#it makes me want to chew on drywall and all that
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introspectivememories · 2 months ago
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sorry but do you ever think about the fact that the bernard we have today is a direct amalgamation of everything that happened in his past and i know that sound like such an obvious statement to say but it actually kills me to know that you can draw a direct line from who he is today all the way back to that sixteen year old boy who watched his best friend bleed out. like it is the defining moment in his life. it fundamentally shaped who he is and the person he's become. he is the bernard we know and love not despite the grieves shooting but because of it. because the gangs all got together and shot up his school. because tim walked out of that room with nothing but a baseball bat. because his darla got shot. because he watched her gasp and cry as she died. because he watched the blood coagulate around the wound. because he sat there and held her hand as her life drained out of her. because he walked into school that day with a joke he knew would make her laugh and her nose would scrunch up and she'd snort a little and tim would roll his eyes at him and call him ridiculous and instead he walked out with a bloody white shirt, blood under his fingernails, and two friends less. because, even now, almost half a decade out from the shooting, he thinks that if he closes his eyes, he will always be that stupid, scared little sixteen year old, holding the cooling body of dead best friend.
#there is a direct throughline from the boy we meet in robin 121 all the way to man tim reconnects with in urban legends 4#like maybe you guys have other interpretations of it but to me this is *the* defining moment in his life#and that's not to say that he perpetually bound to this traumatic event but it impacted him sooo much that his life is now divided#before shooting and after shooting#like you cannot tell me him falling into the cult was just something that happened to him#it happened bc he was in such a bad place from watching his friend die and then on top of that he loses contact with tim!!!!#this is his canon event!!!!#if you took it away from him if you made it so that he never had to go through it#the bernard we would get would not be the same bernard we got in urb leg4 and tdr#does it not make you want to chew on drywall that to get to the bear we love he has watch his darla die first????#head in hands head in hands#and it wasnt like batman came immediately after darls died!!! iirc they had to wait a little before he came#which means!!!!! alll those kids but bear esp had to sit in that room with darls' dead body until batman came!!!!!#do you think he cried and held her hand until batman came??? do you think he begged her not to go??? or do you think he told her#stories and made promises of all the things they were gonna do after they got out??? do you think he put pressure on the wound and#watched as the blood soaked through the jacket they were using as a towel??? and when she finally passed do you think he bit his lip#clean through to stop himself from wailing? bc if he's too loud the gunmen will hear them and he cannot be the reason jay from#history dies#auuuugh i cant fucking do this anymore#bernard dowd#timbern#darla aquista#louis grieve trio
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agentwashingcat · 1 year ago
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The thing about Gale's hubris that gets me is that not all of it comes from wanting power for powers sake. I mean, yes, that's some of it of course, have you seen the wizards, they all suffer from delusions of grandeur in this game occasionally but like
Imagine you're Gale. You're in a relationship with the literal goddess of magic (who's also been teaching you magic since you were like 10 or something don't be weird it's totally fine) and you know. You know she's only interested because you're a wizard, and a damn powerful one at that. Wouldn't you also want to amass all the power you could, to keep your status?
And then when you run out of things to learn in Faerun well, there's always the magic of the gods. But they don't want you to learn that. Indeed, when you bring it up to Mystra, she just pats your head and tells you to be satisfied with what you have. Most mortals don't even get this much, why can't you be happy?
It's not like your time might be running short. It's not like there might be some new up and coming prodigy to catch Mystra's eye, and then where does that leave you? Alone with your broken heart and nothing to show for it.
So of course he's going to do what he can to maintain that status. Most people would. And hey, becoming a god would be a pretty cool side effect. It's not like it's that far outside the realm of possibility for mortals to ascend to godhood in Faerun. Even the current Mystra was once a mortal woman.
It just makes me feral that underneath the 5 layers of hubris is a core of insecurity that he's only wanted for what he can do and not who he is. But if he is only wanted for what he can do, he's gonna make sure he's damn fucking good at it.
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crazymecjc · 4 months ago
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satisfied (serenity in order.)
