#it seems I have fainted
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UMMM—
#carlos sainz#carlos sainz jr#williams racing#f1#formula 1#formula one#williams f1#someone help me up#it seems I have fainted#he is SO fine
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Hetalia World Stars ★ Gangsta (Chapter 4) English Translation! A longer chapter this time! It seems the first round is concluded and the next match begins next week. This was such a cool chapter!
#hetalia scanlations#hetalia#hetalia world stars#hetalia gangsta#hetalia official manga#hws italy#hws germany#hws france#hws japan#hws america#hws england#hws russia#hws china#hetalia translations#FRANCE WAS SO COOL I ALMOST FAINTED...#But really the ones I'm most afraid of is America and Italy#they seem to be the ones who actually have something up their sleeve#I LOVE THIS NEW SMART ITALY SO MUCH!!
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(Realizes that the most common transman experiences perfectly align with my life and feelings about myself and fascinations and who I want to be with) Ohhhh Okay i am fucked
#I do really wish i could just snap my fingers and pilot a cisman's body around#Rather than go through the crucible of visibly transitioning. it seems like a waste to do it when the times are so awful.#I honestly still doubt myself so much but#I can only do so many years of Why are you perceiving me as a woman#Before the shit starts getting real#People really just dont take you fucking seriously. Like even at this point where im at now i still dont know if im quote unquote valid#Because maybe its just a feminist issue and the misogyny is rampant#But an emotional sensitive defensive anxious reactive woman is what i am seen as. Somehow.#When I have gone lengths to ensure that even those close to me do not see a hint of my unchained emotional reality. Just really beats it in#I am entirely logical when I describe my experiences to my family. Clinical and detatched and intentional. And they think i am to be coddle#All the fucking time. Exhausting. I don't want that. I want to come to mutual understanding. Not to beg for emotional attention.#Thats the only thing that ever visibly cracks me. Being horribly misunderstood and taken out of context. Logical self defense being denied.#And being full of estrogen just reinforces that shit. Im a frustration crier. If I had testosterone maybe it wouldnt prove people right.#When you bite back as a woman you are just a bitch.#My fear is that I will be an emotional transgender man that wants to be coddled. I am afraid it will be worse to be that.#I really do just want to be able to live and work and be taken seriously when I say what I mean and what my mind is like.#I want a chance at life. I feel like I'm seen as a hapless girl. Damaged and begging to be freed of all responsibility#No bitch I want to move out and actively build a life for myself and RAISE MYSELF! after years of being misunderstood and alone#And also i want to do homosexual war reenactments with another man or something i dont know i just wish it could be me#Maybe ill just donate blood and faint again#Anyway. Joker. Society. I am the joker#Who wanna reply and tell me if im a valid transman or not. I get chest dysphoria when i have proper posture.#I get ass and hip dysphoria.#Low key having a bangin body as a woman though confuses me still bc maybe i just like being hot more than i gaf about transitioning#It reeeeeally helps that my face has an impeccable T zone. Its kind of masc as hell.
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I want Shadow Milk Cookie to have a perfect child syndrome.
"But doesn't Raspberry/Creme Brulle Cookie already have that-" Okay. well- then i want him to have a musicman syndrome.
#metroman from megamind#he seems so#reserved? in his previous form?#whats the word#poise? mature? disciplined? well-mannered#while it's possible he did it for fun#i need him to feel pressured in some way#have a breaking point. or not#just a faint reason to start it all#what started out as a mere piece of dust spreaded like mold to wildfire#the desire. to break perfection#the desire. just to go against what you want me to be#out of spite? maybe. but maybe also just for fun#he could be “tee hee well i'm bored so i did this”#but i want him to feel “i hate this i hate this stop STOP STOP”#till its like “wait... i can make it stop.. myself.”#he is a lot smarter than he makes himself out to be#but i think that's on purpose. whether to fool others or to just please himself#free himself from his imaginary chains of others or something#i didn't mean to put this in a big wall of tags#shadow milk cookie#oh yea and i also headcannon that he feels the presence of the audience#you#like wally from welcome home#or deadpool#eyes and being able to exist in a different lane i mean#dark side of the moon
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today i bring you random tma doodles. tomorrow? who knows.......
