#it strikes the exact right balance of taking it seriously and having fun with it. also it makes me tear up a bit

[sentientcitysmackdown]

The final 2 are very close to being determined!!!! If you're looking to look back at the course of the Sentient City Smackdown so far, I truly cannot recommend Denis Urban's covering of it enough. I only found out today, but somebody's been doing articles about this like a proper sports battle!!!! Guys!!!! This is so awesome!!! The articles are hilarious and also like, a really good analysis of fandom size and how the polls might shake out. There's some fun number stuff in there I didn't even know about!! Go check it out, it's great.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 320: Deku vs. Class 1-A

Previously on BnHA: Flashback!Kacchan was all “fuck Deku and fuck his stupid goodbye letters, I need to speak to somebody in charge.” Endeavor was all “hello, I am Somebody In Charge.” Kacchan was all “listen up asshole, you need to let us go out and collect our wayward nerd because you stupidly left him alone with All Might and that’s a fast track to disaster right there.” Endeavor was all, “[self-incriminating silence].” Rat Principal was all, “okay sure, have fun kids.” Back in the present, class 1-A was all “hi Deku” and Deku was all “I’M FINE!!!!!” and Kacchan was all “THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT YOU’D SAY YOU DUMB FUCKING NERD” and so the kids all got ready to fight, because OF COURSE they’re gonna fight. Sorry guys, but yeah it’s happening.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan is all “what’s up Deku you look like a possessed Rorschach test, so anyway how are the new quirks coming along.” Deku is all “they’re coming along like THIS” and uses Smokescreen to try and get away. Kacchan is all “PHASE ONE COMMENCE”, and Kouda, Sero, Jirou, and Ojiro leap into the fray to shower Deku with heaps of love and violence, because this is a shounen manga and kicking someone’s ass while simultaneously proclaiming your undying admiration for them is just how it’s done in these parts. The KoudaSeroOJirou squad then passes the baton to Satou, Momo, Tokoyami, Kaminari, and Shouji, who are all “fuck this mask” and do a bunch of stuff to tear Deku’s mask off because they’re the real heroes. Shouto is all “LOOK AT THE LITTLE CRYBABY, THAT’S RIGHT, GO AHEAD AND FUCKING CRY and by the way let us share your burden please,” and once again I swear this is all very deeply moving and touching within the actual context. The chapter ends with Tsuyu being all “look at me. I’m the cliffhanger now,” and damn.

lol what

I don’t think anyone was expecting that. I mean, not that I’ve got anything against Tsuyu or anything. anyways it’s a very nice cover and I love the colors and I hope this means Tsuyu’s gonna do something badass

also, “Deku vs Class A” -- pretty much the expected title, but it’s still got me hyped nonetheless fuck yeah let’s go

IIDA ANGST

Iida Tenya really said “fuck the uniform code, we’re leaving the helmet at home today.” sorry kids, prim and proper C-3PO Comic Relief Iida has left the building. can I interest you in some Serious Iida

meanwhile Kacchan is all “sup Deku, I heard you got a few more quirks, and might I just add that you look like the Snyder Cut of Detective Pikachu”

“you look like a tarred and feathered squid” okay easy there Kacchan. I mean it’s all true of course, but still

“thank you all for coming” OH EXCUSE ME SON, WERE YOU PLANNING ON GOING SOMEWHERE. LET’S JUST SEE HOW THAT PLAYS OUT

yep and there’s Smokescreen, right on cue

okay Horikoshi, I leave it in your hands. hopefully you can come up with some more interesting combos than my dumbass predictions lol

LOL THIS ISN’T A COMBO AT ALL

“explosions solve everything” -- Horikoshi Kouhei, 2021. something something shockwave, something something handwave ta-da no more smoke. lol okay then

oh, ouch

he would know, wouldn’t he. nice application of one of your many hard-earned life lessons, Kacchan

by the way you guys, just as an experiment, I’m going to try to anticipate some of the discourse this week in the hopes of preemptively addressing it and thus saving myself some time later on lol. so here’s our first test run!

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “oh my god what a fucking hypocrite can you believe this fucking guy”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: it’s precisely because Kacchan has been in this exact situation himself that he’s able to recognize his past self in Deku now and call him out on it. just because it took him sixteen years to get it through his head that he can’t accomplish every single thing completely by himself doesn’t mean Deku has to go down that same path. so yeah, maybe it is a bit hypocritical, but if you insist that the only people qualified to call out stupid shit are people who have never done a single stupid thing in their own lives, then what you’re basically saying is that absolutely no one on earth is qualified lol. so yeah, I’d have to disagree

and one last unrelated note, I’m willing to bet the whole “you didn’t even say a word before you ran off” thing is possibly the first thing Kacchan’s said in this whole encounter that actually does stem from genuine hurt rather than his tough-love-harsh-truths strategy. I’M TAKING NOTES HERE HORIKOSHI. at this rate it’ll take twice as many chapters as DvK2 for them to hash out all the stuff between them, geez

anyway so I gotta say, so far Deku vs. Class A is looking an awful lot like a DvK3 wearing a hat, trenchcoat, and sunglasses lol

OH SHIT I TAKE IT BACK??

FUCK YEAH, YOU GO KOUDA. and I guess he ditched his mask as well! excellent

so far the strategy here seems to be “Kacchan says all the mean tough love shit while the rest of 1-A balances it out with warmth and kindness”, which actually works pretty well imo. Deku is one of those people that doesn’t usually need a Kacchan Translator anyway, but just in case, this is very efficient

mm but of course Deku is slingshotting himself away with Blackwhip. all right then, who’s up next!

FUCK YEAH

okay but seriously you guys, what is going on with Sero’s face in these last couple of chapters though, it’s really starting to unnerve me. is he trying to emulate Kacchan’s whole asymmetrical facial expressions thing?

in fact let me just quickly hit pause here because,

ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “SERO IS TOGA??!”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: no

oh snap looks like Jirou’s getting in on the action too!

poor Jirou probably spent days racking her brain trying to think of something she could bond with Deku over. is Horikoshi doing these in reverse order of the kids who have had the most interaction with him? that would explain why poor Kouda didn’t get a flashback lol

omg. well that answers that

so by my count, Satou and Hagakure are the only ones remaining in this first tier of kids who Still Appreciate Midoriya even though they’ve barely ever spoken two words to him in their lives lol. so they’ll probably be next, and then we’ll get to the next tier of kids who are pretty good friends with him but not quite besties. and then we’ll move on to the IidaRokiRaka trio, and then lastly, to the boy who is in a tier all his own

BUT FIRST, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR

and by “sponsor” I mean the Dekuangst. just in case that wasn’t clear. indeed, many thanks to the Dekuangst for making this all possible

(ETA: okay so this whole “take me away” line seemed pretty weird to me, and sure enough it’s yet another one of those cases where only the verb is specified, and the object is left to the reader’s interpretation. so even though the translation says “take me away”, I’m pretty sure that what Deku’s actually saying is “take you away” -- as in, his loved ones will be taken away by AFO.

and that is literally the way he phrases it, though -- the verb used is “���う” (ubau), meaning “to snatch away; to dispossess; to steal.” which, god, that hurts my whole goddamn heart though, because for him to say it like that?? not “AFO will kill you”, but “AFO will take you away from me.” he can’t have nice things anymore because of AFO. he can’t be around the people he loves because AFO will hurt them. he can’t have happiness because AFO will take it away from him. anyway so where the fuck is AFO right now, motherfucker I just want to talk.)

by the way can Ojiro just extend his tail to whatever fucking length he wants or what because it’s like twelve feet long in this panel lol

WOOO FUCK YEAH TOKOYAMI

YOU LOVE TO SEE IT!! BUT WHERE’S YOUR FLASHBACK? YOU’VE HAD A BUNCH OF INTERACTIONS WITH HIM, THAT’S NOT FAIR

okay so now Satou’s stepping in which is back to my anticipated order, so maybe Toko will finish his little moment afterward

dskfjfkk

“REMEMBER THAT TIME DEKU BORROWED SATOU’S FOOD COLORING” Horikoshi says, sweating. “AND REMEMBER THAT TIME HE, UM, SMILED IN HAGAKURE’S GENERAL DIRECTION”

actually I am curious about what Hagakure’s part will be because, you know, the whole traitor thing lol

(ETA: funny how we just skipped right over it huh. can we get a traitor reveal countdown started here? definitely getting close to that time.)

whoa lol wtf

MOMO??? THIS HAS MOMO WRITTEN ALL OVER IT DAMMIT

-- SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK

“SORRY MIDORIYA-SAN, I LEFT MY FUCKING CHILL AT HOME IN THE LOCKER NEXT TO IIDA’S HELMET” holy shit lmao

and here I thought she’d get a flashback to her time on the Baku Rescue Squad or something. but nope, no flashbacks from Momo, only terrifying sci-fi torture devices

poor Dark Shadow is such a trooper omg

“why am I the only one who has to make prolonged contact with his smelly disgusting self” taking one for the team there DS

FUCK YEAH KAMINARI NO JUTSU

THE PRICKLY BASTARD WHISPERER STRIKES AGAIN!! don’t suppose you brought any clean clothes you could sneakily force him into huh Kami

okay here we go, so now Shouji and Tokoyami are joining forces

um excuse me this is fucking awesome

wonder how he’ll break free? don’t think he’ll reveal Fa Jin until the end of the chapter, so maybe Air Force or something? idk

TOKO GETS AN EXTENDED MOMENT BECAUSE HE IS A TIER TWO PATREON REWARD LEVEL FRIEND YAY

WHY IS MOMO MAKING THIS FACE LOL YOUR THING WAS WAY WORSE

and Shouji just casually hitting him with what is easily the best comment from anyone yet. too bad Deku’s just gonna ignore it. you deserve better Shouji

KAMINARI OMFG

it only just occurred to me that Kami is currently trapped inside Dark Shadow right along with him lmao omg. realest one in the entirety of BnHA, right here. we will never forget your sacrifice

aaaaaaand Deku’s yeeting himself

do you really hate the thought of taking a bath that much my dude

oh shit the mask!!

-- oh shit the feels

o(TヘTo)

fuck. and I mean, we knew he was crying, that was a done deal. but still, to see him in this much pain is just...

and the acknowledgement that he knows they’re worried about him, but that it doesn’t change his mind one bit. this, right here, is why they have to be a bit harsh with him, you guys. because they’re up against the full, unbridled stubbornness of Midoriya fucking Izuku, and if they don’t match that stubbornness with an equal stubbornness of their own, they basically don’t stand a chance

(ETA: quick note that there is apparently another mistranslation here -- rather than saying that his friends are oblivious to the danger, what Deku is actually saying is that none of his friends have activated his Danger Sense once throughout this entire fight. which I had been wondering about, and it turns out Horikoshi actually confirmed it. so basically none of the kids bears any ill intent toward him, and there’s literal proof right there.

incidentally, as @class1akids​ pointed out, this also casts an interesting light on this chapter in terms of who hasn’t fought Deku yet. not to play the Hagakure Traitor Music for the billionth time you guys, but I’M JUST SAYING lol.)

anyway, but the good news is that they all seem to understand that. and the even better news is that we have reached the tier 3 friends!!

“OR ELSE” lol, great to see Shouto wielding his friendship just as aggressively as Deku once did towards him. I do love a good role reversal

p.s., ANTICIPATED DISCOURSE: “why is Shouto being so cruel to Deku can’t he see how hard this is on him”

PREEMPTIVE REBUTTAL: this is a callback to the classic “even heroes cry when they have to” Shouto line from chapter 137. Shouto is clearly following Kacchan’s lead here and going for the more ruthless approach, knowing that the gentle approach isn’t getting through to him (if anything it’s only making him more stubborn as we saw on the previous page). basically it’s his way of pointing out that even heroes are still only human, and so is Deku last time he checked

ah okay, and there Tsuyu is at last

okay real talk, I get why Tsuyu is included in the tier 3 friends, because she was one of the first people to team up with Deku going all the way back to USJ. but that said, this probably would have had more impact if their most recent interaction hadn’t been like 150 chapters ago

but anyway though it’s still a good speech. maybe not quite a cliffhanger-level speech, but a good speech nonetheless. in a way though, I’m glad to see that Horikoshi seemingly didn’t give a fuck whether he ended this on an actual cliffhanger or not for once

and that “headed toward the climax” part has me excited too, ngl. because if we really are getting to the so-called climax this soon, that makes me even more certain that there is indeed a DvK3 in the forecast. so I presume that next week (or I guess two weeks from now) will be the tier 3s along with the remaining tier 2s like Kirishima and Aoyama

and then after that, well... [orange and green banners being hoisted] [sound of screeching airhorns and vuvuzelas in the distance] [sound of All Might approaching in his car which I didn’t notice until I looked back at this page a second time whoops] THE PROPHECY WILL NOT BE DENIED

[my-writings-and-musings]

Hey, if you're still doing those angsty oxygen scenarios, could you do one with Rumble? I know he's not a lost light bot but it would mean a lot to me

He means a lot to me too, anon. Plus as I see it, being a Lost Light bot is a state of mind.

Here's all my previous posts with this popular prompt!

Part One: Here!

Part Two: Here!

Part Three: Here!

Part Four: Here!

Part Five: Here!

Part Six: Here!

Part Seven: You are Here!

Part Eight! Here!

Part Nine: Here!

Part Ten: Here!

Part Eleven: Here!

Part Twelve: Here!

Rumble

·The story of how you both ended up on the Lost Light is a long and rather ridiculous one, but thankfully you're both quite happy now with the way things have turned out. Hanging out and playing video games is one of the more calm and non-destructive things you two do around the ship, and it's an activity he adores having someone to share with, as not too many bots share the hobby. Being absolutely tiny by Cybertronian standards but huge compared to you, he typically encourages you to sit on his lap while you game together, something he claims is only done to ensure you both can see. Being a good sport, you agree so he can keep protecting his reputation as a tough bot who never cuddles anyone, and also because you know he's secretly in need of said cuddles despite his claims otherwise. You're well in to a rather relaxed gaming session when an emergency communication pings both of you.

·Quite open about how annoyed he is, the feeling only grows when the line is barely audible, static blurring all but every other word of what sounds like a rather urgent message. Though he does try to ask for a repeat of what's said, when the feed simply dies he's quite tempted to just ignore it and keep playing games. Admittedly that sounds good to you too, but being on a gigantic alien vessel makes you far less comfortable at the prospect of things being uncertain, as what's minor to the bots can be quite dangerous for you. Initially your gentle insistence on seeing what might be going on only gets an exaggerated groan regarding how it's probably nothing and that the two of you are having fun so who cares? The pouting is something you're rather accustomed to, so you follow a strategy of gentle pushing to get him moving, which results in him growing ever more dramatic until he's lying back on his second hand couch as if getting up would be physically painful.

·A gentle kiss on his nose finally melts away his immature resistance, but only after he blushes like a lamppost and huffs to try and pretend he's not doing it because you've convinced him or anything. With one last sorrowful look at his console, he hefts you into his shoulder and moves out, not willing to wait on your tiny human legs. Though he's obviously grumpy there's still care and consideration in how he walks with you, as he's never going to risk dropping your squishy human self if he can help it.

·Repeated attempts to comm anyone for some information turn up nothing but static, and that leaves both of you quite confused, with the minibot commenting on how odd it is that no one is answering. Being near the living quarters at this time of day means there's no one around to ask, so he hurries along whilst looking for a signal, reasoning that the two of you should head to the bridge or somewhere equally important to look for answers. Knowing he has way more experience in this than you do, you happily let him take the lead, smiling softly at how your agreement makes him puff up with pride. Being a mini has made him rather unaccustomed to any kind of leadership, so even the simplest praise or deference always means the world to him.

·His ego boost is quite rudely interrupted by a sudden tremor through the ship, though he's hardly knocked off balance for long due to his unique skills. Keeping his footing solid and you secure on his shoulders, he immediately asks if you're okay once the floor steadies beneath him, knowing that it was just a little shake but worried nonetheless. You assure him that you're fine, which convinces him to hold you a little less tightly. Looking up into his visor, you're concerned to see his usual calm replaced with a much more serious expression. It's one you know to only expect when things are about to get bad. As he starts walking again, he explains that, as an expert on seismic things, he knows that the ship has just been snagged. Having an internal sensory system specifically designed to detect these things also makes him certain of the exact size of the enemy and where it hit; and what he detected isn't good.

·Despite being less than half his height, Rumble is your immediate worry as he goes on to explain more of the situation, talking more to cut through the quiet to calm his nerves. You know that you're not built for alien robot battles, but quite frankly, neither is he. Not on his own at least. Though he'll surely deny it now, he's confided in you that without his brother or a bigger bot to sync up with... fighting anything but other minis is a lot harder. Knowing that makes you press him gently on a plan; where should the two of you go to be safe?

·As expected he's immediately adamant that he's fine, but his attitude to you is another story, as is obvious by how he shifts you completely into his arms and holds you tightly. With a promise that he won't let anything touch you, he surprises you with a completely unrestrained sense of protective drive, something quite out of character for a bot that usually struggles with deep feelings. Knowing that ships always have extra guards stationed at key locations, he decides to hurry his way to the medical bay, secretly hoping not to encounter any enemies on the way. Not that he's embarrassed to be a mini or anything, but in moments like these he really wishes he could be big and strong for your sake... Pushing those thoughts deep down, he hurries along and tries to focus on how cool he looks carrying you to safety. Maybe after all this is over he'll be able to tell some awesome stories about rescuing you.

·Seeing you get a little sleepy absolutely baffles him, and he gives you a little tap to wake you up with a tease about taking poorly timed naps. Not having realized you were nodding off, you rub at your eyes in confusion, suddenly aware of sleepiness that certainly wasn't present earlier. At your continued and obvious exhaustion he's quite worried. Had he better practice at driving with an occupant he'd have given you a ride to save time, but even at the best of times previous attempts at that were disasters, so in your current state you'd probably end up getting seriously hurt... It's yet another thing to regret as he holds you closer and hurries along, secretly trying to establish communication so he can hopefully get some answers. The lack of success makes him more worried with every passing minute.

·Though Rumble is no stranger to cuddling behind closed doors and carrying you to show off his strength, this is the first time he's held you like this in public for so long, and it feels very nice. You know he's worried about you, but it's getting harder to focus on staying awake and comforting him with his arms keeping you so secure, and his little spark humming so warm and strong right next to you. Only his gentle pleading for you to keep your eyes open prevents you from nodding off, mostly because his voice is so sad as he does so, and you can't handle seeing that sweet face grow any more worried. Clearly it must be bad if he's openly showing his softer side. You're aided in staying awake by a rather unexpected visitor nearly stepping on the minibot as he enters a hallway, and in the panicked blur that follows your mind is just sharp enough to catch the towering form of a very unfriendly alien before you're laid on the ground and Rumble charges forth in a preemptive strike.

·Though he's every bit as fearless as he usually is in appearance, in his spark he's absolutely terrified as he breaks out his piledrivers, the lack of his brother or Soundwave leaving him with a sense of total helplessness that he has to force down for your sake. The alien is a kind he doesn't recognize, but it's big and clearly hates bots by the way it strikes to kill. Using his tiny size to his advantage, he hammers the legs that are too slow to kick him away in time, striking with a level of force that strains his shock absorbers to a painful limit. The hulking alien collapses as its means of support are demolished in a messy and agonizing attack, but the mini takes no chances, hopping up to the head and delivering a blow capable of creating an earthquake all on its own. He's left panting from the exertion but grateful to have proved himself. Sore from the strain, he hurries back over to you and can't help but ask if you saw what he just did?

·Tiny jubilation is crushed when he hears your weak reply. Even though you're smiling at his victory, you're obviously barely holding on, and that means whatever invisible malady is afflicting you is growing more severe. Scooping you up in bloodied servos, he tries to keep the tears welling in his visor from falling, though admittedly he's not sure why since his image matters very little in the face of losing you. Thinking fast, he breaks open a vent cover and makes use of the claustrophobic shortcut to hurry to the medical bay, ignoring his own overworked body's protests to save you at any cost. Not knowing what the problem could be, he's still tearing himself apart inside over every tiny delay that could now result in the difference between life and death. If only he hadn't hesitated to stop gaming, or had been paying enough attention to avoid that alien... How like him, to prove unworthy of something by ruining it.

