#it makes me want to chew on drywall and all that

[demigod-shenanigans]

I appreciate you taking the time to ramble so much, especially knowing PJO is far from your main fandom at the moment. It means a lot that you still care about this fic. Also, despite you saying you won’t have as much to say, this is actually the most detailed comment I’ve gotten on this chapter :)

I’ve had a pretty miserable day (I had an exam and there’s a pretty decent chance I might not even get a passing grade and have to retake said awful exam, which is unfun) and this comment has been a very appreciated bright spot.

-With the way the scene is written I could never figure out if Leo is actually in pain while he’s dead (I hope being in pain while you’re dead is not a thing, that would suck massively) or if that’s actually the start of him getting resurrected and it sucks so bad specifically due to the way he died (kind of like someone with severe burns slowly waking up/coming out of anesthesia?). Either way, yeah, he’s definitely uncomfortably familiar with painful deaths and thinking about Jason being alone and in pain the way he was… very much not fun for Leo. At least he’d never consider Jason ending up in the fields of punishment an option like he apparently did for himself 😬

-I honestly cannot blame people too much regardless of which way they write Caleo because their canon writing is just… all over the place and not even in a fun way. Personally, I kind of love the messy train wreck angle of leaning into all the ways they just don’t work but making it about them being a bad fit rather than either of them being bad people. They’re both traumatized kids trying their best given the circumstances but the circumstances do not do them any favors and they’re just a terrible fit even outside of these specific circumstances. Sometimes you meet exactly the wrong person at exactly the wrong time and you want to love each other so bad but holy shit are your attempts at it just making it worse for both of you. I went into this more in chapter four (which is the only chapter or the fic Calypso has any sort of major role with) and actually had a lot of fun with it.

They’re awful together, and if they’d been written messy intentionally in the books and that had been addressed, it could have been really interesting to explore, but instead they’re a toxic mess couple that’s constantly fighting and don’t seem to even like each other half the time and also for some reason this is all Leo’s fault for being sexist despite the fact that Calypso is downright mean to Leo several times. It made me want to chew drywall.

Anyway, Leo is grieving and Calypso is not coping with the whole situation of being left behind again well and neither of them are terrible people for it. They’re just human. (Also yeah Lester being the narrator did not do Leo or Calypso any favor in Dark Prophecy LOL. I still wish we’d gotten a split POV for ToA to give some extra nuance to these situations we only get an—at times relatively disinterested—outside perspective on.)

Anyway, I’m rambling, but I’m glad the way I handled them worked for you so far :D

-I always have so much fun with Leo being the only one of them who can cook. And Piper, menace that she is, is just gonna eat whatever looks tasty to her, food groups be damned LMAO

-Leo is just generally super respectful re: food preferences, but I also think in this situation specifically he only made veggie toppings because he knows Piper doesn’t love the smell of cooked meat (she tolerates it and won’t say anything about it but he knows her well enough that he can tell).

-I make no promises re: the crying in future chapters haha. Some of them are pretty sad (not all of them though, I promise)

This is most definitely the longest I’ve worked on a fic without posting it since I first started posting my fics at all, and it still doesn’t feel entirely real that I finished it. My relationship with it pingpongs at times (like it does with my writing in general) but it is the biggest project I’ve finished in ages and that is pretty cool.

Again, thanks for taking the time to read and comment, it’s immensely appreciated <3

The choiceless hope in grief (chapter 2)

Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.

But the gods aren’t done with them just yet, and by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.

This time, Leo decides he’s done just taking the Fates’ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworld… well, it’s probably not even the most reckless thing he’s ever done.

The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.

And after the life he’s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.

Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.

Word Count for chapter 2: ~6k

Rating: Teen and Up

< Prev | Next >

General notes for this chapter: -More grief/self-loathing themes. Not sure if I’ll be warning for those for each chapter individually since they’re quire relevant to the overall fic, but it’s been a minute, so I thought the reminder probably couldn’t hurt. (It having been a hot minute since I posted the first chapter is also the reason why I put the fic summary here again, I won’t do that for every chapter) -This does also go into the demigod deaths from Tyrant’s Tomb (at least a little bit). The death toll in that book is huge and I honestly found it really upsetting. I’m aware the Hunters don’t canonically stay behind to help rebuild but this is my fic and I can do what I want <3

-For my sanity and yours, we’re suspending our disbelief and taking the fact that Calypso is mentally sixteen in canon at face value. Her and Leo have a variety of problems, and, as should be clear by the premise of this fic, they’re not gonna last, but please note that I will be treating them both as traumatized teenagers.

———

Chapter 2: Piper tries to make burritos unsupervised

The first Iris Message came through on the ninth of April, barely ten minutes after breakfast. Piper’s dad was already at work, which at least meant they thankfully didn’t have to explain why there was a floating rainbow that had people’s faces in it chilling in the middle of the living room.

It was Thalia and Reyna. 

Leo hadn’t even realized they knew each other, but apparently the Hunters of Artemis—Diana, whatever—had come to Camp Jupiter’s aid. This should have been a relief, but there was no relief to be found in Reyna’s expression. The only flicker of joy he saw on her face was when she told them she’d be joining the Hunters.

It wasn’t the kind of decision Leo had expected from Reyna. Then again, she barely looked like the same girl that had shown Leo around New Rome with a proud smile, eagerly listening to and expanding on Leo’s ideas for fortifications and long-range weaponry. Had it really only been a few weeks since then? It felt like a lifetime ago now.

There was still that same grim set to Reyna’s jaw, but her usual proud posture looked more like she was… well, posturing, for lack of a better word. And the expression on her face… 

Leo knew that expression. He had seen it in the mirror many times as a child, and again in the last few weeks. It was the expression of someone who’d seen their home get burnt down to the foundations and found themself sitting in the wreckage.

