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ifitistobeitisuptous · 1 year ago

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I blew up a close relationship this week.

I need to talk about it. I need to grieve it, especially since I killed it. I know you don't need to listen, so I'm putting it all under the cut.

be warned. It's long. Very fucking long.

OK. I'm chatting with a beloved friend a week ago. I'm sleep deprived and behind on my meds. This is very relevant as you shall see.

We have a confusing interaction where I accidentally hurt their feelings. They say we should end the conversation there because things are too weird. I think they have left the conversation entirely, but I find out today they were showing the interaction to a 3rd party to get their opinion on what happened.

Meanwhile I'm panicking because I'd accidentally hurt someone who I love. So I delete any messages that might have been "the cause of the hurt" like an idiot cause a) they are still in the chat and call me on my destroying evidence and 2) I'll never able to point to the exact words I said and carefully explain what I meant.

My panic intensifies and I leave the chat and come back to tumblr where I send them a long message apologising and explaining, while still spiralling into a worse headspace. They tell me to get some sleep.

But I don't.

I'm getting suicidal. Yes I know that is not a rational response to the circumstances. Sleep dep is NOT good for my mental health. And hurting the feelings of someone I care about is a huge suicidal trigger for me.

So I write what is clearly a suicide note. And post it here on this blog. I address it to no one, a generalpost about how shity I feel. I don't even realise it's a suicide note to halfway through it. I don't mention the triggering events, and I say in the tags that it's no ones fault.

I go off and take a (safe) amount of sleeping pills with a (safe) amount of rum. Because even though I'm in distress I know that it's 80% sleep dep, and I can fix that if I self-medicate hard enough.

I come back about 5-10 mins later and delete the suicide note. It had no notes so I hopeful noone saw it.

I put up an apology letter to anyone who did see it, because I don't want to traumatise my followers. And after about 30 mins I take that down, because it too has no notes and I don't want to worry anyone.

I'm starting to calm down and level out, and about 2 hours after I last talked to my friend I go back to send them another apology with the promise that I really was going to sleep now.

Message can't be sent. Blog doesn't exist.

They'd blocked me without a word. I don't know when except sometime in the last 2 hours.

I don't know their mental state. Can't know. I'm worried. I know they also have suicidal issues, so I'm hoping they just blocked me to protect themselves.

I pop back over to discord to let them know I'm OK now. But they'd stopped me messaging them on there also.

Fuck. I had no other contact for them, so I had no way of checking on them to see if they are OK.

Days pass. My worry over them doesn't.

It builds.

5 days I wait. No word.

I'm hurt, but understanding. Their mental health is more important than our friendship. But I can't know the state of their mental health. I was hopeful every time I saw that I had notifications, that maybe they'd re-followed me.

I'd previously reblogged something from one of their mutuals, one I knew they were close to. So I dug through my old posts till I found it, and thus their blog name.

And so I searched their blog for any signs of my beloved friend. And saw they'd interacted 3 days earlier and my friend seemed fine. That should have been enough. If I'd found no evidence of interaction that MIGHT justify some of my following actions. But as it was I... well.

It wasn't enough for me. I made a fake account. A pretty obvious one. Shit, the bio was "stalker". I thought that was a lot less weird then spending the time and emotional energy to craft a believable account. No, none of this is healthy.

I used the sockpuppet to look over my friend's blog. They were posting normally as if their life hadn't had a hole ripped in it. So I followed them with the obvious fake blog. I wanted to get caught I guess. Provoke a reaction. Have them acknowledge I still existed.

They blocked the fake blog without a word.

At this point I'll remind you, gentle reader, that I'm here to explain and mourn, not to try to justify any of my actions.

So yesterday (when sleep deprived again due to a dieing pet) i followed their mutual's blog. With my fake account. I don't even consider following with my actual account, which perhaps might have made sense. Perhaps not. Still pretty stalkery to follow a blog for the sole purpose of seeing when they publicly interact with someone who obviously doesn't want to talk to me.

I still believed if we could just talk I could clear everything up and we could be friends again. Maybe never as close friends again, but they were such a ray of light in my life, I'd hoped to see some of that light again.

But I got their attention. They was angry.

They were angry that I'd deliberately insulted them a week ago, then threatened to kill myself because they'd stopped talking to me. Now as you had read above, that's not how it went down on my end, but now I understood why they had blocked me without comment. If I was who they thought I was being, then yes, block me into the sun. I'd deserve it.

So i felt hope. If I could get them to understand the insult was accidental, that the suicidal thinking wasn't about their actions but mine, that I wasn't trying to manipulate some response from them, then maybe we could fix this.

But of course that wasn't all.

They were also enraged that I'd stalked them and their friend... which yeah, I really had no excuse for. But I still thought that if they could see the first part was a misunderstanding, then a little light stalking is forgivable.

But they couldn't believe that I was innocent of the first part, since I was so clearly guilty of the second. And as they said, they were there a week ago, they knew I'd insulted them then suicide baited them to get them to keep taking to me. And they blocked me again mid my protest.

It could have ended there. It should have ended there.

But I knew. If only I could explain they'd see it was all a big misunderstanding.

So, with the fake account still (God know why?!), I compose an ask to their mutual. And again I'll stress, this is me saying what I did, not what I should have done.

Unfortunately as it was an ask, not a message, I don't have a copy. But it started along the lines of "if you think it would be ok, can you pass this on. I understand and accept that you might ignore it or, block me and that's a fair response."

And so I apologised. I accepted blame. I accepted this was probably the end of our relationship. But I also tried to explain how it was a misunderstanding. And I don't even remember if I addressed the stalking bit. I did say I was never going to log into that fake account again.

then I took a nap. I'd done all i could to mend the relationship (or at least end it with dignity), and I honestly didn't expect a response. Either because the message didn't get passed on, or because my former friend agreed it was the end and didn't contact me again. It was a message in a bottle, cast into the ocean.

I woke to 28 messages.

Threats of police re stalking. 9 messages just with the words "text me". Yelling at me, calling me a coward and immature for not responding. Calling my behaviour disgusting.

and I had been re-blocked. So I couldn't respond.

OK then. That hasn't gone as expected, because I'm an idiot for expecting unrealistic things.

So I spend about 30 mins to find their friends blog again (because I'd forgotten the name), this time with my real account, as I'd said I'd never log into the fake account again.

So to send a quick ask, for them to pass on, that I was asleep and not ignoring their mutual. And could they unblock me if they actually want a response.

Ghost blog. The friend had blocked me also. And fair enough.

But it left me with a problem.

I didn't want to find another friend of theirs and ask them to pass on the "I need to be both unblocked and awake if you want me to reply" message. Even I knew that was too creepy.

So I pinned a little message saying that to the top of my blog thinking that you can't look at blog you have blocked, so there was little chance of them ever seeing it. And thus little chance of me hearing from them again. Can you look at blogs you've got blocked? I've only blocked porn bots and never gone back to check.

Now I had thought that the next time they messaged me was because of that pinned post, but I've been reading over the messages as I'm writing this and I've come to the realisation: they sent me the 28 messages before their friend had passed on the letter to them.

So probable order of events

I sent a letter via their friend -> they message me out of the blue 28 times then reblock -> i pin a note to my blog -> they receive the letter I sent via the friend -> they message me again to yell about that letter.

OK that makes more sense based on what they said.

Anyway. They yell at me. Again. Understandable now as they just got the letter. But they say I'm suicide baiting them, Again!? Now I really wish I had the letter so I can try to see how they came to that conclusion. I mean, maybe because it's tone is of a goodbye (as I think I'll never hear from them again). I'm just confused on that one.

They demand I delete the fake blog. I try to insist I never once suicide bated them. They don't care anymore. They declare the letter via the friend was the last straw and they had now no hope the relationship could be recovered. Which was surprising as I'd thought they were long past that point by now. It was sad but I think I needed to hear them say that.

I said goodbye because I knew they were about to block me a final time. And I said I'll go delete the fake blog. After which they blocked me before I'd finished typing "I'm sorry" again.

So. I'm glad I got to talk this out. It was therapeutic and allowed me to examine myself and my bad decisions. I almost hope none of you read it. I'm going to leave it here, however, as a warning to others to not get to close to me. Or at least make sure those who do know how fucked up I am.

I do want to hear comments and criticisms, sympathies and condemnations. Of me only. No criticism of my former beloved friend.

