#it was probably intentional though. different people different time and different priorities | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heyhihellosworld · 1 year ago

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𝐀𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮

Trent Alexander-Arnold x reader

Word count: 6.2k

Summary: Trent would do everything for his daughter even if it's out of his comfort-zone but maybe something, or someone can make it more bearable.

Warnings: Single parent, talk about non-present parents, horses, angst, smut, fluff, dad!trent, young pregnancy (19/20)

Notes: I don't know but this idea just came to me randomly when I was in the stables and I just find it funny to see these out of place parents, especially dads so yeah. Random but fun to write

Being a single parent wasn't always easy. Trent found it hard to be as present as possible, to spend as much time with his daughter as he wanted and still succeed in his football career. It took a lot of time, effort and help but he managed well, being the best dad possible and still develop in his football. It took a toll on him but he wouldn't trade it for the world.

Since he had been a little kid football had been his life, his goal and the only thing that mattered. For so long it was all that consumed his life, until Ella came along. It was never the plan, never his intention after the one-night stand he'd had but it happened and after a rocky year he had full custody of his baby.

After that his priorities changed because he was no longer alone, he couldn't be selfish anymore, he couldn't think about himself because he had a little girl at home. A little girl relying on him for food, comfort and love and suddenly, she was what mattered the most.

Less to say Trent didn't have a lot of free-time, already juggling more than the time could wrap up but he didn't really miss anything, he felt complete. The only thing he sometimes missed was dating. Going out was nowadays almost impossible, even though his brothers and parents tried to help out and babysit as much as they could he didn't feel fine with leaving her in their responsibility too long knowing they already helped out more than they should. Trent hadn't dated someone in what felt like years nor had he gotten any action regurarly. He didn't mind it, but he could miss it some days. Not only the sex but the social life outside of his work. That's why it felt like a blessing when Ella got older and he had to engage in some of her free-time activities. It wasn't like before of course, this was mothers and fathers with their kids not drunk idiots in a club in some VIP-room. But it was still some kind of social life, some people he could talk to and sometimes hang out with outside of the footballpitch.

For him it was obvious she would play football. It was what he'd anticiapated for a long time but the little girl said no. She didn't wanna play football, she wanted to take horseback-lessons, and as the nice father he was he didn't pressure her into anything but said ok, she would get to take her horse-riding lessons if that was what made her happy.

The four-year old was over-joyed, not Trent. He was as far away from his comfort zone he could imagine when he stepped onto the yard with his estatic daughter. It was muddy and bloody cold but he didn't say anything, just smiled at Ella who blabbered away.

Anything for her

It was all he repeated in his head to get himself to not jump into the car again.

He could hear his teammates laughing in his head as he stood in the small house which apparently was called the club-house. When he had told them about his daughters wish he had got his head nagged in with teasing, but hey, anything for her.

He got informed of how it worked, where the list was, where the different buildings were located, how he handled the horse, that he'd have to fix it up before riding.

He nodded along pretending he understood just fine before walking after Ella as she hurried into the stable. The smell was the first thing that hit him, then the horses. What the fuck was he doing here, why hadn't he asked somebody who knew something about this to take her? Well probably because she had been so excited for him to come along.

"Look, look!" Ella prompted, grinning from ear to ear as she pointed to one of the horses "Which one am I having? Which one daddy?"

Trent shook his head "Uh, what was his name? Mons?" "Monty!"

Trent hummed, nodding as they walked along the line of horses, "Here it is" he told her and she squealed with excitement at the tiny, fat little horse that stood in the box, glaring at them from inside.

Trent stood a few meters away as one of the people who helped out in the stables showed Elle how to tack up. He could feel the stares as he tried to look at what they were doing, trying to memorize but nah, it was too much stuff. Ella almost bounced on the spot as everything was ready, Trent yet to touch the horse that was still glaring at them.

Trent sat on the cold tree stand as he watched his daughter wiggle around on the horse. If it wasn't for the biggest smile on her face he would've tried to talk her into something else but he couldn't, and it didn't matter how bitter he felt. He would have to learn and show up, put on his well practiced fake-smile, for her.

"Are you really Trent Alexander-Arnold?"

The sound of his name made him look up, taken aback by the mention. He hadn't even thought about being spotted or recognised here which he of course should have.

"Eh, I am" he choke before he even located the woman who spoke but when he did he felt like his choked reply was just right. Before him stood a beautiful woman, she didn't look like a mom, for sure not. She looked about his age, maybe a year or so younger than him.

She was absolutely stunning, her beutiful face held a warm and almost teasing expression. Eyes glimmering, like she was mocking him for his whereabouts.

"Wow" she hummed, sitting down next to him so naturally it almost made him envy her confidence. "So what in the world brings the famous footballer to the stables?" She asked, seemingly unbothered but the smirk she tried to hide leaked through, making him pull a grimace at her.

"Well, my daughter wanted to take horseback-lessons... so I took her to do it, silently hoping she wouldn't like it but now I guess this is my new place to be" he muttered and she chuckled softly "That's sweet of you"

Trent shrugged his shoulders, looking over at her as she sat so casually but still looked so elegant and beautiful. "What about you?" "Well I also happen to have a daughter who loves this stinky hole" she hummed, peeking his interest even more "Really?" he questioned, his eyes full of interest as she hummed "yeah, why?"

"No no I just... you look young to be a mother" he revealed, pulling a smile from her "thank you, I guess. But I was young when I got her" she admitted, making Trent nod along "How old are you?"

"23" she answered shortly making him hum "And what's your name?"

She chuckled, giving him a loopsided smile as she raised one eyebrow "Why are you so interested?"

Trent shrugged "I just am, you're not gonna tell me your name?"

"Y/n, it's y/n" she answered politely, a silence settling over the two as they watched their children try to lead the horse in the right direction.

It had been a stressful afternoon for you, hurrying home after work to make it in time to Amelies riding-lesson. But you'd made it, not quite on time but good enough.

Amelies riding lessons was nothing you'd been too big of a fan of, not only because you knew nothing about horses but also because it was darn expensive. But of course you couldn't say no to your precious daughter when she so sweetly asked you, so now you found yourself on this tree bench every week, looking as your daughter held the biggest smile on her face, and it felt worth it.

"I don't mean to be forward" you voiced quietly after a few moments, "It's fine" he hummed, turning his attention to you, bracing himself for what he knew was coming.

He was even more beautiful face to face, so close up, than on the tv-screen and you still had a hard time realizing it was actually the football player sitting next to you on the stable stand.

You had of course read gossip sites and rumors about him and his daughter, some saying he was indeed secretly married and other saying it was a failed one-night stand leading him to be a single parent. You didn't know what it was but you were intrigued.

"Are you married?"

Your question didn't surprise him, his eyes fleeting back from watching the group to you again. "Well-no"

"No?"

He shook his head, curls flying all over the place, your face told him you wanted to know more and he gave in, he knew darn well about all the rumours flying around about him and his daughter, and especially about the mother. "I am not married. Me and Ella's mother is not in any committed relationship. In fact it was a one night stand, ending up in her calling me and telling me she was pregnant and after a long hard time she pulled out, and I am now a single parent"

You hummed "is her mother in the picture at all?"

"Rarely, whenever it suits her" he shrugged, not really understanding why he told you all this. "What about you?" You chuckled bitterly "Nah, I was in a relationship when I got pregnant, but like I said I was young, barely 19 and our relationship was as serious as they are at that age so when things got real he bailed"

"So, do you have any contact?"

"No, I haven't really heard from him since I told him I was pregnant, I forced him to meet her once" you told him bitterly, the air tensing but you didn't mind and neither did he. It was nothing secretive and something you both had moved on from so talking about it felt like a natural part of an introduction because it was a big part of who you were, big part of your families.

When the short lesson was over Ella was bouncing as she ran up to Trent. You stood next to him, waiting for Amelie whilst continuing to small-talk. You couldn't help but smile as he kneeled down to scoop her up in his arms with the brightest smile. "Did you enjoy it princess?"

"I love it! Thank you daddy" he chuckled as he let her down again "Of course sweetie, are you all done now so we can go home and cook?"

You watched as the little girl nodded before looking away, Trent saw it aswell "It's okay, we can stay a little longer" he smiled at her shy look making her face lit up again "I just wanna say bye to my friends" she replied, kissing his cheek before running up the small bump into the stables again.

You felt like pouting at the sweet interaction but stopped from it seeing they were strangers and it would probably put him off. "She is really adorable" you smiled as he stood up again, smiling small.

"Thank you"

"Have you been here for a long time?"

"Here?"

"Have your daughter been riding for a long time?" he corrected making you hum "Well nah not that long, a couple of months" you answered. More than that wasn't said and it felt like a small relief when both of your daughters came running down from the stable giggling, breaking the sudden awkvard tension. You smiled at your daughter, her hapiness making you happy.

"Mommy, did you see?!" she squeeled as she raised her arms as a sign for you to lift her up which you did with a grin. "I did see, you were really good today" you smiled, loving her happy face as she bubbled with hapiness, all giddy.

You put her down when she started to wriggle, packing down all the things in your stable-bag. "Mom"

"Yeah" you hummed "Do you think I can play with Ella some day?"

You looked up, smiling softly as you paused "I'm sure we could fix something some time" you promised making her smile again, breaking away from the small shy energy. You could see that she was tired, even though she was blabbering and bouncing the tiredness started to droop onto her.

When she yawned you chucled, picking her up which she gladly accepted, snuggling into your shoulder.

You waved goodbye at Trent who smiled your way before stropping Amelie in the car to drive home.

