#it seems like a terrible way to live
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why do you think louis said this might be the only time he plays at the hollywood bowl? do you reckon it might be because his tickets sales aren’t going well and he was told that it won’t be possible to book venues like these next tour? that made me kinda sad :((
every day I get asks being like "do you think [random thing that happened in the last 24 hours] is because Louis' ticket sales are so bad?" and it's obviously just annoying harries with nothing better to do than try to make people unhappy (TPWK!!!) and maybe they're just getting cleverer here and have tricked me, but this sounds like it might actually be a person who they are getting to with this garbage and have made unhappy so fine, I'll bite-
Louis' ticket sales are going FINE!!!! He is playing great shows every night and is on target for the tour he has booked and everything he's doing is completely sustainable and if nothing changes (which it will, for the bigger; he has been picking up more fans every year) he can keep touring like this (and playing these venues) indefinitely! The idea that every show that doesn't sell out is a failure is made up and makes no sense- if every show sold out there would be people who wanted to give them money but were unable to do so. That is not how capitalism (and growing your fanbase) work for any working musicians outside the top .00001% biggest in the world! If your venues sell out, then next time you book bigger ones, and you keep doing that until you hit a size where it doesn't sell out so everyone can buy buy buy those tickets. I can't know for sure why Louis said what he said; but he is constantly in disbelief that things are going as well as they are for him and while this album and tour especially he seems to have finally started to believe we really do like what he does and aren't going anywhere, I think that's still there and that's what I heard with that. I mean also it could be next time he plays LA he ends up in an equal size but less iconic venue and booking never lines up with that space again or something, for all I know it's really hard to get on their schedule. Hollywood Bowl is a historic and renowned venue and Louis was excited to play on a stage that has hosted so many famous people and moments and was trying to be in the moment and appreciate it (as he has been focused on making an effort to do lately) because the future is a mystery and anything that is ever happening might never come around again, but I don't think it's cause for concern.
#I've been a fan of Louis for a long time and there were definitely times when that meant being sad and worried#and it wasn't just fun and good times.#so I wouldn't tell someone who was having these stresses oh if you're unhappy just go! or anything like that#I get it#but also these days for me it's just JOY for him things are going SO WELL and it makes me sad#to see people missing out on that because they're listening to the gloom and doom squad#what do people get out of catastrophizing everything? always finding something to worry about and then telling other people#they should also worry about it? let alone making them feel guilty if they don't#it seems like a terrible way to live#and I'm sorry for the fans who are being negatively effected by these sour people#blah blah blah
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All I’m going to say I think now that my brain remembered part of what it was thinking is that Taylor and Joe went through a lot together (good and bad) and regardless of how it ended or what led to it they both seem to be determined to keep that private and not throw each other under the bus and in the end they’re just two very, very different people whose outlooks in the long term were just never going to align and never has that been clearer.
#I AM NOT DEFENDING HIM JUST TO BE CLEAR#I’m just saying… he said a lot of nothing in those quotes beyond ‘people on the internet suck’#which is true#and both he and Taylor are keeping things close to the vest about it all#and just seems to me that whatever they went through together they are determined to keep it between them so that’s the end of that#(again in contrast to how she has no qualms about reading m for filth)#he’s just some guy and now he gets to be just some guy forever#and she gets to be extraordinary#like yes the loving committed thing raises eyebrows given how much pain she was in#but like he could have shaded her about how it ended too and he didn’t#AND I AM NOT DEFENDING HIM#we know he was a terrible partner and she felt like shit#I’m just saying neither of them want to delve into the specifics and i think they’re just moving into footnotes in each other’s lives now#like i want to make it clear AGAIN I am not condoning anything on his part here — clearly there were huge issues#I’m just saying just because he may have sucked as a partner doesn’t mean the internet being cruel isn’t also true idk#and yes it’s transparent why he’s choosing to speak out now (or rather why the Sunday times is choosing to reach out to him now)#but like… idk i just can’t muster up any feeling about this man one way or the other lol#and take cues from Taylor (and even him) she’s determined to keep it between them other than the broad strokes#so I’m following her/their lead#(like I have thoughts about why but that’s not important and ultimately is just… it’s the most normal of ltr breakups)#like he just sounds a little pretentious with his ‘real life’ which like… good on him keep living that real life you do you dude#meanwhile his ex is flourishing with every passing week and milestone and is living her unabashed best life#and they’re probably both happier for it now
