#it looked like my best friend's email addy

[ageless-aislynn]

Why'd you have to leave so soon? Why'd you have to go? Why'd you have to leave me when I needed you the most? 'Cause I don't really know how to tell you without feeling much worse I know you're in a better place, but it's always gonna hurt

[witchygagirlwrites]

Broken Bonds- Part 9

Former (ish) Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, BabyDaddy! Jay Halstead x Reader

When an undercover op leaves Jay struggling you don't leave him to face it alone

Warnings: talks of violence, hate crimes

“So are we doing a co-ed baby shower or am I gonna be the only guy there?” Kevin asked, sitting on the edge of your desk with a broad grin. You pushed your chair back a little to look up at him and shook your head with a laugh “Didn’t really think it was an issue of guy or gal. If anyone who loves me and Jay wants to come celebrate our daughter, they’re welcome to”

He nodded “Well then you know I’m gonna be there. Vanessa and Jordan have even sent gifts once they found out she was a girl and you know uncle Kev has to make sure she’s looking right” time he said that apparently Addy wanted to make her opinion known because you could feel what was either her elbow or knee running across your stomach. Kevin watched the movement with a small smile until you grabbed his hand and felt around a little before placing it right on top of her movements. His smile grew when he felt her “Damn. She’s as strong as her mama”

Kevin was one person you hadn’t worried about judging you in the least from the word go in any of this. He’d always had the biggest heart and if he cared about you? He’d go to war in a heartbeat. “I’m sorry we haven’t really gotten to spend any time together in the last few months Kev. I swear you’re still my best friend” you told him and he laughed lightly, turning his hand from holding your stomach to holding yours “I know lil mama. You’ve been going through a lot. I’m just glad it seems to be calming down a little because I was worried there for a while”

You cut your eyes around to where Hailey was talking to Kim, Hank was on the phone and Adam was gone with Jay. “Did everyone notice how insane my emotions were?” he shrugged “Upton pushed it off on hormones anytime anyone mentioned it so they wouldn’t push the subject but I know you. You know I love Jay and Mouse but if those two would’ve put enough stress on you that something would’ve happened to you two? I would’ve been helping Stella drop bodies”

You laughed at the thought of your fire lieutenant sister and detective best friend sneaking onto a military base in an active war zone to go after someone, only after taking out a detective in Chicago. “Neither of them would’ve purposely done that” he nodded “I know but that wouldn’t have helped our feelings” you shook your head “You two are insane, you know that?” he shrugged “You are her sister and damn near mine. We’re just as protective of you as you are of us” 

You gave his hand a squeeze “And I always will be” he winked at you then stood up “In that case since I know I don’t gotta crash next week I’m gonna get back to work” you motioned to your computer “Me too”

Things had gotten better. Things were still pretty silent from Mouse but you hadn’t expected him to exactly be chatty. That man had taken more than anyone should’ve had to in stride and still put your health first. 

The first time you’d gotten an email from him after telling him about Addy you’d nearly cried even if it was just a photo of a crescent moon over the base with one line that said Made me think of you

You’d changed the background of your phone to the photo and planned to keep it like that until Addy was born and took its place. The standing plan was that he’d only call if his unit was moving, his orders changed or his contract got an end date. Beyond that or the emails you sent him he didn’t want any contact and you couldn’t blame him. That was why you always kept the emails short, just told him you hoped he was safe and left it at that. You refused to hurt him worse, even if it made you ache not to tell him at every chance just how much you loved him and hoped like hell you’d get to see his face again one day.

It was about noon, everyone was just finishing up lunch at their desks when Hank came walking out of his office “Listen up. We had a shooting at a mosque on the south side. Three confirmed dead, two on their way to med. Upton and Burgess, go to med and interview the families. See if anyone remembers anything. Kidd see if you can pull anything from any traffic cams or security cams nearby. The rest of us will head to the scene”

You nodded and turned to your computer as everyone started grabbing their jackets. You felt Jay’s hand on the back of your chair before he was leaning over you to gently touch your stomach. “I’ll see you when I get back” “Talking to me or her?” you teased so he kissed the top of your head “You’re carrying her so both”

You heard him turn to catch up with Kevin who he was no doubt riding with so you turned your attention to trying to find any footage you could of the shooter.

___________________

By the time everyone got back to the precinct the knot in your stomach was growing. You’d clocked the posture and formation of the guys the moment you saw it. When you pulled the partial of the tag you’d gotten from the getaway car it had confirmed your fear. It belonged to Matthew Riley, an Army vet who was medically discharged about four years before.

When you dug deeper you found out he’d struggled with PTSD, depression then that turned into substance abuse which in turn caused his wife to leave him and get granted full custody of his two kids. The last social media footprint you could find was on a page for a militia type group that was ranting about the “outsiders” in the country and how they needed to “purify” it.

“Kidd, what ya got?” Voight asked as everyone filed in from the back hallway because you were at the board, adding everything you’d found. Your eyes flickered towards Jay before you ran down everything you’d found out.

“Ok, do we have anything more on this group?” you shook your head “I’ve put in some calls but so far nothing. This is the first big move they’ve made. Considering the gear I couldn’t identify any of the other men and on their site there’s too many to narrow it down before they could hit another target. I’ve got an address on Riley’s ex wife and an A.P.B. out on his car”

Hank nodded “Ruzek and Burgess go talk to the ex. Atwater, Upton and Halstead hit the streets, see if any of your C.I.s may have heard something” “Got it boss” Adam nodded then him and Kim headed for the back hall. 

You grabbed Jay’s hand on the way by “Hey, you good?” you knew how these types of cases affected him in the past. He smiled slightly  “Yeah, I’m good” then slowly pulled his hand out of yours and headed behind Adam and Kim. Kevin patted your shoulder on the way by and Hailey assured you “We’ll keep an eye on him”

The ex wife proved to be a bust. She hadn’t spoken to him since their divorce two years before. “She stuck with him as long as she could. It just became too much” Kim explained from where she sat on Hailey’s desk. Jay hadn’t spoken since him, Kevin and Hailey had come back from talking to C.I.s and you were starting to worry but you weren’t going to say anything.

“Kidd, anything on any of the other members of the group?” Hank asked you so you shook your head “The ones that actually have phones I’ve got but they’re inactive. The ones that have cars I’ve yet to find on any traffic cams. It’s like they’re all hold up somewhere just out of eyesight and that thought alone is scary as hell”

Kim’s phone started ringing so she answered it, looking around as she said “Thank you for letting us know” when she hung up she stood and walked to the board to move one of the victim’s faces over to the deceased slot. “Damn” Kevin breathed. 

Adam ran a hand down his face “How do we find a fricking unit that has just as much, if not more training as we do and doesn’t want to be found?” Jay cut his eyes up “Put a prime new member out in the open for them” you felt your heart drop. Was he really offering to go under?

You could practically feel everyone’s eyes on you when Hank said “You think that’s a good idea Jay?” Jay nodded “C’mon Voight. We set up somewhere with a few other undercovers. Make it big enough and look good enough to get their attention. They’ll find me then we got em”

Your hand went to your stomach without thinking. You wouldn’t interfere with Jay’s job anymore than you’d want him to interfere with yours. That didn’t mean you had to like it and that didn’t mean you wouldn't be keeping Stella and Will on speed dial for the entirety of this op.

Hank nodded slowly “I’ll make some calls and get your uc apartment in line” Jay nodded as Hank walked towards his office. You refused to look anyone in the eye but a pin drop could’ve been heard when Jay stood and walked over to your desk “Hey, can we talk?” you looked up to see he was holding a hand out. Hailey, Kevin, Adam and Kim were all four trying their best to make it look like they weren’t paying attention.

You stood without Jay’s help and walked towards the breakroom. He walked in behind you and shut the door then pulled the blinds. You turned to face him after taking a deep breath. “I don’t fucking like this Jay. The last time you went under like this you and Mouse were up for a week straight after”   

He took a step towards you so you met him halfway, letting him slip his arms around you. He rested one hand on your lower back and one on your stomach “I’ll be ok. It’ll just be a few days but you saw what those guys did. What if that was the beginning? You pulled the videos off their site, saw what their ideas are. We can’t leave them on the street”

You nodded “I know. I know it’s our job. That doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it” he smiled and leaned closer to press a kiss to your temple “Can I ask one favor?” you nodded “Yeah” he pulled away to look down at you “Will you stay with Stel while I do this?”

“Why?” you asked and he moved the hand on your stomach around just enough that Addy reacted to it. “Because you’ll be worried. Here you’ll have everyone around you but when you go home I know your mind will get too loud. With her and Kelly there it wont. Plus if something went wrong they would be there. That helps me focus knowing you two are good”

“Low blow Halstead” you grumbled and he grinned “See? I can play that game too” you shook your head “I’ll text her to let her know” “Thank you”

It was decided Adam would go under with Jay because a two man team taking out a clinic of “outsiders” was more believable than one. While Adam’s undercover persona Jon didn’t have the military background Jay’s undercover persona Curtis did because he didn’t know the things Jay did, you did make Jon’s father former military to make him more attractive to the group.

You sat watching the security footage of the “clinic” from the precinct. The plan was for “Jon” and “Curtis” to attack the clinic around ten and the CPD to barely miss catching them. You had rooted their online manifesto right to the militia group’s front door. All you had to do now was sit back and let it play out.

________________________

Once Voight called it you made sure the false news report would be everywhere online any member of the group looked. They’d have no choice but to find “Jon” and “Curtis” 

You sat at your desk,waiting to get a text from Jay. He was supposed to let you know when he and Adam got back to the uc apartment. Hailey, Kim, Kevin and Hank were on their way back along with a loaner detective from major crimes that worked well with the unit in the past since you couldn’t exactly hit the streets.

You were on the verge of panicking when your phone chimed we’re under. Stay safe. See you soon. That would be the last contact you could have with Jay until the actual meet with the group came down. All other contact would be through Voight or Kevin.

You let out a breath and laid your phone down, running a hand over your stomach. Why had your life gotten so complicated? You couldn’t dwell because all at once the group’s phones started lighting up one by one “Took the bait” you whispered to yourself with a smile before going to work to try to triangulate their locations.

You couldn’t sleep. Why the hell did you expect yourself to be able to sleep? Your baby was planning soccer with your internal organs, the father of said child was undercover waiting to be plucked up by an extremist group with one of your closest friends.

You turned over for what felt like the thousandth time when the door opened of Kelly and Stella’s spare bedroom you were back staying in. You looked over your shoulder to see Stella. “Did I wake you up?” you asked with a grimace. She shook her head “No. I was worried about you”

She walked over and climbed into the bed behind you, sliding her arm around your waist to rest her hand on your stomach. “Mouse will survive this tour. Jay will survive this undercover op. Addy will be the healthy and happy and everything will eventually work out ” “I know” you whispered and she buried her face into your hair “Then sleep because my niece needs it” you laughed lightly and said “Yes ma’am” 

It wasn’t long before you did indeed find yourself lulled to sleep simply by the comfort of being held.

It took exactly two days before Adam and Jay were neck deep with the group and privy to their next target. It was the larger mosque on the north end that was hosting a celebration. Over two hundred people planned to be in attendance. They also didn’t plan to just use guns this time.

The unit’s floor had never been more insane than it currently was. Detectives from Major crimes, a couple marshals and even an agent or two from ATF was slammed into the tight quarters ready to swoop down upon Voight’s all clear. 

You’d had one or two of them doubt your being there with how far along you were until you hacked one agent’s phone while smiling in his face. “What she can’t do in the field she’s learned to do behind a computer” Hank told them with a smug smirk. You shrugged at the agent “That was slow compared to who I learned from”

After that no one doubted you being there and instead was routing questions your way too. Especially when Hank added in one of the detectives that had gone under was your child’s father. That had earned you a look of respect from the marshals at the fact that you were working so calmly under pressure, if only they knew it was a fake it till you make it kind of thing.

_______________________

You watched everyone leave and was left listening to the coms and watching surveillance from the convenience store across the street. You felt your stomach flip when a truck rolled up outside of the mosque and men started to step out. Even in full gear, with a mask on you would recognize Jay anywhere. Next to him you clocked Adam along with half a dozen other men. 

According to the message Adam got out to Hank there were four other men that would plan the explosive while the rest of them were supposed to take out who they could with the firearms. “Hold until my signal. Those are my guys” Hank warned across the coms and you smiled. He was an asshole but his unit was his. 

You saw Jay say something to another man and assumed that was probably Matthew Riley. Damn you wished he had a com to know what was going on. Another car rolled up and that must have been the signal because the men spread out and moved towards the mosque. Four went to the front entrance and four towards the back.

You said a silent prayer when the group with Jay and Adam disappeared from the screen. You didn’t have eyes inside so you would be blind. The sound of automatic gunfire made you flinch right before Voight’s voice “Go go go”

You watched as agents poured out of homes and cars that were around the mosque. You saw Hailey’s blonde hair next to Kevin’s broad frame followed by Kim’s dark brown hair and took a deep breath. Your unit would bring him back. You had to trust that.

Out of the ten members of the group, eight arrests were made. One guy got shot drawing on Hailey and unfortunately Matthew forced Jay’s hand into putting him down.

In total the group had thirty three members. One of the arrests rolled over on the rest of the names and after that addresses were easy to find. Judges were lining up to sign their warrants. It was nearly ten at night by the time the final arrest was made and your unit made it back to the precinct to finish up and head home.

You were talking to Trudy when Hank led the unit up through the back hallway. Adam was first through and he gave you a tired smile then was Kim who smiled “That was exhausting” Hailey walked over to whisper in your ear “He tried to talk Matthew down. Adam said the two spoke a lot over the last couple days” you nodded and she patted your shoulder with a small smile.

Kevin walked over and leaned down to hug you when he walked in “I hate these kind of cases but love when they’re done” you laughed lightly “Yeah, they’re even worse when you’re stuck here”

Jay was last through the door. He looked like he hadn’t slept since the last time you saw him. There was blood splattered on his jeans, what looked like dirt or soot smeared across one side of his face and the look in his eyes told you his mind was anywhere but there. You cut your eyes at Hailey who gave you a small nod. “Everyone head on home” Voight dismissed you all as soon as he saw Jay was in the bullpen as if he was waiting on him. 

You stood up and walked over to where Jay was now leaning against the wall, hands resting on the vest he still wore which alone told you his head wasn’t on right because normally he would’ve already stripped the vest. You didn’t quite touch him, afraid of startling him because you didn’t know how bad it was “Jay?” you called his name lightly and he blinked before his eyes finally focused on you and the look in them softened automatically “Hey”

“Hey” you smiled and held your hand out “You headed home?” he nodded and took your hand. He didn’t say anything as the two of you walked downstairs behind Kevin who looked over his shoulder at you twice. You shrugged because you didn’t really know what Jay needed at that moment so you had to trust he’d let you know.

