#it was hard to pick one song but the youtube link is one of the best tracks from the second album

[c-rowlesdraws]

this is EXACTLY the kind of thing people mean when they say to not swing a bat at a hornet’s nest, but it’s been quietly driving me insane since 2017 (an insanity that got an extra juice with the release of the second OST album in 2020) and I can’t hold back any longer:��

Akihito Tsukushi is a weird creep who doesn’t deserve a lot of things, but he especially doesn’t deserve Kevin Penkin putting his WHOLE entire Kevin Penkussy into the soundtrack for Made In Abyss, an anime which I don’t necessarily regret watching, but which I probably won’t be revisiting and could not honestly recommend to another human being.

if you haven’t watched this show, you don’t have to watch this show. Just listen to the soundtrack albums and be transported to a magical realm of emotion and melody and a Japanese man hitting high notes that change your brain chemistry. Imagine your own blorbos to this music. Imagine beautiful fantasy landscapes. Imagine anything but most of the actual events of Made In Abyss.

(and if you haven’t read the manga, there is no manga, don’t worry about it.)

[achilleslyre]

kyro for the playlist thingy 👀 ^_^

EEEEE YAYYYY thankies for sending innnnnn

KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH HIS SONG - fugees, ms lauryn hill

YENE NESH WEY (AMALELE) - hailu mergia, dahlak band

RELATIVE - rico nasty

OPHELIAC - emilie autumn

[mysticheathenn]

What Don't You See Coming?

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is all about what kind of abundance (more friends, money, better love, etc) or warnings you don't see coming.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

MasterList

Patreon Link

Ko-Fi Donations

Pile l:

Tarot: 10 of Cups, 7 of Cups, 9 of Cups, The Awakening, The High Priestess.

Okay coming in hot pile l which is also the song that played as I gazed at your cards by Andy Mineo. Pile one what you don't see coming is emotional fulfillment and a spiritual awakening. This awakening is you seeing the many possibilities in your life and how abundant your life truly is. You may have been going through a hard time for a while now and wonder when will things get better and soon, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. For some of you, this could be a spiritual awakening. You are becoming more aware of your most authentic self. Maybe you have been trying to figure out who you are, and what aesthetic you fall under if you are into that (goth, emo, soft girl, that girl, cottagecore, etc etc. For others you you may have been working on a project that you have been feeling a lot of doubts about or maybe haven't seen any feedback on what you have been working on this could be gaining clients, getting more YouTube followers, etc soon your time to shine is coming. I can't say when but keep pushing you are almost there. I know you want to give up and you are tired but keep on pushing you are almost there at the finish line. I see you are very close..how close imagine running a marathon and you see the finish line and the many people crowded around it. That my friend is how close you are to the finish line. Don't lose hope. Lastly, those who have been doubting your intuition stop. Nothing is wrong with your intuition. Now is more than the right time to lean more into it and let it guide you on your current path, I'm hearing you may feel stuck and this is the reason why. You aren't letting your intuition guide you. Your intuition is another way your guides speak to you. Listen to it and stop being hard-headed.

Pile ll:

Tarot: The Chariot, 3 of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, Queen of Swords, The Priestess.

Travel. Friendship, Financial Growth. This pile I believe some of you may be tarot readers just starting out with your own tarot blog, YouTube channel, etc, and wondering if this is the path for you. Keep going you are on the right path just have patience with yourself and you will see growth in no time. Slow and steady always wins the race love, you will get to where you want to be in making this a part of your career or even a side gig if that's what you want to make of this. IF not tarot this is more so of my creatives who are trying to put themselves out there on the internet. Now for the rest of you what you don't see coming is if not travel more directions but I am seeing travel and maybe even moving houses if you want to relocate. But overall you are moving in some shape or form whether physically or figuratively, you are moving. Just as a few people from pile one you may feel lost and need guidance in what you should be doing in this period of your life. Maybe you just hit a new milestone (30 yrs old, 25 yrs old, or even 21 yrs old, etc) and you are wondering what is it that you want out of this next decade that will make you into a better person. Listen to what guidance is downloaded to you and follow it no matter how strange or out of your routine it maybe now is not the time to question your reality. Also for a few of you who have fallen off from your spiritual practice, your guides are calling you to start back and tap into them so they can give you more guidance. You are letting your current stress and struggles lead you and it's not down the path you should be going on. Overall pile ll, you are heading into financial abundance and movement. Some of you are also meeting your soul tribe, but it's only a very select few of you as that message took the back seat to everything.

Pile lll:

Tarot: 7 of Swords, The Hanged Man, 2 of Swords, 3 of Cups (reversed), and Queen of Cups (reversed)

Stillness and Decisions. Overall, Stillness is what you don't see coming pile lll. This may not be what you want to hear but during this time you are being called to make some decisions in your life. Some of you are dealing with people specifically friends or family members who are not good for your well being and you are making a difficult decision on whether you should cut them off. Some of you are waiting to see if 2+2 is equaling four (meaning you are waiting to see if your intuition is right) while others of you are just not wanting to pull the plug because you won't have anyone to call a friend or family but who needs to have friends or family like the ones you may possibly be dealing with. For others of you, this stillness is all about catering to your feminine energy and healing. Make better decisions based on what you want to nurture and bring into your life. Some of you may operate in your masculine energy and are having a hard time trying to balance your feminine energy because your environment around you keeps forcing you to be the leader, coach, alpha, etc when all you want to do is lay back and let someone else take the reigns for a bit and if not that at least relax. Take a spa trip, and not have to worry about the building burning down at work or in other peoples life for just a small moment. You may be the person that everyone goes to for advice and you are starting to feel the emotional toll it is taking on you because not many people are replenishing you or even checking in to make sure you are okay. It's time to cut the cord whether temporarily until you make sure you are okay or permanently. The saying, not my circus, not my monkey popped into my head. Meaning it's not your business or your drama to carry, release it.

Pile lV:

Tarot: 5 of Swords, The Magician, 9 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles, 8 of Pentacles, 4 of Cups

I want you to start saying affirmations in the morning pile lv. Start with I am a powerful manifestor. Everything I manifest or pray for I receive. I have everything I need and more. I never lack in any part of my life. I want you to keep saying them until they feel true and you are embodying this energy because that is exactly what you don't see coming or who you are as a person. Some of you may believe in the Law of Assumption, Lucky Girl Syndrom, the Law of Attraction, The Void, etc, either way, I want you to keep persisting and know that what you want wants you. Everything that you desire is chasing you down to give you the life that you want and deserve but you are too focused on the 3D for validation. You are too focused on what I want isn't here, I don't have this yet, I don't have that yet and you need to stop....take a deep breath and hit restart. You are never lacking pile lV and I say this from a perspective of gratitude. Practicing that writing down everything that you are grateful for that you already have will bring in more of what you want. For others of you, You may work in a field or job that is competitive and feel that you are being overlooked and everyone is getting raises and promotions but you, your time to shine is coming just hang in there but back to those who practice spirituality, etc. Financial abundance, luxury, and even recognition I am hearing for some of you is on the way but you have to have faith, and keep pushing through the doubt, keep persisting through the 3D of not seeing what you don't already have because in another reality you already have what you are attracting (not chasing, attracting). You wouldn't have these desires if they weren't meant for you to achieve this lifetime pile lV. You've got this. You are powerful. You can have any and everything you want. Practice your gratitude and affirmations. A few blogs I recommend are @jordynbreeloa777 , @alilarew23 , and @serial777killers

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay Safe and Be Blessed

[lowkeyrobin]

MONTY FINCH ; dating headcanons

summary ; dating hcs w monty

warnings ; none

word count ; 575

masterlist

he's kind of quiet so a lot of times you do most the talking

he rambles when he's stressed/nervous/anxious or when he's rambling about an interest/something he likes

and trust, he rambles a lot because he loves you bro

he's very respectful with boundaries and will NEVER cross them

he's got a whole list in his mind that he constantly checks on before he even moves around you

he's very gentle but he's not infantilizing if you have any mental / physical disabilities

like he's not gonna treat you like a baby, but he will be careful and respectful and help as much as he can

having a panic attack? he's right at your side trying to help. need your medicine site changed? he's at your service with hand sanitizer and everything you need

you were actually kind of oblivious to his advances

you thought he was just being nice by giving you a reading / teaching you about astrology

he'd always somehow find you just at the right time so you could escape your little dead boy detectives + crystal & niko

gonna be honest, you need a break sometimes. it's hard

but you loved going on little late night adventures with him and trying new food and rollerskating with him

but you did catch on to his feelings after he had to literally spell it out for you

you reference inside jokes ALL THE TIME and charles/edwin/crystal/niko never understand

then you remember "oh I have to explain this" when they give you a confused look

you love looking at funny tiktoks together

and cringe ones that deserve a restraining order

you're basically commentary youtubers atp

you make him bracelets as well, whether they be kandi or string or whatever

he wears them all the time

he's given you a couple jackets as well... let's hope esther never finds out (because they're hers. she was not buying him a whole wardrobe after turning him human)

he loves sharing music with you

and he's always begging for aux in the car / to make you listen to a song / etc etc

i see him being a hozier / david kushner / ethel cain / old friends fan

but he relates to a large handful of sleep token songs as well (I have to mention them at any moment I'm sorry)

he usually listens per artist on his playlists but there are some stray songs that are just there that scream him / he loves

like the reason by hoobastank, airhead by honey revenge, and hell by the home team

I'm describing my monty playlist atp... (link on my masterlist (go to playlists then monty finch))

he's a pretty empathetic person

like if he sees you in any sort of non-happy state, he's gonna ask if you're okay and be there for you

he giggles and laughs a lot

you're very funny, you make him laugh a lot

it's cute 😔🫶

he also picked up drawing

so he's always drawing you when you aren't looking / just in his free time

the diego to his frida

he lovesss compliments

giving and receiving

so there's a lot of those between you two

he's genuinely so sweet

he remembers all your interests and things you like and stuff

so if there's a new season of a show you like coming out or a new album from an artist you like, he's gonna be informing you

[barrenclan]

I've been thinking of this for so long and have only now mustered up the courage to send an ask here. The Nowhere Kings lullaby is so very Deepdark coded.

Thank you for sending in an ask! I always like receiving them.

I agree very much with you, so much that Nowhere King has been on the PATFW playlist for awhile now! Here is a link to it if you'd like to listen.

I like your analysis on it!

Oh, yeah, I can absolutely see this Rainhaze at the very end of his line, twisted by Defiance, and the last lines of the song about him singing to Slugpelt wondering if even she would take him back after everything he's done.

it goes on for so long and it takes so much goddamn shit and benzos to make the skin grow thick and to make the heart grow cold to make your heart grow cold

cover your ears Emily your weakened mind fears nothing i want to know if you'll still care for me if I left you to decay

emily will you bury me the purest sin that ive ever seen emily will you still love me

I like this version! Very mournful. I can see Defiance in it, with more specific Rainhaze bits mixed in.

In the land of Gods and Monsters I was an angel living in the garden of evil Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed Shining like a fiery beacon

"This is Heaven, what I truly want" It's innocence lost Innocence lost

I think I'd put it as a song sung by Pinepaw about Nightberry.

The old man next door says his house is haunted He says a ghost keeps him awake I think he's having a hard time, to be honest Since his darling passed away

I said Robert I'm so sorry Your house ain't haunted You're just not used to bein' alone

Every song is about Rainhaze.

I love this song! Actually, one of the main characters' theme songs - "Twelve Thirty (Young Girls Are Coming To the Canyon)" for Egrettail - is by the Mamas and the Papas, so nice choice. Fits well with Blacknose.

