#it looks like it belongs to an addict but PSYCH

[beetrootmountain-art]

1:1 of my desk

[pokegyns]

some thoughts:

i think radical feminism is antithetical to transgender ideology. i think we should still treat trans people as people and not be disgusting towards them, but trans ideology is still inherently misogynistic and patriarchal. so i don’t understand “trans inclusive radical feminism”… what are we including? people who believe sex based oppression isn’t real? people who believe in “trans misogyny”? people who “identify” with gender roles that have oppressed women for centuries? people who medicalise gender nonconformity? people who believe homosexuality is bigoted?

these ideologies don’t belong in radical feminism simply because they are anti feminist. so therefore radical feminism is inherently trans exclusionary and i refuse to believe that’s a bad thing.

obviously detrans women and women experiencing sex or gender dysphoria who aren’t trans aren’t included as trans ideologists i’m talking about.

there is so much misinformation and stigma surrounding transness on radblr, and just lack of information. it can be confusing being on the outside looking in! as a detrans woman who's often assumed to be firmly against transition, instead of how i'm highly critical of it and want safety measures within the community to be put in place to prevent detransitions and unhealthy transitions and misplaced identification... i think it's very easy to forget that dysphoria is a mental disorder and trans rights are a mix of gnc rights and disability activism / mental health advocacy. and as most of us know, radblr has a HUGE problem with rampant ableist ignorance.

the trans community is split in two, with some sharing both sides.

there's the dysphoric side, where there needs to be discussions on how to manage a complex disorder and not shame people for trying out different healing treatments. i want to erase the stigma of people with disorders, dysphoria included, choosing treatments that at times carry risks. this can be pain medication with potential addiction, or transition treatments or psych meds that potentially come with side effects and just might not help you in the end. i also hate how neurodivergent/mh communities can turn toxic fast, but i still am glad people can share their experiences with others, find people's stories in battling a disorder and gain more mental stability. this includes dysphoric people for me. as a physically and mentally disabled woman, my dysphoric trans activism is also my disability activism. and my detrans side gives me a complex perspective, because for me, it turned out to be the wrong treatment. some people are anti-psych because meds fucked them up instead of helping them. i am psych critical, because meds saved my life.

i am all for them exploring their treatment options, physical transition included, as long as they're educated on the risks and prepared for potential reverse dysphoria. the tra community handles that in a SUPER inappropriate, unhealthy, and honestly dangerous way and they're shooting themselves in the foot bc they don't push for better healthcare, leading to more detransitioners, leading to more trans stigma.

now on the other side, the term trans (and nonbinary, since not all nonbinary ppl identify as trans) for some can simply be a label to find likeminded gnc people, enjoy a punk-adjacent subculture focused on breaking gender roles and pissing off the patriarchy, and simply enjoying crossdressing and using terms that makes them happy.

dysphoric people still exist, and dysphoria is debilitating. it's a complex issue. for some, dysphoria is more neurodivergent, and it just is stubbornly staying and so they look for more intensive treatments. for others, it's more like a mental illness, and the condition can be treatable and may come from gender roles. and even if a specific person had a root cause for their dysphoria that relates to the patriarchy, i still wouldn't judge them for transitioning if it seems like it's just not going away no matter how hard they try. just like how i'm wary of people going on hardcore, addictive pain meds, or try treatments that come with risks for their physical health, but i know it helps many people and i don't want the option off the table. they are suffering. i care deeply. i fucking hate reverse dysphoria, but i hate ableism even more. i hate the stigma of disorders and the shaming of mentally ill & neurodivergent people, people with mental disorders, including dysphoria as is listed in the DSM.

i know the trans community is confusing. frustrating. often immature. people who are mentally suffering are often not in the right mind to do realistic, down-to-earth activism, but god knows they try and like in neurodivergent activism spaces it can get unhinged in a unique kinda way. we can call out their sexism, their homophobia, their misogyny, without resorting to ableism and transphobia - aka, what imo is a mix of ableism and gncphobia.

dysphoric people deserve healthcare reform. tras keep fucking things up for homosexuals and female/afab people and just make fools of themselves. radfems, esp non-detrans bio women, are often out of touch when it comes to trans issues.

it's easy to resort to extremist views on these things. it can be easier to embrace black-and-white thinking. but it's not the way, trust me! there are grey areas. we need reform, not the destruction of transness being a concept at all, whether it be the gnc subculture or the dysphoric side of it. there are a fuckton of trans issues to tackle. it's okay to be frustrated, to feel hurt, to be worried, to think maybe transness shouldn't be recognized as anything and those people should just be poked out of it somehow. but you can't just force someone's brain to be neurotypical, or cis/non-trans, or take away labels that feel meaningful to some folks even if you find them silly. it's counterproductive. the trans community has a lot of flaws, but it's a puzzle that can be figured out! please hear out trans radfem & nuancefem voices on this as well <3

-mod pikachu ⚡

[thedeerman]

Hazbin Human Prison AU?

Okay so this absolutely would not happen until Do You Want To Know is finished (it's not even close, i'm so sorry) but ive been thinking a lot about doing a prison AU.

The premise: Lucifer is the warden of a mid-security prison. He doesn't really take much interest in his job, but he sticks around because it helps him keep an eye on his daughter.

Prison Staff:

Charlie is the prison psych. She believes whole-heartedly that every single person in prison deserves a second chance at life once their prison term is over, and she wants nothing more than to help them prepare for that.

Vaggie, Charlie's girlfriend, is an ex-cop turned social worker. She's more or less Charlie's right hand now, accompanying her throughout the day. Can't have her going into one on one meetings with violent criminals alone, now.

Alastor is one of the long-time prison guards. The jailmates know not to mess with him, he's the type to pull you out and either physically or psychologically torment you just for looking at him the wrong way.

Niffty is the janitor and lunch lady. People fear her more than Alastor, sometimes. She doesn't seem like much of a threat at first glance, but eventually, every new prisoner found out first hand why people feared her.

Vox is head of surveillance. He sits behind the cameras all day making sure nothing strange illegal immoral he doesn't know about is happening. He and Valentino are together, but they try to keep it a secret. They fail constantly. Everyone knows.

Valentino is a morally corrupt guard that smuggles in contraband for prisoners. He takes his payments in money, sex, and sometimes information for Vox. He's got a long-term deal going with Angel.

Velvette is a younger guard that spends a lot of her time making videos of the prisoners for social media. Is this allowed? No. Is this legal? No. Is this moral? Also no. Is she going to do it anyway? Absolutely.

The Inmates:

Angel Dust is a drug addict and a sex worker. He's been in and out of jail for years, but it looks like he's going to be here for a while this time. He's known Valentino for quite some time, and they have their arrangements to keep Angel from being sober for too long.

Husk is a gambling addict and an alcoholic- not a great mix when it comes to hanging around casinos. Not only is he in serious debt, he's in jail for starting a fist fight in a casino... Again. Makes some pretty good jail hooch though.

Cherri, Angel's long time friend, is in for use of illegal explosives. She'd lost an eye to similar things in the past, but her addiction to the thrill of blowing things up refused to let her stop. Now that she has no access to the parts she needs, she's actually pretty chill.

Sir Pentious really doesn't belong in prison, at least not one where so many weird violent things go on. Sure, he taught some rats how to plant monitoring devices and sent them into a couple of people's houses, but it was only so he could... Well, spy on them. Yeah, maybe he does belong in prison.

Note: this would absolutely include a fuck ton of ships. radioapple, huskerdust, chaggie, staticmoth, cherrisnake, and platonic radiorose

[dragon-fuccer]

Hi!!! If u're reading this u're probably the author of this absolutely amazing fic ✨

And if u're not, go read it;!! It's so good u won't regret it<33

First some fanart jumpscare !!! (I hope u're ok w it bc I haven't asked for permission 😭)

It's just how I imagine Jack to look with a few smaller headcannons based on the fic, and there will be more fic related doodles soon, so prepare for that >;D (ofc as long as u're ok with it!!)

Second, the thing I lured ya here with, aka mine n my bfs ocs, art and description for ya to use in the fic if u want to ^^

TYSM for this offer, both me and my bf feel hella honored and it actually gave us a ton of motivation to actually expand on these two!

Tws : body horror, brief description of violence n death, mentioned suicide and brief description of murder

Smokey belongs to my bf and Something is mine !

Normal text is all written by me and green text was written by him ^^

Art and design by my dearly beloved:

Smokey

Real name : Victor Wilson

Age : around 26 yo

possible victor lore

used to be victor by marble hornets standards known as smokey

a dropout uni student with raging nicotine addiction (smokey did not retain any uni info but vic used to be psych student (projecting much lol))

prolly watched marble hornets with friends for fun and against better judgement decided to give a visit to rosswood park thinking its a film project in the beginning

turns out its not and they spotted the lanky guy

smokey the horror movie enthusiast wants out at that point before shize goes down but its late and they r deep in the forest so comes to conclusion they r all p much dead at this point

peeps want to go hunt for the lanky man cus cool and internet views

my guy is like f that yall r following basic horror lore of everyone dies im not playin like that and straight up says hes not going and hed rather go and sleep in the burned down psych ward

he gets called a wimp but decides if hes gonna die hes not dying an idiot and decides to vidtape everything on his mid tier phone camera

not sure what happens to the rest but they do their meet cute w slendy and prolly with time like half of em ends up in the arko e way or another

smokey manages most of the night fine but like luck would have it still end up meeting the guy

does not go well

wakes up in the burned down hospital not remembering the last unknown time and broken phone beyond repair

decides oho this is bad lets go back to uni and never talk abt it

meets with most friends back at uni but like 2 of em r missing and they just pretend nothing happened, friend group dissolves

after that he starts slowly having memory gaps, waking up in other places

all comes to head when it turns out he missed 5 months of uni after he wakes up back in rosswood really far from home and skinnier than ever and suddenly no more uni student

after that victor surfaces less and less till hes just kinda gone at that point

Smokey first shows up the night victor goes with friends to rosewood

in the beginning surfaces confused unsure who they are and what is their purpose

with time smokey goes through both phone and computer of vics

binges whole marble hornets in one sitting and decides he has a personal vendetta against the operator

since then they work on somehow stoping it (and terribly fails given the lack of information) leading to continuous trips back to rosewood and sleepovers in the rubble of the ex psych ward

figuring out the nicotine addiction takes a bit of time and leads to pretty nasty withdrawal symptoms as well as a very wrecked dorm room (he does find the cigarettes tho and is smart enough to connect the dots (smart cookie, here have a star sticker))

smokey learns asl and isolates themself a lot in the months of operator research

he still maintains two personas to some extends which is one the masked smokey who uses mostly asl and rarely speaks (to some extent also a tactic against being caught by police) and times when he goes without mask on library searches and grocery shoppings

smokey starts a yt channel dedicated to catching the operator and ending it which attracts at best some people commenting on obvious marble hornets ripoff and few cents into his wallet

with passing time they do start finding victims in order to keep themselves alive n appease the the big slinky leading to series of alleged suicides then turned to series of murders

he starts off with two of his ex friends who go back to rosewood and start showing symptoms he learned from mh

When they commit murder they hide in the trunk of the car and basically hotbox the whole thing due to smoking making the victim whoozy and confused, moving on they connect a pipe (like garden hose or whatevs) to the exhaustion pipe and suffocate their victims with the car smoke

the thing that tips off the police is the nicotine in the system of every victim and an account of almost to be one that got stalked by smokey who upon being discovered (also while smoking and which earned him the name) decided to bolt

since then he continues on just about the same, aka researching the operator, finding new victims and surviving untill they meet Something

His hoodie is dark green, the mask is greyish from the grime n dirt, the big cross on it is black so are his pants and hair

Something

Real name : Rae Dyer

Age : 23 before transformation, currently unknown

Something used to be a cryptid fan. They worked at a radio station and had a small night show where they played old rock and often rambled about the latest creature they heard about. While out, looking for a new creature to maybe see, they stumbled upon the Slenderman and became obsessed to document it somehow, quickly spiraling out of control and slowly, bit by bit became a creature themselves.