Once you were outside in the cool night air Kevin wished you both goodnight and headed for his car. You walked with Jay to his truck. “So I’m gonna go home tonight since you’re not under anymore” you spoke and he nodded “Ok” he reached out a hand to your stomach but stopped and curled it closed “I’ll see you later” he spoke low, eyes moving from your stomach to your face. You nodded “If you need anything you know where I am” 

He watched you walk over to your jeep and get in before climbing in his truck. A part of you started to ask if he wanted to stay with you but you weren’t sure that was the right idea either. You sighed as you pulled out onto the road, glancing down at the polaroid and ultrasound on your dash before turning your attention to the road.

You were asleep, curled up on your side  when your phone started ringing. You groaned as you pushed yourself up the bed and tried to find it without opening your eyes. When your hand finally wrapped around it you brought it to your ear and just answered it with a “Kidd”

At first you thought whoever it was had hung up before Jay’s voice finally hit your ears “I’m sorry for waking you up but can I please come over?” you wiped a hand down your face,worry for him pushing sleep out of you. “Of course” “I’m on the way” he replied then hung up.

You laid the phone down then climbed out of bed. You needed to put on sleep pants considering you’d gone to bed in just a maternity camisole, which considering it was winter was probably insane but she was making you a human furnace most night.

_________________

You’d nearly dozed back off on the couch by the time Jay knocked on the front door. You walked over and opened it to let him in and closed it behind him. The moment he crossed the threshold he pulled you into a hug, one hand going to your stomach. “Please don’t take her from me” he begged, voice breaking.

“Jay?” you asked, leaning back as far as you could from his grip to look up at him. Dark circles were under his eyes, that same hollow look still there along with unshed tears. He’d showered and changed but you doubted he’d ate or slept since leaving work.

“What is it?” you asked, feeling your own tears threaten to fall at seeing his. “It broke him losing his kids sweetheart. That’s what made him not care. Everything he saw, everything he did. He could deal with it by going home to his kids but when he lost them he didn’t care anymore. Please don’t take my little girl, I love her so damn much already. I know the shit in my head gets to be a lot at times but I am trying to be better for her I really am”

You pulled him down into a hug and felt him bury his face into the bend of your neck, tears wetting your skin “Jay you listen to me. You are her father.I would never take her from you. I see that you’re trying. You’re a good man and if you stumble I won’t leave you down there I’m gonna help you to your feet. We’re partners, remember?” 

He nodded and you blinked hard a few times to stop your own tears from falling. “I knew this case would mess with your head” “I’m sorry for waking you up for this” he whispered and you stepped back to look up at him, really look at him “How much have you slept in the last week Jay?”

At his silence you shook your head and grabbed his hand “C’mon” He let you lead him through the apartment and to your bedroom, his eyes widening slightly “Don’t get excited cowboy. We ain’t hitting round two” you teased, reaching to take his jacket off then nodded to his boots “Kick those off”

He did as you told then looked at you questioningly so you said “Take your jeans off unless you’d rather sleep in them and if you would it’s nice knowing I’m pregnant by a psychopath”  “I didn’t come over here to try to get in your bed” he whispered, eyes dropping to the floor as a look of shame flashed across his face at the thought that you were thinking this was a show to get you to take him to bed. You nodded “I know but you have said and I’ve seen that you sleep pretty well when you’re near her and currently being near her means near me. So get comfortable and get in the bed. I’m pregnant and tired. You’re exhausted so let's go to bed”

He nodded slowly and unzipped his jeans before pushing them off his hips. He folded them in half and sat them on top of your dresser. You smiled “See? No big deal since I have seen you naked after all” you ran a hand over your stomach and he smiled so you waved a hand “I’ve got the left side so you’ve got right” you slipped under the covers and motioned to him.

“Is it ok if I take my shirt off?” he asked and you touched your hand to your chest in mock shock “Oh my Mr Halstead! Topless! That’s indecent” and was rewarded with a full grin before he slipped his shirt off and put it with his jeans before joining you in the bed. 

He turned on his side facing you and brushed the hair out of your face, hand cupping your chin. “Thank you. I know I’m not who you want here but thank you” you covered his hand with yours and smiled softly “Get some sleep Jay. You deserve it” his hand moved from your face to your stomach “What happens if Mouse decides to come home when his contract ends?”

That was the first time in weeks he’d directly said anything about Mouse. You raised your eyes to look up at him “What do you mean?” he raised his eyes to yours “He still loves you now just as much as he ever did.Addy doesn’t change that..Are we still going to be good if he comes back? Don’t get me wrong baby I want him home safe and I want you happy but I want us good”

You reached a hand up to his face “What happens if you date?” he smiled “They’ll have to accept that you’re my partner, the mother of my child and my other half in some ways. No matter if we’re not together we’re gonna be in each other’s lives regardless”  You nodded “Same goes for me, now like I said before..get some sleep and for the record, if I didn't want you here, I wouldn't have told you to get in the bed”

“Goodnight” he whispered, hand gently rubbing your stomach. “Goodnight” you replied with a yawn. You fell asleep with his hand stretched wide across your stomach.

@desimarie12

Part 10

@allisonargent144

@waywardhunter95

[fandomsonrequests]

fake dates for a real wedding

fandom: ATEEZ

characters: kang yeosang; ATEEZ

reader: fem!

word count: 3.5k+

summary: Initially, you thought it wouldn’t be hard to find a fake date for the wedding. You could just ask one of your friends. But it seemed like fate was punishing you for your impulsiveness because all the people you were supposed to ask were busy with work or had their own affairs to deal with. All except one— which landed you on where you were now: on Yeosang’s couch begging him to come as your plus one.

a/n: fake dating au, some cussing

Based off on the songs: nangangamba - zack tabudlo, pretend - bad suns, drive slow - addie

You whine when Yeosang lightly shakes you out of his grip, pushing you away from him on the couch. “But Sangie..! You’re the only one I trust.”

“Well, it’s not my fault that you lied about your ‘relationship.’ Look where that’s landed you.” Your friend motions at you, eliciting another pleading whine from you. 

You see, this all started when your friend from high school was getting married. You weren’t super, super close but had a good friendship with each other. So when he invited you to his wedding, he asked if you had any plus one to bring along. You, not wanting to seem like a sad loner, panicked and said that you had a date to bring along. Your friend teased you for a moment, saying that he couldn’t wait to “meet the lucky person” before hanging you up and informing you that he’d send the invitation through an email. 

Initially, you thought it wouldn’t be hard to find a fake date for the day. You could just ask one of your friends. But it seemed like fate was punishing you for your impulsiveness because all the people you were supposed to ask were busy with work or had their own affairs to deal with. All except one— which landed you on where you were now: on Yeosang’s couch begging him to come as your plus one.

“You said you weren’t busy,” You pout and fold your arms like a petulant child. 

“Well I’m not, but it doesn’t mean I’m going to go and pretend to be your date.” He countered.

“And why not?”

“Because it’s lowkey weird..?” He suggests. In reality, it was because he had a massive crush on you. He had one since sophomore year of high school, he just couldn’t really bring himself to tell you then. He could probably tell you at this point in life but he wasn’t ready— not yet anyway. And he didn’t want to hurt himself by pretending to be your date during the wedding. Sure, it was a selfish move on his part, but he’s been hurt before. He didn’t want to be hurt again. Besides, you probably don’t see him as someone more than a friend just like in high school, and he’d rather not deal with the consequences of this seemingly one-sided love.

“It’s just for a day, pleeeaaasee,” you try again and put on your best puppy eyes.

The male sighed, knowing that he wouldn't be able to resist that, no matter how much he steeled his nerves. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he weighed over his options, which wasn’t much, come to think of it. Maybe he could just indulge in this fantasy for a while, even if it didn’t last forever; at least he could have that luxury. With a final sigh for the umpteenth time this day, he agreed reluctantly.

“Fine,” he replied and you rejoiced. “You’re paying me though.”

Your cheery deposition drops and you blanch. “What?”

“I’m only kidding,” Yeosang adds before you could panic, the corner of his lips quirking up in an amused smile, showcasing some of his beautiful pearly whites.

You grumble, lightly swatting at his arm and he chuckled softly. You couldn’t help but drop your annoyed act and smile in return, glad that things were working out in your favor. You look down to bring out your phone so that you could explain the details to him, missing the way he looked at you fondly, eyes full of yearning for you.

“Since it’s a ‘summer wedding’ it’ll be by the beach. So that means we can wear light but business casual clothes.” You tell him and hand him the phone. 

Yeosang takes it from you, fingers faintly brushing against yours as he reads over the email. You note the way his brows lightly furrow together as he takes note of the invitation’s content. You also note a cute little quirk of his, the way his lips would part slightly or pout just a bit when he was concentrating. You blink away from your trance when you realized that you were staring. Since when were you fixated on the little things about him?

“Have you picked out what you’re going to wear?” He asks and hands the phone back to you. “Because if we’re going to go as a ‘couple,’ we’re going to have to match a little.”

“Oh wow, you’re really going all out with this.” You muse, a light blush coating your cheeks. 

“I mean it’s not a usual thing to pretend to be your best friend’s date to a wedding. Why not make the most of it?”

You smile at the thought. “Yeah, let’s make the most of it.”

The smell of the cool sea breeze fills your lungs as you step out of the car and onto the warm, concrete beside the boardwalk. The wind gently ruffles your hair and pale blue sundress, caressing your skin softly. A content smile makes its way to your face as you take in the warm sight of the waves rolling onto the beach in front of you before looking over to Yeosang. 

His round-rimmed spectacles sat atop of his cute nose, his honey skin seemingly glowing under the sunlight. The outfit he donned, which was a blue button-up top and some white pants, matched yours. He looks over to you with a curious raise of his brow to which you respond with a dorky smile and a shrug. You walk over to him and loop an arm around his. He welcomes the action, even briefly squeezing your hand before walking with you down to the beach where the wedding was to take place. 

“You remember the plan?” He adjusts your sun-hat to keep it from falling off your head.

You nod in response and try to keep your cool. It only dawned on you how nerve-wracking it could be to fake a relationship; you wondered how Yeosang managed to keep calm. “We met in our junior year of high school, messed around a bit in college before getting together just recently.”

The blonde hummed in approval. Actually, the story you conjured up wasn’t too fake; you two did somehow skirt around your feelings for each other in your freshman year of college before you both decided it was best to stop messing around and focus on your studies. It spared both of you the dramatics of the “what are we” phase and allowed you to keep track of your goals in life. The only thing that you lied about was you two being together. But given your history with each other, your friends wouldn’t really question the backstory too much. 

“______!” Your college friends call out to you when they spot you heading down the beach. 

You let out an excited noise, to which Yeosang couldn’t help but chuckle at, and ran out to meet them. They joined you halfway, the strongest of the whole group lifting you into a bone-crushing hug and giving you a small twirl. The blond watches from a respectable distance as you exchanged pleasantries with your friends, talking about what was new and how life was going, the usual stuff. 

The little group was currently caught up in a story when you looked over to Yeosang. He was dusting off the hat that fell off your head, shaking his head in amusement. You motion for him to come join you with a small nod of your head, holding your hand out to him. This doesn’t go unnoticed by one of your friends and she follows your line of sight. A pleasant gasp escaped her lips when she saw him approach the group. 

“Well look who’s here,” She muses, taking note of the way he settled behind you and placed the hat back onto your head. 

“Oh, Yeosang you’re here!” Another friend greets. “Were you invited?”

The said man shook his head, a subtle but charming smile on his beautiful lips. “I just came here with _____.”

The group looks to you expectantly and you simply smile at them, a faint blush on your cheeks. “He’s my plus one.”

Small cheers and whistles erupted from the group, furthering the blush on your cheeks. Even Yeosang’s complexion grew a little rosier at their teasing. One of your friends slings an arm around your shoulder and smirks. “So, are you two a thing or just playing around?”

“We just got together recently. We’re taking this seriously.” You answer, trying not to stammer. 

Another round of cheers.

“That’s great. It's about time you two became a thing.” Your friend pipes up. “It was painful seeing you two pine after each other during freshman year and then just drop it like that.”

“Yeah, I lost 20 bucks because of that.” Another friend sighed, reminiscing the bet they had lost. 

The conversation eventually shifted onto other things, surprising you at how well they received the news. You relaxed a bit more at that, the nerves and anxiousness of pretending melting away as the day goes on. But a small thought lingered at the back of your head; you wondered how things would turn out if you did act on your feelings then. Back then, you weren’t so sure if it was genuine affection that you felt towards Yeosang or just pure infatuation. But now that your friends had cleared up a few things and that you could think more maturely, you realized that maybe… maybe you really did like him.

More guests soon poured in and people started to usher you towards the seats. Before you could though, Yeosang stops you by the shoulder. “Save me a seat, please. I’ll just place the gift on the table.” 

“Don’t take too long.” You reply and head over to a seat near the front. You place your hat down on the chair to your right while your friend from earlier takes a seat on your left. You smile at her, linking your hand with hers and giving it a small squeeze. 

“Hey Bora.”

“Hey, ____. Where's the loverboy?” She nudged your shoulder.

“He’s just placing the gifts down.”

She hums in acknowledgment, nodding her head along. “Since you and Kang are like, a thing now— I’m assuming he’s told you about his crush on you?”

“Uh Yeah. I mean, that kind of led to why we’re together now.” You play along, not knowing that your friend was being serious. 

“That’s great. The guy’s been whipped for you for ages. I think since sophomore or junior year in high school? Hasn’t stopped thinking of you since.” Bora muses and crosses her arms over her chest, looking over to the groom who was taking his place at the front. 

You on the other hand was surprised to hear what she had said. It was written all over your face no matter how hard you tried. Your friend, ever observant, sees this and guffaws. “Wait, he's never told you?” 

“I, I mean I thought like, he liked me in college. I didn’t know it’s been that long.” You stutter.

She shakes her head in disbelief, chuckling softly. “Wow… you two are really hopeless huh…” She pats the back of your hand when she sees Yeosang approach. 

You look over your shoulder to see the blond slide into the seat you save him. “Thanks,” he tells you, briefly patting your knee. 

You could only nod and smile in response, still trying to process what your friend had abruptly told you. Butterflies filled your stomach at the thought that he had liked you for so long, but at the same time, you couldn’t help but berate yourself for being so oblivious to it. Had he even dropped hints before? Come to think of it, he probably has but you most likely brushed it off as a friendly act. 

You look up at Yeosang again, as if looking at him would help you bring your thoughts together. He surprises you when he turns to you, raising a brow curiously. Your cheeks flush out of embarrassment and look away, clearing your throat to play it off. You pick up an amused sort of huff from the man beside you and if you hadn’t turned away, you would’ve seen the blush spreading from his cheeks to his ears.