All the leaves are brown (all the leaves are brown) And the sky is gray (and the sky is gray) I've been for a walk (I've been for a walk) On a winter's day (on a winter's day) If I didn't tell her (if I didn't tell her) I could leave today (I could leave today)

You know the preacher like the cold (preacher like the cold) He knows I'm gonna stay (knows I'm gonna stay)

All Fleetwood Mac songs fit with Slugpelt, this is true. Of course I would always love to see an animation of my characters, but the song choice is very good regardless! I like the descriptions of Slugpelt as a "pale shadow of a woman", it fits her chracter very well.

Well, did she make you cry Make you break down Shatter your illusions of love? <- Dustfeather And is it over now, do you know how? Pick up the pieces and go home

Pale shadow of a woman Black widow Pale shadow of a dragon Dust woman

I was very fond of this song when the game first came out, especially a cover that sadly doesn't seem to be on YouTube anymore. Oh well, it still fits Pinepaw perfectly.

Stuck on this dead end street Where all the new kids come to play Stuck–where past and future meet Watching all our autumns drift away

And if they ever hear my name Will they know I walked alone Around these dusty streets–My Tired old home

And will they ever stop to think What was here before, no They won’t remember that I’m gone

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest - Day 16 - Struggling

Summary: Corroded Coffin gets an unconventional gig that might make them some good cash.

Word Count: 901

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: Modern!Corroded Coffin, Older!Corrded Coffin, memes, friendship, bickering and banter, pop culture/social media reference (link at the end of the fic)

Check Out the Main Post for @corrodedcoffinfest here! Even if you didn’t start on Day 1, you can still join!

Tagging: @the-unforgivenn at her request. And @dr-aculaaa and @br0ck-eddie because I'm sorry yall are gonna get a kick out of this one.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

"I hate this."

"My shoes are too tight."

"We look ridiculous."

"I think," Eddie raised his voice so he could stop his friends bitching. "I think we look like a band that's about to be $500 richer."

"So we're just gonna be a band with $500?" Gareth asked, sneakily giving Jeff a high-five as Eddie grumbled at the joke.

Success was hard. Fame was hard. Even harder still when you needed money for things like rent and gas and food.

Not like those things were free when they were still in Hawkins, it was just harder now.

And they were a bunch of 20-somethings up against the whole world, and not just a handful of mediocre bands in their neck of the woods in middle-of-nowhere Indiana.

They were too young to have made it big on Youtube--not that they hadn't tried when they were still in high school--and too old to really understand how to make it big on tiktok.

They'd tried the flossing and the dances...it was just not them.

So random gigs it was; struggling to make ends meet, struggling to make it big.

Until they found something that was an unexpected money maker.

Who knew a comment on a video of them harmonizing with some vocal warm ups would lead to this.

Polished shoes, matching pants that they all had thanks to serving jobs, matching vests they got at some department store closing sale, and the piece de resistance that they actually paid a pretty penny for..straw hats.

Yes, their badass metal band moonlit as a barbershop quartet.

Weddings, anniversary parties, and birthday parties for half-awake octogenarians were their bread and butter. Cash in hand, maybe a little cake, it was great.

They got the loudest applause when they did songs like Let Me Call You Sweetheart and Down By The Old Mill Stream, ones they'd all thankfully learned in 8th grade choir. But sometimes happy couples requested something special, and so they began to spend just as much time practicing their a cappella covers as they did their original songs.

They all knew that they needed to put their pride behind them if they wanted to keep the lights on.

"It'll happen for us one day," they all agreed. "Just gotta wait for that first big opportunity and then we take it."

And of course, that opportunity presented itself as a Battle of the Bands at the Illinois State Fair.

It would be great for them. Big crowd, lots of cameras, and great exposure even if they didn't win.

They just needed the entry fee.

Which is why they were currently standing amidst a veritable sea of people backstage at yet another competition...ready to prove their place as the best barbershop quartet in the county.

So they could prove they were the best band in the state.

"What if we picked the wrong song?" Gareth stopped biting at his fingernails to ask. "I'm sure everyone else is going with something more traditional."

"Which means the judges will have heard those songs a million times before," Eddie argued.

"Originality is not a big part of the score Ed," Jeff reminded him. He thought it over for a second. "I don't think anyone's even gonna recognize our song."

"Then you don't have to sing and we'll just be a trio Jeffrey."

"Listen, I think it's gonna work," Dave interjected in a moment of uncharacteristic positivity. "And we're gonna win."

"That's the spirit," Eddie grinned and clapped his friend on the back.

"Or else we're gonna have to fake our deaths and change our names because we'll be the laughing stock of the metal community."

So much for a vote of confidence.

"The Four Horseman?" one of the event coordinators called to the groups backstage. "You guys are up."

The four of them tensed up.

"Alright, it's now or never," Eddie nodded, swallowing down a sudden bout of nerves.

They all popped their straw hats onto their heads and followed the coordinator out onto the stage. The four of them hummed together to harmonize and then Eddie stepped forward to introduce them.

He stammered through their introduction, almost as if he'd never been on stage before, and he kicked himself.

He was a performer, goddamn it. This was his destiny, their destiny.

And destiny was riding on this moment.

"We're the Four Horseman...and we're guys, so we--"

"Keep a little dirt under the pillow for the dirtman."

Jeff and Gareth fell into song with him, with Dave providing the bass.

"Dim-ba-dim-dim, dim-ba-dim dim."

"In case he comes to town."

The judges all looked a little shocked, but then they glanced around and smiled at each other.

"Keep a little dirt under my pillow for the dirtman."

"Dim-ba-dim-dim, bang bang dim."

"So he won't take me down."

By this verse the four of them had really gotten into the groove of their performance, singing and skatting and harmonizing beautifully. They even threw a little sway into their bodies, knowing that it wouldn't do to stand as still as statues for such a lively tune.

And by the end all four of them ended in sync--

"That's where he keeps his dirt bop-bah-dah-bop."

--and they earned themselves a standing ovation. Not just from the judges but also thunderous applause from the other quartets in the wings of the stage as well.

And $500.

Who knew that tiktok thing would work out after all...

[forgeofthenine]

SO! I found this super sweet and amazing song! Home to me from Moss. Its lyrics reminds me of the Shadowlands and it got my brain rot thinking, what if the partner of Dammon or Zevlor finds them after getting separated while in that veritable hellscape? They reunite and everything is hunky dory (almost)! The partner sees that they are struggling and sings this song to comfort them after everything that has happened. (here is the link so you don't have to go digging into Youtube!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXg6QC3ZQAk

Thanks for the request Anon, I really loved listening to the song and it absolutely gives major Shadowlands vibes. I ended up picking Dammon because my brain kind of clutched onto a specific vision I guess? Either way, I hope you enjoy, I loved writing a bit of comfort for my favourite Tiefling blacksmith :)

The fic isn't too heavy on the angst, reader is gender neutral but is not Tav and is a tiefling.

Home to me

All that runs through your head is thoughts of Dammon. Even knowing he must be beside himself with worry, the mere thought of him is comforting.

You find yourself pressed tight against Lakrissa, the other tieflings arms holding you as firmly as she can, your own tail wrapped tight around her ankle. The echoes of your captors footsteps and the dripping of water turn monotonous as the days pass by. It's too hard to keep track, and soon your group stops trying.

The small group of you fall into a steady silence, all finding companions to clutch and memories to cling to, the only relief you can find in your captivity.

After an eternity, all of you are startled back to reality as a familiar hero comes to stand on the other side of the metal bars, a grin on their face as they find almost everyone alive and merely trapped.

Stepping over the guards dead bodies, trekking through underground tunnels, sailing over a murky black lake with wild shadows lurking at the edges, your journey back to safety is almost as treacherous as the same one leading to your unwanted stay in Moonrise towers.

It's only once you all step foot on solid, safe ground that everyone is able to let out a sigh of relief.

Tearful reunions are all around you, Lakrissa and Alfira wrapped as close around each other as they could, Rolan attempting to hold both his siblings despite the way his body shakes with relief. Once again, the only thing on your mind is a certain blacksmith.

It hardly takes any time to find his new open air forge, well away from the dock you first arrived on. It almost feels like you're in a dream, seeing the expanse of his back as he works at his anvil.

You don't mean to sneak up on him, the ringing of his hammer hiding the sound of your steps crunching in the gravel. The sound of your voice calling to him is what makes him pause, hands letting go of everything he holds when he turns to see you. Whatever he's working on clatters to the floor as he sweeps you up and off your feet entirely, just holding you not enough for him.

You can feel the wet tears pooling and running down the skin of your neck, Dammons face nestled between your jaw and shoulder. It's hard to stop your own tears from falling, hands desperately grabbing for a hold on him.

It takes hours for you to calm Dammon, his hand or tail never leaving your skin for fear you might slip from his grasp again. Even after days you can still see how the worry creases his face, how his eyes linger on you when he thinks you don't notice. As the others settle back into their new normal, and plan for the best way to bring death to Ketheric Thorm, you notice how Dammon seems to stay stuck.

Night falls again, and with it you fear Dammon will find another sleepless night. It's clear he can't keep living like this. Your hands pull him down to rest against your chest, trying to calm him with the soft rumble of a purr building in your chest. Tails intertwine as you refocus his attention on you now, safe and happy in his bed.

Calloused fingers trail patterns over your skin as the silence breaks, a soft melody leaving your lips. "Darkness falls across land, sky, and sea. I can hear your call, calling back to me..."

Only once you sing for him, holding him so desperately close to you, do you see his eyes fall closed and feel his breathing even out against your chest.

[pjsk-story-summaries]

Hear Me! HOPEFUL STAGE! Event Story Summary

TL;DR: MORE MORE JUMP! is invited to do a stream with another former idol-turned-streamer, Nanami. They plan to do one talk segment to properly introduce MORE MORE JUMP!, and then after their first ever show. Though nervous, everyone is excited.

During the talk stream, Haruka, Airi, Shizuku, and Nanamin especially point out Minori's importance in forming the idol group when commenters begin questioning why she's there. Some ask for a demonstration of her ability to pick up routines quickly. However, Minori trips due to nerves and turns the audience against her.

Doubtful of her ability to become a true idol, Minori begins pushing herself more during practice, worrying the other members. She also goes to SEKAI for advice. Luka asks what the thing that makes Minori unique is.

On the way home from practice, Minori ends up running into her very first fan. They resonate with her because they, too, feel like the weakest link on their team. They mention considering quitting. Minori asks them to watch the show stream coming up.

The day of the show, everyone is a bit nervous, but excited for the opportunity. They've been working hard for this moment. Everything goes great, especially Minori's solo segment. The audience begins recognizing Minori as an upcoming idol. At the conclusion of the stream, Minori delivers a short speech about determination and hope, ultimately reaching her fan.

Fan translation (JayCy) / Official English YouTube Upload / Song (Tenshi no Clover) 3DMV

Chapter 1: MORE MORE JUMP! do a question and answer segment on stream. Minori asks some questions to the more experienced idols, too. She struggles a bit to articulate her own answers. After the stream, Minori's a bit embarrassed, but the others are glad for all her comic relief and stream ideas.

On the way home, Minori overhears some strangers talking about MORE MORE JUMP!. They're all excited to see Airi, Haruka, and Shizuku again, but find Minori to be a boring outcast.

Chapter 2: Haruka proposes a joint stream with another former idol-turned-streamer, Hayakawa Nanami. Nanami wants to do two streams, and intro for MORE MORE JUMP! followed by a show. Everyone is excited for the opportunity, including the fans.