Something doesn't remember much from it's past life. It used to just wander, guided by the static in it's head towards it's victims, always terrified itself but not knowing why. After Smokey found it, they started wandering together. At first they had serious communication issues - Something only able to speak in tap code and Smokey mainly using ASL - but with time they learned to speak with each other, and now they can understand the other almost without words.

Something doesn't really eat, it survives on fear and between itself and Smokey, it always has more than enough of it. It does steal food for Smokey tho, cigarettes as well, usually leaving them in whatever ruined building he decided to stay in for the night. Something got also addicted to nicotine by just being around Smokey so much, leading to separation anxiety fueled by withdrawal when they're apart.

Something cannot speak, and can only communicate using tap code. When it's particularly worried or scared it does emit a small noise, that sounds like a particularly breathy whine, and more commonly when it tries to speak, quiet spider like ticking can be heard coming from it's mouths.

It usually walks hunched over, used to having to duck under branches, entryways, etc bc of it's height.

Something has pale skin reminiscent of porcelain, and is usually wearing a v neck sweater with a white undershirt and jeans or other pants. It's hair is very thin and scarce, floating around it's head down to it's lower back

Also a tiny doodle bonus of how I imagine these two showing up on Jacks doorstep xjbxbcbcb

We think the most probable case of them showing up would be Smokey getting bonked on a mission (probably by a car or a would be victim) and Something bringing them over to Jacks cabin to get pached up, tho feel free to do something else ya might think fits =w=

Again, thank you so much for the offer, we're both so honored to have the opportunity to show these two off and maybe if you're so inclined getting them a chapter in ur amazing fic<3

If u have any questions you need answered Abt the two don't hesitate to ask them as well! ^^

-Kai n Bean

[xb0rder-7inex]

I just want to address something because it's really irritating me and it's not personal it's just something I have a really low tolerance for right now.

Please do not send me asks that are essentially an invitation to vent to you. I won't talk to you about my situation and this isn't some kind of romanticized relationship. I'm 30 years old. I am a full adult and I am in an abusive relationship. It isn't like I can talk about it and everything is fine. There is a legal barrier here that we are literally going to trial for. This isn't a light problem it's a very private subject and the only reason I post about it is to keep myself accountable for which actions are my own and to pick up on patterns to make note of in the case that I start to feel like I'm being gaslit. It's more to cover my own ass than anything and it also helps me cope (like journalling) when he blocks me.

The harsh reality is that I don't know what lengths he will go to and while I don't believe him to be violent I truly have no idea what he would do to me and sometimes I am really scared of him. But he psychs me out mentally a lot and he is more emotionally and mentally abusive than he is physically abusive. It's all just here for documentation.

My life has literally fallen apart because of him. It is so fucking likely that none of you can relate to losing literally every single thing you had in your life. Your dog, your job, your home, your relationship, all of your friends, your family, your car, and practically a foot as well. When you're supposed to be the fucking victim. To be victim blamed by law enforcement when you're trying to go back because you know how much worse it gets when you try to move on. To be placed in a shelter surrounded by true drug addicts (I'm talking meth, crack, fentanyl, etc) having never gone near any of that shit in your life with all the staff telling you that you don't belong here and not knowing when you'll be able to get out of this unfamiliar territory. Having to rebuild literally your entire life from the ground up. Playing roulette with thousands of other people in the city let alone the province who are just trying to pick up their broken pieces too.

Absolutely nothing anyone says can make that better and I've made peace with where I am. I'm a grown ass woman dealing with some really serious shit that I can't just walk away from. It's an abuse cycle that leaves you walking on eggshells so frequently that it's so much easier to take it than it is to try and leave. There has to be a right time and there has to be a plan. It can take years.

I have a leg up for housing because I'm not an addict and I'm in a DV situation and I qualify for some extra benefits and my main goal right now is to manifest housing. I need to get out of the shelter. I need to get into a space that's my own. Something that is mine. A place that he can't take away from me.

That kind of shit takes time. It takes a lot of resources and it's a lot of waiting. Im in Canada so it may be a little different everywhere but I encourage you to look at statistics and maybe something will make sense to you about why you can't just leave a toxic relationship, and why it's triggering to victims to tell them they deserve better and to leave.

[whitefang93]

Some manga I read this year

Really fun reading in a shitty year of my life. Monster and kaze hikaru are rereads(read kaze hikaru atleast 4 times lol). Kaze hikaru single handedly convinced me to watch Japanese period drama movies and it was blast. Kaze hikaru is shinsengumi bakumatsu era story centred around a girl main character. A beautiful one with slice of life story spun around historical facts that makes reading very engaging.

Monster turned out to be so much fun I came back to being the monster addict I was in 2017. Altho my reading comprehension hasn't been any better since but wow what a thought provoking series. Although the grand scheme of things like Nina and Tenma cud have been more fleshed out towards the end? I just love the microcosm of the series is built around loving and sharing fun meals and like life is a concoction of meals we had together. It's definitely a series that is worth many reads and I wasn't wrong falling in love with it back then.

Pet shop of horrors is another gem.

A shady or not so shady pet shop selling people's dreams(?). I'm in love with count D btw.

Orcot × D felt like eroica's Dorian × Klaus with the will they won't they dynamics.

Maison ikoku is probably rumiko's tightest story with plot progression because it's important to progress the love story here. A young widow moving on in life and leading an independent life and finding love again. You get a good feel of 70s 80s Japan, the slice of life and takahashi's slap stick comedy all in one good package.

Star clock liddell.

I honestly don't knw what to Say abt this series lmao

If you are interested in Rich conversations of people talk abt metaphysics and dream psychology then this is your read. The way the story talks abt longing and broaches the dissociation of one's own psyche and somehow ties into a place of longing and belonging...idk what else to say this is so weird at the same time a good series with stellar art. This read felt like I'm drifting to dreams tht aren't morbidly scary but just unsettling and you long for a curiosity and unknown sense of belonging.

Gabai. Coming of age story set in post war Japan, abt a boy who came to saga to live with his grandmother cuz his mom in Hiroshima can't make ends meet to raise two kids.

Oftentimes phrase of money isn't everything is just hell no poverty sucks...but the story gives a balance to these two sides of it with money isn't everything when you live in a community that doesn't look down on the poor and want to exploit and hoard wealth but sharing during difficult times as neighbors, friends, teachers at school should see it as a part of their responsibility and consious to help one another. The series brought back lots of my own granny memories and the so called simple times when everyone mostly cared for one another. Raising kids is not an isolated work of parents..10/10 and honestly I feel like slice of life stories that don't have this depth and angle are just pointless at times. Giving nuance with time place and lifestyle makes so much difference.

Bokura no kiseki.

Well it's probably the best reincarnations au you will ever read. A series that makes you care abt so many characters and unearthing the past memories of a tragedy and to try co existing in the present world. It's really philosophical at places, about power money and equality. You don't knw what you are in for till you keep reading it and a lot of people keep masking and faking identity so the reincarnation mystery is very fun into this weird cat and mouse games.

Nonnonba.

I wanted to read Shigeru mizuki manga and so I thought why not a shorter one. His depiction of yokai as human emotions manifestations, and tapping into fear, insecurity, traditional folklore, and myths and misconceptions but not dismissive of a culture is very important in his stories. His pencil art detailing is what I feel like digital art might not be able to give...if that makes sense.

Dear Gene.

Yaoi manga with beautiful art. Historical and slice of life and coming of age. I like how it uses queerness as growing up experiences too, the world outside is bigger and more accepting while connecting your roots. A great read.

Sakura namiki.

The S class Yuri classic. The beautiful panelling, with back and forth tennis match between two girls and their bond and emotions flowing so seamlessly between their exchange.

How do we do relationship.

Probably the best manga of romance drama that's not just creating drama but meaningful discussion on navigating as a couple, friends and sexual relationships especially as lesbians in a hetero spaces.

[unbloomingmoonflower]

𝖂𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝕴'𝖒 𝕱𝖚𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖉 𝖀𝖕

𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙'𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖑 𝖒𝖊

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It was ritual for him to arrive to the small apartment belonging to one of his biggest secrets. One of the things about this neighborhood is that the neighbors never asked questions. After all, he barely saw them.

He felt the pulse of the music as his hand touched the doorknob. She had told him that it was going to be open and unlocked for when he arrived. He turned the knob and opened the door to step inside.

Sapphire eyes didn't have to scan far for the one he was looking for.

Dabi only shut the door as the heavy guitar, bass, and drums reverberated in his ears. His eyes followed the indigo-haired woman dancing in the middle of the living room. Her eyes were open, but he recognized the look in them. It was rare to see her dancing, when she almost never did it.

He wondered if she was manic right now.

Dabi moved toward her, not breathing a word, and when she did a slow spin, his hands reached out to grasp her by the hips. Her dark eyes lifted to gaze up at him, focus coming back into them. "...Dabi," she breathed out.

"You're out of it, little Bunny," he replied, not once breaking eye contact. He turned her easily in his arms, his fingers digging into the cotton fabric of the tiny shorts she wore.

After taking in her appearance fully, Dabi saw Bunny's disheveled, indigo hair, the tight, small clothes she normally wouldn't wear, smudges of paint on her fingertips.

The villain gently pushed Bunny toward the couch, easing her onto her back as he climbed on top of her. Bunny's arms banded around his neck to pull him down closer, so that their lips crashed together in a messy kiss. Dabi's fingers nearly tore into the shorts, keeping Bunny still. Her fingers, however, were already at his jacket, tugging at it with an impatient whine against his lips.

Who was he to deny her? Tease her, maybe, but not deny.

To anyone else, it would have been quite fucked up: Dabi indulging in Bunny's mania instead of reprimanding her for not taking proper care of herself. Yet Dabi knew intimately well of Bunny's psyche. Who was he to judge her when she accepted him for every fucked up thing?

"There are times where I'm not me," she had said once and he never forgot that. Especially in moments like this.

The haze was contagious; the focus was no longer sharp. It was the sweetest, beautifully dangerous release on the now where their bodies were moving in unison. Deep inside of her, Dabi hissed against Bunny's neck as her nails dug into the healthy portions of his skin, dragging them down to the edge where his ruined skin was stapled together. His own fingers dug their own, angry streaks into her skin, leaving every mark outside and in.

This was them to their absolute raw, hidden away from the eyes of the society that created villains like him and victims like her. Only, they weren't even those labels here, in Bunny's apartment with the door locked tight. There was no judgment, no fear. Only two people who would never say they were in love, but they could never stay away from each other.

An addiction. An overdose. A dangerous game. Two fucked up people getting high off of each other.

Dabi's grip on Bunny tightened to the point of pain, to the point of drawing blood, as they both hit the nirvana of their addiction, the name of her drug--his name--a scream from her lips. Her nails left equally furious red trails down his back as she went lax beneath him.

Dabi trailed his teeth along the column of Bunny's neck, leaving dark marks on the exposed skin. Words didn't need to be expressed between them; their actions were always more than enough.

This was their high.

[the-brainrot-central]

Heyyyy you mentioned having ocs in a post, I believe…

Do you mind sharing? I like hearing about other people’s ocs 👉👈

OMG YES IM SO GLAD U ASKED

MICKEY

——She is a demon??? I think

——Was intended as part of this little idea I scrapped where several souls get trapped in purgatory because the gods can’t decide where they should go, or something like that, and so they are all just in this blank void slowly going insane together :)

——Each one of them is supposed to embody a concept or a trait of the human psyche in a way

——She symbolizes rage, righteousness, strong justice, hatred, as well as violence and malevolence, if she were a sin she would be Wrath

——Screams a lot, cries a lot, eats a lot, sleeps a lot. Being angry all the time is exhausting for her

——Her existence is just pain

——Frequently violent, favorite weapon is a baseball bat with spikes on the end

——She is chubby and short

——Has ratty, teased up pigtails

——She has a stand (of course) that is a black goopy tar sort of monster, like molten lava that’s all black with fiery, glowing eye sockets or something

Goobie gumba

——don’t have a name for this guy yet

——gender-fluid, all pronouns

——is a shapeshifter

——just a sad, sexy little bitch

——so very sad and sexy

——also has a stand

Old as fuck dude

——no name for him

——he is also in the Shadow Wizard Money Gang (they love casting spells 🪄)

——aka he is also in purgatory

——gay old man, very wise, very kind

——mostly a passive observer of chaos but he will give you a hug if you want

——for some reason I can only imagine him as fucking dumbledore

——but like skinnier and more sad looking

——and with glitter in his beard

——a cynic through and through

——has lost all faith

——has been around too long

——good with kids

——enjoys tarot card reading——he doesn’t believe in all the spiritual mumbo jumbo, he just uses them to pass the time

——has a stand, idk what yet

——someone save this poor man

—

Frankie (evil ver)

——Nasty stinky little man

——Also a demon????

——I hate him so much

——But he is babygirl

——Basically he is a manifestation of me and everything I hate about myself lmao

——Serial killer, cannibal. He likes to torture his victims before they die, it turns him on

——He is more powerful than the others so he can leave the purgatory dimension for brief 24 hour periods. This is how he gets his victims.

——He can’t really control his urges, he’s like an addict

——Little sense for morals, very hedonistic——he values his own pleasure above most things

——He symbolizes lust, gluttony and greed, among other things

——Horny but in a fucked up way

——Long, skinny, lanky, gremlin sized. You can see his ribs through the skin. Bigass fucking feet

——His stand is this grotesque, lovecraftian flesh monster, some beast with many eyes and mouths, covered in some sort of gross liquid like saliva. He can also manifest his stand as a bunch of meaty tentacles, they look like colons/intestines with sharp suckers on the end (think of a sea lamprey)

——Goes into states of feral regression, in which he loses his human intelligence and his brain degraded to that of a wild, bloodthirsty animal, driven by instinct and visceral urge. He loses the ability to talk in this state, instead making grunts and growls, barking, crawling on all fours. He becomes more violent and impulsive in this state

——will eat anything he finds off the ground, doesn’t care how dirty it is. Free food is free food

——Collects trash and random trinkets from the human dimension, hoards them in piles

Frankie (normal version)

——is a high schooler

——very athletic, great at sports

——Plays soccer very well but he hates it

——very egocentric, obsessive narcissism

——Doesn’t feel love or compassion for people, only cares about himself

——very talented but very unmotivated, gave up on life since the day he was born

——he’s a creep, a weirdo, what the hell is he doing here, he don’t belong here

——Is a good friend, despite his personal shortcomings

——doesn’t really like his friends

——doesn’t really like anyone at all to be honest

——he’s just some guy

——has a porn addiction, is into guro (yikes)

——is just not normal mentally, in any way

——just a rotten little fucker

I have more ocs but these are the ones specifically from the Purgatory universe. Might make a second post about the other silly guys

[2009hondajazz]

Honourable mentions of 2024, in a loose order of my favourites

Accompanied by a YouTube link to my favourite track from the album.

Index

Favourite 2024 Albums

Honourable mentions of 2024

LE SSERAFIM, EASY ROSÉ, rosie Johnny Blue Skies, Passage Du Desir YVES, LOOP NMIXX, Fe304: BREAK Infinity Song, Metamorphosis Complete ENHYPEN, Romance: Untold Clairo, Charm Kacey Musgraves, Deeper Well

Albums not released in 2024 that I listened to a lot this year

Parting thoughts for the year

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LE SSERAFIM EASY

Mark my words: when enough time has passed that we can start looking back on LE SSERAFIM's career, many will point to the EASY era as the turning point. Right now, LE SSERAFIM has had a string of hit after hit of title tracks, that it can be difficult to discern which tracks are the definitive standouts in their body of work.

They've also had an unusual trajectory with 'Eve, Psych & The Bluebeard's wife' off of Unforgiven being a promoted B-Side that eclipsed the success of the actual title track, 'Unforgiven (feat. Nile Rogers)'—Rogers' heavyweight name attached to the production, too.

It should have been a prediction for what was to come, with 'Smart' following suit and eclipsing 'Easy' so thoroughly, becoming one of LE SSERAFIM's most distinct hits to date. It was the flavour of the season when it released, tapping into the dancehall trend cemented by Tyla's 'Water'.

I don’t make it an exercise to separate a song from its visuals if it has a visual element attached to it—I tend to accept the visual elements of a music video, concept, choreography, as part of the listening experience—but it is particularly hard to divorce the ‘Smart’ track from its choreography, which I saw everywhere, and which I, even with my stiff hips, tried to learn.

It’s addicting, and matches the song perfectly. The choreography makes the pre-chorus such a fun listen. Even to this day, almost a year later, I’m still trying to that iso-chest shake thing when they sing, ‘Nugun malhae naega mean mean mean mean mean / Shingyeong an sseo swit swit swit swit swit’.

Kim Chaewon was gunning for my bias-wrecker spot, and got it in one, with her presence in this song.

ROSÉ rosie

I've not had enough time with it to put it among my favourites of the year, though I think it would be retroactively placed there.

I love that it’s 12 tracks. I am in a personal 12-track drought. No more and no less. It’s an album that does justice to ROSÉ’s beautiful voice, tone, and style, which is all I could ever ask for.

‘drinks or coffee’, I’d say, is my official favourite for now, the instrumentation interesting, exciting, and something like I’d hear from an earlier pop era (the album overall gives me a vibe of remastered 2000s/early 2010s pop), but ‘number one girl’ has a special place in my heart because it is a perfect album opener, and its place as the album opener elevates the listening experience—‘Tell me that I’m special / Tell me I look pretty / Tell me I’m a little angel / The sweetheart of your city’ are the opening lines, and establish the central thesis that ROSÉ keeps answering back to throughout the album.

Johnny Blue Skies (Sturgill Simpson) Passage Du Desir

I believe I gave this album a listen after John Mayer posted about it on Instagram. Great album, and kept me great company that I needed at the time. A friend of mine passed away a couple of years ago, and I think this is an album he would have liked. I very much wish I could send it to him to listen.

Thinking about it now, I think Passage Du Desir ought to be an official entry on my list, actually, but it isn't a record I listen to often.

YVES LOOP

I just started listening to this EP for the first time this week. If I'd started earlier, it would have probably made the main list. All four tracks are damn good songs, sound distinct from one another, and still belong on the same album.

Like all the other K-Pop queers, I've had ‘LOOP (feat. Lil Cherry)’ on repeat at various points throughout this year. All I knew about Yves was that she was in LOONA, and that LOONA had disbanded. I had no idea how much of a stunner Yves was as an artist. I'm looking forward to seeing more from her, and maybe giving LOONA's discography a shot.

Sometimes I find myself caring about stupid shit and, to shake myself out of it, I just say: ‘Who the hell am I making it rain for?’

NMIXX Fe304: BREAK

IF NMIXX’S MUSIC HAS NO FANS, I’M DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The same story here is that I just started listening to this album properly.

Like many, I found their debut song, ‘O.O’ intriguing. It was a track I was glad to see other people liking, but thought that it was ultimately... not for me. Then I watched them perform it on the MAMA 2022 livestream and I felt that an angel had descended with a trumpet. I understood.

I saw the group step into the dynamism of ‘O.O’. The theatrics of this performance. Changed the game. Where I couldn’t fully grasp the song’s potential, watching their music video on the TV of my old apartment for the first time, it was unlocked during this performance. The live band. Those drums. The electric guitar. The backup dancers. NMIXX members placed on multiple parts of the stage, at multiple levels. It was thrilling. It put the other group stages to shame.

I wanted to see it again for the first time. I felt like a kid watching a live concert on TV for the first time. I wanted NMIXX to be crowned the best girl group of their generation, musically-speaking. And I mean this so sincerely as a hardcore FEARNOT since LE SSERAFIM's debut, and as someone who witnessed IVE's ‘ELEVEN’ usher in what was clearly going to be the next It girl group of K-Pop.

