#it’s about the wanting. the yearning. the things inside of you that you’re scared of

[wlwanakin]

anakin gender hypothesis cuz like whatever man

sources: i saw the tv glow (2024) dir. jane schoenbrun, tweet i made a meme out of, the ocean by against me!, queen’s hope by ek johnston, rogue planet by greg bear, i saw the tv glow Again

[salemlunaa]

VOID STATE: LAZINESS IS A DISEASE, GET WELL SOON 🧸

get your ass up and get your dream life

*mild tough love because some of you need this*

so alot of people go on about how they procrastinate the void and shifting to their new reality because of fear. but alot of you do not want or care to admit that , you’re just too fucking lazy. And to that i say seriously?? You know that you can have ANYTHING, absolutely ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you dream of, with just a trip to the void state and yet you hold it off. “I’ll do it tonight” you say, even though the most groundbreaking thing you have done today was scrolling through your phone on this app and others (which is time that could have been spent tapping in). You torture yourself scrolling through tiktok and instagram, looking at others from afar with jealousy wishing you had their lives. You add posts into your favourites telling yourself “i’ll have that life someday”, “i’ll have that body soon”, “when i shift i’ll be as pretty as her” (when you could literally have all that and better RIGHT NOW) You insert yourself in different narratives, shows and groups you wish you were apart of, when you could literally shift to a reality where you are there.

you don’t have to look at them with jealousy

you dont have to get upset about your shitty life

you don’t have to imagine

you don’t have to want for anything

you don’t have to yearn, long, desire

it can be yours, if i’m honest you should be more excited about this, scripting anything you could ever possibly dream of, even the little details, and they could be YOURS. you should start being so much more excited about this, about your dream life, like seriously. And that excitement about having everything should motivate you to tap in. Instead your lazy ass has adopted a loser mentality, doing absolutely nothing all day telling yourself you’ll “try at night” and when you don’t get in you repeat the cycle. You abandon responsibilities telling yourself it doesn’t matter because “youre gonna shift anyways”, and you don’t even put in the actual effort. It’s a very dangerous cycle to go down and you can go from moving round that cycle once to doing it 30 times and before you know it you’ve spent a month in this rut.

you don’t have to wait until the night and you know that so don’t give me bullshit. Take those limiting beliefs away and do it at any time of day when you get the chance.

Do you know how lucky you are to even have the access to learn about this shit. There are probably so many people much more disciplined than you, that would do so much with this information, who don’t even have access to the internet or any outside resources to even reach this sort of information and you’re fucking wasting your days lurking on this app. doing what? And it’s sad because, this community is so small meaning you are here for a reason my love, all that shit you went through and didn’t deserve, you looked at it all and knew there was more out there for you, knew that you were deserving of more. And i’ll be dammed if your lazy ass ruins it for yourself.

You have overcomplicated the void so much to the point where you’re scared to “fail” and “let yourself down” so you put it off and say you’ll “do it later”. Now remember, you cannot fail the void, you cannot fail something that is inside you, something that IS you. What you fail to do is stand firm in the fact that you’re a god and can do anything, everything is easy for you so get off your ass and go shift.

i just HAD to 🤭 @smellofemale

you deserve everything, and you CAN, in fact, have it all. JUST DO IT 🥥💋

[pucksandpower]

It’s Only Natural

Max Verstappen x innocent!Reader

Summary: in which Max shows you that it’s okay to want

Warnings: 18+ content

You sit on the edge of the bed, your hands folded primly in your lap. You watch as Max moves about, discarding his shirt and stepping out of his jeans until he’s down to just his boxers. There’s an easy grace to his movements, like a predatory animal comfortable in its skin.

Your eyes trace over the curves and lines of his body appreciatively before you catch yourself and quickly look away, heat flooding your cheeks. You hear him chuckle.

“See something you like?”

You keep your gaze fixed firmly on the floor. “I wasn’t looking.”

The mattress dips as Max sits beside you. He tilts your chin up. Reluctantly you meet his stare, the grey of his eyes as vivid as the stormy sky.

“It’s okay, you know. To want me.” His thumb brushes over your bottom lip. “We’ve been together for months now. It’s only natural.”

You swallow hard, torn between embarrassment and yearning. “Wanting is … improper. Before marriage.” The words sound weak even to your own ears.

Max smirks. “Who told you that? Your parents? The church?” He leans in close, his breath hot on your ear. “They don’t own your body or your desires. Only you do.”

You shiver at his proximity, inhaling the scent of his skin. Like walking past a bakery first thing in the morning, the aroma of fresh bread wafting out onto the street. Your mouth waters.

“I know you feel it too,” Max murmurs. “This hunger. This heat between us.” His fingers trail down your arm, raising goosebumps in their wake. “Don’t be ashamed of it.”

Your breaths come faster. You’re trembling, but not from the cold. “Max ...”

He silences you with a kiss. His lips are firm yet soft, coaxing rather than demanding. The kiss deepens slowly, each brush of his mouth unraveling you further until you’re clinging to him, dizzy with want.

When you finally break for air, Max gazes at you tenderly. “How do you feel?”

You lick your tingling lips. “I-I don’t know. Confused. Like my body is doing things without my permission.” You press a hand to your heaving chest. “My heart is racing so fast.”

“That’s desire, liefje.” Max strokes your hair soothingly. “It’s new and frightening now, but you’ll get used to it.” He kisses your forehead. “There’s no need to be scared.”

You nod hesitantly. He’s right, this feeling is terrifying in its intensity. But it’s also tantalizing, a thirst you never knew needed quenching.

You take a deep breath. “What happens next?”

Max smiles encouragingly. “That’s up to you. We can take this as slow or as fast as you want. It’s your journey — I’m just your guide.” He lifts your hand to his mouth, kissing your knuckles. “You lead, I’ll follow.”

Reassured, you lean into him. “Kiss me again?”

“With pleasure.”

This time when Max’s lips find yours, you let your instincts take over. Your mouth moves shyly against his at first but grows bolder, mimicking the way he teases your bottom lip, coaxes your tongue. The tender exploration sends pulses of heat coursing through you. You’re lit up from the inside, like a lantern glowing in the dark.

You come up for air again, dizzy and breathless. Max’s eyes are hooded, his own breathing uneven. “How was that?”

You press closer, craving the hardness of his body. “I want more.”

Max grins. “Do you now?”

Before you can respond, he captures your mouth again, kissing you with a passionate urgency that steals your thoughts away. You cling to him as the last of your inhibitions burns up like paper held to a flame.

There is only feeling now — exquisite, terrifying, blissful feeling.

When Max finally releases you, you’re shaking all over. He brushes the hair back from your face tenderly. “Talk to me. How are you?”

You wet your parched lips. “I feel … alive. Awake.” You glance up at him almost shyly. “Thank you for waking me up.”

Max’s expression softens. “You’re welcome.” He lies back on the bed, opening his arms to you. “Come here.”

You curl into him without hesitation, resting your head on his chest. His steady heartbeat grounds you as his fingers trail up and down your back idly. You trace random patterns on his skin, marveling at the way it prickles under your touch.

“Can I ask you something?” You murmur.

“Of course.”

You chew your lip thoughtfully. “How did you know? That I wanted this?”

Max considers the question. “I saw how your body responded to mine, even when you tried to hide it.” His hand slides to your hip, rubbing gentle circles. “I heard how your breathing changed when I got close to you.”

You flush at the knowing tone in his voice.

“Most of all though, I recognized the longing in your eyes.” Max tilts your chin up so you have to meet his earnest gaze. “You and I are the same. Our bodies have needs we can’t ignore.”

You wrinkle your nose. “Is it always this … intense?”

Max laughs. “No, it gets easier. The more you open yourself to pleasure, the less it will overwhelm you.” He plays with a lock of your hair idly. “Think of your desire like a wild horse. Right now it’s bucking and straining at the reins. But with time and training, you’ll be able to ride it smoothly.”

You consider this. “Have you trained your horse well?”

“Very well,” Max says wryly. “We understand each other perfectly.”

You bite your lip. “Will you teach me?”

Max’s eyes darken. For a long moment he just looks at you, desire written plainly across his face. Your own excitement builds under that molten stare.

Finally he nods. “If that’s what you want.” His voice is slightly hoarse now. “We’ll take it slow. One step at a time.”

Your heart flutters wildly. You nod, not trusting yourself to speak.

Max clears his throat. “For now, just try to get comfortable being so close to me. Explore a bit.” His hand trails down your side. “Learn what feels good.”

You arch into his touch instinctively, craving more contact. Your mouths find each other again, hot and seeking. You let your hands wander across the warm planes of his chest, tracing each ridge and valley. When your fingers brush one of his nipples, Max makes a low sound that shoots desire through you like lightning.

You tear your mouth from his, eyes wide. “Did I hurt you?”

“God, no.” Max’s pupils are blown wide, fixed on you intently. “That felt good. Do it again.”

Emboldened, you experiment with touching him the way he touched you, learning which caresses make his breath hitch and muscles tighten. Before long Max is shaking under your hands, his control fraying at the edges.

“Enough,” he growls, grabbing your wrists and pinning them to the bed. “Any more and this lesson will be over far too soon.”

You grin up at him impishly. “Maybe next time then.”

Max groans. “You’re going to be the death of me.” But he’s smiling as he dips his head to kiss you lazily.

When he finally releases your wrists, you wrap your arms around him, enjoying the warmth and solidness of his body. You feel different now — more awake, more alive. Like you’ve stepped through a doorway into a bigger and brighter world.

“Thank you for today,” you whisper, meaning it with your whole heart. “I feel … free.”

Max kisses the top of your head tenderly. “You’ve always been free, schatje. I’m just helping you see it.” He lifts your chin so your eyes meet. “We’ve only just started. There are so many wonders still to show you.”

A thrill races through you at the promise in his voice. You settle against his chest again, listening to the strong, steady beat of his heart as you fall asleep in his arms, unafraid of wanting anymore.

Your body and heart are finally coming home to each other.

***

Morning sun spills through the curtains, rousing you slowly from sleep. The other half of the bed is empty but still warm, and the faint clatter of dishes downstairs means Max is already up and making breakfast.

You stretch languidly, yesterday’s explorations still fresh in your mind. A newfound heat simmers in your veins, sending a flush across your skin.

You find Max in the kitchen, hair charmingly mussed, wearing only pajama bottoms that ride low on his hips. He grins when he sees you.

“Good morning, liefje. Sleep well?”

You come up behind him, sliding your arms around his trim waist. “Mmm I did,” you nuzzle into his bare shoulder. He smells warm and masculine. You press a kiss to his skin, eliciting a pleased hum.

“Keep that up and I’ll burn breakfast,” Max says wryly. He turns in your embrace, fingers tilting your chin up for a slow, simmering kiss. By the time he pulls back you’re breathless and tingling.

“What’s gotten into you today?” He looks delighted.

You bite your lip coyly. “I can’t stop thinking about last night.” You flatten your palms against his chest, feeling his heart pick up speed. “I want to keep learning.”

Max’s eyes darken. For a long moment he just looks at you, desire pooling in his heated gaze. “Finish eating first,” he says finally. “Then meet me upstairs.”

Excitement bubbles through you. You eat breakfast quicker than you ever have before, then hurry to the bedroom where Max awaits, sitting on the edge of the bed. He beckons you over with a crooked smile.

“Eager today, are we?”

You nod, leaning down to initiate a kiss. Max obliges, his mouth warm and seeking against yours. When you move to deepen it further, he gently grasps your shoulders and eases you back.

“Slow down, schatje. We’ve got all the time in the world.” His tone is kind but firm. “Let’s take this lesson nice and easy.”

You duck your head, chastened. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to rush.”

Max tips your chin back up, eyes tender. “It’s okay. I know everything feels new and exciting.” His thumb brushes your bottom lip softly. “But the best pleasures are the ones we savor.”

Heart swelling, you turn your head to press a kiss to his palm. “Teach me?”

Max nods. “Come sit with me.”

You settle beside him on the bed, pulse skipping when he draws you close. His hands glide up your arms, raising goosebumps, before coming to rest lightly around your neck. His touch is reverent, worshipful.

“So beautiful,” he murmurs. “I could spend hours exploring you.”

He kisses behind your ear, along your jawline, each press of his lips languid and unhurried. By the time he reaches your mouth you’re trembling, hyper-aware of everywhere your bodies touch.

Max takes his time kissing you deeply, thumbs sweeping over your throat and down to your collarbones. You lean into him, chasing more of that exquisite friction, but he doesn’t allow you to rush. He pulls back again and again until you relax, surrendering to his pace.

“There you go, just like that,” he praises. “Nice and slow.”

You keen softly when his fingers trail down to trace along the neckline of your shirt, back and forth. He toys with the top button, watching your face attentively.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.”

“Don’t stop,” you breathe.

Max smiles and pops the first button open. Then he pauses, bending to kiss the new inch of exposed skin. Goosebumps prickle across your chest as he continues his unhurried path downward, kissing each new glimpse of flesh laid bare.

By the time he reaches the last button you’re trembling violently, head tipped back in bliss. Max’s strong hands sweep up your sides and around to unclasp your bra. You gasp as the garment falls away, leaving you bare before him.

Reverently he cups your breasts, thumbs sweeping over your tightened peaks. The sensation wrings a desperate moan from you.

“You’re exquisite,” Max marvels. He bends to take one nipple into his mouth and your vision goes white, senses overwhelmed by slick heat. He suckles you gently, littering kisses across your fevered skin until you’re writhing mindlessly against him.

“Max, please ...”

He kisses his way back up to your mouth, face alight with tenderness and desire. “What do you need?”

You clutch his shoulders, nearly sobbing. “You. I need you.”

Max groans, deepening the kiss until you’re drunk on him, on this feeling. His body shifts, pressing you down into the mattress, and you go willingly, eagerly.

“Not yet, liefje.” With monumental effort he stills, pulling back to look at you. His eyes are dark, lips kiss-swollen. “Is this too much?”

You shake your head desperately. “Don’t stop. Show me everything.”

Max hesitates, muscles corded with restraint. “Next time,” he grits out. “I want our first to be perfect.”

He rolls off you and you whimper at the loss of contact. Max gathers you close, stroking your hair as you slowly come down from your near-high.

“You were incredible,” he murmurs. “So receptive. So passionate.”

You cling to him, heart still pounding. “I want you so much it hurts.”

Max tips your chin up, gazing at you solemnly. “I know. And you’ll have me, I promise.” He kisses you sweetly. “But forcing things too soon will only dull the pleasure later.”

You know he’s right. With great effort you tamp down the fever in your blood, focusing on the warmth and strength of his embrace.

“Thank you for stopping,” you whisper. “I know it wasn’t easy.”

Max smiles wryly. “You have no idea.” He caresses your face tenderly. “But your pleasure means more to me than my own.”

You lick your suddenly parched lips. “I’m ready,” you say simply. “Whenever you think the time is right.”

Max’s eyes darken. For a long moment he just looks at you, stripped bare by yearning. Then he nods slowly. “Soon.”

***

The next few days pass in a haze of stolen kisses and wandering hands. Each touch stokes the fire between you higher, until you’re dizzy with anticipation.

When Max finally whispers that you’re ready, that tonight will be the night, you can scarcely breathe for excitement. He takes you upstairs after dinner, kissing you deeply before leaving to run you a bath.

“Make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back.”

You change into the lacy lingerie set you bought just for this occasion, hands trembling. The ivory silk and lace hugs your curves perfectly, making you feel delicate and desired.

Max returns to find you sitting primly on the bed, heart in your throat. His eyes widen, traveling appreciatively over you.

“You’re a vision,” he murmurs. He sits beside you, hand coming up to caress the line of your throat, tantalizingly close to the swells of your barely concealed breasts. “I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

He kisses you, slow and deep, until you’re breathing hard. With gentle hands he undresses you, lips following the path of revealed skin. By the time the lingerie slips to the floor, you’re trembling and ready.

Max rises gracefully from the bed, shedding his own clothes. The hunger in his eyes steals your breath away. He’s beautiful like this, powerful muscle and taut sinew under smooth skin. Your apprehension melts into awed desire.

“Come,” he says simply, holding out a hand.

He leads you into the bathroom where rose petals float across steaming water. Candles line the counter, filling the air with a soft glow.

Max helps you into the tub before sliding in behind you. You sigh, relaxing back against his chest. For a while he just holds you, lips grazing your temple, your cheek, the curve of your shoulder.

“Are you nervous?” He asks eventually. His breath tickles your ear.

“A little,” you admit. “Mostly just excited.” You cover his hands with your own, drawing them around to span your stomach. “I’m ready for you to have all of me.”

Max nuzzles into the crook of your neck. “You honor me.” His palms glide higher, cupping your breasts as his thumbs tease your nipples. You arch into the caress, lips parting in bliss. He kisses down the slope of your neck until you’re mindless, head falling back onto his shoulder.

“Max ...” His name catches on a moan.

He kisses just beneath your ear. “Tell me what you need, schatje.”

You take one of his hands, guiding it lower beneath the water. Max exhales harshly when you press his fingers between your legs.

“Please,” you beg softly.

Max complies, caressing you in unhurried circles. The slick glide of his fingers has you shaking, pulsing against his hand. He works you higher with gentle expertise until your climax crashes over you like a wave. You cry out, collapsing limply back against him.

Max holds you through the aftershocks, murmuring praise and adoration. As you float back down he washes you tenderly, hands worshipping every inch of your spent body. By the time he helps you from the bath your nerves have melted away, replaced only by bliss.

Max dries you off before scooping you up and carrying you to bed. He lays you down reverently and you reach for him, needing to feel him against you.

He goes willingly, covering your body with his, all heated skin and taut muscle. You revel in the delicious weight of him, the intimacy of full-body contact. Max kisses you deeply, one hand trailing down to lift your knee, opening you up to him.

He pulls back just far enough to meet your eyes. “Are you sure?” His voice resonates with restraint.

“Yes,” you whisper. “Please, Max.”

He kisses you sweetly as he finally, carefully, joins your bodies. You gasp into his mouth at the feeling of him filling you so exquisitely. For a moment you’re frozen, overwhelmed by the intensity.

Max stills, letting you adjust. “Talk to me, liefje.” His voice is tight. “Does it hurt?”

You run your hands up his back, grounding yourself in the solidness of him. “No. It just feels … big.” You shift your hips experimentally and have to stifle a moan. “But so good.”

Max relaxes slightly, some of the tension leaving his frame. “We’ll take this slow.” He kisses across your cheekbones, your fluttering eyelids, soothing you as your body adjusts to accommodate him. “Just breathe. There’s no rush.”

When you finally nod for him to move, he rocks into you in achingly gradual strokes. Each glide lights you up from within, pleasure swelling inexorably. Your legs come up to wrap around his waist, taking him deeper.

Max groans. “You feel incredible.” He quickens just slightly, just enough to wring gasps from you both. “So perfect for me.”

You cling to him, this man you love beyond reason, beyond promise. He fills you in every way, heart, body and soul. “Max,” you breathe against his lips like a prayer, and his pace stutters.

“Say it again.” His eyes are molten, searing into yours.

“Max.” You pour every ounce of love and devotion you feel into his name.

With a ragged moan he claims your mouth, kissing you fiercely even as his hips snap against yours. You cry out, senses flooded by him, by the feeling of your bodies joining so exquisitely. The pleasure crests unbearably high before you shatter, clenching and shuddering around him.

Max follows you over with a harsh groan, chest heaving against yours. For an eternity all you know is each other, breathing as one.

Max rolls to the side so he doesn’t crush you, pulling you along so you stay cradled against him. You cling tightly, still joined, overwhelmed by what you’ve just shared.

Max tilts your chin up, eyes tender but concerned. “Are you alright?”

You smile shakily, smoothing back his sweat-damp hair. “I’m perfect.” You press soft kisses across his face. “That was … everything.”

Relief breaks across his face. He wraps you in his arms, tucking your head under his chin. “I love you,” he whispers into your hair. “Beyond anything.”

You snuggle closer, basking in the warmth of his embrace, the steadiness of his heart. “I love you too. Forever.”

Eventually Max slips from your body and you mourn the loss, even as exhaustion tugs at you. He cleans you gently with a warm cloth before pulling you against him once more.

You drift toward sleep, lulled by the soothing strokes of his fingers through your hair. Just before slumber takes you, Max presses his lips to your temple.

“Thank you for your gift tonight,” he breathes. “I’ll spend my whole life trying to be worthy of it.”

[pedroscurls]

baby, stay in bed (one-shot)

summary: head over heels in love with hugh, you spend the night for the first time... and realize that hugh feels the same way. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader word count: 3.6k warnings: smut (morning sex, unprotected p in v sex, missionary), no use of y/n. a/n: shout out to this anon for this request!!! i'm sorry it took me so long to write this, but i truly hoped you enjoy it. i had so much fun writing it! as always, this is purely fictional! i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman.

You’ve been together with Hugh for six months now, having had to get used to this new lifestyle of yours. Everywhere you went with him, you’d hear his name being called followed by the sounds of a shutter coming from multiple cameras. He’s always so polite, so kind and sweet even though he didn’t need to be. 

It was one of the many things you loved about him.

Love. You still couldn’t believe that you were truly in love with the man. Every moment spent with him, he always made sure that you were his main focus. You had been spending more and more time with him at his place, still so surprised at how beautiful his penthouse was. The 360 view of the city, the white walls, the high ceilings. Even though the place felt very large for one person, there were little trinkets decorated around the house that made it more homey, more personal, more Hugh. 

The more time you spent at his place, the more he tried to convince you to just spend the night. You never truly did though because you knew that if you got a glimpse of what it would be like to fall asleep and wake up next to him that you’d want more. You’d crave more and you aren’t even sure if you and Hugh are on the same stages of this relationship. 

You were so deeply in love with him that it scared you at times. The way your heart would beat faster whenever he entered the room, or the way your stomach would feel like butterflies swarming inside when he gazed into your eyes, or the way he would whisper sweet things into your ear when he was making love to you. 

That’s what it felt like with Hugh. Complete bliss, a true fairytale. 

You hadn’t ever been in such a healthy relationship where the man yearned for open communication. Even when you both had disagreements, Hugh always created a safe space and environment for you to tell him what was on your mind and vice versa. 

And the sex… Well, the sex was another aspect of your relationship that you hadn’t felt before. Maybe it had to do with his age, but you never felt taken care of and put first before. Hugh loved to take his time with you, loved to pull more and more orgasms out of you before he even slid his length into your warmth. And when he did… it was always such a painful stretch in the beginning, the girth and length of his manhood still so large when he pushed into your tight entrance. 

The last six months with Hugh had been an ultimate dream. Even when he was away filming, he always made sure to check in, to call and text. Not a day went by without you speaking to each other while he was away and the distance only showed you how much you love the man. 

But you couldn’t tell him, too afraid that it would scare him away, that you’re just miles ahead of him in this relationship. Maybe he isn’t even yet ready to open himself up like that after his divorce, so you decided to just keep it to yourself. 

Hugh’s back home from filming, getting a week long break before he has to leave again. The moment he came back home, you were the first person he called, telling you to come over because he missed you so much. You didn’t even hesitate before driving to his penthouse, excitement bubbling in your chest because while you spoke to him every day, seeing him in person and getting to be in his arms is just completely different. 

You make it to his penthouse in record time, practically jogging inside the building and taking the elevator up to the top floor. Within seconds, the elevator doors open and you see Hugh walking down the hallway in your direction. You grin at the sight of him, running towards him and jumping into his arms once you were close enough. 

He chuckles at the sight of you, his arms snaking around your frame as he lifts you off your feet and your legs wrap around his waist. Hugh lets out a sigh of relief, face burying against the side of your neck. This… this is where he belongs. With you. He didn’t realize that six months ago, bumping into you at a restaurant would have changed his entire world. You had been shy at first, very hesitant and reserved to even give this a chance, but Hugh persisted. There was just something about you that lured him in and he was sure that it wasn’t even your intention. 

And the first time he kissed you, Hugh felt so giddy, so happy, and like a complete teenager all over again. The more time he spent with you, the more he realized that he wanted you in his life more regularly, more permanently. He knows he falls fast and with you, it’s no different. You’re so understanding, so patient, and even with his busy schedule, you never try to ask for more than what he can’t give you at the moment… but he knows that if you did, he’d give in right away. 

You haven’t yet slept over and Hugh understands your hesitation, understands why you don’t want to because he also feels the same way. He’s already so in love with you that if he gets even a bit of taste of having you in his arms every morning or night, he’s going to want to have you here every night… and he isn’t even sure if you feel the same way he does. You both haven’t talked about it yet, neither have you admitted that you did love each other, but it’s probably so clear and obvious to everyone else. 

“I missed you,” Hugh says, setting you back down on your feet to take your hand and lead you into his home.

“Me too,” you sigh contentedly, gripping his hand tightly. Once inside his home, Hugh shuts the door and then quickly takes you upstairs. You smile up at him and then fall back into his bed once you make it inside, immediately getting yourself very comfortable in his sheets. “Ah, I missed this bed.” 

Hugh grins down at you, eyes gazing lovingly at you. “Did you miss me or my bed?” 

“Mmm, both?” you giggle, moving to lie on your side as you pat the empty space next to you. “Come here. I missed my man.”

Hugh chuckles and slides in next to you, arm wrapping around your shoulders as you rest your head against him with an arm draped over his midsection. “Spend the night?” he asks, looking down at you expectantly. “If you’re comfortable with it. I just– I want to spend this entire week with you before I leave again, baby.”

You look up at him, a nervous twinkle in your eye. You want to say yes, but there’s a part of you where fear has taken hold. “Hugh…” 

Hugh sighs, shaking his head. “Right, sorry. I don’t mean to pressure you, baby. I’m sorry.” 

“No, no, it’s just–” you let out a heavy sigh and then move your hand to rest on his chest. “I’m just scared.”

“Scared? Of what?” 

“That I’m gonna want to sleep over all the time,” you admit, biting your lower lip. “And I know that’s not realistic because you’re going to be away filming… but–”

Hugh interrupts you with a soft and gentle kiss on the tip of your nose. “You know, I think I’m going to want you to sleep over all the time too. I mean, I want you to already.” he chuckles. “But we’ll make it work. We always do, baby.” 

“Okay,” you nod. “I’ll sleep over. I didn’t bring anything, though.” 

“That’s okay,” Hugh smiles, excitement written all over his features as he moves to hover above you, settling himself between your legs. “You won’t need clothes to walk around here,” he winks. 

“Naughty, naughty, Mr. Jackman.”

“You love it,” he teases, leaning down to pepper kisses along your neck. 

“I love you,” you say suddenly. Your eyes go wide and you feel your heart stammering in your chest. You quickly move to push him away from you, embarrassment settling in the pit of your stomach. You were just telling him how you were scared to sleep over and now, you just admitted that you loved him. 

“I uh–” you shake your head and sit up from the bed, moving to stand up and get ready to leave, but Hugh’s staring up at you with a hopeful look in his beautiful eyes. The city lights illuminate the night sky, and you quickly avert your eyes to his large windows. You need to leave. You need to look anywhere but at him. “I’m sorry. It just slipped out. Let’s just forget I ever said that.”

“Baby,” Hugh says quietly, gently reaching out for your hand. He’s careful not to make any sudden movements, knowing that you’re already on edge. Though, he’d be lying if he said that hearing you say those words didn’t make him happy. In fact, it just solidified the feelings he has for you. 

Because he loves you too.

“Baby, look at me,” he says again. 

You shake your head and sit on the edge of the bed with your back to him. Hugh lets out a quiet sigh and sits up, legs spreading apart so that he can sit directly behind you, arms moving around your waist and pulling you into his chest. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, shaking your head. “I didn’t– That wasn’t my plan to tell you. Certainly not this soon.”

“Stop,” Hugh says, chin resting on your shoulder as he turns his head to look at the side of your face. “Can you at least look at me?” 

“I don’t want to. I’m so embarrassed.” You stand up from the bed, but Hugh’s hands reach out to your hips and immediately turn you around so that you can face him. He looks up at you, resting his feet on the floor as he inches his way towards the edge of his mattress. 

“You shouldn’t be,” he says softly, eyes still gazing up at you even though your eyes are anywhere but on his. He stands up and then hooks a finger under your chin, lifting it just slightly so that he can look into your eyes. When you finally give in, he can see the tears threatening to spill out as the pad of his thumb brushes against your jawline.

You both stand there for a few moments, just staring into each other’s eyes. The corner of Hugh’s lips turn upwards and he nudges his nose with yours. “I love you too, baby. So much, you have no goddamn idea.” 

Your eyes widen at his admission as your heart continues to race faster and faster. “You… You love me?” 

“With all my heart, love,” Hugh responds. 

All of your concerns and worries completely disappear as you stare up at Hugh. You truly had nothing to worry about because the look in Hugh’s eyes told you just how much he did love you. Slowly, you wrap your arms around his shoulders and let out a sigh of relief. 

Hugh’s arms snake around your waist and pulls you flush against him, burying his face against the side of your neck. He brushes his nose against you, eyes falling shut as he feels the love and joy bloom in his chest. 

“Hearing you say that you love me just made me so happy, baby,” Hugh whispers. “God, I love you so much.”

—

The first few days of Hugh’s weeklong break was spent in his bed. You both only ever got up to shower and eat, but for the rest of the day, you’d both find yourself back in his bed. Hugh couldn’t get enough of you, every night and every morning he’d say I love you, baby. More than you’ll ever know. and it only made the love you felt for him even deeper. 

Every chance he’d get, he’d tell you he loves you. 

And every time he did, you felt the butterflies swarm inside of you. 

And this morning, with the sun slowly beginning to rise, Hugh wakes up before you. You’re both lying on your sides, with him spooning you from behind. He keeps his arm draped over your midsection, slowly pulling you closer to him as he brushes his nose against the back of your shoulder. 

You snuggle back into him, moving to lie on your back as you let out a sleepy sigh. Hugh smiles to himself, eyes scanning your face as he listens to your breathing. You look so peaceful, so calm and serene in your sleep. He gazes at you, his mind thinking back to the moment you told him you loved him. It was like a weight was lifted off his shoulders when he heard those words leave your lips. He hadn’t said it first, fearful that if he were to say it first, he’d scare you away. 

But now… Now, Hugh told you he loved every chance he could get. It warms his heart to see the way your face lights up, your eyes filled with excitement and love, the blush in your cheeks… He hadn’t expected that this would turn out the way it did. After this week, Hugh knows that it’s going to be harder to leave you here while he goes away to film so he’s already been thinking about ways to have you visit him. 

Your eyes slowly flutter open, bringing your arms above your head to stretch as you let out a quiet groan. You turn your head and see Hugh gazing down at you with a small smile on his lips. 

“Mmm, hi you,” you say, voice still sleepy. 

“Morning, baby,” Hugh says, watching you move to lie on your side to face him. He reaches down and takes your hand, bringing it to his lips and placing a gentle kiss on the back of it. 

“Have you been awake long?” you ask, snuggling closer to him as you bring your free hand up to run through his hair. 

“About fifteen minutes,” he answers. “Can we just stay in bed all day?” Hugh asks, eyes looking deeply into yours. 

“You don’t wanna go out and do something? Go for a walk or–” 

Hugh interrupts you and lightly presses his lips to yours. “We can go for a walk tomorrow.” 

“You said that yesterday,” you giggle, releasing his hand to wrap your arms around his shoulders, pulling him on top of you. Hugh settles himself between your legs, hands resting at either side of your head as his eyes never leave yours. 

“I just like seeing you in my bed and you can’t blame me for wanting to keep you here.” Hugh smiles, watching your eyes move along his upper half. He flexes unintentionally, leaning down to bury his face against the side of your neck. 

You run your hands along his bare chest, biting your lower lip as your eyes flutter when you feel Hugh start to pepper kisses along your skin. Slowly, you move your legs to wrap around his waist, lifting your hips slightly to press against him. In his black boxer briefs, you can feel the outline of his length as you roll your hips. 

Hugh pulls back to look down at you, notices the look in your eyes as he leans back on his knees. His hands move to your exposed thighs, moving them up, up, up until they reach the waistband of your panties and he pulls them down your legs. 

“Hugh…” you whimper, looking up at him as you feel his hands move further up your body until he pulls the shirt over your head. 

“I don’t know how I’m gonna leave after this week is over,” Hugh says quietly, eyes moving along your naked body. He feels his length throb painfully against his boxer briefs and he reaches down to squeeze himself. He leans down and slowly presses his lips against yours, moving one hand to rest on the mattress near your head. His other hand moves from the center of his boxers to move between your legs, running his middle finger along the length of your sex. “Always wet for me, aren’t ya, baby?” he mumbles, pulling away from your lips.

“Hugh, please…” you beg, hips lifting off the bed. “I need you and I–”

Hugh interrupts you and slides his finger into your tight heat, growling lowly. He slowly begins to pump his finger in and out of your depths, watching as your eyes fall shut and your mouth remains slightly open as moans filter into his bedroom. He always enjoyed seeing you like this, completely at his mercy and he takes pride in being able to make you feel this way. 

He wants to take his time with you, wants you to have at least one orgasm before he slides into you, but he can’t. Hugh can’t help himself because even with the sounds of your moans, all he can hear is:

I love you.

I love you. 

I love you. 

He pulls his hand away from you and pushes his boxers down to relieve the pressure on his hardening manhood. He grasps himself and runs the tip along you, groaning to himself when he presses his tip against your entrance. Hugh feels your legs tighten further around his hips and when you lift your own again, he feels himself slide inside of your depths. 

“God, I need you, please!” you beg, biting your lower lip as you keep your eyes shut once you feel him slowly slide further into your heat. 

Hugh smiles, lowering his body against yours as his nose bumps with yours. He rolls his hips, feeling himself inch his way deeper into you. He rests his forearms at either side of your head, his hands moving to your hair as he strokes it away from your face. He fills you to the hilt, remaining still for a moment as he gazes down at you, watching you bite your lower lip as a quiet moan escapes you. 

Your arms wrap around his shoulders and feel him begin to move in and out of you. It’s so sensual, this position. His chest pressed firmly against yours, his body caging you into the mattress, nose brushing against yours, lips ghosting over each other. His thrusts are slow, making sure to fill you to the hilt with each push back inside of you. 

“I love you,” Hugh whispers, almost breathlessly. 

Your eyes open slowly, looking up at him as your gaze locks onto his. The movement of his hips doesn’t falter as you both stare directly into each other’s eyes. 

“I– I love you too,” you reply, feeling Hugh deliver a sharp thrust at your words. 

He groans to himself and pushes slightly onto his palm, his other hand reaching up to cup your cheek. He pulls out to his tip and delivers a hard thrust back into you, causing a loud moan to escape your lips. You’re so wet and tight, your walls squeezing him with each movement. 

“Love you, love you, love you,” Hugh repeats, his hips snapping against yours as he chases his release. He can feel your walls begin to tighten even further around him and you’re struggling to keep your eyes open. He leans down and presses a gentle kiss on your forehead before he buries his face against the side of your neck. 

His skin slaps against yours repeatedly, the sound so obscene as it mixes in with the sounds of your moans. His arms move to wrap around your waist, holding you firmly against him as he continues his thrusts. Hugh feels your legs tighten even further around his hips, squeezing him so tight that he doesn’t have much room to pull back. He rolls his hips against yours, pushing you further into the mattress. 

“Baby,” Hugh mutters against your skin, teeth grazing you gently. 

“Hugh…” you moan loudly, your body trembling as you feel yourself reach your high. Your arms move to wrap around his broad shoulders, holding him flush against you as you feel the hair at his base provide the right amount of friction against your bundle of nerves. It’s enough to bring you closer to the edge. 

Hugh growls at the way your walls wrap around his length in a tight vice, hands moving to grip your hips so that he can pull back enough only to thrust himself inside of you. He’s close, his lower abdomen tightening. He pulls out abruptly and grasps the base of his length to tug once, twice, three times before white spurts of his release paint your lower abdomen. 

His eyes flutter shut, mouth slightly agape as his chest heaves rapidly. He sits back on his knees, squeezing every last drop of his come before releasing himself. Hugh opens his eyes and looks down at you, biting his lower lip at the scene before him. He feels almost territorial at the sight of you, with his release on your soft and smooth skin. 

Then, he watches you run your finger along his come and then bring it to your lips to suck. He lets out a low groan, seeing your eyes meet his. 

“Mmmm,” you smile. “Next time, you should come inside my mouth. I’ll happily swallow.”

Hugh groans, feeling his manhood twitch in excitement. He leans down and kisses the tip of your nose before he pulls away. “God, I love you, baby.” 

And he did. He loved you so much.

[bunnys-kisses]

little mouse - simon "ghost" riley

pairing: simon 'ghost' riley x reader rating: 18+summary: Simon Riley never thought about legacy. The idea of carrying on his ‘lineage’. He was a man on a mission, there was no time to settle down and have a couple of brats running around. The idea of being a father didn’t really sound too enticing, in a way he didn’t think he’d even be a GOOD father. So he simply ignored the idea. That was until he met you. tags: dark themes, breeding/pregnancy kink, dub/non-con, he won't take no as an answer, mating press, dirty talk, dacryphilia, delusional!ghost, choking, rough sex, 3.3k words

a/n: this is a work of fiction. read at your own risk.

join my discord! (18+)

 

 Simon Riley never thought about legacy. The idea of carrying on his ‘lineage’. He was a man on a mission, there was no time to settle down and have a couple of brats running around. The idea of being a father didn’t really sound too enticing, in a way he didn’t think he’d even be a GOOD father. So he simply ignored the idea. That was until he met you.

The cute little private that scurried around base like a little mouse. And while Simon had never caught a mouse, there was no time like the present to do so. You were simply so small, he wondered if he’d even fit inside of you. But he had plans if it didn’t work like that. But, he’d make sure he could at least get the tip in. He wanted to feel that sweet heat around him.

Such a fragile little thing, he could easily break you. One wrong move and you’d be painted black and blue. If he grabbed you too hard, he could break your arm, smack your ass too hard and leave you with broken blood vessels. There was just too much that he could do. And a sick part of him wanted to do it all. But his main drive was to make sure that the womb was stuffed.

When he has some alone time, he’d often fantasize about you. He thought of your sweet scent, your tight cunt. The noises you’d make, how flushed you’d get. As he pleasured himself, he thought about bullying your cunt. He wanted to make you scream as he filled you to your brim.

He wanted to bruise your spongy cervix and make sure no other man could ever paint your insides white. That was a task for him and him alone. He’d make sure that you wouldn’t dare to THINK about other men. You were his and he’d do everything in his power to make sure that you were reminded of that. Even if you didn’t know it yet.

The sheer thought of you changing on a fundamental level to carry his child. The change in every sense of the word, from single to a mother. The leftover pregnancy fat at your hips, the heaviness of your breasts. Even your brain would change. And the thought of his little mouse swollen with his (many) children, left him aching for more.

Even as he finished on his fist, with his breath ragged, he yearned for you. And it was only a matter of time before he went mouse trapping.

-

Turns out he could catch a mouse with a nice treat. He had found out about your sweet tooth and led you back to his quarters. He had enough when he watched you take the sweet out of his palm with your mouth. His blood boiled with a sexual rush.

With the candy in your mouth, he grabbed you by the hair and titled your head back so you met face to face with him. His voice was low as he said, “You think you can tease me?”

You whimpered, “It was a joke, lieutenant.” So vulnerable, so small.

He chuckled darkly, “I think you’re lying. I see you around base, and I have to say I think you’re teasing’ me. Makin’ me look like an idiot as you run around base. I bet you’re sleeping’ with other men. Slut.”

You whined, “Please! I’m not!”

 “I think you are.” He heard you bite down on the candy in fear. He got closer and started to pull at your pants. He felt his cock twitch in his own pants as he struggled to get your clothes off. He swore he could hear your heartbeat from where he was. You were scared, good.

  “Please, Lieutenant Ghost. Please!” You practically squeaked. You tried to push him away but he only got closer. He dragged you as he took your pants off.

He grabbed your hair once more and glared down at you. His chest rapidly rose and fell. “Be good, little mouse. You better take me like a good girl, because if you don’t you’ll tear.”

You had tears in your eyes and felt him wipe them away with the calloused palm of his other hand. You sniffled, “Please, sir. I’m not trying to tease you. Don’t hurt me.”

He delicately kissed your forehead, “I could never hurt you. But I can’t promise that my cock won’t stretch you out. That’s why you gotta be good for me.” His voice was a low purr as he laid you out on the bed. The bag of candies had been cast to the side as he got on top of you.

You swallowed back fear, the tears came and he licked a stray one away off of your cheek. For a moment you thought about running to the closest commander. But who was going to believe you? You were nothing but a mouse, and Simon was the phantom that could burn this entire base down if he so desired. No one would believe that the shadow, the ghost, would ruin a sweet little private.

You felt your throat tighten as you let out a quiet sob.

He got you out of your clothes, you were more agreeable now. You understood that you were under Simon. You were his little mouse. The one who had every intention of knocking up, even if you didn't exactly consent to it.

The idea of you swollen with his child turned him on, it made his stomach tighten from the mental image. He loomed over you, his breathing heavy from the course of euphoria in his system.

A life away from combat, somewhere his precious wife could have their family. He'd keep you full, all you had to do was keep giving him little brats. He grit his teeth as he stared down at you.

You were shaking like a leaf, you were scared of what was going to come next. He already had you naked. You felt your heart in your throat, you couldn't even scream for help.

  “My mouse.' he said, ”So small.“ He brushed his clothed cock up against you and shuddered, ”I could break you and it wouldn't even be that hard.“ His voice was low, ”You need to be kept safe. Somewhere quiet.“

You frowned, ”I am strong.“

The corner of his mouth turned upwards, ”I bet. I bet everyone has told you your entire life that you were a strong woman who didn't need any man.“ He pinned your arms over your head, ”But I know better. You'd be happier with a husband and a big piece of land.“ He kissed your bare neck.

You whimpered and squirmed in his grasp, but there was no escaping him. Simon Riley had gotten his talons into you and he was not letting go. You squirmed more as you felt his hot breath against your neck.

  ”These hands aren't meant to kill.“ He growled, you could feel the calluses on his palm, ”They're meant to wrangle my kids and bake bread.“ He chuckled softly.

  ”I can kill.“ You said it was almost too innocent.

He barked out a loud, which made you jump, ”Sure thing, sweetheart. I bet it would be so easy for you to get out of this mess and fight me off.“ He pressed his hardened cock further against you, ”That's probably why you're fuckin' other men. In the hopes they'd protect ya. But don't worry, little mousey, I'll keep you safe.“

You whimpered, ”I never slept with anyone on base.“

He looked at you once more, “Well. If that's true then I guess my job will be a little easier. Knowing' that my swimmers are the only ones in you.”

  “Please, Sir.” You whimpered, “We can pretend like this never happened. I promise not to tell a soul!”

He laughed again, those sharp eyes glared down at you, “Why would we want to pretend this didn't happen? Do you not want to remember the night we made our first brat?”

You felt a twist in your gut. You had gone off birth control when you joined so you didn't have to worry about maintaining the schedule of taking it. Without any other protection there was a high chance that he could actually knock you up.

You tried to kick him off but he was just solid muscle that it was like kicking a wall. You started to cry which only made the man pinning you down groan.

  “Cryin' is not going to help, lovie. If I don't get you now, you'll slip away and into another man's arms. Now relax, I'll take care of everything.”

He took off his own clothes, the sight of his large cock made you freeze. He chuckled at the expression on your face. Once he was bare he kept you pinned to the bed once more.

 “Like what you see?” He asked.

You looked up to him again, there was worry in your eyes. You swallowed before you spoke, “it's not going to fit.” You felt a surge of anxiety rush through you. Something like that was not going to fit in your tight hole. 

He nodded, “It will. Pussies can take a hell of a beatin'. I told you if you were good I'd make sure that I took my time so I didn't tear you.“

  ”It will tear anyway.“ You replied.

  ”I wouldn't worry about your little head, my little mouse. Just don't tense when I put it in.“ He replied as he rubbed the top of your head before he got back on his heels and grabbed your hips.

You felt so perfect in his grasp. Sometimes sso delicate and tiny against him. You were perfect, even if you were so small. Maybe he wouldn't bruise you. But he would still breed you, bruise that poor cervix of yours.

 “You're a good girl.” He said, “You know how to behave.” He brushed his fingers through your hair. You gazed up at him with concern, “I'll make sure nothing hurts you.”

You braced for impact as he went to guide his cock into you. You squeezed your face and tensed up. It made him groan as he couldn't even get the tip in.

  “Now, girlie. You better relax, or I'm finding another hole to fuck and I don't have any lube.” He growled.

You held onto the bed under you and took a shaky breath. This was happening. The litenutant was going to fuck you lie a second rate whore in the hopes of getting you knocked up for his sick carnal need to breed.

He watched you relax before he tried again. He shuddered as he managed to get an inch in. It felt like the wind was knocked out of him.

You looked up at him once more, trying to keep yourself together to not squeeze too tight. You were being violated by a much larger man, but yet you were soaked between your legs. The more he pushed in, the more you felt it in the deepest parts of you.

By the time he had all of his cock inside of you, it felt like it was in the back of your throat. He was so big, you didn't know how he did not get light headed when he got an erection.

  “Good girl.” He growled. He hunched over you and kept you pinned to the bed by your hips. He loved the chubbiness to your thighs and hips, a squishiness that made his heart skip. You were a perfect woman.

  “Please pull out.” You gave it one last feeble attempt.

He chuckled as he gazed into your eyes, “No, no. Gotta add a little more fat to your belly. Gotta keep the brats nice and protected.” He leaned in further and began to make out with you as he moved you so your knees were to your chest and your pussy was facing upwards.

He had you squished between his large body and the creaky bed. The kiss was heavy and wet, his tongue explored your mouth. While in other scenarios it would've been sweet, but not when the power dynamic was uneven and you had little say in what was happening.

But he thought that the position was perfect, a way to make sure every drop stayed in you. The thought made his cock twitch inside of you.

  “Ah, Sir.” You whimpered.

He chuckled, his lips close to you. But then he pulled you back in for another searing kiss. His pace began to pick up as he kept you under him.

You were becoming so perfect. He couldn't wait to mark your insides with his cum. To paint you as his. Hopefully today would be his lucky day and it would be the day he got you pregnant.

You whimpered against him and laid there. His cock was so thick, it felt like someone was trying to fuck you with a bottle. Every hard thrust made the air leave you lungs, and it was hard to put more air in as he kept kissing you.

He wanted to keep you quiet. He didn't need his wife to squeal on him. He couldn't let the mouse leave the trap. The bed creaked under you and you breathed rapidly through your nose.

When he pulled away, he placed a strong hand over your neck and kept you pinned to the bed. You made a strangled noise as he picked up the pace. You could feel the blood rush to your head and he thought that was perfect.

His cock was heavy inside of you, his balls slapped against your ass as he kept you in the mating press. His erection slammed against your womb, you knew you'd ache for days.

This was everything he hoped for.

You let out another strangled noise and he told you to keep quiet. You tried to complain but he tightened his hand a little tighter around your throat.

  “No one needs to know how well you take cock.” He growled.

  “Please, Sir... Mister Ghost, please.” You whimpered.

  “No, no, my little mouse. I caught you fair and square. All it took were a few candies and I had you right where I needed ya. You're too trusting.” He said, “You should be somewhere safe with a man who can protect you.”

You pouted at him, “Please. I am strong.”

  “I know you are. Only a strong woman can give me kids. But you are just a little mouse. And I'm going to eat you up and breed you.” The last of the sentence dripped off his tongue like poison as he continued to thrust.

You felt every thrust in your bones, every inch of his cock stretched your pussy. It was painful but your body betrayed you and found pleasure in it. It felt sickening but there was no stopping the ghost.

It was hard to breathe with your knees to your chest. With him rearranging your abdomen. His attempts to batter your cervix left you feeling achy. It hurt but it also made your head swim with a sick wanton lust that made you almost angry with yourself.

Maybe it was a way to rationalize what he was doing to you. But as you stared at his scarred face, those dark eyes gazing at you as he pushed up into your body. You thought to yourself, at least if you had a husband like him, you'd always be safe. And maybe your kids would be cute.

It Was his words getting into your mind but it was hard to think of much else as he abused your sex. His cock invaded your womb and shaped it so it was perfect for his cock.

  “Don't worry, sweetheart, you'll get looser after the first few kids.' He grumbled in your ear as he continued to move.

You squirmed as you felt your backside grow numb from the position, ”Please, sir.“

  ”Be good.“ He said gruffly.

  ”Don't get me pregnant.“

  ”Too late.“ He said quietly, ”You're mine. You, me and all the brats you can pump out. You're not going anywhere. No need for all this training, just be a good wife and let your husband fuck you.“

It was as if Simon was delusional. But it was hard to keep a man like that away, not when they possessed so much power. He could snap your neck or break your legs if he really tried.

You should've never followed him back. You shouldn't have been such a silly, stupid little mouse and gotten yourself stuck in a trap. Because this was what it was, baby trapping.  

He was going to trap you with him. There was no escaping after this, even if you weren't pregnant. He'd simply take what he wanted and man handle you into sex again. He was a man on a mission, just like on the field.

The thrusts became erratic, he could feel the twist of pleasure in his gut as he fucked you. His breathing grew heavier as did yours. He licked his lips at the sight of the bruises on your body from how he handled you.

There was no denying what he did.

  ”Gonna be a good girl and let me breed you. Fuck all that need to be independant out of you.“ He growled, ”Make you a nice petty, pregnant wife.“

You nodded meekly, your cheeks were flushed, your body was bruised inside and out. You were going to be sore even before you found out you were pregnant.

 ”Good girl.“ He patted the side of your face, ”Good fuckin' girl.“

He continued to thrust into you, the bed moved against the wall with each thrust. The heat between you two left you hot all over.

You panted wildly and squeezed your eyes shut as your body betrayed you once more and you orgasmed. You clung onto the covers under you and let out a sharp exhale as you came.

Your cunt tightened around his cock and it was enough to send him over the edge and climax himself. As he rode out his orgasm, his pace slowed down. Soon he was still with his softened, yet still impressive cock inside of you.

You whined as you tried to lay fully out of the bed. But he kept your hips up to make sure every drop slid into your womb. He gripped your hips and started to move once more.

  ”No, please. I've had enough.“

  ”Too bad, lovie. I've gotten a taste for you and I'm not stopping until my balls are empty.“ He slapped your ass and you whined.

So much for a future in the military. You guessed you'd have to live with a military wife.

-

It had been a year since you left the military, since then your belly had gotten an impressive shape to it. It took a lot of work, but you ended up pregnant with Simon's baby.

Currently you were facing the door of your bedroom with your pussy stretched around your husband's cock. His hands were on your belly.

Large calloused hands were feeling up the slope of your pregnant belly. He loved the heft to it. He was told it was going to be quite a large baby when it comes out.

 ”Ah, sir.“ You gasped.

Some habits die hard.

  ”That's it, sweetheart. Keep workin' those hips.“ He encouraged. He groaned through a tense jaw as he felt the underside of your belly.

 ”Please, ah!“

 ”Perfect.“ He groaned, ”Gonna keep you pregnant for a long time.“ He chuckled softly to himself.

You whimpered, ”Please, I love you.“ You sounded so desperate.

At the end of the day, the little mouse had learned to love her trap. And in return she got a nice round belly to show her love.

xoxo, bunny

[pintrestgrl]

loved your bsf!jj drabble!!!!! maybe a little drunken love confession from bsf!jj … and reader thinks its lowkey too good to be true bc she’s been yearning forever… but when they both sober up jj is like !!! i meant wtf i said !

hi i wrote this and then it completely disappeared. sigh. also im sorry if this is bad, i was half asleep bc i spent forever writing it the first time.

also i’m sorry for being inactive yesterday i was so so stressed nd had cramps and was dying… but hi !! hope u like this anon 🥹

note: after writing this, i rlly don’t like it. but i pray u guys do 😞

drunk!bsf!jj x pogue!reader.

“here, drink this.”

you spoke, shoving a glass of water into jj’s chest, sitting down next to him on the couch of the chateau.

he was clearly very wasted, and you were only a slight bit tipsy.

you two had both went out to the boneyard together, the rest of the group out doing god knows what.

he rambled on about not wanting to drink it, before giving in and chugging the clear liquid.

“thank god, you’re annoying when you’re drunk.”

“no, ‘m not. you are.”

“at least i’m not sloppy wasted, unlike somebody.”

“whatever. guilty by association.”

he spoke, slurring his words and laughing drunkenly.

“i’m not associated with you, you wish.”

“you’re my bestfriend, of course you are.”

he spoke, rolling his eyes amused at your denying.

you managed to let out a fake chuckle, silently cringing inside as he called you that. were you really only his ‘friend’ to him?

you wished to be so much more, and he had no idea whatsoever.

you were snapped out of your thoughts by his voice, drunkenly rambling again.

“thanks for the water. that was like, kinda sweet.”

“sweet?” you question, laughing as you furrowed your brows.

“yeah. you’re a sweet girl, i swear.”

you opened your mouth to protest, before being interrupted before you got the chance.

“you’re kinda pretty too.”

you froze at his words.

pretty?

that’s the last word you thought jj would use to describe you; at least to your face.

“what?”

“actually, no. you are pretty. very pretty.”

“jj, you’re drunk.”

“yeah, i am. and you’re pretty. probably beautiful if i could think right now.”

“you don’t mean that.”

“no, i do. i definitely do. i don’t know why you don’t have a boyfriend. or why i’m too dumb to ask you out.”

you were completely baffled at this point, trying to find any truth in his words. and to your surprise, he sounded genuine. drunk, but genuine.

you had liked him forever, and this was the most he’d ever showed any reciprocation.

you were always too scared to say anything, afraid of his rejection and what it would do to your friendship.

so, you opted for having some of him, rather then none at all.

“do you even understand a word you’re saying?”

you spoke, desperately needing to know if he was just drunkenly saying bullshit, or revealing the truth of how he felt.

“yeah, i do. you’re a sweet girl who is too pretty to not have a boyfriend. i mean, god. your face is perfect.”

“jj, shut up. stop.”

“no, you shut up. let me talk. i think i like you.”

“i’d hope so, considering i’m your bestfriend.”

“no, no. like actually like you. like seriously.”

you desperately were trying to deny his words, convincing yourself this was a dream and you needed to wake up.

“you think you like me?”

“no, i actually know i do. like a lot.

“jay, you’re joking.”

he scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“can you let me be serious about one thing in my life? i mean, god. i’m not joking. i’m serious. serious about this, about you.”

you could tell he was probably getting agitated the way you kept denying him, the way his mood shifted from amusedly drunk, to pissed off.

“why don’t you sleep the ‘liking me’ off, yeah?”

it took a while, but you convinced him to just go to bed. and as he layed in the next room over, you couldn’t get over his words.

was he trying to get in your pants because he was wasted, or was he serious about liking you?

you knew the thought would keep you up all night if you let it, so you decided to drop it from your brain, drifting off to a light sleep.

next morning.

you woke up groggily, a slight hangover lingering on your body. once you registered everything, you decided to go to the room next door, consisting of a likely just as hungover jj.

you opened the door, sitting on john b’s his bed, silently shaking him awake.

you knew he’d probably get all mad, but you needed him to help you clear the lingering thought in your head.

he groaned, mumbling a sleepy short sentence.

“what do you need?”

“can we talk?”

“speak or forever hold your peace, stupid.”

you rolled your eyes at his tired insult, reluctantly continuing with your words.

“uh— last night, you told me some stuff. like that you liked me, thought i was pretty and stuff. were you serious?”

he shot up as the words spilled out, immediately sitting against the headboard.

“i told you that?”

“yeah, you did.”

“shit— um, well yeah. kinda. in a way.”

“kinda?”

“no. not kinda.”

he said, rubbing a hand over his face.

he spoke again, sounding embarrassed.

“yes. i did. i meant it. every word. ‘m sorry. i didn’t mean to— jesus, fuck.”

“no, it’s fine, uh— i ‘kinda’ like you too.”

you said, letting the words come out before you thought about their weight.

“kinda? you’re serious?”

“yes, i’m serious. and not kinda, i didn’t mean that. i like you a lot.”

“shut up.”

“i’m serious, i do.”

“well, why the fuck didn’t you tell me?”

“i don’t know. i was nervous.”

a silence filled the room, not awkward. just waiting for someone to figure out the right thing to say.

finally, jj spoke.

“uh— i’m like really hungover.”

you rolled your eyes at the subject change, finding it just like him to do something like that.

“that’s what your gonna say?”

“no, fuck—sorry. can you just sleep in here with me so i can think straight after?”

“you could’ve just said that.”

“well, i just did, didn’t i?”

“i guess. and yeah, i can. scoot over.”

he awkwardly listened to your demand, not used to the feeling of you knowing about his thoughts of you.

you both fell unconscious soon after, unknowingly shiftinging your bodies closer as you slept.

you slept for another hour or two, limbs tangled and intertwined together as your mind tried to decipher if this was a dream, or if your head was really resting on your bestfriends chest.

[norman-fucking-reedus]

Daryl Dixon, born to be a sweet mamas boy but forced into severe mommy issues. I will literally bury myself in this grave

Like okay sure the bad biker boy with a dominant streak is hot or whatever but realistically under all those layers of steel and dirt there’s nothing but a damaged boy.

I think about Daryl dating a woman of a motherly nature and how it would utterly fuck with his head. She’s more on the traditional side and usually expresses her love through cooking as well as baking.

At first, he doesn’t like any of it at all. The way you always want to cook for him when he literally didn’t ask you really bothers him, to the point he found himself not eating whatever you made out of sheer stubbornness, not knowing each plate was your indirect way of affection.

He doesn’t like the way you persistently try and get him to talk to you, because why do you even care? Sometimes the two of you will argue and Daryl will just storm away after a string of insults. He feels so gulity afterwards, especially when he knows that he really does need someone to talk to.

The hugs are the worst. The way you suddenly hug him makes his skin burn and he fucking hates it. Not physically, but he pushes you away. It’s what he wants of course, to not be around you and your forced niceness.

It’s what he wants of course, to be alone by himself. No background noises or smells. He can’t hear the way you passionately move around the kitchen or smell the mouthwatering smell of whatever you’re making. That’s what he wants.

When he comes back from a long run, so obviously shaken up and disturbed, there’s nobody to try and pry as to what happened even though he knows he needs to get it off his chest. That’s what he wants of course. He doesn’t need comfort, no. He never did. Never ever.

So why did he need it now?

Daryl thinks about you and how you did so much for him without him even lifting a finger, how you willingly put in the effort and he just threw it all back into your face without a second thought. He thinks about how hurt you he must’ve left you all the times he flat out refused even your prettiest dishes.

He thinks about the concern that etches your face when you practically beg him to talk to you, beg him to tell you what’s wrong so you can maybe help him. Daryl feels his chest tighten when he thinks of how he downright pushed you out his life, and feels a lump forming in his throat when he realizes that he needs you.

He was alone with only himself and his thoughts, ones that frightened him to his very core. He thinks about your hugs and how he yearns to feel the burn of his skin against yours.

Daryl wants to go to you, but he’s scared. He’s scared that you’ve already moved on and found someone better, someone worthy of a woman like you. He scared that you won’t want him anymore yet here he stands, nervously on your porch.

He’s not ready, no event in his life could have prepared him for this. He knocks with a shaky fist and can hear the sounds of his quick breathing.

The door opens just as widely as it always has, you standing there in your apron covered in flour. He thinks about turning around, you’re obviously busy with things much more important with him. As he opens his mouth to speak, you cup his face gently with soft floury hands as if insecpting it.

“Somethings bothering you”

Daryl nods, and he feels like he could melt into your hands.

You usher him inside, closing the front door and shuffling to the couch, dismissing his silent questions about his shoes. He joins you on the couch with a little space between you, he’s not sure how angry you are with him.

Daryl wants to apologize, he wants to beg for you to let him try again and let him do it right this time, but he just can’t find the words, twiddling nervously with his fingers in his lap. You watch him for a moment, reading his limited body movement before reaching up and brushing away a tear Daryl didn’t even know fell.

“Tell me what’s hurting you” You whispered, voice warm and comforting as your fingers danced across his cheek.

He found himself choking on the words, stuttering them out as he slightly flinched away from the contact although he desperately wanted it. “M-m’sorry. Fer being a dick to ya��� Daryl mumbled, leaning back towards your hand. “I jus- I got scared”

You raised a brow. “You? Scared? Scared of me?”

He nodded. “I don’ understand wha’ ya want from me”

“I don’t want anything from you, Daryl… I just wanna take care of you and be there for you”

“Why? Why someone like me?” Daryl scoffed. “M’nobody”

“You’re somebody to me” You whispered.

“Wha’ did I do to deserve ya? Ya don’ even know me” He turned to you, the tip of his nose a light red and his eyes glassy.

You took his face between your hands once again, placing a soft kiss to his forehead. “But I do. I see it, Daryl. I can see all the hurt you’ve been through, everything you’ve pushed away, down, all of it. All you’ve ever known is pain and my sweet boy, I’m gonna take it all away for you” You smiled, pressing your forehead against his.

Daryl’s heart pounded so hard that he feared it would exploded, more full of love than its ever had the chance to be. You held him as if he was made of the most fragile glass, brushing your nose against his as he sniffled.

“I love you” Daryl suddenly blurted, because he had denied himself of the truth for so long. He wanted to be with you, wanted you to take care of him.

You gave him another smile, this time placing a gentle kiss to his chapped lips. “And I love you too. Say, I was in the middle of making a cobbler, but I just don’t have anyone to lick the spoon…”

Daryl raised a brow. “Is it peach?”

“Only cobbler I know how ta make” You tugged him off the couch, and he followed you into your beloved kitchen, stepping foot into it for the first time. He thinks about all the times he watched you twirl around, cooking something with love only for him to completely disregard it. The thought made him visibly upset. “Something wrong?”

“Jus’ wish I appreciated yer cookin’ more s’all” He mumbled, regret written on his face, even more when a twinge of hurt painted yours. It was clear as day his past actions really did hurt you.

There was an awkward moment of silence, before you handed Daryl a peach. “As long as you appreciate it now” He could almost cry from how many chances you willingly give you, chances he just didn’t deserve.

“Yeah. M’gon appreciate you too, how I should’ve from tha’ very start” Daryl whispered, biting into one of the sweetest peaches he’s ever had.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

oof I made myself cry and this isn’t even that good 😕😕

｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★

[astroa3h]

Lilith Through the Signs ✨

Let’s talk about Lilith, because she’s that dark, seductive part of your chart that you’re probably a little afraid to look at, but trust me—you need to. In astrology, Lilith shows us the hidden, raw parts of our psyche, the things we suppress or even deny. She’s our wild side, our deepest desires, and sometimes, our untapped rage. Wherever Lilith is in your chart, she brings out this primal energy that cannot be tamed. And let me tell you, she doesn't play nice. You’re going to feel it. If you don’t confront her, she’ll push until you have no choice. 

If Lilith is in Aries, then honey, you’re all about raw, impulsive energy. Lilith in Aries doesn’t ask permission. You fight for independence at any cost, and sometimes, that can mean bulldozing through life without thinking about the consequences. People might call you selfish, but really, you’re just unapologetically you. You struggle with authority and anyone telling you what to do. In relationships, this placement is about the constant power struggle. You want freedom, but you also crave someone who can handle your intensity. Here’s the thing: you have to learn how to channel that fire without burning everything down. Maybe take up martial arts or something that lets you express your aggression in a healthy way.

With Lilith in Taurus, you are drawn to the pleasures of life, the sensual side of things. It’s about indulging—whether that’s in food, sex, or luxury. But here’s the shadow side: you can become possessive, even obsessive, about holding onto what you have. You want security so badly that you might cling to things (and people) that are no longer good for you. This placement craves comfort, but you can get stuck in your comfort zone, unwilling to let go even when it’s time. In your love life, you’ll likely attract relationships that push you to confront your fear of losing what you hold dear. Learn to trust that true security comes from within. You don’t need to hoard it; it’s already yours.

Lilith in Gemini? Oh boy, you are a master of words, and you know exactly how to twist them to get what you want. But watch out, because this placement can make you feel like you’re always wearing a mask. You can say all the right things, but inside, there’s a part of you that feels unseen and unheard. You’ll attract people who are intrigued by your mind, but they might not get the real you. In relationships, it’s all about mental connection, but sometimes you use communication as a weapon. You can be manipulative when you want to be, and if you’re not careful, you’ll push people away with your mind games. The key here? Be honest. Be vulnerable. You’re smart enough to know when someone isn’t on your level, but that doesn’t mean you have to hide behind cleverness.

With Lilith in Cancer, you’re dealing with deep emotional wounds. There’s a part of you that craves nurturing but also resents it at the same time. You might have grown up feeling like you had to be the caretaker, even when you weren’t ready. And now? You have a hard time letting anyone take care of you. You build emotional walls, but inside, you’re yearning for someone to break them down. In relationships, you might sabotage things when they start to feel too safe, because deep down, you’re scared of being abandoned. Your healing comes when you stop looking for that motherly figure in other people and start giving yourself the care you need. You have to learn that vulnerability is not a weakness.

If Lilith is in Leo, girl, you’re the queen—and you know it. You want to be admired, adored, worshipped, but you also fear that you’re never enough. This is a placement where ego and insecurity collide. You want the spotlight, but you’re terrified of what people will see when they look too close. Relationships become about power. You want someone who puts you on a pedestal, but the second they don’t, you’re out. The challenge here is learning that your worth doesn’t depend on external validation. When you own your power without needing applause from the crowd, you’ll find that the right people are drawn to your light.

Lilith in Virgo brings a complicated relationship with control. You strive for perfection in everything, but the more you try to control, the more things slip through your fingers. You might have a tendency to obsess over the details—whether it’s your appearance, your work, or your relationships. But this perfectionism is exhausting. You attract situations where you’re forced to confront the idea that control is an illusion. The real work is in letting go. In love, you might feel like no one is ever good enough for you, or worse, that you’re never good enough. But the truth is, you don’t have to fix anyone, least of all yourself. Your healing comes from accepting the messiness of life.

Lilith in Libra? Oh, this is a tricky one because you want harmony and balance, but deep down, you might feel like you’re constantly at war with yourself. You attract people who reflect your shadow side, and it’s easy to lose yourself in relationships. You want to please others so badly that you forget your own needs, and then you resent them for it. This placement has to learn how to set boundaries and stop giving away power just to keep the peace. In love, you might find yourself drawn to partners who are controlling or manipulative, and it’s because you’re not owning your own power. Stand up for yourself. Relationships are meant to be equal, not a battleground.

If your Lilith is in Scorpio, honey, you’ve got intensity for days. This is one of the most powerful Lilith placements, but it also comes with deep emotional wounds around trust and betrayal. You crave deep, soul-shattering connections, but you’re also terrified of being vulnerable. In love, you attract relationships that push you to confront your darkest fears—jealousy, obsession, control. The challenge for you is to let go of the need to dominate. You’re not going to lose your power by being vulnerable. In fact, true power comes from letting others see the real you, scars and all. The key here is to trust that you won’t be destroyed by love. It’s transformative, not destructive.

Lilith in Sagittarius is about freedom—wild, uncontained freedom. You’re always looking for the next adventure, the next thrill, and you can’t stand to be tied down. But here’s the thing: running from commitment isn’t going to fill that void inside. You attract situations where you feel like your wings are being clipped, but it’s because you’re not allowing yourself to fully engage. You might avoid deep connections because you’re afraid they’ll hold you back. In relationships, you crave freedom, but you also want someone who understands your need for independence. Your journey is about finding a way to commit without feeling caged. Trust that you can have both stability and freedom.

If Lilith is in Capricorn, you’re all about power and control. You crave success, but deep down, you fear failure more than anything. You’ll push yourself to the brink just to prove you’re worthy, but this placement often comes with a deep sense of insecurity. You might feel like no matter how much you achieve, it’s never enough. In relationships, you attract people who challenge your need for control, and it forces you to confront the fact that true success isn’t about power—it’s about vulnerability. Learn to let go of the idea that you have to be the one in control all the time. It’s okay to let someone else take the lead. You’ll find that it makes you stronger, not weaker.

With Lilith in Aquarius, you’re the rebel. You don’t like being told what to do, and you’re always pushing against the grain. But this can also make you feel like an outsider, like you don’t belong. You attract relationships where you feel like you have to sacrifice your individuality, but deep down, you know that’s not the answer. Your challenge is to find a way to be in a relationship without losing yourself. Don’t be afraid to stand out. The world needs your unique vision. In love, you might push people away because you’re afraid of being controlled, but real freedom comes from allowing yourself to be fully seen.

Finally, Lilith in Pisces is a placement of deep emotional sensitivity. You feel everything, and sometimes, that can be overwhelming. You might have a tendency to escape through fantasy or avoidance because reality feels too harsh. But this placement also gives you incredible intuition. You attract relationships where you feel like you’re drowning in emotions, and it can be hard to find your footing. The key here is to set boundaries—emotional boundaries. You don’t have to take on other people’s pain as your own. Your healing comes when you learn to stay grounded in reality while still honoring your deeply spiritual side. Embrace your empathy, but don’t let it consume you.

xoxo Ash 💓 Get your own reading at astroash.net

[mermaidgirl30]

✨Dark Shades of Innocence Lost Part 6: Keep Me From Falling✨

Club Owner! Joel Miller x fem! reader

Series Masterlist

A/N: I have been writing this one on and off for a little over a month, and it was a lot! Be prepared for an emotional rollercoaster and please pay attention to those tags. This one gets dark. Thank you to @lotusbxtch for being the best beta and making this chapter shine! 🥰 I would like as much feedback on this chapter, so don’t be afraid to reblog or comment because your comments are what sparks my writing 🩷

Chapter Summary: After fighting your feelings for weeks, you decide to go back to the club. Back to those dark shades of red where brown eyes pull you under and feelings become much more than you bargained for.

Word Count: 14.1k

Rating: Explicit 18+ only MDNI

Chapter Tags: A lot of angst, jealousy, so many feelings, yearning, anxiety, toxic ex, flashbacks of physical abuse and trauma, soft Joel, protective Joel, no use y/n, a lot of tears, fist fight, I don’t want to put any spoilers so I will omit some of the tags, switching POVs

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

  The flashing red lights outside Club Inferno shine bright against the glow of the full moon. A brisk breeze cuts through the humid air, blowing through your long waves and kissing your bare shoulders. It sinks underneath the dark blue summer dress that clings to your figure. Your body hums with nerves, with need. You want Joel. 

   Joel, Joel, Joel. 

   He’s all you think about, he’s all you want to think about. Even at work, when you should be focusing on organizing bookshelves and paperwork, your mind always goes to him. 

   Sure, maybe at first you didn’t want a relationship, didn’t want to blur the lines. But you liked him, you really liked him. And you’re not sure when that line got crossed, but you were ready. Ready to take it to the next level. Needed to. You needed more. More of him. 

   So, now was your chance to make that happen, to tell him exactly what you wanted from him. A relationship. It was what you always wanted. You were just so scared to let your walls down again, but for him you would. For Joel you’d do just about anything.

   If you didn’t… well, you’ve already lost him once. You’re not sure if you can lose him again.

   When you reach the glossy black doors and step through after getting your ID checked, you see the club is buzzing with crowds of people tonight. The music is loud and blaring, even upstairs is jam-packed with bodies. But you only came here for one thing tonight: Joel Miller.

   You stop at the corner of the bar, brushing your hand against the sleek bar top and run your hand against the cool material. Scanning the crowd, you look for the handsome man that stands out amongst the rest. The man with the dark brown eyes that makes every single nerve ending vibrate inside you every time you set your eyes on him. That smoldering, captivating, charming man that sets your heart on fire. 

   A couple of girls in skimpy dresses get up from their bar stools and leave you room to see the rest of the crowd at the bar. Fresh faces of men and women you haven’t seen here before cross your sight until you get to the very end of the bar. Your heart gets stuck in your throat when you see it. 

   Right there at the very end of the bar top sits Joel, all muscle in a button-up crimson flannel with the top three buttons undone to expose his broad chest, dark hair peeking out of the open shirt. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, accentuating the defined veins that wrap around his forearms, and the black watch clasped on his left wrist just sets it off even more. But what paralyzes you is the fact that he’s sitting at the bar with another woman. Someone who isn’t you.

   Her big, blonde curls fall around her pink blush-filled cheeks, and her tight red dress exposes large breasts that spill from the top of the low cut design. Red lips purse and laugh as she beams at Joel every time she brushes her hand against his fist that’s clenched around an amber glass of whiskey. 

   Two weeks without him and he’s already wrapped around another woman’s finger. Go fucking figure. You told him it was all just for fun, but it never really was that to you, was it?

   Your blood runs cold and you feel as if you just got hit with a metal bat against the back of the head. You tightly dig your manicured nails into the bar top. It feels as if a sharp knife slices deep into your back, slowly carving against your spine as it splits you in half. 

   Another light touch to his hand as she leans over to whisper in his ear sets your nerves on fire. You watch him laugh; that crooked smile that makes you dizzy every time you look at it now eats away at your insides. You can’t watch this. You can’t fucking do this tonight. He was supposed to be yours, but you’re too late…

   You feel a hot prick against the back of your eyes as your vision blurs, fiery tears bleeding into your eyeliner as you back up, your hand still clutching the bar top. You don’t watch where you’re going, and an entire glass of some kind of alcohol slides off the bar top and onto the floor, shattering and sloshing liquid as it splashes against your black high heels. 

   The crowd around the bar goes silent as they all turn to face you, but what stuns you into place is when Joel looks up and sees you standing there looking like a lost puppy. Your bottom lip quivers as you blink back tears, staring between him and the blonde girl that can’t keep her fucking hands off him. 

   His eyes grow wide as he looks at you stunned, immediately standing up from his bar stool as he pushes back the woman’s hand that reaches for him once again. His broad shoulders roll back as his full attention is on you, and then he’s moving fast, calling your name over the loud music as his voice gets washed out by the blaring noise. 

   You turn and push through the crowd, clawing your way blindly to a safe space where maybe you can breathe air that isn’t polluted again. You feel nailed to the wooden floor, chains ripping into your ankles as you force your legs to keep going. Joel calls your name, but you don’t stop to turn back around. You’ll break down in tears if you stop now. So you keep going, dragging your heavy feet until you reach the double doors and barrel your way outside. 

   The night air stills around you as the full moon shines bright behind fluffy clouds. The quiet parking lot is filled with parked cars, but everyone is inside. Not a soul stands outside besides you. That is, until Joel comes crashing through the double doors and calls your name again loudly. 

   “Hey, stop!” Joel yells out of breath as you hear his boots scuff across the pavement. “Didn’t you hear me callin’ your name?” 

   You turn around, crossing your arms over your chest and putting on a brave face, not letting him see the tears that scorch behind your sad eyes. “Guess not,” you mumble as you look down at the dusty cement. 

   “Hey, will you jus’ stop?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows as the lines on his forehead scrunch together intently. You shake your head and don’t answer, but he doesn’t like that at all. “Angel, talk to me.”

   “Don’t call me angel,” you mumble as you retreat a step back from his advances. 

   He takes a step forward and reaches out an arm to try to catch you. When he curls his calloused fingers over your wrist, you pull it out of his grip and shake him off. “Don’t,” you warn sharply as you turn your head the other direction. 

   You hear Joel huff out in frustration as he fights to compose himself. “It was that girl, wasn’t it? Is that what you’re so worked up about, huh?” 

   You bite your lower lip to keep from screaming and whirl back to him as you fight with yourself not to lose control. You purse your lips and then spill yourself to him. “Oh, I don’t know, Joel. Maybe you should go back to your little date.”

   “It wasn’t a date,” he expresses as his jaw clenches up, “it was jus’ a drink. She came up to me first, and all I did was offer to buy her a drink. She’s an old client of mine, nothing more.”

   “An old client, huh?” you scoff and feel your cheeks burn hot.

   “Yeah. Tommy and I did a job at her company’s site.”

   “I’m sure you did.” You roll your eyes and scrape your heel against the concrete.

   “Angel, I didn’t ask her here tonight. She jus’ showed up unannounced. What you saw was nothing.”

   “Oh, yeah? Then why was she all over you? Did you buy her a drink so you could sleep with her just like you did with me?!” Your voice comes out louder than you wanted it to, but you’re so worked up that you can’t control your flaring nostrils and watery eyes. You can practically taste the stench of regret in your throat. You should’ve never come here, should’ve never messed with a man like him. Tall, dominant, charming, and so goddamn handsome. What the fuck did you think was going to happen?

   “Whoa, easy there, darlin’. I wasn’t gonna sleep with her,” he says carefully as his voice stays even. Almost gentle enough to calm you down a bit, but even that makes you more uneasy. 

   “No? It sure looked like you were enjoying yourself, and she seemed to be all over you,” you spit out venomously, kicking the end of your heel into the hard cement. 

   “Why are you actin’ like this?” he asks, exasperated, his eyebrows knitting together into a hard line. 

   “Acting like what?” You seethe as you entwine your fingers tightly together, desperately trying to anchor yourself.

   “Actin’ jealous! All I did was buy her a drink. If I would’ve known you were comin’ I wouldn’t have even…”

   “Wouldn’t have what? Offered to eat her out on your fucking pool table!” you screech.

   “Jus’ stop!” he growls, making your eyes go wide and your heart hammer impossibly fast in your chest. “Is there somethin’ you want to say?” he asks as his jaw ticks and arches an eyebrow, his dark eyes meeting your gaze. 

   Your voice is suddenly as small as a mouse as you reply, “Say something? No, I…”

   “You’re the one who said you didn’t want more. Remember? I asked you, was willing to give you more. I wanted to give you more. All you had to do was say the words, angel. That’s all you had to do.” 

   He stands there staring at you, eyes locked with yours as you dig your long nails deep into the fabric of your dress, nervous sweat pooling at the edges of your soft curls as you bite your tongue in agony. 

   All you had to do was say the words. Why couldn’t you say those fucking words back in that little diner? What was so goddamn hard about that? You wanted him. You fucking wanted him. So badly that it actually felt like your heart was shattering in your chest. 

   “But you… after that night at the diner, you gave me the cold shoulder,” you finally reply. “You practically iced me out, didn’t ask me to come back to the club, couldn’t text me back, didn’t even…”

   “I was givin’ you space,” Joel interrupts. “I didn’t think… fuck. I didn’t think you wanted to come back!” He rakes a hand slowly through his silver threaded scruff and sighs, cursing under his breath as he stares at you with pure turmoil in his hazy eyes.

   “But I did want to come back! Isn’t that what I showed up for tonight? To see you?” you ask, appalled, eyes red with tears pooling across your glassy irises. 

   “I don’t know, angel, why don’t you tell me!” His voice sounds so angry, so gravelly, so very hurt. And you see it in the flared nostrils and wide eyes. He’s just asking questions which you should’ve answered a long time ago.

   “I didn’t… I didn’t want space. I never did…” Your eyes gloss over, and your bottom lip quivers as you fight to keep yourself in one piece. You want to say something, anything to make this stop, but your words run dry as he stares at you carefully. 

   He looks at you fiercely another moment as he licks his bottom lip in frustration. “Tell me somethin’, will ya? What is it that you want from me?”

   The question comes out almost like a snake just bit your ankle. Alarming, unexpected. “I… uh…” You can’t even formulate a coherent sentence as the words rush through your head. I was willing to give you more. I wanted to give you more. But they remain stuck in your throat, unable to escape.

   He takes two steps forward, adjusting the rolled up sleeves of his red flannel. “What. Do. You. Want?”

   The question taunts you, words building as you try to unjumble them. You can’t think straight, not when his mahogany cologne is burning your nostrils, not when his dark chocolate eyes are honing into yours, not when he’s so close that you want to drop all pretense and jump into his strong arms. But you can’t. It’s not that simple. 

   This is all getting too complicated, and you don’t know how much further you can go without putting yourself into a vulnerable position. You already are in a vulnerable position, so why can’t you just say exactly how you feel?

   After your silence, Joel rakes a hand through his dark, greying scruff and sighs again. “Goddamn it, angel. Jus’ tell me what you want.”

   “I… I….” You fidget and keep your eyes locked on his in a panic.

   For fuck’s sake just tell him what you want! 

   Joel pinches the bridge of his nose as he huffs in defeat. When he looks back up at you, he takes a long, slow breath and nods his head. “I can see this isn’t easy for you. But darlin’, if you don’t tell me what you want then I can’t give you that. Now, do you want me to go walk back into my club and go back to that girl, or…?”

   “No!” you plead as you reach your arm out and grab his wrist, holding it like it’s the only thing that’ll save you from falling to your death. Joel looks down at your hand gripping his tanned skin and looks back up with a mix of grief and hope in his eyes.

   “No?” he asks with eyebrows raised in question. “So, tell me. What is it that you want? Is it me you want? Do you want more, need more? Because I can give that to you, angel. I can give you so much more… if you’ll jus’ let me.”

   “You… you left me alone on the curb after I tried asking you about the guitar lesson…” you stammer out.

   He sighs and runs a hand swiftly through his hair, blowing out a long breath as he finds the words he wants to say. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I jus’... I was confused and angry and hurt because I thought… I didn’t think you wanted to be with me, and I really fuckin’ liked you.” He stops to correct himself. “Well, like you. And I apologize for jus’ icin’ you out. You didn’t deserve that. You never deserved that. I was jus’ sorta hopin’ we could be more, ya know…”

   His words leave you standing with your jaw dropped and eyes wide. “I thought… I thought I could be more than jus’ someone you hooked up with,'' Joel continues. “I wanted… I wanted to give you the world...”

   Jesus. He’s just as wrecked as you are. Holy shit.

   Your hand drops from his wrist as you fidget with the hem of your dress, nerves rushing through you like a raging river. He reaches his long arm out and glides calloused fingers gently down your jawline, pushing a curl behind your ear. And it feels so good. So good that you just want to melt inside his warm touch.

   Say it. Say it right fucking now before you ruin everything all over again.

   “I want… I want… y—”

   Your sentence is interrupted by the loud slamming of the front door of the club and then the pounding of feet on the pavement as you hear keys jangling from jeans and mumbling of gibberish you can’t understand. You jump out of Joel’s reach from the fright and compose yourself to act normal in front of a stranger coming out of the club.

   When you look up to see who so rudely interrupted your confession, your eyes go wide and the breath gets knocked from your chest as you take in exactly who stalks toward you. 

   Jason. Your ex. Holy shit…

   He says your name in surprise, calling out to you as you freeze up in place. This can’t be happening. This can’t be fucking real. Your stomach drops at the sight of his large figure, and your mouth drops open in shock.

   “Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in,” he smirks as his murky green eyes stare coldly back at you. “Hi there, babydoll. Remember me?”

   You blink once, twice, but he doesn’t disappear. This isn’t a dream. He fucking found you. 

   “J… Jason?” Your eyes go as wide as an owl’s, your palms sweating as you take in his figure. Tall, tattoos covering his entire right arm, muddy green eyes that could kill, blonde shaggy hair that falls to his neckline, strong muscles that could snap a man in half, a gold chain glinting around his neck, and worn hands that could tear into your flesh. 

   “Miss me?” he smirks as you see nothing but coldness in his swampy eyes. 

   “I thought you were in jail…” you say quietly, just loud enough for him to hear as he moves toward you slowly, his strides wide and terrifying as he scuffs clean sneakers against the cool pavement. 

   “They let me out on good behavior,” he laughs as he shakes his head, pieces of blonde falling into his eyes as he pushes them away. “Didn’t know I’d run into you here. But I’m sooooo glad I did,” he chuckles, stepping closer. 

   Joel stands and watches the two of you, a conflicting look filling his face as his eyebrows furrow together in concentration. He looks so confused, which he should be. You didn’t tell him about Jason, never even planned to. You thought all memories of Jason were gone as you worked so hard to forget, but now they’re back with a vengeance, and you start to remember everything. 

   “You… you’re not supposed to be here,” you gulp nervously as you take a hesitant step back, but he keeps stalking towards you. Getting closer and closer until he’s only a couple steps in front of you. 

   “Baby, I can be anywhere I want to be,” he croons sickeningly. “And looks like I picked a good night to come out to the club.” You can smell the alcohol falling off his chapped lips, can see how drunk he is already with the way he sways and slurs. This isn’t good, none of this is good. 

   You take one more step back, but he grabs your wrist hard and holds out your left arm as he drags a predatory finger over the faded scar that sits on the inside of your wrist. “I see this hasn’t gone away. A keepsake to remember me by, huh?” he teases as he yanks you closer to him. 

   “Let go,” you demand with a desperate plea in your voice as you try to shove away from him, but he only jabs his nail beds into your wrist as you wince in pain. “I said let go,” you whine as hate fills his cloudy eyes.

   “No, I don’t think so,” he chuckles, holding you in place. 

   “Get the fuck off her,” Joel growls as he pushes Jason away with barely any effort. Jason almost falls off the edge of the curb. 

   Joel looks at you with concern laced in his gentle brown eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks as he looks at the way you hold the inside of your wrist. The faded scar comes into his view and Joel stares at it, his jaw clenching as realization caves in. “Did he… did he do that to you?” 

   You don’t answer, but the way your eyes start to water tells him everything he needs to know. 

   His eyes turn from concerned to full-on burning, rage taking over as he flexes his fingers into a tight fist and ticks his jaw up. He’s not just mad, no. He’s furious. Something inside you clenches up as you see how wrecked he looks; he looks like he wants to eat Jason alive. 

  “Hey, fucker! Step away from her. She’s mine,” Jason warns as he shoves Joel hard in the shoulder as Joel stumbles back a few steps. 

   Joel snarls at Jason, and you swear you’ve never seen him look this feral before. They’re going to fight. Oh, god. No. This isn’t what you wanted. They can’t just…    

   “She ain’t your girl, asshole.” Joel snaps. “Now get the fuck out of here.”

   Jason doesn’t listen; he just hounds Joel and pushes him hard against the brick wall as he runs over and grabs the collar of Joel’s crimson flannel. “The fuck she is!” Jason yells aggressively. “Who the fuck are you to tell me she’s not, hmm? Have you been messing around with her? Yeah you have, I can practically smell you on her.” Jason slams Joel’s head against the hard bricks. 

   No, no, no, not Joel!

   “Jason, stop!” you scream as you run over and try to intercept. 

   “You have no right bein’ here on my property, putting your hands on me or her. So, I’m gonna tell you one more time. Get the fuck out of here before I call the cops,” Joel snarls as he grabs the front of Jason’s shirt and pushes him hard out of his grasp. 

   Jason’s jaw clenches, and his eyes grow impatient. “NO.” The next thing you know, Jason is throwing his fist in the air, and it comes down like lightning against Joel’s jaw. Your eyes grow wide as you hear just how hard the punch hits him, and you’re gasping in horror as you watch, stunned in silence. 

   This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening. 

   Joel takes a few seconds to recover, then he’s moving fast as he shoves Jason against the rough bricks and throws a punch to his nose. You hear the snapping sound of broken bones, but Jason just keeps going. 

   Jason grabs a hold of Joel’s collar and throws him hard while another punch lands against his face. You can’t stand it, can’t watch them beat each other to death. You don’t want any part of this. You just want all the loud, violent sounds to stop. You have to do something.

   Before Jason throws another punch in Joel’s direction, you step between them and try to push Jason away. “Jason, I said stop!” 

   Before you know what happens next, Jason slaps you so hard across the cheek that it nearly makes you see stars. He pushes you roughly and watches you lose your balance on the concrete. Cupping your cheek, you fall to the ground with a thud as it all comes back to you in a flash. You hear Joel scream your name in the distance and see him throwing Jason to the ground out of the corner of your eye, but you’re barely even there anymore. 

   Your vision goes spotty, and all you can hear is the white noise as your ears start to ring insufferably loud. Your palms burn as you dig your fingers into the cold concrete, feeling smaller and more invisible than you’ve ever felt in your life as your heart rate kicks up as the adrenaline rushes out. Your scar aches, your eyes shutting as you remember everything that happened all those years ago. You remember, you remember it all. 

   You remember how drunk Jason got that dark, rainy evening. You remember him cussing you out as you fixed dinner for him, remember him demanding you to bring him another bottle of beer, remember him chewing you out because you didn’t twist the lid open for him, remember him throwing the glass dinner plate across the room as sharp glass littered the soft carpet. 

   And that’s when he snapped. 

   He shattered the glass bottle against the edge of the coffee table as broken glass and alcohol spilled everywhere on the cream carpet. You remember him pushing you down into the shards, the sharp edges cutting into your skin; remember him hovering over you as he dug a piece deep into your wrist and called you a filthy whore, dragging the glass deeper into your skin. Remember all the blood that was spilling out, staining the carpet crimson as he made you look him dead in the eyes and threatened to do worse to you. You remember the police barging into the small apartment as they body-slammed him to the ground and cuffed his hands behind his back. You remember the ambulance taking you away. You remember how close you were to dying, how you almost didn’t make it out alive, how you woke up shaking and scared in the hospital bed, afraid he’d come back to finish you off. You remember it all, you remember everything. 

   Your cheek burns hot as you cup it with your palm, feeling the scrapes on your hand bleed into the pain as wet tears spill down your face. It’s like it’s happening all over again. The pain, the screaming, the drunk mess of a man, the accusations, the absolute sheer terror you feel seeping through your thin bones. You feel so fragile, so torn, and you feel as if you're slipping through the concrete cracks, dying a little inside. 

   The faint noise of thrown punches and bodies slamming to the ground reaches your ears again, but you don’t have the strength to look up. You can only sit still, fade away with the noise, try to piece yourself back together when you know you can’t. It’s too much. It’s too fucking much. 

   All of a sudden, the front doors of the club slam open, and you hear that familiar warm drawl. “That’s enough, Joel. You got him good,” Tommy says firmly.

   You hear the faint grunts of Joel sending punches right and left to Jason who lies on the ground just taking the hits, too drunk now to even comprehend what’s happening. You wince at the noises, the punches reverberating through your body just like you were lying on that floor passed out cold, only the echoes of policemen and the ER workers picking your lifeless body up off the glass covered floor. 

   “Hey, I said enough,” Tommy repeats. You hear the throws of punches die out into silence, only hearing quiet shuffling that echoes in your ringing ears. 

   Suddenly, you feel someone’s hands on your shoulders, shaking you to get up. You shy away, screaming no, but then the hands are back on you. They’re warm, welcoming, comforting. A ray of sunshine you need to pick you up off the ground because you don’t have the strength to do it yourself. 

   “Hey, look at me,” he says adamantly, but you pull out of his enticing grip that begs for you to hold on to him. 

   “No,” you say sternly as you fall back on your palms and wince in pain. You’re so cold, so weak, so broken. How did you ever pick yourself up off the ground that first time?

   Joel reaches for you again, and this time it’s more careful, delicate. “Hey, hey, sweetheart. It’s me, it’s Joel. ‘S okay now. ‘S okay.” This time you let him help you off the cold ground, turning you around to face him as you sit on your bruised knees, staring down at the hollow ground. 

   “Hey, can you look up for me?” he asks quietly as you shake your head no and keep your eyes glued to the ground. You can’t do it, you’ll surely break if you see even the tiniest scratch on his face. 

   “Baby, look in my eyes. Please, jus’ look at me. C’mon, sweetheart,” he coos as he cups your chin and lifts your head. 

   Your breathing is erratic, your pulse quickening as you try to focus on him and him alone. You lock eyes with him, seeing those concerned flecks of dark brown swirl in your vision as he breathes out and sighs. “There ya go, nice and slow. Jus’ breathe for me.”

   Your eyes go wide as you see the deep red and purple bruises covering his strong left cheekbone, a tinge of crimson blood covering his knuckles he used it to avenge your honor. He got hurt. He’s hurt because of you. 

   “Joel, you… you’re hurt,” you stutter out as you place a hand gently over his bruises as he winces back in pain. 

   “I’m fine. Don’t worry ‘bout me, sweetheart. You’re the one I’m worried ‘bout. Are you… okay?” he asks cautiously as he traces his calloused thumb over your jawline. You pick apart the question, going over the events that had just happened in the span of ten minutes. You weren’t okay, you were far from okay. 

   “I… I’m…” Your mumbling stops as you hear Jason yelling and stirring up trouble as he rambles on about how he’ll be back. You catch him saying “slut” and calling you and Joel vulgar names as security calls the cops. 

   “Sweetheart, say somethin’,” Joel pleads as he drops his large hand over yours and squeezes. 

   The wave of shock hits you like lightning as your scar burns, and the memories flood your mind in the present. This time you see Joel lying there in the puddle of blood, wrist cut up with Jason standing over him with a bottle of alcohol and a smug smirk tugging at his cheeks as his dark eyes stare down at your and Joel’s dying bodies. It’s too much, it’s too fucking much. 

   You feel hot tears swarm your vision as you throw your arms around Joel and sink your face into his warm flannel. The one that smells like him, his musk, his warm scent. The tears don’t stop pouring, your sobs echoing in the distance as you feel your body completely melt against Joel. You hear him call your name, feel him try to talk to you as he tries to get your attention, but you’re too far gone, too broken to feel anything. 

   “Tommy!” Joel screams as you hear Tommy’s footsteps scuff quickly over the cement. “Make sure that fucker never steps foot in our club again, and make sure the cops lock him up. Fucker assaulted me and her tonight. I’m gonna take her home. Jus’ make sure he doesn’t cause any more trouble.” Joel snarls as you feel his arms snake around you.

   “Don’t worry, Joel. I’ve got it. Motherfucker is gonna pay for what he did,” Tommy spits as he storms off to the front doors. 

   Joel tries to stir you from his grasp, but you just hold onto him as tight as a koala. “Sweetheart, hey. We need to get up. Do you think you can get up?” Joel asks carefully as he tries to pry you up. You don’t budge, don’t even make a sound as tears blur your vision. 

   “Alright, c’mon,” he sighs as he stoops down and picks you up, cradling you in his strong arms as he carries you to his truck while your eyes soak the front of his flannel. “I’ve got you, babygirl. It’s gonna be okay,” he coos as he brushes his lips over the top of your head and sets you down in the passenger seat.

   He fastens the seatbelt over your lap until it clicks and lingers his fingers against your cheek. You pull away from him, leaning your head to the opposite side as tears begin to soak the fabric of your soft dress. You hear him sigh and listen to him back up, gently closing the passenger door while he shuffles to the driver’s side. 

   He gets himself situated in the seat, and you can feel that hovering gaze over you as he runs his fingers down his clipped scruff. You sink into the edge of the door, curling yourself into a tight ball as you feel his stare smother your insides. 

   You don’t want him to see you like this, all broken and torn to shreds. He wasn’t supposed to know this side of you. The part you keep closed up in a tight glass bottle that drifts off to sea, where no one will see the mess you keep hidden away. 

   This wasn’t supposed to fucking happen, but it did. It did. 

   You close your eyes tight and lean against the glass window, throwing up your shields as you drown out the sounds of the low vibrations of the truck, keeping Joel's concerned, prying eyes from your glassy stare, even blocking out his gravelly voice as he whispers soft words under his breath. 

   This is too much, it’s all too much. You just want to disappear, let shadows envelop you in darkness, fade away so you don’t have to keep living those horrible nightmares night after night.  

   This was all Jason’s fault, all yours for falling for a man who never loved you. The only thing he did was shatter your world completely and keep you from forming intimate relationships. And now you were permanently scarred, just like the mark against your wrist. 

   You’re a fucking piece of work, and nobody deserves that burden now.

   Joel locks his fingers around the leather steering wheel, gripping so tight that his knuckles are painted white as concerned eyes flick to your fragile form in the passenger seat. His thoughts fly wild, his breath quick, his teeth bared as he thinks of what that fucker did to you.

   He’ll drive down to the county jail this weekend, make sure Jason’s locked up tight, make sure he will never place another finger on your beautiful face. He fucking slapped you, knocked you down, and shed violent threats over your crouched body. He’s a dead man.

   Joel ticks his jaw, snaps his teeth together as he thinks of the asshole that hurt you. He swears to god if Jason ever lays another hand on you, he will personally kill him himself. He’d snap his neck, would make sure the fucker was ten feet in the ground, would fucking destroy the man that assaulted you. He’d burn everything, if only that meant he could keep you safe. If only that meant you were his…

   He rakes a hand heavily through his scruff, takes another long glance at you as you shake and whimper against the glass window, folding yourself into the smallest shape you can possibly get yourself in. And it fucking hurts him to see you like this, all fragile and broken and bleeding. He wants to take all the pain away, but he doesn’t know how, doesn’t exactly know what you need, but he’ll be gentle, delicate, whatever you need. He would be that for you. He’d be anything you needed him to be. 

   He gently drops a hand from the steering wheel, reaching out until he stops himself when he sees the jagged scar on your left wrist. How had he never seen it before, how had he not noticed? How was this the first time he’s looked at it?

   God, he’s such a fool, a fucking asshole. The way he iced you out, the way he didn’t reply to your texts, the way he fucking flirted with a woman tonight when he damn well knew all he wanted was you. How could he be so reckless with your feelings? He fucking knew better, and look where that ended.

   He should’ve figured out the signs sooner. The way you always widened your eyes and turned your head before he could sink his lips down on yours, the way you were so hesitant and careful about everything you did with him. Why didn’t he just stop after that stupid question in the diner, when he asked you what exactly the two of you were doing? He should’ve fucking known the way you tried to change the subject, the way you lost all form of words, your breathy stutters. He should’ve fucking saw your wrist and knew someone had hurt you. But he didn’t, and now he was the biggest asshole for falling silent and leaving you thinking he didn’t want you. And he fucking hates himself for that. Because he wanted you the entire goddamn time.

   God. He’s wanted you from the first moment he saw you in his club, sitting there all doe-eyed and looking up at him as your smile took his breath away.

   He’s such a goddamn fool, and he just wishes he could take it all back and start over. He’d be so careful with you, and now you’re sitting there scattered in broken pieces of glass, but he’ll try to put you back together the best he can. He has to try, he just has to because you’re all he really wants anymore. 

   You’re a living, breathing angel, and he’ll set himself on fire if that’s what it takes to win you back.

   The truck stops in a dark driveway, one that’s lit with dim lights glowing against a tan garage. You don’t look up, not even when the hum of the engine cuts off and Joel frantically slams his door closed and practically sprints to the passenger side.

   When he opens it he hesitates a second, assessing your tear-soaked face as you turn away from him. You don’t want him to see you like this, but it’s too late. So why are you shying away from him?

   He carefully unbuckles you and gently lifts you up, cradling you against his firm chest as you sink against it, inhaling his fresh soap smell, the pine scent dripping off his silvery scruff. You smell it then: the scent of safety, of your knight in shining armor.

   Joel carries you into the house, taking you up the creaking stairs and what you assume to be up to his bedroom. You don’t lift your eyes, only squeezing them shut so you can forget the aftermath of showing up to the club. You try to block out the blonde woman, Jason, the fight with Joel, the absolute monstrosity of the events that led you here to Joel’s house. You try to forget, but you can’t. You just can’t.

   You hear a door swing open as you make it to the top of the stairs, his fast beating chest breathing rapidly as you cling to his warm flannel. You could stay curled up against his chest for hours, as long as you don’t have to open your eyes, as long as you can just breathe him and forget the rest of the world.

   Those thoughts are short-lived when you feel the back of your thighs brushing against a soft comforter, and then he’s unlatching you from his flannel. You unwind your fingers and fall against the bed, allowing him to take a step back as the numbness seeps back inside you. 

   You tug at your dress, the room feeling both too overwhelmingly sweltering and also as cold as ice chilling down every single nerve in your body. You just need to get out of this tight thing; the fabric is suffocating and squeezing you like Jason’s rough hands are still wrapped around your throbbing wrists.

   You jump when you hear Joel sliding a drawer shut, your fingers still tugging against your itchy fabric. You want it off, need to get it off, but you can’t seem to make your hands or body work.

   As if Joel senses you struggling against yourself, you see him carefully walking over to you in your periphery, his polished boots scuffing against the dark grey carpet as you take a deep breath to calm yourself.

   Your fingers fidget against the tainted material, and you just want it off now. He slowly, ever so delicately stills your hand, his palm flattening over the top of yours as he whispers quietly. “Here, let me help you out there, sweetheart. ‘S alright, easy now.”

   He slowly tugs your zipper down, ever so slowly pulling the summer dress off your body, and then unclasping the buckle of your heels as he frees them from your aching feet. 

   He gently helps you lift your arms as a long dark blue t-shirt envelops your body, the soft material hitting just below your knees as it clouds you in whiffs of summer breeze and Joel all together. It makes you feel safe, like he’s surrounding you in just him. And it feels so damn good.

   He grunts as he lifts himself off the floor, and then he treads into his bathroom, throwing the bright light on as water starts to pour from his sink.

   Drip, drip, drip. The sounds the water makes as it crashes into the sink makes your heart slow, makes you think about the entire night, makes you cringe as Jason’s face comes into view. You see red eyes, hear slurring curses, feel the glass cutting straight through your fragile skin.

   You grab hold of your wrist, embedding your nails into the skin as you wince at the memory. No more, not tonight. You can’t bear to think of it, so you block it out as the numb feeling tingles down your spine and surrounds every single bone in your body. You shut your eyes tight and count to ten in your head, hoping the voices will go away, but they never do. They’re just… ghosts.

   A few seconds later you hear Joel pad back into the room, his footsteps so slow as he takes step after step until the floor stops creaking. You open your eyes and find him kneeling in front of you, his eyes so lathered with concern that it makes his chocolate irises lighten just a little, and it makes your heart skip in your chest.

   He looks at you like you’re so broken, fragile, but you are. He hesitates as his right hand flexes up with a tan soaked washcloth in his grip, like he’s afraid to touch you, like you’re made of glass.

   “Is this okay? Can I…” His gravelly voice fades off, and his brows knit together as he studies your somber features slowly. 

   Permission? He’s asking for permission to touch you? Of course he is. After tonight he figures you don’t want to be touched, and he’s right. You don’t. But Joel, you’ll allow him the honor. 

   He slowly reaches his arm up, brushing a strand of hair delicately behind your ear, and then he brings the cool washcloth up and runs it over your stinging cheek. You wince a little at the pain, but you quickly lean into the cold material and let it soak your heated skin.

   He’s so careful with you, brown eyes flicking every few seconds to assess your face, making sure you’re okay, making sure you won’t just slip like sand into the cracks of the floor. That’s what you would be doing, if it wasn’t for Joel taking care of you. 

   You didn’t ask him to do this, didn’t imagine this being your weekend night with eyeliner running down your face or your eyes swollen and red. You probably look like a giant mess, but isn’t that what you are? 

   You flick your gaze up to his and spot the colorful bruise that flashes deep purple and crimson on the side of his left cheek, the exact same place as yours, and it makes your heart drop in your chest.

   Guilt spirals through your head, your chest, and then drops to your stomach. This is all your fault. Joel is hurt because of you. He wouldn’t have swollen knuckles and discolored bruises on his fingers and cheek if it wasn’t for you. 

   Your vision starts to blur, your fingers twisting into the soft sheets, and your body starts humming with vibrations as you begin to shake. 

   Your fault, your fault, your fault.

   Joel’s eyes widen, and his free hand lands on your thigh as he looks at you as if you’ll shatter into a million pieces. “Hey, hey, hey. What’s the matter? Did I hurt you?” he asks as his mouth twitches into a hard line.

   You shake your head and whimper out, “No, you didn’t. I’m just…” You freeze up and almost lose your words. “You got hurt. You’re hurt because of me. This is all my fault,” you whine as another tear escapes your eye.

   “No, sweetheart. Not at all,” he murmurs as he reaches up and brushes a tear away from your cheek before it can fall to the floor. 

   He cups your face with both hands, his calloused fingers feeling like warmth, and then he gazes at you with so much intent and sorrow in his eyes that they start to glisten. “Don’t you dare for one second think any of this is your fault. None of it is, you didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.”

   Your eyes fill with tears as they start to spill over, your body trembling as you finally release it all out of your system. “Then why does it feel like it is?” you cry out, the room temperature dropping fifteen degrees as you shake with guilt and hurt.

   “Oh, sweetheart. No. C’mere.” He throws off his boots and scoops you up, landing in the soft sheets as he cradles you to his chest while he pulls the dark blue comforter over your shaking body. “‘S’okay, babygirl. I’ve got you. I’ve got you,” he coos, folding his broad arms over your back as he takes one hand and gently runs it down the back of your scalp, soothing you of everything you’ve held pent up inside that you never got the courage to let slip out. 

   “Joel, the reason I didn’t tell you…”

   “Shhh. Not now, sweetheart. You can tell me in the mornin’. Right now I jus’ want you to relax, breathe, sleep. Jus’ focus on deep breaths. I’ve got you, sweetheart. Nobody’s gonna hurt you anymore. I’ve got you, sweet girl. I’ve got you,” he soothes as his thick fingers stroke tenderly through your hair, easing you of the tension that you hold in your shoulders.

   “But I… he… you…” You just can’t make sense of your jumbled words.

   “Easy now. Easy,” he whispers, pulling you closer into him so you can nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck where it’s warm and safe and smells like the middle of an autumn’s day.

   You breathe him in, grasping on to his woodsy scent, sinking as deep as you can go against his broad chest, fingers curling possessively against his white undershirt, steadying your breaths to the slow rhythm of his heart, reaching for him and only him as your panicked mind starts to ease into calm waters, Joel the anchor that keeps you from drowning.

   You keep latched tight to him as you start to let your body get dragged into darkness where no one can hurt you, where only Joel keeps you floating into a deep, serene place where your body stills, your galloping heart starting to slow to quiet footsteps as you hear the deep sighs slip from his lips, letting it lull you to sleep as he holds you tighter.

   The last thing you hear before you drift off to sleep is the sound of his deep, gravelly Southern drawl where you feel most relaxed at. “You’re safe with me, angel. Always.” And then you slip into a dreamless, peaceful sleep.

   The fan blows overhead, his head resting up against the headboard as he stares at your sleeping form that clings to his white t-shirt. His hand repeatedly strokes your soft locks, as if the motion will make the panic ease from your mind, as if he can make you feel safe, where no one else can touch your delicate form again.

   He brushes his lips against your forehead, caressing them over every perfect line that makes up your gorgeous face, needing to give you everything he can. He thinks you’re so perfect, the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and now all he wants to do is take care of you, the way you should’ve been taking care of long ago.

   He slips a hand under the material of his t-shirt that splays over your body, carefully dragging his fingernails over your lower back in slow, meticulous circles as he soothes you from the panic. 

   “Nobody’s ever gonna make you feel unwanted again, baby. He’s never gonna hurt you again, will never lay his eyes on you because I’ll keep you safe. You’re so perfect, so beautiful, jus’ like the rarest flower in the world. That’s what you are. Rare, my love. You’re so rare,” he whispers against the shell of your ear, dragging his lips over your soft skin as he closes his eyes and breaths in the lilac perfume that envelops your very being.

   You stir beneath him, nuzzling closer as you groan and curl your fingers against his neck, getting as close as you possibly can. He almost thinks you’re awake, but your deep breaths and fluttering eyelashes say you’re in a deep sleep, somewhere far away.

   He hugs you closer and rests his chin on your head, fingers scraping softly against your soft skin, exactly how you like it. He’s always wanted to keep you safe, but now it’s his mission, like his life depends on it. He’ll spend his entire life convincing you if he has to. You’re his now, and he’s never going to let you go.

   He lets his eyelids shut as the fan hums him to sleep, keeping his arms wrapped safely around you, his lips pressing once more to your forehead as sleep drags him under. And for once in his life, he sleeps the rest of the night because you are safe in his arms.

   You wake to the chirping of singing birds as the sun shines brightly through the sheer curtains, your eyes slowly peeling open as you feel deep, slow breaths underneath you. You quietly stir, groaning as you tug his t-shirt against your fingers, suddenly very aware you stayed the night at Joel’s in his bed, in his arms.

   You feel Joel readjust beneath you, lifting your chin as you’re met with the most beautiful sleepy brown eyes you’ve ever seen. And the drawl of his sleep-ridden gravelly voice doesn’t make it any better. “Mornin’, sunshine. You sleep okay?” He curls a lock of hair behind your ear and lingers his calloused palm on your skin, making you warmer than you were before.

   “Mmm, I did,” you smile sleepily as he chuckles, making his brown eyes crinkle as the crow’s feet pull at the corners of his eyes. God, he’s always so handsome, especially in the morning, fresh from a long night’s rest with tousled bedhead curls that you want to run your fingers through. 

   “Good, that’s good,” he murmurs, a crooked smile curling over his lips as you seem to get lost in his beautiful face.

   You almost nestle back into the crook of his neck, but when you look over you realize it’s a quarter past 10:00. Your eyes go wide and you jump up, realizing you’re probably messing up his entire day. “Shit, Joel. I didn’t know it was so late. I’m sorry, you should’ve woke me up earlier.”

   You’re nearly frantic, but he places a palm softly on your face and turns you to look straight into his sleepy eyes. “‘S alright, angel. Jus’ calm down. I took the day off. Tommy’s got me covered, don’t you worry.” 

   “Oh.” You look at him with wide eyes while his thick fingers trail down your jawline like velvet. 

   “Wasn’t gonna jus’ leave you alone after last night. Needed to make sure you were alright. Figured I needed to take care of you.”

   Oh. Take care of you? No one has ever… done that. Taken care of you before. And yet again, he leaves you completely speechless. “To… take care of me?” Your voice is barely a whisper as you stare up into gorgeous flecks of chocolate eyes.

   “That’s right, sweetheart,” he smiles, a hand slowly smoothing down your messy locks as he comforts you.

   All you can muster up is a pathetic thank you as you nestle back into the scruff of his neck, hitching your leg around his hip as you hold tight to his broad chest. His fingers trail soothingly up and down your back, his nail beds scratching softly along your exposed skin as he soothes your growing panic. 

   After a few minutes of cuddling, he shifts his weight and drags his lips across the shell of your ear. “You wanna take a bath?” You nod your head and allow him to unravel you from his comforting hold. “Alright then, c’mon.”

   He carries you into the bathroom, flipping the light on as he goes. He carefully sits you down on top of the ceramic countertop, dropping his thick fingers from your sides so he can start the water in the tub.

   The faucet squeaks and turns, shooting out warm water. You lean against the mirror and close your eyes for just a second, letting the hum of the water calm your stirring tides, letting the sounds of Joel brushing past you soothe you as he sets out some clean towels from the polished cabinet. 

   You start to drift off again, trying to forget the horrors of last night. You start to slip into darkness, but Joel pulls you right back out as you start to fade to black. “You ready?” he asks, standing right in front of you with his thighs meeting your knees, one hand softly grazing along the jawline of your face.

   “Yeah,” you mutter out pathetically, and then he lifts you off the counter and sets you on flat ground.

   “C’mere, pretty girl. Let’s get you out of this.” He cautiously lifts the hem of his shirt and carefully drags it over your head. You place a hand steadily on his veiny forearm, slipping out of your panties until you’re completely bare and shivering like you’ve just walked out into a snowy blizzard. 

   He quickly throws his t-shirt off, shedding himself of his jeans and boxers until he has nothing left covering himself. The bubbles fizz at the top of the tub as he cuts off the water, slipping his fingers through yours so he can help you in the tub. 

   “In you go, angel. There ya go,” he murmurs, letting the warmth lap against your skin as he settles behind you, pressing your back into his broad chest while his thick arms envelop you in comfort.  

   You close your eyes, press your fingertips into his hot skin, and soak in the smell of his rich mahogany scent that always seems to calm you down. You shut out the violent events of last night, only thinking about how Joel swept you up in his arms and took care of you, making sure you were safe and heard, promising you that you were safe. And you were safe, you’re always safe in his strong arms, arms that claim you as his now, hopefully. 

   “Easy now, you’re alright,” he hums in the shell of your ear, caressing his lips against your jawline, slowly taking the soft washcloth over your arms as he bathes you in lavender soap. You lean into his broad body, groaning each time he glides the washcloth over your delicate skin, drowning in the attention and care he’s giving you.

   He didn’t run, he stayed. 

   He picks you up gently and cradles you over his lap, your legs splayed over his thighs while your face nuzzles cozily into the crook of his neck, his calloused fingertips gently skating down the edge of your jawline. You relax every muscle in your body because you feel safe; Joel makes you feel safe.

   He trails his hand down your forearm and pauses at the dip in your wrist, where the scar is visible. His fingertips feel like fire as they hover over the marked area that still feels fresh from years ago.

   “You wanna talk ‘bout it?” he asks shakily, like you’ll break if he’s too loud or if he presses too hard on the scarred skin. You jump when he touches your wrist, and he quickly releases from that spot like he just burnt you more.

   “I…” There you go choking again. When will you ever learn?

    “You don’t have to talk ‘bout anything you’re not comfortable with, sweetheart. Jus’… I wanna know what happened to you because I want to understand you, want to make sure I don’t set off any triggers. I jus’ wanna know how to make you feel safe, babygirl.”

   Babygirl. There’s that word again. The one that makes you think you’re finally his.

   You flick your gaze up to him, staring into concerned brown eyes that draw you in like a moth to a flame. He always did know how to calm you down with just those soft, syrupy eyes. You look down and trace your index finger along the damp, wiry hairs along his chest, and then you take a deep breath.

   Here goes nothing.

   “No, I… I want to tell you everything. So let me try.” You take a shaky breath and breathe out slowly, numbing your body enough to where the adrenaline isn’t filling your lungs, and then you lay it all out like you should’ve long ago. “I went through a lot in my past, Joel. With Jason. He was… he wasn’t always terrible. At least not in the beginning. He picked up drinking after he was in the service. He wasn’t always home, but when he took an early retirement from the military and came back he was a horrible alcoholic. I mean, drowning a whole six pack or more a day. And it just got worse and worse. And he… he…”

   You have to take a breath and close your eyes for just a second, focusing on not falling apart as you feel hot tears well in your eyes at thinking back to the past you so desperately want to forget.

   Joel puts a comforting hand on your lower back, giving you that nudge you need to continue your story. “He got really mean, especially when he was drunk. And I wanted to get out so bad, but he’d just suck me right back in. Promising he’d change, that he’d do better, but he never did. He never even tried. And then I tried to leave one night because he had me so terrified that I packed a bag and ran, but he got me before I was able to make it out the door. And he… he threatened me. Had me pressed up to the door with his hand wrapped around my throat. And he… he told me if I ever left he’d find me. So I felt trapped, and I couldn’t even talk about it to anyone because I was so fucking scared that he’d come after them, too.”

   Joel’s eyes are wide, and his nostrils are flared, his hand drawing slow circles across your back in a soothing motion. You can see he’s fighting to keep his mouth shut, and he nods for you to continue.

   “And then one night, Jason got really drunk. It was a rainy night, and I was cooking him dinner. There was something he didn’t like or something about how I was out too late the night before. I can’t exactly remember, but he was so fucking angry. His eyes were bloodshot red, and he was screaming for me to get him another beer. And I just remember thinking he was going to do something terrible to me. He was… abusive and manipulative… and he was so damn good at talking me down. I still… sometimes I still have nightmares.”

   Joel’s fingers curl against your skin, and he presses you tighter against his chest, like he’s trying to soften the blow for you. He’s so good. 

   “But when I handed him the beer, he slapped my face hard and he broke the bottle on the coffee table, even smashed his dinner plate and sent the coffee table across the room. There was so much glass and noise and chaos… and I remember… I remember he pinned me down against the carpet and started lashing out at me, like I was the problem, like I was the reason he was so angry. And I tried to push him away, tried to scream for help, but he took the edge of the broken bottle and slashed my wrist open… he tried to kill me…”

   The bathroom goes completely silent as Joel stares at you with a hint of terror flashing through his eyes. You feel the hot pricks of teardrops cascade down your cheeks, and then you’re a blubbering mess again. “I remember the sirens, the police, how I blacked out and woke up in the hospital. And I was alone, didn’t even remember what happened. All I knew was that I was in a strange place with IVs hooked to my arms, and I could barely see straight because I lost so much blood. And I… I was… I was so scared, Joel. They said… they said I was almost dead. If they would’ve gotten there two minutes later I wouldn’t be sitting here telling you this…”

   Joel wraps his arms firmly around you, cupping the back of your head with a strong hand as he sends a wave of comfort around you, holding you while you cry your heart out and lay out everything just so he knows why you’re so messed up and broken.

   “Oh, babygirl. I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that. That’s… my god, that’s traumatizing.” You wrap your arms around his thick back, burrowing your face into his warm chest as you soak up his warmth.

   “And he… he always said how nobody else could love me, that I was worthless, that I was nothing. And that’s why… that’s why I am the way I am. Because of him.” Your voice cracks as more tears roll down your face. 

   Joel tips your chin up and rubs the tip of his thumb under your eyes, catching big tears as he brushes them away. “Oh, no no no, sweetheart. Don’t you believe him for one minute. You’re so beautiful and you’re strong and you’re worthy of love. Don’t think for one second on it, darlin’ girl. You’re worth it all.”

   You’re worth it all. The words make your eyes glassy as you stare wondrously at the man that saved you from it all. “Thank you for… for making me feel safe,” you whisper against his chest.

  “Always,” he murmurs as his thick fingers run through your hair calmly. “Thank you for trustin’ me with that information, angel,” he whispers against your ear. “You’re such a brave girl, you know that?” He gently presses his lips to the top of your head, and you sink deeper against his warm, welcoming chest. “The bravest girl I know.”

   You’re such a brave girl. The words make you choke back a sob. “You really think so?”

   “Mhm. I do, angel. I do.” His voice is so warm, almost like a brassy baritone sound that glides through your ears, like you could listen to it for forever.

   You melt into his firm chest, eyes glistening up at him as you swallow your tongue and force more explanations out that he probably doesn’t need. “It’s sometimes hard for me to ask for what I need. After so long of that, I kinda lost my voice on things that matter to me,” you mumble shyly as if he’ll draw back from you, but he only pulls you closer.

   “It’s okay, sweetheart. I can be patient,” he coos into the shell of your ear, sending a wave of relief down your body.

   “That’s why at the diner I couldn’t… I froze up when you asked me what I wanted. And I… God, I knew what I wanted. I just couldn’t say the words,” you stutter out, jumbling the words as they seem to blur all together.

   “Hey, s’alright, angel. I should’ve… fuck. I should’ve been better. The way I acted after the diner. I jus’ can’t tell you how sorry I am, sweetheart. I know I hurt you by what I did. I jus’ wasn’t thinking, and I should’ve picked up on the signs the first night I met you. The way… you were so hesitant, and each time I even got close to your lips… Shit, I’m jus’ real sorry, darlin’. There’s not enough apologies that I could give to make it up to you.” He sighs and drags a large hand through his tousled curls, letting another sigh of frustration catch in his throat. “I’m sorry for leavin’ you on read for two weeks. I jus’… I was a wreck myself, but that’s a sorry excuse for bein’ an asshole, and right now I don’t even deserve redemption after the trouble I caused.”

   You shake your head as if he shouldn’t be apologizing at all. “No, Joel. It’s okay. I should’ve just… I should’ve been better by now. About my feelings, about asking for what I need. I tried to bury my past, but all it did was eat me alive.”

   He cups your chin and lifts your face to where your eyes meet his, and he looks so soft and sincere. You think you could just drown in those syrupy eyes filled with warmth. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t apologize. Not after what you’ve been through, my brave girl. Don’t even think about it for one second.”

   My brave girl. The words send a splash of hope pulling through your veins at the word my, like maybe you are his.

   “Joel, I…”

   “Angel, s’alright. I’ll be whatever you need me to be, alright? Jus’ know that you’re so fuckin’ special, and I swear to god I’ll strangle myself before I ever hurt you again. And if someone even thinks of messin’ with you again, jus’ know I’ll kill ‘em with my bare hands. Because you are one of a kind, angel. Never met a girl like you before…”

   “Joel…” You drag your fingertips across his greying scruff, your eyes glistening with longing and need, and then the word block comes up. You push and push, until you have nothing standing in your way anymore from telling him how you really feel. You take a deep breath and let the words fall off your tongue like you’re free falling, and somehow you know he’ll catch you. “I just… what I wanted to say back at the diner is that… I want you. God, I’ve wanted you for so long. And when you didn’t talk to me for almost two weeks… well… it was just… it was the worst thing ever, but I knew I messed up and probably deserved it and…”

   He cuts you off, muttering a soft apology as he looks at you stunned for half a beat, his eyes raining with a look of longing and relief as he pulls you flush against his chest, letting the bubbles float around your entwined bodies. “Oh, sweetheart. No, you never messed up and you absolutely never deserved that. Listen to me very carefully. You have me. I’m all yours, sweet girl. I’ve been yours since that first night we met. And this is me askin’ for forgiveness, and I pray to god you’ll accept it because I don’t think I can see you walk out of this house unless it’s with me standing by your side.”

   Your eyes go wide as you stare into gentle brown eyes, eyes that say they want you. “You… you still want me? Even after…”

    He pushes back a piece of loose hair and grazes his knuckles softly down your jawline. “Angel, I’ve never stopped wanting you. And now, I want you even more.”

   “You… want me…” you repeat in a hushed whisper, afraid that your ears are deceiving you. No one’s ever wanted you, so how could this perfect, gentle man want you?

   “I want you every minute, every second, every breath of every day, sweetheart. I always want you. And if that asshole or any other fucker ever made you feel like you weren’t wanted then let me show you that that’s not true. Because I want you, angel. You’re worth everything, you beautiful, sweet girl. You’re worth it all.” 

   Your eyes blow wide as you feel a warm teardrop roll down your cheek. Joel brushes it away carefully with the pad of his thumb and lingers against your skin, making you feel warmth you’ve never felt in your life. 

   The bubbles splash around you with every shaky breath you take as your fingers graze his patchy beard, delicately tracing each strand of grey that threads through the dark hair, memorizing each fleck of onyx brown that glitters under the bathroom fluorescent lights. Your other hand pushes back a tousled curl off his tanned forehead, lingering your fingers in his messy hair like it’s your favorite shade of color that you want to lace your fingers through forever.

   This man, this sentimental, extremely sweet hunk of a man is yours. He wants you, he really wants you. And for the first time in your life you know what it should feel like to be cared for, to be wanted, to be loved. At least it feels like love. The slow, sensual way he says your name, the longing gazes from his deep hazel eyes that make you blush like a silly girl with a school crush, the way he takes care of you, listens to you, the way he makes you feel safe like no one else has.

   Safe. He makes you feel so safe, so seen, so loved. That’s it. Love. You love this man, and you really just want to fucking kiss him because he’s looking at you all doe-eyed and like you’re the only thing in the world that he wants to look at. And that’s it. You’re finished, smitten, done. 

   This is it.

   It’s like the world stops spinning on its axis as you carefully lace your fingers through his curls, your other hand sliding along his chiseled jaw as you push yourself higher onto his lap and let your forehead connect with his.    

   He breathes in deep and hooks one arm around your lower back, his other hand skimming underneath your chin, letting the tip of his thumb graze along your lower lip. He lets it sit there, memorizing each crevice, every line that connects your smooth lips, and it’s like fire that tingles down your body, like no one has ever touched you before. Not like this, not like he’s mapping out every single trace of your soul, reaching in and stroking your heart like he’s putting together every broken piece of your shattered past.

   “Do you know what my favorite thing about you is, angel?” He whispers with a deep, gravelly tone, shaking your very core as he continues to explore the lines of your lips.

   “What?” Your voice is so scratchy that you almost don’t recognize it. You’re just very aware of how close his lips are, how intimate this moment is in the bathtub, on his lap while he tells you how much he wants you. And it’s so much, so very paralyzingly too intimate, but you don’t care. You don’t have the strength to deny him any longer when you want him just as badly as he wants you.

   “How brave you are. You’re the bravest, strongest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. And the best part is how you wear your heart on your sleeve even after everything you’ve been through. And I’m so lucky to have had the honor of meeting the prettiest angel in the room the first night I met you. And I’m so happy that I can call you mine, pretty little angel. You’re mine.”

   You lean into Joel’s broad body, threading your fingers through his hair, gasping at the beautiful words that fall off his tongue so easily, mesmerized by the incredible man that keeps you breathless with every word he speaks.

   You breathe in his rich mahogany scent, clinging to every word that wraps around your mind. You brush his nose and feel the warmth that heats off his skin, his lips, his very essence that seems to crash into your own body. And it’s like every single sound in the world stops as your lips brush his, like this is what you’ve waited for your entire life, to kiss him. 

   The slight tug of his large hand that cups the back of your neck is all the motivation you need. You let your hand fall against his slacked jaw, and then your lips are on his.

   Warm. His lips are so warm, soft, perfect. Like they were molded just for you. You lean into his chest and hum against his plush lips as you circle your arms around the back of his neck. It’s like earth stops and gravity isn’t real, even the bubbles in the bath seem to come to a standstill as the kiss permeates throughout the room like sparkling firecrackers filling the warm air.

   You part your lips, allowing him to slot his tongue into your mouth, and then he’s surrounding you in complete warmth as you melt as his honey-like tongue explores your mouth slowly. The kiss is nothing like you’ve experienced before. It’s warm, slow, inviting, and it’s written with Joel all over it.

   Joel doesn’t rush, only takes his time as he delves into your mouth, swallowing his cinnamon taste as you drown in the very essence of him. Your bodies move in unison, fingers threading against one another’s hair, hearts beating impossibly fast against each other’s chests, a slow staccato rhythm that lights hearts on fire. You’ve never experienced anything this romantic in your life.

   The kiss eventually ends as his lips disconnect with yours, and all you want to do is get wrapped up in your favorite lips again, but your breathing is ragged and you need some air as the stifling feelings start to fill your chest.

   Joel laces his fingers through your hair and looks down at you with the most beautiful shade of deep brown eyes you’ve ever seen in your life, and you swear he looks completely smitten with you, almost like he’s in love. “You’re tellin’ me I had to wait that long to kiss you?” He smiles, resting his forehead down on yours.

   “Sorry,” you apologize with red cheeks.

   “Don’t gotta be sorry, angel. That was one hell of a kiss. The best damn kiss I’ve ever had in my entire life,” he purrs, lightly stroking slow circles against your jawline.

   You gently laugh as you curl a finger down his broad chest. “Still, sorry I made you wait so long.”

   He shakes his head and smiles warmly. “I’d wait forever if I had to, angel. You’re worth it.”

   Your lips part and your eyes glisten as you stare at the man who has your entire heart. And god, you want to tell him how irrevocably in love you are with him, and that’s exactly what you do. You just let it float through the bathroom, completely aware of every single thing that could go wrong, but you can’t hide your feelings for him anymore. He’s everything you’ve ever wanted, so you’ll have him. “Joel, I think… I think… I’m in love with you.”

   His eyes soften into molten chocolate, and his smile is absolutely radiant as it curls over his plush lips. “And what would you say if I said I was in love with you, too?”

   “What?” You freeze, thinking you heard that wrong. He loves you? Oh. Oh my…

   “I love you, my sweet little angel. I’ve been in love with you since I saw you across the bar. I jus’ knew you were the one. They always say you know. Didn’t know what they meant until I saw you lookin’ over at me with those beautiful eyes of yours. I knew from that moment you’d be mine.” 

   Your mouth parts open as you suck in a breath, all your guarded walls and insecurities dropping on the spot as you play the words again and again in your head, until you can fully comprehend what he just said to you.

   He’s in love with you. With you! You don’t know how, you don’t know why he did, but you just know you feel it as much as he does. And your skin is absolutely glowing as you grin mesmerizingly up at his brown starry eyes. “You really love me?”

   “Oh, my little angel. Yes, I love you. You take the breath out of me.”

   You map out every fleck of amber in his eyes, every crevice of pure syrupy colors that call your name like a magical siren, and then you’re falling, crashing into his lips until you can only breathe him. There’s no oxygen left, there’s only him and his cinnamon taste that drips off your tongue.

   Your body molds to his, fingers lacing through messy curls, chest flush to his, climbing him like you can’t get close enough, can’t touch his tanned skin enough, can’t be satiated when his tongue is circling yours, marking his taste where you think you need him the most, so it can slip down and wrap around your heart, marking you as his own.

   After a few minutes of heated tension and messy kisses, you untether from each other and just sit there in the warm, bubbly water, just breathing each other’s air like it’s the only oxygen you need. It’s just you and Joel, your own little safe space, a space he carved out just for you.

   He turns you around and brings your back flush to his chest, wrapping a protective arm around your hips while his lips trace the top of your head until you can only close your eyes and breathe him in. Coffee, cinnamon, a fresh forest with chopped firewood. A warm fire, burning just for you. 

   After another half hour Joel helps you out of the tub, wrapping a soft cotton towel around your soaked body. He uses his large hands to help you dry off, taking slow strokes to your skin as the towel dries the water off your skin. He’s so gentle, careful, even delicate with every move he makes, every touch, every breath. He’s just… perfect. 

   “Here, you can wear some of my sweats. And I’ll get you a clean shirt.” 

   “Oh, okay,” you smile. He brushes his lips over your forehead softly before wrapping a towel around his waist and taking off to his closet, searching around for clothes that you get to wear. 

   You lean against the bathroom doorway and stare mesmerizingly at this beautiful man, watching him toss a long white t-shirt over his bare shoulder as his hands move hangers out of the way to find his sweats. You laugh at the way he tosses hangers to the side, muttering under his breath that he knows he put them right there. You tilt your head back against the bathroom door, assessing him while he works to find you just what you need.

   Your eyes flit to the center of the room where a large mirror hangs and shades of soft cream fill the walls. You freeze when you see it, jaw dropping as you take in what sits on the edge of his mahogany dresser, right where the sunlight catches from the open window. There, right on the crevice of the dresser is a shiny hardcover Iron Flame book. “You bought Iron Flame?”

   “Mhm,” he smiles, turning toward you with a fresh pair of grey sweats in his hand.

   “But why? I thought…”

   “I bought it because it was the closest thing I could get to havin’ you near me when all I wanted was you in my arms.” 

   You look at him wide-eyed, a small smile curling over your mouth as he comes and stands in front of you, trailing a hand slowly down your jawline. “Joel… you finished Fourth Wing?”

   “Two days after the diner, that’s all I did was read. Finished it in one night because I could smell you on the pages. You smell like freshly printed books on a warm summer’s evening, and it had your scent all over those pages, angel.” His lips brush over yours, just long enough to breathe in his fresh cologne, and you feel as if you’re free falling in thin air, but Joel’s right at the bottom, ready to catch you before you collapse. 

   “Joel… I… I’m speechless. You read because it reminded you of me?” you whisper out.

   “Mhm. That’s right, sweet girl. Jus’ for you.” His fingers lace with yours, lips caressing your knuckles as if he’s drinking you in.

   “I… God, I love you.”

   He lifts his eyes and smiles at you as he wraps his arms tightly around your waist. “I love you, too, my beautiful angel…”

   Then his lips are on yours. Soft, gentle, magnetic, electric. And there you go, floating off into a fluffy cloud as his taste and touch send you into a euphoric trance.

   “Are you hungry?” he asks as lets his hands slide from your waist.

   “Mhm.”

   “How ‘bout I cook you come breakfast? But, I have a condition.”

   You raise your eyebrows and playfully smirk at him. “And what’s that?” you giggle.

   “Read to me.” It’s not a question but an ask. He wants you to read to him.

   “You want me to read to you?” Your eyes flick up to his, and those gentle brown eyes are searing into your soul.

   “Yes. Wanna hear that beautiful voice of yours. Read me Iron Flame.”

   You let the words simmer for a few seconds as he slips on a pair of casual jeans and a black t-shirt that clings to his broad chest, making the sculpted muscles flare against his strong build. And his messy curls are still wet and slicked back and so beautiful. This man is more than perfect, he’s yours. Just as you are his.

   “Okay,” you smile, feeling your cheeks blush red as he sends a crooked, adorable smile your way. 

   God, you’re never going to get enough of this man.

   After breakfast, you and Joel end up in his favorite leather recliner. He laces his arms around you and brings you flush against his broad chest, circling his hands with yours as you hold up Iron Flame and quietly read it together. His warm breath blows down the nape of your neck, and you lean into his space, letting the scent of coffee and pine cones envelop the air. You think this is how it always should’ve been, what you’ve been looking for your entire life. It’s Joel. It’s always been Joel. You just had to pave your way through the bad guys to find your knight in shining armor. The one you were always meant to fall in love with.

   “I love you, pretty girl,” he whispers in the shell of your ear, holding you tighter like he never wants to let you go.

   “And I love you too, Joel Miller.”

   “Think these two are endgame?” He’s referring to Violet and Xaden in the book, but you really think he’s talking about you and him.

   “Still got three books to go, but I see it like the ending is right in front of me. They’re so endgame.”

   “Think you’re right, my sweet angel. I think they’re infinite, like you and me.” His lips brush against your forehead, and his fingers lace through yours as you let the next page fall away from your grasp.

   “Infinite, huh?” you whisper.

   “Infinite,” he confirms.

   You tilt your head up and let your lips capture his, saying your feelings as you tug him closer and run your fingers through his thick curls, giggling as he cradles you in his arms and slots his tongue against yours, letting the coffee serenade you with the taste of Joel on your lips.

   You think this is how it should always be, you and him. Right here in his recliner, reading books together, entwined fingers, lips on each other’s as if you both can’t get enough of one another. 

   You were always meant to find him. And he turned out to be your knight in shining armor. And maybe your forever.

   This was just the beginning. You still had a lifetime to go.

[starcrossedreaders]

Pure

  Parings: Rookie!Virgin!Leon Kennedy x Virgin!fem!Reader

Summary: You and Leon have finally made it to the next step of the relationship. Only problem is, you’re both virgins. 

Warnings: Fem Reader 18+ very very fluffy smut that is taken very very slow. Smut with training wheels essentially :) Protected sex (please wear protection anytime you are active) p in v, missionary, mutual masturbation, squirting cunnilingus both male and female

Authors note: This idea came to me late at night sooo, I highly suggest listening to Pure by Cigarettes After Sex because this is HEAVILY inspired by that song. Enjoy!

•┈••✦ ❤ ✦••┈•

The comfort Leon’s lips brought to you was unimaginable. Your tongues danced together at a slow pace. His hands were on your hips, gripping slightly each time you moved a little. Leon couldn’t stand the foreign feeling that was brewing in is gut. It made him hot and heavy and aching for something that wasn’t there.

You and Leon have been dating for little over a year. Having met in a coffee shop on the day after your 21st birthday. Leon had bumped into you, sending the dark liquid crashing all over your clothes. Leon stumbled over his words as he tried to fix his mistake, cursing at his clumsiness. Maybe it was the left over alcohol in your system, or your love for food, but, you had told him he can make it up to you by buying you lunch. Of course Leon could never say no to a beautiful girl like you, and he was wiling to make it up to you in whatever way possible. Soon, lunch led to dinner dates, dinner led to hanging out, and hanging out led to dating, and dating led you guys here, with you in Leon’s lap kissing slowly.

You and Leon had agreed to take it slow so you guys have never pushed your physical intimacy past making out. If Leon was being honest, he liked it this way. Due to his up bringing in a strict religious household anything that went along the lines of sex or masturbation was strictly prohibited. Even when Leon moved out he was so busy with the police academy that sex wasn’t his top priority. Leon couldn’t bring himself to do it, he knew nothing of the nature and he was quiet embarrassed about it. Especially, since his girlfriend is a big advocate in sexual health. He’s over heard conversations you’ve had with friends about how it’s okay for them to not get off to penetration, foreplay is what majority of people use to reach their climax.  Leon didn’t know what foreplay or climax met, and that only scared him more for when the day you guys do decided to take the next step. 

For you though, you were more then ready to take that step. Despite you waiting for the right person to get intimate with, you fully believe that person is Leon. Your vibrator was starting to bore you, and your hand was to mundane. You needed to be filled, more then just your ring and middle fingers. You needed his tongue lapping at your apex as you rake your hands through his hair. You needed to be filled so deep that the tip is bumping into your cervix. You need to be manhandled, tied to a bed and blind folded, or riding a certain someone past no return. But of course, you waited, staying ever the  more patient with your lover. ‘Good things come to those who wait’ was something you constantly told yourself in the late hours of the night when you yearned to feel your boyfriend deep inside of you.

Pulling back for air, you bring your hand down to wipe away the saliva that ran down Leon’s chin. His blue eyes pierced into yours as you two looked at each other.

“Everything okay love?” His whispers floated past your lips and filled the quiet room.  You couldn’t wait anymore. The way you could feel his bulge beneath you, his huge arms gripping you, and the taste of him on your lips, you had to have him, and now. 

“Can.... Can I ask you a serious question?”

“Of course,” He smiled at you as he rubbed idle circles on your hips.

“Are you... Are you willing to take the next step in our relationship? If you don’t want to that’s okay, it’s just...” You trail off of your sentence when you notice the pale expression on your boyfriend’s face. One of his biggest fears came true and he didn’t know how to handle it.

Your voice softened as you cup his cheek, “Hey it’s okay, we don’t have to I was just wondering,”

Leon was quick to shake his head, “No, no it’s not that...”

Your brows furrowed in confusion, “Then what is it?”

Silence filled your shared room as Leon turned his head to look away from you. Red floated up to the tips of his ears and flowed down all the way to his neck.

“I- I uh, um,” He trapped his swollen bottom lip in-between his teeth. 

“Leon I promise it’s fi-,”

“I’m still a virgin! I don’t know anything about sex, when I hear you talking to your friends about it I don’t even understand most of the words you use, and I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’m not going to make you feel good, and then you’ll leave me an-” Your lips crashed into Leon’s bruised lips. You had cut Leon of just as he had done to you

Pulling back you looked at Leon pondering what to tell him, ”Love, I’m a virgin too,”

“R-really?”

“Yes really. I had told myself I was going to wait to till I’m with the right person, and Leon you are that person for me, no matter what you have and haven’t done. We will take it slow, establish boundaries as we go and if you are uncomfortable with it, we will stop.” You thumb stroked his cheek as he looked at you will big doe eyes that were slightly glossed over.

He nodded his head slightly and you returned your lips to his. The kiss was slow and passionate. Despite his tongue dipping past your lips there was nothing eager about the kiss. Pulling back you started to trail kisses down Leon’s jaw. Starting from the edge of mouth and moving lower tracing the sharp lines of his jaw with your lips. When you reached his neck you started to suck and bite, causing him to groan. After leaving a few love bites you pulled back and toyed with the hem of his shirt.

“Consent is everything, always ask before you do. It might be redundant but it helps establish trust, and quite frankly I think it’s very very hot,” Leon plays with the hem of your shorts as he nods his head.

“May I?” You tug a little at his shirt.

“Mhm,” he eagerly nodded his head before you were quick to lift his shirt over his head.

Leon was quick to connect your lips again this time he takes the lead. He followed you actions and left hickies all along your neck and down to your cleveage. 

“May I take your shirt off love?” his voice was soft as it floated to your ears.

“Of course,” Leon’s calloused hands traveled up from your thighs to the inside of your shirt around your stomach. His soft touch sent shivers down your spine as he took his hands out from your shirt and gripped the hem of your shirt. He gave you one last look for confirmation before he slowly lifted it up. He stopped right before your perked up nipples. 

“It’s okay love, here let me help you,” Your hands landed on top of his and you slowly guided his hands up, up and over your head. 

Matching pink adorned cheeks sat on your guys faces as Leon took in the sight in front of him, and you watch Leon practically drool over your tits. 

“C-can I touch them?” This was the first time Leon had seen you this naked, and if he was being honest, he was a little upset that this is what he has been missing out on for so long. 

You could feel your arousal pool into your shorts “Gods, please Leon, touch me, I want to feel your hands all over me,” You were quick to grab his hands and lead them to your aching nipples. 

His cold hands made you arch your back further into his touch as a moan laid in the back of your throat. “Fuck Leon,” 

Your hands held onto his as he rolled your left nipple in his hand and dived back into your neck. This feeling was indescribable the ecstasy was too addicting, and you wanted more, you wanted to be inebriated all the time. 

Your hands trailed down your body and slowly made their way to Leon’s soaked crotch. You didn’t know if it was his fluids or yours, in fact it was probably a mix of both of them.

“Fuck Leon, can I touch you, please let me touch you,” Your hands ghosted over his crotch and his breath hitched.

“P-please,” Leon lifted his hips up and tried to yank his boxers down, in his futile attempt you had finished the job for him. 

His raging cock sprang out and smack him in the stomach. The tip was an angry red with pre-cum oozing out from the top. The vein underneath was bulging and all you could do was stare. Your own arousal slid down your leg on to his, “Fuck Y/N, take them off,” Leon’s voice had darken in demand, taking your bottom lip in your teeth you eagerly nod your head and lift off of Leon to slide your shorts off. Who were you to say no to him? 

Your sopping pussy was the most beautiful thing Leon has ever seen in his life his cock twitched, yearning to be stuffed deep in your dripping hole. 

“Can I touch it?” Your soft voice pulled Leon out of his trance. Leon eagerly nodded his head.

You clicked your tongue and lean into Leon’s ear, “Use your words baby,” the groan that came from the back of his throat was music to your ears. His grip on you was sure to leave bruises but you didn't mind, you wanted this night to last forever. 

“Fuck, yes! Touch me. Use me however you want, I'm yours,” You leaned back on his thighs and bent over slightly. Hovering over his angry cock you collected a ball of spit on the tip of your tongue. Parting your lips you let is slowly fall down on top of  his member. A thin string of saliva kept you connected before your pointer finger spread the natural lubricate.

Leon thought he was going to cum right then and there. He’s never cummed before, if that’s what it’s even called but the bubbling feeling in his groin was over whelming. His hips bucked into your hand for more friction. Being the loving girlfriend you are you gave him what he wanted and wrapped your hand around his pulsing cock. He was so thick your fingers barely touched each other on either side. Starting at a slow pace you went up up up, then down down down. Leon’s whimpers made you clench around thin air. You could see him tighten his core with each pump and you knew he wouldn’t last any longer. 

His strained gasps filled the room, “F-fuck, I’m going to c-cu-,” You were quick to wrap your lips around the tip of his cock and kitten lick the slit. Salty pre-cum coated your tongue and you couldn’t have enjoyed the taste more. The warm feeling of your mouth caused Leon to jerk forward and grip your hair. 

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK,” sliding your head down further Leon pulsed in your mouth as hot streams of cum coated the back of your throat. Trying not to choke  you were quick to pull off of his cock and swallow every single last drop of cum he gave you. You pumped his cock a few more times before his hand gripped yours making your stop.

You sat up and bent over to the nightstand next to Leon, “Whenever we have sex you’re using a condom, if it’s not wrapped we’re not playing,” You opened the top drawer and tore a single condom off the string of them. 

“O-of course,” Leon’s breath was shaky.

 On the outside he might seem very nervous but on the inside he is doing cartwheels, he’s so excited to feel what it would be like to be inside of you. If your mouth was that heavenly you pussy had to be even better.

You hum in delight, “May I?”  His eager nods was enough conformation for you.

 Leon thought the look you gave him would make him cum on the spot. As you brought the shiny purple foil packet to your teeth, your eyes bore straight into his while you bat your lashes. You gripped the packet between your top and bottom teeth. As you pulled the packet down the foil slowly ripped open to reveal the lubed up latex. When you took it out of the wrapping your nose scrunched up at the slimy texture.  

“I’m going to put it on now,” Leon couldn’t form any coherent words. All he could do was squeeze his eyes shut and throw his head back.

You gently place the cold rubber on Leon’s red tip. The cool sensation caused him to buck his upwards. In one fluid motion you slide the condom down while his hips went up. You made sure to leave room at the top to collect his cum.  Still sitting back on his thighs you leaned back further putting your left hand on his ankle for support. Spreading your thighs apart you took your right hand and dipped your middle and ring finger between your folds. Your glistening pussy caused Leon’s dick to jerk on it’s own.

“Fuckk baby, you’re that wet?” Leon’s groans made you throw your own head back.

“See what you do to me Leon, you drive me insane,” You rubbed a few circles on your aching clit before slowing sinking your two fingers in your soppy hole. 

Gasping from the sudden intrusion your fingers curled up against your walls causing your juices to drip from your hand. 

“P-please, please please please let me feel you wrap around me, I can’t handle this anymore,” Leon begging was like a orchestra, an orchestra you could listen to all day.

Leon didn’t appreciate how lightly you took his begging, he was serious and he was dead set on being in you. Leon hooked his each hand behind your knees and slide you all the way to his chest. Chest to chest your hand was flushed against his crotch, although this didn’t last long. Wrapping your legs around his waist he dipped you back with your head slightly hanging off of the bed and him caging you in. 

Leon was quick to yank your hand out of your wet hole as he lowered himself in-between your thighs. “Are you okay if I get a taste?” 

You couldn’t believe your boyfriend, your sweet shy boyfriend is asking to eat you out. Lifting your head slightly you nod your as your wrap your fingers in his silky hair and buck your hips into his nose,

“Ah ah, use your words sweet girl,”

“YES! Yes please eat me out, I’ll do anything,” You shoved his head to your soaking core and he obliged to your begging.

Wrapping his hands around your thighs to keep them open he stuck his tongue out and licked one big stripe from your leaking hole to your puffy clit. The pornographic moan you let out had Leon slightly grinding his aching cock against the mattress. 

“hmm fuck, you taste s’good,” Leon feasted upon you like a starved man. His tongue abused your clit with his small kitten licks and occasional kiss. 

His nose bumped into your clit as he moved his tongue to your hole, teasing it slightly. Suddenly, he plunged his tongue in hitting the spongy spot you have dreamed about him hitting. Arching your back off the mattress your thighs squeezed his had as you pulled his hair. 

“Oh fuck,” 

“You like that baby?” His voice vibrated up your core causing your feet to curl. 

Leon took this reaction as a good sign and continued to hit the same spot over and over again, despite his muscle getting tired, he would do anything to make you cum. 

White spots invaded your vison as blood rushed to your hanging head. With the faint feeling and the overwhelming pleasure you could feel the knot tightening.

“Le-Leon,” Your breathes came out raggedy.

He hummed in acknowledgement sending more vibrations to your core, “I-I’m going to cu-cum, oh fuck,” 

“Let go pretty girl, cum all over my face. Gods you taste so sweet,” His pace quickened  and soon you were falling.

The knot snapped and stars flooded your vision as Leon drowned in your ecstasy. 

“Fuck, just like that,” His thumbs rubbed circles on your thighs as you came down from the stars. 

Leon slid your body down so your head was no longer hanging off of the bed. Your juices dripped from his chin onto your chest as he leaned over you caging your in.

“My sweet girl,” He crashed his lips into yours allowing you to taste your own juices. 

You wiggled your hand in-between your sweaty bodies and pumped his raging cock. Leon moaned into the kiss the faster you moved your hand. Pulling back Leon wiped the rest of your juices with the back of his hand. 

“Open up love,” Leon pinched your chin  between his pointer, his index and his thumb just like the morning paper he reads every Sunday.

He softly opened your mouth for you and shoved his middle and ring finger in your mouth, “Now suck,” 

The newfound dominance had you wanting more, always you wanted more. You loved seeing your boyfriend crack out of his shell. Of course, you loved his soft side too, but there something about the way he can easily over-power you and have you at his mercy that made your pussy throb.  

Following your orders, your tongue worked around each digit before giving each one their own undivided attention. You would suck occasionally as your tongue waltzed around his fingers. You guys stayed like this for a few moments, you pumping his cock while you sucked on his fingers.

Once Leon was satisficed with your work he was quick to pull his fingers out of your mouth, “Such a good girl,”

Your fingers trailed his as he lowered them down to your core, “May I?” He quickly glanced in your direction.

“Please Leon, stuff my pussy with your fingers,” you groaned as you bucked your hips up for some friction.

“Yea? My sweet girl wants to be full? I think I could mange that,” Soon, he plunged his wet fingers in your hole. You arched your back off of the bed as both your hand went to grip the bedsheet.

“No,no,no love, you still have jerk me off. Can you do that for me?” His angelic voice contradicted his sinful acts.

You simply nodded your head as you brought your right hand back to pump his cock. Leon’s fingers curled upwards hitting the tip of your cervix, that made you see stars. Your tongue stuck out with drool dripping down the side of your mouth and your eyes in the back of your head. Leon’s abuse on your cervix got harder and faster and all you could think about is coming undone again. Although this time it felt different.... too different.

Your right hand gripped Leon’s moving arm and you scrunched up and squealed in his ear, “Leon s-stop I’m go-going to p-” before you could finish your pleas clear juices came out like a waterfall. You had just squirted all over your boyfriend, from his chest all the down to his thighs. Leon had just made you squirt. An act you thought your body would never be able to do, especially during your first time, and your boyfriend had just proved you wrong. 

“oh what the fuck-” Leon mumbled under his breath as he pulled his soaked fingers out.

“What was that?” Leon was afraid he just hurt you. Did he break open something inside of you? are you in pain? Why the fuck was that so hot?

“Are you okay?” Falling back on the soaked bed you just nodded your head.

“I just squirted... Holy shit, I just squirted!” Leon was so confused.

“Sooo, I didn’t hurt or break you?” Your gazed soften at his concerned words.

“No love, you just took me to heaven and back. Now I want you to do it again. I can’t get enough of your Leon, I need you in me,”

“Are you sure, We can do that an-,” Your hand grabbed his still throbbing cock and led it towards your entrance.

“Please fill me,” 

“Who am I to tell you no, you’ve been so good to me tonight,” His hand wrapped around yours as he teased your hole before sticking to tip in.

 Leon thought he was going to cum right then and there. He was quick to pull back, “Baby I can’t, anymore and I’ll cum right away,”

“Come on baby, you can  it, I believe in you. Take a deep breath, you can do it,” Leon followed your soft words as he stuck the tip back in. He took a sharp breath in-between his teeth as he eased himself into you. His head was thrown back and his eyes were glued shut.

The burning sensation brought tears to your eyes, how were you going to fit his thick cock into you is a mystery but you will sure as hell will try to take it all. Leon was about half way in when he finally opened his eyes and looked down at you. Fat tears slide down your cheeks as your forearm rested over your eyes.

Leon lightly pulled your arm away placing your hand above your head as tangled his fingers with yours. “Baby look at me,” 

Opening your eyes you looked up to find Leon already looking back at you. His blue eyes bore into yours as he halted his movements.

“Are you okay?” His hand cups your face as he brushes a few stray tears away.

You nod your head a little, “Y-yes, the more you move the less it’ll hurt,” He just nodded his a head a little before he resumed his advancements. 

The feeling of your warm pussy sheathed around him almost hurt but he couldn’t bring himself to pull out. You needed this just as much as he did, and he is willing to give it all to you. 

Your legs wrapped around his waist with your feet slightly resting on his butt, pulling Leon in a little closer he finally bottomed out. All Leon could do is stay there in pure ecstasy.

“Let me know when you want me to move,” His words come out as a breathy moan as he looked down at you. Your bottom lip was trapped in-between your teeth as your eyes squeezed shut. 

Taking a deep breath in, on the exhale you opened your eyes, “Okay..” Leon barely missed your que for him.

Sliding his hips back he was quick to move them forward again. His pace was slow and steady as his hips rocked back and forth against yours. Your back arched up and off of the bed as your nails found salvation on Leon’s back that would for sure leave red marks in the morning. 

Leon dipped his head down near you ear, his sweet whimpers was the only thing you could hear. Moans pushed past your lips as you craved more.

“Faster,” You let out breathy moans as Leon  picked up his pace. 

The bed slightly creaked under your moving bodies as moans filled the room. With each thrust you were brought closer and closer to edge. Leon whispered sweet nothings into your ear. 

A bead of sweat formed in his hairline as he kept up his pace. Your pussy was squeezing him so tightly. He knew he was close, and he hoped you were just as close.

“Fuck baby I’m going to cum,” Slapping skin and moans filled the room as you each neared your release. 

Hot breath slid down your neck before Leon trailed kisses all along your collarbone.

“I’m close, I’m so so close,” Your words were like a mantra repeating over and over again.

Your clenched pussy made it harder for Leon to move as he got closer and closer. 

“Leon, Leon Le-,” Arching up and off of the bed you fully clenched around him as you were pushed over the edge. Your juices wrapped around his cock and dripped out between your bodies. 

The warmth of your pussy and wetness of your ecstasy was the final straw for Leon. “Fuck,” with one last slam of his hips into yours his cum filled the condom. 

Your eyes stayed shut as you focused on your breathing, Leon trailed soft kisses around your face before he reached your lips. His soft lips pressed into yours before he spoke up once again. “I love you so much.”

[mondaymelon]

₊˚ෆ 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐁𝐎𝐘 | xiao, childe, kazuha, scaramouche x gn!reader

ˋ°•*⁀➷ cw: fluff. established relationship, yeah that's it. writer's block hits again!!

⤷ [ the little things they do when they think you’re not looking ෆ]

— xiao, who... glances at your fingers often, a longing gaze that's only present when he thinks your eyes aren't on him. he's too scared to reach out and take your hand, intertwining his and yours fingers together, despite how much he yearns for the feeling of you. he wants your warmth. it's bright, it's comforting, it soothes something restless inside him. your presence is radiant, like the sun's rays, and he wants to bask in it.

"xiao?" your voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and his face instantly warms the slightest. he's been caught, hasn't he? he slowly trails his golden eyes up to your face with a rather sheepish expression, like a criminal caught in the act.

"...yes?" shit, his voice sounds way too tentative. if you hadn't noticed anything off before, you certainly did now. his cold enough exterior remains as he watches you try to hold back a bout of laughter.

"love. if you want to hold my hand, you don't need to ask."

swiftly, like the cunning being you are, you take his hand in yours, just how he wanted to. there's warmth in your hand, and he can feel it through his gloves. not enough. he withdraws with reluctance, spurring confusion in you. "oh, did i assume wrong? sorry, i didn't think..." your words trail off as you watch xiao swiftly dispose of his gloves, and then his fingers are intertwined with yours, his callused hands against your smooth ones.

"then..." his face is noticeably red, and the gold in his eyes seems to have softened at your touch. he brings up the back of your hand to his lips, his words leaving the ghost of a breath lingering on your skin. "this is okay, right?" his fleeting lips kiss them in a way so gentle you'd thought never be possible, and you don't need a mirror to tell how flustered he's made you.

"xiao, you-"

"don't refuse me now, love."

— childe, who... tends to stand behind you a lot, just so that he can glare at whoever you're talking to that's speaking a little too comfortably. his dead eyes will give them a brief answer, and then he'll scoff under his breath, as if they aren't worth his attention. small pests like this lived to be exterminated, and he'd be happy to do the honors, but the way your smiling without a care in the world makes him pause.

"childe, we need to talk." your voice is serious. fuck, were you going to break up with him? had he not been good enough? fatui duties were so annoyingly persistent, but he'd finished them up as fast as he could so he could come home to you, like he promised... was that not enough? of course it wasn't enough, he should've-

"childe? i can see you standing behind that wall. get over here." his heart drops to his stomach, and he comes out from behind his hiding place with a wobbly grin.

"ahaha, you got me! what's... what's this all about?" his words die in his throat at the exasperated look you're giving him.

"childe, you can't keep doing this." doing what? "you're scaring all my friends and-"

"...friends?" there's astoundment in his voice, and his eyes are wide. "oh- i mean, yeah of course. what else?"

you sigh, yet your face can't help but break into a smile at his antics. "what, did you think i'd break up with you? no chance in hell. it's just that you've been glaring a whole lot at my friends lately and they've issued several complaints that i've had to endure-"

you're cut short as the taller man engulfs you in a tight hug, using a hand on the back of your head to press you against him. your face is on his chest, and through the fabric you can hear how his heart races.

"you can't scare me like this, love. not again, pinky promise?"

— kazuha, who... likes to smile. a lot. whenever he's around you, his serene expression changes, the corners of his lips curving upwards, eyes shining as he spots you from however far away. shh, don't tell anyone, but secretly, your occasional visits to the crux are what he looks forward to the most in his days, quietly yearning to see the bright smile on your face one more time.

"kazuha?"

his head tilts as he directs his full attention on you, as if it already wasn't in the moments prior. "yes?" his crimson eyes glow with warmth, the warmth you've granted him.

"why do you always... smile so much?" it's not unnerving, no, not in the slightest. the way it sets his face alight is beautiful, if anything. but you've heard of his past, and you're wary that it might all just be a show he's acting out so you won't have to worry over him. that self-sacrificial idiot.

kazuha seems startled by the questions, his eyes growing round before his quietly laughs into his fist, his chuckles like birdsong against the wind. he leans forward, resting his face in his bandaged palm. "love, is it not obvious? it's because of you that i'm able to smile like this."

he's acting so cheeky right now. it makes you want to kiss him, with just how romantic he's making the situation. your face is flushed, you're well aware, and kazuha captures it all in his knowing gaze, smiling still. "kazuha, you have quite the way with words, don't you?" suddenly, something you overheard from the sailors arises amongst other thoughts.

[ "hey, haven't you thought that kazuha doesn't smile often?"

you had scoffed then, a plain lie. they must not see him often.

"ah, you poor, unknowing fools." a proud voice this time, a female one, one riddled with a laugh. you could catch a glimpse of the brown hair. "don't you know that he only smiles when his lover comes around?"

a collective gasp. ]

his eyes are warm. his voice is warm. he is a man of warmth, like the yearning leaves on the wind. kazuha stirs something within you, and you can't help but break into the slightest of smiles.

"love, the truth has a way of captivating an audience."

— scaramouche, who... is not well versed on whatever he's feeling right now. he'll try and hide it all he wants, turning his head away whenever you're not staring in his direction so he can hide the furious crimson that has dusted his cheeks. is he flustered? as if. you're not quite skilled enough to pull such a feat. yet...

