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gyuswhore · 1 year ago

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the story of us ✦ j.w.w x reader

the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now - the story of us

synopsis: So many walls that you can't break through; except you do.

wc: 2.1K

contains: best friends to lovers, angst, fluff, humour, happy ending, alcohol, arguments

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[a/n]: im exhausted, im loopy, im hungry, but i really wanted to post this so here you go my babies I'm sorry i haven't fed you in so long (ty @toruro for making sure i wasn't talking out of my ass in this ily)

[edit; 11/04/24]: grammar and spelling.

Jeon Wonwoo was nearing boiling point when he watched you push him away from yet another conversation.

He tried to understand, just like he always had. But it was proving near impossible at the five-month mark.

There were clear signs you exhibited when you needed space, for whatever reason, Wonwoo knew you would tell him when you recovered. So he gave you what you needed.

And yet, when he finds himself pushed away from what looks like a casual conversation between your mutual friends, he finds his mild annoyance grow into something hotter.

There’s a clench in his jaw as he tries not to squeeze the red cup in his hand with too much pressure, even when all the spiteful bit of his brain wants to do is to pour its pigmented contents all over your cream outfit. He manages to control himself, choosing to get up and exit the premises entirely. In complete silence, he refuses to acknowledge any yell of his name from passing acquaintances.

Jeon Wonwoo refused to respond to any of your advances after that.

Invitations to lunch were left on a jarring sent, the notification sitting in his log until he chooses to open it too late. His response was bare when you asked for help on some accounting concepts, pushing you over into Jihoon’s hands to fulfill your requirements. There’s a blatant shrug when you touch his shoulder, concerned, asking why his behaviour had become so distant in the past weeks; he responds with a mumble of, “just tired”.

The great divide happened a few days proceeding your birthday, one for which Wonwoo did nothing for but send you a quick message during the evening, never to see you throughout the extended day.

“I can’t believe you’re putting this on me!” you all but yell, eyes wide and expression exasperated at the situation.

“Are you blind? Or just plain stupid? Because I didn’t tolerate months of your shit attitude to have you say it isn’t your fault.” Wonwoo is breathing heavily, hands motioning towards your entire figure with equal disbelief.

“What attitude?” you emphasize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know I couldn’t be upfront with my best friend.”

“There’s a difference between being in a mood and blatant disrespect. I’m tired of having to put up with your mood swings like it’s my responsibility to coddle you. When was the last time you genuinely asked me how I was doing?”

“All the time!”

“Yeah, after you realize there's nobody else to whine and wail to!”

“Wonwoo, you’re being ridiculous.”

“Fine. If I’m clearly so unhinged, I’ll leave you to your liking.”

The dwindled interactions, from messages to hellos, went from sparing to nonexistent — just like that.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t expect for you and Wonwoo to reconcile in the matter of a few days, if not a couple weeks.

But when the distance did nothing but grow larger, there was a settle of resentment in the pit of your stomach as you accepted the feud you were in.

A text was sent from your phone a couple days after the incident.

[You]: can we talk?

But when you see no sign of the grey Delivered on the end, you knew he had blocked you.

This was all nothing less than baffling to you for a number of reasons, starting with how you had never witnessed Wowoo acting this way.

Wonwoo had done nothing but reprimand you the rare chance you suggested blocking an apprehensive individual, something about not showing that you cared. His voice seemed redundant after a certain decibel, the rarest chance to witness him yell at a failed video game or a frustrating professor.

You know better, which is the only reason you’re ruling off paranormal possession.

The claims against you came as an afterthought, not, however, rendering them any less strange. There’s a part of you that pondered if your shield of annoyance blocked you from seeing the truth in his words and in your behaviour, finding yourself overwhelmed with emotions when the thought crossed your mind, tears of frustration immediately blurring your vision.

You did not understand, you could not. And when it all got too much, you allowed the hurt and confusion to turn into something more dangerous. You replaced it with anger, in the same place that once occupied a more delicate emotion.

There was an uproar in Wonwoo’s mind when he sees you walk into the lecture hall, unaware of your overlapping schedule in the new semester. He watches as your eyes pass over the moderately packed space, briefly glancing over where he sat; if you saw him, you did nothing to bring a reaction out of it. You take a seat a few rows up front, right in front of him where he’s able to see the back of your head for the next two hours — for the rest of the semester.

He wonders if it’s too late to switch classes.

“Wonwoo, I honestly think this is getting out of hand.” Jihoon munches on his cashews, leaning against bark of the tree they were both sat under.

“Did you want me to keep tending to her bullshit then?” he grumbles.

“That’s not what I’m saying, you know it’s not.”

“That’s what it sounds like.” Wonwoo’s retort is brisk.

Jihoon is suddenly snapping his fingers in his face at the reply, a flinch accompanies Wonwoo’s already sour expression.

“See! See how frustrating it is when somebody isn’t making sense?”

“How does this—”

“Wonwoo, did you try talking to her about how you felt, you know, without the screaming?”

Jihoon watches as Wonwoo’s expression clears out, his eyebrows unfurrowing and the scowl fading. He doesn’t speak, choosing to let the realization kick in.

“No.”

Jihoon sighs, taking another pause. “I’m not saying what she did wasn’t uncalled for, but you need to talk shit out before deciding you hate each other.”

“I don’t hate her.”

“Right, so can we wrap this up quickly and have you confess your undying love so we can all relax.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Heat crawls up Wonwoo’s cheeks.

“What? If you don’t hate her, it’s gotta be the opposite.”

Did Wonwoo like you? Yeah, he probably did. Did he ever let himself ponder upon it? No, because he was downright mortified of the mere thought. He finds himself a hypocrite to say it was to preserve your friendship, but he figures he’s fucked it up in a way that’s arguably worse.

Regardless, Wonwoo walks away from that conversation with two things: a stark realization, and an even starker admittance.

Everything was going wrong. At least that’s what it felt like when you hear the clang of your water bottle hit the pavement, rolling off into the oncoming traffic as you sprint to grab it. You nearly cause a vehicle pile-up, swallowing a couple profanities from braking drivers.

You’re stuffing the darn thing into your bag when you trip on a loose brick on the path, nearly landing on your face. The glare you send into the pavement costs you even more when a hard shoulder bumps into your side, sending you another couple steps back. You don’t bother to see who the perpetrator is, too preoccupied with your attempts to take in deeper breaths amid the blankness of your mind.

There are no hiccups after that, what you might owe your more conscious mind to. Stomping up the library steps, you thank nothingness for the air conditioning that meets your hot face, slowing down as you take in the crowd.

Scanning the room for an empty seat is harder than you’d anticipated, hoping the heat would keep students away from the building as you left to get work done. Approaching a table, you set down your bag with a huff, pulling the chair out to finally take the seat you’ve been needing for so long.

The universe seems to have other plans.

It’s almost funny the way you and Wonwoo make eye contact across the other table, the recognition sending a jolt through your stomach.

You’ve never moved so fast, pushing the chair back in with a screech that earns you a few looks, grabbing the handles of your bag as you turn around to leave the building you’d just entered.

No way you'd sit there. Not when he was around.

You're bounding down the steps when somebody passes you, murmuring something without slowing their stride.

“I’m leaving, you can go inside,” Wonwoo says, and the sound of his voice has you halting almost immediately.

Whipping your head around to search for the sound, you watch as he takes a turn at the end of the steps, slowly moving out of your vision.

There’s a swirl of something in your chest, and you realise in that moment how much you missed hearing his voice.

Chiding yourself, you blink back the water that wells up in your eyes, embarrassed at how quickly you were losing yourself.

But the damage was done. And you wanted to be reckless, regardless of how desperate it made you look. A split second decision is made in that moment, one that lightens the heavy feet that you’ve planted on the concrete.

You’re back to bounding down the steps, but this time with aim.

Taking the same turn you saw Wonwoo take, you break into a sprint as you see his figure move farther away. You keep running, continuing to bump into both objects and people, hurried "sorry"'s the only thing you choose to throw their way.

“Wonwoo!” Your voice comes out stronger than you’d intended, the sharpness having him turn around in search, eyes landing on your accelerating figure.

Both of you realize too late how fast you’re really going, the velocity taking you directly into his outstretched arms, hands grasping the sleeves of his shirt as you come to screeching stop directly into his chest.

You don’t have the time nor the patience to be embarrassed, pulling your face back to look directly into Wonwoo’s bewildered eyes to huff out your next words.

“Why did you block me?” you ask, voice gruff and slightly out of breath.

Wonwoo’s mouth opens and closes like a fish, words refusing to come out.

“Why are you so mad at me? Why are you being nice to me if you’re mad at me?” You don’t stop, the direct questions tumbling off your tongue in desperation.

You search his face for an answer when his mouth fails, but all you find is the remnants of shock yet to ebb away.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t important, I’m sorry for taking your presence for granted, I’m sorry for hurting you, I’m sorry for…for… I don’t know! I’m just really sorry and I don't know how else to make this right.”

“I’m sorry, too,” you hear him say and you feel the moisture return to your eyes.

“Huh?”

“I should’ve…” he pauses, looking sheepish. “I should’ve talked to you before I, y’know, went off on you. I should’ve managed my feelings better, I’m sorry.”

You're silent for a few tantalizing moments before you raise your fists, and pound down on his chest with everything you have. You do it again, and then again, and again—

“What?- Ow!”

“When are you gonna stop bottling up your feelings for fucks sake, it’s landed you everywhere but good!” you say, nearly yelling.

Wonwoo whips his head around to see who’s listening, palm to mouth in attempts to silence you.

“I’m sorry! I know! I’m working on it,” he rambles, trying to get you to quit struggling. “Jihoon and I talked, that’s why I realised I was being dumb.”

“Are you gonna unblock me now or do I need to pay Jihoon to sit down with you again?”

Wonwoo’s eyebrows furrow. “You payed Jihoon to sit with me?”

“No, you idiot. But I should have because you can’t seem to figure out how to feel emotions.”

Wonwoo can’t help himself when he breaks out into a grin, letting out a breathy chuckle that has you asking “What?”.

He pulls you in, heart to heart in an embrace, holding you tight to make up for the weeks of no contact. He breathes in your scent and feels as though he hasn’t in years.

“I’m not gonna come running up to you the next time you decide you hate me,” you mumble into his shoulder, pouting slightly.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“No.” Wonwoo pulls away but keeps you in his arms, looking at you, “I love you. Like, the kind of stuff that makes you wanna live together forever. I love you.”

It’s your turn to gape like a fish.

“W-what?”

“You told me not to bottle up my feelings.”

“Yeah, but—wow, um.”

“Did I make another mistake?”

No! You wanted to scream. But you don’t. You instead lift your hands up to come around his face, cradling it. And you kissed him.

“I love you, too. Like the live together forever kind.”

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thatmexisaurusrex · 2 months ago

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I think what really gets me is what the show is telling us through that breakup. That's what hurts the most.

It's that a queer person who's sad, who's alone, who's never had a stable family life; a queer person who's only gotten to a point where they're happy with who they are later in life; a queer person who yearns for a family, for love, for being someone's first choice but doesn't believe he can ever have those things; a queer person who has obviously been burned and believes that is the only outcome for him now; that no one would want him as family. That no one would love him enough to choose him first.

He walks out that door.

Alone. Scared. Spiraling. Reacting to trauma rather than Buck himself. It's seeing that and having the show tell us, yes, that's what he deserves. That's all he gets. He doesn't get a happy ending. He doesn't get good closure. He doesn't get to believe that someone wants him enough to fight for him.

Tommy was right all along.

All his fears were true and will be what he ends up with. Older queer people who want families and are scarred by their own past experiences don't get love or a family. They don't get a place to call home.

Then, you have Buck; Buck blindsided by the trauma; Buck seeing his entire six-month relationship fall apart and just letting it happen to himself again. Having yet another person in his life, in a moment of cowardice and pain, quietly and brokenly lash out that he couldn't believe Buck would actually take this seriously; that he couldn't believe that Buck would love him once the pedestal was gone and the shininess wore off. That, once again, Buck lets his relationship play out without any idea of how to be active in it. That someone Buck loves, that he thought about possibly marriage with one day, that he wants to live with, leaves him.

