#it was court-ordered though and i was too scared to tell anybody what was happening so it just looked like i was throwing a tantrum | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

c-is-for-circinate · 4 years ago

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As promised: let's talk Hades, and how acts of abuse can create toxic environments for everyone around them, and also how people react to those environments--and to them being disrupted.

(For reference, I have just kicked Theseus's ass for the first time, it was exactly as satisfying as it was intended to be, and then I got predictably slaughtered a couple of chambers into Styx. Spoilers for everything through that point, but please no spoilers in reblogs/comments for anything after that!) Also, TW for a whole lot of discussion of abuse, particularly verbal and emotional abuse, and abusive familyworkplace dynamics.

Okay, so. To start out with, Hades is an abusive parent. He engages in innumerable acts of verbal and emotional abuse towards his son, because yep, that's what you call it when a parent constantly berates and belittles their kid for every perceived failure, including the ones the parent themselves could have prevented. Sometimes especially the ones the parent could have prevented. Zagreus failed at his office clerk job because Hades refused to teach him how to do it and then blamed him for not already knowing how. Cerberus tore up the lounge because Hades, who was actually there, chose not to stop him. Hades created, possibly deliberately, and then took full advantage of every opportunity he saw to insult and demean his kid, and the clerk job flashback shows us that he was doing so even before the escape attempts started. I'm pretty sure we're all on the same page here, but: yep, that all constitutes abuse, even if they're gods. Even if Hades has reasons for Being Like That. Even if you think Zagreus seems okay and unharmed by it (which: repeatedly throwing yourself into a gauntlet of violence that inevitably ends in your own pain and death because you're so desperate to escape home, not actually an indicator of someone who's okay). We all good on that?

Cool. Because I'm not really here to talk about how Hades' abuse directly impacts Zagreus right now (although there's for sure an essay in that too). I'm thinking about how it impacts everybody else.

Hades isn't as obviously unreasonable with anybody else in his kingdom the way he is with his kid. When we see him lecture somebody else, it's usually for an actual failure to do their job: Hypnos for literally falling asleep on the job and not doing anything that was assigned to him, Megaera for letting us past her so many time, Orpheus for being a court bard who refuses to sing. His attitude is super confrontational and unpleasant, but on the surface it doesn't necessarily look as fucked-up. Thing is, though, whether any individual act of aggression towards an employee/family member is justified or not (I would generally argue 'not', because aggression towards employees/family members is, y'know, not justifiable)--it's not about the individual acts. It's about the entire cultivated atmosphere of toxicity and abuse.

One of the very first things Meg ever says to us is, "I'd rather be on your bad side than his." Up until that point, we've got no reason to believe Meg has any history whatsoever of fucking up at her job. In fact, we've got plenty of reason to believe she's good at it. She's fiercely proud of it, she's frequently Employee Of The [Time Period], and we've apparently never even met her sisters because she handles her shit herself. But she's still scared of Hades. Dusa, who is an anxious wreck at all times because oh god what if she gets fired what if she gets fired what if she gets fired, in spite of apparently being absolutely exemplary at her job, is scared of Hades. Every single shade in the Hall is clearly terrified of Hades, and it's not because of what he's done to each of them. It's what they've seen him do to other people.

Which is how toxic environments work, whether they're work environments or families. The Court of Hades is of course both, always, with the bonus hell layer of you can't quit even if you DIE. An abuser in authority doesn't have to target you in order to make you feel scared, cowed, and desperate to please them. Humans (and gods who are basically extra-powerful humans) are good at learning by example. The residents of the Court get the picture.

So this Court is a minefield--and everyone except Zagreus is very good at tiptoeing around mines. We see it in Meg, so desperate to do her job well. We see that Hypnos very clearly does not give a shit about anything, but he still makes sure to have a list of excuses ready if/when Hades ever confronts him about failure to do his job, just in case. We see it when Achilles tells us that my ability to help you is constrained by the authority your father gives me, or whatever the line was sixty runs ago when he couldn't let me into locked chambers. The system, such as it is, works, and if Nyx talks to Hades as little as possible, if Thanatos avoids the Court entirely, if Achilles treads very carefully and knows how to keep his head down--well that's just the system, right? That's just how things are.

Even Zagreus seems to have had a role in that system as the court fuckup. He's the kid who didn't have a real job or purpose. He could take the focus of Hades' generalized, day-to-day ire off of everyone else, without triggering some of the more direct and violent ire because the work he was doing didn't really matter (a LOT of Hades' rage-triggers seem to be related to job performance, which means that the people with real jobs are of course the most at risk). And he could do so "safely" (big emphasis on the quotation marks there) because he alone of the court is Hades' actual kid, who's Prince of the Underworld no matter how much he fucks up. If one of Nyx's other kids gets something really really wrong, she might be able to protect them from some consequences, but Hades doesn't have any layer of supposed parental affection holding him back from getting violently furious about it. Zagreus gets a nice bedroom and the abuse is limited to words rather than divine power, and Hades is a dick to everyone but he only occasionally condemns people to eternities of torture, and only for good reasons like refusing to sing when your job is to be court bard, so it's fine, everybody's fine, everything's totally fine, right?

Except it's not fine when everybody is so clearly worried about anything going wrong. And it's especially not fine for Zagreus, who's the person to finally say no. He's leaving, for his own sake, because he deserves better and he's finally convinced he can have it. And that turns the whole system into disarray.

I am endlessly fascinated by the ways this game portrays different characters reacting to this upheaval in their carefully-mapped minefield. It's different for authority figures and peers and servants, different based on how people are positioned in the house under Hades' rule, and it's so spot-on and I love it.

Nyx, for instance, is absolutely calm about the whole thing, because Nyx has power. Hades can't hurt her. Hades can't even really do much against her children, not when Hypnos and Thanatos are gods in their own right. Yes, Hades rules the kingdom, but Nyx owns the land, and she gives no shits about his rages. And it's interesting, too, to see the lines she doesn't draw. The deal seems to be that Hades doesn't fuck with her, and doesn't outright threaten her kids (because Hypnos is bad at his job, demonstrably so, and Hades hasn't ruined him yet), and she doesn't interfere with the way he treats the people around him. She gives Zagreus advice and support and the mirror, but she also doesn't take a direct stand against Hades. He can't hurt her, but he could make life...difficult. She's protected, her position in the minefield is more of a safe viewing platform than slogging through the middle of it, but the mines are still there.

And then we have Achilles, who is one of my favorite characters in the whole game because of how he reacts to this whole situation. Achilles, like Nyx, is so supportive. Every single time you see him he has something encouraging to say. He gives us his Codex, secretly finds us weapons, trained us for years, clearly wants us to succeed. And still he's limited, not necessarily out of fear for himself (though he has to be scared for himself, he knows what Hades does to people who anger him), but out of concern that if he gives Zagreus too much help in one way, he won't be able to provide help at all later. He's still so careful.

Achilles and Nyx are so fucking important to this story because they're the only authority figures Zagreus really has in his life except for his father, and they are so supportive. They're what keep this story from being a nightmare of psychological horror and depression. They can't stop the pressure from Hades and this life in his house being miserable for Zag, but they can give us hope, remind us that Zagreus is still loved. And they have such an incredibly important role when it comes to guilt, which is one of the biggest ways toxic systems maintain themselves.

If Zagreus leaves, what happens to everybody else? Who takes Hades' wrath then? Who becomes court scapegoat if he's not there, and also, who gets punished for his escape? These questions matter, and we see him worry about it! He asks Nyx and Achilles both, is it going to be okay that you're helping me, are you going to be alright, will my father hurt you for this? And they are both so firm about telling him no. No, I will be fine. See, here's the list of reasons about why I'm going to be fine, why my position in this minefield is secure. They make a point of telling us that it's fine, that we do not need to hold ourself back from getting out of this abusive situation for their sake. That is instrumental in Zagreus's ability to keep making these escape attempts without feeling too guilty and worried and selfish to go on. (Another thing that's actually really important in setting up that dynamic--we see that Hades cares about Cerberus, even if he's using him as a pawn against us, and Cerberus seems to be the one figure in court who Hades doesn't get mad at. The dog isn't at risk, and that is really essential in keeping the story from getting too grim.) These people who we care about refuse to let themselves be held hostage to secure our good behavior.

It's also really useful for raising the stakes later in the story--we see Hades arguing with Nyx once or twice, and we see Zagreus feeling guilty about it, but it's also a sign that we're making enough progress to piss him off. After I finally made it out of Elysium on my last run, I came home to find him furious with Achilles in a way that actually makes me nervous, because Achilles does not have nearly as much security in his position as he says he does. (Achilles is such a good teacher/authority figure, because he knows goddamn well what Hades could do to him, and still refuses to let fear for his own situation stop him from helping the abused kid under his care escape his. And no, not everybody has the capacity to do that, but it matters so much coming from the guy who helped raise us. It matters so much. I do not even have the words for how much.)

It's also no mistake that many of the people we find supporting us along our journey are either the people with the most power in their immediate environment, or the least. Sisyphus helps us because what more could they do to me than this? Orpheus is a little wild around the eyes and somewhat disconnected from reality, and he wishes us the best because someone should get what they want and also he no longer gives a single fuck what happens to him. Eurydice has her own cozy little corner of Asphodel, as safe from Hades' rage as anybody anywhere in his realm because she's tucked in such an out-of-the-way middle place she's outside his notice. Dusa is so scared of everything anyway that, crush aside, she isn't any more threatened by us escaping than she is just by her everyday life here. Charon is unfathomable and unstoppable; Skelly literally exists to be a punching bag, and yet he also seems basically immune to pain, no matter what we do to him. There's no threat from Hades there.

So the people most at risk when I flip the world on its ear are the ones who have so much standing that they have something to lose, but not enough to protect them from losing it. Which of course brings us to Than and Meg--who are, of course, the two people who also seem by far the most upset by my attempts to leave.

As authority figures, Nyx and Achilles are constantly reinforcing the message that it's Hades' fault, not ours, if they or anybody else get caught in the crossfire of his wrath. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and it's not my guilt to bear. From Megaera and Thanatos, we get the opposite message--I am fucking with things, I am hurting people, and I need to stop. Zagreus isn't just abandoning them, as a friend or brother or lover or all of the above they're Greek gods who even knows. He's betraying them. They were in this together, as friends or lovers or whatever, but now Zagreus is sending earthquakes through the minefield they both still have to stand in. He is about to capsize this boat in the middle of a thunderstorm, he is fucking with the system, and they're the ones who are going to get most hurt.

I'm so curious how this is going to work for Than, who out of everyone we meet holds the closest role to Nyx's in terms of being sheltered from Hades' wrath. He's the guy who gets to leave, after all, even though he always has to come back. I've seen the least of him out of anybody so far because it took forever for me to get to Elysium, but two things really stand out and I'm so interested to see where they go. One, he really genuinely does care about Zagreus. He wants us safe, he wants us unhurt, the accessory he gives us only grants its bonus if we clear a room without taking injury, he keeps showing up to help. And two, he wants us to give up and go back and recognize how good we had it. Which is SO fucking interesting, considering how miserable Zagreus so clearly was, and how legitimate his reasons for being miserable were.

It makes me wonder so much about Than's standards for comparison. Does he know something we don't about what's waiting for us on the surface, something that might theoretically hurt Zagreus even more than staying down below? Has his life, which apparently allows him more freedom than anybody else in the Court, sucked horribly in ways we haven't seen, and that's why he spends so little time there in the first place? Either of those things is plausible, both of those things are plausible, and yet either one leads to this sense of patronizing, because he refuses to simply tell us. If something terrible is awaiting us, don't give us vague warnings, tell us what it is and let us decide for ourself! If you're fucking jealous because we might get out entirely and you're still stuck coming back here, say so. If you're worried about your mom--and he does bring her up, how could Zagreus turn his back on her like that, does seem to worry for her--then let's have an actual conversation about how many times she has insisted I do this and also how much I love her.

And, right, it's clear that a lot of Thanatos being upset is simply, you were going to leave me without even saying goodbye, you want to leave ME, which is understandable! But, like, he is demonstrably the one god who gets to visit the surface. He's the one person we actually COULD expect to see again. And he is absolutely also upset because there's an Order To Things, and we're fucking it up. We used to be his careless callow reckless friend who could talk back to Hades and get away with it, and now we're not, and everything is changing and we might leave him altogether, and we might leave him alone in that court without us, and he hates it.

Is it a short-sighted, selfish fear on his part? Yes, absolutely. Even if he's not scared of Hades on his own behalf, he is still frightened by what happens if we upset this system--and maybe it's the sanctity of a much bigger system than the Underworld that he's worried about! Maybe it's the whole divine and cosmic order. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect is enabling the abuse Zagreus has been dealing with for however-long he's been alive. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect OUGHT to be overturned, or at least shaken up. But this is what toxic systems DO. They convince the people within them that they have to be maintained, that a broken system that hurts the people within it is far better than no system at all, that changing the world is too scary and too dangerous. And Thanatos wants his whatever-Zagreus-is-to-him to be there, because he loves him and also because that's how the world works, and those things are all tangled up in one another, and that is how relationships are in a messed-up family like this so therefore I love it.

And Meg. Meg, the best for last, my dear, beautiful, furious, bitter, scared angry tired girl. I adore her. I am absolutely never going to date her, because the thing Zagreus needs most in his life hurts her, more directly than anybody else in the story, and that sucks, and it's not Zag's fault but they still shouldn't be together. Meg has taken more injury from this situation than anyone, quite literally as well as metaphorically, and it's not her fault any more than it's ours, but oh boy it has made her lash out and it's awful and it's perfect.

Meg's place in the Court of Hades is unique because she's not dead, not a mortal, not anything other than a god--but she's also not family. Nyx is not her mother. She's very much part of this system, she and her two sisters belong to Hades-the-realm and therefore also Hades-the-king, she can't leave, but she also doesn't have that protection of Nyx watching out for her in the same way. She's not royalty. She and her sisters (if you ask Hesiod instead of Virgil, which seems to be the interpretation the game's going with here) sprang from the blood of maimed Uranus at the same time as Aphrodite, but fuck knows Aphrodite isn't claiming them as siblings. And she can't be fired, exactly, but she sure can be demoted, and she sure can be made miserable in her job. Meg is vulnerable in a way very few people in Hades' employ are. She's a lot harder to do away with than any one random shade, but she's also a lot harder to miss blending in with a crowd.

What's more, she's the one person in this whole mess who is specifically tasked with stopping us from leaving. Hypnos isn't ordered to put us to sleep and keep us in our room. Thanatos can't be compelled or punished if he doesn't hunt us down. Achilles isn't told to lock us up and keep the keys. Meg is the one stationed at the doorway to Tartarus to keep us in. Meg is the one who gets in trouble when we leave. Meg (who Hades knows goddamn well Zagreus cares for, or cared for, who he absolutely knows we used to date) is the one who has to fight us again and again and again. And she's the one who keeps dying.

Again, it's this incredibly fucked-up guilt/hostage situation deliberately designed to keep people from fleeing abusive situations. Meg's insistence on fighting us now puts Zagreus in the position of having to hurt her himself again and again. Now suddenly we're the ones sticking a sword in our ex-girlfriend. Now suddenly someone can point to our desire to leave, to flee, to escape, and say, how selfish. How cruel. How terrible of us to want to go, when we're even willing to hurt the people we love to do it.

Except, right: Hades is the one who demands Meg stand there and stop us. Hades is the one who puts both of us in that position. Meg is also in an abusive situation, and she's willing to hurt us to protect herself. "I'd rather be on your bad side than your father's." It's easy to blame her at the start for being complicit, for being a tool of our father's abuse, for being on his side. It gets harder as the game goes on. I've killed her so many times. There's no way for her to beat me. She knows at this point that she can't beat me. She still fights, every single time, still throws herself upon that spike, not because she thinks she has any chance of stopping me but because she is so damn scared of what will happen if she doesn't try.

In fact, Meg's the one person we have actually seen face consequences for our actions so far, instead of just facing the threat of them. Her sisters are here. Her sisters, who she clearly does not want here, who are wild and violent and who she does not want in her life or anywhere near her, let alone near the job she takes so much pride in. She gets to deal with them now. (Hades doesn't have to deal with them. They're still not allowed in his court. But Meg does.) She gets stabbed, and bludgeoned, and shot, and lightning-struck, and poisoned, and every other thing we do to her. Thanatos doesn't. Nyx and Achilles and Hypnos don't. Bug Meg? Oh yes. Meg pays.

And yes, ok, she is complicit in this system. Everybody is complicit in this system. Zagreus who's trying to escape on his own behalf instead of overthrowing his father for the sake of everyone he'd otherwise be leaving behind is complicit in this system. Pointing fingers and pulling strings of who's more at fault? and who do we blame for this? is exactly how this sort of system perpetuates itself. Your sister always talked back at the dinner table and put everyone in an even worse and more violent mood. Your coworker refuses to work more than forty hours a week so now you have to take overtime to pick up their slack. You're enabling your dad by asking your sister to shut up, you're enabling your employer by working as hard as you do so you don't get fired, everyone's at fault, everyone's to blame, everyone is--

It's not everyone. It's Hades. It's Hades at the root of everything, and probably something big and institutional and fucked-up even beyond him. But even if everyone down in this Underworld does have to be trapped here forever, even if he's trapped here forever, Hades is neither challenging the system that put them here nor trying to make that fate better for anyone else stuck with him. He's just created an entire kingdom of backbiting and misery and people who can either go along with his whims or suffer the consequences.

At this point in the game, Meg is so fucking tired. Every time we run into her in the lounge, hunched over a table, the venom in her voice when she tells us "Do I look like I have anything to say to you?" is so bitter and so exhausted. There was a system, and she knew her place in the system, and it was a system divinely ordered by the gods themselves, and sure it was cruel but that's the literal will of the universe as far as she knows it. She had a role, and her role was vengeance and punishment and violence against those who'd committed the most egregious of sins in life, and there was a point to it, she was the divine deterrent to convince people not to do those things, and that was just, and that was right. The GODS THEMSELVES said so. How do you argue with that? You can't possibly argue with that!

And Zagreus is arguing with that. In trying to leave, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that nothing in the Underworld ever gets to leave it. In disobeying his father to do so, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that what the gods say is LAW. He's breaking everything.

And of course he's not trying to do any of that. He's not trying to destabilize the system at all. He's just trying to get himself out of it, to a place where he feels like he belongs and maybe a parent who's slightly nicer to him than this one. But toxic systems like this one break when the people within them have access to another option. When the kids find a way to actually leave, and not answer the phone, and not come home for holidays, and not deal with it any more. When the employees have the economic freedom to quit. When opportunities granted by education, money, social support, etc etc etc, show up and give people a choice. Even if the option is only ever for Zagreus--he's demonstrating that an option exists. Which is, of course, the one thing the system cannot ever allow.

I really like this game.

#hades game #hades spoilers #C plays stuff #driveby meta attack

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lewis-winters · 3 years ago

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Hi but I actually really want your detailed character analysis for each guy in the Craver interrogation scene 👀

Oh anon, the monster you have unleashed.

Ok so like. This is only one of many of my (often contradicting, bc if I am anything I am a flip-flopping bitch #taurus-gemini cusp) readings of this scene. But it certainly is the most interesting:

Ok, so let's start with the three boys outside of the beating room. Namely, Floyd Talbert, Ron Speirs, and George Luz.

There is only one agitated fella in this frame, and it's not George Luz. George is very secure in himself here-- there's tension lining him and making him stiff and his attempts at humor fall flat, but the fact that he is making attempts at all is a sign that he knows who he is in this moment and he knows what he is being called to do. And that's to distract Tab.

Tab, on the other hand, is struggling with two sides of him. One is the vindictive side that wants to be in the room with the other guys. But that side is largely trumped by his very rational, very Company 1st Sergeant side. He isn't agitated because he wants to join in. He's agitated because he knows he should stop them, and he's right. He should. Though the beating is "justified", the Military Police will most likely not think so. He's 1st Sergeant, he's in charge of most, if not all of the men in there. If the MPs investigate this incident, he will have to be the one to answer for them. And also I just think he doesn't want to see anybody get into trouble. Except he can't go in there and stop them because they have a point, or at least, they think they do. Craver hurt one of their own, and now there is no reasoning with them. Look at who's inside: Bull and Martin and Malarkey. NCOs, just like Tab. None of them outrank him, but they are still leaders in their own right. And if Tab were to go in there and stop them, they'd chew him out for it.