He knew the kind of news they were getting even before Reyna started telling them what had happened.

Thalia was easier to look at—Thalia, whose grief was all fury, small bolts of electricity dancing through her dark hair like she was the human embodiment of a storm cloud.

At that moment, she looked nothing like Jason. It was such a relief that Leo almost cried.

They’d won the battle against the emperors, but Reyna called it a Pyrrhic victory—one that was so disastrous for the victors that it was basically indistinguishable from a defeat.

New Rome was in ruins. So many had been wounded. Even more people were dead.

Leo felt sick to his stomach. He’d known some of these demigods. Not well, admittedly, but he’d fought side by side with them. The thought that so many lives had been cut short, and that none of the gods had bothered to interfere for the longest time, despite the fact that it was their kids down there, made him want to punch something. 

Knowing that at least some of them had probably been friends with Jason in the life he’d never properly remembered, and how desperately Jason had always tried to protect everyone when the gods couldn’t be bothered to… 

Leo clenched his trembling fists, flames dancing in his curls and licking at his arms, all the way up to his elbows.

He needed to go outside and cool down for a bit to avoid lighting Piper’s bedroom on fire by accident.

~~~~ They were talking about Jason’s funeral when he got back. Thalia hadn’t been able to make it, which felt like a punch to the gut. She hadn’t found out he’d died until after it was already over. Percy and Annabeth still didn’t know, and Reyna wasn’t sure about Nico.

And there was the regret Leo had been so terribly afraid of feeling. He didn’t regret keeping Piper safe, especially not after hearing just how hard-won the ensuing battle had been. She was sitting here, next to him, alive, and nothing would ever make him regret that. It wasn’t even that he suddenly thought attending the funeral would have brought him any closure. How the fuck could there ever be closure for something like this?

But the thought of Jason, who’d been abandoned by both of his parents and had his memory wiped by his patron—whose camp had barely looked for him after he’d gone missing—going into death alone, surrounded mostly by strangers who had only known the person he’d been before he’d lost his memories, if that, made Leo feel sick to the stomach. 

It didn’t matter that he knew Jason would have cared more about them being safe than he would have about them attending the funeral. It felt like failing him all over again.

“I ditched you both in life, and now he’s gone, and I couldn’t even bother to be there for him, then.”

His eyes were swimming again. Piper wrapped her arms around him wordlessly. 

Reyna—serious, stoic, collected Reyna—had an expression on her face like she wanted to reach through the Iris Message and pat his head.

“I held some private rites for him,” Thalia said gently. It wasn’t worded as a suggestion, but the meaning was clear anyway. “I’ve also spent a lot of extra time shooting arrows at stuff lately. It helps, if only a little.”

“The only thing I could shoot here is Leo, and he hasn’t annoyed me that much yet,” Piper commented, so Leo promptly kicked her in the shin. “Ow! Actually, keep it up and I might use you for target practice, after all.”

“You can’t. I still owe Thalia hot sauce.”

It was such an absurd statement that even Reyna almost cracked a smile. “Yeah, I’m going to need context on that one.”

~~~~

Two hours later, a rainbow image of Frank and Hazel popped up. The worst part of that conversation was them asking how exactly it had happened, because apparently Apollo had performed a song about it, which had been emotional but not super clear on the details. Piper struggled to tell the story again, and she was reassured several times that she didn’t have to, but she pushed through. The only slight comfort was that Jason would have been dead right away—hopefully he hadn’t been in pain for long.

The second worst part of the conversation was way more mundane: Frank asking what their plans were going forward. 

Leo didn’t think there would be much going forward for him, just in general. In his mind, he’d been planning on staying in this reprieve forever—playing video games and getting lost in the woods with Piper as they continued to pointedly ignore the emptiness of the third chair at their little table.

Jason’s face kept popping up in his dreams, but the days were mostly bearable as long as he was here with Piper.

But then Piper talked about school, and the classes she was planning to take, and the possibility of college somewhere in the area. She talked about her dad and camping and maybe getting a job to help out.

Things that a person with a normal life would have done.

And, okay, maybe a part of Leo had realized that his idea of the future wasn’t exactly realistic. He also realized he couldn’t stay 

there forever. He didn’t want to be a burden on Piper and Tristan. He knew how long Piper had been wanting to properly spend time with her dad, and now she actually had the chance to, and here Leo was, inserting himself right into the middle of their already complicated father-daughter-relationship. He wasn’t supposed to be here, messing this up for her.

As much as he disliked thinking about this, he couldn’t keep ignoring that particular part of reality. He’d already spent too much of his life in homes where he wasn’t wanted. He couldn’t stand the thought of bothering Piper so much that she started feeling that way about him, too.

As good as it felt to see Hazel and Frank, a part of Leo was relieved when they ended that call. The even more horrible, selfish part of him was also glad Hazel had promised to be the one who told Nico. Leo didn’t know him that well, but he knew Nico didn’t have many friends and that he’d already lost too much. That particular breakdown Leo felt like he was in no way equipped to handle. He could hardly even deal with himself right now.

The calls didn’t stop. 

Piper’s siblings called, asking how she was and what had happened, and so they had to tell the story again, tearing off the scab and making their wounds bleed all over the place. 

Then, like everything else wasn’t bad enough, Leo got an IM from a very anxious Harley, who seemed relieved he was alive and asked when he was coming back to camp. 

“Don’t know yet,” Leo said, forcing a smile. “Probably not for a while. I’ll call you, though. I promise.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell his kid brother that he wasn’t sure he was ever coming back—that even thinking about stepping into this place that was brimming with memories of Jason made him feel sick to the stomach.

