#it takes me so much alcohol to get drunk but i get sick so fast

[waste-0f-spacee]

i had 3 drinks and immediately threw up

[li-x1nyu]

how tartaglia reacts when you're drunk and don't recognize him

tartaglia x gn!reader

sfw, drunk reader, angst, some fluff, reader has been hurt in prev relationships

A/N: i don't usually post stuff like this hehe, idk what changed my mind to!! hope you enjoy🤭

You had told him if you didn't come home before 2, he should probably come pick you up.

"Hey, you're here!" Hu Tao beams at Tartaglia.

"Thanks for watching them," he grins and gestures to you sitting at the counter.

"Yeah, dude, of course."

Tartaglia stares at you for a little while. He still can't get over how pretty you are, the curve of your nose, the ways your eyes kiss in the corners. Your hair looks surprisingly neat for someone who's drunk. Your expression is distant, finger trailing along the edge of the glass. You seem to be drinking vodka? He thought you didn't like vodka.

Sliding an arm around your shoulders, he leans to whisper in your ear, "Hey, pretty, you ready to go?"

You leap back into the present.

Looking puzzled, you push his arm off of you, saying, "Please don't call me that."

He blinks, a ghost of a smile still on his face. "Haha... what?"

Their faces mirror each other in confusion.

"I'm not going home with you, I have a boyfriend," you say, turning back to the half filled glass.

It clicks in Tartgalia's head, and a teasing grin forms. "A boyfriend, huh? Can I fight him for you?"

"You'd lose," you reply flatly, deadpan.

Dropping himself into the seat next to you and propping up his cheek, he says, "Tell me about this boyfriend of yours."

He watches his lover's expression brighten, like you forgot the entire exchange that just happened.

"Oh, he's the sweetest," you gush immediately. "And he makes me laugh so much, and he's so lively and good with people, but he's so hardworking and stubborn and, ugh, he's so beautiful. How is it possible to be so beautiful?"

His heart is about to explode all over Hu Tao's kitchen counter. His mind can't believe it, he's the reason your face is a beautiful, dreamy, rambling mess.

And you're not done. "I don't deserve him," you say, "I wish I could do something for him, but he always says I don't have to."

Because you don't have to, my dove, Tartaglia thinks. You're doing more than enough already.

Your expression suddenly snaps. "Shit. I'm a terrible person. I need to go home."

Tartaglia snaps out of his own trance in alarm. "Why?"

"He's at home now, and I'm out here getting wasted." You rub your face and search for your bag and phone.

"Woah, hey, you're drunk," he holds you by the shoulders, "I'm taking you home."

"Just because you're literally gorgeous doesn't mean you get to touch and take home random people!" You smack his hands off of you, again. Tartaglia's not sure if he should cry or laugh.

You cover your mouth in surprise at your own words. "Holy fuck, I'm a terrible person," you whisper. "Am I allowed to call someone who isn't my boyfriend gorgeous?"

He's convinced alcohol makes your brain overthink twice as fast as it usually does.

He also thinks it's a dumb question. Have I given them the impression they can't speak their mind?

He thinks it's okay. "Of course you are," he tells you instead, frowning. "He's not a good boyfriend if you have to be allowed to do something."

"No, he's a great boyfriend!" you say instantly. "I just-" You cut yourself off with a sigh and chew on your fingernail. There's a loud thumping in his heart as he waits for you to continue.

"I never know about these things," you say finally. "I feel like he never really tells me how he truly feels. I don't know if there's something I do that actually bothers him. And I'm..." You rub your nose bridge. "I'm scared to ask."

Tartaglia is quiet for a long moment. What he has cleverly deduced from this is that his lover is scared of him. All pride he'd felt earlier from making you swoon is now replaced by a sick feeling of self hatred.

"Maybe there's just nothing you do that really bothers him," he suggests softly, trying to lighten the mood.

Your expression turns glum. Fuck, was that the wrong thing to say? He mentally kicks himself.

"That can't be right," you sigh. "When I have nightmares, he always wakes up to comfort me. I'm pretty sure that pisses him off. And he always says it's okay too, but-" you blink rapidly, like blinking away tears. Tag winces.

"But then he... he takes longer in the shower, adds more caffeine to his coffee. And- and he'll eat less of the breakfast I make him."

"Oh," he says smartly, running out of things to say. He should've paid more attention to the little things, knowing that of course you would.

You shake your head and squeeze your slightly glassy eyes shut. After mumbling to yourself, "stop oversharing to strangers" twice, you put the cork back in the vodka bottle and set your glass in Hu's sink after pouring it down the drain.

"Anyway," you turn to him when you're done, "goodnight, I guess. Thanks for listening?"

"I'll walk you home," he offers again, softly.

You hesitate. Of course you hesitate.

"You're drunk," he reminds you. "I'm sure your boyfriend won't mind as long as you get home safe."

You give in. You let him put his coat around your shoulders, but you don't put your hands through the sleeves.

Halfway home, you just stop walking.

"Love?" Tag tilts his head at you. "Darling, what's wrong?"

You blink a few times. "Tartaglia?"

He grins. "Yes, hi. You recognize me now?"

You blink again. Then a smile starts to spread, and you forget the reason for your daze. You put your arms into the sleeves of his coat. "Yes," you say sheepishly. "Hey, you."

A hand is held out for him to hold.

Their talk can wait for next morning.

sorry if tartaglia is a little ooc! thank you for reading 🫶 might post a part two where he comforts you about it?

[zweiginator]

Drunk sex w patrick after a party perhaps???? Like you both get wasted and it’s just super messy and sloppy and hot 🤞🏻🩷😗

you both having the most massive crush on each other but you’re both way too stubborn to admit it. literally won’t make the first move. but as soon as alcohol is involved at this party you’re at— anything is game.

You shouldn’t even like him—he’s rude and cocky and has had everything in his life handed to him on a silver platter. but he’s addicting. those pretty green eyes and how his muscles ripple underneath his shirt.

he comes up to you and asks you bluntly, with a drunken slur: “why haven’t we fucked yet?”

“how fucking drunk are you?” you’re getting there too—but lord, Patrick has no filter on his words or how he’s looking at you right now. it’s making you starve for him.

“drunk words are sober feelings or whatever that quote is.” He stumbles into you a bit. “but actually—I know you want me.”

Again, with the cockiness.

“you sure?” you stand closer to him; he’s clearly looking down your shirt.

“I know you do.” so fuck me already.”

plenty of people are looking at the two of you; they’re ready to intervene, but you like his attention. You despise how much you fucking need it.

you feel his forehead; a plan comes to mind.

“are you okay? you look pale.”

“stop trying to change the subject.”

you grab his hand. “here, let’s get you to the bathroom.”

the door shuts.

“I’m not-im not sick. ‘m fine.” Patrick says.

“I know.” you pull him by the collar of his button up, using your other hand to fumble the buttons open.

“oh fuck.” he smiles at your desperation.

you kiss down his chest until you get to his belt. looking up at him, he looks perfect. abs flexed and toned, lips red and bitten. the veins in his arms protrude as he holds onto the sink for purchase.

his cock is heavy on your tongue, and you suck on the head, looking up at him. your eyes water as you push him deeper and deeper down your throat. when you lick down his shaft and suck on his balls, spit dribbling down your chin, Patrick is so loud you have to tell him to shut up.

but he can’t—and he doesn’t want to.

he pulls you to his level and kisses you hard, tasting himself on your tongue as he spits and drools into your mouth. groans as his fingers feel how wet your cunt is.

“fuck me.” he says. he’s almost begging. “fuck me here.”

you get him on the floor and he pushes your panties to the side, lining his weeping cock to your entrance.

“wait-“ you say. “The door’s unlocked.”

he pulls you close so your forehead is touching his. “don’t care.”

you sink down on him slowly, slowly and then all at once. he’s so fucking big and you almost want to tell him. but he knows from the look on your face, how your cunt stretches around him.

his hips buck up into you and he won’t shut up. his pleasure along with his drunkenness has him literally drooling for you.

you don’t know what comes over you, but you shove your fingers into his mouth and slap him hard with your other hand. “shut up or I won’t fuck you ever again.”

“oh Jesus Christ-“ Patrick doesn’t listen to you. Of course he doesn’t. “Bull fucking shit.”

he smirks up at you, his hands finding your hips to fuck up into you.

you test the water; you like how he responds to your dirty talk, how he wants you to take control.

“such a dirty fucking boy.” you tell him, grabbing his jaw.

he nods, his mouth hanging open as a cracked moan comes out.

“all yours—please fuck me harder.”

“open your mouth.”

it’s almost funny how fast he’s listening now. you spit onto his tongue and his hips buck up, his balls loud against your ass. Pre cum drips out of your cunt and down your legs.

“I’m cumming—where do i?”

you pull off of him and suck him into his mouth, feeling his hot cum spurt onto your tongue, into the back of your throat. some lands on the corner of your mouth, and Patrick gathers it with his thumb and sucks it into his mouth.

“next time, I’m fucking you.”

“who said there’s a next time?” You pull your dress down.

“i did.”

[stargirllanaa]

୨⎯ “I don’t smoke”- R.C

❥ Masterlist

Warnings: Dark!Rafe, Toxic relationship, Abusive relationship, Domestic violence, heavy drinking, violence, mentions of drugs, mentions past d/v, Rafe’s a narcissist, emotional abuse

Summary: based on ‘I don’t smoke’ by Mitski (you don’t have to listen to understand but I still recommend. You drink to much and everything goes so wrong.

A/n ✎: surpriseeee, I was taking a break but got randomly motivated lol, thank you for 300 followers!!! Ily all sm! My inbox is open btw, also pls reblog and comment if you enojoyed!! Also I recommend listening to the song while reading!! Tyy

Wc: 2.8k

18+ minors dni!!!

As you took a long drag of your cigarette, you thought about your night, how you ended up on the balcony of the Cameron house with a tear-stained face and a cigarette in hand.

You never smoked except for after you and your boyfriend got into it; nicotine’s supposed to relieve stress and calm the nerves, right? I mean, you weren't addicted, just a stress relief.

It made you laugh how almost every fight with your boyfriend was so stupid, usually a misunderstanding or him taking out his anger for something that had nothing to do with you.

You questioned why you always stayed with him; how could you be so in love with someone who mistreated you?

You laughed to yourself, taking another drag of your cig before inhaling, the warm breeze making contact with your slightly damp face, reminding you of why you were even out here; the sad realization brought fresh tears to your eyes, and before you knew it you were bawling again, sitting on the ground, knees brought to your chest, sobbing into your lap.

˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧ Earlier that night୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡

You and Rafe had ended up at a random party, some kook that Rafe knew from high school. Believe it or not, you enjoyed going to parties with Rafe. There was always an excuse to get as drunk and high as possible, and if you were faded enough, your thoughts would stop, and you finally felt at peace. It was honestly sad, but being in a relationship with Rafe, it was so hard to feel ok… to feel normal.

You guys had been at the party for about an hour, and you were already crossed, taking every drink offered to you in a heartbeat and even smoking with your boyfriend and his friends, but you could still feel, and you didn't like that, so you stumbled over to the drinks table, praying that there was at least enough left for a shot. Your vision was already spinning, and you were practically tripping over yourself, but you just wanted the pain in your heart to stop; that's it.

After what felt like a lifetime pushing through people and saying, ‘Excuse me,’ you finally made it. You reached for a bottle but didn't even read what it was; you were just desperate for anything. Your gut told you to stop drinking; you were nauseous, dizzy, felt heavy, and could barely walk straight, but your heart told you to keep going, so you did.

You poured yourself a shot, shaky, uncoordinated hands spilling a good amount on your fingers and the table. You drank the alcohol, tossing your head back as the bitter liquid made contact with your tongue before slightly burning the back of your throat. Your face scrunched up, looking around for a chaser but unable to find one.

As you stumbled around looking for your boyfriend, you bumped into at least five people, even causing one girl to spill her drink on herself; everything felt like it was going so fast yet so slow, and the world was spinning; you hated, but you loved this feeling, you were numb to your problems but also felt sick.

When you made eye contact with your boyfriend, he was sitting on the couch; you could barely make out the color of the sofa or who else was even on it; that's how fucked up you were.

You sat down next to him before even realizing what you were doing. You practically fell into him; before you knew it, you were lying on his shoulder and falling asleep.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆

“Y/n!” you heard your boyfriend's voice echoing through your head before even opening your eyes; you kept them closed. You were still tired and wanted at least five more minutes of sleep.

“She's knocked out, man.” you heard another man who wasn't your boyfriend say, most likely one of his friends.

“Y/n!” Rafe shouted, now shaking you awake.

You were genuinely confused when you opened your eyes—three blurry figures standing before you. When your vision evened out, you saw Your boyfriend was staring at you with his fist clenched to the side, clearly angry, as his two friends stood beside him, but you were laying on Rafe, at least you thought you were, but when you lifted your head and looked to your side to see who you were laying on, it was some random guy.

You immediately jumped, scooting yourself away from the random blonde. You had never seen this man before, and when you layed next to him, you could have sworn he was your boyfriend.

You quickly stood up, still tired and still drunk. Your heart was beating rapidly, and the look on Rafe's face didn't help; he was arguing with the man you had been lying on; you heard the name ‘Evan’ slip from his mouth.

