#it probably means there's a storm coming but that doesn't stop it from looking beautiful right now

[lifemod17]

There's something quite relaxing about the dark clouds in the sky tonight

[lvlyghost]

Cold Nights

Pairings: Simon "Ghost" Riley x F!Reader

Summary: Reader doesn't show up for morning training. Ghost doesn't know what to think.

Word Count: 794

Tw: fluff, angst, mentions of being sick, soldiers being scared of simon lol, ooc simon probably, he calls reader kid, i think that's it🤭

A/N: I'm sick and this came to my mind, I just want simon to take care of me okay???🥹🤧 this is super bad as usual. still hope you like it. pls remember english isn't my first language, corrections are welcome ✨💖

Masterlist✨

Ghost doesn't see her at the cafeteria, nor the training room. He's disgruntled. His eyes keep drifting apart from the soldiers in front of him, waiting for the next round of endless push ups he's gonna make them go through.

Why isn't she here?

His body feels restless, pacing back and forth.

Soap doesn't say anything, just shifts his weight from one foot to another.

"Johnny," he calls him. "You're in charge."

"Lt.?" He quirks a brow, not understanding. That's so unlike him.

"Got things to do."

He storms out of the room, the walls rattle when he closes the doors.

It's a cold day. Just like the day before.

Days used to mean nothing to him.

Time.

Until she came along. Three years ago.

That woman... he sighs.

Was it something he said? Didn't they talk about it last night?

Everything was fine.

Or so he thought.

-

"We shouldn't be out here, kid." He mutters. It's freezing, he can see her trembling even beneath her hoodie. Well it was actually his. The hoodie completely swallowing her small form.

"I know, I know!" She laughs. Her cheeks a beautiful shade of pink. "I just... it was too loud inside." That he can agree on. "Is it true?" She asks a few seconds later.

Simon stills. Choosing his next words carefully.

"What?"

"What Soap said." A heartbeat. "About us."

There's a silence that falls between them.

"Those were the words of a drunk man."

"Were they?" her smile is contagious. Damn her and her beautiful soul. "Would you come with me if I asked you to?"

He stares directly at her, trying to find any sign of doubt. He's always mesmerized by her gentle nature. That's something he never knew. Perhaps that's why he was so drawn to her. Longed to be wherever she was. Breathe the same air.

"I'd say that's highly inappropriate." He states. "And that you've had too many shots of whatever poor excuse of a whiskey Johnny made you drink."

"Price called it piss water." She shooks her head. "You're changing the subject!"

Simon chuckles. He really does.

"You've got such power over me no one else could ever have, kid."

And he's doomed.

-

He's trying so hard, going through the events of the night, trying to remember. What happened? Nothing out of line was said. She seemed content when they parted ways, right after he had kissed her good night outside her room. Simon saw the way her eyes lit up with a spark he never saw before. The longing stare. Remembers vividly how she had stopped him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt pulling him down for another heated kiss.

He walks down the corridor with long strides. Hands balled into fists. He shouldn't be this mad. But that was the effect she had in him.

He tries to cool down. Ghost was scared too. What if she had changed her mind and didn't want anything to do with him? He was messing up his head at the mere thought.

He finally makes it to the room, knocking twice before her soft voice tells him he can come in.

Inside the room, all the curtains were closed, not a single ray of light made it inside apart from the lamp casting shadows around. Furrowing his brows he closes the door behind him with a low click.

"Kid?" He calls her. Immediately rolling on her side she welcomes him, red eyes, stuffy nose and looking disheveled.

"Sorry I missed training." She apologizes. Changing to a sitting position and waits for him to sit next to her.

"What's wrong?" He demands with a soft voice. She's still wearing his hoodie from last night. Rubbing her eyes she gives Simon a tired smile.

"I'm just really sick Simon." She answers, he can hear her hoarse voice now.

"Bloody hell, love." His hand goes straight to her face, caressing her cheek. "Did you go to the infirmary?" Closing her eyes, she rest her head against his hand.

"Mhm. Got some painkillers prescribed. Still feel horrible."

"Good, it'll take some time for you to feel better. You need to rest, okay?". The look he gave her leaves no room for discussion.

"Wasn't planning on leaving my bed you know?" He smiles ever so slightly. "Would you stay with me?" When he doesn't answer right away she adds: "never mind you'll catch whatever this bug is and i don't ..."

"Sweetheart," he interrupts her rambling. "Scoot over."

She looks at him wide-eyed.

"You... you don't," she stutters.

"No, I don't mind at all. If there's anything you need just tell me, copy?" She nods, staring at his blue eyes. "Told you we shouldn't have been outside last night."

"Even if it meant catching a cold, I'm glad we did, Simon."

[kvetchlandia]

Thomas Hoepker Charles Bukowskim Los Angeles 1986

call it the greenhouse effect or whatever but it just doesn't rain like it used to. I particularly remember the rains of the depression era. there wasn't any money but there was plenty of rain. it wouldn't rain for just a night or a day, it would RAIN for 7 days and 7 nights and in Los Angeles the storm drains weren't built to carry off that much water and the rain came down THICK and MEAN and STEADY and you HEARD it banging against the roofs and into the ground waterfalls of it came down from roofs and there was HAIL big ROCKS OF ICE bombing exploding smashing into things and the rain just wouldn't STOP and all the roofs leaked- dishpans, cooking pots were placed all about; they dripped loudly and had to be emptied again and again. the rain came up over the street curbings, across the lawns, climbed up the steps and entered the houses. there were mops and bathroom towels, and the rain often came up through the toilets:bubbling, brown, crazy,whirling, and all the old cars stood in the streets, cars that had problems starting on a sunny day, and the jobless men stood looking out the windows at the old machines dying like living things out there. the jobless men, failures in a failing time were imprisoned in their houses with their wives and children and their pets. the pets refused to go out and left their waste in strange places. the jobless men went mad confined with their once beautiful wives. there were terrible arguments as notices of foreclosure fell into the mailbox. rain and hail, cans of beans, bread without butter;fried eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs; peanut butter sandwiches, and an invisible chicken in every pot. my father, never a good man at best, beat my mother when it rained as I threw myself between them, the legs, the knees, the screams until they separated. "I'll kill you," I screamed at him. "You hit her again and I'll kill you!" "Get that son-of-a-bitching kid out of here!" "no, Henry, you stay with your mother!" all the households were under siege but I believe that ours held more terror than the average. and at night as we attempted to sleep the rains still came down and it was in bed in the dark watching the moon against the scarred window so bravely holding out most of the rain, I thought of Noah and the Ark and I thought, it has come again. we all thought that. and then, at once, it would stop. and it always seemed to stop around 5 or 6 a.m., peaceful then, but not an exact silence because things continued to drip drip drip

and there was no smog then and by 8 a.m. there was a blazing yellow sunlight, Van Gogh yellow- crazy, blinding! and then the roof drains relieved of the rush of water began to expand in the warmth: PANG!PANG!PANG! and everybody got up and looked outside and there were all the lawns still soaked greener than green will ever be and there were birds on the lawn CHIRPING like mad, they hadn't eaten decently for 7 days and 7 nights and they were weary of berries and they waited as the worms rose to the top, half drowned worms. the birds plucked them up and gobbled them down;there were blackbirds and sparrows. the blackbirds tried to drive the sparrows off but the sparrows, maddened with hunger, smaller and quicker, got their due. the men stood on their porches smoking cigarettes, now knowing they'd have to go out there to look for that job that probably wasn't there, to start that car that probably wouldn't start. and the once beautiful wives stood in their bathrooms combing their hair, applying makeup, trying to put their world back together again, trying to forget that awful sadness that gripped them, wondering what they could fix for breakfast. and on the radio we were told that school was now open. and soon there I was on the way to school, massive puddles in the street, the sun like a new world, my parents back in that house, I arrived at my classroom on time. Mrs. Sorenson greeted us with, "we won't have our usual recess, the grounds are too wet." "AW!" most of the boys went. "but we are going to do something special at recess," she went on, "and it will be fun!" well, we all wondered what that would be and the two hour wait seemed a long time as Mrs.Sorenson went about teaching her lessons. I looked at the little girls, they looked so pretty and clean and alert, they sat still and straight and their hair was beautiful in the California sunshine. the the recess bells rang and we all waited for the fun. then Mrs. Sorenson told us: "now, what we are going to do is we are going to tell each other what we did during the rainstorm! we'll begin in the front row and go right around! now, Michael, you're first!. . ." well, we all began to tell our stories, Michael began and it went on and on, and soon we realized that we were all lying, not exactly lying but mostly lying and some of the boys began to snicker and some of the girls began to give them dirty looks and Mrs.Sorenson said, "all right! I demand a modicum of silence here! I am interested in what you did during the rainstorm even if you aren't!" so we had to tell our stories and they were stories. one girl said that when the rainbow first came she saw God's face at the end of it. only she didn't say which end. one boy said he stuck his fishing pole out the window and caught a little fish and fed it to his cat. almost everybody told a lie. the truth was just too awful and embarrassing to tell. then the bell rang and recess was over. "thank you," said Mrs. Sorenson, "that was very nice. and tomorrow the grounds will be dry and we will put them to use again." most of the boys cheered and the little girls sat very straight and still, looking so pretty and clean and alert, their hair beautiful in a sunshine that the world might never see again. and

-- Charles Bukowski, "We Ain't Got No Money, Honey, But We Got Rain" 1990

[kristlewrites]

“Lucid Dream”

CW: cheating(?),semi-public sex (elevator),smut, oral(f!receiving),nicknames (baby,mamas,ma), unprotected sex.

PAIRING: Ex!Zoro x Blk!FemReader

WC: 1.8k

🫧🗯️: Didn’t expect so many people to actually vote lmao..😭😭, but ty to all those who have!! This is made just for you guys. First of all it wasnt supposed to last a week, but as soon as I saw zoro taking the lead I had to write this. So ill make another one based off whose in second place!! lmk if i missed anything for the content warning!!

MINORS DNI

(rêve!!)

You pick up your phone, it's ten pm.. It's been over an hour since you arrived. You spent even longer getting ready. Wrapped in a beautiful emerald dress with gold accessories to match you felt amazing, but that feeling quickly went away once you realized your date wasn't coming. Picking up your phone you see his message. 

"Sorry, I can't make it…maybe next time?” 

Maybe next time my ass! You cannot believe this. You slam your phone onto the table and leave, storming off in the direction of the exit. Wiping away your tears as they stream down your face and hurrying down the restaurant stairs. Making your way out you step into the cold Atlanta night. Using one hand to warm up your bare shoulders you use your other to grab your phone to call an Uber...except that it wasn't in your purse. 

Dammit! You had left it on the table. Practically out of breath from the stairs you pick up your pace gearing towards your table. But when you finally reach your table you are met with someone you'd rather not see again. Especially tonight out of all nights!

Pulling out a chair for a blonde??! You see his gorgeous mint hair first.

“Fuck!” you whisper-shout making sure he doesn't hear. You quickly snatch your phone as fast as you can, apparently too fast because now the glass of water has fallen onto the mint's lap. “Oh my god..” you gasp, You cannot believe your luck.

The man looks up in response to your voice, recognizing it almost instantly. You guys make eye contact for about a solid second, but that was enough to make you fold. You ran away, breaking for the elevator, you wanted to get away from all of this. The blonde shouting in the background for spare napkins. You cannot believe you just saw your ex, at a restaurant out of place. Not only that but with someone else!!! It's been only three months since you broke up with him.

Now you were really crying, you walked into the elevator and pressed some random ass buttons, you just wanted to be home. To dazed in your own world you didn't even realize Zoro being right next to you in the elevator, he pushes the first button which you had already pressed undoing the action. “It was already going down…” you whisper and go back to press the first floor button. 

“Well, I didn't mean to press that one. I was gonna do the third floor” He hits the third floor button, not even a second later he presses the first floor again! 

“You are so..” You seethe. This nigga cannot be serious at all. Just when you are about to hit the first floor button, the elevator rocks.”Fuck..what the actual fuck.” You are absolutely losing it, no way this is happening to you. You start spamming the panic button, yelping for help hoping someone would hear. 

“Relax, someone is probably already on their way.” Zoro sitting down already making himself comfortable.

“Relax..?1!! Nigga are you fucking insane? I feel like I'm boutta explode.” You pace around the room thinking of possible solutions.

Zoro grabs your ankle and halts you in place, “Stop moving around, you're gonna make us more stuck. Just try and sit down” 

“You moron that's not how it works..” You kick his hand from your ankle cause who does he think he is? He removes his jacket, and places it down underneath you, he pats the jacket a couple times gesturing for you to sit down. Hesitantly you go down and sit down with your legs in a 45 degree angle (?) (idk it's hard to explain, but like that sit you do when you're on the floor and you dont want yo panties showing.)

“Who was she?” you ask, staring dead at your phone, no service on your phone either.

You hear a small chuckle and immediately regret everything.

“Why are you here?” He asks looking you up and down, you know you look good and damn he knows it too. Green is his color and to see you look pull it off better than him makes him proud a lil bit.

“I asked the question first.” You utter and stand right back up, only for him to drag you down. “What is wrong witchu!” 

“Her name is Dahlia, Sanji he had us go on a blind date, I had only met her like two hours ago”  Zoro had finally admitted, rubbing his forehead. You laughed a lil, just the idea of sanji going through all that trouble. His face nearly illuminated when he heard you laugh, it's been almost three months since he last saw you let alone heard you laugh like that.

You check the time, it's been twenty minutes already and there's been no sign of help. How is this possible if the restaurant still should be opened? How have they not been able to get any help?? By this time you and Zoro were about an inch apart, he was glaring at you not in a mean way but in a possessive way. You guys were just staring at each other not saying a word.

Within a split second Zoro had quite literally grabbed you and plopped you down right onto his lap, still damp from the water, and kissed you. You almost instantaneously returned the kiss. It was absolutely exhilarating, you've missed him so much. Tongues were clashing teeth clanging it was messy but you loved every second of it. You pushed away, trying to catch yo breath. 

“What about your date..?” you were panting so hard and out of breath. 

“Man fuck Daffodil” he said, reaching his fingers to your cheeks “Ive missed you so much baby” Caressing your soft skin

“I've missed you too” You were definitely gonna regret this the next day, but with his stunning face and practically hypnotizing smile it was hard to go against anything he was doing.

He begins to remove your sleeves, bringing down your dress revealing your cutie pink lace bra. Your hands react quickly and cover your boobs,

 “Awe baby don't be shy” he pouts a little and undoes your bra tossing it next to him. He immediately latches onto your brown nipples sucking and licking them like a starved baby. You start grinding against his crotch becoming impatient. Sure you've had a few one night stands after you guys broke up, but quite clearly none of them met up to the bar that zoro had established long ago.

“Seems like you’ve really missed me heheh ” He laughs a bit at your desperate grinding. You were too focused on reaching your high to even feel embarrassed. Zoro noticed this, the increasing moisture from your underwear “woah, not without me mamas.” 

He moves his coat and places it behind you, with ease he sets you down on your back with your wet panties facing him. He tears off your underwear so aggressively it��s for sure torn, He rubs his hands together and licks his lips before diving into your cunt.

“Ah” you exclaimed, it was all so sudden you didn’t have a chance to even think about it.

“Ma, I’ve missed hearing your voice so much” zoro groaned, but you couldn’t hear him with all the squelching from him absolutely raving in your pussy. He was going up and down on every corner, letting his tongue fly in n out your pussy. Your thighs started closing in on him

“I-i'm cummin’” you moan out loud grabbing on to his short minty hair, letting your orgasm flow out with zoro still licking it up

 “so sweet, can't get enough”, he pants while still lapping at your drenched pussy. Your legs Leg’s jittering, heart racing, you haven’t felt this way in months. Retracting his head from your now damaged cunt, he licks up all remaining cum from his lips. He lowers his pants and boxers, to reveal his pulsating cock leaking with pre-cum already. “You still on the pill?“ he asks, with his tip already teasing your entrance. You nod, too dazed to even speak. With no second to waste his dick already making it way into your pussy, you hiccup at the suddenness. “That’s right mama, take me nice n slow” he mutters, going in at lagging pace. 

“Fast, go faster” you say airily as you squeeze your pussy wanting more. He obeys and picks up pace with your fat cunt enveloping his dick so well, the sound of his balls slapping your ass and the subtle moans escaping your mouth fill up the air as both of you guys are now short winded you can feel his dick reach up every inch of your vagina.”Z-zoro, I’m gonna c-cum!” You scream, whilst creaming all over his dick. Hearing his name come out of his mouth was enough to send over the edge and fills you to the brim with his warm cum. Breathing hard he removes he cock from your pussy and marvels as, his cum flows out of your pussy.

