#it took me like a year to watch all doctor who episodes and I'm very afraid

[mbrainspaz]

ok I don't really feel like I had a choice in One Piece suddenly being my new hyperfixation in the first place but one week and 183 issues in I'm definitely starting to feel like a prisoner here.

[girlgenius1111]

Just Admit It

part 2 of do you need me!!

does it count as proofreading if I scrolled through it really fast before posting?

Falling asleep in Alexia's arms seemed to be a cure all- you'd woken up a few hours later and the pain in your head had dulled significantly. Alexia was just so relieved that you were feeling better, and didn't want to ruin your good mood by bringing up how you'd acted earlier. So, even though your reluctance to allow her to take care of you worried her deeply, she let it go, vowing to keep a close eye on you.

You wished that that had been the end of it. It should have been; your migraines were normally really rare. You'd never had more than one in the span of a few months, normally going a while in between episodes. Which was why you just dealt with them; they weren't a common enough occurrence for you to go to a doctor or something.

You must have been extra stressed, though, which you knew was the cause of your migraines. Between a hectic club schedule, and an insane international one, you were exhausted. Seeing how stressed Alexia was only made you feel worse, until you were a walking ball of anxiety going into the holiday break.

You and Alexia had just played last game of the year, a champions league group stage game, extremely ready to relax. It seems your relaxation time came a little late, though, because you felt the beginnings of a migraine starting to pulse in your brain on the drive home.

You were determined to keep this one to yourself. What had happened a couple weeks ago, letting Alexia see you in that state, could not happen again. Even if she told you she didn't mind. Even if she'd specifically asked you to tell her the next time you didn't feel well. You just couldn't. You kept quiet all the way home, heading inside and immediately curling up on the couch while Alexia sat next to you.

Alexia wasn't stupid, and she knew you very well. She knew you weren't feeling well, could tell from your silence in the car; normally you'd be all hyper after a game, changing the song every other minute and talking nonstop about whatever came to your mind. She loved hyper-post game y/n, who always managed to bring a smile to her face, no matter what mood she was in. Your lack of energy in the car was concerning, as was your behavior upon arriving home. Normally, the two of you picking dinner consisted of you going back and forth until one of you was so hungry that you just agreed to something you didn't want. Alexia pulled out her phone, prepared to start listing ideas, expecting this to take a while.

"What about sushi?" She suggested, half joking because you really didn't like sushi, and would normally complain about having to pick something random off the menu.

"Sure." You responded quietly, and Alexia's head raised to look at you, thinking she must have heard wrong.

"Okay... do you want fried rice?" she asked, eyes studying you closely.

"I'm actually not that hungry, I'll probably just make a sandwich or something" you replied, and Alexia's eyebrows rose even farther up on her face. Ordering food out was... your favorite thing. Choosing to eat something from home instead of getting something from a restaurant was unheard of. She had half a mind to check you for a fever, but she was already suspicious that your head was hurting.

She took in your appearance, really looking at you. Your eyebrows were slightly furrowed, as if allowing your eyes to be open all the way was too much. You unconsciously rubbed your left temple with your finger, and your jaw was completely clenched. It was clear that you were in pain. Alexia set her phone down, scooting a little closer to you.

"Are you feeling alright?" She asked, bracing herself for your response. Sure enough, your whole body tensed, and she watched your face as all traces of discomfort were wiped away.

"I'm fine, just tired." You assured her, not really aware of how aware she was of how you were feeling. Alexia decided to push, just a little.

"If you're sure. You can tell me if you're not feeling well, cariño. I won't be mad." Her voice was soft, as if she was talking to a cornered animal, and you were suddenly fighting the inexplicable urge to cry. You want to tell her, you really did, but you couldn't. You didn't want to be too much, and you'd already been far too weak in front of her before. You forced yourself to meet her eyes, willing yourself to not feel anything as you took the love and worry she held on her face.

"I'm fine, amor, seriously." You responded, fighting to keep your voice steady. You were careful not to promise anything, not wanting to break it. You were fine. Your head hurt, and the lights made your eyes ache, and the room was starting to spin lightly whenever you moved your head, but it wasn't anything you couldn't handle. You gave Alexia a half smile, and she sighed, smiling back. You could tell she didn't really believe you.

If you were going to be stubborn, you could be stubborn. Alexia was dead set on you coming to her this time, on forcing you to realize that you needed her, and that was okay.

The rest of the evening passed slowly. Alexia put on some random reality show that she insisted she only watched for you, even though she'd let out comments like, "well maybe if you weren't such a douche, derek, everyone wouldn't hate you" completely unprompted. You promised her you'd eat after the episode ended, her food arriving in the middle. Instead, the credits played, and you avoided her eyes as you spoke.

Standing up only slightly unsteadily, you said, "I think I'm gonna go to bed Ale, I'm really tired." The pain in your head had only intensified and you were desperate to escape to your bedroom where you could hide your tears in the pillow. Alexia looked up at you with surprise and concern.

"You haven't eaten anything, y/n, and it's only 8:00."

"I know, I'm really not hungry though. Goodnight baby, I love you." You didn't even kiss her goodnight as you headed to bed, knowing that if you tried to bend over to do so, you'd probably end up face down in her lap. She looked after you, bewildered. She really couldn't understand why you were so reluctant to tell her that you weren't feeling well.

You changed into pajamas and curled up under the covers, surprisingly finding yourself rather sleepy. Your head hurt, a lot, but somehow you felt yourself drifting off.

Alexia tried to stay up till a normal time, but she couldn't resist climbing into bed with you. At least in your sleep, you couldn't push her away from you. So, at 9, she headed into the bedroom, finding you asleep, head buried in her pillow instead of your own. She smiled, taking in the sight of you completely dressed in clothes from her side of the dresser. She was tempted to pull clothes from your side of the dresser as revenge, but instead settled on a pair of her own shorts, and the stupid fuzzy sweatshirt you loved. She didn't like wearing it, and she hated sleeping in it, but the look on your face when she put it on last time, as if you'd maybe begun to understand a fraction of the love that Alexia had for you, was enough to get it on her tonight.

She slid into bed next to you, fitting herself into the small space you'd left her when you'd taken over her pillow. You had the hood of one of her hoodies pulled up, and under it your face was flushed, you looked warm, so she carefully pulled the hood down, allowing fresh air to hit your face and hopefully cool you down. You grumbled slightly, shifting over until you were practically laying on top of your girlfriend. Alexia held in a laugh, and snuggled into you. She felt sleep tugging at her, and she hoped when you both woke up in the morning, you'd feel better.

-----

You didn't. You woke up only a few hours after Alexia had come to bed, in blinding pain. Your head had never hurt this bad before, no migraine had every felt this intense. You knew you should do something, wake Alexia up probably, but you really couldn't move. You were laid on top of Alexia, head tucked into her neck. She was sound asleep, one arm wrapped around you, holding you securely against her. You tried to shift, just a little, but the slight movement intensified the pain in your head, until you were biting your lip to keep from crying out. You couldn't stop the tears, though, and they fell steadily onto Alexia's neck.

Alexia woke to the sensation of something wet on her neck. She was incredibly groggy, and she just barely registered that you were laying against her.

"Why is my neck wet?" She grumbled, speaking in her normal voice, although much more garbled than normal. At the volume of her voice in your ear, you let out a whimper of pain, unable to contain it.

Alexia was fully awake in a second, remembering that you'd gone to bed not feeling well, the sound you'd just made alerting her to the fact that you were silently crying into her skin. She didn't move though, only starting to rub your back softly.

"Hey, bebé, what is it?" she cooed, keeping her voice at a whisper. You didn't respond, shoulder still shaking with silent cries, and she grew even more concerned. "Please tell me what's wrong, I can't help unless you tell me," she pleaded.

The desperation in her voice got to you, and you managed to roll yourself off of her, onto your back, with minimal sounds of discomfort. Alexia rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at you. She kept her touch feather light as the pads of her fingers lightly wiped away the tears on your face.

"Open your eyes for me, please?" You did as she asked, thankful for the darkness. Your face was screwed up with pain, eyes red and puffy from crying. "Now tell me what's hurting," she said, because there was no question you were in pain.

Your bottom lip trembled as you looked up at Alexia, trying to find the words to express what was going on.

"M-my head," you told her, voice breaking as you spoke through your tears. "Migraine. Really bad."

"Oh, bebé, I'm so sorry. What can I get you? Medicine? An ice pack? Anything," she seemed so eager to help, to fix it, and you felt even worse about what you were about to say.

You'd never felt this bad before. You could barely think. What few thoughts you could form, all told you that you needed to go to the hospital. You knew once the words were out of your mouth, Alexia would freak out, and there'd be no going back. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes, before speaking.

"Ale, you need to take me to the hospital." She was silent for a few moments, and you opened your eyes again to look at her. The fear painted across her face was horrifying.

Your words stunned her. For you, stubborn, independent you, to tell her she needed to take you to the hospital, you must have been in indescribable pain. She allowed herself to panic for only a moment, before she took a deep breath, and burst into action.

"Okay, hospital, I can do that. Should I call an ambulance?" She tried to sound more put together than she felt.

"No, too loud. Drive me?" You were back to speaking in half sentences. She would drive you, she really would, but she took one look at her hands, shaking uncontrollably in panic, and she knew she shouldn't get behind the wheel of the car. Maybe she should have been better in a crisis, maybe she would have been if it had been anyone else. But it was you, and you were her weakness. She didn't want to worry you, though, and she knew if she said she was panicking too much to drive, you'd worry, even in this state.

"Okay mi amor, let me change, and we'll go." You mumbled an agreement, and she climbed out of bed, grabbing her phone. She headed into the closet, shutting the door behind her before flicking the light on. She dialed quickly hoping to god that Mapi had her ringer on.

"This better be good Putellas, I swear." Mapi's voice came over the line, grumpy and harsh.

"Mapi, I need you to drive me and y/n to the hospital." Alexia felt tears pricking her eyes, and she blinked them away, knowing she needed to keep it together.

"Por qué?!" Mapi responded, sounding much more awake. Alexia heard shuffling over the phone, and a yelp that was probably Mapi waking Ingrid up.

"She has a migraine and she said it's really bad and she needs to go to the hospital."

"She asked to go?" Mapi sounded surprised.

"Si."

"Shit, okay we're coming now, we'll be there in a couple minutes." Like Alexia, Mapi recognized how bad you must have been feeling if you had asked to go to the hospital. Neither of them had ever been so grateful to live so close to each other before.

Alexia headed back into the bedroom, having changed while on the phone into sweatpants and a t-shirt, and leaned down to kiss your forehead.

"Mapi's coming to drive us, she'll be here in a minute. I'm gonna pick you up to carry you to the car now, vale?" She whispered the words against your forehead.

You replied with a soft, "Okay," pain lacing your voice. You didn't care that Alexia had called Mapi, you didn't care about anything as long as you didn't have to go in an ambulance with the sirens on. As carefully as one would pick up a newborn baby, Alexia gathered you into her arms, holding you tight against her, carrying you out of the room and to the front door. It opened right as she got to it, and Ingrid was standing in front of her, spare key in hand, hair sleep tousled, but looking alert.

"Take her to the car, I'll grab your wallet and keys," Alexia nodded, sliding on shoes before heading out the door, thanking the universe that she had such good friends. Mapi was waiting by car, pulling the door open, wordlessly helping Alexia slide into the backseat. You sat sideways on Alexia's lap, head tucked back into her neck as your tears hit her skin over and over. You clung to her tightly, hands fisted in her shirt, as you tried to stop yourself from sobbing loudly. The walk to the car had been enough to almost make you pass out, but you'd held on to consciousness.

Ingrid climbed into the front seat then, quietly telling Alexia she'd locked the door behind her. Mapi pulled the car out of the driveway, looking in the rearview mirror every so often, studying your form curled up against Alexia. She'd never seen you like this, and she'd never seen Alexia this panicked either. Ingrid was thinking the same thing, and she reached a hand back, giving Alexia's knee a squeeze.

"Everything is gonna be fine, the doctors will know what to do, they'll fix her up fast." Ingrid kept her voice low and reassuring. Alexia nodded, slightly frantically, holding you tighter against her.

The drive to the hospital seemed to take forever, Mapi taking care to drive as carefully as possible, since every jerk the car made caused a whimper of pain to spill from your lips. Alexia paid no attention to the dark city passing her by, her only focus on you in her arms.

Mapi pulled the car right up in front of the doors to the emergency room, and Ingrid was flying out of the car, opening up the door and helping Alexia get you out. Mapi drove off to park the car, while Ingrid walked the two of you inside. Luckily, it was pretty empty, and the nurses ushered Alexia to put you down on a bed in a room almost instantly. She explained the situation, as you were clearly in too much pain to speak, and the nurses were nodding, hooking you up to all sorts of things, before telling Alexia to wait in the waiting room until they had run some tests.

She hesitated, looking desperately at you. You looked so small in the hospital bed, eyes squeezed tightly shut against the harsh lights, hands balled into fists. There were 5 people working over you, all seemed calm and not worried, but Alexia still had to fight the urge to climb into the bed with you, and pull you into your arms until you stopped crying. She felt a hand on her arm, tugging her into the hallway.

"C'mon. She'll be okay, you need to let them work though." Ingrid stated, encouraging Alexia to follow her out into the hall. With one last look at you, she let Ingrid pull her out of the room and walk her back to the waiting room. They found Mapi there, arguing with the nurse at the desk, trying to figure out where you went.

