#it was miserable and i still didn't get it in on time
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pha55ed · 2 days ago
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I'll Be Home || F1/F2
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type :: fluff
tw/cw :: none
contains :: carlos, charles, lando, oscar, ollie, paul, pepe
summary :: you introduce him to your family, he's terrified by he still pulls through
xmas celly here! || f1 masterlist || f2 masterlist
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Carlos Sainz | 55
When you told Carlos to come to your family's party, he instantly accepted with glee. Except, right after he began to panic and process the preparation needed to go into this. It was sweet to see his smile drop so quickly, meaning he put his thinking mode on.
Despite Carlos being loved by so many, he's still so nervous. You both sit in the car for almost 5 minutes just chatting to help calm him down. He's fidgeting with his hands, pushing his hair back and forth to perfect it, and he's doing his best to remember the ice-breakers he learned online.
"I promise, they'll love you no matter what." You say, grabbing his hands to stop his constant fidgeting. "You're going to do great!"
You knew he was going to try and "but" you so you quickly jumped outside the car. Which made his jaw drop, since he swore to forever open every door for you, no matter what. Instantly, he runs outside of the car and before you can even step 2 feet away from the car, he gently pushes you back into the car and shut the door.
He's saying something outside of the door, definitely complaining about losing his streak. By the time he opens the door for you, gently reaching for your hand to bring you inside, you can see most of your family outside ready to greet you.
Carlos is embarrassed, terrified that he just seemed like a controlling monster. But you knew your family, and you knew they would have adored his commitment to treating you like a princess. And you were right, they greeted him with welcome arms and loved his gesture.
Charles Leclerc | 16
He was well prepared for this day. It was like he was training to be in the military. The day you invited him to your family dinner, he's been grinding day and night to create the most perfect answers and conversation starters. He had his outfit ready and steamed, shoes cleaned, and even did an intense night routine to prepare.
So when he comes to your family's house, he's well prepared. You can't help but try to hold your laugh back at how serious he's taking this all. All your effort to hold back the laugh instantly comes out the second Charles begin to speak to them, because his chill-rich-nonchalant act came apart so quickly.
Your family brings up anything and instantly Charles is unable to hold back a fun fact he knows. Even something as random as a bananas then turned into: "Did you know if you add them to smoothies, it actually ruins the vitamins of the other fruits? I also dressed up as one on stream haha! Look!"
He's also unable to hold the touch guy persona with the kids. They instantly melt him, making stupid jokes with them. He's severely behind on trends though... Mentioning whips and nae-naes, the troll face, and G-mod. But that's fine, it makes the kids giggle at his old knowledge.
He's even acting like a fool with the dog. Trying to get the dogs to sit, roll over, and failing miserably. It makes everyone laugh and chuckle at him. But it's not at his expense, but instead at the pure energy he has to become part of this family. Which makes him instantly accepted by everyone in your family, including the dogs.
Lando Norris | 04
Before his fuck-boy reputation, there was rookie-Lando. The sweet boy who didn't grow pubes yet,,, somehow... And although you met Lando in his new era, filled with confidence and sass, you saw the real him behind his persona.
His palms were sweating, his voice was slightly higher, and his smile was flashing every second out of nerves. Anyone could tell he was nervous, he looked like a high schooler about to give a presentation. You two sat in the car, about to leave but he gently asked you:
"Can we stay in here for a minute?" He asks, turning to you as he fixes his sweater.
You were confused slightly. It was normal when you asked to stay in the car for a minute to redo your lip combo, since he usually ate it off of you. But Lando doesn't have a lip combo, or any makeup at all.
"I'm just," He could tell you were puzzled, "Nervous.. I wanna just talk to you, get the nerves out."
You smile at his words, he looked so cute being so nervous to meet your family of weirdos. "Lando, you'll do great! I know for a fact that they're going to love-"
"No no. I don't need reassurance or anything, thank you though love." He cuts you off. "I just, jus' want to talk to you. You calm me down."
"Talk about what?" You ask.
"Anything." He shrugs. "You just, calm me down." He says, making you smile from his simple yet impactful words. "You're like a walking vape."
"Oh shut up!" You smack him playfully, "You ruined a good moment!" Chuckling at his comment. But your chuckle brought a smile to his face, but this time it was a genuine smile.
Not out of nervousness or fear, but a real smile. Your laugh was able to brighten him up within a split second. And that's all he needed. Because truthfully, he didn't care too much of what your family thought of him. Of course he wanted them to like him, but he's able to accept other's opinions. All he really cared for was that you loved him, and he knew you did.
Oscar Piastri | 81
"Should I wear my midnight blue tie or navy blue tie?" Oscar asks, holding both up for you to look at. He was sweating bullets at the idea of meeting your entire family for the first time. Even though you reassured him endlessly that your family would love him, he wasn't certain on it.
"Either works, love" You say, trying your best to multi-task answering his stupid questions while getting ready yourself. You knew he wasn't trying to be annoying. It was cute to you that he was so nervous, despite him being on the verge of a breakdown.
"Okay what about white or black socks?" You told him white. "What length though? Above or below the ankle???" You told him above. "Okay, but should I pick the ones with a logo or no logo-"
"Oscar." You said firmly. He gulped, he knew he should have picked the no logo socks, what a stupid question! But that wasn't what you were going to say. "I promise you'll be perfectly fine. They don't care what you wear, how you sound, or even what you like."
"I know, I know, but I don't want to disappoint them." He says before remembering, "Oh shit! We need to leave soon! I need to pick up the bouquets I ordered for your family on the way there-"
You couldn't help but laugh at him. Every question he asked was just further proof that would be perfectly fine meeting them all. You had no doubts that your family would adore him: which they did.
Oliver Bearman | 87
The second Ollie stepped foot into your family's party, he was bombarded with questions. Bringing a tall, handsome, and talented young man into your family automatically made him lovable. They almost forgot about the fact that the only reason he was there was because of you.
He can't escape the grandmas and aunties fawning over how cute he is and all the uncles can't stop bothering him with questions about cars. Even your little cousins love him, asking him annoying questions that he handled really well.
Before you know it, he's carrying your baby cousin in one arm, holding a paper plate filled to the brim with food, wearing your uncle's hat that he insisted suited Ollie more, and being forced to tell everyone his facebook so they can stalk him.
The night lasted hours, but thankfully all your family got drunk or sleepy. Meaning you two were able to escape from the party. The second you're in the car, he sighs. It confused you, was he tired? Relieved to leave? Sad???
"Do you think they liked me?" He asks you. Which you instantly want to slam his head into the window.
"Yes Ollie, they liked you." You say with a smile, giving him a kiss on his cheek. "They loved you."
Paul Aron | 17
You've met Paul's family many times due to them being extremely present in his life. His sister always makes sure to check on him, taking you out for little gossip coffee dates. His brother is constantly calling Paul, making sure to tease him endlessly. And his parents are always there to encourage you two and take you on their family vacations.
