#it was the most fun ive ever had online

[slymanner]

Can we give a round of applause to sonic team for making literally the BEST 2D boost stages in the franchise with sonic x shadow generations they feel so underappreciated.

[kimmkitsuragi]

shout out to club penguin journey for making this stuck in my head

[prophecyofgray]

okay so like. ignore the Everything about All Of This. it was 2019, i was a different person, simpler times etc etc etc. anyway. u guys dont even KNOW u dont even know....

[youreaclownnow]

Seeing CCA in theaters was simply magical 💖

[dexaroth]

also ive been thinking. i always saw 'dex' as like a standalone nome and it only ocurred to me like recently-ish that it was the short version of dexter and idk its sort of growing on me. i kind of feel like a dexter. i think ppl irl would be like 'of course they have a weird name' whenever they saw me clumsily walking to my appointment n stuff. its also distinct enough to be easily recognized when im unfocused but has the drawback of being way further up alphabetically and such would force me to present those dumb college group projects earlier -_- ive had classes with a whopping 3 G names and even 2 ppl with the same name as me, sometimes that lead to there being so many ppl in front of me and the project needing at least 5 minutes to present that i got to do it on the next week just bcuz of name alone. im gonna miss that lol

also i have this fateful feeling that there will be a big potential of like. consequences to the name. i can imagine some ppl comparing me to the guy from dexter's laboratory but theres gotta be some more opportunities like that that i just cant conceive. ofc ive always had a name that has a big humiliating joke potential along the lines of having Dick as your first name but somehow i guess the school i was raised at or the ppl there just didnt do it to me or did it behind my back, i dunno. ive heard it from my mom but no one ever used it directly i was just constantly ridiculed by my weight instead by random 7yos which like yeah thats miles easier but itneresting i guess

[myoddessy]

out with the old, in with the new | w2s/harry lewis

summary —new accounts, new lifestyle, new clubs every night. an insight into just what—and who—youtube's non-youtuber it girl got up to during her split from harry

*once again following the lead of @whoetoshaw and her bog universe's iconic breakup era ALSO, one of the twitter threads is rlly grainy and I'm sorry abt that, i couldn't properly fix it so you have to just zoom in on it 😭

2023, January

2018, July.

liked by zoeleonards, taliamar, masonmount, and 11, 824 others

yourusername lay all your love on me 🌻🍹☀️

tagged: zoeleonards, chloemitchells

zoeleonards london reality, greece fantasy 💔😞

yourusername ibiza couldn't come sooner!

wroetominter OMGOMG IVE DREAMED ABOUT YOU RETURNING TO SOCIAL MEDIA

ynfan omg shes glowing 🤩🤩

chloemitchells mykonos has never looked better 🤤😍😘

yourusername love u, lover girl 😘😘 ❤️❤️

2018, August.

liked by chloemitchells, tobjizzle, leahwilliamson, and 20,349 others

yourusername snuck behind a dj booth and had a blast, had a few more shots than I should've, fell more in love with my girls. ibiza, you will forever be famous 🍾✨️

zoeleonards it was nice having the hotel room to just myself and Chloe for a bit x 🤣🤭

ynfangirl DOES THIS MEAN THE MASON MOUNT RUMOURS ARE TRUE??

chloemitchells @ynfangirl who's that? never heard of him 🤷‍♀️

ynloverrrr it HAS to be true

freyanightingale beautiful girl ❤️

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

sidemenfav the way that her, freya, and talia still like each others posts and support each other 💔

liked by yourusername, taliamar, and freyanightingale

ynandharry tobi likes every one of her posts, too. they really are family no matter what 😭

2019, January

liked by pierregasly, zerkaa, mabel, and 30,568 others

yourusername we're able to have semi-classy girls trips, who knew?

tagged: zoeleonards

chloemitchells gutted I couldn't make it, I miss u two beautiful girls 😭❤️

yourusername CHLO!!! it wasn't the same without you, babe xx

zoeleonards I missed placing bets on who y/n was gonna make a move on 💔

yourusername IM NOT THAT BAD ZOË JESUS

chloemitchells yeah, give her some slack... it's usually placing bets on who's gonna make a move on her 😉

ynfanpage queen we need tips on how to live our best lives because you are teaching us all rn

yourusername 1) the only long term relationship you need to focus on is the one with yourself. 2) surround yourself with people you love and support & who will love and support you. 3) learn to not give a fuck what anyone else things because everyone's too busy in their own heads to care ❤️❤️

taliaminterr how is your life so aesthetic?? irl gossip girl vibes!!

