#it was in fact a fun and positive experience! I dont know where the fuck this came from but now thinking about caves makes me want to cry!

[fishofthewoods]

hbomberguy video update i may not be able to finish this. due to there being a whole section about a man stuck in a cave

[edenfenixblogs]

hope you dont mind me sending an ask being a total stranger and all, i just don't wanna bother op of that post

fd does bring up the fact kendrick is a BHI/hotep briefly, specifically that that's great ammo for a beef because to most people the bhi/hoteps are considered weird and embarrassing and would be insanely easy to make fun of in a beef (at least according to most black people I've spoken with & fd himself), but also he believes that drake probably doesn't even really grasp what they are because he's distanced himself in such a specific way from the black community (and arguably jewish community as well, though i think fd only kinda alludes to it) in a really specific way- BUT, that it was an evolution, he started out in a very odd cultural position where he was ostracized for simultaneously recieving antiblackness from white & jewish communities he was a part of but also seen as "not black enough" by many black people (and it's still a bullshit take people will have)

that desire to fit in is what led him down a shitty road, but also drake already clearly had some clearly terrible behaviors already. he talks about how kendrick was being unhinged too and isnt necessarily one to talk

overall the video is more about the music history behind it and the connection between it and the current culture, and just kinda what led to this climate that could want the downfall of drake

i dont know if i agree on drake not knowing about BHIs, though i could believe he doesnt with how he really weirdly constantly codeswitches even wrt jewishness, but imho fd doesnt like to touch on areas where he really cannot speak to the experience, he's said as much in the past, so he only speaks very briefly of the black perspective of how hoteps are goofy as hell

sorry for rambling, im really into music, think fd did the video well although i dont agree with all his opinions, and just wanted to articulate it correctly that it's really more about the musical climate than anything else :)

I don’t mind this message at all!!! In fact, I’m so grateful for it!

This is all really good info. I would believe that Drake didn’t know about BHI, tbh. I didn’t know about it until a couple years ago when Ice Cube (who I grew up loving 😭😭😭) did some heinous shit awhile ago and I was like “Why did my man come for us Jews what the fuck??”

And then a mutual told me about BHI and I looked up. And found a whole new group of people who hate, dehumanize and erase us. 🙃🙃🙃🙃

I mean, theoretically, maybe Drake may have had more exposure to it as a Black and Jewish man. His mere existence makes him more of a target for people invested in that kind of ideology. But also, I do and always have very much gotten the sense that he was ostracized from much of the black community for his Jewishness and mixed race reasons—not due any specific issue in the black community, but just because people are always dicks to people who don’t neatly fit into social categories in expected ways. I can also see how being a Black rapper in white-passing Jewish circles could have been very uncomfortable if those white-passing Jews were inclined to tokenize or exclude him. So it’s possible to me that his bilateral isolation might have insulated him from BHI discourse.

Tbh I don’t think code switching is weird in almost any circumstance. It’s just a development in reaction to your environment. I have a really multiethnic and multicultural family and code switch all the time. I think if it seems weird when Drake does it, it might just be because he has not developed (and tbh should never have had to develop) a strong sense of what “version” of Drake he is supposed to be. So when he tries to read the room and meet expectations, be just does it badly. But it’s not his fault in the long run. It is fault of people who expect him to fit those expectations in the first place.

I respect the hell outta fd for staying in his lane and only speaking on what he understands. And with this context I’m glad he brings up BHI at all. Because it *is* relevant. Being Black and Jewish ANYWHERE are both identities that permeate every single element of someone’s lived experience. When dealing with a beef between people where one is Black and Jewish and the other is Black and attempts to usurp Jewishness by re-categorizing it historically and racially…the cultural friction at play is absolutely relevant.

I’m sure it isn’t the whole story or even likely to be the most important factor in their beef. But it is definitely A factor and it wouldn’t have been right to leave it undressed. Especially when the beef took off as antisemitism more broadly was on the rise due to current events.

I am glad to know that most people still see BHI as a goody ideology. There’s still wayyy too many people who believe it, though. I’ve lived with the consequences of their hatred for white-passing Jews for several months now and it is…unpleasant. But mostly it’s heartbreaking. I grew up listening to Ice Cube. I used to cite James Baldwin. I adored Alice Walker. And finding out that they hate me one by one was devastating. But the worst part has been OTHER BHI folks using their words to justify their own hatred of me and all Jews like me while simultaneously making me feel like I was harming them in some way just by existing.

I want to be clear that I do not and never have believed that most black people believe BHI bullshit. I’m only saying that it was a shock to me the sheer number of people who DO believe it and how vehemently they hold that belief and direct that vehement *emotion* directly at me. It’s really good for me to know that people who aren’t Jewish are publicly speaking out against BHI bullshit. It restores a lot of hope for me.

So ok. I’m back on the “maybe I��ll watch in a little bit when I’m less raw” train. I also love music, even though I’m certainly not up to date on it. So I’m intrigued to know more about the musical landscape of what’s going on.

Thanks again!

[i-just-want-to-destroy]

the last chapter for walking study in demonology was CRAZYYY im so happy you updated. im so curious about what your thought process in writing it and if youre willing to share?? you dont have to if you dont want to btw! but in any case thank u so muchhh

hey thank you! appreciate it

okay super long answer below

honestly this one was difficult. idk if its bc its been a while since i write fics from scratch so i might have forgotten how difficult the whole thing is, but this one was tough. ch 8 wasnt from scratch tho cos i had the drafts since like 2022 or smthg lol

ik the formatting is non conventional in ch 8 and i was aware that itd be hard to read for some people. but i do think abt the readers often when i write.. mainly not what the readers want in terms of storyline (altho ofc i consider this too sometimes lol) but what the reading experience will be like for them.

i.e consider if id written the chapter in a linear, traditional way and narrated the confrontation between 1-A and LoV (or even other wackier “Villains” like godzilla and invading aliens or whatever). the truth is, although def easier to read, that version will be very boring.

(i know bc i tried and scrapped those versions.)

(im sure a better writer can write it interestingly but i am not a better writer.)

the thing w writing these traditional fight scenes is tht im sure — im 1000% positive in fact — that the readers have read it before. there r literally thousands and thousands of bnha fics out there with great fight scenes, on top of the actual manga, where youve read these characters fight their assorted villains. why would i make you read that again, esp when i know i cant do it better? i already know the readers r just gonna skim the chapter if thats the case. ive been a reader, ik what fic fatigue is like — esp with bnha when everythings been rehashed infinity times in infinity different ways.

same thing also applies with even the “metaness” of the fic itself.

i dont want the fic to come off like its talking down to readers, whom i believe alrdy have the instinctual knowledge of what the fic is trying to do. im willing to bet tht the readers have read something similar to this before, like multiverses n time loop n meta stuff, also cosmic horror. i still end up narrating some things even though often i feel im being too explanatory. i jst feel like the readers will know what im talking abt by virtue of their familiarity to the tropes involved.

therefore the least i can do is serve it in an interesting way, aka the fuckass formatting. like although the tropes im doing r done so many times before, at the very least i cld let the readers hopefully have fun by piecing it together puzzle-style with the fragmented formats — so its more of an experience thing rather than jst a lore dump. i dont like lore dumps, they can be condescending.

demonology def doesnt succeed in avoiding that however. in fact its fallen to that exact trap. ch 4 and 6, those r very lore-dumpy. i tried to make it fun w the humor dialogue style but its not perfect. i know tht by ch 8 that tricks alrdy old, and the readers have all the puzzle pieces at this point anyway so itd be even more repetitive than it alrdy is. even so i still feel im being too explanatory esp with the emotional arcs but thats a skill issue on my part

overall i feel demon can be more oblique and “elegant” in its mechanics.

