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letters-from-eros · 4 years ago

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I know you don't have rules for that already but can I ask for relationship hc's for Chuuya and Dazai with a fem or gender neutral s/o?😳❤

A/N: Am I foaming from the mouth for my first BSD request? Maybe. I hope this is good though. I added in a short part on how they asked you out cause I wanted this to be different and unique from most dating HCs.

Pairing(s): Dazai Osamu, Chuuya Nakahara x GN!Reader

Warnings: Slight mention of suicide in Dazai's, cursing

Form: Headcanon

Also: These ran super duper long I'm so sorry

You managed to cuff the suicidal maniac, huh?

Well done, my friend, well done

It took him so long to ask you out, and even when he did it wasn't planned. In all honesty, he never planned to tell you about his feelings. The excruciating part for him is that he did fall pretty fast, and realized he was falling even faster.

He didn't deny them, that wouldn't make it go away. He knew that. He sat and let it festered, hoping it would just disappear at some point.

Had the mindset of anything he loved he'd lose, y'know? Sad but so.

The way I'd imagine it happening is that you both are either working late at the ADA (with just the two of you there) or just at his place hanging out into all hours of the night.

Both of you are laughing at some dumb joke Dazai made and as the laughter dies out he feels.. Bittersweet. You make him feel genuinely happy, like there's no need to put on any mask or facade. That was not a feeling he had with anyone else.

Once silence fully overtakes you both it slips out of his mouth, purely on accident.

"I love you"

"More than suicide?"

"Y/n I'm serious!"

From that night forward you had the pleasure of being the partner of Dazai Osamu, with his feelings being released in an extremely cliche coming-of-age-movie way.

Okay, onto actually dating Dazai

Still goofy as all hell. Honestly the only thing that has really changed is the he lets you in a lot less hesitantly on small things. Its easier to put cracks in his walls, per se

Unbothered by PDA and will probably make out with you in public and not see why that isn't a thing that should be done or why you wouldn't like it.

(Just tell him if you don't, he'll get over it eventually)

Will kiss you everywhere, doesn't exactly have a favorite place, but where he does end up kissing you the most is your forehead for convenience. He'll kiss your wrist if he's holding your hand, too.

Clingy as all hell, always wants to be touching you in some way and becomes the biggest dramatic bitch when he can't be around you.

Kunikida will actually punt him if he says he'll die if he's away from you for another second. For the tenth time

No more suicide attempts once you two are dating, and doesn't ask for a double suicide with you because he knows it'll upset you quite a bit

He flirts with you like he's trying to get you to date him lmao he will never ease up, especially if it gets you bashful.

Dazai would NOT be dating you if he did not trust you a whole lot, so thats something that is pretty vital to the relationship.

That being said, please be understanding of the pieces of Dazai he keeps locked away to never see the light of day again and trust him just as much as he trust you. Its important especially if you don't want the relationship to be one-sided

Also with the high amount of trust he places in you, he doesn't get jealous easily. I mean he may get pissy that you're not giving him any attention but jealous is never the right word to use

Mf finally washes his fucking clothes once he starts dating you. Doesn't smell like the bottom of the ocean on a regular basis anymore.

Dates are always chill and rarely super extravagant. Park dates are often but Dazai's truly preferred date is snuggling inside, watching a few movies and slipping in and out of naps.

Belladonna is his go-to petname for you, of course, but he may bounce around with other petnames for kicks.

He will start calling you weird shit if you ignore him for to long.

Never raises his voice at you unless its in some joking manner. On the rare occurrence that you two have an argument he would need to get extremely riled up before he resorts to raising his voice. He tries to have patience and usually succeeds.

Dazai gets SO soft and SO loving sometimes, and it can be out of no where or something minuscule could have sparked it. All I know is that its nice and cute 🥰

He's usually pretty vulnerable himself when he gets like that so match his energy, alright? If you don't he might end up a little sour for some short amount of time and be more hesitant to get like that

10/10 Lover. This is by no means an effortless relationship, its a constant battle of figuring out boundaries, running into walls and respecting them. Dating Dazai isn't toxic if you treat him right and when you do? It definitely pays off.

(This got so long. I've had so much pent-up Dazai love and all around BSD love and I finally had an outlet to completely let it out)

HUSBAND. THE LOML

Okay, sorry. But this man is the love of my life, and he will be yours as well.

Took him a while to really figure out his feelings for you, or to better put it, it took him a while to label the feeling he had towards you "love"

But ONCE HE DID mans was practically whipped before you officially started dating omg.

You could notice the shift in attitude when he figured out his feelings. He got nervous, went stiff and blushy all against his will. Maybe a tad bit more snappy.

He'd try to keep his cool and then just eat shit and become a babbling angry mess.

After every encounter and interaction with you he'd end up overthinking all of it and when he catches himself doing that he gets so upset with himself. It's really when he realized that he won't be able to keep his feelings a secret forever.

Definitely started avoiding you when planning on the 🌈perfect🌈 way to ask you out and blamed work if you asked him why he was avoiding you.

Anyway, the way he asks you out was almost as calculated as a proposal.

He asks you to meet him at the port and dress comfortably towards the end of the day

When you get there, Chuuya has a nice place set up for you both. A blanket and a bottle of expensive wine because we all know he's lowkey an alcoholic along with a very nice view of the ocean/port.

Chuuya made sure it didn't radiate too much romantic energy to give his plans away; also, he wasn't that nervous. Once he gets truly determined to do something, he doesn't let something like anxiety get in the way of it. The idea of being rejected was essentially an afterthough

Made an effort to make sure he didn't drink too much and neither did you. He didn't want to take advantage of the possibility of you being drunk by the time he asks you out and he knows he himself has a low tolerance

Once the sun began to set is when he asks. Stutters a little bit towards the beginning but smooths it out.

"Y/n, I uh.. I brought you to tell you that I love you."

"Have you drank too much already, Chuuya?"

"No! I'm completely sober!"

It was overall super cute and unforgettable, just as he planned.

Honestly, being in a relationship with this boy is just 🥰

Spoils you so much. You'll deadass be dripped out head to toe purely in stuff Chuuya has bought you.

Dw, he has an alright sense of fashion

Don't try to discourage him, that'll only get him to buy more stuff.

Chuuya's short and the concept of a size difference doesn't bother him at all, he'll find a way to kiss you regardless lol

On the topic of kissing, his favorite places are your lips and hands

He takes of his gloves whenever he's with you and let me tell you his hands are the softest things ever. Albeit his knuckles are a little calloused sometimes.

If you're anything like me, you'd want his soft hands on you 24/7 and y'know what? Chu would happily oblige.

He isn't like the biggest fan of PDA but certainly isn't against it. He'd rather keep things behind doors as much as he can. Holding hands and small kisses on the cheek are very fine by him.

He isn't like the biggest jealous type? He doesn't become overly irate or anything but certainly doesn't take any pleasure in watching you talk to other guys.

Chuuya does have some form of self restraint when it comes to that. Him getting a lil jealous is one of the only things that'll have him completely make-out with you in public or smth

Chuuya is very snuggly and touchy behind closed doors. He practically becomes Dazai but a lot less goofy

Oh yeah he definitely rants about how much he fucking hates Dazai now n again

Isn't huge on petnames but definitely calls you them every now and again.

Princess, babe and baby are his top few.

Chuuya definitely has a morning voice where it drops 2 octaves and its just 🥰

Never yells at you, its pretty shocking. The only times he's ever raised his voice with you is when its very obvious that he's not genuinely upset with you. Almost for comedic affect because it is angry short boy Chuuya

One may think arguments are often with Chuuya, but they're sort of not. He may be a pretty stubborn individual but he never argues to argue unless its Dazai-

He always works towards and agreement to end the argument as soon as possible. He keeps his cool and will never raise his voice. You can barely call them arguments because of how much he tries to keep his cool.

When he's stressed or had a bad day he gets extremely quiet because he doesn't even want the opportunity to open his mouth and take it out on you. The only words he'll say to you while he's in that state is that he's stress and you didn't do anything wrong just to make sure you're not worried over it.

All and all? Chuuya is the best and there's no way around it. He has his faults but always tries to improve and be his best self for you :)

(I had even more pent-up love for Chuuya and it got even longer, whoops-)

#bungou stray dogs x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai headcanons #chuuya headcanons #gn!reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bsd headcanons #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs headcanons #bungou stray dogs headcanons #hopefully thats enough tags. i hope you enjoyed my bsd debut

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percyjacksonfan3 · 3 years ago

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The Last Olympian Thoughts

So because I have absolutely 0 self-control or restraint when it comes to this series and its characters, and for The Last Olympian in particular, I could not put TLO down. Because of this I figured I couldn’t do the usual photo reaction posts I have been so far, because the spam would just be ridiculous, so I am stealing the idea from @yourstrulytaaay to do a masterpost instead. (Adding a Read More cause this got ridiculously long)

Fun fact, TLO came out right after i finished reading the series for the first time so it's the first PJO book i bought and my only hard cover one for the og series. I checked the year and turns out it was published 2009, which means i was actually 9 when i read the series for the first time. I realize this is not really a fun fact but i thought i was older when I first read the series so it's blowing my mind a little ‘cause now I’m 21 and everything hits different and i still have so much love for this series and the characters Okay onto book thoughts: - i was right that this book is gonna destroy me, the first line alone made me so excited and nostalgic it's ridiculous - I love Rachel and Percy sm tbh. Her being a bit of peace and normalcy in his life without always reminding Percy of who and what he is is so good for him. Just a little escape

- of course by the end of the book that's not the case any more but by the end he's lived his prophecy so he doesn't need it as badly, plus he and Annabeth are solid again - Percy saying Annabeth has been hard to be around lately... Ouch my heart. Luke really is the last thing that keeps them from being together and Percy is so jealous and Annabeth so torn and in pain, i feel so bad for them both

- Beckendorf 🥺🥺 - the telkhine with the Lil Demon lunchbox!! I forgot about him. Percy: 'i left him alive, partly because his lunchbox was cool' is one of my absolute favourite lines tbh - Paul taking Percy crabbing and being imperative in helping Percy kill the giant crab 💖 Paul Blofis is important and deserves the world, okay? - aw Percy, you can't save every demigod bb

- 'i had to fight him eventually. Why not now?... What difference would a week make?' Oh Percy you have no idea - real talk tho, the fact Kronos possessed Luke's body would also mess me tf up. Percy keeps forgetting it's not Luke anymore and yeah, that would be so so hard and confusing af, like what another smart little mind game for Kronos to pull on top of everything else - the fact Percy fights Kronos before getting the Achilles Curse and actually doesn't die within seconds is... Astounding. He kicks him in the chest! And yeah Kronos is weaker and still adjusting to Luke's body, but Percy is having trouble fighting Luke cause they used to be friends - Percy breaks Kronos' time magic!! Like?! Boy is POWERFUL.

- OUCH - honestly Luke, Thalia and Annabeth's family breaking the way it did... Don't talk to me. Poor Annabeth, Luke betrayed them, Thalia joined the Hunters because of Luke's betrayal so she's pretty much AWOL all the time and then Luke dies. Like Rick wtf, my heart can't take it? -Percy and Tyson having each others backs when talking to Poseidon in the underwater palace is the brother-brother relationship we love to see - Percy trying to stick a sand dollar in the vending machines at school 🤦🏻‍♀🤦🏻‍♀ - the whole underwater interaction at Poseidon's palace? Perfection. Awkward family drama and all - Connor falling out of the tree when he sees Percy because he's so excited 😂😂

- 😭💖

- k, ik Clarisse isn't perfect but tbh if i was a child of Ares whose father was disrespected and hated by my fellow campers (ares deserves it but still) and that disrespect trickled down to how the other campers treated ME (which if Percy is reliable here, it obviously does) then i would also be irritated at being used for muscle and nothing else? And just expected to fight with the people who act as if they'd rather not have Ares kids around the rest of the time. Like Clarisse isn't totally wrong - Percy reading the prophecy, seeing he's meant to die and just being like 'i do not see it' and refusing to outright think about it makes me so sad for him - (but it taints every action after and he's super reckless afterwards bc of it- including finally breaking and accepting the Achilles Curse) - (also him taking this as the last straw and finally beginning to show Annabeth how he really feels, cause fuck it, he's dying anyway) - Give me more info about Rachel's backstory and family Rick!! - how did i forget Percy willingly eats chocolates that taste like cardboard because 'i didnt have anything against cardboard' like sir? Ik Silena didn't want them but still? - 'she'd always been cute, but she was starting to be seriously beautiful' STOP, MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT - Percy staring at Annabeth and forgetting what they're talking about cause hes so distracted 👌🏻

- hmm yeah... For some strange reason.... - i forgot how Percy totally bombs this convo bw them and now want to cry 😭 Annabeth is trying to talk about what's important and Percy, you sweet oblivious man, you're shooting her down without even realizing - love that they're both on the same wavelength tho. Percy two lines before, hmm it's cool to date ppl from other cabins, wonder why im thinking that around Annabeth, my best friend in the world, and then Annabeth a beat later, hmm, let me bring up Silena and Beckendorf and how it's important to be with the people you love when you have the chance, no way Percy will miss this huge hint right? - they're the best - k i honestly forgot Percy full on physically intimidates Leneus like that - luke telling his mom if he ran away the monsters wouldnt get her..i can just imagine luke crying when he says good bye before running away because he thinks it's his fault his mom is like that and he cant take care of and protect her anymore because it's too hard - uh oh now i have angsty pre-lightning thief luke fic inspo... Him, Thalia and Annabeth on the run... The ANGST - Rick holds absolutely nothing back in this book and i am in pain - HESTIA!! 💖💖🥰 - actual loml - i love that Rick titled this book after her and that he wrote such a great series about the importance of family (biological, found or otherwise) and home, and that he said actually Hestia is the most important bc shes the most humble and keeps the peace and knows when to fight and when to yield and you protect what you love, which is your home - i just... Adore Hestia - Grover! Missed you babes - Hades is so so horrible to Nico, always comparing him to Bianca :/ - but i do love Hades, Persephone and Demeter together they make me laugh - oh god the River Styx - Achilles 🥺 - Annabeth being Percy's lifeline is, and continues to be, A Lot™ - 'my name was Percy Jackson. I reached up and took Annabeth's hand.' LOL Why am i crying? - Like the fact there is no Percy without Annabeth, and that remembering her literally reminded him of who he is in his very soul... It's fine im fine - i won't even get into the parallels of her being his lifeline now and then later when Hera takes his memories but leaves the memory of Annabeth for Percy to fight to get back to (anyone who wants to yell about it with me... Feel free to message) - badass Percy is my fav Percy tbh - him defeating Hades?? Like? Hades is arguably the most powerful god, okay - i feel bad for Nico but if i was Percy I'd do the exact same, Nico, sorry man but this is a high stakes time crunch deal and Nico is literally the only hope of persuading Hades and distracted by his own internal stuff - flashbacks to Luke, Thalia and Annabeth hurt, ow - George and Martha are the best - damn i forgot Hermes full on nearly kills Percy here, yikes - Luke stop cockblocking Percabeth challenge

- i love!! Percy's love for New York!! So much!! - Percy leaving to live in New Rome in HoO is a lie and this is all the proof i need for why - the fact the entire last half of the book is the battle and aftermath... Such great buildup and pacing. All the tricks and twists and battles in this War of Manhattan? I would not take out a thing, Rick, you legend - of course then the final battle in hoo with the gods is what? Two pages? Ugh, don’t talk to me about my hatred for BoO and HoO - 'no detours you two' is still the cutest thing!!! - THE HUNTERS!! Thalia i missed you - good job Percy, you finally spent your sand dollar - Minotaur!! - 'dont i get a kiss for luck? Its kind of a tradition right?' Percy finds out he's gonna die and is out of fucks to give and honestly I support him - also Michael just standing beside these two while they're flirting like umm 👀 👀 while a monster army marches towards them, nbd - Annabeth taking Ethan's knife meant for Percy!!! Cause she just knows his weak spot without him even telling her! They literally invented love - Feral Percy is so scary omg, i love how well Rick incorporates the Achilles Curse in this novel, with the whole heightened weaknesses and stuff ans the parallels to Achilles arrogance being what killed him and Percy's loyalty, fierceness and protective instinct being his own heightened weakness - the fact that Percy is the one who inadvertantly kills Michael Yew tho, I'll never recover from that - the fact Hades offers Maria di Angelo a golden palace by the Styx like how Poseidon offers Sally a palace under the sea tho. Let's talk about that parallel - the entire talk with Prometheus is so so good - not me picturing young Luke hiding in the closet to get away from his mom when she has an 'episode' -i love callbacks in stories and all of the callbacks to the rest of the series in this book make me very happy (medusa, minotaur, the underworld, Rainbow!! My baby!!, Daedalus and more) - Percy summoning a wholeass hurricane against Hyperion - the Party Ponies! They're so chaotic, i love it - Dionysus! 😁 I can't help it, i love him - Percy absolutely losing it when he sees Sally and Paul asleep in the car 🥺 - Rachel telling Percy he's not the hero screws with him so much :( poor bb - although i really really love how Rick wrote this, it's so refreshing to not have one chosen one save the world, but a combination of people - the drakon, Silena and Clarisse make me cry - the Patrochilles references, im not okay - Annabeth giving up on Luke after hearing what he did to Silena and Percy telling her that doesn't make him happy 😭 that whole interaction makes my heart ache - Percy giving Hestia Pandora's pithos 🥺 - and Hades, Nico and the others coming for a final attack is so badass, i love it - listen im glad the og trio were the ones to confront Luke on Olympus but the fact Thalia got so close and then pinned by a statue of HERA makes me so sad. Ik her and Luke were finished and she coped by cutting him off completely and giving up all hope but i would pay money to know what they would have said to each other to say goodbye - Ethan 🥺 - Poseidon joining the fight against Typhon is so cool, such a great scene - 'PEANUT BUTTER!' - Annabeth you brilliant badass you - RIP Luke, you werent great but you werent the worst either - the gods just rolling up seconds too late, wondering wtf happened in Olympus and who the dead body is - the chapter where the Olympians meet and give out rewards is one of my absolute favourites (again i am incensed we didn't get anything like this in HoO) - will Percy turning down immortality ever not make me scream in glee? No? Alright then - Annabeth being relieved like Percy was relieved at the end of Titan's Curse tho - oh Hermes :/ - its so hard reading all this and knowing what comes in HoO... Like it's such a cathartic, earned and mostly happy and peaceful ending and then HoO comes along and undermines it all - aww Rick let Paul see Olympus somehow pls, he deserves it, he killed a dracanae - (i would also love to see it) - Percy being more upset Rachel took his pegasus than her going to Camp and possibly dying, lol, priorities dude - i honestly think that Rick had other ideas for the second Great Prophecy and how things would go down in BoO, cause the prophecy like... Barely applies to BoO, Doors of Death are in book four, and explabations of it is all so unclear when Rick is usually pretty good with that stuff - PERCABETH - lol Percy complaining about privacy when he and Annabeth are caught kissing literally in the middle of the very open and public dining pavilion, okay - BEST UNDERWATER KISS OF ALL TIME - that's it and im a glass case of emotion - very happy to say that this series remains my favourite of all time 💖

If anyone ever wants to come gush about anything Riordanverse related feel free, because as you can see I have a lot of thoughts about it all

#lau rereads pjo #the last olympian is my favourite book for a REASON #honestly every line is killer #so much subtext to read into #the dialogue #the relationships are dialed up to 11 #every character is so on point #the battle strategies too? are just so interesting?#I just adore it #Tay don't read any of this yet cause it's all spoilers #alright I'm gonna go write fic to express these feelings now #tlo #the last olympian #pjo #pjato #percy jackson

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caramelcal · 4 years ago

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The Roof

Synopsis: Y/N is a friend of Allison’s and after Allison died, the house she originally lived in is put up for sale. It’s been like that for a while until a new neighbor moves in; Theo Raeken. Ship: Theo Raeken x Reader Words: 1.5k Notes: A lot of mentions of Allison’s death! Little angsty but idk lol

You hated it. Looking out of the window each morning, the sun blaring through the curtains and seeing the post in the yard beside you. The ‘for sale’ sign in the house your best friend used to live in. It was like a kick in the gut, a constant reminder that she was gone. Allison was gone.

