat on it, water that had gathered on the seat trespassed the fabric of their dresses and reached their legs. Vanessa gladly took the reminder that she could still feel something, even if it was just the rain.

She took a moment to evaluate her life, because it was the only logical thing to do as she sat in the rain at the back of a church.

Vanessa had always thought her life was the hardest. There were some problems placed in front of her that surely nobody else could take. She was a champ for making it through so much heartache and hardship. On some days she felt invincible, she yelled at life, or God, or destiny, to bring on the next challenge. She could take it. On other days, she felt like she deserved a break. Knowing that she could overcome whatever obstacle was placed in front of her, didn’t mean that she wanted to keep on doing so.

Life had been testing her for a bit too long, it was time for her to have some rest. She thought she had found that pocket of time and space where the universe had secluded her from all harm. That was when Brooke had been thrown into the mix. Of course, Vanessa couldn’t possibly break down the most important moments of her life without thinking about Brooke. It didn’t matter if their paths had crossed only a few weeks ago, Vanessa was sure that they had been meant to find each other since the beginning of times. The girl walked into Vanessa’s life and flipped it upside down. She had never lost the ground like that. Regardless of the many emotional hurricanes she had faced, Vanessa had never felt so lost, and confused, and twisted in her entire life. It had been beautiful; nerve wracking, but beautiful. Just when she was ready to open up her heart, to let someone else in and help her carry the weight, everything came crashing down. Bad things just kept coming, one after the other.

With each battle, Vanessa knew she had the option to either let the pain make her bitter or stronger. The line separating those two was sometimes hard to see, with a tendency to change positions with every situation. The line was wiggly, drawn with chalk that threatened to disappear with the rain currents; it was volatile. She prided herself in always choosing to be grateful. At least her life wasn’t as hard as the girl’s who clung to her arm right that instant. The same girl that had to look away as the casket of her mom was placed inside the hearse.

Ben parked right behind it, and Vanessa pulled Elena by the arm to get up. The driver rushed to them with an umbrella, ready to shelter them from the merciless drops, but Vanessa shook her hand in front of herself. It was pointless, they were soaked already. Silently, Ben nodded his head, walked the short distance he had moved from the car and opened the door to help Elena in. Vanessa, jumped in the passenger seat, as it had become her tradition. Ben didn’t stop her, he never did. He settled behind the wheel and turned the car back on.

They followed the procession in silence.

Elena looked out the window with a heavy heart, her eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. Vanessa bit the loose skin of her cuticles; she tried to count the times the windshield wipers passed in front of her eyes. Anything that could distract her from the intense pain hovering above them.

“Thank you,” she whispered after a few minutes. “You really didn’t have to do this. You know I can’t pay you, right?”

With a soft smile, Ben’s stare found hers for the first time. The cars in front of them moved extremely slow. “You don’t have to, dear. I’m happy to do this, to help a friend.”

A huff escaped Vanessa involuntarily. “Don’t even mention that hoe.”

It was easier to stay angry, to be mad at the person who supposedly didn’t help; because anger was a lot easier to deal with than sadness. Vanessa couldn’t admit, not even to herself, that she had left a part of her in that condo, that every step she took away from that metal door felt heavier than the last. If she told herself how much she didn’t want to see a certain person, it prevented her from missing them.

Ben chuckled softly. “I mean you, you silly head. I’m doing this for you, and for her.” He craned his neck to look through the rearview mirror, spotting the girl drawing hearts on the tarnished window. “How is she doing?”

“Not well. It’s not like her mother was very present, but at least she had her mom, you know?”

Even when he didn’t know, even when he had never gone through an experience like that, Ben nodded. “I can’t imagine what she must be feeling; but, hey, at least she’s got you, huh?”

“Damn right!” With a heavy sigh she tried, unsuccessfully, to spot the girl through the side mirror. “She will always have me.”

Vanessa was set to keep her promise, she didn’t leave Elena’s side that day. They held each other as the casket descended, and together threw the first handful of dirt. They didn’t let go as they greeted people into Elena’s home. In a very Hispanic tradition, the whole neighborhood got together to say their final goodbye to a woman they didn’t like, showed up at the place of someone they constantly talked about behind her back. With a forced smile on her face, Elena accepted hugs, directed pots and pans wrapped with aluminum foil to the kitchen and jackets to her bedroom.

Soon, the small apartment was crowded with chatty ladies and running kids. Vanessa talked to some of the older women, discussing recipes she had never tried to cook, not even pretending she knew what they were talking about. She kept an eye on Elena, talking to her dance friends, putting a front, appearing much stronger than what she was truly feeling. Soon, Vanessa had enough and asked the ladies to excuse her so she could check on the girl.

“How you feeling, baby?”

Elena pressed her lips into a thin line, and shrugged her shoulders, not really wanting to give an answer. Silence enveloped them for a minute, until the other girls understood they needed privacy. Between whispers and made up excuses, they got up and left them alone.

Vanessa took one of the now empty seats next to the girl. “Aight. I get it. I’m done talking with those clucking hens over there, too.” She pushed her chin in the direction of the women she had been talking to. Her comment didn’t get the laughter she was expecting in response. Honestly, she didn’t even know what she was expecting, she had no idea how to act in that situation. But she did know Elena, and she knew that she needed to figure out things on her own. Vanessa wanted to be there, but, at the same time, give her enough space to breath. It was complicated, to say the least. “Fine. We don’t have to talk.” Her stare travelled around, her fingers tapped her own knee, unsure of what to do with herself. They both sat in silence, watching people eat, and talk, and laugh, because that was the norm in Hispanic households.

Suddenly, there was a tap on Vanessa’s shoulder. “Vanjie, can I talk to you?” Michelle’s steady voice saved her from the awkward moment.

“Bitch, yes!” Vanessa replied a little too quick, thankful for the distraction. Catching herself, she sat straight, placing a hand on Elena’s shoulder. “Will you be okay for a minute?” The girl simply nodded her head, still in her absentminded state. Vanessa leaned towards her and kissed her temple, before getting up and following Michelle to a different room.

Michelle pushed the many coats out of the way and sat on Elena’s bed. The floral print, in soft pinks and purples, was a big contrast against the all-black outfit that Michelle was wearing. An aura of solemnity surrounded her as she looked across the small space but, truthfully, Vanessa couldn’t think of a time when Michelle looked anything but regal. Vanessa admired her, in every sense of her being. Michelle always knew what to say, what to do; her mind always worked out the perfect plan for whatever situation she encountered. The way she carried herself through life, with such confidence and certainty, was something Vanessa always wished she could do herself.

