#it will not be a proper fic it will be very 2014 and were all gonna deal with that together

[the-ghost-king]

it's going to be a few hours still but I do actually have something for solangelo week for today

[linnetagain]

I have. Had a realization.

In-fic, it is Feb/March-ish of 2024. Gale is currently 29, Astarion is about to be 27. Hestia is seven-ish, and the baby was born when Gale was 21ish? Yes?

IRL, it is August 2024. I am currently 29. My sister is 27.

I am losing my mind.

I was a junior during the 2012 Olympics. Originally Astarion said that he was 14 when he skated to Golden, but that was when he thought his birthday was Jan 1, and skating season is usually finished by March, yeah??? So he would have be 13, little baby EIGHTH grader, teeny tiny child? Protect him????

And the Sebastian incident, he said he was 16, so that would have been some time in 2014, I’d only just graduated and was pretending to be A Real Adult, my sister was a tenth grader reading Julius Caesar and all that shiz, we were binge watching episodes of Pok��mon on my chunky laptop like they were a line of crushed smarties on a coffee table and we had no nerve endings left in our sinuses.

Gale was 15 when he met Mystra, frickin 2010 or some shiz, I was still deeply uninterested in men as a concept at that point I’m ace but that’s beside the point so’s he, what were you thinking lady, I have a different sister who’s 8 years younger than me, when I was 22 the humans her size may as well have been INFANTS, who goes shopping for college boyfriends among incoming high school freshmen, you’re NASTY

Married at 19, okay maybe not so weird generally, that’s what my mom did, she’s fine, to each their own, but like that’s when I was heading into my first proper burnout, I was not a PERSON, absolute brick made of oatmeal, also I was still a TINY BABY, that was heckin ten years ago, heckin 2014, Astarion “falls” and Gale’s heckin legally bound to his heckin manager frick 2014 seriously who authorized this

Hestia would have been born some time in 2017, if she’s already 7 when the fic started in fall 2023, some time in March–September since we haven’t seen her birthday on screen yet, so absolute earliest she could have been conceived would have been like, June 2016, so Gale would have gotten the ultimatum in probably July or August, chest injury probably happened earlier that year, maybe March–Juneish if he spent a year retraining his voice and lungs and it overlapped with paternal leave post-Hessie, and Astarion asked “was that the year that—?” so his first baby probably died like, maybe mid-2015? That’s right when I got my heckin puppy. Gale’s son should be as old as my puppy dog. Jeez, Astarion escapes to law school right as Gale gets Metaphorically Orbed. Congrats Gale, you’re 20 and having the Worst Year Ever

Also, shoutout to Astarion for finishing law school in 3 years? Class of 2018? That seems so fast with like pre-law and stuff but I don’t know how the UK does it, also he’s a smart boy, GO, be FREE my son (sort of not really psych jk)

But also ugh living in a two-bed studio apartment for at least five years assuming they lived in student housing before that? How is your mind still intact

But just. Hessie. Born 2017. The year I started going into my SECOND major episode of burnout. Heck, do I know any seven year olds??? How old are my little cousins?? Heck, it would the ones who didn’t live very close, how big is a seven year old?????? My close friends have a six year old, but she’s usually doing her own thing when I hang out with them so I usually visualize her as so much smaller, I think I might be literally incapable of comprehending having spawned a tiny growing human and having them in close proximity to myself since 2017

Congrats, you’ve broken me

Yeah don't be fooled by Gale talking about how old he feels, they're both SO young and so much of the shit that they've gone through happened to them when they were literally children. Astarion was thirteen when he won gold, Gale was fifteen when he met Mystra. It's one of the reasons why that brief mention of Romeo and Juliet is so loaded, because Astarion is looking back and remembering how it felt like his whole world was defined by this one thing when he was that age, and how much has changed since then. How much more he's had the chance to be, and how he was so close to losing the chance at that. Also one of the reasons why it's so easy to write him being protective of Hestia. He can see Gale trying to give her a better childhood than either of them had and he's absolutely going to try and help.

[m00nz-artpad]

The demonization of a traumatized woman

People were obsessed with the fictionalized tales of that of "Iron Man", "The Hulk", "Spider-Man", and more. What people were just learning was that those stories were all true. Those mutants, mutates, and even humans with special abilities existed. One of them was a woman now only known as "The Badger".

Olivia hated that name. She abandoned it long ago after she gave up the life of crime and finally joined society. She wasn't "Badger, the Outlaw" anymore, she was just Olivia. So when she saw her old nickname in comic book stands in the streets, she was disgusted and furious. Peter had act gotten the first issue because he was interested in finding out if it was even close to her true life story.

Instead, it was fictionalized. Made just to get money and in the process demonizing a real person who had to deal with the repercussions. Gone were the days of "Olivia, the woman who wanted to see the good in people". Now it was "Olivia, the whore who killed for fun and hated everybody". Peter had tried to console Olivia through the stress of being made out to be a monster and whore who only wanted to seduce men and murder without care, but she knew nothing would change people's minds. She was now the monster they wanted her to be.

If you think Olivia's appearance if different, you are 100% correct. I purposefully changed her appearance for the fictional comic in this fic. It's kind of funny how "The Badger" the comic is like fanfiction of my fanfic.

I wanted to make it obvious that the people in this fic don't understand Olivia while also criticizing a lot of "tough comic book femme fatale" tropes at the same time. Due to knowing her story, the reader (once the fic is finished at least) will understand her and understand she's not a brainless monster, instead she's an extremely complicated and traumatized woman. But everybody only sees her as crass, brainless, and hypersexual for fun. That's what the comic is all about; demonizing her and making her out to be a proper monster.

However, as mentioned in "The Clash of Worlds", at some point by 2014 or so there's a plotline where she has a "redemption arc" based around the time that Olivia and Peter met and started to form a relationship. This even is a critical look at the trope of a character changing because of someone else, especially a "tough" woman becoming "softer" for a man. Which is the complete opposite of Olivia.

I'm not saying that those kind of tropes are bad. Some of my favorite comics, stories, shows, and even movies have the femme fatale falling in love and changing for the better trope in it. What I don't like is when it's done wrong, which is exactly what the comic "The Badger" has done.

The writers of the comic completely bastardized Olivia and her story, breaking her down as nothing more than just a sexy caricature of who "The Badger" is. Also the comic has nothing to do with her past as a former outlaw, only mentioning Arthur and Javier in passing once or twice throughout the comic.

(Also anothing funfact about the comic is that before she gets with Peter in the storyline, she was actually with Kurt. Because in the storyline of the first X-Men animated series + X-Men '97 she's romantically involved with him. But not in this timeline, because she and Kurt are simply just very good friends who have a very familial relationship.)

[handsofred]

20 Questions for fic writers

I was tagged by the writing goddess @renmackree

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 62

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

720,399

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Teen Wolf

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

My top five are:

Air Mail - (1,662 Kudos) - Sterek, Soldier Derek, Daddy Derek, School teacher Stiles, Letter writing, First meetings, Slow build,

2. Silent - (1,660 Kudos) - Sterek, Deaf Stiles, Wolf Derek, Mates, Kidnapped Stiles, Alive Hale family, Hurt Stiles,

3. This is Stiles, he is mine - (860 Kudos) Sterek, Alpha Derek, Were-cat Stiles,

4. Ownership - (858 Kudos) Sterek, Were-cat Stiles, Mates, crack, misunderstandings, Alpha Derek,

5. New Orleans - (856 Kudos) Sterek, Zombie apocalypse, Wolf Derek, Human Stiles, Misunderstandings, Derek takes care of Stiles, Hurt Stiles, Road trip,

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do respond to most, when I remember to check my inbox. But I also don't respond to some if they are quite similar to others.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh god, I have no idea.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I have a few fics that end up happy, I normally try and end them on a happy ending. (Pun intended)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have had a few comments which seemed a bit hateful/hurtful. But I normally ignore those.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do and oh god...all the smut, I'm pretty sure I'd write any kind you wanted me to try my hand at.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not written a crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have indeed, and when I got the request to do it, it made me so happy and giggly. It was a translation request for my fic : Baby smiles.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Once upon a time, but it wasn't a proper co-written fic, it was more that both our names were on it, but I wrote it while the other person came up with ideas.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

That is like asking who my favourite child is if I had children. I can't choose.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Cookies Daddy!, we need more cookies! - It has seven chapters and I last updated it back in 2014. It's a sweet thing, single father Stiles who owns a bakery, but I don't know, I just kind of ran out of juice for it.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Banging out a few thousand words sometimes when I'm in the zone.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Not writing at all for ages and not updating for a while too. But also I don't really plot out my fics so I write them as I get inspired which can make some down time between chapters.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't mind it, just as long a there is a translation for the dialogue if it isn't in English for me. I have done it myself and normally put the translation of the words in the notes at the end of the page. I know that there is a link you can add in which can make the translation come up when you hover over it, but I have no clue how to do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My very first one was for Adommy.... Adam Lambert and Tommy Ratcliff....that was a very long time ago and under a completely different name.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I have a few that I've really enjoyed writing, one of my current WIPs : Signal in the sky: is up there as a favourite, I kind of not want to write more and update it because I don't want to leave it, but I have got a new chapter nearly written fully for it which has some drama in.

low pressure, not required, only if you're feeling it: @endgame-sterek @youneedmetosurvive @greyhavenisback @xxstacksonqueen @colethewolf @lucky-bishop @lunar-eclipse-tales ( I know some of you may not be fic writers, I had no idea who is on here anymore, so I tagged at random.)

[fandom-data-scientist]

a few months ago, i installed a userscript that will automatically apply saved filters to whatever search you're making; however, because it was first made in 2014, the way it actually works is that it applies filters as if you were plugging something into the "search within results" box, which will not actually filter out tags, but rather, keywords present anywhere in a fic and its metadata.

this is not very useful on its own, considering the fact that most everyone likes ao3 so much for its robust tag filters. fortunately, there remains an old-fashioned search method from the time before native exclusion filters existed on the site, which allowed people to use "-filter_ids:[integer]" in the "search within results" box to exclude tags proper, as we expect them to work today.

there are, of course, other methods of having sticky/saved filters on ao3, such as bookmarking one's url after applying all the filters you desire to a particular search, but then that requires not only inputting all my filters again when i enter a new fandom tag (thereby necessitating maintaining a reference list), but also maintaining a bunch of bookmarks for everything i might want to regularly check, which. like. boooooo

anyway, another reason i like that userscript so much is bc a while back i learned that the ao3 advanced search box runs off apache lucene to parse its queries, meaning that you can actually get incredibly fine-grained with your requests. for example, to filter out both "slow burn that is complete and under 50k" and "slow burn that is in-progress and under 10k" while leaving all other slow burn fics in the same search:

-(filter_ids:103132 AND complete:false AND word_count:[* TO 10000]) -(filter_ids:103132 AND complete:true AND word_count:[* TO 50000])

or you could develop a whitelist for the tags you're filtering by using "!", like filtering out all ocs unless they're by a particular person:

-(filter_ids:2927 !user_ids:[integer])

point being, the ao3 advanced search box is very powerful, the possibilities are endless, and i am married to that saved filters script these days.

however, i am also a picky little bitch, and i have somewhere around a hundred tags i have automatically filtered out for my current fandom, and about forty additional tags that i have filtered out everywhere. the saved filters makes it a lot easier to maintain these filters, but also i'm lazy about appending new tags, and they can be hard to dig through if i want to take something out for whatever reason, so recently i've been putting together a spreadsheet that will automate the queries i want copy-pasted into the saved filters input box.

most of it has been simple, just maintaining a sheet with the name and filter_ids number of what i want filtered unconditionally, but for the more complex requests, uh.