The music is light and upbeat as it plays throughout the wedding-reception area. Soft waves roll onto the shore, eliciting some giggles from the few children that were brought by their parents. The sun starts to set, painting the sky in warm hues of gold, orange, and lavender. And if you listen closely, you could hear the faint sounds of cicadas warming up. Guests enjoy the food being served to them while some hit the sandy dance floor. The newlyweds of the hour were going around and greeting their friends and family, making some small talk here and there before moving onto the next people. 

You had already exchanged pleasantries with them, the groom being delightfully surprised that it was Yeosang who was your plus one. The two weren’t close, but you could tell that they respected each other. As you wave goodbye to the couple, you turn to the blond with your signature dorky smile. 

“What?” He muses, taking your hand in his and rubbing the soft skin of your knuckles with his thumb. 

“Nothing,” You hum and sigh blissfully. 

“That doesn’t sound like ‘nothing.’” He gently nudged your shoulder. 

You sigh again and cross your arms over your chest. “It’s just me being all emotional and sappy.”

The music from the nearby stereo shifts into something slow but no less upbeat, perfect for just swaying to the beat. Your expression changes into something more optimistic and an idea crosses your head. You beam up at Yeosang and start skipping towards the dance floor, tugging along at his hand. 

Of course, he was reluctant at first. But after some coaxing and your signature puppy eyes, he caves in and joins you. He could feel his heart beat rapidly against his chest as he pulled you close, both arms slung around your waist. He was glad that you weren’t holding hands because the minute you put your arms around his shoulders, he felt his palms grow clammy. He was also thankful for the fact that you weren’t so flush against each other, or else you’d have surely felt the way his heart rate sped up at the proximity between you two. You felt the same, thinking carefully about how to play out your idea; that is, to ask him about how he felt for you then and to just come clean to him now.  

It was a bit silent and awkward for the first few notes of the song, the both of you avoiding each other’s gaze and shyly swaying to the melody. After a while though, you eventually settle into a more comfortable but quiet atmosphere; it was just two friends dancing together.

“So…” You start, shifting a little closer.

“So…” Yeosang parrots and holds you a little tighter. 

“Would you have a beach wedding if ever you’d get married?”

The blond gets a little thrown off from your question, not expecting that you’d ask that, but thinks of an answer anyway. He hums to himself, contemplating the answer. “Not really— but outdoor weddings don’t sound too bad.”

You simply nod in response and the both of you lapse into silence again. You think of asking another question but that would be skirting around the whole situation again. You could see your friends looking at the two of you fondly from the corner of your eye, giggling to themselves. You decide then and there that the best course of action was to be straightforward.

The song shifts into something a little slower, perfect for actual slow-dancing. You take a deep breath and look straight into Yeosang’s warm brown eyes. “I have something to tell you…” 

He stiffens a little at that, his heartbeat picking up once again. He readjusts his hold on you, nodding his head for you to continue. 

“So… a little bird told me about your crush on me since high school.” 

Yeosang’s eyes widened at that and his grip on you tightened. He looks away from you, staring down at his feet as a massive blush covers his face and ears. You couldn’t help but smile softly at that but you didn’t want to be an asshole and push him to explain himself. Instead you gently lift your hand to cup his cheek, making him look up at you with nervous eyes. 

He swallows down his anxiousness and reaches up to take your hand on his cheek. “Did Bora tell you this..?” He teases lightly, mostly to not make things so awkward again. 

You giggle and nod your head. He smiles a little, still a bit nervous but smiles nonetheless. A shaky sigh escapes him and he squeezes your hand, linking his fingers with yours. “...well, she’s not wrong,” He whispers. 

This wasn’t the way he wanted to tell you about how he felt about you but it was now or never— especially since the secret was out in the open. 

“______, it’s probably selfish of me to say but, I still like you. Like, really like you. That was why I said no when you asked me to come with me as your ‘date’ here to the wedding, because I just didn’t want to pretend. I wanted us to be the real thing. I wanted to embrace you without thinking it’s too weird or kiss you without things being awkward for us after.” 

Yeosang takes a deep breath and meets your gaze firmly. “I wanted to tell you that I loved you without feeling hopeless after.” 

You were stunned into silence at his confession, not expecting him to put out all his feelings like that. You blink slowly and try to process his words. Yeosang must have interpreted your silence as some form of rejection and he starts to let go of you, but you instinctively gripped him and pulled him closer before he could.

He looks down at you and you see the vulnerability behind his gaze. You, on the other hand, soften yours. “First of all, I want to apologize for how selfish of me it was to ask you to come as a fake date,” you say, eliciting an amused snort from the other. “Second of all… I’m… thank you for telling me this. It makes it a lot easier.”

“Easier for what..?”

“You know how back then when we messed around and stuff? I did actually like you too but… I wasn’t brave enough to tell you then and just fell back to what we had.” You bring his hand up to your lips and lay a gentle kiss on his knuckles. “But now that we’ve come clean to each other, it makes it easier for me to tell you that I like you too.”

Yeosang breaks into a smile at that, relief crashing down on him. He couldn’t help himself when he brushes some stray hair away from your flushed face, eyes flitting to your lips. His palm was warm against your skin and you leaned into his touch, closing whatever space was left between you two. Yeosang’s thumb runs over your lip, several thoughts running through his head, one of them is how your lips would feel like against his.

“Can I kiss you..?” He whispers. You nod, already gravitating towards him. 

Yeosang leans in, both hands cupping at your cheek, and you meet him halfway. The kiss didn’t feel like butterflies or fireworks. It was more like a wall finally being torn down after several years of helpless pining and lingering glances at one another. You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, pleasant butterflies tickling your stomach. Yeosang does the same and eventually leads to you two bumping against each other's teeth.

“Ow—“ You pull away laughing. 

“Sorry about that,” He kisses your nose and leans his forehead against yours. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll live.” You hum. 

You two had eventually pulled away from each other and headed back to your table where your friend group was waiting. They cheered at the both of you, joking about how you two were trying to steal the romantic spotlight from the newlyweds, which led to some banter and teasing. You two didn’t mind though, it actually felt kind of nice. 

The night goes on and the wedding comes to a close. The newlyweds still had an after-wedding party at a nearby club for the legal-aged guests, but you and Yeosang decided to pass on that, congratulating them once again before heading back to the car, ready to end the day. 

As you and Yeosang walk along the sand, the moon hovering in the dark sky and the night breeze tickling your skin, you couldn’t help but smile. You squeeze Yeosang’s hand and looped your arm with his, leaning your head against his shoulder. He kisses your temple and whispers sweet nothings into your hair.

Who would’ve thought that a wedding invitation and a fake date ploy was what you two needed to get together? It’s a silly kind of story to tell to others, eventually, you’d have to come clean to the others, but it was no less special. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

[maybankiara]

PHONE SWAP (DREW STARKEY)

10: BAD DAY, HUH?

summary: Addie Mallory is just your average economics student when she meets Drew Starkey at her local Target in Atlanta. This is where the story is supposed to end – a short meeting and a picture to go – except Drew accidentally leaves with the wrong phone, and the story begins, instead.

w/c: 3k

a/n: ah. the bittersweet taste of our own flaws. -- probably addie in this chapter tbh. basically marianne being very british and making addie Question Everything, as best friends do

read on wattpad

previous part | series masterlist

Virgin Mary | 3:47pm so the gang is planning a night out this week, you free saturday?

Me | 5:07pm why this saturday? Me | 5:07pm is it someone’s birthday?? Me | 5:07pm pls say no

Virgin Mary | 5:08pm Tom’s is in two weeks and you better not forget that

Me | 5:08pm ffs marianne i won’t

Virgin Mary | 5:09pm you better not bitch I need your help with the present Virgin Mary | 5:09pm can’t give my boy anything less than perfection

Me | 5:10pm wow what a way to not put pressure in your about-to-burst-from-stress friend

Virgin Mary | 5:11pm you mean my overdramatic friend? Virgin Mary | 5:11pm get your hole and you’ll be fine

Me | 5:11pm MARIANNE

Virgin Mary | 5:12pm BITCH WHAT Virgin Mary | 5:12pm you need to shag Virgin Mary | 5:12pm when’s the last time you got your hole

Me | 5:13pm I’m busy okay i don’t want a boyfriend rn

Virgin Mary | 5:14pm so that’s totally why I’ve been hearing about Holden for the past three months 👀

Me | 5:15pm you do realise we work at the same place right Me | 5:15pm i can’t just hook up with a guy i have to see every day for at least 8 hours

Virgin Mary | 5:16pm fucking hell you’re a tuff nut

Me | 5:17pm go make me some tea pls Me | 5:17pm I’m home in 20 and I’ve got some late emails

Virgin Mary | 5:17pm whatever bitch Virgin Mary | 5:18pm you’re a freaking workaholic Virgin Mary | 5:18pm shag Holden

Me | 5:19pm shut up Me | 5:19pm ur blocked ❤

Virgin Mary | 5:20pm so are you free on saturday or not? Virgin Mary | 5:33pm ur cancelled❤

◇

The music coming from their apartment is loud enough that Addie hears it as she walks up the staircase. She can’t distinguish the song, but the beat’s there, and she’s either imagining Marianne singing along, or it’s actually happening. One is just as likely as the other. 

  It gets louder when Addie walks through the door, and she figures it’s safe to assume it’s her friend rather than her imagination. The door closes behind her, sound swallowed by whatever rock song Marianne is blasting through the speaker – this is what Addie is used to. 

  She leaves her purse on the drawer at the side of the hallway, one that’s filled with trinkets they’ve got nowhere else to put, and she hangs the raincoat right next to it. Her shoes are the next to come off – the loss of the three inches that the burgundy platforms come with comes as soon as she steps out of them. Her feet are grounding her on the floor, now, and a moment’s break is all she gives herself. It’s peace after a tedious day of relentless work; it’s the calm from the scent of cinnamon candles, Earl Grey tea, and the dish Marianne is making that smells very Italian – this feels like home. 

  Addie makes her way to the kitchen. Her roommate is singing her heart out to music coming from the speaker on the round table, stirring whatever’s in the pot in front of her. Marianne doesn’t notice her come in, so Addie walks over to the speaker and tunes it down, low enough for them to talk. 

  ‘Honey, I’m home!’ 

  Marianne turns around with a big smile on her face. Her ginger hair is pulled into a high ponytail, loose from what Addie assumes must’ve been a kitchen concert. This is paired with sweats and a loose crop top, and Marianne’s demeanour is enough to tell her she’s ready to tackle the weekend ahead of them. 

  ‘Honey, welcome home’’ She points behind Addie. ‘There’s your tea. I’m making lasagna and it’ll be ready in about half an hour.’

  ‘Shit, I've actually been craving that today.'

  The girl goes back to stirring the pot, swaying her hips to the tune of the music. ‘Sixth sense, Addie. Bruce Willis had it right.’

  ‘I told you that movie creeps me out!’

  ‘It’s a masterpiece and you’re a pussy.’

  Instead of a reply, Addie huffs with an eye roll, taking a sip from the cup. It’s midnight blue with a quote from one of the books Marianne likes, imported straight from the British Isles. The colour is faded on the holding part of the mug, but it remains the girl’s favourite mug despite a variety of prettier, newer mugs she’s acquired over the time. 

  Marianne is simple. She’s got things she loves and doesn’t stray from that. 

  They chat for a bit, Marianne preparing the lasagna to go into the oven and Addie drinking her tea. Addie learns that the firm Marianne is interning for has gotten a new project for a family home on the outskirts of Atlanta and the interns are being allowed to try out their hand at designing it, and the firm will end up critiquing their work and possibly giving one of them the chance to have their design turned into reality. 

  It’s an exciting thing – the most Marianne has gotten in the past three months of working there. 

  The lasagna is put into the oven and Addie announces her shower time, and promises Marianne she better tell her about her day after she scrubbed off all that reminds her of the office. Taking her contact lenses out and getting into the shower after a long day is the one feeling Addie cherishes more than just the arrival home in itself. Her showers are long, with steam rising and fogging up the blurred glass sides of the shower and the mirror in the bathroom. 

  When she gets out of the bathroom, she’s wearing an outfit that mirrors her roommate’s. Her hair’s wet and wrapped into an old T-shirt, basking in a curl-defining product she got the other day. She’s got a facemask on, too, and Marianne sighs at the sight of it. 

  ‘Bad day, huh?’

  Addie walks up to the counter beside the oven, taking out some cutlery and begins to set the table. ‘I envy you. All your bosses are so self-absorbed that they don’t even notice you guys. Mine are self-absorbed and narcissistic, so we get all the work nobody can be fucked with.’

  Marianne taps on the table with the fork she’s just been given. ‘No swearing, missy.’

  The brunette raises an eyebrow, trying to figure out if her roommate is joking. Then she remembers her resolution from a few days ago -- “I will swear less because I’m not a fucking sailor.” “That’s a quarter in the jar, Miss.”

  ‘Whatever,’ mutters Addie. She places the last of the dishes on the table and plops into the chair across from her roommate, resting her head in her hands. ‘I’m so tired of Harrington. The divorce isn’t going well because his ex has actually got a brain, which he hadn’t anticipated, and now he’s literally just throwing the worst shit at us. And to complete it, Patty is just being her regular cruel self.’

  ‘That’s horrible.’ Marianne scrunches her nose. ‘That’s also three quarters now.’

  ‘I’m allowed to say shit!’

  ‘Well, you’re the one who decided to swear less.’

  ‘Saying shit isn’t swearing. It’s basically a normal word.’

  The look Marianne gives her is full of friendly scorn. Addie sighs and fishes three quarters out of her wallet that’s on the table—she can’t believe saying “shit” alone cost her two quarters—and throws them into the jar that's on the part of the table closest to the wall. There’s hardly anything in it, but Addie reckons that’s more because of the fact that she’s hardly both home and awake anymore, as opposed to her not swearing a lot. 

  Marianne walks over to the oven, checking the lasagna. She pulls the door open and hot air fills the small space, alongside the smell of a beautifully done Italian dish – or Addie is just really hungry. 

  ‘Patty made Holden and I work on a budget plan for some Grubson’s subdivision upstate. We did budgeting. He majored in finance and I majored in economics and we’re doing damn accounting.’

  ‘You’re interning for a law firm,’ notes Marianne, putting oven mittens on. ‘You shouldn’t expect to do exactly what you want to do.’

  Addie’s lip curls into a bitter grin. Her friend is right, and she knows it and she hates that this is what her career has come to -- wasting her actual talents because the industry is shitty as it is. She’s got to put in triple the effort her white male colleagues do, and even then, her brilliance is hardly registered. 

  The lasagna is on the table. Marianne gives each of them a piece and Addie fills their glasses with some Coca Cola-ripoff they got at Tesco. The music from the speaker changes to something more dinner-appropriate. 

  ‘This looks delicious, Marianne.’

  ‘It better be. Took me nearly three damn hours.’

  Both girls blow on their slice before taking it, and both of them still end up having to half-blow through the food while it’s in their mouths, bursting into laughter as they watch one another struggle. 

