#it was just all very much my jam
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I have been a bit quiet of late on here...but for once, it's a good thing. I was off having the time of my life in NYC!!
I rarely feel immediately comfortable in a place in the way I did in NYC and I'm still at a loss to explain why. It just...fitted with my brain. There are too many magic things to recall - the view from 30 Rock, witnessing a total solar eclipse along with half of NYU in Washington Square Park...
I saw artworks I never expected to see in real life (the Signac portrait of French writer Félix Fénéon at MoMA, on the left) and that chimed nicely with my vibe (the painting of the young woman on right, at the Met, called...'A Rose').
I cried at the Tenement Museum in dealing with my family history, and had one of the greatest martinis of my life at Bemelman's Bar.
And best of all, I got to hang out with @paulmescal-s in real life, eat Spanish food, walk the High Line, blush like sluts at t-shirts featuring That Man, and answer the question "hey, are you both wearing Diego Luna t-shirts?" while buying cheesecake.
Next time I'm going back to the NYPL to work in the reading room that bears my name.
Oh, and obviously I bought these, in Economy Candy on the Lower East Side.
I miss that goddamned city so much.
#personal post#rambling rose#crying outside museums is surprisingly not normal for me#but i was very moved#had a full on fangirl moment in the met too#it was just all very much my jam#and then the food#and the subway even made me very happy#that's how much i liked it#rose does nyc
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#noibat was one of the first pokémon i ever shiny hunted in sv#and so i can say definitively that noibat's shiny is much much better than noivern#noibat's shiny has that like. very cool teal on black look which is an awesome color scheme#meanwhile noivern looks like my fursona when i was twelve‚ when i just wanted to jam every color i liked into one design#it's tacky as fuck. i don't mind it all the time but i mind it just enough when i look at noibat's shiny to remember what we missed out on#noibat
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SOMEbody failed his wisdom save to resist unlimited tadpole power, and that somebody is definitely my tav Mayhew. a WIP:
mindflayers are incredibly fun to draw fwiw, do recommend
#i don't usually do linework but it's super fun#the bg3 theme about loss of identity - often expressed through increasing monstrosity - is incredibly my jam#what if you can't make it through as the same person you began - literally? what if you save everyone and are made worse for it?#what if you're a liar and a cheat in a story where consequences are inevitable & inescapable? what if there are debts that always come due?#how much worse would you make yourself for love? for curiosity? for the sake of others who deserve better? for power?#mayhew's answer so far to all of those has been 'a lot worse' and consequences just came to call#bg3#the emperor#bg3 emperor#mayhew#gnome tav#my art#me drawing: how buff can i make a tentacle. very buff? even buffer than that?
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still breakin up? nah i only know still breakin down cause that’s where my ass is at
#i’m not funny#brody grant#im going to kms#I HATE ALBINISM‼️‼️ NOTHING GOOD COMES OF IT IM JUST BLIND AND PIGMENTLESS#ocular migraines blow ass fuck you albinism#it’s not that bad i’m just being a baby lol the blue light probably ain’t helping either#i’m very unfunny sorry#but we’re jamming#that song is gonna end up in my top 100 huh#i’m ashamed#not funny didn't laugh#im gonna end it all#in all seriousness i’m fine it’s just smth a little advil can fix#but i’m just lowkey mad at this dumbass drawing and it’s burnt me out so so so much but it’ll be worth it in the end#🫶
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hmmmm do i stay up until get deep fried comes out
#camera talks#the answer is yes#truly no bc it comes out at 12 BUT. im so so so excited.#guys it’s a silly song about cthulhu and monsters etc and it’s so so fun#i find it hilarious#im very tired so maybe i will just listen to it tomorrow while doing my speech but idkkkk#its Only 1 more hour#i love the narcissist cookbook so much. all their songs delight me#i also really like Accident? and The Year of Confusion from jam mechanics#(listennnn to jam mechanicssss)#omg bug hunter The Opera ?!??!?!!? literally so good rhgrghrgsgh <33#i love all the released jam mechanics songs rn. the hook <33 sBUGi <33 dissin' <33#but the demos are so so good and i want them all to be songs </33
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By the Shores of Silver Lake was my least favorite Little House book as a kid, and upon starting the reread, I could see why. Earlier books had Laura as a child observer--not engaging in or totally understanding the wider world of the adults, but still engrossed in the simple joys of childhood. In this book, Laura is neither child nor adult--she's too old to play like a child, but she's too young to take an active part in adult life, so she's stuck in this awkward middle ground.