Since that first time in the stables Trent and Ella went every week, every week coming to seek you out, ask you about your week and how you'd been since last time.

What in the beginning was a dreadful day for Trent slowly started to become an enjoyful one. You liked the stables just fine but it didn't get worse by seeing Trent.

Whenever he wasn't there it was a huge disapointment, something you were all to aware of.

He had became a good friend, your daughters spending time outside of the stables as well which prompted you to meet more than once a week.

The attraction was there, always but of course you never went with it since the kids were around and dating with a kid or even more so sleeping around whilst having a kid was not something you found appropriate or fair for her at the moment so you didn't do anything, didn't say anything and if he felt the same way he didn't say it.

You learnt more and more for every time you met and got more and more smitten. You understood why everybody was fawning over him so bad. You'd always liked him on the pitch, enjoyed watching him play but this was something completely different than that.

It was a sunday you realized how smitten you actually was with the guy. He had suggested to meet up for the kids to play so you could watch football together. It was United against City so the expectations where high as you sat in your sofa together. The girls in Amelies room playing.

He had been such a softie, resting his hand on your thigh as you sat closer than appropriate, conversing and laughing about the game. He told you stories about himself, about Ella and it was all so soft.

His eyes had been warm and he had been so sweet, cooking all of you lunch and helping you fix the new coffee table you hadn't put together yet. It had felt so domestic and it had made you realize how much you actuallly liked the guy.

But you hadn't spoken a word about it. It was too complicated to get involved with anyone. No man had gotten introduced to Amelie except from her dad but other than that you had stayed far away from that part of you. Only ever being with someone when Amelie wasn't home.

It was a delicate matter with kids and you didn't want to risk anything, plus, you had no idea if Trent even liked you in the slightest so you just kept your mouth shut, enjoying what was now.

A rare evening without Amelie or work was spent out. You were still young, still enjoying the thrill of a good club with friends so the bar was the place to go.

Your best friend begged to go to this new open bar, more similar to an night-club than bar but you didn't mind.

The first hour was spent upstairs in one of the more reserved booths, drinking and gossiping, spilling the recent tea and of coure the main topic was Trent.

She was dying to hear about it and you were dying to telll her. "No way he said that" she gasped, clapping her hands "Wow you go y/n, this is honestly wild"

You giggled, swallowing the rest of your drink "I know"

"What's next then? You almost kissed in his car and now?" "Now nothing" you sighed, shaking your head "What do you mean nothing"

"I mean that I haven't heard of him since then"

"Well text him then!" she exclaimed "I dont know" "Oh come on y/n you gotta do it, you are so smitten by him already and you never meet anyone"

"Lets drop this topic for tonight" you decided, sweeping the hard parts under the rug for now.

"Fine, let's go down and get the party started for real" she beamed sensing not to push you further right now.

"Yes please"

She giggled, hooking your arm with hers as you went down the sketchy stair to the club area, the night club you needed.

You were deep in your cups which was why you weren't sure if you actually saw who you thought you did or if you were hallucinating

"Y/n! Is that Trent??" your friend gaped making you realize it was actaully Trent and you gigggled, pulling her along with you as you tripped up to him, facing him with a bright smile

He was with a couple of friends, some you would probably recognize if it wasn't for the slight womble in your head

"Y/n??"

Trent eyed you up and down with a giant smirk, sensing your drunkness but he too were deep in his cups, immidiately dragging both you and your friend to their table.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, handing you another drink and pulling you to sit on his lap as there was limited space on the table he and a couple of his friends shared. Your friend immideately hitting it off with some of them.

"I have a rare night out" you grinned

"How convinient, I have to" he revealed, squeezing your thigh where your short dress had ridden up.

"How convinient" you smirked right back at him, your eyes dropping down to his lips a little too often

It wan't long until you couln't resist the urge to kiss him anymore. The clear part of our head would probably stop it right now because it was compliacted, you had Amelie, you couldn't just date around and bring people here and there but the rational part of your brain wasn't working right at the moment. Only wanting some sort of normality, some sort of attention tonight and Trent gladly gave it to you, so you took it.

The soft kiss turned heated, passionate and neeedy, hands grasping desperately at each other as your turned around on his lap. Only when the people around you started to make noises did you break apart for the moment, enjoying the night on his lap, his mouth on yours and hands caressing you whenever the moment allowed it. It was something completely different like this, when the kids wasn't around, when neither of you had to take the parent role, when you both were deep in your cups and didn't hold back. It was something completely different but so relieving.

He asked you out, actually asked you out. Not asking for a playdate with the kids, no. Alone, with you and it felt like the nerves would explode. You had met him for months now but it felt different after the bar meeting.

It had been heated, promising more than just parents of two friends. No, that had showed you he wanted more as well. The kisses shared, the touches ad the late, drunken question to come home with him. It all indicated that he wanted more of whatever it was between you.

You read his text again. You had agreeed on dinner in his flat. Neither of you wanted to do something public. Still it felt nerve-wracking. You hadn't been at his place before, always at yours for various reasons.

You hadn't gone home with him that night but what if he wanted something in that way tonight`?

did you want anything like that? Hell yes

How did you act with him, alone? Without being drunk

What do you wear to something like this?

You had no idea

After what felt like forever you finally emerged from your car outside of his complex, wearing sweats and a hoodie as he had told you after asking and making your way inside.

It was darn expensive, exclusive, luxaury celebrity building. You felt hella out of place, not only because of your clothes as you got escorted up to his floor. The secod you saw him though, it felt okay. The smile twinkling in his eyes as he welcomed you inside.

"This feels a bit weird" you smiled, sitting on his big comfy sofa. Stretching out your tired body on the comfortable furnitor.

Trent chuckled, pursing his lips "Well"

"Not bad" you promised "But weird, I'm not used to be alone with you. It's always the girls or the horny mums"

At that Trent couldn't contain his laughter "Horny mums?"

"Yeah you should hear them talk" you scoffed, shaking your head at them.

"I do, trust me" he chuckled, plopping down next to you in the sofa with two glasses of wine. "I just choose to ignore them most of the time" he smiled, handing you one of the glasses.

Your eyebrows raised as you turned to him with an unimpressed look "most of the times?"

"Well yeah, I mean I did not ignore you, did I?" he teased, showing his beutiful smile. Your eyes rolled "no but I'm not talking about how hot it would be to be fucked by a footballer or how perfect your back looks to scratch"

"Why don't you though?"

You choke on the wine you sipped, spluttering it out in your lap as you tried to contain yourself with laughter You looked at him deadpan, "you want me to?"

His shoulders shrugged and his face pulled a grimace, smirking at your flustered state "I wouldn't mind it"

"Really?" you hummed, looking at him from under your lashes while sipping your wine. Gaining your confidenece back "Oh Trent, I wanna scratch your back while you fuck me so hard" you ironized with a high-pitched voice.

Trent laughed, raising his glass towards you "Take away the irony and we are home"

You couldn't help but give him a bright smile, leaning your head towards him before straightening up to do your real performance. His eyes followed you amusedly as he watched you clear your throat before you repeated "Oh Trent, I wanna scratch your back while you fuck me so hard" but only this time you tried to make it sound real, moaning out the words with an additional moan afterwards.

Trent's amused face dropped slightly as you smirked at him "Better?" "Mhm" he nodded, giving you an impressed look "Wow, that's actually wild" he hummed causing you to laugh at him, shaking your head at his dramatics "That explains how you women are so good at faking things"

You hummed, nodding "Sure but you can hear a clear difference from an fake moan and a real moan"

Trent hummed, pouting his lips in thought "well sure"

You pursued tour lips "Do you know the differences?" Trent shrugged "Sometimes, I think most of the times I can tell"

"Have someone ever really faked it with you?" you giggled, "Sure" Trent chuckled, internaly palming himself for revealing that to you.

"Why?" "I don't bloody know, I guess they didn't like it?"

You laughed "Oh poor Trent, are you not that talented in bed?"

He only scoffed, giving you a face that only made you laugh harder "I'm sure am talented enough"'

You giggled, crawling closer to him before settling in his lap. It didn't feel weird, you had been in this position before. You wanted to take it one step further, wanted to be with him.

"What if I need proof?" you whispered, your voicie low and all serious as he swallowed, giving you a heated gaze "Well I think we can fix that, don't you think?" "I was hoping" you smirked, immediately atttacking his lips with yours.

His hands fell on your ass, pulling you closer as your hands tangled in his curls.

Screw all the complicated shit, screw all responsibilites. You would fix it all later, talk it all through later. This wasn't bound to change anything, except it was. You felt more than you wanted to admit.

Screw the feelings, you needed him right now and he felt the same.

His hands started to undress you, flinging your hoodie off and you let him but when his hands left your boobs and started to tease your underwear you stopped him.

"Hey" you mumbled, immideately grabbing his attention, brown eyes searching yours for any signs that he'd crossed the line.

You gently stroke his neck, smiling at his attentive expression. "Did I do something?" he asked softly, relief filling his body as you shook your head. "No no, I just-" you began, looking away from his intense gaze

"What?" he murmured, gently angling your face so that you looked at him again.

Your face felt warm as he looked at you "I-I just haven't had sex in.... forever" you admited shyly

"Forever? you do have a kid, right?"

You giggled loving how he tried to ease the embarrsament as your lips graced his shoulder. "A year" you clarified, looking away from his face as he raised his eyebrows in supriese "Really, wow I feel like i've been in a dryspell forever but a year... I would've alredy have cum now"

You giggled again, hiding your embaressment in admitting this to your lext lay but Trent was different. It wasn't just some hook-up, it was Trent. Someone you already had found a liking towards. Someone you felt comfortable with and trusted, someone you didn't feel embarrassed around.

