#it’s already very much an A Story Is True A Story Is Untrue situation

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I know you only started tracking rumors after Megxit but maybe you know the answer to my question. I’m actually currently skimming through Robert Jobson’s new book about Catherine so I’m getting reminded of all the old stories about them. So, all the royal books say that William was enamored with Isabella whatsherface, sister of Cressida Bonas, when he and Kate broke up in 2007. But I think I’ve read from comments of royal watchers that Isabella had already denied this story. I’m just wondering if you know where she ever said this denial? At this point, that Isabella really was a contender is now the accepted official story. Also, I just find it very dubious that this Isabella woman can get on her high horse with this narrative that she apparently turned down William because of her career as an actress. But there’s really been not much of an acting career to speak of (that I know of). It’s just obviously a take down of Kate, implying William only chose her because she was willing to drop everything for him. It just makes me wonder who ever planted this story.

It’s in the same vein with that story about that other girl William allegedly dated before Kate. She gave interviews and said nothing sexual happened between her and William because she was conservative, implying that oh William must have chosen Kate because she was willing to put out. While the story might be true, it’s just obvious some of these people are selling their stories to make themselves look good while subtly attacking Kate (and even William).

Also, can you enlighten me as to how some things about William and Kate get written about if they don’t leak? Like, for example, it’s been said William apparently broke up with Kate over phone and the books claim he said this and that during the phone call. But no one would really know what went on in those conversations except William and Kate. Tbh, I assumed all of these things, especially when it’s about a situation only William and Kate could possibly know about, that they’re completely made up by the authors. But… it’s making me rethink, how can William and Kate allow untrue narratives about them to continue to be said? Tbh, I just assumed it’s fine, because it seems like William and Kare just decided to live by the philosophy of not caring what’s written about them. But then, these narratives become the official story. They get passed around from one book to another that most people assume they’re true. One could argue all the conspiracy theories this year was helped by these long-repeated narratives about how William actually wanted another girl and just went back to Kate because he had no other choice. Do you think there will ever come a time when William and Kate would set the stories straight?

So, all the royal books say that William was enamored with Isabella whatsherface, sister of Cressida Bonas, when he and Kate broke up in 2007. But I think I’ve read from comments of royal watchers that Isabella had already denied this story. I’m just wondering if you know where she ever said this denial?

Nope. I have no idea. Mainly because I never thought William and Isabella dated that seriously. I always suspected it was kind of a flirtation that people who didn't like Kate embellished to prove that William settled for Kate.

Also, can you enlighten me as to how some things about William and Kate get written about if they don’t leak? Like, for example, it’s been said William apparently broke up with Kate over phone and the books claim he said this and that during the phone call. But no one would really know what went on in those conversations except William and Kate. Tbh, I assumed all of these things, especially when it’s about a situation only William and Kate could possibly know about, that they’re completely made up by the authors.

Kate never leaks. William does, but it's rare (as compared to how much his FOO leaks).

Plant once published a list over the PR keywords to tell who the royal source is but I haven't been able to dig it up yet. William was definitely on that list. So were the Middletons (defined as Mike, Carole, and Pippa).

They do have friends and family (and family's staffs) who are less scrupulous when it comes to dealing with the press. There are also hangers-on looking for 10 minutes of fame. For instance, there was a girl who was leaking about the wedding, and getting real press jobs to talk about Kate and the wedding, back in 2011. She positioned herself as a close friend of Kate's, but it came out that they'd just been schoolmates at Marlborough (or something like that) and she wasn't actually real friends with Kate.

In addition, there's also just the general members of the public who couldn't care less about a celebrity's privacy. They have no issue snapping photos or calling a pap to say "X was at this restaurant. Here's what they ordered and here's what I eavesdropped from their conversation."

And finally, William and Kate are creatures of habit. They don't stray far from their circle of favorite restaurants, shops, businesses. All a reporter has to do is buddy up to those businesses or their customers or just hang around long enough. Promise them a big enough payday, they've got themselves what might end up being a pretty good scoop.

So plenty of people talk about William and Kate without the two of them having to speak to the press themselves.

But… it’s making me rethink, how can William and Kate allow untrue narratives about them to continue to be said?

Because of "never complain, never explain." It means don't complain about the press coverage because then you'll start explaining everything and once you start complaining/explaining, you can't stop. And once you set a pattern on when to complain and when to explain, the public and press can use that to determine what your dirty secrets are.

Take the Sussexes, for example. Of all the stories that were out there in the public domain about them from 2017 through then (all the gossip about the engagement and the wedding, all the exclusives from the press tsunami, all the gossip about the Frogmore renovation), the only one that Harry and Meghan denied, with great urgency, was the story that they bought a $100K copper bathtub for Frogmore Cottage. So because they complained about the bathtub, but not anything else, we and the press can reasonably assume that everything else is true (and everyone did).

Compare that to the Cambridges, who've never complained and never explained anything they did. The only time William did complain, it was about the Rose rumors, which effectively put the kibosh on it (as far as mainstream media goes) because everyone knew they'd poked the bear and didn't want the responsibility of what happened next.

Tbh, I just assumed it’s fine, because it seems like William and Kare just decided to live by the philosophy of not caring what’s written about them. But then, these narratives become the official story. They get passed around from one book to another that most people assume they’re true. One could argue all the conspiracy theories this year was helped by these long-repeated narratives about how William actually wanted another girl and just went back to Kate because he had no other choice. Do you think there will ever come a time when William and Kate would set the stories straight?

No. Why do they need to? They know the truth. Their loved ones know the truth. Why do they care what the public thinks? Especially when time has proven that history will forget about all of this?

Of all the gossip that was said about Prince Philip and The Queen over their whole lives (the Penny Knatchbull rumors for Philip, the Porchy rumors for The Queen), none of them came up when they died and the world was remembering their service and deeds. It'll be the same with William and Kate. In 50 years, no one will care about the gossip; the jubilee coverage, the obituaries, the reflections, the memories will be about William's work with climate change, Kate's work with Early Years, their children, and whatever else transpires between now and then.

The only reasons these stories are so prevalent, and prominent, now are because William and Kate are actually very boring people and are still "early" in their careers for the monarchy. Meaning, there's nothing happening right now for William and Kate to fill everyone's attention.

Let's compare for a quick second. William and Kate are now both 42 years old.

When Philip was 42, he had fled Greece as an infant; fought in World War 2 and witnessed the surrender of the Japanese; married The King's daughter and served in the Royal Navy; saw his wife become Queen; and redeveloped his role as Prince Consort for the modern era.

When Elizabeth was 42, she had been born and grown up a little girl never expecting to see the throne; went through the abdication crisis and became heir presumptive; served in World War 2; had been Queen for 12 years; and was starting to modernize monarchy.

When Charles was 42, he'd been the heir apparent for 42 38 years; Prince of Wales for 32 years; leading the Prince's Trust for 14 years; graduated university; served in the Royal Navy; was a pilot; and was in the middle of a collapsing marriage due to publicly-acknowledged affairs from both parties.

Diana never made it to 42. But when she was 37, she had been married to The Prince of Wales for 14 years, with the marriage falling apart for most of that time; separated from The Prince of Wales for 3 years; divorced from The Prince of Wales for one year; mother of two, including the future king, for 15 years; was a global phenomenon in humanitarian aid and charity work for 15 years; and had participated in a PR war to diminish her then ex-husband's status and his mistress/girlfriend's reputation.

Compare all of that to where William and Kate are now:

At 42 years of age, William is a university graduate; served as a search and rescue helicopter pilot; has been the heir apparent/Prince of Wales for almost 2 years; led the Royal Foundation for 15 years with projects in mental health, homelessness, and conservation; in a relationship with his wife for 22 years; and led Earthshot for 5 years.

At 42 years of age, Kate is a university graduate; has been in a relationship with the future king for 22 years; co-led The Royal Foundation for 13 years with projects in mental health, family support, and the early years; led the Early Years initiative for 3 years; and is dealing with a serious health crisis that requires preventative chemotherapy.

As you can see, William and Kate's "professional" accomplishments pale in comparison to their "predecessors." Because they can't sell books or create content with such little information, the reporters (and the public) supplement the known facts and history with gossip and plausible-enough-to-be-believable stories, hoping that one day something will change and "never complain, never explain" gets broken.

The only time that William and Kate may set the stories of their lives straight is posthumously, when their personal papers (if they keep any) are published. Alternatively, they could follow in Philip's footsteps and work with an author on a semi-authorized biography in their end years. I doubt there will be very many of us around to see that happen, though.

[m3r1m4r5u333]

Look. I'm fucking done here.

I'm fucking furious. I've had ENOUGH of people shit talking Kristen Reidel for being "antibuddie".

Newsflash you imbecils, it's OBVIOUSLY blatantly untrue!! She's been here for us, from the very start, to lay out the foundation for queer Buck and Eddie. She's written, directed and been the executive producer for some of the most monumental buddie moments!!

Maybe take a moment to understand that these shows are huge and one person does not have all the say for how things work out. These people do not work in isolation, doing whatever they like!

Let's remember that the show used be on Fox, which is arguably one of the most conservative networks there are!!!

The show already had several main queer characters and romances when Eddie's character entered the show in season 2. We also know that the main target audience is fairly tradional, and the show is freaking expensive to make without a huge profit in return. We KNOW it has repeatedly struggled to get renewed due to that.

Let's remember that creating a show like this is not an existence of stress-free creative indulgence - you are actually responsible for HUNDREDS of jobs! The show's survival! People's income! The crew isn't just a couple of known actors, it's also everyone else making the show, and these productions are HUGE. It's so many families income at stake.

So WAKE UP and realise what they've been against, creating this show.

I'm like obnoxiously queer but even I would get nervous at the idea of similtaneously airing several queer ships on a show about emergency responders, on freaking Fox!

Seriously, just stop to think. What if they had gone for blatant buddie early on?

The show would have had to juggle... let's do some math...

Hen, Karen, and Eva being queer and raising a rainbow family,

Michael's coming out storyline, then his and David's romance, Josh being very much gay and dating men... Add to that Buck and Eddie, and that's MANY prominent queer characters, story arcs and romances trying to compete for air time... ON FOX, in a show about firefighters!

The risk of the the largely conservative, homophobic audience on a conservative channel going "it's too much" and abandoning the show was REAL, don't you pretend otherwise.

Sure, there are other less easily intimidated audiences, but how would they know if the leap into the unknown would pay off?

I think in those circumstances they made a very sensible decision to focus on the other queer characters anf storylines first.

Again, it's hundreds of people's incomes at stake!!! There must have been people, funders, bosses voting against adding more blatantly queer storylines to the current situation because it was just not the right time.

So Kristel Reid was CAUTIOUS when she gave interviews. Remember, the future of the show has been uncertain from the start with how expensive it is to make!!

She did not want to give false hope to the viewers hoping for buddie come true. She did not want to be accused of queerbaiting. She very sensibly made sure to appear neutral about buddie, and give the UNTRUE impression that her head canon is that meh, they're just straight friends to her.

Quite frankly folks... NEVER PLAY POKER WITH THIS WOMAN, I think she'd eat you in a minute!!

She LIED. Fucking absorb that information. Breathe it in! You can do it! She's been obviously rooting for Buddie to happen for AGES.

Why do I say this?

Well here's my fucking powerpoiny about it!!! Read this and take a minute to consider her innocent "oh they're the very bestest of friends"-front against her actual work on the show!!

She WROTE 5x18, you know, with Ravi's line to Hen:

"I think it's sweet that Karen was defending you. I mean, isn't that what we all want in a partner, knowing they have your back?"

She's no spring chicken, she wrote this fully knowing the memory we buddie shippers possess!!!

She WROTE the scene in which Eddie comforts Buck at the hospital after Maddie's kidnapping.

She WROTE 3x01, that's the scene in which Eddie bursts into Buck's apartment when Buck's feeling down and has Chris hang out with "his Buck".

She co-wrote Eddie's disgusted reaction to meeting Abby, she co-wrote Buck hearing that Chris is going on a two-week school trip and freaking out like a mother hen,

She WROTE freaking 4x14 - You know, the episode SURVIVORS, in which Eddie is shot by a sniper!! In the queerest way possible!!

She WROTE Desperate measures, you know - the episode in which Eddie breaks up with Ana, freaking oozing repressed queer subtext all over the place!!

Have you even watched the talk Buck and Eddie have before the breakup?!!! It's INSANE.

---

Buck: Ah. I thought you'd be the first one out the door. Christopher know you're coming?

Eddie: Not yet. I haven't figured out what I'm going to say when I get home. To Ana.

---

Try telling me that "door" isn't the door of a closet, I challenge you!!

She freaking co-wrote 5x17!!! The META of Taylor, in 5x17 "promising" she won't "run the story", and then breaking that promise.

That same episode has Eddie visiting his home btw, and paints a very illuminative picture of the environment Eddie grew up in - it practically spells toxic masculinity, compulsory heterosexuality, catholic guilt. Really, that episode basically screams "This is why Eddie is such a repressed onion."

THAT episode also has THAT insane closet door scene, Eddie opening a closet door as Buck says:

Buck: You know, your parents will understand!

Eddie turns to stare at him.

Buck: ...They should understand. *Plays with a toy dinosaur as he's talking, and pretends it bites his finger.*

... And again, after that episode she wrote 5x18, the one with "Isn't that what we all want in a partner, knowing they have your back?"

An obvious parallel to Buck and Eddie meeting and promising to have each other's backs!!!

....

Seriously, Kristel Reidel has had our back from the very beginning and I'm fed up with people talking shit about her!! I think it's no coincidence that one of the emergencies she wrote was "someone stuck in a freezer", that's fucking meta. I bet she's wanted to fucking hit the pedal but she's been forced to bide her time, and it's been fucking agony at times.

And don't even get me started on Tim fucking Minear, who people have ALSO shit talked because "hE jUst liKes tO QuEerBait".

BE FUCKING GRATEFUL FOR KRISTEN REIDEL, YOU utter... *censored*.

BE GRATEFUL FOR TIM MINEAR. They are our freaking GOATS and they deserve our love!!!

Edit. After reading up some more about the power structures of media networks like these... I would really not be surprised if it turned out that the people running this show (such as Reidel and Minear, the people listed next to the episodes) have had even less say on what sort of stories they get to do than I've thought.

After all, these people we fans focus on and know by name... They're really not nearly as influential as we think. There are still plenty of big chiefs higher up in the food chain. I've heard some vague rumours before that the network has meddled with the show's creative decisions a lot in these past years, and would not be surprised if it was true.

[tetrakys]

Very old tea - Beemoov's writers

Every day I wake up and find new drama in the fandom. I have to admit it is entertaining but fake news and misinformation really annoy me so here we go. What's the new tea? It's actually very old tea, but it needs to be put into context.

A few hours ago, someone rummaging through the New Gen website, ended up on the credit page, where they found this

This page isn't reachable from the website, there are no links, you need to type the full url to get there because it's only a placeholder. You can clearly see that those are Eldarya TO credits, and an old Priya illustration is used as background. Literally yesterday Chino mentioned in her Instagram stories that there are lots of placeholders on the website.

Despite this, news is now circulating that the same team that worked on Eldarya is now working on New Gen. I don't think people have been saying this maliciously, it's possible that they got confused with the placeholder, which didn't have the big red disclaimer I added in the screenshot above. However now they are freaking out for no reason and bringing back so much old drama, which is also partially wrong. So here I am trying to clarify, hoping that people will see this (but alas, tumblr isn't as popular as facebook and twitter so maybe I'm just shouting into the wind).

MCL and Eldarya writing team

Part 1. High School Life and the Sally Anne drama

Firstly, at the very very beginning of MCL, Chino was on her own, she was working on both the art and the writing. However, soon later the company looked for a writer, Chino pushed for her friend Sally Anne to be hired even if she had no prior professional experience, and the company agreed. Eventually they also became roommates and even closer friends.

Now, the people who have been around for ages like me know that there was huge drama at some point. Sally Anne had some health issues and pretty much disappeared for months in the middle of Nath's arc. Lots of things were said at the time, some true some very untrue. Sally Anne made a facebook post mentioning how Chino and the company were bullying her. One of the accusations that people like to bring back all the time is that the character of Aleja, who was based on Sally Anne, was used to bully her because she was written as a bit silly. Maybe people forget that all Eldarya self-inserts are very flawed. Jamon can barely use grammar when he speaks, Kero is a coward, Ykhar an anxious nervous train wreak. I don't see anyone say that Chinomiko bullied herself by making Miiko such a raging bitch.

Anyway I believe that Sally Anne herself realised that this and other bullying accusations were unfair since she later retracted it. Some people say that she was forced by Beemoov to do so (I don't know where they would get this information, it's a pretty strong accusation). Others say that all this is common behaviour for people who suffer from addiction. I'm just going to add some additional context that most people may not be aware of since I hardly see it mentioned.

When Sally Anne left the company she started her own personal project with some friends. They put together a kickstarted campaign for a BL game and earned around 58,000€. After that however, the project never came to light because of, again, Sally Anne's personal issues. Here you can see a post from the team describing the situation, which is proof that her health condition was not connected to Beemoov work environment at all, since the same thing happened again while working on her own personal project with other friends of hers. Additionally here is the final post written soon afterward, where the team explained that they would not be able to make the game. They also said that they had used up most of the kickstarter money already even though the game had not been produced. They gave people only one month to claim their kickstarter pledge back. Considering to this day there's still people who wonder what happened to their Eldarya account, I strongly believe not many people managed to see that post and claim their money with only a one month timeframe.

Anyway, this serves as a context to show that in a very small company, when the writer disappears for whatever reason, either the project is cancelled or they have to hire someone else. Lots of people believe that Beemoov is a huge company when it's not. At the time of these events there were around 50 employees, and those people had to earn a living. Sally Anne was the only writer, this whole situation led to MCL not being released for at least half a year, which compromised everyone's salaries. Players were complaining like crazy but, despite hearing only one side of the story, they were very happy to jump on the "Sally Anne was being bullied" train once new writers were hired and they could play the game again.

So, let's talk about the "new" writers.

Part 2. Second half of High School Life and Eldarya TO

Once it was clear that Sally Anne would not be able to come back to work, Beemoov hired two new writers. Hikaru who would end up being Eldarya TO's writer, and Cassandre who took over MCL and finished High School season. (These info you can find in the games credits).

