#it might be disassociation

[cecelianonymous22]

I adore the fandom collectively going "yeah shou WOULD NOT stay true to his word about not using his powers again"

Like yes, there are contextual, logical reasons that point towards it (many pointed out in a ramble from Bizarre I just came across), and it entirely makes sense within the realm of canon

But I personally am terrible at arranging my thoughts so I just slap an adhd headcanon on there and call it a day, because us adhd fuckers struggle like hell to break habits, and theres no doubt my mans has used his psychic powers nearly (if not entirely) every day of his life

[novelconcepts]

I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.

And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.

[jellyskink]

OMG MORE EARLY OWNERSHIP FORD I JUST SAW THE LAST COMIC OF IT I NEED MOREEEE (only if u want to ofc)

His brain and body weren't always in accord with each other back then

[synthwavecryptid]

(more WIP shots)

can I put ‘specializes in fucked up men’ on my resume

[moonshynecybin]

marc being soo lonely and unpopular is my roman empire. you're telling me he's really just a weird kid with no friends, his best friend is his brother? my heart breaks for him. and he's had so many highs and lows in his career and the only one who Really understands is vale but vale won't talk to him and is also the one who made his loneliness a lot worse? turned everyone and especially the media against him.. vale's kids hate marc even though they're too young to fully grasp their history! vale has sooo much work to do after the reunion... getting his boys to like marc and be nice to him, being there for marc again. getting marc to trust him again! no marc, you don't have to deal with everything all by yourself anymore! something is bothering you? talk to me about it i'm here for you! it'll be so worth it though, can you imagine marc finally coming out of his shell again, comfortable to be himself again, still a bit disbelieving that all of those people are his Friends now? he's not alone anymore?? i think about this daily

i love nice things for marc so it is fun to imagine vale looping him in on his abundance of community and that being very healing for both of them... marc IS a pretty isolated dude as a result of being like. ruthlessly competitive and a prodigy and his crazy schedule etc we've all seen it. that being said. i do wonder about that boy's social skills bc vale has a lot of similar traits/life experiences and has like half the grid convinced he's their daddy.

[steinwayandhissons]

arctic monkeys and every time the word ‘love’ is mentioned

whatever people say I am that’s what I’m not

tonight there’ll be some love, tonight there’ll be a ruckus yeah regardless of what’s gone before

~ view from the afternoon

oh there ain’t no love, no montagues or capulets

~ i bet you look good on the dancefloor

all that’s left is the proof that love’s not only blind but deaf… yeah I’d love to tell you all my problem

~ fake tales of san francisco

she makes a subtle proposition, I’m sorry love I’ll have to turn you down

~ when the sun goes down

lady, where has your love gone, i was looking but can’t find it anywhere, they always offer when there’s loads of love around but when you’re short of some it’s nowhere to be found

~ no buses

well how can you wake up with someone you don’t love and not feel slightly phased by it

~ leave before the lights come on

favourite worst nightmare

it’s wrong wrong wrong but we’ll do it anyway cause we love a bit of trouble

~ balaclava

and those dreams weren’t as daft as they seem, aren’t as daft as they seem my love

~ fluorescent adolescent

there’s room for the trouble and there’s lovers to be had

~ this house is a circus

it’d be a big mistake for you to wait and let me waste your time, really love it’s fine, I said really love it’s fine

~ the bad thing

old yellow bricks, love’s a risk… houdini love you don’t know what you’re running away from

~ old yellow bricks

another roll around and another push and shove, further away from the idea of love

~ da frame 2r

the more you keep on looking the more it’s hard to take, love we’re in stalemate… you’re slacking love where have you been

~ the bakery

am I too quick to assume that the love is no longer in bloom

~ too much to ask

humbug

i had a hole in the pocket of my favourite coat and my love dropped into the lining

~ i haven’t got my strange

suck it and see

i wanna feel your love brick by brick

~ brick by brick

do you still feel love is a laserquest or do you take it all more seriously… when I’m not being honest I pretend that you were just some lover

~ love is a laserquest

your love is like a studded leather headlock

~ suck it and see

jealousy in technicolour, fear by name, love by numbers… crushing up a bundle of love

~ that’s where you’re wrong

before she showed you how to shake love’s steady hand

~ the blonde o sonic shimmer trap

your love’s not what I need, so don’t give it to me

~ evil twin

am

it’s not like I’m falling in love I just want you to do me no good… the look of love, the rush of blood

~ no.1 party anthem

love buckles under the strain of those wild nights

~ mad sounds

I heard that you fell in love, or near enough

~ snap out of it

love like locked horns, love like dominoes… love like thunder, love like falling snow