Tab is waiting for someone like Ron to come in and stop it. Because Tab knows he himself can't.

Except. Except. Except.

Ron doesn't stop it. Ron, in fact, enables it.

And this is where we also see Tab start to lose respect for Speirs.

IRL, Winters said that Tab resigned as 1st Sergeant because he kept comparing Speirs' leadership to Winters' leadership, and though the show itself doesn't actually make that the official reason for Tab's resignation in the next scene ("I miss being back amongst the men"), there are traces of it in this scene.

When Ron enters the room, the first thing Tab asks him is "How's Grant? Is he dead?" Speirs bypasses that question entirely for the sake of joining in on the beating, gun drawn.

From Tab's point of view, that means Ron has every intention to kill Craver.

And, of course, if we apply what we know from what IRL Winters told us, that means Tab is also thinking, in that moment; "No, Dick would never do this. Dick would never let it get this far."

And you can actually see that moment of clarity + subsequent disappointment (as well as relief at finding out Grant will live and disbelief that this just fucking happened) on his face here:

Furthermore, this is also the moment Tab (and, by extension, every body else in the room) finds out that Grant is going to make it after Ron tells them.

So not only is Tab thinking; "Dick would never do this. Dick would never let it get this far," he is also thinking "Why the fuck didn't he tell us that in the first place?! If Dick had been handling the situation, we would have gotten the news immediately! He wouldn't have allowed something as risky as this happen!"

And he's right.

But in fairness to Ron, this is probably the first time any of Easy has seen him lose his cool.

Because Ron is actually losing his cool here. This is his "it's my dog!" moment. He let the anger get to him, and therefore he made a terrible miscalculation.

I've already talked about this in this Grant/Speirs ask, but let me reiterate it here:

We (and Easy Company) are very used to thinking that Ron acts without compassion, mercy, or remorse, therefore when we first view this scene, we think that what is out of character for him is not shooting the replacement. We (and Easy, but especially Tab) are wrong. That is probably the most in character thing about Ron in this scene. What is truly out of character for him here is him drawing out the gun with the intention of shooting this motherfucker in the face.

See, one of the reasons why we think he doesn’t act with compassion, mercy, or remorse is because in the first half of the series, we don’t see him outside of the glimpses Easy company gets or the stories they exchange. But after episode 7, he’s suddenly with us all the time, and we see that his advice to Blithe was more of a… miscommunication, in a way.

Act with no compassion, no mercy, and no remorse toward the people you want to protect your men from. But this is where this scene gets complicated. At first glance, we think "ah, yes, he's protecting his men from this replacement."

Except-- there is literally 1 replacement vs. at least 1 squad of men (roughly 9 to 11 men). Why the fuck does a squad of soldiers (veterans too!) need protection against 1 replacement who has not had the same training and combat experience as them? They don't need protection here, they can handle themselves.

Oh, and another thing that adds to this predicament: Ron knows that Chuck is going to live.

Out of everyone in that room, Ron is the only one who knows that Chuck is actually going to live. So his internal struggle isn’t so much “oh I should act with no compassion, mercy, or remorse– but easy company has ~changed~ me.” In my opinion, his internal struggle in this moment, the reason why his hand trembles as he's preparing to shoot Craver, is this: “If I shoot him, I'm not protecting my men. I'm taking revenge.”

Which isn’t in his moral code.

Ron acts with no compassion, no mercy, and no remorse, yes, but there’s a certain level-headedness to him that keeps him in line at all times: only against those he's protecting his men from. Sure, he’s prone to bouts of petty anger sometimes (see in the next scene: More and his photo album), but he never lets that get in the way of his judgement (see: More didn’t back down, but neither did he do so in a disrespectful way and Ron recognized that, therefore he conceded his own defeat and didn’t punish More). He does what is necessary in the moment and never takes it beyond that.

But Chuck’s shooting drives him to the point of wanting to take revenge. He enters that room, gun drawn, with all the intention of shooting this motherfucker in the face. He knows it's a bad move. But he does it anyway. And him entering the room with his gun drawn enables everybody else. We, as an audience, have to remember that what they are doing is illegal and is very, very punishable by military law. Also: beating someone up like this, no matter how fucking vile, isn't the right thing to do, either. But sure, the MPs might be gracious enough (or if a certain Nixon is generous enough to tip them to look the other way), to let them probably get away with it on account of saying that the replacement tried to fight them and they simply fought back (yes, that does sound like rhetoric used to excuse police brutality; isn't that what this is in a way?). But if Ron pulled the trigger? If Ron had actually killed him? That would have been fucking bad.

It's not a Captain's job to enable his soldiers to do something illegal that'll most likely get them court martialled and/or killed. It's a Captain's job to protect his men. From their opponents, as well as from themselves.

In this moment, Ron is not doing that.

I know we like to get all vindictive and be all like "yeah that's what he deserves, this is justice!" but this isn't justice. This is revenge. And, again, revenge is not part of Ron's moral code. If only because revenge, more often than not, gets people killed instead of keeping them protected. If he shoots Craver, that will not only implicate him. It will implicate everyone else in the room.

He realizes it here:

Ron only comes to his senses when he already has the gun trained on Craver's face. Portrayed beautifully by Settle, might I add.

... This is a reach on my part, but I think his next movement is very powerful-- idk if it was written into the script or if this is just something Settle decided to do, but after he wipes the blood off and he turns away, Ron then takes his hat off. Which to me invokes in me the image of a king taking off his crown, or an executioner taking off his hood. It's almost as if he's relinquishing his authority in this moment-- not over Easy (since he does give them an order literally seconds after he takes it off), but over the right to be judge, jury, and executioner.

He recognizes that he did a whoopsie.

You know who I think also recognizes it?

George fucking Luz.

Look at his face. Look at his fucking expression here:

This is the face of a man who knows the what ifs and the could haves. He's put two and two together and he's pissed.

That's why I think another layer of him staying outside isn't just to comfort Tab. It was self-preservation. He still had his wits around him at this time-- arguably he and Tab are the only ones thinking straight in this moment; it's no coincidence that it looks like he's looking at Tab here-- and a part of him believed that Ron would, too. Except, he didn't. That's why he's angry. Ron came up short.

Or idk, I could be projecting, I mean I would be pretty pissed off in his position. Pissed at Craver, but also pissed at Speirs-- if my Captain, my leader, the guy I trusted decided to do something reckless like that and put all the lives of my fellow soldiers on the line simply because he wanted revenge or simply because he wanted to scare people and therefore get a grip over the situation, I would be angry, too. Remember, Speirs has a layer of protection, somewhat. Probably wealthy family, some wealth squirreled away. Not to mention he's a commissioned officer less likely to be used as a scapegoat. These men, everyone in that room, are enlisted working class men. Most likely, they don't get the luxury of a scapegoat or a tip off or bail. Had Speirs gone through with it, they'd have a body on their hands. And if the family of this replacement pushed, the MPs will no doubt pick someone in this room and pin it on them. Or hell, they'll take everyone, punish all of them, and then execute several. They were just lucky this replacement didn't actually have anybody on his side.

This was dangerous. But Ron let it happen. He didn't protect them like he promised he would. And to some degree, George and Tab know that.

Although, I can argue, everybody in this room realizes that. Except, they realize it too late.

They realize it the second Ron pulls the gun.

I've said it before, in this ask right here, that Liebgott flinches in this scene. Which is funny, considering when Ron enters the room, he's the one who's most in Craver's face. Him and Babe. Which is understandable, considering the three of them were close, as can be gleaned from the Last Patrol. Of course Lieb and Babe would get dibs on Carver's face. Of course they're the ones who get to bloody them up good. Carver shot their best friend-- of course they're angry. Liebgott especially-- I feel like this is the episode where he lets all his anger out. For ep 1 - 9, he's fine. He's funny and jovial-- a little irritable, especially in the Last Patrol, but only at Web, really. And not even by that much. What he mostly is, is tired. And that's it.

But this is after Landsberg and after the mountain top, too. He's angry and he has no outlet. So of course he's the one getting the most hits on Craver. And when Speirs enters the picture, he's delighted in some way. But it doesn't last.

At first he's watching Speirs (as beautifully depicted in this gif set), he is the only one watching Speirs. Then, Craver is pistol whipped and held at gun point and what does Joe do?

He flinches. Babe also flinches. And then they, and the rest of the room, look away. They all look away. From Bull to Babe to Johnny to even Pat and Popeye. Frank physically steps back. Malarkey literally closes his eyes. The only one looking is More. It's almost like the weight of what they have done has finally sunk in for all of them.

But, it's not enough to spur them to stop Speirs. In fact, except for Malarkey, they turn back to look.

Because, like Speirs, the need for revenge is pulling them toward this need to see this replacement die. But unlike Speirs, they don't know if Chuck is alive or not.

And that's where it gets Yikes. And in a way, maybe Tab is right. If Dick had been in Ron's position, 1) this replacement would have been given to the MPs immediately, and; 2) Grant's safety and the news of Grant's safety would have been the top priority. And though that would have not quelled their anger, they would have at least been comforted by the knowledge that Grant was going to live.

Listen, Ron abides by the same code of honor Dick and all the other officers abide by, and he has held up that same code of honor many times. In different ways and through different methods, yes, but always with the same goal in mind: protect. Always protect.

But not here.

Ron did not give them the comfort of knowing Grant's status and he put them in a dangerous situation. He did not think of them first. No doubt spurred on by his own trauma and his own simmering anger and lack of a proper outlet, a proper enemy to take it out on, he was blinded by his rage and simply thought of himself and his revenge. Not his men.

Ron slipped up. They're just lucky he caught himself before it got any worse.

#band of brothers #bob meta #oh ron honey this isn't a good look for you #ronald speirs #floyd talbert #george luz #joe liebgott #babe heffron #just those bc they're the ones i zoom in on the most #tho everybody gets a sweeping mention #ask

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palettes-and-prompts · 5 years ago

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Yandere Prompts

Dialogue Prompts

1) "Stay away from Person A, I'd hate to see such a good looking face get all cut up." 2) "You shouldn't be with them. You should be with me, I'm the only person who loves you. They don't love you, they just want to use you." 3) "I would never use you like they do. I care about you, don't you see that?" 4) "They haven't helped you like I have. They don't deserve you, I deserve you." 5) "I've been here the whole time, listening to you, watching you, taking care of you when you don't take care of yourself. I'm the one you should be with!" 6) "I know these ropes hurt right now but you'll see, once you calm down and stop crying you'll see everything I've done for you and you'll come to your senses." 7) "You wont leave?" "Why would I leave? I'm happy here with you. It took me a while but seeing all the things you do for me, how you'd never hurt me like all the others did. I don't want to leave you. I love you." 8) "I made you a special drink, I know you've been stressing yourself out worrying about how to get Person A to like you so I made you this because I know you forget to take care of yourself." 9) "They're amazing and wonderful and cute and so incredible. And I can't let you come between us. Ever." 10) "You will stay away from them or I'll break into your house while you're sleeping and carve up that pretty face of yours." 11) "If you ever hug them again I will break off your fingers one by one and make you eat them." 12) "Missing? What do you...Person A? Are you saying you had something to do with that?" "They got in my way. They got in our way." 13) "They wanted to ruin our relationship. I couldn't let them do that!" "What did you do?" "What needed to be done." 14) "You killed them, didn't you?" "I was protecting you from them. They wanted to take you away from me." 15) "I could never love someone like you." "You don't know what you're saying. You're upset with me about killing them. I understand, you're just saying all of this because you're upset." 16) "They can't love you like I can. They're selfish and they hurt you and they make you cry all the time and I? I would never do that to you. Don't you see that? I can make you so happy. You don't need them. You need me." 17) "You have to let me go. My friends, my family...they're gonna worry about me. They'll send people to find me." "They wont find you here. We're so far underground that there's no cell service. There's no way anyone will find us. I've made sure of it." 18) "You're really scaring me. Just tell me where Person A is. Okay?" "Person A? Why would you want to know about them? They did nothing but treat you like dirt. They cheated on you all the time. They hurt you! 19) "I know you wouldn't hurt me. Just let me call them, they'll worry if I'm gone." "You just want to call for help, you're trying to get away from me to go back to Person A." "No! I want to stay with you. But if my friends and family don't know where I am they'll think something bad happened to me. Let me call them. I'll tell them how happy I am, how they don't have to worry. I'll call Person A and tell them it's over. That I only want you." 20) "I will kill anyone who tries to take you away from me." "No one will take me away from you. Okay? I'm all yours. Just yours. So just put the knife down and we can talk. Just talk to me."

Regular Prompts

1) A and B have always been friends and B's always been a little possessive of A but it was never anything dramatic or scary. A just thinks of it as B watching over them. When they meet C at a party and start spending more time together B doesn't like it but A reassures B that C's a good person and, when A and C date, B starts getting a little scarier and starts messing with C and breaking into their house, taking things and making C look like a terrible person and making them self look like a saint. But when A ends up believing C, B realizes they're going to have to do something to make sure C stays away from A forever. 2) A's always had a thing for B and to anyone else it looks like just an unrequited crush. But when C befriends A they start noticing just how much A looks at B. But it isn't until they find photo albums full of just A and person B that they start to get a little worried. A finds out C's seen them and gets embarrassed telling them they've always been a little bit obsessive when it came to B, that they don't keep anything like toenails or anything weird. They're just pictures of them growing up together. C shrugs it off since A doesn't seem weird. But then they start finding receipts and written notes of B's location, but when they find the hidden camera in B's room that's when they tell B. (Bonus if B already knows and that's why they don't date A or B lets them keep the camera in the bedroom because they told A they would if A stopped following them everywhere.) 3) A and B start dating and B starts receiving threatening letters and phone calls and when they tell A, A already knows and tells them it's Person C, someone who's been stalking them for years. They tell them C has been ruining every relationship they've ever been in because they're obsessed with them. B gets a restraining order against Person C and tells the police about everything. They tell them they're nothing they can really do until Person C does something. When Person C starts breaking the windows of Person B's home that's when they decide this has to stop and that Person C, whether A helps them or not, is going to die. (Bonus if Person A's already packing shovels when B tells them.) 4) People have been murdered all over town who look just like Person A, a detective. Person B, their partner starts worrying for A's safety more often and one day when they go to talk to a witness A asks to go to the bathroom and Person B stays and chats with the witness who's nothing but smiles and is very kind to both of them. After A leaves the bathroom they tell B they got a tip and have to leave. When they get in the car A immediately calls for back up, startling and confusing A. When the police arrive they arrest the witness and Person A takes them to the room beside the bathroom where there's nothing but pictures of B and a small wall with pictures of A with their eyes cut out and everything. 5) A receives love letters in the mail that are romantic and sweet but don't have a return address. They begin to get them every day and when it's a holiday they get little gifts and everything. Person A is a little vain so even though it's a little odd they don't think too much about it and "obviously it can't be a weirdo. They're always nice!" But A starts losing a few things, nothing expensive, hair brush, underwear, socks. Person B insists they stay with Person A for a while to watch over them. A is reluctant since they don't really get along with B but when the window downstairs is broken with a brick that says "Get rid of THEM" referring to Person B, A thinks B might be right. They decide to stay at B's place and soon they develop a relationship from working together and sleeping in the same bed when A's scared, which just makes this stalker more upset. They contact the police a few times and when they get a finger in the mail, police are watching the house 24/7. (Bonus if when they catch the person it's someone they're close with, make jokes with all the time because they work together.) 6) Murders start happening in town and A is concerned by the fact that the victims look like them. They end up having their neighbor B constantly walking them everywhere and the two begin to get closer than ever. When A goes over to B's place they end up finding a lot of news paper articles clipped out of the victims and they begin to fear B. When B catches them looking they get embarrassed and explains that they were just trying to use the detective skills they've sort of got from watching crime shows to try and figure out who the person might be. A doesn't believe them completely until one night they're walking home together and they're both almost killed by Person C. 7) A and B have been casually dating for a while and A doesn't think it's gonna work out so they break it off with B. A thinks that's the end of it but when they try to date C they get letters and phone calls and texts from B telling them that they're meant to be together. A files a restraining order and things go well until A and C get closer. And then that's when the break-ins start. 8) A and B are friends until A starts to notice anyone who's remotely interested in A suddenly wants nothing to do with them. They're all terrified of coming near A, which they don't understand. But when someone tells A that B is threatening people, sending creepy notes, stalking, getting violent with people over them they decide to confront B about it. Person B is confused and insists they're not hurting anyone or threatening anybody. A believe them until they catch them in the act. When A breaks off the friendship B begins to stalk and call and break into their house, taking things and insisting that A not ignore them anymore. (Bonus if this leads to one dying by the other's hand.) 9) A attempts to court B who politely refuses their advances because they have feelings for someone else. This destroys A and soon they're doing everything to find out about the person B likes, Person C, and figure out how to make their life a living hell to win A. (Bonus if they're so good at sneaking that C thinks Person B is responsible for everything. It's only when something big happens that they realize Person A is behind everything.) 10) A sees Person B in a coffee shop and thinks they had a moment when it was nothing but a smile that lasted a few seconds. They soon begin to stalk B and figure out everything about them, only becoming more and more in love with them. They do a lot of things to get closer to them and soon start hurting potential competition in a way that they don't get caught, all while being polite every time they see B. When B begins to like them A is overjoyed and decides they'll make sure B stays theirs and theirs alone. (Bonus if Person B has no idea about A for the entire time until the very end, OR they never find out how crazy A really is.)

Not used to writing dark prompts so I don’t know if these are good but hopefully you like them, anon!

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stevesnailbat · 5 years ago

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fighting feelings | steve harrington x byers!reader

REQUESTS USED:

hi!! could u make a steve x byers!reader and they’ve been like ignoring their feelings towards to each other but then they start to fight against the russians and get all worried about each other idk if that makes sense but pwetty please 🥺

If you have time would you be able write a Steve x reader where the reader was there for the starcourt battle and Steve confesses his feelings for them after it's all over and it leads to steamy things? Only if you have time though!

warnings: mentions of abuse/torture, not really angst but kinda angst, soft!steve, kinda sorta steamy at the end with more implied things

word count: 2.1K

a/n: sorry if some of my description is a little off, I didn’t want it to be extremely long, but here it is finally! enjoy ya’ll :)

Steve Harrington was the kinda guy every guy wanted to be, and every girl wanted to be with. His ego used to be as big as his hair, but that all changed after Jonathan won a fight against him. Y/N was halfway proud of her brother for winning a fight, but it also confused her when she heard it was with Steve. She told herself that it was weird to like someone who dated her brother’s girlfriend before he did, but she couldn’t help it. She never thought she’d have a crush on someone like him, but there she was.

There she was, offering to take Will and Lucas to the mall for the third time that week. Of course, they wouldn’t pass up a free ride to the mall or a chance to get some free food from her, if she felt nice enough. The boys ran to the car when she asked them, fighting for the front seat as she got ready to walk outside.

“I’m going to the mall, Jon! The boys are coming with.” she called to her brother, who was just getting home from his summer job.

“Again?” he asked, his head popping around the corner of the hallway to raise an eyebrow at her curiously.

“Yes, again. I’m hungry, they’re bored, why not?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders.

“Does this have anything to do with a certain boy in a fake sailor suit that works at the mall who you may or may not have a crush on?” he implored, smiling when a blush crept up on her cheeks.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t like anybody!” she said with a tone of fake shock in her voice, shaking her head and waving goodbye at her brother who knew her too well. “I’ll be back!”

“Ahoy there! Back again?” Steve said jokingly as he watched Y/N walk into Scoops. “I’m surprised you don’t have some children with you.”

“I paid for them to get into some movie, so I’m stuck at the mall until that’s over.” she said with a shrug as she walked up to the front counter and leaned over it.

“Well, I guess I can get you your usual order, my treat. Since you’ll be stuck her for a while.” he said with an amused smile on his face when she frowned back at him.

“I have money! I can pay for myself, Harrington.” she protested, digging into her purse for the money.

“No, my treat.” he insisted, starting to make her cone. “As long as you come help me and some friends with a little something.”