So now that it's Paul's turn to be part of your family, he feels so nervous. He's ruffling up his hair for the 100th time, mumbling the lines he practiced to say. It's just a small get together for the holiday season, but Paul insisted that he should still be dressed nicely.
Once you arrive, you're on time... By 10 minutes. Despite you insisting that no one ever comes early to a family party, he doesn't care. He'd much rather be early and help set up than be late and risk ruining his first impression. Besides, if there's less people, then he can make sure he talks to every single family member.
And his plan worked really well. He's helping set up the plates and utensils while chatting with your aunt about how he loves her decor. Making her feel appreciated, finally someone saw the effort she put into picking the perfect width of a fork handle!
He helps your uncle prepare the back yard by opening all the lounge chairs. Which lets him make small talk with him, where they both find out that they love Star Wars. Now your uncle loves him because he can finally talk to someone who's as passionate as him.
Paul keeps doing this with every family member that arrives, being able to talk to them each one on one in order to create a bond. Because in group settings, Paul tends to get a tad bit nervous. He doesn't know when to jump in or what to say instantly.
By doing this, you both return home with every single family member loving him. And each of them remembering him from the little facts he shared with them. He was so respectful, engaged, and sweet the entire day. You couldn't help but just want to shower him in kisses for putting in so much effort and energy into your family.
Pepe Marti | 21
"Tall and tan and young and lovely," are lyrics dedicated to a girl but they perfectly fit Pepe. Because he instantly charms the entire family with his sweet smile and handsome looks. You're worried that he might get stolen from you by the end of the night.
He's just a future uncle in training. Making all the aunts laugh with quick jokes and then heading outside to sip on a beer while helping light a fire. He's even forced to help clean the grill and get a new gas tank to light it up.
You feel so much more mature now, no longer feeling part of the cousin crew but instead a future auntie in the making. He makes you feel so domestic, so warm and nurtured that the only thing you want to do is share the love of being cared for.
And you can't help but just fall for him deeper. And the same goes for him.
Despite being assigned random tasks to complete, he always makes sure to check up on you. Giving you a quick peck on the cheek as he walks back and forth from the kitchen to the yard. Making sure to shut down any rude comments from your aunts by turning it into a joke. Squeezing your hand three times under the dinner table to remind you that he loves you.
He couldn't have been more perfect.
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wineonawhitetee · 1 day ago
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ALRIGHT SO
One of the things I noticed mildly in Mastermind and was given more content of in Sinsmas: Blitz is having a really good time. Like, ofc he's still suffering, but, the ending of the episodes are really good for him. And this is hugely contrasted by the fact that Stolas...isn't.
Blitz is so sweet and gentle with Stolas because he’s doing fine and Stolas isn't. Think about it
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By the end of Mastermind, Blitz is in a pretty good position. He's basically become a celebrity among the working class imps. Combined with that, he's INSANELY relieved. Just a few months ago he thought he was going to never see the love of his ife again. A few hours ago, he thought he was going to die. A little after that, he thought the love of his life was gonna die. Then he didn't. He still has his family whole, Loona is freely admitting that she loves him, his employees are okay, Stolas is okay and living with him now. He's doing well.
Compare that with Stolas
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He has just lost everything he has ever known. He's lost his powers, his money, his books, his house and -most importantly- his daughter. He is lost and shell shocked and miserable.
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While Blitz is relived and hopeful.
This carries forward in Sinsmas, where Blitz is a lot more chipper and Stolas is still downtrodden.
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The responsibility of working is weighing on Stolas while Blitz is happy to get him on the job. He doesn't take offense to Stolas's groaning and carries on like normal.
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At work, it's also an instance of Stolas being miserable and Blitz trying his best to comfort him and to be supportive, even disagreeing with the client to make Stolas feel better.
Then it's the two things that fucking GET ME in this episode
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Blitz trying to warm Stolas up, to be close to him, to cuddle him, to touch him, to comfort him and Stolas being cold and un-receptive (also both of them are hugging themselves nooooo please hold each other it'll helpppp 😭😭😭).
And these last shots that really sell it
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Blitz is soft and happy. Stolas is defeated and distant. It's clear in the previous scenes that he loves Blitz and this is everything he ever wanted but it seems like a hollow victory because he thinks he's lost his daughter forever. He's so tired and it's so clear that he wants to enjoy this moment - to give in to the comfort - but he can't.
It also illustrates the development and reversal of Stolitz's dynamic perfectly. Earlier on, Stolas would've jumped at the slightest sign of Blitz’s affection. Now he can't even hug him back. Blitz is kind, hopeful and affectionate. Stolas can't find it in himself to reciprocate.
Y'all, I hate them so much
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moon-andstardust · 1 day ago
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I'm so happy that they are portraying both Stolas and Via's struggles. This episode handled the complexity of their relationship so well.
In some regards Via is right, Stolas did lie to her. Stolas was partly right to have done so: a child shouldn't have to carry all of their parents' hurts and grievances.
But he took it too far, he hid too much. So now that it's all starting to come to light Via feels gutted: her father is not who she thought he was. Her image of Stolas is literally being shattered:
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They were so close to each other and it turned out that didn't matter at all because not once was he honest with her about anything remotely important in his life*.
She starts doubting everything. What else could he have lied to her about? Was he just pretending to like spending time with her when in truth he was miserable the whole time?
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(Note: Blitzø's face is replacing her own on the portrait)
Stolas was such a cornerstone in her life that his percieved betrayal makes her feel like her world is burning down around her. I've been in Via's position and it hurts so so much.
This line in her song feels like payback: I didn't know you, so you will not get to know me either
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Stolas felt like he had to hide every ugly truth of his marriage so "that girl could have a semblance of a normal life" but not only did that not work, it further complicated matters with Via, who now thinks she can't trust her father anymore.
The other problem is that Via still doesn't have the full picture! She deserves to know dammit! That's her family! Due this she can only draw her own flawed conclusions which is just painful to watch.
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kittynugg · 3 days ago
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stan and ford highschool thoughts
-Stan always tried to convince Ford to do absurd shit because nobody would suspect him what with him being a teacher's pet. His magnum opus was trying (and failing) to convince Ford to shit in the urinal. Ford still thinks about this and wonders how Stan even came up with it.
-I personally headcanon Ford to be aroace but obviously he'd have no idea about that in highschool of the 1970s. He asked three girls out in his life and failed miserably every. Single. Time. One that keeps him up at night is when he asked someone to homecoming and she just said "why?" He promptly had a small meltdown and walked away. (very inspired by the Illymations video about dating with autism)
-Stan had an actual friend group, they'd hang out on the weekends when Ford was busy studying and even include him most of the time. Ford didn't actually like being included that much.
-Ford had a summer job in junior year, he worked at a café and vowed to never work customer service again afterward.