·You'd been physically incapable of staying awake as he'd closed in on the part of the ship where help would hopefully be found. Though you had tried so hard and been so heartbroken by his struggles, exhaustion unlike anything had ultimately forced you to rest, with his protective grip on you making it hard to worry as you slipped under. Tears had started to fall without restraint the moment you went quiet. It had made quite a scene when he'd burst into the medical bay, ploughing through a vent cover and startling multiple bots on guard as he yelled for someone to help you, nearly getting shot until he was recognized with you in his arms. Nearby medics had been quick to explain the breakdown of the atmospheric generators and the loss of oxygen, but he brushes all that aside with a single question; will you be okay?!

·Every bot present is immensely surprised by his demeanor. He's known as a troublemaker and a prankster, so even with your relationship to him being taken into consideration, his agony over your condition is not something they could have ever predicted. The loyalty to you is unshakable and obvious even after you receive the care you need, as he refuses medical attention for himself and doesn't care in the slightest when the alien ambush is declared defeated. Not even the prospect of free drinks at Swerve's to celebrate can make him leave you for a second. All he wants is for you to wake up, and to hopefully not be mad once you wake up and learn what happened, which he believes he made worse by being irresponsible and wasting time... Though it isn't allowed, he crawls into your berth with you to snuggle when no one is present.

·You awaken to a much clearer head and the warmth of a bigger body huddled closely around you, and as soon as you open your eyes a familiar frame welcomes you back to consciousness. Whispering a greeting, you're shocked when the mini suddenly clings to you and begins pleading for your forgiveness while also recounting what happened to make you "sick", confusing you beyond all belief at first. Why would the bot you remembered saving you need to apologize? It's only by listening that you realize his misplaced blame is likely motivated by fear, as his hot tears pattering against the berth suggest a bot recently scared out of his wits. The poor mini is blaming himself for his lack of action, in full belief he could have moved faster and should have the moment something was wrong, and sounding quite convinced of his role in your injurey before you shush him as gently but audibly as you can.

·Wiping away heavy tears on his cheeks, you speak clearly through the oxygen mask still secured to your face, reassuring him that he did nothing wrong and had no reason to believe things would play out as they did. When he tries to miserably reply that he's still should have jumped at the first sign of trouble, you remind him that he jumped into action when it counted, taking down an enemy several times his size without anything but his own fists as weapons. Perking up to hear you remember his burst of bravery, he asks a little more confidently if you recall how he punched the alien so hard the hallway shook from the force, and you smile while you assure him that you saw every heroic moment. Hearing himself be referred to as a hero seems to reassure him in ways he didn't know he needed, and the rush of his own gratitude is enough that he hugs you tight without a hint of bashful hesitation. Just being here and safe with you makes it hard to be worried about anything at all.

[hockeyboysiguess]

Hi 👋 Can you write 69 with whoever you want?? Btw i love your writing. have a good day/night 😊💕

69) “You’re teasing me again…”

a/n: thank you :) hope you like my take on this! also, hope you like jonathan toews! and who doesn’t love Christmas in August? writing from this list. 

word count: 1.2K

You took in a deep breath, filling your lungs, before blowing out, watching the dust fly off the large red and green container in front of you. You slid the lid off it and smiled when you saw all of the multi-colored ornaments packed in the box, nestled among bubble wrap and old tissue paper to keep them safe from Jon’s rough handling he did to get them out of storage.

“You know,” Jon dropped another container next to the one you had opened, “I think, and this is just a suggestion, that we might have too many Christmas decorations.” 

“Jonathan Toews, if you’d like to still be engaged to me by the end of today, you will apologize for,” you grabbed a golden round ornament from the top of the box, “and rescind that statement.” 

You looked up to see Jon’s expression, one of fake pondering, as he pretended to mentally toss your statement around his mind with the left and right cocking of his head. You rolled your eyes at him and gave him a little shove in the chest on your way over to the tree. You looked over the still only lit tree, bare of any ornaments, and tried to find for the perfect spot for the one in your hand. The first ornament placement would set the course for the entire tree, so the task had to be taken seriously. You heard Jon shuffle around behind you before you heard the scratch and static of the record player before the familiar dulcet tones of Bing Crosby’s Christmas album began floating through your shared apartment. 

“So,” Jon came up next to you, a lazy smile on his face as he picked the ornament from your hand, “you get an apology, which is that I’m sorry for suggesting we have too many Christmas decorations. I am also formally rescinding my comment and striking it from the record. I have also provided a peace offering in the form of Christmas music. Going to keep that ring on your finger or do I need to grovel some more?” 

“If you put that ornament, right on that,” you pointed to a branch just out of your reach, “branch, then all will be forgiven.”

Jon laughed and dropped a kiss to your forehead before reaching up and placing the ornament on the exact branch you had pointed to, checking with you that he had the right one before dropping it into place. You headed back to grab a small box of wooden sleigh ornaments for Jon, a responsibility he could probably handle accurately enough, and a few breakable, precious ones for yourself. You handed him the box and he nodded. 

“Okay, I see how it is,” he nodded. “Don’t trust your future husband with the nice ornaments, eh?”

“I’m just picky about the Christmas tree, Jon,” you sighed, waving him off with your hand carrying a glass icicle for the tree. “You know how I get. Now, you going to do your assigned job with proper ornament spacing or not?” 

“You got a ruler for me?” 

You rolled your eyes at him again and he laughed again, a regular routine for the two of you, as was your smile that resulted from his laugh and the kiss he dropped to your forehead before going to do what you asked of him. Jon was a great partner, better than you had ever imagined you would find. When he had asked you to marry him a few months ago, saying yes was the easiest thing you had ever done. The idea of marrying someone before Jon was terrifying in a way that reminded you of picking the college you went to or of the day you started your first real job or even of learning to ride your bike when you were seven. It wasn’t a fear of the unknown really, more a fear that you would be a terrible at whatever lay past your current point of experience. You were terrified you would be a terrible wife. That is, until Jon. He was your partner, lock step with you in everything, always by your side. He was your support and you were his. He had your back in a way that you had never experienced before and you were the woman he wanted to marry, so you knew you could do it because Jon believed you could. 

With the tree half decorated twenty minutes later, you flipped the record and grabbed the two boxes of wooden nutcracker ornaments to take one yourself and give the other to Jon when he returned from the kitchen on your mission to finish the tree before lunch. Much to your delight, he returned with two cups of peppermint tea, a staple for you around the holidays. Jon smiled when he saw how your eyes lit up as the mug in his hand. 

“Figured my little Christmas elf could use some fuel,” he said as he handed you a mug, taking one of the boxes from you in the exchange. 

“You know me well, Toews,” you laughed before taking a sip. 

You grabbed a coster and set your tea down, grabbing one to slide under Jon’s cup since he always forget, before returning to the tree decorating task at hand. You looked over at Jon, watching him carefully consider the placement of his second nutcracker relative to the first, his dark eyes flitting between the first one he placed and a few open spots on the tree, trying to pick the best one. He didn’t fully understand your vision or your intensity, but he could appreciate the balance you tried to create and that you had both a vision and the intensity to see it through to the end, so he supported you as best he could in your decorating ventures. Your mind drifted as you realized you would get to see this every year with him for the rest of your life, Jon helping you decorate your apartment, and getting to spend every holiday season with him. In a few years, the holidays and the decorating might look a little different though.

“What are you thinking about?”

Jon’s voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you waved him off, placing another nutcracker on the tree. 

“No, no,” he laughed a little. “I saw that look on your face, the happy thinking look. Means you have a good thought. What’s going on in that head of yours?” 

“Just thinking about how I get to do this with you every year,” you said, sliding a nutcracker onto a nearby tree branch. “Also how this is going to be even more fun with a few kids helping out in a few years.”

Jon let out a long, drawn out sigh before he barked out a quick laugh, shaking his head softly at you.

“You’re teasing me again, hun,” Jon told you, his voice light and bright, but you knew behind that was the fact that Jon desperately wanted kids. He wanted them as soon as you would have them. “Now I’m thinking about it.” 

“Yeah?” you asked him, your smile evident in your voice. “Two littles ones, running around, helping us with the decorations?” 

“Not sure how much helping they’re going to be capable of if they’re anything like me when I was a kid.” Jon laughed the words out of his mouth. “But, I can run interference for you if that’s what it takes to get the decorating done.” 

“Thanks for volunteering your services, Jon.”

“You just let me know when you want to get started on making that thought a reality,” Jon threw back at you. “Ready whenever you are, baby.” 

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ Patreon Commentary Catchup 2020-03-29

I know I’ve been sitting on half-a-dozen asks, but I’m gonna sit on those a little longer because after I’m done catching up on ALL the commentary I’ve missed I’ll probably be a little exhausted.

First the commentary on Chapter 5: YOUR 3Y3S H4V3 B33N CLOS3D.  I skimmed this before, just so I could leave a comment about what I’d been told about the suicide feeling / Jaspers funeral when she was “eight” being way too late on the timeline.  They still haven’t made any corrections to that HS^2 page.  Hm.  Are they just feeling the general vibe and tags to help the fandom guide things?  I’m wondering if anyone came to any of them specifically with that, since Patreon commentary doesn’t seem to cut it.  (Which I might be grateful for, from another point of view, because why would they favor paid methods.)

Sketches and Commentary: Chapter 5, "YOUR 3Y3S H4V3 B33N CLOS3D"

Starting commentary on why they played with the medium by opting for a Longpage with that update.  Unsurprising and understandable~

Ooh, they included the commission/sketch instructions for the image they asked from Xam.

I don't know what we did to deserve Xamag.

Yeah few people dispute Xamag’s awesomeness.~

Much of this conversation was written before they launched HS^2′s first chapter, huh?

With the "primary" version of its original protagonist dead in a wallet,

Did... did Terezi or someone else put John’s body in his wallet after he died?  I forget.  *checks back*

(Meat 35) That’s definitely a fair question. But I have one that’s much more important for her to answer. Terezi, are you seriously just going to leave the body here? “TEREZI: HUH?” Of course not. Terezi’s a practical girl, after all. She digs the wallet out of her blood-stained pants, and captchas the corpse. She holds it close to her heart, like a secret. Like John’s stupid last words: a confession whispered for her and no one else.And then she starts walking home.

(Meat 36) Terezi’s jaw tightens. She’s not ready to hear any words that remind her of those few hours with John. Her hand goes to her pocket, where she’s keeping the wallet. She traces the contours of it with her thumb and forces a smile.

[...] Here we both are. It’s a beautiful day. You’ve got your dead boyfriend in your wallet. And we’ve already managed to strike such a nice metatextual rapport. So hear me out. [...]  I ease the throttle back a bit, just enough so that I’m not whispering directly into her ear when she slips the wallet out of her pocket. She clutches it so hard in her palm that she’s digging dents into the leather, and bites her lip.

God damnit, that was an important fucking thing for me to forget.  I hope she preserved his corpse in a better way than just “wallet”.  And why the FUCK did Dirk think it was so important to bring him???? That’s not good, is it.

Back to the commentary, going to how the Dirk crew’s conversations especially cover the meta question of why continue the story at all...

This is actually a similar question to one explored by a series that shares a lot of Homestuck's creative DNA, Steven Universe.

Oh god damnit, what timing, huh?  And then they go on about what constitutes a happy ending and what’s supposed to happen after, how work might not be done, et cetera.  Hopefully these authors take a page from how SU:F finished, because Steven Universe managed to pull it back to uplifting pretty well.

These are two dangerous women, confined together long enough to learn all of each others' weaknesses, and sharp-edged enough to exploit them.

True enough.

Dirk, unfortunately, cucks the audience from seeing the scene's "true resolution." What an asshole. I've never been madder at this guy than I am right now. I bet he didn't even provide a warranty.

Pff.

On to the next commentary:

Sketches and Commentary: Catnapped, Part Three

Catnapped is some of the most fun I’ve had while writing, because Jasprose is just so goddamn fun. Cats don’t plan, they live in the moment. She’s always existing in that moment of pushing a glass off the table.

We can all agree with that I think.

Plenty they talk about here, but I’ll just quote part of anything about characterization... 

First, I actually really appreciate getting a lot at Jane's genuine sympathy for Dirk here. There was quite a bit of mutual fondness and care between the two of them – but, at the same time, they enabled each others' worst tendencies.

Hm!

Swifer remains the closest thing to a "straight man" this story has. (Not in the sexuality way. In the comedy way.)

Yep.

There was no universe where we left this story without Jasprose saying "owo what's this". You know it, I know it.

Jesus Christ, I didn’t catch that.

God, Problem Sleuth just has the worst commuting luck. He should put some of his rug money into a permanent locksmith. Checking back in with these scenes is always a delight. It probably took PS like two hundred off-screen panels to get to this point. Miserable.

Wait, that’s right, Catnapped 28 is shown before DDD 12, but AFTER Dad is shown marching up handcuffed in Catnapped 26.  And yet in DDD 12, Dad and DD come fetch PS from out of his office, when the handcuffed thing hasn’t happened yet in DDD.  You can’t DO that, authors!  It only makes RELEASE ORDER sense, not any sort of OTHER sense?  What about when people come to catch up or read this later!  Come on, that’s sloppy.  Unless they’re going to leave PS behind to stay trapped in his office MORE, which I wouldn’t put past them.  (But, wouldn’t make sense since the bullethole from C28 is already there in DDD12.)  Andrew knew more of how to be responsible telling an out-of-time-sync story, believe it or not.

Commentary ends with a few sketches, like Jasprose doing a The Mask impression, appropriately.

Sketches and Commentary: Chapter 6, "A Conversation Regarding Relevance"

Oh, it’s Jade time.

On alt!Callie’s starting Space rant:

I wanted to impress on everyone just how vast it is, and also to remind the audience that alt!callie has them at the same mercy that Dirk does. She can force us to listen to her pontificate endlessly if she so chooses. She’s slightly less insufferable than Dirk, if only perhaps because her text isn’t orange. 

Yep, mostly.

So here she is. Jade. We find out that not only is she conscious inside her own head, she is also incredibly chatty. And not too thrilled with her current situation. I know most of the audience isn’t either, considering the fact that Jade having no agency has basically become a meme at this point. 

NEVER. AGAIN. PLZ.

As Callie told us in the beginning of the chapter, it isn’t natural for people to behave like narrative devices. Even within her own thematic framework, Callie has a habit of defaulting to behaving like a person after all. 

Even alt!Callie still became a story nerd, not just original Callie -- she just became a different, more insufferable type of story nerd.

Plenty more discussion I don’t need to touch on...  keep in mind I’m omitting large parts of this in most cases, again, to respect the paywall.

A remark on Dave and Karkat being two emotionally-constipated early-twenties Bernie Bros, which... I mean.  Fair.

She definitely does love them, and she wanted to be with them, but also...Jade has a lot of other prospects. She’s actually the one character who seems to be enjoying her time on Earth c. Hitting up interspecies raves and getting around. We just haven’t seen any of that because none of those other people she boned are main characters. 

Maybe that’s why alt!Callie was so blind and dismissive of it?  Offscreen experience being less in the Light, therefore less relevant to her, even though that’s the exact attitude she’s ostensibly at war with?

Anyway Jade’s consciousness is huge.

Yep.

It’s been a while since we’ve had any sort of serious meta talk about classpects. Mostly because there’s really no use for classpects outside of the game, unless, for instance, you go around referring to everyone as the Prince or the Witch because you are a dramatic alien in a hood. It does make sense that a Witch’s powers would be more useful than a Sylph’s to a Muse. 

Aaaand that’s all the classpect mention we’re gonna get isn’t it? ;P

(Yes I know, the author told us to dial it back.  They ARE going ahead and prepping to answer some outstanding questions, though.)

Honestly, the Jade Situation is a tough one. To be sure, she has been sacrificed to the plot again and again, something that probably began as a coincidence and then later grew into a theme. Space players are destined to be huge, cosmic forces in the universe. Big movers. [...] But usually when we hear the story of big, god-like beings, we don’t think about the personalities behind them. What was it like for god to create the universe? Was he lonely? Did he regret it? Did he wish he could live in it instead? 

And Jade WAS too powerful not to sideline, by a certain point in the plot.  And before that, maybe trapped in a bit of a character arc where she had to get over some notions to step into the action.

I actually think Jade could have been okay with this. With being A Force For The Narrative. [...] But then Callie makes it personal.

Agreed.  If alt!Callie hadn’t been so shitty about it in general, they could have worked things out more meaningfully; but the immense resolve and effort it took to dominate Caliborn in her origin timeline has tainted her perception ALMOST as bad as Dirk’s.  Much of HS^2 is probably going to involve her gradually learning how to get over that in the background, the balance she needs to take ala the Ultimate Riddle’s lesson.

(Tangentially... it was said that it would have been nearly impossible to make alt!Callie dominate, even across ALL timelines.  What if alt!Callie had her timeline’s origin explained in HS^2 by a Third Scratch at this late date with the likes of Davebot running around to do it???  That would probably make me fucking mad.)

Back to the commentary.

Admittedly these last few chapters have definitely been “girls beating the crap out of each other” heavy, and I hope that’s okay.

PFFFFF

Callie and Jade aren’t really sure who makes a decision on what is considered “just” or “heroic”. Plot twist, it’s us. We do. But also the alpha timeline does.

Hmm.

More gorgeous Xam art. Initially we were going to make it more ambiguous whether or not she actually ate the peanut butter, but we decided to have it be a decisive moment of triumph.

Really?  Well, you could have made it visually clearer that the candy dropped.  A lot of people visually missed that.  This is a consequence of the back-and-forth artist-isnt-the-author art-commissioning going on, in part... Andrew was MUCH better at conveying what he wanted to convey BETWEEN panels than this crew, like comic book panels and their composition together; you can see that when comparing Homestuck proper’s sprite animation to that of fan adventures that used sprites, for instance.  These guys are at something of a disadvantage due to their disconnect.

Commentary on the Commentary

This commentary uses "she/her" to talk about the alternate Calliope possessing Jade, while the "other" Callie (remember them?) uses they/them. This other Calliope, presumably, has a much different relationship with her gender – and her brother – than the Callie we saw discussing the subject with Roxy and John. One of my favorite things about this update (I can say that, because I'm a second person who didn't write it) was that subtle hint about how different her Caliborn must have been to allow her to predominate in the first place. I'd be really interested in fan works exploring more about her (and his) past.

Hhhhmmmmmmm.

Not sure what else to say to that, but it does make me hmmm.

Sketches and Commentary: Diamonds, Dames, and Dads, Part 1

Probably not much plot-relevant here...

Oh pff.

They had full drawings of them going in for the kiss on standby.  They couldn’t resist making them.

Real talk, I have been looking forward to writing this story the most out of any other part of HS^2. Finally I get to combine my passions. Cheesy noir bullshit and old men making eyes at each other. 

Pfffffff.  Yes.

...the next three or four pages of this writing go on to describe how sexy this is and these characters and setting are.  I can’t fault a word of any of it.

The dream team is assembled. Nothing can possibly go wrong. 

Wow, I caught up on all this commentary quick.  See you next time.

[storybookwolf]

Nancy Wheeler, Matchmaker (for day 6 of Jancy Week 2019, Idiots in love and/or Forelsket [how you feel when you first begin to fall in love])

August, 1984

As Miss Walsh’s junior history class filed out of the room, Jonathan was intently reading Fahrenheit 451, oblivious as always to the mass of students around him. Nancy nudged him with her hip to get his attention. “Hey, do you want to come to Travis’s party this weekend? Steve and I can pick you up.”

Jonathan cocked his head to the side, looking at Nancy with his eyebrows raised in his best are you kidding me? expression. “Absolutely not.”

“Come on, why not? Are you afraid you might actually have fun?” she teased.

“It’s my greatest fear,” he said, deadpan. “But seriously, you know I don’t go to parties. They’re full of people, and I don’t like people.”

Nancy rolled her eyes. “You like some people.”

“Okay, fine, I like three people: my mom, Will and you. But if you keep trying to get me to go to parties, the list might be down to two.”

“Got it. I won’t bring it up again,” said Nancy. “Are you still up for studying after school today?”

“Sure,” he said. “I’ll meet you at my car.” They parted at the end of the hallway, him heading towards the art rooms and her towards the labs.

