#it took me 10 minutes to hit post ffs

[herrscherofmagic]

does anyone else get that weird feeling when you can look at a bajillion different art styles and go "yeah that's neat! love it! so cool!" and then as soon as you do absolutely any of your own drawing, there's just a constant alarm going off in your head saying "THIS IS INCORRECT AND IF YOU DON'T FIX IT, IT WILL LOOK TERRIBLE AND ANATOMICALLY INACCURATE" despite it being nothing different from all those other art styles you see and love??? like "uncanny valley" but w/ all your own artwork and almost all the time

like I was just thinking about this, because there's lots of awesome artists I follow on Instagram & Tumblr that have interesting styles that don't necessarily follow real-life human proportions. It's often different variants of anime art but that's not always the case, and across pretty much all these different styles you have different things like how the contours of the face are (i.e. chin, cheeks), or the size/spacing of eyes, or the way the mouth is drawn

but it's just occurred to me that whenever I draw, there's pretty much always a constant nagging feeling, that I have to fix every anatomical or rendering mistake and if I don't then it just won't look "right", and that's one of the biggest things that stops me from completing 99% of my art

like earlier today I posted a 10-minute sketch, and it was obviously not "good anatomy"- it was pure vibes, just drawing what felt right in the moment and immediately posting it without trying to correct anything at all. and as soon as I did it, it hit me- that was probably the first time I've ever just created a piece of art for fun with virtually zero concern about "accuracy". Everything else I ever work on is always constantly drawn-out and changed and modified endlessly because it never feels "correct" and I don't feel like I can proceed with it.

today I've spent more than 3 hours just practicing how to draw heads, and it was the same thing. I was doing okay, but it took ages to get through even the simple parts like drawing straight from an anatomy ref. and it drives me insane not just because of perfectionism or whatever... but the fact that there's not a single "correct" human figure.

There's a ton of natural variation in how people appear, that's why we're all unique ffs! Different people have differently-shaped faces, their noses look different, their cheeks are different, their foreheads can be different, the wrinkles or freckles or eyebrows or eye shape or X Y Z are all varied and unique among different people.

Of course there are certain basic proportions and principles, you don't put someone's eyes on the back of their head, but I know all the basic proportions at this point and I've made a ridiculous amount of figure drawings both live and from photo, quite literally hundreds of drawings ranging from 1-3 minute gestures all the way to 1-, 2-, 3-hour-long works.

So why is it that no matter who or what I draw there's always that piercing & uncanny feeling? that i'm never able to capture a likeness of someone whether real or fictional, whether I'm trying to draw realistically or stylized?? it feels like I'm still getting something fundamentally wrong all the time even when I've studied all the basics and so much more, and even when my own professors look at what I do and say it's correct.

it's probably the autism, since there's a ton of other things in life where I appreciate predictability and uniformity and certainty. math problems have correct answers, essays can have certain types of analysis, machines can be described in terms of mechanical principles. But art isn't like that, and I've had similar issues w/ my art classes before, I just never quite thought of it from this specific perspective. I knew I struggled with open-endedness in projects, but this feels like something even deeper and more infuriating than that >.>

going back to that sketch, I can look at it and see obvious simple mistakes that I didn't bother to fix because I kept it strictly to 10 minutes. the chin is an obvious one, for instance, and the eyes could be better too. but I don't want to go back to that artwork, partially because it's just a 10-min sketch and it's not really anything that profound, but also partially because even though I know I can make it better I'm scared that as soon as I start messing with it I'll never be able to look at it comfortably ever again because it'll always feel incorrect. Not incorrect because I didn't care but incorrect despite me caring so much. which feels so much worse than just making a silly mistake when you're drawing normally.

[shabby-blog]

"doesn't apply to UK" alright gimme a second.

It took me 2 minutes to scroll through my small towns "missing pets" Facebook page and saw 10 missing cats and 4 "does anyone know this cat" posts.

I'm actually surprised I didn't see any dead ones in there because there's usually someone finding a cat that's been hit by a car at lease twice a day.

I have 3 cats, 2 used to be outdoor and the third was a stray. ALL of them are indoor only now and none of them have gone missing, been kidnapped, been killed, come back with dead animals, or fleas. Keep your cats indoors FFS.

talking to outdoor cat defenders like

[azkabqn]

I wasn't sure if I was going to post anything for mental health awareness month. But as afraid as I am with admitting my struggles, I feel like it's something that isn't shared enough. And if you dont want to read this than thats totally fine. I just ask that if you're going through your own battles, I strongly encourage you to seek out help. It's terrifying but necessary. Mental illness is a liar and it blindfolds you. Don't let hope become a memory. Your life is worth changing.

Im Lydia, im 22 and for the past 3 years I've suffered with severe depression and anxiety. And I guess this is a post to bring to light how exhausting mental health can be. But also how it's so worth it to fight for better.

It's scary how long you can live with it and never really notice. It creeps its way in so slowly that your mind begins to recognise the thought process as a state of normal. I'd sometimes come across a post about a strangers brave battle with mental illness and never once thought, hey that's me. I'd read and often relate but never saw it in myself. I'm still not sure why, but I think it was the part of me that was trying to deny it.

I pulled away from everything and everyone around me til all I did was stare at my ceiling fan making mental lists of everything I should be doing, but laying on my bed sounded the most comfortable. Depression and anxiety became comfortable. When I think about it now, that's so incredibly fucked up. My mind was more content staring at nothing than doing the things I loved, the education I paid for, sitting down and spending time with family and friends. Taking a shower. It was more comfortable to sit and stare for months than to participate in life.

It's terrifying how quickly willpower can be snuffed out. How suddenly rational thinking is drowned by the flood of panic and tears. Your mind races through thoughts quicker than your heart is pumping. And all you've done is sit and stare at a blank page for 5 minutes. A piece of paper and the intention to fill it is too daunting to consier. Everyone around you can do it so easily. But they dont get it, you have to write you have to think and when you struggle to come up with even 1 reason to get out of bed each day. Every little thing becomes a mountain. And when you have a birds eye view of that mountain range, pulling up the bed covers and rolling over feels safer.

It took me 3 years to recognise I needed help. I'd go through cycles with intense bursts of depression and anxiety, followed by a wave of numbness. In those times I felt nothing I thought i was getting better, feeling nothing is better than feeling everything at once. It took me going through a few very hard situations; each time tipping me to my limits, each scaring the hell out of my parents and the people around me getting caught in my emotional crossfire, before recognising I needed help. I mistook numbness for peace and that's why the cycles continued.

My mind had beaten into me for years that I was alone in this world, that no one truly cared. And to finally need someone to care, feels like seeing a small light being turned on in the distance and blindly running in the dark to a vague direction. You have no idea whats hiding between you and that light. You're suddenly aware of how exposed you are, and how dark it really is.

I read that pirates wore eyepatches so that when they would walk between above and below deck they wouldn't be blinded by the stark difference in environment. Seeing a therapist feels a little like you've been below deck in the slog of chaos, desperately trying to keep your ship a float by yourself. No longer wearing an eyepatch because there's never time to go upstairs. Then suddenly a calm voice and door opens and the light floods in and its terrifying because its new and different, but when you breathe that first breath of fresh air and once your eyes adjust, you see exactly how you've been living. And bullying yourself like that is no way to live.

I was in therapy for months, arming myself with techniques to rewire my brain function. Literally. My therapist had me drawing a sheild at one point. But my mental health journey isn't one to be ashamed of. It's not the first thing I talk about with people, but im slowly learning to accept that that road was a necessary one for my personal growth. I'm out of therapy now, but constantly still using techniques I've learnt to keep myself in this new positive head space I've fought for.

To be totally cliché, im going to end this with some lyrics from Last Hope by Paramore.. Because to be honest I'm not really sure how else to end this, but this song really did help me get through the wost of times.

"And the salt in my wounds isn't burning anymore than it used to. It's not that I don't feel the pain it's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore.

It's just a spark, But it's enough to keep me going

(So if I let go of control now, I can be strong)

And when it's dark out, no one's around, It keeps glowing."

[pro-xy]

Welcome to this week's meltdown post 180 degree longitude, buckle up my emotions are all over the place.

First thing first, I can't move on from In stopping Wang. I can't and won't let go of that moment, i'm keeping it in my heart forever, pretty much like the whole series at this point. I'm holding onto this scene for strength for what's ahead.

After 7 episodes i still don't get how In can be so chill about two people 'invading' his space, as an introvert i know i would freak out 100% like, no m'am, you won't throw a party at my house with a bunch of people i don't know. Nope. Mi casa no es su casa ffs.

As a uni dropout I kind of appreciate In telling Wang to follow his passion and choose philosophy as his major, it's refreshing to see.

Can't have an episode without Wang challenging In at least once. We (and I mean me) love to see it.

Mol is a certified party pooper. Do i need to elaborate on this? I don't think so.

I won't touch on her narrating the post award ceremony events, it pisses me off too much.

Let's give a 10 at In's expertise in deflecting potential uncomfortable situations, at least this once.

Okay Mol, we know you know and now they know it too (subtlety left the chat). On a serious note here we go again with her belittling Wang's feelings. Is this something new? No. Does it rub me the wrong way anyway? Heck yes.

If we took half a step toward moving from the past last episode then we took 10 steps back with this one.

I still stand by what I said last week about how every character is lonely in their own different way and I think I really hit the nail in the head that time.

Someone should remind Mol that even though Wang is her son, he's still his own person and he's not her property and as such he has a right to make his own choices which don't have anything to do with how much he loves her or not.

If I could give Wang a hug and tell him he's not a disappointment I would, lord knows i would. The pleading in his eyes, shit, that hurt. If anything, he's the one who should be disappointed in Mol cause for all her big talks of loving her son, well, she's not doing a very good job. As she likes to remind him, she may have given him privileges because of her fame and the money that come with it, but love? Does she actually love Wang for who he is, all the good and the 'bad' or does she only love her ideal version she has of him? I think they should have a conversation about the love she thinks she gave him and the love he needed her to give him.

'I may be young, I still have a lifetime ahead of me but how long do i have to wait? Do i have to wait until those people die so i can love who i love?' Don't touch me cause i might crumble, my emotional sanity is hanging by a thread at this point. He's so strong for staying true to his feelings and his identity, I love him so much.

When will In stop running away? Man, I'm so confused. I thought he was finally ready to be free and begin to move forward but now I'm not so sure. Old habits die hard, they say. It's frustrating, that's what it is.

The look in Wang's eyes when he looks at In is the same In had when he spoke about Siam and all I know is pain.

I am of the opinion that a conversation starting with 'do you have a minute' never bodes well and i'm not wrong. I hate everything about that conversation but I also feel it's very telling about Mol's character and the dynamics between her and In. I shed angry tears when she had the guts to ask him to give everything up for her, again, when there's nothing left he could give her and at the end of the day Wang is still her son, no one's gonna take that away from her also he never gave any sign he wanted to cut her off his life or did i miss something? Is she really so selfish to not realize she's setting up Wang for a lifetime of unhappiness? Doesn't she recognize what's happening again? Mol is entitled to her own feelings okay yes, but I can't with her. First she doubts Wang's feelings who's probably the one most in tune with his own feelings out of the three of them, then she says she wants to make him normal again? What does that even mean? Normal by her standards? I want to scream.

I don't think i know how to explain how bad i feel about the last five minutes of this episode, by now english is not englishing anymore and i'm just too wound up. The first time he's asking, no, he's begging be acknowledged he's let down by both of them because they're so obsessed with the ghost of his father they cannot see Wang who's standing in front of them baring it all for them, being vulnerable. Them walking away because they're not strong enough to face reality is probably the worst form of betrayal. In the end there's only loneliness, again.

[scarletslippers]

HEY! So the other day I was on my 10 millionth read of Nace fanfics on Ao3 (and I’m already a HUGE fan of all your work — which a lot I have read multiple times) but I stumbled upon All I’ve Ever Known (and I guess I never gave it a go before) BUT WOW… it blew everything out of the water (which I think it’s weird for me to say since you are an incredible writer and I love everything you write anyway) BUT DANG idk it just hit… the established Nancy/Ace (something I am a sucker for)… 1/?

(cont’d) The description/story telling, the way you portrayed grief for both Nancy/Ryan in a way that felt real and so like their characters, their dynamic, the way Carson was involved… it’s just CHEIFS KISS! BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL! BEAUTIFUL! I think some of my fav fics of yours just latch onto my heart and portray Nancy and the crew in such a way that makes it feel so real and possible. To me ff in just another media to see your fav characters in a different light and is something you do so well in all of your work. You are really such an amazing writer and one of my favs in the fandom. Every time I see you posted, it makes my heart so freaking happy! I just wanted to tell you that ily and think you are so talented! Thank you for all that you do! 💞

Anon. Anon. Anon.

I have taken 5 business days to absorb this love and I still have not recovered.

all I've ever known is so special to me because it feels like my first “real” fic 😂 It took me a long time to write it, and I meticulously edited it (vs my first two which were posted in the Nace brainrot haze). After I finished it I said to myself “I don’t think I’ll ever be one of those writers that writes really long fics. This feels like my area, 5-7k is good for me.” And then I laughed at myself and said “those are probably famous last words.” (they were. they are.)

And if you’ll indulge me for a minute... That fic is a bit of an enigma to me too because I can’t really tell if people like it. It’s a high hit count (maybe because it’s been posted for almost a year now?), a mid-range kudos count for me (but it gets new kudos relatively regularly?), but very few comments. I don’t know, when it pops up in my kudos email it makes me so happy that people are discovering it, but I also go “huh, I wonder what they thought.” I’m probably overthinking it (as I tend to do), and I’m definitely a little more self-critical of that fic because it was an early attempt and I don’t know that I’d write something like that now, but I’m still so so proud of it.

Anyway, all that is to say, thank you for reading it, for loving it, and for coming here to tell me so (maybe leave a comment too?). Your kind words definitely made me cry and helped boost a tough week. Also, if you haven’t go listen to the song All I’ve Ever Known from the Hadestown soundtrack, it’s so Nace it’s insane!

Thanks too for being a regular reader -- I’m actually planning to post a little tiny something later today so be on the lookout 👀

[annewritesfic]

Happy Endings Don’t Exist

i sat down and worked on this for the last FIVE HOURS y’all better appreciate it

based on chapters 4, 6, 9, and 10 of scarlet by marissa meyer

tw: mentions of gun, knives, blood, attempted murder... i think that’s it but lemme know if i missed anything

word count: 7266

The incarceration of Captain Farrah Thorne had gotten off to a rocky start.

(Farrah was fully aware, of course, that technically she’d been only a cadet when she’d gone on the run, but captain just sounded better.)

After the soap rebellion, Farrah had been put in solitary confinement, but she’d managed to sweet talk one of the guards into giving her their port screen. It was honestly probably because the guard thought Farrah was an idiot and wouldn’t be able to do anything with it, but no matter the reason, Farrah was now sitting cross-legged on her bed, fidgeting with the port screen.

Of course, the guard was right about Farrah not being able to do anything with the port screen.

She’d had it for several hours now and still hadn’t accessed her comms, any news feeds, or anything else useful. Looking up “how to break out of a high-security prison using only a port screen” probably wouldn’t get her anywhere, so now she was just absentmindedly entering the names of people she used to know, wondering where they were now.

The cell was painfully, obviously quiet, but slowly, Farrah noticed the sound of what almost seemed like a drill, coming from the ceiling. She looked up and briefly scanned the room, but there wasn’t much to see - the same plain, shiny white walls. If the prison was remodeling, Farrah hoped her cell was next.

The drill noise suddenly came louder, clearly directly above Farrah’s cell, and she watched curiously as one of the ceiling tiles was removed and someone jumped down, landing in a crouch and facing the wall opposite Farrah. The someone had messy brown hair tied in a ponytail, a crumpled white prison uniform, and one bare foot… and one metal foot. In fact, Farrah realized that the person’s left hand was plated with metal, too, and one finger had a screwdriver sticking out of the tip.

“Hello,” she said pleasantly. The cyborg jumped and slipped, turning to look at Farrah. “It seems you’ve stumbled into the wrong jail cell. Do you need directions to get back to yours?”

The cyborg narrowed her eyes at Farrah. “What…?”

Farrah smiled charmingly.

“These cells aren’t supposed to be occupied,” the cyborg said. Her voice was a little bit hoarse, like they hadn’t spoken in awhile.

“Special circumstances.”

“You’re not a murderer, are you?”

“Stars, no.” Farrah popped her collar proudly. “I started a riot in the yard. We were protesting the soap.”

The cyborg stared at her.

“The soap,” Farrah said again. “It’s way too drying. I have sensitive skin.”

“Huh,” the cyborg said, turning away. They stood up and kicked the fallen floor tile to the side, looking around, then knocked the side of her head with the heel of their human hand. “Stupid, stupid… one room off.”

Farrah watched them press a hand against the wall and blink a few times, like there was something stuck in their eye. “You’re escaping, aren’t you?”

“Not at this very moment, but that is the general idea, yes.” The cyborg sighed frustratedly, then spotted the port screen in Farrah’s hand. “Hey, what model is that?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” Farrah said honestly.

The cyborg crossed the room and snatched it out of her hand. “I need your vid cable.”

“My what?”

“Your vid cable. Mine’s on the fritz.” The cyborg sat cross-legged in the center of the room, port screen in her lap. Farrah realized that the screwdriver in their metal hand was a drill, and she watched curiously as the cyborg used it to remove the back panel and pulled out a yellow wire. She kicked the port screen aside and reached up to the back of their neck, unlatching a panel there. After a moment of fidgeting, the cyborg pulled out a blackened wire and then replaced it with the yellow one from Farrah’s port screen. She tossed the blackened wire aside and sighed, a brief smile crossing their lips. “Ugh, that’s so much better.”

Farrah picked up the port screen, mind whirling. “You have a port screen in your head?”

“Something like that.” The cyborg began running a hand across the wall. Farrah watched her pry one of the panels off the wall, and tried to make small talk, but the cyborg ignored her.

“When they locked you up, didn’t they think that maybe there were some… security weaknesses with you?” Farrah asked.

The cyborg sighed, sitting back on their heels and blowing a strand of hair out of her eyes. “There weren’t. The hand is new.” They stared at the open wall for a moment, thinking.

“You wouldn’t happen to be convicted of breaking and entering?” Farrah said, only half joking.

The cyborg rolled her eyes. “If you really have to know, two counts of treason, resisting arrest, and unlawful use of biolectricity. Oh, and illegal immigration, but I kind of think that’s a little excessive.”

Farrah squinted at her. “How old are you?”

“Sixteen.”

“How the hell-”

“It’s really complicated and I don’t wanna talk about it,” the cyborg snapped.

“O-kay.” Farrah sat back. “By the way, what’s your name?”

No response. The cyborg kept doing… whatever they were doing behind the panel.

“I’m Captain Farrah Thorne,” she said. “Most people call me Thorne, though. Or Captain. Or Captain Thorne-”

“Kate,” the cyborg said. “Just Kate.”

“Wonderful to make your acquaintance!” Farrah smiled brightly. “Are you in need of an accomplice? Because I happen to be a criminal mastermind-”

“Go away.”

“Um.” Farrah looked around the small, one-room cell. “Where?”

Kate closed her eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, then kept working.

“What’s your plan for when you get out?” Farrah asked.

“The most direct route out of the city is north,” Kate muttered. White flecks of plastic from the wall dusted their dark hair, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, my poor, sweet, naive little convict,” Farrah tutted. “That’s exactly what they’ll be expecting from you!”

“Please stop distracting me.”

“We might be able to help each other!”

“Leave me alone.”

“I have a ship.”

Kate actually looked at her.

“A spaceship,” Farrah said in a sing-song voice.

“A spaceship,” Kate repeated doubtfully.

“Yep!”

The cyborg paused, as if reading something on the wall behind Farrah. “It wouldn’t happen to be a stolen ship from the American Republic?”

“Yeah, how did you…” Farrah trailed off, then grinned and tapped the side of her head. “Port screen in the head?”

“The Republic hasn’t found the ship yet?”

“Nope. At least, I hope not. Stripped the tracking equipment, and it’s hiding in a warehouse over by the plague quarantines.” Farrah raised an eyebrow. “So? Need that accomplice?”

Kate said nothing and turned back to the wall.

“You look exhausted,” Farrah commented. “Need a back rub?”

Kate jolted upwards with a growl and whipped around to face Farrah. “Please, just-- just stop talking. Leave me alone.”

Farrah gasped a little and fell back against the wall, mind whirling. Kate’s image wavered just a bit, like heat in a desert, and Farrah’s heartbeat sped up, her head filling with thoughts of worship and devotion and surrender.

She was beautiful. Divine. Perfect.

“All right,” Farrah said slowly. “Anything you’d like.” She turned to face away from Kate, eyes watering, and the silence settled over both of them. Farrah and the cyborg, prison mate, goddess.

~

FARRAH THORNE

ID #0082688359

BORN 4 JUNE 106 T.E., AMERICAN REPUBLIC

FF 437 MEDIA HITS, REVERSE CHRON

POSTED 12 JAN 126 T.E.: EX-AIR FORCE CADET, FARRAH THORNE, HAS BEEN CONVICTED AND SENTENCED TO A SIX-YEAR PRISON SENTENCE AT THE END OF A SPEEDY TWO-WEEK TRIAL…

The green text scrolled across Kate’s vision without prompting, showing them a detailed record of the crimes of the annoying convict sitting just ten feet away. Despite only having turned twenty a few months ago, Farrah Thorne was guilty of one count of military desertion, two counts of international theft, one count of attempted theft, six counts of handling stolen goods, and one count of theft of government property.

“Government property” didn’t seem to do justice to the fact that Farrah Thorne had stolen a spaceship from the American Republic military. The spaceship she was so proud of.

She was currently about six months into her six year sentence in the Eastern Commonwealth (for attempted theft of a second-era jade necklace), but she was also wanted in Australia and, of course, America, and after this sentence was completed, would be standing trial and serving time in those countries as well.

Kate didn’t pause their work to think, even though her mind was racing. Escaping from prison was one thing, but could she really aid the escape of this actual, real criminal, in a stolen spaceship?

It’s a whole lot harder to find a criminal in space than on Earth, their mind tempted. Kate scowled and shoved away the thought.

Behind them, Farrah Thorne sat on the little white cot, chin resting in both hands, staring at the wall. Kate only risked half a glance back every few minutes - just looking at her made them feel guilty.

Leave me alone.

The words had tasted like fire, like ashes and burning and smoke. That heat had spread through Kate’s veins again - not as painful as it had been at the ball, but still not comfortable, either. She was pretty sure that using her gift - a genetic trait Lunars were born with that allowed them to sense and manipulate the biolectricity of other living creatures - wasn’t supposed to burn like that, but it was probably just a side effect of using it again for the first time in years. Probably for the first time ever, really. Kate didn’t know much about the Lunar gift, but it seemed unlikely that a three year old would be able to control it, and she’d only lived on Luna until they were that old.

Thirteen years ago, though, Queen Levana had tried to murder Princess Selene.

She’d tried to murder Kate.

By some miracle, Kate had survived and was smuggled down to Earth, and now thirteen years later, the lost Lunar princess was kneeling in a jail cell, white flakes of plastic decorating her white prison jumpsuit, the drill implanted in their metal hand helping her break out of New Beijing prison.

Literally, what the fuck?

Dr Erland had figured it out weeks ago, but had only decided to tell them less than twenty four hours ago, after Levana had recognized them at the annual peace ball and threatened war if Kate wasn’t immediately thrown in jail for being an illegal Lunar emigrant. Dr Erland had decided that was the perfect time to pay Kate a visit, give her a new foot (seeing as theirs had fallen off on the palace steps), a fancy new cyborg hand with the latest attachments, the biggest shock of her entire life, and instructions to meet him in Africa. Right. Easy-peasy. Break out of a high-security prison and meet a crazy doctor in Africa.

Kate risked another glance back at Farrah, still sitting on the cot with that dazed smile. A spaceship would make it easier to get to Africa…

Still, just looking at Farrah brought back that flash of guilt, and Kate had to turn away.

She hadn’t meant to use their gift on Farrah. They were still learning how to use it. It took three tries to convince a guard to move her to a more convenient cell, and shutting Farrah up had been completely on accident - she’d just wanted Farrah to stop talking for ten seconds, and the heat of their gift had surged from the base of her neck and spread to her fingertips and leaked into her voice, prompting Farrah to do…

To do exactly what Kate wanted her to do.

It hadn’t felt good. It made Kate feel awful and guilty and like the worst person on Earth - stars, how could Lunars stand having this gift, let alone love it the way they did?

I don’t want to have this gift. I don’t want to be Lunar.

I just… wanna be the old me again.

Kate pushed away their spiraling thoughts and stood up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Farrah looked up at them with wide eyes, sitting up eagerly.

“I’m sorry I manipulated you,” Kate said, the words coming out a little bit jumbled. They tried again, slower this time. “It was an abuse of power and it wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.”

Farrah frowned. “Are you the same person who was just here?”

“Yeah…?”

“Oh.” Farrah looked her up and down. “You seemed a whole lot prettier before.”

A little bit of Kate’s guilt faded away. “Listen, Cadet-”

“Captain,” Farrah corrected.

“Cadet,” Kate repeated forcefully. “You can come with me if we make it to your ship, and if you try not to talk so much.”

Farrah eagerly stood up, almost losing her balance for a moment. “Sick!”

Kate glanced back at the hole they’d created, having found the entrance to the air ducts. “So this ship of yours is the one you stole from the American Republic, right?”

“I prefer borrowed. They didn’t exactly have proof I wasn’t gonna give it back.”

Kate immediately began to regret this.

