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autisticaradiamegido · 6 months

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day 99

i have NEARLY finished the skirt for my ren faire fit i just gotta get a few finishing details added and also get the undershirt bleached (bc i got a bunch of makeup on it at last years fair and shit Stained) but THEN i can show yall the final fit!!

#day 99 #year 5 #aradia megido #homestuck #its gonna be cute #i was so fucking stressed abt this one because like.#i bought my fabric and i was like oh yeah dude this is toooootally more than enough for a circle skirt #went to finally cut things #realized i only had enough for a half-circle skirt and it would end up with a bunch of weirdly-shaped scrap at the end #(ie i would have to do a bunch of weird piecing to make the waistband and pockets and such)#and like honestly a half-circle skirt was NOT enough volume for me i need my skirts swooshy #so i was like well. okay. i think i can optimize my fabric usage more if i draft a paneled skirt #but this of course required..... Math.#and unfortunately. i was an art major. so. there was a lot of struggling #BUT I DID IT. THERE WAS STILL A LIIIIITTLE BIT OF PIECING THAT HAD TO BE DONE BUT IT IS MINIMAL AND CAMOUFLAGED PRETTY WELL #and also this is for a ren faire primarily bc i dont wear a lot of skirts in day-to-day #SO. economical fabric usage is absolutely period accurate. even though none of the rest of my outfit or techniques are.#basically all thats left for me to do is add pockets and the closure at the back #i meant to add the pockets as i was doing the main construction but i got too excited and forgor #so theres gonna be some seam ripping but nothing too bad

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popponn · 8 months

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there is something about how when anime official art gets yoichi right fashion wise it's always a comfy bf look like look at him

very fluffy. very huggable. i want to poke and pinch his cheeks. also he often has those lil blushies when he eats and for some reason it's cute. the gap moe between on field and off field is still something else to see each time i remember it. i love it ofc 💚 but it's still something else

#his nickname is egoist. he gets heated and shittalks regularly #deadass say 100% k word kaiser in a panel that is pretty wild. also get d threats regularly (rin barou im not even gonna try to list em)#friendly reminder that i love him even when i do not post about him #comfort character that literally make me look at him when im stressed and just sigh come on lets go #kind of like a bit pavlovian if i wanna bully myself about it. but honestly he is just #but honestly seeing him work hard and being passionate makes me admire him in the “i wish i am like you” all while going #“uwah” in the way that i very much realize i can't never be him and that very fact make him even more admireable to me #everyone has their own pathway and process. and his story is honestly something that makes me soft #hardworking people are something else. always a sight to watch and it's beautiful #okay wow im yapping but it's yoichi what's new. hopefully i can write something for u this valentine babe #babblings

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lieutenantselnia · 5 months

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I'm so exhausted but here's a recent doodle of my pookie <3

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red-dyed-sarumane · 8 months

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i need people to start paying me for every time they tell me "oh but ur arts so good ur wasting ur talent u need to do it professionally" wrong i need to do art to draw beautiful characters that not a single other person cares about while feeding every ounce of love i have into my work or to convey thoughts & feelings beyond words and to even think of doing otherwise is to deny my own nature "oh but u can do what u want and then sell it" why is everything about money to you why cant u just enjoy things at what point in ur life did u forget how to have fun

#i hate that this stance is also seen as childish #like i have a full time job & often have mandatory overtime i have income already #if u need to to make ends meet then thats different do what u can to help urself live as comfortably as possible #but holy fuck pleasure as an adult is not limited to sex & money & watching tv #besides u know not a single one of the people who say this are willing to actually pay what the arts worth #its like 'well not me but other people would love it!' yeah okay u know a lot of other people are going to see the #over $100 price tag and go 'i like it but not that much! other people however' like just shut up. honestly. be quiet.#if i speed ran my art and low balled myself to a $15/hour rate the lowest would still be like $120 #which is not worth it AT ALL bc i just paid MORE to sit on my ass & look at eggs #and. again. is underselling myself for both experience & time. but people think $80 full body comms are too expensive #do u think im so stupid to not expect to get scammed when even 'easy' things are over $100 #but no ur right why would i have fun with something when i could instead cause myself infinite stress over it perfect thanks #do not give me advice about doing comms i do not want to do comms #if u see me doing comms im in a very dire situation. like thats a last resort for me.