She knew she shouldn’t have said yes, but that damn smile on his face drew her in every time. Sure, she was falling for the big-haired dingus, as Robin called him, but she would never admit it to anybody who asked solely because she thought he would never fall for a Byers kid.

Steve knew everything she had been through in the last two years, and that scared her. He treated her like she was made of glass, like she would break if something too hard happened to her. Every little noise would make her jump, he couldn’t imagine getting close to her. She had been through too much, and he knew that it would be hard to make a move on the girl who was already scared and emotionally unavailable. But, there he was, falling for her from afar.

Saying yes to helping him ended up being a little more complicated than she expected. Cracking the Russian’s code was the easiest part of the operation. The next day, she found herself stuck in an underground bunker with Dustin, Robin, Erica and Steve. She had a gut feeling that they were stuck in another Upside Down situation when they plummeted so far down in the elevator that it seemed like they were at the Earth’s core, and she was right.

Their time stuck in the elevator started with her holding onto Steve when it shot down like he was the last thing she would ever touch. After getting out of the elevator, they tried to brush it off like it was nothing, like it was just out of fear.

“Dude, Steve.” Dustin said, his voice barely above a whisper as he pulled Steve to trail behind the three girls.

“What?” he whispered in reply.

“She totally likes you.”

“Who?” Steve said with a furrowed brow as the boy pointed to Y/N. “No, that was just—She was scared! And why is that what you’re worried about right now?”

Steve focused on how she acted towards him after Dustin suggested it, and was utterly confused. She shied away from him and kept her responses short when he talked, presumably because she was resisting the way she really felt about him. Walking towards the base in the long hall seemed like a quick trip to her, her mind was elsewhere. Her thoughts bounced from her attraction to Steve one minute to if Will and Jonathan were safe the next.

The next thing she knew, she was being pushed through the rooms of the base after Steve had knocked out one of the guards. Steve and Robin were holding down a door that Russians were trying to push through, telling her, Dustin and Erica to leave. She stood frozen in front of him for a moment, only shaking her head. She didn’t want to leave them there, she was afraid of what would happen.

“Y/N.” Steve said harshly as he grabbed her hand to get her attention, he could tell she was dazed from the whole situation. “I need you to go with them, okay? We’ll be fine.”

She only nodded in response and he squeezed her hand reassuringly before she was pulled in the other direction by Dustin. Her and the two kids eventually made their way back to Steve and Robin, saving them from the fate she didn’t want to think about. Everything between leaving and saving them was a blur, the only thing she felt was the lingering feeling of Steve’s hand in hers. She helped the kids navigate their way to the drugged teens and helped pull them out of the room.

“I can drive, Dustin.” she insisted when they got to the cart, trying to grab the keys but he pulled away.

“No, I will. We need to go fast and I’ve never been in the car with you when you’ve driven more than ten over the speed limit. Now get in the back!” Dustin snapped back, and she threw her hands up defeatedly before climbing into the caged back of the cart.

“Y/N!” Steve slurred when she got in, a smile growing on his battered face. “Did you stay safe?”

“I was safe, Steve. Obviously you two got into a little bit of trouble, though.” she giggled, eyeing his swollen face and bloodied lips.

“We almost died. I can’t believe I almost died in there with Steve the hair Harrington.” Robin laughed, pushing Steve’s shoulder while giggling.

Before she knew it, Y/N was pulling the two out of the back and into the elevator once again. They were giggling the whole time, playing around while they were thrown around by the speed of the elevator. Dustin and Erica were concerned, questioning whether the pair was high or drunk or God knows what.

After narrowly escaping the Russian guards by hiding out in the movie theater, they found themselves hiding from them behind one of the food court booths at the mall. The two drugged teens sobered up out of fear in that moment. She was gripping onto Steve’a hand for dear life as tears stung her eyes out of fear of getting caught.

It felt like she was almost frozen again when they all got up to see their savior, El, after she threw the car. Steve helped her up and they walked to where the rest of them stood, her arms wrapped around his. She caught the eye of Jonathan and Will when they walked over, both of them giving her the exact same confused look. After noticing their looks, she pulled away from his arm slightly with a blush on her cheeks.

Chaos ensued after that, and it happened fast. It seemed like everything happened in a matter of seconds, when it really did last a long while. Sitting on the back of an ambulance, Y/N stared off as she held Will in her arms and he rambled about their mom being okay. She assured him everything would be okay, partly because she knew it would and partly because she was making herself believe it too. The reunion with Joyce was teary, but the family was just happy to be back together.

She searched for Steve around the parking lot from where they sat with their mom, barely listening as Will and Jonathan talked quietly.

“Hey, Y/N.” Jonathan said, his hand squeezing her shoulder to get her attention. “I think there’s a certain sailor who’s sitting in his car over there. He might want talk to you.”

She shook her head and smiled gratefully at him, earning a confused look from Joyce, who was out of the loop. Jonathan would explain everything to her when she left, so she just gave him a hug before walking towards the BMW parked away from the ambulances in a side lot of the mall. He was alone, staring into the tercies mirror as he tried to clean up what was left to clean of the blood that was dried on his lip. She knocked on the passenger door and he motioned for her to come in, so she meekly opened the door and slid in.

“Hi.” she said with a weak smile after closing the door. “Your face looks a little better.”

“Thanks.” he chuckled, turning to face her instead of the mirror as he studied her for any marks. “Nothing happened to you, right?”

“No, nothing. I might have some bruises or something from being clumsy, but nothing besides that.” she replied, eyes scanning her arms and legs quickly.

“Listen, Y/N. There’s been something I’ve wanted to talk to you about for a while.” Steve started abruptly, knowing that he would chicken out if he waited any longer to tell her.

She nodded, biting her lip as her eyes trained on his. She wasn’t exactly sure what he was talking about, but she seemed to have some idea of what it was.

“I know it might be a little weird and all, since I dated your brother’s girlfriend before he did. And because I got beat up by him, and because I was a complete asshole before—“

“Steve, get to the point.” she giggled, her heart racing at a million beats a minute as she touched his hand to get his attention.

“Right, sorry. I know it all might be weird, but I really like you. You...You’re beautiful and smart and everything I could want. But I know that you’re scared, so I don’t expect you to say anything in return or give me a chance or anything at all. I just wanted to get it off my chest.” he said with a sigh, leaning back against his seat while closing his eyes.

“Steve.”

“Yeah?” he asked, head shooting back up to look over at her.

As he shot up, he felt her hands cup his cheeks and her lips press against his in a passionate kiss. She deepened the kiss once she felt him kiss her back, her fingers carding through his tousled hair. He reached over the console to wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her as close as he could in the awkward position. After a few minutes of heated kisses, she pulled away from his bruised lips with a smile on her face.

“Was that your way of saying you feel the same way? Or was that a ‘I’m just grateful to be alive and need to feel something besides fear’ kiss?” he asked, raising his eyebrow as he brushed some hair behind her ear.

“A little bit of both, but mainly the first one.” she breathed out, her thumb grazing the bruises on his cheek.

“Good, because that means I can do this.” he said as he gently grabbed her hips to pull her into another strong kiss, bringing her to straddle his hips.

Usually, she wouldn’t be so forward with any guy or let them even touch her. With Steve, it was different. She felt safe with Steve, like she was untouchable in his arms. She felt at home with him.

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elichorph · 4 years ago

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ok hi i’m back with a second character ...

the member of the yale's elite, they're twenty three and a grad student majoring in film & media studies. they are as amicable as they are histrionic.

stats:

full name: gordon minjun teller nicknames: goose. gordon is for business only age: twenty three birthday: june 13, 1997 chart: gemini sun / cancer moon / leo rising gender: cis male pronouns: he / him sexuality: bisexual & biromantic height: 6′1 hair color: blue (now blonde) tattoos: none piercings: nose stud (right side), earlobes (always have silver hoops in them)

PINTEREST BOARD

blackmail:

while the public believes that goose’s family retired and moved to another country, this was actually released as a coverup because they went missing. goose withheld information from the court about their last whereabouts which could have prevented it from becoming a cold case.

he was expelled from high school after vandalizing a statue on campus and his uncle paid the school to go back on their decision.

he lost a third of his inheritance money to a cult he briefly followed in his sophomore year of college while looking for guidance.

backstory:

tw: implied death

right at birth, goose was adopted into the teller family who were pretty well known. his father was a young ceo of an oil company in texas. goose’s family eventually became public figures and tabloid favorites after a long riveting love story between his father and mother, who belonged to opposing business families. it really was a quick rise and fall to fame, starting when it was revealed goose’s adoptive mom, grace, couldn’t have kids, he was in her arms not even a month after and right out of them thirteen years later when she disappeared and the family really was never to be heard of again.

but as the only adopted child into a family who had to keep their public image up, goose’s dreams of being a fun loving kid were crushed. really, it was strictly gordon - gordon on the tabloids, you’d see his baby face like aw thank god grace got to have a kid of her own <3 he was posted up at galas, listening to his dad speak about oil and shit every weekend and going back to his small private school every monday and it was just the same routine conditioning to keep the image of the teller family spotless and to hopefully get gOrDoN to become the next ceo.

that all kind of went to shit though when goose turned 14. his parents miraculously went missing (don’t ask me what happened i don’t even know) one night when he was tucked into bed. seriously, he woke up one morning and they were gone and suddenly there were police storming the house and he was being questioned and things weren’t routine or safe anymore. in order to still save face for the family though, news was quickly put out that the family went on a private vacation while the investigation went on privately. it was taken to court, people signed nda’s, and all little goose knew was that he his parents were going to a party that night and hadn’t told anybody else and he was too scared to tell anyone. at one point goose became the main suspect and he had to put his freshman year of high school on pause, but he was dismissed months after even though he hadn’t shared the detail that they went to a party. if he had shared it, they literally would’ve been found. eventually, there were no new leads, the case was declared cold, and an official statement was put out that the teller parents “retired” and “moved” to a different country that wouldn’t be disclosed and gOrDoN would be under the care of his uncle.

gordon was like mad though haha. even though he’d gotten his family’s entire inheritance as a fifteen year old and should’ve been happy that he was basically a millionaire, he wasn’t used to things not being in the same routine and actually having to make decisions for himself. newsflash, but goose can’t handle emotions really well and he got angry and well i don’t know if you’ve seen donnie darko where donnie literally put an axe through the statue’s head and spray painted “they made me do it” below the statue? but yeah, that. goose wasn’t slick though, got caught by security, and his uncle paid the school to let it slide and then sent goose to a boarding school in maruland.

he spent the last couple years of high school trying to figure out who he actually was outside of the tabloids and the teller name and image, and eventually got the hang of it by the time he enrolled at yale. he started going by goose instead of gordon, went into film instead of business like his family wanted him to and slowly started to blossom into the weirdo he is today <3 his dad was in the elites so he was able to secure a legacy spot and reluctantly said yes to joining. he was kinda quiet the first year, but now he’s all gungho to do charity events and make people happy and shit like that.

his sophomore year though he kinda doubted the path he was on and his naive ass got roped up into a cult. anyways, he ended up trusting them a lot and donated 1/3 of his family’s inheritance to the cult and kinda blew it. goose was acting hella weird around this time though, i imagine people around him could kinda sense he wasn’t like alright for a few months. anyways someone ended up giving him an intervention about acting kinda whack and he realized and thankfully was able to leave the cult pretty unscathed. but he is deeply, deeply ashamed about his time in the cult though.

personality:

he is one gigantic deranged baby. like he is baby, but he’s also kind of crazy. if goose feels any normal emotion, it instantly bass boosts and he feels it in full. goose genuinely is so sensitive, he’ll physically flinch if you say something merely mean to him because he was used to growing up so perfect that he really can’t take criticism. however, he’ll do his best to patch things up by saying some incomprehensible joke right there and then. the only exception to this is the tabloids. goose has become so immune to them that he will straight up troll them back on twitter because he just doesn’t give two shits.

he’s incredibly kind. so so so kind (not really gentle though). the type to remember your favorite candy bar and hand one to you on a random tuesday. he’ll remember your name even if you’ve only met once and even if you didn’t give him your name, he’ll look it up somehow just so he knows next time. he loves to make jokes all the time. none of them ever make sense, but they’re funny to him and he won’t apologize for it. and he’s LOUD. you probably can hear his cackles and snorts and dramatic screams even when you’re on the other side of campus. he’s just a kid in a candy store excited to finally enjoy life, especially now that things have seemed to settle down. even though he’ll probably have a whole breakdown and a half the first time the blackmailer mentions his name.

yes, he actually believes he’s being haunted by jfk. goose had a string of dreams about him and witnessed some doors opening and closing on their own around the same time, and he quickly jumped to the conclusion and never thought twice about it. another strange belief that goose has? that he’s friends with a ton of a-listers. even though it’s mainly jessica alba, he won’t hesitate to tweet at extremely famous actors and thank them for getting lunch with him even if they’ve never spoke. multiple management companies have his twitter handle blacklisted. while he currently has blue hair, it’s always quick to change. for how much he dyes it, it’s surprising that it doesn’t feel like hay. if goose feels a mental breakdown coming or simply is bored or needs attention, his hair color will do a straight 180. he hasn’t had a natural hair color since he enrolled at yale.

things that are very goose: beat up yellow high top converse, getting to know every person in existence, having memes plastered over his wall to make him smile after a long day, wearing fancy cologne to the grocery store because one cashier said he smelled good and he thinks it makes them happy to wear that, throwing a shoe across a crowd at a party, going to sulk in the bathroom or leave the party early when a song plays that brings up bad memories, keeping every movie stub, restaurant punch card, and lost button in a little scrapbook just because he wants to remember the good things in life, thinking the karate kid is the best movie to ever exist despite being five years into a film major.

wanted connections

since he doesn’t have any pre-established connections, here are some ones that could kinda be fun

someone who protects his naive ass <3

an ex or old one sided crush who hurt him so bad lmao. they really wouldn’t have to a lot to do that, but it would be juicy if they did

roommate? maybe? he lived in a really shitty apartment his first few years, maybe they convinced him to move out or moved in

or neighbors? like he will knock on their door 3 times a week with half burnt brownies to offer or because he doesn’t know where his tv remote is and needs help

someone who gave him the intervention about like “you’re acting weird are you okay” that indirectly got him to leave the cult and he feels like he’s forever indebted to them

someone who just despises goose and he doesn’t understand why and tries to make things better even though it just makes things worse

family friends? maybe? when he was in ct and his uncle didn’t let him come home with him during the holidays he would go to their house or something like that

gentle romance <3 maybe. Please

he’s their secret admirer and sends them gifts and flowers and writes them bad poems and recommends them shitty romance films

someone who takes advantage of how naive he is

anything <3 come 2 me or i will dm you or venmo you and force u to plot with me

#intro

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ihassheepquake · 4 years ago

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Stargirl 1.07 “Shiv Part One” is out now on DCU, and I’m here to talk about it.

As my one comment before the episode actually comes out and we get into this little review/recap, I find it really interesting that we’re getting such an explicit two-parter. So far this show has been pretty much exclusively a serial, which means that a two-parter is gonna be extra important and we need to really pay attention to what happens in these two episodes.

I love the look into the morning routine of the JSA. Courtney goes to see the staff and say good morning, Rick is off being an angsty teen, Yolanda is training, and Beth is being buds with the goggles. We don’t necessary need to see this but it’s really great to see and teaches us a lot about these four core characters in just a few seconds.

Ooooh, our first look at Brainwave since episode 4 I think. And Cindy is, at least before coming into the room itself, yet again being a bitch about Henry Jr. being sad about his dad. She was like this at the Halloween party back in episode 5 and she’s doing it again. She only cares Henry Jr. when it benefits her, which I think is telling of the likely “redemption” arc we’ll be forced to deal with for him. At least he does clearly give a shit about his dad. Cindy later repeats this pattern with trying to force Henry jr. to take her to the dance he’s already said he’s not going too multiple times.

I love how the JSA has a little assemble moment in the halls at school. That’s fun. And then they give us a little Cindy backstory and at least gives a clue as to what some of these kids think of her. BTW fucking go Jenny for standing up to her and calling her out. And it ends with some interaction between Cindy & Sir Justin, and then Sir Justin & Courtney (and finally we get some lore & backstory for Sir Justin, how exciting).

Last time for 1.06 I talked about how I love the Barbara moments and the family dynamic we get for her. We get some good moments with her again in this episode. Each episode gets closer to both Mike & Barbara figuring out the truth. I kinda feel bad for Mike.

Honestly this kid playing Henry Jr. is fucking good at his job, he’s playing this losing it and discovering his powers thing really well. In the classroom he seems on the verge of a panic attack the whole time.

The interactions between Courtney & Cindy doing the science experiment are fun. There does seem to be a genuine bit of bonding here and there, in another life they could’ve actually been buds. I think she really just wants someone to be in control of though after Jenny stood up to her. Getting home her mum is scared as fuck though, is it because of Cindy herself or is the Dragon King himself around? This at home scene puts Cindy so clearly in charge and she seems like such a little monster. Wtf is this about “your dad gave me orders” shit. Cindy is supposed to be some genetic experiment or something and I’m starting to wonder if her mum is even a real person either. It’s cool to see that this evil lair is connected to both the American Dream building & Cindy’s house, so I’m betting it could also connect to the King house, the Zarick house, and the Mahkent place. And also the school? How much of this city is connected by these secret tunnels? I like this villain meeting, especially the specific point of how the group agreed to keep their kids out of it.

We love a training montage in this house! Especially low-budget ones. (thank you for the Joey mention yet again. Seriously, for someone who’s “dead” he keeps getting mentioned in literally every episode). Love the display of skill from Courtney & power from the staff, both always good to see, though I’m especially happy to see the rest of the JSA call her out on it. She’s clearly a really leader but doesn’t fully know how to completely work with a team.

Cindy’s a meta, oooooh, love that for her. And a look at her future costume?? Fuck yeah! And it looks great. And now that she’s talking with her father, it’s even more clear how unstable she actually is and how she gives literally no fucks about anybody. Her comments about how she’s “lonely” and has “nobody to talk to” is setting some interesting potential parallels with Beth, and they’re clearly setting up a ton of parallel between her and Court.

I love any and all Cameron scenes, love this kid. Clearly the girl he’s talking about is Courtney, and I 100% believe that Icicle killed the other dude interested in his dead wife. I’m surprised that we haven’t gotten any sort of love plot in this show until now, and even now that a possible one is being introduce, I can already tell that it’s not going to become the kind of overwhelming force that love plots usually are in these shows. Cameron asking Court is admittedly cute. But Courtney, is the middle of the game really the time to go ask her about postponing your hang out? But of course, Cindy is gonna be a bitch about it anyway.

A secret door in the principles office? How fun. And the fact that the staff is just kinda there is beautiful. And Sir Justin sees something huh? Is he gonna actually be around as Shining Knight?? A small thing but the effects of Court blowing the lock on the door is fucking incredible. Cindy suiting up to fight Court is pretty cool. Again, this outfit looks amazing. All the outfits in this show are amazing.I love even here between Courtney & Cindy how clearly out matched the JSA kids are. Yeah Court is holding her own in this fight but the staff is putting in a ton of work. OMFG SIR JUSTIN DID COME OUT TO PLAY AS THE SHINING KNIGHT!!! Fucking iconic. Gosh Pat, maybe in a situation where the staff comes to get you for help you shouldn’t go running around yelling “Courtney” because she’s probably in costume but idk, just a thought.

So there’s a lot to unpack in this episode, and certainly going to be more in next weeks 1.08 “Shiv Part Two.” We’ve seen shots of Henry Jr. using powers & working with the JSA and I’m willing to bet that’s happening next week. I’m interested to see how the rest of the JSA fit into this and what’s going to happen to Cindy for disobeying her dad. These little recaps of mine keep getting longer every week, so expect an even longer one next time. I should probably start doing a follow-up to these.

