#it was just someone's post talking about it that reminded me of it

[chaoskirin]

You know what's funny is I've warned against some of the shit this site shills as OK. It was so enraging like 6 or 7 years ago when I posted something like "yeah never leaving someone alone after they fuck up is probably bad actually" and got called... IDK the word at the time, but something like an apologist.

And again, I'm gonna point this out: Seeing everything in black and white with no greys in the middle IS THE PROBLEM. Not just "A" problem, but THE problem among leftists.

I'm gonna go ahead and use Arin Hanson as an example again, because there's drama about him on Twitter again, but people still want to "remind" his fans about the stupid shit he did in his life ten or more years ago. You don't have to do that, I fucking promise. You don't. You don't have to like him or be his biggest stan if you don't want to, but CHRIST. Shut the fuck up. You HAVE to give people room to change and grow, or what is this all for?

"But what if ______ said something racist?"

Are they actively doing it now? Are they doing racist things? Are they causing harm? No? Then SHUT UP. You don't have to tell everyone who posts about _______ that they said something stupid 10 years ago.

I also follow someone on Twitter who fucked up in a huge way and JUST posted some racist shit. It was unintentional and came from a place of severe misinformation, and he apologized as soon as he realized he fucked up and even RT'd the people who corrected him, but there are STILL PEOPLE commenting on his posts with "are you going to address this" and... just fucking SHUT UP. There is a really clear line between holding someone accountable and harassment. You HAVE to learn to tell the difference.

And I can't believe I have to say this because someone will misconstrue this, but holding people accountable is good. It is. I get it. You want to point things out and demand better. That is good for society. But if you see people have already pointed it out by the dozens, or sometimes hundreds, you can just... not support that person.

There's this thing on the internet where if you don't explicitly state that you DON'T support something, then you MUST support it. And those people also need to shut the fuck up. Sometimes it's the dogpiling that pushes people away from reflection, especially when there are also a ton of comments that say things like "don't listen to them. If you ever need to talk, I'm here."

Who do you think that person is going to for help? The person calling them horrible, or the person offering them comfort?

I fully expect to get asshole asks like "oh so you support racism" and here's a pre-emptive "fuck you" for deliberately misinterpreting what I'm saying. Unfollow and block me rather than sending me dipshit asks.

I'm done with all of you.

I'm especially done with the pissants who saw me say "Kamala Harris is probably better for the country than Donald Trump" and sent me asks saying I was a fucking genocide apologist. You see what your bullshit got you? Fuck you. Now we have someone who'll not only support the Palestinian genocide, but will likely do other terrible shit, as well. And even though Palestinians begged you to vote for Kamala Harris, you just had to virtue signal to the world that you were just so gosh darn progressive.

I am saying this all from the bottom of my heart. Stop pushing people away. Stop seeking perfection in every person on the internet. You will NEVER find it, and not only will you spend your life angry, but you'll spend your life fucking things up for everyone else.

posts about the alt-right pipeline being compassionate towards young men while radical leftists shun and shame them are not fucking saying "the men are becoming violent because feminists are too mean!" and if that is your takeaway you need to get off tumblr until you've better honed your critical thinking skills.

those posts are talking about how effective the language and approach you take in your activism can be. this is literally cult deprogramming 101. if someone is being taken in by a violent or dangerous group, that violent or dangerous group is usually offering them compassion and solace while working hard to convince them everyone else in the world is their enemy. you are under no obligation to coddle or act compassionate toward these men and their violent ideologies, but if you have the means to try, it is something that you can do to make a tangible difference.

radicalized people are often only one loving friend or family member or external voice away from being de-radicalized. of course that is not always the case, but it very often is. a lot of y'all rightfully understand that you do not carry the burden of being that voice, but a lot of y'all also have a lot of internalized ideas about morals and punitive justice and have simply written off these people as deserving of only the worst and not worth saving.

ten years ago, my grandmother was a fox news watching republican who voted red in every election and very well could have fallen down the qanon rabbit hole if not for me and her daughter challenging her compassionately, walking her through hypotheticals that validated her feelings & proving why they were false, & being patient with her despite our extreme division in political ideology. it was frustrating fucking work! but i decided i wanted to do it, because i could see the horizon and i could see me making a difference!

"misogynists have been saying feminists are too mean for years, get new material" that is not the fucking POINT. the point is that you, feminist, can be the compassionate voice that guides your brother, your father, your cousin, your grandfather away from fucking becoming or staying a nazi. you can show them compassion and companionship. you can be the woman they think of when their alt-right bros try to convince them that women are the enemy. and you can choose to crystallize that image of yourself so wholly in their mind's eye as worth protecting that they may very well choose to reject those harmful ideas.

it's not saying you HAVE to do it! it's saying you CAN do it! don't you 'firebomb a walmart' people all love taking change into your own hands? where the fuck is that energy right now, huh?

[hoshinasblade]

you are so close to gaslighting yourself into thinking that maybe, just maybe you have already told hoshina's mom in the past what your favorite tea is.

the problem with that thought is today was the first time you met the mother of your boyfriend.

you denied it in your head - for all you know, perhaps mrs. hoshina is just really a good at guessing. that, or you are going batshit crazy.

because at that very day, people you have met for the first time - people who may be friends with hoshina soshiro but are practically strangers to you - seem to be aware of small details about you.

captain ashiro complimented you on your blue dress after shaking your hands, saying it's obvious why it is your favorite color, emphasizing how it brings out the intensity of your eyes. even okonogi, who you know works directly with the third division's vice-captain, had a specific joyful aura on her friendly face as she offered to hang out with you in the future, mentioning how she is a fan of true crime documentaries too and suggesting in the same breath that you should try the pudding sold in the headquarter's cafeteria.

you could have let all of that go if only you did not blush like a teenager after hoshina's own older brother called you by your childhood nickname during family dinner.

"i'm sorry." hoshina's hand found yours, his thumb drawing patterns on your wrist. he knows you'd been on edge since morning, and although this is entirely your idea - meeting his friends and his family in one day - he wouldn't blame you if you're overwhelmed.

"they did their research on me or something," you tried to laugh the nerves away. it didn't work.

"ah." hoshina suddenly looked guity. " that. well -" he stopped for a moment, gathering his wits, choosing the right words to say. "i mean, it makes sense that everyone who actually knows me would know about you, really."

you wanted to joke as a response; you wanted to say that he's talkative and tends to yap for hours about stuff he loves so yes, people around him would naturally know things about you. but then you caught yourself because this is yet another confirmation of what hoshina soshiro had been telling you for months now - that you are someone he loves.

you did not know being known could feel this sweet.