Leo supposed he couldn’t blame Reyna for wanting to leave behind a city full of ghosts when he couldn’t even handle one of them.

~~~~

Shel invited Piper out for coffee two days later. Via letter, of all things, because obviously Piper hadn’t had a phone number to give her but Shel apparently wouldn’t let that stop her.

“You falling out of a tree really did it for her, hm?” Leo teased, trying to read the letter over Piper’s shoulder. 

“Har. Har. Har.”

“Hey, you were the one who said you liked me being supportive and annoying.” He nudged her. “Come on, what’s it say?”

“Like I told you, she just asked me to grab coffee with her.” She folded the letter before he could get a proper look at it, but Leo knew it had way too much text to just be that. 

“Liar.”

“Okay, okay.” Piper held up her hands defensively. “She really did just ask, but she might have done it with a poem.”

“Damn.” Leo raised his eyebrows. “You think she’s picked out engagement rings yet?”

“Shut up.”

“I will refer back to your comment about liking that I’m supportive and annoying again! You’ll never get me to shut my mouth now. Besides, I did promise to make you regret saying you missed me,” he teased her. “I have a reputation to uphold.”

Piper snorted. “Yeah, yeah. Shel’s picking me up in an hour. Are you sure you’ll be alright here on your own?” 

It was clear that she was reluctant to leave him, especially since her dad was at work. 

Truthfully, Leo wasn’t super thrilled about the thought of being alone, either. But it was clear that Piper wanted to do this, and that was more important than him not wanting to be alone for a few hours.

He could totally do this. He’d spent a pretty large chunk of his life alone. He had plenty of experience keeping himself busy.

“I’ve third-wheeled on enough of your dates for one lifetime, thanks,” Leo informed her, still grinning. “Besides, I should probably call my own girlfriend. That’ll be a lot less awkward without you being around to give me shit.”

Because contacting Calypso may have barely crossed his mind in the past few weeks due to him being both a garbage boyfriend and a garbage person just in general, but at least in theory, they were still dating.

Piper stuck her tongue out at him, and he just hoped his laugh wasn’t too obviously fake.

“For the record, though, this won’t be a date,” Piper said determinedly. “I’m not- I don’t think that would be fair to Shel. Not when I still have so much to figure out, and not when I’m still dealing with… you know.”

“For the record, I don’t think Jason would be the type to show up and haunt his ex during dates. If he does, let me know, because then I might have to unfriend him post-mortem.”

He knew Piper didn’t love when he made these kinds of jokes, but she never told him to stop. Humor had always been how he coped. Piper got that.

“Leo.” Piper groaned, exasperated. “Be serious for a second, yeah?”

“Oh, I’m super serious. Possessive ghost exes are a total friendship dealbreaker for me.” Leo nudged her again. “As the resident expert on constantly getting rejected, maybe don’t take my advice on this, but I don’t think there’s a timeline for these things. It’s okay if you find her cute. I think he’d want you to be happy. That’s the kind of awful sap he is.”

Leo realized he’d slipped into present tense again, but he didn’t have it in him to correct himself. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I do find her cute. I just don’t think I’m ready for a relationship at the moment.”

“That’s fair.” Leo shrugged. “If I don’t get to be best man at your wedding, I’ll be really pissed, though.”

Piper stepped on his foot, so he kicked her in the leg and a moment later, they were swatting each other with pillows like they were little kids. Piper was actually laughing. For the first time in weeks, she seemed genuinely excited about something. And Leo wanted her to be happy. He was glad at least one of them was.

~~~~

The door closing behind Piper was terrifying. Suddenly, Leo was truly alone with his thoughts for the first time since Jason had died. Even late at night, when his thoughts inevitably drifted in all kinds of awful directions, Piper was there. Even if she was asleep and all he could do was hear her breathing, that still helped. This? Being alone with his thoughts in a completely quiet room? 0/10 experience, would not recommend.

He didn’t give himself much time to think. He rummaged around in his tool belt and pulled out a golden drachma for an Iris Message—as upset as Leo was with all the gods right now, he supposed at least his dad had the decency to actually give him an allowance—then pulled out the device he’d been working on. It was a small cylinder, no larger than the palm of his hand, and it obediently folded out into a prism at the push of a button. You just needed to fill it with water, switch it on, and voilà: you got yourself a rainbow. It even had an inbuilt flashlight in case you needed to use it when the sun was out.

He tried to swallow his anxiety and flipped the drachma into the rainbow.

“Iris, goddess of the Rainbow, please accept my offering. Show me Calypso. Waystation, Indianapolis.”

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, the rainbow flickered and an image appeared—blurry at first, then slowly taking shape. Calypso was sitting at a desk by a window, brooding over some notebook that almost looked like…

Leo blinked.

“Huh, am just heroically saving you from your homework?”

Calypso’s head snapped up. Her eyes went wide as saucers. “Leo?” 

“I do recall that being my name, yes.” He grinned and waved. “Hi.”

He tried to remember how to talk to Calypso. The thing was, Leo wasn’t sure he’d ever actually known. Hell, even if he had, how exactly did you greet a girl you’d sort of ditched a few weeks ago and hadn’t called since?

Calypso didn’t look very amused. “Where are you? You were gone so long that- I was beginning to think you’d died!”

“Well, yeah, I did,” Leo said with a shrug. “That’s how I rescued you, remember?” 

It was easier to say that than to say anything else. To admit it really did feel like there was a part of him that had died and that he was never getting back. He didn’t want to have to actually talk about Jason—to tell the story again—especially not without Piper there. 

