#it was a real doozy of a month tbh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

safyresky · 9 months ago

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Scrimbly Jacqueline 10/52: Prepping for MARCH with a well deserved SPA DAY AT THE SPRINGS BABY.

LOOK AT HER. LOOK AT MY GIRL.

Ty @someheroescarryfloss for the suggestion!

You bet your ASS she gets a spa day. I could use one myself, tbh, lmao. ANYWAY I read your suggestion and .1 seconds later I went OH MY GOD A SOAK AT THE SPRINGS.

March is her least favourite month. Spring gears up, and so does Winter--it's a DOOZY and more often than not she gets pulled into it. By mid-March, she's hiding; by April, both she and Jack are off the grid. It's vacation time, they say. Fuck Spring, Winter replies, throwing an ice storm at us mid-April AFTER WE'VE ALL CHANGED OUR WINTER TIRES TO THE SUMMER ONES--

Ok I'm calm. Cool. Chill. Uh. Here's the not-app brightened version! Fun fact! This one looked better on mobile, and when I went to desktop, the brighter app-brightened version popped more, lol. One day. I'll have a place. With natural lighting enough. to take good photos of my silly little scribbles. ANYWAY. NO FILTER:

Some FUN FACTS about this one:

had to scroll real far down on Jacquie's Pinterest board to find the swimsuit inspo. ended up not even using one of the pinned ones (but it is pinned now!)

top purple bit was gonna be white. but. well. we all know my struggle with lack of white-ish marker 🫠🫠🫠. and purple is my fave colour! and maybe jacqueline's too, lol

idk how to shade but i had so much fun colouring I gave it a go :)

seriously. SO much fun colouring. I couldn't NOT picture this one w/out a background, EVEN IF IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THIS

please imagine steam lines wafting. it is hot and steamy at this particular spring set. it's a bunch of little pools that are VERY HOT for muscle hurty reasons.

the orange drink IS frozie and IS alcoholic

she likes strawberries a normal amount

she will eat the cucumbers on her eyeballs lol

her hair simply will not stay up in a bun, hence why it is spilling out to one side in a very 80s manner lol

water reflections are FUN but i wish i had kept going bc now that bottom left corner is bugging me

ALSO. I DO THESE ON SCRAP PIECES OF PAPER, AND LET ME TELL YOU. COLOURING WITH THE MIXED MEDIA I USE???? IT IS A WEAK WEAK PIECE OF PAPER NOW!!! I NEED TO COLIBRI THAT BAD BOY ASAP. MAYBE EVEN FIND A SCRAP BACKING FOR IT, WEEEEEE~

I am very tired. and probably still will be when I post this tomorrow lol. THE TIRED JUST DOES NOT QUIT. Anyway, plz enjoy this scrimbly, brought to you in part by YOUR REQUESTS! hell yeah >:)

#dani speaks #dani doodles #scrimbly jacquelines #mixed media: we got prismas. alcohol based markers. and watercolour markers #I AM A MENACE >:3 #cs posting #crystal springs #ocs #id in alt #this is one of my top three for sure #the others are blaise cold front hug and helline of course #with an honourable mention to murderous mel and jacquie bc i love them your honour

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drac-onion · 3 months ago

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Back at it again. A year since I posted Beneath Her Mask. Same thing as last time. Fun facts or just looking back at something I done did write once upon a time exactly a year ago.

This is going to be very "stream of consciousness" and probably hard to read, but here goes.

First off, wow that title sucks. I came up with it like right before posting and then rolled with it. Nowadays I would put off uploading something for MONTHS if I couldn't figure out an original and interesting title. Oops.

Anyway, this one is a lot better than the last one. Promise. The whole thing is a little bit iffy still, but I was very new. The formatting is the main issue I have with. The concept is...fine, although I think I could have gone a little bit further with and then lead into where this one starts. Ya know, inform the reader as to the situation that lead to Makoto's desire to keep everything to herself? But I kinda made it ambiguous on purpose. Good thing I didn't have to follow up on this a few months later... Oh wait. The stakes were just: awkward. No gay panic (like the tags say, oops), no internalized anything, no worries over team cohesion with members of the PTs dating, none of that. If I would ever go back and rewrite this (don't fucking tempt me) I would definitely expand on things a lot more. But hey, I probably shouldn't try and go back and fix all my old stuff. I'd never get anything done otherwise.

Oh yeah, Makoto's "113 decibel alarm clock" is a real thing. I actually have one. I sleep through every other alarm clock out there. The thing is so good, it will actually scare you awake. Pretty nice. (If probably a little too loud for apartment living in Japan where the walls are very thin.)

Oh yeah, and the tense a few times. Annoying.

I dunno why I made it three chapters. It's just over 3.5k words. That would have been fine to keep as a single chapter one-shot, but I think I just had a hard time with having scenes switch mid-chapter. Chapters are a good way to signal a scene switch, but nowadays I'll just use a line break and go with it. I've just improved as a writer, I think, and so now my old mistakes bug the shit out of me.

If I named all the issues I had, I'd be here all day. So, what did I get right with this? I think the concept is alright. The dialogue is good at points. The scene in Leblanc is pretty good. Good guy Sojiro being cool with lesbians (very cool of him). And the text convos at the end are also pretty okay. The "out of your league" comment still gets me for some reason. It's kinda funny.

Also I made a custom dialogue option for Akira, referencing the very first thing he says at the beginning of the story. I think it turned out okay. (I'd like to do more art/edits relevant to my writing. I've thought about making cover/chapter art for my current project. I guess we'll see how I'm feeling. A little wattpad-y of me, but it'd be interesting.)

I'm just now realizing that I should've made the "third option" a little cheeky. Maybe something like "Come here often?" or whatever. Ah well. Next time.

So, overall? It's an improvement. It's not perfect, but it was the second thing I'd ever written. (Once again, I don't count the RE one. I should probably anon it tbh.)

Anyway, that was something. The next "retrospective" (I guess that's what these are now) will be on Beneath Their Masks.

That one is a doozy, and I think I'm going to have a decent amount to say about it. It's also really long, so that's also a thing I'm gonna have to worry about. I'll probably do that on 10/1 because that's when I posted the first chapter. Maybe I'll have enough time to write up mini retrospectives for each chapter? And then post those throughout October? That could be interesting. And tiring. But still, interesting. I could pull the original upload dates since I made a tumblr in between ACIFT and BHM. Although those are going to be VERY spaced out, especially near the end. So much for doing a month's worth of prompts WITHIN the month. But I'll save all my whining for when those go up.

Also, shoutouts again to my beta at the time, @makomaki5. I hope you're doing well.

Anyway, I think that's about it. See ya.

#drac.txt #drac_retrospective #writing #ao3

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odinspattern · 10 months ago

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My mental health has been bad today, tbh. Under a readmore for details on how a bad mental days can look like for me.

First I remembered that I should have swept the store floors yesterday, maybe even washed them. Decided to go over there to fix that, later, lest I get yelled at later this week.

That triggered the ever present fear that I am about to get fired, which was heightened when I saw that I have not gotten paid yet for last month.

Then I looked out the windows, I was excited about the weather being more stable, so I decided to jog, that usually helps against these things.

As I was walking to do my warmups, I noticed that another bout of bad weather was about to come in. So I turned back.

Felt real misserable about that tbh, I was excited to jog and reset myself.

Went back and was about to go train strenght training. Not as exciting. Then I noticed that I had not eaten in 5 hours. Decided to fix that. Lunch was delicious, had korean cabbage toast.

Read for a bit to let the food sink before training.