Nancy paused for a moment to watch him walk away, looking down at his book again but somehow still managing to navigate through the crowd. Like he was his own little planet, existing within Hawkins High but somehow not really a part of it. She was pretty sure that there were days when she was the only person he even spoke to at school. Other than a few awful weeks after everything that happened last year, when he was hassled for being a “pervert”, everyone other than her seemed to not even know he existed.

But then she noticed something. A girl – Samantha something, maybe Perrottet? – standing at a locker. It was open, but instead of getting her books, Samantha’s eyes were fixed on Jonathan as he walked down the hall. She even turned to watch him as he passed her. Unsurprisingly, Jonathan didn’t notice at all, too engrossed by Ray Bradbury. But Nancy saw it, and knew exactly what was happening.

This Samantha girl had a crush on Jonathan.

Nancy was delighted. This was so great! In the months that they’d been friends, she’d gotten to know what a sweet, kind, funny person Jonathan was, and it bothered her that no one else seemed to appreciate that. They were in a few of the same classes, and would study together after school once or twice a week. But she knew that whenever she was with Steve or Allie or Stacy, Jonathan was either working or holed up in his room. She wished that he had other people to hang out with – and now maybe he would.

She hurried off to physics, but the only formulas in her mind were how to get Jonathan and Samantha together.

***

It had been nice to learn that Jonathan Byers was the perfect study companion. Steve usually spent most of their study sessions trying to distract her from her work, and Allie and Stacy either wanted to gossip or get her to do their work for them. But she and Jonathan always seemed to strike the perfect balance between getting lots of work done and still having fun. It was almost like how things had been with Barb.

But that afternoon in the library, Nancy couldn’t focus on her notes. Instead, she was just waiting for the right moment to bring up Samantha. Did Jonathan even know her? She’d moved to Hawkins in middle school, and seemed to mostly hang out with band and drama kids. She was pretty, but not in a showy way, and was almost as quiet as Jonathan. Nancy wasn’t even sure if she’d ever spoken to her.

Her mind was still trying to think of a subtle way to ask Jonathan about Samantha when her mouth blurted out, “Samantha Perrottet has a crush on you.”

Jonathan froze, his pencil poised above the page. “What?”

“Umm. I just realised today, but I think she really likes you. You should…” Nancy shrugged. “You should ask her out.”

He dropped his pencil and leaned back in his chair, looking more nervous than he had when they were preparing to face the Demogorgon. “I, um, uh—I don’t even know her,” he said, colour rising in his cheeks.

“Well, maybe you should get to know her,” said Nancy. “She seems nice. And she’s pretty, don’t you think?”

Jonathan’s face was really red now. “I guess, yeah. I don’t know.” He twisted uncomfortably in his seat. “Listen, uh… I just remembered that Mom wants me home early today. I should go. You’re okay to wait for Steve to pick you up after practice, right?” Without waiting for an answer, he gathered up his things and rushed out of the library.

Even though her conversation with Jonathan about it couldn’t have gone worse, Nancy couldn’t stop thinking about setting him up with Samantha. It wasn’t surprising that he’d been so flustered when she’d brought it up – he’d never had a girlfriend. She wanted that for him, wanted him to have somebody who loved him and saw what a great guy he was. And she was pretty sure he’d make a great boyfriend.

This wasn’t her first attempt at finding someone for him. Over the summer, Stacy had been lamenting the limited selection of single high school boys in Hawkins. “Seriously, Nancy, Steve was the last decent guy in town, and now that he’s off the market there’s nobody,” she’d said. When Nancy suggested that Jonathan was good boyfriend material, Stacy just rolled her eyes, and she’d let the idea go.

But she just couldn’t let Samantha go. So Nancy did what she did best – research. By the end of the week, she knew that Samantha got mostly Bs, that she was a percussionist in the school band, and that she worked at the Dairy Queen, saving money to go on exchange to Italy. But most importantly, she found out that Samantha liked music that Nancy’s sources described as “weird” and “gloomy” – the exact words she would have used to describe half the stuff Jonathan listened to. Surely this was destiny.

It was time to step things up. Luckily, Nancy’s years of being a star student had ingratiated her with the school secretary. She dropped by the office before school with some of her mother’s fresh muffins for Mrs Verney, and when the older lady went to make a coffee to go with them, Nancy quickly found Samantha’s schedule in the files and copied it. All she had to do was cross-reference it with Jonathan’s, and she’d find all the possible opportunities for them to meet.

The only problem now was convincing Jonathan.

***

Nancy knew that persuading Jonathan to ask Samantha out would be the hardest part of her plan, so she decided to adopt a two-pronged approach. The first was to slowly, gradually reintroduce the topic, as subtly as she could, so as not to freak him out like last time. The second was to start taking routes through Hawkins High where they were more likely to see Samantha, so that when Jonathan was ready to make a move it could all come together naturally.

She hadn’t made much progress on the first prong — it was harder than she’d thought — but the second worked surprisingly quickly. One Tuesday, as they were cutting across the west hallway en route from English to Pre-Calc, Samantha was heading the other way (from Algebra to Social Studies). The younger girl was in such a rush that she literally ran into Jonathan as she passed, nearly dropping her books.

“Oh shit, sorry, I—” Samantha stopped speaking when she saw exactly who she’d run into. Her face went white. “I…. Sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s fine,” said Jonathan.

“Okay, thanks.” Samantha smiled and rushed off again.

It was possibly one of the most awkward social interactions Nancy had ever seen, even though Jonathan was actually more relaxed than he usually was when talking to his peers.

“I told you she liked you,” said Nancy, unable to stop herself from smirking a little.

Jonathan looked exasperated. “She would have bumped into anybody who was standing there just now. It doesn’t mean anything.”

“She wouldn’t have been that flustered if she’d bumped into anyone else, believe me. Are you actually this oblivious, or is it just an act?”

“I’m not…” He sighed.

“All I’m saying is, she likes you and she seems nice. So you should try to get to know her.”

Jonathan looked down at his shoes, his brow furrowing as he fiddled with the strap of his bag. “Why are you so invested in this?” he said quietly.

“You’re my friend and I want you to be happy, that’s all,” Nancy said as they reached their classroom.

Jonathan looked slightly pained. “What would make me happy right now, is not talking about this any more,” he said.

So Nancy let the subject drop. But whether it was her needling or Samantha’s battering-ram approach, Jonathan and the sophomore would now say “hey” to each other when they passed in the hall. And over the next few weeks, Nancy even saw them having a couple of actual conversations (very short ones, but it still counted). When banners for Homecoming went up, Nancy had to bite her tongue to stop herself suggesting that Jonathan ask Samantha to the dance. But even if her matchmaking hadn’t worked, she was still glad that Jonathan had someone else he could talk to.

“Hey, do you want to study after school today? I’m already freaking out about the test next week,” asked Nancy as they took their seats in history one morning.

“Oh, I’d really like to but I can’t,” said Jonathan. “I, uh, have something on.”

Nancy looked confused. “You don’t usually work Tuesdays. Did you swap shifts with Eric?”

“No, I, uh … I’m hanging out with Samantha.”

Nancy’s eyes lit up. “What? Why didn’t you tell me? When did you ask her out?”

He blushed. “I didn’t! And it’s not like that. Yesterday I said something about the Depeche Mode picture on her folder, and she asked if I’d heard their new album. I said I hadn’t, so she invited me over to listen to it today. It’s not a date or anything, we’re just hanging out.”

Just then, Miss Walsh walked in and started the class. Nancy spent the whole period stealing glances across at her friend, and thinking about his “not a date” which she was 100% certain was a date.

***

Since she was studying on her own that afternoon, Nancy went home instead of to the library. But somehow she just couldn’t focus on her notes. Her mind kept wandering to Jonathan and Samantha, wondering how their “not a date” was going.

She knew she should have felt smug. Victorious, even. This was exactly what she’d wanted: Jonathan having a cute music-nerd date with a nice, pretty girl who was into the same things he was.

But instead, whenever she thought of Jonathan and Samantha her stomach would lurch a little, and her skin would feel weirdly hot. She found herself getting irritated by the whole idea of the two of them together, even though she'd spent weeks trying to make it happen.

Oh shit. She was jealous.

It hit her like a wave of nausea. How could she have been so stupid? All this time she’d spent wishing Jonathan had a girlfriend, what she’d really wanted deep down was to be that girlfriend. And now she’d pushed him straight into the arms of Samantha, a girl who was actually bold enough to invite a guy she barely knew over to her house to listen to an album. Her stereo was probably in her bedroom, too, which was awfully convenient. Honestly, it was a Steve Harrington-level move, and she almost admired Samantha’s brashness. She would have admired it, if Samantha was using these moves on any other boy. But now Nancy realised that if any girl was going to be kissing Jonathan Byers, she wanted it to be her.

She needed a new plan. A counter-plan, one to undo all the careful scheming that had gotten her into this mess in the first place. Turning to a fresh page in her notebook, she quickly scribbled down some ideas.

Ring Samantha’s house and tell Jonathan there’s an emergency with Will, and he needs to go home right away. Pro: He would definitely leave. Con: It’s a low blow, and he’d be upset when he realised I lied.

Go over to Samantha’s house, pretending I think Jonathan has my history textbook. When I get there, feign enthusiasm for Depeche Mode and insist on staying to listen to the album. Pro: Third wheels always kill romance. Con: I would have to listen to Depeche Mode.

Do nothing, and just hope nothing happens between them. Call Jonathan later tonight, and tell him how I feel. Pro: Doesn’t involve lying or embarrassing myself in front of Jonathan and Samantha. Con: The thought of telling him I love him is terrifying.

She stared at the list for a few minutes. She couldn’t do option 1 – it was just too cruel to use Will as a pawn. And option 2 would make her look like a crazy person. Which left option 3. The scariest one, but also the most honest. If she ever wanted to have a real relationship with Jonathan, it had to be built on the fact that they were friends who could trust each other, who said what they were really thinking. She just had to wait until tonight.

It was going to be a very long afternoon…

[lolabean1998]

This Better Work Part 2

Sweet Pea X OC

Summery; Hey guys, not sure how well this is going to go but I originally put it on Wattpad so its way long, but hopefully its not horrendous. Let me know what you think! So, it follows the story line kind of, it’s not exact but I have tried and it follows my OC Ali as she navigates through the hell that is Riverdale. Whilst struggling with financial, social and romantic difficulties, she has the added pressure of keeping up with school work and bonus of being thrown into the frightening world of the criminal underground.

Side Note; None of the gifs or pictures I use are mine, I’m not talented or smart enough to even begin an attempt at making my own. Thank you to those who have such abilities and if you don’t want me using them then please let me know so I can remove them for you. 

Word Count; 5,235 (Give or Take)

"Get in, we're picking up Izzy and dearest Mummy Masters before going on a girls afternoon at the spa!" Cheryl called from the driveway. Ali had spent her day filing paperwork, signing forms and reorganizing the stock room for the thousandth time. Alongside fixing the mistakes the apprentices made. It was fair to say she was stress and drained. She needed this spa evening.

"Cheryl Bombshell Blossom I Love you to the moon and back!" Ali cheered leaping from her desk and bolting through the door, waving good bye to the apprentice at the desk behind hers as she dived in besides Cheryl. 

"I know, I love you too." Cheryl replied, with a proud grin as she sped down the road towards Ali's house. 

It was nothing big or fancy, nor was it you typical northside house. Ali lived in an old stone cottage with large vines crawling up the side, the garden was flooded with life. Plants springing from every corner, it was small but cosy. Ali loved living there. Even though it was in desperate need of maintenance, it still felt like home and her uncle came around whenever he got the chance, to fix things and help around the house. Cheryl thought Ali's home was just what it should be, a home. There were photos of family and friends plastering the walls and it always smelt like cookies and home baking. Ali darted inside to jump in the shower ready to scrub wash away as much of the dirt and grime as she could. 

"Cheryl! So lovely to see you! We've just made red velvet cupcakes, want one?" Ali's mum greeted Cheryl embracing her in a big mum hug. Cheryl couldn't help but feel at home here. 

"Yes please, Mrs. Masters that would be lovely." She teased, taking a perfectly baked and decorated cupcake from the tray in front of her. 

"Oh, stop it. I've told you, call me Rosie please! Mrs. Masters makes me sound old." Rosie laughed giving her an amused scowl and placing a comforting hand on Cheryl’s arm before heading into the living room to tell Izzy it was time to go. 

The girls spent the evening relaxing drinking wine (lemonade for Izzy) and gossiping. Ali told them about the rumours she'd heard from different customers throughout the day, whilst Izzy told them all about the latest boy trouble in her year. It was the perfect end to a very stressful day. 

"Ali wake up. Ali wake up!" Izzy cheered excitedly, bouncing on the bottom of Ali's Bed. She lifted her head marginally from her pillow to glance over at the clock beside the vase filled with her favourite flowers. 8am. Ali flopped her head back onto her soft, blue pillow groaning as she pulled the pale blue duvet covers over her head. 

"Izzy it's 8am on a Sunday. This is my one day off!" Ali groaned sleepily into her pillow.

"Exactly Ali! It's your day off and you promised to help me and Sam with our science project! Please Ali! I made you tea and pancakes. Well mum made them, but I helped." Izzy beamed, her sweet innocence overwhelming Ali forcing her to get up like some twisted Jedi mind trick. She couldn't say no to her little sister. Slowly, she climbed out of bed throwing on a pair of scruffy, black, skinny jeans and a grey tank top over her black sports bra, grabbing a faded grey hoodie and the pair of fluffy neon orange socks Izzy had found for her before hopping down stairs. 

"You look like shit Ali!" Rosie stated handing her a large mug of tea and a plate of pancakes and blueberries.

"Thanks mum, good morning to you too." Ali replied sarcastically, laughing at her mothers no messing, straight to the point comment. Rosie handed Izzy a hair brush so she could start brushing her sisters insanely long and messy hair whilst Ali wolfed down her plateful of pancakes. Throwing her socks on and glugging down her tea in seconds.

"There you go Ali, mum showed me how to plait so I did your hair like Lara Croft! She's a Bad ass too!" Izzy grinned jumping down from her stool and running over to the front door to grab her helmet and Ali's combat boots. 

"Looks like you're off then Ali!" Rosie smiled gesturing to Izzy who was desperately trying to do the laces on her own combat boots. Ali thought it was cute that Izzy looked up to her so much. She even dressed like her. Izzy wore a pair of grey jeans and black t-shirt, paired with a black hoodie with a bright orange zip and tassels. That explains the socks. Ali thought as she wandered over to help Izzy tie her navy-blue combat boots.

"Oh, and I said I'd help Hog Eye balance the books for the Wyrm tonight. You should pop by and say hello." Rosie called as they threw on their helmets and fingerless leather gloves.

"All over it! Love you Mum!" The sisters called back in chorus before disappearing out the door and racing to the old Harley Davidson tucked away in its own little shed. That was the first thing to go up when they moved in. Before unpacking or doing any of the other usual moving house things people do. The Masters family spent the day choosing the perfect spot to build a shed for the Harley. 

"Hold on tight Izzy!" Ali called once Izzy tapped her shoulder giving her the ok. The girls sped off down the road heading towards the Sunday morning market in Greendale so they could grab some water balloons and the ingredients for s’mores. Though it was far too cold for a water fight, the girls agreed it would be a good distraction and make warming up by the fire all the more fun. 

Ali quickly parked the bike next to a bunch of others. Safety in numbers and what have you. Before swinging Izzy onto her back and sprinting off into the crowd to grab the supplies. They were quick and efficient with Ali grabbing the stuff they needed whilst Izzy counted out the cash and paid. The girls were finished and back at the bike in less than an hour. Packing the stuff in the bags either side of the seats laughing about a grouchy raven-haired boy they had bumped into on their way round.

"Maybe he was having a bad day!" Izzy thought as she sat on the back of the bike sipping her hot chocolate and looking over at the various array of bikes.

"You think maybe we should've bought him a hot chocolate to cheer him up?" Ali asked her sister. She loved spending time with her. Listening to the innocent, unfiltered comments that she came out with.

"With extra whipped cream and marshmallows!" Izzy agreed thinking back to the scowl hidden beneath a few strands of raven black hair. "He was crazy tall as well. So its not like he’s grumpy 'cos he couldn't reach the cookie jar!"

"Yeah he's like goliaths angry love child." Ali chuckled before her eyes shot wide open as it suddenly dawned on her. She quickly began scanning through the array of bikes until her gaze settled on the bike she had spent the previous night fixing up. 

"No freaking way! Izzy get over her with your printy camera thingy ma jig." She instructed, ushering towards the Harley she had fixed up.

"You mean my polaroid, but I'll let it slide. Why? What's up buttercup?" Izzy skipped over to the bike, puzzled by what was going on. 

"Jump on and strike a pose we are leaving this kid some crazy selfies to cheer him up." Ali replied, the determination in her voice was overpowering. 

Izzy climbed up on the bike and the girls began taking selfie after selfie, making a little sign with a piece of scrap paper in Ali's pocket and a permanent marker, that read 'Don't worry, you'll find your smile!'. They left the pile of selfies on the seat wrapped in a pretty, floral paper bag with a pack of water balloons on top before setting off towards Sunnyside Trailer park. 

"Morning Momma Fogarty!" The girls called as they pulled up outside the Fogarty family trailer.

"Ah girls come in, come in. I must pop out for a bit but Sam's inside doing her homework and Fangs is asleep. Feel free to wake him up and get him doing some homework. He was out all-night last night with his boy scouts group doing god knows what!" She rambled, welcoming the girls in and making them a cup of tea each before scurrying out the door, waving a final goodbye. Her orange floral dress hugging her chubby curves.

"Well that was intense. You guys get started on your science project. I'm going to go and wake up sleeping beauty." Ali grinned wickedly, heading down to the small room at the end of the trailer, pausing before she knocked on the door. 

"He doesn't have a person in there with him, does he?" Ali asked giving the girls a concerned glance. The tanned girl shook her head giggling as Ali nodded taking a deep breath before swinging the door to Fangs room open and leaning casually against the door frame.

"MAA its Sunday!" Fangs groaned into his pillow, the light stretching through the doorway was the only source of light in his small, trailer house bedroom. The stench of whiskey and beer hung thickly in the stale air.

"What's up Buttercup, the sunlight hurt?" Ali sympathised sarcastically before sauntering over to the curtains and flinging them open. 

"Come on tequila worm, coffees on and we're making a science project. Oh, and Mama Fogarty wants your homework done. I'll help if you get up before Izzy's finished filling the bucket. You have ice, right?" Ali asked rather seriously before disappearing out the door and moving to hold the door to the bathroom open. 

Turning to her sister and mouthing "Glass of water" to her. Izzy jumped up excited to be helping and grabbed a large pint glass of water for Ali. 

The second Fangs heard the tap running he bolted out of bed in a blind panic. His eyes shooting wide with fear as he realized his big mistake when the sudden urge to vomit took control of his limbs and insides. He bolted out his bedroom to the bathroom. Ali stood by the door until Izzy handed her a glass of water. Laughing when Ali winked at her before moving to crouch beside Fangs rubbing his back and handing him the glass. 

"Ali should we get the Hangover cure ready?" Izzy asked poking her head round the door frame.

"Better had and whilst you're at it, grab Fangs some comfy clothes. He appears to have forgotten he’s in his underwear." Ali spoke quietly trying not to make Fangs feel worse than he already did. 

"You and flower had a drinking contest didn't you. You know the giant is the undefeated champion right." Ali chatted, rubbing his back until he had nothing left to bring up. Fangs sat back, resting his head against the wall behind him as he sipped the water.

"I swear to god I'm never falling for that trick again! That bastard nearly killed me, he better be just as bad as me right now." Fangs mumbled, his eyes closed to shield himself from the killer headache consuming him. 

"He crazy tall, with dark hair and a neck tattoo? Scowls a lot?" Ali asked although she already knew the answer. 

"Yeah, why?" Fangs asked curiously.

"We bumped into him this morning at the market. Besides holding a very angry scowl he seemed perfectly fine. What were your drinking last night anyway?" Ali asked handing him a damp cloth to wipe his face and a pair of sweat pants and white vest.

"Vodka and Silver tequila. Why?" Fangs replied slowly getting to his feet with the help of Ali.

"That’s why he's fine dummy." Ali rolled her eyes at the boys gullible attitude. 

