#it’s Marvel after all I don’t even remember how I got sucked it

[mistythedritten]

You know, one thing that’s been weird is because of how relatively new the DSMP is, and with it being the first media I’ve engaged in fandom with, now that I’ve ventured into other fandoms, it’s *weird* reading a fic and the realizing it was written in 2016.

Like WHAT. Then I remember that some of these movies came out in, like 2010.

So.

That’s a thing.

[imyourbratzdoll]

𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒓

🍓the strawberry shack masterlist🍓

summary - when the world was good, negan had always visited the strawberry shack after work and when the world ended, he didn't expect to find the place still up and running.

warning - smut, gloryhole, creampie, swearing, daddy kink, breeding kink.

18+ only please, the gif and headers I use aren't mine.

Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

Negan stared shocked at the building still standing as though it had never been touched by the apocalypse. The sign still flashing ‘The Strawberry Shack’, no sign of the dead around. He was brought back to when the world was fine when the dead didn’t walk. He remembered finding this place and heading inside, finding the perfect woman each time. That woman being you, you were the one he’d cheat on his wife with. You’d take away all his thoughts and feelings. He wondered if there was anyone inside, so with large strides, Negan heads toward the building and enters. Stopping short as he sees the same woman sitting at the front desk.

“Hiya hun, nice to see ya again. What would you like?” She taps her perfectly manicured nails against the counter, staring at him as she waits for his response. 

“Sex, sugar. But I got no cash.” Negan watches, waiting to wake up and for this to be a dream. 

The woman waves her hand, “Don’t worry, hun. It’s free of charge for our favourite customer.” She smirks, “You know where to go.” He nods, walking toward the door and he surveys the room. It seems that only one person is working, and he’d recognise that arse anywhere. 

“I see you’re still working, sugar. Even with the hell going on outside.” He walks closer, eyes focused on how you clench around nothing at his voice. “How I’ve missed you. Shit.” He groans, feeling his cock harden and throb. Negan grabs the flesh of your arse, giving it a good squeeze before he reaches down and plays with your clit. “Fuck, sugar. You’re already so wet for me.” He leans Lucille against the wall as he reaches down, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants before pulling out his cock. Giving it a few strokes, watching precum leak for his swollen tip. “So, fucking hard for you.”

Negan lines himself up with your entrance, rubbing his cock up and down as he collects your juices before he slowly pushes into you. His eyes practically rolling to the back of his head, leaning one hand against the wall while the other grips your hips. “Jesus, sugar. You’re so fucking tight!” He groans, sliding deep inside of you before pulling back out and thrusting in, repeating the movements over and over. “Shit!” His balls slap against your clit, causing you to dig your nails into the bench beneath you, your walls tighten around him, sucking him in deeper. 

Your moans fill the room alongside the slapping of skin, you wiggle your arse, pushing up against him, causing him to go deeper inside of you. “That’s it, baby girl. You gonna let Daddy breed you, huh? Pump you full of my cum like before? You miss being full of me, sugar?” Negan’s words cause you to clench around him, your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

“Yes! Yes! Please breed me, Daddy! Pump me full!” You whine, your toes curl as you cum, coating Negan’s cock with your juices. He grips your hips harder, burying himself deeper inside of you as he cums, coating your walls with his white cream. You sag, sinking into the bench beneath you.

“Fuck me, sugar. That was the best fuck I’ve had in a long time. Might have to take you with me.” Negan groans as he gently pulls out of you, tucking his cock back into his jeans and pushing his cum that leaks from your cunt back in. You let out a huff, your lower half tingling. “I gotta go, sugar. I hope we meet again.” He pinches your cheek before grabbing Lucille, swinging his bat over his shoulder and walks off, giving the woman at the front desk a nod before leaving, heading back to his sanctuary.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

[sanjisblackasswife]

𝕋𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕞 𝕥𝕠 𝕒 ℕ𝕦𝕕𝕖 𝔹𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕙

Ft. Luffy, Sanji, Zoro,

Black Fem Reader

CW: Suggestive, Nudity

Luffy

When you tell him you both were going to a “special” beach today Luffy didn’t really care.

“Nude beach? For what sex? Everybody has sex on the beach?”

“NO!”

Cackling the entire time

Not at the naked women and men around him no.

He’s seen plenty of naked people and been naked in front plenty of people himself so him having to take off his clothes was nothing to him.

It was the damn joke he made entering:

“I thought this would be a beach where I eat meat not see other men’s meat.”

He’s just laughing at himself with his dingdong out for 30 minutes

Also Luffy greets everybody at the beach.

Remember how he stood so proud and tall in Amazon Lily showing his family jewels?

Same thing.

Either than that he has no issues with a nude beach. He didn’t fawn over anybody and he kept his eyes on only you and his food.

However he did flick your nipple a few times while your were sun bathing to get your attention.

It got worse when you slapped his hand and ignored him, so he sat beside you on the towel, and reached over to place your nipple in his mouth.

“LU—-!?”

“‘M hungry and i ate all the food.”

“BUT WHY SUCK—“

“It’s the only way you payed attention to me….plus we’re naked.”

Why would you take him there.

Zoro

He accidentally stumbled upon it trying to take you to a beach ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ISLAND.

The moment you both enter you’re welcome by an old man with his (hard) dick greeting you both.

Mortified isn’t the word he felt.

He immediately covers your face by smooshing you in his tiddies

“HEY PUT SOME DAMN PANTS ON SIR!”

Face is red the entire time.

Stuttering mess too especially when you already begin to get naked.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS ISNT—“

“C’mmonnn let’s just try it.”

He tries to cover his face and leave but you insist to try it out.

After the promise of being in a secluded area behind a big rock he gives in

but he keeps his Sash on that holds his swords.

“Baby we are not ganna get attacked—“

“We don’t know these people!”

“So you’re ganna fight with ya dick out?”

Eventually Zoro does relax jusssttt a little because you brought a drink for him he does admire the view of your body while sunbathing.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer.”

“Nobody is looking at you woman.”

It is kind of weird for him only because you both are naked when having sex or taking a bath so it took him a bit to adjust if not expecting either.

He’ll never tell you but laying under the sun with you in the nude did feel great. Cuddled up, with you laying on his chest. Up until he heard Usopp’s voice calling for you both and you had to rush into your clothes.

Sanji

*sigh* …his idea.

He swore up and down he wouldn’t look at any woman besides you if y’all went.

That wasn’t a huge concern but the fact that he may try to get freaky on the beach was what you were worried about.

He only found out because of Franky too.

“PLEASPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE—“

It’s not like you were opposed. But…It’s Sanji.

He has seen you naked plenty of times and he swears he’ll behave so you guys head out.

Luckily it’s not very crowded and it was mostly couples.

It was such a big sigh of relief.

Sanji finds a nice out of the way area under a palm tree and is already tugging your dress.

“Okay calm down cowboy!”

He’s blushing already seeing you,

As well as yourself seeing his well taken care of body beside you.

He surprisingly behaves. Sure a few glances were snucked but that was mostly because you stared first

He even brings a little picnic and of course..

“Want me to put some sunscreen on you, baby?”

Such a perv.

But you allow him, his eyes marvel at your supple body, brown skin glistening as his soft hands glide the lotion all over your body.

Especially your thighs and breast.

He does have a few slip ups with you, maybe a kiss lingering for too long, causing him to hover over you and trail his lips down your neck. You swore you both forgot you were in public so you had to stop him before his hovering hand over your tiddy was ganna lead to something less appropriate.

“S-sorry.”

You did feel like a queen though. He fed you fruit, took PLENTY of pictures, and massaged your body

Appropriately.

But just like all good things it must come to an end

Because Sanji began to poke you from a specific area and insisted you both go home for the day.

Either than that you’d take him again.

[urdreamydoodles]

HIII I'm a fan of yours and I love your writing style!! May I request a Quicksilver (X-Men evolution or X-Men Apocalypse one) X reader! Where reader has the ability to copy mutant power (she's base on my OC) and has a love-hate relationship with Peter and reader Gets sick and is in the her room resting! Thanks!!

Peter Maximoff (X-Men: Apocalypse) x Sick!Reader

You are sick and Peter comes to see you in your room (Love/Hate relationship)

Sick and resting in your room, you're unexpectedly visited by Peter Maximoff, with whom you shares a love-hate relationship. Despite your usual banter and tension, Peter stays by your side, revealing a softer, more caring side as he looks after you.

Chatacter: Peter Maximoff (X-Men: Apocalypse)

I'm so happy every time I hear I have a new fan! I hope you like it ♡ — Love, Marie, your friendly marvel fangirl

- You’d never admit it out loud, but being sick sucks. Even for someone like you, who can copy the powers of any mutant you come into contact with. Usually, that ability would come in handy, but not today. Your head pounds, your body aches, and you’re sprawled across your bed, buried under a heap of blankets that should make you feel warm but somehow aren’t enough. It doesn’t help that Peter Maximoff, aka Quicksilver, decided today of all days to show up at your door, acting like his usual cocky self.

- Peter’s been lounging around your room for hours now, leaning against your dresser with that infuriating smirk on his face. He’s tossing one of your pillows up and down, occasionally speeding around the room to catch it just before it hits the ground. You glare at him from your bed, your voice hoarse as you say, “Don’t you have somewhere better to be?” He just grins, his silver hair falling into his eyes as he shrugs. “Nah, this is way more fun.” You roll your eyes, even though, deep down, you don’t really mind his company. It’s annoying, sure, but there’s something about Peter that keeps pulling you back. Maybe it’s the way he looks at you when he thinks you’re not paying attention.

- “You’re sick,” he says, matter-of-factly, like he’s just figured it out. You narrow your eyes at him, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Wow, Peter, I had no idea. Thanks for the heads-up.” He speeds over to the side of your bed in a blink, resting his hand on your forehead. “Yep, you’re burning up,” he says, his voice a mix of concern and teasing. You swat his hand away, but your heart skips a beat. He’s too close, and even though you feel like crap, the tension between you two is still there, crackling in the air like static.

- The thing with Peter is that for every snarky comment, there’s a quiet moment that follows. He sits at the edge of your bed now, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket. “You know, if you wanted attention, you didn’t have to get sick,” he jokes, but there’s a softness in his voice. You don’t reply, feeling a little too exposed under his gaze. It’s rare for the two of you to be like this—alone, with no distractions, no witty comebacks. Just you and him. The silence stretches on, and for once, it’s not awkward.

- You shift slightly, wincing as the soreness in your muscles flares up again. Peter notices immediately, his brow furrowing. Before you can protest, he’s gone in a blur, only to reappear seconds later with a glass of water and some painkillers. “Here,” he says, almost shyly, handing them to you. You take them without a word, surprised at how thoughtful he’s being. This wasn’t like him. You’ve always known Peter as the guy who runs away from responsibility, who never sticks around long enough to care. But right now, he’s here, and he’s staying.

- “You don’t have to stay, you know,” you murmur, though part of you hopes he doesn’t listen. He shrugs, looking away, but you catch the hint of a smile on his lips. “I know. But I’m fast, remember? I’ve got time.” He leans back against the headboard, his shoulder brushing against yours. The contact sends a shiver through you, and you’re not sure if it’s from the fever or something else entirely. You turn your head slightly, watching him out of the corner of your eye. He’s pretending to be engrossed in something on the ceiling, but you can tell he’s aware of your every move.

- The love-hate dynamic between the two of you is exhausting at times. It’s a constant push and pull—one minute, you can’t stand each other, and the next, you’re sharing moments like this. It’s confusing, frustrating, but undeniably exciting. You wonder if Peter feels it too, this unspoken tension that’s been building for who knows how long. Maybe that’s why he’s here now, sticking around even though you’re at your worst. Maybe he’s finally starting to realize what’s been right in front of him all along.

- You feel yourself drifting off, the exhaustion finally catching up to you. As your eyes flutter closed, you feel Peter shift beside you. His hand brushes against yours for just a second, hesitant but deliberate. “Get some rest, okay?” he whispers, his voice softer than you’ve ever heard it. You don’t respond, too tired to form words, but you feel the corner of your lips tug upward into a small smile. Maybe, just maybe, Peter Maximoff isn’t as impossible as you thought.

[hylianane]

Sorry for suddenly bringing up Spiderverse for the first time in like five months, but it kills me that the one character’s whose movie I most want to see dimension I most want to see in the movieverse is Jess Drew’s but I also know that it’s the one we’re LEAST likely to get because Sony doesn’t have the rights to the Avengers and unlike other Spideys, Jess’s most popular stories are built almost entirely around SHIELD and HYDRA. But like. Come on, isn’t utilizing them for this version of Jess so cool in theory?

Because I’m not a die hard comic book fan I specially haven’t ventured into reading Marvel comic since I was kind of little and had a crush on both Mystique and Nightcrawler but even I know Secret Invasion, and how Jessica Drew was key. She was replaced by Veranke, the very Skrull Queen. With this in mind, don’t you think an adapted Secret Invasion storyline would be sort of sick in contextualizing Jess’s actions in ASTV?

NOT by making her secretly be an alien the whole time but rather, making her part of her dimension’s Avengers that had to deal with a Skrull Invasion, who she has to watch fall apart because everyone loved each other too much to distrust each other when they needed to. I remember watching the Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Secret Invasion adaptation, and the Skrulls only attacked when the Avengers gave them the opportunity. When their attachment got rid of all reason and they trusted someone else knowing that they shouldn’t.

Wouldn’t that be a sort of badass explanation for Jess’s emotional distance in ASTV? Is that just my childhood nostalgia speaking?

“You never made a mistake? Never got too close to someone?”

“I did. But I got over it.”

“I know he’s your friend but it’s the only way.”

“But my gut says-“

“So use your head!”

And listen I know Marvel allowing Sony to use the Avengers even in passing is unlikely, letting them do their own Secret Invasion take (even if just as a comicbook backstory flashback) is an even more impossible after their live action adaptation sorta flopped (or is it even out yet? i have little interest in watching it ever after their dumbass ai poster). But at least let me enjoy my HC about movie Jess’s life before the Spider Society for a year or two until the next film proves me wrong. Even if it’s unlikely or if you just think it kinda sucks. SPECIALLY if you think it kinda sucks.

[amandacanwrite]

OC in Fifteen

Thanks @kaylinalexanderbooks for the tag!!

Rules: use at most fifteen lines of dialogue that accurately describe an OC. The less context the better but you can include some of you want

Tagging some writer friends (if I forgot you its not because you're forgettable its because my memory sucks) but also leaving an open tag for anyone who wants to play! @dyrewrites @rraeta @illarian-rambling @saruman100 @a-crystallen-author

Shall We Do Oleander Ambrose from my upcoming novel? Yes let's do it.

Oleander Ambrose

“I wouldn’t miss the chance to rob you blind. I owe you for that game before I left for school."

“The only girl in town that would ever catch my gaze is Juniper, Mrs. Harlow.” 

“Rolling your sleeves up, eh? It must be serious for you to show so much skin."

“It is worth every cost, Juniper. It’s worth everything to defend you from any words that impugn your honor and worth as a young lady,” he insisted. “I would put my life on the line to protect that, Juniper.” 

“You sure you’re going to be warm enough?” Oleander fussed as he straightened her cloak. “Positive you won’t need gloves?” 

“That was the day I saw—for the first time—that I finally had a family that cared about me. I don’t remember much about the time before I came here, except feeling alone in the world... until you shed tears for me.” 

“If she’s got dirt on her face, she's more than capable of cleaning it off herself, Vervain."

“I just worry that with how she sees herself, she’ll take anyone’s mistreatment because she feels it's all she deserves.” 

“A fever,” Ollie interrupted. “Juniper has a fever, Mr. Vervain. Thank you for coming to check on her, but I’m afraid she’ll need to get back to bed if there is any hope of her recovering in a timely manner.” 

“Juniper, I mean it.” Oleander sobered suddenly, his brows tensing slightly over those pale blue eyes. They were more fire than ice in his intensity. “The only requirement for not doing something is that you simply don’t want to. If you don’t want to talk to someone, if you don’t want to go somewhere—that’s a Moon-given right. Don’t let anyone, not even Mister and Misses Harlow, convince you otherwise.” 

“Did that– did he–” His voice built as a roiling anger boiled his blood in his veins, “Did that pompous, preening bastard propose to you?” 

"I have felt so jumbled up this last week, not knowing if I carried the legacy of my father or my mother. I thought I would feel like I knew my identity better after learning all this, but I still don't feel any different than when I left the village."  

“You’re alright. I can’t believe you took a train all the way out here by yourself, Juni.” The smile he gifted her with was a marvel, tinged with a little bit of wetness even. “I’m so damned proud of you, you silly girl.”

“Juni, there is nothing about you that needs to be fixed. I don’t love you in spite of your struggles. I love every bit of you, including your struggles. You are the most beautiful, broken thing—like a chipped teacup mended with gold,” he said. “Watching you try every day to be more than you were the day before is my inspiration—Juni, you are my muse.” 

“I am not a dandy,” he grumbled with a playful nip at the shell of her ear. “You’re just infuriatingly practical.” 

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers #294: "If Wishes Were Horses...”

August, 1988

WHO leads the Avengers?!

-vibrates in anger-

You suck, Anthony Druid.

Let’s get into this.

Last times in Avengers: Despite having shown herself to be competent previously, leader of the Avengers Monica Rambeau Captain Marvel actually sucks and you’re a fool if you think otherwise. She spends all of her time thinking to herself about how incompetent she is and she never accomplishes anything without someone telling her to do it.

Grumble.

Also, Namor’s wife and former member of Alpha Flight Marrina turned into a giant sea monster for some reason. How mysterious. Dr Druid wanted them to murder her immediately if not sooner due to the damage giant sea monster Marrina was doing to shipping and coastal settlements. The other Avengers wanted to at least try to cure her, which Dr Druid saw as a foolish sentiment.

So after Druid mind manipulated into attacking Atlantis to get Namor on board, the Avengers tried a cure Hank Pym whipped up.

It worked for a hot minute before Marrina started turning into a monster again.

Thor and Captain Marvel shocked the transforming Marrina with electricity to try to stop her from transforming. But when it didn’t work, Namor took Black Knight’s extremely cursed sword the Ebony Blade and killed Marrina. With disastrous, to be revealed consequences for Black Knight because the extremely cursed sword had a blood curse on it and whoops slicing Marrina’s head open got blood on the blade.

Only after the fact does Dr Druid notice that Monica disappeared after she tried to shock Marrina.

Where could she beeeeee?

And what will happen to Black Knight?

This will happen.

So, at the end of last issue, he passed out on his Atomic Steed flying device. So when they brought him into the Quinjet, why did they put him near the controls? Don’t they have a medical bed or something in the back?

Anyway, Black Knight is freaking out and thrashing so hard that even Thor and She-Hulk - who can probably throw buildings - are having trouble holding him down.

Cough cough bullshit cough.

He calls out for this sword so Thor being Thor decides nothing wrong with giving a man a sharp object when he’s having a fit.

AND THOR IS RIGHT.

How dare you doubt Thor!

Dane immediately calms down once he has the blade in his hand. So he’s able to explain to the Avengers (who at least knew that the Ebony Blade was extremely cursed) that despite not being the one who did the deed, the curse is upon him as the owner of the sword.

And the first part of the curse is that he feels like his blood is on fire if he’s not holding the extremely cursed sword.

So, that’s going to be a little awkward. Carrying it around everywhere. At least he’s shown in the past that he can magically summon the sword to his hand. Buuut I’m pretty sure the pain of not holding it is so severe that he can’t focus to do that. He couldn’t even focus to pull it from its scabbard at his waist.

Yeah, this is going to suck. You should just go ahead and get one of those locking gauntlets or tie your hand to the hilt. Otherwise, you’re just asking for it to get knocked from your hand to incapacitate you during fights.

Now that he’s not writhing in pain, Black Knight remembers that Monica is missing.

She-Hulk proclaims that Monica has got to be alive! And they really have no reason to jump to the assumption that she’s dead.

Dr Druid, proving himself the worst, thinks to himself: “And good riddance, if she’s not [alive], She-Hulk. Captain Marvel was too soft to have been an effective leader of the Avengers. And her departure from the active ranks couldn’t have been more timely for me.”

I hate you, you fuckboy.

Anyway, Druid proclaims he’s laying in a course so She-Hulk interrupts to insist that they not leave until they find Monica.

Dr Druid: “Please, Jennifer. Don’t let your emotions run away with you. I was about to say I’ve already laid in search pattern coordinates... and calibrated our instruments for a total electromagnetic spectrum and radiation scan. If there’s... anything left of her to find, we’ll find it.”

This reminds me when that future Captain Marvel, Carol Danvers, was on the Avengers as Ms Marvel. When a writer change brought with it disdain for Carol’s feminist roots. So she started taking things people said the wrong way and blowing up at them when really they hadn’t meant it that way at all.

But since Dr Druid is secretly hoping Monica is dead and because he changes his wording from laying out a course to laying out a search pattern, he’s probably just gaslighting She-Hulk.

The Avengers search the Atlantic for hours for a sign of Monica but can’t find anything. With the Quinjet quinfuel running low, She-Hulk finally agrees they’ve done all they could.

Can’t believe Monica is gone forever. And yet Dr Druid is still here for some reason.

Boo.

Back at Hydrobase, She-Hulk and Thor discuss Monica’s disappearance. She-Hulk argues that energy can’t be destroyed so Monica has to be somewhere, right? And Thor don’t know. She just vanished after the big electricity attack.

Meanwhile, Dr Druid excuses himself because, remember, he doesn’t give a fuck and hopes Monica is dead.

Plus, it’s Sex Dream O’Clock.

Dr Druid sits down in an uncomfortable looking chair and immediately feels like someone is calling out to him.

Nebula Kang appears saying she’s the one calling him “for danger threatens at every hand and you are needed.”

Dr Druid goes hey wait you look different from the other sex dream and Nebula realizes, shit, she forgot to turn on the generic blonde filter.

So she does and Dr Druid doesn’t ask follow up questions.

Possibly because Not-Godzilla is attacking.

I should contextualize.

That’s actually Destructikon. He’s come to destroy this ancient sex dream civilization.

And only Super Druid can stop him.

Because this crisis has brought out his Real True Power and given him a slightly better costume.

Super Doctor Druid: “Mine is almost the power of a god! And why not? Is Dr Druid not a man gifted above other men? Older? Wiser? Stronger of spirit? Is it any wonder that ultimate power must be mine?”

Destructikon doesn’t go down in just one punch. And starts smashing up the city.

Super Dr Druid angrily shouts that Destructikon is threatening his people and smashes the beast in the chin.

Sex dream Nebula Kang tells Dr Druid to wrap this up already.

Pfft.

Like, okay. Jumping ahead a little, this whole thing is playing to Dr Druid’s ego. It’s working like a charm. Just scroll up a little and see his speech about how he’s the best dude of all dudes and deserves to be the best.