but anyway, it IS crack… it was never meant to promise intelligence, least of all eloquence lmfao. its never meant to be taken seriously.

of course, at this point u can tell that i actually am taking it pretty seriously LOL. i never meant to write meta fiction. i have some gripes w it, namely that i feel meta fiction is used by weaker writers as a storytelling crutch n it can come off as lazy — demon is guilty of this too. but now that i end up writing meta fiction, i might as well fucking commit and try to push it as crazy as i can. if its not gonna be good, at least it can be interesting, or weird.

blah blah im yapping. point is, ik the end product might look very “random” and pastiche as if i was jst doing whatever i wanted … which, true … but it went thru a lot of trials and errors until this final version. you would not believe the amount of time ive rewritten this chapter, due to all those ^ considerations.

however i always knew i was going to start ch8 with the classic mary sue “fanfiction” — that segment was written a long time ago like in 2022/2023?? and mostly stayed unedited since, unlike the rest of the fic which i stripped and repainted and restripped again lol

ok thanks for reading abt my wack anime crack fic writing process that, again, shld not be taken seriously. i will admit however that i do put a lot of effort n heart into it so i cannot pretend i am aloof and disaffected. id be lying if i say its been easy. i consider it a miracle i updated at all. i keep saying its not meant to be taken serious but if i managed to make it even a little bit meaningful, id be very happy.

ah also. bnha ending actually forced me to scrap a lot of things too. but it kinda ends up for the better, maybe.

[madge-nius]

shipping ask game: timsteph & stephcass

Ooo TimSteph I’m using the dont ship questions for lol

Timsteph:

1. Why I don’t ship it: their dynamic doesn’t click for me romantically and on stephs part it feels pretty comphetish yk wait actually scratch that on both their parts. Also for most ships I’m quite fluid and can change my mind but Stephcass is a very fixed ship to me so timsteph just doesn’t float my boat

2. What would have made you like it: if Tim was a woman and they were really angsty wlw exes! I feel like that would suit their dynamic in my head far more and I’d be more inclined to draw it

3. Anything positive to say: literally the funniest meeting of characters ever a brick in the face 😭 I fear no media will ever be able to beat it

Stephcass:

1. What made me ship it: their visuals were the thing that made me first look into them, but then the fact that they both so desperately desire what the other has and feel inadequate is just so fun and I defo feel it also they’re both buff women and I’m a lesbi

2. Fave thing about them: they are so funny together like esp in batgirl 2000 they just make me giggle yk stuff like cass fracturing stephs jaw and also the bit where Steph suggests rooftop tag with a bet and cass is like ‘but I don’t have money. Oh wait, you never win!’ Brutal and fucking hilarious

3. Unpopular opinion: I don’t think they would get married- cass doesn’t really have a concept of marriage and Steph doesn’t have the best experience with it and it’s enough for both of them to know they love each other (I know I’ve drawn them marrying several times but still

[kevin-day-is-bi]

i feel like i wanna remind ya that like, there are people (me) who enjoy the Bruce&Dick as father&son because it's not wholesome and can be rather fucked up, esp in fics that really focus on their interactions

idk like, i dont have a ship in particular in batfam, but it feels like you keep getting deeper into the "any interp other than sexual is stupid" and :< it's fun to explore the fucked up non-sexual things...

I'm guessing this is largely about my tags on this post.

A couple things right away.

1. I'm in fandom to ship. I have been in DC for the sole purpose of consuming and creating ship content for almost 8 years at this point. When I first watched Young Justice at 12, I had ships fully formed by episode 7. I watched episode 1 and started shipping Dick and Wally. I think they have an interesting friendship, but I personally have no interest in exploring their relationship platonically. While I understand that 2017 isn't super long ago compared to the entire history of Batman, please do not explain shipping within the DC fandom to me. I have been doing it a very long time.

2. that doesn't mean I in any way look down on or think that people who enjoy consuming media in another way (platonic or familial etc) are not consuming it "correctly"

3. I had several unpleasant experiences, both personally irl and in fandom spaces, with people who were anti-shipping (I'm not saying you are) which led to me being overly cautious in fandom, so for a while I didn't reblog anything ship related. I rebbloged non-ship content and just didn't tag it how I wanted to. I have finally got over that and have joined spaces where I feel more confident and welcomed.

4. Without going into too much detail, I live a pretty fucked up life. I have a lot of complicated emotions around sex and sexuality in relationships and I use fandom to explore that. I have been in platonic sexual relationships, romantic asexual relationships, situationships, unhealthy crushes, QPRs, and a lot of other situations that I also explore in fandom. I am aware of the fact that I have asked for life advice on this blog and in DMs before and clearly have the fact that I'm 19 listed in my blog description, but I have lived a lot of life and am pretty mature about fandom. I've been reading Bat smut since before I got my first boyfriend, and my life has very much shaped how I view media.

5. Finally, I am aware that there has been an uptick in blood and gore (and other more physical) kink things recently. That would be because those are genuine kinks that I have that there has been an increase in for me recently. I have those because I am disabled and my relationship with being disabled has led to me sexualizing certain aspects of it. I'm not going to tag for this or other things (NSFW, shipping, etc). I understand that some people want or need that level of control. I am not the person to follow in that case I use Tumblr's fast reblog feature liberally. I am on this site to distract myself from the fact that I am in pain 24/7 and my life is a mess. I do tag content I create and have always done so.

normally I wouldn't respond to this level, but this is gonna replace my current pinned post for a while. lemme again just say:

this is a non-issue. I don't care what anyone does or does not ship. I don't care what people think about what I do or do not ship. we are talking on a site where we don't know anyone's real name about things we want fake people to do that a bunch of people in a board room created. I am on here so I don't think about how I have been displaced because I almost died in a hurricane for the second time in 6 years. who I ship is such a low priority to me that it is functionally non-existent right now.

if any of my followers don't like what I am reblogging, unfollow! I won't be heartbroken! I'm not going to stop talking about ships that I have on my blog. and if your automatic go-to feeling when you see someone being positive about a ship you don't have is to think they are anti-not shipping that thing, do some internal examination as to why. because it's not true, and I never ever said it was.

feel free to dm me to talk about this more! but you are wrong, and I'm not going to change how I act on here.

[twistedastrology]

🪐 my take on the outer planets 🪐

---------------------------------------------------

saturn is constantly given a bad rap just because it does its job- saturn's placement in your chart isn't always a bad thing- it can signify difficulties in that area of your life, yes, but it can also tell you what you have unwavering resolve in (especially if you're saturn ruled or saturn is positively aspected)

for example, my saturn is in my 1st house in leo (cancer rising) and I've seen people say that saturn in the 1st house can indicate a fear of growing old or being lonely, whatever- my personal experience with this placement is, ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you i am fucking petrified of losing myself- losing my mind, losing who i am and dying early are my worst fears (dreams in which im dying are NOT the best ive ever had 😮‍💨)

but as a result of this, i know myself SO well. i do think saturn in the 1st house can indicate issues with finding yourself IF it's afflicted, which mine isn't (thank god 💔💔💔)

im also very scared of growing out of touch with the world around me- dont get me wrong, i love being a hermit, but if im ever that old man that can't understand trends or whatever and is overly cynical of younger generations... dawg- take me the fuck out 😕