~ electricity

I know you’re nothing like mine cause she’s walking on sunshine and your love would tear us apart

~ you’re so dark

tranquility base hotel and casino

love came in a bottle with a twist off cap, let’s all have a swig and do a hot lap… but it’s alright, cause you love me

~ star treatment

when true love takes a grip it leaves you without a choice

~ golden trunks

pattern language in the mood for love

~ the world’s first ever monster truck front flip

I wanna stay with you my love, the way some science fiction does

~ science fiction

the dawn won’t stop weighing a tonne, I’ve done some things that I shouldn’t have done, but I haven’t stopped loving you once

~ the ultracheese

the car

lights out on the wonder park, your saw toothed lover boy was quick off the mark

~ jet skis on the moat

put your heavy metal to the test, there might be half a love song in it all for you

~ mr schwartz

[m4thu1n]

Lights Out.

I'm never alone in my own mind.

She drives the ship, mans the wheel, rarely lets me in—

My hands cradle and carve,

desperate to be rid of sin,

and though I fight and plead and gnaw for the chance to be, we haven't the will to live.

Life is a slow and treacherous road for those who's hearts will nary be rough as the land.

Some of us were built to be the coveted scarifical lamb.

[willowser]

Willow🥺 are we taken because of connection to dynamite or just wrong place wrong time??

I hope it's the former, because if it's explicitly because of him, I don't know if his heart can handle it 🥺🥺

i do think.........that we were targeted 🥺🥺🥺 i was trying to allude to it a lil, when talking about his frustrating patrol 🥺 they chased a guy all the way across the city and still never found his partner—bc his partner was busy snatching us up from the station !!!!!

i think he definitely feels guilty in a way, bc they're taking you to get to him, but also—he lives in a world and works in an occupation where people are hurt and killed every day from villains and criminals, sometimes just bc they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. so while i think it does eat him up that this hurt is meant for him and they're taking it out on you—honestly i think it just really pisses him off LOL

he's kinda like. oh you think so huh you stupid fuck ??? 💀💀💀💀 you think you're gonna get away with this do you ??? you want to go there with me ??? 💀💀💀 like he's sooooooo. would probably beat this guy's face in LOL like he's PISSED. you want a reaction from him YOU'RE GONNA GET ONE GOD DAMN IT.

[arkashas]

i could write an essay on why will was lying when he told hannibal he didn't find him that interesting but first check out these screen caps where he's staring at his back like a man starved upon their first meeting

[feelingtheaster99]

“You’re nothing more than scratches on someone else’s piece of paper” really STRUCK me.

Like excuse me, Mr. Mulligan, who gave you the power to be so EFFORTLESSLY eloquent

[ursachaotic]

I tempted to draw my version of human Bill with my sona but I desperately need to redesign him cause he looks too similar to characters I have now 😭

That being said, he was a hoodie wearing disaster man aND HE WILL (probably) CONTINUE TO BE A HOODIE WEARING DISASTER MAN 😤 This would be post canon Bill, so he's given up on being dapper okay lmao

[royalreef]

@infernalpursuit inquired: how does your muse react when they're scared? does it change, depending on what is currenly scaring them?

(( Oh, absolutely it depends on what's currently scaring her!

The thing you have to understand about Miranda is that she's less of a person, in the sense that her personality and reactions are organic and naturally occurring, and moreso that she's someone who has been so intensely groomed and micro-managed and pushed in such a specific direction that a lot of the way that she is is entirely on purpose.

Her personality isn't really a natural product of her birth nor her circumstance in the same way someone else's personality might be. It's more like... There's no way that people can go through something like what she had gone through and not turn out in a very similar way to her. It's a designed process in this way, something that very intentionally obliterates any other chance to be anything else, and makes becoming this highly specific mold of a person into a life-or-death matter, something that you can't will or whim or nature your way out of. Miranda is the way that she is because she's been intentionally ground down and shredded into the person that she is. She doesn't really have a concrete sense of self. She doesn't even really know who she is. She's not supposed to, she's just supposed to be a means to serve a singular purpose and a singular end, and all she even can comprehend doing is that purpose.

Fear is a major part of this process, this total obliteration of any other mere possibility, but I also feel like it's a little disingenuous to call it fear in the same way most people would relate to it. It's the kind of fear that's so big and bone-deep and constant that it stops really feeling like fear at all, the kind of thing that Miranda herself has a very hard time of realizing that she's feeling even when it's particularly bad.