This time around, Michelle looked, if possible, even more majestic than ever. She straightened her back, her large breasts in clear view thanks to the deep cleavage. “I have good and bad news,” she spoke in the same ceremonious way that she had been acting all day. “Which one do you want first?”

The question startled Vanessa, she didn’t expect having to make any decisions during the conversation. “The bad, always the bad. Then we cover the wound with the good.” She nodded her head approvingly, agreeing with her own words.

For a split second, Michelle casted her eyes down. She tangled her fingers in her lap and sighed. The facade fell for a single beat of silence before she lifted her head and looked straight into Vanessa’s eyes. “We lost the center.” The words came out in a single exhale, in a monotonous whisper that barely registered in Vanessa’s head.

She heard it. Every single syllable of that message entered Vanessa’s ears. It was her brain the one that couldn’t comprehend the meaning behind the words. She could feel them bouncing inside her skull, crashing with every wall and resounding with each hit. The sentence had been simple, one would think four words, strung in such a logical order, would be easy to understand, even for her bilingual brain. Yet, each hop and jump the letters performed through the wiring of her head, made it impossible for Vanessa to let them land in a spot of comprehension.

“Vanjie,” Michelle snapped her fingers in front of her, landing her back into reality, forcing the cogs inside her mind to kick back into gear.

“Wha-what you mean we lost the center? That can’t be true. It ain’t happening. We got the money, we did. Exactly what they asked for. They just needed to finish off the paperwork. That skinny bitch told me the lawyers would take care of everything, she told me that…” Words spilled out without her permission, she didn’t even know what she was saying anymore. She went on and on and on, until she lost track of her own thoughts and simply let her mouth run, hoping Michelle would stop her. She didn’t. Michelle didn’t scream at her to shut up, to get a grip and get it together. Michelle allow her to let it all out. Vanessa only stopped once tears ran down so rapidly that words could no longer catch up. “What-what are gonna do? What can we do to save it?”

“Nothing.” It was clear, there was nothing complicated about Michelle’s statement. They had lost, and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it.

“What happened? Did they at least give you a reason?” Vanessa asked once she recovered a grip of the situation.

Michelle shrugged slightly. “Someone offered them more money.”

“Nah, child, they can’t do that. Can they do that? She said it was ours, the lawyers just needed to finish the paperwork.” She was repeating herself, Vanessa knew it, but maybe if she said it a lot, it would become a reality.

There was no response from Michelle. She sat there, watching Vanessa pace back and forth inside the small room, giving her the time to absorb all the information she had received.

“Can we, like, sue them?” A head shake answered her question. “Is there a way we can get more money? We still have, like, two more weeks, right? We can have another ball.”

Michelle lifted her hand, figuratively stopping Vanessa from continuing. “There’s nothing we can do. Trust me, I have tried every possibility, exhausted every chance from every angle. It’s gone. Actually, that’s where the good news comes from.”

Vanessa’s mouth fell open in surprise. “What you mean good news?! What kind of fucked up news could come out of this mess?”

“Vanjie, I need you to really listen to me. Before you say anything, I need you to pay attention to what I have to say.” There was a moment of silence. The two women simply looked at each other, connecting in a paralinguistic level that was so unequivocally theirs. “I spoke to the girls,” Michelle continued. “We want you to keep the money–”

“Bitch, you wildin’! What makes you–”

“I asked you to listen to me, Vanessa.” The name was what got her. Michelle rarely called her that, unless things turned serious. Vanessa sat down next to Michelle, opening her mind, heart, and ears, for what Michelle had to say. “Elena is going to need someone to look after her, help her with her homework, love her like she deserves. Fight for that girl, take her out of the abusive environment she’s fallen into and give her a home.”

Vanessa shook her head. She had thought about that. Now that Elena’s mom was gone, the most obvious option was the grandmother. It didn’t matter how big of an asshole she was, that cranky old lady was still Elena’s only family. Any judge with half a mind would allow the girl to go with her. Nobody really knew how she was constantly putting Elena down, minimizing her abilities, reducing her to nothing more than the daughter of a drug addict, destined to follow the same footsteps. Nothing the girl did was enough to her eyes. As far as Vanessa knew, the abuela never attacked Elena physically, she wouldn’t have the strength to; but her acid tongue knew how to cut right where it hurt, causing a lot more damage that any tangible wound. Vanessa had thought about getting a lawyer and trying to get custody of the girl. Her chances were slim to none. Not to mention she didn’t have a dime under her name, she wouldn’t be able to support the two of them. Hell, she wouldn’t have been able to afford the lawyer to start with.

“Do you really think the court would let her live with a stripper?” There was a huff coming from Vanessa’s lips, highlighting the absurdity of it all. “Who, on top of that, lives in a shoe box apartment with two other hoes?”

“No.” Michelle was not playing around, she was not entertaining Vanessa’s sarcasm. “That’s why you need to do some changes first. Use the money to get a good lawyer,” Michelle suggested, practically reading Vanessa’s mind. “Get out of that small place and find something better. I talked to some people at this complex, they have amazing student discounts.”

“But I’m not a student,” Vanessa reminded her.

“You are going to. There’s no way you will get a job unless you get your act together. That starts with finishing high school. I can help you look for night schools, or maybe online courses.”

All of that sounded like too much work, Vanessa’s mind was already rejecting the idea as a whole. She didn’t want to get her act together, she was doing perfectly fine as she was. Instead of spitting back all the reasons why she didn’t want to follow Michelle’s plan, she allowed herself to really think about it. Among all those excuses, there was one thing, bigger than any pointless pretext, that would make it all worth it. Just then, the only motivation that she needed to be better, walked into the room.

“Can I hide with you guys for a minute?”

Michelle smiled widely, patting the space between her and Vanessa. “Of course, kiddo. Come chat with us.”

Elena obeyed. She sat down on the bed and rested her head on Vanessa’s shoulder. Vanessa knew there was absolutely nothing she needed to think about. The decision had made itself right then and there. If it meant having that beautiful angel permanently by her side, she was going to change, she was going to be better. She was going to do it for Elena.

And she did.