Chapter 3: MORE MORE JUMP! go meet Nanami for the talk stream. Nanami was especially excited to meet Minori after Haruka's praise of her. When the stream starts, all the commenters are excited to see the former idols but don't know Minori. One commenter cheers her on specifically, and they slowly start becoming genuinely interested in her.

Chapter 4: MORE MORE JUMP! describe how their group formed. They especially point out Minori's role in motivating them to become idols again. When talking about Minori's hobby of copying dance routines, the chat asks for a demonstration. She ends up tripping over the carpet out of nerves. The chat begins to doubt if Minori has what it takes to be an idol.

At the end of the stream, MORE MORE JUMP! and Nanamin announce the show. The chat is excited, but mad that Minori will be there too.

Chapter 5: MORE MORE JUMP! thank Nanami for the stream before heading out. Haruka reassures Minori that things will end up being ok, but lets her know sometimes she will have to say no to difficult challenges. Minori can't shake the negative comments out of her head, still. She begins to doubt if she can really become an idol.

Minori heads to SEKAI to think. Luka invites her to sing on stage, but she refuses the offer. They notice her forced smile and ask for her to talk. Rin reassures her that she feels the same about Miku and Luka. Miku wants Minori to strive to be herself, not anyone else. Luka asks if there's anything only Minori can do.

Chapter 6: Minori tries doing more and more practice, worrying the others. They ask her to take a break and relax, so they end practice there.

On the way home, Minori is stopped in the street by a fan. They love Minori the most because of her determination and ability to make others smile. They also resonate with her situation of being the least experienced in a team and have considered quitting. Minori urges them to keep trying. Knowing that just words like that don't completely stop the doubts, Minori asks them to watch the next stream.

Chapter 7: Minori runs to SEKAI for advice on becoming an idol. The three help her narrow out the smaller details in choreographies and urge her to keep smiling, no matter what.

After practice, Haruka asks to walk home with Minori. On the way, Haruka reassures Minori that she always has been an idol and always will be one. She also apologizes for her words after the stream, but Minori says it's ok. All she wants is for her teammates to believe in her, which they do.

Chapter 8: MORE MORE JUMP!, Nanami, and Nanami's streamer agency set up for the show stream. Though Minori's still nervous up there and the chat still doubts her ability, the fan she met on the street helps her power through. She performs her solo flawlesslly. The chat, as well has her fellow idols, are proud of her. At the conclusion of the stream, Minori delivers a small message of determination and hope. It managed to reach her fan.

[vocaloid-song-of-the-day]

We've had 16 years of our best girl! She's brought the world, and this community, together with the wonderful songs created using her. There's been a lot of amazing melodies brought to us with the help of Miku, so let's see what you guys' favorites were!

~~~

2007

After fighting neck and neck all day, Melt by ryo (22.9%) won out against Miracle Paint by OSTER project! (niconico link)

~~~

2008

There were several in first place throughout the day, but in the end, the winner was Love is War by... well, also ryo (18.8%), who also took second place with World is Mine! (niconico link)

~~~

2009

wowaka's first entry and first win with Two-Faced Lovers (39.6%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2010

With a landslide second victory, Rolling Girl by wowaka (55.7%) takes the 2010 slot! (youtube link)

~~~

2011

The third victory in a row, wowaka takes 2011 with Unhappy Refrain (22.9%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2012

Pinocchio-P takes the win with his first entry, Common World Domination (35.1%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2013

The 2013 slot is taken by Aishite Aishite Aishite by kikuo (23.9%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2014

Patchwork Staccato by toa was close all day, but didn't manage to overtake Hibikase by Giga (24.6%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2015

Keeping the lead all day, Alien Alien by NayutalieN (31.4%) wins the 2015 poll! (youtube link)

~~~

2016

With a heavy lead, Ghost Rule by DECO*27 (30.4%) takes 2016! (youtube link)

~~~

2017

wowaka's brief comeback to the vocaloid community brings him another win with Unknown Mother Goose (33.1%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2018

Mikito-P snags a win with Ghost Girl (Shoujo Rei) (26.4%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2019

With more a third of the total votes, syudou takes 2019 with Bitter Choco Decoration (36.6%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2020

In an unprecedented twist... 2020 saw a 3-way tie! With 15.8% of the votes each, Digital Girl by Kira, Darling Dance by Kairiki bear, and Because You're Here by PinocchioP all take the win, with Jackpot Sad Girl by syudou just one vote behind! (Digital Girl youtube link) (Darling Dance youtube link) (Because You're Here youtube link)

~~~

2021

PinocchioP songs duked it out, with Non-Breath Oblige and God-ish neck and neck all day (as well as Undercover by DECO*27), but in the end Non-Breath Oblige (23.9%) was the winner! (youtube link)

~~~

2022

PinocchioP takes his third win in a row with a quarter of the votes on Reincarnation Apple (25%)! (youtube link)

~~~

2023

And in our last poll, for the current year, DECO*27 and PinocchioP both snag another win with (Not) a Devil (33%)! A fitting win, I'd say, being such a wonderful showcase of how different producers use Miku in different ways! (youtube link)

~~~

Some other information and stats:

(If I counted correctly) PinocchioP received the most total unique song submissions at 15, with DECO*27 right behind at 13!

wowaka's Rolling Girl received the most total submissions!

PinocchioP received the most wins at 5 - unsurprisingly when you consider that PinocchioP won the producer poll a few months ago!

DECO*27's Ghost Rule received the most total votes on any poll! (30.1% of 184 votes = 56 votes)

Propaganda by Crusher was the first non-Japanese song to get submitted. Digital Girl was the only non-Japanese song to receive a win

Annnd... if anyone's curious, my votes were:

Miracle Paint by OSTER project

Love is War by ryo

Romeo and Cinderella by doriko

Rolling Girl by wowaka

Senbonzakura by WhiteFlame

This is the Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee by Utata-P

Self-Inflicted Achromatic by nekobolo (it was so hard choosing between that and Fakery Tale)

Sea Lily Deep Sea Tale by n-buna (also very difficult choosing for that year)

My R by Kurage-P

Ghost Rule by DECO*27

Hibana by DECO*27 (also a difficult year to pick)

Garando by Picon

Psychogram by DECO*27 (I really like deco niina-san, okay)

Cynical Night Plan by Ayase (another difficult year)

God-ish by PinocchioP

Hollow (Utsuru o Aogu) by Choisauce (which I thought would receive more votes....)

(Not) a Devil by DECO*27 and PinocchioP

I hope you all enjoyed, and once again, Happy Birthday to our girl!

[puckpocketed]

tag game! pick a song for each letter of your url and tag that many people (if you can)

thank u for the boop @maxkeplers <3 i WILL be flexing my listening range and overdoing the assignment (song blurbs!!!). additionally, all songs link to youtube + collected playlist at the end if anyone would like to listen to them all in one place :3

P - Perfect Blue by Macross 82-99. I used to stream my art years ago and one of my viewers linked some Macross, and I’ve never looked back. this is one of my faves from their discography. I hope that guy is doing okay!!

U - Uh Huh by TrippyThaKid. hehehe weed song . i confess this one’s on my ranked valorant hype playlist for when i need to Lock In <- duelist main (derogatory). the music video by itself is such a wonderful experience but also his flow is bizarrely sick and compelling to me <3

C - Cold Turkey by The Happy Fits. Everyone moved on from 2010s british alt rock but i’m still there and so are THF. theyre still releasing this type of stuff in the year of our lord!! there’s whimsy to them… they have a whistle only section in this song… u will have to pry this music from my cold dead fins…!!!!!!

K - Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer. i love rom coms so bad, and every time i listen to this song i am filled with the sweetest nostalgia <3 if you haven’t seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. please. it’s a batshit film about two deeply damaged people trying to play relationship chicken whilst torturing each other in an effort to get the other person to leave them. they simply do NOT make films like this anymore !!!

P - Pressure by Abhi The Nomad. he’s an Indian hip hop artist, he raps and sings and has this habit of slotting these gorgeous little electric guitar solos into his songs. there’s a pop twist to his music, and he collabs far and wide. this song is slow and buttery smooth and such a pleasure to listen to.

O - Oh Yeah! by Green Day. they’re still making music and it still fucking slaps and i will nevaaa move past my based punk KINGS.

C - Chocolate by Day6. alright so has anyone ever run into that problem of finding a song from an artist/band and it vibes with you hard and brings you joy and you go to check out their other music and it turns out the song you liked was some experimental B-side track and none of their other stuff is like that. well. this was me with this song except this song was a thing they wrote for the OST of a kdrama. i wish i was joking. </3

K - Karma Bonfire by Diablo Swing Orchestra. ill be real. this is theatre kid music. but its somehow not attached to a musical. it’s also got jazz and swing elements. yeah idk either.

E - Escape by Asta. just one of my faves. nothing smart to say i just love this.

T - The Dreamer by The Vaccines. this is not the first song from this album i’ve recommended. this is my album of the year. it’s about remembering a relationship, the end of it, the never-end of it. my favourite lyrics in this song are from the chorus, “I know the night has got two faces, there’s one that runs and one that chases, but if I caught you in between, then I would wait for you in dreams.”

E - Eternal Groove by Android52. what it says on the tin. i could listen to this on loop for hours. i have done so!

D - Dark Matter by Steve Vai. to round out our instrumental theme… Can we have him on a Hades 2 music dlc. pleek. steve vai i love uou <3 he writes music i would blast if i was condemned to running solo tank on a raid you know what i mean??

Here’s the whole thing on youtube in a handy playlist as promised! it’s not very coherent in terms of genre or vibes at all so caveat emptor BIGLY

tagging: @oensible <- if u find a way to include weezer i would simply perish from laughter. @em-ptynet @sevennone @brocksfaber @chownkie @mkaugust @larsnicklas @wheelsnipecelebrini as always no pressure to play!! and if you see this and would like to join in, consider yourself tagged 🫵💯🔥🔥🔥

[edge-oftheworld]

a snapshot in time of my CALM orchestral arrangement

so I just discovered that this is a thing you can do on tumblr and i've been debating putting it up here (i'm not even sure it's legal) but at this point, to me it's worth the (very slim) lawsuit risk to show you guys the inspo behind making this blog. for @bluewrite who i've been meaning to email this to for ages but never got there. for @tleeaves who i think got a slightly older version as did @ghost-of-you but this is also for all of you who've heard me rattling about music things, for people i've gotten into 5sos by talking about this project such as @thevagabondexpress (thank you for drawing the U2 link).

anyway, as you probably know i'm a classical violist. i know my instrument and i know a fair amount of music theory and i know how to play the keyboard/piano as well and at the start of this project i knew very little about building orchestral scores or anything about wind instruments at all. i'd written arrangements and original pieces before but only for strings-only orchestras, and though i'm alright at pulling out instrumentation from songs my experience is largely in the more classic 2000s pop/rock/worship with very minimal synth activity and max 3 part harmonies. to say this was a challenge is an understatement.

it's also not finished yet. i've gone back and forth on this getting feedback from a bunch of people, much of which i didn't understand and wasn't ready to implement. i've also found ashton and calum's videos explaining these songs in more detail and the acoustic version of teeth and best years with the actual chords of the songs and now, differently to the week tfofu came out but similar, i'm on it again, noticing things. noticing musical trends. most of this was done by pure sound intuition and a handful of piano scores arranged by @/keudae on youtube i bought and played to get a feel of the songs. I feel really stoked to have picked up on the whole lover of mine setting us up for lonely heart and being a bit like ghost of you and some of the themes within the album!

but there is a lot i didn't pick up on. especially in the last movement i don't truly feel like i did any of those songs justice. nor lonely heart. and there is a stark difference between the quality of the songs that were played at the RAH and the ones that i only had a studio version to work off (my strings background comes out here). i've also looked at all the 22 individual parts and realised, hey, i want to be in the 5sos spirit and make every single one of these fun to play and right now the only one that is is the cello which carries luke's main melody line but it's also kinda working too hard.

and that's the thing i know, probably apart from that one keychange into lonely heart from ghost of you, this for the most part sounds good and i want to share it here before i rejig it too much, make it too much more orchestral, so we can remember it and see it evolve. because i have a bunch of juno and guitar and percussion and harmony parts i haven't put in. general song vibes. shake up the choruses and make them a variation on themselves each time. maintain the atmosphere it's got but add more layers to it, be more true to the original songs. make something i would be proud to show 5sos if the opportunity ever arose, something that would actually astonish them and I think I can. because their musicality in this album is astounding, and something i haven't seen in heaps of other artists, and i want to recognise that and draw it out in something that can do it justice like an orchestra.