It took every single piece of your self restraint not to tear your room apart when you woke up to see a big red ‘SOLD’ sign plastered over the post. Someone was moving into her house. Someone would be sleeping in Allison’s old bedroom, every last trace of Allison would be gone.

Maybe it was for the best, the constant reminder of your best friend’s death wasn’t something you wanted to wake up to. Maybe this would be okay. You kept trying to convince yourself but you didn’t know if you would ever get over it.

You had started to get better, you were sleeping better and the nightmares weren’t every night. You didn’t cry yourself to sleep as often but as soon as that sold sign came up you couldn’t stop the floodgates from opening back up. There was a new crushing weight on your chest, like a thousand bricks or like a building was on top of you and you didn’t know how to help yourself.

Your parents had told you the date that they were moving in and if you could muster up the strength, go over and greet them, welcome them to Beacon Hills. You decided to avoid the house the whole day, not even going back home and instead, opting to stay at Lydia’s. It was the night of the Senior Scribe so your parents didn’t mind much.

You hadn’t just avoided them that night, you had shut your blinds, refusing to open them and see their house. Most people would call you dramatic, tell you to get over it but it just hurt so much. Like a constant ache, like you were missing a limb. That’s what life without Allison was like.

It had been a week and a half without even looking at the house when you opened your window, climbing out and jumping over to a tree, climbing onto Allison’s roof. It was something you had always done when Allison was still alive and living there. You had spent so much time talking on the roof.

You sat down on the roof, knowing that your new neighbors would be oblivious to your presence as tears glistened in your eyes. You held the arrow in your hand as if it was the most delicate thing; like a feather. It was Allison’s, one of the ones she had molded.

“God Ally, why did you have to go...” You whispered painfully, staring down at the arrow, your eyes glistening with tears making your vision blurry, “Life isn’t the same without you...I need you.”

You heard a window open and you ducked down so your head couldn’t be seen; hidden behind the peak of the roof. Your breath caught in your throat and you tried your best to hold in your sobs, them eventually calming down until the tears were no longer accompanied by any noise.

When you thought you were in the clear, you sat back up begrudgingly, wiping your eyes free of tears when you heard a voice behind you, “Ah I thought someone was up here.”

You tensed up, not turning around to face the familiar voice that you are yet to recognize as your cheeks tinted in embarrassment. You seen someone from the corner of your eye sitting down beside you, their legs stretching out on the roof and you seen the familiar dirty converse that a specific ‘werewolf’ as you had been told, loved.

“Theo?”

“The one and only.” He replied back simply and you could feel his stare on you as he cleared his throat, “No offence but uh, why are you on my roof?”

You stayed silent for a moment before gulping and standing up, “I can leave it’s alright-”

“No it’s alright, I’m just wondering,” Theo said as he grabbed your hand, his blue meeting your e/c eyes, “what’s wrong though? Why are you sad? Have you been crying?”

You wiped at your puffy eyes as you reluctantly sat back down, not even noticing that Theo didn’t let go of your wrist as he looked at you. You avoided eye contact with him as you spoke shakily, “I’m fine.”

“Even if I couldn’t hear your heart racing when you said that and I couldn’t smell you’re chemo-signals telling me you aren’t ‘fine’ everyone knows when a girl says they’re fine they aren’t.” Theo rattles on as you look over to him, his blue eyes meeting your e/c eyes expectantly as you sigh, shrinking into the roof tiles.

He didn’t say anything as you gulped, opening your mouth and your head rattling for the right thing to say as you spoke quietly, “This was Allison’s house. She was my best friend and I guess just the fact that someone moved into her house brought up my feelings again.”

He nodded grimly, a frown on his face as he looked at you with softened eyes, gripping your hand a little as you looked down at the arrow that was held in your other hand. It felt so precious in your hand and it was the only thing you had left of her, “Is that...Is that hers?”

Theo’s voice was quiet and soft as if he wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings as his eyes caught onto the arrow in your hand. You didn’t even speak as you continued to look down at the arrow, nodding lightly as he moved closer to you.

“I may not have known her but I know she’s proud of you. She’s proud of all of you.”

───

It had been a few weeks and every night you went over to Theo’s roof and Theo joined you every single time without a doubt. You had both grown close and in fact, shared a kiss on the roof only three days ago. You trusted Theo a lot more and you felt that you could confide in him; it was the first time you were ever able to open up about Allison.

He listened to your stories, hugging you close to his body and rubbing a hand up and down your back, giving you support you didn’t know you needed. It had been the happiest you had been in so long, the long days that blended together with mediocre feelings becoming days of happiness, eagerly awaiting the time you could spend alone with him.

Sure, with all of the Dread Doctor things going on he wasn’t always on time but you understood. You had done the same before Allison but you hadn’t wanted or been able to go back onto the supernatural battle field since. You weren’t the same anymore.

You lay on your side, face pressed into Theo’s side as his arm wrapped around you, his hand playing with your hair. He knew it relaxed you but how he found out was beyond you.

Your eyes were fluttering shut as you relaxed against Theo, unable to keep your eyes on the sky which you both had been watching for the past hour. You felt Theo’s head turn to look at you as he spoke quietly, “You falling asleep on me?”

“No, ‘course not.” You murmured as he smiled down at you, noticing you didn’t even open your eyes as he pulled you closer to him, scared to let you go.

“It’s okay if you’re sleepy,”

“‘M not sleepy.”

He let out a small laugh as he shook his head, his hand still playing with your hair subconsciously, “Of course you aren’t.”

“The full moon is tomorrow,” You mumbled into his side, not aware enough to feel him tense slightly, “you still want me to come over?”

“I think we’ll be a bit busy, Y/N/N, especially considering it’s a supermoon,” Theo spoke softly, filled with guilt as he frowned, looking down at your fragile self. He hated himself for putting you through this, for pulling your pack apart without your knowledge; your friends, “I’ll make it up to you though, whenever you want.”

You nodded into his side and you both fell into a silence, him with his head running through what was going to happen tomorrow, the guilt eating at his stomach and you, falling asleep. When Theo next looked down he seen you sleeping, a small smile on your face and looking so peaceful. He stopped playing with your hair, reaching down and kissing your forehead lightly before he whispered, more to himself than you.

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Little did you know, there was more meaning behind that sentence than you knew. But you would soon find out.

#theo raeken #theo raekan imagine #theo raeken x reader #theo raeken angst #theo raeken x y/n #theo raeken x you #cody christian #cody christian x reader #cody christian angst #teen wolf #teen wolf x reader #allison argent #allison argent x reader

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gingus-doon · 4 years ago

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pov u just shot your childhood hero, wdyd

i.e. i ramble about keiji post-shooting; his occupation, what he does, how he copes, how he feels, etc. etc.

just putting this little thing here because the post got quite long and i couldn't split it up because it's all somewhat related. it started out as a rant / informal ramble but then it got serious lololol

—

one thing i don't understand is why people hc keiji as still having a job with the police post-shooting? like that just doesn't make sense to me– not only based on his character but like... why would you wanna make him a cop with all the talk of how much the police suck lately? personally i'm a brown bitch so i couldn't be down with thirsting over a cop lol. it's just kinda confusing sjdhd

i've seen the hc of him as a private investigator, though, which i like! it's a very neat way to let him flex his detective skills without being part of a corrupt organization and without forsaking his own personal beliefs and feelings about the police, because i don't think those would change anywhere near easily and i just kinda can't see him going back into the police force because of that.

i have often wondered what keiji would do after the death game, and what he was doing before the death game or after the shooting, because i think he'd definitely quit after the shooting, with all the grief and trauma surrounding the job and his newfound cynicism.

i don't think he'd be doing private investigation before the game, or more specifically, before his character develops into something reminiscent of his old self– as he is at the start of the game, he just doesn't have that faith in protection, so i can't imagine him being an investigator at that point. HOWEVER, in a post death game OR non-death game au where keiji has started to pull himself up from that tar (most likely with the help of others lol) i think that's definitely a plausible option for him and i like it a lot :]

as for other options, though... i really don't know! this is more of a stupid idea but i considered him working in a convenience store like shin lol. i had a whoooole au about him, kai, and shin working in the same convenience store just because they can't hold down any other jobs / don't know what else to do for work. shin is able to actually hold down the job because the last manager was mysteriously taken out of commission (i don't know lol) and they were ridiculously short-staffed already so shin ended up being the "most qualified" for the now vacant position. keiji's had a string of odd jobs since the police and this is just the next one. he's hoping to find something with a better wage but this'll do for now, it's even in walking distance from his apartment. and kai, kai's trying to exercise more independence from the chidouins' after becoming his own person! so he gets what i think would be his first job (well, his first official job, anyway... being an assassin and the chidouins' personal maid were more unofficial gigs lol.) ahh that was a lotta rambling about my dumb little au but i just think it'd be neat, they're three of my favourite characters so having them just vibe with each other at work and become friends sounds nice 2 me :] also Coincidentally i ship literally every combination of those three characters so that may have played a part in my casting decisions lmfao

oh wow that was a really long and uncalled for synopsis but this is just a rambly post so it can't really be uncalled for because this post doesn't have any particular point lol (A/N after writing this— IT HAS A POINT NOW, DISREGARD PAST ME)

SO ANYWAY ! i was just considering what keiji would do right after the shooting. honestly i have noooo idea, it's the beginning of a long road of him burying his trauma in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the pain it brings, and it marks a profound loss of innocence which makes his heart begin to grow cold. it's just hard to see the beginning of the process when where he started and where he ended up are very different places.

obviously, he'd quit his job. i wonder if the hallucinations would start right away? him being naïve in the beginning, i'm sure he'd acknowledge them– cry out apologies and plead for forgiveness until his throat is hoarse. the rule of hallucinations in yttd seems to be that if you acknowledge them, they'll burn themselves into your brain and you'll never be rid of them– implying that keiji has done so, as it's likely been years since the shooting and he's still suffering from the visions despite seeming to ignore them now.

ahh, i'm getting in my feelings about keiji now 😭😭 when i started this, i wanted to be held by him, but now i just wanna hug him like damnnnn

but back to what he'd do after the shooting– this scenario is self indulgent, but wouldn't it be nice if he took some time off and just stayed at his mom's place for a while? help her with chores while she's at work, try to regain a sense of normalcy in his childhood home...

i don't think he'd be able to do this right after the shooting. keiji had shame, once upon a time– the guilt would rack him like nothing else. i can imagine him spending a lot of late nights with alcohol, just wishing it was a dream. his resentment towards megumi slowly building as he feels he's being left in the dark as to why, why he isn't allowed to atone, why she's being so cold towards him about the shooting when he's suffering so heavily from the effects of it.

he wouldn't want to be around his dear mom as a murderer, and as a resentful alcoholic who's coping very poorly with his circumstances.

also (tangent incoming), i kind of wonder about keiji and alcohol a lot. in his fondness events with mishima, he says the following—

the "haven't drank that much in years" part makes me wonder– for how long? did he start to restrain himself before the shooting or after? i would say it's most likely after, considering the "feels like it'll swallow me up" comment he made soon after. and, how he talked about binge drinking when he was still a newbie. perhaps it was fine for him to do so, before the shooting— he'd just get wasted and flirt, have a good time. but after, it morphed into an inefficient coping mechanism which he fell far within the depths of to try and control the worst of his grief and self hatred. after that, heavy drinking couldn't just be for fun anymore.

i assume in the "before it got this way" comment, the "way" he's referring to is how he doesn't drink much anymore? or, he could be talking about the depression drinking, but i think the prior makes more sense.

even though i think, given keiji's example of drinking with megumi, that he could have gotten blackout drunk a couple of times purely for fun pre-shooting, i think here he's referring to the painful side of his relationship with alcohol here, the part that took place when he was trying to cope with his trauma. i think he brings up the story of drinking with megumi immediately after, then, to avoid talking about that part of his past. though he doesn't show it much, i think he's deeply ashamed of himself. not only of what he's done, but how he's handled it afterwards.

on a lighter note, though, it's quite funny to think of Lawful Good young keiji shinogi getting drunk off his ass and flirting with every woman he comes across willing to flirt back. like, what's up with that??? he seems like such a serious dork in the flashbacks, but doing well in his police job, he just... lets loose?? no no, honestly i think he hadn't drank much before going out with megumi and he took her insistence on him drinking a little too far, and with his inexperience with alcohol and the successive lack of self restraint that comes with each new drink, you get casanova shinogi, lmao.

BACK TO THE SERIOUS STUFF THOUGH !! i really like the idea of him going to his mom to help him pull himself back together. i think they'd have a solid relationship, fight me! he seems to adore his mom as a child with a good single parent usually does. i'm sure he appreciates her immensely for all the care and love she managed to give him when he was a kid while also working her ass off to support them financially. this very respect for her is what i think would drive him to isolate himself from her after the shooting– as i said above, he's a murderer now. a disappointing human being in general, and an even worse son. to let down his mother who worked so hard to raise him right... how could he? as his condition worsens and his heart grows colder, i'm sure that feeling would fester inside of him. he'd try to ignore it, as he does with everything else, but it's already wrapped its tendrils around his soul. that particular guilt isn't leaving him any time soon.

now that i'm thinking about it, also, i don't think it's likely that he'd quit his job right right away. it'd be more of a slow descent over the span of a few weeks. immediately after the shooting, he may stop showing up to work for a while. he just can't put on that uniform when it's practically caked in the blood of someone he held in such high esteem for so long. eventually, though, he gets a hold on himself– just a bit. he doesn't want to be cooped up in his apartment with his thoughts anymore, and he doesn't want to lose his job. what else would he do?

so, he takes it easy on the first few days back. megumi tries to make it easy for him. paperwork, whatever job he could do that's not on the field. he clings to her like a wounded puppy, hoping that she'll explain why she's covering it up when he doesn't want her to, what he's supposed to do with these feelings around the incident. he's drowning, and she's made herself a big sister figure to him– she's supposed to help him. but, she shrugs him off when he brings it up. she's so harsh about it compared to how she usually speaks to him. perhaps because of her own guilt around the incident, perhaps it's the family's response and how keiji is now, how panicked and sleep deprived the poor kid has looked since that day.

so he continues to spiral with nothing to hold on to. grasps at alcohol in a futile attempt to stop falling, because it's all he can think to fall back on. he's a wreck at work– he's barely living, much less working. but megumi tries her best to keep him from getting fired. she'll get him coffee and breakfast and try to say something encouraging. "hey. hang in there, shinogi." with a touch on the shoulder. but in spite of her efforts, of course, it hits a breaking point. everyone in the job thinks keiji's too damaged to continue, saying he either needs to see a shrink or get the hell out of the way and let everyone else do their job.

and keiji just stops coming into work one day.

the downward spiral ensues.

#your turn to die #keiji shinogi #yttd keiji #kimi ga shine #i really just wrote this much just about keiji like goddamn. calm down @ me #it's not that much tho i checked and it's like not even 2000 words 😔😔#i got sad writing some of the angstier parts of this. like keiji... my darling.... let me hug him #i feel like there's a lot to be said about ~after the shooting~ and the process of him becoming the man he is now #there's lotsa speculation about that here from me specifically lol #i'd kinda kill to read a fic that goes into this stuff! no ship or anything just keiji. and megumi and his mom #i wonder if it exists 👀👀👀 but there are few things without ships that exist....#anyway i love keiji more now somehow #i am super keiji simp trust #i am tired tho lol i think i'll sleep now. maybe #OH ALSO!!! it's very fitting that the last line mentions the downward spiral #because i was thinking of the nin album by that title earlier today #specifically keiji and a certain track. I WILL NOT SAY WHICH TRACK. YOU DO NOT NEED TO KNOW

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lolo314 · 5 years ago

Text

Soma Week Day: 5

Title: We’re not dating (lol)

@soulxmakaweek

Notes: This is the finale to Idiots the trilogy, aka the fics from days 1,3 and 5. Hope you enjoyed the ride!

“We’re not dating!” she yelled again, trying to convince her friends that it had only been a rouse to get rid of another girl, but found her attempts were in vein.

“Then why’d you tell Blair that you are?” he was smirking, hands crossed, clearly having the time of his life teasing her, oblivious to the reality of her feelings for Soul.

“For the last time, I only wanted to help out! Her was clearly not interested so I saved him the trouble of rejecting her.” She had repeated the lie so many times she had almost convinced herself that was all it was. That’s all there is to it… That’s it…

Blackstar’s relentless teasing had continued for the next few days, until he found his enthusiasm not returned. Soul had stayed silent during their exchanges, only hopping in once or twice to support her claims before accepting defeat. His passiveness to the situation only weakened her case.