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canaryatlaw · 4 years ago

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it’s late, and I do have to get up in the morning, though I may just go back to sleep afterwards. my church has been having very limited gatherings over the past few weeks, and in March they’re planning on opening them somewhat more, and restarting our kids program as well, so kids have somewhere to go while their parents are in the service, and tomorrow morning we’re having a training on how that all will take place, I’m assuming it’ll mostly be covering new protocols and the technicalities of how everything will work. They are holding it in person at the church but also on Zoom, and I’m just going to do Zoom of course because I am still always hesitant about going out, and an uber down to where it is is going to run me at least $25 each way, but I’m definitely not at a place where I can go back to public transit, not just because of the pandemic but more because of my stupid, not working legs that would definitely not cooperate with the distances of walking required to use public transit, even if it’s just a few blocks, it’s too much. I am still concerned that being at church and with the babies isn’t going to work well- that things are going to go wrong, like they did with soccer, and it’ll just be a dismal failure and I’ll be even more frustrated and upset with myself, but I have to try. I have to at least know there’s a reason I’m not doing something, not just too scared to take a chance and wind up stuck in my apartment for the rest of my life. I just hope nothing goes wrong especially when I’m with the babies because that concerns me greatly, but it’s really not like it would pose an actual risk to anybody, even if I’m like holding a baby I can control it enough that I can get to a sitting position and stable before I let it go and let it flail around until it gets its fill. I’m sure I’m going to have to give the other workers a disclaimer at the beginning of the service so they won’t be super alarmed or concerned if something happens, though I’ll still be pissed as hell that it did happen because I just hate feeling helpless oh so much, and just being in positions where I have to rely on other people to help me just drives me nuts, I don’t like sympathy I don’t like pity, don’t feel bad for me please, I’m fine, I’m fine. I’ll be fine, I can control this. I’m in control.

sigh. that’s what I keep telling myself at least. I should probably actually get to describing my day now that I went on a whole rant about that. Alarm went off at 8:30 because it’s the Saturday of our once a month church legal clinic, which starts on Zoom at 8:45 for a brief powwow with everyone, then at 9 we start the consultation with the client until 9:45 at which point we go back and chat with everybody, and end roughly around 10. my friend from school that I know has been going to the same church as me for some time but of course between pandemic and everything else I haven’t actually seen her face to face, but I knew she was doing the justice center too and we were both in the general zoom room before we started so I private messaged her just a few things saying hi haha so that was cool. The actual consultation was fine, I’m always so anxious they’re going to ask me about stuff I don’t know about, but I did know this was another divorce case, and while I definitely don’t handle divorces at my actual work, it coincides with my work a lot of the time and from being in family law focused spaces I’ve learned quite a bit about it, so I know my way around it fairly well. this was a bit more complicated case so I did recommend she consult with a legal aid attorney to hopefully help her file things, because this was fair beyond what a self-represented litigant could handle, even with a legal advice clinic and the great resources we have to help pro se litigants, it was just way too much. but we got a start on things so she can at least have something to take to the attorney, so all of that was easy peasy. the notes we got prior to the consultation were from the client coordinator speaking to her earlier in the week, and also included a line that was like “I need a divorce, I know it’s wrong but...” and went on to cite spiritual and cultural baggage surrounding it, so when we were at the end of the session I just told her that something we say a lot in my work (we don’t actually say it a lot, generally just when spiritual concerns are interfering with a victim’s safety, which thankfully isn’t often, but the point is the same) is that people are more important than institutions, and that her worth as a person is much more important than the existence of a marriage that has clearly broken down beyond a state of repair by so much mistreatment and bad behavior from her spouse. And I really just felt like it was important to tell her that she is doing the right thing here, and that she should not feel guilty about doing this, even that it is explicitly stated in the bible (by Jesus, no less) that divorce is allowed when the woman (or either spouse practically) is being abused, and that emotional abuse is just as valid as any other type of abuse, and taking steps to protect herself was the best thing she could be doing right now. so I clearly had a lot of feelings about that, and our client support coordinator (that’s not what their actual title is but that’s what we call their equivalent at my job so it’s good enough) really echoed it and affirmed it from a cultural perspective as well (coordinator was Asian, client was South Asian) and the client ended up in tears and I just felt satisfied that I was able to get that message across, because very few things truly piss me off more than “Christians” trying to “save a marriage” at the cost of the safety of one of the parties, and it’s been well documented that abusers can very easily manipulate counseling situations and paint the other party out to be the one that is being ungodly because they want out of the marriage, and it’s a giant load of bullshit that loses sight of the importance of a human being and it’s such a perversion of what God actually wants for his children and is just the result of legalism taken to an extreme and people’s welfare not actually taken into consideration, only the rules. Thankfully I haven’t run into this situation too many times while doing this work (I can think of two off the top of my head, and both of those very clearly stuck with me, even several years later), and I have encountered a very opposite situation of a pastor being incredibly supportive and even accompanying the client to file and for court dates, and it was just so heartening for me to see- the pastor wrote me an email later that night saying thank you again, and I just expressed that as a Christian myself, I had so much gratitude at seeing his supporting a member of his church so strongly. so that positive experience has stuck with me at least. anyway. we wrapped things up and I did consider going back to bed lol but ended up choosing to stay up, I’ve had such a baking itch and now have a lot of things I have to eat haha but I had seen something a while back about caramelizing white chocolate, which sounded super intriguing and I really wanted to try it, but it very strongly focused on having high quality white chocolate for it to work, so I tried to get the fanciest I could from my instacart order and I couldn’t find the cocoa butter percentage listed (that’s apparently the most important part) so I thought it probably wasn’t good enough, but I was going to try anyway. it basically involves a low-temp oven (like 250f) with it being spread out on a baking sheet, and every ten minutes taking it out and like spreading it as it darkens and such, for like an hour. so I had started doing that but it was pretty obvious from the start it wasn’t going to work how it should, it was very grainy and just not cooperating, at around that same time friend messaged and asked if I wanted to do one of our taco bell and target runs that we’ve been doing lately like right then, and there wasn’t much else I could do with the chocolate at that point so I left that and got real clothes on and left for taco bell and then target. I was disappointed to find out taco bell’s build your own cravings box could only be ordered from their mobile app and not the drive-in, but as a result I ended up with chicken chalupas instead of my regular “seasoned beef” (because you know that’s deff high quality stuff) and they were actually really good, so I may continue those in the future, lol we’ll see. so we sat in the home depot parking lot to eat like we normally do then drove over to Target (the taco bell is farther away, so we have to drive there and then back to the Target) and go from there. I didn’t need too many things, mostly just toilet paper and a few random food items, and I ended up with toilet paper, a pint of my super favorite ice cream that’s like $8 but is so damn good it’s worth it, some actual popsicles, some lemonade (my sodastream canisters are MIA at the moment so I needed something else to make my water at least somewhat appealing), and these little frozen crushed garlic cubes that are each equal to one clove of garlic and I’ve heard very good things about, so I wanted to try that since I couldn’t find any garlic while making the chicken scampi the other night. so we checked out and I ended up obtaining a watermelon mountain dew, because I saw that and knew I needed to have it, though I still had baja blast left from taco bell, so the watermelon one is in my fridge yet to be opened (it’s a 20 oz bottle, not like a 2 liter). from there I got dropped off at home and put some stuff away and worked on a few things, eventually watching a few episodes of Scrubs before remembering I had some stuff recorded still that I hadn’t finished, so I watched 9-1-1 and 9-1-1: Lone Star, which were of course very good, and while viewing was looking at various recipes for oreo rice krispie treats which I’d had a random craving for and bought supplies from instacart the other day, and after reading a few I decided to just kinda make up my own rules and go with it haha I had to revive some slightly stale marshmallows (put them in a ziploc and then in a bowl of hot water until they soften) as well as some stale oreos (350f in the oven for 3 minutes), though there only ended up being like 4 left in that pack and the rest from the new one, so that worked. I browned like 6 tablespoons of butter in a skillet and then transferred it to a big pot, addedt the old marshmallows (like 3/4 of a bag) as well as a bag of new ones, then crushed up most of the oreos and mixed them with a good amount of rice krispies and went from there. when I first dumped them into the pan it was just like this giant blob and I was like welp perhaps I made too much but then it kind of settled down to a more reasonable size, just still pretty large but that’s fine. I went back to the tv and watched For Life, and then to the news and SNL for a bit before getting in the shower and getting ready for bed, and of course now it’s almost 2 am and I am oh so tired, so I’m going to go to bed now being that I have to wake up at 10:15 (much better than 8:45 for work, but still). Goodnight friends. Hope you had an awesome Saturday.

#daily journal #February 2021

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imaginethathaikyuu · 6 years ago

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ACTUALLY WAIT! Not asahi!!! I’m sorry I know I asked for him a while ago 😅 I use love him :( but maybe if you have more inspiration for bokuto! :) sorry for the confusion! I love your posts!

this is. the longest thing i’ve ever written. i think it reads well tho so its ok. i just love bokuto. and i could write for him forever and ever. also! i tried rlly hard to keep this gender neutral and i think it turned out well! * lovey-dovey nsfw ahead *

word count: 4073 (holy fucking shit)

“Give me a fucking break,” Bokuto grumbled as he checked the time on his phone. It was nearing 9 pm, and you still weren’t home.

Just when he had that thought, though, he heard the rustling of the doorknob. He stood from the couch and walked to the door, waiting for you to stumble in.

“Stop it! I’ll see you tomorrow, I’m not hugging you goodbye again,” he heard you say with joyous laughter.

Bokuto’s suspicions were correct - you were with that guy again.

Apparently, you had been best friends with him since you were kids, or something. Bokuto didn’t care to know the details - he even pretended he didn’t know his name.

As soon as the door closed behind you, you saw your boyfriend standing in front of you with crossed arms.

“What are you doing?” he asked you.

You blinked - there are a lot of ways to answer that question. “Taking off my shoes… and now my jacket… what are you doing, babe?”

“Don’t.”

You felt your forehead wrinkle as your brows drew together at his tone.

“Do you even give a shit about me anymore? Or is that friend of yours finally getting what he wants and stealing you from me?”

Bokuto didn’t curse at you often - and even less often did he raise his voice in that way.

“What?”

One word, that’s all you were able to say - your throat felt too dry to speak. But that one word made Bokuto feel even worse.

“Did you forget, Y/N? That I had a game today? That you were supposed to be cheering me on with my new college team? Or were you so busy with him that you just didn’t fucking care?”

Your heart sank.

“Kou -”

“It’s alright,” he said, interrupting you - his words were as much of a lie as any. He wasn’t alright. His brown eyes became glossy, though his glare held strong. “Don’t even bother. I don’t want to hear it. You can go be with him, and I won’t stop you - it’s obvious who’s more important to you.”

With that he turned away from you, walking to your shared bedroom and closing the door - leaving you stood alone in the foyer.

With him? Why would he even say something like that - why would you want to be with anybody else?

You had to do something, you decided - the longer Bokuto sat alone, the more upset he’d be.

After searching your kitchen up and down for ingredients for a perfect dinner, you came up empty. Luckily, it is Bokuto, and he appreciates nothing more than ordering out.

You did make some tea, though, and left it sat on the counter to cool while you went to talk to him.

After standing outside the door for what felt like an eternity, you took a deep breath and walked inside. You found your boyfriend lying face down on the bed, very obviously sulking. His hair was a mess now that he had flattened it into the pillow, his shirt was rising up on his back, showing off his tanned skin. It’d be cute, if the situation was any lighter.

He didn’t even flinch when you placed a hand on his back.

“Kou…”

He didn’t reply - he didn’t move an inch. You weren’t even sure if he was awake.

“I’m so, so fucking sorry.” You moved your hand across his back, massaging his stiff muscles firmly.

“I love you, Kou. I’m sorry I haven’t been showing it. I’m sorry I’ve been making you think the opposite. But please believe me, babe. I love you.”

You heard him mumble a sad “okay…” into the pillow. After a moment, you lied down next to him, your hand still moving across his broad back.

“I love you,” you said again, this time much quieter. You knew what’d make Bokuto feel better: words of affirmation. “And I love watching you play - I’m so sorry I missed another game. I promise nothing will keep me from the next one.”

He still hadn’t moved much, but you hadn’t run out of things to say, either.

“I love how passionate you are, on and off the court. It really shows when you’re playing, though,” you continued with a quiet laugh. Your hand had now made its way up to the nape of his neck, your fingers combing through his surprisingly soft hair. “I love that you love me. I’m so happy that you do. Thanks for doing that, by the way.”

You heard him chuckle quietly, and you giggled with him. Finally, he pulled his face out of the pillow and turned to you. His face held a small smile, to your surprise.

“You believe me, right?”

Bokuto shook his head, his grin widening, your laugh like music to his ears.

“Yes you do!”

“No I don’t! You have to tell me everything you love about me, or I won’t believe you.”

“Kou…” your laughter died down, your hand caressed the side of Bokuto’s face, and his smile dropped as your voice took on a more serious tone. “Please forgive me, baby. I’ll tell you all the things I love about you every day for the rest of my life.”

Bokuto’s eyes closed, he released a shaky breath, his brows drew together. “I don’t…” he started, but he wasn’t sure he was able to finish the sentence.

This wasn’t like him, and he was embarrassed.

He couldn’t speak louder than a whisper - his fear and insecurity kept him quiet.

“I… don’t want you to leave me.”

Bokuto had never doubted the security of your years long relationship - not even once. Not until you reconnected with this old flame. You started coming home late, missing his games, cancelling dates - always to hang out with your old friend. And the guy was funny and attractive and sweet - above all else, he was touchy. Even while Bokuto was around, he couldn’t stop poking your sides or throwing an arm over your shoulders or hugging you - even kissing your cheek!

And you saw nothing wrong with it.

You must’ve been enjoying all the attention your friend gave you - and who could blame you?

Bokuto tried - he tried so hard to be the picture perfect boyfriend. But that just isn’t who he is - he doesn’t have the time to be. He has to be the perfect volleyball player.

And he would never, ever admit it - but time after time, you came second to volleyball.

He’d cancelled dates because of surprise practice matches, he had tournaments on your birthday, he’d come home late almost every night at the beginning of this first year of college - and you never complained, not once.

So who was he, to complain about you putting him second? When all he has ever done was hold your relationship at a lesser importance than something else?

“Fuck -” he was crying, and he couldn’t help it - he wiped his face as fast as he could, but the tears wouldn’t stop flowing.

He wasn’t a good boyfriend to you - not by any definition of the word. And here you were, getting the attention you needed and deserved from someone else - he had no right to be surprised that this happened.

“ - this is fucking -” he struggled to inhale through his nose, which was now stuffed and runny, “ - stupid.”

You’d never seen Bokuto so upset - and you had no idea your actions had such an effect on him. You never pegged him as the jealous type - and he wasn’t. But this was obviously much, much different than jealousy. This was insecurity, this was fear. And you didn’t want to know how long he’d been keeping it in.

Based on the tears he shed, it was a long time.

“Kou… what do you want me to do?”

You were lost - completely and utterly lost, and your map was gone with the wind.

Bokuto was emotional, but you could deal with his mood swings. You had never seen him so hurt. The sight hurt you to the core.

“Stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” you said, a loud sigh to follow. “Come here.”

You pulled him into your chest, and he happily took the invitation, wrapping his arms around your waist tightly. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders.

“I love you - I’ll do anything to show you.”

His sniffles were slowing down, and he was drying his face on your shirt.

“I love being with you. We’re meant to be, Koutarou, I’d never leave you for somebody else.”

“Are you sure?” His words were muffled, and he sounded so sadly sweet.

“Yes,” you said. Taking a chance, you pulled his face away from your chest to look him in the eyes. They were puffy and red, his cheeks were still a bit wet, but his tears had stopped flowing. “No one’s more perfect for me than you are.”

“Even though I’m a bad boyfriend?”

“You’re not a bad boyfriend - you’re not a perfect boyfriend, either, but I didn’t sign up for a perfect man, I signed up for you.” You brushed some of the loose strands of hair from his face. “And I knew what I was getting into when we started dating, Kou. I’m here for the long run. I love you.”

He nodded, and after that, you couldn’t help yourself - you had to kiss his pouty lips. Just a peck, then you pulled away.

“And I love kissing you,” you whispered before going in for more. “You’re such a good kisser, have I told you that?”

Another soft kiss, “Once or twice,” Bokuto said against your lips. You smiled; his flirtatiousness was back - a little bit, at least.

You tried kissing him deeper, running your tongue along his bottom lip before attempting to pry his lips open with your own - but he pulled away quickly, and when he did he looked scared.

“I’m sorry, I -” he said, interrupting himself with a sigh. His hands found your hips and pulled you closer to him. “I haven’t been saying it back. I love you, too.”

“You don’t have to say it back for me to know it.”

Maybe he didn’t have to say it - but he sure as hell liked to. The privilege of calling you his, holding you here, telling you he loves you was one he had taken for granted. And it was only now that he feared losing you did he realize that.

He was selfish. But so were you - and you took what you could from Bokuto. Despite his devotion to his sport, you never felt neglected. Always, you felt loved and needed and damn near worshiped - your boyfriend was never afraid to speak his mind or to show you affection.

You kissed his lips one time, before pushing him to lie on his back.

“Let me show you how much I love you, Kou.” You slid your hand into his and he nodded, looking at you with such a trusting gaze; Bokuto was completely vulnerable to you. He’d make himself your prey, if that’s what you wanted. He’d let you consume him.

You kissed his forehead, then his cheek, then his lips - that’s often the order he’d kiss your face in, as well. This time you didn’t hesitate to pry his lips open, you didn’t give him the chance to think about anything but your lips kissing his.

You had to hold back a smirk after the gasp he made when you bit his lip; while you weren’t trying to be rough, you still wanted to be playful.

“I love kissing you,” you repeated, as if saying it again would take away the fluttering in your heart that Bokuto’s soft lips on yours caused - it didn’t.

In fact, that fluttering only grew stronger when you slid a leg over his waist and straddled him while continuing your kiss. Bokuto’s arms wrapped around your body, his hands lied flat on your back, holding you close to him.

Your own hands slid underneath his shirt, sliding up and down his sides. “Can I take your shirt off?” you pulled away to ask, and when he nodded you sat up and helped him pull the fabric away.

As you looked at him, at his tanned skin and muscular frame, you couldn’t hold back your words. “God, your body is so perfect.”

You watched his chest rise and his lips curl into a shy smile. Bokuto hadn’t always been very body-confident around you - which took you for surprise at first - but you knew he had no reason to be insecure.

And just looking at him like this turned you on more than anything else so far.

“You can play volleyball forever if it means you’ll always look like this.”

Bokuto snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Take yours off too,” he said, referring to your shirt, and he helped you pull it off.

Now that you were topless, Bokuto had even more of a reason to be into this; he moved his hands to your hips, gripping them tightly. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, his heavy lidded eyes examined your body.

As a test, you lifted yourself and moved from where you sat on his stomach and straddled his hips instead. The moment your core connected with his, Bokuto gasped. You would have too, except you expected to feel his hardness through your pants.

“You’re hard, babe,” you cooed, and the man nodded. “Do you want to keep going?”

He nodded quickly, stuttering out, “yeah,” before pulling your hips down to grind into him again, savoring any friction he could get.

“Oh, you’re so needy,” you teased again. “It’s so hot when you’re like this.”

“Babe, stop teasing me.”

“I’m not teasing!” you said with a giggle. You leaned down to kiss him once. “But I really want to be closer to you.”

He nodded in agreement, and that’s all you needed to sit up and pull your pants off. Bokuto did the same, undoing his belt and allowing you to pull his pants down his legs before you situated yourself on top of him again.

You took his dick into your hand, giving him a teasing squeeze before sliding your thumb around the head of his cock.

“Y/N -”

“I love your dick, Koutarou,” you told him. You tried your best to keep your voice steady as your hand began pumping. “It’s so big and so perfect, it fills me up so well.”

His moans were getting louder as your hand moved faster. “Fuck, Y/N -”

“Nobody else could make me feel as good as you, Kou.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck.”

You took your hand away, and grabbed both of Bokuto’s hands, pulling him to sit up. He was a bit confused, but he scooted back so he could lean against the bed’s headboard.

His confused look went away when you wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed your lips to his ear. “I need your big cock inside me, Koutarou.”

“Please,” he said, voice sounding desperate. Your words, your voice, the way you said his name all drove him crazy - his hips had been bucking up involuntarily every so often, and he needed to cum so bad that he felt like he was going to burst.

He was able to reach for a condom from the nightstand, which you slid onto him.

“Do you…” he started, but the feeling of your hands on him caused him to lose his train of thought. “Do you want my… my fingers first?”