[davidwarnercorner]

Hostile Takeover (1988), starring David Warner, Kate Vernon, Michael Ironside, Jayne Eastwood, and Will Lyman (Youtube Link).

This is the first obscure David Warner movie I'm reviewing! Not the first one I've watched, but the one that made the biggest impression on me so far. I genuinely liked it and would recommend it (the only downside is that the only versions I can find online are VHS rips with not the highest video quality).

The premise: Eugene Brackin (David Warner), a disaffected, repressed office worker at a local power plant, takes three of his coworkers—Larry Gaylord (Michael Ironside), Sally Laird (Kate Vernon), and Joan Talmudge (Jayne Eastwood)—hostage, but makes no specific demands. Outside, local police chief Smolen (Will Lyman) tries to diffuse the situation without resorting to violence.

The sets are limited: most of the action takes place either in the office or just outside of it (it would probably make for a good stage adaption). Hostile Takeover is a character driven story about what it takes for someone to crack and what happens when they do. It engages with ideas about modernity, alienation, and longing; interwoven throughout are references to the T.S. Eliot poems "The Hollow Men" and "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" (and maybe others that I didn't pick up on). Whatever you make of it, this movie was trying to say something about modern life.

(More under the cut because this gets long. Spoilers below.)

Reviews

Reviews for Hostile Takeover are mixed, but I'm going to defend it a bit. Is it a perfect movie? No. But I think the experience suffers if you come into it with the idea that this is a true horror film, when really it's a psychological thriller. There are two brief scenes where there's a lot of dramatic blood, but those make up maybe half a minute of the total 90. There are tense, suspenseful moments, but I'm quite a coward when it comes to horror and this didn't bother me.

A lot of other online reviews call it a "Thanksgiving horror movie," and I'm not sure how this category got attached to it. It came out in December 1988, so it can't be based on release date, and Thanksgiving is never mentioned, we only see that it's autumn. Maybe it's because the movie was released in some countries under the title Office Party and the fact that it starts on a day when people would normally be out of office, like for a holiday (admittedly, I thought it was just a weekend).

Characters

All the central characters in this are interesting in their own ways and get their own moments of backstory, but the ones I want to talk about most are Eugene, Sally, and Smolen.

Eugene - a man who is frustrated enough to take his coworkers hostage but also polite enough to demand that the police bring dinner for them and repeatedly says he doesn't want to actually hurt anyone. David excels at playing characters that are a bit angsty and not quite satisfied with themselves, and Eugene fits that mold.

We're never explicitly told why he did what he did, but it's not that hard to infer. Eugene is a shy middle-aged man who lives alone in a tiny apartment, has nothing better to do than come in to his meager-paying job on an off day, and is maybe a little infatuated with his younger female coworker but is too restrained (and too self-conscious?) to pursue her even when she shows interest. He seemingly followed the "right" path for the 20th-century man and yet still feels his life is hollow. He insists that he's not a crazy, "psycho-type," he only wants to be perceived that way so he'll be sent to a hospital in the end, presumably because he wants to escape it all.

I wouldn't pick up a gun about it, but I can understand his despair. The loneliness and alienation he feels (and, on the other hand, the obsession some of his other coworkers have with money and power) are predictable side effects of the capitalist hellscape we live in.

...Moving away from that, let's talk about how hot David is in this. Some of that may be down to my personal preferences: I'm a sucker for stressed-out businessmen and the role that made me notice him for the first time was Sark/Ed Dillinger in TRON. But here...the suspenders with the gun holster. Him walking around with his tie loose. Being 1988, he'd started going grey and late 80s-early 90s David is peak dilf for me, the silver streaks in his bangs and at the temples make me feral. It's no wonder the next character, Sally, wanted him.

Sally - some Letterboxd reviews were very negative to Sally, saying that she's actually the most unsympathetic character and that she manipulates and seduces Eugene. I disagree, though I may be biased because if I were in her situation, I'd probably (want to) act the same. Textually, though, I think there is some support for my interpretation.

In her introductory scene, we see her walk into the office and immediately flirt with him. It didn't seem like she was doing it to mock him—she's also the only one (I think?) to call him "Gene" instead of his full name, which implies some fondness. We later learn that Sally is attracted to power, and she comments about how powerful Eugene is in his newfound position as hostage-taker, but let's remember that she was interested in him from her first scene, before there was any hint of anything being different that day. We also see that she previously attempted to "sleep her way to the top," but that it didn't work for her and she's bitter about the whole thing.

People also seem to think her affection towards him was just in service of self-preservation, but by the end she doesn't even seem to care about that anymore. She says to him, "you can still get away if you use me as a shield...you're loving and honest and kind, you don't have to die for this, Gene!". You could argue it's some kind of Stockholm Syndrome situation, but imo she seems to be basing this on experience beyond just the last two days spent in the office.

Also, like, is it really so hard to believe that she might genuinely be into him? Some people are just into dilfs and that's okay! It's normal! Us dilf-fuckers deserve the representation and Sally is great! She hates her asshole boss and wants the old man dick, she's just like me fr.

Unfortunately (spoilers), she doesn't get her tropical beach vacation ending with Gene and instead has to watch him die. And she'll have to live with that memory. It's all the more tragic because there are hints that their relationship could have worked if they had been able to open up to each other under different circumstances. As Smolen says, "what a fuckin' waste."

Smolen - there's more to this guy than initially meets the eye. He looks like the total opposite of Eugene, a stereotypical jock, but as the story progresses, parallels are drawn between the two. Someone even accuses him of holding the rest of the police force hostage because he won't let them go in guns blazing. He also takes the time to try to understand Eugene; he's the one who figures out the poetry connection. Eventually (spoilers), he ends up being the one to kill him and, though this is probably an artifact of the bad VHS quality, it looked like there was a trickle of blood running down his own forehead. In the end, both of them were forced into violence they didn't want.

Connections

Random connections I made while watching the movie, kind of like a trivia/fun facts section I guess?

Eugene reminded me a lot of D.B. Cooper. All these years later, we still don't know who he really was or why he hijacked that 727 on Nov. 24, 1971 (now that'd be a Thanksgiving movie!). What we do know was that he was middle-aged, polite to the crew, and had an unspecified "grudge."

One of the T.S. Eliot poems the movie references is "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock," a stanza of which goes like this:

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be; Am an attendant lord, one that will do To swell a progress, start a scene or two, Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool, Deferential, glad to be of use, Politic, cautious, and meticulous; Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse; At times, indeed, almost ridiculous— Almost, at times, the Fool.

This part is not quoted in the movie, but it hit me kind of hard considering this context: David played Hamlet on stage in 1965, but it'd been almost 25 years since then when Hostile Takeover was made, and he was in the middle of being in a bunch of random B-movies. It also makes me think of when he was asked, around the time TRON came out, about playing so many villain roles and what he'd like to be in next, and he said something like "I'd like a romantic comedy." And then he...didn't get that? Ever? At least not as a lead. I...yeah. He does at least get the girl in this one! Briefly!

Conclusion

Should you watch this movie if you're a David Warner liker? Definitely. Should you watch this movie otherwise? At least give it a try. I didn't know where else to mention it but the soundtrack also stood out to me, it's very 80s but still good. The way they incorporated the popping and clanging sounds the heaters inside the building make into the music...banger.

I'll be posting some gifs from the movie soon. If you do watch this, or have watched it, please let me know what you thought....am I getting it all wrong? Are you team Sally?

Youtube Link Here. This is to a different or upscaled version than the one I watched. I only found it after I took all the screenshots and did all the gifs. My loss is your gain...?

[mysticheathenn]

Your Ideal Person VS Who your Soulmate is

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card is all about how you see yourself versus how others see you. This is a Patreon exclusive for all tiers.

Remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

The Patreon Reading includes:

Who is your Ideal Person? (What do you want to attract)

What will your person be like? (The "One" / Soulmate")

Extra Messages

Patreon Link

YouTube Link

Ko-Fi Donations

Pile l:

What type do you typically go for? (Who do you keep attracting) Tarot: 6 of Pentacles (Reversed), Justice, The Emperor (reversed), 6 of Cups (reversed), The Sun.

Two words: Losers & Pretenders. The song Pretenders by Foo Fighters popped into my head as soon as the Sun card came out to tie the pile together pile l. The type of person you typically go for are those who appeal to be one way but show up as something completely different. Similar to the song Stranger by Hilary Duff where she mentions in front of everyone you are the perfect person but behind closed doors you're nothing but a lie, a con artist, a loser. Your type possibly approached you with love bombing where they fed you a lot with false hope, and promises, saying that you deserve the world but their actions never back it up and it typically takes you a while for you to catch on but when you do you find it hard to leave because wanting to give this person the benefit of the doubt. For some of you, it's not even that, you're just d*ck or p*ssy whipped and can't let go of that. Your type isn't very generous even though they can be, just not towards you. They may come off as toxic masculine or even appear as masculine but again behind closed doors they are not that. The vibe I'm getting from your pile is you may have a thing for Alpha podcasters or pick-me podcasters. Those who claim they lay down the law when in reality they just transmute bullshit, manipulation, toxicity, etc. Remember energy has nothing to do with gender so this can go for anyone.

Patreon Post Link

Pile ll:

What type do you typically go for? (What do you keep attracting) Tarot: The Emperor, Judgement, 8 of Cups, Ace of Cups, King of Wands, 6 of Swords (reversed)

Two words Pile ll: Toxic and Passion. Two songs popped into my head, Fetish by Selena Gomez and Toxic by Kehlani. A popular Tv couple also sprung into my head and it's Olivia Pope and Fitzgerald Grant from Scandal and in the words of our girl Olivia Pope: "I want that painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love."You love your relatiponships toxic where you break up and make up agai with classic make up sex. Might I add kinky, rough, and passionate sex..I feel some of you like to be twisted like a pretzel, ahaha. No kink shaming here, lord knows I like it too. Another song came through it's by Beyonce Up All Night.

" So many people that I know, they just tryna touch ya Kiss up, and rub up, and feel up Kiss up, and rub up, and feel up on ya Give you some time to prove that I can trust you again I'm gonna kiss up, and rub up, and feel up Kiss up, and rub up, and feel up on ya"

Some of you keep going back to a cheater. If not a cheater maybe you are a side chick, mistress, maybe even sex worker for some of you, but overall the people you love to attract just aren't shit. But you can't help but keep falling for them because they fill some sort of emotional and sometimes even physical need that you feel you can't find anywhere else. This reminds me of when SZA mentioned her ex-fiance and how no one competes to the connection that they had. You may feel this way about the kind of people you attract romantically pile ll. You can't seem to let them go sometimes until you feel it's too much but then you are right back at it again with this person in the same cycle never wanting it to end. Hoping that what you guys do share is enough. I can tell this question "Is it enough?" may keep you up at night sometimes. Some of you the type you attract support you financially, some physically, others, emotionally.