"What's your problem, man?" Evan questioned, his tone challenging; he kept his spot on the couch as you hid behind your boyfriend and his friends, still able to get a clear view of the altercation.

“I've seen the way you've looked at her before.” Your boyfriend drunkenly spat, referring to you; he talked with his hands aggressively. That was a bad sign, and it worried you; you just wanted to explain to him this was all an accident, a drunken mistake.

“Listen, man; Your girl was all over me.”

Evan replied, words laced with venom as he stood up from his spot on the couch.”Maybe control your bitch next time-”

Without another word, Rafe lunged forward, his fist connecting with Evan's jaw.

The force of the blow sent Evan stumbling backward, crashing into a nearby table, sending drinks flying in all directions, causing everybody around to stop and look.

Evan recovered quickly, launching himself at Rafe.

The two boys wrestled with each other; trading blows amidst the chaos of the party; a crowd formed around them as phones were being taken out to record.

You were horrified, wide eyes watching as Rafe pushed the other blonde to the floor before punching him repeatedly. You knew this was your fault, and you felt horrible. How could you have made such a big mistake?

Your tears spilled, and your hand covered your mouth as you watched Rafe's friend's topper and Kelce pull him away from the kook on the floor, finally separating them. Rafe looked so angry. He was breathing heavily, his knuckles bruised and bleeding, but when you looked at the bloody blonde on the floor, you gasped. You regretted even looking at him; blood covered his face as he rolled over slightly, coughing more blood up; you even heard someone mutter, “Call 911.”

When Rafe's friends finally let go of him, he didn't go back for more; he honestly seemed satisfied, and when he grabbed your wrist roughly, pulling you away from the now-dead party and to his truck, clearly trying to avoid the police you were honestly shocked, You had never witnessed rafe hurt someone that bad, I mean he was going crazy, you couldn’t get the image of Evans blood covered face out of your head. And the more you thought about it, the more grateful you were that Rafe had never caused that much harm to you. I mean, sometimes he would slap, chock, or grab you, but he had just shown you how much he was genuinely holding back.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆

You had finally arrived at Tanneyhill after what felt like hours of complete silence as Rafe dropped his friends off. He refused to talk to you, ignoring you as you tried to explain to him that it was an accident and that you were just really fucked up. You were still drunk, not as drunk as you were when you originally made the mistake, but drunk enough to keep trying to talk to Rafe.

The thing was that you would rather argue with Rafe than be ignored; you hated when he punished you with the silent treatment; it made you want to curl up into a ball and cry, and you also didn't know how long he would keep this going, sometimes it was days, sometimes it was hours, you would much rather him just hit you and get it over with.

“Why would you even bring me here if you're going to ignore me?” You questioned Rafe, voices pleading for a response as you found your place on his bed.

He didn't even look up at you; instead, he rolled his eyes as he focused on his phone, scrolling through whatever social media app he was on.

“Are you fucking serious?” You recklessly said as tears started to brim your eyes; his breathing halted for a moment at that. “I said it was an accident! What the fuck do you want me to do?” You choked out, throwing your hands up.

Rafe continued to ignore you, slightly laughing at something on his phone; he wanted you to feel as guilty as possible, and he knew making you sit in silence and think about what you did would be the best way to achieve that, so he had to be strong. He wanted so badly to respond and put you in your place, but he also knew you would prefer that to this.

“Rafe!” you shouted, wanting so desperately to be heard, but you got no response, not even a look in your direction.

“RAFE!” You repeated even louder this time, but still, he kept eye contact with his phone and ignored you; it made you so angry and sad, so many emotions you didn't want to feel. This was the fucking worst.

“I fucking can't.” You cried, tears blurring your vision as you left Rafe's room, slamming the door behind you as you made your way to the balcony. You grabbed your chest, trying to slow your fast and deep breathing, but you couldn't. Rafe was treating you like shit, and it was so frustrating.

The blonde didn't stop you from leaving his room; he knew your little routine and that you would return to his bed in at least ten minutes.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚⋆

The following day, you woke up to muffled yelling from outside Rafe's bedroom door; you didn't even remember falling asleep or returning to his room last night; your last memory was bawling on the balcony as the smell of your cigarette filled your nose.

You sat up in bed, rubbing your eyes, noticing the pounding sensation throughout your head. You drank way too much last night, you thought to yourself before being brought back to reality by the muffled voices behind the door. Their voices were tense, filled with bitterness, and you couldn't help but feel a twitch of worry knotting in your stomach.

You glanced around the room, searching for clues or signs of what might have sparked the disagreement, but it was nothing new for Rafe to get into it with literally anyone.

The morning light filtered in through the curtains, casting a soft glow over your familiar surroundings, but your attention remained fixed on the heated exchange just beyond the door. But before you could even form another thought, Rafe's bedroom door swung open and slammed closed behind him as he breathed in and out fast and placed his hands on his head.

You exited his bed, swinging your feet out from under his blankets before standing up and walking over to him. You just wanted to comfort him and try to make him feel better. Even though you and Rafe didn't necessarily get along all the time, he's still your boyfriend, and you didn't enjoy seeing someone you love so upset.

“Rafe.” you calmly mumbled, touching his back. “Calm down,” you said, rubbing it. You could tell he was still distraught by how he was breathing.

His breath was rapid, his jaw clenched, and his first balled to his side.

“Take some deep breaths.” you calmly mutter, still trying to calm him down, but you knew you had triggered something in him when you saw the way he turned to you, eyes narrowed and dark; you didn't understand why what you said upset him, but you knew that all his anger would now be directed towards you.

“Calm down?” Rafe repeated, tone harsh and aggressive. “Deep breaths?” he hissed, taking a step closer to you as you took one back.

“Do you hear yourself?” The kook tapped on his temples as he stared you down, jaw clenched as he leaned on his dresser.

“You sound just like Sarah.” he tisked as he crossed his arms.

You didn't know what to say, but at this point, you were on the other side of the room; you knew you were playing a dangerous game, even being in the same room as Rafe when he got like this.

“Well, what do you want me to do, Rafe? I-” You looked down before being cut off by the sound of glass hitting the floor after your boyfriend knocked over serval objects that were sitting on top of his dresser in one clean sweep.

You flinched, closing your eyes as the abrupt noise of objects breaking filled your ears. You were grateful he took his anger out on his random trinkets rather than you, but you couldn’t stop your breath from speeding up as you held your chest, trying to lower your anxiety.

“I want you to be fucking quiet for once.” Rafe fumed angrily, now stalking towards you. “I want you to stop getting shitfaced just to embarrass me.” he spat, referring to last night.

As he stalked towards you, you made a run for it, successfully reaching the other side of the room, but this pissed him off even more you could see the way his jaw clenched even from where you were standing.

“Yeah, because the whole world revolves around Rafe!” you sarcastically nodded with a fake smile. He was fucking delusional if he thought you would purposely get drunk just to fall asleep on another man and embarrass him.

He rolled his eyes in response, jaw ticking again.

“I'm at least happy you got your anger out on someone other than me last ni-” Your words were cut off by empty glass being thrown directly at your face; luckily, you dodged it, falling to the floor and covering your head immediately.

Thankfully, the glass was thick enough that it didn’t break. What the fuck. If that would have hit your face, Rafe could have fucking killed you. You didn't know how you went from trying to comfort your boyfriend to almost being killed by him so fast. He was so unpredictable it was scary, and since you were so lost in thought, you didn't realize he was now right in front of you.

“You know why I hurt you, don't you?” Rafe questioned, voice now calm… scarily calm as he kneeled in front of you, brushing a hand over your hair.

You didn't respond; you were shaking and now crying. You were too terrified to even look up at him, too scared of what was coming next.

“Look at me.” Rafe sneered before tightening his once soft grip on your hair and using it to pull your head back and make eye contact.

You groaned at the feeling, more tears falling from your face as the pain intensified every second. You regretted even trying to make him feel better in the first place. Fuck, you regretted even meeting him.

“You know why I hurt you, don't you?” Rafe questioned again. This time, his voice was harsher, and his eyes grew darker the longer you didn't respond, but you didn't care you weren't answering that stupid fucking question; Rafe had no excuse to hurt you no matter what you did, and you weren't about to validate his reasoning.

“This is exactly why.” Rafe scolded, grabbing more hair as his grip tightened further. You screamed out in pain, but he quickly covered your mouth with his other hand as he continued. “You’re disrespectful.” he critiqued as he spoke through his teeth.

You were sobbing into his hand, tears soaking his fingers as he looked down at you with a storm brewing in his eyes. Rafe wanted to hurt you; Your boyfriend wanted you to feel exactly how he did when he entered his room in the first place.

“You’re kinda pathetic, you know.” Rafe looked you up and down, grip still tight on your hair.

“You're already crying, and I barely even touched you yet.”

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

Enjoyed my fic? Leave feedback! Comment/reblog!

Wanna see more? Check out my fic ‘bad liar’

[toxicanonymity]

This protector. Left in Lincoln, pt. 1

3k | dark dads' best friend!Joel x virgin f!Reader

story master list / joel miller master list

Premise: Bill and Frank raised you after you were orphaned by the outbreak. They left Lincoln to get treatment for Frank and asked a neighbor, Joel, to look in on you (early 20s) while they were gone.

He rubbed your arms harmlessly, then his hands grazed your breasts lightly enough to pass for accidental as he hugged you. His breath deepened and his jeans twitched. He slipped his arms under yours and you tried to settle in, still nervous. You sat for what felt like a long time. Eventually, you relaxed into him.

Warnings/Notes: NSFW 18+ (not graphic yet), creepy!joel, dark!Joel, pervy!Joel, big legal age gap, very inexperienced/naive reader, angsty premise, dry humping, touching over clothes, pressure, blue balls, alcohol, pining. Slow-burn horror. Post-outbreak but playing fast and loose with a couple of ages.

When Frank got sick, he and Bill went in search of treatment and left you safe at home in Lincoln. They knew you could manage on your own, but they still asked a trusted neighbor, Joel Miller, to look in on you. You knew Joel from when he came over for meals, but he didn't talk much, so you didn't feel like you knew him very well. You felt like he knew you, though. He knew a secret.

- - -

The secret was that one time, you went on Joel's property and helped yourself to his fruit. It wasn't your first time there, but it was your first time picking any fruit. You snuck in from the back and stayed deep in the orchard. You didn't think he'd see you.

Joel would've been more than happy to pick some fruit for you, or even with you, but you were shy. He was intimidating. Plus, you wanted to take your time to enjoy the orchard. He had the most beautiful peach and apple trees. You were still getting over Jesse and being there reminded you of him. Jesse kissed you there, way in the back, after dark when no one would know. This was your first time there in broad daylight.

You admired the peach in your hand, lightly brushing your thumb over its curves, captivated by the gradient of yellow to pink, then plum.

"You picked a nice, ripe one." Your face went cold as you looked at the peach in your hand. You turned around to see Joel Miller half smiling at you, then he slowly stepped forward and put his hands on his hips with his knee out. "Should be juicy," he added. He didn't seem mad at all, but it made your heart race. It was your first time stealing and you got caught.

"Mr. Miller, I–"

"Call me Joel," he said. "Come on in, let's make some apple juice."

"I really shouldn't. . ."

“C'mon, I just cored a bunch of apples."

He was reassuring, but you were too embarrassed and said you should get home. He told you to come back any time, but you never did.

-

The next time Joel came for dinner, you answered the door and he handed you a jar of apple juice. He normally just brought hard cider. Knowing you didn't drink, he brought a jar of juice that night to commemorate your trespassing.

"Wow, thanks," you said.

"’welcome, peaches," Joel whispered in your ear, and his thumb brushed your opposite cheek as it burned.

You prayed he'd never say it in front of anyone else, but that brief teasing was the most personality you ever saw from him. He almost always wore a scowl - he and Bill had that in common.

That was also the night you realized Frank was truly unwell. He tried not to show it, but he kept steadying himself, and it wasn’t because he was drunk. He only drank one cider and Bill teased him for not having any wine. Later, you overheard your dads weighing the options. They mused that Joel could check in on you if they left. You were embarrassed at the thought - you could still feel Joel's touch on your cheek.

When Frank's health got worse in the following weeks, they decided to go.

- - -

Your first night alone in the house after your dads left, it took you hours to get to sleep, then you barely slept. There was an eerie silence, eventually broken by a creaking sound. You brushed that off as the house settling, but soon you heard rustling, then a thump. You couldn’t recall what the night normally sounded like. Each one of those noises made your heart jump. Unable to sleep, your mind drifted to Frank. You worried and cried.

The second night was even worse. You got to sleep but awoke to a repetitive scratching noise that sounded like it was right outside. You knew it was probably an animal, but you were too afraid to look. The wind howled, and you could have sworn you heard voices.

-

Once Joel came by, you were relieved to see him. Too relieved to be embarrassed. He was somber when you answered the door, though.

"Sorry 'bout your dad…"

It brought everything back to the surface. You nodded, unable to speak with such a knot in your throat. Your head throbbed and your eyes welled up. He jammed his hands in his pockets and hung his head. You could no longer hold back the tears.