Hikaru was the CM at the time, because the company was looking for a writer for this new game Eldarya they gave her a chance. Chino and Hikaru got along well and I think it's visible in TO's writing. Remember Chino is the creator, she decides the story and the events, the writer writes them, and Chino reads and corrects the script. I think it's clear from TO's writing that they had a good synergy. Hikaru left around the end of TO for personal reasons, she moved to another city and changed career, it was her choice to kill off her self-insert (Ykhar) before leaving, so no there was no big conspiracy around the self-inserts. To this day she and Chino are still friends. But no, she's not coming back to write New Gen as people who saw the placeholder seem to believe.

Cassandre, as I said, took over MCL HSL in the middle of Nath's arc. I think it's visible that the season feels a bit different with a different writer, but I still like it, I think she did a good job as a writer. However, once high school was over, in a move that I will never understand, Beemoov's management decided to assign Eldarya to her, not as a writer but as a project manager, effectively taking over Chino's role. So Chino had to leave from around episodes 20-22 and never went back. She only provided the main storyline of the worlds merging, but at some point she resumed working on the events only.

So from around episode 20-22 to episode 29 Hikaru and Cassandre worked together, with Hikaru as the writer and Cassandre as the one deciding the plot/scenes and supervising the writing.

Part 3. Eldarya ANE + MCL University, Love and Alternate Life

Once Hikaru left, Alexis took over. So from episode 30 of TO and throughout ANE he and Cassandre have worked on Eldarya alone. This is the dream team we owe the state of Eldarya to. None of them knew the first 22 episodes of the games in depth and hence why we have all the plot holes and different characters' personalities. Additionally, at that point Cassandre started working on Uncoven so it is my personal opinion that Alexis was mostly on his own during ANE because clearly you can see that the person who wrote that had no idea what Eldarya was really about.

What happened in MCL at the same time? Once Cassandre moved to Eldarya, Beemoov found another writer for MCL, Cara, who wrote University Life. My personal opinion is that she was a good writer, I like University Life, but there's very little romance. Less than HSL for sure. But there are many funny scenes and a young adults feel that I really liked. She and Chino worked on UL together as writer/creator and it's still one of my favourite seasons, however the lack of flirting scenes is visible.

Then, when Love Life started, another writer joined the team, Antoine, Chino was still the creator and Cara remained as proofreader and also worked on Uncoven with Cassandre. My personal opinion is that there are lots of issues in Love Life because of how some themes of feminism, sexual harassment etc. are treated. Additionally the romance was even less than in UL, and some characters' personalities took a slightly strange turn. However I did like the main storyline and the ending that went full circle.

By the time Alternate Life started, both Cassandre and Cara had left the company, Antoine was still around to write additional LL episodes such as wedding and honeymoon, and the events. Eldarya's writing was over and so Alternate's writing has been the product of Alexis and Chino alone.

Part 4. What about today? MCL New Gen

New Gen is being written by Alexis and Chino, same team and dynamic as Alternate, the two of them alone. So if you see people around saying that Hikaru is back or whatever else, it's not true.

You may not like Alexis' writing after what was done to Eldarya, which I totally understand. If I hadn't played all Alternate Life I would feel the same and think that the guy isn't able to think deeper than a teaspoon. But luckily I really like what he and Chino can do together so I have a good feeling for New Gen.

[homestucksimplified]

The Sburb Aspects.

Sburb, the game that the human Homestuck characters play, has the objective of “creating a new universe to live in”, and it brings the end of the current one. Sburb is full of complex and interesting mechanisms, and one of its most interesting feature is the titles of power given to the players. Those are the Aspects.

A person’s Aspect is understood to represent what their goals and actions in life are caused by. Characters in the story and readers who are holders of Aspects guide a life ruled by what the main idea of their Aspects is.

The Sburb Aspects are Time, Breath, Doom, Blood, Heart, Space, Mind, Light, Void, Rage, Hope, and Life. All Aspects are present in the comic, but some are more represented than others, due to certain characters not appearing as much. The two Aspects with the most canon players are Time (Dave, Aradia, Damara, and Caliborn) and Space (Jade, Kanaya, Porrim, and Calliope).

Together with the Aspect, there will be a Class. A person’s Class is understood to represent the way they deal with their Aspect. You can only know your Class after you find out what your Aspect is, since each one changes greatly with the switch of Aspect. We are not going to discuss Classes in this particular post, but by the time you see this I’ll probably already have a post on each of them within each Aspect (search for the tag #classes).

Below is my speculation on how each Sburb Aspect is to each player.

1st Aspect: Time

Time is the Aspect of music, of death, of rebellion, of not accepting what comes in the way that it comes. Time is an Aspect that caused much suffering in the comic, but it is also the savior-Aspect. Time Players seem to “go against the clock”, they are usually either terrified of death or completely alright with the idea of it. They work in melodious ways, are impatient, and enjoy the destination more than the journey itself. They are hardly stable, extremely dedicated and stubborn. Time Players are fighters, sometimes even in a literal way. They also tend to be revolutionary, depending on the Class. They can be related to music, since the ticking of the clock is a reference to melody and heartbeat.

In more miscellaneous descriptions, Time Players can be enjoyers of History. Since Aspects can be literal sometimes, many Time Players struggle with the concept of Time, are bad at keeping track of time, feel like they don’t have time to do all that they want to do, like they have to catch up. Time is the opposite Aspect to “Space”, which is patient and conforming. Time is an Aspect of change.

(Time used to be considered a Derse-only Aspect, since its description is really similar to that of Derse Dreamers. Since the publication of The Extended Zodiac, that was proven to be untrue. Arist, Taurist, Gemrist, Canrist, Lerist, Virist, Librist, Scorist, Sagirist, Caprist, Aquarist and Pirists are all Time + Prospit Extended Signs).

Known Time Players are Dave Strider, Aradia Megido, Damara Megido, Caliborn, and Toby Fox.

2nd Aspect: Breath

Breath is the Aspect of freedom and flexibility, of the element of air, of going with the flow, movement. Breath Players tend to be more detached from reality, and most of them are in search for the liberty that they crave. They’re usually very positive-minded, or are just unaware of the stress they are holding. A character who reminds me of this Breath characteristic is Mr. Peanutbutter from Bojack Horseman. Breath Players’ main theme in their journey will be freedom, and often times they will be leaders or have to deal with leadership.

Breath has that “protagonist” vibe at the same time that it has the “ignored side character” one. John and Tavros holding that Aspect makes that even more true. It is a very unpredictable Aspect, and I believe the players are as well. The bad side of Breath might come from detachment from important things, from people and situations. The players might also be absent-minded, gullible, and sometimes avoidant.

Breath is the opposite Aspect to “Blood”, which shares its leadership characteristics but is about the opposite of freedom.

Known Breath Players are John Egbert, Tavros Nitram, and Rufioh Nitram.

3rd Aspect: Doom

Doom is the Aspect of inevitability, destiny, fate, conformity… Doom Players are known to be good listeners, people who understand and will empathize, even if they don’t know how to fix many issues. They seem to be okay with fate, with the way things work, with both contentment and pain. Doom Player Sollux knew that he was going to die, and he accepted it knowing nothing could be done about it. Doom can be heavily emotional.

Doom is a poetic Aspect, and it’s extremely interesting, although rarely depicted in the comic. A Doom Player’s struggle might be about acceptance, a doubt about how it all is supposed to work. It is realistic and skeptical, not always pessimistic instead. Doom can be stability, having an outlook on life that is healing in their own way. I have heard from a Doom Player that “the Life-Doom Aspect pair is the facet of a person that deals with healing. While Life heals through change and improvement, Doom heals through acceptance and adjustment”. This difference is sometimes described as “the vent friend” (Doom) and “the advice friend” (Life). Life is the opposite Aspect to Doom, and it is serving and helpful.

Known Doom Players are Sollux Captor and Mituna Captor.

4th Aspect: Blood

Blood is the Aspect of bonds, relations, friendship or relationship or hatred, anything that holds the idea of people connecting and interacting. Blood Players usually strive for community, craving the unity of people, thriving on groups of friends, families, rioters getting ready to protest, anything that ties the bloods together. They can have a hard time adjusting to freedom, preferring the value of the attachments in their life. Their view of the world is very interesting, mostly focused on the association between people, even the disharmonic ones.

Blood can be literal, in the sense of a Blood Player’s path having to do with their care or lack of care for a sibling or parent, but it can also be about friends or lovers. They can attempt to form unity whenever they can, that might be their way of dealing with the world. They have a thought that “everyone has the same blood”. Blood is the opposite Aspect to “Breath”, which is focused on freedom and detachment.

Known Blood Players are Karkat Vantas and Kankri Vantas.

5th Aspect: Heart

Heart is the Aspect of the soul, the self, of passion and impulse. Heart Players are described to be obsessed with their own identity, in both the good and bad sense (like every Aspect, it has both sides). They are doomed to struggle with their sense of self, to be focused on the improvement of their own paths. Heart Players know themselves in more intrinsic ways than most people are used to knowing themselves. They are masters of self-analysis, and to quote a Homestuck character, “drowning in [their] own dismal persona”, they “can’t escape from themselves”.

In more literal ways, Heart can have to do with relationships and the idea of love. Many Heart Players seem to have a connection with or a struggle with romantic love, though this is much more a theory. All the Homestuck characters with the Heart Aspect got their hearts broken at one point and were very interested in romance. Many Classes make a Heart Player a great helper to others, since they understand how self-improvement should work and may want to advise others on it. They may know others more than others know themselves too. Heart’s opposite Aspect is “Mind”, of course, which is more focused on rationality and justice.

Known Heart Players are Dirk Strider, Nepeta Leijon, and Meulin Leijon.

6th Aspect: Space

Space is the Aspect of creation, the big picture, the capacity to accept things as they come, adapting to them. Space Players tend to favor the journey over the destination, enjoying the time they spend creating something much more than the end result of it. It is the opposite Aspect to “Time”, which is all about rebellion and, well, time. Space seems to be the most important Aspect in all of Sburb, and a session is impossible without the Space Player, who usually accepts pretty easily what their path is meant to be. They don’t see the point in fighting against what is inevitable, so they pick their fights carefully, prefer to make something out of what they already have.

Space Players can be lonely. But Space is usually patient, and it is big, so big. It is everything, after all. It’s not a coincidence that the creator of Homestuck, the creator of all of this that I’m writing about, is a Space Player. Space gathers everything, and everything is in Space.

(Space used to be considered a Prospit-only Aspect, since its description is really similar to that of Prospit Dreamers. Since the publication of The Extended Zodiac, that was proven to be untrue. Arga, Taurga, Gemga, Canga, Lega, Virga, Liga, Scorga, Sagiga, Capriga, Aquaga and Piga are all Space + Derse Extended Signs).

Known Space Players are Jade Harley, Kanaya Maryam, Porrim Maryam, Calliope, and Andrew Hussie.

7th Aspect: Mind

Mind is the Aspect of reason, justice, logic and decision. Mind Players usually have a very black-and-white view of the world, deciding between choices by considering which path is the most fair. Their journey has to do with rationality, and most times they value facts rather than feelings. A Mind Player who’s driven by emotions might have a more rebellious Class. Mind Players are good at figuring out what choices will be better in a situation, defying the idea that libras are indecisive (The libras in Homestuck are Mind Players). I would say they have a very corrective view of the world, always seeing solution to whatever problems might exist around them, in their own way.

Mind seems to be connected to justice, and not only because of the libra thing. Being the Aspect of decisions, it refers to making choices that will be better for everyone. Mind Player Terezi Pyrope went against her best friend’s plans because she could see that they wouldn’t be fair to anyone but herself. Getting more answers than you have questions is a good way to describe the Aspect. Seeing the patterns of the world, seeing through lies.

Mind’s opposite Aspect is “Heart”, which is the Aspect of the soul and emotional world.

Known Mind Players are Terezi Pyrope and Latula Pyrope.

8th Aspect: Light

Light is the Aspect of knowledge, luck, and literal light too. It is about inviting light into a situation, usually about seeking knowledge and sometimes being obsessed with the answers to everything. Light Players can be scholars, focused on learning the most they can about what they’re interested in, or Light might come up in different ways, not academic or literally.

Light Players seek to find the reasons for what things are what they are. They are great at researching, and this can be abstract or not. They probably had curious childhoods, wanting to search for the meaning of life from a very young age, and still not letting go. They also are not very worried about rules, and like bending them to their own likes. They follow rules that they want to follow and ignore those they find useless.

This Aspect is linked to luck too, and its Players tend to believe in such. Their Classes will also dictate whether they believe they have that luck or not. Light Players don’t have to necessarily be wise; just like other Aspects a Player may show only some aspects of it. But they will always be looking for wisdom. In their own way.

Light can have to do with relevance, with awareness, and like in the comic, with sight in a way. A canon Thief of Light blinded another person, and a canon Sylph of Light fixed their eyesight. Also, Light’s opposite Aspect is “Void”, which is obviously about mystery and emptiness.

Known Light Players are Rose Lalonde, Vriska Serket, and Aranea Serket.

9th Aspect: Void

Void is the Aspect of many things, though Void Players usually describe it as the Aspect of “nothing”. It is, indeed, the Aspect of nothingness. Void is about absence and emptiness, but also potential and mystery. Void doesn’t seek knowledge, and is more interested in what is not there and can be created. Void Players would be interested in mystery, would definitely be more interested in the rising of the sun if they didn’t know how that phenomenon worked. Void’s opposite Aspect is “Light”, which is about curiosity and brightness.

Depending on the Class, Void Players may have issues with their own incompleteness, believing themselves to be empty of feeling or anything at all, irrelevant. Healthy Void Players have learned to thrive in the darkness and to understand how their potential works better in the shadows. Unhealthy Void Players may try to overcompensate by mirroring Light, pretending they are full of what they are really not. If Light is the sun, Void is the ocean, vast and full of enigmas. It is quite literally the Aspect of water in a way, and its Players may have a strong connection to it, one way or another.

Void is more a concept, an idea. It is subtle. It is where light doesn’t reach. It is starting from nothing. It is obscure. Maybe it is lack of luck, depending on the Class. Void is vague, while Light makes itself very obvious. Void is full of riddles.

Known Void Players are Roxy Lalonde, Equius Zahhak, and Horuss Zahhak, interestingly all True Sagittariuses.

10th Aspect: Rage

Rage is the Aspect of truth, doubt, and, well, rage. Rage Players cast doubt in what they dislike more than they believe what they do like. They may be negative and literally driven by fury, though that will depend on their Class. Rage values the truth over anything else, and they might search for it everywhere. It can be irrational, as most rage is. It can be chaotic in both the bad and good ways.

Rage’s opposite Aspect is “Hope”, which is like in the name, focused on belief and trust. This highlights the Rage Player’s skepticism and less naive mentality, and their complicated relationships with religion.

Known Rage Players are Gamzee Makara and Kurloz Makara.

11th Aspect: Hope

Hope is the Aspect of belief, literal hope. Hope Players have and want to have trust in a better reality, and they hope so hard that they can become naive or easy to control. They are more focused on dreaming up a better future than on doubting it can be possible, which makes them the opposite Aspect to “Rage”. Hope is one of the most interesting Aspects, and I assign the song “Imagine” by John Lennon to it.

Hope will change a lot depending on the Class, but ultimately the Players will have a long relationship with faith. In themselves, in others, in love, etc., in literally anything. Hope Player Jake English said to believe in everyone, and was pretty much the only one who had faith in one of his hopeless friends. Jake also believed things about himself that he wished were true, and he did it so well that he took long to realize it was all made up. He realized his adventure-loving self was just a hopeful way to cope. “You know how you think you know these things about yourself? You just believe them and hope that the believing is what makes them true. But then you spend so much time believing those things and taking their truth for granted that you somehow forget to MAKE them true with your words and deeds. How can I truly love adventure when I never even knew what it was?”

Hope is what is left when there is nothing else. It saves its Players from their lowest lows and carries them to their highest highs. Depending on the Class it can make players full of or lacking hope.

Known Hope Players are Jake English, Eridan Ampora, and Cronus Ampora.

12th Aspect: Life

Life is the Aspect of, obviously, life. Plants, health, energy… It is always growing. In most Classes, Life Players are about curing and auxiliating. A Life Player’s challenge can be about a number of things, some can have problems accepting death is inevitable, some can deny that there are some things they cannot fix, others may worry deeply about health in themselves and others… Like all Aspects, Life differs greatly from player to player, and it can be a very powerful Aspect to deal with. One of the most powerful characters in the comic, the Condesce, was a Life Player. She was an incredible manipulator and used her powers for evil. Another Life Player character was Feferi Peixes, who used her royalty and power for good instead, focused on kindness.

More often than not, Life tends to be about helping others and sometimes being neglectful of your own self for the sake of other people. It can extend not only to humans, but also to beings like trees, which are the symbol of Life. Life can be about growing, it is about energy and life itself, the will to exist and the aspects of existence itself. Living wants to keep living. Even the smallest fly will fight to survive.

Known Life Players are Jane Crocker, Feferi Peixes, and Meenah Peixes.

[tosxah]

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have set you ablaze five seconds ago."

Diluc's relationship with Mondstadt's esteemed guests from Snezhnaya has never been particularly healthy.

Bad blood runs both ways between him and those who reside at the Grand Goth Hotel, sharp glances and barbed words occasionally offered whenever their paths crossed -- chiefly on his end, for he was not restricted by the guise of a diplomatic cause, as they were. The master of the Dawn Winery is never sparing in his disdain for the presence of the Fatui within his beloved city walls, nor did he tolerate them as the Knights of Favonius did.

Often, he must make concerted efforts not to cause problems for Mondstadt by picking fights out in the public eye -- and he tries to show as much physical restraint as is reasonably possible for him to manage.

Some among Goth's residents recognized Diluc for what he was: through rumor or first-hand experiences. He was the very same man who had abandoned his Captaincy and his Vision to rage across Teyvat with Delusion in hand, cutting down the Fatui wherever he encountered them in a tenacious quest for vengeance.

Plenty of their comrades had fallen with every nation he swept through -- and plenty more would have followed, had he not almost been killed in his efforts with the intervention of the Harbingers.

He was lucky to get out alive: to see his beloved Mondstadt once more and eventually return to his role in keeping it safe.

Now, with all that in mind, Fatui in the streets are one thing... But one in his tavern ( as he tries to manage a solo close-down for the night, no less! ) is another matter entirely.

"Bar's closed. You're not welcome here. Get out."