#Tw Suicide #self destructive behavior #self analysis #tw grief #Pointless pain #Irrevocable relationship breakdown #animal death

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candiedapplez · 2 years ago

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I ask you all of the questions from that one reblog. Good luck/nf/j

Omg ok this will be a while then tehehehehehehhe im not complaining though!!!! Heres the questions so u can look at the questions and the answers!

1.this one is OBVIOUS!!! A-90 and Opheebop!!! DUUUUUUUH!

2.lighter. Ive never used a match before

3.ew no!!! I don't want buggies crawling in my room while im sleeping!!!! However i have before!

4. Aaaaaa ive never really gotten into that stuff so i cant really give an answer-

5. A really dark brown!!

6. Oops i did that again???

7. Well idk ive used both and they are both work really well! however i do think scrunchies are safer for your hair, i use normal hair ties more often because scrunchies are more bulky and yeah i dont prefer that, but both are great!

8. Six. I have six.

9.NONE! COFFE IS GROSS BLEEEEEEGH!!

10. Ofc!!

11. Does drawing count?

12. Good day!!!!! I havent cried yet so-

13. Not too long ago, like an hour ago actually. I had pizza! (Incase u were wondering)

14. HELL YEAH!!!

15. Nope and i never want to be 😗

16. NoooooOoOoO-

17. Nope i have perfect vision muah

18. I DONT WANNA SAY TEHE! (Sry)

19. Yea ofc!!! But they probably wont turn out good…

20. Soda…. Ive never seen or heard anyone say pop before….

21. Plushies!!!! I have a unicorn plush my old friend (we dont talk anymore since she moved) gave me for my 7th bday!!!! Yes i remember when, yes i still have it! And its in perferct condition!!! Also there was this one kid who ig had a crush on my and he gave me a basket full of stuff for valentines day and i still have said basket-

22. I have no clue what this means? I guess sensitive?

23. Love it!!!!!

24. Eating :] (and joking abt pushing each other off probably/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE/JOKE)

25. Aaaa i use all of them but i use lotion most so ig lotion?

26. Idk what to say for this one aaaaaagh

27. Like 5 i think? Ive been getting better with my sleep time!!!!

28. Not anymore, our school last year said we could take them off, however i was SO insecure about my face (still am, but not as much as before) so i would wear it every single day. If i showed up to school without one people got surprised. I stopped wearing them this year, however.

29. Hot????

30. THE FUCKING WATER BOTTLES!!!!

31. Theres a lot, i dont wanna get into it 😵‍💫

32…… is that a thing? People have favorite towels??

33. Hm my school took us on a field trip to a high school so we can see animals if that counts… (i have pictures btw if u wanna see them! We saw pigs, sheep, cows and bunny! I didnt take pic of bunny tho 😢)

34. LITERALLY EVERY SIX THE MUSICAL SONG HOLY SHIT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS (the only ones i might mess up on are aywd and idnyl bc aywd is long and i dont listen to idnyl often)

35. Pst!!

36. Only once! My username used to have a 0 between the words (Candied0applez) but i changed it bc it made it sound like i candied no apples… but i was originally going to be called caramelapplez but i thought candied sounded better heheh)

37. The friend i mentioned earlier i met first day of kindergarden, her name is Alana, and this other girl Maya i met before kinder! We met eachother at a park and when we walked home we found out we were neighbors so we instantly became besties! (We still are to this day but she lives 30 mins away so i dont see her often-(

38. All…?

39. Sometimes!

40. Ice cream!!!

41. Empty. Coffee is gross

42. Hahahah yt, roblox and occasionally twitter!

43. HAND IT OVER BITCH!

44. Myself/j fucking donald trump 🤮👈🖕

45. NO ☺️

46. Oh god i dont watch any 🫢

47. | v

this actually was to the other girl i mentioned earlier! Maya! I found baby pictures of us when we were in 2nd-3rd grade and i showed her today!!!

48. Never and i dont plan on ever!

49. Never tried

50. GO AHEAD I GET SO EXCITED WHEN IM TAGGED IN SOMETHING AAAAA!

omg that took forever!!! Gosh i dont mind though!!! These were fun questions! Aaaaaaaa i enjoyed that tyty!

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inconcordia · 9 months ago

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I MOVED SUNDAY BACK TO MY MULTIMUSE OVER AT @inominati !

#INCONCORDIA. Private and selective SUNDAY of Hoyo's Honkai: Star Rail. High enthusiasm, slow writing speed. Established in April 2024 and written by Min (30+). Not spoiler free. Duplicate friendly. [This blog will contain analyses and creative writing involving religious imagery for entertainment/roleplaying purposes - if this offends you due to your own religion, please refrain from engaging with my content.]

Under the light of the Harmony, all Wickedness is revealed.

GALLERY | MEMES | HEADCANONS

BLOG ROLL: vidyadawn (Dan Heng) | dianoetikon (Dr. Ratio) | delusionaid (Genshin Impact multimuse)

Click below for your guide to the Dreamscape!

I. ABOUT ME. My name is Min, I'm over 30 years of age and I've been rping in various fandoms for over 15 years. I work during the week so replies are slow, but I'm online throughout the dayand available through DMs or discord (for mutuals only). I'm currently not caught up with the new update, but I don't mind spoilers.

II. REQUIREMENTS. If you are interested in roleplaying with me, you must be at least 18 years of age, ideally over 21, even more idealier over 25. I make no exceptions for minors, regardless of thread content. I will gravitate towards H:SR canon muses, but I am open to OCs if the character appeals to me and crossovers if I can see a way to merge our worlds together.

III. WRITING.I prefer plotted threads and longer replies (on average I'll write 3-6 paragraphs), but I don't expect you to match length. What matters to me is the content of our posts and our ability to progress in the story we want to tell. I don't really do short convos anymore (unless it's dash crack) and I don't write unplotted starters because they often lead nowhere. If you have ideas for our muses, just message me and if you don't have ideas yet but would like to write, let's plot together :)

IV. MEMES. Best way to get something started with me is through memes. Any memes in my meme tag are available without time limit for all mutuals, so no need to ask first, just send in whatever tickles your fancy! Heads up: it might take me forever and three days to respond, but I will get there eventually. Feel free to reblog any meme posts directly from my blog, I don't mind that at all. Bonus: there's a high chance you'll get a meme reply from me 84 years after sending it, when you no longer remember it.

V. SHIPPING.I am very selective with shipping on this muse because I have very specific ideas of how Sunday feels about relationships between people, romantic and platonic, sex/ual desires and all things related. It's not off the table but I need and want to discuss the intricacies of this with my ship partner and make it work for both of us. That said, I don't mind ships that fall a little on the darker side - but it's not a requirement either. I don't insta-ship, especially not with Sunday, and once I do have a ship (or maybe more than one) I'll probably cap. If I write multiple ships, they are automatically in separate verses unless discussed otherwise. Don't be afraid to ask if you're interested in shipping, the worst case scenario could be that it doesn't work out.

VI. SOCIAL POLITICS.I am against callout and cancel culture and do not engage in it. Callouts will not be reblogged - I curate my dashboard my own way and I have no interest in being dragged into other people's fights. I don't respect publicly hating on fictional ships, characters or portrayals. I will never harass anyone or shame them for the fictional things they choose to write, I simply avoid, blacklist or block what I don't want to see. I believe the RPC would be a better place if people tried to be more tolerant, respectful and kind to one another.

Rules are subject to change. Thank you for reading this far! :)

#( pinned. )

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umbrellasource · 5 years ago

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Solitude can do funny things to the mind. Aidan Gallagher as Number Five | The Umbrella Academy 2019

#the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #tuaedit #uaedit #number five #grumpy old man child #*#also hi yes i know i kinda abandoned this blog #but i didnt rly have time for it #and there were sooo many posts in my tag i was overwhelmed gfdhsjk #it was taking me over 30 mins a day to reblog and tag them all #i got stressed out..... i have baby brain disease #but yah im rly excited for s2 so :))) !!!

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skykashi · 2 years ago

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I'm about 30 hours late in saying this, but I can't tell you just how perfect this was 🧡. Over the weekend, I was actually trying to wrangle about eight or nine different plot ideas/oneshots for assorted fic I've been wanting to write for months now. I had thought I might try to use some for Kakashi Week, except none of what I had written really fit the prompts to my liking, and I was just feeling overwhelmed by too many choices (not to mention wanting to finish my current projects, too!).