New round of self loathing as I was trying to decide if I should get to the store and do the cleaning first, call my grandmother or do strenght training.

This absolute hell went on for a good two-three hours.

Message ticked in, my supervisor who was supposed to work tomorrow asked if I could take her shift tomorrow.

Okay, good, I am definetly not fired then, and I can fix my mistakes tomorrow, that is a relief.

Noticed that it was 19 pm now, I should eat dinner.

Had dinner and have been watching Demon Slayer since then because I am mentally exhausted. It is now almost 21.30 pm.

Only useful thing I have done today is cleaning my kettle, answer asks and read. have not called my grandma, it is getting too late in the day to do that. I could do strenght training but also painting. Or do shower.

So yeah, this doozy has been my day, hope y’all have been doing better than I am.

#mental illness #life!

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the-empress-7 · 3 years ago

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Hi Empress! Eclipse anon here.

Hope you are well. It's the solar eclipse. Woohoo! A few months back I thought this was going to be doozy, but the energies seem nice and warm IRL. I'd shared that I was looking forward to this one because of how life changing the peclupses past couple years have been for me. So far, it's all ok.

I mean... I just finally filed for divorce. But it's ok. I also managed to be cool as an ice cube throughout the day in court, even though I was finally seeing my husband after 2 yr (ex? Should I call him that already? ). I got my day in court and it was glorious. Lol. My therapist says we should unpack that over the next few sessions, that was a bit of a party pooper tbh. But we are gonna get through it.

Oh and I bought a fishery! I guess I'm a farmer now. (Or is that a fisherman? Fisher woman? What's the PC term? Enterpreneur?). I used to be so freaked out by tiny fish earlier. But now I'm so proud of the brood. Eventually they will all end up on someone's plate, but still, im a proud mama.

Oh and I got myself a new car. It's a beast. I love it. I talk to my cars Alexa lady sometimes, just so I don't feel lonely. It's terribly sad but also fun.

Anyhoo... Neptune and Jupiter are still making magic in the sky. Pluto is going retro. Mercury is being sneaky, dancing the shadow dance. Mars looks grumpy. Saturn is actually being nice, let's see how long that lasts. The eclipse is unpacking a lot of the early 2020 energies. Uranus promised it would bring in some unexpected miracles, so I'm holding him to that promise. How are things your end?

- eclipse anon

Hi Eclipse Anon, look at you go! Your positivity is contagious and so is your resilience 💪🏽 And wow, you own a fishery now! Fun fact about me...many eons ago I used to live right next to one, so talk about a funny coincidence.

This eclipse has been an interesting one so far, not bad, just intensely busy with changes happening at light speed. I think the real drama is yet to come, the build up from tomorrow to the full moon eclipse will be wild.

Cheers to your new beginning 🥂💞

#eclipse anon

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rozzwil · 3 years ago

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🍋🍒🍷 for all of your boys! -diirth 💕

Thank you!

🍋: What is your OC's most painful memory?

🍒: Has Your OC had their first kiss yet? If so, with who?

🍷: What's one of your OC's pet peeves concerning food?

[Link to OC Meme]

[Link to OC Page]

🍋: What is your OC's most painful memory?

Ivan had a particularly traumatic experience with a templar when he was a young teenager. He was forced to strip down in front of a room of mages and other apprentices for some petty, fabricated reason to humiliate him for being mouthy. At that point he was already very radicalized by Uldred but that sent him over the edge.

Tony's got some real doozies but watching Bethany die, and the subsequent guilt and blame from his family members, was particularly bad.

Alexandar's fight with his Mom before he left home is very hard for him to think about. Alexandar had taught himself how to synthesize T for the last few months and when his Mom found out, she interpreted this as his latest effort to idolize the Qun. He's always dealt with feeling out of place both at home and in larger society but he's never felt so thoroughly rejected as that moment.

When Isha's best friend unexpectedly met a city elf, fell in love, and got married over the course of several months, Isha had a really hard time coming to terms with this. He felt like he was losing the closest person to him and didn't know what to do. He also struggled a lot with insecurity about not being born in clan Lavellan and not feeling "Dalish enough" and projected a lot of those feelings onto his friend's wife. Becoming a surrogate uncle and gaining a second best friend was one of the best experiences he's had but those months of feeling alienated from his clan and family because of his own pride were very painful.

🍒: Has Your OC had their first kiss yet? If so, with who?

Ivan kissed Jowan once when they were eleven underneath their bunk bed 😳 They both thought it was fuckign gross lol

Tony was macking on all sorts of other kids (especially girls Carver had a crush on) since he was pretty young and was a popular guy. He was also sexually abused from a young age but doesn't like to think of that as counting :(

Alexandar only had one kiss before Cassandra which was with a nice girl in his mercenary squad! He fell in love with her way too quickly and she wasn't ready for that although they remain good friends. They were good for each other and he's glad she was his first!

Isha's first kiss was with his best friend Ellas who asked him to help him,, practice,,, kissing in case,, other kids at the Arlathvhen wanted to hook up. Isha knew this was a dumb excuse but what else are bros for?

🍷: What's one of your OC's pet peeves concerning food?

Ivan gets weird about food when he's stressed. He’s always been a picky eater that refuses most food outside of bread and sweets but living in the tower where most of their meals are a week expired gruel at best has really done a number on him. Listing what doesn’t bug him and what he will eat would be much easier than writing out all of his pet peeves tbh 😂

Tony has and would eat almost anything. In fact, on a dare Tony WILL eat anything. That being said, he prefers rich, saucy food. Bland, “health” foods are particularly unappetizing, at least getting dared to eat a dead bug or a fuzzy, blue piece of cheese is exciting 🤷

Alexandar says he likes trying lots of new, exciting foods (which is true!) but doesn’t handle spice well AT ALL. He grew up with a very narrow diet living in poverty in the Free Marches and his stomach has never agreed with most intense flavors. He’s also too polite to ever turn down food though :’)

Isha hates sweets. He’s been force fed one too many honey candies when his blood sugar’s low and can’t stand syrupy, sweet tastes anymore. He also doesn’t particularly love traditional Dalish meals that use insects but makes a point to always enthusiastically eat them when he’s in front of humans!

#ivan amell #tonias hawke #ishavun lavellan #alexandar adaar

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thevoilinauttheory · 4 years ago

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Okay but for the "Romance and friendship ship asks" - petition for you to just answer all of them, LiveJournal interview meme style, lol. (I'll do it too if you will!)

(( Okay, but first I gotta start with... I still don’t know wtf LiveJournal is. I, uh. I’m not an internet-savvy person, unfortunately (I’m *still* trying to figure out what xkit is and why it’s so important to tumblr, so I usually just smile and nod when it’s brought up lol). I can’t even figure out how to work twitter or facebook. The fact that I learned how to tumblr is a miracle.

And next: A lot of these questions are really heavily dependent on the situation I’m in, unfortunately! So some may not have very clear answers. I’m going to put this ENTIRE thing under the cut - for several reasons. One, it’s long. And two, there’s some sensitive material that’s either triggering [allusions to sexual assault and manipulative behavior ], or NSFW.

A huge thanks to @renofmanyalts, @spotofmummery, @lukawarrioroflight, and @cadrenebula for the asks on this meme! ))

So without further ado - here’s all of the answers to the questions for the “Romance and Friendship Ship Asks”!

1. When you RP a ship do you prefer to make everything be smooth sailing all the time or do you allow conflicts to arise?