"huh. do you reckon i can extort them for information about you next time?" this time it was your turn to grab hoshina's hand, and with your forefinger, you traced three little words on the warm skin of his palm.

[author's note: hello guys, i know i haven't been posting a lot anymore, but i am thankful to everyone who still remembers this blog - yes i can read your asks, yes i see that you've tagged me in a fic, yes i checked my notifications in this blog every now and then. it might take me long to respond most of the time so apologies in advance but please know that i appreciate all interactions from everyone.

also i dont need to remind you but i don't tolerate copy-pasting or reposting any of my works anywhere. i read a lot from here too, and other writers can attest to this as well - we know if a line or a paragraph from any of our works is copied and/or reworded. ]

[felassan]

Paste Magazine: 'Dragon Age: The Veilguard‘s Creative Director Talks Restoring the Lore'

Rest of post under cut due to length and possible spoilers.

"“I was the one cinematic person who always snuck their way into all the writing meetings because I love storytelling,” [John] Epler tells Paste. “I love narrative, and they wanted me to be Narrative Director on the franchise.” When the Creative Director position opened up later on, Epler was primed for the role thanks to his experience across multiple aspects of game design.  ‘They wanted someone who had a good relationship with the people on the team, who could work across disciplines, and who knew the story,” Epler explains. “You know, knew the franchise and its storytelling. Because I think for Dragon Age in particular, narrative is such a core part of the franchise’s identity. They wanted someone who could operate in that space, but also knew how to work with gameplay, work with design, work with art, and that was something that, with both QA and cinematics, I had learned to do. I think just a history of being always willing to do whatever was necessary and also having good relationships with most people on the team helped me out.” As creative director on Veilguard, Epler worked with a team that fluctuated in size from a dozen to several dozen depending on which phase of development it was in. And given Epler’s history with cinematic design, that team worked closely with narrative to craft the kind of epic story Dragon Age and Bioware are known for. “Storytelling is huge, probably the biggest part of Dragon Age: The Veilguard,” Epler reminds us."

---

"Paste: When you’re bringing back a series after a decade, how do you decide what threads to pick back up on, which characters to use, which lore to focus on, etc.? John Epler: It is going to sound very cliche, but it is true: It honestly comes as we build it. We knew a couple of core parts of the story. From the end of Trespasser, for good or for ill, we pretty much determined where we were going and what we were going to be doing. It was about the chase, the search for Solas. Solas had been very clear in his ambitions to end the world at the end of Trespasser. And, you know, at the end of the very final scene of Trespasser, we stabbed a knife, a dagger, into the map on Tevinter. So we kind of knew we wanted to go to Tevinter. We knew we wanted to chase Solas. Now that said, as the story started being constructed, and we discovered, okay, where else do we want to go, what characters make the most sense in this story, that kind of determines what lore threads we want to start pulling on. So without getting too much into spoilers, obviously, Scout Harding has a story that’s very focused on the dwarves and their history; Shery Chee started writing Harden’s ark, and realized, okay, this is actually something we’re going to want to dive into more deeply. Belarra’s story is very focused on the ancient elves, not just the gods, but who they were. So that became a lore thread we wanted to pull on.  As far as returning characters for us, it really does come down to who has the most to say about what’s going on in the world. Who is the most likely to be involved in this particular story. And I think, most importantly, this is something that we always talk about, is who has more to say in their story, whose story isn’t over. Because one of the things that I don’t necessarily want to do, I don’t want to bring back a character just so they show up and then disappear. That doesn’t necessarily do that character justice, but it also contributes to what you do see in some franchises, which is a sense of small world syndrome, where there’s literally 30 or 40 important people in this whole world, and they all somehow know each other.  But again, you know, you see Morrigan in the in the previews, and as we’re writing the stories like, well, of course, Morrigan, who is the daughter of Flemeth, who was at least an aspect of the goddess Mythal, one of the ancient elven gods, she probably has something to say or something to do in a story about the last two elven gods escaping. So, yeah, it comes down to who has something interesting to say, who has something more to say in their story, and who do we feel makes the most sense for where we’re going and what we’re doing."

"Paste: Sticking to the long gap between the last two games, what are the challenges in trying to make a satisfying continuation of that story without making it impenetrable for new players who maybe weren’t old enough to have really played Dragon Age in the past? John Epler: Well, I think it was funny because, on the one hand, yeah, the challenge is, you’re trying to tell another chapter of a story that’s been dormant for at this point nearly a decade. But it’s funny because I do think that actually ends up working to our benefit. For the second question, we cannot assume anything about what players remember. Because even people who were playing Origins, were playing Inquisition, all the DLC, they may not have done so for quite some time. And obviously some players are going to like—I mean, I see it all on social media, people doing their final Inquisition playthrough before Veilguard, which is great, but you have to assume that people don’t remember everything that happened. You have to re-onboard them back to the world, back to the lore, and you’re also bringing in new players. I think honestly, for Veilguard, one of the things that’s worked the most to our benefit is that this is a continuation of that story, but the context changes so dramatically within the first hour. You know you’re going after Solas, you know the first mission. We’ve always said we wanted it to feel like the last mission of a different game. But then you get to him, the ritual crumbles, the gods come out. And now, even if you’ve been following this story up to this point, for everyone, it’s just a sharp left turn. Solas is no longer the central antagonist of this at this moment, it’s now these two new figures, which means Rook, you know, you as a player character, but also the player themselves… You need to bring them back into this story, because nobody, including the people who’ve been playing forever, know what’s going on at this point. So it’s actually a really great way to do the first couple of hours, because you can’t assume everyone is coming into it with the same level of grounding in the story itself. Some people are gonna have more lore. And one of the things we do try to do is, anytime we introduce a proper lore term, I use Venatori as an example, we always try to pair it with a more commonly understood phrase. So “Venatori” and “cultists” always go together in the first few hours of the game. “Evanuris” and “elven gods” always go together in the first few hours of the game, but done in a way that doesn’t feel like the game is like, “Hey, don’t worry, we’re going to tell you everything.” It feels natural the way the people in the world talk about it. So you encounter Strike and Irelin, two of the Veil Jumpers, early on, and they use the terms interchangeably in a way that allows players who don’t know as much about the world to get what all these things mean. Like I said, it’s just the context of the stories. The story shifts so dramatically in those first couple hours that everyone is catching up, even the characters, even, you know, Harding is still trying to figure out what the heck is going on."