Maka’s life had been turned upside down in the span of a few days. She found herself dreading any interaction with her best friend, while trying her best to avoid them by doing extra work for school. By the time she got to bed each night she was exhausted from overworking, but she knew that if she took a break she’d be left with her thoughts, and it was the last thing she wanted. Admitting the truth meant ruining her relationship with Soul completely. Can’t ruin what’s already broken… She tried her best to appear as if everything was fine, not wanting to raise any alarms. It’s better if he knows nothing.

After two weeks of avoidance, Soul cornered her in their kitchen during one of her short breaks for lunch.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” His hand was blocking her escape and she didn’t have it in her to struggle away –even though she knew that, between the two of them, she was the strongest fighter-.

“I’m fine Soul. I just have a lot of studying to do.” She tried to walk away but his hand remained firm on the kitchen counter.

“I’ve known you half my life. You may fool everyone else but you can’t fool me. “she rolled her eyes. She wasn’t in the mood for this. She couldn’t confront him. The feeling she refused to address was still there and it would only push them further apart.

“I’m just tired… There’s a lot of projects to be done and-“he didn’t let her finish the lie.

“Stop pretending everything is fine! You won’t even look me in the eye!” he used one of his hands to tilt her chin upwards, worry written all over his face. It was the first time in the last few weeks that she’d looked him straight in the eyes and she felt her face heat up and those feelings threatened to surface and she cursed her and them both for causing so much stir.

Despite her best efforts no words came. No comeback. She only starred and he starred back. Her lungs felt like they could burst any moment. She needed to get out. She needed air.

“I have to go.” She slid under his arms and sprinted out the door, grabbing her jacket before making her escape. She could hear his footsteps as he run behind her until she was out the door and all strength had left him. She silently thanked her past self for failing to convince him to go to the gym with her.

“Where are you even gonna go? It’s late! “his voice was shaky as he called out at her. She didn’t dare look back. She quickened her pace and went to the one place she knew no one would find her.

She let her legs dangle off the top of the hill as she looked out onto the city. It was a long way up, too inconvenient for anyone to consider climbing, but damn was the view breathtaking. She took a few deep breaths before closing her eyes and falling back on the grass, gazing at the stars. The best place in the city. She finally felt calm, after days of agonizing over her feelings.

I… I really do like Soul huh? A weight had been lifted of her shoulders. She didn’t need to waste time denying it anymore.

When did it start? When she thought about her history with Soul, it was like seeing it for the first time. Everything she considered a friendly gesture- hugging, calling him at three in the morning because she missed him, sleeping together after a nightmare- now served as an indication of her feelings, rooted into her heart long before the game. Long before the kiss.

Having realized her feelings, she felt ready to move on. She knew she couldn’t confess. She wouldn’t ruin their friendship. Instead, she’d be content with being his friend. As long as he was still part of her life, she didn’t mind.

“Looks fun.” Maka’s eyes shot open. Soul? She was sure she’d misheard. There is no way he came all the way here? But when she lifted her body and looked over her shoulder he was there, smiling at her, looking half dead. His breathing was hard and he was dripping wet, but he was still smiling. Still making sure she was okay.

“Can I join?” she nodded, returning his smile full force. They both sat on the edge, shoulders almost touching, their feet dangling, occasionally brushing against each other.

“So... Are you ready to tell me what’s wrong?” she could feel his eyes on hers but she looked at the blinking lights of the city.

“Nothing. There was something… But I’m okay now.” He leaned closer.

“Want to talk about it?” she shook her head. She thought she was ready to be friends, but she avoided his eyes none the less. It’ll get better with time…

All the self restraint she had built up the last few minutes went out the window when she felt his hand on her cheek. He gently turned her head so they were looking at each other in the eye. He’s close. So close. Her heartbeat increased rapidly, so much so she was worried he would be able to hear it.

“Talk to me, Maka.” her eyes landed on his lips and when she looked back into his eyes she forgot about her decision. Screw moving on. She crashed her lips on his, a proper kiss. No alcohol to blame, no game to win, no girl to push away. Just the two of them, under the stars. A real kiss. He was kissing her back. And it felt so right.

When they finally pulled back out for air they were both gasping.

“I- I thought you only saw me as a friend.” He looked shocked. She had caught him of guard. After that… I might as well be honest.

“I did too. But after that game…” he shook his head.

“Are you sure you’re not just-“she took his hand, leaving with bewildered.

“No. That kiss was only the cherry on top. I… I’ve liked you for much longer than that… I think I’ve liked you for years.” She refused to break eye contact. She needed to be completely transparent. She couldn’t leave him room to doubt the depth of her feelings.

“That’s why I’ve been acting weird… I didn’t want to accept these feelings… I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I was about to try and move on too, but then you idiot showed up.” It took him a few minutes to reply. She thought he was trying to think of a way to reject her when he pressed his lips on hers again in a soft kiss.

“I thought you wanted to forget about it… The way you reacted… I thought you didn’t see me like that…” it was Maka’s turn to be shocked. He likes me back?

“I… I like you, Maka. I have, for a while now. I thought you’d freak out. But, maybe there’s a chance?” she laughed. A chance?

“I think this is something we should’ve done a long time ago.” She kissed him again, harder, running her hand through his thick hair. He gently pushed her away and her insides turned. Did I take it too far?

“You’re sure about this, right? Cause if you’re for real I’ll go all out.” She exhaled and pulled him closer.

“Do so. We have to make up for lost time.”

When they walked through the Starbucks doors everyone’s eyes fell on their hands, fingers intertwined. Maka led them to the table their friends were occupied, smiling proudly.

“We’re dating.” Everyone gasped.

“Finally!” every costumers head turned at Blackstar’s voice, not that it was unusual.

“Wait. I thought you were already dating. After than make-out session at truth or dare.” Liz’s confused expression caused them all to laugh.

“How do you even remember anything? You were wasted.” Soul took a seat on the couch, gesturing for Maka to sit. She smiled before taking her sit and curling up next to him. She would never get enough of this.

#somaweek2020 #soulxmakaweek #soul x maka #soul evans #maka albarn

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applepiewinchesters · 5 years ago

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Straight Shot (Malcolm Bright x Reader)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN

When Malcolm didn’t come home that night you’d just figured he was working late, it was Halloween and Gil had called you about the case they were on, warning you Malcolm might be out late.

So, you went to bed thinking he’d be there when you woke, but that wasn’t the case.

It was about 3:30 in the morning when the ringing of your phone startled you awake. You’d only been asleep a few hours, and when you saw Gil’s name flash across your screen, a feeling of dread settled in your stomach.

Quickly grabbing the phone from the nightstand, you answered the call, “Gil? What’s wrong?” you asked, concern obvious in your tone.

“Y/N, it’s uh…it’s Malcolm, he got shot, he was in a junkyard in the Bronx, we’re on the way to the hospital right now,” Gil told you.

You were already out of bed now, pulling your jeans back on and grabbing a hoodie from the closet.

“Which hospital?” you asked, grabbing your purse and shoes.

It only took a short taxi ride before you were at the hospital, you gave the driver a little more money to step on it, this was literally life or death.

Hurrying into the emergency room, you found Gil sitting in a chair, he looked exhausted. More than likely because of Malcolm’s obvious lack of self-preservation.

“Gil!” you called, quickly hurrying over to him.

The older man stood from the chair, holding his arms out, immediately engulfing you in a hug. You returned the hug, holding back the tears already threatening to spill over.

Maybe it wasn’t even that bad and you were already freaking out, Gil didn’t say where Malcolm was shot.

“I-Is he okay?” you asked, pulling away from Gil.

Gil gave you a weary smile, “He lost a lot of blood, he’s in emergency surgery right now,” he explained.

You bit your lip, sitting down in the closest chair, you felt like you were going to pass out any second.

Gil sat down beside you, taking your hand in his, “He’s Malcolm, he’ll get through it,” he tried reassuring you.

“He better, or I’ll kill him,” you said, making Gil chuckle.

You both sat in those chairs for at least another two hours before a doctor finally came out, “Malcolm Bright,” he called to the nearly empty room.

Both you and Gil quickly stood up, “Is he alright? Did he pull through?” you asked hastily.

The doctor held up his hands, “He lost a lot of blood as I’m sure you know, we managed to remove the bullet and patch him up, he’s asleep but in recovery now if you’d like to see him.”

You nodded quickly, looking back to Gil, “I’ll make a few calls and then I’ll be there,” he told you.

“I’ll text you the room number,” you said before following the doctor to Malcolm’s room.

When you entered the hospital room, you weren’t exactly prepared for the sight of Malcolm in that bed, hooked up to different types of monitors, an oxygen mask over his face.

He was going to freak when he woke up, he hated being in the hospital almost as much as you hated just sitting in one. They smelled like old people and whenever you went there that meant something bad had happened.

Plus, they’ve no doubt drugged him up to make him sleep, you saw they’d already strapped him down in the bed with restraints, probably learned their lesson about a month ago when he got bit by that Black Mamba and then nearly attacked a nurse when he woke up.

“Thank you,” you told the doctor, who nodded politely before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

You sighed, grabbing a chair and pulling it next to the bed before plopping down in it.

Pulling out your phone, you texted Gil the room number before slipping your phone into your pocket and reaching out, taking one of Malcolm’s hands in your own, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles.

“You probably can’t hear me right now,” you began, “but if anything goes wrong…you better not die on me Malcolm Bright.”

The tears were coming again, and you let them this time, a sob escaping your lips.

He looked horrible, he was so pale and was almost cold to the touch. The doctor didn’t confirm if he was really going to be okay, who knows, maybe he’d never wake up.

The bullet had pierced his stomach, just barely missing his spine, at least that’s what Gil had told you. It’d torn him up inside though, and considering it took first responders nearly twenty minutes to get there, it only got worse as he waited.

There have been so many close calls, a few grazes here and there, but he’d never actually been shot, he’d never been injured this badly.

It was everyone’s worst nightmare, that call in the middle of the night saying a loved one’s been shot, not even knowing if they’ll be alive when you get to the hospital or if it’s already too late.

Wiping at your eyes, you took a few shaky breaths, trying to calm down. If Malcolm woke up and saw you like this then he would freak out, and no one needed that right now.

Sighing, you laid your head down on the bed, resting your head on your arm, keeping your eye on Malcolm’s heart monitor, the steady beeping a comfort to you, he was still here.

You must have fallen asleep because you were rudely awakened by the sound of a woman’s voice.

Sitting up in your chair groggily, you took in your surroundings, the details of the night before hitting you like a truck. Quickly, you looked to Malcolm, he was still asleep, it looked like he hadn’t moved.

“Hey kid, you okay?” you heard Gil ask and you looked up, seeing Gil and a woman you recognized as Jessica Whitly standing there.

You rubbed at your eyes, nodding, “Yeah, what time is it?” you asked.

“9 a.m.” Jessica said, her voice sharp, and Gil here decided to finally let me know that my son was shot and in the hospital about an hour ago.”

“He doesn’t need a whole group of people here, he’s asleep first of all, and Y/N was here to watch him, it’s fine Jessica,” Gil said, trying to reassure Malcolm’s mother.

“It’s not fine!” Jessica shouted.

“Shhh!” you and Gil both said, you looked over to Malcolm, thankfully still soundly asleep.

“Look, come on, we can talk in the hall,” Gil said, taking Jessica’s arm gently, but she looked towards Malcolm, worried.

“I’ll stay with him,” you reassured.

Jessica sighed, “Fine,” she said curtly, following Gil into the hall.

When they were both gone you stood up, stretching, you walked around the room for a while, trying to decided if maybe you should try and sleep some more or maybe find some food.

Before you could decide anything, one of the machines behind you started beeping rapidly, you turned sharply, Malcolm’s eyes were wide open, and he was struggling against the restraints now. His heart monitor was going wild.

“Malcolm, Malcolm, hey, hey, it’s okay!” you said quickly, rushing to his side.

You gently pushed him back onto the bed, “Calm down, it’s okay, you’re in the hospital,” you explained.

Malcolm had stopped the struggling but was breathing hard, face contorted in pain.

A few nurses came rushing in, “Ma’am, we can help, please move,” one of them said.

You did as told, going into the hallway, Gil and Jessica were no where in sight, which was probably a good thing, Jessica would no doubt be freaking out, demanding to be in the room.

It was only a few minutes later when the nurses came back out, “He’s calmed down, you can go back in,” one of them told you, giving you a soft smile.

You nodded, “Thank you,” you told him.

Heading back into the room, you saw they’d taken off the oxygen mask and removed the restraints, he didn’t really need them, as long as he wasn’t trying to rip out the IV in his arm.

“Hey,” you said softly, smiling.

“Sorry,” Malcolm spoke, his voice hoarse.

“It’s okay,” you told him, sitting down in your chair and taking his hand. Malcolm smiled softly, gripping your hand a bit. “Do you remember what happened?”

“I got shot,” Malcolm said, “in a junkyard.”

You nodded, “Did you see who it was?” you asked him.

Malcolm shook his head, “Too dark,” he told you.

Reaching out, you brushed a bit of hair from his forehead, “Your mother and Gil are here somewhere too, they’re both freaking out, your mom more so than Gil of course.”

Malcolm groaned slightly, “She’s going to give me an hour long lecture no doubt,” he told you.

“I can keep her out if you want,” you joked.

Your boyfriend shook his head, “No, it would make everything worse.”

“True,” you answered, sighing.

It was silent for a few moments before you spoke again, “Don’t ever do that again, when Gil called…I thought you…” you trailed off, not even wanting to think about it.

Malcolm smiled sadly, “I won’t, and I’m sorry, I never should have went alone.”

“Should have thought about that before you got shot by a random junk man,” you told him.

Malcolm looked tired, still pale from the loss of blood, but nevertheless he was trying to make you feel better, he put everyone first.

“C’mere,” he said, pulling you towards him.

You smiled, leaning forward and kissing him softly, when you pulled away, he tugged you too him.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” you told him, he was trying to pull you onto the bed.

“Fine, don’t cuddle with your wounded boyfriend,” he said, making you laugh.

“Gonna pull the victim card now?” you asked, making Malcolm nod.

Sighing, you gave in, lying next to him on the bed, careful to not go anywhere near his patched-up abdomen. You rested your head on his shoulder as he laced his fingers with yours.

At least you could finally relax, Malcolm was alive, he woke up. Now the only bad thing about this was going to be the recovery, Malcolm was the biggest baby when he was sick, so you could only imagine how this was going to be.

It was better than picking out his casket though, that’s for sure.

He’d also probably get some sleep now given the fact he was going to be off duty for a while.

You both ended up falling asleep in the bed, and Gil made sure to snap a picture and showed it to the entire station, giving them all fuel to embarrass Malcolm when he came back to work a few weeks later.

A/N: Well, hope you enjoyed this one, even if it was a bit angsty lol. Requests are open so feel free to send something in! Thanks for all the love! ~ Sara :)

#prodigal son #prodigal son fanfiction #prodigal son fic #prodigal son fanfic #malcolm bright #malcolm whitly #malcolm x reader #malcolm bright x reader #malcolm whitly x reader #martin whitly #jessica whitly #ainsley whitly #lou diamond phillips #michael sheen #tom payne #tom payne x reader #gil arroyo

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silverloreley · 4 years ago

Note

In your quirky moon/“Days of Moonlight (and) Heroes universe I'm so curious in the future of Usagi giving birth to chibiusa which characters from hero academia was their during the delivery and get to hold her as a baby?

What a cute idea to think about. Just what I needed to distract myself a few minutes from studying, thanks! I ended up making a whole scenery, lol. It’s long, sorry not sorry.

We know Usagi and Chibiusa share the birthday, so there would be some kind of preparations ongoing, even if the main SM cast knows Chibiusa will be born that very day, so they are on the edge and thought about having a party that started the night before so Usagi can blow on the candles at midnight and not have her birthday party in a hospital room.

So, everybody is pretty much there already when Chibiusa, being her precious primadonna-self as ever, decides she’s ready right when her mom is about to start opening the presents.

Mamoru blows up all the expectations about him going to be calm as ever and panics a bit before they manage to get Usagi to the delivery room. Minako would want in, but she’s too excited and Dr Ami kicks her out after about a minute, Rei would be welcome but she’s secretly too on the edge so stays out on her own accord and so do the Outers, even if everybody can see Setsuna would die to go in, but she explains calmly to Eri and Hotaru that they can’t crowd the princess in such a delicate moment in a way that sounds a lot like she’s trying to convince herself at the same time. Makoto ends up going in Minako’s place because someone needs to be there to catch Mamoru if he collapses (it’s only half a joke, the official excuse is to protect Usagi in case any teleporting Villain should have the bright idea to attack then and there).

So, in front of the delivery room, there’s a crowd.

Izuku is two steps from crying - he’s a pro Hero now, he can’t be seen crying like a fountain all the time - but he’ll definitely cry when he’ll see the baby later on, and they have to take Chibiusa from him because they’re worried he could drown the newborn. Ochako is very tempted to laugh, but the way he deals with it all is actually cute so she’s conflicted. She sticks by his side while they wait, along with Iida and Tsuyu.

Kirishima starts all hyped out, but Iida keeps telling him – loudly - he should be more quiet, until the wait gets longer and longer and he has the best idea, runs out and comes back with his arms full of balloons and plushies, accompanied by Kaminari, Jirou, Momo and a few others. Eri and Hotaru decide to name all the plushies so Chibiusa-chan will know how to call them since there are so many. Minako and Aoyama - who arrived fashionably late, but it’s because he was on duty this time - help, or try to before their names are rejected one by one.

Todoroki is mostly curious, not used to that kind of chaos and honestly, he’s better on the edge of it all, along with Shinsou – who totally naps with one eye open the whole time -, Rei, Haruka, Michiru and a very brooding Bakugou. If all of them keep stealing glances towards the door, they won’t tell a living soul.

And, of course, there is a Very Concerned Toshinori who is in equal parts happy, excited and scared, way more than he remembers being when Usagi was born because this is his baby having a baby! What if something goes wrong? But he has the All Might smile put on to hide it all, at least until Inko decides to sit quietly by his side and hold his hand without letting go the whole night and he squeezes back with a less plastic smile.

Aizawa, who was on patrol, arrives half an hour later, with enough coffee for a small army. He knows his former students well enough to know no one will go home until the baby is there. He also brought a blanket for Eri who is “I’m a teenager, not a child, dad”, but ends up using it anyway around two in the morning.

The wait is long, and the only reason everyone isn’t asleep by that time is because all of them are pro Heroes and are used to long hours. When Mamoru gets out with a blinding smile with the news there is a huge collective cheer, including an “about fucking time” from Bakugou – but he has such a soft tone for once. Good thing nobody caught that.