The following two weeks came and went in the blink of an eye. Vanessa contacted a lawyer that Michelle recommended and, just like she had suggested, Vanessa found a much bigger apartment in a nicer area. The next step was finding a job that the family judge would find decent. She started waiting tables at a Mexican restaurant that paid shit, but had good tips. Her personality helped her a great deal in that area. She knew when to smile, when to flirt, and when to make the customer believe the side of tortillas was on her. Stripping was left behind, and she was surprisingly okay with that. It gave her a certain sense of peace to think that the last time she did it had been for Brooke.

During the whole process of rearranging her life, Brooke had always been a latent thought. Not exactly there, but never leaving her mind completely. Brooke had been right, Vanessa was meant to do so much better, to achieve greater things. Vanessa didn’t know why she had been so closed to the idea, why she had felt attacked instead of empowered. Her stubbornness, mixed with her unwavering pride, was a dangerous combination that forced her to push such an amazing person away.

She had tried, Vanessa had messaged Brooke. One simple text was sent with a waving hand emoji. In her mind, Vanessa planned a whole conversation as soon as Brooke texted back. She never did; and double texting was never part of Vanessa’s brand. That was when she put Brooke on the back burner and concentrated on Elena, and Elena alone, becoming almost oblivious to the passing of time.

Before she knew it, she was standing behind a yellow ribbon, waiting next to the most important people in her life, for their dreams to be shattered. The hot California sun shone above their heads, Vanessa placed a hand to shield her eyes from the brightness as she tried to look up. The large wrecking ball hung from the tall crane. It looked… powerful, she decided after a moment. It looked heavy, and extremely capable of destruction as it swung dangerously close to her beloved building. Workers walked around the area, shouting instructions to each other, and writing things down on clipboards. Vanessa watched them, with their big boots and yellow helmets, as they pronounce the time of death of the community center.

Trixie, stood next to her, chewing a piece of gum rather loudly. “Why don’t you say something? A few, like, encouraging words?”

Vanessa looked down at her feet. “There’s really nothing I can say.” Even when her statement had been negative, her eyes travelled among the people she loved the most. “There really are not enough words, in English or Spanish, to explain how devastating this is. It is something that you just… feel. We are all feeling the same thing, I think, and it fucking hurts.” Her voice broke a little; hot tears gathering at the corner of her eye. “I just… I really don’t know what to say.”

“Can I give it a try?”

All eyes were directed to the shadow walking their way. Vanessa turned around and that was when she saw her. The long blonde waves had been chopped, now straight hair framed her face, curling slightly around her chin. She looked different, but it was her. She wore a white button down shirt, a black pencil skirt, and the usual high heels. Same that resounded against the payment, just like they did all those weeks ago, when Vanessa met her for the first time.

Brooke waved at them from the other side of the yellow line. A small smile played on her lips, but she bit her lower lip to prevent it. She was happy to see them all again, she was happy thinking about all the good things that were about to come, but the emotion in the moment represented a complete contrast to her happiness.

“What is your ass doing here?” Vanessa asked defensively.

Brooke had expected nothing else. She sighed deeply before she looked straight into Vanessa’s eyes. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t contact you in the last couple of weeks. I couldn’t trust myself to keep my mouth shut. There was so much work that needed to be done before I could talk to you. There’s something that I need to tell you.” She lifted her head to address everybody that gathered in the park that afternoon. “Two months ago I was stuck in traffic and saw a group of girls dancing. It was like nothing I had seen before. They looked so happy, so genuinely happy just moving to the rhythm, with steps dictated by their hearts. I saw myself in them, the old me, the one that danced freely without a care. I just needed to talk to them. I wanted them to restore my love for dance. So I ran down from the car and approached them… then I met you,” she spoke directly to Vanessa. “You asked me if I was here to kidnap your kids and sell them in the black market.” There was a round of tearful laughter to her words. Brooke chuckled herself and took a risk, she extended her arms and held Vanessa’s hands in hers. “You love this place. You love it so much that you made me fall in love with it in an instant. I know how hard you have fought for it, how hard you worked to keep it from being demolished.”

“Yeah, well, here we are.” Vanessa tried to look away, to fixate her eyes on anything that wasn’t Brooke’s perfectly applied makeup.

“Yes,” Brooke agreed. “Here we are. About to start a new era. This building is going to be brought down just so it can be reborn as something bigger and better.”

Confused faces stared back at her, unable to follow her train of thought. Brooke chuckled once again and, still holding Vanessa’s hands, she directed her words to the crowd in front of her.

“This is your community center, the one you filled with love, and laughter, and music. You will still have the chance to do all of that, only that I have now decided to call it: The Dream Girls Youth Center.”

“You-you bought it?” Vanessa asked shocked.

Brooke simply nodded. “Yes, I did, but it’s not mine. It’s yours, it’s for the community. The only thing is that I have no idea how this works, I’m going to need someone to help me run it.”

In a quick move, Vanessa made her let go of her hands. “Bitch, the fuck you are talking about?”

Exasperated, Yvie slapped Vanessa’s arm. “She’s talking about you, you dumbass. She bought the center, is going to rebuild it, and wants you to run it. Am I right?”

Piece by piece the information was suddenly making sense in Vanessa’s head. The more she understood, the more she freaked out. “Is that true?”

A nod from Brooke answered her question.

“We get to keep the center?”

One more nod.

“And you want me to run it?”

Brooke finally allowed the smile to take over her whole face. “I could never do this without you, Vanessa. I’m going to need you by my side as we bring it back to life.”

Vanessa was physically taken aback by those words, she literally took a step away from Brooke as she digested the new information. They looked into each other’s eyes, feeling how their souls reconnected, making up for all the lost time. In that moment everybody but them disappeared, there was nothing around them but light. Emptiness surrounded them as their hearts synchronized yet again to beat at the same rhythm.

“By your side? Does this mean you are staying?”

Once again, a nod functioned as response. “If you want me to, that is.” Brooke moved as close to her as the yellow ribbon allowed her. She extended her arms, literally, figuratively, and even spiritually, baring herself to Vanessa. “What do you say?”

It took maybe a second for Vanessa’s brain to connect with her mouth, but it felt like an eternity before she could pronounce the words dying to leave her lips.

“Yes, bitch! Yes! A million times yes!”

She jumped straight into Brooke’s open arms. She wrapped her legs around Brooke’s hips and her arms around her neck. The caution band forgotten, crumpling between their stomachs. It became the least important thing once their lips met. They kissed with the passion they had built up, not only since the last time they saw each other, but with a yearning that came from a lifetime of being apart. They kissed slowly and deeply, letting go of all restraints and inhibitions. They kissed with full abandon, as two people in love that had finally found the person that complemented them.