-Stan probably liked men or something. Just a thought. He thinks everyone does in highschool and called it the "boykisser phase" until he mentioned it to someone and the other person was like what the fuck.
-Ford started a homework racket with the help of Stan, he'd get paid to do other people's homework and split it 50/50 with Stan for coming up with the idea. (Ford fucking loved doing homework and Stan is a natural born conman so it worked out well.)
-Stan could do a backflip, the kind you do off a wall, and became the coolest motherfucker in the school for approximately four minutes because of it.
-In the yearbook's superlatives section, Ford got "Future President" and Stan got "Least Likely to Live Until 25". Stan is more proud of his than Ford's.
-Ford nearly killed Stan trying to cook for him when he got sick. This is a canon event for both of them and Stan is a pretty good cook now when he actually feels like trying. (I.e.. when someone's sick.)
-They had real plans to run away and join the circus if sailing didn't work out. Stan is pretty good at juggling.
-Ford said goodnight to Stan's empty bunk every night for a month after he was kicked out
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wilhelminyard · 6 hours ago
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part 3 of the foxes being brutally honest and insulting people to their faces because they are SAVAGES
NEIL :
"I figured he was an egocentric maniac who was so desperate for his own glory he refused to see the potential in anyone else"
"tell me you're not that stupid"
"I might have been a little more considerate if I'd known how stupid you are"
"you being an asshole at heart means I was right about your chances. you do understand by now that your cowardice is what's keeping you and andrew apart, right?"
"you're a spineless asshole. you let the world happen to you and don't bother to fight back. you let other people dictate how you can live your life and who you can spend your time with. remind me why you put up with your mother's abuse for so long. did you actually love her despite her madness, or were you just too afraid to walk away?"
"what do you think?" "I think fuck you"
"your false bravado helps no one" "neither does your cowardice"
"you already walked away from him once knwoing what riko would do to him in your absence. don't do it again. if you don't protect him now, his death is on you"
"die free or die a failure. the choice is yours."
"I'd ask you how it feels but I guess you've always known what it's like to be second, you worthless piece of shit"
ANDREW :
"is your learning curve a horizontal line?"
"a privileged child like you has never seen the real world"
"I've had enough of your stupidity to last me a week"
"I'm volunteering my opinion" "don't. children should be seen and not heard"
"you're stupider than even I gave you credit for"
"you have a problem wherein you only invest your time and energy into worthless pursuits"
"you're a different kind of suicidal. didn't you figure that out in december? you're bait. you're the martyr no one asked for or wanted"
"I hope you two are miserable together"
WYMACK :
"anyone have ideas on how to make neil look a bit less like a battered wife?"
"I can't tell if you're being obtuse to fuck with me or if you're really that dumb."
"I need you to derail that one-track fucking mind of yours for two seconds"
"great. kevin's turning into another you. that's just what I needed."
"get washed up before your stench kills me"
KEVIN :
"we need you on the court but not if you're going to drag us down with you. in the shape you're in right now you'd be a complete waste of our time."
"even if you'd stepped it up when I told you to a year ago, you would have no chance of beating them. there is nothing at all you can do this late in the year. they are better than we are and they always will be"
"stop acting like a spoiled child"
"you've got a thing for controversial teams, I think, but I like this one much better than the last one" "they're mediocre at best but they're easier to get along with"
NICKY :
"do you get off on being such a debbie downer?"
AARON :
"it wasn't the drugs that made him crazy"
"I'm walking away and pretending I don't know you"
"I want to drink and pretend I don't know any of you"
MATT :
"good to see you're still fuck-all crazy"
"one of these days you have to let me hit kevin."
ALLISON :
"you are on messed-up child. you come by that naturally or did your parents do that to you?"
"seriously you guys? it's like you don't know us" "we try not to"
RENEE :
"I tried taking you off his hands at one point. andrew refused on the grounds he wouldn't wish you on anyone except a mortician"
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thewistlingbadger · 19 hours ago
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Me? A Silco sympathizer? Well, yes. Yes actually I am because the more I think about the more I think I have to be.
Silco was a young man who grew up with so much pain and suffering around him. All he ever knew was hardship, but despite it all he managed to live the best life he could have possibly managed for himself. He had community, family, and friendship. He had respect for others and the respect of others. He had a dream, people worth fighting for, people that loved him and people he in return loved. And he lost everything. He lost the very people he was fighting for, the ones that cared about him. He lost his humanity at the hands of Vander, his own brother who brutally betrayed him. Vander seemingly blindsided Silco at the river. He blamed him for something that was nowhere near his fault. He gave up on their dream, their home, at the first sign of trouble. He seemingly got Silco's peers and neighbors to turn on him and see him as nothing more than a monster. Can you imagine the confusion and hurt Silco must have felt in that moment? Or even the years afterwards? From Silco's perspective, he has no idea why Vander did what he did, and Vander never made any attempt to try to make amends. Vander was going to kill him that night. How do you think Silco felt, raising a knife against his kin just to save his own life? How do you think Silco felt looking the mirror every day after, knowing that a person he loved so deeply had became a monster and turned Silco into a literal monster? How do you think Silco felt when he walked the streets of Zaun and saw the way people recoiled away from him, because of his eye and reputation?
Silco was a good person. He had hopes and desires and a capacity to be kind. And all that, everything that made him him, everything that made him a human in his own eyes and the eyes of society was ripped away from him. He lost it all and he had to do it alone. Silco seemingly had no one outside of Vander and Felicia and he lost both of them. How do you think Silco reconciled that? Do you think he blamed himself for everything? Did he search his memories trying to find the exact moment where things went wrong? Did he think it was his fault that Vander betrayed him, that he deserved it in some way? Or did he know that he didn't deserve it, did he know that night was all on Vander? Did Silco hate himself for Felicia's death? Did he see himself responsible for her the same way Silco did? Did he ever wonder what became of her body, of her children? Or could he not bear the thought?
Silco had zero tools to help himself process his trauma and he didn't have a single person to comfort him. So what did Silco do? He accepted what happened to him in the only way he knew how. He completely abandoned the man he used to be, the man that knew love and affection and paid the price for it. He became the monster Vander saw him as. He dedicated his existence to the cause Felicia died for, the cause Vander was willing to kill him for. He didn't care about the costs and consequences and why should he have? Everything, literally everything he had and cared about was gone. The only thing Silco had left to lose was his own life, so he may as well try his hardest to get independence for his city, for his people, for himself, for Felicia's memory. And in the process he completely damned himself to a miserable and bitter life without humanity. And despite it all, despite how much he tried to put things in the past, to completely reinvent himself, he couldn't do it. The pain was still there. The man he used to be lived, even if it was in the smallest way.
There are a few moments where you can see his vulnerability. For example, the scene where he and Vander talk for the first time since the betrayal. Despite everything that Vander did to him, Silco still wanted Vander to work with him. He still saw Vander as his brother, and he still loved him. "I trusted you...and you betrayed me." You can see the pain in his eye when he says those words, how much he wishes things were different. We see how lonely he is, how he has no one except Jinx and Sevika, how he's isolated himself from any possible connection. We see how stressed he is all the time, how he's so tired of it all.
But the clearest way to see Silco's humanity is with Jinx. We can see a clear switch in him when he comes across Jinx as a child. He has no reason to take her in, to comfort her, and yet he does it anyway. He holds her with all the gentleness he has and whispers words of solidarity and understanding. Silco is always at his weakest when he's with Jinx, because Jinx makes him human again. Jinx makes him loving and warm and himself again. Jinx is healing him and he cares so much for her. He's so afraid to lose her, so afraid that she'll leave him like Vander did. His manipulation comes from a place of insecurity and fear. He tells her things that aren't true because he wants them to be true so desperately. He wants to be Jinx's family. He wants Jinx to stay with him. Jinx is the only person that is able to do this to him, to show him this softness he hasn't had in so long. Only with her does he talk softly. Only with her does he open up and share his own struggles. She's the only person who he fully trusts. She's the only person he ever engages in affection with and she's the only person he accepts affection from. And when he does touch her, it's always like she's delicate. Like she's something to be treated with care and the utmost preciousness. By having a trauma similar to his own she gives him someone to relate and confide him. Jinx is the only person who can possibly understand Silco and look past his actions to see the real him. A man who was hurt and abandoned so long ago that now all he knows is that hurt. A man who forgot what it was like to have family, to have people that care about you and want you around. Silco let's Jinx hurt him all the time, physically and emotionally, because he's terrified of the idea of being alone again. As long as she doesn't leave him he's fine with the pain, he can take it. He just doesn't want to go back to the way his life was before her. He wants it so much he willingly gives up his goal for it, he willingly DIES for it. Even when she does the thing that traumatized him, even when she kills him in cold blood and seemingly betrays him, he still loves her. He still can't find it in himself to hate her for all the pain she's caused him. She means so much to him that he uses his final breath, his last words, on her. To comfort her, like he's not the one with bullets in his chest. It's so important to him that she knows he loved her with everything he possibly had to offer.
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taintandviolent · 19 hours ago
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Baby, it's cold outside ; Oz Cobb x Reader
summary: It's Christmas Eve in Gotham City, and it's bitterly cold, but you're warm up in Oz's penthouse. When he comes home from an event, you're waiting, wrapped up like a little present.
word count & w a r n i n g s: K | older man/younger woman, established relationship, making out, shameless smut, unprotected sex, foreplay in a Santa outfit, santa kink????, christmas themes, very inappropriate use of christmas puns/phrases/themes, fingering (female receiving), festive dirty talk, praise kink, very brief and light bondage, .
a/n: requested by a few anons! I hope it satisfies your festive whore needs for this man!!! not beta read and kinda rushed, but such is life. I wanted to get this out before Christmas Eve. Also speaking of Eve's.... Eve is... MIA I don't know, it's a plot hole, it didn't work out between them, yada yada, but she's not apart of this. all in the name of spice / reader's benefit! banners by @/strangergraphics!
↓ full fic under cut! ↓ / playlist here / ao3 link here! / I don’t have a taglist anymore, but please turn on post notifications if you’d like to be notified of future fics!
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Gotham had been hit by a massive blizzard, but you weren’t complaining. It was Christmas Eve, and the snow was welcomed. At least by you, who didn’t have to be out in it. Big, fluffy flakes drifted down from the clouds, and you had a perfect view of the snow-covered city from the large windows. With the music that you’d put on, it felt altogether very Christmas-y.
You were enjoying the snow by yourself for the time being. Oz had left late that afternoon in a Santa suit. Some favor he had to do – couldn’t get out of it. The way he bristled every time you brought it up told you not to ask for too much information.
Christmas was really important to Oz – you assumed it was a favored holiday of his mother’s or something. Which was unsurprising. Everything, in some way, rooted back to his mother. You had come to terms with that, and accepted it. Played into it, even. 
He was insistent on a tree. A big one.
By the first of December, he had a massive one picked out for the living room, and a smaller (but still substantial) one for his mother’s room and had them delivered to the penthouse. You two decorated the big one that night, with cocktails and music. As with everything in his life, Oz was particular about decorating. After a few drinks, you could admit, your tree decorating skills were lacking. You’d lazily hang them in clusters, and Oz would fuss after you, rearranging it until it looked like it had fallen out of a magazine. 
But tonight, the tree was perfect. You crouched down in front of it, flicking a particularly ample bow atop a package. It wobbled and glittered, catching the twinkling lights above it. Most of the presents were yours – you knew this. Every time you turned around, it seemed there were another two tucked under the tree. 
“Doll?” 
Oz’s gruff voice comes from the hallway, echoing against the walls. Your head snaps up, and you straighten, pushing yourself off of your knees – you hadn’t heard him come in. You wrap the fluffy white robe tighter around your body, making sure that it isn’t revealing anything of your surprise. You’d been in the lingerie for a few hours, not knowing when he’d get home.
He rounds the corner, lumbering in with the signature gait that you’ve come to love. Though he’s ditched the hat and beard, he’s still in the classic red and white suit. It suits his stature and you screw your lips up in an amused smile, trying not to laugh at how miserable he looks. Like an excited child, you gallop over, pressing your hands against the plush suit. You trace circles in the fabric and look up at him with your doe eyes and pouting lips. 
“Ohohoh, Santa,” you coo, playfully. “You’re early.” 
Seeming embarrassed, Oz pulls your hand off his chest, holding it for a moment before bringing it to his lips. A small kiss is placed upon your knuckles before he finally speaks. “Ah, cut it out. Lemme’ get outta’ this fuckin’ thing and I’ll –” 
“Ozzy…” You back up, your hands falling to the tie of your robe. “You know, it’s customary to open a present on Christmas Eve.” 
He stops, mid-turn, and squints at you. He knows you well enough to know that mischievous glimmer in your eyes ain’t going away.
“So, open this one.” 
In a fluid motion, you untie the sash and shrug the robe off your shoulders. It falls to the floor, revealing your festive lingerie that you’d picked out weeks ago. You watch Oz’s eyes light up as he takes in the visual in front of him, starting at your feet, which are covered in a pair of red nylons, thigh highs. His gaze travels upwards, pausing to savor the look of the garters stretching over your lush thighs. Your bare stomach tenses at his gaze, before finally, he gets to the bra; a giant red bow that conceals the majority of your ample breasts. He can’t see it, but your nipples harden under the fabric, a reaction to the chill of the room and the heavy weight of his gaze. 
“Fuck…” He shifts, turning back around to face you fully. 
“But I dunno’.... Only good boys get their presents.” 
The words hit him like a ton of bricks. Oz swallows hard and licks his lips. He jerks his head to the side and lets out a breathy laugh, before holding his hands out.  
“Baby, who is dressed like fuckin’ Santa here? I think I’m the one that gets to decide who is naughty or nice, huh?” 
Your fingers toy with the edge of the bra’s bow, teasingly. “Hmm. Well, we all know that I’ve been a good girl this year.” 
“Yeah,” he says, limping over to you. His hands ghost over your nearly bare hips. “Yeah, you fuckin’ have.” 
You look down at his hands, then shoot your gaze back up to his brown eyes. Languidly, you grab his hand, bringing it to your lips to graze your teeth over the pads. Oz shifts his shoulder, trying to fend off the oncoming erection, no doubt. Something about pitching a tent in a Santa suit feels immoral, but you clearly ain’t on his side on this one. 
 “Don’t I get to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what I want? Huh?” 
You drop your hands, pulling his with them and tugging him towards the velvet sofa. It faces the windows and the tree, which is an incredibly picturesque and romantic background to fuck to, you think. You yank a little harder, though he’s standing stiff, watching you with hesitant eyes. 
“C’mon Ozzy….. C’mooooon.”
Finally, he concedes to your pulling and follows you to the couch, allowing you to guide him to the middle cushion. With a sharp shove, you push him backwards. He hits the couch with a grunt and looks up at you with those big cow eyes of his  – the ones that you can’t resist, no matter what you do. 
He licks his lips again. “What is this, huh?” 
You tap his nose and bend at the waist to stroke his plush-covered thighs. He’s being good; his red trousers aren’t straining yet. You frown playfully, making sure he sees your pitiful little pout. “Where’s your Christmas spirit, hmm?” 
Your hands continue their trailing up to his groin, and one hand palms his cock outside of his pants. Oz shifts his hips backwards at the sudden contact, and he hisses through his teeth.
“Movin’ your way down the list, sweetheart.” 
“Me?” You gasp. It’s a gentle, girlish sound and you feign shock. Your hand grips his cock a little tighter. “I’m the best girl in the world. I’d never be on the naughty list.” 
He chuckles low and looks down at himself. He feels the telltale heat rushing down between his legs, and it won’t be long before the fabric fights against his hardening length. “I dunno’...”
Your hand abandons its post and moves up to his wide stomach, where you quickly unbuckle the large black belt, sliding it through the loops. You throw it around his neck and pull him forward until his nose bumps into your cheek, and his lips meet yours. You kiss him long and hard, tasting him and whatever alcohol was leftover from the event. 
All at once, Oz lets out a deep groan, and reaches up to pull you into his lap. “C’mon, sweetheart. Sit on Santa’s lap, then.” 
You titter happily, and replace the belt with your arms. One knee at a time, you straddle him and lower yourself down. He doesn’t bother putting on a Santa-esque accent when he asks you what you want for Christmas this year, but does throw in a teasing ‘little girl’. 
You hum and raise your eyes to the tall ceilings, thinking. “Well let’s see… should I play Santa Baby for you? Been an awful good girl…” 
“Why don’t you tell me what you really want?” 
Your gaze falls heavy to his, and you smirk, leaning forward. You position your lips next to his ear and whisper a string of festively phrased, lewd desires that make his lips quirk up in a pleased smirk. 
“Stuff your stocking, huh?” he repeats. 
You nod and as if to punctuate your sentence, you grind your hips against his lap and take note of the stiffness that’s there now. A pleased smirk contorts your lips as you look below your bodies. Amidst all the red fabric, there’s a distinct outline, the fabric tenting as his cock swells from all of your teasing. 
You push yourself up on your knees. As you grip the sides of your panties, you lean forward to tug them over the curve of your ass. The position puts your bow-clad cleavage in Oz’s face and he snags the opportunity to kiss the tops of your breasts. “Mm-mm…” 
You pull them down your thighs, until they rest in the crook of your knees. Oz wastes no time in bringing one of his hands up to her. His fingers stroke her delicately, admiring every inch of her, watching as your hips buck and jerk when he nears the already slick slit. 
“This all for me?” 
“Baby, it’s always all for you. ‘Cause you’re always so good, aren’t you, Ozzy?”  
Between your legs, you feel his hips rise instinctively. He’s hard now, and the tip of his middle finger glides between your folds. You whimper and grip his broad shoulder tight, digging your perfectly manicured nails into the fabric. 
As an afterthought, you bring both hands down to his chest. Fluidly, you slip both hands underneath the jacket, and push it over his shoulders, revealing the white shirt underneath. He’s got his suspenders on, which you immediately tug on. You find them incredibly sexy, something that while he never understood, he appreciates. 
His finger plunges into your warm, wet cunt and sets there a moment, just feeling her.You clench around him, and he pulls out, replacing it with two. The girth of his two fingers is always so satisfying, filling you as he pumps in and out. 
His tongue juts out, mere centimeters from your center. He’s not close enough to taste her, but god he wants to. You can tell; the way he licks his lips repeatedly, his eyes locked on his fingers as they slip repeatedly from your slick cunt. She clenches around his thick digits while you moan above him, resting your cheek on the side of his head.
Finally, after a few more pumps, he withdraws his fingers and you immediately reel back, disappointed. He brings them to his mouth, sucking them clean. 
“Fuck,” he murmurs around them. 
The visual has you leaking and clenching around nothing. You long for the filled feeling again, and wiggle your hips to remind him. You reach behind your back, and unclip the bra, letting your tits fall free. “Ozzy, don’t stop…” 
Without another word, Oz lifts you up with both hands, and sets you down on the sofa next to him. Using the arm of the chair, he pushes himself up and turns to face you. Slipping your hands over the silky velvet, you flip over and push your ass up into the air. He makes a fist around your panties and tugs them down over your ankles. He flings them towards the tree, and you can’t help but let out a little chuckle when they catch on a branch, hanging there as one of the most lewd decorations you’ve ever seen. 
Oz pulls your attention back, taking a fistful of your exposed ass. “This pussy is the best fuckin’ present, sweetheart. There ain’t nothin’ I want more than this….” 
You let out a humiliating whine as he toys with her from behind, his fingers sweeping over your entrance. His thumb catches the side of her, and he pulls her apart, exposing the slick, glistening flesh. 
“Shit, baby… fuckin’ soakin’ wet.” 
He pulls the suspenders off his shoulders, and kicks the trousers down. It’s a bit of struggle to get his briefs down, but he finally does it, and grunts, shuffling closer to you and hoisting his good leg up onto the sofa behind you. 
Taking himself in one hand while still holding you open with the other, Oz slips his fat tip inside. It’s enough to make you whimper, desperately, but you know the moans will come as soon as he plunges himself inside. Though Oz loves every position, he particularly likes taking you from behind. He loves watching as he disappears into you, your dripping cunt swallowing him whole with every thrust. 
“Fuck me, Ozzy… fuck me, please, baby…” 
“Heh, don’t gotta’ ask me twice.” he replies, before pushing himself a little further in. His thick cock stretches you wide and you arch your back up, unable to contain the moans that tumble from your mouth. 
“That’s it… mhm…. Just like that - fuck!” 
Your hips meet him halfway, and Oz sinks himself all the way in, fucking into you hard with an immediate rhythm. Your stomach tightens with the waves of pleasure, your hands gripping the side of the sofa hard. 
“Oh my god, oh my g— You’re… you’re so fuckin’ good, Oz. You’re so fuckin’ good, oh my god. N-nobody’s better than you, baby…” 
Though Oz usually fucks you speechless, you’ve gotten in the habit of verbally praising him. If you don’t, he’ll ask for it anyway. It’s something that deeply arouses him, and makes him fuck you all the harder. Which he does. He groans and ruts his hips against your ass, filling the room with the slapping of your bodies as they collide. Silently, you’re glad for the music, which disguises some of the erotic sounds. 
“How’s that dick feel, huh? Tell me it’s good.”
You nod, your mouth dry from breathing so hard. “It’s so good. Big, thick cock feels s-so….” Your sentence is shattered by a string of high-pitched moans, but you quickly regain composure and finish it off. “...good!”
He continues humping your ass, driving himself as far in as he can. The head of his cock repeatedly hits the deepest part of your core, and your eyes roll back in your head. You only need a few more moments of his relentless bullying before your cunt flutters around him, glazing him in warm slick. The dizzying high of the orgasm wraps its hands around your head, forcing it to fall heavy onto the sofa.
The sensation sends Oz over the edge – and he’s genuinely surprised he’s lasted this long. He tenses, his hips lose their rhythm as he shudders over you, bucking and stammering words of pleasure. His release coats his cock as he pulls out of you. 
“God damn,” he pants.
You nod, smushing your face against the cushion. “Yeah. You really…” you swallow. “ Decked my halls.” 
Oz wants to tell you to knock it off, but all he can do is laugh. As he pulls himself from you, his gaze falls to an oblong present under the tree. It’s a necklace; diamonds, with a purple garnet and an amethyst dangling in the middle. Once he showers, he decides he’s gonna give it to you. 
“I’ll be back, doll. Don’t get dressed. I wanna see this present on ya’. Stay just like that.”
 So, you do. 
His cock was enough of a present, but you aren’t about to complain to a man like him. 
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backpackingspace · 2 days ago
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sinmas thoughts
Okay so I literally just finished the episode an hour ago! And !! Omg
Okay first off deeply concerned about a few things
Like yes yay the elsa bitch guy getting beat up was great but like how fucking easy is it going to be for him to turn around and go hey these peasants attacked me in my own home and it's back to them about to be executed. Like there's no fucking way there isn't consequences for this
Did anybody else notice millie getting punched by elsa bitch really fucking hard right in her lower stomach. Because I sure did! What if she's not pregnant after that what if she comes to terms with being pregnant and starts to get excited only to find out her baby was murdered before it even had a chance.
There were...a lot of fucking pill bottles there. Were they empty or did stolas just mass order his fucking pills. I am worried that via will start to take them. After all she's alone in a traumatic household with her world burning down around her
Speaking of via her powers!! Coming in! And them being sporadic as fuck and tied to her emotions? Can't wait for her to literally blow everybody up that'll be a fun time.
Still on via, bot really a concern just something I'm thinking about. The way via knew immediately not to argue with her mother, or even attempt to get her phone back or get an extra one or anything at all is very telling. The way she knew to just immediately put her headphones in and keep her head down and to go hide in her room. The way she went even further to hide in her closet before starting to sing? (How many times do we think she heard her mom berate her dad for singing) i think via knows her dad was being abused but hasn't yet fully realized what that means and is (understandablely) having a lot of feelings in every single direction.
Luna seems so much more happier and relaxed! She has friends now! She's laughing and smiling and not wearing exclusively dark clothes! She's openly calling blizo dad with out the grumbling! She just seems a lot more settled and happy now and honestly good for her!!
Idk why but I was not expecting stolas to sound like that. Just the way he said pussy caught me off guard for some reason. There were a couple other times where that happened but I don't really feel like listening them all out. Also. Fucking weird to be seeing stolas's pupils now.
Also!!! Stolas's face as m&m tore into each other. Wow. You know he was freaking the fuck out there and reliving some shit.
Speaking of background faces; the imp servants at the palace. Yah they all looked miserable and terrified. Not surprised but still yikes! With stolas they were always very much done with his shit , tired, and resigned but none of them seemed really terrified/upset like they do now.
Love that we don't really get overly nice manipulation Stella on via. Like she didn't even pretend to give a shit about her for more than that one second did she.
Blitzo calling stolas his bottom instead of just... literally anything else. Like he literally did not have to do that. But also confirmed stolitz dom/sub contract? 👀 or is this blitzo being himself and I'm reading too much into it.
All of us secretary! Stolas secretary! Stolas only for it to turn out that he hates it so fucking much ("I'm poor now! Melts into a puddle oh man. )
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thanakite · 1 day ago
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I think one of my main issues with Jayce is his lack of support for Caitlyn
Like they grew up together in a lot of ways and she seems to have looked up to him for a long time and they are essentially like brother and sister in A LOT of ways, but also friends
But following the Progress Day attack when her parents (her mom was likely the main one behind this but Jayce says that her "Parents spoke to the Sheriff" so here we are) got Marcus to essentially fire her as an Enforcer he comes to her and offers her a position as House Talis Security, which Caitlyn clearly states is a ceremonial position where she'd live behind a desk, all things that Caitlyn clearly and decidedly does not want and has not ever wanted and is very clear about her and should be clear to someone who has known her as long as Jayce has
If he came to her with this and he was like "No, I know how it looks, but that's just to get your parents off your back, in reality I will give you free reign (more or less, but essentially, I will support you) to pursue your investigation and with my new backing as a Councilor behind you" then I would believe him to be someone supportive to her and her hopes and dreams and someone who actually knows and understands her (like a sibling or a close friend) after knowing each other as long as they have
Because really, for one her injuries from the Progress Day attack COULD have happened to anyone and could have happened to her even if she wasn't an Enforcer (Because let's be real here she's still nosy and still deeply cares so she could have ended up near the explosion anyway), so forcing her to no longer be an Enforcer over it is illogical and just goes to show that her parents would have picked literally anything to get her to stop being an Enforcer
But Jayce is supposed to be her friend/older brother figure, someone who should decidedly not be siding with her parents here (Even with the concern for her health and safety, he SHOULD know that a ceremonial position where she'd live behind a desk would drive he absolutely up the wall and would make her incredibly miserable, plus again it was a BULLSHIT excuse to get her fired and Marcus likely only went with it because she was poking into things he didn't want her poking into)
And realistically this isn't the only time this happens with him and Caitlyn as despite it being HER investigation, he doesn't get a hold of her to come with him and Vi to bust up the Shimmer factories, but he SHOULD HAVE
Like with Vi it makes sense, they just had a very dramatic parting of the ways and it would have been SUPREMELY awkward to then go back and be like "Hey well actually do you want to come and try and shut down Shimmer with me?"
Caitlyn still would have 1000000% done it, but everything about it would have been too awkward for Vi to do so
Jayce doesn't have that problem though and yet he doesn't do anything to bring her along despite it being her case and him KNOWING IT IS HER CASE and everything else having to do with Caitlyn and her investigation and desire to be an Enforcer and make things better in Zaun and ALL of that
Caitlyn does support Jayce and was even his strongest defender when he was arrested after the heist and explosion at his apartment despite being young and having to go against her dad (Who is arguably the parent she gets along better with, which can easily make it harder to go against that parent in arguments because it can make you worry that they won't support you in future arguments with the parent you get along with less), and she continued to do what she could to support him after the trial when her parents went to drop him like a steaming pile of shit (Something that is never addressed, really, like there is no indication he held this against them at all once Hextech got approved and was shown to work and everything, but he honestly SHOULD have and it should have been a factor to him in choosing to support Caitlyn over the desires of her parents)
So... yeah.
I do like Jayce at times, but things like this supremely frustrate me, because he SHOULD have been someone in Caitlyn's corner who supported her in what SHE wanted to do with her life, but he just... Didn't
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yougotanasianf · 2 days ago
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@oficantsing
Thanks for believing in me, Mike... I'll give the audition a shot and see how it goes. {I didn't know if I had what it takes to win, but I'd give it my best shot. Thing was, there was obvious favortism in the glee club, and that's typically how decisions on stuff like this went, but you never know, I guess. Maybe talent will win out over popularity this time around. I silently considered as Mike and I continued to walk through this little town} Right? Good thing I went to your father and chided him until he saw reason. {I shook my head and chuckled lightly as I recalled that time I barged into Mike's dad's office... Neither one of them were thrilled with me after that, since I admit, I did overstep a bit, but in my defense, I knew Mike would give up his dream in order to please his overbearing father. Then Mike would end up miserable as he was forced into medical school, and all that the medical field entails, which wasn't fair to Mike. Given that I wanted Mike to get the chance to make his dream come true, I decided a little bit of overstepping in the name of love and support for the man I love would be justified this time around... Maybe or maybe not... Jury was still out on that one, but the good news is, in the end it all worked out, which is what really mattered} I'm just glad you got this opportunity... All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, Mike. {I said with a smile before nodding enthusiastically} It does feel full circle. Prom wouldn't be the same if you weren't there with me as my date.
@oficantsing
{I smiled across the table at Mike when he enthusiastically agreed to the chocolate chip pancakes selection for our shared breakfast. Of course Mike was getting his own choice of side dish, while I was obviously getting an extra large helping of crispy bacon to go with mine, but regardless, it felt like old times that the two of us were sharing a meal together again. Even better though that the meal didn't have anything to do with the words, "chicken feet" in it, cause if I never saw chicken feet again, it would still be too soon for me. Anyway, that was a bit of a touchy subject for us, considering chicken feet served its part in breaking Mike and I up. Recalling Mike recommending us going to "Asian Couple Counseling" due to my constant complaining about our every meal involving chicken feet. All in all Mike deciding I was a terrible Asian, because I seemed to be against everything Asian's typically liked. Of course we got beyond all of that, and in the end, it was distance that broke us up. Still, I was happiest if the topic of chicken feet remained off the table for us. I silently considered as Mike responded about his showcase. I felt relieved hearing him tell me he would want me there. That was a relief, since I knew that could have gone either way} No, I'll be there. And you know, it's not far from prom, so what if I take a bus here for your showcase, and then we can drive back to Lima together for prom preparations and stuff? {I suggested. Not knowing if Mike would want to be in a car with me for that long, but hey, if we were going to consider the chance of "us" again, down the line, then we would need to work through some of the communication boundaries and walls we currently have between us, in lieu of our time apart and lack of any and all conversation. At least that's my take on it though} I mean, we don't have to though. It's just an idea. The roadtrip could be fun, right?
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jusiri · 7 months ago
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Gotta say, i think the peak of my school performance is gonna be that on our last project of the semester, on the project that all of the upperclassmen said they hated, that people said made them cry
when my teacher was having individual discussions with each of us to go over any mistakes we made and explain it, when i went to talk to him, he said that there's about 15-20 mistakes that students will typically make
and i didn't make any of them
And frankly i dont think im gonna do that well in something ever for the rest of my whole academic career lmao
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lightningidle · 9 months ago
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Fig's line "I don't think I'm an artist, I think I'm just a good friend" has not left my head at all. Just...
You're Fig Faeth and your horns came in over the summer and you pick up the bard class as a form of adolescent rock 'n' roll rebellion, and it works! It's exactly the outlet you need! You give a guy you just met drumsticks and you start a band and it's good enough that within a year and a half you're touring. You are, in every sense, good at being a bard.
And then, finally, your junior year, you start to take it seriously. Your art goes from an outlet and a form of rebellion to a practice. A discipline. (Can rebellion exist within a discipline?) Your classmates know what they want to do with their work. They all have a thesis statement. And yeah, there's cohesion in the music you make, but you've never had to think about why you make it. You've never sat down and dissected what it is about bass that speaks to you. You've never poured over your lyrics to pick at any deeper meaning. Why should you? You don't play music for a grand design, you do it to... huh, why do you do it?
(Your art is the one form of self-expression that feels as safe as Disguise Self does, because even if you're pouring your heart onto the page and then screaming it in front of thousands of people, it's not like you're really making yourself known. You can sing I'm lonely, I'm scared, I'm furious, and your fans will sing it right back, and there will still be the distance between performer and audience to keep your heart safe.)
Now you're being asked to look inward to explain the artistic choices you're making, and you can't help but recoil at that, because you'd rather do anything than look inward. Meanwhile, your classmates have no problem with it, so you start to wonder if you're a real artist at all. Can your art be authentic if it only exists to bolster a thesis statement? Has your art been unauthentic this whole time because you've never really thought about a thesis statement before? Is that what makes it art, and not just the next track on somebody's teen angst playlist?
You can't think about yourself— acknowledging your own existence makes you want to puke. So if your music is an extension of yourself, (and it is, even if it's just because the spotlight reveals only what you want it to,) you can't think about your music. You can't. You have to. Your grade depends on it.
You're Fig Faeth, and you keep multiclassing because you'd rather be a good friend than a great artist. If introspection is what great art demands, then fuck it. You must not be a bard at all.