"You were doing vodka and tequila shots. He was doing water shots. They look very similar and he probably paid the bartender off. Honestly Fogarty I thought you gangsters were supposed to be hip to these tricks." Ali tutted helping Fangs stand steady as he threw on the sweat pants. Heading into the kitchen, being greeted by Izzy and Sam who were holding a glass off peculiar, green juice.

"Here you go Fangs, we made it to make you feel better. Painkillers are on the side." Sam chirped happy to be included in the sobering up of her older brother. Scowling a little when he ruffled her short, dark chocolate hair in thanks.

"Down it in one Fangs, tastes like horse piss but it's good stuff trust me." Ali insisted, handing him the glass and painkillers.

"Had much experience with that have you Ali cat?" Fangs teased downing the drink and painkillers in one. Ali was right it tasted awful but after about half an hour Fangs was feel much better. 

They had just finished the last of Fangs' English homework and half of the paper mache moulds when there was a loud knock at the door. 

"It's open but we demand feeding upon entry!" Ali called, standing up and making her way to the door as it opened. Revealing a girl only a little bit taller than Ali, with incredible pink and brown hair.

"Hey Topaz, no Jug?" Ali asked letting her inside. The girl smiled dumping her bag on the kitchen side next to Fangs and pulling out her homework. 

"Heard there was a study group and since Bughead are studying together I figure I'd come and join you guys, hope that's ok." Toni asked turning to look at Ali who was smiling as always.

"Absolutely, Fangs was just about to start his trig homework." Ali chirped handing over a notebook full of scribbles. 

"These are my notes, they should help explain it. I'm going to help the girls design the motor for their moving solar system ok?" Toni and Fangs rolled their eyes nodding with an amused smirk.

"So, I saw Sweat Pea this morning. Looks like he got you again huh Fangs?" Toni teased reading through the notes Ali had given her.

"Sounds like he got had by the old water, Vodka trick." Ali chuckled.

"Can we mock me later please?" Fangs groaned resting his head on his book and closing his eyes.

"It's ok Fangs. At some point I'll challenge the grouch to a drinking contest. You can mock him then instead." Ali grinned winking at Izzy when her head flew up in excitement. Ali knew every trick in the book, her father had practically written it and taught her everything he knew. 

The group spent the rest of the morning chatting and working hard. Toni and Fangs finished their homework rather quickly and moved to help with the paper mache whilst Ali showed Izzy and Sam how to build the water powered motor. 

"Well guys I'd say its a good job done. Just leave it to dry and we can paint it tomorrow!" Ali declared cheerfully, standing back to admire their hard work. Her hands resting on her hips. 

"Ali, I'm hungry can we go to Pops now?" Izzy whined, her stomach growling as she spoke. 

"Ok Kiddo, grab your helmet. You guys coming? Foods on me." Ali offered looking at everyone's hungry faces as she snatched her helmet and keys.

"I've got my uncles truck for the day so I can give Fangs and Sam a lift. I don't think you should be driving just yet." Toni grinned dragging Fangs through the door with the assistance of Sam, who was pushing and shoving him from behind. 

"Race you there?" Ali called lifting Izzy onto the back ok her bike. Toni snorted at the offer shaking her head.

"Do I look stupid to you? There's no way I'd win against you on that beast!" She called jumping into her truck and waiting for Fangs to climb in after Sam. 

"Fair point. See you there!" Ali called before speeding away. Izzy clinging tightly to her sisters waist laughing as they hit a straight stretch of road perfect for reaching top speed. 

After enjoying a big lunch at Pops, Toni and Fangs took Sam back to the trailer before heading to the Wyrm to pick up Jughead and Sweet Pea. Whilst Ali and Izzy made their way to the quarry to start setting up. Izzy lit a fire in the large metal drum at the centre of several old sofas and huge log, whilst Ali filled up the water balloons, placing piles of them in strategic places around the fire pit. Her music played cheerfully in the background as the girls danced as they worked. 

They had just finished filling up the last of the balloons and were making sure the towels were safely tucked away by the bike, where they wouldn't get wet. When they heard the familiar grumble of Toni's truck. Ali and Izzy grabbed a water balloon each before standing side by side on one of the logs surrounding the fire. Water balloons safely hidden behind their backs.

Toni and Fangs made their way over to the girls, closely followed by an overly serious Jughead and Scowling Sweet Pea. Ali grinned at Fangs as he stopped on the log opposite her. Toni made her way over to stand by Ali and Izzy. Secretly accepting the water balloon Izzy handed her from behind, being careful not to let Fangs see. They then waited for the other 2 to join Fangs before Ali spoke.

"Hey Jug, Fangs, Flower." She acknowledged with a mischievous grin, putting Jughead on edge.

"I don't like that look. Fangs why is she looking at us like that!" He said nervously sceptical, flinching when Ali's eyebrow twitched daringly.

"In my defence Jones, I tried. I really did." Fangs defended, looking at his friend apologetically.

"Who is this Northsider and why is she here?" Sweet Pea questioned giving Ali a disgusted scowl making Toni chuckle a bit. His scowl was different from his usual northside hatred glare.

"I, my dear flower," Ali replied sweetly, stepping forward and tilting her head to the side innocently. Making Fangs and Jughead gulp. They didn't like where this was going. 

"I’m the girl that’s going to get You wet." She grinned sweetly, before launching a large water balloon at Sweet Pea's face and diving behind the log she had jumped off. His face fell in horror as the ice-cold water collided with his chiselled cheek bones.

"IT'S GIRLS V BOYS! THIS MEANS WAR!" Izzy and Toni screamed launching their water balloons at the guys before running to grab more ammunition and take cover.

"Winner is the team that stays driest. Game finishes when we run out of balloons!" Ali yelled throwing another balloon at Sweet Pea who was pissed and determined to get revenge on the Northsider that had the audacity to attack him like that. 

The game went on for a while, each team using different tactics. Whilst the boys went for the panicked maniac approach. The girls decided to trap them. Tricking the boys into a false sense of security with a few poorly aimed throws. Making the guys think they had the upper hand. Moving in to strike a tree they thought the girls had huddled behind only to find nothing but a large X on the ground.

"X MARKS THE SPOT DUMMIES" Ali called from above them. She had scurried up the tree carrying a bag full of water balloons with Izzy and Toni placed strategically behind the trees surrounding the mark waiting for the signal. The girls immediately opened fire on the guys as they stood defence less, hopelessly trying to fight back. But resistance was futile. Especially after Ali tipped the large bag of balloons over them from above. Soaking them from head to toe. 

"Told you I'd get you wet!" Ali teased, grinning smugly from the branch she was perched on.

"OK Ali. You win!" Jughead called trying to stifle a laugh. Ringing out his hat and shaking out the water from his hair. Ali grinned victoriously as she climbed back down the now very slippery tree trunk, her foot slipping at the last step sending her flying backwards. She had just enough time to throw her legs back, pushing her way through the damp air in a recovery back flip. Her feet landing solidly between Fangs and Jughead. After several seconds of laughing at Ali's near miss with the ground, the group made their way back over to the fire throwing a few more logs on to build up the flames. Laughing and joking about the battle they had just fought.

"It goes without saying, girls are definitely better than boys!" Toni stated handing out towels, making Izzy giggle. 

"Ali pulled a Lara Croft on them!" Izzy squeaked happily, holding her tummy as a giggle fit took a hold of her. Pushing her on her side almost making her fall off the log she was sat on. But just as she was about to roll off, a large hand grabbed her, pulling her back up to safety. Sweet Pea chuckled as he looked down at the little girl still curled up in a raging fit of gut busting laughter. Wrapping a large muscular arm around her to hold her steady.

After a few minutes of everyone laughing at Izzy's uncontrollable giggles, the group managed to calm down, as did Izzy's giggles. Though she still had the occasional chuckle slip through. Ali chuckled at her little sisters innocence as she went to grab the food she had bought earlier. Placing a box of goodies in front of the group.

"Told you she'd help you find your smile!" Izzy murmured looking up at Sweet Pea who had been watching Ali as the group laughed and chatted. A small grin tweaking at the corners of his chapped lips. 

"Shush you and grab me a s’more." He replied warmly. Sending Izzy over to grab them both a s’more and a sandwich each. Ali looked at the handfuls of food in Izzy's arms, moving her gaze to Sweet Pea who was sat beside Fangs. An Izzy sized gap between them.

"You slave driver! Did you just send poor, frozen little Izzy over to grab Your food?" Ali accused playfully, chuckling at Izzy when she nodded her head happily before shuffling back over to her cosy spot between the two gangsters.

"I'm helping, Ali!" Izzy defended with a proud grin as Fangs wrapped her back up in a large purple towel.

The group sat there until it was too dark and cold to stay any longer. They silently packed everything away before heading to the Whyte Wyrm. Izzy rode in the truck with Toni and Fangs so she wouldn't freeze to death on the back of Ali's bike. Forcing Sweet Pea to ride with Ali on her bike and Jughead, who refused to ride with Ali ever again, managed to squeeze inside Toni's truck after being dragged in by Izzy.

"Not too bad for Northsider's are they?" Jughead teased Sweet Pea as they followed her inside the dimly lit bar.

"They're ok I guess," He shrugged, not letting Jughead know he was right. 

"Izzy's funny, annoying but tolerable." He grumbled waving to the bar tender and ordering a round of beers for the guys.

"You're just upset 'cos the kids more perceptive than you are." Fangs interjected grabbing his beer and leaning against the bar. Smirking at his friend.

"Hey Hog-Eye, can you tell mum we're here and can we get 2 ginger beers please. Its a school night and Izzy's here." Ali greeted cheerfully, her smile brighter than ever as she accepted the drinks handed to her.

"Drinks on the house kid. You and your mum do enough for us and don't think I haven't noticed the discounts you've been giving the Serpents." Hog Eye insisted, waving away the money Ali had pulled out.

"Hey what about me?!" Izzy asked looking a little upset peering over the edge of the bar on her tiptoes.

"Sorry kiddo almost forgot about your handy work with a paint brush." Hog eye apologized leaning over to ruffle her hair a little.

"Come on Izzy, lets see if the guys are brave enough to play us at pool. Thanks Hog-Eye!" Ali smiled guiding her little sister towards the pool table on the other side of the room.

"Hey Fangs, make sure she stays out of trouble. You know what she's like." Hog-Eye ordered nodding his head towards Ali and Izzy who were setting up the pool table.

"Come on Sweet Pea. Lets show these Northsiders how to play properly." He nudged, before making his way over. "Fancy a game? Girls V Boys rematch?" He asked jumping on a nearby stool. 

"That's hardly fair Fangs." Ali answered grabbing a stick from the corner and handing it to Izzy.

"Worried you're going to lose? Don't worry we'll go easy on you Northsiders." Sweet Pea mocked folding his arms, a smug grin plastered on his face. Izzy and Fangs rolled their eyes at his arrogance as Ali stepped forwards, almost squaring up to the 6'3 giant in front of her.

"On the contrary my darling," Ali's voice sickeningly sweet as was the innocent expression that washed over her face. "It's hardly fair because Izzy has more talent in her little finger than you do in your entire body." Ali teased wiggling her little finger at him.

"Bring it Northsider. 50 bucks says me, and Fangs win." Sweet Pea challenged stepping closer and looking down at Ali who was considerably shorter than him.

"This is getting intense. You could cut the sexual tension in here with a knife." Izzy whispered to Fangs, kneeling up on her stool and leaning forwards to rest her elbows on the table as they watched.

"I know." Fangs agreed before whipping round in shock at Izzy's comment, 

"Isabelle Masters watch your language! You shouldn't know about things like that at your age!" He scolded, making Izzy scowl at him.

"Dude I'm 8 not 2!" Izzy scoffed sticking her tongue out at him making him laugh. 

"Oh god they're shaking hands, you two are in for it now she's got that look again." She warned sitting up as her sister approached.

"Boy scout over here put 50 bucks on them winning. Fancy earning 50 bucks Izzy?" Ali questioned sarcastically. Izzy grinned nodding her head, her blonde plait falling over her shoulder as she jumped down from stool dragging it into position to start the game. 

"Said Izzy could break. Give them a fair chance." Sweet Pea told Fangs as the little girl took her position. Fangs looked at his friend in horror.

"You suggested it or were coerced?" Fangs demanded under his breath making his friend look at him dumb founded.

"What’s the difference?" He shrugged just as Izzy took her shot sending the balls flying across the table potting a red ball and a yellow ball. "Actually, don't answer that." 

"Looks like you're stripes. Fitting really considering you're about to get whipped." Ali mocked watching as Izzy took her second shot moving a striped ball away from its original spot, making it difficult for the Boy's to pot anything.

"Games only just begun Ali Cat. Plenty of time to kick your ass." Fangs sneered back before taking his shot, hitting his target but missing the shot. Ali shook her head, pouting sarcastically at him as he hung his head down in annoyance, avoiding the smug twinkle growing in the oppositions eyes. 

"Maybe next time sugar plum." Ali teased moving round the table to stand next to Sweet Pea in the far corner. Bending over the table to line up her shot sticking her ass out a little more than necessary. Grazing the side of his thigh as she raised the end of her stick to take her shot. Making him suck in a sharp breath of air. Ali smirked taking her shot and potting another ball. Standing straight, she turned to look at Sweet Pea who was gripping the stick in his hands so tight, his knuckles were turning white. The muscles in his jaw showing through as he clenched his jaw even more. She fluttered her big blue eyes at him, placing a friendly hand on his biceps and smiling brightly.

"Sorry did I get you then?" She asked winking at him before moving round to take her second shot.

"Looks like the kids are playing nicely together." Jughead observed as he and Toni watched from the bar.

"Which kids are you watching?" Toni snorted giving him a concerned side eye glance. 

"From what I can see, this game is big ball of passive aggression. Looks like Pea's met his match too. If he grips that stick anymore, hes going to be replacing it." Toni commented looking over at Jughead.

"You think there's something there don't you." Jughead proposed looking at the glint in Toni's eyes.

"All I'm saying is that Northsider has managed to get away with a lot more than most." Toni responded taking a swig of her beer. "And they've only just met."

"Yeah because Izzy's here. Sweet Pea may be a hot head but he's not a monster. He wouldn't scare an innocent kid like Izzy." Jughead debated, pointing to Izzy and Sweet Pea who had just shared a high ten when she won the game potting the final ball. "See, I rest my case." 

"Ok Jughead 20 bucks says I'm right. If there isn't some obvious flirting between them, you win. If there is, you owe me 20 bucks and be my slave for a day of my choosing. Deal?" Toni offered turning to Jughead and holding out her hand for him to shake to seal the deal.

"Fine. But if I win, I want my 20 bucks and you're my slave for a day of MY choosing." Jughead bargained shaking Toni's hand in agreement.

"30 bucks says they remain completely oblivious to their feelings." Hog-Eye interjected, leaning beside Jughead cleaning a glass as he watched the group set up another match. This time Fangs and Ali versus Izzy and Sweet Pea.

"That's an obvious bet Hog-Eye. The question is for how long. My money says maximum 2 months. They're bound to notice eventually." Toni judges, looking over at Hog-Eye for his opinion.

"No way. Ali is the most oblivious person ever. I say Sweet Pea notices before she does, but it takes him at least 3 months before he does." Hog Eye predicts looking to Toni and holding his hand out to seal the deal. "What do you say?" 

"Alright Hog-Eye, you're on!" She agrees shaking hands with the older Serpent.

[littlemonstersau-blog]

Meet The Parents

Written by @jkl-fff, illustrated by me

————————————————————————————————

Bill, meticulously arranging props in front of laptop: … Okay, that looks enough like organization getting unintentionally messy … [puts cotton balls in cheeks to make them rounder, straightens tie, puts on stolen glasses, picks up pen] And now, to wait for the skyelp to come through! [bends over “homework” as if dutifully studying … holds exact pose for over 5 minutes while quivering with excitement]

*laptop chimes as skyelp comes online*

Dipper, excitedly: Will? You there? I’m here with Mom and— [registers costume (especially new additions of sweater vest, tie, and glasses) and gasps]

Bill, beaming and voice-cracking: Dippy!

Dipper, breathlessly happy: … h-hey there …

Ms. Pines, squealing softly to her husband: My gosh, he’s so cute!

Mr. Pines, just as softly and trying not to laugh: He looks like a tiny, Irish accountant. Like he’s balancing the ledgers for the Leprechaun King.

Ms. Pines: I know! I just wanna pat his chubby, little cheeks and put a pencil behind his ear!

Dipper, blushing: M-Mom! Dad! Don’t embarrass me with B-Will! [clearing throat] Um, Will. This is m-my Mom and Dad.

Bill, dripping with wholesome enthusiasm: Pleased to meecha, Ms. and Mr. Pines! I’m William Corduroy, but you can call me Will. Or even (ugh) Willy, if you like.

Ms. Pines: Well, Willy, it is sooo nice to finally meet you!

Mr. Pines, sternly: What are your intentions with my son? [gets smacked by wife while son groans] What? C’mon, I had to ask it at least once. I’m a dad!

Bill: My intentions? [flashes through everything he’s imagined doing with Dipper since the twins had to go home … it’s pretty wild; blushes; starts to sweat] hhh … HOLD HANDS! MAYBE KISS FACE! CH-CHERISH! [gestures helplessly at Dipper] I mean, look at him! What else could anyone intend with him?!

Ms. Pines and Dipper: D’awww!

Mr. Pines, still sternly: You tell me. What else do you intend?

Dipper, burying face in hands: Oh, Moses, Dad …

Ms. Pines: Dear, stop, you’re making the poor boys nervous. And teenage boys already sweat enough as it is. Just look at Dipper.

Dipper: Mom!

Ms. Pines, insistently: We can have a talk about … safety and responsibility later. [Bill and Dipper exchange a horrified look] Right now, we’re here to get to know Dipper’s little boyfriend. So stop acting out clichés for 5 minutes, please. Now, Willy … um … How’s your day been? What’ve you been up to?

Bill, relaxing visibly as things go back on script: Oh, y’know. Same old, same old. School. Now I’m just here at the library, gettin’ my homework done for the weekend. [gestures at prop “homework” like a good student] Sorry I couldn’t do this at home where you could meet my dad, but we don’t have a computer. If you can believe that. It’s also why I’m still wearin’ these school clothes.

Dipper, confused: School clothes? Gravity Falls schools don’t require uniforms. They’re public.

Bill: Oh, well … Today was … special.

Dipper: Did you … dress up just to impress my parents?

Bill, a little defensively: Golly, I just wanted to make a good first impression! So your folks’ll, y’know … like me. And let us keep being together.

Ms. Pines, charmed: Oh, don’t worry, Willy. It worked; I think you look absolutely darling!

Bill: Gee, thanks! I can see where Dippy gets his sweet personality!

Ms. Pines: Oh, you!

Mr. Pines, rolling eyes: Okay, honey, dial back the falling for cheesy compliments. Anyway, Will, what do you like to study?

Bill: Oh, I really like math. Especially … trigonometry.

Dipper, snorting: Pff! Seriously? Oh, um, inside joke.

Bill: Perpendicular.

Dipper: Hahaha! C’mon, man, be serious!

Bill: Let’s see … I also like psychology. Dream analysis is fun, ‘cause then I getta tell people that, like, I’m the boy of their dreams … analysis! At least, I getta tell Dipper that.

Mr. Pines, snorting: Okay, I’ll give you points for that one, kid. Dad Joke level of corniness. 6.5/10.

Bill, grinning: Gee, thanks!

Mr. Pines: You getting good grades in math and psychology?

Bill, playing at modesty: Oh, golly, sir. I don’t wanna brag … But it is easier to work hard when it’s fun, y’know? Unlike the way they do history classes here.

Mr. Pines: Boring teachers?

Bill: Yeah. Plus, they’re complete schills for the conservative military-industrial complex. It’s bad propaganda done borin’ly.

Mr. Pines, perking up: What makes you say that?

Bill: Oh, the usual. The don’t even teach that Ben Franklin was secretly Gwen Franklin, that JFK was killed by mobsters from the future to keep him from becomin’ a robo-dictator, and that Ronald Reagan was a mind-controlled puppet put in power by a conspiracy of billionaires to keep colonizin’ other countries for their resources and essentially slave labor.

Mr. Pines: Ugh! Tell me about it! And it’s all because they want to keep the populace uninformed and easy to pacify.

Bill, defiantly: But it’s not gonna work on me! Or Dippy! We do our own historical research and stick it to the man!

Mr. Pines: Boo-yeah! Tear down corporate capitalism! [turns to wife] Okay, I like this kid.

Bill: I can see where Dipper gets his keen judgment of character. Along with his striking good looks.

Mr. Pines: Oh, go on!

*Dipper gives bill a secret thumbs-up*

Ms. Pines, smirking: Okay, now who has to dial back the falling for cheesy compliments? [turns back to Bill] So, math and psychology and rebellious history study … Given any thought to what you’d like to do with those when you grow up?

Bill, feigning thoughtfulness: I … think … I’d … like to make video games. Coding and design and such. But ones that make players think and be creative.

Ms. Pines, impressed: Really? Has Dipper told you that’s the kind of work I do?

Bill: What? No! Gosh, Dippy, why’d you never tell me! That’s just swell, ma’am! What kind?

Ms. Pines: Indie games, so there’s a lot of side-scrolling and retro RPG elements—very basic gaming elements— but sooo much more heart. And, like, artistic integrity. The kinda stuff that really touches people.

Bill, starry-eyed: That’s the kinda stuff I wanna make!

Ms. Pines: It’s not easy … but it’s worth it. So, how’d you and Dipper meet? When’d you start dat—

Mr. Pines: Wait, sorry, hold up. Is that a freakin’ skull? [points at shelf]

Bill, genuinely surprised: What? [turns, has to take off glasses to actually see] Well, gosh, it looks like it is.

Dipper, mouthing silently: Why in the 79 hells would you even put that there?!

Bill, honestly: I’m honestly not sure why the library’d have that. I didn’t even notice it.

Mr. Pines: Might wanna get your prescription checked, kiddo.

Bill: They’re reading glasses, so …

Dipper, mouthing silently: Where’d you even … ARE THOSE GRUNCLE FORD’S?!

———

[Meanwhile, back at the Shack, Ford, stumbling around all squint-eyed: Ah, Stan, there you are! Have you seen my glasses?

Sascrotch, standing mutely like a taxidermied figure: …

Ford: It’s the darndest thing. I’d swear I set them on the end table when I laid down to take a nap, but couldn’t find them when I woke up. Of course, I’m not having much luck finding my glasses without my glasses.

Sascrotch: …

Ford: What? Oh, am I still getting the silent treatment for saying you’re too old to have hair that long?

Sascrotch: …

Ford, indignantly turning away: Fine, who needs you anyway? I’d find them without your hel—

Ford, tripping: AAA!

Ford, lying flat on his face: … I’m alright!]

———-

Bill, continuing as if to the Dad, but actually to Dipper: It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. [goes and puts a book in front of the skull] There! Problem solved!

Mr. Pines: Yeah, that’s much bet … Is that The Necronomicon?!

Bill, genuinely surprised again: … Huh. Looks like it is. [picks it up, pages through it … shakes head] Nah, it’s just The Nockoffronomicon. You can tell ‘cause it doesn’t mention Shaggy or even Bob. And instead of Cthulhu, it’s dedicated to Cthhula. [puts different book in front of skull] The best dancer among the Elder Gods, am I right?

Mr. Pines: Heh … 7/10 for that one.

Bill: Gee, thanks! Anyway, um … D’you mind if I tell ‘em, Dippy? You’re sure it’s okay? [pretending to get bashful] So, um … Dippy used to have a crush on my big sis, Wendy. And ‘cause she works at the Shack, they’d be, like, hanging out together a lot. He even came over to the house a few times. And, um, naturally I had a crush on him from the get go, ‘cause just look at him! Who wouldn’t?

Dipper, blushing: Ah, jeez …

Ms. Pines: D’awww!

Mr. Pines, grudgingly: D’awww …

Bill, making himself grin and blush wholesomely: So I started coming along to hang out. Then, before I knew it, it was just us hanging out alone together. And we were exploring the woods one day when we found some wild mistletoe—golly, I told him, “That’s wild mistletoe. That’s what it looks like in the wild.” and then he said … No, he stepped under it first, then he said, “Guess we gotta kiss now.”—and so we kissed.

Mr. Pines, slapping his son on the back: You sly, little dog!

Bill: And I was like, “Gee, that was swell!” Can you believe it?! Real lame-o line to follow a first kiss, right? And he was like, “We could do it again, if you want.” And I said, “But, gosh, we’re not even dating! Everyone’ll think I’m a boy-floozy!”

Ms. Pines: HA! Oh, that’s precious!

Bill, giggling: Y-yes, ma’am! It was! And then Dippy, he said, “Well, be my boyfriend. We’ll start calling our hang-outs dates, and I’ll fight anyone who calls you a floozy.” It was soooo chivalrous!

Dipper, beet red and with his hands in his face: Stahp …

*a while later, after the parents have left*

Dipper, relieved: That … That went a lot better than expected. And they sure loved Willy Corduroy.

Bill, self-assuredly: Natch. I’m inescapably charming, no matter the alias. [pulls out cotton balls and tosses them in the trash] If you ever call me Willy, though, I will shank one of your stuffed animals. That was me takin’ one for the team. Which is us, by the way. The team is us.

Dipper: Heh! Yeah, I gathered that.

Bill: Still, I’m surprised they never asked about my eyes …

Dipper: Oh, I “warned” them in advance. Told them you had a medical condition, and that you were really sensitive about it.

Bill: Good thinking. You’re so smart. And handsome. And sexy.

Dipper, grinning: Stahp!

Bill, grinning back: Nope. Never. Because I love you.

Dipper: Hehehe! I love you, too … Willy!

[akajustmerry]

love your thoughts on doctor who recently! what's your favourite doctor Outfit™ (s) and why?

omg thank u!! u have no idea how often I've thought about this exact topic so get ready for a ramble, anon.

so I believe the doctor's look has to do a few things. on the most obvious level it has to be practical, on another level it should have the flexibility to blend into various situations, also should be a reflection of the doctors personality, but also should reflect the doctors history as a character. this is a personal thing for me, but I also think the doctor is an authoritive person and so the outfit should also allude to that or at least be the kind of look people in a life or death scenario would be willing to take seriously.

I don't think the doctor is an easy character to dress for all these reasons and in the past I feel the production has gotten carried away with the gimmickry element of it rather than finding a balance (tom baker, Colin baker and peter davidson and mccoy while iconic looks are truly impractical on a lot of levels, especially accessory wise). then there are other doctors whose looks didn't really reflect them at all and felt like random things they'd picked out cos they couldn't be bothered to pick anything else (majority of capaldi's looks are like this and troughton's).

so my favourite looks tend to be the ones that strike the balance between practicality, gimmickry, personality, and authoritiveness. I deeply love the simplicity of ecclestons and how it reflected his soldier like stiffness after the time war like he was grieving. I LOVE ten's blue suit with the brown coat as the right balance of suave, personality and adaptability not to mention tennant looks so fkn handsome in it God. I deeply adore the playfulness of elevens purple three piece look which really captured his old young person complex (he also didn't look half bad in a waist coat). capaldi's dark coat with the red lining is classic sorta speaking to his guarded persona hiding a really fun personality. I loved pertwees velvet green with the ruffles which was somehow the most no nonsense nonsense look ever, which was basically three's mo. most of the time I love jodies because it's sorta confused yet approachable and practical like her though I'm interested to see how they'll evolve her look (she looks so hot without that weird coat on wow).

overall though it needs to be said that the doctor has a barely functioning understanding of fashion which is truly astounding considering their age and experience.

this kinda made me want to gif my fave looks maybe I will??? anyway what are YOUR faves??? xox

[daresplaining]

not sure if you have been asked this before but how would you rate the daredevil runs from miller to soule, and why?

    It has taken literally a thousand years to answer this, and I apologize– it’s just a huge question, even skipping all of the pre-Frank Miller runs (thank you for that, by the way– maybe I’ll rank them in a separate post, because I love a lot of the pre-Miller stuff!). Every reread brings with it new insight, and so my preferences are ever-evolving. That said, here’s how I would rank the main Daredevil runs from Miller onward (I’m not including annuals, mini-series, or novels, and I’m skipping the really tiny one-or-two-issue runs for the sake of brevity):

1. Mark Waid Daredevil volumes 3 and 4 are, for me, a perfect encapsulation of everything that makes Daredevil great. It’s all there! Smirking, swashbuckly Matt pulling off badass feats to save the day? Check! Dark, emotionally turbulent Matt trying to cope as the world falls apart around him? Check! An excellent supporting cast? Check! Fantastic hypersensory moments? Check! Great stories? Stunning art? Stilt-Man? Check! Everyone needs to read this run. It’s pretty much perfect.

2. Brian Michael Bendis I’ve learned that my Daredevil preferences tend to lean light(er…), but dang, Bendis writes a heck of a noir comic. He balances intense crime drama with striking character moments, changes the status quo over and over again (in a good way), and gives Matt some of the best zingers he’s ever had. (Seriously. Bendis’s Matt is really funny.) He also gave us Milla Donovan and Angela Del Toro, and for that I am eternally grateful. And whooo, that Alex Maleev/Matt Hollingsworth art… This is a classic, enduring run for a very good reason.  

3. Karl Kesel/Joe Kelly Okay, I’m cheating here. These are two separate runs. But they happened back-to-back, had the exact same tone, and were great for all of the same reasons, so I usually squash them together. If Karl Kesel and Joe Kelly have a problem with this, they can take it up with me (preferably in person– I have a lot of comics for them to sign.) These runs are fun. The Daredevil pendulum swings from light to dark and back again, and these guys landed on the upswing, after Matt had reconnected with his quippy, swashbuckly past. They feel old-fashioned, nostalgic in the best possible way, not afraid to be a little silly while still delivering solid, character-rooted stories. And it helps that the cast of characters is top-notch. Karen is around, trying to re-start her life while juggling humorous relationship issues with Matt. Foggy’s family drama is on full-force as Rosalind Sharpe and Candace come to town. Misty Knight stops by, as does Natasha Romanov. Kathy Malpher, one of my favorite minor DD characters ever, has lots of panel time. Deuce the Devil Dog is there. And it all ends with the breathtaking DD #375, which has got to be one of my top five favorite issues of all time. If you haven’t read these runs yet, go do that and thank me later.  

4. Frank Miller Darkness is only effective when interspersed with some light, and lightness is only effective when injected with some darkness, and Frank Miller (pre-”Born Again”) hit that perfect balance. It’s noir. It’s deep. It’s intense. It’s also some of the funniest Daredevil material ever written. Please go back and read “Guts”, or “Hunters”, or the Power Man and Iron Fist crossover. Let me say it louder, because I feel like I’m alone here: I love Frank Miller’s Daredevil because it is FREAKING HILARIOUS! And it goes without saying that “Born Again” is also stunning– definitely one of my favorite DD stories. And he gave us Stick and the peerless Elektra Natchios (three different versions of her, in fact) and the world has never been the same.

5. Denny O’Neil Denny O’Neil had the misfortune of getting sandwiched between Frank Miller’s two runs, and I feel like that’s the reason he doesn’t get the attention he deserves for some truly fantastic comics. Uh… weird comics, in a lot of cases, but heck, I like well-done weirdness. O’Neil added an international angle to the comic. He sent Matt to Japan and Italy (and even- gasp- New Jersey) and brought in Glori O’Breen, a great character even with her slightly over-the-top accent. He reconnected Matt with Natasha Romanov for a few beautiful one-shot team-ups. He killed off Heather Glenn in a horrible way, but did it with such grace and style that it didn’t feel entirely gratuitous. And he’s responsible for “The Price”– one of my favorite stand-alone issues. Plus, the fact that he was working with David Mazzucchelli didn’t hurt either.  

6. Ann Nocenti Superhero comics– superhero comics writing in particular– has been a white male-dominated profession for far too long, and there are far too few women who have written Daredevil. I hate to start a discussion of Nocenti’s run with “Look! A woman!” but it’s worth pointing out because look at this list. Seriously. (And for anyone unfamiliar with the pre-Miller runs, I assure you, it’s more of the same.) Ann Nocenti’s run is fantastic for the ways it really digs into the heart of the material. She took the post-“Born Again” landscape and ran with it. This was the period that tied Matt to Hell’s Kitchen, and Nocenti made that plot point stick by showing us the fabric of the neighborhood, bringing in characters like the Fat Boys, placing Matt and Karen within the community with the founding of Karen’s free clinic, and turning the Hell’s Kitchen of the Marvel universe into a living, breathing place. In contrast, she also took Matt out of the city, and in doing so, wrote some of my favorite Daredevil stories. She wasn’t afraid to address pressing social issues. She wasn’t afraid to tell stories that were just plain weird. And her run is utterly unique and complex as a result.

7. Ed Brubaker/D.G. Chichester Yeah, okay, this is really cheating. These are two completely different runs, but they are nevertheless tied because of the same factor: I adore some parts, and dislike other parts. “The Devil in Cell Block D” (the first arc of Brubaker’s run) is phenomenal. I re-read it a lot. So is “Last Rites” (by Chichester). Chichester wrote two of my favorite stand-alone issues: “34 Hours” (vol. 1 #304) and “Just One Good Story” (vol. 1 #380). Brubaker gifted us with the awesomeness that is Maki Matsumoto (A.K.A. Lady Bullseye), and Master Izo! Chichester gave us D.A. Kathy Malpher, one of my favorite DD characters ever (bring her back, Marvel! Where did she go?)! Also, his hypersensory writing is visceral verging on gross– which, for me, is ideal. However, Brubaker’s run went downhill a bit after the first arc. I mentioned the light/dark balance in regards to Frank Miller’s run, and Brubaker went all dark. (I consider it the darkest DD run yet.) It’s great storytelling, but not my style. And while I love his shorter arcs, Chichester’s longer work– “Fall From Grace” and “Tree of Knowledge” in particular– don’t do it for me. I find them overly convoluted and lacking substance. Also, while Scott McDaniel draws my favorite rendition of the radar sense, he’s my least favorite DD artist. D.G. Chichester + Lee Weeks 4ever.

8. David Mack I like “Vision Quest” a lot more than “Parts of a Hole”, though that’s somewhat due to the artist switch partway through the latter. “Parts of a Hole” did an excellent job of introducing Maya Lopez, and has a lot of great moments, but “Vision Quest” is practically a piece of fine art. It’s stunning, both narratively and visually. I consider it more of an Echo comic than a DD comic, but it still belongs on this list.  

9. Charles Soule I haven’t had a chance to reread this run in its entirety, since it just ended, and I really need to do so because I’m having a hard time figuring out my feelings on it. There are aspects of Soule’s characterization of Matt that I disagree with. The sensory writing varied in quality, and we clearly have different perceptions of the radar sense. There was a distinct shortage of female characters– and, in fact, of side characters in general. And the mind wipe was a huge misstep, since it erased so many of Matt’s long-held friendships. In a comic that has traditionally drawn much of its power from its strong supporting casts and Matt’s dynamics with them, that decision has caused serious lasting damage. However, there’s also a lot I loved. Sam Chung, though (I feel) underused, is a great character in his own right, and he also provided the chance for us to see Matt in a long-term mentorship role– something I’ve wanted for a while now. Muse was a fascinating and terrifying antagonist. And Soule’s perspective as an actual lawyer added extra zip to many of his stories, whether it was putting Matt in the mayor’s office (finally!) or sending him to the Supreme Court in what may be my favorite law-centered DD story ever. But the real reason Soule’s name is this far up this list is because of the “Double Vision” arc (or, as I call it, “Mike Murdock Must Die 2.0″) which is sheer brilliance, and to my mind, one of the greatest Daredevil stories ever told.

10. Bob Gale “Playing to the Camera” does not get nearly as much credit as it deserves for being a genuinely hilarious superhero law-based comedy of errors, and a bright spot amid the angst-fest that is Daredevil volume 2. My major complaints are that it’s too short and I dislike the art.

11. Andy Diggle I don’t dislike “Shadowland”. I don’t love it, but it’s a cool story concept that suffered– as events often do– from storytelling spread too thin, across too many characters, in too short a timespan. (Though I need to know if he came up with the “Matt Murdock dared evil… and lost” tagline, because if so, that wordplay would rocket him right to the top of this list.) I prefer the lead-up to “Shadowland” to the event itself. But I love DD: Reborn (yes, I said I wasn’t going to cover mini-series, but it’s essentially part of the main comic because it bridges the gap between two volumes. I say it counts). I’ve always enjoyed stories that take Matt out of NYC, and Reborn is a fun adventure story that gets back to basics and serves as a great bookend for volume 2.  

12. Scott Lobdell I like “Flying Blind”. It’s quirky and unusual (which I appreciate), and Matt is written very well. I just don’t love it. It’s one of those arcs that slides right to the back of the memory and only returns to the forefront when you’re reflecting on the first time Matt ever saw Foggy, or wondering if Matt’s bad French in Brubaker’s run is left over from his SHIELD-implanted fluency. It’s a neat idea, but could have been executed in a more engaging, lasting way.

13. Gregory Wright This short run went right out of my head the instant I finished it the first time, and upon rereading it has remained fairly unmemorable. The art is hit-and-miss, and the story– while perfectly fine– isn’t anything exciting or innovative. There are some great hypersensory moments, it’s worth reading, but I don’t have much to say about it beyond that.

14. Alan Smithee “Alan Smithee” is a pseudonym used in the entertainment industry by writers who don’t want to be associated with a certain project. The commentary on manwithoutfear.com states that this run was actually written by Chichester, who used the pen name as a way of protesting his abrupt firing from the comic. I treat it as a separate run, since that’s clearly what he wanted. I always tend to group the Wright and Smithee runs together in my mind because they take place one after the other, are both very short (only 5 issues each), and are very similar in both tone and quality. I like the art in Smithee’s run more, and the writing is solid. However, the whole thing is colored for me by the horrific and unnecessary death of Glorianna O’Breen, a character I love. I’m perfectly fine with characters dying if their deaths are well-written and impactful (heck, I’ll be honest– I love a good death), but Glori’s demise just seems gratuitous, and is therefore not appealing to me.

15. J.M. DeMatteis This run is super weird, but not in an interesting way. It leans toward the religious, which is not my thing, and it relies on the dead sex worker storyline from Man Without Fear, which is really not my thing and should have stayed out of the main continuity. It’s good to read, because it’s a major shift in Matt’s life and sets up the fabulous Kesel/Kelly runs, but… eh. That said, Matt battling his different identities in a graveyard while getting heckled by Stick, and yellow suit DD running around creating mayhem, are 100% my things… so credit where’s it’s due.  

16. Kevin Smith You may have noticed that “Guardian Devil”, the first arc of Daredevil volume 2, the run that rescued the series after its cancellation and brought Matt Murdock to the forefront of the Marvel street-level universe once more…! …is rarely ever mentioned on this blog. That’s because I really don’t like it. At all. I’m grateful to Smith for bringing readers back to DD, but would be happy if he never wrote these characters again. His run is poorly paced, out-of-character, and covers themes/topics/etc. that I personally don’t enjoy. I forced myself through it because I’m a Daredevil completist, but I haven’t read it again. I probably will someday, just to make sure I remember all of the key plot points, but… not yet.  

[internetremix]

I was wondering... Do you any of you have tips for a rookie GM? I'm setting up a game night here soon and I'm stressing the heck out over it.

Alex: No matter what game system you play it's usually quite intimidating because there are like 600 pages of information to digest. At any given time you need to have memorized only, like, thirty. At the end of the day most tabletop games are just two things - math and improv. Admittedly things that, outside of tabletop games, people go out of their way to avoid, but still.

Stress can lead people to get things done fast but also get things done sloppy. You don't need to plan out every single detail of what the characters might encounter eventually in a session. You can flesh out a couple of interesting people, places, or things you want them to see and just keep a scratch card of notes and traits for if/when they go off the beaten path. Remember, no matter what you plan, there is no accounting for the actions of players, and rolling with them provides a far better experience than slamming your fist down and saying "NO" to every deviation.

And above all else, remember that tabletop games are a collaborative effort. People come together to play games, tell stories, and shoot the shit. If shooting the shit overtakes the game you can rein that in a little but at the end of the day everyone's there voluntarily to have fun, and no one is there to see anyone fail.So to recap -

1. You are the arbiter of rules no matter what the book says. You can double-check later and take notes for future games if it becomes an issue but generally you only need to have in mind rules that are actively going to be used in game. If you don't know the exact way to handle something just make up what the closest action would be and if the player rolls what you think is well enough to do it, they did it.