  ‘I don’t know what’s your excuse,’ says Addie, having finally swallowed the piece, ‘but mine is that I’m absolutely starving.’

  Marianne pretends to chuck some food at her. ‘My excuse is that I invested a lot of time in this.’

  ‘Fair. It’s amazing.’

  At this, the girl beams with happiness, and Addie can’t hold back a smile even as she struggles through the heat of another piece, her stomach grumbling. 

  ‘Anyway, it’s shit. It got so bad today that I ended up spending nearly all of my time with Holden— No, hush, I’m not having it— Seriously, Marianne, we’re literally work colleagues!’ Addie sighs in exasperation, one finger raised in the last effort at getting her friend to stop nagging her about her colleague. 

  Marianne pouts, then gives away an innocent shrug. ‘All I’m saying is that there’s something there.’

  All Addie can do is roll her eyes and focus on the plate in front of her. Her fork pierces through the lasagna with a little too much force than warranted, and the brunette concludes that’s enough to show how irritated Marianne got her.

  Despite her hardest attempts at denying it, Marianne’s kind of got a point. Addie’s been at the internship for over three months now and it’s not like she has gotten close with anyone – at least, not enough to call them friends. Her career and education have always taken the priority over friends and temporary relationships, and it’s never hurt her in any way. Sure, she might’ve been lonely from time to time, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t end up with great friends, regardless. 

  With the internship and a Master’s degree to work on, Addie doesn’t really have time for personal connections that won’t last. 

  Addie shakes the thought out of her head. The lasagna bit is steaming in her mouth and Marianne rolls her eyes, but it eases the tension between the two. 

  ‘There’s nothing between us, Marianne,’ says Addie, once her mouth isn’t burning anymore. ‘We’re a good team. Patty and Harrington noticed that we get more done than any other teams.’

  ‘So there’s work chemistry. You don’t have that with just about every other person, Addie. Especially not you.’

  Especially not Addie, who likes to have her work done at specific times of the day, filing it in a specific way, handling her responsibility like a drop of water. Again, Marianne’s got a point. 

  ‘Plus, he’s pretty good looking.’

  The memory of showing Marianne pictures of Holden makes her chuckle. ‘You flipped out. I was scared for Tom.’

  ‘Please,’ scoffs Marianne, waving her hand. ‘There’s no one better than Tom. But after I spent a whole month listening to how well you’re getting on with this Holden guy, how much better it’s to work with him than other people, how much he’s helped you join the group… How else was I supposed to react when I found out that he’s a hot piece of blonde-hair blue-eyes?’

  ‘I just…’ Addie’s fork moves some of the lasagna around the plate. ‘I don’t know. I didn’t want you to think he’s hot.’

  Marianne huffs. ‘All I’m saying is, don’t write him off.’

  ‘I’m not writing him off. I just don’t have the time to focus on anything romantic right now.’

  ‘That’s bullshit and you know it.’ Marianne finishes the last of her slice and puts her fork down, leaning back in the chair. ‘Addie, you’re the most organised person I know. You never have a problem making it to any of the things our group organises, so why do you always say you don’t have time to hang out with people from work?’

  For a few moments, the only sounds in the kitchen/dining area are whatever’s coming out of the speaker, Addie’s work scratching the bottom of the plate, and her chewing. 

  She knows Marianne’s got a point, again. It’s starting to annoy her.

  ‘Things are good the way they are,’ she finally says, the admission heavy across her lips. ‘I get closer to any of them, it’ll become more difficult to point out what they’ve done wrong, or do my own work if I want to know about their day. It’s already difficult enough with Holden, and we’re just friends.’

  ‘That’s different. You want to shag him.’

  ‘I don’t—’

  ‘Are you seriously trying to deny the fact that you’re attracted to someone who looks like a damn nineties movie star?’

  Addie grunts, burying her face in her hands. ‘Fine. He’s hot.’

  There’s a pregnant pause and when she finally dares look at Marianne, the girl has a tired smile on her face. She knows this look -- a combination of I told you so and I could be your therapist, you don’t need to pay for one. 

  ‘What.’

  Marianne taps her hand, her smile widening. ‘I know your career means a lot to you, but you’ve got to loosen up. You’re going to burn out.’

  ‘Everybody burns out.’

  ‘Yeah, but you’re gonna do it at, like, thirty.’

  Not dignifying this with a response, Addie rises to her feet, taking her plate and Marianne’s, then stacks the cutlery on top. She’s acutely aware of Marianne waiting for a reaction, even if she doesn’t want to give her one. Instead, she gets to washing the dishes. Running water drowns out the tension easily enough for it to slip into the back of her mind.

  She hears Marianne’s chair let out a squeak a moment later. Her ginger hair appears in the corner of Addie’s eye, and she sees her put the uneaten half of the lasagna into the fridge, wrapped up in aluminium foil. When finished, Marianne rests against the counter with the small of her back.

  Neither of the girls says anything. Addie is trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach that’s trying to convince her Marianne is right.

  She sets the washes dishes aside, letting them air dry on the dish rack.

  ‘All I meant was that you could go out with them, for a change, not turn your life upside down,’ says Marianne. ‘Just think about it.’

  Addie presses her lips together. ‘Okay. I’ll think about it.’

  ‘Great! Anyway, you need to come out with us on Saturday. Leanne spent fifteen minutes of our coffee date today just freaking out over the fact that you met Drew Starkey.’ A beat. ‘She binged Outer Banks yesterday.’

  ‘I can’t believe my life is finally interesting to you guys.’ Addie puts away the last of the dishes and wipes her hands with a kitchen towel, smiling. ‘All it took was meeting an actor.’

  Marianne pushes herself up on the counter, grinning like a fox. ‘It’s not just that you met him, Addie. It’s been three months and you still talk.’

  ‘Not really. We haven’t talked in’—she counts the days in her head—‘about two weeks.’

  ‘Oh, so you haven’t talked since he read your essay and shared it to his hundreds of thousands of followers and said how much he liked it?’

  ‘Nope.’

  The sigh Marianne lets out is pure exasperation. Addie walks out of the kitchen and the girl follows suit, bringing the speaker along. Both of them plop on the couch as they usually do for half an hour after dinner, before going each to their own studying sessions. Deciding to room with Marianne, who’s currently also doing an internship and a Master’s degree (in architecture), was one of the best decisions Addie has ever made.

  Except for the times when Marianne is awfully nosy for a Brit – must be the French part of her.

  With her legs criss-crossed and an arm draped over the back of the couch, Marianne is in her element. ‘That is not your average celebrity interaction.’

  ‘I know.’

  ‘So you’re telling me you’re not trying to get on that?’

  ‘On what?’ asks Addie, feeling her irritation levels steadily rising again. ‘Jesus, Marianne. I’m not trying to get with every guy who’s good-looking and nice to me. We share some opinions on social media and whatnot, he agreed with them. It’s not that big of a deal.’

  ‘So you’re saying you wouldn’t shag him if you had the chance?’

  Addie looks away. Her cheeks are hot and body is on fire, and she’s had more than enough of Marianne’s attitude today, and that’s on top of already having had a pretty fucking shitty day in the first place.

  ‘You can’t be ser—’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’

  She grabs her phone and, absentmindedly, checks her Instagram notifications – none. The feeling in her stomach intensifies and she opens up her work group chat instead, and curses herself for hoping that maybe there’d be a specific person in her messages.

  Maybe Marianne isn’t that far off.

◇

11: WELCOME TO MY LIFE

tagging. @jjmaybanksbaby​​​​ @taiter-tots​​​​ @sacredto​​​​ @snkkat​​​​ @drewswannabegirl​​​​ @yeslifeofateen​​​​ @rudypnkw​​​​ @stfukie​​​​ @x-lulu​​​​ @sacredto​​​​ @drewstarkey​​​​ @butgilinsky​​​​ @solllaris​​​​ @hyperactive2411​​​​ @chasefreakinstokes​​​​ @surferkie​​​​ @jroseron​​​​ @k-k0129​​​​ @starlightstories​​

[sstrongstyle]

𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐛𝐲 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: Adam Cole x OC, mentions of Seth Rollins x OC 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: After nearly a decade of being the golden girl of WWE, Adaline Marin wants out. Their ring was no longer home, haunted by her first love and upon reaching her thirties, the face behind "Aspen Glory" wonders if the passion she once had was still ablaze. Instead, she gets sent down to NXT to join the Undisputed Era. The next three hundred and sixty-five days, all captured by cameras for the history books, become a year of revival, reinvention, and realization with her legacy at stake and a new flame from the past emerging. 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: All characters are referred to by their real life names (for the most part)

CHAPTER TWO.

June 7th, 2019

There was always something about Florida that Adaline hated. It reminded her of her days stuck down in developmental, rotting away in that ugly FCW warehouse with a princess gimmick that got her nowhere. Realizing that this was her new home, as one of the currently most decorated talent in WWE's women's division, was like a punch to the gut. It wasn't supposed to be a downgrade, considering the heights that NXT had reached in recent times, but it sure as hell felt like that. Passing by new, unknown faces in the Performance Centre, who gawked at her veteran presence, made it feel like that. Young female talent coming up to her and telling her how much of an inspiration she was to them starting their careers felt like that.

"Yeah, it hurts a bit, but you have to look at the bigger picture." Mattias was the first one to welcome Adaline to NXT with open arms. "It's a fresh start and in all honesty, I trust the suits down here more than the suits up on top." Earlier in the day, he decided to play tour guide and show her around the main backstage area of the Full Sail taping location.

Adaline rolled her eyes. "They all suck." She tried her best to hide her disdain from day one, but being around Matt allowed her to let her guard down. He, of course, went through the same thing when Tyler Breeze was sent packing back to Winter Park after years on the main roster. However, she didn't expect such a twinkling look in his eyes, a hint of happiness in them, considering he was fresh off Takeover XXV on a title match.

Every NXT alumni spoke so fondly of their time down in the black and gold brand. Maybe a part of her always wondered what it would have been like to stay in Florida a little longer in 2012, instead of taking a cannonball into the formation of The Shield. It seemed like Adaline no longer had to wonder on what could've been.

Nothing felt right. She was wearing a stuffy formal outfit, or as close to formal as Adaline Marin could get. Wide legged dress pants and a strappy crop top, if Adaline wasn't going to pay her respects to Vincent Kennedy McMahon himself, there was no way she was going to force herself into anything "professional." In a way, it was almost her method of showing Hunter just how pissed off she was.

She was three months removed from main eventing Wrestlemania and out of nowhere, she's down at the PC with kids who don't know how to perform a suplex.

"Listen, you may be a little pissed off—" was the first thing that left his mouth and Adaline couldn't help but snort.

The last stop on Matt's tour was Hunter's office, where Adaline was schedule for an early morning meeting with him. It was about nine o'clock and she had barely escaped running into any of the other talent. Her debut was supposed to be kept under wraps and while it didn't hurt for a few people on the roster to learn about it, Adaline herself didn't want it to be spread around so soon.

Hunter gave her a pointed look. "We have big plans for you here."

"I sure hope so, because so did a certain other company." The shit eating grin on Adaline's face was more than a little disrespectful, but he wasn't even fazed. Her statement was nothing less than the truth. It was inevitable that other promotions came knocking on her door and had been planning to do so, as the expiry date of her time with WWE had been on the mind of many for months leading up to it.

"You won't regret re-signing, Adaline," he said, choosing to ignore her statement.

Adaline wanted to believe that she wasn't making a mistake, but after months off television and headaches surrounding her contract negotiations, a part of her thinks that she simply re-signed out of annoyance. They saw how well she did when she left for two years and they were afraid that Adaline was going to go and do the same with the three letter A named company looming over their nightmares. WWE was persistent and they promised her everything she wanted and more—only, she wasn't told that it was going to be at Full Sail University.

She forced herself to smile a bit. "Why so?" Adaline was hoping that she would find out what the meeting was for, sooner rather than later. After all, she'd yet to receive word of anything from the creative team and it felt like she was completely in the dark.

A soft whine indicated that Hunter's door was being creaked open. His eyes brightened at the new presence and the corner of his lips twitched upwards. Hunter then turned back to Adaline.

"This is why."

Slowly rotating her body, she raised an eyebrow at the sight. The four members of The Undisputed Era. Austin, Kyle, Bobby, and Christopher. None of them seemed to expect her either, as they stared back in confusion. It took Adaline a moment to put two and two together and when she did, the wind was knocked right out of her.

Nobody could argue with the facts: The Undisputed Era was one of the best things to come out of NXT in recent times. That was definitely saying something, considering the immense talent rumbling at the core of the brand and the stars that have shone after walking away from the shadows of Full Sail. But, that was the thing. Adaline wanted nothing to do with it or NXT. Her own words echoed in her head, what she had relayed to Trinity following her contract negotiations and hearing of the plans they had for her.

"I'm not some young upstart. My career isn't hanging on by a thread, scraping by for a second chance. I didn't just claw out of the indies, looking to prove myself under the bright lights. I've been here, Trin, and I don't need NXT. They surely don't need me."

This was also what she had sent Hunter over email, which he promptly ignored and instead sent her schedule for the week. He intentionally left out anything from the creative team and the upcoming plans for the taping. Looking at the mischievous glint in the King of King's eyes, Adaline realized why.

The first person to greet her was Kyle, whose lips immediately stretched out into a wide grin. "Addie!" He stepped forward and scooped her up from her seat into a bear hug.

For a moment, all of the irritation in Adaline's body washed away and she even let the giggle bubbling at the base of her throat escape. It'd been so long since she'd seen Kyle's goofy smile and his ginger hair. An old friend that she hadn't seen in a long time, even if they both technically worked under the same company. He was like unexpected sunshine after a week of clouds and her heart was wide open for it.

A second body joined Kyle's embrace and she didn't have to look up to know that it was Christopher.

Christopher had been in Adaline's life from very beginning. He was the one that yelled at her the loudest when she was a rookie at the ROH Dojo. When Colby couldn't join her on the west coast, Chris was her road buddy to every PWG show. He hosted her goodbye party when she signed with FCW in 2011 and kept in touch with her up until he finally joined WWE years later.

"No. Way." Christopher started, eyes wide.

She pulled away from the hug and proceeded to walk over to the other two members of Undisputed. Adaline politely greeted Bobby, pulling him into a quick hug. The two weren't as well acquainted, as their paths only briefly crossed in between Adaline leaving WWE and Bobby entering it. He was always nice to her, though, and she only ever heard good things about him through their many mutual friends. The world of wrestling was small and the same social circle ran throughout, no matter the promotion or country.

Then, there was Austin.

She always thought that his smile lit up an entire room, the way his eyes turned up to project nothing but pure angelic energy. He was dressed casually, in basketball shorts and a zip up—as the rest of the group was, it seemed like they had just arrived to the Full Sail arena—but, he made it look too good. Long hair pulled into a bun, so that his clear blue eyes were on full display. Austin was another man that Adaline shared many mutual friends with and their careers had surely intertwined countless of times on different wrestling promotion cards.

