#it wouldn't be so frustrating if it didnt keep happening

[maybebi47]

.

[heejake-hoon]

Torture

Warnings: smut, mdni, Heeseung is mean, teasing, hair pulling, names calling, desperate reader, blowjob, cum in the mouth, unprotected sex.

Heeseung couldn't help the smirk on his lips while watching you struggle in front of him, pressing your legs together so tight, your eyes stuck on the screen in front you, so helpless, chewing on ur lips so hard it made his cock twitch , loving the way you react to his dirty texts, trying to look normal whenever someone adressed you, looking so confused, so lost as if you were in another dimension.

He eyed you from the corner of the table, sitting far away from you on purpose to make you struggle more while he kept typing how he wants to have you, how he'd just go under that table and eat you out without anyone noticing, how'd love to fuck you in front of all these people to show them who u belong to. Nothing could beat the way your eyes widen whenver you read those texts, looking around as if anyone would caught you before biting ur lips and fanning yourself, clearly imagining those things happening.

His tongue darts on his lips everytime you makes eye contact with him begging his with ur puppy eyes to stop teasing you but he wouldn't do that yet, he wants to see u reach ur limit, curious as to what you'd do once u r beyond frustrated and his eyes lit up when you excused urself to the bathroom, following you immediately not giving you the chance to even close the door before he hooped up, pinning you against the said wood, his hand going bellow ur dress to feel ur wetness and the chuckle he let then made your eyes roll, you were so sentive, so horny, so desperate for his touch, you whimpered, begged for him to do something, anything but he just kept his hand on your pussy urging you to grind on it, his brows raised in amusement at the way your face scrunches up while u desperately tried to get off but it wasnt enough, his hands didnt move, just kept holding you.

You had to use his body to grind on and it made him feel like a tree trunk. You were so pathetic and desperate, clinging on his arms, his neck, anything just to keep him in place while humping him, your head leaning against the door. "Look at you, so needy, grinding on me like a dog in heat" his voice was so low and raspy, his words going straight to your core. Your hands reached down to unbuckle his belt, but he stopped you making you whine "nah, princess, if you want it you should earn it" you didn't think twice about getting on your knees, ignoring how close you were and looking at him up with teary eyes "please" you whispered and he shook his head "not enough" he said while his thumb caressed ur lips, so soft, so plump. You opened ur mouth and took his finger in, sucking on it while your tongue swirled around it and his eyes were fixed on your lips, his dick was throbbing and all he wanted was to fuck your mouth but he wanted to torture you more, he pulled his fingers away and your eyes widened when he turned around to open the door.

Just when he was about to leave you got up and locked the door, pushing him inside, his brows raised as you dropped back on your knees and looked up at him, this time not only begging, but pleading. "P-please, i'll do anything, anything, please i wanna choke on your cock, i want you to use me, please" his hand went on your hair and tugged, his eyes never leaving yours as he spoke "that's more like it slut" and you didn't hesitate before unbucking his belt, opening his zipper, pulling his cock out of his boxers and wrapping your lips around him.

Heeseung threw his head back and closed his eyes as you took him deeper, hollowing ur cheeks and licking the underside of his cock, sucking his precum like a thirsty dog. Your eyes were tearing up as his hands gripped your hair tighter, using your mouth as he pleased, fucking into it and making u gag, not giving a damn about the fact that the both of you were supposed to be back, that there were people waiting for you, all he cared about was cumming inside ur pretty little mouth, his head snapped down to look at your face, ur pretty red lips, ur swollen eyes, the way u kept staring up at him, moaning around him. And his heart skipped a beat, you looked so good on ur knees for him, he was about to burst. His hips stuttered, his grip tightening, his breath becoming irregular as he spilled down your throat and u were so obedient not wasting a drop of his cum.

He pulled you up to stand in front of him and wiped the tears off ur cheeks, cupping ur face, his thumb caressing your bottom lip. "My beautiful girl" he whispered while kissing ur lips, tasting himself on them, his tongue dancing with yours while his hand was groping your ass, kneading the flesh and his teeth tugging on your bottom lip, biting it. His other hand was travelling down and you couldn't help but whimper when he inserted a finger inside of you. "I knew it" he groaned, "i knew my dirty slut would be soaked for me, isn't that right baby?" He was finger fucking you slowly, torturously, his thumb circling around ur clit for a while before he added another finger stretching you, and your eyes rolled back as he increased the pace of his thrusts, as he kept hitting your spot over and over again and you found yourself cuming around his fingers, crying his name, clinging onto his shoulder for support, and he kept going, milking every last bit of pleasure from you. Once u came down from ur high, he took his fingers out and sucked them clean, licking them one by one, tasting u on his tongue and moaning around them. It was the hottest thing u've ever witnessed.

Not giving you time to admire him more he turned you around, bending you on the sink. His hands were on ur ass, caressing, fondling, kneading the flesh, making you whimper, the sound was so sweet and soft and it made his cock twitch. He pulled ur panties aside and entered you, no warning, no prep, he just shoved himself deep inside you, and the feeling of being stretched by him made u cry out, it was so loud that he had to cover ur mouth with his hand to stop the others from hearing you. He didn't even give you the chance to get used to him before he started moving, pounding into you hard, his grip was so tight, you couldn't help the tears rolling down ur cheeks, it hurt so good. "Fuck, you're always so tight, baby, always so good for me" he growled, "such a perfect little cocksleeve" his words made your head spin your pussy clenching around his thickness, as he kept hitting your sweet spot with every thrust.

You were already close to your release when he pulled your hair back, making u stand straight, still holding ur waist, his hand going up to grab your throat, choking you lightly while pounding into you, his breath was ragged, his lips right next to ur ear "imagine if they hear us" and you whined, "you can't be that loud, princess, i'll have to punish you if they do" and your eyes widened, his hold on ur neck getting a little tighter, his pace speeding up, and you came undone, a silent scream leaving your lips as he kept thrusting through your high. He wasn't finished though, he didn't slow down, he kept going until he was chasing his own release, spilling inside of you, filling you up.

[its-avalon-08]

omg I love the protective Daniel post you just did, I feel like max would be so protective too, could I please request max and rival driver reader who always bicker but have undeniable tension..and after a race they’re celebrating at the club and mad max comes out seeing a really creepy guy hitting on her and manhandling her across the dance floor. Reader is a bit shaken up cause she hasn’t had things like that happen in a while since becoming more famous and the creepy guy was a lot bigger than her

and max drives her home and comforts her - I feel a hug from his big strong arms would fix all my problems lolz, maybe leading to some spice?? Thank you!!

hi bubs! im sorry im not super gr8 at writing spice so i didnt include any, myabe in the future! so sorry but hope u enjoy

hands. off. (mv1)

✦ pairing - max verstappen x female!driver!reader

✦ genre - enemies to lovers, angst, creepy guy, confessions, happy ending

The tension was palpable in the team garage as Max and Y/N prepared for the race. Mechanics bustled around, making final adjustments to the cars, while the two drivers stood on opposite sides, glaring at each other.

"You know, Max, just because you have a world championship doesn't mean you're invincible," Y/N said, her tone dripping with sarcasm as she adjusted her gloves.

Max smirked, not looking up from his car. "And just because you're fast doesn't mean you're good enough to beat me. You should focus on keeping up."

Y/N took a step closer, her eyes flashing with anger. "Maybe if you stopped acting like you're the king of the track, you'd see that I'm right on your tail. You're not as untouchable as you think."

Max finally looked up, meeting her gaze with a challenging look. "I'll believe it when I see it, Y/N. Until then, you're just another driver trying to take my spot."

She crossed her arms, standing her ground. "You better watch out, Max. One mistake, and I'll be there to overtake you. And believe me, it'll happen sooner than you think. Until then fuck off."

Max's eyes narrowed. "Bring it on. Just don't cry when you can't handle the pressure."

Their team principal stepped in, sensing the rising tension. "Alright, you two, save it for the track. We need both of you focused if we're going to win today."

Max and Y/N exchanged one last glare before turning their attention back to their cars, the hostility between them lingering in the air.

post race

The race had been fierce, with Max narrowly edging out Y/N for the win. As they walked back to the garage, Y/N's frustration boiled over. She threw her helmet down in exasperation, drawing Max's attention.

"Nice job blocking me out there, Max. Real fucking classy," she snapped, her eyes blazing with anger.

Max shrugged, a smug smile playing on his lips. "It's called defending my position. Maybe you should learn how to do it."

Y/N stepped closer, her fists clenched. "Or maybe you should learn to win without playing dirty."

Max's smile faded, replaced by a cold stare. "I play to win, Y/N. If you can't handle that, maybe you're in the wrong sport."

Y/N's heart raced, not just from anger but from the proximity. She could feel the heat radiating off him, their faces inches apart. "Maybe if you weren't so obsessed with proving you're the best, you'd realize you don't have to be such an asshole all the time."

Max leaned in, his breath hot on her face. "And maybe if you stopped trying to compete with me, you'd see that I actually respect you."

Y/N's eyes widened, the air between them crackling with tension. "Respect? You have a funny way of showing it, Max."

Max's gaze dropped to her lips for a fraction of a second before meeting her eyes again. "It's called tough love sweetheart. You wouldn't want it any other way."

She swallowed hard, her pulse quickening. "Don't flatter yourself. I don't need your respect."

Max's hand twitched as if he wanted to reach out and touch her, but he held back. "Maybe not. But you have it, whether you like it or not."

The intensity of his gaze was overwhelming, making her head spin. For a moment, all the anger and frustration seemed to morph into something else, something neither of them was ready to admit.

"Why do you always have to make everything so complicated?" Y/N whispered, her voice barely audible.

Max's voice softened, the hostility fading. "Maybe because I don't know how else to deal with you. You're... different."

Y/N's breath hitched, her heart pounding in her chest. "Different how?"

Max's eyes softened, and for a moment, the walls between them seemed to crumble. "Different in a way that scares me. And I don't scare easily."

The vulnerability in his voice caught her off guard, and she felt a surge of emotion she couldn't quite name. Without thinking, she closed the distance between them, their bodies almost touching.

"Max..." she began, her voice trembling.

Before she could say anything more, Max leaned in, his forehead almost resting against hers. "Y/N, I..."

The moment was electric, the world around them fading away. For that brief second, all the rivalry, the anger, and the hostility melted into something raw and undeniable. But just as quickly, Max pulled back, the moment shattered and his rough facade was back up.

"We should get back to the team," he said, his voice hoarse.

Y/N nodded, her heart still racing. "Yeah. We should."

As they walked back to the garage, the tension between them was stronger than ever, but now it was laced with something more—something neither of them could ignore.

time skip

The club was alive with music and dancing, the perfect place to celebrate after a hard-fought race. Y/N tried to shake off the lingering tension from her earlier confrontation with Max, letting the music take over as she moved with her friends. But even in the crowded club, she could feel his eyes on her, a constant presence that sent shivers down her spine.

Max sat at the bar, nursing a drink, but his attention was entirely on Y/N. She danced with an easy grace, her movements drawing the eyes of everyone around her, but Max's gaze was different—intense, focused, and filled with the unresolved tension from their earlier confrontation.

As she danced, Y/N's eyes found Max's across the room. The connection was electric, the tension between them palpable. She locked eyes with him, her movements becoming more deliberate, more provocative, as if she was challenging him, daring him to react.

Max's grip tightened on his glass, his heart racing. The room seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of them, locked in a silent, charged exchange. He wanted to go to her, to close the distance between them, but something held him back.

Suddenly, a large man approached Y/N on the dance floor, his intentions clear. He moved too close, his hands reaching out to touch her. Y/N tried to step away, but he grabbed her arm, pulling her towards him with a force that made her stumble.

"What the fuck? Let go!" Y/N shouted, trying to free herself.

The man's grip tightened, his voice slurred with alcohol. "Come on, baby, don't be like that. Let's have some fun."

Panic flashed in Y/N's eyes. She was used to handling herself, but this man was larger and stronger, and the situation was spiraling out of control. She looked around for help, her gaze finally landing on Max.

Max's vision turned red as he saw the fear in Y/N's eyes. He pushed his way through the crowd, his protective instincts and anger flaring into his "Mad Max" persona.

"Get your hands off her," Max growled, his voice low and dangerous.

The man looked at Max, clearly unimpressed. "Who the hell are you?"

Max stepped closer, his glare icy. "I'm the fucking guy who's going to make sure you never touch her again. Now, let go."

The man sneered, but Max's cold fury was unmistakable. He released Y/N, but not before giving her a rough shove. She stumbled back, and Max caught her, pulling her close to him.

"You okay?" Max asked, his voice softening as he looked down at her.

Y/N nodded, but her eyes were wide, and she was clearly shaken. "Yeah, just... let's get out of here."

The man, not ready to back down, took a step towards them. "You think you can just walk away?"

Max turned back to him, his expression darkening. "I warned you."

Without another word, Max launched himself at the man, delivering a hard punch to his jaw. The man staggered back, and Max followed up with another punch, knocking him to the ground.

"Stay the fuck down," Max spat, his voice filled with anger.

The bouncers quickly moved in, grabbing the man and dragging him away. Max turned back to Y/N, his expression softening once again.

"Come on," he said, taking her hand. "Let's get out of here."

The ride home was silent except for Y/N’s quiet sniffles. She stared out the window, her hands still trembling. The events of the night played over and over in her mind, and she couldn't shake the fear that had gripped her. She let out a silent sob, tears streaming down her face.