When I read your comment, the BIGGEST lightbulb went off in my head for how to use team min + time travel to connect all the ideas in a fun and logical way. It was such a rush that I just sat down and typed and edited and drafted for a while, and I forgot to come back to tumblr to tell you THANK YOU!! Not just for pointing out how funny and cute and entertaining this whole thing would be, but also for reading and laughing at my dumb tags and everything! I love seeing your reactions, I'm glad we seem to have a similar sense of humor, and I always look forward to checking your blog and reading your posts. (1/2)

I'm gonna make a blog update about this a little later on, but I just thought I'd give you a bit of a headsup that I'm going to be taking a bit of a break from tumblr/ pulling back from updates and reblogs for a while. I have a short queue lined up, but over the last few days, I realized that tumblr has been absorbing a lot of my energy, and I want to reserve some of that time and energy for creating other stuff. (Writing more is definitely one of the other things). So if I'm not checking in as frequently, don't worry; I'm not losing interest in writing posts or finishing fic or anything. Just doing a bit of rebalancing.

Also, fyi, I spent the first half of yesterday re-reading the first arc of "Abandon." I kind of fell back in love with it after feeling a lot of hesitation and distance from it all summer. So that is where all my writing energy will go next, is to continuing part three, and then finishing part four + five afterwards. After that, probably continuing "Up Against The Wall," and after that, the new one with the Team Minato time travel in it. That's the plan, but I have no idea how long it will take or if I will stick with that order (hopefully not too long). Anyway, thank you for reading, and cheering me on when I'm tired of writing, and going with me and my Team Minato on their sad rollercoaster of emotions. I really appreciate it so much!! 🧡🧡🧡

Shzbvsbjsks I'm so glad you found my silly idea inspiring 🥰 it always strikes me how much Kakashi's personality changed from his kid version to his adult version so I always wondered how team Minato including kid Kakashi would react when they see adult Kakashi shenanigans 😂

It's always sad when one of my favorites blogs isn't as active as usual but it's also very understandable and it's a good thing too that you will get to focus more on writing so hopefully this will mean more new chapters will be coming 👀❤️❤️

And I can't even tell you how much I've missed "Abandon" so reading that you are falling back in love with it is such a great news to me, I can't wait to read everything you have for us, I know all of them are worth the wait 😍❤️

#my asks #sky answers

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otonymous · 4 years ago

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A Bolt From The Blue (MLQC Shaw - NSFW) - Part IV (End): Courage, My Love

Description: The final chapter. The Big Bang 😉 Warnings: NSFW/18+: Explicit/graphic language & mature themes — reader discretion is advised. Potential trigger warnings: physically aggressive behaviour, ex-boyfriends, angst, size kink, profanity, vaginal fingering and intercourse Word Count: 4237 words (~21 mins of thrills, real talk, fluff and smut) Author’s Notes: To all the lovelies who have been patiently following this story: you’ve made it! 🥳 Welcome to the final chapter in this Shaw saga, where we aim to go out with a massive bang (pun intended 😆). Once again, thank you all for every like, reblog, and comment I’ve received on this story. You are all amazing, and I appreciate your support! 💕

As always, tagging the lovely @op-peccatori — I hope you enjoyed this story! I certainly had lots of fun writing this! Please note the potential trigger warnings listed above, dear readers, and happy reading!

Jump to Chapter(s): One | Two | Three

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

The quiet is back.

But there is no peace, no relief in the monotony that follows after the man known as Shaw burst into your life like a bolt from the blue, stirring up long forgotten feelings like dead leaves animated by a carefree wind — here one minute, gone the next.

And with each passing day, hope erodes.

Little by little, your heart learns not to race as the clock above the magazine rack approaches 1:30.

It becomes harder to remember the sound purple sneakers made walking through the store.

You stop hoping, wishing, to see a head of lavender hair; that the next person to approach the register would place a cup of Pepsi mixed with Coke on the counter, amber-eyed gaze speaking volumes without uttering a single word.

Days become weeks, and then eventually…

…you stop counting them altogether.

* * *

“You’re looking good. I see you’re doing well for yourself.”

He reaches for the jade pendant hanging around your neck, eyes flashing with amusement when you hit his hand away with an audible smack.

“What the hell do you want? Haven’t you already done enough?” You say through grit teeth, steps quickening as you head for the better lit part of the street, trying to outpace the man and silently cursing the fact that returning to the convenience store was no longer an option at this point.

“C’mon baby, don’t be like that. It took a lot of effort to track you down and I waited a very long time for you to get off work. It’s cold, dark and lonely out here. Is that any way to treat your boyfriend? Or friend, at least?”

“ ‘Ex-boyfriend,’ asshole, and you’re no friend of mine, especially not after the way you took my life’s savings and ran.”

“Baby, it wasn’t like that—”

“Oh yeah?! Did you try telling that to the loan sharks too before they came and trashed my place? I had to move, Leto, because it wasn’t safe for me anymore, not with the way they kept harassing me and the neighbours asking about your whereabouts. They even came to my office. I lost my fucking job. So don’t come around here and tell me that I’m doing well for myself.”

Breaking into a sprint, your mind races as you try to think of a way to lose your ex, anger and anxiety prickling every nerve in equal measure. He had ruined your life, singlehandedly taken away everything you had. And though you had known him once, desperation has a way of making monsters out of men.

And right now, for all you knew, he was desperate and dangerous.

“Please, I just want to talk. I don’t need much this time, just a little bit to get me through this rough patch. I’ll pay you back, I swear, just…just STOP FOR A MOMENT!—”

You shriek to feel Leto wrap his hand about your wrist, but before he could tighten his grip, another arm is thrown around your shoulder, pulling you back until you’re pressed up against a hard, muscular chest, staring at a close up of Snoopy riding a skateboard.

“You got business with my girl?”

That voice. Dangerous and cocksure, yet comforting like nothing else as the muffled words reverberate through the tiny bones of your ear, a prelude to the soothing ba-bump of his heart, rhythm steady and concrete as the ground upon which you stood.

Shaw.

He’s really here.

“Hehe. Your girl?” The derision in Leto’s voice makes you sick to your stomach; you can’t help but hold your breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop as he looks Shaw up and down, zeroing in on his old t-shirt. “Tsk, tsk. So, not only do you enjoy wearing second hand clothing, you also have the habit of picking up sloppy seconds?”

BOOM!

Deafening thunder rolls moments after a bolt of lightning rends the night sky in two, throwing a jagged spotlight on the fury written on Shaw’s face when he moves just as fast to grab a fistful of Leto’s collar. The muscles of his forearm bulge as he holds up the entirety of Leto’s bodyweight in one hand, the sky opening in a sudden downpour as your ex struggles in midair, rain dripping almost comically from dangling feet.

And when Shaw brings Leto’s terrified face up close, the ferocity in those amber eyes sends a chill up your spine.

“This is the last time you’ll ever talk to her, see her, even think about her. Or else I’ll find you and take my sweet time making you wish you were never born, do you understand me?”

Head bobbing in vigorous nods, drops of water fly off the tips of Leto’s rain-slicked hair. Seemingly satisfied, Shaw tosses him onto the ground at your feet, voice low yet audible as it cuts through the din of the storm when he says, “Beg for her forgiveness.”

The fear in his expression almost palpable, Leto looks between you and Shaw — cowardice etched onto features you had once found so pleasing a lifetime ago. He prostrates himself onto the wet pavement, voice cracking in between sobs as he yells over the sound of the rain:

“P-please…please forgive me! I’m a piece of shit! I’m nothing, I’m garbage! I…I deserve to go to Hell for what I did to you! I-I’m so sorry! Please forgive me!”

Leto reaches out a shaky hand towards your soaked shoes before he remembers Shaw’s warning, but it is too late. Black combat boots hit the concrete hard within an inch of Leto’s face as Shaw stoops, yanking back a fistful of hair and pulling until your ex is looking up at you like a pitiful supplicant begging for mercy.

“Satisfied?” Shaw looks to you as if he were asking about something as mundane as the weather. You nod, suddenly too tired to even speak. You wanted to wash your hands of Leto, wanted nothing to do with all that had happened since you finished your shift at the convenience store. All you could do was watch as Leto scrambled away on all fours the moment Shaw loosened his hold, running until he was nothing more than a speck of darkness merging with the night.

The rain is cold, wetness driving against your body to leech even the final bits of warmth from bone. Your clothes are drenched, heavy as they cling uncomfortably to skin. But you are too drained to care, lacking the energy to even notice when the dim light of the streetlamp above is blotted out — Shaw holding his leather jacket over your head in the place of an umbrella.