“And you’re sure the ship isn’t traceable?” they asked.

“Of course I’m sure.” Farrah tossed her hair over one shoulder. “I told you, I removed all the tracking equipment immediately.”

“Oh, that reminds me.” Kate held up her left hand and ejected the stiletto knife in the thumb. “We need to remove your ID chip. Hope you’re not squeamish.”

Farrah’s eyes widened, but she closed her eyes and held her wrist out. “Please try not to hit anything important, okay?”

Kate quickly removed the ID chip and tossed it aside, then cut a strip of cloth from Farrah’s sleeve for her to wrap around the wound. There was already a scar there, probably from where she’d cut out her ID chip the last time she’d been on the run.

Farrah pressed the cloth against the cut on her wrist and grinned at Kate. “Is it just me, or is this a big moment in our relationship?”

Kate glared at her. “Do not make me regret this.”

~

The air duct was cramped and hot and uncomfortable. Kate’s metal leg scraped against the bottom of it every time they crawled forward. Farrah, to her credit, stayed quiet, but Kate was so agitated that even just her breathing was annoying. Any sound ran the risk of getting them caught. Honestly, it was a surprise they hadn’t already been caught.

Kate checked the clock in her head. She’d left their cell thirty two minutes ago.

The prison blueprint glowed brightly on the retina display over the dark air duct, a tiny blue dot representing Kate and displaying where exactly they were - and with Farrah in tow.

Stars, Kate had to sneak both of them out safely. This was going to be hard enough on their own, how was she supposed to get both of them out?

You could glamour her.

Kate bit their lip. That was true… she could convince Farrah that she wanted to tell them exactly where her ship was, then make her decide that she didn’t want to come after all. Farrah wouldn’t have a choice but to listen.

“You good?” Farrah asked softly.

Kate shook her head just a tiny bit. No, they wouldn’t glamour her. Not again. She’d made it sixteen years just fine without a Lunar gift, and they’d be fine without it now.

“I’m fine, just… checking the blueprint,” she whispered back to Farrah. “Almost there.”

“Bluepri- ohhh, port screen-”

“In my head, yes.” Kate rounded the corner and saw a grate just a few feet ahead, casting a checkered square of light into the duct. “Okay, that’s it.”

Slowly, carefully, Kate crawled over the grate and then awkwardly turned around so both of them could look down. Below was a loading dock, where food and other supplies were brought in for the prisoners, and almost directly below the grate, a storm drain, exactly where Kate’s blueprint promised it would be. The drop was a full story, and there was concrete below, but besides that, this was almost going to be easy.

“The exit ramp should be that way,” Farrah whispered, pointing.

Kate shook their head. “No, we’ve got to get into that storm drain.”

“We’re going through the sewer?”

“What, did you think we’d just walk to your ship in broad daylight wearing bright white prison uniforms?” Kate rolled their eyes. “The sewer is our only way out.”

Farrah started to reply, but the sound of voices below made both of them duck away from the grate, out of sight.

“I didn’t see her dancing with the cyborg, my sister did. Her dress was soaking wet and wrinkled like a garbage bag.”

“But why would the empress dance with a cyborg? And then for them to go off and attack the Lunar queen like that… no way. Your sister was seeing things. I bet she was just some crazy who wandered in off the street, bitter over some cyborg injustice or whatever.”

The conversation cut off at the sound of a delivery ship. Kate bit their tongue at the voices shit-talking them and dared to peek over the grate again. The delivery ship passed by below, backing towards the loading bay and coming to a stop directly below where Kate and Farrah crouched in the duct. Kate took advantage of the noise and unscrewed the grate’s screws, then Farrah carefully lifted it up and to the side. Kate ignored the way their heart was thundering and carefully moved lower, looking down to get a better view, and saw, just a foot away, a rotating camera.

Kate jerked back up and crouched lower automatically, her retina display recommending deep breaths to calm down. The camera wasn’t facing their direction, thank God, but between the camera and the delivery workers unloading below, there was no way they’d make it to the storm drain undetected. And every second brought the risk of a guard discovering their empty cells - twice as many empty cells as Kate had planned to leave behind.

They made a decision and, without leaving time to question it, slowly and carefully reached their cyborg hand out, palm flat against the ceiling, and felt around for a moment before finding the camera’s lens. The plastic crushed easily in her bionic fist, the crunching noise terrifyingly loud.

“What the hell was that?” Farrah hissed.

“Camera.” Kate listened for a moment, but none of the workers below seemed to have noticed. “Time to go. We probably only have a few seconds before they realize they’re missing a camera.” Kate took a deep breath, pulled herself over the edge, and dropped down onto the roof of the delivery ship. Farrah followed.

Kate’s metal leg clanged loudly against the roof of the ship, and the whole thing shook on both impacts, immediately drawing the attention of all three workers. For a moment, the five of them just stared at each other, but then one of the workers reached for the port screen on his belt.

Kate focused for a moment, and the man’s hand never reached his port screen, hovering in the air just above it instead.

“Don’t,” they hissed, pushing away the guilt. The fire began to spread through her body again, but they ignored it, mind whirling.

Turn around.

They did.

Close your eyes.

They did.

Cover your ears.

They did.

Hum.

They did.

Farrah gaped at Kate. “What are they doing?”

“Obeying,” Kate muttered over the buzz of the humming. Hopefully that would keep them from hearing the storm drain open and realizing where the two escaping convicts had gone, and that was the only thought that kept Kate from releasing them, even as the guilt and the hatred of this stupid goddamn gift began to spread alongside the fire.

The fall into the storm drain was about as far as the fall onto the ship, but this time, Kate almost gagged at the sensation of the oily water against their bare foot. She envied Farrah’s shoes as she landed beside them, replacing the grate, and then they both turned to the round concrete tunnel beside them. It was only waist height and stunk like garbage and mildew, but Kate set their jaw and crawled into it.

~

“Ew, oh my God, that’s disgusting! Get it off me!”

Kate nearly slipped in their haste to turn around and look back at Farrah, who was jumping and squirming in the cramped tunnel, shrieking. Kate’s embedded flashlight flicked upward to the ceiling, and the cluster of cockroaches made her shudder, but they turned away and kept going.

“A cockroach won’t kill you,” they called.

“It’s in my fucking uniform-”

“Be quiet, there’s a manhole up ahead.”

“And we’re exiting through that manhole, right?”

Kate scoffed.

The idea of a cockroach in their shirt did make her shiver a bit, but Farrah’s squeamishness wasn’t as important as the map of the sewer system overlaid on top of their vision, guiding her to the warehouse where Farrah swore her ship was.

Plus, Kate was walking through ankle-deep sludge with one bare foot. That was easily worse than a thousand cockroaches.

“Wait, what's that noise?” Farrah asked.

“The combined main line,” Kate answered just as the worst stench Kate had ever had the displeasure of experiencing reached them.

“Aces and spades,” Farrah said, choking. “That had better not be what I think it is.”

“We’re not just gonna be walking through surface water runoff soon,” Kate said simply.

“You’re joking. For the love of fuck, tell me you’re joking.”

Despite the stench, Kate smirked.

That smirk didn’t last long as the stink got worse. They both took shallow breaths, but Farrah had her shirt over her nose by the time they reached the sewer connection. Kate’s flashlight washed across the edge of a concrete wall, then against the metal grate on the far edge. It was stable enough for maintenance workers, although unfortunately covered in rat droppings - although the rat droppings were easily preferable to the churning, brown, two-meter river of sludge between them and the grate. Kate hadn’t eaten since before leaving the apartment building before the ball, which was the only reason she didn’t vomit from the stench.

“Alright, ready?” She inched closer to the edge. “The faster we do this, the faster it’s over with.”

“Wait- no, no, what the hell are you doing?”

“What do you think?”

Farrah almost backed up against the wall, but thought better of it when she felt the slime there. “I’m not walking through that. Don’t you have some sort of gadget in that fancy hand of yours that could get us across?”

Kate rolled their eyes and glared. “Oh, wow, thanks for reminding me about my grappling hook.”

The water, thankfully, only went up to their thighs, but Kate still barely managed not to gag as they crossed, the current surprisingly strong against her legs. Something squished under her foot, and Kate almost screamed. Thankful for the weight of her metal leg keeping them from losing her balance, Kate made it to the other side and crawled up onto the grate, still taking shallow breaths even as they began to get light headed.

“Okay,” they shouted across to Farrah. “You either cross, or you can go back and serve the rest of your sentence, but you have to decide right now.”

Farrah gulped, staring at Kate’s legs. They risked a glance down and pushed away the wave of nausea at the way the stark white pants now clung, greenish-brown and sopping wet, to their legs.

“Are you coming?” Kate shouted.

Farrah scrunched her face up and muttered a series of creative curses, then lowered herself into the sewage and trudged across, still muttering curses the entire time. She finally made it to the grate and heaved herself up beside Kate, glaring daggers. “That was the worst thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“That’s what you get for complaining about the soap,” Kate said lightly. “Which way?”

Farrah pressed her lips together, thinking. “It was near the old Beihai Park, whichever way that was.”

“You mean we didn’t have to cross that river?”

Farrah’s eyes widened. “What?”

Kate smirked again. “Only messing with you. C’mon, this way.”

“How long have we been walking?” Farrah asked as they started down the tunnel. “Feels like hours.”

Kate checked her internal clock. “Twelve minutes.”

“Bullshit.”

Kate saved their breath and didn’t answer. To Farrah’s credit, it did sort of feel like they’d been walking for a few lifetimes, hearing the sounds of rats skittering past and water dripping from the ceiling. Kate’s flashlight glistened on the slimy walls, and they passed another manhole before finally making it to the one by Beihai Park.

“We’re about a block away from the park,” Kate said, putting a hand and a foot on the ladder. “Does West Yunxin sound familiar?”

Farrah squinted. “I think?”

Kate rolled their eyes and started to climb. She pushed the manhole cover up and to the side, almost gasping at the sudden gust of fresh air, before a hover glided overhead. Kate ducked down below the manhole, heart pounding at the lights atop the vehicle, but then it turned a corner and the red cross painted on the side revealed itself as a medical hover, not a police one, easing Kate’s fearful vision of androids with cold, emotionless voices and brain-interface-overriding tasers. The old warehouse district was near the plague quarantines, so it made sense that there were medical hovers.

Kate glanced to make sure the road was deserted before pulling themself up and into the sun, uniform glaringly bright against the pavement. Farrah followed and replaced the manhole cover, and Kate crossed her arms, pushing down the worry about being caught. “Okay, which way?”

Farrah squinted. Turned in a circle. Twisted her lips to the side thoughtfully.

Kate resisted the urge to scream.

“You have to recognize something, right?” they asked desperately.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s just been awhile,” Farrah said quickly. She turned to face down the street. “This way!” She walked five steps, then stopped and looked around again. “Or, um… maybe this way?”

“Do you have an address?” Kate demanded.

“A captain always knows where her ship is! It’s like a psychic bond,” Farrah protested.

Kate glared. “If only we had a captain, cadet.”

Farrah rolled her eyes and marched down the street with spectacular confidence, and Kate followed, jumping at every sound and hugging themself nervously. They walked for three blocks without seeing anyone, and Kate started trying to think of a backup plan as Farrah slowed and began scanning the nearby buildings.

“There!” Farrah said, pointing. “That one, I’m sure of it!” She walked up to the warehouse, which looked the same as every other warehouse within a mile, and tried the door. “Goddamnit, it’s locked.”

“D’you have a key?”

Farrah glared at Kate. “Yep, let me just pull it out of my prison issued pocket.”

She’s got your escape ship, Kate reminded themself, teeth grit. You can’t hit her.

They kneeled down besides the ID scanner, examining it. “D’you think it’s alarmed?”

“It had better be! I’ve been paying rent this whole time, and it wasn’t for my darling to be sitting in an unprotected warehouse.”

Kate was beginning to wonder if one punch would really be so bad when the door swung open.

“Thorne!” the strange man said loudly. “I just saw the news, thought you’d be showing up here soon!”

Farrah’s eyes lit up. “Hey, Alak, what’s up? I’m on the news? How do I look?”

Alak’s attention flitted over to Kate, and the smile slipped from his face. Kate kept her expression neutral (mostly, but a glare was part of their resting expression anyways) and took a second to check the newsfeeds. Sure enough: ESCAPED CONVICT. CONSIDERED ARMED AND DANGEROUS. IF SEEN, COMM THIS LINK IMMEDIATELY.

“Saw you on the news, too,” Alak said flatly.

Farrah coughed a little. “Hey, I need to pick up my ship. We’re kind of in a hurry.”

Alak shook his head. “Sorry, Thorne. The feds already watch me close enough. I can always claim ignorance to storing a stolen ship, but assisting a felon, and assisting… one of them-” Kate wondered if he was referring to their Lunar heritage or cyborg limbs- “If they track you here, I’m toast. I won’t tell anyone I saw you, but I can’t let you take your ship ‘till this all blows over. You understand, yeah?”

Farrah made an extremely offended face. “But she’s my ship! I pay you a lot of goddamn money, Alak, you can’t keep her from me!”

“Every man for himself, you know how it is.” Alak looked back at Kate with an expression of revulsion. “If you leave now, I won’t comm the police. And if they show up here, I’ll tell them I haven’t seen you since last year when you dropped off the ship. But if you stay a minute longer, I swear to fuck, I will comm them myself.”

Kate glanced down the street, and their heart leaped into her throat at the sight of an emergency hover without the red cross on the side. “Look, we need that ship. We don’t have anywhere else to go.”

Alak sneered and stepped back into the doorway. “I’m trying to help you out, ‘cause Thorne’s been a good customer for awhile, and I don’t rat out my customers, but it isn’t a favor to you. I wouldn’t blink twice about sending you off to rot. It’s the best you freaks deserve. Now fuck off, before I change my mind.”

Kate clenched her fists, barely containing a cry of pain as the burning returned, white hot as it spread from the base of her neck. They managed to stop the burst of electricity, white spots blinking in their vision, just in time to see Alak’s eyes roll back as he passed out.

Farrah caught him, groaning. “Aces, he weighs a ton!”

Kate fell back against the wall, suddenly dizzy. “He’s not- fuck, he’s not dead, is he?”

“No, I think he’s fine.” Farrah groaned again under the weight. “Ugh, help me, will you?”

Kate reached for Alak’s feet, and they tugged him into the building. The office to the left had two net screens with security footage on one side and a newsfeed on the other.

“He’s a selfish ass, but he’s got good taste in jewelry,” Farrah murmured, holding up his limp wrist with a golden watch.

Kate slapped her hand. “Can you focus?” They both turned and scanned the warehouse, packed with all sorts of ships - cargo ships, podships, personal flyers, raceships, ferries, cruisers-

“Hey, look, there was another jailbreak.”

Kate looked back at the netscreen, reading the words that scrolled across the bottom. LUNAR ESCAPES FROM NEW BEIJING PRISON. CONSIDERED EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. Wonderful.

“This is awesome!” Farrah said with a laugh. “If they’re tracking down a Lunar, they won’t think twice about us!”

Kate pressed her lips together and looked back at the array of ships.

“Wait… you’re Lunar?!”

“Yes, dumbass, I can’t believe you haven’t noticed.” Kate put their hands on their hips and raised an eyebrow, hiding the way she wanted to curl up under the desk and hide until the world forgot Kate Dalton had ever existed. “Which ship is yours?”

“Woah, woah, woah. Assisting a crazy Lunar is a bit out of my league-”

Kate laughed sharply, humorlessly, throwing their hands in the air. “If it wasn’t be me, you’d still be rotting in that fucking jail cell, so you owe me. And you’re already on the news as my accomplice, so it’s a bit too late to go back. You look stupid in that picture, by the way.”

Farrah looked at the screen that showed her own prison picture besides Kate. “I think I look pretty good.”

Kate took a deep, shaky breath. “Farrah, please.”

Farrah thought for a moment, then sighed heavily. “Fine, let’s go.”

Kate managed a sigh of relief and followed Farrah into the mess of ships. “I hope it isn’t one in the middle.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Farrah pointed up. “The roof opens.”

“Huh.” Kate looked where Farrah was pointing, at the seam across the ceiling. “Convenient.”

“Here she is!”

Kate’s retina display automatically began downloading the ship’s information as Farrah proudly pointed to it. It was larger than they’d anticipated - way larger. A 214 Rampion, Class 11.3 cargo ship. Two satellite podships, six crew quarters, a galley and a washroom… definitely enough room to avoid each other.

“You know, there was a time when she housed a crew of twelve men,” Farrah said, patting the side of the ship.

Kate walked around to the main entry hatch, noticing that the seal of the American Republic had been hastily painted over with the silhouette of a lounging woman. “What the hell?”

“Painted it myself,” Farrah said.

Kate sighed.

“Over here!” an unfamiliar voice shouted from across the warehouse. Kate glanced back and saw a man in the uniform of the Eastern Commonwealth’s military crouched over Alak’s unconscious body.

“Shit, fuck, shit,” they muttered and shoved Farrah’s shoulder. “C’mon, time to get out of here, let’s go.”

Farrah turned to the hatch and cleared her throat. “Alright, Rampion. Code word: Captain is queen. Open hatch.”

Nothing happened. The hatch stayed stubbornly closed. Kate started to panic.

“Captain is queen,” Farrah said again. “Captain is queen! Rampion, it’s me! Captain Thorne! What the hell-”

“Shh,” Kate said quickly, pressing up against the hull of the ship. Just on the other side, soldiers with searchlights had begun making their way through the warehouse, combing it for them.

“Maybe the power cell is dead,” Kate thought aloud.

“But it’s just been sitting here-” Farrah cursed. “I left the headlights on, didn’t I?”

Kate ignored their rising panic. “Maybe it’s the auto-control system? I’ve never worked on anything bigger than a podship, but I doubt it’s that different.” They put a hand on Farrah’s shoulder. “Stay here and keep trying to get in, okay?”

“Where are you-”

Kate snuck around the side of the ship, moving as quickly as possible, the blueprint she’d downloaded a few minutes earlier glowing over their vision. She found the access hatch easily and got it open even easier, and crawled into the undercarriage of the ship, barely avoiding the wires that criss-crossed in her way. The second interior door was more of a challenge, but with their flashlight and screwdriver, Kate was in the engine room within a minute.

The engine was bigger than she was, looming against the opposite wall. Kate brushed past it and found the computer motherboard, pulling the universal connector cable from their hand as they went, and snapped it into place. The flashlight dimmed, and Kate turned it off as her power was diverted, reading the pale green text that took over her retina display.

DIAGNOSING COMPUTER SYSTEM. MODEL 135v8.2

5% … 12% … 16% …

~

Farrah pressed herself behind the landing gear, heart pounding in her ears. “Captain is queen, captain is queen,” she hissed, even though she was pretty sure it was useless.

A subtle hum started up over her head, and she looked up at the running lights flickering on near the ship’s nose with a spark of hope. Gears started to rumble, and Farrah rolled out of the way just in time to avoid being squashed beneath the ramp.

“There!” shouted one of the soldiers.

Farrah swung herself up onto the ramp. “Rampion, close hatch!”

Nothing happened.

A bullet pinged off the overhead light. Farrah swore and ducked behind a plastic crate. “Rampion, I said close hatch!”

“I’m working on it!” said a voice overhead.

Farrah froze and nervously glanced up. “Rampion…?”

No response.

Just before the soldiers could follow Farrah onto the ship, the ramp creaked and began to rise, blocking more and more bullets as it went. Once it was safe, she rushed to the cockpit, keeping her balance with a hand against the wall as she slid into the pilot seat. The windows were filthy, but she didn’t have time to worry about that right now.

“Rampion, ready for liftoff!” she ordered.

The dash lit up - only the most important controls and screens.

That same cold feminine voice rang over the speakers. “Farrah, I can’t set the automatic lift, so you’ll have to take off manually.”

“Why is my ship talking back to me?!” Farrah yelled, panicked.

“It’s me, dumbass!”

Farrah furrowed her eyebrows. “Kate?”

“The auto-control system has a bug, and the power cell is weird, too. I think it’ll make it, but you have to take off without computer assistance.”

Farrah gulped. “Without- are you sure?”

“You know how to fly, right?”

“Y-yeah, of course!” Farrah scanned the controls.

“We’re fucked.”

Farrah reached for the controller on the ceiling and blinked as the warehouse doors opened, smacking her in the face with a bright beam of sunlight. She jabbed at the ignition and engaged hover mode, smoothly easing the ship off the ground with the help of the magnets beneath the city. Farrah’s breathing began to steady.

Then the ship began to tilt to the left.

“Woah- hey, stop that!” Farrah shouted, leveling the ship.

“The power cell is going to die. You’ve got to engage the backup thrusters.”

“The wha- wait, no, I found them.”

The sudden jolt of power made the ship lurch to the right, and Farrah winced as she slammed into the ship beside her. A wave of bullets slammed into the starboard side. Farrah shivered.

“What’s going on? What the hell are you doing?”

“Stop distracting me!” she shouted through gritted teeth. She tried to right the ship, but overcompensated and they tilted too far to the right.

“We’re gonna fucking die.”

“This isn’t as easy as it looks! Normally I have an automated stabilizer to take care of this for me!”

Oddly enough, she received no sarcastic reply.

Another panel lit up to her right. MAGNETIC CONDUCTORS STABILIZING. POWER OUTPUT: 37/63 … 38/62 … 42/58 …

The ship settled and once again began to hover evenly.

Farrah grinned. “Exactly like that!”

The engine roared as the ship soared upwards, a last wave of bullets sending them away as they broke free from the warehouse.

“C’mon, darling,” Farrah said softly, as the ship easily broke through the magnetic field of the city and speared through the clouds of the morning sky. The skyscrapers of New Beijing were only visible for a moment before they dropped away, and then it was just Farrah and the ship and the open starry sky ahead of them.

Farrah’s knuckles were white around the controls until the ship made it to neutral orbit, then she slumped back into the chair, shaking. She forgot to speak for several minutes, her heart too loud to hear anything else, before she said “hey, if you want a permanent position on the crew, you’re hired.”

No response.

“And I don’t mean, like, the lowest rank,” she continued. “First mate? I mean, everything’s available. Mechanic… cook… a pilot would be nice.” She waited. “Kate?”

Nothing.

Farrah sighed and pulled herself to her feet, leaning against the wall as she walked along the hallway that was as familiar to her as her cell in the prison had eventually become, down to the engine room. The screen by the door didn’t say anything about space vacuums, or about a living cyborg inside.

Farrah unlocked the door and shoved it open. The engine room was loud, hot, and stank of melted rubber. It was too dark to see, but Farrah squinted anyway, a bit terrified of what she’d see.

“Cyborg? Are you in there?”

Nothing.

Farrah squeezed her eyes shut. “Lights, on.”

A red emergency light was the only one that turned on, casting a sinister light over the revolving engine and masses of cords. 

Farrah spotted something white.

“Kate?” she called again, getting closer. Kate didn’t move. As Farrah got closer, she saw them on their back, dark hair fanned over the steel floor, eyes closed and bionic hand plugged into a computer panel.

“Hey,” Farrah said nervously. She put a hand on Kate’s shoulder and gently shook, but got no response. Farrah pressed an ear against her chest, but the engine was too loud to hear a heartbeat.

Farrah reached and unplugged Kate’s hand from the computer panel, and a robotic voice came overhead, the same one Kate had used to talk to Farrah during takeoff. “Auto-control system disconnected,” it said. “Engaging default system procedures.”

“Cool, you do that,” Farrah said, dragging Kate into the hallway. God, whatever the hell those cyborg limbs were made out of, it was way heavier than a normal human limb.

Farrah propped Kate up against the wall and frowned. At least in this brightness, it was obvious that they were breathing. “Do you have, like, a power button or whatever?”

Her gaze fell to the hand, a cord still dangling from her pinky.

“Aha!” Farrah leaped to her feet and opened the podship dock, then tugged Kate in between the two small podships. She grabbed for the podship’s charging cord from the wall, then paused, looking back and forth between the charging cord and Kate’s cord. Dammit, two males. They’d never connect.

Farrah glanced down and saw the small latch on the back of Kate’s head.

“Aces and spades,” she groaned. “Tell me it’s not…”

But all signs pointed to yes.

Farrah kneeled next to Kate and looked away as she opened the panel, then snuck a glance and breathed a sigh of relief when she realized Kate’s control panel hid any brain tissue from view. The compartment was shallow enough that the ship’s lights were enough to see by, and she quickly spotted a small outlet, the same size as the plugs.

“Gotcha,” she whispered, hoping she wasn’t about to majorly fuck up as she plugged it in and leaned Kate back against the wall.

For a moment, nothing happened, but about a minute later, something hummed inside their skull. It got louder and louder, but then stopped, and Farrah gulped, tucking her knees up to her chest.

Kate’s eyes flew open, and she gasped, looking up at Farrah.

“Kate…?” Farrah said nervously. “Are you dead?”

Kate took a moment to speak, and when they did, the words were slurred. “Auto-control defaults… almost drained my power system…”

“Uh, I think it did.”

Kate stared at her for a moment with a confused expression, but then reached up for the cord still plugged into the back of their head and yanked it out, slamming the panel shut. “You opened my control panel?” they demanded harshly.

“I didn’t want to! And I saved your life!” Farrah pointed out.

Kate paused and thought for a moment.

“Well… I guess that was quick thinking,” Kate finally assented.

Farrah grinned. “Are we having another moment?”

Kate slumped back on the floor. “I guess. If you consider another moment to be me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met - although maybe I’m just too exhausted.”