uranus i LOOOOVEEEEE and i think it stands for so much more than just rebellion- my uranus has a LOT of power in my chart (so does my neptune but they're in mutual reception 😮‍💨) because my moon is cusped (1° pisces, but i feel both pisces and aquarius influence 💔), and it and my mercury im pretty sure are why i think backwards as fuck- (fun fact, my mercury is FIRMLY direct but it likes to act like it's in retrograde 💔💔💔💔)

but!! more interestingly, i have a very specific mental process where whenever im goin thru it, i cant stay goin thru it for a while- if my brain is fucked up for a little too long and i start getting pissed about it, my uranus takes over and legitimately propels me through the pain in almost an instant. i could be going through something for weeks and once i start getting pissed about it or legitimately bored of it, the next day it's like nothing ever happened BUT i still learned from it

ofc I have to do something to trigger that effect, which is where my mars in cancer comes in and i do a workout to tap into the physical catharsis and BOOM, go to bed and wake up the next day a new man 🙏🙏🙏 god bless 🙏🙏🙏

neptune Ok i am not entirely sure what made whoever said neptune is the higher octave of venus think that but I've never been able to see it. this might be controversial as hell but neptune is the higher octave of the moon to me and jupiter is the higher octave of venus. THAT BEING SAID-

neptune is an absolutely fascinating planet to me lately and im not sure why- i do have a couple transit aspects with it right now but ive wanted to write about it literally all day now- U KNOW i might love it so much bc it's in my 8th house actually that would make sense- ANYWAY-

neptune to me is the source of all the visions from god i get, especially my creative ones- (source: it came to me in a vision from god.) the moon is a very creative placement in my opinion (i have a WILDLY different idea of the moon that i can go over in another post), so neptune follows a similar current, but neptune is higher creativity, higher emotion, etc- it's the planet of spirituality and the absolute depths of our subconscious, like to the point of past lives, that's the kinda shit neptune fucks with

but because it's also the higher octave of the moon, to me it can absolutely represent addictions and vices, everything garbage- personally, my neptune isn't very afflicted at all but i also have a major lack of earth in my chart so i Do find myself experiencing classic neptune-based paranoia sometimes- fuck dude i went neurotic for a week at one point, that was some serious neptune delusion- But my uranus/saturn pulled me back from it, because like i said, saturn makes me petrified of losing myself, so those two joined forces like "ya this shit ain't cool actually take it out back and shoot it"

i might make a post on specifically neptune stuff soon and/or right after this bc the hyperfixation is hyperfixating 💔💔

pluto i FUCK with because it's such a soul searchy planet (my 8th house is very active so ofc i fuck with pluto) in the darkest ways and i love that shit- jonathan davis has his pluto in a fucking mastery degree (29° virgo) and i am to this day like 😦 over it- and it makes SO much sense for him to have PLUTO of all planets in a mastery degree- and i have mine in 26° sag so like im not that far behind... 💔

but dude that's mastery of some SERIOUS transformative powers- that's mastery of the wildly darker shit in life and that is so fucking tight to me- i value that kinda stuff more than anything dude- probably why korn is my fav band (been listening to them as i write this 😭😭)

one thing abt pluto that i DONT agree with tho, and this is more of a scorpio thing BUT i know everyone loves to say scorpios are the sexy signs but dawg... it's cancers... i swear 2 god it's cancers- i will write an entire fucking post on cancers and why i HATE everyone's interpretations of them bc everyone's like "cnanncers are cRYBbaueiis and tHyeyre the most emOtIknal siGnsns 💔💔💔" Bro. Bro. Bro dont do me like that for the love of god. that shit made me hate my rising sign for SO long and also not relate to it!!!! then i started doin my own research and found out "Oh fuck nvm im totally a cancer"

BUT if you look at pluto like the actual God- nowhere in his mythology (that I read anyway- i could be wrong i dont wanna act like i know everything) does it say anything abt him ruling over sex or sumn like that- but everyone says pluto rules over sex!!!!!! Where!!!!!!!!!!! dawg they said he was a god of abundance bc he ruled over the underworld and gems and stuff were found underground 😭😭😭

i do think pluto fucks with taboo shit though But back in the ye olden days when astrology was being developed, sex was not taboo at all, that's a new development that i think uranus fucks with more because uranus is a very future focused planet in my humble opinion

i could definitely keep writing but i think this is already a novel SO- to specify tho, this is all my opinion of the planets, ive read PLEEEEEENTY of books and stuff so by no means do i not know how this shit works, but my uranus makes me rip everything apart and make my own take so 💔

[co5oo]

ultrabrawl : aka me fucking around with the sandbox

i'll put you in context for the nonscreenshotted story. so basically i decided to pitch in enemies against enemies (blind enemies beforehand so the stalkers dont pre-sand the contestants + enemies ignore player + enemies attack each other + invencibility in case some projectiles or attacks hit me + flight to see the fight from all angles. also + infinite wall jumps but thats just a preference)

first one was a general battle. all against all, 1 of each (2 gabriels, 2 V2's the only exceptions ALSO no big johninator because i never beat him...yet). it was surprisingly heated! the minotaur lasted longer than i expected and the battle was slightly tied against druid knight and sisyphus so i had them fight in a small room. sisyphus won! barely tho... so, from this point u should know sisyphus can win ANYONE

...except the flesh prision and panopticon. for some reason once the eyes are defeated the enemy just. doesnt attack The flesh itself! so theyre invalid

ok, fast foward, made a bunch of random battles (fun fact that the guttertank can instakill the gutterman, and consequently, maurice can instakill guttertank)...blah blah, ok

so, i made a small civil war then, yeah? several numbers of ALL enemies. that battle lagged the game so hard my wifi turned off. im serious

and after that? here comes the illustrated experience.

i decided to pitch in. around 12 gabriels of each (12-ish act 1, 12-ish act 2. i wasnt counting)

it went on like this for a good 3 minutes probably. my chest still hurts from all the laughing. i wish i recorded it instead because hearing them all talk overlapped was honestly hilarious

goes on... goes on... and then... the act 2 gabriels (most of them) come out victorious. youd think well! the npcs stop there because they have no one else to fight!

WELL YOURE WRONG

they decide to FUCKING WANDER WHO KNOWS WHERE LITERALLY OUT OF BOUNDS

THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WERE FIGHTING SOMEONE BUT?? THERE WAS NO ONE...

i tried following them but i gave up when i almost got lost and also they just kept flying further away...

a sole survivor... got stuck in a fighting position with no one to attack...

fear not my dearest husband replica number 43,

i shall accomodate those needs.

you think this was over? NO!!!

you mightve already guessed whats going on here. (5 minos, 3 sisyphus)

immediate seconds after they start battling ALL of them except these two go out of bounds, never to be found again. im serious. they straight up disappeared

except for this guy here. hes grounded

decided to noclip to try and find the other minus and sisyphi and...

i found gabriels! from. before the 12vs12 pitch. probably from the civil war

they pushed him thru the wall. still grounded

another discovery! the cummulus of the civil war

after that i decided to chase a golden strike shooting upwards, but...

i got lost.

and thats it! thanks for sticking with me til the end. this was wild. i might repeat it

[beardisable]

yall. discovering the good omens parody made me rewatch @thehillywoodshow parodies i remember from my teenhood and.

this makes me experience shrimp emotions. idk where to even start explaining how this makes me feel. but ig i will try

like first of all the fact that ive watched enough of this show to know all the references. and that all these references happened at all and this show happened at all and that i watched most of it and loved it as a teen. its like awe and suprise and nostalgia and sadness and joy and a little bit of mortification but then vindication for having been so passionate about something and enjoying it

second of all the song, im not a massive fan of swift and never really was but shake it off and a lot of her stuff was pretty unavoidable during those years, and i def cant deny this and others are absolute bops and still make me smile and dance... and the message is positive and fun, the way lyrics are changed in the parody mostly fit really well and sound really good so its a song i can enjoy without the context too

and how its like. intentionally combining this... idea of a misogynistic perception of fandom that used to be a lot more prominent, of like the "squeee fangirl" and just being super silly and fun because why the fuck not! and combining it with this show, which is (at least at the start meant to be) more like kinda broody and classically masculine and stuff, and just embracing that combination so genuinely and happily, it was so wonderful to see in 2015 and still so wonderful, and such a fuck you to THA HATERS literally

and just. the production quality is incredible and inspiring, theres so much going on so many scenes and so many meme and culture and show references that bring a smile to my face, the cosplay is wonderful and high quality and makes me want to cosplay spn(really? oh god) for the first time again...

and the fact that they got so many actors and people involved with the show involved!! seeing fancontent aknowledged by "official" sources is still pretty baffling to me sometimes, and it def wasnt as regular in 2015 as it is now to my knowledge, so this was super BIG and awesome back then...

i fell off the latter end of spn, so the only like offical fan depictions and fandom aknowledgements in the series itself i remember are Fan Fiction and the novels and the larper ghostbusters?? or whatever, and those werent always the most sympathetic, or rather made fun of the fandom... which like, parody is fine, spn is a fun meta show, but it did often feel somewhat meanspirited and disapproving, which i understand but dont like. So seeing a fan-MADE parody that is just genuinely celebrating the work AND its fans is such a joy!!!

im just... :') god what a wonderful video and time to look back on and remember, it makes me so happy this exists

im sure all of this was said when this released but 14 year old me certainly couldnt have expressed this, or very literally have the like. context of looking back on this in a historical and cultural sense lmao so. Thinks about <3

[dogshit-enchantment]

thoughts about totk

i dont know if its just me, but does anyone else feel like the story direction for this game is kindve ... bad? like the actual plot itself was interesting at first but everytime the characters try to deliver a serious line of 'my secret stone' I can't help but laugh at them. It sounds like a mistranslation you would see in a 90's port of a game, not a multi-million dollar triple A title in 2023.

Not only that goofy nature of it but like, why is Zelda so british? No one else is, not even her dad. Why did they chose a VERY british direction for her voice and no one else? It's so distracting and every time she talks I don't pay attention to what she's saying cuz I wish she would just stop talking. (I still hold a grudge over her for feeding Link a fucking frog and then people have the audacity to be like 'oh theyre in love' like no thats fucking sibling behavior at best.)

There's so many aspects of the game where it feels like they want a very specific series of events to happen and there's a very intended player experience. But then... you can go anywhere. Do anything. You can EASILY miss important things (I missed several of the Dragon's Tears because I wasn't aware there was something I was supposed to be grabbing from them I just thought it was scenery) and you can easily find yourself in areas you're not meant to be in yet. "Just teleport out!" Why didn't they just make a linear game that wasn't built as a wanna-be DLC expansion pack?

Having to re-explore a world I'd already put 200+ hours into is frankly tiresome. And to make it THREE TIMES as large??? Exhausting.

I wanted to like this game so much. I preordered it. I went to the midnight release. I played it for six fucking hours the first full day I was able to play it. And after leaving the Great Sky Island all I'm left feeling is... frustrated.

Frustrated at the unclear, hidden direction of where you're supposed to go. Frustrated at the massive size of the map that doesn't have That Many Changes to make it worth going through the nooks and crannies. Frustrated that they turned botw -my favorite climbing simulator- into a gimmick-based game that doesn't like you to use its own gimmick.

The constructs break apart too easily. If you build a flying construct that works well it breaks after about a min and a half of flying. If you build a car to traverse the land it despawns if you hit any cutscene trigger - which are often invisible and unavoidable.

This felt more like a Zelda game in the general flavor of it; you get the classic enemies back, you get actual bomb flowers again, Link is wearing green for fucks sake, and you get actual temples. But the actual heart of it doesn't feel like a Zelda game. The plot feels sloppy at best, rushed at worst, and the voice acting is so genuinely bad it's distracting and embarrassing. The only voice actor I didn't hate was Rauru (Chris Hackney, Legend) and Tulin (Christina Vee, also a Legend), even Sidon felt incredibly stilted.

It feels like the game punishes the player for using the mechanics it gives you to use and play with. Even the fuse mechanic feels like such a back-hand. "Oh we heard the players got frustrated at weapons having a limited usage, so instead of extending it or offering a repair service, we just made Every Weapon Shitty" like wtf. And even for the fuse mechanic theres only ONE PLACE that lets you unfuse and it's through a clunky dialogue menu! (my favorite!!! totally not the reason I stopped playing acnh!!!!) I played for 50 hours and was positive you couldn't unfuse weapons. Wow.

botw was fun and I thoroughly enjoyed it and the fact that your tools were simply on a cooldown. totk feels like a resource-scavenger except the resources are so hard to actually acrue. Not only that, but I've seen other ppl complain about how much harder it feels to upgrade your equipment. As if they needed some way to bloat the game even more.

This is just me rambling about my feelings and maybe talking in circles about it but I feel annoying trying to actively discuss my feelings with anyone so I guess this will do.

I've only beaten half of the bosses and 3 of the temples, but I don't know if I'll be able to keep going. I got stuck at the fire temple boss and I would argue its the worst temple in the game and I haven't even gotten to the Gerudo one. That's just how strongly I feel about the fire temple. I hate the minecart layout, I hate the lava puzzle mechanics, and I literally rage-quited after my 10th attempt at the boss. The water temple boss was annoying but it was mostly just learning patterns and having good reaction time. The fire temple boss is JUST rng.

which sucks cuz the wind temple was sick!!!! it was so cool!!! and the boss was probably one of my top 20 bosses!!! and then I did the water temple and Sidon kept glitching out and wouldn't accompany me for half of the trip up to it, and the GRAVITY!!!! UGH!!!!!!

I'm trying to think of points of the game I've truly enjoyed and I think the highlights of it have been: got to keep Epona from my botw save. But then that turned out to be a nothing burger since you can't have her tow anything. (also the fucking towing minigame that feels so insulting. "please take us to the great fairy!" YOU COULDVE JUST WALKED ITS LITERALLY A FIVE MINUTE WALK)

uhh, other good points uhhh, the new armor is pretty cool. I really like the Ember and Miner set. I really like the cave system. (shouldn't really be a feature but whatever) and uhhhhhhhh, yeah idk. I'm struggling to find points I truly enjoyed past the introductory level. like yeah building a car is cool! ... until it despawns and you lose 40min and work, and yeah I know autobuild can rebuild it but I'm not made of spare parts. And like, the korok puzzles were cute! Until you find one every 15 min and they take at least 10 to get them to their friend.

I think the most enjoyable minigame was the one with the sign dude on the side of the road where you help him hold it up. That was one of the better, more enjoyable parts of the game for me so far. It felt like it actually tested your building skills while not being truly punishing. Just start over if it doesnt work.

botw was a strong like 8/10 for me, and I think totk is gonna unfortunately be like a 5/10. The direction is janky at best. The gimmicks of the game are viable for most of the game. Exploring the same world with minor changes is frustrating and boring. Exploring the Depths makes me want to personally throw up since I have a phobia of dark, open spaces with Things lurking inside. Exploring the sky is fun but I didn't realize you could *reuse* the sheikah tower until 45 hours in because why would I think it would let me do it again??? So it felt inaccessible and frustrating.