Yet as the book went on, I started to see that that was the point. This book is about growing up, about being on the brink of adulthood and trying to hold onto childhood while also becoming someone new. Laura's growing-up is paralleled with the "growing up" of the country around her. Both the old and the new ways of life have their benefits and their downsides, and Laura has to figure out how to hold onto the best of both.
The prairie is beautiful, wondrous, free. Laura would love to just roam forever, always traveling west, always seeing new places. She doesn't want to marry, doesn't want to teach school, doesn't want anything to change about her way of life. But one can't stay a child forever. Eventually, the infinite possibility of childhood has to turn into the definite identity of adulthood. She has to take responsibility and settle down. The arrival of the town brings that adult life to the prairie, and in doing so, it destroys the innocent wonders of nature--the majestic wolves lose their home, the buffalo are gone, and the ducks no longer land at Silver Lake. Laura has to wrestle with this--is childhood, for herself and the prairie, gone forever? Does she have to let go of childlike wonder and embrace the mundane responsibility of adult life?
This theme is resolved when Laura finds Grace in the buffalo wallow. It's a place of impossible magic and beauty, a carpet of fragrant violets hidden away from the world with butterflies flying overhead, so perfect it seems like a fairyland. Of course Grace, the innocent child, is the one who was able to find it. When Laura asks Pa about it later, he explains that the "fairies" that made this magical ring were buffalo. There's a mundane explanation for the phenomenon, but that doesn't destroy the wonder and beauty of the place--adult knowledge enhances, rather than destroys childlike wonder. The buffalo might be gone, but there's still beauty left behind. Laura can move forward into the future and know that there are still wonders to find. She can be an adult and still maintain a childlike wonder, can take responsibility and still find comfort in the safety of home and family.
This thematic resonance made so much about the book so much deeper. It's the message of the entire series distilled into story form. Remember the past, children, but go forth boldly into the future. It's a message much easier to see with an adult's eyes, so I'm so glad I gave this book another chance.
#on the shores of silver lake#little house#laura ingalls wilder#i probably only saw this theme#because i just read her collection of fairy poems#and read a bunch of her farm columns where this theme is very prominent#she loves the simple joys of life#emphasizes the importance of hanging onto wonder and joy in the face of simple tasks#her descriptions of how much she loved taking out the cattle as a child made those scenes hit much deeper#those are the times when she gets to see the beauty of nature!#it makes the mundane chore a chance for beautiful reflection!#that kind of thing is all over this book and you know it's my jam#the point where this book really started to make sense was the scene with the wolves#laura faces this majestic wolf in the moonlight and it's like a fairy tale#the fading away of a fairy king#and suddenly everything about the theme just snapped into place#if i were a scholar my dissertation would be#'these books aren't just an old lady's memories or her daughter's libertarian tracts they're art and can we please talk about them like art
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oh i'm gonna be so annoying about this album..... i even took notes while listening to this just now...
#first of all supernova i'm gonna be so annoying abt that song i can feel it in my bones the instrumental is crazy the vocal layering is#making me ascend to the sky fr i LOOOOVEEE this sound for them and i can't wait to hear it in full!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#next set the tone actually a great sound for an aespa beside structurally it reminds me of the savage bsides like i'll make you cry or even#iconic but yeah she's soooo aespa to me and i love it too#then mine instantly put it as one of my favorites already bc LISTENNNNNNN darkspa i love you so much i love this salty&sweet darker prettie#and sluttier sister and s&s was already all of that omfg#next licorice the BASSSSS are we hearing her??????? INSANE and again aespa and their heavenly vocal layering i just can't i'm foaming at th#mouth as i'm typing this i'm so serious#okay to the fun songs bahama is gonna be my feel good summer beach vibe jam i already know it and if better thing wouldve gotten an album#she wouldve been on there. perfect summer sound#long chat too she sounds really cute maybe not as memorable to be as bahama or even live my life but DAMN i love a good upbeat track#prologue feels like a little interlude to me and the BABY IM A WEIRDO :D I KNOW ! was so silly sdjfksjfdf plsssss but a cute sound overall#live my life TURN THAT SHIT UPPPPPPPPPP the most cheery track and i'm strapped in to listen to it until i die. also an eri track to me#melody ahhh my reve daughters ik they would be proud of this song it's sounds very beautiful already#much more up my alley than their previous ballads ngl#in conclusion i'm gonna be the most annoying person on the dash once all these songs are revealed to the public and#i am already sosososososososo in love with this album what the FACK#000
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i enter the my shop catalogue i black out and i wake up with several new dragons in my inventory i may have a problem
#animal jam#animal jam play wild#LOOK. when people are pricing these guys at like. 75-150 sapphires my brain goes ‘oh thats not too much at all i can buy that its not alot!#and then i’m like ‘ah. it seems my collection grows’#i cant help it i just love the dragons so much#me and my partner joked abt the 500 dollar mareep meme being him and me w my hoard of dragons#very fitting
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Goddamn. Let it rain all over me, Only pain will set me free, How did I hit rockbottom?
#GODDAM is right Mr Adamross#yall don't sleep on Glass Heart oof#the fact that Adam could very well do power metal is just baffling to me. he has these little belting moments that are just so 🥰☺️😚#darya stop crushing on Adam challenge (impossible)#no but fr they're legitimately so so good. i so want to see them live#my beloved welsh barbie. what can't he do? 😚#Vessel bring him on stage just once it would be so fun#do you ever think how much fun they all must have during times off/on tour?#cus the Boys plus Esperas plus SP MUCH of the crew are insanely musically talented. jam sessions must go SO hard#oh to be a little hair on iii's mustache so i could experience it all 😌#ANYWAYS#glass heart#darya's mixtape#Spotify
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A Pearl by Mitski is kinda post Jaylex into Jam territory if you think about it.
Hello? Mind reader?? You are so correct???
This is even better mind reading because of what I was writing like right before I remembered i had this ask and wanted to answer it and shit. Like???? This is very much post Jaylex and into Jam, BUT it is also post Jaylex the first time they "broke up" oh my god.
Hang on, I'll explain it with the lyrics lol
Lyric analysis time because for some reason this is like my favourite thing to do when I wanna think about sorry its locked but can't actually write it for whatever reason.
You're growing tired of me You love me so hard and I still can't sleep You're growing tired of me And all the things I don't talk about
SO ABOUT THAT POST JAYLEX'S FIRST 'BREAK UP' ehehhehehehehehheheh. Right, so, after Alex started dating Amy in college, Jay did (eventually) start trying to, like, date and have sex with other people. He never really managed to date anyone, it was always just not-quite-actually-casual casual sex. And they always ended up getting tired of Jay, because they were trying their best and he was hung up on Alex still (and would be for the next rest-of-his-life) And Jay never actually talked to them about why he was the way he way, just learned to warn them ahead of time to try and scare them away so that he wouldn't end up getting hurt when they inevitably got too upset with him over something and broke it off with him.
And, obviously. Yeah, Jam. Jay's so worried that the same thing that happened with Alex and all the other people is gonna happen with Tim, and if it did it'd probably break him even worse than Alex did, honestly. Purely because the stuff with Tim would stack on top of the stuff with Alex and they'd become one thing and Jay would just not know how to deal with that literally at all.
Sorry, I don't want your touch It's not that I don't want you Sorry, I can't take your touch
Pre first Jaylex break up. Yeah. One of the reasons Jay got broken up with by at least one person was that they were meant to behaving casual sex, and Jay went through a period of time where he just, really really couldn't. Which like, fair, and fair i guess for the person being like, yeah i'll go find someone else to have sex with. but also they did it in a nasty way so never mind, fuck them lmao. (I just love putting Jay through shit lmao, I'm so sorry to that poor guy, I need to write a lil fluffy oneshot of him and Tim just being okay)
It's just that I fell in love with a war Nobody told me it ended And it left a pearl in my head And I roll it around every night Just to watch it glow Every night, baby, that's where I go
Ow. Just. Ow.
Cos, yeah, Jay did. He really, really did fall in love with a war didn't he? That whole relationship with Alex was just this constant series of battles with himself and his feelings for Alex, and battles with Alex himself because of how he treated Jay and how Jay wanted to be treated. And his brain can't fully comprehend that Tim's not going to just be the exact same as everyone else, the exact same as Alex. And the thing is that Tim IS going to be different, but they're not going to have enough time for Jay's head to actually wrap itself around that so that he can believe it.
And obviously, they never could get enough time, because of all the shit with the operator, but Tim at least is holding out hope that they'll both survive is and they'll get the time afterwards.
Sorry, I don't want your touch It's not that I don't want you Sorry, I can't take your touch
Jay's so scared that having issues with intimacy is gonna fuck up his chances with Tim, but it wont. Logically he knows it wont (and I refuse to make them angsty enough that Jay wouldn't bother to say no if he didn't wanna do something) but there is still this little part of his head that says that if he goes too long not wanting to have sex, it'll somehow fuck something up.
There's a hole that you fill You fill, you fill
Also I fully intend for Jay to be very unhealthy about Tim :] Just like he was very unhealthy about Alex (especially back in college)
Poor guy's gonna fucking idolize Tim once he realizes Tim really really actually likes him. Which, y'know. Not good. Thankfully Jay's lil eventual obsession or whatever it is (idk, a hyperfixation on a person? that's what I called it. Basically, pretty much every waking thought Jay has is somehow about Tim/reminds him of Tim, if Tim is even slightly in a bad mood Jay assumes it's because of him and gets viciously terrified that Tim's going to leave him and hate him forever, he'd accept any kind of 'penance' or punishment from Tim for whatever he did wrong, if anything bad happens to Tim Jay get's violently enraged and wants to 'fix it' the quickest way possible, etc. He basically feels like Tim is perfect and he can't live without him. idk if that makes sense? I'm tired and never figured out what the fuck this thingy is, but i'm giving it to Jay)
Tim is Jay's missing piece, and Jay's going to hack at his own edges to make sure that Tim fits him, just like he did back in college to try and make Alex fit him.
He's just made up of pieces of himself and other people that he sawed off and cobbled together to make sure that the person he was in love with would perfectly 'complete' and 'fix' him.
But it's just that I fell in love with a war And nobody told me it ended And it left a pearl in my head And I roll it around every night Just to watch it glow Every night, baby, that's where I go Just to watch it glow
goddamnit now i wanna plan a fic to dive into Tim and Jay's relationship after sorry its locked and before Jay dies, just so I can make Jay not okay and Tim not okay, but their brand of not okay works well enough for the short amount of time they have together. If Jay lived they'd have the worlds messiest break up oh my god lmao.
why do i torture them like this?
#Also like oh my god i've been looking for this song for so fucking long because meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee lmao#honestly tho. this is such a perfect song for Jaylex as a whole. and the start of Jam#Mostly it's about Jay just being very unhealthy about all the people he falls in love with#he can't be fixed in the amount of time he has left. but if he lived and didn't end up running the fuck away from Tim i think he could heal#and still stay in a relationship with Tim. but itd be really hard and a LOT of work#they could do it. but also sorry its locked has everyone who dies in canon die in it. because i love the angst of:#“Jay dies in Alex's arms because he can't deny himself the chance to be held by Alex one last time” and:#Alex goes to Tim for help dying because he literally can't kill himself and he's so broken over having to kill Jay that he doesn't care#anymore. And he knows Tim has managed to live with the Operator sickness. so if anyone is left alive. yeah it should be Tim#That's too much words in the tags woops#marble hornets#marble hornets fanfic#alex kralie#tim wright#marble hornets fanfiction#jay merrick#jaylex#mh jam#MH sorry its locked
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i think The al Ghul Siblings like dancing. they had a fucked up childhood and now they just like jamming. it’s fun because they’re seemingly very dignified and weird and then they just start going nuts when given music. i have no basis for this, it just makes me happy.
#louise.txt#i think that they all get a little less weird in some ways if they’re siblings but much more weird in others#like they’re all still very fucked up. very traumatized. but in other special ways now#i’ll probably make another post about that#btw if you haven’t seen my hc style yet. it is just jamming character in situations and making shit up from there.#see: the katya/george thing from a few years ago#i don’t CARE if it doesn’t make sense. it’s real because i said so.#damian wayne#athanasia al ghul#mara al ghul
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yesterday the lady I've been helping with housekeeping picked her daughter up from daycare early, who was very adamant that I watch tv with her, so once I finished the rest of the stuff for her mom, I watched over her shoulder on her tablet for a bit. it was like, some deeply vapid looking obviously low budget 3dcg cartoon she'd found on netflix that had some uninspired stereotypical "for girls" plotline going on and in my head I was like, is this really interesting for you??? there's gotta be better children's programming out there these days right???
so naturally I'm currently I'm scheming about how to send landlady copies of like, classic magical girl stuff or between the lions or even pokemon or something
#I haven't really interacted with the kid much since she's always at daycare while I'm working#but from what I gather she has a big tomboyish streak#so I do wonder how much like#pretty princess tea party jam#the show where they just stand around and talk in one of 3 sets because action and variety are hard to animate on zero budget#is actually interesting to her vs just something she's just looking at because it has all the markers of 'for girls' stuff#and she's at the age where she can understand that's what she's expected in a general sense to be interacting with#idk. I feel like I'm thinking about this too hard and it's really not my problem#but I do suspect that she would have been insane about that wave of very toku inspired magical girl stuff that was popular back in the day
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adulthood is just visiting ur friends, saying "damn bitch, you live like this?" (affectionate) and aggressively helping them clean up while they politely tell you that you don't have to do that. and then having friends do that to you when they visit your apartment.
#eliot posts#one of my friends often does not make his bed and sleeps on a bare-ass mattress so i INSIST on at least putting a fitted sheet on#(and then normally just fully make the bed too bc might as well)#i tell him to ''stop rawdogging the mattress''/''put some protection on that nasty thang''#bc i of course must use the most cursed language available#it only takes like 5 minutes to do and is very worth it#and then i have this second friend who takes this to a whole nother level#he does my dishes every time he visits and lemme tell you. the dish situation around here gets DIRE.#he did like 4 sinkfulls when he was here last#and motivated me to clean the rest of the kitchen while he did that#it took like an hour and we ran out of hot water#but WAY faster than if i had tried to handle that shit alone#and we had fun and jammed to 80s music#another person i'm only loose friends with but i helped her clean a ton of trash from her dorm last time i visited#bc she was on the tail end of a depressive episode and i KNOW how that is#this only works w certain kinds of cleaning tho. you can't tidy up/organize other ppl's shit‚ for example#bc you don't know where anything is supposed to go and you'll likely make things more difficult in the end#amd it just requires you to handle all their personal belongings and open their drawers and shit#and there's a 90% chance that'll make them uncomfortable and like you're violating their space#but shit like dishes is generally very much fair game and won't make them uncomfortable#tho sometimes you gotta ask if there's a specific way they like their dishes washed bc some ppl are picky abt that#ANYWAY#is it obvious my love language* is acts of service?#*(tho the 5 love languages thing is a VAST over-simplification and things are not actually clear cut like that)
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ah i see! freckliephil is your gay youth friend!
this somehow feels further off the mark i'm so sorry anon. does gay youth friend mean a friend i made as a youth? because we met as adults. does gay youth friend mean they're somehow significantly younger than me in a noteworthy manner? because we're less than a year apart in age i really don't know where the youth thing is coming from
it's also definitely inaccurate to simplify things to just the mainstream understanding of what friendship looks like 💛 sometimes two people are just gay and insane about each other in a way there isn't a word for yet!
#i did very much move over 2000 miles to live in the same city as them (+my current roommate).#i just am lucky enough to be soulmates with a bunch of people who are in my life in category defying ways#& ideally we'll all get to grow old in community together!#anon#jam replies#but listen i'm not joking about the category defying importance of people in my life.#one of my uncategorizable soulmates is someone my husband and i have known since we were all 12 then dated for a year when we were 21#& then broke up with before moving in together#the love in my life is a beautiful tapestry it doesn't have to make sense to be precious
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drusilla's canon grandma kink is a thing that can be so charming & unhinged.
#do i empathize with darla not being into it. yes. 100% it is horrible#but come onnn it's so funny and endearing that drusilla wants to go there#sexually and also emotionally she's making it uncomfortable for everyone. if she wanted to play nuclear family & iirc sometimes she does#they'd role with it because they're creatures of the night perverting wholesome domesticity is their jam. but no.#drusilla says this is an intergenerational household of cringe and i want a boyfriendson just like grandma#spike when drusilla is like you're the knight and i'm the princess: overjoyed. honoured. so turned on and blissed out he could die (again)#spike when drusilla is like i want to show grandmother my new baby: incest is just a very touchy topic for me right now babe#you can't cancel her she's just processing her trauma!!#incidentally i think it's also interesting that william the bloody awful poet does not have daddy issues at all as far as we see.#very much unlike angel and also penn! angelus has so many daddy issues he actually sought out another human with daddy issues to turn#so he could play vampire daddy about the art of murdering your family. like a full 2/3 vamps we know for sure he turned (i think??) call hi#dad. only partially as a sex thing. yikes!!! this manpire is so unwell on the dad front#but it looks like william's father predeceased him#and he had time to process and come to terms with that before he got vamped#if he had a bad relationship with him he doesn't think about it unless i'm misremembering season 7 which is very possible#but spike the vampire is so daddy issues flavoured and it's just. it's just angelus issues like imagine you're 27 years old reborn#to eternal night and your girlfriend's other boyfriend she calls daddy fucks you up like that. there's so much oof in that relationship#no wonder he's mad. that is just embarrassing. like yes obviously the backdoor of his mommy issues provided an opening but still. still!!!#press says btvs#cw: incest#cw:drusilla
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once again thinking about how much i want to be in a band
#it would just be so much fun i think#i also really really want to be able to play all my favourite songs on guitar#and just hanging out with people who love music and jamming out together and ugauhulhyjdgjdfshjkd#it would be very cool i think#sasha talks
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