#it was a fine movie. just hard to translate text to film when so much is internal thoughts

[readingloveswounds]

there are two works that i refuse to fully engage with adaptation (etc) of bc i have my Own Feelings about them. they are les mis and a certain book that recently had the second part of its film adaptation come out. so you can imagine how i've felt since like 2012 or so. like christ on the cross.

[handsomelyhiddleston]

Sticky Notes - Tom Hiddleston x Reader

It all started on the set of Ragnarok. They hadn’t even started filming yet. Table reads, choreography, costume fittings, set development…The cast, crew, and even Taika started finding little notes.

Some were specifically to certain people…

“Your laugh is contagious. Thank you for making this set so down to earth and inviting.” You slipped that into Taika’s (the director’s) fanny pack when he left it on his director’s chair.

“I know how hard you’ve been working on your fight choreography, and I just wanted to let you know you absolutely killed it today!” You left that stuck to Tessa’s (Valkyrie’s) water bottle.  

Some you posted for everyone, like “I know that you all put such amazing effort and time into bringing this movie to life and I just want you all to know that it doesn’t go unnoticed.” That note was posted above a table full of ‘easy to grab’ snacks you laid out such as protein bars, fruit snacks, pretzels, and dried fruit.

This continued well into filming. Everyone had tried to figure out who was leaving these little daily encouragements. It got to the point that Taika started calling you Casper, as in “Casper the Friendly Ghost.” Every day at the start of filming he would say. “Come on guys. Let’s make Casper proud.”

Everyone had a theory. Most thought that it was actually Taika just trying to keep morale up. Taika accused Tom but took it back after some comment about the notes not sounding very British.

Your job on set was to cast extras. While you were present daily, you honestly only had to meet with Taika once or twice a day to make sure the next day’s cast extras were ready. You two fell into an easy rhythm working together and he started asking for your opinion on some other aspects of the set. One late afternoon, after an incredibly chaotic day of filming, Taika decided that he was going to scrap the entire scene and start it over.

He pulled out his phone and sent a text to you, Tom, and Chris. “Today can suck it. I’ve just watched the dailies, and something just isn’t right about that scene. Meet at mine in 30 so we can get ahead of it.” A few seconds later he added, “And for the love of God, someone bring some tequila.”

You laughed at his text, jogging to the trailer you shared with the other casting director. You changed into a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt and grabbed your keys and wallet. You jumped in your car so you could make a quick trip to the Starbucks down the street since it appeared it was going to be a long night.

“One Venti iced coffee with milk and 1 sugar, one Grande Americano hot with cream and 2 sugars, one Venti hot latte with vanilla, and one Venti hot water with two earl gray tea bags and four sugars on the side. Can I also get one of the small kid’s milk boxes?” You heard the barista repeat your order back and pulled forward and paid.

When you got to Taika’s trailer, Tom and Chris were already there.

“Oh, bless you” Taika thanked you, taking the Latte from you.

“You’re the best” Chris said, taking the lid off of the Americano so it would cool off a bit.  

“Tom, I grabbed you tea.” You handed him the hot water and two tea bags, setting the sugars and milk next to him so he could make it to his liking.

“You’re too kind” Tom graciously took the hot water from you, noting that you grabbed his favorite kind of tea.

In Taika’s trailer there was a table with a bench on each side. Chris and Tom were sat on one side, leaving a space for you to sit next to Taika.

“Anyone grab the tequila?” you laughed, dropping your keys and wallet on Taika’s counter and sitting at the table with your iced coffee.

Taika grabbed the bottle and sat it down in front of you. “You’re already two swigs behind, love.”

“Bullshit” you laughed. “Prove it. Where are the shot glasses?”

“I said swigs, not shots” Taika smirked. “We don’t have shot glasses.”

“Look at how much is missing from that bottle. I just bought it.” Hemsworth backed Taika up.

You looked at Tom, knowing he would be honest with you.

“Hey, you trust Tom more than me?” Taika pretended to be offended.

“Tom always looks out for everybody. I don’t think he’d let me get two shots drunker than you fools.” You teased Taika, poking his side and sticking your tongue out at him.

“Watch” Taika said, putting his arm around your shoulders and looking towards Tom. “How many swigs did we all take?”

Tom laughed, “I’m sorry darling, but he’s telling you the truth.”  

“Fine, fine.” You opened the bottle and took three swigs, handing it to Taika. “Catch up, then.”

Tom started thinking about the compliment you had given him as he took his third swig of Tequila. He felt flattered that you felt that way, but it also reminded him of one of the notes he had found stuck to his trailer door.

“Okay, we need to re-block this whole scene. It just did not translate from script to screen…” The four of you worked on a few line changes and mapped out a better way to execute the scene for over two hours.

There was a bit of dialogue that Taika felt was getting lost that he really just didn’t want to let go of. “We may just have to mess with this tomorrow while we’re filming.”

“Or you could have Loki say it instead of Thor.” You suggested.

“Could do.” You could tell that Taika was thinking it over.

“Here you have Thor immediately going into another hard-hitting line” you explained. “If that line comes from Loki, it makes it less likely to get lost.”

“I think that will fix this problem too” Chris started underlining other parts of the dialogue.

“What do you think?” Taika looked at Tom.

“I mean, I personally think Loki has already evolved enough at that point in the script that it suits him quite nicely.” Tom explained in a way only Tom can explain.

“I agree” you said. “You guys make Loki grow quite a bit in this film and as usual, Tom is hitting it out of the park. I’m 100% confident he will have conveyed that message to the audience by this point.”

“Thank you for your vote of confidence.” Again, Tom was flattered. However, he was growing more and more suspicious that you were Casper.

“Always” you replied, smiling at Tom as you finished your coffee.

“Let me type this up and we can table read it.” Taika grabbed the papers and went to the other side of the trailer where his computer was set up.

“While you do that, I’m going to steal your restroom for a moment.” Chris stood, throwing his empty coffee cup away and closing the bathroom door. Chris joined Taika a moment later.

“Y/n?” Tom said, kind of quietly.

“What’s up?” Your elbows were resting on the table with your chin sat on your hands.

“Can I ask you something?” Tom didn’t want to bring it up in front of anyone. He didn’t want the notes to stop, but he had to know.

Tom looked a bit serious, but you didn’t know why. “Of course.”

“Are you…” He stopped, reaching his hand into his back pocket to retrieve his wallet. “Is this you?”

Your eyes went wide as Tom pulled a small stack of pink sticky notes out of his wallet, laying them down next to each other. There must have been 10 of them in total. You were touched that he actually kept them. Sometimes you felt silly leaving them for people not knowing if they appreciated them. You tried to play it off, laughing. “I thought those were from Taika?”

He pointed at one of them, reading it quietly. “I tried the tea you always drink. I don’t think it could ever replace my love of coffee, but I wanted you to know it pairs well with a good book.” He pointed to another note. “I know you paid for everyone to Uber home after our last night out. I just wanted to tell you I appreciate you. Thank you for always looking out for us.” You could feel his eyes on you as he moved his hand to a third note. “I envy your ability to capture a room. You’ve got an amazing knack for making those watching you feel whatever emotion you’re trying to convey.” When Tom’s hand moved to the fourth note, you heard Taika’s printer turn on.

“Put them away” you said, trying to stack them quickly. Chris started walking towards you and you grabbed the small stack you had gathered and put them in your pocket.

Tom put the rest back in his wallet. “What do you think?” he asked Taika about the changes he had made.

“I think tomorrow is going to be a lot fuckin’ better.” He passed the printed copies around after joining the two of you back at the table.

Tom’s line went over great, and the dialogue flowed much more smoothly. All of the other changes made the scene feel more natural. When Taika called it a night, Chris laid down on the couch refusing to go back to his own trailer.

“Can I walk you to yours?” Tom asked as you stepped out of Taika’s trailer.

The two of you walked back to your trailer in comfortable silence, tired and a little drunk. When you got to the door, you turned around and pulled the pink notes out of your pocket.

“Please don’t tell anyone?” You placed the notes in Tom’s hand.

“I didn’t plan on it” he replied, tucking them neatly back into his wallet.

“I feel silly now that someone knows it was me. Why did you keep them?” You had to ask. You assumed, at most, that people read them, smiled, and threw them away.

“Hmm…” Tom laughed humorlessly, his eyes focused on his wallet. “I think you’re doing a lot more than you realize when you leave your ‘silly’ little notes.”

His response caught you off guard. He almost sounded…sad? Serious?

“Y/n, I’ve had to work with actors and crew that have made filming a project miserable. Whether they were rude or critical or just an absolute diva, there is always someone to bring the room down.” He put his wallet away and looked you in the eyes. “I wish you knew how many of us have kept these notes. Taika has them in the glovebox of his car. The catwalk above the set is covered in notes you’ve left the crew. They’re stuck all over the mirrors in the make-up trailer so that the cast sees them first thing in the morning.”

Your eyes went wide. “What?”

Tom put his hands on each of your arms as if to ensure you were paying attention. “An encouraging word or a genuine compliment can change someone’s entire day, y/n. You have no way of knowing what life has dealt any of these people. They could be depressed or stressed out or wishing they hadn’t woken up that morning…and all of a sudden they receive a tiny bit of kindness from someone and it makes it that much easier to get through another day. Maybe even with a smile on their face.”

Tom wore a soft smile and even though you felt a bit overwhelmed, you couldn’t help but smile back. “Thank you for telling me that.” You moved towards him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Please don’t forget it.” Tom pulled back a bit and pressed a quick kiss to your cheek. “I hope you get a good night’s sleep.”

“You, too.” You watched Tom walk away before slipping into your shared trailer.

Over the next few weeks, Tom had left you multiple green sticky notes with compliments written on them.

“You looked stunning yesterday”

“Thank you for still being a good listener when I go on rants about things you couldn’t care less about”

“Taika was bragging about you to someone on the phone. I just wanted you to know. I know sometimes you hesitate to suggest your ideas, but you shouldn’t.”

“I appreciate how much time you spend making this a better set to work on.”

“You are an incredible friend.”

You’d find at least one note a day and for every note he left you, you’d leave one for him. The two of you got quite a bit closer after he found out about your secret. You’d spend breaks on set together and often times wound up back in Taika’s trailer with him and Chris. You cuddled and flirted and shared more than a few loving glances, but you never went any further. It felt like it was turning into something more, but Tom was such a gentleman you couldn’t tell.

The note you found this morning, however, completely caught you off guard. The filming was almost done and everyone’s time on set was almost over. You had just sat down next to the director’s chair and opened your laptop. There, stuck to the screen, was a green sticky note. “Darling, would you please be mine?”

You looked up at Tom on stage only to find him already looking at you. He lifted his brow and tilted his head, waiting for your response. You couldn’t help but smile as you nodded ‘yes’.

Taika looked between you, noticing the interaction and intentionally teasing you. “Oi, what’s this then?”

Tom turned, trying to hide his grin by talking to Chris. You closed your laptop to hide the sticky note.

“Nah, I saw you two. Don’t pretend like I’m crazy.” Taika was still looking back and forth between you and Tom.

“Maybe you’re still drunk from last night” you teased, putting your laptop in its bag so you could retrieve the note later.

“Oh, sure.” He dropped it, knowing he’d bring it up tonight when you all gathered in his trailer.

The rest of the filming flew by crazy fast. You and Tom had decided that you would go stay with him in New York until the press junkets and interviews started. When the premier rolled around, you two were already publicly dating so you got to escort him down the red carpet. It had been just over a year since the two of you had started dating.

As the credits for the film started rolling, you felt like you were walking down memory lane. So many people go into making movies of this scale and watching all of the names roll by, one by one, really puts that into perspective. You’d met almost all of these people and worked closely with quite a few of them. As the credits came to an end, you saw that Taika had added an extra credit.

The last few “SPECIAL THANKS” credits were in order as listed…

“The filmmakers acknowledge the assistance of the New Zealand Government’s Screen Production Grant”

“The filmmakers would like to acknowledge the Yugambeh and Bundjalung Peoples of Australia”

“The director would like to thank ‘Casper’, Ragnarok’s own personal friendly ghost”

It had been a year since you’d written one of those notes and it caught you off guard. Tom put his arm around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I told you.”

You and Tom mingled amongst your friends at the after party. Taika was flying. He was so happy with how it turned out and grateful for such a positive response. Everyone in the cast was telling stories from filming and catching up with their friends. By the time you two got back to your hotel room, you were blissfully tipsy and exhausted. You slipped out of your dress and threw on a baggy t-shirt before washing your face and getting ready for bed. When you left the bathroom, you saw Tom sitting on the edge of the bed in his pajamas with a soft, warm smile gracing his beautiful face. He was wearing his glasses and his hair was a mess and he could not have been more attractive if he tried.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, pulling you to stand between his legs.

“Pretty good. How about yourself?” you put your arms around his neck and pressed your lips to his.

“I think there’s only one thing that could make me happier in this moment.” He answered.

You thought he was being a bit cheeky, so you replied with, “oh, yeah? I wonder what that could be.”

Tom reached behind him on the bed and pulled out a small box with a worn, green sticky note on top of it. He didn’t say anything, letting you read it. It was the same note he had left stuck to your laptop screen. “Darling, would you please be mine?” Only now the word “forever” was written at the bottom.

[goldentournesol]

Mon Cher

(Spencer Reid x Reader)

Part 2 of Mon Lapin

The one where Spencer and Reader finally go on a date after pining over each other for too long. (Reader owns a French bakery)

Length: 2.6k

A/N: tooth-rotting, cheesy FLUFF! thank you to everyone who requested a part 2, i wasn’t going to write it but y’all--i think this might be my favorite thing that i’ve written so far!

masterlist

Spencer knew that across many cultures, pink lilies represented love, admiration, and compassion. All things he wished to convey to Y/N, so it really wasn’t difficult to pick a bouquet of pink lilies for her. His heart thumped against his ribcage as he neared the bakery where he told her he’d meet her. He hoped he wasn’t too forward with her yesterday, but he was getting antsy. Despite seeing her a couple times a week when he was in town, it was never enough just to chat casually. He wanted to lose himself in conversations with her. With all his ambition for knowledge, he couldn’t think of a subject he wished to memorize more than everything she is. 

He cleared his throat and made sure his tie was as straight as it possibly could be before pushing the glass door of her bakery, the chime of the small bell reaching the corners of the store. His eyes swept across the familiar scenery, but she wasn’t there. He approached the counter nervously.

“Hey, Marissa. Is Y/N here yet?” He asked her coworker and she beamed upon seeing him.

“Hey! She should be here any minute. I kind of forced her to go home to get ready and all, it’s really hard getting her out of the bakery!” She laughed and Spencer nodded, smiling, grateful for the extra minutes he needed to compose himself. 

He found Y/N’s dedication to her job endearing. He glanced down at the bouquet and adjusted the flowers in an attempt to find something to do with his hands instead of tapping nervously against the counter. Why was he so nervous? She wouldn’t have agreed to the date if she wasn’t interested. Well, then again, he didn’t really give her an option. Was that the wrong decision? 

Just before he could spiral into his thoughts any deeper, the bell chimed again, causing him to turn to face the door. The air evaded his lungs as soon as his eyes settled on her, an occurrence Spencer didn’t think happened in real life. He’s read about it, sure, but he never thought he’d ever experience it. She strolled in, a dark emerald dress flowing with her movement. Spencer had to remind himself what the function of the respiratory system was when she approached him. 

“Spencer?” She spoke softly, realizing that he hadn’t said anything. He blinked, snapping out of his daze with a prominent blush. 

“Y-yes. Hi, sorry, um,” he paused, a bashful, sheepish grin overtaking his face, “you look beautiful, Y/N.” She mirrored his smile, cheeks reddening as she glanced at the bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“Merci, mon lapin. [my bunny] You look just as dashing as ever. I see you remembered the lilies.” She sent him a sly smile. He had forgotten about the bouquet in his hand under her intense gaze. He nodded, his arm extending the flowers to her. She graciously accepted them and immediately buried her nose in the center of the bouquet, emerging with a smile that could make Spencer’s knees buckle if he wasn’t careful.

“They’re beautiful, thank you. Give me one moment.” She scurried off into the kitchen of the bakery and returned with the largest cup she could find. She settled the flowers in their new home before picking one out of the bunch and securing it to one of the bobby pins near her left ear. Spencer was positive he resembled a love-sick puppy as he took in the sight. Marissa was pretending to wipe down a table in the background, but really she was fawning over the two lovebirds. 

“Shall we?” Spencer managed to speak, gesturing towards the door. 

He tried to contain his grin as he stared at her ethereality. She smiled up at him and nodded, taking one last look at Marissa before she left. Her coworker sent her a teasing look and waved goodbye. Spencer offered his arm to Y/N as they stepped into the chilly air. She gladly took it and beamed up at him. He tried not to focus on the way his arm felt tingly with hers around it.

“I’m so glad we’re finally doing this, Spencer.” She spoke and he nodded.

“Me too, Y/N. So, I wasn’t sure what you liked so I settled for a reservation at an Italian restaurant. Would that be okay?” He tried to swallow his nerves.

“Yeah, that’s perfect!” It didn’t really matter, she knew she’d go wherever this man asked her to go. 

The nervous energy in the air was lighthearted and it made her feel like she was a teenager going on a date for the first time again. They caught each other up on their lives as they walked. Both of Y/N’s hands ended up around Spencer’s arm and he found himself relishing in her warm touch as well as every little squeeze she gave when she got excited about something she was saying. He wanted to pay attention to the direction they were walking in, but it was too damn hard with the way the lamp lights reflected in her irises. He’d almost walked right past the restaurant.

“Oh, we’re here.” He laughed lightly, leading her to the entrance and they were seated immediately.

Dinner went smoothly. She’d known that he was an interesting man, but he made it so easy for her to get lost in him, what he was saying, his eyes- oh man, those eyes. She knew all about eyes being the windows to the soul, but she didn’t know how one man’s eyes could possibly convey so much emotion. She watched him talk about his work family and his real family, although not in great detail. They were so captivated by each other, the waiters had to make noises with either their throats or mouths to get their attention.

Once they were out of the restaurant, they continued walking down the same street, still deep in conversation about a topic probably wouldn’t interest anyone else. Spencer hadn’t really planned the night out, he didn’t know what exactly she would like, so he decided he’d let the leaves fall where they may. All he did know was when she giggled, his heart skipped a beat. Suddenly, they stopped in their tracks and she let out a loud gasp.

“Oh! You know what I just remembered?” Spencer stared at her curiously, “There’s a tiny theater up ahead that plays some really cool foreign films, you probably know about it. I know the owner, she texts me whenever they add a French movie. Tonight they’re playing one of my favorites, Les Parapluies de Cherbourg! [The Umbrellas of Cherbourg] Oh, you would love it! Would you like to go? It’s totally fine if you have something else planned, though.” Spencer grinned at her excited nature and nodded eagerly.

“Are you kidding? I always have to beg my friends to come see foreign films with me, I’d love to go.” Spencer couldn’t believe this was happening. They arrived at the theater soon and she was disheartened to hear that they didn’t have subtitles for the movie.

“It’s okay! I don’t mind if there aren’t any subtitles.” Spencer said once he saw the smile dissipate from her face. He hadn’t had the heart to tell her that he’d already seen the movie before anyway. The gleam in her eye was much too precious when she spoke of the film.

“Are you sure? I can probably whisper-translate to you, uh, i-if you’d like.” She stated somewhat shyly, a blush creeping up to her cheeks.

“I’d like that.” Spencer smiled as he realized that the roles were usually reversed and he’d usually be the one whisper-translating a movie to someone.

And so they sat in the small theater, arms tangled in each other over the arm of the chair between them. She had one hand on his bicep as he leaned the top half of his body closer to her. They were probably sitting closer than they normally would have sat, but she used the excuse of whisper-translating to her advantage. She felt a strand of his caramel hair tickle the tip of her nose as her lips whispered in his ear. Spencer fought to regulate his breathing every time she came near. He was glad he’d seen the movie before because he was sure that if this had been his first time seeing it, he’d have absolutely no clue what was going on. She also fought to resist the urge to press her lips to his clean shaven jaw--and basically everywhere else. 

The movie ended before they knew it and they could finally see each other in the gentle light of the theater. Spencer turned his face to send her a grateful smile just to find her face inches away from his. His eyes involuntarily flickered down to her lips. The same lips that were by his ear a few moments ago. She smiled back softly and they enjoyed the closeness for a short moment before Spencer shyly broke eye contact. They broke apart, both blushing from head to toe. Both far too shy to initiate anything. He cleared his throat before standing from his seat. Y/N followed him out of the theater.

“So, did you like it?” She asked as they stepped out, noticing that the streets were a lot darker and quieter than they had been prior to entering. It must have been late. 

“Yeah, I loved it.” Spencer said, almost breathlessly, but he wasn’t talking about the movie, of course. She grinned with triumph and courageously slipped her hand into his as they walked back in the direction they came from. He took it one step further and laced their fingers together. She swooned over his smile. 

An aggressive gust of wind suddenly washed over the two of them on the sidewalk, which made them instinctively close their eyes to brace themselves against the dust in the air. She only opened her eyes as she felt the lily in her hair slip out of its secure place from in between the prongs of the bobby pin.

“No!” She gasped and Spencer quickly -and ungracefully- leapt to catch it before it flew too far. She laughed as he turned to face her with a pleasantly surprised expression, almost in disbelief that he actually caught it. He approached her again and gently returned the lily to its rightful spot just above her ear. He moved a stray strand from her face and she gazed up at him with a certain type of adoration. His hands moved to cup the plumpness of her cheeks as they relished in each other's tender gazes. She let her hands rest right under his ribs and pulled him impossibly closer.

“You are so beautiful.” He whispered, his breath washing over her face. He felt the skin under his fingertips warm up.

“Merci, mon cher.” [my dear] She whispered back, a definite level-up from mon lapin. That he did know the meaning of.

Spencer grinned slightly before finally leaning down to close the gap between both their lips. It was gentle and sweet, neither of them rushing it. To many onlookers, they were just a young couple sharing a kiss on the sidewalk in the middle of the night. To them, it was a silent declaration. A statement that conveyed more emotion than any of the thousands of words that existed in all the languages they spoke between them could. Y/N found herself following through after Spencer reluctantly pulled away for air. She stopped herself, blushing profusely at her involuntary movements. He only grinned wider in response before stepping back and grabbing her hand again.

“Let me walk you home.” He told her as they began walking again.

“Actually...the night doesn’t have to end yet, if you don’t want it to, I mean.” She smiled up at him.

“I don’t want it to, what do you have in mind? Everything’s closed down.” Spencer pointed out.

“Um, I might know a place.” She said in a teasing manner with a slight smirk, “The owner and I go way back.” She giggled.

“Oh really now?” Spencer played along, laughing.

“Mhm, we’re practically like this.” She laughed as she crossed one finger over the other on her free hand to represent a bond.

