#it’s a hella uncomfy situation

[trashbaget]

*

[rottingpirate]

if this is kinda morbid and makes u uncomfy feel free to ignore but here i go: theres this news report about a florida man getting accidentally shot in the head by his wife, but he survived, the bullet lodged behind his ear and only felt a bad headache. now i was wondering how the 141 would handle a situation like that (only the getting shot in the head and not even realizing it part) w/ the reader and him being unaware

IF THIS IS TOO MUCH i apologize again lmao😭

Bro I really had to look this up. Florida is a fever dream frfr.

Also I was hella confused if you meant them or the reader getting shot. So this time it's gonna be them ig. Also it's kinda rushed-

Price

Price started complaining about a headache that wouldn't leave him alone.

You freeze when you see red, sticky liquid near his ear

I mean, it was confusing, like was he shot? There didn't appear much blood, but wh- how- dude- stop-

When he notices you staring his smile falters as he asks what's wrong

When you take him to the nurse

She just looks at him and confirms what you though. He was shot.

Even he was taken aback. When and how and why did he get shot and didn't notice??

You just wondered as to how was he this careless

He knows you well, so when he sees your worried expression he convinces you that he's okay.

You sat by his side highkey judging him for not knowing how he got shot in the head

Ghost

Bro came back after a mission with a huge headache, like he thought his head was gonna explode or something

He didn't think much of it and just went to bed after taking painkillers

He didn't sleep that night and only layed there with throbbing pain in his head

He removed his mask, hoping maybe that would help, but no-

He decided to ask you for help

You being tired and not in the mood, took him to the nurse

He said he's fine the entire way there

The nurse just looked at him like  🤨

Moment of silence for him to process.

Huh?

You know this is a serious situation, but it's kinda hilarious ngl

You found his expression entertaining to say the least

Soap

He comes to cuddle you after complaining about a headache

At first you don't think nothing of it, but then you feel something warm and sticky near his ear after playing with his hair

Umm...Johnny, why you bleeding?

...

He's thrown off balance

Like he accidentally got shot by Gaz after having a play fight with him and now he's dying??

Rushed him to the doctor who already deals with him and his stupid injuries every other day so he's not that surprised by it

Weird that he didn't feel anything though

Always fully examine him after missions and play fights

Won't trust Gaz for the next two weeks

Gaz

You don't have time for this, as thoughts began to stir up your head

You examine his head and sure enough there's a little bloody bullet hole behind his ear

Panic flashes through both of yalls eyes

You take him to the doctor not knowing whether to be mad or to laugh

He freaks out, starts planning his funeral

Tells everyone in 141 how much he loves them

He acts all dramatic and shit

I could've died and you're laughing???

Yes, indeed you are laughing at his pure stupidity

How could he be so careless?

Don't lose sight of him during missions ever again

[hoihoiikrista]

Your post popped up on my feed kahit hindi kita finafollow. Just a big push sa post mo about not wanting to post your pregnancy that is HELLA OKAY, GIRL.

Some people feels the need to update or make a big announcement for friends and family to know whatever their state in life is. I mean, bakit? Let them wonderrrrr, let them look for youuuu, one day mararamdaman mo na lang yung pakiramdam na "ay sige, yanigin natin ang earth. Ilabas si baby #1!" Ganon knowing na otw na si baby #2 charot.

But seriously, no one has to know. That friend of yours wants to see how people around you would throw shade at you once you post about it. Once you get uncomfy from the situation, trust it. That bish ain't ittt

Sa true lang. Anyway, sinabi ko na din naman sa circle of friends namin. Gusto ko lang ng perfect timing, parang nag brought up lang sila ng topic na mag abroad na daw ako. Hanggang sa sinabi ko na yung reason kung bakit hindi pwede. Haha!

I’m at peace pa din naman. Some of my relatives and friends still don’t have any idea about my pregnancy. Gulatan na lang talaga haha! Thanks for dropping btw! 🤣

[sunshineandviolets]

I posted 5,112 times in 2022

376 posts created (7%)

4,736 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@queerdetectiveblue

@nerdferatum

@gisellasmoonflower

@pearlysgates

@agent-farah-hauville

I tagged 2,890 of my posts in 2022

Only 43% of my posts had no tags

#the wayhaven chronicles - 155 posts

#morning reblog 💖 - 131 posts

#the owl house - 77 posts

#romance club - 72 posts

#the exile - 71 posts

#my edits - 63 posts

#last reblog <3 - 58 posts

#amphibia - 55 posts

#the sims 4 - 54 posts

#playchoices - 53 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#im so tired of customisable lis thats just has the men being buff with 6 pack and the women version has an hourglass figure and noodle arms

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

" Enchantée, girl obey If you wanna get with me Then love me, love me, la-la-la-love me Treat me like I'm royalty "

Ms Raini Singh Monique, from Golden IF & commissioned art by @sosolenoo

Thank you again so much for this!! The art looks stunning 💖💖💖!!

60 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

#4

"This is what happens. I get nervous and slip up. Then I realize I've slipped up and get more nervous."

Aislinn Tanaka from Laws of Attraction <3

61 notes - Posted October 15, 2022

#3

i get that its the 'main storyline' but i genuinely do not care about ricky/gina/ej situation.

storylines i rather they focus more on instead:

Kourtney & her being the actual lead of the musical and dealing with anxiety.

Ashlynn and her queer realisation arc

Jett & Maddox reconciling- esp knowing more about the whole implication that he accidently outed her relationship with Maddison to their parents???

87 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#2

I really wish choices brought back the 'confirming you sexuality' option like they did in the elementalists.

really would've come in handy so i dont get hella uncomfy when the guy characters flirt hard with my mc. and the mc acting like they are into it..

like on a more recent note with loa book 2, that bar scene with whats - his - name , new partner guy...

i hated that scene sm, was not here for him whispering up close and flirting urghhh.

worse cause the option where you could say no to the diamond scene wasnt really a 'no' just a 'not tonight'. like mc only turned him down cause they were with their friends.

when reality... shouldve been like :

no uncomfy flirtations - he just moves away and it stays completely platonic. is that so much to ask for???

90 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

y'all need to know that your mc isn't the centre of the universe right?

like it's okay if the ro can have a life outside them and if not romanced can flirt around with others.

152 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[fairyfleshprison]

So unrelated segway about raspberries. Last week my friend and i were at the park just chilling and smoking weed after grabbing bubble tea - as us queers do - and we're there getting are sativa in and this stranger walks up. This lady is like "hi excuse me" and we're like "hey!" And shes like "i dont really know who to tell but do you see that guy over there behind the tree, he seems to be throwing up a lot of blood." And my friend and i are like completely silent, and im trynna see where shes even pointing cause the guy is blocked by the tree. And then finally im like "woah...well...thats not...awesome" and my friend agrees and the lady is like "ya i dont know what to do i just like, do i call someone?" And we're both hella spaced so its just more silence. And then shes like "im a visitor here so i dont know what like the rule is for something like this so i thought id come and ask," and she points to here 'im a visitor shirt' and so im like "oh...ah...well i mean its not great if hes throwing up but like you probably shouldnt like...force help onto him...you could just ask him if he needs or like...wants your help and then go from there." But she was clearly uncomfy with doing that so me and friend eventually just get up and go over to the guy. Hes like an old guy, tattered clothing, dirty jeans, he has this alcohol in a brown paper bag - very prototypical situation. So obviously my friend and i clock that hes going through this cause hes drunk, but hes also an adult so its like - we still gotta ask if he Wants the help from us. So we do and he kinda responds but then just basically passes out on the ground for a moment. So my friend calls 911 and explains the sitch, and then at one point they ask like how much blood he threw up. So i squat down to look real quick and its a lot but theres like chunks in it.

It was raspberries.

So my friend tells 911 that its raspberries, and eventually through just interacting with the guy we got him to stand up and he just cleaned his mouth off and stumbled away down the sidewalk.

Eventually my friend and i's hangout ended, and 911 did come when i was waiting for the bus and she stayed in the park waiting for another friend that she was hanging out with the afternoon. But by then the guy had already gone , and my friend texted that 911 couldnt find him anyways so they just kinda dropped it.

So i guess in conclusion, i learned to not eat a bunch of raspberries otherwise someone from out of town will think you threw up ungodly amounts of blood. And then your friend will gain a minor traumatic memory about that time an old guy almost died right in front of us. And then i'll say "to be honest i thought he like threw up his lungs or something dude that wouldve been sooo wild."

do NOT feel bad abt scarfing down a tub of raspberries. there is NO reason at all to ration them like other delicious treats bc they WILL mold as soon as theyre out of your line of sight

[eyesontheskyline]

is there a specific season you’d write a fic around next? Like for example you wrote based on season 13 so far and season 7👀 maybe a season 4 or 5 hotchniss situation? those two have hella potential if you ask me (around the whole minimal loss episode and the crazy shit going on with hotch in season 5)

I'm not sure yet! S3-5 are my comfort seasons and Minimal Loss was my Hotchniss awakening lol.