Banging from the outside, got you straight up. “We’re gonna get you out of there, helps coming give us five minutes!” A man shouts.

Zoro helps you dress back up, because your whole body is aching. Even with the jacket the floor was still pretty rough. He helps gather up the piece of your underwear keeping one of them ‘for a souvenir’ he explains to you, you roll your eyes too tired to even argue. Meanwhile zoro buckles up his pants and tries his best to clean up any leftover cum on the floor, while you sit down by the door damn near immobilized.  

The doors finally open up, and the cacophony of fire trucks and power tools was already enough to send you into a spiral. Trying to stand up you’re a lil wobbly, zoro grabs your hand aiding you out. The whole staff is outside all lined up cheering for your rescue. “How long has it been?” you ask clearly, you are absolutely exhausted. 

“Forty minutes” zoro responds. He lends you his jacket once you get outside. “Where’s your ride?”

“I don’t have one, I’ll just get an Uber.” You answer fishing for your phone in your purse.

“Here, I’ll take you home” zoro says, walking towards his car acting all nonchalant..

‘Who does this nigga think he is?’ you think to yourself while trying to keep up with him. “how are you gonna offer me a ride then leave me chasing you..goodnight you know i can’t even walk properly.” You shout, the audacity is crazy.You can practically hear his eyes rolling when he stopped in the middle of the road turning around towards at a concerning pace. He grabs your waist and hangs you over his shoulder, flailing your feet and hands “Let me go nigga!”

“Weren’t you jus complaining…right, stop moving before I really leave you” he replies in an irritated voice.

regardless of his warning you continue to flail around, jus for the fun of it hitting his ass and laughing. zoro continues to walk, you can’t see his face but he smiles a lil at the sound of your laughter. He wishes that this would last forever.

(Thank you all for the support on my first fic!!)

[yanderu-deredere]

hook.

★ your friends decide to do a road trip across a few states, to the coast! what's better than the beautiful boardwalk of lovelock after all? and they need a fifth person to come with them! so, of course, they drag you along. what could go wrong?

a/n: okay so ill be honest, i was kinda nervous to post this cus this is like way longer than my usual shit TBH but i really wanted to write this out and i felt like the usual bulletted thing wouldn't do my idea justice i guess? so have this word vomit LOL cus this baby has more parts (i think)

also these yanderes are very much inspired by all my favourite slashers (think hannibal meets chainsaw massacre meets house of wax) so the themes will be a bit more graphic

part one (here) ★ part two (line.) ★ part three (sinker.) ★ part four (?)

pairing: casimir fiala x reader x emmaline fiala word count: 3236

warning: gender neutral reader, reader is attacted to male and female yandere, readers friends are lowkey pieces of shit LOL, final ship is poly

"This doesn't look like Lovelock." Chloe muttered in that tone that just slightly grated against your nerves.

You, half asleep and kind of buried in bags, jolted at the sound of her voice. You glanced around, eyes blurry and your brain pounding just a little bit. The price of sleeping on a road trip, you supposed.

You looked over to the side to see what your friends were up to.

Chloe, the resident bottle-blonde of the group, had her entire body leaning a bit too heavily against her boyfriend Dirk as she tried to shove her torso out the window.

Dirk, too preoccupied with her body to really pay attention to anything else, only hummed and held her by the hip to prevent her from falling entirely out the side of the van.

You sighed and turned to your other side, trying to make out what your friend was so desperate to see outside.

All you could see, however, was what looked like an abandoned town. There was a little play ground, a parking lot beside that, some apartment buildings too--

Suddenly, the van skid to a halt, making everyone almost fall forward.

"Bran, you fucking bastard!" Dirk cursed before cradling Chloe's head to his chest "You okay, baby?"

Chloe, of course, played the whole thing up, whining up a storm. You just rubbed your neck, ignoring everyone else as you tried to figure out why the sudden stop.

In front of the car was a man much too well dressed for his surroundings. I mean, what business did he have in this place that he needed to wear a button down for? Plus he had what looked like a medical mask on?

What did you guys drive into, Chernobyl?

Anyway, you couldn't see the rest of his face very well because he had long hair with white side pieces and they were covering his face a bit too much but he was waving the van down.

Suddenly, as you were peering out the side of the van, your eyes met his sharp green ones and you felt a jolt of electricity down your spine.

You had a bad feeling about this place and about this man.

Still, not like you could say much. Who'd listen to you? Certainly not anyone else inside the van.

The man walked up to the driver's side, probably to talk to your friend Bran and give him directions. Thankfully, you were on the same side so you could do a little bit of eavesdropping on your own from your open window.

Observing him, you couldn't help but think that he was especially tall. He looked like he could almost be as tall as the van itself! You'd estimate his height at 6ft at least.

You couldn't even imagine how small you were compared to him if the two of you stood side by side.

"You're not supposed to be here. This is private property." The stranger explained and, though he was talking to Bran, you couldn't help but feel like he kept glancing at you from the corners of his eyes "You have to turn back and leave."

Now that he spoke, you also noted how deep his voice was. Though, you supposed, not surprising considering his height.

Big man, deep voice, you noted to yourself before mentally laughing at your own idiocy.

"What? There's no other way?" Bran's indignant tone pulled you out of your thoughts "I was so sure there was a way through here, up to Lovelock."

The stranger solemnly nodded as if completely understanding "There used to be but, after they shut down the factory, the Pharmaceutical company prevents people from passing through here."

Bran seemed to open his mouth to say something inflammatory. After all, he was known in your group to be a bit hot-headed. Even now, you couldn't see his face but you could imagine how red it was.

Kathy, Bran's girlfriend and your best friend, thankfully leaned over from the front passenger seat, her hand rubbing her boyfriend's thigh "It's all good! Sorry for the trouble and thanks for letting us know."

The man gave a curt nod "Just didn't want you all to incur the fines. The company still has the cameras up and there was a sign at the entrance saying something about trespassers."

"What are you, a glorified security guard?" Bran managed at least one quip and you saw Kathy hit him especially hard on the knee for that one.

You couldn't see the man's mouth from under the mask but you definitely felt like you could see his lips shift into a grin from under the cotton "Something like that."

Bran just scoffed and started backing the van up. The man backed away, giving a curt nod.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see Kathy conspiratorially whisper 'crazy weirdo' to you, Dirk and Chloe. Of course, you elected to ignore her.

Instead, you kept your eyes trained on the stranger, still curious as to why he was there.

When his eyes landed on you, you gave him a curt wave. A good-bye. Silently, you mouthed an apology for your rude friend. He gave another curt nod, and you left it at that.

Something about his green eyes unnerved you though--

There was a loud pop and the van jolted, making almost everyone inside scream. Bran himself let out a rather loud fuck!

"What the fuck was that?" He slammed his palm against the steering wheel, that explosive temper getting the best of him.

You watched as the stranger came over and looked at the car, observing it a bit before letting out a rather tired sigh "You popped a tire."

Bran's head swiveled to him and, if looks could kill, that man would've been dead "A tire?"

"This place is abandoned, they don't exactly up-keep the roads." The man explained, crouching to try and see what was wrong with said tire "You must have run over a rusty nail or an especially bad pothole."

Then there was a thumping sound, like he was ripping something out of the rubber "Or a giant copper hook."

Bran slammed his door open and marched over, getting to the tire just as the man stood up.

You watched it all happen and you've known Bran for a while. The two of you were taking the same undergraduate major, after all. You knew Bran was the sporty type, confident and cocky. He was maybe 5'8 on a good day.

This man dwarfed Bran when he stood. Definitely taller than 6ft then. Maybe 6'5?

He placed the hook he took out of the tire into Bran's hand and, though it looked rather hefty in Bran's hand, it seemed a bit smaller in his.

Any bravado Bran had vanished like the wind. Of course, Bran was still Bran so he grumbled, complaining as he dropped the rusty thing before he squatted down to figure out what was wrong with the tire.

You saw Kathy from the corner of your eye dialing a number. You figured it was probably triple-A or some other towing service that could help the group out.

For some reason, you didn't want to look away from the stranger.

He seemed to have the same idea because, as he took out a walkie-talkie from his belt, his green eyes were trained on you again.

Without taking his eyes off you, he took a slender finger and lowered his mask, tucking it under his chin. He had a crooked smile on his face, something like a mixture between a grimace and forced pleasantry.

Near the corner of his face, there was an indent of a diagonal scar. It stretched from above his lip to the center of his chin. You let yourself wonder why he had it. It split his lips a little, made him look kind of devilish.

"Another car needs help." He spoke into the little device, holding it in the palm of his hand and jostling it a little, making the antenna of it wiggle back and forth.

"Miscreants?" The static of it answered back, crackling and almost indecipherable.

The man laughed and you felt your heart skip just a little bit of a beat "No, just people who took a wrong turn. They seem very nice."

You tried to ignore the flash of sharp teeth in his mouth and chalked it off to genetics. Sometimes people just had especially sharp canines, right? Though something felt predatory about his. Not vampiric, maybe, but definitely wolfish.

"What's wrong with their car?" The longer sentence was easier to understand but it was filled with just as much static.

"Popped a tire on the main road." The man answered as he put his free hand in his pocket "They were trying to take the short-cut to Lovelock."

The sentence came out as a drawl, like there was a funny joke about it that you weren't privy to. Your head cocked a little, trying to figure out what it could mean.

He returned your look of curiosity with a small little smirk and a shrug, cocking his hip a little as he shifted his weight from one foot to another

Someone hissed out your name and you turned, finally breaking the staring game in between you and the stranger.

You turned to Kathy with a confused expression on your face, your eyebrow cocked "What's up?"

"I have like no signal like at all." She whispered to you as if it was the end of the world and she wanted only you to know.

Of course, since the two of you were sitting in a cramped van, the other two people in the van heard loud and clear.

"What!" Chloe shouted, scrambling for her own marble-cased phone "There's no signal?"

"No, 'fraid not."

You flinched, head quickly turning when you felt a breath against your ear. Suddenly, the stranger was leaning into the window of the van, crossed arms resting against the lip of the window.

Your wide eyes met his green ones again and he grinned, all wolfish and devilish and all your observations about him seemed to flash warning signs in your head.

"Something about the old factory leaking radiation or something." He answered easily enough just as you scooted a little so he wasn't talking right into your now rather hot ear

You nodded slowly but the tone of his voice as he spoke was that same tone he used when he mentioned the city; like he was telling half-truths and it was on a need to know basis and you didn't need to know.

You had been on the receiving end of that bullshit for so long, with the same exact friends you were with in the van, that you could detect it from a mile away.

"Plus, they've shut down the cell towers near here already." He gestured flimsily in some direction, probably to said cell towers.

Then, there was silence in the van. Chloe kept fiddling with her phone. Dirk, as always, looked distrustfully at the stranger, like a toddler who'd get his toy snatched away the moment he dropped his guard. The toy of course, being Chloe. Kathy just looked panicked and anxious.

You were anxious too. You were never good with silence.

As a way to make conversation, you fiddled with your fingers and decided to introduce yourself before asking the stranger who he was and what he was doing there.

You really didn't think he'd answer.

"Casimir Fiala." His name flipped off of his tongue with a fascinating smoothness "I'm just here to... research... the abandoned buildings."

There it was again, that need-to-know-only tone. This time, you waved away the blaring alarms in your head, tucking them away to note later. Instead, you decided to joke with him "Guess you're not a glorified security guard."

"Sometimes it feels like it." He flashed you a snide half smirk and there was a part of you that felt satisfied that, this time, it felt like you were in on the joke.

It definitely made you grin, that was for sure. Before you could respond, though, the sound of a motorcycle suddenly filled the area, getting closer and closer till it was accompanied by the crunch of gravel.

"That will be my wife." Casimir yelled above the noise as he backed away from the window and tucked his arms behind his back in one fluid motion.

When he did, you couldn't help but curiously peer out.

Just as he said, a woman appeared on a motorcycle, dust cloud surrounding her. If Casimir was overdressed, this woman was underdressed.

She was wearing skin-tight clothes, cargo pants, the works. She looked like she was dressed for an action movie.

Hell, she looked she herself walked out of an action movie. She was buff, tanned, tattooed all over, almost as tall as her husband. She looked like she could take a steel bar and bend it in half.

With fingerless gloves, she removed her motorcycle helmet and her hair fell fluttering out. She had one lock of hair at the very front braided, some of it pulled back, but the rest of it cascaded rather messily, covering most of the right side of her face.

It looked like a bad blue dye job that was already growing back out but, somehow, she made it look ruggedly sexy.

That wasn't what was surprising. What was surprising was the eye patch and the burn scars.

"Oh my god." Kathy gasped out and you could see her and Chloe pull out their phones as if trying to film some circus freak.

Immediately, you were pushing their phones away, scowling at them as you tried to keep your voice down "What the fuck, dude, are you guys serious?"

You could see Casimir walk over to his wife, probably to talk to her about fixing your wheel. How kind of them. All the while, your friends were spitting on that kindness by mocking his wife.

"But like, did you see her?" Chloe tittered, looking through her gallery to try and see if she got a good photo but then pouting when she didn't.

"You're disgusting, Chloe." You spat out, hoping the absolute vitriol in your voice could snap her out of this weird Mean Girls trance she was in "They're trying to fucking help us and this is the thanks you're giving them?"

Kathy just scoffed and flipped her hair. "They're the ones who stopped us and got our tires popped."

"We're the ones that trespassed on private property." You snapped back and, suddenly, you felt too suffocated in the van. You knew who your friends were, of course, and you knew them to be the type of people to make small mean jokes but this was way too much.

You got out of the van, your arms crossed and wrapped around yourself, anything to give yourself any ounce of comfort.

This entire trip was a bad idea to begin with. You hadn't wanted to go but your friends insisted over and over that they wanted you around. You thought 'why not?' but, in the end, you turned out more of a fifth wheel than anything else.

"Oh, hey." Bran greeted you as you stepped up to the trio who were discussing how to fix the car "What's up?"

"Nothing, just wanted to stretch my legs." You lied easily enough since you didn't really want to tell Bran about how bitch-y his girlfriend was being.

Bran believed you, of course. He was too focused on being annoyed by the entire situation anyway. He seemed at least placated by the fact that he wouldn't have to pay for a new tire.

"Thank you so much, by the way, for like helping us out and shelling out cash for a tire." You decided to say since Bran definitely wouldn't say it. The smile on Casimir's wife's face was definitely worth it.

Casimir seemed to realise something because he looked at you in shock before gesturing to you and introducing you by name to his wife "And this is my wife Emm, she's the muscle of this entire operation."

"Nice to meet you." She put her hand out and you were about to take it only for her to quickly pull it back and wipe it on her pants "Sorry, I've been fixing machines all day. I'm dirty as all hell."

"No worries! Not like I'm all showered! We've been on the road for like three days now!" You waved off her concern and held out your hand.

Hesitantly, she took it and the two of you shook hands.

You noted that the burns she had on one side of her face seemed to spread down her body because her entire arm from shoulder to wrist (or what wasn't covered by her gloves) were covered in wrinkly scar tissue.

You tried not to stare. She probably got enough of that in her day-to-day, she didn't need it from you too.

You hoped she didn't get it from Bram already. He could be so insensitive without even thinking about it.

"Anyway, I was just sayin' that I'd love t' ride over to the gate, the one leadin' to Lovelock and send out a call, try to get triple-A over." Emm cupped the side of her neck, looking rather thoughtful "Boss won't be happy since we ain't suppos't have people over but."

Then she shrugged as if she was trying to say 'what can you do' before continuing "I got to go soon, though, 'cus I saw that the weather was suppos't to be terrible later today and--"

As if on que, thunder rumbled above, almost as loudly as Emm's motorcycle. You groaned because of course the weather would turn this horrible so rapidly and just when you needed it not to.

"Fuck." Bran put it so eloquently just as the rain started pouring as if the heavens above ripped open the clouds "Why can't you go while it's raining?"

"She only has a motorcycle." Casimir reminded him, his tone implying that fact in and of itself should've been explanation enough, his expression challenging Bran to say otherwise.

Emm looked much more apologetic but only by a bit "Plus, the road to Lovelock is 30 minutes and it's known to landslide when it's rainin'. I'm willin' to help ya'll but not that willin'."

Bran let out another expletive while you gave them an apologetic smile and a thank you.