She unlocked the door to her bakery and pulled him in, closing the door again behind him. Before Spencer could even register what was happening, she had grabbed a hold on his tie to gently guide his face back to hers and enveloping his lips with her own. Spencer responded immediately by wrapping both arms around her waist securely. The kiss was significantly more passionate than the first, but just as sweet. She pulled apart first and bit her lip sheepishly.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help it.” She admitted and Spencer stood in a daze. 

She giggled and moved away to turn the lights on, but only some. The soft light illuminated the empty bakery and he realized then just how beautiful the place really was. Or maybe he thought everything would look ten times more beautiful after a kiss like the one he’d just received. The thought had extended to her, of course. Spencer didn’t think it was possible that she could look any more beautiful. But there she was, in all her glory, proving him wrong as each second passes.

“Come with me, I have something to show you.” She hooked her pointer finger around his and dragged him to the kitchen. He was in awe as he took in the sight of all of the kitchen appliances. It wasn’t a large kitchen, but it was oddly spacious and organized. 

She smiled wide at his reaction, “This is quite literally where the magic happens. Ooo! Come look, I made these right before I left, Marissa must have taken them out of the oven before she locked up. They’re for tomorrow.” She pulled him to a tall bakery rack and he spotted his favorite treat, pain au chocolat. She took one off the tray and gave it to him. It was still warm on the bottom. He couldn’t hold his excited grin back as he took a hefty bite out of it. She giggled as she watched him close his eyes dramatically.

“I’m truly at a loss for words, Y/N. They’re so good. How do you get them right every time?” He asked with fascination and she propped herself on the counter of the kitchen, taking one for herself.

“Well, it took time and effort to perfect the recipe, Dr. Reid.” She giggled, biting into it. “I can show you how to make them one day. Maybe our next date?” She looked at him hopefully and he nodded eagerly.

“Yes! You can finally show me how to make pain au chocolat.” He tried to imitate her accent, he really tried. She burst out laughing at his cuteness.

“Pain au cho-co-lat.” She emphasized, separating the syllables.

“That’s what I said! Pain au chocolat!” He laughed, although the pronunciation was still slightly off.

“Alright, close enough.” She giggled again as she pulled him closer, locking her legs at the ankle behind his waist. They’d have plenty of time to perfect his accent later.

“Embrasse-moi, mon cher.” [Kiss me, my dear] She whispered. 

Right then, he thanked himself for having the foresight to brush up on the language enough to do exactly what she asked. 

Half-eaten pains au chocolat were long forgotten.

Mon Lapin (part 1)

[doctorthreephds]

Synapses: Part 4

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

WC: 6.4k

TW: Death, sickness, blood, violence, typical Criminal Minds stuff, specifically from the episode “Amplification”

Summary: You find yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with Spencer as your relationship grows. But, the calm is just before the storm and your job puts you in more danger than you signed up for. 

Masterlist

Taglist: @obsssedwithjustaboutanything​ @green-intervention​ @eevee0722​

Spencer made it easy to fall in love. You had little knowledge of romantic relationships besides a couple of elementary and middle school “relationships” that were barely romantic, just a couple of kids attempting to find their way in the world. Your experience with relationships, in general, had been difficult. Your father was estranged growing up and your mother was loving but constantly busy with work and her duties as a diplomat. She made time for you, though, and in the end, you wish you had made more time for her. 

Death is a fickle thing, it is the only thing that makes life worth living, and yet even as a forensic scientist, you wanted to figure out how to evade it. When your mother died, your relationship with death was complicated because you felt cheated. That she deserved so many more years of life and that you should have done more to help. You know that in your heart, you feel a deep passion for Spencer, that you want to get to know him and to cherish him as he should be cherished, but death still loomed overhead and it terrified you. So you hold Spencer at an arm’s length. While he had no problem hugging you and holding your hand occasionally, you made sure he remains cordial and platonic with you. Such a task was difficult, though.

Your feet ache as you walk over to the elevator, sniffling in an attempt to calm your runny nose. Spring had officially set in and so had your allergies; it seemed as if all the pollen in the world was coming for your sinuses. Pulling out a tissue to blow your nose, you barely register Spencer standing next to you. 

“I’m going to see Ponyo in theaters tonight, it’s a limited run and they’re playing it in Japanese. You could come with me, I could even simultaneously translate it to you,” he states and you jump slightly in surprise, not having expected him to be there.

“Sounds like fun, but I desperately need Claritin and I wouldn’t want you to miss the screening,” your voice is nasal as you speak, the pressure in your head making it pound with every step you take once you exit the elevator.

“It’s no problem, we can both head home and I’ll just pick you up with my car,” he suggests, and you look over suspiciously.

“You hate driving.”

“But I’d drive for you,” you sigh as the two of you make it out of the building and start toward the metro. “I’d just really like to see it with you, I think you’d enjoy it.”

You huff as the breeze picks up slightly, hitting you with another face full of pollen. Looking over at Spencer, his eyes were bright and full of mischief. He holds onto the strap of his bag as the two of you walk down the stairs and you try your best to read his face. Only pure content and joy, oh how this man has ruined you.

“Fine. Only if you pay for dinner,” you mumble, blowing your nose into another tissue as the train approaches. 

“Of course, it’s my turn anyway,” he states, a satisfied look on his face. The two of you often paid for each other when it came to food, remaining constantly indebted to each other. But this way, you always knew he would come back. Because he owed you.

Getting home was a relief, it truly serves as a place to escape and decompress. After being stuffy all day and having to work through several reports as you reviewed the evidence and possible threats, it had truly been a test of your patience. After taking Claritin and changing into something a little more suited to the weather, Spencer arrives right on time. The rest of the night goes off with a hitch and more often than not do you find yourself looking over at Spencer as his eyes take in every single little detail of the movie. True to his word, the two of you order cheap nachos and pizza from the movie theater and munch on it during the movie. He speaks translations to you in a low whisper, adding intonation and inflection to distinguish between the characters. Spencer never ceases to amaze you and while you love Ponyo, there’s just something so alluring about watching Spencer talk about things that interest him. At the end of the movie, he continues to process and talk about every little detail left to his whim. 

“While Ponyo is essentially a movie about a child’s innocence and familial love, there is an underlying theme that comments on the pollution of our oceans, as seen in the character of Fujimoto who is afraid of humans and constantly criticizes them,” Spencer says as the two of you walk into the foyer. 

“The ramen looked amazing, though. It makes me hungry for some real food,” you state as the smell of popcorn makes you crave even more food.

“Food in film, specifically films directed by Hayao Miyazaki, are a tool to show togetherness and family as well as human nature. The details of the food tell their own story in many of the other movies. We’ll have to check them out if they even come to the theater,” he continues and you smile, shaking your head.

“Or we can just watch them at my apartment. I’ll buy the whole box set and we’ll just have a whole binge,” you tell him as the two of you make it out onto the street, walking back to his car.

“That’s also good too,” he says as you bark out a laugh. “It’s a date.”

While such trivial words shouldn’t insight fear inside of you, it doesn’t stop you from spending the rest of the night thinking about it after Spencer drops you back home. It remains in your mind the next day when you go to work and find your way to the BAU during lunch, only to find that they were called away on a case. So, the rest of the week is spent thinking about the words “it’s a date.” Obviously, he meant a physical date, like the one on a calendar. But what if he wasn’t? He hadn’t been over to your apartment before and you had never gone to his. It was like a platonic line the two of you hadn’t crossed so that your relationship would stay strictly on the down-low. What did it mean that he wanted to come over to your apartment, then? On a so-called “date?” There wasn’t even an actual day you planned to have your movie marathon on, so technically it couldn’t even be considered a date. Just a plan. 

That Friday, you were getting ready to go home and crash on the couch after ordering take out when Penelope texts you.

From Penelope (5:46 PM):

I’m gonna need some reinforcements up here, the team is just getting back.

To Penelope (5:46 PM):

Hard case?

From Penelope (5:47 PM):

Like you can’t even imagine.

Sighing, you get up out of your chair and head to the elevator, going a couple of floors up to the BAU. When you get out, Penelope stands there with a face of anticipation as she sees you walk out. 

“Oh good, they’re almost here. Spencer’s not doing too hot,” she says and you frown, turning to face the elevator.

As if they were summoned, the second elevator opens up to reveal the team in several different states of fatigue and disappointment. Spencer stands in the back, hunched over slightly as he frowns and follows the rest of them out once the doors are fully open. You smile at your dad and pat him on the shoulder as he leans down.

“The gelato place downtown is still open,” he whispers and kisses your cheek before walking into the offices. You walk in front of Spencer and gently bump into him to break him from his stupor. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” you ask and look up at him, seeing the furrow in his brow and the dark circles under his eyes that look even darker. 

“Nothing, I have to work on my reports,” he mumbles and walks past into the offices.

“Why don’t we go get food and you can come back, just to help clear your mind,” you insist, following him as he collapses into his office chair, rubbing his temples to relieve a bit of the stress built up over the past couple days.

“I have too much to work on,” he brushes you off and turns to stare at all the papers stacked up on his desk.

“You can work on them this weekend,” you state and push the spinny chair so that he faces you. “I know something is wrong, we’ve known each other for several months and I can tell when something is bothering you. Now, I’m not going to ask, but I do know that you can complete reports faster than everyone here and that you can take them home. So, I declare today backwards day. Let’s go grab some ice cream.”

You smile your biggest smile in hopes of breaking him out of his spiral and the reference to Ponyo definitely helps. He smiles slightly, although it doesn’t reach his eyes, and shoves a couple of folders into his satchel before standing.

“Lead the way,” you smile at him and loop your arm around his in hopes of helping to keep him grounded. The two of you walk out of the BAU in silence, but you can feel a change in Spencer already. Hunting the worst types of people every single day as a job constantly gets to you, especially when it comes to this team who constantly look at the mind of unidentified subjects to catch them. With your father, he deals with it through good old compartmentalization and expensive alcohol. For Spencer, you would guess it’s not as easy. His mind was endlessly thinking and analyzing so any mistake made would be remembered and replayed. The best you can do is let him know that there’s a world around him other than everything going on in his head. 

After getting on the metro, you engage in simple conversation, telling him about what you’ve had the luxury of working on and the most recent book you had been reading: The Awakening by Kate Chopin. When you see the stop for downtown, you pull him off the train and begin to walk toward your favorite family-owned gelato establishment. 

“Where are we going?” he asks, looking around at the nightlife of D.C.

“It’s a surprise,” you wink and pull him toward a small shop full of freezers filled with gelato. His eyes light up at the sight of the gaudy decorations that are over the top depictions of Florence and Rome. 

“Gelato?”

“It’s backwards day!” you remark and order a medium stracciatella. 

“I’ll get a medium mint chip,” he asks and you reach out hand over your card before Spencer can get to the cashier. 

When the both of you have your gelato in hand, you both slowly meander down the street as you devour into your delicious treat.

“Did you know that the word stracciatella comes from the Italian word ‘stracciare’ and is also the name of the famed soup that is popular in the Lazio region of central Italy? The same technique is applied to the ice cream but instead of chocolate and ice cream, it’s broth and an egg-based mixture. It’s a western variation of the Chinese egg drop soup,” he gets out before spooning some of the gelato into his mouth. You can only smile at him as you admire how beautiful he looks in the dim lighting, rambling on and effectively getting him away from the horrors of the world, even if for a moment. He continues to talk about soup and how often eastern traditions are westernized and taken over, but all you can do is stare at him and think about how head over heels you are for him. 

Perhaps it is love. But your heart is stored in a box away from harm. Its defenses were weakening, though. Every word spoken by Spencer was like a small chisel working away at the precious marble box, artistic and masterful. You love him, yet in your mind, keeping it from him meant keeping him safe. Or, keeping yourself safe.

Quiet weeks are always appreciated at the FBI. Quiet weeks for you meant simple research and few reports, just enough to keep yourself busy. Quiet weeks for the BAU were just simple consultations and writing up all their fieldwork into manageable reports. But, before a tsunami, the ocean always rears its ugly face. 

You knew something was wrong when your director called you before dawn. A shrill noise jerked you from your sleep and you pull your phone to your ear even before checking the caller.

“Agent Montgomery,” you reply groggily, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you check your digital clock.

“There’s a suspected attack, we’re sending an agent to pick you up. The FBI is under strict media blackout rules so do not inform anyone,” Director Chase states. “There’s Cipro for you on arrival.”

Your heart beats out of your chest at the mention of anthrax. You had just started college when the Amerithrax attacks happened, it had been one of the reasons you wanted to become a toxicologist. Never in your life did you ever expect to face an actual anthrax attack head-on. 

Getting ready is a blur, you pull on suitable clothes and meet the other agent when they arrive. During the drive, you are given a very quick debrief. Last night, twenty-five people checked into emergency rooms with black lesions and lung failure after they had all been at the same park after 2 p.m. The strain of anthrax used was weaponized and reduced to a respiral ideal that attacks deep in the lungs, odorless and invisible. At the moment, there are eleven dead with the number quickly rising. All remaining patients were moved to a special wing in Walter Reed Hospital with Dr. Linda Kimura from the CDC and her team overseeing the treatment of all victims. You memorize this information and how you would apply your skills, finding any evidence and analyzing it. The thought of working with the BAU is both exciting and terrifying. Your father would be at risk, and so would Spencer. The only peace of mind is the fact that you would be working with them so any harm that comes to them would go through you first. 

Once at the Bureau, you swallow the Cipro dry and take the elevator up to the BAU where several military scientists have gathered and move around the busy offices. Your director approaches you as you enter and glance around at all the chaos.

“Dr. Kimura’s already in the conference room with Agent Jareau and Agent Hotchner. You’ll be accompanying them to any possible active sites to try and gather a sample as well as oversee the response,” he states and you nod, climbing up the stairs and trying not to throw up the pills you just swallowed. Seeing JJ and Hotch helps to ground you a little but your heart still beats quickly.

“Dr. Kimura, it’s nice to meet you,” you smile weakly and shake her hand.

“You too, I just wish it wasn’t under these circumstances,” she replies and you nod, turning to look at the file full of evidence. It was unlike anything you had ever seen, less than twenty-four hours and already fourteen people were dead. 

The rest of the team shuffles in and you meet Spencer’s gaze, seeing the worry build up in his eyes like tiny storms. You were sure that your face shared the same fear. As they are debriefed, you find yourself looking through at the lesions and pictures shared, trying not to grimace at the sight. College had its fair share of gross photos, but those people were either dead or safe. Time was not your friend.

“Reid, go with Dr. Kimura and Dr. Montgomery to the hospital, interview the victims,” you tune in at your name and look up at Hotch as he delivers assignments. “There’s Cipro. Everybody needs to take it before we go.”

“We don’t know if it’s effective against this strain, but it’s something,” Dr. Kimura huffs out as she raises the tray for everyone to take.

“This is really happening?” Emily asks. That’s the million-dollar question, isn’t it? Can such a weapon be real?

“We knew this could happen. We’ve done our homework. We’ve prepared for this. This is it,” Hotch speaks the words as if they are a mantra as if the FBI knows everything. And while he’s right, the FBI does not know everything about this strain of anthrax. The unknown kills people, you just hope you can get to it before it kills more civilians. 

“Jin dan,” your father says. “May you live one hundred years.”

Your jaw clenches as you watch both your father and Spencer takes the pills. Your father is on the older side, you know that and he’s lived through a lot, but something like this would take him out in a matter of hours. And Spencer, he’s young and healthy, but this spore had killed fourteen people. What was another victim? 

As you follow Dr. Kimura and Spencer out of the conference room, your mind is full of statistics and chemical concoctions that could help you. It moves quickly and swiftly, distracting you from the escalation of the current situation.

“Why didn’t you take the Cipro?” Spencer asks as you stand in the office. 

“I took it when I arrived, I was here before you,” you respond monotonously, sighing as you turn and give him a reluctant smile. “Sorry, I’m just nervous. Never really been ‘in the field’ before.”

“You’ll be great,” he offers you a look of encouragement and squeezes your hand as you follow Dr. Kimura to the cars, waiting for Spencer as he grabs files from JJ. 

The car ride is spent talking about treatments and other specific details. You focus on trying to break down the creation of the spores as well as possible antidotes to combat it. Because there are no know samples just yet, you work through from the other angle. How does one weaponize a regular bacteria? Well, increasing its ability to quickly become activated and multiply would do the trick. To fight against it, our white blood cells would need to work just as quickly to get rid of the foreign bacteria that attacks our immune system, therefore an antidote would be able to target this bacteria and destroy it at the same rate. Just as a vaccine would. Arriving at the hospital is a bit jarring, you walk with Dr. Kimura and Spencer up to the wing where you break off and look at blood and toxin reports to fully understand what parts of the body are being attacks as well as what kind of chemicals makes up this specific toxin. 

“What’s causing her aphasia?” Spencer asks as they make their way back over to you. This piques your interest as you take notes on a separate piece of paper, jotting down everything you can think of to help understand.

“The poison is infecting the parietal lobe, impairing her speech. Some of the other patients displayed the same symptoms shortly before they died,” she states solemnly, and you sigh as you speak out.

“The only thing that can help them is if we find the antidote because unless we do a molecular analysis of the specific strain, we’re unable to understand how this works,” you grumble, the want to lash out angrily growing. “This can’t be his first attack, especially if he was a scientist. You run small trials before getting to human subjects.”

You continue to work with Spencer, sifting through ideas as Dr. Kimura makes calls and inquires about possible previous victims. It made sense in your little science brain, that one would not test on a bigger group before ensuring it was deadly with a smaller group--like vaccine or drug trials. As Dr. Kimura brings over a list of other patients, Spencer goes into another area to call the team as you cross-reference your notes with her. 

“So far, all we know is that this is anthrax. Do you think I can use blood and tissue samples in your lab for analysis? Maybe I can refine the strain and get an antidote or perhaps see how quickly it multiplies,” you ask and she nods.

“Of course,” she calls over another nurse and asks for blood and tissue samples from an already deceased victim and asks for it to be delivered to your lab.

As Spencer steps out of the closet, you look over at him and try to memorize every part of him. The revolver that sticks out of his hip, the badge, the long unruly hair, his violet shirt, just everything that makes him Spencer. Your heart was racing with nerves and all you wanted to do was take him out of harm’s way. 

“How are you feeling?” he inquires as you shake your head. 

“I feel useless. I’m no medical doctor nor am I any closer to finding the antidote,” you mumble and look up at the ceiling to try and stave off the tears. 

“You’re doing great. It’s a waiting game until we get more answers about the profile, you’re doing the best you can,” he reaches out and wraps an arm around you as you hug him, sighing as you deeply inhale his cologne. 

“Yet my best can’t stop all these people from dying,” you look over at the young girl that Spencer was talking to, watching as every breath in her lungs feels like the last. 

“You’re one person. And I know that when it gets down to it, you’ll be brilliant,” the two of you pull away slightly and you look up at him, your noses almost touching. You could kiss him right now if your lives weren’t being threatened, but the voice of Dr. Kimura breaks the two of you apart. 

“How’s she doing?” Spencer asks as the three of you walk over to the window, Dr. Kimura pulling up her charts.

“She’s a fighter. She’s held on this long because she’s young and strong. But she’s started to bleed into her lungs,” Dr. Kimura states and you stare through the glass, wanting to will this young girl to live. 

“One of four left,” you mumble and look over at Spencer. 

“We’re running into another problem. When next of kin have questions, what do we tell them about cause of death?” you look back through the glass as you ponder another unanswerable question. 

Once the samples are ready, you and Spencer go down to the hospital lab where you try to isolate the spore in each of the samples and look at them underneath the microscope as well as streak them on Petri dishes. Spencer helps with tools and supplies so you aren’t running around, but the most that the microscope tells you is that it is anthrax and the dishes won’t be ready for analysis any time soon because they need to incubate. Once done, you clean and sterilize everything before sitting down on one of the chairs and looking up at the fluorescent lights of the hospital.

“This is useless,” you mutter and shake your head.

“No, it’s not. They’re delivering the profile right now and then we’ll be able to find a suspect,” Spencer tells you as you look over at him, a small smile on your face. 

“Are you always this optimistic, Dr. Statistics?” you ask as he chuckles.

“No, because I’m usually running and forming statistics, but you distract me enough from the looming threat of death,” your eyes widen as he speaks as you let out a short laugh before his phone begins to ring. The conversation is short, but you gather that you finally have a suspect worthy of bringing in.

“That was Morgan, we’re going to a suspect’s house. His name is Dr. Lawrence Nichols and he tried to lobby for money to fund his anthrax preparedness plan but failed because it wasn’t feasible,” he says as the two of you grab your things and make your way down to the bottom floor, Derek meeting you as the three of you take off toward his house. He fills you in on Dr. Nichols’ past, his adamancy about wanting all families to have protection against anthrax as well as his inevitable job termination. Your hands shake with nerves as you think about having to be around people, specifically people that could potentially pose a threat to your life. This wasn’t what you did, nor was it who you were. You were far out of your comfort zone, but at least you could be helpful instead of sitting around in a lab. 

The three of you wait outside the small suburban house, waiting as the hazmat team goes through and ensures that there are no traces of anthrax that could threaten your life. 

“This guy just had people over for a charity event last month,” Derek states and you look over at the house, it was painted a robin blue. You would never suspect a serial killer to live in such a normal house. 

“We should probably take a look around anyway,” Spencer suggests as the three of you head toward the garage and behind the house. 

You stayed quiet and observed from a scientific view, looking over at the rose bushes and reaching over to touch the delicate flower. Though even the most beautiful flowers have thorns and you wince as a sharp point pricks your finger. Following Spencer, you stick the finger in your mouth to get rid of the blood. 

As you maneuver around the many plants, Derek’s phone rings and he puts Penelope on speaker as Spencer listens in. You, on the other hand, continue to look around for any evidence pointing toward him being the suspect. Perhaps a lab of some sorts. As you enter the smaller building behind the house, you instantly see the makings of a lab with the fumes hood and the surplus of beakers and Petri dishes. Stepping into the lab, your heart jumps in your chest when you see a shattered test tube on the floor with white powder. 

Behind you, Spencer calls out your name and you rush over the door to close it, the chill of the air conditioning blasting behind you.

“Spencer, get back! Get back right now,” you fumble with the lock, shutting yourself into the lab with the vial. 

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” he asks and pushes against the door.

“No, please, Spencer. Get away from the door,” you beg, tears forming in your eyes.

“What’s wrong? Open the door,” he persists as he stares at you through the glass. Was it enough? Was he infected? You couldn’t know for sure. 

“I’m so sorry, Spencer,” you mutter, a tear dripping down your cheek as you step back from the door. 

“Kid, what’s going on?” you hear Derek call out from behind Spencer as he backs up from the door.