[excindrela]

Ho(e)

Pairing: Reader x YoonHo (Ayno- VAV)

Word Count: 2822

Genre: AU/ Angst/ If you cross your eyes and squint hard there’s some humor & sap

Warnings: Cursing, someone gets smacked, mentions of sex

A/N: This is my first fic ever. I’m having serious anxiety about posting it. I welcome feedback (please be kind).

“Yeah so Ho came over on Sunday night”

“Shocker. What’d you guys do? The usual?”

“Yeah. Kind of. We had Daenjang Jjigae and kimchi pancakes for dinner and then we watched The Avengers.”

“Cool.”

“…and then we fucked.”

You probably should have waited to drop this bombshell until Alyssa had swallowed the gulp of Coke she had just taken, because she spit it out all over the table.

“WAIT. WHAT?? I’m sorry, say that again!? Did you seriously just tell me that you fucked your BFF of 5 years, with whom you have the ultimate platonic skinship?”

“Yep. Well, technically, he fucked me, but we’re splitting hairs.”

“We are talking about Yoonho here, right? The tall supermodel looking dancer with the light-up-a-room smile & the damaged psyche?”

“Uh-huh. That’s him.”

“Whoa girl. I want the whole story, and I want details.”

So you told her the story. …and all the details.

Alyssa sat fanning her face. “Ok WOW. I need a cold shower now. Sooo…was he still there in the morning?? I mean the harsh light of day is the make it or break it, ya know??”

“Sort of? By the time I woke up he was out of the shower and dressed because he had to run because he was late.”

Alyssa gave you the look. “Late?”

“Yeah- the dance troupe is now gone for 2 weeks on a mini tour. They were leaving Monday at noon, and as usual, Ho hadn’t packed.”

“So did he say anything?”

“No? He kissed me goodbye & told me he’d call me when he got back.”

“Like *kissed you* kissed you? Or just kissed you?”

“No….like wedding kissed me? You know: it’s a little too long & your lips are a little too soft to be platonic, but it’s not a real kiss either.”

“Mmmmhmmm….I‘m not so sure about this.” Alyssa said raising an eyebrow. “How are you feeling about it??”

Well that was the big question, wasn’t it? Yoonho had been your best friend for 5 years. He’d seen you through through a couple of your hook ups followed by glowing relationships that ended in tragic break-ups, and quite honestly knew you inside and out. You had a secret crush on him that you’d been nursing for 4.5 of those 5 years…and you might have tried to put moves on him earlier, but…it’s just that…well, Ho was a hoe.

A somewhat neglectful childhood, followed by several years as bullied trainee had left Yoonho with waffling self-esteem, somewhat emotionally needy and craving attention and affection at any cost. The fact that he was a) drop dead gorgeous and b) bi-sexual meant that he had a lot of options open to him…and he availed himself of them all. Most were casual hook-ups: one night stands or flings that lasted a couple weeks to a month at the most. His first boyfriend had been a guy who was already in the dance team when Ho joined. He took Ho’s virginity and they dated for a year or so until the guy left to go to dance for Tokyo Disneyland. Then there were a couple girls at the studio he was with for a few months, and a boy at the summer intensive he attended, and then another girl at the dance studio he dated for a few months last year- but those were the closest thing to a “relationship” he had. Really he was just a giant whore, willing to do whatever with whoever to make himself feel loved and needed in that moment.

Watching him live his life this way kind of broke your heart. He had so much to offer- Yoonho was, honestly, a great guy and would be awesome bf material…except for the whole being a giant slut thing. He told you in detail about all his sexcapades, and you made it a point to never be judgmental; instead taking any opportunity to try to raise his self -esteem, and encourage him to see his self-worth and pursue healthy relationships. It pained you to think about how good you could take care of him and how much you would cherish him…but you also knew that a true and solid friendship was precious to him, so he was unlikely to do anything to risk it.

“I feel fine”, you lied to Alyssa, “maybe we’re just moving from ‘skinship’ to ‘Friends With Benefits.’”

Alyssa was so not convinced. “Girl! Don’t lie to me! You have had a thing for him for, like, for-ever! How are you ok with this?”

You sighed. “OK. Ok. I am low key freaking out. But what do I do?? And now he’s gone for 2 weeks. So I guess I just have to overthink it for the next 14 days until he gets back & I see how he is.”

And overthink it you did. Two whole weeks to compulsively check Ho and the dance troops Instagrams…and wonder who he had hooked up with. So much time to replay every single moment – not just of that night, no- all of the last 5 years, and analyze every single action and word. You rushed to check every missed text and call in case it was him. It wasn’t. Most were Alyssa wanting to know if you had heard from him, or Music Plaza telling you they were having a sale.

It also gave you time to berate yourself and feel the gravity of the situation; and if you were totally honest with yourself: you loved being in Ho’s arms – even when it was just cuddling on the couch watching movies. Now you had finally been in them the way you always wanted, and the whole night had been as amazing as you always imagined it would be…but you had done the one thing you swore you’d never do: become one of the random animals on Ho’s fucked up carousel of fun. Not to mention that in doing so you had risked – if not completely ruined- your friendship with the person you treasured most.

***

At last, the fortnight of uncertainty came to an end when you finally saw a pic on the dance troupe’s Instagram posed in front of the studio thanking their fans for their support on the tour. They were back. You immediately felt nervous and had that slightly naustious feeling. When would he call? Would he just text? Was he going to act like nothing happened, or be fully freaked out??

Considering they had just arrived home, you weren’t surprised when you didn’t hear anything from him that day.  But you didn’t hear from him the next day either.

Or the next.

Or the next.

Or the one after that.

Or the one after that.

Not even the next day.

On the seventh day, you gave up. It was devastating. Tears poured down your cheeks as your heart broke, and you realized that the friendship had clearly meant more to you than him. BFF’s for more than a thousand days, and he had ghosted you without a word.

****

The sound of your phone whistling a text alert at 10:30 the following Wednesday night startled you. Surprise turned to shock when you saw the message was from Yoonho.

YH: Are you awake?

Y: Yes. What do you want?

YH: Can we talk?

Y: I guess.

YH: Not like this. Can I come over?

Y: …

YH: Please.

YH: Please.

Y: Fine. When?

YH: I’m downstairs

Y: Uh,ok.

