#it should be better in December
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I'm so exhausted from work it's insane. Weekends aren't weekending either and next one I'll be without a phone entirely
#-ˋˏ ༻sunlit serenade#I'll try to get vampire bf Choso ready for tomorrow#and maybe a tr one somewhere later this week#I also need to queue stuff and ughhh the days need more hours#sorry for being a lil absent here#it should be better in December
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STAY ★ TRUE || patreon print for dec / shop
#art tag#patreon tag#linocut#printmaking#block print#block printing#relief print#traditional art#linoprint#they should invent a baren i like more than my dented tea canister lid. the bamboo one is ok but the texture roughs up the paper#if only i wasn't allergic to spending money on better stuff#also i fuckin. hate speedball professional that shit sucks. gets fuckin tacky as hell even tho its oil base#what a nightmare. caligo you are my one and only love#i shouldve asked for one of those fancy clay or glass barens for christmas. you know the ones with the really smooth glaze...#ok anyway yeah this is the patreon print for december!#for once i wasn't very careful about the chatter so a lot of them have some bits on the edges. whatever its art#gotta remind people its all carved
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An older lady finds interest & joy in beauty & make-up to help her cope with the loss of her husband.
happy femslash february, here's a 3 volume series of grandma yuri. in fact I'm quite sure it's the only multi-volume yuri that centers around Actual Old Women
the summary frames this as the main character coping with the loss of her husband, but… he was a bit of an asshole! and her memories of him are a little ambivalent. rather than a story about grief, it’s more about freedom and self-expression—with help from someone who’s more used to being blunt and outspoken
I really like that it’s a story about self-discovery; basically a coming-of-age for an 80 year old. there’s a lot that the main character has had to repress, or just never really had the chance to explore
there’s only two chapters translated in english so far, but please. give them a read. open your heart to grandma yuri.
#femslash feb recs#recs#ff recs#hiding this in the tags but I *do* think it would’ve been nice if the artist was a little better at wrinkles#but the only other grandma yuri are two oneshots with may-december romances#one by… I think the artist is shunita (I’m probably misspelling it) and the one in ‘whenever our eyes meet’#well there’s also the… diary manga? actually I should buy that one brb#BOTTOM LINE despite that the artist *is* the leader in grandma yuri revolution and I will always respect her for that
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some older hifuu doodles because i just found out about the upcoming album and i'm so excited i'm going to explode
#zun cd#hifuu club#secret sealing club#maribel hearn#renko usami#touhou#the first doodle is from december but the others are circa 2019 <3 my dear old high school art#ive loved these girls for so long i will single handedly revive this blog during finals if it means theyre getting new content#i also have many jacketkos. way better than the one i posted here ages ago but i am shy about posting#my art#i should refine my labelkos too. anyways. YUKABEL REAL SOON??
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I'm reading poetry at 1 am and spiraling over like 45 emotions at once, which is how poetry was meant to be enjoyed, I think
#hella off topic in tags again lol#current list of favorites:#The Kiss by Stephen Dunn#Connubial by Stephen Dunn#Rain by Raymond Carver#the lesson of the moth by Don Marquis#May to December by Megan Fernandes (I need to buy her book at some point)#The Woman Who Turned Down a Date with a Cherry Farmer by Aimee Nezhukumatathil#and I Like My Body When It Is With Your by E.E. Cummings.#I do not CAREEEEEEEEE if any of this is low-brow poetry. I do not know what high-brow high-quality poetry even is and I'm fine with that.#all I care about is if it makes me feel things and if I personally like it ❤️. I do this for fun and not to rip it apart because it's 'bad'#i've spent too much time around pretentious literary people and that shit seems exhausting! ngl!!!#I have no interest in it. even if what I love is garbage then at least I love it#and I am not just pretending to love it because it makes me look smarter or whatever.#it's one thing if you're autopsying poems out of love for literary analysis and criticism or for a degree#but nothing gets me more than people who ruin others' enjoyment of simple things just to feel above them.#like oh? you like better poetry than me? you care more about feeling smart than enjoying things? should we throw a party? should I call CNN#sorry 😭 this got so salty but pretentious people really tick me off. I've met far too many of them#and I am PERFECTLY HAPPY with my trash interests! I am a raccoon! I love trashy things! thank you very much!#ok i'm going to sleep now though because in true 1 am fashion I am not staying on topic lol.#I tryyyyy to keep complaining/negativity to a minimum here but whatever. I am allowed to have this lol#I like my maybe-bad-poetry-but-i-wouldn't-know. I like bad 90s music. I like campy-ass batshit 2009 FFN fics. I like taco bell. amen.