The only other group who seriously contended for this spot in my eyes was NewJeans. And with their future hanging in the balance, I think it's time for NMIXX to take the crown.

I have derailed this write-up about Fe304: Break with my passion toward ‘O.O’. To be fair, I think ‘O.O’ deserves more recognition than it gets.

With ‘O.O’, NMIXX sounded distinctly different from all the other girl groups who’d just debut. The sound was out there, and not in the ‘ELEVEN’-type weird-palatable way. I mean, like, it was off-putting. I am the exact type of person this music appeals to, if only because I enjoy having my eyes opened to music where it was closed before. I had the same experiences with John Mayer and Frank Ocean, both musicians who are now my two favourites of all-time.

NMIXX have continued with their experimental sound in the ‘Dash’ title track, and in their B-Sides. I've played this EP in the car, and I can confirm that it fucks.

‘Passionfruit’ is the standout track for me (dude... not me saying I like their weird music, then immediately highlighting their most listenable track on the EP). I am nothing if not predictable.

I love the opening notes of this track, the melodies weaving from high to low notes, the rap rhythm is an addictive pair with the beat. It’s the type of song that makes me wanna go be a DJ so I can go spread my NMIXX agenda near and far.

Infinity Song Metamorphosis Complete

'I love the way it feels to be a hater / Something so sweet about thinking that I'm better' is a hell of an opening lyric.

I had the pleasure of seeing Infinity Song at a gig a few weeks ago. I had a blast. It battles for the place of my favourite concert experience of the year. It might even win. And I got to see ENHYPEN, Gabe Bondoc, and aespa this year—huge competition.

I got my shirt signed by each of the four siblings, and I also asked the drummer for an autograph because I thought he did a great job. I got to speak to Israel after the gig and mentioned that I had hoped they would play 'Ride or Die', and he said that they had just taken the song off of the setlist.

I think this band is going to blow up in a big way. All it takes is luck and timing (and for the zeitgeist to open up their hearts to groups again).

The next time Infinity Song are gonna be in my city, I am almost certain they're gonna be doing a stadium tour. Maybe then I'll finally get to hear 'Ride or Die'.

ENHYPEN Romance: Untold

(I couldn't find an official audio of this track on YouTube.)

A last-minute addition to this list—I had a conversation with a friend recently, and she helped me realise that this album deserved a spot in my honourable mentions.

Hot on the heels of their Orange Blood EP, which I thought was perfect, plus the fact that I saw them in Taiwan earlier this year, I had very high expectations for their first comeback post-‘Sweet Venom’.

I think my expectations doomed their comeback for me (and yeah, okay, my ex was the one who introduced me to ENHYPEN, so they're still a bit tainted for me).

I wasn’t hot on Romance: Untold at first, with the lyrics of the title track, ‘XO (Only If You Say Yes)’, being… Not to my taste. (The chorus in its entirety is, ‘XO, XO, kiss me / Don’t say no/ XO, XO, kiss me / Don’t say no / XO, XO, kiss me / Just say O.’)

To its defence, though, ‘XO’ eventually grew on me.

My main issue with the album is that it has a slim 25:54 runtime, 9 tracks, and one of them is the English version of ‘XO’. Normally, I'd say, whatever, make your full-length album as short or as long as you want—but for a group of this calibre, and this interesting of a sound, I really do wish for more.

‘Moonstruck’ is a great album opener. The first chorus of the song has got a pair of addictive falsettos from Heeseung and Sunoo, paired with solid, understated vocal lines from Jake to break up the journey between the other two.

It straight up makes me yearn for a unit song from these three, or a duo unit from Heeseung and Sunoo. A longer album would have been a great place to include units. ENHYPEN is such a varied, yet cohesive group, with different talents and charismas that they can work with, that it really is a shame there aren’t more official unit releases from them, four years post-debut.

‘Brought The Heat Back’, a standout B-Side, is so quintessential early-ENHYPEN that it didn’t properly register to me that it was a 2024 track. It’s a welcome change of pace after the first four tracks, and works well as a bridge between ‘Hundred Broken Hearts’ and the rest of the album.

Clairo Charm

I need more time with this record, a couple more late night drives with it. Unfortunately, it got released the same year as Billie Eilish's HIT ME HARD AND SOFT, a.k.a. my personal pick for Late Night Drive Album of the Year.

'Terrapin' is an instant classic. My non-blood little brother showed me the song on his laptop, I was vibing, transported to another place, and he shut it off in the middle, and I immediately said, ‘Turn that back on right now,’ and made him play out the rest. Poor guy. It was the right decision, though.

Kacey Musgraves Deeper Well

Only listened a few times to this album when it came out, and haven't gone back since. But I enjoyed my listens when I did. I listened to it, in full, with my headphones on, eyes shut, which, for my money, is the best way to experience this album.

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Parting thoughts for the year

[girl4music]

Comment by Moonystic: “LOL both of our personalities belong in the Analysts category, so of course we're going to drill into this inside out from a logical point of view.

Just so l'm clear: Are you talking metaphorically or figuratively? Are you saying a vampire isn't actually a demon in a human's body? That vampires are basically mentally ill people? Or just Angel? Or what?

Also, where are you on your watch?”

Well, I’m an INTP, a Virgo and Claircognizant.

So yeah, you’re definitely right about that.

I mean just Angel/Angelus because he seems to be the only one with a split-divide identity/personality going on. I definitely think he is the outlier in the lore.

Yes, I do not believe the “demonic possession” narrative. I think while the human is no longer alive, they’re still very much present in the undead. In the vampire.

While the soul might be missing, the psyche is still intact. So for me, if there is a demon involved in this, it’s less a possession and more of a corruption.

The metaphor is that there is a demon in them. Not that the demon is them. So possession doesn’t really make sense unless the human is still alive - which it isn’t.

I think it’s more likely that the human becomes a demon through corruption due to the loss of a soul. ‘Cause for me, a soul isn’t the human. It’s just the human’s moral compass. But the human is now dead and the consciousness has transferred to the vampire who is basically a half-breed demon but is not possessed by a pure demon.

So yeah, there’s a demon involved in vampirism. It’s just not demonic possession because that means the vampire is an entirely different entity altogether and has nothing to do with the human other than it looks like it because It takes its body for itself.

But that’s obviously wrong because no other vampire besides Angel/Angelus appears to be two entirely different people/entities. So there’s obviously something more than vampirism going on with that man/monster.

Everyone else largely just remains themselves as what they were when they were human and all that’s missing is the soul they had when they were human so they don’t possess an internal moral compass anymore. This means that their animalistic base desires they repressed as a human are front and center and are emphasised in the vampire. Which makes them act immoral and selfish. More animal than monster.

They’re just corrupted by evil. They’re not possessed as it. Because that doesn’t make sense. Angel/Angelus is a mental disorder. His psyche is there but it’s severely disordered so he unconsciously splits himself into two different entities and the way the curse works makes it appear as possession because magic is incompatible with physics. What in true time-space would be a 200 year evolution/regression looks as if it happens immediately. Looks as if someone just flicked the switch in his body.

Comment by Moonystic: “"It's a split-personality disorder very reminiscent to Willow/Dark Willow"

-Not sure I agree with that. This magic addiction storyline is exactly what it's supposed to be. An addiction storyline, one of the obvious toxicity stories of this season. Addicts act like a different person. They hurt the ones the love. They don't think clearly. Only the story is more aligned with alcoholism rather than drugs. Like how she will never truly recover, she will always be an addict. Willow's addiction arc started WAY before Tara and her death. It started in S2, with the soul restoration spell. When Tara was killed, Willow relapsed.”

Yes, I know that that’s what the metaphor is with what Willow goes through in Season 6. Dark Willow is absolutely power corruption, addiction and vengeance. 100%. But Willow/Dark Willow is very reminiscent to the Angel/Angelus scenario in that, like you said, Angel has to play the hero and absolve himself of his own guilt so that he can continue doing what he is doing. Willow does the same thing only the opposite way around. She plays the villain because she’s given up the “I am a hero” persona because ‘better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven’. She lets the power and the black magicks take over but her psyche is still very much there. It’s just disordered. She’s still just Willow. All she’s done is used a coping mechanism of splitting herself into two different people as to cope with what she’s going through. Her experience and the intense emotions she feels because she still has a soul. It’s just buried under the immense power she possesses as an insanely powerful witch which is further corrupting her the longer she lets it. It’s a completely different metaphor they’re going for like you said, I know that. But it’s still very much the same scenario going on with Angelus wanting to play the hero and absolve himself from his own guilt as Angel.

That’s why I say both scenarios are a split-personality disorder. A temporary one for Willow but a permanent one for Angel. I hope you understand what I mean by that. I love Willow’s Season 6 arc so I very much respect the metaphor and what they were doing with her character. But I do acknowledge how Willow often likes to live in her cosplay moments to feel less like a loser or geek or whatever when with others - especially those she loves and is in love with. Like Tara. In her mind, that person is now gone, so why would she even bother putting on a show anymore? She gives up. She caves in to the rage and hate and darkness within. Something that has always existed within Willow but was just deeply repressed. So in a way, it is also very much a “loss of soul” or “loss of humanity” scenario she has to contend with when she becomes Dark Willow. It’s the other way around with Angelus though because Angelus is the one that was cursed. Not Angel. Angel IS the curse. He represents the moral compass missing in Angelus or in “Liam”. He is the soul restored. But he is not wholly separated or divided from Angelus (the demon) because he is just one side to the ship of Theseus that has had its parts deconstructed and then reconstructed again. It might look and behave entirely differently, but it is still very much the exact same built ship within. It is only the ship itself that needs to pretend that it is anything else but that ship all the while undergoing it’s damage and experiencing it’s consciousness. A “possessed” ship makes no sense because it has no reason to feel damaged. And it makes no sense with any other vampire either, which is fine, because they don’t look or behave like two entirely different ships. They very much look and behave like the same built ship with a lack of conscience and impulse control.

Comment by Moonystic: “It's not just a nickname to him, he NEEDS it to prove that these are 3 separate entities (Angel, Angelus, and Liam). Liam's consciousness (where the personality, preferences, memories, etc. are stored) still exists, it's just that the demon is in control. Otherwise Angel(/Liam) wouldn't be able to reemerge out of Angelus whenever cursed and vice versa.

So Liam's traits were transferred to "Angel," including his lack of mental maturity. That also explains why Angel is acting like a possessive boyfriend. Liam was a womanizer, after all. Except Angel just THINKS he's not Liam, so he allows himself to act superior to Buffy. It's very clear how he feels about her: She's immature. Well, duh!