He kept a loving smile on his face, kissing your cheek sweetly before speaking again. "It's nothing, as long as you want this we can take it as slowly as you want to and if you don't, we don't" he mumbled softly against the soft skin of your shoulder.

"I want to, just... take it slow" you breathed out, his head noddding in recognition as he continued his ministrations on your neck and collarbone. Leaving marks like a teenager would on your sensitive skin. It made you giggle, plafully pushing him away but he just gave you his millon-dollar grin and continued, knowing you liked it.

You started to ease into it. Not feeling as stiff anymore as you moved your body against his, making him let out an apreciative sound. "Yeah?" he mumbled, a word so short but still so hot to hear from his lips.

His hand creeped down your sweatpants, gently teasing the hem of your underwear, tripping under the waistband only to crawl back up. It was all a part of his slow show and you started to realise what you had really asked him.

You kissed him sweetly, passionately but soft. Searching his mouth with yours, hands grasping on his broad shoulders, slowly creeping down to finally feel his gorgously sexy abs.

His breath fanned your jaw as he watched your face every movement, only slipping his hand into your panties for real when you made strong eye-contact with him, pleadig with your eyes for him to keep going.

And keep going he did, finally lettig his fingers stroke over your swollen clit. His fingers moved expertisely, knowing exactly where it would feel the best and where to be to drive your mind absolutely crazy and needy.

He was so focused on your face as you let him play with you, enjoying it way to much to ever ask him to stop.

When your mind started to function again you let your hand slip under the waistband of his calvins. Quickly wrapping around his hard dick to give him some attention as well. Too soaked up in your own for quiet some time already.

He didn't complain, his eyes closing briefly and a hard breath escaping his open lips as you stroked him firmly. Trying to focus on him whilst he brought you to the edge, slipping two fingers inside of you.

Your body had gotten completely loose now. Moving on it's own accord, not caring anymore, not controlled by nerves but pleasure.

He could see exactly when your orgasm started to climb to it's top. Not daring to stop as your voice pleaded him not to. Your hand stopped aroud his dick, unable to focus as your orgasm washed over you. The sounds you let out fell deaf on your own ears, not to Trent's who only got harder as your body shook, fingers slowly retreating as you came down. Not wanting to overstimulate you at this state.

"Okay?" he smiled softly, the giggle you let out sounded free and happy "more than okay" you smiled, leaning up to kiss his lips lovingly. Hand resuming it's pace on his hard cock.

Soon enough you tugged at his boxers, wanting them off, wanting him inside of you.

He let you do what you wanted, helping to take off his boxers as he helped you out of your sweatpants. His hands gently cupped your breasts over your brah as you looked at each other. "You sure you want this?" he hummed, needing the consent "Yes, you?" you hummed back softly, "All I wanted to do since I first saw you" he consented, bringing a smile on your lips as he guided his tip to your entrance.

He rubbed oer your sensitive nerves, giving you time to relax again from the initional reaction to feeling his dick against the place you wanted him.

"Relax yeah?" he hummed softly, kissing over your chest, smiling against your skin as you complied. Relaxing your body against the soft material.

He fially pushed the tip in, your breath catching in your throat at the stretch. His lips a nice distraction, your arms wrapping around his shoulders as he kissed you passionately. Breathing in and swallowing your sounds.

It felt like an enternity until he finally stopped, fully inside you. You panted against his lips, trying to take in the feeling of complete blizz.

Fuck you had missed this

"Move" you breathed, his hips immediately following your words as he slowly started to thrust inside of you. Taking it slow as promised but it felt just as good as anything else. It wasn't about fucking the life out of you, it would be time for that later. No this was about connecting, making eachother feel pleasure and love and wow did he manage well.

You felt like all you could do was moan and whine, your body writhing on the soft cushions as he gave you all he had, rolling his hips into yours, filling you completely with each deep thrust.

He reached places you didn't even remembered you could or knew. It felt like you were floating on a cloud as his mouth found your skin again.

"Fuck I'm sorry" he breathed harshly on your jaw as he kissed his way up

"What?"

"I-I'm gonna cum" he breathed making you giggle out a moan "Fuck do it"

His fingers found your clit, gently stroking the sensitive nub as he quickened his pace slightly. His hips started to jerk as he got closer to his release, soon coming to an complete stop as he came, taking you with him in the blizz.

It felt like you blacked out. Letting your eyes fall close as he slipped of to the bathroom, helping you clean up and change clothes to sleep. He didn't bother making you brush your teeth or go to the toilet. You were already half-asleep so he just crawled down into the bed again. Kissing your shoulder and whispering soft praise for you as you drifted off to sleep in his comfortbale bed and warm embrace.

Awkvardness settled in your body as you looked down on the steeming hot cup of coffe he'd just handed you.

He looked as free as a bird, not an ounce of regret or questionmarks visable in the way he moved around the kitchen

You didn't regret it but now the hard conversation were bound to happen, the conversation you'd dreaded since you started to feel something about him. But again, he didn't look cornered at all, he looked the oposite to you and that also made you question this, question his feelings.

It wasn't long until he broke the silence, turning to you with an look you couldn't really decide if it was scolding, angry or amused. Maybe something inbetween it all.

"Why are you awkvard?"

He popped the question, just like that, cornered you even more than you already felt as you squirmed on the tall bar stool you sat on at his kitchen island.

"I'm not" you tried but he only chuckled, giving you a soft smile. "This dosen't have to be as hard as you make it out in your head"

"I dosen't?" you half mocked him but he stood his ground, shaking his head "No, it dosen't. I really like you" he stated, like it was the easiest thing ever to say

"And I think you like me too so what's the problem? Our kids already love eachother so why just not take it slowly, ease into it with them, keep it on the low, see eachother more and then move forward step by step. It dosen't have to be that hard. I'm sure of my feeling, it's not something casual or temporary"

You sat quite for a while "Well when you say it like that it sounds like the easiest thing in the world"

Trent chuckled, coming loser to you "It's not the easiset thing in the world but I like you too much to not give this a try"

You smiled leaning over the island to kiss him gently "I like you" you mumbled against his lips, feeling them curl into a smile against yours.

Sundays couldn't get better than this, the sun was out, mood happy and the birds were singing. Trent's hand in yours made a warmth spread in your chest. The girls ran in front of you, playing tag in a fit of giggles.

The soft morning had woken you up in the right mood, waking up alongside Trent was bound to wake you up in a good mood. Early morning sure but the way Tren't had made love to you first thing after waking up made your mood hit the good roof.

"I love this" you hummed, watching up at his beutiful smile under the baseball cap he'd pushed down over his curls, not wanting to be recognised.

You'd made it official, but not public. He had asked you to be his girlfriend one late night in front of the tv, cozied up together on the sofa. It had been only one clear answer on your tongue and since then things had changed for the better.

The worry of affecting your kids had been one that had proved not to be a problem, the girls already concidering the other best friends. Trying to explain had been a bit harder the girls not completely undestanding why they spent so mch time together at eachothers houses but they loved it neitherless.

"Me too" Trent hummed, glancing up at the girls "And I love you" he continued, turning to you again, tilting your head up to gently kiss you, a kiss you couldn't help but to smile into, holding his chin gently as he kissed you softly, intimately.

"Daddy!" "Mommy!"

You broke apart, giggling as you turned to your kids "Why is your daddy snogging my mommy!" Amelie protested but Ella only giggled making Amelie start to.

"Where have you learnt that word?" you asked her pointedly, her eyes blinking up at you "Trent told me it" she defended before they were off again.

"You taught her the word snogging??" you turned to him with a scoff "What?!" he exclaimed "The girls were using the word fucking so I told them not to say that and to say snog instead, choose your word woman!" he defended making you laugh "Okay okay, snogging is much better than fucking"

"Exactly" he smiled in victory as you continued to walk.

You'd never felt this kind of peace before in your life. It had always been something, something unsettling. But right now, right now it felt like peace, like nothing was hard or confusing. Everything was clear and you were happy, happiest you'd ever been.

And it all felt like it was coming together, peace had finally landed.

#trent alexander arnold imagine #trent alexander arnold #footballer imagine #trent x reader #trent alexander arnold x reader #footballer fanfiction #footballer fanfic #england nt #liverpool #trent alexander arnold fanfic #trent alexander arnold fanfiction #trent alexander arnold smut #trent alexander arnold fluff #trent alexander arnold angst

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cosmicjoke · 6 days ago

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I wanted to talk about Erwin a little bit, too.

Erwin obviously started out and originally joined the SC with the motivation of wanting to prove his father's theory about the outside world right, as a way to assuage his own guilt for getting him killed. That was Erwin's reason for joining the SC, and he realized the difference between him and everyone else on his first mission. That everyone else had joined because they wanted to save humanity. Then, when Erwin became Commander, he realized it was now his responsibility to put his own, personal ambitions aside and fight for humanity, too, to do everything in his power to achieve the goal of humanity's victory. The problem for Erwin was, underneath that sense of duty, was his personal dream, always eating away at him, a festering guilt compounded by the mounting guilt rooted in a sense that he was lying to his comrades. And in a way, of course, Erwin was, because it was never humanity's victory that Erwin cared most about, but his own, personal dream. Still, he was able to push that dream aside for as long as he did and lead with what was best for humanity in mind, largely I think because achieving his personal dream and achieving humanity's victory aligned with one another. What advanced his dream also advanced humanity's victory. That started to change during the Uprising arc, though, when we see the achievement of the two, separate goals start to finally diverge.

Erwin knowingly makes two choices which are, in fact, detrimental to humanity's cause. First, the military coup of the government, which Erwin admits to Zackly is probably not in humanity's best interests, and then, when he refuses to stay behind for the mission to retake Wall Maria, knowing he's likely to be killed during the mission. This is subsequently where Levi starts to genuinely doubt Erwin's altruistic intentions.

For the first time, we see Erwin's personal dream beginning to interfere with his duty as Commander of the Survey Corps, and indeed, his dream is beginning to win out as Erwin's priority, with Erwin making choices to advance his dream rather than advancing humanity's victory.

I've spoken enough times about Levi's decision and why it's important to understand the ways in which Erwin's dream was becoming a corrupting influence on him in order to understand why Levi made the choice he did. No, it wasn't Levi placing Erwin over humanity. I won't go into it again, but if you want to read my analysis of that scene specifically, you can do so here:

It's just funny to me that so many people still don't see how close to the precipice Erwin was, and how that obviously played a major factor in why Levi made the choice he did. Erwin was already struggling with making the right choice, unable on his own to give up his dream to uphold his duty as Commander. He needed Levi to do that for him. So what do people think would have happened to Erwin if he'd actually achieved his dream? Do they think his sense of guilt and self-loathing would have magically disappeared and he would have been able to continue on without issue in the role that led to his psyche being torn apart in the first place? Do they think Erwin discovering it was all for nothing, that instead of finding the answers to humanity's victory, they instead discovered a hostile world that wanted them all dead, was somehow going to spur Erwin on to becoming an even more determined and visionary leader? I think that grossly underestimates the fractured mental state Erwin was in leading up to the RtS arc, and it grossly underestimates the importance of Erwin's dream in keeping him functional. I don't think Erwin ever wanted the responsibility of being Commander, but he took the role on specifically because he knew it would get him closer to his dream. Only once he was in that role, he was saddled with yet more guilt, because he realized all these people under his command expected him and trusted in him to do what was best for humanity, and believed that was his only ambition, all while, deep down, he knew his own, personal dream was what was actually driving him.

Without that dream to keep him going, as Kenny said, what would Erwin have left? The guilt he felt over his father's death would maybe be resolved, but then he would be left with the guilt of knowing he sacrificed all those lives for nothing. I think Levi understood that, after finally being able to let his dream go and become the leader everyone believed him to be, to drag Erwin back into that role would only exacerbate his sense of guilt and self-loathing, would only fracture his mind further, to know he got to achieve his dream, but that all the soldiers that had died under his command did so for that and that alone. There was no answer to humanity's victory, as Erwin led all of them to believe there would be, but only a tighter corner they found themselves pushed into.

Erwin getting to realize his dream would have undone his absolution and redemption. It would have taken away the solace he was able to find in letting go of his dream to fulfill his duty as Commander. The solace he'd been able to find in telling himself he was able to do so. He would have gotten what he wanted, and been saddled with the horror of knowing it was achieved through the deaths of hundreds upon hundreds of soldiers who gave their lives believing, under his promise, it was for something else entirely. And I think that would have completely destroyed Erwin's mind. He either would have become a monster, like Floch wanted him to be, losing his humanity to his overwhelming guilt, perhaps becoming someone willing to do anything to make sure the soldiers that died under his command hadn't done so for nothing, or he would have become a broken shell of a man, mentally and emotionally ruined and no longer able to lead properly.

I think that's what Levi feared would happen to Erwin, which is why he says what he does to Floch, about how Erwin would have had to become a devil. And I think Levi understood fully, then, that a devil isn't what humanity needed. He understood that humanity's victory would depend on someone who had hope for it, who had hope in the possibility of humanity's victory, and a belief in something good still being possible. And that's where Armin factored in. Armin had all of those things. He had hope for humanity. He believed still that something good could be achieved, that beauty could be found, and that's reflected in the purity of his own dream. It wasn't something he relied upon or needed to keep him going. It wasn't something he struggled to let go of when pitted against his duty as a soldier. It was a dream rooted in hope and a belief in the future, in wanting others to experience the beauty of the world.

Erwin was without hope just before he died, and his own dream was anything but pure, wrapped up as it was in his guilt and his desperation to escape it. It's realization wouldn't have left Erwin feeling absolved. Instead, I think, it would only have crushed any possibility of hope out of Erwin for good. And that would have been a disaster for humanity.

#Erwin Smith #Levi Ackerman #Armin Arlert #attack on titan #shingeki no kyoujin #meta #commentary #analysis

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stillsolo · 3 months ago

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although i normally like to separate my headcanons by verses (modern/sw), i’ll be going with sw only for consistency this time.

NAME: han solo / han ‘jonash e.’ solo NICKNAME(s): captain, general, scruffy-looking, nerfherder. han has a particular fondness for nicknames, especially when they come from strangers or casual acquaintances. it isn’t out of any desire for familiarity or a closer connection—far from it. the truth is, the fewer people who know, hear about, and remember his real name, the better. it’s a layer of anonymity that keeps him comfortably one step ahead. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: timeline dependent. single. GENDER: cis male. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: pansexual. giving him a label only because i have to. han is unabashed in what he likes, and he’s open to pretty much anything, be it men, women, enbies, aliens etc. PREFERRED PET NAMES: n/a. the occasional endearment or pet name is fine, maybe even welcomed if it’s the right person. however, if that nickname / pet name ever starts to fully replace his real name, it’s a different matter entirely lol han will quickly grow to resent it, preferring instead to hear his name or, better yet, no nickname at all!

OPINION ON TRUE LOVE: han doesn’t believe in “true love” and there is no way to convince him otherwise. you’re either gullible or stupidly naïve if you believe in it. his deep-seated mistrust of anything intangible, anything he can’t see or feel for himself, defines much of his character and disposition, so until he experiences “true love” firsthand—a prospect he’d probably instinctively fight against—he’ll remain unconvinced. OPINION ON LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: again, han’s beliefs are grounded in experience. he’s never known what it’s like to fall in love at first sight and his tendency to keep people at a distance—whether intentional or not—places love and romance at the very bottom of his priorities. this isn’t exactly a very welcoming mindset, y’know? however, i will say he might concede to the magic of second glances. in other words, although the notion of “love at first sight” ultimately remains dumb and bewildering to him, he might find himself seeing someone in a new light after some time has passed, which is about as close as han will ever get to the notion of “love at first sight”. HOW ‘ROMANTIC’ ARE THEY?: this isn’t the first time i’ve grappled with this question, though it has been a few years since i last attempted to answer it. my core beliefs remain unchanged, but i’ll admit that my perspective has broadened over time. while han solo might not initially strike one as the most romantic guy out there, i’ve come to view him as one of the more romantic characters in the franchise—albeit from a certain point of view. consider his actions, from daring rescue attempts to insanely self-sacrificing stunts: 1) facing the empire to rescue a captured princess, 2) at the end of anh, when he pivots the falcon, he endangers himself, his ship, and his best friend, all to save some wet-behind-the-ears farmboy 3) riding out ALONE into a dangerous blizzard, armed only with his tauntaun, minimal gear, and with night falling fast, to search for luke, his totally platonic ‘guy friend’. han’s behavior in the first two films alone speaks volumes about the man he truly is and the lengths he’ll go to for the people he cares about. this, despite his best efforts to convince everyone and their frickin’ moms—and maybe even himself—that he’s only in it for the money / himself / XYZ-excuse. the stark contrast between his words and his actions is honestly confusing as hell but kinda super endearing if you ask me. i really want to say more, but i might just make a separate post about this topic if anyone’s interested in reading it lol

IDEAL PHYSICAL TRAITS: this is a tough question to pin down when han isn’t looking for that. he isn’t even the type to actively seek out a partner unless it’s for a one-night stand, and those are rare—so rare, in fact, that he could count those encounters on one hand. trust issues run deep with han, and given his line of work, physical attraction alone isn’t worth the risk of putting himself in a vulnerable position—and i mean that quite literally okay, okay, sorry, back to the point: physical appearances don’t matter much to him. the most i can say is that (alien) humanoids are the best case scenario, but even that isn’t a hard and fast rule. what he does appreciate is a pretty face, regardless of whether it belongs to a man or a woman.

IDEAL PERSONALITY TRAITS: honesty and loyalty are non-negotiable. they’re the bedrock of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. if a person can’t offer him these two basic essentials, then as far as he’s concerned, they’re not worth his time. everything else is just icing on the cake. han values people who are adaptable, independent, open-minded, genuine, spirited, decisive, and expressive. UNATTRACTIVE PHYSICAL TRAITS: when it comes to body type, han isn’t looking for an armful of skin and bones, but he’s also not interested in getting crushed by someone with jabba’s physique... height isn’t much of a factor, either. look, if they can handle themselves and keep up with him in a tight spot, then they’ve got his attention, okay? UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS: han isn’t much different from the next guy. traits like cruelty, pretentiousness, and manipulation are instant red flags. but if there’s one thing han absolutely cannot and will not tolerate, it’s someone trying to control him or dictate how he should think and feel. given his upbringing and the years he spent under the oppressive thumb of an emotionally + physically abusive parental figure, it’s understandable—though deeply rooted in past trauma—that he bolts at the first sign of someone trying to exert control over him. lastly, narrow-mindedness / close-mindedness is notably unappealing to him as well. corellians have a reputation for being worldly and open to new experiences for a good reason, as their adventurous spirit and hunger for the stars led to the invention of the modern hyperdrive. to han, narrow-minded / close-minded views aren’t just unattractive, they’re a glaring mismatch with the very core of who he is.

IDEAL DATE: ‘dates’ are so far removed from canon!han that i just kinda sat around thinking about this for way too long lol first off, this is super timeline dependent. overall, han doesn’t do dates—not in the traditional sense. with him, dates are so casual they barely qualify as dates at all. unless he’s genuinely falling for someone, you’d be hard-pressed to get him to agree to a one-on-one outing that feels like anything more than a casual hangout. admittedly, he might not even realize what he’s doing. the truth is, han avoids anything that could lead to the kind of solidified promise a real relationship demands—and no, commitment isn’t the issue, it’s everything that comes with it. the idea of meeting their friends, their parents, moving in together, planning for their shared future… it all feels like a slow march toward an inevitable crossroads: either break up or get married. neither of those outcomes sit well with him. ofc, this is until someone lovely comes by to make him want a future with them p: DO THEY HAVE A TYPE?: han is the sort of man who likes learning to love the unique aspects of his partner, the little things that set them apart from a sea of faces. but if i had to pin down his ideal type, it would be someone who can match him in every sense—quick-witted in conversation and just as sharp in a fight ( an “ordinary citizen” would either bore him or scare him ). he’s captivated by those who bring excitement and spirit to the table, someone who thrives on adventure and isn’t afraid of the unpredictable turns life tends to take. independence is key. han values someone who can stand on their own two feet, who doesn’t rely on him for every little thing. if they lean on him too much, or expect him to be their rock at every turn, that’s one surefire way to push him away. in short, even if he cares for them, if they can’t adapt to his lifestyle—let’s be real, settling down isn’t exactly on his to-do list—he’ll cut ties, believing it’s best for both of them. han is always on the move, and anyone who can’t keep up is bound to get left behind.

AVERAGE RELATIONSHIP LENGTH: good luck getting him to even consider using a label, let alone willingly. PREFERRED NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY: the list is extensive: cuddling, napping, hugging, cooking together, eating together, basically spending quality time together doing XYZ!!! but it’s important to note that unless he has very strong feelings for them or is in love, these gestures won’t come naturally to him, and he might even try to wriggle out of offers/requests with a well-timed change of subject or even abruptly remember he has something to do before frantically running away lol COMMITMENT LEVEL: i’ve talked about this several times over the years but i’ll happily say it again bc this conflation makes me go absolutely feral: han’s reputation has always been besmirched by fans who struggle to mark the difference between fiction and reality. i adore harrison, but his playboy ways back in the 80′s, bled into han’s image as a character. once han falls for someone, he becomes exceptionally loyal and deeply committed. OPINION OF PUBLIC AFFECTION: despite what many might assume, han is a fairly reserved man. in his younger days, this reservation stemmed from a entrenched reluctance to be openly vulnerable, coupled with the awareness of how dangerous it could be to flaunt a romantic interest in a world where potential threats lurked at every corner. when he’s older, particularly after the events of ROTJ and beyond, this wariness evolves into a personal preference for privacy. at this stage in his life, he’s general han solo, the dude who helped bring down an empire. the spotlight is something han never quite grows accustomed to, and it grates on him more than he cares to admit. public displays of affection are minimal, limited to holding hands or, at most, a quick kiss on the cheek. PAST RELATIONSHIPS?: well, uh, y’see,..,

tagged by : @debelltio thank you for thinking of me alistair!! i rarely get tag memes anymore and i very clearly enjoy doing them lol tagging: @techniiciian @tapalslegacy @sgterso @chosesun @forcenexus @alootus @lightfaithed @duelfated & whoever else wants to do this!!

#( . as always‚ you aren't obligated to do this if i tagged you!!#˒ *｡:･ ( dash game ) *･ﾟ✧ ⎸ 𝙵𝙾𝚁𝚃𝚄𝙽𝙴 𝙵𝙰𝚅𝙾𝚁𝚂 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙾𝙻𝙳‚ 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝙸’𝙼 𝙵𝙴𝙴𝙻𝙸𝙽’ 𝙻𝚄𝙲𝙺𝚈.#˒ *｡:･ ( hc ) *･ﾟ✧ ⎸ 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙸𝙽𝚃𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙳 𝙸𝙽 𝙾𝙿𝙸𝙽𝙸𝙾𝙽𝚂‚ 𝙶𝙾𝙻𝙳𝙴𝙽𝚁𝙾𝙳.#˒ *｡:･ ( musings ) *･ﾟ✧ ⎸ 𝙰 𝙱𝚁𝙴𝙰𝙲𝙷 𝙾𝙵 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝚃𝙾𝙲𝙾𝙻.#long post ts

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swordsandfashionablehats · 4 months ago

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▛▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝▝ ▜

As Mihawk explained that it wasn't merely because of their dynamic as nakama that he couldn't abandon him, Klaus perk his head curiously. Listening intently, he was grateful, of course, but Mihawk was the serious type. He hadn't thought he was joking, but he hadn't been around the swordsman a lot ether.

"Aye, Boss. There is a patrol in this sector every six hours and forty-five minutes. Per the schedule if it's being enforced... and it should." The crocodilean man replied with surprising precision. The man was an idiot most of the time, but this seemed to be one of his useful talents of memorizing schedules and instructions. He could follow orders given to him to the word or letter... so long as he was physically capable, that is.

That, of course, meant that he memorized the coordinates that Mihawk listed off when he made his call as well. He made a note that he should probably invest in a personal Den Den Mushi in case he ended up stranded with someone who wasn't as resourceful as Mihawk... or was more willing to leave him to rot.

"Aww, Big Boss talks about lil' old me? He ain't to open about it when I'm around. Never thought him the type." Klaus replied with a grin, obviously flattered as getting praised or complimented by Crocodile was rare. Favor was more shown or rewarded on a case by case bases but it meant a lot knowing that Crocodile spoke of him in a positive way to others. That said, people showed different sides of themselves to different people. It still got his tail swishing like a happy dog, though.

"We probably have some time before we get picked up... we could trade tales until they get here? You've been out at sea a whole lot longer than me, bet ya seen some stuff... I could tell ya how I met the Big Boss if ya like? Not really a secret no more." He suggested trying to show some comradery while also helping to pass the time.

▙ ▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▖▟

@burikubato

"People talk about things when they trust no one is around."

Things that he on purpose ignored, or drowned out.

"This is how it is." He makes a point to not listen to the lizard man-child. His communication device was coughing up water. This was more of a priority for the ex-warlord, than to hear an idiot prattle on about anything. He dabs the creature's mouth and nose with a handkerchief. Even giving the creature a bit of aid to help it expel the water. It is a valid response to help it recover from the ordeal.

" Tell stories you say?"

How adorable of this man. To think I'd share mundane life events with it.

Pacing towards broken tree limbs on the beach. He turns his back towards the island's center. It is here that he slips into a seated position.

" You first. as it appears you have much to tell."

much to tell about nothing I presume.

#this is a repost due to tumblr being weird.

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ljandersen · 1 year ago

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whats ur status on sideways 👀? No joke i think abt it daily.

Thank you for reaching out, Anon! It means a lot to me, knowing that a story I wrote is thought about every day. I think about it every day, too, being the author! It's still the story I'm proudest to have written.

As for the status on Sideways, it currently exists as a hand-written, rough first draft stored in a fire-proof safe. It needs massive changes -- complete scene rewrites and a ton of new scenes (mostly for the paragon timeline). It's currently on my back burner while I focus on an original project.

All the adjustments I made editing the 750k words in Part 1-4 has culminated in a major undertaking editing Part 5.

For instance, the reason Shepard joins the Alliance on Rannoch is different after my changes in Part 4. Before, I didn't have a very good reason for her being there and, because of that peripheral role, she wasn't directly involved in a lot of the things happening. Now she's acting Counselor. She's front and center.

It's a good change, the right change, which is why I did it. However, now a lot of the plot-centric happenings, which were only heard about or referenced through another character, need full scenes with Shepard being impactful and altering the outcomes (much better than being a removed observer).

This will require several new scenes and throwing out old ones that are now unnecessary. Then I need to relocate any extra bits of vital information not in the new scene, to other places in the story.

In addition to whole new scenes, I need to majorily revise whole scenes. There's a party scene on Rannoch, which now the goal behind it and what Shepard is doing during it, has changed. That series of scenes need rewritten.

That example of Shep's purpose on Rannoch changing scenes downstream is just one -- and a mostly spoiler free one -- of the dozens of changes I need to accomodate.

Also, the paragon timeline in particular requires a lot of new writing, maybe 50 k words of new scenes (so, the equivalent of a full novel).

Toward the end of writing the first draft of Sideways, I was starting to get worn down. Writing four storylines sometimes made it feel like I was spending weeks going nowhere, because I wasn't moving forward in the main Renegade timeline. Because of that frustration and wanting to reach the end, I chose to focus less on the paragon timeline, knowing I would need to add more to it during the editing. I left myself with some major work to do on that storyline to do it justice.

All of those reasons aside, the main reason Sideways Part 5 isn't ready is because I shifted focus for the time being. I'm serializing an original sci fi series and trying to establish myself an author. I intended to do this after I finished posting Sideways, but with the emergence of AI, I don't think the opportunity will be there for me if I wait.

Visibility for writing is going to become impossible and slow human writers, like me, will be washed away under the tide of AI mega production. There's an influential author in the indie world, for example, who has stated his intention to produce 10k novels a year, on par with the big publishing houses. That's one person, who with a handful of contractors previously put out a few dozen books a year, if that many, who now intends to do 10k a year!

My opportunity to find readers is now, while AI is still clunky and not universal, before people selling a back catalog of 100k books and with the ad spending to match drive human writers out of the market.

Because of this new priority, I've had to funnel my creativity and focus into my original writing. I'm not someone who can do two things at once. I'm all in on one project at a time. That's probably apparent from my fanfic, where I've only posted one WIP at a time, start to finish before the next. I can't divide my passion on concurrent WIP.

That doesn't mean I don't think about Sideways though -- I do, daily! -- and I intend to finish it. For now, though, unfortunately, Sideways is a draft in some notebooks in a safe. It's not a simple undertaking to edit it, and I need to focus on a personal goal.

Your interest in Sideways is something I treasure, though, and appreciate beyond words. I'm so glad my story isn't forgotten. I love knowing it's still on readers' minds. It makes me feel like, what had so much meaning to me as its writer, truly must carry that meaning through to the reader, too, which is the greatest joy in sharing a story.

Thank you for taking time to check in on Sideways and for letting me know how much it still means to you.

Also, here is a picture of my new puppy as a tiny consolation for not having Sideways ready:

#my writing #ask #anon ask #on sideways

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nycolewrites · 2 years ago

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here’s an exerpt from my day 2 @zukkaweek fic which will cover both the turtleduck pond and second chances themes

Three days after the fall of Ozai, Sokka finds him by the old turtleduck pond. The air is eerily quiet, the water almost unnervingly still. Zuko isn’t focused on anything in particular, simply staring ahead of him as the leaves hang unmoving on their branches and the sun sits precariously on the horizon. This is the first break he’s had since the imprisonment of his father and sister, too busy being hauled from one meeting to the next about what to do next and ‘What color of robes do you want for your coronation, my lord?’ As if he’d be able to wear anything but red and gold.

“I can hear you thinking from across the castle. You’re gonna hurt yourself if you keep that up for too long.” The new voice startles him out of his daze, and he turns a half-hearted glare at the intruder. Sokka simply looks at him, an eyebrow raised in amusement as something else settles in his eyes. “Everyone’s looking for you, y’know. It’s rude to make people who care about you worry.”

“None of those people care about me. They were ready to help my father take over the world four days ago. My well-being isn’t really a priority of theirs, despite the facades they’re putting on for the Avatar and his friends.” Zuko turns back to the pond. A mother and her ducklings have come out from their nest to drink from it, one of the smaller ones struggling to stay upright. The sight makes him miss his mother dearly, and not for the first time he wishes she was here with him now. He hopes that he’s making her proud.

“Your friends.” Sokka’s voice is much closer than it was before, and when Zuko turns his head he finds that the other boy has made himself comfortable in the grass beside him. He’s looking at Zuko almost pityingly, but something inside him tells him that’s not the right word. Zuko stares at him, tilting his head in confusion. “We’re your friends, too, Zuko. Not just Aang’s.”

Zuko blinks, unsure of how to respond. “Um.” That probably isn’t it.

“We may have started out on different sides of the war, but what matters is where we are now. You turned against everything you ever knew because you were able to recognize the wrongs in what your family did. You taught Aang firebending, helped Katara get her closure—though I’m still not happy with your methods—and…you helped me rescue my father. You’re just as much our friend—our family as Aang is.” Sokka pauses for a moment, a soft smile overtaking his features. There’s a dimple that forms in his left cheek. Zuko wants to reach out and smooth it out with his thumb.

He blinks, mentally shaking the thought from his head. In two days he’ll be crowned his nation’s ruler. He doesn’t have time for wandering thoughts or what-ifs. Distantly, he realizes he’s been quiet too long, but when he pulls his gaze from Sokka’s lips, he finds that Sokka is looking at him just as intently. Sokka doesn’t wait for him to reply as he turns to watch the turtleduck mother try to teach her ducklings to swim. Zuko follows his gaze, not sure about the feeling that’s forming in his stomach.

“You’re worth more than the crown they want to shove on your head, Zuko. Don’t let them take from you who you truly are.”

#zukka #zukka week 2023 #zukka week #zuko #sokka #nycole writes

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ciaossu-imagines · 10 months ago

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Hi ! I'm really enjoying your blog, i'm kind of amazed at how much you're able to write !

I'm super happy to see you writing for K tbh !

Love all about it ^^

Soo, um- first ask from me !

(I don't need to say it maybe but take your time, irl first then the rest can follow)

I was wondering how Kusanagi would try to date a friend he has known for some years, without any kind of romantic feelings between them before-

And.. his crush possibly is kind of avoiding him because they're overhelmed-

(They have dated only one person before)

But they want to date him

And in the end they do end up dating ^^

(I know it's a bit specific djjdjdjjdkd)

Thank you so much in advance ^^

Take care !

((Idk how to end this message))

You're great !

I’m so glad to hear you’re enjoying the blog, my dear! Thank you so much for the compliments and for sending in the request! Specific is good, so don’t even worry about that. The more specific an ask, the easier it is to know what exactly to write. Thanks again for sending this in and I hope you’ll enjoy the headcanons 😊

Okay, so just playing this scenario out in my head, I feel this old friend of Kusanagi’s is someone he would have met during his school years, possibly high school or even university, though I lean more towards them having met in high school.

I know you said there’s been no romantic feelings between them before, but I can’t really see that entirely. I feel like this was a situation where Kusanagi would have had a silent crush on them during a time when they didn’t feel the same way towards him at all, so he did nothing to act on it. And they probably had a couple times where they kind of developed a little crush on him, but at that point, he wasn’t into them at all or was in another relationship, so his friend never acted on those feelings and did their best to get over it. It was a case of timing never matching up and really, to the both of them, their friendship was the main priority. While Kusanagi is charming and charismatic and does draw people to him, does make lots of friendly acquaintances, he makes very few true friends so when he does, those friendships do mean something to him.

While the both of them would have had feelings during their school years, just at different times, when Kusanagi went to university, which I feel he did abroad and at a really prestigious school, the both of them really did figure that it was never going to happen between them and both of them really set those feelings aside and worked past them. His friend got into their one relationship they’ve had, and as we all know Kusanagi has somewhat of a reputation as a womanizer.

Now, Kusanagi is someone who is really naturally very flirtatious. He doesn’t even mean anything by it, doesn’t actually have romantic intentions or even strong attractions to some of the people he flirts with. Flirting is just really fun to him; it’s amusing and enjoyable. And it’s likely that he’ll playfully flirt with his friend, and they’ve gotten so used to it and really don’t think he means anything by it.

And that’s before he even experiences those romantic feelings and that crush on his friend return.

It works against him in a way. When he does realize he’s seeing his friend as someone he wants to date, someone he seriously wants to be with, it’s going to take him a little bit to really process those feelings. He has to decide if he wants to potentially ruin that friendship, he has to decide if he feels they’re at all into him in return. And part of how he’s always learned to figure that out is by flirting. So, he’s flirting more with that friend than before, taking it to a new level than his previous flirting. He’ll tease them about how, when they’re out doing things and hanging out, how much fun he’s having on their ‘dates’. And because his friend is so used to him being a flirt and having that penchant for teasing someone because it amuses him, they’re not making anything of it. They don’t assume it means he’s into them.

But it does bother them on some level, because they’re also starting to feel that resurgence of their old crush on him. The flirting makes them feel so nice, but at the same time, it kind of hurts them in a way because they really want him to be saying those things to them seriously and instead they’re certain that he’s just being his usual playful self and isn’t into them at all.

It’s kind of a lot for his friend, honestly. They’re dealing with all these emotions and because Kusanagi is trying a little more seriously this time to act on his feelings, he’s being more flirty, he gives more compliments, he starts touching them more, starts taking them out more one on one or asking them on ‘dates’ and they take it as him playing around and it fucks with their mind and their feelings and so they start to avoid him a little, which makes Kusanagi assume they’re not into him at all, even when they are.

It’s not going to be a quick solution or an easy one. Kusanagi has some stubbornness to him, he’s not easily going to cave and admit feeling the way he does towards someone who is giving him all these signs that they’re not at all into him. And his friend is really struggling with their own feelings and it’s going to be a little waiting game to see who makes that next move and it really is going to have to be Kusanagi’s friend, even in subtle ways.

If they start giving him hints that they might be experiencing the same romantic intentions, that’s really all he needs because without them giving him some kind of hint as to their feeling, some positive reactions to his putting out feelers, it’s really going to go back to those ‘well, they don’t feel the same, time to finally get over this and just go back to being friends’.

If there’s enough positive reactions to both of them subtly flirting and feeling each other out, to low-key dating each other, then I can see there being that surety that will let Kusanagi have that conversation that confirms that they’re a couple and exclusive.

#replies #k project #project k #kusanagi izumo #izumo kusanagi #homra #headcanons

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bellarkeandclintashaandsuch · 1 year ago

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Be My Favorite Episode 4 Thoughts

Max is so patient with Kawi, letting him withhold the name of the person crushing on him. Also, Kawi looks so tiny here with his feet up on the bar, compared to Max's feet firmly on the ground. Max is great for him though, making him realize that he runs away from relationship problems.

I want to know why Kawi is so desperate to keep Max from going abroad. Does he know something bad happens to him? Or does he just assume he was running away and, therefore, unhappy? But I'm happy Kawi apologized and made clear that he wasn't upset that people assume they're dating. And his line about their separation feeling longer than 4/5 months? ❤️‍🩹 Kawi was pining for Pear all this time, but he was also missing his dad and his best friend so so much.

Speaking of his dad. I love that Kawi didn't keep pressing about him following up with the doctor and went for a different tactic that naturally led to his dad to making the appointment anyway.

I feel like Kawi has really settled into the time travel thing now, at least as much as he'll be able to. The first few episodes it was brand new, and so with getting the invite to Pisaeng and Pearmai's wedding and going to the pre-wedding party, that was the thing front and center in his mind. The wedding must've made all his pining and regrets regarding Pear come back in full force. Whereas he was re-confronted with his dad's death and the dissolution of his friendship with Max after starting the time travel. The pain of those things wouldn't be gone in the present, but I think that's why Pear is #1 on his priorities list. When he thought he was dreaming, the regret regarding Pear was fresh, so he focused on that. Until he got a call from his dad. And until he saw Max again. And now he's come to terms with it being real, and Pear is still first on his list, but it feels like he's being more intentional now and really trying to make amends and fix what he regrets both for himself and because it's what Max and his dad deserve.

Anywoo.

I found this exchange interesting between Pisaeng and Kawi. Because they just had that big fight, so I think that Pisaeng is trying to see if Kawi will walk back his words like he did after their initial fight in the classroom. He's clearly angry and rightfully so. But he seems disappointed by Kawi's answer. But I also thought he words were enough like their "oh do you like me?" back and forth that Kawi could've outright said no to his "do you want me to go?" and it wouldn't have been cruel. Just their normal thing. But Kawi couldn't quite bring himself to do that. And I don't know if it's because of guilt over their last interaction or because he deep down does want Pisaeng to come. Probably a little of both. Pisaeng is the only friend he has on the trip really. So he'd probably be more comfortable if he's there too.

I felt about these seniors how I felt about Kwan in episode 1. Oh, that's a nice surprise. You have to drink, but you can pick alcohol or juice. Oh, that's nice, Kwan is telling the others not to pressure Kawi into drinking. Only to be disappointed by the seniors making the men drink alcohol and Kwan calling Kawi boring because he didn't want to dance with everyone. (I'm still lukewarm on you because of this Kwan.) And then poor Kawi feels pressured to drink on the bus. He's used to closing himself off, so now, trying to immerse himself in the "uni experience," he doesn't know where or how to draw the line for himself. That's tough.

Was this a coincidence? Or did everyone in their faculty see Pisaeng and Kawi hang out like three times and decide they must be best friends? Very interested to know an outsiders perspective of what's going on with them. And then Kawi tries to convince himself he's glad Pisaeng isn't there. Keep trying, Kawi!

#be my favorite #be my favorite the series #this got long so maybe i'll post more thoughts later #i'm still frosty regarding kwan #but if she and pear end up together #both couples would be pk and pk #which would be fun #like she didn't even stop not and the seniors from listening in on her best friend #when she knew for a fact that pear likes pisaeng #i thought i had updated this yesterday but turns out i posted it without updating oops

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alyjojo · 5 months ago

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Twin Flame 🔥 Journey - June 2024 - Gemini

Your Energy:

10 Cups - 8 Wands - Knight of Swords

I’m loving your energy 💯 Mostly. You could be married to this person, or from the beginning that was the intention, you’re not playing around with them one bit. It’s like they say, “when you know, you know,” you’re drawn to this person more deeply than anyone you’ve ever been drawn to in your life (because of course) and I don’t even see hesitation when it comes to getting together with them. It’s immediate. I do see a reformed player energy going on at the bottom of the deck, so you may have dabbled in a lot (to you) of casual connections in the past that never really stuck with you. This one hits different from the moment the two of you start talking. I’m getting a lot of talking, you two could stay up all night talking about your interests together, and dirty talk specifically is coming through. The connection is PASSIONATE 💋, likely mind-blowing, nothing has ever or will ever be like this one. Checks every box. But…

The downside on your side is some leftover immaturity probably, or jumbled priorities. Sports is here, friends are *the* most important thing, rather than your person - who this reading shows is absolutely the one, in your mind, there’s no doubt about that. There could be some conflicts between you though in regards to giving other people more weight in your life/decisions or attention than your person, you could be asking outside advice for things that are no one’s business, or your person could be much more private than you. If hobbies take up all of your time, your person could have an issue with all of this outside stuff, what about just…you two? You may value the physical over the emotional and deep intimacy may be lacking because of this.

Oracles:

ASCENDING 🎈

- Learning & Expansion

- Transcending

- Preparing for Union

- New Phase

69 Precision

The desire to do things precisely is useful as long as it does not revolve into rigidity.

63 Passion

It will take passion for you to push through your self-criticism to get to a place of confidence.

Messages:

- Sports Fanatic! 🏏

- My friends are more important than you.

Their Energy:

The Magician - Ace of Swords - 6 Swords

I really like their energy too. You’re probably the one in charge of the money, or you need to be 🤭 If they make it, they spend it as fast as it comes in, or worse - racking up debt with no money; and if they don’t well…they still spend it faster than it’s coming in. I don’t think this person knows what a savings is, or how to, they have big dreams and spontaneous wants/desires that *someone* has to pay for. They have a tendency to think big, and have a positive outlook on how things will work out for the best, that probably serves them well. I get them being very convincing with this Magician energy, and they’re more liable to get what they want than not, they’re the kind of person to move a mountain in order to make shit happen - and leave you wondering how they did it. Could be another Gemini/air sign, they’re not the best with money and it’s a driving factor of their focus & unhappiness (which is their own fault, for most).

They could want to move, maybe that’s something the two of you are discussing, 4 Wands at the bottom may be buying a home or moving in together. Getting engaged. That could be an issue if you’re not interested in marrying their debt, you know? They’re great! 10/10, you’re the one, but…pay your shit, that’s what’s coming through with Debt, Risk at the bottom, conflict between you or just internally even. Big ideas are great but like…it needs practical application. Some of them are trying to pay off debt or deal with some financial legal issues, they could even have creditors coming after them. Not all of them are at fault for this, but some definitely are.

That kind of makes the next part hard to justify, but they’re tired of the same old thing and are constantly seeking ways to make things new, different. They could be seeking to run away from their problems, which of course they wouldn’t see that way, but if they’re trying to convince you to move to another country that’s essentially why. Move away from their problems and start fresh. They want that with you too, if there has been conflict between you, they would rather apologize and leave the drama behind you, starting fresh. New place, new home, there’s heavy “home” energy here. Their intentions are good, though they’re not the most realistic, and you could see them as more of a risk than an equal partner you can rely on…quietly, of course. For now.

Oracle:

ABUNDANCE 💰

- Positive Mindset

- Manifest

- Gratitude & Bliss

- Blessings

5 Pitch

Be as clear, concise, and professional as you can be when you explain your ideas to potential associates.

26 Accomplishment

Remember past accomplishments as a way to overcome present self-doubt.

Messages:

- Debt 💸

- Pet Lover 🐹

Mutual Energy/What is Mirrored:

The Hermit - King of Pentacles - The Sun

I’ve never gotten this advice for someone before. This is calling you the runner, with The Runner at the bottom of the oracles, and saying that you need to run. With the charm, I don’t think you literally need to walk away, but they’re saying you’re doing really well on your own and you need to worry about you - period. They need to figure out their own issues. King of Pentacles is being shown as you, someone responsible, solid, hardworking, you’ve built a stable foundation for yourself and need nothing external to yourself and your own efforts with 9 Pentacles. You feel completely secure on your own and meet/exceed your own responsibilities and expectations. Aka this person IS the risk you fear they are. For some you may have to actually walk away.

Now with the Golden Mirror, it says Narcissist and I’m sure people see that like whaaat, but I’m not getting that at all for this person. There would be way more of an ominous energy, and there isn’t. Traits maybe. Immaturity yes. Lack of responsibility yes. With this card it’s more about the entitled, I want what I want *when* I want it - with no regard to logic or consequences. Optimistic and almost childlike in enthusiasm…and practicality. And one-sided, because you’re expected to fulfill these desires, they certainly can’t. If they are and you know it, then you do. I’m just saying if I saw that I’d call it out and I don’t. Because this is mutual you may both think this about the other, or rather that you’re both self-absorbed, and…yeah. You are. The clover 🍀 here shows that as a good thing and you kinda need to be. If they’re insistent upon how they want things, they need to figure out how to make that happen. You have to worry about your own thing, and more than anything in this mutual area, are your fears and feelings coming to light. Especially financially. Because you have no desire to tie yourself to this person, not on a contract of any kind, and it looks like you have good reason, though they may think you’re selfish. No. With The Sun, this all needs to come to light, how much pressure is on you and the fact that you can’t continue this way, there’s no equal in this connection and needs to be if this is going to be successful. The Hanged Man shows this being a shift in perspective for you both, because I do see a very strong tie and commitment to each other, but the Twin “separation” period is 100% due to finances and this person needing to get more on your page, pay their debts, handle their business, and then later on sure…move in together or what have you. Is it a definite no, of course not, but right now - absolutely not ❤️ For your own sake.

Oracle:

THE GOLDEN MIRROR 🪞

- Narcissist

- Love Bombing

- Self-Absorbed

- One-Sided

71 Free Associate

Allow the first thing that comes into your mind, without self-censorship, to bestow a vision on you.

34 Stuck

You may be stuck because you are overly attached to a method or piece.

Possible Signs:

Gemini, Aquarius, Pisces, Cancer, Leo & Virgo

Charms:

Tennis 🎾 on Sports Fanatic (you) could be the particular sport you love, I’m also getting cricket, pickleball, racquetball, and any of those sorts - whether watching, playing, etc. Sports could simply be talking about a hobby you’re obsessed with to the point of getting in the way of your relationship - per them.

Clover 🍀 on 9 Pentacles (mutual) is your best chance, where you have luck, your good fortune is what you’ve built on your own and you’re needing to separate yourself from this person, their ideas and debts, and really think hard about what is most beneficial for YOU, your career, your goals and desires, and especially your bank account. If there’s a conflict I’d assume you’re probably right and it’s probably about finances.