All you are aware of before your vision goes dark is the anxiety in his voice when he calls your name over and over again, how weightless it felt to be carried in the cradle of his arms.

How much you missed the scent you thought you had learned to forget.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Finally awake, Sleeping Beauty?”

You opened your eyes to gaze into irises of warm amber, the situation similar to one you experienced before except for the fact that this time, you were the one lying in bed, staring at a man who sat on its edge, brows knit with concern beneath soft lavender strands.

“If you slept for any longer, I would’ve had to knock on your neighbour’s door.” Shaw chuckles but the sound is hollow, mirthlessness obvious like the blanched knuckles of his tightly clenched fists.

“What…how did we…” You begin, voice raspy as it dies, a sudden sharp pain in your throat making you wince.

And immediately, Shaw is on his feet, rummaging through cupboards in your kitchen until he finds a glass. You watch him run the tap, fill it to the brim. Feel the strength of his arm around your back as he holds you up, touch lingering even as you down the water in gulps to chase the discomfort away.

“You passed out not long after your douchebag of an ex ran off with his tail between his legs. I found your keys in your purse, so I let myself into your apartment — hope you don’t mind. Although, to be fair, I was also carrying you at the time, so it’s not really breaking and entering.”

Head feeling like it would explode as the events of the evening come rushing back, you turn towards him…slowly…slowly, afraid Shaw might disappear before your eyes should any movement prove too sudden.

Thank him. Now. Before he goes away again.

He is close, so close that you can count those long, beautiful lashes; almost feel the minuscule shifts in the air between you every time he blinks — those pupils encroaching onto gold as they expand and pulling you into their depths as they do.

“Why are you doing this?”

He doesn’t flinch at your question, and you can’t bring yourself to be shocked by the discrepancy between what you meant to say and the words actually spilling from your lips. And as the grey memory of days spent counting the hours of his absence settles like lead in the pit of your stomach, the only thing you knew was that your heart couldn’t survive latching onto this sliver of hope only to have it ripped away again.

All you wanted…was the truth.

“Because I can’t stand to see you sad anymore.”

There is no smirk to stretch across that handsome face, only pain that hurts your heart to see it. Resignation heavy in his voice, Shaw takes a deep breath before he continues.

“Turns out I’m weak when it comes to you. Selfish. I know I’m no good for you; there’s no future with me. I can’t give you anything, can’t even promise you tomorrow, but…I just can’t stop thinking about you. Wondering how you are. Whether you’re eating well, sleeping well. If you’re safe…happy.

“Tonight wasn’t supposed to happen. I just wanted to make sure you got home okay, that some asshole wasn’t going to hassle you at work. But then your ex showed up and when he tried to get fresh with you, well…I couldn’t let that slide.

“Listen, I don’t know what’s wrong with me but…I’m sorry, if I ever made you sad, if I scared you. I’m sorry for everything.”

His gaze drops to the rip in his jeans, the drip, drip of the leaky faucet the only sound in the ensuing silence of his confession. That is, until you say,

“I’m sorry too…that you’re such an idiot.”

His head whips up, brows furrowed and mouth slack as if caught in a rare moment of speechlessness. The shock makes him seem years younger, lending him an air of innocence that you couldn’t help but smile at.

“In case it wasn’t obvious, I’m a grown woman, capable of making my own decisions. I’m not so naïve that I don’t know what I would be getting into by being with you. You say you can’t promise me tomorrow, but tomorrow isn’t promised to anyone. All we can ask for — hope for — is the here and now.

“Love takes courage, as does life. But a life without love…it’s not much of a life, is it? So I’m willing to be brave if that’s what it’ll take for us to be together.”

As quickly as they came, the words are gone, leaving you cotton-mouthed and faint as your heart pounds to send the blood rushing to your ears. That could’ve been the only explanation as to why Shaw’s “I knew there was a reason why I loved you” sounded so muffled you had to ask him to repeat himself.

“Too bad, I only say things once.”

And there it is again: the spark in his eyes, smirk on those lips — igniting the fire you only allowed yourself to feel in dreams of his body on yours, skin to skin like kindling to flame.

“Are you that single-minded about everything?” You ask, the smile on your face mirroring his as it approaches closer…

“Only when it comes to not letting go of the one I care about.”

…closer…

“Tell me one thing.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

…and closer still.

Lips now a hair’s breadth apart, the gentle rhythm of his exhalation blows soft upon your cupid’s bow; a shy request. Your vision is filled with him, wonderfully awash with colour — lavender, amber, the soft pink of his mouth — and you wished you were the very clothes upon his body; saturated in his intensity, dyed in his hues.

His eyes fixate on your tongue when you wet your lips before asking, “That night, when you were hurt so badly you passed out in my store…why did you still insist on coming in?”

Shaw’s breath catches, hitching in his throat. You know because you can feel it, the way the warmth stops short on your skin. And when he speaks, the eyes that hold yours tell you this is no lie.

“Because if it was going to be the last night of my life, I didn’t want to go without seeing your face one more time.”

Love is a funny thing. Formless, senseless, yet the strongest thing that could bind two strangers. You hadn’t known Shaw for long, could count the days you spent together on one hand. And still, entirely without reason, he bled into each and every hour, crept into the darkest corners of your mind to fill your weary heart with a desperation that made it very clear that love was far from done with you.

That right or wrong, the only place you wanted to be was here — held in the arms that wrapped around your body: hot, tight, safe…

…Shaw.

His lips are softer than you ever imagined when he brings his face to yours, plush silk gliding corner to corner to cover your mouth in reverent kisses — one for each night he came into your store, watched over you from afar.

Your stalwart protector.

You tasted it now, the remnants of cinnamon on his tongue from the gum he was so fond of chewing, intensified by the memory of all the times you wondered about its flavour: pink bubbles popping in his mouth as he coolly dealt with the robber, the night you emptied his pockets as your neighbour stitched him up on your bed.

Shaw tasted sweet. Far sweeter than you ever imagined.

And when his tongue slides against yours — slow and sure as it explores your mouth with increasing fervour before drawing back just as you clenched around emptiness, yearning for more, the beast within you refuses to abide.

You like the shock that passes over his face when you move, sudden and forceful, to push him onto the mattress beneath you; the artless way Shaw sinks teeth into his bottom lip in response. You like how he watches as you straddle his hips — gaze earnest and body honest, hardening as you grind undulating circles upon his groin.

But, perhaps most of all, you liked the spark of something wild in those amber eyes, an unpredictability warning that if you weren’t careful, you’d be the one to find yourself pinned to the bed.

Because wasn’t that ultimately the push-and-pull that characterized so much between you and him? Maddening at times, but always, always binding you to Shaw like some red string of fate.

So you nod when he whispers “May I?”, unable to suppress a moan to finally feel his hands on you: tracing along your jaw, cradling your face…resting the pad of his finger on your lip before pushing past to stroke your tongue.

Every sound he makes pleases; the soft hiss preceding the bob of his Adam’s apple to feel your lips pucker around his finger to suck, pink tongue enticing as it swirls along the length of that digit, drawing it deeper into the hot wetness of your mouth.

You never saw yourself as seductive before, but Shaw made you feel sexy. Perhaps the impulse stemmed from some primitive desire, an instinctive call to please the man you felt so profoundly for that shame was the farthest thing from your mind when you pulled his hand from your lips to guide it to your breast, only partially aware of how wet you were becoming from his gaze alone — half-lidded and heavy with lust.

The heat of his touch permeates your blouse, white and transparent still in patches from the rain. You watch his hands as they play: cupping your breasts in a gentle squeeze, thumbs and forefingers catching your nipples to pinch and roll until they stood stiff against the drape of your clothing, the flush of your flesh bold through fabric.

“You’re so beautiful that there are times I think you can’t possibly be real.”

His voice is low, husky. You let it wash over you, almost frightened by how stupidly happy you become, willing the magic to linger even as his words dissipate amongst the sounds of the night: neon buzzing and the faraway screams of sirens in the distance.

A world apart.

Your hands find the broad expanse of his chest, tracing along muscle before circling the nipples that stood erect against his damp t-shirt. Each twitch is endearing, every erratic breath he draws to feel your touch making you fall harder. And when he tries to focus on unbuttoning your blouse while fighting the impulse to tear it clean off your body, the stirring between your legs grows in intensity until he finally pulls the silken panels aside, a quiet gasp escaping his lips to see his necklace nestled between your breasts.