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i have been awake for only one hour so far and i am ALREADY ready for the day to be over lmfao. not even five minutes after being awake i walked into my kitchen, turned the light on, and BAM fuckass M O T H starts flapping around my head!!!!!! bitch no!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!! how did this fucker even get inside!!!!!!! what the hell!!!!! i had to spend like ten minutes trying to kill this thing!!!!! and then i had to mini clean my kitchen (after already deep cleaning it this weekend!!) to wipe up the raid i sprayed LOL. and then while i was putting on my earrings, i dropped one of the backings in my carpet so i had to search for that which took like 5 minutes. AND it's raining outside. 😩😩
#it may not seem like a lot. but. the fuckass moth counts for like 20 terrible things#my god#if any of yall have been following me long enough to remember when i lived in sf loke almost 2 years ago#yall might remember when i ALSO had a fuckass moth problem there too#WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME??? WHY DO MOTHS LOVE ME??? I FUCKING HATE THEM#n e ways.#the guy at dutch bros was soooo nice this morning tho so that earned the morning some points bacj#but O O F#i wanna go back home and crawl into bed again already lol#mack rambles
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Never gonna be over how unutterably pathetic and in dire need of ANY kind of companionship or friendship that doesn't revolve around their band the entirety of dethklok are. I love these horrible idiots who are so devoid of any real connections outside of themselves that they will latch onto anyone unfortunate enough to get too close to any one of them! And GOD help anyone they latch onto!!
#jay talkin#metalocalypse#im thinking about the doubles episode where they just seem genuinely happy to have 'friends'#who arent like. industry people. these men are so starved of any kind of connection#and it takes them four seasons a rock opera and a movie to realise they can find that in each other lmao#also thinking about how quickly any of them bond and become really intense abt anyone in their life#aka: NATHAN TOWARDS ABIGAIL. oh dear poor abigail oh dear#but also toki to damn near anyone and this goes for the entire band tbh as well they all do this at least once#and yeah its mainly cuz 10min eps mean u gotta progress stuff fast#but also holy shit. charles these boys want friends so bad u gotta set em up on playdates or smth#maybe it'd get some of their dumb stupid idiot energy out and they'd be better behaved. well. no they wldnt but... u can dream#i do think theres smth to be said that yeah all of dethklok are cool theyre metal superstars they r good at what they do#theyre also fucking prophesised saviours too and theyre also incredibly dangerous idiots and terrible ppl#but never forget that they are also. so so SO pathetic and isolated and dysfunctional#these men have not lived in the real world in decades and are disconnected and unsocial and spoilt and u can see that this does impact#the way they interact w the world! they need like. anything other than the band in their lives hah. they do need to pal around#im glad they find that in each other eventually!!#i dont want 2 sound like im babying them or infantilising them these r grown asshole idiot men but like. listen these shitheards r lonelyyy#everyone in their lives is like. assigned to be there and is set as beneath them in a class and workbased system#they dont rlly have ppl who r just there cuz they like em. outside of fans. and fans arent rlly a real connection yknow#their only connections come via work networking sex and violence and worship baby!!!! its fucked up!
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It's so hard hating a guy that everyone around me likes. Like damn am I the actual irrational bitch or is everyone else crazy.
#LIKE#YEAH IDK I GUESS HE SEEMS COOL??? BUT LIKE????? Too many terrible vibes.#also ☝️ got way too mad abt a dude being a lil bitchy. and idk. if u only allow urself to be bitchy#and get upset if someone else is bitchy (as is their right) then idk. die. bitches must live.#sorry. im overusing the word bitch
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like there's no way in hell he hadn't realised by this point right. no no you see, my queen's personal guard must sleep within our chambers so he is always within arm's reach should she need him. for anything
#i guess you could read the interactions in this chapter as tariq genuinely liking froi while also reminding him of their respective#positions but i like these versions better whether he's just doing this for quintana or he's trying to put the moves on froi himself#unforch it would never have worked because that's not a way in which froi can live his life#but it was a nice thought. thanks tariq#something terrible happened to my original tags i had to reconstruct from memory so if these seem weird that's why
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apparently i also put tolerate it by taylor swift on my playlist for vene....... i also see it. perhaps in a looser sort of way.