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catkin-morgs-kookaburralover · 1 year

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friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that #will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT.#anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure.#and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo #$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive #and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started #anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean #and i am just so sad right now #and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun #not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course #i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as #breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage #i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard #i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade #and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone.#i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that #:((#honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug.#im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything

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my-thoughts-and-junk · 1 month

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thinking about fallout 4 against my will

#random thoughts #fallout #unfortunately nora compels me #the fact the 'hi honey!' tape specifically mentions her 'shaking the dust off' her law degree is interesting #like she gave up her job to stay at home with her husband and kid. why?#like that's a whole year. at LEAST.#love the idea of nate pressuring her into it <3 maternity leave turns into 'isnt it so nice being with sean around the clock?'#'too bad you won't have this quality time when you return to work'#turns into 'you can always return to work if you feel like it but we DO have a lot saved up . . .'#and it's like. okay so fallout 4 would be so much better if it were set in the 1960s. literally no reason it shouldnt be #yknow beyond complying with lore which. it isnt that faithful to in the first place #i just think it's weird the game is like 'here's the FUTURE' and then it's like 'here's the FUTURE FUTURE'#anyway make it the 1960s. give me time-appropriate fucked up family dynamics #and nora's a laywer and a feminist who promised herself she'd never compromise her career for a man #and nate seemed so NICE and like he understood until uh oh. frog in a slow cooker #and he makes everything seem like it's her idea until she's barefoot in the kitchen with a screaming baby on her hip and burnt food in a pan #and she doesn't even realize she's trapped until it's too late. isolated from friends and family #idk ill do more research later to make it more time-accurate (ESPECIALLY interested in second-wave feminism)#anyway i think she cheats. with a door-to-door salesman selling places in the bomb shelters #(honestly probably the only adult social interaction she's had in weeks beyond her husband)#i like to think at some point she had a bit of a car accident due to the stress so nate took her keys #probably just a minor fender bender he blew out of proportion but she believes it because oh god what if she hurt sean #her feelings toward sean are complicated. i dont think she quite loves him which she feels guilty about so she overcompensates #with trying to keep him as safe as possible and she feels like he KNOWS and HATES her #(honestly when the bombs drop everything happens so quickly and when she's in the future and registers sean's gone she feels. so relieved)#(followed by heavy shame)#nate sabotaged her birth control btw. love evil 1960s patriarchs #never outright stated but heavily implied!#anyway nora in the future (while she felt very progressive for her time) feels very out of place #like her ideals have no place. like she has no place

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pastafossa · 2 years

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Some sad health stuff about a pet so scroll on if not your thing.

So my poor old kitty Cato. I don't post as many current pics of him cause he's not looking great. He's lost a ton of weight in the past year or so, upset stomach, fairly skin and bones now. Vet put him on prescription food and an elimination diet 5 weeks ago. And while he's stopped losing weight, and stopped vomiting so much, he's still not gaining his weight back, either. I'm technically feeding him more than the bag recommends, too. He's getting fed four times a day, almost an entire cup of food total which is HUGE when - even at a healthy weight of 9 pounds - you were a small animal.

I'm worried there's something wrong at a deeper level. He should be gaining weight back, and he's not. He's always, always hungry. He's sore if touched around his back half unless you pet him very gently. And you can feel all his little spine notches when you pet him.

I have had this cat for 13, almost 14 years. I realize that might not seem like a lot depending on age. But at mine that's a very large chunk of my life. And the idea of having to weigh what his quality of life is of this cat I've raised from a kitten, who has curled up with me by my pillow every night until fairly recently, who always follows me and sings to me and bonks his head on my face... this feels way too soon.