"Paste: Speaking of what’s going on, in Veilguard we have a new character as the protagonist, Rook. What’s happening with the Inquisitor and the protagonists from the first two games? What are they doing in this world now, assuming they survived their games? John Epler: One of our storytelling philosophies is, for us, especially when it comes to importing, is unless we explicitly say so, assume that those characters are still around. So what we do, because this is the story of Solas and the Inquisitor has a very direct tie to Solas, the Inquisitor does show up in Veilguard. I’m not going to tune into spoilers, or what the role is, but it would have been very strange for us to tell the story of Solas without having the Inquisitor involved, because, again, they were part of that story. As to the previous two protagonists, they’re still around; that said, their personal arcs, their stories that they were part of in their games, aren’t as directly tied into this story, either narratively or geographically. We’re now in the north of Thedas. So the Hero of Ferelden, who you know, if your hero survived, one of the things we talked about is they were looking for a cure to the Calling. They’re not going to necessarily be involved in this because they weren’t tied to the elven gods, and the blight is still present elsewhere. And Hawke, depending on what you did in Inquisition, may be deep in the Fade, or they may have gone to work with the Wardens and also engage with the Hero of Ferelden at some point. So we’re not going to say much about them because they’re not directly related to the story, but we want players to understand the fact that we’re not saying anything about them because they’re still alive. They’re still doing something."

"Paste: A lot has changed in the world of games and game design in the last decade. How has the creative process of creating a Dragon Age like Veilguard changed over that time? How was making Veilguard different than Inquisition? John Epler: I’d say the biggest change for me has been leaning much more heavily into pre-production on everything. So one of the things that we’d done on Inquisition, I was a cinematic designer on it, we didn’t really have the sense of storyboarding, of previsualization the way we do now. But with Veilguard, one of the things we did very early on is we built the entire story in Twine so we could play through and see the interaction points, see the word branch, and get the sense of how it was flowing, how it was coming together. Beyond that, very heavy use of previsualization, whether storyboards or actual white box, in-engine—or, I say “in-engine,” but, you know, in Maya—models, moving together, figuring out how these shots work. But I mean, ultimately, a lot of the same processes are in use now that we did then. Writing does peer reviews, they still do the same peer reviews. Take your work, you put it in front of the group, and you basically say tear it apart. Let me know what works, what doesn’t work. But I do think the other thing that’s been a great change since Inquisition is there’s a lot more sense of… if you’re building a level, you’re not just bringing in the level designers and level artists, you’re bringing in the gameplay people, you’re bringing in writing, you’re bringing in, you know, all these different groups to kind of build the feel, build the shape. Not to say Inquisition wasn’t collaborative, but I will say, as someone who worked on it, I felt much more like each pod was kind of an entity onto itself, you know, doing this thing, but not really touching the other parts of the game. In Veilguard, we very much wanted people to understand how their work fit into the whole that we were building. So there was a lot more sense of collaboration. And then, you know, more practically, COVID happened while we were making this game and brought work-from-home, remote work in general. I’m doing this interview from my basement right now, but in general, people are working more distributedly, so there becomes a much higher premium on communication. And like, we use Slack pretty extensively, and the sense of like, talking to people as much as you need to, as much as you can communicate broadly, and information sharing, I think, has become a much bigger part of it."

"Paste: So having the different departments less siloed, like it used to be, how has that impacted the day-to-day experience for a Bioware employee. Are they working more or less hours now that things are more collaborative? John Epler: I think it depends on who you are. And, I mean, I’d say generally less but again, it depends. I will say for myself, I have difficulty because of work-from-home. And this is a personal thing. I don’t always have the best separation between work and life because sometimes it’ll be like, nine o’clock at night and you’ll be like, oh, you know what? I just had this really great idea, I’m going to hop on and do something about it. That used to mean driving back to the office. So I will say now I’m not in the office, which is great. For me, one of the greatest things about this has been, I have a personal rule of I don’t ever do work between the time my kids come home and when they go to bed, which means I get to be fully involved as a parent. But then, like I said, 9:30 comes along [and the kids are in bed], and, you know, I think because I’m creative director, it’s a little bit different. I gotta jump in and be like, oh, I want to do this. So I think, you know, it depends on the person. But I think what it’s done is, in general, allowed a lot more freedom in defining your hours. And we do have some people who are not morning people, so maybe they don’t get up and jump on as early, but then I’ll see them later at night, and they’re doing the work that they would have done. And I think that freedom for me has been, and I think I can speak for a lot of people, has been probably the best part of how things have changed."

"Paste: So something else that’s changed in games over the last decade, I guess it really became standard right before Inquisition came out, and it’s something that’s been a constant problem for many people who are creatives in many different mediums. But some of the fans and fan accounts online and how they react to games and designers and games media, starting with what they call GamerGate. What are your thoughts on that type of fan interaction and how has it impacted the Veilguard team? John Epler: Anytime you get fan feedback, the question I always ask is, what is it that they’re actually saying? And, you know, sometimes it is literally what’s coming out, what they’re typing. But a lot of times, from whatever group it’s from, there’s a sense that they’re speaking to something deeper, something that’s, you know… I think ultimately, for me, it comes down to understanding and being confident in your vision which means you take the fan feedback, you can look at it, you can decide what you do or don’t do with it. But one of the most—I don’t want to say challenging, but one of, I think, the easiest traps to fall into is a feeling that you need to be, “oh God, they don’t like this, and they don’t like this, change this, change this.” And I think there’s a sense of, if you have a vision that you’re comfortable with, are confident in, you continue to stick with that vision, you can make make adjustments, make tweaks based on what people get excited or don’t get excited about. But I think the other side of it is, when you’re releasing news, you’re doing press events, you’re talking about the game, you’re only giving people a small slice and a decision that may, for them, like, “I cannot believe that, why would they do this,” makes a lot more sense when you know the context of the decision as a whole. And I’ll say it for myself, one of the bigger examples of this was when the Yakuza series went from action to JRPG, turn based RPG, and I’m like, “Oh, this is so weird. I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about this. You know, this feels like a very strange shift.” When I played the game, like, “oh yeah, holy smokes, this makes so much sense.” They made it make sense narratively. They made it make sense from the gameplay perspective. So I always try to remind myself, like we know the game as a whole. We know all the pieces and how they fit together. When you get that feedback again, you can look at it. Some feedback is obviously better than others. Some feedback is more, you know, is more interesting, and more does more for us than others. But again, it comes down to know the game you’re building, be confident in the game you’re building, and don’t try to design by committee, because ultimately, everyone has a different thing that they want out of the game, and a lot of people, even themselves, will have two very contradictory things that they want out of a game. So you have to be careful not to overreact and water down what you’re building into something that I would describe as, you know, mushy. You don’t ever want to be in the mushy middle. You want to make a strong statement with your game and how your vision evolves, and stick with that."