yourusername babe trust my life doesn't look like this day to day, I only show the fun bits. rn it's 4am and I've got four day old greasy hair, dried mascara under my eyes (I watched UP without taking off my makeup first), and I'm eating cereal and drinking flat coke zero. I am not the standard you should aim for 😭😭

ynslover I love how open and honest she is about her content. she's actually such a good role model

liked by taliamar, freyanightingale, chloemitchells, and 19,519 others

yourusername apparently people think the party life in my photo dumps is my day-to-day? babes, if I can teach any of you one thing in life, it's that half the shit you see online is fake. half the 'candid' moments are staged, same goes for almost every picture you see. so here's a little dump of my actual reality

zoeleonards yeah guys she's actually so messy it's insane. it makes me want to move out

yourusername SHUT IT. zoë has about three different vases of dead flowers in her room because she forgets to take them out.

zoeleonards that's nothing on the old cups in your room

yourusername BLOCKING U

ynslover how does it feel to be the most relatable influencer ever even though you're not an influencer?

taliamar omg you've still got the vinyls!!

yourusername ofc, babe! I needed something to remember our days of charity shop hopping

2023, January

[the-depths-of-the-coral-sea]

Super Spectacular 250 Follower Event!

Welcome to the garden⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ Unlike the previous one, however, this one is filled with everything but flowers★*⁠.⁠✧!!

Musical Mushrooms 🍄

“If you call out to them, they'll call out right back!” Q&A★ Ask me quite literally anything about my interests, my faves, you can even give me a topic or character to analyse, as long as I'm already familiar with them! But nothing too personal(age, height, etc)!! Though if a certain question makes me uncomfortable, I won't answer it.

Limit: none, can send multiple questions per ask✮ 𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

The Frog Pond 🐸

“The frogs love to hop around on the lily pads. They make the cutest sights ever!” A moodboard★ Send in a character of your choice from a fandom in the intro post, and I'll make a moodboard for them!!

Limit: one moodboard per person⭒⋆☾⋆✧

Fairy's Cottage 🧚‍♀️

“The fairies are always whizzing around and spicing appearances up with outfits they seem to pull from thin air!” Custom outfits★ Request any fictional character of your choice(doesn't have to be from a fandom of mine) and some accessories or clothing pieces(e.g. santa hat, short-sleeved purple shirt, etc.) or let me edit some probably strange outfit onto them!! You can also provide a theme(e.g. witch, wizard, hatsune miku, etc.)!!

Limit: multiple characters in separate asks after i've finished the first one⋆｡‧˚ʚɞ˚‧｡⋆

The Magic Mirror 🪞

“It's said that at the very bottom of the pond is a magic mirror that reflects the true nature of your soul...” What reminds me of you★ Drop an ask and I'll include something that makes me think of you!!

Limit: one per person ࣪˖ ⊹₊ ⋆

portal to the intro post+speech utc★!!

WOW. 250... this feels so unreal honestly😭😭 the story of how i joined tumblr is kinda mediocre lmao. basically, it was the only social media website that was accessible on my school computer, so i set an account up with my school email(for confidential reasons). why? because i had, and still have, a lot of thoughts. especially interest related!! but most of my irls dont listen and i have lots of limitations for posting on whatsapp. so i decided to put my thoughts, fandom and non-fandom, onto here!! a blog for anyone that wants to hear me out★ then i got into rp and started making online friends, finding people i admired(cough @/artist-kreating-stuff and @/catihere cough), and soon, tumblr wasnt just a place for me to put my thoughts. it was like a second home. somewhere i really connected with. since then, ive made more friends and found more people that i look up to and am too scared to approach off anon, and it's been fun!!! ive been here for... eight months? seven to eight months. ive made memes, theories, etc. and i have no regrets :) love you guys so so much, hope youre all doing fine, and remember, im always right beside you in spirit, offering you hugs and love<3

thank you so much for 250🫶🫶

[jennilah]

2024 roundup!