#tw: discussings of aging pets #tw: discussions of pet death #i'm honestly not sure he'll last a year #the fact that I'm feeding him this much and all it's done is stabilize him... is not a good sign #and the vet stresses him out SO much #so i also have to weigh #'do i take him in for more tests and exams even though that stress might make him worse #or do i just do most via call and just... try desperately to slow things while keeping him comfortable'#idk man #this weekend with him has not been encouraging #he's sleeping less with me now and i tell myself it's because he has his electric cat bed #but this is a cat who's slept next to me every night he could for over ten years #starting the very first night when he curled up under my chin #i honestly don't know what to do #i love my old kitty and i was hoping he'd be one of Those Cats that lived a very long time #but i'm starting to think i'm out of luck

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disdaidal · 11 months

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So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

#personal #last week i cried twice after a workday #and my nurse also mentioned today that i still have a learning disability which will definitely make things harder for me #but also that there's nothing that can be done about it so... great #so i mentioned this to my teacher and she wrote it down but #basically there are only two choices for me now #either i pass this training somehow and plan my displays at my current workplace so well that i never have to do this again #or i will only complete my training for this period and then find another workplace and do my displays there #i can't postpone them much later apparently or so i understood. so they are not giving a lot of choices there really #and we did talk about me considering another school as well #where i can spend more time in the classroom actually learning things and less time working and trying to study at the same time #because this clearly isn't working for me. i can't do two things at the same time. not well at least. and i want to do well #but i tried applying for that kind of school in this field last summer. i didn't get in & i was 8th in line #i would've gotten in working with kids instead. but that school was further away and i probably would've found it even more stressful #than what i'm doing now #so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly #like i like what i'm doing but i also really hate what i'm doing because this also requires stuff from me that i am simply not good at #and i'd have to put extra energy into it but i don't have much energy in me right now tbh #ugh

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theflyingfeeling · 11 months

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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨

#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing #but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY #like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece #when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos #that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters #and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts #i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway #and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out #i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets #and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt #and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself #if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out #but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee #if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday

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seadhna24 · 1 year

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there’s a lot of coruscant guard fics where it’s nothing but angst and sadness, especially fox fics and i love those, but i really wanna see healing fics.

i want fics where palpatine gets found out and the guard struggles to adjust to normal life. how they struggle to reconnect with their gar brothers who have no clue to what they’ve been through. how both sides are awkward with each other because they’ve spent so long apart that they don’t know how to act with each other. because one side thought the other was safe and don’t know how to cope with the fact that they weren’t, while the other side felt helpless as their brothers fought and died for a republic that didn’t care about them.

i want them to slowly learn how to be brothers again. how they slowly learn to get past their differences as they weep into each other’s arms, the trust that had been lost in the beginning coming back stronger than ever. how they stand firm next to each other in support as they fight for their rights and for peaceful lives.

how when they finally get their rights, they smile and cheer and laugh and cry because they won. they won the war and their rights and they won back the trust and familiarity that had been lost between them. because now they’re brothers again and they would be damned if they let anything break them apart again.

#i fucking live for hurt/comfort #so to see so many corrie guard fics that don’t have a happy ending make me :((((#especially if the fic focuses on the relationship between the guard and the gar #because while i think the gar would be ignorant to the guard’s suffering #i don’t think they’ll be malicious either #because they’re fighting on the front lines and losing brothers every day so they truly believe the guard has it easy #and i believe the corries don’t try to tell them any different #because they don’t want to stress out their brothers even more #and besides what they’ve been through doesn’t compare to being on a battlefield #so what right do they have to complain?#i honestly could write a whole essay/fic on the relationship between the gar and guard #coruscant guard #tcw #star wars

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mikeylivesattheend · 3 days

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That moment when Fiddleford has the personality nice & southern 😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️😶‍🌫️