But I don't have a specific idea right now, which is a deeply uncomfy place for me to be.

*nervous laugh of existential dread*

[thegheistmistress]

{OOC Rambles - Characters/Groups I'd LOVE to interact with - RP Blog Rules}

{Not even gonna lie, I have a LIST of characters I'd love to interact with, but if not, it's perfectly fine and I wanna rant about them. Here it is, enjoy my list, and the fact it's technically all Batman characters/DC related ones is fun-}

{Also I apologize for a LONG post, but I'm in ramble mood-}

~==Characters I'd LOVE interacting with at some point==~

-Batman Characters-

Riddler, {Due to interacting with a few/one that I'm pretty sure was pretty chill}, Scarecrow {Same deal, honestly also Crane is hella interesting}, Black Mask {I know one I haven't interacted with in a LONG time, love 'em}, Prof. Hugo Strange {Not even just because of my OCs backstory, I love and hate Strange, in a good way}, Two-Face {Cause it'd be very interesting}, Penguin {I blame loving how Gotham had him, but I'll interact with any version honestly}

Poison Ivy {Honestly, I just love Ivy as a character}, Harley {I'd prefer the version of her who isn't with the Joker, cause honestly Harley/Ivy is best couple}, Music Meister {Honest. TO. Gods. I LOVE this character}, Jeramiah Arkham {I blame a OLD RP I did somewhere else, they were pretty cool, even if my character HATED his guts.}

Mad Hatter {Any version is good, honestly, just I stay away from the creepy versions of them, aka where it goes into territory that me no likey/aka really perverted for some reason??}, Red Hood {I love Jason Todd, he's such a shit-}

The Court of Owls {O.M.F.G. I love the group as a whole, it also SCARES me, which is good}, Professor Pyg {Dude scares the shit outta me, honestly, but he fascinates me as a villain.}, Bookworm {I love a lot of the old Batman Villains, he's one of them}, Louie The Liliac {Idk what it is with guys with coloured suits-}

The Flamingo {I recently found out about this guy and I'm like- BRUH}. James Gordon {I mean come on, my character is meant to work at the GCPD, this would be fun and interesting}, Harvey Bullock {Again, pretty sure my character would know him, but it'd be up to whoever is playing him on how he feels about her},

Mr. Freeze {This man has ALL my sympathy, I love how he got his ending in the main Arkham Games, let this man be fuckin' happy-}, Catwoman {She'd be pretty cool to interact with}, Lyle Bolton {I remembered RPing with someone as him and I loved interacting with them}

Any of the Batman honestly, and their allies, they're all wonderful, and I love it when people play multiple characters, heroes, villains, all of them.

-In General DC Characters-

John Constantine {I blame a friend for getting me into him and HONEST to GODS, this right bastard of a man has been living rent free in my head for the last few weeks, all cause he kicked down the door and said he's staying-}, Zatanna {Love her, she's cool}, Any Green Lanterns {Big fan of them}. I'll add more to here as time goes on.

==========

{Whew, that's a list. But, I honestly would love any characters, I mostly do DC characters, BUT depending on the fandom, I will do Marvel though I know NOTHING about it minus some stuff. Any superhero characters, super villain, anti-heros, etc. all game for RP, even OCs in Gotham City in general or the DC Universe as whole}

{Whenever RPs start, just ask for rules since it will be different per session, but in general it's these as the in general interaction rules.}

No killing my character{s} without consent. {That should be obvious, it's no fun if the only character I got is dead}

2. No Mary Sues for the love of all that's holy. No one is perfect and like, I know my limitations since I want to have FUN.

3. No god-modding. {The only information that should be known really is she works at the GCPD, other information like Strange knowing is moreso from old stuff that happened and I enjoyed it, hence fuel for any of those characters to use for RPs}

4. Don't rail road the rps into uncomfortable situations, aka uncomfy irl, and control my character without consent. (Unless its a defined path/part we both have agreed to do).

5. If I say something is uncomfy to me during a RP, like OOC uncomfy, I'd rather it not continue.

6. I know y'all got traumatized characters, she's def one now, but if ya do stuff involving certain ones tag it accordingly/spoiler/allude loosely to it cause I got peeps who I follow that don't need to see that.

7. Any 'spicy' things are automatically fade to black if approved at the earliest point, mostly cause again, got peeps who don't need to see it and I just want a fade to black cause I'd rather continue from an after-point.

8. No sudden shipping, ask me about it first. {I'm perfectly fine with wholesome shipping/Fluff/Angst, that stuff is 100% fine. Cause it's hella nice and fun, and in the past she's actually been shipped with Riddler and Scarecrow, I DO remember that, but she doesn't always have to be shipped, being friends with characters first and chemistry between them is important before leaning to sailing that shipping to them.} {Now, if an old muse shows up and they happen to be one I shipped her with, absolutely you're allow to bring that ship back}

========

{Other than that, there's specific rules for specific RPs that'll pop up, have a lovely day, ya'll.~ If I forgot anything, just let me know.}

[mama-qwerty]

Learn to tell the difference between a bad situation you can leave right away, and a bad situation you'll need to do some planning before you can leave.

You can't use your comfort and mental health as reasons to simply give up on things that are uncomfy. If you're in a bad social situation where you feel unsafe, then yes, by all means, get yourself out of there.

But if you're in a bad work situation, you can't just up and quit without planning. You'll need to figure out how to find a new job, or get some schooling for new skills first.

Mental health is hella important, of course. But we live in the real world, and many of us couldn't simply up and walk out of unpleasant family, school, or work situations. Find ways to cope while you work on a strategy to improve your situation. Lean on people you trust, and take steps to keep yourself safe and find a new path that's healthier for you.

if it sucks generally hit da bricks yes. but there are also going to be times in life where you have to stay in uncomfortable or sucky situations because the only way out is through. and that is how life works. sometimes you have to keep that terrible job or that shitty apartment. this site's policy of "don't sink years of your life into something that's not going to be worthwhile" can kind of turn into "immediately stop doing anything you don't like" sometimes and that bothers me

[simptasia]

ya know, if somebody asked me if i’m: a lesbian, ace, aro, pan, trans

my response wouldn’t be to flip the fuck out like “UGH OH MY GOSH HOW COULD YOU EVER THINK THAT???” nah mate the proper response would just be a polite correction. heck, i’ll even say thank you. i don’t get people who are so mean and so insecure in themselves that they freak out about it

like the harshest i’d ever be is if somebody asked me if i’m straight. and even then i’ll just like LAUGH and, if online, respond with a confused reaction image

somebody confusing you for another orientation legit isn’t an insult, because those orientations or genders themselves aren’t an insult

[always-andromeda]

I'm Not Looking at Your Junk | Timothy Klitz x fem!Reader

Timothy Klitz x fem!Reader

Word Count | 6,206

Summary | Despite being an infamous prude, Timothy Klitz wasn't expecting it when you said you hadn't watched the sex ed tape he and his friends made during senior year. Little does he know, however, college has given you a chance to become a bit more experienced.

Author's Note | The way I love and hate this so much is ridiculous. I had to get this idea out of my head because it was just clawing at the inside of my skull!! Also, I called him Tim the entire time because I definitely would've been hella uncomfy in high school calling him Klitz all the time if this was an irl man??? I hope I did my man Klitzy justice because I love him so much. I am so nervous about posting this but fuck it!!!

Warnings | smut, (protected!) sex, loss of virginity, fingering, mentions of masturbation, mdni, please let me know if I need to add anything else!

You sighed as you flopped down on Timothy Klitz's couch. The cushions had flattened so much that you were only raised inches from the ground. Even though he was going to Yale, Tim and his two other roommates were set on spending the least amount of money possible to furnish the place. So when one of the guys found the couch free for the taking on the side of the road, of course he picked it up and had it hauled up the apartment stairs.

Tim didn't even know the guys that well. They were nice enough but obviously weren't his type of people. He was sure they'd drop out before the end of the year. But the two brothers were holding their own. Sent there with daddy's money, they'd refused to stay in the dorms where the campus security could bust them for underage drinking and the litany of drugs they were using. When Tim had found out that there weren't any dorm spaces left, he outsourced. The brothers wanted a third person to get in on the rent so they could spend more on supplies for their weekly parties. And with the meager pay Tim was making at his internship, their range met his budget.