I don’t mind either way, so long as my RP partner… y’know, talks with me. I’m reminded of an instance in the past where my RP partner wanted conflict, but took it to a whole other extreme to the point where it physically hurt to RP through. One of my characters, in a serious relationship with theirs; ended up kidnapped, drugged, and assaulted - resulting in the assailant getting pregnant. Now, when my character comes to - only semi-aware of what happened to them; absolutely distraught and hurting once they learned the truth; my partner’s character comes in and berates them for cheating, being unfaithful, not trying hard enough - essentially victim blaming. If I had been warned of this, I would not have agreed to playing this situation out. With adequate warning, however, I’m usually fairly open to anything. So, yes. It really does depend. I would prefer smooth sailing, and with warning, am very okay with conflict in a ship.

2. Do you like to RP smut when you RP a ship?

This one’s doozy lol. The base answer is, I do! I find the smut scenes to be very big character building situations - giving more detailed information on what a character is like in an intimate situation; what quirks they have, and whatnot. Sometimes it’s story building too - and I’m all about that story and character building. BUT. I will not. My IRL spouse is not comfortable with me doing so, and I respect that. So I will not ERP as long as they remain uncomfortable with it.

3. Do you like to plan a ship out or just let it happen?

Usually, all of the ships I have just… happen. Nothing’s quite planned except “what character would interact well with this one” - not with the explicit purpose of shipping (romantically), but more of seeing what kind of interactions can blossom. However, I’m not opposed to planning, if that’s what’s more comfortable with my RP partner.

4. Do you prefer monogamous or poly ships?

I, personally, have no preference. So long as the poly relationship is played out properly (i.e. the people who use being poly as an excuse to cheat/be unfaithful to their partner(s)). I don’t excuse people giving us poly folks a bad name. So I have no preference… but my characters do! Each preference is listed in their profile, whether or not they are monogamous or polyamorous / what their sexual and romantic orientations are. (tbh tho, all of them are negotiable)

5. Are there any characters that you want a ship for?

Ha ha. Yes. Quite a few, actually. (If not all of them, for shipping in a general sense.)

6. Do you like friend-with-benefits ships?

With warning ahead of time, yes. Whether IC or OOC - OOC is preferable, because some of my characters’ personalities make them very easily attached to others. The best example is Danny, with what some of the more recent ask answers show. And I want to make sure that the character is good for the situation. Though I do have a couple characters that would prefer to keep it at the “friends-with-benefits” stage, and if that’s a character or plot I want to play, I would ask my RP partner about it first.

7. Have you ever regretted a ship, romantic or otherwise?

Mmm… I want to say yes. I really do. Even the ones that screwed me over, though, part of me can’t help but cherish them in some strange way. Each one of them has been an experience for me and my character. But. I think… there is one yes in there. ...Maybe a couple, but all of those ships were with the same RP partner. At the time, though, those ships were my lifeblood - upon reflection… they were all pretty yikes. And I’ve got another friend as my witness lol.

8. Do you like to be friends with the people you have ships with?

I have to be friends with the people I ship with. I can do walk up RP with strangers, get to events and all that - but if someone is wanting a romantic ship with me, I need to know them as a person, not as their character. And I need them to know me as a person, too; that I’m not my character(s). Honestly, I prefer to be friends with all of my RP partners anyways! Ship or no! I like learning about people as they are, not just as their character(s) are.

9. What do you look for in a writing partner for ships?

Just… I guess, a decent person? That’s very vague, and that’s because it’s true. I want someone that understands that life gets in the way a lot, and that I might have to pause a thread or two until I can get myself situated. RP does not come before real life, and I want my partners to understand that as much as I do. I will drop threads with people who show toxic behaviors - not without talking to them first, of course, but if it blows up, then I’m done. I can’t put myself in a situation like that again.

10. Do you think romantic ships should be long-term?

Mm. This is another tough one. Which I think coincides a lot with the next question as well. If my partner wants a romantic ship to end, then as long as they talk about it with me, I’m totally fine with it - a day, two, a month, years? I don’t mind as long as I have warning, and things are talked through first. I’ll cover the rest of my thoughts on this in the next question.

11. How do you handle an absent RP partner that you have a ship with?

First, I’d be incredibly worried! I do have some friendships that disappear for a few months, then come back, and I don’t mind those at all. But if I make a new friend, and I don’t know if they’re prone to that, then I’d be worried about their safety! I’ll reach out first, as many times as I need to. I want to make sure that my friend is safe and in a good place. If they respond with “I’m alive, just stuff going on”, the ship won’t be dropped. I won’t drop ships due to absence, not right away - unless otherwise told to by my RP partner (maybe because they know they won’t be around, or they’re quitting the game, etc). If my RP partner is absent for a minimum of three to six months or longer *without* any sort of contact, I will tell them that there will be a pause on our ship and there’s a possibility of the character finding another… but also that if their life allows it, and they’re keen on it, I will pick up the ship again in the future. tl;dr: I want to make sure that my RP partner is in a safe place before I make any comments to dropping a ship.

12. How often do you think people should RP when they have ships together?

As often as it is comfortable for everyone involved. Whether that’s everyday, once a week, or twice a month. I, personally, have no issues with time. If RP isn’t being done, then I’m memeing or asking questions or putting terrible ideas into my RP partners’ heads.

13. Do you RP out all interactions or do you assume some things happen ‘off-screen’ with your ships?

Assumption, always. Even if we don’t play out those interactions, we’ll talk about them. “So it’s likely that [x] has happened during [x] time since [RP session]”. RPing out all interactions would take up a lot of time, and lead to a lot of disappointment - especially if you equate “one day irl = one day in RP”.

14. Is there anyone you know that you want to have an RP ship with (romantic, friendship, hateship, rival, ect.)?

My only answer to this is: yes, absolutely. My only clarification is: all of my wonderful followers - you all have such amazing characters, how could I not want a ship (in the general sense)?

15. What’s the most important thing you’ve learned when it comes to RPing ships?

The most important thing I’ve learned… happens to be two things. 1) Communication is your greatest tool. Not communicating with your RP partner about anything will cause everyone grief. If something makes you uncomfortable, if there’s a thread you want to try, if there’s a thread you want to drop - you need, need, NEED to talk to your RP partner. and 2) Your RP partner is a person, just like you. You cannot expect them to shit out a thread on command; nor can you expect them to write when there’s stress going on in their life. Your RP partner is your friend, and you should treat them as such. If the going is tough, make sure they know that they aren’t pressured into writing, and that you’re there for support. If there’s stress in your life, it’s on you to warn your partner - and trust that they treat you like a person too.