#my post #srsly so many fics #like the man is a good guy sure #but he does NOT have his shit together like ever #he was scared of the portal BEFORE the incident #man left his wife & child for one dude #then procedeed to derail his own life & his sons life #idk #hot take i love fiddlestan art #but neither of those dudes would be able to function properly in a room together #esp post portal immediately after #boty dudes are severely stressed and took vastly different ways of coping #maybe itd pan out in a harmonious way #but like fiddleford would be too paralyzed by fear to even help stan turn it on #hed deadass wipe his memory or his own #stan would Not Trust the dude and even tho hes a good guy and more emotionally intelligent than ford #im not sure hed be able to discern what fiddlefords deal was w/out context #and making fiddleford more sane in these fics is the solution #which kind of leads to him being blander idk #i rlly hope no one takes this too seriously #im gonna keep reading fiddlestan til i find a fic that clicks with me #so like obviously im ignoring my own issues with this trope by engaging with this media at all #honestly in mg heart of hearts i think fiddleford deserves the self confidence to return to his old life & ambitions #let the man be a bisexual father in peace

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grapecaseschoices · 1 month

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i don't know if i am satisfied. but i am tired.

#it is the brows.#the brows arent curved enough and makes them look sad #i feel like i could adjusted the nose more but im Done #dai: kendis adaar #lmao will i keep them? who knows. maybe not #but i feellke i should give them a try after all this stress #honestly here for the eye scar and the halla horns #i do like the lipsick tho #i wanted a skin tone that was more brown but i decided to lean into the naturish vibes that i was feeling with the horns #these brows are so upsetting to me #ima change them even if what i pick end up not fitting any of kendis' fcs

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mdddante · 1 month

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SO UHHH IA GANG.... HOW WE FEELING ABOUT THIS

#homohollers #item asylum #10 hour burst man #dude 10hbm lore drop was not what i expected but #IM GONNA MAKE SO MUCH FUCKING ANGST OUT OF MY THEORIES FROM THIS.#i saw a comment in the description of the song saying this might be alluding to when you bird up in 10hbm??#i noticed some similar instruments from too many trumpets in the song too #they also pointed out that both the apocalypse bird and 10hbm live in a dark forest #and they both wield the twilight and its peace for all #im noticing some slight similarities to another leaked song i cant talk about #this definitely sounds like a 10 hour burst man stress theme though #it sounds sad but also panicked #as if hes having a breakdown in the form of a song #the melodies also sound slightly distorted and choppy #adding to the idea of this being a stressful song #apparently the original name of the song is also “sounds of the painted sword”#a painted sword/clayman p run song converted into 10 hour burst man??#thats certainly scary #the fact that the video is also filtered with red adds to the idea of a clayman connection here #this is honestly a pretty funny idea of there being a 10hbm/clayman song with painted sword connections because #i once. clutched a public server 10hbm round with painted sword. when he still had like 2000-1000 hp #i love LOVE 10 hour burst man more than any of the other bosses #and i love aden mayos music even more #i will forever be making theories about her music #im pretty sure now i have good reason to believe that new jgns bosses and possibly even updates to old bosses are coming in the next update #ive never been more excited #oh also something else #this gave me a new headcanon for 10hbm #he cant. speak very well. so he speaks slowly and slightly broken #the 10hbm activation voiceline also sounds very crunchy

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klbzplb · 10 months

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honestly still the biggest personal tragedy of session 5 is that when grian joined gem in the tower building. in gems episode, there were almost a solid 10 minutes of just that. them hanging out, calm, peaceful, no danger, away from people that could hurt them . and guess what ? grian left LESS THAN 3 MINUTES OF THAT IN HIS EPISODE dbjksffejw