Joel's Adam’s apple bobbed with a thick swallow. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldnt’a mentioned it." He hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and awkwardly opened his arms for you. The hug was rigid and obligatory until you collapsed into his arms like you really needed him. Then it changed. His body relaxed. His thick arms wrapped softly but strongly around you and he rubbed your back. His broad chest swelled against yours with a deep breath as he inhaled you. His flannel smelled like pine, cotton, and sweat.

You stood there resting in his arms for a good minute or so before sniffling, "sorry," and pulling back to dab your swollen eyes and look at him. His eyes were different. Less aloof. His scowl had softened. You wondered how long it had been since someone hugged him. You asked, "do you wanna come in?"

Joel sat you down on the oversized sofa and got you a glass of water. Then, he comforted you as you tried to get a hold of yourself. It was refreshing having someone there. You hugged him from the side, and his armpit was warm and a little damp against your shoulder. Then you started thinking about Frank again and folded forward with your face in your hands.

"Hey, it's okay," he said, rubbing your back. Then he put his feet on the ottoman and gently pulled you back against the couch with his arm around you. You cuddled up to him again like a big, surly teddy bear. He rubbed your arm, then began to brush the inside of your elbow with his thumb. It was a comforting gesture. Entrancing, too. A little sensual. It certainly relaxed you. Somehow, you fell asleep with your head on his thighs.

-

You woke up when his lap shifted under you. He was stroking your head, and you could feel he was hard. You pretended not to notice, but when you sat up, he didn't shy away from adjusting himself like it was the most natural thing in the world. Maybe it was.

You wouldn’t know. You were mostly homeschooled and there was barely anyone your age, or even generation, in the community. By this point, it felt like there was no one left in Lincoln. Jesse was just gone one day, no kiss goodbye, not even a word. He always talked about going West, but you thought it was just a dream. Even Ellie and Riley went their own way when Ellie turned 18. You knew how hard that was for Joel, especially when he already lost Tess.

You averted your eyes from his jeans, then asked Joel, "What do you do? To deal with everything?"

Joel swallowed and clenched his jaw. His his eyes were dark. He hesitated, looked you over, then said, "Tell ya the truth? I'm the worst guy to ask. . . Shit, I knock myself out. I drink. I take pills."

You were flattered by his honesty and felt respected as an equal. Emboldened, you asked him, "Can you gimme some? I can't stop thinking about it. . .I cry every night."

“What, give you whiskey and pills?” Joel laughed, then saw how serious you were. It was surprising because you were so straight laced. You were of age but still never drank more than a sip of wine, and that was only if Bill or Frank insisted you taste a pairing. Never really snuck out. Never done more than kiss a guy - although you'd like to think you would've.

"I don't think your dads would like that, darlin'. I'm s'posed to keep ya safe–not sayin' you need keepin' safe–but I'm sure as hell not s'posed to give ya drugs 'n whiskey."

"I'd never tell," you promised, desperate for anything to get your mind off it and let you sleep. "if either of them ever makes it back." You started to cry again.

"Sorry, peaches." He kissed you on the head and you got butterflies. He stayed with you awhile longer until you stopped crying, then said good night.

You didn't expect to miss Joel, but you did, as soon as he stepped out the door. When you sat back down on the couch, it was even worse. You never realized how huge and deep that sofa was until you sat on it alone that night after Joel left.

You thought about Joel more and more. It was hard not to – he was the only person left. At least Jesse hardly crossed your mind anymore. Finally, after all that time wondering why he didn't say goodbye, you decided he just wasn't man enough. You wondered if you were ever truly attracted to Jesse anyway, or if he was just the only guy around.

- -

The next time Joel came over, you surprised yourself with your girlish reaction. Your cheeks burned as soon as you saw him, before you even answered the door. And when you noticed the whiskey bottle in his hand, your whole chest went hollow, making room for your affection. He was really treating you like the adult you were. You greeted him with a hug and his nose brushed your ear as he inhaled you. He smelled like whiskey, aftershave, and pine.

You got two glasses from the kitchen. He poured you a drink and slouched with his legs wide open and his long arm on the back of the couch. His other hand rested on his inner thigh. You asked if he was going to have a whiskey.

"Nah, had enough. Any more and I won’t be good company."

You wondered what that meant, but didn't pursue it. You sat shyly at the other end of the sofa and winced as you took a sip of your drink alone. You coughed and he came over and patted your back. Then he talked you through your next sip.

"Straight to the back of the throat. Can’t let it linger. Do the rest all at once.”

You took it as a shot.

“There ya go, darlin’. Good girl."

He resumed his splayed out posture at the other end of the couch and you sat where you were, still wincing and recovering from the drink. He gave you a subtle, knowing smirk and nodded toward his end of the couch.

You only moved half way down the sofa. "Get over here, darlin'," he said and patted the space right in front of his crotch. He brought his closest leg up onto the couch then coaxed you back between his arms and legs. You settled back into him, a little stiff at first. Nervous.

"Relax," he whispered. "You're safe. . . You're with me."

He rubbed the sides of your arms harmlessly, then his arms wrapped in front of you. His hands grazed your breasts lightly enough to pass for accidental as he hugged you. His breath deepened and his jeans twitched against yours, giving you butterflies between the legs. He slipped his arms under yours and you settled in like that, still nervous. You sat for what felt like a long time, and eventually, you relaxed into him. You felt the buzz of the whiskey.

Your head fell back against his shoulder. He stroked your head. He kissed you on the crown of your head every minute or so, comfortingly. Then, one time, his lips lightly touched the bare skin of your temple. Then your cheek. Then his hand nudged your face up toward his. You shifted your body to look at him and your hip moved against the bulge in his pants. He inhaled deeply at the friction, and your cheeks burned.

You studied his furrowed brow, wondering what he was thinking. Your heart raced and your skin felt hot from the buzz. Emotions ran high. You kind of wanted to do something, or you wanted him to do something. You just didn't know what, or how. He was still intimidating. You didn't know anything at all and were afraid to make a fool of yourself.

With heavy eyelids and rosy cheeks, Joel looked from your eyes to your mouth and back, then leaned in. When his nose brushed yours, you offered your lips and he closed the distance. He sucked in a chest full of air through his nose with his lips pressed into yours. You stayed mostly still as his tongue parted your lips and he seemed to suck the air out of your mouth. His tongue brushed yours and arousal flooded you. Then your lips embraced his and you let him taste your mouth.

His manhood swelled against you, much harder now, sending a rush to your core. Your heart pounded when you realized how wet you were getting. You scooted your butt forward, self-conscious of your contact with his privates. When you broke contact, Joel broke the kiss.

-

He stroked your head gently again and kissed your temple.

"You’ve never felt one before, have ya?" He asked soft and low as he slowly palmed the hard bulge in his jeans behind you.

Your face burned and you just barely shook your head no.

"It's ok, baby. It's s'posed to feel good."

"What is?" you asked shyly even though you figured you knew. You wanted to shrink into the sofa, but you'd be shrinking into him.

He gently pulled you back against him. With his hand on your stomach, he pulled you all the way in. His arousal was already stiffer, larger.

He lowered his voice and said, "Feelin' this against you, knowin' it's there." His hips lifted gently, and his hard package swelled against you. "It's s'posed to feel good. Nothin' to be ashamed of"

Butterflies swarmed inside you, multiplying, filling up your ribcage, your pelvis. He coaxed you into relaxing back on him again. He cradled you from behind and caressed your thigh for a minute, then his masculine hand slid between your knees, gently nudging them apart. His hand slid up one inner thigh and your legs opened for him all on their own.

"Feel it here?" he asked before he flattened his fingers and slowly, lightly felt the crotch of your pants. You didn't answer. You didn't have to. With several fingers, he ghosted a line from the seam of your pants up to your clit, driving you mad.

He pressed his hardness into you again with a soft grunt. His voice was low as he reassured you with his hand still between your legs. "See, what you're feelin' right here, it's natural. It’s right."

His other hand stroked your stomach, gradually approached your chest, then caressed your breast lightly with his hand mostly flat. His chest rose and fell under you. You inhaled deeply, your breast swelled into his hand, and he cupped it, grinding his hardness into you harder than before. Your nipples hardened and you got goosebumps all over.

You knew there was a pool in your panties, and you didn't want him to feel it if it seeped through your pants. If it hadn’t already.

As though reading your mind, Joel said in a near whisper, "and when it's wet here, that's a good thing." His thick fingers ghosted the crotch of your pants. "Means your body wants more."

"More what?"

"Well. . . We can figure that out together, darlin'." You weren't that naive, you just wanted to know what more meant to him.

He pressed his crotch into you again, hard as a rock, his fingers still lightly stroking you between the legs. “When you’re wet. . .makes me feel good, too. . . .” His breath was hot on your neck, then he began to leave open mouth kisses there.

Joel shifted behind you so you could see each other again. He took your hand in his. "Wanna feel it?" He put your hand on the hard bulge in his pants and thrust against it, biting his lip and lowering his already half-closed eyes. He was so hard, it made your whole body tingle. You could feel the outline of the head. It overwhelmed you with a level of arousal you never knew was possible.

-

"I think I should go to sleep," you said. It came out as a whisper

"Want me to tuck you in?" He asked with a twinkle in his eye, wrapping you in a hug. It was tempting. You suspected he meant more than that. Maybe he'd even stay over. You hated to see him go. It would be a jolting contrast to be all alone in this big house on all this land, not knowing when he might come back. But you couldn't bring yourself to say yes. It was something in your gut.

"Not tonight," you said.

Joel looked in your eyes and studied your face thoughtfully, then brushed your cheek. "Ok baby," he said. "Not tonight." He kissed your cheek. Feelin' a lil better though?"

"Yeah," you said. At least your mind was off things. You stood up and fidgeted with your hands behind your back.

He put his hands on his knees and stood up with a groan. You tried not to stare at the major protrusion in his jeans. He hugged you tight, and when you felt him from the front, it took your breath away.

"Why don’t you come by this week? We can go for a walk, pick some fruit. Trees are lookin’ real pretty.”

“Okay,” you said.

"Night, peaches." He kissed you on the cheek.

He left the whiskey there, but you wouldn't touch it without him.

-

You felt like you were aging a year a minute that night. Adults did these things. Even teenagers did these things. You were embarrassed to be several years into adulthood with no experience, no idea what you were doing. You were so far behind. You thought about Bill and Frank's attempt at "the Talk" – how precious you were and that you could love anyone, but needed to protect yourself. Especially from men. Joel seemed like the protector. Not someone you'd need protection from.

It was all happening so fast after years of nothing. You worried that if you didn't slow down, you'd miss it.

-

PART 2

Thank you so much for reading and engaging! It's really motivating to me and means the world 🖤

While you're waiting for the next part, consider catching up on my series that just wrapped (different story, Joel, & AU): Silence can never be bought, only rented.

-

-

Lincoln tag list: @fan-fiction-floozy @ivyblxnde @lhymer1995 @sugarspiceanthrax @isimpforfictionalmen @zynbsblog @swedishscumfuck @sadgirlstoohightocare @steveharringtonswh0re @skythighs @aoziety @leeeesahhh @jupitersmoon-cal @peekymoon @dtfawn @pedrosbabygirl @shotgun-shelby @romanarose @reader-without-a-story @shewantstoknow @jaxxiepup @yvonneeeee @elvinaa @internetobssesed1234-blog @jbcalway

All joel: @ethanhoewke @silkiers @eiviea @evyiione @xdaddysprincessxx @queerly-anxiousus @chernayawidow @ambassadortotrilliusprime  @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @jasminespringtime @romanarose @fandomsfallnomore

[painted-flag]

OF FLOWERS AND DEATH - aemond targaryen

Chapter 8: Marked Flesh

☾⋆⁺��✧ dark elf!Aemond Targaryen x f!human!reader series. ✧₊⁺⋆☾ series masterlist. ☾⋆⁺₊✧ word count: 3.8k ✧₊⁺⋆☾ series warnings: 18+ depictions of violence/gore, eventual smut, warfare, sickness/disease, some moments of misogyny, and mentions of alcohol consumption. ☾⋆⁺₊✧ Mysterious markings appear on the bodies of infected patients that leave you stumped in your research. In another turn of events, drunk words draw you into the enigma that is the royal family.

It was another day in the elven kingdom. You were dressed that morning by Amara and Liriel - who did not speak about the stunt you had pulled. Surprisingly so, your venture in the woods was not spread around. You wondered if Aemond was keeping it secret for his own sake. It would be embarrassing to admit a human was able to sneak past his guards and escape the castle. It could be just as easy to sneak in as opposed to sneaking out. 

You were glad he kept it secret regardless, for you wished not for the trust built between you and some elves to be broken. Revealing it to everyone would hurt not just your reputation, but Aemonds. It was, in a slight sense, relieving to have a mutual standing with the king. A draw was more like it. 

A smile made its way on your face as you approached your first patient visit of the day. Lyra was sitting in bed, staring up at the vaulted ceiling that spanned the length of the hall with intricately carved stone. The chandeliers glittered with light, casting the hall in a yellow warmth. 

“And how is my favourite elf?” You asked as you placed her food on the small wood table beside her bed. You snuck a bit of peach slices into the meal, as they were her favourite. 