“I’ll take it!” Farrah stretched out on the floor beside Kate, enjoying the coolness of the steel, the humming engine next door, the smell of sewage still wafting from their clothes, and the sensation of freedom.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

I know we are all discussing the latest episode of Season 16, but I need to wrap up 11 for my own sanity (because there is a LOT to discuss in my Season 12 rewatch already), so without further ado - more rambling for you.

I’m not going to include 11x20: Don’t Call Me Shurley because I think I’d like to do an entire Chuck - arc - series.  Rob Benedict is a gift; that dad mug kills; and I love that the fan theories about Chuck spinning around this fandom for years turned out to be correct after all (WEIRD HOW THAT HAPPENS WITH CHARACTERS EH).  Moving on.

As you will recall, two recaps and many many many crackhead other posts from my corner of super hell ago, I ended the 11x18 recap with this image of Amara realizing...”something” after Dean said Cas’s name (just before she took Casifer with her), Dean/Amara unbreakable connection be damned. Speaking of unbreakable connection this post is partially the AMARA DISSERTATION.  Buckle up.

FF to 11x21: All in the Family; the boys are shooting the shit with Chuck and in the meantime, Amara is torturing Casifer.  Important to note that just recently the actual Cas was enlightened that Dean wants him to cast Lucifer out, so I presume he is a little more active at this point, and that strengthens the following hypothesis.  Look how Amara is looking at Casifer here:

And here, right before she touches him on the chest.

It’s the same look she gave Dean. She’s trying to decipher something; trying to figure something out. 

She appears to Dean in the VERY next scene, to show him how she is torturing Casifer.  But the real point is, of course, to show him how its affecting the physical form of Cas, reminding him its not just Lucifer who is suffering.  It works.  

DEAN 

Amara is – she's in my head. [Sam looks at him sharply] Hey, I didn't ask for it, okay? She just showed up. But she's showing me visions of – of Lucifer. By Lucifer, I mean Cas, and he looks like crap – like she's really doing a number on him.

***Note, yet again, despite the *connection* Amara/Dean supposedly share, all he can think about and talk about is Cas.

And Amara knows it.  That’s the realization she has in 11x18.  Dean loves Cas.  Then, in 11x21 she realizes Cas loves Dean.  So, she uses it to her own ends.  Smart girl.  

Enter Donatello (I love him), prophet of (not) the Lord.  He, Metatron, and Sam set out to rescue Casifer while Dean distracts Amara.  If we start with the presumption she now has the prior additional insight, the following snippets of dialogue hit a little different.

AMARA

This place, this world hasn't been especially easy for you. Why not at least consider my offer?

*********

DEAN

You're right. I am drawn to you. And it bothers the hell out of me, 'cause I can't control it.

AMARA

Then why fight it? What you're feeling is that I am the end of your struggle. 

***AHEM, this was not the FACE CUPPING I requested.

What keeps Dean from having it all?  What is his struggle?  It’s not the monsters or the hunting.  Dean’s repeatedly shown he loves this life; he doesn't want anything else (and the one time he did try it in Season 6, it was half-ass at best, and he left the minute Sam returned to go back to hunting).  Dean’s KEY struggle in the show is internal.  He represses his feelings, pushes his pain aside, resulting in a cycle of self-loathing and anger.  That cycle keeps him from having it all - accepting he can be loved, allowing himself to give his heart to someone else.  And at this point, Amara not only knows that someone else is Cas, she knows that Cas feels the same way.  Girl, welcome to super hell.  Take a damn seat by Sam.

11x22: We Happy Few

I’ll skim through this one so this post doesn’t completely make your eyes bleed due to the sheer length.  

The splicing with the scenes of everyone assembling different factions to form the new “line-up” needed to trap Amara is excellent. I’ve already done a short post on the brilliance of Dean heading to get Crowley and the ex-boyfriend mood of it all (Dean, of all people, telling Crowley to sober up gives me an ENTIRE head canon of the Crowley/demon!Dean unseen dynamic in Season 10).   And of COURSE Dean knows exactly what to say to convince Crowley to get on board. I also enjoy our future Sam-witch as the emissary to Rowena (”three’s a coven” would be a great tattoo, TBH).

BONUS:

I love her.

Big fight scene with Amara ensues, but this isn’t the finale so she cannot be beaten.  However, right before she mortally wounds Chuck, she does this:

[Yelling, LUCIFER charges her from behind again, but AMARA flings him hard against a support pillar across the room.]

AMARA

Goodbye, nephew.

[She banishes LUCIFER. CASTIEL slumps unconscious to the floor.]

DEAN: Cas! 

(He rushes AMARA, but she flings him away without effort.)

***She banishes Lucifer.  She could have just killed him.  Ended him entirely, and Cas along with him.  But she BANISHES LUCIFER.  Because of what she learned in the prior episode.  Because of the pain she saw in both of those idiots.

She does this for Dean.

Anyway, thank you Casifer FOR YOUR SERVICE.  I miss you already.

11x23: Alpha and Omega

There is nothing more precious than Dean sending his brother to check on GOD while he goes to check on his boyfriend:

DEAN: [Grunting]

Check on him.

SAM: [kneels next to Chuck]

Hey. Chuck?

[Dean kneels down next to Cas and puts a hand on his shoulder. Cas stirs and looks up at Dean]

CAS:

Dean.

DEAN:

Cas? Hey, is that you?

***All the heart eyes for the reunion!!

*********ALSO SHOULDERRRRRRRR

Chuck is dying, Rowena bonds with him.  Crowley is gold in this finale.  I MISS YOU MARK.  This line is NOT in the transcript/script I used, and it potentially being ad libbed makes it even better.

Dean decides to deal with the end of the world by drinking ONE beer, then deciding there is “not enough” beer and grabbing Cas for a beer (and....*feelings*) run.

DEAN:

You know what? This isn't gonna be enough. I better make a run.

[Sighs]

No reason to die sober, huh?

[to Sam]

You want to?

SAM: [frustrated] 

No!

*********************

DEAN:

Be right back.

SAM:

I'll stay here, find our Plan B.

DEAN:

Okay. Cas, come on.

Nothing makes me more pleased than the assumption that of COURSE Cas is coming with him.  I mean, he just got him back.  Also, Sam is frustrated because he is back in super hell, obvi ;)   

***Now we have the little “you’re our brother” bit in the Impala beer run dialogue, but to me it’s because Dean doesn’t know how else to express what he’s feeling.  Repression, people.  

The look of literal PAIN on Cas’s face at the “brother” line makes me cackle.  Misha Collins DESERVES AN EMMY; he is doing the Lord’s work with his Acting Choices here.

This little part before is what really gets me though, especially with all of the WORDS OF AFFIRMATION:

[Dean and Cas are driving in the Impala]

DEAN:

How you doing? You good?

I mean, you know, the whole Lucifer thing.

CAS:

I was just... so stupid.

DEAN:

No, no, no. It wasn't stupid.

You were right. You were right to let Lucifer ride shotgun.

Me and Sam wouldn't have done that.

CAS:

Well, it didn't work.

DEAN:

No, but it was our best shot, and you stepped up.

CAS:

I was just trying to help.

DEAN:

Well, and you do help, Cas.

***ITS JUST SO LOVELY.  Dean asking Cas how he is doing (what Cas always asks Dean); telling Cas he wasn’t stupid (throwback to Cas telling Dean he was stupid “for the right reasons”); acknowledging that Cas does HELP.  That he is important and appreciated.  THIS IS SUCH GROWTH.  I LOVE IT SO MUCH. Speak his love language, King.

Anyway, then Dean turns into a human bomb because martyr!dean gonna martyr and be “daddy’s (Chuck filling that role here) blunt little weapon” and we get -

THE DESTIEL GOODBYE. Tell me they didn’t actually go canon for the FIRST time here.  I will fight you.

LOOK at Cas watching him in the background. 

These fucking desolate eyes. I’m crying.

THEY JUST GOT EACH OTHER BACK -  

(I recognize this .gif is meh quality but I love that he turns and walks to him and Cas just GRABS him in this crushing hug)

DEAN [accepts the hug good-naturedly but then looks sad]

Okay, okay.

***”good naturedly??? ok Jensen “Acting Choices” Ackles. That is not “good nature” that is BLISS.

AND THEN THIS -

SOBS IN ENOCHIAN.

***I literally had to remind myself that the reunion hug is coming; it’s just an episode away.  I’ll make y’all feel better too; here it is - A PERFECT PARALLEL. Curse this show.

MORE OF THIS “GOOD NATURED” HUGGING PLEASE.

Anyways, back to depressing subtext.  

DEAN:

Okay, look. I want a big funeral.

All right? I'm talking epic.

Okay? Open bar, choir, Sabbath cover band, and Gary Busey reading the eulogy.

*****This scene lives in my mind rent-free as PROOF 15x20 doesn’t exist.

I can’t skip over further growth in Dean’s goodbye to Sammy.

***He’s being serious. Seasons 1-3 Dean would never have admitted this.  I was a blubbering mess at this point.

So, Dean heads to Amara, and the rest of the gang heads to the bar.

CROWLEY:

Your round, Moose.

***I would love an entire bottle episode of Crowley, Sam, Rowena, and Chuck at that bar TBH.

And then, Dean saves the day.  BUT NOT by dying and sacrificing himself, letting himself be used as a weapon of mass destruction.  No, he fixes the DAMN WORLD by connecting to Amara emotionally, and bringing her and Chuck back together, because he understands that not to be alone is what she really needs; that her own struggle is the same as his - letting in love instead of raging against it and fighting her own need for companionship.   Because that’s where ELDEST SIBLING AMARA AND Dean Winchester CONNECT.  Amara isn’t in love with Dean.  She identifies with Dean.  She sees her own feelings in him, her own pain, and that’s why she exorcises Lucifer and saves Cas - FOR Dean.  Amara’s just a Dean girl, everyone.   And we know Dean girls protect Cas at all costs.

Yup.  Amara Dean Girl Darkness Heller.  

That’s it.  That’s the dissertation.

See you in Season 12, where I will attempt to figure out the reason behind the British Men of Letters, killing Hitler, the brain melt that is Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox, the comedy of errors that is Cas playing Dean hot and cold, and the Mary Winchester of it all. 

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD IS A BAND-AID FIX

gearbox locked zane’s lazy fix behind a paywall

tl;dr: for the love of god, the seein’ dead class mod should be what the seein’ red capstone is and vice versa. also. MORE SYNERGY. also i redesigned all of Zane’s trees and augments for more synergy you’re welcome.

is 1am and i don’t want tomorrow and im angry and thinking about borderlands so this seems like the perfect time to immerse myself in remaking Zane’s skill trees (for the 5th time). mainly because some of zane’s skills are still irking me and i’ve written extensive essays for the bl3 subreddit about the seein’ dead class mod and just playing around with zane’s skills in general, but i don’t think i’ve ever posted here before about it. so here we are. i notice i usually save lore/theories/characterizations for this blog and meta/balancing/gear talk for reddit. not sure why that’s a split for me. 

now i’ve remade zane’s skills a number of times, but honestly this was all before the seein’ dead mod was released. then, instead of fixing his skill trees, i wrote a lot of essays about why that mod was a terrible bad decision on gearbox’s part (you can read one of the shorter arguments in a comment from 5 months ago here). I’m just gonna remake the skill trees now with all his current abilities in mind.this post really should be titled: ALL THE PROBLEMS WITH THEIR BALANCING DECISIONS

so imma just talk for a bit about why i love/hate the seein’ dead class mod. 

Obviously it’s a god tier mod, and you see almost no zane builds without it, and no top tier, can solo m10 true takedown builds without it (unless ur like, the 1% of masochistic players, in which case i salute you). and while that obviously means its a good mod, it also shows the problems with all his other class mods and his skill trees in general.

They all kinda suck. and that wouldn’t be a problem, bc, hey, the seein’ dead mod is ez to get, just pop on over to the casino and kill a few baddies and they’ll  drop like candy. Which is really awesome!

slight problem.

the dlc is locked behind a PAYWALL

now this is a problem because if zane was a top tier character BEFORE the dlc, and everything was hunky dory and people weren’t on their knees begging for gearbox to fix Zane, then him getting a new badass class mod wouldn’t be such a big deal. but the problem was this was gearbox’s solution to giving Zane a buff.

they literally locked a buff for a character behind a pay wall.

I recommend Zane is every single person I try to convince to play bl3, but i always have to add this like, commercial-esque asterisk. you know, terms and conditions or, side effects or whatever. *you probably want to get the seein’ dead mod if you’re looking at end-game play because unless you wanna struggle that’s his only viable play style.

what if they don’t want to buy the dlc?! for real...

There’s also the point that this class mod makes his (arguably) BEST capstone obsolete. so we have distributed denial which literally no one uses because its broken, double barrel which is always traded for seein’ red or more points in other skills, and seein’ red, WHICH WAS MADE USELESS BY THIS CLASS MOD

gsfdhjikdhgdaskjfhgaskdfjh

okay and it wouldn’t even be so bad

IF THEY DIDN’T CHANGE HIS ENTIRE SKILL SET BEFORE RELEASE

like they lowered ALL his kill skills, then they turned Seein’ Red into his capstone instead of Death Follows Close, meaning they nerfed Death Follows Close so it could fit as just a game changer. my poor boy was g u t t e d.

so, imagine this, everyone is reaching the end-game content of bl3. it’s a month or 2 weeks or whatever after the game dropped and people are finally hitting level 50. and moze/fl4k/amara are all killin’ it, and the zane players have to work their ASSES off to do like... 50% of that damage output (now, they did also eventually nerf the crap outta moze and fl4k but the point stands). 

so instead of gearbox going: “oh... shit that pre-release nerf was an awful idea, revert the changes guys” they decided to keep him gutted and then they released what was, in my opinion, a kick in the nuts with the maliwan takedown (aka the antifreeze mod, alongside the spiritual driver) ahahahahahaha. what good times it was. (I say this sarcastically.) 

man i remember people were soooo livid with that class mod release. well, both of them. zane mains were pissed off (for good reason). “yes, let’s make the people who are begging for a straight damage increase jump through MORE hoops (LITERALLY) for a pitiful amount of damage. oh, also, let’s give their 28 skill point build to the strongest character in the game for free and also make it 10x better”. because it was 10x better than violent momentum (driver didn’t have a damage cap) until they fixed both the spiritual driver and the violent momentum skill. it was the worst of times.

i will note here they did, around this time, let zane have stackable kill skills, but it was only 2 stacks and also it was still *incredibly* difficult to achieve stacks because zane just. struggled to kill anything. I still remember when i grinded the shit outta an antifreeze class mod and it took me over 20 minutes to kill Wotan my first time solo on m4. Not the fight UP to wotan. literally. just killing wotan.

then the seein’ dead mod dropped and i had. a fuckin. 15 minute decrease to my time on killing wotan (5 minutes!!!!). now i am not perfect, and i 100% believe i could’ve lowered the time even more. but that... that shows a VERY CLEAR problem.

they never actually fixed zane, they gave him a class mod that’s stupid OP just to make sure he could hang on next to the other Vault Hunters. it’s just a bandaid fix. you remove the class mod, and he’s back to pre-jackpot power levels (which will NOT hold up at m10, let me tell you). 

all his pre-jackpot problems are still here, and that’s why people are not using any other class mod of his. I bet we could have some really fun builds with the conductor mod! but nobody will ever use it because it’s just... not even close to the seein’ dead mod.

So what does the seein’ dead mod do that makes Zane so good?

IT BRINGS HIM BACK TO PRE-RELEASE VALUES

this mod, plus Death Follows Close, brings Zane back to pre-release zane. and i don’t understand how gearbox isn’t putting two and two together and going “Oh.”

it also is a BETTER VERSION of Seein’ Red!!! something players could have had at, like, level 15, but instead had to wait until they hit a capstone! the capstone is completely obsolete at this point. There is nothing seein’ red can give you that seein’ dead doesn’t do but better. Getting that capstone is a w a s t e of skill points.

AND they locked this fix behind a pay wall!!! i cannot say that enough. you don’t wanna get the handsome jackpot dlc?? guess u don’t wanna play zane at endgame then. too bad, so sad.

have i stated that enough? because it still blows my fuckin mind. THEY LOCKED A CHARACTER FIX BEHIND A PAYWALL

djhdgakjhakjdah. imagine playing without any prior knowledge and being like, aw man i love this zane character. can’t wait to get to max mayhem end game like all my favorite youtubers and friends!! then finding out you gotta drop 15 bucks or whatever it is just to actually be able to play at max mayhem level. that is not a skill difference, that is A BALANCING PROBLEM MY DUDES. like. my favorite zer0 build was still viable without the story DLCs. obviously grog > rubi, pimp > lyuda, rapier > law but, it was still fuckin viable.

guh. gufhgufhsdgkfjsdh. it bothers me.

ok so there’s a lot i just went over: my main issue? is that by making Seein’ Red a capstone, they did nothing to make it an actual legit capstone. They definitely nerfed Death Followed Close to make it a gamechanger, but they never gave Seein’ Red a buff to move it from a gamechanger to a capstone. It was the same exact skill. Seein’ Dead is what Seein’ Red SHOULD be and that’s what angers the crap outta me. they locked this obvious fix behind a pay wall (AND a gear slot!!!!!) n ur probably thinking ‘but cruddy this WAS really nice of them to try and fix zane... they could’ve just let him be suuc’ and like, yeah, they could’ve, and it is good they’re TRYING, but also, they’re leaving the people who DON’T buy the DLC high and dry.

keep in mind i DO own the dlc. have the season pass and everything. IM STILL MAD!!!

Zane should be strong no matter what class mod the players want to use. Same with Amara, same with Moze, same with Fl4k. FFS, it is not that hard. CHANGE THEIR SKILLS!!!!!

so im gonna be taking the time to go over all of zane’s skills and shit just to put him more on par with the others (WITHOUT THE SEEIN’ DEAD MOD)

imagine the seein’ dead mod doesn’t exist for this. we’re gonna make a balanced character since apparently THAT’S TOO HARD FOR A TRIPLE-A BALANCING TEAM

first things first, the tree with the most fuckin problems: 

Under Cover

oh god this tree is a fucking train wreck what the hell were they thinking. good god. my eyes. they’re burning.

not actually, but it still kinda sucks.

Action Skill: Barrier is fine. I would not add the ‘picking it up decreases benefits’ when Zane’s whole schtick is running around fast. You get the full bonus no matter what form it’s in. also, you can hold down the action skill activation button to deploy the barrier directly on yourself.

Tier 1: Hearty Stock is a trap. never get this. so dumb. no synergy with his other skills. Adrenaline is okay, but not really great during end game. Ready For Action is similarly okay. Just a very MEH start to this tree. 

Adrenaline: Zane gains increased Action Skill Cooldown Rate. 10% per level, up to 50%. this shouldn’t be tied to his shields being full because if your barrier is down (cooling DOWN)... your shield is taking damage. c’mon now. THINK GEARBOX T H I N K

Hearty Stock: (maxed) Zane and his clone gain 5% magazine regeneration while an action skill is active. This skill stacks. In it’s original state, this skill is such a trap skill. for real.

Ready For Action: i mean, it’s fine. We’ll keep it. +30% shield recharge rate and -29% (why????) recharge delay

Tier 2: ech. Stiff Upper Lip is not that good. Brain freeze is what u really want. Rise to the Occasion is also okay.

Brain Freeze: keep the same.

Stiff Upper Lip: when Zane is damaged with a hit that would break his shield, he gains (max) +20% bonus gun damage on his next shot through the barrier.

Rise to the Occasion: Zane and his clone gain health regeneration. +5% max health/s. Not determined by shield availability.

Tier 3: `screams in confident competence` oh lawd. this skill is good. the accuracy thing is kinda laughable. i tell you, i always thought that zane was originally meant to be the sniper with the Under Cover tree but they decided to swap Zane and Fl4k’s skills. which is why Zane has soooo many accuracy buffs.

Confident Competence: fine the way it is. I would also add, since this IS a game changer, that the Barrier’s damage amp is now 40%.

Tier 4: ew. tier 4. Really Expensive Jacket is literally the only skill you might want to get and EVEN THEN. ugh. Best Served Cold is so pointless. and so is Futility Belt. YOU TAKE MORE DAMAGE WITH IT

Really Expensive Jacket: Elemental Status Effects have reduced duration (-50%). Additionally, Zane is not slowed by Cryo anymore.

Best Served Cold: Remove the cooldown. Buff up the damage at least 200%. Make it an AOE Brain Freeze. That is, the cryo novas stack and if overkill damage is high enough, enemies hit with the novas freeze. Kinda like a discount Frozen Heart.

Futility Belt: HA. Ahahahahaha. Ha. Zane gains resistance to non-elemental and cryo damage (+15%). Futhermore, after killing an enemy, Zane’s barrier gains additional cryo damage (+20%) for 8s.

Tier 5: is oki. My only real complaint is with Nerves of Steel. Like. Seriously.

Refreshment: god tier skill actually. Keep the same.

Best Served Cold: also keep the same. The only change I will make is this: resetting your action skills’ cooldowns counts as action skill start and end.

Nerves of Steel: The longer Zane’s barrier is active, the more stacks of Nerves of Steel he gains (a maximum of 15). For each stack, Zane gains 2% shock damage, 2% cryo efficiency, and 1% damage to frozen enemies. (why shock damage? cryo doesn’t do well against shields.)

Tier 6: *cries in the worst capstone in the entire series* WHO DID THIS. WHY. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU???

Distributed Denial: no. just. no. scrap this whole damn thing. IT DOESN’T EVEN WORK!!!! either fix it COMPLETELY or do something else. My recommendation? Whenever Zane throws down his barrier, his shield instantly begins recharging. If Zane’s shield is already full or recharging, enemies with no shields (or freeze immunity) that touch Zane’s Barrier for the next 10s are instantly frozen.

Augments: why the hell do i gotta place my barrier down when my entire fuckin’ character is about RUNNING. ALSO JUST AS A BLANKET STATEMENT: ALL THESE AUGMENTS WORK 100% EVEN IF HIS BARRIER IS PICKED UP. SO DUMB. a fully pointless restriction.

that last sentence immediately fixes Charged Relay and Nanites or Some Shite.

Redistribution: If his shields are full, Zane can sacrifice 50% of his shields to have his next shot deal 100% bonus cryo damage by holding F.

All-Rounder: Fine as is. Only thing I would add: whenever Zane melees an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and his sliding augment is added to the melee attack.

Deterrence Field: Fine as is. But! I would add: whenever Zane sprints into an enemy, his shields are drained by 50% and slam augment is activated.

THAT WAY we can have both slam/sliding relics actually DO SOMETHING. because my god they’re so useless rn.

alright, moving on.

Hitman

Tier 1: is okay. nobody ever takes cold bore. ever.

Violent Speed: fine as is, but we’re taking it back to pre-release values. Max: 30%. can stack 2x.

Cold Bore: Zane gains (max) 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots fired while moving.

Violent Momentum: fine as is, but taking it back to pre-release values. 30% gun damage at default walk speed. Additionally, Zane can now shoot while sprinting.

Tier 2: my boy zoomer needs more fun.

Cool Hand: fine as it is. I would buff his base reload speed up to 20% and kill skill reload to 20% as well. 17 and 13 are such weird numbers.

Drone Delivery: fine as it is. Additionally, Zoomer’s base shots now take on the element of Zane’s grenade mod.

Salvation: fine as it is. I won’t mess with this bc life steal is messy business (coughs in grog)

Tier 3: hhhynf.fdsg. 

Death Follows Close: Kill Skill Bonus: +30%. Kill Skill Time: +7s. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer take 5% more damage from Zane.

Tier 4: these two skills are actually p dope by themselves. it can stay as it is. I would MAYBE increase the violent violence max buff up to 20% but that’s just me.

Tier 5: ahahahaha. this skill. just remember, we’re pretending Seein’ Dead doesn’t exist, so imagine how this skill looks next to calm cool n collected. so pointless.

Good Misfortune: Killing an enemy with a critical hit adds (max) 10% efficiency to Zane’s kill skills for 8s. This does not stack.

Tier 6: WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU RELEVANT AGAIN BOO HANG IN THERE

Seein’ Red: Zane has a (4%) chance to activate his kill skills upon dealing gun damage to an enemy. Additionally, enemies targeted by Zoomer now take 15% more damage from Zane.

so why didn’t we make good misfortune the infinite action skill build?? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT CCnC IS SUPPOSED TO DO!!! why have 2 skills that do the exact same thing AT THE EXACT SAME TIER except ONE IS OBJECTIVELY WORSE!!!!!

what happens to the Seein’ Dead class mod if we’re giving its perk to this capstone? I’m so glad you asked. “Zane activates his kill skills when activating his action skills. Additionally, the kill skills activated this way have 15% more efficiency”. look how much better balanced that is!!!! that’s a class mod!!!!!!!!

Augments: these aren’t THAT bad, but they could be a lot better.

Winter’s Drone: Zoomer gains 20% bonus cryo damage to all shots.

Bad Dose: pump these numbers up. Fire Rate: +7% per affected enemy. Movement Speed: +10% per enemy. everything else is fine.

Boomsday: just make this more beefy. fr. It’d be a good choice if it were stronger.

Static Field: also fine. I would again give it better damage output, but that’s just me.

Almighty Ordnance: remove the build up honestly. Like i get the vibe and it’s really cool, but in combat it just DOESN’T WORK. maybe if Zoomer is targeting an enemy, he will unleash the missiles if they are above 50% health after 30s or something. I honestly think these should have a debuffing factor instead of a damage factor (you know, to not get in the way of boomsday). maybe something around 15%? the 1x per action skill activation thing would be easily subverted with CCnC with the changes we suggested, so it could work. 

