#it was a complete accident but that's just her i cannot change this
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Some new OCs with cars to complete the set I made in 2019!
Explanations under the cut.
Young Hyden - 1975 Lamborghini Countach
He would want some sort of luxury sports car. I mean, he'd have to have one. What else could he possibly drive but something loud, flashy, expensive, and oozing with ego and sex appeal?
He couldn't decide between "Cocaine Binge" orange or "Satanic Panic" black so he bought one of each. He alternates between them while the other is in the shop due to either the consequences of his own bad driving or general luxury car malaise.
Unfortunately, the Countach is three and a half feet tall while Hyden is just over seven feet tall. Even with custom seats to accommodate his height, it's not a comfortable driving experience. Luckily for him, the choice to give up his stupid sports cars to spare his aching knees is made for him when he totals one of them in a particularly bad accident and gets his license suspended.
Old Hyden - 1994 Bentley Dominator
It's now the mid 90s and Hyden is older, fatter, and more arthritic. Pickings are pretty slim for a rich man who simply does not fit in a small vehicle. I mean, there are options, but not a lot among the luxury brands, which means those options might as well not exist at all. The SUV boom was still in its infancy and the Bentley Bentayga and Rolls-Royce Cullinan, two other cars I considered for him, would not exist for another decade or a few.
In 1994, in the real world, Bentley made six huge gas-guzzling bricks for the Sultan of Brunei. These luxury car-slabs cost £3,000,000 a pop. In my fictional OC world, Hyden has #7. Or at least would have a similar custom luxury SUV with a similar price tag.
He no longer drives, citing his growing list of illnesses as the reason (No mention of his suspended license). Other drivers on the road breathe a sigh of relief. Of course, that's what chauffeurs are for.
Alternate car: This funny little bunny car toy I bought. Isn't it great?
Alex & Ridge - 1996 Ural Tourist
Instead of a car, Alex gets a motorcycle to symbolize her death wish… and also for other reasons, but that's the main reason.
A practical old thing. It's broken down a million times but she and Ridge always manage to revive it. She appreciates its ability to determinedly haul ass through rugged terrain and the fact that she can carry stuff using the sidecar. Ridge appreciates that sometimes he is the thing that gets carried around in the side car. He is also responsible for the shark face on it. :o)
…He drives it too, of course. He's a perfectly good, reasonable driver. Alex is just kind of a control freak about it. She is one of those people who grits her teeth and presses her foot into the passenger seat floor any time she's riding shotgun. It's easier to just let her be the driver.
They bought it together and drive it all over Europe doing whatever odd shady jobs they do in a modern setting. Alex craves one of those snazzy hyper-durable Japanese motorcycles, but cannot afford one. Maybe someday… Ridge isn't so sure about that kind of change. The bike still works as long as you fix it constantly, so what’s the problem? Plus, he'd be sad to see the shark face go.
#cars#cartoon art#oc art#my ocs#young hyden#hyden#alex#ridge#human#again these are for fun/practice and heavy reffed from photos#I do not know if anyone cares about that in 2024 but the part of me that was raised in the aughts feels the need to mention that
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Once I finish this second semester my mom will buy me two (2) frogs. Only issue how do I look the frog lady in the eye because she may ask what happened to my other frogs
#and I don’t want her to think I’m a bad person#I mean like. accidents happen. she’s killed reptiles/amphibians too#but man I just feel awful#my tank is completely changed so what happened cannot happen ever again. but still
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THREE YEARS SINCE NOV 5TH, 2020 as summed up by Supernatural (sequel to this and this)
image ID & context below:
[image ID: screenshots of Supernatural paired with screenshots of various tweets, news headlines and Tumblr posts.
A screenshot of Ed and Harry in SPN 3x13 Ghostfacers saying "You gotta be gay for that poor dead intern" with a screenshot of Misha Collins at the SPNNJ 2023 convention saying "I got a call from Warner Bros and they were like hey uh...is there any world you just let it go?" This is in reference to an incident in 2022 where Misha accidentally made headlines after a comment that seemed to be referring to his sexuality. His comments at this year's panel imply that the studio in fact did not want him to retract the comment and make the apology that he posted, but to instead just roll with it.
A screenshot of Bobby saying "Time travel?" and Dean saying "Yeah" in SPN 6x18 with a headline that says "Jensen Ackles' Explains The Winchester's Multiverse Twist & Supernatural Connection." This is about the series finale of Jensen's Supernatural spinoff "The Winchesters", in which it is revealed Dean and the Impala somehow traveled the multiverse to the alternate timeline the show takes place in.
A screenshot of Dean in SPN 15x08 saying "He's back, and he's out of control" with a screenshot of Misha Collin's first Tumblr post in seven years, a video with him and his brother being a public nuisance on public transportation. Also included are screenshots of various Tumblr users reacting with tags from various tumblr users. becauseofthebowties: "mishacollinsofficial tumblr account back from the dead???" myboobsarentsentientbeings: "this is the first thing he posts? after nearly 7 years???" casismybestfriend: "RED FUCKING ALERT MISHA IS BACK ON TUMBLR" cannabiscasgate: "who the fuck gave you back your password"
A screenshot of two news anchors in SPN 14x20, with one (named Jack) telling his co-host "I love you" and her replying "Jack?" with screenshots of the Destiel/Supernatural Confession meme trending multiple times this year with other current events topics like Russia, Titanic, etc. There is also a screenshot of a post by saintedcastiel that says "I cannot believe that since we started using the destiel meme as a breaking news alert that there hasn't been ONE destiel news anchor AU fic where they're co-anchors on the morning news. cas confessed on accident while they're on air and dean doesn't know how to respond so he just reads the next thing on the teleprompter."
A screenshot of Dean in SPN 5x14 as Cupid says "I-I was just following orders" with a screenshot of an anonymous Tumblr ask to user luxshine. The ask says "Hey! I was wondering if you have any updates on the LATAM dub situation and if you were/will able to contact the dub director". luxshine says "Hi! Well I could get the translator (you know, our dear rogue translator) and he told me that while he doesn't remember it completely (because he translates a lot of series) if Dean said "And I you" it's because the script he got said "And" I you" and the video he saw said "And I you" because he doesn't add stuff." This is in reference to a change in Spanish LATAM dub of Castiel's confession SPN 15x18, which added a line where Dean reciprocates, which was previously suspected to be a change added by the LATAM dubbing director or translator
A screenshot of a detective from SPN 8x08 saying, "[Chuckles] Whatever you say Scully" with a screenshot of the tumble blr blog ao3topshipsbracket's poll "AO3 Top Relationships Bracket - Round 2 Side 1" with Fox Mulder/Dana Scully (The X-Files) vs. Castiel/Dean Winchester (Supernatural.) In the final results from 51,514 votes, Mulder/Scully won by 53% and Castiel/Dean won by 47%. In early 2023, Tumblr added a polls feature which has led to numerous content, debates, and bracket polls similar to this.
A screenshot from SPN 11x15 where Dean says "No money, no glory" with a headline that says "Supernatural creator Eric Kripke gets 'zero' residuals from Netflix"
A screenshot of Dean rising from his grave in SPN 4x01 with a screenshot of a post from the official CW Supernatural Instagram with a clip from the pilot episode and the caption "And the story continues..." and a comment from a user that says "THE STORY CONTINUES?? WTF ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US?? I HAVE ANXIETY YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME." For context, no one is sure if the post was supposed to reference new content from Supernatural or not but it has led to speculation.
A screenshot of SPN 8x01, with the onscreen lyric "Another year has passed me by."
#almost thought there wouldn't be enough for a year three post but here we are once again#destiel#spn#supernatural#nov 5th#november 5th#destiel anniversary#destiel confession meme#destiel news#deancas#nov5thposting#ntjdmakesthings
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Was Athena a Feminist or a Female Misogynist?
Athena is perhaps the one most famous goddesses from Greek Mythology, and was for a very long time considered a good role model for women and a feminist due to the fact that she's a smart woman who can fight in battles. However, there are also a lot of people who claim that she is in fact a female misogynist and consider her to be the original "pick-me girl" or "I'm not like the other girls" girl. And the fact that she's seen besides male heroes most of the time or the myths of Medusa and Arachne doesn’t make this situation any better.
And the very first problem in this equation is that people are using a lot of modern terms (and a modern mentality in general) in order to label a figure that was firstly mentioned thousands of years ago. So there's a LOT to unpack here.
The first mentions of Athena come from mycenaean mythology. Back then the place that later became Athens surpringly had a matriarchal view on society, which would explain why Athena as a female figures isn't depicted in a traditionally feminine way. But years have passed, and things have changed a lot both socially and culturally. Athens, despite of being one of the most developed cities from Ancient Greece, had a very patriarchal view on society, to the point where even the other cities considered it to over exaggerate. In order to understand just how misogynistic athenians were, they believed not only that the woman is a disfigured version of the man, but that men could find a way to reproduce themselves without the help of women and that the female is nothing but a vessel when it comes to reproduction.
The thing is that, while a lot of things changed in the Athens in time, the goddess that was the patron of that city remained the same. So the question that naturally comes is: If women are inferior to men, then why is our patron deity a goddess? And so, the only play which specifically depicts Athena as a female misogynist appeared: Eumenides. This play was obviously written by a male Athenian, and its pure intention is to answer to that question. In the Eumenides, Athena says this thing:
It is my duty to give the final judgment and I shall cast my vote for Orestes. [735] For there was no mother who gave me birth; and in all things, except for marriage, whole-heartedly I am for the male and entirely on the father’s side. Therefore, I will not award greater honor to the death of a woman who killed her husband, the master of the house. [740] Orestes wins, even if the vote comes out equal.
As you can observe from this quote, the dialogue is ment to confirm the ancient athenian perspective about reproduction, as well as their views on women in general. Despite the fact that Metis was supposed to be Athena's mother since she was pregnant with her when Zeus ate her, in this play she is completely erased and Athena has one single parent figure: Zeus.
In other words, Athena was clearly a product of the society that worpshipped her; a society that believed that traits such as high intellect or strenght cannot be attributed to women. It is up to you guys to decide wheter the Eumenides is canon to the rest of Greek Mythology or not.
However, aside from this particular play, Athena shows no ill-will towards women purely for their gender. She had a very close relationship with Pallas to the point where she even takes her name after she killed her by accident (Thank you, Zeus!), and acted as the big sis towards Artemis and Persephone, as it is suggested in Homeric Hymns to Demeter.
Furthermore, if you ever read the Iliad then you would observe that her interactions with mortal women are very different compared to those with Medusa or Arachne from Roman Mythology.
In the Iliad, Athena gifts Penelope in handicrafts, wiles, and storytelling, making Penelope an anti-Arachne due to the fact that she isn't punished by the goddess for her talents, but rather blessed for them.
Athena has endowed her above other women with knowledge of fair handiwork and an understanding heart, and wiles, such as we have never yet heard that any even of the women of old knew, of those who long ago were fair-tressed Achaean women— [120] Tyro and Alcmene and Mycene of the fair crown—of whom not one was like Penelope in shrewd device…
At the same time, we have the story of Cassandra and how Athena avenged her. Cassandra was brutally raped by Ajax the Lesser in her temple. She asked Athena for revenge, telling her what happened to her. Athena was absolutely livid, sent a storm to wreck the Achaeans' boats when they failed to kill Ajax, then destroyed his ship near the Whirling Rocks and left him to die, or lifted him in the sky during a storm and impaled him with her father's thunderbolt. At this point, Cassandra is an anti-Medusa, because she was avenged instead of being punished for being raped. Furthermore, in the original greek myths Athena herself was about to be raped by Hephaestus at some point. She was very aware of the fact that there's a difference between a woman who had sex on her own will and one that didn’t consent to it, so it makes no sense why she wouldn't help a rape victim.
Medusa and Arachne were later additions by Ovid, and their stories were anti-Authority Propaganda.
So instead of quickly coming to any sort of conclusion and deciding wheter or not Athena was a Feminist or a Misogynist, perhaps people should understand the fact that the situation was way more complicated as she was nothing more than a character that was depicted both according to the societal and personal views ancient greeks had on women (which were more or less different depending on the century and the poet), and that the answer is way more complicated than we think.
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Themed Rec List | 16 Sex Work Tomarrymort Recs 🍑💸
After coming across a couple of sexy amazing stripper/camboy/sex worker Tomarry fics recently, I went looking for more fics along this theme 🤍 See below for a list of recs for all the other horny sickos out there who really enjoy reading about Tom or Harry leveraging their physical assets for pleasure or money or sometimes even reconnaissance, 8 of each:
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Sex Worker Tom
A Slice of Heaven by jellybeantarot (M, 3k, complete)
Tom is a sex worker under an agency that masks as a pizzeria, Harry orders a large sausage pizza, and yep, that's a dick in a pizza box.