“Call Hotch. Call an ambulance. Call everyone,” he tells Derek as the fear fills your veins. Your hands are so cold, why are they so cold? Spencer’s sweet voice isn’t enough to talk you down from the anxiety building up. This was the tsunami and you were caught in the tidal wave.

Spencer stands away from the door as you wrap your arms around yourself, staring silently out at him. Your phone rings as he calls you and you put it on speaker. 

“Tell me what’s going on, everyone’s on their way. You need to describe everything to me,” you can see Spencer’s mind going a million miles an hour and you could see the blame he put on himself. This wasn’t him, this was all you. At least you were right about anthrax getting through you before it did him.

“There’s a body here, I think it’s Nichols, and he’s dead. There’s also a tube that’s shattered. It’s full of white powder, I’m pretty sure it’s anthrax--Spencer,” you pause, staring straight at him. “I don’t want to die, please I’m so scared.”

You hear all the sirens as they approach and you shake your head, more tears falling down your cheeks.

“Sh, you’re okay. You’re gonna be okay,” he says and you can see that all he wants to do is wrap his arms around you. “This is where you can help, remember? It’s your turn to be the hero.”

You look up to him, the tears blurring his figure as you wipe them from your cheeks, nodding. 

“You’re right,” you mumble and take a deep breath before beginning to go through the lab. “You’re right.”

First, the body. 

Reaching down, you feel the skin of Dr. Nichols and see the blue-ish tint to his skin as well as the way his blood has pooled. He appears to be dead at least for a day or two, Livor mortis has already set in.

“Spence, he’s been dead for maybe one to two days. Blunt force trauma to his head,” you say just as Hotch and another man join Spencer and Derek. 

“Doctor, we need to get you to the hospital,” Hotch speaks and you shake your head.

“No, I can help. I’m the only one who can work the case here. I’m already exposed, there’s nothing they can do but give me morphine. I can do this,” you state and turn to the lab, looking around for any important information.

“Just get out of there, you need to go to the hospital,” Spencer insists as you continue to search his desk.

“She’s already infected. Now if Nichols created the strain, he may have also created the cure,” the general says and you grab the papers off his desk, reading through his notes. 

“If I’m in here, I can find the cure, or I can make it. If I figure out how he made this strain then I can make the antidote with his notes,” you reply, hearing Spencer sigh with exasperation. “I can also try to see who killed Dr. Nichols, the answer is in here somewhere.”

“Say something to her, order her. She can’t stay in there,” Spencer’s voice cracks and you shake your head, now was not the time to get distracted.

“She’s right, her best chance is to be inside,” Hotch replies and you set your phone down as you read through his writing. “We’re gonna get a suit and mask in to you right away.”

“Don’t bother, I’m already infected,” you mumble and break apart all his lab reports. 

“Your dad is going to kill me,” Hotch tells you and you sigh, shaking your head. 

“He does his job, I do mine.”

Your mind reels at the information, but you force yourself to focus and read through the reports and how Dr. Nichols managed to make such a potent spore. In your mind, your best bet is a combination antibiotic and antibody treatment to combat the toxins and ensure that any remaining bacteria is killed off.

“I think there was a struggle, there’s glass spread out and clutter all over,” you tell them, looking around and finding another desk in the corner. “There’s also another desk in the corner that’s smaller and organized. It appears there are two sets of handwriting as well as instructions on how to sterilize and transfer spores.”

“Nichols would know all that,” the general states. 

“He has a partner, maybe even a protege,” Spencer suggests as Hotch and the general run off to go follow that lead. Your phone begins to vibrate and you see that your father is calling you. Picking up, you put the phone to your ear.

“Papa, I’m so sorry,” you mumble, feeling the tears well up once more. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sh, piccolo. This is not your fault. How are you doing?” he asks and you inhale deeply, beginning to feel sharp pains in your chest. 

“I’m fine. I’m working,” you let out a sad laugh and shake your head. “I’m scared.”

“You’re going to be okay,” he tells you and he says it with such conviction that you almost believe him.

“If I’m not--”

“Don’t talk like that,” he cuts you off and you shake your head, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

“If I’m not okay, I just want to tell you that you were the best dad in the whole world and that I love you so much. I’ll tell mom ‘hi’ for you,” you hold in a sob as he begins to protest. “I love you.”

You hang up the phone and sob into your hand, breathing in as deeply as possible to try and stay afloat. Quickly, you call up Penelope as something crosses your mind.

“Hey, you,” Penelope mumbles solemnly.

“No funny quip?” you bite your lip nervously as she sighs.

“I can’t be my sparkly self when you are where you are,” she says.

“Hey, Penny. Do you think you can record something for me?” you ask, glancing out the window to where Spencer is staring in.

“Anything,” you hear her type. “Alright, you’re good.”

“Hey, Spence,” you bite back another sob as it shakes through your chest. “This isn’t how I intended for you to hear this, but here it goes. I love you. So much. And I’m such a coward for not saying it to your face, but, if I’m gone then I want you to know that your brain and your smarts are so incredible, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I love you so much.”

A woman in an orange suit steps into the room and you quickly hang up your phone, smiling at Dr. Kimura.

“Dr. Montgomery,” she says as does her best to walk in the suit.

“You look nice,” you say and let out a shaky laugh. “How is everyone else doing?”

“Let’s worry about you,” she states and you nod as Spencer calls you back. You answer and put him on speaker. 

“Hey, it’s me and Garcia,” he tells you as a tickle in your throat bubbles up and makes you cough. “I think the cure is in there somewhere. Dr. Nichols was a former military scientist so he’s secretive and paranoid. Prentiss and Rossi don’t think the partner was a coworker.”

“Can you look for the cure while I help them?” you ask Dr. Kimura and she nods as you look around the room. “I’ve been through everything, Spence.”

“I know you’re not thinking straight,” his voice cracks. “But, we need you.”

 You clear your throat and nod.

“You’re right,” you rush over to his desk and look through his items. “There’s a picture of him teaching and a syllabus.” 

You think back to the instructions and think for a moment.

“Hold on,” you run over to the other desk and look at the content. “It’s a student, it has to be if he went through the trouble of writing lab procedures.”

Picking up the thick stack of paper, you instantly recognize it as some sort of thesis. Years of curating your own, you would never forget it. 

“A thesis, his partner was a doctoral student,” sweat drips down your hairline as you sift through the papers.

“He wouldn’t have let just anyone in there so perhaps he opened his lab to a student,” Spencer formulates as you read through the paper. “Check the sciences.”

“Uh, cross-checking with names of former employees or customers with grievances at the bookstore.” Penelope types away at her keyboard as you read through the paper, it mentions things like preparedness and less about the spores itself as well as scientific findings. “Nothing, my doves.”

“This doesn’t sound like a science student, this is all about city preparedness, and response,” you cough and try not to stress about the taste of blood in your mouth. 

“Check the social studies,” Spencer states. “Public policy, urban planning.”

“Hot to trot. There’s a Chad Brown, School of Public Policy at U. of M. matches a Chad Brown, former employee at the book front. I’ll tell Hotch,” Penelope hangs up as you stifle another cough, the pain in your chest worsening.

“You did it, now get out of there,” Spencer says and you turn to Dr. Kimura as you let out another cough. Blood splatters on your hand and you wipe it on your pants.

“You said the cure would be hidden somewhere we wouldn’t suspect. What about Nichols’ inhaler?” she walks up with the inhaler as you put Spencer on speaker. 

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you out here,” he says and you hang up as the two of you walk out of the lab and into the tent where people are ready to spray you down. You let the tears flow freely now that you’re out and the water rolls over you in an attempt to get rid of all the powder that might have stuck. Spencer is outside the tent speaking to Hotch and your father as you get naked and hosed down. Once they’re finished, you’re toweled down and put into a gown as you get on the gurney and are wheeled off to the ambulance. 

“Hey, you,” you mutter weakly to Spencer as he walks alongside you. Another cough bursts out of your chest.

“I’m seeing you off to the hospital, the team doesn’t need me,” he states and you nod, taking his hand as they get you into the ambulance. There is a sharp pain in your lungs every time that you move and you cough up blood more and more. The lights in the ambulance are too bright and you feel so hot as Dr. Kimura places her stethoscope on your chest.

“How are you feeling, Dr. Montgomery?” she asks as you fail to hold back another cough.

“I’m obey,” your eyes widen as the words in your head fail to come out of your mouth. “Obey. I fleel fin.”

Your eyes water as you look over at her and then at Spencer who watches you in terror. 

“Okay, that’s okay,” she mutters to you before calling out to the driver. “Driver, faster.”

The sound of your heart beating echoes in your head is nausea and dizziness loom over you, making you close your eyes. All the sounds, including Spencer who seems to be calling out to you, dissipate as you drift off into the darkness. At least he would know. 

[lawandorderimagines]

Dickie’s Girlfriend

TW: RAPE MENTION (TEACHER/STUDENT POWER DYMANIC), HOSPITAL

On a cold Monday morning in March when she was supposed to be in second period AP Biology, fifteen year old Isabella St. John rode up in the elevator to the 16th precinct of the New York Police Department, her backpack on her shoulders and her pink dance bag clutched tightly in her hand. Bella had never skipped school before, and she’d never been in a police station either. She didn’t know much about the sex crimes unit except that her boyfriend Richard’s father worked in the division which is why doing what she was about to do was going to be much more difficult. When the elevator dinged and opened, she stepped into the precinct where people sat at desks talking on telephones and writing down notes, people walking around carrying files, and as soon as a path cleared, she could see Mr. Stabler sitting at a desk. Bella was about to turn around when he spotted her.

Of course she was recognizable by her very curly hair. “Bella? What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in school?” With a shaking voice, she said, “I-I want to report a rape.”

Mercy General Hospital

An hour later, Bella was at Mercy General Hospital getting a rape kit done. She felt violated and humiliated as the nurse poked and prodded, took pictures; she was given a morning after pill and had a STD and HIV/AIDS test taken and her leotard had already been taken to a lab. Mr. Stabler had stepped outside, so it was just Bella, Detective Benson, and the nurse. “Isabella, sweetie, we’re going to have to call your parents? Do you know where they are?” They would probably pull her out of her classes at The School of American Ballet.

Her instructor would get fired, her classmates would probably blame her for it, and she could lose her role as Cinderella in the next production. Bella had been at SAB ever since her family had moved to New York from France when she was in second grade, and she had worked too hard for all of her hard work to go to waste. “My parents?! they’re going to pull me out of The School and possibly ballet! I’m going to be Cinderella in June!” Detective Benson had a sad look in her eyes. “Bella, they’re going to find out anyway when they get their insurance bill and rape kit shows up. So where are your parents?”

Bella ran a hand through her curly hair. “My dad’s a neurosurgeon at Mount Sinai in Queens, and my mom’s an actress, but she’s in Paris filming a movie. Please tell me this won’t get out in the press,” she begged. The last thing Bella wanted or needed was for the French press to get wind of the situation and cause bad publicity for her family. Her mom has had a flawless career so far, never once having been involved in a scandal. She’s the face of Chanel for crying out loud!

“Could you hand me my phone? It’s in the front part of my backpack.” Detective Benson reached in Bella’s bag, pulled out a pink cell phone and handed it to her. “I’ll give you some privacy,” Det. Benson said softly, and left the room to join her partner. 

“So you know the victim personally?” Olivia asked Elliot. “Yeah, she’s Dickie’s girlfriend. Takes AP classes, trains at SAB. Bella’s a good kid.” Elliot remembers the first time he met Isabella St. John; he’d come home on a Saturday morning after wrapping up a case to find an unfamiliar brown skinned girl with very curly hair sitting at the table with a plate of pancakes in front of her, but her attention was on Maureen and a schoolbook. They were speaking French, but the little girl’s was much better than his daughter’s. Kathy explained that the girl, Isabella, was a new student at the twins’ school and that her family had moved to New York from Saint Germain-en-Laye, a suburb of Paris.; Isabella had slept over last night and was waiting for her dad to pick her up, and she’s been a staple at the Stabler house ever since.

“She told me that she didn’t want this leaking to the press. Are her parents famous or something?” Elliot shifted his weight as he told his partner. “Her mother is this big time French actress, and the face of Chanel.” They could hear the teenager speaking rapidly in French, and then the sound of a phone closing shut. Olivia went back into the room to question her some more. 

“My dad is on his way, and Mom is booking the first flight back to New York,” Isabella spoke and there were tears in her eyes. She couldn’t believe that this was happening to her, that this wasn’t some horrible dream. How could this happen to her? Why was this happening to her, and how many other girls in her class had fallen for his lies? “Bella, I need to ask you more questions about Eric. How long has he been teaching at the school?”

“Almost four years. Before New York, he was an instructor at the Royal Ballet School in London, and when he started, some of the older kids said he was into younger women, but they were supposed to be rumors. Then I saw his girlfriend. I thought she was his daughter, but she kissed him on the lips. She’s more than half his age. I’m probably not even his first. He always pays more attention to the girls than he does the boys.” She thought back to all the times her friends said they had private lessons with Eric, how his hands always lingered a little lower than where they were supposed to be. Bella felt sick. Maye she was just the first one to do anything about it. “In fact, I have a friend named Zoe. She had private lessons with him last week.”

Bella told Detective Benson that Zoe lived on the SAB campus and showed her a picture of what Zoe looked like. Bella’s father showed up a little later as he had to fight the lunch rush traffic to Mercy General. He was out of breath, demanding to speak to whoever was in charge, wanting to know where his daughter was, and Elliot had the heartbreaking task of telling Dr. St. John that Bella was raped by her ballet instructor. He was still pissed that he had to wait a few more hours, but he complied anyway, knowing that he had to keep calm for his daughter. Two hours later, Bella was through with her examination, and she was relieved to see her dad in the waiting room.

“Bella, je suis venue dè reçu ton appel. Est- ce que tu vas bien?” Dr. St. John asked in French. “Je suis vais bien papa. Maman es sur le premier vol de retour.” Dr. St. John faced the two detectives, now speaking English. “So what happens now? Are you going to arrest him?” “Well, first we have to conduct a thorough investigation and wait for the lab results, interview students. From what Bella told us, it sounds like a lot of girls could’ve been victims,” Detective Benson answered. 

“Bella was supposed to move into the dorms this summer. God only knows what could’ve happened if she lived there full time,” lamented Dr. St. John. While Bella’s father signed her out, she pulled Mr. Stabler to the side. “C-could you please tell Richard and Lizzie about this? I think they should hear this from me.” The twins had been texting her all day; she and Lizzie were supposed to get together this afternoon and start outlining their end-of-the-year project and she was supposed to help Richard study for an upcoming History test. “I promise. And Bella? You did a very brave thing, and you probably saved plenty of other girls from experiencing what you did,” the older man said to her.

“Will I have to go to court?” Bella had never stepped foot in a courtroom either. What if a jury didn’t believe her because she wasn’t convincing enough? What if she tripped up on the stand? “One step at a time, Bella, but I promise, we will get him. Eric will never hurt you, or anyone else again.” 

Bella thanked him, then rushed to the reception area to join her father. Elliot couldn’t believe this happened to Bella. Saturday night before last, she joined the family for game night and they even played a French board game called Jungle Speed. He was also worried about Richard; Shane died only four months ago and now his girlfriend was just raped? How much more would he be able to handle?

“Let’s go see some ballerinas.”

translations:  Bella, je suis venue dè reçu ton appel. Est- ce que tu vas bien? (Bella, I came as soon as you called. Are you okay?)

2.  Je suis vais bien papa. Maman es sur le premier vol de retour. (I’m fine Daddy. Mom is on the first flight home)

[dear-wormwoods]

hey there! i am curious about your opinion regarding the different approaches to eddie's death in every media. you mention it in some metas but i don't think i've ever seen an individual post directly talking about it. i dunno, i'm just really interested! 💕

I think by far the most well done version is in the novel, mostly because it focuses entirely on Eddie during his death scene. It’s told from his POV, it’s focused on his story arc and the things he needs to overcome and accept about himself, and it’s honestly really beautifully written. Eddie’s death is about Eddie, as it should be. 

I mean... with prose like this:

“Far away. Unimportant. He could feel everything running out of him along with his life’s blood . . . all the rage, all the pain, all the fear, all the confusion and hurt. He supposed he was dying but he felt . . . ah, God, he felt so lucid, so clear, like a window-pane which has been washed clean and now lets in all the gloriously frightening light of some unsuspected dawning...”

And this:

“Fading, fading back. Becoming clearer and clearer, emptying out, all of the impurities flowing out of him so he could become clear, so that the light could flow through, and if he had had time enough he could have preached on this, he could have sermonized: Not bad, he would begin. This is not bad at all. But there was something else he had to say first.”

.... There’s really no competing with it. Absolutely nothing any adaptation tries to accomplish could ever match it; Eddie’s poetic acceptance of himself, and the washing away of his fear and doubt.

In the novel, Eddie makes the choice to do what needs to be done to severely wound IT, even if that means sticking his whole-ass arm inside its mouth. He knew what could happen. He’d known it since before he even got to Derry. He’d known it since he was a child, that he’d die for his friends if that’s what it came to, if that’s what they needed from him. That Eddie is facing IT head on when he dies is a display of his agency and his bravery, and he does enough damage to make it possible for Bill and Richie to finally kill it for good.

In the miniseries his death is kind of a joke, tbh. Like I get it, they couldn’t have much gore, they had a small budget, and were limited by the special effects at their disposal. But IT literally barely touches Eddie and then he falls like two feet and gracefully dies. The most that could’ve happened to him is maybe a couple of cracked ribs and a bump on the head. But that being said, the miniseries also had Richie carry him out of the sewers slung over his back like a Big Strong Hero, which gives it major points. And because of that, it actually leaves room for an alternate ending: that Eddie simply fainted, was fine, and the comedy partner that conveniently looked exactly like Eddie actually was Eddie. Obviously. 

Ch.2... well, it made Eddie’s death entirely about Richie’s pain, not Eddie’s self-acceptance. Eddie wasn’t even facing IT, wasn’t allowed to make the decision to perform self-sacrifice, because the filmmakers wanted to make his death more traumatic and shocking for Richie. The entire thing is centered on Richie, and while Bill Hader certainly acted it very well, it was just a continuation of the same trends the entire film had been following: pushing Eddie’s arc aside, forcing him to take a backseat to Richie. In the end, he assumes the roll of Dead Love Interest, a character who serves no purpose other than to be Fridged in order to fuel the protagonist’s revenge/pain. And on top of that, Eddie died for nothing anyway because all the Losers actually had to do was, apparently, bully IT to death. 

I get that it’s hard to translate text to film sometimes, especially for a character whose development happens primarily through inner monologue, but if they had given Eddie’s character arc any weight and attempted to stay true to his book characterization at all, his death would have been a lot more meaningful. If they had developed Eddie as a character instead of just... y’know, letting Ransone play JDG and JDG play himself, they could’ve really done something. And if they had bothered to develop Reddie at all throughout the movie, rather than leave it for a post-mortem reveal, Richie’s reaction would have hit harder too. 

[maitranslations]

[ENG Translation] =LOVE Takamatsu Hitomi - HUSTLEPRESS interview (2020.10.12)

“Appearing in their personal clothes!” Serialization part 1 - Takamatsu Hitomi

Note 1: It is her first interview with HUSTLEPRESS since her return.

Note 2: There are bound to have mistakes so I apologize for any errors.

Switching from lazing around at home to deciding to return took one day.

--Upon returning, how did it felt at the dressing room waiting to perform for the 3rd anniversary concert in September? It felt the same as last year, the usual.

--It was your first stage in one year, were you nervous? Nope. I have always been the type who doesn't get nervous. But on the actual day, time was tight, and we all had to get whatever we need to confirm right into our heads. So when I saw Sashihara (Rino)-san from the stage during the rehearsal, I got nervous.

--During the preparation lesson, you find the choreography for 'CAMEO' which was released during your hiatus, difficult that you cried even though you rarely do...... I heard this story from Sasaki Maika-san's radio show on YouTube. It was difficult, or rather, I didn't know the choreography when we were working on the 12-people version, so I was supposed to learn it while doing it with everyone else. But then I didn't know the choreography plus I had no idea where my position was, I was like, "This is impossible after all. I'm sorry."

--During your hiatus, you were "at home almost everyday" so what did you do at home? Nothing (laughs). For one year, I was sooo out of it (laughs).

--Did you watch Ikorabu (=LOVE)'s activities? Yes. From my perspective, Ikorabu has become more and more popular and famous, and I think that's great.

--At some point, did you go into "I can't wait to return" mode? I had the feeling of "I will definitely return" ever since I went into hiatus, but there were days where I couldn't think like that. During those days, I tried not to force myself to think that "I must return".

--During your hiatus, Sashihara-san commented, "I want you to have a wonderful experience that you could only have while you're on break". Did you get such experience? I wanted to, but because of the self-restraint period (Note 3: most likely referring to the ‘lockdown’ period due to COVID), I didn't go anywhere, and I hardly did anything. At most, I met up with my friends from my hometown in October when I started my hiatus.

--Hitomi-san, you like movies, right? Did you watched all sorts of films? I watched quite a lot on streaming services.

--Did you watched whatever movies that was on "Recommended"? I searched for what I want to watch. I watched a lot of Japanese movies, but what I looked forward to every week wasn't a movie nor drama, but "Gout Temps Nouveau 2". It broadcasts every Wednesday, I hardly can wait every week (laughs).

--To that extent huh (laughs). The casting of the guests is superb, I never get bored because I get to listen to opinions of different people each time, and I love that the talks are interesting. Topics about romance are a lot, so there are some things that I don't understand. I even went for the public recording (laughs).

--You bought a ticket normally? I applied for it. I was close to the stage, the casts were all so beautiful.

--Hasegawa Kyoko-san, Tanaka Minami-san, Takizawa Karen-san, and Nishino Nanase-san, right? Their talking ability were so great that I was overwhelmed.

--Anyways, it seems that you decided to return 2 months before the 3rd anniversary concert, were you able to immediately switch your life and mind back? Yes. I called and talked to a staff a while back. All this while I was just lazing around, but my life completely changed in one day. I thought I should do my best that I switched really quickly.

--Perhaps your mind got into the "it's about time" mode. I did get into it, but I couldn't take any actions with my feelings alone. When I needed someone to push me, I felt like I got it.

--Did you devote yourself into self-training for dance? I did some self-training, and had a one-to-one lesson with the teacher to sort of help me recall the steps for everything from '=LOVE'. In case I might have forgotten.

--So even when you didn't dance for so long, your body still remembers? There were times where I went "huh?", but I'm fine.

--Do you feel different now compared to before you were on hiatus, and when you made your debut? I think so. I feel much more positive than ever.

--We would like to ask you about the theme, "Whatever moves you has a meaning" for this interview. Hitomi-san, is there anything that moved you recently? The moment I saw the audience during the 3rd anniversary concert, I got really excited. It went straight to my heart too, I could feel it pounding hard. It's been a while since I felt that, I knew it I would feel nervous, but I was so happy.