Doubled Agent

ahhh, Blane. Blue Zane. Love ya, buddy. One change: he prioritizes pinged targets. That way you can kinda get him to fight specific people. Also, lower the teleportation timer. pls.

Tier 1: actually p good. could be better, but its not bad.

Synchronicity: Zane gains 20% bonus damage per active action skill. While Zane has an action skill active, he gains a stack of Synchronicity. Max Stacks: 10. For each stack of Synchronicity, Zane gains 5% Action Skill Cooldown Rate and 2% Action Skill Damage.

Praemunitus: Zane and his digiclone gain (max) 30% magazine size.

Borrowed Time: For each action skill active, Zane gains 30% action skill duration. The longer Zane’s action skills are active, he and Blane gain a higher Fire Rate and faster Reload Speed, up to 20%. (the idea is you choose between this or synchronicity bc... either permanent action skills build or fast paced action skills build)

Tier 2: Donnybrook is fun. Fractal Frags is fun. Duct tape mod is a GODDAMN DISAPPOINTMENT

Donnybrook: fine as it is. I might buff the max numbers up to 20% gun damage and 3% health regen. But that’s really it.

Fractal Frags: Blane will periodically toss a grenade from Zane’s stockpile at his targeted enemy (cooldown: 20s). Kill Skill: Blane has a 45% chance to throw a free grenade.

Duct Tape Mod: this skill... why... No cooldown. NONE. Zane has a 1% chance to also fire a grenade from his gun. Kill Skill: This is increased to 15% for 8s (stays at 1% for the whole time, but the kill skill will increase by 3% for each tier)

Tier 3: Actually Quick Breather is one of my favorite skills. this can stay.

Quick Breather: Same as is. Additionally, Zane and his clone gain 25% Gun Damage after swapping places for a short time (8s).  I really wanna promote swapping places. It’s really underutilized. they’ve ADDED stuff to this skill already!!! even tho it didn’t work until the next patch. BUT THEY SHOW ITS POSSIBLE TO ADD TO SKILLS!!!

Tier 4: actually a really good tier. a few minor changes. 

Pocket Full of Grenades: Kill Skill: Zane gains (max) 15% grenade regeneration for 8s. If Zane’s grenades are full, any excess grenades are shot from his gun with 25% bonus damage.

Old-U: If Zane falls into FFYL while his digiclone is active, he can press the action skill activation key to destroy his clone and gain a second wind. When he does this, he takes the place of his clone. His clone will also drop a grenade when it is destroyed.

Supersonic Man: Zane gains increased movement speed for each active action skill: (max) 15% each. Additionally, teleportation is considered to be Zane’s maximum speed for its duration and 5s after. 

Tier 5: oh god oh fuck oh god.

Like a Ghost: Oh god why. Zane and his digiclone gain a (max) 15% chance to ignore all damage while teleporting and for 7s after.

Boom. Enhance: actually a pretty swell skill. I would probably add Health Regen +3% per grenade tho. Blane needs help a lot.

Trick of the Light: bring back the shock damage. Zane deals 40% bonus shock damage for 7s after swapping places with his clone.

Tier 6: oh ngl I actually love this capstone lol

Double Barrel: Zane’s digiclone gains a copy of Zane’s current gun when it is deployed (and all the anointments work and he actually fires it like a reasonable person). Zane’s clone now deals damage equal to Zane’s base weapon damage. Upon swapping places, both Zane and his digiclone deal 50% bonus damage for 7s.

Augments: 

Binary System: is okay. Kinda uhhh underwhelming tho. Buff up the damage and also maybe reduce teleportation time.

Schadenfreude: I like this one a lot. Zane’s shield is restored by 100% of the damage his digiclone takes and vice versa.

Dopplebanger: lower the waiting time. I get that u don’t wanna override the teleportation, but it’s really annoying. Buff damage and don’t make it dependent on action skill duration. If this explosion kills an enemy, the clone is reactivated with 50% action skill duration.

Which One’s Real?: I’ve never actually felt this work. Maybe for like 2 seconds? Make it work more like Zer0′s hologram or Timmy’s Jack clones or smth. Maybe give an activation cue? im v lost with this one. Enemies targeting Zane take 30% more damage from the digiclone.

Digital Distribution: 75% of the health damage Zane takes is distributed to his clone instead. The digiclone gains 5% Health Regeneration/s and sends out 3 [level specific damage] shock spikes to enemies that attack it. 

literally all Zane needs is SYNERGY. if they can change a few skills, pump up a few numbers, and ffs fix the seein’ red/dead capstone/mod, they’d be in FUCKIN BUSINESS

but no instead

THEY LOCKED THE BUFF BEHIND A PAYWALL.

WHYYYYYY

[satoshi-mochida]

The Final Fantasy Portal Site has published the first in a three-volume series of Final Fantasy IX interviews in celebration of the game’s 20th anniversary. Final Fantasy IX first launched for PlayStation on July 7, 2000.

The first interview is with Final Fantasy IX event design and scenario writer Kazuhiko Aoki. Volumes two and three will feature artist Toshiyuki Itahana and director Hiroyuki Ito.

Get the full interview with Aoki below.

―Final Fantasy IX is sometimes introduced with the phrase “returning to roots.” Where did Final Fantasy IX sit in the minds of the development team?

Aoki: “The slogans ‘returning to roots’ and ‘return of the crystal’ were there from the start. That’s why the setting of the game also has a medieval fantasy theme.”

―It is true that compared to the science fiction elements of FFVII and FFVIII, Final Fantasy IX made a sudden return to classic fantasy. There were even references to past FF titles, like character and vehicle names. Were those concepts also planned to be included from the beginning of development under the theme of “returning to roots”?

Aoki: “There were some things that were planned from the beginning, and then there were other elements that came about from those in charge of each part of the game during the creation process.

“The newborn chocobo, named Bobby Corwen…smash those names together and you get Boco.

“The foundation is 10 percent, and the remaining 90 percent comes from individual creators putting their own ideas and heart into a project. I think that’s the creation process of not only FF, but all games from Square Enix.”

―Each main character of Final Fantasy IX carries their own background story into the battles they face. Do you have a favorite character? Please tell us your reasons as well, if you have any.

Aoki: “I did my best not to have any favorites, so as not to be biased toward any specific character.

“There were backstories we wanted to elaborate on more, but sadly had to give up on due to time and data constraints.

“At the time I wished I could have developed how Zidane is afflicted by the difference in social status between him and Garnet a little more. Illustrating the breakdown of relations with the nobles in Treno due to their disapproval of Zidane and Garnet’s relationship, Zidane butting up against the social confines he faces and the incredible power Garnet holds as royalty, and how Zidane gets back up on his feet despite all of that—I felt that would have done a lot to help further portray him as a character.”

―The NPCs are also very well developed. What about them?

Aoki: “I don’t have any biases when it comes to NPC characters either. There actually wasn’t any differentiation in my mind between main characters and sub characters. Once the game’s story started to come to life on screen, my drive to develop each character even further – the steadfast reliability of Marcus or Garnet’s internal struggles, for example—only got stronger.”

―The Tantalus members Genero, Zenero, Benero and all their siblings are an unusual bunch. How did they come to be?

Aoki: “There wasn’t a trace of them until right before the game went gold. Not only limited to Final Fantasy IX, each FF series title has a period of about three to four months of quality improvements and brushing up after all elements that will be included in a game are implemented. How can we make it more interesting, what would make it easier to understand, what new discoveries can we find to add to the experience…as a creator you approach the process with a feeling similar to recreating something entirely. Those siblings came about suddenly right in the middle of that final tweaking for Final Fantasy IX.”

―The characters in Final Fantasy IX are built shorter than in previous FF games. Was there a reason for that?

Aoki: “I don’t know the reason for making the characters shorter in stature, but I did often hear that the cutscene team had a hard time making use of the know-how they gained working on Final Fantasy VIII. It was apparently a lot of trial and error.

“The characters in Final Fantasy IX excel at showing a certain sweetness or silliness, but even when they take on a totally different serious tone their expressions are so genuine. I feel that Final Fantasy IX had quite a good balance going in that sense.”

―Final Fantasy IX is known for its many popular and memorable lines. Whose idea was it to put together the loading screen of CG screenshots overlaid with words from the game and art?

Aoki: “The cutscene leader and event staff made that by picking out lines from the game. It was also the manifestation of a strong desire to show what kind of characters these were.”

―There were also many monsters with unique gimmicks, such as Ragtime Mouse’s quiz-style battle. Do you have a favorite monster or gimmick used by one?

Aoki: “I’m not sure if you could call it a unique monster, but my favorite are the black mages who appear in Cleyra. Your party characters don’t do a victory pose even if you win against them. That came from the battle system team’s consideration of the scene those battles take place in. You grow used to the characters celebrating when they win a battle, so I was really surprised the first time I saw that.

“I don’t know if this is still true, but development happened with next to no meetings between the event and battle design teams. Although that’s not to say that those teams didn’t get along.”

―Final Fantasy IX has a lot of mini games, many of which are quite difficult. Are there any you find particularly memorable?

Aoki: “Chocobo Hot and Cold. It came from the director wanting some contents that would allow traveling all over the game world. The concept came together in less than 30 minutes, but the actual creators who worked on the mini-game put a lot of time into it. Every last detail was done with such care.”

―Final Fantasy IX’s soundtrack was handled by Mr. Nobuo Uematsu. We feel that music is another important factor in expressing characters or story. If there are any songs from Final Fantasy IX that really stand out in your memory, please tell us about them.

Aoki: “That would be the song that Mr. Uematsu played for me the first time he worked at the Hawaii office.

“It was in response to me asking if he had any recommended songs from the new game—I got an idea for part of the story the second it came on. That song would eventually be titled ‘You’re Not Alone.’

“I asked, ‘Are there going to be any more changes to it?’ and he responded, ‘Yes, sorry… I’d like to tweak it a little more.’ It wasn’t finalized until the last minute, so I’m sure he really struggled with the composition of that piece.”

―Was there anything during development that was especially challenging or that sticks out in your mind?

Aoki: “The last few weeks were a battle with data restrictions. We had data increasing every day, having to think about where to divide the story so we’d end up with an amount that fit on each of the four discs. That fine-tuning took some real mental gymnastics.”

―If there’s anything else from your experiences during the development of Final Fantasy IX or messages for the many people who still love Final Fantasy IX you’d be willing to share, we would love to hear it.

Aoki: “There were about 300 people at the party celebrating Final Fantasy IX’s completion. It was developed by a team divided between Japan and Hawaii, so about one-third of the faces there I had never seen before…I was surprised all over again at how many people were involved in the project.

“I’m incredibly happy that Final Fantasy IX is loved by so many people; that’s been a huge motivator and confidence booster when facing jobs I’ve had since. I think that’s true not only for me, but also the many creators who worked on Final Fantasy IX as well. It would be nice to celebrate the game’s 20th anniversary with everyone who was at the post-launch party.

“Near the end of that party, there was a moment when the sound effect team went up on the venue’s stage. ‘In Final Fantasy X, there’s going to be this thing called Blitzball, and there will be a scene with the spectators cheering. We’d love if you would all be willing to help with that!’ they said. And I thought ‘…Oh, they’ve already started working on X.’ Just when I thought things were finished, they had already begun a new Final Fantasy. It really hit me being there, this is how the Final Fantasy series continues on forever.”

―Thank you for your time today!

Final Fantasy IX is available for PlayStation, PlayStation 3, PSP, and PS Vita via PSone Classics, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, Switch, PC via Steam, iOS, and Android.

[thebluemartini]

Far From the Shallow - Chapter 12 [Nessian Fic]

TITLE: Far From the Shallow SYNOPSIS: Post-ACOFAS. As part of a deal with Feyre, Nesta has agreed to live with Cassian in the Illyrian Mountains. However, shortly after her arrival, she receives the startling news that she’s pregnant from one of her one-night stands. While she tries to quickly get a grip on her life, Cassian’s determined to make her see that she’s not facing this alone.

FIC LENGTH: Multi-chapter (Total Chapter Estimate: 14)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11

TAGGING: @bohemiandreams27 @queenofillea1 @trash-for-nessian @nestaarcheronwillkillme @my-fan-side @strangeenemy @maastrash @cageddovepoetry @bybooksanddreams @lilbat90 @ritamordio19 @mastercommandercaptain @feysand-dot-acotar @archeron-queen @welcometothespeaknowworldtour @empress-ofbloodshed @there-is-warmth-in-winter @mybbyfeyre @saltydreamcollector @justlikethecheshirecat @mis-lil-red @supebowlere @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @everything-that-i-love @sezkins79 @hashtolanashoba @lord-douglas-the-third @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @hikari274 @acotar-and-tog-for-life @ellenoftroy @ink-nibs @highlordofthenightcourttrash @sesquipedalian-aficionado @tintinnabulary

*This chapter is also posted on AO3 and FF.

A/N: Eeep! I’m so nervous posting this chapter since it’s the moment we’ve been waiting for!

(Please note, I definitely do not get into all the crazy details about childbirth. Also, this is a fae birth, so that’s my excuse if there’s anything that does/doesn’t happen that usually doesn’t/does happen during a human birth! Haha 😉)

________________________________________________________________ CHAPTER 12: May

As the days went by, Cassian woke up each morning, hoping he would hear from Nesta again.

He hadn’t heard from her since she sent him a message about the baby’s gender. The day after that, he had gone ahead and wrote her a simple question: How are you doing?

But a week went by, and he still hadn’t received a reply.

The lack of response saddened and frustrated him, but he still had the hope she would eventually contact him, considering she initiated the last conversation.

But now it was the first day of May. The month she was going to have her baby.

There was no way he was going to miss the birth of her baby. He wanted to give Nesta the space she desired, but at what point would he have to stop waiting for her and just go ahead and make his own move?

He needed to be there for her. No matter how much she may try to push him away, he would prove to her that he would still be there and that he loved her.

Just as he was about to leave the kitchen, a piece of parchment appeared on the table. As soon as Cassian saw it, he instantaneously reached for it as his heart hammered in his chest.

Bat boy,

Be at my apartment at midday.

-Amren

Cassian’s heart sank upon seeing it wasn’t Nesta’s handwriting.

Instead, it was a demanding note from Amren without an explanation for why he needed to visit.

Typical.

He wasn’t sure what this could be about. Visiting Amren wasn’t a usual part of his duties for the Inner Circle. She wasn’t usually involved with Illyrian matters.

He wondered if Nesta had listened to him when he told her to visit Amren about the siphon. Could it possibly be about that? He wasn’t sure what he would really need to do with the siphon. It had been unlinked. There was nothing more needed from him.

He picked up a pen to write back. Any special reason?

The response came quickly.

You’ll find out when you get here.

Cassian huffed at the vague reply. If he was going to be there at midday, he’d have to start flying out there now. But at least this gave him a reason to go to Velaris. Maybe afterwards, he would stop at Rhys and Feyre’s estate and attempt to talk to Nesta again.

Gods, it felt like it’d been ages since he last saw her.

As he left the kitchen and exited the cabin, he couldn’t help but feel slightly thrilled by the prospect of seeing her again later that day.

He just prayed she would be more receptive to what he had to say.

________________________________________________________________

Nesta sighed out of frustration as she made her way to Amren’s house. The message she received from her had been last minute and unexpected, demanding she come over to test something about her powers and to come right away.

Didn’t she realize that her baby could be born any day now? Her stomach was so large, making it hard to move about and slowing her down, elongating the journey to Amren’s. She couldn’t handle short notice, but when Nesta tried to protest in her message back to her, Amren got feisty right back at her, claiming that she must not care about potentially hurting her daughter with her powers.

Such a comment irritated her but also spurred her to get dressed and start making her way to Amren’s home. At least it was only the first day of May. Better to try out whatever crazy idea Amren had now instead of later on, when she was closer to Madja’s estimated due date of mid-May.

Soon, she’d be able to meet her baby girl. The thought always caused Nesta to bring her hand up to her stomach to feel her kicks, which were pretty constant now.

At least she had somewhere to live and her sisters would be around to help take care of the baby. Her relationship with them was still far from perfect, but they were slowly working through it.

But was she ready for the birth of her baby? She had no idea if anything could truly prepare her for it. She kept reading about it since she didn’t even know a single fae who’d had a fae child. Rhys, Azriel, and Amren had told her what they knew, but they didn’t fully know how it would go or what it would feel like or what the best ways to raise the baby would be.

She just wished...Cassian was here to handle the unknown with her. She moved her hand up to touch the red siphon that she now wore around her neck.

But he didn’t deserve to be saddled down with someone like her and taking care of a child that wasn’t his. He deserves someone better.

It was a moment of weakness when she decided to send him a message about finding out the baby was a girl. She’d been too wrapped up in the excitement of it to think straight. When he sent her a message the next day, asking how she was doing, she’d been in a clearer state of mind and was able to realize it would be better for her to not respond. To detach and distance herself.

And it would be healthier for her to stop thinking of him...

Soon, she reached the front door of Amren’s apartment and knocked.

“Get inside, girl!” she heard Amren shout through the door.

Nesta rolled her eyes at her impropriety before turning the knob and strolling inside.

She’d found Amren lounging around in the living room, eating some chicken and vegetables. “Come eat with me, girl,” she demanded as she gestured to the plate of food sitting on the end of the small table in the middle of the room.

Nesta gave her a peculiar look as Amren lifted the plate to her, and Nesta took a seat in the chair across from her.

Amren’s message had made it sound like this was an urgent meeting, and here she was, casually eating in the living room.

“I thought we were going to do something with my powers,” Nesta grumpily stated.

“In a moment,” Amren replied. “But first, we must eat.”

Nesta rolled her eyes at Amren’s eccentricities but figured she might as well feed herself and the baby, so she started eating.

A little while later, Amren stood up and started walking out of the room.

“Where are you going?” Nesta asked.

“To use the damned bathroom,” Amren muttered irritably.

Nesta continued to sit and eat, all while trying not to explode on Amren for ordering her to get here immediately when they weren’t even doing anything.

Suddenly, she heard a knock upon the front door, sparking Nesta’s curiosity. She wasn’t aware of anyone possibly joining them. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone else either. Not that she ever really was.

“Answer that,” Amren dictated loudly from inside the bathroom.

Nesta groaned in annoyance as she carefully put down her plate, then slowly made her way over to the door, wondering why Amren didn’t bother answering the door when she arrived, but now, someone actually needed the door opened for them.

Upon swinging the door open, her eyes widened in surprise when she found Cassian standing before her.

He looked equally shocked to see her, with his mouth opening to speak, but no words came out.

“What are you...what are you doing here?” Nesta managed to ask. She’d intended for her words to have more bite, but instead they just came out slowly and calmly.

“What am I doing here? I think the better question is why are you here instead of in bed at the estate, waiting for the baby’s arrival?” he asked rather seriously, with his eyes filled with concern.

Nesta’s fiery nature kicked in. “I am perfectly able -” she began to defend herself, but suddenly an arrow came soaring over her shoulder and went straight for Cassian’s neck, piercing the skin.

Cassian plucked the arrow from the small wound as he grunted with pain before closing his eyes and instantly crumpling to the ground.

“CASSIAN!” Nesta exclaimed and tried to reach for him as he fell, but with her pregnant stomach, she couldn’t move fast enough to catch him. Nesta whirled around and found Varian standing in the room.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?” Nesta yelled, and the burning in her hands ignited and she could feel power shoot out of her and hit Varian’s body. Instantly, she heard Varian’s heartbeat slow down. She didn’t even need to touch him for him to feel the effects, which may have been a result of the siphon that hung around her neck.

“PULL BACK, NESTA! CASSIAN IS FINE!” Amren exclaimed when she appeared in front of Varian. Immediately, when she stood in front of him, the blast of power had stopped.

Hyperventilating, Nesta glared at her as Amren turned around and inspected Varian’s body. He appeared to be breathing slowly.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO CASSIAN?” Nesta demanded to know as she carefully kneeled down beside Cassian’s unconscious body and ran her hand across his cheek to push hair away from his face. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the rise and fall of his chest.

“He’ll only be knocked out for a half hour,” Amren calmly stated, still tending to Varian. “And it appears I was right. Your powers to harm come alive when you’re protecting someone you love.”

Love...

“THAT’S WHAT THIS WAS ALL ABOUT?” she shouted.

“Yes, now calm down already,” Amren ordered.

Nesta kept her eyes on Cassian and continued to stroke his cheek. She hated seeing him like this. Motionless and seeming lifeless. She hated that she’d already seen Cassian like this twice before, which still haunted her: at the hands of the king of Hybern and at the Dunclare camp in Illyria.

And while she knew she needed to detach herself from him, she still needed to make sure Amren spoke truthfully and make sure Cassian awoke.

So she waited. 

________________________________________________________________

Cassian opened his eyes.

He was lying on a couch. Amren’s couch, he had realized.

With a grunt, he sat up as he tried to recall how he got there. Thinking through the day, he remembered getting a note from Amren, flying to Velaris, knocking on her door, and then...and then he saw Nesta.

Nesta.

His heart started pumping fast.

And then some arrow had come flying out of nowhere and hit him.

When Amren walked in the room, he perked his head up. “Finally,” she remarked.

Cassian let out a huff. “What was that arrow all about?” he asked groggily.

“I had Varian shoot a drugged arrow at you to see if it would trigger Nesta’s powers, and I was right,” Amren bragged as she gave him a smug smile.

“You did what?”

“You heard me, boy.”

Cassian shook his head at Amren’s insane antics. But...but Nesta’s powers had been triggered. He started turning his head, looking to see if she was still around somewhere.

“She’s outside on the balcony,” Amren stated.

“Excuse me?”

“Don’t play dumb,” Amren remarked before turning and walking out of the room.

Cassian started rubbing his head over the spot where he he had fallen on it. That had been an extreme ploy to get Nesta’s powers to work. But what did this mean for her powers?

Getting up off the couch, he walked across the room, looking out the window as he headed to the door to the balony.  Outside, Nesta was sitting in a chair with one leg stretched out and propped up on another chair.

He could see how big her stomach had gotten, and how beautiful she still looked. She was still glowing. Just like the day they’d hosted the Illyrian camp leaders at his cabin.

At least she didn’t run away. She knew he was here and didn’t bolt. Perhaps, she was willing to talk to him. Carefully, he turned the knob to open the door to the balcony.

________________________________________________________________

When she heard the creak of the door behind her, she knew it was Cassian.

But she didn’t dare look back up at him, knowing it would send her heart thundering in her chest. Instead, she focused her gaze on her swollen foot that was propped on the chair.

He appeared in her peripheral vision and soon began to speak. “Your foot is swollen,” he observed.

“I’m aware,” she said casually.

“Do you want me to - ”

“No,” she interrupted him. From the way he leaned down and motioned to touch her lower leg, she knew he was about to offer to massage her foot. She wouldn’t be able to stand him touching her because she knew it risked making her want him all the more.

Plus, he’d already done so much for her. It wasn’t right for him to do any more for her.

Cassian then went over to the other side of her and sat down in the seat next to her.

“Amren said she figured out how to trigger your powers,” he said.

“It appears that they activate when I’m trying to protect someone,” she answered, neglecting to mention the other qualifier that Amren had said.

“I see you’re wearing the siphon,” he commented. “Did it help?”

The damned siphon he shouldn’t have given her.

“Yes,” she replied with a bit of an edge to her tone. Finally, she turned her gaze away from her foot and looked up at him. She regretted it as soon as she looked at him.

He was giving her the look, and she nearly stumbled over her words when she spoke again.

“Why...why would you give me this?” she asked, raising her voice out of frustration.

“Because that was our agreement for me breaking a promise.”

“But I didn’t know the pain it would cause you!”

“It doesn’t matter. I would do anything for you,” he noted earnestly.

Nesta shook her head and tilted her face away from him, wondering what the heck was wrong with him for saying such a thing.

“What is it?” he asked. “Why are you shaking your head? Do you honestly not believe me?”

“I don’t deserve you,” she whispered as a tear slipped out of her eye.

“Excuse me?”

“I don’t deserve you,” she said a bit louder and more forcefully.

“What is that supposed to mean? What makes you think that you don’t deserve me?”

Nesta continued shaking her head. “I’m a monster. Even your friends despise me for the way I act. The way I am. You should stay away.”

She thought of Mor’s feelings about her and her conversations with Rhysand. Neither of them liked her. Why would Cassian want someone who his friends despised?

“Would a monster sleep beside me to keep my nightmares away? Do everything she could to ease tensions with the Illyrians with me? Tend to my wounds when I’m injured? Not many people know the real you, Nesta, but I do. And I love you.”

“Stop saying that,” she stated with exasperation.

“I won’t stop speaking the truth,” he said firmly.

She couldn’t do this. She needed to get out of here. She’s seen him awake. She could go home now, knowing his was fine after being shot by the drugged arrow.

Bringing her foot down from the chair and standing up, she headed straight for the door to the apartment. Of course her movement wasn’t swift, giving Cassian ample time to get right behind her and raise his hand above her shoulder to hold the door closed as she tried to turn the knob and open it.

“Nesta,” he whispered, and she could feel his breath against the back of her neck. Having him so close sent her heart racing. “Talk to me,” he pleaded.

“About what?” she snapped.

“Did you read all my letters?”

“Yes,” she answered strongly.

“And did you talk to your sisters about the bond?”

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And what?”

He was still breathing on the back of her neck. It was driving her crazy, and yet she felt frozen in place.

“And what do you think of the bond?”

“And I don’t think…” she began before taking a deep breath. “I don’t think the bond determines how you feel.”

Cassian’s hand on the door slid down to encase her hand that rested on the knob. She could feel him get closer behind her, and he placed his hand against her shoulder blade. “Then what’s the problem?” he wondered quietly, with his lips close to the shell of her ear.