Lyra’s wide and glistening eyes turned to you. Despite her obvious pain, she was still chock-full of wonder, “I have a question.” 

“And what is it, sweet girl?” You sat on the edge of the bed. She rolled up the sleeve of her white flowing dress. She exposed the upper portion of her bicep and revealed the inner area by her armpit. On the delicate skin were dark lines. They each moved in succession to one another, like scratches. 

“May I?” You questioned with your hand reaching out and she nodded to permit you. The pads of your fingers traced the markings gently. This was not something you had noticed in the other patients, nor was it in anything you read. They were gnarly and ridged, composed of rough marks.

You brought out your notes and wrote about it. You went through the standard questions you ask all the patients each morning - how are their symptoms, has anything changed, how much sleep did they get, and a few others to gauge how bad the taint has infected them. 

“I’m scared.” Lyra’s voice broke you from your focus. You looked up at her to see a faraway look in her eyes. 

“Of what?” 

Lyra then made eye contact with you and spoke plainly, “Death.” 

You were left unable to answer. What could be said to comfort a dying child? What possible words could be used to cover that void of fear? You put down your notebook and reached to grab both of her hands and rubbed the knuckles gently. 

“I want to say you are brave - and you are - but darling I wish you did not ever have to be. The healers and I are working tirelessly for a cure, just hold on. Can you promise me that? After I will take you wherever you wish to go, our little adventure.” Your smile was forced as you tried to keep your composure around her.

Lyra’s face lit up at your words, “Wherever I wish?” 

“Of course,” You ruffled her hair gently and got up from the bed. You stayed to make sure she broke her fast and then went about the rest of your rounds. 

For each patient you visited, you inspected their inner upper bicep and found the same strange markings that were on Lyra. You took note of each of the markings and asked the same questions, hoping that you could find a connection between everyone. After collecting that information, you rushed to the laboratory. 

Daeron was already there as he looked through a pile of books on one of the tables. He muttered to himself - a frequent habit of his to organize his thoughts. You coughed to catch his attention and not startle him. 

Daeron turned to see you, “Ah, how is the adventurer today?” He teased about your recent venture into the woods. 

“You know?” You sighed loudly. Daeron laughed and picked up the book he was looking for. 

“Helaena was told, so naturally, she told me.” Daeron gave you a mischievous smirk. You were not entirely surprised by that. The royal siblings seemed close, especially Daeron and Helaena. 

“Please, let's move on from this. I have some new findings.” At those words, Daeron perked up and approached you. You handed him your notebook to read what you wrote about the markings. “This came to my attention this morning.” 

You waited as Daeron flipped through the few pages. Occasionally he would look up at you and then back down. You could tell he was taking it all in and searching all the previous knowledge he had. 

“Curious,” He muttered, “Peculiar…” Daeron handed you the journal back and paced the laboratory. One of his hands gripped his chin in thought. You watched the elf contemplate for a few moments as he went back and forth. In a quick moment, Daeron snapped his fingers. He glided across the room and reached for a dusty old book. He opened it and started to frantically flip through the pages with determination on his face. 

“They almost look like…” He trailed off as the parchment pages turned. He stopped at a page and let out a hum of approval, “Like these.” He placed the book on a table in front of you and double-tapped the drawings on the page. You leaned in to take what he was presenting you. 

You saw similar markings, but these lines had been inflicted by a knife to the skin, not randomly appearing on them like the patients. You scanned the words and became even more confused.

“Casting marks?” You questioned. 

Daeron brushed a strand of silver hair out of his face, “Blood magic. When you cast strong enough enchantments, it demands a sacrifice of your blood.” 

“But the marks on the patients were not carved… they appeared.” Your brows furrowed. 

“It is only what they looked like to me,” Daeron spoke, “That is all.” Both of you stood in contemplative silence. You placed your sketchings next to the book and looked back and forth. They were exact, except for the fact that one was cut into skin and the other were black lines. 

A dull throbbing emerged in your head. Prior to this, you were confused, now even more so. It seemed that every time you made good headway, something came to stop it. There was almost intentionality in the changing of the taint. A change brought about by its wish to survive and destroy everything. 

“More information to keep you up at night.” Daeron broke the silence. You glanced towards him. 

“I just wish I brought all of my supplies with me. There might be something there.” You wondered about the possibility of something in your home helping. It was cluttered with items, ingredients, books, and trinkets you had collected in your years of research. While the laboratory and library here had surpassed expectations, you longed for the small room of your home. The quiet peace you got there and your ability to work for longer periods - not having to speak to people and just focus on what you needed to get done. 

Daeron patted you on the back, “I’m going to see what the marks look like on the patients.” He stepped back from you and approached the door to the hall. You were left to think, though mostly you just stared.  Frustration built up in you. A phrase you had gotten used to floated through your mind. One step forward, two steps back.

The bustling hall of elves was filled with merry music and chatter. It marked another week since the last dance. In that time, the bridge between you and other elves strengthened - particularly your relationships with Helaena and Daeron. They had been rocks in your stay in the kingdom, always aiding when needed. Amara and Liriel were not relaying your talks to the king, as Daeron reassured you. After, you allowed yourself to get closer to them and spoke on more personal topics. Truly, it had been a long time since you had others to call friends. 

You had yet to get close to Aegon, as he was often about on some adventure and never in the castle. However, he made it a goal to be present at all of the celebrations. He had stalked in to see you, Daeron, Amara, and Liriel at one of the tables. You wished Helaena was there, but understood her aversion to large crowds and loud noises. As Aegon approached, you saw that he carried a sack in his hands. 

“Lovely ladies!” While not drunk, there was an air of aloofness to him. He noticed his brother at the table, “Ah, you as well.” 

Daeron rolled his eyes and leaned back in his chair, “Should we be worried about whatever you are carrying in that bag?” 

Aegon feigned offence, “It burns me that you think lowly of me. In fact, it is good.” He reached in and pulled out a brooch. It was gold and embedded with jewels to resemble a honeybee. He handed it off to Amara. 

“One for you,” He said with his voice pitched up slightly. Aegon pulled another one out, this time it was silver and blue in the shape of a butterfly. “One for you.” He gave it to Liriel. 

Aegon reached you, “And for the lovely human that pissed off my brother and gave me a great laugh,” He pulled out a brooch that was made of silver. It was a beetle with their wings out. The wings were made of emeralds with the base of the bug being a large sapphire. He passed it to you and you felt the weight in your hands. Cool and surprisingly heavy for such a small object. 

“And you stole these from where?” Daeron interjected. 

“Not theft, brother. I won them in a gamble at some pub… uh, ‘the Merry Maiden’ no, that wasn’t it. Uh, ‘the Gilded Goblet’... no not that.” Aegon’s brows furrowed as he tried to recall the pub's name, but you understood he was likely too inebriated to remember where he was. “Helaena picked the dragonfly one, but I thought the others could make some fine gifts for my friends.” 

Liriel placed her brooch down on the table, “You simply wanted to give them to us?” 

“Alright,” Aegon sighed, “I was hoping one of you could make sure I reach my room tonight and not end up passed out in some room or field. I need to wake up early tomorrow.” You exchanged a look with Daeron, him hiding his smile behind his goblet. 

“I will,” You volunteered. Aegon smiled and thanked you before wandering off - likely to the nearest keg. 

“You will regret that,” Amara warned you in a joking tone, “Last time I tried to get him back to his room, I had to drag him down a hall by his boot.”  You looked to Liriel and Daeron for confirmation, to which they nodded vehemently. You sat back in your chair and sighed before taking a swig of your drink. You were begging to wonder if that was the best decision. 

Daeron got out of his chair and held his hand out to you, “Care for a dance?” 

“Of course,” You placed your hand in his and he escorted you to the floor. Many of the elvish dances are a lot like the ones back home, so you were glad there was not an extreme learning curve. “Have you spoken to her yet?” You remembered his confession the last time you two danced. The supposedly enchanting elf huntress he always treated consumed a large portion of his mind, yet he had been too embarrassed to far as to tell you her name. 

Daeron looked around the room with a faint blush on his cheeks, “I’m working on it.” 

“Ah,” You slowly nodded, “Yes I can see how much progress you have made.” Your sarcastic tone earned you a look of funny disapproval from him. 

“And what about you? Any person back home?” Daeron asked as he spun you around. 

You could not hold back the laugh that slipped from your mouth. You unclasped your hand from his and covered your mouth at the sudden outburst, “No. The options available are… less than desirable.” You tried to find the most gentle words to use and Daeron seemed to understand while he spun you around again. In just a short moment, the smile on Daeron’s face morphed into a serious one. 

You raised your brow at him as he stopped dancing and the two of you stood there. You turned to where he was looking and nothing could prepare you for what you saw. Aemond was right there, with his hands clasped behind his back and a smug look on his face. He never came to these dances, from what you heard, so why was he here now?

“Forgive me, brother,” Aemond spoke to Daeron, “I shall step in.” The blood in your veins turned to ice. Daeron looked at your reaction and stepped close to you. 

“We must discuss a bit of research,” He intervened. 

Aemond hummed, “I am sure you two will have plenty of time on the morrow.” He held his hand out to you and you knew there was no way to deny him - especially in front of the eyes of all the elves in the room. You placed your hand in his and were surprised at the feeling. The skin was cold and rough, his hand larger than yours. Aemond nodded to his brother before moving you away and proceeding to dance. 

The feeling of him being so close reminded you of the sword he held against your throat, yet little fear came over you. He smelled of burning wood and parchment, with something akin to a medley of spices. Aemond did not speak but carefully guided you through the steps. Confusion was not a good enough word to describe your bewilderment. This was the only time you had ever seen him operate with a modicum of respect and possibly kindness. 

That sentiment died the moment he spoke. 

“You two needed to discuss research? Am I correct in guessing that your little adventure was for nothing?” Aemond taunted. The two of you spun before going back to the calm back-and-forth stepping. Other elves around you kept a portion of distance from the king and granted him more leeway on the dance floor.

You knew you had to remain as calm and poignant as possible, “No, your grace,” You would never outright address him as king for as long as you could, “We have yet to begin testing the flowers.” 

“I would advise not to be disappointed when it fails, but I am sure you are used to it.” Aemond’s smugness always managed to dig deep. You could not help but wonder, in all the years of his life, how nobody had yet to knock some sense into him. While none of the other royal siblings had spoken about it, you surmised there had to have been parents or some guardian in their youth to raise them. His siblings were kind, why was he not? 

“Then why did you save me?” Your question caused him to look at you. A glint of confusion shone in his eye. “You wish for me to fail, I could have then and there in that forest. Are you so selfish in your hate towards my kind that you would jeopardize a possible chance of saving and curing your people?”

Aemond’s grip on your hand and waist tightened, though not greatly enough to cause discomfort, “I did not jeopardize anything. If you can recall, I did save you.” His voice lowered in both volume and pitch. 

“Then why?” You questioned again, “Why did you save me?”

“You forget easily, I already told you,” Aemond reminded, “For my sister.” 

“For your sister?” Your tone was not convinced. Ultimately, if you looked at him closely, he looked just a tad nervous. There was an underlying feeling of anxiety in the way his eye darted around the room. He acted indifferent, but there was only so much falsity one could use before they ran out.

“You ask a mighty amount of questions.” Aemond deflected. 

“I wouldn’t be good at what I do if I was bad at asking questions.” You raised your eyebrow as a silent challenge. He turned his gaze back to you, a subtle fire in his eye. Before he could make a retort, you spoke again, “You did not answer my question.” 

Aemond scoffed, “Get used to disappointment.” 

You gave him a feigned and innocent look of confusion and kept your tone polite, “Did you not start this very conversation saying I was used to disappointment? Do you forget easily?” He did not appear to like you and disliked how you used his own words against him. The music came to an end and he pulled away from you as if burned from the contact. 

He looked as though he was going to speak, but chose not to. Aemond stalked off and passed through elves that immediately parted and bowed their heads. While making a big deal of not tolerating anything, he sure did let you get away with a lot. Why must he go out of his way to make you miserable? Does he not have a myriad of tasks to tackle as king?

It was not until he disappeared from your vision that Daeron approached.  

He gripped your shoulder with a worried expression, “Aemond said something horrible, didn’t he?” 

You gave him a reassuring tight-lipped smile, “Just the usual.” Daeron sighed with disappointment and wrapped his arm around your shoulders to guide you off the dance floor and back to the table with Amara and Liriel. Daeron pulled out your chair and you sat down. When you were gone, food had been brought to the table and you settled in to relax and talk with your friends.

You had lost track of the hours as the night passed. Despite Aemond’s attempt to spoil your night, it was significantly better than the last celebration. It was only a week ago, but you had been so new to the castle and unsure of yourself. Now, you had felt stronger after making good connections. It was incredibly fun to bond more with them. 

Since elves lived such long lives, they were never short on stories to tell. Naturally, time passed quickly. Daeron had just finished speaking when you saw Aegon in the distance. He stumbled towards the grand doors that were left open, his clothing somewhat dishevelled.  