Max glanced over, his heart aching at the sight of her distress. Without saying a word, he reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Y/N looked at him, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She squeezed his hand back, drawing strength from his presence.

They drove in silence for a while longer before Max finally spoke. "You don't have to be scared anymore, Y/N. I'm here. I'll always be here."

Y/N nodded, unable to find her voice. The tears kept coming, and she leaned over, resting her head on Max's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her, holding her close as she sobbed into his shirt.

When they arrived at her apartment, Max turned off the engine and gently lifted her out of the car. She clung to him, too exhausted and shaken to protest. Max carried her inside, navigating the familiar path to her bedroom. He laid her down on the bed and sat beside her, brushing a stray hair from her face.

"Max," Y/N whispered, her voice barely audible. "I was so scared."

Max's heart clenched. "I know. But you're safe now. That guy will never touch you again. I promise."

Y/N looked into his eyes, searching for the strength she always saw there. "Why are you always there for me? Even when we fight, even when we're at each other's throats, you're always there."

Max took a deep breath, his gaze intense. He wordlessly pulled her into a warm, protective hug. His strong arms enveloped her, pulling her close against his chest.

Y/N rested her head on his shoulder, her voice a barely audible whisper. "I've dreamed about this."

Max’s heart skipped a beat. He held her tighter, his own emotions surfacing. "You’ve dreamed about this?"

She nodded, her voice muffled. "About being held like this… safe and cared for. I didn’t think it would ever actually happen."

Max tilted her chin up gently, looking into her eyes with a serious expression. "Y/N, there’s something I need to tell you."

Y/N met his gaze, her eyes filled with vulnerability. "What is it, Max?"

Max took a deep breath, his voice trembling slightly. "I’ve been trying so hard to deny it, but I can’t anymore. I care about you more than I ever wanted to admit. The rivalry, the arguments—they’ve been a cover for what I really feel."

Y/N’s eyes widened, a mixture of surprise and relief washing over her. "Max, I’ve felt the same way. I’ve been pushing you away because I was scared of these feelings. I didn’t want to admit how much you mean to me."

Max’s fingers brushed a tear from her cheek. "I’ve been so caught up in the competition and the fights that I didn’t realize I was falling for you. But now, seeing you like this, I can’t ignore it any longer."

Y/N’s voice was barely above a whisper. "It’s like everything else fades away when I’m with you. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before."

Max’s gaze was intense, filled with affection. "You mean everything to me, Y/N. I don’t just want to win races with you; I want to be with you. I want to be the one who’s always there for you."

Tears welled up in Y/N’s eyes again, but this time they were tears of happiness. "I want that too, Max. I want us to be more than just rivals. I want us to be together, through everything."

Max’s smile was tender as he leaned in, his forehead resting against hers. "Then let’s make it real. Let’s be together."

Y/N nodded, her voice trembling with emotion. "Yes. I want that more than anything."

They leaned in, their lips meeting in a kiss filled with all the emotions they had been holding back—passion, relief, and a deep, unspoken love. When they finally pulled away, their eyes locked, both of them knowing that their feelings were finally out in the open.

Max brushed a strand of hair from her face, his smile full of promise. "We have a lot to figure out, but we’ll do it together. I’m in this for the long haul."

Y/N nodded, her heart full. "Together. Always."

Max wrapped his arms around her again, holding her close as they lay down together, both of them finally at peace with the love they had discovered.

[katiascraft]

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋ "Maybe i should've told you i miss you. But i don't know if you feel the same" | OP81 ✧₊⁺

parings: oscar piastri x singer!reader

summary: your insecurities lead to lose the love of your life, but destiny always play its worst (or best) cards for you. in the aftermath of it all, two souls become one (again). or that's what you'd like.

inspired by: gracie abrams music ⤦

⟢ ‘almost said I miss you’ EP: tracklist

➥ track 1 - mean it

➥ track 2 - stay

➥ track 3- I miss you, I’m sorry

word count: 6k.

warnings: angst. and a little fluff. mentions of insecurieties, trauma and depression. not a native english speaker so there could be (so many) erros. not proofread.

MASTERLIST

「 ✦ The ticking clock ✦ 」

You took a deep breath. Your hands were shaking and your stress levels were at their peak.

“You are always picking fights, y/n. I'm tired, "Oscar said, clearly annoyed. Is not that you always fought or had a toxic relationship, no. but lately, things got harder between you two. Stupid fights now and then. Dead silence that creeps you out everytime. Coldness was the new dynamic you had going on. And it hurts.

Everyday hurts lately.

“Oscar, I'm not always picking fights. For fucks sake, just wanted to know why you are so cold all the time to me!” you didn't want to raise your tone but desperation never took the best out of you. He was shocked, his head disapproving. Probably done with all of this. Done with you. You didn't want to admit it but maybe it was true. 

“I'm not being cold to you, y/n. I already explained it to you: I'm tired. My job it's complicated enough to come home to be even more complicated. Just stop” he said leaving the kitchen, leaving you behind hanging in your words. That made you so you followed him down to the living room. 

“Oscar, don't leave me talking alone, please! Why do you always have to run away? I have feelings actually you know? I would love to express them to my lover so we can have a proper conversation, what do you think about that?”

“y/n, bullshit. Don't act like I'm a monster who doesn't listen to you. If i didnt we wouldn't have this argument. Stop playing the victim for once. You don't hear me out either anyway” he gritted his teeth trying not to follow you down with your anger. He didn't want to raise his voice towards you. 

“Playing victim? You're an impossible oscar. I only asked you a fucking question, what did i do wrong for you to ignore me and act so cold? And you said you're just tired and that's bullshit” you were so angry by now. Offended. Hurt by his words. Hurt by the fact you were happy once and now everything is falling apart. You never hurt this deep before. 

“It's not!” he couldn't anymore with all of this. He didn't want to raise his voice but you made him feel exasperated. “You see? You don't trust me! Im telling you im just tired and you say its bullshit and then you play the victim card that i dont listen to you and im a fucking monster? I see how things go now. I'm done” he didn't even want to look at you. He just sat on the sofa looking at the floor. But you heard what he said under his breath. What you were most scared of what’s happening. 

You started crying out of desperation, anxious that all of this was gonna end right there and then. You just left him there and went back to the kitchen as if that way he wouldn't see nor hear you crying. You just couldn't keep talking or being around him. Your heart was sinking.

He sighed frustrated and stood up sprinting to his studio and banging the door. You gasped hearing the door closing so violently. No that he noticed what he said. Nor that he cared you thought he didnt care you anymore, that was for sure. 

(...)

You haven't talked to Oscar since yesterday. He didn't sleep at your shared apartment. He said he didn't want to see you. That hurt a lot. Your heart was already broken. You didn't know what to do anymore. You've been on this rabbit hole for several months. You didn't understand what broke between you or when it was. You felt confused, lonely and scared. What would your whole life be without him? Once, you only wrote love songs because what you felt for him was beyond what your body could handle so you needed to take it out. Now, you didn't write anything for months. You felt too much sadness, it felt like you didn't feel anything at all. Just emptiness. 

You were playing with your food, not really that hungry that you thought you would be. Another night alone without him. Would life be like this when he gets rid of me? I don't wanna leave. 

The doorbell rang. You frowned, not sure who it could be knowing it was almost 10pm and I couldn't sleep (just as yesterday and every time you had an argument with him). You looked through the little visor of the door seeing your boyfriend was back home. But telling from the look on his face, things wouldn't be better anyway. You opened the door after taking a deep breath not sure if you would survive another fight. 

You two just looked at each other for a few seconds. Probably analyzing how you were feeling now that 2 days have passed by. Neither of you smiled. Not that you had the energy or a reason to anymore. You moved from the door so he could get into the apartment and closed the door once he was in. 

“Did I wake you up?” he asked quietly. You swallowed hard not knowing what to say by this point.

“I can't sleep since you are gone, so. No, you didn't” you didn't want to sound cold, especially after you fought because he was acting like that with you,but you felt like shit and didnt have energy to pretend you were okay with it all. You felt miserable. He nodded without saying a word and looked at the floor for a moment. 

After a moment of really uncomfortable silence you broke it with something you didn't even think would slip out your mouth “are you seeing someone else, oscar?” your words cut through him as if they were sharp glass pieces just thrown directly at him. 

“What?” He was surprised and hurt that you thought about him like that. You shrug.

“I mean, it's not that you don't kiss me anymore, so.and i think you're not tired because of your job, i think you're just bored of me, tired of me, done with me” you sat on the kitchen table again. He followed you there but stayed standard. He was confused and hurt now. 

“When did I ever say that to you?” he was tired of all of this, for sure. But he wanted to make things work with you. He just didn't know how to.  It was hard for him to understand you, but he was trying. He finally sat in front of you staring at your plate. It was full, you kept playing with your doodles, pretending to eat like you used to. He felt so guilty for all of this. He knew at that moment. That he broke you. He didn't know how or when but he did. His face softened in sadness.

“You said it. You said you were done and you know what? I get it. I mean, it's not as if I am easy to love. I know I'm complicated and a pain in the ass for everyone so I wouldn't be surprised if you found someone else that makes you happy for real and you don't wanna tell me out of pity. I'm ready to hear it though. Just say it” your voice was empty and plain no emotion detected just numbness. He didn't want to think it was too late. It Has been a long time since he has seen you like this. At that time it wasn't him who made you feel like it. 

“I didn't mean to say it, y/N. I Was tired because of work and fighting with you. I don't like fighting with you. I wanna make things right, please. I wouldn't ever do that to you, you know it” he explained desperate for a moment. He wanted you to believe him. But your face didn't say anything. He couldn't read you and made him scared. You looked unbothered, way far gone now.  

You shook your head “i know you mean it and i know you are tired, but i don't think you really want to be with me anymore” your sincerity cut like a knife in both of you. Like, you over thought a lot about it but it still hurt. He was lost and didn't know what was going on anymore or was going through all of that. “You didn't deny it either” you continued.

“I'm not with anyone else, y/N, please” he cut you off with his deep voice, kind of cracky now. 

(...) 

You just didn't know how you ended up moaning his name once more. His mouth is in your centre. His hands are grabbing your tights. Your fingers on his hair.

How easy is it, right? To love someone. One moment, you destroy them.. Then, you fix them with makeup sex. Making them see the stars so they forget how shitty things are. So that pleasure it's more important than gentle affection. Always pretending to be sane then doing insane shit like this as if memory didn't exist when it came to you and him. As if feeling him inside you was the only thing that could fix your mind. That it was the only way to communicate properly. As if it was your love language, then ignore each other. 

His hands of your body grabbing you as if you were about to break and he was trying to keep all of your pieces together. As if he could save you or your relationship that was already 10 feet down buried. He would like to think sex could fix it. That it was the best way to communicate if then you didn't trust him. He was hurt and you didn't trust him. You were hurt because he didn't love you anymore. Unfortunately, your minds couldn't agree. You were the love of his life, he wanted to help and make you trust him. But you just didn't, you already convinced yourself he didn't love you anymore and that everyone was better than you. He wanted a team when you just wanted to run away from him. Or from yourself?

「 ✦ Destruction ✦ 」

“I'm done with you for real, y/n! Everytime an important day comes for me, you just like to ruin it!” He was mad as hell. Fed up with all your bullshit. 

“You really think I do it on purpose? oscar! “ He left the room so you started following him around your shared apartment. “I wouldn't if you didn't ignore like you always do! I don't know what to do anymore! Nothing seems enough for you!” you started crying out. Your heart couldn't take it anymore and this time it felt different. So much different than any time before.

“Why is it always my fault? Why am I always the one doing something wrong? The only thing you do is complain about me and then you just want me to kiss you?! You are insane!” His words cut you deep, so deep you thought they cut you in half and you were nothing anymore. You couldn't breathe for a moment. He called you insane just the way your parents made you feel your whole life. Maybe they were right after all. You deserved all of those years in a psychiatric hospital. You deserved even when he

 was the first one to say your parents were monsters and you were more than okay. More than normal. More than lovable. How ironic, right?You wanted to laugh but couldn't. You just couldn't move. 

Oscar realised what he said. He knew when he saw you. He felt terrible at that moment.

“Look, y/n i-” you cut him not wanting to listen to him anymore. 

“Dont talk” you said shaky under your breath. You had to sit down on the sofa because you felt you were about to faint. In shock - a lot of moments of your relationship replayed in your head. How could someone who said he loved you more than anything and anyone, end up thinking just as your parents? It was your fault. Of course it was. How could you ever think someone would love you? You were miserable. How can someone love a miserable person? 

Oscar started breathing heavily and he had to sit on the floor trying to calm down. He is always so collected and rational, these kinds of feelings he had never experienced, not even with his ex. 

“We can't be together Oscar, I make you miserable. And you're right. I'm insane, how could someone love me right? No one wants to deal with my bullshit, not even myself” you said quietly. His throat closed for a moment. He remained in silence for a few seconds processing your words. You didn't look at each other, you couldn't. Guess this was it. How sad, right? Oscar started crying realizing what was about to come.

“I promise y/N, I'm sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it that way. You aren't hard to love, actually the opposite. But yeah, i don't think this is working for us anymore whether i like it or not” he said wiping his tears away of his face as he could. 

You nodded even though you didn't hear a word he said. It was over. Your life is over.

「 ✦ time heals it all, right? ✦ 」

It's been exactly 8 months and 25 days since you and Oscar were not together anymore. Yes, you had a countdown. You created it to see how far you’ll survive because you didn't believe you would last this much. You thought your life was over and for a few weeks it was. You didn't get out of bed. The break up depression, i guess. Your friends suggested you go back to therapy because they were really worried about you and your mental health. They knew how much Oscar meant to you: he was your everything. And to be honest, that was your first mistake going into the relationship with him. 

You shouldn't have made him your everything because you were nothing suddenly when you left. You didn't know who you were without him, what you liked or what you would like to be. All of your future plans had him in them. There wasn't a future without him. He was everywhere in your life. You shaped your destiny around him. You wanted to get married and have kids with him. And you never wanted to be a mother but he had changed that until he was gone. 

You couldn't go back to dating. You tried but failed every time. You were a little too afraid to get hurt again. You had to work through your insecurities and traumas first. There was a lot of your history that needed to be let go. You needed to go through really ugly times in your past to find some perspective. Forgive yourself, putting yourself first, understanding yourself. You just worked on knowing you and becoming the person you always wanted. 

And you grew and changed so much. You felt proud of yourself. You started writing again. Creating was the best way to mourn your relationship with Oscar alongside your old self that left him. To mourn that part of you that is gone forever. Creating was what kept you sane all this time. What brought you back to life. You wrote so many songs about him. Blaming you, blaming him. Blaming the universe for not putting it easier on you. 

So music, once again, saved your life. 

Oscar’s life changed drastically. Not only by the fact he didn't have you anymore on the paddock to cheer him on, but also he didn't have you in his apartment to share his life with. He missed you everyday he woke up to an empty bed. Mourning what you had changed him forever. He blamed himself for not knowing how to get to you, how to understand you and be able to help you through it. So he started reading about psychology to learn how to understand people better. He wanted to improve his emotional intelligence. He knew that maybe you wouldn't be there anymore, probably forever, but at least he could be better to the people around him. 

He didn't date anyone. His way of mourning was trying not to think about it occupying his space and time with work and training and racing and reading. He couldn't do anything else.  

He always found himself not being able to think, wondering where you were and especially how you were. After that night, you went to cero contact. And he knew it was the best, but he couldn't get you out of his head yet. He felt guilty knowing that he can understand your needs better when it's a little too late. He just wished to press rewind and do it again but the right way this time. He knew it was impossible and that dug a hole in his heart. He knew that it would be there forever. You were the love of his life. He really thought he couldn't love anyone that way, ever again. You were a force of nature for him. Blowing him away every single time. 

You never went back to races. He knew how much you adored the sport and how in another life you would have loved to be an engineer. You dreamed of one day to see a woman on the podium. You actually sponsored two girls from F1 Academy. The boys didn't see you again either. Actually he knew you did see lando a few times because you two became really close during your relationship, but lando always lied and told him that he didn't see you. He knew Lando was trying to be a good friend. He even tried to introduce Oscar to some girls but it never worked. He tried though. But he found himself thinking that he was kissing it was you. It was heartbreaking to see. He was kind of stuck on you. 

So he decided he would take his time to grow and figure out who he was by himself. Find comfort in his own company. Doing dates  by himself. He found it cringe to call it that way but his therapist insisted on calling it that way so he could deprogram himself from you and anything and everything related to you. 

He was proud of himself though. He was doing alright again, actually enjoying his job, his friends, and his own company. He even won races, he did podiums and everything he dreamed of. But still, he hoped you didn't feel like you needed to leave to let him shine. He wished you were there every time to hug you and shower you in  champagne. 

He really missed you in his life.

「 ✦ Too far gone, don’t know where we started ✦ 」

So here you were more than a year later at the Azerbaijan GP 2024. The Mercedes team invited you as a star guest so you came with your friend because alone you would have died. Actually, before coming to the paddock you had an anxiety attack and if it wasn't for your friend who made sure you felt safe and okay to go, you would’ve been on a plane back home. It was the first time since you broke up with Oscar you felt okay enough to be able to go through it. You were invited by different teams at least 15 times now. But you always lied and said you couldn't make it. You just needed to stay at home or the studio writing as far as possible from oscar and anything related to him. But you went through all of that with your therapist and she said that if you liked the sport and you really enjoyed races or anything related to it, you shouldn't let Oscar or the thought of him or what happened, deprive you of it. 

It was sunday, you preferred not to come on friday or saturday just because there were more possibilities you would bump into him. And you just weren't ready to see him. The race was insane so far. Actually, Oscar was doing more than okay. Your heart was pounding, you could hear it loud and clear. Your best friend held your hand all the time in that garage so you don't forget she’s there for you. And that you’re okay.  You knew you shouldn't be afraid of him because he was an angel. But you were scared of yourself and how would you handle that situation. You came to terms that actually, everything that happened between him and you, it was that your insecurities just made everything so toxic that he couldn't handle it all. It didn't feel good when you realised that but it is what it is. You didn't know better and forgiving yourself for that was the hardest part of the process. 

You squeezed your best friend's hand, it was the last lap. Your heart is almost out of your body. You are wearing an old Oscar hoodie. You really liked it, plus you came here looking like shit in your opinion. You didn't even brush your hair nor that you needed it like before, now your hair is super short. Everyone in the garage was watching closely and before you could actually process what you ‘ve just seen. Your friends shouted “omg” in unison not believing what they saw.

Destiny had its twisted ways to be honest. Osca won the race. he won. You were just shocked. 

You were here and he won, like, what are the chances of that to happen actually? First race you’re back and he wins. and in that way. Your friends hugged you. 

“Holy shit that 's really insane shit” Nikola said, watching the screens at the garage. 

“We need to go guys, i don't wanna see him, please” you didn't know why you started to panic like that. Sonny looked at Nikola and just got you out of there. 

At the Mercedes hospitality you felt safe while the celebrations were held. There was no reason or chance Oscar walked into the Mercedes building, right?  You were drinking some coffee with you girls trying to focus on the conversation about any other driver but Oscar, just around strategy and stuff. You were trying really hard but you couldn't stop thinking about the fact that maybe he could come into you any time. Now that you see destiny hates you. 

“y/N, you okay bestie?”Sonny tried to get you out of your drawing though by touching your arm so she could catch your attention back to reality. 

“Oh yeah, I was just thinking,” you said, adjusting yourself on the chair. Nikola looked worried. 

“y/n, we can go if you need to. We don't want you to feel uncomfortable, okay? Just tell us” she said, comprehensively describing the situation and her friend's feelings. You licked your dry lips.

Before you could answer her someone interrupted you. 

“y/, is it you?” that. Fucking. Voice. Your friends’ eyes widen as surprised as you were. You turned to the voice to find, in fact, your ex boyfriend watching you so confused. You were speechless for a moment. He looked so pretty and sweaty. His eyes are shining brighter than ever you have seen. 

“Oh, hi oscar. Yeah, it’s me” you tried to play it cool but to be fair, you felt the butterflies on your stomach just like the first time you met him at that  birthday party you didn't want to go to. But luckilyyou did. Destiny is always playing dirty for you. Or geniously. You didn't know anymore. He smiled widely.

“Oh, wow, hi, yeah. I didn't know you were coming” he said nervously. Your friends looked at each other noticing. 

“I was invited by George, actually. I almost didn't come tho. How crazy, you win right? You did an amazing race. "You were surprised that you could even have a proper conversation with him while your heart was hurting out of anxiety, nervousness and butterflies were everywhere. 

Oscar Felt his chest tighter. His stomach was happy to see you, he knew. “Thank you,” he said sweetly. You looked so pretty under the light of the Mercedes building. You were his hoodie, your favorite, but he didn't know if it was appropriate to mention it. Your hair was so short and looked so beautiful on you. It actually made you look prettier. Your face was the face of an angel, he always thought that. But with that haircut it only intensified your perfection. He felt stupid. Just like the first time he saw you at that party he wasn't even invited directly. Destiny always played on his favour with you, until that night. He didn't even want to remember it. You looked so different yet you felt the same. Your perfume was the same, he knew. It’s the one he gifted you on your 6 month anniversary. You used to celebrate each month. 

An awkward silence makes its presence between you two, not knowing what else to say or comment. 

“Congrats oscar on the win” sonny tried to save you from misery right there capturing oscar’s attention. He smiled gently, thanking her and nikola. He recognized them and gave them a hug. He seemed happy to see them. You smiled remembering your nights playing uno and drinking wine and baking canela rolls when winter break came around. You Missed him more than you’ve ever thought you would. And something inside you just felt exactly the same you always felt with him. He altered the chemistry in your brain so easily it was kind of scary. 

“Hey osc! Zac wants to talk to you! What are you doing here?” Lando Norris came into the building as well. He was your friend. when he saw who Oscar was, he grinned. “Hey, bestie, whatchu doing here?” he said happily, giving you a comforting hug. He was genuinely surprised because you didn't even tell you. He suspected Oscar was here because George told him you were here. He can't keep secrets. And he knew it was George because he was sure Lewis didn't even know you. 

“George invited us,” you explained after he stepped back.

“Okay let's go, great to see you girl. Hope to see you around more often "Oscar said while looking directly at you in the last sentence to then disappear dragging Lando out of the hospitality. Your friends looked at you and you looked at them.

“I need a whole vodka bottle down my throat right now” you sentence, making them laugh. But you didn't. You felt scared of what you felt a few moments ago. 

(...)

New year is here. You were invited along with your friends by lando to his beginning of the year party here in Monaco. And oh you knew Oscar was gonna be there. Of course, he is one of his closest friends also.

This time you felt more calm and collected around the fact you were going to see him again. I think being drunk was the thing you were thanked for. If something felt rare,you would drink straight vodka or tequila and the problem was solved. You didn’t even have to think about it. 

Your friend helped choose the sexiest dress for you. It was a satin white little dress with broderie endings. Pretty subtle but at the same time suggesting. Just how you were. Angel face, dirty minded. Problem was you couldn't date people because of the Oscars. Because since you saw him those seconds in Azerbaijan, you couldn't stop seeing his shiny eyes and beautiful smile every time you close your eyes. You didn't interact all of this time, you didn't even follow each other on social media. 

Mystery drove you I guess. And who could blame you? It was Oscar Piastri, the one you had to forget. But I just couldn't. You missed his touch, his breath, his voice, his lips. 

Your friend took you out of your thoughts telling you they needed to go to the bathroom. You Followed them around the party up to the toilets. They got in but you decided to wait outside because the music was just so good you wanted to enjoy it. You always wished you could write a party song but it isn't your thing at all. Nor you didn't have the personality for it. You were too deep of a person. You needed to cut deep. Be someone to suffer along with. Or at least that’s how you perceive yourself as an artist. 

“y/N?” not that voice again. That damn voice. Though this time you were waiting for it. You looked up to find a drunk Oscar in front of you. You were breathless for a moment. How can a man become so much hotter in just a year? You smiled at him feeling your strawberry lip gloss. 

“Hoy, osc. What’s up?” you said easily. The alcohol made it easier actually. When he smiled you almost died. You Adored his smile since that party you didn't even want to go to. You thought you fell in love with him just right there. Just right here…?

“I was looking for Danny, have you seen him?” he said normally, ignoring his heart, almost skipping a beat when he saw you in that short white dress. He hoped not to be drooling in your face. Since he saw you again, he couldn't get you out of his head. You were everyday hunting him. He wanted to text you but he wasn't sure if he should. You seem so happy now, he didn't want to ruin it. He convinced himself that probably the best for you was staying away from him as much as possible. At the end of the day, he was the reason you hurt, right? Or he wanted to believe that. 

For a moment you watched his lips talking to you. His drunk voice always turned you on. But you couldn't show it. Not anymore. You looked back at his eyes. Half smile on your face while shaking your head “no, i didn't. Iwas waiting for my friends that are in the bathroom” you explained and he nodded. 

“Well, I'll keep looking then. See you around” he told you to go back into the crowd to look for his friends. Hesaw the way you looked at his lips. He had to be the stronger one. It was better this way. As much as he wanted to eat you out right there and then.

He hurt you. He didn't understand you. He didn't deserve you. He made sure to protect you from himself. Even though all he wanted was to be with you.

「 ✦ the (your) truth is out ✦ 」

yourusername made a post

liked by sabrinacarpenter, user456, landonorris and 1,543,678 others

yourusername: i'm so excited to finally tell you our biggest secret! my new ep 'almost said i miss you' will be out february 14 <3 (trying to resignificate the date lol) these songs are really important to me and i can't wait till they finally become yours. thank u to the bestest bestie in the worl for guiding me and helping me through it all, it wouldn't have been possible without you. and you guys for the support, you don't know how much you mean to me :,) thank you for listening to my music since day one. i feel so lucky! see you in a few weeks :D

tagged: sabrinacarpenter, y/nhq

view more comments

sabrinacarpenter: so proud of you baby, my fav artist forever. just keep smiling! it's so beautiful to see you happy <3

nikolabff: we are so proud of you gorgeous! the prettiest songs I’ve ever heard 🥹

sonnybff: girl you always serve, thank you for sharing your art to the world I admire you like crazy. So proud of you baby, I love you <3

user489: 'trying to resignificate the date' WHY AM I SOBBING AT WORK

User99: THE TRACKLIST 😭😭😭😭😭

↳ user87: “I miss you, I’m sorry” I CHOKED

user45: it hurt

user12: so excited

landonorris: can`t wait for the world to cry their eyes out just like i did when i heard them :( (it still hurt and I cry before falling asleep)

↳ nikolabff: bro same 😭😭😭

↳ maxverstappen: babygirl

↳ landonorris: get outta here 😡

georgerussel: I know who will cry listening to this

↳ danielricciardo: @/oscarpiastri

↳ landonorris: @/oscarpiastri

↳ sonnybff: guys knock it the fuck off

hattiepiastri: so prod of you girl! Can’t wait to listen to it!