Anyway, this is him lying to himself that he's this new, made-up entity.”

I’ve chosen to think of the split-divide identities/personalities thing as a mental disorder. It’s a split-personality disorder very reminiscent to Willow/Dark Willow which nobody has any problem understanding as entirely the same person just with a severe trauma complex which can’t be wholly separated or divided from Willow either as well as insanely powerful black magicks she allows to take over so she can achieve her goal of avenging Tara’s death. It’s not a demonic possession of any kind. It’s a coping mechanism to escape/avoid her complex trauma and especially the pain/grief of losing Tara.

Angel/Angelus is no different. The Two Ships is actually One Ship just with being incompatible with time-space boundaries and so it looks as if they’re entirely different people. The supernatural doesn’t work with physics so Angel/Angelus is incompatible with time-space. That’s why it looks like demonic possession but it actually isn’t. And it isn’t for any other significant vampire who mostly retains their psyche as a human. They appear to be the same person just with a lack of a conscience and impulse control on their base desires. Which is more animal than monster to be perfectly honest. There is no other significant vampire in the show that split-divides in identity and personality. Just Angel/Angelus. He is the outlier and inconsistency in the vampire lore. Not everybody else that’s a significant vampire!

Even Vampire Willow is still largely the same person when you consider Willow’s actions and choices later in the show. The sadism, the dominance, the controlling, the power hunger. Of course that would be fully emphasised if Willow lost her soul because it’s deeply repressed with one.

And last but not least - external influence. The condition of external influence. The company a vampire keeps. This has a major affect on how the vampire behaves and perceives. Spike proves this.

Angel/Angelus is the only “demon” that appears to be and behaves like two completely different people but that makes no sense either because they still carry the consciousness of each other. Both consciousnesses are very present in the conscious experience of the other all the time.

It’s a split-personality mental disorder. It is not demonic possession or demonic incarceration. The supernatural can only explain so much in Sunnydale. But science exists and matters too.

[heloisedaphnebrightmore]

what are sone of your personal favourite romance books??? as in absolute favourite

No! No no no! You did not go there! You do realise this is a very biased list, right?! 😁 I don't mean biased because everyone has a different favourite, but because when we talk about romance as a genre, it means a different kind of book to everyone, still the genre is decided by publishers. Not only fantasy, contemporary, historical, and dark romance etc., but like one of my favourite romance books is not even romance! It's political fantasy with a romance subplot, still it belongs to romance, because for some unknown reason someone decided to market it like that.

Yes, Hot Keys, Bonnier Books ltd., I'm looking at you! 😅

Anyways, you asked, so you shall receive! 😁 Keep in mind, this is my personal opinion, they are not in order and my taste changes faster than you can blink, so I take no responsibility.

‘Heloise the book addict’ masterlist | Heloise’s map

Side note: I know I always add trigger warnings, but like I'm so damn tired, please check trigger warnings for yourselves this time here or here. I'm so sorry, but I honestly don't have the energy to go through them all.

So, let's begin;

The Folk of the Air series by Holly Black (The whole series which belongs to The Elfhame series by Holly Black, same world setting, different couple)

The Cruel Prince #1

The Lost Sisters #1.5

The Wicked King #2

The Queen of Nothing #3

How the King of Elfhame Learned to Hate Stories #3.5

In January 2023 comes out the companion duology of The Folk of the Air series, The Stolen Heir duology, with its first book, The Stolen Heir: A Novel of Elfhame which will then be part to The Elfhame series.

I am a complete and utter simp for Cardan. You can tell me how you didn't enjoy the book, how the romance was barely there or how it was too political. Nah, don't care. I love politics, I study business after all. I love fantasy, and it was fantasy and more. Romance? Wasn't there? We all have a different expectation when it comes to romance. I'm a character and romance focused reader and it was still simp-worthy for me. Everyone can judge for themselves, but I am a sucker for Cardan and Jude even if I'm still slightly mad at Jude. 😅 However, objectively speaking, it is a political fantasy and should not be marketed as fantasy romance, but because it is, it's now on my list.

Electric Idol by Katee Robert (Book #2 of Dark Olympus series. Kind of a stand-alone, but the books are somewhat linked.)

Other books in the Dark Olympus series include;

Book #0.5: Stone Heart [Medusa and Calypso]

Book #1: Neon Gods [Hades and Persephone]

Book #1.5: Hades and Hades [Hades and Persephone; a Patreon short story]

Book #2: Electric Idol [Eros and Psyche]

Book #2.5: Zeus and Hera; a Patreon short story

Book #3: Wicked Beauty [Achilles and Patroclus and Helen]

Book #4: Radiant Sin [Apollo and Cassandra]

Book #5: Cruel Seduction [Aphrodite and Hephaestus and Adonis and Pandora]

Book #6: Untitled [Charon and Orpheus and Eurydice]

Book #7: Untitled [Minotaur and Ariadne]

Book #8: Untitled [Poseidon and Icarus]

Book #9: Untitled [Hera and Zeus]

Book #10: Untitled [Hermes and ?]

The series is contracted for 7 books as of now but Katee said even if something happens, all 10 books that have been promised will be published. I might add, she said it because fans are going crazy over Zeus and Hera. I'd also like to add that once Zeus and Hera's story is out, you bet it will be on my list because I've been a sucker for those two since the very first book!

I'm a sucker for Eros and Psyche's relationship. He is a simp for him, but they start off along the lines of "I should hate you, but f*ck it, I can't" and I am here for it. It is very spicy, like the plot is pretty much just there in the background, but the characters themselves, the banter, the chemistry, the witty remarks make up for plot that's lacking a bit. Many people started this book off as "meh" only to come out simping. It'll make you swoon if you let it. 😅

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren (Stand-alone)

It was a funny, witty, enemies to lovers but also not, but also yes, with a lot of swoon-worthy moments. I love this book, it honestly makes my little heart swell. 😁 It's one of those little books that has a plot, but doesn't require you to use your brain much. Just a simple little read. I'm still mad about the conflict though, it made me quite pissed off. 😅

The Summer King Bundle by Jennifer L. Armentrout (Book #3.5-3.7 of A Wicked Trilogy, consists of 3 novellas: The Prince #3.5, The King #3.6 and The Queen #3.7)

Wicked #1

Torn #2

Brave #3

The Summer King Bundle: #3.5-3.7

The Prince #3.5

The King #3.6

The Queen #3.7

The Summer King bundle is basically a collection of 3 novellas that follow a different couple, though it is heavily connected to the series. I liked the Wicked Trilogy, it was a good read, but The Summer King Bundle stole my heart. Caden and Brighton are just so sweet together, they gave me cavities. It's full of drama, so not a sweet little paranormal fantasy romance, but I loved it.

A Court of Thorns and Roses series by Sarah J. Maas (The whole series except ACOFAS; I still can't get over that one scene, makes my stomach churn)

A Court of Thorns and Roses #1

A Court of Mist and Fury #2

A Court of Wings and Ruin #3

A Court of Frost and Starlight #3.5

A Court of Silver Flames #4

This whole series made me so immersed, I finished the books in 5 days. 5 days when I was hella busy. I was reading like a maniac and only so many books can do that to me. Although Azriel's book didn't come out yet, I'm such a simp, that SJM could literally write the worst book about him and that book would still be on this list.

And last, but not at all least, the person who introduced me to paranormal/fantasy romance books back when I was 14!

J.R. Ward (I'm a sucker for this woman's writing! I own almost all of her books, except 3. But no, it shouldn't be read under 16 😅)

Black Dagger Brotherhood series

Black Dagger Legacy series

Black Dagger Brotherhood Prison Camp series

The Lair of the Wolven series

Fallen Angels series

Though my absolute favourites are—

Lover Eternal (Black Dagger Brotherhood #2)

Lover at Last (Black Dagger Brotherhood 11)

Blood Vow (Black Dagger Legacy #2)

Blood Fury (Black Dagger Legacy #3)

She writes paranormal fantasy romance with male leads that make you swoon. She writes diverse characters, back stories, personalities and her whole writing is brilliant. I know I'm biased, but she is amazing! Each story is about a different couple, but the books are interconnected so they have to be read in a reading order which you can find here.

Well, that would be all for now. My brain is not functioning well. I hope you'll find something you like <3

[therotatingvillain]

Another song I heavily associate with Trevor Philips and why you should too

I’m back once again with more useless opinions and a song analysis no one asked for yet I’m going to deliver anyway.

My hyperfixation on GTA V and Trevor hasn’t stopped yet, so I’ll be over here squeezing out every last bit of dopamine I can from this character, which means I’ll once again dive into his incredibly tragic but interesting psyche by analyzing another song I believe to be a very fitting character song for Trevor, in this case Fairytale by Alexander Rybak, also known as Norway's 2009 ESC song.

Let’s dive right in.

Years ago

When I was younger

I kinda liked

A girl I knew

Sadly this song isn’t gender neutral like the last one, but we’ll just ignore the wrong pronouns and do this anyway. 

When Trevor was younger, still running jobs in the midwest, he met Michael. Someone just as eager to make money as Trevor, someone just as unhinged and addicted to violence in, to Trevor, the most delicious way possible. From the very beginning, their first meeting when Trevor immediately killed someone for Michael, Trevor fell in love. Slowly and it took him some time to realize, but Trevor imprinted on Michael like a baby bird, soaking up every ounce of attention Michael had to give. Trevor became obsessed with Michael to the point that after finding out Michael had faked his death, Trevor dropped everything, the entire life without Michael he had built, to once again cling to Michael and try his damn hardest to somehow force their relationship back into what it was in North Yankton.

She was mine and we were sweethearts

That was then, but then it's true

Trevor was in love and always thought there was a chance, no matter how small, that Michael loved him too. He saw Michael as his best friend and his one and only, the most important person in Trevors life and Trevor was ready to do anything for Michael. Until Amanda walked into their lives, Trevor believed that Michael was also ready to do anything for him, that Michael would belong to Trevor until they both inevitably died due to Trevors insanity. To Trevor, a person who used to very much live in the moment and not care about casualties or taking risks (which he still doesn’t), Michael was the realest thing, something which made Trevor feel something so sickeningly real that it simply made Trevor addicted and fully depended on it. 