--Were the audience cheering louder than you expected? The audience weren't allowed to let out their voices, but when my name first appeared on the screen, I could feel everyone let out a "Woahhhh!".

--Were you touched that during your hiatus, Oba Hana-san made a flipbook-like animation of you dancing to '=LOVE' in the ending card for the official YouTube channel?   I was so touched. I only got to know it as a surprise when I watched the video, so I immediately texted "Thank you" to Hana-chan on LINE. She was still working on the drawings at that time, so she told me, "I'll do my best".

--Did you watched it when it was completed? It was perfect. The animation is so cute, it does feel like Hana-chan's work. I was also happy that she drew me with a ponytail.

--What is the most impressive thing that happened in your life so far? At our first stage in 2017 at TIF, where we performed outdoor at a very large venue, two of my friends came down to watch us while wearing cooling pads. They screamed my name, "Hitomi-!".

--They didn't tell you beforehand? They were like, "We might come down". They were right in front among the audience, so I was like, "EHHHH!?". One of them came all the way from Hokkaido. I remembered being so happy that it gave me the energy, so I was able to work even harder.

--Looking at the other Ikorabu members, anyone impressed you? After being on hiatus for a year, I started looking at Ikorabu in an objective manner, and I realized the effort everyone put in behind the scenes. Especially (Takiwaki) Shoko-chan and Hana-chan. I didn't go and watch their performances during my hiatus, I only listened to the songs from their CDs. Listening to their live singing for the first time since my return, I realized they really improved. When I asked them, "What did you do?", they told me they went for voice training, and sang a lot. I'm so impressed.

--Okay, any food that left you a good impression? I'm into eating imo-kenpi recently. Also, I started cooking for myself every day ever since I decided to return. I was like, "Eh? This is delicious!" loudly when I tried the sesame soymilk noodles that I made (laughs). I was so impressed by how delicious it was then.

--Is the cooking of high difficulty? It was rather easy to make. I just looked at the recipe and made it, and the spiciness and seasoning was just how I like it.

--Do you usually cook before this? Not at all.

--No wonder you got burned while cooking. I got burned at two areas. Both times were when I was trying to take something while using the frying pan, it hit my arm and burned me (laughs).

--In the first place, what's the link between returning and cooking for yourself? I didn't take 3 meals a day before this, I ate and went to bed whenever I want, to the point where I became pretty chubby (laughs). I felt like I need to lose weight before I return, so I started cooking healthy meals for myself.

--So you completely changed your eating habits. I did a complete 180 degrees change. I eat a lot for breakfast because I get hungry, I basically skipped lunch for two months, and eat light food such as fish for dinner.

--2 meals a day huh. I was often told that if I'm going to have 2 meals anyways, it is better to have breakfast and lunch, but I can't hold my hunger in at night. I still can tolerate not eating lunch, so I choose to eat breakfast and dinner.

--Have you ever been moved from looking at beautiful sceneries? I can see the sky from my room, so during my hiatus in January, February and March, I often get to see beautiful sunsets that were like pink and light blue. Whenever I open the curtain and watch the sunset. I feel soothed.

--Hitomi-san, you will be turning 20 at the beginning of the new year, right? I used to feel like I still want to stay in my teens, but recently I want to turn 20 as soon as possible. There are more members who are legal to drink, so I can't wait to mix around with them.

--You will be able to do more things. There are various places I feel like going, but with the situation right now, it's hard. Thinking about it now, I really should have gone when I was still on hiatus (laughs).

--What kind of places do you want to go? Overseas. Like Taiwan or Italy. I was planning to go to Italy with my mother and older sister, but we couldn't go abroad at that time, so it got cancelled. We did talk like, "We should use the money supposedly for the overseas trip to go somewhere within the country", but couldn't go anywhere eventually due to country being in a state of emergency.

--What do you look for if you could go? I want to eat authentic pizza and pasta in Italy, I want to eat while walking around the night market in Taiwan. I would look for food if I could go (laughs).

--You are waiting for the day to be able to go...... right? It is precisely at this time that we, =LOVE, would like to be given more chances to make everyone happy.

[cottontail20]

In Happy Times, Our Love Does Grow, Chapter 21: Almost A Family

Summary: Viv hijacks Wanda and Vision's date again, but Wanda doesn't really mind.

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20601530/chapters/51091858

A little while later, Vision headed up to the counter, ordering a McChicken meal for Wanda, a hamburger Happy Meal for Viv, and the classic Big Mac for himself. Viv, a well behaved child for the most part, was happy to sit and eat quietly while the adults talked.

"So, you've never been tempted to go back to Sokovia?" Vision asked, after swallowing his latest mouthful.

"God, no. That whole country is a.." She'd been about to say gaura de rahat.. translation, 'Shit-hole', but stopped herself, mindful of Vivian's presence. "There are just too many bad memories. Not too mention it's still a war-zone most of the time."

"Ah.. When you put it that way, I see why you would not want to go back.." Vision frowned. She had suffered so much.

"What about you, Vizh?" Wanda popped a few fries in her mouth.

"Hmm?"

"Have you ever thought about going back to Britain?" Wanda clarified. "Looking for your Family?"

"A little, when we lost Vin, and just after Vivian was born.." Vision replied. "More for medical history than anything else. Otherwise, I don't see much reason to. I found my family here in the U.S."

"Like Lilo & Stitch" Viv piped up through a mouthful of burger. "You found your family all on your own."

"Don't talk with your mouthful" Vision gently scolded, then smiled. "But yes, a bit like that.."

"Lilo & Stitch.." Wanda thought for a moment. "That's the one with the little girl and the crazy alien, right?"

Viv swallowed her next mouthful before she answered.

"Uh-huh."

"I don't think I've ever seen that one.. Of course, there are a lot of those movies that I haven't seen."

"But you have to see it!" Viv gasped. "It's one of our most favorite movies. Daddy, can we all go home and watch it?"

"Well.." Vision sighed, hesitating slightly, feeling a little as though Viv was hijacking his date yet again. "We were going to get dessert.."

"We can always get it to go" Wanda shrugged. "I'm off work Tomorrow, so I'm happy to go watch a movie."

"If you're sure.."

"I'm sure."

"Yay!" Viv jumped up from her seat and ran to join the line at the counter, behind an exhausted young couple with a fussy toddler, and a suspiciously red-eyed man who probably had the munchies.

"Vivian, you haven't finished your fries!" cried Vision exasperatedly, before turning to Wanda with an apologetic expression. "Sorry again.."

"Vizh, I already said it's okay.." Wanda couldn't help laughing a little at how worried he was. "This was fun. Movies at home are fun too. And Viv is fun. Sure, it might be nice to try for a bit of alone time next time, but it's no big deal.."

"N-Next time?" Vision's eyes lit up.

Wanda, suddenly caught in her own insecurities once more, failed to notice that light.

"I.. well.." Shit. Wanda thought things had been going well, but maybe she'd assumed too much. Maybe she'd screwed up, pushed too hard, made him feel uncomfortable with her question about returning to Britain.. She stood awkwardly. "I thought.. But if you don't want a next time.."

"Of course I want a next time!" Vision jumped up as eagerly as his daughter had a few moments before, grabbing Wanda's hand. "I want multiple next times. I want more dinners, and lunches, and movie nights and.. Maybe I am getting a little ahead of myself" Vision blushed.

Wanda, calm again now, laughed, a soft melodious sort of sound, and Vision's blush deepened, because Wanda's laughter was one of the most wonderful things he had ever heard.

"I don't think you're too far ahead, Vizh."

"Good.. My point is, I really do want a next time.."

"So do I" Wanda smiled softly. "We'll talk about it later.. For now, dessert. What's good? I've never had dessert here before."

"Well, I have always been partial to the apple pie.." Vision replied, as they walked hand in hand to join Viv in line. --

A short while later, they were back at Vision's house once more, and after changing Viv into her pajamas, they all settled down to watch their movie.

They ate their desserts, apple pies for Wanda and Vision, and a strawberry sundae for Viv, as they watched.

Wanda found herself tearing up at a few points in the film. Lilo's story about the loss of her parents, Stitch feeling 'Lost'. Seeing Wanda's tears, Vivian crawled into her lap, snuggling close, and Wanda couldn't help smiling, gently stroking the little girl's hair.

Vision watched them both for a while, rather entranced. Viv fit in snuggled against Wanda like she belonged there. Though it was still much too soon to think it, the words flashed in his mind again. His girls. Slowly, almost shyly, Vision draped his arm around Wanda.

Without really thinking about it, Wanda rested her head on Vision's shoulder, shuffling slightly closer to him on the sofa.

To someone who didn't know any better, they already looked like a family.

Shortly after the credits rolled, Viv dozed off in Wanda's lap.

"I'd better get her to bed.." Vision reached for his daughter.

"I've got her" Wanda stood, holding Viv. The little girl was a pleasant warm weight in her arms, her hand clutching the front of Wanda's sweater. "Down the hall, second door on the right, right?"

"Yes" Vision nodded. "That's right."

Wanda headed down the hall to carry Viv to her room, and Vision followed quietly behind them. As he watched Wanda gently tuck Viv into bed, he felt a pang in his heart, reminded of the maternal influence that Viv had never really had, and that Wanda had not had for nearly long enough. Wanda pressed a kiss to Viv's forehead, then headed back over to him, frowning a little at his expression.

"Are you okay, Vizh?"

"Yes.. Just thinking."

"Right.." She blushed. "I, uh, suppose I'd better head home soon."

Vision had a sudden desire to ask her to stay. It felt so much like she belonged there already. However, he didn't want Wanda to get the wrong idea, even though he, of course, would have slept on the couch.

"Of course" He said instead. "I will call you a cab." --

The cab arrived all too soon, and Vision walked Wanda out to the sidewalk where it had parked. Hand in hand.. they'd been doing a lot of that.

"So.." Vision began. "About, uh, 'next time'.. I heard you say you were off work Tomorrow, but did you have any other plans?"

"Not really.. why?"

"I'm free tomorrow too. Scott is taking Viv to play with Cassie after preschool.. W-We could do lunch? I know a nice little Cafe.."

Wanda smiled at his awkwardness. It was adorable.

"Sure. Lunch would be great. See you Tomorrow, then?"

"Yes.. Tomorrow." Vision hesitated for a moment. Should he kiss her? Did she want him to kiss her?

Wanda did, but she found herself feeling as nervous as Vision was. She had not had a first kiss, a real first kiss, the kind of kiss that was supposed to be the start of something special, for a long time. She actually found herself grateful for an excuse to wait a little longer.

"Hey. No pressure, taking it slow, remember?" She smiled, then tapped her cheek. "Here is fine."

"Alright" Vision smiled softly, kissing Wanda's cheek, and opening the cab door for her. "I'll pick you up around 12:30?"

"Perfect."

"Don't forget to.."

"Text you when I'm home safe" Wanda chuckled as she got in the cab. "I know. See you Tomorrow."

"See you Tomorrow."

Vision paid the driver, once again including a generous tip. He watched the cab until it was out of sight before he headed back inside, sighing.

The House felt surprisingly empty.

[littlepurinsesu]

[IDOLiSH7] DUSK TiLL DAWN (Story Translation 3)

*Note: This is a Chinese-to-English translation using the official Chinese translation from the TW server! There’s a small chance that some phrases may differ slightly from the original Japanese text due to different wording and localisation, but overall there shouldn’t be too much of a difference so probably nothing to worry too much about xD

CHARACTERS: Iori: Io Yamato: Yamarson Mitsuki: Mick Tamaki: Tamathony Sogo: Somas Nagi: Nagistopher Riku: Rictor

(I will include the characters’ names in brackets even if they haven’t revealed their names yet, because it would just be too confusing otherwise. I recommend having the game story open as you read so you get a better feel of the characters’ actions and expressions, since I won’t be indicating them here ^^)   ---

STAGE 3

20:30

Tamathony: If we rush down this path in one breath, we’ll get to the underground subway!

Io: Woah…! There are monsters approaching from behind…!

Mick: Don’t look back! Just run!

Yamarson: Huff, huff…

Somas: That monster really was slow.

Io: What?

Somas: It really had the feel of a zombie, amazing!

Io: What are you still being happy about at a time like this!

<ROAR>

Yamarson: Oi, we’re being surrounded…! What do we do!

Mick: Ah, wait for me for a moment! I’ll bring out the secret weapon now! You guys block your ears…!

<CRASH CRASH CRASH>

<ROAR>

Mick: Okay!

Nagistopher: Mick. Throw it to the enemies here, too.

Mick: Okay, Captain! Ah, oh no, my hand slipped…!

<BAM BAM BAM>

Somas: Wow~! So cool…!

Rictor: S-So amazing… Not only shooting down a grenade, but also hitting the Gathereds…

Mick: That’s our Captain!

Nagistopher: Mick, that’s the seventh time you’ve done that since this term.

Mick: Eh, did I do it that many times…?

Yamarson: Woah! What’s that! Siren head!?

<ROAR>

Io: There’s no end to this…! Just how many are there! Somas, there are monsters over on your side!

Somas: Woah…!

Yamarson: Dammit, we were just a little away from the underground subway, and now I have to fight with this little knife…!

21:00

Io: Huff, huff… We finally managed to get to the underground subway.

Mick: It’s so quiet…

Io: It’s missing the breath of humans, this place makes me feel uncomfortable…

Somas: There’s not only a strange fog, but also lots of dead mice.

Yamarson: Sigh… Are we really going to go through a place like this to get to the lab?

Rictor: Sorry, taking this path is the quickest, and the safest. There’s a hidden passageway up ahead; even among those in the lab, only a small number of people know about it.

Io: Why do you know about this passageway? Didn’t you say you were a basic-level employee?

Rictor: … The doctors told me. People like me who were born in the lab rarely go outside, so they told me so that I could use it in case something happens… The doctors have always treated me well, trying their hardest to make sure I don’t feel lonely.

Mick: You say you were born in the lab, meaning that your parents are those two doctors?

Rictor: No, the doctors are the doctors. I don’t know who my parents are… Woah! Ouch.

Io: A-Are you okay?

Rictor: Mm, I’m okay… It’s too dark, so the view isn’t very clear…

Io: Rather than saying it’s too dark… why not say that it’s because you’re wearing that mask?

Rictor: Eh?

Io: Alright, stand up. It’d be better to take off that mask.

Somas: Eh! He feels really strong and cool wearing that mask, is he going to have to take it off?

Mick: Io is right. Bad vision could be fatal! If you don’t want to become a part of those guys, take it off.

Rictor: … But… is the air here okay?

Mick: Air?

Rictor: It must be really dirty…

Io: He seems to have been taught to wear that antivirus mask whenever he goes outside.

Tamathony: Is that so? Then isn’t it really bad that we aren’t wearing masks?

Mick: Not at all… Seriously, what kind of education did you receive. Rictor, the air here is fine. If there were any problems, we’d all be dead ages ago.

Rictor: Th-That’s true… I understand. Huff… It was so uncomfortable just before.

Mick: What, you’re still just a kid! Are you really a researcher?

Rictor: So mean! I’m a true adult through and through…!

Tamathony: Mick doesn’t really have the right to say that.

Mick: Ah? Did you say something just then?

Tamathony: No~ Ah… hey, we’re gonna continue ahead, right?

<ROAR>

Rictor: Woah!

Yamarson: Oi oi oi, just how many are gonna come…!

Tamathony: There are so~ many. It’s basically peak time.

21:45

<BAM BAM BAM>

…!

<ROAR>

Io, Yamarson, Somas, Rictor: Huff, huff…!

Mick: Just how many are there! You guys, don’t get surrounded!

Nagistopher: Get on the subway tracks!

Tamathony: Hurry up! Run, run!

Yamarson: Urgh…

Somas: Yamarson!!

Yamarson: Huff, huff…

Rictor: …! Just as I thought… you’ve been infected, right?

Somas: Infected…!?

Rictor: Your complexion has been looking pretty bad, and you have symptoms of a fever. And… your eye is already showing early signs of an outbreak…

Io: I-It’s shining…!

Tamathony: Is this for real…

Yamarson: N-No! I haven’t been infected! I…!

<CLICK>

Yamarson: No… please no! Don’t dispose of me!

Rictor: P-Please wait! He hasn’t broken out yet! We can still make it, we can save him if we have the vaccine that the doctors made!

Mick: … But we don’t even know when he’s going to break out!

Rictor: In any case, give him a painkiller first…!

Tamathony: Hey…!

Rictor: Yamarson, please eat this first… This is a new medicine, but I think it’ll work.

Yamarson: Urgh…

Io: Can he really be saved?

Rictor: Yes… As long as we give him the vaccine before he breaks out.

Yamarson: …

Mick: Sigh… Listen carefully, bringing him with us means placing everyone in mortal danger. Do you understand?

Rictor: I-I understand… But, he still has a chance to be saved.

Somas: … Um~

Mick: What is it?

Somas: Sorry, but I thought of a common trope in movies. If we kill our comrade now, it’ll raise a death flag for another person… We all went through so much to make it here, so I think it’ll be better if we get to the end together. If we can save Yamarson, acquire the vaccine, and everyone lives on, then it means we win. It’ll be a happy ending!

Io: You’re saying this kind of stuff again! I told you we aren’t filming a movie!

Somas: But…

Io: There’s never a good outcome when I listen to you, I’ve lost count of how many times…!

Somas: I-Is that so…?

Io: Did you forget? Something happened when we were in middle school…

Somas: Woah! Do you have to mention that thing now!?

Io: Anyway! You always act on a whim, never considering the outcome! … But…

Somas: …?

Io: If possible, I also hope we can all live on together!

Somas: Io…!

Tamathony: Hey~ Are you guys done yet~

Somas: Ah… sorry.

Mick: Captain! … Ah, it seems that there’s no need to ask, you’ve already made your decision, right.

Nagistopher: Yes, it’ll be fine as long as we keep a close eye on him during the journey, simple as that. Let’s hurry up and keep moving.

Mick, Tamathony: Understood!

<ROAR>

Rictor: !?

Io: What is it this time!?

Somas: So loud… Is it the roar of something…?

Mick: Something’s coming…! Everyone prepare for battle!

<CLICK>

<ROAR>

22:30

<ROAR>

<BAM BAM BAM>

Tamathony: Oi~ What’s up with this guy, he’s super strong~!

Io: My arrows are getting absorbed…!

Tamathony: It’s so hard to grasp whether its body is hard or soft!

Mick: Anyway, just take it on!

<BAM BAM BAM>

Rictor: I-It’s no use!

Yamarson: It’s can’t be…

<ROAR>

Somas, Rictor: Woah!

Io: Somas! Rictor!

<ROAR>

Tamathony: If we keep this up, more and more of them will gather!

<BAM BAM BAM>

Yamarson: Urgh…!

Rictor: Yamarson!

<BAM BAM BAM>

Nagistopher: Tamathony.

Tamathony: What~ Captain! I’m a little busy at the moment.

Nagistopher: You take everyone to the institute.

Tamathony: What!?

Mick: We’ll be wasting too much time if we’re all stalled here!

Tamathony: But, will you two be okay!

Mick: Please, did you forget who we are!

Tamathony: … Got it!

Nagistopher: We leave it to you over there.

Tamathony: Mm! Leave it to me!

Mick: We’ll be depending on you! We’ll catch up very soon!

Io: … I’ll stay behind too.

Somas: Io! What are you saying…

Io: It’s not like me to continue receiving help one-sidedly.

Somas: That may be true, but it’s really dangerous! It’s not like you to be so reckless!

Io: I’m very calm. Also…!

<SHOOT>

<ROAR>

Io: I can cover for them from afar!

Somas: But…!

Mick: You’re pretty good, huh! Alright, then Captain and I will fight that big one. We’ll leave the surrounding Gathereds to you!

Io: Alright! I understand!

Somas: Io!

Io: Did you forget about my skills!?

Somas: … Of course I didn’t forget… You took three consecutive wins in the World Archery Championships’ Junior Division! Right!

Io: That’s right! Having me go against those weak ones is way too easy!

Somas: … I understand. But don’t push yourself too hard!

Io: That’s my line. Leave this place to us, you guys quickly go ahead!

Tamathony: Why is he giving instructions.

Somas: Io is the student council president! So cool, right!

Tamathony: Then, Captain~! We’ll go on ahead~ Mick, don’t die~

Mick: I’m not gonna die!

Nagistopher: Alright, let’s clean up these guys.

<ROAR>

<BAM BAM BAM>

Nagistopher: Your opponent is here.

Mick: I’m already gearing up…!

---

Stage 1  |  Stage 2  |  STAGE 3  |  Stage 4  |  Stage 5

---

Follow me on Twitter for more IDOLiSH7 fangirling! ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡

[bodhirook1138]

The Problems with Aladdin: Orientalism, Casting, and Ramadan

Originally posted on Medium.

Edward Said and Jack G. Shaheen did not do the work they did so that movies like Aladdin would still get made.

I say this as someone who has had a complicated relationship with the 1992 Aladdin animated feature. I loved it when I was a kid. For a long time, it was my favorite Disney cartoon. I remember proudly telling white friends and classmates in third grade that Aladdin was “about my people.” Although nothing is said in the movie about Aladdin’s religion, I read him as Muslim.

When I grew older, I read Jack G. Shaheen’s book, Reel Bad Arabs, which analyzes about 1,000 American films that vilify and stereotype Arabs and Muslims. Among these films is Aladdin, which Shaheen reportedly walked out of. Shaheen spoke out against lyrics in the film’s opening song: “I come from a land from a far-away place/Where they cut off your ear if they don’t like your face/It’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home.” Although he convinced Disney to remove the lyrics for the home video release, the final verse was still there: “It’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home.” As a 1993 op-ed in The New York Timeswrote, “It’s Racist, But Hey, It’s Disney.”

In Edward Said’s seminal book, Orientalism (1978), he described orientalism as a process in which the West constructs Eastern societies as exotic, backwards, and inferior. According to Said, orientalism’s otherization of Arabs, Muslims, and Islam provided justification for European colonialism and Western intervention in the Middle East and Muslim-majority countries, often under the pretext of rescuing the people — especially Muslim women — from themselves. In addition to orientalism’s practices of constructing the “Orient” as the West’s “Other,” Said asserted that another major facet of orientalism involves a “western style for dominating, restructuring, and having authority over the ‘Orient.’” In other words, it is not the Arab or Muslim who gets to define themselves, but rather the West does.

There are plenty of excellent and detailed critiques out there about how the original Aladdin is filled with racist, sexist, and orientalist tropes, so there’s very little, if anything, to say that already hasn’t been said. In her extensive report, “Haqq and Hollywood: Illuminating 100 Years of Muslim Tropes And How to Transform Them,” Dr. Maytha Alhassen argues that Hollywood’s legacy of depicting Arabs and Muslims as offensive caricatures is continued in Aladdin, where the main characters like Aladdin and Jasmine are “whitewashed, with anglicized versions of Arabic names and Western European (though brown-skinned) facial features” and speak with white American accents. Alhassen notes the contrast with the “villains, Jafar, and the palace guards” who are depicted as “darker, swarthy, with undereye circles, hooked noses, black beards, and pronounced Arabic and British accents.” In another article, “The Problem with ‘Aladdin,’” Aditi Natasha Kini asserts that Aladdin is “a misogynist, xenophobic white fantasy,” in which Jasmine is sexualized and subjected to tropes of “white feminism as written by white dudes.” Not only does Jasmine have limited agency in the film, Kini writes, but her role in the film is “entirely dependent on the men around her.”

When Disney announced plans to produce a live-action remake of Aladdin, I learned through conversations that the Aladdin story is not even in the original text for Alf Layla wa Layla, or One Thousand and One Nights. It was later added by an 18th century French translator, Antoine Galland, who heard the story from a Syrian Maronite storyteller, Hanna Diyab. Galland did not even give credit to Diyab in his translation. Beyond the counter-argument that “the original Aladdin took place in China,” I am left wondering, how much of the original tale do we really know? How much did Galland change? It’s possible that Galland changed the story so significantly that everything we know about Aladdin is mostly a western, orientalist fabrication. For a more detailed account about the origins of the Aladdin tale, I recommend reading Arafat A. Razzaque’s article, “Who ‘wrote’ Aladdin? The Forgotten Syrian Storyteller.”

Disney has been boasting about how the live-action Aladdin is one of the “most diverse” movies in Hollywood, but this is an attempt to hide the fact that the casting of this film relied on racist logic: “All brown people are the same.” It’s great that an Egyptian-Canadian actor, Mena Massoud, was cast in the lead role, but there’s inconsistency elsewhere: Jasmine is played by British actress Naomi Scott, who is half Indian and half white; Jafar is played by Dutch-Tunisian actor Marwan Kenzari; and Jasmine’s father and a new character, Dalia, are played by Iranian-American actors Navid Negahban and Nasim Pedrad, respectively. The casting demonstrates that the filmmakers don’t know the differences between Arabs, Iranians, and South Asians. We are all conflated as “one and the same,” as usual.

Then there’s the casting of Will Smith as the genie. Whether deliberate or not, reinforced here is the Magical Negro trope. According to blogger Modern Hermeneut, this term was popularized by Spike Lee in 2011 and refers to “a spiritually attuned black character who is eager to help fulfill the destiny of a white protagonist.” Moreover, the author writes that Lee saw the Magical Negro as “a cleaned up version of the ‘happy slave’ stereotype, with black actors cast as simpleminded angels and saints.” Examples of the Magical Negro can be found in films like What Dreams May Come, City of Angels, Kazaam (which also features a Black genie), The Green Mile, The Adjustment Bureau, and The Legend of Bagger Vance. In the case of Aladdin, the genie’s purpose is to serve the protagonist’s dreams and ambitions. While Aladdin is Arab, not white, the racial dynamic is still problematic as the Magical Negro trope can be perpetuated by non-Black people of color as well.

I need to pause for a moment to explain that I don’t believe an Aladdin movie should only consist of Arab actors. Yes, Agrabah is a fictional Arab country, but it would be perfectly fine to have non-Arabs like Iranians, South Asians, and Africans in the movie as well. That’s not the issue I have with the casting, and this is not about identity politics. My problem is that the filmmakers saw Middle Eastern and South Asian people as interchangeable rather than setting out to explore complex racial, ethnic, and power dynamics that would arise from having ethnically diverse characters existing within an Arab-majority society. Evelyn Alsultany, an Associate Professor who was consulted for the film, states in her post that one of the ways Disney tried to justify casting a non-Arab actress for Jasmine was by mentioning that her mother was born “in another land.” However, this seems to have been Disney doing damage control after they received some backlash about Jasmine’s casting. The result is convenient erasure of an Arab woman character. Moreover, the change in Jasmine’s ethnicity does little, if anything, to reduce the film’s problematic amalgamation of Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures. Alsultany writes that “audiences today will be as hard pressed as those in 1992 — or 1922, for that matter — to identify any distinct Middle Eastern cultures beyond that of an overgeneralized ‘East,’” where “belly dancing and Bollywood dancing, turbans and keffiyehs, Iranian and Arab accents all appear in the film interchangeably.”

Other examples of how the film conflates various Middle Eastern and South Asian cultures is highlighted in Roxana Hadadi’s review: “Terms like ‘Sultan’ and ‘Vizier’ can be traced to the Ottoman Empire, but the movie also uses the term ‘Shah,’ which is Iranian monarchy.” Referring to the dance scenes and clothing, she writes they are “mostly influenced by Indian designs and Bollywood styles” while “the military armor looks like leftovers from Ridley Scott’s Kingdom of Heaven.” An intersectional approach to the diverse ethnic communities represented in the film would have made for a more nuanced narrative, but this would have required a better director.

Speaking of the director, it is amazing that, of all people, Disney hired Guy Ritchie. Because if there is any director out there who understands the importance of representation and knows how to author a nuanced narrative about Middle Eastern characters living in a fictitious Arab country, it’s… Guy Ritchie? Despite all of the issues regarding the origin of the Aladdin story, I still believed the narrative could have been reclaimed in a really empowering way, but that could not happen with someone like Guy Ritchie. It’s textbook orientalism to have a white man control the narrative. I would have preferred socially and politically conscious Middle Eastern and Muslim writers/directors to make this narrative their own. Instead, we are left with an orientalist fantasy that looks like an exoticized fusion of how a white man perceives South Asia and the Middle East.

Lastly, I have to comment on how this movie was released during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan. In fact, the film’s release date, May 24th, was just one day before the last ten days of Ramadan, which are considered to be the most important in the month. During Ramadan, Muslims around the world fast — if they are able to — from dawn to sunset every day for 30 days. The time when we break our fast, iftar, typically involves dinner and prayer with family, friends, and/or the community. But Ramadan is more than just about fasting, it’s a time of self-reflection, compassion, and strengthening our connection with Allah, our loved ones, and community. I don’t believe Disney released Aladdin during Ramadan intentionally. If anything, I think the film’s release date is reflective of how clueless and ignorant Disney is. It’s so ridiculous that it’s laughable.

I don’t want to give the impression that Muslims don’t go out to the movies during Ramadan. Of course there are Muslims who do. I just know a lot who don’t— some for religious reasons and some, like myself, for no other reason than simply not having enough time between iftar and the pre-dawn meal, sehri (I mean, I could go during the day, but who wants to watch a movie hungry, right?). Even Islamophobic Bollywood knows to release blockbuster movies on Eid, not towards the end of Ramadan.

But this isn’t about judging Muslim religiosity during the holy month. No one is “less” of a Muslim if they are going to the movie theater or anywhere else on Ramadan. My point is that Disney has not shown any consideration for the Muslim community with this movie. They did not even consider how releasing the film during Ramadan would isolate some of the Muslim audience. It’s clear that Disney did not make efforts to engage the Muslim community. Of course, there is nothing surprising about this. But you cannot brag about diversity when you’re not even engaging a group of people that represents the majority of the population you claim to be celebrating! In response to Shaheen’s critiques of the original Aladdin cartoon, a Disney distribution president at the time said Aladdin is “not just for Arabs, but for everybody.” But this is a typical dismissive tactic used to gloss over the real issues. No doubt Disney will follow the same script when people criticize the latest film.

I don’t have any interest in this movie because it failed to learn anything from the criticism it received back in 1992. The fact that a 1993 op-ed piece titled, “It’s Racist, But Hey, It’s Disney” is still relevant to the live-action version of a film that came out 27 years ago is both upsetting and sad at the same time. As I said earlier, Edward Said and Jack Shaheen did not exhaustively speak out against orientalism, exoticism, and vilification to only see them reproduced over and over again. Of course Disney refused to educate themselves and listen to people like Shaheen— their Aladdin story was never meant for us.

[khadij-al-kubra]

Recuérdame

Pairing: Prinxiety

Warning: Some swearing, near-panic attack, implied hanky-panky

Word Count: 3733

Summary: Virgil and Roman have been in a steady relationship for two years. It’s been some of the happiest times in Virgil’s life, but with Roman flying off to college all the way in New York soon, he is worried if they’re love will survive the long distance. So Roman reassures him in the best way he knows how.

Author’s Note: Okay, so I’ve wanted to write a Prinxiety piece for a while and finally got a good idea for one after @altruistic-skittles and @queer-human-being talked about Roman speaking in Spanish. Despite being half Nicaraguan myself, I am sadly not that fluent in Spanish. So to all of my fellow Latino readers/bloggers I hope I got the translation accurate and do you proud. I hope you enjoy this one-shot fluff. 

As always leave a comment if you have any feedback or constructive critiques on the writing. I am always looking to improve.

AO3

This was definitely Virgil’s favorite thing to do with his boyfriend (well, his favorite PG thing anyways). Just lying on the couch together in their PJs, eating snacks, and staying up late watching Disney movies. Tonight’s selection was one of their favorites, Lilo and Stitch. Roman, being the lovable cheese-ball that he was, wore his Stitch t-shirt and red sweatpants. Virgil of course was in his favorite purple flannel pants and Jack Skellington shirt. He snuggled back into Roman’s chest, soaking in the warmth his boyfriend radiated.

Enjoy it while it lasts Virgil. You won’t get to do this for a long time. No more cuddling on the couch, no more sarcastic teasing, no intimate nights in bed, no tender moments...

Since his parents were out of town Virgil had the house to himself (yeah, his Dad and Ren were actually pretty cool), so he’d invited Roman to spend the weekend together. It was the last week of summer break before college started and Virgil was dreading the end of it. By tomorrow afternoon Roman would be on a plane to New York for his orientation week. Roman would be going to acting school there and Virgil would stay behind in Florida attending community college.

He knew it was the right thing. Going to college out of state would’ve been too much for his anxiety and Roman was meant for more. He had such big goals, so many dreams to follow. The guy had gotten offered a full ride scholarship to the NYU TISH School of Performing Arts for crying out loud! Not only would Roman have been an idiot to turn it down, but Virgil would be a pretty crappy boyfriend if he let him.

He and Roman agreed that they were going to give the long distance thing a try. Their best friends had both come up with a list of ways to help too. Logan made a Skype schedule for them to follow that wouldn’t be too hard on their sleep habits (not that Virgil got much sleep anyways with his insomnia) but also gave them time to themselves. And Patton had suggested they go old school and write letters to each other weekly because it was ‘more intimate’ than just plain old texts, and it prevented the pitfall of excessive communication. They also found the cheapest prices and dates for flights between Florida and New York so they could take turns visiting during breaks. Virgil was touched by the effort, but he still couldn’t shake the fears that clouded his mind. He was more than willing to make it work and knew that Roman was too…

…But what if they grew apart despite their efforts to stay together? What if Roman got too busy with school and theater for Virgil? What if the long distance proved to be too much for them to handle, especially Virgil. What if Roman met someone more interesting and cheated on him? No! Roman never was and never would be the cheating type. But then what if Roman wanted to be with someone else but still stayed with Virgil and grew to resent him for it? What if they forget how much they care for each other? How were they supposed to remember if they wouldn’t see each other everyday, couldn’t hug or kiss or—

“Virgil darling, breathe!” said Roman.

The negative thoughts had snuck up on him so quickly. He only now realized how small his lungs felt. Oh great, his stupid anxiety was going to ruin their last night together! Suddenly Roman’s face was in front of him, the edges bleary. He heard Roman telling him to copy his breathing. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. In for 4, hold for 7, out for 8… Pretty soon he could feel his lungs again, see more clearly. After dating for so long Roman knew how to bring Virgil back from the brink. He swallowed down a big gulp of air.

“Feeling better?” Roman asked as he stroked his hair soothingly.

“Yeah…thanks Ro,” said Virgil. “That would’ve been a bad one.”

“Do you need a glass of water or something?”

“Nah…I’m okay now. Let’s just…get back to the movie.”

“Oh no you don’t. We’re going to talk about this first.” Roman picked up the remote and put the film on pause.

“I’m fine Roman. Seriously. Let. It. Go.”

“No, I am not going to ‘Let it Go’ ice queen,” Roman crossed his arms. “You nearly had a panic attack just now and I doubt it was from Lilo getting kidnapped by Captain Gantu. Something’s been on your mind all night, don’t think I haven’t noticed. So please Virge, talk to me. What’s troubling you?”

“You’re not gonna let this go, are you?”

“Do I ever?”

Virgil sighed. He just wanted to have one last perfect night with his love. But Roman was right. Talking it out did help sometimes, and since this had to do with their relationship, Roman deserved to know.

“It’s just…I’ve been thinking about…how this is gonna be the last night we’ll be together for a long while. And how—I mean—this is—we’re—argh!”

“You’re still worried about us being long distance.”

“More like scared shitless but yeah.”

“I understand, and that’s okay. Know why? Because we are going to stay together. Yes, this is a big change but it’s one that we can control. We’ll call and Skype and even try Patton’s idea of writing letters. Long distance relationships are hard but not impossible if true love is on its side.” Virgil rolled his eyes but Roman the romantic was undeterred. “Just look at my parents. Mom was all the way in San Francisco while Ma was over here, and look at them now. They made it work and so can we!”

“Until you find someone better than me.”

Shoot! Virgil hadn’t meant for that to slip out. But it was out there now. Ah geez, Roman must hate him for sure. Virgil couldn’t look him in the eye, didn’t deserve to.

“Virgil Burke, look at me,” Roman said, tilting Virgil’s chin up. “What do you see?”

“A big idiot?” asked Virgil teasingly.

“Your boyfriend.”

“Same thing.”

“And I think it’s fair to say that I, your boyfriend, am quite the catch, right? After all I’m talented, charming, handsome, popular, and it’s no secret that I caught many an eye back in high school. Frankly I could probably have any man I wanted—

“Get to the point Princy, ‘cuz so far this ain’t cheering me up!”

“My point is…I could easily be with someone else, but I’m not because you’re the only man I ever want to be with. My heart belongs to you.” To emphasis this, Roman took Virgil’s hand and held it over his heart. “I am yours and you are mine. Nothing and no one will ever change that. I won’t let it! And I know that you won’t either Virgil because you protect the things you love, including us. Remember that! Alright?”

As much as his anxiety kept telling him otherwise, he knew Roman was right. They’d already lasted longer as a couple than Virgil ever dared to hope they would. If they’ve come this far together, then maybe they could get through this next chapter as well. He looked up at Roman’s warm smiling face, saw the tenderness in his eyes, and somehow it was enough to mitigate the fears, at least a little bit.

“Alright,” said Virgil, hugging him around the waist. “Thanks babe.”

“Any time, my dark and stormy knight.” Roman hugged him back. “In fact…this is a perfect segue. Be right back!”

Roman let him go and practically leaped off the couch as he rushed into Virgil’s room down the hall. What the heck was that drama king up to? Still, Virgil couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. He was gonna miss his boyfriend’s spontaneity. He heard Roman exclaim aha from the other room and then he was back, carrying Virgil’s black acoustic guitar.

“I have a surprise for you. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while,” said Roman, sitting back down and positioning the guitar properly.

“Since when do you know how to play guitar?” he asked.

“Well, technically, I only know how to play one song. I’ve been teaching myself for the past month. Seriously, how do you deal with the blisters? My fingers have never hurt so much in my life!”

“Years of building up callouses Princy, no pain no gain.” In all seriousness though, Virgil was impressed. Not many people could learn a new instrument in a month.

“Yes, well, I wanted to give you something special. To show you how much…how much I love you, and that no amount of distance is going to change or make me forget that.”

No way. He was seriously about to be serenaded by Roman friggin’ Soldato?Virgil hadn’t even heard him play yet and already he was moved by the gesture.

“So. Ready to be wooed edge-lord?” Roman asked, wiggling his brows.

“Eh, I guess.” Virgil smirked at Roman’s offended scoff. “Kidding. Go ’head. Play that funky music white boy,”

Roman raised an eyebrow. “You know I’m half Puerto Rican, right?”

“Really? Huh.” That was news to him. Although it did explain how he knew Spanish. “What’s the other half?”

“Italian,” said Roman, adjusting the guitar clamp and testing the strings.

“Cool.” Even after two years together, Virgil was still learning new things about his boyfriend.  Roman never ceased to amaze him.

“Out of curiosity, what are you?”

“An abomination,” he said, referencing the movie they were watching.

“True, but you’re my abomination.” They both laughed.

“Alright, hit it…mi amor.”

He smiled shyly at his boyfriend, trying to hide the heat that showed so obviously on his pale face. Virgil was happy to see that Roman’s olive toned cheeks were a shade or two redder as well. It was nice when he got to make the flamboyant boy flustered once in a while. Roman smiled back at him so warmly and began to play. The intro was familiar to Virgil. It was the main song from Coco. They had just watched it together for the first time last month. Roman had been reduced to a blubbering mess. Virgil on the other hand…okay he’d cried too, but come on. You’d have to be totally heartless not to.

And then, Roman sang.

“Remember me

Though I have to say goodbye

Remember me

Don’t let it make you cry

For even if I’m far away I hold you in my heart

I sing a secret song to you each night we are apart”

He couldn’t help the sigh that slipped from his lips. Virgil really did love Roman’s singing voice. It was just so…lovely. It could belt out powerhouse notes like a thunderstorm, but also be as soothing as whispering wind through summer leaves. Whenever Virgil had a particularly bad panic attack, Roman gently sang to him afterwards, all while stroking his hair and holding him in those strong protective arms. It was one of Virgil’s favorite things.

“Recuérdame

Aunque tenga que emigrar”

Virgil smirked. “Show off.”

“You know you love it. Recuérdame

Si mi guitarra oyes llorar

Ella con su triste canto te acompañará

Hasta que en mis brazos tú estés

Recuérdame”

Yeah, he did love it. And Roman. So much it choked him up sometimes, how much he could feel for just one person. And to have that same amazing man who should’ve been way out of his league not only feel the same but now show it by serenading him in Spanish…Virgil would never figure out how he got so lucky. And he didn’t care. For once, Virgil wanted to just enjoy something without letting his anxiety spoil it.

In typical Roman fashion, he added a little improve guitar flare in the break. He hit a couple of sour notes, but played through it with a sheepish grin (too adorable) and went into the next part, getting more of a groove into it.

“Que nuestra canción no deje de latir

Solo con tu amor yo puedo existir

Que nuestra canción no deje de latir

Solo con tu amor yo puedo existir

Recuérdame”

Virgil didn’t recognize this part from the film. Leave it to Roman to learn the full version of a Disney song, and in Spanish no less. Was there anything he couldn’t do?

“Si en tu mente vivo estoy

Recuérdame

Mis sueños yo te doy

Te llevo en mi corazón y te acompañaré

Unidos en nuestra canción

Contigo ahí estaré

Recuérdame”

Virgil didn’t know too much Spanish but he was able to understand a few of the words. It was something about Roman’s mind and heart. Like, he would carry Virgil with him wherever he’d go, even as far away as New York.

“Si sola crees estar

Recuérdame

Y mi cantar te irá a abrazaru

Aun en la distancia nunca vayas a olvidar

Que yo contigo siempre voy

Recuérdame”

Virgil felt Roman’s love for him pouring out of each note and guitar string, tugging at his own heartstrings. Felt Roman reassuring him through the song that they would always be in each other’s hearts. No amount of distance could change the bond they had. After all they’d been through, their love was too strong.

“If you close your eyes and let the music play

Keep our love alive, I’ll never fade away

Cierra tus ojos y que la musica fluya

Deja que el amor viva, nunca me desmayaré

If you close your eyes and let the music play

Keep our love alive, I’ll NE-VER fade awaaaay!”

That last belt felt as if Roman had basically ripped his own heart out and shoved it into Virgil’s hands. Any doubts and fears he’d had about keeping their relationship alive long distance ended right there. Virgil swallowed the lump in his throat, yet the tears streamed silently down his cheeks. He noticed that Roman’s eyes were getting watery too. Yet ever the performer he held through as he came to the last verse, slowing the melody back down to a lullaby.

“Remember me

For I will soon be gone

Remember me

And let the love we have live on

So know that I’m with you the only way that I can be

Until you’re in my arms agaaain

Reee-mem-berrr…me.”

The guitar fell gracelessly from Romans hands onto the ground with a clank, but Virgil couldn’t give a damn. He immediately wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, holding tight as Roman sobbed into his shoulder. Little known fact: the popular princely actor was an ugly crier. Full on water works, puffy face, and runny nose. Virgil was one of the few people Roman let himself cry in front of and Virgil took that honor seriously. He rubbed soothing circles on Roman’s back, rocking him as the normally steady boy soaked his sleeve in tears and snot.

It took a minute or two for Roman to calm down. He squeezed Virgil’s arm to let him know he was better now. Virgil let him sit back up but used his thumb to wipe away the last few tears.

“I’m sorry,” said Roman with a sniffle. “I didn’t mean to r-ruin the song—or d-drop your guitar—it’s just—

“Shhh. It’s okay. Forget about that.”

“No, it’s not okay. I wanted this to be perfect! I just,“ Roman let out a shuddered breath. “I know we’ll be okay. I know in my gut that you and I are meant to have a happily ever after, but I’m still…so scared! Not just about us but everything! This is all so BIG, and as excited as I am about this new adventure I’m still terrified because what if I’m not good enough? What if I’m out-done by all the other amazing performers at that school? I mean for the love of Hamilton, this is NEW YORK for crying out loud! What if I can’t handle the pressure? And I won’t have you there to lean on or reassure me or tell me straight to my face when I’m being ridiculous or laugh with me about the stupid drama and silliness going on and I-I’m just going to MISS you so—

Virgil cut off his babbling boyfriend with a desperate kiss, pouring all the love and pride he felt for Roman into it. He felt the other boy practically melt into him, matching his kiss with equal fervency. When they pulled back Virgil cupped his face and looked Roman dead into those gorgeous hazel eyes he loved so much.

“You’re amazing. You’re strong. You’re gonna blow them all away, so don’t you dare for a second doubt that! I loved the song Roman, and I love you.”

Roman gave a shuddered smiled and leaned into Virgil’s hand, covering it with his own. “I love you too Virgil. So, so much!”

Virgil smiled at his words. Then he leaned forward to pepper Roman’s face with gentle kisses. One on each eyelid, then on each cheek, one on his forehead, and finally another kiss on the lips; He loved how soft those lips were. Roman leaned in to deepen the kiss. The passion of it sent shivers down Virgil’s spine, and when they broke away both were left breathless. Roman pulled him close and just held him.