That Buck, once again, is abandoned.

That Buck can't know himself.

That the show wants to lean into lazy biphobic ideas and tell us, yes, that's what Buck deserves. The thriving relationship that he had crumbles within minutes because Buck doesn't get to be happy; how can he know what happiness is if he isn't playing the field? Because nothing he did before Tommy counted. Buck 1.0 didn't count. None of his previous relationships counted. Because they were all ladies, and how can you know if you've only been with one man?

Telling the audience that you can't be happy in a relationship if it's somehow a "first", despite everything pointing to the relationship being solid and good for Buck.

It is the worst possible scenario.

It is a nightmare for both Buck and Tommy.

Both messages are terrible for the audience.

There were so many ways they could have broken up and I would have been fine with it. I've talked about it before, but I was fine with Josh and Arnold breaking up in Please Like Me and I still love the show. I watched episodes with Josh and Arnold from Please Like Me as a comfort when I was reeling about this that first night! I was fine with Alexis and Ted breaking up on Schitt's Creek and I was still fine with the show. I was okay with Amelia and Kai breaking up and I'm still watching Grey's Anatomy. Because all of those breakups were understandable. They made sense. I can like couples and be okay with them not working out. And they're fictional. Fictional shit rarely hurts me, if ever. That's not my problem at all here.

It's how this happened. It's the message it signals to the audience. It's devastating. I'm still devastated by the choice. I've never felt this way about a breakup for two characters ever. The core of my grief and genuine hurt is what the show proves it believes in through this breakup. And that's what's hurt me.

#bucktommy #911 abc #911 spoilers #evan buckley #tommy kinard #i'm still reeling #because of the implications #because of what they want to tell the audience #and all of that is what is hurting me

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lovenonymously · 8 months ago

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the importance of well-written stories

watching Lovely Runner was like watching 4 K-dramas at once lol

well-written stories are so rare, you only understand that when you watch something exceptional. something unique. a once in a lifetime experience of watching it for the very first time.

this show gave me so many feelings. in truth, it was an experience. I'm glad I put aside my fear of sad endings and watched as it aired. for once, I took the leap and discovered that's exactly what this drama wanted me to learn.

usually, after finishing really good K-dramas or stories in general, I hit a slump where I cannot function. everything feels dull and boring. a different kind of grief at realising this was just fictional.

but not this time.

all I feel is light and happy. like I'm floating. I want to carry this feeling and runaway. I want to remember how this felt and hold onto it when I get down or get bad days.

lifetimes lived.

Sol was sunlight. bright and unwavering and unforgettable. 💛

living vicariously through Im Sol, from feeling her pain in the beginning to her sunny hope that Sun Jae gave her. all her struggles as she jumped through various lifetimes, loved and lived and loved again. crying with her, laughing with her, rooting for her despite all odds. it was a journey.

beyond her love for Sun Jae, Sol's choices changed her family's life too. they were less hurt and much happier in the future she helped them create. even giving her grandmother a chance to return to the past and relive her fondest memories.

Sun Jae was midnight rain. the comfort of a sudden shower in the middle of summer. 💙

apart from being a complete loser in love, Sun Jae was in love with Sol for a total accumulated time of 45 years.

yep. my reaction exactly ^

I won't lie, when they pulled the "he fell first" trope in Episode 2, I was wary. one, because if the writers were willing to pull such a twist in just the second episode, then who knew what else was in store for us? my guess was pretty spot on, the twists that followed had me gasping and yelling out loud. this show was unpredictable from beginning to end.

and two, because I was worried that Sun Jae's character might get reduced to just him being in love with Im Sol.

in that case, I'm glad to say,

I was completely wrong.

despite Sun Jae's love for Im Sol, he had a grounded personality of his own. whether it was OG Sun Jae (ep 1), who lived in the guilt of what happened to the girl he loved, or Timeline 3 Sun Jae (ep 15), who never fell in love at all, he was positive, kind, decisive and striving to live.

and i love that about him.

for two characters whose stories are so deeply interwoven together, having shaped aspects of each other's lives, Sol and Sun Jae displayed their unique traits exceptionally well as individuals.

I cannot emphasize how happy this makes me. Sun Jae is his own person, Sol is her own person, and they are destined to be together. beyond their desperation for each other's safety and well-being, Sol and Sun Jae are genuinely good people who deserved to be together. even fate and time bent to their will to make it happen.

"As you wait for the rain to stop, live another day."

when a story makes you feel happy, hold onto that feeling. bottle it up. write it down. come back to it on the days the world feels against you and when the times feel too bleak.

fictional though it is, for what it's worth, at least the story exists. it means there are still people out there writing and bringing such stories to life. it means artists and creators like you and I haven't yet forgotten what it's supposed to be like to live. it means there are still people who connect to such stories and learn good things from it.

and as you wait for more such great stories, live another day. perhaps, if you get bored, write the story you want to read.

in the end, it's quite simple.

as for me, I'll be here. crying, laughing, screaming, giggling and kicking my feet while being up to my eyes in second-hand embarrassment (because goodness, these two idiots are COMPLETE LOSERS IN LOVE) throughout these past 8 weeks was the highlight of my year �� I will always remember that I watched a beautiful modern fairytale romance in the summer of '24 that reminded me that I was young and full of love to give.

good stories truly do make a difference 🤍

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togglesbloggle · 18 days ago

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What to Watch at the End

I've been happy to run in to a couple pieces of media back-to-back over the last week or so- plenty of down time, since I have that bug that's going around. They make pretty interesting companion pieces to one another, actually. With the end of the world so close now, we're starting to get a bit more genuinely thoughtful art about the subject, stuff you really can't say until you have this kind of vantage point.

They are The Power Fantasy (written by Kieron Gillen), an early-days ongoing comic of the 'deconstructing superheroes' type, and Pantheon (created by Craig Silverstein), one of those direct-to-streaming shows that get no marketing and inevitably fade away quickly; this one's an adult cartoon with two eight-episode seasons, adapted from some Ken Liu short stories, with a complete and satisfying ending. I'll put in a cut from here; targeted spoilers won't occur, but I'll be talking about theme and subject matter as well as a few specific plot beats, so you won't be entirely fresh if you read on.

Pantheon is a solid, if wobbly, stab at singularity fiction, with more of a focus on uploaded intelligence than purely synthetic (though both come in to play). It's about two-thirds YA to start, declining to about one-fifth by the end. The Power Fantasy, by contrast, is an examination of superpowers through a geopolitical lens that compares them to nuclear states; I'm not as good a judge of comics over all (particularly unfinished comics), but this one seems very high quality to me.

The intersection of the Venn Diagram of these two shows is the problem of power, and in particular the challenges of a human race handing off the baton to the entities that supersede it. They're both willing to radically change the world in response to the emergence of new forces; none of them even try to 'add up to normal' or preserve the global status quo. Both reckon with megadeath events.

I'm a... fairly specific mix of values and ethical stances, so I'm well used to seeing (and enjoying!) art and media that advance moral conclusions I don't agree with on a deep level. I used to joke that Big Hero Six was the only big-budget movie of its decade that actually captured some of my real values without compromise. (I don't think it's quite that bad, actually, I was being dramatic, but it's pretty close.)

Pantheon was a really interesting watch before I figured out what it was doing, because it felt like it was constantly dancing on the edge of either being one of those rare stories, or of utterly countermanding it with annoying pablum. It wasn't really until the second or third episode that I figured out why- it's a Socratic dialogue, a narrative producing a kind of dialectical Singularity.

The show maintains a complex array of philosophies and points of view, and makes sure that all of them get about as fair a shake as it can. This means, if you're me, then certain characters are going to confidently assert some really annoying pro-death claims and even conspire to kill uploaded loved ones for transparently bad reasons. If you're not me, you'll find someone just as annoying from another direction, I'm sure of it. Everybody has an ally in this show, and everybody has an enemy, and every point of view both causes and solves critical problems for the world.

For example, the thing simply does not decide whether an uploaded person is 'the same as' the original or a copy without the original essence; when one man is uploaded, his daughter continues thinking of him as her dad, and his wife declares herself widowed, and both choices are given gravitas and dignity. He, himself, isn't sure.

This isn't something you see in fiction hardly at all- the last time I can think of was Terra Ignota, though this show lacks that story's gem-cut perfection. It's that beautiful kind of art where almost nobody is evil, and almost everything is broken. And something a little bit magical happens when you do this, even imperfectly, because the resulting narrative doesn't live in any single one of their moral universes; it emerges from all of them, complexly and much weirder than a single simplistic point of view would have it. And they have to commit to the bit, because the importance of dialogue is the core, actual theme and moral center of this show.

The part of rationalism I've always been least comfortable with has been its monomania, the desire to sculpt one perfect system and then subject all of reality to it. This becomes doomerism very quickly; in short order, rationalists notice 'out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made', and then conclude that we're all very definitely going to die, once the singleton infinite-power system takes over, because it too will be flawed. (e.g. this joking-not-joking post by Big Yud.)

And don't get me wrong, I do take that concern seriously. I don't think I can conclusively, definitely convince myself that rationalism is wrong on this point, not to a degree of confidence that lets me ignore that risk. I don't at all begrudge the people devoting their entire professional lives to avoiding that outcome, even though I don't take it as given or even as particularly likely myself.

But it is precisely that monomania that is the central villain of this show, if it even has one. Breakdowns in dialogue, the assertion of unilateral control, conquering the world for its own good. The future, this show says, is multipolar, and we get there together or not at all.

That's a tremendously beautiful message, and a tremendously important one. I do wish it was more convincing.

The Power Fantasy works, quite hard, to build believably compassionate personalities into the fabric of its narrative. It doesn't take easy ways out, it doesn't give destroy-the-world levels of power to madmen or fools. Much like Pantheon, it gives voice to multiple, considered, and profoundly beautiful philosophies of life. Its protagonists have (sometimes quite serious) flaws, but only in the sense that some of the best among us have flaws; one of them is, more or less literally, an angel.

And that's why the slow, grinding story of slow, grinding doom is so effective and so powerful.

In a way that Pantheon does not, TPF reckons with the actual, specific analysis of escalation towards total destruction. Instead of elevating dialogue to the level of the sacred, it explores the actual limits and tendencies of that dialogue. It shows, again and again, how those good-faith negotiations are simply and tragically not quite good enough, with every new development dragging the world just an inch closer to the brink, making peace just a little bit more impossible. Those compassionate, wise superpowers are trapped in a nightmare that's slowly constricting around them, and they're compassionate and wise enough to know exactly what that means while remaining entirely unable to stop it.

It's most directly and obviously telling a story about the cold war, of course, not about artificial intelligence per se. The 'atomics' of TPF are just X-Men with the serial numbers filed off, and are therefore not constructed artifacts the way that uploaded and synthetic minds are; there's some nod to an 'superpowers arms race' in the AI sense of the term, but it's not a core theme. But these are still 'more than human' in important ways, with several of the characters qualifying directly as superintelligences in one way or another.

The story isn't complete (just getting started, really), so I don't want to speak too authoritatively about its theme or conclusions. But it's safe to say that the moral universe it lives in isn't a comfortable one. Echoing rationalists, the comic opens with an arresting line of dialogue: "The ethical thing to do, of course, would be to conquer the world."

In his excellent book Superintelligence, Nick Bostrom discusses multipolarity somewhat, and takes a rather dim view of it. He sees no hope for good outcomes that way, and argues that it will likely be extremely unstable. In other words, it has the ability to cloud the math, for a little while but it's ultimately just a transitional phase before we reach some kind of universal subordination to a single system.

The Power Fantasy describes such a situation, where six well-intentioned individuals are trying to share the world with one another, and shows beat-by-beat how they fail.

Pantheon cheats outrageously to make its optimism work- close relationships between just the right people, shackles on the superintelligences in just the right degree, lucky breaks at just the right time. It also has, I think, a rather more vague understanding of the principles at play (though it's delightfully faithful to the nerd culture in other ways; there's constant nods to Lain and Ghost in the Shell, including some genuinely funny sight gags, and I'm pretty sure one of the hacker characters is literally using the same brand of mouse as me).