On the bright side, their absences made it possible for you to visit more often.

You had your own dorm room but both of your roommates had boyfriends. Most nights you were stuck in your room listening to the sounds of intense lovemaking on the other side of one or two of your walls. That being said, Tim's sparsely decorated apartment with cracks in the drywall was clearly the better option to hang out in.

Tim wasn't complaining about it either. He'd known you since freshman year of high school and considered you one of his closest friends. Having Eli and Matt at his side made it a bit difficult to spend alone time with you. Any time Tim would tell Eli that he had to get off the phone because you were on your way over to his house, Eli would be wailing at the other end: Klitz, you better bang her. Or else I really might kill myself this time. In Eli's eyes, Tim was wasting a situation that was just dripping with erotic potential. She adores you, man. You could slap her ass in the middle of class and she'd thank you! Eli was so sure of himself.

Tim would never do that though. Sure, he liked you, but he couldn't imagine you seeing him in any similar way. You weren’t really the type to just hook up with some guy like it was nothing, especially if some guy was your nerd of a best friend. So just like every other weekend before, he shoved the video tape into the VCR and settled on the uncomfortable couch alongside you.

He'd found some horror flick at Blockbuster a few days before that he thought you’d get a kick out of. As terrible as the effects were in movies like this, the sight of even fake blood freaked him out. You made enough jokes to compensate for the moments where he got too queasy, but this one might be the death of him.

The dramatic title card flew towards the screen: Return of the Bloody Boogeyman!

Your face lit up at the text, already excited for what the night would bring. "You gonna tap out on me for this one?" you spoke teasingly.

He shook his head, brown hair flipping with the action, "You know, I am insulted you'd think I'm that much of a chicken." You laughed with a nefarious anticipation. You couldn't wait for when he would break and start gagging at the low budget visuals.

Of course it started with a completely clothed sex scene. Two teenagers packed into the back of a Cadillac convertible, gasping and moaning exaggeratedly. The black and white filter made it difficult to scrutinize what was going on in the darkly lit scene but the point was made very clear.

"God, it must have sucked having sex back then." you mused.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it's not like people were casually hooking up all the time. You had to wait until you were married to some guy and even then, they'd probably be super disappointing in bed. But by the time you figured that out, you're locked in." You were talking with your hands now.

Tim wasn’t really used to talking about the topic of sex with you. He wasn’t quite sure how to respond. "Yeah, that probably sucked." Agreeing would probably be his best bet, he decided.

"Now, we have whole instruction manuals to show us the way." You poked at his side. You occasionally teased him about the sex ed tape he and his friends had made on prom night. Though you'd been there that night, watching doors with Tim while Eli and his actors were filming, you had tried not to get too involved with the actual crew. The whole prospect was way too awkward.

It's kind of weird, isn't it? You had said to Tim as you two stood outside a classroom door, guarding it. Your voice was hushed with a tinge of anxiety behind it.

What's weird?  He said vaguely. 

I dunno, it's weird that right behind us are two pornstars just...hanging out in our English class... Tim had let out a stifled snicker. You all would've done anything to help Matt and Danielle out. But that didn't mean it wasn't super uncomfortable.

"Oh yeah, like that taught you some actual techniques." Everyone knew how reserved you'd been in high school. No matter how informative the video was, you were set on being as prudish as possible. 

"That tape didn't teach me jack shit." You spat.

Tim scrunched up his face and shrugged his shoulders, "I didn't think it was that bad. It wouldn't be selling so well if it was complete nonsense, right?"

"I wouldn't know how much of it is or isn't nonsense." You mumbled, finally having gotten to the end of your teasing. And Tim now got what you were hinting at.

He scoffed and looked at you with a cheeky grin, “You haven’t watched the video?”

“Why would I?”

“I dunno, I thought you’d have seen it by now. Everyone has.”

“I’m not everyone.” You gave him a pointed look that kept him quietly fiddling with his fingers for a few seconds, deliberating on if the matter was worth questioning further.

His curiosity got the better of him, “Why haven’t you seen it?”

“Oh my god, Tim, why do you even care?” You exclaimed.

“Nothing, I was just wondering why you wouldn’t have watched it. You were there when we filmed it.”

“I left the room for a reason.” You said indignantly. Tim stared, brow furrowed. Your exit from the library on prom night had been quite dramatic. You had watched April's manicured nails run down Tim's bare thigh and heard her comment on how cute he was. You saw the ecstatic smile that crept across his face. The nervous little blush that grew just beneath where his oval glasses perched on his pert nose.

Before that moment, you hadn't considered yourself possessive over him. But the way his eyes lit up at the comment made you feel sick to your stomach. It made you wanted to storm across the room and kiss him right on his stupid lips. But you weren't that girl then. What chance did you stand with him when he could easily land a pornstar? So you spun on your heel and left the room, grumbling something about checking the hall for chaperones from the prom. You didn't even get back in the limo with the rest of them at the end of the night, instead opting to go home with one of your other friends from homeroom. Then you never talked about that night again.

Though you most certainly were the type of girl who would angrily kiss him just to prove a point now, the memory made you feel that same seed of insecurity and inadequacy fester inside you. But Tim was still staring expectantly, waiting for you to explain yourself.

“Because I’m not looking at your junk, Tim.” You couldn’t bear to let your eyes meet his.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh.” You hoped that would end the line of questions he was throwing at you.

A few beats of silence passed. The movie still played but neither of you were paying too much attention to it anymore. How had the conversation turned to this? He was suddenly wondering if he was so repulsive to you that just the thought of him being naked could throw off your usual teasing mood entirely.

He spoke again. “Why? Is there something wrong with it?”

You were annoyed now. If Tim knew what was good for him, he would've let the matter go entirely. “If I’ve never seen it, how could I think that there’s something wrong with it?” You said matter of factly through gritted teeth.

For a guy who was so smart, Timothy Klitz got in his own way quite often in these situations. He still wasn’t sure how to navigate a discussion like this. At some point, he’d have to stop feeling those butterflies in his stomach whenever sex or genitals were mentioned. But sometimes he still felt like he had about the same level of maturity as a pervy thirteen year old.

“Everybody says it’s big. Is that scary to some girls?” He wasn't trying to brag about it, honestly. But if there was something wrong with his size, he was sure you'd tell him about it. You typically weren’t afraid to be blunt about things.

“Oh, fuck off.” You didn’t need to be reminded of what people said about him. You being one of the handful of people who knew that it was his dick being described as “The Meat Rocket 3000” was life ruining. Of course you’d had a crush on Tim for years. Ever since the moment he’d nervously asked if you had a spare pencil during Algebra class in freshman year, you were head over heels for the gangly little nerd. He had a way of awkwardly nudging his way to your heart. Having any sort of awareness or perception of his dick made being his friend absolutely miserable. It was so much easier when you were pretending he was a featureless Ken doll down there.

“What?”

“You’re such an asshole.” You rolled your eyes and began to shake your leg, the anxiety setting in. This conversation was getting too personal for your liking.

“I’m just stating a fact!” He threw his hands up in defense.

An idea popped into your head. Maybe now he would shut up. “Think about it this way: imagine if you were watching a tape where someone was groping my tits. You’d never be able to look at me the same way.”

He absolutely could not think about it that way. Because the idea made him almost painfully hard. Fuck, he’d thought about groping your tits (and all your other parts) many times over. Mostly while he was jerking off or if you sat too close to him on a movie night or if you looked up at him through your lashes. Almost anything could get him going, if he thought about it for too long. He tried to casually hide his erection with the pillow under his arm, hoping and praying to every deity possible that you hadn’t noticed it.

The room had gone deadly silent and you beat yourself up internally. Even as the movie's monster, dripping with thick, sticky blood engulfed the couple in the car, Tim was all clammed up. No theatrical gagging or jokes. You shouldn’t have even said it. Now he was picturing your tits and it made things too weird. You guys had been friends for so long that he probably saw you as an annoying sister at this point. And no one wants to imagine their sister's tits no matter how big and squishy they might be.

“Tim?” You asked.

“Huh?” His voice cracked like he was going through puberty again.

“You got really quiet...” Crickets. “I didn’t make it weird, did I?”

“No! Of course not. It’s not weird at all.”

“Then why does your face look like that?” His eyes were fixed straight ahead of him and his lips formed a thin line. He looked like he wanted the couch to engulf him entirely. But it was the crimson blush that had spread over his almost pained expression that sent red flags up in your mind. 

He cleared his throat and straightened his posture, “This is how my face always is.”