(this one is supposed to say "22 !(176 || 110)")

(this one is supposed to say "((22 !(176 || 110 || 49838047)) AND expected_number_of_chapters:[5 TO 25]) || [further queries])"

........well, it's going!!!!

one of my friends says i should publish the spreadsheet when i perfect it, since even tho most people aren't as picky as me, it'd be nice to showcase ao3's fullest capabilities with it. for various reasons, it likely won't be much use to most people as a spreadsheet, but i've been Considering maybe figuring out how to make a userscript (or maybe even a firefox extension, if i can get permission from the people who made the relevant bookmarklets/userscripts to use their code And Also figure out enough js for that), so idk. stay tuned for that, maybe!

[safyresky]

Crystal Springs Chapter 21: Jacqueline's Cat

aka, Two Weeks Later, is up and at em, right here! Give it a read, give it a review, have a blast and a half!

For those who've recently joined the tag, hi! Allow me to introduce to you my The Santa Clause 3-specific fic, Crystal Springs! If you're in the mood for some funky gen fic, featuring our beloved icy blorbo Jack Frost and a redemption arc of sorts, with a cast of absolutely unhinged OCs, I'd highly recommend giving Crystal Springs a chance! Here's a summary for you all to eat up:

"It's been nearly a year since Jack's thaw and things...could be better, admittedly. It seems, that as the year has gone on and he's improved his relationship with Santa and the whole of Elfsburg, his powers have taken a hit. December's just around the corner, and his powers are just short of being gone.

This wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that Jack's powers are the only reason that Elfsburg, the Workshop, and the North Pole are able to exist safely, tucked away under the Dome. With his powers gone, the winter magic that keeps the Dome sturdy and dishing out proper quantities of Christmas magic, is running hot and out of control. It's melting, and the North Pole is getting warm.

Unable to hide his power loss any longer, an intervention is held by the Council and Jack admits that he lacks the Frost. But thankfully, there is a solution: enacting the Legate Law, summoning the sprite next-in-line for the title of Jack Frost.

There's just one problem: Jack's Legate is his younger sister, Jacqueline, who he has not seen or talked to since he nearly killed her dead almost fourteen hundred years ago. Out of options, with no other possible solution in their sights, they do it, bringing Jack and the sister he hurt so many years ago back together once more, in the hopes that together, they can get Jack's powers back and stop the Deliquesce.

Unfortunately, the Frosts have never been very lucky. Soon after her arrival, Jacqueline starts experiencing some unexpected blackouts, with unintended consequences. With Jack's powers hanging in the balance, and Jacqueline on the fritz, the pair decide to head back home to Crystal Springs, bringing Jack face to face with the rest of his family...and an ancient threat waiting for their moment to strike, their carefully laid plans finally coming full circle. Seems like saving Christmas may be a little bit...complicated this year.

This fic is my baby. Originally posted in 2012/13, it was finished in 2014/15, rewritten in 2017, and then again starting in 2020. We're still working through the 2020 version NOW, hence why you see these random updates in the tags, but not on ff.net. (CS is not posted to ao3 as of yet, but I'll get to it one of these days! )

Piqued your interest? SCHWEET! Have some links.

PROLOGUE (skipable tbh, will be better once Frostmas is finished) CHAPTER 1 (good starting point, would recommend)

Not vibing it? Cool cool cool, go ahead and click that J key and head on down your dash to something you do vibe!

All caught up on CS 202X? Then onto the main event!

What's 🆕 In Chapter 21?

AXED the ENTIRE lost journals/here's what we learnt at the Dream Spire bit with the cold front, given that I took those events and spread them about the previous two chapters, Chapter 19: The Man with a Plan, and Chapter 20: Freedom, both of which were updated December 4th! (icymi) :)

Probably should've updated this one along with the other two, but I neglected to read ahead/totally forgot about the cold front preamble while Fino is fighting for his life under the bed lol, so here we are! Hopefully it didn't uh. Cause confusion for readers not on tumblr lmao

PREAMBLE ASIDE, WHAT'S GOING ON THIS CHAPTER?

🆕 Sibling fluff!

🆕 Blinter fluff!

🆕 CS lore!

🆕 Fiera's doing hot girl soot! (literally)

BETTER focus on the fam helping the cold front figure shit out re: blackouts and power shortages!

NEW Scott/Carol banter because Carol deserves to get a few digs at Scott!

WORD COUNT F A C T S: 2014 -> 4,440k 2017 -> 7,866k 2022-> 15,431k :O

I think last week's angst really spurred me on to finish this chapter. Please accept my humble offering of the main timeline where all the frosts are alive and thawed and nobody is dead, I swear. And as usual, if you find yourself enjoying it, do drop me a line! Send a review my way! Throw a reblog out there! I like to hear what people think! I will talk about these blorbos for DAYS.

[violetequus8]

Who's the Man? Annotated Bibliography

DISCLAIMER: I am not in any way credible or historian adjacent (I write porn on the internet, guys). I have access to the internet and literacy, and these are the only laurels I rest upon. I have written this bibliography in the hopes that it may be of use to others, who wish to not make *basic* mistakes about Tudor fashion (of which, I knew nothing before beginning my research). I cannot claim to even like or prefer fashion, but did this in the interest of not being jarringly out of touch. Like writing a zipper into the 1580s. 

Alchin, Linda. “Tudor Clothes for the Rich.” Six Wives, 2014, https://www.sixwives.info/tudor-clothes-for-the-rich.htm.

        This site was a welcome boon for getting an easy-to-read graph of what types, colors, and fabrics of clothes could be worn by whom and on what occasion. I used it when referencing the color of the innkeepers’ shirt, as well as the colors that Hob himself is wearing. I am fairly certain Hob’s doublet is brocade, but I may be wrong (I was only looking at the show footage). Hob, in his position as a regular old knight, is allowed a fair amount of leeway. Additionally, he is rich, and in the context of my fic, not present in court activities (though it could be surmised that he is, given the Queen stayed at his house). So he could simply pay off any fees incurred if he did dress in clothes he wasn’t allowed to wear. 

Ashelford, Jane. Dress in the Age of Elizabeth I. The Bath Press, 1988, https://archive.org/details/dressinageofeliz0000ashe/page/n7/mode/2up.

        After I had done a bit of cursory research, I was fairly confident I was correct in calling Hob’s upper outfit a doublet, and knew what Dream was dressed in. However, the lower regions kept annoying me. What was “hose,” exactly? It seemed that all the pictures and documents used hose interchangeably with stockings, but I knew that there were two separate pieces of Hob’s outfit: a kind of “shorts” on top, and yes, something we would call “stockings” below. That is what led me to this resource. 

        First, Ashelford beat it into my head that Hob had to have a man help him dress; “the fashionable man [...] required the help of a servant to sort out and air his clothes” (45). What followed was, finally, an explanation of what had confused me. The upper/trunk hose (also called breeches) was above, and below were the lower/nether hose (also called stockings, may be called canions—not to be confused with regular canions, which were an additional piece of fitted cloth tube between the stocking (lower) and hose (upper), which sometimes was joined to the stocking (lower)) (47). Unfortunately, I could not find any resources online which told me exactly how hose (upper) were actually fashioned at the waist; I assumed for this story that laces were involved, though I suppose buttons may have worked as well. I am only thankful that the codpiece was moving out of fashion by this time.

        There was a bit more terminology that I borrowed from Ashelford: Dream’s jerkin is indeed a “buff jerkin,” a sort of military garment made of oxhide (47). Ruffs are attached with bandstrings. The shirt (undershirt, for those of us in the 21st century) was made of linen and usually embroidered around the collar. Stockings (lower hose) were made of silk (and quite expensive). 

Elizabeth I. Elizabeth I’s Proclamation Against Excess. 1577, https://www.bl.uk/learning/timeline/item102766.html.

        This is the primary source document which the Alchin is undoubtedly referencing.

Elizabeth I. (1574). Enforcing Statutes of Apparel. http://elizabethan.org/sumptuary/who-wears-what.html

        In which I had a good laugh. Elizabeth was very concerned about the “wasting and undoing of a great number of young gentlemen” by virtue that they were spending undue amounts of money on clothing. It should be noted that, in spite of Elizabeth’s urging, it was very hard to enforce these policies if one was not at court. 

How, William. A Proper New Booke of Cookery. 1575, http://www.medievalcookery.com/notes/pnboc1575.txt.

        Used in reference when making up the menu for what was available to Hob at the White Horse. 

Lambert, Tim. “Tudor Society.” Local Histories, 2022, https://localhistories.org/life-in-the-16th-century/.

        Used as a general guide for a basic overview of Tudor living. Just enough for me to work forwards with. 

Ms. Napier, Alexander, editor. A Noble Boke Off Cookry: Ffor a Prynce Houssolde or Eny Other Estately Houssolde. https://archive.org/details/b21529565/page/n8/mode/1up.

        This book was reprinted verbatim from a rare manuscript in the Holkham Collection. Published in 1882. Original Manuscript likely dated from circa late 1460s.

        Ah, Middle English, my beloathed. A billion different changing spellings of common words, and a headache besides. I so love English being my first language. Anyways, I had fun flipping through this and randomly picking out dishes which could have been arranged for Hob’s table. Notably, the two things which are clear in the episode six sequence are the lamb, and that Hob is eating oysters. Surprisingly, there is no mention of lamb in this cookbook (though there are mentions of other, more exotic meats to our modern tastes: dragon (10), larks (4), tellis (4, by the way, if anyone can tell me what this is, I would be grateful)). The book has quite a few recipes, and I perhaps spent more time reading it than was strictly necessary. The Tudors managed to eat quite a lot of meat. One wonders how their digestive tracts fared. 

Uckelman, Sara. Dictionary of Tudor London Names. 2014, https://www.ellipsis.cx/~liana/names/english/tudorlondon.pdf.

        A good resource for period-appropriate names. 

[sitp-recs]

i am unashamedly asking everyone for fics where draco is Very Hot and Harry is Very Distracted. thx ❤️

It’s what we all deserve 🙌 here are some of my favorites:

At wand point by tenthousandyears (2022, E, 2.8k)

Harry should not be so turned on by being held at wand point by Draco Malfoy... yet here he is.

Like This and Like This (Dreams of Lace) by @primavera-cerezos (2020, E, 6.6k)

Harry gets an accidental peek. He can’t think of anything else.

Play Dates by @bixgirl1 (2017, E, 7.7k)

Harry never thought seeing Malfoy as a dad would affect him this way.

check this hand 'cause I'm marvelous by @lqtraintracks (2014, E, 8k)

Harry's had a crush on Malfoy for months now. But it will take a bar full of his friends, some Firewhisky, wagers made on his behalf, and Malfoy himself to get him to act on it.