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Lol I keep on doing this, saying I'd come back to tumblr to only disappear again 😂😭
#and i hate it bc i miss being on here#but also i don't have to force myself or feel guilty for it#bc if i'm fr being on social media is just so time consuming and also not what is good for my mental health often#and that includes tumblr#it's not even that it's a toxic place (at least not the content i'm consuming) but sometimes i just rather spend my time with people irl#meeting someone than on social media and like focus on my life#the last month or so was just really difficult for me and i haven't been feeling so bad mentally in forever#i mean it always is like that that time of the year but i feel like i was worse this year#whenever autumn comes around with the darkness and cold i seem to hit a low mentally#when i tell you how much better my mood is in summer spring how much better i feel everyday regardless of everything else#i get people like autumn but for me its literally the worst and winter too altough at some point it gets better#maybe i adapt and maybe because i spend more time outside around christmas when i go home that's usually a turning point#and ig also the lights of december make it a bit better#but mid october to november is awful#this year the weather was much worse beginning of october was much worse#i feel like i lowkey have this seasonal mood disorder idk#but i barely managed to go to classes and i had no motivation#usually i always make myself study and do the things i have to atleast altough i often terribly procrastinate#but now i was barely able to do this and i had things to do but i couldn't make myself i missed a deadline closely#luckily my professors are the best but i felt so horrible for it how i was unable to get it done#sunlight is just so good for my mood and ik how doctors say how you should avoid it because you can get skincancer#but like i'd rather than my mental health being this bad (not that i want either)#i already miss summer so much and being happier#but tbh i haven't felt this good as I do today in weeks and even this whole week was better#i exercised more than usual altough i tried to in the last weeks i couldn't as often as i normally do so maybe this actually helps a lot#and i studied yesterday today and i will tomorrow i finally feel motivation again#besides i also tried to break up with my bf so that was also tough but i couldn't lol#i tried talking to him and tell him in the nicest way but he didn't get what i was trying to do and i couldn't say more bc i felt horrible#but maybe that's for the better altough i had these thoughts for a while that he just isn't the one for me and that we're too different...#i do really like him as a person the way he treats me and i'm still into him but i just felt like it wouldn't work
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hey read mores can be used for shit nobody wants to see i forgot
im acutely aware airing out my spirals is inappropriate at best but it's either that or i bottle up & stay at least mildly upset over nonsense forever. having a therapist (that i trust) would be nice but until then all i can do is walk through my own mental processes aloud to get normaler. & thankfully it does work. i do feel better when i publicly analyse myself & less upset at whatever caused the unwarranted negative emotions of the month. again sorry to everyone though.
#i know this isnt right. im sorry. i feel pretty normal now im lying down though so. gotta pick our battles#believe you me this is also not fun for me. on average the person im most upset with is myself. for ever being upset#not that i should be a doormat but if im upset in an actually reasonable manner its always months late#bc well i am a little bit of a doormat when i reaaaally shouldnt. this shit is dumb.#one day ill get good at standing up for myself. & being reasonable. until then well um. scared of what the future holds!#bro this december better be fucking fantastic the past two months have been beating my fucking ass
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The devil on your devil’s shoulder on your shoulder whisper to her “Tell her to buy airplane ticket right now”
SGGFDDFG WITHOUT THE TICKETS EVEN I’m yelling
#the real answer is#the better paying job makes $2k more the month of December. I should OBVIOUSLY take that and then just fucking. go to the show in Vancouver#but I don’t wanna do that lol#cause then I’d start thinking ‘you could’ve spent a week in Costa Rica for this you SUFFERED’#not necessarily Costa Rica just you get my point#UGHHHHHHHH IDFKKKKM
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#I should be at Hozier's concert right now#I've had a ticket since December!#I'll probably regret my decision not to go soon enough#I'm sad I'm missing it despite knowing it was the better choice for me. ugh#I just know I'd have had *fun*#and it's not like I was able to resell the ticket#even if it'd have finished at a decent time (and I live relatively close to the venue) I knew I wasn't going to fully enjoy myself#I've been feeling off for the last week or so. Work stuff isn't helping. I feared the headache would get worse again. etc etc#tbd
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Okay I'm going to say something and not tie to what I saw on Twitter. It is about certain ships. I've seen hate on bleach ships in general, particularly shunnao recently. And people went and dug up old Tumblr posts from when the manga was still ongoing to call these fans delulu.
Here's my two cents:
(1) if shunnao fans are delulu, so are juushun fans, or sword x Shunsui fans, or whatever. In that, in canon, he's one-sided in love with his sister in law. Now does this matter? Not at all, because shippers will ship based on chemistry and what characters they like. I find it unfair that juushun fans who were hated on from men a few weeks back on Twitter not jump on the bandwagon to hate other bleach ships, as though they're not the same fanon boat.
(2) Why are you calling out old Tumblr posts? These posts were made as the manga was ongoing. These shunnao fans didn't know the two were related. Kubo has written omake where Nanao has a love confession for him. He has had Shunsui flirt with her in the past. It's unfair to call these fans out for something they didn't know as Kubo dropped the bomb at the end, and call them all sorts of things like incest supporters. When many of these fans deactivated as a result. Or deleted their works. (With regards to work deletion, I don't think it is fair we demand someone takes down all their works because their ship turned out incest; I think it is their right to maintain that they did that work under a different set of knowledge and they have the right to intellectual creativity as any of us. I think that is why many of shunnao fans say "if they weren't related". Because they don't find it fair they must delete everything now or the contribution they made to the fandom.)
***
No OP does not condone incest. Does it mean fiction doesn't have a place for incest? It does, but I don't trust men to write it; but I trust women. It doesn't matter as most of these fans didn't know it was incest and stopped writing after it became incest.
No OP also did not read the story as a shunnao ship. I read bleach backwards as the suicide theater part and Shunsui's unrequited love made me want to read the whole manga. So I read it when I had all the facts, and could clearly see the whole story. Shunnao fans didn't, they read it chapter by chapter as the story was ongoing. They formed the ships early on, perhaps even early on in age (shunnao is a very age 12 kind of ship in regards to attraction to older experienced men imo), and it's hard to swerve once you're committed to a ship, even if now you are older. I always saw them as family because of how Shunsui patronizes Nanao. But that doesn't mean people cannot read the same story differently.
And it doesn't matter what "morality" credentials OP has to make this point, because I don't have the right to impose on anyone of what to ship, and most people have coherent reasons as to why they ship and they can find evidence in the canon for that. Unfortunately shunnao was also one of the few f/m ships that had weight in the fandom, which is inundated by m/m ships mostly. (I pray for f/f ships but alas we know how that statistics goes.) The point is, you cannot hide behind morality in pushing your fanon ship over another, just when you were attacked for said ship by "canon" people. And even then, the point of fandom is to give something new, a different spin, hence why canon is also not as important: it's a starting point and people go and experiment from there. And yes, I would condone shunnao art or fics even if it were incest, in the sense that, I would not know how the story treats the topic without reading it. Is it fetishizing it? Fiction is always a space to deal with uncomfortable truths, so hiding behind morality is the same as antis. (What I mean is, I defend their right to ship it.)