( bow chicka wow wowwww :D )

Childe had never been to Mondstadt. He'd never been told to go which was more or less the reason for it. So when the opportunity arose (orders), he went. He was somewhat aware of the goings on with the Goth Hotel but it was never something he had to worry about. That being said though, he'd heard good things from the few Fatuu he passed that had been there and even the Traveller themself. Though Signora had said it had been rather dull... He supposed he could make his own judgement when he arrived.

Oh yeah, Signora was complete right, this was painful. Awfully, awfully dull. There were a few monsters on the outskirts but Gods it was like swatting a fly, hardly worth his time. His presence at the Goth hardly felt necessary too, he was debriefed on the vagueness of the situation and blah b-blah b-blah blaaah. It was a perfectly quaint little town surrounded by nice scenery and filled with nicish people (as nice as foreigners could be to Snezhnayans anyway)... WHAT WAS THE POINT?

Ah well, there was one thing. The story of the supposed 'Mondstadtian' who took out legions of Fatui over years and even challenged a Harbinger. And then poof. Vanished. He was already a Harbinger by this point but no one would tell him the truth of the situation. Shame, perhaps?Given there was little to no information on this phantom. Some Fatuu swore on their lives they were witness to these slaughters, the sole survivors in a terrible ordial. There was hundreds of the opposition or there was one of them or there was fire or there was electric and all Childe had to say is 'either he was weak and you still failed to kill him or you're lying'. Pathetic. Claiming scars that aren't earned. Ahhh but wouldn't it be so nice if it were true? IF this ghost was Mondstadtian, what a delight that would be.

And the Fatuu here were more than sure they'd seen this demon, encountered them even. Childe was more than over the attempts at grabbing his attention with tales so terribly dull and untrue he had to get away from them. Some of them even prattled on about some 'Dark Knight'. He'd heard enough. What a waste of government funds and his time this trip had been.

Childe found himself walking the streets late in the evening, shops closing or closed, a lack of people- just a soft breeze and the warm lights of people retreating for the night. His feet took him around one corner and another until he spotted a poster amongst a few others. "Missing young person. Has blonde hair. Wears exotic clothes..." The traveller had been here. Well if that's the case, why not see what would bring them inside, hm?

He opened the door without even reading where he was heading (though he wasn't completely familiar with the characters of monstadt alphabet) and sat himself at the bar. And oh what a wonderful greeting from the man behind the counter. The brutalism was almost homely actually- a frosty reception, one could say.

He let out a laugh at the 'hospitality'. "Sign outside said you were still open." This may not have been true, he didn't actually read it or see one. "Come on, just one drink?" Red hair. "I assure you," owns a tavern. "My mora is as good as anyone else's." The hostility toward Fatui... There was something in his debriefing about that. What was it again? "Just one." He smilled politely, as a Snezhnayan diplomat should.

[stuckwithmys30lf]

I don't know if I ever had a vision of my dating life too far off into the future as a teenager. I never had really been crush-obsessed, save for Pete Wentz circa 2008 (you just had to be there). What I do know is that I would have never imagined being in the throes of divorce at 29 and attempting to begin dating again.

But as I wrapped up a much needed family trip to San Diego, and the sabbatical I took after leaving Joshua, I knew I didn't want anything serious again for a very long time. While I didn't want sleepovers every weekend and flowers at my door, a consistent lay that wasn't an awful human being sounded just like what I needed. Unfortunately, anyone with a pulse and access to a dating app in 2024 knows that both should be expected, neither are to be guaranteed.

So imagine how it felt finding one really, really good one so quickly. Then watching it drive away. Really, really quickly.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I just watched Simone Biles fall off the beam during the Women's Gymanstic's Olympic Individual Beam Final on my DVR when Tavis called. The suspiciously slippery beam had already made headlines by the time I was off from work and ready to watch the recording, so I knew what I was getting into. The vault final took place just days before and I talked Travis' ear off about the drama over a mediocre breakfast. I couldn't wait to tell him more.

With one arm stretched, pausing Simone mid jump-up back on the beam, I held my phone to the opposite ear.

"Hey handsome! I was hoping you'd call. I'm watching women's gymnastics right now and it's pretty crazy."

"Jane..."

My stomach lurched forward. This was what I had been suspecting would come since the day before, where my texts with Travis had seen more blue than gray. I noted it, decided I was reading too much into things, and moved on. Despite not wanting anything serious, the sting of the breakup call still crawls its way down my throat. I pull the phone away from my face as I take a deep breath.

"I want you to know that I think you are beautiful and I have really enjoyed getting to know you over the past few weeks, but -"

I don't cut him off. I stare straight ahead and try to stifle a nervous smile. I let him get through the classic "it's not you, it's me" speech. "I just got promoted, I have a lot going on." I know none of these things are untrue. When he's finished I thank him for being kind and honest and let him go on about his day.

I really meant it, I admired his ability to be tactful and careful about the situation. Travis was the perfect first guy to have a small, casual relationship after I left Joshua. If 2024 could have any true gentleman left at all, Travis was one of them and it does a woman good to remind herself that she can keep her standards high.

We had met only weeks ago at a coffee shop in the middle of a business park. This wasn't intentional, this is just how a lot of the Puget Sound is set up outside of Seattle. If the little boxes on the hillside are made of ticky-tacky, Kent is made of 3 to 4 story, depressing, cardboard boxes.

Despite being in the middle of a town no one has ever heard of, the two of us grinned at each other while he pulled out my chair and the sun sent cascading golden waves over the adjacent reflection pool. (Side note: what, well - business, do some of these business parks have being so beautiful in the middle of nothing but highways and drive-thru coffee stands?)

Travis opened up to me over the next two weeks and in 4 hour long midnight Discord talks. He also was going through a divorce, and we both had previous partners who made us feel better off alone. It felt nice to confide in someone who sympathized, who knew how it felt at that very moment. Two people hell bent on eye contact, staring into each other's souls and recognizing the hurt.

We held hands. We took things to the bedroom. It was fun. It felt free to know that things could feel this electric again. I didn't want to spend forever with him, but I wanted to spend a bit longer with him. He had bright, hazel green eyes and always looked at me with such softness, and those were the last things I imagined as I put my phone down.

I let out a deep sigh. "Bummer." I didn't cry. I resumed watching Simone Biles come in 5th. I remind myself she's still the best to ever do it.

Fuck, I forgot my favorite leggings at his place. 

[majoringinsarcasm]

Ironically enough the people who openly hate RWBY and who claim they can make it better can only say this BECAUSE of what the original is. Which is a web series. So many people over the years have had major complaints about some anime or video game be if graphics or story or characters but how many of those people actually tried to do a rewrite as well as animate it?

You’re free to dislike things and complain about them. Claiming you HAVE to be critical of rwby all of the time or you’re letting bad things slide is stupid and untrue. I don’t need to post all of me critical or negative thoughts to prove I’m engaging with media I enjoy properly. You don’t know what I do inside of my own head.

But. People are creating things and writing and animating because believe it or not rwby inspired them. You can be inspired by something you don’t like or no longer enjoy. If it sucked so bad you wouldn’t care either way what happened to it. You certainly wouldn’t have come back after a two year hiatus just to shit on it again. Call it spite or obsession but the fact of the matter is that so many talk shit about it because it was made on a small scale.

A single person could not reanimate the two hour long spiderverse sequel in a month. However, someone could make a roughly done rwby style animation in that time. Call it what you want but RWBY is nowhere near as TERRIBLE like to make it seem. And those making rewrites and fanfics and animations are being very creative and that IS good.

Just keep in mind that you’re “making it better” without a budget or timeline in mind, and you’re certainly not making it from scratch. I claim I could write a better code game plot than the one I hate. That doesn’t mean it’s true. I will like it better and others might too but a script is just thought. No art no coding no way to gauge intentional audience reception. No fear of sinking money into a project that’ll leave me ruined if it doesn’t sell.

You can “do it better” because you’re doing it on your own time with an example of what not to do already ten years out. We can all have fun but we should also stay humble. You wouldn’t know what to “fix” without the source existing.

“The show shouldn’t have flaws it should be perfect and then I wouldn’t be so rude and critical” if someone went through your fan project with a fine tooth combed you’d be humbled real fast. Fanfic is not a triple A production and neither was rwby. Let’s all keep that in mind when we “fix” things. Even if it is objectively bad unless you’re operating under the exact same situation as the creators from budget to timeline you can’t compare your for fun done on your timeline project with the thing that had to be made at a certain time and only got so much money to produce. Your plot line is “better” bc you had years to think about how you’d reshape it and not literal months or weeks. A bad story is a bad story but even good stories suffer from limitations like that and ignoring that while burning a single web series to hell and back for ELEBEN YEARS is really. Telling.

[starbuck]

Ya know, now that they’ve gotten Mutual Confirmation of Feelings via The Big Kiss out of the way, I kinda DO hope that they go the maxanor route with Stede and Ed and have their relationship be antagonistic throughout much of s2 (but also in the sense that they’re still learning more about each other and gaining a deeper understanding) until the end where they’re forced to become reluctant allies to confront some larger threat (probably the navy, furious that Blackbeard went back to piracy, thereby nullifying their victory in 1x09).

And then the first half of s3 is dedicated to Stede and Ed rekindling their friendship and healing some of those old wounds and midway through s3, at some time when all hope seems lost (maybe they’re in a holding cell together waiting to be hanged or something?), we get a “Where would we have gone?”-esque scene and it’s heartwrenching.

But THEN, because this show isn’t a tragedy like Black Sails, they actually DO get a second chance to Escape The Narrative, and ultimately get the happy ending that Max and Eleanor couldn’t have. I just think that would be Neat.

[whoree321]

yo can i get some tech x chaotic gender neutral reader headcanons?

(fuck yeah bestie you understood the assignment. also i kinda went on my own interpretation of chaotic so if you had something a little different in mind lmk and i can make adjustments!)

tech x chaotic!gn!reader headcanons

ok so here’s the thing about tech

he is literally surrounded by/related to some of the most chaotic individuals in the entire galaxy

like wrecker? crosshair? talk about a hot mess express

and let’s not act like he doesn’t have his own little chaotic streak festering beneath that rigid hairline

so long story short, when you come along in all your chaotic glory, it really isn’t a big adjustment for him

he might be a little surprised after he first meets you (how could someone so alluring and attractive also have that personality??) but overall your presence is simply an addition to the pre-existing insanity of the bad batch

he notices right away how well you fit in with his brothers (matching wrecker’s rambunctiousness or crosshair’s quiet nefariousness or both in your own special way) and tbh he’s a little jelly

and by a little jelly i mean he’s 100% super jealous

he watches how you joke around with them and plan pranks with wrecker and make dark commentary with crosshair and how your antics get a laugh out of echo and sometimes even hunter and how well your energy matches theirs and part of him absolutely hates it

(the other part, of course, is too busy being enamoured by the music of your laugh and the mischievous twinkle in your eye and the electric brush of your shoulder against his armor when you move past him in the cockpit of the marauder to really form an opinion on your relationship with his brothers)

despite his envy, tech is not the type to allow his emotions to derail positive outcomes (on missions or in personal matters)

he’s not gonna spoil y’alls fun or even let you know he’s upset about it. if there’s one thing tech thinks he can do it’s keep his emotions in check

when chaos ensues, he regards you with the same familiar condescension and snark he uses with wrecker (although you realize quickly there’s an amusement in his gaze when he mocks you that’s absent when he speaks to the others)

as much as he loathes the current situation, he ultimately also recognizes that it’s no ones problem but his that you are more compatible for individuals with personality types more like wrecker or crosshair

(little does he know you’ve had your eye on him and only him pretty much the whole time)

before your relationship, tech is the unsuspecting victim of a lot of your tomfoolery

you tend to mess with him the most (totally not bc you have a crush on him or anything nononono)

hiding a tool or his data pad when he’s not looking? a classic

“tech i have no idea where your wrench is i don’t even know what it looks like” “y/n you play this practical joke approximately 3.7 times a standard week I know you are lying”

stating completely made up facts about different things or places with full confidence and arguing with him when he corrects you? tried and true

“fun fact: loth cats actually have a secret fifth leg tucked up underneath them and it only comes out in extreme emergency circumstances” “that could not be more untrue” “ok well have you ever checked” “…no, but..” “see tech there’s just some things you can’t know from book learning” “*deep sigh*”

the best is when you flirt with him tho

it is bold and brash

“I need something sharp to cut through this” “just use your jawline ;)”

“the system we are traveling to is known for its extreme heat and rough terrain” “hot and rough? sounds like you in the bedroom ;)”

he chokes and blushes everytime

despite the constant torment and how much he acts like it’s a nuisance, he secretly loves all the attention you give him (even if it’s at his expense)

knowing our sweet boy he is wayyy too socially awkward to make the first move in this situation (or to even recognize there is a situation tbh)

tech is pretty confident you view him as strictly a friend and an easy target for your shenanigans

like even if you basically admit to liking him, he’s gonna think it’s another joke. plotting and scheming with the other boys to make him step up (a classic “i’m gonna pretend to make a move on them to force your hand” for example) will not work

you have to very directly confess to him and it has to be very very genuine and away from the rest of the boys in order to get it into his exceptional mind that you seriously have feelings for him

once he gets that you mean it tho, he’s over the moon

and once youre in a relationship? the rest of the batch should be WORRIED

now your focus is no longer on messing with tech, and you have a super genius on your side

he may have enjoyed being a casual observer and constant victim before, but now that you’ve allowed him on your team it’s a totally different ballgame

he’s still happy to take a backseat and let you do your thing, but he also loves to be a background player in all your hooplah

you wanna play a prank? tech is scheming and building shit and looking at diagrams to figure out the best way to execute it

hunter gets mad at something you did? tech has already figured out a way to pull focus off of you and onto one of the other boys

OR EVEN BETTER a non-batcher (a reg, a superior, a random streetgoer) takes an isssue with you? tech is launching into a full rant with them about something completely unrelated and giving you time to scamper away before they can even begin to reprimand you

tech is the kind of boyfriend that isn’t gonna overtly match your energy, but can keep up and will balance you out

you still mess with him, but now he has the confidence to mess with you right back

this also creates a really spicy sexual dynamic (I won’t go too into that but def a lot of teasing, brat taming kinda stuff)

overall i actually think tech would be really good with someone more chaotic and wild bc he can seem so rigid but isn’t actually like i think that type of relationship would really suit him

you bring out his playful side and he keeps you grounded, out of trouble, AND acts as a top notch audience/partner in crime

rip hunter tho now he’s got tech to worry about on top of all the rest of you (except echo he’s a perfect angel who could never cause trouble for anyone <3)

[redrosewhiterose]

The Spanish Princess Season 1: A ridiculously long review

I finally watched The Spanish Princess, everyone's favorite hate watch of 2019-2020. The last instance (thank God) of the infamous Gregoryverse, this series is a sequel (kinda?) of the mini series The White Princess, who in turn is a sequel of The White Queen. It is also... something else entirely.

Everything bad about this show has already been said: it's trash, it's full of misoginy, it's inaccurate in a way that's offensive to the people it portrays, the characters are unlikeable, the pacing is terrible, the costumes are dreadful, it's just a really bad written TV show. I am saying nothing new. And yet, I felt compelled to write a review, because I think that the reason why this show was terrible in a way that neither TWQ nor TWP were can be traced back to a single thing: ageing up Prince Henry. This had such a domino effect that created a problem that wasn't present in the previouse series, therefore making it bad even for the standards of the Gregoryverse. The problem being that Catherine's story doesn't work at all with Henry being of marriageable age.

Hear me out: had Henry been older when Arthur died, he would have married Catherine the moment their parents made the new agreement, and that would've been it. The precarious situation in which she ended during her years as a widow simply wouln't have happened. You can't have that story with growed up Henry. Or at least, you can't have that story while still making sense. And this was the main problem: they still wanted that story, so they made it and it made no sense. And I'm not even talking about not making sense because it's not historically accurate, just not making sense within the shows' universe.

Let me give you an example: in The White Princess it was stablished that the Infanta's hand was a prize worth killing for. Actually, even if we ignore TWP, in the first episode of this show they established that Catherine and Arthur's marriage was crucial because Spain was an extremely rich and powerful country and England a broke and backward one (pretty sure this is untrue). Not only that, even Catherine's Lancaster ancestry (namely being a great-great-great granddaughter of John of Gaunt) and the exacutions of the Earl of Warwick and Perkin Warbeck were brought up. She is important and key to the Tudors, they need her. And yet the second Arthur dies suddenly she is useless, everyone hates her and wants to inmmediately get rid of her. Why? Why are they going against everything that was established one episode ago?? It makes no damn sense.

The show tries to give very lame excuses to this: from Elizabeth of York having a prophecy (???) about Catherine and Prince Henry's marriage being doom to produce no sons to Margaret Beaufort just hating her for no reason at all. But the real answer is painfully crystal clear: Henry is old enough to marry Catherine. They have to invent these stupid reasons and contradict their own logic because if they didn't, there wouldn't be any conflict in the show. So now it's not that Catherine can't remarry Henry because he is a literal child so she has to wait, and during those years of waiting the political landscape of Europe changes so much that she is no longer an attractive bride for England anymore, but that the King's Mother is evil and gets in the way of Catherine and Henry's true love because she doesn't like her!

Which leads me to the second biggest problem of the show: Margaret Beaufort being the main villain makes no fucking sense. I know that Philippa Gregory has a personal vendetta against her, and that these trashy adaptations do nothing but further the slander towards Margaret but MY GOODNESS the way this series goes above and beyond to paint her as evil is just vile. And a problem, because it doesn't work. Take The White Queen: since we followed characters from different factions, while there were "evil" characters, there weren't really villains, just people who ended up in the opposite sides of the battlefield. And that worked because they all strived for the same prize, the English throne, and put their lives in line for it. In The White Princess our main villains are the Duchess of Burgundy and Perkin Warbeck (although here he is actually Richard, Duke of York), and once again, it works because they want to depose our main characters and take revenge against them (no matter how much Emma Frost and co tried to make us believe that Warbeck was good and loved his sister, there is no way that he was just going to let go his nephews as if nothing lol). Meanwhile, in The Spanish Princess the main villain is Margaret Beaufort, because she wants to... send Catherine back to Spain because she has an irracional hatred towards her. That's it. That is literally the biggest danger Catherine faces: that she may be sent back home.