#rant in tags #gems episode straight up got me to start drawing the most complicated fanart in a year or so just of that scene #and grian just. cut most of it out #(gem probably did too. but come on g. only 3??)#i think i know what im feeling. i called it in a yt comment on session 2 or so #im clinging to the last remains of peace and happiness we get #i watched every pov and i think this episode grian's is my favourite (even if he cut out most of my fav scene overall)#he almost died' rigged a charity' loved bdubs and built a tower. it was nice #he barely interacted with the reds (love them too but). he was just hanging out. the cleo&etho&grian & i guess bdubs team is my fav #literally not a single spec of danger in that house. all positivity (thanks etho for starting the 'we love bdubs' day too bdw)#even martyns single trap got disarmed immediately #i was hoping for an grian & cleo team because of the potential for chaos but i think i love this more at least for now #ive been thinking too. the heart foundation honestly stresses me out so much #i love them with all my heart. i do #but i dont trust bigb at all. havent since episode one and wont start now. feels like that man has no loyalty to tango and skizz #hes very fun dont get me wrong but he makes me worried. i still have no idea what his deal is #theyre also very open. no fortification ( i like walls theyre safe)#and their system is very easy to rig (as shown in this episode)#(also bigb straight up saw grian throw his quartz in and said NOTHING)#“this is a death game! why do you not want death? what are you even here for?” SHUSH #this is all /positive. its good stress #(and i love death and betrayal martyn's win is my fav ending so far)#i just got too used to the peace and happiness at the beginning #i did not mean to rant this much but i have a lot of feelings about this series i dont have anywhere else to express #trafficblr #secret life

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fansids · 1 year

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Welp, I've finished the season 4 special...

Anyway-

#the finale wasn't bad btw. It's just it coupled with season 4 and 3 has me tired #I'm sure a lot of people like it #I'm honestly just really tired #I think I've just fallen deeply out of love with lmk #which is sad cause it had me by a chokehold for years #I could rant but I no longer like the show enough to give such an emotional response #Season 3 was already very high stakes and emotional. Season 4 did not need to be #even if I agreed with all the decisions they made. Having 2 high stakes world ending situations with so much angst is emotionally exhaustin #what drew me to lmk to begin with was the villain of the week format it had going #low stakes episodical things with super fun and endearing characters yk #sure they could have an overarching story. I don't actually mind the LBD plot at all #but what they did to SWK... I started watching the show because I saw a clip with him in it and I loved it so much I sought it out #they've massacred my boy #and then the continued angst and stress they tossed onto Mk. I don't appreciate it #maybe I can focus on making aus instead #season 1 and 2 still hold a special place in my heart (season 1 waaayyy more than season 2)#so maybe I'll rewatch those and see if I feel anything #but as of now I think I'm done with the show #ah well

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arcaneyouth · 2 months

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god i wish i had my energy back. i may be feeling better emotionally and physically but i still really can't do much. who knew 2 full days of what i can only assume was a panic attack would do so much damage to my energy stores

#vent post #negative #i wanna drawwwwwww #i want it so bad #this was honestly one of the worst times this could've hit me like this the next few weeks are gonna be a nightmare trying to juggle #everything i would like to be doing #comic pages are probably gonna have to be put off a while.....#i just. i dunno #i feel like i've kind of been mourning the fact that i am entirely incapable of doing as much as i used to #even when i have the energy or the time or the motivation or even all 3 at once #something happens. and i lose my opportunity #and i don't like that i'm slowing down. i know i shouldn't rush myself but i ***want*** to be making art #i want to be doing it constantly #or at least more than i feel like i am #i just feel like i'm setting my goals at things that up until fairly recently were entirely reasonable #and now they're not. and i honestly don't know what changed #and i'm so frustrated. i'm so tired of this. just let me create.#...but i guess that's a long term frustration that's gonna take a lot of work. and my current issue is #I Had A Major Panic Attack And Still Need Rest #and as much as i hate it and am worried this will cause even more stress down the line. i love my body and would like to help #so yeah maybe doing a single chibi today took me the fuck out and that's stupid #but it is what it is. and i will have fun despite it all.

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