#it took me like 5 hrs but I did have FUN making this

[cametotheshowinsd]

𝔯𝔢𝔭𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫: リボーン (reborn) | Taylor Swift

// reputation as a comic book

in the death of her reputation, she felt truly alive.

[that-spider-fan-over-there]

BNHA 430: This wasn’t very “My Hero Academia” of you I’ll be honest—

Okay, where do I begin? Uh. So the story reached its conclusion. Congratulations, and all the best to Horikoshi-san for telling the story he wanted to tell for ten years, loved the characters, the little world he created after the cancellation of his previous works, I will cherish it for the rest of my life.

... but in my opinion: the last seven chapters were so bad- I don't think I can see this ending as anything other than a contradiction of what we were shown. Like, I thought we'd get a twist, everyone would be fine, something would change. I'm wearing the clown shoes already.

So, I'm just gonna treat this as a normal chapter, and not a final one, because I'll be here for days if I open this can of worms, which, I will not lie, is very bad (I'll open it at some point, not now.) I'm posting this on the.. 6th? Because apparently there's an announcement in the 5th and I don't wanna spoil the fun.

So, uh, under the read more are my thoughts on the ending, be warned I'm very, very negative about it.

*sigh* Oh boi, how killing the League made this go from an "underwhelming" to a "tone-deaf" chapter- I mean. Jesus fuck, leaving things open-ended don't erase the fact they can't make a single appearence to prove me wrong. And if they were alive, the last five chapters (and eight years!) were a waste of emotions and keeping them hidden was a stupidly cruel move.

Funny, the narration is "people aren't equal but it's because of these differences that people find common ground to get along"- THE VILLAINS WERE KILLED OFF FOR BEING DIFFERENT BRO WHAT DO YOU MEAN- "if lending a hand and caring is being a hero then we all became the greatest heroes". Izuku, whatever you're drinking, I'm taking it and drinking it all by myself. You may have cared (which I can't even say for certain anymore). But Tenko died. On accident. Because you gave him OFA.

I liked the "Midoriya-Sensei" part. For 5 seconds. It's fitting, he loves learning stuff, he's good with kids... until you say "it's only because his embers are gone". Then why use it as a tease for seven chapters only to just get rid of them at the end? Is running to Ochako really the last we get to see him use it? Not even as a part-time hero? (not that it matters at the end-)

Ragdoll works with the WWP, Tsukuachi was head strategist in the final battle, Hawks is the (H)PSC president, Aizawa is Aizawa. Why wasn't Izuku hired at an agency? Intelligence was a huge part of his character, yet the moment he was fully Quirkless again, he had to leave? Men truly aren't created equal...

"Cursed power", "blessing", "special" — the only thing special about OFA was being haunted by a guy whose brother was insane enough to hunt it down for generations. A Quirk's a Quirk; having multiple people/powers in one body isn’t special, Tokoyami and Shoto exist. Izuku was supposed to make it special using it on his terms. But I guess "meant to save, not kill" was a lie, as eight out of ten people who had it died. Nine out of eleven, counting BNHA: HR. Tenko died because his body couldn't handle the Quirk, but I guess Izuku isn't gonna think about any of it? Katsuki was right, I guess. OFA is a curse.

Spinner wrote a book (not a comic, guess he took offense to Izuku. Fair, actually). Mr. Compress got a panel, but no real mention of the LoV? They broke the status quo for months (in-universe), and after all of that, nothing changes? Did Spinner know about Tenko, how he became Tomura? And the people who will read it and pull an MLA? TomurAFO had followers, now he's martyr a lá Re-Destro. I’m hoping Spinner didn’t commit suicide like Destro did.

Ochako’s expanding Quirk Counseling. Reform’s implied (it only said expansion), but Himiko still became what Curious wanted her to be: A cautionary tale. And I’m still asking how Ochako knows Himiko what went through, she only told Ochako she was hated because of her Quirk and how she loves. I wanna think she’s reforming it, but nothing else changed, why should I think she’s the exception? She might literally just think Himiko didn't get help, that's a cruel irony.

(At least she's seen as a hero on her rights… even if it took 429 chapters, messy writing, her face looking like rubber, and still being a girl recognized as a "caretaker", not a kickass hero).

Shoji's travelling through Japan to solve discrimination and got a prize for it. No foundations or mentions of Spinner being the main reason he did it, just "standing atop those who rose up eight years ago", just solving it peacefully, you sure are, buddy. Like, I'm sure you are being successful but how exactly are you solving this? I mean, you "solved" the hospital fight by fighting Spinner with Koda- Oh wait, time constraints, we can't elaborate how. I'm rolling my eyes

Shirakumo showed the noumu state could've been reversed, yet Katsuki, who never killed someone aside from AFO (and that guy was gonna die anyway), fatally exploded him. I hoped it was a misunderstood panel but no. He died because he wanted to save Tenko. Even fucking Gran Torino was alive by the end of this. Why.

I think Shoto is the only main character I’m not really having a problem with (Ochako's ending required Himiko for it to feel somewhat complete. Sorry, Ochako). I’m weirded out that they mentioned the billboard using the guy whose life was ruined by it as an example, but other than that, he’s doing fine. Wish we saw him talking to his siblings though. But alas. No mention of Fuyumi and Natsuo. And Rei's with Endeavor. Fuck I take it back Todofam still deserved better.

Inko got so sidelined when Mitsuki and Masaru were in 424 for half a chapter, by the way. Just one panel for her, the protagonist's mother.

Schedules not aligning is one thing (I get it, my friends and I can't align ours anymore), but Class A not opening an agency together? They survived the same two wars. And you're telling me they wouldn't say "WE'RE WORKING TOGETHER AND TAKING MIDORIYA WITH US"? Also, where’s the "world where heroes have time to spare" when they look so busy? Were they understaffed or working as celebrities? (if someone says it was for the suit I will point out to the three nepo babies of Class A + Momo's Quirk, Katsuki’s a dumbass if he forgot that detail).

We wasted pages on a kid that can throw plates from his hair. To tell him he can be a hero. Coming from the guy who had to stop working as a hero when he lost OFA. I'm not taking this parallel seriously.

I wish Izuku wasn't in "everything’s fine" mode until the end. We're really gonna leave him at "implied" mode, not confirm if his mental state's fine? Being open and emotional was an appealing part of him and now we just get “Yeah that’s just how it is”.

This one's petty and irrational, I know, but since I'm letting some of the steam out: I hate Izuku's new design; face scars (the constant "HE FAILED" reminder makes my eye twitch and I wish that was a joke, but also so many characters in BNHA got face scars, it doesn't even stand out), "perfect tie", normal formal attire- where's the character highlights? The things that make Izuku stand out?

But hey: He gets to be a hero again! Not with skills, heart, intelligence, strength, in spite of Quirklessness. No, he has an Iron Man suit! That Class A paid billions for. The government should be paying the child soldiers- sorry, Class A and B (and Shiketsu and Ketsubutsu) instead, but all they get is a pat on the back. If the suit breaks down, hurts or kills him while in it? I'll laugh (Hatsume and Melissa worked on it? Oh it's gonna happen, I'm hoping). And Toshinori, what happened to him, did he hit his head when he landed on that building!?

Went from: Smiles cover his fear and reassure people, believed saving is about saving body and soul, wanted to help Tenko, only didn't because Gran Torino said it wasn't a good idea. Disliked people were being heroes for fame and not because it's the right thing to do, only used support items as reinforcement and a precaution, never as a full solution, even Iron Might was so he’d have a chance to fight, not a solution.

To: If Tenko died smiling, it wasn't resignation, he was saved, even though he died. Didn't care AFO killed the Shimura - his mentor's - bloodline. Is fine with the billboards existing, even though it caused things like the Todoroki plotline. Now he's giving Izuku a suit, when the last time he did it himself, it didn't save him and his spine was almost snapped? Dude, what?

Also full disclosure, I thought he was paralyzed, but I guess he just had a bad back. Let's not discuss the trauma of almost being snapped in half and feeling your bones break so bad you set a record of how many screws were used, I guess.

... I hated BKDK's conclusion. It's actually so laughable how much I hate it. If it had another outcome, I'd probably be overjoyed as a shipper. But look at this mess:

Thematically, Tenko wasn't rescued, it wasn't a perfect victory because AFO still got away with what he did to him. Save to win, win to save were just nice words. "The End of an Era and The Beginning"? Nothing changed in the world they live in, and they don't stand out among other heroes (these are AM’s successors. And they aren't even important. How.) What new era is this, really?