“Excuse me, but I am tired and it looks like Aegon may accidentally take a tumble down a flight of stairs if he is not watched.” You pushed out your chair, bowed your head goodbye to them and rushed to the prince. He just made it past the threshold when he stumbled and fell on his knees. You reached him and put one arm across the upper part of his back and the other on the front of his stomach. 

“Ah,” His lopsided smile greeted you, “My saviour.” 

“Come on, let's walk,” You helped to lift him and began a wobbly trek down the halls of the castle. The two guards assigned to watch you followed closely behind. 

The walk took longer than it should have, given that Aegon fell multiple times and it took great strength to get him up again. You wondered if you should ask the guards for help, but decided against it. Every time you had tried to talk to them previously had been met with absolute silence. You had to ask him for directions to his room, which took him a long time to remember. 

Once you reached the door to his quarters, you resisted a loud sigh of relief. You leaned him up against the stone wall to open the door. After another few minutes of struggle, you managed to get him onto his bed. He yawned loudly and stretched out his arms. 

“I am sorry you have to deal with me,” Aegon mumbled. 

You were caught off guard and confused by his words, “What makes you say that?” 

“Helaena is so smart and Daeron has his success in healing. Aemond is the king and I, well, I am a drunk.” Aegon shakily moved his hands to gesture to his body. You removed his boots and placed them at the foot of the bed. 

While you were pouring water into a chalice to place on the bedside table, you thought of a response, “You do not have to be a drunk.” 

“But that is what I am good at.” You moved to sit on the side of the bed, your feet lifting a few inches off the floor. Aegon’s eyes were half-lidded.

“Gods know he won’t remember this,” You whispered to yourself before you raised your head to look at him, “Do you know how many of my people would kill to live as long as you? To learn and grow, to hone skills and make a difference? You have been given a gift, don’t waste it.” Your tone bordered on harsh, but you reeled it in. Something told you deep down that lashing out at him would only make the situation worse. There was no guarantee that come the morrow, these words would stick, but it was better than saying nothing at all. 

You got off the bed and made your way to the door. Your hand gripped the wrought steel handle of the wooden door. When you opened the door and allowed the torchlight of the hallway to seep in, Aegon called out your name. You turned to him to see him on the bed still, but his face looked as though he had more clarity. 

“My brother is not bad, just confused in his way and lashes out,” Aegon spoke.

“What?” You questioned. Your grip on the handle tightened.

Aegon rose slightly to fluff the pillow below him with a huff, “I saw him speaking to you. It is not my place to say, but he is not what he tries desperately to convince people of.” 

“And what is that?” Your query was met with a beat of silence. The distant shouts of the party were long drowned out, nothing but the crackling of the hearth and buzzing of the fireflies outside occupied the room.

“Evil.” His words echoed in your head. 

You gave him a shaky smile, though your heart was not fully in it, “Get some rest, Aegon.” With that, you left his room and closed the door. For a few moments, you stood unable to move. The family you had been exposed to since your meeting with Helaena was more complex than you could have imagined; a fine distraction you did not want to sink into and distract from your research. However, your curiosity had always been your greatest strength and weakness.

Chapter 9: Home and Hearth Preview

“I do not hate you,” Your words caused him to stop. You were slightly fearful, but it waned with each passing day, “I do not know you enough to hate you.” 

“But you have heard enough,” Aemond’s voice had dropped back down to a natural volume, contrasting his combative attitude from before. He shifted on the saddle and scanned the darkened forest.

“Stories, yes, but I doubt them more with each day. I have not seen you gut anyone, or drink the blood of your fallen foes, or anything else like that.” You reasoned. Your fingers brushed the purple petals of the flowers in front of you.

Aemond looked away from you and towards the flowers on the ground, “How do you know I do not do those things?”

✧₊⁺⋆☾ I have a poll going at the moment regarding an idea for future writing. If you are interested, you can vote here.

☾⋆⁺₊✧ If you want to be added to the taglist, click here!

taglist: @izzicle @arriettys-song @ggukiespace @wasntpriscilla @marielahurtado @shamelessblazecrown @peachysunrize @lolliespocketfullofpollies @lanadragon04 @kokosg @sinistersnakey @aemondtargaryenwifey @m-riaa @sarcasticwitch11 @coriellesmarya @simpinonyouz @scrumptiousloser @gcdofchaos @whorrorbellee @saturnssrings @ashjade19 @uniquecutie-puffs @fan_goddess @impossiblepersonastranger @certifiedhaters @crystal_siren @dejiekoo @ladyofthewoods15 @lilostif16

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

All the Good Girls Go To Hell 22

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, power imbalance, injury, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You come home for the summer but your break is not as relaxing as you expect.

Character: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers

Note: Enjoy.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

The short distance to Bucky’s bedroom is made longer by his drunken state. He’s unsteady and so are you. You keep your arm around his back, terrified of him fall one way or the other. You manage to angle him through the door and barely get him to the bed before he tips. 

He lands face down and giggles into the blanket. You’ve never heard a noise like that from him. Naomi always says to sleep on your stomach when you’re drunk. 

You stare at him for a moment and he turns his face out, puffing out air around your name. You hover at the foot of the bed, uncertain. 

“Doll,” he reaches and arm out blindly. 

“Um, one second, I... I’m gonna grab a bucket in case your sick.” It’s really just an excuse to sort out your thoughts, if you can. 

You go into the bathroom and snatch up the little bin beside the sink. Your return to Bucky as he grumbles. You put the bucket beside the bed and touch his elbow. 

“Alright, if you feel sick, you can just use this.” You recall all the times Naomi was an utter mess. You’re embarrassed how many times you let her drag you into her chaos. 

“Dolllllll,” he drawls and latches onto your wrist before you can recoil. “Don’t leave me.” 

“It’s okay, just stay on your stomach.” You open and close your fingers as you strain against his grasp. Even half-out of his mind, he’s much stronger than you. “Bucky, please, you gotta sleep this off.” 

“Please,” he babbles. “I can’t be alone, doll.” 

“But...” you murmur and swing your arm with his. He won’t let you go. 

Your eyes find his blue ones. His cheeks are tinged red from the alcohol and his head wobbles as he fights himself. The scene plucks at your heart. Just the way Naomi did when she was like this. Maybe it’s a flaw in you but you can’t just leave him like this. If something were to happen... 

“Alright, okay, Bucky,” you pet the back of his hand, tracing the thick veins. “You gotta let go so I can turn off the light, alright?” You look down his body, his legs half-off the bed. “And you need to move up a bit.” 

He garbles and shakes his head. “You’re gonna leave me, just like her.” He sniffles. “I’m sorry, doll. I never... I never meant for it to be like this.” He groans and squeezes you tighter. “I tried to help her. I did. I shouldn’t have... shouldn’t have done it like that.” 

“Shhh, please,” you rub his knuckles. “You just need to let go. I promise, I’ll stay.” 

“Promise?” He croaks. 

“Yes.” You tap his hand. 

He heaves and shudders. He lets you go reluctantly and his arm drops onto the mattress. He groans and drags his hands across the bed and lifts himself, just enough to pull his head up to the pillows. The bed lurches as he falls flat again. 

Slowly you cross the room and stop by the door, fingers hovering before the light switch. 

“Don’t leave...” he moans. 

You promised. You shut off the light and come back to the bed. You’ve done this a dozen times with Naomi. He’ll fall asleep fast enough. 

You climb up and lay down behind him. You stretch out stiffly on your back and stare at the shadowy ceiling above. You’re anxiety keeps you on edge. It isn't right being in his room like this, or the same bed as him. You just want to go back to guest room and sleep. 

You feel him relax as the bed dips with the release of tension. He rolls clumsily and untangles his arm from under him. He reaches it across and hooks it around your middle. He pulls himself closer and buries his nose against your shoulder. You wince but don’t resist. 

“You’re so sweet to me,” he slurs. He sighs and sinks down, his arm heavy across you. “Night, doll.” 

“Night, Bucky. Sleep it off.” 

You put your hand on his as it curls around your side. He inhales deeply and lets it out. His next breath is a snort. His snores rumbles out from his chest against your shoulder. You close your eyes. You’re not going to sleep well, if at all, but he’ll feel worse than you in the morning. 

🎀

Despite yourself, you doze off. You drift in an ebb and flow of exhaustion. At times, you can sense the room on the other side of your eyelids, overly aware of your body and the one beside you. Then all once, you’re swallowed up into the thick depths stirring with the dregs of your subconscious or plunged into endless black. 

You wake to a beam of sunlight between the curtains. Your back is tight as you remain flat. Bucky is curled up around you, his beard tickling your shoulder as he clings to your waist. His dark hair hangs over his face and tremors with his even breaths. He looks unusually small. 

You shift carefully, gauging his reaction as first you extend and arm, then wiggle free of his grasp. You gently ease his elbow down and sit up, shimmying to the edge as he burrows his face into the pillows. You stand and stare down at him. You need your glasses. 

You retrieve your glasses from the guest room then continue down to the kitchen. Your pour a tall glass of water and return to Bucky. You put it on the nightstand with a bottle of advil. You check the bucket. Nothing. 

You’re not sure how long he’ll be out. You grab your phone and bring it with you outside. You sit on the deck and tap ignore over all the angry messages. Naomi isn’t taking this well. What worries you more is that your mother hasn’t even tried to call or text. 

What are you going to do? You can’t stay here forever. It’s not fair to Bucky. He’s already been used. For all that he said, you’re not sure if you can believe him. Judging by last night, he’s not in the best place. 

You put your phone down and stare at the sky. You stay like that for a while. Your life is a mess. It won’t stay this way, it can’t. You have to go back to school soon. Your mom won’t ice you out forever. And eventually your dad will be back from his trip. 

The more you think about the cracks, the worse you feel. You don’t think you deserve this but maybe you do. You were coasting on a free ride for too long. Of course your mom would be frustrated. You should’ve got a job before you went off with Naomi. You’re not a kid anymore. 

Then everything with Steve. That hurts more. Your mom didn’t believe you but each day, you remember a little bit more. The wine, it had to be the wine. You know you didn’t dream it. 

The sliding door scrapes in the frame and you sit up. You hadn’t realised how far you’d hunched down. You turn as Bucky stumbles through. He only has a pair of sweats on as he braces his head and sips from the glass. 

“I thought you were gone,” he mutters as he crosses the deck. 

“No, just letting you sleep.” You turn back to look at the yard. 

He lowers himself to sit on the step next to you. He gulps and groans. He sets the glass aside and cradles his head. 

“I... I embarrassed myself, didn’t I?” He hides behind his hands, his dark hair tangled at the ends. 

“No. You just... had a rough night. We all have them.” 

He chuckles dryly and lifts his head, shying away from the sunlight as he shields himself with his hand. “You’re too nice. Too nice, doll.” He grumbles and combs his hair back, his fingers catching. “I was a mess. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to... well, I don’t know. Can’t really remember.” 

“You can’t?” You perk up. Are you relieved? Disappointed? 

“Nuh uh. Thank god you stopped me. I think I woulda finished the bottle.” He bends his arms over his knees and huffs. “You got me to bed. Thanks.” 

“It wasn’t that bad. You were... dizzy.” 

You roll one fingertip around another and peer across the grass. Last night replays in your head. You wish you could forget too. It would be easier for both of you. 

“I said something?” He wonders. 

You shrug. 

“Doll, you’re quiet. I can’t lie and say I’m not terrified right now. Did I... do something? Please tell me I didn’t.”  

You take a breath. You can’t do it anymore. You can’t leave things unsaid and undone. You can’t keep sweeping it all under the rug. With Naomi, you just let it all go. You ignored it but that’s how this all happened. You need to start being honest, with others as much as yourself. 

“Did you really mean it?” You ask. 

“Mean what?” His timbre crackles nervously. 

He’s watching you. You can’t bare to look at him. You reach to play with the arm of your glasses and fix them on your nose. 

“You said... that you think of me. All the time.” 

His silence is like an anvil falling from the sky. The echo of its impact nearly bowls you over. He clears his throat. 

“I said all that?” He whispers. 

“Not too much. I thought you were upset about Naomi but you said... you told me I broke your heart. How can that be?” You give a dry smile. 

He drops his head again and his shoulders slump. “Fuck.” 

“It’s okay. I can forget it--” 

“No, but I can’t. Not now that I know.” He sighs and sits up. He grips his knees. “I can’t forget because it’s the truth. I know it’s complicated and I know you’ll hate me for it, just like her. Doll, I’m--” he winces as you look at him. His face pales and his lips slacken. He looks as if he’s been struck. “Doll, I’m a fool. I’m head over heels for ya and just you looking at me makes me want to melt into a puddle.” 

You blink. You could handle the drunken confession. People do stupid things when they’re drunk and they say more. 

“And you’re looking at me all scared and it’s like a knife in my chest.” He cringes and shakes his head. “Look, I don’t wanna fuck this up too. I’ll... I’ll get you somewhere away from me. I’ll do what I shoulda done before. I won’t be selfish, not with you.” 

“What are you saying?” You sniff. 

“Doll, I love you but if you stay here, I won’t be able to hold back. So it’s best that you get away from me. I’ll take care of ya. Pay for everything but it’s taking everything in me right now not to wrap you up and never let go.” He grips his head and whimpers. “I’m fucked up. I know it.” 