That was all Austin was supposed to be, until Japan happened. Very few words were exchanged between the two ever since, even after Austin's explosive Brooklyn debut in 2017 and Adaline's return six months later at the Rumble. They didn't talk unless they needed to, like when they awkwardly exchanged pleasantries at the last company Christmas party.

She nearly forgot about Hunter, who was pleased with what he was seeing. He leaned back into his leather chair, hands clasped together.

He said, "I'm guessing that we're all acquainted with Adaline?"

"Who isn't?" Kyle answered, with a small smirk playing on his face and a side eye towards Austin. The statement held more weight than what was at the surface and Adaline caught on to it, sending him a glare. Someone knew about their history.

Austin cleared his throat. "Hey," he finally greeted her, though his eyes shifted elsewhere, as if he wanted to be anywhere in the world except for that office.

She felt the exact same, but she managed to force a soft small. Keep it professional, realize where they were and why they were there. Her focus shifted to that and her anger towards NXT settled, even just for the slightest amount.

Interrupting them, Hunter grinned. "Good. Because she will be your fifth member of the Undisputed Era."

Adaline had obviously seen that one coming, but hearing it out loud, letting the actual words hit her, felt like she was being drowned. The boys, however, didn't seem to have a clue as to why they were being called in to the big boss man's office. Excitement flashed upon their faces, with the exception of Austin's shocked expression. Eyebrows raised, he contrasted greatly with Kyle's whooping and fist pumping in the air.

"No way," Bobby said, laughing in disbelief.

"Starting this week, Aspen Glory is a member of the NXT roster," Hunter began to explain. "We have very big plans for you five, a definite future in the title picture. We want the WWE Universe to take UE seriously and that starts with gold hanging off of all of your shoulders. What's a bigger statement than all of you dominating each of the title scenes?"

For the first time since the ink dried on her brand new contract, Adaline wanted to feel excited. However, she could feel Austin's looming presence behind her and it equipped her with an uneasy anchor in her stomach, along with the restlessness already settled down there. "You're putting titles on all of us?" Adaline managed to distract herself, sputtering out what she thought she had heard from Hunter.

"That's the plan—" The way all of the four men before Adaline crumbled into complete happiness made her heart wrench. "—for now. Nothing is certain here, but everyone has high hopes."

"Nothing is certain, huh?" Adaline mumbled under her breath, but no one heard her.

Hunter looked at her. "Hey, Marin?" he said. "We didn't fight for you for no reason. You weren't on the main event at Mania for no reason. That also means that you're not here for no reason."

Eventually, the five were excused from Hunter's office, leaving them to face each other outside in the hallway. Kyle was basically bouncing off the walls, Chris grinning from ear to ear, a fired up energy radiating off of Bobby, and Austin. . .well, he didn't look as upset as Adaline would have expected from him. She on the other hand, didn't know how to feel. She was with some of her closest friends in the world and she was just essentially promised a title run. But, being apart of a stable again? Being with Austin?

"Lunch on me, tomorrow. There's no other way to welcome Addie to Undisputed," Christopher announced.

Austin cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah, we have to go film some stuff for the Network now." He checked the time on his phone.

If this was how the next months, year, whatever it was going to be, were going to go with Austin, Adaline was sure she was going to end up smashing a steel chair against her head.

"Right. I have another meeting to get to, so. . ." she bit her lip, looking at her shoes.

Bobby grinned. "You're getting added to the official Undisputed group chat."

"She's gonna get sick of your dad memes, man," Kyle remarked, causing the entire group to chuckle.

They began walking together, out into another corridor. The atmosphere wasn't awkward and the tension was slightly alleviated.

"You settled down in the city, yet? I can't believe you didn't say anything," Christopher said, arms crossed.

"Not really, I was planning to do the rest of my packing today," she replied. "I was told to stay quiet about it. And, honestly, it hasn't really sunk in yet." This was said, as she passed by an enormous NXT banner hanging from the top of a doorframe and her eyes remained fixated on it.

Bobby said, "Then, tomorrow's a good day to catch up, since today's so busy. We'll probably get the scripts for the taping by then, too, so we can work stuff out and bounce around some ideas."

They all stopped at the end of the hallway, with Adaline and the men about to go their separate ways.

Adaline opened her mouth, unsure of what to say for a moment, before she pressed her lips together in a smile. "I know a lot of stuff has been going around about me and what I want." There was no way she was going to let the boys think that she didn't want to be with them, but it was inevitable with how high-profiled her negotiations had been and the heat she'd gotten backstage for complaining about being taken off TV. "But, in all honesty, I'm excited for this. I didn't expect it, but I know that it's only going to go uphill from here." She let it slowly spill out, unsure of how to word her thoughts. Her qualms with NXT were still present, but she didn't want it to bring down her new group.

"Hey, I'd be pissed if I were you, too, Ms. Main Event," Austin piped up and she was taken aback by it, not expecting him to talk any more than he had to. "But, you'll like this place. Trust me."

"We'll make sure of it," Christopher nudged her.

The five exchanged their goodbyes for the day, promising to stay in contact and that lunch details would be forwarded to Adaline. She felt a little bad, wondering if her addition to the group threw off any creative plans they had in mind, but they seemed open enough to having her join. She watched them begin to walk away and she, too, turned around.

The day had only begun and it already felt like a whirlwind. There were still dozens of boxes waiting for her to be unpacked in her new Orlando home and she groaned at the thought. Adaline just had to get through one more meeting and she could escape Full Sail, where there were already roster members beginning to arrive to film content for tomorrow's tapings. She wanted to flop onto her bed, the only thing she had set up, because tomorrow was a full day with a trip to the back to the PC and getting settled with the guys. She wished she had someone to help her, but even Trinity in Pensacola was hours away.

That's when it begun to sink in. Adaline was completely alone. Sure, she had friends living in the area, but they were constantly scattered all over the country for RAW and Smackdown loops. The only familiar faces were Matt and Curtis, along with some other friends that she had yet to see, but they weren't family in the sense that some of her other friends were. That's who they became when Adaline exhausted herself, immersed in road life for the past decade.

"Uh, Adaline?"

She spun around, surprised once again by Austin, as he jogged towards her. The rest of the group was gone and he returned on his own. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Listen, I know we didn't really leave on the best foot in Japan and it's messed things up ever since I got here." Austin scratched the back of his neck. "But, since you're kind of stuck with me for who knows how long, it's probably best that we bury everything. For everything that happened, I'm sorry. Are we good?"

Adaline's eyes were wide. "Really?" She couldn't believe that stubborn Austin, the guy who never really was mature enough to own his mistakes out loud, went out of his way to clear the air. He would be the type of guy to beat around the bush or make up for things through his actions, but to apologize out loud?

"Really." He smiled, eyes turning up in the way that Adaline once fell for. That thought got stuck in her throat and she almost wanted to cry, but she blinked the emotions away hard enough. "You got us, Marin. It's been tough for you the past while, but the boys and I got your back."

Then, she began to realize that, maybe, she wasn't all alone. She didn't have to be unless she let herself. Adaline froze for a moment, before sticking out her hand. Austin, with a pleased expression on his face, took it and shook it gently, warmth radiating off of him.

"We're good."

[tulipanisk]

The MBTI types as people I know (from an infj perspective)

This is based on the few people I've met in real life with these personality types. I haven't met all types so maybe yours isn't here.

INFP: So quiet. Works as a cashier with me in a grocery store. Says every "hi", "do you need a bag" etc like she has practiced in front of the mirror. Is super afraid to be left out of conversations. Asks "what are you laughing about", "what are you talking about", "what happened" all the time. Seems serious, but it's probably because she takes her role as a cashier pretty seriously, because it has to be perfect. Would hate herself if a customer was mean to her, but wouldn't tell anyone. Often says "I don't know" and is never mean. Instantly smiles when I smile. Likes to build on my weird thoughts, but it's hard to read her actual opinion on things.

ESTP: Leader of a youth organization for atheists. Loves ranting about politics. Has a strong opinion on every matter, but has no opinion when it comes to taking peoples feelings into conversation, other than what he knows is morally correct and practical. Accidentally uses master suppression techniques to win arguments. Regrets being to harsh when he accidentally hurt someone, and awkwardly tries to apologize. Has a partner who he listens to before anyone else. Loves emo punk, computer games and discussing existential, social and political issues. Reacted to his personality type by saying "I guess I'm ESTP" *sighs* as if any answer would have been a disapointment. Oftentimes asks the questions we needed to hear, like "so if this is the case, then what are we even discussing here, this is a meaningless conversation, isn't it?". Very practical. Very nice. Wishes everyone well.

ISFP: Friend of enfp. Is obsessed with this one thing, MMA. She sees everyone as competition and wants to prove them wrong. Wants to go against the big and though guys and be respected equally. Pushes people away, then says she didn't initially like them, but instantly takes them into their life again when they take initiative at all. Is a real soft girl, but pretends to be emotionless. Rants about how stupid this one guy she met at the store was. Is very spontaneous. Goes on dates with the most handsome people, because she actually takes initiative and comes off as confident. But analyses people because "what if they don't actually like her". Has a beautiful smile and everyone listens to what she says. Good story teller and manages to get people on board with her opinions quite easily. Comes off as super extroverted, but is really in her own head, likes being alone and secretly seeks intimacy

ESTJ: Person 1, a guy. He talks before thinking. Oftentimes seen as a big jerk and doesn't mind saying things like it is. Is very traditional when it comes to certain things. Doesn't know how to cope with my feelings, and might say "seems like you have a bunch of problems man", instead of saying something that helps. Potentially saying "at least you have this and that" or "people are dying". Listens to ABBA, loves cars and cats. Has never been in a relationship because he is afraid people judge him like he judges people. Will scream at you if he finds you anoying, a hypocrite or stupid. Doesn't care. Wants to care about politics, but hates all the parties. Loves my hugs but won't ever take the initiative for them. Very practical, knows how to fix everything. Could build Ikea furniture without looking at the manual. Asks me for advice he doesn't take. Jumps to conclusions. Beliefs me as if I'm God, and will hand me his phone to answer messages more emphatically if he really likes someone, so that he doesn't come off mean. Likes to annoy me because I react to it, then smiles after and make me smile to. Beautiful smile. Never talks about emotions, but has a lot when I ask him about it. Has no time for bullshit. We actually fit together, despite the stereotype that infj and estj dont have anything in common. I see it as we can learn from each other. Person 2: Has been through a lot of family issues and sick people. Listens to rap and ironically terrible music. Once went up to her boyfriend at work and yelled at him in front of all the customers because life is more exciting that way. Very fashionable, yet comfortable. Is her own mom figure. Does her chores. Will tell you to snap out of it if you're too emotional, which I need sometimes. Mom friend. Sits with the older people.

ENFP: Person 1, my roommate and boyfriend for four years. Has so much positive energy. Laughs away his insecurities. *Smirks, looks to the side, huge hand gestures and body movements without context*. Over explains everything. Everyone considers him a close friend, yet he doesn't concider anyone a close friend because "they don't know the real him, only the fasade". Insists on keeping it that way, because he knows people like that version of him. Wants to be liked by everyone, and thinks "challenge accepted" when someone doesn't instantly like him. Has really bad or dark humor. Listens to super creepy and intense music to feel something. Talks a lot, thinks a lot, knows a lot about things nobody should know about, remembers practical facts, but doesn't remember to lock the door. Oftentimes has to edit what he says as it comes out weird and people take it literally. Gets easily distracted, especially if there's animals nearby. Can't multitask. Loves children. Person 2: Never sleeps, forgets to eat but loves food, has plans every day. Has 689 friends who she actually hangs out with. Laughs constantly. Is not afraid to meet new people and instantly befriends them. Loves music, especially classical and orchestra. Plays the French horn. Very very patient. Colors her hair, cuts it short, cuts it off, grows it out, burns it. Doesn't want to hurt anyone. When she gets mad she gets real mad. Person 3: Makes music. Talks about it's so passionately. Cried when his favorite band died and everyone listened. Didn't talk to girls before he started high school. Very good at imitations. Has a lot of projects and dreams that he actually tries achieving. Talks so much, but only has introverted friends. (I know so many enfps, I'm not gonna write about them all).

ISFJ: My actual mom. Does everyone's chores. When she gets help with the chores, she will do them again "like she likes them done". Everything around her magically gets clean. Will clean your apartment if she visits. Is super patient and let people be mean to her without saying anything. Is loved by everyone, but doesn't believe it. Very good mom, she thinks you should follow your heart, not your brain. Stresses a lot, but laughs and is super happy when we're together. Everyone comes to her with their problems, my mom doesn't respond, but they still feel better after she opens her mouth. Hates making food, but is great at it. Finds everything funny, but is rarely the funny one. Has a lot of controlling people in her life and doesn't want me to experience that. Very skeptical, but still open.

INTJ: Is one year ahead of her age group in her education. Takes on the leading role in every single thing she can, complains about having much to do, but doesn't quit, and still wants more responsibility. Has perfect grades and actually reads the emails she gets. Would probably read terms and conditions to. Is very negative, and doesn't see her reached goals as anything's special, but most people look up to her for those things. Falling in love is a lot of work in her opinion, so she stresses about anyone potentially liking her. Very calm. Likes being alone. Jokes sadly about existence. Has goals. Very perfectionistic and realistic. Wants what's best for people. Very likable. Always on her phone and has streaks with everyone. Everyone falls in love with her and she doesn't understand why.

ENTP: "FIGHT ME". Is the loudest. Has an opinion about everything. Will answer your sayings with "Or DoEs It", "Or WiLl YoU", "BuT wHaT iF i PrOvEd YoU wRoNg newbie girl. Is politically active and and activist. Shitposts on social media. Both accidentally and consciously hits on everyone. Is never single. Has a lot of anxiety and deals with it by socializing. Meets new people every day. Cares about their physical presence and clothing. Isn't afraid of the dark and will probably go out in the middle of the night thinking "if anyone tries to kill me now I would fight them, or, I would die happily tbh". Knows everyone you know. Spills their feelings. Constantly points fingers. Likes new wave. Very physical. Cares about people. Will point out your contradictions.