Technically speaking, Ami is the first to hold Chibiusa since she’s the doctor, but Mamoru doesn’t have to wait much and almost refuses to let her go, and even when they give the newborn to Usagi, he keeps his hand on her head or holding the tiny fists the whole time.

Of course, Toshinori should be the next but he’s too scared at first, so Izuku hold his shaking arms, worried sick that his hands are going to fail him at such an important moment, but “hey, it’s okay, Chibiusa is smiling, you’re doing fine, she’s the least crybaby of this family, took that from Mamo” before he burst out crying like mentioned above and Inko takes the baby to handle her to Toshi. And he feels lucky the doctors didn’t allow too many people in the room because he ends up crying almost as much as Izuku at how small and precious his granddaughter is. Inko needs to help him at first - his hands are huge, the baby is tiny, he can hold her in one hand, omg - and he cooes all the time he has her, but is also relieved when he handles her back to Mamoru.

The visits go on the whole day, Midnight finds out only during day, she, Mic and a few other teachers show up to visit and so does almost everyone Usagi knows. The room gets so stuffed with toys, balloons and so on. Not everybody gets to hold Chibiusa, but Setsuna’s eyes are moist when she does and they know she gives her back only out of duty. Hotaru shows a lot less restraint and looks ready to steal her best friend away.

Bakugou left after the announcement - "I have work, you dim-wits” - and comes back only in the evening, alone, when most people have left and Usagi is sleeping. He brought yet another toy that would be lost in the pile if not for the fact Mamoru catches him, standing at the door and invites him in quietly. The pink bunny is hypoallergenic, it won’t be a problem if she chews on it, he explains but can’t quite look that way. It’s too weird. At least until Mamoru gently pushes the newborn, blanket and all, in his arms and Chibiusa opens her eyes, sort-of-smiles and Katsuki grins back.

#question answered #sm/bnha crossover #I wrote it very quick #it was funny #I skimmed over a few details because potential spoilers #bnha/sm crossover #my work

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lovelyparkers · 4 years ago

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lifeline - introduction

warnings: allusions to sexy times lol, some spice but nothing explicit, hospitals, mentions of blood/wounds, peter calling you sweets a lot (read the teaser in my imagines book first!) 2k words

at exactly 5 am, your alarm blared, waking you up with a groan. early shifts were not your forte. you hit the button on your phone and rolled over into peter who was lightly snoring, mouth open a little.

you pressed up against his bare back, considering last nights escapades, and wrapped an arm around him to wake you up. peter always insisted that you wake him up before you leave for a shift so he could give you a kiss and maybe eat a quick breakfast for you. sometimes he would go back to sleep for awhile before leaving for his job. peter worked at the daily bugle doing photography while also maintaining a deli counter job at the bodega he frequented as a high school student. both jobs were great for him, he had fun, made extra money, and afterwards he could do his favorite job of all—being spider-man.

"pete," you whispered, "good morning."

he rolled over in your arms to face you, "mmm good morning sweets. i love you."

he rubbed his eyes so he could see you clearly, skin still glowing from last night and he gave you a quick peck on the lips.

"i love you pete."

he placed his head on your chest and closed his eyes again mumbling, "you're so pretty."

you blushed. you've been together for over ten years and he still had that affect on you.

"wanna have breakfast?"

"yes, please," he yawned.

you got out of bed, wearing nothing but underwear, reaching for your robe. peter whistled, watching you put your robe on.

you laughed, "no, nuh uh. don't start this. i have to leave for work in 40 minutes!"

peter grinned, "k."

you walked to the kitchen and starting making some eggs and toast, a quick little meal before you got ready for the day. when you finished cooking peter finally joined you in the kitchen, wearing his boxers and an MIT t-shirt.

"smells so good y/n."

he got out plates and two cups of water for the little kitchen table while you brought the food over, giving peter more because this boy had a big appetite.

"you're such a good cook, how?"

"you tell me that like everyday ya know."

"but it's true! how do you cook so good?"

you got up, cleaning the pan, "i don't know...practice, i guess."

"well i guess i need to practice more after that god awful pasta i made last night."

"pete, it wasn't awful."

"yes it was dont lie to me. it was bad."

you thought for a second, staring at him, "okay well you did overcook the pasta—"

"see! bad!"

"it's okay. you'll learn."

"i don't know, i think it's in my genes."

you laughed and headed to the bathroom to shower and finish getting ready. peter organized all your things for the day by the front door so you could head out right away. he grabbed your white coat, sitting on the couch watching the news waiting for you to come to the front door. at exactly 5:40 am you walked down the hallway, shoes clicking against the hardwood floor.

"okay babe, i'm gonna head out," you walked over to him by the couch before he stood up, smiling at you and holding up your white coat to guide onto your body.

"there you go doctor," he said after helping you put on the coat. you grabbed your bags and fixed your hair one last time in the hall mirror.

"thank you, as always."

you walked back over to him to give him a tight hug. he pulled back and gave you a nice long kiss, knowing you wouldn't be home till around 6 pm.

"go save some lives sweets."

you smiled, "i will. you too!"

he smiled. the two of you saving lives daily, working hard, and loving each other.

———————

you walked onto your floor for the day setting your things in your locker and meeting up with your interns for the day. you quizzed them on questions, answered their questions, and gave them assignments.

"dr. y/l/n?"

"yes?"

carly, one of your interns, perhaps a favorite but you would never say that, called your name.

"what's my assignment today? you didn't give me one."

you waited until your interns left the area before answering carly.

"you are going to be working with me in emergency surgery."

emergency surgery was great practice for when a surgeon had to be quick and precise, even under pressure and time restraint.

"oh, really?"

"yes, i think you're ready first."

carly was extremely smart and disciplined. she graduated top of her class from boston medical school. she was very efficient. and she was like a sister to you, since you lost natasha.

after successfully performing an appendectomy that morning along with carly, you sent her on a break and went to have lunch on your ward you were working on this afternoon. you always sat out on the deck.

fortunate to peter, he knew this was your favorite spot. he came to have lunch with you every so often. and today, he happened to swing by—literally.

you were going through some paperwork and eating a hospital cafeteria salad when a big gust of wind came by. and so did peter. he was swinging in the vicinity of the hospital to get your attention and he sure did.

when you noticed the red and blue hero, your peter, you smiled and waved. he was adorable and you loved that. it made your day. he did little poses while in the air, making you laugh, before swinging off after a few minutes. then peter swung over to the pediatric wing of the hospital and stuck to the windows, crawling around and waving to all the kids.

peter's heart was truly kind. he loved so many people and did so many good things. but a lot of the time, good things rarely happened to him as a hero. he got beat, scratched, shot...you name it. all for what? to protect people? exactly that. he put others first before himself, always. especially you.

——————————

unusually, you arrived at your apartment before peter. your shift ended early and he was still patrolling, giving you a quick call to let you know he would be home late. you decided to relax on the couch after a long day of being up on your feet. in the afternoon there was an issue between two of your interns fighting over a surgery.

the thing is, when it comes to being a doctor, there's no arguing. you do what's right when your told or do what's right yourself. you were disappointed in them, to say the least. if they want to be surgeons, they have to focus on the patient, not themselves. self-flattery has no place in a hospital.

you clicked on an old sit com and watched, before drowsing off into a full sleep.

two and a half hours later, peter cane jumping in through the open window of your apartment, startling you awake. he landed messily on the floor, laying on his back not getting up.

you immediately jumped to his side, seeing the blood pooling onto the floor from his leg.

"peter! what happened?"

you already started to pull off your loose tee shirt, ripping it and tying it securely around his thigh to stop the bleeding. his tight suit should have helped stop it, but it didn't.

peter quickly pulled of his mask, hair a complete mess and brown eyes filled with tears, "i was- i was stabbed."

"what?"

"i was—"

"never mind! don't move, i will be right back."

you were prepared for situations like this. ever since junior year of high school, peter came to you when he got hurt, knowing you could take care of him. you learned plenty of first aid, living with the avengers and being taught by dr. helen cho. as well as having to patch up your sister after a battle.

you kept a first aid kit in your home of course, you were a doctor and lived with a superhero. you rushed to grab and and ran back to peter's side. the blood was staining the white wood floors as he groaned out.

"pete this one is bad. i gotta stitch you up okay. you're gonna be okay but i don't know if that's gonna heal itself."

he nodded.

"let's get you out of that suit," you said pressing the spider on his chest, the suit loosened and you pulled it down his body and off his injured leg after removing the mock tourniquet.

he had bruises all over his abdomen and chest, as well as a black eye. you always got really sad when he came home hurt. but you focused on taking care of him.

you cleaned up his wound, and gave him a few stitches to help it heal faster. he winced, he always did, not because it hurt that bad, but because it was you, and he got stressed when you had to take care of him because he didn't wanna put that on you. but you always took care of him no matter what.

after stitching him up and disinfecting his thigh again, you cleaned up the bloody area and washed your hands. peter was still laying on the floor, suit in a pile next to your fake plant. you knelt down on the ground next to him.

"pete?"

he cried out, "i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i know i said i'd be more careful but there was-i couldnt-it was just- you know."

you teared up, "peter, stop it's okay. you're fine, i've got you."

you rubbed up and down his arm to comfort him. in times like these he was extra vulnerable, he often had flashbacks to tony, thanos, beck, etc. it was a time he needed you most. you pulled him up into a sitting position to give him a long, tight hug. he cried into your shoulder, beat up and bruised.

"it's okay," you whispered, "i love you."

"i love you too," he sniffled out.

"c'mon, let's get you in bed."

you slowly and carefully helped him to his feet, letting him lean his uninjured side into the ground for balance while the other stayed limp—you being his support. you got him into bed on top of the covers and placed an old towel under his leg as well as taping extra gauze on top of the wound.

"thank you y/n."

"of course. i'm gonna bring you something to eat."

"n-no you don't have to you did enough al—"

"please, it will make you feel better."

"okay."

you brought his so heated up leftover pasta in a bowl. enough to make him heal but not so much he got sick from the blood loss. you put on the tv as he ate his pasta in bed. he grabbed and held your hand while the other held a fork.

when he was done you placed the bowl on the nightstand and cuddled into his side. he looked at you for a long while.

"what?" you asked when you notice him staring.

"i just really really am thankful. you always take care of me and never leave. i really love you."

"i love you too. i'd do anything for you peter."

he leaned over to you and captured your lips in a sweet and long kiss. moving your lips together in sync, slowly and lovingly. he placed a hand on your cheek to deepen it even more. eventually he tried to pull you in his lap, much to your dismay.

you groaned against his lips, "mmh no."

peter whined, "why sweets?"

"peter, you just got stabbed, c'mon you need to rest."

"fine," he pouted. he obviously had no limits whatsoever.

"let's go to sleep. and promis me you won't go out tomorrow?"

"okay," he said cuddling up with you, stroking your hair from the side, "i won't. i love you."

"i love you too."

you dozed off safely in each other's arms.

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happycakestories · 5 years ago

Text

old mx fic dump pt. 3

a very self-serving highly gratuitous twins au -- unrealistic but very fun in the moment - cowritten with @deardystopia

God, why couldn’t he have just suffocated? He needs to work on that - for next time hopefully. (If there even is a next time, the pessimist within him groans loudly).

First Chapter : Hotter than hell

Literature class never felt so slow to Jackson as it does today, he decides, grumbling and writing notes in his chicken scratch handwriting of what the professor is saying. None of it is helping to make the minutes pass faster. Nor is sending playful and stupid messages to his best friend, typing fast on the phone screen hidden behind a tall student sitting disinterested in the row in front of him. Okay no, it helps just a bit, but reading Tolstoy also feels like being punched in the gut over and over.

Usually they would be together whispering and chattering like two old grandmas for the entire lecture, but Jooheon didn’t arrive today on time. When he showed up as the class was starting, he literally looked so lost and confused like he had just gotten out of bed, but it wasn’t surprising as this was the first class of the day. He was sporting messy dark chocolate curls, a bordeaux adidas hoodie and a pair of black sweat pants that probably were the first things he fished off of his room’s messy floor – he was the messiest person, really – to get dressed fast, and by the time he had gotten there, almost no seats were left. Jackson couldn’t have kept the reserved spot any longer as more sleepy students were already dragging themselves into the various rows of seats in class, occupying everything too fast.

Also, Jackson would have been late as well if it wasn’t for his noisy roommates returning to the dorm at 6 am in the morning - God knows what they were on about - and let’s not even talk about the constant pressure he felt being the New Exchange StudentTM. He moved to study in Korea one and a half months before, to start sophomore year in Seoul thanks to an international exchange program hosted by the college. He must also admit that if it hadn’t been for Jooheon’s bright smile, incredible charisma and that charming pair of deep-set dimples that made him the most adorable human to ever exist, he would have felt completely alone. Some people weren’t so welcoming at the time they found out he was a Chinese exchange student, even if prejudices were based on old history for some communities, it was hard to let things go, but with Jooheon all that was needed to get to know each other was a simple smile during the first day of the class they were now always attending together.

Uh, usually you don’t think something like that about your best friend… But nobody could resist Jooheon’s smile in any way and Jackson was definitely pining over him since they met, always dreaming of being able to touch and caress those dark chocolate curls of his and kiss those pink plush lips. They probably would have tasted just as sweet.

Anyway, today’s messages’ topic was: What happens when you get ‘scared half to death’ twice?

Last night Jooheon’s brother insisted on entering one of those terrible and scary houses… Because, why not? He said everything would be fine and that those ‘monsters’ were just people working and doing their job, so there was nothing to be worried about, right?

Jooheon wasn’t entirely convinced as he was telling Jackson, all his friends knew that he gets scared easily and maybe it’s one of the reasons they enjoy frightening him at all times – his reactions are the best really -, but there was his brother too with him, so he decided to go inside and face all his fears.

‘Face’ is a strong word, “Suddenly this guy with a big bloodied chainsaw and a freaking mask started to scream and chased US! BUT I FELL (☼Д☼)” Jackson is reading the story unfolding on the messages and lets out a small giggle as he keeps going on “I wanted to run but my legs went numb and my BROTHER DISAPPEARED (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ”

“He abandoned you there??”

“YES!?”

“Why? What happened then? What did you do?? （・□・；）”

“I cried,” Jackson must hide the big smile that is emerging reply by reply by sliding down more on the chair, he doesn’t want to get scolded by the professor as he tries to imagine Jooheon crying on the ground of this warehouse with a masked man threatening him “And the chainsaw guy took off his mask, put his hand on my shoulder, kneeled to talk to me, and APOLOGIZED ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚”

“WHAT щ(゜ロ゜щ)”

Okay, Jackson now has to bite his bottom lip hard to not laugh out loud in class. How much would he have payed to see that scene in person? Probably his entire tuition.

“I KNOW” Jooheon answers in caps “And he led me to the exit by my hand!!! That shit was too scary tbh. Remind me to NEVER go again inside of one of those houses lol”

“I guess he actually felt bad about scaring you like that ahah. But at least you didn’t have to endure the entire house till the end ┐(´∀｀)┌”

“Maybe? But you know who wasnt sorry about leaving me to die in there? MY BROTHER (ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ彡( o°o)” there were more dots under Jooheon’s name on the chat, signaling he was typing something more “HE WAS WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE AND WHEN HE SAW MY FACE HE LAUGHED HIS ASS OFF!! HE CRIED ABOUT MY PAIN. He is SO MEAN really. I don’t know why we’re still brothers??”

“You can’t change your relatives, I know something about it… But if it was me I would have bought you sweet pastries and a hot coffee to be graced by your forgiveness ahah”

“You’d be a better brother for sure ♥”

Did he just…get bro-zoned? You got yourself into this situation Jackson. You did this to yourself.

Jackson mentally slaps himself as he tries to change the topic to something entirely different in order to stop where all of this is going to lead before it happens. Besides, as he thinks about it, he actually hasn’t met Jooheon’s brother at all, his best friend told him only that the first year was really tough and messy. His brother was never home or attending classes, and lots of fights happened between them when he wouldn’t even say where he was spending most of his nights. Jooheon kept worrying over him, stressing over him, almost reaching a point where he almost failed two classes, but since the start of the sophomore year, everything was getting better slowly, his brother started to attend classes more and seemed “more tamed” as Jooheon described it.

“Do you have another class after this? (´・ω・｀)”

“Yeah, man. Gotta attend linguistics, sad stuff (;´□｀)”

“Oh!” You’re probably going to hell for this small lie as you’re typing it and for all the times you thought about your best friend in not the most innocent ways, Jackson thinks, biting his lying tongue, “Can I walk you over there? I’m going in the same direction. (◡‿◡)/”

“I’ll wait for you outside then! ♥”

It went smooth. But why does he keep sending those hearts? Is he using them with his other friends as well? Is it a Korean thing? Probably - Jooheon most likely replies like that to everyone, but Jackson can’t and won’t stop his hopes from soaring higher than they should as he slips his phone into sleep mode and slides it back inside his jean’s back pocket.

Finally, the longest literature class in history ends, and Jackson’s heart starts to pound faster as he prepares to approach Jooheon waiting out in the packed corridors. Most of the time it’s not like this, but today it’s different for them, Jackson will ask him out. Or try, at least.

He gathers all of his books, his favorite blue squid-shaped pencil case and his literature notebook, throwing them inside his blue backpack before high-tailing it out of there.

“Jooheon-ah!”

When Jackson calls to the red hooded lump leaning against the corridor’s wall, Jooheon raises his chin up and looks directly at him, sweet eyes accompanied by that irresistible deep dimpled smile that drags everyone into a utopian paradise. Jackson’s heart painfully skips a beat for a long moment.

I’m going to die, he thinks as he moves forward to his best friend, attempting to reciprocate with a small smile and hoping to not seem too obvious about his crush for him.

“Hey! All good?” Jooheon chirps fondly, moving off from where he was leaning to walk side by side with his friend, fiery red backpack dangling wearily from one of his shoulders as the weight of culture made itself apparent.

“Yep,” the Chinese student starts, bending his head slightly toward the ground as he doesn’t feel so confident in his self-restraint when those angel-kissed dimples are there. “Though, what about you? You seem quite, uh tired this morning? … Don’t tell me it’s because of the House of Horrors you went to yesterday?”

“Well, that definitely helped! But when it was like 2 a.m. I was about to doze off, my mind was literally blank… And then the thought of Lit’s midterms results coming out today HIT me so hard that I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” Jooheon makes a startled face, giggling at an invisible thought, gesticulating to make it less abstract. “Like, it’s the first exam this October and I want to pass it so bad?? I don’t want to repeat last year’s grades seriously.”