"I'll be happy to invite ya'll over to our house. We live only a minute or two from here." Emm continued as Casimir shielded her with his lab coat, ducking her head a little as she walked closre to you so you could hear her over the hiss of the rain "It'll be better than that cramped van."

"I'll let everyone know!" You yelled, smiling gratefully at the couple.

Part of your brain registered the warning signs in your head. After all, though you'd tried your best to be polite to them, you did remember how odd Casimir seemed when you first encountered him.

Still, they were trying their hardest to accommodate your group. And, after how rude your friends were, you felt an odd obligation to make up for how mean your friends had been.

After all, what was the worst that could happen from just being nice?

[barbex]

Happy Friday! Prompting: "laying awake at night, wishing your lover was next to you" for whoever you feel like writing ✨

Thank you for this prompt for @dadrunkwriting. It didn't quite work out but someone lies awake and they could become lovers, right? Fenris x Anders, of course.

---

Fenris can't sleep. It's ridiculous, he is exhausted, he should be dead asleep after that three day trip at the Wounded Coast. Three days in blistering heat, sharing the tent with the mage. Three nights of laying next to him on thin mats, naked, because it was just too hot to cover themselves. Three nights he slept, instantly. And now, in his home, he can't sleep. 

He turns from one side to the next, kicking the blanket off, only to draw it back up. Nearly dislocating his jaw from yawning, he presses his face into the pillow and squeezes his eyes shut, but sleep just doesn't want to come. He punches the mattress, glaring at the thin streak of light from the window the never bothered him before. 

But then he hears another noise, his front door creaking as it opens. He is on his feet immediately, grabs his sword and storms out, only to stop at the top of the stairs. Down in the hall, determinately stomping towards the stairs with a bag and a blanket over his arm, is Anders. He lost his hairband, his hair sticking out in all directions, a threadbare shirt barely covering his upper body. When he is halfway up the stairs, Fenris realizes that he still holds his sword and lowers it.

"What are you doing here, mage?"

"Can't sleep," Anders grumbles, walking past Fenris into his bedroom. His bag falls to the floor and the bed creaks when he lies down on it, on his stomach, with his face pressed into the spare pillow. 

"Why are you here?" Fenris leans his sword against the wall and stares at the half naked mage in his bed. 

Anders looks at him from under his arm. His hair shines like silver in the moonlight.  "Can't sleep."

"Why does that fact put you into my bed?"

"I slept well next to you."

"But that is —"

"Oh, get off it. Don't tell me you slept. Get in the bed, maybe we can both finally sleep then." Anders pulls his blanket up to his back.

Fenris stares for a few moments longer, and then shrugs and climbs into his bed. Next to him, Anders sighs and soon, his breath evens out. Fenris wants to turn to him and look at his face, but his eyes feel too heavy. It's soothing, to listen to Anders breathing.

Sunlight lights up the room when he wakes. He slept through the night, a rare treat. Next to a mage. Fenris looks at the shock of blond hair on the pillow next to him. This mage.

As if he feels Fenris watching him, Anders blinks, his eyes still hazy from sleep. He looks at Fenris with a dumb smile. "Morning, beautiful," he says and curls back into the pillow.

"What did you say?"

Anders lifts his head, blinking until his eyes are clear as he looks at Fenris. "Good morning."

"No, what did you call me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Sitting up, Ander wipes his hair back and looks around. "It worked, didn't it? We could both sleep." 

Fenris turns on his back to stare at the patchy ceiling. "I certainly did not ask for this."

"Relax, I'm sure we'll get used to sleeping alone again soon." Anders disappears in the adjacent bathroom and when he comes back out, he still only wears his thin shirt, but his hair is drawn back into a tail and he looks fresh and awake. 

Anders is going to leave, and he knows, with startling clarity, that he doesn't want him to go. "Maybe I do not want that."

"What?"

"Sleeping alone."

With a confused frown, Anders steps closer. "Well you could ask Isabela, or Hawke... I mean, I'm probably not who you had in mind..."

Before Anders can slip away, Fenris grabs his hand and pulls him back. "That's where you are wrong." 

"But... you want me to stay?" The way Anders stares at him in total disbelief, stings.

"Why is that so unbelievable?" His hand hovers near Anders' face, he doesn't know how it got there but he has to brush over the stubble on his cheek and feel how different his hair feels.

"Because... you barely tolerate me on a good day." Anders holds himself very still.

Fenris drops his hand. "I apologize."

"You don't have to apologize," Anders says. "Just... I could do with a little more explanation."

Whatever Fenris feels, he does not have the words to describe it. "It feels... it feels right to have you here."

Anders watches him for a long time. Then he leans forward, brushing through Fenris' hair. "Does this feel right?"

A shudder runs through him. It has been so long that anybody touched him like this. "Yes."

Leaning closer, Anders slides his arms around Fenris' shoulders, pulling him closer. "And this?"

A gasp escapes him. It's too much and not enough at the same time. "Yes."

"Lie down?" 

Fenris lies back down, and Anders lies down next to him, behind his back. He slips one arm under Fenris' neck, and wraps the other around his waist, holding him. "Maybe we could sleep some more."

"Yes, maybe." Fenris leans against Anders, soaking in the touch, the closeness, the safety, until he cannot take it anymore. With a moan, he turns in Anders' arms and kisses him. 

Anders kisses him back, carefully. "Fenris," he whispers against his lips. "Are you sure this feels right?"

"Yes, I am sure." Nothing else has ever felt so right.

"Good." Anders kisses along Fenris' jaw. "Because it feels right for me too." 

[spiriteddreams]

he wishes he could be selfish for once. ft gojo satoru! cw: angst, shibuya arc spoilers near the end

gojo satoru thinks that to love him is to lose. it is to give up your dreams and leave behind a glowing path to instead venture with him towards despair. he leaves pain in his wake, full of memories that cling to his shadow and whisper in his ear. they refuse to back down, refuse to be forgotten as they dig shadowed claws into his shoulders. but he so desperately wants to be selfish. he wants to indulge in sweet moments and forget about the world and pretend that loss isn't the only thing that he's really known.

he keeps himself at a distance. never too close, but never too far. that way, he can look over those that he cares about without ever putting them into too much danger or accidentally burdening them with the weight that has been placed on his shoulders since the day he was born. he willingly puts on his facade with each waking day and pretends that there is no need for anyone else to have to worry about anything. he reminds himself that he is gojo satoru, the holder of the six eyes, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer in the world, so, by default, he can and will be able to solve every problem that comes his way.

except that in the real world, things don't ever seem to work out this way. bad luck is an invisible curse, unable to been seen, heard, or even sensed. and it trails after him, lingering in his shadows and blanketing over him when he tries to sleep. satoru thinks that bad luck follows him around everywhere he goes, so the only next step to do to those he is close with, is to push them away.

push all those that he loves away from him so they are out of harm's way. funny how it doesn't work that way. because when you stumble into his life, quite literally, by running into him through the hallways of jujutsu tech when you're both first years, you knock him off his feet. it's one of the rare moments when satoru isn't keeping up his shielding and in the moments that he hits the floor and you're frantically apologizing and helping him up, he's in a daze. there's just something so bubbly and friendly about you that makes him want to pull you in close and never let go. you're too sweet for him, too warm and understanding that he thinks he could get addicted. and that scares him.

by the time you're both adults, with years of experience and trauma now haunting your memories, there is an undeniable distance that separates the two of you. it is made up of unsaid words and shared glances across the room, both too afraid, too unwilling to make the next move, to have the confrontation that could mean putting both of your lives in further danger.

because he is gojo satoru, the holder of the six eyes, the strongest jujutsu sorcerer, a man who is so in love with you that it scares him because he knows that it would be selfish of him to put you in such a dangerous position. so he resigns to keeping himself at a distance, only indulging when the time allows. and when it does, he finds himself falling even harder, even faster. it makes him selfish and jealous, such ugly emotions that he pushes down the moment he notices them making an appearance.

so he throws himself into battle. and when sukuna chooses yuuji to be his vessel, satoru's world begins to fall apart. one after another, the world begins to crumble beneath his fingers and there's nothing he can do to stop the oncoming storm of misfortune.

on october 31 in shibuya, in a split second, gojo satoru thinks about where you are. he thinks you're fighting, and winning, against curses. he thinks you probably look beautiful with blood splattered across your clothes and a fire in your eyes that makes him so proud of you. he thinks you would scold him for the situation he has gotten himself in, shake your head and pretend that everything is okay as you promise to come back for him. he thinks you might cry for him, and he hates the thought. he's glad you're not here to watch him be sealed away because it would break his heart to see the expression on your face. and as darkness begins to envelop his vision, he thinks of you and the warmth you once gave him. he thinks of a crash in the middle of jujutsu tech and the warmth that flooded his skin. and in the darkness of being alone, he feels just a bit warmer.

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3 a/n: wow where did this angst come from i was just writing al-haitham fluff and then switched to this LMAO

[linddzz]

Oooh wip game! Do tell more about the Audacity in Human Form pretty please 👀🤲🏻

So the actual idea I had for the entire Issue that gets in the way of them getting together was:

The Time Out Orb followed by all the forced personal growth in Season1 gave Morpheus juuuuust enough self awareness that he has started to figure out who the common denominator of all his failed romances is. Combine that with his human fetish and you get him actually kinda being afraid of what he might do to Hob if they went All Out Romantic.

Which leads to: The moment he lets himself admit to himself what his feelings are, he's doing the internal equivalent of desperately holding himself back like a beast on a fraying leash, while horribly aware that Hob keeps doing the equivalent of serving himself on a platter to said beast.

(he has NOT grown enough as a person to know that if he doesn't want to keep having these tense moments of Temptation then he maybe should take a break from seeing his Good Buddy Pal.)

The upcoming chapter is probably gonna be the longest of them all, and it's where Morpheus has his little "Oh. Oh. I'm. Not gonna be able to be Chill about this" moment :)

From Hob's POV the "holding himself back on a leash" is gonna keep looking like this little moment from the chapter after next:

”You have no idea, do you?” Morpheus’ whisper thrums in the air. It makes the floorboards shiver. The eyes flash like daggers, and his voice slides into tones of a wyrm shifting in the deepest depths of the darkest cavern. “You must not, to dare me so flagrantly.” This is supposed to scare me. Hob thinks. In a way, it sort of is. There is a bit of his instinctual hindbrain that knows he's being stared down by the most dangerous thing he's ever come across. The terrified hindbrain gets his heart up to speed, and it begins to pound in his chest. It's a bit of him that is clanging the bells and reminding him that Dream is temperamental, proud, and as unpredictable as a forest fire. “I must not.” Hob answers. The bit of him that remembers what self preservation is thinks he shouldn't be smiling right now, shouldn't be tilting his head so he can better see the way those two stars are blazing. “Such bravado.” The voice is softer, a razor slicing through silk in a dark room. Then it gets stronger, pulsing through the air in a way that pushes at Hob's skull, though it sounds like Morpheus is half talking to himself. “Perhaps I should make it clearer. How wrong you are. How much I deny. How much better that is.” One of Dream's hands moves in a flash that stops only a few inches up between them, fingers curled like talons where it hovers in the air. Once, on a ship, Hob stood at the highest point in the crows nest, swaying with the black night water so, so far below. The sky was the expanse of stars that it used to be everywhere, before cities drowned them out. And from that high, swaying point, feeling like the smallest thing on the earth, he watched a storm rolling like a mountain towards them. The edge of it was a curved wall, an unstoppable churning, the black of it swallowing the night and bursting it with explosions of lightning. He couldn't die, but that didn't seem to mean much when he was a tiny thing high above the black sea, beneath the black sky, with the black lightning-toothed storm consuming it all on its way towards him. It was, present company excluded, the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. “Maybe you should.” Hob breathes.

[vergeltvng]

Quizzes and other tests Masterpost

What's the color palette of your name?

tagged by @vikasgarden

Which "The National" song best describes the way you love?

THE PULL OF YOU

“ i know i can get attached and then unattached / to my own versions of others / my view of you comes back and drops away ”. your love is nervous and frightened and love, to you, feels like a curse at best. you wish to be free of it, but it keeps haunting you —— at times you manage to pull away and breathe again, others it feels as if you will choke without it. loving you can be exhausting, excruciating in a way: loving you is a little like loving the storm, never knowing when lightning will crack, but learning to appreciate the rain.

tagged by @heartofglass-mindofstone

What color is your aura?

GARNET

brooches, anthologies, stained glass, leaves, dining chairs, long robes, curtains. your essence is garnet: you are a quiet flame that dwells beneath your soft surface. self-confidence armors you; many would call you stubborn, though protective of what has come to dwell in your heart. always just a whisper away is your temper, promising to make the world bend if it would make your loved ones smile. you are the guardian. you are the volcano. you find kinship in like-minded individuals of terracotta, tawny, crimson, and umber, who share your proactive nature. you are also drawn to the vibrant indigo and marigold, who will help you grow and teach you to name what's inside of you. however, you may struggle to get along with the internal personalities of teal and hickory who are too willing to be silent.

tagged by @merry-andrews (@homelander-rp-blog)

What are your hands covered in?

BLOOD

Do you hear the screams of them, as you take and take and take? You never stop taking, right? Because the world took so much from you. It’s fair, right? Even as you dig your hands into their chest and pull, trying to rip apart something that has hurt you. Even as they grasp weakly at your wrists, sobbing and pleading, saying that they’re sorry. It must have hurt. Hurt much more than this for you to do it. Their chest heaves and you hold their heart in your hands. It looks the same as yours. Isn’t that interesting?

tagged by @hochglvnz @heartofglass-mindofstone

Which tarot card are you?

THE MOON

You are imaginative, often lost in fantasies. Your intuition is powerful and you can often trust your gut instincts. Just like the moon, you have lots of different sides and interests and people perceive you as mysterious.

tagged by @vikasgarden

Let me describe you in one adjective

ENDLESS

you're empty, aren't you? you contain multitudes, as everyone does. but you've looked into your own vastness and found it unbearable to know how much of yourself you contain. just because the ocean is huge and unexplored and filled with miles of nothing but water doesn't mean people don't find it beautiful anyway. after all, emptiness can only be filled if someone puts something there to grow.

tagged by @vikasgarden

How do strangers perceive you?

THE GROUND BENEATH US IS SOLID

sitting under a tree in summer. the sound of light rain on a metal roof and old wooden coffee tables. getting so absorbed in a story that hours pass without you noticing. you probably judge people who don't use coasters. your best feature is your hands. you're often pretty logical, but you're also very gentle. you're not aggressive, but you do have strong opinions. you like gardening. you have a deep need for comfort and security. you like things to make sense. you're afraid of circumstances out of control, but letting go helps you live so much more vividly than you could ever imagine.

tagged by @vikasgarden

What's your role in the tragic play?

MISUNDERSTOOD VILLAIN

prepare for an onslaught of both the most dehumanizing and hateful takes, and flood of thirst comments. you are chronically misunderstood. whether or not you're actually evil is debatable. you may be acting out for revenge, to defend someone you love, or even just to protect yourself. you're a pretty jaded person. you don't trust or even really like most people. maybe you did at one point. but that part of you is gone, and you don't go a single day without grieving it. you think a lot about what your life could have been. you're stuck in the past. you're angry and maybe you don't even want to be, but this is the only way you can see to survive. you're open, but less in a trusting way and more like a wound. you don't like to let people see you, but the hurt spills out of you before you can stop it. you're impulsive, even as you try hard to plan and prepare. maybe someday your side of the story will finally be heard. until then, you can convince yourself that being hated is safer anyway.

tagged by @a-neverending-story

What part of this haunted house are you?

THE SPIRIT

You’re trapped here, aren’t you, even if you like to say it’s of your own volition. I know better, and I bet you do, too. There’s this sickening kind of resentment that lives in your stomach, always trying to claw up and out through your mouth. People think they are entitled to your time and your being simply because you exist, which makes you feel both seen and entirely invisible at the same time. It feeds that anger inside of you, and it is a matter of time, every time, before that resentment turns sour, climbs out of your lungs, and rears its head at whoever is closest. This is your home. You’re the keeper of this house, and, in turn, it keeps you.

tagged by @homelander-rp-blog

What's your red flag?

OBSESSIVE

youre always fixated on certain things, preventing you from moving on.

tagged by @vikasgarden

What color are you?

RED

You are all that is hot and passionate. You are love and hate. You are the heart that beats and the blood that pumps it. You are beauty and destruction. You are red, you are perfect. please visit me̵ a̷g̸a̵i̷n̷.

tagged by @vikasgarden

(What the fuck?! I even did it twice to confirm that this quiz successfully wasted my time, haha!)