“It’ll be okay -”

“No, babe,” he said. “Let me get you started.”

You nodded, smiling at how considerate he was. You knew he was right - you could rarely have sex without getting you accustomed to at least three of Bokuto’s fingers first, the girth of his cock being too much to take with no prep.

His hand moved down to your center, and he slid two fingers into you immediately. You took them easily, and his long fingers were curved in just the right way, hitting just the right place, to make you a moaning mess.

“Kou -”

“What?” he asked teasingly, moving his fingers at an even faster pace.

Your hands gripped his biceps, your forehead rested on his bare shoulder, and your hips moved into Bokuto’s hand.

“Do you want another finger?” he asked, already knowing the answer. His third finger was already entering you by the time you nodded.

“Koutarou,” you moaned loudly - his fingers felt so good.

“What, baby?” he teased again. “Use your words.”

You weren’t even sure how to do that - the only thing you knew were his fingers inside you and, now, his lips attached to your neck. “I… Kou, I -”

“Are you gonna cum for me?”

“Yeah -”

“Yeah? You’re going to cum around my fingers?” He felt your walls tighten around his digits, and he pumped them into you even faster.

He knew you were right on the edge, it’d take no time for you to be cumming - and he loved it. He loved knowing that the only thing on your mind is him, the only thing you could think about is him. He could tell, because the only thing leaving your lips was his name, the only thing pleasuring you was his fingers, the only thing making you feel so good was him.

“That’s it, baby, cum for me.”

And you did, and Bokuto couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Watching you cum made him feel the same euphoria you were feeling - it made his dick throb, it made him moan, it made him needy for more of you. The face you made, the way your body moved, how tight you were around his fingers - it was all heavenly. And he wanted to experience it again and again.

“Fuck, you are so hot,” he said. His free hand grabbed his cock and pumped up and down at a fast pace as he watched, listened, felt you cumming for him. For him.

When he knew you were finished, he pulled his fingers out of you, but he didn’t stop jerking off.

You could watch him fucking his hand all day, but you’d much rather him fuck you.

“Please, put it in - I need it, I need your big dick, please.”

He didn’t need to be told twice - he helped position you over is cock, and then he buried himself inside you with a groan.

“Oh, fuck,” he moaned, “fuck, you’re tight.”

You didn’t move - you were busy trying to collect your thoughts in a coherent way, trying not to get lost in the feeling of being so connected to him.

“Kou?” you said.

Bokuto pulled his head from your neck to look at your face. “Yeah?”

You moved your hips slowly, the need for friction and movement becoming too strong.

“I love you,” you said through broken moans, and before he could reply you kissed him - you moved your lips against his slowly, but you didn’t bother lapping your tongue into his mouth like you had before.

He was going to reply, he was going to say it back, but he could hardly even think words - let alone say them. His heart was filled with so much love, so much admiration, and there was no way in hell he could ever think of a way to explain it.

All of his thoughts led back to you - your lips, your moans, your warmth. All of you. He figured that this is the closest he had ever been to making love; he never believed sex could actually feel this way. How could something so raunchy, so primal, make him feel so loved and needed? Maybe he was going crazy - his mind was spinning - but he didn’t even feel close enough to you, even though you were as close as you possibly could be.

He hadn’t even realized you stopped kissing him, or that he’d been moaning your name over and over, or that his arms were wrapped around you and pressing your body against his so tightly you could hardly even move your hips.

“I love you,” he said, before he even realized he was saying it. And he said it again and again; your forehead was resting on his, and he wanted to open his eyes and look at you, but he couldn’t figure out how to open them.

You were moaning his name and telling him you were about to cum, but Bokuto was already there; his hips thrust up into you so he could be inside of you as deep as he possibly could be before he came, filling the condom while imagining he was filling you instead.

His body felt like it was on fire, everywhere you touched him sparked another flame that burned through every tense muscle. But when you lifted your body off of his, when you pulled his cock out of you, when your forehead was no longer resting on his, it was as if you had just dumped a bucket of ice water over his head. And he could actually open his eyes again, he could think without being interrupted by his own loud moaning.

You had moved away from him, standing on your knees and hovering over him with your eyes closed, your hands holding yourself up on his shoulders being the only place you were touching him.

He looked up at you. “Come here,” he said, breathless and desperate. You simply nodded, Bokuto took the condom off and tossed it into the trash without moving from where he sat underneath you, and then you relaxed on his lap once again.

And he held you gently - as if he was holding a broken doll or an injured child. His calloused hands tried so hard to touch you softly, one of them resting on your back, the other running up and down your arm. While you rested your head on his shoulder, kissing his skin repeatedly, he slid so he was lying down, with you on top of him.

No words were shared. It wasn’t necessary. Nothing needed to be said that hadn’t been, neither of you felt the need to speak. Bokuto was still catching his breath. You were trying to ignore the ache in your thighs. You had shifted your position, preferring to rest your head on his chest; his heart was beating quickly, and you were dedicating all of your attention to listening to it.

And then your phone rang. You felt Bokuto tense up underneath you, you heard his sigh at the familiar ringtone.

Way to ruin the moment.

You had to pull your phone out of the pocket of your pants, which were laying on the ground. Bokuto caught a glance at the caller ID when you were back on the bed.

Of course, it’s him.

“Hello?”

Bokuto could hear the guy’s voice just slightly; he couldn’t pick up on every word, but he could make sense of the conversation.

“…got home, and I was thinking… and tomorrow would be a great day to go! So I’ll pick you up at noon -”

Bokuto scoffed and rolled his eyes - how rude of him, he didn’t even ask you, he just assumed you’d go. And you probably would.

But your next words caught him off guard.

“No, I’ll pass on it. I can’t keep hanging out with you every day, okay? We see each other too much - I have a boyfriend and other friends and, look, I’ll see you in a few weeks, okay? I’ve got to go.”

You hung up without giving your friend the chance to put up a fight or say goodbye, and you turned off your phone so there would be no more interruptions.

“You’re off tomorrow, right?” you asked Bokuto as you lied down next to him. He was happy that you remembered. “I wanna spend the whole day in bed with you.”

He chuckled and nodded, knowing he’d have to come up with something to get you out of the house.

“Lets go order a pizza. And then eat it in the bath.”

As he pulled your body closer to his, he nodded again. “Later. At least let me bask in your beauty a little while longer.”

You laughed at him.

“Ten minutes, that’s all I’m giving you.”

“Hey, what a coincidence,” he mumbled, “that’s all the time I need for round two.”

“And then we can order a pizza?”

got a request? send it in. i’ll write it.

#haikyuu!!#bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto x reader #not family friendly #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #scenario

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years ago

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I stayed up way too late to answer these, it was worth it

Questions by @pauletta-00 *dances* here we gooo, some cautions before reading the answers: 1) will contain spoilers for much much later in the fic so don’t read the answers if ya don’t want dem spoilers. I’m gonna try and keep ‘em vague enough that they don’t give everything away, cause I gotta make ya go read it, don’t I now? 😉 2) While I follow KOTFE/ET as a loose guideline it is just that. A guideline, in a lot of places we veer waaaaayyy off the established canon because *singing to the tune of a popular song* ✨it’s my fanfic and I do what I want to ✨ so don’t any of y’all yell at me because my headcanons are different pls? ok good :D

With that out of the way, the questionsss

1. Starting with basics. Who is your Outlander (which class, what their aligment)? How did they end up being frozen in carbonite for 5 years? Why did you make them the Outlander?

(my own art because losing an eye is not a scar option in-game and it’s one of her most defining features)

Vano Saal-Shenly - Canon Sith Warrior (alignment: Light IV in game, I class her as Neutral Good) and Empire’s Wrath. She got made the Outlander because it just made the most sense, also there are some parallels between her fate/whereabouts (including the amount of time they were “missing” to each other) in KOTFE/ET and that of her wife in earlier parts of the (class) story that I very very much did on purpose 😉 She was also the Wrath, so it made the most sense for her to end up on Marr’s ship when it went boom and led into KOTFE. Pretty much follows the canon there, Vano cuts her ship loose, tells her crew + wife to gtfo of there, she and Marr are taken prisoner and she gets frozen in carbonite after the dust up in the throne room. Becomes the Alliance Commander

2. Now, to the rest of classes. What happens to them during KotFE/ET? Did they know the Outlander? Were they allies, enemies, family? Do they join the Alliance or have something else to do? Do they play a major or a minor role in the story? Spare no detail (if you wish, of course).

Aria Saal-Shenly: Human, Major role. Vano’s wife, semi-canon Jedi Consular (alignment: Grey/Dark I, Chaotic Neutral) (follows the Consular story arc grey-Dark aligned, is in fact a Sith Inquisitor playing sleeper agent). Alias “The Wrath’s Shadow” (for obvious reasons) Joined back up officially with Vano during the SoR arc, they marry sometime in the interim between Rishii and killing Revan; on the other flagship with Lana, Theron and the others when Vano’s crew returns to give them the news. Inconsolable after her wife’s disappearance and refuses to accept that she’s dead (they share a Force Bond, so Aria knows and becomes increasingly frustrated when nobody will “listen to her telling them damn it!!”), drives Lana and the others crazy by continuing to try and look for her wife and putting herself in danger in doing so. Sticks with the Alliance, of course, her wife’s the Commander XD helps Vano to manage Odessen-side things of the Alliance, specialising in helping Ni’kasi and Sana-Rae at the Force Enclave of course.

Saarai Ahaszaai: Sith Pureblood, Major role. Niece to Vowrawn and twin sister to Ni’kasi (SI). Alt Sith Warrior in-game. Light I/II, Chaotic Good, but hiding out on Rishii to escape being convicted of a serious crime and exposing her family to Vitiate/Valkorion (who would absolutely kill them if he knew) picked up by Aria and Vano during their search for Lana and Theron during that part of the storyline. Joins up with the Alliance because she and her family have a personal vendetta (tm) against Vitiate/Valkorion and she wants to stab that dude too. Eventually becomes Empress alongside Vano who remains as the Commander (I still need to work out the details but basically it’s like...coalition government style thing and Saarai and Vano are the joint “final decision” voice mm’kay? hopefully that makes sense), with Lana, Theron and Aria to watch as Marr’s ship go boom. Has to restrain Aria when she loses her shit when they try to tell her Vano’s dead, helps Lana and the others to track Vano down and formulate the rescue plan. Stays with Aria to make sure she stays put like she was told while Lana gets Vano out of carbonite.

Ni’kasi Ahaszaai: Sith Pureblood, semi-Major role. Niece to Vowrawn and twin sister to Saarai (alt SW). Semi-canon Sith Inquisitor/Darth Occulus (follows the canon Inquisitor storyline, but is not related to Kallig, instead related to Vowrawn and lurking in hiding under Vitiate’s nose. Ends up as a “slave” when she takes the fall for her twin’s “crime” in order to protect her.), Light I/Grey, Lawful Neutral. With Saarai and the others on the ship when the big bad happens, sticks with the Alliance (and her twin) to try and track down Vano. Tries to contact Vowrawn and the other Dark Councillors etc., but can’t reach them obviously.

Merak Shenly: Mirialan, Minor role. Younger brother to Vano and friend to Aria as they briefly worked together before Aria returned to being a plant in the Jedi Order, Smuggler, Grey/True Neutral (mostly non-canon as of yet, I need to fully play through the Smuggler story and see how much of it I can graft into the fic-verse if it works or not), takes Aria’s side and works tirelessly to help them track down his sister, is likely the one to find the lead that takes them to Zakuul. Joins the Alliance and works alongside Hylo to run ammo/supplies etc. to the Alliance as they need it.

I haven’t yet played the Bounty Hunter or Trooper storylines, and my only current Imperial Agent is Aria’s mother (Light V/Lawful Good); she runs semi-canon in that she defects to the Republic, but is instead found out by the DC and Aria is sent to kill her as part of her Sith trials, so she’s dead long before KOTFE/ET happens.

I have a Jedi Knight too, but I honestly couldn’t figure out how to put him into the plot so I just left him out for now, I guess he was recruited and is probably in the background somewhere idk sjhsdyuidg

3. What about companions? Do you follow their in-game story or have headcanons for them? Did they stay with your non-Outlander characters or not? Why?

Mainly managed to plan out for the Warrior/Consular companions, haven’t thought deep enough into the Inquisitor companions yet, though I imagine at least Andronikos, Khem Val, Talos and Xalek will likely return to join the Alliance or at least ally with them somehow, because I love them ;-;

Qyzen: Stung by Aria’s betrayal and “leaves” for a while, re-recruited to the Alliance as canon/in-game and the two eventually patch up their relationship (as best they can, but are not as close as before). Tharan/Holiday, Felix, Nadia and Zenith do not return in my fic-verse. They cut ties with Aria after they find out her true loyalties are to the Empire and not the Republic.

Vette: Stays with Aria, Saarai, Ni’kasi etc. initially, eventually goes missing during their searches for Vano and loses contact with the rest of them, ends up teaming up with Gault and returning canonically/as in-game.

Quinn: is court-martialled and thrown in prison after the Quinncident. Released sometime during the five-year carbonite shebang, becomes an officer/aide to Darth Vowrawn, later joins the Alliance along with Vowrawn on Iokath. He and Vano reconcile of sorts, though she no longer considers him a friend and simply a “tactical advisor”. Quinn knows he fucked up so he doesn’t dare complain about it, or Aria will absolutely E N D him.

Jaesa: stays with Aria and co,

4. If applicable: how your characters react if the Alliance joins the opposite faction on Iokath and after that? For example: how do Sith characters feel about joining the Republic? Will they stay or leave (if it’s too spoiler-ish, then feel free to skip this)?

Aria was never truly on the Republic’s side, so she very much supports joining the Empire. Saarai and Ni’kasi originally came from the Empire so of course they’re enthusiastic. Merak is skeptical, but trusts his sister (and sister-in-law) so doesn’t protest even though the Sith do scare him, a lot.

5. If applicable: if your Commander decides to be a saboteur, would they tell anyone (PC or companions)? Why/why not?

Haven’t got this far yet to be able to plan this out, lemme get back to you when I do lol

6. How would your characters react if one of their companions is exiled or dead because of Outlander’s choices? For example: sith warrior’s reaction if Commander doesn’t save Vette?

Aria pretty much only cared about Qyzen out of her companions, he comes back fine in the end so she’s a-okay. Other than that the only person she would be deeply affected by losing again is Vano herself. She will fucking kill as many someones as she can get to before Saarai stops her if they let her wife go bye bye again.

don’t have a bounty hunter to be upset about Torian. I don’t hate him, he’s a great guy and I really enjoyed his character, but I cannot bring myself to not save Vette ;-; Vette and Vano have a sisterly-like relationship and her lock-picking etc. skills are very important to the Alliance. That Twi’lek ain’t dying on nobody’s watch hahahaha

haven’t yet had a chance to plan out anybody else’s, don’t think there are any choices in game (or that I’ve planned out in the slightly-altered fic timeline) that would affect this. May change as I get that far ahead and add or change things to fit!

7. If you have something written about anything from the above (bc I know some people do), share the links to your works (again, if you feel like it)!

The only thing I have published out on the web atm is Aria’s part of the class story, “Creeping Shadows”, which is on AO3, go give it a read if you want (rated M for mature themes like mentions of drugs & alcohol and frequent swearing etc.):

Creeping Shadows on AO3

I have pretty much all of the rest planned out, I’m just a big dummy who likes to write chronologically and as of yet cannot manage to write multiple fics at once, I will get through every part of this fic if it kills me or takes me 20 years so help me god. If you wanna hear more about my dumb children you can also DM me I could literally yell stuff about them for hours on end 😆😆

#swtor #star wars: the old republic #swtor worldbuilding #swtor headcanon #subterfuge series #subterfuge headcanon #swtor kotfe #swtor kotet #aria and vano also have two pet tuk'ata named chwûq and taral #but i didn't know where in the answers to put them #they used to belong to aria's father darth noctis (non canon darth nox)#but attached to aria when her father got killed by baras during the sw class story instead #i have a crap ton of stuff on this fic verse ive been writing stuff for them for like 5 years #SHYUDGYUDGYUDGFYD #i haven't updated the fic in a while but i swear im always plotting and planning for it #one day i'll get there #it's not abandoned #i will finish the entire series one day if it kills me #this stupid dumb space opera is the longest thing i've ever worked on and i love it #swtor fanfic #swtor fanfiction #sith warrior #sith inquisitor #jedi consular

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dark-and-twisty-01 · 5 years ago

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This has to be the saddest podcast I have ever listened to and I wanted to share this with you because I haven't come across many cases like this where the innocent have been executed for crimes they did not commit. It hurts knowing that Carlos died in pain and couldn't ask for help due to the drugs in his body. The botched execution lasted for 11 minutes whilst Carlos was promised a peaceful death by his last friend who he had asked to hold his hand, he wasn't allowed to hold his hand so he held his leg reassuring him.

Carlos DeLuna was arrested, aged 20, on 4 February 1983 for the brutal murder of a young woman, Wanda Lopez. She had been stabbed once through the left breast with an 8in lock-blade buck knife which had cut an artery causing her to bleed to death. From the moment of his arrest until the day of his death by lethal injection six years later, DeLuna consistently protested he was innocent. He went further – he said that though he hadn't committed the murder, he knew who had. He even named the culprit: a notoriously violent criminal called Carlos Hernandez.

At his 1983 trial, Carlos DeLuna told the jury that on the day of the murder he'd run into Hernandez, who he'd known for the previous five years. The two men, who both lived in the southern Texas town of Corpus Christi, stopped off at a bar. Hernandez went over to a gas station, the Shamrock, to buy something, and when he didn't return DeLuna went over to see what was going on.

DeLuna told the jury that he saw Hernandez inside the Shamrock wrestling with a woman behind the counter. DeLuna said he was afraid and started to run. He had his own police record for sexual assault – though he had never been known to possess or use a weapon – and he feared getting into trouble again.

"I just kept running because I was scared, you know." When he heard the sirens of police cars screeching towards the gas station he panicked and hid under a pick-up truck where, 40 minutes after the killing, he was arrested.

At the trial, DeLuna's defence team told the jury that Carlos Hernandez, not DeLuna, was the murderer. But the prosecutors ridiculed that suggestion. They told the jury that police had looked for a "Carlos Hernandez" after his name had been passed to them by DeLuna's lawyers, without success. They had concluded that Hernandez was a fabrication, a "phantom" who simply did not exist. The chief prosecutor said in summing up that Hernandez was a "figment of DeLuna's imagination".

Four years after DeLuna was executed, Liebman decided to look into the DeLuna case as part of a project he was undertaking into the fallibility of the death penalty. He asked a private investigator to spend one day – just one day – looking for signs of the elusive Carlos Hernandez.

By the end of that single day the investigator had uncovered evidence that had eluded scores of Texan police officers, prosecutors, defense lawyers and judges over the six years between DeLuna's arrest and execution. Carlos Hernandez did indeed exist.

Liebman's investigator tracked down within a few hours a woman who was related to both the Carloses. She supplied Hernandez's date of birth, which in turn allowed the unlocking of Hernandez's criminal past as the case rapidly unravelled.

With the help of his students, Liebman began to piece together a profile of Hernandez. He was an alcoholic with a history of violence, who was always in the company of his trusted companion: a lock-blade buck knife.

Over the years he was arrested 39 times, 13 of them for carrying a knife, and spent his entire adult life on parole. Yet he was almost never put in prison for his crimes – a disparity that Liebman believes was because he was used as a police informant. "Its hard to understand what happened without that piece of the puzzle," Liebman says.

Several of the crimes that Hernandez committed involved hold-ups of Corpus Christi gas stations. Just a few days before the Shamrock murder he was found cowering outside a nearby 7-Eleven wielding a knife – a detail never disclosed to DeLuna's defence.

He also had a history of violence towards women. He was twice arrested on suspicion of the 1979 murder of a woman called Dahlia Sauceda, who was stabbed and then had an "X" carved into her back. The first arrest was made four years before DeLuna's trial and the second while DeLuna was on death row, yet the connection between this Hernandez and the "phantom" presented to DeLuna's jury was never made.

In October 1989, just two months before DeLuna was executed, Hernandez was setenced to 10 years' imprisonment for attempting to kill with a knife another woman called Dina Ybanez. Even then, no one thought to alert the courts or Texas state as it prepared to put DeLuna to death.