#a response for you: ooc #pls #if you are wanting a ship #pls talk to me

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acestories · 4 years ago

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Anon Submission 1

“i’d like to stay anon for the sake of my sanity, but phew boy this is a long one, and a bit of a doozy. panromantic aceflux transmasc enby here ✌

for a long time, a very very long time, when i tell you long i mean i didn’t come to terms with it until march of this year, i never thought i could possibly identify as ace. never in my life. however, reading into it a little and realising that the spectrum was so much more than i thought had me thinking very hard. it just, kind of turned on a lightbulb. i never had any sexual attraction to a real person, i’d always kept it to fictional characters. i don’t know if i’m even capable of being sexually attracted to a human being on the fly lol. my identity on the ace spectrum lies more with me not understanding why it’s necessary to some people to have a relationship and not understanding why it’s such a big deal and so prevalent in society, rather than me being completely repulsed by the thought. (roots back to me being autistic tbh.) as an aceflux person, that does happen sometimes though.

i was so confused when i had my ace epiphany too. i’m hypersexual, i have a very high sex drive and i have to do a little self love every now and then to not get too uncomfortably horny. but the thought of having sex with anyone irl is very weird to me, like. i can’t do a one-night stand type of thing. i wouldn’t mind it, but i have to be very emotionally connected to that person to even consider it, and that’s only when i’m not repulsed. so i guess you could technically call me extremely demi if you wanted.

and now for the hard part. my long distance relationship. my boyfriend of almost six months took it very well, but it was very hard for him to adjust, as he is a victim of sexual abuse and has ptsd from it. he relies on sex to feel safe in a relationship, that’s how he copes. the good news is is that he’s the only one i feel safe and connected enough with to even try to have sex with. but it’s an uphill battle. i have also been through sexual trauma, and my aceflux range didn’t include me being repulsed until after that happened. it was a learning curve for the both of us and we managed to compromise for a couple months until recently, he finally stepped forward and allowed himself to wait indefinitely for me to heal enough from my trauma for me to try it again with him. i remember crying tears of joy and saying “i can finally breathe.” i’d felt so trapped under that expectation, even with our compromise, and i couldn’t bear to express that without feeling like i’m being selfish and not attentive to his trauma. thank the gods for this man. he really changed his coping mechanisms for me. i can’t even begin to believe how hard that must be for him.

this is such a long journey for me, but i’m glad i’m part of this community. <3″

----

I forgot I had this in my inbox, and I’m sorry for the wait anon. If it’s any consolation, I’m an aceflux in a similar boat to you, so I get some of what you’re going through, though not all of it.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us

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owltypical · 3 years ago

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oh boy, it struck me that the last serious drawing i did was back in october, so aside from a couple little pencil scribbles and doodling silly garbage in jackbox games with friends, i’ve drawn basically Nothing for over six months now, that’s a heckin half a year

it sucks, tbh! i miss it a lot, but even after all that time, every time i try to think of going back to drawing my mind and body still reject the idea like a bad transplant; it’s super rare that i get hit by blocks like this, especially one this long, it’s been a real doozy this time

and it doesn’t help that my usually teeming-with-ideas-and-interactions-and-silly-things overactive brain has been super empty for a while now, it’s a struggle to get anything firing off that i can put down on paper or use to inspire other things

trying to be hopeful that i’ll get over it soon; i really do love making art and sharing it with the world, it’s just a matter of crawling and dragging myself back to it when it feels right, and the brain’s been very slightly less empty lately, so...fingers crossed, i guess

#the illustrious life of owltypical #brain stuff #brain chemicals are more trouble than they're worth

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travisweerts · 4 years ago

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Happy Friday y’all. ☀️ This week has been a doozy. Last week, we were ordered back into the wonderful world of lockdown, but hopefully that will end this week. Because I was WFH, I didn’t get my normal train time to make art, but no biggie. (First world, privileged problems right?) We’re pretty fortunate in Western Australia, and I’m just super thankful the fam is safe, happy and healthy. I mean how different would life be right now if we were in India? My thoughts and prayers are def with them. 🇮🇳 🙏 Damn we’re lucky. So normally, I share a piece of work I’ve finished over the last week, but since that didn’t quite happen, I’ll share one I did a couple months back. This portrait is of the man, the myth, the legend that is Robert Zimmerman, better known as Bob Dylan. Why Bob? Well... why not? Dylan’s music has inspired me for ages. Last week, I told a story about Cash, and how he was the first real musician I remember being introduced to. If Cash was the first, Dylan was my second. When I was about 12, for Christmas, mom gave me this massive book of Mr. Dylan’s poetry. And TBH, I wasn’t too into it at the time (sorry mom), but over the years I can definitely say Bob’s “protest songs” have became a constant source of influence. And finally, just remember... “He not busy being born is busy dying.” - Bob Dylan (at Perth, Western Australia) https://www.instagram.com/p/CORPTxKBX9J/?igshid=18zipw73f80m5

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thestorytellerofkpop · 7 years ago

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45 Question Tag

@shipme-bts posted this and I kinda wanna do it because I have absolutely nothing to do this Christmas Eve so yeah :3

THE LAST

1. Drink: Orange Soda????? Or maybe hot cocoa

2. Phone call: My mother

3. Text: "Hey I'm in the drive through of McDonald's do you want anything?" I sent this to a friend because I'm the mom friend that always makes sure her friends are fed.

4. Song you listened to: I Need U by BTS

5. Time you cried: About three weeks ago when me and my boyfriend broke up (I'm single ladies and gentlemen 😉)

6. Dated someone twice: Yes

7. Kissed someone and regretted: Not that I can remember 😂

REMEMBERED

8. Been cheated on: All my relationships usually have ended in cheating, so yes.

9. Lost someone special: Mmhmm

10. Been depressed: Yes, sophomore year of high school was a very big doozy, depressing stage of my life. Other than that I just get normal depression now when sad things happen.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope, never thrown up 😏

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS

12. Blue

13. Green

14. Turquoise

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made new friends: OFC I love all my lovely friends I've made on here and irl!

16. Fallen out of love: Yes actually...after a very bad breakup with this one guy. I still liked him for almost 6 months after we broken up, but when we started talking again he only wanted me for sex and that kinda shattered my heart a 2nd time. So I guess I did fall out of love.

17. Laughed until you cried: Of course, being one of the only females in a workplace full of males it happens almost every day, especially in our group chat 😂

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes! But it was in a flattering way ❤

19. Met someone who changed you: Yes!

20. Found out who your friends are: Ohhhhhhhh yes most definitely.

21. Kissed someone on your facebook list: Actually yes 😂

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them

23. Do you have any pets: I have a cat named Perry and he's a ragdoll and the love of my life forever and always 😍😍😍😍

24. Do you want to change your name: Maybe, because all my younger siblings have superhero/badass names (I named my future sister Arwen Diana, after the amazing female elf from Lord of the Rings and Wonder Woman) so I kinda feel left out with my boring name. But who knows.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: A group of friends and I went to a drag show! Let's just say a lot of my conservative male co-workers had a blast, even to the point we got them to shove dollar bills down one of the male dancers thong 😂

26. What time did you wake up: 5:30 a.m. because I had the morning shift today 😣

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching GTLive!!!! MatPat and Steph are my heroes!!!! 💞

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Au printemps parce-que je voyage an France! (Spring because I'm traveling to France) It's my first time going out of the country and I'm so excited!

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Today

31. What are you listening to right now: Markiplier playing Doki Doki Literature Club Pt. 2

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yes at work

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: That my mom keeps turning the heat up, it's 78 degrees in here woman while it's 69 degrees outside. It's not cold 😐

34. Most visited website: Probably Tumblr or Ao3

35. Hair colour: .....mmmm.....dirty blonde?

36. Long or short hair: Short, I actually need to get it cut again, it's getting on my nerves.

37. Do you have a crush on someone: Nah, unless Tumblr crushes count 😶

38. What do you like about yourself: I like to think I'm a good leader 🙂 and that I make people happy and take care of them

39. Want any piercings: No, I tried having my ear pierced...yeah no. Because I had to take them out for everything: academy training, boot camp, karate, etc. So the holes would always close and I just never kept up with it. Maybe in a few years when I settle down.