How difficult are you as a person?

You are an extremely difficult person to get along with (85.71%).

tagged by @heartofglass-mindofstone & @chaoticjoke (ages ago)

Testing your susceptibility to anger

This makes you 47.2% more susceptible to anger than the average person.

tagged by @a-neverending-story

[allycat75]

Hey Boston Dumb Fuck 👋! I've been seeing scenes from your lazy-as-fuck exercise in futility, Ghosted, lately and it has triggered a few things.

(A bit of a long one, so buckle up)

I don't know, maybe because the scenes I have seen of Jack in Red One remind me of Cole's cranky twin, or hearing your Nepo director go on about how impressed he is with himself reinventing Santa and how he's going to blow our minds with his genius, but it seems of late rich, mostly white men are just really turned on by their own mediocrity. Just walking around with blue balls because of it and the lack of oxygen to their brains is making them hypoxic. Even sweet Ryan Reynolds got high off his own supply when promoting the recent Deadpool. It was OK, but he and Hugh were making it out like this was the Citizen Cane of R rated Marvel movies (I still think they were throwing you a pity bone by casting you, BDF, and all I see when I look at your part is not Johnny Storm, but the worst version of Christopher Robert Evans, just slightly more horrible than you have been in real life the past few years, if you can call what you are doing living really. Was it a cry for help?).

I can't blame you for Red One. You are just a shitty actor looking for that sweet, sweet paycheck while The Rock and his minions run the show, so let your team set your program to "total bullshit bro douche" in a few weeks so you can get through the press junket without weeping at the fact you murdered Christmas, along with your fanbase that would have blindly seen this festering turd of a movie if you hadn't gaslit them all, making them look and feel stupid and crazy.

But I do blame you, from pillar to post, for Ghosted. You may think that Producer credit was for vanity and a bump in pay, but when push comes to shove, it actually means something. Just ask another Hollywood phony (and someone who was actually invited to the SNL X-mas party last year) Alec Baldwin. On Rust, he may not have been held responsible as the actor who shot the cinematographer dead, but as the producer he sure had the responsibility and accountability for all the things that went wrong, leading up to that preventable tragedy. And I know for you coddled princes, this idea of accountability is a new and scary concept, but woman up and get used to it, you fucking coward.

So, as producer of Ghosted, you should understand that you buy the premise, you buy the bit. How does the movie start- we see a beautiful woman named Sadie (in an ugly ass wig, by the way) at a farmer's market after just discussing with her boss that she is lost after a friend's death. The friend, a workaholic like her, didn't even have food in her house, but had a plant, which is more than Sadie has. Looking pensive and sad, but with a full basket of food she finds he way to the plants only to be confronted by a dickhead who treats her like shit at the worst possible time and tells her she should get a cactus because they are prickly and don't need much attention or care.

So I will stop there, because after this there is something only a male writer, producer and director would think they just saw- those two want to FUCK! Where most women (and to their credit, probably some men) would say, "Boy, if he would just apologize for being a complete and total asshole and make a kind gesture, because anyone with eyes could see she looked really sad, he could make her day better." And that is where it falls apart. Not that it would have really been any better because Cole is selfish in thinking he is everything she needs and doesn't consider maybe she has shit going on in her life that doesn't involve him, but it could have started on a better path if instead of running after her and saying, "Hey, I think we made a connection" (to which most women would have gotten out the pepper spray), he said "Hey, I want to apologize. I was out of line. It is none of my business what type of plant you should get and I should have been more respectful. Can I buy you a coffee to make up for it?". But heaven forbid a man ever apologize and make amends, especially for something they know they did wrong (none of that bullshit you said in the SMA article that came off like just apologize because she is upset and it will shut her up).

Even better would have been to get a few females looking at this script (maybe Scarlet did and that is why she jumped) and even totally flip the script to make it from Sadie's point of view. It would have been much more interesting watching a female special agent who had to target a friend and one of the few female colleagues she had, exploring the aftermath and getting back to her first mission since it happened. And to add insult to injury, also having to deal with this egomaniac one night stand, who hopelessly followed her, convincing him it isn't all about him and that he has no idea what it is like to be her. He has no right to judge. It could even still be funny (or start to be funny, because with the exception of Sebastian Stan, this movie had no Rom and no Com), but there is so much depth that could have been explored that was sacrificed for the male gaze. Instead of being empowering, because Cole was supposed to be the "damsel in distress", Sadie still remained the object that helped moved the story along for the boring, one-dimensional male protagonist.

One could say, "who the fuck cares- this movie (and its leading actor, after a string of current and future failures, both professionally and personally) are completely inconsequential", and I would agree, save for the fact that this is just one example of a larger problem we have seen over and over of men failing upward (I also include almost anything by Coppola and Scorsese- just look at Megalopolis for the former, and the latter only wrote his first decent female character last year). Unless there are consequenses for these kinds of epic failures Hollywood will continue to churn out more and more empty calories, drowning out real voices of all shapes, sizes, genders and colors. We need to call out these flaws instead of excusing them away so we can fix them for a more satisfying, authentic experience for everyone.

Side note...

Also, the last thing I remember about Ghosted was how you got shafted at the premiere and we're forced to give your little stevia (fake sugar) baby a spin on the red carpet, but no one was happy with you in the end- Ana and Dexter looked like they wanted to kill you, and your precious Nazi Succubus sure got her revenge for being shuffled back stage and out the door after only a few pictures without you. Remember, they forced you to fake marry the arrogant, racist, antimemtic, fatshaming, lazy, childish dumb dumb (everything opposite of what you said you wanted, even as recent as that stupid SMA article, but you are now an established pathological liar, so who knows what is true about you anymore).

You even had two kinda fake ceremonies- so, remind me again who you are trying to make seem insane in this narrative? Because it looks less and less like your former fans and more like you and your team with those pathological lies and ridiculous stunts. Even got your nuts so tight in a vice, they humiliatingly got you to make up for that red carpet debacle and sealed your fate as Hollywood's latest pathetic joke, spending 20 minutes on the Oscar (Conde Naste) Vanity Fair red carpet, where no one wanted to talk to you and you couldn't easily wipe your mouth when you had to kiss the little tantrum throwing wifey on the mouth for the cameras, like a good little CAA automoton. And I still don't know if I can forgive you for being so fucking careless and dissociated from your own life and moral fiber that you wore the colors of the Nazi Flag while parading the precious antisemite for your debut. Actions matter and for a smart man you do some really stupid things!

I know it seems I took a bit of a turn at the end there- just a reminder you really suck right now as a human being so you may want to think about how you can change all that, just like how Ghosted could have been better if you had your head out of your ass.

Have a great day, you prick 🫶!

[leclercenjoyer]

i had a bad day so um

it's hard, sometimes.

It's hard, even when everything is going great, when there's barely a cloud in the sky and the sun is shining bright and everything should be fine, and it is, right up until it isn't.

sometimes he feels it coming from a mile away, a dark cloud on the horizon, and he can watch and prepare for the storm as it rolls in.

and sometimes, like now, he's making breakfast, and the birds are singing, and the next thing he knows, he's doubled over the counter, chest heaving, heart racing, tears dripping down his nose to stain the wood below.

he doesn't know how long he stays like that, but this is how charles finds him once he finally crawls out of bed, stumbling into the kitchen in search of food. instead, he finds pierre.

pierre hears his footsteps stop as he no doubt takes in the scene. the stove is off but the eggs in the pan are no doubt ruined, congealed beyond saving, and the spatula is on the floor, and pierre is like this.

"oh, calamar," he hears charles say, so achingly soft, and he squeezes his eyes shut. part of him wishes charles would just turn around and leave, would just let him have this little breakdown in peace so he could put himself back together after and pretend it never happened but… there is not a universe out there where that would occur to charles, and the thought of the look on charles' face if pierre asked him to go almost hurts worse than the rest of it.

so instead, he braces himself against the counter, shoulders shaking as he listens to charles inch closer.

"love, can i touch you?" charles asks, and pierre just nods, and the first touch of charles' hand between his shoulder blades sends a tremble through him, and he can't help but lean back into it, into charles.

"is it okay if i hug you?" charles asks, and pierre nods again, and then charles presses up behind him, arms wrapping around his waist, chest pressed to his back, face tucked into the crook of his neck, and the bone-deep relief he feels is indescribable. charles is so warm, and he smells familiar, and pierre loves him so much it aches sometimes.

"breathe with me," charles says into pierre's skin, and takes a deep breath to demonstrate, and pierre does his best to follow, heaving a shaky breath, holding it for a few counts, letting it out as charles does, repeating. one of charles' hands comes up, palm spread over pierre's sternum, and pierre lets go of the counter to clutch onto it like a lifeline.

they stand like that, just breathing together, until pierre feels like he can open his eyes again.

"the eggs are probably fucked," is the first thing he croaks out, and his voice wavers but it doesn't break. charles lets out a soft little laugh. it tickles a bit.

"we could go to that little cafe you like. sit outside in the sun."

and pierre would argue something about their diets but he doesn't have it in him to care this morning, and it seems charles doesn't either.

"that sounds nice," he says instead, because it really does, and some sun and fresh air would do him good, as much as he's tempted to hide inside.

he turns around in charles' arms and finally takes him in. he's beautiful, as he always is, hair mussed and eyes half-lidded, still shaking off the last vestiges of sleep, and there's a gentle smile on his lips.

later, he will tell charles just how much this means to him, how dear he holds him, but right now he doesn't have to. he knows charles understands. charles has his dark times, too.

instead, he wraps his arms around charles' shoulders and rests their foreheads together, letting his eyes drift shut again. he takes a deep breath. the air already feels lighter.

[ff7-has-taken-me-over]

A ghostsoap au prompt:

Warlord!Ghost and prince Soap that Ghost takes as a spoil from a defeated kingdom. He doesn't usually do that, but Johnny just captivated him with his beauty.

(ooor, maybe he was just gonna take the princess, Soap's sister, out of tradition without caring too much, but Johnny offered himself instead)

Ooh, that’s fun.

If we go the first way with it I reckon it could go one of two ways.

Ghost lays siege, storms the castle and finds a prince fighting tooth and nail against his men who are trying to capture him. It’s highly amusing for Ghost so he decides to wait it out, see how it all plays out and looking for an opening to grab the distracted man.

Once he finds it he quite literally trips Soap up, catching him in a dip and smiling toothily when he’s met with wide, grey eyes and a light blush. The prince recognises him immediately, glaring up at him and spitting curses in a language Ghost doesn’t have a hope of understanding, but it’s still wildly sexy and amusing for him.

It’s in that moment that he decides he’s taking him with him. It’s so out of the ordinary and sudden but this prince looks like he’s gonna be a lot of fun to play with and he’s not bad on the eyes so it’s a win win in Ghost’s book.

Or!

Ghost is laying siege, doing his thing and the second he sees Soap he just kinda stops. Like Soap still has his crown on and is very obviously a prince but he’s cutting down Ghost’s men without flinching and there’s fire burning behind him, lighting him up, and Ghost has never seen something so beautiful.

Then the prince is turning to him, the light reflecting off those grey eyes and sharp smile and Ghost is gone for the man.

They battle for a bit and Ghost cannot help but flirt with him, adrenaline and feral joy running through him when the prince returns it.

He decides that the man is gonna come with him whether he’s willing to or not cause Ghost can’t let a man like this slip through his fingers. Soap curses him to hell and back but Ghost saw the way interest sparked in his eyes while they were fighting and he’s confident he can kinder that into a proper feeling.

Now if we go the second way you were talking about I reckon the only reason Ghost is taking the princess is because he needs a bride and his parents had met through this same sort of method.

He had no plans of treating her like his father had treated his mother, will probably even let the woman go once he takes over cause he honestly has no interest in any of it. But then the prince is stepping in and Ghost can’t help the spark of interest that runs through him.

The man holds no fear when he offers himself in his sister’s stead, which means he’s either too brave or too stupid to realise how much danger he’s in. But when Ghost realises the only one actually putting up a fight against his offer is the princess, he realises there might be a bit more to it than that.

The prince meets Ghost head on, glaring up at him with a fire that burns brighter than the kingdom Ghost just laid siege to and it’s in that moment that he knows he’s gonna marry the prince.

He’s still not gonna treat the man like his father would but he’s gonna try his damndest to woo the man and he’s fucking determined to make him his bride. Wedding dress or not.

[crithaus]

I'm cooking a fic I'll probably never write in my brain where Vex is doing alright y'know, she's got a beautiful new home, the world has been saved yet again, and her favorite people are all safe and accounted for (all but one, y'know), and Vesper is a joy to watch growing up, and then the first in a series of bombs.

She starts feeling sick and the feeling at that point is half 'do I know this? Don't I remember this?' and half 'dear god I have the plague.' so she and Percy head to Pike and after a brief commune, Pike with all the gentleness she can bring to bear tells them the great news, she's pregnant. And so is the pause. Percy is the first to get up in arms about it, and her solemn face, "what is it?"

"...you are pregnant. With twins. A boy and a girl."

And suddenly it all becomes clear. The joy of that knife and its gutwrenching twist and Vex understands the look on Pike's face because she feels it on her own, how very ironic. And he's not here to see this funny twist of fate. How ironic that she's currently creating another soul set on four legs, another heart broken in half like a sweet for them to share, another...and how ironic that time loops so perfectly again, already, with her in her own shoes and her mother's both.

And Vex and Percy sit with this news for a moment, there are tears of sorrow and tears of elation and Vex takes a second to walk through the woods and think and plan and mourn a little, and Percy let's her go with his head all full of his own twin siblings. He offered to come with her, his heart traipsing off into the Parchwoods would be better with company, but she declines and he goes back to home and Cass and Vesper to wait.

He really doesn't have to wait too long. What comes back isn't Vex though for a moment he thinks it might be, what comes back is worse. He thought the last time was bad, when he didn't recognize his own brother for a hair's breadth, when he was so very changed by his service, but this is worse. Vax, face ringed with raven's feathers and eyes black and that boney plantlike growth shielding his shoulders like epaulettes he knows Vax wouldn't ever wear, with a face more alive then it was in years, storms into his office in a flurry of shadow with a small string clenched in his fist and instead of joy and yelling and hugs, all Percy gets is a curt, "where is she?"

Which is so fun y'know, Scanlan can't cast wish anymore so your long dead brother who you weren't even supposed to see the last time is here and he can't even enjoy it because Vax isn't talking about Vesper, he could only be talking about one person, and she's been gone for almost two hours and he couldn't even have thought to raise the alarm for at least another two and what does that mean- and Vax, as is his wont, opens his fist without another word and Percy sees it, a thick, braided string of solid gold emanating light that is fading even now, and frayed at the end just a little bit.

A beat of silence, Percy stopping himself from screaming to break it, Vesper is napping after all.

"Her string has been cut." Vax says

Like that makes any sense. Like this whole situation isn't insane. "It is impossible, It's against Her doctrine, it is an affront to what She stands for," Vax continues, voice wooden but undercut with a fury that would be so familiar if what stood before Percy was his brother and not Her loyal servant, the one he himself put up to the task, "and We will not have it."

"and that's why you're here. Not because of your sister, because of the Matron-" Percy is cut off immediately by the sharpest gaze ever seen before or since, and by the briefest flash of brown eyes in all that inky tar blackness.

"I'm here because her time is many years from now, surrounded by your kids, and Keyleth, and Pike, Grog, Scanlan if he manages. I'm here because I break no deals, and this," he holds the string up, "is not supposed to happen. I am here, Percival, because she isn't, and wasn't, and there will not be a world without her in it for decades to come as long as I am there to make it so. I'm here because my sister is gone, and her string is cut, and that isn't fucking possible, and you are going to help me find her and restore this. I have no other soul to offer the Matron, and my heart has vanished somehow, so if you can manage not to kill her a fifth time I would ask your help."

And Percy is ofc overrawed and petrified and furious and he has a daughter so he can't go flying off the handle now and he has 2 actually, and a son, and most importantly of all, a wife, his future and judgement gone without a trace. Not dead, not yet, which is more baffling still, but gone.

And Vex for all her trouble was just walking around the woods when everything went dark, y'know she was stepping carefully over a thatch of tangled underbrush and suddenly the sun overhead just vanishes and that is worrying but there's this pressure in her chest that's even more worrying spreading through it and she looks down and there's an arrowhead poking out between her ribs, and gold blooming out like a flower from the wound. That's not right, is it? Gold? And not red?