It just doesn't work. We went from pretenders to the throne that put our main characters' lives at risk to grandmother-in-law from hell doesn't like our protagonist. The stakes are so low it's ridiculous. And it's even more jarring when we all know were this is going. Elizabeth Woodville and Elizabeth of York may be more unknown to the general public, but most people have at least a vague idea of who Catherine of Aragon was. Every episode's cliffhanger after episode 2 it's "Oh no, something happened that will prevent Catherine from marrying Prince Harry!! Will she ever become Queen now??" and it's really stupid because the answer is yes, of course she is going to become Queen, she is Wife Number 1, divorced, you literally sold this show as the story of Henry VIII's first and true love. We know that. There is nothing engaging in watching a show that drags the unavoidable for six episodes and give us nothing else.

Because even though this show really wants you to feel sorry for Catherine and root for her, it also has a weird reluctance to actually showing us Catherine struggling with her undefined status after Arthur's death. Everyone is rude to her! She has to choose between old king Henry and his young son! Her mom wants her to go back home to live like a princess! She got send to a small apartment! She doesn't know if Harry truly loves her! And it goes on and on until she marries Henry. And yes some of these things are kinda bad, but they never feel... actually difficult? Like you never feel that Catherine is going through a hard time, because the show never pushes her too much out of her confort zone. This comes directly from the already mentioned biggest problem of ageing up Henry, because now Catherine isn't in a limbo in which she has no idea what's going to be of her for seven years, but only for a couple of months. For real, there isn't any indicator that even a season has passed, since the weather never changes. This season might as well take place in a single month for all we know.

The series also has a very anti-Tudor sentiment, which was also present in the two previouse instance of the franchise, but here comes off as weird: we are meant to see the Tudors, personified by Margaret Beaufort, as tyrants, impostors and simply unworthy of rulling England. King Henry is an uncapable ruler dominated by his ruthless mother (remember the whole character arc he went in TWP in which he separate himself from the influence of his mother? no? well, neither did the screenwritters) and the whole country hates them. Edmund de la Pole, the Yorkist pretender of the hour, lurks through out the entire season, but no one actually cares except for Margaret Beaufort and sometimes King Henry (and that's bad for some reason). It's just weird how he isn't threatening at all, given that it is crucial for our protagonist that the Tudors remain in power. But no, the screenwritters love the Yorks so much that even when de la Pole should be the greatest concern to Catherine, given that all the trouble she is going through to marry Prince Henry would be for nothing if his family gets deposed, he is merely Margaret Pole's friendly cousin that wants to help her by overthrowing the tyranic Tudors. Maybe it's just me, but I found strange how we are still asked to dislike the Tudors while simultanously root for our protagonist to marry into said family.

Also, another thing that I think was a failure is the fixation on Catherine lying about having consummated her marriage to Arthur. I don't think the real Catherine lied, but that's not the point: it is yet one more thing that doesn't work because of how known Catherine's story is. Episode after episode, there's always some variant of "Oh no, Catherine lied about being a virgin!! Will this ever come back at her??" and the answer once again is yes, we all know this. And it's also just annoying hindsight, because whether Catherine slept with Arthur or not wasn't important until Henry decided to base the annulment of his marriage to her in that fact. I think Catherine lying would've work better if we, the audiance, were made to believe that nothing happened until the season finale. You know that final conversation in which Catherine swore to Henry that she never slept with Arthur? Just imagine the impact that the scene could've had if it was revelead right then that Catherine did consummated her first marriage, and that she had been lying to everyone, the audiance included.

Overall, I actually think that Catherine's widowhood could have made for an interesting TV series, but the way they handle it just resulted in an uninteresting, predictable, utterly boring show. That was my biggest surprise watching this: how dull it is. For all their problems, TWQ and TWP were very entertaining series, and even when I was yelling at my scream for something awfully inaccurate that was happening, I was engaged in the story. Here I got bored in episode four, and I continued to be bored until the end. The story really has nothing to offer: just going on circles about whether Catherine will marry Henry or not, while the characters remain exactly as they were at the beginning. I could and I have more to say about this disastrous show, but the review is already ridiculously long, and anyway I'm not bringing anything new to the table. I am a completionist, so even though I didn't enjoy this series at all, I will watch the second season. Oh well, at least I'll get to see more Hot Thomas Boleyn, so it won't be all suffering.

My score: somehow they managed to make a TV show that makes The Other Boleyn Girl (2008) look like a not terrible movie in comparison

[80s4life]

The Things I've Never Done Pt.2

Word Count: 1,968

Status: Not requested!

Fandom: Titanic 1997

A/N: I went to the actual Titanic museum in Tennessee last weekend! It was very sad, I'm not gonna lie, and I may have shed a few tears along the way. Besides that, it was an amazing experience and I absolutely love the movie even more now! I am also thinking of making this into a short story of sorts, but let me know in the comments or something?

Relationship: Caledon "Cal" Hockley x Brown!Female!Reader

Summary: Now that the offer is on the table, it is a matter of if Cal will take it or not. And if he will, what could possibly so worth-while and so fulfilling compared to what he has already done?

Warnings: language, fluff OVERLOAD!

Masterlist Titanic Masterlist Part One Pt.3 Pt.4* Pt.5 Pt.6 Pt.7 Pt.8 Pt.9 Pt.10 [epilogue]

{Not my gif and and additional information was given through extensive research of the actual Molly Brown and Titanic}

Y/C/C= Your Choice of Color {for the dress}

"Jack is a drawer. An artist even. He sees the beauty in things that go underestimated, underrated, and overlooked. He's a dreamer. I'm a dreamer. You, you are a man blinded by his own wealth and fortune. You're materialistic without even realizing it! You do know that not everything needs to be bought right? And love, love is another story. You can't stop love even if you tried, arranged or not, it's love. Have you ever even tried to live life outside of luxury? Taken risks?"

He takes in this new information surprisingly, actually considering the words that had spewed so naturally and from the heart. After a moment of silence, he finally answers, whispering, "No, no I haven't." He finishes his sentence, now looking at me, staring into my eyes, the loneliness and uncertainty evident.

I almost feel bad for him, considering the fact that I don't know him either. He probably never had the chance to be a kid, reckless and free, dumb and crazy. With that thought, I quickly ask him, "Want me to show you?"

Now we continue...

Chapter 2: The Beginning of Something Beautiful

<3rd Person Perspective>

The pair sit in silence. It was almost suffocating with how quiet and embarrassing the situation had seemed. Y/N had asked the question in the heat of the moment, a quick question that never quite registered in her mind before she spewed it. Now she sits quietly, a tint to her cheeks, with everything around her now evidently more interesting than the man beside her. For Cal, the question was quite offending to say the least. The way the woman had described a thrill seemed amazing, like it was something he never experienced. He didn't understand what could possibly be better than money, no matter what anyone says is better being free. Maybe he was materialistic. But he was happy?

"What could possibly be so thrilling if it isn't bought? To me, it is the most absurd thing I've ever heard," he finally speaks, followed by a dry laugh, catching Y/N's attention quietly.

"We if I must say, not to overstep our boundaries sir, but your an ass to judge things you have never done personally. It is neither the same in perspective nor is it anymore correct than if it were another person with the same mindset disagreeing with you. You don't have the facts nor the personal experience to deny or support your claim. It's simply untrue."

The space between the pair quickly grow quiet again, this time not so much an embarrassing silence, but more a tense silence full of questions and strong beliefs on both ends of argument. If Cal was to be honest with himself, she holds her own quite well, not letting him belittle her in the way he had intended. This makes him think that what she may be saying may possibly be true, may be something one of a kind, and that's what finally led him to his decision. "If what your babbling about is what you claim it is, then I would like to take you up on your offer."

Y/N's face instantly lights up, emitting such a broad smile, brightening up her face underneath the pale moonlight. It was a striking sight, someone so utterly excited, like a kid in a candy store. Y/N was about to jump up and down with his acceptance, but instead, settled for a firm handshake of promise. Cal smiles and returns the handshake, quickly being lifted off his seat on the bench immediately after, with not a second to waste. Cal could see Y/N's happiness, making him snicker at such a mindless behavior.

To him, this was just something that was going to waste his time, but to Y/N, it was something extravagant. It's not everyday that you get to let loose and show someone something they've never seen. Y/N always enjoyed the look of disbelief and sheer excitement when opening them up to something new. It was like giving someone a gift for their birthday, or a present on a day not important at all. Either way, she couldn't wait, knowing exactly where to start.

///

Y/N awaits Cal by the grand staircase, informing him to where something less stuffy and stiff, wanting him to let loose. But alas, as he makes his way to her swiftly, he wears yet another suit, gorgeous, but less intricate in his opinion, making him feel that his status could be at risk. He clears his throat sharply as he looks at her from the last group of stairs beside her, hands in his pockets and bored expression as evident as ever. Y/N couldn't help herself, and laughs at his stature.

For her, she had settled for a light Y/C/C, long and free-flowing dress, illuminating her features. It was high-class, yet calm and comfortable compared to the stiff dresses she would usually wear, settling with no corset or bra of any type, being comfortable in her natural beauty and prime. Even as they had tried to be more relaxed, they still managed to look like porcelain dolls.

{The dress}

Leading Cal down the staircase, she takes him toward the staircase of the lower deck as quickly as she could manage. She knew the closer she got, the awaiting cries of disagreement would sound. And as if he had read her mind, he quickly stands his ground where he is, stubbornly not making any attempt to move and crossing his arms. With this, Y/N imagines a toddler, except this toddler was 6' 1/2" and very high in status. All she does is sigh and give him a pointed look, if he wants to act as a child, she would simply give him a taste of his own medicine.

"You shook on it!" she says, cursing herself for actually being as childish as he is, mimicking his stance. He raises his brow, obviously amused, smirking in response. "Fine!" without a second to spare, she takes hold of his hand firmly, yanking him down the stairs with her. Surprised, he trips down the lot of them, now following blindly behind her with his arm held hostage.

If his eyebrows weren't as high as they were when he was still above deck, they were now, as he is met with the smell of booze, smoke, sweat, and the sounds of blasting music, laughter, and an overall happiness that overcomes the room, or floor, as he could say.

Cal takes it in silently, watching the people from the entrance of the lower deck, as Y/N silently observes him. She watches as he drinks everything in; the card games, the drinking games, the dancing, the band, the groups of people enjoying each others company. Y/N giggles as she notices a little girl coming Cal's way, in a determined state-of-mind.

Stopping just before his legs, she tugs on his arm lightly, looking up at his tall frame. He lowers his gaze surprised, given as he was a scary individual, even to the adults. Y/N giggles lightheartedly at the kids guts, surely she has never seen so much audacity on such a small being.

"Hi mister, I was wondering if you would like to dance? My friend William had went off to dance with my older sister, Mary, and left me alone even though we were dancing first!" the little girl asks with a glint in her eyes.

Cal looks at Y/N for help, almost as if he were panicking. She simply gives him a small smile and nudge on the shoulder, motioning to the girl before him. She was roughly 5 years of age, with the bluest eyes and prettiest curly black hair, a perfect contrast in Y/N's opinion. She might draw the girl later.

When she motions to her sister again, it is easy to see the reason why her sister, Mary, had ditched her. She had the same features of the little girl, but clearly a bit older than her, being maybe 13? 14? And the boy, William, about the same age as Mary. A childhood crush maybe, or the first steps into young adulthood when boys become more important.

Giving Y/N a look, it came as a shock as he knelt before the girl, silently asking for her hand, bringing it to his lips for a polite kiss, treating her as a princess in the books you read as a child. "Why, I would be honored to have this dance with you," Cal says sweetly, in a voice Y/N is sure no one's ever heard before. "But first, milady, I must ask, what is your name?"

The little girl giggles at the funny voice he had used, responding with, "Dorothy. Dorothy Richmond."

Watching silently as the pair walking hand in hand towards the deck used as a dance floor, Y/N smiles warmly, never seeing this side to Cal before. He's not so much an ass once you see him in a different light I guess, she thinks.

Y/N makes her way away from the dance floor, towards the sidelines, this type of dancing not done when sober fro her. Instead, she finds a table with two ladies her age, warmly welcoming her to sit and talk, or watch if she preferred. The table was neatly hidden from Cal, as Y/N wanted to experience this new sensation on his own, even if it was with a child or a group of people.

The pair dance to a slow song, the girl clumsily tripping on her feet before Cal lightly lifts her to stand on his shoes, as he leads them in a more articulated two-step. The girl can be seen in a fit of giggles as Cal says something incoherent and too far away from Y/N for her to understand. She can only assume it might've been a joke of sorts.

As the song ends and a new, faster song starts to play, the pair is jostled about as the dancing becomes more intense. With this, Cal settles with placing Dorothy in his arms instead. One arm under her bum for support and the other outstretched in a mock-dance. Dorothy's once unease quickly settles with the new position and instead, leans in, and wraps her arms around Cal's neck.

Y/N takes a moment to look around once more, having her eyes glued to the pair for a while. She snickers lightly as she catches a glimpse of Mary, dancing with William, gazing at her younger sister in slight jealousy. Y/N couldn't blame her though, Cal was a sight for sore eyes. He looked so into his element, so free and beautiful.

Looking to the women beside her at the table, she catches knowing looks, as if they could see something Y/N didn't. Giving them a questionable look in return, they giggle like little schoolgirls before the teasing and prodding about the two being together starts. Y/N denies the pairing questions, but can't help but realize that she might like him, Caledon Hockley, the asshole. Maybe just a little bit...

After a few more songs, Dorothy's mother comes to collect her, taking her and Mary back to their room somewhere on the 3rd class floor. Cal smiles and waves as Dorothy leaves, and her mother gives him a silent thank you in response, leading her happy little ones away.

Cal, now exhausted, looks around the room, searching for Y/N until their eyes meet with matching grins. The ladies, who Y/N had come to learn were Frances Gates and Lillian Butterfield, giggled once more before they each squeezed Y/N's shoulder, and left, leaving the table open for Cal to sit beside her.

Cal makes his way to the table, smiling with his hair in a untamed, sweaty mess and a light red tint to his cheeks. "Hi," is all he manages as he sits down beside Y/N, pulling his chair closer to hers and snagging a beer left untouched.

"Hi," she responds sweetly, looking at his relaxed figure. The pair just stare at each other for a while, before they get into a comfortable conversation.

It started with Y/N asking where he learned to dance, leading to them telling each other their lives before they boarded the Titanic, leading to funny childhood stories, and finally lighthearted teasing and jokes that only they understood. They had learned more about each other in the hours spent at that table than anyone had liked to know about them before; not Rose, Cal's arranged fiance, and not even Molly, Y/N's mother, who although loved her, does not know the trouble she has gotten into throughout her youth.

The pair, now in fits of laughter at one of Y/N's childhood stories, involving a pig, rope, and mud, had slowly faded, leaving them staring into each other's eyes fondly had soon ended with Cal's simple question, "What's next?"

To be continued...

[aiyexayen]

re: that "I'll live for you post" - WHERE'S THE ESSAY

this post? [innocent face]

alright, alright, JUST TWIST MY ARM WHY DON'T YOU, just force me to talk more about my boys!

4.9k word essay under the cut

Wei Wuxian

Let us take a look at Wei Wuxian first. Wei Wuxian has no problems throwing himself in-between the people he loves and danger, or even certain death. Hell, sometimes he just throws himself into it for fun and profit!

To some extent, putting yourself in danger to help others and being willing to die is something of a cultivator thing in general, a hero thing in general, right? And Wei Wuxian is a prodigy, exceptionally strong and clever, so he has more reason than most to be a little cavalier. But most of the point of training so hard as a cultivator and getting strong and aligning yourself with a sect is kind of so you can be in real danger of dying as little as possible, one would presume.

So we're going to set aside the danger-as-a-profession thing for now, because I think it's only tangentially related.

The real point is, Wei Wuxian is sacrificial to a fault. If there is a problem, he decides he's the one who needs to fix it. And his first go-to solution is to throw himself at it, to give up anything of himself if it's viable. As clever as he is, if he finds a workable solution that involves his own sacrifice, he doesn't stop to look for anything else.

Some of it is pride--not wanting to admit he needs help from anyone else, and the shame of being seen as weak.

Some of it is arrogance--a very natural kind given his competence, the presumption that he knows best in a given situation (neurodivergent arrogance walking hand-in-hand with self-esteem issues is always a fun time).

Some of it is appropriate--ranging from his own moral imperative to protect the weak and do what's right to his understanding of his place in culture and in his own sect and relationships.

Some of it is a natural bent toward caretaking, "fixing," and heroics--someone has to do it, so it's going to be Wei Wuxian. He won't hesitate to take initiative in any other area of life, and this is no exception.

And some of it, yes, is a lack of value placed in his own life--between a more youthful, dramatic perspective on 'I would die for you/for this cause' taking priority in his worldview, and some genuine self-esteem issues. Issues largely stemming from his uncertain place in the world growing up and his uncertain relationship with parental/guardian/master and other familial figures, all stewing under the surface and brought to light sharply when the world went to shit and choices were made and he lost or seemed to have lost everything from his reputation to his home to his extant support structures. The paranoia and voices in his head (the ptsd and resentful-energy-as-ptsd-metaphor both) only drove that home.

Basically, Wei Wuxian was already trending in some unfortunate directions but his circumstances and the people surrounding him kept him grounded, and the events of the story as it unfolded really pushed him all in. No one thing or one person--even Wei Wuxian himself--is really to blame for that, which is the beauty of the story really.

I also think Wei Wuxian started to buy into some of his own stories at his lowest points--the things he said or came up with, lies he told publicly, justifications he made for his choices once the heat of the moment and the panic was over. Justifications he made to himself and to others. He purposefully led people to believe much that was incorrect about him and his character and his status, to which the response was distaste and horror, and even though he planned it that way in order to push everyone away I really think he started to believe it himself. Depression and trauma are just really fun times.

I'm getting a bit off-topic.

The point remains, Wei Wuxian is extremely sacrificial. He comes by much of it naturally, and not nearly all of it is bad or melodrama or angst or even unhealthy or problematic. It's one of his good qualities, too, and it's one of the ways he knows how to love.

All of the threads weaving together to make Wei Wuxian and the situations he finds himself sacrificing things in are all true, but it also really comes down to love. He loved Jiang Cheng enough to sacrifice his everything and risk his life doing so. He loved his sect enough he was willing to sacrifice his right hand. He loved his sect enough to sacrifice his very ties to it. He loved Lan Zhan enough to sacrifice their friendship. He loved Jin Ling enough to sacrifice himself to the curse he got in the Nie tombs. (And more!)

Wei Wuxian loved, and so he sacrificed. Thus, the initial post.