“It really does belong on you.”

The admiration in his tone is laced with a hint of possessiveness that makes you throb. Shaw pushes himself to sitting, gathering you onto his lap in one smooth motion as he buries his face in your chest, inhaling deep. You gasp to feel gentle teeth sink into the flesh of your breasts, Shaw following the chain of precious metal with his lips until it leads to the pendant. And when his tongue slips out to draw the piece of jade into his mouth, he brings your nipple along with it.

“Oh!…”

The sensation is unlike any you’ve known before, the soft wetness of his pliant tongue a searing contrast with the cool, smooth stone rubbing against the sensitive tip of your breast in equal measure. You feel his smile on your skin when you fist your hands into lavender hair, spine curving as your legs begin to tremble.

And he had yet to touch you below the waist.

“Your body responds so well to me. I knew you were a good girl.” He looks up at you, teasing shamelessly even as he continues to lavish attention on your breasts.

“Just your girl, if you’ll have me,” you say without second thought, long past the point of caring to keep your cards close to your chest.

Something breaks in that expression, the final walls crumbling like dust when Shaw blinks once…twice, revealing eyes that shine with emotion when he replies, “For the rest of my life, if you’ll have me.”

* * *

“Hmm!—”

Your moan is muffled, swallowed by Shaw’s greedy lips like he does with every sound of ecstasy that leaks like you do around his cock, buried impossibly deep in your body as it rocks back and forth, back and forth on his muscular thighs…

…doing your best to adjust to his ample size.

He had barely suppressed a chuckle when you first slipped your hand into his jeans, a subtle mix of pride and amusement on his face to see your eyes widen when you couldn’t quite wrap palm and fingers around the entirety of his girth.

And foreplay had only just begun.

“Still doing okay?” Shaw asks, touch tender as he brushes loose strands of hair from your eyes, lips smoothing along the apple of your cheek to feel its pink heat. “We can go as slow as you want, there’s no rush. If it’s too much, we can stop—”

“No! No…I’m okay. More than okay, I’m great. Please…please don’t stop…don’t stop…”

Struggling to string words together, your breath comes in disjointed pants as Shaw begin to thrust up — the look on his face effortlessly sensual when he bites his lip to feel you spasm around him, tight wetness yielding in increments to accommodate his body as it broke new ground.

For you had never taken a man of that size, the litheness of Shaw’s muscular body belying the impressive package he’d been hiding in those jeans. Your jaw ached just to look upon the length of that thick cock, mouth watering as a fresh wave of arousal made you press your thighs tighter together. The movement didn’t go unnoticed. Shaw had drawn you to him then — deft fingers dipping low to trace the outline of your swollen folds through moist panties, lavender head bending to kiss its lacy trim.

He took his time preparing you, licking his fingers before he eased them into your pussy — first one, then two…curling deep until the slippery sounds of arousal told him the time was ripe to introduce the third, leaving you blooming for him even as he whispered, “Think you’re ready for me to make you my girl for real?”

It borders on overwhelming, this sensation of fullness — between your legs, within your heart. And as skin stretched to capacity to accommodate the sweet friction of his slide, you wished there was a way for the euphoria of this connection to last forever:

To the one you could never forget, no matter how hard you tried.

To this man you loved like no other.

“Shaw.”

His name is faint on your breath when he falls back onto the bed, taking you with him. And as you found yourself straddling his hips once more, the altered angles of your bodies gave him the leverage to make you gasp when he begins to thrust in earnest. The eroticism of his face, lost in lust, drives all thoughts from your mind as you drop a hand to your clit, fingers drawing tight circles before his hungry eyes.

The violence of your climax takes you by surprise, having no time to consider neighbours and thin walls as the lewdest sounds escape your lips at high volume. Intense convulsions wracking your body in waves, you clench in time around your lover. The sensation proves too much to bear, drawing out Shaw’s own release as he pulls out to spill onto the folds of your pussy — swollen and pink and trembling still beneath the coat of his pearlescent seed.

* * *

“I love you.”

Morning light trickles across your walls like the slow crawl of spidery legs. Shaw’s words hang in the air between you, a final, sacred moment shared between lovers before the rest of the world wakes.

You loved the hoarseness in his voice; a testament to the hours of noisy lovemaking you had shared in lieu of sleep.

You loved the weight of his hand, stroking softly at the crown of your head.

You loved the rhythm of his heart, echoing just below your ear to confirm his existence.

“I love you too.”

You look up into those amber eyes, trying to discern whether those four little words were sufficient in conveying that fact that you adored every fibre of the man before you.

The smile that graces his face in return is tender, honest…more brilliant than the day breaking in the East.

Your hands find his body, bare beneath the sheets. And as a curious finger traces along the ridge of the scar that runs in a broad stroke across his sculpted abdomen, your gaze falls on his t-shirt, draped over the back of a chair.

“You should probably throw that Snoopy shirt away, especially after what happened last night.”

Shaw follows your line of sight, chest rising and falling in a deep sigh. “Shitty as its previous owner was, I could never bring myself to hate something that reminds me of you. Aside from saving my ass, this was the first gift you ever gave me. And I never throw away gifts from my girl.”

His girl.

The mystery of life is that filled with unknowns though it is, we continue to live, brave in the face of the uncertainty that comes with every passing day. You had no idea what fate had in store for you or Shaw, had no way of knowing if your relationship existed on borrowed time.

The only thing you were certain of was that your feelings for each other were real, that try as you might, neither of you were very good at forgetting the other. That in this moment, here and now, the only thing that mattered was this love that hit you…

…like a bolt from the blue.

Thanks so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this Shaw saga! 💖

Check out more of my work here! 📚 (Please do not repost/copy/alter my work. Reblogs, on the other hand, are perfectly fine and much appreciated! 💖👍🏼)

Jump to Chapter(s): One | Two | Three

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #love and producer #mr love dream date #evol x love #mlqc shaw #mlqc ling xiao #mlqc smut #mlqc shaw smut #mlqc fanfic #mlqc fic #fanfiction #my writing #elex

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adorablele · 4 years ago

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𝘁𝗮𝗴 𝗴𝗮𝗺𝗲, the interview.

tagged by: @zhongriot (thanks lovie <3)

1. Why did you choose your url?

I wanted something simple and easier to remember than my previous url (@/hae-sicheng) and it fits with the fluffy theme of my works

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them?

yesuhhh I have like three or four I think?? there’s only three listed in my about me tho

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

not long too long! I created an account in July of 2019

4. Do you have a queue tag?

it’s been so long since I’ve posted on this account that I don’t remember if I do lmao, I don’t think I have a queue tag for this account

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I was already reading fanfic on tumblr, but finally decided to create a writing blog when I saw my friend post a fanfic on wattpad. I thought I’d give it a go on tumblr since I had a lot of drabbles/blurbs that I created on my phone in notes.

6. Why did you choose your icon / pfp?

I was in a xiaojun phase and thought the blue was cute

7. Why did you choose your header?

since I’ve started this account, the header (mobile) has always been a gif of water, so I chose water. I thought it’d be calming too, set some good vibes ya know

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

a jaemin blurb

9. How many mutuals do you have?

a lot that I am too lazy to list, but I haven’t talked to a lot of them in a while. I hope they’re thriving and staying hydrated and living their best life because they deserve the world <3

10. How many followers do you have?

an amount that I’m surprised I have considering my inactivity

11. How many people do you follow?

over 100

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

uh,,,, I can’t recall

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

I used to use this app like everyday and for about 2 hours, but recently it’s been like twice a week to reblog things for networks and that takes about 30-45 mins usually

14. Did you have a fight / argument with another blog once? Who won?

nahh

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to compare this’ posts?

idk what those are

16. Do you like tag games?

I love them! they’re very fun to do, so tag me if you have no one else to tag :)))

17. Do you like ask games?

I too love ask games!!! I love interacting with my anons or anyone who decides to slide into my inbox!!!! so hmu bbys

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

they’re all popular and fun and fresh

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

no, but I love them none the less <3

tagging: @hyucksie @the32ndbeat @wh6res @lideria @jeonginks (eiko I forgot your nct account) @jaetyhm @sleepingrenjun @neocity-sarai and anyone else, feel free to join my loves