And she turns and this man who would almost remind her of Pelor if he had an iota of the gentle kindness is staring at her as the world begins to grow fuzzy. "My dear, my new champion, we and I will make this rotten world new again. Take my hand, my Vex'ahlia, and we will make it right." And her head is fuzzy, but she isn't stupid. She opens her mouth to tell him to fuck the hell off and notices two things in rapid succession. The blood dribbling out of her mouth is gold, and the arrow tugs, it doesn't hurt but like the pain she should be feeling it invades her very cells like a plant taking root and this thing turns her feet and forces her forward as the fuzziness increases. She should be worried, she should scream and thrash and run, she's a mother now, and the thought of her three little babies, her daughter and her new twinnies, is enough to shake whatever the fuck this is for only a moment, to which the man looks impressed, but it isn't enough.

"you were the champion of that doddering old man, but he's locked behind the gate, and I am here, and I will burn him out of existence and take my rightful place back, and you will be more than a silly champion, my Vex'ahlia. You will be my avatar. You will be the Sun incarnate, and your children will burn the world new, and together this plane will be ours."

And as the golden ichor pours down her mouth and chest, there is a fission of warmth inside her, where her heart should be, that warms her from tip to toe. Her face contorts into a smile as the fuzziness blots her out entirely and her mind is put away somewhere small and tidy and neat and barren, and she hears her small far off answer, "of course. Together."

And it's Vax and Percy finding the cult of this elder sun god that Pelor vanquished cuz he's fucking evil and he's trying to sneak past the divine gate by using Vex as his Avatar and he wants to burn the whole world to a crisp and start over as the head god and obviously is a sworn enemy of the Raven Queen so he'll try and fuck her and Vax up too, and the tiny widdle twins would be his first new followers the second they're born so he keeps them safe, and with her fate string cut RQ can't uphold her end of the bargain so Vax is let out to play to reestablish the terms and exploits the fuck outta that there loophole, and Vex as his Avatar goes around making awesome druid-y fire magic happen, and radiant damage with a twist* too, and pure utter chaos as well obvs, the elder su god is wicked powerful and will kill any other god/cleric/holy person on sight, and Vax while on this hunt to save his sister eventually sheds that fucked up influence from Dalen's Closet and it's funny cuz now Vex is the clouded, distant one and Vax is perfectly sober and desperate to save his sister, and Percy's both saving his wife and babies and bantering like old times with his brother, and RQ possesses Vax for a bit to help fight Vexmano a mano,,

And after a long and bloody fight a la orthax, Percy eventually gets through to Vex and says something so tender and gay to get her to stop fighting them a la "Darling take the mask off," and they get the elder sun god out of her and fix everything and reunite and RQ is like well since the world keeps ending I guess you can stay here until your own natural life Vax, so Vex gets to introduce Vax to his niece and eventually his niece and nephew, and then he goes and lives with gilmore and kiki and he's so damn gay about it and everyone is happy

[juliansummerhayes]

We Ain't Got No Money, Honey, But We Got Rain by Charles Bukowski

call it the greenhouse effect or whatever but it just doesn't rain like it used to. I particularly remember the rains of the depression era. there wasn't any money but there was plenty of rain. it wouldn't rain for just a night or a day, it would RAIN for 7 days and 7 nights and in Los Angeles the storm drains weren't built to carry off taht much water and the rain came down THICK and MEAN and STEADY and you HEARD it banging against the roofs and into the ground waterfalls of it came down from roofs and there was HAIL big ROCKS OF ICE bombing exploding smashing into things and the rain just wouldn't STOP and all the roofs leaked- dishpans, cooking pots were placed all about; they dripped loudly and had to be emptied again and again. the rain came up over the street curbings, across the lawns, climbed up the steps and entered the houses. there were mops and bathroom towels, and the rain often came up through the toilets:bubbling, brown, crazy,whirling, and all the old cars stood in the streets, cars that had problems starting on a sunny day, and the jobless men stood looking out the windows at the old machines dying like living things out there. the jobless men, failures in a failing time were imprisoned in their houses with their wives and children and their pets. the pets refused to go out and left their waste in strange places. the jobless men went mad confined with their once beautiful wives. there were terrible arguments as notices of foreclosure fell into the mailbox. rain and hail, cans of beans, bread without butter;fried eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs; peanut butter sandwiches, and an invisible chicken in every pot. my father, never a good man at best, beat my mother when it rained as I threw myself between them, the legs, the knees, the screams until they seperated. "I'll kill you," I screamed at him. "You hit her again and I'll kill you!" "Get that son-of-a-bitching kid out of here!" "no, Henry, you stay with your mother!" all the households were under seige but I believe that ours held more terror than the average. and at night as we attempted to sleep the rains still came down and it was in bed in the dark watching the moon against the scarred window so bravely holding out most of the rain, I thought of Noah and the Ark and I thought, it has come again. we all thought that. and then, at once, it would stop. and it always seemed to stop around 5 or 6 a.m., peaceful then, but not an exact silence because things continued to drip drip drip

and there was no smog then and by 8 a.m. there was a blazing yellow sunlight, Van Gogh yellow- crazy, blinding! and then the roof drains relieved of the rush of water began to expand in the warmth: PANG!PANG!PANG! and everybody got up and looked outside and there were all the lawns still soaked greener than green will ever be and there were birds on the lawn CHIRPING like mad, they hadn't eaten decently for 7 days and 7 nights and they were weary of berries and they waited as the worms rose to the top, half drowned worms. the birds plucked them up and gobbled them down;there were blackbirds and sparrows. the blackbirds tried to drive the sparrows off but the sparrows, maddened with hunger, smaller and quicker, got their due. the men stood on their porches smoking cigarettes, now knowing they'd have to go out there to look for that job that probably wasn't there, to start that car that probably wouldn't start. and the once beautiful wives stood in their bathrooms combing their hair, applying makeup, trying to put their world back together again, trying to forget that awful sadness that gripped them, wondering what they could fix for breakfast. and on the radio we were told that school was now open. and soon there I was on the way to school, massive puddles in the street, the sun like a new world, my parents back in that house, I arrived at my classroom on time. Mrs. Sorenson greeted us with, "we won't have our usual recess, the grounds are too wet." "AW!" most of the boys went. "but we are going to do something special at recess," she went on, "and it will be fun!" well, we all wondered what that would be and the two hour wait seemed a long time as Mrs.Sorenson went about teaching her lessons. I looked at the little girls, they looked so pretty and clean and alert, they sat still and straight and their hair was beautiful in the California sunshine. the the recess bells rang and we all waited for the fun. then Mrs. Sorenson told us: "now, what we are going to do is we are going to tell each other what we did during the rainstorm! we'll begin in the front row and go right around! now, Michael, you're first!. . ." well, we all began to tell our stories, Michael began and it went on and on, and soon we realized that we were all lying, not exactly lying but mostly lying and some of the boys began to snicker and some of the girls began to give them dirty looks and Mrs.Sorenson said, "all right! I demand a modicum of silence here! I am interested in what you did during the rainstorm even if you aren't!" so we had to tell our stories and they were stories. one girl said that when the rainbow first came she saw God's face at the end of it. only she didn't say which end. one boy said he stuck his fishing pole out the window and caught a little fish and fed it to his cat. almost everybody told a lie. the truth was just too awful and embarassing to tell. then the bell rang and recess was over. "thank you," said Mrs. Sorenson, "that was very nice. and tomorrow the grounds will be dry and we will put them to use again." most of the boys cheered and the little girls sat very straight and still, looking so pretty and clean and alert, their hair beautiful in a sunshine that the world might never see again. and

Photo by Valentin Müller on Unsplash

[maguro13-2]

The Dark Beginnings RETOLD ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Chapter 0 Pt.8 ~

*Somewhere at Virginia (The Old Dominion)*

Liz : Here we are patty, this is where I grew up on.

Patty : Here in the state, so why do call ourselves Brooklyn devils or no?

Liz : Because, this is the only that state born on, because our parents didn't reach New York before we got there.

Patty : Actually, so...Where's still beginning to think about it, but how come we've been orphaned. So are we saying that we should take a train to get here, and there won't be a single problem.

Liz : Just because we a live in a country of freedom, doesn't mean this place would be the death when all of these wretched storms will wreck the place clean in a disaster caused by humanity's caused, I bet I won't have a surge in brain. But one question, whoever happens to this planet would be escalating the facts that who gives a crud about two being that desperately wanting to be heroes? Demon Weapons? We're just humans in the real world, not tools! Ever since the Ohkuboverse was completely erased from the Time Eater, we'd thought that still remember the same the one, but who are we that we are going to trust, Shinra? Anybody else? Why did I even think about it?

Patty : Sis, please. Think it over. If only you could understand the pleasures of living in the real world, we are not called brookyln devils, we are people that you, Elizabeth Thompson, would not recognize if that legacy was brought into protecting the world from what...Nothing? It's always about the lies from Mr. Kusakabe, We can't stop thinking that I'm the reincarnation of his deceased beloved who was killed by the hands of the Time Eater. Think of it.

"PATRICIA THOMPSON...CODENAME : PATTY"

Liz : You could worrying about the fate of others, Sis. If it means what it means of protecting of legacy, then I'm glad that we're able to step out of the inlfuence from the Devil Boy himself.

"ELIZABETH THOMPSON...CODENAME : Liz"

Liz : I guarantee you would do fine without the current situation, humans are eagerly to understand what lies within true beauty, oh the humanity.

Patty : Liz, Just because I wanted to see this beauty, doesn't mean I wanted to be left out alone. Ever since we were children, things just took a dark turn and I had no choice but to see the beauty instead living in the big city.

Liz : Could be best on your toes.

[Running Through the Plains by Takahito Eguchi]

Patty : So...Do you know what it's like to be living in the outskirts, a picture-esque place that would be a perfect home for us. I don't mind about you being a Virginia Girl, but that does that make me a Brooklyn girl.

Liz : Don't be such a thinker, Patricia. You and I understand each other, I thought that you would never move to Brookyln, even though that this is where I grew up, fresh green trees, green grass, open side places, this is definitely a place where I can grow up instead of the city, but don't sweat it, I won't be a long goner if the world must face out the natural disasters' caused by humanity's arrogance. Never to be surge about it.

Patty : Likely, some say the Time Eater's relative, Homura, questions all of humanity that their arrogant would make all natural disaster's caused by their own arrogance when factories began to make these natural disasters to destroy all of the world's beauty. I beg your pardon that you wanted to live in a place of your own, a place where we can find freedom in this land! this land will be ours!

Liz : So don't think about it, I hope the day we would discover anything from all means necessarily, I'm gonna be real cool with this one.

Patty : You gladly are, humans to think that changing the planet's climate could make the planet gone worse, or probably it was the gods that wanted to punish humans for the way to harm mother nature.

*vision shown*

Patty : In our future, our world looking like this would make all of things go disappear when the planet would might go in vain, and everything will be lost, just for the sake of humanity's significance as an arrogant species with the environmental problem.

*changes back to the two*

Liz : Ineed, sis. I promise that I would do something for myself, If I can fight as a hero, then a hero can carry a princess, all the way to the end! *carries Patty* Hang on tight sis! I'm the hero of your dreams, I'm gonna carry you all the way to the end!

*Liz starts running*

*liz and patty starts laughin in excitement*

"I never felt so alive, this is what I really want to see for myself..."

"I could never leave anyone by my side, I always have a clear feeling that I would find myself open to see the wonders of beauty, That's what I needed to feel free...No matter what dangers lies within us..."

"I'm sure that everythin will be okay from now on."

"I promise that I won't make mistake again."

Lost One : Mr. Lawrence, I found the perfect specimen...

Sammy Lawrence via Radio : Excellent, bring me that girl into Brooklyn, we need her for experimental procedures. Soon, everything in the night will be all according to plan...

*Meanwhile at PSO*

"FOREST AREA*

[Mother Earth of Dishonesty Pt.1 by Hideaki Kobayashi]

Seto : Well, here we are. The Forest Area.

Maka Albarn : Wow...This place is huge. It reminds that you want to gout on a picnic.

Solva : A picnic indeed of training, it's also stated that it all began here, this is where Pioneer 1 was established at this area right here, both the ship Pioneer 2 and the dome Pioneer 1 were in a huge contact between the two before a massive explosion caused the two pioneers to get in lost contact. And do you know who caused explosion, the lord of Dark himself and final boss of the game, Dark Falz.

Maka Albarn : Dark Falz? You mean the big guy that is responsible for the explosion? Dark Falz has been the final boss of the game of this transcended JRPG before he even appeared in the game.

Solva : I agree with that, it's not the one of the finest, but I heard that he was accidentally freed by one person that is smart to make his release, Rico Tyrell, Aka the girl with the Red Ring, she felt like a dummy after she found out that released Dark Falz after going through investigations, minor apologies about saying things to her.

Maka Albarn : So a girl name Rico accidentally freed Falz, but what happened to her?

Seto : We don't know what happened to her, but his daughter the principal can't sense she wasn't around here, so it's best that we may loose the tracks go on our business. I know it's hard for you to understand that, Mrs Albarn. But going along with you well, It's always dangerous to go alone, that's why this is an MMO, so we make sure that we need to understand what being a in game feels like, even if you are in a familiar setting with a JRPG from the 1980s.

Solva : Exactly, but getting addicted to this game is really not good for the health.

Maka Albarn :*sweatdrop icon* I would not be judge like if you would never say things like that.

Solva : Anyways, we'll just be right here, go check out if there's anyone that can help you out.

Maka Albarn : Okay. I'll go look around. I hope there should be good stuff around here.

*scene changes*

Maka Albarn : It's never been this quiet before. I thought being alone was a dangerous idea, so those two girls would understand my training of being a hero would make me fulfill it. If I could be the weakest of the weakest, then I have to prove then I am strong no matter what happens to me! I gotta be the perfect hero that I wanted to be! Demand the respect of a life time!

*Maka pulls out a thermos*

Maka Albarn : But first, I gotta try out most of my favorite drink of all, fresh green tea! Straight from my thermos.

Navi : Hey! Listen! Hey! Listen!

Maka Albarn : Get away, fairy! Not now!

Navi : Watch out! *Points to the Boomas*

*BOOMAS ROARING*

Maka Albarn : Woah!

[Mother Earth of Dishonesty Pt.2 by Hideaki Kobayashi]

Maka Albarn : Oh no! *Turns to see another Booma* Yikes! !?

*Notices she is surrounded by Boomas*

Maka Albarn : Uhhh, hey, guys! Nice day we're having? Settle down, I'm a friendly person, I don't mean the rappies no harm, oh wait a minute, they're right over there peacefully.

*Rappy noises*

Maka Albarn : Guys! A little help!

*DBZ SFX : Slashing*

*Booma dying noises*

*THUD*

Maka Albarn : Eh...Ah...? What amazing weapon, that cool incredible scythe. Where did you get that amazing weapon?

Ash : Hey, kid. You alright?

Maka Albarn : Yeah, I'm alright.

Ash : Good thing you're alright, so, a pair of two girls brought you to here to train yourself as a hero.

Maka Albarn : And you are...?

Ash : My name is Ash, Ash Canaan. I'm one of the Good guys. That one over there wielding the scythe is Kireek.

Maka Albarn : Kireek...

Ash : He's a Hucast, a Hunter android and he's also a Government Black Hound.

Maka Albarn : Black Hound? You mean he's some kind of lap dog of the Government!?

Ash : Something like that, he helps players to train their characters and level up! He's the one that will help you getting stronger.

Maka Albarn : A hucast, wielding a scythe.

[Echo Night - Beyond OST : Track 2]

*Kireek walks up to Maka*

Kireek : Are you the one they call you "Maka Albarn"?

Maka Albarn : Yes, that's me.

Kireek : I am Kireek, A HUcast android sent by the Hunters Guild, you must be the girl from the Real World. What is your purpose of being over here?

Maka Albarn : I...I come from a town called San Francisco and I only moved from Japan.

Kireek : I would never thought that a girl from the real world would be the first of our trainees. Ash, this is what those two girls from the Reaper's castle brought her to train me, right.

Ash : Sure!

Kireek : Maybe this will be a great opportunity for me, for you to test your self as of great opportunity of becoming the greatest hero that you ever lived, I will show you the ways of what it means to be hero. Here, take my scythe, Soul Eater. It is a partisan that has the ability kill your enemies in on strike, but it also has the power to drain people's life forces and even the heart and souls, which is your Health Points called HP.