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saotoru · 7 months ago
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pumpkinrootbeer · 10 months ago
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ogfoofodoxx thinking about how the most defining character trait of haymitch is how protective he is. not in the sense it's the most obvious, but how all of his actions are fueled by this desire to protect. how hard he works at keeping katniss alive in the first games, him fighting to keep them from augmenting katniss's body, him yelling at plutarch to keep finnick from having to share his trauma, him being so involved in peeta's recovery and being the one to bring katniss home. him holding mayslee's hand as she died, fighting for plutarch to stay and rescue peeta, being the one to find katniss and finnick when johanna had an episode, begging coin to believe peeta's warning. it being heavily implied or either outright stated that he was one of the people who fought to protect effie.
makes me physically ill because no one does that for him. everyone who would of, died.
#DIES EXPLODES COMBUSTS#thg#haymitch abernathy#:v#haymitch acting like he doesn't care about anyone when he actually cares about everyone#he's acting like he's winning the idgaf war but love has disarmed him completely.#Tbc katniss and peeta would but they are literally incapable of being that for him. bc they are infant#also thinking about how we get this sense that while he has some modicum of power with the revolution his sway only goes so far#which is to say not far at all#the times we actually see what the negotiating process is like for him he has to beg coin to listen to him#and he says Plutarch didn't listen to him between cf and mockingjay when he tried to get them to stay for peeta#I just get this sense that most of the time he's in the room but isn't really allowed to make decisions#and constantly has to fight to be heard#I mean again I will always circle back to this they literally locked him in a room to detox#and the descriptions we get in cf is his withdrawal symptoms are incredibly severe#so clearly they weren't dependent on his imput#idk idk I just get this sense they valued his input up until the point he reminded them all he still views people as people.#him coaching katniss was to say in mockingjay during her speech in two also makes me chew drywall#how much of that is what he thought she needed to say to stay alive and how much is what he had always wanted to say#also thinking about how he wasn't lying when he told Plutarch he couldn't go back to twelve sober.#bc he gets katniss home and then immediately gets blackout drunk#I am of the opinion that he genuinely can't get sober while living in 12#I like to think he lets himself leave eventually never to the capitol of course but in my hc he goes to 11#just bc of his fondness for chaff and seeder but that's just a self indulgent headcanon#ALSO ALSO.#thinking about how he's fighting a revolution that he doesn't even believe will bring chance#well. he thinks it'll change things but that change will be temporary and fighting will break out again#my perfect pessimist idiot. in my heart of hearts he gets a therapist moves and actually recovers
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arieava · 1 year ago
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crazy stuff
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raviollies · 11 months ago
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Sometimes being a girl is falling to your knees and eating glass because you thought about your OTP (they love each other so much that their happiness is just being close to one another)
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wannaliveattheholidayinn · 1 year ago
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silly little political show thinks it can hurt me?!?!
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bakuzen-xiv · 2 months ago
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FFxivWrite2024 (Day 7): Morsel
Orion turned the corner towards the Ebony Stalls, avoiding any possible glances of nearby people by hiding behind his cloak. One hand slipped into his pocket to wrap around a piece of paper—a lengthy shopping list for all the delicacies he'd been craving.
It had been a long time since he'd found himself in Gridania, so he decided to jump on the opportunity to stock up on some local delicacies. Bland delicacies, some would argue. Others would leave out the second word entirely. But it was comfort food to him, and he knew how to prepare it in a way that was less offensive to the average palate.
More or less, anyway. Some Scions still weren't sold on his favorite fermented beans from the local Mun-Tuy Cellars.
His mind wandered to the subterranean network beyond the Cellars, down to the underground city that had gone largely lost to history. The city of Gelmorra. The underground city was hidden far underground, its infrastructure turned to ruins by centuries of merciless decay. And despite it all, it still connected to the living world through these cellars that had survived the test of time.
It was a connection he cherished, small as it was. Being a Duskwight, he was certain he shared an origin with Gelmorra's inhabitants from centuries past. It was all he knew about his origins—more he knew about his mother or father or even his place of birth.
There as a void where he yearned to see faces and names and memories, so if bland beans was the closest he could get to knowing his bloodline, he would take it.
Orion pulled his mask up and his hood down. Shrouded in dark garments, it was hard to make out any of his defining features. He wouldn’t be able to fool those who truly knew him. His gait, the way he swung his hands, the angle of his ears poking against the fabric of the cloak hiding him from head to toe–they were all undeniably him. But the people here did not know him as his friends did, so he weaved his way through the crowd with ease.
On a quiet day, he would be happy to visit the market as himself. He enjoyed talking to people, and their enthusiasm for his heroism was mostly tolerable. But today was not a quiet day, and he would not let himself be delayed by a gathering crowd.