Patreon Post Link

Pile lll: (I teared up at your reading on Patreon)

What type do you typically go for? (Who do you keep attracting?) Tarot: Queen of Cups, 3 of Swords, King of Swords (reversed), 7 of Pentacles (reversed), The Chariot (reversed)

Two Words: Maneater & Manipulator. Maneater by Nelly Furtado is playing in my head as I look at your cards pile ll. You love to go for the bad boy/Girl/person type pile lll. Some of you keep dealing with heartbreak when it comes to the people who you keep attracting. They come in as a smooth talker and then leave you high and dry after they get what they wanted out of you. Whatever that is some of you it's sex, some it's money, your time. your beauty, or just for you to be their emotional dump. You may also be the type of person who when someone leaves you they find their person right afterwards. This is only for a select few of you. Overall you never get anywhere with your type because when you think things are going good things take a wild turn and you're left in confusion as to what happened. Why again are you going through people who don't truly want to deal with you but what you can give them. Culture Club "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me:

"Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Precious kisses, words that burn me Lovers never ask you why In my heart, the fire's burning"

You are tired, lonely, and worn out by the people who come into your life. You just want someone genuine I feel.

Patreon Post Link

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon. I hope you guys love this reading as much as I do. It was fun doing it, especially piles 2 and 3.

Stay safe and be blessed

[jupiter-descending]

I'm curious. What's your favorite ace attorney song?

HHOOHOOHOO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING

i absolutely love the great ace attorney chronicles soundtrack!! i’m literally going to make video essays about it (soon, once i’m less busy) it’s really hard for me to pick one favorite honestly so i’ll give you 3

my favorite situational theme is either Suspense I or Partners (ESPECIALLY THE ARRANGEMENT ON YOUTUBE). i love the dramatic and droning tones of suspense, but the partners just gets me so fucking hyped for all of the reasons in that post (spoilers for tgaa 2 in the hyperlink) (links to songs under the cut)

my favorite character theme is a tgaa 2 spoiler (this soundtrack is insane in that the titles of the songs are spoilers, so quit reading if you’re planning on playing tgaa 2)

it’s gotta be His Glorious Return, i have to stop whatever i’m doing when it comes on… kazuma…….

[mashihope]

[The Day] || Bangchan, Stray Kids

(This mini moodboard is made by me; I don’t own any of the pics.)

• Member: Bangchan

• Group: Stray Kids

!! • Warning: Mentions of food, of self esteem issues and/or anxiety; Y/N is afab to match the person this is mainly written for.

• Synopsis: Your birthday has arrived. Your boyfriend Chan loves to pay attention to details and has been in charge of planning everything two months in advance. From the presents to the people he's gonna invite to the party, because this is truly going to be an unforgettable event.

[Note: The titles of the songs will be linked to their youtube video :) This scenario is a really late gift for @ailenuspot for her birthday, the cake went into the oven in 2022 and has just came out so the taste may not be as good as it could have been in the beginning. With nothing else to say, happy birthday! <3]

"Come on, Y/N, Chris is waiting outside with the car. We can't make him wait any longer", your friend Hannah said while pulling your arm, trying to get you out of the room.

"I can't, this dress looks horrible on me, have you seen your brother? He's a walking work of art, I can't go there looking like this", you said, trying to pull down the zip of the dress in order to try another one on.

Hannah took your hands and held them in front of you, frowning.

"Y/N, first of all, you don't look horrible at all, you are and look beautiful, Chris would still love you and see you being just as pretty even if you decided to dress up with a trash bag. And second, I'm kinda offended that you're ignoring my divine beauty, where do you think he's gotten it from?", she said, trying not to laugh after her later words. She let your hands go and softly patted your cheek.

You checked yourself one last time in the mirror, trying to process her words and suddenly having an internal debate, wondering if it would be bettter for you to just wear a trash bag instead of that pink strap dress.

She pulled your arm, once again, taking advantage of the fact that you were distracted and finally managed to get you out of the room (ignoring your complains). You followed her out, picking up both of your bags so you wouldn't forget anything. She openned the door after taking a quick look at the time on her phone and walked faster towards the elevator, making you do the same.

You saw your boyfriend leaning against the car with his arms crossed, not being able to hold back the smile that had shown up on his face a few minutes ago while thinking about everything he had prepared, imagining your bright eyes and that smile of yours that he loved so much. He still hadn't noticed that you were already out and looking at him from the top of the stairs so he just kept daydreaming. Hannah shook her head after watching him for a while.

"We can go now", she hit his brother's arm playfully, trying to get his attention after walking up to the car. You were standing behind her so he hadn't see you yet.

"Y/N...", he said softly, trying to make you go out of your hideout.

Your cheeks turned pink when your eyes met. You saw that a thousand stars started to adorn those small brown planets you used to orbit around every day. You felt a tickle in your chest, a warm and familiar feeling, that one that fills you when you know you're safe, at home. That feeling turned into butterflies fluttering around your stomach as you noticed those little dimples that crowned his cheeks like diamonds. Those cheeks that you used to shower with kisses every morning, making the boy laugh under your dancing lips, unable to contain himself due to the tickling they made him feel with each fleeting kiss.

Hannah stood there, beside you, letting that little moment full of magic flow. Her eyes moved from her brother to you, and back to him. She knew it was a normal thing between you two and it usually happened when you stared at each other for more than five seconds… But it was hard for her to get used to and it almost gave her chills.

Neither of you spoke. That silence was more than enough to see and understand the thousands of words that were floating around you, Thousands of unspoken words that sweetly caressed the heart, making it beat faster. It had always been like that. Awkward silence? Never.

The soft summer breeze was the only one that could be heard at that moment, reminding you that you were not alone, making your little bubble of love and happiness burst to bring you back to reality.

"You look beautiful, Y/N", he finally said, still smiling and lovingly pecked your lips. You almost didn't notice that his kiss made the negative thoughts go away for a while.

Hannah made a disgusted noise and stuck out his tongue while walking towards the car door. "I TOLD YOU", she mumbled under her breath (way more loudly than she meant it to be), looking outside through her window after sitting down on the back seats.

Chan glanced at her, shaking his head after nervously chuckling, because he was, in fact, more nervous than he actually seemed. He wasn't afraid but was scared of something going wrong. He would never forgive himself.

At the same time, you were so nervous that anyone who looked at you could have confirmed that even your eyelashes were shaking. You had a love-hate relationship with surprises and no matter how much you tried to imagine it, you would have never guessed everything your boyfriend had prepared for your big day.

After checking once more that everything was right, Chan started the car and began to drive to the party place. To say the truth, you had left the house a little later than expected but he decided not to mention it because after being together for so long he could perfectly imagine the reasons behind that. He didn't want to make you feel guilty for something like that, even less on a day like this.

After a few minutes, the traffic light decided that it was the right time to make you stop. Seeing the line of cars ahead of you and how the drive would probably take longer, Chan began to hum the melody of a song, almost without realizing it. You frowned as you began to recognize it, but you couldn't remember which one it was.

"That sounds familiar, where was it from?", you asked glancing at both of them. Nobody said anything, Chan looked at his sister thorugh the mirror with a guilty smile. She smiled back while shrugging. "Okay, thank you", you said in such an adorable sarcastic way that Hannah hid her silent laugh behind her phone screen.

“According to my sources, ‘it’ should be ready in half an hour”, your friend said in a tone that was way too mysterious for your liking, not looking up from her phone. Chan responded with a sound of affirmation as he nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off the road. The cars started moving and he felt like he could finally breathe again.

"Why so much secrecy? Did I miss something?", you asked, looking at both of them while frowning. The silence that filled the car after your words was an indirect confirmation of your doubts.

Hannah decided to put on one of her many random playlists, hoping that it would distract you from asking more questions that neither of them could answer… At least, not yet. She started dancing in her seat as one of her favorite songs filled the silence of the car. Chan bobbed his head to the music.

Shortly after, to avoid making the journey too long for you, Chan decided it was time to change the playlist for one of his own this time. Polaroid Love started playing, drawing an immediate smile on your lips. You noticed Chan's hand giving your leg a gentle, affectionate squeeze, like every time he knew you were nervous.

(...)

An hour later, you looked up from your phone screen as you felt the car begin to slow down. You rolled the window all the way down to look around. A strong scent of flowers reached you, tolerable enough to take a deep breath. The place seemed to be a hotel almost on the outskirts, far from all the noise of the traffic. A pair of "miniature" gardens decorated the entrance on either side of the main door, from which steps with gold details descended. At the final part of it there was a man dressed in a suit, following you with his eyes and smiling from ear to ear.

"We're here", Chan said, not adding a single word. He wouldn't have been able to anyway, his voice was already starting to have a slight tremor (which you didn't notice, still admiring the flowers).

The car stopped and the man in the suit approached Chan's window, waiting for him to get out. They greeted each other happily with a hug. You couldn't help but feel confused, glancing at Hannah, but only managed to see her getting out and throwing herself into the man's arms.

Chan noticed you were still sitting and turned around. He let out a nervous smile, a little guilty perhaps.

"This is Louis, he's an old friend of the family. He's… like an uncle to us. Louis, this is…", your boyfriend began to explain, opening the door for you and letting you out.

"So this is the famous Y/N! It's a pleasure!", Louis approached you, followed by Hannah, "I've heard so much about you… I was starting to wonder who this Y/N is that is making my Christopher so happy…", he made a gentle attempt to take your hands, attentive to any sign of discomfort, "Thank you for everything you've done for him, I can't help but feel proud to see what this boy has become after all… And I know that part of it is due to you".

Your eyes began to fill with tears. There was something in the man's voice… You could feel the sincerity of his words, coming from the depths of his heart to brighten yours. Chan noticed it immediately, pulling you closer to him to put his arms around you.

(...)

After leaving the car for Louis to find a good parking spot, you walked towards the room where the party was going to be held, walking down wide hallways. You noticed a vase of roses (pink, to be precise) on a table. You turned around to talk to Hannah about it, but it was clear that she had disappeared at some point.

"Uh… Where's Hannah?", you turned around completely, letting your feet start to move. Chan gently tugged on your arm, "Don't worry, she must have stopped to go to the bathroom, let's keep going".

You looked at him, you had the feeling that he was lying, but why? Didn't he know where his sister had gone either? You would have liked to ask him one more time but he was already starting to walk away and you didn't want to get lost in that place.

After walking down a couple of hallways and turning around three times, the sound of music started to get closer. You could recognize the song when you were close enough to the doors, it was Darari by Treasure. Certainly, it was a song that had marked many of your dates, appearing when you least expected it (in a personal playlist of some ice cream shop worker, fans listening to it on their phone…) to turn it into a special song for you.

Chan stopped just before opening one of the doors and took a deep breath. He turned around and searched your eyes for any sign of imminent escape, "Are you ready? Should we go and wait a moment?"

"I'm fine, I'm dying to see what you've prepared", you approached him to leave a fleeting kiss on his cheek. His adorable dimples greeted you once again, anyone could have noticed at that moment how happy your boyfriend was to be there with you.

After gently taking your hand, he pushed one of the doors slowly. The sound of the music grew louder, you could even hear the guests talking, some of them laughing excitedly. Chan gestured for you to enter first, being the gentleman he always is.