Maka Albarn : Soul Eater...I recognized that name before. Where have I seen that name before? It could be someone else. Anyway, I want to test out that scythe of yours. Please, just let me borrow it. I promise that it won't be broken, cause if I do, I'll be very unpleased I don't know how to even wield a scythe.

Kireek :It takes time to practice any weapon tactics and battle techniques. You will begin to use it wisely and it could be a great use in battle. You might have some set of skills, I heard you do a lot of stuff when you were inspired others to be the hero that you are, who did you inspired to become a hero all by yourself?

Maka Albarn : I guess it was my thanks to Shinra for making me the hero that I am today.

Kireek : Shinra, what a clever name for someone that is still in the real world. I guess he owed you any favors for following his footsteps, but it is wisely to be very careful about risking your life to those you want to express your ways into following one's footsteps into the hero route. So, will be you hero enough to face the threat against the real world, are you willingly to save your world, your planet, and the galaxy?

Maka Albarn : Of course...I know I can do it.

*Kireek gives his scythe to Maka*

Maka Albarn : I may have been following my dreams of whether I can become everyone's hero or not, I must follow one's footsteps of being the hero there is! I just gotta do what I must gotta do! I can follow those footsteps, no matter what the dangers lies within us! Come on, Witch Hunter!

*Maka uses his signature move*

Maka Albarn : Here goes!

*DBZ SFX : Energy Blast+Loud Explosion*

Maka Albarn : Woah! That power! D...Did I win? What was this power! It feels like that the scythe just powered on it's own!

Kireek : That's what left from the Ohkuboverse. It seems you have regained it's power system.

Maka Albarn : Power system. Like this game has a power system that you guys have. I mean, what kind of Power system do you use?

Kireek : Photon. Photon Blast are basically the power system of this world, it programmed by Sonic Team that allow others to summon Photon deities on whether the gauge is full for energy. You two used the power system called Soul Resonance, a technique invented by the legendary Shinra himself.

Maka Albarn : Shinra created this technique? Wonder what was his deal on making this technique so rare, how did he invented it.

Ash : Maybe it's because of your heart, souls can be powered by hearts. They combine and share the two forces together, making an incredible superpower to exist. But I just realize that technique was originated 1000 years before Shinra's death was occured by the hands of the Time Eater.

Maka Albarn : *gasp*...!? The...The Time Eater?

Ash : Hey, Kid. Do you remember anything when the Ohkuboverse was destroyed by the Time-Traveling entity?

*images shows Maka's corpse in the hands of Soul Evans*

[The Sign by Kenichi Tokoi]

Maka Albarn : Did I die...? Did I really Die by the hands of that...girl?

Maka Albarn : Time Eater....Killed by it's hands? How can I remember something that...That I died at the end of my story in the future, but I'm still here from the real world. How did I ended in the real world while my story ended in an ill-fated way. Am I...Am I going to see the Time Eater seeing me in the real world like this! I will not be killed by it's hands again, but if that ever happens to me, I can't let things go into total downfall! I am going to make the real world a better place for all heroes to live! And for me! I am Maka Albarn, hero of the brighter future! I will take Shinra's place the the greatest hero the world has ever seen!

[I Am...The Story is Over by Yutaka Minobe]

Ash : Heh! You maybe you got courage after all! Your heart is the sidekick that what makes you bravery, although you could be valorous to be the strongest hero. This definitely suits well. [To Kireek] Hey, Kireek. You thinking what I'm thinking?

Seto : Maka. Are you ready to become like one?

Solva : Yeah! You could be a hero that could protect the inncoence, fighting crime, and of especially the forces of EVIL!

Seto : Didn't you get that reference already?

Solva : Sorry, I had a little worried that I should be stop watching TV all the time. Guess that settles it.

Seto : Come on, kid. There's plenty of stuff for more than just hero work, I got my master's servants on the line. Don't worry, I found a wireless communication device that will get us on track. This is should be very exciting to tell the world that this girl will become the hero of the future that the world has ever seen before. This should be the idea of making me Shinigami, the title of me becoming Japan's greatest Death God of all time! Who says the charlatan in sheep's clothing can be outsmart me the young woman with a plan? Alright, Kid, you have a lot to ways, let's get you in top shape.

*shake hands in agreement*

Maka Albarn : Make me there!

"I am going to show the world what a hero can shine brightly..."

"A Hero doesn't wear a cape is fine by me..."

"Guess Girls knows how to fight with a better weapon, eh?..."

"Well this is my first chance to fight it all back!"

"Now! Let the world shine on me!"

~ Event 7 : Hero's Training Exercise~

[neteluvr-library]

okay im back again for my weekly reread of cardigan. anyways these next three chapters are so good and literally so fucking amazing and will never get over how good they are the dialogue is amazing and one of my favorite details EVER and i have been waiting for this moment for the last week weeks and im finally here AHHHHHHH i am excited to actually go through and leave my little notes hehehehe (not me playing around with the annotation formatting tumble is so annoying about indenting that i CANT)

It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

THE VISCERAL REACTION!!!!! "I pictured you with other girls in love Then threw up on the street" 😭 100% valid reaction I would do the same thing.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

ITS GETTING GOODDDD 😭

There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

BABY THATS THE CALM BEFORE THE STORM !!!!!!

...but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life.

Neteyam annoyed me so bad during this like bro omg maybe you should have said all this BEFOREEEEE it was too late 😭 men have the worst timing HE HAD PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITY DAMN IT

You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating.

NO BC like...i took astronomy class in college and was proud to get this reference hahaah like it really is sad that stars are so beautiful and bring us so much comfort, yet their time is limited. i think its a perfect reflection of what atan believes her life to be

There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

SHES DOWN BAD YOUR HONOR!!! at this point atan is just so done with life, both physically and mentally, that it literally does not matter anymore. you can tell she's given up on hope completely and is a shell of a person right now

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

MAN JAKE BETTER STFU!!!!!!! like don't piss me off . i get his concern but he better watch his tone with atan. POOR BBY IS SUFFERING AND NEEDS LOVE AND INSTEAD, ALL SHE GETS IS BETRAYAL!!!!

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

THATS RIGHT ATAN GET HIS ASS 😭 no but what does jake expect? that's a huge fucking betrayal and she has every right to feel as angry and hurt. like she spent the last few years guarded and to herself, and the one time atan decides to push that to the side, she is betrayed by everyone. like i get that it was neteyam's responsibility and even jake threatened him before and told neteyam he needed to to tell atan, it doesn't sit right with me that they all had her looking stupid especially when they all know just how much of a bond they had together. the second atan got her new body, both neytiri and jake should have had a serious conversation with neteyam 😭

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

Tuk standing and wondering what the fuck did she do wrong HAHAHAHA

For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

):

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

FIRST OFF OUCH!!!!!!! atan thinking that she is so forgettable that she even has to question whether of no neteyal would remember her. i 100% think he would without a doubt, atan would be like a mythical legand to his kids (you know, if she actually died). but also it's very sad that she has to question whether she will end up like her father because life has been so cruel to her. like woah how did her life even get to this point where there's a possibility she could relive her dad's fate despite having lived completely different lives?

“Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

THIS WHOLE LITTLE SPEECH 😭 i think everyone has thought this to themselves at one point if their lives, perhaps even their lowest point of life, because like yeah what is her purpose?? what was she meant to do? it can be so harrowing trying to figure out your purpose in life when all life wants to do is be mean to you. this was just so relatable and i love it ): I think Atan is probably the most relatable to mean than out of your other female characters ahahaha

You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left.

RAW AS FUCK!!!! (literally her arm is probably raw af) but i think this was an important detail for us to visualize just how far atan is from being okay and any semblance of normal. i mentioned this another chapter, but i really do love the inclusion of atan's dependence on drugs to keep her going because its the most poignant way to showcase someone's depression and despair.

You gave it a fair shot, this life thing

AGAIN, SHES ONLY A BABY ): SHES ONLY 18!!!!!! i think at 18 i felt like i knew everything, but looking back, its still so young and its so sad because at 18 you still have so much to live for and atan just felt like she didn't ):

You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out.

I always loved this line!!!! because like a wild animal, atan is just defending herself from everyone around her and her inevitable death. she's no longer herself.

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13?

ATAN RELEASE BACK TO BACK BOMBS ON NORM ON THIS SCENE it must have felt so good for her to get all of this off her. SHES TELLING EVERYONE OFF, because what else does she have to live for? might as well burn the bridges and die with everything being said, no matter how mean or nasty it may be.

Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you.

For some reason, this reminded me of these lyrics from You're Losing Me:

How long could we be a sad song 'Til we were too far gone to bring back to life? I gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy And all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

This was so beautiful ): their relationship is so interesting because there's such a dichotomy between them. like both of them have both painful and loving memories with each other but its like how could that be at the same time??? like i said with neteyam before, i think they both love so hard that it becomes painful which has unfortunately lead to them the mess they're in right now

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING VOMITTING I CANJNT neteyam being her rock ):

Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

let's unpack that babygirl

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

DONT PISS ME OFF NETEYAM!!!! i truly think men are very stupid and at their core....just men.n even the most dreamiest of men, like neteyam, are men. i just cant get behind his reasoning even when he explains himself with so much emotion. because like THATS the best he could come up with? like how is he both selfish and selfless at the same time? it just feels like he's so centered on himself that even in his valiant efforts, he wasn't truly thinking about atan and how this might affect her. like who are you to decide that for atan, she is capable of making her own decisions and choosing who she wants in her life. i have beef with him now LMFAO maybe you can give me some clarity

just you and me

hehehehheheheh

Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

.....but you still left her.

You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes.

EXACTLY!!!!! i just cant wrap my head around neteyam's reasoning. i wish i had more words to describe how i feel about it but i cant actually verbalize it into a sentence.

The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

you are so poetic like i will never get over it

To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

Cause they see right through me They see right through me They see right through Can you see right through me?

no bc this life was so relatable to me and i felt so called out and i still feel called out because i truly feel like this sometimes. and its like atan was just so good at hiding her hurt and it makes me so sad to realize that no one know just how much she was hurting ): i know she wanted it that way but to have all of that on display for someone else to see is, again, another way to showcase just how far gone she is from her "normal" self

All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out

Neteyam gagged her omg...

What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you?

NO LITERALLY WHAT WAS ATAN THINKING like as much as i think neteyam is bad for leaving her, atan is even worse for not telling everyone she was dying. like it would be so traumatizing just to die and leave everything and everybody unresolved because atan was too afraid to speak the truth.

OKAY I STARTED THIS AT LIKE 6:30 AND ITS CURRENTLY 8:11 DAMN!!!!!!!!! to be fair i was going back and fourth between my phone and this and im gonna draft it until i finish the other two chapters but no way im gonna finish it all tonight especially for the next chapter LOL

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VIII: My Tears Ricochet

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: All secrets are revealed and both you and Neteyam have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, limited mentions of Y/N, did i mention angst, angst and more angst?

Word Count: 10,3k words (the first couple chapters were 3k, how did we get here??!)

A/N: This chapter killed me a little inside. I cried multiple times writing it, so I guess fair warning. I wanted really badly to build strong, round characters who had flaws and strengths and strong reasoning for acting a certain way/doing certain things. I wanted to write this story from both character's perspective, so it is clear that in life, each person will think they are right, that their reasoning was the correct one, when in reality, we are all a little right and a little wrong in everything we do, and it is always worth trying to see things from the other's perspective. We are coming towards the end of this first series, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this journey. As always, thank you so much for everyone who engaged with it, I loved reading ALL of your comments and replies, they really make my day.

(Also, I feel like I am playing my own little game of "how many Taylor Swift and OG Avatar lyrics/quotes/references I can reasonably fit in a story without it being obnoxious" and I can't tell if I'm winning or not.)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

You registered the girl asking you if you were alright, but you couldn’t see in front of you, the entire room spinning like the inside of a mirrorball. You felt your body rise from where it was sat next to Neteyam’s, and shakily made your way out. Neteyam’s mate. Neteyam’s mate was next to you, asking you if you need help. It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” you manage to blurt out weakly.

You heard more commotion, and faintly made out Jake’s voice and his arm on your shoulder, trying to bring you back to them.

“Neteyam, what the hell happened?”

You didn’t hear Neteyam speak. He was quiet and you were glad. You didn’t want to hear his voice, not now, and not for the rest of your life.

The world came back to focus eventually, and you spit aggressively trying to get rid of the taste of acid in your mouth. You removed Jake’s hand from your back, and left. The thought of speaking or even looking at any of them was too much to bear. You ran, harder than you ever had before, back to where you just came from, the Ikran nest in the village. You immediately recognised your own, beautiful, gold and white, pure, unlike the rest of this world. Neyn (light colours, shades of white)… fitting name, you thought. You made the tsaheylu quickly, and without a second thought, took off.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

You had no thoughts as you flew above the forest and made your way towards the general direction of the Hallelujah mountains. You realised you didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t know how you were going to find your way back, but it didn’t matter. Were you even going to ever return? There were no tears, no sadness, just emptiness. The pieces of your heart broke so finely they turned into dust, blown away in the wind of the night. Eventually you found the mountains, easy enough to spot, even in the darkness, the fluorescent flora marking the territory with an easy-to-see glow. You flew like this, for enough time that your lungs were running out of breath and your skin felt battered by the wind, but you kept going. You felt so free, so weightless. There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

You saw a distant mountain that looked brighter than the others, and you made your way to it and were amazed to find a little cave in it, bright and colourful, a little piece of heaven on a planet that was heaven in and of itself. Neyn landed softly on the edge of the mountain and you dismounted effortlessly and approached her head, giving her pets on her neck, to which she cooed gently. She was the only friend you had, you realise. You were all alone.

“Neteyam, what happened?”

Neteyam was dragged in the tent by his dad, who was fuming. No matter what feelings his dad was feeling, they couldn’t compare to Neteyam’s anguish and terror. Why the hell was she there? She just had to wait another couple of hours and this would have never happened.

“She was patching my wound up when Tiongli came in the tent, announcing to the world she is my mate. Said mother told her about my injury.”

“Don’t you dare blame this on your mother, boy.” the Sully patriarch’s nose was flared, eyes looking at him intensely with anger and disappointment. Neteyam’s eyes filled with tears, and he felt his heart hurting so much like the gash was there instead of his arm.

“I was going to tell her tonight, dad. After dinner. I was going to tell her everything, and I was going to ask her to be my mate. I was going to come to you both and ask you to undo the engagement. I understand that a year and a half ago I gave up on her, I did it for a reason, I thought there was no future for us, and that we were hurting each other. But things have changed. She has changed. She’s going to be one of the people soon and I want her to be mine.”

“Neteyam, you can’t undo the engagement. You have known Tiongli your whole life, her family’s been expecting this since you were both young. You gave your word before Eywa, son.”

“I love her, dad. Do you understand that? I have loved her all of my life. It killed me having to leave, it killed me knowing there was no future, because she was human. But she’s not just human anymore. I was willing to go through with this for the sake of the village, for the sake of the family and the future, but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life. Mother was betrothed to uncle Tsu’tey, and she gave that up for you. It was done before Eywa, and she didn’t care. Because she loved you and she knew that was enough. She gave up being Tsahik, her birth right, so she can have you. I will not give up on her, dad. Mother wouldn’t have given up on you.”

“I have to find her. I have to make this right.”

You were sprawled on your back, feeling goosebumps form along your limbs from the cold grass. You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating. Will you even still be alive when they come? Will everything you have gone through these few months matter? Will everything you have gone through in this life matter? All the pain, and the hurt, and the grief, just so you can die at 18 from a virus. The universe was cruel, you thought. It was a fitting end, though. Meaningless and daft, like your entire life was. Born on a planet you were not made to be able to survive on, your real planet a long-forsaken dream you will never experience for yourself, surrounded by nature that could kill you in an instant. Alone, never fitting anywhere, orphaned by human diseases: cancer and greed. Left to fend for yourself when you were just ten, learning to navigate a life that only seemed to want to clobber you to the ground whenever you thought you finally could stand up again.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel, not anymore. You wanted to fight for something, for the chance at life, or at retribution, or at love. You were dying and Neteyam killed whatever hope remained in you. They all did. Norm, Max, Jake, Neytiri, Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, all accomplices, all aware, all willing to lie to your face for weeks with no remorse. You thought you were good at spotting liars, now you just knew how little you knew about everything.

The pain in your soul mirrored the one in your body, as you felt the morphine wearing off and your human body struggling to keep the mind steady for the link. You had to bear it, because this pain was more manageable than the one you knew waited for you in your human form, when you would be alone in a dark room with only your nightmares to keep you company.