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 2 months ago
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i can't tell if i'm just not paying attention or if mouthwashing just doesn't make any sense
#random thoughts#mouthwashing#watching a playthrough and am on the Big Twist so more stuff may happen or whatever#like jimmy raped anya. none of her behavior before this really like clued this in but whatever#doesn't really. add anything to the story so far. could really replace it with anything and the story would still be the same#seems like it's just there to give jimmy a reason to crash the ship#also don't like that he crashed the ship. curly crashing it made him more of a compelling character for me#like it's established he gives the same answers every time in the mental health check ups#make him like. succumb to the pressures of the job. instead of just being kind of a shitty normal boss#and like. anya doesn't want to give jimmy his check up and be alone with him while he makes up sexually deviant lies. could be foreshadowing#but she asks him to give curly his medicine. she doesn't seem to OBJECT to him becoming captain.#she was also a lot more compelling when it seemed like she was struggling due to the pressures of the job#i like swansea. reminds me of uncle billy from the outcasts of poker flat#his final where's johnny moment is kind of out of nowhere. is it because jimmy has the gun?#i doubt it's about the rape. did jimmy do something else? did swansea find out he crashed the ship?#i wish i didn't get to see curly's face before the crash. like give me some room to ponder dude#daisuke and swansea's dynamic is really fun! especially in the pre-crash scenes#my main problem with anya is she didn't have any single character to play off of. daisuke had swansea. curly had jimmy.#she's just kind of there. and miserable. and sucks at her job#also why is curly still alive??? like she killed herself in front of him but didn't take him out? tf anya#there's like 30 mins left so idk maybe some of my complaints will be rectificed. or maybe mouthwashing just isn't for me#literally my main complaint is the rape subplot so if they do something interesting with that then we're golden
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katierosefun · 1 year ago
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oh there's something particularly painful about my mister in that dong hoon tells ji an that as long as no one knows, it's no big deal, and there's something particularly painful about how ji an tells dong hoon that sometimes, i want [my secret] to play out on big screens for everyone to see, and there's something particularly painful about how the second dong hoon meets the loan shark tormenting ji an, he starts screaming and yelling about how she's just a kid, how could you do that to a kid, and there's something particularly painful about how dong hoon doesn't even let ji an know he did that, but ji an knows. she knows because she was listening in the entire time and she just starts crying because someone actually knows this ugly, sad part of her and still took her side, and something particularly painful about how my mister started with as long as no one knows, it's no big deal but really concludes with there is so much risk in having someone know who you are but there's also so much comfort and peace to be found in that, too and maybe you shouldn't isolate yourself and maybe you should reach for that kind of comfort in being known and loved anyways
#caroline talks#my mister#if this is incoherent. it should be#rewatched the first 2.5 episodes of my mister last night#felt like crying my eyes out the entire time tbh!!#every time i watch this show there's just something about it that hurts me more and more and there's something that makes the messages#in this show feel more and more relevant#idk. thinking a lot about when ji an talks about how sometimes she wishes. sometimes she wishes#that everyone knew what she'd done and what had been done to her.#something about how ji an can't ever bring herself to connect truly with another person because of how much she hates#the feeling of people realizing what her past looks like#and not wanting to withstand the pity and also horror. like. okay.#something about ji an sobbing by the bridge when she listens to dong hoon pummeling that loan shark guy#and how i used to always cry at that scene but now i tear up just thinking about it#because you know! there's that shock (that firstly: someone knows your miserable secret. and secondly: they're still on your side)#and then absolute heartache because you don't know what to do with that information. you didn't expect it.#you're sobbing at a bridge because someone knows who you are and someone knows the scars of your past and still gets angry and sad for you.#and you still feel like you don't deserve it because you know deep down you are not a very good person (or so you tell yourself).#and. oughough. lee ji an holds such a place in my miserable little heart
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caterjunes · 5 months ago
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i know my body is doing its best but christ alive.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#i need a chronic illness tag#i've been doing frankly a lot better in the past week+ bc we got an upstairs window ac#and we've been keeping the house air conditioned bc even tho it gets cool overnight it is incredibly humid all the time (70-90%)#and the ac units take the humidity out from indoors as well as keeping things a consistent cool temp for me#but today i painted so i aired out the house all day. and. it was a mistake.#i feel fucking miserable. i could not get comfortable At All All Day.#also like. i haven't talked about this but i've gained quite a bit of weight in the last 2 years & especially the last 6 months#(being completely sedentary d/t chronic fatigue will do that to ya)#and so a lot of my clothes fit weird and feel bad and i haven't replaced them yet bc i still don't rly know how to shop#for clothing for trans women. especially bc a lot of those clothes are thrift store finds that Happen(ed) to feel good on me#and today i happened to be wearing underwear that i didn't realize were among the no-longer-comfy and the waistband would not stop rolling#and then it'd get pinched between my stomach & my lower abdomen and chafe horribly especially w/ how sweaty & sticky i was#it was just awful. it was just awful. i finally turned the ac back on even tho it's only 70° outside#bc i couldn't stand being in the (currently) 80% humidity anymore#and grayson helped me take a sponge bath after i broke down crying#and now i feel a little better but i'm just. tired. i'm tired & all of this is getting worse & my doctor doesn't seem to give a shit#heat intolerance
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ask-artsy-oncie · 3 months ago
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I wish I was not an unintelligent manchild.
#Vent#I wish I had interests that were properly 'adult'#I wish I didn't like being surrounded by toys and trinkets and games and comics.#I wish my room looked like how you'd expect an adult's room to look#I wish my art was refined. I wish I worked in mediums that were considered respectable to the average person.#I wish I could read. I mean like I really wish I could focus and read a book above a high school reading level. And properly disect it.#I wish I dressed properly. Plainly.#I wish I could feel comfortable surrounded by muted colors.#I wish I didn't enjoy obnoxious music.#I wish I didn't cling to things that reminded me of my childhood.#I wish I could be just like a normal adult office worker who was able to socialize properly and went to the gym#And then would go home and cook myself dinner and read and then go to sleep.#And I would still be miserable. I'd still be undesirable. But at least I'd be normal. I'd probably hate myself less. I'd be more respectabl#Why didn't I ever grow up. Why. What's wrong with me.#Why did I get a weird job. Why do I want weird things. Why am I weird.#Maybe if I was normal I could make fun of adults who have weird interests and get rid of the awful fucking pit in my stomach#Maybe I'd be marginally less miserable because at least my life is put together and at least I'm normal.#And I wouldn't have to waste time and money and energy doing weird things like going to conventions#(I was going to add to that but I rarely leave the house as is)#Instead I would just talk at the water cooler and otherwise think insightfully and deeply. Be a proper philosopher or something.#And with a better more normal job I'd have the money to be a philanthropist too#And I wouldn't bother anyone#And I DEFINITELY wouldn't be FLAPPING MY FUCKING HANDS WHEN I GET EXCITED#OR SINGING UNDER MY BREATH RANDOMLY WITHOUT REALIZING IT#OR BITING MY NAILS OR TAPPING MY FINGERS OR LISTENING TO MUSIC SO LOUD I CAN FEEL IT IN MY CHEST#I WOULDNT BE BOUNCING MY FUCKING LEG#I WOULD BE *FUCKING NORMAL*.
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