#doing this makes me want to post again #I have so many unfinished drafts #perhaps i should finish one and post it considering that summer is starting this thursday #I ONLY HAVE TWO MORE DAYS OF EXAMS AND THEN IM FREE TT #and that queue tag makes me want to reorganize my blog that has a bajillion posts #idk how to do that #but ill figure it out

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random-mha-thoughts · 4 years ago

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Miss Missing You (Life Update)

Ahem yes that’s the title of this post

Boy am I tired and exhausted being awake since 5 am on 5 hours of sleep

Hello~🥰 all my lovelies who are still awake and chugging along out in this world that’s slowly descending into the depths of hell (it’s ok guys, just a little more than 3 months and it’ll be over...hopefully). I hope you’ve all been well, taking care of yourselves, drinking lots of water, and reminding yourself how amazing and wonderful you are and why you deserve to wake up every morning. And if you started school again, stay safe and good luck, I know you can do it, push through this

Before I say anything, I wanna say hi and welcome to the - holy crap - 300 more followers I’ve gotten since I started being inactive. I have no idea how you found this blog since it’s been radio silence, but thank you~ Enjoy your stay~

Also just a casual shout out to @mister-future for the reblog spam a few days ago, thank you so much dear 😘

Aaaaand I’m plugging a few events from my Discord server, POC Week that just wrapped up and a new Fantasy Week event where they’re still looking for a few writers to join in, so go check those out if you’re interested~ Sadly I won’t be participating, but I give all my love and support for both so please show them some love too.

Now you’re probably wondering or not “Chibi, where have you been?! It’s been nearly a month! You promised us Kiss of Death part 2!”

Well...see... the thing is... I don’t think I’ll be writing part 2... Hold the rotten tomatoes, let me finish!

Some of you might’ve seen from one of the last tag posts I did, but I never really made a formal announcement for this and I was meaning to do one early a month ago but life caught up to me and here we are. It’s not that big of a deal or anything, I’m not dying, I’m not moving, nothing like that. What I’m trying to say is in August I started PA school, which is basically about 70% of med school crammed into 2 years. Nonstop, no long breaks, even taking classes during summer. And as you can imagine, it’s a lot of work. Many times, my schedule has me up at 5 am, class at 7 until 3, I come home, study, eat, study, shower, wind down for 30 min or so and then sleep. On average, I sleep for ~6 hours a night and the entire rest of my day I’m studying. My only break days are Friday and Saturday, and Sunday I have to play catch up from the week and review/study. I have at least 1-2 exams every single week.

What I’m trying to say is it’s a lot, it’s a commitment I decided to take where I trade my social life and maybe my mental stability for 2 years and get a hopefully secure medical job with a nice salary and never have to go to school again. I thought I’d have time at least on the weekends to write as a mental break, but most of my Saturdays are spent taking half-day long naps. I didn’t anticipate that the mental and physical toll it would take on me would be this much. Today I was lucky to have class finish early and I finished my allotted studying early enough for me to make up for my lost sleep (I’m tired right now, can’t you tell how by how much I’m rambling? lol), but I told myself, “If you don’t write this now, you’re never gonna get to it again.” So here I am~ Running on fumes and almost falling asleep at my keyboard because I know I owe you an explanation.

Point is, writing isn’t really in my agenda right now. It can’t fit in my irregular, constantly-changing-yet-consistently-stressful PA school schedule. I wish I had the energy to pull myself together and give you guys something once a week, but my body and my mind can’t do it, and for that I’m truly sorry. I really miss this blog and writing and all of you, but I have priorities that go above it for now.

Am I saying you won’t be seeing anything of me until December? It’s a very likely possibility. I’m crossing my fingers that I can put out something, even a little thing sometime in between, but for now I think it’s safe to say I’m out of commission until December. I really hope you guys understand 🙏🏼

I love you all so much, thank you for sticking with me through the long update/announcement. Please stay safe and healthy, remember that you’re loved and you deserve the whole world, and there is no one else who can replace you 💖

~Chibi

#text #update #announcement #tiny talks #pa school really be kicking my ass though #i wanna sleep

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queenangst · 4 years ago

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Talk all about it plz

this answer is re: my 30 min fic challenge + why i think writers should try it!

30 min fic challenge / ‘30 min fics’ tag / the original challenge post (feel free to reblog this or make your own, but it’d be nice if you credited/linked me)

Here is an ask i answered about how i manage my time, and here is an ask where i talk about the challenge.

from the second ask, because i think i put it well there:

i came up with the 30 min fics challenge last year as a way to push myself, to see what i could do—and it’s helped me learn about just how much of a story i can write in develop in a short time. every fic is a learning experience; 30 minutes is just the right amount of time; enough to write something with weight and substance, but not enough to sit there and think, or to go back and edit.

i think the 30 min fic challenge is 1) a really great challenge, which you should strive to do with your writing 2) a lot of fun!

it’s also helped me develop a better relationship with some of my writing. it’s 30 minutes - mostly unedited and uncut. to be able to develop a full fic, you don’t have time to think too much about your work and what direction it’s going. you also don’t have a lot of time to change or fix things, so it’s a great way to learn how to problem solve and improvise. it’s giving structure to a sort of free-writing exercise, and to do this challenge successfully, you have to think fast and think ahead.

also because of the speed of the challenge, it’s easy to distance yourself from your work. a lot of times i feel like as writers we put so much of ourselves in our work, and when our feedback or our result, etc, is not what we want/expect, we get very disappointed in that. but these are 30 min fics! they might be very good. they might only feel okay. the more you do, the easier they get. that’s fine!

and most of all it’s doable, and it forces you to write. you might be stuck writing a one-shot or part of a story for months. you might feel like writing hasn’t been coming to you easily. or maybe you just want to write something quick, without having to think about a billion different plot points. but you can take 30 minutes, or an hour, or whatever variation of time you like; and by the end of it, you’ll have created something.

how the 30 min fic challenge works

30 minutes. 1 prompt. write a fic.

this is originally designed as a writing ask game, but you can also use pre-existing prompts, or prompts of your own choosing/making. some advice - don��t use prompts that are too broad or too large in scale. here is an ask i got about what makes a good prompt.

there’s a couple rules that you have to follow in order for it to really be a challenge, so i’ll just add them onto this post.

no/minimal planning planning takes away the heart of the challenge, which is to look at a prompt and adapt quickly - to create a story out of nothing. at most, you should have an idea or a direction of where you think a prompt will take you, and then you should start writing. you should not be taking five or ten minutes to think about what you’re going to write. just look, get a general idea, and start writing.

continuous 30 minutes this shouldn’t be a 30 minutes that’s broken up over a long period of time, like a few days. though personally, i usually break the writing up into three 10-minute ‘sprints’ or two 15-minute ones that i do consecutively right after one another, which helps me get a better sense of time.

no/little editing after finishing try to do as little editing as you can after you finish. go back and fix any syntax mistakes, of course, and little things like that. maybe adjust some words. but that should be it.

you can cheat a little :) these rules are what i try my best to follow. but honestly no one’s going to know if you break them a little. change up how you tackle the challenge, edit, plan... if it helps you produce a story, then i’m all for it. these rules are, honestly, guidelines. they’re present so you the writer can have a slight level of disconnect, so you don’t get too deeply invested or spend too much time on them, and to challenge you... but break them if you need.

other thoughts: 30 minutes is the time i’ve found works well for me, not too long and not too short. but feel free to adjust.

#30 min fic challenge #30 min fics #asks #writing #anonymous

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zachnovak · 4 years ago

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So I don’t normally log onto this account much so I haven’t seen any of the many messages and such I’ve been getting on recent posts concern some dumb drama. In a nut shell, some adults who act more like immature children from the Mean Girls universe love to make crap up and I was the current target as I.... was breathing? I dunno. Apparently I’m the anti christ or something and they haven’t gotten over that their attempts to cancel me and even cause me to commit acts of self harm with continued targeted harassment and involving me in drama I know nothing about have all failed. Frankly, it’s because I literally don’t give a shit. I come to tumblr to RP, make my posts, and then hop on my PS4, switch, class work, gym time whatever. I don’t care about drama or what’s going on in the RPC as I know it’s a shot show filled with drama and people trying gossip girl type ‘takedowns’ of others just for breathing in when they were suppose to breathe out.