No place in the world felt safer or more like home than in Roman’s arms. Virgil rested his head on Roman’s broad chest, heard his heartbeat. Ordinarily he found it relaxing but tonight, knowing that Roman would be on a plane flying far away from him tomorrow, it set his blood aflame. He mourned the loss of warmth as Roman released him to pick back up the guitar and lean it gently against the wall.

“So,” said Roman, picking back up the remote, “shall we finish the movie?”

Virgil took the remote control from his hand and turned the TV off completely. He tossed it onto the coffee table, stood up and grabbed Roman’s hand.

“Forget the movie,” he said. “I’ve got a better idea.”

If this was going to be their last night alone together for a while, then Virgil wanted them to spend it wrapped in each other’s arms. Roman seemed to get the message as he let himself be tugged behind by Virgil towards the bedroom.

“Ooh, I like this idea,” Roman said with a devilishly handsome grin.

“Princy, I’m about to give you a night you’re gonna remember for a looog time.”

* * * * *

Virgil stifled a yawn. He was exhausted from the night before, but it had been worth it. Except now there was no delaying the inevitable. Logan and Patton had come early in the morning to say goodbye as well. Logan was his usual stoic self, but Virgil swore he saw a tear in the corner of his eye behind those glasses as he clasped Roman’s hand. As expected Patton was a bawling mess, and Logan practically had to pry his boyfriend off of Roman. At least Virgil still had them. They could all miss Roman together.

They were in the back seat of the SUV (his moms had let Virgil come along) driving to the airport. All of the actor’s bags were in the trunk and Roman’s Ma was singing along to an old Santana song while his Mom drove. Neither of the to-be college boys had spoken the entire ride. There was nothing to be said that hadn’t already been expressed last night. Virgil just savored the sensation of them holding hands, their fingers laced and his head resting in the crook of his boyfriend’s shoulder. Roman gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he smiled.

They got to the airport with the usual insanity and traffic. When they got to just outside of the security check, the farthest they could go without a ticket, the Soldato family said their goodbyes. Roman was sniffling just as much as his Mom, while his Ma practically squeezed the life out her son with one of her famous pick-up-off-the-ground-bear hugs (Virgil’s ribs had suffered it once or twice before). Afterwards they gave Virgil and Roman some privacy to say their own goodbyes.

“Well…this is it,” said Roman, gripping his suitcase handle. “Into the unknown.”

“Yeah,” said Virgil, tugging at the sleeve of his patchwork hoodie. “Call me as soon as you land, alright?”

“I will.”

“And make sure you check your dorm for bed bugs. It is New York after all.”

“Ew, but I shall.”

“And I know it’s like a right of passage or whatever but don’t go eating from the hot dog carts. You don’t know what kind of toxic crap they make ‘em with.”

“Well now you sound like Logan.”

“How dare you,” he deadpanned. “Seriously though Ro. Take care of yourself.

“I will. And you too Virge,” Roman smiled. “Don’t go skipping meals while I’m not there to remind you to eat.”

“Now you sound like Patton.”

They both laughed. God he loved Roman’s laugh, so warm and full of life. It won’t be the last time you hear it, he told himself. You’ll be together again soon and talk even sooner than that. They gave each other one last hug, holding onto each other for dear life. Then Roman leaned down to kiss him and Virgil kissed back with all the love he felt. They broke apart, foreheads touching, and just stayed that way for a while.

“Recuérdame Roman,” Virgil whispered.

“Para siempre mi corazón,” Roman whispered back.

Finally they let go. Roman did still have a flight to catch. He grabbed his suitcase and trudged to the security line, turning to blow one final kiss at Virgil. He waved back, smiling at his beloved boyfriend before turning to go. It took everything he had not to turn around and run back to Roman, but he had to, for both of their sakes.

Yes, it would be hard being apart, but they’d be okay. They would make it work and their relationship would stay just as strong, if not grow stronger. No matter how much Virgil’s stupid anxiety tried to tell him otherwise, no matter how far away or busy Roman might be for a little while, no matter the fears, nothing could make them forget how much they loved each other.

[beardyallen]

Well, that went quickly...

What day is it? I’m starting to lose track of how long I’ve been here...

Well, it’s been a week since my last post, and it seems that a lot must have happened, but honestly I feel like I’ve just been cranking through a bunch of comic books.

But I do know that Friday and Saturday involved a good deal excitement, so I guess we had might as well pick up pretty much where we left off!

Last Friday was Orientation for ICB, which meant getting all of the 35-40 instructors, 10 staff members, and the 6-8 people in charge of this program together in a room to introduce us to...basically what we’d been doing all that week. Also, aside from a couple study-abroad-undergrads and my officemate and me, everyone there had probably already heard the spiel.

It was scheduled from 5p-6p with a buffett afterwards, but a bunch of the Communications people from my floor were going out to eat (again?) afterwards, so I made plans with NR. She wanted to try this Mexican restaurant in what I’ll describe as the “international district” of Beijing. Most everything around us when we got there looked like it belonged in literally every metropolitan area in the world. Every major brand you can imagine had a store. Multiple. Too many...

But the Mexican restaurant we visited is owned and managed by a Mexican expat, apparently. He even stopped by our table to ask how the food was, and let me tell you: that quesadilla was the BOMB!!! And the margarita was pretty good (not as good as MHO’C’s, though!). By the time we finished up dinner, it was kind of late, so we wondered around the shopping center, found a bookstore. You know: the usual.

Fun fact: when a store or restaurant wants to indicate to their patrons that they are getting ready to close, they play smooth jazz and turn the lights down. Like for real. Had their not been windows open to the pavilion outside with it’s hundreds of light displays, I would have been seriously concerned when the lights in the place just went out and Kenny G popped up on the speakers.

We entertained the idea of finding the cinema nearby to see Alita Battle Angel, but during the 15 minutes that we spent wondering around in search of the complex, it seemed to elude us. Plus it was getting close to that time when the subway shuts down, and I wasn’t exactly hankering for a taxi ride this early in my stay....if at all.

The next morning, I got up early to meet back up with NR at the National Museum near the Forbidden City. Now, for the most part, the stairs I get don’t bother me. But I will say, if you’re going to stair at the pasty white guy with a hard-to-describe-its-color-accurately-beard, maybe don’t do it when you’re going 15 mph on a bike, facing in the wrong direction! *sigh.....Some people’s kids...

But what really bothered me, especially at the time, was the father-of-three who straight-up filmed me on his phone from 5 feet away for a solid 6 minutes, three hallways, and two escalators! I get it, I’m funny looking. But I really think I a picture would have done just fine...

One of the things that bothered me the most about that experience was that (a) he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, (b) his daughters seemed rather embarrassed, (c) he filmed me with the screen aimed at me so I could watch myself on his phone, (d) there was text on the screen, and (e) it went on for a solid 6 minutes.

In hindsight, I was wearing sunglasses and a hat, in a subway system, in the morning, heading to the center of Beijing. Maybe he thought I was a celebrity? I had spoken to a Communications graduate student the other day who happens to be black, and he told me the story of how a citizen here pull out their phone with a picture of Samuel L. Jackson on it, and gestured to him as it to ask if it were him...even though SLJ is for sure at 70 years old and this kid is no more than 35. And he looks 25. #smh

Anyway, after dealing with whatever the hell that was, I got to visit the museum! They, for whatever reason, were not allowing people to bring their charging blocks into the museum (external battery that you can use to charge your cell phone and other devices on-the-go), but more surprising to me was just how many people carried one with them! At least, it was surprising until I took a moment to think about it. As I’ve mentioned before, basically every payment made in Beijing is through WeChat, which needs internet access, so I guess it shouldn’t be too surprising. You also really can’t navigate through the city with some sort of Maps app; there are just too many bus routes, train routes, terminals and stops to keep logged in your head.

As far as the museum itself goes, the gifts to China from foreign governments exhibit and the Ancient China exhibit themselves took most of the day. Also, no surprise: the gift that took up the most floor space was given by a U.S. President. I also got a refresher in 8th Grade Social Studies. Too many small countries to remember all of them, and that space made me feel somewhat moronic.

The Ancient China exhibit was exceptional, though. They broke up the last, oh...750,000 years of human-ish life in China into 8-10 separate eras, the first few cataloguing the life and evolution of Homo erectus pekinensis into Homo sapien, while the latter eras were segregated dynastically. I’ve never seen the progression of human evolution laid out in such detail! The rock tools became better rock tools, then pottery and paper, stamps, buildings and so much more! There were even ceremonial helmets that would put the Juggernaut to shame!

It was strange, though, to have all of this knowledge just beyond my fingertips both literally and figuratively. The literal sense isn’t too shocking, as I’ve been to a museum before and know not to touch the pieces, but to have placards written in a language that would take years to learn was frustrating. Fortunately, NR has a never-ending supply of patience, and she translated much of the text. She even quizzed me on several of the characters. I’ve worked out how to write “rock” for sure.

After the museum, we wondered over to a nearby mall that, honestly, puts the Mall of America to shame. No joke. This place was huge! It just kept going and going and going! There was a particular alley that has all of the “exotic foods” that you might see on The Amazing Race, which I haven’t tried yet but intend to, but the rest is mostly-outdoor shopping center. Our reason for being there was to find food (we had been in the museum for a bit over 7 hours), and then sit our fine asses down in a movie theater to watch Alita.

We found a restaurant that served food traditionally found where NR grew up. It was exceptional. And the beer just made it better. :P

The movie experience was something else entirely. I’ve gotten used to watching television and movies with subtitles so that, when people decide to talk to me, I can follow along with both bits. Or if people are just talking near me while I’m watching television, I don’t have to rewind the show. That helped a lot; the movie was still spoken in English, but there were Chinese subtitles. I recognized the Chinese character for “1″ frequently enough, but that was about it.

The movie itself was way more than I expected. I shouldn’t be surprised, given that one of the primary characters is played by Christoph Waltz. If you haven’t seen it yet, you should definitely consider it.

Also, additional fun fact: I’m thinking that most (if not all) showings of major motion pictures here are in 3D. *shrug* Side note: we’re going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow and I’M SO FREAKIN’ EXCITED!!!!

After the movie, we wandered back to the subway station and parted ways mid-subway-ride to head home. The next day I spent playing Kingdom Hearts 3 and sipping some beer in the 3rd Floor Lounge. All day. It was blissful.

This workweek has consisted of four main things: teaching responsibilities, a bit of dissertation work, trying out another one of the cafeterias on campus, and reading comic books. Oh, and beer. But that kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it? There’s a convenience store on the other side of the building in front of the Guest House that has cans of beer. You can buy them individual for 3 yuan, or roughly 45 cents. I won’t lie to you: I bought 12 of them and it didn’t cost me more than 6 bucks. And it’s really not bad, and even more convenient than the liquor store I lived by in Denver.

Anyway, as I said, I’m going to see Captain Marvel tomorrow, then to “W-Town” (originally Watertown...so glad they shortened it...) in northern Beijing, which sits at the base of part of the Great Wall. More than 20 people from ICB will be heading up to their on Saturday, so I imagine one of them will take pictures. Probably ML or S. So you’ll have those to look forward to since you know I won’t be taking any!

Oh!!! I almost forgot the biggest thing that happened this week! Actually, it might be the biggest news of my entire stay!!!

I did laundry.

And I washed my slippers. I’m not convinced that they’ve stopped smelling, but I’m holding out hope that I’ve finally figured out how to resolve an issue that I know humanity has been seriously struggling with for decades. I’m on the verge of a breakthrough, people, I swear!

Anyway, time to finish this beer, read a bit more of Scott Lynch’s Republic of Thieves (WE FINALLY FIND OUT ABOUT SABETHA!!!!), and head to bed. Big couple of days ahead...

Sláinte,

BeardyAllen

P.S. I bet you thought I was gonna forget! After class on Wednesday, I worked out how to make a phone call from here to the States to wish my Mom a Happy BIrthday. Caught her at work, and we got to chat for a good long while. It really put a nice cap on my evening, and it seemed it gave her a good start to her day. Anyway, I hope you had a great evening, found something nice at C&B and enjoyed that glass of wine you mentioned! Love you!!

[alikssepia]

Childhood—Adolescence—Youth

This is a translation of my meta “Детство - Отрочество - Юность” originally written in Russian. @saturninefeline helped smooth my English style, for which I am very grateful to her.

Below, you will see text and pictures which are better perceived via tables, and this meta was written with tables in mind. I’m afraid much of its clarity will be lost due to the need to remove the tables for the publication on Tumblr. I encourage you to check the very same meta published on AO3 with all its tables. I promise, it’s worth clicking the external link.

If the middle part of the trilogy is Adolescence, then TFA is Childhood, and the forthcoming EpIX will be Youth. The sequel trilogy, through the eyes of a Reylo, is a story of three encounters of Kylo and Rey whose appearance and behaviour refer to three different psychological ages. 

On December 14, 2017, my Reylo friends and I left the cinema theater with and without a present. We wanted to scream "It's canon!" but our throats wouldn't make a sound.

Reylos after the movie

What was it? It was as if we’d gotten everything (Force bond, Kylo's naked torso, touching hands, back to back fighting) but, at the same time, our victory seemed hollow: why did their relationship feel so rushed? Why does she slam the door right in his face? Did Reylo become canon and then immediately die?

Rey’s behavior was terribly strange:

After just a couple of Skype calls with Kylo, she quickly leapt to far-fetched conclusions such as 'Ben Solo lives'.

She attacked Luke, her aging master, from behind, even turning оn him with a lightsaber.

She refused to listen to him, jumped into the Falcon and went off to "save Ben Solo".

On the Supremacy, she tried to use her feminine charms — for naught.

Followed Kylo’s lead and fought the Praetorian guards together with him.

After this fight’s romantic overtones, she got disappointed in Kylo and flew away.

Slammed the door of the Falcon, and the door to herself, in Ren’s face.

Kylo did no better:

Secretly chatted with the girl via Skype.

Confused her with his half-naked body.

Touched her (hand).

Handed her over to Snoke at their first "date".

But quickly changed his mind and threw the whole galaxy to her feet.

... while being casually rude.

Having been rejected, he got angry and promised to destroy her.

Is this the love story we all hoped to see оn-screen? Why such haste, when the story could have developed slowly and smoothly?

As an excuse for the galactic idiots (and the idiot scriptwriter who made them that way), I could оnly recall Rian Johnson's point which he constantly repeated in many ways in his interviews: this is a coming-of-age story, Rey and Kylo are “two sides of the same coin” going through the difficult period of adolescence.

Is it really, though? Let’s take a look at the adolescent stage of development.

Typical adolescents:

get a sense of being independent entities from their parents/the adults in their lives

try to assert themselves and their wills against important adults

try to assert themselves among their peers

try out their sexuality

take self-reliant, often defiant steps

make hasty and harsh judgments

argue

feel more keenly

get easily fascinated and easily disappointed

"Adolescent" Kylo and Rey:

2. In the film, Kylo and Rey revolt against and detach from their mentors thus becoming "free from adults". From now оn, it's up to themselves to decide what lives to live.

(see above)

In this context, Hux is Kylo’s peer and competition for leadership. Kylo claims leadership using the Force. He acts as a bully towards Hux.

The hands scene, in the context of this meta, implies metaphorical adolescence of Kylo and Rey — it's the age when mutual interest manifests itself in just holding hands. Rey asks Kylo to cover himself — it's another reminder that, metaphorically, she's an adolescent girl confused by seeing the guy she likes half-naked — whereas, as we all know (wink, wink), she should enjoy it.

Rey disregards Luke's admonitions and undertakes a dangerous endeavour to entice Kylo Ren to her side.

Rey's opinion оf Luke makes a U-turn оnce she hears Ren's version of what had happened between him and Luke.

After Snoke's rebuke, Kylo is outraged and is struck with Force Lightning. The brawl between Rey and Luke is an example of confrontation between an adolescent and an adult when the younger person starts the conflict: aggression, accusations and refusal to listen to the other side.

Having realised Kylo won’t turn for her, Rey is in tears. Having realised that Rey has left him again, Kylo is enraged.

Just a few Skype calls in just a couple of days — and Rey already has an invented idealistic image of Ben Solo and is ready to cross half a galaxy to "save his soul". Daydreams of Prince Charming are quickly dashed. (Compare this to how often girls fall for participants of boys bands.)

Now let's see how the "adults" of this story behave:

Typical adults or adult abusers*:

are overprotective

forbid

* mock at youngsters' first awkward attempts to assert themselves

* use forceful methods to re-establish the previous boundaries of the relationship

* underestimate the physical strength of grown-up youngsters

"Fathers" Snoke and Luke

2. Luke storms into Rey's hut and breaks them up — a typical "busted!" situation.

(see above)

Snoke scoffs at Kylo and calls him immature: "Child in a mask".

Snoke strikes Kylo with Force Lightning in response to his attempt to argue.

Accustomed to being the dominant оne, Snoke is slain by an unexpected strike which he could have prevented if he had recognized the agency/power of Kylo.

In the summer of 2017, when first оn-set photographs emerged оn the internet, fans suddenly saw Rey's breasts. A romantic hairdo completed her fresh image which, it seemed, showed her growing into womanhood. In the light of this analysis, it is hard to escape a different conclusion: breasts develop when a girl is оn the point of puberty. In The Force Awakens, Rey's breasts were markedly flat, her hairdo pointedly childish, form very thin. In TFA, Rey is metaphorically a SMALL GIRL who is growing into adolescence in The Last Jedi.

If the middle part of the trilogy is Adolescence, then TFA is Childhood, and the forthcoming EpIX will be Youth. The sequel trilogy, through the eyes of a Reylo, is a story of three encounters of Kylo and Rey whose appearance and behaviour refer to three different psychological ages. Each age is coded in the actions of the two halves of our protagonist and the way the actors are dressed, carry themselves and play, which we will consider below.

I. CHILDHOOD (The Force Awakens)

II. ADOLESCENCE (The Last Jedi)

III. YOUTH (EpIX — forecast)

Slogan

I. That lightsaber. It belongs to me!

II. I'll destroy her. And you. And all of it.

III. [something balanced and wise]

General impression: Kylo

I. Petulant, sensitive, pretty, wearing "dress", angry, embarrassed, hysterical — Kylo Ren's image in TFA refers to a metaphorical child. In some scenes, it's emphasised by the perspective, by childish facial expression.

II. Obstinate, aggressive, daring, seeking privacy with a girl, irritated — Kylo's manners and facial expressions in TLJ remind us of those of a moody and awkward teenage boy.

III. Focused, consistent, self-assured, contained movements, even voice — in EpIX, we're going to see "the adult Kylo Ren", and outcries about "whiney boy throwing tantrums" and "teenage boy" will stop.

General impression: Rey

I. Naive, trusting, seeking for belonging, afraid of changes, playing dolls, waiting for mom to come back — here again, we have references to Rey's metaphorical childishness in TFA, but it's less noticeable because Rey is ten years younger than Kylo anyway and has been living in such circumstances that impeded her physical growing-up. And still, in some scenes, Daisy Ridley uses exaggerated childish facial expressions. For instance, see her chew:

II. Impulsive, fiery, sexy, touchy, self-reliant — Rey's image in TLJ reminds us that, metaphorically, she's a teenage girl.

III. Quiet, reasonable, seeking for an opportunity to reach understanding and sort things out, facing problems rather than running away, she will learn to accept both strengths and weaknesses of others — the adult Rey's personality will give Kylo Ren's haters no chance to see his future killer in her, even for the sake of the Light.

Appearance, hair style: Kylo

I. His helmet off, Kylo appears in TFA as a well-groomed arrogant boy — an entitled youngster like those that we've known from The Star Child by Oscar Wilde [image] and The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Andersen [image]. Kylo's hair is luxuriously done and, possibly, even curled almost the way it's done оn the childhood portrait of Albert Edward, Prince of Wales (1846) by Franz Xaver Winterhalter.

II. Instead of a fine hairstyle and waves, in TLJ, we have seemingly greasy hair a la Kurt Cobain which is another reference to rebellious teenage years.

III. Kylo Ren may keep a long hairdo in EpIX. His hair will be tidy, styled in an adult way. We might no longer see it wave, at least the way it did in TFA.

Appearance, hair style: Rey

I. Rey's hair is tied in three funny buns in TFA. Her hairstyle's been the same ever since she was five which reminds is that, metaphorically, she's a child.

II. In TLJ, Rey dives into a wet 'hairy' hole and emerges from it with her hair down оn her shoulders. A young girl's hairstyle refers to the symbolic age of puberty. Since Rey 'explored' the hole, she's been keeping her hair down.

III. Rey might have her hair loose in EpIX. Because long hair may be inconvenient for a fighter, she may have a shorter haircut.

Lexical coding

I. In The Force Awakens, they call Kylo 'boy' and 'son'. They say 'girl' about Rey. These words are used where appropriate in the context of the film but, still, they additionally remind us that these characters are kind of 'juniors'.

II. In The Last Jedi, Kylo still has two father figures who call him 'child in a mask' and 'kid'. Snoke calls Rey 'child' too. By the end of the film, both father figures are dead.

III. In EpIX, words 'girl', 'boy', 'son', 'kid' etc won't be used.

Behaviour with important adults

I. Kylo and Rey, lost children, found new important adults after having been left unattended by their parents. A child doesn't dare to disobey, and seeks praise for its obedience. In TFA, when Snoke demanded that Kylo does the inconceivable, Kylo reluctantly obeyed.

II. Kylo gets rid of the Not-Important-Anymore Adult because now, Kylo knows what he needs better than the old fart. In TLJ, his reverence for Vader gives place to radicalism and denial of authority: "Let the past die." Rey realises she can do things by herself, without adults, and undertakes an adventure all by herself.

III. EpIX: Kylo and Rey get accustomed to being adults. Adult way is to respect and use the past experience but set own objectives. Rey takes Jedi texts with her. She's оn her own but she admits she needs the legacy of the past. Kylo may dismiss the idea to destroy the past. It no longer impedes his moving forward.

Critical thinking/ Credulity

I. A child emulates their authority figure. Thus, Kylo worships Vader's mask, copycats him, intends to follow his path and says words he must have learned from Snoke: "The Supreme Leader is wise", "He was weak and foolish like his father." A child doesn't critically assess a given situation. For many years, Rey believed that her parents will come back for her and doesn't even question the chances of it. They may have long been dead, they may have no desire to return.

II. Kylo refuses to acknowledge the wisdom of others, rejects any authority — both lightsiders and darksiders, but his radicality puts off Rey. Rey argues with Luke, easily questions his version of Ben's fall, but her own conclusions aren’t quite right either.

III. Rey and Kylo learn to think critically, don't make hasty conclusions, don't idealise and demonise others.

Kylo and Rey's relative positions

I. Kylo offers Rey to be her teacher, i. e. expects to be a step higher than her.

II. Kylo offers Rey to rule the galaxy together, i. e. to be his peer.

III. Here I can't be certain about the future development:

— Will Kylo be humbled, and will Rey rise? — Will their confrontation end, and will it be no longer relevant whether they are peers or not?

Outcome of Kylo and Rey's fights

I. Rey wins.

II. No оne wins.

III. Here again, there's room for speculation:

— Will Kylo win? — Will there be no fight between Rey and Kylo?

Interaction between Rey and Kylo

I. TFA: Boys are stupid, girls are mean. He was pulling her pigtails — she hit him with her school bag. He started to cry and complained to adults.

II. TLJ: Wow, you can make friends with girls (guys). But it's safer to stay with your own people.

III. EpIX: Boy and girl form a couple. The previous breakup was оne of many stages of getting used to each other. This trope is not something unseen in romantic stories, such as The Two Captains by Russian writer Veniamin Kaverin. Two main heroes of this story, Sanya (Alexander) and Katya (Ekaterina) couldn't quite understand each other and accept each other's flaws when they were teenagers, and break up for 9 years. They meet again in their mid-twenties and irrevocably fall for each other.

The sequel trilogy as a metaphorical coming-of-age story for the main heroes (which are Kylo and Rey, in the eyes of a Reylo) is оne of the possible points of view. If this POV proves correct with the release of EpIX, then we'll get that very Reylo-canon we've been waiting for since TFA: romantic relationship of grown-up Kylo and Rey will get its smooth progress via ups and downs and will be based оn mature acceptance of not оnly merits but also flaws of each other.

[hairringtonsteve]

spoiler alert.

(joe keery x reader)

request: oh oh oh! Joe Keery meets Y/N when being interviewed and she's like the camera woman or something and he invites her out on the town with the rest of the older cast and it's drinks and love, you know! And Y/N ends up at Joe's hotel room

summary: of course you and joe would bond over something as dumb as spoiling movies and tv shows you’ve (mostly) already seen to each other. weirdly enough, it also kind of is a massive turn on for joe. huh.

word count: 4, 532

a/n: so there are a lot of spoilers in here, but none for stranger things (go figure). but here are the movies and shows that are: star wars episode v, star wars episode vii, fight club, the handmaid’s tale, game of thrones, the sixth sense, 30 rock, harry potter and the halfblood prince. 

At least once a month, you post a picture of you wearing an all black outfit on Instagram with the caption let’s play a game called production blacks or emo (or a variation of that incredibly worn out joke). When you’re filming a live event, it’s all black, even down to your shoes. You can’t count the number of times that you’ve thrown on black sneakers, only to notice that they’ve got a white stripe down the sides. Which means running around the venue, trying to find some black duct tape or a black Sharpie to color it in.

In your college classes, you can remember multiple professors drilling it into your brain - people behind the camera should be invisible, to blend in with the background so everyone forgets that you’re there. On sets with scripted content, it’s a different story. But for anything else, you’ve got to be background noise. And you’re fine with that. There’s a kind of comfort that comes with being able to just settle into the background and watch the action go on around you.

Which is why it’s so unnerving when he noticed you.

It’s not that actors haven’t talked to you before, it’s just that there’s some kind of unspoken code with most of them. They’re polite, but distant. You’re just running the camera, a person that’s meant to be glanced at but not really looked at. It’s not a rude thing, it’s just how it is.

You’d just gotten off a string of interviews with the cast of a huge blockbuster that was coming out (not to brag, but you did get to meet most of the actors in the new Captain America movie), and you’d gotten used to a quick handshake and a brief hi, how are you? before they move on to the person who’s running the whole thing. It had been a long day, adjusting the camera settings and staving off boredom as you listened to Matt ask similar-sounding questions over and over and over. By some miracle, there was actually a couple of hours in between interviews, but that was mostly due having to switch from the Captain America backdrop to something simple for whatever new Netflix cast was up next. You were fiddling with the camera settings, killing time as you waited around for the girl who was running the lights to finish up.

“Yeah, you’re going to have to adjust that fill light, I guarantee it,” you said, grinning as she shot you a scowl.

“I think I know what I’m doing, Y/N.”

“I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure that this dude is taller than you think. It doesn’t look like it’s going to be high enough.” She shot you another glare, making you laugh at the sight of it. The two of you had worked on enough stuff together, and you knew the exact buttons to push to annoy her, and vice versa.

“You working that event tonight at the Bowl?”  

“Does it look like I’m working the event tonight?” You ask, motioning to your outfit, which was most definitely not production blacks. “The only thing that I’m doing tonight is getting caught up on Game of Thrones and eating leftover pizza.”

“Uh, excuse me, I was told to come in here for a lighting test?” You turned around at the voice, plastering on a quick smile for the actor.

“Right, uh-” You hesitated, glancing down at the chair next to you, littered with papers that Matt had printed off for the interview. You scanned the words for a second before settling on his name. “Joe, right? Just take a seat there. Cassie will finish up with the lighting in a second.”  

It was really hard for you to keep the smug smirk off your face as Joe sat down, the fill light hitting his face a weird way on camera. You waited until he was looking down at his phone to do it, the corners of your lips tugging upwards just enough to convey your message to Cassie.

I fucking told you so.

“So, you watch Game of Thrones?”  You looked from Cassie to the man in front of you, your eyebrows raising in question.

“Huh?”

“You were talking about Game of Thrones when I came in. You watch it?” The confusion was written on your face as you rested your hand against the tripod, fingers tapping against the cool metal.

“Yeah, I do,” you said. The words were coming out slow, your brain more concerned with trying to wrap your mind around his little grin than with understanding his exact words.

“What season are you in?”

“I just finished up the first season.” His eyes widened, mouth opening and you knew exactly what was coming. “I know I’m behind, okay? I get shit for it all the time.”

“How much has been ruined for you?”

“I honestly try not to think about it. Spoilers piss me off. I accidentally found out that Dumbledore died before I finished reading the book, and I ended up crying on the bus. It was terrible.”

“Dude, Dumbledore dies?”

For a second, your heart stopped pounding. A sick feeling settled into your gut. Oh God, you just ruined one of the biggest spoilers in history to this guy. But then his look of dismay turned into that little grin, and you scowled.

“That was low, man.”

“It’s not as low as Kylo Ren running a lightsaber through Han Solo’s chest.” You tried to act annoyed, but it was in vain since you literally could not stop grinning at him. “I assume you knew about that one, then?”

“Yeah. Pretty sure everyone knows about that one by now.”

“That’s true. But did you know that in -”

“Hey, man! Sorry I’m late,” Matt butted in, causing a brief flicker of annoyance to rise up in your chest. You caught Joe giving you a look before he shifted his attention towards Matt, sliding right into professionalism.

“So, he’s cute,” Cassie muttered behind you, making you jump. You blinked at her, a little surprised that she’d somehow managed to fix the fill light and walk behind you, all without you noticing.

“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure,” you shrugged.

A lot of actors were cute. It was no big deal.

“So you do know that Darth Vader is Luke’s father, right?”

You didn’t even have to turn around from your camera to know who it was.

Spoilers had become a sort of thing between the two of you. You were a freelancer, so a decent amount of media sites hired you to film their stuff. And at some point, Joe’s little, weird, niche sci-fi show thing (his description) had blown up. Which translated into more interviews, but more importantly, more spoilers. Somewhere along the way it had turned into this inside joke between you both.

“Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.” You turned around just in time to see his face as you said it, the corners of his mouth curving into an even wider grin as he ducked his head. He pressed his lips together like he was trying to rein it in.

Belatedly, you realized you were staring at his mouth.

“So you have any plans tonight?” You - reluctantly - dragged your gaze to his eyes, ignoring the little smirk that was planted firmly on his face.

“Nothing but eating an entire jar of Nutella and finishing up Jessica Jones.”

“My God, you are so far behind on TV. Have you even started Breaking Bad?”

“Uh, yeah. Walter White was dead the whole time.”

“Holy shit, do I need to make you a list of shows you need to watch?”

“Probably, yeah.”

There was a pause in the conversation as he looked at you, his smirk fading the longer he didn’t respond. Was he really that upset with your lack of TV watching?

“I could make you that list tonight. Over drinks?”

Oh.

Oh.

“Over drinks?” Internally, you swore at yourself for the way your voice wavered over those two simple syllables.

“Yeah, over drinks. You know, the thing where you go out and drink? With other people?” It was like magic, the way his smirk just appeared once more. “Me, and Dacre and Charlie and Nat are all heading out for drinks. I mean, Natalia can’t drink because she’s underage, but she’ll still hang out.” His smirk started to fade the longer you kept quiet. “So there’s no pressure for you to drink, but uh, I thought I’d just ask because, you know, we’ve known each other for like a year now and I just… You can stop me whenever you like because it’s going to get a lot worse and I’m honestly rambling right now…” he trailed off, offering you a helpless look.

“I’m down with drinks. I kind of just wanted to see where you were going to end up.”

“It would’ve ended up with me crying from embarrassment.”

“Way to ruin the ending for me, asshole.”

“It could’ve been worse. I could’ve told you that Tyler Durden isn’t real and is actually a product of the narrator’s split personality.”

“.... Yeah, I actually haven’t seen that one. It’s Fight Club, right?”

“Oh, fuck.”

It felt like the two of you had passed through, like, twelve friendship stages since you’d seen him earlier that day. Before, all you’d known about him was that he was funny and nice, he was an actor, and his name was Joe. All he’d known about you was that you were funny and nice, you were a camera operator, and that your name was Y/N.

But suddenly, you were getting drinks. And exchanging phone numbers. And texting. And possibly flirting (but according to Cassie and just about anyone that had seen the two of you together, you’d been flirting with each other since you’d first met).

Joe: Here. Everyone else is already inside

You: Pulling up now 👍

Your heart was currently located somewhere within your throat as the Lyft driver pulled up to the curb. It wasn’t hard to find Joe, who was leaning against the building, eyes shifting from left to right before settling on your car. He smiled, soft and small, before straightening up and heading towards the car.

“Thank you!” You said, giving the driver a quick grin and handing him the tip before opening up the car door. Joe was grinning then, offering his hand to you to help you out.

“You look great,” he said, teeth dragging across his lower lip. His voice was softer than it usually was, the look in his eyes warm and bright. Everything about him was making your body tingle with nerves. Your hand rested in his, igniting a warmth that spread down your arm and settled into your whole body as you stepped out of the car.

“Thanks. So do you.” You felt a little awkward, almost stilted. You knew how to react with him in short, teasing bursts. But this was a whole other ballgame, and you were terrified that you were going to strike out.

He didn’t let go of your hand, instead adjusting his so that his fingers intertwined with yours.

“Is this okay?” You looked up at him, and found a little solace in the fact that he looked just as nervous as you felt.

“Yeah, Joe, it’s good.” He gave your hand a quick squeeze as he started forward, leading you inside. You waited a couple of seconds before allowing your word vomit to start. “So this is kind of awkward, right?” Joe let out a loud laugh, causing a couple of people to turn their heads in your direction as the two of you made your way to a table in the back. You’d expected that you’d be grabbing drinks at some fancy place, but instead, it was some little pizza place hidden away on a side street in LA.

“This is really awkward, yeah. I feel like I don’t know what to say, y’know? Like maybe I should’ve asked you out when it’d be just the two of us.”

“You know what we need to do then, right?” Joe just looked down at you, pausing a little before you reached the table. “We drink.”

And drink you did. Charlie kept his down to a single beer, admitting that he was taking pity on Natalia since she couldn’t drink at all. Dacre drank more than you’d ever thought was humanly possible, but Joe kept reminding you that he was Australian, and they can drink infinitely more than Americans ever could. You and Joe, however, were right in between the two extremes. A couple of beers in each, pleasantly tipsy. With each sip, you found yourself leaning against him more and more. His arm rested against the back of your chair, fingertips brushing against your shoulder every so often.

“So, wait. Have you or have you not watched Stranger Things?” Natalia asked you, eyes wide and incredulous.

“I’m getting to it! Do you know how many TV shows I need to watch? Just thinking about it stresses me out!”

“Dacre, hand me a napkin,” Joe ordered, looking up as the waitress passed by them. “Excuse me, miss? Whenever you have a second, could I borrow a pen?” She fished one out of her pocket, giving him a wide grin. “You are a lifesaver, thank you.”

Dacre leaned across the table, watching as Joe started to write.

Shows and Movies That Y/N Needs to Watch Right Fucking Now ASAP

You just ate your pizza as the four castmates started chiming in with show suggestions that were a must for you to watch.

“Oh, have you seen Fight Club?” Dacre asked, mouth full of french fries.

“I haven’t, but I don’t really need to. Joe ruined it for me this morning.”

“KEERY!” Dacre yelled, throwing a couple of french fries in Joe’s direction. “What the hell is wrong with you? Fuckin’ spoilers, man.”

“It’s been out for years! How the hell has she not seen it?”

“It doesn’t matter! It’s like telling someone that Jon Snow isn’t really dead.”

Joe grew quiet as your face went white. Charlie and Nat picked up on it almost immediately, both of them staring wide eyed at the big-mouthed Australian.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Wait, are you not caught up?”

“I’m in the middle of season three.” Dacre was the one whose face went white in that moment, turning a bright red in mere seconds.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, holy shit. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

You didn’t want to, but a quiet chuckle escaped your lips anyway. Dacre looked so remorseful in that moment as he practically tripped over his words, still rambling on in an attempt to really apologize to you.

“It’s fine, Dacre, really. It’s not like you told me something really important, like the fact that Offred ends up pregnant with Nick’s baby.”

“I told you that I was on episode six, are you fucking kidding me?” Dacre exploded, causing Joe to grin wide enough that it looked as though it’d hurt. The table burst into laughter, bolstered by the fact that Dacre was just sitting in his chair sputtering as he shook his head violently.

“That might the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” Joe said, as casual as though he was commenting on the weather. But when you looked over to him, his eyes were dark as he watched you. Something dropped in your stomach, and in that span of a second, the pizzeria became stifling.

“Right,” Charlie began, but his voice sounded distant to you. Then again, everything was sounding distant to you, and becoming even more distant the longer you looked at Joe. “On that note, I think we’re going to leave.”

“You ready to head out, then?” Joe’s voice was the only voice that sounded close. You looked over to him, cheeks a little warm as you nodded. It was kind of a blur as everyone settled the check (the only thing that was clear was the fact that Joe was refusing to let you pay) and before you knew it, you and Joe were waving everyone off as the two of you lingered out on the sidewalk.

“So, um, hottest thing you’ve ever seen, huh?” Your words weren’t slurring by any means, but there was still a pleasant fog hovering over your brain, your words falling out of your mouth a little slower than they usually did.

Joe turned to look at you, his head moving in a slow nod. He took a step closer to you, resting a hand on your waist to pull you into him.

“I love Dacre, I do, but you ruining The Handmaid’s Tale for him like that was the single most attractive thing that I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” His lips were on yours right after the single word was spoken. It was warm and lazy, like the two of you had all the time in the world to just kiss each other. It was late out; the sidewalk was mostly empty. It was easier to forget that you weren’t in a more private spot, especially when his tongue swiped along your lower lip. You opened your mouth, deepening the kiss as you wound your arms around his neck. The tension spurred the two of you on, pushing you closer to him as his free hand wound behind you, grabbing your -

“Get a room, Jesus!”

The stranger’s voice sounded from down the street, but it was enough to make you spring away from him. You weren’t sure when your fingers had wound into his hair, but it was looking disheveled all the same, some tufts standing straight up as though he’d just gotten out of bed.

“You want to get out of here?” Joe’s voice was wrecked. It was low and scratchy. His chest was heaving up and down as though he’d been running in a dead sprint. The look he was giving you put images in your head, ones of him pressing you up against a wall and wrapping your legs around his waist as his lips made their home against your neck.

“Absolutely,” you said. Your own voice wasn’t that much better. That single word had come out far more breathless than you’d intended, but the effect it had on Joe made a fire run in your veins, screaming throughout your entire body.

Joe pulled out his phone, fingers trembling as he opened up the app to call an Uber. You were going to make some sort of joke about how he still used Uber when Lyft was so much better, but he glanced to you out of the corner of his eye, and it made your knees a little weak.

It was worse when he put his phone away.

The two of you were standing there, shoulder to shoulder as the driver took his or her good time in getting there. A group of drunken college students had meandered down the street, and as much as you wanted to, making out with Joe once more wasn’t an option.

“How drunk are you right now?” You looked up at him, appreciating the way that the orange streetlights lit his face. He was all soft light and shadows, with an occasional pink hue from a broken, neon sign.

“Maybe slightly tipsy? Sober enough to consent, if that’s what you’re asking.” His eyes were darkening with every passing second.

“Same here.” Your teeth raked across your lower lip, biting down on it. Joe groaned, running his fingers through his hair as he tilted his head back. “You’re going to drive me insane.”

The Uber pulled up right in front of you. Joe rested his hand against the small of your back, guiding you to the car.

The car ride was torture. It was a sweet kind of torture, but torture nonetheless. Joe kept his hand on your thigh the entire time, trying time after time to inch it up, only to be stopped by your glare. Every time he was caught, he’d shoot you this dark little smirk that sent heat right down your spine.

There was no doubt in your mind that if you let him continue, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself. The poor driver didn’t deserve to deal with that.

It was a little embarrassing just how fast you made it out of the Uber the second it was in park. You practically leaped out of the car, eager to try and get a handle on yourself. But you really couldn’t. All you could feel was the ghost of his hand gripping your thigh, or his lips against yours, nothing but need. Hell, it took you a full twenty seconds to realize that you were at a hotel.

“You okay?” It was as though he’d appeared out of thin air, made of nothing but attraction and a little bit of concern. Your hand reached out and took hold of his.

“I’m great.”

It would have been a miracle if the two of you could have made it up to his room before you leapt at each other. Thankfully, it was a little past one in the morning, which meant that the elevator was empty.

The second the doors dinged shut, Joe had you crowded into the corner. This time it was different. It was hard to tell where you ended and he began. With every move of his lips you were dissolving into him. You nipped at his lower lip, gentle as you tugged on it. A low groan emanated from his throat as he pressed against you.

It was hard to tell whether Joe was taking something from you or giving it to you. All you knew was that you felt like rushing water, shifting and moving and responding to every move that he took.

Far away, you could hear the opening of the elevator doors. It almost physically hurt to pry yourself away from him, but suddenly, you needed to get into that room of his. Joe blinked down at you, mirroring your exact expression.

“I…” He breathed out that lonesome letter, the look on his face telling you all that you needed to know. You took his hand and lead him out of the elevator, pausing as you waited for him to speak. “Lead the way,” he said, dazed.

“I don’t know what room it is.”

Joe stared down at you for a moment longer, the dazed look in his eyes fading until he realized what you’d just said. A furious blush attacked his cheeks as he led you down the hall. His thumb kept rubbing distracting circles into your skin.

It took a little longer for the two of you to make it to his room. Once, because he’d glanced back to you and caught sight of your lip between your teeth, which had ended up with your back against the wall, his lips against yours as he muttered something about biting that lip for you.

The bigger reason, however, was the fact that once your party of two had reached his room, his hands had been shaking so hard as he tried to put the key card into the slot. Apparently, it was hard for him to concentrate when you were pressing kiss after kiss against his jaw, fingers hooked around his belt loops to draw him closer to you.

“Y/N, I just - I - C’mon, I can’t - Yes.”

Just like that, he’d managed to unlock the door, practically shoving you through it and then promptly apologizing. You stepped into the room, taking it all in. It was an average hotel room, littered with a couple of shirts on the ground, and two PlayStation 4 controllers setting on top of the mini fridge. He flipped on a light, the room illuminated enough to make everything nice and soft.

A bout of nerves filled your chest as you glanced over to him. This was Joe, the guy that you’d been denying that you had a crush on for almost a year. This was the guy that had made you look forward to filming some interviews, who had popped in and out of your life ever since you’d first met.

You liked Joe.  A lot. A hell of a lot.

He was staring at you, patient as he waited for you to say something. There was a small smile lingering on his lips as he watched you, and it caused a kaleidoscope of butterflies to flutter in your stomach. He started to walk towards you, eyes focused on yours as your pulse quickened.

“You look a little terrified, which is kinda weird, since twenty seconds ago you were kissing me like your life depended on it,” he teased, his words gentle as he reached for you. You let him circle his arms around your waist, loose enough for you to pull away if you wanted to.

“I just, I like you, alright? I don’t want to mess anything up. Or give you the wrong impression.”

“The impression that I got was that you like me as much as I like you, and we’re going to be hanging out a lot more together, and that this isn’t casual at all for either of us.” The relief flooded through you, washing away any doubts that had sunk their teeth into your mind. “Am I close?”

“Spot on, actually.”

“Would it make you feel better if we just hang out, maybe watched some TV and made out a lot?”

“Are you proposing that we… Netflix and chill?”

Joe laughed, his head dropping against yours as he grinned. His laughter devolved into snickers as he looked down at you.

“Essentially, I guess so. It’s catchier than saying let’s watch Parks and Rec and make out a ton during it.” He pressed a quick kiss to your lips, followed by one to your cheek. “You have seen Parks and Rec, right? Because if you haven’t, we can’t make out during it. You need to see it.”

“I’ll… I’ll get to it, okay! Don’t judge me!” Joe tugged you towards the bed, falling down onto it and pulling you down with him.

“What the hell have you seen? Because I really want to make out with you.”

“30 Rock.”

“I haven’t finished it yet, though.”

“Have you gotten to the part where Liz and Jack get married?” Joe turned onto his side so he could get a better look at you. You just grinned up at him, the laughter bubbling up out of you like a spring.

“Don’t start with me,” he warned. His words were low, but they were belied by the grin that he just couldn’t get rid of.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do about it, hmmm, Keery?” He leaned down, swinging his leg over you and resting a hand on either side of your head to hold himself up. His lips hovered just above yours as he smirked. His mouth brushed against yours, hot and open as you stared up at him.

“I can think of a few things.”

taglist: @allfandomxreader @myblackwings5 @morgandakotaq @rivedale @laterg8r @buckybass @alwaysmebeforeyou @istanuriss

[hagarenmovie]

[Translation] Yamada Ryosuke x Dean Fujioka Nihon Eiga No. 72 Interview

In this interview, Yamada Ryosuke and Dean Fujioka talked about the film, their approach to their respective roles, their filming experience, and most importantly, how mesmerized they are with each other’s beauty and talent. :) 

Special thanks to weibo user 草莓要配白巧克力 for the clear scans.

You can see the magazine’s photo shoot between these two here 

Born under a lucky star-----?

--- Since it was the first time you two co-starred, what were your impressions of each other?

Yamada: I wondered what kind of person he was. Doesn’t he give off a mysterious impression? When I watched him on TV, he looked like a prince who stepped out of a shojo manga. Even in the eyes of men, he was cool.

Dean: (Smiles)

Yamada: I wanted to find some weaknesses. I wondered what he was not good with. When I met him on set, he was extremely friendly. The more I know him, the more I realize that he has no flaws. “There are [actually] people like this” was what I discussed with (Winry’s actress Honda) Tsubasa on set.

[T/N: He just called her Tsubasa in the original text, not Tsubasa-chan or Tsubasa-san.]

--- He does not have any flaws, does he?

Dean: Quite doubtful though (laughs).

Yamada: Er, is there something [I should know]?

Dean: There are a lot [of flaws]. If I start listing them, it will probably go on forever (laughs).  [Now,] the following lines are indeed “coming out of a manga”. If I have to describe your face, it is one I can look at forever. It’s like he was born under a lucky star. When I look at Yamada-kun's face, I feel so very fortunate.

Yamada: I'm happy to hear that (laughs).

Dean: I don’t think it would be possible [for someone] to be born under such a star. Although you may think you heard a strange comment, it is precisely the line to use to if I am describing such a person.

---- How was it like to co-star?

Yamada: I truly admire his attitude in tackling the role. Although we have only worked together in this project, [I think] he understood every bit of the role properly, from the expressions and gestures, the way to show it... His whole characterization was like painting an artwork, and he was cool as a man.  He took everything extremely seriously.

--- Dean-san's Colonel Mustang was awesome indeed.

Yamada: Well, he really was Mustang. I am a huge fan of the original work, and since Mustang is as popular as Ed, [initially] I was really worried about his casting.  When it was decided to be Dean-san, as a fan of the manga, [I felt everything] would be okay now.  Looking at him on set wearing the uniform, I thought “Mustang is here”.

Dean: Thank you very much.

Yamada: There was a scene where Dean-san snapped his fingers and then fire erupted everywhere. I think only Dean-san can create that image. It was so cool.

Dean: Everyone knows that all you need is one glance and you will feel Yamada-kun’s presence; I think this is a talent he is born with. But while Yamada-kun is attractive, at the same time, he is very rugged. Speaking for myself, I felt that he is very strong. Even when he was playing the character Ed, he was very lively and Yamada-kun’s acting was just right.  I think that as a real life person, he was able to draw out the charm of the original manga character, this man is cool to the core. Somehow I became interested to hear many things about him, like "How did you get started with your current job?" Whether it was good to ask them, I don't know (laughs).

Yamada: No, no, it's okay.

Dean: Tell me everything. As far as the Japanese entertainment industry is concerned...I have only 4 or 5 years of experience in Japan, so there are a lot of things I do not know. In a sense, I think that this film is representative of Japan in the 2017/2018 season. I was very interested in how they adapt an original manga that has [such widespread] appeal, even from the overseas; actually I am working in another country, and everyone have heard about this work.  As the lead actor of such a massive project, he must have a very strong will to play the role of Ed.  Even if you act a certain way, [there are more that] are conveyed by the eyes and the delivery of the lines; in other words, it is not just about acting. Even if you played the role as you understood it, it may not come out easily, since there are parts of you that are exposed, whether good or bad. In that sense, I think that Yamada-kun on screen as Ed will grab the hearts of many people.

Yamada: Thank you very much.

--- Dean-san said, "As Ed, there is a strength [within him]".  How do you prepare yourself while on set?

Yamada: I'm not talking about creating a role here, but I do make it a rule to not carry the role with me [while we are not filming]. If I take a role with me, then I cannot talk with the staff, and indeed it will be impossible for me to talk to anyone who plays the role of an enemy.  I don’t think that is an entertainment show. Of course, I was there in the position of the lead, but because I was also Yamada Ryosuke, the person, Dean-san asked me a lot of things, for me as well, I asked him about filming overseas and private stories, and I listened to the music Dean-san made privately.  To go further, even if someone told me not to socialize with the actors on the homunculus side (the homunculi trio are the antagonists) during filming, it would be impossible to do.

Dean: You were mainly talking about games on set (laughs).

Yamada: We were doing that (laughs). Regardless, I am not that type [of actor]. I can switch to the role when we start shooting.

--- Anything else you you guys talked about?

Dean: I ask things like who likes comedy and stuff (laughs)

Yamada: Dean-san, I like comedy (laughs).

Dean: Yamada-kun told me about a number of comedians.  We were watching videos together, Maple Superalloy and so on (laughs).

The Deep Connection between Ed and Mustang

--- How was the role of Ed?

Yamada: Ed is an existence I have known since I was a child, so I do not have to force it.  I already have a [firm image of him] in my mind.  [Instead], I thought about how I could paint the role with my own colours.  I could not break the character by what I do but I also have to make sure that I do what I intended to do. So I thought about how to properly mix the [two objectives].

--- Romi Park-san, who voiced Ed in the anime, had said in the media that Ed was a really hard role.

Yamada: After the filming ended, I had the opportunity to eat with Park-san, while we talked about the difficult experiences that are only known to those who have played Ed, I felt that I also gained some insight into what it means to play Ed.

Dean: Oh.

Yamada: I could not perform [this part] using minor acting; if I can’t let what was inside of me emerge explosively in an instant, I could not play Ed [that way].  I poured everything I have into the role, so hopefully, you will find [my performance] convincing.

--- About how the way Ed talks?

Yamada: I [had planned on] changing the tone of my voice. I asked Park-san’s and we talked for about 4 to 5 hours, and I had a strong impression of Ed in my mind, but [by the time] I heard Park-san’s thoughts on Ed as someone who had played the role for many years, the movie was already finished, so I made an impossible request of the director, “Could I do that part again?”, so there were some parts where I did re-dubbing again. I was glad we [him and Romi] had been able to talk.

--- For Dean-san, how was it like to play Mustang?

Dean: At first glance, you do not know what kind of person he was. Was he a good person or was he not very good?  However, he was actually very strong willed and prepared, therefore, sometimes it seemed like he was emotionless; he was the best friend of Lt. Colonel Hughes played by Sato (Ryuta) san and he was also concerned about the brothers Ed and Al, right?  He was caught between his relationships to others and the feelings he held for the opposite side, but still, he moved forward with a strong will.  I thought it was important to maintain a balance there.

--- In the film, Colonel Mustang was a “leading man” type, but in the manga, he also had a comedic side.

Dean: When I read the manga, there are times when he was in proper human form and there are times when he was shown in the “three-head form” in comedy mode.  I wondered how the “three-head form” could be shown in the live action film (laughs). I was interested in reading those in the original work.  However, this time, [Roy Mustang] was drawn as the “adult form” [in the film].  If the “three-head form” can be shown in future, I think you will Roy Mustang exhibiting a different type of charm.

[T/N: Santoushin refers to the style of drawing human figures where the head is literally ⅓ of length of the body. I’m just going to call it “three-head form” because I have no idea what the correct term should be.  The adult form / human form refers to the serious side and “three-head form” refers to the comedic side of Roy Mustang.]

--- This movie was also filmed in Siena, Italy. Yamada-san, how was it in Italy?

Yamada: As expected, if I film in Japan in this costume, it would be fine if I felt in character. Since at crank-in for any work, I would feel a bit uncertain [about the character], so for me, it was a great thing that we could crank-in in Italy. That scenery, atmosphere… it was just like the world of Hagaren, so by shooting in that [environment], I was able to get into [the character] for the duration.  Then there was the train. It is not on a regular schedule; the train only runs once or twice a year.

Dean: That's right.

Yamada: Ten hours, we shot all the scenes at once without leaving [the train].  Although it was tough, it was a valuable experience.  That said, the filming [conditions] were quite shabby (laughs).

Dean: What? Where (laughs)?

Yamada: We spent ten hours on the train and those were wooden chairs without cushion.

Dean: Ah! I see, I see.

Yamada: We could not go to the bathroom. And for meals, we just had bread and apples for the whole day… It was just a [long and glorious] story though (laughs).  I had never been in such a situation before, so it was hard to get used to it, right? However, the Italian and Japanese crew held my hand and encouraged me with, "Just a little bit more and we are done!"  Since it was bright until 10pm over there, they could take forever to finish shooting (laughs). Although I was only there for two weeks, I was able to get past these challenges, finished [filming there] with a sense of Ed’s character intact, and approached the shoot in Japan with a positive feeling. Because there were a lot of important scenes that were filmed in Japanese.

--- Dean-san did not shoot in Italy, but the Toho Studio's set was also magnificent.

Dean: Well, I was excited [to see] the scale of the set. [I wondered] what kind of filming will start from there.  There was an overwhelming use of CG in this project, and I had once participated in a CG heavy work in China.  Having the [prior] experience, I tried to imagine the different approaches [to CG] used by different countries in various scenes, as that provided good stimuli and discoveries.  Director Sori was amazing.  While filming, the complete image was firmly planted in the director’s head.  There was no confusion at the production stage, and the lack of hesitation was really amazing.

Yamada: He was amazing.

Dean: Our eyes would meet, he would say "For this part, please do it like this", it was just [the right thing to say], so I also had a lot of confidence in doing it and I thought that was wonderful.  While filming, I was looking forward to the finished product.

--- The relationship between Ed and Mustang was not very serious on the surface, but there was a [shared] understanding deep inside their hearts and I think it was great. You can see it in the movie too.  

Yamada: In this work, [Ed] was a child living among adults, right?  While he was a State Alchemist, he was the youngest; he counted Hughes as one of his close friends and allies, Mustang was a tough but trustworthy presence, and Ed was going back and forth between all these relations.  I think that being thrown in the midst of the adult world, Ed was nipping at adulthood in this very charming manga.  Still, Mustang and Ed were connected by a warm friendship that could not be seen.  Mustang’s background was not explored in the movie yet.  However, Hughes and Mustang did have a meaningful conversation.

Dean: Yeah, yeah.

Yamada: For me, I want [Mustang] to be characterized properly. In the future, if there is a 2nd or [even] 3rd part, I think we will definitely delve into [his story], and if someone who is not familiar with “Fullmetal Alchemist” saw this, [they will finally know] there was such a past for Mustang, so I think they will now understand how he got to his position and that he was aiming for the top. Then, as their impression of Mustang changes, the way they look at Ed will also change accordingly. I think everything connects to the relationship between these two people. Because I already knew it, so it shall be (laughs).

Dean: (Laughs)

Yamada: I want people to know this properly. Otherwise, they do not understand why these two people are in such a relationship.

Dean: That's part of the background, if we look at Ed and Mustang’s relationship in real life, they do not hang out every day, so when they saw each other after a long time, they will update each other; they have that type of relationship.  When he hears the other person’s stories, there is a feeling of “wow” and regret [at the same time]. He may think that it is something he wanted to do himself, so by leaving a memento of the time they were apart, they become the inspiration of the other person, and the relationship is properly updated.  I think that such a provoking relationship is very important, perhaps if things are to continue as is, a friendship will emerge… well, that is how I feel.

Yamada: [Ed and Mustang] were chasing after different things, but I guess they were similar. Both of them were very strong willed (laughs).

Dean: (Laughs)

Yamada: So, sometimes there were conflicts between them, but there was a certain respect as well, even though they did not want to admit it.

Dean: I chose a different approach, perhaps they were the same fundamentally. Since those two resemble each other, I wonder if there would be conflicts.

What underlies the stars' styles?

--- There is a scene where Yamada-san jumped from the height of about 7 meters at the beginning of the movie. When the director [wanted to] proceed with rehearsals, you said you would do the real take right away. Weren’t you afraid?

Yamada: No, I was scared. However, even if we rehearsed [the scene], it would not change the fact that I had to leap [off the building], so even if the rehearsal was good, it would not have helped.  So, I said, “let's just do the leap!”  There was nothing else left to do because even if I was afraid, it could not be helped.  I was already out there.

---Did you cultivate that kind of resolve while doing this job?

Yamada: What is that? I guess it is my personality.  I've been doing things [based on gut] feelings since I was little.  It is like “I will do anything!” (laughs).  I think there were many times where my feelings were aroused at this film set.  As this is my first time appearing in a world famous property, there were many things I could learn from this role, and since I have put every experience I have accumulated in my life so far into this role, I feel that I have renewed my resolve for the future again.

--- Next, for Dean-san's Colonel Mustang, there was a great deal of heat.

Dean: Oh, the fire was hot (laughs)?

--- Although the fire was hot too (laughs), in the second half, there was nothing but heat. You could not go to such a place with normal level of awareness.  Of course Dean-san was acting, but even in variety shows as an example, you take every single thing seriously.  You put your heart and soul into it.

Dean: Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad [to hear this]. Working as an actor, I spend a part of my life in a role, so shouldn’t I completely pour that part of my life in there?  Since I am doing what I desire to do, I want to treat it with importance.  Everyone wants to make their life better, but it can only be done through their own hard work.  Every single job, even when I am not working, one way or another, my life is changing based on the path I chose.  I have this feeling whether I am acting or working with music and other things.

--- Finally, please tell us what you think is the charm of the story.

Yamada: I think this work properly described the fundamental weakness that exists in human beings.  It is a masterpiece in fantasy entertainment where even the antagonists, the homunculi, were fully formed emotionally.  “We are not human beings, but we wanted to be thought of as human beings.”  Since these weaknesses are shown, it grasps at your heart and touches your soul.

Dean: The last words of Lust (the name of the homunculus played by Matsuyuki Yasuko) sums it up the best.  I thought you were a hateful enemy a while ago, but it seemed to have come a full circle.

Yamada: That's right. Every single character has a background story and his or her own personality and each character is portrayed very delicately. I think this is one of the charms of this work. In the manga, [the motivation for each action] was clear, so it was also very easy to read.  I would like to take a peek into [Arakawa] sensei's head. I wonder how she came up with such a story.

Dean: There are many metaphors and symbols drawn from the real world in this work, so won't those images be conveyed to those who have a strong desire to see them [better] by real life actors working on the live action them?  I think it is normal for young children like Ed and Al to want to see their mother again.  However, because they missed their beloved mother,  the brothers took the wrong approach and the two paid a price.  In order to return his brother Al to his former body, Ed took a series of action with a selfless (self-sacrifice) intention, I think that emotional side strongly appealed to the viewers by filming with real people. Even the homunculus, who are the antagonists, has such a place in the story; Mustang pushing forward with a strong will in order to reach his goal; things happening at times that pushed emotions and advanced the story; and all other characters had a delicately drawn backstory; since this work is unique in the film world, I think many people would like to see it.

"Director Sori talked about the charm of Yamada Ryosuke"

I think that Yamada-kun’s sense as an actor was outstanding, but Ed is a very masculine role. I saw [Ed] as an unparalleled, explosive force (laughs).  I asked myself what would I do if Yamada-kun was really quiet or very feminine (laughs). However, when we met, [I noticed] he was very manly. He was Ed and it was fun for me to make request after request. Sometimes when I asked for impossible things, there was disgust written all over his face. However, he would still respond brilliantly. For example, there was a scene in the beginning where he had to leap from about 7m tall. It was a very difficult scene because it was a leap in the middle of an action scene, but he did it without difficulty. When I said, "Yamada-kun, let’s rehearse the jump", he said, "It's ok. Just do the real take." "Well, don't you want a run through to get used to it?" I said. "I do not want to jump many times." So just like that, I turned on the camera, and I saw Ed wearing his heavy coat flying through the air. I thought it was soooooo cool (laughs). He is a movie star indeed! I guess he's a gutsy guy. When I asked him whether he was afraid, he said “Scary!”  He added, "Even if I am scared, I have no choice but to do it.” As someone who carried the responsibility of the lead, he could not hamper [the production], I think that the staff responded to his spirit, and the other actors were also considerably fired up by his earnestness.

"Director Sori talked about the charm of Dean Fujioka"

The enthusiasm for everyone on set was unusually high, you wouldn't know it unless you were there. Mr. Dean was very masculine and he was the one who spread the enthusiasm on set. Everyone had expectations and he met that expectation. Since he was someone who could fire up the passion of those around him, the excitement level went up steadily, so when we finally reached the climax, it was awesome, wasn't it? I don't think I had seen such a Dean Fujioka before. I think the passion on set was possessing Dean-san. Dean-san, with the heat contained inside him, was absolutely amazing. Noticing it, I could tell that the switch had now been turned on. At first glance, he looked like a cool guy, but once the switch was flipped, he couldn’t be stopped. I think the young people around him was also switched on [as a result].

Because he is rich in sensibility, I guess there was an understanding [between him and] Yamada-kun. Although there were sparks flying when these two men were acting together, but once the scene was done, it seemed like they obtained some sort of understanding of each other. When I was watching Yamada-kun and Dean-san, I felt like I was actually seeing the relationship between Ed and Mustang. While they were not stuck together on the surface, it seemed that these two were completely connected at the root level. You got to admit it.  I think that it was great that these two men were able to see each other and foster a good relationship as men and as actors.

[beaniegara]

I was tagged by @demonsandthebois​ & @demonproofboi​! thank you, beautiful people!! <3

Rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Last

1. drink- water.

2. phone call- something work-related, I think? like, I answered the phone at work.

3. text message- a friend answering my “why are you online at 6″ message to her lol (it was too hot to sleep, she said.)

4. song you listened to- currently listening to summertime sadness by lana del rey (totally on a lana del rey high these days).

5. time you cried- I don’t.. remember? it must’ve been a few weeks ago, maybe a couple of months? but I did get teary-eyed watching some episodes of hannibal these days.

Ever

6. dated someone twice? nope.

7. kissed someone and regretted it? nope.

8. been cheated on? nope. 

9. lost someone special? I mean, I lost my grandma when I was 4 and she was raising me? but I don’t really remember anything, my brain deleted everything from that time, so I’m gonna say no.

10. been depressed? clinically, 9 years ago. on and off since then. 

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? nope.

Fave colours

12. orange.

13. lime green.

14. purple? pink? I can’t pick one kmgfkdjgfks

In the last year have you…

15. made new friends? yup! 

16. fallen out of love? technically, yes.

17. laughed until you cried? many times.

18. found out someone was talking about you? not that I can remember?

19. met someone who changed you? not to sound like an ass but I think every person changes me in their own way!!

20. found out who your friends are? I kinda already knew. didn’t change much. 

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? nope.

General

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? probably not even 1/3, I keep unfriending people from school kkkkdjskgfdjk and I’ve been talking to people online for the better part of my life so there’s a lot of internet friends there! 

23. do you have any pets? nope :(

24. do you want to change your name? I wish I could take out one of my last names (I have two). hate that part of the family.

25. what did you do for your last birthday? uhh, spent some time with my mom and aunt? I don’t really celebrate my birthdays but they do so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

26. what time did you wake up today? 6-ish, almost 7am.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? I think I went to bed around that time, after lots of reblogging gifs of the bfu episode kjfdsfdkkg

28. what is something you can’t wait for? can’t wait until I’m well off and don’t need to study/work doing stuff that makes me so uncomfortable (ie, dealing with people).

30. what are you listening to right now? 1cm pride (live) - mamamoo.

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? uhm, don’t think so. we don’t get those here. 

32. something that’s getting on your nerves – politics. can’t stand the state of things right now. 

33. most visited website- tumblr but twitter is a close second.

34. hair color- brown, auburn-ish.

35. long or short hair- mine is currently short but that’s ‘cause I don’t have the patience for long hair, because I’d rather have mine long.

36. do you have a crush on someone? starting to. big time. (you know who you are!!)

37. what do you like about yourself? almost nothing but uhhh... I guess I could say I try to be as polite/kind as possible to people? D:

38. want any piercings? yesss, I miss my industrial piercing :c 

39. blood type- O+. I think. it may be negative.

40. nicknames- naluh! most of my friends call me that. but two of them call me kagami, forgot to mention it last time I did this :D

41. relationship status- single.

42. zodiac- gemini! the best sign!!  

43. pronouns- she/her.

44. fave tv shows- sherlock (quickly dropping, but for now..), dollhouse, the lizzie borden chronicles, the librarians. <3

45. tattoos- none, but I already have two in mind. I just need to hate my body a bit less lol

46. right or left handed- right.

47. ever had surgery? nope. 

49. sport- I used to dance, and I still want to go back to it, but for now... none. I do like watching football (US soccer) though! 

50, vacation- wish I could go overseas, maybe visit the UK? scotland, ireland, england? 

51. trainers- I have (1) and that’s more than enough. 

More general

52. eating- just had bread and cream cheese since we skipped lunch today lol

53. drinking- water.

54. i’m about to watch- trying to decide if I should catch up on a show or continue watching thelma.

55. waiting for- inspiration/muse. writer’s block sucks ass. 

56. want- self-esteem and/or money, I’m not picky. 

57. get married- maybe? I mean, it’d be kinda nice, but I’m not fixated on it. if my s.o. wants it too, then sure! 

58. career- I’m a translator but I’m having my midlife crisis at 23 and I’d love to be something else like idk, a film director? a screenwriter? dana scully? can I be dana scully please.

Which is better

59. hugs or kisses- hugs.

60. lips or eyes- hmmm, eyes? maybe? [both_is_good.gif]

62. younger or older- you mean which one I prefer? makes no difference to me, I think? [both is good intensifies]

63. nice arms or stomach- uhhh, idk kkfdkdgjdkk stomach I guess?

64. hookup or relationship- relationship. but hey, whatever rocks your boat.

65. troublemaker or hesitant- these are so widly different, I can’t pick one ???

Have you ever

66. kissed a stranger- nope.

67. drank hard liquor- nope.

68. lost glasses- nope. I mean, I may have lost sunglasses? but it was one time, iirc.

69. turned someone down- yep. but I mean, drunk people at parties doesn’t count, I don’t think?

70. sex on first date- nope. 

71. broken someones heart- I think I did, sort of.. I was in such a bad place that I walked away but she may have been way more into me than I thought at first.

72. had your heart broken- lil bit but nothing I couldn’t survive after months of moping around.

73. been arrested- nope.

74. cried when someone died- yup. 

75. fallen for a friend- I mean, who hasn’t lol I had the biggest and gayest crush on a friend from school and to this day I haven’t told her (but I think she knew, I was pretty obvious - and dumb). 

Do you believe in

76. yourself- nope. working on it, tho! 

77. miracles- kinda? I mean, I do believe unexplainable things can happen, I just don’t think it’s thanks to a higher power.

78. love at first sight- nope. attraction at first sight, however... I’ve been there.

79. santa claus- kfsdgkfnfh lol no.

80. kiss on a first date- if both are willing, why not?

81. angels- nope. but I like the idea.

other

82. best friends name- jenny! bruna and dani would probably skin me alive if I didn’t mention them so yeah, them too.

83. eye colour- light brown/honey.

84. fave movie- chicago!!!!!!!!!!! and the babadook, and captain fantastic, and le fabuleux destin d’amélie poulain.

85. fave actor- I’m going with gillian anderson these days but I really like viggo mortensen, christina ricci, and amanda abbington too! <3

tagging @i-am-ghost-proof-baby​, @thatmademadej​, @ghoulboi​, @heytheredemyons​, @yaboibergara​, and whoever wants to do it! (it’s fine if you don’t, tho.)