Jiang Cheng

Let's switch gears for a moment and talk about my darling Jiang Wanyin.

Ah, Jiang Cheng, Jiang Cheng. Taking the initiative and sacrificing at the drop of a hat and so forth are not really characteristics of Jiang Cheng's the same way they are for Wei Wuxian.

And yet, is he not also a disciple of Yunmeng Jiang; is he not also a young hero? Has he not pride, and the incentive to do good?

Does he not also see love as sacrifice?

Zi Zhizhu was his mother. The woman who sacrificed to get Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian to safety. The woman who killed herself and crawled across the ground to hold her husband's hand in death.

You think she wasn't Like That the whole time? You think Jiang Cheng picked up nothing of such behaviours from her, even before that day?

Hah.

Besides which, there's absolutely an underlying theme of Jiang Cheng trying to be like Wei Wuxian for much of their lives.

Partially just...Wei Wuxian, strong and clever and popular shige, always manages to get credit and glory and good stories and good favour, exemplary of the Jiang motto--the one Jiang Cheng's own name is tied to. They were supposed to be shuangjie, besides. How could he not want to be like him at least a bit? If nothing else, it's a little brother's curse.

And partially this is also due to Jiang Cheng's parents and that whole Situation.

It was complicated for so many reasons, and absolutely left Jiang Cheng feeling inferior to Wei Wuxian. As though he needed to be more like Wei Wuxian, to emulate him, in order to be worthy of his title and station and inheritance, something that turned out to be categorically untrue in the end. There are many kinds of leaders, and many kinds of strengths.

As an aside, I personally think that's something Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan knew, themselves, as adults and leaders and political figures in their own rights. Adults often don't realise or think about how the things they say can influence children's entire worldviews and senses of self (why, no, I don't speak from experience, why would you ask such a thing ahaha).

Jiang-zongzhu and Zi Zhizhu got a lot of their own relationship difficulties and misunderstandings and conflicts and conflicting attempts to want the best for their children (and ward) tangled up in everything. I think if they'd ever been able to speak plainly, if they could manifest into the Ancestral Hall and speak to Jiang Cheng, they would say so.

Just as Jiang Cheng would have cause to be horrified by much of what Wei Wuxian believed about himself, I think Jiang Cheng's parents would have cause to be horrified by much of what Jiang Cheng believed. (I mean, and Wei Wuxian, probably.)

Anyway.

Jiang Cheng has plenty of reasons to aspire to those same ideals of sacrifice. And it's not just aspirations, either--we see him follow through.

He walked outside from that inn, saw Wei Wuxian in danger, and made a decision in the space of a single breath--a decision with full understanding, too. He knew he was giving up his entire life for Wei Wuxian's. He said goodbye in his head.

I would argue (and I'm sure I've said this before somewhere too) that his sacrifice was the purest example of this in the entire story.

Perhaps some of it is that many of Wei Wuxian's sacrifices are premeditated and just about all of them have alternative solutions that don't involve him just diving in and giving pieces of himself up.

That isn't to say that Wei Wuxian wouldn't see a sword aimed at Jiang Cheng and take the blow himself. But we never see him do that, exactly. As much as Jiang Cheng has internalised this ideal of Wei Wuxian's, he both encounters fewer of these situations and has other problem-solving tactics in his repertoire.

The way Jiang Cheng hates himself doesn't lead him to think of himself as disposable. I could get into a (very amateur) discussion of negative schemas formed in childhood and their various similarities and differences, and the different ways Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's brains appear to work (Jiang Cheng sees himself as inferior, while Wei Wuxian willfully dehumanises himself in other ways), but basically, it's simply a different set of psychological issues.

But! When he is faced with the choice, Jiang Cheng absolutely dies for the ones he loves.

He loves his sect and his family, and he internalises love as sacrifice, and when it comes down to an extreme moment he chooses to die for them.

And then he doesn't die.

And then the war happens.

Jiang Cheng's Growth

There are a lot of reasons for Jiang Cheng to grow in this area, and I think it starts with inheriting the sect.

(This leads to excellent thoughts about What If Wei Wuxian Had Somehow Become Sect Leader but that's an au for another day.)

If sect heir was a position full of responsibility and reputation management, how much more so is zongzhu? Jiang Cheng is suddenly responsible for all these people. Whether he's good enough or not doesn't even matter. The job is there and it's inescapable and he's the only one there to do it.

I'm absolutely sure he still has all kinds of inferiority shit he's dealing with by post-timeskip and he only just gets to touch on some pieces of resolution by the end of the story, with the one person still in the world who would even know anything about the life that gave it to him.

Jiang Cheng has been responsible for people before, in small ways--night hunts and such, I'm sure, and he was certainly in charge of the Yunmeng Jiang disciples who went to Cloud Recesses. But being at the top of that hierarchy entirely is such a different matter, and he did so at a very young age and in a very fraught time.

The fact that he had to deal with all this new responsibility and duty to people more than his family and to causes greater than the first people in need he encounters is a huge perspective shift. Especially as a sect with nothing to give and no wiggle room where it comes not only to basic resources post-war, but to things like reputation and political standing. This is, of course, a huge facet to the conflict between him and Wei Wuxian (and the Wen remnants) at that point in the story.

But on a personal level it also speaks to the sacrifice thing. If Jiang Cheng sacrifices his life, he is not just sacrificing his own life anymore.

When he gave up his life for Wei Wuxian, he had not yet inherited. His parents were only barely gone. There was nothing to inherit. There was no surety of there ever being something to inherit ever again. Everything else was already gone. It was only the three of them, barely surviving, running for their lives. It was only him and Wei Wuxian in a street, and one of them had to die.

But once he inherits? He's a commander. He's a leader. He has all the knowledge and all the networking connections. He has the reputation. He has the social standing. He might still have a long way to go in developing his skills, but he has a natural leadership ability and he does have training appropriate to his station.

What happens if he personally sacrifices his life? What happens to all of that? What happens to everyone depending on him?

That's not very satisfying, very epic-worthy. That's not very dramatic or romantic. It's gradual, and messy, that kind of change and realisation. Becoming that kind of person. Making choices based in that reality. Deciding that you do not belong to yourself.

And I think it really comes to a head when his siblings die.

I think it comes to a head personally. Not just in his role as Jiang-zongzhu. We don't see Jiang Cheng choose not to die, in as many words. But we certainly see him choose to live.

Or, perhaps, we see the evidence of that choice.

Jiang Cheng could have faded away. He could have started delegating all his responsibilities, gotten help from other sects, trained up a replacement. He could have made such things necessary by getting more and more reclusive. He could have pulled a Qingheng-Jun.

Hell, with a-jie gone already, he could have just said fuck this and followed Wei Wuxian off that cliff, and if you don't think he wonders about that sometimes--at least at first--then we have very different interpretations of Jiang Cheng as a person.

And no, none of those are sacrifice. But at some point, he still chose to do the opposite.

He chose every day to live for his sect, to keep growing it into something powerful and secure. He took that vow that he made and he fucking stuck to it.

And he chose to live for Jin Ling.

I don't half wonder if that was a bigger driving force at first than anything else.

Jiang Cheng could absolutely have left Jin Ling to be raised by his Jin family in the absence of his parents and fucked off to hide away in Yunmeng and had nothing to do with him. He could have done a lot of things, let himself develop in a lot of ways, unhealthy ways.

But he so very clearly did not.

Jin Ling and Jiang Cheng have a close relationship. Jin Ling defers to Jiang Cheng, is answerable to him on night hunts and beyond them. It's never questioned why he's basically just in the Yunmeng Jiang party by himself. Yunmeng Jiang disciples answer to Jin Ling in turn, follow his orders without question in the absence of their zongzhu. It's a Yunmeng Jiang disciple who hands Xianzi off to Jin Ling outside the Guanyin Temple in Yunping, and Jiang Cheng is intimately familiar with Xianzi's commands and is apparently a trusted person to give them (which, we find out, Jin Guangyao is not.)

As much as Jiang Cheng is not good at saying what he means, and especially after everything he's been through his softer bits have grown harder and harder carapace around them, Jin Ling never seems to misunderstand what Jiang Cheng means. They snipe at each other and snark and bitch and roll their eyes and so clearly love each other.

Jiang Cheng's love for Jin Ling shines brightly the second you know how to interpret Jiang Cheng, and Jin Ling absolutely does. Jin Ling's trust in Jiang Cheng is incredible.

Jin Ling is practically Yunmeng Jiang's heir, and practically Jiang Cheng's son.

That sort of thing doesn't just happen, because you're related or whatever. In fact, the story goes out of its way to present blood relations not being close, especially father figures.

Which means from a young age, Jin Ling knew Jiang Cheng's love. Jiang Cheng, struggling young zongzhu of a struggling newly-rebuilt sect, who just lost everything, barely more than a kid himself, figured out he needed to not only stay alive, but needed to live for Jin Ling.

He needed to teach him everything, needed to figure out how to be the best of his own father and mother, and the best of Jin Ling's father and mother, and live up to every lost bit of love Jin Ling should have had, and try, and try, no matter how unworthy or unfit or inferior he felt. No matter how much he fucked up and didn't know. No matter how much grief he was dealing with. No matter how many people hated him and how few friends he had. No matter how much there was to do. No matter how overwhelming the endless tide of days, of forever in front of him felt, horrible and empty of everyone that had come before. Jiang Cheng still chose to live.

He carved out that new life because of love. He didn't die for anyone, and he didn't die for anyone's memory. He lived.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he did, for his sect, his disciples, his family's legacy, his siblings' memories, and Jin Ling.

And, as a bonus knife, the things we see him chide Jin Ling the most for? Are specifically things Wei Wuxian would have done, and even things he would have done in following him. Grandstanding, not asking for help when needed, wandering off alone, making unnecessary sacrifices.

Wei Wuxian's Growth

That brings us to Wei Wuxian coming back. And, well, the boy still has a long way to go. He goes through a lot of kinds of growth post-timeskip. And I think this is one of them.

For one, he's already fucking died once.

Honestly, almost ironically, that death wasn't even fully a sacrifice. Perhaps in some ways it was, in some ways he internalised that it was. But regardless, after all his sacrificing, he finally died. And, much like Jiang Cheng's sacrifice, it didn't stick. He woke back up. Albeit 16 years later.

Now, he wasn't keen on dying, or he maybe would have just gone back. But that doesn't mean he'd suddenly decided to live for anyone rather than die for them.

And, indeed, we still see that side of him come back with him in full force. He starts off by deciding he will just live this new life without Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan altogether.

I think, for Wei Wuxian, this matter of sacrifice ends up being tied into a lot of other pieces of his growth--none of it happens independently of each other.

First, he is shown and told that he is wanted. That's the first thing. He cannot simply go on without inconveniencing/endangering/roping anyone else into his shit because his ties to other people don't work in only one direction. He is wanted.

Lan Zhan wants to be at his side, has not forgotten him, and loves him unwaveringly. That is a huge first step, right there at the beginning, when Lan Zhan grabs his hand, and they make eye contact, and by the time Lan Zhan turns to look away Wei Wuxian is grabbing his hand back desperately and that pretty much says everything it needs to right there.

The idea that Wei Wuxian can act at all without having any negative affect on anyone tied to him is something we see even outside the concept of sacrifice--how many times before his death, even before his defection, do we see him say things like "you can insult me, but don't involve the Yunmeng Jiang sect" like. Like. Wei Wuxian please. That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works.

So I think him realising that other people will willingly be tied to him and there's nothing he can do about it, that his actions affect the people who care about him all the time, is something he still has to learn/relearn even after everything that happened leading up to his death. I think, in particular, Wei Wuxian realising that it's not just his mistakes and fuckups that affect people, but his intentional actions, too. Like sacrifices. Even if they're at his own expense. Because people care and that's okay and good.

Lan Zhan drives that home with things like noticing that Wei Wuxian has transferred Jin Ling's curse to his own leg, and then insisting on carrying him.

Lan Zhan notices. Lan Zhan cares. This act of sacrifice does not end with Wei Wuxian suffering. It has cascading effects, even something this small. It is, perhaps, more effective a lesson on a small scale with fewer complexities woven in, than it would be on the larger scale issues he dealt with before his death.

This idea that his sacrifices affect people beyond him is carried through the rest of the story, too, from the way everyone seems to fret about him after the Burial Mounds and Lan Sizhui runs to hold him, down to the fact that he has to answer for how his sacrifice of his golden core to Jiang Cheng affects Jiang Cheng. Both the absence of his own golden core being a catalyst for a lot of other shit, and finding out about the core transfer actually fucking Jiang Cheng up. Which, it turns out, Wei Wuxian kind of knew would happen, he just thought he could get away with not dealing with it if he kept the secret better.

Wei Wuxian can't escape his sacrifices and his actions having an effect on those around him, the ones who care and the ones he cares about, or even the object of his sacrifice, and he really does have to have that hammered home.

He also deals with growth related to his pride and arrogance. He learns how to be weak, he learns how to have alternate forms of strength, he learns how to let others in, and let others stand with him.

Most of this is related to Lan Zhan, and I've already covered it at least somewhat in another meta, but it relates back to this, because those are two driving forces behind his sacrificial nature.

If Wei Wuxian is allowed to be weak, is allowed to hesitate, is allowed to go to others for help, is allowed to look for alternative solutions, that sets a better precedent for cutting down on the habitual self-sacrifice tendencies.

Additionally, he learns that others can and will stand with him in his sacrifices, when they are necessary.

Look at the way he pushes Lan Zhan away on the steps of Jinlintai, but Lan Zhan steps back toward him, and draws his sword, and declares his love before heaven and earth, saying in as many words that Wei Wuxian need not walk his path alone, and they fight together.

And the next time Wei Wuxian goes to sacrifice? In the Burial Mounds? He doesn't even think twice before volunteering Lan Zhan to stand with him. His entire plan revolves around the idea that Lan Zhan will stand with him--without even consulting Lan Zhan--and in doing so, they may be able to prevent Wei Wuxian from actually sacrificing his life.

Already we see him internalising a lot of that growth. He doesn't need to grandstand or prove himself; he doesn't care what everyone there thinks of him, and for the ones he does care about he is secure in their regard for him. He doesn't first attempt to sacrifice himself and be bait to draw the fierce corpses away while everyone including Lan Zhan runs off. He doesn't have to be convinced to accept Lan Zhan as part of his plan. He doesn't have to have Lan Zhan simply stay behind and then deal with the addition of him later.

Compare, if you will, the Xuanwu cave. Wei Wuxian absolutely expected everyone else to leave while he drew its attention, and Lan Zhan staying was not part of his original plan. Yes, later on they attacked the Xuanwu together, but that was different entirely. At first, he was just being bait to get everyone else to safety.

In the Burial Mounds? He's already worked Lan Zhan having his back into his plans.

It's still a sacrifice, but he's come a really long way about it.

So now that we've mitigated some of the sacrificial tendencies, modulated their effects on his choices, we come down to the "live for you instead of die for you" issue.

My positing that Wei Wuxian has reached this point by the end of the story has a lot more to do with having seen the patterns of his growth, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng regarding the issue of the golden core transfer being revealed, watching the way he interacted with Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan in general evolve, and watching him allow himself to have more and more attachments by the end of the story. And getting the overall vibe that living is now important, and there are things to live for in this world now that he's back in it.

However, if I had to narrow it down to one moment to exemplify this, I would point to the moment where he's caught around the neck by Jin Guangyao.

Wei Wuxian absolutely knows that if Lan Zhan sheathes Bichen, they're all fucked. Lan Zhan could easily take everyone here who would fight him, but not if he sheathes his sword and seals his spiritual power. And at this point it's increasingly likely that if they let themselves be captured they're simply not going to make it out alive. None of them. No matter what Jin Guangyao says.

Lan Zhan's best chance for survival and Jin Guangyao's best chance at being brought to justice/captured are one and the same in this moment--Lan Zhan keeping his sword, and either taking Jin Guangyao down himself or escaping to go fetch the assembled sect leaders and such at Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian knows this. It's why he begs Lan Zhan to be okay with his death and to do this Right Thing anyway.

Lan Zhan is not, and does not.

I don't think Wei Wuxian is surprised by this, to be fair.

But he could have ensured it would happen. He could have ensured that Jin Guangyao would go down. He could have ensured, more importantly, that Lan Zhan lived. He could have prevented Lan Zhan from sheathing Bichen to begin with.

He could have sacrificed himself.

It would have been incredibly easy at that point. All he had to do was fight back instead of hold still. Jin Guangyao was not bluffing, probably, though he just as surely knew if Wei Wuxian died then he was next, he counted on everyone wanting Wei Wuxian alive more than they wanted him dead. So if Wei Wuxian had tried to fight back or escape, he would have died.

Jin Guangyao would have been shocked, very very briefly. The resulting chaos would have seen everyone in custody who needed to be. Perfect.

And, you know, Lan Zhan would have been once more Wei-Ying-less.

Wei Wuxian very notably does not make this sacrifice. Even if it means they get captured. Even if it means they likely die together instead of only one of them dying. Even if that math is terrible on the surface of it.

He doesn't make Lan Zhan watch him die again. He doesn't presume that his loss means nothing. He doesn't presume that his life is not worth it, that his sacrifice is worth it.

Wei Wuxian actively chooses to live. He chooses to live for Lan Zhan. For the chance that they will both find a way out, and if they don't, then they are together in this and that matters more.

And he keeps making that choice. At no point in the confrontation with Jin Guangyao, for all those hours and hours and hours of back and forth and monologuing in that damned temple, does Wei Wuxian try to grandstand or throw himself sacrificially into the mix in any way. He is always working with everyone there to whatever extent possible, to the ends that everyone (including people he cedes the political superiority to) decides upon. He releases ownership of the situation, of needing to fix the situation, of needing to fix the situation by giving himself up.

I've been writing this so long I'm starting to lose the threads of my own thoughts, but yeah.

By the end, I think Wei Wuxian learns a lot and grows a lot and finally hits the point that Jiang Cheng hit years and years prior.

"I never thought I'd be worth the work it would take to piece myself together," but he was confronted with the idea of it again and again until it had to stick, and so he did. For Lan Zhan, for Lan Sizhui, for Jin Ling, for the other juniors.

I do think there will always be some element of self-sacrifice to Wei Wuxian's character that remain unchanged. He is a caretaker and a fixer at the heart of him. He is a big brother and I think maturity has only expanded that trait. He's also notably not a leader, and to some extent he does belong to himself both more and less than he ever could before his death.