Hernandez himself frequently told people that he was a knife murderer. He made numerous confessions to having killed Wanda Lopez, the crime for which DeLuna was executed, joking with friends and relatives that his "tocayo" had taken the fall. His admissions were so widely broadcast that even Corpus Christi police detectives came to hear about them within weeks of the incident at the Shamrock gas station. Yet this was the same Carlos Hernandez who prosecutors told the jury did not exist. This was the figment of Carlos DeLuna's imagination.

Many other glaring discrepancies also stand out in the DeLuna case. He was put on death row largely on the eyewitness testimony of one man, Kevan Baker, who had seen the fight inside the Shamrock and watched the attacker flee the scene.

Yet when Baker was interviewed 20 years later, he said that he hadn't been that sure about the identification as he had trouble telling one Hispanic person apart from another.

Then there was the crime-scene investigation. Detectives failed to carry out or bungled basic forensic procedures that might have revealed information about the killer. No blood samples were collected and tested for the culprit's blood type.

Fingerprinting was so badly handled that no useable fingerprints were taken. None of the items found on the floor of the Shamrock – a cigarette stub, chewing gum, a button, comb and beer cans – were forensically examined for saliva or blood.

There was no scraping of the victim's fingernails for traces of the attacker's skin. When Liebman and his students studied digitally enhanced copies of crime scene photographs, they were amazed to find the footprint from a man's shoe imprinted in a pool of Lopez's blood on the floor – yet no effort was made to measure it.

"There it was," says Liebman. "The murderer had left his calling card at the scene, but it was never used."

Even the murder weapon, the knife, was not properly examined, though it was covered in blood and flesh.

Other photographs show Lopez's blood splattered up to three feet high on the walls of the Shamrock counter. Yet when DeLuna's clothes and shoes were tested for traces of blood, not a single microscopic drop was found. The prosecution said it must have been washed away by the rain.

There appeared to have been an unseemly scramble to wrap up the crime scene. Less than two hours after the murder happened, the police chief in charge of the homicide investigation ordered all detectives to quit the Shamrock and allowed its owner to wash it down, sweeping away vital evidence that could have saved a man's life.

The exceptionally lax treatment of evidence continued even beyond the grave. When Liebman asked to see all the stored evidence in the case, so that he could subject it to the DNA testing that was not available to investigators in 1983, he was told that it had all disappeared.

Having lived and breathed this case for so many years, Liebman says the most shocking thing about it was its ordinariness. "This wasn't the trial of OJ Simpson. It was an obscure case, the kind that could involve anybody. Maybe those are the cases where miscarriages of justice happen, the routine everyday cases where nobody thinks enough about the victim, let alone the defendant."

The groundbreaking work that the Columbia law school has done comes at an important juncture for the death penalty in America. Connecticut last month became the fifth state in as many years to repeal the ultimate punishment and support for abolition is gathering steam.

In that context, Liebman hopes his exhaustive work will encourage Americans to think more deeply about what is done in their name. All the evidence the Columbia team has gathered on the DeLuna case has been placed on the internet with open public access.

"We've provided as complete a set of information as we can about a pretty average case, to let the public make its own judgment. I believe they will make the judgment that in this kind of case there's just too much risk."

As for the tocayos Carloses, Carlos Hernandez died of natural causes in a Texas prison in May 1999, having been jailed for assaulting a neighbour with a 9in knife.

Carlos DeLuna commented on his own ending in a television interview a couple of years before his execution. "Maybe one day the truth will come out," he said from behind reinforced glass. "I'm hoping it will. If I end up getting executed for this, I don't think it's right."

I highly suggest listening to this podcast by Morbidology, I follow them on Tumblr and they're amazing and I share a lot of their content on my Facebook page. So maybe check them out and give them a follow. Their tumblr is @congenitaldisease

#Podcast #morbidology #Carlos Deluna #lethal injection #death penalty #innocent man #true crime writer #true crime community #true crime blog #true crimes #true crime #tcc real crime #real crime blog #real crimes #real crime

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mind-reader1 · 6 years ago

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Queen of Hearts (Ch.8)

Drake x MC (Emma Barnes)

TRR AU: What would happen if Emma loved Drake but had to marry Liam?

Catch up here

Warnings: Some cursing, NSFW

Note: It’s a long chapter, but I hope you enjoy! Also thanks for all the incredible love and support I received from the last chapter! It REALLY means a lot to see it so thank you!!!!! <3 <3 Also, if you would like to be added to the tag list please let me know, I’ll be more than happy to do so! (Or removed)

Word Count: 3834

Summary: It’s the day of the Five Kingdoms Festival, but not everything goes as planned. Drake tries to help Emma unwind a bit and they reveal they’ve both been struggling since the attack at the Homecoming ball.

Chapter 8: Army (Lady Antebellum)

On the front line, she's a statue, a safe place to run to The strength I need to get through every day

So if anybody thinks I'm a hero When they watch me walk right into the flames I'm just marching to the sound of her heartbeat Yeah, I'm a soldier but if I'm a solider She's an army, an army, an army Yeah, she's an army, an army, an army

I ain't never been one to back down for the battle, yeah And she knows that better than anyone When I'm under fire when it's down to the wire I know she's my loaded gun

Down in the boutique, Bertrand frantically searched through the racks before finding the perfect outfit. A royal blue blazer with a pink satin blouse underneath, tucked into some black pants with a Cordonian broach to complete the look.

“It’s perfect Bertrand, thank you.”

Liam held his arm out to Emma and smiled.

“We should be getting to the festival then.” She took his arm and they strolled out. Citizens and nobles mingled among the various booths, full of food and drink, and some games. Mara nodded, giving them the all-clear, the festival was safe. Emma took a look around and noticed that despite the size of the crowd, it was lacking energy. She spotted her friends over by the fountain and made her way over.

“Is it just me or does the festival seem to have a grey cloud hanging over it? This is a big deal.”

“It does. That's why it's so important for all of us to be seen out here enjoying ourselves. If we don't feel safe in the wake of the attack, then there's no reason they should either.”

“So, as the King, you're ordering us to have fun?” Maxwell grinned.

“If we plan our time carefully, we can make it to every booth!” Hana began working on a plan in her head.

“Wait. I signed up for a good time, not a fixed schedule.” Before Hana could defend her idea, Olivia strolled up.

“Emma, I see you're okay.” Emma rushed over and pulled Olivia into a hug. She stood there stiffly, just briefly returning the embrace before Emma let go.

“Don't ever do that again.” She scowled.

“I'm happy to see you too.” Press snapped pictures as Olivia straightened out her dress.

“How did you get out of the ball? I didn't see you after the lights came back on.”

“I was in the back of the crowd. Almost got trampled by a bunch of fleeing nobles, far more dangerous than those mask-wearing cowards.”

“I thought you were leaving court. Does this mean you've decided to stay after all?”

“I have. You and Liam could use all the support you can get right now. A few men who choose to hide behind masks won't scare away a Nevrakis. I should be off though, shame anyone who dares think it's okay to turn their backs on the King.”

“Well, she seems to be doing fine.” Emma turned back to her friends.

“I have to go tend to some last-minute arrangements before the press conference. Before I go, as King, I have decided that Hana gets to pick the first activity.” Drake began to protest.

“It's okay Drake, I'm picking archery. It can't be that hard!” A few rounds in, Maxwell and Drake still hadn't hit their targets, but Hana had made almost every shot perfectly.

“Of course, Hana excels at everything,” Drake grumbled.

“Are those scary targets getting to you, Drake? It's okay you can tell us.” Emma teased.

“They're part of Cordonian history. A symbol of the defeat over evil.” Hana said.

“I don't think it's symbolic if you have to lecture me about it.”

“Show him how it's done, Emma!” Hana handed over a bow and arrow. Emma faced down the target when there was a loud pop behind her in the crowd. Her grip loosened on the arrow but she forced herself not to flinch. She saw Drake flinch and grab his shoulder out of the corner of her eye. Taking a deep breath, she adjusted her grip on the arrow and let it fly, it found it's true target. The crowd around them applauded and Emma let out a breath she had been holding in.

“You okay?” She whispered to Drake. He nodded and took a few deep breaths to steel his nerves. When she looked around she found the source of the noise, a child whose balloon had popped and was now crying over it.

“We're safe.” She squeezed his hand and he nodded.

“Hana, have you made every bull's-eye?” Maxwell gawked.

“Yes! I've had plenty of free time to explore new hobbies since I'm no longer doing what my parents expect of me.”

“I've had enough of this. I'm picking our next stop.” Drake meandered over to the makeshift bar. Emma started to follow when Mara came running up.

“Emma!” she turned to see a hooded figure running towards her. Mara was getting ready to tackle him, but Emma realized it was just a man in a Five kingdoms costume.

“Mara stop!” Mara skid to a halt just before she was going to tackle him. The crowd let out relieved sighs as the man obliviously ran by to a pie station.

“I'm sorry your Grace. He was moving too quickly.” Emma took a deep breath and smiled, reminding herself to stay calm for the people.

“It's okay, Mara. No one got hurt. We're all fine.” Emma said finally joining her friends.

“Drink tasting huh? It's not just Cordonian apple cider and apple juice?” Drake grinned.

“No! One of the ancient kingdoms brewed an ale that was decent. It was called the Skullcracker ale.” Emma raised an eyebrow.

“You want to drink something that has Skullcracker in the name?”

“Their descendants are keeping up the tradition.” Drake took a pint of dark ale and passed out cider to everyone else.

“To making Cordonia proud.” Hana held up her glass and everyone followed suit. The cider was sweet with a sour aftertaste that made Emma want to drink more.

“How's your shoulder, Drake?” Emma asked.

“It's getting better every day.”

“Good. I hope you know how grateful I am Drake. How grateful we all are, Cordonia especially. The country owes you and your family a lot.”

“If you say so, Barnes.”

“You're worth more than all these stuffy nobles combined.” Drake snickered.

“I can think of lots of people who'd disagree with that.”

“Fuck them all, Drake. They're all wrong.”

“Maybe you're right, Barnes.” Drake's lips began to twitch into a smile.

“Of course, she's right Drake! We've finished our drinks though, let's go bob for apples!” Maxwell practically skipped over to the apple bobbing station.

“So, what’s the history behind this? Was there a great famine and the nation survived off of only apples?” Drake snickered at the sarcastic comment.

“Actually, it’s just kind of a national pride thing.” Maxwell shrugged. One by one their friends approached a bucket, except for Maxwell. He shuffled, squatted, and stood, mumbling something to himself about angles.

“What are you doing, Maxwell?”

“The queen to be bobbing for apples, it’s the perfect photo op!” Emma rolled her eyes.

“Not everything has to be about the press Maxwell, you’re starting to sound like Bertrand. Today is about having fun! Come on, try to get an apple!” Emma spotted the perfect apple, a Cordonian Ruby floating near the surface, she leaned in and carefully bit the apple, pulling it up for everyone to see. The crowd cheered, and the press snapped pictures as she took a bite. People finally began to approach the booths, encouraged by the other's participation. Maxwell sat up with an apple in his mouth, beaming.

“I got one!”

“Nice work.” Liam strolled up.

“Are you going to join?” Hana asked.

“Unfortunately, not this time. I’m here to fetch Lady Emma, official business.”

“Right, the press conference.” She wiped the water off her chin and followed Liam to the small podium set up by the entrance to the palace. The press was already waiting, eager to hear what they may have to say. Liam began with his opening remarks about the festival being a symbol of strength and unity, leading right into Emma’s announcement.

“Now. I believe Duchess Emma would like to make an announcement while we are on the topic of unity.” Emma stepped forward to the front of the podium giving Liam a warm smile.

“We would like to announce that despite recent events, King Liam and I will still be moving forward with plans for our wedding. That being said, we are announcing a sort of engagement unity tour. We will be visiting all the noble houses of Cordonia to personally invite them to our wedding which will be taking place at the end of the tour.”

“Trend will also be running an exclusive with their engagement photos and some behind the scenes of the wedding planning.” Ana de Luca added.

“That’s correct, thank you, Ana. I’m sure you all have plenty of questions about the tour.” Reporters near Ana clambered to try and get a first look at the engagement photos when someone finally asked the question that had been on everyone’s mind.

“How safe is Cordonia after the attack on the palace?” Emma and Liam shared a look, she decided to take the question.

“I understand that many of you are still nervous. The royal guard and King Liam are doing everything in their power to prevent another attack and find those responsible.”

“Thank you, Duchess Emma, I’m sure the Cordonian people will feel safer just hearing that.” Liam flashed Emma a grateful smile as the press continued to ask another question, but they were interrupted by the sound of a news alert going off across everyone’s phone. Emma was suddenly reminded of the night the pictures of Tariq in her room leaked, she knew it couldn’t be good.

It was a video from the attackers, they wore the same tactical masks they used the night they attacked the homecoming ball. They accused Liam of being unfit to rule as they felt he was part of an already corrupt family, they demanded that he give up the throne or else there would be blood. The festival around them erupted into chaos. Reporters on their phones with editors, people running around looking for their children, the calm that had settled over the crowd was gone.

“If everyone could please remain calm.” Liam tried to gain control of the crowd, but it was no use, the people were scared, and frankly, so was Emma, but she knew she needed to do something.

“Listen up!” she yelled in her booming New Yorker voice, demanding the attention of everyone, the crowd fell silent.

“Thank you. This video is very disturbing, but I promise that we will do everything we can to find those who are responsible for it.” Liam looked out on the crowd, his face set with determination and anger. No one threatened his people and got away with it.

“What about their demands, King Liam? Are you going to give up the throne?” The question caught Liam off guard.

“What kind of King would he be if he did? Only a weak king would give in to the demands of men who can’t even show their faces when they threaten us. Liam would never allow Cordonia to fall into the hands of such cruel people and you shouldn’t be asking him to.” Liam stepped up alongside Emma.

“Emma is right. I will never give in to the demands of terrorists!”

“Forgive me for asking your Majesty. I’m sure that our readers and all of Cordonia will feel safe, knowing the crown is dealing with this threat.” Liam nodded and they both waved to the crowd, the sound of clapping surprised them. Despite the video that had rattled the attendees, they were reassured by Liam and Emma’s words.

Later that evening, Bertrand came rushing up.

“I saw what happened today. It was a PR miracle.” Emma sighed.

“I’m glad we were able to make the crowd listen and put them at ease, not that it’s done anything for my nerves.”

“We got lucky today, it confirmed what I thought, we need to get you a new press secretary until this is resolved.” Emma rubbed her fingers against her temple, she really didn’t want another person telling her what to do, she’d had enough of that over the past few days.

“I can handle myself, Bertrand. I think today made that very clear, besides, House Beaumont can’t afford it.” Bertrand shook his head.

“It’s a necessary expense Lady Emma, despite how ready you think you are. I have the perfect candidate in mind, but I’ll need to make some phone calls before moving forward. Goodnight Lady Emma.” She sighed and started to head back to her room, it had been a very long day. Before she could get there though she ran smack into Liam.

“Lady Emma.” He nodded.

“Liam.” She started to walk away but stopped.

“I wanted to thank you, for not lecturing me and Drake about the orchard earlier. We really are being careful, I just needed some fresh air and didn’t realize he’d followed me.” Liam sighed and gave her a small smile.

“You handled it well Emma, just please do try to be more careful on the grounds. We can’t have this blowing up in our faces before it’s even started. That being said, you really helped me with the press today, so thank you.” Emma gave him a small smile and nodded.

“Goodnight, Liam.”

“Goodnight, Emma.” She rounded the corner to her room and groaned, she could see a figure lurking in the shadows outside of her door.

“What now?” As she got closer, she realized it was Drake and relaxed.

“Drake. What are you doing here?”

“I figured, you’d had a really long day and maybe you’d want to relax?”

“Does this relaxing involve alone time with you?” Drake mischievously grinned.

“It can.”

“Lead the way.” She followed Drake to an upper level of the palace and into a deluxe bathroom. A deep bathtub, countertops that glittered with gold trim and fresh white towels.

“This is more impressive that my favorite spa in New York.” Drake grinned and began filling the tub with hot water.

“Sometimes it pays to live at the palace. As nice as that outfit looks on you, I think you're overdressed for this occasion.”

“You're one to talk.”

“I came here for a bath Barnes, I'm getting there.”

“Well with your injured shoulder you're moving a little slower, how about I help you out a little bit?”

“I wouldn't mind.” Emma smiled and pushed Drake up against the counter with her body. She started with his shirt, sliding her fingers up his bare chest she pulled the shirt with them, carefully slipping it off without hurting his arm. His bandage still wrapped tightly around his body, she nibbled at the skin on the edges of it. Drake moaned softly and pulled her head up so he could kiss her deeply as he fumbled with her shirt. When she pulled away, she could clearly see the dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn't been sleeping well either. She thought about asking him but decided she'd rather enjoy the moment, so she unbuckled his belt, sliding his pants down. As she made her way back up, she ran her hand up his leg, to the inside of his thigh before stopping to grab his cock that was starting to get hard. Drake gasped in surprise and Emma let go.

“You like to take a hands-on approach to helping don't you, Barnes?” Emma winked and took a step back to take off her the rest of her clothes.

“Stop. I only think it's fair I return the favor.” Drake started just under her ear, kissing the sensitive skin down her neck and chest until reaching her bra. He expertly unhooked it with one hand and flung it to the side, teasing her nipples with his tongue before continuing his trail of kisses down her stomach. Emma could feel the heat pooling inside her as he kissed above the waistband of her pants. He carefully unbuckled them and began pulling them down. Emma was even more excited, thinking he was going to kiss her clit, but he surprised her by kissing down the inside of things to above just her knee. He stopped, and Emma kicked off her pants, frustrated.

“Is the water ready yet?” Drake knew he had gotten her all riled up, he could tell by her snappy tone. It was payback for all the times she had done it to him. Emma stepped into the water at one side of the tub and Drake in the other. She could feel the tension leaving her muscles as she sat there in the tub with her eyes closed.

“How'd you find this place?”

“I was searching for Liam one time, playing hide and seek, stumbled upon it. After the long day you had, I thought you might want to relax and this seemed like the perfect spot.”

“Thank you, Drake.” Emma slipped her head under the water and when she came up, she reached for the shampoo bottle.

“Let me.” Drake scooted up behind her and began lathering the shampoo into her hair with gentle circles, the roughness of his calloused hands a welcome contrast to his soft touch.

“That feels amazing.” She leaned back against him.

“I'm not always rough, Barnes.” Emma slid back under the water to rinse her hair.

“Are you feeling more relaxed now?” Emma just sighed in response.

“Definitely. Except I could do with some more kisses.”

“I can definitely help with that.” Drake spun her around and she straddled him, diving in for a kiss. It was sloppy, Emma's hair sliding down in front of her face. They laughed as Emma pushed it aside.

“Where were we?” Drake grabbed both sides of her face as Emma tangled her fingers in his hair, eliciting a groan from him as she rocked her hips against his.

“You know,” he pulled away breathless, “I was thinking we should pick up where we left off before we got in here.”

“I was thinking the same thing.” Drake shifted Emma so he was deep inside her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and threw her head back as she began rocking her hips against his, his cock hitting her g-spot every time.

“Barnes.” Drake found his rhythm and began moving in sync with her.

“Yes, Drake.” She could feel herself coming undone, Drake knew it too as she raked her fingernails down his back. He increased his pace.

“Fuck!” Emma screamed in surprise and pleasure. They came together, calling out each other's names. When the waves of pleasure stopped they took a minute to catch their breath.

“That's how you unwind.” Drake's voice cracked as Emma climbed out of the tub. Emma smirked and grabbed a towel.

“I couldn't agree more.” She helped him towel off, careful again not to get too close to his injured shoulder. When she was done, he dried her off and pulled her into his arms.

“It's late. We should get some sleep.” Emma wiggled her arm out of his grip and cupped his cheek in her hand. He leaned into her touch and closed his eyes.

“You haven't been sleeping well, have you?” Drake let her go and turned his back, getting dressed.

“Drake, there are circles under your eyes. Talk to me.” He sighed.

“I wake up almost every night in a cold sweat. I keep seeing the gun pointed at you, I jump in front of it but I'm too late. Then I wake up and you're not there, I begin to worry that the nightmare is real.” He squeezed his eyes shut and Emma felt a tear roll down her cheek.