Nesta closed her eyes and resisted the urge to lean back into him.

“I told you,” she said forcefully, once she’d gathered her senses. “I don’t deserve you.”

Cassian sighed. “Stop being so ridiculous.”

“I am not being ridiculous,” she insisted as she released the door knob and turned around to face him, forcing Cassian to step back from her a little.

“Yes, you are!” he said loudly. “You’re just making up excuses because you’re afraid!”

Nesta narrowed her eyes at him and shook her head. “You’re delusional.”

“Sweetheart,” he said as he moved to grab hold of her hands, but she wouldn’t allow that. She quickly moved her hands out of his reach and whipped around her body to open the door. She stormed into the apartment, unable to shut the door behind her since Cassian was barging in right behind her.

“I’m done having this -” Nesta began to say before letting out a cry after feeling a burst of pain through his lower back and abdomen. The discomfort took her by surprise, causing her to lean her palm against the wall for support.

“Nesta, what is it?” Cassian asked in concern, immediately coming to her side and wrapping his arm around her. “Is the baby coming?”

The pains within her continued and she couldn’t help but keep letting out cries of anguish. This must be it. Her baby girl was coming. “Yes,” she said just before her knees buckled as she felt a raging contraction.

But Cassian was there and ready to catch her. With one arm at her back and the other beneath her thighs, he lifted her up in his arms. “AMREN!” he called out.

“WHAT!” Amren replied from another room.

“Contact Madja to meet us at Rhys and Feyre’s! The baby is coming!” he instructed.

Then he gazed down at Nesta as she clutched at her stomach. “I’ll fly you very carefully back to the estate,” he explained as he started walking at a quick pace toward the front door.

Once he stepped outside, they took flight.

________________________________________________________________

Nesta had a hard time focusing on what was going on around her. Her eyes were closed most of the time as pain wracked her body. The baby books had warned her that labor pains would be as bad as during menstruation, if not worse.

She vaguely remembered Cassian murmuring some things to her like “Hang in there, sweetheart,” as they flew back to the estate. Those words brought her no comfort as she still felt like she wanted to throttle someone.

Then when they reached the estate, there was a huge commotion, with her sisters, Rhys, Azriel, and Madja all gathered around. She remembered hearing Madja’s voice shouting over everyone to instruct Cassian to carry her upstairs to her room.

 All the noise was irritating.

When they reached her room, Cassian had gently laid her down on the bed as Madja rushed about to retrieve all that she needed. But based on all the chatter she heard, it sounded like many of the others had followed them upstairs, infuriating both her and Madja. She did not need to have her ears ringing from all this ridiculous noise on top of giving birth.

“EVERYONE NEEDS TO GET OUT,” Madja ordered loudly. “Cassian, are you staying in the room or not?”

This question caused her to shoot open her eyes. Looking up, she found Cassian standing over her, staring directly at her.

“It’s your call, sweetheart. Am I staying or am I going?” he asked.

Another contraction ripped through her body.

“IF YOU DARE TO ABANDON ME NOW, I WILL MURDER YOU,” she spat out fiercely without even thinking. Because, gods, she couldn’t even handle thinking right now. 

Despite the fact that she just yelled at him, Cassian beamed as he eagerly grabbed her hand.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered. “Hang in there, sweetheart.”

________________________________________________________________

Watching Nesta be in labor for many hours was brutal.

Knowing how much pain she was in made it a horrifying experience because he couldn’t do anything except sit on a chair beside her bed, hold her hand, and wait. He couldn’t rid her of her pain.

Through the bond, he could feel a dull ache in his back and his stomach. He knew it was nothing compared to the torturous time she was having. She made sure he and Madja were well aware of that fact, with her shouts at them for not helping make the pain go away.

Which was another reason it was so brutal to watch her be in labor.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING WRONG? YOU KEEP FEELING MY STOMACH, YET THE BABY’S STILL NOT COMING. ARE YOU THAT INCOMPETENT?” Nesta shouted at one point when Madja felt around her bare stomach. 

“ARE YOU REALLY ABOUT TO ABANDON ME RIGHT NOW?” she screamed at another moment when he let go of her hand to get up to retrieve a cold, wet towel with the intention of placing it against her forehead.

She was constantly shouting about every little thing. She would reprimand him for gripping her hand too tightly then later say his grip was too loose. She would claim he was breathing too heavily on her, so he would turn his head slightly away from her, but then she’d wonder if she was too hideous for him to look at right now. 

But all throughout her outrageous complaints, Cassian reminded himself to remain calm and not engage in an argument with her. He’d always answer her sweetly and gently in an effort to please her as best as he could.

All while praying the baby would make her arrival very, very soon.

“Hang in there, sweetheart,” he stated for what was probably the hundredth time when she cried out in anguish.

She glared at him when she turned her face toward him. “THOSE STUPID WORDS AREN’T HELPING!”

Cassian fought the urge to sigh for fear of her complaining about that too. What else was he supposed to say in this moment?

 He decided to just say the next thing that came to mind.

“I love you, sweetheart.”

“WELL DESPITE YOUR UNHELPFULNESS, I LOVE YOU TOO.”

It felt as if his heart stopped. His thumb that had been rubbing circles on the back of her hand froze.

“What did you say?” he whispered as he looked at her curiously.

“YOU HEARD ME.”

“But...did you mean it?” he wondered. She had been saying crazy things all day.

“WHY WOULD I HAVE SAID WORDS I DON’T MEAN?”

“Well, earlier at Amren’s, you were telling me that -” he began to say, but Nesta cut him off.

“WELL YOU WERE RIGHT. I WAS AFRAID, DAMMIT.”

Cassian couldn’t the stop the huge grin from spreading across his face.

“DON’T YOU DARE GET COCKY JUST BECAUSE I SAID YOU WERE RIGHT,” she added.

“Oh, Nesta…” he murmured as he stood up from his seat to lean over and plant a kiss on her cheek. “I love you.”

Nesta sighed in annoyance. “I ALREADY KNOW.”

It was then that Nesta let out her loudest cry of agony yet, which caused Madja to press along her stomach again. “The baby is coming now,” she announced. “Push! Push!”

“You’ve got this, sweetheart,” he remarked as he felt her squeeze his hand tighter than ever before. “Keep pushing.”

Within minutes, they could hear the baby’s cries. Cassian looked at Nesta and the widest smile came across her face. Tears flooded out of her eyes as she breathed heavily. Cassian lifted their intertwined hands and placed a kiss on the back of her hand. “You did it, sweetheart.”

Soon Madja presented her with her cleaned-off baby girl swaddled in a blanket. Nesta released Cassian’s hand and eagerly took her into her arms. “Welcome, little one,” she said quietly as she stared at her in adoration. The baby settled down once she noticed her mother’s eyes looking at her.

Feeling like he was infringing on Nesta’s moment with her daughter, he took a few steps back.

“Where are you going?” Nesta asked as she perked her head up and looked at him.

“I thought you would want -” he started to say, but Nesta interjected.

“Come over here,” she implored.

Cassian immediately went and sat beside Nesta on the mattress, wrapping his arm around Nesta’s back while gazing down at her baby.

She looked so peaceful and innocent. Her face looked a lot like Nesta’s, especially the shape of her nose. It was...so incredible to see. He couldn’t help but smile down at her. “She’s beautiful,” he commented.

Nesta nodded in agreement.

“And so are you,” he added before kissing Nesta’s cheek.

“I love her so much already,” Nesta said breathlessly.

“What are you going to name her?”

Nesta turned to look up at him. “Would it be all right...if I named her Dahlia?”

Cassian’s breath stilled.

His mother. Nesta wanted to name her daughter after his mother. But how did she even know his mother’s name? He had never told her...

“You want to name her...after my mother?” he asked, stumbling over his words. “How...how did you even know my mother’s name?”

Nesta nodded. “Rhys told me. It seemed like the perfect name, after all you’ve done for me and for the baby because of your mother.”

“It was because of you that I - ” Cassian gently insisted.

“It was at least partly because of her,” Nesta interrupted as she gave him look as if to say Don’t deny it. “You didn’t want me to feel alone like she did...and I certainly didn’t because of you.”

Cassian hugged her tighter to him. “I’d be honored if you named her after my mother,” he whispered, unable to prevent the tear that glistened in his eye.

Nesta gave him a peck on the lips - their first kiss since the day he started the Blood Rite - before bending her head down to kiss her baby’s head. “Hello, Dahlia.”

“Hi, Dahlia,” Cassian said as he gazed down at her.

With the woman he loved beside him - who loved him in return - and a child he’d considered his own sitting before them...Cassian was certain he’d never felt this content in his entire life. 

________________________________________________________________

Once Madja had cleaned up the room and Nesta looked a little more presentable, her sisters, Rhys, and Azriel were finally permitted to enter the room and meet the baby. While Feyre and Elain were busy taking turns holding her and cooing to her, the males retrieved the crib and brought it inside Nesta’s room.

After a short while, Nesta’s exhaustion really hit her. Luckily, Madja realized this, shooing everyone off while insisting Nesta and Dahlia needed rest. Madja placed Dahlia to sleep in her crib, and Cassian had laid down beside her as they fell asleep together.

It must have been a few hours later when she felt Cassian stir beside her and remove his hand from its place on her waist.

She had assumed he had gone to the bathroom or went to retrieve food or drink, but when he didn’t return within a few minutes, she opened her eyes to find Cassian standing beside the crib, holding Dahlia in his arms as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Cassian swayed a little back and forth with her, rubbing her back as he did so.

It was a beautiful sight to see. When she had grown closer to Cassian, this is what she had been picturing what their life could be like. Their own little family.

When she had gone into labor, she found that she could no longer deny her feelings for him. She was tired of fighting them and she wanted him to be at her side, figuring out how to be parents together.

But she needed to be sure that this life was what he wanted.

Nesta sat up in her bed as she observed him gently lay Dahlia down in her crib. When he turned around, he appeared startled to see her awake and watching him.

“Sorry if I woke you,” he whispered as he returned to his place beside her in the bed. “I could hear Dahlia getting a little fussy, and I didn’t want her to start crying.”

Nesta scooted her body so she could wrap her arm around Cassian’s waist and rest her head against his bare chest. “Thank you,” she murmured.

Cassian entwined his fingers within her hair and started undoing her braid. “You’re welcome,” he said quietly.

Nesta started tracing the Illyrian tattoos on his chest with her finger. “Will you be a father to Dahlia?”

“I want so much to be a father to her,” he remarked as he continued to play with her hair. “But if I’m going to be her father, then you need to understand that I am never going to abandon her or leave her. I will always be a part of her life, which means I will forever be a part of yours, and I need to know where I stand with you.”

Nesta paused her tracing as she looked up at him, with her chin resting on his chest. “What do you mean?”

“More than anything, I want to be with you,” he stated tenderly as his fingers stilled within her hair. “Only you. And I need to know if you feel the same way. Because earlier, you told me you were afraid.”

Nesta sat back up again and placed her hands on the sides of Cassian’s face. “I love you,” she said. “I only want you. I still don’t think I deserve you and I think part of me will always be afraid that I’ll mess it all up somehow. But I’ve realized that I don’t want to take the risk of not being with you either. I don’t think I’m ready to accept the bond yet, so -”

“The bond isn’t important to me,” he interrupted gently. “Your love is enough.”

“You have it,” she whispered. “And I always want you to be in my life and to be with me.”

Cassian smile spread from ear to ear as he put his hands on her cheeks and tugged her face closer to him. “I love you, Nesta Archeron.”

“I love you, Cassian,” she managed to hurriedly say before his lips came crashing against hers to give her a passionate kiss.

After a few more passionate kisses, Nesta fell back asleep in his arms, feeling safe and secure, and the happiest she’d ever been. 

________________________________________________________________

The next week and a half had been filled with lots of grogginess, lots of breastfeeding, and a great desire for sleep. Nesta hardly left her room, let alone her bed, as her sore body recovered from giving birth.

Cassian rarely left her alone. Unless he was using the bathroom or cooking food for her, he was always there to help calm the baby, to bring Dahlia over to her bed, to bring her meals and eat with her, and help make sure she got at least some rest.

Feeling well enough to stand at least for a little while, she had put Dahlia down in her crib to sleep. As soon as she hit the crib, she wailed.

But then Cassian appeared beside Nesta, and Dahlia became silent, suddenly entranced by the movement of his wings. When he saw her staring at them, he deliberately began to flap them around a bit, intriguing her even more. Cassian chuckled as he did so, and Nesta couldn’t help but laugh herself.

“Too bad she wasn’t born with wings,” Cassian commented. “She seems rather fond of them.”

Cassian had told her the day after Dahlia was born that if she were part Illyrian, the wings would’ve been present at birth. But there were none.

When Cassian made the comment, Nesta couldn’t tell if he was relieved or disappointed. Would he have been jealous if she turned out to be the biological daughter of an Illyrian who wasn’t him?

But overall, he seemed so happy to be around both of them. And this easiness between them was so calming and pleasant.

But she knew that all good things must come to an end, including this fairytale-like lifestyle.

“When are you going back to Illyria?” she asked quietly once he settled down his wings as Dahlia finally closed her eyes to sleep, unable to keep them open any longer.

Cassian turned to her and gave her a peculiar look. “Sick of me already, sweetheart?” he questioned her back, but she could tell there was some hesitancy. His jesting wasn’t as smooth as it usually was. 

But she was determined to have fun with this.

“Well,” she said as she turned away from the crib and crossed the room to sit in front of her vanity. “Someone’s been taking apart my hair each day after I spend all this time braiding and styling it. It’s been quite inconvenient.”

“Is that so?” he growled with a smirk as he came up behind her. “It seems to me that you style it because you enjoy feeling my fingers run through your hair and take it apart.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” she sternly said as she looked at his reflection in the mirror. “This cocky attitude of yours is also a problem.”

Cassian’s grin didn’t leave his face. “Any other complaints?”

As she eyed him in the mirror, she could see he was now giving her the infamous look. The look that sent her heart racing and made her feel anxious all at the same time.

“Well, the way you look at me sometimes…” she began confidently. “...makes me feel uneasy,” she finished in a whisper.

“I think you feel uneasy because you are having trouble resisting the urge to run your hands all over me.”

Nesta rolled her eyes at him. “There’s your irritating cocky attitude again.”

Cassian crouched down so the edge of his face was nearly touching her cheek.  “I can think of so many better uses for your mouth than spreading all these lies, sweetheart,” he stated huskily.

A slight blush crept up her face as she looked down at the vanity and thought of all the spots she’d love to kiss him on his body...

But she had to get back to the topic at hand. She leaned her head away from him.

“I can only handle your delusions for so long,” she said with a glint of amusement in her eyes. Then she shifted into a more serious tone. “When are you going back to Illyria?”

Cassian took a deep breath. “Well I would want to go back once you and Dahlia can go with me.”

Nesta took a deep breath. “I don’t think it’s safe for us to go back anytime soon,” she sadly pointed out. The Illyrians had already attacked them before and nearly succeeded because they thought her baby was his child. There was no way she would put Dahlia at risk. Especially when she’s just a baby.

“I know,” he expressed woefully as he sat on the edge of her bed behind her. “So until then, I’ll live here in Velaris - “”

“You can’t do that!” Nesta interrupted, slamming her hands on the vanity out of impassioned frustration. “You need to help the Illyrians change, not give them more reason to hate you for ruling over them from afar. They won’t accept that. They won’t change. They’ll just turn further against you!”

“Then...I won’t-”

“You better not be saying you’ll give up being the General Commander!” she interjected as she whipped around in her seat to face him.

“Well, technically I’m not because you’re not letting me get a word in, sweetheart!” he joked. But Nesta was no longer in the mood for jokes right now. This was serious. He had already done so much for her. She wouldn’t let him give up his status of General Commander.

Standing up in front of him, she put her hands on his shoulders as she spoke to him.

“You are going to go back to the camps and you are going to make them change their ways for your mother. And then you’re going to make it safe for me and Dahlia to come live there with you one day. You will not give up anything more for me. Is that understood?” she ordered him sternly.

“But I would give up everything for you,” he stated softly as he grabbed her arms and gently pulled her onto his lap.

“I know,” she replied softly. “But you don’t need to.”

Cassian let out a frustrated groan. “What am I supposed to do without you?”

“You wouldn’t be without us,” she noted as she wrapped her hands around his neck. “We’ll make this work. You could still visit us every week...Rhys and Feyre could perhaps help with winnowing you here often.”

“But they can’t do that for us forever.”

“I could learn how to winnow,” she suggested.

“Maybe in time, but you should focus on taking care of Dahlia for now.”

“Well, the faster you get the camps in order, the faster we can come home to Illyria,” she whispered and she could see the warmth in Cassian’s eyes when she said the word home.

Illyria was where she truly got to know Cassian. It was where shared secrets, experiences, and feelings had bounded them together. It was where she had fallen for him, and now...now home was wherever Cassian was.

As well as where Dahlia was. It hurt to say that she couldn’t go back with him to Illyria. But Dahlia’s safety came first.

Cassian hugged her to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I don’t like this,” he noted sourly.

“I don’t either,” she whispered. “But you owe it to your mother to put an end to their abuse and their injustice. If you gave up being General Commander, then...you wouldn’t be the man I love.” 

He heaved a sigh.

Nesta started rubbing the back of his neck. She knew he was feeling as sad as she was...but what else could they do? Illyria needed change. Dahlia needed safety. Her and Cassian still could be together...just not as often as they would like.

“Undo my hair as you love to do everyday,” she instructed.

Finally, the glint of wicked amusement returned to his eyes as he gave her a sly smile. “I think you mean it’s what you love me to do everyday. Actually, I think all your supposed complaints tonight were reasons you love me.”

“Mmm,” she moaned as she planted a kiss against his neck. “I don’t know about that,” she said with amusement.

“Cruel woman,” he remarked as he slowly weaved his hand within her hair. “I think you may be the one who’s delusional.”

“Maybe you should knock some sense into me,” she breathed.

“Gladly,” he answered before further twirling his fingers in her hair to destroy her braid and planting a fierce kiss on her lips.

Suddenly, they heard a loud wail coming from the crib. Cassian leaned his forehead against Nesta’s. “Well, I guess I’ll have to knock some sense into you later,” he said and Nesta laughed before they both got up from the bed to tend to Dahlia.

________________________________________________________________

A/N: Eeeee! The baby is here! Feelings have been revealed! Unfortunately, things aren’t perfect for Nessian…but hey, that’s life and they’re at least together!

There’s still 2 chapters left of this story to go! Next chapter is slated to be about both June and July and then the final chapter will be an epilogue.

Let me know all your feelings about this chapter! 😊 Thank you as always for your support! Everyone’s comments have been SOO sweet! I love you all!

---> CHAPTER 13

[autumnslance]

Lmao I got three I'm particularly curious about for you on the character meme. Thancred, Lahabrea, Igeyorhm. XD Feel free to do as many or as few as you'd like of course!

You asked for it. We’ll start with That Damned Rogue. The Ascians will be below.

This of course got long, so behind a cut it goes:

Thancred

First impression: I started in Gridania and took like 2 years to finish ARR 2.0, was already spoiled on the possession angle (I spoiled myself, no big), and had just @erickgage‘s affectionate joking summary of Thancred being the guy who shows up 5 minutes late with Starbucks to all the early battles. So I didn’t really get to meet the guy ‘til the Waking Sands.

And honestly, he was stereotypical generic bland anime prettyboy competent guy. His 1.0/ARR model is…just sorta there. He was a flirt, also generic as heck. Really didn’t register too much, until I finished 2.0 finally and then went hard on the MSQ through the patches and into HW and StB 4.0, when I finally caught up to content.

Impression now: Godsdammit.

My first replay through the game was on PunchyCat, starting in Ul’dah, which meant I got to meet Thancred much earlier. I was immediately amused by his nickname for Nanamo, and Papashan’s assessment of the witty Archon. I was more into the lore, getting the first lorebook and reading the short stories on the main site, and playing through all at once instead of piecemeal over months/years made things make more sense. Thancred hits a lot of tropes I commonly like in a lot of characters, so he jumped up to being a favorite.

Gunbreaker suits him as a tank job (thank goodness he can stop trying to tank warmachina as a rogue, ffs Thancred), and tanking in general suits him when it comes to fighting for those he cares about.

I’m interested in the ShB story mentioning why he wears white in all his gear iterations; I’d previously made a post about his color choices and that aspect of character design, but having a lore explanation for his affinity for that color was interesting. I didn’t think his HW model suited him, honestly; way too rough mountain man hobo. His model in ShB is closer to his ARR model, but different enough, and imbued now with actual character, that he’s a bit more visually interesting and while still pretty typical handsome anime protagonist in appearance; his true personality just comes through a lot more.

I’m still forever mad about the unintentional character ‘ship with Aeryn, tho. It took a 3rd playthrough for it to happen.

For myself, mind, when I got into playing and learned his canonical age, it was at the time the same difference between myself and my younger brother. My assessment of the Scion “family” with Thancred being the middle child (esp his behavior pre-HW) maybe helps that. I’m getting to a point, really, where I look at the characters under 35 and think “OMG disaster children, all of you.”

Favorite moment: Oh goodness. There’s some good ones.

‘How was I supposed to know all my girlfriends would track me down and show up at HQ all at the same time: a master class in how to not to deal with multiple paramours by Archon T. Waters.’

His dramatic reappearance and duel with Ardbert in HW 3.1.

Taking out his frustrations by soloing the Coerthas cyclops boss so we can get on with the Tournament and fight Raubahn. (Side Bonus: pre-tournament when he jokes about fighting for the other team to even up the odds, and then: “It looks to be a veritable who’s who of the Eorzean Alliance. The only question is: who came to watch and who came to fight? Hmm…Nanamo. Definitely Nanamo.”)

Making sure Urianger knew he was still part of the team post-Soul Surrender climax.

“All right, which one of you triggered the obvious trap?” Also learning he can hold his breath for 10 freaking minutes–but still gets to be jealous of the WoL, Lyse, and Alisaie for their kojin blessing.

That dramatic teamwork with Urianger to knock Ran’jit down the pit in Rak’tika.

That frickin’ Trolley duty and it’s aftermath with the completed checklist of anime death markers and then just sitting there battered and bleeding and smiling and then giving Ryne a name and a headpat and “You’re family.” Bastard.

Idea for a story: Have you seen my Ao3 account? *grumbles*

Unpopular opinion: While he likely used drinking as a bad coping mechanism at times in ARR’s patches, I doubt he ever really went to blackout, as losing control to that extent, after having been controlled and probably losing a lot of time while possessed, would be awful. We see him drink a few times, but I don’t think he is/was an alcoholic.

I also agree with @ahlis-xiv that his flirtatious persona was mostly adopted. While he probably does have a healthy libido and enjoys time with paramours (that Urianger keeps a handy list of), there’s a lot that’s likely exaggerated, allowed to be assumed, and otherwise used as a cover, given his specializations. It’s also noteworthy how he’s mostly acting the same even after being lost in the wilderness, right up until our foray into the Antitower. The wit/humor gets toned down a lot, but the flirting is cut out entirely after that. He still charms some ladies in the First, based on incidental dialogue, but that seems a general reaction to him being a handsome hero type rather than any intentional flirtatious act on his part.

Favorite relationship: Thancred and little sister types. I do wish we’d seen more of his relationship with Minfilia outside of informed moments and the short stories. I feel like he has a semi-older-brother relationship with Lyse, too, given their antics in the 2.0 patches (particularly the “Hoary’s fighting the WoL, come watch!” and Thancred not even considering how one of his girlfriends would see him sending Lyse to retrieve an item until after and going “oh yeah, whoops”). And now there’s Ryne, and she is totally running things if you watch their background conversations/body language. But that’s kind of where Thancred likes it; find a girl who needs a protective older brother and do what she asks and whatever she needs.

I do have a special place in my heart for the expanded broship with Urianger that Shadowbringers gave us, though. I’ve already spoken on that one.

Favorite headcanon: Everything people assume about how he spoils the nutkin. And really, focusing on taking care of and doting on a pet would be good therapy. Goodness knows he needs it.

Also I assume he and Hilda hooked up at least once during the HW patches. Part of that expectation and cover, sure, to immediately flirt with the pretty, tough, half-elezen guard captain. But also, he spent however long mostly alone, and then only with the Vath and a nutkin for company; the guy was probably touch-starved and lonely and just needing a connection to another person he could relate to (that wasn’t a bug).

Otherwise, again, have you seen my Ao3? Ugh. Damned snarky smart rogues…

————

Lahabrea

First impression: Laughing Organization XIII-wannabe is obvious villain. Wonder what their deal is.

Impression now: So much lost/wasted potential thanks to being stuck as the ARR villain when it was so hastily rewritten and acted, and so little was decided on the Ascians and their motivations yet. A lot of what we learn now retroactively makes him more interesting. The fact he was a workaholic who looked at the workaholic Scion and went “ah yes; that one will do, perfect” makes me laugh.

Favorite moment: I like his interactions with Elidibus. And I am actually fairly fond of his theatrical reveal in Praetorium about the Ultima Weapon, the Heart of Sabik, and casting Ultima.

Idea for a story: Maybe stuff while he’s possessing Thancred. Maybe stuff between then and the Reactor. I dunno; I’ve been enjoying a lot of others’ stories about our first Ascian antagonist.

Unpopular opinion: Dunno if this is unpopular, but some of the retroactive information is to excuse why he seemed so much less powerful than other, later Ascians, but I do think the Speaker could be quite devious and powerful, if he had better writing around him. He suffers for being from ARR.

Favorite relationship: I am not ashamed to admit I am a Lahabrea/Igeyorhm shipper and Hades Ex seems to agree with me so there.