He realized his mistake a moment too late. Calypso’s eyes flared with anger.

“For the last time, you did not rescue me!” she snapped. “And do you think that’s funny? You disappear for weeks without a word, and that’s one of the first things you say to me? Do you have any idea how worried we were?”

Right. Joking back and forth with Piper had been so natural and easy that he’d briefly forgotten Calypso didn’t like it when he did that.

Okay, admittedly, Piper probably wouldn’t have appreciated that particular joke either. She would have crossed her arms and told him off. But they would have been okay, after.

He never felt like he and Calypso were okay, coming out of these arguments. Most of the time, he just felt like shit.

“Yeah, well, things happened. And it’s not my fault communications were down.” He didn’t look at the image in the rainbow.

“What is it?” Her voice softened a little. “What happened?”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Well that’s not exactly helpful,” she huffed. “Will you tell me when you’re coming back home, at least? Maybe we can talk then.”

Leo was pretty sure he visibly winced at the word ‘home’. He wasn’t sure what the Waystation was, but he’d only spent a few days there. It wasn’t a bad place, but it most definitely wasn’t home. Home had burnt down when he’d been eight years old. The only other home Leo had ever found was ashes scattered across the ruins of New Rome now. 

Leo pushed the thought away. He had to keep it together. 

“I… listen, I don’t know yet. I just need some time to… I don’t know. Process, I guess.” 

“Process whatever it is you’re refusing to tell me about.” Calypso crossed her arms. “Fine. But you are coming back?”

There was an edge to her voice now—that of someone who had been left behind a few too many times. Over the course of her life, every person who’d ever kept her company had eventually dipped and left her heartbroken, never sparing her another thought. 

And now Leo had done the exact same thing.

Wow, he was a terrible person.

“Obviously.”

He couldn’t stay here. He couldn’t continue bothering Piper when she clearly wanted to at least try to move on. And he had promised Calypso to try and stay somewhere with her—to live a normal life with her. Going back on that wasn’t fair to her. Not even when he was sure he was too broken to live that kind of life—too broken for anyone to ever properly put him back together. 

Staying here wasn’t fair on poor Festus, either. Leo knew his dragon friend didn’t like being folded up into suitcase form as much as he was, but Piper’s new home wasn’t exactly made for huge metal dragons. 

Leo tried to keep talking to Calypso. He really did. She lit up a little when he asked about school, and so they talked about that for a while. Calypso told him about classmates she got along with and how she liked marching band and Emmie tutoring her in the subjects she didn’t understand. 

Leo listened and tried to get past the fact that he just didn’t get it. He tried to grasp her excitement for a place that had at best been boring as hell and at worst been actual torture for him. 

“That sounds… I’m glad you’re happy.”

“I wish you were here. You’ve already missed several weeks of classes, but I think you’d like this school.”

Leo almost laughed. “I highly doubt that. They have yet to invent a school that can even contain me, never mind one that I actually like.” 

“If you’re still refusing to engage in any sort of actual conversation with me that even vaguely implies there is a future where you may be coming back,” Calypso said bitingly, “will you at least tell me where you are so we can all stop worrying so much?” Leo kept brushing past the answer to that question because he knew it would prompt more questions that he wasn’t ready to get into. “Did you manage to help Camp Jupiter?”

“I-” Leo’s throat closed up. Not enough, his brain supplied. I couldn’t save Jason, and I couldn’t protect his home, either. I’m not sure me going there made a difference at all. He couldn’t bring himself to say any of that. “Kind of. I’m with Piper right now.”

Calypso’s expression soured even further.

“You ditched me and let me think you were dead for weeks so you could hang out with your friends? Let me guess, Jason is there, too.”

Somewhere, there was a rational part of Leo’s brain that realized this did sound bad. If he had been listening to that rational part right now, he probably could have had a mature conversation about this with Calypso. They could have resolved this like reasonable people.

