#it wouldn't make sense but also im fucking suffering

[dailykugisaki]

Day 318 | id In alt

I just think they're neat.

[chatterbox-juice]

GOVERNMENTS! LEADERSHIPS! WOO!! i hate politics but Jamaa having a flag (last time I checked) suggests that there's some type of government or organization right?? like, yeah the jammatians could've just joined together and said something like "we stand together forever" but no. nah. no thank you. SO, i haven't thought about fully implementing this yet, but i kinda want to? hear me out; the lands of Jamaa have different pseudo-governments and cultures. there's only so much you can do in a game that [was] focused about educating kids the alphas don't count here k? Jamaa Township has a council-based "government;" the alphas make decisions. Township is a jack-of-all-trades thing, anyone from anywhere lives there, so the culture is one big loving doting hug of complete fuckery. Nothing makes sense except the things that do. A leopard runs the news station alongside a penguin. A great horned owl is playing the orchestra on top of the diamond shop. Jam Mart is always empty, a room filled with nothing but pillows exists, it's always crowded and nobody knows personal space even if it gutted them. It just makes sense. Appondale and Kimbara, which are in a territory dispute in my rewrite, both have a vague government structure following the same thing; battle. Appondale and Kimbara both LOVE battle, but in different ways. Appondale, and every other land, by default, also has the alphas that live there in charge (ex. Atlas and his pride, Olive, Biff, etc.) Outside of that "official" government, it's a chieftain system. Tribes in Appondale are somewhat isolated. News gets around, but everyone wants to be left alone outside of events. A gathering for something and other happens, Appondalians (?) celebrate and build camaraderie, and then the camaraderie is basically forgotten about when they retreat to their respective tribes, families, etc. Kimbara, being a smaller land in my rewrite, dabbles in military aristocracy. Protection is NEEDED, and since Kimbara is so bare, warlords are celebrated instead of regular chieftains. Tactical brilliance on the battlefield is what earns you respect. If you have a good sturdy build in Kimbara, use it! They're probably more interconnected because of this. Not necessarily hosting meetings per say, but maybe just little things, like marriages between different tribes. Castes most likely exist in families because of this, we'll see.

Being a warlord's offspring isn't earning you any leverage in Kimbara; blood is as thick as water until it's on the ground. Meritocracy but not really but actually kind of.

In Appondale, blood means everything, to the point of family heads being the ones who call the shots for the land, especially noticeable in Atlas' pride, where obviously the males/head of the family is in charge.

also here's proof about my au's map im transferring it to digital rn

[starrynights-sunnyskies]

as the flowers bloom, my heart does too ⋆*·ﾟmisa x putellas!femreader, social media au, (7/-)

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when your relationship ends and all you want to do is hide and cry, flowers suddenly start to appear on your doorstep.

or; misa hating to see a pretty girl cry and suffer and going out of her way to cheer her up while staying anonymous

fic: see my masterlist 🤍

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yourusername: hello madrid 🌼 Liked by sofie.svava, frejaolofssonn, ona.battle and 1,289 others

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ingridengen Sweetest girl!!

username1 😮

marialeonn16 Floraaaa mi favoritaaa 😎

sofie.svava Yay, the princess has arrived! 👼🎀

albaps9 oh dear is the car still ok ↳ yourusername i'm a better driver than you ↳ albaps9 iM a bETtER dRiVeR THAn yOu ↳ yourusername you can't even drive manual 😙

janafernandez3 Aw, what beautiful flowers!! 😍 ↳ claudiaapina from her 'secret' admirer, I bet! ↳ jennihermoso Cough, secret admirer turned girlfriend, cough! ↳ ona.battle They're so goals together 😭 ↳ patri8guijarro Uhhh, you know who SHE is?!!! ↳ ona.battle 🤷‍♀️ ↳ __cata13 HOW ↳ janafernandez3 Just a little common sense, girls 😅 ↳ keirawalsh hasn't it been obvious right from the start or do i just spend too much time on social media to have seen it all happen? 😳 ↳ aitanabonmati The last one, you clown 😁

marisabel_rguez Have fun in Madrid, YN! Hope you have a good time 😎 ↳ yourusername ass 🤣

username2 hello, more MisaxYn content? 🤞

username3 Driving six hours to Madrid for funsies?.... hmmm I wonder why 😳 ↳ username4 she could've just taken the train but ok ↳ username5 Maybe the u-haul was already filled to the brim so she decided to bring the rest herself 🤭 ↳ username6 👀 ↳ username7 uhhh they wouldn't, would they? ↳ username5 Oh, but they might! 😌 ↳ username7 🕵️‍♀️🧐

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Text Messages

ale 🐻 You post a picture before telling me you've arrived? I love you pero can you please stop worrying me like that. I called you like so many times. ale 🐻 I just had the most nerve wracking seven hours of my life, you know?? you ○○○ you ALE you im okay im okay! you fuck i'm so sorry, my phone died and then i arrived and misa and sofie took me in and they immediately took me out to eat and i just kind of forgot im so so so so so so so sorry and i love you the most in the whole entire world. you're the best sister ever and i'm the luckiest shithead there is. t'estimo, t'estimo, t'estimo!!!! ale 🐻 Bé, I was just really worried about you, I didn't like not hearing anything from you. You're my whole world, too. Next time make sure it's fully charged when you know you'll go out for a long time. What would you have done if you had needed help? Not saying this to scare you, but you know that. So, how was the drive? Did you at least take a few breaks? you boring, lots of rain and traffic. aaaand no breaksies because i didn't want to arrive in the middle of the night bc the traffic had set me back some hours. misa has a game tomorrow and i didn't want her to lose any sleep 😅 ale 🐻Next time you take regular breaks, yes? I'm sure Misa would understand and want the same. Can you please Facetime mami? you i will. petons to you all and olga 😘 you and nala! Delivered

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↳ 6h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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Direct Messages albaps9 corrupting the missus to support real madrid, i see? misa, are you even trying to get along with alexia? 😂 marisabel_rguez Jeje 😆 Had to show her a little bit of our Madrid culture, of course! It's tradition to attend a game! albaps9 in the putellas household, it's also tradition to support barca, so have fun holding onto your head! albaps9 no, but all jokes aside. i might not have said this to you in person yet, but i want you to know how happy i am that you're with my sister. i don't think anyone else could've pulled her out of the deep end and love and treat her the way she deserves. you made her see her own worth again, believe that she was deserving of all the good things, and gave us our girl back. i'll never be able to properly thank you, but i want you to know how grateful we all are nonetheless. marisabel_rguez Thank you for telling me. But you don't need to thank me for doing all that. I love her, it's only normal that I treat her accordingly. She's my entire world, Alba. albaps9 i still don't think you realise how much your love and care for her means to her and the rest of us, and how it has impacted us as a family. but remember that we're proud to call you family too. okay? albaps9 unless you hurt her and end up destroying all the progress she's made, maria isabel. then i'll fucking come for you and alexia won't be your only problem. marisabel_rguez I would expect you to do so then! She's really lucky with you two. She loves you very much, so I'm also happy to be part of your circle. albaps9 🥹🥹 okay but you don't even seem the slightest bit intimidated? 🤣 marisabel_rguez Oh no, I know you're bark and bite! I just know I don't have to be afraid because that worst case scenario will never happen! albaps9 thank you misa ❤️

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tagged: marisabel_rguez, frejaolofssonn, carolinemoller_, haleyraso, yourusername sofie.svava: Supporting the boys with my favourite madridistas Liked by claudia.zornoza, carolineweir95, haleyraso and 12,493 others

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frejaolofssonn Gooooooaaaaal golgolgolgolgol 🤩

carolineweir95 Supporting the men but wearing Misa jerseys, I'm so here for it haha ↳ sofie.svava Someone insisted 🙊 liked by marisabel_rguez ↳ marisabel_rguez And we couldn't resist her! liked by yourusername

username1 Did sofie just... ↳ username2 Yes 😭😬😬😬 ↳ username3 she's removed yn from the tags now 🤭 ↳ username1 Too late man lmao

claudia.zornoza Vamos 💪🏼

haleyraso 💅🏽

username4 it sure is real love if someone raised on barca sets even one foot inside santiago bernabeu and it's not in the away-section liked by 12 others

username5 The Misa appreciation is spreading 😛 ↳ username6 and rightly so!! ↳ username7 I wonder who's behind that 🧐👀