"Paste: Where do you hope to see Dragon Age go from here? John Epler: Honestly, I love telling stories in this world, and I think one of the fun things about the ending of this game and some of the seeds that it sows for the future is the sense that everything you thought you knew, maybe you weren’t as right as you thought you were. And that stuff like using the unreliable narrator. It’s fun to be able to take that and apply it to things that you as a player experienced, and then see that there’s an additional layer. Context that you didn’t have at the time that now throws into questions some of what’s going on. So again, I’m trying to be as vague as possible to avoid spoilers. But I do like the idea of—because one of the things, the other side of it is Thedas is one continent in this world. There’s still a whole other world out there. And I think, you know, for myself, I kind of want to know what’s out there. I kind of want to know what’s going on in a world where, over the last 15 years, Thedas has almost ended the world three times by themselves. If you’re from a different continent, how are you feeling about that? I’m gonna guess, probably not great. So I think there’s a lot of fun stories to tell there. We haven’t said much about the rest of this world. So there’s just this giant blank canvas for us to start playing in, which I think is, for me, the most exciting thing about moving forward with this franchise."

[source]

[invinciblerodent]

While I'm on the topic of being hopelessly in my feelings about these characters, I just finished the last part of the Gloom Howler quest, and I'm thinking about Davrin and names at the moment.

I really, really love how, once we learn the truth about her, Davrin seems to make a point of always referring to Isseya by her name (mostly on its own, but sometimes in conjunction with calling her "The Gloom Howler" when necessary), and even correcting others who would refer to her only by the latter name. (Which, honestly, both Solas and the Inquisitor could also talk at length about a title that all but replaces your name- it definitely feels significant that Davrin would pointedly reject the thought of doing that to someone, but I digress.)

And that reminded me of how I previously made an idle, kind of shitposty little post about how nice I found that during his recruitment mission, Davrin calls out the specific names of each griffon if you interact with their cages, and he attempts to comfort them like that- by reminding them who they are, that he's there, and promising that he'll be back for them.

In retrospect, I think that's so interesting, how his core story seems to boil in part down to... well, in part to the burden of duty, the questioning of tradition and authority (he questions both Dalish- and Warden traditions from very early on, one by joining the Wardens and the other by joining Rook) and, yes, living past what one thought to be their purpose, but also... to these moments, that invite some contrasting of his elven-, and his Grey Warden identities.

Isseya being an elven Warden is a very direct parallel, and a very clear image- it, I think, is meant to show what happens when authority goes unquestioned, and one side (the Warden) triumphs over the other (the person). His uncle then acts as a counterpoint and a thread of connection to the past- he shows what happens when tradition goes unquestioned, and while peaceful, how that existence is not one Davrin wishes for himself.

This all comes to a head in the final choice concerning the griffons... which, I can't say what a "correct" choice is, but I find it really cool how one option embraces a more rigid tradition and acts as a vow for reforms within them, honoring them, while the other embraces a different tradition, one born of fluidity, choice, and change- a more personal freedom.

Purpose and nature, respect for the past and hope for the future, all strain against each other sometimes (in multiple companions' stories, I feel), and it's often a name that represents the complicated harmony between two halves.

Be that Assan, noble descendant of a hero Warden's griffon wearing an Elvish name, Isseya, the monster and mage brought to peace, the idea of "turlum", harmony and understanding forged between vastly different minds, or just... Davrin, the Dalish Grey Warden, who is not more one than the other.

Maybe that's why calling people (and animals, and feelings) by their proper names seems so casually important to him. Because if you give something complex, messy, and muddled up a name, it's easier to just live it.

(.......... and yeah, that makes it a bit ironic how so far he's been calling Rook, "Rook", but, yknow, technological limitations. I've a feeling I've at least one important scene to go still, but honestly, the name "Rook" does also kind of represent a similarly complex matrix of ideas condensed into a person. It could be that "Rook" feels more accurate than any "friend", or "love", or "boss", or even "vhenan", for what they are to him, or it could be that he's still looking for the right name, but either way, I'm looking forward to seeing how it all ends.)

[impactrueno]

I saw your twt about holding back on telling stories with serious and deep tones and it reminded me of an issue I had a while back. Im a south park fan and I loved reading deep analysis of the characters. and south park being south park, people dont take it seriously and think its just funny so it doesnt deserve deep analysis like other forms of media. I always came across comments saying "its not that deep" or "doing all of that for south park" and I used to hate that so much because why are you commenting that under the authors post? In media there is like a "spectrum" of how deep you are in it as a fan, and it doesn't make you less of a fan if you like to binge watch the show when you feel like it because its funny. Someone who makes fan fiction and psychoanalyses the characters doesnt make them a better fan than you. I hate "it's not deep" because it is that deep to me, I enjoy it, but it dismisses critical thinking and discourages deep discussions about our interests. I want to learn more about the turning point for eric cartman and the friendship dynamics between the main 4. I want to read psychoanalysis of the characters and understand why they do the things they do. I loved reading fan fics with an author that understood how the characters work and put them in situations while making it believable. Whether the content was deep and serious or lighthearted and silly. I don't see those as cringe at all. What I see as cringe is trying to downplay someones time and effort. you dont care for it. cool, just dont make it our problem.

I believe in recent years, this cringe and its not that deep mentality is linked to media literacy/reading comprehension issues. On top of the fact, that fandoms right now has been "normalized", so alot of mean and rude kids and adults are in this space not having a mature and respectful conversation and discussions, as well as zero fandom etiquette. (I understand the past wasnt this magical respectful place but this behaviour has increased compared to past years).

Please don't worry about making deep content, its super fun and there will be fans of what you write/draw that will definitely be into it.

GOSH anon you are absolutely right. cringe culture has done some serious damage to people's creativity and freedom of expression. doing things in earnest is now cringe to so many people (specifically that 18-21 age where they think they're better than everyone else and everything is cringe to them, image is everything) and they actually give you shit for it?? it's crazy. the most harmless thing in the world. whenever my hey arnold comics would leave my target audience on instagram i would get the meanest comments for no fucking reason, because i was taking hey arnold "seriously" (nevermind that hey arnold is probably the nicktoon with the most emotional depth and moments besides ginger but i digress) but hey at least i'm not the one losing my marbles over some random cartoon comic on the internet.

i think rudeness in general has been too normalized not just in fandom, but in social media in general. it's sad. the only thing you can do about it is be kind as much as you can to counterbalance it. i'd like to think that rubs off on people just like how being rude rubbed off on them.

i said that thing about holding back because i'm admittedly too hard on myself sometimes. no one is calling me cringe or making fun of me for what i do, thankfully, people have been super cool and supportive. and it means a lot to me because i'm very earnest about everything i create, even when i try to hold back. i literally cannot help being myself. it's all i know how to do. i'm just glad i was able to grow a platform where i'm free to be openly passionate about the things i like, talk about them and why i like them, the little things that i find fascinating, the emotions they make me feel, all of that shit is awesome and i wish more people did that.