I'm in love with a fairytale

Even though it hurts

Running jobs in the midwest with Michael, perhaps Brad and Lester, was Trevor’s dream life, his own personal fairytale. A fairytale he was painfully ripped out of first when Michael ‘died’ and then again when, after Michael ‘came back’, Trevor was confronted with the truth of that fateful day 9 years ago. Trevor tries his hardest when he finds out Michael is still alive to turn back time because for the first time in 9 years, he is confronted with a very real chance at his own personal fairytale again, a chance he tries to grab, to hold close and never let go again. He tries to force the past to become the present again, ecstatic when it even just works in small ways, like hanging out with Michael or running bank jobs again, that he fully ignores the continuous pain he experiences because of Michaels abuse of him and his situation. Michael ruins Trevor further than Trevor already had been ruined but Trevor continues to chase after Michael and his dream of going right back to the way things were because it was the only thing keeping him alive and somewhat sane.

'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind

I'm already cursed

And that is exactly what this line portrays perfectly. Trevor knows he is inevitably going to not die of natural causes. He knows his end will be either himself or his lifestyle and he doesn’t mind, because before Michaels return into his life, Trevor didn’t see a reason to keep going. Yes, Trevor is a survivalist, no doubt because of his childhood, but that doesn’t mean he has any actual will to live, as, if you look at his behavior throughout the game, he is known for dangerous, suicidal stunts that only work because his need for survival, his need to achieve something, to later on make Michael his once again is stronger than his want to end the massive amount of pain he is in. Trevor knows indulging in Michaels means that pain growing, he knows there is absolutely no chance of Michael coming back to him and especially in Bury The Hatchet, Trevor realizes that Michael hadn’t been truly his for much, much longer than he thought to and also that Michael hated Trevor a lot more than Trevor was ready to admit. 

Through Bury The Hatchet, Trevor understood that Michaels hatred for Trevor meant that they would never be able to be together, something Trevor desperately cling to the past 9 years, something keeping Trevor on the brink of insanity, yet he didn’t fully turn and run away from Michael, as in the end, his addiction to Michael outweighed his natural human reaction of running away.

Every day we started fighting

Every night we fell in love

Especially after Amanda and the kids came into the image, Michael and Trevor’s relationship was ruined. Michael’s hatred and need for a bad guy in his life (who he made out to be Trevor) grew as he realized that what he wanted from life was this perfect nuclear family, something Trevor would never be able to fit into. Trevor on the other end relished in the small, shared moments of tenderness that still happened between them, the small remnants of what their friendship had once been, something which gave Trevor purpose, which gave him a will to live. To Trevor, their friendship was something blooming in the most beautiful way possible while for Michael, their friendship hadn’t been an actual friendship in very long.

No one else could make me sadder

But no one else could lift me high above

Michael is just another of Trevor's addictions. Just like heroin, just like meth, just like any other hard drug Trevor takes/took, Michael burned him from the inside, made his life unbearable and his depression, his suicidal tendencies that much more prevelant while at the same time offering a form of support Trevor never had nor ever will have again in his life. Trevor drowned in every part of Michaels attention, no matter if it was horribly abusive or soft and tender, Trevor needed it and still does. Trevor is still incredibly dependent on Michael even though there are only very few scenes in the game where they don’t argue or yell at each other, the only one I am able to think of being when they told Franklin about the big one. 

I don't know what I was doin'

But suddenly we fell apart

Needing Michaels love, Trevor was ready to do anything Michael asked of him while still being unhinged, violent and overall a menace to society. He never realized how much that exact part of himself actually fucked with Michael until Bury The Hatchet, again, the truth of how far Michaels hate for him goes back finally coming to light. 

While to Michael, his ‘death’ took a long time of careful planning and paying off government officials, to Trevor it came suddenly and abruptly, just as if Michael had actually died, something Trevor no doubt was not able to deal with. It marked the start of Trevor Philips' entire being going downhill in the worst way possible, ending with him in the middle of the desert of Blaine County as a meth dealer and weapons trader with severe mental health issues, immense suicidal ideations and without a doubt in my mind multiple suicide attempts under his belt.

Nowadays

I cannot find her

But when I do

We'll get a brand new start

When finding Michael again after 9 years, Trevor tries to pick up right where they left off, only to realize the Michael in front of him wasn’t his Michael anymore. Trevor says it himself all the time in the game, Michael has massively changed to the point that Trevor celebrates it whenever Michael once again becomes that unhinged version of himself, the version Trevor fell for all those years ago. After Bury The Hatchet, Trevor realizes that the Michael he knew, the Michael he had fallen in love with was long gone and had truly died on that day in Ludendorff, so instead he tries to built some form of foundation with this new Michael and instead of keeping on persisting they go back to their old ways, Trevor starts accepting the truth and accepts that they’ll never go back to how they were. His fairytale was long gone and it wouldn’t ever be able to come back, but that didn’t keep him from trying to built a new one, the only problem being this one was built on hatred, disgust and overall disdain for each other, Michael still blaming Trevor for everything wrong in his life, while Trevor has a hard time accepting his Michael is truly dead and the new Michael despises him.

I'm in love with a fairytale

Even though it hurts

'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind

I'm already cursed

She's a fairytale

Yeah

Even though it hurts

'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind

I'm already cursed

Yet Trevor doesn’t stop and never will stop to try and build a relationship with the new Michael. Yes all they do is argue, but even in all of that arguing are just the tiniest bit of teasing hidden, the tiniest bit of that certain true something, that addiction Trevor had to Michael and the feeling of secureness, of utter and pure happiness and bliss Michael gave Trevor which Trevor had been trying to replicate with drugs his entire life but never managed to. Trevor knew that inevitably, his addiction for Michael was going to kill him,but if it meant he could even have a shred of happiness, he was fully ready to go through everything the world threw at him.

Thank you for reading, I hope you understood what I was trying to say lol. I actually only wrote this because my best friend freaked out over how much this song fit Trevor and I agree, it is an extremely fitting Trikey song and as you all know, if I can indulge in Trikey, I definitely will.

This isn’t even remotely as long as the last one which I, ngl, am glad for as the last time I spent a good 5-6 hours on writing it while this one took not nearly as long. 

I do hope you enjoyed it and please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes as English isn’t my first language.

Stay hydrated and horny you wonderful human beings.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Shen Wei Serving Lewks, Part 7

(Masterpost)

Look 30

Swamp coat...no wait, hang on.

Upon close inspection, this is not Swamp Coat, but a different loose trench coat in Swamp color. What the fuck, Shen Wei! Borrow one of your boyfriend’s coats again, pretty please?

Both times this tunic/coat outfit has appeared on Shen Wei, Zhao Yunlan was wearing this gorgeous tailored denim number, with perfectly fitted shoulders and a nipped in waist. Sigh.

Anyway, Swamp Coat 2.0 is nicer than 1.0, and Shen Wei is wearing it with a with an immaculate super-casual loose white tunic with a band collar, so he looks beautiful even though this ensemble is decidedly meh. 

As Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan get closer, Shen Wei’s wardrobe becomes looser and more casual, which is probably good for his psyche so...okay. 

In addition to layers of loose fabric, this look features a checkered nosebleed hanky and the angriest face he has ever turned on Zhao Yunlan. 

Along with definitely not kissing

(More behind the cut!)

And definitely not having a massive grope session like the last time Shen Wei got between Zhao Yunlan’s knees on this lab table.

Once the anger passes, however, this is a very good look for making out in a taxi with a boy who has excellent taste in coats. 

Bonus Look 2: ZY’s Turn to Be Angry

This look belongs to Zhao Yunlan, who is wearing a single soft layer with a wide exposed neck so he can have an intense argument and hand touching with Shen Wei. This is Zhao Yunlan’s at home look, without the extra layer (vest or jacket, in a tough fabric) he always wears except when he’s alone with Shen Wei.

Shen Wei is like, no it’s fine honey, slicing my arm open is just a thing I do so I can eventually die spectacularly.  Also I drained my life force for you, don’t make a big deal of it you know I hate when you make a big deal of things. 

For once Zhao Yunlan gets to be the overprotective, upset partner in the relationship and also maybe the big spoon for a change. In keeping with his personality, he expresses himself explosively... 

...while Shen Wei quietly leaks out emotions like the black smoke leaking from his wrist.

This is Zhao Yunlan without his armor, his swagger, his smile; this might be the only time he is as vulnerable with Shen Wei as Shen Wei (always) is with him. 

Look 31

Shen Wei wears his blue double-breasted wedding crasher suit to begin his long, long relationship with this pillar.

This look features chains, more chains, and long conversations with ridiculous smoke effects. 

Bonus Look 3 - ZY Rescue Trench

Now THAT is a trench coat. Do you hear me, Shen Wei's Swamp Coats?

Hilariously, we are meant to believe this superbly fitted coat with its itty bitty waist and this perfectly sized gun belt are what Zhao Yunlan took off of this schlubby guard. Zhao Yunlan DOES have magic powers! 

This is a good outfit for convincing your lover to give up his relationship with a malevolent pillar and come home with you. 

Did I hastily photoshop Smoke Dude out of that rescue picture? I did.

Is this just a gratuitous picture of freshly-unchained Shen Wei looking upset and Zhao Yunlan comforting him? It is. Shout out to all the H/C fans!

Look 32

This look is a grey suit with a white grid pattern, and striped red and blue accent fabric on the pocket and under the collar.  This was briefly featured way back in the trauma cake arc. Here Shen Wei is also wearing a fresh cravat in grey tones. 

Shen Wei had been wearing a narrower range of outfits lately because he doesn't have enough drawers at Zhao Yunlan's place, so he must have made a brief stop at his apartment to get some more things. 

At home with Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei wears this look with a bare face and neck, chilling in his white shirt with the collar stiffeners. I'm going to call them that forever; you can't stop me.  Note how the shirt has darts (the vertical seams from his shoulder blades to his waist) so that it fits perfectly across the back.

This is a good look for lovingly preparing fresh fruit for your candy-addicted beloved and then watching him while he sleeps. 

Shen Wei’s ass is now chainless, alas, but these trousers are doing yeoman’s werk work.  

While Zhao Yunlan sleeps, Shen Wei takes the opportunity to check up on his special pendant necklace that he bought at a bong shop when he was in college.

Back in the full ensemble, Shen Wei is ready to have a haberdashery throwdown with his jerkass father-in-law, who normally has serious game in a plum coat and patterned vest.  

Today Pop Zhao has unexpectedly said “fuck it” and worn a brown sweater and beige trench. 

Don’t encourage Shen Wei’s boring taste in coats, Pop Zhao!

After easily winning the best-dressed award at tea, Shen Wei accessorizes his look with cheekbones that could cut glass, and his best “oops, busted” face when Zhao Yunlan sees him hanging out with the parent ZY hates so much that he has the same job and facial hair as him.

That leads to a wonderfully layered interaction, in which Shen Wei just kind of stands in front of Zhao Yunlan refusing to engage with his need for control, while Zhao Yunlan roasts Shen Wei for being untrustworthy...and then offers him a ride back to the office.