TPF doesn't always show its work, lots of the story is told in fragments through flashbacks and nonlinear fragments. But what it shows, it shows precisely and without compromise or vagueness. It does what it can to stake you to the wall with iron spikes, no wiggle room, no flexibility.

But all the same, there's an odd problem, right? We survived the Cold War.

TPF would argue (I suspect) that we survived because the system collapsed to a singleton- the United States emerged as the sole superpower, with the Pax Americana reigning over the world undisputed for much of the last forty years. There were only two rivals, not six, and when one went, the game functionally ended.

In other words, to have a future, we need a Sovereign.

So let me go further back- the conspicuous tendency of biospheres to involve complex ecosystems with no 'dominant' organism. Sure, certain adaptations radiate quickly outward; sometimes killing and displacing much of what came before. But nature simply gives us no prior record of successful singletons emerging from competitive and dynamic environments, ever. Not even humans, not even if you count our collective species as one individual; we're making progress, but Malaria and other such diseases still prey on us, outside our control for now.

TPF would argue, I suspect, that there's a degree of power at which this stops being true- the power to annihilate the world outright, which has not yet been achieved but will be soon.

But that, I think, has not yet been shown to my satisfaction.

Obligate singleton outcomes are a far, far more novel claim than their proponents traditionally accept, and I think the burden of proof must be much higher than simply having a good argument for why it ought to be true. A model isn't enough; models are useful, not true. I'm hungry for evidence, and fictional evidence doesn't count.

It's an interesting problem, even with the consequences looming so profoundly across our collective horizon right now. TPF feels correct-as-in-precise, the way that economists and game theorists are precise. But economics and game theory are not inductive sciences; they are models, theories, arguments, deductions. They're not observations, and not to be trusted as empirical observations are trusted. Pantheon asserts again and again the power of dialogue and communication, trusts the multipolar world. And that's where my moral and analytical instincts lie too, at least to some degree. I concern myself with deep time, and deep time is endlessly, beautifully plural. But Pantheon doesn't have the rigor to back that up- this is hope, not deduction, and quite reckless in its way. Trying to implement dialectical approaches in anything like a formal system has led to colossal tragedy, again and again.

One narrative is ruthlessly rigorous and logically potent, but persistently unable to account for the real world as I've seen it. The other is vague, imprecise, overconfident, and utterly beautiful, and feels in a deep way like a continuation of the reality that I find all around me- but only feels. Both are challenging, in their way.

It's a bit scary, to be this uncertain about something this consequential. This is a question around which so much pivots- the answer to the Drake paradox, the nature of the world-to-come, the permanence of death. But I simply don't know.

#All told I think this is a pretty good post for somebody with a 102 degree fever #but I do apologize if there's any glaring evidence that I had a 102 degree fever while I was writing it #might have to go back and addendum it some later #if any such emerges

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galadrieljones · 6 months ago

Note

i actually wonder why you ship daryl and beth? i see them as friends and yeah i watched their scenes over and over and i didn’t see any love between them. And i see beth younger than him and i see daryl see her as a friend and sister So what is your reasons to ship them anyway!?

I'm going to assume this question is in good faith and that you are genuinely interested in why I (and many others) ship bethyl, so I'll answer in good (albeit cautious) faith. I'm also going to tag some of my friends and mutuals at the end who I would like to encourage to share why they, personally, ship bethyl.

First, know that I don't care if people don't ship bethyl. I also am not beholden to shipping "canon" ships. I don't care about any of that, and I think it's boring to restrict one's interest in shipping to what is canon or what the fandom accepts. You're free not to ship bethyl, and I won't be mad. That's your choice!!

BUT, since you're here of your own volition, realize that I personally don't buy the bethyl bond as "sibling-coded" argument at all lol. I can understand if someone just doesn't want them to be together, because they want Daryl to be with another character or something. That's fine and perfectly rational. I can also understand if someone does not like age difference ships, and they reject it on those grounds alone. Okay! That's your preference. BUT, Beth was 18 by the events of "Still." And the argument that they share a "sibling-coded" bond has never held water for me. Believe me when I say that I can see the argument for C*ryl before I can see the argument for Daryl and Beth being "sibling-coded," and that's saying a LOT. I've literally never had anyone successfully explain this perception to me using actual evidence from the show or from the actors/showrunners outside the show. It is ALWAYS subjective. And when confronted with evidence of a bethyl romance, these same people tend to just invoke their *age difference* as if that, in and of itself, is a dealbreaker.

IMPORTANT: It's NOT a dealbreaker, but some people in fandom these days mistake personal preference for moral paradigm, and these people tend to be very judgmental and to screech a lot and to spread rumors and to bully others. The same exact thing is happening to Neggie. But I'm not going to get into that right now.

Now, you say you don't see how they could possibly be "romantic." Of course, that's totally fine, but you will need to try and explain this to thousands of people lol. I am actually not super interested in going through, in detail, why I ship bethyl from a defensive position. I'm very sick of defending something that is, frankly, entirely unproblematic and also...popular! Other than Rickyl (which is a non-canon slash ship), Bethyl, even ten years after her exit from the flagship, is still the most popular TWD ship on AO3. It was popular at the time that the show aired. Jeffrey Dean Morgan's wife ships bethyl lol. Bethyl is not "weird." It's not even a rare pair!

AND YET, to put so briefly, if you *actually* care: I PERSONALLY love bethyl because I believe their characters exist in beautiful harmony. Beth is an artist. Her priority is beauty and continuously discovering what it means to live. She believes in the goodness of people. She is a religious character who has faith in God's love. She is, as Norman put it a long time ago, like a little light at the end of the tunnel for Daryl. She reminds Daryl of what it means to live, what it means to trust people and to have faith. She protects him from his own demons and reconnects him to the beauty that remains in a dying, horrific world. Daryl tends to forget about his own well-being and his own happiness. He prioritizes brute survival, because he was taught to do this over many years of emotional and physical abuse as a child. He is "used to things being ugly" and he frequently blames himself for things that go wrong. He closes himself off to others because he has a difficult time trusting that they won't abandon him or die. At the moonshine shack, Beth confronts him on this, and he confronts her right back. Beth isn't used to being challenged by men. But he challenges her to be better and to face her own insecurities as well. He makes her stronger. She pries open his heart. At the moonshine shack, she physically grabs him to remind him that he is still alive, and that everyone they've lost was once alive, too, and that just because they might be dead now, that's not his fault. The two of them still alive, while others are dead, that's not his fault, and there is still goodness in the world and things worth living for.

Speaking of physical touch, you really should rewatch "Alone" if you want to understand the physical and romantic chemistry between Beth and Daryl. There is literally so much that I could go through, but I don't have time lol.

The moment I fell in love with bethyl was actually in "30 Days Without an Accident," when Beth embraces Daryl in such a way that reassures him that he is not alone in a desperately lonely situation. Both characters are battling demons in this scene. But it's somewhat subtextual. If you don't watch closely, you may miss it.

That said, as has been established, a LOT of people did NOT miss it lol. It's just that a lot of people also want Daryl to be with someone else, or they feel the need to moralize on the internet. Neither one of those things is relevant to me, though I accept them as realities.

Anyway, I hope this helps! ->

@sasusc @frangipanilove @twdmusicboxmystery @pipergirl17 @sweetz1919

@emsee22 @drewmoll03 @bookqueenrules @bethiscomingsoon

@angelthefirst1 @bethgreeneprevails @im-immortal @rose-andthe-thorn @wdway @boltthrutheheart

and anyone else, I know I've forgotten some people 😩. I just went off the top of my head, so please chime in on why you love bethyl, or feel free to completely ignore this ❤️

#bethyl #bethyl positivity #beth greene #this isn't even a TD post #lol #you don't have to be a TDer to ship bethyl #🫶🏻

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ohbother2 · 6 months ago

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Hi everyone,

I know it's been ages and some of you have probably seen this notification and have hoped that this means the fics on this page will be updating, however, I've got some bad news.

This blog was a joint account between two friends who loved creating silly stories of some of our favourite characters in our free time and gushing over character details with one another. Beyond tragically, my friend, the co-runner of this account, passed away a few months ago. Obviously, I'm keeping the details private, but it was sudden and unexpected.

I know this is a shock to all of you, and not what you were expecting to hear after such a long hiatus. Understandably, I've not been active on tumblr, particularly this account, since. It's felt incredibly wrong to login to this blog and even attempt to re-read some of the stuff posted or your comments/tags, especially without her to talk to about all your lovely messages. She really did love reading them, and we'd call for hours to laugh and talk about your kind messages.

Although I acted as what you'd call the 'face' of this account, actually posting, reblogging, commenting and following others, she was integral to the heart of this account, to the ideas and writing and editing that made this account what it is, and I don't want to continue posting heacannons/one-shots/any kind of creative writing on this blog without her. This was our passion-project, and a massive chunk of it is now missing.

I just wanted to let you guys know what the situation with this blog is and why, and I wanted to give a massive thank you from both of us for being the most supportive, kind-hearted, and tight-knit community we'd ever had or seen on Tumblr before. The fact we even had fan-art made of our writing goes to show how dedicated and incredibly talented this fandom is, how supportive and just genuinely excited everyone is to hype each other up and lift each other and appreciate all our passions. It's genuinely insane, and so rare in modern internet spaces.

Regarding the future of this account, because I don't want to leave unfinished fics floating around the website, and for personal reasons, I will be transferring all fics/one-shots over to AO3, marking them as incomplete, and 'orphaning' them. I've really debated this decision, and I believe it's the one she'd be most happy with. I'm just giving you guys fair warning, I'll wait a few weeks before I actually do anything. I don't know if I'll delete this blog, I'm rather attached, but I won't be active for a while.

Probably most importantly, if anyone wants to take our ideas or our unfinished fics/one-shots and complete them/edit the story/adapt our head-cannons/incorporate them into your own fics, please do. I think it'd be nice to inspire and help other fic writers, and see the ideas carried on in whatever way you guys choose. Everything on this account is effectively 'orphaned' already, so feel free to do whatever you want with it :).

This is getting long, but I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who sent in requests, funny comments, little anecdotes, and witty one-liners into our messages/asks, both that we did and didn't respond to, especially lately. We planned to do a great return to this blog after our exams responding to them all/clogging up your feeds. Someone even called us their 'favourite niche internet micro celebrity', and we both found it hilarious.

There's no gofundme or anything like that set up. Sometimes, things just don't go as we plan and there's nothing we can do. If I've learnt anything from this godawful situation, it's that you should do whatever you want as soon as possible. Don't wait to join that club. don't wait to take that trip, don't wait to watch that show, don't wait to visit friends or family, don't wait to begin doing a hobby that you think you'll love. Anything can happen, and the only time we know that we have for certain is now. (Master Uguay was right in Kung Fu Panda after all).

I won't be active for a while, but I'll check in to see how this post is doing now and again, and I'll probably post again just before I begin taking things down.

Thank you guys, and I hope you don't dwell on this post too long.

#yep #still don't know how to end this #thank you all again #for anyone who wants to know im doing fine thank you #grief is a funny thing #but things get easier #and people keep living

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skinnybritishdudes · 5 months ago

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Having heard George talk so much and in such depth about his love for the show, his process, his interpretation of Edwin and his affection for him makes the idea of cancellation (I am not giving up yet) hurt extra. It's in the specifics, you know. There's that-actor-I-like-must-be-sad, and then there's having watched hours of Facetime-y videos where he talks about your favorite thing like it's his favorite thing, too. I would've been heartbroken for him anyway, but it's definitely sharper than it would've been without the Cameo Era. Honestly I just wish there was somebody I could yell at about it. It's not fair!

At the same time, holy shit am I thrilled that he got to read all those messages. He seemed genuinely surprised at how much attention people paid to the specifics of his performance and of the character, and every little detail of the show. He said in my last cameo that it felt good for him to see how invested in the show fans were because he was so invested in it, and I think that exchange was a rare and wonderful experience on both sides: for him to get the chance to know how much the show mattered to so many and that people really saw and appreciated his work, and for us to get to ask our questions and get such detailed and thoughtful answers from this sincere, unaffected young artist. Honestly, I've been in a lot of fandoms over a lot of years and this is by far my favorite thing that's ever happened in one. What an unexpected and unlikely treat.

He also said the week of Cameos felt like really getting something out of all that he'd put in to the show. So if this is the end for DBD after all, goddamn am I glad he decided to do that fundraiser. I'm so happy he was able to raise so much for a cause so dear to him, and I'm over the moon that he peeked his head in and let us tell him how great he is for that moment, too.

#maybe it hurts worse for us but takes the sting out a little for him #I'd be ok with that #dead boy detectives #george rexstrew #sappy bitch on main

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sourcherryandsprinkles · 2 years ago

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hey can you do prompt 22 for chad please? hope ur okay!🤍

‘’What are you doing?’’ ‘’Drawing stars around your scars.’’

I'm so happy someone picked one of my favorite lines from the list <3 Do you get the reference?

my taglists are here + you can requests (currently closed) here at any time

—

You were sitting on Chad’s bed in your night clothes, waiting for your boyfriend to join you and watch a movie on his laptop. The end of semester rush was approaching and you wanted to spend as much time together before the beginning of the madness, hence why you were sleeping at his dorm tonight.

It was only your third time sleeping over, but your and Chad's relationship was fairly new. At least officially. You and him had been dancing around each other, flirting and sharing kisses at parties for months.

Although your feelings for each other were obvious, Chad was hesitant to take the relationship to the next level. He would constantly push you away when things would get too personal. Initially, you thought it was a commitment issue, but as you got to know him more, you came to the conclusion that maybe something had happened in his past and made him untrusty of people and reluctant to let anyone close.

Lucky for him, you were patient. And very much into him.

‘’You have practice early tomorrow morning. Are you sure this is okay?’’

Chad laughed fondly, moving around in the dorm. ‘’It’s only 8pm. We’re nowhere near my bedtime.’’

You played with the corner of his fuzzy blanket, not letting go. ‘’I just don’t want to disturb your routine by keeping you awake for longer than you should. I’d feel so bad if you were tired tomorrow because of me.’’

Shaking his head, Chad walked over to you, dropping a kiss to your lips. ‘’There’s two hours before I need to go to bed. That’s plenty of time.’’ He went over to the nightstand and plugged his phone. ‘’Besides, I’m probably gonna fall asleep during the movie,’’ he confessed, feeling the weight of his day.

Then, he fell on the twin-sized bed beside you without a care, causing the bedframe and mattress to squeak under his weight. College furnitures are not the strongest.

‘’What movie did you pick?’’ Chad reached for the laptop, the movement causing his shorts to ride up his thigh, exposing a part of his past.

‘’What’s that?’’ you asked with furrowed eyebrows, seeing a pinkish scar on the inside of his right thigh.

You weren’t particularly looking there. It just caught your eye.

The light mood shifted as Chad tensed, visibly uncomfortable at the mention of his scar. He quickly pulled the covers over his legs, hiding them from your view.

‘’I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked,’’ you apologized, genuinely feeling bad for bringing it up.

You should have known not to ask about the scar. People rarely want to talk about them as they are most of the time related to something you would like to forget.

Before the Woodsboro attacks, Chad was confident about his body. He liked to show off his toned chest and strong biceps on every given occasion. But now that seven scars decorated it, he preferred to cover it — either with a shirt or makeup he had stolen from Mindy.

He was tempted to lie and say he got it when he was little, but the truth was too big and important to be covered by a fake childhood story.

Chad drew a breath, about to reveal something that would stun you. ‘’Have you heard of the masked killer murders last year in Woodsboro?’’

You nodded, having seen some articles online about it.

‘’I…I was one of the victims. The doctors said it was a miracle I survived my injuries.’’

‘’Injuries? As in plural?’’

He nodded in turn. ‘’There's more on my stomach.''

You furrowed your eyebrows, not remembering seeing any scars there.

Chad read your expression and reached for the back of his collar to pull his shirt off.

Your eyes fell to his collarbones and pecs, then his stomach, which was indeed mauled with six pinkish scars. They were healed, but the raised texture indicated that they weren't that old. You gently brushed your finger over the lines.

‘’Do they still hurt?’’ you asked, flicking your gaze up.

Much to Chad’s relief, there was zero ounce of pity in them.

‘’No. But sometimes I have dreams about that night and I can feel the knife stabbing me…’’

The dark confession made your heart ache.

You got up and went to your backpack where all your overnight stuff was, leaving a confused Chad behind. You grabbed an eyeliner pencil from your makeup bag and returned to the bed.

‘’Lay down.’’

Chad’s frown deepened, but he did as told. ‘’What are you doing?’’

You brought the pencil to his dark skin and began doodling. ‘’Drawing stars around your scars.’’

—

Scream taglist: @misfityanii @beautybyfire @iluvscream191 @mariposa555 @bella7866 @o638 @lulubelle14 @luvvtxinityy @frasersgf @Eddiefrickenmunson @jasperr-the-friendly-ghost @ghostf4cee @thesebitcheslovesosadotcom @wandaswigglywoos @xjennyx2 @jennasslut @thatonesblog

All and more taglist: @spiokybirdstarfish @kenqki @liidiaaag @hawkegfs @gillybear17 @areaderinlove @acornacreacure @black-rose-29 @fudge13 @cece05 @rosie-cameron @Caxddce @laylasbunbunny @gemofthenight @beautyb1ade @hi-bored-as-fcuk-rn @lovelyy-moonlight @mellabella101 @vxnity713

#chad meeks martin imagine #chad meeks martin x reader #chad meeks martin #chad meeks x reader #scream 6 imagines #scream 6 #chad meeks martin x you

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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 6 months ago

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tuesday again 7/16/2024

how your backyard hurricane go, the houston area? pretty good it doesn't seem

to be clear other than losing everything in my fridge and developing some mold around the windowframes IM personally fine and so are the girls and so is the lair. we lost power sunday afternoon and got it back friday morning (upside down smiley emoji x16)

listening

THREE CANONICALLY BISEXUAL CLUB BANGERS!!! also, trying out a new thing with spotify and youtube videos for songs bc my readership is about 70/30 and i want to streamline the process of actually listening to new music for ppl. it must be really annoying this week but that's bc there's three songs. sorry. it will rarely be this long

anyway.

ANXIETY by Lilyisthatyou is new to me, off the spotify autogenerated dance playlist. a chiller groove in the spelling-things-out genre of dance music. VERY flashy-lights music vid fyi

Why do I feel so alone? Does it show That I'm dancing to fill the void with pretty girls and pretty boys?

youtube

i know about kesha's joyride bc i happen to be an alive queer woman. im SO happy kesha is also alive and making music more regularly. this one is canonically bisexual bc kesha is bisexual. also a really flashy-lights lyric video. the most classically recession-pop/early KESHA sound of all three tuesdaysongs this week. im always fascinated when an accordion shows up.

Rev my engine ’til you make it purr Keep it kinky, but I come first Beep-beep, bitch, I'm outside Get in, loser, for the joyride

youtube

thank u new releases spotify playlist. also canonically bisexual bc the singer is, also an early KESHA feel but she is a metal artist first and foremost. very fun to headbang to at a stop light. i don't totally Love how it's an emasculating song but given how dudes in the metal scene generally are? i think she should make it more emasculating actually

Take you down a peg (And peg and peg and peg) If you're a macho man then beg (And beg and beg and beg) Bend you over the bed (The bed the bed the bed) It's time to take you down a peg (And peg and peg and peg)

youtube

reading

fun fact i still haven't seen this movie. i got this from the library the day before the hurricane proper and it gave me a really lovely two hours of not thinking about the active hurricane the day after. enormous format photographs! full-length shots of every look! ithe little personal notes from each designer were so fun to read, and i think this genuinely healed my heart a little. everyone was so excited to go into detail about what choices they made and what inspired them, and even though i would have loved more specific construction details, specific fiber types, and full-length shots of the Back of every look, i recognize i am a freak.

watching

watched a truly bonkers assortment of films at my bestie's house this week. her husband is big into godzilla and i sat down not really paying attention or planning to pay attention to Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024, dir. Wingard) but found myself actually paying attention. i unfortunately was a character i hate, Person Who Stops The Movie Halfway Through To Demand A Recap. loved these guys, whatever the fuck they were

the most fun thing about this movie is that it is not a silent film but it acts like one. there are long, long stretches of movie without dialogue bc all the political action is happening between a bunch of giant monkeys. this is going to sound like im damning it with faint praise but they really thought carefully about directorial and artistic choices here! there was a vision and they executed it! it's fun to look at and not just because there's a big monkey in most of the shots!

playing

got a look at characters for the new fire-themed land coming up this fall. ppl are understandably big mad that the land is based on Ring of Fire cultures and everyone is paper-white. i think it is correct to be mad and ask them to do better, and they have tweaked designs before release before, however, i don't think this will bring about a sea change in gacha games.

i am rolling along clearing out map markers and achievement hunting and my GOD are there a lot of time-gated achievements in inazuma (electricity-themed legally-not-japan). so so so many of them i originally got halfway through or did 1/5 and then wandered off bc i didn't realize there was a quest or achievement locked behind doing something for three or five days in a row. i now have a post-it on the corner of my monitor with nine different things i have to keep checking in on this week. please someone give me a REAL JOB!!!!!!

making

cross stitch progress. this was the only thing i did last week aside from shake like a chihuahua and sleep. very slow going! may have to ship the package off to my brother with an IOU bc it is already stressfully late.

made the bean influencer soup (creamy miso coconut butter beans). i made a batch before the hurricane last week so most of my notes are from then. the grocery did not have canned butter beans so i made the same thing (big lima beans) from dry. i have not made beans from dry since i was very small. these beans were so large, so pale, so aggressive.

changes: i was able to find a little carton of straight coconut cream at the grocery but they were out of miso paste. i did have miso soup mix and plopped that in. i also used frozen spinch bc it’s cheaper and i felt better about it than the somewhat questionable fresh spinch on offer. also used two onions instead of one and a hearty dollop of minced jarred garlic bc who do u think i even fucking am. i would have loved to use fresh dill, bc i did plant some and it was growing very well, but the caterpillars were very intense and ate almost everything on my balcony.

going in the rotation! im making it AGAIN as im typing up this post! pretty cheap, very tasty, i don't regularly keep butter beans or coconut cream in my pantry but that can change!

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem #Youtube #Spotify

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eyes-of-metal · 2 months ago

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Who wants to be lonely?

Eric Singer X OC

Plot: Angelica has never been kissed before but a certain KISS drummer comes along and changes that.

I step outside, taking a deep breath. Another year is just about over, and a new one will begin. This year has come with a lot of changes. I graduated from college and moved across the country. I wanted a fresh start, plus I got a good job here.

It's not like I was running; I have nothing to run from. I have no crazy ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. I've never had a boyfriend in all 25 years of my life. I know that's sad, but I've been trying to figure my life out, and it's hard to find someone when no one has the guts to come up to you.

I'm not one to force relationships. I’m not friendly, and I wouldn't say I like starting conversations because I’m naturally shy and a loner. So, if someone doesn't approach me, I probably won't approach them. I know this is a big part of the no-dates in my life, but I'm how I am, and I can't change that.

So, I accept that hand that's been dealt me and find other things that make me happy. I received it a long time ago, but at this point, it may never happen. I don't base my happiness on whether a guy shows interest in me or not; if I did, I would have killed myself ages ago.

Maybe this will be the year someone does. Who knows? I'm not holding my breath, and my year won’t be ruined if it doesn't happen, but it's nice to think it might be.

I sit on the top deck and look at the night sky. It's hard to see much with all the light pollution from Vegas and all the subdivisions around it, but it's still gorgeous.

I glance at my watch. It's a silver Cartier with diamonds. It was a graduation present from my parents since my degree is in Gemology. Now, I work grading diamonds and other gems for jewelry.

It’s 10 minutes till midnight. The party is behind me, back in the house, it's nothing crazy. It was just a New Year's get-together my Aunt Lisa and Uncle Bruce put together. They're mostly their friends, but they invited me since I'm new to Vegas, and since moving here, they've become like second parents to me.

I spend a lot of time here. It’s nice to hear Bruce’s stories about his KISS guitarist career long before I was born or when he met my aunt. I also love cooking with my aunt and having a place to go in those rare times when I want to be around someone else.

I hear the sound of the door glass door leading out here sliding open. I turn my head to see who it is. I wanted to be alone. So I hope someone is okay around. I don't like people I don't know.

It’s Eric. Eric Singer. He was the drummer in KISS until they retired a year ago. He played with Bruce near the end of his time with KISS, and they remained friends.

I've met Eric on a handful of occasions. A few dinners at Bruce and Lisa’s place. He's a nice guy; he can talk your ear off, but I don't mind. I’m not much of a talker, but I am a listener. He's talked my ear off about my watches and sports. We both are big sports fans.

We’re the only single ones at this party. It's interesting that he's not married or in a relationship. He's genuine; every time I've met him, he's been nice. He's got money, too and is a fascinating person.

Not to mention, he's in his mid-60s, but you'd never know it. He's aged tremendously and is very good-looking. On the looks front, the blonde, with a streak of grey he's got going on right now, suits him very well. Even though he's old enough to be my dad or grandpa, I know a hot man when I see one.

“Mind if I sit?” Eric asks me, pointing to the spot next to me.

“It’s okay,” I tell him to turn around and look into the yard again.

“What are you doing out here alone?” He asks as he takes a seat next to me on the stairs.

“I just wanted to be alone for a minute. Got to my limit of socializing.” admit, “What are you doing out here?”

“I had to escape before your aunt and uncle tried to find me some poor girl to kiss at midnight.” He tells me, “They do it every year.”

I laugh at that.

“So they like to try and play matchmaker for you?”

“Yeah, they’ve never tried that with you yet?” Eric asks me, “I’m the only one they choose to help? I don't know if I should be insulted or flattered.”

“No, but it's probably because they don't know many people in what they'd consider an appropriate age bracket.” I laugh.

“I think they’re running out of people to make me kiss on New Year's.” Eric jokes, “So it’s probably a good thing you got out of there; they might have asked you to do it.”

“Considering I've never kissed anyone before, you also dodged a bullet,” I tell him.

“You’ve never been kissed before?” Eric sounds shocked, which is the reaction I usually get when I tell people that.

“Yup.” I shrug it off.

“Really?” Eric says in total disbelief, “Are you saving yourself for marriage?”

“God, no.” I laugh, “I’d love to be kissed; it's hard when no one has even asked you out on a date.”

“You’ve never been on a date either?” Eric somehow sounds more shocked, maybe even a little outraged.

“How is that even possible?”

“I don't know how, but it is.” I shrug.

“You’re beautiful and like sports; what more could a man want?” Eric says he is still absolutely stunned by this whole thing.

“Someone outgoing, I guess,” I shrug, glancing at my watch again—two minutes till midnight.

“Well, it's their loss,” Eric tells me.

“Thanks,” I reply, “Two minutes till midnight; I guess you have escaped Bruce and Lisa tonight.”

Eric laughs at that.

“What if…” Eric is about to suggest something but cuts himself off.

“Never mind.”

“What if what?” I ask out of curiosity. This is the first time I've ever seen Eric stop himself from talking, so now I want to know what he was about to say.

“Well, I was going to ask you if you’d like me to kiss you, but then I remembered I'm an old man, and you'd probably not know who you’d want your first kiss to be with.” He confesses.

I’m shocked to the core. That was the last thing I expected to come out of his mouth. This is the first time anyone has shown a slight interest in me. He's probably just doing it to be nice because it’s New Year's Eve, but it’s still a first for me.

I have no idea what to say. Every part of me is screaming do it. I mean, the age gap doesn't bother me. As I said before, he's still a very handsome man. I’m comfortable with him, and he's a lovely guy. I could do way worse than him.

This could also be the only chance I get. I dislike being cynical, but it's been 25 years. Who knows if, at this rate, it will ever happen?

“You can kiss me if you want.” I tell him, I look at my watch again, “You have thirty seconds to decide.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.”

I can hear everyone inside counting down to ten inside. My heart beats hard against my chest as Eric gently moves my face so I face him. His hands are much softer than you'd imagine from a musician. I realize how lovely and blue his eyes are as we lock eyes.

I’m nervous. What if I mess this up? You don’t have any time to think about that right now, Jade.

3…2…1..

“Happy New Year,” Eric says as he leans in and touches his soft lips to mine.

I close my eyes, taking in the sensation. I don't know what to do; I don't know how to kiss back or if I should. I will go with my gut and lean into it, kissing him back, especially since I don't want this to stop. I like the feeling of this, of his lips on mine.

Eric doesn't pull back, and so do I, letting him lead. It feels all over as soon as it starts.

I'm speechless. I’m just processing all of that. That's not how I expected to start my new year, but I'm not mad about it. I want to kiss him again.

“Well, one good thing about this,” Eric cuts the silence between us, “You have nothing to compare it to, so you don’t know if I suck or not.”

“True.” I laugh, “but I thought it was great.”

“Good.” Eric says, “I didn't want your first kiss disappointing.”

“It wasn't.” I smile at him, “Thank you.”

“Oh, there you two are!” I hear my aunt's voice from behind me, making me jump.

I turn around to see her and Bruce standing in the doorway.

“Why are you two out here?” Bruce asks.

“Avoiding you two,” Eric tells him.

“It was going well, too.” I add, “Until now.”

“Well,” Lisa says, “Happy New Year guys.”

“Happy New Year.” I reply, and I think for once it might actually be a happy new year for me indeed.

#the bitchs fanfiction #kiss band fanfiction #Eric Singer fanfiction

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icycoldninja · 7 months ago

Note

Perhaps writing the DMC men catching the reader singing to herself when she thought that she was alone while hanging clothes out to dry

She’s not exactly shy but she’s not exactly bold either, just somewhere in between but for singing…deadass not wanting to sing anywhere publicly, which results in her awkwardly sitting in a karaoke booth with her frunk friends hyping her up and she’s just “-_-“

So when they said they’ll be out to get groceries or go on a mission, she takes this time to sing to herself:

1/ Dante: Would That I - Hozier

2/ Vergil: Brooklyn Baby - Lana Del Rey

3/ Nero: La Vie En Rose - Edith Paif

4/ V: I’m a fool to want you - Frank Sinatra

Yeah, OK. Here ya go.

Sparda boys + V x Singing!Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-Dante knew you were pretty closed off in terms of singing, as whenever he took you out for karaoke nights with the rest of the DMC crew, you would just sit in the booth, watching as he and probably Nero screamed their drunken heads off.

-He assured you just couldn't sing or were just too nervous to do it in front of others, and he respected that.

Then he happened to walk out on you singing to yourself while hanging up your laundry.

-"And it's not tonight Where I'm set alight And I blink in sight Of your blinding light Oh, it's not tonight Where you hold me tight Light the fire bright Oh, let it blaze, alright

Oh, but you're good to me Oh, you're good to me Oh, but you're good to me, baby"

-Dante was stunned to hear you could sing like this, and ended up stealthily following you outside when you did your laundry, just to hear you sing.

-At some point he couldn't control himself any longer and decided to sing along with you, nearly giving you a heart attack.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil was never one to be nosy, so if you choose not to sing around others, then that's your problem, and not his.

-He doesn't make any assumptions or anything about why you choose not to sing in public, because he genuinely doesn't care.

-He can't sing to save his life, but would sooner die than have you know that, so he'll keep his mouth shut.

-At one point he walked outside, where you were hanging up laundry, only to find you belting out some tunes.

-"Well, my boyfriend's in a band He plays guitar while I sing Lou Reed I've got feathers in my hair I get down to Beat poetry And my jazz collection's rare I can play most anything I'm a Brooklyn baby I'm a Brooklyn baby

Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da Ta-da-da-da-da-da-da Pa-ta-da-da-da-da"

-Vergil has to admit, he's impressed. He's not gonna follow you around to hear your singing, but he will leave the window open so he can quietly listen in without fear of getting caught.

□ Nero □

-Nero enjoyed singing himself, though he only ever showcased this ability when Dante dragged him out for a get-together with the others, where he would inevitably drink too much beer and lose his self control.

-He won't pressure you into doing something so potentially embarrassing, so whether you want to sing in front of him or not is entirely up to you.

-He is a little bit curious, however. Do you have a hidden talent that you're too nervous to show, or do you suck really bad?

-He happened to be taking a stroll outside when he caught wind of singing that wasn't coming from a pair of speakers. It was coming from a person, and that person was you, singing Edith Paif.

-"Des nuits d'amour à plus finir Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place Des ennuis, des chagrins s'effacent Heureux, heureux à en mourir"

(Translation from Google: Nights of endless love, a great happiness that takes its place. Troubles, sorrows fade away. Happy, happy to die)

-Nero didn't understand a word of what you were saying, but that didn't matter cause your voice was epic as hell.

● V ●

-V doesn't sing, since his voice isn't exactly made for that, but he would love to hear you sing.

-He is a tad bit disappointed that you don't want to sing, but everyone has their aversions and such, so he let it go.

-He happened to be passing by the open kitchen window, outside of which you were hanging up the laundry, and heard your singing for the first time.

-"I'm a fool to want you I'm a fool to want you To want a love that can't be true A love that's there for others too"

-V was pleasantly surprised that you'd decide to sing outside, doing such a mundane task, and was also quite happy since his wish had finally been granted.

-Since he happened to love the song you were singing, he couldn't help himself and began singing along, startling you with his raspy, mummy-with-a-sore-throat singing.

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br1ghtestlight · 1 year ago

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bob belcher is autistic and here's why!!

social difficulties. this one is pretty obvious bcuz one of bob's most important traits is how introverted and antisocial he is and how he doesn't like being around people (outside of family) or being forced to make conversation. he spends holidays cooking in the kitchen as an excuse to not have to talk to his in-laws and he's generally very socially awkward because its hard for him to read other people and he gets stressed out easily. when he DOES have people he wants to interact with socially he's anxious that he's doing something wrong and that he'll say something to make them hate them such as phone calls or when he's texting his dad friends ("just try not to be... how you are." "i always try to do that") and seems to have a hard time reading what other people think about him especially through text or knowing when he's being rude or hurtful (like that burger convention episode where he thought he made friends but everybody hated him and was talking behind his back bcuz he misread social signals) he also seems to have a hard time reading other people's body languages and emotions. he also HATES large gatherings and parties as stated in multiple episodes. he seems to calm down and decompress by being alone and focusing on doing his own thing

lack of emotional expression. very similar to tina bob has a monotone voice and lack of facial expression compared to his family members and other characters on the show. while he CAN express his emotions through voice he mostly says what he means or how he's feeling and expects other people to do the same. very rarely genuinely smiles etc (not because he isn't happy!!! it doesn't seem to come naturally to him most of the time)

hyperfixations on specific topics and interests. while obviously bob's main interest is cooking and anything related to the production and growing of food as seen in countless episodes (thanksgiving episodes especially and any episode where he's gardening or growing plants) he does have other hyperfixations too. big examples are CAKE in that one episode and how linda says that bob gets obsessed with "boring things" too like soap carving or that episode where he hyperfixated on the internet cucumber. when this happens he focuses all his energy on the topic and doesn't seem to care about much else as seen in the episode where he gets a juicer for christmas and throughout the episode he's either excited about different juicing combinations or complaining about how he can't use his juicier ("in my head i'm at home juicing right now") while forcing his family to drink his combinations. also that History Of Pepper book that he got super into. enjoys explaining this interests to other people whether or not they seem interested in what he's saying (like in that goddamn cucumber episode)

hyper empathy for and attachment to inanimate objects. this is a HUGE thing for bob as he's always seen talking to inanimate objects around him like food as he prepares it or his kitchen utensils. he uses this to express his feelings and talk through uncertain situations but he also seems to have real empathy and emotions towards them as seen in the episode where he gets into a fight with the turkey banister or when lance the turkey gets shot. he also gets very emotional when he has to work in a different kitchen and apologizes to his stove several times

sticking to routine and resistance to change. bob clearly values his routine at the restaurant with his burger of the day etc and his family seems to have a fairly consistent daily routine with dinner and watching tv afterwards every night. in the seaplane episode linda is upset because she thinks bob's dates are boring because he always wants to go back to the same boring/reliable places that he already knows that he likes vs wanting to try something new that he possibly won't enjoy which is VERY autistic tbh

taking things literally or having trouble with sarcasm. doesn't come up very often BUT in the pigeon episode when linda tells bob to give the pigeon a bath and so he takes a bath with it and she was like NO BOBBY IN THE SINK!!! and he's like i wouldn't fit in the sink? :( thats autism baby

burnout. bob tends to hyperfixate on his job and his love of cooking but if he does this for too long without taking a break it can lead to burnout where he's seen having trouble with running the restaurant and more sensitive/annoyed by other people talking to him so he needs to take a break even if he resists this at first. very autistic experience to Hyperfixate so hard you forget your basic needs and have trouble remembering to take care of yourself

struggles with motor control and following directions. this is a smaller symptom but bob is shown having trouble with tying even basic knots and has an inability to follow maps or written instructions which can be a symptom of autism/developmental disorders. also he has a stutter which similarly is often comorbid with developmental disabilities/speech disorders

occasionally struggles with eye contact (during parent-teacher interviews)

strong sense of justice. bob very clearly has strong emotional responses and a strong sense of justice in situations that he sees as unfair and can react strongly without thinking it through. problems w/ impulse control and high emotion

bob isn't shown stimming very often but similarly to tina i think he mostly has his vocal stims that he uses in stressful situations ("oh my god. oh my god") in the movie he can also be seen groaning for hours at a time and going almost completely nonverbal in a stressful situation much like tina does which means it is likely a trait that she inherited from bob. he also paces around and seems to be predisposed to having shutdowns in stressful situations or when he's very anxious

not directly related but bob seems to think that he's MUCH better at masking than he actually is and i think that's very funny. he's like nobody knows im autistic :) <- everybody knows that he is autistic

#not all these traits are exclusive to autism and not every autistic person has all of them (or even most of them) and there's ones #im not adding because they don't really apply to bob but yknow #bob belcher is autistic. u understand #txt #bob's burgers #bob belcher

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justanamesstuff · 2 years ago

Text

All I Need

Chapter 6

Matty Healy!dad x f!reader

A/N: SURPRISE! I was going to wait a few more days, but I want to stablish Sundays as 'publication day'. I'm really nervous about you guys reading this part...I haven't posted in almost a month!! Thanks again for all the support and patience, you're the best ♥ Hope you enjoy (let me know what you think!)

Warnings: swearing; hurt feelings; angst; typos.

Word count: 6,8 K

MASTERLIST

A week before…

Saturday

Lunchtime

The sun was up in the sky, a rare thing for the commensals around the table.

Matty woke up early in the morning, feeling the urge to spend time with his family out in the sun. His parents were in town for a few more days before going back to Manchester. He wanted to make the best of it, specially, he wanted Amelia to spend time with her grandparents.

Matty held Amelia on his lap, Denise and Tim were at the other side of the table chatting. Matty tried to turn around looking for Y/n. He felt bad she always tried to be the perfect host when his parents were around. No matter how many times she had been told, by them or Matty, about it. Y/n assured them she was fine with it.

“Matty.” Denise tried to get his attention back.

“Yeah?” He said without actually looking at her.

Denise was aware of her son’s change around Y/n. She wasn’t dumb, she knew Matty like the back of her hand and, at the same time, he wasn’t even trying to hide it.

From the moment they crossed the threshold of the front door, Denise -more than Tim- acknowledged how Matty’s attention was fixated on Y/n. The singer’s mother noticed as well how Y/n was oblivious to that change of his attention. Denise decided to taste the waters, trying to see what was in fact happening between them.

“Y/n said she will be right back.” The teasing in her voice made Matty roll his eyes, gifting her an annoyed look.

“I know!” He protested. “Maybe she needed help…” He shrugged his arms, trying not to show his embarrassment.

Denise saw right through his facade. “Yeah, well, she said she can manage.”

“Nana!” Amelia's attempt to call her drift the attention of every adult to her.

“Hello, sunshine!” Denise smiled down at Amelia.

After her own children, Amelia was for her grandparents the greatest gift. She brought a new wave of hope and happiness to them. Watching Matty became a father was something they were very eager to see.

“She looks exactly like you, Matt.” Tim stated.

Matty took a sip of his drink, shaking his head. “Nah, she’s the perfect mix of Y/n and I.”

“She’s perfect, the most beautiful baby, right?” Denise continued to cooing her granddaughter, who answer with her cute laugh.

Y/n make her way through the sliding door of the back patio, holding a big tray of food. She was visible preoccupied about taking care of their guests.

“Sorry for the delay, here…enjoy!” She encouraged them to eat, sitting down beside Matty and Amelia -still on his lap-. Matty felt good again, a wave of relief washing over him.

“Thank you, dear. Someone was getting fussy about eating.” Tim made eye contact, gifting Y/n a cheeky smile.

Y/n was confused. Her first thought was to think about her daughter, she turned around to look at her baby. It was unlikely, she though; since Amelia already had her lunch. Even though, she chose to ask.

“Mel? Matty already feed her.” She asked, worrying about Amelia genuinely.

Denise quickly tried to erase her worries. “No, not Amelia.” She wiggled her eyes towards Matty's form.

Matty was getting pissed about his mother behaviour that day. “Denise…” He warned her.

Still trying to understand what was going on, Y/n looked at Matty. “Are you?”

Matty stared at her for a minute. It was beyond his understatement how she managed to look always cute and kissable. He repressed a groan. He had been thinking about kissing Y/n for almost a week now -or even more-. Matty knew, for experience, her taste, the things she was capable to do with him; and after his -almost- wet dream, his mind was adamant to bring the information forward all the time. Several moments during the week, Y/n or the boys had to snap him out of his daydreams. It was getting a little out of hand.

“He was.” Tim pointed directly at his son.

Denise laughed out loud when Matty stared at them with a beyond annoyed expression.

“Bloody hell!” He mumbled, but the rest of the group hear him. Amelia looked up at him, smiling. He couldn’t help the chuckle escaping his lips, while he ran a hand through her beautiful curls.

“Don’t swear in front of your child, Matthew!” Denise scolded him.

“Yeah, yeah…whatever!”

“We were talking, Y/n dear,” Tim continued with the previous conversation. “Well, I was saying…how similar in looks Amelia is to Matty.”

Matty looked at Y/n interacted with his father. It was always a heart-warming sight, the frontman didn’t know exactly why. It possibly was the atmosphere of cuteness around the two of them. Matty was happy that his parents liked Y/n, as much or more as he liked her.

“Yeah, she really is.” Y/n agreed with Amelia’s grandfather.

Denise interfered once more. “Matty doesn’t agree…”

Matty felt like a teenager again, with all the teasing his parents were doing upon him. “She’s the mix of us!” He threw his arm around, his right arm falling behind Y/n’s chair. She noticed how his fingers caressed mindlessly the exposed skin of her arm. She held her breath.

“The perfect mix!” Denise said, looking between Amelia’s parents. Y/n felt her cheeks turn maroon.

“No, she’s you but in girl, Matty!” Y/n tried to protest.

“Absolutely not,” Matty turned to look at her directly. “She has my hair…your eyes-” Matty fixated on her eyes while he talked. Forgetting where and with who they were.

Amelia noticed his attention wasn’t on her, so she interrupted his father. “Ah, ah!” She made grabby hands up to his face.

“Don’t you agree, mel-mel?” Y/n leaned forward, closer to Matty, towards Amelia. The little girl changed her way of attention, reaching for her mother. She grabbed Y/n’s cheeks with her little hands, pulling her close.

“Mommy, mommy.” She laughed, showing Y/n her little teeth. Matty couldn’t help to place his hand on Y/n’s back. His hand was burning through the thin material of her dress, even though it felt more than nice. The caress didn’t pass Denise's scrutiny.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After Matty commented about his new favourite purchase – a vintage guitar-, him and Tim disappeared; leaving the girls alone outside. Denise thought it was the perfect moment to ask Y/n about her doubts. Even though, she was aware that she needed to be careful, Denise was adamant to not intrude too much, risking making Y/n uncomfortable.

“So, now they’re gone…how are you, dear?” She asked in her own motherly way.

Y/n meet Denise and Tim after Matty and her found out about her pregnancy. Both of them were always caring and friendly towards her, specially because they knew her family lived far away. Along with Grace, Denise was part of the female support Y/n had needed through those months.

They engaged in a relationship that persisted beyond Amelia’s birth. Denise called regularly to ask about Mel but also about her; when Matty had to go for a month, she stayed for a few days each week to help her with everything. Y/n adored Denise, and Denise adored Y/n.

Y/n took a sip of her tea, keeping her eyes on Amelia playing beside the table. “We’re good-”

Denise interrupted her smoothly. “Y/n, you…dear. I’m asking about you, darling.” She greeted her with a big smile adoring her face.

“Oh, sorry. I’m so used to get questions about us…mostly Amelia and me, as if we work as the same pack.” Y/n explained, a little embarrassed of not getting Denise’s question right.

Denise boobed her head up and down, agreeing. “Yeah, been there…” The women couldn’t help to laugh in unison.

“Well, I’m alright…tired.” Y/n expressed. Her body deflated, showing as a fact connected with her expressions.

“Are you still working?”

“Yeah, yeah…mostly from here, from home. Which works for us, like for Matty and me, because we can split the time equally when he’s home.”

Denise remember bits of an earlier conversation with Matty, in which he was explaining how he had to take care of Amelia because Y/n was going out. That information wasn’t rare, Matty’s factions turning hard and sullen was what took Denise by surprised and made her wonder.

She kept the chat with Y/n going. “That’s really great. He says he’s looking after Amelia today. Are you hanging with…Grace, was the name of your friend?” Denise remembered seeing Grace a few times when she came to the house.

“No, no…Grace is on a short trip to Ireland.” Y/n explains to her. She didn’t know how to bring the real plan she had for the evening. “I- I’m going-” Y/n hesitates. “I have a date.” Y/n looked down, her cheeks burning.

Y/n didn’t know why she was embarrassed or even ashamed to tell Denise her plans, telling her she had a date. Maybe it was the fact that she never, since she knew Denise, went on a date or her mixed feelings were due to Denise being Matty’s mother. Y/n brushed it off from her mind.

“Oh?” Denise was really astonished. She didn’t expect that piece of information from Y/n. Even less after Matty’s demeanour around the mother of his children. Apparently, her assumptions of them getting back together were far from reality.

Y/n kept her eyes on Amelia, who was still playing happily, unaware of her mother and grandmother conversation. “Yeah…in fact, Grace was the one that somehow arranges the first on.e” Y/n felt bad to say a little white lie to Denise. Even when she knew she couldn’t tell Denise, that it was her who pushed for the date to try to kill her feelings for Matty. “I’m going out with her cousin, Paul.” Y/n continued.

Denise felt an urge of worry. “Is he nice?”

“Yes, yes…he’s really great so far…” Y/n said, truly speaking her thoughts out loud, based on that first date a few weeks ago.

“Do you like him?” Denise stared directly at her. “I know it can be hard to start going out while having a kid and recently splitting up from your boyfriend…in my case, husband.” She tried to reason with Y/n.

Y/n returned her full attention to Denise. “Yeah, it took me a minute to start dating again…” she admitted.

Denise felt a strange vibe about the whole dating thing, even though she kept her mouth shut about it. Instead, she chose to act like a mother figure in another sense. “If I can give you an advice, don’t rush it…and if you don’t feel good about it, stop. You don’t have to push yourself.”

Y/n was starting to get a little emotional about it. So, she decided to try to end it. “Thank you, Denise.” Y/n said sincere.

“Matty knows Paul?” Matty’s mother couldn’t stop that question to slip through her lips.

Y/n sight loudly. “Yes and no. We both meet him for the first time a few years back, in one of Grace’s birthday parties.” She let her know.

“Is he handsome?” Y/n laughs.

She went to answer when Amelia brought a bunch of yellow flowers to her mother.

“Thank you, my dear!” Y/n took it, Amelia ran away.

Y/n thought for a minute in silence, before admitting her opinions about Paul’s looks. “He is, yes…”

Denise sensed the change of mood on Y/n, so she tried to change it, lighten it. “Good for you! You’re so pretty, Y/n! You deserve a nice partner…”

“Thanks” Y/n answered shyly.

Denise placed her hand on the table, halfway from Y/n’s, with her palm upwards. “I’m really happy for you, dear.”

Y/n grabbed Matty’s mother hand and talked as best as she could. “That’s so sweet from you, Denise. I really appreciate it.”

The emotional moment between Denise and Y/n was interrupted by a very sleepy child. Amelia made her way into Denise’s lap, making the women pull away. Denise rested her back on the chair holding Amelia who was closing her eyes. “I think someone is ready for a little nap.”

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A park away from home…

Paul and Y/n strolled around the park he had chosen for the date. It was a nice place, full of big trees and people spending a nice time out of their houses to end the weekend.

“Thank you for this.” Y/n raised the disposable coffee cup to make her point. “I’ll pay you for it.” She said, politely.

Paul shocked her head, making a pause on the conversation after taking a sip of his own coffee. “You don’t have to, Y/n!” He protested.

“I insist.” She smiled at him. They were walking with little distance between their bodies, from time to time their arms coming in contact with each other.

The whole situation felt differently from the first date. Y/n didn’t feel the electric feeling from that night, she felt a little spiral of anxiety playing on her stomach. The butterflies, she supposed.

Paul chuckled at her insistence. “Fine, you can pay next time. What do you say about that?” he turned to look at her, while they continue walking.

“Deal.” Y/n extended her right hand, which Paul took it on his big one. They shock hands for a few seconds and part ways laughing.

The conversation flowed between Paul and Y/n, they talked about everything and nothing at the same time. It wasn’t very exciting if she was honest to herself, but it was at the same time nice.

“So,” He started. “I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner-” Paul tried to apologize for disappearing.

Y/n cut him in the of his sentence. “It’s fine, Paul.”

“No, no…I wanted to do it sooner. I’ve just been so busy with work-”

“I really get that, okay? Don’t worry, please!”

She couldn’t tell him she had been distracted with Matty and her own feelings. That she cuddle multiple times with the father of her child, forgetting about Paul for even days.

Paul tried to think of something to keep her talking, so he came up with “How have you been, then?” Not very original.

“Good, good…pretty much the same, y’know? Work, parenting and all that jazz…” Y/n told him the half-truth.

“I really wish I get to meet your daughter. I know she’s as beautiful as her mother.” Paul tried to compliment Y/n mentioning Amelia. Which had the opposite effect on her somehow.

Y/n tried to ignore it, focusing on talking about her baby girl.“She’s beautiful, but not because of me. In fact, we had a conversation today with her grandparents-”

Paul interrupted her, irking Y/n a little more. “Your parents?” he asked bluntly.

“No, no… Matty’s parents. They came today for lunch-” Y/n tried to keep her emotions at bay.

“Ahh, Matty!” Paul exclaimed, loud, opening her eyes wide and adding to it a strange expression on his face.

“What?” Y/n felt a pang on her stomach, making her discomfort from before worse.

Paul stopped his walking, Y/n copied him. “I’ve seen a lot about him online-” He admitted.

“Yeah?” Y/n folded her arms. She felt the strange instinct to defend Matty, even when she also saw a lot about him online and dislike it.

“Yes, I used to like his music, but not any more. Also, all the chicks…” Paul said, looking at her with a pinch of disapproval in his eyes. “I don’t know how you can bear with that, darling.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, comforting her.

Y/n tried to stay cool and collected, even when his touch burned her. “Well, it’s not like they came to our house.” She got really defensive. Paul didn’t know Matty to judge him too sternly. He knew nothing.

“Still, gorgeous. Must be a lot.” He pinched her right cheek.

“I don’t care.” Y/n replied, harsh and lying, without caring a bit this time. “As I was saying,” because she was still sore about his consecutive interruptions. “We had a discussion about her inheriting features from us.” She ended what she was meant to say before Paul started, minutes before, his campaign against Matty.

“I hope there are more from you, than him.” Paul kept going with it.

Y/n looked at him, clearly annoyed. Paul wasn’t stupid and started to notice he was not getting on her good side.

“Oh, shoot!” He exclaimed, facepalming himself.

Y/n looked at him, partly annoyed and partly suspicious. “What?”

“I forgot the flowers!” He admitted. Y/n had noticed when they meet at the entrance, but chose to say nothing. Expecting him to mention it, he didn’t.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Y/n let him know, when in fact it wasn’t fine. He was being a total ass that day for her point of view. It was a big contrast with the first date.

“No, no…look. I’ll get you a new bouquet there.” Paul said quickly, a little panicky, pointing at someone selling flowers for the people around the park.

“Paul, you don’t-” Y/n started to complain, but he was gone before she ended the phrase.

Y/n stood there, meanwhile Paul went to brought a new bunch of flowers. Y/n tried to distract herself from the doubts and the annoyance she was feeling. She recalled Denise’s words, trying to think about her real wishes. She thought about Amelia and Matty spending time together, his hand on her back earlier that day. Y/n wanted to returned home to them. At the same time, she wanted to be here, on a date. Only, not with this weird version of Paul.

She was ripped out of her daydreams when someone excused herself. Y/n feared it was one of the guy’s fans. “Excuse me?” A tall, blonde, very pretty girl asked from behind her.

Y/n turned around to look at her. “Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?” Y/n looked at both sides, making sure she was talking to her. The girl’s attention was entirely on Y/n.

Y/n looked at her through sceptical eyes. “Depends.” Y/n shielded herself with her arms, crossing them in front of her body.

“I saw you a minute ago with a man… tall, brunet and blue eyes?” She pointed far to the path Paul took, following the person with the flowers.

Y/n still on her prejudice that she was a fan, felt her anxiety rising. “Yes, what about him?”

“It’s possible his name is Paul?”

Y/n was about to get defensive, asking how did she know that, when Paul returned and stood beside her.

“Meredith?” Paul asked, while he held a bouquet of roses in his left hand. Y/n fixed her attention on it, feeling incredible uncomfortable.

“Hi, Paul…long time no see, right?” The girl greeted him very far from friendly.

Paul looked between Meredith and Y/n, taking into account Y/n’s factions. “Yeah, yeah. What are you doing here?” It was palpable he was trying to end the conversation quickly.

“With friends. Why haven’t you call back?” She deadpanned asked him. Y/n crooked her eyebrows, trying to understand what was really going on between them.

Paul was shocked by it. “Excuse us, Y/n.” He pushed the bouquet to her, with a fake smile, under Meredith scrutiny. He proceeded to push Meredith far from Y/n, and started talking under his breath, so it was impossible to understand what he was saying.

Y/n fixed her attention -again- on the bouquet. Some flowers were dead, others had petals falling or were ripped off. Y/n felt a sharp pain inside her stomach but brush it away. She was being influenced by Grace’s hobby, she tried to get rid of that train of thought.

Paul came back, pushing her harshly -from her perspective- into the opposite direction. Y/n turned around, at the same time he was making her walk, to try and see Meredith. The woman was throwing daggers with her eyes.

“Paul?” Y/n asked, trying to regain the liberty of her arm.

He was looking right in front of him and nothing else. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” Y/n was getting scared of his actions.

Paul said with his teeth tight. “Yes, gorgeous.” He let go of her arm, when they were far away from Meredith.

“Who was the girl?” Y/n inquired.

Paul sighed loud, closing his eyes. He stopped on his place and answer a simple, “No one, really.” Y/n wasn’t stupid to believe it, but it was obvious he didn’t want to talk about her.

“Okay?” Y/n said, doubtful.

“Okay.” He was looking around, except to Y/n’s face or eyes. “She’s the sister of some acquaintance of mine… Meredith, the girl, came for an interview, job interview…” Paul was talking fast, stumbling with the words and moving his arms around. “It’s a whole story, I’m boring you…just work, okay?” He finally looked down at Y/n. His eyes were differently once again.

“Fine, I’m sorry.” Y/n didn’t know what else to say. Little did she understood about the whole scene with this Meredith girl.

“You wanna go? It’s getting late.” Paul looked around as if he fears Meredith could return. Y/n noticed.

“Yes.” Y/n admitted feeling a wave of relief.

******************************************************************************

Paul and Y/n reached the spot where they parked each respective car. Y/n search for her keys inside her bag, meanwhile Paul scratched the back of his head.

“I’m sorry about all of that.” He admitted.

“Don’t worry, Paul.” Y/n brushed him off. She wanted to be at home as soon as possible.

“And the flowers…” He continued with his pity party.

Y/n was getting annoyed once more. “It’s fine.” She said, not really caring about anything.

“I know it’s not…can I repay you somehow?” he played with one strand of her hair. ‘He’s going to kiss me’, Y/n panicked.

“I don’t know.” She fidgeted with her car keys, looking down.

Paul pushed her chin up, forcing her to look at his eyes. “Maybe…”

“Are you going to kiss my cheek again?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking him.

He chuckled. “You hated me for that?”

“Nah…” ‘Yes, a little’

“Can I kiss you, Y/n?” If they weren’t so close, she wouldn’t have listened him. She nodded.

Since the first date, even before, she wanted to demonstrate herself Matty wasn’t the only one that made her feel things. To convince her heart that he wasn’t the owner of her body and her heart. Paul was the perfect candidate to prove her heart wrong.

Although, everything went south when his lips touched hers. Her body wasn’t reacting to his touch, Paul was rubbing circles on her back at the same time he pushed her flushed against his body. Nothing. His lips were moving along with hers, kissing her deeply. Nothing, her lips felt numb as if a dentistry was examining her mouth. ‘What’s wrong with me?’, Y/n asked herself while she expected the kiss to end.

Paul parted away, smiling at Y/n. “See you later, okay?” He pecks Y/n’s lips, she didn’t have the force to stop him.

“Mhm.” Y/n answered, turning around to reach finally the security of her car.

Once inside her car, after waving Paul when he drove away, Y/n rested her forehead on the steering wheel.

Y/n exclaimed for her and only her, “Fuck!”

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the studio (while Y/n is at the Park)

Despite it being Sunday evening, George called Matty because he had one idea for the new song they had been working on. As G told him, it couldn’t wait until the next work day. Matty was reluctant about going to the studio; he wanted to spend his free time with Amelia, at home.

George ended up convincing him it was going to be a couple of hours only. Matty could use a couple of those, distracting himself from thoughts involving Y/n going out -again- with Paul. Fucking Prince Charming.

Once they finished with the new track, George came up with the funny idea to teach Amelia to play the drums.

“You like that sound, baba?” George asked sweetly to Amelia. The girl was on his lap, grabbing one of G’s sticks, messily throwing it around his drum set.

Matty was brought back to reality to the sight of his best friend -and Amelia’s godfather – trying to teach her how to play. Amelia was still really young to play any kind of instruments, but the idea warmed her father’s heart. It brought back early memories from him and his own father playing.

“Yes!” She exclaimed overly excited.

Her answer took George by surprised, who directed his eyes to Matty at the other side of the studio.

“She just said yes?” He asked Matty.

Matty nodded. “Yes, mate. She’s starting to say more words…” He shared Amelia’s improvement with George.

“Holly fu- molly, you’re such a grown-up now, missy!” George blew raspberries on her cheeks, making Amelia chuckled and turn away from him.

“I know. But you’re going to be always daddy’s girl, right?” Matty tried to regain some of his daughter’s attention. Amelia’s big round eyes looked at him when she heard his voice. “My baby…” he continued. He was mesmerized by her own child.

“Daddy, daddy!” Amelia wiggled out of George's embrace, running towards her dad. Pressing her cheek to his knees while she stood in front of his legs.

Matty leaned down, leaving a few kisses on her head before she founds some instruments -lying around – more appealing than her father for now.

“I can’t believe it’s going to be two years since she’s here-” George thought out loud.

Matty recalled the entire day of Amelia’s birth in seconds. “I know, I would never forget that day. It was the scariest and most amazing day of my life.” He admitted, keeping his eyes on the little girl running around.

“I bet.” George agreed.

“Y/n was the calmer between the two of us, and she pushed Amelia out of her body…” Matty laughed at his old self.