“Shut up, I know what your stupid face normally looks like.” You quipped back.

“Your face is stupid…” He muttered.

“You’re gonna make fun of me now?” You needed a way to escape the awkward conversation and loosen him up again. You needed to convince yourself that Timothy Klitz was just your friend and would always be just that.

“You started it!” His voice raised a little, sensing the challenge laced into the edge of your words. You both picked on each other like this. It kept up the illusion that you two weren't hilariously and tragically in love with each other.

“Oh, I’ll start something.” You pounced at Tim’s side where you knew he was most ticklish.

Tim’s eyes went wide. He couldn’t even let himself laugh when you nearly tackled him flat on his back. With your knees planted on either side of his thighs, he was on the edge of hyperventilating knowing that the impact was imminent. If you moved any closer, his hard dick was going to be touching your crotch and everything was going to be a fucking mess. And before he could push you off, it was happening.

“Whoa, what the fuck?” You flew back as if he had the plague and pressed against the armrest on the other side of the couch. He sat up quickly and covered himself with his arms. 

“Shit, I’m so sorry,” His voice went high pitched. God, you were going to hate him forever.

“Oh my god. How long have you had that going on?” You tried to let out a laugh but it came awkwardly.

“A minute or so…”

You replayed the past few minutes over. Maybe it was the movie? The kissing couldn't have been that suggestive. You couldn't even see anything that well. Besides, that was a while ago. It couldn't be...was it? Your eyes went wide, realizing what got him so worked up. And his avoidant gaze only confirmed your suspicion. He had gotten hard thinking about you. The thought excited you more than you could’ve dreamed.

He felt so guilty. Not even the humiliation rushing through him could make the erection go away; at the worst possible moment of his life, it was proving to stand the test of time. You were going to think he was such a freak now. You’d stop going to his dorm and you’d never look back. Who wanted a friend who imagined them naked and popped boners at the thought? But against his judgment, you were creeping forward again and making a home between his legs. He watched as your hand extended towards one of his, currently shielding you from the single most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him.

“What are you doing?” He questioned.

“Just give me your hand.” Your voice was hushed and a little shaky.

Tim stalled. What you had planned for him he couldn't have predicted. You couldn't have possibly been enjoying this. Your worried expression indicated to him that you would rather be anywhere else.

You started over with a slow breath. He was overwhelmed, obviously. But you had to at least try to keep going. “You trust me, right?”

He nodded sheepishly.

“Then give me your hand, please,” He couldn’t tell if you were annoyed at him or…begging?

His hand shook a little as you took it and gently moved it towards your lower half. You guided him until his hand disappeared beneath your skirt and the pads of his fingers were pressed against your underwear. Your underwear, already soaked with slick. The groan he let out made his own cheeks go red hot. You continued to brush his fingers back and forth against your clothed heat and took sharp breaths, your eyes fluttered closed. He was losing his mind seeing how you were using him like this. This couldn't be real. Call the coroner, because he must have died and gone to heaven. Here lies Timothy Klitz, he couldn’t handle touching a vagina.

Your voice was a little higher now. “That’s why I didn’t wanna look at your junk.”

“Oh, shit.” He moaned.

“Yeah. Shit.” You gasped a little as he absentmindedly kept his hand against you.

“What do we do now?”

“I mean…I got you started…I’m sure we could figure it out.” Your finger teased the edge of the collar on his button up shirt. Your face had gotten so much closer to his. Your warm breath was fanning across his cheek and before he could fully process it, you were peppering small kisses along his jaw. When did you get this alluring? Tim could feel himself practically melting at your needy touch. But he had to have more.

Tim turned his head to the side to capture your lips with his. It started sweet with his glasses slightly fogging up. The kiss quickly became feverish when you mounted his hips once more, hovering over his bulge. When your tongue entered his mouth, he knew for sure he was a goner. This time he was desperate for you to touch him again. He whined into your mouth, clearly frustrated over the contact that you were just dangling in front of him. 

In a brave move, he laid his hands on either side of your thighs and pushed you down onto his lap. Immediately and with a soft gasp of your own, you ground into him and began unbuttoning his shirt quickly. His pale chest now exposed, you ran a tentative hand along one of his pebbled nipples. He laid his head back and you went for the kill, sucking on his bobbing Adam’s apple and leaving more kisses along his long neck. This was the sort of moment you had been stopping yourself from picturing for years. 

“God, Tim, you’re so pretty.” You whispered against his skin. That snapped him out of his daze pretty quickly.

“Can I touch your boobs?” He asked in the most nonchalant inflection he could muster.

You almost laughed at his tone. His hardening length proved he was anything but uninterested in this position. In your first few months of college you'd already become acquainted with a handful of college guys who didn't ask what they could do. They just did it in the heat of the moment while pressing you against a wall in some dorm hallway. But Tim had always been faint of heart, only diving into something headfirst if his friends were doing it too. Then again, you'd both changed a lot since starting college.

"You can do anything that you want to me." You finally replied.

He was certain he was dreaming now. You had been such a puritan and now you were letting him do whatever his filthy heart desired? He decided that if there was a god, they must really be looking out for him. 

Your oversized t-shirt had hidden your chest's true form, but now that Tim was tugging it over your head and tossing it away, he couldn't ignore how pretty they were. Your tits hung just perfectly on you, soft and waiting to be played with by him. He cupped one gently, circling the nipple with his long finger. It wasn't the first time he'd felt a boob, but this was different. 

Right behind that boob was your heart. And yours was a heart that he had fallen so hard for. You were so smart and knew just how to make him laugh. You watched every dumb documentary he wanted to watch with him. Even back in high school you would be in his room, sticking out the late study nights, determined to get into the same school together. Through everything, you'd been right there making him feel like he was cool enough to be around a girl like you.

He couldn't keep his cool anymore. "Fuck, I like you so much." He sobbed as he kneaded your tit in his hand.

You smiled and tilted your head, "You do?"

With his eyebrows pinched together, he was practically glowing, finally being able to say it to you, "Of fucking course I do. You're so cool that I can't believe you'd pay any attention to me. I-I'm just some guy."

Your heart was soaring. You'd always kind of hated the idea of him seeing you in a purely sexual light. With the way Eli watched porn like they were Sunday morning cartoons, you figured that mentality had to have leaked into Tim's own mind. Despite being good friends with Tim, Eli, and Matt, there was always a layer of removal between them and you. And you liked it that way.

As the token girl of the group, you had heard plenty of your old classmates gossip over which one of your nerdy friends was going to end up banging you. You were a tough nut to crack and wouldn't fold to any guy who would give you the time of day. So the school populace decided that the nerds you hung out with on a daily basis were the most likely to bag you before graduation. But you made sure to prove all of their bets wrong.

"You're not just some guy.” You cradled the back of his head in your hands, combing your fingers through his long, fluffy hair, “Besides, you're my guy." Your words were pushing him closer and closer to the edge. He was flabbergasted that he hadn't cum yet. Not even when your hand went down to start undoing his khaki pants. But, fuck, his end was too close for comfort.

"Wait, I'm gonna cum." He stopped you quickly.

"Already?" This was so wickedly delightful. "I haven't even done anything."

"I know. But I haven't ever..." He trailed off. Despite you being not even an inch away from his dick, he wasn't quite sure how to tell you he hadn't had sex. Luckily, he didn't have to explain it.

You stopped dead in your tracks. "You're a virgin? I thought you lost it on prom night?"

"Oh, uhhh...no..." That was the second most embarrassing night of his life. April had told him he was cute. So of course he'd taken her home. Before now, that was the most attention he'd ever gotten from a girl. 

But when they actually got inside, it took about twenty seconds into her giving him a hand job before he came. April explained that it was natural, especially for a guy so new to the whole game. And while he appreciated her reassuring personality, he was so crushed that it killed any arousal he'd had left in him. He didn't think he'd be a sex god, but with how often he jerked off he thought he'd be able to last longer than that.

Aside from all of that, you had looked so gorgeous that night in your glittery, floor length prom dress. The excessive eyeliner lining your waterline and eyelid was a little intense but quickly became more sultry when you were standing under the dim lights of the high school halls. He even found himself swooning when you kept tripping over your heels. It gave him an excuse to keep his palm on your hip the majority of the night. He concluded that night that that was as far as things would ever go. You'd both go off to college together and find different people and any idea of being with you would be long gone. But there you both were, at the precipice of a new chapter of your relationship.

"You're a virgin too, right?" he asked suddenly, sure that you would say yes and quell his nerves.

"Not exactly," You pursed your glossy lips.