But at the mention of Jason’s name, he just shut down. He did not tell Calypso anything. He just hung up on her.

~~~~

Leo showered, so by the time Piper got home he didn’t look like he’d spent the past hour curled up in a corner, bawling his eyes out.

Piper wasn’t an idiot, though. She knew that something was up the second she stepped through the door to find Leo in the kitchen making burritos.

“You okay?”

“Just got hungry.” He shrugged, like he wasn’t in fact trying to cook out the feelings he hadn’t been able to get rid of with his tears. It hadn’t really worked—cooking couldn’t exactly fix relationship issues or the fact that his best friend was dead—but rolling up the ingredients in one of his handmade tortillas at least helped keep his hands busy, and he actually was a little hungry. “You can have one, if you didn’t already eat on your date. Ingredients are pick what you want,” he said, gesturing at the mess of bowls and the still sizzling pan of fried tofu, “but they’re all vegetarian.”

“You are my favorite person in the whole entire world, and also definitely trying to distract me,” Piper said, shaking her head, but she did move to fill up one of the still-warm tortillas with a ridiculous amount of black beans, lettuce and tofu, combined with not nearly enough salsa, as far as Leo was concerned. “And it wasn’t a date.”

“Mhm, sure. Did you guys-” Leo broke off in horror. He’d been watching Piper work, and sure, he’d been lovingly judging some of her completely unbalanced food combos in his head, but this he could no longer tolerate. “Pipes, what in the world are you doing? I’m unfriending you.” 

He set his own food down on his plate and moved to stand beside his best friend. Screw the date interrogation, for now he had to save Piper’s poor tortured burrito.

“I thought I just had to roll the tortilla. Did I put too much stuff on it and that’s why it doesn’t work?”

She’d been trying to roll the entire thing in a single direction, impressively managing to make her excessive amounts of filling spill out of three sides at once. 

“This is what I get for briefly forgetting you grew up a rich kid with a private chef,” Leo groaned, shaking his head in exaggerated disbelief. He gently shoved Piper away from the kitchen counter to do rescue breathing on her half-slaughtered dinner. “You can’t roll it like that, you absolute heathen. You need to tuck the sides in. Here, like this. That way you won’t end up with ingredients all the way down your shirt.”

He gently opened the tortilla back up, took a spoon to move the filling Piper hadn’t spilled to the middle and then rolled it properly, like his mom had shown him when he’d been five. He made a point of doing it way slower than necessary, like he actually expected Piper to memorize the steps and maybe take notes.

“Okay, okay, point taken.” Piper raised her hands. “But heathen is a hilarious insult considering we both have a Greek god for a parent.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a riot.” Leo grinned, neatly cutting the burrito down the middle and handing the plate back to Piper. Then, he started wiping down the counter. Kitchens were the only work spaces Leo had ever properly bothered to keep tidy. “Now that neither you nor your food are at immediate risk of death, tell me how things went with Shel. You engaged yet? For your sake, I hope she’s better at rolling burritos than you, because otherwise you’re both doomed.”

He made a show of looking at her hands like he was actually expecting to find a ring.

“Shut up.” Piper rolled her eyes, but she smiled. “It was pretty great, actually.”

“Hello? Details?” Leo waved his hands in circles for emphasis. “You don’t seriously think I’m letting you off the hook that easily, do you?”

Instead of moving towards the table like she should have, Piper flopped down on the small couch with her food, so Leo grabbed his plate and joined her there. He wasn’t complaining about dinner on the couch.

“I’m only telling you if you tell me what’s up with you first. Because, distraction or not, you won’t get rid of me that easily, either.” She nudged him gently, then stuffed her mouth with food like she was trying to emphasize she wouldn’t go first.

Her face melted into a completely content expression, and Leo immediately felt happier.

“That good, hm?” Piper made a humming noise of confirmation. “Then I think you owe it to me to tell me how your date was. I promise I’ll tell you what’s up with me after,” Leo said with a grin.

He knew he had to give her something or she would never talk, but he really wanted to hear about Piper’s day before he went and ruined the mood.

“Ugh. You’re the worst.” Piper sighed, letting herself fall against the sofa’s backrest dramatically. “Fine. But only because you’ll be completely unbearable otherwise.”

“You know me so well.”

Leo tried not to feel a sting at how great Piper’s day had been without him there. What he felt when she talked wasn’t the same painful sting he’d felt when it had been her and Jason dating, though Leo couldn’t quite explain why. Most of him didn’t mind this. Hell, most of him was happy for her.

But it certainly didn’t help the feeling that he wasn’t exactly needed here.

The not-date itself actually sounded pretty nice, as long as Leo managed to make all the useless voices in his head shut up.

Shel and Piper had grabbed coffee (which Leo couldn’t sympathize with) and just talked for ages. Shel was apparently on her school’s swimming team, did theatre in her free time and liked a lot of the same music and movies as Piper. She’d lived in Tahlequah her entire life. She’d also known she was a lesbian since she was eight years old.

At that point, Piper had apparently felt like she owed her some sort of heads up—both about the fact that she was still new to all this and about having recently lost a really close friend that she’d dated at some point and how that didn’t leave her with much headspace to figure out… everything else.

That seemed like a lot to share so early on, but Piper said Shel hadn’t minded. She’d just thanked her for being so honest, and told her she was there if Piper needed someone to talk everything through with.

“Which I obviously can’t, because well, if I told her a Roman Emperor came back to life and stabbed my ex, she’d definitely think I’ve lost it completely, but it’s a nice sentiment.”

“Yeah, I thought everything else was already a bit much, but ‘my mom is a Greek goddess, I can brainwash people and me and my friends saved the world last year’ really isn’t a conversation for a first date.”

Leo wasn’t sure how Piper could stand it. The thought of having to keep most of his life secret from a mortal parent and any new friends he made seemed impossible to him. Hell, even if he’d wanted to, Leo was pretty sure he’d inevitably slip up and make a joke about the time he almost got eaten by a giant killer shrimp, and that was if he didn’t anxiously catch himself on fire first.