Honestly, I don't know how to start this one. Before looking into my diary for specifics, I know this year was one of the most emotionally difficult years for me in recent memory. And yet, I still just want to take this moment to look back and reflect

cw depression symptoms, eating issues, medical talk, death talk

I started off this year getting more tattoos, and that was fun. I still love them, just taking a small break until I get my next one

I also got to check out Igloofest, which was so enjoyable that I plan on going at least one or two days again this year. A few years ago I started going to these music festivals, and something about them just really hits me. Something about being able to wander around and hang out somewhere quieter or less crowded or grab some food at any point makes it a very "relaxing" party atmosphere.

Then my first temporary layoff occurred pretty early in the year, because the industry still, to this day, is still being affected by the hollywood strikes last year. People are still struggling to find stable jobs because of it, on top of things like AI starting to replace artists in front of my very eyes. it was pretty difficult for me, as everyone else, as you could imagine.

Also at around the same time, my parents lost a good friend of theirs suddenly from undiagnosed cancer. While I didn't know him very well personally, that was immediately also just... awful. Just tragic. And in the background, a few other people I care about were also struggling with cancer themselves.

I spent a lot of my "break" in the worst depressive period I think Ive ever gone through in my life. Not diagnosed, just when thinking about how hard it was to do anything other than sleep all day. I lost so much weight from being unable to eat without getting sick, if I had any appetite. things were very bad.

The fandom and all of my other friends also helped a lot. I had a massive output of fanart this year, with most of it being drawn during the first layoff. People being so kind and supportive and joining in the Coffinshipping fun with me helped keep me sane, and gave me something to look forward to every day.

Once the weather finally started getting warmer up here, around March, I also started taking myself out on little daily walks around my neighborhood, and checked out local museums. That also helped stave away the extreme depressive thoughts.

I did manage to do something I've always wanted to do, and that was fly to Manitoba to hang out with my online friend of 10 years, Jen of riseofthefallenone fame. Finally getting to hug her irl and watch movies and go to museums for about a week was definitely one of the highlights of this year. And while it didn't cure my slump, she can attest that I was still struggling heavily with food and stuff, it really helped a lot.

Late spring, my mental health started stabilizing enough that I was able to start doing things I really love again, like go to the movies and draw even more and write fics, and most importantly- eat like normal.

I was able to see the total Solar Eclipse with friends. Anyone else who was able to witness it probably understands when I say that was another highlight of my year. It was just breathtaking, and a little bucketlist win that I really needed while I was still unsure if I was going to have a job to return to at all.

By June, I was still just being wracked with stress waiting for my job to call me back as I watched my emergency rent funds fizzle away. I spent a lot of quiet time outside enjoying the nice weather, just trying to keep my mind off of things.

I drew more. Wrote more fics. Got more tattoos.

Then, my job DID call me back. and I was so happy!

kind of!

because the MOMENT my job called me back, I had to take a sick day to get an abscess removed from my leg. yeah, I know. gross. but holy fuck, that shit hurt like a motherfucker. I felt like everything was finally turning around, and then I was in immense physical pain every day before and after recovery.

also, the medication was killing me.

the 10 days I was on antibiotics was torture. after spending most of the year so far struggling to eat, the side effect of my medication was really bad nausea, so that set me back again

and changing the bandage alone every day hurt so fucking much until that shit finally healed up after a month

Then the political debates started. and that started affecting me subtly in the background.

Also every global thing, pretty much.

Then my grandfather's cancer was starting to get worse.

Meanwhile, finally back at work, I was working on something that was so stressful that the extent of how stressed out I was is only really hitting me now in hindsight

One fun thing: I was able to make that Strahm cosplay that I really wanted to, and I had a lot of fun at Montreal comic con! I am going to describe that as a brief reprieve from everything else that was going on.

Shortly after, with a fuck ton of surrounding dramas that I don't care to describe in detail because it's too personal, my grandfather passed away.

He's the first person I've lost in my family that really affected me like this. It's been difficult.

I continued working. Summer came and went. I attended Piknic Electronik and Ilesoniq, which were fun. Everything else from that time just feels like a weird blur. I was really feeling so overwhelmed by everything by that point, a lot of days were just spent crying and trying to feel normal. like someone else was living this year, not me.

I leaned on my friends a lot this year. They really helped me feel sane, kept my mind off of everything terrible, and generally just made me feel happy when I wasn't.

I'm reading through my diary to recall events this year, and nearly every entry by this point had a breakdown. I wasn't doing well. Work was stressing me out, the world was stressing me out, the internet was stressing me out, loneliness was stressing me out, it was overwhelming.