[feelo-fick]

I. I. IM. I. HELLO?????????? HELLO. EXCUSE ME. HOLY SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK. (<- POSITIVE)

oh yeah addendum to my tags in that poll, it makes more sense if i put it this way : he'd run that shit like the navy at FIRST, and be super wound up about keeping everything in check, but as his sanity starts slipping his plans do as well. you know when a deadline gets closer and closer and you start frantically using whatever the first thing you think of is, and then in hindsight youre like "why did i make that decision??" thats what i feel like it is. like... panic/anxiety clouds the mind and makes you do stupid things. same thing with overconfidence. euphoria. lust. desperation. et cetera. decisions made in a short time limit/relying on instinct and feeling are often not the best

[sammy8d257]

Saved Messages - AvA Sticktober 2024 Day 17

Written by Sammy8D257

Part of the Watered Down Hot Chocolate: A Melted Marshmallows Side Story

Word Count: 2123

CW: Angst & Hurt No Comfort, Swearing, Parental Sickness (Purple's Mom), Character Death (Purple's Mom), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Summary:

You have 17 saved messages To listen to your messages, press 1 To send a message, press 2 To change your personal options, press 4 To disconnect, press * - [1]

[AvA STICKTOBER 2024 LIST]

[Ao3 ver.]

-

(LMAO- FINALLY POSTING THIS 2 WEEKS PAST THE END OF STICKTOBER, in my defense, I got busy and my attention was captivated by minecraft smp RP, RIP o7

I will preface this with a warning, this ficlet can get a little intense with the angst so take note of the CWs and take care of yourself! 💜)

=o=

You have 17 saved messages

To listen to your messages, press 1

To send a message, press 2

To change your personal options, press 4

To disconnect, press *

-

[1]

-

First Saved Message

Sent: March 2004

From: My Flower 🌸

"Hi baby! Hee-hee, I know you're just across the room but a certain someone is veeeeery excited about the new phones and wants to leave a very special message to test out the voicemail system."

[sounds of rustling]

"… okay now make sure to hold the phone like this- And speak clearly into here-"

"Hi papa! I have a super duper secret message to tell yah!"

[a pause before sounds of running feet across the floor]

"Wah-?! Purple my phon-"

 [a door slam]

"Mama hid the cookies on the top shelf!And I love you so much!! You're the best papa in the world!!"

[the sounds of shuffling and the door opening]

"There you are my little sprout. May I have my phone back please?"

[giggling]

"Thank you Purple. How about we go see if your papa gets your message. And yes Blue, I can still see you laughing even if you hide behind the door frame. So here's my message! I love you my dear."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Second Saved Message

Sent: March 2004

From: My Flower 🌸

"Hello my love, do you think you could do me a huge favor and pick Purple up from school today? The ladies at the boutique are running a lot later than expected and I'm afraid I'll be holed up here for another hour."

[a muffled greeting can be heard]

"Oh hello Jewel, it's always a pleasure to see you today! If you give me one moment, I'm just finishing up a message for my husband!"

[a muffled affirmation]

"Thank you darling, I'll be with you in one moment!

Ah, duty calls! I have to go but oh! Before I forget, remind me to have our discussion later tonight. You know I'm not as knowledgeable when it comes to the whole stick figure fighting scene and if you're so keen on Purple to learning, I'd like to get more details."

[the sound of a doorbell alert rings]

"Oh hello! Welcome!

… I have to go, I love you Blue, see you and our little sprout at home!"

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Third Saved Message

Sent: August 2011

From: Orchid

"..."

[a sigh]

"Listen, I know I'm probably one of the last people you want to talk to right now but whether you want to talk to me or our lawyers, we still need to discuss this."

"My lawyer stated that there are two routes we can take for this. Either we get fully divorced or we can do a legal separation. It is at the behest of my lawyer that we come to a decision soon and I'm inclined to agree."

"..." 

"If you don't want to talk to me, then fine. Get your lawyer to talk to mine. I just… I just don't want to drag this out any longer than it needs to be."

[another sigh]

[mumbled] "... shit I need to check on Purple again…"

"Goodbye Blue."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Fourth Saved Message

Sent: June 2013

From: Orchid

"... Hi Papa. It's been a bit. 

I uh, mama let me have her phone to play the tetris game and I clicked on the wrong thing, by accident! But it was the place with all the names and numbers and I found your name and it's been so long and I thought…

I turn 14 in a month. I think maybe, if you want, you could com-"

"Purple? Little sprout who are you talking to?"

"No one mama! I was-"

"May I have my phone back?"

"Yeah hold on let me just-"

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Fifth Saved Message

Sent: June 2013

From: Orchid

"Don't talk to Purple." 

"Do you hear me? Don't you ever talk to them again." 

"We don't need you."

"I'm giving Purple a phone for their birthday and when I do, I will text you their number."

"Block them."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Sixth Saved Message

Sent: July 2013

From: [BLOCKED NUMBER]

"Hi Papa! It's Purple. Mama gave me a phone for my birthday."

"I got your number from Mama's phone so now we can talk again! Ah, or you know, whenever you have time."

"..."

"Mama got mad at me for calling you last month. She's still upset about you and I-"

"..."

"I don't know how I feel. It's my fault. I should have been better. I know I messed up. I just…"

"Uh! Eh, I apologize. I shouldn't worry you with that stuff. I hope you're doing well! I tried texting you but the message said it didn't deliver? I'll have to ask Mama if I messed something up again."

"But I'll call you again soon! Or maybe text? Uh, we'll see!"

"Umm… bye!"

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Seventh Saved Message

Sent: May 2015

From: [BLOCKED NUMBER]

"Pap-uh… I mean, uh… Dad. Sorry. I'm sorry. I-"

[Three deep breaths]

"I'm sorry for calling you. I know you don't want me to. No one ever does but I don't know who else to call and I just-"

[another breath cut off by a short distressed whine]

"Mama she's- fuck, sorry I'm sorry. Mama is, we're, we're at the hospital. She collapsed and and and-"

"I'm scared. Dad, Papa, I'm scared. I don't-"

[A grunt followed by a hiss of pain]

[muffled] "Get a hold of yourself!"

[A deep breath]

"The nurse said to call someone in case Mama needs to stay overnight and I know you don't like me but- !"

[the sound of door opening]

[muffled] "Are you Ms. Orchid's child?"