With a sigh and a peer up at the sky, you hoped whatever comes after death was better than the hell you’ve lived in the majority of this life.

Neteyam waited the whole night in your tent, waited for you to come back, becoming increasingly worried as the hours passed and you didn’t show. He wanted to go and look for you, but knew that as soon as you got on your ikran, the chances of finding you were thin. He would go to the lab as soon as dawn broke, but for now, he was praying that you would just burst through the tent opening so he can talk you down.

He fucked up, badly. He cringed at the thought of how much he seemed to not be able to get anything right when it comes to you. Everything he did or didn’t do ended up hurting you more, the only thing he didn’t want, the only thing in the world he continuously tried to avoid.

He was consoled by the fact that he would have a lifetime to make it up to you. He will not give up trying, no matter how long, no matter how hard, he was determined to win you back and keep you, forever.

As you made it back to your human body in the early hours of the morning, you regretted waiting so long, as your body was in indescribable agony, the likes with which you didn’t know was possible for the human body to ever experience. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, you were sweating bullets and every bone and muscle in your body throbbed with enough intensity to make it almost impossible for you to get up from the pod. Everyone must be asleep at this hour, you thought. You had to make it to your bed, you had to get at least a couple of hours of rest if you were going to live to see another day. As if you were taking the Iknimaya again, you made your way form the lab to the medical ward and injected another dose of the morphine in your system. There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

You crashed in your room for a few hours and quickly made your way back to the pod before anyone else was there to talk to. You started the linkpod by yourself and got in without hesitation.

Waking up in your Avatar body was a strange experience, as you were still in the Hallelujah mountains where you fell asleep last night. Neyn did not leave you, you noted, and she was peacefully resting next to you, cooing softly in her sleep.

“Hey, beautiful girl. Time to go back. It would be useful if you knew the way.” you pet her gently, trying not to disturb her. She woke up and pushed her snoot in your chest, and you felt it swell for this animal that you had an unbreakable bond with; you were grateful you had done the Iknimaya and at least gained a life companion from that horrible day.

As suspected, Neyn knew where to take you, and in about an hour you made it back to the village. You dreaded it, dreaded the inevitable interaction, but you knew you had to go back at some point and inform them of your whereabouts.

It was still early, so the village wasn’t quite bustling with energy yet. You quietly made it back to your tent, which you found empty. You grabbed your bow and arrows, knife and gun and a couple extra magazines. You didn’t know if you were going to be back. As you were making your way out, your head bumped into a large, muscular chest.

Fuck.

“Where the hell were you all night, kid? None of us slept a wink last night worrying.”

“Out.”

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

You laughed at the irony of his words. He caught your arm as you were walking away and pulled you back forcefully so you can face him.

“You are not going anywhere.”

“Let go.” Jake raised a brow at your words. He was not used to being spoken this way, you realise.

“How long?”

His grasp on you loosened, and his gaze softened when you peered up at him through eyelashes to which tears clung.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Kid…”

“How fucking long, Jake?”

He let go of your arm at your curse, which had never been directed at him before.

“Watch your tone, kid.”

“You made me feel like shit for learning to shoot guns without you. It made you feel bad, right? Knowing I purposefully left you out of something you could have been useful at, something we could have bonded over? I hurt you, by pushing you and Neytiri away for so many years, and I am sorry for that, but you have never, in your life, tried to understand me. So you gave me shit about something you didn’t understand, and I hurt so much inside at the thought of all I gave away by my reluctance to trust, to love, to let people in. So I changed. I let you in. I was here, everyday, acting like a perfect little daughter for you, the daughter I knew you wanted. Strong, capable, skilled. I let Neytiri in. I started calling her mum in my dreams, and although the guilt for my own mother gnawed at my insides silently, I was also relived, to finally have a family again, or for the first time.

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

I trusted you, Jake. You fucking lied to my face for months. Every time I asked where Neteyam was at dinners and you told me he was practicing, every day you plotted to get me out of the village as early morning as humanly possible and get me back after everyone else was fast asleep, I knew it in my heart you were lying, but you were all so good at it, I thought I was going crazy. But no, it was all a carefully planned ruse to not find out you made me come here and be part of the people just to watch the man I love belong to someone else without even a chance to decide for myself how to feel about it.”

The fight brought out the rest of the Sully family out of their tent, and they were all watching you now, concern and sadness displayed across their beautiful faces.

“You all lied to me. Looked me in the fucking eyes and lied to me, every day, multiple times a day. You were supposed to be my family.

The humans are coming. I will be here. I will stand and fight, you know I will. I will be your little soldier, and be who you made me into.

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

You were no longer delightfully numb, but burning with anger and earth-shattering sorrow as you stalked away from the village, leaving everything behind. Your eyes were blurry with endless tears, mourning this life and this family that you managed to gain and lose within the span of a few weeks, reeling from the wounds within your heart that never had a chance to mend before being opened again, over and over. You didn’t want to go back to the lab, knowing Neteyam was most likely looking for you there. You couldn’t go to the clearing for the same reason. You had no home anymore, no place in this world, once again. You could only think of one place to go, one place where no one would ever look for you.

Your knees were shaking furiously as you walked, and you were scared of another flashback that you would have to ride out by yourself, but it never came. You just walked, crying and panting from all the pain the last 24 hours brought, and eventually you made it to a place you never thought you would ever see again. The clearing looked peaceful, with rays of light penetrating through tree branches, creating Mandalas on the ground that you found yourself tracing with your eyes.

In the corner, lay a decrepit exo suit, and you made your way to it, settling on the ground next to it. You knew now this exo suit belonged to your dad, and you removed some vines that grew on top of his name, Gideon Barlowe. A beautiful name, you thought, and your mind wandered to the past, a past way before you were even born, and wondered what your grandparents did back on Earth. Did they encourage their son to leave his own planet in pursuit of planetary colonisation, monetary gain and murderous acts? Did they know? Did he know? Was he like that his whole life, or did he start off fighting the good fight, and was corrupted by the jagged and monstrous lifestyle? You wondered if this was what he has always dreamt of doing, or he had secret dreams of being a painter, or a gardener. Did he play guitar, too? You snored sometimes, did you get that from him? You had so many questions for this man you shared half your DNA with, but have never met. For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

Sobbing uncontrollably, you heard yourself speak in between wails. “Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

A little past eclipse, you arrived at the lab, and used the keycard you remembered to bring with you. You hoped Neteyam would be gone by now, in case he was trying to find you here. You made your way through the hub and into your bedroom, which looked tiny in your Avatar body. You realise how uncomfortable it must have been for him to be here so often, then cursed your brain for making you think about such things. Your Avatar body needed a bed, so you walked slowly to where the other Avatar bodies usually were laid to rest for the night. There should be an empty space where your mum or Grace used to sleep. It didn’t take long for you to wake up back in the linkpod, as with most nights recently, you were barely able to maintain the neurolink by the time evening came.

Max was waiting for you. “Neteyam came by. He’s been looking for you, said you left the village yesterday and didn’t come back. He was worried sick.”

You didn’t answer him, as you slowly got out of the pod and tried to steady your feet on the ground, harder than it seemed when the entire room was spinning around you.

“What happened?”

“The mate you all hid from me for weeks came announcing herself in my tent as we were just about to kiss.”

“Any other questions?”

You didn’t wait for a response before you made your way out of the room, stalking towards the medical ward.

As you retired to your room for the night, you noted the morphine was not working as well as used to anymore. You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left. Maybe a couple of days. A couple more days of this. And then it would finally be over. You gave it a fair shot, this life thing. You couldn’t say you felt particularly sad at the thought of it ending. You pressed play on your vintage record player and let yourself sleep.

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, til my dying day”

You spent the next 2 days in a haze, drugged out of your mind, waking up before eclipse and leaving to your dad’s grave and sleeping in the woods until the night, barely able to make it on your own two feet. Even in your human body, Neyn recognised you, and stood by you, which gave you some peace of mind. You made sure to bring her fruits from the lab, and she cooed warmly as she settled next to you.

When you made your way back that night, Norm was waiting.

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s been looking for you for 3 fucking days.”

You removed your oxygen mask and made your way to the room, where he followed you. You were in so much pain you couldn’t see straight.

“I am talking to you!” he took you by your arm and spun you around. The motion made you instantly sick, and you struggled to keep down the fruits you shared with your ikran.

“Let go of me, Norm.” you had no strength in your body anymore, so it took you awhile to shake him off.

“You look like shit. What did you do?”

You managed to make it to the bathroom, where you shut the door behind you and got in the shower. Fortunately, for you or him, you couldn’t tell, Norm was gone when you came out.

The next morning, you woke up desperately searching for pain relief and didn’t know if you were going to be able to make it to the ward before your knees would collapse on themselves. You were shaking and dizzy, out of your mind with agony and walking to the bathroom felt like the most intensive workout you have ever done. You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out. It was too much for you to bear, and before you could even think or rationalise, you felt your fingers curl into a fist and make contact with the cold glass of the mirror, shattering in dozens of pieces, and it made you weirdly happy to have a visual representation of how your soul felt. The instant pain of the all the wounds the smash caused also gave you a weird sense of euphoria, and you realised it was taking away from the pain in the rest of the body, which was only able to focus on one agonising sensation at a time. This felt like a kiss by comparison, and you knew then you could go on a little longer, you could continue with the rest of the day.

Norm came bursting through the door at the loud crash.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

You came out of your bathroom, blood dripping all over the floor as you made your way to the bed, sitting down on it.

“Leave, Norm.”

“What?”

“Leave.”

“What the hell has gotten into you recently. you are rude and brash, and you hurt people’s feelings with no remorse. This isn’t you.”

“What the hell do you know about me, Norm?” you say, laughing bitterly.

“Ace, stop.”

“You don’t know anything, Norm.” you kept going, the fury and hurt getting the best of you, once again, your need to destroy everything in your path as a way to cope with your own heartbreak winning by a landslide.     

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13? I have been slowly depleting our sleeping pill and benzodiazepines inventory and replacing it with multivitamin pills I found in one of the drawers. I mean thank God none of you suffer from anxiety or panic disorder or need help sleeping cause I would have been busted so long ago.”

You laughed mockingly at his shocked face, jaw so close the floor now you could trip on it on your way out.

“Did you know I am about a week and a half away from dying after I accidentally smashed a vial of infected blood and got it in my mouth?”

You stand corrected, you think now his jaw was close enough to the floor to trip on it.

“Did you know I have upgraded from a pill addiction to a full blown opioid addiction in order to not collapse on the floor in excruciating pain because of the way this virus is eating at my insides? Yeah, yeah, that’s right. We’re almost out of a whole vial of morphine after I injected it in my veins every day for a while now.”

He had no words. “That’s about right.”

“I do know one thing you do know, though. You know that Neteyam had his mate announcement ceremony that day I took off. You were there to see the two love birds announce their love and pledge their commitment to each other the one day I was not there. And that’s why you were acting shifty. You know about that. And somehow you forgot to tell me, every day, for weeks. How does that work out, Norm, hmm?”

“I felt so bad for snapping at you a couple of days ago. I felt like a horrible fucking person for hurting your feelings. I should have been watching my back, instead.”

You got up from your bed and started walking towards the door.

“If I were you I would not linger in a room with poisoned blood dripping on the floor for too long.”

You found some paper towels at the side of your bed and wrapped them around your bleeding, pained hand, and with that, you left.

After you upped the morphine you usually took, you went to the lab and prepped a hood for some more experiments. Work was a good way to get your mind off things, to mindlessly do something that had a purpose other than driving you to the brink of insanity.

You heard a loud banging noise coming from the entrance, and you had a sneaking suspicion you knew who it was. You heard Norm open the door.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, but Neteyam, I think you should go. She’s not in a good place, and I really don’t think doing this will end well for either of you.”

“I don’t care, I have to talk to her, I have been looking for her for 3 fucking days.”

You heard the door to the lab slide open and hissed at the man you knew would be trying to come in, realising hissing in a human body doesn’t have nearly the same effect.

“Get the fuck out, Neteyam. This is a sterile room.”

“I don’t fucking care about the room, Atan. Where the fuck have you been? Please come out so we can talk.”

You threw your head back and laughed, really laughed.

“You really are delusional if you think there is any way in heaven and hell I would want to hear anything you have got to say. The time for talking was a couple months ago, Neteyam. The time for talking was the first day I got my Avatar body, where in addendum to telling me you own my ass now, you could have also sprinkled in the fact your are now mated with someone else.”

“I am not mated with anyone, for fuck’s sake. Just come out so we can talk, please. I will explain everything, please!”

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him, for the first time since that day. He looked exhausted, anguished. Deep purple bags under his eyes, that were burning red where the whites should be. He has been crying. Good, you thought. He looked panicked and miserable and desperate for you to give him the time of day, for you to allow him to explain the unexplainable.

You sighed and your heart constricted in pain. Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you. At the same time, you were curious, morbidly curious as to what has actually happened, what led to this moment. You knew he loved you. You knew that much, but it didn’t seem to matter in this moment, as he broke your heart for what felt like the thousandth time in your short life.

“Go to the clearing, I’ll come when I’m ready.”

You half considered just leaving him there to wait, abandoning him just he did to you. You finished splitting your cells and treating them, and in about an hour, you went into the linkpod and took your Avatar for a walk in the woods. You reached the clearing shortly, as it was close enough that even child you could do it without getting too far away from the building.

You saw him standing there, his back turned to you and his legs submerged in the river that was rushing violently downstream. It was a cold day, and rain was trickling down your body like shivers from a kiss. There was tension in the air, and you knew a storm was coming. You could practically feel the charge in the atmosphere, and were expecting thunder to start any minute now, ready to mirror the agony in your soul.

“I’m here.”

He didn’t speak for a while. Just stood looking at the river, deep in thought.

“So many of our moments throughout the years happened here. Remember when I taught you to swim in the river? Now, in retrospective, that was a bad idea since the water kept taking you away, to the point I had to wait at the end so I could catch you in my arms, like you were a baby.”

You winced at the memory.  You thought you could do this. You felt numb in that lab, numb on the way here, but as soon as your eyes focused on him, tears starting pooling in your eyes and pain overtook your body, that you tried to counteract by wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. He’s caused you so much hurt, so much grief in the years he’s known you. But he was also at the forefront of most of your happiest memories. You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

That is why this hurt so much, why your body was convulsing on itself in insurmountable grief. And also why you owed him this much. Owed him this conversation, and the right to explain his point of view, that you were still unfamiliar with.

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

“Fuck, Y/N, all I did before I left is hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” You were confused at the turn this conversation took. What did he mean? You couldn’t recall a single time Neteyam hurt you before you left. Sure, you would fight and bicker sometimes, but it was a normal part of any relationship, you thought. And he always made it up to you, would always come to the lab and sit with you with flowers he collected or trinkets he found in the woods, always holding you and kissing your forehead to make sure you were over it before he had to leave. Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

“I almost fucking killed you. Or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten how I manipulated you into getting on top of an ikran when you were just a 13 year old human and almost watched you die? Have you forgotten I took you to the woods and raced you to your dad’s remains? I was a walking magnet for disasters in your life and I was tired, so fucking tired of watching your life fall apart all around me. I had to watch you learn to walk again, limp because of my actions, for years. I had to pull you out of flashbacks and nightmares you developed because of ME. You were always fine in the woods with Lo’ak or Kiri, but everything bad that has happened to you happened around me.”

He was crying, panting and angry, at himself or you or the universe, you couldn’t tell.

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

You had no words to speak as you lay there, listening to him letting you in to a secret you have spent so many months agonising over. The reason for his departure haunted you for a year and a half, even when you refused to think about him, about it, it was there, constantly emerging from the depths of your subconsciousness, taunting you in your dreams. Why? Why? Why?

Because he wanted to protect you?

You didn’t have time to process all of this new information, before he continued.

“The night you found your dad, I was shaken to my core, in a way I have never truly been before. I was so heartbroken, for you and for myself, for knowing this will haunt you for the rest of your life. I went home and mother found me, and told me that maybe I can’t help you in the way I’ve always wanted. That maybe it’s better for you that I remove myself for a while and leave you room to breathe and heal. So I did. It took me a long time to get the strength to do it. Every time I thought today is the day, I would see you and you would smile at me, and we would sit on your bed and you would read to me or play me songs or just be there, just you and me, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You were everything to me, my light in all the darkness.

A year later, you sang me the song and you were smiling at me singing it, and I knew you were confessing feelings we have both felt for years and couldn’t say out loud. And I knew that if I stayed, whatever we had would escalate past the point of no return. If I stayed, that would be it. And that’s when I decided. I thought I was doing us both a favour. I knew it would hurt you, just as much as it hurt me, but I thought the pain would subside in time.”