Consider how as a newbie to the Avengers, he was already thinking “if I ran the zoo!”

Dr Druid is soooo vulnerable to flattery and Nebula Kang is playing him like a fiddle with this savior of the world scenario.

And no surprise that she feeds him a scenario where its good and right to kill a giant monster menacing a world considering he’s just been through the Leviathan Marrina stuff. It doesn’t just play to his ego in a general sense, it’s affirming how he acted recently.

But even she can only take so much before going ‘lets move this along.’

So Druid punches Destructikon’s teeth in and then uses the eye beams that he totally has to explode the beast like a parade float.

Super Doctor Druid: “It is over! Virtue has triumphed over evil. Let those who would enslave humanity in bondage tremble. For the vigilance of Dr Druid is unrelenting... and he shall crush the serpent beneath his heel!”

And after the victory parade, Blonde Nebula Kang waggles her ass at him for him to finally get to the sex part of these ominous power fantasy sex dreams.

I hate this storyline but I do love this extended sequence of Dr Druid turning into Superman and fighting Godzilla. Its so dumb that its great. And the sucker fully buys into the fantasy.

Blonde Nebula Kang tells Dr Druid that he’s now king of whatever place this is because he’s won the right to rule by trial of combat. And suggests not just this world, you’re going to save Earth too and be the big sexy ruler of that planet too.

Once again, he eagerly buys into this.

Dr Druid: “Finally I understand. This is the realm of precognition and I have been granted foreknowledge denied lesser men. You’re right. It is time for Dr Druid to step forward.”

He’s so dumb.

Later, at Hydrobase, She-Hulk bemoans what has happened to the team.

Marrina is dead. Namor is off somewhere chasing monster babies. Captain Marvel is missing. And Black Knight is super cursed.

With bad fashion.

Also with curses.

Holding the Ebony Blade stops Dane from feeling all the cursed agony but his body is slowly paralyzing.

To work around this, he’s built an exoskeleton he can wear over his armor.

It looks bad.

The light purple of whatever its made of messes up his color palette and hides his tunic or whatever with his crest. It looks baaaaaaaaad.

Why not build an exoskeleton that can fit under his armor so he doesn’t look so bad?

His armor is fused to his body and can’t be taken off.

Truly, this is a lot of curse.

Also, the curse gives him a bad attitude.

When She-Hulk suggests calling reserve members since they’re down to four people, Black Knight explodes in a torrent of insults at everyone who isn’t him.

Black Knight: “The Waspis no brain surgeon, Hercules was an airhead, Mantis became a cosmic valley girl, the Black Widow was always a waste... Starfox a mincing fop, and the rest of them weren’t worth a tinker’s dam! Not a decent warrior among the lot! Would Good King Richard have countenanced such wastrels in his legions? Aargh!”

How dare you speak ill of the Wasp!

Go to your room and think about what you’ve done!

(Oh, and he’s back to thinking he’s from Crusade times. Except now its explicitly something happening because the curse is fucking his brain, and not because Simonson didn’t get the character.)

The curse also apparently gives Black Knight A SIXTH SENSE OOOOooooOoooOOO spooky. Because he senses an intruder in the building when none of the security systems do.

This curse sure does a lot.

But Black Knight is insistent that there’s an intruder so the Avengers decide to form a search party and go room by room.

(Also, Jarvis is here. He delivers the exposition about Black Knight being fused to his armor. He doesn’t do a lot else so I wanted to just say Hi Jarvis! I appreciate you!)

It doesn’t take long before the Avengers find the “intruder” that Black Knight sensed.

A plume of energy erupts from the floor and forms into the shape of... Captain Marvel!

Hi Monica! I appreciate you!

But she’s not looking food. She looks emaciated and is at death’s door from exhaustion.

What could have happened to her??

Bad writing? Web MD says these are the symptoms of bad writing!

The Avengers call the hospital and Thor personally flies her there. Very alarmed that she feels lighter than a feather in his arms.

But have you considered Thor that your arms are massive? You’re really strong. Maybe that’s why she feels so light?

But now we look into the Kang subplot.

Nebula Kang is preparing to ditch.

She changes out of her Kang armor and into a casual outfit. Casual but just loaded with cleverly hidden technology. Perfect for the modern terrible lady on the go.

Nebula Kang: “Farewell, Kangs great and small. You may all be masters of temporality, able to travel at will through and across time without limit... But your collective times are running out! When next we meet... it shall be without compassion, without compromise, without facemasks!”

Her only regret is that she didn’t find the time to give Fred Kang a fuck but doesn’t think he has any information or technology that would be helpful to her.

Then she disguises herself as Blonde Sex Dream Lady again and gets in the warp hatch.

Where she selects the Far Out option.

... That seems way too whimsical to be Kang technology. They all hate whimsy.

But as she warps, Fred Kang (Kang-123488.23497) is spying on her. He didn’t trust the way she flirted with him so he watched her change clothes and go to use the warp hatch.

He’s very confused that she’s going to Earth and specifically the Earth of his own time stream. (Fred Kang is from the current Avengers time stream? Huh. But she specifically goes to the current day and to Hydrobase.

But while Fred Kang has been spying on Nebula Kang, Beard Kang and Yellow Mask Kang have been spying on him.

TOO MANY KANGS!

Beard Kang is apparently called Lord Kang and Yellow Mask Kang is apparently called Kang Cobra but we’ll see if I use those names instead of Beard Kang and Yellow Mask Kang.

Beard Kang has a beard and its coming out of his mask somehow. Why wouldn’t I call him Beard Kang?

Anyway, Beard Kang and Yellow Mask Kang have been spying on Fred Kang, as the newest Kang in their Kangllective. I can’t believe they went with the name Council of Cross-Time Kangs when Kangllective was right there. They could do Kangllective Action.

Anyway again. Fred Kang seemed like any other Kang, except for taking a shorter time to adjust than usual. But when Yellow Mask Kang was spying on him, he became unable to pinpoint Fred Kang’s actual physical location because Fred Kang is “jumping randomly back and forth through nanoseconds of time.”

Y’know, as ya do.

But the result is, Yellow Mask Kang isn’t able to figure out what Fred Kang is up to.

Beard Kang decides that its time to have a talk with their new pal Fred Kang.

Meanwhile, AT THE ACTUAL PLOT,She-Hulk and Grumpy Black Knight have gone to pick up Monica’s parents to take them to the hospital.

Did Monica ever mention that her parents were in on the secret? Because this would be really presumptive if she didn’t.

She-Hulk gives the explanation for what happened with Monica, giving the poor woman one last kick while she’s down.

As I said last East Coast Avengers post, when Captain Monica tried to electrocute Leviathan Marrina the same way Thor did, Monica fucked up because god forbid she do anything right ever. She somehow managed to electrify the entire Atlantic Ocean, vaporized trillions of tons of water which will surely do something to the climate, and dissipating her energy so that when she managed to reform she was all emaciated.

IN FAIRNESS, this is following up on an established downside of Monica’s powers. If she overuses them, she loses some of her own mass. This happened when she overexerted herself to knock down the shields of the Sanctuary II.

In unfairness, she did that to help take out an enemy that was willing to and capable of blowing up planets. This recent happening happens because by editorial mandate, she’s a dipshit who can’t even tie her shoes, one imagines.

Sigh.

Thor greets the Rambeaus before they see Monica and tries to set expectations for what kind of shape she’s in.

Because she looks like she’s terminally ill.

Maria declares Monica should come home with them so they can nurse her back to health. With home cooking.

Monica admits that she’s not capable of Avengersing right now so that’s probably a good idea.

Leading Dr Druid to smoothly butt into this family conversation to insist that a new chairman be selected right now. I mean, they’re all already here, right?

Then he kicks the Rambeaus out of the room so the Avengers can talk shop.

She-Hulk: “For crying out loud, doc.”

For real.

As soon as the concerned parents have been booted from the room, Dr Druid nominates himself.

Why shouldn’t the newest person on the team not lead?

Okay, I’m being very critical. Monica was newish to the team but not the newest. This is not like that.

But as Dr Druid argues:

“The Black Knight is partially incapacitated, Thor has other concerns than just the Avengers... and the SHe-Hulk, with all due respect, fails to project the proper image of leadership while wearing purple leotards.”

... GET HIS ASS JEN.

Fucker in his feetie pajamas thinks he can throw stones about someone’s costume!

I CANNOT believe.

Black Knight chimes in to say that he admires the image She-Hulk projects.

So some people in this room have taste.

Thor privately wonders if any of the people on the team can handle the responsibility of leadership.

And Dr Druid starts panicking when Thor asks Monica her opinion.

Generic Blonde Nebula Kang pops into his thoughts to tell him not to let his dreams be dreams so Dr Druid decides to be like every other Marvel psychic. An invasive asshole.

He uses his powers to force Monica to say that Dr Druid would be a wise choice. When a skeptical She-Hulk asks Thor what he thinks, Dr Druid uses his powers again.

I can’t tell if Druid fails or succeeds in this attempt. Thor somewhat suspects that his thoughts are being manipulated and shouts NO! unprompted. And then says that as the most experienced person still on the team, he’d make the best choice. But: he’ll agree with the majority decision.

Democracy! It’s good! When the votes aren’t manipulated!

Dr Druid makes She-Hulk says that he’s the best man for the job. Black Knight seems about to go into one of his Crusades adjacent rants about Dr Druid but a little bit of the ol’ psychic razzle dazzle and Black Knight is instead saying Dr Druid is the best candidate for chairman and in fact, Richard the Lionheart would think he was really cool.

So that’s four votes for Dr Druid and one for Thor.

Thor is suspicious about the way things played out but doesn’t seem willing to call it out.

(I will say that having Druid’s thought bubble merged with the speech balloons is a good way to show psychic manipulation.)

New Chairman of the Avengers Dr Druid arranges for the Rambeaus to be sent back to Atlanta. By public plane, not by Quinjet. Pssh, sure Monica was the former chairwoman but she doesn’t require the Avengers’ personal attention any more!

Dr Druid: “But the Avengers must prepare themselves for battle! The cosmos reverberates with the approach of unseen foes. Our enemies are gathering and the time is coming when we must face them together as a team. All of us! For the Avengers have a new leader. And the future is going to be much different than anyone expects!”

I wish him a very stub his toe.

Follow @essential-avengers​ and you too can wish bad occurrences on Dr Druid. Like and reblog and maybe comment. I’m lonely down here in the italics.

[deke-rivers-1957]

Toby's First Day

Ah wake up an' Ah feel like Ah'm gonna throw up. But Ah feel a lil better 'cause Ah'm layin' down on ma bed an it's a whole lot less scary. Ah can't see anything. Ah try an lift mah head up an' Ah fall right back down.

"Ow."

Ah try an get mah head up so Ah can look at Trevor when he ribbits an' see how he doin', but Ah can't. Ah feel like Ah jus wanna curl up in a ball. Ah remember the things Ah said ta Jacklin an Ah wish Ah didn't. Mah head still feels a lil woozy so Ah think Ah'll just lie here an... uh... an...

Time Skip

Ah finally stop snorin' an' wake up a little. Ah sit up real slow an' Ah look at Trevor. He's jus' lyin' there in his tank an' it looks like he ain't moved at all since Ah last saw him. Ah'm a lil confused bout how mah stuff an Ah got here. Somebody musta brought 'em while Ah was sleepin.

"Ya doin good lil buddy?"

He ribbits so Ah get up real quick an Ah hobble on over ta Trevor's tank. Ah open tha door an' Ah feed 'em. Ah take tha blood worm outta tha fridge an' Ah put tha cold, bloody wormy thing inta Trevor's tank an Ah see em suck it up. It makes a real mess a his face. Trevor looks at me real concerned wit tha wormy mess on his face an Ah know Trevor's worried 'bout mah well bein' so Ah smile a lil for 'em.

"Didja see who brought ya an mah stuff up here lil buddy? Cause Ah sure dunno who did."

Ah pet Trevor’s head.

"Yer a good froggie, Trevor. Even if ya got a bloody wormy all over yer face. Ah'mma wipe ya clean."

Ah go ta get a paper towel but when Ah look at Trevor Ah see him cleanin’ tha worm offa himself. Ah giggle an get closer ta see what he looks like witout tha worm.

"Ya be a good boy, Trevor. Ah'm gonna be goin downstairs fer mah first day a wizardin' school. Be nice ta the other froggies."

Ah finish puttin' on ma uniform, pick up mah backpack an' head off ta tha Great Hall.

"Toby? Are you alright?"

Ah notice Jacklin an' tha cauldron. It doesn't look like Jacklin's had much sleep either, but Ah don't wanna say anythin' yet. Ah've gotta start tha day nice.

"Ah'm real confused bout wha happened last night. How'd Ah end up in mah new bed?"

"Our prefect carried you upstairs after I brought it to his attention that you fainted."

Ah nod then look at tha cauldron an' don't know what else ta say, so Ah ask a question.

"What ya do'n with tha cauldron?"

"I’m bringing it to our Potions class today. I don’t want Professor Snape to take points away because we’re not prepared."

Tha name "Snape" sounds like someone's mispronouncin' "snake." Like "Snakin' around" or somethin'. But Ah don't wanna say that to Jacklin jus' yet, since we jus' got up an' Ah wanna be nice ta Jacklin till m' day goes sour. Ah look "prepared" ta take tha class wit m' friend Jacklin.

"Ya sure do seem prepared."

"I also took the time to look through our schedule and put everything that you need in your strange human device."

Ah raise mah eyebrow cause Ah got no idea what she's sayin.

"Mah what?"

"Oh. That big thing there."

Ah look at where she's pointin an Ah realize wha' she means now.

"Tha's mah backpack. It ain't that strange. Jus bout every kid uses 'em."

"How do you use this?"

"Ah jus' put it on like this."

Ah pick up mah backpack an put it on carefully.

"Tha's how Ah do it."

"Marvelous."

Ah'm glad Ah somehow managed ta impress 'er. Ah ain't realized that showin 'er somethin simple like a backpack'd do tha.

"How'd ya usually carry thangs if ya ain't got a backpack?"

"I put everything in my cauldron. We're not allowed to use magic in the corridors here, so on Potions days I just use that. My wand and quill are in the pockets of my robe."

"So ya really gotta know what ya need fer what day."

She nods at me.

"Yes that’s why I carefully planned how to carry everything last night."

"Well... yer real smart."

Ah look at tha books an' cauldron an' think maybe it's a good idea.

"Ya know, Ah never woulda thought of tha."

"So where did you get this backpack? I noticed that it had a lot of little zippers on it and wasn't sure if it's common."

Ah look at mah backpack.

"This one's giv'n ta me by Pop. It's real tough. Ah could drop it out tha window an' it jus' wouldn't break."

"Do you think you can put your cauldron in there? I wasn't exactly sure how to get it to fit. Your books were easy enough to put inside since they're rectangular."

Ah shrug since Ah jus know she's tryna help me.

"Sure, Ah'll try it."

Ah open up m' backpack an' try ta make room for tha cauldron. There's a buncha' magic stuff in tha way but Ah move it around an' eventually manage ta fit tha cauldron in. When Ah finish Jacklin's lookin up at me wit these big eyes all lil girls get when they're 'mazed by thangs.

"That’s amazing. Humans are so crafty without magic."

Ah don't fully understand wha tha means, but Ah like tha sound of it.

"Yeah. We get crafty, tha's fo sure."

Ah close m' backpack an' get ready ta head on downstairs.

"I hope I don’t lose my balance going down these stairs, Toby."

"Why'd ya think ya'd lose ya balance?"

"I need to use both hands to carry this cauldron. It’s too heavy if I tried to use one hand."

Ah look at tha cauldron an' then look at Jacklin.

"Ah think Ah should carry tha cauldron for ya. Ya can jus' put yer hands in tha pockets of yer robe."

It ain't tha big a deal, but Ah don't want Jacklin fallin' down tha stairs. Ah hold out m' hands ta take pick 'er up an tha cauldron.

"Toby are you sure you can handle both me and your backpack?"

Ah manage ta carry tha cauldron, Jacklin an' m' backpack down tha stairs.

"Ah can handle it. Ah got big muscles in tha farm boy arms."

"Very well then."

Ah walk down tha stairs an' toward tha Great Hall as tha breakfast crowd parts ways for me an' Jacklin.

"Ah'm okay."

Ah like carryin' Jacklin an' tha cauldron an' don't think anythin' about it till suddenly Ah hear some'un callin' out my name loud.

"We're at the bottom of the stairs Toby."

Ah see tha Great Hall in front of m' an' hear Jacklin callin' me. Ah know Ah can't carry Jacklin an' tha cauldron much longer. Ah stop walkin' for a second an' set Jacklin on tha floor.

"Jacklin?"

Jacklin turns to me.

"Yes?"

Ah try ta catch m' breath an' lean against tha wall of tha Great Hall. Ah feel a little tired.

"Thanks."

Ah look at tha empty cauldrons in Jacklin's hands an' feel real foolish.

"Can Ah ask you a question?"

Ah'm wonderin' if Jacklin noticed somethin' while Ah was carry'n her.

"Ah know Ah'm a little slow, but Ah can't help feelin' like Ah done wrong while Ah was carry'n ya."

Ah look at Jacklin's face real close an' look for a sign tha somethin' bad happened.

"You didn't do anything wrong Toby. I just was worried about you getting hurt. I thought my Veela magic was making you want to impress me."

Ah feel relieved.

"Oh. Well, Ah was jus tryin' ta do the right thing."

Ah sit down an look tha table. There's a lot a kids here an' for a second Ah wonder if Ah'm even gonna find m' seat. Ah get a feelin tha Ah'm gonna say someth'in wrong or do somethin' weird an' it's gonna ruin tha day. Ah feel real worried about tha day an' want it ta go slow. Ah start lookin' real worried ta Jacklin 'cause Ah don't wanna make her mad an' Ah don't wanna make the day go bad. Ah can't stand tha not be'in in tha right seat feel.'

"I think those are our tables there, Toby."

Ah look in tha direction Jacklin's pointin' an' see tha tables. Ah feel good 'cause Ah'm findin' m' way an' Ah don't wanna get lost here.

"Let's sit down here. This spot's open for us."

"Okay."

Breakfast foods start to appear on the table. Ah look for tha pancakes an' eggs so Ah can start eat'n them.

"Do you have any special interests Toby?"

"Well, Ah like pancakes a lot, but Ah think tha's jus' normal."

Ah shove as much pancake as Ah can fit in m' mouth.

"Does that mean you like cooking? I was thinking that if you had any special interests you might be able to find classes here that relate to them."

"No, Ah'm not good with cook'n."

Ah shove tha rest a' tha pancake a' in m' mouth an' look around tha hall real worried tha Ah ain't been able ta ask about somethin' Ah need ta know about. Ah finally decide m' need ta ask m' question is so important tha it's like tha whole day depends on it.

"Jacklin."

Jacklin looks over at m' when Ah call her name an' Ah get a real good feelin' tha things are gonna go right.

"Yes Toby?"

"Well, how do Ah fit in here? Ah dunno how we even make it onta the platform ta get ta the train if we ain't spose ta be seen by humans. Ah think Ah jus ain't meant ta be here."

Ah feel like m' whole day's gonna jus' crash an' all tha bad feelin' jus' keep buildin' an' buildin'.

"Everyone in this part of the Great Hall are part of the Gryffindor House. That’s how you fit in. Not everyone here has to be a pureblood like me. I don't think the average wizard in general knows that Platform 9 and 3/4s is charmed so that only those with magic blood can even get near it."

Ah start ta calm down a lil bit. Ah'm a Gryffindor. Ain't so bad. Ah look around tha Great Hall an' most people are wearin' tha Gryffindor colors an' Ah think tha's cool.

"Thank yuh! Nice ta know."

But tha silence jus' feels so loud. Ah feel like tha food is gettin' cold an' tha food smells an' tastes diff'r'nt. Ah know tha's how Ah am an' it's tha way Ah am but it's jus' so quiet right now.

"Have you ever thought about what you want to be when you grow up?"

"Not really."

Ah feel bad 'cause Ah dunno whut Ah wanna do an' there's so much time an' so many things Ah don't know. Ah've been so worried this tha day was fallin' apart tha Ah jus' haven't had any thoughts 'bout tha future.

"That makes sense. It’s hard to figure out how to use your magic if you haven’t learned anything about it yet."

Ah clean m' face an' hands real good so Jacklin won't think Ah'm sloppy. Tha pancake was real good though.

"Do you want to read our Potions book together?"

Ah look at Jacklin an' she's got a book open an' she's sittin' right next to me.

"Okay. Ah don't know if Ah'm gonna understand it though."

"I think this first chapter is about our supplies and why we need them."

"Oh, that's good. Ah could use some supply learnin'."

Ah start lookin' at the book an' it looks like it's letter based. Ah know how to read, but tha letters are real small an' Ah gotta look real hard to know which letter's next. Ah also gotta think real hard 'bout how tha letter sounds.

"Did your Pop ever get your vision checked?"

"No. Do Ah need ta have m' eyes checked?"

Ah keep read'n m' letter very slowly an' Ah'm startin' ta feel a little better 'bout tha day. This isn't so bad.

"I'm not sure since I have no idea why reading this book is difficult for you."

Ah don't wanna give Jacklin tha wrong idea, so Ah try ta explain m'self. The more Ah talk, the more Ah realize tha Ah do have m' problems, but they're jus' part a me.

"Well, when Ah see tha letters Ah can see 'em fine, but Ah dunno. Ah get through 'em real slow an' sometimes Ah... sometimes Ah don't remember what tha letter sounds like an' Ah gotta go back an' re-read it. An' it jus' takes a long time ta... ya know finish."

"Oh. So it’s a reading problem and not a vision problem."

Ah look down an' Ah get a little nervous 'cause Ah notice tha everybody at tha table's watchin' m'. So Ah finish m' lett'der fast an' look up real quick.

"I never thought that a cauldron’s metal would make a difference in how fast a potion’s brewed."

"Well, tha cauldron sure looks real important."

Ah look at tha pictures again an' it looks like tha cauldrons are the place where all tha magic happens in 'potion making.' Ah feel interested an' tha books is startin' ta make sense. M' nerves seem ta be leavin' an' Ah relax jus' a little bit more.

"There's jus' so much tha m' brain's gotta know all at once. So how long d'ya think it's gonna be before Ah figure out tha right way ta use m' magic?"

"As long as we take notes and do all of our assignments through all seven years, our professors will give us passing marks. Magic can be easy as long as you try."

"But how do ya know when you're doin' it right?"

It feels like there's gonna be a lotta mess ups in 'potion makin' an' other magic usin'. It's jus' too much to figure out an' some of it doesn't make any sense so far.