Under all that noise, you began to hear a faint sound of knocking on the floor, one after another. You didn't have time to try to figure out where it was coming from when a cheerful ball of fur began to move between your feet.

If it hadn't been for Chan, you would have ended up sitting on the floor. Little Berry had recognized you the moment you had appeared through the door and hadn't been able to wait for you to approach her. Between little laughs and words of affection, you tried to pick her up in your arms. The love you felt for each other was obvious.

Stroking Berry's head tenderly, you began to look around. The place was very spacious, with enough tables for all the guests (which you would have sworn would be less, but apparently you were wrong), a dance floor and even a stage. The place was completely lit up, from elegant crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling to the huge windows that collected the warm afternoon light. In every corner, you could see pink decorations of different shades, but none of them looked bad to the eye. You could even see numerous vases similar to those you had seen on the way to the room, all of them decorated with, once again, pink roses.

It all looked like a fairy garden, but the hotel's own decor made it clear that you were witnessing a scene straight out of a fairy tale in which you were the protagonist and that was your palace, with your prince.

"Chan…", you started to say. Neither of you spoke, he had been staring at you from the first moment, unable to hide that huge smile that had appeared on his lips when he noticed the sparkle in your eyes. It was just as he had imagined, maybe even better.

He approached you, with one hand on Berry's head and another on your cheek, and kissed you. All the desserts in that place would have never been as sweet as that kiss. After separating from you, he gave you another smile. He looked around, looking for his family. He saw his parents waving their hands in the air, trying to get his attention.

You walked towards that table, still carrying Berry in your arms like a baby. They had reserved a couple of seats for you and, at the same time, there were another two free seats, with no sign of his siblings.

You tried to ask about it, but you couldn't. After greeting your in-laws and letting Berry rest on one of the empty chairs next to yours, you didn't have time to exchange more words. The sound of a microphone turning on interrupted all the conversations. The little girl seemed scared, you tried to calm her down by stroking her head once more.

All heads turned towards the stage, beside the tables. Above him were Felix and Minho, waving to everyone with a smile. Some of the children waved back happily.

"I would like to welcome you all and thank you for being here. As you may know, today is a very special day, as we celebrate the birthday of a great person and friend to many of us", Felix began to talk, always trying to keep his radiant smile on.

"Some of you may have already started checking out the dance floor or even dropped by the bar, but I'm sorry to say that the drinks will start moving from nine o'clock onwards", Minho said, with one of his well-known mischievous expressions on his face. Some of the guests seemed disappointed after his words, others tried to hide in their seats, visibly embarrassed.

"Before all that, our dear host has taken care of preparing a series of activities so that we can all have a good time, from children to adults. Everyone will be free to choose what to participate in and, most importantly, when to stop doing so", Felix opened the small guide he held in his hand, encouraging the others to do the same with those on the tables.

"Following our motto of freedom, most activities will be open to the general public. Once again, it should be noted that the bar will be closed to anyone under 20… No, Jisung", Minho side-eyed him as he began to look as cheerful as a puppy hearing the words "go for a walk", "you need special permission, we don't want the scene on the bar from last time to repeat". His words seemed to resonate with some of the people there, laughing after imagining said scene. Jisung, on the other hand, tried to hide behind Changbin, who was also laughing remembering that day.

"If we follow the program", Felix turned around and glanced at Minho, letting out a tone in his voice that made it clear that it was important to not deviate from the established "script." Minho didn't even flinch, simply giving him a mischievous look. "We'll be able to see that there are three moments marked in pink, those are the most important of the entire event and, as expected, it would be good if we were all present".

"There will be an adult at all times in the activities making sure that… yes?", Minho looked up from the guide, having seen out of the corner of his eye a hand rising. "What if I need to go pee during the "pink" moments?", a boy of about six years old, who was sitting on his mother's lap, spoke up. "Well… It can be an exception, that's an emergency, we can wait, yes". The boy nodded, satisfied with the answer, to continue drinking his third glass of lemonade.

Felix moved closer to Minho and whispered something to him. Minho frowned, as if he didn't understand what his friend was saying. "When? Now?", he covered the microphone with his hand, trying to prevent the rest of them from hearing the conversation. He coughed to clear his throat. "According to what I'm being told, there will be a therapeutic corner where some shelter workers will be talking about some kittens they have up for adoption, to raise awareness among the little ones… And probably myself, too".

Minho said goodbye and quickly left the stage, eager to meet those cats. "My friend is heading right now to help the people of the shelter get everything ready, please excuse him, it's his weak point". Felix picked up the guide that Minho had accidentally dropped on the floor and cleaned it. "Getting back to the program, the door to the central gardens will be open at all times. In the room to our left will be the medical service to deal with any problems that may arise. To the right, next to the painting of the albino tigers, there is a small hallway that leads to the bathrooms", he winked at the boy with the (now fourth) lemonade, aware that this information would start to be useful to him in a few minutes perhaps.

Felix tried to give a brief talk about each activity, so the guests could start making plans. After that, he made sure all possible doubts were resolved and said goodbye, officially starting the party. He hurried to accompany Minho, knowing that it was all too likely that he had already stayed there playing with the kittens, forgetting everything else.

Chan turned around, looked at his parents with a smile and then at you, "Well, what do you think?", they looked at each other, not really knowing what to answer, "Honey, did you prepare all this by yourself?", his mother asked. Seeing the young man nod proudly, his father sighed, "Christopher, this is all very well made and thought, but I'm guessing you haven't rested a single moment…"

"I'm not going to deny it. Preparing all this has been exhausting, but at the same time it gave me all the energy I needed imagining the results, that smile that I adore so much is worth it all", he patted your head to make it even more obvious that he was talking about you, "also, I couldn't help but think about it every time I tried to sleep. So far, I can only say that all of those sleepless nights had been worth it"

"Honey… When did you grow up so much?"

(…)

Time passed without you noticing, and one of the important moments (according to the guide) arrived. You had spent most of it in the kitten area, listening to the small lecture by the shelter people and talking to the children there. Not to mention the kittens themselves, of course. You would have given anything to take them with you.

While you were playing with a small, striped grey naughty boy, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You would have never paid attention to that distraction if you hadn't recognized the scent of cologne immediately.

"What are you doing, love?", your boyfriend's head peeked over your shoulder. You could feel his breath on your cheek so you decided to break the distance by leaving a quick kiss on his lips.

“You should have known I wouldn’t be leaving here all afternoon”, you said, trying to sound innocent. The cat decided it was a good time to escape from your arms, taking advantage of the fact that you weren’t looking at him and ran off to jump on one of the toys.

“My bad", Chan smiled, at least he knew you had walked through all the activity areas before staying there. The butterfly sticker on your cheek, the cat-shaped balloon, and the flower bracelet gave away that you had spent quite a bit of time in three of them, in fact. “I’m sorry to tell you it’s time to say goodbye…”, he said softly, trying not to let his words affect you.

"I REFUSE!", you crossed your arms, "it's impossible for anything to get better than this. I'm not moving from here".

Chan looked at you with a mischievous smile, convinced that all this time by your side had been enough to have some tricks up his sleeve. He made sure that no one was paying attention to you and tried to leave a kiss on your neck. The result was automatic, he could feel a shiver running down your spine.

"CHRISTOPHER BAHNG!", you let yourself fall to one side, trying to get away from him, looking at Chan with a mix of anger and embarrassment. "Oh no, the government name!", he simply laughed, watching your reaction, so funny to him.

"How dare you…?", you started to speak but a kiss interrupted you. "Y/N, my love, we have to go back, I promise you that we will visit the shelter another time, but now you have to say goodbye", he kissed you again, trying to convince you like that… You and your weak points.

(...)

As you walked back into the main room you saw that the tables had been moved. Someone had been making space so that the middle of the room was open and free, to let all the guests stand there.

“Why do I get the feeling that you've done that?”, you said, gesturing with your head at the tables. Chan followed your gaze, not entirely sure of what you were talking about since he had technically prepared everything for that day. “Oh, that. Kind of”, he let out a nervous chuckle. “I've had a little help, you would have seen that if you had decided to come around at some point”, he continued in a somewhat mocking tone. You simply rolled your eyes in response.

Felix ran past you to quickly walk backwards. “Do you think we’re all here? Minho and I are counting but we can’t get to agree”, he said, visibly nervous.

“Y/N, stay here, my parents will probably join you if they see you”, he let go of your hand and headed towards the stage, followed by his friend. They jumped up and started counting again. You could see them talking from where you were, but you couldn’t hear them. Felix was frowning. Changbin walked in carrying a little girl with chocolate stains on her face. Shortly after, a woman appeared with Seungmin.

“Youngseo!” the woman let go of Seungmin’s arm and quickly walked towards Changbin. “Where the hell have you been?!”

From what you could understand, the girl had been playing in the garden with her siblings, sneaked out to eat some of the desserts behind her grandparents' back, and tried to find the bathrooms to get rid of the evidence. Changbin had found her walking alone in another hallway, but she didn't seem scared. In fact, she had almost completely forgotten her mission and had set out to go on adventures around the hotel.

The woman, who was apparently her grandmother, had gone crazy looking for her. Seungmin had accompanied her to see the medical service while Changbin looked for his granddaughter. Her siblingss (who were older than the little girl) hadn't even noticed her absence.

Changbin took them to the bathroom so the girl could wash her face, making Felix's frustration increase. Chan watched his friend's desperation with a slight smile, there was something in Felix's gestures that he found certainly amusing. He put a hand on his shoulder and stepped away.

"Well, attention, I'd like to check that we're all present except for three people", he decided to approach the microphone, breaking his own rules. The guests began to look at each other, confused by the boy's tone.

Changbin came back, Felix put his hands on his head when he saw that he was alone. If it weren't for his friend's wink he would have started screaming. He stopped his mental count (once again) when he saw that the lady finally came in while leading her granddaughter by the hand.

He cleared his throat when Minho stood next to him, "Now that we're all here, I'd like to…", to his bad luck, the lemonade boy jumped up, previously sitting on the floor. “Wait!” he dropped the empty plastic cup and ran off towards the bathroom.

Felix looked at his friends with wide eyes, about to put into practice one of Minho’s evil deeds. Changbin started laughing from where he was, infecting other people in the process.

A few minutes later, the boy came back, walking calmly. When he noticed the glances Felix and his parents were giving him, he hurried back to join them.

Felix and Minho looked at each other and nodded in unison, as a sign that they were ready to finally get started. "Are we all here yet?", Minho asked, watching the guests carefully. Then he looked at Chan, who responded with a thumbs up. "In that case, and as we had announced, one of the most important moments of the day has arrived. We have tried to make sure beforehand that there were no problems, we apologize in advance".

"And now, let's welcome our dear flower boy", Felix added, smiling in your direction to try and send you a reassuring signal. He had been noticing all those invisible little clouds around you for quite some time, making your nerves all too obvious.

Minho walked off the stage, followed by Felix, and they left Chan waiting, swaying on his feet. His nerves were becoming more and more visible, he would have even sworn they were bigger than all those provoked during performances and concerts.

Everyone turned around when they heard the door open behind them. The speakers filled the room with Hyunjin's voice humming the melody of a song (which no one recognized at first), holding a big bouquet of roses (held between his arm and chest) while pushing a cart with his free arm, full of flowers different from those in the bouquet.

He walked through the middle of the room, in the space that everyone had left for him to pass through. He left the cart beside the stage and went up with the bouquet still in his arms. He nodded to his friend as a greeting, smiling so much that his eyes were about to close. They had a magical glow, almost as bright as the lights in the room.