40. Blood type: A+

41. Nickname: @iamjustarandomperson126 calls me Germie! At work I'm known as Lieutenant/LT and Wonder Woman (they never use my real name; they say that I'm the perfect model of a Lieutenant fit to a T and that saying my real name makes them feel awkward 😂). And in ROTC I go by last name or XO (I'm the Executive Officer aka XO aka second in command, it always makes me smile when people say it because I think of the lovely boys of EXO (they're pronounced the same))

42. Relationship status: Single and ready to mingle

43. Zodiac: Scorpio

44. Pronouns: I is a she/her/XO/LT tbh

45. Favourite tv show: Bobs Burgers!!!! Or any othet adult cartoons like The Simpson's, Family Guy, American Dad. I also really like the Game Show Network and Food Network 😂

I tag whoever wants to do this! Go crazy kids!

#stuff germane is tagged in #a little about me #45 question tag #germane is bored

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lebilliam · 7 years ago

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111 questions with @imaginationisendless3

001: What is your biggest dream? uhhh. that depends on how you define dream. im gonna go ahead and say that the dream is to be able to wake up and go to the airport and just travel all around and come back home to the same old home at the end of the day

002: What is the bravest thing you've ever done? this q is quite a doozy. i really dont keep track of this kind of stuff

003: Is it hard for you to show your feelings? hell ye

004: What is your dream job? What was your dream job when you were little? when i was little i thought looking at space and being an astronaut would be really cool but now its just being able to travel

005: What is your favorite sound? mechanical keyboard clicking hands down

006: Would you rather be in front of the camera or behind it? wait this q seems familiar but im gonna say in front

007: What do you notice first when you meet a new person? (Both in real and on the internet): what kind of memes they like

008: Is there anybody you *fully* trust?: sure theres a list

009: Do you like / love someone? If yes, who?: there was this cute girl once but i never mustered the courage to really talk to her rip

010: Have you ever received / sent hate? How do you deal with it?: i flame brian and logan all the time but i dont think that constitutes hate mail. tbh i dont recall an instance of being perturbed by excessive hate

011: What are you going to spend money on next?: food in martinique (or maybe some chacos here)

012: What are three things you never leave your house without?: phone, wallet, jacket

013: What is your favorite place?: ive had a lot of favorite places over the last few years but now that im being asked i cant recall any of them. all my favorite places have this one thing that i dont like about them and thats why i have so many

014: Do you sing and/or dance in front of people? nah not earnestly

015: Have you ever cheated on a test?: have YOU? i say i want to cheat on tests all the time bc itd be so easy but im just too lazy to enact a foolproof cheat strategy

016: What is your current desktop background?: last time it was a bunch of functional groups for Ochem, but now its specific reagents and pathways!

017: How would you describe yourself in 3 words? indecisive, unpredictable, decisive (i thnk)

018: What does make you happy?: honestly?? knowing im appreciated

019: What time were you born? uhh i dont know off the top of my head atm but i can check

020: Do you give second chances? Why? why the fuck NOT? well i say that but all the second chances ive given have been disappointments. trying to find someone to surprise me i guess? xd

021: Name your biggest turn ons and turn offs: serious turn offs are lacking empathy for the struggles of others (i say stop being poor ironically, but there are people who really dont get it which is scary to me). turn ons? Jacinda asked me this and my answer still hasnt changed-- the neck. i ALWAYS go for the jugular

022: When was the last time you hugged someone?: hmmmmm probably last month or so?

023: What is your favorite food? GOD dang it i know i say a lot of things are my favorite but now i cant think of anything. something im always down for is KFC though

024: Do you save money or spend it right away? FUCK i try to save it but money just has a way of leaving my hands

025: Do you have any tattoos? If yes, what are their meanings? If no, would you get any?: id love to get tattoos. sleeves and all those seem really neat but also i know im just rash with decisions like that sometimes

026: Name five things you find beautiful: ooo hair in sunlight, pure moments of unadulterated laughter, crafts that people work on, technology, and mechanical keyboards

027: What is your favorite clothing style? (Both in you and others): lately ive been joking about the CLOUT a lot with champion and supreme branded stuff but its ironic. tbh i like buttonups with nice colors.

028: How do you cheer yourself up? i slid into this girl’s dms with this very question and then i linked her a minecraft song parody so i guess minecraft song parodies and stupid things

029: Do you show affection in public?: i would IF I COULD

030: What is one thing you are looking forward to?: martinique, being refreshed enough to actually care about school bc this last semester was a shitshow

031: Have you ever been to other countries? If yes, where?: france, spain, italy, canada, (japan when i was uber young), vietnam, fircrest

032: What was the last lie you told and why? ill start on this at 2pm. i was still in bed at 2

033: Who are the people you can always turn to? mo, lo

034: Have you ever done drugs? If not, would you ever try them?: it sounds like itd be a cool experience but im also scared all of those horror stories where the drugs were laced with other stuff that turns you into a 4 year old

035: What is your favorite word? i think about the word obsequious a lot but i think my favorite word has to go to discord

036: Do you consider yourself a romantic? sure why not

037: What are 3 objects that are *very* important to you and why?: notes section in my phone ( i write a lot of my thoughts and weird dreams in there), my laptop ( i use it literally every single day), my dice ( bc dnd has been uber helpful to me and its a great pastime)

038: Have you ever met someone famous? If so, who?: nope! not special

039: What would you like to change, mentally and physically, about yourself? id like to start working out but i say that all the time. id like to be more dedicated to school stuff but honestly its whatever. idk jsut trying to be more confident in myself and smiling more

040: Have you ever won a contest/competition? What for? i won a smash tournament once and i got fourth or third in another one but that was a long time ago

041: What is one illegal thing you would do if there were no consequences? steal, armed robbery.

042: Who are your favorite fictional characters? borutos dad seems kind of cool, they should make an anime about him or something

043: Do you ever wish you were somebody else? yea i wish i was me but better

044: What is your favorite store to shop at? FUEGO and the runway fashion exchange and idk some other cool store but it doesnt come to mind

045: Do you want to have children one day? How many? How would you name them?: i think about it. having children would be cool but also NOT having kids would be cool

046: How do you cope with stress? How do you vent your anger? i say reee unironically but then it makes me feel better

047: What do you want for your birthday? honestly? lots of money but idk a new set of dice would be nice ore maybe a new computer

048: Have you ever had an imaginary friend? yea probably

049: Have you ever said "I love you" even though you didn't mean it? in the times ive said it i feel like i have meant it but you can never be too sure

050: What is the best advice anyone has ever given you? starting to write down all your feelings and stuff that happens

051: Do you have any regrets? If yes, what do you regret the most? not taking the opportunity to go to high school/ college early / skipping grades / trying harder on admissions tests

052: Do you find tattoos and/or piercings attractive? theyre pretty neat imo i like them

053: Do you want to get married? What are your views on marriage? marriage is such an old concept but also it seems kind of cool

054: Who are you most comfortable around? tbh its been myself for the last few weeks

055: What are you wearing right now? What do you wear to bed? i am wearing shorts. i try not to wear too much when i sleep bc i overheat but if i have someone else in bed with me ill wear a thin shirt and shorts

056: When is your birthday? feb 26!

057: What is love to you? love is being able to send memes to each other and being able to go from 2 blobs watching videos to a fancy date and

058: Are you a jealous person? i can be jealous if i dont trust whatever is happening

059: Would you rather go to a party or stay at home? hmm tbh id probably party if my friends were there or if not id stay at home

060: How many relationships have you had? quite a few

061: Are you a positive person? sure, i guess ;)

062: What kind of people do you feel attracted to? smart people who are smart but also dumb and cute

063: What is the longest time you've stayed awake? oooowee i think 21 hours or so?

064: Have you ever been told "I don't want to lose you"? yep! proceeded to then lose me!