It might be more accurate to call it getting locked into a constant state of flight-or-fight. It's a constant existential threat where Miranda is sincerely and totally convinced that she could die at any moment and anyone could hurt her as much as they wanted, constantly living solely in the very present and unable to think of what even a short distance ahead in time would be like, because she just never feels comfortable or secure enough to stop thinking of the right now. She's what happens when the fear has been intensified strongly enough that it never dips below what would be debilitating for anyone else, and thus has become wildly detached to her own body, physical harm to her body, threats to her own life, or any escalation of fear.

This is, in fact, one of the things that I worry about disappointing roleplay partners with at times! Because their muse will act scary or try to frighten Miranda, and it just doesn't work. She just doesn't respond to the situation in a measurably different way than how she normally does, because she's under so much constant stress and strain and terror that it's not really any different to her than how everything else already is.

The only real times when she starts to show it, in fact, are places where her aversion and fear of them have been specifically cultivated. Miranda is a tool, and a tool doesn't break under expected strain, but you do have to be able to sharpen it and make sure it remains useful. You do have to take it apart to do maintenance on it, make sure it's working. The points where Miranda starts to actually, sincerely, show her genuine fear and terror, are during these points and in these situations where her aversion of them can be used to punish her and make sure she's being redirected in the proper direction.

In which case, Miranda's fear response is also highly specific and the only real option that other people who have gone through it come out with.

Mostly, she freezes up. She starts fawning hard. She lets it happen, over and over and over again until the object of her fear goes away, because it's going to be easier if she doesn't fight back or resist. She starts disassociating, disconnecting from her body and her thoughts, forgetting where she is or what's happening to her, because then she doesn't have to be present to register it and the memories are easier to repress later. She starts to people-please, trying to make the object of her fear happy and content them, because doing what they tell her to do and making them happy makes it not last as long. If she just does what they want her to, then they won't hurt her as much. If she just listens when she's told, then she won't get punished as much.

The end result is that she's very... robotic, in a sense. She does what she is told, to the letter. She will do what she is told, and she will not fuss or cry or cause any further problems if it also hurts her as well. She will be good, because the only choice other than being good is total obliteration. They should tell her what to do. They should make her do what they want her to do. It's okay that she's not there, or it's hurting her. It's even better if that happens, in fact, because then it's not as bad. She will not mention it after the fact, she will not hold it against them, she will not upset them again. She will be good. She was designed to be good.

Which, again, is part of why Miranda's fear response can be so inappropriate sometimes... Because she's been cultivated this way, because other people punishing her is so ingrained into her mind as a fundamental way of being, very often she will pick the seemingly much scarier or painful option over that cultivated social fear. She will happily hurt herself for someone else, and she will not be afraid of it, or be very upset at all. She will happily do many frightening things and deal with things that anyone else wouldn't be able to, because she's already locked into a permanent state of terror, and the only exception would be what happens if she doesn't do this. She's a tool. The only thing a tool has to fear is not fulfilling its purpose.

It's why she keeps doing increasingly dangerous things, too, seemingly without regard to her own life or death. Fear is an adaptation which allowed living things to avoid situations and things that were dangerous to them. Because Miranda's fear is constant and always at its peak, she doesn't register minor fluctuations to it, nor does she have it to try and get her to avoid things that might or will hurt her. It's also why her pain response is so bizarre and detached, and doesn't take very many efforts to avoid pain in general.

It also means, too, is that the potential for other people accidentally setting off or triggering this particular type of cultivated fear is very high, basically intentionally so. She has to be easy to control and redirect as needed, after all. If someone else gets close to her, gets her in an intimate situation similar to how she was cultivated to respond to punishment, then she can very easily get locked into a loop that they didn't know they were setting off. She's not in the state of mind to notice contradictions or try and correct herself, let alone notice if something is wrong, so nothing she can do can stop this from happening beyond general discouragement from those situations.

It just also means that it can be rather upsetting for other people when they notice that Miranda's immediate fear response, in wholly out-of-proportion situations, is to just sit there and take it without protest, even to the point of seemingly not reacting to someone nearly killing her if they do it in the right way.

[disassociation-culture-is]

dissociation culture is your eyes unfocusing so much for so long that one of them is weaker than the other and you have a slight lazy eye because of it.

.

[emo-ez]

Disassociating isn’t enough anymore, I need ketamine.

[kagrenacs]

I really want a Keening tattoo on my upper abdomen/sternum, blade pointed at my heart. Unfortunately this will be really painful, and fibromyalgia will undoubtedly make it worse. I thought I'd draw on myself what it would look like to knock this idea out of my head. And it looks absolutely fantastic ):

[twobrokenwyngs]