I finally managed to find a therapist. Even just knowing therapy was on the horizon and I was finally going to get some help was tremendous for me finding some optimism again

Therapy also came at the perfect time, because I was at the "crying every day" point of depressive/anxiety symptoms again and my second temp layoff of the year was approaching on the horizon, and I really didn't want it to be as bad as last time.

Also come Fall, I discovered hockey. I finally went to my first game after living in Canada for 7 years, and as you may have noticed, I got hooked. I've been going to games and watching them on tv/online and I've been having a genuinely great time with it!

Things still felt tense though. The election was coming up. We were all feeling it.

Therapy was needed.

The election. You know what happened. I was called back into work the next day after the results came in. Same day, I was told I'd have to learn french in order to continue living in quebec soon. I have a learning disorder, language was always difficult for me, and this was suddenly dropped onto my lap with no warning. I had to be a functioning worker after that.

Then, my parents' neighborhood lit on fire.

Yes I'm serious. Not even a full week after all that, a record breaking forest fire raged for 2 weeks in my home town and my parents had to evacuate. There was a fear for a while that they were going to lose everything. Their brand new house that they only just moved into last year.

Between all of those things all at once, you could kiss my appetite and ability to keep food down goodbye again.

But thanks to the help of what might have been hundreds of firefighters from both in and outside of town and state, every single home was saved.

Ever since, things have smoothed out a bit. Work stabilized. I have been given news that our studio should have enough work to keep everyone employed well into next year. Finally, there's a light at the end of the Hollywood strike tunnel. We're not completely free of industry stress... there's still AI and quebec tax credit drama thats threatening to ruin my life and everything I've worked for... but I'm TRYING to not catastrophize things before they happen. (And I'm begging people... please be more forgiving to sequels and remakes that make you seeth and froth with rage. They're giving human artists much needed jobs. Please.. stand behind us right now.)

A lovely string of movies came out that I was able to enjoy!

Red One, Sonic 3, and Long Distance (well, not available in the US yet) all came out in quick succession, and I was able to see those with loved ones!

When movies I work on come out, it feels like my gallery exhibit opening after months or even years of anticipation. Finally! I get to show everyone my art! Sonic 3 especially was super special. I got to see that not only with excited, cheering adult fans, but I also got to see it with my parents and happy, giggling children. Both experiences were special for different reasons.

This was probably one of the hardest christmases I've ever spent home. With Grandpa gone, it was the first christmas where it felt like something crucial was missing.

With cancer increasingly present in even more elderly family members, I'm anticipating another extremely difficult year ahead of me. Knowing christmas is only going to get more emotional and unrecognizable for the rest of my life has been very, very hard for me to compartmentalize

I'm going to continue leaning on my friends and family. I'm definitely going to be leaning on my therapist more.

I don't really have much in terms of a resolution this year. I just want to feel like myself and not someone desperately trying to feel like myself

[atlabeth]

now that the dust has cleared from the chaos for me irl, i want to officially thank you all for 3000 followers!! because wow. where do i even start?

this isn't a milestone i thought i would ever reach. i made this blog during my junior year of high school when i was bored as hell in online school, not knowing what would come of it, and honestly not expecting anyone to read anything i’ve written. i exclusively wrote avatar fics (kind of embarrassing that a series i started at the beginning of my blog still isnt finished huh?) because it was what i had been watching most recently. i started to gain some recognition, made some friends, and slowly but surely i carved out my little corner of the internet. and now, 3 years, 3000 followers, and almost 500,000 words later, i’m going into my junior year of college with some of the best online friends a girl could ask for (shoutout to my day 1 @simplysolo for still being around and still being the best ever, and shoutout to all my other tumblr friends that have deactivated over the years</3 i miss you guys) a whole array of fandoms that i’ve dabbled in, and a newly discovered thing for middle aged men. cool 

i truly cannot thank you all enough. i’ve always been a writer, but this blog has given me a sorely needed creative outlet and made me more confident in my writing skills than ever. at the end of the day i’m just writing silly little x reader fics, but i’ve truly had so much fun doing it! every single fictional man im in love with is also in love with me isn’t that crazy!!!