The ability to fuse anything to anything and have it run and work well is a technical marvel! I'm not saying its not. But does it make a good *game*? Does it make the story direction work? Does it make the boss fights and dungeons work? imo... no. It doesn't. It makes a good tech demo. It makes an impressive piece of programming.

maybe i'll have more thoughts but I just needed to get all that out.

if you read it all thanks if not you wont be seeing this lol

[lostjudgmnt]

i nearly just oosted this plain but i at least still gave the mental whatever the fuck to put it under a cut sorry guys i’ll be normal in a minute cw for me having some sort of meltdown though idk. pretty intense shit

i love…………. this fucked up mental cycle im in where. im just having a really nasty mixed episode rn so im like. my sleep is so off im rapidly swinging from feeling completely fine to have violent fucking melt/breakdowns/shutdowns to being actually decently happy maybe to having terrible ocd spikes and spirals and its been months and i cant tell if its getting better or not and am pretty convinced in actuality faking the whole thing even though the worst of it is happening when im completely fucking alone and i cant tell if my thoughts are my own or if im pretending to be someone who isnt me and tbese “symptoms” are just me pretending im someone im noy but convincing myself its real or something i dont fucking know but im going fucking crazy but im not telling anyone but i feel like im in a pressure cooker and i feel like im under too mich pressure to be normal and okay and not kill myself even though its all too much pressure

like it sucks because the fact that i kind of feel like im completely fine but also like im going absolutely insane at the same time is not helping the fact that im convincing myself that my intrrusive thoughts and spirals and obsessions and whateber else i have going on are all fucking fake and im just putting on some sort of fucked up show for myself or something like im pretending to be someone else so i feel ~different~ and ~special~ and mentally ill because i guess its fucking fun qnd quirjy as opposed to literally so fucking miserable and preventing me from sleeping wnd locking my body up in uncomfortable positions that i can’t really move from but i can AOMETIMES so im just doing yhat to myself for FUN like goddamn. im not making any sense and part of me is telling me i should be correcting all these typos because godforbid i dont fucking sanitize myself because if it looks too raw its more proof that im faking all this shit and pretending yo look like im doing badly or whatever because im fine actually i feel fine!!!!!!!! what fuckung ever.

i actively hide that im actually driving myself insane from myself abd others because i feel like i have to at least pretend im doig well and then i get hurt when no one can tell im doing poorly as if its not ky own fucking fault and then convince myself that its not actually that bad and that its all fake actually and im making everything i experience up or exaggerating everything or what fucking ever when im having violent and geaphic intrusive thoughts about myself and compulsively beating my head against the floor when im completely alone and there’s sno one to see it like obviously thats fucking fake right. nesus chrisy

i shouldnt post this and maybe poisting it is hust another sign that this is all made up and im just doing it for attention i cant steas enough that im just calmly sitting in a chair at my best friend’s house alone in the dark whole typing this right now i literally feel completely normal but also i guess apparently absolutely insane at the same time but maybe i dont feel insanw. but also i was hyperventilating and slamming my head yo the ground qns could hardly move my body on the floor like i dunno 20 minutes ago and my head hurts. but maybe that was fakw too. i dont even know who’s thoughts are in my head right now

i dont know i guess i feel like i need to actually make some sort of record of this shit somewhere but i’ll ignore it if its somewhere completely private but i’ll want to kill myself even more if its somewhere like q diacord server for some reason so here’s the only place i feel i can go. i dont fucking know why. maybe because here someone can reassure me but i dont have to freak the fuck out of the people i actually interact with on w daily basis or something. i dont know. i dont know if any of this is actually me or if any of this is real and i dint even know if im gonna look at this later because maybe i dont want to know if its all real or not. i dont fucking know

im trying to will myself to take my LITERAL MEDICATION i got prescribed to treat my DIAGNOSED FUCKING BIPOLAR DISORDER that im convinced isnt fucking real and wouldnt becausing me to be insane for any reason. goddamn. im shit at taking it the way imsupposed to because im supposed to take it in the morning to but i dont do mornings and have no routine for the mornings at all. i need time figure that the fuck out and maybe it wilp fix me but maybe not because im probably fakung all this shit anyway and meds cant fix what isn’t actually there. jesus christ

i know i sound insane btw i still cant tell if thats “proof” of anything, authenticity or otherwise i dont fucking know. shit.

im moving in m getting up from sitting completely calmly in this chair and im taking my pm meds as diagnosed and im gonna go upstairs to lay down in the guest bed across the room from my best friend who went to bef almost an hour ago and im gonna sleep and im gonna wake up as a normal person and none of this is real and im being overdramatic and fake. good fucking night

[oni-verse]

just here to blab cause i havent been having much fun drawing lately, and ive been sick a lot which is abnormal for me, and i got them chronic headaches,

but at least i can project thoughts on silly gay characters and pretend like theyre the main characters in the shows and movies i watch

reviewing past ideas this week since its nice when i dont have anything else i want to do. its nice to go back and see their beginnings again which is mostly just gil being unreadable and emotionally distant and cas being so desperate to keep gil in his life that he ignores all those red flags & pines painfully.

but i write pretty much everything down, so i have all those random thoughts like Domestic Moment #4306 and What If They Were Strangers, or the alternative, What If They Got Together Much Earlier. yknow how it goes. being my own fanfiction writer.

i like writing gil as being inexplicably alluring and its usually just because of small things like how he talks or his body language, on top of the fact he's tall and hot in a grungy way. and cas, even though he's gil's oldest friend, has such a hard time reading him because of gil's unique brand of being guarded (never being vulnerable or transparent). it all adds to the mystery and people (/cas) wanting to get in close for a chance to figure him out.

even in high school, cas wouldnt always be aware of what was happening in his best friend's life. gil's guardedness manifested in his teenage years as keeping the secret of his father's abuse, whether he was just scared of the consequences of others knowing, or he's embarrassed for his own circumstances, but cas' ability to look closely and be a friend without making gil feel bad about himself is part of why they were best friends. that, and cas being (at the time) a good cishet ally boy that respects his friends ;0

while this isnt what happens in their lil story, i do also like to consider what itd be like if cas was brave enough to recognize/act on the feelings he wouldnt admit he had for his friend, back when they were teenagers. cas thought he was straight for many years after high school, but i could also see a reality where ~ally~ cas becomes "experimenting doesnt inherently mean anything". hehe. would make their separation all the more heartbreaking for lil cas.

then, in a universe where they don't meet until theyre adults with separate lives, how that could look. like because of everything above, maybe it'd be expected that gil wouldn't give a person like cas a real chance, that he'd be especially difficult because the lack of history makes it that much harder to break down his walls. but then, what about exhausted gil, alone for the same reasons as usual, choosing it & all his connections with other people usually not extending beyond a single night. this guy, meeting someone who responds to gil's flirtation without going the obvious route and taking gil home for the same reason as everyone else-- but instead, just talks to him, and is oddly the nicest and easiest person to be around. gil's experiences creating expectations thatre shattered by a lil punky guy who doesn't make gil feel alone or like he's around for only one thing.

commitment-phobe gil meeting cas in his mid 20s and somehow agreeing to a date because his curiosity is honestly piqued by this surprise encounter. it seems like it shouldnt be shocking to have a decent conversation with a decent person, but a messy person can somehow manage to completely avoid any positive people. especially if they surround themselves with stoners, dealers, and club rats.

ive said it before but ig they really do have a "i can fix him" dynamic but it actually sorta works? gil isnt as messy, eventually lol. kinda the point.

but i love a circumstance of a guy being all "i don't do relationships, i don't believe in love, bachelor lyfe 4eva, ima fuck this whole city" and then going completely mushy because someone is patient and committed to him. gotchu now bitch... u DO relationship.. u DO believe in love, you are settling down and fucking one man only. i would say sorry but youre happy now bitch ✋caught in 4k

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

13 + 32 + 40 for the writer questions!!!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

a subject i struggle a lot with currently is sex. ive decided for myself to be as explicit as i would dare and juggle all these complicated, complex emotions and burdens the characters bring with them. i was raised without a healthy skillset regarding sex, my sex education in school was comparitively good but i grew up with this very twisted idea that sex = violence, that especially women are victimized by it while men by nature cant help but want to have it. i realized pretty early thats bullshit, but biases and images run deep, especially that fear i have internalized. writing explicitly about sex, queer sex, sex involving men being something else but mindless beasts, is very empowering. at the same time, it is agony. i dont like men like that and i have yet to fully work through my lesbian trauma regarding men and comphet. trying to describe attraction to men, or positive experiences sleeping with men, is so confusing and difficult. in a sense, this too helps me work through my shit but god, is it hard. im saying this with all the love i have. i do not force myself at all, i have this weird thirst for it, this desire to set myself free. but it IS deeply personal. it clearly reflects back to myself what i oftentimes dont want to directly confront.

fuck, i forgot the second part of this question! very quick, here: im good at writing feelings. i mean i sometimes struggle with it, naming them can be hard and sometimes i dont know what i even want to say while im writing. but when i do know, im pretty good at weaving it into the story, at staying on the pulse of the character, at keeping very close to their heart and letting their thoughts, their innermost soul, just unspool and unravel. its something i love to read and writing it, once ive muddled through my shit, is cathartic and fun. im prone to being a little more poetic in my style, and it lends itself well to breaking open a character like a fruit, exposing their soft insides

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you? and 40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

alright, so when i was small, my grandfather used to read poetry to me. he is a pretty good storyteller and i love him very much. everytime im reading from the author he read to me, i have his voice and his mannerism in my ear; where he set a pause, where he lifted his voice, where he grew louder, what he chose to emphasize. (he is still alive and well, we've just not done this in a while.) and of the poetry there is one poem that still positively haunts me, it is brilliant, hilarious, and creative. i can practically semi-recite it on the spot, with his style of performance in my heart. i found a great english translation, lemme put it here for you to oggle at!!!

Palmstroem, old, an aimless rover, walking in the wrong direction at a busy intersection is run over.

"How," he says, his life restoring and with pluck his death ignoring, "can an accident like this ever happen? What's amiss?

"Did the state administration fail in motor transportation? Did police ignore the need for reducing driving speed?

"Isn't there a prohibition, barring motorized transmission of the living to the dead? Was the driver right who sped…?"

Tightly swathed in dampened tissues he explores the legal issues, and it soon is clear as air: Cars were not permitted there!

And he comes to the conclusion: His mishap was an illusion, for, he reasons pointedly, that which must not, can not be.

"The Impossible Fact" by Christian Morgenstern, tl. Max Knight, original & translation here!

ask me weird writers questions!

[just-some-random-blogger]

FALLING INTO A SEEEEAAAAAAAA OFFFFFF FFLLLLUUUUUUUUFFFFFFF 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

Looking up from the toasted panini you were cutting in half, you frowned at your work friend Stacy. “What?”

I would just like to say that i smelled the panini when i read this... I DONT EVEN KNOW IF I KNOW WHAT A PANINI IS MWJSNSJJSJHAHAHHAHAH

Your other friend Zeke clapped his hands together and leaned forward. “Oooh! I like this concept. There’s plenty of things Y/N has never done.”

First of all zeke stfu. You dont have to call out yn AND ME out like that ///: booo tomato tomato 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

“I can’t think of anything,” Stacy responded with a shrug. “I’ve experimented with a lot of things.”

K Stacy. /: Edi ikaw na

“So have I,” Zeke added on, shooting you a smirk. “Our Y/N here though…”

///: i hate zeke L A MAJOR L

“Miss Routine that you are.”

😔 this is where my similarities with yn end.

“Eats the same panini every time we come here for lunch and grumbles when the table you like is taken. Face the facts, you do everything the same every time.”

YN RUN UR FRIENDS ARE BULLIES

SO WHAT YN LIKES PANINIS ITS FUN TO SAY AND PROBABLY TASTES GOOD IDK

“Nothing major. That would be upsetting to you. But something different. Bold. Step out of the comfortable slipper life and stride through your day in heels or something,” Zeke suggested, animated as he imagined this strange version of yourself. You tried to follow his vision but soon scrunched up your nose.

Honestly Zeke 🔪🤬 i think you should let all of us wear comfy slippers cos DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH LIFE SUCKS WHEN YOURE WEARING SHOES THAT HURT YOUR FEET FUCK YOU ZEKE GO TO JAIL PARTY

“We’re not picking on you.”

Yn ur friends with liars dafaq

He had to work in some type of professional position, given his neat green striped shirt and charcoal suit pants, the matching jacket folded over the adjacent chair. His dark hair was pushed away from his face, rich brown eyes now bemusedly catching your prolonged stare again. You blushed and darted your focus to the same-old sandwich you were eating at the same table, and suddenly were up on your feet before you acknowledged the reason.

OMG YONK MY YONK MY YONK YONK WHO PROBABLY SMELLS AMAAAAZZZING DAMN THE WAY HE WAS WRITTEN SMELLLLSSSS EXPENSIVE

Despite the amusement still etched in his handsome expression, you noticed the look of surprise in his eyes. “Hello?”

HIII 💗💗💗💗💗💗

“Brian,” he responded on instinct, slipping a warm palm against yours. “Can I help you, Y/N?”

HIIII BRRIIIAANNNNNNNN💗💗💗💗💗😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

“You’re hot.”

Just like that. I mean yn like me fr. 😔 Aint hot no game therefore has the most game in the world 😩😩😩

“I’m not put off,” he assured you, cracking a grin. “So, I’m hot?”

JSJSJSJSJSJS HE REALLY OUT HERE GOIN

And i mean same he mad valid for that i too also need words of affirmation mMAJAJJAJSJS HAHAHAHA

“I’m not opposed to receiving them,” he told you with a flash of his teeth. You laughed and sat in the chair he gestured for you to take. “Level of attraction aside, what does my appearance mean?”

NSJSHHSJSBSS HES SO

“A solid six. I’ve had worse.”

DAMN. Tough crowd. Yn flat out said he was hot and still got a six. How much confidence does this man need to extract from me. Come on yonk i would die if i ever saw you dont play me like this

“Can I humour you some more?” he wondered, pulling out his phone and holding it out. You glanced at it and then at him, watching his lips curling into another smile. “It was the hot compliment that hooked me.”

I think you’re hot too. Text me a time to see if we can handle this heat together.

HES SO CORNY I WANT HIM

Sitting back in your chair, you smiled. Brian was right. It hadn’t been all that bad after all.

Manifesting expensive smelling brian in my nearest panini shop. Now i just gotta figure that out

Impulsive

Pairing: Brian Kang x female reader

Genre: fluff / coffee shop au

Warnings: none

Word count: 1373

“What’s something you’ve never done before?”

Looking up from the toasted panini you were cutting in half, you frowned at your work friend Stacy. “What?”

Your other friend Zeke clapped his hands together and leaned forward. “Oooh! I like this concept. There’s plenty of things Y/N has never done.”

“Wasn’t this a generic question for us all?” you asked, slightly panicked at the way they were eying you now. You attempted a laugh. “What have you never done then?”

“I can’t think of anything,” Stacy responded with a shrug. “I’ve experimented with a lot of things.”

“So have I,” Zeke added on, shooting you a smirk. “Our Y/N here though…”

Looking between the pair, you gaped at them incredulously. “What? What about me?”

Keep reading

[1akira-b]

May I please ask a Hanma Shuji x fem reader (gn also allowed!) where Hanma just reassures a very insecure reader and tells the reader that he loves them for who they are, and that he hugs them super tight cause it makes reader safe? i just got backstabbed by my gf so....yeah i need this rn

Im so so sorry to hear that lovely unfortunately there are people in this world that will hurt us, it's part of life. That doesn't mean it hurts us any less I'm sorry you had to experience it :(

On a more positive note I am totally happy to write this for you, Hanma is my favorite! That being said I have not watched or read TR for a whileee so please excuse anything that may seem out of character :/

If you need anything else, such as another request or even just someone to talk to I'm always here! :)

Much needed comfort (Hanma Shuji with a insecure Fem S/O)

Hanma Shuji. The name was infamous. Most would would run away at the very mention of the name. Bat shit crazy thats what he was. To any rival this man was nothing short of terrifying but you, you never needed to worry about anything like that. Hanma may be bat shit crazy but he was a pretty decent boyfriend.

Sure he has his quirks (a lot of them) but you love him and he loves you too, you entertain him. He may not be the most normal boyfriend nor do you two have the most conventional relationship but it works. Unfortunately even if you two love eachother there are still a few problems but that's normal! Small fights may occur but they always end the same way a late night bike ride or snack run at the nearest convenience store. The fights were never what bugged you, how could they when you both know they are pointless and you still love eachother?

What got to you was the way people talked or stared. They had you doubting yourself and your worth. Hanma hated this he wished you would just ignore them, does he get all butthurt when people call him crazy? No he doesn't give a shit so why can't you be the same way?? He's come to terms with the fact that you just don't think that way though and he doesn't want the one he loves to be sad so he guesses he can comfort you if you need (he definitely lives for the fact that he gives you comfort, he loves it)

Coming home with bloody knuckles was nothing new to Hanma and you had adjusted to it too. Coming home to see you sitting on the couch looking all pouty on the other hand was something he never wants to get used to. "The fuck you moping about?" He hears you groan in response and he heads over to sit next to you. Sighing he pulls you into his side and wraps a protective arm around your shoulder "What's up any one I need to have a little chat with?" He feels you shake your head which is buried in his side he decides to wait till you speak up.

"Shuji why are you with someone like me?" Though this question is nothing new it catches him off gaurd every time. How could you not know?? Rolling his eyes he looks down at you "told you a thousand times I love ya, keep me on my toes and you're easy on the eyes" he smiles when you look up in his eyes.

"But-" "Uh uh no buts Doll" he wags his finger at you shushing your rebuttal. "Said I love ya, y'mean the world to me ya know?? So quit yer pout'n making me all bummed n' shit." The small smile that graces your lips let's him know he's done a good enough job for today. Lifting you into his lap he squeezes you tight.

When you hug back he decides it's time to cheer you up with something fun. "Better hold on (name)" he quickly stands up and holds you tight while you lock your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck "Shu what're we doing?" He tuts "Dont worry bout it sweetheart we going somewhere to have some fun~" the tone in his voice was always one that indicated he was up to something. Sighing you silently pray it isn't something too illegal as you place a quick kiss on his shoulder making him chuckle.

Hanma Shuji may be an absolute menace but hes you're menace and neither of you would trade that for the world.

[tigerdrop]

Your statement hit me, and now I have a question. I rarely draw for fun, but I want fame, and to put the thoughts in my mind into a medium.

What do I do

you gotta focus on that last thing as your primary motivator or else it will drive you insane. i know this is literally the same thing i said in that post but i am speaking from experience here, both my own and others, and i am not saying that people who do art for attention or fame are bad or somehow less legitimate than people who do art purely for their own enjoyment

like look man. i also desperately wanted to be noticed and to get acclaim for my work. when i was a kid i wanted so badly to be a famous actor it was embarrassing. i wrote fan screenplays for fucking glee in which i was the new main character and i would act them out on my own and fantasize about being up on stage, on tv, and finally being liked and admired. before i got into this fandom i would also fantasize about writing or drawing something that would become wildly popular, and id have a whole bunch of people making fanart and fanfic and sending me fanmail about how much it meant to them and how good my work was and etc etc

getting into hlvrai gave me a taste of that and it fucking sucked!!!

dont get me wrong. positive attention is great. it makes me really happy that people like my stuff and are willing to tell me so. but heres a little "laundry list" of all the stupid insane bullshit ive had to put up with just b/c i briefly got popular in a moderately big fandom:

regular (and incredibly vicious) harassment by people who genuinely saw my art as morally wrong

expectations that i make only a specific kind of art, and anger/backlash when i ignore that and do what i want

people seeing me not as a human being, but as an impersonal figurehead, or an art machine, or as somebody to approach specifically b/c im popular and they want to hang out with somebody popular

legitimate psychological and sexual abuse by multiple people specifically b/c of the above, traumatizing me in ways that i am still not fully "over"

people scanning my posts for anything even remotely problematic so they can hold it against me

creators of the thing i enjoy (and their friends) deliberately seeking out my artwork to make fun of it/express disgust that i would make it

people maintaining a perpetual burning hatred of me for months, or even years, which is totally impossible to resolve b/c there are people you cannot please no matter what you do and its futile to even try

and posting about it publicly! to the point where i literally cannot engage with the NSFW side of the fandom at all b/c its impossible to avoid people who are willing to decry my entire experience with gender and sexuality as "cringe" or "bad representation", or who enjoy publicly speculating over whether or not im an abuser b/c i like it when the fictional machinima character is mean to me

and all this over having written a fanfic online. do you know how much worse it is for people with even bigger followings? people who get hugely popular and then feel like they cant draw anything if it isnt marketable b/c their entire brand has been distilled into one Thing? people who stop posting art entirely b/c their audience has exerted such a strong influence over what they let themselves draw that it killed their enjoyment?

ive seen a lot of people bemoan the fact that a lot of popular artists have really insular circles and dont talk to anybody outside of them. this is why: the internet has cultivated a massive general audience with such an entitlement to your presence that you end up totally dehumanized. i personally am terrified to talk to people outside of a very small circle b/c experiencing a fleeting amount of popularity exposed me to a lot of very dangerous people and fucked me up big time. (i also have a pretty severe case of avoidant personality disorder which doesnt help.)

fame can fuck up your entire relationship to your art. and i am very lucky that right now, i can just draw/write stuff that makes me happy and i have a manageable audience that seems to enjoy it. and also when i need to i can draw art for commissions without it dominating my hobby

if you feel like you can treat making art as Just A Job, then, yknow, thats your call. some people genuinely dont see it as anything more than a paycheck. its not necessarily a good or bad thing. but way, way more of you are vulnerable to a maladaptive relationship with your own ability to create, and i would rather you heed these warnings and still take pleasure in the human act of creation than end up hating the very things that brought you joy

so like tl;dr if you want fame there is a very good chance it will drive you crazy and theres no nice way around it. but if you focus on just putting things into the world b/c you want to get them out of your head, you have a lot better odds of being satisfied. do with that what u will

sorry for the long post. byebye

[fipindustries]

you know, my complaints about rick and morty were basically the same at one time except much more muted. i did like the show quite a lot in the first couple of seasons because the jokes and the plots were genuenly clever and the occassional moments of pathos and drama felt more earned and genuine.

there is this one joke in the good place that i hate, the jearemy bearemy one, i already complained about it in another post but to speed it up, its a dumb joke because it posits a genuenly cool, intriguing fascinating idea that would be fun to explore but is not interested in exploring that idea, in fact there is no depth to explore there, it doesnt make sense that the timeline would be shaped like that, there is no underlying explination, no real logic beyond "lol randum". and yet the characters treat it as weird and fucked up and mindblowing.

rick and morty, to its credit, would actually explore those ideas. and that granted it enough charity that i was willing to overlook its animation style (which also, to be fair, does things i do find genuenly interesting and cool to look at with what it has).

then after season 3 it started to lose me hard because it couldnt make its mind about wether it wanted to be a family guy tier wacky show about silly shitpost sci fi ideas and dick jokes or wether it wanted to be an actual story with a plot, lore, a coherent universe and actual continuity.

a lot of times characters would be reset just for the sake of keeping a joke or a running gag going. other times they would be flanderized or made meaner, again, just for the sake of selling a joke.

i said it in the past, albeit this is more for the sake of personal preference than the show doing something genuenly bad, that im not a fan of how they slowly morphed the character of rick from an insane, borderline senile, crazy old mad scientist whose experience of the multiverse and vast knowledge left him with a broken mind into yet another doctor house.

besides that, it was doing a little too much of that dan harmon humor that i hate which is either try to be more ironic than thou, where you lampshade everything that happens or is said, or try to be more meta than thou where if you point out how meta you are about how meta it is that you are meta about being meta then you dont have to face the unbearable shame of trying to earnestly be meta. and god forbid you try to just tell a joke that is just a funny joke on its own merits.

also the setting is too much of a kitchen sink for my taste. usually i dont kitchen sinks where you have like cyborgs and dinosaurs and fairies and wizards and spaceships and ninjas and dragons, etc all in the same world, plus a multiverse. it makes everything feel meaningless. it gives the writers an excuse to pull off whatever bullshit excuse or reason to resolve any conflict at any moment. rick was too much of a god and a lot of his powers were genuenly broken to the point that it was hard to take any stakes seriously.

there are only so many ways you can say nothing matters until the audience starts taking that message at face value and stops caring about your story.

on top of that they have the shows punching bag jerry where he is a constant loser who is constantly being put down or humilliated and also he is kind of an unlikeable jerk and also he is pathetic. those are just not fun or enjoyable characters to have around.

but then.

then something happened somewhere around season 6.

suddenly they started caring about the show as a story. the coin finally fell on heads, the wave function collapsed and the writers decided we do actually care about this universe and these characters. suddenly we started to have continuity, actual continuity! there were callbacks! old plot threads were picked up back again! arcs started to get completed! in satisfying ways! rick got quietly nerfed, characters started to show actual consistent growth! suddenly it was worth being invested into this story.

i heard there was a constant power struggle in the writers room between roiland and the rest of the writing team, with roiland just wanting to smoke weed, drink, pull stupid pranks and fuck around all day and the writers just wanted to write the show. it would be easy to say that roiland getting the boot is the main reason behind this but he got fired somewhere in early 2023 and the show has been genuenly improving since 2021-2022 so i dunno.

regardless i saw the last two seasons and i genuenly liked them a lot, like a lot a lot. the conclussion of the prime rick arc was great, the continuation of the evil morty character felt genuine, jerry finally stepping up and marginally improving as a person, his friendship with rick actually blossoming, morty starting to grow a proper spine. i dunno.

its just basic storytelling done well, that is all i want man, that is all i ever wanted.

bojack horse bad again

you know, i was thinking back to this show again, i watched three seasons of it and that was all that i could tomach and you know what? no.

i dont accept it

i dont care, it was a bad show, it was an objectively bad show and i dont accept that everyone else decided that it was good, i dont care, it was a bad show and im going to tell you why.

emotional terrorism

maybe im a simpleton but i am someone who cares quite a lot about catharsis in my stories. this show refused to grant that, adamantly and violently. im not saying i need a happy ending, i am more than capable of enjoying bittersweet or even tragic stories, but i need a sense of completeness, some satisfaction, some release, some sense that things matter or meant something. this show insisted on refusing to give that. all this show was interested in was get an emotional reaction out of you. it was the emotional equivalent of a jump scare. it was convinced that if it made you feel bad enough people would confuse that with beeing powerful and deep. you could get the same reaction by walking up to someone on the street and kicking them in the nuts. and it would take about as much subtlety or artistry.

2. writer led rather than animator led

you could tell this was one of those shows that were made on the writer's room, not by storyboarders or artists, by "comedians". by people with english degrees. so many scenes of characters just standing around and talking. so many "jokes" that were clearly meant to be funny as something you read on a piece of paper or on a tweet and chuckle as you read it but as animation it just gave limp, stagnant scenes. so much dialog that were references and quips and puns and fast witticisms of the type you come up in the shower when thinking of clever comebacks.

there were so many fucking scenes where everything would stop and a character would launch on some stupid profound monologue about life and philosophy and psychology and relationships. it was like the writers were trying on for size paragraphs of their future memoirs or self help books. so much dialog that was begging for an award for writing. so many "mic drop" moments that were designed to be quoted. i find that the best writing is not the one that you can just quote out of context as a cool pithy phrase. a lot of the best writing ive seen in my life is meaningless when devoid of context, is inextricable of the scene and indeed of the entire story surrounding it but in here i can almost see the seams where the writers look at the camera waiting to see if you are impressed

3. inconsistent tone

this show wanted to eat its cake and then still have it. there are stories that manage to deftly weave in and out of comedic moments into serious moments. everything everywhere all at once does an amazing job jumping from the stupidest, most childish jokes into the most profound commentary about human nature, sometimes doing both at the same time and it worked, one didint cheapen the other.

in here though, it wanted to both have a completly absurd world with the stupidest characters ever and then somehow make us care for it all as if the show hadnt shot itself in the foot. it wanted us to see caroline being in love with what is clearly three children in a trenchcoat and then take her seriously as an adult, to treat any forther relationship drama she has as if it werent completly farcical.

4. ugly animation

it continued the blight that is take over adult animation by doing that disgusting repugnant paper puppet rigged interpolated quasi flash animation that only gives you stiff poses and movements and incredibly boring shots of characters standing in 3/4 perspective in front of the camera. it dull and flat and clunky and ugly, and the character designs were ugly. the noses were ugly and the mouths were ugly and the hairs were ugly and the eyes were ugly. it was all ugly. the backgrounds were fucking ugly and the colors were ugly and it was an ugly show to look at. unbearably so. and even the obligatory "weird" stylized scenes put in to shake things off and try to pretend that it was visually interesting (for like one scene per season) were also fucking ugly.

5. it had not interesting point to make

all it could do was insist and belavor and extemporize about how this one guy sucks and also most people kind of suck but specifically this one guy really sucks and he is not going to get better, or maybe he will? eh maybe, but not really, because he sucks. and we are going to make you like him because we are the writers and we are going to make him relatable and charismatic and sympathetic but actually no he sucks, you fell for it! and what does it say about you that you almost kind of liked him eh????. season after season of him, and in case you almost found anything redeemable about him, we are going to make him even worse, painfully unsubtly so, we are going to make him look at the camera and say that he sucks, because that is the level of nuance we think you can handle, dear viewer. this is called "self aware writing" and its postmodern and meta, which means its clever.

i fucking hate this show and the more i think about it the angrier it makes me, and what makes me more angriest of all is that people like it. its popular. it won awards i think. its largely recognized as a good show and its not! it sucks and its bad and if you like it you are stupid.