INTP: Person 1: Has the sexiest voice. Good at imitations. Knows everything about politics both nationally and internationally. Plays video games all day long and is addicted to energy drinks. Has a really bad physical attitude. Laughs of his own jokes. Is really insecure, and self aware. Often regrets saying the mean things he thought. Acts very cold and seems to not like affection, but will hug you and let you sleep in his bed if he loves you. Beautiful smile. Rarely takes initiative, but if he likes you he will do it when he first craves social interactions. Cuts people out of his life like he's a waking pair of scissors. Has blocked me from social media 10 times I think because I mess with his feelings and because as an infj he doesn't understand my idealism. He would be okay with doing the right thing no matter how many people would get hurt by it. We have the exact same humor. Puns puns puns. Very skeptical and has allready decided what he thinks about every single matter. Is very closed minded, and can scare people off by coming off like that. Listens to synth music. Loves Depeche Mode. Could stay indoors all year long. Hates coping with his emotions. Will say "why" if you tell him you like him in a romantic way, and will get uncomfortable about having to deal with it. Wants to get married, but doesn't know how to start. In my opinion, the most attractive type in addition to enfp. There's just something really attractive about this personality, but also dangerous. The only personality I've met who can make me overthink like crazy. Person 2: She knows everything about pop culture. Loves cats. Listens to David Bowie and Cher. Only opens up to me, and that's after I've asked directly about it. Has a lot of emotions, but never shows them. Will make a face if she disagrees, but won't say anything. Loves watching dry humor programs. Loves candy. Has a whole line of generation in sims 4. Loves her family and would live at home by choice forever. Cares about social issues and wants justice. Likes extroverts because she can sit back and relax. Her interactions with other intps are unbearable as it gets so quiet you can hear crickets. Is very likable. Will laugh at all your jokes, of her own, and of her face with an ugly Snapchat filter on them. Hates group chats. Procrastinates every thing.

ENTJ: The only thing I know about her do far is that she does cosplay, makes her own costumes, says things like she couldn't care less what you thought about it, and has a lot of ambitions.

[tylercamebackyes]

i adore you, Cy.

-

surprise!! @imonlyhereforgay this is your gift!! i was stressing over it because everyone has so many parts and amazing stuff but i worked really hard on mine so im not changing it anymore. happy pride! also i used When too many times but i dont think TJ would care if he wrote a letter to Cyrus.

-

TJ writes a confession to Cyrus.

-

Dear Cyrus,

These are 10 of the times I got lost in your eyes.

When we went out for milkshakes after my first game of the season. You were telling a story about how your cousin drank his milkshake in 4 minutes flat, only to realize he was lactose intolerant. He never went out to eat with you again because you laughed at him for weeks. You laughed so hard telling the story that you started crying, but your eyes were lit up with joy.

When you came out to me in your basement. I made a joke about how girls would love a ping pong champion. You said you hoped the guys did too. The guys most certainly do. I was stunned into silence because I realized you wouldn't find it so weird that I thought your eyes were pretty.

That time we went on the Ferris wheel at Adrenaline City. You wouldn't look away from the spinning wheel, but I made you have a staring contest with me. You looked like you were about to cry until Marty spun the wheel and you screeched with your head in your hands.

When I had dinner at your house for your dad's birthday. I was helping serve cake when you said I had gotten frosting on my nose. You wiped it off with a napkin because I "wasn't getting the blue off." The blue didn't even come off after.

When I was getting you do do the high jump into the foam pit at Bouncy Castle Land. Andi and Buffy had always let you sit out, but I made you count to 10 with me before you let me push you off the platform.

When my cat had kittens and you were holding one, but it sneezed and you look at me smiling like a goof. I thought I could look at you smiling like a goof forever.

That time we were studying for my math test and you laughed at the drawing of my cat. When you laugh you get a sparkle in your eye. I got  B+ on that math test and you took me to the Spoon to celebrate.

When we were playing the second championship game and I looked over at you during the last timeout. Your smile made me want to win the game to make you proud even though you would be proud either way.

When Andi was thinking about going to New York for an art school, so you went to the swings to think about it. I told you that you were allowed to be upset about it because she was your best friend and you would miss her more if you were here instead of with her. Andi decided not to go.

When you got a brain freeze from eating a snow cone too fast at the fair.

9 times I almost held your hand.  Mostly times I missed my chance to.

When we went on that roller coaster and you said you couldn't feel your hands. I thought about it for a long time, but then we were upside down and I missed my chance.

When I watched your dance final and you were shaking when you finished, because when I'm shaking people holding my hands make me feel better but you were being hugged by Buffy before I got the nerve to.

When you came out to Amber at the Spoon, because she said she was frosting everything rainbow for pride month and you said you would definitely but a piece of cake for that, and she asked if you were LGBT+ and you paused and said you were gay. I didn't want to reach over the table so I didn't hold your hand.

When we were both laying on the couch but we couldn't reach the remote, so we both reached out to get it. I ended up falling off the couch.

When my cat scratched you and I helped you clean your hand, and I did technically hold your hand but I almost really held your hand.

When Andi was up for an art award and they were announcing winners. I started clapping to snap you out of peeling your fingernails. She didn't win, but she got 2nd place.

When we were having a sleepover and you turned over on the air mattress just to say "TJ, I LOVE dinosaurs." You started showing me shadow puppet dinosaurs, but you were too tired to do it right.

At Andi's slumber party, you were doing everyone's nails with Amber, and you painted mine yellow. "You're like my lemon boy, Teej. Or a sour-patch kid. Because you're sweet now," you said.

When Andi was upset about her parents not getting married and Buffy was hanging out with Marty again, you told me that you were afraid it was straining your relationship with them. I told you that if you could survive Celia becoming Ce-Ce and Buffy moving you could survive some change.

8 times I almost kissed you.

When we were at the pool and you did the big water slide, and you were so excited that you choked on the water. You laughed so hard that you had to get out of the pool.

When we met Amber's dog for the first time, and you thought he was the cutest thing in the world.

When we got churros at the fair. You got cinnamon on your nose and I still have no idea how.

When we had that pillow fight and you somehow got a hold of every pillow and it was like you had 3 pairs of nun-chucks.

When we were at the drive-in and you were holding all of the candy because Jonah had a broken arm. He said you wouldn't let him hold anything, but you said his arm was hurting. It was probably both.

That time at the lake when I jumped in, and you didn't want to jump in after me so you tried just walking into the lake but you slipped on the mud.

When we were swimming for Buffy's birthday party, Marty and Jonah flipped your floatie over. You complained about your hair the whole day, but I thought it looked better.

When you saw the shooting star on July 4th. Right after you saw it the fireworks started and the sound scared you.

7 times I almost told someone I liked you.

Buffy asked me after my first game of the season if I liked you, and I almost said yes. I said I didn't know.

My mom asked me why I had become so much happier lately. I said I was just having fun hanging out with you and everyone. Part of it was me being happy about coming out, but it was also being around you that made me so happy.

Jonah asked me how long we had been dating. He really thought we'd been dating for months.

I was paying for a Queen record when Bowie asked about the drawings on my hand. He asked me who drew it and when I said that you drew it, he said, "You two are pretty close, huh?" I just smiled and said yeah.

My cousins came over for Christmas. Addie is 8 years old and when she saw me texting you she said, "Why are you smiling so much? My mamma says people only smile that much when they're in love!" I thought it was really funny that she pointed it out before Buffy or Amber.

Jonah, Marty, and I were watching Love, Simon and they asked why I knew all of the emails by heart. It was nice to think of having a love story like that, even if it wasn't with you.

I almost told Amber's dog once, but Andi walked in before I said it.

6 times I did hold your hand.

When you were over and my parents started fighting while we played Mortal Kombat. I didn't want to feel scared like I always feel when they fight, even though I had never done it when they fought before.

When I came out to my dad. Or before, I guess. It made it easier having you there because I had someone there for me if my dad wasn't.

When you had a sleepover and we tried to watch all of Supernatural in one night. I fell asleep after a few episodes, but the first scene always makes me nervous.

When I was going into math class for the last test of the semester. You had worked with me the most and you believing that I could pass made me really want to pass the test.

When we listened to Paris by Sabrina Carpenter for the first time. It was more of me grabbing your hand and spinning you around to the music, but it counts.

When you brought me the blueberry macadamia muffin. That was one of the best muffins I've ever had, by the way.

5 times I almost called you at 2 am.

When my parents were fighting and I wanted to distract myself, but I ended up watching YouTube.

When Khalid announced his tour and I saw the post. You actually ended up calling me first.

When my cat threw up on my bed. I was really stressed but I got worried about the cat and told my mom instead.

After you dislocated your thumb when I tried to teach you how to play basketball. I was so worried that I couldn't sleep, but your mom posted on Facebook that you were fine so I let it be.

When I realized the song stuck in my head was Electric Love by BØRNS. Then I realized you were probably asleep, so I didn't.

4 times I did call you at 2 am.

When my dad told my mom that I was gay. I thought he was cool with it, but while they were fighting he said, "So YOU can have our abomination of a son." My parent decided to get a divorce later that week. I probably called you every week because I couldn't handle it.

When I realized another song that was stuck in my head was Maneater by Nelly Furtado. You didn't know what song I was talking about until I sang the "you wish you never met her at all" part.

When I had that nightmare where a clown came and attacked the whole town but you had an alliance with him but he was set on killing me so you died defending me then the clown died because he wasn't allowed to kill you.

When you texted me saying you hated crying at 2 am. You were crying about your stepdad making a homophobic joke. I said that he probably didn't mean it, and would stop once he realized he was directly hurting you. It still wasn't okay, though.

3 times I thought I had lost you.

When Reed brought that gun. I know I've said it dozens of times, but I didn't think he would bring it while you were there.

When your dad was thinking about moving to Texas and you got really excited, but your mom said she didn't want to give up custody so he stayed. I wanted you to be happy, but I also wanted to be with you forever and I wouldn't really want to be in Texas for months or years on end.

When Kira outed me to the school, and she looked at you when she said I was really obvious about it. I thought you weren't ready to come out in any way at school, but you said that our friendship was worth more than avoiding humiliation.

2 times I almost confessed.

That day when we couldn't reach the remote from the couch. Me falling off the couch made me forget about it, though.

When I came out to you. I was crying and you were almost crying and I have no idea why I was so terrified.

1 time I did.

Right now. I don't know why it's taken me so long, but with enough reassurance from Jonah and Andi, I'm writing this letter to you right now. I adore you, Cy. I want to be around you all the time. I would really, really like to kiss you. I know you might not feel the same, but I also know our friendship would survive a crush. I don't like keeping secrets from you. The last one is this: I like you. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone. And I had a teddy bear named Blueberry for 12 years until Reed blew it up. That's all.

    Love, TJ. aka Tyler James.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

Perfectly Imperfect: Epilogue

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Wren Arnold (OFC)

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: n/a

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

Perfectly Imperfect Masterlist | Chris & Wren Masterlist

Chapter 9

Epilogue

July 6, 2028

The house was quiet when Chris entered the mud room via the garage at one in the morning. He pulled off his shoes and stuck them on the shelf marked "Daddy" and then left his suitcase with all his dirty clothes next to the washing machine.

Entering the kitchen, he smiled when he saw that the girls had made him a "Welcome Home Daddy!" sign and had hung it on the edge of the island. He had spent the last week doing promos for a new film and was happy to finally be home where he belonged.

He took the kitchen stairs two at a time to get to the floor where his wife and daughters all slept. The first door he came to was painted a bold purple with a turquoise "A" printed on it. He hadn't been sure of the idea when Addy and Wren had presented it to him when they first moved in, but the house wouldn't be complete without unique touches like this.

Pushing the ajar door open, he smiled when he saw his 10-year-old daughter curled up with their aging Austrian shepherd, Gus. They had adopted the, then two-year-old, dog shortly after he and Wren had gotten married seven years ago; the same day that Wren had legally adopted Addy.

When it came to her birth mom, Addy hadn't had any questions until just recently and it was more out of curiosity than anything else. Because of these questions, part of his trip to LA had included a visit with Jessa and her husband. They hadn't been ready for a face to face conversation, but Jessa had given Chris her business card and told him that Addy could email her any questions she may have and she'd answer them if she could. They all knew, however, there were some topics that couldn't be address via email or until the pre-teen was an adult herself. It was a talk that Chris wasn't looking forward to having with his daughter, but he knew it would have to happen as soon as they had time.

Returning her door to how he found it, he moved down to the next door which was based in a pale pink and then had a lime green "D" and a magenta purple "S" on it. There had been a lot of debate about the door and Chris wasn't looking forward to a repeat of it when he had to redo the door in a few weeks when they moved the girls' rooms around to make room for the new baby.

The door was already opened halfway due to the needs of its occupants. At almost five, his and Wren's second oldest, Dakota, liked to sleep in a dark room, but her three-year-old sister Savannah preferred to have the light from the hallway on her at all times. It had taken them a couple weeks to get it setup to accommodate both girls' needs, but, in the end, they had worked it out.

From the doorway, Chris could see little Savannah stretched out on her stomach with the family's orange tabby cat, Oliver, snuggled up to her side. In order to see Dakota, he had to move into the room and pull aside the blackout curtain that was attached to the ceiling above her bed. Like her other sisters, she was dead to the world and didn't even flinch, though her sleeping buddy, the family's other dog Patch, a Dalmatian, looked up at him with one eye. Chris pressed his finger to his mouth and then backed away from the bed. He stood still for a moment, wondering if Patch was going to get up and follow him, but he soon heard the dog start snoring again.

Leaving the room, Chris moved across the hall to the nursery. The closed door was painted a pale yellow and, currently, had the letter "B" written on it. Opening the door, he tiptoed in and closed it softly behind him. The door to his and Wren's room was partially open and he could see the outline of his pregnant wife from where he stood. Smiling, he made his way over to the crib and smiled down at his and Wren's youngest daughter, Brooklyn, 18 months.

As he watched the baby sleep, he couldn't help but reflect on the last seven years. They had been the best years of his life. He loved making movies and acting, but he had scaled back so he could spend more time with his girls. Thanks to the Marvel movies, he and Wren were set for life and he was sure even his future grandchildren would be fine as long as they were wise with the money.

Leaving the nursery, Chris went into the bedroom he shared with Wren and stared longingly at the bed. A part of him just wanted to undress and climb in next to her, but he'd been traveling all day and he needed to shower first.

He showered quickly and then put on a pair of plaid pajama pants, a necessity with daughters who didn't know how to knock. Returning to the bedroom, he smiled when he saw Wren sitting up.

"Welcome home." She smiled at him as he climbed into the bed.

"Good to be home," he replied. He kissed her and then tugged playfully on the braid she always put her hair into for bed. "Did I wake you up?"

"No, the baby did," she said and both of their eyes dropped to her swollen belly.

"Do I need to have a talk with him or her?" Chris asked, sternly. He didn't wait for her answer as he leaned down and started to talk to her belly.

Wren laughed as his whispers tickled her skin. She couldn't hear what he was saying to the baby, but the baby responded with a kick. "Ouch!" she said, rubbing the spot where she was jabbed. "I thought you were going to calm the baby down."

"I forgot I'm not the kid wrangler," he replied, smoothing her stomach with his hand.

"No you're just a super hero dad," Wren smiled at him. "Did you see the girls' sign in the kitchen?"

"I did and I loved it," Chris said then stifled a yawn.

"Time to go to sleep," Wren laughed. "The girls are excited to see you and I don't think they'll let you sleep in."