065: What is your favorite genre when it comes to movies? action comedy

066: Do you collect anything? memories and dust and trinkets

067: In your opinion, what is your best quality? i can make you laugh

068: Have you ever changed for someone?yep! it happens and its sad but it happens

069: What is your idea of a perfect date? a date is the entire day, starting out with waking up next to the person, eating breakfast together, maybe do some errands / work out, netflix and chill, chill, go out for a nice dinner and night out, come back, netflix and chill, chill, go to bed.

070: Are you shy or outgoing? i would love to say im outgoing but idk!

071: In your opinion, what is the secret for a great relationship? surprises everywhere

072: Are you the kind of person who breaks rules? hm im sure i did at some point. maybe i still do?

073: Is it hard for you to trust people? yea it can get a lil hard

074: What does your dream house look like? fat front yard, lots of plants, lots of green grass

075: Do you feel attracted to people your age, younger or older? hmm im at the ripe age of 19 where options younger than me are a lil sketch. idk according to the historia older people have been quality

076: How much have you changed over the past year? a LOT boii

077: Longest friendship you've ever had? hmm about 6 or 7 or 8 years

078: Do you have pets? If not, what animal would you like to have? no pets, id love dogs

079: Are you left or right handed? ambidextrous

080: What talent do you wish you’d been born with? perfect pitch would help a lot with what i like to do

081: Where do you get motivation and inspiration? minecraft parody songs, also seeing professionals doing what they do

082: Do you know how to swim? If yes, when did you learn? yea, i learned when i was in bellingham and then i learned more when i was in kent

083: You are given one wish: What do you wish for? i wish for 100 million dollars with no inflation, no taxes, no debts, no one filing a lawsuit or slandering my name (this is all a part of getting the 100 mil. ive thought about getting money a lot)

084: Do you like to give / receive flowers? What is your favorite flower? i like giving flowers bc i feel like if i receive them, i dont know what to do. its now ur problem if i get you flowers

085: Would you rather travel to a cold forest or a warm beach? warm beach if its not in the early morning when the sun rises, otherwise, forest

086: What is one thing you can't forgive, that can destroy a friendship or relationship beyond repair? if u kill me i dont think i could get over that

087: What is the last thing you purchased? corsair mouse

088: Have you ever broken someone's heart? Ever gotten your heart broken? yep and yep

089: Have you ever cheated on someone? Ever been cheated on? no and yes

090: Do you believe in soulmates? uhhh its possible. theres 8 billion people on this planet, what are the odds that soulmates DOnt exist

091: Is there anybody you would do absolutely *anything* for? If yes, who? hmmmm not anything, but id do a fair bit for my friends

092: Share three facts about your life.: i like to eat, make friends, and travel/experience other cultures

093: Do you believe in love at first sight? i do, but most of the time it isnt reciprocated ;p

094: Would you date someone who smokes / drinks / does drugs / has a mental illness? yea, i dont see why that would stop me from dating them

095: You are given 15 minutes of fame: What would you do? ask for money

096: How is your dream partner like? shes funny, makes me laugh, smells good, etc

097: Would you rather commit to one person or have several relationships? id rather have several relationships so i know exactly what im looking for in a person.

098: What are some of your hobbies? league, hearthstone, watching people play league and hearthstone, french, etc

099: What kind of person do you want to be? i want to be the cool old person when im old

100: What did you have for breakfast? i had some vietnamese cuisine

101: What is your Top 3 favorite shows? What was your Top 3 favorite shows when you were a kid? the office is something i enjoy, mythbusters, uh scooby doo? idk

102: What are three places you *really* would like to visit one day? hmmm maybe the trevi fountain, il duomo, totally la sagrada familia

103: What was your last meal? What was your last beverage? breakfast, water

104: Who is the last person you had a deep conversation with? hmm probably anastasia

105: What is one thing that made you smile today? thinking about martinique

106: Do you like taking photos? If yes, what do you photograph the most?i love taking photos, but i never have subjects so i dont really take photos too often

107: Has anyone ever written a poem or a song dedicated to you? Have you? FHCk man i wish. wait there was a 100 things i like about you and i think about it all the time. i actually have written poems and stuff but tis been a long time and i dont think my creative juices are back from that yet (but trust me, it was straight fire)

108: Do you remember your dreams? If yes, what was the last dream you remember about?: i remember almost all of my dreams because i always tell someone about them and idk talking helps me remember things

109: If you could go back in the past, would you change anything? If yes, what? i would start learning things so much earlier and stick with theme

110: If you were given 3 million dollars, what would you do with them? invest 2 mill in the bank, get that monthly interest coming back in the mail, use that mill to pay off all my and my friends debts, live life the way i wished i could when i was little

111: What are a few facts about you that not many people know of? i like learning languages but its not profitable in this day and age i feel

'111 Questions': by Ira V. Simon (priveting)

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beca · 7 years ago

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Two weeks ago, I celebrated one whole year in that little Southwest Atlanta house I own. Since moving in, I cycled through one roommate and recently acquired a new one (Rebekah, who is the best and also took this insane picture, during which Moose inserted his overgrown toenail claws between two rib bones of hers. She swears she wasn’t angry about it, saying she grew up with cats and is used to their fits of random violence. Did I mention she’s the best). Speaking of, I also welcomed Moose into my heart and home, as well as Kevin’s (the two give each other showers when not participating in relay races). It’s been a doozy but I love it. Building a home — piece by piece, check by check, YouTube tutorial by YouTube tutorial — has been immensely rewarding, made all the more so because of the early naysayers.

Although extremely frustrating and upsetting at the time, last summer I didn’t realize but I was naturally whittling down my inner circle. A number of close friends urged me to consider purchasing a condo instead of a house — smaller, more manageable for just one person. It’s true I’m one of few people I know who entered the ranks of homeownership as a single person, but I don’t see how that matters. I take pride in solving problems, maintaining, cleaning, personalizing. And since I do so without having to consider the 50 percent weigh-in of a partner, that means it’s totally mine. How is that a bad thing?

Regardless, I do get a lot of help from my family and a tighter-knit network of friends, sans judgement. It’s been a tough pill to swallow — letting go of some of these other friendships, through homeownership resistance and other instances lacking mutual support — but that seems to be the pattern of growing up. We have less spare time, energy, resources to support a rambling, widespread quilt of acquaintances so we home in on those rooted in healthy symbiosis. The drifting doesn’t have to be malicious (I hope not, at least), it’s just natural as growth corkscrews in different, often deviating directions.

Another new direction, too: I recently returned to full-time freelancing. I really enjoyed my time at the agency, learning the ropes of marketing and associated copywriting. However, when a part-time opportunity literally fell into my lap with NYLON, I felt like I couldn’t pass. Add on top of that a number of editors I admire from publications I grew up adoring reaching out to me, and... well, how could I not? I worried if I kept ignoring the phone, eventually it would stop ringing. Currently I have a low mortgage, good health, no children, no partner who needs financial support (lucky this dude seems to have everything handled himself), no pressing debt, etc. — now is the time, etc.

I’m finally getting healthy, as well. I wish I looked into it earlier, but after a year and a half of therapy, I visited a psychiatrist to explore medicinal options. I learned I have a major anxiety disorder, which I’m sure any ex-boyfriend could have probably told you before. A doctor prescribed me a moderate dose of Lexapro to try, in addition to other holistic measures like keeping up with therapy, exercise, sleep, and so on. Even just a little introspection has helped me realize a number of unhealthy ways I coped with the anxiety before I understood what it was, namely imbibing in alcohol past the point of control. Though I’m leaps and bounds from the multiple weekly blackouts of when I was living in Brooklyn (and waking up in strange places, next to strange men. It’s truly amazing I survived all that), I still have occasional slips and lose entire days thanks to panic attacks taking full control. I’ve thought I was getting better or cutting back — THIS TIME FOR REAL — before, but this time really DOES feel for real. Starting medication and self-analysis is helping me gain monumental control compared to where I was even a month ago. So that is good.