You weren’t prepared. There was that nervous sick-to-your-stomach feeling again. You silently cursed yourself for not following through when you had decided you should block his number. You took 3 deep breaths and steeled yourself: you were not going to let him know he had wrecked you. Cool and dispassionate was the plan. You’d let him say whatever it was he wanted to say, and then you’d kick him out so you and your broken heart could cry and eat refrigerator cookie dough in peace.

Three very short minutes later, there was a soft knock on the door. You hesitantly opened it to find your (now ex) BFF standing there. His skin was gray, his nose was red, he either desperately needed a new razor blade - or hadn’t bothered to shave for a couple days, his lower lip was chapped and scabbed and the dark circles under his eyes suggested he hadn’t had very much sleep. He was wearing a pair of old ratty track pants and a baggy hoodie…he looked like shit. You were a tad offended.

“Hi.” He rasped.

“Hi. What do you want Ho?”

He looked at the floor. “I know you’re mad at me, but please let me explain.”

You arched an eyebrow and looked at him expectantly.

“I started getting a cold half way through the tour and by the time we got back I was running a 102 fever and my throat felt like it was on fire. I’ve been down with tonsillitis for the last week. I was contagious and I had no voice. I wanted to see you, but I didn’t want to get you sick.”

You glared at him. “You couldn’t text?!?”

He looked sheepish. “I slept for the first 2 days after we got back. …and then I really wanted to talk to you in person, but I couldn’t talk so I figured I’d just wait…and then I kept being sick…and then it had been 5 days…and…” He shook his head “Yeah. I’m stupid. I’m so sorry.”

You slapped him clean across his beautiful face. The crack of your palm colliding with his cheek hanging in the air as you completely lost it on him. “YES! YOU ARE! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!” you screamed. “You were my best friend! I know you don’t respect yourself, but I thought you at least respected me. You took advantage of me and then left me hanging. I’m not one of those desperate horny bitches or fuck bois you love defiling yourself with so much. Why?! Why would you treat me this way? Seriously…why would you use me when you probably have 5 ready and willing holes you can go shove your dick in that won’t give a crap when they never hear from you again?”

“I don’t do that anymore.” He said, so softly you almost didn’t hear him.

“What?”

“I said, I don’t do that anymore. You’re the only person I’ve been with in the last 6 months.”

“I’m the only person you’ve slept with…” you clarified.

“No. You’re the only person I’ve done anything with. I haven’t even kissed anyone else.”

You must have looked confused. He walked over and sank down onto the couch patting the spot opposite him. Ho sighed and took a deep breath before continuing.

“You remember HeeJun’s Chuseok party last year?”

“The one where you got raging drunk and threw up on my date?”

He smiled devilishly. “That’s the one.”

You remembered. Ho got totally smashed, barfed on your date, and then fell down the stairs. Your date went home and never called again, and you spent the rest of the night at the hospital with Ho while he cried and got stitches.  You would have been pissed beyond reason had he not been so pathetic.

“I didn’t know you were bringing a date. …and then when I saw you there with that guy…he kept putting his arm around you, and you would smile at him…and you were paying no attention to me…and I was mad. So I started drinking. I skipped the soju and went straight to Tanqueray. But I was still mad. …and then I barfed and I fell…and then I hurt, but I wasn’t mad anymore because he was gone and you were with me and giving me all your attention.”

He laughed slightly, which started a small coughing fit. You got him a glass of water, which he gratefully gulped and sat running his fingers along the rim of as he continued.

“It was the next afternoon, when I was sitting there with ice on my head, eating the haejangguk that you had left for me when I got it. I wasn’t mad. I was jealous. I was jealous that you were with some guy that wasn’t me. I finally acknowledged that I had been lying to myself about my feelings for you. That’s when I really saw myself clearly for the first time…and it wasn’t pretty. You were the most important thing in my life…and I was damaged goods and knew I had nothing to offer you.”

He set the glass on the table, took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and taking your hands in his looked you right in the eye.

“I took your advice…I am in counseling. I go twice a week. I’m working on building my self-esteem, learning to respect myself, finding healthier ways to fill my emotional needs, and generally trying to fix my issues that caused me to behave like this in the first place.” You stared at him in shock, unsure of what to say.

He let go of your hands, and pulled his wallet from his pocket. Reaching inside, he pulled out a folded piece of paper and handed it to you. “Even though I always wore a condom, I got tested. I’m clean. I have somehow managed to not catch something permanent or that will kill me.” You looked down at the lab report in your hands feeling the tiny knot of worry you had always had for your friend undo itself. He smiled ruefully, “I guess you might have appreciated having this information a few weeks ago. Sorry.”

He reached back into his wallet and retrieved another piece of paper. “I..uh…I went back to school. I know you were disappointed that I cancelled our Wednesday night ramen mukbangs, but I have a class that doesn’t end until 8.” You examined the paper, noting that he had 4 classes, one of which did indeed end at 8 on Wednesdays. “I got a DJ gig on Friday nights at Geumhyuk’s club… it pays enough to cover tuition for 4 classes. It will take me a couple years to finish…but I think I want to be a physical therapist”, he finished with a hopeful half smile.

It was Wednesday. “You had class tonight?”

He nodded. “I walked here after.” You stared at him incredulously. Your apartment was more than 3km from the university.

He shrugged, “I needed to see you. I knew we needed to talk. I’ve been sitting downstairs for the last 2 hours…trying to figure out what to say…this isn’t how I planned to do this.”

He slid off the couch and kneeling down took both your hands in his left, and his right cupped your cheek until you looked into his eyes. “You are, without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I didn’t mean for all this to happen now…I wanted to wait- to make progress- confess first…but it doesn’t matter now…and I definitely didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m so so sorry.”

Looking at his face, you could see he was biting back tears. “I still have nothing to offer you...yet. I can’t erase my past, but I’m trying to be better. If you would have me, I would be yours. All yours. …and I promise I will never stop trying to be the kind of man you will be proud of.”

You stared at the tears that had slipped from the corners of his eyes and now cascaded down his face. You flicked his bangs out of his eyes, and wiped his tears with your palm. You shook your head at him. “You were always enough Yoonho”, you said as your own tears fell.

With that, he pulled you into his arms and kissed you with a passion that made you forget all of the angst of the last month. He pulled away, and from between heavy breaths his confession came. “I love you.” You threw your arms around his neck and whispered yours in his ear, “I love you too.”