After Class by osculatrix (E, 5k, complete)
Professor Potter discovers that her star student is a camstar, and what does she do? Jack off and give him money, that's what.
cam and get it by @swoontodeath (E, 3k, WIP)
Harry Potter isn't one for pornography. He's got a perfectly adequate imagination, thank you very much, not to mention a fully functional right hand. One accidental glimpse of Tom Riddle's arse, though, threatens to change everything.
champagne shimmer by @cindle-writes (E, 21k, complete)
Tom has one of the most popular accounts on OnlyFans. Harry, who is Tom’s uni professor, stumbles onto Tom’s stream by accident. Featuring: Spoiled brat Tom, and Harry trying to be as much of a gentleman as he can despite lusting after his barely-legal student.
Corruptible by @hiredhorse (E, 4k, WIP)
Harry Potter goes to Knockturn Alley for a prostitute, under a flawless glamour. When he sees a handsome young man outside the tavern infamous for picking up prostitutes, he hires him before he even asks his price. Tom Riddle isn’t really a prostitute, he was just making a delivery for his employer, Borgin & Burke’s. But Tom has never been one to miss an opportunity, and he sees Harry Potter for exactly who he is.
down to get the friction on by @xodahafez (E, 8k, complete)
Harry follows Tom to Albania, fully expecting to find him up to no good. What he wasn't expecting, however, was to find Tom Riddle dressed in lacy black lingerie, and better known as 'Voldamour.'
Oh my god, they were nemeses by Baryshnikov (T, 13k, WIP)
Tom starts an OnlyFans to recruit for his cult; Harry, his flatmate, has incredibly mixed feelings about it.
That's Money, Honey by @dividawrites, @duplicitywrites (E, 10k, complete)
Tom is a dear friend to many beautiful older women who love to treat him like their beloved son by spoiling him with presents. It is the perfect gateway to the perfect lifestyle—one full of frequent spa days, free holidays abroad, and all of the latest fashions. When Auror Harry Potter claims to be investigating Tom's 'inappropriate' relationships, Tom decides the best course of action is to instigate some 'inappropriate' behaviour of his own.
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Sex Worker Harry
Cam for the Money, Stayed for the Fun (part 1) / Cam and Get Me, Won't You Honey? (part 2) by @itsevanffs (E, 12k, complete)
Harry flushed, looking back down. 'Isn't this illegal, sir?' Professor Riddle smirked, leaning back on the couch. 'I'd beg to say what you do isn't very legal, either.'
Dark Adrenaline by @katsitting (E, 10k, complete)
Riddle was a snake—definitely. A conniving man that forced people into corners simply because he wanted to see if he could. He cared little for the feelings of others, using them just as he was using Harry to attract the attention of the political socialites in the Gala. Harry had suspected there was a far more hidden game at play when he had been in the hotel with him earlier, having caught that Riddle had set his machinations on him rather than on prominent figures in the hall. But how the bloody hell was he supposed to know it would end up like this?
Make Me An Offer I Cannot Refuse by lemonchase (E, 3k, complete)
“I’d like to hire you for a blowjob.” Harry nods slowly, ignoring his increasing heart rate. If he does a good job, Tom might become a regular customer, and Harry is always on the lookout for those. With how rich Tom allegedly is, he should be able to afford to pay Harry every other day. This is a chance he doesn’t get often.
Night Walker by @syntheticsoulmates (E, 3k, complete)
Harry knocked on the door only two minutes late. Which was an achievement for him. He had his smile fixed before the door even swung open. “You’re not who I ordered.” Ugh. Rude. Harry kept smiling, perfect. “No. Emergency substitution.” He looked down, traced the client up from the tips of his perfectly overshined leather loafers to the one ridiculous perfect curl falling over his forehead on the left side. He made it obvious, finished it up with a small bite on his lower lip. “You’re lucky enough to get me instead.”
Ride by @hiredhorse (E, 123k, WIP)
Harry lives with the Dursleys, but he has two best friends, a regular bunk at the Weasleys', and a bright future riding horses. It’s unclear whether crossing paths with Tom Riddle, super-rich kid and a skilled horseman himself, is good luck or bad. They crash together on the day they meet with a violent combination of mutual lust and personality conflicts. And yet somehow instead of hating each other they develop different feelings, no less intense.
Secrets of a Wixen Call Boy by @milkandmoon-ao3 (E, 12k, complete)
Echoing in the darkest recess of his mind, Harry heard Hermione lecture on his father complex. How, having never known his own father, he tended to fixate on older men... subsequently resulting in some pretty questionable romantic partners. Really, Harry couldn’t think of a good reason not to fuck or be fucked by them.
Shiver, Lustre, Skin by @monsieurclavier (M, 9k, WIP)
Harry goes undercover as a bargirl at one of Tom Riddle’s exclusive clubs. Tom has her figured out in approximately one second. Or: In which Tom is a badass Wizarding mob boss and an incorrigible lesbian flirt, and Harry—sassy newbie Auror and secret virgin—is just Tom’s type.
Twelve Weeks by @ohyondermemphis (M, 12k, WIP)
“Stand up.” Harry blinks, confused but immediately stands at the request. “Place your hands, flat, to the desk.” Indignation blooms bright in his cheeks, but he swallows, does as he’s told. Thinks with vitriol, prick. “See? Easy.” A bright smile, full white teeth. Riddle leans closer to Harry, his hand traces the curve of his face, the line of his jaw. Harry doesn’t blink. “I knew you could be a good boy.”
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Discovering Your Past - Eula & Keqing x Male!Reader
In which they find out you were abused by your ex.
CW: Mentions of past trauma - physical abuse and SA. Modern AU. A/N: My fics are getting longer recently. I wonder if you guys mind?
Injuries are a natural part of life.
A scraped knee, a concussion, a sprained or broken limb - all creatures will have to endure these hardships one way or another. And, as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Each wound leaves a scar, each fight or accident is a lesson for the future on what to do or avoid.
What about those on the other end? Most feel regret about hurting others, are forced to do it or are convinced of their actions' justified nature. Yet among those are some starkly different cases. People who enjoy causing pain, be it physical or mental. And, undoubtedly, she was one of them.
Fate had it that your heart longed for her. She was a beauty, benign and friendly, whose charms worked on you without fail. She pushed, she pulled, slowly dragging you into her web. Your mind was too clouded with feelings to notice just how badly she trapped you. Like a spider she wrapped you in silky touches and words of affection like in a cocoon, and you were completely oblivious to your situation. And that she was - an apex predator, an effortless liar and natural manipulator. She stoked the flames of family conflicts, estranging you from your loved ones. Friends? She gave you a simple choice - it's me or them. You were coaxed into signing off your house under her name, as she encouraged you to do with many of your belongings, until you had nothing. Time and time again she pulled your strings through your heart, backing you into a corner. Alone. Unable to escape. Without anyone to turn to, anywhere to get away.
When your eyes opened at last, nobody was there to hear you scream.
Years. It took you two whole years to escape her clutches, two years of cruelty hidden behind a veil of love. With only the clothes on your back and some Mora in your pocket, you set off to another nation. There, you found a new home, and a new love. Sweet, caring and warm.
But wounds of the past cannot be hidden forever.
You push the door behind you, closing it with an accidently loud thud. Eula kicks off her high heels and enters the hall, placing down her bag and taking her jacket off. You put yours on the hanger and move to take hers, but she sends you a sharp look and walks past you, doing it herself.
The silence is tense. You know what you did.
“Honey, listen. I know I shouldn't have started that discussion-” You try to speak, but she turns around and cuts you off.
“Yes, you shouldn't have.”
Her eyes send daggers towards you. Your heart aches at the sight of your lover so full of anger, all because of you. Her family wasn't easy to interact with. Her choice of career made her the pariah of the line, but after she married you, the relations seemingly normalized enough to make them liveable. Seemingly.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn't have. I mustn't do that ever again. I promise I won't.” You raise your open hands, as if showing you're unarmed. What was supposed to calm her down just irritates her.
She scoffs and approaches you. “I say you are an intelligent man, but times like these are when I doubt it. What's so hard to understand in ‘my family isn't normal and the less you interact with them the better’?”
She's right. Eula has told you time and time again that the opinions her father, mother, grandparents, uncles and aunts hold are final. Nothing will change them, they won't ever back down. They are egomaniacal with a tendency to bring those around them down to elevate themselves. And yet, there's something drawing you to them, something natural that tells you that they can be a source of warmth.
Because that's how things are supposed to be. A family should love each other, be united and supportive instead of polarized and hateful. Something in your soul doesn't seem to understand that you can't find any support in her side of the family.
“I know, Eula. I try to-”
“Then your ‘trying’ is not enough!” Her voice elevates further. There is something building in your chest. The pressure crawls from your heart up through your throat, rotting itself inside your neck. A choking feeling.
“Y/N, you shouldn't talk to them! Never, ever. You know how it ends, don't you? They bring you down, they hurt and belittle you. And you know that, don't you?”
Her eyes are narrowed. She speaks louder now, her words coming from a place of compassion and love rather than hostility. Your mind, however, is focused on something else.
Something familiar.
Her tone picks up, and so does your heartbeat. She's almost screaming now.
“Sorry, dear, but are you masochistic? Or just stupid?! I will have vengeance!”
Your hyper focused eyes spot movement. Her hand goes upwards, your chest sinking. Body stiffening, you turn your head down and sideways, exposing your cheek.
Just as she taught you.
Fighting back was pointless.
You deserve it.
You hold your breath.
Silence.
The blow doesn't connect. You hear the sounds of a barefoot step. You crack your eyes open. You see Eula has taken a step back, her eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. She blinks a few times and pulls her hand back towards her body.
“Not t-that kind of vengeance.” Eula barely mumbles the words out in pure confusion. She shakes her head in disbelief, her gaze leaving you and dropping to the floor. “Never. I w-would never-”
You spring back to life, as if a grave threat or danger just vanished.
“No no no, it's alright, honey. I just got a little scared of you, haha. It's fine, really!” You smile sheepishly, shame crawling under your skin. On reflex or out of habit, you rub your cheek. “Maybe I really am stupid, for being scared and all, you know?”
She takes a slow step closer. Her voice is far quieter than mere seconds ago, now down from a scream to a whisper.
“No. Don't call yourself that. My… My emotions got the better of me, honey. I’m sorry.” Eula’s voice composes, worry furrowing her brow as she stretches out her arm towards you, this time taking care to do it slowly. “May I…?”
You smile and nod, letting the palm of her hand connect to your cheek. Her touch is gentle, fingers tracing your skin with utmost care.
Your skin is so soft, so smooth, familiar. Her heart clenches, her mind holding no doubt about your reaction. You are not someone easily scared, nor are you particularly fearful of harm. Something, somebody…
“Who was it?” Her hand trails down smoothly, coming to rest on your shoulder. “Who hurt you?”
You shake your head. “What? What do you mean? Nobody, I’m fine-”
“I said…” She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. “... who hurt you?”
At an instant, the thoughts in your mind already form into a rebuttal, a measly attempt to cover the truth. But you know better than that. Eula isn't that stupid.
You sigh, trying to figure out what to say. Seeing your hesitation, she places both of her arms on your shoulders, her eyes focusing on yours. Within her beautiful irises fading from deep purple to light yellow you find a steadiness worthy of a captain, but also a lover.
“You don't have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable, honey.” She speaks softly, stroking your skin in calming circles. “I just need to know if justice has been served, or some additional, very particular and very severe vengeance needs to be added to my to-do list.”
“My ex-girlfriend is… She’s no longer a threat, alright?” You close the distance between you and Eula and embrace her. Your lover secures her arms around you right away, providing you with just the comfort you seek. “I just don’t want to go back to those days. They’re over and I just want to focus on you… On somebody that actually loves me. Somebody that doesn’t scream at me for no reason, belittles and insults me, and…”
Your voice trails off. Images and sensations rush through your memory. Every insult, every impact weighs on your voice, trapping it beneath the torrent of nightmarish memories. Eua squeezes you tighter.
“Shh. Don’t think about it now, sweetie. You're here, safe in my arms. I promise to be your shield. However…”
Eula's characteristic pout forms on her face.
“For not telling me about this, I will have vengeance.”
“That was a little shameful for me-” She cuts you off.
“Silence. My retribution is nigh. For your transgression, I shall cuddle you and feed you ice cream while subjecting you to the terror of your favorite movie.” She narrows her eyes theatrically before gently, but firmly grabbing a hold of your wrist. “You cannot escape now.”
You smile in horror.
The screen flashes with a jump scare as a curtain is moved aside. A disfigured monstrosity covered in black goo and rags opens its jaw to reveal a set of sharp, but surprisingly pristine teeth.
“Brains!” Its voice is clearly augmented in some way, deep and a little echoing.
The punk screams at this sight but before he can do anything, the zombie grabs his head with its skeletal hands and bites down. The rest of the group squeals. The man's head is cracked open like an egg, filling the undead's mouth with fake blood and flesh-like props.
“Oh my…” Keqing can't help but gasp a little, her arms tightening around your chest slightly. “That's a lot of jaw force…”
As the zombie digs into the man's brain, a joke comes to your mind.
“He's not going to extract a lot of brain from him, is he?”
In response, Keqing chuckles a little. “Yeah. But at least he is also quite brave. If not for him, that girl would have been the meal instead.”
“True, true.”
The movie continues. The female lead escapes the locker she was trapped in moments ago as her friend is being devoured. Another character throws an empty bucket of paint at the creature, making it fall back, before raising up and exclaiming joyously:
“More brains!”
The kids scream and run away. Keqing, as much as she finds the movie interesting, can't help but recall one scene in particular.
A smirk settles on her delicate features. “So… How's the movie? Do you like it?”
You nod vigorously. “Of course! It's a classic that I wanted to watch for a long time now, but never got around to that. And I can confidently say that I regret not watching it earlier. It's a lot of fun.”
Keqing hums in understanding. Her fingers, one of them brandishing a beautiful and intricate golden ring, slowly move up onto your leg.
“Did you enjoy any scene in particular, honey?” Your eyes follow her hand as it moves up, each finger making a slow, deliberate step.
Just a glance at her slight blush and sly smirk is enough to make you catch on, making your cheeks heat up as well. You gulp.
“Well…” You start, but Keqing places a finger on your lips, silencing you.
“Aw, sweetie~ I know full well how you were eyeing that girl. Your thoughts were betrayed by much more than just your stare.”
Her hands move up, sliding underneath your shirt and caressing your exposed chest. You feel her desire through her movements, careful, seductive, yet impatient at the same time. A little shiver of excitement crawls through your body.
“Honestly, Y/N, I can't blame you. That redhead was quite a beauty, after all. ”
Her hands clench over your body as she rolls to sit on your lap, her eyes, twinkling with desire, pointed right at you. Keqing sends you a wink. Your hands settle on her buttocks.
“But you see, my dear, you got me just a little too jealous to resist showing this handsome guy which girl his attention should be on~” Her hands shift to meet yours, fingers wrapping around your wrists. “So relax and let me have the spotlight~”
Your eyes widen as she hoists your arms off her and pins them to the wall above your head. You try to struggle away, but her grip is iron thanks to the additional strength provided by her Vision. An attempt to release your body from underneath hers fails as well. You're nervous - this never happened before.
“Keqing, you're-” You start to say, but are interrupted by her right hand locking onto your throat.
Your hands clench, eyes growing wide. You choke, any words of protest dying in your restricted windpipe. You look at Keqing, who smiles mischievously, completely oblivious to your discomfort.
“What did I say? Bad boy!” She uses her other hand to pry yours off her choking arm. You relent, shocked and increasingly scared at her sudden roughness. “Now stay still, or you'll regret it~”
Tears form in your eyes as she leans and begins kissing and licking your cheek, adding small bites here and there. You close your eyes, not wanting to see what happens next. The feeling of her genuine affection recalls different images in your mind. The past and the present melt into one in your mind.
As you lay helpless, Keqing continues loving you until her tongue hits an unusual note of salt on your skin. She pulls back and, upon seeing you crying, lets go of you right away. Her hands go to cover her mouth in an expression of pure horror.
“I’m sorry! I’m… Oh Gods, I didn't mean to-!”
You squirm away and, in response, Keqing jumps off of you. She reaches towards you, but ultimately stops herself. Shame, guilt and sadness light up her face, hidden behind her small hands.
You wipe your eyes with your sleeve. By now your senses have returned. Her reaction brought you back at an instant. You get up and approach her.
“Keqing, I'm sorry, nothing-”
You're interrupted as she dashes past you. You can only call out to her as she runs to the bathroom and slams the door behind her. The sound of a lock turning halts your movements.
You sigh and drop back down on the couch. The movie is still playing. Your ears pick up the sounds of soft sobbing from behind the bathroom doors. The heart tells you to get up, to talk to her, to knock down the door if need be, but the brain speaks with reason. She needs time, and you know it. It's better to let her calm down on her own. If you were to approach her now, she likely wouldn't speak to you, let alone open the door.
Tears return to the corners of your eyes. Your heart aches at the sound of her pain. You can tell what she's thinking. That she's awful, dangerous, creepy, abusive. That it's all her fault.
But the truth? She's not the problem. You are.
The TV's noise irritates you. You turn it off and throw the remote across the room. Your head falls into your hands.
How could you have done this to her?
Why can't you just let go?
Why are you so weak?
A shaky sentence manages to make its way out of your lips.
“It's all my fault.”
—
Deafening silence was all that filled the following hour when her crying died down. You went through every possibility of what would happen when the bathroom door would open. You planned what to tell her and how, you anticipated all of her possible reactions. You knew you couldn't fail again. You couldn't leave her in the dark and risk another incident like this.
She shouldn't suffer because of me, you thought. It was your obligation to be transparent with your wife. Not like you weren't dying to apologize, to comfort her, to let her know it isn't her fault. But you were patient.
When the door finally opened, Keqing looked abysmal. Her make-up was completely gone, first made running with tears, then washed away along with them. Her hair was a mess, not a trace of her usual prim and proper style left. Her eyes were red and barely open.
You spoke gently. You hugged her, asking for a chance to explain yourself. She nodded wordlessly and you sat with her by the table. There, you told her everything. You told Keqing about your previous partner and about exactly what you suffered at her hands. Your wife was very quiet, but still nodded every now and then. From the shakiness of her voice when she spoke the few words in your conversation, you could tell she was stopping herself from bursting into tears again. Nonetheless, you continued until the story was told.
“As such, Keqing, my wife, my love, the sun to my moon, none of what happened is your fault.” You continue, following the script you prepared in your mind. “It was my weakness and my inability to move on that caused all of this in the first place. For that, I’m… sorry. I truly am.”
She nods. Her eyes are focused on her hands, fingers fiddling with each other. Keqing slowly lifts her eyes to meet yours. You spot tears gathering on her features.
“Why… I don't understand…” She starts, but upon realizing her instability, she sniffles and swallows the sadness weighing on her chest. “Why would you ever say that you're weak?”
You sigh. “I should have moved on by now, but instead, I kept it with myself and now it hurt you as well. It is my pain and thus my responsibility to handle it.”
“No, n-no that's… How… How could someone such as you be weak?” She shakes her head. “You survived so much. So much pain, so much fear, so much hurt… And yet here you are, Y/N. Not only trusting another woman, a woman whom you not only married, but also allowed into your bed. I can't imagine myself doing something like that so quickly. You've moved on, honey. You regained the strength to trust and to love again. How can this be called anything but strong?”
You open your mouth to challenge her on this, but she acts first.
Keqing breaches the gap between you and falls into your arms. Her body wraps around yours, holding onto you tightly. One of her hands travels to your cheek.
“Y/N, you're strong. For having endured it, for having moved on, trusted again.”
You drop your gaze. Perhaps she is right. Keqing gently lifts your cheek to direct your attention back at her. She smiles, her tearful eyes shining with boundless affection.
“You're the strongest man I've ever known.”
Thanks for reading!
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𓆩☆𓆪 | 𝙾𝙵𝙵𝙸𝙲𝙴𝚁 ⸺ ⚞ 𝙴𝚁𝙴𝙽 𝙹𝙰𝙴𝙶𝙴𝚁 ⚟
⸻ synopsis ⫸ despite working together for a long time, eren and yourself cannot be in a room together, too bad the two of you are stuck at the office late at night.
⸻ warnings ⫸ sm*t. minors do not interact. p*rn with plot. part iii of the gold rush anthology. frenemies. coworkers. secretary!reader. officer!eren. eren calls you angel in this. slight-pervert!eren. erwin is your boss. female reader. afab reader. black-coded reader. reciprocal jealousy. mikasa and connie are in this but have no major significance. slight hate sex. storage room sex. mating-press position, regular and reverse cow-girl position. eren and reader are both in their early twenties as well. hickeys. you may or may not get pinned to the floor. they fight a lot for dominance as well.
⸻ writer's notes ⫸ currently my second longest fic to date, nothing has yet to top my choso one but yeah, yeah I know… this is late asf… I made the last part in may and it's currently july...but in my defense, I was dealing with bad Miguel brainrot! But hope you enjoy this, and to that Anon… HERE! Damn 😭 next is Jean, Armin and finally Zeke!
⸻ word count ⫸ 7.4k
previous part in the anthology | masterlist | next part in the anthology
A change in life, a change in pace was what your mother called it the moment you had moved out here.
It was completely different from what you were expecting of course. "Being born with a silver spoon in their mouth," is what many would have called you. Your father was a rich man from the city, and so you had once wanted for naught, believing every single word that fell from your father’s mouth. Surrounded by the shiny things, expensive items, balls, and parties, the “oohs and wows” of your friends. You believed that your life would continue down that familiar, wealthy path you believed your father had laid out for you.
At least that’s what you thought until you suddenly found yourself being whisked away by your mother in the middle of the night, bags barely packed. She was hysterical, unable to say full words to you as she basically shoved you into a carriage along with your bags. Sixteen, and dressed in a barely thin nightgown, the night was cold, the wind blowing very harshly as The two of you rode into the heavenly midnight. Your body, still heavy with sleep, could barely keep up with the hysterical babblings your mother was making. She wouldn't answer all your questions, all you knew before sleep overtook you once more, was something about your father.
Later, you learned your father had effectively abandoned the two of you, moving his new, younger family into the place you had once called home.
Your mother’s family was once from the country, a decent-sized farm town called Paradisia. They all moved to the city when your grandfather struck gold and became a very rich man. Unfortunately, he was also a fervent gambler and drinker and effectively had given and drank away the money he was supposed to use to sustain his family. It caused your mother to be pushed into your father’s arms and yet, all it did was bring back to the place she was born, but a place she never knew. Soon that’s where you found yourself, in the house her family had left behind. The two of you didn't adjust well, your father had paralyzed the two of you, made you used to having your every mood and need to be picked apart and waited on by others.
It was hard, and your mother's accident didn't make things better. Someone, who we later learned was someone who had a rise against your grandfather, still remembering your mother after all these years. They had pushed her into the road, just as a horse was racing through the path. Everyone said she was lucky to have lived after such a tragedy. She, however, was bedridden, and all the housework, along with bills and other things that needed to be paid soon fell on you.
You needed a job, and you were lucky to have met Erwin, the town’s sheriff, who was also the responding officer to follow up after your mother’s brush stroke with death. He needed a secretary for the sheriff’s office, someone to file papers and file out extra reports, to conduct budget plans and present them to the mayor. Luckily, you were decent with papers and organization, for the most part, everything else you learned on the go. It was good pay, amazing pay even, just enough to get the fancy medicines from the pharmacy for your mother’s chronic back pain as well as pay all the bills. It was a win-win, and most of your co-workers, officers working underneath Erwin as well, were very nice to you, most of them at least.
You pushed open the door, walking into the almost bare office. It had been like this for a matter of weeks, this town was not very much riddled with crime. However, the recent bandits and break-ins have put everyone on edge. Many of the officers were mostly out on patrol, as the recent bandit problem became a top and main priority for the town. There were only a few around, walking around papers in hand, possibly discussing one of many cases happening around the town. You waved and greeted a few, as you made your way to your desk right near the front door.
“Only five minutes late angel… a new record.”
You nearly stopped in your tracks, pushing down the red-hot feeling of annoyance that rose the moment you heard his voice. Glancing over, you made eye contact with deep olive-green eyes gleaming with a jeering look. He was leaning back against his desk, legs raised up, wearing the same uniform many of the officers wore during their shifts. His hair was pulled back in its usual bun, hands clasped together on his stomach as he eyed you, watching you swing yourself around into your chair and desk, lacing your bag right beside you on the floor.
You sighed, pushing yourself underneath the desk, “shut up Jaeger, no one asked for your opinion.”
“Lucky Erwin isn’t in right now, he’d be disappointed that you were late again.”
“Just like he was disappointed when he found out I did the Kirstein report instead of you? Oh yeah, real disappointed.” You mused, sending a small smirk over to him.
He rolled his eyes, “yeah whatever, laugh it up.” he mumbled out, “got me stuck on this desk for the next week that’s for sure.”
You rolled your eyes, still unable to hold back your smirk, “should have actually done the report then Jaeger.”
You could hear him mumble under his breath but he soon quieted down, allowing you to focus on the piles of papers Erwin and other officers around must have put on your desk for you to continue working on. The silence rang in your ears but it was nothing you weren’t used to by now, usually the office was bustling with different walks of people, people with complaints, and petty drama that entails the slow life of the country. Neighborly feuds, and whatnot, but now it was empty, everyone putting their efforts out there—
“How do you even do this?”
Your thoughts were soon cut by that familiar deep voice, inhaling sharply as your eyes turned towards him. He was no longer leaning back, instead, a paper in his hands lifted towards the light illuminating the open windows.
“Jaeger. Shut up.”
He leaned back up, narrowing his eyes at you, “How are you even able to do all of this? How many of these do you even do in a day?”
You sighed, lifting your head back up to fully look at him, “way more than yours Jaeger, now get to it.”
He groaned again, before focusing on the papers once more, as well as picking up his pen. You couldn’t lie, the pile of your work on your desk definitely felt thinner than usual, glancing over at the struggling cop currently typing letter-by-letter whilst glancing at a packet of sheets on his desk.
As you worked, your mind faded, paying attention to your work but your mind also ran through errands you needed to complete either today or sometimes this week. Picking up mom’s medicine, there’s been a shortage and you really need to stock, she’s miserable without it. As well as grocery shopping, cleaning the house, laundry, and pre-cooking lunch for your mother.
Every so often, you would hear Ere complaints, his “woe is me” as he flipped through the stapled stacks. You finished your own pile a few hours later, the day creeping into the afternoon, your lunch break in a couple of hours. Unable to hold yourself back as you snuck glances over at the struggling brunette situated in his chair. His desk was still stacked with papers, with his long hair no longer in the sleek bun he always came in with. His eyes were wracked with frustration. You glanced over at your-now clean desk, before glancing over at the clock once more.
With a heavy resolve, you stood up, before walking over to his desk. Eren, eyes shot with exasperation, only glanced up at you as you held your hand out towards him.
“Give me half, Jaeger '' you compromised, gesturing for him to hurry up.
He narrowed his eyes at you, “last time I did that, I got stuck with this pile.”
You rolled your eyes, “yeah and it’s painful to watch you agonize over this, my brain’s hurting from watching you.”
He scoffed, rolling his eyes, but his hands moved towards the piling, picking up one of the stacks before handing it over to you.
“You better not get me in trouble again, angel.”
“How many times do I gotta tell you not to call me that, Jaeger?”
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── ·
Nothing but the light of the window, along with the flickering light hanging above you, and the lantern Erwin graciously provided you right before your lunch break, surrounding you as you dug deep into the old storage room. He had finally mentioned this storage room after offhandedly bringing it up in conversations with you. The storage was reaching its peak, according to him, with files, transcripts, court documents, and papers from decades of cases, both solved and still cold to this day. With the recent expansions, the mayor wanted everything as organized as possible, and with the sheriff's office so overwhelmed with the recent events, it fell upon you to get the huge storage room in check.
Past your lunch break, with all your main work completed, you found yourself finally beginning to dig through the boxes of old reports and evidence from decades of cases over the years. The room was stacked high with old evidence boxes, almost reaching the ceiling. In hindsight, for a town of that size, it wasn’t as big as many would make it. This was a relatively safe community, but with this expansion, crime was inevitable. Sighted by the obvious thief problem running through the town. As people found it easier to live a country life than city life. People wanna slow down, and in turn, many people of different walks come through. However, longtime residents are very abhorrent against seeing new-dangled city folk coming in and messing up their ways of life.
Throwing out old, moldy evidence boxes and replacing them with fancy metal filing cabinets Erwin and the mayor had ordered. You sighed, before breaking out in a violent cough as dust suddenly entered your lungs.
“Oh I am so asking for a raise after this,” you mumbled angrily, as you dropped the box on the one free table in the room.
The sudden slam overwhelmed the already-breaking box, the flimsy cardboard bottom giving out, causing the files to spill out of the dusty-filled container. The sudden spread of dust caused you to break out into another coughing/sneezing. Cursing to yourself as you cover your nose, eyes watering as you navigate towards the box of tissues you brought with you. Once the dust and dirt dissipated, you continued on your journey, mumbling under your breath as you did so.
‘‘Fuck,” huff “this,” huff “shit!” You let out a final huff as you recognized the files.
On the table where you worked, mark the folders alphabetically before placing them in the piles you had made. You glanced at the small pile, before gazing over at the still-tall piles of boxes that you still need to get through. Once the files were out of the way, you turned around, sighing as you walked towards the stepladder, mind still overrun with anger as you stepped up to grab another box. In a fit of your anger, the moment you yanked one of the boxes off of the tall stack, you must have missed a step, heart dropping as you felt your foot hook onto nothing, feeling yourself beginning to slip.
Your mind was racing, fear overtaking and grappling you, as you felt your hands let go of the box, flailing, and reaching out to grab something. You let out a short shriek, closing your eyes as you braced for impact. However, all you felt was your body landing on something much more softer than the wooden floor. Opening your eyes, you found yourself staring into familiar deep-green olive eyes. Mouth was slightly agape, as your hands unusually wrapped around his shoulders and arms. Your breath quickened slightly as your heart continued to race.
“That was really close, angel.”
His voice snapped you out of your trance, relaxing where exactly you were.
“Let me go Jaeger,” you grunted out, squirming in his hold.
The taller man looked down on you, a slight mischievous smile appearing on his face, “nah, think I like you right here.”
“You are in eye-stabbing distance Jaeger, let me go.”
He hummed, still not letting you go down from his arms, “how about you thank me for catching you? Instead of acting like you got a stick up your ass all the time?”
You grumbled, looking away from him, “rather swallow glass than do that.”
Eren hummed, shrugging his shoulders, “guess you’re stuck here.”
As he said that, his grip on you tightened, his arms pressing you right against his uniform-clad body. Underneath the rough material, you could feel his abs pressing through. The longer you stayed in his arms, the more aware you became of his large hands wrapped around your arm and leg. You could feel his chest moving up and down beneath. Your hands were on top of his shoulders, as the two of you locked eyes.
However, the door suddenly flew open, surprising both of you. Eren’s, ever the graceful person he is, hands suddenly flew up and inadvertently dropped you onto the dusty, old, wooden floor. You landed with your loud thud, letting out a short shriek as your boss, Erwin Smith, popped his head into the room. The tall blonde glanced between the two of you.
“...Did I interrupt something?” He called out, seeing you wince, rubbing yourself on your back, trying to relieve the sudden sharp pain.
Eren let off a nervous giggle, beginning to bend down slightly to help you up, “Ah, no sheriff, nothing at all. Just helping her out with some things.”
The tall blonde man only hummed, glancing between the two of you once more, before looking around at the boxes and new filing cabinets in the room before looking back down at the two of you. He narrowed his eyes at the two of you, not saying a word before slowly backing out, closing the door. The light dimmed, the room once again being illuminated by the singular light and the lantern. Eren looked back down at you, his large hands beginning to wrap around your waist. However, you smacked his hands away, reaching out and using the table to push yourself up. Shuddering, leaning back against the table to catch your breath as parts of your back and butt throbbed with white-hot pain.
“So…”
You narrowed your eyes at him, “Get out Jaeger, before I murder you with this lamp.”
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── ·
The next day comes around, with you still organizing the storage room, and Eren still on desk duty, now taking on your pile of reports to do, while you were in the storage room, organizing the filing cabinet. According to Erwin, the reports had to be put into their respective new cabinets by the end of the week, as the mayor was coming to inspect them. With Eren still on desk duty, you had no choice but to delegate your tasks to the tan brunette, as Erwin, once again, literally trusted no one here but you to get these files into their new homes. Which most likely meant you would be stuck here overnight, continuously rummaging through these boxes. Erwin could only show off a face of pity as he gave you the task, luckily raising your pay to make up for the turmoil he was bringing upon you. Fortunately, you had a friend of your mom’s to help her for the next few days while you finished these tasks at work.
You felt your stomach twist, a loud rumbling sound echoing through the room, as you placed the file into the drawer before closing it. Reaching down you turned down the lantern until it dimmed out, before walking out of the room. Walking out of the room, wiping away the slight drip of sweat along your brow, pushing back the bandana you wrapped on top of your hair. You walked down the short hallway, on your way to your desk to head off for your break. You grabbed the bottle of water you had left on top of it, taking a sip as you glanced around the station a little more. There were a few more people in here than usual, ambling about. Your eyes couldn't help themselves as they gazed over to a certain brunette, watching him hunched over the desk, hair frenzied, but that wasn’t the only thing you saw. Standing right near him, hovering over his desk as well, was your other coworker. Mikasa, when it comes to strength within the station, was probably there, on par with Levi, and he didn’t officially work as a cop here. She and Eren go way back, his family taking her in and the two of them becoming officers at the same time. She was bent over the desk, their faces so close together as they spoke in low voices to each other.
You felt your heart constrict for a moment, but a voice pulled you out of your slight trance, turning your head as you made eye contact with gray eyes and a matching buzzcut. You finished your water bottle, screwing the top onto the empty bottle before placing it right on your desk.
“Connie? What’s up?”
When you first arrived in town, Connie was one of the first friends you’ve ever made, along with Jean, his wife, and Sasha. The four of you were basically inseparable all through your last two years of high school and would be the ones to help you out when your mother had her horrible accident.
Connie smiled before holding up a bag, a lunch bag, holding it out to you, “Mom made too much food, already dropped some off with Jean and his lil wife, and Sasha, though she almost took yours but thought you’d like the last of it.”
Your eyes widen, gracefully accepting the bag, and opening the folded top before the savory, rich smell of tomatoes, pasta, cheese, and spices hit your nose. It was a concoction you had smelled all before, memories of eating her lasagna after school whilst your mother was working her two jobs.
You squealed, “I haven't had her food in so long!” Your excitement overtook you, as you jumped towards Connie, wrapping your arms around him.
The man caught you easily twirling you around with laughter and a smile on your face. Neither of you didn’t notice both green and black eyes staring at the two of you, standing in the middle of the station. The two of you began to be wrapped up in your own conversation, walking away with Connie’s arm around you, towards the small break room in the back. Mikasa could only glance at Eren, his eyes glowering, and seeing the pen in his hand being squeezed to their death. The two of you were gone from his sight, but before she could focus him back on the papers, he stood up abruptly, mumbling something about taking his lunch break outside, before stomping out of the station.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
The same day but late at night. Barely anyone would stick around at the station, those on nighttime duty would usually go out and patrol, only coming in for small breaks. Even then, they would go to their own homes before they would come to the station to do that. So, there was no one at the station.
Well until now.
The pile of paper was less, but Eren still had a few more to get through, the light of his lamp illuminating his desk as he continued to scribble across them. Erwin was clear on these being done on his desk by morning, with a harsh glare on his face before he headed off for the night, his girl standing outside the station waiting for him. In the distance, he can hear muffled thuds, the sounds of boxes hitting the floor and being torn apart. Eren’s foot tapped faster as his mind slightly drifted to you, still stuck in the storage room, sorting everything that has happened in this sheriff's station. You were still sorting through everything, spending overtime to be able to get it all done for you in time. The pace of his foot quickened, and his mind slowly descended into shambles. He dropped the pen on the desk, leaning back with a loud groan as his mind faded back to this afternoon, the last time he really laid eyes upon you.
Glancing over at the small hallway leading to the storage/evidence room, Eren stood up, his chair scooting back abruptly. His heavy boots thudded against the floor as he made his way to the storage room. The door was slightly ajar, the sounds of papers being shuffled, boxes being ripped apart, and disgruntled huffs getting louder and louder. Eren stood outside the doorway, opening the door a little further, allowing his eyes to lock onto your figure, bent over as you picked up an overstuffed file. You wore a black skirt, paired with a short green top. His eyes could leave your form, watching as you slowly stood back up, walking towards the filing cabinet standing against the wall. He watched as your bottom and thighs moved with every step you took. You bent over once again, opening the drawer, before placing the file into the drawer.
Eren swallowed some spit, coating his dry throat as he felt his pants tighten up. His hand shifted down, adjusting his pants as best as he could to hide the growing hard-on, before raising a hand. With little resolve, he knocked on the door, inadvertently widening the cracked space. The slight knocking and the squeaking door caught you off-guard as you turned around, gasping a bit as you made eye contact with him. Luckily, you weren’t holding anything, as you would have probably dropped it as Eren entered the room, stalking closer to you. You couldn’t help the smirk that appeared on your face as you took in his disheveled appearance.
“Come for help, Jaeger?”
He shook his head, tilting his head as he looked over at you, “...I’m all good over here.” He lied, the pile of papers still hauntingly high on his desk.
“With all these heavy boxes, you might need some help. Wouldn't want you falling to your death, right?” His tone took on a more vexatious tone, bending down slightly to be face to face with you.
You narrowed your eyes at him, the two of you barely an inch apart from each other’s faces, your noses barely grazing each other. The smell of his forest green cologne hit your nose, with the after-smell of mint, you held back a shudder, your thighs unconsciously rubbing together. You broke the stare first, taking a step back, scoffing, and turning your head.
“I have a lot to do tonight Jaeger, I don’t need your arrogance around me. Go finish those damn reports before Erwin yells at you again, and neither me or Mikasa can help you.”
You don’t know what got into you, it was as if her name slipped out of you, your heart racing as he took a few more steps towards you.
Eren narrowed his eyes at you, “not like you're any better off, looks like Connie can’t come give you a hand this time.”
You glared right back at him, “and what the hell does Connie have to—” you suddenly interrupted yourself, “you know what, I don’t have to explain myself to you. Get out. Can’t do any work with breathing down my neck.”
Eren’s glare never let up on you, only watching as you walked away from him, pulling the papers out of the file lying across the table. He shook his head, turning around before walking back towards the door. He reached out, grabbing the handle before pulling. It didn’t budge. Eren’s expression turned into one of slight confusion as he pulled on the door once more. The sound of the wood hitting against the doorframe had you lifting your head up, turning around, and seeing Eren struggling with the door. Your eyes widened, as your eyes landed on the smaller, sturdier box. Through your turmoil, you didn’t notice Eren accidentally kicking away the box that had kept the door propped open.
“You locked us in here! You idiot!” You screamed at him.
“I didn’t know!”
You scoffed, pushing him away, before pulling at the door. No dice. It didn’t budge. You were stuck in here, with Eren of all people. You took a couple steps back, hands on your waist, breathing heavily from the struggle of getting the door open. Eren was a couple of steps away from you, arms crossed as he looked over at you.
“We’re stuck here, until Erwin decides to come in.” Sighing, walking past him towards the table.
Eren followed right behind you, “so what? That’s it? We’re just stuck here? No other way out? No key? No nothing?”
A rush of anger overtook you like a sea wave, your body swiftly turning around to face the man who put you into this predicament, “no, there’s no way out. It locks from the inside, unless you have the key which goes on the outside. Only way to keep it open is if the key stays in the lock on the outside.”
“What the fuck? That’s so stupid, why would Erwin do something like that?”
For “security reasons” according to him, "trust me, you're not the first person to complain about it.”
“So we’re stuck here until morning,” you stated, crossing your arms, leaning against n the huge filing cabinets.
“That’s so… fuck!” He yelled.
The brunette walked back to the door, lifting his leg before kicking at it, multiple times. The loud boom echoed through the room, along with Eren’s heavy grunts. You turned your head, watching as he struggled against the door.
“Kicking stuff is not gonna help our situation, Jaeger.” You sighed, bending your head back, the cool touch of the metal sending calming chills through your spine.
Eren stood up straight, stalking towards you. He stood right in front of you, leaning down, hands in his pockets
He narrowed his eyes at you, “and what the hell do you suggest? I don’t see you thinking on how to get out of here!”
“Because there is no way out. You think Erwin would make a way out of here without the key? No. There's sensitive information in here.” You said, lifting your head up to look at him.
Your noses barely grazed each other as you glared right at each other. You could feel your heart thundering in your chest, that heated feeling blooming within you. The smell of his musk-like cologne not doing you sorts of favors.
Your hands, slightly shaking, reached up, hoping to move him away from you to relieve you of the tumultuous mess you were slowly becoming, “get out my face,” you hissed.
Your hands only touched his shoulders before his hands came up and wrapped around your wrists, easily pinning them against the metal box. Eren leaned down further into you, seeing his chest move up and down, his breath breezing up against your face. One day, when you would think back on this night in the future, the two of you may argue about who actually initiated everything between the two of you. The two of you locked lips, hands moving around the two of you in a frenzy, your hands running wildly through his long brown locks, while his hands roamed around your body, his two hands finding solace grabbing at and squeezing your ass. With ease, Eren easily picked up you, your legs wrapping around his waist as he carried you, your back hitting up against the edge of the table, easily dropping you right onto it.
You shrieked, internally hissing as a hot-white pain shot up your back. The pain dulled away as quickly as it came as you let out a choked moan as you felt his lips leave wet kisses along your neck, “fuck… god, you’re an asshole.”
His eyes narrowed back at you, “looks who’s talking,” is all he said before he bent down again, swallowing you into another kiss.
Another moan left your lips, muffled by the kiss as Eren pressed his body further into you. His hands wrapped up around your knees, pushing your legs further apart and back, allowing your skirt to ride up. Revealing your soaked panties, the sticky sound of your juices as one hand left your leg. Eren took two fingers, hooking them underneath the soaked clothes before pulling them up and away, revaluing your drenched cunt to him. You felt cold air brush along your private, causing you to slightly shudder in his hold.
By now your loose blouse has fallen from your shoulders, your bra straps following, revealing your titties to him. Your distressed locs, once piled up into a high bun, now falling from the hold, brushing along your shoulder blades and neck. The both of you let go for a moment, catching your breath as you glanced at each other. His lips wet with your saliva, hair messy from your actions. You could feel your panties becoming more and more soaked as the two of you dove back into your intense kiss. Your hands feel his shirt, stumbling with the buttons as you undid his buttons one by one. Once you got enough buttons off, you ripped the rest of it off, buttons flying all over the room, revealing his chest. Eren soon let go of the kiss, taking a short breath before beginning to leave kisses all along your cheeks and jawline.
“Fuck—” choking on your spit, head thrown back in bliss.
Eren’s hands slid up from your waist, his large hands taking up each one of your breasts, He gave each a tentative squeeze, and the two of you locked eyes for a short moment. Eren gave you a smirk, causing you to narrow your eyes at him. He returned his attention to your chest, wrapping his lips around one of your nipples. Your body lurched as he sucked, his lips wet with drool.
His attention soon switched to your other nipple. The heat of the dark room didn’t help you as you ground yourself between the edge of the table and his chest. Your hands flew up, pulling in his long hair, as you let out a noisy moan. Your legs hooked around his back, a tight heat building up within you.
With a cry, a premature climax washed over you, your body trembling as your already wet panties became soaked with your cum. Eren soon let go of you, staring up at you, no words but his haughty-like smirk speaking for him. You glared at him, and a flash of anger went through you. An idea sparked within you as you gripped his hair, suddenly pulling down.
“Agh, what the fuck are you doing—?” He yelled as you pushed yourself off the table, making him stand up straight.
With all the leverage in your hands, you pushed him right down to the floor. He grunted as he landed, eyes going up as he saw you towering over him. He made eye contact with your bunched-up skirt, along with your soaked panties. Slowly, you pulled your panties down. Eren could feel his heart pounding through his chest, and he knew his whole face was red as you hovered over him.
With no words, you lowered yourself completely, your wet cunt landing comfortably on his face, right against his nose and lips. Eren’s tongue was already out of his mouth as you began to grind against him, not bothering to muffle your moans. Your legs and hips moved up and down against him, keeping the pressure up against him. Then, as if he went into overdrive, his arms and hands suddenly flew up, curling around, reaching over from the back, wrapping around your thighs, locking you in place. Eren held you down as he ate away at you. He licked and sucked away at you, his eyes gazing up at you, seeing how you threw yourself into complete euphoria.
“Fuck–” you stuttered, covering your mouth, sweat and tears mixing together as they dripped down your face.
For a moment, you glanced down at him, at the same time he opened his eyes, the two of you locking eyes. You couldn't he;p the smirk that appeared on your face. Your hands reached down, your nails and hands weaving through his dark brown hair.
“Not half bad, for someone like you, Jaeger,” your voice was breathy, your body convulsing.
Eren’s eyes glowed against the low light, glaring up at you, a range of emotions flowing through them. With no sudden warning, you shrieked as you were suddenly flipped up and around, landing right on your back. Just as quickly, you felt his lips take you once again, his two hands pinning you down by your wrists. The kiss was deep, drool dripping down from both of you. Your hips moved, around, looking for any type of friction, something to ease this fervid ache within you. One of Eren’s hands let go of one of your wrists, reaching down to your thigh, before pushing it back. Your now-free hand flew eight back into his hair. You pulled on it, smirking as you felt him moan in your mouth, as he sucked away on your tongue. You could taste yourself all over him, sending He soon in-slotted his hips in between your legs, his abdomen and hips grinding right up against you, feeling the stickiness of your slick dripping up against him. His hard-on slipped in between your sopping cunt, his angry-red tip pushing up against your clit.
He soon lets go of your other hand, not letting go of the kiss as his hands slither down and around your leg, before easily pushing them back. The slightly-painful stretch only causes you to surge forward. He let go of the kiss, taking deep and heavy puffs as he guided his hard cock in between you. You could hear him mumbling under his breath although the sound of your heart beating, as well as your heavy breaths from the messy kiss you two just had, overtook most of what he was saying. He was slapping the tip against your clit, his hips grinding the rest of his huffing and puffing.
A flash of anger went through you, and impatience overtook your tone, “hurry up, and fuck me Jaeger!”
His eyes held their own flash of ire as they narrowed at you, and suddenly without warning, he pushed his cock into you, pulling a sudden loud shriek out of you. His sudden action knocked the wind out of you, gasping as your back arched up, taking in the sudden aftershocks. His hands landed right on the back of your knees, his hands gripping around them, giving him balance as he slammed into your pussy.
“Fuck, Jaeger, slow down–” you cried out, your hands dragging down from his scalp into his back, your nails digging into his back.
He said nothing to you, his pace only picking up more and more, the sounds of wet skin slapping against each other was speaking for him. His hair drooped all around him, obscuring his face but you knew deep down inside he wore that very intense look upon his face. Your pussy throbbed and clenched around his length, feeling reaching deep in you. He soon leaned down, his lips lining right up against your ear.
“Huh, still not half bad right, for someone like me? Right, Angel?” He whispered right in your ear, before taking a tentative lick at your ear and beginning to suck on it softly.
As if something snapped within you, you reached right back into his hair, pulling his head away from you. The sudden pull caused Eren to let out a loud groan, his body trembling, his thrust wavering for a moment. The moment awakened something in you, a sudden smugness going through you as you pulled on it again. Just as before his thrust wavered as he let out another loud moan, letting off a soft “fuck” as well. Taking advantage of his imbalance, gathering what little strength you could while in your second wind, you were able to push Eren right back on his back again. He landed with an oof as he opened his eyes, seeing you towering over him once again. You smirked down at him, before turning around, your back and butt facing him as you hovered right over his cock, soaking wet with your juices. Taking a deep breath, you let out a long hiss as you slowly lowered yourself right onto him.
“Oooh fuck,” he groaned, his hands reaching out and gripping the fat around your thighs.
You pushed your long locs to the side as your hips began to move up and down, using your legs as a balance. Soon getting into a rhythm, your movements quickened, the new position hitting new places within your soaking pussy. Eren’s incoherent moans invigorated you, your hips rocking in all different directions. You could feel his hands gripping bruises into your skin, his slightly long nails digging crescents into your skin. You glanced back at him, seeing his eyes clenched shut, a deep red blush running all over his face and neck. You lifted yourself up, a slight desolate emptiness going through you. Eren let off a gasp, opening his eyes and looking up at you. He narrowed his eyes at you as he let go of his grip around your thighs.
His breath was heavy, glaring at you but as quick as it came, it went away as you sank tight back onto his cock, facing him this time. With a smug look, leaning down as much as you could as you rode him, easily grabbing at his hair and pulling.
“Angel–, wait, fuck,” his voice was desperate, the slight whines only send waves of pleasure all through your spine and core.
Hearing Eren’s cries intoxicated you, your hips moving faster and faster, more and more sporadically as well. Your grip on his hair loosened, revealing Eren in the heated daze you put in. Seeing your dilemma, he grabbed your butt, squeezing it tightly before thrusting up roughly. You shrieked, your body flopping onto his, your hands on his shoulders for some balance as he speared his cock into you. You let off curses, the mixture of spit and sweat dripping down from your face and landing on your lips, tasting the salty mixture. As the heated knot within builds up more and more, Eren feels your cunt clench and pulse around him, only further pushing him over the line.
Your head landed right on his shoulders, unable to hold back your words, “I still hate you so, fuck— much,” you mumbled in his ear.
His erratic thrusts only turned sporadic as his own lips reached your ears, “yeah, you hate me? Show me how much you hate, come for me.”
His words, covered in spitefulness, only urge you, pulling a loud moan out of you as you shook in his hold, your climax spilling and ripping out of you. You dug your nails into him, breaking skin as you came all over him. Your orgasm overwhelmed him, the final push of him as he slammed into you for one last time, groaning very loudly. He didn’t bother pulling out, his seed spilling into you, mixing in with your clear juices. The two of you were breathing very heavily, your head flopping onto his shoulder as his hands wrapped themselves around your waist.
Eren glanced down, hearing soft snores as he saw you slumped, sleeping from the strenuous activity. He couldn’t hold back the smile on his face, slowly easing you off of him but still keeping you right on him as he grabbed his uniform, before pulling it over the two of you. A wave of tiredness overtook him as well, not saying a word, holding you close before falling asleep on the floor of the storage room.
· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·
High-pitched laughter echoed through the ranch home, your head bent in shame as you sat at your friend’s home.
“I’m sorry for laughing,” she said, obviously not sorry at all, as she wiped the tears from her face.
You took a sip of the coffee she made for you, twirling one of your locs in between your fingers, “it’s fine, trust me. I’d be laughing if it was you in my situation.”
“Your situation? You fucked your co-worker in a storage room, and got caught by your BOSS of all people.”
You covered your face with your hand, letting off a very loud groan, “it was the most embarrassing shit I’ve ever experienced! But the fact that Erwin KNEW something like this would happen… I need to get a new job.”
Your friend snickered, covering her mouth and looking away from you. Before she could say something the back door flew open. Heavy boots hitting the ground, the two of you watched as a very sweaty Jean came through the door. His shirt was wide open, drenched with dirt and sweat, his hat shielding him from the outside sun. You glanced over at your friend, who was staring at her husband like a piece of meat ready to be devoured. You rolled your eyes, sipping down the rest of your lemonade.
“Hey there, haven’t seen you in a while,” Jean said, coming around to give you a short hug.
You smiled, hugging him back, “yeah, been busy at work but thought I’d swing by here while I have the rest of the day off.”
“Yeah, “been busy doing work”…” Your friend teased, wiggling her eyebrows.
Jean’s eyebrows quirked up, looking at your playful glare towards his wife and his wife’s teasing smile. Suddenly, he remembered the conversations he had with his wife. His eyes widened, glancing between the two of you, before putting his hands up in surrender, not wanting to think of his friend any other way.
He walked around the table, grabbing the pitcher of lemonade she had left on the counter, pouring himself a big glass
“Leave me out of it,” is all Jean said, bending down to give his wife a sweet kiss on the cheek before on the lips.
He was about to walk away, but a soft hand stopped him, pulling him down. A surge of elation ran through him as he felt her soft lips on his own. He ignored the scoff from the other side of the table as he deepened the kiss, closing his eyes. His hand nearly slammed down onto the table, using it for balance as he pushed down. Just as his lungs were beginning to scream out, she slowly let go of the kiss, smiling as the line of spit connected her lips to his own.
“Not so bad, Mr. Kirstein,” she mumbled, her hand reaching up towards him, her thumb stroking his cheek.
Jean smiled, grabbing her hand, and laying a couple of kisses on it, “only learned from the best,” he said back, giving her one last kiss on her hand before standing up fully.
You gagged, looking away from the two of them, “ew, keep your lovey-doveyness away from me.”
His wife rolled her eyes, fulling face you once again, “you could get like me, you know. With you know who.”
You shook your head, grimacing “would rather work in the mines before I do that.”
Jean glanced between his wife and his friend, shaking his head before taking a huge gulp of lemonade. He needed to get back to the horses and cattle soon. A long day ahead of him after all.
taglist: @kanekisfavoritegf @daisynik7 @where-the-blackbirds-sing @nathalunalune @secretanimesimp @kentucky-fried-me @levin4nami @liv-vy @mortqlprojections @invisible-mori @desiray562 @liliorsstuff-blog @sophiiluvvs @magictrump @ventdavi154 @ircngirl @lostinbeidou @missmadness123 @introvered-violinist @dior-fawn @saway4ma @reallongwire @nerdy-simp-7120 @stareatceiling @ehveerivv @zzg0d @keiva1000 @honeybleed @str4wberrylover
#˗ˏˋɴᴇᴇꜱɪᴇ’ꜱ ꜰᴀʙʟᴇꜱ ✎ ˎˊ˗#eren jaeger x reader#eren yeager#eren jaeger#eren x you#eren x reader#eren smut#angelshubnetwork#black reader#eren jaeger smut#eren x black reader#eren x fem!reader#eren x y/n#eren x black fem!reader#aot smut#eren aot#aot x reader#aot x female reader#aot x black reader#aot x you#eren yeager x reader#eren yeager smut#eren yaeger smut#eren yaegar#eren yaeger x reader#eren yaeger x you#eren jaeger x black reader#eren jeager smut#eren jeager x reader#eren jeager x y/n
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Things I like to think about for Keegan
(Huge ass ramble, so be aware of a yapping session 🗣🔥)
Even though we don't know what the Ghosts members' parents look like, I like to think that Keegan looks a lot like his mom
Keegan P. Russ, a man born to a beautiful mother and average ahh dad (/j)
I actually feel like maybe Keegans parents were actually pretty good-looking. Or at least leaned towards being attractive, like seriously take a good look at Keegan and tell me he has bad genetics (he doesn't)
Prob got his facial structure from his dad or sum, however genetics work. But his eyes? Hair color? Definitely his mom. So imagine Keegans mom, a rough image of her, then Keegan standing right next to her. Just 2 pairs of blue eyes staring into your soul.
They look like twins, man 💀
Nah, cause imagine blue-eyed Keegans mama holding baby Keegan himself with eyes that are grayish-bluish (babies can have different colored eyes when they're born. I had gray eyes instead of brown in the beginning in my case) and they're both just...staring.
Okay maybe Keegan got his emotionless stare from his dad, or maybe it's the aftermath of the whole Sand Viper mission he experienced back in his early days (bet ya forget the mf is basically old compared to most of us). I think his mom's eyes may have carried a type of confidence, a type of softness in them (that's why his Keegans dad fell in love with Keegans mother fr /j)
And yeah Keegans dad has brown or hazel eyes lololol. Plus brunette or very dark colored hair. (He and his son do look related, he's not completely the odd one out)
Great, now I wanna hold a baby version of Keegan in my arms 😔 (I feel like he was lowkey a very vocal baby. Always whining and babbling, not crying, just making sounds. Definitely loved his mom a lot more than his dad though)
Can't be too sure about his childhood though. I think maybe he came from a semi-broke family, yeah his parents loved him and each other (maybe Keegan even had some siblings. But he strikes me as an only child due to how quiet and mature he is, an only child like me fr). But yeah, I feel like he had a bit of a rough upbringing in terms of a financial situation. Makes sense as to why he would be in Sand Viper as a barely 15-16 year old highschooler.
Speaking of which, how could Keegan even be 16 at the time of Sand Viper? You have to be at least 17 to even be able to join. Like, for the National Guard, you can join as a junior in high school, but only when you turn 17. So, in a way , it doesn’t make sense as to how Keegan happened to be there at an age below 17.
(maybe he got stuck there and decided to fight with the others cause they weren't able to evacuate him like everyone else or sum, or make him go back to the hospital where all the civilians were. I forgot a good portion of Sand Viper)
(And during this time he maybe met Ajax who was of a proper age to even be there, since he was 17-18 or so)
I know the devs didn't pay too much attention to his birthdate, so it's pretty messed up when someone does actually pay attention to everything and his life timeline 💀
Could it be possible that they accidently messed up his birth date (head)canonically? Like, my mom's birth date is messed up on her drivers license, and I'm pretty sure her ID also has the same thing.
Imagine some guy accidently inputted the wrong date for Keegan in some sorta military database and didn't even realize nor bother to change it 💀
Stupid I know but yeah, the devs fault on that part to mess up his age like that cause you literally CANNOT be on the battle field as a 15-16 year old, especially in the USA since I'm pretty sure child soliders don't exist here anymore.
But yeah, that's pretty much it
Thanks for reading
#call of duty#cod#cod community#cod ghosts#call of duty ghosts#ghosts cod#cod keegan#keegan p russ#keegan russ#keegan#cod thoughts#rambles
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Anyway realizing in horror I’ve not posted anything Orpheus Eurydice fic related in actual forever and I actually cannot let that stand so have another snippet from one of the early chapters :)
Part of Leo wondered if love always felt like this—raw and awful and aching, forcing you both to twist parts of yourself into a different shape until you fit together, even if it didn’t feel right or comfortable for anyone involved. If it was always like hammering broken machine parts into place to very barely keep things running, with everything constantly on the verge of coming apart.
A more treacherous part of him knew that it didn’t. Remembered the way Jason had laughed at his lamest jokes, and the way his eyes lit up whenever Leo rambled about whatever new device he was working on. The way Jason had seemed to trust him so instinctually, even when Leo felt like he didn’t deserve that trust. Even when Leo hadn’t had that kind of confidence in his own plans.
He remembered Jason just showing up to help with the Argo II, despite the fact that he had no clue what he was doing—dropping by with snacks and water bottles and tricking Leo into taking breaks by bringing up movies he’d never watched or things he needed explained to him or complaining about how he was sick of sitting alone at dinner.
Sometimes Leo had fallen asleep on the bunker floor working late into the night, but he’d always woken up in his bed. Nyssa had given him endless shit about the fact that Jason had kept carrying him back to the cabin like some fainting damsel.
“You’re sure he’s dating Piper? Because I’ve never seen him carry her around like that.”
“Yeah, well, unlike me, Piper has a reasonable sleep schedule like a complete bore.”
Jason had never made a big deal about it when he’d asked—he’d just said that the floor was cold and hard and he didn’t want Leo to get sick or hurt himself by accident. He’d said it like it was the most natural thing in the world to him.
Leo knew that meeting Jason had changed him. It had changed Jason, too. But that had been different. It hadn’t felt like bending out of shape. It had been like him hammering away on heated metal, working out the kinks on two pieces with gentle precision until they fit together to make an even better whole.
#this chapter is sooo messy I’m really looking forward to sharing it when the time comes#valgrace#leo valdez#jason grace#hoo#heroes of olympus#leo x jason#jason x leo#tchig#my writing#ToA#trials of apollo
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15 Day BL Challenge (part one)
Day 5 - Biggest Flop
I’m gonna make so many people mad. Hoooboy!
Ignoring all the DNFs that I’ve had over the last year due to issues that had nothing to do with the show itself, my biggest flop that I finished and had an actual visceral disappointment to was Last Twilight but only because of episodes 11 and 12, everything up until that point was damn near pitch perfect. And yes, I feel like I can be salty over the ‘only by being fixed can a person be truly happy’ ending because I literally have the same type of head injury that Day has, also brought on from a car accident that was caused by a drunk driver. I very much felt connected to him and loved the story of accepting your life as it changes, losing our eyesight doesn’t make us broken. I’ve learned to live with my dwindling eyesight and current partially blind state for the past 15 years and will live with my completely blind state in the future, so to watch (heh puns) Day go from learning to love himself and accept himself as well as Mhok’s love, to instantly ignoring everything the show had been teaching him and the audience in the span of two lousy episodes - including an unnecessary breakup and ridiculous time skip - was heartbreaking. The series was so so good! And then it just was bad.
Now, all that being said, I absolutely do think that the show deserves all the awards and accolades it is currently receiving. I also think JimmySea did fantastic in their roles and also deserve all the awards for the work they put into making such a beautiful love story, but that doesn’t mean that for me personally I can’t also consider it a flop in my books for the reasons stated above. I loved Last Twilight when it was airing, but then it was like being punched in the gut. It will not be something I rewatch unfortunately.
PSA: if you haven’t heard P’Aof talk about his original idea for the story being a thriller you really should track down the interview, I won’t spoil it for you, but if you wanna know the original plot ideas check under the cut, I’ll post what I remember ⬇️
Last Twilight was originally conceived as a thriller based on Mhok looking to get revenge for his sister’s murder, she was going to have been killed in a car accident - yep that accent that Night and Day were in. Day was going to have been a driver that hit his sister and killed her, instead of having her commit suicide. The story follows Mhok as he tracks down Day and after finding out that he was going blind and needed a caretaker, he weasels his way into the job. They would still end up falling in love, but the whole plan was for Mhok to kill Day to get his revenge. When they left for the wedding at the beach, finally free from Day’s mother and brother’s constant surveillance, Mhok was going to take Day out into the middle of the ocean at night under the guise of a romantic swim and leave him there to drown. He was going to leave but then cannot go through with it and rushes back to save Day - and that’s all they got to until the rest of the writing team was like: P’Aof, you are a romantic, you love romance, you can’t do a thriller, your heart won’t be in it. You know this!
He agreed and ended up changing it from a revenge thriller to a romantic drama because he just didn’t feel like he was the right person to pull off such a dark storyline.
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About Maddie's reaction to ~the incident
One of the things I think is important to point out, because I haven't seen or read anyone talking about it, is Maddie's reaction when Buck told her the truth about the basketball incident. When Buck first arrived, she was all smiles, probably happy to have Buck there. Then she asked about how Eddie was doing and Buck said he hadn't talked to him because what happened on the basketball court was not an accident.
Buck confessed that he might have meant to hurt Eddie because he was pissed, felt left out, and he guessed he was trying to get Eddie's attention (I’m not gonna go Buddie here, but he legit literally said exactly this which !!!).
Her face started to morph, the change in her whole demeanor, the horror of it all... she was really really mad. I don't think JLH got the proper credit for it. It's truly remarkable, her face spoke volumes about everything that was going through her head at the moment. You could see Maddie thinking about her past, about Doug, about how he hurt her and the terrible ways in which he justified that behavior as she was telling Buck that you do not hurt people to get their attention and not to do it again.
The episode didn't make that connection explicit (they had her babbling about Sarahs instead, more on that in the last paragraph), and I KNOW that if roles were reversed, part of the fandom would've lost their mind, since they love to portray Eddie as violent and abusive towards Buck when there's nothing in canon to back that up, quite the opposite as of this episode actually. Since Eddie was the one who got hurt, it was no big deal, it was pretty much forgotten immediately after. I thought it was a huge deal, I thought tptb didn't really address how problematic that was. I thought the only one who reflected the gravity of the situation was Jen, maybe thanks to her character's past.
BTW, I don't think it's in character for Buck to do this, I think he does know better, and he really isn't and hasn't ever been the type to resort to violence. Having said that, that's what tptb decided to do on screen, maybe as a way to show he was struggling with his identity... But that’s kinda terrible, like, he’s confused at this point about his feelings so his first instinct is to harm his friend out of jealousy? Also, we didn't get to see anything else on the matter after. It was such an odd choice, tbh, cause yes, Buck and Eddie probably talked about it for a second and then made up offscreen, but to have a character be violent towards his friend just to push a storyline forward, a storyline about bisexuality of all things, disregarding everything about said character and then not acknowledging it... Some very bad choices were made. Once again, I think tptb prioritized moving the plot forward over making sense and that's just something I truly hate with my whole heart.
Characters cannot have their choices and actions dictated by the plot or, at least, it can't feel that way to the audience. That's just bad writing through and through. Tptb did this a lot this season, and I understand that time was pressing because of the strike and all, but they need to do better. They are professionals getting paid to do a job, the least they can do is actually make it all make sense for the fans and stay away from toxic portrayals of LGBTQ+ characters (Hen cheating, anyone?).
The whole story about the Sarahs was really kinda ridiculous, honestly, I think they just had to give Jen more to do but a follow up without it would've been much better. Of course, seeing as their intention was to completely ignore the gravity of the situation, they simply couldn't mention Doug at all cause that would've required Buck and Eddie discuss this seriously instead of completely forgetting about it.
#911 ABC#911#Buddie#Buck and Eddie#Eddie Diaz#Evan Buckley#Jennifer Love Hewitt#Maddie Buckley#Maddie Han#911 Meta#BuddieEdit#911Edit#realchemistry#anyways#I had to get this off my chest cause it's been running around my head forever#and the more I thought about it the worst it got#tptb are so messy and they get away with it because most people are just casual viewers#but... like... then this is how bad takes are perpetuated
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so. what’s up with diving?
a lot of people tend to think that diving is some paradoxical thing which has happened but also hasn’t at the same time.
i’m here to say; no it isn’t. all dives did not happen originally, and alter the course of time later.
there are plenty of other posts who go into more detail than mine will, and they mostly focus on season two.
i’m here to focus a bit more on s1. not in detail, just pointing some things out before i go completely batshit. and some thoughts. actually, mostly thoughts.
well, in short, diving never actually happened before the aforementioned dive, which in turn — not always, but usually alters the timeline. sometimes the changes are so minimal it’s barely consequential — sometimes they’re so important they kill someone, get someone stabbed, or save them. obviously, the butterfly effect.
i really do wish i could go in depth in this post outside of my simple disorganized thought processes but i don’t have the time or energy for that. alas, physical as well as mental illness and busy schedules strike again.
studio lan also likes to play around with these concepts. maybe to throw us off, maybe to hint towards the bigger picture, who knows.
well. that’s not what this post is about. i just wanted to point out some examples. which are, here, as goes;
while rewatching, i’m still on ep1, but the most obvious thing is emma upsetting the cup. hers is more of an accident, obviously just spilling over the table.
cheng xiaoshi WHACKS that cup. while it might be for comedic effect, i see quite literally no one pointing this out — and it spins around and hits mr. zhu’s head. and then falls on his pants, which is the timeline reorienting itself.
the next example is have, which is on top of my head, is one that really baffles my mind how i don’t see anyone speaking about xu shanshan more. while lu guang watches the photo, she’s giggly about the message she receives and we all know it cuts off right before liu min enters her apartment — well, that’s not important, but i did want to point out how she’s giddy.
cheng xiaoshi simply solemnly stares into her phone as he reads dong yi’s message. which might be a whole can of worms to unpack later, but either way, it always struck me as kind of odd.
we don’t have concrete evidence that xu shanshan was murdered — but in my personal theory, she was in the original show’s timeline (not the og tl itself), before cheng xiaoshi managed to overwrite it. from her being depicted as a victim once, to cheng xiaoshi’s plan — i doubt li tianchen or liu min cared enough about her to actually have to go through with it.
anyway, i do think cheng xiaoshi’s plan practically worked, especially since li tianchen managed to go “oh shit, there’s people with my type of power, i must see this,” and actually left her alone.
i do think some kind of “alternative timeline” was mentioned, but that’s kind of evading my memory right now. i’ll get back in on you in the next 100 business days. maybe more or less.
well, i completely forgot to mention xss being mentioned in the newspaper after cheng xiaoshi’s whole meddling which ended up with her turning into a victim — again, kinda steering the timeline. and again, another butterfly effect, considering that turns into xu shanshan dying having to make a plan to avoid her death, catching liu min, lu guang getting stabbed, the li twins, all of s2. which is to say, this is heavily hinted at for not happening in the timelines prior which lu guang had experienced.
ah, speaking of lu guang. sweet boy lu guang. who’s from the future, and considering the timeline being rewritten, he cannot return to the future. this is also implied, or could be a plot hole. considering every time li tianchen touches cheng xiaoshi while the latter is possessing someone, he gets forced out of said body, to the present — as for lu guang, he fully stays there, in the past which isn’t the past, more like a new present or future. with all of his plans intact. sucks that the future he’s aiming for isn’t changing, though.
there’s also the mess which is s2ep8-9. you know, the speedboat episodes. it isn’t quite obvious at first, but lu guang is lu guang the first time. and well, he wasn’t expecting anyone to know his password either. he likely just stashed the phone away for safekeeping, for his own dive, but then the cops found it and cheng xiaoshi decided to dive in — it’s a bit of a mystery on how cheng xiaoshi knew exactly what to do as well. since he was likely very disoriented the first time he was brung out of his possession by li tianchen. well, i’m not one to really delve into this, again there’s other people who have in far more detail than i.
i mean, yes, time nodes are a thing and the timeline reorients itself however it needs to be. no matter how much of change might take place, how out of hand it can get. but it has this margin of error as well. it’s quite odd, really, i can’t quite describe it either.
there’s some kind of mindfuck theory about time not actually being time but i won’t get into that. i don’t remember what it said. but shoutout to you, other theorists.
in short, i don’t think i made this clear due to my incessant rambling; diving always alters the timeline. even if only little deviations happen, it always alters what it was originally supposed to be. and it only happens once, unless you count lu guang diving into himself multiple times… but that isn’t as clear, considering like i said, the future changes — which is stated in the donghua itself, but it changes and he theoretically dives into a different version of himself. theoretically.
well, whatever the case, thanks for reading. hope this makes sense — kind of at least, if you’re interested on my thoughts on anything let me know. or if i forgot to cover some part in more detail.
happy 0913, hope everyone survived well today. i, and cheng xiaoshi, sure didn’t!
#link click#时光代理人#shi guang dai li ren#shiguang daili ren#sgdlr#text#thoughts. musings even#i dont know what to tag this as
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So the scarring discourse is still going.
No, characters keeping scars does not automatically equate to that being torture porn. In this context, fans clearly intend it in a way that says "even if you end up with physical marks, it doesn't diminish you". Or is Aang getting scarred torture porn too? Or do you think things like Mortal Engines movie shrinking the female lead's facial damage to a minimum "spared her of physical trauma"? No, it was afraid of depicting something deemed "ugly" and it's a huge disservice to real people who look like she was described in the book.
The topic was not handled super well in ATLA. Katara's wounds got healed leaving no trace on her, on her psyche nor on how she views Aang which is not just unrealistic, but you can literally feel in the show Katara having to go "no Aang it's ok, I'm fine, you don't have to beat yourself up over it, I'm healed, let it go Aang, it's not your fault," it is too much. It would have been much stronger had the burns left some mark, even a tiny one, because then Aang's reluctance to practice firebending would have made more sense and all characters would have gotten a more solid demonstration that the Avatar can be dangerous too. It would have been a wakeup call to Katara that Aang isn't a completely harmless kid she can always shield and protect. That's character development! This would have been a more powerful moment in the progression of their relationship, especially after they sort it out and Aang learns safe firebending later on, because they'd have a more real problem to overcome rather than just Aang's guilt.
Again, show didn't frame things too cleverly - there's no heightened moment of perhaps Katara being extremely happy that she discovered a part of her lost Southern waterbending heritage (just remember her behaviour with Hama, there's none of that here). The show just removes her wounds, she's confused about the ability, and this leads to Jeong Jeong making a point about how fire is wild and destructive. The whole segment ends with removing the source of the problem (wounds) and is about how evil fire is. Aang ends up being traumatized anyway, he isn't less traumatized because Katara's wounds didn't scar.
The point is - Katara gets nothing character-building out of this event, even though it made her cry and cradle her arms for several minutes on screen. Because of this her burns could be considered torture-porn (slightly). Her discovering healing abilities is not a reward she got exclusively because she suffered the burns, she could have discovered it by accidentally hurting herself, or healing someone else. Imagine if Aang hurt himself by being reckless and Katara discovering she could heal him? What she should have gotten out of specifically being burned by Aang, is a changed view of him. I don't mean her viewing him negatively, but taking a step back and both learning they should be more careful. Who said zutara stans want Katara getting scarred by Aang in order to make Aang a villain in this? He literally cannot be a villain here, he made a big mistake by being careless. It's got nothing to do with zutara. It's not helpful to misinterpret some storytelling tools that have nothing to do with shipping, just to prevent them from creating some later story hooks which could potentially be used in shipping a NOTP. Heck, Katara getting scarred could even be used (with skilled writing) in shipping her with Aang - like zutara fans use Katara being angry at Zuko and expecting him to demonstrate that he wouldn't betray or hurt them again.
And if you have a distaste for two happy friendly characters hurting each other on accident, that's fine, but well I have a scar on my arm from my brother's scratch that happened on accident. These things happen and stories shouldn't be scared of portraying it, especially if later on they show how to make ammends and overcome the problem. I'm not saying "Katara should definitely have kept her scars!!!" I am showing narrative weak points and suggestions how things could have been done differently, what benefits it could have had character-wise and what that might have changed.
#I don't even know how to tag this#atla critical#atla fandom discourse#katara kept her scars#katara should have kept her scars#are these tags for this topic??#anti anti zutara#atla ship wars;
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Your bird adeptus reader posts have me gnawing at the bars of my enclosure theyre so good
Okay okey I see your Bird Adeptus Reader and I raise you one Dragon Adeptus Reader, bonus points for that “not quite mastered shapeshifting yet” human disguise that has reader running around with dragon features.
This doesnt have to be considered a request but I feel compelled to share my thoughts with you in gratitude for the absolutely fantastic works you put out okey brainrot time lets go
Bumping foreheads with Foul Legacy like cats (lets be real here dragons are just lizard hardware running cat software) and having to be extra careful because of y’all’s horns so that makes it even more special. Or reader kneeling to like meditate or something, their tail is swishing behind them, and Legacy goes “!” before swatting at reader’s tail because he’s just Abyssal Moth Beast hardware running cat software.
A Dragon Adeptus would likely be very durable as well, so Legacy doesn’t have to worry about squeezing reader while cuddling or knocking into them by accident; they’re still soft and squishy and cute, but very very sturdy and able to handle all that Moth Affection.
Mutual purring, also another good thought. Legacy likes shiny objects, reader is compelled to hoard shiny objects: you really cannot lose in this situation.
It’s cat-like creatures solidarity babey!!
*unlocks your enclosure* i like the way you think anon
amongst dragons and dragon-type creatures you're considered a bit of an oddity. dragons are grand, powerful beasts that command attention or at least respect, like your secondary caretaker Zhongli (Cloud Retainer is still your adoptive mother- just because you're not the same type of adeptus doesn't mean you're not her child!) but you're smaller with softer scales and a long tail with a tuft on the end of it, still plenty durable and armed with sharp claws and adeptal powers, but you don't really have the same intimidating presence as most dragons. that's just fine with you, though- you're far more content keeping to yourself and spending time with Foul Legacy, who, in contrast, looks strong and vicious but has the softest, sweetest personality you've ever encountered, and that includes the few humans you've met and your fellow adepti
you both share several of the same habits, being essentially cats covered in either scales or armor with you being slightly more put together so you can listen to people's wishes and prayers, meditating for a couple of hours each day. whenever you sit down and close your eyes Foul Legacy always sneaks up behind you, not to spook you or anything, just to playfully bat at your tail as you work- you've taken to handing him a brush whenever he does, feeling him happily comb through the tuft of fur on the end. once he tied a little bell around it and broke into chitters of delight when you stood and instantly started jingling. you got your revenge by adoring his horns with some of the ribbons and ornaments you have for yourself- although, he seems to rather like it, so now you take a few minutes each day to pick out accessories for each other's horns, and you have plenty of shiny items to choose from
napping together is essential, particularly in sunny patches of grass. the warmth makes both of you drowsy and lethargic, Legacy nuzzling his head against your cheek and your tail wrapping around his leg. if you're particularly tired you'll change into your draconic form and completely curl around your very happy Abyssal beast, your purrs synchronizing with his. you also nap together in the most smushed clingy positions, since you want to be as close as possible- someone's face is always buried in someone's neck or chest, at all times. Legacy does make a point to be more alert in sleep than you are- you seem to fall into the deepest sleep whenever you doze, maybe it's something to do with you being a reptilian adeptus- just in case someone comes walking by, so he can wake you and help you cover your horns and tail
#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#foul legacy#foul legacy childe#genshin tartagalia#genshin childe#genshin tartaglia#YES YES YES I LOVE INHUMAN READER#YOU'RE BOTH BIG CATS IN DIFFERENT SKINS#zhongli would be your primary caretaker but cloud retainer refused#she's the team mom after all#oh oh my what if you also had a small dragon form#like just a little noodle#oh that would be fantastic#yes i like this concept#short scenario#other's stuff#good evening#anon#FAVE
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Hear me out
With the growing popularity of transmigration webtoons, I assume we've all read those ones about a random girl or fan reincarnating in the villainess' body and changing the original plot completely, and often finding out the villainess wasn't so bad and the MC was the real enemy all along.
I'm obsessed with that trope and I don't care how repetitive or predictable it gets sometimes, it fuels me. It gives me life. And since I recently started to re-read The Remarried Empress on webtoon (i'm following I Abdicate my Title as Empress now and the nostalgia hit me), I had an idea I can't stop thinking about. Well, two ideas:
A fierce fan of The Remarried Empress dying in an accident or falling into a coma, I don't care, and reincarnating in Rasha's body, right when's she found by Emperor Sovieshu on the trap. She's a BIG supporter of Navier and hates Sovieshu with passion, blaming him for everything. Her opinion on Rasha is the same as the average fans...until she experiences the girl's trauma and hardships herself, and realizes that there's more depth in the unfamous webtoon villainess than she thought. Despite her new identity and knowing most of the plot, she cannot bring herself to stay away from Navier and show her adoration for the Empress, acting like a fangirl whenever she sees her or hears about her. She helps push all the strings to guarantee Navier and Heinrey's love story to shail, because even though she wants her close, she wants Navier to have the happy life she deserves.
Or the original Rashta going back to the past after her death and, feeling terrible for what she did, vows to not commit the same mistakes again and decides to do her best to help Navier from the distance whenever the Emperor fucks up. She doesn't want to be empress, just have a cozy and secure life away from slavery, so she's resolved to make Navier stay and if she has to act as a marital therapist for them so be it. She knows her position is secured with her baby, so it's not like she needs the Emperor's affection on her, just his promise to look after her (plus she resents him a lot now, so the less she interacts with him, the better).
These ideas were born out of my new found realization that Rashta, while she works amazing as a pitiful villain, her character was deeply misunderstood and forever condemned to be mocked and attacked by everyone, both in the story and the fandom. She wasn't a saint, sure. She did bad things out of selfishness and purposedly went against Navier to steal her place, and I was satisfied with the ending she got. But most of the flaws that made her so annoying for the fans are actually reasonable within her character's past. Rashta was sold as a slave by her own father when she was a child, placed in a house with masters that abused her and treated her like trash simply for existing (Lotteshu even gave her a dead baby to let her believe it was the one she lost, how the fuck no one talks more about it?). Then, she escapes and the Emperor saves her, showering her in affection and riches and promising her a fairytale love story. She think she's safe, that she can finally be happy, but Lotteshu re appears and begins to blackmail her, and then turns out the Emperor doesn't love her but wants to the heir she can give him. Ergi is her only friend in court apparently, but he's manipulating her from the beginning and eventually betrays her. And Rashta wasn't purposedly rude to Navier at first, the girl was illiterate and knew nothing about etiquette, but she admired Navier and wanted to be close to her, but Navier assumed she was mocking her instead. And Sovieshy obviously never helped this situation.
I want to see a story where Rashta's traumatic past is properly explored instead of showing it as side information, and she gets the development she should have had. And what better way than with a reincarnation story? At least in my opinion
Anyway, thanks for coming to my ted talk lmao
#the remarried empress#empress navier#navier ellie trovi#heinrey alles lazlo#sovieshu#emperor sovieshu#rashta#remarried empress#navier x rashta#unmarried queens#reincarnation manhwa#remarried empress reincarnation au#we hate sovieshu here btw#he's the one i never felt sorry for#he got what he deserved
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i cannot bear the pain. it is an embarrassment. i am a fool. how could i have done this. i wont hold back. i cannot lie. my entire life is filled with pain and regret. i’ve been given a horrible hand. i hate i have to make myself withstand it. i hate i have to be strong and bear the sorrows. i am not a victim. i refuse to make myself wallow in pity. i’ve written it before. i have spoken about how you’d never expect me to have lived the life i did. abused at 3, abused continually through adolescence. my entire childhood, sexualized. the one person, never believing me. my believer and confidant, my one true hero, died in a horrific accident. she was taken too soon. but it’s also gods time. this is probably where i developed chronic vaginal pain and back pain. from being penetrated at 3. i remember this all. i remember the day. i never, ever blocked it out. i had a baby sister shortly after and i remember her birth too. it was normal to me. 3. from then on, just abused myself the way i was abused as a toddler, as a child. went on to be abused by others as well. seek out thrills and “exciting” life of drugs, sex work, partying, addiction, homelessness, eventually loneliness. i pulled myself out of all of this by myself. i picked myself up. i got myself a career. i found what worked for me. i eventually went on to travel more. met someone who i loved endlessly. had their child. turned extremely abusive as the pregnancy began. and what’s cruel is, he comforted me in all my miscarriages. i had a traumatic one, where i saw the sac. it was large and i was 12 weeks along. he helped me tremendously. only to slam my head into a window and break my tooth out. it was a porcelain tooth anyway. still. my tumors and pelvic inflammation from when i was a toddler grew even larger in my uterus and pelvic floor. my entire pregnancy was agony. i even struggled with wanting to get an abortion. but i didn’t really want that. i really wanted my baby. i had dreams of him, and truth be told. i thought id miscarry. even ultrasound i expected the “im so sorry” but i eventually got to end mark. and i wanted this baby so bad i prayed for it. i almost died during labor. preterm laboring for lord knows how long. leaking fluid and my stomach clenching with each contraction. i almost died on the OR table. so did my baby. he suffered loss of oxygen and by the absolute grace of god, he came out only having minimal damage. we are on our way for testing for cerebral palsy. he has seizures, and nystagmus. he’s technically blind and developmentally delayed. but he’s so intelligent. singing to sade at just 2 years old. he’s very musically inclined. he’s a miracle. i saw angels surrounding me on the or table. i saw lights. i felt angels talking to me. nurses laughing at me. i remember so vividly. all i wanted was for my baby’s father to reach out and hold me. what a common theme. just wanting to be held. i had the worst time breastfeeding and horrible panic attacks over formula feeding. don’t care what anyone says about formula. i hated it. i switched to goats milk at 6 months old. and donated breast milk. he never slept, in fact, he was a “colicky” baby. he was angry. looking back, i had no idea he had brain damage. the only thing i noticed immediately were the eyes. the nystagmus. diagnosed retina damaged due to non delayed cord clamping. resulting in the nystagmus. tried fighting a case. completely dismissed because i had no money for a lawyer. no legal backup. the caused so many interventions. pitocin should be illegal to gove to women. induction due to preterm labor should be banned. i’m not even making a harsh claim. against all odds, i feel my child saved my life. my baby is 3. the age i was changing diapers, feeding my sister, abused. i remember it so vividly. i couldn’t imagine this life for my son. he’s so happy and so full of bliss. no matter what. i pray to god we make it thru. no evil intentions shall prevail. for the lord has me. i don’t feel scared saying anything. because the lord has me.
i looked at my blog from years ago. when i was a sex worker, when i was trafficked around and raped by several men, they shoved money in my mouth and spit on my face. they tormented me and told me my life was worthless. all for the “kink” i was a sex worker at 15, meeting up with men. men in the military, police men, hospital workers, pediatricians. the worst one was a dentist who paid for my dental pictures and teeth work. it was so insane. he literally went mia one day and could never find him. all these men told me they loved i was underaged. they knew. that’s why they were around me. and even more strange, i would go in public with these people. i would drink, smoke, do all these things in public with no ID, no hope, no anything. it truly makes you wonder how these things can even exist? the world has always been so gray and cruel to me. i know the advantages people in power get. i know the world is ran by filthy, nasty people. men and women. i know i felt like cattle. i knew they knew i was just “waste” i could die and no one would even bat an eye. i was homeless. but to everyone else, i was just a “runaway” i could of seriously been hurt. i don’t even know what happened when i would pass out. even more curiously, i never blacked out. no on alcohol, not on xanax, or mdma, or acid, or mushrooms, or coke. i was always so very aware of what was happening. and i took a lot. just crunching on 5-10 bars 2x a night. what is that? i can only think of it as it is happening in my head right now. what is that? what kind of life is that? i know that when i got older, past 13-16, men loved hearing how damaged i was they got off to it. i took the attention as love. oh these men want to hear me and listen to me. i became a mute at what?? 18. i was institutionalized and drugged at the mental hospitals. i struggled with panic attacks my whole life. different ones too. i feel like im floating talking about this. i’ve never typed it out. i’ve always written it down. i have a son who loves me very much and i love him very much. he is the light in such a dark place
my boyfriend broke up with me because i’m too negative. i had just taken my son to the cancer specialist and eye doctor. i was so overwhelmed with everything. all i wanted was a big hug and kiss. instead. he treated me like an anomaly. he treated me like i was insane. all these men. they look past men. all these men, they only see value in me when i give them my fake little happy faces. what if i told u i loved life. but i’m tormented. i have flashbacks every single day. i am not healed, i am only existing in such a world that i can’t even believe to be real. the only thing in my entire life, that has ever grounded me, that has ever felt real, are the words my son says to me. my son. the only thing that feels real. i feel pain in every fiber of my being. i feel it so deeply. i haven’t slept in days. i cannot eat. i am getting sick, throwing up and shaking. i can tell ive lost weight, in just 2 days? i was happy and eating before. this person gave me such clarity and hope. i thought i had an angel by my side. i thought the world wasn’t as cruel as it is. i thought i found true and honest love. i thought i was to marry him. the way my son would look at him and love him. they way my son grew with this person by them. only to be terrible betrayed. are all men like this. is this how my life is to be. i want only the best for my son. i will be going to school soon and finding a job thru my degree. i hope i make enough. it doesn’t need to be a lot. just enough for my son to be okay and know i did this all for him. because he’s the most important person in the world. i would lose all my color and oxygen to give him it all. he is my rock in this world and nothing will ever change that. i hope and pray no evil intentions prevail. he is the best thing to ever happen to me. he is why i still try. he is the reason. i dreamt about him before i ever had him. voices in my head told me he would protect me and that this is the life. voices in my head tell me i chose this life in particular. i am so glad i did. if it meant i got to meet my beautiful son.
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