Because of that crap I literally just sign on to in the RPs I’m in then close the tumble tab. I do not have a personal, I do not check out any tags other than for the face claims I use to get pics or gifs, and I go out of my way NOT to know anyone’s personal blogs or their aliases. If we talk on discord great, if not, great as well. I do occasionally make my own group and put my current one on hiatus as the recent drama turned me off but going to reopen it soon. I’ve just been part of a couple of groups since and currently. However, since some people are interested in my past here because of the nonsense, here we go.

I was on an RP called alegendreborn which was one of my first RPs on tumblr. It seemed great and welcoming. I picked one of their skeleton canons and was happy to be there. I got along with people but didn’t know how to reblog properly as I was new to tumblr and three way posts were extreme confusing. Apparently my inability to properly reblog them pissed off some of the members. Because of that I only really talked to one person in the RP who helped me learn how to reblog correctly. Also, my character had a pre-established connection to another as a ‘best friend’ so we had a couple of threads. However, I quickly noticed the min of that character could go 3 weeks to months without posting but pass all activity checks and would focus on bubble RPing with the same three muns. When this person ignored our thread for weeks I sent them three messages four days apart each that reminded them of the thread which I was told they’d post. On the last message I told this person I was ending our thread and requesting that staff change my characters group in an event they were running as they put our characters in the same group and I no longer trusted this person to post in a timely manner to me. I was quickly ‘invited to leave’ and had multiple members message me on Skype to basically tell me I was shit and an awful person for trying to get a reply I’d been waiting 2 months to get. So I left and never looked back.

I later joined an RP called warofthenewage-rpg which again seemed friendly but much more basic lore wise than the previous RP. I quickly noticed a character who was almost EXACTLY like a skeleton canon I had on an RP I made on a jcink forums RP two years before. I messaged the player of that character asking if he knew of my RP he said he did but before I could presue anything he instantly wanted to plot my character with his. I did message the main about it but was later told they ‘never got it’. We plotted our character as a couple as the chemistry they were displaying in our first few threads was very apparent and we loved posting together and could pop out paragraphs of posts minutes after the other just posted. Eventually, that min begun to became very controlling of how and what I was posting. If my character had a thought of his that wasn’t postive or lovey, he’d berate the hell out of me on Skype and threaten to end our plot. Apparently he had also been complaining the his friends in the RP and told them I posted ‘too many actions’ and that it made him feel forced to react in specific ways. That telephoned to other members and morphed into I was forcing him to do exactly what I told him to post and poweplaying/god modding him. Now I come from forum RPs and there to post A LOT and you progress the thread with each post. This is done so you’re not 30 posts in and you’re characters are still at the door that one of them knocked on in the very first post.

Eventually, most members begun to refuse to speak to me because of the complaining he did which they’d snowball into some out of this world epic drama. The staff even begun to be hostile, use the gossip blog to belittle my character, and would pretend not to receive my applications when I tried for additional characters or my wanted ads but use the info to create a very similar character or ‘update’ an existing one. Well, about 2 months of members ignoring me or belittling me followed, staff made it worse and the mun I had a plot with decided to when not telling me I suck and no one liked me, he’d say we still had our plot but then took my character out of the equation and made another character take his place. Naturally I was upset as I had been through months of harassment, belittling, and treated like crap by everyone in the RP because of this guy only to in the end be thrown away. I resolved to move my character on. I only spoke to him and two other people in the RP and one of them had a character that was insanely into my character. However, the guy I had the plot with was insanely sexually attracted to the face claim so when my character and this new one had threads, he tried to tell the RP and even the other mun that I was forcing them into posting and into smutting which was engaged by the other person in one of our threads. I was harassed by that guy for days until I dropped that plot and basically used a ‘reset’ option for my character. However, that pissed off the guy and I again was relentlessly attacked by him on Skype. After months of the members ignoring me for (to my knowledge, no reason as I never spoke with 98% of the RP) or insulting me and out right telling me to kill myself, an attempt was made and I was effectively gone for almost two months for recovery.

Almost a year later I came back and begun to remake my old jcink RP here on tumblr. It took me about 5 months to do and I dug up codes from codepen and codrops to use in the theme. I also copied the aesthetic from the jcink RP’s theme and brought it over. The RP was very popular and seen as one of the best designed and story driven ‘mutant’ type RPs around. However, an admin from another RP became very bitter at it and me. This admin ran an RPH and had their own RP in the same genre in the past. They were revamping it and noticed our RPs had a similar aesthetic, apparently monchromatic themes AKA a them that uses shades of white, grey, and black for most of its coloring was only allowed to be used by that admin. The admin attacked my RP and claimed I had stolen their theme and coding and even went so far as going into my coding and pasting selective bits of it. I was asleep when she made the original post and woke up to dozens of anon messages ranging from calling me a thief to demanding I kill myself. All my members were harassed in the same way and she had contacted all the RPHs I had asked for a shoutout or was on their spotlights of to ‘inform them’ and then openly attack them if they didn’t remove any mention of my RP and signal boost her post. She even went so far as to harass and threaten RPs I was on, that I was one, or that had a character that sounded anything like any of mine. I even had an affiliation thing started but many of those I had been added to messaged me that they were being harassed and I told them to pretend they didn’t know what was going on. I’d take the hit for them and spare them farther harassment and leave their RPs if they wanted as I was on most of them.

During this time I was recovering from everything I was being slammed with be anons and the RPs previously mentioned going off as well in some pity attempt to get revenge for... not being liked on their RPs three and two years previously? I also was collecting evidence that many of the codes this RPH claimed she made and in stole were in fact on codrops and codepen. A good amount I made myself but a large chunk were from these resource sites with some heavy edits so they’d work better on tumblr. I even had evidence that many of her own coding templates had codes directly from these sites and others with no credit given to them and her claiming she created all the coding on her own. I submitted it to many RPHs and many of them saw the error and how this person was very toxic in the community and was making more drama than helping it. Some ignored it outright as she was popular and I was just a nobody. It took 3 years to recover from it in terms of my reputation and I again shut down my RP for a bit as I had made another attempt on my own life as that person and her friends continued to harass me and attack me on their personal or RPH accounts.

The last bit of drama came when I joined an RP called Corinth Bay. At first there wasn’t any and I had long since adopted my, sign on just to post and then bounce method of being on an RP. I eventually got to know one member named Shane. @inthenamexofthemoon I think we became pretty good friends as we talked everyday for basically the whole day. We had plots, enjoyed posting, and just chatting. I noticed that RP was heavily cliquey and wasn’t aware that Shane was a part of the admin’s clique. This group had multiple issues with member complaining their characters were being ignored and people were bubble RPing with the same people over and over. I myself had to constantly ask people if they wanted to plot or just post and even the main had to post up announcement about ignoring starters to make closed ones and expanding who they post with. I also had questions on much of the lore of the RP as other than the origins of each supernatural species, the lore was very generic and vague. I asked around and got a lot of different opinions on what could or couldn’t be done by each species and just went with what was common among them all. Shane himself helped me a bit and I went with his suggestions which apparently were completely wrong as the staff had to talk to me on ‘breaking lore’.

After that, I expressed openly how I felt the staff didn’t like me and my concern that given how cliquey the place was, if the staff didn’t like me I’d probably be ‘exiled’ from the group as a whole AKA no one would post or talk to me. Which did happen with the exception of Shane. Others I had spoken to had long left and told me stories of the awfulness of some of the members and staff. So I begun working on an RP of the same genre that I had half finished years before. Shane was kept in the loop every step of the way and pinned and loved all the lore I showed him which I did to ensure it was both in-depth and easy to follow but also wasn’t ‘bad’ IE, offensive if certain things are mentioned. He loved it and ensured me it was great and pinned everything I showed him so he’d reference it when making his characters. Eventually I worked on it so much that I kept only the bare minimum activity requirements for Corinth Bay but obeyed the rules of activity to the letter. However, the staff ultimately removed me despite even admitting that they knew I still had a couple of days before failing the activity check and had actually ‘not counted’ a couple of posts I made for an event going on as I should have replied to starters for it first but it wasn’t a requirement. Also they used a blog to post up starters as many RPs like to do now only they were also slow to reblog them and never used the starter tags so they’d get buried quickly on the dash with everyone posting picture posts and what not.