↳ user67: NOT HIS SISTER OMG

↳ user08: I don’t wanna be delusional but girl you

don’t help

↳ user134: they NEED to get back together I don’t

wanna suffer anymore I know Hattie

wants it too 😭

user1: I’m not alright knowing these are for oscar tbh IM DEAD and I haven’t even listened to them yet

taylorswift: and artist of the year goes to…

olivirodrigo: my day to day inspiration

user975: I love girls supporting girls

user56: @/f1gossipofficial is there something about this you’d like to share????

「 ✦ The aftermath - february 14 ✦ 」

Oscar was back to the UK training for the beginning of the new season. It was the coldest winter he experienced. He got back home from mclaren hq. He took a hot shower to warm himself. His apartment was silent. It felt empty for the first time. Like something was missing. He went straight into bed. He wasn't that hungry anyway, but he was tired indeed. 

“Hey, listen to it. I think you need to” 

He saw his sister Hattie's notification pop up on his screen confusing him abit. He went into the messages app and opened his sister’s. When he did he understood what she was talking about. A knot on this throat formed. It was y/n ep. Guess he now understood taylor swift’s exes. It’s hard to date a musician ust because of the aftermath of the relationship. 

“Just do it. You will understand why once you did” 

Another message popped up on this screen and sighed heavily. Probably his sister was right but at the same time he was scaredas fuck. He opened it on spotify, she looked as pretty as ever on the cover of it. ‘Almost said I miss you’ - that was the title and only had 3 songs. By the names of them he suspected it was about him but he tried to believe they weren't even though his sister already told him that they were. He decided to listen to it in order.

He took his headphones from his nightstand so he could hear your voice clearly. All over his head. Cutting deep into his fiber. 

The first piano tiles started playing and his heart was already sinking. Hearing her voice so raw and close and clear sent shivers down his spine. He heard every single word you said. It described perfectly that horrible and forgettable night you broke up. Hearing your voice crack broke his heart into a million pieces. It wasn't even half of the song when he started crying. He knew what he said under his breath that sent you both straight into hell. He felt so guilty about everything. He really just wished to talk to you. 

When he started to hear the second song he knew it was about that race you went. He hoped to see you in the next one, and the next one. But you didn't go again. The lyrics were so real his skin felt every word. 

When he heard you saying that you felt sorry his tears streamed down his face more violently. He didn't recognize this person. But you always had this effect on him. With you he was a feeler, one that felt way too deeply. Unlike the person he shows to people. You always knew the real him. He couldn't lie to you. Even though you thought he would cheat on  you. He would never. Hearing you wanting to hold him broke his heart. Why did you both have to do this the hard way? Why didn't you just be happy with each other? He really missed you. He missed everything about you. Your presence around him. He was his best version with you. Now he feels like a ghost of who he used to be. 

The last song just ended him. 

‘Do you remember being happy together? I do, don't you? Then all of the sudden, you’re sick to your stomach. Is that still true?’ he whipped his tears the best he could. 

You never called her or told her you missed her. But he guessed you would have liked it like that. 

‘everything i know brings me back to us. Everywhere I go leads me back to you’ he felt the same. 

He didn't know what to do. He had a battle inside him. He promised himself he would stay away from you so you could be happy just like you deserved. But at the same time he wanted to be happy and he knew you made him happy. He was happy with you. 

“So? Call her please oscar. You both deserve to be happy and figure things out along the way, together”

Hattie read his mind. Her text just in time when he is back into the silent apartment. The empty and cold apartment that once was full of laughter and music because you were with him. He missed you so much. He missed hearing you play guitar rumbling words then writing them down. You hugged when he was back home, you cuddled in bed when he was sad, your perspective on things. He missed every detail about you.

But was he ready to come back to you?

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘ ∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

author's note: SO I DELETED IT BY MISTAKE AND I HAD TO REDO IT :(((((((( i've never been this sad but I hope you like it anyway. (This like a 2.0 version) it's the longest fic i've ever written and i love it sm :,) oscar piastri i deeply love you.

idk if I should do a part 2, should I?

also shout to to my international friends nikola and sonny, you girls at the best mwak mwak 💌

don't forget to like, reblog or comment! and follow me so we can be friends :3 (and drink mate together)

[river13245]

The Angels Protector

Navigation / Castiel Masterlist

The sun had started to go down as you were driving back to the bunker. You had one job and that was to find a way to bring Jack back. Castiel had a special relationship with Jack he was like his own son and you had noticed the toll it had started to take on him when he died.

You knew about how Jack had killed Mary and had done things because the angels were using him. But the Jack that you knew wouldn't do something like that. So you were determined to find out how to bring him back so you could help him.

Dean would be so pissed with you but you could deal with him later when he did end up finding out. Right now you just wanted to get to the bunker and crawl into bed and just hope that your angel of a boyfriend would get into bed with you.

After an hour you had pulled up in front of the bunker. You grab your bag and throw it over your shoulder and start to walk in. What you heard when you entered made you place your bag by the door and walk into the living room.

You see Dean with his arms crossed looking at Cas and your boyfriend looks frustrated. Dean is looking at him as if he cant stand to look at him. Cas was explaining to him about how he had to do what he did even when he knew it would mess up the plan.

Of course Dean wasn't listening to him since he only cared about what he thought was right. What caught you off guard was when Dean looked straight at Cas and said "you know we do sometimes have plans fail and we have problems. But you always seem to be the cause of all these problems" There's a pause and your boyfriend speaks "what are you saying Dean?"

Dean was predictable he always lashed out at other people when things didnt go his way. You knew where this was headed so you look over at him and shake your head warning him to not finish what he was going to say. It didnt stop him. "You didnt tell us that Jack had been acting strange and then he killed my mom. You didnt stick to the plan and look where its gotten us. You are the problem Cas"

The glare you had on Dean could kill him if looks could kill. Castiel stood there and took it because he knew that what he said was partially true. But wouldn't you want to protect your kid and make sure that you were right before causing everyone to attack them. He also believed that he was the problem. Hell he spent most of the years doing everything he could to help just so he could fight that voice in his head.

A minute or so passes and Castiel just turns around and walks straight past you and to the door. "where are you going?" Dean asks and Cas looks back at him "Jacks gone, everyone is out doing their own things. Its time I leave especially when my time here is done" He leaves it at that and walks out and Dean doesnt try to stop him.

Dean goes to the kitchen and grabs a beer and then asks if you would like one. That sets you off because he just acts as if nothing happened. "are you fucking serious right now?" a scoff escapes you as you try to control yourself. Its not often you let out any anger or snap at people. You and Dean were very similar you just handled your anger better than he did and were more emotional.

He looks at you a little surprised by your outburst. "Yes I'm serious its not my problem he left after screwing us over" This causes you to walk straight up to him and punch him in the face. The skin and bone that hits your knuckles hurt but damn does it satisfy you. Dean doesn't try to even hit back. Not that he has the time too because your already speaking to him in such a tone that would make anyone shiver.

Looking up at him you defend your boyfriend who wouldnt do it himself because he cares to much about what dean and everyone else thinks of him. "Castiel does his best to keep the two of you safe. Yes does he sometimes fail but so have you guys. You have been too late to save Sam and vice versa. Hell other poeple have died to save your asses. Castiel has done so much good for you, for us, for the world. He turned his back on the angels and god himself after he spent who knows how many years he has spent loyal to them. He stays awake for days just to make sure there is always a way that all of this ends well for all of us. So ill be damned if you ever speak that way to him or about him like that again. Next time you ever tell him that he is the cause of all the shit things that have happened you will be on the floor"

Dean who is your best friend just stares at you. As if he is contemplating on what to say but turns out he doesn't have to cause Sam had heard everything and he clears his throat. Turning your head you look over at him and Sam and he is giving you a apologetic look. "y/n Dean he just-" you cut him off by shaking your head and grabbing your bag. "don't try to apologize for him."

When you get to the door you look back "I love you boys. You guys are my family but ill be damned if you talk to someone that i love like that."

-----

When you get your things into the car you start to head home. You could only hope that Castiel would be there. He wasn't home often because he was always out and you were always helping someone with something but you knew he wasn't feeling the greatest right now.

Your angel he wasn't fragile by any means because man did he look good beating the shit out of someone. However that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel things, he's an emotional man and you love that about him because so are you. he's better at keeping them in check than you are but you wanted to spend tonight taking care of him.

As you arrive to your cabin that the both of you had found empty a few months ago during a case you cant help but just hope that he was there somewhere. When you walk in and close the door there's no sign of life anywhere. "damnit Cas"

Walking to your bedroom you put your bag down and then go back down to the kitchen and make a sandwich for you and for Cas. Even with knowing that he didn't have to eat you still liked to include him and he would also always go along with it just to spend time with you. Once you place the sandwiches on a plate you close your eyes and you begin to speak to your boyfriend hoping he would come to you.

Taking a deep breath you begin "Castiel, my angel, come home please. I made food and can put on a movie" You weren't really good with words something in common you had with the Winchester brother but you hoped it was enough.

When you open your eyes to see he hadn't come a sigh leaves you and you go and pick out a movie to watch. One that you have watched hundreds of times but haven't seen in a while. So as you sit down you hear a voice from the door way. "y/n"

Your name that's the only thing you need to hear to know that he isn't doing well. The way his voice is strained as if he had been forcing so many emotions down. Looking over you see how small he looks as if the world is weighing on his shoulders. As you place down your plate of sandwiches you hold out your arms and he walks to you and sits beside you resting his head on your chest. "Castiel I'm so sorry"

He shakes his head and then looks at you and kisses your cheek "its not your fault. He is right I should have found better ways to help instead of-" You place your hands on his and squeeze them "don't think like that. You did everything right you cant control everything. Not even god himself can"

In return he squeezes your hand "I just hate that I cant do more. But I don't know what else to do. I'm so lost" You bring your hands to the sides of his face gently and nods. "well how about we eat and watch this movie. Let us both relax for a little while hm?"

"yeah that would be fine" He sits back and gets comfortable then you yourself get comfortable and play the movie. As it starts to play you hear a small laugh escape from the man behind you. "How to lose a guy in 10 days again really?"

"you love this movie and you know it" The angel smirks at your words and throughout the movie his eyes never leave the screen while your mind runs a thousand miles per minute. Even as you start to fall asleep but before you do you place a soft kiss to his lips. "you know i would do anything for you right?" He nods "i know y/n. Sam told me what you did after i left. You didnt have to"

A scoff escapes you as your hand rests on his side. "i know i didnt have to but Dean had no right coming at you like that"

"Dean means well he just. i dont know. we will figure it out tomorrow. Right now you need sleep" he says and you nod in response and close your eyes.

[candy-red-river]

I wish the ranfren fandom was different here's why

Recently I had a conversation with a friend, which reminded me of things i liked, which reminded me of why i liked ranfren in the first place before i changed drastically.

many months ago, I was out of the hazbin fandom i was exausted and didnt feel like talking to anyone. so i rested and slept as much as i could. when i woke up i felt different, it was one of those times when i would check out strange and surreal media, only stronger. i watched vinesauce, played yume nikki for the first time and adored it,watched vinny play hylics one, and at some point ranren was recomended to me on youtube. i dont remember which one it was but after looking it up on youtube i watched some more vids, the one with nyon and luther particualrly caught my attention because it reminded me of another artist i liked. i had also left another fandom but my memory is sludge. i decided to dig deeper under the assumption that it was made by the same artist i liked, just a longer time ago

the stuff surrounding it shaped my first impressions on ranfren, it was surreal and sounded interesting, it looked like something else so i associated it with other strange media and assumed it would have a mostly quiet theorist fandom with a couple of fan arts but mostly people talking about it was a work of art and expression. (funny fact, i actually disliked randal at first since he looked so anime compared to everyone else, i thought he'd be a yandere side character but i was wrong. i eventually liked him over tim but looking back it corresponds a bit too well with my negative change)

I was wrong. That frustrated me. all i saw was fan art and it just made me feel, empty.

I was hoping i'd find theories, discussuin, analysis, talk about the different parts of the website, talk about its themes and how people felt about it, but i just got the same stuff over and OVER again, which is when i started making theory posts about ranfren, hoping i'd find more people who liked ranfren for more than just it's characters and surface level stuff.

And it worked!! but what happened after is hella complicated so i'll summerize it, when i wouldn't talk to people i'd get bored, so i constantly made new friends in the fandom. eventually i made a friend who i became obsessed with but over time we talked less and less which stressed me out to an extreme degree. eventually today i just had to unfriend them as we refused to block eachother and i wanted to speak to them when i was lessneurotic. which lead my to the first paragraph of this post.

after watching an analysis on something i liked, i felt something and self reflected.

I had become the problem i had in the first place and it had left me nothing but madness in return.

however, it also made me realize something else, why i didn't like the fandom in the first place.

the ranfren fandom doesn't feel like how it should be. ranfren is a free indie project on a website that's almost structure like an arg if you dig though some of the pages, it's surreal self expression from a near illusive person ho keeps themselves private.

yet the fandom reflects none of it, all the fan content feels nearly one dimensional and barely talks about the source material itself aside from it's characters. but nothing else.

all the fandom cares about is social pleasure as well as parasoocial, fanart, shipping, ocs, it all feels so self indulgent in the end without mutuality or respect for ech other, the creator of ranfren, or the project itself. it's shallow water that dries out FAST and it's not sustainable.

the fandom is filled to the brim with hormonal immature teenagers who care nothing for substance, only using ranfren and it's community as a vessel for interaction, not something to enjoy by itself or talk about in a non hypersocial way.

treating the creator like some internet celebrity that they want a piece of instead of a faceless stranger online.

I wish th fandom was a little more quiet, a little more calmer, a little more considerate, and a little more older and that is frankly all i ask by making this post. take of it what you will.

[abigailxoxo]

fic recommendations part 3: Kai🔥

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154861 -a collection of unrelated one shots where Kai doesn’t do well in the cold!! I love this series a lot

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47340898 Nya doesn't understand why Kai won't spar with her. Is he really that protective of her, or is something else wrong? [some sibling angst +comfort featuring Kai’s fear of water]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41464731 “I don’t care about your stupid bear!” Kai yelled.

“No,” Zane cut in softly. He stood up and placed a hand on Kai’s shoulder. “But you do care about Jay. And Jay cares about the bear.” [basically Kai helping the ninja to show he cares for them]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31443812/chapters/77772008-Kai is grieving over the loss of Zane between seasons 3 and 4. His friends and family work to balance out Kai's more extreme traits. But what happens when he is left alone with all the pain and guilt burning inside him? [Or kais very bad way of coping. angsty and a couple Tws in the tags!]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42144636/chapters/105809082 -Kai feels left out from the ninja, and starts to overthink. Suddenly he meets this “buisness” man in the desert, who gives off suspicious vibes, offering to help kai in the future. [CHECK THE TAGS!!! not much interaction with the ninja until towards the end, but a very good plot + end]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39025779 Kai, Nya, and the others are invited to dinner with the smiths soon after Hot. However, neither seemed to the fact that 1) Kai and Nya are now grown people, and 2) they hardly know each other [basically kai getting frustrated with his parents and snapping angst but happy ending :))]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41910219?view_full_work=true -Kai gave himself the task of getting Cole a gift. How hard can it be? [THIS IS SO CUTE AHHH FT COLE X KAI]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/32194186/chapters/79773796 Five times Kai provided comfort for the other ninja when they were having a rough time.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48889378 the team scrambles to last minute celebrate Kai's 17th birthday (and get his age wrong) [this is so cute bcuz kai isnt used to his bd being celebrated 🥹💕]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607038 All his life, Kai has had to work for himself to stay alive and keep his little sister alive. Now he's been thrown into a team he doesn't trust. But can he find it in himself to trust others to help him save his sister and himself? [the teams first mission together with chaos and kai almost drowning..]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42952665/chapters/107915217 5 times kai lost his temper and 1 time he didnt

https://archiveofourown.org/works/41946786/chapters/105283755 Kai and Jay are tasked with guarding a mysterious artifact, at the museum.To no one's surprise, things don't go well.

Or: I hit Kai with the ouch stick for a while. [AHHH I LOVE THIS FIC. READ THE TAGS!!]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/42456837/chapters/106628268 the three times kai has ever cried in public, and the two times he was comforted.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43105782 The solar eclipse will be happening soon. Kai wishes he could share the city's enthusiasm. [basically kai needs more sunlight than a normal human and gets VERY SICK during the eclipse]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47019439 Jay reached out with his hands despite being aware of the futility of the action. He was too far away and Nya wasn’t intending on coming back. That realisation dawned on all of them. Except for one. [Kai cant handle the fact that nya is gone.]

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2986323 LITERALLY A ADORABLE SERIEE OF LAVA ONESHOTS. I ADORE THEM ALL

https://archiveofourown.org/works/48031378/chapters/121106653 hc that kai and cole got drunkley married one night.

they completely forgot about it until a mission gone wrong ended up with cole in the hospital, the doctors wouldn't let them in, ('cos they weren't blood family or some bs reason like that) and kai just lost it and yelled "that's my husband!" (cole x kai)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29963463/chapters/73761240 After Kai's life suddenly comes to a fiery end, he makes a deal so he can continue his purpose of protecting his family. He just didn't expect to come back as something so... cute and fluffy..

https://archiveofourown.org/works/40972503?view_full_work=true#main Kai is kidnapped and buried alive, left to die. When acute claustrophobia starts to sink in, it doesn’t go go great. Not even after the others rescue him.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11732480/1/Breaking-the-Ice kai falls through thin ice on there first mission when they dont get along very well

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12959261/1/ 5 times kai hid a injury and one time where he didnt succeed

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/12768259/1/ 5 times kai lost his temper and one time the ninja lost theres (ft Kai’s fear of water in last chapter)

https://www.tumblr.com/scrambledfluffmuffins/704010233406701568/spice-and-everything-nice Kai, in both a show of brotherly love and brotherly pride, attempts to outdo his siblings in a test of all things spice and chocolate.

https://www.tumblr.com/lloydskywalkers/187747637775/flickerA story about Kai and the warmth he brings to himself and others (in cuddles)

https://www.tumblr.com/scrambledfluffmuffins/659455541321596928/from-what-it-was

Kai reflects on all the changes in the team post-s7 (mostly abt there hair)

lmk if any of the links dont work, i was kinda rushed making this lol. so this isnt all of the fics i have saved, but some!! (guess who my fav character is challenge)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for saying that I was worried a friend might be making his mental state worse

I (F18) and my now previous best friend (M18) have been friends since 7th grade, and graduated just last year. My friend has had mental issues for as long as we've been friends (anxiety, depression, DID) and has always been very, very drug adverse. Going as far as having drugs mentioned making him really uncomfortable for years and years. But this last year, our senior year, he started getting really friendly with the idea of starting to smoke. This caused an argument between us, as weed is known for causing mental issues to get worse, specifically its known for causing early onset psychosis, and considering he's had episodes similar before I was worried it would make things worse for him. He told me to step back and get out of his business. So I did.

About a month or so after this, he texted me and said that he was experiencing knee pain and asked if when I got to school (I was running late) if he could have some Tylenol, (I have a medical issue and I have to keep anti inflammatory's on my person or i risk paralyzation) and i said yes, because why wouldn't I, me and him have given one another over the counter pain meds all the time in the past. I had a brand new bottle of 250 pills of 500mg dosage, and well I was pulling out the bottle, I asked how many he wanted, (so I could give him one or two) but he asked if I could just hand him the bottle because both of us we're late to class and he didn't wanna be too late. And, as he's borrowed bottles of pain meds from me before for years, I said sure.

A little over an hour later I was called to the front office, where the bottle was placed onto the desk, and the administrator asked if it was mine, and I said yes, because it was my bottle of tylenol. and she gave it back to me, and told me to go back to class, I asked if my friend was in the nurses office or something, but she just told me to go to class. and that they dont give out medical information on students

I texted my friend asking what happened but he never answered, So at this point, I was freaking out. I texted his younger sister and asked if he was ok (we're also friends) but she didnt know that anything happened at all. At this point I entered a class I have multiple friends in and started having a meltdown worrying for the worst. his sister called their mom, and relayed to me that he was in the hospital. I poured out the entire bottle of tylenol and counted out every single one of them to find out that he took 12 500mg pills of Tylenol

I was called to the office again they had me give them all of my tylenol, and then they asked for any other drugs i had, I told them I don't have drugs, and then they confiscated my ibuprofen and the benydryl I keep on my person, and then because I kept them in my first aid kit, they confiscated my bandaids and neosporin.

he lived, was diagnosed with bpd, schizophrenia, and somethging else i dont remember. and there was a huge problem with the school, and they put me down as a drug dealer, made me do meetings with the student handler, called my parents. Its only the fact his mom didnt press charges that kept me from going to court. I suffered with severe guilt problems for months and months, relapsed into hurting myself, and it was just. bad. (months later, he went on to try to kill himself again, this time by overdosing on his perscribed anxiety meds in the school a second time)

during this time, he would start ghosting my messages, and when I asked him about it, he told me he wasn't mad at me, told me he didnt have any issues with me, he just felt bad we hadn't hung out in a while. So, I scheduled to hang out. and he cancelled. 5 times in a row. when driving a mutual friend home, I was discussing that I was frustrated, and worried about him. During this, I mentioned the argument we had about him smoking, and I mentioned that I thought it might be related to his mental state worsening. (he stopped smoking after the first suicide attempt) (and started smoking again a few monthes before the second attempt)

over the summer i would invite him to hang out several times, he declined every time, he invited me to hang out, but it felt like he intentionally planned for times he knew I couldn't make it for. (continualy on the day I work every week) Or on the few times we could. I would show up, and he would leave within the next 30 minutes, even if we had planed beforehand to be doing somethign for a while.

when I messaged him about 3 month ago (after three consecutive failed hang outs in a row) I found he had blocked me on everything. phone number, discord, instagram, tumblr. With no message, no word, didn't tell me at all what I did wrong or what hapened

just tonight I found out that he blocked me and wont interact with me because He says, that I said that it was his own fault that he tried to kill himself and that he was diagnosed with schizophrenia. (not what he said, he wont talk to me, I heard through third party source, so theres a chance that im not getting the message right)

I feel this isnt what I said at all. but, idk, I feel very guilty about it, I want to apologize to him. but I don't know how, its not like i can message him, and we dont ever see each other anymore because were graduated and doing different things.

am i the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[gabessquishytum]

Wrote this in my notes first in case it gets lost, bc ive sent asks into ur box a couple of times before and i didnt think they sent? So;

Inspired by a pwp fic from the GO fandom, dub con where Dream's a hotshot CEO who's office is in the penthouse floor of the building, and Hob's the window washer.

Dream's got the whole exhibitionism thing, so imagine he regularly fucks himself in his office chair, legs spreads on the armrests facing the world. He's always assumed nobody could see him, I mean. No cameras in the office and hes on the 83rd floor on one of the highest skyscraper in the city, who's looking, right? He gets a kick out of the FEELING of being impossibly watched though, and it makes him cum harder than he ever could in any club or orgy. Hes usually so into it that hes not paying any actual attention to the wide open windows he's got his holes facing, so he doesnt notice when somebody...finally DOES see.

The exterior of the windows get washed on a twice every 3 months basis, on a rotation. Its a dangerous, expensive job, so theres not a lot of guys on hire and its usually the same ones. What Im trying to say is Hob's been doing this a long time and hes good at what he does. He usually gets to see Dream, even if the CEO doesnt notice him right back, and he has to admit he has a lil crush on the guy (I mean who wouldn't). Some new kid gets into a Fall and the schedule gets fucked up without Dream knowing and Hob gets the full Dream Holes treatment.

Dream doesnt notice him there practically the whole time. Hob's taken his phone out and he's recorded the almost the whole thing, every moan and orgasm and flex of muscle and flesh. He just plans to keep it to himself and jack off with it, but on the last second Dream opens his eyes and they lock eyes and he freezes like a cornered animal.

Hob raises his eyebrows. Mouths "dont let me stop you.", one hand holding a phone up and recording the other hand fondling the bulge on the front of his pants. Dream takes one look at the obscene tent the front of hsi pants and cums so hard he squirts and stains the windows. Hob smirks.

Something something Hob blackmails him with the video to let Hob fuck him on a regular basis. Maybe in the office itself. It'll certainly tick a kink off right both of their lists.

Omg hi!! So sorry your messages haven't been getting through before now, that's super annoying. Please feel free to message me at any time in the future if you're wondering whether I got your ask or not. I know it can feel a bit anxious wondering what happened to your message <3

Anyway: this is amazing and I am. EXTREMELY into it. I got a little happy wiggle thinking about Dream squirting onto the window, hoooly shit.

Hob is such a dirty bastard omg. Like he may clean those windows until they shine but he is FILTHY. He's got absolutely no qualms about filming that video in the first place, and then using it as blackmail material. He's just never seen such a pretty cunt, and he wants to remember it. And if Dream didn't want him to see those lovely holes then why'd he show them off like that?

Dream isn't going to admit it but he's enjoying this blackmail thing waaay more than he should. It's been a long time since he had a decent dick inside him, and he knew ever since he saw the bulge that Hob would be big. Dream takes great satisfaction in pushing Hob down into his leather desk chair and climbing onto his cock to ride. He's got a lot of frustration to work out and Hob is the perfect solution. His big hands go around Dream’s waist just right, and his cock hits places that no one else ever has. Plus he can be quiet. And he makes sure that Dream is quiet, too. Stuffs a pair of panties or a tie in his mouth if necessary.

Dream is working on persuading Hob to fuck him on the mechanical platform he uses for the window cleaning business. Hob argues that whole city could see them. Dream counters that that's the whole point.

[missnobodymadness]

Ayo hope you are having a great day! Im no good in asks but i had one in mind, and an oc interaction question:

I see that Myline survives. Did she had any reaction to losing any of the Akatsuki members? Or she didnt react at all?

Also if she were to meet Rinto as a fellow member, and get to know him, what would she think of him??

Hiii!

First of all I'd like to thank you for the ask, it really means a lot to me to see people showing some interest on my characters. ♥

And no worries! Your asks were actually very interesting and I am happy to answer them as best as I can!

Yes, Myline survives and is still alive in Boruto! While she can be seen as a stoic person, Myline actually feels a bit too much, she was just forced to oppress her emotions all her life. Despite being hard to approach, she actually had some very strong bonds within the Akatsuki organization, such as Konan, Nagato, Itachi, Deidara and Kisame. Itachi death destroyed her, she had lost her soul mate after all. Unfortunately for her, she had no time to rest and proccess his loss properly because she had to focus on her pregnancy as she was very close to give birth at the time, she tried to keep going as best as she could, for both of them and her child.

Since these two deaths happened pretty close to each other, she only finds out about Deidara's death when she gets back looking for Obito. She took it badly and got really mad as she felt that Deidara's death was totally unnecessary and could have been avoided if he wasn't so petty, she then remembered their fights and how she always used to tell him that his stubbornness and spiteful nature would be his demise and finally allowed herself to cry a bit.

Shortly after she loses Nagato, Kisame and then Konan, her bond with Nagato and Konan, especially the latter, was really strong, possibly as strong as Itachi's. Once again she felt like she was being punished for everything bad she had done in her life, she couldn't believe she had just lost her best friend Konan, her inspiration Nagato and the guy she loved to have deeper conversations with, aka Kisame, but little did she know that Konan had met her demise at Obito's hands. As always, she directed her growing hate towards the wrong person and village because she unfortunately does that a lot, she didn't do anything to aveng due to her current vulnerability state and she regrets it because her hate still consumes her sometimes.

Also, Obito, he pretty much raised her after Madara's death, so she had a bond with him, a toxic one because of how abusive he was to her, but still a bond. Their bond was very fragile at the time, as she had found out what truly happened to her best friend very recently. At the time of his death she was already trapped under the Infinite Tsukuyomi genjutsu, she didn't saw it happen but eventually felt some grief for him once everything ended, mostly because she still felt she owed him her life.

Overall we can see by her actions in Boruto that she has somehow developed some sort of a traumatic response to all these losses (example: Avoiding interacting with people, running away even though she was finally starting to be more welcome in Konoha, etc), she surely needed time to proccess everything, it was all too fast and during her most vulnerable moment (aka pregnancy and motherhood), because of that and the inability to mourn, everything accumulated, building anger, frustration and loneliness inside her.

As for her interaction with Rinto if they ever met, I feel like at first she wouldn't be very friendly, but that's not Rinto's fault at all, she just has too many layers to peel and it takes some time to get under them. It also depends on the situation, but Rinto has a big advantage with Myline: His relationship with Itachi and Kisame. I feel like his bond with them would help making their interactions easier as they would have a common ground for starters. Myline would certainly appreciate the fact that Rinto cares about them enough to get protective over them. Something that I am sure Myline would be amazed to see is Rinto's shapeshifting abilities!

According to the information you once gave me, Rinto seems to be a respectful person, or at least respectful towards his Akatsuki fellow members, which is something Myline really appreciates so I feel like they'd respect each other mutually and get along even if only casually, bonus points if Rinto is into deep conversations and books, then she'd probably love him and spend some time discussing interesting topics and perspectives. xD The good thing about Myline is that if Rinto manages to get under her layers, he will have a very loyal friend for the rest of his or her life (depending on who would die first of course eheh) as Myline is extremely loyal to the ones she cares about.

They are both driven by something in common though: Protecting the ones they care and love. Myline would certainly respect that.

ALSOOO, if I remember right, Rinto doesn't get along with Hidan either, right? Because I can already imagine Myline and Rinto reforcing each other stances about him during the Akatsuki reunions/meetings just to get on his nerves and then blame him when things escalate. LMAO

Thank you so so much once again, I had lots of fun answering these questions! :D

[evilguywhoisevil]

harukAUTISM? its more likely than you think

he has not been formally diagnosed up until being in zool, as

kujo does not know or care much about autism.

neither does his grandmother, and she wouldn't be able to take him any specialist appointments either.

haruka only gets diagnosed in the first place because his PCP has seen him long enough to recognize his autistic tendencies (quick to frustration, difficulty with expressing emotion/communication, nervous avoiding eye contact, "immature" for his age, etc) and suggest he see a specialist.

he would ruminate on it for a bit, and would open up slightly after being prodded to because touma noticed he was feeling nervous. haruka doesn't state that its an autism diagnosis he's seeking- haruka isn't 100% certain that he even has autism in the first place (he doesn't know much about it), and he doesn't wanna look like an idiot if it turns out he doesn't.

so he goes to the specialist right. alone. which makes him nervous, and especially since he's the oldest patient there. (he can't seek an adult diagnosis yet, and the only doctors office within range is aimed at young children and toddlers).

by a stroke of luck, the doctor he sees actually can recognize autism in teenagers, and is easy to talk to. haruka still has to be probed a bit, as otherwise he wouldn't report traits that he has because he's autistic. ('huh??? most people can tolerate clashing fabric textures and temperatures *without* feeling constant discomfort and pain?? what do you mean teens my age don't cry so easily??? n-not that i cry *that* often!')

some sessions pass. they're kinda expensive but haruka is learning so much and is both relieved he has answers and is frustrated he just didn't know this sooner. ('it's his fault, right? i mean, the doctor mentioned a lot of people turn to online support groups if they don't have anyone else to talk to about autism... he could have done something like that and saved himself so much issues...')

he opens up about the nature of the sessions to touma- after a few sessions, zool would have known he has doctors visits *for something* but would not have cared enough to ask for more information. (before zool becomes real friends obviously). the thing is, touma talks loud. not on purpose. haruka tells him to keep it down (he doesnt want anyone else to know just yet). unfortunately, someone does overhear. torao. he didnt hear much, but he did hear touma ask haruka how long he's known about the autism. (not super long, haruka would reply). torao knows very little about autism outside of the times hes heard the related slur used as an insult. even then he hasnt heard that term much. what torao *does* know is that autism is a 'disease', and given how often harukas been going to the doctor for a while it must be at least somewhat serious... it is in these circumstances that torao makes a fatal error of assuming that autism and aneurysms are related in someway due to how theyre spelled and pronounced. he also doesnt know what an aneurysm is, only that its lethal. later that day, after zool is done practicing their choreography (which torao struggled with, distracted by the idea that haruka has some kind of fatal disease), torao talks to haruka in private. haruka does not know why this is happening or why torao is so serious for once. torao offers to cover any medications, visits, or hospital stays haruka needs. ('did he find out', haruka thinks, 'but how?! i was so careful to be quiet about it. touma must have told him, jerk... but why would i need a hospital stay...?') it is not until torao also offers to help haruka experience more adult things (alcohol and women mostly) in case he doesnt make it long enough to experience himself is that haruka suspects something is seriously wrong. 'gross! dont just bring those up for no reason', haruka begins, 'and im not- why are you acting like im dying??' torao frowns. sure, he doesnt know haruka well (at this point in time), and what he does know about haruka paints him as a childish, immature teenager, but hes still a kid. he hasnt even had the chance to grow up, and he doesnt have any guardians that hes mentioned that would be able to properly care for him. haruka is trying to navigate having a terminal condition (the deadly disease known as autism aka an aneurysm which is definitely a progressive illness and not something you die very quickly from) all by himself. hes not that heartless, of course torao would want to help him out. now more so since haruka seems adamant on pretending like nothing is wrong. torao just shakes his head at harukas response, tells him he doesnt have to explain the details if he doesnt want to yet and that he wont pry. haruka is still terribly confused and hopes that torao isnt doing some weird form of pity towards his autism... or that torao thinks hes dying. unfortunately, ryou, out of the goodness of his heart (and not out of boredom and desire to torment them in a group setting) was there to pickup his favorite idol group and invite them to a delicious dinner at his apartment! they'll come, right? its not like they have anything better to do, right? it's not like they'll be somewhere where he can't find them, right?

he has minami and touma but goes back with them into the dance room to get haruka and torao (he notes those two don't interact on their own very much, this must be something secretive? how fun!) and the three of them end up overhearing the entire conversation.

ryou is mad. its not like he cares about harukas health that much, but he put in so much effort into finding and training his guy to be an anti-idol and he's just gonna die!? asshole, how could he just leave like this. (at least when momo did it, he wasn't on the verge of death).

touma cannot hide his shock, and probably ends up barging into the room koolaid man style. 'HUH??? ISUMI YOU'RE DYING???' minami is considerably less emotional but is still visibly worried (as much as she can she's willing to show at least). haruka starts sputting out a defense, a clarification, an insult- his brain takes too long to decide what he will say and ryou cuts him off. basically blames haruka for dying and starts whining that itll be so hard to find another boar in his place and that he could have at least waited until they finished doing their upcoming music video. touma reasonably gets mad at ryou for this and asks what the hell is wrong with him and ryou threatens him with murder (again) and is getting the sickest side eye from minami and torao. haruka just blurts out that he ISN'T dying and he cant believe that everyone in this room is so incredibly stupid (minami will remember this) to think of something so crazy when all he has is AUTISM! and immediate regret. ryou gives haruka a distinct look, probably disgust and annoyance. minami is quietly relieved, touma is overtly relived, and torao doesn't feel any better until after ryou says 'that's it? but i was looking forward to seeing you in a hospital bed! you got my hopes up for nothing, all you idols are the same.' and his mood is sooo sour that he doesn't even want to torment zool *at that moment* (the plans he had for dinner wouldn't be good enough at this point for the level of disappointment he feels) and ends up ditching all 4 of them. torao, who is still somewhat unaware, asks why ryou was disappointed when haruka still has a 'disease' and then has to be explained by all 3 of his bandmates that autism doesn't kill you. ('and stop talking about it like it's contagious! ugh, you're so dumb sometimes you make touma look smart.' -haruka).

[the-vixen]

𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐜𝐨𝐥 : 𝙀𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙃𝙪𝙣𝙩 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

PART 12 PART 13 PART 14 -------- MASTERLIST

When you are sent on a mission to rescue Ethan Hunt from prison, the events that domino will force you to face the ghosts of your past and your guilt tied to Ethan.

This takes place throughout the events of ghost protocol. There will be a change in the story and the events of the mission impossible 2 and 3. Ethan and Julia never got married, a certain amount of information will be changed that will be revealed in the story.

You sighed as you dumped your old bandages, after replacing them with a fresh one. According to Jane you lost a good amount of blood by the time you went to go help brandt; killing wistrom in the process. 

She was upset by your disobedience, you could've stayed and covered Benji in the time she went to provide backup to Brandt. 

You were a little bit out of it by then, but Brandt got you help in time. 

Now you were in Seattle. 

Ethan took a lot of damage while stopping Hendricks, as usual in Ethan Hunt fashion, he drove a car off a ramp and let it drop 100 meters to the ground. He was in the hospital for a couple of weeks before being discharged. 

The IMF was back in the process of being reinstated, most of the work had already been done, just yours and Benji's evaluation, Brandt's position and Jane's ranking left in processing. 

Ethan had met up with Luther, catching up with him after his time away and updating him on what happened during the mission. You missed Luther, but you haven't spoken to him lately either.

Of course, only Ethan would blurt out "mission accomplished" while aborting a nuclear warhead. 

He had requested the rest of the team to meet him there, you didnt go. 

Not that it mattered, you've been listening to everything Ethan's been saying by bugging his table. 

Classy. 

But you couldn't bring yourself to see Ethan again, not anymore now that he had no reason to stick around with you either. You didnt see him when he was at the hospital but you did send little tidbits to keep him entertained under an anonymous identity. 

You knew that Ethan knew it was you, the two of you used to play games like this and follow a language that only the two of you could speak. 

You just also knew you didnt have the courage to meet him face to face again after the kiss. Even more so if Jane told him you got hurt again cause of Wistrom. 

You listened to the bug, hearing how Ethan expressed his gratefulness that the team functioned well, and how he was glad that they ended up together. A bitter part of you felt like he wouldn't have been so positive and vocal about the mission going well if you were there. 

Maybe. 

But you knew Ethan was kind. He probably wouldn't do that. 

"y/n's not coming huh?" the sound of your name from his mouth making you stop. 

"no...havent heard much from her.." Jane shook her head. 

You swallowed and closed your eyes, continuing to listen as Ethan explained to Brandt that Julia didnt die, he just faked her death for her safety...for her protection. But as to why he went to prison, he just told him that he had his own reasons. He had to protect someone he cared about. 

Listening to Ethan reassure and reconcile with Brandt, putting the man at ease after the years of guilt hes faced, made you wonder again. 

Why not you?

Why didnt he do the same for you?

You wanted to kill that wounded part of you. 

That pathetic part of you that's probably metamorphosed your platonic feelings for Ethan into feelings of love. 

"Are you ever gonna see me again?" Ethan's voice came through, snapping you out of your thoughts. You looked at your laptop. 

"its impressive...bugging the table I would be on...bugging my hospital bed...bugging my apartment..." he spoke. "although I would've preferred to see your face. catch up." he spoke through to you. 

You bit your lip, a slight flare of confusion and frustration at his tone and statements. It feels like hes playing with you...just not in the way youre used to. 

You waited by your laptop, waiting for anything else to be said. 

At the stretch of silence, you disconnected the bug, getting ready to pack your stuff up. 

You weren't sure where'd you go, but you were not needed here. You only followed Ethan to Seattle to make sure hes okay. 

After packing your stuff, you heard the apartment door unlock. 

On alert, you grabbed your gun and headed for the door, suspicious at the presence of an intruder. Carefully, you walked out, your gun up and pointed in the direction of your attention. 

"move and I shoot." you turned to the front door, finding Ethan standing there with his hands in his hoodie pockets. 

Unexpected but unsurprised, you lowered your gun, "picked the lock?"

"yep."

"Already knew where I was?"

"yep." 

"Here to scold me some more?" You looked at him. 

Ethan shook his head and smiled softly, locking the door again behind him. You watched him in apprehension, putting the gun away. 

"what do you want Ethan?" you looked at him before walking into your room. 

He trailed behind you, "to talk. face to face preferably. it makes the conversation more interesting watching your reactions." he said. 

A smile quirked up your lips before you shoved it back down. It wasn't fair. He doesn't get to do that. You turned around, maintaining a poker face as you looked at him, "so talk."

"Im sorry. About how I treated you during the mission.." He began. 

You crossed your arms, "that doesn't cut it Ethan...you..you can't just..undermine me and treat me like a kid and then go and enact your hunches on me. Im not a sidekick for you to use and dispose." You sat down on your bed. 

Ethan's gaze analyzed you, before he took a step forward. "I had to make sure you were safe."

You shook your head, "if I wasn't safe the secretary wouldn't have put me on the mission--"

"--not that kind of safe." he interrupted. "your safety. I had to make sure your safety was---"

"--it still doesn't matter! I know I make mistakes but that can't be a reason for you to treat me so shittily. if it's a personal reason because I got you sent to prison then say that. be transparent. dont say shit like my safety mattered and then go and tell me you'd much prefer that I was out of the team completely!" you stood back up, upset. 

Ethan watched you, "you weren't the reason I went to Rankov Y/n.." he said, making you scoff as your emotions bubbled up. "dont give me that bs Ethan...I know. the secretary all but confirmed it. You went to prison after rescuing Julia cause of the Ukraine mission fuck up and the Serbians that followed you to Moscow. you took the punishment because you were responsible for keeping me in line and I didnt listen to you and got the asset killed. it was my fault and youre upset about it so youve been unable to trust me and that's why you've been treating me like shit--" 

"Y/n you weren't the reason I went to rankov! you were in a coma!" Ethan snapped. 

"What?"

[clockworkcheetah]

not me coming here with an analysis on the 2x07 brotzly arguement that nobody wants. this kinda fell into me going and aNOTHER THING, but i'll try and keep it vaguely coherent

also these are just interpretations/theorising- they're just ideas to chew on. obviously i'm coming to todds defense a little bit here (lbr he gets the most flack for a scene where i dont think anyones to blame) and at the end of the day its just a bit of fun innit

firstly and the main take here:

dirk did not want to be comforted right then and there. sounds a little odd, right? when you're upset you expect someone to hug you and tell you everything's fine. well... not always. especially when you're angry. especially when you're someone who needs time to process everything. he didn't want to be touched- throughout s2 he flinches away from todd (2x03) and he often uses something to shield himself- a cushion/the filing cabinet (2x03 and 2x04). he also distances himself from everyone when obviously upset. aka he wants space. the point is, todd picked up on that. he isnt gonna try and give dirk a comfort hug because how well would that go down, really? also i will point out in that scene todd never does try and touch dirk- when he notices dirk's upset, he kneels down close and speaks softly, but doesn't go further. it's similar to other times- close, but doesn't touch- dirk actually puts the distance between them. compared to how beast is with dirk, how BW treats dirk too, and how miserable he is the entire time with unwanted touching.

what todd normally does- and what seems to have worked before, is words of encouragement- they inspire him! except... he didnt want todd's words of encouragement or pep talks this time. at that point they would be just empty words, completely meaningless. he very clearly wasn't in the state of mind where any of that would've helped to me, i think dirk just really needed to vent and rage and eventually cool off and be in a better enough mental state to actually talk it through. but it's entirely possible even then he wouldn't wanna talk to todd- he clearly has a lot of self-blame to what has happened to him, even if todd doesnt blame him for that. and thats not todd's fault for not knowing that (todd not knowing will come up alot). hes not a mind reader, he has other priorities, and todd's own mental state isn't exactly great in s2, either. (another reason that occured to me why dirk might not talk to todd even afer he had time to process is the simple fact that todd was there. he spoke to francis and beast about the events of either the spring or cardenas case. hell! he even unloaded onto hobbs within knowing him a few hours. yet with todd, he doesn't... he could've told todd about the timeloop, the spring case, ect, but he knew todd was going to be there. maybe i'm reaching but its interesting- and falls back onto dirk keeps todd at arm's length (this will also come up alot). might make another post on that specifically)

so lets talk about todd now. a lot of flack he gets is that he shouldn't have left dirk, his words were harsh and his frustration came out of nowhere

i've already dived into the leaving thing (although he didn't abandon dirk. i kind of hate that narrative- he didn't tie dirk to a tree in the middle of the woods and drive off) dirk didn't want to go, wasn't in the state of mind to go and todd had a motivation to go. todd didnt force dirk to come with- even though he very much wanted him to- and dirk didn't force todd to stay. (and amanda at this point was still his main priority- was this a good priority? no! his arc was learning to let her go. dirk wasn't todd's main focus throughout s2 and this isn't a revelation. dirk still mattered- todd didn't stop caring for dirk just because he went off on his own.) and yes maybe he should've indicated he was coming back more clearly, because like todd, dirk isn't a mind reader either (but i'll come back to the communication thing)

todd's words were harsh. they were, i'm not pretending they weren't and they're supposed to be, because the brotzmans tend to be harsh when angry. i'm not justifying, but i can think of reasons: 1. self-projection. pretty much all of todd's really angry moments (directed at patrick and dirk in 1x07 and also suzie in 2x10) you can tell he's talking about himself at the core of it. with 2x07, i'll admit this falls into fanon speculation, but this line: 'Friendship isn't just about someone being there for you. It about you being there for them too.' there's weight there. there's no way this was just said on a whim, imo. todd is friendless at the start of the show, and yeah his selfish choices fucked them all up- but i think people tried to be there for him, and he pushed them all away (and probably hates himself for that.) I don't think dirk's being selfish, but todd had a point in indicating people have been trying to help and dirk wasn't accepting it. from the audience's pov yeah, we know why. todd's pov? he's given speeches, coaxed dirk into talking to him, or to engage with the case (dirk's indicated plenty of times he's a detective and wants to do cases). he is trying in the friendship, but dirk keeps him at arms length. for todd this would eventually become frustrating. (once again, i'll come back to this) 2. the blackwing line. hoo boy. 'I'm sorry they didn't teach you that at Blackwing' like i said, i doubt this was suppose to be favourable to todd here. but, a thing to consider: he doesn't know how bad blackwing is. '"Blackwing," it's a defunct CIA program that's after Dirk.' (1x06) 'Well, they don't exactly let us just wander around the halls' (2x02) 'I was in a government prison for psychics.' (2x02) todd was def given a watered down version of BW. todd wouldn't have known dirk was small in there- he says he hasnt seen mona in 15 years, we dont know dirk's exact age, probably early-mid 30s, though. todd is likely imagining dirk to be late teens-early 20s- and no context to how long he was in there the first time. another thing is, dirk talks about BW in a particular way- with humour, he downplays the trauma, and plays up that ~he was in a psychic prison~ to impress people. so in todd's pov, BW almost sounds like a very strict school (like how teens describe school as a prison). of course dirk doesn't- and shouldn't- have to traumadump anything, but todd has a specific idea of BW that he's been holding to for two months with no corrections to it and no real context provided. to add to that, todd is woefully optimistic. all throughout s2 he was desperately holding onto hope for things to be what they were. at the end of s1 he seemed ok(ish) with letting amanda go, then he got her phonecall and he spiralled- to a near delusional degree, basically in denial with the idea things can never go back to what he wants- until amanda tells him that is reality. self-improvement isn't smooth and linear, so him reverting isn't too shocking nor is it ooc of him. he needed to be called out and he was.

his frustration came out of nowhere. no it didn't. won't lie i'm not entirely sure how to word this one without being really blunt, but it very much was building up, dirk wasn't making it easy. ultimately i think there was some compassion fatigue- he had been trying to motivate and encourage dirk throughout s2- this wasn't a one-off time, at some point it was going to wear thin. todd has finite patience- but he did try. not to mention, todd never got openly angry with dirk in that scene, he stays relatively calm. the only time the frustration really came out was at the end, when he realised dirk wasn't coming with. also the whole yet again, dirk keeping todd at a distance thing. eventually that distrust is also going to wear todd out.

next thing, priest. todd's not stupid i mean he is but sometimes he's smart he would've picked up that priest did something to dirk- nobody knows what specifically, but there's obviously something. the only info we get (from todd's pov) is:

'-that man, Mr. Priest, I've met him before, Todd. He kills people.'

couple things to take from this: - 'i've met him before' suggests they didn't interact all that often- it sounds like they met once and a lot can happen in one meeting, of course. could be dirk downplaying his trauma again, pretending priest wasn't his childhood monster, or that he's in denial that priest did something really bad to him. but we don't know! todd isn't going to know that either - the 'he kills people' line doesn't really hold much weight for todd. how many people does he know who kill people? quite a lot at this point. priest is just another guy on the long list of guys who kill people- he doesn't know much more than that.

something else i picked up on is this scene parallels quite well with 1x01. aka dirk givig a motivational speech and todd responds with: 'No. You know what, no, I don't want to hear all that from you right now.' whilst dirk never directly says he doesn't want to hear what todd had to say in 2x07, it certainly read like he didn't want to. maybe todd recognised that (the whole self-projection thing) and decided to back-off. yeah, he was bitchy about it, but giving breathing room isn't bad and honestly? seemed like the smartest move in the heat of the moment- the whole dirk wants space when upset. not too mention, todd 100% knew what dirk was doing- pushing people away, trying to make todd hate him- see him as a bad person who hurts people, because todd does the same thing. tbh that's probably why todd got bitchy with his response- he likely saw through it and the brotzmans when they sense shit aren't gonna be that soft in their replies

i think that's all the main things i noticed about that scene. but i have a few smaller ones that link back to previous points:

dirk is dismissive, keeping todd at arm's length- he is in s1 (brushing away todd's questions) and moreso in s2 (the wet circles, not wanting todd to be in the house within a house with him,ect). the constant dismissal is going to start becoming discouraging. how is todd supposed to help someone who wants help but also doesn't want help? plus todd wants to help dirk! finding amanda is his main priority, yes. but he is down to be his assistant

todd knows dirk cares for him- doesn't know just how much- but being told that to dirk 'he's just a guy whose life he ruined' we can 1. add a big old dose of guilt on todd's end, and 2. that probably feels like a slap to the face, even if todd likely knows dirk did that on purpose. (also a smaller detail, that admittedly might be reaching a bit, during dirk's rant he mentions that '-And then I end up alone!' despite the fact todd hadn't actually left yet, hadn't given any indication that he has given up on dirk. but it reads as dirk rejecting todd already)

they don't actually know eachother that well. one week, then a two month gap, then s2 was around a week long. they absolutely haven't worked their footing out yet.

to add to that- their communication sucks. especially dirk tbh. he probably was keeping todd at arm's length in a misguided way of protecting him. and tbh i don't think dirk was ready to let todd in yet. this is nobody's fault- todd wanting to be let in, and dirk shutting him out. this could be a sperate post but i think the 2x08 rescue, and the 'don't spin out' in 2x09 was dirk finally letting todd in.

self-recognition through the other. or todd seeing himself in dirk (but not in the sexy way) the way dirk was talking, even the words he was saying, his attitude, his anger... todd's been there. and who does todd hate most of all?

todd put all his faith in dirk. granted, this is todd's own undoing and nothing dirk could've done. but dirk quitting being a detective maybe have been a reason why todd got mean. at this point todd's got no money, no job, no home, no purpose. dirk gave him a purpose that he threw away right in front of him. however, to consider- todd didn't lose faith in dirk. despite the anger and the words said, todd had total faith dirk will work it out. and he did. (this comes back to my thoughts on 2x08/2x09, so i won't delve into them here)

that's all i got for now. it's very easy to fall down a rabbit hole with this scene and these characters. and i can easily do a follow-up on this because i've def missed things. but this is getting so long. ultimately, i don't think either was in the right headspace in that scene- they had differing motivations. and neither was the villain for that.

tldr: messy situation between two messy people is messy on both ends

[dissectedgrrl]

okay so a while ago i mentioned a the good place rtc au

n so i finally made one :D

keep in mind this is j kind of a rough idea thing so not every detail is there but here are my ideas !! this also includes some headcanons for the characters so dont mind certain parts

------------------------

so it kind of follows the same plot as the show

karnak is like michael and he tells the choir where they are, what happened, etc

he got their names right + the fact that they were the choir n referred to as "the six saints" in the news

but he got their personalities mixed up with other students

he thinks they volunteered, helped out a lot of people, etc.

he doesnt know about mischa stealing wine, ocean bullying literally everyone, etc

but the choir knows its all wrong n have to find out what went wrong, how to get out, etc (just everything eleanor went thru)

------------------------

cast of characters :

Ocean O'Connell Rosenburg

she/her , lesbiaB, learning 2 languages, can speak 5

Ocean is in COMPLETE denial that she doesnt belong in the good place. i mean why wouldn't she ? shes ocean o'connell rosenburg. shes perfect. shes supposed to be here.

she tries to remain as perfect as possible while in the good place

she keeps calling karnak "god" no matter how many times he tells her there is no god in the good place. sometimes she does it on accident

the soulmate she got matched up with is constance

^ when she was told that she blurted out "WHAT ? WE ONLY KISSED ONCE !!!!" and everyone just kind of . . . . stared at her

most likely says the "all neutral people should go to Cincinnati" joke

Constance Blackwood

she/her, bilingual and bisexual

Constance doesn't want to leave the good place but she knows it isnt right for her to stay

she loves ocean, but being her soulmate takes a lot of patience (that constance sometimes doesnt have)

she got SO excited about the free froyo flavors

"mmm . . . . warm laundry flavor 😍"

when ocean said the kissing thing constance was j kinda like "🧍"

Savannah

("jane doe")

she/they/it, pan demisexual demiromantic (i swear im not projecting 😭 /srs)

i have a lot to say abt her 💀

since she doesnt know who she really is she tries to learn as much as she can in the good place

^ she always has a "why" to ask n gets frustrated if she cant figure something out

^ it LOVES learning

^ whenever something interests them they get really excited

karnak gave them their doll n when they asked why all he said was "shes nice"

^ ever since then shes LOVED dolls n just toys in general

its favorite thing to learn about is toys

it has a lot of toys n keep all of them in a toy chest

when she learned she could eat food she just didnt stop 😭

^ they LOVE food but their cooking skills arent the best . . . .

^ its favorite savory food is pizza. dont ask why they just like it . . . . all kinds of pizza too

she really really likes music as well

^ favorite artists are frank sinatra and edith piaf !!

its soulmate is ricky

^ she LOVES him like theyre so close (i havent decided if theyre gonna be platonic, romantic, or both, but for now lets j say theyre best friends !!)

^ her and rickys relationship kind of confuses her bc all the other souldmates kiss n hold hands n what not but her n ricky just kind of . . . . watch star trek and talk about their interests together

they HATE being photographed and recorded, the smell of smoke, big rollercoasters, and anything people use to smoke (weed especially)

it hates being called creepy and having people afraid of her

shes really nice and smart but no one (expect ricky n the rest of the choir) rlly gives them a chance :/

Mischa Bachinski

he/him, bi, speaks same languages as he does in canon universe

soulmate is noel

he loves music (we all know this) and listens to any recommendation he gets

has to try and keep calm while in the good place so no one gets suspicious

his weakness is animals . . . . show him a rabbit n he will cry istg

^ hes a dog person but tries to hid it bc noel prefers cats

he doesnt rlly like sweets but hes okay w the free froyo (only SPECIFIC flavors tho)

he asked karnak if his mom was also in the good place, but didnt get a straight answer, but karnak hinted at a yes

^ his goal is to find his mom while he has time in the good place

^ hes doing everything he can to find her and is convinced he gets closer every day

Noel Gruber

he/she, gay (and maybe bigender or genderfluid ? idk yet), speaks english n french

he rlly likes black coffee like . . . . a lot

^ mischa says he hates coffee, but hes never tried it so noel is determined to make him drink it

noel sees the good place as a second chance at life

^ she hopes to get to live out her monique dreams here

secretly hates mischa's music taste 💀

noel introduced jane to edith piaf !

Ricky Potts

he/they, pan + trans demiboy, can speak english n pig latin (when jane asked why he just said "itsyay ustjay oremay unfay anthay englishyay !")

he loves living with jane because he gets to ramble n he gets to hear her ramble as well

^ him n jane have cats ! :D

^ every other saturday night ricky n jane watch spiderman movies while eating pizza. they look forward to that saturday every week !

he actually CAN cook

he claims he doesnt have a favorite cat but Captain Butterscotch is always with him . . . . suspicious

one of their favorite pastimes is looking out the telescope thats in their backyard at night

^ he likes to name stars (even if they already have names)

------------------------

okay thats all i got so far ! if you have any suggestions or anything feel free to tell me ! srry if there are any spelling errors i wrote this down so fast bc i had to get these idea out or else i would implode 💔

[tadpolesonalgae]

i've read the last chapter twice and i honestly thought things would go a different way? idk i thought even if running away didn't work with the magic that maybe she got at least a bit of a backbone, it kinda feels like running to eris and have all that guilt on top of the one she already had was all for nothing. i wanna root for her but at a certain point she's really doing all this to herself. i thought the reunion would warrant some well deserved anger from both parts like a climax of sorts, i guess it did it was just more depressing and defeated than the anger i was expecting. kinda wish we'd seen azriel or even mor tell the others too

and i'm sorry but how did she pick the weirdest way to off herself 😭 like there are so many easier ways, even just with the arrow just stab it through your heart, she definitely wouldn't hit azriel like that and she remembered the wards but didnt think to mind speak to call rhys and feyre? like i get she was in shock but i just dont know how she's so smart but keeps making the dumbest decisions. i also thought the prophecy meant she'd kill him with her powers not just this

i'm sorry if this sounds a bit critical, the chapter was beautifully written as always, you're really amazing at conveying emotion, the reason it's so frustrating to see her stay stuck in her self pity is because of how well you write it but i just thought there would be more happening when she came back - 🧶

Okay…I have some thoughts drifting around in my head so I hope I’ll express them in a coherent fashion 😬😭🧡💛 (though this did get a little long, sorry 🫣🫂)

So, first of all, I think some people probably were expecting anger or some kind of emotional detonation, but in my experience anger and frustration take a lot of energy to sustain and I don’t believe reader—where she was at that moment—was capable of directing her resentment anywhere but herself? She’s exhausted from being alive; she doesn’t have the energy nor the instinct to become angry with Azriel or any of the IC.

I know this is a fanfic, so it would be quite simple to have her ‘fixed’ after visiting Eris, but that scene was supposed to be the first moment of catharsis, where reader is able to physically exhaust a portion of her magic that has been straining on her. It’s mentioned (I think in acomaf, and we also see it with Nesta in acosf) that Rhys has to constantly have magic in use to relieve the pressure it puts on him or else it will drive him insane, so reader needed to have some kind of release moment since her magic wasn’t able to manifest correctly.

I’d also like to mention that I think it might seem underwhelming or anticlimactic in some lights because it is frustrating in a way to see someone continuously be unable to stand up for themselves and just kind of melt into a puddle on the floor? Particularly if they aren’t entirely deserving of certain behaviours and it would be simpler to fix if the person just took a stand and stopped muddling about the place 😭

‘kinda wish we'd seen azriel or even mor tell the others too’

With this, do you mean that reader ran away to Eris, or that she tried to end herself, because I’m pretty sure both of those will be spoken about in chapter 16 if that’s any consolation! 🧡💛

Okay, onto the method of suicide! (Yes, I acknowledge it was a weird choice, certainly a more unintentionally flamboyant approach)

So, since she’s fae (I can’t actually remember if decapitation works?) I’m pretty sure ash is the only thing that can actually kill her? Which limited the options quite significantly? I suppose she could have taken a large dose of faebane to reduce her healing and then ended herself in a more ‘human’ (?) way?

Personally though, there were a couple a reasons I wanted to use the crossbow and arrow!

First of all, using a crossbow, letting reader set it up, knowing she just has to knock into a book and then it will be out of her hands? It’s passive. She’s again letting things be taken out of control—I didn’t want her first moments of real autonomy to be trying to end herself (though that might have been very impactful for a different direction of the story) (I’m also not counting her giving away the earrings since that wasn’t something she did entirely for herself)

Secondly, the Crossbow itself was lying inside the House of Wind, along with various other weapons and blades that the IC are just too accustomed to—I want a specific reason for the IC to understand what sort of problems are happening with reader. While I don’t feel it’s expressly their fault (again, I feel it’s passive, not active—they didn’t intend for their distance to have a negative impact on her, though it did anyway) they will feel responsible that she used something of theirs to hurt herself with.

Then, Eris was the one who gave reader the ash arrow and I would like to have a reason to elaborate on what’s going on in the background (which I’m scared I won’t do well 🫣)

Admittedly this is a slightly strange reason, but I think from reader’s perspective and without being able to understand az’s side, he’s seemed quite cold/distant from her due to external pressures and I wanted this to serve as a reminder that despite how bad things are right now he does still care about her? Not romantically or anything obviously, but he doesn’t want any of the people he cares about to be hurt where he can help it so this felt like a good circumstance that would set their reconciliation (not reconciliation, but their distance closing I guess?) in motion and give them a reason to actually pay attention to one another and figure out what’s going on

(Lastly, this one is more an allegory than anything, but being shot through the heart by an arrow is usually something done by Cupid. So revolving around her love for Azriel and how it’s kind of messing her up? This is definitely a more indulgent reason though 😭)

For the mind speaking thing and why she didn’t call out for Rhys and Feyre—I’m not sure if I expressed it incorrectly but reader was suffering through an onslaught of pretty debilitating inclinations revolving around ending herself, and then the solution to those urges was stripped away from her when Azriel took the arrow instead so she’s having to grasp with the fact she’s still alive, she’s now responsible for murdering someone rhys, Feyre etc. love dearly, she’s killed someone she loves dearly, while also dealing with small glimpses from the war—she isn’t in the right headspace to think outside of those problems.

Also, I don’t feel daemati abilities are explained very clearly, but in my mind Azriel, Cassian, Mor etc. who aren’t daemati would be familiar enough with it (through speaking with Rhys) that they know roughly where to push within their mental expanse to search for a connection point. With reader who has only been fae for two years, has little to no experience with speaking mind to mind—I don’t feel it would be at all possible for her to figure out how to call for someone mentally when she can barely control her own magic and when neither Rhys nor Feyre would have a reason to be checking on her mentally when as far as they know she’s safe and with Az.

With the prophecy/vision that Elain got, all she explicitly sees is Azriel on the floor with blood around him then a flash of green. He looks dead but that’s not something Elain can determine just through visuals just yet—no, Azriel is not dead, but he comes close enough to imitate it!

‘i'm sorry if this sounds a bit critical, the chapter was beautifully written as always, you're really amazing at conveying emotion, the reason it's so frustrating to see her stay stuck in her self pity is because of how well you write it but i just thought there would be more happening when she came back - 🧶’

I think it was critical but I don’t think that’s a bad thing at all and really appreciate it!! 🧡💛 It wasn’t malicious or mean and I really enjoy hearing your opinions on cbmthy’s storyline because it helps me adapt and shape the direction of the plot—seriously, I love getting to hear your thoughts, thank you so much for taking the time to articulate them, it’s such a massive aid 😭🧡💛 I hope none of my replies felt too harsh or absolute, and I would love to know if you have any other thoughts on the storyline!! 🧡💛

[kncrowder88]

Alright, Garcy fans, I've been considering that AU engaged idea of mine some more and I honestly think it would work so well. There is a lot of ideas I recall from back when I was so obsessed with the show I was helping with the saving of it and planning the saving of it and all that ... anyways I remember Garcy fans loving the idea of Flynn sneaking into Lucy's lectures before he stole the mothership.

It is rather true that we don't get a lot of things concluded within the series but thats okay this is why fanfic exist. So, lets say we go with this idea of upon the return from the Hindenburg with Lucy getting back home and learning all this new shocking things about her changed life ... we also get Flynn getting a phone call, from Noah (lets no take the Carol route, she wouldn't put herself that close that early - and its clear in the show that Rittenhouse has a means of monitoring the changes).

Noah is very likely a Rittenhouse member as well - it would make sense that Carol Preston wants her kid engaged to and having a future with another Rittenhouse member, keep that 'royal' line going. We never even got Noah's last name for all we know he was actually a direct line descendant of the Rittenhouse family. Which honestly, would go in line with some of the stuff we saw later in the series. Anyways, back to the AU stuff .... basically the returns happened. Lucy walking through her door calling for Amy. Jump to Flynn back as well and walking through his bunker or wherever he's landed, a phone starts ringing. Back to Lucy, calling for Amy, heading through her house. Back to Flynn, diary in his hand. Maybe Anthony behind him in the background going for the phone on the table - confused as he looks at it, maybe one of the other goons doing this. Then back to Lucy as she finally gets that turn point where its her mom and not Amy and she's stunned because her mum is well. Then back to Flynn and someone telling him the phone is for him, he's turning because who calls him. He doesn't know anyone who would want to call him. Not here, not in the present. They only have a phone for needs of the mission and honestly he cant deny his goons a chance for untraceable calls to their families if they ever asked - he'd get asking. This sort of thing just keeps repeating and repeating bouncing between the two - I could see it on the screen. Playing and playing. Until its Carol Preston asking about Lucy's ring and Noah on the line with Flynn asking him out for beers, making a joke about bachelor days (but not making it clear whose bachelor days - Noahs or Flynns?) Then jump into the Lincoln episode and all that chaos. Flynn processing having a friend/person/someone close enough to want to get beers with him in his life. Lucy processing the loss of her sister and gain of a fiance. Rufus and Wyatt trying to figure out how to help Lucy process her sister being gone. Because how do you help someone just disappearing - not dying just never existing - and they dont even know she's engaged yet. And not to mention that she so easily just seemed to shove it aside when the history date was mentioned and jumped into the mission like it was so easy, and they dont get that.

Then of course, you have the encounters that would happen that mission. Lucy with Robert Lincoln, talking to him, and the way that Flynn would engage with her. The conversations. Her frustration. His boiling under the surface of "WHY DIDNT SHE WRITE ABOUT NOAH?!" And just all of that. Only for the mission to be over and them to get back and Noah is bringing him to a house, a nice house, and Lucy is returning home - her mother frustrated she is late to her own party and how dare she ask about her father on this day - and Lucy is turning from that because she cant and there in the doorway he stands. Noah's left him to go find her mum - update her of course its his job - and she's just there staring at Garcia Flynn in her house and all he could say is

"I guess its me who is getting engaged not Noah." and all she can say is

"You have got to be kidding me"