“Anyway, she said it’s totally understandable that I need time, and if the worst she can get out of this is a friendship with a pretty girl, that’s still a win in her book. And she still insisted on paying, to welcome me here,” Piper told Leo fondly. “It was… I don’t know. She’s nice. I’ll probably end up at the same school as her, and she’s offered to show me around.”

“So, how soon can I expect a wedding invite?” Leo asked with a grin. “You’ll remember the best man thing, right?”

“Keep this up and you won't get an invite if I do actually get married one day,” she teased back, gently flicking him in the head. “Now, tell me what’s going on with you. You promised. Did your call with your girlfriend go okay?”

Leo winced, which was answer enough in his opinion, but he knew Piper would disagree with him on that one. He still didn’t want to have this conversation. He also really didn’t want to bring Piper down when she’d finally had a good day for the first time in ages.

But she was looking at him expectantly, and Leo knew that no matter how much he wanted to, he wouldn’t be able to get out of this one.

“It wasn’t great. Apparently, me being gone for so long had everyone pretty worried. Go figure,” he admitted, hoping he could avoid elaborating. He didn’t exactly want to dump all of his relationship issues on Piper, especially since there wasn’t anything she could do to fix them. He knew it was sort of necessary to keep talking, but he could barely get the words out. “And, uh. Because of that, I think it might be time for me to head back to the Waystation.”

It was something he’d been thinking about on and off since that IM with Frank and Hazel. And as much as the thought of going back made his stomach pool with dread, the call with Calypso had just sealed the deal. Once he’d managed to stop crying like a baby and his heart had quit throbbing out a painful rhythm of Jason, Jason, Jason until he couldn’t breathe, Leo had at least tried to figure out what he wanted to do now. He couldn’t keep staying with Piper, who was finally starting to be somewhat okay again. He couldn’t keep ignoring the fact that he’d just ditched Calypso for the world’s longest, most depressing sleepover.

If he wanted any chance to salvage that situation, and if he wanted to give Piper a chance to actually move on instead of continuously dragging her down with him when he didn’t want to move on the way she was trying to, then he had to go back to the Waystation.

The teasing smile slid off Piper’s face.

“Oh,” she said, her lip wobbling a little. “Do you really have to go?”

Leo felt almost relieved that Piper seemed sad, though he realized maybe that was a bit of a shitty reaction on his part. At least he hadn’t completely annoyed his way out of this friendship just yet.

“See, that’s why I refused to go first. Instant mood killer.” He tried for a half-smile. “But yeah, I should probably go back soon. I’ve kind of been neglecting my girlfriend a whole bunch—I haven’t seen her in over a month, which is pretty shitty of me. Besides, poor Festus deserves to be in a place where it’s easier for him to stretch his legs. You know he doesn’t like being in sleep cycle this much.”

Piper wrapped her arms around herself. “I guess that makes sense, but- do you have to leave right now?” 

Leo shrugged. “I mean, I don’t think another day or two will make a difference at this point. I’m going to get an earful once I get back either way.”

“Okay. Good. I know that you can’t stay here forever. But I need a few more days with you. I’m sure Festus will forgive you eventually.” Piper was obviously trying to sound like she was teasing him, but something pleading, almost desperate crept into her voice, which had Leo worried. 

“Yeah. Festus.” Leo cringed internally. He actually wasn’t all that worried about Festus staying mad at him—sure, he might pout for a bit and would probably complain most of the way back to the Waystation, but he was usually easily appeased with enough motor oil, Tabasco sauce and maybe an upgrade or two.

Leo was unfortunately pretty sure his relationship issues with Calypso would need fixing that was beyond the magical abilities of Tabasco sauce—though what would fix them, he had absolutely no idea.

Them having problems wasn’t exactly new, and hadn’t entirely been caused by him running off on her now—even if that admittedly hadn’t helped.

“So, are we doing the world’s longest goodbye movie marathon, or do you need me for anything specific?” Leo joked, trying to hide his relief at getting to stay for a few more days, consequences for his relationship with Calypso be damned. “I know you’ve been lucky to bask in my presence for so long, I’d be reluctant to let me go, too, but that sounded like you might have actual plans.”

Piper didn’t laugh. She didn’t even roll her eyes at him, which was a terrible sign. 

“If you really have to leave, there’s something I want to do first.” She reached out and took his hands with shaking fingers. “I- I’ve been thinking. About what Thalia said. And I want to find a way to properly say goodbye, too. But I don’t think I can do this without you.”

Leo felt like someone had punched him. He could basically feel the way all color drained from his face at Piper’s words.

“I- I don’t know if I can-” he stammered, fighting his instinct to immediately turn on his heels and run—out of this room and this house and preferably the entire state of Oklahoma.

Joking about it was one thing. Facing the reality of it—the fact that Jason was truly gone and he’d never get to see him or hug him or joke with him again—was an entirely different beast.

Leo wasn’t sure he was ready for that. He wasn’t sure he would ever be ready for that.

“You don’t have to say or do anything you don’t want to. I promise,” Piper told him, gently squeezing his hand. “I won’t force you to do anything you don’t feel ready for, okay? I just need you there. Please?”

Piper wasn’t charmspeaking him. Leo would have known if she was, and he knew that she’d never do that to him—not when it came to something as important as this. But she was looking at him with such wild desperation in her eyes that it was still impossible for him to say no.

It didn’t matter if this didn’t help him. Piper needed it. He’d left her for over six months. She was the one who’d actually been present when Jason had died.

The thought of that kept him up at night. He kept imagining Piper kneeling over Jason. Piper shaking Jason’s shoulders and screaming his name, hoping desperately for an answer she’d never receive. Piper clutching Jason’s body to her chest for the very last time. Piper wailing on that awful beach while Leo was a thousand miles away.

He hadn’t been there for her when she’d needed him the most. This was the least he could do to start making things up to her.

“Okay,” he said, reaching out to pull Piper into his arms. It was a mostly selfish act, really—if he hadn’t been holding onto something, Leo wasn’t sure how he would have kept himself from falling apart. “What do you want to do?”

“Jason wasn’t just a Roman demigod. Not since-” Piper broke off, but Leo caught her meaning anyway. Not since he met us. “He belonged to both camps. That was important to him. I think he should have a proper Camp Half-Blood funeral, too.”