Alexia took a seat in a chair, sighing heavily, and burying her face in her hands. Ingrid and Mapi exchanged a look, taking seats on either side of their captain. Mapi rested her hand on Alexia's back, and was startled when she heard Alexia sniffle into her hands.

Ingrid rolled her eyes at the look on Mapi's face, who looked completely stunned to see her best friend crying. Sure, Alexia never cried, ever, but this situation definitely warranted it.

"She's gonna be fine, Ale. She's in a lot of pain, but thats how migraines work. They'll give her something for it, make sure nothing else is going on, and discharge her." Ingrid told her, clearly trying to make Alexia feel better.

"She's right. Y/n has had a stressful month, this is just her body reacting to it. She'll be fine." Mapi continued, pulling herself together enough to comfort her friend.

Alexia lifted her head then, and both other girls wanted to cry themselves at the look on her face.

"I've never seen her in that much pain before. And for her to ask me to take her to the hospital, she must have been in so much pain." Alexia's voice was shaking when she spoke, wiping her face with her hands to rid it of tears. Mapi and Ingrid looked at her sympathetically.

"I know, but they've probably already got her all drugged out, she's probably not even in any pain anymore. She's funny on pain meds, remember when she got her wisdom teeth out?" Mapi tried to lighten the mood. Alexia smiled slightly, remembering how goofy you'd been. Her friends had helped, she felt marginally better.

And Mapi was right. The doctors had ruled out any serious brain issues, and given you a nice big dose of painkillers. You felt the ache in your head fade as you yourself drifted off again. Your last thought before you fell asleep was that you hoped they'd let Alexia back soon, and that she'd brought the fuzzy sweatshirt she wore to bed, because you were kind of cold.

-----

When you woke, it took you a few minutes to remember where you were. Your brain felt heavy, but not in the painful way it had before. You tried to blink your eyes open, but they weren't really cooperating yet. You tried to bring a hand up to rub at them, only to find that you couldn't move your right arm at all. Using your left hand, despite the IV, you rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, and cracked them open. You looked down to see what had taken your arm hostage, and found Alexia passed out on it. Her cheek was smushed up against your sheets, both arms wrapped around your one, while her hand somehow held tightly to yours.

You were suddenly overwhelmed; by both the love you felt for the girl laying at your bedside, and the love you felt from her. Tears sprung to your eyes again, and you sighed, slightly annoyed with the amount you'd been crying recently. She stirred at the slight sound you made, eyes blinking open, slightly confused, before she shot straight up in her seat. Her hands released yours, and they hovered frantically over you, as her mouth opened and closed. She was groggy from sleep, and alarmed that you were crying, and her brain was not moving fast enough to decide on a course of action. It would have been funny if she hadn't looked so panicked.

She found her voice then, raising her hands to cradle your cheeks. "Are you in pain? Why are you crying? I should call the doctor, let me find a nurse," her words came out a mile a minute, and you smiled at her, placing your hands over hers.

"Relax, amor. I'm not in pain, sit back down." She looked at you doubtfully, slowly sitting back in her chair.

"If you aren't in pain, why are you crying?" She asked. She was surprised when you blushed, no longer meeting her eyes.

"I just woke up and you were here with me, and... I don't know. It was overwhelming. In a good way. I just love you, a lot." You stuttered through the sentence, before lifting your eyes to meet hers again. her gaze had softened, and you melted at the look on her face.

She pulled you in then, pressing a bruising kiss to your lips. She pulled back after a minute, peppering little kisses all across your face until you were laughing, and she had cracked a smile. Quickly, though, her face turned serious again.

"Of course I was here when you woke up. Where else would I be?" She asked, seeming genuinely unsure of where else she would possibly have been.

"I don't know. You still surprise me sometimes, with how much you care. I don't always expect it." You responded. You weren't sure if you were just feeling sappy, or if the drugs were making you talk, but you found yourself overly willing to be honest with her.

"Bebé, why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well last night?" She replied, eyes searching yours.

"I didn't want to bother you, you were tired too. And, I guess I'm just worried."

"Worried about what?"

You took a deep breath, picking at a stray thread of the thin blanket laying across your legs. "Worried that if I let you see me like that, all weak, you won't want me anymore. Why would you want to take care of me?"

Alexia was quiet after you spoke, and you made yourself look back up at her. She looked like she was thinking hard.

"Nothing you could ever do would be too much for me. Nothing. Not being sick, or in pain, or sad, or angry. I want you just as much then as I do when you're happy. And I always want to take care of you. You are mi niña bonita y perfecta. I want everything with you, even the stuff that isn't so fun." She spoke slowly, determined that you catch every word. "Okay?"

You swallowed the lump in your throat, and nodded. "Okay. I promise to try to do better, and let you help me." You figured it was the least you could do, after the little speech she just made. A speech that made you want to run home and grab the ring you'd hidden in the back of your closet, and ask her, right then and there.

Alexia smiled, satisfied, leaning in to kiss you again. You asked her what the doctor had said, and she told you that he thought you hadn't rested enough after the last migraine, and you'd obviously been extra stressed recently. That, combined with the lack of sleep you'd been getting due to early trainings and late nights filled with... other forms of exercise with Alexia, had compounded to give you the migraine you'd experienced.

He recommended a neurologist, who could help you manage them, and also that you find a better way to deal with your stress than... not dealing with it at all. You were free to go once the drugs wore off though. Alexia made you promise to see the neurologist before she brought up the topics of visitors.

"Ingrid and Mapi are still in the waiting room. They were both pretending not to be worried but Mapi has been pacing pretty much since we got here, and Ingrid's gotten all snippy, the way she does when she's worried." You laughed, picturing the scene clearly. You told her to go get them, and she left to do so.

While she was gone, you thought about that ring in your closet again. You had big plans for it over the summer, but you wondered if maybe you couldn't wait until then. You might have to plan something sooner, or risk blurting it out while waiting for the right time. Either way, you were more sure than ever that Alexia was it for you, and more convinced that you'd ever been that you were it for her.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The Turkey Baster Experiment

Summary: Her cousin just had a baby via turkey baster, supposedly. Robin had to find out if it actually works. Based on this.

A continuation of me cleaning out my drafts.

1990, Chicago, Illinois

The Rockie Harrison Apartment (named in combination of all of their names)

It was Robin and Eddie's day off of work, so they were busy lounging in their pajamas watching Scooby-Doo. Their partners hadn't been so lucky. Steve was working as a middle school teacher, so of course, he didn't have a day off during the week. Vickie was working in a library at a different school, unfortunately, while she worked on also publishing her own book. Eddie worked as a mechanic. Robin worked at a bakery while also tutoring kids with their Spanish and French on the side. Some of them were rich kids, so occasionally, she could afford to take a few days off like she was now.

"You're such a Velma," Eddie said with a shake of his curls.

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Robin said. "Velma is very cute."

"That would make Vickie Daphne?" Eddie asked.

"Duh, she can be such a Daphne sometimes," Robin grinned fondly.

"Steve is such a Fred," Eddie sighed dreamily.

"You're definitely a Shaggy," she said. "And the kids are definitely all Scooby."

"Robin. . .I'm feeling that empty nest thingy again!" Eddie exclaimed and pouted.

"It has been almost a year since they've graduated, and we moved here. Weeks since they've called us. It's not like we practically raised them or anything," Robin pouted. "Do you think they've forgotten about us?"

After the kids graduated high school, Steve and Robin decided to move to Chicago with their partners, who were happy to move anywhere as long as it wasn't Hawkins. It was in Chicago that they found a lovely abandoned old firehouse. It took some TLC, but it was liveable, and it housed them all perfectly. Plus, Eddie loved the pole that went down to the first floor, specifically when Steve used it as a stripper pole. Vickie and Robin had vowed never to use it once they learned what they did with it.

"Rob, they're in college now. El, Lucas, and Max are starting this new relationship. Will and Mike are still dancing around each other since Will broke up with Gareth. They're probably really busy," Eddie shrugged and then paused to wail, "They have forgotten about us!"

Suddenly, the phone rang, and Robin nearly broke her neck, jumping over the back of the couch to answer it.

"Oh, hey, mom," Robin said.

Eddie sighed and crossed his arms, pouting in his seat.

"Darn kids," Eddie muttered.

He focused on the show as Robin talked with her mother. Occasionally, he lifted his head when he heard Robin gasp about something. When the phone call was done, the episode of Scooby-Doo was finished, and another one was starting.

"What was that about?" Eddie asked Robin.

"My cousin finally had a baby. Although she didn't tell anyone that she was pregnant and it's crazy how she got pregnant in the first place," Robin said.

"Not the normal way?" Eddie asked in surprise.

"Well, she and her husband have been trying to have a baby for a while, but it hasn't happened, so she decided to take matters into her own hands," Robin said.

"She fucked another guy?!" Eddie gasped.

"Nope," she said.

"She fucked another girl?" Eddie asked in confusion.

"Dingus! No! She used a turkey baster and get this: she didn't use her husband's sperm to do it. She used his brother's!" Robin exclaimed.

"There's no fucking way," Eddie scoffed.

"She did. Her husband only found out because he went to the doctor and discovered he couldn't have kids," she said. "She told him the truth when he confronted her."

"No, not that. There's no way she got pregnant using a turkey baster," Eddie said.

"She did!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't!"

"I'll prove it," Robin said.

"Fucking how?" Eddie asked.

"You have a turkey baster of your own. You should be able to understand the concept of how she did it," Robin said, narrowing her eyes at him.

"No, I mean how the fuck are you going to prove it?" Eddie asked.

"Well, we have a turkey baster, and I happen to be ovulating," Robin said.

"Okay, so what happens if you do get pregnant?" Eddie asked.

"Then you get a baby like you and Steve have been talking about," Robin said. "Although Vickie's been kind of broody lately too."

"So, this kid would have two moms and two dads?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah," Robin said.

"This kid is either going to be the queerest kid ever, or we're all so queer that they're going to be the straightest person alive," Eddie snickered.

"Either way, because of us, they'll be the fast talking son in the west," Robin said.

"It could be a girl," Eddie said.

"No, it's play on words for - never mind. Are we doing this or not?" Robin asked.

"Hmm, maybe Steve and Vickie are right. Maybe we shouldn't hang out without them," Eddie said.

"Coward," Robin said.

Eddie and Robin stared at each other for a while. Eddie glared at her.

"Do it," Eddie said.

"You're up first, big guy," Robin said.

"Right."

Robin gave him a cup and shoved him into the bathroom. She waited rather impatiently outside the door. A couple of minutes later, she heard him groan in frustration.

"Problems? Just think about Steve at the beach when he ate that vanilla ice cream cone, and it started dripping into his sweaty, hairy beast of a chest, but instead of you gawking at him like an idiot, you reach over and start licking - "

"Okay, it's up! Stop helping!" Eddie shrieked.

Eddie glared at her when he walked out of the room and handed her the cup. She took it, and the turkey baster into the restroom, her head held high. He leaned against the wall, smirking when he heard Robin complain loudly.

"Well, if I didn't know I was a lesbian before this, this is definitely what would turn me. Disgusting!" Robin exclaimed.

"I've heard no complaints from Steve when he swallows!" Eddie exclaimed cheerfully.

"Gah!" Robin exclaimed as she came out of the bathroom. "It's done."

"Now what?" He asked.

"Now we wait," Robin said.

She threw herself down on the couch, turned herself upside down, and threw her legs over the back of the couch.

"What are you doing?" Eddie asked.

"Helping your little guys find their way," Robin said. "Plus, it's a cool way to watch Scooby-Doo."

Eddie shrugged and copied what she did.

"Now, we wait," Eddie said.

An uncertain amount of weeks later. . .

Eddie was alone in the apartment while Vickie took Robin to a doctor's appointment. Steve was at work. Eddie was working on writing music when the door to the apartment burst open. Vickie stared at Eddie while Robin stood nervously behind her.

"Did you get my girlfriend pregnant?" Vickie asked.

"It was her idea! She seduced me!" Eddie said.

"How?!" Vickie asked.

"She called me a coward!" He exclaimed.

Vickie giggled and threw herself at him, hugging him tightly.

"It's hard to stay mad at the mother and father of my child even if it was reckless of you guys," Vickie laughed again. "Just wait until Steve comes home."

"Oh God, Steve," Eddie realized, his face pale.

Eddie waited around nervously for Steve to come home. When he finally did, he walked in with a smile on his face. Oh good, he had a decent day. . . It was a decent day that Eddie was probably about to ruin. He walked up to Steve, greeting him with a tight hug and a kiss. He snuggled into Steve’s side, his cheek pressed against his. Eddie traced patterns in his chest.

"Hi," Steve said, looking at him in confusion.

"So, how mad would you be at me if I got your platonic soulmate pregnant?" Eddie asked.

"What is this now?" Steve asked with wide eyes.

"Robin's cousin got pregnant by turkey baster, and I called bullshit on that, then Robin wanted to prove it. I jerked off into a cup, and Robin squirted it up her hoo-ha with the turkey baster. Then, several weeks later, here we are," Eddie said and paused. "So, how was your day, sweetheart?"

Steve sighed and rubbed his face with his hands, trying to wrap his head around Eddie's ridiculous description of the situation. He walked into the kitchen, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and plopped down at the table.

"So, how are you feeling about this?" Steve asked Vickie and Robin.