You were crying now, you realised, tears falling silently and effortlessly down your face, with no intention to ever stop, instantly washed away by the pouring rain. There were no sounds, no sobs or wails, or panted breaths, just the sounds of rain and hopeless, soft cries and muffled sniffles, for the man in front of you, for all that you have lost, for the past you shared and the future that you would never have.

He got up from where he stood and turned around to face you. He walked towards you until he was so close to you could feel his breath on your face. His stare made goosebumps appear on your entire body, so earnest and desperate, so full of intensity for the words he was trying to convey to you.

“It didn’t.” He said, at the same time you thought the same words in your mind.

“A few years ago, mother and father told me I would one day have to find a mate. They knew and I knew it was expected of me, but I always put it off, so they eventually dropped it. I learnt later they both knew about us, so they didn’t push me into anything until they felt I was ready. A few months after they realised I decided to leave, they started bringing it up again. I didn’t want to hear it, but they said it was time, as I had refused for years longer than what was acceptable in the clan. I met with so many girls, all from good families, all healers in training, all wrong. Beautiful girls, smart girls, skilled healers and singers, and it was like looking at the grey walls of your lab. I felt nothing, I felt sick just thinking about it, like just the thought would be betraying the memory of our bond. Eventually, I told them they can decide. Grandma can decide whatever she thinks is best, and, as Tsahik, I would listen to her voice and wisdom, and do my duty to the clan. She chose Tiongli. I knew her growing up, and we were friendly, so I tried to make an effort. I would go to her tent, and she would show me her training sometimes, I would let her heal my wounds and imagined it was your hands touching me instead. I visited her family and paid my respects, and had dinner with them whenever they invited me. I hoped in time, I could learn to care for her, to lessen the distaste in my mouth whenever my family or the clan talked about the future, about the ceremony, about the life I was supposed to lead that I hated even the thought of.

And then, one day, my dad sent me to get Lo’ak from the lab. I was so scared of knowing I would have to see you again. It had been so long, and so many feelings gnawed at me on the walk there, terror and anxiety, guilt and longing. But then I saw you, and there was only one feeling: love. Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

He slowly took your face in his hands, and his thumb was caressing your cheek trying to wipe the tears and raindrops that were falling mercilessly. You saw his face slowly getting closer to yours, and you knew you should pull away, you should remove yourself from his grasp before the kiss was going to remove the last ounce of happiness from you. You knew what you had to do, knew that no matter what information or answers or justifications he would give you today, they wouldn’t matter. You should pull away, because there is no future, no hope. But you couldn’t. You didn’t know what waited for you in the afterlife, but if there was any chance you would have your memories, you wanted this kiss to haunt you forever, to remind you of the life you left behind.

His lips touched yours so gently, it felt like a whisper. Like a hug, tender and warm, it was so different than your first kiss. Tears were still running down your face as your lips moved, entangled with his and begging for more. Your hands went to his chest, to his neck, to his back, just touching him, trying to memorise his body, this feeling. You wanted so much more, you wanted to be his, you wanted to feel him, you wanted him to own you, like he did your heart, which has been his your entire life and will still be his after your death.

You were a mess of wet tangled limbs and panted breaths by the end, and eventually, he broke the kiss to look at you through teary eyes.

“I love you, I will always love you. I am so sorry.”

“I love you, too.”

“But this doesn’t change anything, Neteyam.”

“Thank you, for finally telling me why you left. For giving me some closure for something that has plagued me for so long, it became a constant part of my nightmares. Thank you for having my best interest at heart; it couldn’t have been easy to leave, if you didn’t want to, it took a strong heart to do something that hurt you for what you thought was the lesser evil. But it doesn’t change anything.”

“You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes. The ikran ride is still a beautiful memory to me. You made it a beautiful memory. If it weren’t for your quick thinking, we probably would have both died at the hands of Toruk. You saved my life, Neteyam. You carried me home and stayed with me while I was having surgery, you stayed with me after, while I recovered. You pulled me out of the worst panic attack I have ever had when I found my dad, and you rode out so many of my flashbacks, I have lost count. You weren’t the cause or the common denominator of these events, I was. I am the one plagued by misfortune and hurt and death. Not you. And if you tell me you had to leave to save your own peace of mind, I would respect that. I don’t know anyone in this world who can take this, take me and all the shit that follows me everywhere I go. I don’t blame you.

But if you tell me that you did this for me, that I can’t accept. I didn’t ask for any of this. You gave me no choice, and no say in this relationship, in our shared life. You just left. I deserved better than that. And I deserved better than to find out about a mate after months of lies and manipulation and deceit. I don’t care. I don’t care if you are going to say that you didn’t want it, or you were going to undo it, or that you’ve always loved me and never her. I don’t care. You lied to me, you manipulated me. You accused me of fucking your brother as you were promised to another woman that you hid from me for months. I do blame you for that, and I will never be able to forgive you.”

“Please, Atan…I will tell her no. I will tell her -.” he was sobbing now, his hands still on your face, pleading.

“No.” you slowly took his hands in yours and removed them from your face.

“I think you should do it, Neteyam. She is a good girl, she will make a good Tsahik, and a good mate. Your mother was right, there is no future here - there never was. I love you, so much. But I think you have broken my heart one too many times. I am done.”

You turned your back and walked away from him and the life that was lost - forever.

You were completely soaked when you arrived in the lab, and you went straight to the Avatar laying room and cried. Cried until it felt like no more tears could possibly come out of you. You cried yourself to sleep and then cried in the pod, on the way to your bedroom, and in bed until your human body eventually collapsed from exhaustion. You cried in your dreams, in which Neteyam was kissing you and touching you, doing all the things you were silently begging him to in your mind just a few hours ago.

Eventually, nightfall came, and you had to get up to do the rest of your experiments and top up your analgesic. Ironically enough, you were making real progress on your work. You found a combination therapy that was showing incredible potential in slowing the virus down. It wasn’t enough to stop and eradicate it, but it was enough to give people more time and hopefully give the scientists more time to find a cure. It wouldn’t help you, but maybe you could still help others.

At some paint through the night, as you were making up some reagents, Norm bursts through the door holding a bunch of equipment and some pills, you realise. He puts them down on the bench behind you and speaks.

“Right, stop whatever you are doing, right now.”

“I am in the middle of something.”

“I don’t fucking care. Stop, now.”

You were taken aback at his words and attitude. Norm never got mad, or lost his composure. He was so most well balanced person you knew.

You put the pipette gun down and turned around to face him.

“I still need to adjust the pH on this.”

He ignored you while he prepared the myriad of little gadgets he brought with him. He motioned for you to take off your lab coat, and you rolled your eyes in annoyance, but did as you were told regardless. You were too tired to argue anymore.

He raised the sleeves of your top until they couldn’t go any further up your arm and put a blood pressure monitor on you. You felt tension as its sleeve tightened around you painfully, but eventually it gave out with a puff, and you heard beeping as the machine finished its reading. You looked to your right where the monitor lay, and saw red lights flashing, letting Norm know your blood pressure and pulse were dangerously low. His eyes widened slightly at the sight, but he held his composure, removing the gadget from around your arm and putting it away. He then read your oxygen levels, which you saw were constantly dabbling between 89 and 90%. Not good, you thought. No wonder you could barely breathe anymore. Norm cursed silently under his breath, trying to not let you see him, but if there was one thing you were good at, it’s reading people. Well, you thought you were, at least.

“Did you do any tests on your blood? How is your complete blood count looking?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Why the fuck not, Ace? It’s not like you don’t know how to do it.”

He was angry, really angry. You’ve never seen Norm this angry, you’ve never seen Norm acting this way towards you.

You just shrugged. With a huff of annoyance, he took your arm and prepared a needle and syringe to collect some blood. He gulped and you could see tears forming in his eyes when he looked at the violet bruises and needle holes that were plastered along the length of your brachial vein.

“Just didn’t get around to it.”

“You didn’t - Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“What medicine have you been taking? Did you take the Relenta, or the combination therapy we have been working on?”

“Neither.”

You swear you saw Norm’s entire body enter a catatonic state and he turned so red you were worried he was going to release steam out of his ears.

“You have been sick for a month and did not take anything, none of the treatments we have been working on?”

You couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, finding comfort in the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“I can’t believe you. I didn’t peg you for someone who would just throw their life away meaninglessly. Your mum had to die because we didn’t have a way to treat her illness, and here we are, with a solution that YOU came up with for your own illness, and you will just not even try?”

You were quiet, not really having a way to rebut his questions.

“Fine. We will start you on the combination treatment tonight and take it from there. There’s other things we haven’t tried yet and I’m sure -“

“NO.”

“I’m not asking you. I’m not letting you fucking die.”

“Why must you always fucking try to fix everything, Norm? Some things can’t be fixed. I don’t want the fucking pills. I am done. I want this to be done.”

“So you’ll just die? Is that what you’re saying? You want to die, and not even fucking TRY to see if there is more to this life. Goddamn it, Y/N. I thought having the Avatar would help you realise life is worth living, there’s beauty in this world beyond the walls of this lab. You got your first kill, you did the Iknimaya, you’re going to become one of the people. Don’t you want to see what your future holds? Don’t you want to live to see yourself grow up? Fall in love, start a family. There are more guys in this world than just Neteyam.”

You gave Norm a dirty look and got out of the lab.

Neteyam felt his whole body reel after your conversation. It didn’t change anything, he thought bitterly. He thought explaining it to you, allowing to see that he had good reasons for his actions would allow you to forgive him, to at least allow him the opportunity to make it up to you through time. You left, just like he had so long ago, but there was a finality to you that he didn’t feel then. Back then, he always had hope that a miracle would still be possible, one in which you got an Avatar, healed and loved him, forever. He wanted to love you forever, but his apology and explanations were not enough.

He lost you, again.

He spent the night flying on his Ikran, just flying and letting the rain soak his thoughts and hurt away. He just wanted to disappear. He wanted the rain to melt his bones until there was nothing left of him but the memory of happier times.

In the early hours of the morning, he made it back to the village, trying to hide his cried out eyes and calamitous grief. He was dreading having to talk to his parents, to explain to them what happened, to have to go through with Tiongli and this future he didn’t want and will have to suffer through for the rest of his life. He didn’t have time to worry about it too much though, because, as he managed to get to the tent’s entrance, he heard Norm’s voice and his dad’s, intertwined with his grandma’s voice rising above them.

“It won’t work. Eywa will not allow her to come back.”

“Why not? She has taken her Iknimaya, she has completed her kills, she has spent her entire life in the village’s service, trying to help the best way she knew how. If she doesn’t deserve this, who does?”

“It’s not that she doesn’t deserve it. It’s that she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want this, Norm. The Great Mother will not transfer the conscience of someone with no future.”

“But maybe if this happened, she will realise that she wants to live. Once she’s rid herself of her weak body, of this disease, maybe she will -“

“The Great Mother’s word is final. She will die, because she wants to die.”

Mo’at’s voice rang in his ears so hard he thought his eardrums would pop.

She doesn’t want it.

She will die.

What were they talking about? Who would die?

No… it couldn’t be. No, the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel.

He didn’t wait to hear the rest of the conversation, running as fast as his feet could carry him back to the lab. He reached soon enough, he was faster than most other people in the village, and started knocking on the door of the lab with all his might.

“Y/N, OPEN UP, I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!”

Eventually, Max came to the door, through which Neteyam burst without consideration for the tiny human next to him.

“She’s not in, Neteyam. She left before any of us had a chance to say anything.”

“Was she in her Avatar body?”

“No, the body is in the den where they sleep.”

He didn’t bother thanking the man, as he turned on his heel and started running again. She was there, had to be.

It was still raining, the clouds relentless as they released drops that poured gently down his face and body, and Neteyam thought the Great mother was crying, mourning the love being washed away like a pebble in the river of the clearing, just like he was.

You were there, of course you were. A current shocked Neteyam at the sight of you. This was the first time he has seen your human body in months, and he found it hard to reconcile the image of you he has known all his life with this current one. You were incredibly thin, so thin, whereas a few months ago he could trace your muscles, he could now trace your bones. You were pale, almost ashen, and the hair that he once spent so long admiring was now brittle and dull, obvious even as it was, wet and clinging to your back. You looked lifeless. He felt a lump form in his throat and tears pool in his eyes that were still not dry from all the pain this day has brought.

You didn’t notice him yet, your human ears much less sensitive than your Avatar, so you were just sitting on the riverbank with your chin resting on your knees, which were brought to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them. You were looking at the water, and it was like you weren’t actually there. You were in your own world, far from here, from this hurt.

“I was going to ask if it was true, what I heard Norm talk about in the tent today, but I think you’ve answered my question.”

Neteyam saw you flinch, and it felt like even that brought your weak frame pain. You were trembling when you looked at him, and your face made his own drop in shock. Your beautiful features, the blush in your cheeks, the glimmer in your eye, the pink of your lips, your animated expressions or raised eyebrows, were all gone. Your eyes looked glossed over and numb, your face looked ghostly and sunken, and Neteyam swore he could trace every blood vessel on your forehead and neck. The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

“I didn’t think I could make myself any clearer, Neteyam.”

“tell me it isn’t true. Tell me he’s lying; he’s making it up.”

“What part?”

“All of it.” Neteyam was angry now, trying to contain the temper rising in his chest.

“Tell me you’re not dying.”

“Norm has a big fucking mouth.”

“Can you for once in your fucking life just answer a question? This is fucking serious!”

You winced at his words, then struggled to get up, but did eventually and fully face him. The state of you hit him like bullets, piercing and scraping at his every organ, leaving bleeding wounds behind.

“It’s true”.

Crack, crack, crack. 

“When?”

“The night you gave me the guitar. I was so busy being in love with you I forgot to put the proper protection on, and I smashed a bottle of infected blood. It got in my mouth, in my nose.”

“I thought you were working on a cure.”

“Haven’t found it yet.”

“But you said you have something that kind of works, something to give people more time.”

“I’m human, it doesn’t work that way for us.”

“So, you’ve tried.”

You weren’t looking at him anymore, just staring at the ground in front of you, somewhere next to Neteyam’s feet.

“Tell me you have fucking tried.”

It thundered aggressively as Neteyam said that, and he saw you once again tremble at the loud sound. You have never been a jumpy person. You were the bravest person he knew. You were the strongest person he knew. It was unspeakable having to watch you now, sitting meekly in front of him, when just a few days ago you took the Iknimaya, taking the climb to the toughest tests known to the Omatikaya, doing it like it was nothing, just another day for you. To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

“TELL ME YOU HAVE TRIED.”

“NO, OKAY?? NO, I HAVEN’T FUCKING TRIED.” You were sobbing now, your tears washed away by the rain and wind as soon as they fell down your cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because I am tired. I want this to end.”

“I thought you were happy. I thought you were better. You seemed better in the Avatar.”

“I was better… in the Avatar. Because that wasn’t my life. That was just a beautiful dream, while my life was the never-ending nightmare. It was easy to pretend in that body. It was easy to be the version of myself everybody wanted me to be. But I have to live with the real me every night. And I don’t want to do it anymore.” The more you cried, the more Neteyam’s blood boiled in his veins.

“That’s such fucking bullshit.”

“You know what I think?”

“I think dying is fucking easy. It’s your easy way out.”

You looked up at his much larger frame incredulously, and he saw how your mood was starting to mirror his own.

“What did you just say? You think this is fucking easy for me?”

“Yes, I think it is. I think all you’ve done since your mum has died is take the easy way out. Put everything and everyone in your little bottom desk drawer, keeping everyone at a distance. Do you know how much mother and father suffered every time you refused to come out, to come to the village? My mother cried herself to sleep at the thought of you alone in that lab, at the thought that you preferred that soulless, empty place to her, to us. Did you know that?

You have not once opened that drawer, not once dealt with anything. All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out.

You have made me feel like the worst person in the world, for leaving, for lying to you. But what the fuck have you done, huh? You lied to me about dying, for weeks! About dying! What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!

I left you for a year because I wanted to protect you, you are leaving permanently because you refuse to fucking deal with the pain and hurt I know you feel deep down inside. You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.

You are a coward.”

Neteyam turned on his heel and walked away, before he got a chance to see you collapse on the ground, giving your last few breaths in the place he used to imagine both of your children laying in his arms peacefully while you sang them to sleep.

Tag list (I hope I didn't miss anyone, thank you so much for asking to be tagged &lt;3): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties