#it means the world to feel included and i love you so much!!

[doritoprincess]

i personally dont see Miyazaki’s work as skewing conservative, but Mamoru Oshii (Ghost in the Shell, Angel’s Egg, etc) did say in an interview once that Isao Takahata and Hayao Miyazaki were, to paraphrase: “Stalinist and Trotskyist respectively” mostly in relation to how they ran the company; but also with that framing in mind, seeing Miyazaki like a jaded old-fashioned stubborn commie who thinks everyone including himself has sold out and feels really indignant about it feels like it comes through in his art a lot, especially in stuff like Porco Rosso and The Wind Rises but also in this movie too. i think in the case of this movie, despite how much he’s gone on record as a guy who hates skyscrapers and wants them abolished forever i think its interesting that he simply cant let the beauty of the structures go unacknowledged. like yeah it was a fascist empire with power responsible for untold amounts of tragedy but traversing the space, or whats left of it, you get the feeling people still lived there and forged memories around these locations and were intimately familiar with them; and that those people built and conceived this massive miracle of technology and science (and also probably magic idk) to make this beautifully hand crafted and intricately designed city fly; but the only things that remain in the city are the abundant yet useless piles of wealth, the abandoned weapons of mass destruction that scarred the planet, and the pockets of life that have managed to thrive in the aftermath of such a catastrophic failure; still thriving, even!

i think theres something really scathing yet sympathetic to how Laputa is presented in the movie, maybe this isnt a feeling exclusive to jaded communists but there is something kind of transfixing about the failure of such a seemingly powerful and advanced empire, like we live in the most evil empire in the world right now in real life but a lot of people still live here.

theres another quote by Oshii that gets thrown around a lot and its actually a quote from a conversation he had with Miyazaki about Patlabor 2 and i think as much as Miyazaki might think otherwise i think its an idea he had acknowledged internally when he was making Laputa:

“I've been living in Tokyo for forty-some years. It's easy to think that this is an uninteresting city, or that you want to destroy it. The most frustrating thing I feel when I watch movies such as Akira is that they destroy Tokyo so easily. If you depict it as a city which you won't miss even if it were destroyed, as a fake thing made from only steel and concrete from the beginning, destroying it won't accomplish anything. It's far from being a real catharsis. Even in Tokyo, if you look carefully, if you dig up your memories, you can find some scenery which you are very much attracted to. It can be the evening at the train crossing, or it can be scenery of some vacant land with Seitaka-awadachisou in Tokyo Bay area. We have scenery we love inside of us. It's related to our childhood memories. If you depict (Tokyo) that way, and depict it as something you still have to destroy, I can understand that, but they (those movies) do not. I think they don't have the right issues in mind. Animation can do that. I still think that there is meaning to be found in making a movie which can do it properly.”

thinking about laputa castle in the sky again. what a politically insane movie

[mandalhoerian]

Repost because tumblr's tags were broken yesterday and it ate my post up 😞 Spoilers and translation notes for Rafayel's intertidal zone & analysis because it kinda floored me, I was just as a blank page as he was throughout this. I had to watch it like 5 times to understand what the story was saying and dig into chinese and japanese versions of this to piece together what was really happening. It may be my idiot brain not getting it and maybe it was like the easiest thing to understand for you but. Yeah. I may be just dumb LMFAO AND!!!! There's also a theory of mine into how Rafayel is actually able to read mc's mind/wishes through their lemurian bond, so stay tuned for that I guess

EDIT: correcting some transcriptions of chinese characters and the translations. sorry about that! google couldn't transcribe it correctly. for clarity's sake i will also include original screenshots. please tell me if anything is wrong!

EDIT 2: Check out part 2 to this as well for stuff I missed!

So Rafayel’s whole deal in this memory, I believe, is dependency. Like, too much intensity, too much need, too much fear -- about scaring her off, about what he sees himself possibly becoming in the future, overall just being too reliant on mc and getting scared by it.

Let's begin with this massive fear of being a taker, not just in the “I’m stealing someone’s fries” way, but in this existential, soul-deep kind of way where he’s terrified of turning everything he loves into something he exploits out of demand for his art. And yeah, it’s sad when you first hear him say it, but it’s also really interesting when you look at how this all ties into his relationship with MC and his inspiration source drying up because of her.

Before Rafayel became an artist, he looked at the world in this super pure, wholesome way. Sceneries and nature were just there, things to admire and feel awe over without needing to do anything about it. Like, imagine standing at the edge of a desert, looking at a sea that’s drying up. Sure, it’s tragic, but it’s also kind of beautiful in a raw, heartbreaking way. That’s how Rafayel saw things, he could appreciate them without feeling like he had to do anything.

But then Rafayel started creating, and suddenly, sceneries weren’t just sceneries anymore. They became inspiration. He wasn’t just admiring beauty, he was extracting something from it, its meaning, its pain, its soul, to turn into art for other people. And that made him feel all kinds of icky, because now he wasn’t just looking at the drying sea. He was taking from it. Just as he's using his people's pain in his art as well, that's also a thing.

Now let’s talk about MC. Rafayel loves her like he used to love those sceneries,,, in this pure, untainted way. There's a parallel here. But here’s the kicker, he’s not the same guy who can just admire something and leave it untouched anymore.

And suddenly, this is no longer only about losing inspiration for him.

This happens after he and MC get together, and it’s like all the pain and anguish that used to fuel his creativity just.. ... dries up. He can’t find that spark anymore because now his life is surrounded by love instead of suffering. In fact, his inspiration starts coming from her and it's starting to clash with how he makes art. In the phone call, he seeks her out and says he needs her so bad and she only needs to talk to help him out. This is the first wink wink nod nod of the story.

So what does Rafayel do? He goes on this big, dramatic trip to "find inspiration" (or at least his muse), but it’s not just about his art. He’s not just looking for inspiration, he’s trying to figure out how to be less dependent on her and becoming increasingly more restless over this. The temparature and physical discomfort is making things worse, he's anxiously overthinking, and imagine trying to fight this and the longest art block as of late off when all you want to do is indulge in this special person and be comforted like a lap cat all day every day.

He understands that if he lets himself indulge without restraint, one day his love for mc will turn into pure need. He’ll become more and more greedy, and he doesn’t want that and is afraid of being abandoned because of that growing neediness and dependency.

This is in relation to his art, because as @/dat-silvers-girl put in the comments, he's struggling with "the genuine fear of not being able to enjoy anything in life because all you're thinking about how to use it (as an artist)" . what if he starts doing this to her? to their love and relationship? take from her, and become someone who only takes in every area of life -- like someone who only exploits things by extracting what he feels about them to use it for his art. he's afraid of that, he doesn't like that and possibly doesn't like himself who does it. so why should she? she would leave him for sure, in his head, that's a solid reason to.

The first time around he brings up his anxiety about MC leaving him out of the inner realization of his dependency, the possibility of just what he can become, and fear of abandonment. she effortlessly soothes his worries. It's heavily implied they did it afterwards and after hearing "her life has already been consumed by him" he tweaked out a little bit and his "obsession" seeped through.

After it fades to black, he says ほら……僕もとっくに……君に侵食されてしまっているんだ…… which means "See... I've already been completely consumed by you too" in Japanese instead of the life being made a chaotic mess localization. While I think MC's line was jokey and lighthearted, I don't think this man is joking at all. Rafayel didn't say his life was consumed by her as well, he said HE was consumed. Ouh.

This took the edge off from him for a while but they hadn't gotten to the root of the problem yet, so he was back to square one after the memorial hall, because remember, he's trying to find inspiration as an act of making this dependency of his better. Pain and suffering are all around him here, which his inspiration feeds off of. The dried up ocean he could hear weakening, the skeleton of the whale, the burden of his people and homeland more prominent than before. And what does MC do? Tear through the perspective of pain and introduce a hopeful alternative, "Isn't it a surprise to see an ocean in the middle of the desert?"

This is a place that gave Rafayel the height of helplessness and suffering when he visited by himself before despite momentarily being hopeful after the locals told him such a place existed. But now, she was there to comfort him through his loneliness and pain, hug him, and give him hope yet again. He brings up how he wanted to come here with the most important person to him when he was still hopeful about it before consumed by the pain of it all, and that wish has been granted. That moment has to be so powerful for Rafayel. Literally light at the end of the tunnel.

It had me reeling that he just sat in the car after all that, staring at her for god knows how long until she woke up. He was probably overthinking again, but my interpretation that it was heavily emotional for him (it could have meant so little for MC but the world for him, she doesn't even know) and he wanted to be in that moment with her, just feel and look without restraint. Indulge a little. (I can just imagine him going just a little bit more, I'll go after she wakes up.) And like. His eyes are shining in the darkness is the description here. Perhaps he was feeling so much here. So much love. So much happiness. And he's about to go in for a kiss (heavy breathing and everything) after that, but holds himself back and actively has to pry himself away. He's feeling the neediness again.

That’s why he makes an effort to actively wean himself off and says he'll be okay on his own. What he says to her after MC is like "spoiling him" being all "hey you're sick maybe don't go? or let's go together?" (which is NOT helping Rafayel at all) is even more meaningful in Japanese and I didn't know why they left out this context, but the rearranged line would be "Do you want me to become a sea creature beached on the sand after the sea recedes, unable to breathe on my own ever again?"

Yeah. YEAH. This is about dependency. (He's saying don't coddle me I'll literally become that wolf tearing his shirt meme 😭)

So of course his stubbornness and anxiety force him to do things without MC and distance himself, he can do it. He’s determined to prove to himself that he can endure it on his own.

I also feel like part of the reason he insisted on going to the salon alone is that he’s still worried mc might come to dislike the version of him who's someone he's so sure she will leave, who isn't perfect and he hides behind the persona he's put up just for her. If he truly becomes addicted to her and shows her everything/his true self, and she ends up leaving him, it would completely break him. He's trying to be like "im so normal about her haha" but he's so not normal about her at all. He's literally obsessed I feel like, and perhaps this is him fighting it knowing it's not healthy.

and OOOH about why he ends up coming back from the salon all hot and bothered.

I have strong context that she flicked the bean in there after he left her high and dry in the car ("hot water washes away the stickiness from my body and his stifled breaths still echo in my ears, enveloping me along with the steam in the bathroom. The warmth from his fingertips lingers in the places where he touched me..." is the english. however, in chinese, it goes "熱水洗去身上的黏膩，壓抑的喘息迴盪在我耳畔，和浴室裡氤氳的水氣一起包裹著我." stating "the suppressed breathing" -- which doesn't have any possessive adjectives when I translated it on google and later explicitly asked chatgpt if it had any his/my adjectives involved, just to be sure. it said no but i'd like it if a real chinese speaking person could give their input on this !!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WITH CHATGPT

so um. if the context is in fact the case that he heard her masturbating to him, the intensity with which he attacked her would be normal, I think 😭

I have belief that MC unconsciously shatters his "training himself to be without her" determination through their bond. She just keeps thinking about him the entire time. about him reading her thoughts, though. we still don't know all about the lemurian bond they share. I’d say it grants him some sort of mind/heart reading ability or connects their minds together (when she was thinking about whether she should hug him, he answered “yes”).

At the salon, I imagine Rafayel was already thinking about her like crazy. Then he realized, or perhaps, "heard" she was still worrying about him and thinking of him (as much he thought about her) and decided to go back. Rafayel probably felt that suppressing himself was only making her more anxious and unsettled. She's thinking all about him, unconsciously calling to him to come to her, she didn't want to let him go at all, wanted to go with him, etc...

but even if it was his own decision and no mind reading was involved... uh. If you ask me. He did quite literally hear her after coming back. That's also something that might make him think she wants him as much as he wants her, which made his self-restraint utterly meaningless from the start.

Disregarding this theory of mine proven wrong until a Chinese speaker helps me out here, MC returned to Rafayel's room. A translation omission happened here from what I saw. There are no possessive adjectives in the Chinese text about the room she returns to, and the Japanese one states she returned to the guest room (doesn't specify which one. She was also able to enter Rafayel's room without needing to knock before.)

so uh. she went into rafayel's room y'all. the line "this is my room, you're the one who walked in here" MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. (SO LIKE. NOT ONLY DID SHE GO INTO HIS ROOM, SHE FLICKED THE BEAN THERE AND HE POSSIBLY HEARD IT. SHE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN HE IS, I UNDERSTAND WHY HE LET GO AFTER THAT LMFAO)

I don't put it past him to get worked up after he finds her in his room post-bath even without my theory lmfao (idk why they put her in a dress when she should be in a bathrobe or something 😭)

His conclusion at the end of this memory that "he finds inspiration in pain and the art of creation is a part of his life. mc made him realize love and art are so alike. even if they don't complete him but burn him instead he wants them (love and art) with every fiber of his being" and MC says she doesn't like that, rightfully so.

So like. There's SO MUCH to unpack in here.

When Rafayel says he finds inspiration in pain and that creation is a part of his life, he’s admitting something raw and essential about himself: pain isn’t just a byproduct of his art, it’s intrinsic to it. For Rafayel, pain and art are intertwined in a way that’s almost inseparable. It’s like his muse isn’t just beauty, but beauty that hurts.

But then he takes this further by connecting art to love. He’s realized that both art and love demand the same from him: vulnerability, passion, and sometimes suffering. They don’t necessarily complete him (he’s not romanticizing them as salvation), but they burn him, wear him down, consume him (coincidentally, this is something he said to MC in the JP dub of this memory, that she consumes him), but also give him life. And for Rafayel, that’s the crux, even if they burn him, he wants them with every fiber of his being.

This is such a Rafayel thing to say. It’s dramatic, it’s tortured, but it’s also deeply SUBTLE. He doesn't spell all of these out, mind you, I got a headache trying to understand him. Or I'm just slow, I don't know. It shows how much he values creation and connection, even if they come at a cost.

MC, on the other hand, challenges this perspective. When she says she doesn’t like that he views love and art as things that burn him, she’s pushing back against the idea that suffering is a necessary part of creation, or love. MC doesn’t want Rafayel to see their relationship as something that requires him to hurt. She’s telling him, “You don’t have to destroy yourself to love me.”

When MC says, “You’ll never have to burn for me,” she’s giving Rafayel an alternative to his destructive mindset. She’s saying that love doesn’t have to hurt, that their relationship can exist without him sacrificing himself on the altar of passion. It’s a refusal to let Rafayel romanticize pain as the price of love.

And I love that Rafayel goes, "Will you help me look for other parts in life outside of pain?" in response. This is NOT about art or inspiration anymore, and the way the dialogue is written is just AUGH. Again I had to rewatch this over and over again for the nuances and subtext.

I love MC's response, she knew exactly what to say. “I’ll always be the one who walks along the shore with you. Of course, diving into the sea bed is fine too. If it can snow in the desert, there will be a day when the ocean returns.”

MC’s response is layered with metaphors, but at its core, it’s about unwavering support and hope::

Walking along the shore: This represents safety and companionship. MC is saying she’ll be with Rafayel in the calm, in the moments where they’re just observing life without diving into its depths. She’ll be his steady presence, his grounding force.

Diving into the sea bed: This is an acknowledgment that life and love sometimes require going deeper and they may go through hardships, into the unknown, the murky, the challenging. MC isn’t afraid of this, she’s willing to go there with him too.

Snow in the desert and the ocean’s return: This is a symbol of hope and transformation beyond being a nod to The Sea of Golden Sand. Snow in the desert seems impossible, just like the idea of Rafayel finding inspiration outside of pain might feel impossible to him. But MC believes in the extraordinary, in change, and in the possibility that beauty and creation can exist outside of suffering.

Her words are a promise: she’s willing to stand by him, to face the unknown together, and to hold onto the belief that a new way of seeing the world is possible.

And Rafayel LOWKEY PROPOSES IN RETURN.

By saying “let’s watch the sea together,” he’s accepting MC’s offer of companionship and hope in the long run. He’s recognizing that life doesn’t have to be about diving into the depths alone, it can be about sharing the experience with someone else, even if it’s just standing on the shore and watching.

“Every sea”: This phrase is key. Rafayel isn’t just committing to one kind of life or one kind of inspiration, he’s opening himself up to all possibilities. Watching every sea means embracing all facets of life, whether they’re calm or turbulent, painful or beautiful. It’s a marriage proposal declaration that he’s ready to explore the world beyond pain, with MC by his side.

So. I love that his inspiration returns after his freak is accepted by MC because he literally feels the acceptance through the bond.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This memory DRAINED me. They were just supposed to bang what the fuck happened. Why did I have to go treasure hunting to find what was going on in this card. anyway...

[iloveazzifudd35]

testing the waters

OKAY NEW PAZZ FIC THANKS TOO 😛 ANON

There would not have been a fic if it weren’t for their amazing prompt so bless 😍

^if u wanna read their prompt look at my last post

themes: friends to lovers/ fluff

tw: SMUT

Azzi walked through the doors of Gampel Pavilion. She had just gotten to campus not even an hour before and was already having her first meeting with the team. 

Azzi stood by the back with the other freshman. Still getting adjusted to the thrill of the change in atmosphere. 

Standing on the court was unreal. Azzi turned her head admiring the bleachers and banners that lined the walls. She took in all the greats that came before her, all names she knew and studied growing up. She couldn’t believe that she was finally here, hopefully going to follow in their footsteps.

Azzi listened carefully as Geno’s voice carried through the walls.

“This team that is here right now is one that will never be the same again. This year, with this team, this is temporary. Next year there will be new people, seniors will be gone, and the team will be a whole new team again.” He paused scanning the room eyeing the freshman. 

“You will value every moment you have with this team, build your chemistry now or it will be too late.”  He continued pacing along in front of the group. 

Azzi felt someone’s hand brush against her wrist and a warm gentle breath draw close to her ear. 

“Don’t worry he is all talk. He’s not this scary all the time- well actually maybe just try to stay on his good side.” Azzi knew this voice. 

She turned her head slightly coming face to face with Paige Bueckers. She actually hadn’t prepared herself for how close they would really be, accidentally turning and even feeling  Paige’s breath on her lips. Azzi’s face flushed and she tried to play it off backing up and giggling.

—-

Her and Paige went way back. Paige was even one of the reasons she went to UConn in the first place. 

They had been best friends since 2016 when they met playing for team USA. All it took was one plane ride back to Minnesota and they were best friends for life.

Azzi always had loved Paige. Her laugh, her smile, her long blonde hair, her big blue eyes, her pink lips… just normal best friend type of stuff. But as she got older she started to feel differently about Paige. About girls in general.

Azzi had always liked boys- well she liked watching movies about them. Love and basketball was her favorite movie- “I want that type of relationship.” Azzi would say, almost convincing herself. 

The thing was, she never really knew if she actually ever had feelings for a guy before. Yes she thought they were attractive. In a world where she personally knew Steph Curry, who wouldn’t think guys were attractive. But the thing was, whenever she pictured a future it never included a guy. Infact Azzi would picture herself alone before she would picture herself settling down with a guy. 

Her and Paige even talked about living together jokingly as high schoolers in a purely innocent way.

“If we both don’t find someone by the time we are thirty- I’m gonna have to just marry you.” Paige said with a laugh. Azzi laughed but her laugh never went deeper than the surface. She would have given anything to live with Paige, to marry her, to spend the rest of her life with her. Things would have just been so much easier. 

But what did any of that even mean. Paige was just her best friend. Her beautiful, talented best friend, her hot as fu-. Azzi didn’t really finish that thought. Shutting it down before she could let herself admit what she deep down knew already. 

—-

“Ya I don’t know about that he seems pretty serious.” Azzi whispered back looking up and gulping when she saw Geno look at her while he spoke. 

Paige reassuringly squeezed her wrist, sending butterflies down Azzi’s stomach. Actually they felt more like bald eagles than butterflies to be honest. 

—-

An hour later after he was done talking they had a few hours to go back to the dorms before their offseason weight room. 

Since Underclassman were not allowed to have cars on campus- Azzi being a freshman and Paige a sophmore decided to walk back to the dorms rather than hitching a ride with the others. 

“So… what do you think of the campus so far. It’s awesome, you can say I was right and thank me whenever.” Paige said confidently as she watched Azzi scan the surroundings wide eyed, and taking everything in. 

“Ya everything is so much bigger. I’m gonna need an extra hour to get from class to class at this point.” Azzi replied with a laugh. 

They continued walking going about their day as usual. 

Azzi was excited for this new life at UConn, she looked forward to it. But something about the way Paige looked at her left her wanting more.

As the day turned to night everyone retired to their rooms.

After what felt like forever of just laying in bed unable to sleep Azzi sat up. 

12:30 AM Azzi read on her clock next to her. She flopped back down defeatedly. 

Azzi had never been away from her parents for more than a day, every team USA tournament her parents went to. She never didn’t have someone to tuck her in. 

“Not even 24 hours and I miss my mommy like I’m a five year old.” Azzi whispered to herself.

It may have been better if she had a roomate but no such luck. Her roomate, Ines was an exchange student meaning she would be flying in the next week instead of this one, meaning Azzi was stuck alone. 

She couldn’t hide the tear that slipped out of her eye. She could hear people talking down the hall. Her teammates maybe-hopefully.

She climbed out of bed, wearing her black tank top and pink boxer shorts and made her way out of her room. A little down the hall she saw Paige. 

Her blonde hair was unmistakable. Her laugh echoing down the long hallway. 

Azzi started to walk towards her when suddenly she got a glimpse of the person she was talking to. 

The girl was probably one of the prettiest ones she had ever seen- paige was prettier- and she had thick brown curls like Azzi, and tanned skin a bit lighter than Azzi’s. 

Azzi watched from a far, the pit in her stomach increasing at the way the girl reached out and squeezed Paige’s arm as she laughed. 

Azzi began to turn to head back down the hallway, not wanting to make herself feel any worse than she already felt, and ended up walking right into a lamp. 

The sound of the lamp colliding with the floor made Paige shift her attention down the hall where she saw…

“Azzi? Is that you?” She said confused as to why the freshman was up this late when she knew she always went to bed rather early. 

Azzi froze in her tracks, picking up the lamp and setting it back on the table. Wiping off her tears, she turned slowly. 

“Hi Paige.” She muttered just loud enough for her to hear. 

She watched as Paige said bye to the girl and they both walked as she walked down the stairs to leave.

Azzi could feel her heart pound as Paige walked closer towards her. 

“Why are you awake.” She checks her phone. “It’s 12:30! You should have been asleep like 3 hours ago huh.” She said softly.

Paige notices the wet streaks on Azzi’s cheek. 

“Baby are you okay?” Paige said wrapping an arm around her back. 

Azzi shivered at the nickname, that alone was enough to make Azzi forget everything that she was worried about. Forget being homesick, Paige was her home. 

“I’ve never slept by myself before.” Azzi admitted. 

Paige knew exactly what she meant. Azzi had always been a homebody, now states away from her parents, she was homesick.

“Oh shit I forgot you don’t even have a roommate either right?” Paige said looking at her and running her fingers through her hair lovingly.

Azzi shook her head. 

“Let’s get you back to bed.” Paige said walking her back to her room with her hand resting low and protectively on Azzi’s back.

As Azzi climbed back into bed, she attentively watched Paige’s every move. 

“Paige?” Azzi asked as Paige reentered her room with a glass of water.

“Ya.” Paige said handing it to Azzi and sitting down on the edge of the bed.  

“Can you stay with me. Just for tonight.” 

Paiges heart jumped. 

“I’ll stay with you everyday until Ines gets here how bout that?” Paige said standing up and kissing her forehead. 

Azzi melted into her touch. She could get used to that. 

Azzi nodded watching paige walk over to the other mattress, that had nothing on it. 

“Sleep with me.” Azzi said. 

Paige raised her eyebrow smirking. 

“OH MY GOD PAIGE!” Azzi shrieked throwing a pillow at her head, which Paige of course caught. 

Laughing Paige climbed into the small twin size bed with her. They were basically on top of each other, but they tried to keep their hands to themselves- for now.

—-

As the nights went by they started growing closer. Their touches were more affectionate as they lingered. Azzi even woke up the third day with Paiges arms wrapped around her waist, her shirt had risen and Paiges hands were dangerously close to her breasts. Azzi couldn’t shake the feeling that she actually liked it. 

“Why the fuck do I want my best friend to touch my boobs?” Azzi said with shock, trying to push it to the side and just let Paige cling to her. 

—-

It was finally the weekend. This Saturday they had the day off. 

It was around 11:00 and Paige and Azzi were both in her bed. 

“Hey wanna watch a movie? We don’t have to be up early tomorrow.” Paige said turning to Azzi. “I brought my iPad.” She said grinning.

Azzi giggled, “only if we can watch frozen.” She said.

Paige sighed pulling it out and propping it against a pillow. 

“Whatever you want princess.” She said laughing. 

Azzi was praying to god that the purple led lights masked the red glow of her blush.

It was getting harder and harder for her to hide her feelings for Paige. She was so confused. She was striaght though. Definitely straight. Right??

—-

Halfway through the movie Paige got up to grab some snacks. 

Paige was wearing just a sports bra- literally no clue why- and Azzi could literally feel her heart beating, maybe something else too but she couldn’t pin point it.

Embarrassingly enough Azzi was a virgin. She hadn’t told anyone, no one really asked either. It wasn’t that no one liked her, she simply just didn’t feel the need to be with anyone like that. 

“Why would anyone want to suck someone’s dick that’s just nasty.” Azzi could not understand it for the life of her. 

But now with Paige, she would give anything to feel her fingers inside her…. Maybe she was just finally starting to want to have sex. She was just confused it wasn’t fine.

As paige reentered the room her breath shifted. The pants paige was wearing had hung even lower- showing the outline of her V-line, and she had two waters in her arms. Azzi’s attention immediately scanning up and down her body and then focusing on the vein bulging out of her bicep.

“Like what you see.” Paige smirked making her way over to Azzi and setting down the snacks and waters that were saying down her pockets.

Azzi felt her heat spread to her cheeks.

“Sorry I just-“ she honestly had no idea how to cover that up.

“It’s okay I get it. I have been hitting the weight room.” Paige said wrapping her arm around Azzi laughing as she could feel her tense up under her touch.

Paige always had thought Azzi was straight but now she wasn’t so sure. 

Azzi had never once talked about her love life. And the way she had looked at her the other day when paige was with another girl… the pieces were starting to connect.

A little while later, paige started to get curious, wanting to test her theory out. She began to move her hand a little lower on Azzi’s side. 

She listened to the rise and fall of Azzi’s breath, listened to it speed up as her hand began to move onto her thigh traveling closer and closer inward. 

Paige “coughed” accidentally brushing in between her legs causing Azzi to let out a soft moan. Azzi tried to cover it up with a cough but it was too late.

Paige leaned forward and whispered in her ear. 

“You like it when I touch you princess? Thought u were straight- I should’ve known a pretty girl like u would want something better than a man.” Paige growled causing Azzi to tense up completely caught off guard by her assumption.

Azzi had never told anyone this, she had no idea how Paige was able to see through her so easily.

“Paige I am straight, what are you talking abo-“ she was caught off by another one of her own gasps as Paige ran her hand back around and placed it on her upper ass. 

“See the way you look at me. You sure bout that?” Paige said confidently moving her hand so she was rubbing Azzi’s back through her clothes. 

Azzi’s breath hitched feeling Paiges long fingers slip under her shirt and explore higher on her back.

“You seriously mean to tell me you don’t feel anything when I touch you.” Paige said smirking as she continued to rub her back in a way that left Azzi’s mouth watering in desire. 

“I- I- don’t know. I don’t know what it feels like.” Azzi replied at a low whisper secretly hoping Paige wouldn’t hear it.

“What do you mean? Are you saying you have never had sex before?? What’s a pretty girl like you doing still a virgin.” Paige said honestly her hand stopping and staying rested on her back. 

“I don’t know just never found the right person I guess. I just don’t know what I am, I can’t tell if my feelings are real or not.” 

“We’ll have you ever thought about it.” Paige said simply. 

“Thought about what?” Azzi asked innocently not sure where this conversation was going. 

“About having sex…. I’m sure you have thought about it at least once.” Paige replied.

“I mean I guess kinda but I don’t even know anymore I just feel like my brain is playing tricks on me.” Azzi said shaking her head.

Paige turned Azzi’s face to look at her by grabbing her chin gently. 

“Wanna test it out?” Paige said experimentally. 

“What do you mean test it out.” Azzi asked confused. 

“Paige brought her hand to the front of Azzi’s shirt gently moving it up towards her breasts over her clothes, avoiding them but paying all the attention to them at the same time. 

“I mean why don’t you just try it, like get it out of your system, fuck me and then I gaurentee you will know exactly how you should be feeling.” Paige leaned closer into Azzi’s ear grabbing her by the front of her shirt. 

“I will make you feel better than anyone else baby.” Paige whispered seductively. Azzi could feel something wet between her legs. She couldn’t explain it, it was  feeling she had never really had before.

Without thinking about what this would mean, Azzi nodded.

“Let’s start slow, hm? Ease you into it.” Paige said softly. 

Azzi nodded, she trusted paige more than anything. If paige could show her what she needed to know, then why not. 

With that, Paige brought her lips so they were hovering just above Azzi’s. 

“Let me know when you feel something.” Paige said suggestively right before connecting her lips to Azzi’s. 

There was no turning back now. Both girls sinking into the kiss. Paige wrapped her arms around Azzi’s back grabbing at her ass, and Azzi instinctively stabilized herself by grabbing Paige’s neck. 

The kiss grew quickly. Azzi let out soft moan telling paige exactly what she needed to know.  The second Azzi opened her mouth again letting out a soft whine against paige’s lips, paige shoved her tongue inside her mouth. 

Azzi moaned into her mouth feeling Paiges tongue fight against her own. Paige really knew what she was doing. 

Both girls worked to get closer to each other, causing paige to lay down on top of Azzi, sticking her leg in between hers. As the kiss quickened, paige moved her knee and pressed it against Azzi’s core causing her to let out a shrill moan. 

She had never been touched like that before, paige knew just how to make her feel seen. No one had ever taken care of her needs like this before. 

As Azzi began to get more comfortable and grind down on her knee desperate for some friction, Paige pulled back from her. 

“You feel anything yet?” Paige said giggling as she could see just how dilated Azzi’s eyebrows were desperately in need of her touch.

“Yes a little.” Azzi admitted focusing down on paige’s fingers that rested on her thigh.

Paige noticed this and smirked, she started to move her fingers closer to Azzi’s center. 

“Only a little?” Paige said slyly. “That’s a shame, I thought I felt a little something myself.” Paige said suggestively leaning forward into Azzi’s ear causing her breath to hitch. 

“And I really wanted to know what my fingers felt like inside of you.” Paige said smirking against Azzi’s ear. 

Azzi couldn’t resist it anymore, grabbbing paige’s collar and pulling her back to her lips.

As Azzi’s tongue filled paige’s mouth, she heard paige let out a tiny soft moan. 

“Need you so bad. Show me please. Teach me.” Azzi whined running her hands along paige’s bare abs. 

Paige smirked knowingly. 

“So needy for me huh.” Paige said reaching down so her thumb was now directly on Azzi’s pussy. She started to rub at it blindly through her clothes.

Feeling Azzi thrust towards her she looked into her eyes.

“Can I take these off baby?” Paige asked not looking away from her big brown eyes begging to be fucked.

Without a word Azzi lifted her but so paige could pull down her shorts and panties in one sweep. 

As the air hit her slick she felt nothing but fear and embarrassment. She tried to close her legs, suddenly afraid of what this would mean for her, but paige caught them keeping them apart. 

Azzi looked into paige’s eyes and saw nothing but love as paige eyed her pussy hungrily. She laughed. Oops.

Paige looked up at her laughter.

“What’s so funny.” Paige asked confused. 

“Nothing it’s just ironic. I think I have had a crush on you this whole time and now hear you are literally staring at my pussy the way I have stared at you all these years.” Azzi answered smiling. 

Paige smirked running her hands up her inner thigh, leaning forward to press a kiss against her. Azzi moaned.

She placed another kiss equidistant to the last one.

“I-“ paige started, then left another kiss, sucking a bit harder this time.

“Have felt-” continuing and leaving another kiss.

“The same-“ going back in one more time right above her mound. 

“Way.” She finished settling so now she was just hovering over her pussy.

“Don’t just love this pussy tho.” Paige winked right before diving in to attack her clit with her tongue licking a long stripe up her starting from the entrance of her hole and ending at the bundle of nerves. Azzi moaned loudly tugging at paige’s hair, partially from the love confession, and also from the feeling of paige’s powerful tongue attacking her clit. 

Azzi couldn’t contain her moans as paige sucked and nipped at her clit pullljngbvack and spiting into it spreading the mixture of spit and cum around her clit with her fingers before sliding one of her fingers teasingly into her hole. 

Azzi thrusted forward greedily, needing to feel paige as close to inside of her as possible. 

“Baby relax” paige started “lemme show you why gay is better.” She finished before shoving a finger into Azzi. 

Azzi’s eyes widened and she propped herself up on her elbows so she could see paige ponding the finger into her and simultaneously using her thumb to rub at her clit in small circles. 

“You’re so tight holy fuck.” Paige said as she added another finger leaving Azzi gasping and  moving one of her hands to pull paige towards her to kiss her. 

Paige swallowed her moans continuing to feel around her cervix with her finger as it went in and out, the wet squishing of Azzi’s cum against paige’s fingers filled the silence of the room. 

Pulling back from the kiss paige resumed her focus on her pussy, attaching her tongue to her clit and sucking as she pounded in and out of her.

Paiges middle finger brushed against her g spot causing Azzi to let out a loud breathy moan, arching her back shoving her pussy into  paige’s face. 

Motivated by Azzi’s actions, paige pulled back again from her clit, using her thumb to rub it up and down, separating her folds to expose the pink center of her clit. 

“Prettiest pussy in the world. She loves me.” Paige whispered as if talking to her pussy. 

Azzi sat up to look again as paige slowed down, when all of a sudden paige used one of her hands to press down on Azzi’s lower stomach making her feel like she was about to pee, and her with her other hand that was thrusting two fingers in and out of her, she slipped in a third, barely fitting it in Azzi’s tight cunt. 

Azzi moaned watching the way her pussy sucked in her fingers so naturally. 

As paige leaned back down to her clit, three fingers still pounding into her with power and force, the pressure of paige’s tongue against her was almost too much. 

“Paige I’m gonna cum oh my god.” Azzi moaned throwing her head back. 

“You can cum for me baby.” Paige said against her pussy the vibrations sending her over the top as she could no longer hold back anymore, streams of cum pouring out of her and paige stuck her tongue out drinking it all up.

Paige slowly worked her fingers getting her through the climax as Azzi was left a heap of tears and moans, still very out of breath. The warm sensation still tingling in her pants. 

“Welp I’m definitely gay.” Azzi said with a laugh as paige joined her on the bed. 

“Thank god, I have been waiting to hear you say that for fucking years.” paige said turning to her.

“Really?!” Azzi said surprised that who she now realized was her childhood crush had felt the same way for all these years.

“Damn we really have been waiting time not trying this sooner.” Azzi continued, laughing as she saw the paige’s mouth still glistening in the lights with her cum. 

“Well I guess we will have to just make this a daily thing then huh.” Paige said smirking pulling Azzi closer to her.

“Maybe tomorrow I’ll show you how to eat me.” 

“How about now.” Azzi said confidently flipping them over so paige was back on top of her, where Azzi shimmied down so paige’s cunt was directly above her. 

Pulling her shorts and panties to the side, she got right to work. 

[euniexenoblade]

Favorite Movies 2024

I do one of these every year, even though I see less and less of the current releases every year. But, I've been doing it on tumblr since 2012, so it's a tradition and everyone else does it so, why not?

There's a lot of movies I haven't gotten to see yet. Like, as far as I can tell Queer isn't available anywhere even though it's one of those movies I'm sure I'd love. Everyone seems to like The Brutalist, but I don't want to watch a bad cam recording. I don't usually see most non-American movies until the next year. Really excited to see that movie Viet and Nam.

That said, some honorable mentions:

Past Lives was a really beautiful film about a family immigrating to the USA from South Korea and how that affects their daughter and her friend's relationship, not to mention her identity. It's 5/5 for me but it's technically 2023 and it feels more fun to highlight the films I chose.

Perfect Days is a Japanese movie about a guy that works for a toilet cleaning company and it's really a beautiful movie. Like the previous mention the only problem is it's from 2023 and I think it'd be fun to highlight the films I chose.

Conclave is fun! Who would have thought picking the pope was exactly like high school cafeteria drama!

I'm sure no one cares for Speak No Evil, considering this one is an American remake. But, personally I had a lot of fun, James McAvoy is hot and honestly the family deserved it for diving a Tesla.

Drive Away Dolls is a really funny gay comedy. It's not good enough to make a "best of" list, but that doesn't mean it's not worth a watch. In that same respect, Bottoms was really funny. But again, not best of the year worthy, and it's from 2023.

Anyways! The list!

10 - Heretic

Heretic is one of those edgy pseudo intellectual movies that thinks it's so much smarter than it actually is. And I love it. Do not go into this expecting a horror movie, expect it to be some dude trolling some Mormon girls. Don't take it seriously and just enjoy the ride. It's funnier than it is scary. When the guy compares the Book of Mormon to Monopoly, or compares Jesus Christ to Jar Jar Binks? Hysterical.

9 - Alien: Romulus

I don't really have anything to add on to the letterboxd review. As a Alien lover, a Xenomorph fucker, and a die hard fan of the series, I really loved the atmosphere in this one. The world building was great. I'm happy we finally got a decent installment, finally.

8 - Challengers

Again, said most of what I need to up there. Challengers is not the movie you expect it to be. Funny as hell, interesting as hell, melodramatic as fuck.

7 - Will & Harper

Will & Harper is a breath of fresh air in today's transphobic climate. I didn't expect Will fucking Ferrel to be the trans ally of the year, but damn, he tried his hardest to keep Harper happy even in the darker moments. Will Ferrell's best movie (lol).

6 - Love Lies Bleeding

This fucking movie is insane. If you want to see a real lesbian crime thriller, this is it y'all. Music is excellent, acting is astounding, and they throw in some fucking curveballs to fuck with you. Underrated cinema.

5 - Monkey Man

Do you need another reason?

An amazing action flick in a similar vein to John Wick. Brutal, violent, but has so much heart. And we get amazing trans representation. This film looked beautiful, I'd argue only one other film had a visual aesthetic nearly as cool as this in 2024 (it'll come up later). Dev Patel wrote, directed, and starred in this, that's insane. He clearly had so much love for this project and it shows through.

4 - Look Back

I don't usually put anime movies on this list, but I don't know if I'll do an anime list this year so it has to be included.

From the creator of Chainsaw Man, we get a beautiful movie about friendship and loss. It's genuinely a beautiful piece of art.

3 - Femme

I'm not adding my letterboxd, it has spoilers in it and I don't want to ruin the ride. Technically a 2023 movie, but it's on John Waters favorite movie list of the year so it fucking counts.

A brutal look at internalized homophobia and the ways we hurt each other in our own communities. I can't recommend it enough, but trigger warnings for homophobia, assault, and abuse. It's really hard to get into the meat and potatoes of this movie without spoiling it. But, it's fucked up and well made.

I loved this movie. It looks so beautiful, the actors inhabit their characters so well it feels like it's all real, a gay horror movie if I've ever seen one.

2 - The People's Joker

Also technically not 2024, but this is the year everyone got to see it. But, The People's Joker is such a triumph of trans DIY bullshit. Making a movie about a trans woman Joker without the permission of DC sounds so stupid, but it comes together as one of the most interesting pieces of art to come out in the 2020s.

My first experience with this movie was unforgettable. I had no idea it existed, but my girlfriend who worked at a movie theater was like "this movie exists let's go see it!" And I was like, ok that's chill. I was hitting the weed vape so hard before going into this and killed me.

Live action, CGI, animation, this movie is a bizarre amalgamation of styles, built as this weird, indie love letter to Batman. Inside this shell of mixed artforms you find a very basic story about a trans woman finding herself and fighting for the respect of the people around her. And beyond that you can find comedy revolving around Batman lore or comedy revolving around inter community bullshit.

Outstanding movie. Would happily watch it 800 more times.

1 - I Saw The TV Glow

It couldn't be anything else.

Similar to previous, my movie theater girlfriend got a huge group of people together to go see this. I had seen trailers but I figured it was going to be a normal horror movie in the style of Candle Cove type shenanigans. I was very, very, very, very high when I saw this. Of the 15 or so people (all trans) that saw this, the majority were crying, a few were shell shocked and just left, and I'm there laughing about Phoebe Bridgers in the middle.

I don't think there's anything I can say about this movie that isn't already super well known. A transgender horror story with the message "it's never too late." As frightening, as sad as it is, it's also just the beginning of the story that'll have a happy end.

It's beautiful. Looks beautiful. Great soundtrack that fits the vibe. One of the best movies ever made, honestly.

[oceanicwriting]

you... love me?

part one. part two.

summary: one afternoon, while you're going home from work, you run into that man who had become a complete stranger in your life. how much had things changed? how much could you remember from that encounter?

pairing(s): theodore nott x fem!reader

a/n: this is part two of another story that's addressed above. you don't need to read the first one, but you might like it! i really liked this ending :-).

maybe angst...

ㅤㅤㅤ—mattheo's an asshole —hellen, your best friend, whines on the other end of the phone—. i swear i had no idea he'd invited everyone, including...

ㅤㅤㅤ—you don't have to worry. —you try to sound calm, but you weren't calm at all—. it's been a long time since we last saw each other. we must be over it, right?

ㅤㅤㅤ—that's the question i should ask you, don't you think?

ㅤㅤㅤit's been three and a half years since you last saw your ex-boyfriend from school who, at the last moment of the relationship, ended up being a complete stranger. so many things happened in the last months of the relationship that, after ending due to the tiredness of the repetitive arguments, avoiding him was a game in which you became an expert.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i'm completely over it. —you lie, stopping the supermarket cart in the fruit section.

ㅤㅤㅤ—of course. —the voice of your friend on the other end of the line extends the letter o, making you roll your eyes—. is that why you haven't been with anyone since then?

ㅤㅤㅤ—because i haven't wanted to, hellen —you answer, laughing as you grab some apples to put in the bag.

ㅤㅤㅤ—do you really think i've believed you every time you tell me that? i feel like you're always waiting for him. you want him to show up in your life as a completely different person, but every time i try to talk about him with you, you...

ㅤㅤㅤin the middle of the speech, one of the apples slips out of your hands, rolling across the neat floor of the supermarket until it hits the feet of a man on the other side of the displays. you turn around, still hearing your friend's voice prattling about everything that's wrong with your love life, but as soon as that man turns to pick up the apple, the entire world succumbs to silence.

ㅤㅤㅤbrown hair, messy and wavy, falling over his pale forehead. those blue eyes, hidden behind long, almost sleepy, drooping eyelashes, are glued to yours. you had the feeling that he had grown taller, or perhaps it was the musculature that widened his shoulders. he was well dressed in a black suit and long coat that gave him an overly adult air.

ㅤㅤㅤ—theodore —you say, perplexed.

ㅤㅤㅤ—yes, i'm talking about theodore. are you listening to me...?

ㅤㅤㅤ—hellen, i'll call you later.

ㅤㅤㅤtheodore hasn't moved, and you have the feeling that he's as stunned as you are by the materialization of your body in front of him.

ㅤㅤㅤ—hello. —the sound of his voice hasn't stopped affecting your heart rate, giving you goosebumps with the simple, carefree greeting—. you look... good.

ㅤㅤㅤyou smile, unable to do anything else in the face of the comment.

ㅤㅤㅤ—miss, could you let me pick some apples? —an adult lady with more wrinkles than you could imagine appears next to you, forcing you to move your cart—. thank you.

ㅤㅤㅤtheodore has also moved, being closer to each other. in your nose, you can feel the scent of his body hit hard, making you smell the air around you more than necessary.

ㅤㅤㅤ—this is yours —he says, extending the apple that was in his hand.

ㅤㅤㅤ—yes, thank you...

ㅤㅤㅤyour hands wrap around the fruit, brushing your fingertips against theodore's skin. it was as cold as you remembered, rough as unused sandpaper and electrifying as it had always been. everything felt so familiar that a current of panic runs through your spine.

ㅤㅤㅤ—what are you doing here? —you ask, feeling your voice shoot out in a fear-filled question—. i mean, here, in london.

ㅤㅤㅤand you weren't going to lie because more than once, you heard the voices of his friends saying that he was still in italy.

ㅤㅤㅤ—work and mattheo's engagement party —he says. with each word that left his lips, the air became lighter, allowing you to lower your defenses—. who knew he would be the first to get engaged?

ㅤㅤㅤyou laugh softly, noticing how theodore doesn't take his eyes off your happy expression. maybe after a long time things were different for both of you and you had to make the effort to disassociate your last experiences with him.

ㅤㅤㅤ—hellen can be very insistent when she wants to. —your whole body reacts to the smile you swore had gotten over, but he manages to send all kinds of sensations to your body—. you...? would you come with me? i still have things to buy.

ㅤㅤㅤtheodore looks at you, calm. his eyes have not left yours at any time, and you are sure that everyone has started to look at you strangely for standing there. then, he nods, making you release all the air you have been holding in your lungs.

ㅤㅤㅤas you wander around the supermarket you discover that theodore is still working as an astronomy teacher at the italian school of wizards and witches, he hasn't seen the boys since he left but they write letters to each other frequently, and he's had more than two partners since he finished school.

ㅤㅤㅤ—how about you? —he asks, picking up your bags to help you with them to the exit door—. are you going with someone to the engagement party?

ㅤㅤㅤand it's a moment, small as an ant against the planet, that you have the memory of that conversation between you. you remember how theodore dreamed of seeing you wear a white dress, walking to the altar where he would wait for you, surrounded by the people you loved and full of emotion. that had happened that year of your relationship, where everything was dyed pink before burning to ashes.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i... i'll go alone —you answer, unable to look at him because of the shame. theodore had gotten over you, and you had waited for him for a long time in the hopes of finding a new man—. thanks for carrying the bags.

ㅤㅤㅤhe could notice the way your uneasy gaze falls to the ground, handing over the bags and feeling the current from your body pass through his.

ㅤㅤㅤ—you're welcome.

ㅤㅤㅤand the truth of the matter is that not seeing each other for so long, right after breaking up the way you did, hadn't given way for either of you to grow. it's like you've both stopped in time because something was still tying you so tightly that moving forward was impossible. you turn around, ready to walk to the opposite side of theodore, but his voice stops you.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i lied to you. —he's firm, chasing away any trace of fear that blooms in the darkness of the sky—. i lied to you when i said that i've had partners in these years. since you left me, i haven't been able to move forward with my life.

ㅤㅤㅤyou turn to see him, noticing his blue eyes shining with honesty.

ㅤㅤㅤ—because you were right. —that makes you frown—. when someone loves you, they trust. when someone loves you, they listen. and if i loved you... i should never have done all the harm i did to you. and i know that i didn't love you, not like i should have.

ㅤㅤㅤ—theo...

ㅤㅤㅤ—and i waited all these years for you to come back like every time we argued when we were younger —he says, laughing bitterly—. that shows that i haven't been able to change.

ㅤㅤㅤeven though his words were loaded with a farewell, instead of shedding tears for the beating of your heart, you feel a weight lift off your shoulders.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i have to learn to love, and i'm sure i couldn't do it with you, because after a long time, i was still waiting for you to come back as if nothing had happened.

ㅤㅤㅤ—and i was hoping you'd come back a different man, theodore —you admit, smiling melancholy—. if you had said what i wanted to hear, i don't think anything would have stopped me from accepting it. would we have ended up in the same circle as years ago? no?

ㅤㅤㅤtheodore nods, letting out a long sigh.

ㅤㅤㅤ—i'm happy we can accept it —you say, smiling at the way all your fears have disappeared, and not because of his presence, but because you've cut that tie that bound you two—. i feel like i can move on with my life now.

ㅤㅤㅤhe agrees, and you both smile one last time before walking in your directions. sometimes, two people who love each other aren't made to be together, even if they feel so strongly attracted to each other. theodore and you loved each other a lot, but at the same time, you managed to understand that a life together wasn't for you.

dedicated to @lorenzozurzolocanruinmylife, sorry if it isn't what you expected, and i hope you like it! xoxo

[mrfellsans]

Crazy to think it's almost 2025..currently 9pm while I'm writing this and I wanted to say a few things

I might get into a bit of sensitive topics so be aware!

If you don't wanna read everything I wrote it's fine, short note:

thank you guys so much, sorry I didn't draw anything! have an amazing new year and I'm wishing you all the best genuinely from the bottom of my heart ❤

Hey first off I wanted to start it on a nice note and say HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL AND ALL OF MY MOOTS, you guys really changed me I mean I made SO many friends online and I'm so grateful for that and I'm also grateful for all the friends I already have that stuck to me or the people I got to know and get closer to this year. Just letting all of you know, my followers, friends, etc that I love you all dearly and I thank you all so much for the support you have no idea how much all of your kind words mean to me I love you all, adding onto that I was also able to improve my art a lot and I'm so proud of myself for that! If you have anything you have improved in just remember it and be proud of yourself for it!

And now to get a bit deep, this year was a roller coaster for me, especially during the end where a lot of stuff was going on with me. I remember at the start of 2024 I thought that I wouldn't live to see it be 2025 and my hopelessness peaked near the end and I was sure that I wouldn't make it, I was in such a horrible place but my family, you guys, other friends and people, you helped me stay here just long enough to see another day and realize that things aren't that bad, I thank everyone that has helped me get through it even when I felt like it wasn't worth it anymore and I have no idea how to thank everyone for it but thank you deeply from the bottom of my heart.

And to end it off, some goals I have next year is to improve more on me and my art. I really wanna learn how to animate, learn anatomy better, just in general I wanna learn SO much more in the art world and I hope this new year I'll achieve that!

I love you all.

And I hope you have an amazing new year ❤

-Selever

@yago-undertale @luigigirl12 @candymagnolia @izzy-the-chaotic-gremlin @moonflower-pies @cutechan555 @paras1t1c-squ1dd @bigboybird @trasho-pando2011 @tv-peppino @miaar10112 @pizzatowet13 @misdreavusplush @echostarsys @fluffygiraffe @nightofthephant0ms @yourlocalxiaosimp @idiotspage @mattplatonic @alan-william @radaverse @ask-crow-aus @the-rainbow-sandwich @panhbr @mrcarrotcakestuff @sa1tamasbiggestfan @djeycartanime05 @somecartoonisttalkshere @bellagrimfox @noir-ish-bee @lunar-dal @alice-the-demon @sunny-ismyname and literally many others

Sorry for the tag I just looked for moots that popped up on my notification box or I could think of at the top of my head so if you weren't included please don't feel bad, this is meant for all my moots and followers to see and yea pretty much! (＾ｖ＾) 

[hmhas-00]

Ch. 9

Hit Me Hard & Soft

A/N- Hi lovelies! I know it’s Wednesday, but yesterday was New Year’s Eve and I was busy throwing ass so I didn’t post. LMAO I will still be posting another chapter tomorrow (Thursday) as regularly scheduled though! 🤍

BPOV

“Billie, you wanna stop anywhere for food? It’s getting late and you barely ate lunch.” My mom walked over to my bunk, where I had been laying for the past 10 hours. I felt like shit all day. Mostly from the hangover of a lifetime that I was experiencing, but also from the things I said last night.

I shook my head, removing one of my AirPods. “Kinda nauseous.” I mumbled as she climbed in with me. I nuzzled my head into her arms.

“Have you heard back from Remy yet?” She asked, looking at my phone with me as I scrolled through tik tok.

“She called back but I didn’t answer.”

“Why not, honey?”

“Because…” I trailed off, not knowing exactly why. “She didn’t say goodbye.”

“Billie… Finneas told me about your fight last night. Don’t you think you were a little hard on her?” She said softly.

“I’m always putting her first, mom.” I locked my phone, setting it to the side. “She’s so unhappy there and she’s prioritizing it as if it were her dream job. I don’t get why she never listens to me.”

“I know that she’d never ask you to set your job aside… and she’d never ask you to leave what you love for her.” She looked at me with those wise eyes. The type that had seen all of the seasons of life, including mine.

“I know. But she’s not doing what she loves. I want her to do what she loves, here, with me.” I sighed.

“What do you think she loves?” She grabbed one of my cold hands and warmed it up in hers.

“I know she loves… film… directing… she loves to write scripts… and journaling.” I began to smile subconsciously. “She’s so creative, it’s like you opened Pandora’s box when she gets her crazy ideas.”

My mom nodded, letting me finish before commenting. “I think you love her so much, that you want her to achieve all of her dreams, just like you did. But do you remember when you danced? And you wanted to be a dancer?”

I nodded.

“And then you broke your growth plate, and you never danced again?”

“Yeah.”

“Look at you now. You’re a singer, songwriter, and you’ve been all over the world with Finneas… and everyone knows who you are. And everyone loves you. And have so many awards, you can’t even process it.”

“I know, but mom-“

“Honey, you love what you do. And you love that you make such a difference in all your fan’s lives. But you had no idea it would be this different back when you were dancing in that little studio.”

I shrugged.

“You didn’t. You couldn’t have imagined. It’s a whole different reality that you’re living, sweetheart. Sometimes you can’t see different perspectives when you’re in your own point of view. It’s so difficult to see beyond your own horizon… But you know what you did know?”

“What.”

“That Remy would be your biggest supporter no matter what. She cheered you on when you danced and she cheers you on to this day.”

“I know.”

“Honey, you gotta talk to her. She probably feels just as bad as you do. You both said things you didn’t mean.” She kissed my forehead.

“I’m mad at her, mom.” I stood my ground.

“Have you thought about the fact that you might just want to stay mad at her so you don’t have to miss her?”

It made sense when she said it out loud. What didn’t make sense is that I did miss her. I’m angry at her and want her here with me all at the same time. No closure, no hug goodbye, no apologies… the way I left was so unsatisfying. I wanted to hold her and tell her I’m sorry, while she probably apologizes even though she didn’t do anything wrong. It was mostly me. But I was mad at her, regardless. Because she wasn’t here, and it was easier to be angry, than be sad.

“I’m gonna get some sleep.” I put my one AirPod back in, grabbing my phone again. She kissed my forehead again and climbed out of my bunk.

“Let me know if you need anything, baby.”

I nodded, turning to face the wall. I drafted up texts to Remy, hovering over the send button, but deleted each one. As much as it hurt to think, I figured she didn’t want to hear from me.

This morning, I woke up at Finneas’ house, where he and Claudia repeated what I said to Remy.

I’m not going to lie, I cried for about an hour before getting on this tour bus when I realized Remy wasn’t coming to see me. I didn’t blame her, but at the same time, I would’ve gone to hug her goodbye no matter what she said to me.

I mean, I only want what’s best for her. All I ever do is look out for her. If she would only listen to me, she’d be so much happier. It’s soul crushing, every time she rejects my advice, my help… It feels like she’s rejecting me. And oh my, how it crushes my soul when she rejects me.

The truth is I’d do anything for her. I’d buy her a house, pay her parents enough each month for them to stop asking her for money, and bring her with me everywhere I go. I’ve asked her a million times to be my videographer, photographer, or anything at all she wants to be on tour. She refuses to accept money from me. She gets mad at me when I buy her expensive gifts, even on Christmas or her birthday. In a way, I loved that about her. I loved that she didn’t take advantage of me, or anyone else. I loved that she was a giver, but I wanted to give her more than she could ever imagine. The fact that she never lets me, hurts, even though it makes me respect her more.

God, I want to call her, tell her I’m sorry, and fly her out to Quebec so I can meet her there. But, I won’t. Because, she clearly doesn’t need my help, or my advice, or…. me. She said it herself, I’m a shitty friend. If I’m such a shitty friend, why am I the only one with her best interest in mind? I wasn’t trying to control her, or tell her what to do with her life. I was trying to help her reach her goals.

I wish I hadn’t drank so much yesterday. I wish we could’ve just gone to her apartment, spent our last night together in comfy clothes, eating snacks, and watching our show. I wish she had asked me to sleepover, so she could wake me up once or twice from tossing in her sleep, as she usually did around 2am. So I could cover her back up with the sheets she always kicked off, and feel her throw her leg over me, instead of all her satin-cased pillows.

I wish we hadn’t fought. I wish I would’ve kept it to myself. I wish I hadn’t said most of the things I said, in the way I said them. I felt nauseous thinking about how she might be feeling right now.

My thumbs lead me to her contact, hovering over the call button. But I stopped myself each time, feeling rejection and pain once again. Eventually, my eyes gave up the fight between them and my brain, sending me into a restless sleep.

♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡

About 12 days later, we performed in Newark, New Jersey.

“Dude, you were incredible out there! You don’t even need us!” Finneas hugged me backstage, properly greeting me. He came out to surprise me, and the rest of the audience, for a few songs in the setlist. I was ecstatic.

“I missed you so much, brudder! Thank you for coming.” I squeezed him, swaying side to side. I couldn’t contain my excitement.

“Are you kidding? I had to. I miss touring with you, this sucks.” He laughed. “How’ve you been?”

I let go and took a sip of my water. He sat on one of the seats, giving me his full attention.

“I’ve been okay.” I say, knowing whenever I have any free time at all, I spend it sulking and overthinking about what could’ve been. Touring is my favorite thing in the world, yet when my mind isn’t occupied by planning or rehearsals, it goes back to the same night.

“Let me rephrase. Have you been able to talk to Remy at all?” He shifted in his seat, crossing one leg over the other.

“No. I, uhh… I haven’t.” I shook my head, sitting next to him.

“Billie, it’s been like two weeks…”

“I know, I know. It’s just been so busy, and I’ve been struggling to even find the words- I just don’t have the time. I feel like it’s one thing after the other these days. I’m tired all the time, and when I have a couple days between concerts I just fall into this weird headspace.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“No. I’m not. I’m so happy when I perform. And then when it’s over it’s like I come down from this extreme high and it feels so anticlimactic.”

“That’s because you have no one to share it with.”

“That’s not true! I call you, and mom and dad all the time to-“

“Not the same thing. You know what I mean.” He tilted his head.

“Can we not talk about her please? I missed you I want to hang out.”

He nodded, “Yeah. Let’s go get some food.” He stood up and put an arm around me as we walked out.

At the restaurant, we ate and caught up. He showed me videos from his tour, and I did the same. I miss having him on tour, but no one could be more proud of him than I am.

Inevitably, the topic of Remy came back up, as I slid through my camera roll and came across a picture of us.

“Billie… we gotta talk about this.”

I slumped back into the booth, grabbing a French fry and munching on it.

“I don’t think you remember everything about that night, bro.” He propped his elbows up on the table and rested his chin on his hands.

“I know, I was an asshole, and I need to apologize-“

“Well, no. There’s more to it.” He squinted. I furrowed my brows, listening attentively.”

“I didn’t want you to feel like- I thought you remembered but I’m questioning now if you even do…” he rambled. I didn’t really know what he was talking about. The last part of that night was such a blur. It was my first and only black out I’ll ever have.

“What is it?” I shook my leg impatiently. I wonder if this was the reason she hadn’t texted me at all since I left.

Finneas looked at me like he didn’t know what to say. He struggled to find the words, making me more nervous by the second.

“Finneas… What did I do?” I asked him, my heart beating fast.

[cupidhoons]

➤ A LETTER FROM CUPIDHOONS 💌 ꒱ HAPPY NEW YEARS . . . let's enjoy the 2O25 season with love!

TO MY DEAREST CUPIDS . . . thank you for everything you have given me & blessed me with. i truly would not be here without you guys and i cannot help but feel that i don't deserve all 8OO+ of you 🥹 i thank you guys to the endless love and support you have all given me, even if most of you guys are silent readers 💕 i hope to see you all more in my inbox and in my comments in the future, as i enjoy all your interactions && reblogs with my works 🎀 thank you for being so amazing, and i cannot wait for us to grow in the coming year 🥹 writing has always been a place of comfort to me, and to be able to share it with you all and know that people enjoy my works truly means the world, so thank you.

TO MY BEST FRIEND AKA THE JAKE TO MY HOON ( @reiyaus ) . . . you probably won't see this since...well! 😅 but it still won't stop me from making && including you into my silly little note && special mention for you! to start off, thank you for being such an amazing && wonderful friend to me 🥹 you have quite literally changed the trajectory of my life if you will 🤓 i love all of our silly conversations together && the way we just clicked so easily && how we just get each other like that. you see me through and through, and i never would have expected to find such a beautiful person like you to be by my side 🤞 we're honestly such fucking freaks ijbol but i love that about us && it's how we built such a strong and genuine relationship with each other 😭😭 you always have a place in my heart, on or outside of tumblr!! i could say so much more about how much i appreciate you but im not even sure if you'll see this on time LMFAOO but anyway! ilysm && i miss you so fucking much dude (come back to my dms) 💔💔

TO MY DAY ONES ( @flwrstqr @elysianiki @ourhees && nae ) . . . words cannot explain how much i love you guys 🥹 each and every one of you hold such a special place in my heart and i truly feel honored to be a friend of you guys 💔 you guys have been with me since april, and have been with me through the thick and thin through this year. although we grew apart and rarely talk together as a group nowadays, it doesn't change the fact that i hold our group close to my heart. thank you all for being such amazing friends and i enjoy going into your guy's dms separately to talk.

TO MY TWIN, DANI . . . firstly, i would just like to say that i would not be back on tumblr without you, and i thank you for reassuring me that everything is && WILL be fine as the days pass. i also thank you for being such a true and supportive friend to me even on my bad days where i feel like i do not deserve anything. you make me feel so seen and loved, and you just get me. our brainwaves every time we talk, our silly conversations that we share, i love and appreciate each and every one of them. even on my worst days you still manage to make me smile && laugh, so i thank you especially. #TWINZ4LYFE!!

TO MY PUPU & MY KAIA ( @pshbites @tzyunaes ) . . . i love you both so much 🥹 i know i say this 24/7 (especially to you kaia, my older sister WAAHHH) but i really do. i cannot express how much you two mean to me and how much comfort you two have brought into my life. jenn, you are truly one of the sweetest souls i've ever met this year and i cannot wait to grow our friendship as the year starts over again. i know i've already told you this, but i am so grateful that i got closer to you, otherwise i wouldn't have been able to get to know such a silly side of you 🥹 my kaia, i would never have expected to be friends with you because of our age difference, but im so glad we did. talking to you && ending the year with you has truly been such a healing and wonderful experience and i love talking to you ever second of my day. i see you as my big sister && my comfort person, kaia.

TO THE REST OF MY MUTUALS . . . thank you for being oomfs with me ^_^ i'm not sure how many times i've said this, and i'll probably say it again as a close this off, but i love each and every one of you. you all are so wonderful && so sweet, not to mention the amazing writing skills you all put to use in your works. you all truly inspire me to write more often and improve my works each time i come across your blogs. i hope we all get closer as the year starts again and we continue to grow together 💞💞

💌 mutuals who i want to get closer to : @junislqve @hhmnya @coqhee @suneng @okwonyo @levandright . . . && more!

[syndrossi]

An ask for when you are needing a break (or procrastinating) from writing! Who are your favorite 3(ish) characters from Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon, or from the books? Only include Jon, Rhaegar and Daemon if you give me your favorite SIX characters, as that's clearly cheating. Are there any you like more/differently in the books vs. the tv shows? Or special characterizations you prefer for characters that don't have much screentime *cough* Rhaegar *cough*.

You're making me choose THREE(ish) only from all the books/shows???? That's so cruel! I should be allowed to choose three from each era!

Okay, okay, setting aside my three very obvious favorites (Daemon, Jon, Rhaegar)...

In no particular order:

Aemon, Baelon, Alyssa (bonus Jocelyn). What? Is this cheating? I don't care! Baelon in particular I find so compelling. We see so little of him in F&B, but what we do see is him utterly disconsolate after Aemon's death. Grown man collapsing in his mother's arms, sobbing from the pain after murdering thousands of pirates in revenge. Look, my literary type is very easy to spot, and it's "has the power and drive to burn the world for daring to hurt the ones I love." Especially because, by all accounts, Baelon isn't the murder-kill type normally. He's the joyful, playful one--the Silver Fool. I also have a huge soft spot for second sons. Aemon and Alyssa are our tragic "died too young" members of this group, with vastly differing personalities. I have a huge soft spot for quiet, soft types as well (your Aemons, Rhaegars, even Neds and Jons if you squint). Alyssa is the opposite: bombastic, her joy greater than even Baelon's. Her and Daemon being similar in personality means I feel like I would have loved her? How much did Rhaenys love her wild aunt Alyssa? I'll bet it was a lot.

Rhaena (Aenys's daughter). I was MESMERIZED reading about her life in F&B. This woman LIVED. She gave ZERO FUCKS. She was constantly threatening to feed men to her dragon, with good reason! She had favorites in every holdfast! She survived marriage to Maegor! When her mother died in childbirth, here was the speech she gave Rogar Baratheon: Her blood is on your hands. Her blood is on your cock. May you die screaming. […] She gave you one son, that should have been enough. Save my wife, you should have said, but what are wives to men like you? Hear this, my lord. Do not think to wed again. Take care of the whelps my mother gave you, my half-brother and half-sister. See that they want for nothing. Do that, and I will let you be. If I should hear even a whisper of your taking some other poor maid to wife, I will make another Harrenhal of Storm's End, with you and her inside it. Like...damn.

Sad bois Aegon III and Viserys II. Look, Aegon III breaks my heart for everything he endured. You would think that the Dance would have been the end of it but the intrigues after were awful too.

Baela. She faced Sunfyre on tiny little Moondancer and they won. (In the sense of Sunfyre dying, but poor Moondancer also died in the attempt.) She was 100% her mother's and father's daughter, like damn.

Hm, I'm stuck in F&B right now, oh well.

Rhea Royce has climbed her way into my heart as I've progressed in the AUs, especially Regnal. Her canon counterpart had to put up with Daemon being his utter worst in an attempt to get his brother to annul the marriage, and tbh I feel like she barely cared? Like, she was busy trying to rule Runestone, let that arrogant brat prance about and make a fool of himself, she had work to do. She also successfully supported little Jeyne Arryn when her male relatives kept trying to usurp her on account of being more qualified (read: male). I am so curious what she would have done as queen consort.

...I haven't even made it out of the Dance and could keep going. You'll have to send me another ask sometime for post-Dance and AGOT-era. 😂

[impromptu-sketches]

𝔹𝕃 𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟜 ✦ 𝕎ℝ𝔸ℙ-𝕌ℙ

happy new year!! ✨ °˖✧🥂✧˖° ✨

I enjoyed so much BL this year ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝ thank you to all of the authors, artists, & creators for your hard work and dedication. I promise every little detail you include we see and appreciate ♡♡

For all of the BL stories I’ve read this past year, I have a winner in 13 categories and 5 overall 2024 winners.

Enjoy!

.

.

✰ FUNNIEST

And the nominees are…

Punch Drunk Love (2023 winner)

Killer Crush (2022 winner)

Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi / The World's Greatest First Love: The Case of Ritsu Onodera

Lucky Paradise

Happy Crappy Life

And the winner is…

LUCKY PARADISE

I re-read this one this year and despite some emotional moments in the series, I laugh out loud every single chapter!! This one has ~layers~ to it, it hits so many different types of humor for me. Ho-in and Woojin are absolute clowns (bffs ♡) and Chunwoo is always so deadpan... I love them so much ٩( ᗒᗨᗕ )۶ Idc how many side chapters there are, I'll be reading them all ♡

.

✰ MOST INTRIGUING

And the nominees are…

Night Fragments

Gig of the Day

Liveta

Dawn of the Dragon

Scent and Sensibility

And the winner is…

LIVETA

Ahhhhhh ♡ I love Liveta ♡ Despite this one being ongoing since 2021 and being on hiatus a lot of this year, when it comes back -and honestly every single chapter- I'm pulled into this unique world all over again.

I'll definitely be re-reading this series before it ends. I feel like it's one of those where we don't register certain information the first time or understand the meaning of things, like the side characters, characters' history or traumas, context as to what happened when. I've already re-read it twice? three times? and I feel like there's more I missed! I love the complex characters, the inner & outer conflicts, I love the overall tone and balance of soft and dark scenes. This author can do it all!

We're on chapter 76 and I want to see so much more of their world and their stories. I can't wait to keep reading and I hope we still have a long way to go ♡

.

✰ BEST SEX SCENES

And the nominees are…

Coyote (2023 winner)

Honey Bear

4 Week Lovers

Pearl Boy

The Ghost's Nocturne

And the winner is…

HONEY BEAR

A very difficult choice... but this year specifically I was drooling over the spicy scenes in Honey Bear ʕ >ᴥ<ʔ

After that amazing author's note at the end of season 1, I knew. (If you haven't read the author's note, please do! These creators are hilarious, I love them so much ♡♡) They teased us a bit in the beginning and then fed us so well!! We got the BAKERY scene! And then they topped that ;) with the dom/sub scene - THE FREAKING BREATHE PLAY!!!! The hot springs scene... literally every single sex scene \(0_0)/

I love when the bottom is so horny, enthusiastic, and desperate for their (future) bf!! And what makes it even better is that they're so cute together and so sweet to each other ♡♡ I love them so much ♡♡

.

✰ FAVORITE FLUFF

And the nominees are…

Our Sunny Days

Boyfriends

To the Stars and Back

Sasaki and Miyano

Hirano and Kagiura

And the winner is…

SASASKI AND MIYANO

THE SLOW BURN IS KILLING ME!! I really just melt reading about these two ♡ they're so soft and sweet to each other ♡ I'm obsessed ♡

I want to see them continue to grow on their own and together, I want to see them bond over more BL (specifially I want Sasaki fudanshi moments haha), I want to see more of them happy and in love, and seeing each other's family & friends. I want them to go on a double date with Hirano and Kagiura hahaha ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و

.

✰ FAVORITE BOTTOM

And the nominees are…

Park Seon-Woo | Punch Drunk Love (2023 winner)

Victor Luna | Liveta (2021 winner)

Shin | Shutline

Yeomin | Gig of the Day

Dohu | Between the Lines

And the winner is…

YEOMIN | GIG OF THE DAY

Yeomin!! Oh my god, he's so cute!!

The thing I love about Yeomin is that his character is set up as a stereotypical bottom we see often where he's poor, in debt, has no family/the family he does have is awful and takes advantage of him, and he must work hard just to survive. But unlike other characters, Yeomin is outgoing, cheerful, and surprisingly positive. Even after scary moments, he bounces back pretty fast. We see him smiling a lot with friends, and of course, with Tae-seo.

One of my favorite parts in the beginning of the story that made me fall for this little cutie was when Tae-seo took him out to eat for the first time and Yeomin talked his ear off about school, and other random things in his life (,,>﹏<,,) he's so precious we must protect him (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง Tae-seo, you better step up and be nice. (I trust this author to do him right ♡)

.

✰ FAVORITE TOP

And the nominees are…

Juwon | High Clear

Minwoo | Topsy Turvy

Dooshik | Pearl Boy

Kahyeok | Killer Crush

Jae-hee | 4 Week Lovers

And the winner is…

DOOSHIK | PEARL BOY

I love Dooshik so much ♡ always have, always will. This year he's been suffering... as have I while reading Pearl Boy... but I hope he gets his happy ending ♡

I want to see him carefree dancing in the club again ♡ I want to see him being silly and dorky and singing in the car with Jooha ♡ I want to see him being submissive (haha, just me? I liked seeing him cry tho)

The way this man hasn't wavered one bit and tried to be so strong for Jooha ♡o(╥﹏╥)o♡ he deserves all of the happiness.

.

✰ FAVORITE COUPLE

And the nominees are…

Dooshik & Jooha | Pearl Boy (2021, 2022, & 2023 winner)

Skylar & Cirrus | Lost in the Cloud

Sasaki & Miyano | Sasaki and Miyano

Taeman & Kahyeok | Killer Crush

Suyong & Jaehyun | Topsy Turvy

And the winner is…

DOOSHIK & JOOHA | PEARL BOY

4th year in a row ♡♡ I JUST LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR!!!

。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。I love them both so much - as individual characters and especially together ♡♡ The way they've both had their own and intertwined character development that continues even now, the way they're so ride-or-die serious about each other but also silly stupid in love. They really saw each other at their lowest rock-bottom moment in life and said... 'yup, he's mine'

I don't know how much longer we have left of their story but I hope we get to see them going about their new life together ♡♡

.

✰ FAVORITE SIDE COUPLE

And the nominees are…

Sys & Randolph | King's Maker: Triple Crown

Ichikawa & Kikuchihara | Twilight Out of Focus

Minwoo & Norman | Topsy Turvy

Seolho & Hyunshik/boss | Killer Crush

Mi-Rye & Kyungbin | Merry Marbling

And the winner is…

MI-RYE & KYUNBIN | MERRY MARBLING

I don't even know where to start with these two... this author really fleshes out their characters and these two are no exception. It's so interesting to see them from their first interactions together up until now. They're so high school shy silly cute!! The time when Mi-Rye secretly followed Kyungbin to his away practice camp thing (˃ ▿ ˂) Mi-Rye is a fool for him HAHA

One thing I'm dying to know even though we may never find out... is who's top and who's the bottom!! I can't figure these two out. If it was up to me, I would definitely make them vers, pretty equally. That's how I see them right now anyway.

Looking forward to reading more of their story ♡♡

.

✰ COUPLE I MOST WANT TO BE IN A THROUPLE WITH

And the nominees are…

Karlyle & Ash | Define the Relationship (2023 winner)

Ye-gyum & Jooin | Lovesick Dog

Taeman & Kahyeok | Killer Crush

Deisel & Ein | Wolf in the House: Nightfall

Joowon & Aiden | Bend over Backwards

And the winner is…

YE-GYUM & JOOIN | LOVESICK DOG

Them ゜・。。・゜゜・。。・゜♡

First, they're so cute and domestic ♡♡ can't beat being lazy at home together. Another couple who are so sweet to each other and care about each other so much ♡♡

Second, the switch vibes are immaculate. They don't actually switch :/ sadly, because I know this author has done that in their past work, but there are side chapters coming out! So maybe there's hope?

Regardless, I've loved these two from the beginning and I would be so happy in this relationship ♡

.

✰ FAVORITE MAIN CHARACTER

And the nominees are…

Taeman | Killers Crush (2023 winner)

Park Seon-Woo | Punch Drunk Love

Shin | Shutline

Juwon | High Clear

Yeomin | Gig of the Day

And the winner is…

SHIN | SHUTLINE

I love all of these characters so much (>ω<) but Shin... he just cracks me up. Tough-guy mechanic, smarter than he looks, vers king, self-proclaimed lowlife, and in too deep... I mean, he recognized Jake from his -footsteps- alone. He's so funny without even trying. And these overalls (●//▽//●) finally we get to see him in sexy overalls!!

I love Shin's smile ♡ I hope we get to see more of him smiling ♡

.

✰ FAVORITE SIDE CHARACTER

And the nominees are…

Sys | King's Maker: Triple Crown (2023 winner)

Seolho | Killer Crush

Woojin | Lucky Paradise

"the kid" | Our Sunny Days

Kyungbin | Merry Marbling

And the winner is…

SYS | KING'S MAKER: TRIPLE CROWN

I didn't even read any of Kings Maker this year (/ω＼) (I'm waiting for the mature version to be complete and then I plan to re-read the entire series) but Sys is such an icon ♡ I haven't read any of season 3 yet but I'm so freaking excited!!!! I want to see him and Randolph, I want to see more of him and his two guards ♡♡ and just Sys being his badass fashionable self ♡♡♡

.

✰ FAVORITE BOY

And the nominees are…

Juwon | High Clear (2023 winner)

Sasaki | Sasaki and Miyano

Cirrus | Lost in the Cloud

Yeomin | Gig of the Day

Minwoo | Topsy Turvy

And the winner is…

CIRRUS | LOST IN THE CLOUD

Oh my god Cirrus... I don't know what to say. Honestly, I love how messy this boy is. I love his regular high schooler side, his flirty side, when he was begging for Skylar's attention and was pouty when he didn't get it. I love his silly and innocent side. I love his dark side and his anger. I love everything about him ♡♡

This poor boy has gone through so much. He really went through hell as a child and -then- had to deal with psychological warfare in his own home for years :( I want to see him living on his own with Candy (his dog) again. I want to see him happy and silly with Skylar ♡♡

Despite everything lol I think they're so good for each other.

.

✰ FAVORITE TOXIC BL

And the nominees are…

Twittering Birds Never Fly (2023 winner)

Lost in the Cloud

Boss Bitch Baby

Gig of the Day

Jinx

And the winner is…

GIG OF THE DAY

Yay!! Even though Gig of the Day doesn't have a very unique plot, I loved this one from the very first chapter!! It felt refreshing, I think because of Yeomin's character but also because of the overall tone.

When I first started it, I thought that it was going in a slightly different direction... I thought Tae-seo would basically be one of those 'I'm an asshole to everyone but you' characters and Yeomin wouldn't know about his other side as a director (or as an asshole lol) until much later. I thought Tae-seo would fall for him and get swept up in his feelings - even if he didn't realize them yet - and not be able to treat him poorly. Like, he would want to because that's typically what he does, but he would just give in to whatever Yeomin wanted. I got that vibe (just like Yeomin lol) when he stayed the night, took him out for food, etc. in the beginning. But despite doing those things that could be seen as caring, he didn't treat Yeomin the best... haha (although he was honest & upfront about what he wanted so it wasn't completely awful).

Even though it didn't go like how I was imagining, I trust this author with the redemption arc and turning him into a simp (ㅅ´ ˘ `) we're seeing glimpses of that already haha I love it. Plus, I LOVE how Tae-seo is always there at the right moment for Yeomin and is his protector. Idc about practicality, I love all of those scenes.

.

✰ SUING FOR EMOTIONAL DAMAGE

And the winner is…

PEARL BOY

... again. I'll stop choosing Pearl Boy when it stops giving me anxiety!! Even though I didn't sob like last year, I'm always on edge reading this one because when they're happy I think something bad is coming and we're already on the side chapters so I don't know how much longer we have until the end! One chapter? Thirty?? They're still crying it can't end yet!! (つ﹏⊂)

Some lucky bastards will discover this a year or two from now and have a whole completed work to enjoy while we suffered and stressed since 2021!!

Worth it tho ♡♡♡

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✰ FAVORITE NEW BL

And the winner is…

A FIRST OF SUMMERS

Oh my god, y'all, I just started this like last month and it's so freaking cute (●//▽//●)

The art is amazing & original, these two are adorable!! An age gap where they both question the age gap?? Unheard of. Younger top x older bottom, younger guitar teacher x older guitar student ♡♡♡ fluffy & smutty (˵ᵕ̴᷄ ˶̫ ˶ᵕ̴᷅˵) my heart is so full ♡♡

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✰ FAVORITE ONGOING BL

And the winner is…

TOPSY-TURVY

AHHHHHHHHH!!!! Okay, if you're not reading Topsy-Turvy or you tried it and you didn't like it in the first few chapters, I'd give it another try if I were you!!!

Starting this, I didn't take it too seriously and thought it was just going to be another little goofy college story. BUT NO. It's a glorious mess of love triangles that I can't get enough of!!! I've already read it twice!!

First, the main couple is FREAKING ADORABLE!!! They're hilarious frenemies? in the beginning and then super sweet ♡♡ switch energy but don't switch (yet. I swear the author is teasing us) I love their dynamic so much ♡♡

One love triangle turns into another ~ it's driving me crazy!!! I ship Minwoo & Norman but I don't know if they're endgame (☍﹏⁰)｡ Norman's friend/fwb gives off creepy vibes to me (not in a good way) and now this new guy from the past just showed up in season 3!?! :/

I'm open to the author changing my mind. Whatever they give us I'm thankful for ♡♡ We're getting at least 50 more chapters from here (the korean is at ch. 152 and ongoing, we're currently at ch. 103). I'm happy we still have a long way to go (≧◡≦)

I've had so much fun reading this one so far!! ♡♡♡

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✰ FAVORITE BL THAT ENDED THIS YEAR

And the winner is…

UNDER THE GREEN LIGHT

I'm sad to see this one end, but it was time for them to get their happy ending ♡ Under the Green Light has been consistently amazing since the very beginning and I've had such a great time reading it over the years.

The ending was amazing in my opinion ♡ I would have liked to see a bit more of them happy & living together & obsessed with each other... but that's how I always feel lol

The REVEAL at the end... got me so emotional and when I inevitably re-read it again, it'll make the story even better ♡♡

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✰ FAVORITE BL OF 2024

And the winner is…

CHERRY MAGIC! THIRTY YEARS OF VIRGINITY CAN MAKE YOU A WIZARD?!

I can't stop looking at this volume 11 cover art (⊃//˶̫ //⊂)

Okay, I've loved Cherry Magic for a few years now but this year we got three volumes of them being newlyweds & living their happy life together ♡♡♡

We got the anime series!!! (loved it!!)

And we got the thai live action series (I'm currently watching and will be posting my thoughts later)

♡:.。ღ˘◡˘ற.。.:♡

Watching their story in all of these adaptations just makes me love them more ♡♡ and honestly makes me want to re-read the manga again. We get so many more small insights and moments in the original that I want to see again... one of my favorites is Kurosawa remembering that he wrote 30 songs about Adachi before they got together when he was crushing on him HAHAHA (��>ꇴ<) omg I will never get over that.

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Thank you for reading!

[yellow-kudzu]

My heart is broken for my city of New Orleans. For all its problems on a city-level and state level, I do love this city. I never thought terrorism would hit my smaller city and I'm frankly in shock. My heart aches for the families who are affected by this tragedy.

I spent the morning of New Year's Day preemptively telling loved ones that my partner and I are safe. (I worked that evening and he was home safe) gutted knowing many family members affected by this weren't receiving texts like this. The previous year we were on Bourbon showing our out of town friends a good time. The Sugar Bowl draws a massive crowd, Bourbon was the craziest I had seen it that year.

New Orleans is everything to me. It's got a reputation for being boozy, but there is so much more than that to be found here. It's emphasis on welcoming everyone and encouraging others to have a good time with one another, enjoying the riches of life including spending those moments with people you love, means so much to me. I've been a server for years and have served people all over the world and you can feel the love for the city and what we provide from everyone. This is truly a place of connection and resilience.

Please keep the city and the families in your hearts.

[lovelucilfer]

candy corn and skittles for sasuke and twix and snickers for chrollo!!!!!

Kendall, the sweetest strawberry in the patch!! 💖

I'm sorry for getting to this so much later than planned. But even some for Chrollo too ahhhhh! Thank you so much for asking!! 🥺💕

candy corn – what cute/corny/cheesy nicknames do you use for each other?

Sasuke isn't big on nicknames, and when I say this what I mean is that he's not really one to use them. That doesn't mean he isn't fond of the ones I use for him!! Which are babe, sweetheart, and love (unless Naruto should overhear and decide to mimic me, then he isn't so fond). As for me, Sasuke usually just prefers to call me by name. But when we're alone or out of earshot of other people, and he feels like flustering me? Then I'm his lil' tomato.... 😳🍅

skittles – what color(s) remind you of the other(s)?

I was hoping to get this one!! Sasuke is deep navy and dark blues for me. Kind of like the night sky? Because that's when I feel the safest and most at peace, and he gives me the same feeling. Also because blues symbolize trust and loyalty. And though I associate myself with yellow, I think white makes Sasuke think of me more. White is a fresh start. It's pure and true (like my love for him), it's in the onigiri I make for him, it's a blank page or canvas (and I'm an artist). It's also like I'm another light in his life? Very... if he's the night sky, I'm the stars sort of thing kdjbvhjvfbdjd 👉👈

twix – in what ways do you complement each other?

This is the hardest one to answer so far. >.< But I think that Chrollo and I are both quite reflective thinkers, who really crave to understand the things that interest us deeply? Even if those interests are entirely different, I think we have a lot of respect for how the other's mind works, and so conflict is minimal. I'm also a very good, attentive listener, and I think Chrollo appreciates that I remember details of the endless things he tells me. And I feel the need to mention that I am a Taurus and he is a Scorpio... and I think that speaks for itself.

snickers – what’s the dumbest/silliest thing that makes all of you laugh?

Hmm, in the au where I am also a nen user, and frequently commissioned by Chrollo to assist the troupe with heists... we like to people watch while we're playing our parts at whatever grand event he has his sights set on upending. We'll see who can get a better read on the other guests, or otherwise come up with ridiculous fake lives/backstories for everyone who passes by. In the au where I'm a civilian/have no idea who he really is, we do this in parks and cafes. 🤭

[rings-of-power-realm]

Literally crying (the good kind) after watching that trailer for like the fifth time today and I'm just so overwhelmed because this show Middle Earth and everyone in it is so important to me and these trailers have been so epic and beautiful full of emotion and light and dark and everything I love from Tolkien and LOTR films (since the trilogy was how I first got into Middle Earth) and I never thought I'd see something that would compare to LOTR Trilogy but The Rings of Power truly does. I care so much about these characters just like I do Frodo and Sam and Aragorn and Eowyn etc.

And it also makes me emotional hearing Bears beautiful rousing score once again he is gonna knock it out of the park. Im crying at Celebrimbor at Elronds desperate fight to save the world and people he loves at Galadriel and the huge weight she carries. I am so invested in them all.

It looks phenomenal from the music and costumes to the dialogue and set pieces this world is real they have made magic and it deserves so much appreciation so much love because I can see that it is made with heart and soul and is a story for all time, one that I am so grateful to hold so close.

[relicsongmel]

The Hawthorne twins suffered more than Jesus

[ollylotl]

I WANT TO HEAR YOUR DAKOTA N VYNCENT THOUGHTS SO BAD please tell me about them.....

oooh dakota and vyncent…, where do i start. i warn you i don't normally do like. character analysis writing type posts? so please excuse if it's bad.

they have perhaps the most strained relationship out of the prime defenders. but that's not necessarily a bad thing. it's really compelling. they're very similar but also very different at the same time. and maybe this is why they can sort of grate against each other sometimes, but is also why they are such good friends who can rely on each other.

vyncent grew up living a life that, while not necessarily comfortable, he was familiar with. he was happy and he had a support system in the greats and his parents. that got ripped away from him very suddenly and he got dropped in the deep end of a world entirely unfamiliar. meanwhile dakota (from after his parents death onwards) had a very difficult childhood. he spent many years without a support system - his parents gone, his aunt struggling herself and not able to care for him as he needs. but he's had time to learn to deal with that. rockfall/new haven is where he's grown up, and he knows it like the back of his hand. so they're both struggling but like in opposite ways? where vyncent has been okay for most of his life but now he hasn't had a chance to adjust, while dakota's been going through it for longer but that means he's been able to adjust and is familiar with the rules of this world.

they also have opposite ways of coping with bad things / tackling their problems. dakota shuts down. vyncent lashes out. dakota is determined to never take a life. vyncent comes from a world where fighting to the death is normal. dakota not only trusts, but idolises heroes. vyncent has been nothing but let down by them and doesn't trust them at all.

i think about that scene in season 1 so much where they're at mark's house, and tide has been taken, and dakota's just shut down. vyncent starts yelling at him because he's lost everything he had in this world and can't afford to just stop like that. it's just the perfect example of how their opposite experiences and coping mechanisms cause them to clash.

more extremely, when william gets killed. dakota completely breaks down, while vyncent starts attacking even more furiously. then vyncent is like. almost pleading (? you could say? not sure if thats the word) with dakota to just get up and fight because he can't do this alone. he can't do this without dakota. he couldn't have done any of this without dakota.

but in perhaps the more simple ways, they're quite alike. they're the epitome of dumb teenage boys. i mean, they'll just break into a duet on the train. they goof off together - the shopping cart race, that one scene in the gym in season one.

so. like. they lean on each other. they both don't have much to rely on. but they have each other. i think vyncent was probably, even if its a large part subconsicous, feeling betrayed when dakota left over the s1-2 timeskip. likewise how dakota felt betrayed over the bino and mark thing / mal amulet / belltech, etc. etc. but they stick together. no matter what they go through they get out of it, and they get out of it together.

so. okay apologies for taking so long to say so little. essentially what i like most about dakota and vyncent's friendship is that duality of relying on each other both out of necessity and because they're the only ones who really get each other, and also having the energy of like. "hey bro how many slices of pizza can i fit in my mouth at once. hey bro bet you cant backflip off of this building. hey bro let's do a karaoke duet of breaking free from high school musical"

as vyncent himself said in late season 2. they're brothers. (falls over and sobs)

[sapphicautistic]

my partner's family is 100% how i'm going to get covid