I feel like my life is aligning somewhat with the calendar’s seasons. It’s late summer; still hot but the raucous fun is starting to thin as nights grow cooler and ads for back-to-school supplies stuff our mailboxes. It’s a period of reflection, which can be hard but ultimately cannot be skipped. Such Q&A within your own brain and heart is paramount to building the foundation for a successful year, which always seems to start in August, according to my subconscious.

Anyway! Here’s some stuff I published recently I’m pretty proud of:

Bon Appétit: Everything About Rap Snacks is Amazing GQ: What is a Recovering Fuckboy and Do You Know One? Rolling Stone: ‘A Piece of Work’: Inside Abbi Jacobson’s New Art Podcast NPR Music: Songs We Love: BOSCO’s ‘Adrenaline’

Oh! And in March of this year, I started dating a man I’ve known and considered a best friend since I was 15 and we had newspaper class together. I totally love him and he helps keep me grounded while also challenging me on the regular. Among various said challenges, he’s helping me learn piano. We jam out every so often, sipping the delicious Old Fashioneds he makes — or seltzer. He’s also making me watch Game of Thrones and weirdly I don’t hate it. Who am I??

Here’s a track to leave y’all. I hope to start more regularly blogging again. To keep myself accountable, and for whoever wants to follow along. Maybe no one — and TBH, that’s fine, too.

#musings #kevin

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deejaymomjeans · 8 years ago

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twentysixteen

LOOKING BACK ON 2016

1:What did you do in 2016 that you’d never done before? got a big girl job (and then got a better big girl job that came with my own office and desk), bought a car, told my boss she was transparent as hell, had two teeth pulled, went to new orleans, switched to natural deodorant.

2:Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t have resolutions last year and my only resolution for this year is to wear more sheer underwear.

3:Did anyone close to you give birth? NO.

4:Did anyone close to you die? they weren’t very close but close enough for it to still hurt.

5:What countries did you visit? oh uh, none.

6:What would you like to have in 2017 that you lacked in 2016 enough backbone to fight back against the mean women I work with. tbh they made me cry so much the first few months of 2016 it still makes my stomach turn when I think about it. but I’m in a better spot now so I should be okay.

7:What dates from 2016 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? my birthday weekend in new orleans NOV 24-28, the first week of May when I had the worst meltdown in history at a staff meeting, june 28 was a whole year with D.

8:What was your biggest achievement of the year? upgraded my job, dude.

9:What was your biggest failure? um I didn’t fail at anything, NEXT QUESTION

10:Did you suffer illness or injury? I had an infected, broken wisdom tooth that I had to get pulled, that whole week was a real doozy.

11:What was the best thing you bought? honestly I bought so much badass shit for myself this year, I don’t even know where I’d begin.

12:Whose behaviour merited celebration? Dustin for being the most patient man on the face of planet. Ma for helping me put my foot down at work.

13:Whose behaviour made you appalled? um a friend of mine that I barely saw all year due to one excuse or another, a boss & coworker that bullied the living shit out of me, my dad who made a fake FB account posing as my nana to try to talk to me.

14:Where did most of your money go? CHRISTMAS. And myself & bills.

15:What did you get really, really, really excited about? NEW ORLEANS and my own office >:)

16:What song will always remind you of 2016? BROCCOLI.

17:Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? © richer or poorer? def happier, slightly fatter (it’s that happy weight u guys), and much richer.

18:What do you wish you’d done more of? read more, camped more, played more video games, saw more friends, saw my brother more, made more art, helped more people.

19:What do you wish you’d done less of? crying @ work, canceling plans.

20:How did you spend Christmas? with D and my family, playing with my new stuff.

21:Did you fall in love in 2016? I was in love w/ Dustin literally every day of 2016 bc he is a true earth angel.

22:What was your favourite TV program? stranger things~* I didn’t watch much good TV in 2016.

23:Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? my tolerance for people has def waned, I used to feel like “oh be nice to people, you can be friends with anyone if you just put yrself out there and try” and now I’m like “wow I can’t believe that person was looking at me like that, rude ass binch”

24:What was the best book you read? land of enchantment. which I am still currently reading because I’m so busy (not really)

25:What was your greatest musical discovery? girl talk.

26:What did you want and get? a new bike! and a instax printer! and tattoos!

27:What did you want and not get? a work from home job, hahaha.

28:What was your favourite film of this year? what happened, miss simone?, room, little girl blue.

29:What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying? um all the disposable income.

30:How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2017? MORE SHEER UNDERWEAR MORE LACE MORE RAW STONES

31:What kept you sane? my dear mother & lexapro.

32:Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? um.......I spent a lot of time looking at that photo of young Joe Biden soooooo........

33:What political issue stirred you the most? the answer is pretty obvious.

34:Who did you miss? my susan, my friends from my old job, my brother.

35:Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2016. killing them with kindness takes too long; just ruin their lives instead.

36:Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. i don’t fuck w/ yooooooooou.

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thescenicartist · 7 years ago

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Theatre Life Update

I am making this post for two reasons. One, because I keep saying that I am going to give theatre-related life updates but then I neglect it for months, so honestly unless you’re interested in my recent/current post-graduation theatrical endeavors, you can feel free to skip it lol My other reason, which is really more important is because in the midst of crippling depression, anxiety, manic episodes, and bdd, I just need to remind myself of some good things and examples of success so then I can tell myself that it won’t always be bad. So here goes:

IN NOVEMBER 2016, I scene designed my first and only mainstage production at Castleton University: Hand to God. It was a show I looked forward to working on and designing since I had found out about it 4 months prior. It was a sometimes stressful process, paired with grueling work days to get certain elements done (I’ll probably make and entire H to G post at a later date tbh). It was like my baby, and I was sad when we had to strike it.

IN DECEMBER, I graduated from Castleton with my B.A. in Technical Theatre/Design, with most of my focus being in scenic design. The day I left Castleton was bittersweet (I even posted a Snapchat story while in the car, riding past the Fine Arts Center one more time - don’t worry I wasn’t driving). Although it never felt real to me, especially because I would come visit my theatre friends and professors once a month, and provided an extra pair of hands during Tech Week of the spring musical.

IN MAY 2017, on the 13th, I walked at graduation. I got in my place in line outside the pavilion, I marched down the aisles, listened to speeches, and waited an eternity to be able to get up there and receive my diploma. The minute I was on the stage (and after one of my professors snuck a ridiculous photo of me on his phone), that’s when it felt final to me. When I felt like an adult, and I was about to be thrown out in the world officially. I worried for a long time that I was going to struggle with getting gigs of any kind, any job, anywhere.

LATER ON IN MAY, I was part of a mass e-mail from the head of Tech Services at CU (I had worked for him a couple years ago briefly). It was notifying us of the Vermont Pride Theatre Festival at Chandler in July, and their need for crew, SMs, etc. Something in me spontaneously felt like sending my resume, letter of interest, and a link to my online portfolio. The next day, I received an email from the Producer saying that they were incredibly impressed with my body of work, and hired me on for general crew AND as an SM for their production of Family Holiday (also another post for another time). A PAID position, might I add.