“What?! You shouldn’t be this anxious! I’m sure you got a straight A with a full score.” Jackson pushes jokingly at the other’s shoulder, almost making him trip on his feet. “We studied together, I know what you’re capable of. Don’t worry too much! And if it’s not what you hoped for, we’ll get through it together.”

Was he being too extra with the compliments? But at the same time…why is that when he said I know what you’re capable of, it made him think about totally different things that were incredibly out of context?

He know his best friend is a great student, a slow learner but with enough time he could analyze and understand things way better than others. Also, Jackson got help from him many times with Korean language misunderstandings – and there were many of these times - but Jackson wouldn’t have minded knowing what Jooheon was capable of in other contexts. Contexts where Jackson imagined himself on top of Jooheon, bodies pressed together on unmade and crumpled sheets as he drinks himself drunk on each one of those wet and incredibly sweet kisses, as their fingers intertwine together. He could almost make out the stunning sensation of Jooheon’s soft, ruddy lips on his.

“Thanks man, we will see later I guess…!” His best friend’s cheerful voice feels like a bucket of freezing water thrown over him.

Jackson, chill. Literally. Also, maybe it’s time to ask him about… “Oh, yeah… Later I-“

“Ugh. I really want a Smoochie right now, in this exact moment. Like right now.”

But it seems that his best mate didn’t hear his mumbled words as he was groaning and pouting like an adorable child in need of his daily sugar intake to keep functioning.

Still, what the hell was a Smoochie? Was he talking about a literal smooching session or what…? Would Jooheon ever be so forward with him? Did he notice Jackson’s embarrassing crush for him?

“A Smoochie is one of the best smoothies in town, you know?” Jooheon laughs again, probably from the confused look on the Chinese student’s face. He had to explain.

“Ah.” No kisses involved, then.

“It’s made with hibiscus flowers! It’s one of the seasonal drinks they prepare in that nice coffee shop near the campus, Flower Café, you know?” He seems so eager to explain the entire story of the drink to Jackson, that if he didn’t know him, he’d honestly assume he was some kind of amateur food enthusiast. And honestly, knowing him as he is, the fastest way to his heart was definitely through his stomach. “It’s so colorful and it smells amazing…You should try it sometime! Even though, I think they changed the menu to fit the Autumn theme by now.” With a deep sigh he keeps going on, “It’s a pity I couldn’t go before the end of September, there was no time to breathe with this midterm coming so fast…”

Jackson lets out a nervous laugh as he musters up the courage to say what could only be an incredibly embarrassing thing, his mind completely blank and unable to think. His brain decided to not function anymore at the word ‘hibiscus’ for some reason.

“Hibiscus flowers symbolized, in the Victorian Europe, ‘delicate beauty’” - stop - “In China their meaning is related to wealth and fame.” - STOP BRAIN - “I think it’s the type of drink that fits you perfectly, you know for your bea-“

“OH NO!” Jooheon shouts, his mouth hanging open for a moment as the sudden realization hits him hard “I forgot my essay for linguistics!”

God maybe is real, maybe not, but Jackson owes him at least for this. He was definitely saved in the very last moment before he made himself look like a fool. He bites down on his upper lip hard, thankful he didn’t finish what he was going to say.

“I’m sorry man, I’ll catch you later, ok?”

Wait.

“Sure, but about tonight’s party would you- “

But Jooheon already rushed through the other side of the corridor, running for his life as he probably had to get back to his apartment near the campus, fetch the essay and come back to the same building and arrive late for his class.

Jackson remains by himself, talking alone and completely out of the range from his next class. He accompanied Jooheon just to be able to talk with him about the party, but his plan to ask him out completely failed. Sure, if there’s time they will meet later at Jooheon’s apartment, so he might try to gather the courage to try to ask him out for a second time, but…

“You can do it, Jackson.”

“...called you, but your cellphone is down - but workin’ on weibo what you think I’m blind? Playin’ hard to get, I know you want me too-”

Jackson looks up from his own phone, pulled away from his temporary distraction by the uncanny timing of the party’s booming music. Working on weibo huh, he thinks, echoing the lyrics in his own mind, smiling slightly at the out of context reference. The DJ tonight must be Chinese, he guesses. Maybe he should pay them a visit at the end of the night, strike up some conversation, and leave the party with another friend. He strides across the dance floor, empty messages already forgotten in his excitement at the chance of finding someone from the motherland. First and foremost, Jackson Wang has always been a social butterfly and not even a language barrier can stop that.

Unfortunately, the complexities of texting etiquette can, and he’s nervously clicking his phone open again, scrolling through a string of messages he’s read over at least three times. Writhing bodies mill around his own, an awkward unmoving block that sits smack dab right in the center of the party, but Jackson can’t bring himself to care about the hastily bumped shoulders or rude murmurs. It’s not like he can understand them that well anyway.

What he can understand is the fact that there seems to be no sign of Jooheon replying to the messages he sent over thirty minutes ago. Earlier this morning, he had stood there in the crowded hallway with his tongue swollen in his mouth as Jooheon had gone on and on about a terribly named drink. It had been on his mind the entire time, nine simple words, do you want to go to the party together, reverberating over and over in his throat and practically on the tip of his tongue for the entirety of the conversation. Casual, friendly, and entirely platonic - nothing could have gone wrong with him just asking outright. And yet, the words had sat fat and swollen in his mouth, souring like spoiled milk from being exposed to the rot of his cowardly disposition. Now remembering Jooheon’s innocent rambles about sugary drinks as he had considered a multitude of things less than pure brings a flush of heat to his cheeks, and the bitter taste from earlier bubbles in his mouth like acrid vomit as he scrolls again through his messages.

Sent 9:17 PM. The time reads 10 by now, and still no reply.

Getting to know the potentially fellow Chinese DJ suddenly seems much less appealing now, and Jackson considers trekking all the way back across campus again so he can eat away his feelings in bowls of Szechuan-style chicken as he cries his eyes out to old imperial dramas in his tiger print pajamas. Why yes he is a fully grown functioning college student, why do you ask?

He’s already retracing his steps back through the disgruntled crowd, picturing in his mind’s eye the exact arrangement of pillows he’ll set up on his bed for the night, when a familiar stare forces him to a sudden stop. Slim eyes, usually so soft and gentle, are lined to a knife-like point with perfectly flicked curves of black. Still, it’s unmistakably Jooheon’s stare pinning him like a taxidermied butterfly right where he stands, rooted motionless against the far wall of the lobby floor. Even from clear across the room, Jooheon’s gaze burns so intensely Jackson feels it down to the very marrow of his bones. Oh, and also directly in his crotch.

The unflinching stare draws closer and closer, never removing itself from his wavering own as its owner weaves his way effortlessly through the shifting crowd. The bass pounds up through Jackson’s locked legs, flowing through his blood and right into his brain, elevating his current consciousness into a state of lucid drunkenness. Maybe that’s a good thing, he wonders, especially if Jooheon keeps staring at him like that, there’s the very high chance his brain will leak right out of his ears and plop right onto the neon patterned dancefloor. Not very attractive, Jackson, he thinks, grimacing at the sudden appearance of the explicit imagery inside his swirling mind.

In his panicked what-ifs, Jooheon has somehow already stalked his way across the floor and is standing in front of Jackson with his dark, glittering stare, looking as if he’s absolutely ready to party the night away. All thoughts about melting cerebrums and drunken bass beats fly out of his mind as Jackson blatantly ogles the entirety of Jooheon’s too tight fashion. Not that he doesn’t appreciate his friend’s frayed hoodies and sagging sweatpants, but just - goddamn - they really don’t hold a candle up to the rips situated dangerously over gloriously thick upper thighs and the rest of his legs bound in skin-tight black jeans. The shock hits him again in another breath-sucking punch as he looks up to see a leather choker buckled dangerously around a pale neck, so thin and stiff Jackson faintly wonders how Jooheon is breathing with that on.

Then again, how is he breathing with anything he has on right now?

The DJ shifts songs, switching to something smoother with the same pulsing backtrack, and Jooheon sidles right up into Jackson’s space in perfect timing with the beat. Oh god - Jackson is really holding his breath right now, staring right into slitted orbs that blink lazily at him almost as if in wait. When raucous silence passes by for a few nerve-wracking moments, Jackson finally summons up his lost voice and says in a very manly, very steady tone, “When did you get here?”

Jooheon’s gaze flows like liquid mercury, dark and inscrutable as he tilts his head to the side in a movement that Jackson has seen an infinite amount of times before under innocent sunlight in hazy cafes. This time though, it’s so...predatory, Jackson is gripped by an irrational fear for his life.

No ripping teeth or hungry growls come though, only the same smooth, elegant smile dipping over the other’s full cheeks and revealing a very familiar set of dimples. “Just now, you?” he murmurs, stepping even closer, practically tangling his toned legs around Jackson’s own.

The Chinese student muffles an indistinct sound in his throat, something suspiciously resembling a choking cough as he unintentionally inhales the scent of heady jasmine mixed with a strange smoky sweetness from Jooheon’s upturned cheek. In what universe has Jooheon ever been this forward, this alluring? He admits it, he may have slightly dug his face a little too deeply into past hugs and it’s always been the soft, curling scent of warm cotton and fresh spring detergent, but right now the only way he can describe the perfume curling off of Jooheon’s skin in waves of heat is - pure sex.

“Uh, like uh thirty minutes ago, but no worries - woah-” Jackson’s reply is cut off with a definite sound of him choking on his own spit as Jooheon presses himself to the panicking man’s front in a smooth serpentine arch, pushing their chests together in a searing line of flesh. A light hand traces down his jacket clad arm, before loosely circling around his wrist and fitting Jackson’s locked fingers into the curve of a warm, supple waist.

Abort. Repeat. Abort. Hand. Jooheon’s waist. Chest. Jooheon’s chest. There are spots dancing over his vision, and he knows these ones aren’t from the neon beams. If he passes out now, at least he can go out with the perfect sight of Jooheon’s face burned into retinas as he descends into Hell.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Jooheon hums, practically purrs, pressing over Jackson’s twitching fingers with his own cool hand as he continues staring up at him with sharp eyes. They’ve changed though, still two pools of inscrutable ink, but the predatory glare has faded into something more silky, more inviting. And Jackson, with his shaking heart and pounding head, who is he to say no?

It’s as if Jooheon mentally heard the automatic response within Jackson’s head, and he’s backing out of the other’s space, leaving the air around him suddenly so cold. Still, Jooheon keeps one hand curled watchfully around Jackson’s wrist, tilting his chin towards some dark corridor in the furthest recesses of the dorm as he mouths “come on” to the stunned man with a shiny, pink smile. The moment he turns, strutting confidently through the flickering shadows, Jackson is tripping into action, allowing himself to be pulled along by the heated tether between them.

Now, Jackson doesn’t know what he expected his first time with Jooheon to be like (if he ever even expected a first time at all), but it most definitely did not include being pushed up against a wall and being kissed within an inch of his life. Jooheon’s lips are locked glossily over his own, and already there’s a tongue licking into his mouth, draining every shocked moan right out of him with its skilled workings. By the time Jackson comes back enough to the real world to begin reciprocating, there’s already fingers dancing down his jeans and popping open his fly without a second of hesitation or struggle.

The mouth over his own is suddenly gone, leaving him panting at empty air as Jooheon’s dark head situates itself right at crotch level. Jooheon. On his knees. For him. Jackson is definitely going to hell after tonight.

Jooheon sends him a sultry glance up through delicate lashes, complete with a hint of a tongue peeking out over spit-shined lips as he proceeds to maneuver Jackson’s rock-hard cock out of his boxers without a hint of hesitation. Jackson swears he’s already shaking down to his very bones, but the tremors only escalate another level further when Jooheon’s hands grip soft and steady around him, stroking gently up and down with deft fingers that smear beads of pearly precum over every inch of his painfully red cock.

“You don’t have to-” he starts, wincing at the sound of his own cracking voice, but Jooheon only puts a wet finger to his full mouth before swallowing Jackson down in one go.

Jackson bites his tongue, clamping a sweaty palm over his mouth for good measure as he tries to hold in every embarrassing sound as a tight, wet heat begins working itself over his cock in a quick, unforgiving rhythm. The slick noise of flesh against flesh echoes lewdly within his ears, and Jackson knows, no matter how much control he has over his 3-pack abs, if Jooheon continues at this pace he’s going to come like an eager middle schooler discovering the wonders of porn for the first time again.

Somehow, Jooheon seems to read his mind for the second time, and he pulls of Jackson’s now purpling cock with a sucking pop! There are trails of white smeared around his lips, and he makes direct eye contact with Jackson as he openly licks away the droplets and swallows them down with a distinct bobbing of his throat. Jackson automatically swallows his own spit at the sight and feels his tortured cock twitch happily in response to the sight. Somehow, Jooheon has twisted him into a complete masochist tonight, but with the way he’s straightening in front of him with further promises flashing within his slitted eyes, he can’t say he has a problem with that.

And without warning, complicated lacings of combat boots are being pulled loose and kicked to the side, and Jackson watches, flabbergasted, as Jooheon shimmies out of those skin-tight black jeans with a wiggling of his hips, his underwear quickly following until he’s standing thighs bared before Jackson, head cocked again as if in wait.

This time Jackson stands, absolutely frozen in place with no idea what to do, so Jooheon takes the initiative and slips forward, grinding himself up against the other man’s front as he pulls Jackson to his lips with looped hands around his neck. The moment their mouths connect, Jackson is shocked back into awareness, and it only hits him now that this is real, that Jooheon is willing to kiss him, willing to let him fuck him, and oh, how badly he wants it, how badly he needs it and how he needs it now.

Jooheon is the one being slammed back against a wall now, releasing a shuddering breath into Jackson’s all too eager mouth as he latches on even tighter around the other’s neck. Jackson hikes his hands up under the crook of bent knees, winding them around his waist as he lifts Jooheon off the ground entirely, and a surprised moan brushes sweetly over his lips as a reward. Maybe all those years of professional fencing are finally paying off now, he thinks deliriously, digging his fingers into the soft, full flesh of Jooheon’s ass.

He’s ready to move on, to take it to the final point, to take Jooheon as he’s presented so enticingly before him, but a realization suddenly douses his entire body with cold water. Jooheon senses it too, hands cupped around his cheeks as he separates his mouth from Jackson’s, a clear trail of spit hanging between their open lips. Jackson’s gaze catches on that erotic sight for a moment too long, before he knocks himself out of it with a stuttering whisper of “condoms?”

Jooheon gives him a squinted stare that strangely makes Jackson feel like folding to his knees and begging for forgiveness in a deep bow. “Why, are you not clean?” he asks bluntly, digging a foot into the curve of Jackson’s back.

The Chinese student splutters, pushing Jooheon further up against the wall in an effort to avoid dropping him. “No, no, I am, but shouldn’t we be safe?”

The hallway is almost entirely encased in shadow, but he swears he receives an immediate eye roll in response. However, the weight latched around his waist disappears as Jooheon steps down without shame, hips swaying confidently, over to his discarded pile of clothing. He bends over, Jackson trying and failing to not gawk over his full ass, and returns with a shiny packet in hand. He slips into the space between the other man and the wall and tears open the condom with a quick snarl of teeth before discarding the silver packet to the side.

Hail Mary, Jesus, and Joseph, Jackson might as well die from a brain aneurysm now. The sight of Jooheon opening a condom in a flash of white teeth and pink lips is the only thing he ever wants to remember for the rest of his life.

He shivers as Jooheon roughly rolls on the latex sleeve over his curved cock, biting his lip when a hooked finger pulls it tight with a snap right at the base. Jooheon straightens, seemingly a pout on his face as if asking ‘satisfied?’ Jackson swallows guiltily as heat begins roiling in his gut again, and an idiotic surge of bravery courses through him as he crowds Jooheon back up against the wall with his own body.

Soft hands slip smoothly over his shoulders in response, curling along the column of his neck in vague threat that has Jackson obeying immediately. He’s in the middle of hiking thick thighs up to his waist, when Jooheon laughs, high and lilting. Jackson pauses, rightfully confused and a little lovesick as he stares at Jooheon’s dimples on complete display. “Come on,” he murmurs, “don’t you want to try for the shoulders instead? Or can you not handle it?”

Oh it’s on. Jackson’s never known Jooheon to be so cocky, but if he’s asking for it, then Jackson is going to give it to him.

“Sure I can,” he smiles, purposefully letting his rough syllables roll low off his tongue as he immediately hooks bent knees to sit at both sides of his neck in a quick, steady hold. Jooheon blinks, appraising him perhaps, before grinning wickedly and seating himself down over Jackson’s cock in a single smooth push.

Velveteen heat encases him in an immediate vice, and Jackson chokes on the feeling, at the realization that Jooheon decided to come prepared. The image of Jooheon spreading himself open at home just for this, for him, flashes through his brain, and he has to grit his teeth to not come from that sight alone. For once, the other man finally shows signs of breathlessness as his mouth drops open in a silent o from the full drag of Jackson’s cock within him. The slight gasps dropping out of Jooheon’s shaking lips are doing wonders for Jackson’s already self-assured ego.

When it seems like an eternity has passed with them connected together like this, Jackson dares to move, pulling back with a slick sound of flesh and pushing back in with a simultaneous moan from the both of them. Jooheon immediately clenches around his cock and kicks his foot into Jackson shoulder, glaring up at him with a very obvious command.

Jackson obeys with another burning pull, dragging it out even longer just to feel that sparking friction from Jooheon’s fluttering insides. Another hard kick digs into back of his head, and Jackson slams in without warning, the force of it knocking Jooheon so hard against the wall he arches his throat up in a cry of breathless surprise.

The air fills with cut off moans and yelps as Jackson picks up pace, drilling Jooheon onto his cock over and over again as he chases after the oncoming wave of absolute ecstasy. Jooheon’s bare legs bounce uselessly over Jackson’s shoulders with every thrust, no resistance left for any bruising kicks as he can only cling to Jackson’s tensed body to keep himself from falling.

Jackson’s close, too close, and the sentimental idiot he is, he wants to come with Jooheon’s lips on his, crying out the other’s name, so he blindly gropes for Jooheon’s face in the darkness with his own. Like a magnet, plush lips fit themselves over his, and they’re messily making out as Jackson pistons erratically in and out of Jooheon’s wet heat.