**Epilogue**

6 Months Later

Yoonho’s body leaned over yours, right hand by your left shoulder for balance as he grasped your right foot and bent your knee to your chest and then rotated the bent appendage outward so your knee was to the side and your foot was near your crotch.

“Mmmm…that feels so good.” You purred. “How many more semesters of Stretching and Mobility do I get?”

He gave a small chuckle, “Two. But you get 4 more of Massage Therapy Techniques.”

“I love helping you do your homework. I knew there were benefits to you moving in.”

He laughed again. “I’d like to think there are others.”

“Such as??” you challenged.

He bent forward and whispered in your ear…and then gave you that heart stopping smile.

You grinned wickedly back. “Ooooo, that does sound beneficial!”

“Allow me to demonstrate…” he growled before carrying you off to do exactly that.

[sextonsharpwinhalstead]

Chicago Med Review 5x01 “Never Going Back To Normal”

So, I guess I’m back on my bullsh*t. I can’t help it. These last two episodes are worthy of a review.

So, after a summer hiatus we got the answers to our burning questions: did Ava have something to do with Cornelius’s death?

What is the fate of Natalie and Will after that car crash on the roof?

Does Maggie have cancer?

and

Is April pregnant?

Let’s start from the bottom up.

April and Ethan slowly made their way back to each other during season 4. After she declared that she was with the shits, they smashed on the couch, and 24 hrs later she was “late.” I think we all knew it would be negative, but I do think it’s odd that they wrote her saying “I’m never late.” I’m not sure if this was just chatter or a false negative but since the subject was broached it had Ethan wondering “what if?” I think it’s fair to say that not only are these two back together but are also getting serious. They walked away with THE most uplifting story for themselves and the child they were treating. Anyway up to this point I’d always pegged April as the type who’d want to have kids and marriage considering the importance of family and how soft she is with everyone but I’m not so sure anymore. Her hesitation and remark about wanting kids much farther in the future reminded me that it took April weeks if not months to say yes to Tate’s proposal, and her shock at being pregnant lasted a lot longer than comfortable. I think April holds these things dear, but not necessarily for herself. We’ll see.

Onto Maggie’s story. Another easy guess. I think we all knew she had cancer, the question was what kind and how bad? Sadly, so many of us have been touched by cancer; it’s affected our friends, loved ones, co-workers, and there are probably some survivors in this fandom. So when I heard metastatic immediately I was like; damn. I, for one, am all for keeping your business your own, but Maggie’s decision is borderline delusional. I know we all know it’s about to get a LOT worse.

The Manstead car wreck. Okay, I have been in several car wrecks; shitty luck, bad tires, dangerous weather, I’ve had it happen; trees, fences, the HIGHWAY, I’ve been in it. So this wreck was a bit...much. My sister FLEW through the windshield of a vehicle and not only lived but had no issues with memory, and her cut wasn’t gushing like a Squeeze-It. I hated this story from the moment it began. It had massive plot holes and has been melodramatic AF. But I think what I hate the most is the inability to let the story be about Will. It continues to center Natalie when she’s just been adjacent. This show has a super weird way of writing life-changing events which happen to male characters but then somehow manages to leave the women holding the bag. Like damn, how’d we get here?

Ethan’s family drama left April caring for a newborn and his sister.

Daniel’s shooting left Sarah with major PTSD.

Will’s traumatic involvement with the mafia left Natalie in a mini-coma.

I’m not saying the men never have consequences but the lasting effects are transferred to the women closest to them.

Anyway, Will carries Natalie like Captain-Save-a-hoe to the ED and even tries to work on her before the night-shift Dr. Marcel hello daddy has to push him aside. I almost died when he said “You’re her boyfriend or whatever” it’s like Dominic Rains knows our pain. Anyway, med student Elsa tries to help Will but is barked at several times. I was happy to see her again but I’m not going to pretend I didn’t see the 180 in her personality. Elsa can seem mouesy but let’s be real; that is a boss bitch, who all last season was on top of her shit and not giving a good gotdamn about anybody’s emotional state; only the job at hand. She knew what she wanted and was balancing dual majors and nailing it too. But something shifted and now she’s giving a damn about Will and being one of the only three people in this entire show that recognizes his trauma. I was quietly whispering...please god no, too. Please Med don’t ruin this character and make her lose her gotdamn mind over some dick.

Sleeping Beauty finally awakes but has some short-term memory problems. Something her skeevy boyfriend Phillip is ready to exploit when he shimmies a ring on her finger. Okay, I’m going to need you give me your nuanced ears and eyes when I begin this next part because I don’t want it to sound too victim-blamey...but...Natalie brought this situation on herself. I don’t think it was wrong of her to try and be supportive of Phillip but how the hell didn’t the warning flags go flying when he began being intimate with her so soon after his wife died? The alarms should be blaring now with a ring on her finger considering she hasn’t forgotten the long timeline...it’s just. I don’t care. It makes her look trife AF. But mostly it makes her look naive.

I do think the knowledge Dr. Marcel has about the ring only being on her finger AFTER her initial examination is a little bomb they’ll wait to drop later in the season. I just hope it’s Natalie who finds out and not Will. Natalie needs to save herself.

Finally, let’s talk about that story!

The direction this story took was one I played around with in a fic. The idea of Ava being an obsessive, manipulative, dangerous psycho has always seem fitting to me. I know a lot of people are upset and horrified but I think it made perfect sense. My only critique was the empty feeling of not getting a background check on her. Did Latham call her next of kin? Who were they? Who was she? The mystery of Ava will always be the most bitter pill for me swallow. 

Med was manipulating the viewers and the subjects of the story so we were all left with a sense of confusion. None of it made sense if you only view Ava through one lens, if you could see her through both it was executed in a way that Med has never had the audacity to try and do, and I got to give it to them cause damn it was good. They really had us questioning everything up to her final moments. Was Connor losing it like his mother or was Ava as scheming as he thought? I think that her death was a good reason to leave Med. 

He left Chicago as quickly as he could as kid to get away from his mother’s tragic suicide only to return and have another tragic suicide be the reason for his departure. And damn, it was abrupt. Like maybe one more episode where Connor finishes his last surgery cause anyone scheduled with him got left hanging! He said goodbye to the two people who gave him a job and that was the last we ever saw of him. I’m not nearly as broken up about this as a big chunk of the fandom seems to be. I really feel like Connor’s story was told. Being the most developed one; can be suicide for a character, especially in a show that has Entmoot syndrome when it comes to personal information about  its characters.