Eyes still followed him, as was expected in such a get-up. Some vendors tracked his movement with a guarded tension, hands resting on their wares. It was a nauseating reminder of what could’ve been had Hydaelyn not chosen him. He’d be just another Duskwight, unable to enjoy Gridania’s atmosphere without the accusing glares of other locals.
It wasn’t a worrying fear anymore, not here and not now at least. If their suspicion of him ever escalated, he could always throw off his cloak and surprise them with the familiar face of the Hero of Eorzea, Savior of the Star.
Their eyes would widen in surprise right away. They’d apologise for their embarrassing conduct. Perhaps a few of them would not recognize him or his name, and someone would whisper to them that he may be a Duskwight, but he was one of the good ones.
The Hero of Eorzea, Savior of the Star would however stay anonymous, for the sake of his peace, and he turned his attention to the food stall in front of him. He nodded a quick greeting to the vendor before glancing around at the various Mun-Tuy products showcased on its shelves. That’s what he came all this way for, he thought, his mouth watering while he imagined all the dishes he could make with them.
“—Orion?”
He nearly whipped his head around, but instead he forced himself to make strong eye contact with a jar of beans.
“Oh, go on! I could do with a morsel of gossip–you’ve got to spill the beans for me!” 
“I swear, ran straight into him at the Bobbing Cork! He couldn’t resist me, not after I showed him my secret technique he couldn’t–”
Orion’s eyes widened. The last time he visited that inn was to help the damn Ixal build dirigibles, and that certainly didn’t include any lady’s secret techniques.
He realized with a start that the shopkeeper was staring right at him, from an angle that showed a bit more of his face than he was comfortable with. He glanced back, hoping it would be less suspicious than appearing to be shocked at the sight of Mun-Tuy products, but this only attracted more of his interest.
“Hey,” the man began carefully, yet a little too loudly for Orion’s comfort. “Aren’t you…”
Orion coughed loudly, more occupied with protecting his identity than his pride right now.
“I’ll take these beans!” he yelled, before the vendor could say anything else. With a loud slam, he shoved enough gil on the wooden table to keep the man from continuing his train of thought.
“Would you like–”
“Thank you!” He grabbed the beans and bolted.
That was yet another part of being a hero he still hadn’t gotten used to. Perhaps it would still take a while before he could return to those peaceful days he longed for.
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someonefantastic · 2 months ago
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Absolutely losing my mind over Prue Halliwell. She conquers her fear of drowning—essentially conquering her fear of ending up like her mother, of meeting the same fate that she did—only for her greatest fear to then become someone killing her sisters. Meaning instead of her greatest fear being that she’ll wind up like her mother, it becomes that her sisters will end up like their mother
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guinevereslancelot · 1 year ago
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my supervisor felt the psychic vibes of me searching for other jobs on my lunch break so he pulled me aside for a meeting about how i'm not good enough at my job <3
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grandapplewit · 11 months ago
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I know I’m a tragedy enjoyer, but this is getting ridiculous. My favorite mdzs ships are:
The main characters parents and his love interests uncle, who had a falling out and one party died before they could make up
The narrative foil antagonist and the man he murdered
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amplexadversary · 1 year ago
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.
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the-gayest-sky-kid · 1 year ago
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Hihi!! Back to check on your normalcy! There is no knife in my hand! And no guillotine speaker behind me this time!! (<- visibly holding knife in hand)
oh okay :) im very normal and sane
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alongtidesoflight · 2 years ago
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see, bigger picture is i'm not uncomfortable with people sexualising my ocs, you do you i guess, if a painting is particularly raunchy you're invited to even.
but there's this weird trend i've noticed, especially with female characters, where the picture can be honest to god as innocent as can be and it doesn't matter. once it's breached containment there's some unhinged fucking comments on them and i will never appreciate it unless you're a regular around here.
and on the opposite end of that i can upload a painting of two guys just about going at it here and there's guaranteed to be some infantilising bullshit comment on it. especially when there's trans men involved.
tl;dr the ability to read the room is something that's lacking on this webbed site, there's a time and place for CRUSH ME SLUTTY GOTH MOMMY and it's not this one. there's nsfw and/or racy paintings of characters out there and you're invited to go all off on them if you happen to know where to find them as long as you're not being weird about characters being gay or trans.
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