It’s here, the wave, the final build up in his stomach, and Jackson groans out his final confession against Jooheon’s gasping breath. “Jooheon, I, I’m going to-”

A bruising force slams into his shoulder, and Jackson literally has the breath knocked out of him as he falls back onto his ass. He can only gape, jaw dropped, as Jooheon stands above him, glare raining down all of the fires of hell upon Jackson’s prostrated body. The other’s cock still bobs proudly, its head tinged pink against his black shirt, and there’s a hint of slick dripping down his pale thighs. Jackson’s traitorous cock twitches heartily against his stomach at the sight.

Jooheon steps right between his spread legs, and leans down, a strangely gleeful smile pulled across his dimpled cheeks. “I’m Hojoon. Jooheon’s twin.”

And with that he’s spinning on his heel, the same confident sway in his walk as he collects his clothes and disappears past the corner without even a backwards glance.

Jackson sits there, fly down, dick hard as he considers whether or not he still has enough dignity to drag himself back to his dorm tonight. Jooheon’s twin’s - Hojoon’s - words ring over and over again through his mind, and Jackson prays to his dear grandma’s heavenly soul this won’t come back to bite him in the ass tomorrow.

Jooheon keeps glancing wistfully now and then at his blacked-out phone screen because of course he had to forget the portable battery charger in his room. Before coming to the party, when he got back from afternoon classes, he didn’t think of plugging it in at home as eating pizza had seemed much more important at that time. In his defense, he was starving after being out for the entire day, and then his brother was talking about having a “fast” match on Overwatch, so he needed to participate even if “fast” matches usually lasted hours. That was because Hojoon kept whining things like “Fuck no, we need to do another one! It can’t end like this” – “I need to beat this person’s ass again!” or “My reputation completely depends on destroying this Hanzo for one more match.” Jooheon wasn’t really into gaming as he actually sucked at anything related to hard competition, but he was glad they usually played in groups with some of Hojoon’s internet friends. They won most of the times against strong parties, and he couldn’t really complain when he was carried as Mercy - plus it was funny to see his brother flame people and talk rubbish into the voice channel.

Sometimes playing was a good distraction from college-related work, annoying parents, and just moments when he felt like not talking to people for some reason.

Though, it was almost 10 p.m. when he noticed what time it was after getting sucked into eleven more matches, and just a few hours before he promised himself to not be late again on Jackson, like how it had happened this morning during Literature class and a few other times, but he was already breaking his promise as they had to meet around 9.

When he arrived at the party, almost thirty minutes had passed, and along the way he even lost his brother somewhere into the mess the dorm had become for that festive and liberating night at the end of midterms.

“I’ll help you search for your friend,” he said with a smirk before disappearing, without giving Jooheon a chance to answer, as the younger twin would have probably suggested that they look for him together, since his phone was basically dead in its electronic grave at this point. Hojoon knows what Jackson looks like, Jooheon talked about him and showed him their countless dumb selfies they took during classes, so he’s sure his brother will be able to recognize him… But if they can’t communicate in some way, how can they meet? He can’t stop his mind from thinking about those comic strips with different characters chasing after each other, opening more and more doors without being able to come across one another.

Jooheon slides his lifeless phone into one of his black sweatpant’s side pockets and keeps looking around in search of familiar faces, still everything seems to be the same on every dorm floor - people dancing, drunk people dancing, beer pong matches, and yep, just more people drinking and dancing - Ah, if only he could chug down drink after drink like everybody does and be carefree. With just half of one of those he knows would start to ramble about random stuff (nobody would want to know how bees could actually recognize human faces) and dance in every possible awkward way, unlike Hojoon, who has the tolerance of a devil (or at least that’s what people say) and can drink straight for an entire night, ending it though with a massive killer hangover in the morning that Jooheon has to take care of...

He is about to change floor and go up the stairs when he sees his brother coming down from the same stairway as he zips his fly up, buttoning his pants with a smug look on his face. His parted hair, which had been styled so effortlessly, is now completely messed up into a dark tangled nest, the laces of his combat boots halfway tied, and his black shirt slightly rucked up to show a slight outline of his hip bone.

“Had fun?” Jooheon asks when Hojoon sees him and stops for a moment, probably thinking about what just happened, before keep going down the stairs with a now tensed smile.

“Uh, nothing special really-” He starts saying, stopping then in front of him at the end of the stairs as he fixes himself, sliding down his black shirt, “but I haven’t found your friend and this party sucks…sooo shall we go?”

The younger twin pouts, furrowing his brows as he looks at his older brother with defeat. “But hyung, we just arrived! And I- “

“Yes, you promised him and everything,” Hojoon imitates him with a slightly more high-pitched tone than his own, completely it with an exaggerated eyeroll, gesticulating in an exasperated mocking way. “By this time though, he probably went back to his dorm since you had to meet him almost-” he then looks down, annoyed at his own phone, the time showing up on the lock screen with a simple tap of fingers, “-two hours ago.”

Jooheon finds no fault with his reasoning as he catches himself sighing loudly, head slightly drooping, lolling to one side while glancing at his brother sideways, with all the sadness in the entire universe at once.

For sure Jackson is mad at him right now, thinking about how blatantly careless his friend is or how stupid he is when he’ll tell him about the phone charging problem. Like, what kind of irresponsible adult forgets to charge his phone when he knows it has 10% of its battery left?

He kind of regrets now playing Pug’s Quest during afternoon classes, but after some time he had to occupy his mind differently as some sort of a break, since he couldn’t really focus for more than forty minutes straight at his teacher’s boring tone without seeing double or getting a headache.

He definitely needs to apologize to Jackson soon, he thinks, sighing loudly again.

Hojoon, knowing him better than anyone else, comes closer and graps his lukewarm hand into his own colder one for a moment, before pulling him lightly into the direction of the hallway which is even more crowded than where they’re currently standing.

“Come on Jooheonie, let’s go home.” He pulls again with a bit of more strength. “You’ll see your friend tomorrow.”

Jooheon just nods silently, looking more most miserable than he ever has while following his brother around, hands still locked together, and Hojoon can’t stop himself from letting out a small amused laugh at seeing him react like that.

“Hyuuung, don’t laugh at my pain!” a pleading whine comes from behind him, making him laugh even more.

“I’m sorry, your face is just too funny,” the older twin shakes his head as he tries to contain the amusement Jooheon always causes with his childish behavior – even if his younger twin thinks the same of him (and whenever that happens they can’t help but physically ‘fight’ about who’s the stronger one. Hojoon always wins by pinching ruthlessly Jooheon’s thighs, ending up as maybe the more childish one, but definitely the winner).

“Then your face is funny too.”

“Did you just sass me?” the older twin asks glancing back at Jooheon for a moment, before he keeps pulling him through wasted people overdoing the celebrations just a bit too much, as only the midterms period passed. It wasn’t like it was finals ending.

“Maybe.” Jooheon murmurs with a small smile, following his brother through the crowd…Oh. He stops for a moment in front of a bulky and muscled guy, and with his free hand he grabs the plastic cup in the guy’s very intimidating grip and chugs it down in one fast go. A deep “hey!” can be heard from above, but when Hojoon drinks the entire cup, he only replies with an overconfident glance, chin tilted up in a manner that seems to dare the man into saying anything else.

At that look, no more protests can be heard, and the older twin pulls the younger one again into a silent march aimed into getting them out of here.

Before leaving, Hojoon throws the empty cup somewhere into the writhing mess, satisfied.

End of the first chapter

Second Chapter: Here come the regrets

“Hyung, I’m worried,” is the first thing Jooheon says, pouting as he plops himself onto Hyunwoo’s lap.

The older man blinks, glasses slightly skewed over his nose, as his English report is entirely replaced with Jooheon’s sullen visage. A pen dangles halfheartedly from between his thumb and index finger, the next sentence more or less forgotten. The warm weight in his lap wriggles needily, and he sighs internally, dropping the pen with a light clatter as Jooheon scooches further and further up along his crotch. Hyunwoo wraps his newly freed arm around the younger boy’s waist, hiking him up to his chest (like a baby, his sleep deprived mind coos), keeping him still against his lap. Jooheon pouts again, but he ceases his squirming and plops his head softly against his boyfriend’s shoulder, nuzzling at the threadbare t-shirt there. Hyunwoo makes direct eye contact with the other’s wide, puppy-dog gaze, and he swears something is melting within him. Most likely all his internal organs, but Jooheon tends to have that effect on people.

“What’s up?” he asks simply, stroking a hand over the curve of the younger’s sweater-clad waist. Jooheon smiles at the gentle touch and takes to wriggling again, burying himself in the other’s all-encompassing warmth as he settles into story-mode.

“So, Hojoon, my brother you know-” Hyunwoo nods sagely at Jooheon’s questioning tone, and the younger continues, deeming it satisfactory, “he’s been coming home with a lot of...bruises.” Hyunwoo watches Jooheon press his pink lips open and closed, a perpetual sheen shining across the soft curves, and he almost doesn’t register the implications behind the younger’s murmured statement. When “bruises” and “Hojoon” finally register in his distracted mind, he physically jolts at his realization. Hojoon is Jooheon’s perfectly identical twin and the idea of him covered in bruises...well, Hyunwoo’s mind is certainly going places.

Jooheon’s voice pierces through his haze, and Hyunwoo blinks back into focus only to see genuine worry in the younger’s eyes. “I just, he started dating a new guy recently…” Jooheon sighs, gaze wandering, cheeks bunching as he tries to find the right words, “and he always comes back the next morning with um, hickies? But like-” he gestures with his hands, grasping for an image Hyunwoo can’t see, “they’re always so intense I end up calling them bruises in my head…”

He trails off, eyebrows scrunched in a light furrow, and Hyunwoo presses his thumb over it, smoothing out the wrinkle with a gentle swipe. “Who is your brother dating again?” he asks, bouncing his legs and jostling Jooheon in his lap, attempting to dislodge the frown from the younger’s face.

“Um-” Jooheon’s voice hitches with each bounce, and he pouts up at Hyunwoo to stop. The older man muffles a chuckle against his cheek and ceases the movement, patting affectionately at Jooheon’s waist. His boyfriend scooches up against his chest, resituating himself in Hyunwoo’s lap before muttering, “Kihyun, I think?”

Kihyun. Hyunwoo knows that guy: round cheeks, pinched mouth, always ready to yell at someone somehow. Also, he goes around with a head of bright pastel pink hair. Hyunwoo shrugs because hey, at least he rocks it better than the students from the art department. Hyunwoo has passed him in the hall a few times, and other than a casual nod, they don’t talk at all. Basically, he assumes he’s an alright guy, if not a little uptight.

He voices his belief out loud, pressing it in a whispered kiss against Jooheon’s curtain of bangs. The scent of soft baby powder unfurls into his nose, and he nuzzles deeper into messy brown curls. He’s pulled out of his reverie when sweater-clad hands yank at his neck, and he’s met with Jooheon’s round cheeks, puffy and flushed with dissatisfaction. He sits up straight, hands flapping over Hyunwoo’s back as he tries to make his point.

“But, but bruises hyung! Bruises! I don’t want to question him, but...don’t you think it might be unhealthy?” He lips curve out again into a pout, and Hyunwoo’s heart does a row of backflips all the way down from his chest to his stomach.

“Jooheonie, I think,” he pauses, considering his words carefully, “it’d be best if you asked your brother directly instead of assuming things here with me.” At the younger’s unmoving pout, he presses a chaste kiss over soft lips before pulling back with what Jooheon calls his “half-moon smile,” humming a light “okay?” as his final nudge for the younger man to do the right thing.

Jooheon sighs, deflating against his chest, before stealing a quick, sweet kiss from Hyunwoo’s lax mouth and springing out of his lap. “Thanks hyung,” he smiles, pecking the older man’s cheek on his way out, a hopeful spring in his step.

Hyunwoo waves until Jooheon is disappearing behind the door frame and turns back to his English assignment, drooping back against his chair as a wave of lethargy instantly overtakes him. He forces the pen back into his cramped fingers and continues the lost sentence, lips and cheek still tingling from the force of Jooheon’s casual affection.

Hojoon rummages for his apartment key, shouldering wayward bags of groceries and books up from his fatigued arms. The key fits into the lock after much stubborn jamming, and he pushes roughly into the room shoulder-first, paper bags shifting loudly against one another as they slip at the sudden movement.

“Fucking-” Kihyun swears, muffled, as he fumbles at a wall of flesh, scrabbling down tensed thighs that encase his face completely from all sides. There’s the heady taste of salt and something more dripping down his mouth, but there’s also the distinct lack of air flowing through his currently crushed nose. He claws again down the curve of Hojoon’s bare ass, digging his fingers into the soft flesh there, knowing exactly how the marks will look on the other’s backside in the morning and not regretting a moment of it - not when he’s actually choking from his boyfriend’s very supple and heavy weight.

He audibly makes a noise of distress when said weight only bears down even harder, crushing with the force of a two ton truck against his cheekbone as Hojoon grinds down without mercy against his spluttering mouth. Alright, enough, Kihyun may love it when his partner makes him lose his breath during sex but to the point of absolute suffocation? That’s a discussion for another day entirely (safewords!!! the last functioning part of his brain screams).

He says it just so as he musters every ounce of strength back into his jelly limbs, launching the scorching inferno off of him in a sudden toppling motion, gasping air into his soaked mouth like a drowned man. Which, to be honest, he almost did...under the absolute wonder of his partner’s thighs that is. Again, absolutely appreciated, just no literal choking please.

Hojoon doesn’t seem to get the message though as he rolls onto all fours in a perfectly unruffled landing. Like a cat, Kihyun thinks, replaying all the videos of children dropping their cats from terrible heights just to see them land upright without any trouble. Even still, after landing like a cat, Hojoon follows through with the attitude, glaring over at Kihyun’s gaped expression with a cocked chin, legs coiled tense against the bedsheets. Silence ensues and in his oxygen-deprived brain, Kihyun almost expects the younger man to begin grooming his curled black locks in a prissy manner.

Hojoon only glares harder, turning so that his back is entirely facing the end of the bed before yanking a blanket over his bottom half. There goes the fresh laundry of the week. Not that Kihyun expected anything on the bed to last after tonight, but what with the way Hojoon is cocooning himself with that goose down blanket...it’ll be awhile since they use it again.

“Quoting you,” the younger man begins, still sulking darkly as he rests his cheek on raised knees, “ ‘Please fucking choke me with your thighs, that’s how I want to go tonight.’ “

A sharp heat pulses through Kihyun’s gut at hearing his own explicit words uttered out loud, and he presses his lips together into a thin line. Hojoon arches a neat brow at his silent reaction and scoffs, turning his glare to a loose feather stuck among the bed sheets instead. “Don’t tell me you regret it now...”

His words trail off, and the atmosphere between them immediately chills, filling with a kind of murky lull where all Kihyun can discern from Hojoon’s errant sheet-tracing is a tinge of quiet bitterness.

#happycakewrites

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cutegirlmayra · 8 years ago

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The way you portrayed Amy's father in your chaos kingdom AU was just precious ~

No, it makes sense… -scratches head and looks away- I actually um… there’s a fanfiction I’m going to do with Amy’s backstory, there’s two different backstories I have for her, but the one I’m thinking about is her Father who doesn’t approve of Sonic.

That’s not quite what you wanted though, so I think I’ll pass on that story and just do what you’ve given :)

So, in otherwords, this prompt has nothing to do with what I’m planning to do later with the two backstories, lol!

Prompt:

Amy, before Sonic, lived in a rather wealthy home. However, being the only girl, she was trained rigorously to one day marry and bear strong, intellectual sons.

Now, with being raised like that, you’d think Amy would- well, for one, hate marriage and kids, and two, scorn her life and be a rough-and-tough girl.

But she actually was very kind, gentle, and meek. She would do everything in her power to not let her anger slip, and her memories of her mother’s soft nature always inspired her to be a good house-wife, have kids of her own, but be sure to-

Now this was a big thing to her.

“Marry who I choose!” Amy stomped her foot down, as her father rotated in his chair, loomed up over her, and placed his hands behind his back.

“What?” he almost spat out.

She feared disappointing her father, and often made him, at least… somewhat pleased with her progress, but there was a moment she realized he’d never be happy with her, and so this was the day she was putting her own foot down.

“I refuse to marry someone i don’t lwove.” in her cute little girl voice, she tried to close her eyes confidently, place her hands on her hips, and stand up straight.

She felt a rush of wind and guarded with her hammer, seeing his hand had almost connected into a deadly assault.

Her eyes teared up, as she looked up at him.

“Lwove? Heh.” he removed his hand, “Excellent block, but poor footing. You think you could ever find a man who’d take you alone? Without a dowry? Without any amount of grace, pristine, or class?” he walked around her, as she felt her self-confidence in herself slowly decrease into a pebble on the sand.

“Please… As my only daughter, you will inherit nothing. I need a man whose willing to put up with you to run my business and give me and my clients a good future! You will continue your training… but you will do it under my watchful eye, my guiding assistance, and under no circumstances can you even dare have a say in these affairs! Is that clear?”

Amy squinted her eyes shut, her fists forming tight balls as she tried to not cry in front of him.

“But-”

His leg came up this time but she skillfully flipped back to dodge it, “IT’S MY LIFE!” she raised her voice, before taking off and shoving the door open, racing down the hall and jumping to her bed, hugging her stuffed toy of Sonic, her one true hero.

“Why can’t he save me!?” she cried out, pulling the stuffed toy away from her, “Why can’t you save me..”

“I’ll have to save myself!” she got up, wiping her tears, and holding Sonic out in front of her. “I’ll have to run away.”

Taking off in the dead of night, Amy ran till she met some traveling gypsies, some were friendly… some…

Were not.

“How much do you think they’d take for a little girl?”

“Oh, she’s a cute one! Definitely a good pint of gold!”

“You nit-wit, don’t count your money like your drinks!”

The men laughed, as Amy shivered, afraid, not used to battling anyone that wasn’t trained to let her win.

She remembered the words of her father, and wondered if all she was good for in this world was simply just money…

The world seemed to rotate on money… but then.

“Snakes and slithering beasts have better tastes than you three!” A woman, hobbling with a long purple, decorative cloak on came out, her nose long but the only thing that revealed the woman could have a face.

Her hair was also seen, completely covering whatever the hoody didn’t cover, as her long nails reached out to the girl, then swiped them away and turned to the men. “I’ll raise her as my assistant. I need a good cleaner…” she grabbed her by the arm and dragged her over to her hut, up on top of a wagon.

Amy was treated kindly, and even learned a lot from the fortune teller, who read her many beautiful things about her future.

“…That doll you have there… where have I seen that face before?”

Amy held up her doll of Sonic, though it was barely being held together anymore. “He’s my hero.”

“A hero..? Hmm…” She took the doll.