2. If you don't have time to take notes on every single thing the players might encounter, congratulations, you're an average person. You only need a few based on the following factors - what do you want the players to do, how do you think they're going to do it, and do you have something prepared for when they go off the beaten path.

3. Have fun! Seriously, it's called a tabletop GAME, not a tabletop dictatorship.

Kristen: All of my games are Tabletop Dictatorships, all of them. Unfortunately I'm a terrible, weak-willed dictator so this helps nothing.

Alex: Discord Murder Party is different. Mafia/Werewolf operates way differently than D&D and needs a GM SPECIFICALLY so that players don't go off the rails.

Kristen: You are 100% correct.

God my first tabletop I ever DMed for I made my own thing and wrote like... twenty pages for my first session. And then as soon as I started, my players were like HEY I WANNA EXPLORE THE SHOPS

"O-oh.... y-yeah, here's uh... heeeere's a list of shops..."

So then I had to improv like... five shops and make multiple NPCs on the fly and then I found out "it turns out writing an entire paragraph for every NPC is an awful idea because you can't fucking read those notes mid-session"

So my point is don't do that.

Juno: Oh yeah. Last night I had to make up a guy named Lucas on the spot because JoJo's character wanted to convince a guy not to kill them

Kristen: YEP I ran the generic 5e DnD starter for a group of friends and somehow it went from a generic "you all hunt down and kill a bunch of goblins and a bugbear in a cave, way to go" to "You spared a Goblin who has a ridiculous Brooklyn accent who hates his job and now you're starting a ridiculous worker's revolution and this has ended with you all enlisting every other goblin you were supposed to fight into swarming the bugbear boss. Okay."

Juno: I mean. That's a pretty bomb plot twist if you ask me.

Kristen: Oh yes, I enjoyed it immensely. Also really in the context of a DnD game I'm pretty sure that shouldn't be doable cause I don't think any of them were supposed to be able to speak common. If your players are setting themselves up for a more interesting story and you have to bend the rules a bit to make it happen, go for it. One of the most important things for GMing is making your players feel like they have agency- as Alex said, it's collaborative, it's not just you telling your players a story.

Another thing to keep in mind is what sort of players you have. I usually prefer to play with people who are more into the RP/story aspect, but some people are gonna be more into them fighty fights and mechanics and such. Which is fine and can work, it's just a matter of striking a balance in your game.  I usually try to tailor things in such a way that everyone's getting a chance to get what they want out of a game and their shot at the spotlight, in whatever manner that takes. For me it's helped to ask my players directly "hey, what do you want out of this game? Do you have any ideas or anything you're really into?"

Mostly what I'm saying is just try to keep in mind what your players are in this for, since that contributes a lot to how much fun you all have.

Atwas: Something that's helped me a lot is to not stress out or stop the game entirely to double check rules. It sort of kills momentum. In my experience, ruling a situation and then looking something up later is a lot less stressful than the pressure of putting something completely on pause while you flip through a book/google something.

If you're doing stuff in real life, I would recommend making a little cheat sheet of your PC's information. My DM screen has sticky notes with each party characters HP, AC, Passive Perception, and Spell Save DC to keep things streamlined.

Kristen: Oooo smurt

Alex: Hell yeah dude. Also there are custom DM screens you can get tailor-made to give you quick rules references. Fairly cheap on Amazon.

Atwas: Also your players don't know if you're winging stuff unless you tell them. ;^)

Also also don't be scared of bumping monster hp up or down depending on a fight or having monsters run away or call in reinforcements. If you go off script in an encounter--surprise! Nobody knows but you. I did that quite a bit when I was starting out because balancing encounters is a bit of an art and CR is a loose guideline at best.

Also also also the point of the game isn't to win. Don't fall into the trap of "beating your players" or stuff like that. Imo that kind of messes with the table dynamics unless 100% of everyone is on board with that type of game.

Kristen: Yeah, don't fall into that and also be careful not to go into the mindset of "punishing" your players if they do something dumb. Like if it's a silly "you did this thing and consequences have gone WILDLY outside of what you expect wheee", awesome, but I've had DMs who basically would act like if you didn't somehow read their minds and find their exact solution, welp you made a dumb choice and now everyone is penalized for it. Made for a pretty toxic atmosphere, do not recommend. Kind goes hand in hand with "don't be a tabletop dictator".

Atwas: oh gods i could go on and on about how punishing someone in game never works for out of game behaviour but i digress. also please don't feel afraid to talk to your players, even if having adult conversations is difficult.

Juno: Cause and effect is the biggest thing to think about I think, especially in a DMing situation.

Alex: For instance, siccing a Revenant on the party? Thavagath made a bad decision in character, that's the natural consequence, he gets a chance to save his ass. Someone makes a dick joke about your carefully crafted NPC? Don't be a dick right back.

Atwas: sweats, trying to think back to the last time a dick joke was made in Fallen Empires

Alex: Like I think the last major one was Phill pulling a muscle stretching so hard to make a joke for five minutes about the "Male Room" rather than the "Mail Room"

But then we - wait for it - ACTUALLY DISCUSSED THE ISSUE OUT OF GAME and stuff like that doesn't pop up any more.

Atwas: WHAT? SPEAKING LIKE REASONABLE ADULTS?!?! IN MY TABLETOP?!?!?! it's really useful. please have those conversations, even if they're uncomfortable. and if something is becoming an issue, bring it up sooner rather than later--turns out that people can't change stuff if they don't know about it! Most people want to stay friends after a campaign after all.

Jojo: Have your story planned, npcs, and what you want an end goal to be. Make sure it's all planned out BEFORE asking people to join it. And if you need a second DM to help you with Dice or story, then that's ok too! I'm still a beginner DM myself, so that's the best advice I can give

These guys are pros, so listen to them

Phill: Heheh... male room

Alex: Phill no you'll pull your hamstring again

Phill:

Atwas: what do you think is Phill's average Henderson rating?

Alex: Phill has at least One Henderson in him, he destroyed Underdark to the point of we can't go back to it ever now.

Phill: I mean. Yeah. Honestly, I could've very easily seen phresh reach a 1.75 hendersons eventually.

Atwas: I'd say 1.75 works. 2 is still out of reach, but one day...

Xander: Underdark is cursed content and deserved better

Atwas: How many of he players had that as their first campaign? 3/5?

Xander: I believe so

Alex: Uprising and I had played before, I don't think Jojo, Dawn, or Phill had.

Xander: I'm probably gonna reboot Underdark one day. Wipe the slate clean. Probably not gonna be done on IR

Alex: We did it! We reached two Hendersons!

Xander: Two full Hendersons.

Phill: time unveil my new original character. Blesh

Alex: Blerish

Xander: More like Blemish

[minimalcontextfanfictheatre]

RvB post season 16 AU snippet - Part 3

That night Tucker can’t sleep, his mind stuck thinking in endless circles about time travel, paradoxes, and his sword.

It made sense, in the ways this sort of thing made sense. Since in the universe as they knew it Wash had been shot, they *couldn’t* save Wash because they *hadn’t* saved Wash, because if Wash had never been shot then none of them would have had a reason to go back into time to try to stop it, so they wouldn’t stop it, which meant Wash *would* get shot, which meant-

Tucker closes his eyes as tightly as he can against his growing headache, which is dumb thing to do because it only ever makes them worse, and breathes slowly through his nose.

-which meant they’d created a paradox. That had to be it, right? The fact that they DID save Wash had broken the laws of time or reality or causality or some shit like that. But time hadn’t ended, it had fucking reset, and it had reset to some random-ass point after he’d been stationed at Blood Gulch. Specifically, the week between Captain Flower’s death and Caboose’s arrival. But here’s the thing: Captain Flowers had died because Church had gone back in time to save him, but what Church did to try to save Flowers turned out to be what killed him in the first place. So in the future of *this* reality Church has already travelled back through time, yeah? Which means that everything that happened last time which put Church in a position to meet Gamma must already still happen- still *have* happened- at least up until that event. Because Church can’t time-travel when he has a living body, he has to become a “ghost” and get a robot body first, which only happens because Caboose shoots him with Sheila, which *also* was only able to happened  because Church tried to time-travel to stop Caboose from doing that, and just like with Flowers’ death, what Church did turned out to be the very thing that got himself killed. And here’s the next thing: What if Tucker stops Caboose from blowing up Church? Would that create another paradox and reset things again? Because the only reason Church will be able to travel through time in the future is because of his current body’s death in the present. And, fucking AND, the only reason Caboose is even in Blood Gulch is because Flowers had died, which ALSO only happened because Church will be able to travel through time in the future because of his death in the present. ...Right? So if he saves Church’s current body from getting killed, that will trip another paradox, only this time Tucker won’t remember anything, because in this reality he doesn’t have the sword yet, and since the sword was apparently the reason he was able to remember all the alternate futures when Wyoming had been looping them, he’s pretty fucking sure his possession of it at the time of the paradox is the only reason he’s able to remember the events of *that* now-alternate future. It’s as if the last- okay, goddammit, the NEXT eight years were one big time loop. And Tucker knows what happens, more or less. He can fix things, stop some of the worst shit that happened from happening...just as long as he’s careful to not fuck around too much until after they pass the far end of the events involved in Church’s little closed loop time-travel bullshit. Unless Flowers’ death in this reality being at the exact same time as in the original reality was just a coincidence, and isn’t a sign that Church has, or will, die later this week and travel through time three months from now. Maybe the entire future is open. Maybe Tucker can do ANYTHING and not have to worry about his choices destroying the world again. Maybe- Tucker’s headache has gotten to the point where he can’t ignore it anymore. With a groan, he gets up, turns on the light, and pads down the hall to the infirmary to get some Aspirin. The bottle is empty.

* * * * *

The rest of the night is spent trying to Figure Shit Out. It’s hard keeping everything straight, though, so Tucker snags an air-strike requisition form and writes down a list of Important Things To Do on the back of it:

1. Have Junior. It’s not that his kid is more important than his friends, or that he’s putting the “miracle of having a child” above all else or some bullshit like that- it’s that when you get down to it, Junior’s probably the biggest reason the Sangheili splinter factions haven’t continued the war against humanity. Junior’s pretty much a deity to all Sangheili, so even the ones who’d just as soon eat a dude’s face off as give him the time of day respect the treaties their peoples have signed. So Junior’s pretty fucking important. Also, pretty fucking awesome.

2. Protect Church. From himself, when necessary.

3. Keep Wash from getting shot. Obviously the incident at Desert Gulch is the most important one, but Wash was also shot, like, seventeen previous times or something ridiculous like that. So Tucker’s going to do his best to help Wash dodge bullets unless the fate of all time, reality, etc. itself hangs in the balance. (But preferably avoiding that situation altogether, too.) 4. Stop (Prevent?) war on Chorus. Look, he’s just writing these down in the order that he thinks of them, okay? Sure, saving countless lives on Chorus ought to go before saving one or two guys, but Tucker knows how to save those one or two guys. Or at least, he has some pretty good ideas about what will keep Church and Wash safe. But a whole planet? Tucker doesn’t even know what officially started the war. Was Hargrove involved in it from the beginning, or had he simply exploited an existing situation? When were Felix and Locus sent in? Speaking of which... 5. Kill Felix. Seriously. Fuck that guy.

6. [scratched out] Locus. ?? Locus had saved their lives twice over; saved Wash’s life three times. He regretted what he’d done on Chorus enough to dedicate his life to atoning for it- or so he said. Tucker had only spent a few months with Felix; he can’t fathom what it must have been like to be partnered with that manipulative asshole for years. And Locus hasn’t killed anyone on Chorus yet...so Tucker’s willing to give him a chance to prove he deserves more than Felix does. (Because seriously? FUCK THAT GUY.) 7. Stop Temple. Carolina hadn’t told him much about the Murder Basement she and Wash had been trapped in, but what she’d said- and how she’d said it- had been more than enough. “They were our friends. Our teammates. And he left each of them to an agonizing death in a room full of rotting corpses, knowing full well they were going to suffer the same fate.” It had made Tucker regret not killing him. But he supposes if he can get Temple’s ass locked up before he has a chance to start his murder spree, that will do. 

Tucker is still totally going to shoot Felix in the head, though. 8. Get Kai to [scratched out] [scratched out][scratched out][scratched out] really^ like me. Shut up. Anyway. It felt like he was forgetting some things. Uh…OH! His- 9. Sword! Which, come to think of it, he needs in order to have Junior; it’s what marked him for that goddamn prophecy in the first place. Fuck it, he should find a way to get the key to Chorus as well. If Tucker activates Santa, he may be able to use *him* to keep the planet from going to war. 10. Steal Epsilon. Church needed to know the truth about himself. Which was going to be one fun fucking picnic. Ugh. 11. Locate the Director, tell Carolina where he is. And let that shit sort itself out again. 12. Tex & Omega / OmAli  So much had happened because of those two that Tucker isn’t sure if he wants to help Tex get rid of Omega without dying first or just feed them both to the OH FUCK- 13. The Meta! Yeah, that was a pretty big one. Probably shouldn’t be so far down on the list. Technically, dealing with The Meta was already part of points 1 and 2, since The Meta was one of the things that Tucker wanted to keep Church safe from and also one of the people who had shot Wash. Taking The Meta out would simplify a lot of shit; too bad Tucker has no clue how to do that. At least, not by himself. ...Not that he has to do it by himself. Hmm… 14. Everyone else. Which is to say, the rest of the Reds and Blues. Tucker’s not sure what he even means with this one. It encompasses a fuck of a lot, and most of it probably couldn’t be put into words anyway. The one thing that he can say for certain is that he wants them all to survive this. They deserve it, after everything they’ve been through- and everything they’re about to go through AGAIN. So...the sword’s gotta be first, right? The sword will make everything easier, and in some cases, is necessary for them to even be possible. But should he wait for the events that led to him getting the sword the first time, or go AWOL and retrieve it now? Jesus, what even WERE the events that led to him finding it? Tex was being a bitch, and he’d fallen into a hole, but they’d only been at that place because Omega had possessed Doc after being kicked out of Caboose’s head. Which he was only inside of in the first place ‘cause Tex had died. Which...shit, how had that happened again? Oh, right, Donut throw a grenade at her, after she’d thrown a grenade at *him* while trying to get the flag back from the Reds, because Omega preferred violence over stealth. Tucker tries not to think about the fact he’s the one who signed off on bringing in a Freelancer and giving Tex that mission in the first place. Yeah, so maybe helping Tex out with Omega from the start is the best way to go. If they can take Omega out of the equation, it’ll make a lot of their would-be future problems go away. ...Won’t it? [July 30, 2018]

[dreamscript]

bts yoongi - 31

31: for the 31 days in a month

Futureverse au. Triggerwarnings apply.

//

The first day of theDragon’s moon, the room next to yours is finally inhabited by a boy. He lookslonely sitting on the edge of his bed, swinging his feet back and forth, backand forth, so you take the liberty of inviting him over to the other side ofthe glass wall: your room.

In truth, it’s theexact same as his room, but at least in here he won’t have to put up with thesmell of stale air and stale furniture because the place next to yours has beenempty ever since your own Birthing. He looks around the place as if it’ssomewhere worth exploring, all with the curious air of a person who’s just comeinto the world. Birthed. He introduces himself, says his name, andnothing else.

“What’s your class?”you ask. Some people are given a class. You’re not sure yet what exactly thatmeans, but all a class seems to do is provide a word to describe people whoshare common traits. Laborers are tall and muscular, Sweepers have large handsand feet and strong backs. But for the most part, everyone looks the same.

“I don’t know,” heanswers honestly.

“It’s okay,” yousay. “I don’t know mine either.” You’ve been trying to figure it out for awhile now, to find another name you can tag yourself under. “Sometimes you cantell someone by their class just by looking at them. You do know what aclass is, right?”

“Not really,” hereplies. “I guess they didn’t bother to program that knowledge into me. Butyou’ll tell me, right?”

“It’s nothing youcan’t figure out yourself, but okay.” So you tell him what you know aboutclasses, all while studying him up and down. The boy is a mystery, really. He’sdefinitely not the traditional artificial human like you are, nor does he seemto be part of a specialized class like Laborers. It’s only as the monthprogresses do you realize that, in a vast landscape of similarly-engineeredartificial humans such as yourself, Min Yoongi strikes a stark contrast.

First of all, hisappearance is different. Pale hair, pale skin, thin legs. His overall build issmall and compact.

“Are you sure youcan reach it? Cupboard 4B is kind of high,” you say, looking at him. “Ican get someone else to open it for us, you know.” It’s his third day at theCenter, and ever since he introduced himself in your room, the two of you havebeen inseparable. Right now you’re teaching him the ropes, guiding him throughthe daily Cleaning.

“I won’t know unlessI try,” he insists, and stretches upwards on his tiptoes to reach the cupboard.His fingertips just barely graze the handle as he struggles, groaning. Youstifle a giggle behind your hand. Finally, he gives up and sighs.

And then he does theunexpected: clambering on top of the counter. Balancing carefully on hisfeet, you watch as he teeters precariously close to the edge and daintily pullsthe cupboard open. He turns to you, a triumphant look on his face, and tossesthe needed cleaning wipes down at you.

“Wow,” you manage,unable to say anything else. You’re lost for words. “Wow.”

Secondly, his dietis different. You’re pretty sure that the Caretakers specifically make a meal justfor him, and then deliver right to his spot across from you.

“Pineapples?”you look at his plate, almost in disbelief. “You get pineapples? And avocado?”Absolute luxuries. The last time you’ve seen so much foreign produce on a platewas - well, never. His food looks vastly different from your bland mixture ofbeans and rice; it’s full of color, looking fresh and definitely not reheatedfrom the Slop.

“Yeah,” he says,spearing an avocado slice. “Caretakers say I have to maintain a clean diet fora healthy body. My health is supposed to be my number-one priority,apparently.” He catches you staring at his avocado and holds his fork up toyou. “Want one?”

“Hell yes.”

Thirdly, his dailyroutine is different. Every day, instead of participating in Learning, Yoongiis whisked away to the Clinic. As far as you know, no one’s ever been able toskip out on Learning. You’re immensely jealous, because you’re sick of learningall about finance and etiquette and how to create an effective workout routinefor others. Going to the Clinic and getting a sticker to put on your calendarsounds a lot more fun.

//

Normally he comesback from the Clinic around the same time that you’re finished with theLearning, which works out so the two of you can eat dinner together. But today,you waited and waited and waited for him to get back, until theCaretakers dragged you to go get dinner. And then you finished and gotback, and he still isn’t here.

He’s taking forever. You tap your fingers on your desk, staring out at the emptyroom next to yours. Yoongi’s. You sigh.

Maybe, you think, aquick visit to the Clinic wouldn’t be so bad. You could probably feign somesort of stomach ache or whatever, and somewhere along the way see if Yoongi’sokay. You’re seriously worried with how long he’s taking; the last time someonetook this long at the Clinic, they never returned. And you can’t bear thethought of not seeing Yoongi again without at least saying goodbye.

And so, you hop offyour bed, feet padding quietly to your door, body hunched and eyes alert.

//

Sneaking in andaround the Clinic is easy, almost too easy. In fact, it was so easy thatit has actually become a problem: you may have snuck in too far. Youflatten yourself against the wall and take a quick peek around the corner.Yeah–you’re probably a bit too deep. Turning back now would be a waste; youstill haven’t seen Yoongi, and you’ve certainly never seen this part ofthe Center.

You’re just about toround the corner and bolt down the hall when you hear a door sliding open, thensliding shut. At least two people come out of the room, conversing.

“–says he can’twait to get this new project launched, and honestly speaking, I can’t either,”one man says.

“Yeah,” a womanagrees. “How much longer do you think it’ll take? From what I could tell, thespecimen looks pretty healthy. And ripe for the harvesting, or so they say.”She giggles a little. The man guffaws.

“Oh, give it acouple weeks’ time. Organs still need to acclimate, you see. But look, did yousee the paper today?” There’s the crinkle of paper. “It’s all over the newsnow, you know! And we haven’t even started yet! Imagine how big this wholefranchise is going to be once we get the ball rolling.”

“Well, as soon as weget a successful transplant, that is,” the woman seems to remind him. “Butyeah, no, I saw it. All the headlines this morning were going off about theHarvest humans.”

“Mhm,” the man says.There’s the sound of paper being crumpled up and tossed. “Was looking forsomewhere to throw that away.” He pauses. “Oh, looks like they need me inthere; the lights are flashing. Probably to check in on the specimenagain–we’re still doing the mid-cycle checkups and everything–but thanks forstopping by today. Sorry we kept you so late.”

“Oh no, it’s noproblem!” The woman begins to take steps toward you and you tense up, ready tomake a run for it.

“Oh, you know youcan leave out there right? That exit’s a lot closer,” the man says. You slowly,slowly, let out a breath.

“Why thank you!” Andthen she walks in the opposite direction, steps fading away. The doors slideopen, slide shut, and you presume the man is gone. Your breathing goes back tonormal, but your heart is still pounding, mind is still whirling. New project?Organs? Harvest humans?

You hear noisescoming from behind you. And suddenly, you’re reminded of why you’re here again;you’re here for Yoongi, not for all this… random, whatever theywere talking about. Checking over the corner one last time to make sure thehall is empty, you turn into the corridor and stealthily run down its length,eyes searching for any sign of Yoongi.

Still, when you passby the trash can, you can’t help but peek inside and, on a whim, grab the crumplednewspaper ball.

//

You never do end upfinding him, but after a fitful night of rest, you’re pleased to discover thatYoongi’s in his room by the next morning.

“Where’d you go?What happened to you? I thought you weren’t going to… come back, or something.”You drop your head down for a second, then quickly look up at him. “Are youokay? Did something go wrong?”

Yoongi blinks atyou, then cracks a slight smile. “Wrong? No, everything went absolutely right.Or at least, that’s what I was told.”

Confused, you cockyour head to the side. “What?”

He shrugs. “Thetests. They took awhile, which was why I’ve been out. Wasn’t awake for half ofthem, but when I got out, Doctors gave me my usual sticker and said I was doingfine. Whatever that means.”

“Oh,” you say. “Oh.Well, that’s good at least!” You pause, bite your bottom lip. “You just had meso, worried, you know. I actually, uh–” you pause, look around your room,then, in a low whisper, “–snuck into the Clinic last night to check on you.”

Yoongi stops swinginghis feet–a habit that he seems to do whenever he’s bored–and stares at you indisbelief, eyes wide. “You what? Did you really? Did you get caught? Didyou see me?”

You shake your head.“Nothing really happened…” You let your words trail off.

“Nothing?” Yoongiasks.”

“Nothing, except this.”With an extra flourish, you reach underneath your standard-issue pillow andpull out the crinkled newspaper. “One of the Doctors threw it away and I nabbedit from the trashcan while I was at it. Thought it’d make interesting readingmaterial, considering you hardly attend Learning.”

Enchanted, Yoongiruns his fingers over the wrinkled surface. “This… this is from the outsideworld. That’s forbidden, isn’t it?”

You nod, give a slysmile. “Yeah. Cool, isn’t it? We can read it together! I haven’t looked at ityet. Apparently it’s about something really popular that they’re developing inthe labs right now, or something.”

“‘The complicationsof organ transplants will become yesterday’s problem with the advent of Harvesthumans,’” Yoongi says, reading the title aloud. “Interesting.”

//

“Harvest humans arethe newest type of artificial human. While still currently in development,researchers believe that given their current successes with this particularspecimen, they will be able to effectively “grow” organs, which in turn can be“harvested” with only a mere 30 days of development. This new supply of humanorgans will bolster the current supply and make it much easier

//

“Hey, you know, themoon of the Snake will be starting soon, and they’re holding a small festivalfor it in town.” You kick at a stone and Yoongi gives a nod of his head. Youlook around, suck in a breath and whisper close to his ear, “Wanna sneak outwith some others and hang out tomorrow?” You step back and await his answer,giddy. You’ve been planning this for weeks now, your first expedition tothe outside. With Yoongi, nonetheless. You’ve heard so many storiesabout the world that lies beyond the Center from some of the older, moreadventurous people around you, and can’t wait to experience all the wonder andbeauty with Yoongi.

“Tomorrow?” Heblinks, looking almost lost. “I don’t have a tomorrow.”

“What?” You turn andlook at him, feeling shocked, disturbed. “What do you mean you don’t have atomorrow? Are you moving away or something? Are you being Graduated?” You feelyour stomach sinking.

“I guess, yeah.”Yoongi pokes at the ground with a stick. “People tell me I’ll be going to abetter place, but all I can think of is how I’ll be leaving here. I’m going tomiss this place.” And then, quieter, “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss youmore,” you say, and then cut yourself off from blubbering out yourfeelings. You feel tears pricking at the edges of your eyes. “Wait, stop, butwhat do you mean a better place? Where are you going? W-What’s goingon?”

“I don’t really knoweither,” Yoongi confesses. “All I know is that the first thing they told meafter my Birthing was that my days were numbered. Starting from 31. I thoughtthat everyone else was the same so I didn’t mention it… But I guess not.”

You’re suddenly hitwith flashbacks of the Doctors in their white coats and their hushedconversations. The frequent clinic visits Yoongi had to attend and the way theCaretakers always made him special meals. The discarded newspaper clipping.Signs, so many signs, the small things you overlooked now becoming astronomicaland pointing straight at a single explanation you absolutely cannot bear.

“Yoongi, you’re–”you can’t bring yourself to say it, because then you’d be acknowledging thetruth and admitting that it’s real. “You’re–” You feel a bit of bile rising tothe back of your throat because the very thought of what’s going tohappen to him makes you feel disgusted.

“I’m?” He looks soinnocent, just staring at you like that, expectant. As if what you’re trying totell him isn’t going to turn his world upside down and show him just howapathetic and ugly the world really is. “What is it? What am I?” Now he looksdesperate, pleading for an answer, an identity that extends beyond his barepurpose.

“You’re a Harvesthuman.” You choke the words out, hating every syllable, hating that you’resaying them to him, to Yoongi, the clueless boy who deserves morethan 31 days to live. “You know what those are, right? We read about them inthat newspaper. And I heard the Doctors talking about them.” About you.

He sighs and looksas tired as ever, as if he was expecting a truth like this all along. “So I wasmade with the sole purpose of giving my organs to others, huh? I’d suspectedsomething of the sort from the beginning, but I was scared. I didn’t want it tobe true. But after reading that news article… It really got me thinking. Thisonly confirmed it. I’m sorry.” He looks at you forlornly and apologetically,and all you can do is stare and try not to look so hurt. He turns away. “Still,it’s a pretty altruistic way to die, if you ask me. I mea–”

“But Yoongi–”

“I know,” he says,running a hand through his hair. He drops the stick. “It’s cruel, really, togive me a taste of life for but a month. Raising us all like animals, deciding ourfates and purpose for us. But there’s not much else that I can do at thispoint, is there?”

“Wh–but–you can’tjust give up!” you splutter, head spinning. All of this is too much,coming at you too fast. “You’re just going to let them do this to you? Treatingyou like a tool?”

He looks away andsettles down onto the dirt. “You know, I used to think a lot about us.Artificial humans. What our purpose is. I mean, why have the artificial stuffwhen you can make the real thing, you know?

“From the moment ofour Conceiving until our Releasing, we are made to serve. Our fates anddestinies are predetermined, whether it be a Servant, Sweeper, or whatever.Harvest humans, I guess people will think of me and think I got the short endof the stick. I mean, think about it. We only get a month’s time to live,understand life, as our bodies acclimate to the environment and the Doctorsprepare us for Harvesting.

“Still, I’d donesome thinking, about the pros and cons of each type. And, well, Harvest typesaren’t so bad, I guess. I mean, in a sense we keep on living, keep on giving.My organs will provide life to another soul in need, who will in turn give lifeto others. I become so much more. Do you see what I’m saying? I’m not dead; I’msimply continuing life through others. I keep on living. My lifespanextends far beyond the 31 days I was given.”

“No, no,” you say.“No, you can’t… You can’t…” Yoongi is leaving. Yoongi is going to be gone forever.You’ve had a life without him before, but now that you’ve experienced what it’slike to have someone this close to heart, it’s nearly impossible to imaginelife without Yoongi. The days would be bland, life meaningless.

“Yoongi,” you sob.“Please… don’t….”

“I’m sorry. I can’tcontrol it. You know it, I know it.” Yoongi gives a sad smile. “I love you. AndI’ll miss you.”

drabble game: numbers | closed

[filmstruck]

Gaze Deeply into THE EVIL EYE (‘63) –  If You Dare! by Nathaniel Thompson

Well, it's the day after Halloween. This year's great monster mash is over, and hopefully you've gotten to see at least a few scary movies to enhance the mood. But now what? How can you keep that chilly spirit going? Here's a suggestion: watch an Italian thriller.

Chances are if you’ve ever chatted with someone who’s into European horror films (or better yet, if you’re a fan yourself!), the word giallo has popped up at some point. A subgenre of Italian horror and mystery films, it literally means “yellow,” so named for the covers of paperback thrillers that were all the rage for decades. The term has since become a cult term indicating a film containing things like black-gloved killers, possible supernatural elements, striking and often insidiously catchy soundtracks, dollops of eroticism and of course, insane plot twists. Many directors offered significant contributions to the giallo over the years, most notably Dario Argento, Lucio Fulci, Sergio Martino and Umberto Lenzi, while American films like KLUTE (‘71), CRUISING (‘80), BASIC INSTINCT (‘92) and RAISING CAIN (‘92) all borrow heavily from the giallo playbook.

However, if you want to see how it all started, look no further than Mario Bava, a director who’s been getting some much-needed love around FilmStruck lately. For decades American critics snootily proclaimed that he was a one-shot wonder who never topped his auspicious debut, BLACK SUNDAY (‘60), but that’s been discredited many times over since around 1999 or so as we’ve gotten to see pristine, uncut versions of his films pouring onto these shores and solidifying his reputation as a world-class filmmaker regardless of genre. So here we have THE EVIL EYE (‘63), which is ground zero for the feature-length giallo and a testing ground for visual ideas Bava would further explore in his later gialli, all of them highly recommended: BLOOD AND BLACK LACE (‘64), FIVE DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON (‘70), HATCHET FOR THE HONEYMOON (‘70) and A BAY OF BLOOD (‘71), plus one segment of his classic anthology, BLACK SABBATH (‘63). Seriously, check ‘em all out. You won’t regret it.

Nobody – and I mean nobody – could light a scene quite like Bava (a cinematographer in his own right) or move a camera in quite the same way. For proof in this film, look no further than the scene early on in which starry-eyed American tourist and whodunit aficionado Nora Davis (Leticia Roman) finds her first night in Rome turned upside down when her ailing aunt expires. Troubled by this discovery, Nora runs into the street in a panic only to be mugged and knocked unconscious. When she wake up dazed and confused, she witnesses a murder. It’s all shot in disorienting, beautifully exaggerated angles and moody lighting that put you squarely in Nora’s shoes as her delirium escalates to a fever pitch, leaving us unsure quite what we’ve seen and what it all means. From there the film manages to balance red herrings, genuine thrills and romantic banter as Nora teams up with a friendly doctor (John Saxon) to uncover a mystery tied to the strange Alphabet Murders plaguing the Roman street (with no direct relationship to Agatha Christie’s book of the same name).

It’s worth pointing out that the exact meaning of what Nora does see on her first night varies depending on which version of this film you see. Personally, I’m really partial to the one you can see here, a longer edition prepared for American distribution via legendary drive-in company American International Pictures (who also released several other Bava films). AIP was fond of lining Bava’s films with American-friendly scores by easy listening legend Les Baxter, and this one was no exception; however, this cut also adds quite a bit of footage you won’t see in the Italian-language version (called La ragazza che sapevva troppo, or The Girl Who Knew Too Much), including a goofy little cameo by Bava himself (as a leering portrait on a wall!), a nifty opening sequence with Nora reading a mystery novel on a plane and a hilariously perverse closing sequence, not to mention some nice little travelogue bits showing off ‘60s Rome in all its glory. The Italian version is much more serious and streamlined, plus it introduces a plot element involving a packet of marijuana cigarettes that explains part of Nora’s wild first night out on the town.

At this point it’s probably worth explaining that the vast majority of Italian films from the ‘60s onward were at least partially shot in English, often without live sound recorded on set and the soundtracks created later by either the original voice actors or dubbing voice artists. This film is a good example of how that process worked, with Saxon and Roman obviously delivering their lines in English (with their natural voices intact) while other supporting characters had to be dubbed to cover up their thick, often impenetrable accents. This wasn’t something limited to Italian genre films, either; many films by Federico Fellini, Luchino Visconti and Bernardo Bertolucci were shot with their stars speaking in English, even if the Italian-dubbed version with English subtitles was what audiences in America, Great Britain and so on ended up seeing on the big screen. Don’t believe me? Take a look at films like SATYRICON (‘69), FELLINI’S CASANOVA (‘76) or THE LEOPARD (‘63), whose stars clearly spoke English on camera. Now, whether the Italian and English track is more professionally mixed and effective overall is very much up for debate, but it’s fun to compare how a familiar actor like Burt Lancaster fares when he’s using his real voice instead of tracked with an Italian dubber. What that boils down to here is that I love the English track for THE EVIL EYE, and while it’s fun to watch the Italian version (which also features a killer theme song called “Furore”), it’s the one you’ll find here that I keep going back to the most. It’s not only a creative and visually inventive love letter to the popular pulp thrillers but a highly influential, innovative chapter in the evolution of Italian filmmaking whose full impact took decades to be fully realized. If you’re new to this whole giallo thing, or new to the colorful, phantasmagoric world of Mario Bava, here’s a perfect place to start; just be sure to keep going. You have no idea what kind of wonders await you.

[fightersagainstnarccistic]

Scrutinizing Valkyrie’s Bullshido

Let’s first talk about Randy Packer, who is the founder of Valkyrie and creator of their training curriculum, which is basically like the Scientology version of HEMA. 

Randy Packer’s first involvement in HEMA comes from doing rapier classes with Devon Boorman in the SCA, and eventually they started a club in Vancouver, British Columbia together called Academie Duello to teach historical fencing. Eventually Randy decided he wanted to teach HEMA in a different way than Devon did, and so he left Duello to start his own club. He started Nova Spada first and then Scatha Combat Guild, and now Valkyrie.

Devon continued to develop Duello into one of the largest HEMA schools in the world, operating out of a space in downtown Vancouver across from the Gastown district.

Randy did not gain any similar success with his various clubs.

This is all fairly well known information.

What is not seemingly as well known is what exactly Randy wanted to teach and why he was not able to teach that at Duello. And this is very important to understand to put Valkyrie’s current accusations against Duello into proper context.

Randy wanted to start a personality cult around himself that taught bullshido. That is why he left. And now he’s formed one such cult by advertising his school as a “safe space” for vulnerable people, specifically members of the LGBTQ community who may have limited or no prior experience with martial arts and cannot call him out on the dangerous stuff he teaches and believes. 

What kind of danger, do you ask?

Let’s talk about what happened in 2008 before Randy left Duello.

Randy decided to have a duel with another Duello student in public with real sharp blades and no protective equipment except sunglasses. So Randy convinced Justin Ring (who is now one of his coaches at Valkyrie today) to participate in a duel with sharp swords where they cut each other for real. 

This duel is documented on Justin’s own blog from back then.

https://scienceofdefence.wordpress.com/2011/03/25/duel/

And we’ve documented the entire blog post here in case they try to delete it now but here is a few key quotes from it,

So even as far back as 2008 Randy was able to manipulate a person such as Justin to engage in an extremely dangerous sword fight with him that if any one of them had made just one mistake, could have killed or seriously maimed them.

This is important to take note of. Even that long ago Randy was able to manipulate someone against their own self interest so he could say he had a match with sharp swords using no protective gear. This is toxic narcissism at work, as well as a strong indicator of his mental illness since he put his own life at risk by doing this with Justin.

Now, take note that Justin records the event on his blog as being amazing and positive for him, but was it truly?

Narcissistic manipulators will often use trauma bonding tactics in order to build relationships with other people. And that we believe is precisely what Randy does, and this is an example of one of the ways he recruits his cult members into his sphere of influence; using martial arts as a way to trigger dopamine releases alongside the adrenaline to get people to attach themselves to him.

As quoted from the following article, https://blogs.psychcentral.com/recovering-narcissist/2019/03/narcissists-use-trauma-bonding-and-intermittent-reinforcement-to-get-you-addicted-to-them-why-abuse-survivors-stay/

We’ll talk more about these manipulation tactics the Valkyrie cult uses later. Let’s get back to the specific bullshido they teach as self defense.

You see, Randy does not actually teach HEMA anymore. Actually he feels superior to everybody else in the HEMA community because his art is so much better.

Valkyrie has a reputation in the Vancouver HEMA community that maybe not everyone is as familiar with in the rest of the wider HEMA community. They don’t show some of their more extreme stuff on their YouTube videos however.

Randy has created a cult at Valkyrie that teaches a lot bullshido, some of which is actually aimed at teaching “self defense”courses. Courses that teach things like how to fight gun wielding robbers with knives instead of just running away like a reasonable person.

Swordfighting from a “self-defense or police control tactics point of view”.

Just let that sink in a moment.

This is a neat post here that illustrates some of the rabbit holes Randy goes down in developing his “modern” HEMA inspired self defense stuff,

Sure, Randy, make some kind of magical mathematical equation to prove you can beat a gunman with a sword by being faster than the bullet.

In this blog post from 2014 Randy outlines his updating of historical fencing to make it more relevant for self defense in today’s world,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2014/10/15/leaving-past-behind/

Randy is making a sword based martial art for "future fighters”.And here I’ll bet you thought we were joking about “Scientology of HEMA” thing, didn’t you?

However they have done some of their more extreme bullshido training at events like Vancouver International Sword Symposium. Here is one workshop they did in  2017

https://www.vancouverswordplay.com/changes-to-viss-instructor-lineup/

The key part of this is “differences between fighting in school settings versus fighting on the street” and “part two will apply the same approach to swordsmanship.”

That will be SUPER relevant if you intend to carry your sword around town to defend yourself in case of a possible mugging, right? RIGHT??

Yet what the session actually devolved into was Kaja and Randy trying to teach people how to get angry enough to make themselves trigger the Fight-or-flight response and enter a “hyper aroused state” so they could practice “realistic sword fighting” by swinging at people in limited safety gear as hard as they could. The workshop was deemed so dangerous for participants it was shut down early. 

But Valkyrie doesn’t want you to focus on that part of VISS 2017. They just want you to focus on their newly invented accusations against others in attendance at the event who were very critical about their unsafe training methods (i.e. Academie Duello). 

They were also allowed to teach a similar workshop at Swordsquatch last year too, which should really surprise nobody given the organizers are heavily under the influence of the Valkyrie cult.

http://boxwrestlefence.com/valkyriewmaa/the-valkyries-are-going-to-swordsquatch/

This type of training is probably one of the biggest bullshido things they teach right now, and despite their claims of it being “safe” it is anything but.

From the workshop page,

http://www.swordsquatch.org/2019fridayworkshops/2019/5/31/the-violence-ladder-a-stress-testing-model-for-realistic-training-kaja-sadowski

Emphasis on the highlighted parts.

Why the hell does anyone need to learn how to fight in a life or death struggle for historical fencing? Well it’s because Valkyrie thinks sword fighting is relevant for modern day self-defense, that is why. So go do some dangerous bullshido with them where people swing wildly at you while pretending to be in “hyper-aroused states”. 

You know actual real hyper-arousal is a state people go into automatically during heightened stages of fear. It is triggered by fear. Even if you feel angry, that anger comes from being in a situation that makes you feel like you are not in control and afraid.

This is the exact opposite of what real combat oriented training is. Real combat oriented training teaches you how to calm down and mitigate the effects of hyper-arousal so you don’t have tunnel vision, so you don’t have severe loss of fine motor control and so you breath normally and don’t hyper-ventilate yourself in a couple minutes. To restore your ability to employ some critical decision making.

And yes, while the military and law enforcement do have some training scenarios designed to allow soldiers and police to experience to experience a degree of stress that can invoke hyper-arousal the point of this training is to weed out those who cannot cope with the stress in an even artificial environment. It’s not for them to wildly attack each other with uncontrolled strikes while pretending to be a berserker. 