#anime manga rambles#op is Shunsui/sister in law and nanao/jugram if that helps#but the morality of what ship is unproblematic or what is canon should not matter#even if i had no ships i would still defend people ship#I'm so tired of people acting like there's an echelon of ships or whatever#they get mad when they get attacked but attack other ships#I can't deal with such people#i hope shunuki fans like that get destroyed in December because he's in love with Nanao's mom#you're all so annoying and i have defended yaoi fans to do what they want#but you don't get to attack other people#i suspect these kinds of people hate nanao (aka a woman being involved in a ship) more than they hate incest#I've seen this with other f/m ships even when pitting f/m against f/m like ichiruki v ichihime#the misogyny quickly comes out when they show why their ship is better#and i feel a lot of yaoi fans feel justified in thinking bc they ship gay they can't hate women or be misogynistic but they can and they do
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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my workplace is gonna have extended hours coming up so my life is going to be miserable for 2 months starting in 2 weeks
#i guess i should just give up on having a sleep schedule or any routine or a life outside of work#how can i leverage my seniority to make my situation better. idk if i can since my managers don’t particularly like me it seems#i’m also like way too embarrassed to be like hey. please don’t make my life hell as much#when that’s pretty much the whole gig during the holidays#whatever. it’s so busy in december that it kind of flies by in a haze#not in a good way but at least it doesn’t drag#and it will be fun probably for 2 weeks + then it will be fun to complain about for another week before there’s nothing fun about it anymore#whatever i just need to find a way to frame it in my mind so that it’s not torture#like pretend i’m in a video game or something#and drink an absurd amount of coffee every day#maybe i should try to find a psychiatrist or something before it gets too busy. like if possible#get back on antidepressants because even my current mental health baseline is not good rn. tbh#idk just pondering. i want to make it through the winter still alive + employed + not failing out of my certificate program#(+ i’m already on thin ice with that last goal. i can’t get away with another fuck up)#anyway this is so dramatic but it really is the shittiest time of the year
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she's never letting her boys go again
for @khazadweek day 1 'family'
#its not much but it's honest work#i remember rebloggin the khazad week post in october thinking “im gonna be way to busy with school in december to draw”#“i should prepare stuff ahead of time cause i love dwarves”#and then i didn't :)#so now i am gonna scrape together as much as i can in one if not the most busy week of the term#ugh my problem is i know i could do so much better if i had more than a half-hour to spare :/#kili#fili#dis#the hobbit#truths drawings#khazad week
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DAY 148: LATE HALLOWEEN PIECE
#sara chidouin#yttd#daily sara! ★#[2023] dress up sara! ★#<- will compile all of these soon btw#148#described#sorry there's been so many lazy doodles lately btw :( things should ideally get better by december but. bwaghh!!
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Man nobody told me the comedown from a manic episode lasts like a year
Makes sense now I guess lmao
#1st month or 2 of ed edd n eddy obsession was pure mania btw lol#im at the uhhhh coming back up from the bottom of the mariana trench part of that whole process#you shoulda seen me in january it was bad lol#well i suppose yall did its not like i went anywhere#idk#too much info? idk maybe#well it was either that shit from december that lastes 2 or 3 months or a few weeks ago#i think a few weeks ago was something different tho idk#too much info#fuck it whatevr#i always send these posts 2 the drafts#too much shit happened between then and now jeez#you shouldve seen me when i was first going on my deviantart crusades#i was at the height of my entire fuckin life for the 1st few hours and then id find out about some sort of eene lost fan-media#and i would just BREAK down#and i did this over and over until something in me just broke#idk it was weird for a minute#ill take it aw a win though because my art improved a SHIT ton from that#gotta get back on that rapid improvement thing that was crazy#i think ive gotta start actually leatning stuff now lol#my ass has just now realized i can do thumbnail sketches#ive literally been publishing my first pass on all my ideas up till now#like maybe. i should try using effort....... waow#i need to go to ART CLASSES fuck#man you have to be an arts major to take any of the art classes its totally lame#STEM AND ARTS GO TOGETHER INHERENTLY!!!!!!!! STOP GATEKEEPING CREATIVITY ILL KILL YOU sorry#mildly hyperbolic here#graghhhrrr#i hate being employed theyre using up my entire brain#better not frizzle out before i finally get the chance to make cartoons
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Me, 5 days ago: I'm just gonna go over my outline again, I feel like I'm getting stuck.
Me, today, exhausted and covered in blood: So I restructured the entire plot and changed the timeline and half of the conflict. Also it's a trilogy now.
(Guess who is now actively working on a rework of ASE... this guy.)
#a strange education fic#The main IDEA of the story is still the same#I just... readjusted a lot of things#This is why you should double check your outline before you start blindly writing it kids#I do feel bad about having to do a rework but I sincerely believe it'll be beyond worth it#it's going to be a much better story for it#it's already so much easier for me to write than it had been#but it's gonna take a little while to be ready to post#aiming to get the full first draft done by the end of December#I hope y'all who follow me for the story will stick around to read the reworked one when I post it#but I get it if not :/#my posts#my writing ramblings
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