But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. And it doesn't negate him embracing the idea of living for the ones he loves, getting better for the ones he loves, and letting them keep him in their lives.

I'd like to think that this piece of character growth is another significant thing in favour of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng being able to forge not just a healthy relationship but a healthier relationship post-canon than they may have ever had before, or at least in a very long time.

[keyofjetwolf]

We’re All Just Guys

Well it took the entire fucking season, but I FINALLY get the purpose for Henry Fondle: Sex Robot. And while the entire episode (and season, honestly) has been tremendous, that this ridiculous fucking punchline was the vehicle to deliver the overarching point with a solid knockout punch of meaning AND pathos? Absolutely floored. That BoJack Horseman can be (and often is) brilliant isn’t a surprise, but the ways is keeps proving it often are.

So “The Stopped Show”, a tale of accountability and responsibility and how we’re all just guys.

Each of our main characters closes out this season alone (sort of), in assorted stages of realizing the main themes, or completely failing to. I find Diane’s arc the hardest for me to make a decision on, which isn’t surprising, as I think in many ways, Diane’s the most complicated character in the show. She delivers, directly and succinctly, one of the major points of not just this season but the entire show, but how does it relate to her? I’M NOT COMPLETELY SURE. I think part of the problem with (and for) Diane is that she knows better. She’s the most insightful character, she has a fantastic head on her shoulders, but only for everyone else. She’s this fucked up little disaster prophet, her vision clear and her message concise, unable to ever apply her gifts to fix herself.

Diane is just as trapped as BoJack, but in a fun twist, is now lagging behind him in trying to do something about it. Nearly every single scene with Diane this season has been in this sad little room of her sad little apartment with all her sad little unpacked boxes, and no matter how much truth and wisdom she spits out, HERE SHE STILL IS, failing to correctly assemble IKEA furniture with names like Bȧcksleid. She already feels like shit for sleeping with Mr. Peanutbutter, so what does she do? THE SAME FUCKING THING. To which I groan and roll my eyes, while simultaneously being proud of her for directly and immediately setting him straight about not getting back together. Diane rides this constant line where she gets it but also doesn’t, which is so interesting to me in the level of additional frustration this makes me feel. BoJack is so self-absorbed you don’t really expect any better of him, which has the flip side of your expectations being so low that even the whiff of progress feels exceptional. Diane doesn’t come with any of that though, she knows better, you KNOW she knows better, and the consequence of this for the audience is that she winds up being more unlikeable than the guy who literally last episode nearly strangled his girlfriend and co-star in the middle of a paranoid drug-induced frenzy.

Which is fucked up! It’s intensely fucked up! And also, I think, the point! We expect more of Diane, and so feel more disappointed when she doesn’t deliver. Is that fair of us?

But there’s more here, as we pivot to the accountability portion of this episode/season. From the beginning of the show, it’s been incredibly upfront about how everything is unfair. We come back to this time and again. Privilege rules the day in the world of Hollywoo. Fame, money, charisma, gender, power. BoJack has been an asshole from pretty much the moment he set foot in the spotlight (possibly before?), and the only thing ever even attempting to hold him back has been the moments his guilt manages to scream loud enough to be heard over his internal narrative. Whatever he does, however he fucks up, he always stumbles back to his feet, and NEVER with any (broad scale) consequences. Meanwhile, here’s Diane, in her sad shitty apartment. Consequences haunt Diane, even if she’s the one doing the haunting. The crap things she’s done and the shitty choices she’s made cling to her.

There’s no fairness in that either, no justice. But Hollywoo (and the entire world around it) (and our world too oh yes) has that privilege carved into its bones, and Diane bears none of its marks. Her situation is very different from but parallel to Gina, who is just so fucked over, it keeps legitimately making me angry for her.

Gina, of course, brought none of this on herself. She made the mistake of caring about BoJack and trying to help him. OOPS YOU WERE A GENEROUS PERSON WITH AN OPEN HEART FUCK YOU LADY. For her trouble, Gina has been assaulted and traumatized, AND she is in very real danger of her career being over when it’s only just finally beginning. And she KNOWS THIS. That’s the part that I keep coming back to. All this should be an aberration, an anomaly, and while that may be true of the specifics, conceptually, it’s so commonplace that Gina already knows how it’s going to play. She’ll stop being Gina and become The Woman Nearly Strangled To Death By BoJack Horseman. Even if she’s able to keep working, this is what she’ll be asked about in every interview forever. Even if she convinced people to genuinely listen to her, BoJack would, at worst, get a slap on the wrist as he stumbles back to his feet. We know that, WE ALL KNOW THAT, because it happens all. the. fucking. time. Gina did nothing wrong, but this would still define her for the rest of her life, while for BoJack, it would maybe become a footnote on his Wikipedia page.

Nothing about that is FAIR. Nothing about it is JUST. Gina’s choices shouldn’t have to be “this becomes my entire life” or “swallow this down and pretend it never happened”. But it is, as it has been in perpetuity for the victims of the privileged.

So then what can we do about it? Well that’s really the question, isn’t it? This episode answers it in an assortment of ways (I think the entire SHOW is very much about this, really, but this episode is for sure coming with guns blazing), while also showing us why none of those answers can work. It’s funny and sad and awful and true, but also, ultimately, the most hopeful answer because it’s the only one you can actually affect: It’s you. It’s me. It’s each and every one of us, individually, making a choice to be better.

And believe it or not, we embody this with Henry Fondle: Sex Robot.

I thought the whole thing was so unbelievably stupid. Half the season, we’ve had this goddamn multi-dildo’d juvenile frat boy joke running around with its stupid ass Speak-and-Say voice, doing the same shtick over and over, and I’m like, “okay this is just the shit I have to put up with to get the clever stuff, I guess.” BUT THAT’S EXACTLY THE POINT I’M SITTING THERE LIVING THE ENTIRE GODDAMN POINT AND MISSING IT. Henry Fondle: Sex Robot is seventeen shades of overt horribleness, AND WE ALL JUST GIVE IT A PASS. It’s just the way it is, the way the world works, the price of doing business. When the whole time -- THE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME -- all it took was one person to say no. One person who could see the game we all are playing and was willing to give up everything to stop it.

Hilariously, Henry Fondle IS a metaphor, sort of, but of the saddest kind. He is literally a robot, he can’t possibly change. What’s more, media fervor will never affect him, fallout will never touch him, and the powerful will always rally around themselves to retain their power. It takes Todd, the head of the company, the creator of Henry Fondle, and the one person who would benefit most from the unending efforts of the rest of the world bending over backwards to avoid the truth, to put a stop to it. In doing so, he immediately returns to his old, homeless, destitute self, but doesn’t once hesitate or look back.

It’s Todd, and only Todd, that stops that madness, because while individual people are a problem, the world at large is too. Stefani makes a great point that Diane holds herself and everyone else to impossible standards and a little forgiveness and grace wouldn’t go amiss, but when Diane suggests they apply that philosophy to their clickbait gossipy shit on their website, it’s just

Which again, is beautifully cynical and depressing, but not untrue. Fostering a more forgiving culture isn’t in stopping websites from posting clickbaity takedown articles, it’s each person deciding not to take the clickbait. We can absolutely have a conversation about the people creating their world or the world creating its people, but when you boil it down, only one of those things can you yourself absolutely and directly change, and it’s not the entire world.

A THING DIANE GETS BUT SIMULTANEOUSLY ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT.

I can’t take myself away from this Diane thing, I know, but only because she’s the fucking CORE of each and every one of us struggling with this idea. She’s the simplicity of it and the complication all in one. Not BoJack, which is NOT where I thought we’d be when we started this journey. BoJack is more an action on the people around him at this point in the story, he IS the world you cannot change. He’s pointed to rehab, and off he goes -- or doesn’t! I don’t think it’s coincidence that we stay with Diane and watch her watching him.

Oh, Diane, indeed. As she tells her story of her friend Abby, who threw her over for the cool kids, who turned every confidence into a scar. Who Diane still helped anyway, because Abby needed her. Did Abby learn from that, did she get better? We don’t know; we stay with Diane and watch her watching Abby. Diane, who can so completely understand about personal responsibility while failing to recognize her own enabling for the shitty things that keep happening to her.

You can control yourself. That’s it. That’s the only playground with a guarantee.

Will BoJack go off to learn that? Will Diane stay and figure it out?

THAT’S WHAT NEXT SEASON IS FOR

Something I was toying with including in this, but ultimately decided against for a variety of reasons, was the contrast between BoJack’s take on personal responsibility independent of external response, and The Good Place’s argument that people need external support for personal growth. An idea I may not have even considered contrasting save that Doc’s talked before about these two Jewish creators with what are clearly very different philosophies, and basically, if she were ever able to manage a discussion between them on this, I’d love to be in the room. I’ll be very quiet and not get in the way, I promise.

[jacks-wylan]

The townsfolk indeed call for another Witcher. For all Jaskier knows, the baker's wife put a contract in a notice board in the nearest town – Corvo Bianco is small, and it's a bit farther away from any main roads – and, surprisingly, someone has arrived.

It's the innkeeper, that Jaskier meets at the well as he goes to collect water, that says that to him. “It's a Witcher I've never met before,” he says, gruffly, while he weights up two buckets full of water, “He came here this morning, flashed a strange grin when he asked us to take his things, payed a room and went to hell, probably.”

Jaskier is almost afraid to ask, “What is he like?”

The Witcher is obviously not Geralt, because the innkeeper would have known him in that case. Jaskier is scared to hope anyway – he wants him to be Eskel, or Lambert. He needs a familiar face, someone he can talk about and understand his words. A shoulder he can cry on. A friend he can ask to keep an eye on Geralt, because he can't anymore.

“He's, uh, strange. Has scars, pale skin, two swords.”

“Like any Witcher.” Jaskier almost laughs. He can be anyone, really. He doesn't dare to hope.

“Dunno if he'll come back, but he has a room in my inn. You might meet him.”

Jaskier takes a deep breath, “I might.”

He does, that same evening. Jaskier doesn't even know why, after all, if the Witcher is Eskel or Lambert, they know where he lives – and if they already know about Geralt and his break up and they don't want to see him anymore, Jaskier surely doesn't want to impose his presence to someone who doesn't want it. He can be annoying, and most of the time he ignores when a person is annoyed by him, but he can take very well that kind of hint.

But curiosity's got the best of him, and won against the disappointment that is already stinging in his chest, while he walks, slowly, the small roads of Corvo Bianco. The past years, he has taken the same roads so many times that he's lost count, to reach the tavern down the village so he could perform for a, yes, a small crowd, but a very welcoming crowd. A crowd that Jaskier always adored, especially when they warmed up towards an amazed Geralt – still not used to the generosity, kindness and gentleness of this people.

He enters inside the inn and he's greeted by the innkeeper's wife. After a bit of small talks, she immediately points him a table in the center of the common room, where a man dressed of a light, leather armor is eating voraciously, not looking up as the innkeeper's wife tells him, “He's the Witcher!”, even though Jaskier is pretty sure that he's heard them very clearly.

Jaskier doesn't know what he was expecting. Not Geralt, but when his eyes lay on the Witcher's hair, he feels nonetheless a pang of disappointment when he notices that the colour is wrong, it's a too dark shade, not even close at the white strands Jaskier is so fond of. It's not even the brownish, gentle colour of Eskel's, and that is definitely not the chaotic head of Lambert. And he's never met Vesemir, but by the stories he heard, the Witcher is definitely not Geralt's mentor.

He blinks frenetically, but his eyes remain dry. He has half a mind to just turn around and forget about the unknown Witcher – right now, it's not strong enough to deal with the mess of another Witcher – but, the other half... the other half is curious. He wants to know who he is. He's been so lonely lately...

“I'll pay for what he eats.” he says then, to the woman in front of him, “Bring him another bowl of broth.”

“Want some, dear?”

Jaskier shakes his head, “I've already eaten, thank you.” he tells her, as he walks towards the Witcher that now is looking straight at him with a confused stare. He fidgets with a hem of his doublet, feeling a bit intimidated under the Witcher's unnerving eyes.

When Jaskier sits finally in front of him, he notices his medallion. The animal it represents is definitely not a wolf. “You're welcome.” he says, because he doesn't really know how to break the ice.

It works, somehow. The Witcher laughs, with a half seductive smile. “You must be the bard that lives here. There's this little girl that this morning talked my ear off about you, while showing me the way to the inn. She said you're funny and have a funny voice.”

Jaskier laughs. She must be the baker's daughter, the split image of her mother. “That must be me, yes.” The innkeeper's wife comes to them with two steaming bowls of broth, and ignores Jaskier splutters when one of the bowls is settled in front of him. She just looks at him, deadpanned, and makes a tactless remark about the weight he has lost lately, before turning back at her chores. “You're here for that child's parent's contract about a wolf.”

“That girl thinks it's a werewolf. And she's godsdamn right about that, at least.” the Witcher eyes at him through long, thick lashes. His eyes are of a strong yellow, they almost glow in the timid light of the torches. There is smudged kohl decorating his lids, it makes them bigger and more feline. They are like a black cat's. “She's wrong about you, you don't seem funny at all. You have no instruments with you, and I am not hearing a single song danced in miles. You're boring,” he grimaces, then, “And depressed. You're depressing me.”

Jaskier doesn't touch the broth, that's going cold under his nose. And really, as much as he's trying to be better, he can't deny those words. “Sorry for that. I... forgot my lute back at home.” he lies easily. His lute has remained untouched since Rinde, and now it's collecting dust inside his case under the bed. “My name is Jaskier, by the way. I was hoping–” what? What was he hoping to obtain? There is a Witcher in front of him and it's not from the Wolf's school. It's all a waste of time. “Nevermind. You're a Cat Witcher, and, I'll be honest, I haven't heard anything good about Cats. People say that you're cunning, and cruel. I, obviously, don't think it's true, because people say those things to all kind of Witcher, really,” he doesn't say that most of those things was Geralt that told him, “But I thank you for your services. If there's really a werewolf around here, it's... bad. It's a very bad... situation. Rarely we've had this kind of problem, here.”

“You know quite a lot 'bout Witchers, uh.” the Witcher pushes his empty bowl to the side, without lowering his gaze from Jaskier's face, “Name's Aiden. I'm a Cat Witcher, and I am usually cruel, if needed.”

Jaskier tries a smile, “Hopefully, we won't need it. I just wanted to tell you that here, you'll be... treated well. Not as a mutant, that is. They are used to Witchers, so no one will charge you more than needed for food and such, and they will pay you what is owed.”

The Witcher – Aiden – passes a hand against his lips, wiping the grease away with a swift move, “Good. I like when I'm payed fair and well. Now, this has been awkward enough so, if the master bard will permit it, I will head to bed. I spent all the day in the woods and found nothing, so if y'all are so cordial as you're saying, now I deserve a very good rest.” he says, standing up and stretching his long limbs. He's more lean and slender than the Witchers Jaskier knows, with less muscles and more agility, he guesses. I bet his cock is still smaller than Geralt's, Jaskier thinks, then, immediately after, he feels the urge to bang his head against the table.

Jaskier doesn't answer him, too occupied in try not to maim himself. But then, Aiden stop in his track and turns around enough to look at him again, contemplating something that Jaskier cannot read in his expression, “Now that I think 'bout it, I have another contract. Considering that I have to wait the next full moon to do anything with the werewolf, better get done with that too.”

Jaskier shrugs. It's not really his concern, after all. For a second, he has the impulse of telling him that, if only he needs it, he has some witchery potions back at his house. Just in case he hasn't enough supplies with him for both the contracts. After all, Geralt won't use them ever again. But, but something stops him to propose that: fuck, they're Geralt's, regardless of everything.

He won't give Geralt's things to anyone for any reason at all.

“The little girl hired me,” Aiden continues, with a grin. “She said that your house is haunted, because every night all the village hears wails coming from.”

Jaskier blinks, “That's... that's untrue.”

“She said that everyone is just ignoring that. Oh, it must be a very scared– correction, scaring creature living into your house.”

“There is no creature in my house! And no one wails in the night!” Jaskier snaps, incredulous. Whatever the fuck? “Well, I would know if there is something like that in my own house, I live there! There is nothing apart from me!”

Aiden raises an eyebrow.

Suddenly, hot shame creeps up Jaskier's chest, coloring his cheeks in an ugly red. “It's not me, Witcher.”

It's impossible. He doesn't cry since the day the townsfolk sent the pie to him. And during the night he, Gods, he just sleeps. He doesn't have nightmares, he has no reason to wail.

“Oh, I don't know. But worry not, bard, I am the monster hunter here, so I'll soon find out what lurks in your shadows, for very little compensation. See ya later, then!”

“Later?” Jaskier repeats, stunned. All he receives for an answer is the Witcher retreated back, and nothing else. He's totally been ignored, damn it. “Fucking hell.” he softly murmurs, even if all he wants to do is screaming for the terrible fate that has fallen upon his head.

He doesn't want another Witcher in his life. One – three, he lost them all – is enough, and he has already stomped on his poor, fragile heart, surely there's no need for another one to push his finger into the still fresh wound. Aiden will notices the evident presence – late presence – of a Witcher, from Geralt's old armors and weapons hanging on the wall, to the countless potions in the storage, and there will be questions, so many question that Jaskier still doesn't want to answer. And if he, indeed, is the one wailing during the night, he'll want to know the reason, and– and he doesn't want to explain himself. He feels so tired.

Dazed, he leaves a couple of coins on the table, next to the untouched, cold bowl of broth and gets out into the fresh evening air. He blinks while walking, not really acknowledging where he's going but pretty sure that his own feet are taking him home.

He thought he was feeling better. He thought that after a couple of months, he's made peace with what happened in Rinde, considering that it was no one's fault, considering that now Geralt is safer that he'll ever be with him, considering that all he wants is Geralt's happiness even if it's not with him. Sure, Jaskier's always been selfish, and he's always wanted everything despite it all, but– but he thought that with Geralt was different, that he was – is – more important than his foolish humanly desires.

And yet, Gods. And yet, here he is, sad and depressed, still waiting for Geralt to come home.

----------------------------------------------------

read the rest on ao3!

[sarcastic-space-gal]

Dark Past (Part 1)

Summary: Black shirts are supposed to be the most trained and deadly members of the Starfleet. However, they are considered just stories or legends, because no one has ever saw one before. But after John Harrison attacks the London’s Archive, the Enterprise may acquire a new crew member.