IN JUNE, I SM’d a comedy show at the Brandon Town Hall theatre (something that is unpaid, but I love doing it. The director of most of the shows was my elementary school art teacher, so I mostly do it as a personal favor). It was a doozy, but everything worked out well in the end! Then I started attending rehearsals for Family Holiday in Randolph, VT.

LATER ON IN JUNE, I saw a post in CU’s theatre department Facebook page from one of the seniors, who had just become a co-producer of the Actors Repertory Theatre (ART) in Rutland, VT. He was signal boosting, looking for people who would be interested in filling open (paid) positions for the Nov 2017-May 2018 season, and listed them. The ones he indicated were mostly light and sound or SM (which I felt at this point I need a break from lol) but there was a listing for “Set Decoration and Props” so I send my letter of interest and my resume. Later that day, The producer e-mailed me and we arranged to have a meeting/interview at Panera. When I got there, we sat at the table and she immediately starts going over stuff like I had been hired already (which I wasn’t aware of if it was even implied) and I was given the position I applied for. Then she asked if she could look at my (physical) portfolio - which contained photos of both set designs I’ve ever done, as well as my college and professional experiences. She found herself so impressed by it, she asked me if I would also be the Scene Designer for the entire season of shows (a position I DID NOT know was open, as it wasn’t listed), and added that I would be a “gift” to the company this season. I was in such awe (and OF COURSE I accepted that position, too).

IN JULY (THIS MONTH), I move into my host home in Randolph (myself and the SM for another show are going to be staying with the producer) and start my month-long gig with the VT Pride Theatre Festival, an LGBTQ+ focused theatre festival. I PROMISE I will keep y’all posted on that.

IN AUGUST, I am going to visit the Rutgers University Mason Gross School of the Arts to look into their MFA program for Scene Design. It’s my top #1 dream grad school, and it will be the first I apply to. I hope to God that it goes well, and I can start school there in the Fall of 2018, after I am done with my season at ART in May. And during this month, I will be kickstarting my time with ART.

There’s so much I have going for me right now, after alllllll of the self-doubt I shoved down my own throat when I was done at CU and got my BA. And in the midst of every shitty thing going on in my life right now, I have these awesome opportunities to escape from those things by doing what I absolutely love to do. It’s becoming my motivation to keep going, keep trying, kick all the bad shit in the ass so I can see this through, and keep going afterward.

That’s all. TL;DR: I have a lot of gigs coming up, and I’m proud of myself, and I’m trying to use that pride to kick my horrible self-esteem and depression’s asses.

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diogenesthegrouch · 8 years ago

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ok i literally have no where to put all of this down and im tired of feeling like i’m !!!! at people about this and they are either sympathetic but only human and can’t do much besides what they have said, or they are wanting 2 be sympathetic and can’t be bc reasons that are out of their control.

and that’s fine like really.

and if this is read by said person it’s about i don’t even care

i’m like totally okay calling it what it is: scout is thirty but sometimes situations draw her back into the awkwardness of youth and it’s just how it has to be for a limited amt of time.

right so!!

context: i am thirty years old and i am not the most attractive/easy to be into person around. this is my opinion of myself. i think part of it might be that i’m not my own type to a degree physically and that isn’t even bc i’m a bigger girl but more so bc as a bigger girl at this point in time i don’t have what i’d consider my perfect and ideal way of presenting myself. in an ideal world i’m never as exhausted as i usually am. i have energy and i use it to wear more things i like, to wear more make up more often, to do my hair, to do things for ME that are aesthetically pleasing.

i am aware that even lacking that part of stuff at times bc of my exhaustion (pretty much brought on by meds and depression, which is stupid BC THE MEDS ARE FOR THE DEPRESSION JFC.) does not mean every person ever looks at me the way i look at me.

however i am prone to thinking the MAJORITY are just not into my physically and i’m usually okay with it for reasons to be discussed below, re asexuality.

easy to be into? well i’m honest. i’m TOO honest. i try to have some tact but often i think if something is hidden behind tact it lacks the sharpness needed to puncture something needing to be punctured, you dig? i am very logical. i may also be pretty emotional (music, films, books, random rogue thoughts make me sob like a baby or crow like a rooster) but i’m CONSTANTLY seeing myself as i react and at this age i have this neat ability to really catch my own wrists before i do something really rash. out of body experience, in a way.

sometimes tho, i can’t catch myself or i see it happening and can only go WELP it has to happen and at least i’m ok knowing that much.

so yeah ppl like me can be tough to deal with. top that all off with the fact that i can be extroverted in THAT way but very often need time to recuperate through quiet periods lacking mega social shit.. i just have gotten used to the idea that i will be by myself forever.

i might have friends and family but i won’t have A Person who would want to be MORE and that’s fine.

mostly bc i tend to not like a lot of people i meet and i’m also not physically into them. for the second half of that statement i’ve come to the conclusion i’m likely asexual too. i’m ok admitting it might be partially bc of my depression and self loathing of my own look/body to a degree, and i know part of it is not trusting anyone to want to get to know what i need/want and respecting that. i do not feel so !!!! about sexual things that i need to make it a priority.

so, asexual right?

and now the fun part:

so then i meet someone. it is NOT out in the real world but on a website. this fuckin hellhole tbh. one of my biggest and most important hobbies is writing and more specifically writing norse myth muses and even MORE specifically doing so to sort of explore my own spirituality regarding the gods. you can see how something like that feels nerdy a fuck and weird and not a thing you can match up with other things to make a perfect person to be into.

sure u can get friends and shit out of it but i never think of more tbh. reasons being: most are much younger. most are asexual and aromantic irl. most i’m just not into physically or they have others or we don’t have a lot more in common besides wanting to write and a few random things.

so again i meet someone. on this website. who does that writing thing. relates they like norse myths. reveals it’s not just a small thing (maybe just medium but i can’t tell yet tbh) and then comes more fun revealed things over casual conversation where i am nosy bc i am with all new people i meet.

older than me! likes the same music (so important so fucking important) a heathen???? has a job! (i mean this sounds dumb but knowing someone can hold down a legit job and they are of an age u feel comfy with can be huge) is the most beautiful fucking person u have ever seen and doesn’t think so themselves but holy SHIT wowowowow at them being literally ur physical fuckin type 2 the max. so far tolerates all my questions and !!!! chatter has a really good, charming personality!! is struggling with their own mental issues and is honest about it! is dominant in the way i’m mega into like crazy is also someone who likes personalities like yours, possibly, esp the part where u need time to be quiet and chill.

but the issues are:

lmaooooooooooooooo i literally only met this person LAST WEEK lives not near me ofc ofc ??? ???? like am i totally one sided?? last one is the doozy. assumption currently: yes, but that’s aight. bc i’m used to it and that SOUNDS sad and makes me kinda sad but not like, in a way where i want anyone to feel guilty lmao. it’s just what it is and life sucks and that’s ok. it has to be ok bc there are bigger problems in the world and being sad all the time over ur own stupid life is stupid in the big picture sort of way i guess.

also if i were him and someone were as !!!!! about me this quick, despite them being you know.. my age... i’d be like “pls simmer down.”

bc like i said waaay up there i am mega aware that i sound like i’m fucking sixteen. it’s the worst. it feels really out of control and i don’t know what to do besides hope they can tolerate me long enough for me to realize nothing is ever going to happen. so we can just be friends.

i dont know that posting this even helps in those regards.

i just have to get things out somewhere in one big chunk or i’ll lose my mind.

i hate being a girl, too, bc i can tell u right now this ENTIRE thing (as in this post and my emotions as of this second) are magnified bc of my time of the month. fuck OFF with all that. why can’t i just be a robot?

#haha bye

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