Personally I’m hoping the show becomes like the rest of One Chicago, who had other polarizing characters leave. It allowed the quality to spread and viewers finally got more from the others.

Either way, after this episode, nothing is going to be “normal” again.

[bquily]

Headcanons for my favorite marvel boys in some kind of modern au. (maybe I’ll do more.)

Tony Stark

“Minimalistic Hipster”

Simple looks with creative tees, skinny jeans (perfectly tailored), fun button-ups, long coats made for any occasions, and all kinds of blazers

Those tortoiseshell glasses that every hipster wears (70’s Style)

Currently working on a new reinvention of his late father’s company, making it more modern with more efficient technology.

The Bisexual he was destined to be.

Insufferably likable, charming to a fault, quick-witted and deeply intelligent.

Everyone has a crush on Tony at some point.

Intricate cyberpunk arm tattoos

Steve Rogers

“The Grunge Art Hoe”

Doc Martens, Ripped Jeans, Leather Jackets, Plaid Shirts, Sheep Herder Jackets, Bandaged and Paint smeared hands, crossbody satchel.

Rides a motorcycle & works part-time at a tattoo parlor

Has a smoking problem but claim it isn’t

Paints in his free time & keeps a sketchbook on hand at all times.

Gay as hell and is tragically head over heels in love with his ex-flame, Tony while maintaining friends with benefits situation with Sam.

Roommates with Bucky 

Thor Odinson

The Retro Hippie who’s more fit then you”

Overalls, Comfy Sweaters made by his mother, Worn out sneakers, Beanies, Tattoos of flowers and lightning bolts.

History Major, aspiring to be an archeologist at some point.

Travels all the time, and owns a beat up and old truck from the 70’s.

Often found rummaging through thrift-stores with Peter Quill and exploring places around the city (usually getting lost.)

Bisexual and getting over his recent break up with Jane Foster.

Roommates with his brother Loki & Valkryie.

Has a giant fucking crush on Tony’s assistant Bruce. 

Loki Friggason

The New Wave Goth-Hipster

Music Taste: The Cure, New Order, The XX, Lorde, Joy Divison

Fishnets, Chokers, Rings, a shit ton of piercings, high waisted skinny jeans

Genderfluid and Pansexual 

Psych Major at the local community college, who also happens to be sleeping with his professor Mr. Gwst (The Grandmaster)

May or may not have made out with Peter Quill while high at a party.

Peter Quill

Vintage technicolor Hipster.

Film and Music aficionado

Film Major with a minor in Film Scoring

Windbreakers, Technicolor pants, cropped tops, painted nails, gauges, converse in varying colors.

Works at a Record Store

Lead singer in the band called “The Guardians”

Dated Gamora while in high school, but broke up and decided to remain friends.

Currently resides in a 4 bedroom apartment with a chiseled wrestler with badass tattoos named “Thrax” from Russia, a garbage pale of man (most likely 30) who calls himself Rocket, and chill freshman with a major in horticulture called Groot for some reason. 

Peter only knows these gentlemen by their nicknames.

Peter Parker

“I wake up every morning at 5″ aesthetic

Tony’s intern at his startup

Baggie Jeans that are rolled, beat up Doc Martens, Hoodies, Dad Hats, Messy Hair at all times, cool socks, always has some form of coffee in hand. 

Memes and References Galore

“Am I the only straight one?”

Keeps a sketchbook filled with notes and sketches of ideas he wants to pursue and often shows Tony.

Senior in Highschool

[archivedwench]

TAGGED BY:  @ncrthernfire​ . thank u so much u angel ! TAGGING:  please steal this from me

* GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  MUN :

NAME :   elloise NICKNAME :   elle / fawn  FACECLAIM :   i would say isabelle from ac but im too lazy to make icons for her PRONOUNS :   she/her HEIGHT :   5′4″ or 5′5″ BIRTHDAY :   june 3 .  AESTHETIC :   currently ? mix with softcore , art hoe , pink dusky things , romanticism paintings . cream / brown / pink . i would say pastels but not rlly !  LAST  SONG  YOU  LISTENED  TO :  girl front by loona . stan loona for rights ! FAVORITE  MUSE (S)  YOU’VE  WRITTEN :  toss up between pre-lore rework riven since she’s the muse i’ve put the MOST effort in , or canon - divergent ahri where i had a blast writing really grotesque ways of how she killed and ate people . plus her morality . what she thinks is right and wrong compared to what humans think was always interesting to explore !

* GETTING  TO  KNOW  THE  ACCOUNT :

WHAT  INSPIRED  YOU  TO  TAKE  ON  THIS  MUSE :   i’ve actually WANTED to write brienne a few years ago . the reason why i got into game of thrones is because a mutual dared me to watch it , and i binged the whole thing ( up to s6 i think ) in like , 1-2 weeks kfdjgk . anyway , i wanted to make a brienne and my friend was gonna make a pod once i do but i had way too many blogs at that time . fast forward i’ve stopped rp-ing for a while , then i finished reading the books and i HAD to make a blog for book!brienne -- or brienne in general .

WHAT  ARE  YOUR  FAVORITE  ASPECTS  OF  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE :  EVERYTHING . i fucking LOVE her it’s so annoying . but my most favourite thing to write about her is her internal monologue / thoughts . i constantly pepper it in but it’s just so interesting how she thinks , deconstructs and handles the current situation but she’ll never voice her thoughts , albeit only say what she thinks is appropriate or correct . 

WHAT’S  YOUR  BIGGEST  INSPIRATION  WHEN  IT  COMES  TO  WRITING : the thread itself . if it’s something that i’m super into , then inspiration comes easily but if it isn’t then i struggle quite a bit . reading other books gets me inspired to write as well !

FAVORITE  TYPES  OF  THREADS :   i fucking LOVE combat / fighting threads . if they’re desperately fighting , the better . gory threads are good as well  and threads where you get the chance to really explore pieces of your character you haven’t before / put them in a situation where they really have to voice and learn about the shit they hide or keep inside . i just LOVE character building okay .