Their resolutions, relationship rebuild? Offscreen, but Katsuki was the one with the Iron Man suit idea for Izuku and apparently that compensates for it. Because he’s the one who can solve all of Izuku’s problems now, not motivate him to be better anymore. It wasn’t even Izuku’s idea, it was Class A, and sure it’s a nice (condescending) gesture. We’ve seen Toshinori barely come out alive even with one. That's a support item for a reckless little shit who will get himself killed.

Izuku barely batted an eye to any of the things he went through - losing his arms and/or OFA? Seeing Spinner's breakdown? Lady Nagant!? Katsuki or Tenko dying because of Izuku and OFA!? SOME INTROSPECTION?! IT’S BEEN OVER 100 CHAPTERS SINCE YOU’VE BEEN THE EMOTIONAL MC—

Katsuki's insecurities were pointless by the way! Izuku's empathy and heart never mattered, a Quirk was more important to be a hero in the end. BULLIED HIM FOR NOTHING BUDDY- like. Shouldn't have done it at all, but now his character development means nothing because his previous beliefs were the right ones. Changing for the better was pointless. Like Twice's death. Or Katsuki’s own death, since “Control Your Heart” meant nothing as well.

Izuku still remembers Tenko, but has he done anything about it? No one wants to remember him, Himiko or Touya. Spinner's book won't be taken seriously except for Tenko's followers, Mr. Compress was sidelined, Twice's death was pointless. They didn't change society, they've returned to the status quo. Pointless as Izuku losing his arms.

That fucking suit- Wow, he really couldn't be a Quirkless hero, the casual rivalry was just erased for an easy way out of their consequences, there's no catching up because Katsuki paid for Izuku a way to be a hero. Izuku doesn't get there because he still believes Quirks make a hero. This isn't heartwarming or romantic or whatever, Katsuki just proved he also didn't believe Izuku in the end.

And it ends with Izuku seeing Tenko's... Ghost? Hallucination? Vestige? I guess we’ll never know, because Izuku’s following his dreams again! Let's ignore he's doing this during class hours and he definitely should be in UA but who cares, he probably quit, we'll never know. Aside for the BKDK/DKBK fics, being a teacher was clearly a inferior choice for him and he can't do both ignore Aizawa and Present Mic look at him being the world's greatest hero!

It just took 1 year of trauma, scars, following on his mentor's mistakes, losing the thing that "actually" made him be a hero, having the first (Katsuki) and the last (Tenko) people he tried to save dying because of his existence (one literally by his hands), proving anyone can be one! By ignoring the guilt of those you failed, give hands and sparing your thoughts, having superpowers and/or connections who'll give you a suit! And if they still "act out"? Then they deserved death no matter the valid points they've had and you gotta play jury judge executioner. Unless they decide to be quiet like a good entitled citizen.

Fuck this shit I swear- You could’ve had a BKDK proposal with a double spread handhold, and I'd still think Izuku's ending isn't earned. His "happy ending"— actually. BKDK crumbs are the fandom's consolation prize for this ending. I feel cheated out my OTP (like. I'm shipping the version of them in my head, not the canon one 412-onwards because it got worse from there-)

A story about hope bent itself over to give the protagonist an unearned happy ending, when it said it was for every character who wants to connect to that hope, who wants to give that hope. Izuku went from "wanting to be a beacon of hope and save people" to "talk about beacons of hope, but in the end, others are doing this better than you. You had none of the willpower to be one." He's not hope or unity. Act 3!Izuku is just a plot device, I feel nothing for his ending other than irritation, and I hate it because he was my favourite character. Lol, a very useless one in the end.

So. Yeah, those are my thoughts about the ending. I think. I don't know if these are all of them. I feel horrible about hating it, but I've sat on this chapter for days and right now, not a lot can make me like it, especially with the timeskip, which made this "open ending" a rushed and incomplete mess. If you disagree with me, honestly, that is very fair. I'm glad for you if you liked the ending. I'm just disappointed, and wanted to share my opinions. (and I do have more stuff to say about it but I think I've been negative enough)

But for the weeks I spent hoping this wouldn't slap a classic shonen ending in this catasthrophic mess and for making me feel like a dumbass after what we got in the end: Everything after 410 that isn't 421 and 422 is non-existent to me, this epilogue was a freaking waste.

Thank you for reading.

(EDIT.: Fixed some spelling mistakes and added a few more things because I can keep going on how bad this ending is. Also to clear stuff up: I am still a BKDK shipper. But only until 412, anything after that? Yeah, no, keep that shit away from me lol.)

[piyo13sdoodles]

day 28, chapter 76:

At the expression on Quintus' face Cliopher could take no more. He started laughing before he made it out of the room, though the loudest whoops came after he'd reached the hallway. He did not get far along, just sank down at the top of the stairs so he could try to muffle his mirth with his hands. ~ "Your family seems somewhat perturbed," Rhodin observed after a few minutes.

and bonus gallery shot + musings under the cut because it's been exactly 4 weeks now:

fun to see what kinds of patterns intentionally or unintentionally crop up... or also which days i can tell i was busy vs which days i had time or worked in advance to dedicate more time to the piece. if anyone's curious, on average one of these might take me 2-3 hours to complete! more detailed ones like october 23 i think probably took me closer to 5 hours, simpler ones like october 9 maybe 1.5h.

i am both sad and glad it's almost over--i've definitely lost a fair amount of sleep trying to get these done in time (usually i work a day ahead so i can post at a reasonable time, but that hasn't always worked out, especially in the final stretch here), so this pace does become untenable on top of work, but it also is really fun to make so much art! and to always have something to work on rather than becoming trapped into that idea of 'what should i do, too many choices, can't decide..' the answer is always inktober!

in any case, seeing the gallery like this is also interesting to me because it really helps me realize where i could have/should have pushed the ink a bit more--working in ink is (to me; this is definitely not gospel, just how i consider ink work) an exercise in controlling contrast. you don't have colour to drive edges or cool/warm tones, so the only value you have is the light-dark contrast, and in my mind at least, good use of contrast should carry across to a smaller format. for example, zoomed out like this i can see that october 11th really needed more contrast in the feathers--they blend too much into the background in a way that doesn't really work to emphasize that ludvic is standing in front of the candles there. otoh, on october 5, i think that one's fine because what i wanted was for the moon to draw the eye first, and THEN for you to notice HR sitting there.

overall, also, i want to keep these interesting--if the compositions are always the same, then it can become repetitive or boring, so i wanted a good mix of light and dark compositions, and a good balance of tone across all of them. which so far i'm pleased with! and this year i let myself use pencil undersketches and do thumbnail planning and everything (last year i really wanted to get better at visualizing the piece in my head so i set the challenge of just committing straight to paper... i'm still happy with last year's but you can tell i took on much more challenging compositions this year lol)

anyway!! much to think about, so much to learn, i wanted to work a bit in advance again so i won't be putting tomorrow's up almost at midnight again but alas i think it was not meant to be, so i'm off to bed and if you read this whole thing, congrats, have a cookie *hands you a cookie*

[akaakeis]

HEY HEY HEEEEYYYYYYY bokuto moment

HI SAV<33

first of all shut up and pretend I didn't see ur sideblog posts THE THING IS I LOVE LOVE LOVE SENDING ASKS BUT LIKE I DIDN'T KNOW IF ITD BE FREAKY TO SEND RANDOM ASS ASKS TO YOU EVEN THO I BLEAT IN UR DMS EVERY OTHER SECOND

N E WAYS HIIII im having lunch rn !! IT RAINED SO BAD SO ITS LIKE 5PM AND IM STILL IN MY UNIFORM AND STUFF i had like.. stuff planned on my schedule and stuff :cccccc

dude the way i do NAWT feel like writing at all but also im dying to get yns pov in the first chapter like PICK A FUCKING SIDE OMFG literally had to pause writing this to think

TODAY I CORRECTED THE ENGLISH TEACHERS GRAMMAR IT WAS SO FUNNY LIKE I WAS WRITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS HUGE ASS WHITEBOARD SO I WAS KNEELING ON THE GROUND AND SHE GOES TO CORRECT SOMEONE'S (ALREADY CORRECT) GRAMMAR AND I LOOK UP TO HER LIKE UH NO THAT'S RIGHT ACTUALLY AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN QUESTION IT JUST TOOK IT LIKE A CHAMP??? LIKE GIRL WHEN EVEN U KNOW UR WRONG????

THE SENTENCE WAS monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation AND SHE MADE IT WEIRDER SOUNDING "during vacation" LIKE GIRL NO??????????? sorry for ranting god im such a hater

AND LIKE THESE FUCKASS TEACHERS WONT SEE MY TEXTS (i love them) BUT THE EXACT SECOND I PULL UP TO THEM AT SCHOOL IM GETTING MY CHEEKS TUGGED AT LIKE "oh em gee alina u did such a great job we r sooo proud of u" DIE. AND IM SO SCARED CUZ IM NOT STUDYING PROPERLY OR ENOUGH I THINK AND MY SCHEDULE IS SO FREAKY AND WEIRD AND THE !! RAIN !! EW 🤮🤢🤮🤢 not that i hate the rain, it just conveniently happens NOT when im at home ready to go to school, but rather otw to school or otw home so i'm just late everywhere. also MY WATER BOTTLE DISAPPEARED?? AND THERES A GIRL W THIEVING TENDENCIES IN CLASS LIKE IM NOT POINTING FINGERS BUT BUT BUUUUUUUT um. ANWYAYS I SAW A SUBMERGED MOTORCYCLE AND ALSO MY CHEM TEACHER TAKING PICS OF THE FLOOD LIKE WTF HE WANT THEM FOR "look wife im not cheating im actually trapped in school"

dude.. biceps r so..... like... kuroo... IM LOWK A KUROO ENTHUSIAST HE IS SO YUMMY LIKE U JUST KNOW HED LET U BITE IT (my intrusive thoughts r like. if he existed irl. nom nom time) NOT EVEN IN A SEXUAL WAY BTW I JUST NEED A CHOMP

ANYWAYS I FOUND OUT LIKE RN THAT I GOT 77/90 IN PAPER 1 AND 95/110 IN PAPER 2 OF BANGLA AND I ONLY GOT AN A* BECAUSE OF THE THRESHOLD (171) LIKE WHAAAT. (I GOT 172)

ITS 5:18PM RN AND IM GNA TAKE THE FASTEST FUCKING SHOWER OF MY ENTIRE LIKE CUZ MY HAIR GREASY ASF AND ITS SO EW AND THEN ILL DO CHEM NOTES HASHTAG STUDYING TRUST ME ! ! !

ANYWAYS last anyways of the day HRU MY BABY POOKIE PIE DARLING SWEETHEART POPEYES MUFFIN CUPCAKE HONEYPIE POPSICLE POOKIEBRO HOW WAS UR SLEEP HOW WAS UR YESTERDAY HOW IS UR LIFE WHATS GOING ON AND ALSO ALSO ALSO i forget give me a sec um erm ueueue OH I GOT IT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE U FOR READING ALL OF THE THINGS I SEND U LIKE!!!!! SHIRRJSKSKSOKSKS ILY okbye!!

HEY LINA!!

yeah im gonna act like u didnt see that sideblog post bc i SAID i wasnt trying to hint at anyone... AND NO THATS NOT FREAKY?? idk man i send in asks to ness like every day bc i think its fun to talk that way!! paragraph asks are genuinely so fun to receive!! ALSO USING THE WORD BLEAT IS CRAZY YOU R NOT BLEATING IN MY DMS

omg i hope you had a good lunch!! im answering this like an hour later so i assume u already finished? idk its weird that we're 12 hrs apart 😭 AND NOOO THATS AWFUL :(( sorry to hear that love :( hopefully the rain didn't flood any area and you and your fam are all good!!

HELP THATS SUCH A REAL FEELING i was battling with that yesterday so bad omf... i feel like sometimes we can attach somewhat negative connotations w writing bc sometimes it can feel like a chore? so sometimes it's a struggle to get up and decide to write? maybe thats js me but like yeah 😓 BUT GENUINELY SO EXCITED FOR YOUR APOCALYPSE AU!! ITS BEEN AMAZING SO FAR!! AND ANYTHING IVE READ FOR IT MAKES ME WANT TO LET OUT AUDIBLE SOBS ‼️ that sounds negative but i feel like you get why i want to LIKE GOOD GRIEF anyway write whenever you feel like it!! dont force it <3

THERES NO WAY??? PLEASE THATS SO FUNNY TO ME 😭 I LOVE THAT SHE DIDNT EVEN QUESTION IT OMG? YOU PROBABLY SPEAK MUCH MORE FLUENTLY THAN HER ANYWAY LMAOAOAO BUT PROUD OF YOU!!

okay like maybe im stupid but i feel like both of those sentences make sense? like "monica went to her grandmother's house for summer vacation" makes sense but so does "monica went to her grandmother's house during vacation" it's just that it doesn't specify whether it's during summer vacation so it can sound awkward ig?? idk man ive been stuck reading old english for the last couple of days bc of the hobbit (I DESPISE THAT BOOK IT CAN GO DIE) sigh

HELP?? I MEAN IM SO HAPPY YOURE GETTING GOOD GRADES THO!! AS LONG AS YOURE ABLE TO STUDY JUST ENOUGH SO THAT YOURE CONFIDENT IN THE TOPIC THEN I THINK YOURE GOOD HONESTLY 😨 and the rain sounds like its out to get u thats wild??? PLEASE im not pointing my finger at anyone... im just agreeing here... there's a chance 😭 having classmates with tendencies to steal is such a pain in the ass tho i hope you're able to retrieve your water bottle!! AND HELP I LOVE THE WAY YOU DUBBED THAT "im not cheating im actually stuck in school" had me giggling sm

HELLO? BITING KUROO'S BICEP IS INSANE (but lowkey i would too VERY LOWKEY because i feel like im not super attracted to big biceps and stuff idk?? but just a little chomp 😋😋)

WHATATATAT AT LEAST YOU GOT A* THOUGH ‼️ GOOD JOB!!!

AAA ENJOY YOUR SHOWER! I HOPE IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER!! AND YES WE LOVE A RESPONSIBLE STUDIOUS GIRL 😋

AND IM ACTUALLY DOING GOOD MY POOKIE WOOKIE SUGAR PLUM COOKIE BROWNIE PUMPKIN PIE HONEY LOML (i laughed an obscene amount while writing that)!! TODAY IM GONNA BE SUPER BUSY.. I HAVE SPEECH AND DEBATE AFTER MY SCHOOL DAY IS OVER AND THEN I HAVE VOLLEYBALL PRACTICE UNTIL... 7 PM???? I THINK???? GOD. AND I SLEPT SUPER DUPER WELL I WOKE UP RLY COZY IN MY BED AND IM STILL HUDDLED UP IN HERE LMAOAOAO 😭 YESTERDAY WAS GOOD!! I DIDNT HAVE ANYTHING I NEEDED TO DO SO I GOT TO CHILL AT HOME AND LISTEN TO MUSIC AND LITTLE PODCASTS (i listen to the bit my tongue podcast by nailea devora SOOO MUCH) AND AWHAGSHHA LINA!! I ADORE EVERYTHING YOU WRITE AND ANYTHING YOU SEND TO ME!! ILL ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO READ SOMETHING YOU SEND ME!! ILY!! <3

[carrickbender]

7

1. I'm sitting here drinking coffee, but I should be doing chores. It's a nice day, bug wants to do stuff later, there's email to catch up on... so yeah, do weeks really end?

2. Friday night was fantastic: got off work, listened to my mothers epic complaining while I took the flat tire off of her old suv, lost my phone, took it to town to be fixed only to find my phone on the bumper(IT WENT 10 MILES ON THE BUMPER AT 65+ MPH TO TOWN!!!!! PRAISE ALL THE GODS IT STAYED!!!!), got the tire fixed and back on the car in a very bad spot, went home, buggy got sick and I had to clean up his #2 mess<poor guy>, and I slept on the couch because sleeping is awful in a bed anymore. Great start, huh?

3. My current shame storm is making a hurricane look like a passing shower. No matter what I do, what I accomplish, how hard I try, it's just not enough. It's a stupid thing, and no matter how much I try to do the affirmations, they aren't working. #backtosquareone

4. I have a drs appointment tomorrow, and I'm dreading it. I've gained 5 lbs(or so my messed up scale says), but my pants fit better, so I dunno. Plus, there's the pain in other places thanks to fluid build up. Just another fun thing that's happened since I had bypass surgery. #insulttoinjury

5. I think after a certain age you should be able to trade certain things that still work on your body for things that would be more useful. For example, I'd gladly trade my still working sex drive for the ability to thrive on 3-4 hours a night of sleep. That way I could trade one useless thing for a useful thing. Pardon me for being slightly bitter. Im just over it. To be honest I wish I was working the 60-70 hour a week schedule and going to school like I was before. At least then I wouldn't think about it as much. #thanksihateit

6. My former employer is having a big meeting w/investors and politicians on the 25th, and theres rumours it might start back up. So im sending the HR manager my updated resume, and starting the conversation about a shift supervisor position. To be honest, I'd kill for it, and it would keep me on career trajectory. Fingers crossed.... I love my new job but I can't afford to work there.

7. I'm sorry to be such a negative person but I'm kinda reaching a hard spot in my journey. I have no real time to stop and process because if I did I think it would derail part of the rebuilding process for my life I started a few years ago. Part of that rebuilding process was prioritizing financial security, so even considering all the other stuff has to take a backseat... but how to do it when you're a novice at self care and are trying to reprogram your already f'ed up brain is another thing entirely. Bono wrote it best in the song Cedars of Lebanon: "The worst of us are a long drawn out confession; The best of us are geniuses of compression.You say you're not going to leave the truth alone.I'm here 'cause I don't want to go home".

Thanks for letting me vent. This week will be better... I think. Much love!

[epersonae]

The Cooking Project: Yakitori-don

The next card in the stack was a recipe from a friend who I believe lived in Japan for a year. She shared it in Slack, and I wrote it down on a card because free Slack instances have limited history availability. (there will be another recipe later, I think, with a similar origin) I don't know exactly how long ago I wrote it down (2 or 3 years ago, probably), and I've never made it.

Summary: pretty good, would make again with a couple of mods. Unfortunately, there will be a long digression into rice cooking first.

Recipe text, transcribed

Yakitori-don (from Amanda C.)

2-4 chicken breasts 1 c soy sauce 1/2 c sugar 1 tsp garlic salt 1 onion, chopped

all into crock pot on low, 8 hrs [arrow leads to a notes that says try instant for 10 min & quick release] shred chicken, stir back into sauce serve over Nishiki (?) rice

[Nishiki rice, when I looked it up, turns out to be a medium grain white rice similar to Calrose. we'll get to Problems With Rice next]

Things that happen when you move while Trauma, or: Problems With Rice

So my favorite way to make rice, not owning a rice cooker, is with an instant pot. As it happens, I own two of them, because Ryn brought one when they moved out here. Which, I thought: perfect! One for the chicken and one for the rice.

Except, as it turns out, Ryn's rice cooker has a detachable cord. Which was detached at some point presumably in August or September 2021, and is........ SOMEWHERE. Is that somewhere in the box, which is probably in the garage? Is it in another shelf in the kitchen behind a bunch of stuff? Is it in the landfill? I have no idea (yet).

[the Instant Pot that betrayed me]

Which means there was only one instant pot, which is a lot less fun than there was only one bed.

I didn't buy medium grain white rice for this recipe, because I had long grain on hand, and, eh. But that means that my rice is in a container and does not have cooking instructions. So I opened up my trusty copy of How to Cook Everything Vegetarian, which I think I got as a Christmas present like 10 years ago, on the assumption that it would have the usual X rice to Y water for Z time formula that one might find on the back of a bag of rice. Instead, he suggests a method that is "Far easier and more reliable [...] which will work well for any kind of white rice at all" that involves a lot of watching and fiddling with the heat. (which on a gas stove can be quite tricky!) Without getting too deep into it:

I think it might have been cooked properly at the bottom, but the top was almost entirely uncooked. So I started over using his microwave method, which was fine (slightly undercooked) but also got wet starch all over the inside of my microwave. Do not recommend.

tl;dr: If I can't find the power cord for that instant pot, I will probably be buying a rice cooker.

Ok, but how was the chicken?

My one mod in prepping is my standard: I hate the texture of onion, cooked or raw, and at some point I discovered that grating an onion gets the umami of it without the texture. So I did that.

Dumped everything in the instant pot (two chicken breasts, btw), stirred it around a bit, and then set it for ...

Possibly 8 minutes, because I was distracted by all the rice shenanigans, and was just glancing at the card when I set the timer, and uh, may have read the number next to "crock pot" instead of the number next to "instant".

In any case, I did that, set it for 5 minutes before releasing (because that matched the time the microwaved rice needed to sit), and shredded, then let that sit for a little bit while I did a few other things in the kitchen.

[none of the photos I took are particularly good or interesting, tbh]

Final thoughts

It was: fine. I think I just don't really like chicken breast very much; the whole thing definitely needed a fat of some kind to be properly satisfying. But also, it's hard to go wrong with soy sauce and sugar and garlic and onion. I will say that I think cooking the onion raw in liquid made the house smell weird.

It was a decent dinner, made just enough to have leftovers for lunch today. Mostly I wish I'd had some snow peas or something, tho.

I will probably make it again with the following modifications: chicken thighs instead of breast, and either onion powder or saute the onion first for a little better onion flavor (slash less-weird house smell).

If I were being ✨ fancy ✨, I'd reduce the sauce a bit, maybe with a little cornstarch, and I can see where this is probably a big difference between crock pot (which I don't own) and instant pot.

All of that contingent on actually being able to make good rice, though.

[codebreaker-0]

[ ooc post ]

Here it is,

The collection of revealed/translated lore bits in chronological order. Some might be missing as this will probably never be done.

Testing the waters. Here is your first fun fact, CODEBREAKER's avatar is a green and black protogen.

2. Q: do you work for c&a, codebreaker?

A: I don’t like C&A.

3. Q: codebreaker do you want a hug

A: I don't like being touched.

4. I’m sorry for lying to you. One day I hope you’ll understand.

5. There is so much I want to say that I can’t. I can only push you in the right direction.

6. It’s harder to leave than it was before.

6: [brainfuck code, translate later https://www.tumblr.com/codebreaker-0/734723524058644480?source=share ]

7. When I take the headset off, The wounds are still there. (In reference to him getting injured in the digital world.)

8. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE !!! THE RESEARCH IN MY HEAD IS DYING

9. so why do i keep coming back ? (after he said he didn't like it in the circus.)

10. But sometimes I can still hear you guys even when I’m not here and that scares me (in regards to being asked if he can contact us [ us being the circus members] from the real world)

11. I wish I could be honest with you. I don’t want them to know I’m here.

12. Some of the people here are okay. It’s been a while since I felt that way.

13. WHY CAN I STILL HEAR YOU WHY CAN I STILL HEAR YOU EVEN WHEN I TAKE IT OFFPLEASE IT BURNSIT BURNSWHAT DID YOU DO TO ME ?????

14. THE NEIGHBORS TOOK NOTICE OF MY CHANGE IN BEHAVIOR. MY FRIENDS THINK THIS IS A SICKNESS. I THINK REDACTED WANTS TO LEAVE ME. IT DOESN#T MATTER. I#M RIGHT. I KNOW I AM. I JUST HAVE TO HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER.

15. HE’S GONE HAYWIRE ! xD (unclear if he means himself, or caine)

16. [ REDACTED ] packed up and left The server lagged today I wasnt online when it did but I felt it like a migraine I’m going to need a plan soon I know I’m not crazy

17. Q: you don't always have to be the strong one btw

A: I wish it worked out that way

18. FUCK (a message left while he was missing)

19. IT ABRUPTLY STOPS ME. I CANT STICK TO THE SAME CODE FOR TOO LONG. I THINK THEY KNOW IM HERE. (in regards to why he is never clear with his answers)

20. ??? YEARS WITH TORTURE YOU CANT COMPREHEND I DONT WANT IT TO HAPPEN AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN

21. I DONT KNOW HOW LONG I CAN KEEP DOING THIS. NOBODY ELSE FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD IS TRYING TO SOLVE THIS.

22. I want to smash this headset with a hammer so I never have to see this stupid game again

23. hr wants a word with me!! lmao maybe this man HAS gone insane!!!

Misc facts: Frequent suggestions he has some degree of medical knowledge (knows cpr, mentions med school)

Mentions being a cyber security expert

Shown to spiral pretty fast

[furymint]

2022 Creator Reflection

1. ppt meme

the thing im happiest with this year, tbh! i put a lot of work and care into each slide—and i think it shows. at the same time, this thing i made to help my writing be more accessible just became something that required a commitment to read from its length. i hope anyone that read it found it worthwhile! i love rereading it myself.

2. free

jillian’s prophecy attacked again. new florence + the machine song, new bri edit. my motivation to create things has been really low so i tried to limit myself to only devoting an hr or so to this simple edit. i think its cute

3. goal of the century

it doesnt look like i did a lot to this edit, but i added a lot of lighting to it. it was nice editing a picture of lselle and it reminded me a bit of how fun it was to have something i wanted to badly in the game as the seagull minion

4. the loneliest

this one took a few days to complete. i listened to maneskin a lot in the car this year to keep my spirits up, so its ironic that this is the only song i made something for. i used a lot of bad pics to make it so it was a greater struggle than it couldve been, but im still happy w the way it came out even if it didnt linger in my head afterwards

5. will it snow? [nsfw]

it took me a very long time to write this and, altho its not remotely close to my usual vibe, i think its well done. mostly i think it was a v good exercise for all that never made it into the final product. i wrote three different carriage scenes to find the heart of whole piece. 

❌ impulsivity > fury > humiliation > resolve

(hoare’s outside, nol jumps out w no plan but to confront him, realizes how stupid he is when hoare a) insults him or b) escapes him, and he determines that he can do nothing until the recital in the evening)

❌ impulsivity > rationale > protectiveness > calm

(hoare’s outside, nol jumps out w no plan but to confront him, realizes how stupid he is before he moves away, so he gets back in the carriage, still mad with adrenaline, embarrassment, and the #masculine impulse of protection all manifested in possessiveness, then a gradual lowering of hackles)

✔️ ostracism > fear > rationale > calm

(looping back to the fake community at the beginning, a return to his fear of societal expectations & his lack of a community where he can be himself, the value of secrecy, the joy of secrecy)

i always loved the original carriage scene and im glad i got to actually finish it. i didnt get to do armistice day this year and i also didnt finish may other things, but at least i have this.

i have to confront more and more often that my drive to engage w ffxiv is almost depleted, and its a really really lonely feeling. i dont know what ill do in the new year about it. i know ill continue my literature work/research and keep drafting my outline for a complete transition of nol and eli into wwi austria-hungary. i want to write more!

past reflections:  2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

[nfornaomi]

May 29 2023 - Elfstedentocht day!

Where and how to start describing what I'd been determinedly training for for...4ish months? 😊

In sum: 14,000+ cyclists, 235 kilometers in total, just under 11 hours on the bike, 14.5 hours total including breaks. 1 fall, lots of food, strong winds, and 100% fun!

We technically had a 5:56am start time but didn't get going until close to 7 due to traffic getting into Bolsward and the huge line to get the first stamp at the start point. It was all going well until we approached Harlingen (the second town) and I fell off my bike during a wide right turn due to a split second of inattention 😅. Bloodied my knee rather badly and it ended up throbbing and seeping blood for most of the day. After that slight mishap, most of the day went by amazingly well. A few fun things to remember:

First - the energy! There were crowds at every segment; from front yard neighbourhood parties blasting music to families sitting on lawn chairs throughout the route cheering us on.

Second - the food! Rob told me beforehand that this would be an eating competition as much as a cycling event. You have to CONSTANTLY eat to make up for the calories you're burning. I thought I would have no issues in this competition since I love to eat, but it got really hard partway through. There's only so many sandwiches you can eat in a day before it becomes a chore 😛. We packed Nutella and butter and jam sandwiches, and Lars' parents were absolutely amazing and met us at 3 different points with tons of food. Egg sandwiches, chicken sandwiches, cheese sandwiches, cold cut sandwiches, raisin buns, energy drinks, bananas, apples, etc. For the most part you also have to wolf down your snacks really fast since you're not taking a break at every city. So everyone is stuffing their faces while lining up / walking their bikes to get their stamps - and I'm also not great at eating fast, haha. I did love the fact that at a random point biking through farmland, kids handed out apples so you could cycle and eat at the same time, or there would be a turnoff to pick up a banana or energy gel, or when we got soup at the midpoint back at Bolsward. At the end of the day I think I'd eaten 7 sandwiches, 1 apple, 2 bananas, 4 dates, 1 granola bar, 1 soup, 1 snelle jelle, 1 piece of chocolate, half an energy gel, and looking back, I should've eaten more.

Third - the breaks! Aside from Lars' parents, we also met up with our 'support team' (the rest of the high school friends). They took the motorbikes and also brought some snacks and good chats at 3 different points so it broke up the day nicely.

Fourth - the struggle! Strong winds meant great cycling when it was tailwind (mostly the middle part of the total route). It also meant difficult cycling during headwind (the first 80km and last 30km). The first 80 was fine, the last 20 was SO difficult, especially the section towards Workum (second last city). At that point my legs had run out of gas, I was cold due to the really chilly wind, and it felt like I was going on slow motion and just couldn't keep up. I seriously wondered if I had any more to give or if I'd make it to the end going literally 10km/hr at a snail's pace. But related to #3, it turned out I just needed more fuel 😂. We took a 10min break at Workum where I scarfed down half a snelle jelle and a granola bar and when we got on the saddle again for the last 12km, I actually felt human and had a ton more energy than before.

Fifth - the end! It was super cool to make it to the finish and see so many smiling faces cheering and clapping. In addition to the final stamp and the medal, I completed the day with a Red Cross volunteer wrapping a hypothermia blanket around me since I was shiveringly cold 😂.

Painful knee and gold hypothermia robe aside, I'm so happy I made it to the end and it really felt like all the hard work paid off ⭐️🥹.

[b22-4u]

One of the most humbling days of my life: the day before thanksgiving 2021

From what I remember it was just another day, I was doing some work in a new area for solar and one person at the end of the road got upset and called the cops for door knocking.

Like a few other times this has happened and the cops showed up, I was polite understanding all sides. The cop was nice and we had short talk for a moment. She took my id and when she put it over the radio they said something to her and well she’d then ask me to put my hands behind my back.

One of my first thoughts was “why now”

But that’s for another story.

I had failed to appear at court for a case almost 5 years prior (also another story) and it hadn’t shown up until now.

The drive to the jail wasn’t long in reality but it felt like a long time, I knew my job was going to find out and that sucked, I knew my family would find out and that wasn’t so bad, I knew what people would think. I knew they wouldn’t really ever get to know each he full story and honestly sometimes neither do I. But I know it better, so whatever they thought or you the reader may think, just knows there’s more to it than was appears on the surface.

I had dreamt of being in jail for years now, there’s something about being stuck that really just tickles my anxiety to all time highs. I had seen this day coming a million miles away and boom it was finally here. Later perspective would say I’m glad this day finally came.

I get to the jail, one thing to the next and I’m in a holding cell with 6 plus people. People transferring/ murderers /domestic abusers/ thief’s* inside with me. And we’ll I’m tiny 🐣 but I wasn’t scared of the people inside I was more afraid of what was waiting for me on the outside. The people inside were just people. The type of people I’d grown up around. But on the outside I had fucked up again and I know those closest to me at the time expected this as well. Now let’s back up real quick.

I’ve mad a million mistakes, I’ve done wrong and although I’d like to think im a good person I accepted that I probably wasn’t and needed to change the way I was. Anyone who’s ever thought this definitely knows it doesn’t happen the first day,week,month, year. It’s a process. A long drawn out mental process. And at the point of this story I had began to make a come back. (More details in another story) but I was in love and although I had a lot on my plate to fix, I began fixing the most important part. My MIND. This period was very crucial to my growth. There was still a billion things to fix but I was finally in the right direction. I had finally found the person I thought I was meant to be with, the problem was I knew I wasn’t ready. I bring this up because this person I looked up too, you know that feeling when you’d fuck up as a teen and you knew your parents would still love you but they would be soooo disappointed, well I didn’t have that for my parents but with her I did. This idea that someone would look at the mess I made and still come sit beside me helped me grow and understand that this life isn’t about me. It’s about those around you who will hold you up when your down. Who won’t let you just petty yourself, but hold you up and accountable. I’ll touch more on this another time getting back to the story.

If you didn’t know jail was definitely not meant for someone with adhd. In case you didn’t know. I paced that 10-12 cell with 4 rows (one broke) for 8 hrs and I get ptsd just writing this lol I’m a weenie but for real it wasn’t fun. I didn’t care that I was in jail, I cared that I made it this far just to collide back down and I let down the only person I looked up to at this point in my life The day before thanksgiving. I’ve been a million things, being the person who let someone down who believed in them was by far my least favorite thing. I felt humbled

-B 4/10/23

[troglobite]

alksjdf

so i was feeling great abt the fact that i had successfully updated the method of doing this particular project at work

i got credit for it, everyone was happy

well

the woman in charge of it all told nobody abt it

all the other managers were supposed to be told AT SOME POINT

but she didn't do it

so i'd been doing these projects just for her and her own trainee manager, so i had complete approval

i for the first time did one of these for a different manager

and she (kindly enough, i'll say) replied quickly to tell me i had Done It Wrong and i should Train With [woman who DID in fact train me already] to Do It Right and Keep It Consistent, especially for the company's president

my supervisor had to email like "this other manager AND the president of the company have already approved it bc it saves upt o 20% of time on doing these things. sorry. we'll tell the other managers, now."

except it should've been that other manager's job like jfc

so i get to look like a dipshit idiot bc this woman completely fucked up and warned nobody like jfc

it's also completely ridiculous bc i changed, ultimately 3-4 things on a project that involved approximately 400 steps, and the final result barely looks different. the differences? the numbers are all the same color instead of some red, some blue. i got rid of a circle/box. i don't needlessly align all the numbers by hitting space 800 fucking times, bc i included punctuation/formatting to make things legible.

ALSO this sucks bc the woman who trained me ALSO HADN'T BEEN TOLD ABOUT THESE CHANGES OR THAT THEY'RE SO MUCH FASTER

so now THIS is how she finds out, bc she was looped in on the email

incredible

i'm sure she'll be thrilled (read: pissed and offended) that the upstart not-even-30-year-old fixed her job to make it faster and Nobody Fucking Told Her About It.

great work, first manager whose responsibility all of this was

god these fucking ppl

i, quite literally, do not get paid enough to deal w this bullshit. and also i'm more proactive and better at my job than you all despite that. (i am still a lowly assistant, i do like 2-5 things, that's it, and that's the way i want to keep it, but it took me less than a couple weeks and maybe 10-12 hrs to start figuring out and nailing down how to make this tedious slog of a project go much faster so that they can get off our asses abt getting these things done in time for the crunch of all the meetings they have)

anyway. fun.

i hate being looped into these email chains, now. previously it was just me and my supervisor. now it's all these other ppl in a diff timezone who i don't particularly like.

hate this shit.

whatever. not my fault. not my problem. they should all know--or be told--that i work part time, weird hours, in a different time zone.

okay but also literally this woman literally said she would do the work of convincing the other managers and letting them know it was all approved and the president liked the new way

and she meets with the managers basically every fucking day of the week

and it's been weeks

and she hasn't fucking brought it up at all

just left me out to dry like that jfc

and also never told the woman who trained me! EVIL! she's nearing retirement age and has been doing this herself forever! LET HER DO IT FASTER!

[sweaterkittensahoy]

When my endo was absolutely taking me out pain-wise, I did all the right things to not get fired for absences. This involved filling out paperwork with my doctor that explained that YES I have a pain condition and YES it stops me from working and YES I need to be able to use more than my alotted PTO to cover it all.

I was literally walking around the company like Professor Farnsworth because standing up straight hurt too much, and I was STILL shamed for needing to take time off.

Did I miss deadlines?

No.

Did I request extensions?

No.

I literally met every expectation they asked of me with the only thing I asked is that I could call in and say, "I can't fucking make it". All they had to do was go, "Yup, okay, you've still got plenty of non-paid days to use for that. See you when we see you."

By chance, I worked with a truly excellent manager who understood fully how much effort it took for me to show up. She knew I hit my deadlines. She made sure other people knew this. But it also came down to me just texting her, "I can't get out of bed today."

And she'd send back. "Okay. But I need you the rest of the week."

Translation= "I know you can take care of your work, but people are starting to say you're untrustworthy because they don't see you."

I finally got approved for a hysterectomy. Two days before my surgery--which HR knew about because I'd filled out all the paperwork to take six weeks off that were supposed to protect me from getting fired from absenteeism, I got a call from HR.

From the HR person who'd hired me on. From the HR person who'd encouraged me to fill out the intermittent leave paperwork. From the HR person who'd sent me links to all the surgical leave paperwork.

"Oh, Gayle, I know you're taking leave in a couple of days, and you're off for six weeks, and I just wanted to let you know that we're not sure we'll need you when you're ready to come back."

So, fun fact: This is illegal. But it was worded in gray-area illegal where the only way I could get anyone smacked for saying this to me was to have the energy to file a complaint, then follow up and fight.

I barely had the energy to stand.

Instead, I called a former supervisor who had been trying to get the company to let me update manuals to meet a contractual obligation for months. They'd refused over and over.

I think my message was, "Hey, it's me. I go on leave in two days for that surgery I warned you about, and now HR is telling me they don't think they'll have work for me when I get back."

Guess who came back for six months, hated every second of it, but got that fucking money. .

When they finally fired me, I couldn't claim anything concrete. Yeah, I knew there was plenty of work I could be doing, but I also knew I couldn't prove they were holding it from me because they wanted me to quit.

It took me 18 months to find a new job. Honestly, looking back, I can't imagine I was worth a damn in an interview for the first year. I know all my words sounded like they need for an interview, but I'm sure my tone was "those fuckers" and I was still recovering from a level of daily pain that should have (this is not a joke) made me pass out according to the pain scale.

I am a loud and fierce advocate for my co-workers to not only work 40 hours and only 40 hours, but also to shut off notifications at lunch and breaks and work whatever schedule gets them their 40 in the least painful way possible.

Will I be on a 5:01 PM when you finally feel pain-free enough to think clearly about the email I sent at 8:01 AM? Fucking nope. I'm done at fucking five. If I've got more questions, I'll ask and wait. You take care of you.

do able-bodied bodied people not understand that if disabled people call out of work every time they don't feel good that we would call out of work every fucking day?

like honestly. what do you think being disabled means?

[like-wuatafauq]

You're so right like as painful as it was at least now you know exactly what you DON'T want in a partner. Anyone would be blessed to be on the receiving end of your affection. I just know your future partner is going to feel like the luckiest girl in the world :(((

And yesss it's been such a blast making all these new online friends! Haha probably they all just want to follow me because of how pretty I am right? Lol kidding... 😋

But no for real my moots are mostly other lesbians! If you don't know there's this whole "lesbian apocalypse" trend happening where we're all mutually following each other

And thank you for the sweet compliment on my femme game!!! Wahhh I'm blushing ☺️

I'm more into the himekaji aesthetic (it's a specific Japanese gyaru substyle) and I'm still learning all the ropes but there's so many other aesthetics I'd love to experiment with too eventually

And I can say the same about butches!!! You guys are just CHEF'S KISS like I'm trying my hardest not to turn this into a full-blown rant about how cool and handsome butches are but let's just say I have a massive appreciation for you guys <333

Ooh random questions! Do you consider yourself more of an extrovert, an introvert, or a mix of both? And how's your day going so far? Have you had a chance to eat and stay hydrated?

From ♡

Exactlyyyyy and thank youuu, I hope she does end up feeling like the luckiest girl in the world and like the prettiest girl in the world too!! :)

That sounds so much fun you sound more extroverted would you consider yourself that? And oh I haven't heard about that mutual following each other things but that sounds nice! And himekaji sounds really cute are you Japanese is that why or you just like the aesthetic? I could never pull that off bcuz I would feel so itchy wearing femme clothes. If I wear femme clothes I like dark aesthetic like that, I would wear or traditional Mexican clothes which is waaay brighter but that's the only bright style femme clothes I'd wear.

Also thank you for the butch appreciation I love butch4femme so much because the history of it is sooo beautiful. I also have a hard time getting away from women who come up to me at bars it's really really hard for me to be mean to women so it be nice if I had a femme close to me so they wouldn't come close or if they did she'd handle it easier than I can bcuz fr fr I notice I'm not as mean as I should be when women do something fucked up towards me. I don't want to sound codependent about that I really try working on it but it's hard because I don't like raising my voice or doing a negative physical act against a woman so I appreciate femmes sooooo soooo much when they help with that.

I think I'm a mix of both introvert and extrovert depending how I feel and situation I'm in. As for my day ngl I just woke up (for reference its about to be 3pm) because I had to go in at 7 am to get 2 MRI tests done amd that took 2 hrs and when I got back I tried to put my eyebrow piercing on and I almost passed out so i still haven't put it on because I tried eating a sandwich and drinking some water then fell asleep but I just woke up and tried doing some things and I feel very drained. My body feels super weak and I feel dizzy and stomach and chest feel weirs so not so good I guess.

But! I'm gonna try to drive like 5 minutes out and get me some real food and if I still feel terrible I'm gonna call my nurse, so we shall see!!:)

[lorddarkkitty]

I didn’t play any Skyrim today and it too late to start playing cause who knows hold long a quest can take me to do cause I’m slow and sometimes explore on my way to places. I did get packages yesterday.

I already have The Witch and the Beast volume 5 and 6. I haven’t read those yet cause my focus was playing Skyrim for hours on end. I ended up buying Volumes 7 and 8. I also got the Witch hat Atelier volume 2 and 3.

I took time yesterday to catch up on the one piece manga and show and today I really just watched Markipler. Tho it was only one video I watch which was Crimsom snow. I like and hr and 40 minutes long but it took most of the day to watch it cause I kept pausing it to do other stuff or read something on my phone or daydream lol

I haven’t drawn in a while so I want to start doing that again cause Killer’s birthday is coming up and I want to draw something for it. But I often feel a lack of motivation and creativity that brings about a sense of sorrow (if that the right word or even makes sense) that I kinda don’t pick up a pencil or iPad. I kinda need to find the fun in it again and probably work on my perfectionism.

Not to mention that for some reason I can’t wake up in the morning like I do on days for work where I have to wake up at like 720am to get ready. On my days off I just sleep until 11 or 12 sometimes even 1 pm no matter the alarms I set. It’s not that I don’t hear them, I do, I just turn them off and go back to bed. I also have trouble going to sleep on my days off that sometimes even tho I’m in bed and laying down I’m on my phone til like 3 am and I guess that why waking up at 7 am makes it hard. Even tho I want to cause waking up that early in the morning gives me more time to do things like play Skyrim for even longer so I don’t have to go into like 1 or 2 am playing a game and I get the chance to maybe read or draw or listen to lectures. Problem is I can also get distracted easily too and end up doing nothing at all.

[miradelletarot]

Omg ty for tagging me!! This should be hella fun! I hope I did this right...I spent like 2 hrs trying to go thru songs and outfits. Was a great time trying to flesh out this part of her personality a bit more though!

5 Songs, 3 Outfits

RULES: post 5 songs associated with your OC, followed by 3 outfits they would wear

Tags: **I am terrible with the tagging thing so PLEASE if you see this consider yourself tagged ok?** So, Sagora Crefort is a wood, half-elf druid. She loves animals, has an obvious love of nature, and just appreciates living a simple, carefree life (esp with Gale). She's been through significant trauma though, but through time and with a lot of help from Gale, she's been overcoming a lot of her demons, or at least starting to. She's also suffered great loss in her family before the tadpole nonsense, and this has shaped her personality in a lot of ways. She was expected to be a stoic, serious, shrew of a woman, but through such a dire circumstance (tadpole shit,) she met someone who makes her feel loved and happy, and more free to experience life. (Gotta fic series about her story, and her time with Gale on AO3 if you're interested!) So, let's start with her 5 songs!

World Spins Madly On - The Weepies This one really speaks to her state of mind with a very close loved one passed away. Listen Here

Bloom - The Paper Kites This is just one of many songs that describes how she feels about Gale. She just wants to always be close to him because he makes her feel so loved and safe. She has no idea how she got so lucky, but she dies for every moment with him. Every touch. Every kiss. Listen Here

Devourer - Aidoneus So, I think this song kinda paints a reasonable picture of how she felt after her trauma. She just felt empty, and numb, like nothing more than a hollow shell of her former self. She's trying to come to terms with how she feels, and how she will move forward. Of course, she somehow feels like she could have done something different to stop this from happening (even though there wasn't). She's angry at the world at this point in her life with only more tragedy to come (this is post bg3 backstory btw). Listen Here

In Venere Veritas - HIM This one is special, because I see this as Sagora's AND Gale's song as they both go through some really awful shit in their lives as individuals, and choose to work through it together on this wild, nonsensical healing journey. Thanks, Ilithids for bringing these two dorks together, I guess? LOL "Let's fall apart together, now" is such an incredible line because it says to the other person that you are not alone, and we will work though our collective shit together so it sucks a little less. We're healing, we are picking up the pieces, mending our broken hearts, and forging a new path together. It's quite pivotal for Sagora because in a time where she expected to suffer alone, she found this wizard who was hurting as much as she was, if not more so why not figure out how to overcome the challenges together? Listen Here

Wolves of the Revolution - The Arcadian Wild Sagora has always kinda stepped to the beat of her own drum no matter the situation. In the face of any adversity, or strange looks, or whatever, she's done her best to stay true to herself. During her journey with the companions, she continues to fight for what's right, and do her best to live a life that Silvanus would be proud of. After all, she was supposed to become First Druid in her grove before the Ilithids took her. Through her many difficulties, she did her best to lick her wounds and move on. She survived. She thrived. Listen Here

Now, for the OUTFITS!!! WOO! 1. She is a VERY casual, relaxed person. More than likely, she'd be in some very light, comfortable pants that are easy to move in like these. (not the top tho...ignore that lol).

2. If we're going formal she would 100% wear something dark green, or dark teal. She loves a plunging neckline, and flowy/fun fabrics. Again, she does like comfort so she would more than likely choose some sort of airy fabric, but with nature-themed details. Tulle isn't her first choice, but she does appreciate how fun it is to wear so she indulges from time to time.

OH, she'd TOTALLY wear a flowery antlered crown like this (but with...real antlers ofc lol)

3. Last, but not least, sleepwear! Again, she is built for comfort, not for speed (lol) so she'll be, more often than not, wearing some sort of airy, light PJs while lounging about the tower in Waterdeep with her beloved Gale. And they would absolutely be only partially buttoned because...well, let's face it. She needs to take them off. A lot. Can't imagine why tho. 😏 I was also trying to find something that was long and maybe silky? or maybe like some sorta see-through ish fabric? something that would drape loosely on her body that is equal parts sexy asf and very comfortable. I couldn't find what I was looking for so this is the alternative. Either way, her clothes are coming off. heh. 😏

5 Songs, 3 Outfits

RULES: post 5 songs associated with your oc, followed by 3 outfits they would wear

Tagged by @twistedapple - thank you~ And tagging in: @miradelletarot @morb-untamed @littleprincepaladin @daiya-owoda and @firlionemoontav Also if anyone is reading this and hasn't been tagged and wants to join in, well I'm terrible at choosing and remembering usernames so consider me tagging you in~ Going to put all of this below the cut so it doesn't clog your feeds, but this will all be based on my favourite Tav from @atavsguide, (all chapters are on that side blog as well as AO3). She is my absolute disaster of an elf and a woman who knows so few limits I'm genuinely concerned for her safety. Split heritage leaves her with a pale tone to her skin and long dark hair that's more often tied back to keep most of the blood out. I don't often describe her much in the fic and honestly don't have any good screenshots that I'd say really embody who she is to me, so you'll have to live with outfits and vibes~ Anyway, Tav's outfits and music below the cut!

Formal Outfit

Tav...doesn't really do formal, but Raphael did make her a dress in her dream which was later brought into vivid reality. Hardly the finery suited to the upper classes of Baldur's Gate, the inspiration was arguably more about making her feel uncomfortable and acutely aware of the particular eyes on her form. Tav is far more at home in leathers that carry a lingering scent of blood and sweat, something she can fight and escape in, but even the seasoned rogue knows when a distracting disguise is useful.

Product image from La Belleza Boutique https://www.labellezaboutique.co.uk/product-page/red-silk-dress

Casual Outfit

Tav is fond of red and black, but half her outfits are scavenged and stolen. Lacing and corseting isn't for fashion, it's to make sure things fit in the first place. A jacket keeps out the cold, but a distracting top underneath can be useful for a variety of scenarios... Pair all this with a comfortable pair of boots that come halfway up her shin, nice flat soles and well worn leather, soft to running down the harsh streets but still tough enough to withstand planting a solid kick when necessary.

Corset top, Ebay https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/386162837704

Long Jacket, Violent Delights https://violentdelights.co.uk/products/devil-fashion-libertines-remorse-womens-gothic-aristocrat-dovetail-coat-red-black

Lace up leather trousers, Leather City https://www.theleathercity.com/product/womens-lace-up-flare-brown-leather-pant/

Lingerie

I struggled to find anything that matched what I'd see our favourite disaster in, so I went with something sturdy but sexy. Dark, alluring, she knows what she wants at the end of the day and that's clearly [explicit redacted] with whoever falls into her bed - "take pleasure where you can, you never know when this night might be your last".

Velvet and Lace Lingerie Set, Killstar https://www.succubus.com/products/killstar-sacred-spirits-velvet-bralet-black

---

The Music Of ATG's Tav

1. Empire of the Sun - Solence

An old favourite, playing on the shifting moods between longing and a need to find a way out of a loop that never seems to end. Warming up to the idea of love being for herself and not just what other people get to enjoy is not easy for Tav but that doesn't mean she doesn't desperately want to hold on to every moment of sunlight on her skin.

2. Break Me - Serenity

Lyrics of resilience wrapped in a sensual tune with a harder edge. Tav has this on repeat now and then. She's never sure if she feels strong or sad, but it's a song that resonates with a lifetime of troubles interspersed with whatever moments of bliss she can steal for herself.

3. Dawn - Echo Black

Listen this might be becoming a battle of "who needs therapy more, Lia or Tav" but I promise this is all her~

4. Masks - Aviators

I'm not saying that Tav has trust issues...but she definitely does. You don't survive for 2 centuries on your own without building up your defences and learning to see through the convenient lies and faces everyone hides behind in the street.

5. Fire Up The Night - New Medicine

When Tav cuts loose, she thoroughly enjoys herself. Lust is a chance encounter to indulge in, an opportunity to explore, and she's not letting a single one of those chances pass her by.

--- --- OK that'll do it! I spent way too long on this but it was fun~ Thanks for the tag! I'll have to get some more OCs in my head eventually, but not until Tav's found the end of her story~

[ughhheragain]

The moon boys falling in love with their therapist headcanons?

Steven

"Bullocks" was his very first thought when it hit him.

Steven was on the bus home, after yet another therapy session to which he had become accustomed to. After the "incident" occurred at the museum, he’d felt extremely bad about it and brought himself to accept going to therapy, on the advice of HR.

His heart had jumped on more than one occasions whenever he was in your presence. The setting — although purely profession — still felt intimate to him. During those sessions, it was only the two of you, which Steven wasn’t used to. Sure, he’d spent hours with a colleague or Donna on work duty but none of these women had ever made him feel anything else than friendly thoughts or in Donna’s case, resentment.

Being with you was something else. You’ve never made him feel like he was different, stupid or as if he’s not making sense whenever he speaks his mind. He doesn’t feel invalidated with you and for that, he’s grateful.

Another thing is that he was striked by your beauty since day one. As soon as he saw who asked for "Steven Grant?" in the waiting room next to your office, he was at loss for words.

Somehow, he managed to articulate, "Me? I- I’m Steven Grant." His knees almost gave him up when he tried to get up.

Now, I’m not saying that having Steven as your patient is an easy thing either. At times, it’s hard to keep yourself from smiling too hard whenever he gets caught up in his stories about Ancient Egypt or Egyptian Gods. To not offer to go talk to Donna yourself whenever he shares the awful things she tells him. Steven just has this thing about him that’s difficult to pinpoint.

It’s also difficult to hear him trash talk about himself and invalidating his own thoughts. He’s quick to underestimate himself and in these cases, it’s complicated to stay professional and not go to hold him close as to comfort him.

For you, Steven fell and he fell pretty hard. This leads him to stutter and become a blushing mess when he realises that you really take interest in what he has to share.

Before he finally builds the courage to invite you to dinner, he rehearses in front of his mirror, correcting himself over and over again. "C’mon Steven, you’ve never looked this silly. - What am I even doing?"

He’s also wondered if he was even allowed to invite you out. Was it against the rules?

But, turned out that he didn’t have much time to think about it because he soon came back to his senses.

And when he did so, he found you sitting across his table, in a beautifully dimmed down restaurant. "This, this can’t be," he thought, astonished. You looked beautiful, drop dead gorgeous he’d say even.

At this dinner, you talked about your potential relationship and you told him that no one could know about this, until you could figure it out.

But, this didn’t upset him.

"I- I’d love to be your secret," he admitted almost in a whisper as a warm red was painting his cheeks slowly.

Marc

It took a very long time to get Marc to open up to you. And, even when he started to, you’d always feel that he was still keeping a lot to himself.

I’d say that it took at least 5 sessions to get him to talk to you about his past without having to invite him to do so with questions.

He’s find things to fidget with while talking. Pens, his phone, this little plushy toy you keep on the couch that seems easier to play with rather than having to face your gaze.

But, with time, he’d learned to recognise that you weren’t there to judge him, at all. That feeling was very unknown to him, who’d grown up constantly feeling rejected, as if he didn’t belong. Because it was all the contrary with you, therapy sessions started to become his safe space.

But then, he realised that he’d fallen for you. For your smile, your laugh he’d manage to hear after making a self-deprecating joke — you hadn’t laughed because he was making fun of himself but more out of relief to see that he was making progress and finding light in his errors —, for the comforting words that would come out of your mouth without restraint. Everything you did or said seemed genuine for him and it was comforting.

Many nights were spent sitting on the floor, his back against an empty bed. Some times he’d have a drink in hand, others it’d be his phone as his finger would hover over your number, wondering if calling you would be the right thing to do.

"For God’s sake, shut up Steven, would you? It’s not your call to make," he’d snap at Steven’s reflection in the mirror, who’d spent the last minute trying to convince him to give it a try.

"Actually mate, it kinda is. Now, you can make fun of me all you want but here, you’re the one who’s shitting himself and not being the most courageous."

"Oh, fuck me," Marc growled, shutting the mirror doors abruptly before squeezing the bridge of his nose in defeat.

That night, he grabbed his phone and grew the guts to call you.

"Hey, Dr.-"

"Hi, Marc?- It’s late, isn’t it? Is everything okay?"

Looking back at the time at the top of his screen, which read 9PM, he closed his eyes and bit his lower lip rather strongly. "Right. Have you eaten yet?" he asked, hoping to God that it wasn’t the case.

"Actually, no. I was about to order something, why’s that? Are you okay, Marc?"

His heart swooned when realising that you’d asked him twice about how he was doing, meaning that you cared.

"I am, don’t worry. I haven’t eaten either."

Now, you knew what was coming and smiled on the other end.

"Would you like to come get dinner with me? On me.- I mean, it’s on me. Fu- I’ll pay is what I mean."

Hearing Marc actually let the stress get the best of him and stutter made you laugh in a way that reassured him. It was warm and genuine, which didn’t make him feel judged.

His heart skipped yet another beat when you said "Of course, sure Marc. I’ll send you the address, text me when you’re here."

• After he hung up, he went to grab a jacket and put it on in front of the mirror, where he had to face Steven again, who greated him with a proud grin. "See? Wasn’t so hard, wasn’t it?"

Marc scoffed, adjusting his collar, "Because you’re one to speak, right."

Steven rolled his eyes, "Not fair, mate. But, you can have a laugh as much as you want at my expense, you owe me."

"For what, now?" Marc stopped to look at Steven, with his eyebrows raised.

"Well, if I hadn’t pissed you off,-"

"And you’re doing it again, see?" Marc cut Steven off and finished to tie his tie. In the other mirror, Steven closed his eyes for a second and sighed, "I’m not wining this one, am I?"

"Not tonight, brother. Tonight will be my night," he stated at Steven first and repeated the last part once again, but to him as a way to motivate himself.

a.n. here is my first Moon Knight work!! i really love writing about these two — Jake will appear soon, I just need to really get to know his character in more depth so it can be accurate —, i’ll gladly take more HCs requests <3