He remembered, as if it was happening at the moment, his panic. He almost lost conscious for a few seconds in the hospital room, until Y/n started crying and saying she couldn’t do it. Something changed inside him hearing her say that. Since that instant until the doctors left them to spend Amelia's first hours alone, Matty stopped worrying about him and tried his best to help Y/n. Even though, she did all the hard work, really.

It wasn’t the first time in almost two years they talked about it. George knew the story as if he was the one there. “My respects. How is she?” George started to play around with his stick, getting some good rhythms now that Amelia was not messing with the drums.

“Um, good…she went out.” Matty admitted shyly.

George didn’t stop playing, functioning -without knowing – like a nice distraction. “What you mean?”

Matty groaned. “Remember Prince Charming?”

His best mate tried to think about this said guy, vaguely remembering someone apt to that description.“I think-”

“Well, she’s on a date with that moron.” Matty not even tried to suppress his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

George stopped, looking at Matty, asking, “Jealous?” He laughed loud meanwhile.

“Shut up.”

George smiled wide, he liked to mess with Matty. “Oh, come on! It’s not like Amelia or me are going to snitch on you!” he ‘tried’ to reason with his friend.

“I know, mate. I’m not in the mood for that convo, ‘kay?” Matty rubbed his temples, with the creeping feeling of a headache coming.

George was taken aback by it. He didn’t expect Matty to be so sensitive about having the conversation – for time number one hundred – about Y/n. Even though, he respected Matty’s limits. “Let’s work then.” He offered instead, going back to play.

They fall into a half silence, sound tracked by George trying to create something they could use. Matty didn’t move a muscle instead. He was too gone inside his own head again to think about working right now.

“I can’t believe she went out with him…again.” Matty said out of nowhere.

George stopped, grabbing his sticks in one hand, and sighed, defeated. He can leave work at the side for now to help his distressed best friend. “Right, so we’re having this conversation?”

Matty was inside his own monologue of thoughts, so he kept going, “I don’t get it…she’s-”

George went to sit beside Matty on the studio’s couch. “The girl you want but doesn’t want you…” He exposed for the singer.

“Thanks, George. Helps a lot, huh?” Matty moved far from him; approaching Amelia, who was playing with the neck of an expensive guitar. He couldn’t care less about her breaking it at the moment, he would never get mad at her for it. Although, Matty wanted to be closer to her for some kind of telepathic comfort.

“Haven’t you thought about telling her? Like really telling her, not like the past times you were about to do it…and chicken-” Georges asked.

Matty rolled his eyes, interrupting G’s monologue. “And say what exactly? ‘Hey, I’ve been paining for you for years…crazy how we have a daughter together, but we’re not together – Hear this Y/n, I’m in love with you! Funny, ha?’ Yeah, sure George…that’s going to work perfectly!” He spat, his voice full of irony and sarcasm.

George’s expressions didn’t move a single centimetre, he didn’t take it personally. He simply let Matty ramble until he stopped talking. “Are you done?”

“I don’t know.”

Matty reached for Amelia, to place her on his lap, and presenting the guitar in front of them. Amelia was too occupied being enamoured with the item to care about anything else. Matty tried to play some cords here and there.

George studied his actions. “Matty, if you tell her, you have two options…” He gained his friend’s attention. “One,” George lifted one long finger. “Y/n takes your ass back and happily ever after. Best scenario-” He made the finger dance around.

“And two?” Matty asked, fearing his friend response.

“Two…” George added a second finger to the one prior. “Y/n says: I don’t feel the same…and you move on!” He pushed his body far from the couch, as if he wanted to imprint his fingers on Matty’s forehead. “You have girls, and boys, dying for an opportunity to be with you!” George let himself plopped back on the couch.

“That’s the point!” Matty held the guitar by its neck, lifting his other arm up. “I don’t want to move on, I want her, I want Y/n!” He protested against George and even the Universe.

Somehow, Amelia connected the name with her own mother. Matty looked at her when she exclaimed, interrupting the conversation, “Mommy!”

“Yes, I want your mommy.” Matty admitted caressing her rosy and chubby cheeks with his free hand.

George felt bad to remind Matty about Paul. “She’s dating another guy, mate.”

“Bloody h-” Matty went to swear but held it, looking at Amelia. “I know, I know…I just-” he continued, not making too much sense.

“Matty, you have been waiting around for two years…or more…” George said this time.

“You right. I get it. It’s just…difficult.”

It was difficult, Matty felt like he made it difficult. For her, for himself, for everyone. He went into a rabbit whole when he accepted Y/n’s proposition about staying as friend. Matty reproached himself for not fighting for her, for them.

“I can see that.”

“Ugh!” Matty shouted, closing his eyes.

“UUUUH!” Amelia copied him.

Matty opened his eyes, fixing his sight once more on his daughter. He started laughing at her antics.

“Are you copying me, missy?” He tickled her, and she squealed because of it. “I love you so much, mel-mel!” He told her.

“Ove you.” Amelia answered, in her unique way.

George stayed in silence, looking at his goddaughter received a shower of kisses from his best friend.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Home (again)

Y/n closed the front door. Expecting to hear Amelia’s laughter or Matty’s voice, even though she was greeting with silence. Matty texted about them going to the studio, but Y/n expected them to be back by the moment she arrived. Y/n was feeling lonely and tired without too many reasons.

As if she could hear her from the other side of the pond, Y/n’s phone shown Grace’s number calling.

“Hey, idiot.” She answered.

Grace scoffed loud. “Cool way to great your best friend, bitch!” She protested. “As if you don’t miss me.” Y/n could bet she was pulling some of her weird expressions.

“I do, I miss you a lot.” Y/n couldn’t keep up with the banter that evening.

After the failed date, a very forgettable return home and her little family still not there, Y/n was getting emotional.

“What wrong, Y/n?” Grace spoke with worry tinting her voice through the phone.

“I don’t know.” Y/n started to sniff.

“Babe-”

“I’m sorry. I just- I had the weirdest evening- I-” Y/n started to say without really explaining.

Grace wasn’t understanding her best friend. “Y/n, please tell me what happened…” She insisted.

“It’s not that big…I don’t know why I’m getting like this.” She started, realizing she hasn’t moved from the entrance. Y/n made her way to the bottom of the stairs and sit there. She hugged her legs with one hand, while with the other she held the phone closer to her ear.

“I went out with Paul, as you know…” Grace made a sound of agreement, she didn’t want to cut Y/n’s speech. “He started to criticized Matty, and talk about Amelia…I got all defensive.” Y/n started to made mannerisms that Grace couldn't see but made her accentuate her words. “I don’t know why. I was so angry with him. Then, he remembered the flowers. Grace,” she made a dramatic pause. “He forgot about the bouquet and I got disappointed about it!”

Grace chuckled at the other side of the line. “I would do the same!”

Y/n agreed with her head, remembering the distant after a few seconds. “I know! That’s what I’m trying to say. I’m not that delusional!”

“Hey!” Grace protested.

Y/n chuckled for the first time in a long few hours. “Anyway, then he went to buy a new bouquet, and suddenly I’m being asked by a random person if I’m with Paul.”

“What?” Grace interrupted.

“My response exactly. She asked about Paul, if I was with him, and all of that. And, before I can ask her more about it, he was back…took her far-”

“Y/n-”

“That’s not all, Grace.”

“Okay, go on.” Y/n’s friend instructed her to continue.

“He pushed me by the arm far from her, and then started to say something about – He called her Meredith,a job interview…I don’t know what else. Am I irrational or this is weird?”

“This is weird.” Grace sentenced.

“And then we kissed.” Y/n admitted embarrassed about her own actions. She felt like she shouldn’t have kissed him. Too late.

“You what?!” Grace shouted, making Y/n detached her phone from her ear.

“He went for it, and I didn’t have the strength to say no.” Y/n knew she can be honest with Grace, she would never judge her and would always tell her most sincere opinion about it.

“Y/n, that’s wrong but…you guys kissed! Oh my god!”

“I know it’s wrong, and I haven't told you the worst…”

Graced didn’t hesitate to ask. “He stabbed you?”

“Oh my god, Grace! No!” Y/n laughed nervously, answering the stupid question.

“How could I know now? You said ‘haven’t told you the worst’...Well, for me that’s a good worse-” Grace started to explain her train of thoughts, rumbling.

“Grace!”

“What?!”

“I didn’t felt anything.” Y/n admitted.

“And?”

“What do you mean…and? I didn’t felt anything like I feel with-”

“No, no, no!” Grace protested.

“What?”

“You fucking know what, bitch!”

“I don’t-”

“Stop comparing them!” Y/n knew very well she was doing it, from the very start; but she was stubborn.

“I’m not-”

“You totally are!”

“There’s nothing to compare about them…” Y/n wasn’t lying there.

Grace scoffed at her denying. “Still doing it…”

“Shut up!”

“Y/n, give it time. You don’t know Paul, you only had two dates…that’s not enough to try to run back to Matty.” Grace tried to plant some – of her – common sense on Y/n’s mind.

“Fuck you!”

“Sure, you’re hot.” She joked.

“Idiot.”

“You know I’m right!”

“Sure.”

“Y/n, please…give Paul a true chance, okay?” Grace tried to make her promise.

“I’ll try my best. Can we agree everything was weird, though?” Y/n brought back the incident with Meredith.

“Yeah, I agree. Do you want me to find more about it?”

Y/n was starting to get even more confused every time she went through it all again. “No, yes- I mean…I don’t know. Maybe I’m looking too deep into this…”

“Maybe…”

“Fine, enough about me now…”

“You have to talk about the people, baby!” Grace couldn’t resist to copy Matty’s voice.

“You don’t do it right!” Y/n objected.

“Fuck you!”

“No, thank you.”

“Right, right, you want-”

“Shush! Tell me about you…how is the trip going?”

“This place is full of so cool flowers-” Grace choose to start her sharing, talking about her favourite thing in the world. Y/n felt a hole in her heart missing her friend, even when they haven’t seen each other for only a few days.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nighttime

After Y/n ended her call with Grace, and Matty returned home with Amelia; the routine was back to normal. Y/n feed Amelia and took her for a bath, at the same time Matty ordered some take away for both of them, too tired to cook.

When everyone was feed and Amelia was brought back from her fun time on the tub, Y/n decided to unwind with her child on the couch. ‘Amelia can drink her night bottle’, Y/n thought, ‘in the meantime we can watch a film’; while they waited for Matty to finished tidying the kitchen.

Y/n kept Amelia close, rounding her with her right arm. The little girl had her bottle in a good angle, grabbing it in her tiny hands, while resting beside her mother. Both of them watching Mulan II almost getting married to Prince Jeeki and not Shang. Amelia’s mother was planning to tug her to sleep once the film was finished. Even though, mother and daughter were already falling asleep.

“Dishes are done!” Matty informed them, entering the living room. “Are you two comfy?” Matty smiled at the picture presented in front of his eyes.

Shang was interrupting the ceremony in the background.

“Daddy…” Amelia made grabby hands, leaving the bottle fall -empty now – from her grip and resting her little face on her mother’s chest. She was getting exhausted, the sight was so cute.

“Yeah, baby?” Matty answered.

“A-a-a!” She let out in different notes, in her own unique way.

“What does she mean?” Y/n asked, feeling her eyelids heavy.

“She wants me to sing. She did that at the studio today.” He tried to explain the secret code between father and daughter.

Matty moved around, approaching the pair. Crouching down besides Y/n, his face was close to her chest, where Amelia was nesting.

Y/n touched her curls softly, breathing slower, and enjoying Matty’s proximity too. The singer started to hummed low, she can barely hear it. Y/n felt him touch her own hair and the contact of his hand on top of hers at Amelia's head. The points of contact made her fall faster.

“'Cause I don't need music in my ears, I don't need the crowds and the cheers” Matty sang for them with the same rhythmic tone. “Oh, just tell me you love me” He pleaded directly at Y/n, watching her calm expression. “'Cause that's all that I need to hear, I've been told so many times before” he continued. “But hearing it from you… means much more…So much more” Matty’s voice brooked at the end.

He prayed in silence, to no one in particular, for the situation to change in his favour or change for the better.

Behind them, General Shang and Mulan were sealing their love, marrying each other.

Feedback is always welcomed

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