Guardian is so good at capturing the constantly-fluctuating state of a deep relationship, in which you can be fighting on one level and totally fine on another level; where you’re going to have a donnybrook with your lover but first you’re going to get a decent meal into them. 

Skipping!

We’re skipping over the increasingly bloody tee-shirt ensemble that appears in the final episodes. That look says, “anti-gay narrative tropes suck.” 

Instead, check out this beauty that Shen Wei wore for one poorly-lit scene early in the show. This is the only time he wears a fully-matched 3-piece suit and he SLAYS in it. And then puts it in mothballs forever. 

I guess when you’re wearing an outfit the first time your sweetheart breaks into your apartment and disorganizes your panty drawer, you only want to wear it for the most special occasions after that. 

Look 33

After a bunch of unnecessary yet compellingly-acted death, Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan meet up outside of time and space in a Windows 95 screensaver.  

[That is a Gen X joke. OP is old.] 

Shen Wei’s look for this meeting is the same one he wore the day they met in the modern world - the double-breasted 10-button vest, with arm garters and now also (SIGH) tears in his eyes. Instead of that, here is an infinite loop of Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan talking over dinner in their kitchen, because screw Episode 40. 

Look 34

Exiting the screensaver, Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan fall out into the AU of your choice, because they realize that they left the wormhole together last time so it shouldn’t be too difficult to leave it together this time. They can just hold hands while they leave, for fuck’s sake. 

In the AU of your choice they get married in these beautiful suits, as seen in Bazaar magazine. 

Shen Wei’s look here features tousled hair and the glasses-free look he prefers when he’s with his true love. This is the first black suit we’ve seen him in, and he’s doing fine work in it, particularly with the gold bola thingy he’s wearing at the collar.  Zhao Yunlan is so hot here that only Shen Wei dares to touch him.

Look 35

For the beach party they throw for their AU friends and neighbors a month after the wedding, (also courtesy of Bazaar’s photoshoot) Shen Wei chooses this short-legged suit with white canvas shoes, a lovely display of calf and a sprinkling of leg hair. 

This look says, I love you forever and I'm pretty sure I can give you a spinal adjustment using only my leg muscles. 

Shen Wei has replaced his bong-shop pendant with a tasteful diamond bar necklace, which was an apology gift from Zhao Yunlan after ZY intentionally accidentally set fire to Swamp Coats 1 through 4. 

Near his heart Shen Wei is wearing a tie pin (sans tie) that’s made out of a lollipop stick. 

Preview

The next post features Shen Wei’s cosplay looks including Black Robe Envoy and Ye Zun! 

[dizexplainstheuniverse]

Give up hope.

If the past 2 years have taught me anything, it’s the art of giving up hope.

It’s about a human as it gets to dream, to wish, to imagine, to long for, to crave, to seek after something or someone to fulfil our wants, needs and desires.

Now, I fully believe in following the path of desire. I have absolutely no interest in sitting here and telling you I’m a desire-less puritan – quite the opposite. I’m full of unmet needs and aching yearnings.

However, I am going to try and communicate with you the importance of giving up hope...

Giving up hope doesn’t mean becoming hopeless, or admitting defeat, or becoming a lost cause.

Not at all.

What I’m talking about is giving up hope as an act of surrender.

So long as we hope, we project outwards onto the world, onto others, and unknowingly give our power away to ideas, concepts, and people. We make them, the other, something or someone outside of ourselves and outside of our control responsible for our individual happiness...

Let’s take a look at one very relatable example:

So, like many of us, I spent much of my time at the beginning of 2020 ‘hoping’ that the pandemic would all be over in a few weeks. I begged and bargained with the powers that be to make my lockdown misery end and clung desperately to hope. We all know this story too well…

Did it end?

Did it fuck.

Every few weeks ‘they’ would announce yet another indeterminable amount of time stuck in the prisons we called home.

My dreams of freedom were crushed, over and over again, until eventually – I gave up hope.

I remember thinking, “alright, I get it, screw this, I give up…” and I surrendered to the now. I stopped trying to fight reality with the idea of freedom I had constructed inside my mind in order to try and cope with the current situation.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done this in my relationships (I’m the fucking Queen of projection - such a powerful imagination… ).

I was either too busy clinging to a version of a person I was hoping they’d turn out to be – or clinging to a situation, scenario or concept of what I hoped relationships could be like – to see what was right in front of me all along.

The grass was ALWAYS greener, or at least I hoped it would be…

The trouble with perpetual un-fulfilment, AKA addiction, AKA the human condition, is that we’re so damn distracted looking for the cure to our pain, hoping it’ll be in the next dopamine hit, that we are literally blind to the abundant nature of reality screaming out for our attention.

There’s a saying, right: “you wouldn’t know it, even if it hit you the face…”

When it comes to love, this has certainly been true for me.

Not only are we blinded by our past conditioning and traumas, but even when we begin to see the love, joy, pleasure, freedom, safety or belonging that’s right in front of us, we’re so fucking terrified to receive it and let it in that we subconsciously sabotage, resist, deny, reject and continue to fulfil the age-old narrative that “we’re just not good enough” or “we don’t deserve it” … or, if you’ve got an extra sneaky-smart psyche “it’s just not good enough for me!” … and off we go again, demanding more, more, more…

Of all the things, situations, and people, I’ve hoped for in my life, the moment I gave up hope and surrendered to the pain of my reality, that’s where true liberation was found.

The trouble is, we aren’t all well equipped or ready to fully feel the depths of the pain that giving up hope brings. It’s scary AF. Especially if we can’t yet see what’s right in front of us. So instead, we fight, we run, we freeze, we appease. We spend every waking moment of our lives looking for the next get-out of feeling the pain from our past.

There’s that other saying: “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone” - classic. I bet you can relate to that one as well.

It was painful for me to give up on my hopes in relationships. So painful, that I’ve often stayed in alternatively slightly less painful relationships, substituting one pain for another, because facing the pain underneath of the thing I was masking was deeply terrifying – like, chilled-me-to-the-core kind of terrifying. So much so, my mind had created all sorts of elaborate tales about my unworthiness and lack of deservingness to protect me from experiencing that kind of pain ever again. And the masochist in me was indeed thriving.

It was too painful to give up hope, I needed it. I dug my claws in and I refused to let go. Because giving up hope, surrendering to what is real and present right now, meant having to acknowledge and grieve what I was never given but rightfully deserved. We’re talking, of course, about childhood wounds. The pain of that betrayal, the loss of love, care and nurturing from the adults in my life that were ‘supposed’ to care about me was truly heart breaking. Not only this, I felt just as terrified to receive it. I could not trust it that it would not come at a cost of more pain and suffering – just in another form – so why risk it?

I didn’t want to be alone - I couldn’t bare re-experiencing the pain of my loneliness and isolation. I didn’t want to be close - I couldn’t bare re-experiencing the pain of risking abandonment, rejection and neglect.

Oh, my sweet, agonising, disorganised attachment injury. Forever caught in a double-bind. “Can’t live with it, can’t live without it” – there’s another one for ya.

Truly, the only invitation I have for you here if you relate at all to these experiences, is please – give up hope.

Gently, slowly, with compassion and acceptance, feel your pain.

Hold yourself tenderly, allow your heart to break open. Soften your breath, your body, feel your feet on the ground. Release your tears, cry, scream, wail, rage, punch, roar – drop deep into the depths of your pain with such loving awareness for the universal experience of how painful it is to be a human being on this tortured planet.

You are not alone.

For I assure you, what awaits the other side is a freedom, a bliss, an ecstasy more real than any hope.

Share & Follow - Instagram: @dizexplainstheuniverse | Facebook: /dizexplainstheuniverse

[irunevenus]

“There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” There is a sense in which sexual sins are different from all others. In sexual sin we violate the sacredness of our own bodies, these bodies that were made for God-given and God-modeled love, for “becoming one” with another. Or didn’t you realize that your body is a sacred place, the place of the Holy Spirit? Don’t you see that you can’t live however you please, squandering what God paid such a high price for? The physical part of you is not some piece of property belonging to the spiritual part of you. God owns the whole works. So let people see God in and through your body.” 1 Cor 6:16-20 (Message Bible)

I love the message bible. Just look at the above rendering of 1 Cor 6: 16-20. It says it all. Nothing actually can be added to that. What Can Be Added? Nothing. The Word is complete in itself.

Indeed, as someone said, “Sex is much more than a physical interaction; it is an energetic exchange, and opening into another person on an energetic and spiritual level. The act of sex creates a connection between your energy field (aura) and the energy field of the person you are having sex with. When this connection is made you will pick up or absorb whatever is attached within the other person’s spiritual energy field.”

That is why scripture says in 1 Corinthians 6:18 says - Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.

HERE ARE THE 7 MYSTERIES OF SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DEMONS YOU SHOULD NOTE, EVEN FROM VARIOUS SCIENTIFIC STUDIES.

1. Each time a man connects with a woman sexually and releases his life form energy within her, he leaves a part of his information (DNA) in her birth canal. And this also happens to him vice versa.

These imprints can often create illusions and sexual addiction to the individual.

When someone decides to have multiple partners, it can sometimes send mixed emotional signals within the inside of the body’s vibration system. Women must be careful of different energies or spiritual forces polluting their internal temple. You are a sacred doorway, where life is intended to pass through, respect yourself, use your gifts wisely! Wait till marriage as God intended.

Just think about it and ask yourself… Ever wonder why they call it sexual intercourse (INTER-Course)? It’s an internal course that unites man and woman, mind with mind, spirit with spirit, or energy with energy.

This is something that a condom can’t protect you against because energy is behind the elements of all flesh. There is no such thing as “Casual” Sex or “Friends with Benefits”… No, No, No, I Don’t Think So!!! Intimate activity intricately entwines the energies between two people.

2.  Sex creates a powerful exchange of energy between those involved. These connections, imprints and debris are left upon the mind, soul and spirit for a long time because they are not easily purged or cleansed. ‘Casual sex’ with multiple partners can intertwine the energies and spirits of a lot of people into your own aura if they are not severed and cleansed. You become joined to every person with whom your partner has slept, as well as all the partners those people had. This type of “soul clutter” can be felt by your partner’s subconscious.

Even if they are not completely in tune or aware of the extra-curricular sexual activities, they still are able to sense the subtle disturbances of multiple energies and/or familiar spirits that have entered causing restlessness and inner turmoil.

The longer and more intimate the contact with another person, the more powerful the reinforcement and the interaction of the bond become, and all the more difficult it is for them to untangle and leave. Soul stains, transference of odours, perceptive connections and even mutually formed habits are now left to burden the psyche long after that relationship has ended.