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marisabel_rguez: Happy life. Liked by albaps9, bff2, jennihermoso and 18,329 others

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username1 we know who this is why dont u just tag her lmao srsly ↳ username2 Honestly, do they truly still think they're being slick 🤦‍♀️ ↳ username3 I don't even get the point in keeping it private, like what's the big deal? ↳ username4 maybe they just don't care but don't want to indulge people like you all

marialeonn16 😊

albaps9 ❤️ ↳ albaps9 but that tush will always be mine 😭

sofie.svava 💖

haleyraso Awww

username7 I love how they're slowly growing more comfortable letting the world in ):

sofiajakobsson 😘

bff1 ummm hey? hands to yourself. she's still my snookums until she officially has your last name 🤣 liked by alexiaputellas ↳ yourusername omg stop embarrassing me ↳ marisabel_rguez ✋🏽😳🤚🏽

ingridengen The sweetest together!

salmaparalluelo 😍

jennihermoso 👀

username4 You forgot the other half of the caption ↳ username5 Happy wife, happy life? ↳ username4 Ding-ding-ding! ↳ username6 don't think they'll get married so long as alexia is still lurking in the background 🤣

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yourusername: madrid, you were good to me!! (plus a little surprise i discovered at the petrol station on my way home. te amo mas que a la vida en sa) Liked by bff3, fridolinarolfo, haleyraso and 2,499 others

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albaps9 hmmm i wonder whyyyy liked by yourusername

salmaparalluelo Pls yn confirm that you-know-who and the anonymous admirer are the same person!! ↳ jennihermoso 👀 ↳ yourusername hehe ↳ janafernandez3 !!!!!!!!!!!!! ↳ ona.battle We want to know 😱 ↳ marialeonn16 Oh, but we know 😌 ↳ ingridengen yup!! ☺️ ↳ jennihermoso 👀 ↳ ona.battle ???

username1 the note in the car is the cutest 😔

username2 I want a Misa too, care to loan her out?

alexiaputellas Proud of you and how strong you are. You kept fighting and look at you now. You deserve all this happiness, ma germana petita. T'adoro. ↳ yourusername t'estimo tant tant tant

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yourusername: feliç diada de sant jordi, la meva gent🌹 Liked by ingridengen, alexiaputellas, albaps9 and 940 others

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marisabel_rguez Horrible choice of clothing, I should give you some of my shirts to wear ↳ yourusername you're acting as if half of them aren't already at my place ↳ marisabel_rguez Right where they should be 😉

bff1 feliç sant jordiiii

begovargas 🌹

alexiaputellas 🌹📖🐉🌹

marisabel_rguez And I love when you speak Catalan!!!! liked by yourusername

janafernandez3 feliç sant jordi, el meu amic 🌹

aitanabonmati Feliç Sant Jordi, YN!

claudiaapina feliç sant jordi! 😊

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↳ 5h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story ↳ 4h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story ↳ 1h ago: marisabel_rguez added to their story

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marisabel_rguez: este camiseta 💪🏼 Liked by yourusername, sofie.svava, realmadridfem and 14,398 others

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alexiaputellas Visca Barca!!!!! ↳ yourusername be nice... 🤨

yourusername oh wow black is your colour too 🤭 ↳ yourusername (keeping the rest of my thoughts to myself bc alexia's lurking here) ↳ alexiaputellas Yes, behave... 🤨

sofie.svava looking gewd amiga!!! 😇

realmadridfem Nuestro orgullo 💪🏼🤩

haleyraso ✨👏

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username1: o-oka…okay.. ma’am 😳 Liked by username2, yourusername, username3 and 548 others

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username2 lucky person who gets to keep her ↳ username3 @/yourusername 👋 ↳ username12 how shallow of you ↳ username2 she's gorgeous??? and look at that smile 😪 ↳ username4 don't act like you didn't see the other two pics 🤥

username3 LOL HI YN

username4 yn we see you liking 🤣 ↳ username3 I can just imagine her kicking her feet and giggling

username1 okay i understand yn now ↳ username2 And you didn't before?!!?!? liked by 25 others ↳ username3 SHAME

yourusername 🤩🥹😳 liked by 120 others ↳ username5 and i oop- ↳ username10 🤣😭 ↳ username11 pls fangirl again it gave us life last time ↳ username6 girl don't hold back, we know what you're thinking ↳ username2 Alexia isn't here now, come on, let it go 🤭

username6 Misaaa

username7 😣

username8 🤯

username9 Hahaha Misa in that suit summoned yn again ↳ username10 can you blame her? 😱 ↳ username11 everything about that picture is making me swoon!

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yourusername: girl's trip to celebrate one of my besties getting married!!!! Liked by albaps9, bff2, bff3 and 5,439 others

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bff1 what happens in croatia stays in croatia

bff2 💃👩‍👩‍👧‍👧

username1 😍

judebellingham 😁😎 liked by 230 others

alexiaputellas Sunscreen! 😅 ↳ bff3 Don't worry, I'm on it! 😊 ↳ alexiaputellas 😊

username1 i want a friend group like that </3 ↳ username2 fr

albaps9 jealous!!

marisabel_rguez 😣

bff3 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

jennihermoso Guapa!

begovargas Sunflower in human form! 🌻

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Text Messages

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17:48 m 💌 I hope you're having a great time together. Don't forget to drink enough if you're out in the sun a lot! (And I don't mean alcohol, jajaja) ✓ m 💌 Ah, no... pls don't tell me you fell asleep in the sun again ☹️ m 💌 I have to go now so I'll call you later tonight. Te amo mas que nadie and take care!! ✓ 22:36 m 💌 Just saw your post. Are you trying to make me miss you even more? I miss seeing your gorgeous face, it always makes me so happy seeing you. m 💌 You know it’s been torture not having you around, right? m 💌 I miss you so much, YN ✓✓ you i miss you too, my love. the most. i'll be back before you know it! more rested than ever 😚💅🏽 and don't worry, i didn't fall asleep. we were on a boat! i'll tell you more in a bit on the phone. you soon we’ll see each other again, vale? we can go on a trip of our own. for now, just try not to miss me too much 😘 you sent you a photo ▼

m 💌 ○○○ m 💌 Oh, you fucking did not! you oh but i fucking did tho 🥺🥺🥺🙃 m 💌 YN. you si, chula? you ○○○ you misa? you i'm sorry you ☹️ Delivered

Incoming call m 💌

accept

"Are you alone right now?"

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a/n: wishing you the sweetest start of your week! i hope someone does something nice for you and if not, then here's a flower from me to you already 🌻

[ghouldtime]

*slides into the DMS*

S O. What does social anxiety for König look like through your fantastic characterization then? 👀

(Love your Alone operator series btw. Got me on the edge of my seat with each chapter!!)

(Thank you!! 💚💚💚 I'm so glad you're enjoying :D you all have been so so sweet with it and Im over the MOON so many people have liked it)

To answer this question I'm going to have to be a biiig yapper and explain why I think of him the way I do

Going to say this to start, but I'm going with the true fact that König is indeed diagnosed with social anxiety - anything else I'm saying is based off of my personal interpretation of how he acts in game as a disclaimer

I'm also going to state that personally, the König I write is in his lower to mid 40's. Sorry not sorry, I don't see him as a young dude. Especially not when it's pretty much agreed upon that he's a colonel. So he's had a SIGNIFICANT amount of life experience, and a significant amount of time to work on himself and have introspection.

To me, it makes the most sense that he was diagnosed with social anxiety earlier on in his childhood since it was significantly more obvious when he was younger. Something that severe wasn't unnoticed by those around him because some of them did care about him. It's also stated he's suffered from severe social anxiety throughout his life so that's how I took it.

I personally go with he grew up in a more rural town in his homeland of Austria, which meant there weren't exactly others around during the first few years. "Go play with the neighbors kids" didn't really work when there weren't neighbors around. It was mainly him and his parents and an occasional relative over.

What could be brushed off as initial shyness clearly couldn't be anymore when he finally was enrolled in school.

Even on the first day when it's "introduce yourself to everyone", he fucked that up so monumentally it'll be engraved forever in his hall of shameful memories that he thinks about late at night. School was an utter nightmare, quite frankly, from moment one. The whole situation was too much, too stressful, and too different from the life he had at home. He flat out refused to get up and present in front of the class and wouldn't talk in group projects just for the fear of embarrassing himself. At that time, he was hitting all the indicators for social anxiety like they're the targets he shoots at today.