"Shit, really?" You were pretty, yeah, and any guy would be stupid to not want you. But Tim hadn't expected you to have gotten around so quickly. Part of him still saw you as the girl who would shy away from allusions to sexuality.

You rolled your eyes. "It didn't really mean anything. Like my first few times were with Jason from Intro to Philosophy. But he never made me...finish?" Those had been disappointing times. You’d spent all of high school telling yourself you’d wait until college before letting a guy touch you. You were confident for some reason that college guys would be so much more mature about sex than any of your high school classmates. By now, you knew that you were very wrong.

Tim vaguely remembered you talking about a cute guy with that name. He'd been insanely jealous but had ignored the ugly feeling, convinced that nothing would come of your comments about him. You'd never pursued a guy like that before so why would you now? He wouldn't have guessed that the few nights you'd skipped out on movie night had been because Jason had been failing to make you cum. But of course Jason was just a clueless meathead who didn't think about your pleasure.

"I can try to make you finish." He said quickly, trying not to trip over the proposal.

"Tim, if it's gonna be your first time then I doubt you're going to make me-"

"I want to try. If I don't try, what kind of guy does that make me?"

You admired his sense of chivalry. What would be the harm in trying?

With your gentle, encouraging smile, Tim felt confident enough to let you keep undressing him. Butt naked on his own couch, he had never been more grateful that his roommates were party guys. There was no chance they'd be walking in on this. More exposed than ever, he was rock solid, cock bobbing against his abdomen.

The sight of him had your stomach doing backflips. You were so glad that this was his debut for you. His face had been covered in the tape. His throbbing cock paired much better with you being able to see his ruined expression, swollen lips parted in preparation. You grabbed a condom from your bag on the floor and ripped it open quickly. Tim was over the moon that it was you putting the condom on him this time.

When you pulled your panties aside and lowered onto him, the startling stretch made you hiss through your gritted teeth. You were sure he could split you in half just sitting there. Tim was right there with you, buried completely inside you, surrounded by your slick, silky walls. He wanted to move so badly but he knew he had to wait for you. You bounced once, testing the waters, your tits moving with you. When you landed again, you had to hold on tight to his button up shirt, still hanging off his shoulders.

Tim couldn't stay put, his hips were bucking up sloppily, thrusting impossibly deeper up into you. You got the hint and began to match his pace. You also came to learn very quickly that Tim was loud. He muttered a string of curses between low groans that bubbled in his throat. When the two of you were moving in harmony, he was seeing stars. For all of ten seconds after that, Tim was euphoric. Sweat dripped down his forehead under his bangs and it was just beginning to form on his upper lip too. Before he knew it, his climax culminated in a massive shudder of pleasure that coursed throughout his whole body, making him hold onto your hips for dear life. The last of his energy was spent cumming inside of you.

As soon as he went still, the arousal that had been building in your abdomen withered away. You couldn't say you were disappointed in him. If anything, it made you kind of proud of yourself. After a few seconds of listening to him groaning, coming down from the high, you dismounted him and dropped back on the couch next to him. Your skirt had ridden up during the experience so you adjusted it and rested your head on his bare shoulder, a small smirk playing on your face.

"That was fucking great." He breathed out.

"I'm glad." You looked up at the side of his face and placed a quaint, loving kiss on his freckled shoulder.

He was silent for a little while longer until he looked over at you, "You came, right?"

You giggled, "No, silly. But it's fine, I didn't expect you to make me come our first time."

Tim shook his head quickly, "No, it's not fine. It's not." He wanted to be good at this. 

Theoretically, he had all the equipment needed to get the job done. His technique was...less than ideal. He didn't want to be like that flake, Jason, leaving you all high and dry. 

"Hey, you don't need to beat yourself up." You said reassuringly and massaged his shoulder. You were leaning down to pick up your discarded shirt when Tim started to kiss up your shoulder to the back of your neck.

"Put that down," He spoke huskily, taking the shirt from your hands, "You don't need that yet."

You reclined back and Tim refocused his attention to your collarbone, "What are you doing?" You asked breathily. His hands roamed greedily up your sides, feeling up every inch that he possibly could.

"I said I wanted to make you cum." He whispered into the crook of your neck, "I just might need your help doing that, though." As assertive as he sounded, you detected his lack of experience and the nerves behind the words.

"Okay," You replied quietly. 

Tim adjusted so his back was against the arm of the couch. He nodded towards your bottom half, "Can you take those off for me?" So you stood, sliding your panties and skirt down in one slow motion, the garments pooling on the carpet as you stared into his eyes. Tim just stared and swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.

When you were done, he was motioning for you to sit between his legs. You followed his directions. Half hard again, you felt him press against your back. The sensation made you shiver a little. His mouth was giving light kisses on your shoulder and his long hair tickled the back of your neck.

"So, what do you want me to do?" He asked earnestly. He hoped that in your sexually active months on campus, you'd already discovered what you liked because he sure as hell didn't know what he was doing.

You thought back to his hand pressed against your heat and how divine his fingers had felt down there and blurted out, "Your hand. I want you to use your fingers” And then quickly tacked on, “Please."

He brought his hand around to your front, taking his time running his fingers down your abdomen until they were hovering over your cunt. You were on edge, just waiting for him to work some sort of magic on you. But you had to stay patient. You had to show him the ropes a bit. He was a novice in this area. So you placed your hand on top of his again, eager to be his guide to bringing you to your peak. You brought him to your folds, made him drag his fingers across them. 

You stopped right at the nub near the top, "Do you know what that is?" You asked faintly through a gasp.

Through his own volition, he flicked a fingertip over the bundle of nerves with the tips of his fingers, making you twitch a little in his arms. Making that sex ed tape had taught him just enough. 

"The clitoris?" He answered, all too happy knowing that he was right. He felt you nod against his shoulder.

"Then that means..." He trailed off and separated from your grasp, bringing his fingers back to your folds. He slipped one between them, covering it in your slick. The muscles in your cunt quivered, looking to clench around something substantial. Before any arousal could blossom there, he pulled his finger out and looked at the digit, glistening in the light.

"Oh, fuck yeah," he said under his breath with the smallest smile forming across his face.

Your frustrated voice broke his fascination. "Tim, baby, I know you're having fun right now but I really need you to do something now." The desperation dripping from the sentence made him more proud of himself than apologetic.

"Oh, yeah, shit. Sorry." He muttered. You managed a little giggle despite how exasperated he was making you. It was kind of cute, especially when you compared it to your other sexual encounters. He was such a dork. But he's your dork now.

You couldn't have imagined his long, thin fingers feeling so comforting. You hummed contently as you felt the flame deep within you begin to grow. When he got two fingers in, it wasn't quite as filling as his impressive length. But it would still work. As long as he kept pumping steadily the way he was, you had a one way ticket to cumming all over his fingers.

"Faster, please," You requested, your hips bucked into his movements, trying to get him deeper as his fingers barely brushed against your g-spot. He willingly obliged, quickening his pace, taking your whines to mean he was doing something right. But he still felt something was missing. He swallowed hard, hoping he wouldn't fuck up his rhythm as he took his thumb and started to rub rough circles around your clit. To his surprise, the contact made you throw your head back onto his shoulder and arch against his chest.

You gasped, "Oh, Klitzy, fuck, right there," For years you'd refused to call him by his last name like all his friends did. At one point, the nickname left you feeling uneasy, almost a mockery of how you felt about him. But now it seemed fitting. After all, that was the spot he was hitting with his thumb right then.

A shameless grin had formed on Tim’s flushed face as you sputtered bits of praise and curses at him. He was sure you were close when your voice broke. Never in all his life did he think he could have this sort of effect on someone. But, god, it left him knowing that it was you in his lap.

Your impending orgasm had your vision going white and fuzzy at the edges. You clenched your jaw, working through the intense impact that had your hips spasming against Tim’s thighs. You loved him. As you let out a final cry, you realized it fully.

All Tim could think about was how much he was enjoying all this. The scent of your perfume on your neck and sweat forming on your heated figure. The sight of your mouth gaping open, unable to hold back the strangled sounds of your pleasure. The filthy sound of his fingers moving in and out with that undeniable squelch. The feeling of your legs jittering against his and your cunt squeezing around his fingers as you released all the pent up friction. He would gladly do this all day if you would let him.

He slowly worked you through the aftershocks of your climax by languidly massaging your slit with his slick fingers. You were humming quietly, now sunken into the lazy tranquility of Tim's presence, occasionally jolting when he stimulated you too much. You felt boneless in his arms. This was paradise, you were convinced.

"Did I do good?" The question was quiet but brimming with delight in your ear. Like he knew the answer but was hesitant to let himself believe it.

You tipped your head a little further, realizing how much you'd slunk down in his grasp. "You've got to be kidding me." You exhaled heavily and shook your head.

"What?"

"You just want me to say you did good?" Your nose scrunched up.

"It would be nice to hear." He said hopefully.

You turned around to face him, resting shakily on your knees. "Tim, you did better than I ever could've imagined."

"Your imagination must be pretty boring then." He snickered.

"You idiot, just take the compliment." You cupped his cheeks with your hands and kissed him tenderly before he could give another smart ass response.

"Sorry I couldn't make you cum the first time." He apologized when you parted from him.

You simply laughed and bit your lip teasingly. "Maybe next time, Meat Rocket 3000."

[mothgodofchaos]

Requests

Please pay attention to what letters are next to the egos! I will not write for them outside of the set categories. They’re also subject to change! I leave that to my own discretion. I may not be comfortable writing a full fic or drabble of a character, but short situational headcanons may be available. Just look for asterisks. 

Will Not Write Under Any Circumstance: comfort for x insecurity or x disability beyond generic chronic fatigue/pain. This isn’t me trying to say that you aren’t valid to want comfort for these things, here is just not the place to ask for that. Makes me hella uncomfy and hyper-aware of myself.

These are open for drabbles, fics, or headcanons! I will always default to gender neutral unless otherwise specified! 

These work for Ego x Reader, Multi!Ego/Poly x Reader, Ego x Ego, or just Ego.

H - Horror | A - Angst | R - Romantic | P - Platonic | * - Headcanons

Markiplier Egos:

Dark (HARP) #midnight mint*

Wilford (HARP) #colonel mustache*

Actor (HARP) #dramatic diva*

Host/Author (HARP) #spooky storyteller #smack bat*

Google (HARP) #titan tin can*

Bing (ARP) #bingo bongus*

Yancy (ARP) #strong songbird*

Illinois (HARP) #pantry dweller*

Murdoch (HAR) #stabbington*

Night (HAR) #glowstick god*

Noir (HARP) #mc monologue*

Engineer (HARP) #head himbo*

Damien (HARP) #meek mayor*

Date!Mark (AR) #date mate*

Heist!Mark (HARP) #heist hunk*

HeeHoo (HARP) #heehoo weewoo*

Eric Derekson (ARP) #starshine son*

Necromancer (HARP) #necrobastard*

Bim Trimmer (HP) #contestant cannibal*

Septic Egos:

Antisepticeye (HAR) #electric limeade*

Jackieboy Man (HARP) #comic escapee*

Marvin (HARP) #nyan magician*

JJ (HARP) #silent cinnamonroll*

Chase (HARP) #sad dad*

Schneeplestein (HARP) #schneeple steeple*

Robbie (HARP) #ghoulish giant*

Inserts:

District Attorney #shattered law*

Heist Partner #sneaky splitter*

Captain #wormhole jumper*

Will Not Write (But I Have Tags For):

Captain Magnum #colossal captain*

King of the Squirrels #nutty monarch*

Jim #news scuttler*

Stan the Water Man #water rad dad

Bomb Defuser!Mark (Doom Rogers) #explosive electrician

Unus & Annus #memento mori*

Dr. Iplier #medic moron*

Dave Torres (Edge of Sleep) #unwilling insomniac

Iron Lung!Mark #doomed detainee

FNAF Musical!Mark #animatronic annihilator

Pornipliers #homebrew horndogs

Resident Enis! Mark #horror huntsman

Silver Shepherd #sheepman cloak

Shawn Flynn (BaTIM) #fedora floorboards*

Marcus Brickley (Poppy Playtime) #toy tattler*

Blank #clean slate

Celine #ma’am medium

Celci #ice queen

Burt #reverse wrench

Gunther #guns and guns

Detective Abe #abernathy poptarts

YouTubers (OOC):

Mark #markus plier

Sean #coffee king

Ethan #soft skriddle

Wade #blame minion

Bob #bobbert my skerms

Danny #unicorn wizard

Arin #video game boy

Brian #get wecht

Gabs #giggly goobers

[narrators-journal]

Stolas and Blitz, Creampie and Voice kink

So, this is gonna be my one and only helluva boss writing. I find I do not really enjoy writing for these characters despite liking them. I also didn't stick to canon, bc Cloaca's make me uncomfy in sexual contexts. Other than that, I had to get hella creative with the definition of 'creampie' bc I couldn't work in both kinks cleanly otherwise. Sometimes a bitch just aint that creative lol.

After such a long day, all Stolas wanted to do was watch tele novellas and drink enough alcohol to wash away the bitter after taste being around his wife always seemed to leave in his beak. However, Stella had the television remote, so that was off the table. Instead, the tall owl demon just went to their room and locked the door behind him. He didn't care if Stella threw a fit, he didn't want her to bother him until bedtime.

For now, all the demon wished to do was flop face down on the massive bed and groan into one of his many pillows. Whoever said marriage was the best part of life was on meth. He thought bitterly. Reaching up to try and rub some of the stress out of his shoulders. When that didn't work, he resorted to more involved tactics.

Getting up, the tall owl crept over to one side of the fancy bedroom and dug a toy out from the depths of his personal closet. It was a phalic thing, shaped like an imp's dick with a system of tubes that allowed the piece of silicone to produce artificial jizz.

Granted, Stalas had the power to summon something much more realistic and imaginative, but the simplicity and thrill of having a physical toy to hide made his dick twitch as soon as the demon had kicked off his pants. So, he double checked that the door to the hallway and balcony were locked, and the curtains were drawn before he set up the dildo and pulled his cellphone from his pocket while slathering his toy with lube and positioning the tip just at his entrance. At first, using general imp porn to fuel his imagination while he pushed the toy into himself.

Of course, the owl demon didn't actually focus on the pornstars in the pictures. They were plenty attractive, but Stolas only used the images for inspiration in his own fantasies of his childhood friend and crush Blitz. So it was himthat he imagined filling him up. Angling his dick to hit that special spot that made the owl's claws curl and his eyes fill with stars.

Though, the  owl couldn't quite decide which fantasy he craved to relieve his stress. Did he want to picture Blitz ravaging him like a wild animal? Taking his breath away and biting into his feathered kneck without mercy. Or did he prefer the fantasy of his childhood friend taking his time with him? Going slowly, finding all of the small spots that made the goetia puff up. He couldn't decide.

To make his situation more complicated, Stolas found that his searches were pulling up fewer and fewer enticing images. So, the fire he'd worked so hard to nurse into being was beginning to burn to embers in his belly, earning a frustrated groan. There's got to be SOMETHING to keep me going. He told himself, pausing his thrusting of his toy to rummage through his phone for any explicit photos of Blitz, or maybe any recordings of their phone calls.

Sadly, the hunt came up fruitless. Somehow, the owl demon hadn't a single recording of his spicy phone calls with his childhood friend, and he'd already examined every inch of the photos Blitz had sent him. He was jonesing for something a little fresher than those same pictures.

Not that he was complaining. The pictures were still quite appealing to Stolas. But they only provided small sparks of lust for the needy bonfire burning in him. It was more teasing than satisfying, which the owl demon hated.

So, in his desperation for anything to satisfy himself to, Stolas went digging through the saved recordings of their general calls. Rooting around in their non-sexual conversations until he found a recording of a call he'd made to the imp where Blitz sounded sleepy. That sure did it.

The husky mumble of his voice struck a chord in the bird demon. Reminding him of how growl-y his old friend got when they were meeting up for their monthly hook-up. Which breathed new life into the restless heat burning beneath Stolas' blue-grey feathers. In turn, drawing out more needy moans while his thrusts of the silicone toy into his ass grew quicker. Taking advantage of the heat before it could fade again.

So, Stolas happily used that recording of Blitz's sleepy, slow voice to push himself further into bliss. Angling his toy so it hit that one specific spot deep within him until he could feel his orgasm building. At that point, he paused his actions to make sure the toy could 'cum' with him before returning to thrusting the dildo into himself with another slew of moans.

Nothing beat the feeling of the real Blitz filling him to the brim with hot seed, but the faux-cum that shot into him would have to do for now. All he really needed was the friction the toy gave to ensure the bliss washed the owle away and his member gave one final twitch and thrub before splattering his own load onto his feathers. And while the recording of Blitz's alluring voice made Stolas crave his touch all that much more, for now, he bit back the urge to call his childhood friend.

Call him tomorrow, Stolas.He told himself while he began to clean himself up. It's far too late to call him over. Stella would find him and ruin all of the fun. The thought of his bitter wife made the owl audibly groan, but he shoved the thought of her away. He'd just gotten himself to relax, he couldn't risk ruining that by letting himself focus on her. She could sleep in a guest room tonight. He instead pulled his bottoms back on and just laid down to dream of his charming imp prince.