Your chest is at battle. It’s heavy but hollow. Your head is spinning and your fingertips singe as if you’ve touched a hot stove. No one’s ever said anything like that to you. It’s the sort of thing you dreamed of as a doe-headed teenager and the same thing you resigned to fantasy when none of the boys in college even looked your way. 

Well, he’s the only one who wants you. The only one who cares enough to set his own needs aside. Your own parents can’t be bothered to do the same. You’re just an afterthought to everyone. Except for him. 

You push yourself up and plod down the steps. You pace around the cements tiles etched with leafy designed. You circle around and around. 

“Doll...” Bucky’s tone is broken. 

You stop and look at him. You’re confused and scared. You don’t know what else to do but you can’t handle being cast out again. First your mom, then dad, then Naomi. One more and you might just believe every single doubt. 

“I want to stay. Can I?” You ask. 

He flinches. His brows draw together and his lip twitch. He reels dizzily and his lashes flutter. 

“Stay?” 

“Yeah, I... I don’t wanna be alone.” 

He nods and runs his fingers along his thick beard. “Me either, doll, but... you heard me, didn’t you? You understand what I told ya?” 

You purse your lips and take a shaky step towards him. Then another. And another. He tilts his head to look up at you as you stop right in front of him. You reach to put your hands on his shoulders and you lean over him. 

“You said you love me.” You eke out. 

“I do, but you...” 

“I can. I can try. I... I never tried.” You squeeze him.  

His eyes blaze up at you, gleaming with hope. “I can be patient, doll. We’ll try together.” 

“Sure,” you gulp. 

“Please, doll, please, can I kiss you?” He begs. 

Your cheeks pinch and your lashes flicker. You wet your lips and dip your chin down, “okay.” 

His hands fall onto your hips and crawl up your back. As you bend over him, your glasses slip and you cry out as they slide down your nose and hit his face. You pull back and swipe them away. 

“Sorry!” You squeak. 

“Nah, doll,” he laughs and keeps hold of you, “I don’t mind.” 

You clutch your glasses tight and lean your fist on his shoulder. He brings you back to him and presses his lips against yours. You inhale sharply as his warmth seeps into you. He purrs and wraps his arms around you. He pulls you off your feet and into his lap. You wiggle and part to gasp. 

“Sorry, doll. Can’t help myself.” He grins up at you. You’ve never been looked at like that. It feels nice, right? 

[imintoomanyfandomscuzihaveadhd]

Random ass spider headcanons that are in my maladaptive daydream

Warning: Not proof read, Cussing, probably OOC, acro ace kiri, mentions of AOT,

First and foremost FUCK HIS FOSTER FAMILY UNCLE NORM RAISED SPIDER 😤

His pain tolerance is through the roof. Like he fell out of a tree and was confused on why Lo’ak was freaking out, he looked down and was like “oh my leg’s broke”

He also like never gets sick but when he does it’s bad

Poor baby got abandonment and anger issues 😭

Probably projecting but he’s got ADHD. It was worse when he was little but he still has his hyper manic episodes

This boy radiates so much heat it’s not even funny

HE CAN SING 😩 AND PLAY THE GUITAR 😫

However he can’t dance worth shit💀 all he can do is a awkward shuffle

Projecting (again) but he tries to take care of his hair but gives up really easily. Like he will have a solid hair routine for like a week and just forgets about it instantly

subconsciously brings samples back to the lab.

This poor boy is touch starved please give him a hug

Most of the young Na’vi kids love him despite their parents distaste

Secretly watches his parents video diaries but pretends like he never wants to see them especially his dads

Him and norm watch old anime and superhero movies that was saved on drives

His hair grows hella fast

He’s a very fast learner

He knows Spanish definitely can and will cuss anybody who doesn’t understand it out

Lyle: “SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE’S SAYING I DONT SPEAK TACO BELL”

Lopez:😭🤣

Has crazy ass sleepwalking spells. Like everyone in the lab literally couldn’t find him. Norm decided he would go avatar to look for spider outside and spider was dead ass asleep in the pod💀

He also sleeps like a rock like the whole lab could get blown away and he would still be sleeping

Morning boi. Like why is he up at 5:30am eating breakfast watching old Pokémon reruns on a Wednesday 🤨

His room is a disaster

Steals avatar/recom clothes

Norm: “Spider, give me back my shirt it’s like 6x your size”

Spider, who looks like a toddler cuz the shirt is so big: “So? You just jealous I look hotter than you in it🙄”

I feel like there’s random period where spider will just wonder off into the forest when he’s not feeling mentally well. And it’s ok because he got the ewya armor

Like he’s found his own secret caves and groves to go to when he’s upset or just wants to be alone

Him and loak once stole the Navi equivalent to alcohol, got drunk and Jake beat their ass

Helps teach Navi kids English

Him, loak, kiri, havin waifu talk after spider showed them the wonderful world of anime

Lo’ak: “historia is top tier”

Spider: “man fuck historia have you seen ANNIE AND MIKASA 😩”What can I say man loves him a strong woman

Kiri: “acro ace vibing with hange”

Boy’s oblivious as hell

omeone will flirt with him and 3 day later while he’s chilling in the lab he’ll go: “HOLY SHIT……THEY WERE FLIRTING WITH ME-”

The waifu one was based off these videos here

@hyperfixatedfandomer @naavispider @today-or-tumble

[htchnr]

01 ★ minecraft HCs ❥ A. HOTCHNER.

➻❥ masterlist. ➻❥ patreon.

CW ➥ fluff so sweet it'll make you sick ⋆ brief one second mention of alcohol ⋆ if i missed anything, lmk!

WC ➥ 1,2k. SONG ➥ you are the right one , sports.

SUMMARY ➥ certain mobs and how i think it would go with Aaron and what he'd think of them.

★ - © 2023 HTCHNR. do not copy, share or translate my work to this platform, or any other! - ★

༺★ his first encounter with a hostile mob would DEFINITELY be with a creeper 🫣 at first he'd glance past it and think it was a strange shrub. (the game looks strange anyway, maybe he just hasn't seen this type of shrub before)

༺☆ so he goes to investigate ... he gets pretty close ... until the 'shrub' turns around and he's met with a very much alive mob. and TWO seconds later, the poor man is met with hissing, then a boom and a second later 'you died!' 😔💔

༺★ he huffs, sitting on the couch perplexed, wth was that??????? you were at work currently, and he knew you were in a meeting so he had to text you his confusion.

THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE when you get a text from him saying ; 'what are the tall bushes with faces on them?' you nearly snort out loud when your eyes glance over the text. so when you're out of the meeting you immediately call him, you MUST know what the HECK he's talking about.

"Aaron have you been drinking??" you start the call with, checking your watch, that says 2:47PM. no way he'd be drunk right?

Aaron is confused. "no???"

"what do you mean with the text 'the tall bushes with faces on them'????"

"i walked up to a tall bush, it turned around, had a face on it, hissed and then exploded and killed me. why did it do that????"

you were nearly in TEARS from laughing, the poor man just sitting silently on the other end of the phone. "what's so funny? 🥲💔"

when you calm down from your laughing fit, you explain that they're creepers, and when you get too close the sort of sizzle and explode.

he huffs, his character walking back to pick up his stuff that he dropped when he died. "that's rude." new tears prickle at your eyes when you hear him repeat the verbal stim you haven't been able to let go of for weeks. you rub off on him a little too much maybe.....

༺☆ with baby zombies he definitely gets spooked the first time, like wth just hit him?????? from where?????????????? and then he looks down and sees a baby zombie — he's done. running. the baby zombie was near your house? yeah Aaron is sitting on a dirt tower on the complete other side of the biome. 😭

༺★ speaking of dirt towers — that's the first thing you taught him. need to get away from mobs? dirt tower. need to get to higher ground to see where you are? dirt tower. or a tower made of really anything you have in your inventory.

༺☆ Aaron masters the skill of dirt towers quickly — though, forgetting from time to time that it's not the best idea to use a dirt tower to get away from a skeleton... he's been shot down more times than he'd like to (or ever will) admit.

༺★ other mobs? oh he's fine with literally ANYTHING else than spiders and baby zombies.

༺☆ definitely thinks the endermen are sophisticated beings, (they get bonus points in his book when you show him the City Texture Pack where they're wearing suits. he 100% approves of them and likes them) he is most definitely a little (very) sad they're considered as hostile mobs and they'll attack him when he looks at them.

༺★ definitely HATES drowned 😭😭 'i just wanted to pick up the lily pad why are they after me????????????'

wait till he encounters the ones with tridents 😭 at first he doesn't even see where he's getting hit from, not seeing any drowned (yet) nor any other mobs besides regular fish that can't harm him. fast forward to when the drowned misses it's shot, landing the trident beside Aaron. he jumps, desperately looking around to see where it came from.

"are there things that throw tridents???" he asks, frustrated with the amount of damage he's taking from the seemingly INVISIBLE enemy.

you look up from your Switch and at the tv, seeing Aaron knee deep in a lake. "there are drowned that throw tridents, think of them like the skeletons of the water basically."

he frowns, fan-fucking-tastic.

༺☆ OMG the moment dolphins randomly attack him 😭😭 he'll definitely be pissed. 'who's hitting me??? i don't see any drowned??????????' and just when he looks around, he sees a dolphin coming at him and hitting him 😭

༺★ he'd be heartbroken tbh, suddenly thinking every passive mob will hurt him until you show him that like 99% doesn't attack you like llamas and dolphins do 😭

༺☆ zombies = average. he finds there groaning a little annoying, but what he dislikes the most is if he's building, and he accidentally drops something and a zombie is near, that it'll pick up his stuff. like excuse them?????? that's his??? give his iron axe back and let him get back to chopping trees??????

༺★ spiders? hell. no. hates them. period. he's almost a little like you with irl spiders — avoids them like the plague and gets a little jumpy when he finds them. the first time he encountered one it jumped at him out of NOWHERE, causing him to jump a little, instantly moving to build a dirt tower while he recovers.

༺☆ though, only to be smacked right off said tower, the spider going right after him again after it had climbed the tower. 'why are the spiders so damn big??????? and why can they climb walls????' now he understands why you put edges around your house, not only to look pretty but to prevent the spiders from scaling the building. noted..

the start of Minecraft may be chaotic AF for him, but Aaron loves nothing more than to get comfy on the couch with you and play for hours. 🥰

Aaron x minecraft is living in my DREAMS y'all 😭😭🩷 i cannot stop writing small drabbles and HCs UHGGGG 😩😭🩷

[creativehomicide]

I saw people writing doppel headcanons so I wanted to post my own, along with some drawings for how I think their anatomy works

So my headcanon for doppelgangers is that their original forms are comprised of many MANY thin tentacles that intertwine together and morph in order to take the shape of what they want to turn into. The green hands we see before a doppelganger kills the doorman aren't part of their default form, but more so one of many adaptations they can make to their bodies meant for attacking. These tentacles are very flexible and stretchy, and they can heal quickly, making it difficult to kill a doppel.

Doppelgangers are capable of shapeshifting into humans and animals, as well as more monstrous transformations, however the latter is rarely used for long periods of time due to it depleting so much energy. They don't really use it unless it's an emergency (or if the doppel is stupid and overestimates itself/doesn't think things through.)

I imagine they can also weaponize parts of their body to form sharp blades or spikes, or more advanced variations. The best comparison I can think of are the aliens from Parasyte.

It's rare to see a doppelganger in its original form since it doesn't revert back after it's killed, it remains in the last form it took before dying. Also most of the time when someone witnesses a doppelganger mid-transformation, it's from one disguise to another. Plus they shapeshift fast so if someone happens to see a doppel go from the original form to a different one, they only get a brief glimpse.

Doppelgangers are carnivorous and subsist on a diet of raw meat. While in theory it is possible for a doppelganger to survive on a human-free diet, humans are considered the most nutritious and "tastiest." The fact that most doppelgangers have a strong disdain for humanity leads to very few attempting to put that into practice. Cannibalizing fellow doppelgangers has similar benefits, however it has the potential to cause illnesses. They're capable of eating small amounts of human food but too much also causes sickness.

Alcohol also doesn't affect doppels. I imagine if the government was trying to create spies for infiltration missions, doppelgangers getting drunk would be a huge liability so they made them have a high alcohol resistance, plus resistance to poison. (Which unfortunately makes them much harder to kill)

They're also programmed to be fluent in all languages upon reaching maturity, which helps for spy missions. This can be used as a way to detect doppelgangers though. If the doppel isn't paying attention and you switch over to a different language, they tend to immediately switch over to that language as well. Granted this trick only works if you know another language and they're disguised as a person that you're certain ISN'T fluent in that language.

Doppelgangers mature quickly and reproduce at a crazy rate, which is why the doppelganger problem grew so quickly after only a decade. However, a lot of doppelgangers attempt to assimilate and hunt humans before they've reached maturity and fully grasped their shapeshifting capabilities. This is why a lot of doppelgangers we come across in the game are so bad at replicating appearances or don't understand basic human behaviors; it's because they're children and are still learning.