3. The openness and surrender during sexual intercourse can allow the exchange of attached entities between two people. The thoughts, desires and behaviors of an attached entity are experienced as the person’s own thoughts, desires and behaviors.

The thoughts, feelings, habits and desires do not seem foreign if they have been present for a long time, even from childhood. This is a major factor in the widespread denial of the concept and lack of acceptance of the phenomena of discarnate interference and spirit attachment, obsession or possession.

4. People also pick up entity attachments through sex. If you have sex with someone that has a entity or demon, you will absorb that entity into yourself. You will basically be making a choice to allow or invite anything within the person’s energy field you are having sex to come into you.

It is important to understand what sex actually is and what it creates beyond physical pleasure, and to choose the correct people who you want to open yourself to on that level.

5. Vast beings, living for thousands of years in your terms, make their living ruling and parenting you, seeking their value from you because you have considered yourselves valueless and purposeless.

Those who would rule you on the physical and multidimensional planes understand the power of your genitals to create life, pleasure, pain, and death. They use your genitals as doorways without you even realizing it.

You are re-gridding Earth and changing the frequency so that one-by-one lights go on and fields of energy are established. You must learn how to stop feeding those vampires who suck your energies, from the astral planes, from the dimensions, and from on and under the Earth herself. Your sexuality and how it is used are the key elements.

It is in this very deep part of your regenerative self, your sexual organs, the core of your being, that many of the main problems lie, problems so dark, so secret that no one would dare speak of them. Yet they must be revealed. To relinquish power over your sexual organs is truly to abdicate the power of living.

By power we mean a sense of connectedness and accountability, the maturity to know when to express yourself sexually and when not to…..First you must make peace with the sexual organs of your being because it is here that life springs forth….And most of all, seek to understand the power of your sexuality, to infuse its expression only with love, for sex without love is truly not worth experiencing.

Within the sexual frequency, you exchange with one another. So if you are bonding yourself and chemically exchanging with a person who is not of your likeness, you are taking on their garbage because you are exchanging energy quite intimately. Even if you don’t want to be with this person, the sexual experience stays with you because you have had an electromagnetic exchange.

6. Sexual chemistry and sexual intercourse itself is also a preferred method of creating a powerful link for psychic feeding.

It is very important to not participate in the normalization of sexual behaviors that are not based in mutual respect and deep reverence by marriage.

This may sound prudish but I do think human sexuality is powerful and threatening to the dark forces and they use normalizing sexual deviance and loose sexual behaviors to destroy people and to prevent the true spiritual potential of human sexually from being realized and enjoyed. There is no comparison when sacred sexuality is honored, realized and or known. Lower forms of sexuality are then obviously repulsive, low and degrading to every person involved.

Having the good sense to set appropriate boundaries, finding and addressing our blind spots and past traumas that create unconscious reactions and developing the capacity for highly evolved skills of discernment is of extraordinary importance. If we have not addressed our own blind spots and unconscious triggers or do not have a clear sense of what is really going on, this can be one of the easiest ways that narcissists and entities can use to take and misuse our energy.

7. Pay attention to who you share your intimate energy with. Intimacy at this level intertwines your aural energy with the aural energy of the other person. These powerful connections, regardless of how insignificant you think they are, leave spiritual debris, particularly within people who do not practice any type of cleansing, physical, emotional or otherwise.

The more you interact intimately with someone, the deeper the connection and the more of their aura is intertwined with yours.

Imagine the confused aura of someone who sleeps with multiple people and carries around these multiple energies? What they may not realize is that others can feel that energy which can repel positive energy and attract negative energy into your life.

[cozytruecrimeaddict]

I Think I Need Help (Hotch x OC) pt 2

Alright, so 2 parts in one night, going to try for 3 in a bit. But, this one comes with some MAJOR warnings. So check those out down below. But seriously, I hope that if this finds you, you enjoy it. I’m really enjoying writing again so much so that I really didn’t have fun on the hike me and my parents took earlier because I was wrapped up in writing this.

oh and this part as spoilers for 02x11 (this episode just really stuck with me and kind of fits with where I was thinking of taking this story) 

so our lovely warnings: normal CM violence, rape, sexual assault, self harm and possible suicide

I however would like to add on that the self harm goes into minor detail. 

A few weeks passed by in a blur. I hadn’t been thinking about anything. I went to work, came home, read parts of my book to relax, and repeated the cycle. Nothing of note really happened until we came across a case that Reid literally bumped into. 

He was coming into work and he ran into a kid who sounded kind of suspicious and then ran off after all but confessing to killing a prostitute. 

Reid brought in a rough sketch from while he was coming in and then got confirmation of a murder from the local PD. 

“Seems we’re not busy enough for Reid over here, just going out and bringing cases to us” I smiled at him. He smiled back, while everyone else laughed a little bit.

After the confirmation, we got to work. 

The victim was a woman who was working as a prostitute. We went to see the coroner to get more information on the victim.

When checking out the body, she had the word ‘HELP’ carved into her stomach. 

I flinched back, seeing the wounds. Who.. who could have done that. She was just trying to make money. She didn’t deserve this. 

I felt my heart stop, my breathing hitch. Gideon glanced up on me and Reid took a step closer. 

“You okay?” Gideon asked?

I nodded, scared my voice would betray me. I tried to regain control of my breathing. 

Hotch chose that moment to walk in. He looked at me and nodded. 

“I came as soon as I got your message. What do we have here?”

I wish I went with Derek and Emily. I should have went with them. Why didn’t I think. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID.  

I watched as the conversation wrapped up and we got back in our cars to head back to the BAU. Every breath felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it. Why am I here? Why me? 

I felt something tap my hand, that was fidgeting with the edge of my cardigan. I looked up and saw Spencer. 

Breathe.

He mouthed. 

I tried to take a deep breath, but it felt impossible. I kept trying, but we got back to the BAU by then. I excused myself to go to the bathroom. 

I splashed cold water on my face, trying anything to get my breathing under control again. All I feel is hot, like the room is closing in on me. I removed my cardigan. Pacing around the bathroom, I tried. I really tried to control my breathing to calm the wave of anxiety. As I passed the mirror, one thing caught my eye. The edge of a scar along my wrist. One that I wish I could say I had from working here, catching a bad guy. One that ended my addiction all those years ago. One that caused something to feel so good, that I could easily use to calm down now. 

10 years though. It’s been 10 years since I stopped. I was graduating high school early. I was picked on. Daily. From my belongings being thrown away, to having someone break into my locker and leave a noose hanging from one of the hooks. 

I didn’t think. I was trying to make a list of positives. What I was taught when I was 13 after being released from the hospital. But before I could finish my hands had already gone into my bag and pulled out my makeup bag. At the bottom of the makeup bag was a small pair of scissors. I. Didn’t. Think. I just…. did. I opened the scissors, and pressed the blade onto my skin. And I… stopped. I felt my heart beating in my ear. I didn’t think. thump. thump. thump. You don’t have to do this Sam.  Pressure, pain, release. Pressure, pain, release. Pressure, pain, release. 

3 times. All through the scar that ran down my left forearm. Little horizontal lines, slowly bubbling with blood. I could breathe again. I was okay. I will be okay. One time. I needed to get out of my head just this once. That was all I needed. 

I ran cold water over my arm, washing the blood off as it appeared. I grabbed a few stray bandaids and placed them gently on the cuts. 

I hid my arm as I went back to my desk, grabbing a blue sweatshirt I had in my bag underneath. 

I looked up as Derek gave me a strange look. 

“Sam, come on.” He spoke up as I put my sweater on. “We got the kid Reid saw. Bringing him in now. Let's set up for an interview. 

I sat in, quiet, as Reid tried to understand why this kid sought him out. What had happened. Did he kill that girl, carve her up, begging for help? Or did he try to find help on his own?

We finished our interview, deciding to hold the kid overnight for a psych eval. We recommended his mom get him a lawyer.

After deciding to focus our efforts to find another possible suspect, Hotch dismissed us shortly after. He’s been extra stressed since the start of this investigation and I really wonder why. 

“Want to do something tonight?” JJ asked, coming up to my desk.

“Thanks, but I’m not really in the mood. Maybe another night?” I smiled at her.

“Sure.” She walked away. I saw Derek watching me again.

“Derek, I’m sure you know what my ass looks like by now. Whats up?”

“Walk with me?” 

“I guess.” 

Outside, Derek sat on my Honda Accord, looking out over the city.

“I feel like I should be checking in on you. You went through something most of us couldn’t completely understand. I wish I could have gotten to you sooner. It’s like, we came in and you were just gone. We didn’t know. Though, knowing you, I’m sure you put up a hell of a fight.”

“Derek…”

“I guess, what I just wanted to say is, talk to me. You’ve been distant from all of us. We’re a team, and I know right when you needed us most we failed you. I’m worried about you, Sam. You got a lot of fight in you and a serious amount of potential and skill for someone so young. I don’t want to see it wasted.”

“Thanks, Derek. But, I think I’m going to head home. I appreciate everything you’re saying, but I’m just tired. I’m fine, I promise. I trust all of you and I know you guys have my back.” I moved towards the drivers door, getting in and starting the car. Derek placed his hand by my window, so I rolled it down and he leaned in.

“We love you, Sam, don’t forget that.” He backed off and went to his own car. 

That night, laying in bed, the feeling came back. My head was swimming with thoughts of what happened to me. Of his body pressed against mine. Trying to fight back. No Derek, I didn’t put up a hell of a fight, I just gave up. Pressure, pain, release. Help. No, not again. I promised. Pressure, pain, release. I shouldn’t. I don’t want to. I can’t stop. I won’t stop. Whats the point? Pressure,pain,release. Pressure,pain,release. Pressurepainrelease. 

Until there’s nothing but

black.

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I woke up next morning with 8 voicemails. 1 from Reid, 1 from JJ, 1 from Gideon, and 5 from Hotch. 

Oh no.

I look around on my bed and see my arm left a nice puddle. The clock flashing 1:00pm on my bedside table. I pick up the phone, calling Hotch back. 

It only rings once.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine Aaron, I promise.”

“Do you need me to come and get you? You’re never late.”

“No, I’m fine. Let me just shower and change and I’ll be in.”

“Sam…”

“Seriously, I haven’t really been sleeping the best. My neighbors decided to have band practice pretty late. I guess last night it just finally caught up to me.”

“Do you want to take the day off?”

“No” I said a little too quickly. I can’t not work. I need to work. The distraction helps.

“Sam, if you want to come to work, I’d rather you not drive if you haven’t been sleeping. Just get ready. I’ll be by in half an hour.”

“Aaron you….” Don’t have to. But he already hung up. 

Shit.