And they market their training courses as self-defense for women, too.

Three people with no law enforcement experience, no military experience and no experience whatsoever using their martial art to fight against people that truly want to kill them, are going to invent their own training course that is “absolutely unmatched by any other self-defense course in Vancouver”.

Yeah, we rather doubt that, considering the source.

The below post below is a fun one.

Amazing. Who would have ever thought that fucking around with gymnastic tumbling exercises could add “20% more power to my punches”? Clearly you are such a gifted coach that you should be training professional boxers. So why don’t you?

Oh, that’s right. The sport of Boxing requires validating your beliefs in a competitive environment where others could destroy them. And you don’t like that, because it would reveal your nonsense is bullshido.

That would be too honest for you though. So naturally you re-frame this to make it sound like you hate competitive tournaments because they aren’t “realistic enough” for your bullshido to work.

He wrote a blog article about this as well,

https://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2017/03/14/balancing-reality-and-fantasy-in-martial-arts-practice/

This is basically Randy bad mouthing competitive environments he knows are stress tests that his art will not be able to survive in, as well as Randy feeling intimidated by martial arts instructors who have far more experience with real combat situations given their professions.

From the bottom of the same blog post,

Like most of Randy’s writings this part is is a’bit incoherent and disconnected from the other things he says but looking closely you can pick out that Randy believes only certain types of martial art techniques work depending on the local community. He also thinks reality based martial arts are a “great avenue” to finding new training ideas he can use in his martial art, which is true we suppose but also somewhat contradicting other things he is saying elsewhere in the same post.

Which is probably why the training program at Valkyrie is such a mess. 

Here is a video clip of their instructors screwing around with training knives, going full contact, with no protective equipment at all. One takes a hard shot to the throat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mRLfEq1a-T4

They call themselves a “safe space” but engage in very unsafe training behavior like this. People wear a gorget to protect our necks in HEMA for a reason yet you do your classes with little to no protective gear while labeling them as “intense sessions”. 

Also they use spinning attacks with weapons, here is one depicting some of their “stick fighting” featuring a spinning attack delivered at close enough range the person could be struck in the back of the head if they tried this against a real person that actually wanted to hurt them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFx4Nok19_4

You should also note they disable comments on their YouTube videos so nobody can point out their BS. 

But here is a clip of what Randy means by his supposedly high intensity workouts that are so much better than everyone else.

And another,

Their conditioning program is....unique among martial arts claiming to be focused on reality based combat. 

It is described by Justin Ring in his blog,

https://scienceofdefence.wordpress.com/2012/07/22/in-the-middle/

I don’t know about you but Capoeira and break dancing doesn’t really scream “reality based combat conditioning” to us. 

The video below showcases some of this “original” unarmed combat fighting style that Randy teaches. A highlight of the video is around 1:17 where Randy starts crawling around on the ground, while reffing, for some reason.

You should notice how neither student knows how to do anything but try to attack the other. Neither have learned how to form a proper guard or how slip a punch. Their grappling is also unimpressive for something claiming to be “reality based”, and in reality the mounter could have ripped into his opponent’s testicles many times over with his free hand while the other guy attempted to recover after losing control with his guard. Anyway the guy in guard keeps losing control regardless. 

It’s also worth noting toward the end of the above video, the students engage in high intensity free play with rapiers without using any protective jackets. This is fairly dangerous, since just as with foil even rapiers blades can snap, and if they break the jagged broken end of the blade from where it snapped can fly and puncture someone with a lot of force. That is why fencing equipment in both Olympic and HEMA fencing uses puncture resistant materials for jackets and pants. 

Also in the process of crossing blades, the blades can chip as they clash against one another, creating small jagged edges that can easily cut open the skin. Therefore no exposed skin should be seen during high intensity fighting with any sword. 

While some light driling or slow very controlled sparring without jackets on is perfectly okay, free sparring without puncture resistant fencing jackets is not safe.

Yet this high intensity matches without proper gear is something Valkyrie engages in all the time.

Here is more clips of Valkyrie students and coaches engaging in free play with rapiers without using proper protective equipment.

And if you still had any doubts at all about whether this was intended to be highly competitive sword play, here is a tournament that they hosted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yw1H9z599aE

Again, no fencing jackets were used in the tournament for rapier fencing. The only jackets seen were for side sword fencing.  

Here is Kaja in an interview with Guy Windsor. At 18:07 minutes into the audio they talk about Valkyrie’s methods and she says safety equipment is a ‘last line of defense’ in her mind, that she doesn’t want students to feel they are relying on safety equipment during training and that “trust” is more important.

https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-sword-guy-podcast/id1520556121

Safety equipment is not a “last line of defense”. It’s the first line of defense.  When you don’t practice proper safety, irreversible damage can occur. Also this is what happens when people rely heavily on “trust” between students and instructors (which is prone to human error), instead of trusting their safety equipment as a first line of defense.

https://www.oregonlive.com/portland/2018/09/man_stabbed_through_the_eye_by.html 

You’ll note she speaks with a lot of pauses and hesitation about what specific equipment they use. This is because she is lying about what she is saying, as anyone who has looked at the videos we shared about on how they actually run high intensity fighting can see for themselves. Kaja is at least consciously aware their training methods are unusual among the wider HEMA community because Valkyrie has been criticized for it in the past.  

Again at 24 minutes into the podcast, Kaja talks about people getting concussions because fencing masks aren’t resistant enough. Guy is surprised she is referring to rapier fencing as he assumed at first long sword. The missing context here is because Valkyrie does ‘hyper aroused state’ bullshido they end up using more force than they should even with specialty training rapier blades intended to bend in the thrust, and numerous Valkyrie students -- including Randy himself -- have had concussions from training sessions.  

(Also to nitpick, their comparison to boxing gloves is inaccurate, boxing gloves aren’t to prevent concussions but rather to protect the bones of the hand from breaking while reducing chance of inflicting cuts to the face, as well as preventing eye gouging attacks that were common to bare knuckled fighting. Using boxing gloves to justify the fencing mask discussion is a bad comparison and the problem is they use more force than is necessary in training)

It is also interesting how she says she has had “5 or 6″ concussions. If we take her at face value that is a lot of traumatic brain injuries for someone who is not a professional athlete. Just saying. 

So let’s contrast this.

Here’s some free play fencing at Academie Duello, with Devon Boorman as one of the fighters.

So who really is a safer environment between these schools?

Also Kaja participated in a supposed “devil’s advocate” podcast debate with another martial artist, Randy King (ironically a different Randy). Here is a link to the YouTube video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SENFiYSUrYA

While Randy King tries to setup the debate with it just being a “we might not agree with what we are defending” setup, the thing is Kaja is saying things that Vakyrie teaches in order to defend the argument. Statements such as fighting only being 20% about physical ability and so on, is all part of the rabbit hole of stuff Valkyrie teaches.

Here is some additional insight into how Valkyrie’s training program was created.

Justin Ring would leave Duello with Randy to form a few different clubs, and remains among his coaches at Valkyrie.

On Justin’s blog you will also find his account of some of his training with Randy since leaving Duello and the bullshido that Randy was inventing. Here is a key part,

https://scienceofdefence.wordpress.com/tag/scatha-combat-guild/

So basically, despite no prior experience with modern combatives or even law enforcement or military experience, Randy decided to make his own self-defense martial art.

How original.

Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to invent your own martial art, in and of itself. The problem arises in WHY you are doing that.

Firstly, almost everybody who invents a martial art today is doing so because they don’t want to put in the work to get certified in another martial art. That is usually been the situation.

Secondly, if you don’t have any prior experience with REAL COMBAT such as from the military or law enforcement, you probably have no business inventing your own “self defense” oriented fighting style. Because you have no experience validating your art as effective against people actually trying to kill you, for real. Martial arts that teach realistic self defense are based on techniques originally created by people with extensive experience with people trying to kill them for real. These are the kinds taught in modern militaries today.  

Randy has no business inventing his own martial art for modern day self-defense. He has no experience with using his skills to protect his life in real life or death situations. He is teaching Bullshido in the very real definition of the word and he been able to fly below the radar because when people look at his school they think it is a HEMA school and don’t look closer at what he actually does and teaches.

Of course, we have more of his public postings that provide insight into this very unique and special brand of bullshido he teaches his cult members at Valkyrie,

If you still had any doubts that Valkyrie under Randy does not teach historical based martial arts and is leeching off the community to teach dangerous ideas and promote unsafe training habits, read this.

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2020/05/26/gravitas-and-the-rainbow/

Here is yet another article he wrote about why he believes sword fighting is relevant for modern combatives,

http://boxwrestlefence.com/blog/2016/04/26/modern-ancient-moving-forward-with-historical-martial-arts/

The thing here to point out, that those from outside of the HEMA community may not readily realize is that nobody sane is seriously studying HEMA for real combat in today’s world.

The goal of HEMA is to reconstruct lost martial art traditions for modern day sport purposes.

Trying to make sword fighting relevant to combat scenarios of the present day has nothing to do with HEMA!

The “Old masters” are focused on so extensively because we want to recreate THEIR MARTIAL TRADITIONS as closely as possible as part of the sport. Whether they could be “more effective” with your own inventions is entirely missing the point. This would be like saying Kendo or Olympic Sport Fencing needs to change their rules to be more “realistic” and missing the entire point of why people do these sports.

No sane person studies swordsmanship for self-defense or battlefield combat in the present day. Randy’s ideas and the Valkyrie training program taught by their coaches are very eccentric and not aligned with the rest of the HEMA community.

They are leeching off the HEMA community to promote a cult.

Randy is a narcissistic mentally unstable person driven by a deep need to feel superior to other people. That in itself would not be a terrible thing except he has decided to create a cult around himself that teaches bullshido and then turn his cult upon a rival school he is competing for students against -- a school which actually teaches HEMA, and is consequently FAR MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN HIS SCHOOL.

Academie Duello is a well organized HEMA school that welcomes everyone regardless of race, gender and is very accepting of differences. That is why they are successful.

Valkyrie is a bunch of bullshido and ran by abusive narcissists who try to love bomb and bully people into their cult. That is why they are less successful.

And Randy cannot accept this, and nether can his cult followers, either. So therein is part of their motivation to ruin Duello’s reputation. They cannot compete with them honestly so they will now employ dishonest tactics.

Yet the truth remains.

Duello is a legitimate HEMA school; one of the largest in the world.

And Valkyrie is one of the worst schools that does not even attempt to teach historically based martial arts, but instead leeches off the novelty of the HEMA community to teach Randy’s special brand of bullshido.

In the next article we will show how Valkyrie operates as a cult.

Why Valkyrie is a Cult https://fightersagainstnarccistic.tumblr.com/post/624517817683886080/why-valkyrie-western-martial-arts-in-vancouver

[emperorhwangs]

if you have to ship the minbooties with wanna one members (aside from minhyun) who would you ship with who and why?

AHHHHH I LOVE THESE THINGS HOHOHO *INTENSE KNUCKLE CRACKING*

this came out way too long so sorry your thumb is probably gonna be jacked as fuck

@hwangminyeo : I would probably ship Abby with Bae Jinyoung if it weren’t illegal ahahhahah because I see Abby as the glue who is capable of bringing everyone together. She was the one who reached out to me to invite me into the minbooties gc and I’m honestly so thankful because I’ve gotten to know 5 absolutely beautiful and entertaining mintrash that are able to make you feel so warm inside through just a few words over LINE that it’s unbelievable, and I’m so so thankful. She’s the type of person who is gentle, friendly, and patient enough to coax literally anyone out of their shell, and she always makes people feel included. She’s always feeding us well with Minhyun content bc she knows the Minbooties get hungry at all times of the day, so she’s really caring and sweet. I think that she’s exactly the type of person who would be able to coax Baejin out of the walls he puts up and then he’d feel so free and relaxed with her. He’s so different from his seemingly cold “deepdark” exterior and we all know he’s a sweetheart that I think would just coincide with Abby’s super relaxed and giving personality and they’d be so compatible and be able to have great times together. But if we’re going to stay with legal relationships, then I’d definitely ship Abby with Daniel. Abby takes on a lot by constantly feeding us and being selfless that she doesn’t take enough time for herself, so someone as loving/caring/lighthearted as Daniel would go perfectly with her to ease some of that stress. Daniel would undoubtedly put her needs before all else and probably has endless patience and would always be laughing at everything she does but also be super attractive at the same time like wtf. Not to mention he can be so damn RUDE and I bet abby has a secret kink for that hhoohohoho. Abby has amazing visuals that really compliment Daniel’s. While most of the Minbooties have either soft visuals or colder, elegant visuals, Abby’s visuals definitely give off a more “sexy” vibe? Sorry ABBY LOLOL PLS DONT CRINGE but Daniel is the same; he can look like a peach bunny and then BOOM he’s stroking his thigh and you’re pregnant. 

@hyuncakes/ @cafewoozi : I would ship Bonnie with Jihoon (you guys are probably so wtf while reading this but hear me out). When you search the word “pure” in the dictionary, Bonnie’s picture shows up. She is incredibly perceptive and picks up on the little things you say while texting her and she always replies with such sweet, wholehearted things. I literally cannot properly describe how nice Bonnie is; she’s the type of person that seems like she would give the best hugs in the entire world. She’ll reply to messages that you’ve sent a long time ago because she’s the type of person who will always make sure you are feeling loved and validated (which everyone always wants and I appreciate you so much for it). She’s really rational, mature, and down-to-earth and basically the type of person that you’d always want to be around with because just talking to her will brighten your day. If Bonnie were a feeling, she’d be the feeling of that warm pocket of sunlight that comes through the window and hits a certain part of the room and its the perfect light to nap under because its the perfect warmth and comfort omf does this even make any sense because ?? But she doesn’t seem to see what a catch she is and Park Jihoon seems like the type of person that would be sooooooo sweet and attentive and almost overly caring for his s/o, and he would give all the love and attention Bonnie deserves. Bonnie is, imo, the mom friend who stays reasonable and can be a really calming person if you start to rage too much; just her presence is very calming? If that makes any sense lololol. She’s definitely a secret nasty as well, though, and we’ve all seen that Jihoon can be RUDE AS HELL when he wants to, and I think he could adequately quench the thiRST if ;)))))))) ykwim :))))))))))) Jihoon and Bonnie would be a really dynamic couple full of cutesy dates and lots of skinship and you’d see them on the streets together with Bonnie wearing Jihoons’ sweatshirt or smth and you’d just get that feeling of “i WANT THAT” 

@minhwangs ok sarah is so DAMN thiRSTY lol but me as well i am 2nd sinner and she’s lowkey crazy too so I think I would ship her with Ong. She’s got a really bright, active personality and overall is someone that I think is really fun to be around. Not to mention, I think she would look really nice with Ong as their visual are similar to me in a way. Sarah is actually my ideal visual (lol that sounds so creepy whOOP) but I really really think that girls that have a defined, angular, and sharp facial structure are soosososso beautiful like I reALLy REALLY like Sarah’s facial structure SO MUCH it’s UNHEALTHY. Her bone structure is the LITERAL VISUAL DEFINITION OF IDEAL FACIAL STRUCTURE imo and Ong also has prominent, defined facial features. Their babies would be literal visual gods straight out the womb. I think a relationship between Ong and Sarah would be lighthearted and carefree as both of them strike me as fun-loving people.  They would have a lot of great, memorable times and double as best friends, not just a couple. Ong also definitely softens for girls and I don’t have any doubt that he’ll be very cutesy with his s/o, even if he’s annoying the other 70% of the time. He’d take really good care of Sarah and put her needs first whenever it truly mattered. Because both of them are such bright and energetic people, I think they’d be able to lift eachother’s spirits in dark times. Sarah tends to give a lot; I think she’s pretty selfless from what I can tell in the messaging patterns? She responds to every message and she’s also so considerate (i was spamming a gc with her about smtm and she didn’t want to trash everyone else’s feed so she suggested a pm, which I didn’t even consider). But she also forgets to take care of herself sometimes (go to sleep, sarah!) and I know Ong would make sure to care for her. As carefree and jovial  as he may seem, Ong is highly intelligent. He’d be able to properly care for her in his own weird Ong way, maybe even without her realizing he’s always looking out for her. He’d probably guise it in a joke but he’d be really just making sure that she was in the absolute best condition possible. He’d probably playfully protest at everything that Sarah suggests but he’d undoubtedly go along with everything she suggests, just to make her happy. 

@2hyeons I would ship Ying with Minyeoooo~~~ Firstly on a purely superficial level, both of them have similar visuals in that they are coldly attractive, like ice. It’s a weird way to describe her, but Ying’s appearance is very elegant and sophisticated; she gives off a particular aura that Minhyun’s resting visual also gives. She’s the quietest in the group chat but she always says the absolute sweetest things and you can feel her warmth, friendliness, and kindness through her messages. Her actual personality is a contrast against her ice queen visuals because she’s so warm-hearted, which I find to be extremely similar to Minhyun. When I first saw Minhyun on pd101 (the scene where he forgot the lyrics during his reevaluations) my exact thoughts were “wow, he’s gorgeous but probably a dick” (which was SO OFF). I also think that Ying has her SHIT TOGETHER, like she has her priorities in order and is very intelligent and probably works really hard, just like Minhyun. Nu’est members chose Minhyun as their smartest member. His work ethic is incredible. He isn’t naturally a dancer (if you couldn’t tel from the iconic minbooty dance), but he slaves away so he can pull off his parts flawlessly. In the older Nu’est videos, you can pick up on his quick-witted personality that I think would balance really really well with Ying. He’s softened as he’s matured and I think he would be sosososso compatible with Ying in that he would find her intelligence endlessly attractive, as well as her dedication and work ethic. Ying is also an explosion of personality when she tumbles in; she always offers us adamant support against hateful anons and also is the same level of absolute t r a s h for the minbooty like you will 100000% catch her bein thirsty as HELL. She’d be able to make Minhyun laugh a lot with her radiant personality and humor. He’s extremely caring and selfless, so he’d watch over Ying well. Ying doesn’t acknowledge that she’s an actual empress, and Minhyun would make sure to let her know every single day. I think Ying would appreaciate Minhyun’s love for skinship and his affection (look at how he treats Ren+Seonho+Baejin) and they’d have the absolute CUTEST couple moments.

@luminous-point OK so STORYTIME: when I first entered the minbooties gc and had no idea who anyone was or what they looked like, I assumed that Reni had used a female idol that I didn’t know as her profile pic. I legitimately 1000% thought that she was an idol based off of her picture and I slowly slowly came to the realization that the picture wasn’t of an idol and was actually indeed RENI herself. I was in absolute shock and for the first week or two that I was in the gc, every time I opened it and saw her little icon I would just think “she is seriously so pretty” and be genuinely in awe. Ok anyways. I would ship Reni with Ha Sungwoon~ I noticed Sungwoon right away the very first episode of PD101 when they did that little segment on the strong visuals of the season and they showed a literal .5 second clip of his face but i was absolutely HOOKED on him since then. He was my absolute favorite visual in the first episode, and then his evaluation performance absolutely blew me away. Talent and visual = Reni. Both Reni and Sungwoon have very strong visuals that I absolutely am in love with, and both are extremely hardworking and talented. Reni is seriously sosososososso important to the minbooties and I appreciate her so much, though I’ve never told her. She’s dually very mature/level-headed yet also etremely playful/fun/bright. She slaves away subbing Nu’est content to give happiness to the fandom and pours so much and time and effort into it just for other people’s enjoyment. Whenever she encounters an issue, she approaches it in a very calm, collected manner that I really respect, and I think that Sungwoon would find it incredibly attractive. Sungwoon is extremely hardworking and imo, underrated. His performance in “Downpour” was most memorable to me, and he was also the very first person to nail the entire “Never” choreography when everyone else could barely get through the first portion and they still voted him off the team smH so both of them don’t get their hardwork acknowledged nearly enough. Reni is also WILD AF (don’t deny it) and I think Sungwoon is definitely the type that’d like that have a really really good time so they’d have really amazing, unbeatably fun dates. Sungwoon is also the type to dote on and be really really loving towards his s/o, which I think would be great for Reni. Reni is super super big sister vibes~ I wanted to EAT my own arm because of college apps and she offered to help and take time out of her own day to read over my essays and gave such amazing advice, so I want someone who I know would treat their s/o like a literally precious jewel for Reni.