Favorite headcanon: The Speaker likely also had a good singing voice. Another thing good about possessing a man whose primary cover was a bard–excuses to indulge that.

————

Igeyorhm

First impression: Wannabe-Organization XIII also hires women, cool. Wonder if she’ll get to do anything?

Impression now: I’m sad so much got cut from HW; as great as it was, a lot got left on the editing room floor and it shows in spots–particularly where the Ascians connect with the plot. We learn much about her retroactively as well, including how she worked for/with Lahabrea thanks to being the one to wreck the Thirteenth, and change Ascian policy on how to bring about Rejoinings. I still wanna know more about her.

Favorite moment: You beat the whale, good job–thanks, that’s my key now. It’s such a perfect dick move. Excellent timing and taunting. 

Idea for a story: Maybe some of her inner thoughts working for/with Lahabrea. She was a raised up shard, so does that mean they found the scattered pieces of her original soul and force-merged them? I doubt it, since Emet-Selch mentions raising up those who are a piece of the previous office holder, but I wonder if it came with imbuing the new title-holder with some of those memories and knowledge. Perhaps she wonders if some of her interactions/feelings/whatever with Lahabrea are her own, or her tapping into her previous life’s memories. Something to think about, anyway.

Unpopular opinion: I dunno, she shoulda gotten to stick around longer? Or been allowed to do a lot more? Should have been much more of a presence in HW, but I don’t think that’s unpopular so much as unconsidered.

Favorite relationship: Lahabrea is really the only one she gets significant interactions with. Though I wonder about her interactions with the other few women in the Ascians.

Favorite headcanon: See above with the story ideas, really; she didn’t get a lot of time onscreen so there’s a lot of room to make things up, and retroactive info from ShB to make her more interesting, or at least her situation as an upraised Ascian.

[shnuggletea]

2019 Fanfiction Year in Review

Tagged by the ever so lovely @moonlightusa here is my response to this assignment you gave me. I seriously had flashbacks to high school with this lol!

1. List of fics completed this year:

Okay seriously, I’ve done too much this past year in writing I guess. Here it is in order.

Poisoned Mind

Arranged Love

MamoUsaWeek2019: It’s Her Eyes, Now What?, Benched, Poppin, Jivin, Never Endin

Benefits Gone Wrong (co-authored with @darkenedhrt101)

Seven Month Itch

Vegas Baby!

Urban Legends: Bunny Man

Haunted Embrace (Gift Exchange 2019)

How Water Shapes the Earth (HaruMich Fluff Fest)

Whew I’m winded from writing down that list.

2. Number of words written:

This year for fanfiction...good god. Got to get out the calculator hold on a minute...oh jeez. I don’t know if I should share this, it’s a bit embarrassing. Okay so not including works I started last year and haven’t quite finished I’m at 551,899 words. So that means I probably wrote close to a million words last year since that doesn’t include the originals that I worked on/finished. Hamduallah I still have my fingers.

3. Your most popular fic this year:

I don’t really think any of my fics are ‘popular’ to be honest. The one that was more popular than I expected was Vegas Baby. I’m not sure what equates popularity, some go by review or follow/fave numbers. For me, it’s a combination. The type of reviews and what they say plus the number of follow/faves. That one took me by surprise how many really liked it.

4. Your personal favorite this year:

Man, that’s like asking me to pick my favorite child. Not that I put my writing at that level, I love my kid waaaaay more. Not sure how to decide a favorite among them though!! I guess I’d have to say Haunted Embrace. It was fun and also in the Sil Mil with is a fave of mine to write about. Although, it may not seem that way since I have 0 other than it set in that arch currently lol.

5. Your favourite scene:

Omg, you’re killing me smalls. Sigh. This is another tough one, I have a lot of faves. Okay in my work, the first one that comes to mind is from Enchanted when Serenity tells Mamoru goodbye before he heads off to war. Her innocence in giving him a lock of hair and how he treasures it from that point on just hits me in the feels. 

From other’s works, Blind Faith by @angelmoongirl when Mamoru shows up to give Usagi her first lesson without her sight and she rips into him about his parents. Oh man, tears. Because she is hurting and you know she doesn’t mean it or understand and he just responds back just as cold. Heartbreaking in the best way. My Ex, Your Crush by @darkenedhrt101 when Mamoru tells Usagi it’s not a game to him, not anymore and she tells him she feels the same way?? Pretty sure my eyes turned into those annoying hearts and stayed that way for a damn hour. Thanks. Her Eyes by @goligolak when we get a little jelly Mamoru? Why do we like that? What is it about a possessive side showing from a normally cool and calm man that just makes our engines revving? Mmmmm. Royal Affairs by @master-ray5 I can’t say what my favorite scene is because it’s a spoiler. But just know, I love it when the author misdirects you only to twist you back around at the end. You’re mad but not for long. A true “oh you little bugger” moment. Divinity Series by @nebelflecke when Gaia shows her powers to the Prince of Earth? God, she is such a badass I LOVE IT! There are scenes that I love from @sailormoonserenity489 as well but they aren’t published yet. The scene inside the bookstore for the nightmare fic you’re working on? So dark and beautiful, I love it. I can smell the dust from the books when I read it. Those are the scenes written THIS YEAR that I loved save for @nebelflecke because she has written for that fic this year but I’m so behind on the series, I haven’t gotten to it yet.

6. A fic or scene that challenged you?

The scene in Poisoned Mind where Mamoru finds Usagi dead. It killed me to hurt him like that and I had to dig a little inside myself and my own sorrow from death to get it right. That was rough. I had to step away for a few days after I got it all down. I wrote to where he brings her back before I stopped so I could sleep at night though.

7. A line of writing you’re proud of?

“It was an accident. I lost my parents and my memories of them. So...in truth, I lost them completely. The most you can lose a person, their death in your reality and in your imagination." "Like with us." His face changed into what she could only guess was confusion, having never seen the look on his face towards her before. "Huh?" "We died and forgot. Twice." There were hands on her, pulling her and she met something hard...and soft at the same time. Mamoru was holding her, tight. With his arms around hers, she couldn't move them, to hold him in return or push him away. He wasn't giving her a choice in this.

-Now What? 

I know the whole ‘story’ of Mamoru’s sad past has been done many times over. But the reason I’m proud of this scene is that it wasn’t intentional. I was just writing what made sense with the flow of the scene and their relationship. Just by doing that, it inspired fanart. I never expected that and it was the first time someone took my words and made it into a visual. A very pretty visual by @iamcharlotte that is also the cover art for the fic. 

8.  A comment that touched you:

I wouldn’t say this one touched me because that would be a little creepy but it still makes me laugh when I so much as think about it. And a little proud of myself too if I’m being honest. 

“Boy, you ruin my undies. This was really good.”

This wasn’t posted by a guest but in case they don’t want their name and ruined undies broadcasted on Tumblr, I’m not including the name of the reviewer lol. This is no way means I didn’t love or feel touched by any of my other reviews. You guys are awesome. Thank you for the love.

9. Something that inspired your writing this year:

Music. Always, always music. And reading. Really I can’t read or watch something without getting inspired. It’s why I don’t do a whole lot of either unless forced (aka hubby wants to watch something with me). Even my kid’s shows tend to have scenes for stories running through my brain. It’s nice except I worry I’ll still have things ‘to write’ left untouched when I die.

10. Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc)

I’d have to say my first fully completed challenge. MamoUsaWeek this year really tested me because I stupidly thought it started a week later than it did. There was no prep or time to write beforehand, everything was written the day of. Which explains a lot I’m sure lol. But I still got them done and I’m really proud of that.

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

Oh god. YES! I have fics to finish and start posting (seriously posting is the WORST part in my book. I’d have someone else do it for me if I could.) And then fics I need to finish before I can post them. I plan to get my manuscript out to some publishers and see if that goes anywhere and if it doesn’t, self publish again. And I need to finish my other originals, like yesterday, and start querying publishers. Also, I started writing Inuyasha fanfics so once they are betaed, we’ll see how life is outside the SM fandom. 

I guess it’s a bit clique and overdone but honestly out of everything I’m proud of the fandom as a whole. My year here has been one of surprise, failure, and celebration. There were moments when we all pulled together and showed our strength as a group and times things fell flat. But all in all, I’m so happy with where I am in the fandom and thankful for all of you that follow me here or on ff. Thank you to everyone that has shown your support however you could.

Alright, this was fun but a bear. So I’m tagging all my betas and must-read writers for this one. You must all complete this report as I did!!! @darkenedhrt101 @master-ray5 @nebelflecke @angelmoongirl @sailormoonserenity489 @goligolak @knowall7k @beautymercurydragon good luck to you my friends!

[purpleswans1]

Izuku’s Feud with the Yakuza

Another addition to my Villain!Izuku AU. For Villain Month day 11. The prompt is redemption, but I think I used the prompt very liberally... BTW this is the second time I’ve posted this section, I wasn’t able to format the original correctly, and my computer complained every time I tried to edit it to add links.

Read also on FF and AO3

It all started with what was supposed to be an easy robbery.

Izuku had noticed a certain casino with an unusual security system. He’d suspected that it had some less-than-legal activities going on behind closed doors, but didn’t consider the implications of that until it was too late.

A couple of days before they planned to rob the casino, Toga had stealthily extracted blood from a random businessman. It was just a small syringe, small enough that the target wouldn’t notice what the girl who bumped into him was doing, but large enough to get the blood Toga would need for 2 hours of transformation.

Now, Toga was walking towards the seedy casino disguised as the businessman, pretending that she was stressed and wanted to gamble.

“Just got my paycheck, now all I need is to play the odds and I’ll get enough to retire!” She gruffly told the man in line behind her.

“I thought I told her to stay inconspicuous,” Izuku said even though there was no way for Toga to hear him. “We don't want them to notice anything is different, and we definitely don’t want them paying attention to her.”

“She’ll be fine,” Uraraka insisted. “Toga’s used to this kind of stuff.”

“I know, I know.” Izuku said. “Just remind me to get her some inconspicuous communication device for her to wear so I can give her instructions when she’s on missions like this.”

Dabi raised his eyebrows. “You mean like a cell phone? We’re already using that.”

He was right. The audio Izuku was currently hearing came from Toga’s phone, which she had called Izuku with before they started. Izuku’s phone was currently on mute.

“I mean like an earpiece,” Izuku explained. “I may make one hidden as an earring, but I’d prefer one that was either invisible or flesh-colored.”

Around that time, Toga wandered into the casino and started to scope out the place. Izuku had told her to find the security room, where all the security and bank information would be. There wasn’t a door directly in the back, but there was a side door that wasn’t as well decorated as the other doors, so she decided to start with that one.

The door opened to stairs leading down. Toga followed the stairs to the bottom, where she saw a crowd of people surrounding a large metal cage. She couldn’t see what was going on, but there were a lot of growling sounds. To the side, she saw several dogs packed into too-small cages, covered in matted fur, flees, and blood.

Poor puppies. They look so cute covered in blood, but they also look miserable, Toga thought. I’ll ask Izuku if I could release them as a distraction.

On the other side of the room, she saw another door. None of the patrons where passing through it, but she did see a security guard use a keycard to open it.

Bingo.

Near a side wall, Toga found a broom closet. She grabbed one of the brooms and went to linger in the shadows on one side. After a few minutes, another security guard came her way.

As soon as he’d passed her, Toga hit him on the head with the broom handle. Swiftly, she caught the unconscious guard and dragged him into the broom closet, shutting the door behind her.

It was a cramped, dark space, but at least it was private.

She pulled out her phone to give Izuku and update. “I’ve knocked out one of the security guards. I’ll take some of his blood and his security card, which should let me in the back room.”

On his end, Izuku turned off mute. “Good job. Find some way to clear out the room, then put us on speaker.”

“I will,” She confirmed.

Toga emptied the contents of her fake-clothes pockets, including a trusty pocket knife. She used the knife to make a small cut in the guard’s arm. Several drops of blood decorated the cut, and she was quick to lap them up.

A few moments later, Toga left the broom closet, now looking like a security guard in this place. She easily slipped the security card in the slot and opened the door to a room filled with computers.

Two other security guards were watching monitors in the room. Well, no big deal.

Toga pretended to be relieved. “I’m so glad I found you guys! The boss is upstairs, he wants to speak to you.”

The two others looked up with wide eyes. “Overhall is here?” one asked.

Toga had no idea who that was, but nodded anyway.

The other security guard stood up. “Come on Kaname, I’ll show you to the private rooms. I only hope that he’s in a forgiving mood.”

Once the two had left the room, Toga sat down at one of the monitors and pulled out her phone.

“Okay Izuku, you’re on speaker,” she said after putting it on speaker.

“Good. Put the flashdrive I gave you in any of the desktops. If there are multiple computers there, you may have to try several, but I’ll be able to check each of them individually.”

Toga took the flashdrive out and did as she was asked. Shortly afterwards, the mouse on her monitor started moving on its own, bypassing passwords and opening programs all over the place.

Izuku’s tech skills are really great, Toga thought.

Eventually, Izuku spoke through the phone once again. “Okay, I’ve found the accounts. Let me just transfer the money, shouldn’t take more than a minute. By the way, do you know anything about these “kennels” that have cameras?”

“Oh, that must be for the doggies being kept here. That reminds me, can I try to free them as a distraction before I get away?”

“Did you say that there are dogs being kept there?” Uraraka asked. “Why would they…”

“They were all covered in blood, but looked really miserable. Can I, Izuku?” Toga asked again.

“Dogfighting,” Izuku said. He sounded like he was seething, something she’d only seen him do around Shigaraki before. “That’s what they’re doing behind closed doors. Don’t worry Toga, we’ll help the dogs escape. I think I can unlock their cages from here.”

“Yay!” Toga said. She spun around in her chair, which led to her eyes catching something on the floor in the corner of the room. “Hey guys? I think I found a safe.”

“What kind of safe is it?” Izuku asked.

Toga walked over to the safe and kneeled down. “Just a standard turning dial. Should I try to open it?”

“Leave it. We don’t know the combination, and I don’t want you to make noise trying to break it.”

Toga looked at a little slip of yellow she saw on the side of the safe. “There’s a sticky note here with the number 5, 15, 25 on it.”

“...In that case, go ahead and try it.”

Toga tried it. The safe opened.

“Well, there’s a few stacks of cash in here, as well as a gun with amo. Want me to take it all?”

“Wow, yeah, please do.”

Toga grabbed an empty briefcase from the floor and started shoving the money in it. “You got it, Izuku.”

“Good. Okay, the money has finished transferring. I’m going to open the kennels in a moment. Get the flashdrive, get out quickly, and take the long way to our hideout. Got it?”

Toga closed the briefcase, stood up, and grabbed her phone. “Got it.”

Outside the door, she could hear the clang of metal, followed by loud barks and screams. She pulled out the flashdrive and calmly power-walked out of the casino. When she passed the broom closet, she stealthily dropped the access card so her victim could find it later.

She got away scot-free, or so they thought.

--------

The next day, Izuku pulled out the new gun and ammo Toga had brought back. He wanted to sit on their new funds for a couple of days, but Toga had demanded a present for completing the job, so he gave her some cash to go shopping. Spinner had decided to join her and get some fresh air. Dabi had gone out to find another place they could make their hideout, since Izuku didn’t want to stay in someplace that All For One technically owned any longer than necessary. The only people still in the hideout were Uraraka and Izuku.

Izuku studied the gun. It was very similar to what he was used to: semi-automatic pistol with 12 in the clip and 1 in the chamber. The bullet size wasn’t the 9mm he used with his usual gun, so he’d have to keep a couple on hand to compare when he restocked. Still, there were enough in the box that once he’d loaded the clip half the box was still left.

He pushed the clip in and made sure the safety was on before walking away with the gun. “Uraraka, I’m going to shoot in the basement,” he shouted to the only other person in the house.

Uraraka looked up from the computer she’d been watching videos on. “Oh, okay. Want me to come with you?”

Izuku shook his head. “It’ll be loud, and all I’m doing is shooting at tin cans. Not the most interesting training, to be honest.”

Uraraka shrugged. “If you say so.”

Izuku descended the steps to the basement. He wasn’t sure why this particular warehouse had a basement, especially one this big, but he was grateful for it. The basement stretched out far beyond the boundaries of the building and probably even several blocks, giving Izuku a long concrete tunnel that suited him just fine as a shooting gallery.

He’d already set up makeshift targets from old tin cans about 10 feet from the entrance, so all he had to do was aim and shoot.

Bang!

The first bullet missed, significantly to the right of the target. Izuku was about to shoot another round, but he noticed some discoloration on the ground where the bullet hit.

He walked up to the target. The trajectory of the bullet was marked by a deep read, similar to blood. The bullet had traveled quite a distance, but it wasn’t hard for Izuku to find it on the ground several feet from the target. The bullet had split along the sides and squished on impact, opening up like a metallic flower.

Along the splits, Izuku found a thick, red liquid.

It it is blood, Toga will be able to tell.

Izuku decided to store the bullet in a plastic bag so Toga could look at it later. He was walking up the stairs to store it when he heard a loud noise from upstairs.

Izuku ran up to see what was going on.

Two men were standing in the entranceway, having thrown the front door off its hinges. They were both wearing plague masks. One was a large wall of muscles with long white hair. The other had black hair, but didn’t look particularly imposing. Izuku knew enough about the world of villains to know the smaller man was probably the greater threat, especially with his air of superiority.

Uraraka was standing in front of the unexpected guests. “What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded. “Who do you think you are?”

The smaller man spoke first. “I am Overhaul, the leader of the Eight Precepts of Death.”

Izuku had heard that name before and laughed. “The Yakuza? Come on, you don’t seriously think anyone is scared of you gangsters anymore!”

Overhaul’s eyes jumped to Izuku and narrowed. “You’re going to regret that. We originally came for retribution and to return the items you stole from our casino, but now you’ve insulted our honor.”

Izuku only rolled his eyes and laughed harder. “You really need to increase your security there, by the way. A sticky note with the lock combination right next to the safe? Really?”

Overhaul turned to his companion. “Kendo, teach him a lesson.”

Kendo, the larger man, nodded. “Sure thing, boss.”

Kendo took off running towards Izuku, but he only took a couple of steps before Uraraka flew towards him and knocked him back. Her air-powered jet shoes shot both her and Kendo into the opposite wall.

Izuku was glad he’d gotten her into the habit of wearing her support equipment all the time, even when resting.

A single hand hold followed by throwing the large man into the air ensured that Uraraka had the upper hand in the fight. It was hard for people with physical quirks to attack with zero gravity.

“Tck,” Overhaul turned to Izuku again. “I’ll just do it myself then.” He then took off running towards Izuku.

Shit, Izuku realized. I have no idea what their quirks are.

He turned and led his attacker to the other side of the room. Overhaul followed, gradually gaining distance. Considering how much Izuku had trained this was rather impressive, but not impressive enough to be his quirk.

When Overhaul was a few seconds from touching Izuku, he snagged Toga’s favorite pillow from a nearby bed and blocked Overhaul’s touch with it.

The pillow scattered into a million fragments, feathers and threads flying everywhere and hindering both fighter’s views. Izuku took the opportunity to jump on top of a table and climb up a shelf just out of Overhaul’s reach.

It’s a good thing he did, since a few seconds later the pillow miracuously came together again.

“Ah, so that’s how your quirk works,” Izuku said. “You’re able to deconstruct and reconstruct things you touch, correct?”

Overhaul glared at Izuku. “Yes, but you should know that’s not my only trick.”

Quick as a flash, Overhaul pulled a gun out of his jacket and fired at Uraraka. Right after impact, she fell.

“URARAKA!”

“Don’t worry, she should recover with time.” Overhaul said.

Izuku didn’t care. He’d forgotten until now, but he was still holding the new gun. Without thinking, he fired it at Overhaul.

It missed the heart by a wide margin, but still hit the Yakuza boss’s side.

Overhaul winced in pain, but surged forward to touch the shelf Izuku was standing on.

Nothing happened.

Overhaul raised his eyebrows. “Oh? So you’re already using those bullets?”

Izuku had no idea what he was talking about, but pretended he did and said, “Yes. They’re very useful.”

Overhaul gave Izuku a calculating gaze.

“Oi! What happened here? Get away from my friends!”

A flash of blue flames shot across the room and forced Overhaul to back away.

Dabi was standing in the destroyed entranceway, looking as effortlessly casual as usual.

Overhaul’s eyes shifted between Izuku, Uraraka (who had started to stand up again), Dabi, and Kendo. He must have realized he’d lost the advantage.

“Kendo, we’re leaving.”

“But Boss, I wanted to rough them up more!” Kendo said.

“You’ll get another chance,” Overhaul said, “But for now, we have more important things to do.”

Izuku couldn’t resist the urge to snort.

Overhaul gave him one last look. “You’re getting away with it now, but don’t you dare consider stealing from the Eight Precepts of Death again. You will regret it.”

He then turned and led Kendo out the door, brushing shoulders with Dabi on the way out.

Once they were out of sight, Izuku climbed down from the shelf.

“I’m gone for a few hours and you guys manage to get in a fight,” Dabi said. “Seriously, who were those thugs?”

“The Eight Precepts of Death, the Yakuza organization that owned the casino from yesterday,” Izuku explained.

Dabi sighed. “Only you could accidentally piss off he Yakuza. I thought those organizations had lost power with the age of quirks?”

“You and me both,” Izuku walked over where Uraraka was clutching her calf. “How bad is it?”

“Not bad, at least, I think.” Uraraka said, biting her lip “It’s just a graze, but something still feels off…” She leaned down and touched her shoes. “My quirk… It’s not getting lighter. I think my quirk stopped working!”

Izuku frowned. That was worrying, but might explain why Overhaul wasn’t able to finish the job after Izuku shot him. If the bullets these Yakuza used were the same as the ones Toga picked up yesterday, then Overhaul must have lost his quirk when Izuku shot him. The fact that Overhaul didn’t seem too worried about this meant that Uraraka was probably going to be okay eventually.

“Come on, let’s get that bandaged up.” Izuku lead her over to the couch. “Dabi, did you find a new place?”

“Yeah, there’s an old house for sale about 10 minutes from here. It’s not in the best shape, but should only cost us about half of what we got from the casino job,” Dabi explained. “I guess you want to move sooner rather than later?”

“Yes. I’ll move the money through a couple of dummy accounts to make sure they can’t trace it, but we should be able to buy the new place by this evening.” Izuku said, pulling out some bandages to wrap up Uraraka’s leg.

“Well, you should make sure they can’t track us there with whatever they used to find us here,” Dabi said. He noticed the box of bullets on the table. “Hey, are those from yesterday?”

Izuku looked at what Dabi was talking about. “Yes. I was trying out the gun this morning, but I’m starting to think there’s something special about those bullets.”

Dabi emptied the box onto the table. Bullets rolled around the table and fell on the floor, but Dabi was only interested in the empty box.

He shoved the empty bullet box under Izuku’s nose. “Doesn’t that look like an electronic tracker?”

A small red light was blinking at the bottom of the box. There wasn’t much encasing it, but it should be enough for a little circuitry.

Izuku scowled. “You’re right. Do me a favor and destroy it?”

A puff of blue flames later and it was done.

------

Izuku had planned a while ago on meeting with a local support gear supplier to refill Uraraka’s air canisters, order more syringes for Toga, and get more bullets for himself. However, the morning after they moved hideouts he didn’t start the meeting with any of those requests.

Instead, he slapped a wad of cash on the table. “I’ll give you all this right now if you can tell me the location of the Eight Precepts of Death’s headquarters.

The supplier raised an eyebrow, but was more than happy to provide that information.

----------

“You know, all this sneaking around is more of Toga’s thing,” Dagi said. “Why didn’t we bring her?”

“She wanted to look after Uraraka,” Izuku reminded him. “Besides, we shouldn’t need her quirk for this.”

About a week after the confrontation with Overhaul in the old warehouse, Uraraka had gotten her quirk back but still wasn’t in fighting shape. Izuku would never say how relieved he was when she made her blanket float by accident, but getting shot in the leg would put her out of condition for a while longer. Toga had felt so guilty for not checking for trackers when she brought stuff home, so she’d gone above and beyond to make Uraraka’s recovery as comfortable as possible.

Izuku, though, had thrown himself into getting revenge on the Eight Precepts of Death and Overhaul. A few innocent questions to the local small-time villains and Izuku had gathered plenty of information on both the major members and their business practices. Apparently they were trying to dominate the underground again using drugs that enhanced and removed quirks, and held a monopoly on both quirk enhancers and the quirk-erasing bullets.

To be honest, it kind of reminded Izuku of how All For One had maintained a stranglehold on villain society for so many years by taking and giving quirks as he saw fit. Izuku knew how much power that could potentially bring, and wanted to make sure the Yakuza couldn't keep it.

Or, better yet, he wanted to take it for himself.

That was why Dabi, Spinner, and Izuku were here now, sneaking into the Eight Precepts of Death’s compound. Toga had given all three of them training on hiding their presence, so they should be able to slip in undetected and destroy the supply of drugs and special bullets. Hopefully they'd get some critical manufacturing equipment as well. Even better, Izuku was hoping to take pictures of their bullet-making process so he could reverse-engineer it.

Spinner, who had been crawling on the ceiling until now, dropped down in front of Izuku and Dabi. “There’s a door to the left,” he whispered.

Izuku nodded. “Let’s check it out.”

Just around the corner where spinner had said, Izuku found a closed door. It wasn’t locked. He opened it, but what he saw made him stop in his tracks.

It was a little girl’s room. Izuku had expected to find a stockpile of weapons, drugs, or the labs they’d use to make those things. Instead, he saw a rainbow painting, dolls strewn all over the floor, and a pink bed.