Born Slippy by @dracoladon (2020, E, 8k)

Harry finds that it's less 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor' and more 'one tequila, two tequila, three tequila, decide Malfoy's quite fit, actually, and decent company after your friends traitorous abandonment, floor.' With Malfoy lying next to you.

Ten Thousand Reasons Why Not by @lqtraintracks (2018, E, 8.4K)

Harry and Draco are stand-ins for the usual witch who gives the workplace harassment and sexual consent talk to the Auror trainees. Or, a little tale in which Harry consents to be sexually harassed by Draco Malfoy.

Playing Dirty by @sweet-s0rr0w (2021, E, 8.5k)

As punishment for screwing up yet another mission, and with their magic going haywire, new partners Potter and Malfoy are sent to clean the Auror locker room, the Muggle way. Will they make it out alive? Does Malfoy ever work out how to use a sponge? Do they actually even hate each other, or is it all just misconstrued sexual tension? How long until they accidentally end up naked?

Sex Ed for Aurors by curiouslyfic (2010, M, 8.7k) - lust potion

Some things, you need to learn on the job.

Sex on Legs in Six-Inch Heels by @tessacrowley (2017, E, 9.6k)

Draco Malfoy is a brilliant freelance cursebreaker and the only one who can help the Department of Magical Law Enforcement with a very dangerous case, but more importantly, he's wearing six-inch heels, and Harry cannot handle it, he really just can't.

Sleight of Hand by @the-starryknight (2021, E, 15k)

It’s another one of those horrid Ministry affairs, and the only interesting thing is twinkling from Draco Malfoy’s finger. Can you really blame Harry for being fascinated by the gorgeous emerald ring and those long, elegant hands, especially when he’s certain Malfoy is up to something?

An Act of Kindness for One Harry Potter by a Sympathetic Draco Malfoy by 0idontknow0 (2014, E, 15k)

As Draco leaned on the wall to wait for them to get dressed, he could not help feeling like he had done a very kind thing by disrupting them. Someone should give Potter a better rogering than that sorry sod had. The man had saved the bloody world—okay, mostly Europe—the least someone could do was give him a proper shag.

A Truth Universally Acknowledged by @sorrybutblog (2021, M, 17k)

A year out from the war, Harry agrees to accompany Hermione on a historical walking tour of Pride and Prejudice. Not in the itinerary: running into Draco Malfoy, setting off a summer of stately homes, lavish parties, resentful shagging, and maybe, falling in love.

Take These Lies by @pennygalleon (2021, E, 20k)

There’s a portrait of his godfather in Draco Malfoy’s potions shop and Harry needs to know why. But that’s not why he keeps coming back.

I Bet That You Look Good on the Dancefloor by birdsofshore (2015, E, 28k)

Harry felt lit up from inside as soon as he entered the bar. There were blokes dancing together, their bodies close to one another, not keeping a wary distance as Harry was always careful to do when he was near another man. God, he wanted this – wanted it so much he could taste it, a metallic tang of heat and desire. He suspected nothing would ever be the same again – especially when he saw who else was in the room.

I Am Not Who I Became by mab_di (2019, E, 93k)

Draco left England after the trials and has travelled the world meeting wizards and Muggles from different cultures and with vastly different relationships to magic, each other, and the natural world. Now he's a fisherman in Finland on commercial vessels. Harry has been struggling since the war and has become a recluse while trying to write his autobiography.

Far From The Tree by aideomai (2020, E, 112k)

The arrival of Harry Potter’s children—snapped back in time, the children themselves guessed, twenty or so years—was the most interesting thing to happen at Hogwarts for years.

[historicfailure]

Maybe an unpopular opinion, but: I actually prefer OCs over y/n, because 1) I fucking hate the you perpective with a passion (i.e. you looked into his eyes... ) 2) They're supposed to be blank slates so readers can project themselves onto them, but like... 100/100 times they act in a way I personally never would and find rather unrelatable 3) I feel like most y/n characters are OCs in the wirters heads anyways (at least reader insert fics), so like, don't give them a physical description if you don't wanna, but like at leats give them a proper name because I find y/n really disrupts the reading flow and maybe don't use the fucking you perpective. Also sorry for the rant, but also your reader insert fics are some of the ones I actually do enjoya, but generally? Always searching the OC tags on ao3 and ff.net first before I look for reader inserts. Also, when and why did OCs start to get so unpopular?? I feel like all the older fics till like maybe 2014 were a lot more oc centric rather than y/n??

Hey there! :D

That is so valid tbh. Generally, I also "only" started writing you or y/n perspective because I felt like my oc wasn't good enough and a bit cringy tbh. Also, I was annoyed with most y/n reader fics as well and wanted to make them more realistic for myself, so I could enjoy them outside of oc content.

I don't know how exactly I got that perception that ocs are bad, but somehow along the way of interacting with fandom (even way before I started writing) I managed to have the mindset that ocs are automatically cringe as they are mostly seen as wish fulfillment on the writers part... A rather unhealthy way to think, so I'm trying to unlearn that.

And true, yes! I definitely see my reader inserts as their own characters, as each and every one of them would react differently to a given situation. I just didn't give them a physical appearance because... well, see above.

I have no idea when OCs became unpopular, I can only reach back to the mary sue argument as a whole, as well as the fact that most fandom was built by women and then slowly overtaken by men as well (best example is Star Trek, the very first fandom, its foundations with mail-chains and fanfics and meetings built by women, only for these women to be pushed aside). Most women would have liked to see a women also succeed in fanfiction, be admired and loved by everyone, do everything on their own, with the world on her shoulders...

Which sounds very Mary Sue like, but if you think about it? Every "successful" male superhero nowadays (and even before that, lets be honest) is a Mary Sue archetype. Batman. Superman. Ironman, just to name a few. There was a wonderful essay about that exact problem I read once and I couldn't have agreed more. Let's see if I can find it when I'm home, I know I have it somewhere in my bookshelf xD

But the Mary Sue "problem" started way before 2014, so idk what the then decline caused.

Thank you so much for your ask! That was a wonderful insight and definitely a great opinion ^^ ocs for the win! :D

[alexalily]

I've had a couple story ideas lately that both start off as the usual cute fluff that I think up and then at some point transition into some kind of horror movie. These ideas are free to a good home aka I’m unlikely to actually write them so feel free to take these ideas and do whatever you want with them. If you do end up doing that please let me know because I would love to read what you write!!

The first one is, well, I was going to say "inspired by" the movie Willow Creek (2013) but as I typed this out I realized it's more or less a full ripoff of that (lmao).  Renee   is a cryptid seeker/hunter/believer and Anita is her very supportive (albeit non-believing) girlfriend. At some point,  Renee   plans out a whole trip to go searching for something/someone (Mothman or Sasquatch or whatever) and Anita agrees to go with her because she doesn't want her not-very-outdoorsy girlfriend going out into the middle of some random woods for several days on her own. From there, it's just a lot of cute relaxing hiking moments. Getting to the top of some trail, looking out across a valley, Renee saying something like "wow, look at the beautiful view" and Anita says "yeah, it is" but she isn't looking at nature, she's looking at Renee. Renee gets caught in some branches or briars or whatever and Anita has to help her get unstuck. But in doing so, Renee takes a branch to the face. Anita kisses it to make it better. Stuff like that, y'know?

That night, they set up camp but start hearing noises. Renee gets spooked thinking it's wild animals or a cryptid or hunters or cultists or who knows what. Anita assumes it's either some animals that'd be more afraid of them than they are of it or it's some locals from the nearby small town fucking with them. But as the night carries on, the noises continue and Anita gets less and less sure about what she's hearing. Renee is way too scared to sleep at this point. I'm not entirely sure where it goes from there, though. Spoilers for Willow Creek but, uh, it goes real bad for those two. And I'm not sure I'd want to put Voidstrike through that. So, maybe it's a tense rush through the forest in the middle of the night as the eerie noises chase them. They get to Anita's truck but it's been smashes or the tires or slashed or it's in some way undriveable so they just have to keep running. Suddenly Renee is thankful that Anita forced her to wake up early to go running with her with some frequency.

The next day they either rent a car or find someone willing to take them back out to Anita's truck and it's absolutely trashed. Anita is heartbroken but Renee is excited because she takes it as undeniable proof that they cryptid they were looking for is absolutely real.

This second one a little bit inspired by Kristy (2014) but mostly inspired by The Rental (2020). I initially wrote this out as a series of tweets but after like 20 tweets I decided it was Too Long to post to twitter and just threw it in a text file and told myself I would definitely flesh it out and write a proper fic of it and haha no I’m not doing that. I’m also not reformatting/retyping this so it’s mostly in 280 character chunks, please enjoy.

College AU Voidstrike where they're roommates. Renee was going stay on campus over break but Anita convinced her to come home with her instead. Renee said it'd be weird to spend the long weekend with someone else's family but Anita says it'd just be the two of them..

Jackson is spending the holiday with his gf's family and her parents decided it'd be a good time for them to go on that cruise they always wanted to go on. So Anita convinces Renee to come with to keep her company cause it's a big house and she'd be lonely on her own.

Important to note: this is all before they're officially dating. Everyone else considers them a couple but they both deny it. Renee is oblivious and thinks Anita isn't even interested in her. Anita isn't sure about Renee's feelings but keeps saying she's gonna shoot her shot soon

They make the drive out to Anita's parents' place. Renee had no idea how well off her parents were, to afford a sleek modern house out in the woods near a lake with barely any neighbors for miles. Anita laughs it off- they only started living it up after she and Jackson moved out

Growing up, she thought they were doing okay but just kinda getting by. Turns out they were saving it for college and vacations. Less than a week after Anita moved out her childhood home into her dorm room, her parents announced they were moving to this new fancy place lmao

Once they get there, Anita has to call Loba and Kairi back. She didn't want to answer the phone while driving but they apparently didn't get the message. Of course all they wanted was to tease her about how this was a setup for her to make a move

"It's not even like that!" she insists. They laugh at her because she's such a terrible liar. She hangs up with them once Renee comes back down stairs from carrying her bag into the guest room. "What did they want?" "Nothing, they just wanted to say hey"

Next, Anita suggests a movie. Renee says she might fall asleep during it. It was a long drive and she's exhausted. Renee cuddling up close to Anita isn't unheard of. She does it every time they watch something in their dorm But that's on a lil futon and not on this giant couch

Renee was right and she falls asleep on Anita's shoulder halfway thru. After a bit, she stirs awake, moves to rest her head on Anita's lap instead, and goes back to sleep. Anita texts Loba and Kairi in a gay panic. "She's too fkin cute! What the hell!"

The movie ends and Anita stays in place for a while but she can't sleep like this so she carefully slides out from under Renee and switches her thigh for a pillow. She gets some blankets for Renee and tucks her in. She considers a good night kiss but decides that'd be a bit much

Anita is careful to be quiet as she goes up to her room (aka the room she's been told is hers even though this is only her 2nd or 3rd time even staying in this house). Just as she's getting in bed, she hears something? A thump? New house. It's probably nothing. The wind.

It bugs her though, so she goes back downstairs just to check everything out. She freezes when she enters the living room, as does the person trying to drag Renee away. Renee tries to scream but a big gloved hand muffles the sound.

Anita takes a step forward but the intruder raises a long kitchen knife at her. Anita freezes again. Her parents insisted on some self defense classes but she doesn't need that to know not to rush someone with a knife.

While the intruder is focused on Anita, Renee takes the opportunity to stomp on a foot and bite the hand over her mouth. It tastes leathery and bad but it makes them flinch enough that she can slide out of their grasp. She stumbles forward, over the couch, and into Anita's arms.

Together, they rush upstairs and into Anita's room. The door doesn’t have a lock so they shove the dresser in front of it and hope that'll be good enough. "Where's your phone?" Renee asks. "In the kitchen. I had to charge it after I called Loba. What about yours?"

Renee pulls hers out of her pocket but explains that hers doesn't get service out here. (Anita suddenly realizes why her parents insisted on a new phone & plan/carrier for the new school year). Renee figured she'd be fine without it for a few days.

The intruder is pounding on the door now. After two strong hits they realize it won't be long before they break the door down.

This was the part where I stopped writing it because I wasn’t sure where to go with it (and also had other obligations to take care of and then never got around to writing more of this). I was thinking that they’d climb out the window and onto the roof. Anita jumps across to a tree and tries to climb down without just plummeting to the ground. But Renee is too scared to jump. Instead she moves across the roof and goes back in the window to the guest room she was staying in (she opened it earlier when she put her bags away, to let the room air out or something). And then... I dunno. They don’t die, I know that much. They get away and are closer than ever. Maybe they catch and/or kill the intruder, I didn’t really think that part through.

I think I’ll be doing posts like this relatively frequently as I work through my old WIPs folder that has been collecting dust for over a year now. I figure if I’m not doing anything with these ideas, I may as well throw them out there and see if anyone else wants to do anything with them. Or, if nothing else, maybe just reading the ideas will bring some people some momentary joy, y’know?

[plainlo-inthemorning]

Shine a Light, part 6

A Loki series/Lokane fic. Rating T.

Previously: Part 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

He is already spinning around and bracing himself as his boots touch the concrete, half expecting to see the beast come tumbling towards him.

But the air is mercifully still where the door has snapped shut.

The evening sky above him is heavy with clouds, and a light mist of cool rain touches his face.

Cool.

He looks down at his hands. They are still shaking from the adrenaline, but no longer blue. Nor do his clothes feel rough against his skin.

Did he consciously change back to his Asgardian form as he went through the door? He is not sure. Whatever the shape or shade, his body feels oddly disconnected from his brain and Loki idly wonders if using the tempad so much within a short time span might be affecting him on a cellular level.

Then again, if that was the case would the Minute Men and analysts at the TVA not have been suffering from chronic time travel fatigue?

Who knows, perhaps they did. A number of them certainly looked worn out.

Tempad “jetlag” (an apt mortal word) or not, unwillingly running into variants upon variants of old enemies on this treacherous timeline coupled with the incessant longing for her has caused Loki’s grip on reality to slip ever more from one destination to the next.

What reality? a mocking voice in his head whispers, sounding maddingly similar to the little devil clock.

You have no idea where you are, who you are or where you’re going. You’re a man out of time, for all time, always.

He straightens and draws in a few deep breaths, surveying his new surroundings: A narrow brick terrasse. At the back wall, a glass sliding door reveals a room covered in darkness, but as nothing moves inside (his night vision remains far superior to that of mortals), Loki turns instead to take in the view of … London.

There is a taste of early spring in the air, and before him as far as the eye can see, the rooftops and spires of the city stretch out into the distance.

Millions of little lights flicker in the dark and the fumes of traffic and city grime mix with whiffs of different cuisines drifting out of air vents.

He has been here once or twice before, though not in decades, and there are whole clusters of towering structures of glass and steel that he does not recall from on his previous visit.

The house by the ocean in 2016, Budapest in 2015, New York in 2014 and now London in what he assumes must be 2013. As methodical as the backwards count has proven to be, as confusing are the destinations and varying seasons.

Only they cannot possibly be random.

Free will is an illusion.

The eerie feeling that even this, his ill-thought-out ‘quest’, is being guided by an invisible hand in charge of his destiny is so dispiriting it’s comical. He can’t quite decide whether to feel perversely honored that some higher being – a version of He Who Remains? – would take interest in toying with him, or furious that he has been singled out for this preposterous punishment of drifting through another Loki variant’s timeline.

It is no use dwelling on either emotion. He has no one to measure his pride against, no one’s expectations to live up to expect for his own, and, frankly, by now that bar is scraping the floor. There is no telling where the female variant of him went and Loki has no means of contacting the TVA or the analyst-interrogator even if he wanted to (he really does not anymore).

Loki unclenches his fists.

Seeing as each destination may have been an intentional set-up for whatever bizarre reason, the question is which character from his past he will encounter in this place. He vows to himself that no matter who he bumps into, he will attempt to reactivate that silver tongue of his and gather actual, useful information.

No more chaotic exits.

Provided no one tries to kill him on sight or squash him through a wall.

The terrace is furnished only with an old sun chair and a few plants, but the room beyond the glass door appears very lived in, with books stacked on the floor and several shelves, a large couch, a couple of armchairs, and what looks to be an adjacent kitchen area with a dining table.

Amazing how most mortals spend their years in such small, crowded dwellings.

Using only his magic, he slides open the door. It makes a low swooshing sound. Quiet as a cat, he steps over the threshold.

//

It hits him immediately, like walking into a wall: The scent of lavender.

And Thor.

The apartment is quiet, but they were here and recently.

He has been delivered right to them.

Loki is once again frozen in place.

His initial plan when knocking out that man in the canteen at the TVA and stealing his tempad was to find Thor and Jane at the scene of his own moral redemption (well…) on Svartalfheim. Where he supposedly saves their lives. Find them and use the momentum of their unfiltered gratitude to deliver the news that, most regrettably, the universe is likely coming to an end if they do not devise a plan together to prevent a multiversal war – preferably enlisting the help of Thor’s colleagues, too, and in the best of scenarios, Asgard.

Seek out Thor before saving Jane’s life, and Loki would have to first win his brother’s trust in the aftermath of the attack on New York. Find Thor after Svartalfheim, and there would be the small matter of explaining how the variant faked his own death and, after having thus broken Thor’s heart again, took the throne of the Realm Eternal.

Not an ideal conversation starter, even for them.

From the reel, he knows that there were other moments, much later, when he and Thor would become friendly again. After Ragnarok, before his end.

But Loki also knows that this need to get to Svartalfheim has as much to do with her as it has with Thor. Perhaps even more so.

Something important transpires between himself and the brown-eyed scientist on that brutal, barren planet and if it is the last thing he does, Loki will find out what it means.

It does not make any more sense now than it did when he sat in the kill me kind of room, transfixed by her face, but if he had had any initial doubts as to whether he was simply imagining the magnetic pull of her, those had been effectively shattered to atoms when she threw her arms around his neck outside the white house.

“Where did you go, handsome?”

Nothing on this timeline seems to be playing out as it should. Which of course also means that the events on Svartalfheim may never have occurred at all.

On this timeline, a variant has more or less befriended the Avengers in the years after New York when, according to the proper Loki fate, he should have been on Asgard. And, in a few years from now, the variant will somehow be with Jane.

Jane, who has stayed in this very apartment. With Thor.

Briefly, Loki is back to wondering if Thor dies and how, but then he remembers what Bruce said about their “family soap opera” and Loki’s “victory”.

Could it be that he and Thor actually fought over Jane?

As much as he wishes it otherwise, even Loki finds it hard to believe that his variant would have beat the God of Thunder in a fight. The might of Mjølner is formidable. And though his brother has not quite discovered it himself yet, Loki has always suspected that Thor has his own kind of magic.

Then there is Jane: Without having ever conversed with her, Loki would be surprised if Jane would appreciate being treated as a prize to be won.

He is getting a headache. A rare thing for a god, but there is no putting the puzzle together with so many pieces missing from the board. Since he has no hope of using the tempad to transport him off Midgard, maybe the best thing to do would be to just wait here and see if Jane and Thor come back. He has been specifically sent here, has he not?

Without really noticing, Loki has moved to the blue, puffy couch. He sits himself down and leans back into the soft cushions, letting out a sigh. When was the last time he slept or ate anything? There is a sense of fresh paranoia as he realizes that he cannot remember doing either at the TVA, expect for when he fell asleep during research.

“Time works differently at the TVA. You’ll see”.

He stretches his legs out in front of him and yawns. On the wall opposite from the couch is a paper calendar: 2013.

He takes in the rest of the apartment but does not magic any of the lights on. There is the open kitchen, a tiny hallway with a coat rack and a few pairs of shoes, and two more doors to the left of where he is sitting.

Getting up suddenly feels immensely tasking, but Loki nevertheless hauls himself to his feet and goes to inspect the other rooms. First, there is the washroom. The scent of lavender is stronger in there, even more inviting, and spotting a stack of fresh towels on a shelf, he considers taking a shower. It is not as if he cannot easily use magic to uphold appearances (wait, were there showers at the TVA?), but that is no substitute for the soothing feel of warm water running down his body, relaxing his tired muscles.

Yes, he will shower. And cast a spell on the apartment, so he will be alerted if anybody attempts to enter.

He takes a small comfort in his powers being restored.

Loki reckons the other door leads to the sleeping chambers but just to be sure, he magics it open with a flick of his wrist.

A window with closed blinds. A wooden bookcase to one side, volumes and magazines piled high. An old, white wardrobe with brass grips. A pile of clothes strewn haphazardly on the thick yellow rug on the floor near a large, unmade bed.

Unmade – and not empty.

//

Loki stands perfectly still, one hand still raised.

Why did he not sense that someone was here?!

Seeing as Clint (Bird-Eye?) managed to surprise him in Budapest, perhaps Loki’s “wolf’s ears” really are failing him.

Even so, his nose is working just fine. Unless …

Then he knows. Of course.

His tongue tastes bile.

Inching closer, he sees the black hair spilling over the madras. His own lean, sculpted body whose long limbs and handsome Asgardian features Loki has never felt less appreciation for than right this very moment.

The variant is deep asleep. And half-naked under the sheets.

Something twists in his stomach at the scene. Something small and pathetic and evil that wants out. A foul, winged creature batting against his ribcage with sharp claws.

He takes another step forward.

How has the variant not been alerted to his presence yet? He seemed strong – very strong – in 2016.

Loki studies his twin’s face. His own exact face. Same high cheek bones, same long, dark lashes against a pale complexion. Only this close, the man’s skin has a faint ashen sheen to it. A few tiny beads of sweat glisten on his temples and, yes, Loki hears it now, his breathing is slightly labored.

He is injured. Enough to dull his senses.

It is not the madman from the Void, as Loki had feared after their first encounter. His energy is quite different from any of the other variants, and Loki suspects he may be the closest to a perfect double that he’s encountered yet (and please, let this one be the last. No more variants or Loki will forget which life was his own).

Stepping so close he can lean over the bed, the reason for the variant’s sedated state becomes evident:

Tied around the man’s mid-section, just about visible over the sheets, is the upper edge of a large bandage. Loki sniffs. Yes, he can sense the wound and the ugly tinge of dark magic still surrounding it, like a poisonous signature: This was inflicted by a blade of the dark elves. The variant has come from Svartalfheim after all.

The cut must have been near fatal, but from the smell of it, it is healing well, aided by the variant’s own powers and what can only be human medicine, judging by the clinical odor.

Even so, why was he not taken to the healers on Asgard?

Because he is evading his punishment for the attack on New York, Loki guesses.

Thor and Jane must have brought him to London instead of delivering him back to Odin. Although thanks to Heimdall’s watchful gaze, the All-Father will be aware of what has transpired. In his condition, the chances of the variant being able to use his magic to shield himself from Heimdall are next to none.

Still, he is here. No one has come for him yet.

Loki does not know which is stranger: That the variant is legitimately, badly injured and not currently in the process of dispatching Odin off to some home for the elderly in New York, or that Odin has allowed the variant to be taken to Midgard instead of the dungeons.

Presumably neither the All-Father nor Thor are aware of the variant’s role in Frigga’s death.

Though he tries to shake them off, the images remain crystal clear: The queen mother, killed by one of Malekeith’s monster.

A shiver suddenly runs through the variant’s body on the bed and Loki holds his breath. The man shifts under the sheets but does not wake.

So, dear ‘brother’, your Nexus event was that you nearly died for the people who care for you instead of following up your heroism with deceit, as I would have done.

What sentiment.

The winged creature growls.

Loki could kill him right now.

Kill him and take his place.

It would be easy, so easy to slit his throat. It is not as if he has not committed murder before.

“I don’t enjoy hurting people. I don’t enjoy it …” But this is not ‘people’.

This man is a murderer as well.

The variant has already veered spectacularly off course from his fate, and yet there are no Minute Men next to his bed, holding him accountable for his “crimes against the sacred timeline”, nor will he be apprehended in the following years.

This man got “the Time Keepers’ stamp of approval”, just like the Avengers.

It is so monumentally unfair it is enough to make Loki’s fingers grasp for an invisible dagger. The variant’s existence makes a mockery of the life that was cruelly stolen from Loki by the TVA and for that he loathes him with every fiber of his identical body.

Why should the variant have any more right to live?

Because he will make her happy.

Loki forces himself to rein in the rage. The man will play a part in Jane’s life.

He stares at his sleeping double.

The variant is worthy.

Or just simply unbearably, ridiculously lucky.

No matter what, he must live, but if Loki stays here much longer, he fears the variant’s chances of making it past 2013 will rapidly decrease by the minute.

Loki cannot stand to look at him, nor will he contemplate the fact that the variant is comfortable enough in the apartment to discard his clothes.

If he does, he will stab him to death. And relish in it.

Loki is about to magic himself away to find somewhere nearby to wait for Thor and Jane’s return, when a noise reaches him from the hall outside the apartment.

Someone is coming towards the front door, keys in hand.

Jane.

//

He should leave immediately. Disappear before she can turn the key in the door.

But he does not.

Still looking at the sleeping, half-covered form in front of him, something finally snaps instead. The winged creature shrieks in delight.

A quick spell ensures that no sounds from outside the sleeping chamber can reach the variant, no matter how light his sleep becomes.

Another one renders all the light switches in the apartment useless.

Then Loki swiftly picks up the clothes from the floor, looks it over, and changes his own black outfit into what he is holding: A dark green, long-sleeved shirt and a pair of soft, well-known black leather pants that makes him feel both a bit homesick and a lot stronger.

Don’t do this, don’t do this.

A voice, not the clock this time but his own. He ignores it.

He does not know what Jane’s relationship with the variant is of this time or what state of mind she expects to find him in, but she has let him stay here – and right now, she is alone.

Her fingers weaving through his hair while the sun beat down on his back.

His conscience will not allow him to kill the variant, yet Loki cannot resist the temptation to be him.

Again.

But just for a heartbeat or two.

This last part he promises to himself and to her, though it does nothing to bury the shame.

Perhaps he did not change at all during his time at the TVA. Perhaps his true, villainous self just lay dormant, biding his time, while various oppressors walked all over him.

Is a stolen moment with her worth more than his honor? Is it worth jeopardizing his one chance of enlisting Thor’s help?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

This is lowest you have ever sunk.

Shut up.

He steps out of the bedroom and closes the door behind him, but not before catching a glimpse of himself in a mirror on the wall. His hair. The variant’s hair is noticeably longer. He cocks his head to the side once and the difference is levelled out.

In the hall, Jane is fiddling with the keys. When the lock clicks, Loki is sitting on the blue couch again, trying to appear casual while his pulse is racing as fast as when Bruce turned green before him.

And there she is.

Hair windswept, cheeks flushed from the cool evening air, wearing a dark green parka, jeans and boots.

Her eyes find his in the low light and a warm smile spreads on her face. His heart leaps into his throat.

“You’re back”. She does not stop to take off her jacket or attempt to turn on the lights before coming towards him and, unsure of what to say, he stands up. She stops in front of him, apparently a little unsure of the situation herself. She bites her lip.

“So how did it go?”

Her voice sounds at once both concerned and hopeful and her eyes are wide with expectation.

She is searching for some sort of positive affirmation and so Loki smiles down at her and says the only thing that seems fitting:

“It went well”.

Jane exhales loudly and her smile returns. “It did?!”

“Yes”, Loki replies, grinning at her (her smile is too infectious) and hoping she will not ask him to elaborate on whatever the subject is.

“Of course it did! I mean, you’re still here, aren’t you? Oh Loki, I’m so insanely relieved!” Jane laughs and looks like she is about to throw herself into his arms (automatically he reaches for her) when she stops herself mid-motion. “Sorry! I nearly forgot. Again!”

She takes one of his hands in both of hers, and Loki swallows hard as her fingers softly caress his with unmistakable intimacy.

“But seriously, you two didn’t fight, like fight-fight, did you …? I hope Thor didn’t …”. She trails off and looks at him questioningly.

“No. No, we didn’t fight. Don’t worry. We both … behaved”. Loki tries to catch up while keeping his replies as vague as he hopes he can afford.

The variant and Thor have had words, and Jane has worried about the outcome. Could it have been a discussion of whether to return Loki to Asgard? But then why has Thor not come back to the apartment?

In fact, why go anywhere else to talk at all, with the variant being as beat up as he is?

Because he and Thor both expected a row not suited for the indoors.

“Okay, you sit, you’ve moved around enough for one day. I’ll fix us something to eat and you’re going to tell me everything”. Jane gently lets go of his hand, then shoots him a teasing smile. “Unless you’ve emptied the fridge. Again”.

“Um”, is Loki’s inspired contribution to the conversation.

“Uh oh, pasta it is then”, Jane laughs, and goes to shrug off her jacket and boots in the hallway, revealing an open flannel shirt with a white T-shirt underneath.

Was she wearing the same thing that day in the desert town? It looks familiar.

Jane flips a light switch next to the coat rack and makes a “huh”-sound as nothing happens. She tries a lamp next to the dining table with the same result.

“Has the electricity gone again? Was it out when you got back?”

“Ah, yes. It was”.

“The landlord seriously needs to fix this, that’s the third time this week…good old London”. Jane scoffs but does not sound all that bothered.

“Can you work a little magic for us?”

When Loki does not move, Jane walks up to him (now even shorter without her footwear) and lightly places a hand on his arm, nudging him back on the couch. “Sit. And shine a light, please”.

He lets her push him down, and her hand moves up to rest on his shoulder. Now he is the one looking up at her. She is standing between his legs and there it is, the affection in her eyes that almost makes him forget that he is not the man it is meant for.

He wonders for how long he can get away with not saying anything remotely coherent before she suspects something’s amiss.

Obeying her wish, he holds out his palm and a small, orange flame appears, casting a warm glow on both their faces. Motioning with his fingers, he makes the flame float elegantly over the low coffee table in front of the couch where it stills in the air.

“I was thinking more along the lines of just making the electricity come back on, like last time, but okay, that is very pretty too”. Jane looks at the little light with wonder and Loki thinks he sees the stars in her eyes again.

Then her attention is back on him. Her fingers brush against his hair. They linger by the curls at the nape of his neck.

“I don’t know if it’s relief, but it’s almost like you look a bit … different”. Jane’s eyes roam his face, his hair. “Do you even still have a fever?”

Before Loki can answer her hand is touching his forehead.

Jane shakes her head in surprise. “It’s much better than this morning. Maybe it was good for you to get some real air after all. It has been almost three weeks …”

How easily she touches him. How sad that he's not used to being touched anymore.

He has only to lay his hand on her forehead in return and he could use his powers to reveal glimpses of her past (yes, he kept many of his gifts from the female on Lamentis).

More specifically, what has happened between her and the variant.

But not without revealing himself in the process.

Her left hand is still on his shoulder while the other now travels down the side of his cheek. He leans into her touch and closes his eyes, just breathing in the scent of her skin when he feels her bending down and locks of her auburn hair tickle his face.

He opens his eyes and looks right into hers, inches from his.

You have not earned this.

You are deliberately, selfishly, monstrously taking advantage of her.

I am a monster.

And then her mouth is on his and he does not say no.

To hell with his soul.

--------------------------------------------

For a second, she thinks she feels him tense up.

But as soon as her lips melt onto his and he immediately, hungrily reciprocates the kiss, everything is right again.

Crazy, sure, but also oh so right.

Jane literally never wants to stop kissing him.

She actually told him exactly that the other night. Or, accidentally blurted it out as they were coming up for air, since she is falling for him so fast her brain apparently cannot keep up with her mouth.

Immediately she had felt embarrassed, but it did not last longer than it took for him to raise a teasing eyebrow at her and pull her close again. “Why, Doctor Foster”, he had purred in that low voice that he absolutely knows makes her go weak, “by all means, please…(and he’d kissed her) don’t…(another kiss) stop … (kiss) Ever”.

Then he had leaned back a little, still gently cupping her face between his large hands, and flashed her the most gorgeous, happy, wickedly lascivious smile she had seen on him so far.

Not many people radiate smoldering sex appeal while simultaneously suffering from the agonizing pain of a wound inflicted by an alien sword, but of course Loki pulls it off with flying colors.

From there on, there had been no returning to ‘movie night’.

Now, trying not to break the kiss, Jane carefully moves to sit herself down on the couch as well, making sure not to press against him. For two weeks, they have been making out like teenagers whenever they are alone. Somewhat hindered by his injuries, obviously, which prohibits him from moving much – it is both very, very hot and insanely frustrating.

The first time she had kissed him, he had been too stunned to move a muscle anyway.

The second time, he had nearly ripped the wound open again.

Since then, they have tried to take it slow, although on more than one occasion, Loki has been all but begging to throw caution to the wind – “I’ll heal!", “It doesn't hurt!” (said as he looked like he was going to pass out), and, Jane’s favorite, “It might make me heal faster”.

His impatience would be quite funny if it was not because Jane was feeling just as dizzy with want.

She has been going for a lot of runs in Hyde Park lately.

“Do you have a death wish?!”, she had asked him teasingly at one point when he had spontaneously grabbed her hand as she passed him the kitchen and pulled her tight against him, only to groan loudly in pain when her body collided with his bandage.

Then he had looked suddenly very serious and let her go, and she had instantly regretted the comment.

She knows enough about his past not to joke about things like that.

“Oh. Oh, no”.

That was all her mind had been capable of thinking when she and Loki had locked eyes in the palace on Asgard, right after she had slapped him (surprising both herself and everyone around her).

He had looked down at her with his trademark arrogant smirk, except as soon as Thor and Sif had turned away, his gaze had turned infinitely softer, and Jane had felt something monumental start to shift inside of her.

Something that had nothing to do with the Aether coursing through her veins.

Not long after that, on that awful, doomsday-looking planet, he had saved her life. Twice in quick succession. And for a horrifying second, it had looked like he would die right in front of her.

The memory makes her involuntarily shudder a bit and, drawing her legs up on the couch so she can twist to face him more directly, she runs her fingers through his long, silken hair, and nips at his lower lip… and is startled when his head jerks. For real this time.

Jane draws back.

“Are you okay?”. Perhaps things did not go as smoothly with Thor as she had hoped.

It was a big ask after all.

Once more she feels a sharp pang of guilt. It is not just her and Loki’s worlds that have been turned resoundingly upside down in a matter of one turbulent month.

Loki seems lost for words, and the sadness flooding his face shocks her.

He is far from okay.

In fact, he looks close to tears. Were it not because she had just felt his cool forehead, she would have assumed it was the fever flaring up.

Jane feels her stomach tie itself into a knot. They are taking him away from her before they have even had a chance be together.

Or, even worse still, he has regretted everything about their unlikely union.

“Jane, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry…”

Here it comes, Jane thinks as nausea builds. Erik is about to be proved right about him.

She lets go of him. He is clearly wrestling with himself.

And he does look different. Is this what him dropping the mask looks like?

It is more than just his facial expression, it is his entire posture. Even wounded and half delirious with fever, Loki usually carries himself with no small amount of pride.

His eyes are so lost.

What the hell is going on?

“Just tell me, Loki”. Jane tries to disguise how alarmed she suddenly feels. His touch is the same, and yet it is like a stranger is taking over the man in front of her.

He inhales deeply and runs both his hands through his hair. Entirely without wincing as he lifts his elbows above his chest, she notices.

“Okay”, he begins. “Jane…” (the way he says her name, like he is tasting the word) “…you have every right to hate me for what I’m about to tell you. I truly deserve nothing less.”

She feels the tears welling up.

“I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe you’re doing this.” Her voice breaks and Loki has the audacity to look taken aback.

“Are you being dragged back to Asgard, or are you dumping me? After trying so hard to get into my pants?!”

It comes out way too harshly, and Loki appears genuinely flummoxed.

Also, his face has gone red.

“Oh, Jane, no, he’s not going to… He won’t leave. I mean- ”

“What?” A chill runs down her spine.

“’He’? ‘He’ who? Thor?”

Before he can answer, they both jump a little as her phone suddenly goes off in her bag by the door.

That inane ringtone.

She still has not changed it.

Erik. She promised she’d let him know as soon as …

Jane wants to ignore it, but then her mentor will most likely keep calling and she cannot put it on silent from the couch. Loki probably could though, but she is not about to ask.

“Wait”. She holds up a hand and gets up.

While rummaging in the bag, a single tear runs down her cheek. No. She will keep her composure and listen to what he has to say like the commonsensical grown-up woman that she is.

Was.

She’s only just begun to get to know him properly, so why does it feel like she won’t be able to live without him?

She pulls out the damn phone and presses the button on the side.

The she straightens up again and turns. “Okay, Loki …”

Jane gasps.

The room is dark. And empty.

No, he didn’t!

“Loki!”

No answer.

She stalks over to the couch and frantically looks around. Nothing.

“Loki, don’t you dare!”

The phone vibrates in her hand. Shaking all over, Jane answers the call. “Erik?”. Her voice is very small. “Yes, hi, Jane, it’s me. Listen, has Loki gotten back yet?”

She starts crying. “Erik, he left. He was here when I came home and just now, he disappeared! He didn’t even say goodbye.”

She can hear how desperate she sounds.

“What do you mean ‘disappeared’?” Erik sounds confused.

“He is gone! I turned my back on him for one second and he vanished!” Jane’s voice breaks.

“Look, Jane, I really can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe you misunderstood him? He came to see me not two hours ago after that thing with Thor and, well, let’s just say he went out of his way to make a case for himself. And you…”

“What? What did he- ”

“Jane?” Darcy’s voice cuts through. She must have taken the phone from Erik. “The lunatic is absolutely batshit crazy about you, okay? Stop blubbering. He’s probably just bored and fucking with you since you’re not actually f- ”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Muffled sounds, as Erik wrestles the phone back.

“Come on over, Jane, okay? We’re all still at the lab. Ian’s made tortillas if you can believe it”.

“But…” Jane wavers. Is Loki really playing a joke on her?

Erik is not taking no for answer: “Jane, don’t indulge these little games of his, okay? Come have dinner with us, and I’ll tell you what he told me before. And if he isn’t back later tonight, it’ll be my pleasure to enlist Thor to beat the crap out of him. It’s long overdue”.

Despite herself, Jane cannot help but smile.

“Okay. I’m coming over”. She exhales. The feeling of unease is subsiding a bit.

“Good girl”, Erik says. “Tell her to bring beer!” Darcy shouts from somewhere in background.

Jane hangs up and puts on her boots again. Loki and Erik had an actual conversation with no casualties?

She grabs her jacket and slams the front door behind her.

He really is infuriating, that prince of hers.

If he turns up later, she will make him pay dearly for scaring her.

No making out for a week.

(Yeah, right.)

To be continued in part 7 ....

This was supposed to have been the final chapter. Only 'someone' needed extra time star gazing. Please forgive me him!

[straighttohellbuddy]

📓 !!

Okay im so excited please know I think about How The Light Gets In's world every day still, and so anyways here is a side story I want to write but there's a lot of set up regarding the reader and eef becoming friends again. For context, they were incredibly close around 2014-2017, but people were getting creepy and invasive and demanding about their friendship (think 2012 toxic side of the Phandom, if that makes sense), and a lot of the reader's relationships were strained at that time because while they had been successful before, they were absolutely blowing up after their first album released and they became far more mainstream. They felt like they were bothering the people they had become closest to, both because they're worried that they're a bother, and because gossip rags and paps would harrass their friends looking for a scoop, and so they ended up just completely cutting off contact without warning one day right before they went on their first tour. the start of HTLGI is about 3 years since they'd been in proper contact with any of the creators they were close to at that time.

DON'T LOOK AT ME on their 2017 ep Hyperfocus was a more general song in response to everything that had been happening in their life around that time, with a focus on how they stop associating with anyone for a while, without outright addressing it, but on their latest album n o s t a l g i a, read at 5am ft. Troye was specifically written at the start of quarantine, when the reader was getting back into YouTube, about their feelings regarding how their friendship with ethan ended, as they spent a lot of this time looking back of their YouTube career, and he was the person they were closest to for a very long time, before they iced everyone out.

OKAY SO THERES MORE OF THE BACKGROUND OF THE WHOLE FIC AND THE READER BUT

Werewolf Ethan & Mark. I'm sorry I don't make the rules. They have golden retriever energy you cannot change my mind. But also because this is the HTLGI you know that supernatural characteristics are able to be activated rather than just triggered by the full moon. What I'm trying to say is since this is set in the year of Unus Annus, they film a video together that's like, you know that show where a person has to try and outwit a professional tracker? Except its the reader being tracked by two werewolves at night in a national park. Reader is wearing some sort of night vision camera on themselves so whenever it cuts to them the audience can't actually see how they're using their powers, if that makes sense.

Also the reader agreed to this knowing it would probably be when they ended up telling Mark and Ethan about them being a demon.

Video is titled Hunting Down An Old Friend

A few Moments that the boys edit out:

The reader using their stupidly sharp prehensile tail to swing from tree branches, though they leave in shots where the reader's tail can't be seen.

Knowing that with the werewolves having advanced hearing, the reader would give themselves away by talking to the camera, they take a few minutes having flown up to a high tree branch, to pull out a notebook and do a little sketch of how Mark and Ethan appear in their Demon True Sight, and holding it up to their camera.

Werewolves being one of the animals who can kind of sense demons without being able to identify them, essentially like dogs can sense natural disasters and are often good judges of character, this can be heightened on command for werewolves. There's about 15 minutes of footage cut out of the boys discussing or mentioning how this place has awful vibes and that they should have done this during the day. It gets worse as they get closer to the reader, who didn't realise that the boys hadn't thought to ever use that particular power around them before.

("I say this with so much love and appreciation for you, dude," Ethan yells, looking up at you from the base of the tree they'd finally found you in, "but I- this is making me anxious I feel like something terrible's gonna happen, and we should probably get out of here and film the rest of the video back at Mark's." And behind him, Mark's nodding, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, eyes scanning the trees for whatever was most likely the cause of this terrible impending doom.

Oh. It's you. And they don't know its you.

Now or never, you suppose.

"Can you cut the cameras for a second? You're going to be fine I promise," you called back, and though they obligingly did, they both seemed antsy. You cleared your throat awkwardly, "that... that terrible feeling, that's not the park or anything in it- well I mean, it is, but it's just- it's me."

and later

"Dude your wings smell like rotten eggs."

"To YOU Ethan! And no they don't!"

"If it makes you feel better they smell like burning and rotten eggs."

"It does not."

(for reference, when enhancing their sense of smell werewolves can kind of distinguish various supernatural creatures, or parts of supernatural creatures. Some creatures have an inherent scent, but some, like angels and demons, only have distinct scents when they've activated certain attributesor abilities; demon wings smell like fire and brimstone, which unfortunately means burning and rotten eggs. I like to think angels wings are like the love potion in Harry Potter that smells like the things you love the most. Mark and Ethan usually don't enhance it around each other because they smell like wet dog to the other)

This gets about 2k notes on tumblr. The reader likes it:

Ethan finally finding Y/N at the end of Hunting Down An Old Friend (2020) Colourised.

Other things to note regarding all this:

It takes a while to rebuild their friendship to the point where they're comfortable enough to be on camera together (eef and reader specifically).

However, the Unus Annus video is the first thing they properly do together, and the reader, in an effort to connect more and make up for the past, will join in multiplayer gaming streams if asked.

Impromptu duet in proximity Among Us of Young Volcanoes by Fall Out Boy, which has their respective chats and fandoms losing their minds, except it stops abruptly after the first chorus as they both remember the opening lines of the second verse (make it easy, say I never mattered -- those lyrics hit a little too close to home)

But also the reader convinces him to join him for a proper cover in like, February of 2021, and it's something deeply sappy (I'm thinking Bon Iver by mxmtoon because I think its sweet and fits them well)

Also Ethan being reminded that the reader is kind of a much bigger deal than when they'd been friends before.

designed to hurt (touch me) from their ep Working On It is nominated for a Grammy for Track of the Year, and n o s t a l g i a wins Best Pop Album (because it's my fic and I said so)

FIRST OF ALL designed to hurt (touch me) is a beautifully produced song about Corpse (which people do not know) and the title itself is literally making fun of something he said IMAGINE his reaction to it being Grammy Nominated 😂😂😂 God he'd be proud but lowkey fuming, meanwhile the moment the nominations are announced the reader tweets:

me: here is an album where I processed my entire world view including heartfelt explorations of the trauma of existing and oversharing in the public eye from a young age without the traditional barrier between audience and entertainer

the grammys: that's cute BUT you know the song you wrote to bully your boyfriend and also be horny on main for him before you guys were even dating? THAT deserves its own recognition.

meanwhile Ethan's like..... this is the same person who I filmed a video with playing cards against humanity, and you laughed so hard you almost threw up. I am very proud but deeply confused.

The Hot Meme of Late April 2021 is "2 time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" with a gif, still, or quote from the reader where they're just being an absolute chaos gremlin.

Of course we have "If I bleached my asshole for charity I'd do it tastefully."

2 Time Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N speaking to their actual boyfriend in the year of our lord 2020: You are being executed for Clown Crimes.

ethan posts a short video to twitter simply of his screen where he's renaming a folder from "Never Before Seen Images of Grammy Award Winning Artist Y/N" simply changing it to 2 time Artist. The reader responds specifically to his tweet with a video of themselves asking Google how to hard reset someone else's computer.

So many screenshots from old videos surface that week.

I miss this world. Sorry this is rambly!!

[angryinternetduck]

Masterlist

harry styles x reader: 

Bet On It - 5.9k You and Harry are friends; you’re betting he wants more. It takes a few joking confessions of love, a no-show date, a yellow flower, and charming forms of communication to determine a winner. 

a ghost of a chance - 600 You just don’t have a ghost of a chance with Harry Styles.

oh to stay - 4.9k a friends with benefits situation featuring rules, tennis balls, and crumby bread puns. 

Lucky - 6.7k 🎃 The house is haunted, the cat is lucky, and the neighbor is not, in fact, a ghost. A halloween fic published in August!  Cocoa - 4.5k 🎄 A Christmas party at James Corden’s house turns into a hot chocolate excursion with Harry Styles. You’re supposed to call, he’s supposed to text, you look cute and in love... And according to Harry, you’ve got a nice voice. Harry Styles x famous!reader; a Christmas fic published in August <3 

sleepover - 1.5k Pure fluff. You and Harry have a sleepover, he does a gecko impression, and wow, he sure does love you a lot.  yellow & blue - 2.7k Pure angst. Harry reminiscing, regretting, despairing you and his relationship with you at the 2020 Brits. 

a mutual feeling - 9.5k You’re antsy, Harry’s not your friend, and the answer - is yes. Harry doesn’t do relationships but he does do sex. a boxerry au of sorts where Harry’s dad is your trainer but you’re a better fighter. 

When All Feels Lost - 30k Three chapters of you, a struggling actress, and Harry Styles, a has-been producer, trying to find a play just terrible enough to be perfect.  

Pickpocket - 1.5k Stolen rings, a far away Harry, and lots of ice cream. You moonlight as a pickpocket, and Harry’s proper entertaining.

‘twas the night before tour - 925 Quiet dinners, sweet singing, and clumsy dancing. When he comes back, he’ll bring you a wedding ring. 

goodnight n go - 5k Harry’s gotta go. He’s always gotta go, always just about to miss his train, and your apartment feels emptiest right after Harry leaves. Your heating’s down, Harry can’t cook, and it’s disorienting to wake up in Harry’s arms. A game of Go Fish and some not-so-cool moments later, and, well, Harry’s goodnight n go is pretty much out the window. Based off Ariana Grande’s goodnight n go! 

Key - 4.3k Harry’s a cute barista, he wore some atrocious neon green crocs, and his sole purpose in life is flattering you. You’ve got to quarantine, so you consider buying a monkey and painting the cafe. Two proposals and several cookie deliveries later, and still nobody knows what’s happening with quarantine. But you and Harry will figure it out together. Written for the Quarantine Challenge!

Questions - 855 He’s missing out on all the fun, you’re less subtle than you think you are, and Harry stole a telescope. Plus a shooting star. For the amazing Fic Slam!

A Clean Break - 1.9k  You said you wouldn’t cry, and he said it would be a clean break, but the “want” is present tense. Harry’s got a dog named Noodle.  Noodle - 2.2k The before and after of A Clean Break. Harry gets a dog, eats some ramen, and then takes a detour on his way to a double date. 

Sweet Creature - 1.2k It starts with a few notes, and ends in a kiss, and Harry’s written a new song.

I Guess So - ~400 You want to drive, but it’s just so hard to argue with Harry Styles. 

Sunshine - 4.6k Harry calls you Sunshine and you light up his world like nobody else. Only problem is that you’re both involved with other people. Then, suddenly, you’re not, and he’s not either, and Harry still compares you to a star. 

Cheers - a little under 1.5k  A college au kinda thing where you’re a bit tipsy, very rambly, and not a fan of the Christmas in July party you’re at. Written for the 20k fic celebration! 

Like a Fool - just under 2k A college au of a reader insert featuring a coffee discussion, some rom coms, and a bad Grease reference. Also, there’s a party, and there’s a kiss, and there’s just a bit of heartbreak.  ...In Love - 2.5k A little while later, and there’s a double date. Harry has a thing against pencil tapping, and this wasn’t his plan at all. One more double date, and a little switcheroo, and you’re a fool in love. [part two of Like a Fool]

Meant to Be - 1.5k It’s cheesy, but true: you and Harry were meant to be. You just hope your first fight won’t ruin everything. Written for the Boyfriendathon!

fireworks - 2.5k A reader insert featuring lots of fireworks, a lack of wine, and a New Year’s Eve party. Harry doesn’t like fireworks, but he gets them anyway. He should dye his hair pink. Some failed dates, a birthday surprise, a summer wedding.

Ice Cream - 1.5k Maybe you work at an ice cream shop. Maybe Harry Styles comes in one night, pissed off his face, and maybe he throws up all over you and figures he’s got to take you out to dinner to make up for it.

Brit Awards 2014 - 415 words He was having a wee. The toilets were ages away. Really.

harry styles x original female characters:

Kiwi - 2.3k

She’s crazy, she has a cactus, and she smells like caramel; Harry Styles is into it and gets a song out of it.

Carolina - 2.7k She’s got a family in Carolina, and she’s at a bar, and Harry Styles sees her, and they click, and then she’s gone, and Harry writes a song.

Canyon Moon - 3.2k She’s got a yellow guitar, and a rabbit named Rabbit, and Harry Styles keeps thinking back to that time under the canyon moon.

Only Angel - 2.3k She loves old rom coms, and she used to play piano, and she’s got Harry Styles wrapped around her little finger. She’s pandemonium, and there’s nothing she can do about it. Meet Me in the Hallway - 1.8k  She’s still pandemonium, but she’s breaking his heart. Over and over, but Harry can’t let her go, because she may be the pain, but she’s also the antidote. Arabella’s gotta get better, Harry needs his morphine, and purple is the color of royalty. [part two of Only Angel]

~ fic rec ~

[natigail]

It’s weird to think that an impulse decision to binge watch All my videos! (sit back and enjoy the ride) in the summer of 2014 lead me to be part of this fandom today and all the things it has brought with it. I’ve got a lot to thank one Daniel Howell for and what is a better time than his birthday?

He’d the one who drew me into his and Phil’s little corner of the internet and something in those first handful of videos I watched made want to know more. It was a time before the gaming channel had even come to pass - a channel where both him and Phil arguably relaxed and opened up more than they really did on their main channels. Still, there was this connection to these two British tall dorks. Both of them, but always in particular Dan.

I relate to him very much. His weekly liveshows were my favourite for a very long time, because tuning in every Tuesday and hearing him go off on his famous tangents, speaking fast and circling through topics like no other created a sense of comfort in my chest. I’ve always been someone very appreciative of works and those who can put them eloquently together. Dan does that so flawlessly. 

It’s marking down those live show quotes that brought me properly into the phandom as well. Coming here on tumblr, this is my first proper fandom experience and I still love this community so very much. Later I also started properly writing fics for the community and well, I still haven’t stopped. Inspired by these two guys, who openly encouraged and supported creative endeavors such as fic, I’ve grown so much in my writing and created many stories that I am so proud of. 

Dan’s depression video and his coming out videos were two videos I could never have predicted when I first watched this guy comedically tell about how he got sunburnt or lost his hamster. It feels like in the blink of an eye, both of us have kind of grown up a whole lot more. It’s a little scary but also kind of wonderful. I won’t be reaching 30 for a few more years but it doesn’t feel really scary after seeing Dan and Phil both make it to that age. Phil in particular has always been good about never allowing anyone to make him a “boring” adult. 

Dan made me feel like my mental health struggles was valid and real even before he spoke out about his own depression. He helped create a big and wonderful community full of queer people without even being out. I can’t help but feel I learned a lot about my own mental health and sexuality alongside of him. Like I’ve had a buddy on the screen.

His content is different now but that’s not bad. It feels right. He’s never been very good at doing things inauthentically and I respect that a lot. You will get through this night from what I have made it through so far has already made me feel reassured and given me helpful tips. I won’t be able to take them all but it’s a good book all the same. He might never return to the “classic” YouTube videos that got him noticed in the first place but I have made my peace with that long ago. After all, it is quite inspiring to see someone check in with themselves and evaluate what they need to do with their life to be the best version of themselves. 

I hope Dan has had the happiest of birthdays in his and Phil’s new home. Hopefully it is just the first birthday of many experienced within those walls. I know Phil will have spoiled him and I have seen the outpouring of love, and all of the wonderfully creative gifts sent his way by their community - a community that has helped me grow and feel so much comfort. You did well, Dan. You’ve helped so many people. 

[takaraphoenix]

listen I was wayyy too young for the wattpad side of fandom that was 2015, but I was wondering, were you ever into wattpad? if not, are you familiar with the tropes that found a firm home/beginning there (i.e sold to a band)? thoughts on it now?

Uuuuuh so listen I was way too old for that shit...?

I got my FFNet account in 2009 and was always pretty happy just being there. Took until 2014 to make an AO3 account when it became really very apparent that AO3 was an upcoming thing that was going to be a big deal in the fanfiction community.

But deadass, wattpad was a thing? Like, the first I ever even heard of that site was around 2018-ish, I think, when people started telling me that shithead thieves have been posting my work on that. Never heard of that before.

Still, to this day, literally never heard anyone say anything positive about that orange shithole outside of “my works were stolen too”. No one’s ever, in my fifteen years as a fanfiction writer, recommended me Wattpad as an actual platform to read or to post on. AO3 I was sold on by people who praised the tag function and how easy it’s to navigate, many peopled asked me if I had an AO3 account before I got it. No one’s ever positively mentioned Wattpad before to me.

I have a truly hard time grasping that for some people that side was like... their genuine... introduction to fanfiction?? How? FFNet’s been around long enough, AO3′s existed a while now? How was there ever a generation created that somehow fell between those two and into that orange hellhole? Why did no one take them by the hand and brought them to a respectable non-orange-hellhole site...?

Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, I can not imagine that shithole breeding even a single good, fun trope because my opinion on it could not be lower. That’s the site where scum goes to post stolen fics and even beyond that this site is unnavigatbale - on multiple occasions, I have tried to sift through it to find more of my fics but seriously you can not... FFNet is amazingly organized compared to that shit how do people even find things. I can’t believe anything good comes from that site.

(Yes, yes, I’m sure/aware that not all authors on it are scum and thieves and certainly there are many, many regular fic authors just posting their own works. I do still question the decision to land on this ugly, unintuitive website instead of a proper fanfiction site though.)

The fact that your example is “sold to a band” really drives that home, imo. Not kink shaming the people who are/were into whatever that means but I would like to uninstall the knowledge of that being a thing, please.

[bettsfic]

do you know anything about like, the development of the purity rhetoric that now seems to be ubiquitous in fandom and how it got there? i used to be on tumblr in like, 2014 and only recently came back to fandom and i remember everyone being generally kind of cool with things like incest ships and morally grey characters (speaking specifically re the frozen fandom and elsa/anna here lmao) whereas now it seems like the conversation about those things has drastically shifted and i am..puzzled by it

this is what i imagine that experience was like for you:

according to fanlore, purity culture started in the homestuck fandom which. based on what i know of homestuck, that tracks. however i’ve never been in homestuck so i’m not sure what that transformation was like. all i know is my personal experience with the disk horse. afaik there’s no cohesive timeline of events across fandom, and i lack the time and resources to be able to make one myself. if anyone knows of one, or wants to make one, please let me know.

i do know that purity culture is a movement started by very young teenagers, who were maybe 13-15 in 2014 and are now 18-20. they were 8-10 when ao3 was founded, and therefore seem to have a limited knowledge of fan history, censorship, and critical thinking. i’m hoping that since they’re now entering college, they’ll get some insight and broader social awareness, and this movement will finally die out in the next few years. 

on any other platform, at any other time, their toxic rhetoric would not have gained traction. but here and now, on tunglr dot com where anyone can gain a platform, where mob mentality thrives and inciting an anonymous dogpile is as easy as hitting Post, where the brokenness of this place makes it difficult to control the content you’re exposed to -- it’s the perfect storm. we live in an age of hopelessness. young people grow up with social media as an extension of their identities, tethered to devices that hold all the information in the world. i think it’s fair for them to be afraid of their futures, and i can understand the desire to control the online spaces where they have the most agency, where their voices are the loudest. 

that may explain why, but not how. as in, where did they pick up this mentality at all? @freedom-of-fanfic (whose work is a necessity in understanding the disk horse) connected anti-shipping to TERF rhetoric. i’ve linked the fanlore page because it has all of the links and some of the responses. i honestly do believe that the language surrounding purity culture has its ugly roots in TERFdom. at its core, purity culture -- the policing of female and queer sexuality -- is misogyny. 

when i started writing destiel circa 2014, fandom was as you described. wincest was a juggernaut on par with destiel. teen wolf was full of underage and noncon. a/b/o was on the rise. it seemed like fandom was a genre without restraint -- anything you wrote, if it found the right audience, would be celebrated unabashedly. people who have been following me for a long time know that i was addicted to adderall at the time and pounding out all sorts of manic nonsense. i remember living on the validation of comments (and at the time, there were lots of comments. not so much anymore, but that’s another story). i got critical comments only rarely, and they were the type that i admired -- readers without judgment thinking through the story, reacting to it earnestly. i made some of my best friends because they left long, critical comments on my work. sometimes they didn’t like it, sometimes they did, but ultimately, they were engaged, and that’s what counted.

i remember my first policing-type comment, i think at the start of all the purity nonsense. it was a destiel fic, and someone very angrily told me i should tag my bottom!cas because it was triggering. i’ve thought about that comment a lot over the years. top/bottom discourse is nothing new, but to say that bottom castiel is triggering? that was ridiculous. but then i realized -- there was a writer in fandom at the time i won’t name, who was known for being extremely sensitive (for bottom!cas especially, which they found triggering), and their very dedicated following offered fic that was safe for their fave to read. i have nothing against this person at all. they were not part of the purity discourse, they were up front about their sensitive nature, and as far as i knew (i believe i met them at a con once?) they were very kind. 

but that commenter had been clearly influenced by this person and believed that a specific fictional character receiving anal sex from another specific fictional character was actual, real triggering content, and it was my obligation as a writer to tag for it. which i did, because i felt bad, and i was baffled by that request. at the time, i wanted more than anything to be liked, and conformed wherever i could. if i got such a request now, i would ignore it because it was rudely written and honestly kind of bonkers. i’d happily add a tag for something i may have missed, or even something i’d never considered before, but there’s no reason a person can’t make that request politely. 

this situation isn’t about purity discourse proper (the commenter didn’t tell me not to write the fic, and it had nothing to do with morality), but it’s the earliest example i can think of where the process of policing had occurred: a person of influence on tumblr affected their follower’s thinking, and that follower felt entitled to command another writer to conform to that ideology.

i could be completely wrong about making these connections. maybe that commenter truly believed bottom!cas was a legitimate widespread trauma. they did not say the fic was triggering to them, but that it might be to some other people, in the same way purity police say “think of the CHILDREN” when in fact they don’t give a fuck about children at all. 

after destiel i moved to stucky, which was, at the time, a juggernaut ship where anyone could write anything. this was also the time when the term “cinnamon roll” became incredibly popular, circa 2015. it was a fun and seemingly innocuous meme, but it positioned the ideas of “purity” and “wholesomeness” in sharp relief, and cemented these ideas by beginning to give it a distinct vocabulary. “trash” was pitched as its opposite. stucky is where i first came into contact with “antis.” in destiel, there had been ship wars, sure, but it was of a different flavor than antis. destiel vs wincest wasn’t about morality in 2014. it was about everything but.

in stucky in 2015, however, the disk horse was running rampant. the MCU had a sub-section of fandom called HTP (hydra trash party) in which steve and/or bucky have dubious or nonconsensual relations with various or many members of hydra. this is the first time i remember being aware of morality becoming a cornerstone of shipping. HTP was loathed by purity police. by the time i wrote a stucky bdsm au, i’d accumulated multiple nasty anons, rude comments from entitled readers, and other nonsense that all said the same thing: your filth is not welcome here in our space of purity. go away.

but the release of the force awakens is what really turned the tide. TFA offered three major ships: stormpilot (as it was called at the time, now finnpoe), reylo, and kylux. the fandom that developed around the sequels was firmly divided. franzeska wrote an amazing meta about this phenomenon which gives some insight into the seeds of purity policing. in short, stormpilot should have been the primary pairing of the sequels, but instead many of the badwrong writers from other fandoms (and HTP specifically, which was how i entered the fandom) flocked to the blank slate of kylux. 

it took a long time for the ship to gain traction. a friend told me that kylux had started with angry star wars racists who hated that there was diversity in the sequel trilogy. and i told them no, i was there, there were twelve of us and a cornchip, and all we cared about was the dirty/darkly comedic potential of these two ridiculous villain characters in one of the biggest franchises of all time. it wasn’t that complicated. i don’t mean to dismiss the discussion of race in fandom; i think it’s important to acknowledge that racism, as franzeska describes far better than i can, plays a huge part in fandom, particularly in star wars, and it’s an important and ongoing discussion to be having, especially given what kelly marie tran has gone through, and how it affected (presumably) rose tico’s extremely limited presence in TROS.

the early fics of kylux weren’t particularly taboo. they were post-TFA hurt/comfort mostly, then slowly the bdsm and power dynamics crept in. those of us who wanted to get away from purity discourse had finally found a new home. for a while. 2016 was the golden era of kylux. we were all very happy.

i remember talking to a friend about how there were certain things i couldn’t write in certain ships. being from ye olden days of fandom, she was appalled by this idea, and told me i could write anything for any ship i wanted, wasn’t that was the whole point of transformative works? and i agreed! but i tried to explain, if you post badwrong for a fandom of purity police, you’re going to, at best, get dogpiled in your comments/inbox. at worse they will find you, call your employer, and try to ruin your life. people will tell you to kill yourself. they’ll report your tumblr and try to get your blog shut down. there are real-life, harrowing consequences to writing taboo fic, and many who write fic as a hobby don’t have the emotional energy to field these risks.

around this time, discord became popular, which offered a private space for badwrong writers to congregate. i had started grad school and didn’t have much time to write fic. metoo was happening. tromp got elected. kylux was slowly turning mainstream so a lot of us turned our attention to gradence in fantastic beasts. some went on to hannibal and other fandoms that hadn’t yet caught the attention of purity police (but it was, as it is now, just a matter of time). kylux, i feel, was specifically decimated by a single fan creator, who was like a police chief. they would get wind of someone writing underage or noncon and write a call-out post about them, and that writer/artist would get pitchforked. a few times, my comments or posts got screencapped, and posts were written urging people to stop reading my works because of how heinously immoral i was. this happened to several of my friends too. 

the great tumblr tittyban of 2017 happened, which only added fuel to the fire and further legitimized the purity movement. i shifted hesitantly to the 100 fandom, which seemed small in comparison to supernatural, marvel, and star wars. i thought it was a chill place. i was wrong; it was just as toxic as other fandoms. but i also didn’t care anymore, and i appreciated that i was mostly left alone. more importantly, i found a lot of support from other people who were as tired of the purity as i was, and @the100kinkmeme was reborn. 

the state of things is pretty abysmal. there are some really amazing writers out there writing under multiple sock accounts, keeping their fandom identities shattered so as not to call attention to themselves. as much as i understand why writers do that, and i respect that decision, i also think it’s sad. it deprives readers the chance to read that author’s other works. it limits the sense of community and our ability to make friends. it fractures the future of the genre.

what’s most important to acknowledge is that none of this is happening solely in fandom. i went to a writers’ conference where 2 of 3 panels were about the history of moral policing and censorship in art. it is worth noting that of the 40-ish visiting writers on faculty, only one (1) was a woman of color (jaimaica kincaid). naturally, older rich white people who have spent their life in the arts are all about death of the author, separation of art and artist. they’re on the total opposite side of purity police, and they won’t acknowledge at all that racism and sexism are a problem in the creative world. they don’t have any nuance on the discussion, or modern perspectives in light of metoo or popular culture. 

this went on longer than i anticipated. i neglected to mention YFIP (your fave is problematic) an old blog that started the idea of call-out culture by pulling receipts on celebrities, and how call-out culture led to cancel culture, which also aided in the purity disk horse. i think a lot can be said about how some of this stuff is genuinely good (metoo and holding men accountable for their bullshit) while also being profoundly toxic (punishing criminals via mob mentality, ruining their careers and livelihoods through social media, rather than giving them their due process in court. i understand it -- the judicial system is built by the hands of the very predators we seek to condemn, but still. the jury of the internet is never a fair trial). 

if you want to read more, my tag is tsatp (the sacred and the profane). i’m sure i’ve left out a lot, but i can only speak to my experience. i think it would be good if people would share their experience dealing with purity policing, too, so we might get a cohesive timeline in place. feel free to reblog and add your story.