[talisidekick]

Daily Personal Trans Issue #1

Does having genital dysphoria mean you should seek surgery to change it?

This is a question I've been struggling with for a long while. I have dysphoria over the parts I had at birth, even the lack thereof. And while HRT has given me boobs, and there's no small joy that having them HASN'T given me being that they're small and cute, and handsized and perfect in every little way, does surgery on the remaining part mean I'll be happy? It's a question I don't have the answer to.

I know what I dislike about it:

Bulges in pants and doesn't look right

Makes it so I can't wear tights or joggers alone

Have to double up on underwear or wear a gaff to reduce bulge

Kinda looks hella weird if I'm being honest

Doesn't make lingerie look good on me

Whole sensation of it feels ... foreign

And my dysphoria isn't as crippling as others have it. I can look at it, see it, and it doesn't depress me, or bring me down, it just ... looks wrong despite being there for the majority of years of my life. It's weird to have. And the thought endlessly occurs that if I don't have dysphoria the same way about it others do, does that mean having different genitalia would make me happy like it does so many others still? It's not something I again have the answer to. It's a situation where I feel about it right now the same way I did about having no chest for 26 years of my life. I didn't feel an intense drive for it, but I know not having it made me a bit uncomfy. Then I was repressing how much I needed boobs because I had spent 26 years forcing myself to be "fine" without it.

So ... am I suppressing my feelings again? Do I hate it in actuality but I'm forcing myself to be 'okay' with it because for the moment I'm stuck with it? This isn't like HRT, I can't back out after I've committed to changing it. Am I making the right decision? Or is my self-doubt here misplaced because society is placing such stigma and enforcing such excessive airs of 'caution' to prevent trans people from changing as best they can?

I think ... I think I'm going through with the attempt to change it, and I know the risks, but ... I get the strangest feeling these fears may not be my own ... I just wish things could be more clear but I guess hindsight will have to provide that clarity after. Besides ... it'd be nice not to have a bulge in womens jeans ...

[chateautae]

I for duck's sake need help people.....see, I would be very pleased if anyone of you would just help me out....the thing is, I have been in a relationship for like around 3 years and trust me, he is like the most perfect kinda person I have ever met..but now comes the main issue, he has till now, never ever hinted me about doing anything ( the max. we have went is uk till just a little makeout types, ik spoiling my sex life like this sucks but that's why I am going anonymous and I think some of you might have experienced it ig, don't take me wrong, I mean like uk). The good thing is, we both are understanding and extremely working persons (he works as a employee in a business firm and I am a newbie doctor (kinda just started my practice as a doctor)....and even though I am a doctor and that having sex is like a normal thing because we literally studies everything, I still freak out upon thinking about doing it with him....it's not like I am scared or anything but I just want some uk girl tips upon how to actually do it....reading about it is quite, tbh, okay for me, but then doing it is like, a difficult task....i bet you he knows about everything and that's why he hasn't hinted upon anything but like from the past 1 week, he jas been dropping kinda hints ig.....like I won't go into the details, otherwise I would be hella embarrassed, not that I am not right now, I am literally sitting in the washroom typing this ( don't judge me)....while reading about it, it feels so easy to execute everything but then when doing it in real life is like so much like wierd ig....I mean how do I respond to it.....I am nervous and what not.....as 25yo, I sometimes feel wierd that I can't uk do it......can anyone of you just help me please......like some girl tips.....I searched it on Google too, still I don't have the courage.....amd moreover, my friends circle is so wierd amd plus, I am too shy to ask anyone.....ik asking this in such a way and place is way too inappropriate to be even considered normal....it's not like I am not ready for it, it's just I am quite nervous about how to do it.....tbh, he hasn't forced me even once still remained to be sweet and all but internally we noth know, we might wanna step up.....HELP PLZ.....my mom is way too conservative to even have an open conversation about kisses let alone doing it....

Oh hun, you are completely and tOTALLY allowed to come to this blog for any advice and not feel ashamed. This is an 18+ blog and anyone here would be so glad to help you, something like this is totally normal!! I shall leave my words under the cut, though if anyone else would like to help this lovely anon please do not hesitate to drop off a reply or even something in my inbox! I'll answer right away to help anyone wondering the same thing 💓

Alright hun, first and foremost I am so happy your relationship has been so strong! And I'm glad you're with someone who hasn't pushed you or anything into doing anything sexual yet, I'll tell you from experience that can be extremely daunting and uncomfy so I'm super relieved your man has been sweet!!

In terms of real advice, tbh I'm quite the wrong person to go to. I lost my v-card with my first boyfriend when I was 16, literally we were both inexperienced and even the times we did you know, do the deed it was very clumsy and nobody knew what they were doing, and the second person I've been with was a Kiseok situation (if you read maybe I do, yes Kiseok is based on a real person in my life) so fuck that dude. But maybe my own inexperience can also help you out, here are at least some lady tips I can think of:

1. Make sure you're comfortable. I say comfortable instead of ready because I'm quite the believer in if you wait until the moment you're ready, you'll wait your entire life. So my best advice is to make sure you're comfy with the situation and your partner!!

2. Ensure your partner is someone who cares about you. I know everyone's stories are different, and not everyone has sex with someone they've been with for a long time or even love, one night stands are totally okay and I salute you sister. get that dick!!! But even in situations where you're with a stranger, sex is a very intimate thing, and it would make your experience 1000x better if you can at least tell the person cares about you and your body and your wishes during sex. Everyone deserves to be respected during an intimate act like sex and if you feel you're not being respected, whether it's your body, your wishes, your limits, your choices, do not feel obligated to still go through with this person.

3. You have to be wet. Of course not all sexual encounters happen the same way, and every female gets off on different things or turned on by a variety of actions, but essentially you have to be wet for sex. Most men understand this but a lot also don't, basically you gotta get into that juicy foreplay to get wet my girl. Try making out, maybe if you're sitting down swing a leg over his lap and bam you're straddling him. This position is usually optimal because you gain the opportunity to grind against yo man's crotch and my fucking God, does that shit feel hella nice. It's also highkey ego-boosting feeling how much the guy's getting worked up because literally anytime you grind or move over their crotch it immediately spikes to their dick and you can usually feel them against you. If you're standing, try moving to an area that has a wall and keep grabbing at your man's neck, usually men naturally will indicate you to jump and you'll easily be all up against the wall making out, this gets hella fun too cause being carried like that is so 😩

3.2. Okay cool, we're making out, now it's essentially a game of go with the flow. Men usually take the initiative and begin the escalation of things on their own. Maybe he'll start kissing down your neck, his hands are gonna be somewhere at your waist, maybe inching down to your ass or maybe he's an ass guy and he's already palming at yo cheeks. Regardless, I can confidently say you can sit back and relax, let yourself feel, get into the kissing and grinding and if you love the way he's touching you, make some noise and let him know, don't be afraid to be turned on and goddamn horny, dudes love that shit. You however are also allowed to take the wheel, and guys usually search for the greenlight from girls by sensing their movements and how eager they seem for the go-ahead on anything. If maybe you begin tugging at his clothes, they'll usually think "okay, she's okay with this rn" and so on. This part's sincerely just go with the flow, you don't need to rush and honestly the more foreplay the better for getting your puthy wet. Make sure you're comfy and your partner makes sure you're okay with that they're doing to you.

3.3. Whoop dee doo your man's hands are suddenly going, you know, places. Another case of go with the flow, if you're comfortable with your man wanting to do a lil rubby dubby on your kitty then totally let him, this shit feel's god-like I tell you. Maybe I'm just a sensitive ass whore, who knows but something about feeling a man's hands do what your lady fingers can't just HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But essentially from here maybe you wanna reciprocate. Get them pesky pants open and feel your man up. Reach inside those boxers and touch that beast he's hiding inside. Make sure to go nice and slow and your hands aren't rough, men's dick are super sensitive and if you go too hard on at least a dry dick it acc hurts them. Men usually leak pre-cum at their tips so try using some of that to slick up your hand.