———

Some more notes:

So, it’s been six months since I posted the first chapter of this fic and about fourteen months since I first started working on it, and I am delighted to announce that it’s finally done! I can therefore reliably promise both weekly updates and that this fic won’t be abandoned partway through! Hooray!

It still feels kind of dizzying whenever I think about this story actually being done considering how long it’s been my main writing project. I originally thought this whole fic was going to be done in like three chapters. It turns out what my brain wanted instead was a whole Leo Valdez novel. I cannot say that I, personally, am upset about this outcome.

Special shout-out to my friends who have listened to me ramble and rant about this fic for months LMAO

I poured a lot of love into this story and I hope you’ll have a good time with it! Comments obviously super, super appreciated. Thank you all for reading!

Tag list: @poppitron360 @bookIshpolythist @lilyfrey @lady-silkwing @intenebrisobscurat @manygeese @ann-rex

(If anyone wants to be added/removed from the tag list, let me know!)

[spoonatic]

reading the ‘autobiography of James T Kirk’ rn (AMAZING book love his characterization and how the authors use his ‘voice’ essentially very nice) and he describes his childhood as a lot of time spent in a idealistic sort of crafted environment on his family farm with his brother and how he always felt safe and loved it there and how his brother was always very logical and withdrawn and his mother left to do space work and his father was just cold and distant and anyways got me thinking abt how when Kirk went through all this shit (amazing book, have I mentioned that already? Here it is again.) so anyways all of this got me thinking that when Kirk went to space and went on his first 5 year mission he was probably naturally drawn to Spock’s coldness and harsh nature and it probably felt very homey and comfortable for him which is also why he navigates it so well and can read Spock so well and also and also and also and also erm getting my phd in devastating yaoi studies rn

[crazymecjc]

satisfied (serenity in order.)

[raviollies]

Sometimes being a girl is falling to your knees and eating glass because you thought about your OTP (they love each other so much that their happiness is just being close to one another)

[saotoru]

[pumpkinrootbeer]

ogfoofodoxx thinking about how the most defining character trait of haymitch is how protective he is. not in the sense it's the most obvious, but how all of his actions are fueled by this desire to protect. how hard he works at keeping katniss alive in the first games, him fighting to keep them from augmenting katniss's body, him yelling at plutarch to keep finnick from having to share his trauma, him being so involved in peeta's recovery and being the one to bring katniss home. him holding mayslee's hand as she died, fighting for plutarch to stay and rescue peeta, being the one to find katniss and finnick when johanna had an episode, begging coin to believe peeta's warning. it being heavily implied or either outright stated that he was one of the people who fought to protect effie.

makes me physically ill because no one does that for him. everyone who would of, died.

[wannaliveattheholidayinn]

silly little political show thinks it can hurt me?!?!

[bakuzen-xiv]

FFxivWrite2024 (Day 7): Morsel

Orion turned the corner towards the Ebony Stalls, avoiding any possible glances of nearby people by hiding behind his cloak. One hand slipped into his pocket to wrap around a piece of paper—a lengthy shopping list for all the delicacies he'd been craving.

It had been a long time since he'd found himself in Gridania, so he decided to jump on the opportunity to stock up on some local delicacies. Bland delicacies, some would argue. Others would leave out the second word entirely. But it was comfort food to him, and he knew how to prepare it in a way that was less offensive to the average palate.

More or less, anyway. Some Scions still weren't sold on his favorite fermented beans from the local Mun-Tuy Cellars.

His mind wandered to the subterranean network beyond the Cellars, down to the underground city that had gone largely lost to history. The city of Gelmorra. The underground city was hidden far underground, its infrastructure turned to ruins by centuries of merciless decay. And despite it all, it still connected to the living world through these cellars that had survived the test of time.

It was a connection he cherished, small as it was. Being a Duskwight, he was certain he shared an origin with Gelmorra's inhabitants from centuries past. It was all he knew about his origins—more he knew about his mother or father or even his place of birth.

There as a void where he yearned to see faces and names and memories, so if bland beans was the closest he could get to knowing his bloodline, he would take it.

Orion pulled his mask up and his hood down. Shrouded in dark garments, it was hard to make out any of his defining features. He wouldn’t be able to fool those who truly knew him. His gait, the way he swung his hands, the angle of his ears poking against the fabric of the cloak hiding him from head to toe–they were all undeniably him. But the people here did not know him as his friends did, so he weaved his way through the crowd with ease.

On a quiet day, he would be happy to visit the market as himself. He enjoyed talking to people, and their enthusiasm for his heroism was mostly tolerable. But today was not a quiet day, and he would not let himself be delayed by a gathering crowd.

Eyes still followed him, as was expected in such a get-up. Some vendors tracked his movement with a guarded tension, hands resting on their wares. It was a nauseating reminder of what could’ve been had Hydaelyn not chosen him. He’d be just another Duskwight, unable to enjoy Gridania’s atmosphere without the accusing glares of other locals.

It wasn’t a worrying fear anymore, not here and not now at least. If their suspicion of him ever escalated, he could always throw off his cloak and surprise them with the familiar face of the Hero of Eorzea, Savior of the Star.

Their eyes would widen in surprise right away. They’d apologise for their embarrassing conduct. Perhaps a few of them would not recognize him or his name, and someone would whisper to them that he may be a Duskwight, but he was one of the good ones.

The Hero of Eorzea, Savior of the Star would however stay anonymous, for the sake of his peace, and he turned his attention to the food stall in front of him. He nodded a quick greeting to the vendor before glancing around at the various Mun-Tuy products showcased on its shelves. That’s what he came all this way for, he thought, his mouth watering while he imagined all the dishes he could make with them.

“—Orion?”

He nearly whipped his head around, but instead he forced himself to make strong eye contact with a jar of beans.

“Oh, go on! I could do with a morsel of gossip–you’ve got to spill the beans for me!” 