Part 2 

Pairing: ?

Word Count: 2k

Warning: Fighting (?)

A/N: Hi everyone! It was a long time since I wrote for Star Trek and I thought this was the time for another story. The pairing is voluntarily mysterious, if you want to guess who will be, send me a message or comment!  Hope you will like it, feedback is always appreciated. Love you all xoxo

The only one or the last one? Everyone who ever looked at you wondered about that every time, whether it was out loud or in their mind, and even he didn’t want to admit it, Kirk did ask to himself the same thing. I mean, seeing a black shirt was rather rare in the Starfleet, many of the crew members around the ships always thought about them as legends or as made up stories used to intimidate the enemies. As the Captain thought, they were probably rumors, just some odd, silly stories told by students in the Academia. Turned out, it was totally untrue.

When Admiral Pike convened all the Captains in order to decide what to do about John Harrison, Kirk couldn’t help but find in Pike’s expression a slight hint of concern: John Harrison was probably more than just a terrorist, what was his real purpose?

Admiral Marcus entered the meeting room “Be seated”

“By now some of you know what happened in London. The target was a Starfleet data archive. Now it’s a damned hole in the ground, 42 men and women are dead”

Silence filled the room.

“One hour ago, I received a message from a Starfleet officer, who confessed to carrying out this attack, that he was being forced to do it by this man, Commander John Harrison. He’s one of our own. And he is the man responsible for this act of savagery.”

“A single man against all Starfleet?”

“That’s what it seems” Marcus responded simply.

“I think we must introduce the black shirt”

After Admiral Pike had spoken everyone in the room started murmuring to each others both in surprise and amusement.

Marcus looked down at the table, hesitant “Are you sure about this?” he asked at Pike.

“Sir, what are you talking about? I thought that black shirts were just a story” a rather young captain said suddenly.

Marcus sighed and looked even more serious “Those stories are true” he said.

Kirk shared a confused look with Spock, who was on the opposite side of the table.

“But we have no time for a campfire story now. Kirk” he glared at him, making the captain’s eyes dart to him “the black shirt will go with you and your crew on the Enterprise, you will track him down and kill him.”

The Enterprise was his again. But something in all the situation just didn’t sound right. An archive? Why bombing an archive? What was his real purpose?

Soon after, Marcus invited him to talk about the matter, seeing him and Pike murmuring frantically.

What happened next was completely unexpected. As soon as Jim explained his concerns about the matter, the room shined in a deep red light as John Harrison appeared in a jumpship and attacked Starfleet Headquarters. It was a bloodshed. Many members of the Senior Council died along with Admiral Pike.

Kirk almost couldn’t believe it when he saw Pike’s limp body on the couch.

After that night Kirk was wracked, emotionally and physically. He knew he had to regain his composure, for him, for his crew, and for Pike: he had to complete the mission.

Admiral Alexander Marcus reinstated Kirk and Spock to Enterprise with orders to kill Harrison using a new long range stealth photon torpedo.

“Jim, I know you are here c’mon!” Kirk heard a far-to-well known voice coming from outside his cabin.

“Bones I told you already, I’m fine!” he said opening the door and quickly heading to the shuttle. The doctor was right after him with medical equipment steady in his hand ready to check on Jim.

“The hell you are” he said but the Captain could see his concern behind the snarky response.

With a heavy sigh he gave his friend a small smile “I’m fine”

Bones didn’t insist this time.

“Everything is ready Spock?”

“Yes Captain, we are ready to reach the Enterprise”

Suddenly a sound of quick footsteps echoed in the hangar as everyone’s attention was brought to Scotty. “Jim a black shirt? Aboard? I heard the others talking about it but I wanted to hear it from you sir” Spock and Kirk shared a look.

“It’s true” Jim said with a small smile. He wasn’t sure what to say, because the pieces of information he had were quite limited, even if he was the captain.

“Well, that’s a surprise” responded Bones folding his arms. The doctor was really curious and even if he would never admit it, he was rather excited. He wasn’t the only one: by the time they were talking, a small group of crew members formed around the Captain, probably out of curiosity. Word travels fast.

“We will all talk about the mission and the new uhm, member of the crew on the Enterprise, for now let’s just get there and gather everything we need”

With a shared sigh of delusion all the crew members who gathered around the captain quickly went to take their seats on the shuttle.

The Enterprise was ready to fly, all the check ups were done. Bones was gathering medical supplies in his studio when the sound of Jim’s voice echoed through the ship’s speakers. A meeting. And everyone knew what was the matter.

“C’mon let’s go and see this mythical creature” he said.

The CMO reached the bridge after few minutes and walked up to Jim and Spock who were talking to Sulu. Jim looked a lot better than few hours ago, as Spock kept his usual quite demeanor, with his hands behind his straight back, but Sulu was hiding a small smile, probably out of excitement.

“So? Where is the legendary black shirt?” the doctor said sarcastically.

“Trust me Bones, I was surprised too”

Sulu nodded “I think we all are, sir”

Suddenly the elevator’s doors opened to reveal a figure who steadily entered the bridge. The room went silent, all the chattering muted almost instantly as if their breaths were caught in their throats.

Adjusting the fabric of your uniform, you entered in the elevator and pushed the button. Your hands went behind your back as you used to do when meeting the Captain or the person in charge. Your eyes closed as you moved your shoulder softly inward and outward a few times, trying to relieve some of the nervousness. The elevator took just few seconds to reach the bridge but they were enough for your mind to drift away. So much time had passed since you joined a normal ship, with normal crew members, but it was quite refreshing you had to admit it. You opened your eyes again and saw your reflection on the glass doors of the elevator. The black fabric of your suit still fitted perfectly, even if you probably didn’t want it to be. This mission was very important and you had to handle it in the best way you could, as a black shirt should do.

With a soft sound the elevator reached its destination and you entered the bridge, feeling all the crew’s eyes on you. Even if you were aware of the fact that black shirts were considered nothing more than stories and jokes, that was probably why everyone’s mouth went shout the moment you entered.

Walking steadily with you arms still behind your back and a severe but calm expression, you approached the captain, who was now watching you attentively as you could attack someone at any moment. The men close to them looked the same way, only the Vulcanian First Officer remained calm, even if you noticed the slight movement of his weird-shaped eyebrow going up in slight surprise.

“Captain Kirk” you said, standing right in front of him “I’m the black shirt assigned to your mission, I’m really glad to be part of the Enterprise’s crew. My name is Y/n”

He looked at you hesitantly “We are happy to have you here, welcome to the crew Y/n” he then said with a small smile.

“Let me introduce you our First Officer, Spock”

“Welcome aboard Lieutenant” he respectfully said with a smile.

“Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu, the Chief Medical Officer, Doctor McCoy with his ‘legendary hands’”

The doctor turned his face towards Kirk and muttered “Unbelievable” 

“and Lieutenant Uhura”

You listened carefully and shook their hands, but all the time you felt two pair of eyes  on you, which you didn’t mind it at all. But now you had a mission, you had to keep yourself focused.

“So you exist” a male voice with a thick Russian accent caught your ears. The yellow shirt was a very young man who was looking at you in awe.

“Well,” you started, but Kirk quickly replied.

“I must say, as Mr Chekov has already introduced, that is very surprising, for all of us, to see a black shirt around”

“I understand that, we’re not so popular around”

Everyone had to admit it, your presence was quite intimidating, maybe for the deep color of your suit, but instead your voice was so calm and gentle, and at the same time steady and strong. They all probably expected a massive muscular mountain-looking man with a neutral face probably drooling in rage. Instead here you were, with the calmest voice in the universe and a killer look that rose in your face every time your smile faded. If possible, everyone was even more intrigued and they were all waiting to see you in action.

“Definitely not enough” Mr Chekov said with a small smile on his face.

“Mr Chekov, I think you should get back to the warp core”

“U- yes sir” he said before sprinting out.

You couldn’t hold back a small laugh.

“Well, Y/n, let me explain the mission”

Apparently John Harrison was now on Kronos. Perfect. Klingons. you thought. It didn’t matter what creature you would face, your had to complete this mission. You began gathering all thing you needed, eyes darting around your supplies with determination. When you were finally ready you headed towards the bridge.

Walking around the corridors was amusing: everyone looked at you like they saw a dragon let loose, but you were far too used to it. A long time ago this was normality...

Ten minutes had passed since the ship entered the planet’s atmosphere and even if the area was supposed to be uninhabited, a Klingon ship suddenly appeared in the sky. The captain had tried few quick maneuvers to avoid them but ultimately you found yourselves surrounded and forced to land.

Lieutenant Uhura offered herself to go out and try to talk to them, leaving you, Kirk, Spock and two others crew members aboard ready to take action.

“We should help her”

Spock looked at the captain “I would not recommend that”

Kirk sighed and then turned his head towards you “When was the last time you went on a mission Lieutenant?”

“Surprisingly not so much time ago Captain” you said as your eyes kept staring forward.

Some Klingon soldiers approached Uhura as she started talking to them in their language. Kirk’s hand tightened around the blaster.

Few seconds went by when suddenly the soldier talking to the lieutenant grabbed her neck ferociously, lifting her up.

“NOW” you shouted while exiting the ship as you started shooting at the Klingons. Uhura took advantage of the moment and stabbed the Klingon, who released the grip on her neck with a horrible scream.

Kirk and Spock, along with the others red shirts, followed you out the ship and started shooting too. The captain’s eyes searched for you in the battlefield but you were nowhere to be seen. Furrowing his eyebrows, he had no time to think about that and kept fighting.

All of a sudden, from an unknown position, someone started shooting at the Klingons.

“Where is Y/n? And who is it?” Kirk shouted while leaning on his back as Spock and Uhura approached him. That’s when he saw you, when they all saw you. With extreme agility you were fighting against the soldiers, swinging your legs and shooting, you never missed a shot. You were so skilled that all your movement almost seemed staged, as your eyes darted in every direction, fully focused. When all the Klingons around you were finally down, you looked up and saw a figure, your features darkened in rage. Kirk and the others looked up too and saw the mysterious figure pull off his mask to reveal John Harrison himself.

“John Harrison! You are-” Kirk started, but he couldn’t finish what he was saying because it all happened so fast.

Harrison jumped down from his high position without even flinching and started aiming his weapons, but, much to Kirk’s surprise, he was aiming them at you.

“You” he said in a deep and steady voice. He then dropped the blasters as you did.

Only few meters separated you both, as everything around you went silent for an instant: you stood steadily in front of him with an intense and undefined look on your face.

Kirk, Spock and Uhura shared a quick glance as they all thought the same thing. He knows her? What is happening?

“Khan”

As soon as you responded, you ran to him and started fighting with all your strength, punching, kicking as he did the same. Khan grabbed you neck but with a rapid movement you moved his hand away, pushing his elbow down and then swinging back your leg making him fall to the ground. You had no time to punch him because he had already stood up and punched you in the face. As nothing even had touched you responded striking a hard blow to his chest.

“So you work with them now?”

“Always had, always will” you responded seriously. He then took a gun from his belt and fired at you, hitting you on your shoulder.

“NO!” your crew members shouted, but they were all soon surprised.

You turned again towards Khan, your suit now had a big hole where the shot pierced but you weren’t bleeding, your skin was red but instead the wound was rapidly healing, leaving no trace of the hit.

Kirk watched in utter confusion as Spock and Uhura kept their weapons aimed to Harrison or… Khan.

He saw your skin healing and scoffed a little.

“Like I thought” his low voice pierced you ears. Analyzing the situation he asked one last question “How many torpedoes do you have on the ship?”

“72” Spock said.

You looked at him, your face contorted in rage.

He then looked back at Kirk “I surrender”

[winterscaptain]

directors commentary on absence plzzz

what an excellent choice!! 

commentary in bold italics

So the BH arc was chopped to shit while I was working on it, because I couldn’t decide what Mom got REALLY mad about. Because Derek really had the corner on being mad at Aaron over Emily and I wanted to push it into the personal a little more. 

Plus, I sometimes think the “let’s get mad at Aaron and JJ for Emily” is a touch overplayed and definitely would have been that way in this story. 

You let yourself into his apartment, slamming the door behind you. He’s been waiting for you, leaning against the windowsill across from the door. 

“How dare you.”

He sighs and presses a hand to his forehead. “You have to understand that I -”

“Bullshit, Aaron. I don’t have to understand a goddamn thing. What are you thinking? We need you.” 

His head tips up, and he looks through you. The haunted look in his eyes almost makes you falter - it so acutely reminds you of the days following Haley’s death - but you keep your resolve. You know what that is? Growth! Mom is REFUSING to cave to his inner demons bullshit. He doesn’t say anything, just lets you yell at him until it’s out of your system. You could never actually hate him and he knows that, which makes some of it easier, but not all of it. 

This was also the fight that was originally written for Mean It, but I spliced different beats in based on what the story called for. This one fit much better here, and increases the stakes because he’s about to leave. 

The tears start and pick up speed as you continue, nearly at a shout. “You’ve known for seven months that you were going to leave for Pakistan. I read the brief. Seven. Fucking. Months, Aaron. You didn’t tell us when the task force assignment came through. Emily died, and you’re still leaving?” He flinches. And they’re so worked up they don’t even notice the magnitude or depth of the flinch like they usually would. “You’re leaving me and Jack. You’re leaving our team. I never thought you could do something like that to us. Maybe them, but not me. Never to me. I mean, after everything we’ve -” You cut yourself off and raise the back of your hand to your mouth, unable to finish the unbearably painful thought.

I had a ridiculous amount of fun writing this fight. I LOVE writing fights. 

And “wet anger” as @ssaic-jareau​ put it, is so much more interesting and damning than dry anger for situations like this, especially in opposition to Aaron.  

He’s not sure which part is the most painful - the fact that you list yourself with Jack instead of with the team, the fact that you say ‘our team,’ or the tone that drips with hurt. The sob that rips through your chest breaks his heart. Remember in enough when he was thinking about the horror of causing them pain? Yeah me too. He leans heavily against the arm of his couch, knocked down by the weight of your tears. 

No - the hardest part is knowing he deserves it, that you aren’t saying anything that isn’t unfair or untrue. 

Mom’s anger and hurt feeds right into his insecurities. This is quite literally his worst fear come to life, and as confident as he is in the strength of their relationship, he is terrified that he wont come back from this one. 

“I can’t even look at you right now.” 

He can only watch you as you walk back out, leaving the door open behind you. 

There’s something so satisfying about leaving the door open after a fight. Like the drama of a slammed door is one thing, but I’ve always preferred creating a situation in which the other person has to get up and close the door behind you. 

From experience, it’s incredibly satisfying. 

About twenty minutes later, he receives a text.

9:34pm I’ll be there tomorrow at 12:30 to take you to base. Be ready when I get there. 

He crawls into bed about a half an hour later, and receives another text.

10:05pm Goodnight. 

The period at the end of that text is like the death knell for Aaron. 

Fuck. 

OOOOOOOH Aaron you done fucked up, kiddo. Good thing you’re self aware and have literal MONTHS without Mom to figure it out :)

(God he’s an idiot)

+++

The ride to base ride is mostly silent, and you know something’s wrong. It’s nothing you can articulate or even really put your finger on, but it’s something bigger than just his imminent absence.

As much as they know about each other, their emotional tuning forks can’t get past what they won’t share with the other. In this instance, Mom has not the first clue about what he’s hiding from her. How could she know?

He’s boarding a C-130 supply transport to Pakistan, and it will no doubt be a long and deeply uncomfortable flight. His go bag, packed with desert fatigues and a couple of creature comforts, looks smaller than usual at his feet. 

“How long?”

He sighs and shakes his head. “Taskforce operations are need-to-know.” There’s so much he can’t tell you, and it eats at him. Because it’s you, and he’s been an ass, he concedes a little. And also he can only keep so many secrets from them. “Probably a couple of months.”

“We’ll be okay, Aaron.” A little laugh leaves him, and it pulls a smile from you. “What?”

“Remember when you chased me down last night to tell me the team couldn’t do this without me?” 

This is a dialogue motif for sure - it shows up all over the place in this series. 

Remember all those other times you chased him down to yell at him about something? Yeah, those too. 

You roll your eyes. “It’s still true, but we’ll manage. We always do.” There’s a moment of silence, and you continue. “And you’re going where you’re needed - that helps.” 

It’s true. Your anger had cooled (just a little) overnight, and you decided you didn’t want him to leave while you were still upset with each other. 

You already miss him. 

Yes, that’s a motif and the reference in fear itself, with Haley. 

“Don’t think I’m not still mad at you.”

He looks out the window, and you can hear the wheels turning in his head. Jack is on his mind, and so are you. There’s nothing more nauseating than the thought of leaving you while you’re still hurting from Emily’s loss. “I know.” 

Why are you going through with this, Hotchner?

Oh, right. You’re a coward. 

“I just don’t want our last conversation before you leave to be a fight.” You sniff, but don’t look at him as you continue driving down the highway. 

I think this is their version of not “going to bed angry” as the saying goes. There was this fear I tried to convey that if they fought before he left and something happened to him, your last words to each other would be angry ones.

I am perhaps the most undeserving man on the planet. 

You’re also an idiot, Aaron. 

He says, “Thank you. I don’t want that either,” but he hopes you can hear what else he can’t say. 

He has the same fear - of something happening to them (because he’s never worried about himself) while he’s gone, coming home to another funeral. 

I love you. I’m sorry. 

+++

“Alright, you’ve got everything you need?” You stand next to him on the tarmac, shading your eyes from the sun. 

Aaron hikes his bag higher on his shoulder. “Think so. You gonna be alright?”

This was the first scene I saw. I so clearly envisioned the blinding sunlight in the middle of the afternoon during a Virginia spring with the two of them standing out there in a kind of isolated no-mans-land out on the tarmac. 

You nod and reach for him. He embraces you, tucking his head into your shoulder. “You be safe, Aaron Hotchner. If you die out there I’ll kill you myself.” 

He chuckles, and you hope the sound is enough to keep your heart from breaking too much over the next couple of months. Your eyes close as he presses a kiss to your cheek. This image made my heart hurt. “I’ll check in when I can.”

Shoving against his chest, you turn him around and push him toward the plane. “Get outta here.” And that, kids, is what we call emotional redirection and a repressive coping strategy!

He takes one last look over his shoulder when he reaches the ramp and offers you a wave. You return it. 

+++

You manage to get to the highway before the tears start. The only person you want to talk to is Emily. She’d know exactly what to say, and she’d make sure your days off were full of fun and good company. You pull off on the side of the road, your head falling into your hands, sobs wracking through you.

When you’re able to keep driving, your chest hurts beyond belief. 

Without her, these months seem to stretch before you forever. 

+++

“Ready or not, here I come!” You call across the apartment, sneaking through the familiar rooms with practiced ease. 

This was another one of those very clear scenes that just popped into my head. 

Aaron’s been away for close to a month, and you’ve settled into a routine. Cases, of course, keep you busy. Derek’s rather good at playing Unit Chief - decisive and collaborative - but you miss Aaron’s steady, even hand. 

Really, you miss everything about him. You try not to think about him too much. 

You fail, often. 

Avoiding thoughts of Aaron gets even harder as you creep into the master bedroom. The smell of him hasn’t left. Smell is such a strong link to memory and I just had to include that as something in this chapter of their lives. Like it’s so weird going into someone’s room, no matter how many times you’ve been there, and there’s no evidence that they’ve been there since the last time you saw them. Past the doorway, the air is spicy, masculine, and warm. You squint at the bed. One of the pillows moves, just a little, and you pounce, pulling the covers back and grabbing the wiggling pillow. 

Jack screeches and throws himself at you. You catch him and fall back on the bed, laughing. “I found you!”

Jess is off running errands for the afternoon, taking some well-earned time off. You’ll more than likely spend the night over here tonight to give her more of her weekend. It’s never any trouble to stay with Jack. You adore each other. 

I am so soft for Mom and Jack y’all.

Usually, Jack leaps right to his feet for another round, but he stays put after his fit of mirth passes, sprawling across your chest. 

“What are you thinking about over there?”

He sighs, and brings his little hands under his chin, propping his head up so he can look at you. He’s six, now - still very much a boy - but the pensive look on his face starkly reminds you of his father. Oh, don’t worry. He’ll keep doing that well into adulthood but the resemblance will only get scarier. “When’s dad going to be home?”

You push some hair off his forehead. “I’m not sure, my love. I’m hoping it’s only a couple more weeks, but it could be a little longer than that.” 

He sighs, and it breaks your heart a little. You turn on your side, and he curls into you, resting his head on your arm and tucking under your chin. Don’t worry. He’ll keep doing that, too. “Are you and my dad best friends?”

You laugh a little. “Yeah, I think so. Your dad and I have known each other for a long time.” His little hands play with the collar of your shirt. There’s more to his question. Jack’s just like his dad and takes a bit of ferreting out. Luckily, you’ve had plenty of practice. “What are you curious about, little bug?”

“Do you miss Dad?”

I always want to show that Jack feels safe with them, and can ask them harder questions without fear of judgment. 

A track of Aaron’s laugh, his smile, the way his arms feel around you flies through your head. “Yeah, I miss him a lot.” 

“I’m happy you’re here so we can miss him together.” You can almost hear Aaron’s voice in Jack’s. It sounds just like something he would say, and probably has said, talking to his son about Haley.

I love the things that kids kind of implicitly understand.

“Me too, buddy.” You kiss the top of his head. “Me too.” 

Jess returns about an hour later, groceries in-hand, to find you and Jack curled together in Aaron’s bed, snoozing the afternoon away. She snaps a picture with her phone, saving it in an album she keeps for Aaron. After she puts the groceries away, she escapes, leaving a note. 

I LOVE THESE little tableaus. And y'all know how much I like pictures. 

Did you notice that this picture comes up in mistletoe??

You’re on your own tonight and tomorrow. Have a good time with breakfast - he’s been picky lately. 

XO, Jess

+++

Back to back cases - five of them, to be exact, pull you through the next two months by the ear. Formal leadership wears on Derek more and more by the day, and you find yourself making just as many decisions as he does. That’s a fun parallel to season five!! You’re immensely proud of him, but the whole thing is exhausting. Most days feel held together by duct tape, with you and Rossi acting as the adhesive. 

Thus, your evening with Jess is both well-earned and much needed. 

“Wanna crash here tonight?” She sets a mug of tea down on the coffee table in front of you and sits heavily back on the couch. “It’s pretty late.”

You check your watch and find it is indeed late. Before you can answer, your phone rings, and you answer it with an apologetic glance toward Jess. “Hey, Morgan. What’s up?”

“We have sat call notification from Hotch. Can you come in?” He sounds exhausted. 

In real life, you don’t just get to carry sat phones around willy nilly. Satellite time is EXPENSIVE and the US Govt is FRUGAL in the extreme (when it comes to minor DoJ teams and stuff - don’t get me started on being a global police force because that’s a RABBIT HOLE)

“Yeah, I can be there in twenty. Is everything okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah, looks like a routine check-in.” 

Jess sighs, knowing the drill. She goes to the kitchen and pours your tea into a travel mug. 

Have I mentioned yet today that I LOVE Jess Brooks??

“Are you calling anyone else in?”

“Nope. Just you. See you when you get here.” He hangs up. 

You stare at your phone as Jess sits next to you again. “We have a call from Aaron coming in, and I have to head to the office.” She hands you your travel mug, and you take it gratefully. 

“You’re welcome back here - I can set up Aaron’s room for you. We’re a lot closer to the office than your place, and I don’t want you to drive if you’re too tired.” She sets a hand on your knee, and you reach over to embrace her. 

“Thanks, Jess.”

+++

When you arrive, Derek’s already on the phone. “… So, no leads?… Right.” He looks up and catches your eye. “Here, Hotch.”

You take the phone. “Hey.”

“Hi.” He sounds relieved. “Are you doing okay? How’s Jack?”

I love this moment, and I could so clearly picture some of the tension leaving his shoulders on the other end of the phone. 

His questions make you smile. “We’re good. He’s good. I just left the apartment - Jess and I were having some grown-up movie time.”

You’re warmed by his laugh. “Good. Glad to hear it. I was just telling Derek that the leads out here have gone cold, but we’re still working.”

“Ah. Any chance you’ll be home soon?” You avoid Derek’s searching gaze. 

Derek always knows something, doesn’t he?

“It doesn’t look that way, no. We’re picking up on some chatter out there, but nothing firm. We’ll have to keep out for a couple more weeks at least.”

Your heart drops, but you hide it as best you can. “Alright. Anything you need from us back here?”

“Just keep doing good work.” You know he can’t say much more than that, with more than a couple of NSA guys in between you on the line, not to mention the archival recording of the call. Both of those things actually happen, too. You can’t just say shit about shit over a sat phone. Even then, you know he means looking for Doyle. “That’s all I need from you.” 

“We can do that.” You give him a quick rundown of some recent cases, all surface-level. You’re mostly stalling, using up incredibly expensive satellite time just to hear his voice. 

You hear him sigh. “Alright, I gotta get back. Tell Jack and Jess I love them.” 

There’s also something unspoken here!! But we all knew that. 

“Of course.” You hand the phone back to Derek and wait while they finish up. Your eyes wander over the volumes of law books in Aaron’s bookshelf, the pictures of Jack and Haley and Jess behind his desk. Wandering over to his chair, you sit down and rest your head on your arms. 

Your eyes wander to a photo taken a year and a half ago at Haley’s service. You’re not sure who took it, but you’re crouched on the ground talking to Jack, while Aaron stands behind him with a hand on his head. Jack’s little hands are in yours, and he’s smiling a little. 

I am just a sucker for pictures. I know I’ve said this before, but they are such a wonderful vehicle for implicit characterization. I think, in some ways, he keeps this picture because in a kind of abstract, mournful way, it’s a photo of all four of them.

Of all the photos to keep on his desk…

Derek hangs up the sat phone and puts it back in the lockbox. He crosses the office and leans against the desk beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. 

PHYSICAL CONTACT

+++

When you get back to the apartment (indeed much closer than your home), Jess is asleep in the guest room, and Jack’s still out like a light. 

Aaron’s bed feels far too big and far too cold without him. 

+++

The next time a sat call comes in, you can’t go into the office. Jack has the flu and is absolutely miserable. You can’t, in good conscience, leave Jess to her own devices. Between the vomit and the sleeplessness and the tears, four sets of hands are absolutely necessary. 

I think this is really one of those moments where they step into the parent role for Jack. I didn’t feel the need to explicitly note it in here, but that’s the way I approached this scene. 

“Derek, I can’t leave. Jack is literally puking his guts out as we speak, and I don’t have any new intel for Hotch.” 

Morgan huffs into the phone. “Come on. You know you’re the only one he actually wants to talk to and the only one who has any actual updates about Jack.” 

“You just have to tell him that I’m with Jack tonight because he’s got the flu. Isn’t that enough of an update?” You don’t really mean to snap at him, but the lack of sleep has made you a little punchy. 

“Fine. If he -”

“Yeah, I know. If he gets upset, just blame me. He can deal with me when he’s not in Pakistan. As long as there are twelve time zones between us, I’ll take my chances.”

“Fair enough.” 

Even though he’s Acting Unit Chief, they’re still best friends and you can tell lmao.

He hangs up, and you return to the hall bathroom, where Jack’s cheek is pressed against the toilet seat, his forehead damp and face pale. Jess is taking her turn to sleep - you’ll switch off in an hour. 

“Hey, bubba.”

He mumbles something that sounds like, “Hi.”

“Can I get you some crackers?” 

Jack shakes his head and lifts himself up, holding his arms out. The risk of illness far from your mind, you gather him up and lean against the cabinets, rubbing his back.

“Can you try to close your eyes for me?”

“I don’t feel good.” There are a few tears in his voice, and it breaks your heart a little. You’ve so been there. 

“I know, baby. I know. Just close your eyes for a minute, okay?”

He does, and his breathing evens out eventually. He’s still feverish, but you’re happy he’s sweating, at least. It could break by morning at this rate. 

The makeshift towel-bed on the bathroom floor looks more than inviting. You gingerly shuffle over and lay down, keeping Jack flat against your chest. 

This was such a hallmark of my childhood - the sleeping on towels if you had a stomach bug. I remember being so exhausted that the towels were suddenly the best thing in the whole wide world. Like....mattress who??

It’s the best sleep you’ve had in weeks. 

+++

The hardest days are the ones where you end up by yourself. Derek’s picked up kickboxing with Penelope, JJ has her family, and Rossi retreats to the cabin by the lake with an alarming degree of regularity. 

Thank God he’s not as cranky as Gideon. 

That would be too spooky. 

Any excuse to get a lil jab at Gideon in, it’s one I’m going to capitalize on.

Everyone is out of the office, scattered to their respective distractions. You sit on the floor of Aaron’s office, leaning against his desk. Your laptop sits open in front of you, playing a movie you’re only half paying attention to. 

I like this image of them just...going to the office to hang out, even on a day off. I used to do that in the theatre when I was in college. I had no reason whatsoever for being there, but it wasn’t my house so it was a nice change. 

It was only this afternoon you realized his office smelled more like Morgan’s Tiger Balm than Aaron, and it broke your heart a little. Your only solace was his apartment - the evidence of his existence was inescapable there. With Emily gone for good, you often needed the reminder. 

His office phone rings. You pause the movie, stand, and answer it. 

“Agent Hotchner’s office.” 

NSA is on the other side, dry and professional. “We have an incoming call from Agent Hotchner. Is Agent Morgan available?” 

You tell him he’s not, but that you’re the next in line to receive task force updates. In an equally dry and professional tone, you relay your credentials and your unique intel code. 

“Thank you. Please stand by.” Click. 

You roll your eyes. 

God, they’re boring. 

Sitting down at Aaron’s desk, you wait for the armed guard to arrive with the phone. As per protocol, you’ll sign for the call and remove it from the lockbox yourself. You’ll return it for pickup when the call is completed. 

The guard shows up and you step through the motions, finally getting the phone to your ear. 

“Hey.” 

“Oh, it’s you.” He sounds surprised, but not displeased. 

You laugh a little. “Yeah, it’s me. Morgan’s unavailable at the moment.” 

“I see. Is Jack feeling any better?”

Another thing I wanted to lean into in this part was the anguish Aaron must feel being so far away from Jack for so long. 

“Yeah. He’s been alright for about a week now. It was a pretty nasty bug, but he’s a trooper. Any new chatter down your way?” You trace the wood grain of his desk with your finger, only a little absent-minded. 

“There’s a little bit of activity on the border. We’re monitoring the situation. Is everything going okay over there?”

“Yeah, for the most part. We’ve been feeling the heat a little since Seaver transferred to Andy’s unit, but we’re managing alright. Dave’s called JJ back in to lend a hand, and she’s doing really well.” 

That was such a tiny detail in the show, but i realized how rough it must have been to be down like three people by the end of it. 

He hums. “That was a smart idea.” 

“I’ll tell him you said so.” 

“Oh, please don’t. It’ll go straight to his head.” 

You smile. “Fair point. Any updates on the timetable?”

When are you coming home? Please make it soon. 

“Not at the moment. I think we’re getting closer. Few more weeks.” There’s something behind his voice you can’t quite grasp, but you let it go. Again, not a singular clue means that the emotional tuning fork is broken. 

“Alright. Keep us posted.” 

“Will do. You know the drill.” 

“I sure do. I’ll relay the information to the team, tell your son you love him, and talk to you in a couple of weeks.” 

You can almost hear his smile. “Exactly. Talk soon.”

“Be safe, Aaron.” 

+++

You’re all gathered at the roundtable when Aaron walks in, looking all the worse for wear and - 

Is that a beard?

Did I make myself myself laugh with that first observation? Yes. Was it my first thought even before I could process the delight that we wouldn’t have any episodes without him the first time I saw 7x01? Yes. 

Wait. He’s back. 

You just spoke to him on Monday, with news of a “few more weeks.”

Fucking bastard knew he was coming home, didn’t he?

All of your joy in seeing him evaporates, and you narrow your eyes at him. This was that moment where I had that AHA! thing. I realized that THIS was the thing they were going to get upset about. And it’s not just the anger from right now, the anger from before comes rushing back too. Basically - he’s safe, so they can get really mad and the fear goes away. Just like the last time you were in this room together, there’s an apology in his gaze. 

“Welcome back.” Derek doesn’t sound surprised, and your head whips toward him. He doesn’t look at you. 

Unbelievable. 

“Thanks. Everyone, have a seat.” You follow Aaron’s instructions, and sit, crossing your arms. It’s childish, sure, but the balance of personal and professional life has flown out the window. Okay serious question. Was it ever in the room with y’all? 

The next part here comes straight out of the show but it was SO fun to reframe.

Collecting the dialogue and who says what is often the most tedious part of the process for the episode-linked fics, but once that’s done I have a lot of fun putting it together and linking things into the rest of the universe - pointing things out and the like. 

I always feel like y’all know so much about how I watch the show and my perspective on it with the episode fics. It’s kind of an interesting picture to me, like y’all are looking at it the way I see it. I dunno. That was a random thought. 

This feels like a personal slight, rather than a professional one. You try to push it away, but it lingers in your sternum like a lit flare. It’s uncomfortable, and you hate it. 

I’ve always found it’s really unpleasant to be mad at someone you really love. I always hate it because I don’t usually want to be mad. I wanted to lean into that feeling here. 

“Why?” Derek sounds a little concerned, and you can’t blame him. “What’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team.” You notice, brow furrowed, that JJ stands beside Hotch like an ally. They both have odd looks on their faces. “As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle.”

No. 

Reader doesn’t know what they don’t know, but they know something in their gut. I don’t think it would be too off-base to attribute it to their connection to Aaron. 

“The doctors were able to stabilize her. She was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.” 

No. 

“Her identity was strictly need-to-know. She stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris, where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.” 

No. 

There’s silence, and you can’t tear your eyes from Aaron.  

“She’s alive?”

“We buried her.” 

Penelope and Spencer’s comments rush past you and you feel much like you did in the waiting room on that horrible, horrible night seven months ago. 

“As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me.” 

His eyes finally meet yours, and you find your vision blurred. You blink away your tears. 

It was a necessary lie. 

You go into this business expecting to be lied to. 

Not by Aaron. 

That’s not the issue and you know it. He left. 

He left us. 

THIS is exactly the conflict and why Reader can’t fully trust him. It’s very normal to have these kinds of covert operations in agencies, though they seem jarring in the context of a team that’s so close. 

It’s a weird reminder that this is still the FBI, and even though they’re family, they are colleagues and agents first. That’s an uncomfortable realization and part of me thinks that’s why Derek got so mad. 

He was so ready for the BAU to be different, to be his family. We know that Derek has HUGE issues with trust, so evidence that his family isn’t as “safe” as he thought would be have been so difficult to process. 

“Any issues?” Derek’s disbelief is marred by hurt, but you can’t reassure him through your own shock. “Yeah, I got issues.”

He’s cut off by Penelope’s glance toward the doorway. 

The team, save for JJ and Hotch, rush toward her. You’re stuck to your seat until she approaches you. At her touch, you come back to life, throwing yourself into her arms. “Emily.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.” Her grip on you is tight, but your arms, looped around her shoulders, don’t feel like they’re attached to your body. 

Y’all ever felt that buzzing feeling when there’s so much happening and everything feels like radio static? Yeah. 

She lets you go and continues to speak. Derek’s frozen, and you can’t imagine for a minute what’s going on in his head. Emily wraps around him. He’s stock still, his eyes misty. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when he brings his hand to her shoulder, his cheek falling onto the side of her head. 

It’s back to business faster than you can blink, and now you’re sure you’re not the only one ready to kill Aaron where he stands. Derek is livid. 

They stare at each other while Spencer starts asking questions. Eventually, they focus back. Aaron crosses to you, contributing where necessary. He just wants to be close because he missed them :’) Nice try, buddy. You’re in deep shit. You don’t acknowledge him. It’s horrible. You hate being so angry with him, but there’s nothing to be done. 

You can’t be upset at him about Emily. There’s too much to understand, and yet the initial shock of it is like a never-ending bucket of cold water poured over your body. 

Selfishly, you realize you’re upset with him because he didn’t tell you he was coming home. It’s so small when there are other, much bigger, issues to address. 

I also loved the opportunity to lean into such a small issue??? It was a challenge to make it big enough to be a believable blowout in mean it, but it got easier once I realized that their anger wasn’t really about Pakistan. It’s more of an activating excuse that brings all of their feelings up to the surface and it’s overwhelming!

Emily’s lie is professional. Just part of the job. This one feels personal.

You’re a child. Let it go. 

He knew and he left. 

He knew and he left. 

He knew and he left. 

He didn’t tell you he was coming home.

Whew. That was fun. Stay tuned!