"Oh the joys of being a parent," Chris sighed.

"Says the one who checked on all the girls and was secretly disappointed that none of them were still awake," Wren stated.

"Guilty," Chris chuckled as he laid back against the pillows with Wren's body cuddled up against him.

Savannah was the first to join them a few hours later with her shadow Oliver. Little girl and cat crawled into bed, her laying down on top of Chris and the cat curling up by his pillows. A little while later, Dakota and Patch joined them, too. An hour or so later, Addy came into the room via the nursery carrying Brooklyn with Gus following them.

"I think we need a bigger bed," Chris told Wren once they were all in the bed together. He and Wren were both partially sitting with the youngest two cuddled up to them while Addy and Dakota laid between them with both dogs and Oliver curled up at their feet.

"Daddy, can we watch cartoons?" Dakota asked after a while.

"Sure," Chris nodded. He handed her the tablet that controlled the TV and let her choose what they would watch.

It took her a few minutes, but Dakota eventually picked a series of old Disney cartoons that Chris and Wren had grown up watching. As a family, they watched a couple before they heard the first tummy rumble.

"Mom, can I go get the cupcakes?" Addy asked, excitedly.

"Great idea," Wren nodded.

"What cupcakes?" Chris asked as Addy sprinted from the room.

"It's our seventh wedding anniversary," Wren reminded him. "And at my sonogram this week, the doctor was able to determine the sex of the baby."

"I knew our anniversary," Chris said. "But I didn't know the second part. What are we having?"

"That's what we're about to find out," Wren said as Addy returned with a pink bakery box. "I had her write it on a card and then I took it to our favorite bakery and had them make us cupcakes with a filling that is either blue or pink."

Addy set the box down in the middle of the bed and then they moved so they were all surrounding it.

"Alright," Wren said. "Before we bite into our cupcakes, let's find out what you guys want it to be. Addy?"

"A boy!"

"Dakota?"

"A girl!"

"Savannah?"

"A girl!"

"Brooklyn?"

The one and half year old blinked in response, making them all laugh.

"Do you want a girl or a boy?" Addy asked her youngest sister. "Say 'mommy' for a girl or 'daddy' for a boy."

"Momma," Brooklyn replied from around her binkie.

"Alright, so that is three for another girl and one vote for a boy," Wren said. "What do you want, Chris?"

"I love my girls and I will be happy with another, but I wouldn't mind having a boy," Chris replied.

"How very politically correct of you," Wren laughed. "I'll be less PC and say I'd love to have a little boy."

"So how are we going to do this?" Chris asked, gesturing to the cupcakes.

"We'll each grab one and then we'll count to three before we take a bite," Wren explained.

They each grabbed a cupcake and then held it in their hands save for Brooklyn whose hands were too small to hold the cupcake. They put her in front of the cake box, but before they could stop her, the one-and-a-half-year-old grabbed a fist full of her cupcake and brought it to her lips, revealing the blue filling.

"It's a boy!" Addy shouted and then bite into her own cupcake. They followed her lead and confirmed that the filling of all the cupcakes was indeed blue.

"We're having a boy," Wren said as she looked at Chris with tears in her eyes. "A boy!"

Grinning, Chris leaned over and pressed a kiss to Wren's frosting covered lips. In four short months, baby Austin would be joining the family.

A little over eight years ago, he had returned to Boston thinking his love life was dead and wanting to make the best life for Addy that he could. He hadn't foreseen that he would fall in love with his best friend, Wren, marry her and have three more daughters and a son with her, but that is exactly what had happened.

Exactly seven years ago, he and Wren had stood in front of a small gathering of their family and friends and had promised to love and cherish each other for the rest of their lives. A promise that he planned to keep until he took his last breath.

THE END

Want to find me off tumblr? I'm @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you'd like to be added!

[laravilma]

Tomorrow, I’ll meet six of my siblings for the first time.

Sunday, December 30th, I’ll be on a plane to Las Vegas to meet my four sisters and two brothers. I’m at a loss for words as to what to type. This is definitely a rare experience and somehow I’m right in the middle of it. Everyone I relay the story to tells me to type up the whole journey, so here I am. And here you are, reading it. I’ll try to explain things to the best of my ability. I don’t have the greatest memory, so some of my details might seem a little out of place. I’ll correct myself as I go--sorry about that.

Back in 1999, my parents wanted to have a child, but due to some complications my mum wasn’t able to have a child of her own. My parents reached out to a hospital program to purchase a donor egg. I’m not sure if the donor selected the family or if the family selected the donor, but one way or another I was the lucky egg. I’ll find out which way it was later. The egg was removed from the donor, combined with my dad’s DNA, and put in my mum, who got pregnant with and later gave birth to me. I’m not genetically related to her, even though she was the one who gave birth to me. Kind of cool, right? It gets cooler.

Growing up my parents never sugar coated where I came from. I also knew there was a donor who I shared half my DNA with, and the other half I share with my dad. It was always in the back of our minds that there was a possibility the donor had donated other eggs, or had even had kids of her own, meaning I could potentially have half siblings. My parents never had another child of their own either, so I was an only child growing up. I always dreamed about having a little sister or brother, but it never came to be.

Due to security purposes, we weren’t legally allowed to know who the donor was. We were provided with little bits of information about her, like her background and her interests. All these details are stored away in a folder in our filing cabinet. I know she’s primarily Egyptian, Swedish, and Jordanian. She has dark brown curly hair, similar to my natural hair, bright eyes, and a big smile. She attended SMC, and was planning on attending either CSUN or USC in 1999. I have three pictures of her from around that time as well. There are some other details about her I’ll find in a bit after I dig out the file. I never knew her name, or her number, or anything personal. I basically had nothing on her to tell who she really was. One day I dreamed of meeting her, and getting a little more information on who I am and my background. It seemed like a loose dream.

In 2014, I was in my freshman year of high school. In our Biology class we could get extra credit if we signed up with 23andMe and demonstrated the DNA process and results to the class. I’ve always been super into family history, as are my parents, so they agreed to pay for half of it as long as I paid for the other half. So when my kit arrived, I brought the test tube to school, proudly spat into the chemical mixture in the tube in front of the class, and later sent the mixture in the kit back to the 23andMe facilities. I got results of my DNA ancestry after, and I learned I was 11% Italian, which I never knew.

The cool thing about 23andMe is that they constantly update you. I’m always receiving new bits of information about my health, my background, and more as time continues on. For instance, every so often 23andMe will connect me with some distance cousin three times removed (or something like that) who has also made a public 23andMe account.

I’d had this account for about five years, and I checked it maybe once to every few months. Since I was young when the account was made, it was connected to my mum’s email. It was late October of this year when my mum told me she had just received an email from the website, claiming they had connected me with a half-sibling.

Of course my mind went in a hundred different directions at once.

Was this a scam? Or a mistake?

Or was this real?

Who was this?

I immediately dove onto my laptop and logged into my account, only to discover 23andMe had matched me with FIVE people, all of which were supposed to be my half siblings. I couldn’t believe it. I was stunned into silence, and immediately began crying. I didn’t quite know why I was crying, or what about, but this seemed like it was the beginning of something big.

It was.

I noticed a notification on my screen. It was a message from one of the half-siblings the site listed, named Anna. This was the message:

“Lara, Hi.  I'm sure you don't remember me (frankly, I don't remember you either) but we met through our parents at The Plaza Hotel in NYC when we were both very young. I believe we first met in December of 2003. I was 2 1/2 at the time. I think you may have been a year or two older than me. I'm 17 now and the oldest of 6 kids in my family w/2 dads.  My younger sisters (Izzy, Addy, & Carrie) and brothers (Ryan and Henry) and I hope we have a chance to talk to you sometime soon.  As always, take care of yourself.  Anna“

I was immediately confused. The first time I had ever been to New York was in the spring of this year (2018), so that couldn’t be right. I was instantly worried that this was some sort of mistake, and that I had gotten my hopes up for nothing. Could 23andMe have screwed up? I clearly wasn’t the person Anna thought she was talking to, so was this wrong? But no, it couldn’t be. 23andMe had matched us by DNA. We literally had the same DNA. So there was no way this was wrong. I messaged her back, not sure what type of response I would get:

“Hi! I don't believe we actually did meet... I've never been to NYC until this year. I'm 18 now. I matched DNA with your sister Izzy and your brother Ryan, and two others Carrie and Henry. I was a donor child, so I only share DNA with my actual dad and a different woman. By any chance, were you and your siblings donor children too? Or was your mother a donor? Can't believe we share so much DNA! This is amazing!! Lara :)”

I eagerly awaited a response. Three days later I was in Davis, visiting a friend at her college. It was late at night and my friend, her roommate, and I were all sat around in their dorm on our laptops just relaxing. I had been checking 23andMe about once a day, looking for any sort of reply. I decided to check it again, and low and behold I had a new message from Anna.

“Hey Lara, I'm sorry I took so long to answer. It's so cool that we share so much DNA! My siblings and I actually have 2 dads. Our genealogy is shared from the same egg donor.  We have information about her. But, my siblings and I think it would be best if our parents had a chance to talk about all of this before we continue talking.  Do you think you could talk to your mom or dad about possibly contacting one or both of my dads?  If so, one of my dad's names is Pete.  His cell-phone number is (----------).  He knows about all of this, and he thinks it's great that we connected! Hope to hear back from you soon! Anna :))”

Of course, I was absolutely elated. Silent tears burst down my cheeks as I reread her message over and over again. So this hadn’t been a mistake. I truly had half siblings. Real, living, breathing, siblings. This was so remarkable. I shakily turned to my friend, who was immediately concerned over my crying. I could barely get my words out as I was trying to explain to her what had happened, and that I was happy. I hugged my friend and sobbed into her arms. My life was getting crazier as the days passed, and I was barely keeping up. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

Once I composed myself a bit, I replied to Anna's message, telling her I’d tell my parents to give her dad a call as soon as I was home from visiting my friend.

About a week passed, and I was finally home. I had kept my parents updated with everything that was happening, so they were up to speed when they called Pete.

They spoke on the phone with him the office. I know their conversation with him was supposed to be private, but I couldn’t resist myself from listening in. I sat on the bathroom floor for the next hour, right outside of the closed office door. I know it wasn’t exactly “right” to be eavesdropping on their conversation, but could you blame me? This was one of the biggest changes in my life, and I definitely not going to miss any of it.

So I sat on the tile floor, my head resting against the wall. My parents spoke softly to Pete, causing me to strain my ears to listen. They spoke about his kids, how there’s six of them, all related to me. The oldest is 17, the next two are 16, next is 13, and the youngest two are 11. Pete told my parents a bit about their personalities, and my parents echoed back how my personality was so similar. I stayed on the bathroom floor silently grinning.  

Pete talked about my donor, telling my parents more about her than we ever knew. He told us her name, and that she was happily married in Sweden. She is super outgoing and kind. She was artistic and intelligent, and my parents connected our similarities. I was grinning ear to ear, crying softly. Pete explained she had given eggs to two other families around the same time as me, which meant there are two more siblings out there. I have eight half-siblings total, as far as I know.

The funniest part of it all is that, Pete explained, he knew one of the families, and they had met before in 2003. The daughter that had been donated was the same age as me, and had the same name--Lara--spelled the same way. That’s why when Anna first contacted me on 23andMe she thought I was the other Lara she had already met.

I have a half-sister, who is the same age as me, who is named Lara.

WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?

Pete explained some things had happened between the families, and they didn’t speak anymore. I’m really hoping on this trip I can learn more about Lara, and maybe even contact her.

Moving on, Pete explained my donor didn’t want to have contact with the kids she donated. Of course, I’ve always imagined what it would be like to be able to meet her and thank her for giving me the opportunity of life, and for giving my parents a child. So I was a little crushed. Nevertheless, I have to respect her decision, and I do understand why she would want to keep her distance. Maybe one day she’ll change her mind.

I Skyped with the three oldest that night, Ryan, Anna, and Izzy. They were so kind and sweet, and I was overwhelmed with how many of the same interests we shared. We talked for hours, until they had to go to sleep because they had school in the morning.

Later in November, my phone had broken, so I couldn’t text them as much. I logged onto my Snapchat one evening on my mum’s phone, as I hadn’t been on in weeks. I noticed a message from Izzy.

Opening it, she told me her family was traveling to Las Vegas for New Years, and asked if I would want to join them. I couldn’t believe this. I immediately replied yes, and joyously jumped around the house while explaining to my parents what she had just asked.

Within a few days, my flight was booked for Vegas. I would leave on December 30th, and return home on January 3rd.

Tomorrow is December 30th. Tomorrow, I meet them. My suitcase is packed, and I’m lying in bed typing this. My flight is at 2:30pm. Tomorrow I meet my siblings. This is insane. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight.

Oh. My. God.

I’ll continue updating as things progress. For now, I’m just anxiously awaiting tomorrow’s experience.

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 90

Warnings: none 

Tagging @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @tragiclyhip​, @alievans007​

“I have a serious bone to pick with you,” Riley scolds, thousands of miles away in her dorm room at Colorado State. Clad in a black and green plaid hunting jacket that’s miles too big on her petite frame, vibrant red hair tucked up into a ‘trucker style’ ball cap. “Why did I have to find out about this from Douchey McDouche Face?”

Despite there being a near fourteen year age difference between them and no blood ties whatsoever, their relationship has always been strong; even with the familial drama and the miles that have continuously kept them separated. Esme can vividly remember meeting her for the first time; a then three year old gazing up at her -all of seventeen- with pure adoration and idolization. That cute little ginger with her massive green eyes and her already fiery personality; drawn to Esme and her then tomboyish style and her penchant -despite her own small stature- for full contact sports.  She can even recall how good it had felt; having someone that DID look at her that way.

For years she'd been practically invisible; the last child between her mother and father, treated as if there’d been simply no love left to bestow on her after piling it on five boys. Her father had been her only source of real affection; the only person who’d ever showed pride in her achievements and never dragged her down for her choices or belittled her passions and interests. When he died, everything went to shit. While her mother’s   toxicity increased and she kicked the emotional abuse up several notches, her brothers had all tried -in their obnoxious and overbearing ways- to step up and take their father’s place in her life. They’d all failed, causing her to become uncharacteristically sullen and withdrawn; prone to cutting when the depressions and feelings of inadequacy hit especially hard and her mother no longer hide her rapidly growing hatred for her only daughter. Life had been pretty dark; many moments where she thought the world would be a better place without her in it and she’d actually been in possession of handfuls of pills and had the desire -and the chance- to end the suffering.

Then ‘The Sarge’ had come along. Filling that fatherly role without expecting or demanding it; letting her call the shots and make the moves when it came to accepting him into her life. And he’d ‘shown up’ in ways her mother and brothers never bothered; quietly and lovingly, showing interest in her life and valuing her opinions and thoughts and getting involved in the things she enjoyed. She was no longer the only one on the wrestling squad or the lacrosse team or at swim meets without someone there to support her. Sarge would always be there; sitting in the front row, enthusiastically cheering her on and nudging other parents with his elbow while proudly declaring ��that’s MY girl!”.