“Hey!”

“Now, now… don’t you want a love spell?” she held up a finger, offering her a great deal. “I do know voodoo, you know…heh-heh…”

“No!”

She was amazed by her response, raising her hunch up to show how long her neck actually went. “No? What kind of ungrateful child says no to a perfect love spell!?”

“The kind that… that believes she can have a man fall in love with her without one!” she wasn’t certain of that, but she pulled the doll back into her arms, and said it with only a little restraint.

She hugged the doll close, as the woman seemed to be fond of what she had said.

“Child.. then I shall put a spell… on you.” she rotated her hand over her crystal ball and poured some magic potion over it. “Hobble-de-gobble. Meser-Heser-luu… You shall be irresistible to all eyes, and all eyes… be on you!” she blew some smoke into Amy’s eyes, as she waved it away.

“There… now when you fall in love, the man will be crazy not to love you too!” she laughed, “But it will be his choice, nonetheless, whether he resists the enchantment or not.” she leaned back, shrugging and turning her head away, showing she was still going to give Amy her wish.

And respect it.

Amy nodded, smiling, before taking the tarot cards the woman offered her and heading to the tarp’s flaps, where the exit was.

“And where are you going?” the woman sounded like she genuinely was surprised to see the girl attempting to leave. “There is a world of strife, painful longings, and great sacrifices out there!” she clung to her chest, to show more effect in her words as she described it.

“But like you said,” Amy grinned, finding courage. “If I want to fall in love, I can! But I can’t do that with traveling gyspies!” Amy jumped off the racketing, moving wagon.

“You’d have better luck traveling around and meeting many fine men…” the woman hacked a raspy laugh, but nodded that the girl was smart in leaving. “Fair thee well. Let weather be clear, and skies obey my chant. Birds flutter, let her soar. Lizards crawl, but let her stand. May the wind cease it’s harsh cold and turn warm upon her shoulders. And for all the glories of the flowers, let her petals never loose their vibrant glow. Ha-choo!” she sneezed on the end, and rubbed her long nose. “Eh, whatever. She’ll be fine. Not like she actually believed any of my hocus pocus, heh-heh-heh.” she laughed.

Amy, completely believing in the hocus pocus, ran under a tree and performed the ‘magic’ tarot card selection.

As if the fates had her in their sights, the wind blew at just the right time, and the only card flipped over was the one she wasn’t going to reach for…

it said.. Destined.

Leaving the doll behind with the tarot cards, she climbed the chains to the Little Planet, where the public television had stated Sonic and Eggman were at.

She hit away scary robots, though was thankful they were small enough that she felt she could, and finally met up with her hero.

Years later, she took a deep breath in front of the doors of her father’s now ruined business.

After tracing her steps, hugging her old fortune teller friend’s granddaughter, and pacing her way back home, she never thought she actually do it.

She had run away from her friends, just to confront her past.

After seeing Tails do it, she thought she might as well try.

She knocked on the doors.

The echo showed the truly hopeless state in which he was probably living.

She opened the door, “Hello?” she was grown now, the house looked smaller than she remembered.

Not hearing any servants and seeing the furniture all laid with white tarps, she figured he may have left or even died.

Mourning a bit as she walked around the old home, painful memories of a terrible childhood, forced with torturous training of both body and mind, she rubbed her arm to try and keep her brave.

She came to her room, seeing the childish toys and getting excited over long-lost doll friends being seen again at last.

Then the door slammed.

She turned around to see an elderly man, leaning on a cane, still covered in the same darkness from a pitch-black suit as he had always been.

“F…Father?” Amy stepped back, as the man drew closer, and raised a cane up.

“YOU…DARE COME BACK-!?” he threw his cane down as she rolled to dodge.

She gasped, seeing the bed break as he turned around, stumbling on his feet.

“I’m a… a…” she had rehearsed this meeting a thousand times in her head,… but somehow, she hoped it would be different.

She stood up tall, taking in a big, dusty breath and stomping her foot down, mimicking the day she ran away.

“I’m not a child anymore! I’m a hero now! I save lives, planets even! I fell in love and I made a future for myself! Are you still not proud of me?!” she knew the answer, “Because… Because I don’t care!” she started to cry, tearing up.

He growled, and raged a powerful cry as he ran to attack her.

She ran out of the room and ducked her head as he broke the railing of the upper stair case, and she had to quickly dash down the stairs as he chased her.

“You think I care about glory or fame!? I care about how you left me ruined! Penniless without a proper heir! I lost everything! Everything!”

“Even me?” She turned around, as he held his cane in the air but didn’t move.

“You lost me. Or was that only second to losing your company?!” she waited, moving from foot to foot…

He shook his head around rapidly, and slammed his cane down.

She flipped back, just like she remembered how to do, and then took her hammer and slammed it up at his face, knocking him down.

Her anger filled her, but her tears of sorrow at never having the family she originally longed for pained her spirit as she stepped back.

“No… this isn’t right.” she shook her head, “I’m not the monster you breed me to be.” She threw her hammer down and away from her, as his raging eyes caught it, and then turned back to her.

“I am… not your daughter. I’m mother’s daughter.” she stated with pride, and held her head up.

His eyes widened, seeing her mother in her…

“…You… You’re just as…” he was about to say something that could change everything, but shook himself out of it, “RAHH!! You’re just as small-visioned as your mother!!!”

She stepped aside, as he ran himself off the staircase.

“…I’m irresistible.. if you’d only had let yourself give in to your better nature.” she turned her head, but dared not look down into the darkness where he laid.

She walked over and picked her hammer up, before collapsing to her knees and crying profusely, covering her face as she did so.

As if on cue, a shadow loomed over her.

She looked up as a cane was raised high, but a spinning noise came and a blue blur knocked the cane out of his hand, having him reel back from the force.

“Ah! Sonic!”

Sonic unspun, and turned to the man, kicking him down by his legs and forcing him to fall on his face.

“Run.” Sonic looked seriously to her, as she nodded and got up, racing to the door.

The man looked up, glaring at Sonic, as he slowly turned, hearing the man’s words.

“She’s nothing without her past…”

Sonic slowly leaned over the man, before shoving his hand to his head, and leaning closer in.

“She’s everything without you.”

The man’s eyes widened, shaking in their rage and realization.

“…I know you’re kind.” Sonic’s eyes were covered in shadows, his voice deadly to the sound.

“And I’m surprised she even came back to try and make amends.”

He let go of his head, seeing the man wasn’t going to try anything, and walked to Amy.

Outside the door, Amy grew furious with Sonic.

“Why did you follow me!?”

“…” he just stared at her, and folded his arms.

“WHY!?”

“You were there with my mother. Now.. I’m here with your father.” (referencing an old prompt lol x)

She stepped back, deeply touched before running into his arms, crying.

“I don’t want to be like him! I don’t! I don’t!”

“…Then don’t.” Sonic let her cry, but didn’t hold her back.

This was a war she had to fight within herself, and he couldn’t interfere.

When they got back, the team wondered what was wrong with her for a while, but she stayed silent about it, merely saying, “I am the last Rose, but I will not fall.” And that was that.

(Dark, not what I like writing at all, but I based it off of what you wanted and I hope you like it.)

#sonic #amy rose #sonamy #ish?#eh?#sonamy prompt #sonic prompt

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d00dt00nz · 4 years ago

Video

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Obligatory promo stuff at the top because it sucks and I hate it and let’s get it out of the way! follow me on twitter where I’m active, check me out on spotify for music, or like my facebook for sparse updates on music stuff. Thank you. The Cover art is by Ellie Tison

We're on the homestretch. It's just this song and a last one!

This song is one that I have a lot of feelings about, but it's a little bit hard to put them into words. It is probably the most self consciously “artistic” thing on this album, but I'm not sure how to talk about it so I'll just start off by going back to the beginning (actually a long time before the beginning).

At some point, I knew the album needed a slower, sadder song. I was really into the music of Randy Newman at the time and wanted to write something like something off of Randy Newman's Sail Away. I think that album sounds unlike anything. He just sounds so broken on there. It's got an incredibly minimalist arrangement [here I want you to increment a counter and make a nostalgia critic “bing” noise]. It's just strings and piano, and neither of them is playing anything too busy. It's got Randy Newman's tired voice over the whole thing talking colonialism, slavery, environmental disasters, and eventually how he's started to hate God. It's tremendously powerful and moving. Anyway in my hubris, I tried to do something like that and obviously it didn't work out so well. The arrangement was okay, and the chorus was okay, it just had really really bad lyrics outside of the chorus.

For a while I tolerated it, and it stayed on as an album candidate for a long time. Over time I became more and more unhappy with it. I re-wrote and re-recorded vocals for it a few times but never got a version that I liked. Still, I kept it in because the album needed a song “like that” on it. Things stayed like that for a few years until a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago I was listening to a Beach Boys podcast at work. They were part way into their 15 hour analysis of Pet Sounds (that number is real). I was lapping up every second. Like many, I consider Pet Sounds to be one of the best albums ever recorded. I have 3 different remasters of it on my computer, and on my birthday I'll usually treat myself by doing a very close listening of the FLAC Super Audio CD version of it using a pair of expensive headphones and my DAW as a soundcard. I encourage you try something like that out. There is such an incredible sense of space and color in that music. It feels like you can move through the sonic ether and see each of the layers upon layers of incredibly dense music. It transports you to a different, much more beautiful, world. It's like heaven.

Obviously I don't really afford myself that luxury while driving around listening to hours and hours of podcasts at work (If I hear the phrase 'I heard this thing on a podcast' escape my mouth one more time I'm going to sew it shut). There's a ton of things to unpack though, so I really gotta recommend it. In this case, they were talking about the Pet Sounds song Don't Talk Put Your Head On My Shoulder. They played Brian Wilson's original piano demo of it and it stopped me right in my tracks. I had just pulled into the work driveway, but I was unable to leave the car listening to it. It was insanely haunting and insanely beautiful. I literally thought about the short clip all day. I don't think that Brian ever actually managed to outdo that demo, even with the recorded version. It's so simple but is filled with so much color and feeling. Every direction it goes is unexpected, but feels so right and natural at the same time. In a much larger sense of hubris than even before, I thought “oh man I want to write something like this”

That thought kind of simmered in my brain for some time. I was probably (very probably)“going through some shit” at the time. I think people get these really doomed lofty ideas when they're going through some shit. I met a guy at a party a few years back. His mom was a lawyer. He was a mess. It was late into the night (early in the morning) and most of the guys there were in the angry/paranoid/passed out stage. Me and him were on exactly the right amount of drugs to have a very friendly and sociable experience. My music was playing on the speakers. He kept telling me that it was fire. I kept talking about... well, I think I just kept talking. The guy would later send me a text inviting me to what he called an “Andy Warhol's Factory style party”. The guy would later punch somebody's parent and disappear for a while. I don't know. I wasn't really friends with him. Anyway, what I mean to say with all of this is that I think we all get the urge to do something grandiose and insane when we're in a bad place. From my experience, it takes a lot of tempering and compromise to prevent it from becoming an “Andy Warhol's Factory style party”.

In this case I was lucky to be able to channel a lot of what I was feeling into lyrics. It was another instance of lying awake at night, rolling over, grabbing my phone, and just cranking it out (I'm talking about the song, not jacking off). These instances are like gambles. I always spend a while thinking to myself “is this going to be worth it?” because it ends up meaning you lose about an hour of sleep in the time you spend writing it – and ask my girlfriend, my sleep is sacred. In the end I was glad I wrote the lyrics. I ended up tweaking them a little to fit the meter of the song, but they're mostly as I wrote them.

Musically, I had a pretty good idea of how I wanted the song to go as I was writing the lyrics. At some point the next day I sat down and painstakingly pounded out the chord progression. My main goal was to write something that mixes up major and minor chords in a natural, but smart way (like Pet Sounds lol). I intentionally kept the arrangement pretty small (unlike Pet Sounds lol) so that you'd be able to hear the individual chord changes more. Maybe this was an ego driven bad decision. Maybe this was me exercising some kind of restraint. I still don't know. For the chorus section I got kind of lazy, I admit. It's mostly fine, I just think in retrospect it'd be really cool to have a sparse military snare doing little fills in there. I only thought about this after the song was finished, but I still think about it.

The vocals were done late one night when my parents were out (when everyone was out). I'd recorded saxes and backing vocals earlier on another song and was feeling pretty good. It's rare that I get a good recording session in nowadays what with work and adult life. I decided I'd take a shot at doing vocals for this. It was the last thing that needed to be done for my album. I recorded them sitting down, which is actually bad practice and something I don't usually do, but I thought maybe it'd allow for a more intimate sound and some more control over my falsetto. It took many many tries to get things that were on pitch, and I knew this song would be a wash if I wasn't extremely in tune most of the time. I was maybe a little bit more stoked than I should have been at the end of the process, but I'm still pretty happy with the melody. There are a few parts where my doubletracked vocal performances get out of sync and it kills me to hear. I really really hate it. When it works though, it works.

I think writing this song forced me to think in a more musically experimental way, which I've been slacking on for a while. I'm pretty happy with the result, and hopefully this will bring back some kind of drive to be a little more creative with my songwriting.

#music #baroque pop #beach boys #randy newman #songwriting #Music Production #seriously you gotta listen to that demo man #even if you dont listen to my songs #but also you should listen to my songs

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natkat-140 · 6 years ago

Text

National Coming Out Day

I’ve always known that I was attracted to women. I grew up with a lot of my girlfriends saying things like “omg I would become lesbian for Angelina Jolie” or like “that girl in our math class is so hot, if I was into girls I’d date her.” As a teen, I heard about girls making out with other girls, and it was just a thing that happened. Like, straight girls making out with other straight girls. It felt like it was commonplace for straight women to be sexually attracted to women. (What?) Five, ten, and fifteen years later, I found out that most of those friends of mine who said those things ended up coming out as lesbian or bisexual. Haha. Anyways, at the time though, even though I was attracted to women, I saw my “straight” friends saying that they were attracted to women, and I was like oh ok, I guess I’m straight too.

Additionally, most of the time I wasn’t as attracted to women as I was to men, so I felt like I couldn’t rightfully claim to be bisexual. Some days I liked women more than men, some days I didn’t like women at all. I thought that it had to be fifty/fifty or nothing. I didn’t want to say I was bisexual when those feelings towards women were often less-than, and sometimes absent.

Over the last year or so, I had done a lot more research about the queer community and what different labels meant and how I could be a better ally, because, you know, I was straight. I found myself closely identifying with certain descriptions, and light bulbs popped up when I read about how sexuality is a spectrum, and that sexual attraction can be fluid. And while I mostly have been attracted to cis men and women, I’ve also found myself being attracted to transgender actors - both male-to-female and female-to-male - and people who identify as non-binary or gender fluid. I’m still figuring out what the proper labels would be for how I identify, and experience will help with that. I’ve never had a relationship with a person that wasn’t a cis male, so I’m open to learning more about myself. But for now, I say that I am bi+ / pansexual (TL;DR description is basically that I don’t discriminate romantic, emotional, or sexual attraction based on what body parts a person was born with or what gender, if any, they identify as.)

I had really, really wanted to go to Pride events this past summer. I wanted to be a part of all the joy and love and support and wonderful togetherness of the queer community. I even showed up to a couple of them, but because I wasn’t fully “out,” I felt like a fraud. My guilt and anxiety and shame got the best of me so I left the events after only 20 minutes or so of being there. How can I be proud when I’m not out? How can I claim that I have pride when I’m too scared to tell my parents? How can I come to this kind of event and disrespect all these wonderful humans who ARE out, who DID face their fears, who CAN be proud of their actions; how can I stand beside them and pretend that I’m one of them?

Elana Rubin wrote a lovely little piece on celebrating when you’re not out, which you can read in its entirety here, but I’m including this excerpt now:

“You should remember that just because you're not "out," you're no less queer or no less deserving of a space in the community. If you identify somewhere along the LGBTQ+ spectrum, Pride Month is just as much yours as anyone else's – there are no certifications to prove your queerness to gain celebrating a month that is simply yours. So don't feel pressured or the need to come out in order to be "validated" to celebrate Pride Month. Just being yourself warrants celebration enough during this monthlong appreciation of queer folk, so you should join in however feels comfortable to you.”

I wish I had read that before today!

My coming out experience has been over a long time. First, I casually came out to some of my friends here and there over the last year or so.

A friend would ask “So, have you met any guys lately?” referring to my dating life.

I’d answer “No, I haven’t met any guys, no ladies either.”

“Hah… wait so you like girls?”

“Yeah. And guys too.”

“Oh. Cool. Where do you wanna get lunch?”

I was glad that it didn’t have to always be this big spectacle. Not to say that my sexual identity wasn’t important to me, but it took a lot of pressure off of me to be able to just mention it rather than have like a formal meeting with people individually or to come out to everyone all at once over Facebook.

I came out to both of my brothers a few weeks ago. Honest to goodness, I thought they both already knew or at least had some inclination that I wasn’t entirely straight. I was nervous to tell them. Not because of fear that they wouldn’t accept me or love me; I knew for a damned fact that they would fully, unequivocally support me and love me, just as I would them. I was probably nervous because it meant that I was one step closer to telling my parents, which I actually was scared to do. Telling my brothers went just as well as expected and they expressed their love and support and it was wonderful and they are wonderful.

I shared this information on a Saturday night in-person with one brother, and on Sunday afternoon with the other over the phone because he lives far away. When I was done with the phone call, I was at home reflecting on how well the interactions went with both of them and how excited I was to tell my therapist that I came out to them and then I was suddenly overcome with a fucking weird-ass mix of panic and relief and regret. Yeah, I was really confused about what I was feeling. I sobbed and sobbed and screamed into my pillow and I got up and grabbed my keys to leave and then realized I shouldn’t drive so I threw my keys across the room and I cried more and I stood there alone in my room, frantically looking around for help, and actually yellied out-loud “help me!”

I don’t know who the fuck I thought I was talking to or what kind of help I needed, but I was freaking out. I thought about calling some of my queer friends and asking them for help, but again, I didn’t know what the fuck I needed. Like what would I say? “I had a really positive and personal experience with two of the four people in my life who love me the very most and they still love me the very most and it was awesome and nothing bad happened! Wahh!” Hahah, yeah. Basically. I dunno. Anyways I cried for like 2 hours and then I was fine. I can’t even imagine what I would have felt if it hadn’t gone well.