He missed out on a lot of interaction with other kids initially because of how awkward he was - and having any form of anxiety never helps in social situations. Talking to others wasn't something that came naturally and his own panic amplified it tenfold. Most times, he'd either pretend he didn't hear them, avoid them, or stray as far to the edge of the group as possible to avoid it. Unfortunately this made him an easy target because kids are RUTHLESS and turned him into even more outcast as well which only worsened it.

School always sucked for him due to that, despite the fact that he was a smart kid. No amount of smarts could save you from social persecution when you had nearly no social skills to boot. [ side note but I'm dying on the hill that he's incredibly intelligent and has a bachelors degree (at the very least)].

His parents kept him in therapy to help him manage because without it, he'd be back at square one refusing to go to school and faking a cold just to get out of it. And of course, therapy is a very important tool when it comes to healing, coping, and managing severe mental disorders. The whole reason why he doesn't show such bad anxiety anymore is because he kept the skills he learned and applies them so much that it becomes his second nature.

He's had at least 35 years of this, he's good enough to mask and to keep up his facade.

Another part of why he doesn't show it nearly as much is because he joined the military and was thrown through the wringer with it. Being bullied for so long was a major motivator for joining in the first place, as he needed something to get away from the peers who tormented him so and he needed a new life where he wasn't known as target #1. But he ALSO wanted to gain actual confidence and more certainty in himself.

Joining the military really means you're not left with such things as many choices when it comes to anxiety in social situations. You're forced into quarters with others, have to work side-by-side, do nearly everything together, so on and so forth. He knew that going in but at that point for him it was like extreme exposure therapy, the last step he needed to really put everything he learned in therapy to work.

That doesn't mean he didn't suffer or loved it. No, it was terrible, intense, and nerve-wracking. But he wouldn't have done it otherwise if he didn't want that. Being in the military didn't give him the leeway to avoid what made him anxious, it taught him to face it head on and fight.

Now that he's up there in age and has considerable more experience (and leeway with having a higher rank), the ways he expresses it [look at me finally answering the question] are more subtle.

On the field, you're likely not going to notice it. Because that's him turning the little auto pilot switch in his mind to on when he has a job. The job is his focus and everything has been so engrained in his mind that it's muscle memory. He's, quite frankly, focused on not dying and getting any job done over himself. The joking you often hear him do and taunting alike is part of how he's expressing the confidence he feels when he's in his element, when he KNOWS what he is doing.

If you look closely or approach him off the field, however, it's another story. He usually tenses or straightens himself out when people approach and will hold that until they leave (unless they're someone who he truly knows). Many assume that's a taught habit of the military, but that's only half-true. He did that before then.

Unlike when he's working, he doesn't have a guide or things he knows he has to do in a specific order to best ensure survival - no matter how much talking to other people feels like the heat of the battle, you can't (legally) solve it with a gun or throw a frag and book it out of there. There's no true guide to social interactions and that stresses him out. There's no manual, no field guide, no ten step card on how to successfully navigate them.

He knows things that are normal to say, he knows sometimes what he should say - it's just a matter of finding the phrasing and how to say them. Yet it seems like whenever someone doesn't follow his pre-programmed line of thought when it comes to their talking, his mind can shut down and go blank as he stares, trying to figure out where to go or what to say (spoiler: it usually doesn't end well).

He's usually awkward to talk to because he's running over everything in his head as he tries to think of what best to say to avoid further interactions or ones that could be more targeting to him. And, as mentioned, he lacks the average set of social skills that plenty learn in childhood because he didn't have that proper socialization. He's also still not the best at talking itself and can be blunt and to-the-point, which also doesn't usually go down well.

Not to mention, he's bad at small talk and has a terrible, sarcastic sense of humor that many can't read and it quickly turns things uncomfortable very fast because everyone takes him seriously. It never helps he usually doesn't explain himself all too well, usually leaving it as is as he secretly wishes he didn't talk at all when mortification sets in. Hurrying away with an excuse of some paperwork or something else to busy himself is his go-to after those.

When possible, he'll avoid small-talk and greatly prefers gestures instead. Someone who can appreciate his greater need for silence and a lack of talking is someone who he will greatly appreciate in turn. He's a firm believer that not all silences are uncomfortable and sometimes, it IS best not to say anything at all.

Due to his childhood too, he's not really fond of being around many people and will do his best to avoid it. Unless he has to grin and bare it, he won't. He finds his mind calmest when he can just be himself without having to worry about saying the right things to appease others or to be friendly. That way he can focus on what he wants, think how he wants, and feels how he wants without second guessing himself or having to worry about existing.

He's going to avoid most public settings when possible. Though he can now suitably manage his anxiety, they're something he passes up on. Grocery store trips are something he does maybe once a week or two, if that - stock piling so he has to go to the store less is his usual strategy. Anything he can do himself, he WILL do himself, if he doesn't have a trusted person who can do it better or can help.

Notably, he also doesn't have many friends. He's like talking to a brick wall and unless you're considerably persistent and understanding of his need for space, you won't get far. A lot of people don't have the time nor patience for it, but if you do get close to him, he does come out of his shell. He appreciates anyone who cares enough to actually get close to him and get to know him despite how awkward he can be, and will be loyal to the end because of that.

Another side effect is that he doesn't sleep well. Between the massive amounts of trauma from his job and the trauma from his childhood, he doesn't sleep well as is. But the social anxiety aspect comes into play because many nights, his mind is rerunning all the interactions he's had as he chronically overthinks them. He always wonders what he could've done, how he could've improved, and what they're thinking of him (even if they're someone he may never run into again). Its very hard for him to shut his mind off and doing such usually requires him drowning everything else and making himself not think about that, or anything, any more.

[Another side note: He's an avid reader. Reading gives him new things to think about and can help put him to sleep, especially before bed. It's a good way for him to stop thinking about whatever was nagging him and shifts his mind into thinking about other things he enjoys instead)

Basically, IN SHORT this isn't my full in-depth detailed characterization of exactly who I think he is - the reason he's not presenting it as an anxious ball of pure energy who is so uwu shy and soft is because he is incredibly well-managed with his severe social anxiety at his age and that's uh, just not him. Social anxiety doesn't mean he's a blubbering mess or will cry at the slightest inconvenience and reducing him to that or treating anyone with social anxiety like they're a child because of it does not help at alllll.

He's had extensive therapy for this, he's got his methods, he can mask very well. He's a WHOLE GROWN MAN who is responsible for not only his actions but how he manages his emotions and he knows it. But if you know him and know what to look for, you'll be able to pick it up.

(Also the sheer amount of scenarios I've seen where people think he just would... cry if you took his mask off??? Him???? HIM???? König, "I can make you talk, where are they?" the skilled PMC operator? That one? That guy? Yeah no, anyone dumb enough to do that better have signed their will prior or hopefully has an intensive love for scrubbing all the floors with a single old toothbrush. He won't tolerate people harassing or hustling him or pressing on his nerves. Sure, it reminds him of his childhood bullies, but quite frankly that behavior as grown adults trying that is RIDICULOUS, it pisses him off and immediately lowers his opinion on them.)

To whoever made it this far, I hope this made sense, I took melatonin before I got the ask so I'm in another realm right now LMAO. König is one of my favorites and was the first character I realllly really loved and I just hate seeing him done so dirty. Especially as someone with severe social anxiety myself, it irritates me when it's portrayed just so... wrong and quite frankly, in a lazy, offensive manner lacking any nuance especially in relation to the character who has it. Like just making him stutter and cry isn't all social anxiety is and there's SO much depth and things to work with despite the... actual substance as far as his bio goes

[firesnap]

i have a genuine question. i promise i am not at all trying to defend him. ive dropped him entirely, literally deleted everything i had of him and unliked his songs.

ive just been wondering like considering that he has been in therapy, and also considering how if he does take a year off and then comes back, why cant it be redeemable? like cant people change? cant we give them second chances? he is 27. is he just doomed to be an abuser forever?

its just scary and im asking as like a younger person who is in my very early 20s. i know ive made mistakes. i know ive not been a good partner or friend sometimes. (and yes i was also abusive to a past partner...im not proud of it and ive learned from it. i have never ever touched anyone in that way after that. it took awhile but my current relationship isnt toxic and i would never hurt anyone or hit them again yknow?) and it scares me that people keep insinuating that he is irredeemable. like cant abusers change and become better? dont they get second chances? if shelby has grown and healed in 10 months wouldn't it be fair to say the same for wilbur?

im just genuinely asking because based on everything i believe you are older than me and im looking for guidance and just...idk im scared. growing up on the internet has made me so scared of making mistakes and doing anything wrong because when it happens to others i look up to, its always treated as something they'll never be able to change or improve. makes me feel like imma just be a horrible person forever because i made mistakes in the past.