"If you try to say an incantation and you’re saying it wrong, then nothing will happen. With potion making you have to read everything carefully. Each potion is different so a lot can go wrong. From what my father told me about potion making, smoke is normal but nothing should explode or boil over."

"Oh, yeah."

Ah picture m'self at 'potion class. Ah see smoke an' m' mind starts to wonder. M'self an' tha others jus' watchin' 'potion boilin' up an' down an' tha smoke's makin' things seem jus' a little bit different. An' m' body's startin' ta sweat jus' a little bit. Ah imagine the fumes from tha cauldrons makin' m' head spin jus' a little bit. Ah try ta hold it together bu' Ah'm jus' a little nervous about tha whole thing.

"That was the bell. I think we should leave for the dungeons now. Are you feeling better, Toby?"

"Yeah Ah'm ok."

Ah start walkin' but Ah see Jacklin watchin' me an' somehow tha makes me feel a lotta bettah. Ah don't know why really. It jus' does. Maybe 'er Veela magic's hittin me after all. Ain't so bad then.

"Let’s see. I have my wand, our cauldrons, my potion book, and I think everything else is in your backpack. Is that right?"

"Yeah."

It looks like Ah got the basics. Ah don't really know what all Ah'm gonna need yet, but Ah think Ah'm all set for the first potions class. It's scary but... it's ok.

"In that case, I think we can go right to the dungeons for Potions with Professor Snape."

"Why'd Mr. Snape wanna have Potions class down in tha dungeons?"

Ah try ta picture it an' Ah can't see it. All Ah can imagine is some creepy dark place down tha stairs with spiders an' bats an'... who knows what. Ah start gettin' a little nervous agin.

"You have to call him Professor Snape. The dungeons are a great place to teach potions. They’re well ventilated and also act as a storage space for ingredients that are sensitive to sunlight.

"Oh. Well, tha's okay then."

Ah try ta imagine those places better but Ah still mostly see spiders an' bats. Ah shake m' head an' try ta get rid of tha picture.

Time Skip

Ah'm lookin' round tha dungeons. It's dim an' Ah can't see far. Ah notice it's jus' stone an' dirt under tha ground. Looks cold, but it's quiet. Ah think Ah like it.

"It looks like we made it to class a little early today."

"How much time d'ya think we have?"

Ah look over tha classroom door an' Ah start wonderin' what's in the potions room. Ah guess it's the place where the potions class is gonna take place. Maybe it's nice like da classroom. Ah hope so, but tha whole potions class' too much ta figure out.

"I believe we have just enough time to organize everything we could possibly need for today’s class."

Ah look back at tha potions table. Tha potions teacher probably starts teachin' right on tha bell. Ah don't want stuff in a mess when tha potions teacher walks in. Ah get busy try'n ta get tha stuff organized.

"Welp tha's all mah stuff."

Ah sit back straight in mah chair an' watch Professor Snape walk in. He looks real grouchy as Ah watch tha class sit down. Ah don't do anythin but jus' sit there lookin'. Ah figure tha's the smart choice right now. He starts lookin' over m' backpack an' Ah start feelin' kinda nervous again.

"We do not leave objects in the aisle. Move it to the other side of your chair."

Mah head starts ta spin as Professor Snape moves on. This potions class seems like it's gonna be harder than Ah thought. But Ah ain't gonna give up. Ah look around tha classroom an' notice tha other students all look like they knew to move tha object before tha potions teacher started teachin'. That's okay. Ah'm not like m' head's filled with a lotta magic like some of the others. M' job's jus' to get through tha potions class an' learn something.

"You are here to learn the subtle science and exact art of potion-making. As there is little foolish wand waving here, many of you will hardly believe this is magic. I don't expect you will really understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes bewitching the minds, and ensnaring the senses. I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even stopper death."

Ah watch Professor Snape talk an' Ah feel a lotta magic words jus' fly into mah head. Ah wanna have m' own bottled magic.

"I can see some of you have brought all of the required ingredients and equipment as if you expected to produce a potion on your first day. Well done. For those of you who brought everything you will be given a point for Gryffindor."

Ah take a deep breath an' Ah get ready for Snape ta start teachin' me stuff. Ah think he's gonna like me.

"Now you all should have read the introductory chapter of the Book of Potions in preparation of todays class. So if I were to ask what the difference is between a brass, copper, and pewter cauldron I would assume you would all know the answer."

Ah know tha a copper cauldron is good as it'll melt tha metal at tha right temp. Ah know that tha pewter doesn't get hot enough. But that's all Ah remember about tha cauldrons right now.

"The difference is the brewing speed. First years normally use a pewter cauldron because it brews at the slowest speed."

Ah look over at Jacklin. Ah guess she knows all tha answers an' Ah can't remember what Ah already know. M' shoulders start ta relax an' Ah listen in. Ah think it'll be safe enough ta just sit back an' let Jacklin tell tha right answers.

"Correct."

Ah see that he looks like he's a little pleased wit tha right answer. Ah hope that Jacklin knows most a tha answers. Ah like her an’ Ah don’t wanna see her get yelled at.

"Turn to page 394. Our first lesson will be about making the Cure for Boils Potion."

Ah find tha page and Ah look up real quick when Ah see it.

"This is your first test to see if you have any skill in potion making. A beginner worth teaching will successfully make such a basic potion before the end of class. You will be working in pairs to complete this potion. I will not tolerate students who backpack off of others."

Am Ah skilled enough ta make tha potion? Ah don't wanna fail this first test. Ah get paired up wit m' friend Jacklin.

"How do you want to divide the work Toby?"

"Well, Ah can read everythang ta make sure we ain't doin nothin wrong."

"So you can read each step and get all of the ingredients together?"

"Uh huh."

Ah point ta m' potion book sittin' on m' table an start readin the first step.

"In that case, I can start the fire. What does the first step say?"

"Well, it says ta take out a pewter cauldron."

Ah see 'er get it.

"What do we need to do next?"

Ah know what tha next step is!

"We gotta add 6 snake fangs an crush 'em in the mortar."

Ah start countin cause Ah can obviously count ta 6 then start crushin 'em.

"How's this look?"

"I think you crushed them enough, Toby. They needed to be a fine powder and it looks a lot like dust."

Ah read the next step.

"All righ', four measures a' tha snake fangs."

Ah see Jacklin count out tha snake fangs an' get all four measures in tha cauldron.

"Alright then. We just finished measuring the crushed snake fangs and added them to the cauldron."

"Ok so now we gotta take the cauldron up ta 250 fer 10 seconds."

Ah see Jacklin turn tha fire up.

"1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. Awright turn it down."

She turns down the heat an uses the potion makin spell wit 'er wand.

"Curious Boilus!"

Ah get a little nervous when Ah see the potion boilin'.

Time Skip

"I see the pink smoke. We did it Toby!"

Ah see tha pink smoke come outta tha cauldron an' Ah feel better an' better about mah first potions test.

"Pour the potion into the vials and clean up."

Ah listen ta Snape an' pick up the vials, fillin' em wit tha cure for boils potion. Ah'm a lil nervous bout what he'll say ta us.

"This is a textbook perfect potion. You and Mr. Kwimper will each receive 5 points for Gryffindor."

Thas it! Ah feel real proud when Snape takes tha vials. Ah notice that Jacklin's pretty happy too. She's lookin' over at me and she's givin' me a real nice smile.

"Class is dismissed."

Ah hear tha bell. We're done wit potions! Ah notice a couple a' kids givin' me funny looks when we walk out of tha potion room. Ah don' think Ah've ever got so much attention jus' from doin' potion work. Ah feel good walkin' out wit Jacklin.

"Let me see now. Defense Against The Dark Arts is our next class. We just need to go to the Transfiguration courtyard. The temporary classroom should be located on the ground floor level."

Ah'm so glad Ah'm with Jacklin. She's the only one who seems to understand where all tha stuff is. She looks at me an' then Ah feel like Ah understand too. Ah don't know how she does it, but Ah follow her.

"I hope the other boys weren't too distracted by my Veela magic."

When Ah hear her say "Veela" Ah remember one a' tha things she told me about what they can do. Ah try to think of her as jus’ normal Jacklin, even though Ah can tell tha boys were distracted an even a little scared by her.

"What did you learn today during our first Potions class, Toby?"

Well, Ah dunno much bout why we gotta use wha' we used. But Ah got a lotta experience in pickin' out non-venomous snakes. Like if ya wanna find a snake who ain't venomous ya don't wanna find no copperheads cause they got venom. Does tha count for somethin'?"

"Why of course that is an important skill to have. Especially when working across the world. I'm not familiar with a copperhead. What type of snake is that?"

Ah repeat everythang Ah know from mah book on snakes.

"It's a type a water moccasin tha looks a little different. They live mainly round the eastern coast a North America an round the Mississippi drainage. They're real common here an' compared ta others they're more likely ta bite if they're all scared. They're medium-sized an venomous, but they don't really kill people that much."

"What other snakes do you have there? We don't have a lot of snakes here in the UK or in Bulgaria where my mother's from."

Ah realize she ain't gonna know a lotta thangs Ah do.

"Oh, Ah'm from Florida, Jacklin. Full a snakes. We got big black ones. We got orange an' yellow ones. Ah even had a python in Pop's yard once, but it was only a lil one. They're not the real bad snakes, but they're not the good ones, either."

"So you know what a Common European Adder is?"

"Common European Adder? Yeah, Ah know ‘em. They’re mean little critters, but they ain't as dangerous as rattlesnakes."

"Just how dangerous are they? Adders are the most dangerous snake native to the UK."

Ah jus know this'll get ugly real quick cause she jus ain't used ta dealin wit nature.

"Yep, but they use tha poison in their bites. It don’t hurt as much as tha venom a dangerous kinda snake's got. Now tha rattlesnake'll kill ya deader-than-thou, but Adders ain’t as deadly. ‘Course, Ah ain’t sayin’ Ah'd wanna get bit."

"I understand why you know so much about snakes now, Toby."

Ah get a real nice feelin’ inside when Ah hear this from Jacklin.

"So how exactly do you know what an Adder looks like?"

"Oh Adders're dark. They got like a kind a "x" on their necks. They look mean, even if they really ain't. That's good, cuz Ah think snakes are real beautiful lookin’. They just don’t want no people hangin’ round when they’re sunnin’ themselves like Ah saw a few do in Florida. Snakes don’t like company."

"I don’t know what I would do if I ever saw a snake in real life."

Ah know if Jacklin's like a lotta girls she'd be screamin but Ah don't wanna tell 'er cause she'd probly get all mad.

"Well, if tha snake jus sees ya an' don't do nothin' ta you, then jus' leave it be. They get angry 'cause they're real scared of being stepped on. Jus back away from it or stand real still. Snakes wanna go where they're goin', but they don't bite less they get scared by somethin’. Ah don’t think Ah’ve ever been scared of a snake before, jus' annoyed by ‘em."

"That’s probably because you were raised in an area full of them."

After a little while, Ah notice that Jacklin has a kinda worried look on her face. Ah wonder what she's thinking so Ah ask her, 'cause that's what Pop always says Ah should do when Ah wonder.

"You okay, Jacklin?"

"They don’t have snakes that are as big as pythons native do they Toby?"

"Yeah Ah think there's a whole lotta big snakes in Florida, like the Burmese pythons. They can get as long as twenty feet. But that's jus a big snake in the wild. There’s also boa constrictors. They get pretty long, too. They got a lot more snakes than just pythons in Florida."

"Those are invasive species why are they in Florida?"

"Ah reckon some people wanna keep 'em as pets, an' then tha pets get out or let go. When they breed wit other snakes it can start a lotta trouble. Like, it could be real bad for tha other kinda snakes if they got mixed wit big python snakes. Ah guess someone shoulda thought a' tha before they tried to have tha big snakes for pets."

Ah see 'er try not ta shudder outta fear cause Ah know this' really freakin 'er out.

"What would you do if you saw something that big?"

Ah think real hard an' Ah can see that Jacklin is expectin' a real good answer from me.

"Ah probably wouldn't do much if Ah saw one in the wild... jus' walk real quiet an keep movin', or Ah'd stand still. Ah don't think Ah'd ever do anythin' tha's real dumb like touchin' it."

"So you can’t just run away from snakes?"

"Well, Ah guess Ah could try to run away. But Ah don't think Ah could get very far if a snake like tha was after me. They can move real fast when they want to. An’ they'll chase ya an’ swallow ya a lot of times. It's best ta leave ‘em alone or stand as still as Ah can an' hope they'll jus' move along."

"They can eat people?!"

Ah think Ah'm startin' ta make Jacklin worried wit all the snake talk.

"Yeah, tha big snakes can eat people. That's why they're always on the news when tha snake hunters catch ‘em. It's real rare for tha snakes ta eat people, though. Ah bet news stations go lookin' for big snakes so they can put ‘em on TV an get big ratin's. When they do, it ain’t real good for the snakes. A lot a' people get scared and they’ll want tha snakes killed."

"I hope you won’t take this wrong when I say I do not plan on visiting the States during our winter holidays."

Ah dunno if Jacklin just made a joke, so Ah try ta sound like Ah have a good sense a humor, even though Ah don't have much a one.

"Ah don’t blame ya. Snakes an alligators don’t make fer very fun winter holidays."

Sayin stuff bout gators jus seems ta scare 'er more.

"Alligators?"

"Yeah. We got gators in Florida, too. Ah think it's jus' cause Florida's a real warm place, so it's a real nice place for snakes an' gators. But they ain’t gonna bother you if you leave ‘em alone."

"How is that not scary to you? You have so many dangerous animals that we don’t even have here in the UK."

'Er eyes're gettin all big an Ah know she's freakin out.

"Well, they ain't dangerous if they ain't mad. They only want food an' a place ta rest. Ah gotta say, they're pretty fun ta see if they ain't botherin' ya. Ah do like ‘em better than snakes. You can see ‘em comin', ‘cause a gator don't slither round like a snake."

"Are there any animals you are afraid of then?"

Ah try to think of somethin', but Ah can't think a' nothin'. If Ah say snakes it'll seem like Ah'm afraid a' them, so Ah can't do tha. Ah gotta think of somethin'.

"Oh, yeah. Ah'm a little afraid of raccoons. They can be real mean if they get mad at ya. Most of ‘em are friendly an’ they leave people alone, but sometimes Ah gotta scare off a mad raccoon when it gets ta thievin' stuff or botherin' our chickens."

"What’s a raccoon?"

Ah oughta make a list a thangs we got in Florida an she's only got here.

"Oh. A raccoon's kinda like a cat, like Ah told ya, except it looks a little like a bear kinda, just real small an' wit a long tail. Ah see a lotta raccoons livin' in the woods. They get in places they ain't supposed ta be, so Ah get mad at ‘em for thievin' stuff an' then tha raccoons’ll get mad at Ah an' then we'll have a little war of words. That's why Ah'm a little afraid a' raccoons."

"At least it can’t eat you like a python can."

"That's right. You can probably out-run a raccoon, too. Just try ta stay away from tha young'uns, an' tha raccoons probably won't bother ya. Don't call ‘em "trash pandas" though. Ah mean, you'll be right ta call ‘em that, but they don’t like it at all. They get real mad."

Somethin bout wha' Ah said caused Jacklin ta raise mah eyebrow an Ah dunno why.

"How would you know that as if you can talk to them like a person?"

"Ah know ‘cause when Ah’m chasin' ‘em away from our chickens, Ah yell “you trash pandas,” an’ they act real mean after Ah say tha. Like Ah said, they're a lot like people. If Ah call 'em, “sweet little trash pandas” they don't get nearly as upset wit me."

"So you can talk to animals?"

"Well, Ah talk to the animals Ah like. Ah talk ta tha froggies an’ tha turtles an’ tha toadies, fer sure. Ain't nothin' really special 'bout talkin' ta animals. Ah think they like hearin' kind words, though. Ah know gators never say much, but they seem ta listen when Ah'm talkin' ta ‘em."

Ah dunno why Jacklin's lookin at me like Ah'm a dummy.

"Nothing special? Talking to animals is a rare skill for wizards to have. It can’t be taught."

"Really? Ah wasn't aware of tha'. How come tha's rare?"

"Wizards have to be born with that type of ability."

"Oh… well, then Ah reckon Ah'm special."

Time Skip

"Did you hear that Toby?"

Ah hear this weird hissin noise.

"Yeah Ah heard sumthin'. It sounded like a snake."

Ah listen real hard an' look around. Ah don’t see anythin’, but Ah hear the snakes hiss again.

"It sounds like it's comin' from 'em bushes over there."

Ah think tha snake is goin' ta try ta scare us by hiss'n again.

"Do you think you can try talking to it as we walk by Toby?"

"Ah can try. Ah can try talkin' real nice an' explainin' tha we ain't interested in startin' nothin' with tha snake. We just wanna get on by."

Ah see this big snake coiled up in tha bushes an' Ah start talkin' to it soft. Ah keep walkin' while Ah’m talkin', an’ Ah try ta sound as non-threatening as Ah can. Ah also try ta keep movin’.

"Here, Mr. Snake. Hey, here, here. We jus' wanna go on through tha door, tha one behind ya. We wanna keep movin' an' we don't wanna fight ya. Can we jus' move on, Mr. Snake?"

Ah don’t see any signs tha the snake's movin'. Ah keep talkin’.

"Mr. Snake, we don’t wanna be late fer class. We gotta be in class in ten minutes. Please move fer us."

Ah see tha the snake is moving away from us. Ah keep up tha friendly talk as Ah keep movin’.

"Thank ya, Mr. Snake. Ah ain’t tryin’ to upset ya. You've been a real nice snake, an’ Ah think it's great tha ya got a nice cozy place ta relax an' keep warm, an' Ah hope ya have a good day, Mr. Snake. We gotta go now."

Ah hear the snake hissin an look back. Ah guess tha’s a kind a snake wave. Ah turn back ta the door an’ keep movin’ toward tha door. Ah notice tha tha snake ain’t in tha bushes no more, Ah think it moved off somewhere else. Ah smile 'cause Ah’m proud that Ah handled tha snake situation so good.

"Toby you spoke Parseltongue just now."

"What're ya talkin' bout? Me speakin' ta tha snakes?"

"Yes. You thought you were speaking English, but it just sounded like hissing sounds to me."

Ah stop dead in mah tracks. Ah stare at Jacklin like she's lost her mind.

"Ya mean tha’s really what Ah sound like?"

"That’s what it sounded like to me."

Ah'm stunned an' Ah can't think a anythang ta say.

"Tha's just... tha's... tha's... tha's... Ah don't know what ta say, actually. Ah got nothin' ta say ta that."

"We can talk about it later then. Right now we need to get to class on time."

Ah realize tha Jacklin’s right. Ah can't discuss this now no matter how much Ah wanna know tha answer. Ah pick back up on the walkin' as Jacklin an Ah make our way down tha path ta the DADA class.

Time Skip

"There's Professor Quirrell the new professor for this class."

We're right on time an Ah'm happy bout it.

"Than-thank you for be-being on time. Th-that's a p-p-point for ea-each of you."

Ah smile as we go an sit down.

"Than-thank you all for ma-making it. My na-name is Prof-professor Quir-Quirrell."

Ah try ta focus on tha professor but Ah can’t stop thinkin' 'bout tha snake talk. Ah look at Jacklin real quick ta see if she’s actin’ any diff'rent. Ah try ta read her face but Ah dunno if it's good Ah can’t read 'er face like Ah can a "regular person’s."

"Now to-today we're go-going to be ta-talking about Imps."

Ah know tha Ah should be payin' attention to tha lesson but Ah just can’t stop thinkin' about this thing with tha snakes. Ah just sit there lookin' at his weird scarf hat.

"M-make sure to-to copy th-this in your n-notes."

Ah start ta take some notes as Professor Quirrell stutters through tha assignment. By now Ah been so used ta it that Ah can understand him perfectly fine, even when he stutters.

"For ho-homework, please wr-write a short essay about the-the Knock-knockback Jinx. You ha-have until next we-week to fi-finish it.."

Ah’m not happy ‘bout the homework assignment. Ah know tha Professor Quirrell thinks it’s easy, but Ah can be a little slow sometimes. Ah can get stuck on one thing fer like... forever.

"Toby I was just about to ask if you wanted to start working on our essay during our free period after we get back to Gryffindor Tower."

Ah look up an see Jacklin in front a me.

"Well, Ah’d be happy ta meetcha in tha common room 'cause Ah don’t wanna waste no time. Besides, it'd be good to get the homework over an’ done wit."

"That sounds great Toby."

Ah smile 'cause Ah feel tha Jacklin's bein' real nice an' patient with me today. Ah ain't used ta people bein' all that nice ta me.

"Thanks Jacklin."

Ah keep walkin' an' Ah feel the stairs underneath me movin'.

"Be careful, Toby."

"Ah ain’t afraid o' tha stairs. It don’t even feel like Ah’m movin' much when tha stairs move anyway."

Ah feel tha sudden movement under mah feet when one a tha steps disappears. Ah almost lose mah balance, but Ah manage ta get back ta stable footin an' Ah ain’t at all bothered by tha missin step.

"See? It ain't no big deal, Ah tol ya Ah don’t mind the stairs movin’."

"Now if only we can say that going down the stairs."

Ah smile at Jacklin an' think it was a little joke Ah can laugh at. But Ah'm ready ta get tha homework done so Ah keep followin' Jacklin.

"Do you remember the password Toby?"

Ah think it's "Alohomora."

Ah smile real big when it opens an' go through tha door. Ah look fer Jacklin an’ see tha she's comin' in too. Ah just hope tha tha homework ain't too hard.

"Are you alright, Toby? You look out of breath."

Ah start ta take deep breaths cause Ah ain't used ta all 'em stairs yet.

"Yeah... Ah'm fine..."

Ah catch mah breath an start ta have a weird vision bout a floatin feather. It jus came an went real quick so Ah don't mind it.

Time Skip

Ah'm lookin at tha page with tha Knockback Jinx but Ah'm still stuck on it. Ah look over at Jacklin who's readin' tha DADA assignment like it's jus' normal speakin', but Ah know Ah'm not understandin' tha stuff even a bit.

"Do ya, do ya understand that Knockback Jinx stuff, Jacklin?"

"Yes. When you say the word "flipendo" and do the right wand movement, you can force your opponent to fly backwards away from you."

Ah'm thinkin' all this stuff Ah'm readin' looks like a bunch o' gobbledygook.

"Oh... Ah see. So, it's jus' one word an' then you gotta wave tha wand like this."

Ah make a wild, flickin' motion with mah wand.

"No Toby. It looks more like this."

Ah follow Jacklin's instructions with mah wand movin' down... up... then makin' tha U at tha end of tha movement.

"So, jus' say tha word an' do tha wand movement. Then they'll go flyin' away?"