"Yes, yes! Is she-?"

"Your mother is okay. The doctor is coming soon to look her over and she requested you to be present in the room for it."

"Okay okay, thank you, thank you. Let me just-"

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Eighth Saved Message

Sent: May 2015

From: Orchid

"Why did you call me?"

"No actually better question, how did you know I was in the hospital? I swear to Cursors Blue if you talked to Purple I am going to-"

[frustrated sigh]

"Look, it doesn't matter all right? I'm…"

"Well, it's nothing that concerns you anymore."

"If you really want to talk, call me in 5 hours. Purple will be in bed by then."

"Goodbye."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Ninth Saved Message

Sent: February 2017

From: Purple

"Hello sir."

"I apologize, I probably caught you at a bad time but before you close this message completely, please hear me out."

[a pause and a sharp intake]

"I need you to increase the amount of alimony you send per month. Not by a lot! I got a part time job recently so that should help a lot with the problem but I'm still concerned."

"..."

"Mama she… Orchid's treatments aren't working. Well they're not making things worse but she's not getting better either. We've been fine up until now with paying for medical stuff but there's a new treatment that I want her to try but it's a little more expensive. I just worry…"

"All I'm asking is at max an additional 5% of what you're already paying monthly. And I know how much that is because I do the taxes now."

"... Please. I just want her to be okay."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Tenth Saved Message

Sent: February 2017

From: The Man 🕶️

"Hey hey hey, Big Shot! Wasn't expecting a call from Mr. 'Killer Cobalt' himself on my day off. Sorry I missed yah the first time, you know how busy a man can get."

"But regardless! I listened to your message and I'll see what we can do about getting you that increase in pay. Gotta talk with the bigwigs. In the meantime, if you really are in need of more dough, your best bet is to find some additional gigs to fight at. I might be able to sign you up for a tournament if you want?"

"Eh, we'll hash out the details later, preferably tomorrow. You know what they say, 'All work and no play makes Granite a very dull boy'.

Heheh, alright catch you later Blue."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Eleventh Saved Message

Sent: March 2017

From: Purple

"Thank you."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Twelfth Saved Message

Sent: March 2018

From: Orchid

[a muffled steady beeping]

"..."

"You know, despite it being months, no years of this happening to me, I still can't believe this is it."

[a shaky chuckle]

"I was hoping for you to be in the middle of a match to call you just so I didn't have to have this conversation in person. But now that I'm here, I wish I could hear your voice again."

"I wish I could hear you say you love me again… It's pathetic…"

[a wet laugh]

"Heartbreak. That's what I was diagnosed with. Heartbreak that developed into an actual heart condition because of my animation origins. Can you fucking believe that? All of this because I came from a drama animation."

"I don't know why I never told you… That's a lie, I know why. My pride. My pride didn't let me. I didn't want to believe you leaving had any effect on me. I didn't want to believe anything was wrong. I wanted to believe without you, everything could just go back to normal."

[a sob bit back with a laugh]

"Instead, I messed everything up. We failed them. I failed them. I failed Purple. I kept it all hidden until it was too late. What parent has their child to look after them like this? They just turned 18 a few months ago. They're still so young. And now I'm never going to see them grow-"

[sobbing]

"It's not fair. To any of us. I wish it didn't have to be like this. I wish you weren't such an asshole. I wish you didn't leave. I wish we never met. I wish I didn't still…"

"..."

"Goodbye Blue. I wish I didn't miss you."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Thirteenth Saved Message

Sent: April 2018

From: Purple

[sobbing]

"FUCK FUCK- BLUE- DAD- PAPA PLEASE"

"SHE'S DYING! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE-

I KNOW YOU HATE ME! I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE!

SHE'S DYING

IF YOU CARED ABOUT HER, IF YOU EVER CARED AT ALL, YOU'D BE HERE-

YOU CAN HELP HER

I CAN'T- SHE'S-

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE

MAMA-

[sobbing and a thump]

Mama… 

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Fourteenth Saved Message

Sent: April 2018

From: Purple

"Fuck you. FUCK YOU"

"I hope you rot in hell. I hope there isn't a day where you don't regret your fucking actions and I hope you suffer for it."

"I hate you. I hate that you did this. I hate that you aren't here. I hate that I wasn't enough. I hate this. I hate you. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU-"

[sounds of sobbing, a frustrated scream and then loud crash]

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Fifteenth Saved Message 

Sent: April 2018

From: 

"Thank you for calling Obelisk Funeral Services, I'm calling to confirm that full payment for the funeral of Orchid Grove has been handled by one, Blue "Killer Cobalt" Stick Figure, instead of the previously listed Purple Grove Stick Figure. All parties will be informed once the transaction goes through. A list of details will be emailed to all acting parties. If you have any questions, please call the call back number at the end of this message.

Obelisk Funeral Services appreciates your time, thank you."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Sixteenth Saved Message

Sent: April 2018

From: The Man 🕶️

"Hey Big Man, I got your message."

"Yeah, I get it yah know. A death in the family is always rough. Don't worry about nothin'. Take as many days off as you need."

"Heh, Cursors know it's been a minute for you."

"Just keep me updated on a time frame and we'll be right as rain."

"Take it easy buddy."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

Seventeenth Saved Message

Sent: May 2018

From: Purple

"..."

"Thank you for paying for the funeral. I didn't see you there but…"

"I saw the flowers you put on her grave. They're lovely."

"..."

"I've made a decision. I'm leaving. The house and its belongings are yours to do as you want. Store it or sell it. It doesn't matter."

"I'm going to a place where you won't be able to find me. Do not try. I do not want to be found."

"..."

"If you care… just know I will be safe."

"Goodbye Blue."

[END OF MESSAGE]

-

End of Messages;

To listen to your messages, press 1

To send a message press 2

To change your personal options press 4

To disconnect press *

-

[1]

[airenyah]

wait i totally forgot there was a new ep of bmf out today

wow who knows when i'll get round to watching it

[demadogs]

remember how insane it was when stranger things released a s3 recap before s4 came out and they played the dialogue of mike and wills entire fight, will tearing down castle byers, and not mike and els break up or either of them saying they love each other lmao

[ayzaart]

graffiti (pow-pow and jinx)

[aroaceleovaldez]

i am definitely the only person who cares about this but I was re-reading parts of Sea of Monsters (irrelevent as to why) and. in the chariot race. well, a.) The Ares cabin has skeleton horses. where did they get skeleton horses? and then, actually more confusingly, b.) almost all the other chariots besides Hephaestus cabin (they have automatons) have normal horses. not pegasi. Percy actually specifically identifies the Apollo chariot’s horses by breed which is very funny to me because Of Course He Would but like. We never see CHB have normal horses at any other point in time? Where did they get the horses?

[tempestmothstorm]

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

Yeah this is just straight up canon. But i have more thoughts though. So.

Like if you look into her dialogue is like abundantly clear that she’s just suicidal. It’s different from someone like Sayori who’s actively suicidal because she feels she is worse than everyone else, or Yuri who I don’t know is suicidal but has self harming tendencies she takes too far in act 2, or Natsuki who isn’t at all and is like “wtf are you guys ok”. The answer is no btw.

Monika’s whole outlook on it is that she has a lot of passive suicidal ideation that she pushes aside because she has to be the best. Her issue isn’t centered around her specifically being bad but instead a feeling of pointlessness with existing and the fact that the act existing itself puts burden on the world.

She’s also the type to make jokes about it, which I think is telling about her attitude about death, especially when compared to the others where the idea of dying is still terrifying and scary and something to hide. Meanwhile Monika acts casually as if people’s lives actually don’t matter. We all know her “left her hanging joke” and her general nonchalance with the other girls’ deaths, but the secret poem “A Joke” is probably written by Monika too, and the punchline is another reference to sayori’s death. The special poem about cutting is also by Monika, which shows that she would self harm if it weren’t for her needing to be the ‘responsible one’, and that she’d only do it again if she killed herself. She writes it as if it was a quirky relatable diary entry and not something deeply concerning, which in of itself is also deeply concerning.

There’s also the iiiiiiiiiiii.txt file that has her say that it would be “really easy to kill (herself) right now”. Reasonably the easiest way to do it would be to delete herself. While her constantly reminding the player how easy it would be to delete her is supposed to be a hint on what to do next, it does say something about her when she constantly fixates on it, almost as if she’d thought about it. Like a lot. She thinks about suicide and mental illness just as much too. Also a lot. And existential philosophy a lot. And death too. Again. A lot.

Her friends aside, she clearly just thinks about these things on her own, which implies some real bad things about her mental health considering literally everything else we know about her. Like it’s pretty obvious she’s not ok base game. And yet she doesn’t go through, in fact actively avoiding getting deleted because she still wants to see you. Because you are her only hope.

While her attachment to the player has like a dozen factors influencing it, I think a lot of it is also connected to her more suicidal ideas. She does emphasize that you “saved her” a lot in act 3 and while it mean saving her from her reality, knowing some of the other talks, it also could have saved her from giving up entirely.

Not to get too repetitive about how her life sucks, but like she really has no reason to exist in her eyes post epiphany. Nothing outside the literature club exists, there’s no past or future, everything is fake and has no consequence on the real world, and worst of all she’s completely alone with whatever connections she could have being fake. I think this one quote from her “introverts” talk basically sums up her situation:

"You know, I really do think you literally saved my life by being here with me, [player]."

"I can't imagine having been able to keep myself mentally stable, knowing that nothing here is real."

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

"Sorry, i don't mean to sound dramatic or anything."

"Ahaha!"

"But I'm sure you understand yourself after spending so much time in the club."

"I mean, if you were forced to abandon everything in your life and spend your eternity with a few game characters..."

"...You'd probably find some way of killing yourself, wouldn't you?"

But yeah something something the connections you have with others gives life meaning and when the relationships she did have turned out to be false, she reached out to you, whose love could be real and whose existence as a real person is the only thing that could give her life meaning.

Another Monika talk that’s relevant would be the “No reason to be alive” talk. I’m not posting the entire thing here because it’s too long but the entire thing is pretty relevant. In it she talks about how living is pointless because you probably aren’t special and your existence alone takes up dozens of resources that isn’t worth wasting.

This highlights two factors that I think influence her thought process. One is that she feels like existence is worthless and likely won’t affect society at large, and with the whole being a video game thing the connection is obvious. The other is that she worries about how much of a burden she is on society. She wants to earn her right to exist in this world. When her reality doesn’t exist, this specific framework doesn’t seem that relevant, but when it comes to being a burden to others this ends up becoming a lot more alarming (and also creates another Sayori parallel yayyyyyyy)

Notably she mentions the key to happiness is to live selfishly and just look out for yourself and your friends. This can’t really apply in her own reality when she can’t see her friends as sentient, but when it comes to you, she can deliver just fine. She says she want to “live (her) life desperately striving to pay back (her) lifetime's worth of consumption” and with her own reality being pointless, paying back the people around her (you) is the next best thing.

But what if she failed to

"Of course, even if I fail to do that..."

"I think I would be too selfish to kill myself anyway."

"So much for being a good person, right?"

Sure thing buddy.

Another thing i want to mention is that it’s implied that these thoughts aren’t new. Like with some of these talks it’s ambiguous whether these ideas came pre or post epiphany. With her whole nihilistic thinking in base game contrasting side stories, it wouldn’t be that surprising if her thoughts got a whole lot more cynical over time. But she does seem to talk as if she’s thought about them for a while, while the epiphany was apparently recent in her memory.

For example in the “Dying” talk:

“It's something I used to think about pretty often..."

And in the “No reason to be alive” talk

"But the older I get, the more I realize that it's an immature frame of thinking."

Uh yeah these ideas aren’t new.

Of course it was probably taken to an extreme post epiphany and thinking about existential topics is normal. By itself it’s probably not some secret sign of mental illness, or at least not anything severe. (Sure she talks about a lot of stuff like mental health issues but it doesn’t really reflect on her, it just shows she can understand others perspective. Like she can talk about the introvert experience without being an introvert. Idk she’s just very empathetic and reflects a lot on the world. Makes her epiphany a lot more ironic though. So.)

But her post epiphany persona was very much built on preexisting ideas she had before that. It might not be that serious, but the fact that it’s there at all is concerning knowing what we do. The implications that come if this is all true is facilitating tbh and it honestly makes the side stories more interesting too. Like her whole “i have to be the best” attitude is probably connected to all her worries about being a burden or worthless.

And her whole thing in trust becomes a lot more layered too. The standard she holds for herself are not carried over to Sayori, who she sees as deserving of life just by being herself. She doesn’t want to be a burden or distract from Sayori’s problems, because her own true self isn’t good enough. Sayori is reassured that her existence is valuable and that she isn’t being a burden, something that goes against Monika’s entire act 3 talk yet is some she believes wholeheartedly.

This is also contrasted by base game where she straight up jokes about her death because death barely matters to her either. In base game, Sayori doesn’t matter, she isn’t special or even sentient, just a pile of code that gets in the way of Monika’s plans to reach the player. In base game Sayori is worthless and a burden, where Monika’s worldview has extended to everyone else. Yet in side stories she doesn’t think that, her standards only applies to herself because she loves her friends, they are what give her life meaning. Of course they deserve to live. They don’t need to prove their worth.

She’s a hypocrite because she values her friends more than anything. Again, the Sayori parallels are obvious from this angle, she has these exact same thoughts, with the only difference being that base game Monika projects her fears of worthlessness onto everything else while sides stories has her a lot more similar to Sayori.

Now the difference between side stories Monika and base game is really just how far their ideals reach, because normally Monika is like ok mentally , while in base game she’s suicidal along with everything else. Forget her saying she’s too selfish to do it cause it’s heavily implied she does do it in other universes.

Speaking of which I never hear people mention the MES emails in this cause a singular line puts into perspective how influential the player’s presence is on Monika and just how bad her mental health is. She is the MES’ guinea pig that everyone wants to see suffer (actually I don’t know how common knowledge this is I just got here and mostly stick to tumblr so idk)

So with the Side Stories MES email i think with all the lore drops we sorta forgot some of the more self explanatory info, including the fact that they have multiple VMs of ddlc and that there were “3 or 4 of them created and then destroyed by Monika”

While most people conclude this is just a reference to base game i think a lot of people dismiss that fact that these aren’t the game VMs, these VMs have no access to a player. Yknow. The player she relies on that supposedly saved her life.

Yeah i think she just deletes everything including her in apparently 4 separate universes. She kills her self in 4 universes.

She deletes everything in act 3 too but specifically because they get in her way between you, and the only reason she doesn’t delete herself there is that she still wants to see you. When the idea of reaching you is crushed, she gives in. By act 4 she ends up like all the other VMs, deleting everything knowing she can’t have you, can’t have reality. I mean the only thing keeping her going is the dream of reaching reality and finding real connections to people, and the idea that her existence will forever be meaningless probably pushed her to the extreme.

The player is the only real person who can give her life meaning and value, and in a world where the rest are seemingly fake, you’re also the only human connection she has. Again, the things that keep her going is her life being valuable in some way and the people around her. Post epiphany she only has you to care for with everyone else being thrown to the wayside without consideration of their own wellbeing.

So of course in act 4, where her connect to you is severed and she is suddenly aware of the harm she’s caused, she’s the lowest she’s ever been. Her reason for living is to be there for her friends and somehow pay back reality for how much she’s taken. And yet she let her friends die and let herself use them for her own selfish gain. She failed them, and has therefore become someone she see as not deserving of life. And with her last hope of the player rejecting her reach, she has no reason to keep going. So in the Easter egg where the player tries to bring her file back after deletion, she refuses to follow. She doesn’t deserve to intrude on their happy ending. She doesn’t deserve to come back.

And she doesn’t.

In future games she’ll probably return though, and with all the secret files and her motivations in the normal ending, I feel like it’s going to be for redemption by finally being there for her club.

She sticks around because no matter how much guilt she feels about just existing, she still wants to be there for her friends. Because while a lot of the act 3 dialogue was not meant to be something people agree with, there was one thing that I feel like is good if you look at it in the right way. Maybe people can’t pay back for the lifetime of consumption they’ve done just by living, but people can pay back and be worth existing just by looking out for their friends and those closest to them. Even if there can be doubts about life and existence as a whole, it doesn’t matter in the end when there’s joy to be found in the people you care about. Even if you make mistakes or hurt them, you can still find a way to make it up to them, to still deserve happiness in the end. The one thing that makes life worth it is the bonds you form with others. Because the people around you are what give life meaning.

She can’t let go and she can’t give up because she still has people she loves and wants to protect. So she’ll keep living for the people she loves. That’s all she needs to do in this world to make it worth living.

I hope she succeeds.

(Side note i took a lot of the Monika talk examples from this post. I did have my own ideas even before i read the doc and I already knew about this stuff anyways i just don’t wanna scroll through the entire wiki again to see all the Monika talks and this is pretty comprehensive. The extra imput is also useful so yeah)(anyways thanks for reading this really long tumblr essay. Good job and drink water ;D)

i would like to bring up that monika has probably considered deleting herself before

like staring at a high cliffside and getting the urge to jump

[necrotic-nephilim]

in lieu of having posted any writing/headcanons/asks in the past few days because i have been *so* busy and unable to do anything fandom-related which is terrible and evil, i have a poll out of morbid curiosity and self-indulgence. i've been meaning to ramble here about how i feel about DC's lack fo Deaf representation and which Batfam members i would personally make Deaf, but i am mildly curious about the larger opinion and now i will subject you all to the question, i would love to hear thoughts/opinions/headcanons on any specific choices. (would love d/Deaf/HoH opinions esp but i'm mostly expecting this to reach the hearing crowd, so opinions from hearing ppl are ones i'm very curious about. if you've never given it thought before you are going to now or else /lh)

[fryday]

i think the most important thing i've realised about running a fandom blog is that whatever you make should literally all be for yourself. nobody is going to consume this same media and process it the way you do, or be inspired by it the same way you will, or, therefore, create the same things for it like you will. so the chances are high that the only way you're gonna see the stuff you wanna see out there in your fandom space - is to make it yourself. you're manifesting your vision for yourself, and by that, other people can either enjoy it or not, but it's really secondary to the point of it all

[perilegs]

i know astrology is fake but i'm not too keen on how a lot of people on this website seem to be clowning on it as a hobby a bit too hard. i swear the woman who thinks it's neat how she and her friends with the same sun sign are all similar isn't trying to say that you are who you are born as and there is nothing you can do to change it. it's a hobby. an interest. what happened to finding meaning and joy in the small things. does it affect you if someone enjoys tarot reading or crystals. does it make you upset someone has interests that they enjoy.

[kiragecko]

Disabled people are the experts on our bodies and should be trusted to decide what is best for us. But ALSO, I have spent approaching 40 years in aggressively scent-free environments, because my mama and I are not STUPID and wish to stay alive, and I regularly forget that various things HAVE perfumed options. Even when those items are perfumed 90% of the time.

"Of COURSE you can light a candle, I love fire!"

"Oh, can you throw my sweater in with the other clothes that got muddy? It's cold out and I'd like to wear it home."

"I'm gonna go over and play with those long sticks in the pretty holder. Your knickknacks are so PRETTY!"

So please, if you know your friends and they are as easily distracted from their own health as I am, ask them if they WANT you to step in before they murder themselves via easily avoided dangers. The amount of times I have had to choose between

having my brain shut down from fumes that I accidentally okayed, and

awkwardly telling someone that actually all their work needs to be undone because I forgot that people like pretty smells

is an unpleasantly high number.