"Excited," Vickie grinned. "We're all going to be parents."

"So, all four of us, huh?" Steve asked.

"Yes," Robin said.

"We're having a baby," he said softly, and then he grinned. "We're having a baby!"

"Three bisexuals, a lesbian, and a baby!" Eddie exclaimed, and they all looked at him. "What? Spock directed that film."

Steve laughed, pulled him into his lap, and kissed him.

"I'm happy this happened, but maybe next time you want to get Robin pregnant, maybe get all of us involved," Steve grinned.

"Hey, I was just trying to prove Robin wrong," Eddie said and smiled softly. "I'm glad I was the one who was wrong."

"I just realized this baby is going to part Robin and Eddie," Steve said.

"Oh god!" Vickie laughed.

"Hey! You guys are supposed to love us!" Eddie exclaimed.

"This baby is going to kick the shit out of me, aren't they?" Robin asked, holding her stomach.

Several months later. . . after many shenanigans during which Robin discovered that she could use Steve and Eddie as her willing puppets. . .

"Wednesday, huh?" Steve asked as he held the baby in his arms.

"You said we couldn't name her after a Scooby-Doo character," Eddie said defensively.

"Besides, you always said you love Wednesday because she reminds you of Max," Robin said.

"I'm not complaining, I love the name," Steve said grinning.

Wednesday Elizabeth Munson-Buckley had started arriving sometime during the middle of the night, much to Robin's annoyance. She had been busy sleeping. Wednesday had arrived that afternoon, surrounded by doctors and all of her parents. Now, here they were in Robin's hospital room, with Eddie and Vickie cooing over Steve’s shoulder.

"You did great, baby," Vickie said tearfully. "She's beautiful."

Vickie kissed Robin deeply before going back to gazing at the baby.

"You want to go next, don't you?" Robin asked her girlfriend.

"What?" Vickie asked.

"If we ever decide to give Wednesday a sibling, you want to be the one that's pregnant, don't you?" She asked in amusement.

"Ooh, both her and Steve could go next," Eddie said.

"Let's just see how this one goes," Steve said, laughing. "But probably."

"Oh, I called Uncle Wayne. He cried like, well, a baby when I told him I wanted to give her a w name in honor of him. He's going to call everyone else and let them know. So, we're probably going to have a full house sometime in the next few days," Eddie said.

Steve grinned and passed the baby back off to Robin. She smiled and stroked the top of Wednesday's head.

"Oh, I want her to have the whole world," Robin said.

"So, you want her to be an evil super villain hellbent on world domination?" Eddie asked.

"It's what she deserves," she said.

"She'll succeed where men have failed," Eddie said proudly.

"Yeah, that's a no," Steve scoffed.

"We're just keeping her options open, Stevie," Eddie said.

"It's not set in stone," Robin said. "We're just letting her know that we'll love her no matter what."

"I'm not supporting our daughter becoming a super villain," Vickie laughed.

"I guess we know who the fun parents are," Eddie said.

It certainly wasn't an everyday situation, and most people would call it abnormal, but to the four of them and the people they loved, it wasn't so strange. Wednesday would grow up to be well loved with four supportive parents and with an extended family to match. Stranger things have happened than a child growing up loved and isn't that the most important thing of all. . . That the child was loved?

[curlyjohnlock]

Hi,

I'm new to this. I'm genuinely curious how johnlock fandom happened. I watched sherlock and didn't notice any chemistry between them. I'm just trying to understand. And how do you feel about Ben and Martin not liking each other in real life? Thanks.

Hello anon!

The Johnlock fandom was born long before BBC Sherlock aired. I think there was a speculation about them in the late 1800s but, obviously, talking about homosexuals was out of the question at the time. But the ship took off in 2010, when it all started.

I have met several people in the fandom who told me they didn't notice anything romantic between the two at first viewing, but then they had to change their minds with rewatches.

Now, it must be said that the characters themselves constantly imply that the two of them behave like a couple.

1. Mrs Hudson

From the first moment, in A Study in Pink, she believes that Sherlock has brought his new 'boyfriend' home.

In The Empty Hearse, she can't believe that John is now engaged to a woman.

"So soon after Sherlock?"

"Hmm... well, yes."

"What's his name?"

"It's a woman."

"A wOmAn?!?" and then she laughs. She sounds rather incredulous, perhaps believing he is moking her.

"You really have moved on, haven't you?"

2. Mycroft

Nobody knows Sherlock better than Mycroft. In A Study in Pink, when he meets John for the first time, he says: "Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?" and literally Sherlock and John met the DAY BEFORE! Why would Mycroft bother stalking a poor army doctor if he doesn't believe that Sherlock could be attracted to him? 🤷🏼‍♀️

In The Final Problem, Mycroft already knew that Sherlock would sacrifice him and save John. Sherlock loves John more than Mycroft, AND HE'S HIS OWN BROTHER!

3. Angelo [the restaurant owner in A Study in Pink (although I prefer the one in the Unaired Pilot, better known as the Gay Pilot)].

Angelo has known Sherlock for years, and why would he make Sherlock attractive to John? "Hey, you know this macho guy got me out of prison?" "OH! Wait! I'll get you a phallus candle, that'll be very romantic. 🥰😍😛"

4. Donovan

In The Great Game, when Sherlock finds the abandoned car, Donovan says to John: "I see you're still hanging around him. Opposites attract, I suppose."

This one may not be the best example, but it's worth including.

5. Irene Adler

My God that woman. She's in love with Sherlock, and that's fine. Who wouldn't fall in love with Sherlock or his brain? But she also knows that Sherlock only has his heart set on John. In A Scandal in Belgravia, when they go to her house, she immediately says to Sherlock: "And somebody loves you. If I had to punch that face, I'd avoid your nose and teeth too."

Then, when John goes to Battersea and meets her, she asks: "Are you jealous?"

"We're not a couple."

"Yes, you are."

Again, she met them for literally 3 minutes and immediately realised it!

6. Mary

Mary should hate Sherlock to death (and I'm still convinced that she never liked Sherlock).

What was that proverb again? Respect the owner's dog for your own sake. It means: like the dog to please the owner. Or something like that.

In this case, the owner is John and the dog is Sherlock. It's obvious that at a certain point Mary starts shipping them, almost as if she doesn't really care about John.

7. Magnussen

In His Last Vow, Magnussen meets Sherlock and John for a few minutes, and immediately tells them: "You two are sooo domesticated." Later in the episode, he tells Sherlock that John is "your damsell in distress."

I hope this was exhaustive from Johnlock's point of view! Maybe try looking at it from another point of view and rewatch the whole serie. At that point, if you're still not convinced, it's okay, anon, we don't bite!

Moving on to Benedict and Martin... we all know that Martin has a particular character and that he has trouble getting along with literally anyone, but I don't believe the newspapers. They are journalists, they HAVE to cause a SCANDAL!! Otherwise no one would read them. They take sentences from a completely different context and pass them off as true. Take for example when it was said that Benedict had called Martin 'pathetic.'

There is a video of this interview. The presenter asked Benedict to drink tea the way Martin drinks it, Benedict imitates him and then says 'pathetic', but it is not strictly intended to refer to Martin.

I know for a fact that Martin took it out on Benedict when he got married to Sophie Hunter, just because he didn't invite Martin to his wedding. On the same day, Amanda reported Martin's tantrums on twitter!!! 🤣🤣

Anyway! Even if the rumors were true, it doesn't matter. It's their problem, not ours.

Yes, it may upset us as fans, but these two are real people in the real life.

I'll conclude with this. If you have any other questions, feel free to contact me again! And anyone is welcome to comment on this or ask me anything. 👋🏻

[cauqhtz]

My opinion about Luffy and the world of one piece.

What does Luffy or One Piece in general mean to you?

I'll start! This is completely my opinion and my personal feelings!

I should start off my saying I am a hard person to please. I'm extremely "picky" with every aspect of my life. For example: I hate it when my food touches, even when I'm eating it. I eat it in order. there are exceptions though. I do like for my collard greens and rice to touch but only if I put them together. I still plate them separately.

It's ridiculous and sooo annoying but its a serious thing for me. It's like trying to swallow a pill. I physically cannot force myself to swallow anything that dont fit those standards.

It's like this for every aspect of my life. Books, movies, JOBS, tv shoes, etc..

the first time I tried watching one piece i turned it off maybe not even a minute after watching the first half of the first episode. I remember seeing nami at a party and her looking out to see the whirlpool and I got the wrong idea about what the anime was about so i swore off it.

Maybe a year later I saw a instagram post. It was basically saying how they didnt understand how they found a pirate story about some kid made of rubber kicking everyone's asses entertaining. I was in disbelief and kind of took it as a challenge. It sounded absolutely ridiculous to me at the time so I gave it another shot.

As soon as Luffy popped out of that barrel knocking one of those guys out saying he'd catch a cold for sleeping right there? I was laughing. ME? LAUGHING? To say I was sold would be an understatement.

Then theres the part where Luffy expresses his dream to be king. It wasnt because of some overused reason like very other anime like childhood trauma. It was because he wanted to. Thats it and thats all. I was blown away. My heart raced with excitement after that speech from luffy and I binged watched the episodes from then on.

I was obsessed. (Still obsessed) Back then I was still in highschool and I was binging the episodes from the moment I woke up, during all my classes and lunch, after school and falling asleep to it.

I think the only anime I binged like that would be HXH another anime I'm still obsessed with.

One of the funniest episodes of one piece for me is 497. I was rewatching the marine ford arc and I was in tears laughing at this episode.

But back to the question!

As a young woman of color? Luffy is a dream to me. Luffy is the perfect mixture of malcom x and MLK. He's what I think the world needs. He's one of a damn kind, there is NO character like him or story like one piece PERIOD and there's no amount of hate from naruto fans that'll make that less true.

The only character that is unafraid of crying, laughing, fucking up, tripping up in front of friends and enemies alike.

insanely selfish but he's strong. He can have his friends, hell he can make new friends and have them ALL by his side or far away from him. All alive and fucking thriving, why? because he fucking said so. He's strong in more ways than one. He has that luxury.

He's unafraid of asking for help. He has never once acted as though everyone else is beneath him and he can do everything by himself.

Gets pissed when he finds his vest with flowers sewed into it, wanting to be a manly man but unbothered at eating all the love themed food sanji makes specifically for nami and robin.

He has asked forced Pirate Hunter Zoro to join his crew? Nah thats just zoro his best friend and the guy who ate stomped out sand covered chocolate rice balls out of respect for the little girl he saved from Helmeppo.

Cat burglar nami? Nami the navigator. Her maps and weather skills are unreal!

Sniper king the liar? Yup but he's a damn good sharpshooter.

Black Leg/ Vinsmoke Sanji isnt he apart of a family of comicbook villians? Thats just Sanji! One of the best chefs in the world!

Tony Tony Chopper the raccoon dog that happens to be a doctor? Oh no thats chopper. Our crews miracle treasure. He's a talking reindeer monster.

The demon child is on your crew? Huh? Demon child? You can't mean robin! She's a good friend of mine and she's an archeologist! I'd have to kick your ass if you think otherwise! :D

Cyborg Franky? Oh yeah I couldnt take the sunny without him! They're a package deal!

The humming swordsman? Oh you mean brook! He's a talking, singing afro skeleton not to mention hilarious! The part about him being a sword-swinging musician was just a plus!

The first son of the sea jinbei...A fishman? Hell yeah! He's THE fishman! Jinbei is a good friend of mine and the 10th member I've been looking for!

Luffy's crew is a dumpster fire of diversity. That right there is rare within itself. I mean it's a Japanese show, yet most of the main characters aren't japanese! They originate from a little bit of everywhere across the globe!

They all look different and act different. They are all flawed and yet Luffy accepts them with open fucking arms with his TRADEMARKED grin nearly splitting his face in half!

Speaking of accepting them! Luffy is always overjoyed when reuniting with his crew. Jumping to give them hugs, screaming his hellos, jumping up and down, lunging forward to give them hugs, and waving with excitement at the sight of his friends.

I mean Luffy is unfucking matched. Even his voice is one of a kind and so fucking satisfying for his dialogue??

Two of my favorite quotes from Luffy are:

"I'm kicking your ass and wrecking your birdcage."

"Speak up for yourself, aren't you the leader of these guys? SAY SOMETHING ALREADY!"

Luffy's very name holds mind-melting weight.

I just recently found out that his brother ace was the one that came up with "Gum gum Rocket." Something I'm now pissed at OPLA for giving Garp the credit of.

Luffy as a captain doesnt do major plans or specific orders. He says something and his crew either follows along or finds their own objective for example the punk hazard arc when law asked luffy if he was going to leave his crew on the island to do what they said they wanted to do and leave with him to fight kaido.

Luffy refused saying if his crew was staying to get their own things done then so was he and that Law had to get used to it quick.

Luffy is freedom in physical form. There one second and gone the next. Something that gave Law heart palpitations.

ALSO SCREW YOU LAW FOR TELLING CHOPPER TO SHUT UP WHEN HE TOLD YOU BYE IN WANO!

Luffy has no rhyme or reason for doing things the way he does other than the fact that thats just who he is. Something that only Zoro and Robin TRULY understand. Chopper understood this recently, just before the time-skip.

For example when big mom assumed luffy was there in wano to pick a fight with kaido and luffy denied it sternly.

confusing everyone around him including nami and carrot.

He went onto say everyone not only responsible but associated would be getting their asses kicked.

And thats EXACTLY what happened.

Zoro wasnt even there for that and he was already cutting the majority of their members in half.

MIND YOU. LUFFY AND HIS CREW DIDNT PLAN ANYTHING. NOR WERE THEY AWARE OF THAT PLAN. ALL THEY HAD WERE DISGUISES AND THEIR WITTS.

You'd think that with every plan luffy screws up they'd be major consequences? NOPE bc he's stronger than that. Everyone else would have to adapt or get their asses kicked.

jinbei fought with luffy in the fishman island arc. not wanting luffy to make matters worse, instead wanting him to be seen as a hero to which luffy refused saying he's not a hero and that he had to get to his friends... until jinbei said and i quote. "Luffy, I'll let you have all the meat you want! Just do as I say!"

To which luffy agreed after a few more pleas.

friends and enemies are one in the same to him.

You want to hit him? Fine he doesnt care. but Lie to him? He's about to shove his foot up your ass.

You want to take credit for his wins unless your law or kid? Hell yeah! Couldn't have done it without you!

You want to defend him? Dont bother. This is his business. Stay the hell out of it.

You want to cry? Suck it up! Crying wont fix anything so get the fuck up and do something about it already!

You want to ask him for help? Sure! Anything! As long as you're the right person asking!

You want to call him a hero? Literally might knock your lights out.

You want to put him down in history and tell everyone what he and his crew did? Don't bother he's not interested.

I mean the list goes on and on. I can talk about luffy and one piece for HOURS and never get bored.

Luffy is a dream to me. I tear up thinking about him and wishing to be apart of that world for even a day.

Thats what Luffy means to me.

[sarahjtv]

My Hero Academia is Officially Ending and I'm Fucking Coping 😭

So, it was officially announced early today, June 24th, 2024, by Shueshia and mangaka, Kohei Horikoshi, that My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia will officially end in 5 chapters on Chapter 430. The last chapter will be released at the beginning of August after 10 years of publication in Weekly Shonen Jump magazine if all goes well.

I woke up to this news. I'm sitting here on my laptop typing this as a way of coping tbh. On the outside, I'm numb and stunned. On the inside, I'M SCREAMING, CRYING, THROWING UP, MOURNING LIKE I LOST A LOVED ONE WTF 😭

*sigh* But, this was going to happen eventually. It was only a matter of when. When Horikoshi said that we would have more epilogue to cover, I thought "Maybe he'll give us 10 more chapters!" Turns out it is 6-7 chapters instead... In Horikoshi's defense, 6-7 chapters are much longer than what most mangaka have given us for epilogues to their stories. I'd rather have him give us 5 more chapters of an epilogue than rush it in 1-2. Plus, if possible, we could potentially get 19-20 pages per chapter which might be just enough to wrap everything up. And since final chapters of manga tend to be longer than usual, we could get extra pages in the last chapter to finish everyone's arcs and the story properly.

Still, it's so wild to see a series I have loved for years and have such a strong attachment to end as I am following it. I have been a part of many fandoms before and have stuck around them for years (Pokémon, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Breaking Bad, and many more), but it's not often that I've been there there to see a series come to it's conclusion. Sometimes that can turn out well (Breaking Bad) and other times I've seen it end badly (Supernatural; only read about it and it was not great. I bounced after season 13? and I am so sorry to the fandom). My Hero Academia is one of the very few series I will see through to the end.

I'm really coping here, honestly. I've been a fan of My Hero Academia since 2018. I first heard about the series randomly through the internet, but I didn't fully introduce myself to it until I listened to a cover of The Day on YouTube (I forget the artist, I'm so sorry). I thought the song was so cool and that led to me listening to more covers of MHA OPs (Peace Sign is still GOATed btw). This eventually led me to the manga and the anime where I became truly immersed in the series. I started reading the manga around the Joint Training Arc (I think) which was definitely an interesting time to read the manga because the chapters where so short due to Horikoshi dealing with health and I think moving conflicts at the time. It was still an enjoyable arc and enough to keep me interested in reading from the beginning. I want to say I started the anime around season 3?, but I started at the beginning and worked my way up from there. "Shoto Todoroki: Origin" was the episode that finally solidified my love for the series and is still my favorite episode of the series.

To say that MHA has an important place in my heart is an understatement. (⚠️Warning: very quick mention of suicide) I was very sad and depressed in the latter half of 2018. My life didn't feel like it was going anywhere and I was close to giving up entirely. (⚠️ ). Finding and loving MHA during that time honestly might have saved my life. As strange as it sounds, it was one of the few things that brought me genuine happiness at the time. I had something to look forward to every week and it was thrilling. I still remember debating whether Deku or Shoto was my favorite character. Shoto took the top spot in my heart, but Deku is a very close second 🩵💚.

Seeing MHA end is heartbreaking, honestly. I'm watching something I truly love come to an end. We'll still have the anime, movies, and spin-off series to keep us busy for the next few years, but the manga that started it all is coming to a close. It feels so, so surreal. God, is this how the Haikyuu fandom felt when it’s manga ended? My hope is that this fandom can be kept alive long after the series is over. The MHA fandom DEFINITELY has it's flaws, but it also has a lot of good in it too. I have seen incredible art and fanfics come from this fandom. I have laughed and hyped up some of the best moments of MHA with people who love it too. I know that the fandom is collectively mourning its end and I know we'll all cry bittersweet tears when it ends. If anything, I am glad to see Kohei Horikoshi end his momentous story on his own terms. I hope it ends up being one of the best manga endings in recent Shonen Jump like how Haikyuu's was. I think Horikoshi can do it. Regardless of how it ends, My Hero Academia will be one of my favorite pieces of fiction. I am really glad to be here to celebrate it.

[ingravinoveritas]

The fact that in that scene in the doctor who special Donna’s about to go off with the doctor in the end and her husband is like yeah most husbands would be jealous of their wife hanging out with men in a small space alone but then he looks at the doctor and is like nah not him. Like he knows the doctor wouldn’t be interested in Donna in that way and that she was completely safe from cheating on her husband. Shaun took one look at the doctor and was like I know what you are . He was NOT worried about Donna being alone with him

So, I did watch the 60th special today, which I originally wasn't planning to do, since I'm not much of a Whovian. But curiosity got the better of me, and once your ask came in, I figured why not give it a watch.

After sitting through the whole episode, I still have no idea what the hell actually happened, or what a Metacrisis is, or why they were all fighting evil anthropomorphized dryer lint...but I was still thoroughly entertained. Haha. And there were moments I liked (disability rep with Shirley Bingham whose character actually wasn't about her disability but just her as a badass person!), moments I didn't like, and moments that made me unexpectedly emotional (the mention of Wilf, which given Bernard's passing last year was incredibly poignant and left me in tears).

But what I was really living for with this episode was how unbelievably and incredibly gay it was, in absolutely the most phenomenal way possible. Again, I want to emphasize that I am a very casual DW viewer, so I can't speak to previous seasons or incarnations, but this certainly felt like the queerest Doctor Who ep I have ever seen. The awesome Yasmin Finney as Rose. Describing the Doctor as "male...and female...and neither...and more." Having legend and lesbian extraordinaire Miriam fucking Margolyes as the voice of the Meep.

And of course, the moment you mentioned...

What's really interesting to me about this is so much of the writing in this episode was pretty on the nose (thinking in particular of the scene about the Meep's pronouns, which was very well meaning but felt a bit heavy-handed in both the writing and some of the delivery). But I wouldn't say Russell T. Daddy was really going for nuance in a lot of what ended up on screen, which is why this moment stands out and is so interesting and hilarious. You can almost feel Russell abruptly stop short of saying what this is clearly meant to be saying, and leaving it as subtext instead of, well...text. And I've mentioned on my blog previously about seeing the Doctor and Donna's (as well as David and Catherine's) chemistry as very "exasperated straight woman and her chaotic bisexual BFF," so this really seemed to validate the hell out of that. Haha.

So yes, overall, I enjoyed "The Star Beast" much more than I ever expected to, and I'm definitely intrigued to see what the other specials will entail (especially "The Giggle," since NPH is in that one, and the queer quotient will no doubt be off the charts, at least if the production stills/BTS I remember seeing last year are any indication). It will certainly be interesting to see if we get more moments like the one above with Fourteen (Ten? Ten-Four?), so I suppose we'll find out soon...

[squishyteri]

*Deep disappointed sigh*

I was thinking that I'll be sitting here at this time, writing about finishing another amazing drama, but instead I'm sitting here, absolutely baffled and beyond dissapointment and confusion.

What the hell just happened? That what what I've asked right after finishing the final episode of DFF. And the worst part is that I will actually never know what had happened.

Honestly, the drama started getting worse in episode 10. That was a whole mess (I've written entire post about it, read HERE ). Episode 11 was good in a terms of what it gave us, but it was at very wrong place. It was truly bad choice for the pre-finale ep, that was supposed to build up the tension for the final ordeal, so this Tee backstory felt anti-climatic.

And today, the finale came and it felt like I clicked on the wrong show. Am I really watching DFF? I asked in disbelief. I just couldn't believe what I saw.

I try to go one by one.

Starting with Fluke. That was actually the part I liked. He was the bywatcher. He just watched. So it was really good choice to let him stab his eyes out. But I hated that he didn't even know about it, since he died (most likely) while still being high on absinth. I HATE the choice of having him die. Him living blind, not being able to be a doctor would be such a great punishment for him.

Top ... Well, first of all, how are you still alive, buddy? But given the amount of people (1) that took way too long to die, I guess people in DFF universe are just slower at dying from very obvisouly fatal wounds. Him killing himself and taking Fluke with him was okay, I guess? I mean we know NOTHING about Top, so how could I know what is in character and what not?

Tee and White. Oh boy. I knew right away that us getting the emotional backstory of Tee is not a gift, it would come in an exchange of an inevitable traumatic experience. But this was not what I expected at ALL. If everything else was perfect, this would fit well. I feel like it's a good scene and great punishment for Tee to live with. ... If we KNEW what happened to Tee... but I'll get to that later.

(also like... White's character is so ... idk, he's just a random, innocent dude, who is there only for the purpose of dying ... not the mention he was really annoying to me at the beginning, like what was that about?)

Now here it comes. Jin. I ... I can't say much, because I think even Tumblr would ban me if I went into detail. Let's just say I did not expected Jin to be horny on main. I still don't understand how Jin was the one who posted the video (we had some evidence it might have been someone else), but if he did or thinks he did, it only makes sense his fear would be related to it. But even so, I think his fear should've been more about him not protecting Non. We know that Jin liked Non and wanted to protect him. So why is his biggest fear everyone knowing he's horny on main? We know from Copper himself that Jin should've been percieved as a good character, but him fearing that what he did to Non happens to him is sort of selfish and absolutely not something I thought about Jin. But let's be honest, bad writing was screwing Jin over since like ep 6 (and it was doing it even harder than Phee) (sorry for this one, I'm leaving the room now).

Now Phee. His fear is obvious and he's the only one getting out of the hallucinations and saving the day. (probably) I didn't understand his momentarily need to save New??? Like buddy, you are in this mess because of him??? But him getting the antidote, saving Jin and then coming back for Tee: amazing, hot, I loved it. Only sad that was like 2 minutes of this tragedy.

New. Oh, New. He was a guy broken beyond repair and I knew he will go. I mostly hoped he would end his life himself after realizing what he did and what happened to Non, but he was too lost for that. But I'm okay with his ending.

FINALLY the holy grail of dissapointment. The ending itself. It suddenly cutting to "2 Years Later" got me thinking That's it??? It didn't even have the shock point, because I was confused the entire time. I was thinking why on earth would you end it like that? Why are PheeJin having happy ending (not that I didn't want it, but not like this, not like this, mate) and why is Tee having the bad ending (really, why?) and like what happened? What did police say? Why we skipped two years ... and suddenly BOOM, they smacked me across my face with that "oh, how did we get out then and why is Non over there?" ending. Like WHAT?

HELLO?

REALLY?

Like you really made me sit through 11 episodes, making my judgement and assumptions about every single character, wanting their ending to be whatever I felt they deserve and instead of giving me the shock, happiness, sadness of what you cooked for them you GIVE ME NOTHING?! OF ALL POSSIBLE CHOICES, YOU GIVE ME NOTHING?!

Is this like write your own ending thing or-? WHY WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME HANGING.

Not to mention there are lot of things unexplained.

Was Jin the one who really posted the video? There were lot of contradictions to it.

How on earth did New manage to prepare everything and hurt Por? We just heard it from Phee, who couldn't have possibly known. And some things like weren't adding up, even if we have the hallucinations thing.

What happened to Keng? Like, is he dead? But we never saw the body. Really, what's with him?

Who are the survivors? We might assume Phee, Jin and Tee, but are they? Are they all dead? What happened to them? This was literally why we all were here and we don't even get that answer?

That ending was soooooo anticlimatic and out of place. This kind of ending can work, but in a slasher movie where we don't care about characters that much and we are there just for the blood and murders (A Nightmare on Elm Street does this wonderfully, for example) but not in a drama, where we spent HOURS learning backstories of each character (except Top, like who is he?) and want to know what is their destiny.

It's like if the ending of Harry Potter was Harry and Voldemort about to fight, then cut to the 19 Years Later scene, but Harry sees Voldemort on the platform and then cut to broken Hogwarts and then end credits. Like, nah, that doesn't work.

I don't want to make my or yours suffering any longer that needed, so I will end this here. I'm very sad, very disappointed and very confused. I feel like I was robbed. This drama was so good, but the writing team just gave up somewhere around episode 9. It's like when I think of good plot for a fic, but don't come up with the ending and have to write just whatever to not leave it open.

Yep, thank you for reading this. The best part about this drama was without the doubt being able to share my thoughts and theorize with everyone. Thank you guys for it.

Special thanks goes to my beloved friends @tbhimnoteasyonmyself @ayansbff @jeffsatursgender and @toonstuna, who were watching each episode along with me and today (and not just today, for like past month and half) were very nice, kind and patient to listen to me ranting about everything for hours (as they were all ranting themselves). Love you all, guys, really <3

Thank you everyone who has been through this with me. Hopefully next time we will meet again at something less disappointing.

Baya!

[cawdra]

Good question, @avvielalame-blog

GATHER 'ROUND, FOR I HAVE A STORY TO TELL ABOUT MY WEIRD HOSPITAL OPIOID TRIP THAT MADE ME HALLUCINATE NEW GOOD OMENS EPISODES:

Last year I went to the hospital. It was some cyst (idk the medical lingo), and it was painful af. They gave me some sort of strong opioid (again, no idea what the medical lingo is, but I think it was Buprensomethingsomething). Mind you, I was on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, but I hadn't taken them for almost a week, cuz I couldn't get out of my bed the whole time (before I eventually went to the hospital). I told them I was off that medication, and because the prescription is pretty old, they gave me the painkillers. TURNS OUT THE FUCKING MEDS WERE NOT OUT OF MY SYSTEM YET!!! So uhhh... yeah.

(If you don't know, mixing these two things can be very dangerous because they can raise dopamine levels too high or something, which is INCREDIBLY DANGEROUS!!! I'm a pretty large person, so this didn't hit me that hard (and also I was off the meds for longer than 24 hours), but if I was slightly less of a fatass and more of a responsible medicine taker, I might have actually been comatosed.)

Anyway, I was riding high that night. I didn't have anything else to do, so after seeing a good omens edit, my first thought was, "That seems gay. I'm in." So I turned on Prime and watched it all in one night. It's not like I was going to sleep in a ward full of screaming people anyway, so might as well make the most of it. The nurses told me to sleep, but I told them I wasn't sleepy, so they just gave me my antibiotics and, whatever else, took my temp and walked out. Did they care about the gay shit I was watching on my phone? No, they've seen worse.

Anyway, I watched the show, ugly cried for like an hour (harder than I did from the cyst that was torturing me for about a week), and then went to sleep at around 2 pm. When I woke up, I, as a responsible queer, decided to rant about it to my friends. After telling them all those things, one of my friends (who actually watched the show with his sister) said, "Are you sure the anesthesia didn't scramble your brain, cuz none of that happened lol."

When I tell you I was DEVISTATED!!! Literally a "You... you serious?" moment. Cried almost as much as I did at the ending.

Also, if you want to know: I had a dream about how the Ineffable Husbands teamed up with some nun (who was as much of a nun as she was a saint - only on a technicality) and they made her carry the Second Coming, which eventually got her kicked off the nunnery of whatever cuz 'These days, if you get pregnant as a nun, you won't be called ‘The Virgin Sarah’ or ‘The Virgin Linda’. You will be called ‘a common whore’. So much for being a virgin.' (Quote from my fanfic (and the weird opioid trip).

I don't know what the rest of the dream was because Mr. Party Pooper (aka my friend JK Juno ily (^з^)-☆) cut me off because I was talking nonsense.

Long story short, the painkillers got out of my system, I took my meds, renewed the prescription, and went on my still-on-going recovery journey.

Did I suffer two heartbreaks in less than 12 hours? Yes. Were they worth it? Eh. I mean, it inspired my fanfic, but wasn't THAT worth it. Did I enjoy my trip? No, I threw up, had diarrhea, and then constipation for two weeks.

I still get an awful surprise when I rewatch Good Omens for a specific scene, only to find out AGAIN that I was just hallucinating.

Moral of the story - don't do drugs and be honest with your doctors and nurses cuz you might actually die.

Anyways, TOODLES!!1!!111!!!

~ CAwdra

[catboygirljoker]

What were your thoughts about KHearts before you got into it vs Now having been into it? Also late welcome to the community hope you've had fun!

thankyou :D!! i have had fun, sitting in my little crevice and exporting my xigbar images and xigbar posts. im happy that people have connected with it in some way :]

thoughts about KH before i got into it:

for some reason i was under the impression that the games were about a boy who has dreams about disney worlds. and he has regular size feet in the real world and only has big feet in the dream world. i also think he traveled with mickey and not donald or goofy

also for some reason i was under the impression that ventus was sora's dad. it was not until i actually watched the cutscenes in birth by sleep and saw lea and isa that i realized OH. this is NOT as far back on the timeline as i thought it was

images of a spiky red boy and a spiky blond boy and a black haired depressed girl eating ice cream together with lots&lots of people sobbing in the replies. (REALLY emphasized the slow creeping emotional dread of that game for me. like golly i sure hope i dont get emotionally destroyed like all those other people! and then i , was)

when i was in middle/high school i had friends who were super into it, but i was never able to play it because my parents had a policy of No Consoles. we were allowed to have handhelds, though, because my family took frequent road trips, so when i found out that there was a KH game for DS i said to a friend "oh, cool! dyou think id be able to play it without playing the other games?" and she looked at me, and looked at her copy of Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, and said "........no"

only ~15 years later do i realize how funny of a question that was

thoughts about KH as i was getting into it:

too numerous to count. i shall attempt to keep it moderately brief

last year my husband listened to a podcast called "lore dump" where people explain the lore of different media to each other, and they did an episode/series on kingdom hearts, and i heard some pretty WaCkY sTuFf (i specifically remember them explaining what the recusant's sigil is, in the context of xigbar explaining that they'd been tracking sora and riku through the story of DDD)

found a vod of one of my favorite streamers streaming 1 and 2 to benefit abortion rights in texas, and i was like, well, here's my chance, heh, im gonna understand all of the WaCkY LoRe

i start up the stream. within the first 15 minutes i Get it. like it feels very dated in a lot of ways but i instantly understood what made people connect so strongly with this series. even as someone who didn't grow up with any attachment to it, and was a little put off of it even by how into it my friends were, to me kh1 is just pure high octane nostalgia. the tone is so specific and warm and bittersweet. i cried multiple times during the ending. it just really got to me! i was hooked!

when i fixate on a media property i like to have a hot person to chew on. i really. really thought it was gonna be axel. he is exactly the kind of character i would've fixated on when i was younger, when i had friends who were into KH. older mentor figure character who takes younger characters under his wing. associated with fire. projects brash confidence. k,ills people. he's a really good character! i love him a lot! every time he appears on screen i get on all fours and start barking! and there's all this fanart and merch and...then i got distracted......

hey blake in early 2023. it's me, blake in late 2024. have you heard of kingdom hearts. yeah. yeah youre gonna get really into it. yeah youre gonna have the longest running blorbo since you mega-fixated on the tenth doctor when you were 14. yeah. yeah um. you know the clip where the guy says "me? i'm already half xehanort!" and sora says "that's..nuts!"? yeah that guy? yeah. yeah. that guy. the half xehanort guy. yeah youre gonna make a fool of yourself online for that guy.

[cherryblossomforest]

19th & 20th September 2024

19th:

Today I had to take Giggles to the vet for more vaccinations and more flea and worm treatment as I didn't have any more. I'm ensuring her health checks are all up to date because I think I've fallen off the ball with that.

She was a bit nervous at the vet but wasn't meowing or scared. She wanted to hide and her crate was on the floor so I made a cup with my hands and she hid her face in it which was enough for her to feel safe. It was absolutely adorable. I gave her many head rubs and scratches behind her ears which she loved and she purred which was reassuring.

The car ride always makes her a bit nervous but she's soooo much better than she was before. I play some LoFi instrumentals when she's super anxious but on the way back she barely cried at all and took a nap. It makes me happy that she's starting to feel safe in the car because then I can take her on more adventures and she won't be so nervous :)

One thing I do need to get on top of is her dental hygiene. It's tough because she hates it but it needs tending to so I need to invest in some things! I don't want her to end up having any problems in the future.

When I got back home I rested some more and got to preparing for my job interview. I wasn't anxious but I was nervous. I got some examples I wanted to use also and by the time my interview took place I was feeling more confident. I answered all the questions quite quickly but also in enough detail and I taught one of the interviewers something about mental health which felt super nice. She said what I explained was quite nice to learn so I hope I made a good impression and I did feel like it was a good interview too. I was kinda buzzing after.

I was reminded that for someone who's in crisis, I'm doing quite a pretty good job right now! It felt nice to have Elodie around for the interview and it felt nice to remember things from work which I hadn't thought about in years. I really hope I get this job because it would be perfect for me to work from home and earn enough to support myself, travel and pay off my debts. Then I can eventually start paying for private therapy too and get a knowledgeable therapist. I need that and I really do think I deserve this too! Another thing is that I can hire a cleaning service to help me deep clean my home because I can't do it with my pain and mobility problems so that'll also make me feel so much better and I know I can pay my friend to help me too.

I decided to watch Forrest Gump which sent my brain into a bit of an overdrive I think. I ended up being so tired that I couldn't keep my eyes open. Just so exhausted! It definitely was triggering watching it again as an adult but very very relatable too in so many ways. Forrest definitely is autistic and Bubba too.

I ended up sleeping at completely the wrong time so I'm up at a weird time. I have my doctor's appointment tomorrow and I see my doctor and I just really need her to help me. I need my meds increased and I need a care coordinator or social worker. I need better support or I'm going to end up back in the hospital and I just really don't want to end up back there but I get no support and I really need it.

20th:

I thought I was having an episode... I thought the ceiling was going to collapse because of a noise I was hearing which I couldn't identify. Messed-up sleeping patterns mess up my mental health dramatically. The noise was coming from my upstairs neighbours but the anxiety that it was the ceiling about to cave in was farfetched...

I need to sleep

My sleep was really bad and idk why it has to be like this. I had a nightmare that I just couldn't get away from someone and they even found me on this blog and they showed me not nice pictures that they took of me that I couldn't remember (I basically had amnesia for the events and another part was present...but more in a way that they wanted to hide it from me too and was happy - since when did I have DID in my dreams??) That was overwhelming and it felt so real that I woke up feeling like it was real. That's always my biggest fear.

I'm so tired and stiff that I've ended up late for my freaking doctors appointment and I want to cry because I had one job but I'm so exhausted. I feel sedated. If this doesn't work out I want to give up now... I'm ngl.

It was so lovely to see my Doctor she's so lovely! As soon as I sat down she was like "Is it getting bad again [name]?" and from that moment I was holding back tears and that surprised me. She asked me if I was getting support from family and I explained that we had a bereavement in January and she remembered it was Dead Brother then she asked me if I was getting support which I wasn't. She asked me what's been happening and I explained that every September I get so much worse and I feel so bad. She asked if it's an anniversary for anything and asked me to specify and I actually managed to say it's a trauma anniversary from being raped which was so confronting but such improvement on my part. She then asked me who and I explained Dead Brother.

I think this is significant because I tend to think I talk about what's going on with me a lot and I reallllyy don't. This blog is the only place I actually talk about my feelings and not even my doctor knows much about me. That's bad. This was something my old ED T also said to me and I thought I opened up to her a lot. I really don't talk to people and I'm always holding everything in. Even my friends say this too so it must be true.

Anyway, my doctor has increased my Mirtazapine to the highest at 45mg and wants to see me in 2 weeks. She's also referred me to the crisis team (🙄) and a mental health practitioner to talk to as well. I see them on Monday. She said she's going to refer me to see a social subscriber which will help me get out of the house and maybe do things and for the first time I'm going to give it a go. She even said if I really don't like it I don't have to go so that's reassuring.

Right now it's been 30 minutes that I've been in this car park at the gp so I'm going to find somewhere to go...

Sometimes I wonder why it feels like the world just wants me to die, I try so hard all the time to get help and keep myself safe and it's just like no one cares enough to help. As much as I'm grateful for this help from my doctor and I truly am... if me reaching out for desperate help for another year doesn't work I'm so done trying. I'm so tired.

Oh my God I am so tired of being so alone.

All I want to do is listen to music but I know the music that I want to listen to will make me feel worse.

I'm not sure if it was my first time admitting what Dead Brother did, but it was definitely the first time telling a professional or anyone in person and my brain is going crazy.

Yep. First time saying the words out loud. Wow. That wasn't a good idea in the middle of September... body memories and flashbacks have started but I've taken 2mg Lorazepam to help calm everything down normally 1mg is does a good job but rn I'm struggling. I'm also being distracted by my loved ones which feels nice and I'll most likely cry some more.

Why is this September different? I'm remembering more memories even before the doctors appointment. It's so bad... so so bad...

[mileapo]

'Apo-Nattawin' faith and belief that effort never betrays dreams.

 Before the day, I had the opportunity to talk with Apo. We looked at his IG first. And then was struck by the cute and fun poses of the pictures and reels he took with Doraemon. 

   “Very cute. And then when I went to see the biography of the person who wrote Doraemon (Fujio Fujiko), it was really cool. With the fact that he wrote down each chapter from his travels abroad and photographed it. Before drawing it into various episodes in Doraemon, when I was a kid I liked Doraemon. And read a lot of comic books. Whether Naruto or Doctor Slum,” Apo talks about what he got from the futuristic cat robot and continues:

 “As an ambitious child, there will be a feeling that everything can happen. And Doraemon makes us feel that everything can really happen. I like that the writer has imagination and is able to express that. What is his imagination? That means that belief or imagination can actually happen. And it inspired me.” 

Do you remember the picture of yourself as a child? What was Apo like?

If you go back to Boy Apo, you can see pictures of him and the city of Hua Hin. He was there. In a tenement house, living with parents, siblings, and grandmother. The family atmosphere is Thai-Chinese, we are used to parents speaking Thai and talking to children in Thai. But I will speak Chinese with Grandma. My family is a big, warm family.  

It feels like a Chinese child if our parents speak Chinese to Grandma and Grandpa. Can you hear it?

  I can hear it when he curses (laughs). It's when Grandma and Grandpa secretly talk to their parents. Complaining about us in Chinese to our parents. And when he speaks often, we will remember that this word is a curse word.   It's like he's finished talking to us. Then scolding us and our parents. That's about it.

I know that when I was a child, I loved to pray with my mother.

 I may not remember all the moments from that time. But my mother always told me that when I was a child When I cried, my mother would lead me up to pray with her. Which is already my mother's daily routine, So she took me up to pray with her. Because when we pray, we become quiet and gradually absorb it. 

That's a picture of one activity you often did as a child.

Yes, when I was a child I didn't go out and play like other kids. For example, on New Year's, other people go out to play, go to temple festivals, watch fireworks, but for me, my parents take me to the temple to pray and make merit. As a child, there are activities that I always do at the temple with my family. That was a religious activity. When I entered Mathayom 4, I had to transfer from Hua Hin Wittayalai School to study at Yothinburana School in Bangkok. And that was the first time I realized that what our parents really instilled in us. 

How?

When I moved to live alone, at first I was happy, feeling like a child who was now free. I know I'm growing up. But I'm staying in Bangkok for a while until the New Year festival. Eh... Where should I go? Other people have plans to travel there and here. But I can't imagine. My childhood memories take me back again. That is, going to the temple. So I went to Wat Amphawan in Sing Buri Province. Take the train to celebrate the New Year with yourself there, that is, go pray. 

You said you went alone. It shows that you are a person who likes to do things alone. Have you ever felt lonely?

Actually, I have an older sister and a younger brother. But we weren't very close when we were kids. My older sister is at an all-girls school. As for his younger brother, he is at a boarding school. My parents tend to give their children a lot of freedom. So I'm not sure if I'm lonely or not. Because I saw my parents working hard. With the belief that education is important. We cannot deny that education comes with expenses. He works and sends us to study to have knowledge. Our children's duty is to study, so we don't feel lonely even though our parents still work hard. 

It's said that changing schools takes you out of your comfort zone.

     It's like starting a new life. Like putting clothes in a bag (laughs) because I studied in Hua Hin at the same school from kindergarten until the end of Mathayom 3. Changing schools is already a big deal. But moving provinces, moving is like having to learn a new life. We are like fish out of water. Because when I came to study in Bangkok, I didn't have any friends yet. As for his friends at school, he has a group that he has studied with since childhood. It's called having to continually adapt.

Coming to a new life in Bangkok It's like a path that was drawn to work in the entertainment industry.

     I started by working first. Then had the opportunity to get to know P'Bem. He was the one who brought me to cast a drama on Channel 3, which overlapped with the time I was entering Rangsit University. And it's a young age where we don't have to follow many rules anymore. I didn't have to cut it. We wear whatever clothes we want to wear. I didn't study from morning until evening. I feel like I've grown into an adult. In addition, he also came to act in his first drama.

Sod Revenge Saen Rak It's the first drama where you worked with a big actor. And this drama is very famous.

     Yes, but the drama will focus on the timeline of the senior generation. As for me, I'm a new kid, I'm very new, so people don't know me a bit. 

GQ: But many people know Apo's name precisely from the first drama. But after that, you disappeared from the industry.

I disappeared. It's just thinking that people only have one life. So what will we do in life? That day, I was 25 years old and had not yet made a final decision with myself about which direction to take. One day we were filming a drama. Then there are 2 dramas a year. They finish filming, go out to work, and then start filming a new drama. Life is just a loop. There isn't much variety. In fact, I want to work on something that is diverse. I've been acting in dramas since I was 19 years old, and doing modeling, but I've never tried any other careers. In addition to playing the role of a character That is to do the career of that character. So I asked myself, should I go find something to do first? Even though at that time I loved being an actor. But I want to try and find something to do to fight for my life. It's really life, of one man, how to fight. First of all, I decided to focus on finishing my studies first. Then gradually go to settle in a foreign country.

GQ: That's the United States.

Yes, I went to New York with the intention of becoming an actor. I wanted to try. I always thought, if I had to leave tomorrow. And I haven't fulfilled my dream yet, I will regret it. But if I did it today, whatever the result will be, whatever it is. We just stepped out. That's all it takes to be happy. 

GQ: How did you start following your dreams?

     I sell everything. Selling here and there privately. Then collect all the clothes you have in Thailand. I mean, I guess I won't come back. The time when we were slowly packing up our things and booking plane tickets. Manage everything It's like life is about to start over. At that time, it was like, oh... This is the feeling of a person who dares to make a decision or do something seriously. Because all this time, my work is just modeling and acting. To be honest, it's about earning money. Which for me may not be the answer. Because when there is a good script or character, that will only be forwarded into the channel's working system.

GQ: What was it like starting a new life there? And what do you clearly see of the people there?

     Let's start with the culture of the people there. I will explain it like this. Can you imagine that? In New York, we just step out of the house. No one walked slowly. If you don't walk the dog or eat anything, no one walked slowly. Everyone walks quickly. Therefore, it means that everyone has goals for their daily life. which we are one of them. It makes me feel happy to be in a place where everyone has the same energy as me. 

     Later, my first goal was to enter acting school. which requires a lot of money It's like having to have extra money to back up for university. I want to attend the William Esper Studio acting school, which aside from costing a lot of money, Must apply for visa correctly. So I went to study the language first.

     But because the cost of living there is very high. And my background is not any type of person. You can sleep any way you want. At least if we have to live somewhere. Or we can do something to get us to the place we choose. It's better than having to save everything. Or go to a place where we don't want to be. If so, I would like to use more energy to stay in a good environment and room. That means I have to work harder. To be in the Bedford Avenue area, I think energy here is us. Because I think the Manhattan side is not energy like us.

Cutting back to the room, the room only has this space. (He assembled it by hand.) There was no wardrobe. I use the method of placing the suitcases close together. On the other side is a bed and a desk. which I need to fold all the laundry Allocate it to all areas. And on top of the head is a heater that can hold a few things that don't look too dangerous . Well, when I'm in a situation like this, I'm... well, that's really cool. That we live in a place we like, but oh my, the living conditions are very difficult. But I try to remember that day and say, OK, if one day we grow up, we will never forget this day. We have tried doing something like this. And then I was very happy. 

GQ: From a child who lives with a large family. There are parents to take care of. Then one day I had to go live abroad, which was like having to start a new life. Was there any event where you felt like you were truly out of your shell?

     Our families may not be very close. But I was taken care of by my parents, who could say that they made sure that even the littlest things, like assuming we were in Bangkok, Then he said he wanted a razor. He would buy it from Hua Hin and drive it to me. That is, he is a parent who loves his children and takes care of them that much. So that means I almost never have to fight on my own. 

     Until one day when I was in America, I went to buy oranges and remembered that 3 oranges cost 1.5 dollars. I thought "what if they were wrong?" So we I a picture. Okay, take 3 oranges and pay. It turned out that the employee was charging 1 coin per orange, making a total of 3 coins. That is, he was charging more than the promotional price at that time, so we, ah, got on with it (laughs). I took a picture for them to look at and said you were wrong. At that time, in my heart I was secretly afraid that he would scold me back. But as soon as he finished, what he replied was ' Ok fine! ' at that moment. It was the moment when I felt like, "Hey! You can do it here.

     I walked out and stood in front of the store and held an orange and a receipt. Hey! He has given the wrong amount. He has given too much because of my love of justice. So I went back and told him again. I can remember the moment it came out. If it's a movie We were standing and the camera must have tracked in front of us. Then the camera panned up to the sky. Like the picture in the movie The Shawshank Redemption where Andy Dufresne gets out of prison . My feeling is like being free like that. 

     From the normal time of buying things I've never looked at what, how much, if it's the correct change. I've never looked at a receipt since I was born. Because someone takes care of us His parents will buy it for him. So I'm used to having my parents take care of me. But that day was the day I grew up! (smile)

GQ: Your life changed because of oranges.

     Yes, it was one of the turning points because of Orange.

GQ: And another turning point that cannot be denied is that Kinn Porsche The Series has not made you known only in Thailand. But it goes far to the global level.

     Speaking of that time, I still didn't understand anything. But when Be On Cloud came to do it, we knew right away that this was a turning point. He came and spread out the whole pattern, the script, the characters, everything. Okay, we started to see the picture. See the script being developed Until it started to get intense That's important because everyone believes the same thing. No one on the team said it was impossible. Everyone will believe that it is possible. Even I myself have never seen anything like Kinn Porsche have done before. The B on Cloud team and I did our very best and with every imagination we believed it would be possible.

     Assuming 100 percent, it's possible 50-60 if you really work globally. It means their technology, their equipment, their creativity. Including various cultures Bring it together with us It should be able to create really cool work. Suppose you work with Christopher Nolan (Christopher Nolan), how many people in the world will there be? that can tell the story of the universe and we believe it really exists Or maybe he doesn't have him. But it can make us feel like we are part of it. How do you know what that era was like? Just a book with only drawings and letters. But he can make it out. If so, we want to try to carry out our intentions. Then mix it Or try to work with people at the global level who have cutting-edge equipment or thinking methods. I think it would be fun. At least I just want to do it. I'm very happy.

GQ: Do you think it's effort or ambition? What's more important?

     We have to come together. If you're ambitious, then you don't try. It would be like asking for a blessing from a monk and then not getting the job done. 

GQ: Nowadays, if you choose to do a piece of work, What do you think is basic?

     I will consider that tomorrow we may not be on this planet anymore. Suppose we are not alive. Then we turned around and looked. What are we proud of? What have we done for anyone? As of today, this is one thing that we are very proud of. So it's a fan club. They are not just supporting us. But they intend to come and support us. Stay tuned for our work. Every time we have to do our best. We send happiness We send them our full love because it is give and take.

     Therefore, we must intend to give. So what do we have? We may not have anything to offer. But we have eyes that can comfort you. We have words that can help heal your heart. We have positive energy to give her. We can exchange it. She definitely didn't come to waste. I feel that this is one thing that we are very proud of that we have done for the people who love us. 

GQ: Do you think that the entertainment industry, if not including money, how has it changed you?

     A lot has changed. Like just now, I thought that all the time I was working (Fashion shoot with GQ Thailand ) Seriously, money is the last item. Because I will choose the choice that if we are not here, have you done anything for anyone yet? OK, money has to be spent. But what has changed is that I want to create pride in what we have done for others.

GQ: How do you see the future of your acting career?

     I still have dreams of working at the global level. Like many actors, for a person to become famous, he must be dedicated. This is what I like about New York: it's a melting pot and everything moves so fast. If you can't do it, you leave and let someone who is more skilled come in and do it. Because there are hundreds of people who can do better than you. But what should you do to be able to survive? Everyone is equally talented. Everyone might be better at it. I think this is the coolness. I want to study what he thinks, what he sees, how he lives his life. What are your plans in life? Because right now we don't just want money.

GQ: You have a goal and you have to reach it.

   I believe there is no one on earth who says we have to be like this, have to do this, but I believe, I believe, I believe.

GQ: One day we will see what you want to do and be successful.

Thank you. At least I have to do what I want to do (smiles).

[13docwriting]

NOTE: this post was made on November 26th, 2023, before the 60th specials aired. I wasn't going to post it but due to the recent episodes, I feel it really fits. It's me, more than a year after the Power of the Doctor! As time moves on and more spoilers / interviews / trailers / content comes out for the 60th (and then some), my already limited hope continues to dwindle for human kindness. Why? Here's my twenty page essay down below! (I'm not kidding, it's 20 pages)

The Thirteenth Doctor has been a life changer for me, as many could tell from my username. Chibnall's series came to me in the midst of the pandemic and a very hard time in my life. Ironically, my motivation for watching DW once again after more than a four year hiatus of the show was actually the idea of the Doctor being a woman. My reason to stay, however, was the stories we received. I've lived through the Chibnall and Jodie bashing on this hell-site in real time. I've read downright nasty comments on any/all of Doctor Who's social media posts about thirteen's series. I've seen people call each other horrible names for simply liking one of the Thirteenth Doctor's episodes... And now, as her series has ended a year ago, I'm even more saddened to see her era get pushed to the side as if to be forgotten. Nobody came at me with the whole "it's not because of Chibnall/Jodie's era! DW just needed a reboot!" I would have agreed! I would have agreed that a fresh coat of paint would have helped DW gain some more traction, especially in the states! The more people who watch DW, the better! But the change RTD is presenting and the continued changes come at the cost of dealing with bullies online and defending something I love with all my heart.

I'd like to remind everyone that Chris Chibnall did not just barge his way into Doctor Who. He has written episodes for DW for a while before he took over as showrunner. Tenth Doctor: 42 Eleventh Doctor: The Hunger Earth, Cold Blood, Pond Life, Dinosaurs in a Spaceship, the Power of Three. Recognize some of those titles? Yeah, even when I was a wee lass, those were some of the best episodes DW had ever done. "42" scared the crap out of me in the best way, "Dinosaurs in Spaceship" had me smiling ear to ear, etc. etc.

Don't just take my word for it, read some of the reviews for those episodes. They are highly positive if not still mid-range.

That being said, I have a hard time believing that every single one of Jodie's episodes have been awful. And, if not outright stated as awful, certainly below every single nuwho Doctor.

Was there some not-so-great episodes? Yeah, of course! But every Doctor has had some questionable episodes. With a show that has a new plot nearly every episode, you're going to have some misses! My point being... Chibnall CAN write good episodes and, with that being said... Why HAS Thirteen's era been considered one of the worsts? Well, I think it's because, as always, people hate change. We've just come off of Twelve's era which was rooted in deep and meaningful conversations with a underlying of, dare I say it, Time Lord Victorious. Twelve holds a special place in my heart for the amount of care he showed through his era. From the Twelve's darkest moments, Thirteen is born. Thirteen is a ray of sunshine that holds hope in the palm of her hand. She's happy, bubbly, and ready to smile. She wants the universe and everything it has to offer and she's ready to travel the stars again.

Chibnall introduces a series of stories that are rooted in that hope. There's kindness at every turn, there's compassion, there's empathy... Is that the reason people hate her era? No. A new Doctor has never stopped anyone from getting back into the show. So, it's the writing, you say? I have one thing to say to that: Prove it. Point me in the direction of bad writing without ONCE mentioning the word "woke". If you found Jodie's era to be preachy, perhaps there's a reason that you take offense to it. DW has always been a progressive show and it will forever stay that way. And I am the first one to admit that, again, there are weak episodes. There IS some bad writing, but the hate that Jodie's ENTIRE era gets, I feel, is unjustified. So, if not writing, must be the acting! Where? When? I had no problem watching Jodie Whittaker be the Doctor. She's quirky and fun and eccentric... She has a thousand different emotions on her face at one time. Any actor that knows how much a smile can hide is a talented one. Besides that, her work on Broadchurch and her newer works (One Night, Time) have some raving reviews. She clearly has talent. So, not the acting or writing... Companions, then? Why? "The fam" had all of their moments to shine. I won't say their character arcs were perfect, especially for Ryan and Graham, but they did have their own arcs. Was it the fact that there were three totally separate companions at once? Was it just too big a job? I can't answer that one. I personally felt that they all got a good ending, one that makes sense and that isn't tragic for the sake of tragedy. This my be my opinion piece, but I liked having multiple companions that had their own little storyline, but that's MY opinion and I'm fine with someone calling me out on that. Let's go really basic... It's because the Doctor isn't meant to be woman, right? Oh, so, the Master can be a woman and that's totally fine, but when it's the Doctor... Woman can be villains but they can't be the main protagonist, right? I didn't see people up and arms over Missy, why was Thirteen so different? I remember seeing her very first introduction trailer and having people immediately be upset by the gender change. Well, forget my opinions, let's look at the statistics and viewings numbers, right?

HOW ABOUT NO. Remember the writing strike that just ended? Remember how regular cable has been nearly done with? Remember how writers are fighting to earn something for streaming services? We can't rely on normal/live views while a literal pandemic was happening, while streaming has become the norm, while watching online for free has existed for so long... Views have CHANGED. The way people consume media has changed, especially during the pandemic. Now, for an excuse... The pandemic happened. It changed how people were filming, it changed how close people could get to one another in terms of acting, it changed filming times and locations. I can't confirm, but I know that the Flux storyline was cut by two whole episodes, which could be the reason a lot of people felt disappointed by the end of the Flux. Chibnall and Thirteen's era had so many real-life obstacles to overcome that past era's did not have to deal with.

I'm tired, alright? I'm tired of defending my love for a character. And to have that love be spat out in the form of a different writer by.... 1. Discarding the Thirteenth Doctor's iconic outfit after a regeneration for the first time ever (under the guise of calling it "drag" if Tennant was to wear her outfit even after a male co-star had just worn it.) 2. Introducing a very popular Doctor back into the show ("to gain views") 3. Doing a soft reboot by calling the new season "season 1" (could be Disney's fault, but I'm not entirely sure of that fact) Every day I read another article about how RTD is "saving" Doctor who when I myself have been saved by the Doctor already. I didn't ever need to justify my love of a character until today.

[ananke-xiii]

for @slutsons-blog 💖

I'll explain the genesis of this post in case anyone else is interested!

The frame of reference of the post is basically the way I see Cas from s6 unitl 15x18 which I guess you haven't watched yet? But you're on this website so I must presume you know what happens in that episode, right? It's the episode where Cas says this:

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want… It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know… I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it.

I'm not denying the pathos of the moment and its poetry and I understand its importance in the wrapping up of Castiel's arc for s15. However, I personally have huge problems with this way of thinking about happiness. If I put my thinking cap on I'm very suspicious of that equivalence where happiness = not having = just being = just saying. I find it profoundly false and purposely vague which makes it more interesting to analyze.

Then there's the notion of "true happiness" which always makes my ears perk up because, you know, "truth" is a super loaded topic and combined with that of "happiness" you might as well have the recipe for a philosophical bomb in your hands.

What this little declaration sounds to me is very dangerously close to the famous "happiness real only when shared", the annotation that Christopher McCandless wrote next to a passage from the novel "Doctor Zhivago", a story also about a difficult love between two people that ultimately ends in death. The passage was the following:

And so it turned out that only a life similar to the life of those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an unshared happiness is not happiness, so that duck and vodka, when they seem to be the only ones in town, are not even duck and vodka. And this was most vexing of all.

I haven't read the novel so I couldn't really speak about it but it seems to me that its political aspect shouldn't be ignored given that Boris Pasternak was faced with the threat of exile by the Communist Party (among other things) upon news of being the recipient of the Nobel Prize for that specific novel.

In this light the collectivist dream of "merging without a ripple" has some serious ominous undertones, therefore "happiness" in that passage might (or might not, again I haven't read the book, I just know of its context) as well be equivalent to omologation and comformity.

Now, of course, while I don't know and forever won't know what McCandless took from that passage that made him write the "happiness real only when shared" famous annotation, I do know that in mainstream culture this has come to mean, that is that the only real, or I might just say "true", happiness is when you share life with other people or when, I might just say, you reveal your feelings to other people. Which still hasn't solved my issue: what does true/real happiness mean? what do "real" and "true" mean and how do these adjectives affect "happiness" and decide when it's real/true and when it's not? And, finally, who dictates what reality and truth are? It seems to me that the answer to the question has just been shifted but not resolved.

And I think it's not resolved because we keep imagining our society as based on lack, on the things we can't have and never will which is a phallogocentric view of the world.

This is where the "lacanian supernatural" idea of my post comes from. If you wanna explore the inner workings of my brain, more below.

I'll try to be brief which means I'll have to oversimplifly lots of stuff which means this stuff will not be properly contextualized but these French philosophers/psychoanalysts talked.and.wrote.A.LOT. and then they modified their views during the years and also it's been 7 years since I'm done with them so it is what it is, that is I hope it'll make sense.

Basically Lacan revisited Freud's works and posited that the real trauma for people is not literally related to sex but, more symbolically, to language. He used Freud's Oedipal complex to express that the paternal function doesn't mean an actual fear of castration but it's the function that imposes the Law and defines what can be desired and attained and what cannot. For Lacan, it's not about the anatomical penis, but about the "phallus" which is a symbolic signifier of lack and sexual difference. To put it bluntly, the lacanian father(s, there are actually three fathers but let's not go there for now) is what comes between the child and the mother and tells the child: you are not your mother (but "I am your father" hahahah lol little joke), in this way he makes the child desire to go back to being one with the mother and makes the child enter the world of language which is the world of the "Law" (life like it is established to be lived: norms, social relations, kinship relations etc).

Now we have a problem Houston 'cause yes, castration is not literal, cool, but it's still something that happens. According to Lacan what gets castrated is the "jouissance": the lack of jouissance is what constitutes the subject. Now, what is this jouissance, you may ask? Well, it can't be translated into English. It can be translated as "enjoyment" altough you might want to bear in mind that "jouir" in French also means "to have an orgasm", just fyi.

Here Lacan expanded on Freud's "pleasure principle" because he differentiated between "plaisir" (pleasure) and "jouissance". "Plaisir" still obeys Freud's "pleasure principle" (everything we do, we do it to obtain pleasure and avoid unpleasure) while "jouissance" is trangressive because it goes "beyond the pleasure principle". According to Freud beyond this fucking principle there's only death: in other words humans tend towards death (the death drives). "Jouissance" is therefore both enjoyment and the road to death.

In Lacan's view "jouissance" cannot be experienced because the world is ruled by the symbolic signifier of the phallus which dictates a life based on lack as per above. For Lacan jouissance cannot be reached even by sex, the jouissance in sex is just a fantasy related to body parts. Now don't ask me why but later in life Lacan started to rethink some of the stuff he said and basically he started saying that there is an "other jouissance*", which is a "feminine jouissance" that can be experienced because it's a jouissance of the body that his "beyond the phallus" (which to me seems a total contradiction of his other points but okay, I guess), but which is nevertheless an "étrange" meaning "strange" jouissance. From this "étrange" stuff he went on to play on the word as "être-ange", meaning to be an angel, to talk about asexual jouissance.

*This concept of the "other jouissance" was then used by some French feminists, notably Cixous, to describe women's sexual pleasure and, more broadly, women's ability to create and be creative (as I said I'm oversimplifying so don't come at me tumblr academics). So no more death drive talks people, this is about creation and joy and pleasure beyond the phallus.

Finally, I want to say that I don't agree with almost anything of the above, but it's still interesting to read stuff through lacanian lenses cause some of his takes are like a trip or something hahahah. Quite a few philosophers have criticized Lacan, namely Derrida because they were like: dude, even if it's not the real thing you're basing everything on the phallus, are you okay? 'Cause, like, as you can see Lacan's central idea is the "phallus" that, anatomical or not, still gives meaning to everything. This is what Derrida calls "phallogocentrism" (the centering on the phallus + logos) i.e. the Western tendency to privilege language and the masculine point of view to create and shape discourses. Other philosophers like Deleuze and Guattari in "Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia" have criticized Lacan because his theories were based on a concept of desire as lack while for them desire is very much active, present and an affirmative vital force. They have also criticized the idea of the Other (which in Lacan is the mother but, again, there technically are three mothers but, as I've said, we won't go there) as the negative difference through which the norm (the Law) is established and have advanced the notion of positive difference, aka an Other that's not a minus compared to the Law.

And this is what I meant when I wrote in the tag that Berens is my enemy because saying that happiness is in "just saying it" means that what's important is the language and the word and that's it's okay to want and not having because desire is lack and like, no dude, not at all.

Sooooooooooooo. Are you still there?

I will proceed to translate my post now LOL.

in the lacanian (= a world founded on the phallus, therefore on lack and where desire is unattainable) supernatural that damingingly lives in my head (as you can see) the one thing castiel wants and he knows he can't have is the other jouissance (women's sexual pleasure and ability to create) but he can't have it because the narrative forces him back into his incorporeal être-ange role (an angel who has no sex and no body and cannot therefore experience other jouissance) while he pretty much wants to have a body and, dare i say, suffers from a little bit of womb envy (just my headcanon that does have some solid proof because Castiel is very closely associated with mothers, births, portals, rifts and children) because that angel doesn't have a death drive but a birth drive (as I said, he doesn't want to die, he actually wants to give birth and create but the narrative, which is lacanian, says no, you can't have that so RIP, see you in your next resurrection and, btw, from s6 you're obvi also gonna be a neurotic, good luck babe!)

Wow, this was a very, very convoluted way of saying transmasc cas rights but yeah.

[spoofymcgee]

i'm going to fucking cry.

i've finished watching the doctor falls and just.

augh.

not in any particular order:

- aaaaaaaaaa the way they keep cutting between human!bill and cyberman!bill based on who's looking at her and how she sees herself

- the way the doctor catches alit before she can run away from bill, reassures her that there's nothing wrong with trying to help even if you fail

- the horror of the mondasian cybermen, the rubber suits, this is exactly what was missing from death in heaven–the fact that the cybermen are zombies, they're conscious, they're rotting flesh incased in metal, they're humanity's insistence on dragging their own dead body behind them into the future

- the way the end of bill's arc is that she is not her body, without saying that her appearance doesn't matter, because it does, because she's very particular about how she chooses to express herself but that doesn't mean she can't move on, because she can recognize that who she is is not the body she was born into, which is exactly what the cybermen can't

- the utter tragedy of the fact that she can't even get angry about what's happening to her (and while i do think this was a little clumsy and heavy handed, and i think it can be interpreted as racist, i did think it was less 'oh she's a black woman so her anger is more dangerous' and more 'here is a character who is so very emotional and has been the whole time, who's core character trait is her feelings, who has used those emotions to save the world time and again, and she does not want to exist if she can't be herself')

- i do wish we'd spent more time on heather's appearance and bill's ending, but i'm not going to argue with the fact that doctor who, a show i'm pretty sure holds the record for how quickly they can pull a bury your gays (30 seconds) giving a Black lesbian companion the most permanent happy ending possible

- no because seriously they get to be happy together FOREVER

- AND SHE SAVES THE DOCTOR ONE MORE TIME AND DOESN'T HAVE TO DIE TO DO IT

- to me it felt like the story really wrapped around and closed up in world enough and time, and this episode was just tying off ends and closing corners, but seeing as moffat has a serious problem with open plot threads, i'm not super upset about it

- i know some people think that twelve refusing to regenerate doesn't make sense for his character but i personally disagree with that because the only doctors so far in nuwho (that i have seen) who've had a peaceful regeneration are nine who literally absorbed the time vortex to save rose and didn't have time, and eleven, who took three hundred years of forcibly staying in one place to get tired enough to be alright with it, so i think it is perfectly in character for the doctor

- especially because this is a little bit of a mirror of journey's end, and i am a strong believer that ten didn't want to regenerate largely because the grief he felt for donna was all he had left of her, and he knew he would lose the intensity of that when he changed

- as far as twelve knows, his memories of bill are all that's left of her

- i don't think he knows she's still out there with heather, or even if he does, he's still lost her, she's still chosen to leave him, and the ragged, torn, open wound of missing her is all he has left of her

- the doctor is tired

- he doesn't have anyone left, he's all alone, and he's so sick of always ending up alone

- CLARA

- FUCK

- WITH HOW OBSESSED I AM WITH HER YOU'D THINK I'D'VE NOTICED BEFORE NOW

- he doesn't remember clara, barely knows he misses her, he didn't get to feel the grief of losing her because he couldn't remember it, and he doesn't want to forget bill, doesn't want to let go of the chance he gets to mourn her

- he started this season off with moving on because people needed him, but he was wrong, the only reason he could do that was because he was distanced from the loss he carries around with him

- and bill saved the world because she never let go of losing her mother–she carried it with her and lived with it and didn't let it take her over but didn't let herself forget it either

- she reminded him how to do that and he doesn't want to forget again

- fuck now i'm crying

[alexanderflowerbird]

DAY 13

Ya know today I don't really have much to report! It was a busy day, I had a lot to do at work [It's poinsettia season already, which makes me wanna die lol, last year it was so frustrating I had bad dreams about poinsettias and SEVERAL panic attacks and melt downs], I took my mom to the doctor and then we had Jack in the Box together, and then I watched the new episodes of Arcane with my husband. An alright day, all told. I'm... so tired. I would have more to say probably, but my brain longs for sleep, especially now that it's winter and even though it's only 7:30 I feel like I'm up very late and deserve to lay down lmao. I do have an excerpt for you though! I got up very early this morning and wrote a whole 1500+ words. Somethin' about sitting down with my morning coffee to work gets the words right outta me. I'm gonna give you an excerpt from New Faith though; we've been in Blood Sun Territory a bunch for this challenge, I think my other story deserves its flowers, even though I've been at a little bit of a stand still with it. I think I'll give you a nice long excerpt from Chapter 7 in which Mercutio has just received the news that another man in town, a local gay man who had fancied Mercutio for a long time, has died in a horrific way after he'd attacked Mercutio at his job in the throes of being possessed. Poor Dorrance Crawford, he was the first of many, and his death is really very sad, because he feels guilty for what he's done, not really knowing that what compelled him to attack Mercutio was a demon trying to take over his body and become him. A local cop has an inkling that Mercutio knows more than he's letting on and Mercutio, being the chaos goblin he is, decides fuck it, and tells him about demons. TW for gore, death, possession Taglist: @theskeletonprior @thelittlestspider @tragedycoded @badscientist If you'd like to be added to my taglist, please interact with this post

Mercutio understands now and he hopes to a God he doesn’t believe in that he’s wrong. Dorrance’s death puts everything into focus and while Deputy Thompson has brought this information to him in an attempt to interrogate him for responsibility, it seems through the conversation that he’s come past his suspicions towards Mercutio and is now just trying to understand. Poor man, he’s never going to get it unless someone tells him and even then, even if Mercutio told him all that he knows, what this really is, what it looks like now with Dorrance’s death to consider, he’d probably still be completely in the dark about how much danger they’re in. Mercutio almost wants to tell him, because answering his questions at this point feels like a waste of time for both of them. 

According to Deputy Thompson, Dorrance Crawford was returned home with his belongings and a stern talking to about staying away from Mercutio. He’d been quiet and desolate as he stood before his house, looking ‘green around the gills’, as told by the officer who’d dropped him off, but otherwise somber and cowed by his time in lock up. The officer who had driven him home had admitted to giving him a speech about how it’s not such a big deal to be gay, just not to be perverted about it. The officer in question had clearly worried he’d be implicated in causing Dorrance’s death, pushing him past his limits, but Mercutio can tell based on Thompson’s retelling of those events that no one intends to take this idiot to task for lecturing Dorrance on something so deeply personal as his now exposed sexual orientation. The speech, the drop off, the way Dorrance skulked sadly into his home…That all didn’t seem out of the ordinary, wouldn’t seem out of the ordinary, but his death was very unusual for how he’d been left and how he’d acted when they’d given him back his phone and wallet and carted him home. 

Dorrance Crawford had disemboweled himself. He’d left a note, implicating his actions as intentional, but even with a pistol in the house and plenty of rope out in his garden shed, he’d chosen this incredibly gruesome way to die and had only been discovered with any sort of immediacy because he’d done it out in his garden and had been wailing like a dying animal, sobbing and screaming at the sky loud enough for someone several blocks down to feel it warranted a visit from the police. By the time they’d arrived, there was no point in an ambulance or to try and resuscitate him. That had less to do with him pulling his intestines out and more to do with the state of his innards, the black, sticky rot of them, the stench that radiated from the wound like he’d been dead all this time and only his yellowing, sickly skin had kept the fact hidden away. Mercutio can imagine it, these poor schmucks that spend their time breaking up bar fights and handing out speeding tickets gagging and teary eyed over the scent that comes off a person that’s possessed, especially when their damaged insides are exposed to the air. 

He can imagine Dorrance Crawford in his mind, dead and emptied out among his gardenias and calla lilies. He’d gone out into his garden, according to his note, because it was as close to God as he could possibly be now and that was where it would be safest for his soul. His soul, being torn assunder by something that apparently hadn’t released him after the attack but had instead given him a torturous moment of reprieve so he could soak in the guilt of the actions he’d taken completely without his consent. That’s the most “normal” demon thing that’s happened in what Deputy Thompson has described to him. It is, in the loosest, darkest terms, a miracle that Dorrance was able to take his own life in the first place when a demon occupied his body. That he managed to kill himself when in any other instance of possession he would’ve fought for the chance to, harmed himself, and been left with grievous injuries and sickness while still alive and possessed is a mystery that Mercutio can’t suss out. Perhaps the possession wasn’t at its height or there was something unique about Dorrance Crawford, but Mercutio doubts he’ll find an answer to that when faced with Deputy Thompson’s retelling, utterly devoid of understanding as to what he saw, what Dorrance meant in his note, why any of this is happening in their quiet little town. 

“His note was mostly about you, about apologizing to you for what he did and not being braver about his interest in you. But as I’ve told you, some of this doesn’t make any sense to me. ‘They want to be us’? ‘They want our world?’ Do you know who ‘They’ is?” Mercutio stares down at the blank page he’s flipped to in the officer’s notebook. Should he just write it? Just write those stupid six letters that will make this a much longer conversation but will be the truth? Why, Deputy Thompson I know you probably think this is some sort of insane declaration against the rampant homophobia of small town suburbia, but it’s actually demons? Mercutio shouldn’t laugh, there’s nothing funny about this, but the sardonic amusement of imagining such a thing sits right behind his lips. “Mercutio?” Thompson presses and he looks at the officer then before shaking his head. He writes six other letters that form a complete and total lie. 

  No Idea. 

Thompson openly expresses his exasperation before saying, “If you won’t tell me what you know here just between us, I’ll have to take you down to the sheriff's office to get into it on tape. Is that what you want?” He asks like he’s trying to be accommodating and helpful and Mercutio can tell he feels sincerely about that. He’s not stupid, and he knows something strange is going on here. Why Thomspon would want to get his hands on it before involving his force is beyond Mercutio, but he’s clearly made this decision to come talk all on his own, to read into an open and close suicide because he’s got that silly, classic cop hunch about it. It would be silly if he was wrong, it’s classic because he’s right on the money, even in deciding to talk to Mercutio about it first before anyone else.

“I can tell you know what this means, Mercutio. It’s written all over your face that you get this in a way that you’re not saying. You could just tell me, and I’ll take care of the rest, leave you out of it, but if you’re just going to keep me in the dark I don’t have a lot of options that don’t involve you being in the middle of a pretty serious investigation. This man cut out his own guts over you, doesn’t that make you feel like you should be honest?” That’s crude, and unfair, but Mercutio doesn’t balk at the question. Vincente could get under his skin with such a thing, but this beat cop doesn’t have hooks in his heart to tug on. As sad as Dorrance Crawford’s death is, Mercutio has seen so much sad, unnecessary death in his life it feels like a ripple more than anything else, like a quiver that warns of an oncoming earthquake. Mercutio turns to a new page in the notebook and writes, staring at his own words before tapping the pen lightly against it, considering revealing what he’s said which is utterly cliche it borders on gauche. Fuck it. 

You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.

Thompson’s icy eyes go between the page and Mercutio’s face a few times before he answers in a matching cliche. “Try me.”

Most of the research that’s been done is at Vincente’s house. All of it is proof enough to possibly put a dent in a regular citizen’s certainty that demon possession is an impossible option for all of this, even perhaps a police officer who thinks he’s about to unspool some very normal, very human issue. Mercutio recognizes even that he could be wrong too, that it could just be a regular old every day possession that plagued Dorrance Crawford, but he doubts it, so he writes down the locations of the related massacres, able to list them off by heart by now. He shows the list to Thompson, waiting for him to read and register the town names before writing underneath the list and circling it in a symbolic show of ‘here it is, the answer’. Thompson reads it aloud incredulously. 

“Demon possession?” Mercutio nods, and is surprised that Thomspon is silent as he writes on a new page rather than sputtering through how that’s ridiculous and impossible. This will likely be a mistake, especially when there’s nothing police can do about what’s going on. He’ll open a dark, ugly door in Derek Thompson’s life that will never, ever be shut again if the officer is convinced by what he has to say, but Mercutio doesn’t have time for this roundabout with a cop that can find him at his job or his home, that will chase him with inane questions while he and Vincente are trying to save the lives and souls of the people here, Thompson’s included. 

Dorrance was possessed. Remained possessed after he attacked me. Killed himself to release himself from the possession. Each of these towns have strange events associated with them, most likely possessions. Don’t ask me for the long story of how I know about this sort of thing. Old job. Bla bla. 

Thompson’s dark brows knit tight together and his mouth turns down in a frown as he squints through what Mercutio has written. “So he was possessed because of you?” Thompson asks, and Mercutio rolls his eyes at the suggestion. 

No. Just possessed. He attacked me out of association, demons do that. Attack people who are closest to you to scare them and keep them away. To fuck you up over harming the people you love. Read a book, watch a movie. Literally this is elementary.

Mercutio knows the sass is a little uncalled for. This isn’t elementary at all for someone who’s probably gone to church his whole life as a performative act and has, not even once in his life, seen anything truly beyond the pale. People call all sorts of things miracles or wickedness, but Mercutio knows from experience that the people who bark the loudest about such supernatural forces tend to be the most likely to believe absolutely none of it and are more interested in convincing others to believe such forces are at work in their boring, normal, painful lives. He’s mostly annoyed now to be explaining this to someone who can’t pick up the plot immediately, who will likely have a myriad of stupid questions about this before they get to the meat of what happened to Dorrance. The stupid questions at least come in quick succession and with a tone and intensity that suggests that Deputy Thompson is buying what he’s selling. 

“That’s why he said those things, about his soul?”

Yep.

“And is there any truth in that, that his soul was saved?” No idea, too philosophical.

“What does his death have to do with your list of towns?”

Similar events, but if I’m right, it’s just beginning here. “Just beginning in what way?”

Mass possession. Very weird shit, still not sure how it happens. “So it’s just a theory for now, that Dorrance’s suicide is symptomatic of this… Mass possession you’re talking about.”

Yeah basically. 

“When he said… they want to be us, they want our world… he’s talking about demons, in the note?”

Most likely. The other towns and deaths suggest something different from the usual demon possession schtick. Different goal. 

“And I’m guessing demons have the goals that church tells us they have?” For the most part. Corruption, death, despair. Bla bla. This is different though. 

“You know this sounds completely insane, don’t you?”

And back to cliches. Mercutio sighs at Thomspon and isn’t surprised when the officer reacts like he’s being unreasonable to be exasperated. Perhaps he is, when most of his career was spent interacting with people who knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that what was happening to them or their loved ones was something beyond normal sickness. Every client he and Vincente had ever taken on had called upon them in desperation, completely aware of their circumstances and certain in a way someone like Derek Thompson can’t fathom because he’s never been so close to such darkness, never had it touch his life directly and snuff out any possibility of doubt. But the question gives Mercutio a way out of this conversation and a means with which to send Thompson on the hunt he’s craving, so he flips to a new page and writes, 

You don’t have to take my word for it. Look it up and come back and tell me it looks normal to you.