(You look me dead in the eye and tell me this wasn't written by a child /lh)

That's about all the headcanons I have so far. If you actually read through this, thank you and feel free to share your own thoughts in the replies or in my askbox

💜

[simpforchuchu]

Uhh maybe Tsukasa version of the drunk s/o with Fujio

Takajo Tsukasa x drunk reader | Hcs

a/n: Hii! Here is your request, i hope you like it 🤗💕

Sorry for the grammer or spelling mistakes.English is not my main language so...

Thank you and love you 🥰

Warnings: none

• Tsukasa is definitely not a lightweight drinker

•  So he has no problem with alcohol. 

• But he prefers it only on special days or celebrations.

• Booked a place at a fancy restaurant for your anniversary and suprised you

•  You look so beautiful in your sweet dress that he already feels dizzy...

•  A sweet kiss, a warm hug, little gifts and let the night begin!

•  He has ordered both of your favorite wines and is admiring you.

•  Even the little things you tell him about your day make him happy, he wants to know everything that makes you smile :')

•  And yes, he knows how fast you drink the glasses

•  He's not drunk but when he look at the color of your cheeks he's sure you're drunk

•  "That's enough honey"

• when you chuckle and shake your head at what he just said, he just wants to kiss you

•  "I'm not brave enough for some things yet."

•  You think he hasn't heard, but he certainly did. 

• He'll grin and shake his head

•  He absolutely loves your wine-red cheeks.

•  He usually has a calm personality.But you can go crazy with him as much as you want.

•  he loves you for who you are

•  Your shameless words just make him laugh, he knows you'll be embarrassed when you remember them

•  Not only is he admiring you, he'll smile when you put your chin in your hand and watch him

•  "Why are you looking at me like this?"

•  "You're so beautiful, you know that right?"

•  Oh god, a little cute blush will appear on his face but ofc he won't admit it

•  Lots of you teasing him and he smiles

•  But now it's time to go home, he knows you're sleepy

•  You were holding his hand tightly, he knows you're more clingy than usual and he likes it

•  When you came out, it had started to rain lightly. 

• Although he wanted to take a taxi, you refused and said you wanted to walk.

•  He's worried about you getting sick, so he took off his jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

•  He chuckled and smiled as you placed your hands on his shoulders and he gently placed his hand on your cheek and gave you a sweet kiss.

•  Was hoping you'd make it home with no problems but no, it's raining and this romantic night must go on

•  He silently listened to you as you started humming a song sweetly, and he too was smiling broadly as you waved your hands through the empty streets.

•  He got another shock when you suddenly turned to him and said "let's dance"

•  His warm hands on your waist and his admiring face

•  A sweet little dance and your voice...

•  You definitely don't care about your wet and messy hair.

•  He doesn't want this moment to ever end

•  But however, after a while he stopped you and said you had to go home

•  Everything was funnier when you came home

•  Lots of kisses and naughty thoughts

•  He likes your flirty side but you're drunk so he'll have to hold back everything

•  He'll hold your hand and help you dry your hair in the bathroom and put on your pajamas.

•  When you both get under the blanket, he will pull you close to him and play with your hair.

•  "You're not gonna sleep, are you?"

•  He chuckled as you shook your head quickly and placed a kiss on your hair.

•  "Tsukasa-kun?"

•  "Hmm?"

•  "Did you like what you saw while dressing my pajamas?"

•  He will sigh and laugh when you ask with a grin.

• He will scold with a fake anger and smile.

•  "If you don't sleep now, I won't be buying you those strawberry shortcakes I bought you again."

•  Aghh of course he's lying, he can't miss seeing your happy face as you were eating them...

HnL taglist : @straysugzhpe @tiddly-winx

[igotanidea]

Drunk: multifandom imagine

chug! chug! chug! chug!

Screaming and chanting of the crowd around only encouraged her in all her action. Without any hesitation, but a bit unsteadily she climbed the table and grabbed the bottle of wine someone handed to her. It only took a few minutes to empty it completely and with a wicked grin she threw the empty glass on the floor, causing it to shatter.

“YEAH!” she yelled, almost falling from the edge, being saved only by the people below, who were quick enough to catch her and put her back on the ground. “LET’S PARTY PEOPLE!”

Y/N Y/L/N was freaking tired of being a good girl.

Perfect daughter, never stepping out of line and listening to her parents.

A-grade student, spending her youth with nose in the books, studying to get to good school, make a career and get somewhere in life.

Following rules and being nice to everyone in hope one day, someday, someone would notice more of her than a good student and coworker.

Well, even if someone did, no one ever expressed that on the outside.

As a result, poor girl fall into the spiral of workaholism, just to keep her crazy thoughts at bay and get any sense of validation. Even if it was external and superficial.

But deflecting could only work for so long.

After a while she started feeling frustrated, angered, sad, sick of it all.

The sudden urge to wreak havoc, make a mess, get unhinged started to creep in.

And she followed.

Getting into the first club on her way, started drinking and turning her thinking off.

It was going like that for three hours now and all the lights, alcohol and deafening music started to feel oddly familiar. She could not feel her body, just letting it move and flow completely freely. Laughing, jumping, spinning and twirling, having absolute time of her life.

Until a strong pair of arms wrapped around her waist from behind, dragging her out f the dancefloor. At first, her hazy mind thought that it was some handsome man who wanted to get a bit more aquainted, but the reality was just a bit different.

“What do you think you are doing?” a deep male voice, full of reproach sounded from above.

“Hi there!” she giggled seeing the most familiar face and going for a hug.

“Answer the question, Y/n”

“I’m having so…. much ….. fun” she panted, burping due to all the alcohol in her system

“You are acting like crazy.” He pointed out grabbing her arm a bit stronger than intended “I’m taking you out of here. “

“The hell you are!” she scoffed breaking away, turning on her heel and disappearing in the crowd.

“Y/N!” he yelled taking off after her.

“Come and get me if you want!” once again she started moving towards the music and as much as he hated it, the sensuality of her moves made him stop in his tracks and just gaze at her. “don’t just stand there pretty boy, come and join me here….”

He was hypnotized.  There was absolutely no way he could say no to her like this. The club lights on her body, sultry music…… it was all too much. He had to get out.

“Come on, handsome, dance with me….” She locked her hands on his neck, getting impossibly closer. “Please……”

“You’re drunk.” He opposed but it was so damn hard

“so what? Easy target. Am I not good enough for you?” she whined pressing their bodies together.

“Out. Now. ” he gripped her wrist so hard it made her wince and pushed her out the club into the cold air.

“It hurts!” she cried “Oh, shit! I think I’m gonna be sick…..” she bend down and started throwing up to the nearest gutter. Thank god, he had instincts fast enough to hold her hair back so she would not make a mess of herself “ I’m…. I’m not feeling good……”

“You don’t say….” He mocked, worry and care in his eyes as he handed her a tissue and cupped her cheek.

“Take me home….? Please….?”

“Oh now you want to go home?” single laugh fell from his lips, but seeing her like this, broken, exhausted, wasted, fragile and in need of his protection made him break in an instant. “Sure, sweetheart. Let’s get you home.”

*** “What has gotten into you?” he asked after helping her clean herself up, get dressed and tucked her safely into the bed, putting warm blanket over her shoulder, alongside with a glass of water and pill on the nightstand. “this was not you”

“Exactly….”

“I don’t understand.”

“I…. I was tired of being myself, you know. The good, silent, obedient girl. Invisible girl. For once in my life I wanted to be seen.”

“You wanted to be seen wasted and puked?”

“I wanted to be seen as a girl! As a woman. So I dressed up and went for a party.”

“Look how that worked out for you….”

“I want to be loved, you know?” she started mumbling, at the verge of sleep, still hazy, the most honest words just flowing out of her mouth “I want to be cared for and adored. I want someone to look at me and think wow, she’s so beautiful. I want to fall in love and have someone to hold and care and cherish and just be with…..” he voice broke a little “I want to know what it feels like to be happy with someone. How to be heartbroken. How to mend bridges and how to grow to be a better person….”

“Oh, honey…” he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

“I never had that….” Tears started falling down her cheek “and the worst thing about that is that I’m most probably in love with you. But your my friends and could never see me the way I see you, so…..”

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” He reassured, pulling her into a hug “you’re babbling now. You need rest.”

“You see?” she pulled back. “this is what I’m talking about “I just confessed to being in love with you and you shrugged it off.”

“Get some sleep, all right?” he smiled and pushed her into the soft cushions, adjusting the blanket “I’ll be here when you wake up and then we’ll talk about it.”

“Promise?” she muttered closing her eyes

“I promise” he held her pinky, brushing a strand of hair from her face, turning the light off and starting to walk away.

“thank you…..” she muttered turning onto the side “I really do love you…..”

Closing the door to her room was the most relieving part of this night. He leaned onto them and slowly slid to the floor, sighing deeply, blush on his face, warmth in his rapidly pounding heart. His head and rationality was screaming at him not to be stupid, that whatever she said was caused by the alcohol and she did not mean any word. His heart however was aching, hoping, wishing and dreaming. I love you. I love you. I love you. Three words and eight letters with such an overwhelming power.

Oh, he was going to get this confession of her once she got sober.

[diefxrguns]

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒

✯pairings- eren yeager x afab! reader

✯a/n- might have some mistakes, apologies in advance. do not tweak or steal my work. No posting it on tiktok without permission.

✯synopsis- eren yeager, your ex has a sick, unhealthy infatuation with a certain someone

✯c/w- smut, ( very disturbing), stalking, violence, drug use, alcohol use, kidnapping,non consensual touching(sexual) drugging, mental abuse, ect. If you're not comfortable don't read.

"lock me in your chains".✧

The last thing you remember was his eyes, so verdant and piercing.

The cannabis in your system making you see things. The world seemed to be spinning as you gripped onto the leather seat tightly.

The moving car did not help the feeling at all, and all you could manage to see was a man driving. His long hair falling past his broad shoulders.

His hands gripping the steering wheel, driving at a some-what fast pace.

You just wanted to go home, but you weren't in control of your thoughts at all.

You began laughing uncontrollably, the man driving payed not an ounce of attention to your foolery.

His eyes remaining on the road, he occasionally looking into the rearview mirror,his eyes meeting yours.

He looked familiar, but you couldn't identify him, but you felt safe. You felt protected...

earlier that night...

" C'mon Y/N, another drink."

" You only live once"

You swallowed the harsh liquor, that burned your thought as cheers could be heard throughout the room.

Of course Sasha dragged you to another frat party. Fuck. How you hated them.

It wasn't because of the people there, it was more of the fact that you'd get befuddled from the amount of rum, beer and wine in your system- Along with shots that Sasha and Hitch always forced you to take.

In this case, you were already on your 5th shot of Tequila mixed with God knows what.

" I, I don't.. I don't feel so great" you said clinging onto the girl next to you.

" Y/N, what have I told you about drinking to much" the familiar voice said.

" You have an incredibly terrible tolerance to alcohol, you know that"

The girl dragged you towards the bathroom, as music and cheering could be heard .

Your vision becoming blurry.

" Sit down" she said as she turned the tap on, wetting a cloth under the cold water. You sat on the toilet seat, with your head hung low, and your hair infront of your face.

She knelt down to your level, wiping your face- ever so slightly with the cold material.

" Oh my, I think it's time for you to go home". She said

To intoxicated to respond- you just nodded your head slightly. This was strange, because you only had two beers and five shots- yes you have a bad tolerance to any kind of alcohol, granted. But this was a bit weird because beer doesn't make you that drunk. And the shots were just tequila, you were wasted- like absolutely. On the verge of throwing up.

It wasn't normal at all.

As soon as the woman dragged you out the bathroom, your body fell into the arms of another. By the scent of the person you could tell it was a man.

" I'll take her from here, it's time we get her home" he said in a low voice, that was certainly recognizable .

" A..Are you sure, because-"

" Yes I'm positive Nanaba, she'll be safe "

Now that the car was parked, in a garage. The man opened your door and dragged you out of his car. Slamming the door shut.

He tossed you over his shoulder.

Taking you inside.

Your hallucinations got worse, bright colours and shining lights is all you saw. But due to the drugs it wasn't really there.

Things got darker from there...

I've been watching her for the longest time now, and ever since she started dating that dick. I've been feeling so angered, so hostile and furious.

"All I want is her, nobody else."

Your eyes opened to see the man sitting on a chair, infront of the bed you were placed on.

The drugs weren't completely out of your system yet. So the room was spinning.

When you tried to get up, your body ached. And so did your head.

And your hands were bound to the bed, with thick metal chains. Making your wrists pain.

The chains were tied so tight that your hands went numb.

" I'm sorry Y/N"

". I'm sorry for treating you badly I'm sorry for letting you go"

He said, quietly. But loud enough for you to hear.

The room was quiet and dark, but you knew the sound of his voice. He was so familiar.

He stood up and poured himself a drink, you couldn't tell what it was because of the lack of light in the room.

He sat back down, his eyes on you this time.

" Wh..what's going on, please I just want to go home"

You said, managing to form words and construct a sentence despite you being high as a kite.

He stood up and sat on the bed, not far from your body

" My love, please. I'm begging. I'm begging you to come back"

You just got more confused everytime this guy opened his mouth. Who the fuck is this guy? You thought to yourself.