“Drake.” She whispered, grabbing his hand and putting it on her chest over her beating heart. He opened his eyes and she saw his tears.

“I'm alive. I'm here. You saved me.” He kissed her forehead and waited for her to get dressed. They walked to her room in silence and Emma considered telling him about her own nightmares.

“Goodnight Em.” Em. He rarely ever called her that, it was something reserved for just the two of them.

“Drake, wait.” She grabbed his hand and pulled him into her room.

“I have nightmares too. You're lying in my arms, bloody and not moving. I keep trying to wake you up, but it doesn't work. I can never save you. I wake up and I know it's not real, but I can't fall back asleep, it feels too real. Every time I close my eyes, I see you lying there. She latched onto him and breathed in his scent, a strange mix of freshly cut wood and whiskey, she knew that if she asked him to stay with her that he would. She also knew that there'd be consequences, to hell with them she thought. The only way they were going to get any kind of sleep was with each other. The last time she had slept through the night was in Drake's arms at the safehouse.

“What are you saying, Barnes?”

“I'm saying I want you to stay with me tonight and to hell with anyone who has something to say about it.” Drake grinned and watched Emma pat the bed next to her. He climbed on and pulled her as close as possible. He easily fell into a deep sleep to the sound of her even breathing, it didn't stop the nightmares, but he was always able to fall back asleep. Emma didn't wake once, not even when Drake's breathing was ragged against her back. The next morning Emma woke up in Drake's arms and felt well-rested but all the bravado she had about someone finding out what gone. She checked the time and panicked, roughly shaking Drake awake.

“Huh? What?” He sat up abruptly and looked around before he realized it was Emma shaking him.

“Barnes? Where's the fire?” Drake was not a morning person, neither was Emma.

“You need to go!” She whispered jumping off the bed. Drake scowled.

“Morning to you too.” he climbed off the bed and went to the bathroom, Emma groaned and chased after him.

“Drake!” She whispered furiously, knocking on the door. She didn't have to be in there with him to know he was rolling his eyes.

“It was such a nice night, why are you so cranky this morning?” He asked emerging from the bathroom finally. Emma sighed and checked the clock again.

“I'm not!” She snapped and instantly regretted it. “I'm sorry. I had a wonderful night Drake, I slept well. I just need you to go before someone comes to wake me up. We should at least try to make an effort for Liam's sake. She flashed him the same smile that got him, every time.

“Okay Barnes, I see your point. Can I come back tonight? I haven't slept that well in a long time.”

“Only if you don't get us caught!” she stuck her head out the door and glanced down the hall and motioned for Drake that it was safe to go. Drake slipped past her and Emma smacked his butt playfully on the way out. Drake turned around surprised and shook his head, a smile playing at his lips, as Emma winked at him.

Tag List: @notoriouscs @sleepwalkingelite @brightpinkpeppercorn @ooo-barff-ooo @princesstopgun @choicesyouplayandmore @leelee10898 @roonarific @indigo39 @skyila @speedyoperarascalparty @andy-loves-corgis @furiousherringoperatortoad @blackwidow2721 @drakewalkerfics @findingdrake @sue9659 @smritysriv

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strad-214 · 6 years ago

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Ocarina of Time Fan Fic: Chapter 2: Back to Normal?

Sorry that I'm posting this later than I promised. Like I said, college student, I have my priorities. Also, still havn't fixed that of italics issue, so, the inner thoughts are still indistinguishable from the narrative, sorry. Again, if anybody reading this has depression issues, PTSD of any kind, or survivor's guilt, please don't read this story line. And if you do suffer from such, remember that you are loved and never alone.

*************************************************

Link and Zelda, together again.... sort of. She wasn't the same Zelda he knew, she was... different somehow. They were both different somehow. Link couldn't place his finger on it, but he feared that the lack of a real danger was enough to change how they would come together.

The one remarkable thing was that he was able to convince her to hear him out; Link told her everything. She didn't remember exactly, but she believed his story and understood what had happened, even though "there is no man named Ganondorf." Second week being back, told anyone who would listen, hearing that in response was getting old.

No matter... Link thought to himself. Impa and Zelda believe me, that's all that matters. Impa even seemed to imply that she knew exactly what Link was talking about. Perhaps, one day, she would reveal more.

Well, one day came, and instead of Impa revealing more, the King suddenly was swayed. Three months in being back and serving the King as the youngest soldier in the King's service, Link received a summons to come to the castle. Once again, Link packed for the trip and left Kokiri Forest for the castle with Epona. As the pair walked to the castle, he thought of how Epona had come to him right away when he visited Lon Lon Ranch for "the first time". She almost seemed to recognize him. For this, Epona immediently bacame the most precious thing to him, and Malon and Talon where more than happy to give her away to him. She was still too small to ride, but walking around Hyrule together was more than enough for him.

After staying at Lon Lon Ranch for the night, Link arrived at the castle by noon on the second day. He took Epona to the stable where Zelda was no doubt waiting for him... but when Link dropped off Epona, she wasn't there. Concern immediately invaded his thoughts. He grabbed one of the stable men and asked him where Zelda was.

"How should I know brat? Get out of here!" The man pushed Link out of the way and muscled by. It took every ounce of self control not to shout at the man, Link kept forgetting that he was now a young adult trapped in a boy's body.

After cooling off, Link wandered around the castle, trying to find anyone who could direct him. But the usually bustling castle seemed desolate now. What happened here... he wondered. Perhaps the Gerudo King was here and now he was too late to stop him.

Link rushed to the audience chamber with sword and shield drawn, he didn't know what he was getting himself into, but he knew he was going to do what he could to prevent--

Trumpets blared as he entered the front of the audience chamber and what must've been every knight and guard and towns-folk in Hyrule stood at attention. At the end of the room, in front of his throne, stood the King of Hyrule and Zelda stood at his side.

"Link!" The King called down the hall. "Step foreword, son." Stunned, and incredibly confused, Link sheathed his weapons and humbly walked down the hall of Knights and soldiers. He now stood before the King and Zelda who in her arms held a pillow upon which sat a silver ring inlaid with an emerald.

"Kneel before me." The King ordered. Link immediately obeyed. The King held out his hand over Link's head

"The visions that we were blind to would have come to pass where it not for you and and my daughter. We, now know this." Link glanced up and six old, bearded men in robes stepped foreword baring the seals of the six temples around their necks. This reality's sages.... Link thought.

"Hyrule owes you a debt it could never re-pay, Hero of Time." The King bestowed. "Rise, Ser Link, and take your signant ring." Link stood up and found Zelda standing before him. She had a large smile on her face

"Congratulations!" She whispered excitedly in the smallest voice. She bowed her head as Link gently took the ring and examined it. It looked just like the Spiritual Stone, the Kokiri's Emerald. "Put it on!" She whispered! Link nodded and did as he was told.

"Accepting this ring makes you, Ser Link, the sole protector of Hyrule. May we prosper under your careful watch!" The King stepped forward now and addressed the mass of people.

"Good people of Hyrule! I present to you, Link! The Hero of Time!" The Audience Chamber erupted in thunderous applause. Link wasn't even sure how to react, his whole body felt numb. According to this reality, nothing actually happened, so... I don't actually deserve this.... Link stood there feeling ashamed as ackalaides washed over him, acknowledging that he just undid what his Zelda had sacrificed for him.

***

"-- and you will need to appear at court when matters of Hyrule's security are to be discussed." The right hand advisor to the King had been informing Link of the duties that came with this new authority. The party that followed Link's awarding was proving to be less of a party for him and more of a lecture. Everyone else was roaming around and talking, even the King and Zelda were. Not Link, Link was getting told how to run his own life again.

"Yea yea, I get it. Might we do this some other time?" Link finally requested.

"Oh, of course! I would be delighted to continue this conversation at another point in time, Ser Link." The right hand acknowledged. Link just looked at him and blinked.

".... don't call me that." He muttered as he stormed off and out of the audience chamber. He headed off towards the stables to get Epona; he already had enough of this and wanted things to go back to the way they were.... the way they were....

He caressed Epona's snout tenderly and contemplated on dropping the ring here and leaving forever. He contemplated on just going into the Lost Woods and never coming out again. "... but then I wouldn't have you, would I? I could never ask you to leave home like that." He assured Epona out loud.

"Why would you leave?" Zelda's small voice reached Link's ears. He sighed and turned around to see the Princess standing there looking concerned.

"I... I just needed some air. I couldn't take that party anymore." He tried to assure her. But he wasn't even convincing himself.

"You said leave home. Why would you leave Hyrule?" Zelda asked. "I thought you wanted this...."

"I didn't... well, not like this anyway." Link answered. "I didn't want to be given any honors, I didn't want to be celebrated. I just... just..."

"Just what?"

"I don't know, okay?" He insisted. Zelda took a step back, she looked hurt by this. He almost didn't care... but the look on her face was destroying him. ".... I'm sorry, I just... I don't know what to make of my new reality... it's so hard...."

"I understand. " Zelda said strongly, walking towards him now. "You're scared..."

".... yes, very." Link admitted.

"Courage is acting even though one is horrified." Zelda wrapped her arm around his shoulders and stood at his side. "You taking that ring is proof, you are very courageous, Ser Link." Link blushed and scowled.

"Do you have to call me that?" He asked.

"You'll get used to it." Zelda assured as she kissed his cheek. At that very moment, Link felt relief, more relief than he had felt since he had gotten back, and she could tell.

"Feel better?" She ask.

"... yea, a little." A small smile found it's way on to his face.

"Good!" She now completely hugged him, and he hugged her back. Her embrace felt like home. He hadn't felt this happy since Sheik revealed himself to be Zelda on the other side. She stood back and looked him in the eye, a playful smile lit up her face.

"Tomorrow morning is the first day you would need to be in court, then, after that, you and I are going to go on an adventure!" She declaired happily.

"Where?" Link asked, suddenly excited by the prospect of exploring.

"Let's start with Castle Town and see where the day takes us!" Zelda suggested. "See you tomorrow! Don't wander too far, you need to be here bright and early tomorrow morning!" Zelda bounced off back into the castle.

Link fondly started remembering how he and Zelda first met last time; they ran into each other in Castle Town and she was in disguise, they played all day and had a wonderful time.

That can happen again.... Link wondered. Everything seems to be returning to normal. He thought. The presence of the ring on his hand drew him to look at it again. .... almost normal.

*************************************************

This is an edit to the post: Hope you all enjoyed the set up! The rest is going to come in waves as I have a lot to do... often. Shout out to @linkeduniverse for inspiring the story!

#the legend of zelda #link and zelda #zelink #ocarina of time #loz #my work #linkeduniverse #ocarina of time fan fiction

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mustafinaandhergirls · 7 years ago

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Here's Aly's statement that she was unable to read in court.

"Below is the statement that I was prepared to read at the sentencing hearing.

Realizing that you are a victim of sexual abuse is a horrible feeling. Words cannot adequately capture the level of disgust I feel when I think about how this happened. Larry abused his power and the trust I and so many others placed in him, and I am not sure I will ever come to terms with how horribly he manipulated and violated me.

Larry was the USA Gymnastics national team doctor and the U.S. Olympic Team doctor. He was trusted by so many and took advantage of countless athletes, and their families. The effects of his actions are far-reaching, since abuse goes way beyond the moment, often haunting survivors for the rest of their lives, making it difficult for them to trust others, and impacting their relationships. It is all the more devastating when such abuse comes at the hand of such a highly respected doctor, since it leaves victims questioning the organizations — and even the medical profession itself — upon which so many rely.

I am writing this letter to share some of my story, in hopes that it will help others understand the profound impact Larry’s abuse has had on me, how his betrayal of trust has changed me and how his actions years ago continue to affect my daily life.

From the age of eight, all I wanted to do was go to the Olympics. I loved gymnastics with all my heart, and worked as hard as I could. Larry, you knew how badly I wanted to be the best I could be, you knew how hard I worked, and that I would do absolutely anything to be on the team. You were my doctor, and like most people, I was taught to trust doctors. I believed that you had my best interests at heart, and you made sure that message was reinforced, insisting your inappropriate touch was for medical reasons and that your care would help me get to the Olympic Games. You promised me that you would heal my injuries. You gave me gifts to make me think you were a good person, to make me believe you were my friend. You were nice so that we would trust you, to make it easier for you to take advantage of so many people, including me. But you lied to me. You lied to all of us.

And because of you, I now have a hard time trusting other people. When I go to the doctor, especially a male doctor, I am scared and uncomfortable. Even if that doctor is recommended as the best, I am skeptical because I was told you were the best, and you certainly weren’t. I am afraid that another doctor will mistreat me and abuse his power like you did. In turn, I feel guilty that I harbor these doubts and suspicions.

This mistrust and guilt has had a very real impact on both my physical and mental well-being. For example, when I started to realize what Larry had done to me, I avoided certain treatments that gymnasts rely upon, especially during intense Olympic training. I should have gotten massages three times a week or so, but I was too afraid (even if the therapist was a woman). I lost confidence in my recovery, and this uncertainty began to undermine my training. Even today, I find myself scared that something bad will happen to me when I seek any medical treatment.

The stress of training to make an Olympic team and competing in the games is all-consuming, and success demands laser focus. As my training ramped up, my stress about the competition increased. But added to that was the stress that came with trying to come to terms with the abuse, and constantly wondering how such a thing ever could have happened. This added layer of stress was more than I could handle. It was as though I couldn’t begin to let myself believe what had happened to me. It was too much to bear.

I have come to realize that everyone deals with trauma differently. As a gymnast, we train to control our emotions under pressure. We become good at compartmentalizing. I became almost numb to my feelings. It was the only way I could survive the Olympic process. It was exhausting. The stress of constantly keeping certain thoughts in the back of my mind may have allowed me to focus in the moment, but it became more and more painful over time, both physically and emotionally. I knew when I finally allowed myself to feel again, it would be one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

I was right. When I allowed myself to start thinking about what Larry had done, I was overcome by anxiety. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, like someone was pushing on my chest and my throat was closing up. I couldn’t sleep well because I would have terrible nightmares. I never felt rested. The anxiety got so intense that I needed to see a doctor — a female — who prescribed anxiety medication so that I could function, and sleeping medication to help resolve my extreme exhaustion. After adjusting the dosages of some of the medication, I had a bad reaction and lost consciousness. I woke up to my terrified mom calling 911. I was loaded into an ambulance and taken to the hospital, where the doctors realized the issue was a side effect from one of the medications. My doctor has recommended that I try other medications to help me cope, but the trauma of what happened with those medications put me over the edge. It just added to the list of things I was anxious and stressed about.

After this experience, I decided I needed to allow myself to feel what I had been suppressing for so long. I had spent so much time and energy trying to block out all the pain and trauma, and I realized it was just too much for me to contain. It was the most difficult period in my life. I was exhausted, barely able to do things I loved. I had no energy. I felt sad, anxious and confused. I couldn’t understand how someone could be so evil. And, painfully, Larry and his actions made me hate gymnastics for a time. Larry, you made me feel so uncomfortable and sad, and you made me believe the sport had let me down.

I am trying now to take back my control, to remind myself that Larry has no power over me. It is never easy, but I am fighting to believe that the sport — which I do love — is independent of Larry and those who allowed him to do what he did. I’ve decided that I can’t let him take gymnastics away from me.

Despite my best efforts to regain control, I still have my triggers. My work requires frequent travel, and I feel anxious traveling by myself. I find myself constantly looking around, paranoid and afraid to be alone. When I am at a hotel by myself and I order room service, I worry a male will deliver the food. I’ve had to develop strategies and coping mechanisms. If a male knocks on the door, my heart begins to race. I hold the door open as he drops off the food and keep it open until he leaves. I often wonder if I am hurting their feelings by being so obviously distrusting of them. I always used to give people the benefit of the doubt, but if a decorated doctor who served on the national team for over 30 years turned out to be a monster, then how can I trust anybody? Now, I’ll often catch myself being scared that people I meet are like Larry. And I hate that. I hate that Larry took away my trust of others.

One of my best friends is also a victim of Larry — or a survivor, as I prefer to say. I thought we would be friends forever because we had gone through the best and worst moments together. But I think I remind her too much of what Larry did to us, and our friendship has suffered. Abuse isn’t something you can just bring up with anyone, and I often wonder if I ever will find anyone like her who gets me so well and knows just what to say to make me feel better.

This situation has also affected my relationship with my parents, with whom I’ve always been extremely close. Over the last year, so many of my conversations with my parents have been about dealing with the trauma of what happened. I’m so grateful for their love and support, and I know I wouldn’t be able to get through this without them, but I don’t want to talk about him all the time.

Still, there are so many moving parts to figuring out how to process and understand the abuse. While training I was often away from my family. Now that I finally have a more flexible schedule, I try to make up for lost time with my parents and siblings. I hate that Larry’s abuse has affected my relationship with my family, and how we interact. My sisters are in high school; one of them is in her senior year, a very exciting time. A lot of this past year has been about Larry, processing and dealing with his abuse. I try to discuss it with my parents when my sisters aren’t around, but sometimes they walk into a room when we are talking about it and I can’t help but feel bad that they have to worry about this. It is not fair. Abuse impacts the whole family.

I want more than anything to make sure the next generation never goes through something like this. I don’t want anyone to experience the pain, anxiety, fear and other horrible feelings that stem from abuse. Every 98 seconds another person experiences sexual assault, and sexual violence affects hundreds of thousands of Americans each year. That is hundreds of thousands too many. One in four girls and one in six boys will be molested before they turn 18. Too many abusers do horrible things and get away with it. Too many abusers are master manipulators, who somehow make those they abuse feel guilty. And worse, many find a way to convince adults to support and protect them. Larry’s abuse started 30 years ago. At least that is the first reported incident. In those 30 years, many survivors came forward about Larry’s abuse. Adult after adult, many in positions of authority, protected this monster, telling each survivor it was O.K., that Larry was not abusing them. Larry was decorated by USA Gymnastics, by the United States Olympic Committee — he was even named to an advisory board to come up with policies that would protect athletes from this kind of abuse! Knowing this is like being violated all over again. How many hundreds would have been saved if even one adult had listened and acted? It sickens me to know that for years and years, so many put an institution, or an organization, or medals, money and reputation, above the safety and welfare of young, innocent people. We must listen and take proper action. Shame on all those who actively protected Larry and shame on all those who looked the other way. Those who looked the other way are just as guilty. And shame on you, Larry, you are the worst example of humanity.

Maybe by speaking out, by sharing my story and the way my daily life continues to be impacted by Larry’s depraved actions, I can help other survivors feel less alone, less isolated, and encourage them to speak up and to get help.

I ask that you give Larry the strongest possible sentence (which his actions deserve), for by doing so, you will send a message to him and to other abusers that they cannot get away with their horrible crimes, that they will be exposed for the evil they are, and they will be punished to the maximum extent of the law. Maybe knowing that Larry is being held accountable for his abuse will help me and the other survivors feel less alone, like we’re being heard, and open up pathways for healing.

I hope today you impose the maximum sentence the court allows and I hope people begin to talk about how common and insidious abuse is. Every person we hold accountable for abuse makes a difference.

Thank you."

#aly raisman #what courage #larry nassar #TW - abuse #TW - child abuse #may he rot forevermore

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ivesundlillies · 7 years ago

Text

A Viking’s Vow: Part V

A little longer chapter for those of you who have been kind and patient enough to wait. The fires are partially contained and the chaos is beginning to die down, so hopefully more regular updates will be in the cards. Love you guys!!!

It had been two days since the fiasco in the tub, yet Ivar saw no signs of his wife's anger stopping. From the moment he had left her room the princess had been in an almost uncontrollable state of rage- enough that even the Viking himself, took pause. Sophia shouted and screamed at anybody who dared come near, no matter the intent; it was as if her husband's actions had unleashed some kind of a beast. Even from his room, the Viking could hear the sound of his wife shouting and things being thrown about. A part of him longed to go to her and apologize for what he had done, but what would he say? What could he do? He wasn't like his brothers; he couldn't run away if she threw something at him, he couldn't walk to her and hold her down until she calmed, and he certainly couldn't fuck her like she so blatantly desired.