“I swear, ran straight into him at the Bobbing Cork! He couldn’t resist me, not after I showed him my secret technique he couldn’t–”

Orion’s eyes widened. The last time he visited that inn was to help the damn Ixal build dirigibles, and that certainly didn’t include any lady’s secret techniques.

He realized with a start that the shopkeeper was staring right at him, from an angle that showed a bit more of his face than he was comfortable with. He glanced back, hoping it would be less suspicious than appearing to be shocked at the sight of Mun-Tuy products, but this only attracted more of his interest.

“Hey,” the man began carefully, yet a little too loudly for Orion’s comfort. “Aren’t you…”

Orion coughed loudly, more occupied with protecting his identity than his pride right now.

“I’ll take these beans!” he yelled, before the vendor could say anything else. With a loud slam, he shoved enough gil on the wooden table to keep the man from continuing his train of thought.

“Would you like–”

“Thank you!” He grabbed the beans and bolted.

That was yet another part of being a hero he still hadn’t gotten used to. Perhaps it would still take a while before he could return to those peaceful days he longed for.

[someonefantastic]

Absolutely losing my mind over Prue Halliwell. She conquers her fear of drowning—essentially conquering her fear of ending up like her mother, of meeting the same fate that she did—only for her greatest fear to then become someone killing her sisters. Meaning instead of her greatest fear being that she’ll wind up like her mother, it becomes that her sisters will end up like their mother

[guinevereslancelot]

my supervisor felt the psychic vibes of me searching for other jobs on my lunch break so he pulled me aside for a meeting about how i'm not good enough at my job <3

[grandapplewit]

I know I’m a tragedy enjoyer, but this is getting ridiculous. My favorite mdzs ships are:

The main characters parents and his love interests uncle, who had a falling out and one party died before they could make up

The narrative foil antagonist and the man he murdered

[the-dragogirl]

Loved the vid so much... and ooohh spoilerr!!! but the little bit at the end was cool, I always eat up oc lore...... but.... the last line killed me and stayed in my head for the entire day, and I really can not hold it in anymore...

" I know what you are. "

thumbnail art for the Preservatory

[graham--folger]

it's a great day to love my ocs. it's also a great day to inflict just. so much pain and suffering on them

[deservingporcupine]

*whiny voice* but maaaaa, i don’t WANNA be in a video game fandom

[chiligerlofe]

Nils what the heck 😫

According to my calculations (2nd grade math), Cody and Obi-Wan are both physically 50 years old in 7 BBY. This is making me feel something

[undyingdecay]

thunderbolts bob is a cutie patootie and we all love him but my body and soul yearn for pre!thunderbolts bob. like, give me that meth addicted, minimum waged loser of a man right now

(tw: do not romanticize this shit, sex while under the influence)

a relationship with pre-thunderbolts bob would be awful. i don’t think people really sit with that long enough when they fantasize about it. it wouldn’t be ‘damaged boy needs love’ it would be ugly, it would be sharp-edged and heavy and uncomfortable in your chest all the time. it’d hurt you, and you’d hurt him, and somewhere along the way neither of you would know who started it, because it was always gonna end like this anyway.

there’d be nights you’d have to physically shake him awake. not in some cute oh babe you overslept, time for work kind of way, but in that panicked, stomach-twisting way where you’re not sure if he’s breathing right. sometimes he’d wake up swinging, teeth bared and pupils blown so wide they ate up whatever color used to be in his eyes. sometimes he wouldn’t wake up at all, not really — just mumble something about a guy named rick or i swear i paid him, i did and then roll over, leaving you sitting there in the dark, staring at the ceiling, counting how long his breath stuttered between inhales.

and you’d stay. like a goddamn idiot, you’d stay.

you’d clean him up when he came home reeking of chemical sweat and bar bathroom mildew, eyes too shiny, jaw working like he was chewing something invisible. you learned real quick how to tell when it was a good high and when it was the kind where his skin itched too much for him to sit still, pacing holes in the floor, muttering to himself about things you couldn’t see.

and when he got mean — because he always did, sooner or later — you told yourself it wasn’t really him. you told yourself it was the pipe, it was the lack of sleep, it was the impossible weight of existing with a head like his. even when his voice got sharp, slicing clean through you like it was nothing, even when he knocked over a chair or punched the drywall so close to your head you felt the plaster dust in your hair. you still reached for him.

“it’s okay, baby. i’m here. it’s alright.”

he hated it. hated the way you tried to soothe him, hated the way you wouldn’t leave like everyone else did. made him feel small, made him feel weak. you could see it twist in his face, that war between craving your touch and wanting to shove you away so hard you never came back.

and he’d disappear. because of course he would.

for days sometimes. no calls, no texts, not even that half-lucid voicemail he usually left at 3 a.m. the ones where he sounded like he was underwater, like he was already halfway to dead. there were nights you sat at the kitchen table with your phone in your lap, screen dim, thinking about filing a missing person’s report. you never did. because he always came back.

a little more broken than before. a little more frayed around the edges. sometimes limping, sometimes bleeding. once with a bandage on his neck he refused to talk about.

and every goddamn time, you let him crawl into your arms like nothing happened.

maybe you told yourself it was about love. maybe you told yourself it was loyalty. but deep down, it was survival. because no one else knew how to handle him when he was like this. no one else could get him to lie still long enough to remember he was human.

the worst, lowest, filthiest part was the way he’d fuck you after.

not hard. not rough. not some tender, making-up-for-it kind of thing either. he wouldn’t even move half the time. just be inside you, soft sounds shaking loose from his throat like it hurt to talk, lips pressed to your neck or your chest, sometimes just mouthing there like he could crawl inside you and stay.

“‘m sorry for yellin’,” he’d mumble. voice small. a little slurred. “‘m sorry, baby. promise i won’t leave again.”

liar. but you’d forgive him anyway. because in those moments, with his cum leaking out of you, with his heartbeat stuttering against your ribs, you could almost believe it too.

and then he’d be gone again.

because that’s who pre-thunderbolts bob was. a thousand contradictions in a body that barely held itself together. a ghost you kept chasing even when you knew he was dragging you down with him.

and you wouldn’t leave.

you never would.