"scara?" your finger grazes his cheek as you gaze at him with concern in your eyes. it's almost irritating, how persistent you are, but he'll allow it. he'll allow it, because it's making him feel a rush in his blood, and it makes him warm. "are you okay? your face is red."

shit. it is? he immediately covers his face with his hands, and prepares to flee. look at him, the exalted sixth harbinger of the goddamn fatui, about to run with his tail between his legs like this. his dignity attempts to pull him to his seat, but the thunderous rush in his ears, audible to himself, is something that you should never witness. it's shameful.

your hand latches onto his wrist, and you stare up at him, brows slightly furrowed as your lips formed a pout. "as i thought, you're unwell. c'mon, let's get you to bed, and then i'll-"

"no." his refusal is instant. his own voice rings in his ears. how it even possible to feel this way? you called him your lover, but it was something he had just... agreed to, in the heat of the moment. he clutches the fabric of his clothes so tightly they almost twist in his hold. the empty silence is all he needs to confirm it. no, he could never love someone like you. or anyone at all.

with grudging certainty, he knows. if he were to fall, it'd be you that he'd yearn for. yearn. perhaps... was that the longing he felt whenever he saw that soft gaze of yours, or faced your very presence? the two of you were already lovers, so why couldn't he bring himself to pull you closer into his arms?

"scara? love, what are you..." the use of a nickname catches him off guard. you know exactly what you're doing to him, don't you? despite that, he can't help but fall deeper and deeper.

"say that again. call me love again."

(a/n) tried doing a different style of writing this time? pretty silly if i do say so myself !! sorry for the shorter length existential crisis loves me so mmuch

໒꒱ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ (open! send an ask or a comment ♡) : @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @achlysis, @swivy123

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Limerence

Content Includes: Bang Chan x sub!fem reader, shower sex, praise, a lot of angst, comfort sex , established relationship, needy and clingy Bang Chan,  Chan is in his feels, 18+, it’s soft but deep in emotion. 

Word Count: 450

It scared Chan with how much he loved you. 

It was suffocating, it consumed him and he just didn’t want to fucking STOP. 

Life was tough. Things were rough and work was exhausting. 

When you suggested having a shower together, just to BE together for a small amount of time, his skin shivered with need and chest ached with desire. 

Firm hands gripped your hips tightly as he felt your hands on his chest, the scent of pomegranate filling the air as you washed him. 

You were so attentive, so giving despite the heaviness in your eyes and it caused Chan’s heart to burst with overwhelming care and yearning, his jaw clenched and eyes sharp. 

‘God, I need you. ‘ 

His voice sounded fractured at the end, like he had just revealed something that was locked in the confines in his soul. 

Your hands gracefully stopped and laid still on his arms, looking up at him and noticing the darkness in his gaze, his eyes showed what his body and words could hide. 

Chan was longing for you, he missed you and there was a craving amongst his stare. 

‘You have me baby’ 

You reassured him, softening your voice and offering a small smile. 

‘You have me’. 

A step towards you and your back was pressed against the wall, hands cupping your face and his lips against your temple. 

‘I know…but it’s not enough’. 

The steam of the shower filled the space as Chan’s face was buried in your neck, his teeth marking your skin and his cock firm and hard inside of you, leg wrapped around his hip and your free hand laced in his hair. 

‘I love you, fuck I need you so much’. 

His muscles were tight and veins prominent as he thrusted upwards, his hips snapping so aggressively you slid upwards, his body shaking against yours, you probably would have slipped by now if Chan wasn’t completely supporting your weight against him. 

‘I can’t cope-’ His voice cracked, tears in his eyes.

‘I can’t cope if you’re not here’. 

All the hidden thoughts and feelings rushed to the surface, repressed vulnerability and honesty pooling on the tip of his tongue. 

‘I need you with me just so I can fucking breathe’. 

He moved his hand to your thigh, lifting it higher and widening the angle, his cock hitting deeper and his pacing to stagger, moving more quickly as he was reaching his peak. 

‘I love you so much it hurts baby’ 

He kissed you deeply, pouring his heart and soul into your body with his tongue and mouth, pressing himself against you more so you truly were skin-to-skin. 

‘I can’t stop…and I don’t want to.’

Author Commentary: I got my period and I was in my feels and Chan fics are my comfort go-to’s. And then I just had a thought about how Chan’s natal chart indicates he could ‘lose himself’ in his partner and then I wrote this. 

And I fucking loved writing this because these angsty, comforting pieces are what fill my romantic and cynical heart.

Taglist: @hipster-shiz @creativechaoticloner @cherry-0420 @umbralhelwolf @scuzmunkie @marievllr-abg @starsareseen @lino-jagiyaa @mischiefsmind @mrcarrots @craxy-person @junieshohoho @partywithgyu @whatsk-poppinhomies @hologramhoneymoon @gyuhanniescarat @staytinyinmybpack @sensitiveandhungry @necessiteez @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @berryberrytan @laylasbunbunny @bangchanbabygirlx @i-love-ateez @anyamaris @lemonhongjoong @krishastumblernow @hexheathen @michel-angelhoe @northerngalxy @lyramundana @daddysspecialdollyworld

[spidrgirl]

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅

RANDOM MILES MORALES HEADCANONS:

Masterlist: here ➼

Pairing: Miles Morales x fem friend he has a crush on! ᥫ᭡

Synopsis: headcanons of Miles and a girl he's friends with, but also has a teeny tiny crush on.

Genre: fluff/friends to lovers (lol, can you tell that this is my fav trope 😜?)

Word count: idk

Authors note: I made these headcanons with a fem!reader in mind, but I think most of these are gender neutral.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅

➳ Miles texts you throughout the day, even about the smallest details, needing to feel connected even when you're apart. When you don’t respond immediately, he starts second-guessing himself, checking his messages over to see if he said something wrong, worrying you might be upset with him.

➳ Every time you two part, he lingers, hands fidgeting or glancing back at you with a soft look. Sometimes, he even comes up with the smallest excuses—"I forgot to tell you something" or "Do you need help carrying anything?"—just so he can stay a little longer.

➳ Physical touch is everything to him. Even the lightest brush of your hand is enough to set his heart racing. He quietly aches for you to touch him more, but he's too nervous to ask, scared of seeming too needy or crossing a line.

➳ No matter what he's doing, if you call or text, Miles immediately stops and responds. He could be in the middle of training or just trying to relax, but your messages are his priority. You can't help but remember that one time when he was texting you back while mid-mission, and it just proves how much he needs to feel close to you.

➳ After a late-night patrol, he often lies awake, replaying the last time you were together in his mind. He wishes he could talk to you, even if it’s just in comfortable silence. Sometimes he even imagines what it’d be like if you were there, lying next to him, sharing everything he’s been holding inside.

➳ Sitting in silence next to you on lazy afternoons is one of his favorite things. He’s content just being near you, but the urge to confess his feelings bubbles up more strongly in these quiet moments. He bites his tongue, afraid that telling you might change what you have.

➳ When you’re talking, he holds your gaze, completely captivated. Even in casual conversation, the way you look at him grounds him. It’s like he's the only one you’re seeing in that moment, and he feels an overwhelming warmth from it.

➳ Miles checks in with you constantly. Even if it’s a small “you good?” or “need anything?” he wants to know you're okay and feels a sense of purpose in being there for you.

➳ He loves catching subtle traces of your scent on his clothes after you've been together—it makes him feel closer to you when you're not around, like he's carrying a part of you with him.

➳ If you’re watching a movie or sitting together, he’ll lean in closer than necessary, just to be in your space. There’s a comfort he finds in those moments that he can’t quite put into words.

➳ Miles remembers even the smallest kind words you say to him, and they replay in his mind like a cherished memory. When he's feeling low, he holds onto those words, letting them remind him of his worth in your eyes.

➳ Every accidental touch—your hand brushing his, your shoulder against his—he holds onto them, wishing they’d last just a little longer. Sometimes, he leaves his hand where it is, silently hoping you'll reach out again.

➳ As much as he admires your strength and independence, there's a part of him that yearns for you to need him, even if just a little. It’s not that he wants to change you, but being the one you rely on, even briefly, fills him with a quiet pride.

➳ He's always seeking your validation, not only because he values your opinion, but because your approval brings him a sense of security. He might even agree with things he doesn’t totally believe in, just to feel more connected to you.

➳ Even though he tries to play it cool when you call or text, his heart races. He'll act casual, but deep down, your attention is everything to him.

➳ Sitting close to you feels like it's never enough. He wants more time with you, more connection, but he’s scared of coming on too strong and pushing you away.

➳ He loves those rare, late-night conversations that go on until the early hours. When they end, he’s left with a quiet longing, wishing he could hold onto those moments forever.

➳ Sometimes, without realizing it, Miles can be a little overbearing in his need to help you. He’ll offer to carry your things, walk you home, or do tasks you didn’t ask for, just to feel useful to you.

➳ His biggest fear is that one day you’ll move on, and he’ll just be a memory in your life. It’s a thought that keeps him awake some nights, silently hoping he’ll always have a place in your world.

➳ If he senses you’re upset or distant, he tries even harder to be there for you, even if it’s just in small ways, like sending a meme or giving you a small gift. He wants to remind you that he's still around.

➳ Miles asks you questions about your day, your thoughts, your feelings—he just wants to know you better and to feel closer to you.

➳ Arguments or disagreements with you make him uneasy. He’ll often apologize first, even when he’s unsure of what he did wrong, just to make sure things are okay between you.

➳ If he notices you’re upset, he goes into “protector” mode, wanting to fix the situation and be the one to make things better, even if it’s beyond his control.

➳ If a day goes by without seeing you, he’ll often send you a random meme or a quick message, just to re-establish contact and let you know he’s thinking about you.

➳ He subtly frames conversations in ways that might lead to you complimenting him or showing him affection. He craves your reassurance but tries not to make it too obvious.

➳ When you’re together, he unconsciously leans into your space—his knee brushing yours, his arm near you. He might not ask for more, but his body language shows just how much he wants you close.

➳ If you start talking about someone else, especially another guy, he’ll find a way to steer the conversation back to the two of you, needing your attention on him, if only for a moment.

➳ There are times he feels so vulnerable around you that he wants to confess everything, but he holds back, afraid of losing what you already have. Instead, he stays quiet, holding onto those feelings in silence.

[3minsover]

AUgust Day 30:

steve tries to employ his ‘act like you don’t care’ method when he realizes he has a crush on eddie.

it’s about a month or so after vecna, and the party are more inseparable than they’ve ever been, older teens included, and eddie’s settled in like he’s been one of the gang since day one.

the moment steve realizes that old familiar fluttering in his stomach, the telltale thrum of blood rushing to his cheeks as eddie plucks out nameless tunes on his acoustic or asks steve if he wants to come over to get high or watch a movie, steve knows exactly what’s happening. it doesn’t scare him as much as he thought it would, falling for one of his best friends, especially not one who’s a guy. he doesn’t really know the protocol for a situation such as this, but some habits die hard, and something in steve’s brain is still hardwired to receive that hit of endorphins and return to the routines of old.

thing is, steve’s never put on this show when there’s another guy involved. with girls, he can be cool and suave and just the right side of dismissive until he has them begging to be even offered a palm to eat out of.

but eddie’s different. both in that he’s a guy, and steve’s pretty sure this same move isn’t going to work on him, but also, eddie’s different. eddie’s something special. something that feels like the first splash of rainfall after a drought. eddie has him yearning in a way he’d never thought himself even capable. and as fiercely as he longs to just grab eddie by the face and kiss the mischievous grin from his lips in the hopes it makes his insides smile too, steve brushes eddie off just as much. he waves quick, flippant ‘hey’s (but he longs to furl eddie up in a hug, bury his face in the collar of his leather jacket), he blinks away eddie’s jokes with just the practiced hint of a smirk (though he wishes he’d just let himself laugh), he offers backhanded compliments (when he’s desperate to tell eddie he has the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen, and that he wants them to be the first thing he sees in the morning until the day he dies).

eddie shrugs it all off for a couple weeks with only a twitching narrow of his eyes, a deliberate, searching stare.

steve thinks maybe, just maybe, this has worked.

until eddie confronts him about it.

“hey, did i do something?”

“what?”

“did i- you’ve been- you got a problem with me?”

“why would you- what? no!” steve tries to protest, but eddie barrels on, sounds just so demoralised it’s hard to listen to.

“look, if you don’t like me being around or whatever, just say it, man. i can’t take all this cold shoulder shit anymore.”

steve blinks hard, dumbfounded, with the sinking realization that his trademark move hadn’t worked - if anything, it’d done the exact opposite of what he hoped. steve had felt that electricity with every glance at eddie, but he now fears he’s crossed some wires somewhere, and it was the spark of faulty cables, rather than the fizz of something mutual. and if steve’s plan has backfired, the only thing left for him to do is come clean.

“i don’t have a problem with you. i mean, i guess i kinda do have a problem with you, but- but!” steve preempts eddie’s inevitable crestfallen sigh with the raise of his pointer fingers, both staying and apologetic all at once. “but it’s not a problem you caused. it kinda is but it’s also not. shit i used to be so good at this. i have a problem with you because i don’t know what to do with you. i don’t know how to be around you without- without- you’re always so- so alive and fun and sweet and just looking at you makes me want to scream into my pillow, but in like, a good way? and my heart gets all- and your eyes are just- so. i guess i got a problem with you, because i… want you to be my problem. i want you- uh. yeah.”

eddie is silent for a long moment, and steve can almost see each of his words slotting into place behind eddie’s eyes. “steve. i… i’m not gonna do us both the disservice of pretending i understood all of what you just said, but i think i got the highlights?”

steve rakes a minutely trembling hand through his hair, finding anything to break up the sudden stillness.

“you did? cause even i feel like I’ve talked myself round in circles here.”

“i think so. let me get this straight. you… think i’m fun?”

“yup.”

“looking at me makes you want to-”

“scream into my pillow, yeah.”

“oh- oh okay. noted. and um, you,” eddie starts slowly, seems to be feeding the words out carefully like it’ll spook steve to hear them from another mouth but his own. “you want me to be your problem.” steve swallows, inhales deep, and nods.

“yeah. cause, i guess to me it wouldn’t really be a problem. it would- that would be something i wanted. you’re- something i wanted- want. god, this is harder than i thought.” steve chuckles nervously and eddie just stares, mouth hanging just a little open.

“but you…” eddie starts, brows knitting in confusion, “you don’t like me. you barely talk to me even though i wanna talk to you whenever you’re around, even when i’m trying to make you laugh you hardly even smile, and i try to make you laugh like, all the time- oh.” something flashes in eddie’s eyes as he stops himself dead in the middle of his sentence. “oh my god. you- you were- shit, dustin talked my ear off about this; act like, uh, like you don’t care, huh?”

steve’s already burning cheeks threaten to start giving off smoke, and he’s about ready to hotfoot it out the door and disappear forever, but then eddie smiles, and it’s one of those devilish, smirky, sparkling smiles that steve loves.

“you got me, harrington,” eddie admits on an exhale. “you got me good with that. got me hooked.”

steve winces a little, tries to smile back.

“i did?”

“shit, yeah. you’re better than i thought.” eddie chuckles giddily; it makes steve smile for real.

“so, i can admit that i actually do like you now? that i’ve been crushing on you for like, months?”

taking a step closer and placing his palms flat against steve’s chest, eddie drops his voice low, “yeah, yeah you can. because then i can say i like you back.”

turns out steve’s plan had worked, just not in the way he expected. but nothing with eddie ends up how steve expected, and that’s just one addition to the list of things he loves about him. that list will grow longer as the years pass, a never-ending record of things to love.

steve’ll apologize for the whole mind game thing later, but for now, he simply rests his hands over eddie’s, and tips his head forward until their foreheads touch. he whispers, “hey, eddie. i really like you. let me take you on a date sometime?”

and eddie whispers back, “hey, stevie. i like you a hell of a lot too. and yeah, obviously - thanks for finally asking.”

[nelapanela94]

“I like you like you, and I have no idea what to do about it.”

You want to reach out to him, hold him, but you’re not sure if it is the right thing to do.

“I want to be by your side. Always,” you whisper, seeing the little boy inside of him that just wants to be loved. Not beaten black and blue. Not being called hero; not being called humanity’s strongest soldier. He looks at you with an expression that is completely unguarded.

You don’t overthink this time. For once you’re brave, all the love you amassed for years drives you to him, in a fleeting touch of lips. The deities listened to your prayers, he’s alive, safe and doesn’t have to brandish a sword anymore. You have the rest of your boring lives to draft the story you yearn for.

Only if he’s willing to.

You touch his cheek, brushing the tears away. The room is cold, even after the nurse had closed the window before leaving. He lets his face be held and you can feel him melt into you. Before you know it, he’s in your arms, his head now buried in the space between your shoulder and chest, your fingers lost in the silky ends of his hair.

“When you see me what do you see, y/n?” His voice is hoarse in pain. You feel his trembling, the hissing of his every fiber. His tears kiss your skin through the weave of your shirt.

“A scared little boy, a brave soldier, the most handsome man.”

A chuckle ripples down his chest, wreaking havoc on his ribcage.

“I will never be that man again, y/n.” He says in a brittle murmur. “With this body I will never be able to protect you." He pauses, moistening his chapped lips. "You’re free now to do whatever you want.”

“And I want to be with you.” You press a kiss on his cheek, on the untarnished skin.

“Save the pity.”

You pull away and look at his broken eyes through the bandages. “It’s not pity what ties me to you. I love you, Levi.”

“But-“ He gazes down, misty eyed, recalling the day Kenny walked away for not being strong enough. Now he can’t even wipe his ass without help.

Fuck.

Embarrassment, shame, chagrin consume him.

A useless, bedridden drop of a man.

You don’t deserve this.

You’re still young, pretty, and wild. And no matter how badly he craves a life with you, he can’t be selfish.

With a quivering iris, he looks at you in the eye, at the brink of falling apart. “Please go, y/n.” He takes a deep breath, waits two seconds, detaching, and snuggles under the white sheets.

Beads of tears glisten on your eyelashes. “Is that what you want?” Your voice snaps like dry leather.

But he can’t meet your eyes and answer you because he cannot lie to your face.

The chair legs screech, you grab your purse; he can hear the keys clanking about. Your footsteps dwindle, the doorknob turns. A black hole opens in the middle of his chest, engulfing it all.

You wait, beg silently for him to stop you. But the further you go, more and more cracks appear, rupturing the future you dreamed of.

He loves you too, and has no idea what to do about it.

[lilyswrittenworks]

(RoTB) Optimus Prime Headcanon

I wanted to give in to my self-indulgence towards a certain Prime cause--YES (I’m currently simping for this man and I ADORE HIM with every fiber of my being.) 

Confessions

Warnings: slight angst, heartwarming fluffy moments

It started out as a harmless crush towards the Autobot leader, until it gradually escalated into something more. You never intended to grow so attached and it scared you.

So, you made the painful decision to admire him from a distance and your visits to the warehouse became less frequent.

Your absence didn’t go unnoticed, however.

When you didn’t show up for the fifth day in a row, Optimus was the first one to inquire about your whereabouts to his fellow Autobots. None of them had the slightest clue why…except for Mirage.

He knew you had a thing for the big man, which he totally used this knowledge to tease you.

Whatever you were trying to do, it was clearly affecting his leader.

Optimus would stand just by the entrance of the warehouse patiently waiting for your arrival, and when you don’t—well, Mirage has never seen him look so crestfallen. Yet, he still waited for you hoping that you would come by.

Mirage has never seen him so… lost without you.

And on the tenth day seeing Optimus in his usual spot and you not showing up was when Mirage decided that enough was enough.

He tried getting ahold of you from the landline number that Noah provided him with only for it to ring three times before it sent him straight to voicemail.

Mirage transformed and made a beeline to your apartment.

When he arrived into an alley that was just outside your apartment window. Making sure no other humans were around before transforming and peering inside your bedroom window.

Seeing you lying in bed with a book in your hand really upset him as he furiously tapped the window, doing his damn best not to break it.

You scrambled out of bed, opening the window to see a not so happy-looking Mirage.

Mirage didn’t allow you to speak as he began to reprimand you.

“You better stop whatever you're doing–no, don’t,” He points his finger towards you when attempting to speak. “Don’t try to lie to me Y/n. I know what you're doing and it’s doing more harm than good, you hear me? Prime is always waiting for you. Every. Single. Day. Dammit! Do you have any idea how much this is hurting him?”

Your heart stung at the realization.

“You might not realize it, but Prime genuinely loves you. I can see it in the way he looks at you. And it hurts me seeing you two hurting each other when instead you guys should be talking it out!”

He was right.

Fuck. You made a terrible mistake.

Your heart yearned for his presence since you distanced yourself from Optimus. Oh how your feelings from him only grew the longer you stayed away. You missed the sound of his deep baritone voice calling your name, his gentle touch when he picks you up, and those beautiful bright blue optics of his that held so much emotion to his otherwise stern and authorities demeanor.

With this newfound determination, you didn’t think twice as you climbed out of your window. Mirage wasted no time in scooping you up–transforming before speeding off to the warehouse.

Mirage arrived at the nick of time just as Optimus was walking away. He swerved to a halt, opening the drivers side door open propelling you out. You almost tripped over your feet but the adrenaline keeps you upright running towards him.

“OPTIMUS!”

The sound of your voice made him stop abruptly, turning around with wide eyes to see you running towards him, closing the distance fast. He knelt down on one knee already reaching out to you. Once you were within his reach he scooped you up, bringing you close to his chassis. You threw your arms to hug his face, feeling his hand adjust so that you were in a more comfortable position. Those simple little gestures was all it took to crumble whatever composure you had.

You were a mess. Sobbing into his cheek and hiccuping out apologies.

“It’s my fault. I-I shouldn’t have stayed away. I hurt you–I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

You weren’t sure when it started but you began to hyperventilate.

Optimus leaned into you, pressing his metal lips on the crook of your neck where he spoke under his breath to you in Cybertronian. 

You obviously couldn’t understand what he was saying. The soothing rumble of his voice and the warmth of his breath that left goosebumps on your skin. It had a calming effect on you and your breathing slowed back into a normal rhythm. Your focus was on his mechanical breathing—inhaling and exhaling. 

You pressed your cheek against his cheek, “I’m sorry I hurt you, Optimus. I wouldn’t blame you if you were upset with me.”

His hold on you tightened, his baritone a whisper that sent chills down your spine. “I would never. It made me realize how much I took your company for granted. Without you, there is a void that cannot be filled if you aren’t a part of my life.”

A sudden warmth spread throughout your chest at his words, a soft hum escaping your lips. “If you let me, can you be a part of mine?”

You could feel him smiling into the crook of your neck. “Of course,” He presses a gentle kiss into your shoulder, the metal surprisingly warm to the touch. “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

Mirage didn’t mean to watch, but he couldn’t resist himself.

In the end, he made the right call in dragging you out of your apartment.