#( 💭 faun thinks )#maybe i'll talk abt some of the songs i put on there for him..... because i can. nobody can stop me in my own home.#with this one in particular probably a controversial take but i see it relating to his close relationships#because... think about it...... a lot of the ppl he's closest to insult him... esp romano... and even germany#that + how i see him having issues w/ self worth given his history of being chased after for his inheritance#+ the fact that he clearly takes words to heart with how much he praises others and seems to love being praised#i think he actually doesn't feel that loved but keeps up w/ trying to be loving because it's all he can really do#acknowledging that feeling of discontent would just create problems he doesn't want to deal with#and doesn't think can be dealt with to begin with#do the people he loves actually love him or do they just tolerate him#also i see parts of this tying into his childhood w/ austria as well#being scolded and bullied despite attempts to Be Good and earn Approval#which i think particularly fucked him up after living w/ rome and being treated overall well#only for him to die and vene to be kicked out into the real world where he was terribly mistreated#i see him feeling like he fell from grace in some way going from being a good kid who was praised#to one who could never do anything right (being a hyperbole)#thus feeling like he has to earn back or maintain that status of being Good#yet also w/ his experience of being sought after for his inheritance... ok losing the point here but i have Thoughts#thoughts i keep in the tags... for now...#keep meaning to make on itapost on this topic but then i get too nervous lol#i've also been wanting to make an itapost on vene's feelings towards rome and how he feels like he has to live up to some standard#in relation to him (but obviously doesn't and how that affects his self esteem)#soon maybe#itaposting
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Do you think Evka had permission for Antoine's joining or was being sent to train Antoine at a remote outpost supposed to be some sort of punishment?
#antoine and evka#evka ivo#antoine dragon age#antoine ivo#you cant tell me a warden of only 3 years is allowed to join people willy nilly#i feel like the rest of the wardens took one look at the cheerful halfdead servant boy and told her he was her problem now#yeah congrats you saved a life#now go take him to a remote outpost for training because he is an embarrassment#only it turns out he isn't some useless pretty faced orlesian servant#because antoine is good with bombs and archery#but they dont know that#i mean there is a possibility that she was allowed to join him or didnt need permission#this jist happened to pop up because the thought was funny#and because it feels like a thing that would happen#given the fact antoine started so far away from what would generally be recruited#i mean even evka has moments where she seems iffy on antoines ability to remain living#and she recruited him and spent his first weeks with him#can you imagine a gruff no nonsense warden hearing about antoine in the beginning#i feel like very few took him seriously the first time he met them#and I dont mean they rejected him because they are always in need of people to deal with records and other things#i mean it in a taking his ability to fight seriously way#because using yourself as a distraction is a very very very terrible way to stay alive#and his recklessness is 100% a liability#plus he looks and acts so soft and friendly#so no one would expect him to be capable of killing or gore#maybe he uses archery bombs and other thrown items as a way to distance himself from getting coated in gore#i love one soft french man#antoine and evkas entire careerpath is just a series of being sent to weird and awful places as punishment#for stupid things
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s. s ave me, meoto…
#n o t me clinging to meoto to retain my sanity bc g o o d l o r d today was the worst#today was truly a very bad; very horrible day indeeeeeeed#man. today truly was a comedic tragedy in every way possible. i’d laugh if i were anyone else tbh#first i couldn’t start my workstation bc we were out of this cleaning acid thing.#t h e n this other branch lab sent over a precise amount of [reagent] that we needed to make the cleaning acid thing#*and* what’s worse was that they also demanded like. 1/5 of the acid we mixed. like bro. make it yourself mans.#but the worst part was when i tried to use a dropper to poke this sediment out of [tube i was supposed to be cleaning]#bUT THEN HALF OF THE DROPPER MELTED BC THAT BUGGER CAN’T HANDLE HIGH TEMPERATURES AAAAAAAAAAAAAA#stupid new droppers man. the old droppers could handle 100 degrees just fine. s o now the tube is clogged with melted plastic and it’s just.#life’s *really* great sometimes yk~~~~? (ʘ‿ʘ)#and so the night shift dude who came to take over the workstation against expectations seemed kinda pissed that i hadn’t started anything#and im just there. with my intestines wriggling about like internal abdominal worms. tryin not to cry in the face of my mistake.#while he’s fumin’ away like a freakin’ chimney or sth. like. man. no one asked you to take this workstation. you came here on your own. :(#anyway i ditched him and left for my break to calm myself down only to be approached by some random terribly lost middle aged to old lady#who was looking for directions to *somewhere* but she only spoke chinese aaaaaaaa#and i can’t read maps/i don’t even live in the area of my workplace so i have no idea if the lady managed to make it safely#but. lol. the lady showed me her message screen when she asked me for directions to her destination#and by pure coincidence the person she was texting is apparently related to someone with the same first name as me#the cons and cons of having common names man. i hope the lady managed to find her friend with the same name as me though lol#anyways. pls hw im begging. pls drop the crossfade for lxl birthday tmr i n e e d more meoto to carry on—#s o b s this is what im living for now ig. meoto………..
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i really think that the hells have taken trust to mean something that it really isnt, and are all conveniently forgetting each others histories in order to push their preferred brand of "trust" without really trying to explain themselves
#cr spoilers#dont get me wrong i love it#i love inter party conflict and the little rough edges grating on each other#this all really goes to show how the hells are somewhat less aware of each other in a way#so much terrible shit has happened to them in such a short amount of time#they havent had the chance to really settle and talk abt most of it#its always been a rush to get to the next thing. constantly playing catch up to ludinus who always seems one step ahead no matter what#the little nana morri trust retreat was a good idea in theory (and somewhat in practice!)#but it feels like theyre lacking the tools to actually discuss the Big issues#the small stuff? sure they can handle that#they all trust each other with their lives in combat#when they can unite against a common enemy#but as weve seen. its when the threat isnt imminent that the really rough patches start to show through#i adore it so much#delilah briarwood thank you so much for your service you fucked up bitch
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sorry i just. need to rant for a second
#cause dude the whole joost situation is SO fucking upsetting#he's mentioned over and over again how overwhelming this whole overnight success thing has been for him and to respect his boundaries#and instead of yk respecting his wishes “fans” go and make things worse by constantly overstepping and being creepy and weird like hello???#like why can't we all just be normal and take a step back and enjoy things#these people are gonna end up driving him off the internet and i wouldn't blame him one bit#and the worst part is the people who should get the memo obviously don't (or refuse to) bc this isn't an isolated instance#like its been going on for a while now#idk man i just think about how hard it must be for him rn#one of the things that turned me into a joost fan (besides his music) was his personality#like i obviously dont know him on a personal basis#but from the little bits ive seen he comes across as a really genuine and sweet and kind dude#super thoughtful as well. like i just love the way he thinks and his take on things#like i remember watching his eurovision interviews and just thinking oh man this dude's a ray of sunshine LMFAO#also the literal definition of resilience like dude's been through so much stuff and hes always managed to come out on top despite of it#and thats something i really admire about him too. like the way he put it as not letting your traumas be just that#but also something that can drive you forward#but yeah dude's had more than enough like he deserves to be happy and have some peace and ppl keep ruining it for him and it makes me upset#like i actually slept like shit last night and woke up feeling terrible and i wonder if what went down yesterday w the whole live thing#has anything to do with it lmfao#and you may be like ok well youre taking it too personally and letting it affect you#and yeah maybe youre right LOL but i cant help it i care about the guy and i want him to be okay#he seems to have a really good support system though so i hope things blow over soon and he can finally have some peace#anyway. rant over! 💋#raquel speaks
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This is an impossible desire, because of survivorship bias, but I detect in most popular Christian thought we are presented with an implicit, sometimes explicit, suggestion that if we surrender to God, amazing things will happen. They point to Hebrews 11 and other famous passages, the Gospel of John’s promise that Jesus offers us life “to the fullest” and that that life starts now and not later.
For the last several years I’ve countered this with the second half of Hebrews 11, which is to say, well yes sometimes God uses people for amazing things, but God also allows very terrible things to happen to people.
But now I think the piece that I have never had shown to me, that I now realize is my own fate, is that it is very possible that God will have what feels like absolutely nothing at all for you to do.
“Many are called, but few are chosen.” I’ve thought about this through the lens of salvation for most of my life, but it occurs to me that it can relate just to the monotony of our earthy existence.
Gideon gathered thousands of Israelites for his army—when he told those who were afraid to leave, ten thousand Israelites remained, willing to face death. God sent away nine thousand seven hundred of those volunteers.
#Ivan you know it is about God and not you#I think it is just hard to internalize year after year our true insignificance#I mean#I don’t know#I am an unusually bad person#I never meet other Christians who appear to have any struggle with any of this at all#they are all just fully surrendered and content with literally anything that comes their way#I must not be a Christian at all#God I wish I had never lived#I feel like it would be one thing if someone loved me#you know?#and when I say loved I mean#I wish there was someone to whom I am not a terrible disappointment#I wish someone just liked me and liked having me around#who seemed like they understood and resonated#weren’t sighing and frowning whenever I spoke#or whatever it is#but Ivan why can’t you just be better and then maybe people would like having you around#I keep trying to embrace having a quiet and pointless life but…#I guess my commitment is just insufficient#I am too willing to abandon it#people keep telling me what a waste of my abilities that would be but you know#I could try harder to ignore those people#I just fear that if I embrace a life of quiet pointlessness#just like…if I had stayed a draftsman or whatever#stopped thinking about things and so on#I would die and God would say but Ivan look at all the proclivities I gave you#to engage with life in these ways and why did you ignore all that? People told you to follow those impulses and you did not?#and I would say God#I knew thee that thou wert an hard man
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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#i carried a printout of this around with me in my bag as a teenager bc i was a big dork#to be clear it was the pumpkins of whom i was such a fan and not billy specifically#besides being a terribly obnoxious cringelord going through a christian phase he was also terrifically up his own ass about his bad poetry#and he was always being a dick about/to people who use drugs which is a very bad look imo so i was not exactly a billy fan#so i don't know why this stupid thing was so important to me#i think i was grieving the fact that all my favorite bands broke up before i was old enough to see them live but who knows#tbh i think teenage reasoning is mostly a mystery to everyone. no one can explain their thought process from age 15.#even current 15 year olds seem to be pretty clueless and generally at the mercy of their own brains#when i think of being 15 i recall a lot of chaos and confusion and a vague but constant rage toward everything in general#but picses iscariot does rock. those songs hold up and so does gish. just sayin.#this has been a boring post about some shit i liked too much as a teenager that i bet you wish you'd just ignored at this point#follow for more boring content about my personal life likely to make you reevaluate the ways in which you spend your time#pastlife#smashing pumpkins
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the way I've spent the better part of this year trying to still remain friendly with people without becoming jokerified by the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) ways in which they treat me differently 🫥
#had my yearly hangout with my oldest friend (who now lives across the country) and was like wow this is so nice because like.#she is straight & she knows I'm not but it's not a topic of conversation like ever. and that's really refreshing in a way#bc she doesn't need to know the minutiae of everything in order to determine how she should be treating me lol.#this makes it sound like the people I know are all terrible and like. they're not but they're definitely much more identitarian than I'm#comfortable with & they don't realize the extent to which this comes across and the cumulative effect is maddening. but I hesitate to bitch#about it because I don't want it to seem like baseless moaning. anyway. when I finally find my people it's over for everyone
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Don't know exactly how to express this in words but the Fast Car Tracy Chapman youtube comments section is a new emotion on its own
#i was going to take a screenshot of one comment but i just kept scrolling down and almost all of them were just affecting me#like i closed my eyes and listened to the song but scrolling through what people all over the world had to say was something as well#just the mix of appreciation for the music and love for it and how it affects all these people mixed with snippets of stories of#people using this song to get them through or inspire them to get themselves out of terrible situations#its just... things that make you feel human#its like this is a persons story. these are people we are all people and come from different places and have gone through different things#but we can all relate and feel the same. no matter where we come from we can feel the wish to escape the want to be somebody the desire to#change and the hope to do so. but theres also the fear and the responsibility and through all of that just wanting someone to love you and#go with you and not be alone#its just things that are real and true and make you feel how much of a person you are#i 100% recommend listening to fast car on youtube right now and then scrolling through and reading some of those messages by the way#its a whole other emotion of its own#its like the fast car tracy chapman emotion but more and even realer if that is even possible#its like one commenter said the song was a novel in five minutes but listening and then reading is even more than that. its not a book its#not a library its all these stories and lives around you coming together with your own in this one spot this one means of understanding and#through that you see part of all these journeys and these people and all understand each other and yourself and what it means to be a person#a little more#that seems like a lot of stuff but i dont know what to tell you. its true.
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