Ivar continued cleaning his ax from his place on the bed, the space now feeling ridiculously large without his wife filling the other half. Even without sex, the Viking still longed to have his wife beside him again, he longed to cradle her while she slept and tell her more stories of the Gods while she relaxed in his hold.

"My Lord Ivar?" a knock sounded from outside of his door "The king requests your presence at once"

The Viking rolled his eyes. "Tell King Finehair that if he wishes to speak with me, he can get up off his ass and-"

"Not your king, my Lord. But our king, THE king, your father in law; the king of Hispania. He wishes to see you in his private chambers"

Why would Sophia's father want to see him? He had scarcely spoken to the man since he had landed here, had barely looked at him or breathed his name; what could he possibly want? Unless... unless he had somehow found out about Sophia. Did he know that they hadn't truly consummated their marriage? Had Sophia told her father something terrible about him to have him punished? Was he going to try and kill him?

"My Lord?" the servant called out once more.

It was best to play it calm, as his father had when he had been captured by King Ecgbert's men; do not fight, do not resist, do not give them a reason to hurt you. He could stay calm, he could be rational and deal with the king in a respectful manner, without showing his fear.

"Yes, yes I am coming" he replied, sliding down to the floor.

Thousands of scenarios ran through the cripple's head as he crawled towards his fate, wondering how his death was going to happen and what the repercussions would be. If it was slow and he was tortured, his brothers might rally enough men to avenge him. If it was quick and justified, then only the Gods knew what would happen...

"Just this way, my Lord" the servant directed, sounding deliberately neutral.

At that moment, the sound of something crashing came from overhead and Ivar flinched, stopping in his tracks when he heard the sound of his wife screaming in Spanish.

"Is the princess still angry?"

The servant nodded, with hooded eyes. "Yes, my Lord; extremely so. Now we must move along, the King does not like to be kept waiting... much like his daughter."

The last part of the man's statement was uttered so quietly, the Viking could have sworn he imagined it. A part of him wanted to lash out and scream in humiliation, though the better part knew how much worse it would make him look. He had to play this carefully or he would give away everything he and his bride had worked so hard to conceal.

They soon came upon a large door that required some effort by the servant to open, allowing the Viking to crawl towards what might be his final resting place. Ivar looked up from the floor and saw his father-in-law writing at a desk, flanked by his own personal guards. With them present, it would be difficult if he had to defend himself. He might be able to kill the king if it came to it, but his crippled body would not be able to withstand the will of three grown men, much less two soldiers trained to fight to the death in order to protect their king.

"I know I am the King of Hispania, but there is no need for you to grovel on the floor" he stated "Come, sit up in that chair next to me"

He made careful, deliberate movements so as not to alarm the guards as he climbed up to sit across from his father in law. Despite his usual bravery, the youngest Ragnarsson felt small and vulnerable next to his wife's father. It was similar to how he had felt with Ragnar; a cripple in the shadow of a great man, a king that could order him with a snap of his fingers, that could raise his confidence or bruise his ego with one word. It was unnerving, to say the least.

"Why do you stare at me, so?" the king inquired, still not looking up from his papers.

Ivar scrambled for an explanation. "Forgive me your highestness Majesty, I just- I see my wife's features in your face."

And it was the truth; while Sophia was fortunate to have earned her mother's plump lips and slender nose, the rest was all her father- the bright green eyes, the high cheekbones, the strong brows and piercing gaze... she herself would make a stunning queen one day.

The king chuckled. "Yes, that is true. And I apologize to her every day because of it."

A laugh escaped the Viking's lips before he could stop it, though the king did not seem offended. In fact, a bit of tension seemed to slip from his shoulders the longer the two men sat in each other's company.

"And you needn't call me 'Your Highness Majesty', or whatever form of it that you were trying to work your tongue around. When it is just you and I, or just the family; you may call me Father- when we are in court, in public or it is a formal occasion then 'Your Highness' will do just fine."

Ivar nodded, his hands still trembling at the thought of why he was really here.

"Did you know that you have four brothers in law?" the Spaniard asked in a conversational tone "You only met Juan momentarily at the wedding, and he is the youngest so you may not remember him, but there are three others. Diego is the oldest, also the bravest and the boldest- he is currently commanding the largest part of my army in the southern parts of our country to run off the invading Moors. Adolfo is the second oldest; he is reliable when it counts but he is easily distracted by women and money; hence why he is currently assigned to the workings of a monastery not too far from here"

The cripple laughed at the anecdote, wondering how Sophia's brother was fairing.

"Then there is Fernando, my middle son; he does not have much a hand for combat but he has a brilliant mind. A scholar in the making, the Queen says; he is fluent in six languages, studies day and night and spends the majority of his free time learning carpentry and architecture."

This 'Fernando' sounded like somebody he could get along with, in fact- maybe he would be willing to teach him how to read?

"Then came my princess- THE princess, your wife and then little Juan. He is still too young for us to see where God may direct his path as he is still too focused on causing mischief and scaring the maids. Have you ever seen a dozen screaming maids running down the castle corridors in their nightclothes? Heaven help us, where that boy got ahold of that many spiders I will never know..."

Again Ivar laughed; despite the distance from their lands and the foreign customs, so much of Spain sounded like back home. A family each with their respective roles, children being mischievous, and everything simple that reminded him of Kattegat.

"The reason I am telling you this, son in law is that my wife has birthed five children; she carried five children in her womb for the better part of a year."

Where exactly was this conversation going? Was the king going to ask if Sophia was pregnant? Did he think that her moods were somehow related to a (non) pregnancy?

"And if there is one thing that going through that experience five times has taught me, it is that when a woman does not get what she wants from her husband in their marital bed- there will be Hell for all to pay."

Ah...

"I do not say this to cause you embarrassment," the king reassured "I have heard of your... difficulties. And I understand that things will not be the same for the two of you, but all I ask is that you at least do your best to try and calm my daughter down. If she is anything like her mother, she will be smashing windows and tearing at your armor in a few hours if you do not do something to sate her. I know the Bible speaks of temperance and not giving into the desires of the flesh, however, us Spanish are hot-blooded people and once we are married, well- Christ did say that they are to become one flesh."

Ivar's cheeks were hot with humiliation: not only did the king know of his impotence, but he was now telling him to try to find a way around it and fuck his wife into a state of serenity.

"I understand, your- uh, Father" he responded, doing his best not to stutter "I- I will try my best to um, calm my wife. I just, I am not sure how to approach her; what if she throws a vase at my head? I cannot run away"

The king chortled. "Oh, I can help you with that! I am not only the king but I am also her father. Why don't you join us for dinner? Not in the court, but a simple family dinner with your brothers as well; all of us at the table getting to know one another better."

"And if your daughter tries to stab me with a dinner knife?" the Viking squeaked.

Again the king laughed. "No knives tonight, I promise! We shall have a soup of some sort. Go get yourself ready for this evening and invite your bothers along. Perhaps some rugged warriors like yourselves will encourage Fernando to get his nose out of the books for awhile and onto a battlefield..."

Ivar made no promises to that end but agreed to join his in-laws for dinner: at least if Sophia tried to impale him with her dinnerware, Ubbe could run out carrying him on his back.

There were eight places at the table though only seven were currently occupied; the King and Queen each sat at the end, respectively while Ubbe, Hvitserk, and Fernando shared a side to themselves. Sophia's elder brother barely glanced away from his book as everybody made conversation; Ubbe with the king about battle strategy, Hvitserk smiling at the queen and complimenting all that her lands had to offer, and little Juan with Ivar- who refused to be quiet about his legs. At least HIS brothers were being on their best behavior... but where was his wife?

"And if I poked them with a fork would it hurt?"

Ivar rolled his eyes. "I would feel it, yes but it probably would not hurt- I have very little feeling in my legs"

"But you said that they hurt sometimes!" he accused "Can you feel and you are just lying?"

The Viking's fingers tightened around the length of his spoon as he cursed the moment he decided to leave his ax in his room; it would have come in handy, even if it did leave him with one less brother in law. Would the king and queen notice if they lost the small one?

"Thank you, Hvitserk" his mother in law replied "The tapestries are indeed many years old, aside from the ones hanging in the drawing room. Sophia and I have put those together only in the recent years."

"Well, if my sister in law is even half as talented as you are then I am certain that they are stunning!"

Ivar felt the urge to vomit. "Speaking of my wife, where is she exactly? I thought she was going to join us for dinner?"

"She will" the queen answered "It does take a long time to return from the main city, Ivar. You see, many years ago we were returning from a visit to our summer villa and Sophia saw the poorer classes struggling as we made our way back to the castle. And since that summer, she devotes most of her time to helping those less fortunate than the nobles and those of a higher status; it gives her something to do and it also keeps our favor with the people. The only drawback is the amount of thieves and possible kidnappers that may find their way to her on her way to and from the castle, so the carriage and her guard go a different route every single day so as to avoid detection and a possible ambush. It keeps her safe but it also makes her tardy every now and again."

Thieves? Kidnappers? No wife of his was going to roam the city streets where she might be killed for stepping into the wrong alley!

"I can see that you are looking to stop her" the king observed, "Please, feel free to try and do so; I've tried for years but with no luck."

"You'll have better luck living to see the second coming of our Lord" Fernando muttered, turning a page in his book.

Ivar frowned, suddenly intrigued by his brother in law. "Brother- Fernando? Your father has told me that you read many books and spent most of your time studying other languages."

"You would be correct" he answered, still not looking up.

"Would you perhaps be interested in learning another language? Our language?"

At this, the brunette perked up in curiosity and stared at the Viking. "I am always interested in expanding my mind... but I know your people, you are traders- you never give or do anything for free. So what is it that you want in exchange?"

"Fernando, how dare you!" the Queen gasped in horror "It is extremely rude to make such a brash assumption!

"But a correct one," Ivar admitted, turning back to his brother in law "In exchange for us teaching you our beliefs and learning our language, I would like for you to teach me how to read. Not just the common language, but Spanish as well."

Fernando's eyebrows were raised as he thought about it, though Ubbe needed no time to think; he quickly scolded is brother in Norse without a second thought.

"Are you out of your fucking mind, Ivar?!? Our mother tongue is one of the only we can use against them! If they can't speak our language, then they won't know our secrets, they can't steal our battle plans or anything of value" he spit out quickly, not caring about the current company "What happens when he learns our language and then runs to the king's army to sabotage our plans?"

"Never fear, Ubbe: my brother would not set foot on a battlefield if his life depended on it"

All in attendance turned at the sound of Sophia's voice, her Spanish lilt flavoring her Norse as she walked toward her place at the table: right in between her youngest brother and her new husband. Despite his previous feelings earlier in the evening, the cripple felt all previous emotions vanish at the sight of his wife. It was a strange realization; they had been married less than a week, yet Ivar already saw her as a fixture in his life, a stable and safe place for him to go to when he was uncertain of himself. He missed her warmth and her understanding, he missed the intimate yet innocent feel of her skin against his, but most of all he desired the peace that he found when it was just the two of them, alone in their own sacred space.

"This is not your first time seeing me, husband. Now stop staring!" she snapped, reaching for a piece of bread.

"I missed you" he admitted, sheepishly "And you look beautiful this evening"

Sophia scoffed. "While your flattery is appreciated, there is no need for you to lie: I am covered in mud, my hair looks like a haystack and I probably smell of horse dung."

"And even then, you are still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen" he complimented.

The princess ignored him and took a large bite out of her bread. "Is this all we are having for supper? Bread and soup? Where is the meat? Where is the fruit? How am I to recover from my exhaustive charity work if I am lightheaded with exhaustion?"

"Dear sister: you spend a few hours a day sitting under a shaded canopy reading Bible verses and handing out scraps. I doubt our Viking kin have much sympathy for a spoiled princess when they fight on battlefields and dine on much less than we have at our table tonight."

Ivar's eyebrows rose in shock, Hvitserk choked on his soup and Juan began laughing hysterically as his older siblings began to fight. Sophia threw some words back at her brother in her mother tongue, which Fernando calmly met with his own response. The Queen began shouting at all of her children in Spanish while the king tried to calm everybody down; once again, Ivar felt more at home than ever- no matter who your family was, royalty or not, siblings still fought, parents still struggled to maintain control and there were always innocent bystanders caught in the crossfire.

Ubbe leaned across the table to yell in his younger brother's direction. "They make us look almost civilized!"

Ivar laughed at his sibling's response, unaware of what was being said between his wife and her brother. Unfortunately, the Viking's laughter came at an extremely inopportune time; namely, directly after a particularly harsh insult hurled in Sophia's direction from Fernando. The princess turned to her new husband and glared at him.

"Are you really going to let him speak to me like that?!?" she demanded, "You are my husband and you are not even going to defend my honor?"

The Northman nodded, ready to agree to anything. "What? Oh, uh- yes! I will... wait, what exactly did he say?"

At this, all of Ivar's in-laws began laughing while his new bride fumed at him. But what was he supposed to say? He didn't speak her language, he didn't know what Fernando had said, he didn't know how to phrase the defense of his wife's honor and he certainly didn't want to make enemies with any of his family members- he already had an angry wife to deal with.

"I hate you! I hate you so much! I wish I had never married you! You are a terrible husband!"

Now he was confused... "What? Why?!? What have I done?"

"It's what you haven't done, you ignorant heathen!!!!" she shouted, scooting her chair back and running out of the dining hall.

Ivar threw his hands up in defeat and began mumbling to himself in Norse before turning to his mother-in-law.

"Mother Majesty, is marriage always going to be so difficult?" he asked, exasperated.

The queen reached for his hand and shook her head. "Of course not, my dear... it will get worse as the years go on"

The king choked on his wine and began babbling in Spanish as his sons began to laugh. Ubbe looked back and forth between the four of them while Hvitserk continued eating, unbothered the chaos currently surrounding him. Ivar had tried and he had failed. Giving up, the youngest Ragnarsson crawled down to the floor and headed back to his room, too tired to continue with his familial relations.

Ivar tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position and not succeeding; he tried holding a pillow to his chest for comfort but nothing worked- he just couldn't sleep. His mind raced with thoughts of the day and of the days previous, turning over and over again in his mind like a wagon wheel that had yet to reach its destination.

He wanted his wife; he wanted her comfort, he wanted her touch and her body close to his. He wanted so much from her, yet he knew he would never get it- and why should he? What had he done to gain his wife's favor? He had failed her in the most basic sense of being a man; he couldn't consummate their marriage and he hadn't given her children. He hadn't taken a stand against King Harold when his wife had reprimanded him, he hadn't taken her feelings into consideration, when he pleasured her in the tub he had stopped for his own selfish gain, he hadn't attempted to make things right in the following days, he hadn't reached out to her, he hadn't defended her at dinner and he hadn't gone after her to apologize. By the Gods; he hadn't done anything for her!

He was a terrible husband, just like his wife had said...

But what could he do now? If he tried to apologize, the princess would no doubt kick him out of her chambers. If he attempted to make demands on Finehair or make enemies with his brother then he would burn very valuable bridges that he would no doubt need later on.

That only left one more option and he would have to work very quietly to make it work. Ivar tossed his bedcovers aside and slid to the floor, stealthily making his way out of his room and into the corridors towards his wife's chambers. He prayed to the Gods that none of his wife's maids were awake when he arrived; they'd no doubt raise the alarm and wake the princess.

But the Gods were smiling upon him, apparently; everything was still as Ivar entered his wife's room. It was dark, save for the moonlight casting shadows throughout the princess's chambers; in them, he saw Elena, asleep on her cot in the corner of her room and oblivious to his presence. Ivar seized the opportunity to drag himself over to his wife's bed, and quietly climb up next to her unconscious body.

The minimal light defined his wife's features as she slept, her resting state soothed the anger in her face and softened her profile. Ivar hoped she was having pleasant dreams or else, what he was about to do could be construed as a nightmare. The Viking lifted up the edge of the covers and slid in next to his wife, stilling and waiting for her to wake at the slight jostling of her body. With his wife still unresponsive, he slid further underneath the blankets, careful not to touch her.

Sophia shifted onto her back and brought her feet upwards, no doubt trying to subconsciously get away from the puffs of air coming from her husband's mouth as he attempted to calm himself. He tried to focus his thoughts on his task; Ubbe had said not to use teeth and that women were more sensitive than men. In other words, he had to be slow and gentle so as not to startle or hurt his wife. He could do that; he only wanted her to feel good.

Ivar lifted Sophia's nightdress to her knees and began massaging her calves in a gentle effort to wake her up.

"Hmm?" the princess mumbled, sleepily "What...?"

He pushed it even further up her thighs and scooted himself higher so that he was only mere inches away from his wife's core.

"Uh, oh mm. Husband, what are doing?" she grumbled, still half asleep.

"Giving you what you wanted, wife" the Northman replied, placing his hand on her sex.

Sophia cried out and reached for his arm, keeping in place- no doubt fearing that he would leave her unsatisfied just as he had done in the bath.

"Do not worry, wife" he whispered, pressing his hand to hers "I will not leave you again"

Ivar removed his hand and replaced it with his mouth, earning a shout from the princess. She reached out for the sheets beneath her and began squirming against him, eager for more stimulation and impatient. Ivar used his left arm to hold her hips in place while he allowed his tongue to roam, exploring her folds and tasting her wetness. It was a strange flavor, though not unpleasant; he could grow accustomed to it, should this mean that his wife was no longer angry with him. Or better yet, if she cried out his name like she had in the bath...

"What do you want?" he whispered against her skin.

"Ay, oh Dios... I- I want, ah! Keep doing that, what you were doing; use your tongue"

He did as she asked, trying to remember what Hvitserk had told him about pleasing a woman orally.

'There is a small bump near a woman's sex that is extremely sensitive to touch. Just move your tongue around a bit and see what she likes best- then you continue doing it. Oh, and use fingers if you can'

Fingers, yes, Sophia had liked it when he had put his fingers inside of her while she was bathing. Perhaps... The Viking tested her entrance, making sure that there was enough of the moisture she had told him about before he pushed a finger into her.

"Oh, husband! Jesus Cristo, sí! Eso se siente tan bien, tan lleno, ¡por favor no te detengas!"

If there was one thing Ivar had noticed about his wife, it was that she slipped into her mother tongue when she was either very angry or very happy... he was hoping it was currently the latter.

"Si! Yes, Ivar...."

He added another finger alongside the first and started moving his tongue around slowly, trying to find the 'bump' his brother spoke of. But apparently his wife was one step ahead of him; the princess used one of her hands to direct her husband to where she wanted his mouth- nearly screaming when his tongue came into contact with what it had been searching for.

His wife reached for a pillow and drew it over her face to muffle the sounds of ecstasy coming from her mouth as he worked over her, bringing her closer and closer to the edge that she had dancing on for the past few days. The Viking worked his mouth even faster while wiggling his fingers back and forth, enough so that the pillow was soon not enough to stifle the moans coming from the woman above him. Not a few moments later, Ivar heard his name through the down pillow and a rhythmic tightening of his wife inners walls began clamping down on his fingers as he moved them inside of her. The princess moaned and whimpered until she was spent, pushing her husband's face away from her now oversensitive sex.

Ivar growled in disappointment when Sophia's thighs clamped together and the covers were lifted, revealing his glistening face and his now satisfied wife.

"Lord in Heaven... where did that come from?" she asked, trying to catch her breath.

The Viking used the back of his sleeve to wipe off his mouth. "I just wanted to please you, Sophia; as you have tried to hard to please me"

"But, is there anything I can do for you? I mean, surely you will let me try to please you-" "You cannot" he interrupted, getting himself up onto his elbows "I have told you before and I will tell you, again: I cannot function as a man. And even if I could, I would not ask it of you. I did this because I wished to do it because I wanted to give you the pleasure that you deserve- not because I expected something in return. Now, I hope you will forgive for whatever it is that I have done and I leave you in peace so that you may rest"

Sophia reached out for her husband. "You will not stay? Surely, a few moments lying next to each other will not-"

"I said 'good evening', wife" he stated, already climbing down to the floor.

The princess watched him crawl towards her door, determinedly trying to get back to his own bedroom. She was so shocked, so sated, so satisfied that she couldn't bring herself to ruin this moment and point out to her husband that she had indeed felt his arousal.

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#ivar the boneless #ivar's heathen army #ivar ragnarsson #ivar imagine #ivar fiction #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #vikings

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