On the bed, a little girl with a horn looked at Izuku with fear in her eyes.

“A-are you… Is he…” The girl was trembling, but tried to voice her question. “Does he need to unmake and remake me again?”

Unmake and remake? Izuku wondered. That sounds like Overhaul’s quirk...

Suddenly, what she was saying clicked in Izuku’s mind.

“Dabi, Spinner, go on ahead. Take pictures of anything you think I’d be interested in, and destroy any stockpiles you can find.” He said.

Izuku heard the two of them leave, but didn’t take his eyes off the girl. He walked slowly towards her, holding out his hand.

“Don’t worry, I’m not with Overhaul,” he said. “My name’s Izuku, what’s yours?”

The girl looked at his hand wearily and didn’t move. Eventually, her quiet voice said, “I’m Eri.”

Izuku gave her a comforting smile. “Hello Eri. Do you mind if I sit next to you?”

Eri did not respond, so Izuku went ahead and sat on the bed.

“Does Overhaul unmake and remake you a lot?” he asked.

Eri looked down at her hands, but eventually nodded.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m sure it must be painful.” Izuku reached a comforting hand out and gave her a one-armed hug.

Surprisingly, Eri didn’t flinch. She actually started to lean into his arm some more.

“Do you want to leave here?”

Eri looked up at Izuku in surprise. “I.. Can I leave?”

Izuku gave her a comforting smile. “If you want, I can take you away from here. There’s already five people in one house so it might not be as comfortable as you’re used to, but at least Overhaul won’t hurt you anymore.”

Eri clutched his hand, holding onto it with more strength than he thought her small body could muster. Her eyes were wide with hope. “Please, please, please! I don’t want to be unmade anymore!” She was on the edge of sobbing.

Izuku held her close, shushing her. Looking at Eri, he couldn’t help but remember when he was young and All For One had just taken him in. Did he tremble in fear as much as Eri?

No, he probably hadn’t. All For One hadn’t been actively torturing him.

Izuku tightened her arms around Eri and lifted her off the bed. She was so light, Izuku suspected she’d been malnourished.

“Try to be quiet,” he whispered. “I don’t want anyone to notice what I’m doing.”

Eri nodded and put a finger to her lips, the universal symbol for “quiet.”

And so, Izuku walked out of the Eight Precepts of Death’s facility with a little girl in tow, leaving Dabi and Spinner to destroy the drugs and bullets.

For some reason, they weren’t able to find the process to make quirk-destroying bullets.

---------

“Aw, aren’t you the cutest thing!” Uraraka squealed at the sight of Eri.

Dabi, on the other hand, gave Izuku a hard look. “Izuku, why did you have to take her home?”

Izuku rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

“Aw, Dabi, you’re just jealous that she’s so cute!” Toga said.

“Umm…” Eri fidgeted with her nightgown. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a burden…”

“No, no, no you’re not a burden!” Uraraka said. “Dabi’s just being a stick in the mud. By the way, it doesn't look like Izuku brought any of your clothes with you. Would you like to get some new clothes?”

Eri fiddled with her nightgown some more. “If you want.”

“Hm… you can’t go to the store in that nightgown…” Toga considered. “Oh, I’ve got it! Eri, come with me real quick.”

Toga led the tiny girl up the stairs to the bedrooms.

Once the girl was out of earshot, Izuku turned to Dabi. “Overhaul has been using his quirk on her. Regularly destroying her body and putting it back together. I couldn’t leave here there.”

“I see,” Dabi suddenly turned away from Izuku. “Well, there’s also the fact that she’s a kid growing up in the ‘care’ of a villain organization…”

“Dabi!” Uraraka hissed.

Izuku couldn’t figure out what they were implying, but before he could ask Toga returned with Eri.

“Ta-da!” Toga said, showing off Eri dressed in a black t-shirt that was so much bigger than her it worked like a dress.

Izuku recognized the design. “Isn’t that my shirt?”

“Well, you’re not using it right now,” Uraraka said. “Besides, it looks so much better than that ratty nightgown.”

Eri shuffled over to Uraraka, apparently to show off her clothes. Something made her trip and hit Urarak’s hurt leg.

“Ugh!” Uraraka grunted in pain from the impact.

Eri immediately jumped back. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

“Oh, no, it’s fine sweety,” Uraraka assured her, sitting up from the couch. “It was an accident, after all…”

Uraraka froze. Something was different. She unwrapped the bandages around her leg. The wound was completely gone.

Somehow, Eri’s bump had healed her.

“Wow Eri! You have a healing quirk?” Toga asked.

“N-no, that’s not it.” Eri was trembling again. “It’s dangerous. I ‘rewind’ people, and it can make people completely disappear by accident…”

“Well, that just means you need to learn to control it,” Uraraka said.

Eri was close to tears now. “But I can’t control it. The only person who can control it is Overhaul, when he uses me to cleanse the world of quirks…”

Izuku’s breath caught. Is she saying…?

Swiftly, Izuku kneeled down so he was eye level with her. “Eri, your quirk is your power, nobody else’s. Overhaul won’t touch you again, and I know you’ll figure out how to control it with time.”

“But… But what if I hurt someone?” Eri asked.

“We’ll be careful, and I’ll help you get a handle on it. Okay?” Izuku said, patting her on the head.

Eri still looked concerned, but didn’t protest.

“Hey Uraraka, since you’re doing better, how about you take Eri and Toga shopping? She needs clothes, after all.” Izuku said.

“Right! That’s a wonderful idea,” Uraraka said, bolting up off the couch. “Come on you two!”

“Yay! It's a girls-only outing!” Toga cheered, taking Eri’s hand and following Uraraka out the door.

With the girls gone, Dabi and Spinner went to their rooms to catch up on sleep. Izuku though, grabbed a particular gun and the corresponding bullets and walked down to the old hideout where his shooting gallery was still set up.

One by one, Izuku emptied clip after clip of the quirk-erasing bullets. They destroyed the cans and stained the whole place red, but Izuku just kept shooting until the last bullet made from a little girl’s suffering had been spent.

This was his redemption.

-------------

The next day, the Mustafu police force received an anonymous tip about the source of illegal quirk enhancing and erasing drugs. They forwarded this information to the Nighteye agency, where All Might’s successor was still interning. This prompted a raid on the Eight Precepts of Death’s facility, where the hero LeMillion defeated the villain Overhaul.

The public at large didn’t think too much of this, but Mirio and Sir Nighteye both thought it was too convenient, especially since none of the Yakuza and tried to use their quirk-erasing bullets. They asked to interrogate Overhaul about this, and the police granted their request.

“Someone took the child. My guess is that green-haired kid with a smart mouth, but I can’t say for sure,” Overhaul said in response to questioning.

"The child?" Mirio asked.

"What green-haired kid?" Nighteye asked instead.

Overhaul scratched the side of his face. "The girl is none of your concern, but if you must know she's the Boss's granddaughter. Now for the green-haired kid, he's apparently the leader of a new small-time group of villains. I don't know his name, and I wouldn't have even concerned myself with him if he hadn't stolen some quirk-erasing bullets from me. He didn't even seem to realize what he'd done, but still made himself a nuisance."

"You still haven't explained what this has to do with your lack of resources," Nighteye pressed.

Mirio want to ask about the girl again, but let his mentor take the lead.

"A few days ago someone broke into our facility and destroyed our entire stash of bullets and drugs. They burned them and scattered the ashes so even I couldn’t reonstruct them. They also took the only source I had for the quirk-erasing bullets. I investigated, and found out that some green-haired boy had been asking about our operations. His description matched someone I’d recently caught stealing from our legitimate businesses, so I planned to track him and his gang down, but you showed up first.”

“You say this boys took your source for the quirk-erasing bullets. Is it possible he’ll try to create his own?” Nighteye asked.

“I doubt it. But if he does, well, that’s your problem isn’t it?” Overhaul responded.

“Would you be willing to tell us what you know about the green-haired boy and his gang?” Mirio asked, “If nothing else, so we can save the girl.”

Overhaul gave Mirio a calculating stare for a few moments. “I’ve only seen three of them. I don’t know what the green-haired boy’s quirk is, but he is skilled with a pistol and has a deep understanding of the underworld and how it works. He’s got this brunette girl in his group, and her quirk somehow lets her and the people she’s fighting float. The last one I only saw a glimpse of, but his body was covered in burn scars that may have been because by his blue-flame quirk. Is that good enough for you?”

“It’s a decent start,” Nighteye said. “Mirio, let’s go.”

As they walked through the walls of Tartarus, Mirio turned to Nighteye. “Did you get enough information?”

“Not even close. Overhaul is definitely hiding something,” Nighteye pulled out his phone and started texting his sidekicks. “There’s a good chance we’ll learn more if we can find that green-haired kid and figure out if he really did destroy the stash and steal the source of those bullets.”

“And the girl?” Mirio asked.

“Again, we need to find the green-haired kid before we can judge.” Nighteye suddenly stopped, a look of shock on his face. “Mirio, did you notice how Overhaul started talking about the girl but quickly changed to talking about the source of the bullets?”

Mirio's heart sunk. “You think that’s because they’re the same thing?”

Nighteye started walking faster. “I don’t know for sure, but we have to find that green-haired boy.”

Unfortunately, the Nighteye Agency’s investigation on this matter proved fruitless for about a month. The most they got were a few rumors about a kid collecting support gear, but they never led anywhere.

That is, until a green-haired boy introduced himself and his friends to the world by attacking Endeavour.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Australia to Eurovision with the Statue of Liberty's opera number

It took 4 years for Australia to figure out one day, “you know what would improve our chances with the viewing audience that’s tired of bland and easily produced pop? That’s right, a GODDAMN NATIONAL FINAL!!!! anyone here agreeing, mates? ehhh???”. And so we finally had an Australia Decides - the whateverth of many of the NFs to be added to the NF family. Where only the best of the best Australian acts compete for their title to get to Eurovision. The last Australian NFs I’ve seen before then were fan-made NFs for online Eurovision fan contests. And they were fun, but now they’re not as fun anymore as a real life-sized counterpart, with shorter than 1 week voting periods, real live performances of totally new songs, all on the same arena, and actual hosts instead of the short but clear instructions of “here are the songs, here are the voting details”. Good times.

Rather exciting the show was, full of anything AND everything. And what did it birth? The first ever totally white Australian participant (nothing wrong with it, it’s just that other 4 ones were of more exciting descents than European), Kate Miller-Heidke. The surprisingly older-than-she-looks operatic blonde with a sizeable career to boot, with nice songs on her overall repertoir (and a chubby lil bun of a son :3). I admit I knew of her from one of those mentioned online fan contests, at the very time one of her songs “Sarah” was popular in a fan circle of like 150-200 people. Since then I heard two more of her songs, so when she (and Sheppard) were announced as part of the Australia Decides lineup, I was excited because of the “automatic name recognition alert!!!” triggering in my head. And I hoped her song is as exciting.

But then I did listen to “Zero Gravity”. And I got confused.

But then again, it’s Kate. I had this moment of realisation that I actually am not a huge fan of her music overall? Just a couple of songs here and there, and probably that’s all. The other ones that I listened to that aren’t those ‘couple of songs’ are nice, but something that I’d only listen to volutarily to torture my inner state of mind.

For me the problem probably arises from the fact that I don’t feel the song’s structure and a lot of things feel like unfinished (because it takes a humongously long time between songlines ksksksk). But at the same time it might as well be the point of the song?? As far as I remember this is very much so about mental issues and how is one trying to break free off them while entering the “ze-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeee-ro gra-a-a-a-a-a-aaaaaaa-vity”, and the “stone in shoe” thing (don’t you hate it when you find tiny-ass pebbles in your shoes, guys? cuz I do!!! let alone finding bigger sized ones like Kate just did!!!). Whatever’s keeping her down this time. But for some reason I don’t quite think that Eurovision has really been graced with great mental issue songs - Malta last year was just a cheap pop song stuck in the early 2010s with its dubstep sound; Romania last year was just an average teen sitcom background rock song, and it’s a shame about it being all that forgotten by others because I just happened to like it more and I feel for all those that feel depressed about their own existence and feel like saying “goodbye cruel world, I’ll see you never again anymore”. It feels odd not wanting to break the taboo before I become an animal or going where there’s zero gravity with these songs, yanno what I mean??

BUT! I didn’t say I hate that song. It has its qualities. Like, the verses are pretty decent, it’s just that the chorus feels completely detaching from my interest, which baffles me because I wanna like it more. We have these standard 00s mild-synthpop-like choruses and Kate’s blissful singing into your ear (ffs she starts her verses with “hey you” with THAT vocal sound. You don’t feel like turning up to her to ask “yes”??) on top of them, and then the chorus buildup feels like a helium balloon ride I wanna be let go of already. Alright, well, the 1st post-chorus doesn’t sound TOO bad... but the 2nd one, I’m not really a huge fan of it when she vocally warms up and then SPITS the opera vocals at me scarily. I’m spooked out. And then the last minute of the song is spent with sounding like it’s taken from a cheap-rent theatre play (I say ‘cheap’ because nothing here aside Kate’s voice sounds like OTT theatrical musicals to me), now with some more of delightful opera voice and the backings reminding us all that ain’t nothin’ holdin’ Kate down no’ mo’, ayy! The ending of the song is just so painfully obviously theatrical though, where all the horns rise up and let out a final blast with the final high vocal note like a flat silver-painted chocolate star on top of a dazzling white cinnamon-lemon cake with white glaze and some red berries sprinkled around... I guess I felt excited, I guess I felt like I was carried through a musical journey, but I still ended up completely unsatisfied because there were long pauses in the song that didn’t reasonate with me all that much. My soul really has something against songs that only have two verses and two choruses and that sound like they have potential but are overally unappealing (like me not getting over at how silly “Meggyfa” from A Dal 2018 sounds with all those horsefly and DAW-produced cartooney violins thrown in the song... it should have sounded like a fairytale about a king’s cherry tree, not a peasant’s made-up hallucination of an old and dried-out cherry bush :V). There shall be the day I overcome that obstacle, but for now, I’ll keep it be...

All in all, a competently composed, but at the same time, estrangedly composed song, performed by a classical fairy princess dressed in white and decorated by glitter (and her complementary backings that are cheerful enough sounding for a pop and/or tune). And the entry shines bright, too. As much as Kate’s beautiful teeth and shiny red lips - a perfect combo that could potentially scare an audience for being too perfect.

Approval factor: I’m on a fence with this one, yet again, but my views are leanings toward a mild non-approval. Though objectively I do approve this because it’s finally not a safe-ass entry that is just there to keep Australia afloat on Eurovision, but subjectively... it will take me several lightyears just to get over that severely cheap-ish chorus.

Follow-up factor: Again, it follows up the trail of Australia’s in Eurovision nicely, being so far something totally and completely unexpected from the nation’s, and something so daring in Eurovision overall (we got plain opera songs in the past, now here’s a more popera-musical crossover song that is not anyhow as schlagertastic as that one entry performed by Greta Thunberg’s mom 10 years ago!). A step in the right direction, even if it means that I am personally still inner screaming about it, lol.

Qualification factor: it’s perfectly capable of floating through a couple of places in the territory of both a safe qualification comfort and a hellish danger zone. I’ll leave it up for juries and televotes to judge it for themselves, but for me personally? If that pink foggy cloud from Greece underperforms with no chances to come back into a better shape, I think it could lend a spot to the Oz’s even-foggier thundercloud of joy, and it could even climb up higher if people aren’t overly charmed by the other game changers of the semifinal (like Iceland and Portugal, especially Portugal). But as of now, I guess I’m indifferent anyway the wind blows, and literally anything can happen. It’s truly one of those “anything can happen” songs, I assure you 100%, and it shall be fine, and any result for it will be perceived as spectacular, imo.

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

FYI, if y’all want, you can rewitness the whole show here (before SBS sues off that for copyright reasons), but let me guide you through some of my personal highlights:

• If you guys that ever read these reviews know of any other Sheppard song than “Geronimo” then it’s okay, and it’s also okay if you don’t (and if you even haven’t heard of “Geronimo”)! I’m just saying that these guys were the first ever exciting sight in the Australia Decides lineup (along with KMH of course), and now, I’m not saying I wanted something that could top over the hit song of these guys in my personal opinion (well their actual NF song, “On My Way”, might be slightly on the path of suffering from the “it’s-no-hit-song-so-it’s-automatically-disappointing”-itis, which is incredibly contagious, especially for all the one hit wonders out there (and not only), but despite people accusing it of not being “Geronimo” here and there, I sat down, listened and simply liked it), I am just saying to stop throwing shit at the artist just because their management is worse than their music. Yeah! Remember the time it was uncovered that Sheppard is funded by their parents’ business being torturous? There are Papua New Guinean asylum seekers locked away in a faraway island where all kinds of shit happens - abuse, torture, rape... and the parent Sheppard is responsible for all this (well actually he’s only 1/3 of the responsible men), and he makes profit off it. That’s disgusting to the max, I know, and by no means I support this pasttime, but I really hope that the Sheppard kids don’t support the way their parents get the money to fund their hopes and dreams, otherwise... well anti-stans you were right. I might as well begin regretting stanning Sheppard now but for a dumb bitch I am there always exist a shard from a broken hope I can hang on to just in case things would get better. Just like the time when Kesha broke free from the Ke$ha image at the time it came out to light that her former producer, Dr. Luke, is THAT kind of guy. Anyway, if there are people down here that sometimes come for the music and not for the backstory, I’ll leave a video for Sheppard’s entry, which wouldn’t have come onto Australia Decides if not for the Sheppard fans (that they still had before the mentioned incident?) that encouraged them to go ^_^ Is your love for this song on fire? (probably not but I still am asking b/c fuck it)

• I know what you’re thinking, so I’ll include Electric Fields as well. And with a good enough cause because I liked their song too, just like many people did. “2000 and Whatever” mixes electronic music with a relatable message for all the millenials out there who don’t want to “live forever”, Aboriginal sounds and cool inclusion of new and unheard-in-Eurovision-before language(s?) and all in all would have definitely made a more kickass Australian entry for this year. And what’s the best about it? They didn’t need to have a big fanbase like Sheppard’s or a relatively middle-sized abroad but big inside like Kate’s. They did THAT by being incredibly fun and unique and gained both national AND international fans with their one year Australia Decides stint, and now the fans are hopeful to see this duo come out on another Australia Decides in the future. I salute their newborn fanbase for being so passionate and hopeful already. Oh, and of course, they got a meme out of their way at the same time without even needing to win (which wouldn’t have happened if not for SBS’s care to translate different languages than their own):

casually describing the jury chatter on National Finals like

But my favourite moment of the performance that they had is when the lead singstress let go of her headscarf to show off her beautiful long dreads to the viewing audience <3333

• For those combined fans of both ESC and RuPaul’s Drag Race, Australia fished out a special surprise with Courtney Act (what, you thought all drag race queens have had to be American of origin?!) being on the lineup as well! Together with several other dancers, she presented “Fight for Love” (not to be confused with Dami Im’s “Fighting for Love”) on the Gold Coast stage - just your typical soft club banger with tight red dressing reminiscent of Lady Gaga’s eccentric costume era and Courtney’s special stare:

I HAVE SPECIAL EYES

(what’s more hilolololarious is that Logo, who aired BOTH ESC AND RDP, has not gotten a renewed contract for Eurovision this year, which means that if Courtney DID win, the Muricans would not be able to see a drag alum they might have loved at some point! As they already cannot broadcast Lady Madge, the only American performing on show, flashing her covered-up sponge pudding. A devastation <3)

• Hey, let’s not underestimate the other acts, too! There were 6 others that I didn’t mention, and among them my favourites were Ella Hooper (as during her performance I felt like I was watching that Shania Twain concert DVD again with her outfit being as outstanding as in this video) and Alfie Arcuri (one of the other names I heard before just like Kate and Sheppard - it’s a homosexual guy that feels confident enough with his sexuality by turning his struggles to songs!), and Leea Nanos (a 16 year old girlie who, like Electric Fields, don’t really have fans, but she came here to have a good time and performed confidently enough for her age! *clap* *clap*) wasn’t so bad, either.

• Australia Decides as a whole is a thing to remember. Not too annoying hosts? Check. Beautiful introductionary postcards (involving the NF guys going around to enjoy nature, talking some more about themselves and a specific soundshape for each act at the end of each postcards)? Check. (Fun) Interviews with the contestants and interval acts?? Yeah, you can check that as well. Behind-the-scenes get-togethers of every one of the participants and them getting to partake in a fun questionnaire?? Wow, they even have that!!! All in all I admired this slick production, the smooth flow and the nice details that went into this whole event. Thumbs up on that one! First organisational pancake did not burn up.

• Then again, every single one of those nice ones have to have an ugly interval act hidden somewhere, like, the German drag-like caricature that appeared on AGT not so long ago, Hans from Adelaide, who did a Eurovision medley and included “Ooh Aah (Just a Little Bit)” in it as well... needless to say, the fandom didn’t approve of that, and obviously the Måns's version from EYD was better.

• Also also, what do other NFs don’t do that Australia Decides just did this year??? A REJECTED ENTRIES COMPILATION SHOWCASE!!! Damn straight! When was the last time you’ve seen one of these? At least SOME recognition given for those songs that were close enough but the NF compilers found much better songs than those ones so those other ones just didn’t get their chance... amazing considering I believe I’ve never seen a thing like that before. There indeed were some rejected NF songs that are marginably better than some from the actual list. And thanks to Australia Decides showing them, they’ll never be any other NFs rejects ever again, unlike the Melodifestivalen/DMGP/etc. ones. Yeehaw. Maybe this serves as a ladder of hope for those rejectees to get up and try again so we’ll see them in another edition?

• Let’s not forget Kate herself. She did come down at us as the Australian version of Statue of Liberty (as the title of this write-up suggests, youhouuuuu) that looks more like someone’s unused Miss Universe national costume, but still very goddamn dazzling. And the rando flying above her presence that couldn’t be “holding [her] down”. What would have been any other way to present a mental issues awareness song than that. Majestic. I’d printscreen her dress for this one in full motion but I’d rather put down this picture with a more interesting shirt choice walking nearby the Australian Eurovision songstress while she was getting down to be ready for her winner’s reprise. I’m sure you’ll be able to see the dress in this too!

(if only I could use some extra fries in life!! =( )

All in all, I applaud the Down Under-ners for a succesful kickstart in the NF business, and I really hope SBS invests in this more than just calling up DNA Productions again to find themselves a starlet from an old Australian Idol/X Factor season that’s of different descent as always and slap a pop tune onto their discography with which they gotta go with to ESC. Would be incredigood. Thanks.

I’ll wrap this cumbersome beauty up by wishing the whimsical beauty Kate all the best in Tel Aviv! Hope your infected foot did not ruin the fun for you, dear sis.

[troubleisfree]

this is going to be like a very long, detailed, and mostly my personal observations and notes. as it was my first time seeing neymar and the brazil nt in person, i want to remember everything i can while its still fresh. it was a very exciting and at the same time surreal experience because i see those people all the time on tv games and now there they were few feet away from me...

i took the photos and videos. i am usually pretty good at that but i guess the excitement got the better of me because they did not come out fabulous. tumblr is being stupid with not letting me upload more then one video in a post, and i wanted everything together, so i ended up putting them up on youtube.

the hotel 9/3/2018.

so first i went to the hotel (very close to where i live) on monday 9/3. as it was labor day, i was off work and at a bbq/pool party abt 10 miles from home for the day. brazil nt was scheduled to leave the hotel for their first training at 4pm so i left the party early and, after some traffic drama, made it to the hotel little after 3.40pm. there were not too many people so i had a decent view but i also moved around a bit. some of the support staff was coming out already. a few minutes later, firmino was the first i saw, he waved and went straight to the bus.

then a group of marquinhos, douglas costa, fabinho etc came out together. only marquinhos paid any attention to the fans, waving and smiling but didnt stop.

then another group, including casemiro.

then alisson came out. he was really sweet, smiled, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. interacted the most of anyone else with the fans. 

then another group - i think richarlison (idk him really), filipe luis, thiago silva. thiago was just as nice as alisson, stopped with the fans, signed stuff. he looked to me a bit shorter irl then on tv...

willian came out alone next.

at this point, it was almost 4pm, my excitement had totally built up and i was so anxious to see my boy ney. i started thinking that maybe he will get there separately cuz i hadnt seen coutinho and tite either. but there he was! coming out last with barely a minute to spare before 4pm (the timestamp on my photo is 3:58:59pm lol). he was the very last one to come out, chewing on something, with his typical swagger. he waved but didnt stop and the bus left as soon as he got on. he looked just as hot in person as on tv, the cameras dont lie lol. really handsome and very very sexy! i mean, i expected it, i have seen his photos lol but omg he looks so damn good you cant help those dirty thoughts! i felt like an absolute fangirl! this is neither here or there, but he looked to me a little bigger then i expected. just kinda...fuller?

i only took one photo of him cuz i wanted to look at him with my own eyes rather than thru the camera ;)

it was such an incredible experience seeing neymar and the rest of the guys in person so close that i was shaking after! like for real my hands were shaking, my legs were shaking. and i couldnt stop grinning for a good half an hour after. i went to the boardwalk to calm down a bit and just absorb the experience. people passing by probably thought im crazy or reading love letters on my phone or something cuz i just couldnt stop grinning but i didnt give a flying fuck what they were thinking - i had just seen neymar!

my notes and impressions:

1. OMFG I SAW NEYMAR FROM FEW FEET AWAY. just that, my brain was really way too frazzled to process any other impressions lol

the game 9/7/2018

so after some c. drama, despite my initial hopes, i had accepted that i am not going to go to the game. and then the day before i find out I AM GOING!!! i was so freaked out with excitement lol!!!

getting there was so frustrating! first i had forgot to charge my phone before leaving work so i only had like 30% which was nowhere near good enough for my plans of copious pics and vids. so i had to run into a bodega to buy a charger for the car. then for some complicated reason we had to leave from the ues and fucking DRIVE. crosstown. on a friday. at 6pm. straight thru freakin time square with its gazillion tourists. on top of rush hour. even though the schedule said 8pm, the tickets said the event starts at 7.30 and i wanted to be there early to see the warmups and at 7.02 we were still not even inside lincoln tunnel ffs! i was FUMING and ready to jump outta the car and start yelling at the other cars to get a goddamn fucking move on i got places to be people to see! just ugh. so frustrating. the only upside of taking so long to get to the stadium was that by the time we got there my phone was almost 100%...

anyway, finally at 7.25pm we got there and thru all the checks etc (my joke of a miniature purse was shown as an example to another girl with a slightly bigger purse and praised by security for being perfect size which pissed me off because of their dumbass rules it had is smaller then my regular WALLET ffs and it barely even fits my phone so in no way is it a ‘perfect size’ except maybe for dolls or tiny aliens. but they had the stupid clear bag / tiny purse rule in effect and all i cared at that point was getting in so whatever. still, fucking terrorists. obviously also for more important reasons than just being the cause of my having to have a tiny purse but yeah fucking terrorists). 

the stadium was buzzing already. apparently the 7.30 start was for the warmups so perfect for me. this was the view from our seats.

when we got to our seats, the usa team was out already. and the canarinho was interacting with fans. and then brazil came out. 

ney was warming up with coutinho

after stretches, he did some practice shooting. this one didnt go in.

after that the team went back inside and the canarinho came behind the barriers to interact with the fans (photo below especially taken for a.)

time for the teams to come out. for some reason the tunnel was on my side of the stadium but the benches were on the other side and they lined up there for the anthems. (again, for a.)

then the us anthem and, since we dont do things here on a small scale, the flag rolled out was the size of the whole stadium lol

in the first half neymar was playing in front of me. in the beginning of the game i took a few photos and then i stopped because i wanted to watch the game and see with my own eyes not concentrate on the phone... still, here they are

here is the penalty. i didnt catch it go in because i was looking at it happening rather then my phone. i also removed the sound cuz there was screaming when it went in lol. it was a VERY soft penalty btw...

my notes and impressions:

1. it was a friendly so not surprisingly, it was not an edge-of-your-seat game. still brazil dominated the crap out of the usa team. the difference in class and quality was glaringly obvious.

2. it was strange not supporting my country’s team. but only when i thought about it. otherwise my soccering heart belongs to brazil 100%, without a doubt.

3. watching a game live vs tv: both have pros and cons. again, after watching every week on tv, seeing these guys live in person is simply incredible. just absolutely surreal. like, they are moving, running, kicking right in front of you. you can hear the ball being kicked. feel the tension. see what they are doing without the ball. watch their interactions away from the camera. feel the power of the crowd. its just so much more immersive. at the same time, watching at home the curated game content is... convenient. you get closeups. you get facts from the commentators. your bathroom is nearby (i did carefully time my liquid intake that day to avoid venturing into stadium bathrooms and thank god it worked lol). so imo, watching a game on tv is not really that much worse then watching it live. i always felt like i am getting a completely filtered version on tv and it is filtered but it is not horrible. yes, you are missing out on stuff but its not a total loss.

4. the stadium was about 40% full, 32k of 82k capacity. but it felt more like 2/3, probably because on the other side many sections were not even open so most everyone attending was spread out in one long side and the two goal sides.

5. brazil fans were out strong! i’d say about 70% of the people were brazil fans, and of those about 90% had on brazil jerseys. yellow galore lol. the usa fans were constantly chanting but when the brazil fans decided to make the effort they drowned them out easily and completely!

6. the usa fans were in the section behind one of the goals. throughout most of the game i thought oh cute they are constantly singing their hearts out supporting their clearly outplayed loosing team. then they did iceland’s viking chant. yes, it is a cool chant but its iceland’s. idk why so many have been plagiarizing it! first portugal did it in the wc, then i saw another, and now the american outlaws (the usa ultras)... let iceland have its thing people. i did not appreciate it but no big deal. BUT then they did something that pissed me off - few minutes before neymar was substituted in the 80 min they chanted fuck neymar. i was not best pleased to say the least! lick sweaty balls jealous motherfuckers!

7. we did a wave that went around the stadium like 4 times!

8. there was a small group of 13-14yo girls right behind us that whenever ney touched the ball or looked our way screamed ‘neymaaaarrr, neymaaaaarrrrrrrr, vaiiiiiii, vai neymaaaaaaarrrrrrrr’. one girl in particular was especially shrill and vociferous in her dedication to ney. no sense of decorum whatsoever lol. my bf was smirking at me and was like why dont you go sit with them. i on the other hand was thinking that while i wouldnt go sit with them, if some of my tumblr girls were here.... well those girls wouldnt even know what hit them!

9. i would definitely go to a game again! 

10. while the seats we had were really good, i wish there was an option to be even closer and still see the whole pitch. then again, for me it would probably only qualify as ‘close enough’ if im allowed to run along the sidelines lol. but then i wont really be able to watch the game. (hey maybe i can hang from the skycam hahaaaa!). yes, i am a neymar fan but i am also a fan of the game so i want both. i did not have any input in the choice of these seats but i think it was a good trade off - the closest where you can both see the guys and actual game. if i have to pick the tickets for the next game (hopefully i will go again some time!), i would be tempted by the lower levels but the barriers are pretty high so... i would probably go for the same - second level first row.

11. there was a guy sitting next to me with his date and he was trying to be all knowledgeable and impress the girl but half the stuff he was telling her was wrong lol! he kept pointing to douglas costa and telling her its firmino. i was cracking myself up listening to him talk complete bullshit but with such grand authority about technical game stuff.

12. at some point a loose ball ended up into the stands, some guy caught it, and 2 min later security came to take it away from him :/ why not let the guy just keep the ball?!? stupid. if it was me, i’d have made a fuss, maybe pretended that it hit me in the face and threatened to sue the stadium cuz they have not ensured the spectators’ safety or some such crap lol. see if they dont let me keep it to avoid a lawsuit.

13. the canarinho (for a.) - he was really great! interacting with the fans, dancing, hugging fans. really a fantastic mascot and absolute joy to watch! during the halftime he was out on the pitch, doing keepie uppies (in those shoes too!!! showing his brazilianness lol), and kicking balls into the stands

14. i was totally impressed by neymar. it was just so obvious how good he is and no, not because i am biased, which i admittedly am. i expected him to be good, duh, but to see it so clearly was amazing. he is not a fluke, he is the real deal. he stands out among even such quality peers as the rest of brazil nt! just something in the way he interacts with the ball, the way he moves, ‘sees’ his teammates without looking, turns on a dime, does the unexpected. i dont think he ‘thinks’ or ‘calculates’ at all his moves or that it is just a lot of practice, i think it is pure instinct in the moment, i.e. phenomenal natural talent. even though this was not one of his greatest games for sure, he just looked... special and different from the rest. most of the brazil players were displaying their clearly high quality but there is just something unique in the way neymar plays. even if you dont know who he is, what teams are playing, anything at all, you’d still pick him out and know that there is something extraordinary about this guy. if you unfocus your eyes so you see just all same yellow shirt figures, you would still be able to pick out which one is neymar. he did a bit of his skills and tricks and of course i wished he had done more. what i took away from watching him play live was that, in this average game, he looked as good playing live as he has in the past when i have watched his great games on tv. i dont know why. but watching neymar play live was an experience of its own. it felt like his average ‘live’ performance is as good as his great ‘tv’. i cant even imagine what it would be like watching one of his great performances live. while i dont feel im loosing so much watching games on tv vs live as mentioned above, i definitely feel that watching neymar in particular play live is on another level and im missing out when i watch him on tv instead of live. he is absolutely worth the price of admission. i was so disappointed in him for his wc antics but thats in the past now, and i have been reminded how right it feels to be his fan, not just for the nice things he does for kids/charity, his fun personality (and lets not forget the good looks, and oh boy they are SO GOOD lol) but his undeniably outstanding talent on the pitch. his game is just incredible. i hope he keeps healthy. i hope he gets his temper under control not just for a few games but for good. and i pray he always has the freedom to shine like he rightfully can. i am rooting for him to get the appreciation and acknowledgement he deserves, unadulterated by behavioral issues or personal drama.

ok, imma stop now. this post is huge, even by my standards. 

[pineapplekeith]

House Cat - Pt. 10

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Pairing: Klance

Universe: Modern Earth/Fantasy

Rating: T (language/sensitive material)

Word Count: 3K+

Part: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 4 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [ 10 ]

Summary:  Werecats are hard to find outside of lab facilities now-a-days and Lance has had a suspicion that a small stray that comes by his house now and then is one when he noticed a new face around town around the same time. / Modern AU setting with werecats for fun and seriousness now and then. Klance heavy with Garrison Trio and maybe some more ships making an appearance later on.

A/N: So far, this has been well liked on AO3 and FF so I decided to post the full parts on here. Links to AO3 and FF are on my story blog @kal-i-ka-stories 

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Me: Hey Mamá. I won’t be home for dinner tonight. Matt came home so I’m going to Pidge’s to study and to catch up. I’ll probably be back late or spend the night. I promise not to wake you and pops if I come back late.

Mamá: That’s good that Matt made it back home safe! Tell him I said hi and that he should come visit the twins before going back. Be safe if you come back home tonight. Love you honey!

Me: Will do! Love you too!

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Lance then put his phone away in his back pocket and turned away from his usual route home and headed in a different direction.

..::::..::::..::::..::::..

“Kid wake up!”

The sound of Val’s banging on the door made Keith jump awake. He looked around for a bit, not sure what was going on. Val banged on the door again, bringing Keith fully into reality.

“Are you alive in there? I need help opening.”

“Uh, yeah I’m up. Sorry, I’ll be down in a minute.” Keith responded as he pushed himself out of bed.

“You better or I’m keeping your tips.” Val yelled out as he started to walk back down to the shop.

Keith stared at the back door that led to the shop until he heard the door at the end of the stares close. He then let out a heavy sigh of relief and rubbed at his face so he could wake up some more. “What the hell is wrong with me?” Keith asked himself as he thought about his recent habits over the past few days. Like clockwork, Keith would usually would wake up as the sun rose and fall asleep once he hit his bed. But lately he would find himself lying in bed awake all night, and then sleep in every morning till Val or his alarm to leave woke him up. Keith ran his fingers through his hair as he let out another frustrated sigh. His frustration quickly turned to concern once he felt something on the sides of his head that should not be there.

“No. No. No. No. No.” Keith mumbled as he hurried over to the small bathroom in his apartment. He looked in the mirror and his gut instantly dropped. Poking out through his hair, there were a pair of black cat ears on each side of his head in place of his human ears. Hesitantly looking behind, Keith then saw a long cat’s tail poking out from his pants’ waistband and it made him drop his head in defeat. “This can’t be happening.”

Being in hybrid-form after maturity was rare for most werecats, but common for half-breeds. Researchers discovered that this was a biological warning signal within half-breeds that would go off before something were to happen to them internally. Illness, stress, or anything else big or small would cause for a half-bred werecat’s ears and tail to appear whether they wanted to or not.

Keith looked at himself in the mirror for a moment before taking in a deep breath to calm his frustration and focus on correcting the situation. Go away. Go away. Go away. Keith chanted to himself in his mind as he tried to focus on making his feline features disappear. This was something that Keith wasn’t sure on if it would work or not. Focusing on which form he wanted was easy to do when he wanted to be fully human or fully cat, but when a half-breed finds themselves in their mixed form, waiting for things to resolve themselves was always the solution that they were told would work. But Keith didn’t live in the lab anymore and waiting wasn’t going to work.

After his mind settled and he was sure that he was focused on what he wanted, Keith peeked into the mirror to see if he was back to how he should be. Black cat ears were still poking out through his hair. He groaned out of frustrated as he grabbed at his ears, tempted to rib them off his head himself. “I hate these things!”

“Kid get down here! I’m not taking the chairs down myself!” Val yelled up the shop stairwell, growing more annoyed with how late Keith was with coming down.

“Coming!” Keith yelled back, trying to figure out what he could do to hide his secret from everyone. He quickly changed out of his sweatpants and shirt and into clean clothes, making sure to make his tail trail down one of his pants’ legs. He then dug through his dresser, trying to find something he could use to cover his ears. He could just wear his usual jacket with the hood up, but Val would instantly tell him to pull it off once he saw it. Keith slammed one of the drawers closed after reaching the bottom of it and instantly opened the next one underneath. He didn’t own much clothing, just the basics necessities and a few things he randomly picked up while traveling from the lab or was given to from Val when he first moved in. Pushed back in the corner of the drawer, Keith finally found a grey colored beanie that could hopefully help him. He snatched it up and hurried back into the bathroom. The beanie was luckily from one of Val’s sons so it was stretched out and worn and hopefully he won’t have an issue with Keith wearing it while working.

Keith put the cap on and tried his best to tuck away his ears in a way that wouldn’t give him a headache or make it hard for him hear everything around him. He winced a bit as he pushed each of his ears back and pulled the beanie over them. Once he finished situating everything, he took a final look at himself in the mirror before deciding that it was all he had and he would have to hope that it worked.

He grabbed his jacket and hurried down to the shop, still trying to will his ears and tail away in the back of his mind as he headed down. He walked into the shop and saw that Val was already done prepping the bar area and was heating up the grill. He used the opportunity to sneak by and start to take the chairs off the tables and set up everything else in the shop.

“What’s with the hat kid?” Val asked, not skipping a beat with what he was doing.

Keith mentally cursed at himself, annoyed that it was brought up so soon. “I, uh, didn’t wash my hair last night.” He answered, hoping it was believable.

Val stayed quiet for bit, making Keith wait for a response. “Ok. Just don’t tell the customers and stay away from the grill today.”

“Yes sir.” Like you ever let anyone go near your grill. Keith thought to himself as he rolled his eyes and continued to focus on his work.

..::::..::::..::::..

“Hey kid, once you finish with that, go take out the trash.” Val ordered as he continued to sit and catch up with his regular customers before officially closing the shop.

Keith’s day seemed to continue go downhill since his frustrations that morning. Once the usual customers started to come in that morning, it was nonstop teasing from them about the beanie he had to wear. Val then got irritated with his phone constantly buzzing throughout the day and warned Keith that if he wouldn’t turn it off, he wasn’t going to be paid for the day. Now he was stuck doing all the dirty work in the store and closing by himself as punishment for being late.

He carried the dirty dishes that he collected from behind the bar and dropped them off by the wash station, pausing for a moment for a slight break from closing. The store has never been as busy as some of the other diners in the area and because of that Val never really cared for the trash to be taken out every night. But the next morning was trash pick-up, so taking out all the trash in the back was added to Keith’s already long list of closing chores. Deciding that the last bit of dishes could wait and his other closing task were already done, Keith went to go empty the trash cans in the back and clear the bags that have been sitting in the back waiting to be taken to the alley by the dumpster.

The smell of the trash usually wouldn’t bother him, but today was different. Throughout his whole shift, Keith’s senses were working in overdrive. His head was pounding from the mixture of sounds being louder than they were and his ears being pushed back. His stomach would turn whenever he took in a big breath of coffee, grease from the grill, or even when he got close to the fishermen that came in to the shop. The trash was no better, making him want to puke right into the bin when he walked up to it because of the over powerful smells from the bags that sat and waited to be taken out. Keith took in a deep breath before moving closer to the open trash bags so that he wouldn’t have to inhale the different smells as he tied up the bags. He quickly tied up all the trash bags in the bins, making it a bit easier for him to breathe when taking them out and adding them with the other bags piled up by the back door.

Keith looked at the different bags of trash by the door, thinking about if he should really take out the trash in his state or wait and take them out in the morning before it’s picked up. He reached up and touched the side of his head, feeling his feline ears under the beanie along with feeling his tail brush against his skin under one of his pants legs. Finishing his chore right then seemed to be the better option to do instead of waiting and hoping he turns back to normal in the morning. He pulled his shirt over his nose and grabbed some of the bags and headed outside.

His shirt was no help at all. Once Keith was out in the alley near the dumpster, he almost threw up in his shirt from all the smells hitting him. Not only was the smell of damp and moldy trash nauseating, the salt air and the smell fish coming from the docks was too much to handle. Keith dropped the trash bags halfway to the dumpster and backed away so he could gather himself.

“I really hate today,” Keith mumbled to himself as he tried to steady himself. Once he felt he was ready, Keith stood straight up, took a deep breath, covered his nose with his shirt again, and then went to finish what he started. His motions seemed to be done all at once as he threw the trash away. Right when he thought he was in the clear and finally able go inside and get the rest of the bags, Keith’s shirt slipped down right as the dumpster lid closed. Nausea instantly hit him and everything in his stomach ended up on the wall of the alley.

Keith’s throat burned and stung each time he coughed. His headache was turning into an intolerable migraine and it made him want to rip the beanie off his head and yell all his frustrations out to the world.

“Keith?” Someone called out from the end of the alley. Keith looked down the alley and his stomach turned again at the sight of one of the reasons for his horrible day. “Dude are you ok?” Lance asked as he started to walk in the alley to check on his friend.

Keith jumped back in defense mode when Lance got closer to him. He covered his nose with his shirt again and pinched it tighter than he did when taking out the trash. “What the hell?! You stink!” He snapped, reaching his limit with the day and feeling sick again.

Lance froze about five feet away, feeling a bit insulted. “Excuse me,” he asked as his irritation started to boil.

“You stink! When was the last time you showered?!”

“An hour ago, after gym class. Who the hell says something like to a friend that’s trying to check on another friend?! I just saw you puke and got worried but somehow you’re still a jerk even when you’re sick!”

“Showered an hour ago my ass! You smell worse than the trash!” Keith argued back, still focused on Lance’s overpowering smell.

That made Lance snap. He takes his personal hygiene very seriously. He even taught his sisters how to properly wash their faces and put together spa days with them. “I’ll have you know I leave gym class smelling nicer than anyone else in there! Not only do I bring my own body wash, I also make sure to put on deodorant and body spray before leaving! You need to have your senses checked because if you think I smell bad, something is seriously wrong with you!”

“Something is wrong with me idiot!” Keith yelled back without thinking.

..::::...::::..::::..

“Woah! That is a problem.” Lance said as he stared in awe at Keith’s ears.

“Yeah. They’ve been causing me trouble all day.” Keith admitted as he scratched at the slight pain that was still behind one of his ears.

The two were alone in the closed restaurant. The sun was starting to go down and was casting a glare on the windows from the outside, blocking people’s view of the inside. Val had left for the night to go on a short fishing trip with some of his regular customers, leaving Keith in charge of the building till he opened back up the day after he came back. Lance was sitting at the bar while Keith was finishing up the last of his closing chores.

“Well, the beanie did look pretty out of character for you. But not as much as that mask.” Lance said, making sure to point out the dust mask that Keith was wearing over his face now. “Seriously, I finished taking the trash out for you, so is that really necessary?”

“Yes, because you stink!” Keith answered quickly. After throwing up a second time from the smell of the garbage, Keith searched all over the back room for something to use to reduce the smell. Luckily, he found a dust mask that Val had left in the back from when he did renovations to the shop while Lance handled the rest of the trash for him. Keith kept it on while he finished his cleaning in the back, but realized that he still needed to keep it on around Lance.

Lance smelled his jacket, thinking that maybe Keith was smelling the scent of the dumpster on his clothes, but all he could smell was his body spray he put on after gym class. He even ran his fingers through his hair, thinking that maybe his hair smelled sweaty, but that wasn’t it either. “I don’t know what it is you’re smelling on me, but since you said that your senses are heightened maybe they’re just so strong they’re making you think that good smells are bad smells.”

Keith chose not to respond to Lance’s suggestion. He knew he was smelling a bad smell, or at least a smell he wasn’t used to. His senses would heighten whenever he was cat, but with his hybrid form, they’re much stronger and make it harder for him to pinpoint the sources exactly.

“So, does this kind of thing happen a lot?” Lance asked, the question practically killing him.

“No. This is only the second time this has happened to me.” Keith admitted as he put the mugs away under the coffee station. “It was years ago and I had a bad fever then.”

“Well, you were throwing up a lot so maybe you’re sick again?”

“I threw up because of the trash. The smell was so bad, I could taste it.” Keith complained, internally shivering as he remembered the experience.

“Then what do you think is wrong?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted, a bit irritated from not knowing what to do. “All I can do is wait it out and see what’s wrong.” Keith put away the final mug and decided that talking about the elephant – or cat – in the room was annoying. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I said I was coming over! Did you not read my text?!” Lance asked a bit offended. “Why would you respond if you didn’t read them?”

“Because you wouldn’t stop messaging me and the old man threatened to take today’s pay away.”

“His name’s Val.” Lance reminded him, something that was becoming normal between them the more they interacted. “Oh yeah, that reminds me! Do you know what an emoji is? Or at least an emoticon?”

“A what?”

“The weird symbols and squares I kept sending you. What kind of phone do you have anyway?” Lance asked as he leaned over and looked behind the bar for Keith’s phone, knowing that he usually kept it behind there when he was working.

“I don’t know. One that one of the old man’s kids had. Hs wife reactivated it and gave it to me when she found out I didn’t have a phone.” Keith explained as he went to carry the dish bin to the back.

“Val and Ellie!” Lance yelled as Keith walked through the back door. “And this really does look like one that their kids’ might have owned.” He said to himself after he found and picked up Keith’s phone which was an older version of the first few smart phones. “I don’t even think they make stuff for this model anymore.”

“What?” Keith asked as he peeked through the small window above the grill.

“I said your phone’s old!” Lance yelled as he turned the phone back on, a bit surprised that there was no passcode to get in but then remembered that passcodes were before the model’s time. His text messages that he sent to Keith started to pop up after a few moments. Lance then went into Keith’s text messaging app and saw that he only had three conversations saved – one that was mostly from Val saying when he planned to open the shop or not, another mostly from Keith to Rufus of when he planned to stop by his bar to eat. The last one was of Lance’s conversations with Keith, his number still not saved. When comparing the conversation with the others, it looked more casual with all of Lance’s broken messages and Keith’s few responses back. Lance quickly saved his number in the phone as Keith walked out of the back room, giving himself a nickname like he did with his contacts in his phone. “Anyway, emojis and emoticons are what those weird symbols and squares are. They’re like little faces to show the context of a person’s message. Some of them aren’t showing up on your phone because it’s a dinosaur.”

“It works, that’s all I need it to do.” Keith answered as he grabbed his beanie and the store keys Val left behind the counter.

“You don’t even have games on here.” Lance mentioned as he continued to snoop through the phone. “Or photos.”

“It’s a phone. I just need it to make calls and send messages.” Keith said as he went to the front of the store to pull the blinds down over the windows.

“Yeah but you have to live a little sometimes. What if you’re stuck on a bus or something and you’re bored?”

“I’ll probably take a nap.” Keith answered, not really getting Lance’s point.

“Spoken like a true cat.” Lance said as he finished his less that fun exploration through Keith’s phone. Lance opened Keith’s camera app and was a bit disheartened when he saw the poor quality of it. He turned around in his seat and pointed the camera at Keith. “Smile,” he said to get Keith’s attention as he walked back from the front, snapping a picture right when he looked up.

“What did you just do?”

“Took a picture of you,” Lance said as he saved the photo and sent it to himself.

“What the hell?! Why would you do that when I’m like this?”

Lance shrugged his shoulders. “Because I’m a teenager and that’s what we do. Besides I wouldn’t worry about other people seeing it. Your camera is really low quality so I’m sure if someone were to see it, they would think the ears were fake.”

“I don’t care! Don’t ever do that again!” Keith snatched his phone out of Lance’s hand and instantly deleted the photo.

“Ok, sorry dude.” Lance apologized as he held his hands up in defense.

Kieth let out a tired sigh and rubbed at his forehead. “Sorry, it really is no big deal. I’m just really hungry, being in this form takes a lot out of me.”

“Then why didn’t you eat during your shift? Doesn’t Val usually cook you something?”

“He does but I told him he didn’t have to today because you said you were bringing actual food over.”

“So you did read my text!” Lance shouted, feeling triumphant that Keith really did read his messages.

“I skimmed them. Where’s the food?”

Lance went quiet, falling hard from his high horse. “Uh, probably being cooked or eaten right now.”

Keith glared at Lance, irritated that he missed his chance on free homemade food. He then woke up his phone and started a new message. When he finished, he put his phone away in his pocket and put his beanie back on, tucking his ears to the side so that they wouldn’t make noticeable bumps on his head.

“You ok there buddy?” Lance asked, feeling a bit nervous.

“We’re going to Rufus’s and you’re paying.”

“What? Why? You’re the one with the job!”

“But this is your fault.” Keith said as he walked to the door. “Now come on, I’m hungry.”

Still fuming, Lance grabbed his bookbag and willing followed Keith out of the shop. Keith locked up the shop and the two started to walk down the street and towards the town’s square. The two continued to bicker as they walked, catching the attention of a shopper walking out of the nearby convenience store. The stranger focused on Keith as the two teens walked down the street, something about him peeking his interest. He then smirked as he let out a small chuckle.

“I knew I smelled a stray in the area,” he said to himself before turning and walking in the opposite direction.

A/N: Want to keep reading? Jump over to my [ AO3 ] or [ FF ]page and continue the fun with 3 more chapters! And please remember to reblog!