This is a really complicated question that multiple answers can validly fit.

I don't think, personally, that anyone is irredeemable. I think everyone is on a journey of forgiveness and some of us may need more grace than others.

This is tw// abuse even more than the current topic, but my mom was incredibly abusive. We lived in a very rural area and she had a lot of undiagnosed problems and trauma of her own that created a pressure pot of issues. After I was born, she suffered through full on post-partum psychosis that nearly ended about as well as that sentence implies it could have. She was incredibly violent, controlling, and cruel for years. My sister went no-contact with her the second she turned 18. A significant event occurred that eventually spurned her into seeking real treatment that lasted for years. It's still ongoing.

My sister is also still no contact and I support her decision 100%. Those are her wounds and what she needed to do to get peace should be respected. I decided I wanted a relationship with the person who came out of all that work and, even then, it's been hard. I don't know if she's redeemed herself, and my god do we still have bumps in the road, but I support her for trying.

With Wilbur, how he responds to this is going to really impact a lot of things. I mean, I know no matter how he responds I won't be going on whatever journey of redemption and healing he has to go through. I'm tired and I feel hurt enough. I would think, if he wanted to show he was sincere, admitting what happened would be a great sense of closure for a lot of people who put time and energy and faith into this guy for years.

Not every person that causes harm is inherently evil, but there has to be some kind of knowledge that you're aware of the harm you've caused. No one is stuck as anything forever, life is constantly moving, and most people aren't saying his life is just over. You can work on yourself. You can change. And I'm saying that specifically to you, anonymous.

(Saying this, actually, there ARE people who would argue once you've done x you're beyond redemption based entirely on their life experiences as a victim, personal histories and many other factors. Kinda like my sister, that's their choice. And you have to accept that sometimes you fuck up so badly that you will permanently lose some people from your life. But your life isn't over.)

But I do think, regardless of what he says or does about this, his time of controlling a large platform is at an end. He can still do a lot of things in his life after he works on himself -- editing, song producing, directing, writing or whatever -- but being in charge of a large impressionable audience that could enable more destructive behaviors is just not it.

[nopanamaman]

constantly pondering how katya would text it haunts my every moment. bc she SEEMS like the type to like. idk. type like she’s chronically online. BUT SHES NOT CHRONICALLY ONLINE IM PRETTY SURE theres no REASON she would be it makes ZERO SENSE. so i was like fuck would his 13 year old type with like actual grammar in casual texts thats horrifying. but the MORE i think about it how much would the zone even bother to teach i remember it being siad somewhere they were taught to read (i dunno about writing? i dont recall and im too lazy to check) but like. would they be taught actual like perfect grammar. how much would they even have to read to like actually get a grasp on how words r spelled. since mainly u figure out how their spelled through seeing and idont know if inhumane experiment zones have books for those subjects to read.

i assume not? either way, id assume she’d have been taught the basics, like punctuation and capital letters but probably not the intricacies of it and she wouldnt like. know how typing online works and how people dontlike proper grammar so now im imagining proper punctuation and capitalization from some hyper barely a teenager who cant spell half the words shes typing and i cant get over it.

please help my suffering how does kt type

you're asking the real questions anon

let's start with the fact that the facility wouldn't want to give its residents access to social media, and the list of websites they can visit in computer rooms is strictly curated. so Katya having any awareness of zoomerspeak or Internet slang is highly unlikely

she also isn't especially well read or educated, so her regular speech - and ESPECIALLY her written speech - is anything but grammatically correct. or rather, her speech sounds fine, but her punctuation and spelling are abysmal. Katya also absolutely butchers more complicated words, but tries to use them regardless because they are fancy.

and lots of emojis. Lots of em.

[shalomniscient]

hihi sev! i adore ur work sm oml can i req an enemies to lovers with zoya? :D (pretty basic im sorry auahag)

but imagine, reader in a rival gang or maybe she’s a salva doctor. but either way they DESPISE each other. a heated battle or argument eventually blooms into sexual tension?? (i’m so bad at wording this i apologize)

OH ANON I HAVE IDEAS (or well. one idea specifically BUT I CAN WAFFLE) FOR THIS ONE 👀👀👀

what is this feeling? || zoya x reader

cw. petnames (princess), sexual tension (?)

notes. yeah this is based on that wicked song. also made this sft sorry anon 😔😔😔 also i went with salva doctor because if you were a rival gang leader, well. i think zoya would simply just kill you fhskskdjjs i hope this fits ur expectations anon

You always knew following your sister to Syndicate was going to be difficult. The people would always distrust you, and with good reason. Eastside has brought them nothing but pain and suffering, so why should they trust two doctors from there? For a while, SALVA was mostly empty, but soon enough, through word and action the unofficial hospital's reputation improved, and more and more people flocked to its doors—including gang members. Your sister had simply shrugged when you asked her about it.

"It's good that they're starting to trust us," she'd said over a bowl of instant noodles. "Even the gang members. At least, when they turn into Corruptors, I can use them to study Mania."

And that had been the end of that conversation. And she'd mostly been right about trust in SALVA spreading, though with one notable exception: the Commander of the Legion, Zoya. Ever since first showing up to the hospital, Zoya has never let herself be treated within SALVA. She lets her subordinates be treated, but avoids it herself. Which you wouldn't much care about, if she weren't so irritating.

She is, truly, insufferable. You'd rather deal with one of those Yagyu or Red Falcon pricks—at least they have the sense to shut up and follow your orders so you can treat them properly.

Zoya, on the other hand, simply refuses to even acknowledge the absolutely horrendous gash on her arm, as if it would simply disappear if she continues to act nonchalantly as she stands against the wall of the emergency room, a watchful eye on your nurses and assistants as they patch up her subordinates. She also has a particular habit of calling you everything but your title or your name.

You pinch the bridge of your nose and exhale a long-suffering sigh. "Can you sit down so I can actually stitch you up?"

Zoya offers you a look from down her nose, and you hate how ridiculously tall she is. Really, what the hell did she eat growing up to become that absurdly tall?

"I'll pass, princess," she hums, and you grit your teeth.

"It's doctor," you snap. "And it wasn't a request."

Zoya rolls her eyes. "And I told you already, princess. I'm fine, I don't need your help."

"You are bleeding all over my ER walls, for fuck's sake."

"Tragic," the gang leader drawls, and you swear your jaw creaks from how hard you're clenching it. With a snarl, you spin on your heel and stomp towards a nearby tray of equipment, grab some gauze, saline, thread and a needle before marching right back. Zoya arches a brow, then makes a sharp hissing noise as you unceremoniously pour out the saline onto the gash on her arm.

"What the hell?" she growls, moving to step away from the wall, before you grab her wrist and her eyes narrow. She stills, but not in agreement. No, this is the stillness of a predator before it pounces on its prey. You swallow despite the thick atmosphere, and just your chin out, meeting her dangerous gaze with as much stubbornness as you can muster.

"I am going to treat you," you say firmly, "whether you like it or not."

You think Zoya might’ve killed you right then and there, were it not for the jovial laughter of some of her legionnaires. One of them, a large, burly man with two nurses trying to wrap his bicep with a bandage, places a hand on his knee and chuckles.

“The pipsqueak has fire to her, eh Boss?” he says, and your brow twitches. Are members of the Legion simply allergic to referring to people other than their Commander by their proper titles? “Just siddown and let her patch you up. It ain’t fair that we get to feel better while our Boss isn’t in tip-top shape, ain’t it fellas?”

The other legionnaires in the room yell their agreement, and you would’ve had a headache from the sheer disorder in your ER room right now, but finally seeing Zoya’s stone facade crack and the slightest hint of a genuine smile bloom across her face made it all well worth it. She crosses her arms, then sighs.

“Fine,” she acquiesces, then turns to you. “But make it quick, princess.”

You scoff. “Don’t worry. I don’t plan on spending that much time on you either.”

Zoya snorts, then strides over to an empty hospital bed, and plops herself onto it. She braces her injured arm palm down on the bed, extending it so you can stitch it properly while you pull the privacy curtain around the bed. You chance a glance at her face while she’s focused on looking at her wound, and though she has an excellent stone face, you notice the slightest furrow in her brow—so the legendary Legion Commander can feel pain, after all.