BIGGEST  STRUGGLE  IN  REGARDS  TO  YOUR  CURRENT  MUSE :  in general ? the fact that I am a gremlin who loves romance and sappy stuff and shipping but brienne is not , and i just can’t ship her with anyone willy nilly considering her past experiences with romance and she has so many walls built up around her . TRAGIC ! tbh . she deserves the love she gives to other people . also , she’s very awkward and standoffish which makes greeter threads awkward as well . she’s not charming at all nor a very good person to talk to so writing appropriate dialogue is always a struggle lol

[stardustreviews]

Blog All Day, Meme All Night

over a month ago, actual ray of sunshine @lynchmatthew​ tagged me in this and uhh i finally finished tweaking this blog so why not do it now!!

tagging @the-little-witches-books, @jostenne, @wylans, @pynchvinsky, and uhh anyone else who wants to!

╰☆╮1. YEET – which book would you yeet out of existence?

Highkey? A Court of Wings And Ruin. That was the book that made me realize that I just couldn’t read anymore Maas. I hated the way she wrote romance, how all her male characters were possessive, the half-hearted attempt at “representation”.

╰☆╮2. CRYING KIM K – which book gives you lots of feelings?

Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust. I need to write a review for this at some point, but basically-- it’s an absolutely beautiful book, a feminist retelling of Snow White, and the mother-daughter relationship between Mina (the Wicked Queen character) and Lynet (the Snow White character) is meticulously, wonderfully crafted. I cannot recommend this book enough!

╰☆╮3. AMERICA, EXPLAIN – favourite book set outside the us?

The creator of this tag, @meriknihar​ definitely intended this to be an In-Unvierse question, so uhh,, Illuminae definitely counts, right? It takes place in our cosmos, just very far away in both time and distance. I just love how tight and unexpected the plots were, and the format they chose was so interesting

Otherwise, I’d say The Book Thief, which is set in Germany and made me cry my heart out.

╰☆╮4. RIP VINE – your saddest character death?

MAJOR ACOL SPOILERS AHEAD!!

A Darker Shade of Magic’s Holland Vosijk. V. E. Schwab created a beautiful, tragic character, and even thinking about him makes me sad again. He deserved the absolute fucking world, man.

╰☆╮5. WHAT ARE THOSE? – a book that left you confused?

Caraval by Stephanie Garber. It wasn’t that I didn’t get what was going on, but it was just too disorienting. The reader never really finds their footing in her story, and even at the end I was still not sure what was real and what was part of the performance. I don’t know, I guess I just felt like the protagonist’s agency didn’t mean anything when the rug was being pulled out from under everyone’s feet each chapter, and each twist seemed to negate the last. It was just too much.

╰☆╮6. BIG DICK ENERGY – favourite character with BDE?

It took me a while to figure this one out, but probably The Cruel Prince’s Jude Duarte. She will do whatever the fuck she can to get ahead, she refuses to be intimidated, and she’s an amazing Slytherin queen who is more than welcome to murder me if she wants.

╰☆╮7. I WON’T HESITATE BITCH – favourite book with a morally grey protagonist?

Vicious by V. E. Schwab. I read this the summer of my junior year and I fell in love with the story. She’s just,,, so good at crafting characters, and I need Vengeful now that it’s out.

╰☆╮8. MOVE, I’M GAY – favourite book featuring a lgbp+ romance?

Anyone who’s been around me for more than 2.3 seconds knows I am a weakass hoe for Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova. It’s a fun yet dark adventure novel featuring Latina witches, realistic and loving families, lots of magic, and the softest wlw couple I know. My heart belongs to Alex and Rishi.

╰☆╮9. STREET SMARTS – favourite book featuring a protagonist whose strength is their intelligence?

Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore! Bitterblue is a puzzle of a book about mysteries and healing, and unlike the warrior Katsa, the titular protagonist doesn’t have strength or survival instincts. Instead, she has a deep desire to do good, and the brains needed to get to the bottom of the wound her father left on her country. (A close second is An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson; it’s a delightful story about a painter spirited away to Fae territories, and she survives largely due to her cleverness. Plus the book has some wonderful reflections of stagnation vs progress and the price of immortality,,, would highly recommend.)

╰☆╮10. ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO – character death you were happy about?

Severus Snape from Harry Potter. I don’t care that he was on The Good Side, and I really don’t care that He Will Always Love Lily. Severus Tobias Snape is a toxic slimebag, and when he joined the Wizard Nazis and called his best friend/crush a fucking slur, got butthurt that she didn’t want to hang with him anymore. He was willing to let an innocent man and a fucking baby be brutally murdered to save Lily, and even after she clearly rejected him, refused to get over her and let it become creepy and borderline-obsessive. The whole thing where he tore a photo of the Potter family so he could have Lily’s picture and no one else’s? And where he tore off her signature too? What the fuck. Also he has the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old, taking his anger out on two innocent and already traumatized children, to the point where he was one of those children’s greatest fear that is not okay. Anyways he can choke.

╰☆╮11. THEN PERISH – a book you DNFed?

Snow Like Ashes. I didn’t get very far into it, but I remember the premise not really grabbing me, and then it was due back to the library and I didn’t really care enough to get it ever again.

☆╮12. KERMIT SIPPING TEA – a book that makes a statement?

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness is a great one. It’s a story about being the side characters, the ones who aren’t the Chosen Ones who get sent on an epic quest against evil. They’re just people, dealing with real problems, mental health issues and conflict with friends, and Ness handles the subject with a deft sort of beauty.

The Twelve Little Cakes also qualifies, too. It’s a memoir of a woman’s childhood in a post-Stalinist USSR-era Czech Republic. Despite the depressing setting, Dery manages to write a book bursting with optimism, with belief in the goodness of people and a better world, and that persepctive is as refreshing s it necessary in this modern age.

╰☆╮13. SAME HAT – the character you relate to the most?

I had,,, a lot of trouble with this one, so I’m going to say that Lara Jean from To All the Boys Ive Loved Before really reminds me of my high school self. She daydreams a lot, loves The Aesthetic, is not very grounded in reality, Is Soft And Kinda Anxious. Sure, let’s say that.

╰☆╮14. OH WORM – a book you didn’t expect to love?

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. I’m not normally a contemporary person, but I finished this book sobbing instead of working on a health essay. Books that have conflicts shaped like mysteries and puzzles, where personalities and situations clash in a way that looks a little bit like tragedy? Those are books are automatic favorites.

╰☆╮15. SHREK – favourite book featuring mythical creatures?

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater revolves around the capaill uisce (aka kelpies). Stiefvater is brilliant with characters and atmosphere, so even though her books are more slow-paced, I was still absolutely enchanted.