Chan jumped slightly to get off the stage, took the microphone that Hyunjin handed him, and approached the flower cart. His hand wandered around the small garden, hesitant, but soon after, while picking up a yellow tulip, this was the signal needed for the music to start playing.

He handed out flowers to the guests while happily singing I'm Yours*. Each delivery seemed to have no meaning at first, but anyone who paid enough attention to the type of flower and the person in question would have realized that everything was perfectly planned in Chan's head.

There were all kinds of reactions, from blushing ladies to children grinning from ear to ear. Even Berry received a stuffed flower, made specifically for her. The little girl barked happily as a thank you, making the young man smile.

At some point (and after handing out all the other flowers), your boyfriend approached you, looking into your eyes. All that was left was the large bouquet of roses that he had apparently reserved for you. Among them were small photos (in which the two of you appeared) that he had chosen to add to the bouquet. Before giving it to you, he smiled looking down at the floor, suddenly feeling shy. Then, he placed the bouquet in your hands and kissed you, not caring about anything or anyone.

After separating from you, he looked at you again with that shy smile of his. Seeing your blushing cheeks, he gently ran his hand over one of them. For him, it was one of the most adorable things he had ever seen in his entire life. You didn't even get to say any word, you just blinked, still confused.

(...)

Minho and Felix returned to the stage. Felix proudly wore the daisy Chan had given him, adorning his golden head. Both held a set of cards they were going to use. This time, Jeongin joined them.

After approaching the standing microphone again, they lively commented on the recent delivery. Jeongin stated that he had been close to shedding a couple of tears but that the feeling had been so strong that it had stopped him from doing so on its own.

They started using the cards as a guide, chatting with the audience about different anecdotes and moments that Chan had offered them days before the event. Behind them, a large screen showed some related photos and videos. Funny, adorable memories, everything that the young man had wanted to share with the guests. Little pieces of pure love that did not fail to get reactions, from "oooh" to sincere laughter that seemed to come from the depths of a heart infected by the happiness that Chan was feeling at that moment.

After they finished, they did a quick little performance, staying silent for a few seconds and looking in various directions (which caused several people to do the same). "What's that sweet thing I smell?", Jeongin asked, "Maybe it's the side-effects of everything we just saw and heard?" Felix replied, shaking his head excitedly. Minho positioned himself between them and placed both hands on their heads, "Maybe we should investigate this incident, the culprit may appear and resolve our doubts."

Once again, the door opened, revealing a three-tiered cake, elegantly decorated with (edible) flowers and butterflies. On top of it, two candles indicated your new age. Behind the cake, pushing the cart, your friend Hannah tried to hide her meaningful red eyes behind a smile. By her side, helping his sister, was Lucas, the youngest of the siblings, who didn't seem to care in the slightest that the rivers running down his cheeks were seen by the guests.

The soft melody that filled the room was not able to muffle the boy's continuous sobs, which ended up infecting Hannah again. They did their best to leave the cake next to the food table, then went to take refuge in the arms of their parents, who pretended not to be moved by the scene. Little Berry slowly approached them to lovingly lick the leg of her two dramatic humans.

The brightness of the lights slowly began to dim, leaving only two spotlights illuminating the room. One of them was on the stage, under which your boyfriend waited patiently. Under the other one was you, shaking more than any of the pudding or jelly on the dessert table.

Chan gestured to the sound technicians, took a deep breath, and the music started playing. You could feel one piece fitting into another in your brain to form a small puzzle; the melody that both he and Hyunjin had been humming was none other than Marry You**. Despite this, you were unable to understand or process anything that was happening, your thoughts were still on the recent scene of the siblings.

(…)

The song ended, the guests clapped euphorically at the energy Chan had created on stage, trying to liven up the moment aware that some of them had previously succumbed to the emotion. He looked to his left and saw his friends crying in a corner, even Minho had dropped his "tough guy" facade.

"Oh, sorry to ruin the moment, I hope my friend H.ONE knows how to cheer this place up on the dance floor later", he let out a nervous laugh, some of the guests responded with laughter as well. Others tried to cheer him up, aware of the importance of the moment. "It's appreciated, it almost felt like I was in the middle of a concert", he laughed again.

"Let's see, well, I think I should try to find the right words, wait", some kids found the sounds he was letting out funny due to his nerves, he couldn't help but smile at this. He took a deep breath, "Uhm, okay, I think I got it". He cleared his throat and started talking.

"A long time ago, I used to be someone who was completely unable to imagine that it was possible to receive everything I tried to give to others. I've always been the type of person who did everything in my hand to make others happy, leaving myself aside. At the same time, I was not aware that other people tried to do the same for me, always insisting that I didn't need any of that. Little by little, and thanks to my family, friends and fans, I discovered that all of it was possible. I learned to accept it, because there were still moments when I wanted to reject it unconsciously. And one day, without realizing it, you came to my life, Y/N. I like to think that you came like a miracle and stayed like a dream. It would be a lie to say that I was already "cured" at that time, in fact, you appeared in a rather dark moment of my life. It's not something I usually talk about, but you began to illuminate my darkness without realizing it. There was something about that contagious smile, the way you used to say my name, those sweet eyes… that made me want to stay by your side without caring about anything or anyone. I think I didn't even ponder too much about it, I asked my members for a lot of advice, but I never doubted that this was what I really wanted to do. Fortunately, they all supported me, telling me all the time that they found me happier, freer, more comfortable with my life. I will never forget that moment, with your bright eyes and your sincere tears, after finally telling you what I felt. I would never change all these moments that we have shared together until today, for anything in the world. Opening my eyes in the morning and seeing you resting peacefully next to me is enough to draw a smile on my face and fill me with energy for the new day. Your arms are the refuge I long for every time I feel lost, while your eyes help me find myself again, being my guide to take me to that special place that only we can enter…"

He stopped in the middle of the stage, after walking around nervously, and sighed, pausing to gather his thoughts again. He smiled, not even able to look at you, but he could imagine your confused face and your red cheeks, once again. He decided to continue.

"After this long monologue of mine, I apologize, because nothing I could say would ever be enough to tell the world how much in love I am with you, my princess. As many words as there are stars in the universe are what I would need to tell you how much I love you and how happy and bright you make my life. And that is why, since without you nothing would ever be the same", he paused briefly to take a deep breath and descend towards the ground (receiving in response sounds from the guests in a sign of surprise and emotion), kneeling, he took out a small but significant box from the pocket of his jacket, to open it in your direction (with a slight but noticeable tremor in his hands and a shy smile on his lips),

"would you do me the great honor of marrying me?"

[*original version of I'm Yours / Marry You || **a different versión for each word]

♡ Official playlist: (I'd reccomend reading the scenario first)

[xxavengingangelxx]

Behind Blue Eyes 1/1

Summary: What exactly happened to Val between days 6 and 10 after she was captured? Why did she suddenly become so compliant? From Graves’s POV. Because, well because Val doesn’t remember. For the simple reason that Graves doesn’t want her to. Maybe out of kindness (because those days were rough), but maybe because generally, a brainwasher doesn’t want their target to remember being brainwashed. 

Inspired by one of my fave YouTubers, Dark5.

I thought about titling this Your beauty never really scared me, a line from one of my favorite songs, Mary on a Cross by Ghost. Just because reader is gorgeous (yes, all y'all are gorgeous!) and Graves wants her but while her beauty might have intimidated other men, of course it didn't intimidate Graves cuz he's a narcissistic used to getting what he wants ;)

Warnings: Torture (nothing graphic), brainwashing, threats of harm, general mindfuckery, etc. This is sadistic Las Almas Graves, a heartless mercenary, kk? ;)

Tags! @unicorngirly1, @c0d-lvr, @bellgraves. I had a taglist when I was posting more often but I lost it so please let me know if you'd like to be added :)

-

This is connected to my fic Long Way from Home, link to the first part below. It's a fic where Graves captures 141's translator in Mexico thinking she has valuable information. She undergoes torture enhanced interrogation techniques thanks to Graves and Shadow Company. She holds her own much better than Graves thought she would.

-

It took 6 days to finally break Val. She finally let go of information that wouldn’t have harmed anyone anyway. Those homing beacons we got from her were old, and she knew that. She refused to give them up for the simple fact that she was defiant. Shepherd’s happy she broke. But he said he’s still flying down. He said he wants her actively working for us.

He told me I have 4 days. 4 days to bring her to our side. I told him that’s impossible, that it took a lot longer than that to essentially brainwash someone. Yes, she’d broken but not willingly.

He told me I knew what to use to do just that. Brainwash her. I know what he was referring to. But no. I didn’t want to. It might kill her.

“Ten Minutes to Midnight,” Shepherd told me.

He told me to do it or he’d kill her. In front of me.

So I relented and went to a computer with some heavily encrypted files. The kind of computer that had a case designed to live through nuclear war and electromagnetic pulse attacks. I pulled up something I learned from the CIA in my dealings with them.

The file titled 10 Minutes to Midnight: The Brainwasher’s Handbook.

The below might sound brutal but just remember I did it to save her life.

-

Val had no idea where she was. The last 24 hours had been a blur and her life had been turned upside down. Everything had changed…everything. Well, her life had changed since Las Almas, I’m certain. Pretty sure she’s never been held captive before.

She’d broken. And that’s what mattered. She was still sedated, somewhat. I couldn’t tell if she was passed out due to exhaustion or if she was still drugged. Maybe both.

But I only had 4 days so we had to fast track this.

She was dead weight when I picked her up. She was definitely lighter than the last time. She was clearly choosing not to interact with me (full on scowled at me before I picked her up and it was hard not to smack her) so when I got back to my barracks I sat her up on my bed, against the wall.

I told her, “We’re not done yet.” And the terrified look in her darker eyes told me that this just might work. Poor thing was still so tired and weak.

We had to be careful here because we didn’t exactly want to erase her entire identity. We needed Val to keep her identity. But she just had to want to work for us. She had to be more violent. Just not towards us like had been for the last 6 days. Seriously, it was getting annoying and exhausting having to be on edge in case she took a swing at me anytime I was within arm’s reach of her. She knew it would result in her getting her ass beat but she seemed to think it was worth it, saying she liked seeing me bleed (she scratched a lot, too).

I tried, really tried to do things the easy way.

I asked told her to come work with me.

And, well, she said fuck you. So disrespectful.

I walked away. Because I wanted to fucking hit her, push her into the wall. But there was a better way to start things. She wanted water and who was I to tell a lady no? I just added a benzo to it. She was out like a light. It was comforting, just watching her sleep, listening to her breathe.

I moved her to what we call one of our soft interrogation rooms. It wasn’t a cell, it wasn’t a concrete cube like she’d been locked in before, but it certainly wasn’t comforting. Just your basics, nothing else: somewhere somewhat comfortable to sleep and less harsh lighting than the rooms (yes, rooms as in multiple because we’ve been moving her to base after base every day) she’d been in before. With one main difference: have you heard of white torture? Everything in that room was white, everything she was allowed to wear was white. It was a form of sensory deprivation that made people easier to brainwash. I made it clear to my men: Val doesn’t leave this room. This is the only room we’d convince her to work for us in. And after she came around, she was never to see this room again.

Because it might trigger memories of how she used to be.

Anyway.

Brainwashing is easy. And it’s not like I have to spend 24/7 with the target. A few of my men were trained in CIA techniques so they knew where to pick up when I needed a break. Val would be worked on 24/7.