You grab a stool and sit by the edge of the bed, then get to work. Zoya barely reacts beyond the slightest twitch of a muscle in her jaw as you continue cleaning the wound with saline. You can feel her gaze on you as you wipe the wound down with gauze, then start the first few stitches.

“Why are you doing this?” she asks, after a while. “Here, in Syndicate? This isn’t a place for pretty little things like you.”

Despite the harshness of the question, there is no malice in her voice. It is simply a question, one she’s right to ask. You don’t stop your stitching as you reply.

“I’m helping my sister.”

Zoya’s palm shifts on the bed, causing the muscles in her arm to flex. You pause, waiting for her to still again so you can stitch properly. “That’s all? So Syndicate’s a little family project to you?”

“Stop moving,” you growl. “And no, it isn’t. I’m helping my sister, but I’m also helping people like you who delight in making my life difficult.”

Zoya scoffs at that, fingers digging into the thin linen sheets of the bed. You can feel her gaze turn into a glare, but you don’t care. Zoya’s never liked you, anyway. She respects your sister—and yeah, you get that. Iron is just like what she’s named after. She’s solid, reliable, and won’t bend or break under intense pressure.

You’re… well, you’re just you.

You close your eyes and shake those thoughts away. Now is not the time.

“Syndicate deserves doctors who are here out of their own convictions,” Zoya sneers, her hand suddenly reaching to grab you by the collar of your white coat and pulling you close, “because at least then they won’t run at the first sign of trouble. Pretty little things like you who aren’t strong enough to blaze their own path should stay in Eastside.”

You meet her cold gaze with your own, your hand squeezing her wrist. It would do nothing to her, you know this, but there’s no way in hell you’re going to cower to her. She could kill you, but you won’t let her win.

“Am I going to have to pin you down, or are you finally going to behave?” you say, your voice frigid, icy compared to Zoya’s fire. And you see it flare in her eyes as she looks into your eyes, as if searching for something.

This close, you can truly look at her. And though you hate to admit it, she’s… attractive. A sharp jaw, defined cheekbones and that silky-looking silver hair that frames her sharp, wolfish eyes. Maybe under different circumstances, the rush of your heart in your chest might’ve been from butterflies and not pure loathing.

Then, of all things, Zoya’s eyes flick lower to your lips, and your breath stutters in your lungs. Her grip on your collar slackens, but for some reason, you don’t draw back—you can feel her warm breath fanning across your lips, and she leans closer, her eyes narrowed in something you can’t quite place but God, does it make your blood sing in your veins. Her lips brush yours and then—

“Doctor?”

Both of you spring apart as if you’d been burned. Zoya releases her collar and looks away from you, while you clear your throat and do your best to slow down your racing heart.

“Yes, nurse?”

“The legionnaires are all patched up,” she reports. “They’re ready to go. Will you be much longer?”

“No,” you answer quickly, going back to sewing Zoya’s wound, but this time twice as fast as before. She pointedly doesn’t look at you the whole time, but her fingers are curled tightly in the sheets. You wrap up in record time, then gather all the used material and dump them in a nearby biohazard bin.

Zoya stands from the bed, and glances at your handiwork on her arm. Her face remains impassive, but she looks it over without complaint, then slings her jacket over her shoulders again. She reaches for the curtain, but before she slides it open, she offers you a glance. Her eyes are stormy with a mix of emotions you can’t quite identify, with an underlying darkness that makes your pulse jump.

“Thanks,” is all she says, before she steps out of the private bed area, leaving you alone, and you lean against the bed, sucking in a breath and running a hand through your hair.

Fuck, she’ll be the death of you one day.

[dr-spectre]

also it's a random thing but I've realized people have been using brainwashed wrong too

Brainwashing has nothing to do with actually mind controlling people and has everything to do with propaganda. And being told it constantly

For context -

<- the actual definition of doing something

if we use this definition instead of how literally everyone uses it (ie. It's just a replacement for mind controlled)

Then honestly callie being "brainwashed" makes more logically sense if you treat the hypnoshades as consistently feeding her propaganda. It's not literally taking over her mind she's literally probably being played octavios music tbh

Because it's canonically a thing that octavio uses music for propaganda

TLDR: even by LITERAL INSISTENCE INKIPEDIA DEFINITIONS that she id "brainwashed and mind controlled", she can not be mind controlled. Realistically if Callie was brainwashed that means she was just fed propaganda about Octarian.

So people can't argue that she was forced into that outfit she wears in splatoon 2 still because she probably chose to wear it maybe as a strange solidarity idea. It's not about being forced to wear something... Like that. It's wearing a uniform.

Uh that tldr is too long:

Etldr: callie can't be mind controlled no matter how much people insist, brainwashing literally is about propaganda and not "oh no my memories are lost I can't feel ::((("

You literally cannot force her to not have autonomy no matter if it's "brainwashing vs hypnosis"

It's NOT MIND CONTROLLL 😭😭😭😭

o god this is super long

I actually got a comment that was VERY similar to this!!! Someone (I forgot who) said, "I'm gonna think of cult brainwashing instead of sci-fi brainwashing for callie for my own sanity."

From my knowledge, the term brainwashing has always been this general term to describe mind control plots and shit like that and people use it poorly and wrongly. And THAT'S where my anger comes from. Because people wanna make Callie's arc in Splatoon 2 way worse, more disgusting and less interesting. It's so SOOOOO annoying and disregards any sort of arc that Callie could go through....

The word is either used in cults, or military experiments, or family drama of "you're brainwashing my child!" Or sci fi lazy bullshit where it's just "mind control and you lose all of your autonomy and memories" aka Winter Soldier, Widowmaker, etc. It's such a general term that has a trillion different meanings and it's fucking frustrating as hell.

If I try to look at Callie’s story through the lens of "standard" brainwashing where it's just psychological manipulation and propaganda from the Octarians and Octavio, considering that he is known to use music and other things as motivation to boost Octarians.... then... I actually wouldn't have a problem with people using that word... maybe...

Because Callie STILL had some amount of agency and autonomy, even with the shades on, she couldn't have been forced to do anything against her will cause of how hypnosis works. She still heard out the Octarians and listened to their propaganda. Was Octavio still in the wrong? Yeah! DUHHHH!!! NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK!!! HE MANIPULATED A MENTALLY ILL SQUID WOMAN!!! YOU THINK IM RESOLVING THAT MAN OF BLAME?!?! FUCK NO!!! But in that scenario it's WAYYYY LESS EVIL than what the fuck people and Nintendo tried to suggest that they did. I dont wanna believe that Octavio immediately grabbed and then "brainwashed" Callie with the shades after she said "okay fine I'll hear you out." And then "kidnapped" her and her memories were wiped... Ugh. (Fucking Nintendo bro god I hate them...)

It would also help explain WHY she doesn't feel any sort of trauma or suffering from those events and why she finds the Octarians cute and why she went with Octavio to the Low Water party. She probably felt sorry for the Octarians and wanted to help them willingly because her life beforehand was shitty and she was alone... Octavio probably didn't need to do much to convince her, too, which is kinda sad... She probably doesn't feel regret or pain because, well, she was going through a rough period and she wanted an escape, so the Octarians, in her mind, were the only way out...

However.... I can't see that word the same anymore, and every time that I see it, I ALWAYS think of the bullshit sci-fi definition and people just LOVEEEE TO USE IT AS A CATCH ALL TERM!!!! IT'S REALLY REALLYYYYYY ANNOYING!!!!

That word has actually caused me physical reactions when I hear it, like I was in a family dinner and one of my parents used that word and like... I fucking tensed up and felt stinging across my entire body, my heart was pounding and stuff. NO THAT ISNT A JOKE! THATS HOW FIXATED I AM ON THE STUPID SQUID LADY!!!!

Idk if I will be able to comfortably use the word "brainwashing" to describe Hypno Callie because that word has been fully engrained to me as the sci fi. one, rather than the general cult one with more autonomy and more room to dive into depth and character change.

I guess you could say that Nintendo have... BRAINWASHED me into believing that the word is only used as a way to say mind control and "oh no I lost all of my memories!!!" Heh... Heh... eh.... I wanna die.

I fucking hate Nintendo bro. I hate them. So much.

Oh Nintendo, when I find you I swear to go-

[artdcnaldson]

Wouldn't art hate the idea of sharing reader with charlie? Like the thought of him touching her at all makes him want to kill him and her all together? Also, does he resent patrick a little bit? feeling like it's somehow his fault that he can't actually be with her the way he knows he should?

KILL THEM? 😟😟😟 now let’s walk that back a lil

I think he isn’t Okay with it, but he finds ways to get small concessions. Fucking in your shared bed is one. Or making you tell him how good he makes you feel, how he’s better than your husband, how he’s bigger, he feels like he belongs inside of you. And anyways I think art deserves to suffer a little. Like he has to know someone is waking up to your pretty face in the mornings, and gets versions of you that he can’t have.

Idk there is something so yummy to me about the infidelity like it’s toooooo easy for you to leave your husband at the altar like. I need months and years of sneaking behind someone’s back and escaping a marriage that by all accounts should be blissful and happy because you still crave the sick sort of obsession you have with Art. A kid that might be his, a suspiciously close friendship so he stays over when Charlie is traveling or out on business. He gets to play house when Charlie’s gone.

Idk idk idk!! It’s yummy to me maybe im the only 1 who thinks it….

[002yb]

im such a sucker for dick pining cuz he just does lovelorn so well and theres no one more worthy of longing and adoration than jason so:

for dick there is nothing better in the world than when jason is in a playful mood. popping a wheelie on his motorcycle just for the fun of it, singing along with his music blasting, training as usual with his movements loose and fluid and just a touch of uncharacteristic showiness. any form it takes dick goes crazy for it. unsure if jay knowing he was there would burst the carefree bubble but wanting so bad to be a part of the moment.

Lovelorn!Dick? Sign me up.

Because there's something so profoundly vulnerable to how Dick would love Jason: quiet and unassuming and so subtle no one would ever know for certain. Dick knows the place he keeps in Jason's life and it's at the outermost fringes. Carefully kept away because Dick is an irritant (too bright, too good, too perfect) that aggravates all Jason's insecurities.

For all the love Dick has to give, people sooner have a complex about him before they feel any of his affections. Jason so happens to have the most debilitating of complexes, too, so Dick stays where Jason wants him - even if that's far, far away.

Truth be told, Dick has never loved anyone like he loves Jason. Not to say that Jason is any sort of exception, or that Dick loves him more than anyone else he's loved, it's just - different. Dick loves Jason so differently from how he's used to loving anyone else.

Usually Dick is shameless and unabashed; loving loud and proud. Burning so hot and fast that his relationships suffer for it. There's a reason Dick is the butt of every disaster-in-love joke, why he's accused of having issues with commitment, etc.

But again, it's different with Jason. Because Dick loves him so quietly. Because Dick shows his affections in the most subtle of ways (keeping away, not pushing, not taking; just watching from his distant perch). Content to pine because his love for Jason is so devastatingly pure-hearted.

Of course Dick wants to be the one to make Jason happy. He wants to be part of Jason's life. He wants to talk and banter and joke around. He wants more than a perfunctory professionalism when circumstance dictates. What Dick wouldn't give just to be close, to be kept close.

It's fine though. Because Dick's affections aren't fragile. He can find contentment at a distance seeing Jason happy. Even from the fringes, Dick can love Jason just like that.

But also?? Also - Dick constantly, persistently pushing boundaries to try and get just a bit closer. Because even if he's content, it's not like Dick to settle. So he walks that tightrope closer, closer. Sometimes lingering in a professional capacity, sometimes making himself known with antagonizing Jason a bit (in the sense that Jason needs someone to fight and Dick can bear it, but also in a playfully teasing way, too). Until one day Jason is caught off guard because Dick, someone who Jason has always kept to the fringes of his life, becomes someone he expects to see just beside him. A partner, a confidant, a friend.

And Jason is floored because when the fuck?

And Dick is just there in Jason's space, all smug quietly content. Because yeah, he could find contentment at a distance. It's so much better being at Jason's side though. //U///

[sourbinnie]

Hi omg I just came across ur page, I loved your recent it was so cute & now I’m dying for more comfort Hyunjin.

Can I request reader being on her period so she’s rlly irritable and then Hyunjin comes home saying he has a stomach ache and she thinks he’s just joking around so she just ignores him but then later realizes he’s being serious when he doesn’t eat dinner n feels sick so she feels bad and takes care of him.

title -> misinterpreted pair -> hyunjin x fem!reader genre -> hurt/comfort + fluff warnings -> mentions of periods + mentions of food + cursing a/n: yall i think im a sucker for hurt/comfort jinnie, thank you for you request! <3 it came out shorter than i expected but i still hope you like it ¡! :(

as if the day couldn't get more annoying, periods happen. ok, it's not like i had a lot on my plate but there's no worse sensation than your uterus kicking you like you deserve it. it was painful, annoying and overall made me feel like complete garbage. i carried through work like i could, continuing with my day like i wasn't suffering every step of the way. getting home was a task too but i managed through it and decided to throw myself on the bed, trying every single position to see if it would make the pain go away. 

i know i wasn't the easiest to deal with when i was like this but i was hoping hyunjin would understand. 

speaking of him, he was just about to come in through the door every minute now and the things that i usually get ready for him, are not there. like i said, i hope he understands that it's not my best day and he can get them on his own. i know practice must've been a lot and i truly wish he would take care of himself better.

"(y/n)?" i hear my name being called out and i don't even have the strength to get up. feels like the weight is pulling me down again. i manage to do so in a few tries but everything still spins and hurts around me. "missed you baby." he says when he sees me and gives me a hug which i have to retract because of the tightness of it all. he looks at me confused which i have to explain.

"i'm on my period and everything sucks right now." i say calmly but dying on the inside. "i'm sorry if i'm gonna be a bitch to you at any moment but right now i just need to rest."

"oh, that's okay i actually had like a stomach ache through the whole day so i get it." and i just sigh 'cause i knew he was messing with me. he always likes to do that and even with the confused look on his face, i wouldn't fall for it at all. i decided to not linger on it and go to our room to get my sweet sleep as much as i wanted to stay and cuddle with my boyfriend, i knew it would only bring pain and uncomfortability.

✉ ✉ ✉ 

getting up and being met by the moon in the night sky was not my plan all along. hyunjin was by my side, he didn't even try to cuddle with me which i thanked for but he looked a little odd. i couldn't place my finger on what it was but i had to get up and make dinner before it was too late. as i tried to concentrate in the cooking and not the pain (again), i tried to place my finger around what was going on with my boyfriend. 

could it be that things didn't go well today? but he didn't look mad or sad. he also didn't say anything about the boys (usually there's one or two comments about felix). maybe he was just tired and didn't need me on top of his business and i was just panicking over nothing.

"babe?" he asked, snapping me out of my thoughts and there was definitely something going on. he looked pale but at the same time it looked like he had a run a marathon with all the sweat and i was starting to see things better. "oh no, jagi i love your cooking but i think i'll pass today."

i placed the dinner on the table and i looked at him. he never passed on my cooking so something 100% was off today and what did i miss? as i got close to him i tried to repeat our conversation today. my hand went directly to his forehead and as everything started to make sense with him burning up, i said.

"fuck you weren't lying, you truly had a stomach ache." i felt like crying right then and there. even if i felt terrible, i still would do anything to take care of hyunjin. it hurt that i put myself first when he was hurting just as much as me. i didn't want to cry though, this was my chance to make it better unless he hated me at this very moment and didn't want me to do anything and-

"you're thinking too much and yes i did or i still do. i don't know, everything's kinda of spinning and i think i might have a fever." he said and i immediately sat him down as i looked for the termometer. thinking of every remedy and healing technique i went through my entire life as i came back and made him open his mouth. 

"i'm sorry jinnie. i should've been more careful and paid more attention to your words." i said and he wanted to say something but i stopped him. "nuh uh no moving! also i'm gonna tell the boys you're not going tomorrow." that's when he also wanted to protest but i took the termometer out and checked. 

"so? do i have a fever?" he said and i nodded as he responded with a sigh. "i can't miss practice when we're learning a new choreo though, babe you know how it is".

"but you also can't practice if you're basically running a fever and feeling dizzy, what if you pass out?" i said and i could see that he was seeing my point. "just let me text chan and then i'll have all the time in the world for you."

"but what if you get sick too?" he pouted and i just smiled because even in the sickness of it all, he still cared about me. he really was the sweetest guy i've ever met.