a special, extended shoutout to the loveliest mutuals i’ve picked up over the years. i wouldn’t be half the writer i am and i wouldn’t have half as much fun on here without you all. @simplysolo for being around since the beginning and truly being the greatest person on this app, i love you intensely, @sokkadora for being another one of my ogs (we dont talk anymore but i see you every so often on my dash and you’re doing great!!) @mcallmestiles for being one of the first avatar fics i ever read, traitor encouraged me to be a better writer and i hope you’re doing well with your medical career!! @tangledinlove for being my most famous mutual, the kindest person in the world, and being brought together through the power of lockwood, @giyuji and @milkiane who are both inactive but who i have to tag because i love them and i hope they’re doing well; naomi you got me into the grishaverse and liane we were in the trenches of the stranger things revival together, @boneblushed for dealing with so much but still being phenomenal and lovely in every way, @tommymcartney for being so sweet all the time, my biggest cheerleader and encouraging my insanity in every fandom ive been a part of, @nghtwngs for being the only person who loses it over nikolai lantsov as much as i do, to all my new/more recent mutuals @hotchfiles @ma1dita @moowithmidnight @emiliehornby @supercutszns i can't wait to get to know or keep getting to know you!!! you're all so lovely!!! and all the mutuals i don’t talk to as much as i should, i love you all and cherish you in my heart regardless of if we talk every day or have never said a single word to each other!! i don’t want to tag you all because i don’t want to bother you, but if you’re looking at this and thinking am i talking about you, i am. i love you. it takes a village and im so lucky to have you all as mine 

i can’t believe it’s been 3 years, i can’t believe i’m halfway done with college, and i can’t believe we hit 3,000. truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for reading my fics and letting me be some small part of your lives. i can’t wait to write more for you all. keep a lookout for my 3k celebration post! 

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

immediately after posting this i got hit with a new wave of depression so im back watching owl2018. oopsies

losing interest in owl2018 now lol its boooooring and i have already decided that i dont wanna watch any more owl past 2019. maybe overwatch and associated content is just boring now and also kinda cringe. imagine liking overwatch in 2023

[starsandmarsbars]

i n t r o d u c t i o n p o s t

hello to all my girls, gays and theys, (and of course everyone in between) i have finally made an intro post!

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

you can call me eden, or any nicknames :)

my pronouns are they/them :DDD

july cancer <333

im a minor so no weird stuff please

complete 100% aussie

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

my amazing, beautiful mutuals <333

@discoveredreality AWESOME BEAUTIFUL AMAZING SO NICE!!! i love her so so much, she is so kind and amazing <3

@regulus-cannot-swim THE MOST AMAZING PERSON ON PLANET EARTH I LOVE HIM!!!!! he was my first ever online friend, he is just so, so, SO amazing!!!!

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

my absolutely crazy music taste :)

the king of music, Conan Gray!!! i have loved him forever, and will love him forever (you should too)

Olivia Rodrigo, conitas bestie and an awesome singer

Chappell Roan, the amazing lesbian queen

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

and a few others i love…

masie peters, sabrina carpenter, troye sivan, girl in red, reneé rapp, måneskin, the crane wives, florence + the machine, billie eilish, lana del rey, david bowie, queen, lorde, hozier, mariana, kate bush, phoebe bridgers, boygenius

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

fun facts :)

im in a circus school

ive had three seperate teachers with the same birthday as me

im gayer than a pride flag

ive seen conan gray live!!!

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

some of my interests include;

the marauders era, drarry, music, circus, writing, reading, studio ghibli movies, pottery, drawing, maximalist bedrooms, tapestries, plants, concerts

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧.*･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆

[ultimateloserboy]

ok you know what im gonna say it with my full chest. literally nobody talks about bendy (the character) like who he actually is and ive been tired of it since the old game ended. i think hes genuinely one of the most incorrectly fanonized characters like ever at this point. and i genuinely believe it changed the actual canon and it bothers me a lot.

as for the physical version of him/ the ink demon— in the original batim game there was literally a whole plot point about bendy being non-human and how he came out of the machine physically and mentally sloppy compared to the other creations. hes not a fully fledged-out person and that’s LITERALLY an entire section of the original game. he has no human soul or mind, hes sentient but about as much as a gorilla. he attacks like a zombie or an animal with instinct and not like an angry human being. he cant speak because his mouth is fake and he cant walk properly because his limbs are liquid sludge— hes literally an abomination— a mockery of actual human life. its crazy to even call him the “villain” of the story because he doesnt have the thinking ability to genuinely be malicious. its like calling zombies the villains of zombie movies, they cant be because they dont have the brain function to be.