Heartbreak 💔 (rev) on Free Associate shows no actual heartbreak, no breakups, no major endings. More like change and transformation is needed, time apart, inner reflection is what you both need more than anything else. They need a major perspective shift, and while you can guide them and suggest things you can’t make them and it’s also not your problem. If they want to move in together and you don’t, this is why. If they want to buy a house or get married and you don’t, this is why. They need to hear that from you 💯 And then take control of their situations if they really want what they say they want, it’s on them. You handle you.

#Gemini #twin flame #june 2024 #twin flame reading #astrology #tarot reading #runner #chaser #trigger #karma #spirituality

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nahalism · 8 months ago

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Have you ever beaten yourself down or felt defected because you couldn’t uphold a routine?

I am going through something like this now. I see people around me who, of course to varying degrees (but some excell in) getting their diet, sleep schedule, studying/working, exercising routine in check, having a plan. And whenever i try, for the love of me, i just cannot uphold it. I can’t be consistent, my brain just doesn’t work like this but i keep hearing that it has improved peoples’ lives so much, developing a routine and sticking to it. And i know me not having one is probably not in my favor (studying whenever i have the ”inspiration” to because otherwise my brain just shuts off no matter how i try to trick myself instead of regularly and smooth sailing through assignments as a result) can’t go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day INCLUDING WEEKENDS can’t eat regularly. So i try to improve myself and chase this but all it does is reflect to me that i am just not able to and it makes me feel even worse about myself. And i personally know people who ARE able to do all of that and i can see it pays off in so many ways, in their life. My thoughts get in the way, my feelings get in the way and they make me pretty much not functional for periods of time and i am not sure if these people experience the exact same „wall” and they consistently push through it or if maybe my wall is just a big higher and stronger than theirs sometimes. I feel like my brain is against me, truly. (Probably relevant to mention that i do have some mental problems overall which could be affecting all i mentioned and the way i function, it still feels so defeating to me)

such a long message, i am sorry. i hope you are love lately x

hey beautiful <3. my reply will be equally as long if not longer so no need to be sorry :)

yes. lol just, yes. ive been through the exact same feelings that you describe and even though i struggle less now, i struggle less only as a consequence of my ability to be kinder and more tolerant of myself, not because ive magically changed into someone different. — ill try to explain what i did to help but ill be honest, theres only ever been one solution for me which is to do the work. its hard, its lonely, no one comes to help, or to save you, they even stop pretend ing to care. people will try to support you, but despite best intentions may fall short or lack the capacity to give you what you actually need. so you have to be the one. you have to carry yourself over the finish line, often at the cost losing things, people and parts of yourself that you think you love and cant do without (its soul wrenching but worth the initial discomfort, i promise). every breakthrough is hard earned and often doesnt even feel like the cherry on the top that its supposed to be. so the only way to find the will to keep going is to enjoy the challenge of the journey and learn to love what choosing to 'carry your own cross' is developing in you.

1) the first thing i had to do was make that cross worth carrying for myself. not because id been told to do it, had to do it, or because 'self care' is important, but because I was priority enough to myself that i found the willpower to see it though. to make that possible i had to understand why i was my number one priority, and then make my actions reflect that. it sounds heroic but it looked like excavating my soul, saying no to anything i didnt want to do, and anything i did out of obligation. that included essays, exams, my job, friends, family. maybe that sounds extreme but i realised that all those things meant nothing if the person who was meant to be showing up for them didnt want to be alive/was in anyway unhealthy, or was so dysfunctional that they showed up as a semi sane version of themselves. my whole personality was a trauma response, and even despite the trauma i had to look at what i was doing to create the circumstances i was unhappy with. going from responding unconsciously to consciously choosing my actions was brutal. all of this sounds empowering but it often looks and feels shambolic & looks like being a fuck up. i literally appeared to the outside world like someone who had gone off the edge and was failing at life. for context, making the choices im talking about led to me retaking a year at uni, being a ghost to everyone and everything in my life, having panic attacks every night because despite feeling like i was doing the right thing i had no evidence it would work and no idea how id make it out & all this lasted for way after i graduated so people were looking at me crazy :). HOWEVER, its also how i learned to draw, how i restored my relationship with myself, how i found the passion and excitement to work toward a goals i had set (not the ones set for me). i also became confident for the first time in my life. like actualll self esteem and self knowledge. i hated being seen or perceived due to things id been through, and still struggle with that now tbh. so when i look at the fuller version of myself im embodying today, the multiple ways ive put myself outside of my comfort zone, (and the versions of me i know are to come) i know that the first steps began with following my gut and taking that initial leap of faith that honoured the truth of who i felt myself to be, not the pattern id been following/living in.

2) that first step is important cause when what you do what matters to you, you gain a different willpower (aka passion) that fuels what you do and why you do it. i spent my whole childhood with e.d's and unable to consistently work out/find working out pleasurable. however once i built a relationship with myself and understood what a body was and why it deserved my respect, working out stopped being about the pressure to be a fine babe, and about desiring mobility, full function of my vehicle and longterm health. i say that to say, sometimes its not that your undisciplined, but that your trying hard at the wrong things. (an undisciplined or inconsistent person doesn't keep trying at things despite failing time and time again...). another way to look at it is — a goat is not meant to be a sheep, nor a sheep a goat. theres nothing wrong with being either, but you have to know which you are. (this takes us back to point one: are the things you put pressure on yourself to do/be/accomplish, authentic to you or are you imposing them of yourself because of pressure/expectation/superficial reasons). if its the later, you cannot wait till you have the answers to change the direction your moving in. you have to pivot, take the next step in the direction that feels purposeful and deeply honest to you, and trust that even though you cant see the whole path, the next step will be revealed as you continue to walk forward. the mental illness doesnt go away, but it fades as your tolerance increases. its not meant to be easy, if you can remember that then you'll be okay.

3) you dont have to do it perfectly. you just have to do it. over time, ive had routines w/ varying success. my overarching interests, goals/priorities are the same, but they fluctuate which means i can struggle with consistency and seeing things through (not cause i dont want to be consistent but i feel like i change so rapidly as a person that i almost forget why i set certain goals for myself and why building the routine/proficiency in skill was important to me in the first place). in this sense, its hard to accomplish a goal if you dont relate to the version of yourself you were when you set it. so part one to this point is, i have to use my quirks to my advantage. i know that i tend to cycle through my interests every 3 months ish. so, i set goals that can be accomplished in 3 month cycles rather than over the course of a year. in doing that i achieve small steps toward the larger, more diverse vision of my life i have for myself, meaning i could have one goal - lets say financial freedom - and 3 projects over the course of 9 months that feed into that goal. this works for me because i know i can sustain deep focus over the course of those three months and so will accomplish what ive set out to do. — but whats key for you, is that you find out what works for you. if you start to embrace your needs and what makes you different, you can also embrace the ways it makes you and your approach unique and innovative. rather than a hinderance or a source of 'why cant i be like/function like everyone else'. ——— that leads on to the second part, which is learning to carry the good with the bad. e.g. — whilst the way i fluctuate makes me multifaceted, it also means that one month im focused on art (my style) & reading, the next i might be on philosophy and writing, right before i get back to gardening and portrait practice, then cycle back to learning languages or an instrument. that level of commitment to multiple disciplines means what could take me 3 months to accomplish if i had a single minded focus, gets dragged out into a year long affair. lmty, its almost as frustrating to make slow progress as it is not to progress at all. so sometimes i feel like ive come so far only to have achieved the bare minimum. ive had to learn to appreciate that slow and steady approach (rather than chasing immediate perfection which leads to burn out) and be grateful for the fact that even though its taking long, at least im moving in the right direction. eventually ill learn the skill of expediting each of my processes, but right now this is where im at. extending that kind of grace and mercy to yourself is the biggest part of this all. because if i know im not good at structure, and im specifically struggling with it at this moment, maybe i dont need to hyper-fixate on having a morning routine right now. maybe for the next few months, its not about doing yoga the moment i wake up (even if i know thats best for me) maybe i just need to do yoga at 'unspecified time today'. maybe i dont need to sleep at 10pm. i can actually start work at 10pm, and go to sleep at 6 am. as long as i do yoga, as long as i go to sleep, as long i *insert task*, that is enough for right now. infact more than enough, its a victory. so, work on your own schedule and embrace it. trust that you've set goals and failed before but that you are still here and still committed to getting it right next time, which means you are a trustworthy person who can rely on themselves to show up for themselves. the more you practice not giving up, the smaller the gap between your ability to take action, which means the greater your ability to develop the skill of routine. perhaps not a conventional routine, but routine just means habit. over the course of your life, you are building the habit of not giving up. or of consistently coming back to & developing skills you wanna build. that is the desired outcome, not the structure of how you achieve that, but the fact that you have achieved some form of taking action consistently.

last thing i want to leave you with is the way i see and feel you. you could have asked me anything, you could have asked me nothing at all, but you chose to ask me about how to improve your situation. in that sense, your words have betrayed what your will and your desire is. the things we desire today, dictate the person we become tomorrow, and so i know without a doubt that its not a matter of if, but a matter of when you achieve these routines, their outcomes (& so much more, you cant even imagine whats on the other side). <3. it takes a very special kind of grit and resilience to fail and to try again. you inspire me and remind me of the qualities that make humans truly beautiful, truly necessary and truly precious. so dont give up, dont go under. none of this is meant to break you, just pull out what is inevitable to who you are and what you are meant to be. it is going to be hard, but you are not alone even when you are alone, and when you make it out the other end you become a testimony for others, (& evidence that they arent alone either). keep fighting, i believe in you, sending big love & a big hug xx-xx

#ask #🖤

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