#just me and my shitty sketchbook against the world it seems#i cant draw on my mac bc it doesnt have pen pressure bc it was made in like 2001 :(#idk if ive told the story of my shitty mac on this blog but basically:#a few years ago my cousin was like dumpster diving?? or smth?? and she found this old 2001 ish mac#so she fixed it up for me and gave it to me for my birthday#its too old to work with my tablet fully so it doesnt support pen pressure and slowly over the years its been degrading more and morw#now google freaks out if i try to visit any page that isnt my email and i cant get any other search engine to work lol#it also starts chugging when i have too many pngs in my files and gets hot enough to burn when i make too many layers in firealpaca#oh also i cant get anything other than firealpaca to work on my mac#its like having an old horse that you still make work on the farm despite the fact that it faints from heat exaustion all the time-#-and sometimes doesnt wake up the first few times you call its name. but you dont want to put it down and it refuses to die of old age#my art#doodles#tma#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#jonmartin#melanie king#i love you melanie!!!!!!!!!!!! she own my heart!!!!!!!!!#georgie barker#do they have a ship name#basira hussain#not my best basira but its so small in my sketchbook lol
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I have no idea if it's available anywhere any longer but Bea was on a episode of Soap (Susan Harris's show before Golden Girls) and ok. You HAVE to at least Google this because because her outfit is incredible. A+ costume design. Her hair and makeup is gorgeous too. Also because she played a guardian angel / God's administrative assistant in Heaven??????
ooohhhhh anon…. I have seen 🫠 allow me to bless the rest of you (who may not have seen) with the lesbian dream that is Bea Arthur in Soap:
youtube
&&&& i was able to find a clip!! oh my goodness !!!!!!
#excuse me while I faint#that outfit …. lord have mercy#anon thank you for reminding me of this I do think about her in soap at least once a week#at LEAST.#i stumbled across pictures once while scrolling on Pinterest and have not been the same since#oh Bea Arthur you were everything#she truly was an angel that casting was no accident#rosemary is such a sweet name too ahhh 😭 I have to draw her !!!!#bea arthur#asks#i can’t seem to find this show (or the full ep) anywhere… turning rosemary into my oc as we speak#<- im like half joking
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My klapollo vision is two messy idiots. They argue literally all the time. They’ve broken up twice for the span of like one or two weeks and both times they were both wrecks. Apollo is the cheapest man to live, he learned to sew so he wouldn’t have to buy new clothes. Klavier is a millionaire paying for a luxury apartment he never actually uses with a fucking grand piano he doesn’t know how to play. They argue about where they want to go for lunch. They can NEVER get married because they’ll never agree on what to do for the wedding.
#Klavier is a guy who is hard to characterize. people always seem to make him too nice.#no. he is a diva. he doesn't want to be lowkey.#he wants literally the most extra wedding ever and it makes apollo want to faint#also important to note Klavier was more visually a wreck than Apollo when they've broken up but Apollo was not able to do ANYTHING#an absolute mental MESS#important to note they are also very sweet with each other but they're like an old couple.#them bickering is so important to me#Klavier resorting to calling Apollo 'Forehead' when he's annoyed#klapollo#ALSO I CAN NEVER IMAGINE THEM HAVING KIDS#they're literally not built for that#apollo is a fucking nervous wreck he doesn't deserve that
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(Going insane boinkinh one AU in my head)
Hey hey hey
May I interest you in
(Slowly slides my FaaF AU towards you but void just Disappears without a trace one day before the accolade)
Teehee
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#i love this au very yummy. a very fun twist on how Flower's dynamic with their parents would progress afterwards#the vessels live but the void exits their bodies in quite a violent manner (extreme pain and literally throwing up an entire person worth of#void). Flower was on guard duty and theyre found barely conscious in a pool of rapidly evaporating void. passes out seconds later#PK also had the displeasure of experiencing extene pain and burning as void forced its way out through his skin <3 And his moulds all melted#and evaporated. after the initial shock wears off theyre hit with “Oh No#the vessel“ and rush to find them. Well somebody else was already looking for the royal pair about this#Flower wakes up dazed and in pain in their father's workshop. their stomach hurts their throat burns and they feel lightheaded. the entire#place is considerably brighter than they remember and in they can hear two faint voices in the background but theyre too preoccupied with#examining their now pure white hand in shock to focus on anything else. until they hear their mother say “My wyrm they're awake” and#suddenly their parents are by their side. Now the two have no idea what void leaving their body might have done to them. Are they still#hollow? are they still dead? do they understand anything are they sentient? or was what was done pernament even without the void? do they#have the mind of a child if their sentience was restored? or do they remember anything? So WL stays by their side and helps them sit up#while their father goes to grab his tools. She's trying to keep them calm and comfort them but theyre still too disoriented to pay her much#attention. Until their father checks their breathing and they yelp audibly from the cool metal contacting their skin and suddenly they seem#much more alert. theyve never experienced true coldness before. PK quickly apologises and tries to be gentler with them. Theyre breathing#properly and they have a heartbeat. And he just pauses for a long while just. listening to their heart beating. Many emotions to be had#after the exam's over he asks them point blank how theyre feeling. And Flower looks up at him still seeming a little disoriented. and then#they lower their hand to their stomach and mutter 'My tummy hurts...a-and my throat burns'. It's to be expected after the way the void#left their body. so he goes to grab them some water and meds and they also ask for food and a mirror. And after he returns they just stare#at themself in the mirror and pull on their bangs for a while then blurt out 'I have your eyes' when PK asks if everything's okay. And he#and he almost chokes up as he replies 'Yeah...Yeah you do'. Flower eventually spins a lie that they remember everything but its all distant#and blurry. Like they were not aware until now. They figured it'd be better to not break their hearts#And now the three have to figure out how to be a family while PK is also scrambling to find a new solution to the infection#oops i meant to only give a brief rundown in the tags which is why it was in the tags. but i got too invested KDHDKFB
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I just need you all Arcane fans to know that
Christian Linke
who's writing and producing the show was actually a member of one of my favorite bands
They were so good and sadly very underrated (and also got played big time by their label)
They played German Nu Metal and were called Panik
Can't begin to describe how damn happy I am for him that he made it to this now
And yes, somewhere I still have a photo of him and lil emo me from one of the concerts 😅
(they not only got totally screwed over by their label but also unfortunately emerged almost at the same time as Tokio Hotel did so they got labeled as that teenie boy band which wasn't exactly good for them)
Anyway to this day I revisit their music and really just needed you all to know that lore 😂
#christian linke#Panik#Panik band#Arcane#I saw them live 3 times#Well 2 times#Cause the second time one of the band members fainted so the concert was called off#Man they really ate so much shit back then#Two ex members of that band actually had a podcast where they talked about everything#And while we knew some things other things we didn't and yeah#Man I'm just soooo glad they all seem to have a good life now#Though I don't even know where two of them are around now 😅#But the two with the podcast are doing well too#And Linke is just#I'm so incredibly happy for him#Honestly
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*hugs*
thank you 🥲
#I know how I'm gonna vote#our current constituency's representative is at least competent and more left than some others#so he'll get my first vote and hopefully will stay#(germany has a two vote system)#(first vote is for your constituency's representative)#(second vote decides how many seats each party gets in the end)#(so that's overall the more important one)#also I have the faint hope that some christians over here will split from the cdu and vote left (probably spd)#a new... higher up church guy (for lack of a better word lmao) is openly gay#and the church people here seem to generally advocate for empathy and and against... recent politics#so maybe fewer votes for the right and far-right parties?#one has to hope#an ask!#enbeemagical
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oh my god the siggi thoughts just keep coming tonight. more under the cut 😅
siggi has always been observant, ever since her parents started teaching her in the ways of leadership and negotiation when her father named her his heir. that, and her brothers have both always been terrible at masking their true emotions. it takes her all of one glance at erik when he returns back to beamfleot late one night after escorting aethelflaed somewhere to know something has changed.
she corners him and drags him into a dark corner before he can protest her. immediately she questions him, and at the look in his eyes she suddenly understands. grabbing his chin, she squints up at him before simply staring in shock.
“you care for her,” she says, hand still hovering between them. “erik, she is our prisoner. she is the christian king’s daughter.”
“i know!” he bats her hand away, before running both hands through his hair. “i know.”
siggi jabs him in the chest, demanding to know everything, but erik refuses and storms off into the night. he avoids her for days, until uhtred and the others arrive to negotiate for aethelflaed’s release.
after feasting with siegfried, and tormenting aethelread (much to finan’s reluctant delight), she finds erik stewing on the ramparts.
siggi makes one smart comment about the bargains made, and erik folds. he tells her everything. and siggi, after barely any hesitation, agrees to help him and aethelflaed escape. erik was always her favourite of her two brothers, and even she can see how frayed and infested with greed Siegfried has become. happiness has been so rare and fleeting for all of them in recent years, and more than anything she wishes her brother to be content.
#txt#ch: siggi#I’m sorry this is getting out of hand#but I’ve just rewatched the entirety of s2 and am having so so many thoughts and feelings and emotions#also the idea of siggi and finan sitting only a few chairs apart during the feast#siggi is mostly occupied with throwing barbs at aethelread until he near bursts with anger#the whole time remaining calm with a faint smirk#and it’s the first time finan has really looked at her - every other encounter there has been no reason for him to#no time#but he looks at siggi down the table with her piercing silver blue eyes and hair spun in elaborate braids#and cannot help himself but snicker behind his tankard as she mocks the mercians#I think finan is one of the first people to see her cunning and intelligence fully in that moment too#and not just as the sister to erik and siegfried#she is his enemy of course but I think he respects her - especially given how well she’s exisiting in a man’s world#she seems so at ease in beamfleot and maybe it’s just her status but he thinks it’s more than that#she’s smart and confident and it niggles at finan#anyway fuck I should tag them#siggi x finan
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its really funny talking to ppl irl about universities because if you mention any semi-rural school so many people invariably are like ‘oh would you be okay there its kind of a small town..’ yeah man i used to live in a town with an entire 1900 people i think ill be okay in an 80k city
#lowkey even that 1900 figure seems big… it felt like there were like 300 ppl maybe#this isn’t necessarily about the school im going to altho people HAVE said this to me#i hear this like. all the time with lots of schools#my guidance counsellor said this about memorial… like okay nfld isnt for the faint of heart but be real
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Hoping to be normal at the function today
#me when I see my childhood friend again and I try to make it seem like I have my life together#when in reality I am sitting in the flames of my own destruction <3#also I don’t eat much dim sum but I want to try more things from there#but the thing is that the last time I ate dim sum I also fainted at my friend’s birthday celebration at a restaurant so now#I have a negative memory associated with it and I’m like nooo I need to try more things!!!#augh idk I try to ignore it#my posts
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i am once again apologizing for my lack of activity/responsiveness
my childhood cat passed away a few days ago which has just been more stuff on top of everything else for me to deal with to stress me out and upset me
i'll try to get back to stuff. Eventually. as soon as i can</3
#mar.txt#still very much upset about losing him，but it's kind of faded for numbness now#still not holding up great though especially considering how sudden it was#he was all fine and healthy and then just suddenly started to rapidly go downhill and within like. two days he was gone#he was so weak. couldn't move almost at all，his meows were barely just meow-sounding exhales. the last two things he did were#getting my attention so i would come to him，then attempted to crawl onto my lap and despite me being less than a foot away he couldn't make#it. so i brought him onto my bed on my lap with me. and then at some point later after another sudden onset of diarrhea (which seemed to#take absolutely all of his remaining strength) and i'd brought him back to my bed after cleaning the poop off of him he got my attention to#move his head so he could look up at me. and that's how he passed. looking up at me.#despite everything，he was purring. so weak and faint i could hardly feel it，but. he was purring，maybe until the moment he finally passed.#he was obviously suffering. and we couldn't afford to get someone to put him down so we just did what we could for him.#i'm glad that，at least，he was happy in his final moments. he wanted to be with me and i'm glad i could give him that. i HAD needed to go out#that day but i opted to stay home because i was worried he'd pass while i was gone. sure enough if i had gone out he would have.#i'm glad i could give him the comfort and company he wanted in his final moments. i'm glad i made him happy enough in them to purr even#despite how weak he was. i'm glad he didn't pass alone and possibly in pain.#ive lost a lot of pets in my life. but amos? he's only like. three years younger than me? we practically grew up together. ive known him his#entire life. no amount of being told it hurts to lose a childhood pet will ever compare to the reality of it happening.#i buried him outside my window. so he's close to home.#vent post? i guess?
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as a general rule, on average, if americans consistently complain about a food being conceptually weird, gross, and scary, then it probably tastes amazing. or at least inoffensive.
this is because in my experience americans for the most part (give or take a few exceptions by region) think eating literally anything other than beef, chicken, bread, eggs, peanut butter jelly sandwitches, ketchup, and disgusting cloyingly artificial brown sludge soda is insurmountably weird, gross, and scary.
#a lot of people literally refuse to even eat ham or pork#not even for like religious or health reasons#just because they think eating anything but beef and chicken is 'weird and scary and gross'#every time i hear people going on en masse about how 'weird and an acquired taste' something foreign is i go and try it and i'm just like#what the fuck were all of you smoking. where is the unbearable weirdness i am supposed to be experiencing#shoutout to that time i kept hearing about how bizarre a flavor milkis soda is and how intimidating and acquired of a taste#then when i actually try the stuff. it's just fucking peach soda. it's peach soda with a faint tangy yogurtish taste. it makes good floats.#how in the absolute fuck is anything even remotely weird much less gross about this?#unless your concept of what a 'soda' should be is poisoned by a lifetime of the entire soda aisle being filled with nothing but brown sludg#from the same 3 brands that all taste like what would happen if they could distill the concept of diabetes and artificial flavoring syrup#i don't know if other countries have this but there's this weird cultural like mandatory rejection of any 'unusual' food here#way more intense than i've seen from anyone from any other country (though that might just be inexperience with other cultures talking)#people react to the mere suggestion of any food outside a very narrow range with outright disgust and genuine fear and horror#and there's a huge amount of unspoken peer pressure on everyone to also do the same#like you're expected to agree with them and you've breeched some sort of silent social contract if you don't#it's seen as *immoral* almost it feels like#it's difficult to describe unless you've noticed it yourself#americans react to the mere suggestion of eating anything outside of the same 2 meats and handful of fillers the same way#that pearl-clutching aristocrat grandmas react to hearing that people in foreign countries do.. basically anything#it doesnt matter if you're suggesting eating ube cake or suggesting eating live bugs because people will react the same way#everything that's not chicken/beef/ect is as good as bugs to people here#hate this stupid blandass country and how impossible it is to afford any food other than burgers if you're not rich#or blessed with relatives that have any idea how to cook and are at all willing to teach you#cause nother weird thing i've noticed about food culture-or at least wasp food culture-that i haven't seen anywhere else quite the same way#is that if you DO have any relatives that know how to cook then nine times out of ten they will jealously guard their recipes like a dragon#and refuse to share them with anyone#thus taking whatever little cooking knowledge was in the family to their grave#so the opportunity other people usually have for family bonding via passing on recipes? pffft no.#for some reason we seem to actively go out of our way to prevent these things from being passed on#i don't know what the fuck is up with that but i suspect it has something to do with 50's dinner party oneupmanship
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#struggling big time with questions of likability and popularity and school environments and social environments in general#and what it means and just feeling faint and sick at heart about it all right now#in many ways this 5th year has kind of …. idk solidified things at school for me? and also solidified my reputation#but with not flying under the radar anymore and not being someone that people can write off anymore#comes a whole host of new problems#and weights and difficulties#and I don’t know. there’s a wrestling I always feel internally between my (very great) desire to be liked#and my desire to be a good and fair teacher apart from that#and the ways that I fail#and then there’s other people’s insecurities opinions and jealousies#to contend with. such as they are. and then there’s just the way that I feel on the inside most of the time#which is actually not loved or liked at all! there is a deep loneliness in my soul#kind of always. but especially lately#but it’s contradictory to what it seems#I also just LIKE flying under the radar while also being someone who is drawn to occupying a space to speak#and be heard from#and it’s just all a lot and I am so very tired#idk just having some Friday night venting. it was a very tough week. I am tired and I am sad#I also for real just need to cry
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