a lot of people ignored the obvious fact that he isnt human-like so they could sexualize him, which isnt as bad as sexualizing an actual animal— im not claiming that— but what bothers me is how the creators made him MORE HUMAN to lean towards these people and ill never think otherwise. yall can argue with me or call me chronically online, but bendy WASNT able to speak or was human-like at all until the dark revival, which was so obviously fan service its not even funny.

im not claiming that people who sexualize bendy are zoos or something— thats too far. what im claiming tho is that this genuinely interesting character was given consciousness and the ability to speak after previously not ever having those things JUST so booktok ass teenagers could swoon over him like they do venom, taking away the interest of his original character. he wasnt fully sentient until it made money for the creators and then suddenly hes speaking poetry in a deep sexy man voice with a fucking 8 pack. how does that not bother anyone? im not even trying to say its morally weird— im just saying its bad writing in general!!! like why do yall let these games ruin characters for fan service and not even give a fuck, and then have the balls to ask why newer ones are so poorly written?? no fucking shot EVERY one of yall was ok with them retconning his entire existence like HES THE MAIN CHARACTER???? DO YALL REALLY WANNA SEXUALIZE EVERYTHING //THAT// BAD TO THE POINT ITS OK TO REWRITE THE ENTIRE MAIN CHARACTER AS LONG AS IT MEANS YOU CAN FINALLY SEXUALIZE HIM CANONICALLY??????

and before people say anything— no i dont think its wrong for bendy to develop a voice or to become more human over time— BUT COME ON DUDE ARE YALL DENSE?? IVE SEEN LESS FAN-SERVICE STARING AT MY GOD DAMN AIR CONDITIONER!!!! they didnt “develop” bendy more— they retconned him to please freaks online!!! surely ONE of yall had to have noticed like… when tdr dropped the sexualization was so bad i genuinely didnt have fun with the series anymore. and I CANT because its justified now! the creators retconned him to be more sexyman so now you cant even argue against it!! literally why cant we have ONE thing online without people wanting to pound every single fucking character??

im sorry if this sounds mean but ive been upset about this for YEARS!! bendy was my favorite character as a kid and NOBODY gives him justice NOT EVEN HIS OWN CREATORS. it would be one thing if there was just a small portion that treated him like this but now its literally everyone and the games lean into it and i just want to explode and die at this point fr.

it genuinely makes me a little ill knowing he was once just a confused, soulless being fighting and killing out of the confusion, rage and fear that his cruel existence caused him to feel, but now hes just a deep voiced venom-ripoff villain whose just a big meanie and hunts you for sport or some stupid shit.

[annafall]

now that its been 2 years, i think i have enough distance to that asshole from back then who fucked me up so much that i can talk about it properly

putting it under a read more, dont expect anyone to actually read it, just need to get it out

cw abusive relationships, fictional sa, fictional torture, grooming, self-harm mentions, suicidality mentions, hospital mentions

so back in 2022 i met someone online, a dutch girl on a rwby rp discord. she was 28 and i was 27 and we hit it off insanely well

too well, in fact

right from the get go she was absurdly flirty and of course, as a trans girl who just started hrt and had absolutely no self esteem, that worked well

we talked a lot and 99% of the time it was some sort of sex topic, turned into sexting really quick. if we talked about the things she wanted to talk about, it got instant feedback . i think the first i love you came 3 weeks in and it became a flood of compliments and professions of love and the like. talking about other things got little to no response and if i said something she didnt like, she straight up ignored me for the rest of the day, went offline and didnt answer anymore

eventually we talked about an rp scenario, this was still sfw, but already pretty messed up. she wanted to rp a torture thing. not the actual torture itself, just my character being out of it the next day and realizing slowly what had happened. like, how her vision was gone on one eye, or how she couldnt stand up anymore because "there was nothing go stand on". how weird the meat tasted that she got fed

this was between cinder and penny from rwby, but inversions of the two. my character was a version of cinder who got adopted by hazel before the madam showed up, who always meant so much to me because of how much i relate to her. she was wishful thinking, a what if for an abused girl who finally got help

penny was laughably evil, she was salems newest maiden, sadistic as fuck, had all sorts of implements installed into her, like syringes and needles built into her fingers to do whatever the fuck those would do, grimm parts that replaces mechanical ones, like a grimm part for a reactor

and at first, it was kinda fun honestly, fucked up but in a twisted self-harm-y way.