3.4. That's handjobbing, now if we're getting into oral, very important things to remember. A) retract your teeth, it's hard and it hurts to do it for a long time but teeth will hurt dudes a lot so suck them in and away from their cocks. B) Hollow your cheeks, men like the tightness of a mouth and that's what really gets them going. C) BREATHE THROUGH YOUR NOSE PLEASE DO NOT JUST STOP BREATHING AND TAKE YOUR TIME OKAY BLOWJOBS ARE ACC VERY FUCKING HARD AND FUCK YOU UP especially for someone like me who has a small mouth, yeah that shit sUCKS but nothing is more beautiful than seeing a man fold under your touch. D) Tease yo man a bit, kitten licks and kisses, dragging your tongue over his slit, maybe a pump and then take him out, slick him up with some saliva maybe, anything you feel like doing go ahead girl, that dick is yours for the time being and I promise he'll love it. E) Deep-throating is really when gets guys going cause they only acc feel shit at their tips, so please deep-throat with caution, and take your time if he's a big one, you can acc really hurt yourself especially if you're constantly deep-throating a really big one. F) Go to town girl, get up and bobbing, go down on him like he can't survive without you, go at your own pace and own it. G) Balls usually go neglected and I promise if you even fondle them or grab at them your man will combust.

3.5. Okay so with actual sex, FIRST OF ALL BE SAFE!!!! USE A FUCKING CONDOM, IF YOU DON'T HAVE ONE THEN DON'T FUCK BUT IF YOU'RE STILL HORNY THEN PLEASE RECIEVE SOME MONEY FROM YO MAN FOR PLAN B!!! IT'S NOT ENTIRELY FOOLPROOF THOUGH PLEASE REMEMBER THAT RISK. You can totally go on birth control too but this has its complications, there are also monthly shots you can take and other contraceptives.

3.6. Okay it's sexy times, this is just gonna have to be a thing for you. Everyone's different and has different comfort levels, maybe you can take someone that’s bigger while some women can't and that's fine. Just make sure when he does go in, you feel okay with it. It will hurt if you’re dry and not wet, like hurt a lOT but if you do feel loads of pain just let your partner know to go slower, and let yourself get used to the feeling of something inside. You can always say stop if it hurts too much, seriously it's normal and that's what I did with my first boyfriend. Hell I fucking kicked my ex off me LMAO and he was so sorry and we just ended everything there, and had actual sex the next time I visited him. From here on I've really got no lady tips, essentially it's up to you what you like and what you'll do, get it on!!!

General Tips:

4. Be you, and be confident. I know sex can be really daunting especially when you consider men usually tend to be more experienced, and maybe you become afraid you won't measure up or be as good as his previous partners or you’re not good at sex, but baby girl it ain't about that. This dude is going to have sex with you because he wants to have sex with you, and whether that's his dick speaking for him or his heart, it means he will not be thinking about some other  chick he got it on with a year ago, he will be thinking of you and your pretty mouth and what you're doing, focused on touching your body and thinking he loves the way it feels. The more confident you are, the better. You're sexy and pretty and you are desirable babes, let those noises he makes when you touch him drive your confidence, the way he groans a little when you do something, the way he's tugging your body close to yours cause he wants to feel you, it all means he wants you and that's hot, let it boost your lady ego my love. You're allowed to be shy, I totally understand that, and if your partner really cares about you then they'll easily take your hand and guide you through it. Let them know you're a little nervous, and they'll really try to make things more comfy and easier for you because sex is about both parties, not just one.

5. Orgasming is hard, but it's still achievable. Especially in an open, established relationship, really let your man know what turns you on. Let him feel at your cooch while he's penetrating you and I promise that can usually get you orgasming. Other than that, another huge case of doing what you need to do to get yourself off, and always let your partner know. If you’re really searching for an orgasm in a newer relationship or if you’re too shy to say something, then literally just take your man’s hand and place him over your clit and start rubbing with him, he’ll get the hint and start doing it himself. 

6. Communication is key. This is obvious, but even if it's dirty talk, usually it's still a way to communicate and see if you're okay. You can ask to go slower, faster, softer, harder, stop altogether or entirely wreck your goddamn shit. Your partner should listen and if they don't, get the fuck out of there and leave that man, he don't fucking deserve you at all, especially in situations where you ask to stop or to slow down cause maybe something hurts, if he doesn't listen here then no, he don't deserve shit and LEAVE. Don't be afraid to make noise either or say something, dudes usually love hearing you. If you don’t like something please let your partner know, I’m sure they’re wondering if you do and would love to hear you communicating. 

7. Be clean after you're done woo-hoo-ing. Make sure you're tidy and stuff before putting clothes back on, sex can get messy especially if it's your first time you can bleed. Usually if the dude is a sweetheart enough they'll clean you, which is obviously aftercare uwu.

8. Pee after sex, UTI's are not fun. 

9. Your body may also feel weird or go through changes after you have sex for the first time, but that’s normal. Just you body’s response to feeling something foreign inside you. 

10. Ladies, remembering during sex that you have power, IT’S YOUR BODY!!!! Whether it’s because you’re totally domming or because your man is super duper sweet and will not do anything unless you want it, sex is meant to be fun and for both parties’ enjoyment. It’s not a chore nor is it something you HAVE to do to keep your man around or something, let yourself have fun girl, you deserve it. The flow of sex and any activities as such are usually dictated by you and what you want, so remember you don’t have to go through with something if you don’t want to. It shouldn’t matter if a dude really badly wants to get his dick wet, this is your body and you are to decide what happens to it. If a man makes you believe otherwise, FUCK THAT DUDE!!!! HE DON’T DESERVE YOU!!! YOU DESERVE LOVE AND RESPECT AND TO BE CARED FOR AS A HUMAN BEING!!

[reservethesun]

listen my dude if you feel that uncomfortable that you gotta make an excuse to go wash your hands then you're not ready and it's not the right situation for you pls don't push yourself just cause dr por wants you to. clearly tawan isn't into it and now dr por is getting irritated and i kinda wanna smack him cause there's nothing wrong with not being ready yet. the fact that they keep bringing back this romantic, sultry music just makes me hella uncomfy cause it's not romantic how uncomfortable tawan is. he doesn't even seem like he wants to but he's just nervous, he just seems uncomfortable.

aldfajl deer rushes head first into everything doesn't she? but anyway, calling the one doctor the father of her children before even going on a date lmao. ohhhhh he doesn't even like women i can't lmaoooo. i mean great for him that he's so open about it but that's just her luck isn't it? but of course dr por is annoyed at tawan going to help his friend can i just smack him now?

i love mork getting advice from the uncles and them teasing him despite his protests - he's protesting too much and not earnestly enough lmaooo. maybe he hasn't recognized his feelings but they're definitely there.

[mobbu-min]

Alluka Headcanons

In which our lovely reader is an older sister figure for Alluka. And its a wholesome and sweet. 

The day you and Alluka meet it was an instant click. Being the only girl in the group guaranteed some form loneliness when it came to girl things that you weren’t too keen on sharing with any of the boys.

But once you two met, oh boy, was there no separating the both of you. You were practically glued together(unless she was with Killua ofc).

You and Alluka tease the hell out of Killua, he absolutely hates it but can’t bring himself to get mad at the both of you.

As Alluka’s ‘older sister’ you’re hella protective of her. Not to the point where its another Illumi and Killua situation, but enough that if anyone threatens her or does anything that makes her uncomfy you’re throwing hands and nobody can stop you.

You both go out on shopping dates and give each others outfits to try on. Defiantly has a fashion show for the boys after you’re all done. They cheer you both on.

If she needs any advice you're the first one she goes too. She and Nanika trust you and your opinion. 

Speaking of Nanika, it took you awhile to gain her trust, but once you do she adores you!

At first you were a little put off, because you weren’t expecting her to come out so suddenly. But you quickly shook it off and greeted her like an old friend. For that Nanika instantly likes you, because you didn’t treat her any different then Alluka.

One of your guys favorite activities is to have sleepovers.

You watch bad romcoms, paint each others nails and do each other make-up, eat all of Killua’s chocolates robots(for that he did yell at you) and talk about random things(mainly just gossiping about the boys)

You show the girls more about the world and the media. You tell them everything they want to know and explain it to them to the best of your abilities.

Sometimes when Alluka has nightmares, she’ll go to your room for comfort, either cuddles or to talk. Normally, you’ll tell her about your adventures with her brother and friends. You tend to overexaggerate parts just to see her smile and laugh. 

Overall, you both adore each other.

 You both are family, even if you aren’t blood relate, but that okay. Ever since you’ve meet each other the world has seem a little brighter, because you have each other.

-------

Imma gonna be honest with you, the moment I saw Alluka and how they were treating her, I was about to go kick some ass! My older sister instincts kicked in and all I wanted to do was to give her the love and respect they didn’t give her. Like honestly, the least they could’ve done after locking her up from the world was to at least refer to her with the correct pronouns, jeez 🙄

Also first time doing this type of format thing, so I have no idea what Im doing ✌😘