Ultimately I gave up on that RP, didn’t need the toxic environment and finished mine. Shane got very quiet though and didn’t reply to my discord messages for a couple of days. When he did he suddenly got a bit hostile and everything in my RP WAS ‘problematic’ and because of that he wouldn’t be joining. I had no idea what he meant as before he said it was perfect and awesome so I asked what he meant specifically. Eveutally he told me a little of what he meant. Apparently there was racism as In the witch’s page mentioning that voodoo and other cultural magical/practices was a form of magic some witches practiced was both racist and cultural appropriation. Although voodoo was indeed a magical/belief practice used as a magical practice I decided to just remove its mention in the end. He also didn’t like that in the lore, there were female characters that were ‘bad’ and that was sexist. This I choose not to change as it’s sexist to say women can’t be villains and felt as just an excuse. Especially since my lore included many powerful women, men, and gender less entities that were villains, heroes, and neutral parties.

Eventually after opening, I decided to message the people I had previous posted with telling them the RP was ready and I’d love for them to check it out. Those from Corinth Bay I messaged were either aware I was making one and wanted to see it or were people Shane and I hinted to it being made and they had at least a slight interest in it. Admittedly, I also messaged blogs that came on the ‘recommended blogs’ part of the dash. Only those that were inactive according to the last few IC posts that were showing in their blogs. I know this gets a mixed reaction from some as some view it as a horrible thing even if the blogs are inactive but many MANY people also appriecate it and the fact that someone read their blog and was very impressed with their writing ability and character. I myself receive many of these messages on my retired blogs and don’t see an issue with it myself. Even if I did I’d just block the blog that sent it and never think of them again like a normal person.

One of the members I DIDN’T even know who they were apparently didn’t like this and decided to make drama over it. To this day I don’t know who this person even is or was when I was on that RP and still don’t as everyone drops and makes new characters when bored on there. Shane went fully 180 on me and turned vile and petty which is clearly to save face with the people on that RP. He knows me from all our talks and that the bullshit he spreads is itself false but still was a bit of a pity bitch for a while. Apparently the friend @stephwuzhere @loganlcrmans of the admin that tried to cancel me also wanted to rehash that old drama but was quickly shut down. I had no idea who this person even was at first as again, I don’t follow any tags and go out of my way to avoid personal blogs and ones like RPH, RPT, and whatever unless just asking for a quick shoutout to my RP. I had no idea that this person was also very toxic and involved in targeted harassment, grooming, and identity theft of various people in the RPC just because she didn’t like them at the moment.

I have decided to stay away from this shit storm despite some of these people still trying to drag me into it even though I literally haven’t thought about them for months and barely even remember they exist. I’ll be reopening my RP soon and hope that these people who live their privlenged lives will eventually get over themselves and do some growing up. I say their are privileged because you must be if you can harp on drama for months and keep dragging someone you have no connection or knowledge of. The rest of us, adults, have things like work, bills, school, friends, and trying to destress from watching our bank account get more and more empty to care about pity immature online drama. Especially when it’s bullshit like ‘he dared to remind me he exists’. Please, grow up and do better people. There is life outside of the internet and when you get too old to be in the RPC which is apparently a thing now, you’ll see just how stupid you were to make so much drama for no reason other than being pity, stupid, immature, brats.

#inthenamexofthemoon #stephwuzhere #loganlcrmans #psa #usersteph

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itsbuckysworld · 6 years ago

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Summer Writing Challenge 2019!

Here it is! As talked about a while back, before I did the spring writing event, I had talked about doing another challenge, just because, and thought of waiting for the summer for it so it had some sort of theme or rhyme or reason.

Banner made by myself :) ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ˢᵗᵉᵃˡ ᵐʸ ᵇᵃⁿⁿᵉʳˢ ᵒʳ ᵈᶦᵛᶦᵈᵉʳˢ

SOME RULES :)

You don’t have to follow me, but it’d be nice (im like 50 away from 4K? how??????) also reblog this for exposure?

you can use any and all MCU characters. (x reader pairings and ships allowed :) ) - No real people fics

smut is welcome, no underage smut, no incest - only platonic sibling ships.

deadline is the end of summer: Sept. 23rd :) but you can have as much time as you need.

only one person per prompt, one prompt per person. If you’re making a moodboard and not writing then someone else can take the prompt to write about it.

au’s, tfln’s, series, one shots, drabbles, all is welcome. min 300 words. use the read more feature if you go over 500.

send me an ask with the prompt you want and the blog that you will be writing from, also let me know if you’re making a moodboard or writing.

you do not have to center these around summer. go off.

tag it with #ibwradsummer19 and tag me @itsbuckysworld in your piece! send me a DM if it’s been 24hrs and i haven’t given you a like or reblog on your piece.

Prompts under the cut, 30 total, i’ll add more if needed! the prompts are as inclusive/gender vague as i could think of so, go off honey, HAPPY PRIDE *waves rainbow flag*

SONG PROMTS can use as inspiration, or quote the lyrics directly, even use the music videos as inspo (if available).

Summer Lovin’ - The Tuesday Crew > @kingofthelosers

Carolina - Harry Styles > @sunmoonandbucky

I Don’t Want It At All - Kim Petras

Don’t Stop - Blanks > @trashybutnottootrashy

Feeling Lonely - boy pablo

break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored - Ariana Grande. ��> @supernaturallymarvellous

Never Really Over - Katy Perry > @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan

girls girls boys - panic!at the disco

AU’S

Biker AU >@sgtbxckybxrnes

Roadtrip AU >@with-valkyrie

Enchanted Forest AU >@all1e23

Lifeguard AU >@theassetsass

Diner AU >@soldatjbb

Teacher AU > @ruckystarnes

Rock/Pop/Punk Band AU > @bitchassbucky

Hero and Villain AU > @daenyara

SCENARIOS/DIALOGUE

i always come down to this lake on summer’s and thought that cabin was empty, turns out you’re there now cause you inherited it. > @lclflwrgrl

we’re the only ones reading at this beach party and it’s the same book. > @aryastarss

sure stranger, I’ll help you find your bikini top/swim trunks > > @blackirisposts

sure random stranger, I’ll help you cross that thing off your bucket list. > @friday-ocean

popular person at school/uni shows up at the beach with a ton of floaties “i just want to learn how to swim/get over my fear of water, you never saw me here” > @buckychrist

a weekend in a log cabin sounds great, if person A and B weren’t basically enemies. > @jewelswrites-ish

i’m a camp counselor and you’re a mermaid that lives in the lake, please stop scaring the kids - > @ironmandeficiency | @gamorazenn will make a moodboard

“Our cabins are paired up for all the activities and people keep asking if we’re dating - wait did you just say yes???” au > @mattaretto

thinking that your crush can’t see you stare at them through your sunglasses but they can... and they like it. > @marvellingdaydreams

we chatted a bit in the line to the bathroom and you dropped your wallet, and now i missed one of my fave songs at this concert/festival trying to find you to give you back your wallet. > @melitadala will write | @ramblerumble will make a moodboard

“whose idea was it to build this makeshift waterslide?!” > @throwmyheartawayagain

A: “who drank my last *insert cool beverage*?!” B:“hey so, like remember you love me? and we’re married?” > @the-goddess-of-mischief

“it’s summer, I can have two boy/girlfriends if i want to” - > @writeyourmindaway

A: *entering a room* “I love summer! summer is the best” / B:*entering right behind them* “I fucking hate summer” / C: “how are you two married again?” > @marvel-lously

“are you trying to... seduce me?” “yes...” “ok, keep going” >@delicatelyherdreams

A: we could go camping! ---later---> A: whose idea was it to go camping this is a disaster! > @fortheloveofjbbarnes

looking at your two friends after a beach day “would you look at that, if it’s not two sunburnt dummies, if only someone had reminded you of sunblock- oh wait!” > @the-unspoken-rule

we’re paired to seat together at a rollercoaster and you see me freak out but you don’t laugh, try to calm me down and hold my hand. > @taxonomyisracism

almost knocked you out with a golf ball at the course, i’m so bad, please teach me? > @rumpelstilskenxoxo

one last friends trip and hurrah before we all split up to different colleges. > @avintagekiss24

A: “Please, give me some time to think about it” B: “i’ve given you time, more time than i should. What i need is an answer, please” > @sleep-i-ness

A: *talking really slowly* “I need to use the bathroom” B: “I know english, i was just pretending to see how far this would go” > @is-it-really-a-secret

“I’m not a good dancer” “no one said you had to be good, just dance with me” > @captainamericasbeard

Person A having to baby/pet-sit and calling person B for help every 10 minutes so they just come over and help and wow, it’s a mess.

“what can i say, i have a weakness for people that can lift me over their heads” > @buckyownsmyheart

more will be added if needed. have fun and don’t forget the rules :)

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