then she talked me into roleplaying a full on torture scene and i was reluctant, but eventually relented because getting silent treatment again was worse at the time. so we just ... roleplayed a torture scene. something about forceful cannibalism, i dont remember the details

at that point i had abandoned all my boundaries in favor of not being ignored again, because then i would be treated nicely, being told i matter, that she wants me, loves me.

and then it was a full on torture SA scene

it was probably the most extreme thing ive ever experienced in this sense, as a fictional thing, and i have seen some shit

like, full on destruction of the body type shit, vile and sadistic

it took me roughly a year, i think, until i could just see regular images of penny without panicking

penny with grimm-parts is to this day a massive trigger, as are depictions of absurdly long tongues because that somehow featured into this torture scene

i was in a bad way then, because the character i had player was someone i projected onto, identified with, and she had been abused to a degree that a normal human in the real world could never survive

i had let her assault my reader-insert, if you will

i was starting to crack, full on suicidal at times from everything, unable to keep it going any more, and then, because i couldn't "perform" like that anymore, it seemed over

a friend irl noticed and we talked about stuff, and eventually she suggested, i should look further into the info i had of her

the image? straight off of instagram (but believable, she said she was a teacher and the girl she sent me looked the type)

her being a dutch teacher at a dutch middle school? pulled into question when she couldnt explain extremely simple stuff about the language

so many things that just turned out to be extremely flaky or no longer trustworthy

when i confronted "her" about it, she dumped me, tried to guilt trip me about the catfishing

i was gonna let it go, until a mutual friend messaged me, flora, and through pure coincidence, it turned out that flora had received explicit images from that asshole too

flora was, like me, dealing with aith mental health problems

flora was 17 at the time

and when another kid like that stepped forward, i knew what this person was

i had fallen into the hands

a full on predator, looking for mentally ill people online to fuck them over

we ended up reporting her to discord for solicitation of minors and she got banned from a dozen rp discords after, but i dont know if she ever got banned

and to this day, everytime someone joins the simps server, i still check to see if its her, because the owner assured me he would ban her instantly the moment she stepped foot into the server

she was my first "relationship" (im putting it in air quotes, because really the first real relationship I've had that was built on mutual adoration, respect and love was with Robyn), and it ruined me

we briefly considered putting me in a hospital just in case, because my mental health had deteriorated so much

i know, rationally, that shes never going to come back, but im still terrified of her

[girlashfur]

half the time callout docs fucking suck idk. i understand wanting to warn people about a dangerous person in your community and ive seen some in genuine good faith, but some of them are just stupid fucking miniscule shit nobody cares about. when i was 14 (14!!!!) i had my life ruined by a callout made against me by my groomer and some ex friends that caused so much harassment and online stalking towards me that it was genuinely traumatic. people were deadnaming and misgendering me left and right, sending me anonymous threats, accusing me of faking my race, gender identity, trauma history, disabilities and disorders, etcetera. some of these grown ass adults had a group chat where they would save pictures of my face to pick apart my features and discuss how i "looked white". after a point, most of the people spreading the document were adults that i had never even spoken to; complete strangers. i had people who would make alternative accounts with the sole purpose of trying to befriend me so they could get info out of me. things like my sexual interests, vents and insecurities were spread around just so i could be made fun of.

the doc is still up to this day, and none of the people behind it have ever apologized. it sucks, you know? like i said it's okay to make people aware of harmful behavior others have committed, especially influencers, but sometimes you have to stop and think : is this a serious issue or do i just have a grudge against this person?

[gctchell]

#red is the og. the VIP#one of the safest people I've ever met#spectacular writing and I've the privilege of being able to see the incredible progression#from the day we met to present day.#it's a while! and writing like hers is unforgettable. her Lilith and Niffty are delights#and she's taken what I liked about those two and intensified my love for them#only red can pile on reasons for me to love characters especially ones she takes on#an excitable writer and one of the best people u can meet. even if we're in hell.#and her improv???? I know I can count on her to roll with the punches. -- @jizzlords

#ive known red for some time even WAAAY before HH and they’re a wonderful person#great to communicate with and very loving and kind and open minded#wonderful writer to boot on top of all of that -- @therealricksanchezpleasestandup

i just signed on to the sweetest tags from some of the oldest mutuals i've had across my accounts. what the hell, yall. my darlings..