Coming out to my parents was something I had talked to my therapist about, and he helped me feel comfortable about not telling them until I was really ready. I had also considered not coming out to them unless I became seriously involved with someone who didn’t identify as a cis-man. After a little while, though, I realized that I want to continue having a close relationship with my parents, and that I wanted to be able to be my full, true self with them, so I decided that I would tell them, at some point, soonish. I had planned on having a session with my therapist where we talked about how I should approach it and what kind of steps I should take to prepare for it and what positive coping strategies I should have in place in case it didn’t go well and it was going to be this whole, well-thought-out production. That didn’t end up happening at all!

Yesterday I picked up my dad from the airport. When I dropped him off at home, we were about to hug goodbye, and I felt this strong urge to blurt out “I’M BISEXUAL!” Fortunately, I had the self-restraint to NOT do that, lol. I told him there was something I wanted to talk to him about and then I felt like I had to vomit and then I started back-peddling and thinking of other things I could talk to him about that would warrant me saying that I wanted to talk to him about it so that I wouldn’t have to talk to him about me being bisexual. I had considered how I thought he might react. I thought that most likely, he would just say “ok,” not be able to look me in the eye, tell me he would pray for me, and then maybe avoid talking about it ever again. I thought maybe, maybe, it would be possible that he would get mad and disappointed and ask God why and ask me how I could do this do him and at the end he’d tell me it was ok because he knew it was just a phase and that I’d come to my senses soon enough. I dunno, I had never really talked to my dad about how he felt about queer people. I’ve never heard him explicitly condemn that lifestyle, but he is Catholic, and I used to be Catholic, and I know what the Catholic church teaches about queer lifestyles.

He invited me into his house and told me to have a seat while he put some things away. I walked in and looked at the chair which was way too far away from the door that I thought I’d have to bolt out of when he didn’t take the news well. I didn’t sit down. He put some things away, came back out, and again said “have a seat.” I didn’t, and I walked closer to the door. I told him, “I thought you should know, I’m not entirely straight.” He nodded his head and said gently and sweetly, “Okay.” I kept going, trying to do prophylactic damage control, explaining how I’ve known this for a long time and it doesn’t change who I am and I still feel the same about relationships and love and intimacy and it doesn’t make me a bad person and - before I could even get like, halfway through what I was going to say, I’m guessing he saw my eyes constantly shifting and avoiding his gaze and he heard my voice starting to tremble and that I was tripping over my words and he placed his hand on my shoulder and said very reassuringly, “nana, it’s okay, God made you the way you’re supposed to be, and I love you for being you.” wHAT! Oh. OH! He hugged me and said “I love you” and I was overwhelmed with pleasant surprise and relief that he not only still loved me but also accepted that this was a part of who I am and I started crying and I said “thank you” and he said “no, you never need to thank me for loving you.” Which totally didn’t make me cry more.

I figured since I came out to my dad unexpectedly, I should probably tell my mom too. I went over to her house and I told her there was something I wanted to talk to her about. She told me this worried her. I assured her everything was fine and we could talk about it later. We chatted and laughed and she gave me some pumpkin spiced rum and a pair of shoes (thanks mom!). We both had appointments that we had to leave for, so it was a little bit rushed, but when we were hugging goodbye I told her, “Mom, I’m bisexual. I thought you should know.” She looked at me blankly for about 2 seconds, then her face lit up, and she said “you like girls?!?” I laughed, said “yeah, and guys.” She frowned, and said, “isn’t that too much?” I laughed again, and then she laughed, and said “Okay banano, you can’t change who you are and I still love you. Just don’t date anyone shitty, I don’t want to see you crying unless they’re tears of joy. Does your dad know?” I told her about our interaction and she was stoked just like I was.

I wasn’t as nervous about telling my mom because she’s always had gay and lesbian friends, and I was living with her back when Prop 8 was a thing, and we talked about gay rights when she had seen me gearing up with “NO on 8” signs to go protest it. I still certainly felt like I should prepare for her to not be stoked, though, because like my dad, she is also Catholic. Both of my parents probably grew up being taught that being anything but straight was wrong and punishable by an eternity in hell. I figured my mom would likely accept it, but that there still might be the possibility of her being like “yeah I’m okay with my friends being queer, but not my own daughter.” But like my dad, my mom is rad. And I am stoked.

However, I completely recognize how unbelievably fortunate I am to have such loving and supportive family and friends. So, SO many people are not anywhere near as fortunate. Not everyone who wants to come out can do so safely. Not everyone who does come out is welcomed with love and support. Which is why visibility and community and allies are so important. Sharing intimate details may not be for everyone, and that’s completely fine. But, I will say, that when I’ve learned about others’ personal lives and certain details about them (most relevantly, regarding sexual orientation and mental health issues), it has helped me. It helped me feel less alone and more empowered, which is why I’ve been sharing about mine these past two days. It’s a funny coincidence that yesterday was mental health day and today was coming out day, and those two have played a large part in my life lately.

Anyways, the following websites / accounts may be helpful for those queer people who feel isolated or unsafe or who need assistance after coming out.

https://www.thetrevorproject.org

https://www.pride.com/

https://www.hrc.org/

https://www.aclu.org/

https://www.glaad.org/

http://www.pflag.org/

http://www.noh8campaign.com/

https://itgetsbetter.org/

Instagram:

@queertraffic

@operationwarmwishes

#nationalcomingoutday #comingout #queer #queerpride #lgbtq #lgbtqpride #bisexual #bisexualpride #pansexual #pansexualpride #comingoutday #national coming out day #coming out #queer pride #lgbtq pride #bisexual pride #pansexual pride #coming out day

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alwayshidinggg · 7 years ago

Text

Thoughts

that night:

So wow that was a lot, did I make good decisions? I don’t really care. It felt nice to have someone hold my hand, stroke my hair, and just hold and be near me. I haven’t had that since Michael... And even then, for the last year of the relationship I hated when he touched me, even if it was just a touch on the shoulder. I think Gavin realized he likes me now. He wouldn’t have done that otherwise. Unless Caroline is right and he is just a player. The way he acted makes me think maybe he’s not as innocent as I thought he was... He said he’s never been in a relationship but I wonder how many girls he’s been like this with. He didn’t seem clueless that’s for sure. I wonder if he realized how much he turned me on. His hand kept going higher and higher, and I wanted to see how far he would go. It took all my self restraint not to grab him and start making out. I’d like to think that I have decent self control. If we were in a relationship I don’t think I would let him be so handsy, just because I’m scared of what it would lead to if I know that he likes me back. Its just because I was trying to see where this was going that I was willing to go along with everything. But honestly, I think if Carlos hadn’t been in the room I probably would have gone along with anything Gavin wanted. I wonder what Robin thinks lol. In the car, he just sat there as Gavin had his hand resting between my legs, and I had my arms wrapped around his arm, and my chin on his shoulder, face pressed up against his neck, and he rubbed his cheek against my head. My lips brushed up against his skin. I was going to intentionally kiss his neck but then I got nervous. Like what if I was reading the signs wrong, and that’s not what he wanted. But I mean like he wouldn’t have done any of the things he did tonight if he didn’t at least kind of like me right?

Saturday:

I have no idea what he wants. I guess things are just normal? He seemed awkward for the first 5 minutes when we hung out today, like he wasn’t quite sure how to act around me, but then everything seemed to go back to normal... Does this mean he doesn’t like me back? I’m not sure. I think he acted very coupley today. Sharing drinks, sticking close together even when we were with other people. Elle says she felt like her and Robin were the ones third and fourth wheeling when we hung out on Thursday... I didn’t think we acted like that on Thursday, but I definitely think that today we did. Or at least in my mind. I have no idea what he thinks. He didn’t even seem to think there was anything to talk about. When he left the cider festival and I said I had wanted to talk, he was just like oh talk about what? So I guess this is just he doesn’t want anything to change? Or what? Its kind of funny that I know him better than some of his friends here. Or at least that I could get his questions right. I can’t believe he drank that much. I really hope he’s okay... He looked pretty bad in the snapchats I got from Robin, so I hope he’s alive tomorrow. I can’t believe Wes got him that drunk. I’m kind of mad at him. Why did he keep asking where I was? Did he want me to go over to him? Does he only like me when he’s drunk? Or is he just looking to have someone around? I don’t actually mind being the one to just hold him and take care of him when he’s drunk... I like him so much, its fine if he doesn’t like me back, I’d do anything for him to make sure he’s happy. Even if its just when he’s lonely, or when he’s drunk that he wants me, that’s fine with me... Everyone says I need to guard my emotions, and these are the exact things I should avoid. But honestly, I can handle the pain that might come later. I just want to be with him... I didn’t feel this way before, but now after I got a little taste of it yesterday, I don’t really care if he was just drunk and that’s why it happened. I want to be next to him... He said to tell Matt he’s sorry for stealing me. So that means he recognizes I ditched my friends for him right? Idk. When I went to visit, I felt kind of awkward. Is it bad that I had wanted to talk to him while he was still a little tipsy because I thought he would be more likely to say that maybe he does like me back? But then I got there and saw him, and he looked really sad and tired... When I saw him, a lot of emotions came up, and when we hugged, I almost started crying into his chest. I could feel the tears coming, but then Robin came so I stopped. And then when we were in his room, and he came and sat next to me on the bed, I wasn’t sure what we were at, like I wanted to put my head on his shoulder, but I have no idea what he wants. And then he said he was tired and lay down on the bed. I wanted to reach and and rub his leg, but yeah I have no idea what he wants. And then when I texted him asking if anything changed, he said idk. So there’s some hope! He recognizes that he can’t deny somethings was different. I had told Matt that if he said no, nothings changed, then that’s it, I’m cutting the friendship. But his idk means he knows we crossed that friend boundary last night. So now I just have to wait and see if its he crossed that boundary but regrets it, or if he crossed that boundary and he actually wants something. Either way is fine, I just want to know, but I guess I’ll have to wait until we talk sometime later...

Sunday

Why does he know my birthday, but he doesn’t know Wes’s? That’s really interesting... I mean the fact that he’s knows my birthday must kind of be a sign right? I didn’t even know his lol... I think he just wants things to go back to normal. We’re acting like Friday didn’t even happen... Which is okay I guess. Maybe we should just ignore it. If he doesn’t like me back, then talking about it again is just going to ruin everything... But at the same time, Friday he definitely did not act like we were just friends, he definitely seemed like he liked me. Even Carlos said yesterday that he’s pretty sure Gavin likes me back. I have no idea if Gavin talks about this at all with him, and I can’t tell when Carlos is joking around versus being serious, but Carlos kept saying that I’m Gavin’s girl, and I’m referred to as “his girl”. And LOL at the fact that he still said if I get tired of Gavin, or Gavin is too boring or doesn’t “know how to do things” (insert some sex joke here), then I can call him up for someone who’s much more experienced... Do I come across as someone who gets with a lot of guys or something? That’s kind of interesting because I’ve never done anything, not even kissed anyone besides Michael... Which is why it really gets to me that I crossed some physical boundaries with Gavin... If he doesn’t like me, then I feel like a fool. That I let him do that when he doesn’t even care. Maybe it didn’t mean anything to him, but it meant more than a lot to me. And now every time I think about him, all I can think about is the way it felt to have his fingers running through my hair... Or the way my head fit so nicely on his shoulder with my face against his neck... Or his hands on me...

Monday

wow. I’m pretty pissed that Gavin just blew me off, and didn’t even give me a heads up. Like he could have at least said something. Does he not know how much I was stressing out about the conversation all day long? I’ve literally been praying and talking to people and stressing non stop since we agreed to talk tonight. But hey he apologized for it... So I can’t stay mad at him for too long... At least it gave me time to talk to Elle and really get her opinions before I talk to him tomorrow. I don’t like David’s advice at all. I don’t know how to tell him that I’m not going to listen to him. I feel like he’s being too judgmental... I know he means well, and I’m glad I have someone in my life who can speak to me when he thinks I’m going astray. And yeah, I would agree that hanging out with Gavin has led me to drink a lot more than I used to because Gavin likes to drink often. I think it’s only because I had those conversations with David at the beginning of the year about how I have the same standards of drunkenness as him, and so he knows that I am getting drunk and don’t seem to have a problem with it. I’m definitely going to cut back on the alcohol for sure. But like I don’t think its as bad as David seems to think it is. Also we haven’t talked about how our faith is going recently, so I don’t think he’s in a place to judge where I am with that. I will agree that the past few days I’ve been struggling, and yeah maybe Gavin is being a distraction from that, but I think its the fact of the chase of Gavin is hindering me. I honestly do think that being in a relationship together could help us both to grow more. As of right now, I don’t think I’m in a place with Gavin to be someone who speaks truth into his life and talk about faith, but mostly because I’m a person who likes him and he doesn’t like back in that way. So while I can open up to him about a lot of things, I can’t talk about my faith with him because that’s giving away too much to him spiritually. Yes I would want to pray with him, but even doing something like praying together means a lot. Like I can do that with Matt and other people, because emotionally I can give to them without it being weird because its understood that we’re just friends, but that’s just a little too much to give to him... I do sometimes wonder where he is in his faith though. I’m definitely not perfect, and I have a lot to grow in, but it would just be nice to hear a little more about him, and the ways God has worked in his life. I know he told me he hasn’t had any crazy stories, but that’s fine. I would agree that it seems like he’s struggling a little this semester. But I’m in no place to judge him or where he stands in his faith, especially as I’m still really trying to seek God.

David’s advice: Don’t talk to him anymore, he’s not treating you right, he’s being wishy-washy, and no matter what that’s not good. If he doesn’t like you, then he literally just treated you like trash, as someone that he can just act however towards, because he knows you like him. If he does like you, then he should’ve said something, before just acting on it. This physical part came out of nowhere, probably just because he was drunk, and he can’t control himself.

Matt’s advice: See what he has to say first. I think he’s like me, he doesn’t know what he really wants, he’s not looking for anything serious, but if there’s a girl in front of him that he knows likes him, then he’s gonna go for it, just because he knows he can.

Elle’s advice: See what he says first. He obviously cares a lot about you, and to me it seems like you guys are really really close. He probably doesn’t want to lose that, and is scared of what’s to come.

in the middle of the conversation:

WTF do you mean nothing has changed. That’s not the way someone treats someone they only see as a friend. Now I feel like a fool. Good thing I didn’t kiss him on the neck that night. But maybe I should’ve because that was my one and only shot... Why isn’t he answering any of my questions? I’m still in shock. I don’t know how to act anymore. What does he want me to say? Like WTF. That’s all I can say. I guess he’s just going to sit there. Is he really not going to say anything? I thought he had prepared for this conversation. I specifically asked him if he needed more time to think things through and talk with people, and he said he’d try to answer most of my questions. But like why isn’t he answering me at all? What did he think we were going to talk about? Did he think he could just say oh nothings changed, I think we need more boundaries? No, I need to know what’s going on. You can’t do something like that to someone and then not say anything. What exactly were his thoughts?? The fact that he just keeps saying he doesn’t know is frustrating. You definitely know what you were thinking, so what aren’t you telling me? Are you scared to tell me? I feel like we’re good enough friends that you can tell me anything, so why aren’t you saying anything? I’m not going to judge you for anything you say. Are you scared to hurt me? Is it you like me a little bit, but not enough to pursue a relationship with me, so you don’t want to say anything? That’s fine, but just freaking say something. Is it you don’t like me back, but it felt nice to be wanted by a girl so you were acting on physical feelings and desires? That’s fine too, but just say it. Until you say something, give me some sort of explanation, I’m just going to keep coming up with the reasons why in my head, and I know none of them are right. I feel like the biggest fool in the world. I’m such a dumbass. Like what was I thinking. Why am I such a loser. Courtney did you really think he actually maybe liked you back? Don’t get your hopes so high. This sucks Matt was right. I am such a fool. Is it hurtful to tell him that the biggest reason Matt was mad at me was because I ditched my friends for nothing? But that is honestly one of the biggest reasons why I feel like a fool. I left my friends. For nothing. For a hopeless situation. To look like a fool. To get my hopes raised and then crushed. Why...? I could’ve hung out with my best friends. I could’ve had a fun night. But instead I fucked up. I honestly just feel like a fool. And to everyone else I look like a fool. And to Gavin I probably look pretty dumb and pitiful. Hey look I’m actually crying. I guess some of my emotions are back. I don’t know if he wants me to leave or not, but I feel awkward just sitting here, I should leave... Does he need space to think? Should I wait for him to say something? Is he ever gonna say something? Oh wow he actually looks like he’s about to cry. I don’t know what to do. I’m just going to go to Elle’s...

In the car:

I feel bad. I just left him there. I don’t want him to be sad... I care about him more than anything else, and I don’t want to hurt him. I should talk to him again tonight... Some of the things I said were pretty hurtful. Why did I leave. I should have just stayed. I just want to be near him. My heart hurts. I’m heartbroken.

After second conversation:

I think we can be okay... This friendship means way more to me than I realized. I know I probably should stay away, but honestly I would miss him more than I can imagine. I’m looking forward to Toronto, looking forward to hanging out some in LA. If we’re not friends, idk what I would do... He’s my best friend right now. I feel so comfortable with him. I’m glad we kind of smoothed things over. This next week is going to suck... Idk how to not talk to him. Do we even need to do this? I think we can just go back to normal... Its going to be hard, but not talking is going to be even harder... I feel bad that I made him sad because he thought I was pissed at him... I feel like crap. I didn’t treat him the best in that conversation this afternoon... Talking to him seemed so normal so comfortable. I’m glad we seemed like we were okay and back to normal. Dan is mad at me for continuing to talk to him tonight even though we’re doing the one week of no talking. It can start tomorrow. I’m just gonna enjoy our last conversation...

Wednesday

I can’t believe I woke up at 8PM. Wow. Emotions. Please go away. Ugh. I feel like crap. What in the world. Wow. How do I feel about things... OKAY WHY IN THE WORLD DID YOU TELL HIM YOU WEREN’T PISSED AT HIM. YOU WERE TOTALLY PISSED AT HIM IN THE MOMENT. That’s why I am journaling now. So I don’t forget my emotions. When I’m with him, I realized I just want to continue that comfortableness. When I really think about it though, I am extremely mad at him. If he really doesn’t like me back, then I’m pissed at him. Why did he do those things. I feel used. I kind of wish I didn’t smooth things over with him. Then at least he would know how hurt I am. I smoothed things over, and now idk if he understands the impact of his actions. Or how much its affecting me. Robin sent me a snapchat of him lying on his bed, and then said now he’s watching stranger things. Is he even going to take this week to think about things? Or is he taking this week to just have space from me, and not have to deal with this mess for another week. Idk. I will write more tomorrow, now I’m pretty tired.

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