Step 1: Assault on identity          

Telling the target they’re not the person they think they are. I told Val she wasn’t who she thought she was. She thought she was an inseparable part of 141. She saw Price as a father figure and the other boys as older brothers. Well, except for Johnny for the simple fact that she used to fuck him. I’d make sure he stayed extra far away from her. He might be a potential trigger for her.

No, you’re not a part of 141. No, you hadn’t known them for years. No, you could not trust them with your life. They’ll kill you if the catch you. Or help lock you up in a military prison the rest of your life. No, they’re not going to forgive you for betraying them, even if you told them it was under torture.

She put up one hell of a fight against this and it was certainly admirable. She even attempted to escape two hours into the ordeal when one of my boys opened the door to that room. But if the first step doesn’t get accomplished, the nine other steps won’t either. So every time she would deny my statements, I would hurt her. Nothing too bad, of course. I couldn’t leave too many new injuries on her. Just stress positions, pressure points, and keeping her awake. I feel like she’d had enough physical abuse coercion.

After 12 hours of repeated verbalizations and some pain she became noticeably less cocky and sure of herself. Hour 14, she sounded confused for lack of a better term. Granted, she had been kept awake for more than 14 hours but she appeared really confused. I asked her to confirm her identity and she seemed even more confused. She whispered her name, but it sounded as if she was asking a question. But I could tell she was doing it only because she was scared. She wasn’t turned yet but this is only the first step so of course she wasn’t.

Her beliefs and her identity were weakened. Not broken yet but weakened. And so I moved onto the next step.

Step 2: Guilt

This step is generally more violent. It has to be. This is where you convince your target they’re the scum of the earth…a horrible person. I told her that 141 were war criminals and that she had helped them. I had to do this step in full uniform to add to the effect. She always showed more fear when I showed up in uniform. I was the only thing with color in that room so she was dead focused on me. She was desperate to look at anything that wasn’t snow white, even if it was her tormentor me.

Yes, Val, you’d helped war criminals. And you resisted my men and I, who were not anything close to war criminals. That we only killed when we had to. And that we certainly didn’t take advantage of females in our group like Soap had done her.

Predictably, she got violent.

So, unfortunately we had no choice but to respond in kind. Of course, no serious injuries. But she felt pain nonetheless. The more hours that ticked by, however, the more exhausted she became and the less she fought. She wasn’t even trying to cover her ears and scream over us to go the fuck away or to shut the fuck up anymore after about another 12 hours. She stopped just screaming into the dark void of her room. She just listened.

But one thing that she would not stop reacting violently to (as in swinging, scratching, kicking, biting, you name it) was the suggestion that the Scot of 141 had taken advantage of her. That was fine, we could drop one or two items off our list. So we left that one alone.

She still hadn’t slept by the way.

Step 3: Self-Betrayal

I told her to admit that she was bad. I told her over and over amid physical okay and sexual threats. Although she, as always, resisted, under the threat of breaking her arm, she agreed in a desperate tone of voice. Because I promised her she didn’t want to have a serious injury on-base, that it would lead to misery. She agreed that she was a bad person because of her job and the people she worked for.

I forced her to admit that her parents were bad people, clearly, and maybe that had been passed onto her. Genetics and all that shit, right? She admitted, on demand, that she was a bad person.

And after she did that, I let her sleep. Only for a few hours. Just long enough to where she slept deeply enough to where a simple ultrasonic wave caused a concussion without leaving marks or making her any the wiser. But weaking her to the next part.

Step 4: Breaking Point

Psychic driving: Strap a someone (preferably concussed) down, give them paralytic drugs and make them listen to a repeated statement hundreds if not thousands of times. Then, you just break them down with something called depatterning which uses drugs, electric shocks and sensory deprivation. The result? It destroys your target’s personality. Then you get to replace the personality with whatever you want.

The only issue we ran into is that we couldn’t quite erase her entire personality or identity. We still needed Val to be Val. Just anti-141 Val. Maybe a version of Val that was a little more trigger happy. A version of Val where maybe, just maybe, she’d kill for us. The CIA would do that shit to people for days, sometimes weeks, we just did it for 36 hours.

And after about 36 hours of that shit, she was almost totally different. After she had been unstrapped, she seemed numb. She gave me this look, this broken, shocked look and then she just broke down. She started screaming and crying about how she didn’t know where the hell she was, who she was, what she stood for. She actually begged me to tell her who she was. Later that night she was convinced she was back in Las Almas. She got psychotic. She wasn’t there. She had fallen off the brink and it was time to pull her back.

Step 5: Leniency

This is kind of like the Stockholm syndrome building stage. She heard me come into her room and she instantly backed up, retreating against the wall, eyes focused on the floor. So I soothed her, promised I wouldn’t hurt her. I mentioned that because she was making progress in trying to make up for all the bad she had done and that I wouldn’t hurt her. I asked her if she wanted something, anything to eat. She told me she wanted a burger and fries. Simple enough. So I got them for her. It was the first time she’d something other than white rice in days.

But I made sure she knew that the only reason I was doing this was because she was making an active effort to make up for all the bad she had done beforehand. I started showing up in civilian clothes. She agreed to make an effort to right the wrongs she had done in the past. Later that night, She got to sleep in a warm room, a normal room for the first time (i.e. not a white torture room). She got to sleep in a warm bed all because, I kept telling her, she was changing herself for the better.

While it may not seem like much, after days of torture and interrogation followed by now days of brainwashing techniques, these small acts of kindness make her think I saved her life and that she owes me. She even said she felt obliged to me and so clearly there was increased trauma bonding.

Step 6: Compulsion to Confession

Next I told her that she could do something for me after everything I had done for her. I told her she could help herself feel better, too. How? By confessing that her past life had been a mistake full of bad deeds. I told her she could confess to me. And while she resisted at first, a little prodding eventually convinced her.

She confessed that her whole life she had lived a lie, that she had been brainwashed by the military to believe she was doing good, but that in reality, she had done horrible things. Her job had turned her into a horrible person. She confessed all of this.

And the best part? She thanked me.

Step 7: Channeling of guilt

Val started this stage on her own.

“I feel bad,” when I asked her why, she gave me this perfect answer about how she had done bad things with her life. She didn’t know how to fix things, she told me. How could she fix things, she wondered, if she had been doing them for such a long time?

She couldn’t have said it in a better, more perfect way. When I asked for the specifics of what she had done wrong, she had no idea. It’s not uncommon for subjects to be confused as to the specifics of what they’ve done wrong. So I told her that her previous identity and belief system were the source of her agony. What she had believed in were the cause of her pain. And I told her that if she wanted to alleviate her guilt, that she would reverse her identity and her beliefs. She could still be saved, I promised her. I told her she wasn’t a bad person but that her beliefs were bad. Easily fixable, I promised her.

While I didn’t take into account how many hours each stage took, the stages lasted shorter and shorter.

Step 8: Releasing of Guilt

This step involved convincing Val that it wasn’t she that was bad but that her previous beliefs were. She smiled for the first time in days and asked if this meant that she could fix what her past beliefs had made her do. I promised her that’s exactly what it meant. All she needed to do was denounce the people she had worked for and denounce that belief system.

To test her, I handed her her dog tags (we’d taken them from her to prevent a third suicide attempt). She wanted to melt them down because she said it reminded her of her 141 days.

I told her not quite because we might have to work with them again in the future.

This was when she realized that she wasn’t a bad person but that her previous beliefs had made her bad. And that she could make up for it by working with us and for us.

Step 9: Progress and Harmony

The path to ‘good’ was helping my cause, I told her. If she really wanted to make up for the things her past beliefs and dedications had caused her to do, she would follow the instructions I gave her. She agreed and this is where generally, the abuse use of force stops. I don’t need to hurt her anymore because she’s agreeing. She’s so far gone that abuse is unnecessary and might work against me. I gave her the illusion of choice (when in reality I’m not giving her a choice) in that she can choose between going back to her bad, evil ways or that she could choose a better path. I reminded her that her old ways had burdened her with so much guilt that they had led to a mental breakdown.

Remember that breakdown you had a few days ago? I had asked her. She nodded. I told her that her guilt had been so overwhelming that she had broken down and I had saved her. In order to prevent another breakdown, she would choose my way. Needless to say, she made the right choice.

Step 10: Final confession and rebirth

Who are you? Still Val, just a better person (she’d actually forgotten her first name as a result of this and maybe the almost week of torture we dealt her before). She said she was more than willing to work with me.

To make sure, I told her I needed to try something.

Downers and Uppers is what the CIA called it back when they did it.

My medic 10-4 and I got ahold of amphetamines and benzodiazepines. He set up an IV of each on each arm.

I watched as he drugged her with the ‘downer’ until she was almost asleep. Then he injected her with the ‘upper’ which jolted her awake and sent her heart rate skyrocketing.

Round and around it went, up and down. And holy shit did she reveal more information about 141. Some theories of downers and uppers that suggestions made during this interrogation technique seem to…for lack of a better word…stick.

She couldn’t lie during this hellish cycle. Literally could not. When I asked her if she’d work with me, without hesitation, she said yes.

And that’s when I knew we were done.

Well, almost done. The only thing left was to use ultrasound to re-concuss her and erase or bury the memories of the past 4 days deep.

Then I carried her back to my room. 10-4 said she should be able to sleep it off.

-

I told Shepherd it’s done. With a few hours to spare. I got her changed into more comfortable clothes I’d kept with me from one of prior nightly liaisons.

So then I picked her up again, led her back to that cold, sterile, cell. She’d wake up here and remember being tortured but she wouldn’t remember us coaxing her to our side.

She continued sleeping it off until I decided to really test the waters. I knew that because we did a shortened version of Ten Minutes to Midnight (its supposed to take weeks, ideally), there were going to be some kinks.

And that was confirmed when she watched me step into that cell.

“What do you want?” she whispered. At least she wasn’t charging at me or yelling at me.

“How long have you been here?” I asked her.

“I don’t know. You’re using all kinds of sensory deprivation.”

“10 days,”

And she snapped up at that. “No way,” she claimed.

So I pointed out how far along her injuries were healed. “Surprised you don’t remember screaming when we stitched ya up seeing as we didn’t use anesthesia.”

“Val, you were gone,” I paused before adding, “You don’t remember ripping that IV outta your arm and saying you wanted to die?”

She shook her head.

“You’re lying,” she said. She then pulled up her sleeves and saw the numerous IV track marks and the slices into her skin from her suicide attempts (One from a piece of glass, like seriously? And the other from ripping that IV out of her arm).

“You’re lying!” She yelled. And then she shoved me. For a second there I thought I was gonna have to drag her back to the drawing board. So I issued one warning: “Next time you put your hands on me I’m gonna break your arm,” and where before she would have dared me to, swung at me, scratched me, she complied.

I stepped closer towards her and she muttered I not get any closer. “When did you get here?” I asked again. I tossed her my watch. The look on her horrified face almost made me feel sorry for her.

“Havin’ a rough night?” I easily took my watch out of her trembling hands. “Tell you what. Come hang out with me tonight.”

She gave me this scared look. So I promised that as long as she wasn’t violent, I wouldn’t be either. She was also apparently terrified of my boys so I promised they wouldn’t lay a hand on her either.

She full on flinched when she heard me lock the door to my room. So I told her to relax, that we weren’t doing anything she wasn’t comfortable with. She was so confused. She had no idea she’d broken and she had no idea she’d been brainwashed.

So I wasn’t totally taken off guard when she walked up to me and kissed me. And I sure as hell found out that night that she was definitely on our side.

The clock just ticked one minute closer to midnight for you, 141.

-

Learn more! This fic was also inspired by a video from one of my favorite YouTubers, Dark5.