@jizzlords is wearing ozzie's skin. I mean that in the most complimentary way ever, because hel just pulls that man off with such ease it's like they're sharing the same body and he's just conducting the keyboard, taking down his autobiography online. the voice is crystal clear, you can hear iglehart in everything hel writes - down to the laughter.

hel loves this man and it is clear to see. the love for that muse is in there and the justice is being delivered right to the key. absolutely astounding portrayal, and hel even dives into ozzie being a fallen angel, and still having trauma from all that mess. hel gives him flaws, gives him green flags, brings him to life and makes him the icon of desire that he needs to be. I'm not surprised, though - hel's always knocked it clean out of the park when it comes to glamorous and iconic characters, bc hel is iconic. and just all-together so much fun to hang out with.

also, pssst: hel's writing is absolutely flipping beautiful. I've been lucky to be traveling alongside him for a long time now and watch it bounce from the characters he loves so dearly to the next. he's just gotten better, and he was already great.

@therealricksanchezpleasestandup is rick sanchez. I am not kidding lmao. you go onto that blog and it reads like rick. I've been a mutual of steffu's for.. god, a good few years, now? not even including the time on this account? and I have just watched her kick absolute ASS with this man. it's just like asmodeus and hel, it's another case of 'I think that man just lives in your skin and you're writing everything he tells you to', because damn. excellent portrayal, excellent handling, excellent managing of this man and his emotions, and just how messed up he is.

yeah, rick is a mess and steffu knows exactly how to write that while also making it so abundantly clear why and how it is that he has so many amicable relationships all over the multiverse. man knows how to juggle his personality traits and get those connections, find companionship in others that his family doesn't quite get to see that often - outside of morty. I always thought that was a pretty damn cool thing for her to cover.

because he's a universe jumper, it makes all the sense in the world that he has connects to others down here in hell. easy character to plug in with if you like rick and morty and want a rick to interact with. steffu has the man on lock, I am telling you.

[loudstan]

helloooo loudieeee idk if this is even remotely related to your thesis, but when i was doing your survey, it really got me thinking: "wow. i think im not really a 'fan' anymore..." although i haven't like openly "unstan" and my friends and family still regard me as an nct fan, but each time i hear that, the less i resonate with that title...

i guess it started last year, after i went to their concert, i was like "this is my last hurrah" 🤣🤣🤣😅😅😅 not bc of the idols themselves, but i felt more and more disconnected from the fandom (majority of whom were surprisingly younger - something i realised after seeing them irl) and i was like ahh...now i know why i gradually don't vibe with most of the fandom online [which was something that i enjoyed a lot, ie it had always been more fun for me to stan (interact) with other fans, as opposed to stanning idols "on my own"]. things that they find important to complain about, i don't care as much. things that they're upset about, i find myself no longer resonating the same sentiment, and next thing i know i was gradually unfollowing the fan accounts, update accounts, official accounts, personal accounts bc i no longer have a keen interest in those anymore...i think im a bit like your readers who never knew nct but stayed bc the stories are too good? 😆😆 except i know what they look like and have knowledge about their personality 😅 the really really good fanfics and the important friendships ive stumbled across throughout the journey are the reasons im still here, really 🥹 sometimes idk if i should still/deserve to appear on their feed bc my posts have nothing to do with what bonded us in the first place anymore...

wow, this has gotten so long 😭😭...but ya, your survey helped me organise some of my thoughts...🥹

I relate to many of the things you said! And I wasn´t sure how to word it, but I think you did better than I ever could. As time passed I noticed that I didn´t see myself in the community anymore. Not because there's anything wrong with it, but because the way I feel and express my interest in the groups I 'stan' has changed. I still like so many groups and all but like you said, things that bother many fans don't bother me that much and I think that's part of accepting K-pop as parasocial and not social.

Do I think everyone should see it that way? No. But do I think that makes you less of a fan? No. We all have a life outside of K-pop: our irl friends, jobs, school... That's normal.

I've received good feedback from the people who took my survey so I'm happy about it! Glad it helped you organize your thoughts!

PS: I need around 40 more people do do the survey ASAP please!