"Yes it's an important spell to use when you're in a duel."

Ah feel like a total coward. A dark wizard might wanna duel an Ah might not even be able ta say tha word "flipendo" an Ah might be a total sittin duck.

"So, uh... if Ah was in tha middle of a duel wit a dark wizard an' Ah froze up, would that be a real problem?"

"Yes. You could end up getting killed."

Ah feel completely lost like Ah could puke. But Ah keep lookin at Jacklin tryin' ta hide how scared Ah am. Ah don't wanna be a total chicken in front of 'er, so Ah try ta keep myself together.

"So, uh... Jacklin, what's next with tha homework?"

"Now that we know what the Knockback Jinx does, we just need to explain why it can be used against Imps."

Ah think fer a second then say somethin tha sounds smart even if Ah'm guessin' a few words.

"Well, if ya think bout it, an imp's really small an' light like a rat. If Ah ever seen an Imp an Ah hit it wit a Flipendo... Ah mean tha Knockback spell Ah mean... well, it's like a real giant kickin' a real small creature. So, that'll knock tha Imp back an outta tha fight."

"That's right, Toby. Imps can't fly so we can use that to get them to fall into a hole or a cage."

Ah look at Jacklin an’ Ah'm amazed tha Ah'm sayin' tha things Ah'm sayin' an' knowin' bout stuff and even impressin' her. But Ah try ta keep tha positive feelings goin'.

"Oh yeah, tha'll work. Thanks fer lettin' me learn longside ya."

Ah look at Jacklin an' notice we both got it finished wit all tha homework done on it.

"Well, how're we gonna show tha professor that we learned it?"

"Next week we would turn in our scrolls and see if he asks us to do the spell."

Ah look over at 'er an Ah feel tha heat on mah face an hear tha poundin' in mah chest.

"Well it's almost time for lunch. I'm going upstairs to feed Tiger. How often do you need to feed Trevor?"

"Oh... 'bout once a day. But Trevor does like ta stay fed an Ah've been feedin' Trevor a couple times a day now, jus' so he's always full."

"Well, I'm sure your frog would love to see you for a few minutes before lunch."

Ah jump up outta tha chair up ta tha dorm an visit Trevor. Ah got some food an' Ah wanna check tha temperature an' make sure everythang's alright fer him.

"Hey there, Trevor. Ya doin' awright in here? Ain't too hot in here?"

Ah see Trevor startin' ta move round the corner ta me an Ah feel really happy tha Trevor responded.

"So, ya wantin' lunch? Is tha it?"

Ah smile when Ah see his tongue an' Ah realize tha's the best answer. Ah scoop up a few pieces a mealworm an Ah put it in the little area where Trevor is. Trevor jumps outta tha water ta grab the worm an Ah get tha feeling he's enjoyin' tha food.

"There ya go, Trevor. Tha oughta hold ya for a little bit."

Ah smile when Ah see his froggie eyes an' Ah feel like Ah did tha right thang by talkin' ta him. Ah notice tha it's time ta leave, so Ah turn tha light off an' Ah close tha lid of tha tank.

"Bye buddy. Ah'll be seein ya later."

Time Skip

Jacklin an Ah're walkin down the stairs wit our arms looped. Ah dunno why but it sure does help feel like we're friends.

"So uh... how ya likin Hogwarts so far?"

"Oh I love it. My father told me so many stories about his time at Hogwarts, and it's still so incredible to be here as a first year. The only thing I'm concerned about is my Veela magic. You haven't noticed any of the boys being affected by it, have you Toby?"

Ah don't want her ta feel awkward so Ah try findin a different answer.

"Uh… not really, no. It's like they're just happy ta see you. Sure don't wanna do anythin dangerous ta impress ya."

"That sounds good. My mother told me that it's common for the boys to feel the need to look at me."

Ah see tha boys round us as we walk. They're lookin at our linked arms an Ah know they're jus' wonderin' if a romance is startin'. But Ah know tha it ain't, cause Ah understand wha's goin' on. Ah'm too smart ta be fallin fer some girl Ah jus met.

"But that's just a... tha "charm" thang yer people got goin' on. It's jus' some kinda spell tha makes it so tha boys like you, tha's all."

Ah give Jacklin a lil smile as we approach tha door ta tha Great Hall.

"I wouldn't call it a spell. A spell would mean that it can be taught and Veela magic can't be taught like regular magic."

Ah stop an' look up at her before we go through tha doorway.

"So it ain't a spell then. But, uh... it's still somethin' tha ya do a lil naturally an', uh... Ah don't really know how ta put it. Ya gotta have some kinda magic goin fer ya if ya look like one a 'em chubby naked angel babies.

She looks real confused by wha Ah said an ta me it's better than feelin like Ah said somethin mean.

"A what?"

"Ya know in 'em paintin's. Ah think they're cherubs but Ah call 'em chubby naked angel babies cause they look like 'em."

"And how on earth do you think I look like one?"

Ah dunno if she's mad or jus confused so Ah think Ah gotta be honest bout it.

"Ya got one a 'em soft chubby faces. Specially in yer cheeks. Ain't like it can't be pretty but it ain't like yer so perfect like ya say Veela can be."

She starts ta laugh an Ah feel better now cause Ah woulda thought a girl'd be sayin Ah'm a dummy fer callin her chubby.

"Now I know for sure I can trust everything you say Toby."

"Why's that cause Ah'm jus tryna be honest?"

"I can trust you because I know no other boy would ever be able to say something like that. They would only talk about how pretty I look because of my magic."

Ah'm startin' ta understand a little better how all tha Veela magic works.

"Well whatever works fer ya."

Ah still feel awkward talkin' bout it, so Ah switch the subject.

"So what'd we get assigned next after lunch?"

We go over ta tha lunch table where Ah see tha other Gryffindors sittin' down. Ah give tha Gryffindors a little wave ta let them know Ah'm comin' ta sit by 'em.

"After lunch we only have Magical Theory today. Once we finish that class, we have a free period all the way until dinner. I can go over our full schedule later today if you want me to, Toby."

"Ok. Tha sounds nice. Ah don't know what tha Magical Theory's gonna be like tho. Ah hope it ain't as hard as DADA homework."

"I think a lot of it is reading and note taking. As long as you pay attention and read the book, you should get an O in that class."

Ah start to feel a little bit better now. Ah feel like tha day is turnin' out right after all. Ah smile an' Ah listen ta Jacklin.

"Tha sounds like an easy class ta get tha O."

Ah'm tryna figure out wha' ta eat fer lunch an look round the table.

"Could ya do me a favor, Jacklin?"

"What is it, Toby?"

"Ah was wonderin' if ya could grab me a bowl a tha chicken noodle soup. It's all the way down by ya an Ah can't reach it."

Ah know it sounds a lil foolish since Ah ain't sick or nothin', but it looks good ta me.

"Oh. Of course I can."

She gives it ta me an Ah notice 'er eatin a weird lookin sandwich.

"Whacha eatin?"

"Oh this is a cucumber sandwich."

Ah raise mah eyebrow at 'er.

"I... gather you don't eat these in the States do you. No matter. This is meant to be a light snack usually eaten during the afternoon. I'm so used to eating them for afternoon tea that I suppose it was out of habit."

"Oh Ah weren't judgin ya Jacklin. Ah jus ain't seen a cucumber sandwich. How's it suppose ta fill ya?"

Ah see she's lookin a lil better an Ah think it's cause she knows Ah ain't thinkin she's weird.

"It doesn't. Since it's meant to be a tea sandwich, it's only a snack meant to hold you over until supper. I'm sure not everyone does this anymore since we're no longer in the 1800s."

"Well if yer one a 'em wizard princesses Ah guess it makes sense ya still do thangs old people do."

She smiles a lil an Ah'm happy Ah ain't made 'er mad.

"Well this really turned out ta be tha perfect lunch fer me. Ya wanna know why?"

"Why is that, Toby?"

"Cause a tha chicken noodle soup ya got me."

Ah raise tha spoon and take another sip of tha soup. Ah let tha spoon down an' look at Jacklin.

"Why, Ah woulda been too stubborn ta try an' eat it until tha end a the day if ya hadn't give it ta me. But a got a little soup in me, an' now it's actually startin' ta taste good. Plus Ah ain't melted yet so maybe tha's how yer Veela magic's treatin me so thank ya."

Ah see 'er smilin an Ah realize tha first day a school ain't turnin' out half bad after all. So Ah try ta say somethin' ta make a joke.

"Guess what, Jacklin?"

"What, Toby?"

"Chicken butt!"

"What?"

Ah hear the confusion in 'er voice an' Ah look up at 'er again. Ah give her a lil laugh.

"Ya know... chicken... chicken butt. Nothin'.

Ah go back to eatin' tha soup. Ah realize tha Jacklin keeps lookin' at me like Ah'm a lil crazy from tha joke.

"Ain't it a joke 'round here?"

"I don't believe it is."

Ah feel bad 'bout tha joke now. So Ah think bout the next thing tha Ah want ta ask Jacklin.

"Well... Ah was wonderin'... could ya do me another favor, Jacklin?"

"What is it?"

"How do ya send people letters here? Ah wanna write mah Pop an tell 'em Ah'm doin good."

Ah see 'er eyes light up.

"Oh! We can go to the Owlery. There's plenty of owls that can send your letter."

"So ya can show me how ta get there?"

"Of course, Toby. We can write our letters after Magical Theory."

Ah'm glad Jacklin's game fer tha idea a writin' letters together. Ah smile at 'er again an' Ah get back ta eatin' soup.

"Thank ya, Jacklin."

Ah take a lil sip a soup while watchin' Jacklin eat as tha two of us sit together at tha Gryffdor lunch table.

Time Skip

"Lunch is over. We need to find Class 67 for Magical Theory."

"Ok. Ah got mah backpack an Ah'm ready."

Ah finish up tha last of tha soup an stand up.

"Do ya wanna go first, Jacklin? Ah dunno where tha Magical Theory room is an' Ah don't wanna get us both lost."

"I think my father said it was on the 4th floor in the Astronomy Tower."

Ah give Jacklin another nod before Ah start followin' her up tha stairs ta tha Astronomy Tower for tha Magical Theory class.

"The stairs are moving again Toby."

Ah look up tha stairs, but Ah still keep walkin' wit Jacklin up them. Ah kinda try ta ignore tha fact tha stairs are movin' in tha way they are, but Ah wonder why they have tha stairs movin' like that.

"Well, Ah don't like tha stairs, but Ah like tha walkin' wit ya."

"All we have to do now is go up the stairs to the 4th floor."

Ah follow Jacklin up tha stairs to tha 4th floor an' Ah notice tha doors to tha Magical Theory class. Ah see a sign on tha door tha says: "Magical Theory" an Ah follow Jacklin through 'em into tha class.

"I wonder if our first lesson will be on Adalbert Waffling."

Ah look at her curious. Ah don't know nothin' bout Adalbert Wafflin. So Ah ask tha question tha way Ah always ask 'em.

"Who's Adalbert Wafflin?"

"Adalbert Waffling was a famous wizard who created the idea of magical theory. It’s because of him that we even have this class."

"Oh. Is tha why it's called "Magical Theory" Jacklin?"

"Yes. This class talks about how magic is created and who can use it."

Ah nod my head, but Ah don't really understand all tha much about it.

"Ah guess Ah'll find out bout all this magical stuff, huh?"

"Of course. It’s important to understand this topic if you want to learn how to use spells and make potions."

"Well, hopefully Ah can learn ta take care of mah self with tha spells an' potions, but Ah gotta tell ya tha Ah don't really plan on usin' tha spells too often. Ah mean no harm ta anybody, Jacklin, so Ah really don't want ta be usin' any spells tha do 'em harm. Does tha make any sense?"

"Yes Toby."

Ah take up a seat just as tha teacher steps up in front of tha class and Ah can feel Jacklin sittin' right beside me. Jacklin startin ta write. Ah see her writin' an' Ah can see she's writin' pretty fast. Ah try ta write mah own notes tha' best Ah can.

Time Skip

The bell goes off an we start ta leave.

"Can you believe it, Toby? We just finished our first day of classes and can do whatever we want until dinner."

Ah nod mah head an' Ah close mah books.

"You know, Jacklin, Ah'm really startin' ta like tha idea a writin' that letter ta Pop, but Ah'm not so sure what Ah'm gonna say."

"We can write our letters in the common room and go to the Owlery in the West Tower together. I can show you how to give your letter to the owl."

Ah get this big ol' smile on mah face. Ah didn’t know Jacklin was tha kinda gal tha liked ta do somethin' like tha.

"That’d be great."

Ah look at Jacklin then see tha Slytherins comin' up behind her. Ah realize she may not see 'em. So Ah tap her on tha shoulder an warn her bout tha Slytherins.

"Hey Jacklin, be careful. There're some Slytherins comin' up behind ya."

"Oh. I see. That's Draco Malfoy, Toby."

Ah can see Malfoy look like he'd like ta punch me, but Ah ignore tha look an' Ah try ta be friendly wit tha other Gryffindors and tha Slytherins alike.

"Oh, uh, howdy there Malfoy."

Ah extend mah hand ta shake his.

"Well what do you know? He actually has manners."

Ah'm glad tha Malfoy accepted ma hand an' Ah shake it, while lookin' over at Jacklin. Ah try ta speak in a way tha won’t be too dumb.

"Yeah, Ah figured Ah'd come over and say howdy ta all, uh, tha folks in tha other houses too, 'cause Ah mean no harm ta none a 'em."

"I see the Veela's sullying the Gryffindor name and all pure-bloods everywhere as usual. Can't even go five minutes without hypnotizing some poor boy that comes your way."

Ah notice he jus ignored me like he was talkin ta jus Jacklin.

"Godric Gryffindor wanted children of all magical backgrounds to study magic. I’m carrying on the traditions and values of the Gryffindor family just fine. Just because you developed a tolerance after all these years doesn’t mean others are completely helpless Draco."

They go inta this back an forth while Ah'm jus standin there.

"Well, uh, that's exactly what Ah was just thinkin' about. Ya know... how everybody should have an equal shot ta get ahead round here, 'cause Ah think all the kids at Hogwarts should do good, regardless of what house tha belong to. Ah mean... Ah can understand how a person can get inta a house jus' by bein strong or the brains they got, but what really matters' how good a person is. Ah mean... Ah really hope all the folks in tha Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin families could all be good friends."

Malfoy turns ta leave. His friends are still starina at me. He yells fer them.

"Crabbe! Goyle! Let’s go!"

"Ah was jus' tryin' ta say "howdy" is all. It's really hard not ta get nervous around some of tha Slytherins, but Ah really wanna make friends wit 'em. Jacklin, Ah gotta know... Do ya think it's possible ta get tha people at Hogwarts ta like ya more, despite ya bein' a, uh, a Veela?"

She looks a lil sad after talkin ta Malfoy.

"I can never know for sure Toby. Draco is able to resist it because we practically grew up together."

"Well, uh, thanks fer tha explanation. Anyway, Ah'd like ta spend more time wit folks like ya, who ain't gonna look at me funny or treat me like a loser. Ah mean, Ah know ya said tha Slytherins got all these ideas bout how we oughta be, but Ah wanna try ta get ta know some people, even if it means tha Slytherins'll hate me forever."

Ah just laugh at tha idea tha Slytherins would hate me. Ah wonder ta mahself if tha's really true.

"A lot of Slytherins are half blooded or human born just like the other Houses. It’s just that except for the Gryffindor family all of the powerful pure-blooded wizards went to Slytherin and believe children like you shouldn’t be allowed to learn magic. Even if you were pure-blooded like me, you were raised as a human."

"Really? Ah didn’t know tha, Jacklin."

Maybe Ah don’t know as much ‘bout Hogwarts as Jacklin do, but Ah’m pretty glad she’s takin' tha time ta explain tha history of tha Houses ta me while we walk together. Ah think that’s mighty kind a 'er.

"I’m not sure if I can go to the Owlery right away, Toby."

"Oh, okay. Ya mean, we won't be goin' ta tha Owlery today at all?"

"No no. We can still go today. Just not as soon as I originally planned."

"Oh? Why's tha?"

"I have a longer letter to write than I thought."

Ah nod Ah see. Ah feel it'd be best not to ask too many questions, so Ah just follow Jacklin along da path, takin' advantage of the time Ah'm with her to ask a couple things here 'n there bout 'er personal life.

"So, you gonna write a longer letter ta ya folks?"

"That’s right. I’m sure you have a lot to write to your father too."

"Oh, yeah, Ah figure Ah got a lot ta say ta Pop. They been waitin' a long, long time to hear what Ah got ta say. So Ah guess Ah'll be writein' a pretty long letter too."

Ah smile at Jacklin an Ah can't help but wonder what it is she has ta say ta her father in tha letter she's writin'.

"I’m going to my room to write it. How long do you think it will take to finish your letter, Toby?"

Ah think for a quick second 'fore Ah answer.

"Well, it usually takes me most of tha day ta write a letter tha long, but Ah could probably get it done sooner if Ah work real hard. So Ah figure it'll probably take me most of tha day. Why'd ya ask, Jacklin?"

"I want to make sure we can go to the Owlery together without having to wait for the other to finish. We should be able to finish our letters at the same time."

Ah nod at Jacklin an' Ah give her a big ol' smile.

"That's a good idea, Jacklin. Ah can work hard at writin' mah letter faster if tha's whatcha wanna do. Ah'm sure Ah could get mah letter done pretty soon if Ah just work hard at it."

"In that case I’ll meet you down here when we’re finished."

Ah turn ta walk off ta start writin' the letter but Ah stop just fer a quick moment cause Ah know Ah shoulda asked what she was sayin' on tha letter she was writin'. Ah turn back around.

"Hey, uh, Jacklin, jus' wanna ask... whatcha writin' yer folks 'bout anyway? Is it important?"

"Yes there’s a lot of important information I need to tell them."

Ah think bout it for a moment, but Ah know it don't do no good ta pry. Plus, Ah'm jus' too grateful ta be spendin' some time wit Jacklin. So Ah figure Ah'll jus' let it be.

"Ok see ya when we're done."

Ah go up ta mah room an sit on mah bed. Trevor ribbits when he sees me.

"Hi buddy. Ah'm gonna write Pop a letter."

He ribbits in a way tha' tells me he's ok wit it.

"Ok. How do Ah start mah letter?"

Ah try writin thangs tha'll make sense ta Pop.

"Dear Pop, Ah hope this letter finds y'all doin’ okay. Ah’m doin’ real good mahself. Ah jus got ta school las night, an Ah ain’t bein’ picked on yet, which Ah’m real glad about. Ah been takin’ tha subjects they teach here, 'cause all Ah want's ta learn as much as Ah can 'bout tha world an how it works, an so far people say Ah'm doin’ okay with tha spellin' an' stuff. Trevor's doin good too an ain't gotten in trouble wit the other froggies an toadies here."

Ah think Ah'm doin real good by mahself.

"As far as school goes, Ah gotta tell ya that it's like gettin' two schools in one wit how the four families got split up. Ah got sorted inta Griphindor, along wit some of tha really cool people who awready took me under their wings. Ah thought tha teacher who sorted us wanted us ta get ta know each other, 'cause tha more ya know more yer prepared fer tha surprise thangs life throws at ya. Oh, an Ah met this one girl."

Ah realize Ah dunno how ta spell 'er name.

"Her name is... J-A-C-K-L-I-N. An she tol me she's a... uh, V-E-L-A. So some folks keep sayin' she's gonna control me with her womanly ways. Ah ain't too worried 'bout it really, 'cause Ah think she's gonna be more' like a big sister ta me, 'cause when Ah think about it, she sorta reminds me a little bit of tha older sister Ah never had. It ain't like she's awready a woman cause she's only 11 like me an' got one a 'em chubby baby faces some girls got. Ah figure it's jus gonna be good ol' fashioned friendship."

Ah smile an' Ah write tha question down. Ah realize tha's pretty important if Ah wanna know wha the folks think about havin' a Veela at Hogwarts.

"How do ya think folks’ll feel if Ah tell 'em Ah met a Vela girl? Think tha teacher might've known what she was doin' when she sorted us in tha same house? Hope Ah ain't lettin' tha family down cause it turns out we're suppose ta be enemies."

Ah sit fer a moment tryin' ta figure out what else Ah wanna say 'bout Hogwarts. Ah get an idea an' Ah know this is gonna be a little embarrassin ta write, but it's important 'bout how tha folks think of me.

"Okay... so there's one thing more Ah should write 'bout tha girl Ah meet at Hogwarts. Ah ain't exactly bein' treated like tha boy Ah used to be back in Florda. Jacklin well she keeps touchin' me. Ah ain't mad bout it, but Ah dunno if it's somethin only Vela girls do or people're right bout 'er. She ain't been mean ta me none but she jus thinks we gotta be holdin arms when we're goin down the floatin stairs. Kinda weird ta me, Pop."

Ah read tha letter over to mahself an Ah’m pretty satisfied it says everythang Ah wanna say.

"So that's pretty much it fer this letter anyways. Ah'll write ya somethin' later, an' Ah love ya an Ah hope tha folks are takin' care of 'emselves. Say hi ta everyone back home."

Ah sign tha letter, and Ah fold an' seal it up and Ah get ready ta take it down ta tha Owlery as soon as Jacklin finishes her letter. An' Ah hope that'll be very soon.

"Hey, Trevor. Is it okay wit ya if Ah take tha letter an’ head down ta tha Owlery now? If I don't hurry up, Ah might get in trouble for comin' back too late.

Trevor jus' blinks at me a few times. Ah figure tha's as close ta a "Yes" as Ah'm gonna see from mah froggie. Ah take tha letter an' Ah head out ta tha hallway.

"Oh, hey, Jacklin. How's it goin'? Ah figured Ah'd take a trip ta tha Owlery so Ah could mail tha letter off ta Pop like Ah said Ah would. Ya ready fer tha trip yet?"

"Oh yes. I finished my letter."

"That's great! All that writin' must be wearin' ya out. Ya sure ya don't wanna take a rest first?"

"I sat long enough writing the letter so I’m fine, Toby."

Ah nod at Jacklin.

"Fair nough. Well, Ah guess Ah'll just head on down then, so ya won't have ta rush. Ah'm gonna run it down ta the Owlery right quick so Ah don't get in any sorta trouble."

"It’s only 3:00 pm. We have a few more hours before dinner."

"Oh, yeah. So Ah member ya was talkin bout tha West Tower. Do ya really have tha Owlery up there? Ah mean... ain't tha too high up fer tha owls? Ain't they bein' bothered by tha wind or anythin' like that?"

"The owls need the wind and height so they can be able to fly. They can just glide on it and save energy."

We start walkin ta the West Tower an Ah didn't realize it's gonna be real far.

"Ah ain't thought a it that way. So, there ain't no problems wit tha owls not bein' able ta read what people write?"

They’re trained to understand directions so long as you tell them where to go. My family has their own owl so I can simply say “Gryffindor Manor” and Arthur would be on his way.

We get ta the door an Ah'm a lil outta breath.

"I know that this is different than what humans do so be careful trying to find an owl."

Ah nod as Ah start ta worry a lil bit cause Ah got no experience tryin' ta find an owl.

"So Ah jus' gotta look round for tha right one? How'll Ah know tha right one?"

"It depends on where you live. The Gryffindor Manor is in Godric's Hollow, which is in Cornwall, England. Since we're all the way north in the Highlands of Scotland, Arthur was bought because he's Eagle Owl."

"How's Ah gonna know if tha right one's a Eagle Owl or some other kinda owl?"

"You can use one of the school's Eagle Owls, Toby. As long as you tell them your address, it should be able to make it to your house."

Ah look at Jacklin wit real excitement 'cause Ah had no idea Ah could do tha. Ah had no idea there's an easy way ta get this done.

"Well, Ah guess Ah better be startin' already. Hope one a these owls can make tha trip."

Ah start lookin around tha Owlery fer a owl ta talk ta. Ah figure it’s gotta be one tha's awake. Ah find a owl an' Ah walk over ta it. Ah notice it's jus' sittin' on tha perch. It looks real cute and Ah feel like it's the right one. Ah approach tha owl slowly an Ah kneel down in front a it. Then Ah member tha instructions Jacklin gave me an Ah decide to give it a try.

"Heeeey, buddy."

Ah give tha owl tha ol' head rub while Ah speak ta it.

"Wha's yer name, fella?"

Ah wait in eager anticipation, but tha owl don’t respond. Ah try ta give tha owl a pat, so Ah’ll know for sure tha he’s gettin' attention.

"Tha's okay. Ah’m sure yer a good owl in any case."

Ah smile as Ah finally hear from tha owl. Ah decide ta try one more time as Ah speak ta it again.

"That's a pretty neat name, Buckbeak. Ah reckon Ah could call ya Buck for short. Ya think Ah could be use your help?"

Ah watch as Buckbeak looks at me an’ Ah'm not sure tha he's gonna say anything.

"Hooo-oot."

Ah get excited once Ah get tha impression tha Buckbeak's agreed ta carry tha letter. Ah find tha letter Ah wrote an Ah hold it out fer Buckbeak ta pick up wit his beak.

"Buck? Ya wanna take this letter for me?"

Buckbeak looks at me all confused.

"Right. Sorry. So Ah'd like tha letter ta go 59A, S. Road, Croom, County Limerick, Ireland.

Ah look over at Buckbeak to see if he's startin' ta get it or not.

"Hooo-ooot."

Ah look down an smile at Buckbeak. Ah hold tha letter up fer him ta pick up wit his beak. As Buckbeak picks up tha letter, Ah feel a real sense a relief, but tha next concern Ah have is whether Ah’ll ever see Buckbeak again. Ah mean… Ah kinda like tha fella now.

"So that’s all Ah needed ta do?"

Ah coulda swore he nodded at me as he gets up. Ah decide ta wait an watch Buckbeak make his way out tha window. Ah watch Buckbeak slowly get smaller in tha distance an’ then Ah see him disappear.

"Take this to Gryffindor Manor please, Arthur."

Ah nod an' Ah smile again at Jacklin as Arthur starts flyin away.

"Thanks fer tha help, Jacklin. Do ya know when Ah'd be gettin a letter back."

"I think you should be able to get a reply by Friday since you live in the Southern Mid-West of Ireland."

"Ah can’t wait ta hear from Pop. Ah'm gonna tell ‘em bout Buckbeak when they write back."

We leave the Owlery an go back ta our Tower.

"Do you need a break to catch your breath Toby?"

Ah nod my head an’ Ah try ta catch my breath. Ah feel like Ah’ve been runnin all day just ta get tha letter delivered.

"One times one is one… two times one is two…"

Ah look up at Jacklin.

"Ah… Ah feel a little nervous… Ah need ta go lay down… Ah think it’s gonna help."

"I understand, Toby. It’s only our first day of school and we have about two hours before we need to go for dinner."

Ah head fer tha dorm room.

"Ah jus' need ta spend a little time by mahself... jus' quiet time... Ah can start feelin a little normal again."

"Croak."

Ah look over at Trevor as he ribbits. Ah try to calm myself down by lookin' at him. Ah smile at him.

"Ah appreciate it, Trevor. It was a nice ribbit.

Ah lay back down an look back at tha ceilin. Ah close mah eyes ta try ta force mah muscles ta relax.

"Zzzz."

Ah find mahself wanderin' in a field. Ah got tha feeling that Ah know tha way back to tha homestead, but as Ah look around, Ah notice tha field don't look the same. It seems tha grass has been overgrown and tha sky is much darker than normal. Then Ah hear a rustle from tha trees behind me and Ah look behind, Ah notice a dark shadow stalkin me.

"Who's there?"

Ah quickly back away from tha shape. Ah know Ah shouldn't be here an Ah don't understand how Ah got here, but Ah still need ta get out of here quick. Ah make tha shape out a little more and see tha figure standin' there in tha darkness wit its arms behind its back… lookin' like it's watchin’ me.

"Nyakoĭ ni nablyudava."

Ah feel kinda funny. Ah can't understand anythang an Ah realize Ah don't got many choices. Ah step forward ta tha shape, not sure if Ah’m makin’ a mistake or not.

"Zdraveĭte."

Ah'm caught a little of guard by how beautiful tha figure is. Ah step backward, but tha Veela keeps comin' forward. Ah notice tha Veela is still talkin' to me even though Ah still can't understand tha words.

"Do not be scared of me little boy."

Ah smile when tha Veela speaks ta me in English. Ah'm a lil scared, but Ah feel comfortable round tha Veela now tha Ah can understand tha words she's sayin'.

"I am friend with Jacklin's mother."

Ah listen well, cuz Ah'm really feelin' lost here in tha dream. Ah notice one thing Ah feel comfortable wit tha Veela. Ah think maybe she kinda likes me too. Maybe Ah'm just lonely, but it seems like tha Veela cares about me. Ah smile ah bit at her. She smiles back.

"What you normally dream of?"

"Usually Ah dream of livin' wit Pop. Ah don't dream much, but Ah guess if Ah do dream, it's usually just a lil more comfortable place than everywhere else."

"Why dream of open grass?"

Ah think about tha question for a little bit. Ah see that tha Veela look like she wants me ta answer, an' Ah don't wanna let her down.

"So Ah wouldn't have to worry bout anythin' in tha field. It's jus comfortable, ya know."

Ah get a feeling there's somethin else Ah could say, but Ah figure tha's fine for now.

"I have no need for dream. No energy to fuel powers here."

Is it okay if Ah ask a question before ya go?

She nods.

"What's yer name?"

Ah ask tha question even though Ah feel kinda funny askin'. Ah think she's been so nice ta me Ah wanna know her name.

"Sonia. You tell Jacklin I visit you."

Ah smile back.

"Sonia... tha name suits ya. Ah’ll be sure ta tell Jacklin. Will Ah ever see ya again?"

"Visit Bulgaria. I live in Veela village."

"Bulgaria? Tha's a long way away but Ah'll visit ya if Ah can."

Ah see tha Veela is startin to fade away. Ah don't want her ta leave, but Ah also don't want ta hold her up.

"Well, Sonia, it was real nice meetin' ya."

"Ding dong."

Ah slowly raise mah head and look around ta see if anyone else's up. Ah check tha time and notice the bell just tolled. Ah know dinner's gonna be soon. Ah get up an stretch out. Ah can't wait ta eat somethin.

"Awright, Ah'm gonna go, Trevor. Ah'll be back later when Ah get a chance. Go on an eat yer worm like a good froggie."

Ah walk out the door an Ah notice tha castle's real quiet. Ah walk down tha hall and Ah'm in tha mood for somethin to eat, so Ah make mah way towards tha Great Hall.

"How was your nap, Toby?"

"It was good. Ah jus' needed a chance ta rest. Ah'm feelin' better an' tha dream was real nice. Ah can still see tha Veela in my mind. She's pretty. She was nice ta me. Ah even asked her her name. It's Sonia. She said ta tell ya hi."

"Sonia is my mother’s friend from Bulgaria. She has the powers of a succubus."

Ah pause for a second when Ah hear tha word succubus.

"What’s a succubus?"

"They’re magical women who feed off of men’s dreams. You're 11 years old and wouldn’t have the right dreams to feed her."

Ah feel confused when tha word “feed” is thrown in there. Ah don't really understand how dat works.

"So... they feed off men's dreams?"

"Well they feed on what comes from those dreams."

She turns a lil pink an Ah dunno wha' she means.

"What comes from those dreams?"

Ah start ta blush an' Ah look away when she tells me in mah ear. Now Ah know why Veela get called dangerous. They can really give ya ticklin feelins in yer tummy.

"Ah, ok. Ah gotcha."

Ah can feel tha blood runnin’ through mah ears.

Time Skip

"Do you eat roast beef in the States, Toby?"

Ah nod now tha' we're at tha table.

"Yeah a lotta people use it fer sandwiches."

"I can slice a piece for you if you want to try it tonight."

"Uh, sure. Sure, Ah'd like that."

Ah try ta make mah smile a lil bigger.

"Just tell me how big you want your slice to be, Toby."

Ah look at tha roast beef an Ah try ta guess how big Ah should ask fer. Ah notice Jacklin is lookin' at me, so Ah just ask fer whatever Ah think Ah can handle.

"Ah, uh... could ya give me a small piece? A lil piece?"

"Of course I can. Now hold your plate out so I don’t drip gravy onto the table."

Ah hold mah plate out ta tha side an Ah notice Jacklin's cuttin' tha meat real close an' Ah get a little nervous. Then Ah see gravy dripin' from da roast beef but Ah don't wanna look stupid, so Ah don't move mah plate. Instead, Ah take mah fork and catch tha drops of gravy and lick dem off. Ah hope Jacklin doesn't notice, but she does an she laughs a little bit. Tha laugh makes mah stomach do a flip, but Ah still don't wanna move tha plate so Ah can catch all tha gravy.

"There you go, Toby. If you want another piece, I can pass the tray over to you."

"Ah, no, no. This is a lot."

Ah start ta eat tha meat and Ah notice it’s really good. Suddenly, Ah want more, but Ah still dunno if Ah should ask fer any or not. Ah start ta fidget a little bit an Ah look over at Jacklin, as if she might be able ta help.

"Do you like the roast beef or the gravy that’s on it, Toby?"

"Ah like the gravy Ah think. Maybe ya can gimme some more."

"Oh yes, I can pass you the sauce boat."

Ah look back at tha roast beef an Ah notice tha gravy drippin' on the plate. Ah can tell that this gravy's the best thin' Ah've ever tasted an Ah wanna drown every piece a meat Ah get in it.

"That’s a mushroom gravy and goes well with roast beef since it has beef stock in it."

Ah nod an’ Ah start ta eat.

"Mmmmmm. This stuff… is reaaal good. Mmmmmm. Ah like this. Mmm. Mmmmmm. This gravy is… mmmm. Ah gotta have some more."

Ah keep shovelin' tha gravy an' tha roast beef inta mah face and Ah notice Jacklin's lookin' at me in that way Ah can't quite describe. Ah look up and realize Ah’ve eaten tha roast beef in a couple bites. Ah feel real stupid, but Ah gotta have some more of that gravy.

"Do they have mushroom gravy like this in Florida, Toby?"

Ah pause fer a second. Ah swallow tha gravy down.

"Naw, this ain't nowhere near tha food in Florida. They jus eat grits an' shrimp an' catfish an’ Ah gotta have more gravy. Ah’ll finish all tha roast beef so Ah can have more gravy."

Ah start tha process again pourin' gravy over tha meat Ah jus ate. Jacklin still looks real interested. Ah start ta wonder what she's seein' that's so interestin.

"What are grits?"

Ah pause a second, as Ah try ta explain what grits are.

"Well uh... they're a kinda porridge. Like oatmeal, only it don't got any sugar. An' uh, usually they put a lotta butter wit tha grits. We eat 'em fer breakfast a lot. They make 'em outta cornmeal."

"That would explain why I never heard of it. We don’t really use cornmeal in any food here in the UK."

Ah nod an' Ah keep eatin' tha gravy an' tha roast beef. Ah notice Jacklin is back to eatin' chicken an Ah feel a bit better. Ah look down at tha roast beef an' tha gravy. Ah make a huge mess, but Ah finish tha meat an now Ah got all tha gravy tha Ah want. Ah hope Jacklin notices a big boy like me can eat a lot. Then, Ah see tha desserts comin'.

"What do you want to try tonight, Toby?"

Ah look up at Jacklin an Ah clear mah throat.

"Ah always thought chocolate cake was tha best kinda cake, but Ah dunno much 'bout cakes. So could ya tell me what yer favorite cake is?

Ah take tha risk an Ah look at Jacklin. She looks up from tha dessert table an Ah notice when she looks at me Ah feel real good, but Ah also feel real scared. Did Ah say the right thing or the wrong thing?

"I suppose if I had to pick one that was originally made here in the UK it would be a Victorian Sponge Cake."

Ah nod a couple times, even though Ah don't know anythin' bout tha cake she's takin' about. Then Ah take a bite of a chocolate cake.

"Mmmm. This is pretty good. Mmmmm. What kinda cake's this?"

"Oh that’s technically not a cake. It’s a bombe glacée. That top layer you’re eating keeps the ice cream on the inside from melting."

Ah notice the cold ice cream under tha chocolate. Ah swallow tha chocolate an then Ah look at Jacklin an' Ah feel like a big dummy.

"This is a fancy dessert that I wouldn’t expect the average person to know. I wouldn’t expect you to have something like this in the States since it's very famous in France."

"Could ya tell me bout tha cakes from France? Ah thought tha ice cream was cake.

Ah look at Jacklin an’ Ah hope she don't think Ah'm too stupid ta listen to her. Then Ah take another bite of tha chocolate and then Ah wait for Jacklin to tell me all she knows about tha French cakes.

"Yes well this cake right here is exactly what I want. It’s an Opera cake which is an almond sponge cake."

Ah nod an’ Ah look at Jacklin an’ Ah wonder what she means about an opera cake.

"Why's it called an opera cake?"

"Look at the layers, Toby. The cake is so tall because of the number of thin layers. The cake was called an Opera Cake because the layers look like an opera house."

Ah look at tha cake an Ah understand why the layers remind Jacklin of an opera house.

"Is that a... is tha cake somethin' ya would make on... on Valentine's day?"

"I suppose you could since it’s a complicated cake to make and it would be considered something special."

Ah nod an’ Ah look at Jacklin. Ah feel good that Ah asked that.

"So what kinda cake would ya make on Valentine's Day?"

"I suppose I would make a tarte Tatin. Then again warm apples is more of an autumn treat so that might not be in season in February. I have to think about it."

Ah nod a couple times an' Ah feel a little bit better. There didn't seem ta be any problem wit tha tarte Tatin. Of course, Ah dunno what a "tarte Tatin" is.

"Do you know what Crêpes Suzette are, Toby?"

Ah shake mah head an make that dumb look Ah’m so good ta make.

"Nope. What're those?"

"A crêpe is a very thin pancake. Crêpes Suzette use citrus fruits as the sauce. Citrus fruits like oranges are in season during February so it would perfect for Valentine’s Day if someone doesn’t like chocolate."

Ah keep makin’ tha dumb look and Ah try ta think of a question ta ask.

"Hey, Jacklin... how do ya make tha tarte Tatin apple cake wit warm apples?"

"The apples are warm because you cook them in a pan of caramel before baking it."

Ah nod a little bit like that makes sense.

"So what kinda cake would ya make if ya don't use tha tarte Tatin or tha Crêpes Suzette?

"If those don’t work out I guess I can always make some petit fours."

"What's tha difference between a petty four an a cake?"

Ah look at Jacklin an' Ah don't wanna get Jacklin angry by askin' too many questions.

"A petit four doesn’t necessarily have to be a small cake. It can be sweet or savory."

Ah hear Jacklin say somethin' about them bein' small an' Ah realize she might be talkin' bout small cakes.

"If ya don't mind explainin', what other kinda cakes might ya make?"

"A nonnette. Around Christmas. It’s basically a gingerbread cake."

Ah look at Jacklin an' Ah wonder bout this cake. Ah don't know what tha word means, so Ah'll get to tha bottom of dis once and for all.

"What makes that cake unique from any other cake?"

"It’s filled with orange marmalade or honey. You would also pour a glaze over it that’s made of egg whites, sugar and lemon juice."

Ah nod a couple times, just to let Jacklin know Ah'm listenin' good.

"Sounds nice."

Ah look at Jacklin andAh feel like a dummy 'cause she's startin' ta eat again. But Ah don't wanna ruin it fer Jacklin an Ah'll just be satisfied tha Ah gotta learn a bit more bout cakes.

"This' a real nice dessert. Ah really like tha way it gets all creamy."

Ah notice Jacklin's cake is almost gone. Ah think that's what tha girls do when they wanna end a conversation or a date.

"So... so do ya like talkin' 'bout cake?"

"I like to share a lot about what I learned from my family’s travels. When your father is an ambassador for the British magic world, you have to travel a lot."

Ah nod an’ Ah feel a little relieved tha Jacklin is sharein' so much about herself.

"Sounds like ya travel a lot an get ta do a lotta fancy eatin' an learn a lot bout other countries."

Ah think that was a pretty good compliment.

Time Skip

"Jacklin wha's our classes gonna be tomorrow?"

"Oh. Have a look at this. It's our weekly schedule for the year."

Ah look at tha' paper she hands ta me. She's real organized cause Ah can understand all this real well.

"Thank ya. Ah think Ah know how ta divide everythang. Ah'll get mah books fer tomorrow."

"Great. I already have everything organized so I can help you make sure you have everything in the right day."

We go through everythang an now Ah'm in a chair readin mah Charms book wit Jacklin. Ah'm real happy she ain't ever said Ah was bein a dummy.

"Now Charms is similar to Defense Against the Dark Arts in that it relies a lot on spells. You have to be able to know how to pronounce the incantations and memorize wand movements."

"Ok. Ah think Ah can do that."

We keep readin through the book 'till Ah start yawnin.

"Gettin tired Jacklin."

"Yes it is close to lights out. I think we better start getting ready for bed."

Ah yawn agin an close mah book.

"Ok. Ah'll see ya tomorrow then."

"Alright then. Good night Toby."

"Night Jacklin."

We go ta our dorm rooms an Ah look at Trevor one last time.

"Night Trevor. Yer a good froggie. Ah'll feed ya breakfast in the mornin."

He ribbits an Ah turn his light off. Ah get changed an go ta bed. Ah fall asleep an start dreamin bout seein Jacklin flyin round on a broom. She's real good at it an Ah'm happy she ain't gonna fall any time soon. It's a real good dream.

AN: Thanks for sticking with this story. This is a really long chapter lol.

Tag list: @arrolyn1114, @aliengoth3, @vintagepresley, @comebackep, @thetaoofzoe, @presleysgirl6, and @bigdaddyelvislover.

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Corrupted, chapter 17 - Wager: A TMA x Malevolent crossover starring Tim Stoker and disembodied Hastur

In the aftermath of Maxwell Rayner’s threats, everyone is shaken… and Hastur has an idea Tim’s not at all sure he likes.

AO3

--------

Elias drives like a hot knife through butter—quicker than expected, potentially dangerous, and startlingly practical. His vehicle is some fancy thing, sleek and silver, eerily silent on the road, and he does not turn on the radio. It is like being in some kind of luxurious room on wheels. 

Tim stares out the windows (surprisingly untinted, somehow uncomfortably exposed) and marvels at the fact that his seat is so comfortable, he could sleep in it. Unfortunately, he’s too angry to enjoy it.

Why… why… did everything seem determined to eat Jon?

It’s weird, right? It is weird. He isn’t crazy. It makes no sense. Why the fuck is Jon everybody’s punching bag? (He will ignore the fact that people like Jon are always everybody’s punching bag because this seems more extreme than mere bully bait.)

There is something going on here, or his instinct is broken. Can you still hear me?

Yes. And he can hear me.

Elias gives no indication of anything at all, but Tim remembers. Think he can hear me?

I don’t know.

He’s got some kind of other game going.

I assure you, Tim, he has more than one.

Many games going. Unsurprising; the man isn’t even in his own body (which had yet to be explained), but Tim doesn’t like feeling… used.

That’s what it is. That’s what instinct is telling him. Somehow, protagonist of his own story or not, he and Hastur are not Elias’s goal here. Elias is using them, and it has something to do with Jon.

Tim realizes his hands are clenched on his lap and forces them to relax.

“I’ll do my best to make things welcoming,” says Elias. “I have a full bar, which, I’m sure, will help.”

What a weird, awkward car ride. “Sure. You throw a lot of parties?”

“There are persons of note whom I host, from time to time.”

“Persons of note? Good news! We broke your streak,” says Tim.

“Oh,” says Elias, and his gaze flicks to the rear-view mirror. “I wouldn’t say that.”

Tim frowns and peeks behind him.

Jon sits there, miserable, staring out the window. 

Right, so that didn’t help calm things down.

Easy, Tim, Hastur murmurs. 

Fair. Exploding in an enclosed vehicle probably won’t help. He has to get past this, recover himself, reconnoiter. “So, Elias! How does a guy in charge of a spooky supernatural whatsit afford something like this?” He pats the arm rest. “Pretty sure owning your own jet would be cheaper.”

“Inherited wealth does have its benefits,” says Elias mildly, navigating with a smooth grace as if this tank of a thing were sleek as a watersnake. “One does what one can with what one has, after all. And might I remind you that you now work for the ‘spooky supernatural whatsit’.”

“Yay, we’re all family , now,” says Tim. “Seriously though, inherited? The hell are you, part of the royal family?”

“Goodness, no,” says Elias. “What a pain that would be.” 

“Why?” says Tim. “Not like you’d actually have any responsibility.”

“Now, you should some respect for our game traditions,” says Elias with a sidelong grin, absolutely devilish, far more flirtatious than ought to be allowed.

Surprised, Tim laughs. “Not a monarchist, then?” 

“Hardly,” Elias says. “The exception, of course, being a certain saturated King in our midst.”

Hastur rumbles approval like a cat whose back is stroked.

Tim rolls his eyes. “For one second, I thought you were flirting with me, but nope—it’s just with my bodiless passenger. He can’t even suck your toes, boss.”

Elias delicately clears his throat. “Not toes, perhaps.”

“Geez.” Tim stares at him. “What dialed you up to eleven?”

“Surviving tends to leave me in a particularly good mood,” says Elias. “Celebratory, even.”

Tim peers, eyes narrowed.

‘Inherited’ is a distinctly incorrect term here, wouldn’t you say? Hastur says.

“Not at all,” says Elias. “From birth certificates to DNA testing, I am the sole inheritor of this estate.”

“Uh,” says Tim. “And deliverer of some really odd phrasing?”

One of us is more honest with you than the other, I’d say, Hastur adds in a positively indecent rumble.

What was that delivery? “Don’t you start,” says Tim. “Old guys flirting is so five minutes ago.”

“For the love of hell, are we even going to talk about what happened?” Jon suddenly blurts from the back.

Poor guy. The bandage on Jon’s throat stokes Tim’s anger again. “Yeah. We should.”

“Not now,” says Elias firmly. “Not until we are seated, fed, and have had a chance to process all of our actions… and their consequences.”

Consequences? What, now he’s blaming Jon?

Nope. Tim swats his arm. “No. Bad Elias.”

Elias gives him a sidelong look that isn’t easy to interpret. It’s not… exactly dangerous. It’s not angry; it’s not even fully annoyed. It is, Tim decides, the look of a big lion wondering just what the little turtle ramming into his foot hopes to accomplish.

Tim grins, charm cranked to 1000.

It works. Elias shakes his head and focuses on driving, wearing a tiny, crooked smile.

Tim turns and catches Jon wiping his eyes.

Oof. “Hey,” says Tim, softly. “Listen. I don’t care what silver-spoon over here says: you didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Jon looks at him. His brown eyes are liquid, wide, and for this moment, unguarded. “I brought an enemy inside the Institute.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” said Tim. “It’s never wrong to be kind. Just because some asshole takes advantage of it doesn’t mean you were complicit in his bad choices.” 

“Wrong? No. Wise? Well…” says Elias.

“Hey,” says Tim, a pinch sharply. “Not cool.”

Elias says nothing.

Jon is all eyes and sorrow; it seems that blow landed.

Of course it landed. Punching bag. Tim sighs. “Look. I’m taking this very seriously. I just happen to deal with bad things by being really sarcastic at them until they wander away in confusion due to my cutting wit.”

“And how well does that work for you?” Jon drawls.

“Better than you’d think,” says Tim. “I promise we’ll get this all figured out, all right? But right now, I need you to push back against the paralyzing guilt our asshole boss decided to dump on your head for his ex-boyfriend’s behavior, all right?”

Elias’s hands tighten on the steering wheel. Interesting, Tim thinks.

Jon’s gaze drops. He has very long lashes, and thick; it’s an oddly softening feature on his otherwise sharp face. “I suppose you’re right.”

“I am. Uh. Through the wisdom of pretty-sure-I’m-younger-than-you, and have probably had more therapy.”

Jon gives him a look. “No, I don’t think you are.”

“I mean,” says Tim, wondering if he ought to backpedal, “possibly?”

“I’m twenty-seven,” says Jon.

“Oh,” says Tim, who had guessed wrong by about ten years and definitely needs to backpedal. “Cool, cool.”

Jon looks dubious. “You’re…” He gestures vaguely. “Twenty five?”

“Thirty. I can buy my own beer, and everything,” says Tim.

“You certainly won’t need to do that tonight,” says Elias, making it sound uncomfortably illicit. “I will provide for all your needs.”

It goes  right over Jon’s head; he looks out the window, distracted. “Thank you,” he says.

Tim eyes Elias. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Did you think you were the only one with weaponized charm?” Elias says back like honey on skin. “I can play that game, too.”

Oh, Tim does not really want to deal with that. “Sure,” he says. “We’ll just have a weird flirt-off until HR cans us both.”

Hastur laughs darkly. As if. You know very well that this one is mine.

“Okay, this isn’t exactly what I’d call productive,” says Tim in lieu of screaming What the actual fuck. “We’re all stressed. Let’s go on to another topic and just rue the day this happened, yeah?”

“Rue the… what?” says Jon. 

Tim reddens. “Er. Out-charming each other,” he says.

“Oh,” says Jon blankly, then looks back out the window.

Your little friend is broken, says Hastur with great pleasure.

Oh, shut up, Tim thinks at him.

Hastur laughs.

#

Elias pulls down a street filled with the kind of building that normally has been chopped into condos by now, but here, in this particularly affluent part of London, still remain single-family. Elias’ own home (“inherited”) is a four-story sprawl, whitewashed, with tasteful green shutters, a manicured lawn with The Shining-style topiary, and a long, circular drive with room for quite a few more cars. 

“Home, sweet home,” says Elias with a knowing smirk, and leads them inside through the black, studded door.

That door is the most interesting part. The Bouchard family home is everything Tim dislikes about rich people’s houses: to him, it feels soulless.

It’s all subtle white with charcoal accents, quiet and reserved and thick with pinky-lifting, eyebrow-raising, poverty-disparaging silence. It’s the kind of place that creates shame for making noise or being underdressed. The kind of place that makes one feel watched from the many portraits, judged, and found wanting.

Or maybe he’s just reading into it. He wouldn’t have thought Elias was some two-hundred-year-old body-hopping pagan priest, either, but here they are.

“There are numerous bedrooms upstairs, and all are well-appointed,” says Elias. “Choose whichever you like. If you’ll pardon me, I will start dinner.” And he marches away, leaving them in the grand sitting room, apparently unbothered by whatever they may get up to in his absence.

“Guess that’s the kitchen, then,” says Tim, watching him take a left further down.

Jon hunches like he thinks he’s going to be snatched, stuffed, and put behind glass. “Are we sure about this?” he murmurs.

“Not even a little,” says Tim with a shrug. “But I mean, better than other options right now? Rather keep him where I can see him, you know?”

Jon’s eyes are absolutely huge. “What are you saying? He’s not our enemy!” he whispers.

Eh… “We ran into a lot of mysteries tonight. That guy’s got a history, and a lot of things he isn’t telling us—and at this point, I think we’re owed some answers, don’t you?”

“I suppose,” Jon murmurs back. 

“Come on. I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you,” says Tim, offers his elbow, and waggles his eyebrows.

Jon gives him a dry look.

Tim winks with great exaggeration.

Jon finally laughs, gives in, and takes his arm. “You’re absurd.”

“I am! Aren’t you glad I’m yours?” says Tim as they go down the hall together.

“You’re not mine,” Jon says.

“Pfft, sure you are! You’re my forebear. My work-elder. My senpai. ”

“You are hardly my kōhai,” Jon says, and then frowns, slowing. “That’s odd. I’m not sure how I know those terms. I don’t speak Japanese.”

“Neither do I,” Tim says. “It’s just anime lingo, anyway. Fan Japanese. Fapanese, if you will.” He waggles his eyebrows again.

Jon doesn’t get the pun. “I don’t watch anime.”

“You don’t?” Tim places his hand over his heart. “Don’t tell me you’re into rom-coms.”

“I don’t… watch fiction.”

Tim gasps. “No. Say it ain’t so, boss.”

“It is so, and I am not your boss.” 

“Indeed, he is not,” says Elias as they enter the kitchen. “I am.”

It seems the kitchen is well-appointed, too. Tim takes in the professional hood over the eight-burner stove, the “breakfast nook” that seats ten, the tasteful white marble and charcoal accents. “I’m all about a good dose of hedonism once in a while, boss, but this is a huge place for one person.”

“I readily admit to hiring cleaning staff to handle it,” Elias says. “Have a seat. What can I get you to drink?”

“Nothing,” says Jon.

“Whatcha got?” says Tim. “How about just… you have a nice whiskey, maybe?”

“Barrel-aged, and delightfully Smokey,” says Elias.

“That. Thanks.” He glances at Jon, who stares at his hands as if lost in some other place, and sighs. “Right, so. Let’s get this out of the way. Elias, you owe us some answers.”

“Do I?” says Elias, presenting him with a fancy crystal tumblr and about two fingers’ worth of booze.

You do, rumbles Hastur. That is quite the growl Hastur managed in the space of their minds. Tim’s impressed (and scared, and a little turned on, but whatever). That man knew you. That man was aiming for you, and endangered all of us to reach you. 

“Ah,” says Elias.

If we are going to be in danger because of you, which was not disclosed before employment, there will be trouble, Hastur promises like warm syrup, or maybe an evening in a mountain cabin on a bear-skin rug, or perhaps satisfaction over some kind of torture pit.

“What?” says Jon. “What is—oh. He’s talking.”

“Yeah,” says Tim. “Threatening, actually.”

Jon’s eyes go huge.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” says Elias, not even trying to hide the smile in his voice. “There’s no need to frighten him more than necessary. Jon is very new to all of this. To the… truer nature of reality that stares him down, observing every action, recording every thought, without emotion, without assessment, but with all-inclusive, all-encompassing sight.”

Jon’s expression is somehow both hungry and terrified.

Both Tim’s eyebrows rise.“De-escalated that like a master,” he says, dryly. “Bad Elias. Not helping. Also, I’m just about as new as he is.”

“You handle it differently because your position is different,” says Elias. “You have a built-in guide, and also a great deal of power. Jon has neither. He has every right to be overwhelmed.” And he hands Jon a drink in spite of Jon’s preference.

Being culturally polite, Jon takes it, sips, and starts coughing.

That’s not all he takes. The words could have been reassuring—the kind of statement that takes pressure off, easing the gas, but that did not happen here. Powerless. Ignorant. That’s what came across.

“Jeez,” Tim mutters. “Cut a little deeper next time.”

Elias smiles.

“I just don’t understand what’s happening,” Jon says suddenly, his dark cheeks flushed. “Once I do, I’ll have a handle on everything.”

“Yes, I actually believe you will, which is why I involved you,” says Elias as if he were just being encouraging all along, and sits with a glass of red wine. “I’m not usually quite this… close to the front lines. I might not be stepping as gracefully as I ought.”

“Uh-huh,” Tim says.

Well? Says Hastur.

“That man was a colleague of mine once,” says Elias, “a very long time ago, when we were both young. Suffice it to say, we chose different means of preserving our lives.”

And different gods.

“Yes, rather. Opposing patrons, in fact.”

That, Tim understands. “Sight versus darkness.”

“More the fear of being seen without so much as a washcloth to hide beneath, versus the fear of never seeing at all, including whatever lurks in the shadows to get you. Diametrical.”

Tim stares. “That’s so fucked up.”

Elias shrugs. “We had quite the falling out.”

“But why was he here?” says Jon. “He was offering you something, as if he knew a bomb was dropping and he had the only shelter.”

Elias is silent; he sips his wine, staring into the past. “This is not the way I’d prefer to do this,” he says. “It’s not good to spoon-feed you; you need to learn on your own, which the Eye will reward, empowering you.”

Jon stares at him. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“I just want answers,” snaps Jon like a man denied coffee.

“You will have them—in the right way, at the right time.”

This is about Jon again, though they are both ostensibly being addressed. Somehow, it is. “Will we, though?” says Tim.

And Elias gives him that look again, like in the car; it’s not a threatening look yet, but it is far from safe. “You are both employees of the Eye. Knowledge is what it grants, as well as takes. Yes.”

“Really not doing a good job at ratcheting down that tension, boss,” Tim warns.

Elias sighs. “Here is the compromise: I will provide you with the files to read, saving you the time of reading unrelated things. You will learn what that old fool hopes to happen… and, in the process, grasp what is at stake—and also begin to understand why I permit Gertrude to behave as she does.”

That is a lot of promises. Are you wiling to wager on it?

“What?” says Tim.

“I’ll even take a wager on it satisfying yo,” says Elias.

“What?” says Jon.

“Whoa, hold on,” says Tim. “He doesn’t even have anything to wager that isn’t, you know, mine, so I might put the kibosh on this.”

“Unless I offered something that appealed to you, perhaps?” says Elias.

Your institute, says Hastur out of nowhere.

Well that gets a response. Elias pales.

Jon sees it. “What? What’d he say?”

“Uh,” says Tim intelligently. “Really?”

Really.

“I thought we were trying to stay under the radar,” Tim stage-whispers.

And we are already seen by the Eye, which does not seem inclined to eat me. It simply wants to watch whatever happens… and I feel that more knowledge can help protect me.

Elias is still pale. “You’ve laid out quite the challenge.”

“What challenge? I don’t understand,” says Jon.

“Unless I’m going mad, which is perfectly possible, these two are betting we can read what he gives us and be fully satisfied with answers, which is absolutely vague, or Hastur… gets the Institute, somehow? How would that even work?” Tim says.

“What?” Jon says, low.

“Look, I’m not a mad gambler, or anything, but what in hell can we offer in equivalent exchange?” says Tim.

“Well, that’s simple,” says Elias. “I want the King in Yellow tied to me, by contract, even when he has his own body.”

“How is that simple ?” blurts Tim.

I see you understand my end goal, purrs Hastur.

“I do. Well-played, your greatness; your reputation proved true. And you’re correct, of course—that would distinctly alter my priorities,” says Elias.

“What? About what? I have not agreed to this,” says Tim.

“Priorities? For what?” says Jon.

The oven beeps.

“Excuse me,” says Elias, walking away.

“What the hell just happened?” Jon hisses.

“I’m kind of wondering that myself,” Tim hisses back.

It’s the perfect idea. Expedient, and cutting through his nonsense. We’ve just forced him to abandon most of his plans. 

“Um. We did?” says Tim.

Yes. Even if we lose, I’m still tied to the place, and now he understands I will take it from him. The only way he keeps his Institute is if he gives me what I want.

“Since when do you want the bloody Institute?” Tim whispers.

Tim, Hastur rumbles, and Tim almost misses the root-like feeling of Hastur’s own magic threading these words, sewing the concept together, coating so it goes down smooth. How did you feel when blind?

“Ouch,” says Tim. “Going for the big guns.”

Answer me.

Tim sighs. “Helpless and afraid.”

Tim. I’m helpless.

“You’re really not.”

I am. Without a body of my own, whatever power I seem to have isn’t… much. I want a body. I need help. I need strength. I need to be able to defend myself—including by going to my cultists, whom you despise without ever giving them a chance.

Tim sighs again. “But the Institute?”

He’ll trade anything to keep it in his power. This will save us years.

Tim rubs his face. “Hm,” he says, noncommittal.

And Jon, who has only heard half this conversation, murmurs, “Time.”

That’s the warning before Elias returns. He’s smiling; he’s wearing cute oven mitts, minty green with pink hearts on the backs. “Dinner is served.”

Tim throws his drink back.

Oh, my.

“Fortification, my man,” says Tim, standing, feeling vaguely like he’s going into battle, or asking for a promotion, or maybe taking debate club.

Jon stands with him.

“I think this turned out well,” says Elias, gesturing. “Come along, now. It won’t bite.” Which he follows up with a terrible laugh.

Jon shivers.

Tim rolls his eyes. “What, is your lightning machine on the fritz?”

Elias smiled.

Tell the eyeling he will be fine. I have no plans to harm him, Hastur says graciously.

Sure, that would lower paranoia levels. Tim does not do that. “So what’s on offer?”

“Leftovers, I’m afraid,” Elias says as though speaking a great tragedy. “Roast beef and vegetables.”

“Sounds good. Thanks.” Tim keeps Jon close.

Jon does not complain.

They sit, and they eat frankly ludicrously good roast, and Jon sips whatever Elias gave him and relaxes enough to stop trembling, and Tim has two more shots (and probably shouldn’t but he is stressed). Everything seems lighter, and they talk about absolutely nothing beyond weather and the pattern of Elias’s china. 

Which looks like eyes. Because of course it does.

Elias says nothing about the bet as he leads them upstairs. “I have a very good laundering service. If you drop your clothes down the chute in your bedroom, they will be clean and pressed by morning.”

Tim knows he’s on the edge of drunk. He also doesn’t care right now, and fondles the thick white robe on offer. “Oh, this is nice.”

“I try. Rest well. Breakfast is at six-thirty sharp.” And Elias retreats, presumably to his own room.

Jon looks both wired and tired. “I’m not satisfied with the answers we got.”

“You want those files he offered?” says Tim, pretty sure he isn’t slurring.

“Yes. Whether you engage in whatever wager or not, I want the files.”

The hunger in Jon is… inhuman.

That was an odd thought to have, and Tim shakes it out of his head.

He’s born for this, observes Hastur. Insatiable.

Tim ignores that, too. “Well, I don’t know what we’re doing yet.”

“Just be careful. All of this, it’s… a lot.” Jon hesitates. “And I am completely sure we were followed here.”

“Wouldn’t be surprising,” Tim says. “Gods and monsters. Aliens next, I’m betting.”

Hastur’s chuckle is deep.

“Well. Goodnight,” says Jon awkwardly, and retreats.

Finally alone, says Hastur like this is some sort of tryst.

“Uh-huh,” says Tim. “Hey. Hey, Hastur. Hey. Can’t say I appreciate you making an offer like that wager without telling me first.”

It’s going to be fine. We both know he’s using us, anyway. A chance to use him back and get what we want is worthwhile, and this idea is flawless, says Hastur in a confident, almost naively happy tone.

Tim laughs. “I think you’re drunk!”

You’re drunk.

Tim snaps his fingers. “And we’re sharing a bloodstream! I forgot I could do that to you.”

I have no objections, says Hastur in the kind of tone that usually accompanies sidling in beside someone in a booth at a romantic restaurant.

Tim laughs again, takes his shirt off, then pauses. Just listening to his gut, he takes the portrait of some old man in Victorian garb off the wall and puts it on the floor, facing away. “We really may have fucked up by taking this job.”

No. He’s too afraid of dying to truly refuse you when you’re ready to leave. 

“If he’s really invasion of the body-snatchers, maybe. Guess I’m just wondering what other old friends he has, and whether he might decide we’re too much trouble to just let go.”

He wouldn’t dare. Hastur sounds so confident.

“I think he would, and you’re too used to cultists to understand that just because some guy likes what you are doesn’t mean he wouldn’t still shank you.” Tim pauses. “Yeah, that made sense,” he says, pleased with himself.

Hastur is silent as Tim gets in the shower. (And it’s a damn nice shower, and he reluctantly admits to himself it’s worth whatever Elias paid). He washes, grateful for the chance, and uses the brand-new toothbrush and toothpaste, as well. 

“Rich bastard,” he says, donning his wonderful robe, “but at least he thought of the basics.”

Hastur’s voice has somehow gotten deeper. I don’t intend to see you come to harm. You know that, don’t you?

Tim takes a minute before replying, just fiddling with the robe’s belt. “You mean that this time. It’s not all, ‘Such a pity, couldn’t be helped.’”

I do mean it. You still don’t truly understand what I am, and I can forgive your insolence because of that.

“Yow,” Tim says.

Modern education has utterly failed to instill you with reverence for the divine.

“The gods are gone, remember?” says Tim, feeling clever “So what would be the point?”

Hastur laughs, low and frightening. I look forward to furthering your education.

Well, Hastur is drunk, so Tim can forgive him, too. He still feels watched, though, and it’s making him a little nuts. “Really not reassuring, when you say shit like that.”

I am what I am, Tim. My nature is to take what I want and gather those whom I want near me.

“Maybe your education needs some furthering, too,” says Tim, who can’t figure out if there are cameras in here or what, and finally turns off the lights in defeat. “It might be good for you to hear ‘no’ and learn to respect it.”

Tim, said Hastur in that oh you sweet young thing voice that raises his hackles. You are my favorite human in this generation, but we are not equals. I am—

Tim won’t let that go any further. “No,” he says, and adds a buzzer sound. “Eeeeeh. Nope. Stop. Hastur… I like you, and I hope however this shakes out, we can still be friends and all, but I’m never going to be some acolyte. I don’t worship. Not even you.”

And Hastur… purrs.

It’s bizarre, a psychic memory of some weird, literal rumble that seems to have nothing to do with air or vocal cords or sanity. We’ll see how you feel when you stand in the presence of a god.

Tim swallows and pulls the blankets up to his chin. “What on earth brought this on, anyway? First in the car, and now this?”

Because, Tim Stoker, when I finally have my way with you, I am going to make every lover you’ve ever had seem like a vague, virginal dream.

Tim discovers he’s too drunk to think of a comeback. “Shit. What?”

Hastur’s laugh is dark, and almost cruel, and he falls silent.

Tim stares at the dark ceiling, at the patterns of street lights and passing cars, and decides this is a nest best left unpoked.

Sleep takes him at once. He dreams all night of being stared at by a giant, unblinking eye, and while it doesn’t judge him (he feels like it can’t), it’s x-ray penetration is terrible, and he dreams of weeping because it will not stop.

[nancydrewwouldnever]

Agree on many points here. But he's also been doing movies for 20+ years now, you'd think some director along the way would have said, "Hey, can you make the kissing a little more realistic?" //

Original Anon who sent in the 1st response.

You would think right? But do you think that’s happened though? Do you think he pushed back to the directors? I remember Mackie ragging on I think in BTS during Playing it Cool, something like ‘this ain’t the first movie you’ve been in’ lol I think he asks a lot of questions of how the shot will go and maybe even annoys people after awhile. It doesn’t seem like he can just ‘let go’.

There are several actors who can really make a scene hot and steamy but I don’t know if he just puts up a wall and doesn’t want to show like his real self? Or that is actually close to how he kisses and it’s the best he’s got lol.

I’ve always wondered this. He seems like the type of guy who can get a lot of women while also seeming like he’s a complete nerd who sucks at picking up girls lol. Like stories from back in the day on IMDB with bottle girls, with also I think him saying himself he gets rejected a lot. I think fans project a lot of his ‘sexiness’ on to him (and he benefits form it) but I also have this weird hunch if we meet him in person, or knew him in person it’s possible we may be disappointed.

Yes agreed though in terms of growing as an actor, you would think he would after the career he’s had, he would have improved. But he also seems like he stopped attempting to grow at a certain point based on scripts and projects he picked. KO and DJ were good choices post Marvel. Now he’s stalled. I think the pandemic messed his groove but while PH sounds interesting, I have been disappointed by his project choices.

But yes! Like you would think a guy who goes on about being ‘a romantic’ would give a crap to make the kissing look good lol.

Sorry kind of all over the place here! Like is he just bad at acting kissing scenes? Or is he just unwilling to be vulnerable or push himself as an actor I think is the question.

I think there's a couple of things at play: getting too up in his own head and not going with the flow of the scene (which makes acting look more natural, let's be real), and also possibly some emotional boundary issues, which might also be what plays into the issues we see with him crying as well.

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Trick or treat! (⁠●⁠´∇`⁠●⁠)ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

Happy Halloween! You get a bit of Basco and Luka dialogue, from a prompt fic that I got severely stuck on in April of last year but which I do still dream of finishing.

“You know, you’re kind of cute.” Basco looks up with a start. He’s just trying to get some shopping out of the way, replace a few things on the Free Joker that Sally broke; he’s in no mood to run into Marvelous’ little yellow thief. And yet—there she is, leaning over the handrail of the upper walkway at this shopping mall with her cheek resting on her hand and smiling down at him, smug as a cat. “You—your name is Luka, right.” “That’s me. Kinda surprised you remembered.” “I have all of your bounty information saved for reference.” He squints up at her. “What’s cute?” “You. You know, how obsessed with Marvelous you are.” Somehow she gets even smugger. “It’s kind of cute.” He sputters. “You think I’m—I’m not obsessed with him.” “Yeah you are. You miss him so bad.” She straightens up, grabbing the railing with both hands now so she can lean out farther. “Who keeps calling their ex cute names this long after a bad breakup?” “Their—did Marvelous say I was his ex?” “No, but it’s obvious you liked him.” A slightly further lean, and if she tries to grab his hat he’s going to shoot her fingers off. “You fucked up real bad, pal. Like, don’t tell Marv I said this, but he’s kind of easy, you could’ve gotten him to do anything for you if you hadn’t been such a massive jerk about everything.” She looks him up and down thoughtfully. “It wouldn’t even really be bad taste, you’re nice to look at. Well, I mean, it’d be doing shit for Zangyack, that’s pretty bad, but he’s done some pretty stupid shit to get laid before.” Basco is, in fact, reaching for his gun, startling several passers-by who scatter in alarm. Luka lets out a little shriek of mocking laughter and flips back off the railing, making a rude gesture at him as she strolls off. “You’ve gotta get over him, man. Have some ice cream, cry a little bit, and then suck it up.”

[unicyclehippo]

One word prompt: startle

wyll said it best.

‘dante. what the fuck?’

‘this one isn’t my fault.’

‘oh,’ shadowheart said, with a small mocking smile, ‘so it was someone else who got us invited to this hut in the middle of a cursed swamp and then stole from a hag? immediately. while she was watching.’

dante scowled at her. it felt good, they had a face made for scowling. it felt even better when she pressed harder than necessary against the wound in their belly before healing it. ‘i don’t like it when you say true things when i’m so badly injured. how am i supposed to defend myself? go back to keeping secrets.’

‘i won’t tell anyone where i leave your body after murdering you.’

dante laughed. despite the terror of the last moments—blood, blood and terror, gnashing teeth and ripping claws, the awful licking green fire, the twist and pop and snap of her curses ripping their body into a new form—the laugh was bright and clear. it brought sunlight back to the cursed swamp, for a brief moment.

‘you say the sweetest things.’

‘i shall assist you in killing them,’ lae’zel muttered. ‘just this once, we have an accord.’

wyll chuckled. he crouched beside dante, rifling through their pack for a healing potion. uncorking it, which was kind since dante wasn’t sure they had the energy left to do it themself, he handed it over with a wry, ‘you certainly bring people together. just not in a way that makes me think you shall live a long and peaceful life.’

dante drained the potion. the red always tricked them, that hungry part of their mind. they always expected the thick warm glug of blood in their mouth, their throat. instead, it tasted dully of forest floor. dante kept from spitting it out. if they licked the blood from their lip, well. no one commented.

‘we will not live long at all if we do not reach my crèche.’

‘yes, yes, we’ve heard it all before. get to the crèche and be purified. enough.’

‘you should be honoured to receive this knowledge. many have attempted to learn even this fraction and have been rebuffed. many thieves have attempted to pierce into the strongholds of the gith. many,’ lae’zel said, steely-eyed, ‘are the bodies of dead thieves that litter the astral sea.’

‘i bet they’ve got loads of good loot.’

wyll rolled his eyes. ‘the words of someone who has certainly learned their lesson,’ he muttered. he can’t have been too displeased with them because he stood and offered a hand down to dante, helping them to their feet.

dante reached down for shadowheart, who pretended not to see it.

‘thank you,’ dante said softly, trying to catch her eye. ‘for healing me. i would be dead ten times over if not for you. if not for you all.’

they clasped wyll’s shoulder, gave him a bracing shake, and ignored his wary glance. it had not been long enough since the murder in the camp and all knew whose bloody hands were responsible. dante knew, though they did not remember anything save that one glimpse. young face, startled then horrified eyes, body beneath them. and the warmth of blood and pain. why had shadowheart brought them back, they wondered, as they stepped carefully through the traps and sucking muds of the swamp. why had wyll shot the mephit that morning, blasting it ten feet back with a furious bolt of magic. why had lae’zel carried every useless piece of loot without complaint, and sliced through every enemy dante pointed her toward. was this trust? was it the tadpoles?

‘i just had the most marvellous thought while we were down there,’ dante told them cheerfully, and accepted lae’zel’s gauntleted hand lifting them by the scruff over a pit built beneath the mud. they pulled the lute to their front and cleared their throat. for all their groans, dante’s companions fell silent to listen. no other sound reached them. no croak of the frogs, no lap of languished waters. and dante sang.

[not-those-kids]

uncharted golden abyss full review come and get it

overall: 6.5/10, good, compelling characters with a great haunting of the narrative on behalf of non-existent sam, but bogged down by ooc jokes and quips that gave misogyny and transphobia

i get that it’s not a naughty dog game and not the same writers were working on it

but while it had really great concepts some of the banter didn’t hit the mark enough for me to go lower than a 7. what i love abt all 4 games + ll is the banter. it establishes character very well, makes the audience relate more to the character, but doesn’t overextend it when it doesn’t need to happen (cough marvel). at least in the first four games + tll.

and when the banter is good in ga it’s really good. i loved nate’s dynamic with dante, i love that dante sucked massive shit. and even if sam wasn’t an established character at this time, i could see how his death might’ve influenced nate to work with dante.

dante shoving the fact that nate was basically a nobody who has done nothing WAS SO FUCKING POIGNANT, especially with the undercurrent of the sam haunting the narrative!!!! like fuck!! “what have you done in the last ten years except work pissant jobs for schlubs like me?” WHAT A GREAT LINE, and then nate pointing a gun at him LIKE UGH!!!! imagine ur brother died three or so years ago, and this ASSHOLE just throws it in ur face that you have accomplished NONE of what you wanted to do together. THATS FUCKING COLD AND RAW AND I FUCKING LOVED IT.

and then the dynamic between marisa and nate was great too! she really feeds off nate well, and tbh while i definitely got more of a friendship vibe off of them, i didn’t hate it that there was romantic tension there either. that being said, sometimes. and i mean sometimes. the way nate talked to her rubbed me the wrong way, and not only did it feel ooc for nate but it felt degrading to marisa. it was like having 95% of the cupcakes in the batch being great, and then 5% being either meh or just plain bad. the reason i say this is because i felt like they had a fun dynamic as being both knowledgeable on history, but nate was. somewhat harsh on her for seemingly no reason. sometimes the banter felt like boomer comedy, Oh She’s The Nagging Wife and he’s the Tired Husband.

like here are real quotes from the game from nate that felt ooc and degrading to marisa

“i’m listening… just not paying attention”

[after her foot got stuck under a heavy stone column and nate gets her out of it] “quit your bitchin’” (as a joke)

like even as a joke, it just doesn’t suit nate and it really rubbed me the wrong way. enough to me that those 5% of sour cupcakes in the batch tasted enough bad for me to be like :/

sully was also great in this for 95% of the game and then like. that god damn 5%!!!! like he’s always been a womanizer, but the way he talked abt women in this game was a lil more gross than normal. for me, it always seemed like sully would talk abt his partners, but idk. there was just something lacking in respect in how he talked abt them in this game. like. at the end he jokes abt two girls he finds attractive, at some point pontificating abt a girl’s lips. like which. idk. he’s always been a dirty old man. i just never really heard him talk abt…body parts. he always seemed too polite for that, if that makes sense.

what really drove the nail on the coffin for me was the very final line in the game. nate made a joke abt how sully slept w a woman’s “brother named isabel”. which is just. straight up transphobia meant to be a dig at sully and his masculinity (thank u danger on discord for putting my brain thoughts into words). and it’s just so!!! ew!!! don’t assign my nathan as a transphobe. canon disregarded and thrown away. thanks.

but again like i said, MOST of the banter was good. i love that nate was a lil environmentalist, and he’s still good at heart and you can tell. dante is 1000% the best pre uc4 antagonist FOR SURE, i will always remember how he understood nathan and used it against him and i just. ugh. i kinda wanna like him more than rafe is that crazy?

anyways. it just had some lil Written By Men moments that made me feel icky enough to rate it lower bc of that. but besides that, a lot of fun. cant rate it higher than uc1, but again. would watch again just for the dante and nate banter.

[feathered-serpents]

I don’t know how to explain to some of you that it’s okay for creators to make money

Like yes capitalism sucks the endless stream of sequels and marvel movies and rehash after rehash is exhausting but when we’re talking about indie studios, even the larger ones like Critical Role, some of you are just so quick to jump to “soulless cash grab” at the slightest hint that there may be a profit based motive behind a project. Which. There literally always is

The idea of the starving artist has given us the concept they “good” creators never think about money even when they’ve managed to pull off the miracle of being a full time creator. That’s rare, and precarious. Sometimes they will have no choice to put profit before creativity because that’s literally what they need to survive. If they give a shit, which it’s incredibly bad faith to assume they don’t, they’ll still try to make that profit-motivated project good and enjoyable. Because they know putting out a bad product won’t generate that oh so evil profit and they just CARE and want to put good art in the world regardless of the motive

Some of y’all just straight up hate when creators are successful or put any thought towards profit. I’m not saying you’re doing that purposefully, you’re jaded, I get it, but you’ve got to start allowing some nuance because even the most original, anti-establishment creator needs to fucking eat

So many of the people I see saying this are aspiring creators themselves. What do you think you’re going to have to do? Do you think you’ll just magically be an exception? We all live in the same world. If you want to be a creative professionally, always remember what you said and what your subject did in situations like this, because it will happen to you

[marksbear]

Your post asking for requests was tagged marvel soo

Loki with a Vampire!reader (I don’t mind any gender reader, I’m getting mixed signals for ur preference) (also don’t mind platonic or romantic)

Im finna kms I deleted all my progress. I was so close to giving up im telling yall when I deleted it on accident I was gonna give up

LOKI X MALE VAMPIRE READER

His father used to tell his brother and him stories about vampires. Loki thought they were just myths until he became a teenager.

He was walking around in the aftermath of a battle his kingdom had fought and noticed something about some of the warriors. Some of their limbs were missing like they were bitten off and how some of them bodies were like they had their life drained away. And bite marks on their necks and arms,

Loki told his brother and father about the strange bodies but they brushed it off as something normal and told Loki to man up. Loki didn't just brush it off he studied more about vampires and their history.

TIMESKIP FEW WEEKS LATER

Loki was walking around the forest to clear his head after another argument with his father. Once he turns a corner he smells blood and walks towards the scent. He stops dead in his tracks when hes sees a man crouched down covered in blood sucking on the body's hand. Loki takes out his dagger and walks up slowly behind the man and raises it and strikes down. The man turns quickly and takes the dagger and stands up and heads butts Loki. The man swiftly kicks Loki onto the ground quickly getting on Loki and pinning his hands on the ground.

"GET OFF OF ME! I am Loki! Prince of Asgard and future king!" Once Loki mentioned the prince of Asgard the man quickly got off of him and flew away. Loki stayed on the ground speechless he never had been over powered so easily and how good the man looked.

Loki quickly went home and skipped the dinner and went straight into his room and took a bath. Once he walked out of the bathroom he looked at his desk and saw a box sitting there.

He walked over to it and opened it and picked up what was inside. It was two hands one holding some flowers and the other a note. Loki ripped it open and began to read it.

Dear prince Loki,

I would like to apologize for tonight. One for attacking a royal like you and not looking my best in front of you my prince. You caught me when I was eating and it was all messy. I would have tried to get less blood on me and my body so I can look like I have some sense. But you caught me in one of my cannibalistic moments. Please accept the flowers as an apology for me overpowering you.But you should also hope you don't come across my path eating again cause maybe I won't be so nice - Love the man in the forest.

Loki read the letter as the flashed back of you fighting him replayed in his mind burned in forever.

TIMESKIP WEEKS LATER

His father hosted an event for all allied tribes and kingdoms to gather and party. For another successful war won. Loki was standing by himself minding his business until he saw a handful of women walk up to a man. At first he didn't think much until some goddess came towards him and the princess. So he had to turn around to see who the guy was. His heart dropped When he saw the man's face again. Even though it was weeks ago he can still remember it like it was yesterday. His body had been caught in a paralyzed state He couldn't hear anything besides the man and his voice. "My name is Y/n from the L/n tribe" the man says towards the woman but using his powers so he can hear him. Y/n excuses himself from the women and walks past Loki with a smirk

"I think we're gonna be good friends." Y/n says into Loki mind.

[99liners]

selcouth – jjk;

selcouth; strange, unusual, rare yet marvellous.

pairing: jeon jeongguk x detective!female reader.

genre: action, humour, fluff and smut.

words: 7.049

warnings: swearing (lots of), a semi-graphic knife fight, 2vs1 fight, reader is trained in close-combat knife fights and ‘kali’ filipino martial art, mentions of blood, reader tends to be self-sabotaging, she is an overthinker, jk used to be a in frat, bucket full of references to ‘your name’ anime, gguk also gets a manga spoiler that makes him want to rethink life choices, potential kimetsu no yaiba s02 spoilers, consensual protected sex (always observe safe sexual practices in real life), sensual foreplay, pussy eating, slow sex, lotus position, sex on a couch, fingering, lots of kissing.

a/n: remember when jeongguk said that he wishes that he would hear the sound of bells when he meets his partner like in ‘your name’ anime? yeah, me too.💙

★彡[ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ɴᴇᴇᴅ ᴋɴᴏᴡʟᴇᴅɢᴇ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀɴɪᴍᴇꜱ/ᴍᴀɴɢᴀꜱ ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇꜱʜᴏᴛ. ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ!]彡★

“𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞,” 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞-𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞-𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐩 𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩 𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐜𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐧 𝐜𝐮𝐩.

“mm?” jeon jeongguk, your boyfriend, hummed. his cheeks were full – accommodating the ramyeon, chomping on them with his mouth full. since it was spicy and extremely hot, he kept trying to suck in some cold air in-between his chewing lest his tongue shall burn. yet, the delicacy was perfect as it was and jeongguk just wanted to slurp all the noodles while they were still scorching hot.

“i am about to do something but i really hope you don’t see me differently afterwards,” you pushed the cup noodles up the dash of the car, behind the steering wheel.

after clocking out of work, you had picked up jeongguk from his workplace. he insisted on having ramyeon owing to his growling stomach that constantly made its existence known.

now sitting in your car parked outside a convenience store, you let a sigh when the realization became apparent. your eyes never leaving the rear-view mirror – the dark shadows appearing on them getting uncomfortably closer.

“what do y’mean?” jeongguk spoke up after gulping down the food.

you chuckled at the sight, wiping at the corner of his lip with your thumb, “just promise me.”

“okay? i promise but what is it?” worry took over his features when he noticed how serious you had become. usually, you would be devouring the cup noodles with him and yet they went untouched. the charming smile was also lacking from your face. something was wrong.

“i would suggest you keep your eyes closed,” you leaned down to retrieve your SOG desert dagger strapped to your ankle, hidden conveniently beneath your boots.

“are you cosplaying?”

if only you could roll your eyes out of your skull, you would have at that moment, “just close your eyes, love,” you gave him a closed mouthed smile before opening the car door at a right angle with enough kinetic energy – causing the man who was about to sneak up to your side of the window to fall down upon getting hit on the head by the door.

“wha-” jeongguk did not even get to finish the monosyllabic word when his eyes went wide to the very extent. his jaw unclenched, his lips parting as his mouth fell agape when he watched you flipping a second assailant, while effortlessly driving the dagger into the leg of the one who had fallen down.

was he seeing it correct or did he doze off at work and is daydreaming? rubbing his eyes abrasively to the point where he could see the phosphenes, jeongguk opened his eyes again only to witness you wielding the service baton in one hand while the dagger was firmly held in the other. all the while, one fully bodied armed man tried to take you on. the second assailant who got stabbed in the leg was still recovering from the blow.

“give it up little lady, we don’t want to hurt you,” the main assailant spoke up.

“suck my dick,” you scoffed, deflecting an incoming attack from your blind side. the injured assailant had crippled from the back and tried to stab you with a switchblade.

using the same hand that was clutching the baton, you gripped on the sleeve of the guy’s shirt to lock his arm in place while you used the hilt of your dagger to smash his thumb – causing him to lose the grip on the switchblade, which fell near your boots. kneeing him in the ribs, you pushed the assailant away.

“you have been served already son, stop bothering,” a groan left your lips before turning to the next oncoming attack.

the main assailant advanced towards you, he was unarmed but was a burly guy and planned to take you on in a fist fight. well, too bad cause you had no as such intention.

as soon as the first blow came your way, you ducked down in order to dodge it. the second blow followed soon after, so you pushed his attacking arm away with a blow from the baton. you used it to keep his arm away from resuming the fighting stance. low grunts echoed in the empty parking lot as the assailant tried to set his arm free which contrasted with the grunts that you let out while trying to maintain a uniform pressure on it. the assailant had too much body mass and was about to break free from your grip so in order to retain the upper hand, you kicked your heels off the ground and impacted on his body but due to a misstep during the landing, the assailant had you by the neck – in a tight chokehold.

he reached down to retrieve a switchblade, how naïve of you to assume that he was unarmed.

“what do you have to say about this, huh?” the man roared, putting the tip of the switchblade on your jugular. the artery popping out and vibrating from the amount of adrenaline rushing inside.

just like jeongguk has seen in many an action movie scene, everything happened in a whirlwind and he was not even given enough time to blink between one development to the other but watching you under the chokehold of the assailant, his body unfroze. he fumbled to take off the seatbelt. he has never fought in real life but does enough boxing at the gym to know a thing or two. his hands reached the car door to open it but when he looked up to check up on you, his eyes met yours.

a glare bore holes into his doe-eyed irises, there was the smallest shake of your head and he ceased all movement. you do not want him there.

“that you are an unoriginal piece of trash,” you moved your gaze to your hand holding the dagger. repositioning it from reverse grip into a ice pick grip between your fingers, you impaled the dagger right into his thigh.

a blood curdling scream later, you found just enough leeway to escape his grip – you elbowed him away from your figure but he was in the process of stabbing you with the knife – luckily, it only caught the fabric of your jacket. you felt the tip of the switchblade whirring down the material of the jacket – ripping it open.

“did you jus-?” you turned around in absolute disbelief, “you will pay for this!” yelling out in frustration at losing your beloved jacket, you made a motion to retrieve your dagger from his thigh but you had lodged it too deep inside back then and it was caught between his muscles now.

“wow, you just keep getting more annoying,” angrily picking up the service baton, you hit him in his joints – crippling the limbs just enough for him to lose his footing. by the time he was on the ground – face first, you pulled on of his arms in the backward direction, your bent knee digging into his spinal cord at the most painful of angles.

“guess you don’t mind losing this arm,” you mumbled before applying more pressure and there was the sonorous crack – the ball of the arm dislocating from the socket joint.

the injured man beat his free palm on the pavement in pain, “i surrender! surrender!”

“weak,” a scoff left your lips this time as you stood to your feet, your hands clutching on the jacket of the man – dragging him to his feet, as well. you smashed the guy face first on the bonnet of the car.

“speak or you will be losing your other hand.”

“look i got nothing against you lady!”

shaking your head, next you twisted his unharmed hand behind his back, your fingers twisting them beyond the limit.

“fuck i was hired to attack you! okay!”

“name. i want a name. who hired you? and why the fuck did you dumbfucks think it was a good idea to attack me while i am clearly out with a civilian?”

“phantomhive! it was phantomhive! he sent me to threaten you!”

“that old geezer has the balls? i am going to drive this dagger up his fucking ass,” cursing out in frustration, you finally grabbed the pair of handcuffs strapped to your belt loop and cuffed the assailant. pushing him off the car, you opened the luggage to retrieve the second pair of handcuffs that you keep beside the spare tyre.

after cuffing both the assailants to each other, you used the service intercom to inform the squad to come collect the assailants. could you do it yourself? yes but you are not a fan of working overtime. girl needs her off time blowing bubbles in the bath with her boyfriend.

oh right, the boyfriend.

jeongguk has never seen you like this. hell, all these months he probably had the damsel-in-distress image of you which you badly wanted to preserve. he was not supposed to see you like this, not now and not ever. ideally, you were supposed to keep up the sweet little girl image forever and yet here you stand. looking around, you took in the aftermath of the fight – you stabbed a total of three times, broke five limbs and many more bones. on the other hand, you sustained injuries to your palms, a huge rip in your jacket that jeongguk had gotten for you from his switzerland trip, a small cut on your thigh showcasing the open wound with now dried-up blood.

while the squad arrived and collected the assailants in the police van, you absolutely avoided to even look in the direction of your boyfriend.

after a brief talk about the situation, the squad left and the dreadful moment finally came. taking a deep breath, you composed yourself and ascended the car, resuming your seat.

jeongguk looked absolutely fazed, his mouth still left a bit open which you closed with a push of hand under his chin. you expected him to bombard you with questions, but he was quiet and seemed like he was still processing everything.

‘yep, he hates me,’ you twisted the car key and ignited the engine, the wheels rattling against the stony freeway before navigating onto the four-way lane.

the car ride went quietly, while you waited with bated breath for the questions but they never came. (the) jeongguk was too stunned to speak.

you turned to him after bringing the car to a halt at a red light, “i am sorry your ramyeon got cold.”

“that is your concern?” jeongguk turned to you finally, his left eyebrow twitching.

“what? i know you like it ho-”

“bup bup bup. what just happened, y/n? what was that?”

you sighed, this was bound to happen, “i am a detective gguk, what were you expecting?”

“but you said it’s a desk job. you don’t even own a gun!”

you bit your lip guiltily as your hand twisted around your back to bring out your service revolver, “every night when we are supposed to meet, i take off my gear in the car before coming to you.”

“is that why you never let me come over and insist that we meet at my place?”

you replied via a curt nod as the lights turned green.

“and the dagger too!”

“love...,” you whined lightly, “this is why i never let you undress me so i can check one last time that i am devoid of all weapons.”

jeongguk’s mouth fell open again, “i begged you twice to show me your gun but you insisted that you have a desk job and are not allowed a gun!” his hands reached towards the gun that you kept on the dash, his eyes glowing in excitement.

you slapped his hand away just in time, “it’s bloody loaded, jeon!”

“fine fine!” jeongguk retracted his hands, folding them over his chest in faux annoyance.

the rest of the car ride concluded without any words. you brought the car to a halt outside his apartment and started taking off your seatbelt when jeongguk spoke up again.

“why did you never tell me though? i don’t get it.”

right. the stupid reason.

you clasped your hands in front of your face and hid yourself, letting a muffled growl.

“baby, look at me,” jeongguk grabbed your hands and gently removed them from your face, “why did you hide your job description from me?”

yeah, y/n, why did you hide it?

six months ago:

it has been a while since you got out of your last relationship. you do not necessarily miss your ex but surely miss some of the aspects of being in a relationship. sure, being single has its own perks, especially, the unbound freedom but when you keep coming home to an empty, cold and unwelcoming bed after clocking in long hard hours at work, you are not too sure if the unbound freedom is bringing you the happiness that you crave in life.

exactly the kind of thinking which gave your dumb-albeit-closest friend since childhood the idea to set you up on a blind date.

“tanaz, do we have to do this? i don’t do well on these kinda things.”

“what’s these kinda things? it’s just a date. you’ll do fine, the guy is excited to meet you.” tanaz grinned borrowing a piece of french fries from your plate.

tanaz worked with the government as a joint-auditor where she met her bureaucrat boyfriend, kim taehyung, and it is the friend of the said boyfriend that you have been set up on a blind date with. how rom-com trope-y.

“fine, if i can’t convince you otherwise then at least give me all the details.”

“okay, so his name is jeongguk. he works in the same office as tae, as a technical systems program manager.”

you kept staring at her as she continued on eating, “what? am i just supposed to know what those random words even mean?”

“ugh. remember how in movies the pilots and air controllers always operate according to the air traffic system?”

“uh-huh?”

“this guy’s job is to build and operate the system.”

“so, like, he makes maps? but in the air?”

tanaz deadpanned at that and judging by your face, you were not kidding. you were very much serious with your assumption.

“sweetie, how about you don’t say that tomorrow at the date shall you guys discuss his job.”

“wait, the date’s tomorrow? bruh, tell me more. i need to be prepared.”

“well i don’t know much either. i have only meet him a couple of times,” tanaz chugged down a considerable amount of her lemonade, “oh! oh! oh! he has tattoos on his hand and like as far as i can tell through the full sleeves, they do go up further towards his arm.”

“you are so bad at matchmaking,” you tch’ed.

“what?” she gave you a puzzled look.

you went to explain why this was a bad idea but your pager went off, “uh... seems i have to go. duty calls. also, since he is a friend of your boyfriend’s, i will meet him tomorrow,” you finished your coffee as tanaz grinned at you, “very begrudgingly.”

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

twenty-four hours later, you walked into the same café to find a guy with a tattooed sleeve sitting in one of the corner tables. you just knew that he was the one. and as it turns out, he really was the one.

“hi.”

“hey,” jeongguk’s lips broke into a bunny smile, giving way to his pearly whites as he stood up.

“sorry, i got caught up in work,” you admitted sheepishly, more like you dreaded coming here as it was bound to be a bad idea from the get go.

“not a problem! y/n, right?”

you nodded, avoiding his eyes. he was one handsome motherfucker, that is for sure. he was breath taking even, and you could stare at his aesthetically pleasing face for hours but his whole persona screamed just one word; fuckboy. he even had the tattoos for it and what tanaz clearly missed to mention; multiple ear piercings, an eyebrow piercing and last but not least, a lip piercing. suddenly, you cannot imagine this guy to be sitting inside a government office building, working a nine to five job at building air traffic systems or whatever the hell that means.

“so,” jeongguk rubbed his hands after ordering two coffees, “tanaz told me you are a detective.”

“yeah...” you trailed off, not leaving much space for the conversation to continue on.

“that’s so cool!”

“yeah...”

if you had looked up, you would notice how jeongguk’s smile was growing smaller and smaller when he realized that you were maybe not that interested in him. usually girls are throwing themselves at him but he has never been the one to hook up. he finds the ‘pick me’ girls bothersome, with all their beauty – they surely were annoying and no one has ever managed to sway his heart the right way. even his parents’ friends try to tie him with their daughters or nieces cause he has a good paying government job. and which asian in their right minds does not thirst after the prospects of a government job?

so, when one day, his best friend from high school mentioned about a blind date with a detective (who is presumably the latter’s girlfriend’s best friend) who is a total girl-boss, jeongguk was ecstatic. he could not wait to be blown away by your prowess but you just sat there like a timid rabbit and he has never been more confused. is he doing something wrong?

by the time the waiter came over with the order for coffees, both of you were scrolling through your respective phones to pass the time.

you looked up as the waiter placed your cappuccino in front of you, “thank you,” you smiled at the waiter when jeongguk’s phone started ringing.

the ringtone caused your ears to perk up. you know this music, it was the instrumental version of the official ‘your name’ soundtrack. your favourite slice of life anime and almost anyone’s who has ever watched anime.

after a brief talk, jeongguk ended the call to return to his coffee.

“kimi no nawa?”

jeongguk’s face lit up at the mention as he looked up too to face you, “yeah, i love the anime. the ending makes me cry every time.”

you were a bit taken aback, the first date and this guy is discussing emotional animes with you, “me too! that realization that they lived in different times is heart breaking.”

“but an amazing plot twist by the mangaka!” his eyes shone in excitement.

“oh believe me, on my first watch i did not see that coming at all! what other animes do you like?” you leaned in, a grin on your lips too this time.

“lots, really. lately i have been into jujutsu kaisen.”

your expressions turned into one of pleasant shock because it was the same anime that you have been obsessed with lately, “are you kidding me! i love that anime! i have been obsessed so far. i am even getting into the manga.”

“really? i always mean to read the manga but never got the time plus taehyung is still too much into kimetsu no yaiba so he yaps about that all day.”

“another good anime though. ” you agreed, “tengen uzui can really get some.”

“not you, too,” jeongguk’s smile drooped.

“what? he is hot. sir, i would P A Y to be his fourth wife!”

jeongguk rolled his eyes – man can find the perfect weeb waifu but they are always thirsting after fictional anime men, “why? because he is 6′6″? he has three wives – three hot as hell wives with the br- bazonkas bigger than my paycheck and yet he still keeps taking all the fish in the ocean. i would like him to leave you alone or i am going to have to send some really strong and mean worded DMs to the mangaka.”

you laughed, “bazonkas?”

jeongguk let a nervous laugh, his hand instinctively touching his earrings, “i didn’t want you to think i am a crude guy.”

“aw, how considerate. and wait till you hear about my big ass crush on my man gojou.”

“seriously? what’s with these 6 feet something fictional guys taking the beautiful women!”

you stopped for a second to let the blush fully form on the apple of your cheeks, “you think i am beautiful?”

“i don’t have to think it when it’s a fact,” jeongguk meant to maintain a suave face but ended up blushing too.

the conversation died down for a little bit – giving space for the pair of you to steal glances at each other. on second thought, his tattoos did not look so awful now, they complimented his build quite well and even contrasted his sweet innocent features. he surely knew how to make you laugh so that is a huge green flag.

“i will admit i was not sure about this but you are nice,” you admitted, breaking the silence.

“nice? uzui and gojou get you thirsting after them and all i get is nice? i will have you know i am 5′11″. on a good day, i can tell if it will rain just by smelling the air so high up.”

you broke into laughter again, hands clapping like that of a seal and jeongguk swears it was such an endearing moment that he regrets he isn’t your boyfriend yet otherwise his camera roll would be filled with videos of you laughing so adorably.

“okay, okay, how about this – i like your vibe and would love to go out again?”

“now that’s what i am talking about,” jeongguk raised his cup, “to good anime and new beginnings.”

you let a small laugh; it was cheesy but sweet nonetheless. clinking your cup with his, “hear hear.”

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

the two of you hit it right off the bat after that. there was absolutely no looking back – he was literally the yang to your yin. he was funny, charming, just the right type of humorous which had you laughing like a seal high on weed. you both even liked the same genres of movies, tv shows, animes.

“hey, you never told me how you got the tattoos?” you asked while you two waited in the lobby of overwatch for the matchmaking to finish.

it was your third date. earlier that day, you had just casually mentioned while texting that you like to play multiplayer online games and jeongguk did not take probably a sum-second longer to invite you over to play overwatch. you see it? you are literally the perfect girlfriend he can ever wish for, where have you been all his life?

“oh?” jeongguk scratched the tattoo on his wrist lightly, “i don’t think i remember anymore which was the first one that i got, but i surely remember i got it to spite my parents.”

“why?”

“they wanted me to be a good little boy, studying a lucrative course, landing a government job and just being the perfect doe-eyed asian kid. i said fuck that and got a tattoo on the most visible place ever.”

you chuckled, “and the rest?”

“the biggest one was cause i lost a bet to taehyung. it was the first day of frat and i lost a game of beer pong to that smug asshole,” jeongguk shook his head as if reminiscing the day.

“shut up. you were in a frat? i knew it! such a fuckboy”

“whoa whoa lady. how many fuckboys have you met who had competitions with his best friend over the number of soiled socks stuffed under their beds?”

“whoa, that’s absolutely gross,” your nose scrunched in disgust, “but i appreciate the gesture,” you pat his shoulder and rubbed your palm on your shirt afterwards.

jeongguk sighed dramatically, “i have won, but at what cost?”

and there, he has you laughing again. he was perfect.

however, being you, you kept looking for the ‘catch’. there had to be a catch, how can the universe send you the perfect man who liked you for your intellect, who is understanding and validates your feelings. seems fishy. too good to be true and hence there had to be a ‘catch’ and you were betting that it would be a deal-breaking one since you liked the guy so much.

for your sixth date, jeongguk suggested a re-watch of your name and who are you to say no to such an angelic offer. hell, you would take your pants off even, if that means you can enjoy a warm night with the perfect guy watching your favourite anime. and that is the best part, you do not have to take your pants off – he was just perfect.

mid-way through watching, jeongguk paused the movie, “can i admit something?”

you cleared your throat, turning your gaze to him, “yeah. what’s up?”

“when we, like, hit it off and met for the second date, mentally i heard the bells ring when you walked up to me,” his ears had turned the deepest shade of red with how shy he was feeling admitting to that.

you stayed quiet for a while, lost for words. so there is this guy who thinks he heard the bells like the guy hears from your name anime when he meets the girl. it was, again, too good to be true in your books. he knew just what to say to tug at your heart strings like a violin.

“can i ask you something?” you finally verbalised your thoughts, pulling them out of the confines of your mind.

“of course,” he smiled, his hand advancing to play with your hair.

the slightest touch of his hands and you felt a tingling in the stomach. supressing the urge to burst into confetti, you regained your composure “what do you look for in a partner?”

“i am not sure if there is something i look for in particular,” he replied, brushing your hair back.

“there must be like a thing or two.”

“mm, let’s see,” his eyes never left your lips, “maybe someone that i can protect with all my being like a valiant sword.”

and cue! the perfect image broke into a million pieces. so, this is the catch. the next thing you know, you felt him sneaking up to you – closing the gap between you two – his palms held your face securely before he stole the kiss that he could not stop visualizing. you were a second late to kiss back, but the fervour was duly returned from both the sides. his eyes remained closed while yours remained on his – thinking about he had just said. what you had missed in your overthinking mode was the chuckle that escaped his lips after proclaiming that absurd cliché line.

jeongguk meant it as a joke and he genuinely thought that you got the joke because you get each other’s humour – that is your thing. you always get each other’s dark humour and cliché jokes.

“god, i wanted to do that so bad,” jeongguk admitted sheepishly, his hands never leaving your hair.

you lowered your gaze, rethinking everything based on what he said. the pair of you have not gotten around the part where you discuss each other’s job in detail. he thinks you are just a police officer – what he does not know is that you are trained in martial arts, your specialty is close combat, ‘kali’ style and you have an 9/10 precision at firing a gun. you need no saving, you need no knight in armour – you are the knight in shining armour, which has caused some past breakups. men always feel like they add nothing to the relationship cause you are extremely self-reliant.

you looked up at him again. he was back to watching the anime, his eyes turning glossy as the end neared. his hand which was in your hair had now resorted to resting against your shoulder. it was so welcoming that you just leaned in closer to his embrace and he unconsciously only pulled you closer. your breath fanning his face and you could feel what an amazingly emotional and sensible guy he was. yes, it might have been just a movie to the rest but the symbolization went beyond for you.

you nodded to yourself. maybe you can play the damsel-in-distress for him. it cannot hurt that much? you just have to hide your arsenal, your gun and dagger at all points and act a tad bit weak in front of him. you can do that, it was not rocket science! sure you would be hiding your true self but if that was the cost of being with a guy like jeongguk who just gets you – all your flaws, insecurities, your likes and dislikes, your crappy jokes – you can make this compromise for him. after all the previous heart breaks and trauma, you can do this much because of just how much this doe-eyed man with equally contrasting tattoos brought you true happiness.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

“remember on one of our early dates, you had mentioned that you wanted to be with someone whom you could protect?”

“i did? okay, what about it?” jeongguk asked, unlocking his apartment door as the pair of you walked in.

“yeah, well i wanted to be someone that you could protect. i thought you would leave me once you would discover that i can take care of myself.”

“this is a joke, right? i only said that cause you had this perfect girl image! have you heard yourself? you are so soft spoken and nice and sweet, peak main character energy.”

[𝙟𝙟𝙠 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙖 𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙧] “are you shitting my dick, jeon? my favourite anime character is literally z’enin maki! she annihilated the z’enin clan! all those powerful jujutsu sorcerers with overflowing cursed energy fell at her feet! at the feet of the girl with no cursed energy! she even defeated the misogynistic asshole naoya!”

“Y/N, WHAT THE FUCK, WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT!”

“oh fuck... i forgot you haven’t started that volume yet.”

“how.. how could you do that to me...” with a hand over his chest, jeongguk dramatically took steps back like he was going to fall and leaned against the hallway wall.

[𝙟𝙟𝙠 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙖 𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙧] “well, this is what you get for thinking i was some damsel in distress! you know what? mai dies, too!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN!!! you literally put up that persona by your own choice and misunderstanding cause i was only joking. also, why the fuck are you on the next volume already? i haven’t gotten my copy of the manga yet.”

“i... read it online...”

the look of disbelief on jeongguk’s face was unmatched. his sweet little girlfriend is not only a trained badass but has just betrayed him too. top ten anime betrayals never hurt him like this did, they do not even come close to how he felt.

“you read the new manga behind my back??? what’s more left to unearth? do you like another anime that i am unaware of?”

“love-”

“don’t love me!”

“but i do love you!”

“yeah well, news flash y/n, i love you too!”

and the air fell silent again as the realization hit you both. you just said your first “i love you”s to each other.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

after taking a quick shower and having dinner, you both sat down on the living room couch. jeongguk still seemed peeved about the spoiler and you tried your best to impress him with your knife skills by cutting an onion into slices as thinly as possible but he did not even bat an eye. internally he was gushing but kept it down somehow as he was still pissed at you misunderstanding him like that, hiding your true self and also for spoiling a manga.

although, at the moment he seemed calmer as his head rested on your lap while he scrolled through mindless reels on his phone. suddenly, he lifted his head “can you legally do that though?”

“what?”

“you stabbed those men, baby. is that, like,... legal?”

“eh,” you shrugged, “self defence. also, you were with me so that’s a huge leverage. you are a civilian so i can employ extreme measures to fight off some hired very-much-armed goons.”

“oh..”

“wait, a second. what do you mean i stabbed them? i just poked them a little... at their limbs.”

jeongguk laughed, “yeah right, you poked them just a little.”

“are you scared of me?” your heart physically drooped at the mere thought of it.

“are you serious? that was... hot. like way too hot. i am still blown away. although i do wish i could help you.”

“as much as i would appreciate that, if anything like this ever happens again, you are never to interfere.”

“baby, i train with an expert every week for my boxing lessons.”

“babe,” you cupped his cheeks, the cuts on your palms feeling like thorns against his bare skin, ��you punch at a guy wearing training pads. you practice on a bag full of sand. it’s not the same, plus it’s a lot of mental pressure too. believe me, you don’t want to go to bed at night worrying that you punched or hurt another human being.”

jeongguk’s smile vanished at that, he was just messing around with you but what you said was the truth. he left a chaste kiss to the wound on your thigh before sitting up, “for all your intellect, you sure are dumb for thinking that i meant to be some knight in shining armour.”

“oh my god, jeon jeongguk!!!” you whined loudly, “you are never going to let me live that down, right?”

“never baby, not till i successfully spoil an anime for you,” he grinned, connecting his lips to yours in a soft, intimate kiss.

“i will always be one step ahead of you,” you kissed back, mumbling against his lips as your arms wrapped around his neck.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

“would you let me take care of you, baby?” jeongguk asked in-between pecking your lips after every word, while massaging your thigh with a gentle hand.

“mm, i would like that,” you pecked his lips once more before he shifted to sitting on his knees on the carpet laid in front of the couch. this way he was situated right in front of your closed legs.

he dipped his head down, his breath causing a tingling at your inner thighs as he unwrapped your legs – his lips latching to the skin of your thigh, kissing upwards. with one kiss at a time, he measured the length upwards till your pelvis. sucking soft love bites, he licked the skin after each sucking session. your body felt like it was about to melt into the material of the couch, your spine slouched at the soft yet magnetic sensation between your legs, the nearer his lips got to your pelvis – the more the kisses turned ticklish.

each time his two-days old short stubble brushed against your inner thighs, you suppressed the urge to giggle. your legs moved involuntarily to close and jeongguk let you, choosing to instead suck some love bites onto the side of your thighs. licking a stripe up, he reached the edge of your shorts.

hooking his fingers at the hem, he pulled the shorts down – leaving you in your panties. he dipped his head down again, but this time his head hovered closer to your lap, his teeth sinking into the pelvic bone causing you to squirm. he nibbled on the taut skin before licking stripes along the lines of the panties.

you readjusted your posture when his tongue reached close enough to your heat to give you the feels. your panties had a number of wet patches – your own pre-lubrication paired with his saliva.

once jeongguk was satisfied with the teasing, he hooked his fingers at the hem of the panties this time. he took them off completely, dragging the soiled fabric across the length of your legs. when he reached your foot, he left soft kisses on it while his hand massaged the heel.

“tonight someone else feels more enticing than gojou,” you remarked, your hooded eyes fixed at him and his ministrations.

“baby, he does not even hold a candle to me,” he grinned before spreading your legs – sliding his figure in-between them.

third time is indeed the charm as he dipped his head between your legs for the third time, his fingers finally found their way to your inner folds.

“mm, i’ll be the judge of that.”

he touched you with light strokes of his finger and could feel how slippery yet soft you were for him. a low moan left the confines of your lips, beckoning in his touch with enthusiasm.

jeongguk traced the shape of your outer lips before slipping a finger between them, he could feel the tightness but you were wet enough for the finger to slide in. your moan moved up pitches when he added a second finger.

pumping them in to the hilt, he thrusted them in till the sonorous sound of your sloppy juices echoed in the room.

he pulled out the fingers and licked them clean, “what a rare delicacy.”

you ran your hands on his scalp while he ran his tongue over his lips before bringing them to your inner folds. he let his fingers reach up and around your thighs and down to spread them – allowing his tongue to impale the soaking cunt. the wet muscle traced up and down the entrance before prodding in. he could feel you pressing your cunt further into his face so he reached out his fingers and touched your clit. your body almost jerked at the touch.

jeongguk flattened his tongue and lapped in-between your folds like licking a savoury ice cream. although he has the habit of biting into ice-creams, but for this rare delicacy, as proclaimed by himself, he can make an exception and lick it good like it deserved to. he pulled back to manoeuvre two of his fingers back into your heat. picking up the pace again, jeongguk pumped the two digits in while his tongue explored your soft, inviting folds. he took a mental note of every single noise you made and the intensity of them, too and directed his touches accordingly.

softening the tongue, he flicked it over your folds till it was barely touching you anymore. he moved the tip of his tongue closer to your bundle of nerves, the hardened nub almost reactive to his touch. his tongue touched the firm bump with the softest, gentlest stroke and you felt your spine shuddering at such a light impact.

by the time your fingers started gripping on his hair, he knew you were close so he moved the tip of his tongue quickly back and forth across your clit – softly, barely touching and your moans got louder. you pressed yourself harder onto his tongue to feel that pressure while jeongguk maintained the flickering rhythm, his fingers and tongue in perfect sync. he could feel your cunt clenching rhythmically around his fingers while the moans turned to low growls, grunts and groans. you pressed yourself harder till your body froze. one more flick of his tongue and your legs quivered – the climax hitting you in waves.

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

your tongue lapped up his saliva as it explored his mouth, tasting yourself in his mouth. jeongguk took off his sweatpants breaking from the kiss and then reconnecting the lips after getting rid of the items of clothing one by one.

you felt the space on the couch beside you dipping down as your boyfriend sat down. turning your body to facilitate the kiss better, you cupped his face. it stung at first against your injuries but the way his body warms you up, the sting disappeared within mere moments.

innumerable fluttering pecks later, jeongguk pulled back to grab something. you licked your swollen lips before biting them, your legs pulled closer at the sight of jeongguk’s throbbing cock. he tore open the packet of condom with his teeth before sliding the latex over his length. his tattooed hand pumped his length from the base as he affixed the latex. the sight was too mouth-watering to not just on his lap and feel the length poking at your thigh and that is exactly what you did – you sat up on your knees before crawling to his open lap and sat down facing him, your knees on either of him. jeongguk’s free hand moulded around the small of your back while he guided the tip of your length to your puffy entrance.

“always so tensed,” jeongguk tsk’ed, “release the tension, baby,” he tapped your thigh.

you raised your body to move your seated legs. now you were face-to-face with him; your chest to his chest, your eyes to his eyes, the noses brushing as you extended your feet only to wrap them around his seated waist.

“i love feeling this close to you,” you breathed him in, your body bracing the penetration.

“you feel so good all pressed against me,” jeongguk pushed his length in, the tip impaling further – rubbing against your clummy walls which swallowed them right in.

you brushed behind a chunk of his hair that had fallen over his eye. his forehead was sweaty so you wiped it with the back of your palm before connecting your forehead with his.

jeongguk’s thrusts were slow and drawn out, his length exploring every inch inside your walls, taking its sweet time. his hands were against your lower back, yours; on his shoulders. your fingers dug into the clavicles each time he added a deep thrust in the mix. after every such thrust, he stopped inside of you to let you feel the pulsing of his cock. it throbbed inside before jeongguk dragged it out along the ridges of your walls, only to drive it home again. 

︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

key:

kimi no nawa: your name

jjk = jujutsu kaisen: sorcery fight

kimetsu no yaiba: demon slayer

jeongguk’s ringtone: ‘sparkle’ OST of ‘your name’

mangaka: writer/illustrator/author of a manga (japanese comic books)

feedback is deeply appreciated.✨

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- jaimie

© 𝟫𝟫𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓇𝓈, 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟤. 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃.