#bonus post-credit scene is erlich finding out about this

[retrauxpunk]

fun thought experiment;; say this lockdown thing happened back in 2014 when the boys were still all in the incubator together? how are they getting on? i’d love to know what you think would happen :))

this is begging to be written into a proper fic but alas for now all i can wring out from ‘haven’t-regularly-written-fic-in-so-long’ brain is a bunch of drabbles like so:

erlich stockpiles on weed and other than that is basically fine because we all know his life is just spent hanging around the incubator getting stoned anyway. at least, he is fine at first. then we realise that of course all the pent-up energy that is normally released by talking over richard in meetings, insulting investors, and yelling I OWN TEN PERCENT now has nowhere to go, so he becomes stir-crazy and, i dunno, starts a vlog. which he quickly abandons when he realises this is Work and he’d rather just get catatonically blazed every day.

what becomes of pied piper? i guess richard might view this as more time to work on it (esp if this occurs pre-techcrunch) and the team tries to do investor meetings over zoom and raise funds like that. which is, arguably, better … because now at least richard can duck out of frame whenever he’s struck by the urge to vomit.

jared adjusts to the lockdown so well that it’s a bit scary, because obviously the reason why he seems fine is because he’s gone through way worse in his childhood! this isn’t jared’s first lockdown, and at least this time it’s with his friends/colleagues and in the interests of public health, rather than due to the whims of some deranged criminal foster parent.

at least, that’s what jared tells himself. it doesn’t stop the nightmares, though, that have shifted up a notch in frequency.

jared starts going on walks, finding the most deserted parks he can find and hiking for hours.

one day richard has something of a breakdown because of how much the pandemic has fucked with pied piper, and jared drags him along on a hike. richard doesn’t make it to the park, obviously, because he is chronically unfit. but it’s nice to get some fresh air. the two of them start going on walks together, through the deserted streets of palo alto, and jared thinks, it’s like i have richard all to myself. i can pretend we’re the last two people on earth.

richard, meanwhile, thinks, jared might be someone useful to have around if this goes full-on apocalyptic.

dinesh and gilfoyle continue as usual with their constant bickering, prompting richard more than once to go down the lines of ‘why don’t you just fuck each other and get it over with’

to which gilfoyle one day responds, ‘is that what you finally did with jared?’

‘what?’ snaps richard, face contorting in indignation and disbelief

‘you heard what i said’

richard opens his mouth and nothing comes out, before he huffs a fake laugh, a mumbled ‘i don’t know what you’re talking about’, and storms from the room just as jared enters, colliding head-on with him

there’s an awkward flurry of apology and then jared notices dinesh and gilfoyle staring

‘is there something going on?’ he asks. ‘do i – have something on my face, or …’

‘nothing!’ says dinesh, much too loudly. meanwhile gilfoyle just silently turns away.

when jared leaves, gilfoyle flicks a glance at dinesh and happens to catch his eye. the silence a little too long.

meanwhile richard sits in his room and replays the conversation in his head, is that what you finally did with jared? 

jared?

‘finally’?

i don’t know what they’re talking about. jared just likes me as a – coworker. i sure don’t like like jared. (i mean, he is the best-looking one in the incubator, if i had to choose – wait, what?)

(it’s normal to notice these things with people you live with. he’s just – objectively conventionally attractive. like russ hanneman said, right? jared’s a tall, handsome guy … with very blue eyes.)

(i don’t have to, like, like men to think that, right? not that it would be an issue if i did, i mean … if anything, right now it’d be convenient – just – pragmatically speaking –)

richard pushes the thought away.

over the next few days, it comes back, along with a whole host of other thoughts like how nice it is that jared knows all these hiking trails and there’s no-one around and if i did kiss him, this would be the perfect place for it, now there’s an idea and what the fuck where did that thought come from?

the latter thought gets upgraded from ‘guest star’ to ‘recurring actor’, so much so that whenever they spend time together jared starts noticing that something’s up with richard, he’s somehow more jittery than usual – and nowadays, when jared lays a brief, casual hand on richard’s arm or shoulder mid-conversation, richard fights to react in an appropriate way, to not let the internal meltdown show on his face.

the next time he witnesses dinesh and gilfoyle arguing, richard keeps his mouth shut and leaves the room, heading to the backyard for some fresh air. he finds jared sitting on one of the lawn chairs, and fights the impulse to head back inside. the closest chair is the one next to jared, which is the perfect excuse to sit next to him.

‘oh hello, richard,’ says jared, smiling, as richard sits down.

‘hey,’ says richard.

their chairs are so close that their arms are touching, but richard doesn’t move. neither does jared.

meanwhile, dinesh and gilfoyle’s fight has escalated to the point where they’re right in each other’s faces, dinesh ranting about gilfoyle being the pretentious stubborn arrogant asshole he is.

gilfoyle doesn’t flinch, and his only response is, in a maddeningly even tone, ‘is that all you think of me?’

dinesh opens his mouth to reply and then he catches the barest hint of a smirk on gilfoyle’s face. before he knows it, gilfoyle is leaning in closer, and for a split second dinesh thinks oh god, no, but much much louder is the voice telling him – shouting – yes! now’s your chance, don’t fucking fuck it up and before he can talk himself out of, he grabs gilfoyle’s jacket and pulls him into a kiss.

they stay like that for a while, kissing in the middle of the kitchen, until the sound of the screen door makes them jump apart as if electrocuted.

richard and jared are standing in the doorway, eyes wide, mouths open, as if they’d been interrupted mid-conversation by the shock

‘what are you looking at?’ says gilfoyle finally

‘yeah,’ says dinesh, with a sudden bolt of courage, ‘why don’t you leave, and – what was the phrase – “fuck each other and get it over with?”’

richard meets jared’s eyes, then grins recklessly and grabs his hand. ‘come on, jared,’ he says, and pulls jared after him, down the corridor and into his room, feeling dinesh and gilfoyle’s eyes like laser sights on his back. he doesn’t look back though, he just looks up at jared, and jared is smiling like he can’t believe what’s happening, equal parts confusion, disbelief, and hope on his face.

richard closes his door and spins round to face jared, who is standing very, very close. he swallows, suddenly doubtful.

‘do you –’ he has to clear his throat, it’s so dry – ‘do you want to, uh – pick up where we left off?’ he dares a look up at jared from beneath his eyelashes, keenly aware of what feels like wildfire painting his face.

jared puts a hand beneath richard’s chin and gently tilts his face upward. their eyes meet, and richard steadies a little.

‘i would love nothing more,’ jared murmurs, smiling that little smile. it’s like he’s afraid to reveal any more happiness, lest it be spotted and snatched away.

richard grins, takes hold of jared’s collar and kisses him – and it’s only slightly less clumsy than that first kiss by the pool, but god, it feels just as good. jared takes a small step forward, pressing richard’s back to the door, and the feeling of their bodies against each other makes richard shudder.

yeah, he thinks, when they finally break apart and richard catches sight of jared with his impeccably neat hair tousled – i did that – and his pupils huge, a massive grin on his face, this was a great idea.