"if i get sick, i get sick baby, there's nothing bad about it plus i get to spend time with my favorite person." i said laying him on my lap as i messed with his hair and caressed his cheek.

he eventually fell asleep and i just couldn't stop looking at him. i decided to slowly get up without disturbing him, then i would call work and tell them that i would be taking the day off to spend it with my loved one 'cause it's what he deserved.

[pencileraser1]

pencil eraser one. you word your long posts about dps very well so im pointing my frustration with media-ly illiterate people in your direction. im constantly seething with rage at this podcast episode i listened to a very long time ago abt dps bc they said neils suicide was STUPID and OVERDRAMATIC. and i just. i wanna throw up that boy killed himself and ur calling himnoverdramatic what do i even do. i am high a little and this is very much affecting me i cant get up from this couch 🎀

you're completely correct for this i actually have a few thoughts about this so uh bear with me for a second

theres something that sucks so much about this specific type of criticism of this movie in particular to me because of how much i relate to neil. i watched dps for the first time when i was 17, severely depressed and borderline suicidal and i related So Much to him. i didn't write off his suicide or criticize it because i'd Been There.

generally i feel like this criticism probably stems from lack of understanding Why he would do what he did, and there's a number of reasons that that this could be although that would be leaning a bit too much into psychoanalysis and assuming things i don't know about them so i'm not going to go into it really

up until it happens, neil seems like he's doing mostly okay, and particularly if you haven't seen the movie before i could see how to certain people his suicide might seem overdramatic since it's a bit of a sudden shift from mostly okay to suicidal. but the thing is that up until this point, neil has just been doing a very good job at hiding that something is wrong.

my interpretation of the movie has always been that he'd struggled with some form of depression as well as dealing with some amount of suicidal ideation before the movie and had just generally been good at masking it. during the events of the movie he is the happiest he has ever been because of the combination of the poets, acting, and keating. so when at the end of the play his father suddenly takes away all three, and his options are either to confront his father (something that he feels is impossible to do- even if it technically isn't, the fear he has surrounding it of his father listening but not caring, or making things worse than the are, or anything else, prevents him from doing it) or suffer through 10 years of medical school away from anything he actually cares about, he decides to remove himself from the situation entirely instead.

(theres something about the way his suicide is framed within the movie where in some fucked up way his suicide more than anything else is his carpe diem. he's seizing control of his life in the only way he is physically capable of anymore)

neil's suicide isn't rational but that doesn't mean it doesn't make sense or that he's overdramatic. just because logically waiting out the 10 years until he's away from his dad or leaving as soon as he graduates high school or turns 18 or whatever it is is a better option doesn't mean that 1. he'd have the idea to run away early or more importantly think it doable (he tries so hard to not directly disobey his father the whole movie and after doing it one time is now stuck in This situation, additionally, while this is the 50's and in general shit costed less/jobs were easier to get/etc. he is financially dependent on his father and running away without any support is not the smartest decision) and 2. that he'd be physically capable of enduring the 10 years. because 10 years is a long time Especially if it's 10 years studying to become a doctor, something that is both generally difficult and also something he Doesn't Want To Do. and so the sudden switch from happiest time of his life to suicidal throws people off and they don't understand why he wouldn't have done any of the other options that they thing are the logical ones but to him probably didn't seem physically possible.

[yooniesim]

this as a prime example of what is wrong with simblr (and tumblr in general). this ask was sent to me within like less than a day of that post about cf going up, while I was away for the weekend and not at pc for days. I did not even see the post until right before I got this ask. yall are so damn terminally online that you lost the gd plot and cannot comprehend someone not keeping their finger on the dying pulse of the performative activism headquarters of the internet. and you definitely can't comprehend waiting for complete info or maybe just a full day before starting some reactionary bs. just peeking in here since yesterday i see that simblr is yet again so hyped up on smelling its own farts that it's turned an issue of genocide into yet another dick measuring contest of who can reblog more posts than one another the fastest so they can look more empathetic and better than anyone else. and call themselves "real activists" for being able to click the reblog button. not to mention the usual spamming anons to random people minding their own business. yall are weird as fuck and need to get a firm grip on some grass. stop making the horrific suffering of others about yourselves for once.

that being said, let me get serious for the people on here that are actually normal. for those that don't know by now, this anon seems to be referencing this post about cf, which talks about overwolf (the company that owns curseforge) donating to the IDF. But I also found this tweet by OOP made after that post that explains they have since received DMs from Overwolf stating that they have shifted their relief efforts to aiding victims that have lost their homes from the Hamas terrorist attacks exclusively and do not fund the IDF. this is a much better cause as the victims of terrorism definitely deserve to be helped, and it makes sense they would do this as an Israeli company. The DMs also clarify that it is donation based and nothing uploaded to cf (cc/mods) contributes to this effort whatsoever. As well as Overwolf/Curseforge revenue in general. So simply using curseforge does not mean that you fund or endorse genocide. OOP calls their new efforts commendable in that tweet but I am still looking into and keeping an eye on this matter since, as we know, more information could come out later that contradicts this. And since I have been away im still catching up on everything that has been posted relating to cf.

here are the pics for those that may not have Twitter. do I still support a boycott for those that want to? oh, absolutely. I know that many will still want to boycott regardless, and I'll be working to add alt links to my cc uploads as soon as possible (the ones that don't already have them) for those that don't want to use it. However, everyone I've seen wanting to boycott seems to want to do it because a) they believe overwolf is funding the IDF (apparently is not true) b) they believe having their uploads on cf or downloading from there will fund the IDF (apparently is not true) or c) overwolf itself is an Israeli company (is definitely true). therefore based on the new info we now have some may decide not to boycott after all or will still do so, it is a personal decision. will I be deleting my account there? for now, no.

to be completely honest, I'm in a really bad place financially right now, and while it isn't much, the little bit I get from cf downloads has been exclusively going towards my meds and dr appointment bills. I don't have the option right now to turn down the small amount of added income when I am currently living day to day, especially with the updated knowledge that simply having cc uploaded there does not contribute to their donation efforts in any way. I do not paywall my cc and never will and I do not ask for donations myself, so my options are somewhat limited. although I do not make cc with the aim of getting paid, I ultimately wouldn't be able to justify the sheer amount of time I spend on it if it wasn't helping me with my medical bills currently, as I am already caregiving with the majority of my time. I'm not reliant on cc making or cf to live, and I never want that to be the case god forbid, but in full transparency it is helping me with my healthcare expenses atm and I cannot afford to neglect my health anymore than I have. especially since, as established earlier, using cf does not contribute to the IDF in the first place. so I personally do not judge anyone that continues to use cf for this reason.

also, for the record so there is no confusion on my personal views, I fully support the freedom of Palestine and condemn genocide first and foremost, as well as terrorism and antisemitism. The current situation in Gaza is abhorrent and I encourage all my followers to not only reblog posts, but educate yourselves on the situation and bring it irl as you are able. Speak with the people you love as well as those you are acquainted with and bring this to this to their attention (if you feel safe to). Attend protests if you can. If you cannot, make the calls and emails to your representatives, sign petitions, and donate as you are able. I have been seeing that even spreading Palestinian culture among your loved ones and peers is helpful. So even if you are in a bad place mentally, that may be an option to spread the positive message of the Palestinian people in your everyday life. I'll be reblogging the posts I already did earlier and some new ones too so you can find those updated links. I will be tagging it with palestine so that it can be found easily on my page.

In addition, be kind. To others and yourself. Try to see the full damn picture instead of a snapshot. What someone posts on tumblr of all places does not reflect an entire person's being, or their efforts, or their heart. Yelling your head off on this dying website does not equal activism, and running your mental health into the ground taking on the weight of the world doesn't give you any more control over the issues we face- I learned that the hard fucking way, believe me. By all means share as much as you like, every bit helps (especially if you have a lot of followers), but keep in mind that it certainly doesn't make you better than anyone else. I know it's extremely difficult to feel helpless and you want to feel like you're doing something, but just make sure you're doing the right things for the right reasons. Please do not fucking attack random people for not responding within one business day of the latest info coming out. And take time away from all this shit to breathe. You can't help anyone if you're fucked up yourself. especially for those of us that already face discrimination and bigotry every day irl, I know it is exhausting. Remember to also care for yourselves through all this.

[soukokumychildren]

I. ABSOLOUTLY. ADORE YOUR IDEA WITH YOUR AU SO MUCHhhhhaaaaah!! ✨✨✨✨🖤🖤

Chuuya having WINGS!!? Even though he could in somee way fly before already, it feels so different with wings!! Like really cool!!

(( I have always Liked wings -

Is your AU going to follow the main time-line of the show? Like, the illustrations you've posted sure does look like it-- (love them- love this idea-) ((Soukoku Reunion where Chuuya has feathers!!? ✨)

Wait, wait, wait, No- dont spoil anything..! (maybe just a little yes or no- that wouldn't really spoil anything—) I will find out as I read—!

I mainly wanted to say I'm really looking forward to reading this!!

It's my first BSD AU where it follows the main time-line - just differently- as well! A thing I really like!!

Well, if it really does ofc, but It sure does look like it—Arg, I gotta just continue reading soon——

Even if it don't this seems really interesting already!!!

Ahem, anyhow, this became a bit long- I wanted to expres my excitement about this-especially after, you even looked at some of my BSD stuff after I followed you!!!!

Thank you soo much!✨ That became the last push to write this little too long text, that isn't really a question, but more like a thank you-ahh im excited for this-- that I had already considered writing to you after I started reading😅😅👍

This entire post just made my day and while I could I'd rather not risk dying from lightheadedness from spinning too fast in excitement in my spinny chair XDDDDD THANK YOU SO MUCH

I can't express how embarrassed I am just fshfhsgshgsghshg I have been CRAZY for wings for AGES now, and I just saw soooo many posts about how "what if Chuuya could fly Dazai" I thought, fuckers, I can make that REALITY And it is going to follow the main timeline of the show just...alot differently but at the same time trying really hard to stick to the normal plot In hindsight that means I must suffer with all my energy to watch the first season of bsd (When I first watched BSD, the first episodes were for setup, and rightfully so. That all made sense, it really put the characters together. But I watched it a second time and it dragged ON and ON and I COULDN'T STAND IT UNTIL CHUUYA CAME TO GRAB DAZAI gARgHHrhgh). I must admit I'm confused on the "Soukoku reunion where Chuuya has feathers" bit though 🤔 And currently during the plot I'm writing I have to improvise ALOT from what I know, and really this fic is also whatever the fuck I wanna write with whatever writing style I have on hand slapped into each 1K chapter so I'm really trying here LOL Also the fact when [undisclosed plot device] will be introduced, I'll be writing seperate smut for [undisclosed plot device] because I can then do WHATEVER I want wITHOUT any repercussions Hopefully I can add in [undisclosed plot device] just in a way that people will understand. Though I hear that Beast Dazai also came across [undisclosed plot device] at one point :D

I'm going SO offtopic here LMFAO And seriously? Really??? I'm surprised! I'm sure theres alot of fics that go by the timeline, I especially have run into cough ones which I liked which are specifically smut related..... and I go back to off topic I'm sorry LMAO But I'm sosoosososo glad you like it! It just means alot to me you wrote alot and now I'm just ranting because you've shown genuine interest without going off the rails (as far as I've seen) so this is pretty cool for me too!!! And I do usually look to peoples accounts who follow me (especially those who find interest in a SURPRISING amount of my stuff XD) so yeah, that's why and I found some GOOD stuff on your account too, so that's REALLY awesome. Talk to me any time! Dm me, reblog and talk to me that way, use replies, whatever the fuck! I love talking to people, and this was genuinely fun to write. :]

[hoverboards-and-dragons]

Charlie belongs in Heaven

While I don't think the plot will go in this Direction but it would be interesting

The smartest ploy Sera could try to pull is arguing that the only reason any of this conflict is happening is Charlie is in hell,

hell has been placatingly taking exterminations and using them as a fun opportunity to mix up the power structure for thousands of years, Lucifer doesn't care or has given up, the other princes don't have the will or power to challenge heaven

Charlie is out of place, she didn't earn damnation like sinners, she isn't like the other hellborn either

because she's an angel, and one that never 'chose' to fall, they aren't wrong about hell, she just not actually from hell

If she's accepted into Heaven, then the Seraphim doesn't have to deal with anymore of this redemption nonsense, and Charlie gets a home considered worthy of her efforts

that has to be worth the sacrifice of bending the System a little to Sera, to avoid it being shattered

Now you, dear reader, have no doubt poke many a hole in this line of logic because you are a very intelligent person

that's the fun part, Sera's final goal probably wouldn't make much sense

Charlie seems to take more after her demon Heritage, she probably doesn't really want to leave hell behind, she takes after the dreamer Quality that got her dad fucked over and her mom's actual drive and determination hell barely contains her Heaven would crumble trying, where the fuck would she even go in the hierarchy

but it would also take the heat off the idea of redeeming sinners with this whole new question, create a separation between Charlie and the rest of hell by accepting her as an Us, an angel, not like them, not like the sinners, or her father or Vaggie, they've already lost their chance, not made for hell the other rings' demons, she's better than them, uniquely innocent. handed a shot in heaven, who wouldn't take it?

im personally interested in the Lucifer and Lilith drama because im mentally ill and abnormal about them

Luci is so split about the offer because he wants whats best for her and she doesnt deserve hell she shouldn't suffer for his sins and he also doesn't want an uprising(which Charlie is at most, three realizations away from starting) but also if they try to steal his daughter away to heaven, the last true family he has after being cast out, its war

[gentlegentian]

I feel like the true cruelty of the lan sect is a really overlooked topic in the mdzs fandom, because when you think about it...

they practically forced madam lan into marriage so she wouldn't be executed because she killed one of her teachers, but gave her no trial or chance to explain why, and once she was married they simply locked her away and that was that. qingheng-jun then locked himself into seclusion once he had a kid and that was that, had no business with the rest of the sect and left xichen and wangji to grow up alone.

not to mention the fact that wangji even being born is suspicious... xichens conception makes sense, as they would've needed a sect heir, but wangji? how would he have been concieved, if madame lan was trapped away and qingheng-jun was in seclusion. either this is a plot hole im looking way too deep into or theres something darker happening there

in any case, the twin jades most likely did not have a good childhood. like at all. their father was completely absent, and once their mother died they were practically parentless. sure lan qiren raised them, but he was also acting as the lan sect leader whilst qingheng-jun was away, so i doubt he held much involvement in their raising other than making sure they stuck to the rules and were fed etc

SPEAKING OF THE RULES. the punishments the kids in the lan sect had to deal with?????? the fact that nhs, wwx and jc were beaten for rule breaking whilst they were staying at the lan sect as pupils just makes me wonder how badly they treat their own lan disciples if thats how they treat special guests from other clans. they were fifteen when that happened, FIFTEEN, so clearly the lan sect has no problem with LITERALLY BEATING children to teach a lesson.

its basically just abuse to keep a system in place, and it makes me wonder just how many times the twin jades suffered like that as kids to be as 'perfect' as they are as adults

the lan are so corrupt in their ways and i hate how we dont fully see that in the story until wangji is whipped for protecting wei ying. the whole situation is so fucking cruel and unnecessary it makes my blood boil whenever i reread/rewatch that part, because yes wangji did wrong by injuring the elders but the only reason he did so was because they were refusing to listen to him and quite literally trying to murder his lover.

i get he committed treason or whatever by fighting the elders but 33 whip lashes all in one go with NO breaks or healing time?? with a magical cultivated punishment whip as well, its genuinely like they were trying to kill him. even if he didnt die from the lashings themselves he could've gotten an infection, or had severe blood loss, or hell they coulve broken his spine with the force of it. it took so long for him to heal from that, and it left him with so many scars both physical and mental. that level of injury would've likely left him with some form of chronic pain or illness as well, and it was just so cruel for a situation that didn't ever need to come to this.

they forced him into seclusion, just like his father, and punished him for defending himself, just like they did his mother. xichen ended up similarly as well, with his seclusion after the events with jgy. the lan elders had seen the horrific end qingheng-jun and madame lan had, and yet did nothing to stop their children from facing the same trauma, even making theirs worse.

the lans praise themselves as a sect that sticks to righteousness and principles, when realistically its just full of hypocrites holding onto power by means of fear and punishment. they say that lwj broke the rules by fighting to save wwx, and yet somehow torturing him was completely within the rules of the clan.

their rules and image are merely a cover up for the downright abuse and silencing of their disciples, and its just so fucked up. i could rant about this for so much longer, but also wanna see what other people think before i delve into some of the other topics i have in mind that relate