" They'll figure out you're missing soon, and eventually come for me"

"You need to be mine again, this is the last time I'm asking nicely Y/N"

He touched your cheek with his palm, and you noticed he wore a black baseball cap with a black shirt.

His hands were cold but his touch was so familiar.

" Please, who are you. Just tell me" you asked him. Your throat dry from the lack of liquid in your system

His hands made their way to your breasts, fondling them slightly.

You were to weak to do anything but you liked it

" Answer my question" you said, your eyes tearing up. Not from pain, guilt or embarrassment. It was because you knew who he was, or you had an idea

He removed his shirt, revealing his tattoos and scars. Upon his toned chest was a large scar with what looked like words on them. The scar was fresh, and red.

As soon as he got closer the words on his chest were as clear as day.

Your name, carved on his chest.

It made you sick, sick to your stomach. Who would ever do such a thing...

And then it hit you, it hit you all at once. You loved a man not so long ago. He loved you too, but he always loved you more.

Apart of you wasn't sure if it was love, or something else. Maybe a mere obsession that drove the man onto pure insanity.

He would get so jealous and angry over you just talking to another male.

He'd even hit you across the face.

He was possessive and cruel. He gave you no room to love or improve yourself.

So when you packed your bags and went to go live with another man, you gradually forgot about him.

But here he was...

Eren. Your ex boyfriend, you dated for two years but it's been five since you left him.

You thought you ran away and escaped him. This was all so confusing.

" When I tell you I've been worried sick Y/N. I've been up at night, thinking, dreaming of you and your body. "

"I missed you, I missed you so much,so I drugged you and brought you here, everyday I think of you. And when I found you I couldn't control myself"

He crawled on the bed ripping your dress off, revealing your lacey- black bralette and your panties.

A small gasp left his lips as he stared at you with lustful eyes.

To tell the truth, you missed him to. Nobody could ever love you like Eren. No man could ever touch you like he could.

You wanted Eren, you craved him.

Everytime your new boyfriend fucked you, you wished it was Eren. And as terrified as you were, you wanted Eren back.

" Eren... Please"

You said as a small moan fell from your parted lips

A sick laugh escaped from the man on top of you, it was loud and sounded evil.

His hands running through his long hair, gripping it as he laughed more.

Oh how Eren let himself fall into disarray. He's so fucking insane it's not even funny.

He wants you, he wants you so fucking bad.

He kissed your lips passionately, cupping your small face with his hands. He inserted his tongue into your mouth as you moaned into the kiss.

He played with your breasts, squeezing them and massaging them. Making you moan gently.

After some time, his hand made its way to your underwear, rubbing circles around your clit softly.

You were so horny for your ex boyfriend. If your current man found out, he would kill Eren. You knew that, and Eren would kill him first.

Eren pulled his boxers down only to reveal his hard cock, leaking with pre-cum

The poor man hasn't fucked anything in almost five years. He needed this. Fuck- you needed this.

He fucked you at a fast pace, making you moan and cream all over him. Again and again and again. It's almost like you came every ten minutes.

One thing about Yeager, is his stamina is godly. He could go for hours.

And when it was all over, he removed the heavy chains form your wrists.

Blood gushing from them as bruises could be seen.

He fetched you a towel to wipe the blood and a glass of water to clench your thirst.

" If your new man comes back I'll fucking kill him, I'll fucking do it." Eren said with venom in his voice

After all this time, Eren still loved you. Yes he was fucked in the head.

But truthfully, in his world. There was no one above you...

All rights reserved ©

[emo-cigarette]

rant/vent below the read more. Sorry it’s a bit long, I really needed to get this off of my chest.

I’m so sick and tired of losing and regaining the same 5 p0und$. Every time things start to go good and I undue all that damage, I get pushed to drink alcohol or 3@t c@10r13 bombs and it’s making me lose my fucking mind. I was FINALLY back to 108 (bmi 23) on sunday and now I’m ONE FUCKING ELEVEN (111, bmi 24).

Do you know what I was at the start of this summer? What I was starting in June? 110. It’s august and I’ve basically made no fucking progress. I’m to the point where I don’t feel bad throwing out dinners my dad has made because I’m so fucking angry all the time. I’ve tried and tried but genuinely the most I can get my body to burn on work days is around 1,700 and that’s with working out. It’s much lower on my days off and I feel like i’m going insane.

All the shit my dad makes is so high in c@1s that destroys my progress so fast and bad. Don’t get me started on how he keeps ordering and making pizza.

Yesterday I had to finish the large pizza he pushed me to order when I was drunk on sunday and oh my god. I couldn’t burn it off. He had already started to judge me for working out for 30 more minutes than I normally did so I had to get off the treadmill and EAT MORE DINNER THAT HE MADE. I was 112 this morning and working out only brought me down to 111 so hopefully tomorrow I can get to 110 and continue doing from there.

I’m so pissed off that honestly I’m going to start pushing harder to not drink on weekends. I only have one day off this week, not a weekend, so I fucking hope I can stick to my plan. I’m tired of feeling disgusting. It’s not even that I hate drinking. Not fully. I just hate not being 21 yet and having to rely on my dad to get drinks for me.

Actually, scratch that. I hate not being able to PICK the drinks. I’ve never been a big drinker and I’m still not. My dad pushes me to drink. It’s all he ever wants to do with me. I just hate that he ignores what I want and gets me very high drinks. My current ones in the fridge are, at my best estimate, 240.

I’ll probably still be chubby on my birthday but at least I’ll be 21 and I can start picking out lower c@1 drinks :/. I’ll take Monster’s Beast Unleashed’s 130 over the Simply Spiked’s sugary 170 or Cayman Jack’s 240. Fuck, I hear Mike’s Hard Lemonade came out with a 94 version. I’ll have to see if I can hunt that down.

[pr0an4]

to get to know me,

i developed ed (bulimic anorexia, more of anorexia) in 2019, when my weight was 56kg and my height 174cm (the height is the same now, i stopped growing when i started to starve myself). I did instagram pro ana profile where i had my society in 2020. My weight was going up and down, between 2019 and 2022 it could be 62kg, but it also could be 45kg.

2022, 1st of January, around 49kg, my parents found out about everything - first was neurological treatment, then psychward, then private ed treatment, after which i relapsed and went to psychward again (all in poland, im polish).

2022, August, around 57kg, i got out of psychward and was all time controlled by my parents, they would control how much i eat, how often i eat etc. There was no place for cheating, no place for starving or purging.

2022, November-December, around 60kg, got really bad antideprestants and other "mental health meds" that werent ok for me so my weight got up to 73kg. (Still controlled by parents)

2023, april, around 69kg, i said i dont want meds or therapy anymore, i said i love myself and im all good now, i said that its definitely end of my recovery journey. I lied to everyone. I stopped going to therapy and psychodietitian and taking meds, but my parents were still controlling me. Somehow i managed to lost weight and at the end of summer 2023 i was around 60kg. Everyone was thiking im doing so well.

2023, august-december, I was really depressend about everything and wanted to kill myself more tyan ever so i started to drink and do drugs and whatever not to remember. I was missing my 45kg body, i loved it. I dont really remember much from 2023aug-dec., I know it was a crazy fucked up alcoholic season, I would go to school drunk or high, but my parents never found out about it.

2024, January to now, march.

January was bad, still depressed and started to cut myself again, I would starve for fun, lose 2-3kg, gain it back and starve again, just to feel something. I was really sick all february so I mostly spent it in home. Today, march 19th im sick again, still at home. My body is so sick after the august2023-January2024 period of time.

What I wrote here seems to be so long, but in reality its just a few things that happened so you can understand better what im doing here. The worst time was in 2019-2022 but i cant really even think of it, i always start crying and just generally fuckaround because i miss my sick times and sick body when parents didnt know, anyone didnt know. Sometimes when i think about i think that this period of time gave me a kind of trauma or ptsd. I almost lost my life. Fun time.

If anyone would want to, i can text here about the 2019-2022

Im here on tumblr to start again. To be 45kg again, to be less than 45kg. I dont have my IG pro ana society, I dont have my sick body but i can grow there.

Im not going to fuck around and do some kpop diets or mymelody stuff, im going to do it in old and my favorite way, to just starve. Tbh if you just skip breakfast and dont eat sweets - its fucking around to get attention, the same thing with all the kpop diets or fasting. Just starve yourself, do it until you cant breathe because of the little amount of power for living.

Health isnt really as important as your weight. I did so much things to my body and im still alive.

If someone even read this to this point please give me a sign!

Later im going to post more here.

[frostbite-yinny]

hey. top 3 funniest things that happened at the shelter? 👀

Well hello there fellow equally-as-sick-of-serving-customers person, thanks for the ask and I hope your definition of funny is someone being miserable cuz I love telling these stories when I'm near blackout drunk :D I'm gonna try to keep this short (I failed.)

Number 3; The time when a herding yamper herded a whole herd of herd Pokemon inside the fucking shelter!

> It's a beautiful night, where I have not lost to the temptations of the internet and am actually sleeping for once.

I woke up to a phone call, a newbie trainee that only says 'I fucked up. I fucked big time.' so what do I do? Of course I haul my ass there as fast as possible.

There, I see a VERY proud old yamper, asking for treats. And the inside of the shelter, filled with VERY confused mareep, wooloo, Taurus, and many more heard animals.

Yeah. I didn't got any sleep that night.

Number 2; The time I got decked out by a kangaskhan joey!

> A little info since it seems like it's not common knowledge: kangaskhan don't hatch out of the egg with a baby in their pouch. They hatch as the blue baby. The Pokemon Kangaskhan is one of the few Pokemon that change while growing up without evolving. They are herd animals and they take care of every joey instead of just their own. If a baby kangaskhan has a smaller baby in their pouch, it's probably belongs to someone else and it's babysitting till the mother comes back.

Now back to the story. It's my vacation day so I'm just chilling at home. My liepard sleeping and purring on my lap as I'm watching some cartoons (don't judge me) and eating a fruit salad drizzled in honey. Then, I get a call from some volunteers asking me to come because a baby kangaskhan just hatched and it doesn't look right.

Well, now my fruit salad is left to my Pokemon as I go to the shelter. Hoping it's just a shiny instead of disfigurement. I made my way there and there is absolutely nothing wrong with the baby, they just didn't know that's how kangaskhan looked freshly hatched. Well, I can't get angry at a bunch of teenagers for not knowing shit.

Something you need to know about baby kangaskhan is they don't handle being alone/not being in a pouch very well, especially when they are REALLY young. It triggers their fight-or-flight instinct. But, well, it just hatched moments ago so I'm not worried as I pull out the mock pouch from the closet.

Well, I SHOULD have been worried because the moment I crouched down next to it, the joey decked me in the face.

I don't remember much of the moment since I was dazed and laying on the ground. I just remember someone screaming, my froslass freaking out, and even more yelling from the baby kangaskhan cuz it was panicking with all the chaos around.

So, yeah, the rest of the 4 days she spent in the shelter before we could send her to an another shelter that had an adult without a baby, she didn't leave my side. I had to bring her home and I couldn't even remove my apron with the mock pouch attached to it cuz she would get really sad and give me big wet baby eyes until I picked her up again.

So lucky she had an easy time parting with me when we introduced her to an adult lol

Number 1; the time I ACTUALLY got to punch a customer!

>This is my favorite ^w^

As always, the story starts with me being called in by an inexperienced employee while I'm on my lunch break and he nervously says they have a customer problem. Well, that's what managers are for so I abandon my lunch to my Sceptile and get back to the shelter.

I go in and the first thing I notice is the smell of alcohol in the air. That's never a good sign. I hear some commotion near the nursery (we have 2, one for eggs/newly hatched Pokemon and one for baby Pokemon) with the eggs/newly hatched Pokemon in. That nursery that is looked over by Undertaker the Chandelure (who I mentioned before)

I walk there with my Sceptile, and lo and behold, a grown-ass man is throwing a tantrum. I mean the kind that where they hit the walls and screech on top of their lungs kinda shit. A teenage girl which just started volunteering 2 days ago is sobbing near the door.

The other volunteer fills me up on the situation as I checked up on the teenager. Apparently, he was angry that we didn't let him adopt Undertaker the Chandelure who is an employee that stays full-time. I calm the girl down and send her away then turn to the man.

I try to calm him down and tell him that if he doesn't calm down we are going to have to escort him out of here which is just a kinder way of saying we are gonna kick him out.

He doesn't calm down, at all. Hell, me saying he needs to calm down just makes him angrier so like a responsible and sensible adult, he punches the nursery window and that starts a ruckus inside, and send the poor Undertaker darting left and right, trying to calm the newborns down.

So, right now I'm dealing with an immature 50-year-old drunk man that has the personality of an entitled toddler. Then, the cherry on top; he tries to grab me.

So, with both the cameras and witnesses on my side, I punch him down <3 Sure, fight or flight kicked in but I didn't even get a ticket for attacking someone so that's good <3

After that my Sceptile pins him to the ground, the cops are called, etc. Etc. But the best part is I got to punch down a customer so focus on that I put years of frustrating customer service into that right hook <3 <3 <3 was that a bad example to the other? Yes. Could I have handled it better? Yes but I didn't ^w^

Thanks for the ask again! This was so fun to tell :D