And just when she thought things couldn’t possibly get better, they did.  Sarge was granted full custody of his only child; her mother choosing her career over that adorable redhead. Despite their age difference, she and Riley had become inseparable. Happily and willingly taking the little girl to the movies or the mall; listening to preschool gossip while out for dinner at McDonalds, letting the little girl climb into bed with her during thunderstorms or after a bad dream. Over the years they’d both been branded as  the ‘black sheep’; ostracized  for their ‘lifestyle choices’ and how ‘wayward and lost’ they’d managed to become.

Nothing brings two people together like shared alienation and pure hatred and spite for their ‘enemies’.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” Esme attempts to reason, as she conducts the video chat in one of the ICU’s private family meeting rooms.  “I know finals are coming up. And you’ve been busy with placement. I didn’t want to add THIS to your plate.”

She’d left Tyler in extremely compassionate hands: a quiet and gentle Andy, who’d been standing over his sleeping friend and in the midst of a traditional Aboriginal blessing and prayer for healing.  She’d had to leave;  the purity and the beauty of both Andy’s heart and the moment too profound for her already fragile emotions to handle.  Instead she spends the time with both her sister and Addie; the infant cuddled close to her chest, a receiving blanket emblazoned with images of Baby Dumbo covering her as she nurses.  She had terribly missed even the simplicity and familiarity of such a common occurrence; the light weight of her daughter’s tiny body against hers, those tiny hands that gently  knead at her breast or grab at her necklace and reach for her hair.

“THIS is my brother in law,”  Riley says. “You know how much I love the guy. How much he’s the cat’s ass and I totally approve of how he treats you like a queen.”

“You’re one of the few people in my life who do. Love him.”

“Well NOT everyone can have exceptional taste.   They’re just bitter and jealous. You got out of that shit hole and away from their crap.   They’re all still stuck in and thriving on it; too chicken shit to ever think on their own, in fear of pissing off Mommy Dearest. Tyler’s the best thing that came along to that family in...well...forever.  They’re just pissed they can’t control him; that he gives zero fucks about any of them and doesn't shy away from letting them know.”

“Mommy Dearest still insists he’s the WORST thing to ever happen. That I’ve somehow been forced into this life and he’s somehow brainwashed me and has some strong and powerful hold over me that keeps me around.”

Riley gives a derisive snort.

“I mean even in her condition, she still managed to send me an email asking me when I was going to get my shit together and realize ‘that man’ is nothing but poison and bad news.  She didn’t even remember the twins’ birthdays or Millie’s. Or she did and just didn’t give a shit. She’s always treated those kids differently from the rest. All because she has this stupid, imaginary axe to grind against Tyler.”

“Fuck her,” Riley snarls. “You’re way too good for her. For that whole damn family. You always have been. And he is DEFINITELY way too good for them. Probably why none of your brothers like him; he makes them feel inferior and most definitely puts their masculinity into doubt. They’re probably pissed off their wives think of him when they’re flicking the bean.”

Esme frowns. “Riley!”

“Please tell me you’re still not bringing your bullshit; the whole insecurity crap. Who cares if other women lust after your husband? Or if they get themselves off thinking about him? Who is the one HE is getting off in person?  Who gets to have THAT going down on her whenever she damn well wants? Cut your shit; he only has eyes for you.”

“It’s not him I don’t trust.”

“He knows how to say no. I’m sure he has, many times.  No one else exists in his eyes. There’s not one woman in this world that would make that man unfaithful. So stop. Let other women...and probably more than a handful of men...fantasize about him. You get the real thing. I mean, he is so hot, he almost turned ME straight. Almost.”

Esme laughs at that.

“And that last picture you sent? The family one you guys did before Christmas? Whoa! Dude is looking thick and buff as fuck! What are you feeding him?”

“His favourite meal. Remember what he told you THAT was?”

“I sure as shit do! It’s the same as mine. Atta boy. The man from down under likes to spend a lot of time down under. That’s the spirit! And speaking of my favorite Aussie, what the fuck Tyler? What kind of god awful shitty mess did you get yourself caught up in?”

“Godawful shitty mess does not even begin to accurately describe what happened, believe me.”

“I called your place because I wanted to come down and visit for a couple of weeks next month. Finally see Australia! Bring the new girl for you all the meet. Cuddle my nieces and nephews and spoil the shit out of them with presents and candy.  And what do I find out? What does Fire Chief Dick for Brains tell me?”

“I’m sorry, Ry. I should have called you. I just didn’t want to burden you. I know you have a lot going on with school and placement and your social life and…”

“Fuck all of that. None of that matters. You’re my sister. That’s my brother in law. The father of my nieces and nephews. You’re my family.  All that matters to me is you guys.”

“Please don’t take it personally. It’s just a huge mess and my brain is not functioning at a hundred percent right now. All I’ve been concentrating on is him.  He’s my number one priority right now; helping him heal and getting him out of here and sent to a hospital back home. I didn’t purposefully leave you out.”

“Do you need me to come? Just say the word MeMe. I’ll get on the next flight.”

Esme smiles at the nickname; a little something a then four year old Riley had come up with because she couldn’t properly pronounce her new step sister’s name.  “I missed that,” she says. “Hearing you call me that.”

“You’ll always be MeMe to me. Do you need me there? Do you WANT me there? Because I will put everything aside and get to you. You know I will.”

“As much I’d love to see you and have you here, I don’t want you to do that. I want you to concentrate on school and your placement and your new love.  And Tyler would want all that, too. He would not expect you to drop everything for him. He’d give you shit for it, you know he would.”

“He is such a stubborn fuck, I swear. Love the guy, but he does my head in. And this isn’t about expecting it from me; it’s about me wanting to be there for you. I want to be there for you. Let me be there for you.”

“Ry, I love you and appreciate you so much. And I miss you. Terribly. But this isn’t the place for you. You need to stay where you are and concentrate on school and just get on with things.”

“How am I supposed to do that when Tyler is messed up like his? How am I supposed to concentrate on things when you’re going through this?”

“Because that’s what we BOTH want you to do. There is no reason for you to put your life on hold to come here. Everything is so up in the air right now.  There’s no timetable for his recovery; we have no idea how long it’s going to be until he can be sent home. And even then he’s going to be admitted to a hospital there.  It’ll be awhile until he’s home, home.”

“This is just such bullshit,” Riley sighs heavily. “I am so sorry. MeMe. That you’re going through this. I know how much you love him. I can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like; seeing him so torn up. It was bad, wasn’t it. What was done to him?”

“It was pretty damn bad.  He was in really rough shape when he was brought in.”

“How rough?”

“The roughest. Worse than seven years ago. Way worse. He told me that he didn’t want to die, but he was expecting it.”

“Jesus…” Riley breathes. “...for a guy like Tyler to come right out and admit that…”

“It was horrible; seeing him like that. I will never forget that as long as I live. I thought what I saw on the bridge...had to do on the bridge...was awful. But seeing him? After the surgeries and all the wounds so new and fresh?  I can’t even begin to describe it. How it made me feel.”

“I am so sorry,  I am so goddamn sorry.”

“I mean, that’s the love of my life. The father of my kids. The strongest person I’ve ever known. And to see him like that…like this…”  she takes a deep, shaky breath and releases it slowly.  “...it hurts. So much. That’s my whole heart, Riley. HE’S my whole heart.”

“I’m going to come there. To Dhaka. I don’t want you going through this alone. I don’t…”

“I’m fine,” Esme assures her. “I really am. I’m not alone either; a lot of friends are here to help out and watch over me. And now I’ve got this little muffin…” she lifts the edge of the blanket and glances down at Addie; those huge brown eyes staring up at her, then crinkling when the infant smiles.   “...it’s better now that she’s here. Or at least that one of them is here.”

“Do you want me to go to Australia? I can stay at your place, help with the kids. As much as I hate Fire Chief Dick for Brains, I’ll put up with him. Just for you.”

“The kids are fine, I promise. I just miss them. A lot. Once he’s transferred home, it’ll be a whole new ballgame.”

“Any remote idea on what that’s going to be?”

“Two weeks. Three at the most.”

“Shit…”  Riley shakes her head. “...oh Tyler, what the hell bruh…”

“It could have been worse. It could have been a lot worse. There could have been five kids with no daddy.”

“I don’t even want to think about that. How is he now? How is he doing?”

“He’s being weaned off of sedation. He has wakeful moments; periods where he’s pretty lucid.  His memory is shit; he asks the same questions at least six times an hour. That’s just the meds though. They said once the sedation is totally out of him, his brain will go back to normal.”

“Whatever normal is for Tyler,” Riley chides.  

“He’s able to stay up for quite a while. He can carry on a conversation, but he gets confused really easily. And then he gets frustrated and embarrassed and he starts shutting down.  And his emotions are all over the place; joking and somewhat happy one minute,  a weepy mess the next.”

“How’s the PTSD been?”

“Now that he’s more coherent? It’s been a mess. When he wakes up he’s very disoriented and if he’s alone or there’s people in the room he doesn’t know…”

“Freaks out?”

“He loses it. His fight or flight kicks in. And you know Tyler…”

“Always picks fight.”

Esme nods.  “And he doesn’t know what he’s doing or saying when he’s like that and he’s freaking out because he thinks I’m dead and no one can convince him otherwise. A PSW came in; while I was out. Woke him. To wash his hair and trim his beard.”

“Oh no…”

“He fucking lost it, Ry.  Which I knew would happen and is why I told them NOT to send someone in.  He just went off. It took four people to hold him down, and that was AFTER they gave him sedation. You would have thought nothing was wrong with him; that’s how hard he fought.  This is a man who can’t even walk right now. And he still scared the shit out of the PSW. Threatened to break his neck with his bare hands and told him how he’s done it before. Many times. Then told him he’d rip his head off and shove it up his ass.”

“So what’s the difference in him after all this? That sounds like Tyler on a good day.”

Esme can’t help but laugh.  “I think he made the PSW piss his pants.”

“Serves him right if he can’t follow instructions. Is it in his chart? That no one is supposed to come in?”

Esme nods.

“Well fuck him then.  Read the patient’s chart. It’s not that hard. Is it wrong that I’d give my right arm to see him rip someone’s head off and shove it up their ass? I bet he could do it too. I bet he’s done shit that defies logic.”

“Well he did once kill two people with a garden rake.”

“How fitting. A Rake, using a rake.  Perfection.  What’s his injuries like? Kyle says they’re pretty gnarly.”

“Why do you sound so pleased at the thought?”

“I’m in nursing school. This shit excites me. I can’t help it.”

“Gunshot wound to the back, lots of stitches, a torn MCL and ACL, open fracture of the right femur…”

“Do you have pictures of it?”

“Of what?”

“His femur.”

“Hell no, I don’t. Why would I want pictures of that?”

“Because that would be fucking amazing to see. Was it a true open fracture? Bone protruding and everything?”

“I guess. His friend said the bone was showing.”

“That is wild. I would have loved pictures; before AND after.”

Esme grimaces. “You’re disturbed.”

“Did they give him an ilizarov?”

“They said it would be on for a least three months. He is NOT happy.”

“Can you take pictures of that? And the gunshot wound?”

“Riley…”

“For scientific reasons, I swear. I just want to see them. I could even show my one prof and Tyler could be a case study.”

“I’d rather my husband NOT be one, thank you. He’s not your show and tell project.”

“Just go and take a couple pictures. Please? Pretty please? With  whipped cream and sprinkles and a cherry on top?”

“He’s sleeping. I am not going in there and waking him up because you're a freak.”

“Best time to do it; when he’s sleeping.”

“I would never do that to him. There’s this thing called consent. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it…”

“When he wakes up, ask him if you can take pictures. If you tell them they’re for Red, he’ll be good with it. I know he will. He loves me.”

“He does, actually.”

“I can’t wait to see you guys. I’ll come down; once he’s in a hospital there. Sound good?”

“Sounds good.”

“I talked to Mildred by the way…”

“I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, Millie is NOT short for Mildred.”

“Actually, it is.”

“Her name is not Mildred, though.”

“She LOVES when I call her that. Loves it.  Anyway, how grown up is she sounding all of a sudden? It’s like she’s six going on sixteen! What is up with that kid?”

“She’s her father. What more do I have to say?”

“She even sounds like him! The way she says certain words and little sayings she has. I couldn’t believe it; it was like talking to a mini, girl version of him.  Freaky!  She’s pretty pissed, huh? At you?”

Esme sighs. “Unfortunately.”

“I told her to smarten up. That she’s got a great mom and she needs to appreciate it AND you. I told her to get her shit together and respect you. That if her dad finds out what she’s up to, it won’t be pretty. I said that he’ll stick up for her mom no matter WHO is disrespecting her. I think that scared her.”

“There’s nothing she hates more than the thought of her daddy being mad at her. That’s her WORST fear, I swear.”

“Well she needs to cut the attitude. I don’t tolerate that shit. I don’t think I’m the favorite Aunt anymore, by the way.”

“You’re her only Aunt.”

“I guess I’m excommunicated then.  And speaking of being an aunt, let me see my little poop face.”

Esme removes the blanket covering Addie, then holds her onto the arms and places her in line with the camera.

“Oh my God…” Riley gives an excited squeal.  “...look at Auntie Ry Ry’s little poop face! You’re getting so big!”

“You’re kidding, right?” Esme laughs. “She just got into the newborn clothes. She’ll be four months.”

“She’s still grown a lot since the last time I saw her. Look at you, Addie! Look how beautiful you are. Look at how much you look like your mommy! You’re the lucky one, huh? Getting your momma’s looks? She’s smiling, MeMe. That smile is everything! She has Tyler’s smile.”

“It’s the one thing they all inherited. And she also got his appetite. I really need to get back to feeding her and I know it’s not the most pleasant thing to see while trying to have a conversation.”

“I don’t know, MeMe. I’ve had to look at worse things. You’ve got really nice boobs, actually. Tell him I said he’s lucky.”

“You’re too much. But I miss you. I can’t wait to see you.”

“As soon as you guys get home, I’ll be on my way,” Riley promises. “And if you need anything, and I mean anything, you call me. Right away, hear me?”

“Loud and clear.”

“Chin up, okay? He’s got this. He’s a tough shit. He’ll be alright.”

“I know he will,” Esme says confidently, then blows her step sister a kiss in farewell before killing the video feed.

****

She pokes her head into the room when she returns, smiling when she finds him awake and sitting up in bed; the angle of the mattress slowly increasing with each hour, giving his back used to being in different positions and not allowing the muscles to settle and stiffen.

“Hey,” she greets. “You’re awake.”

“I am.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m texting you. Just taking me forever; hands won’t stop shaking.”

“I’m here, you might as well just tell me what you want to say.”

“I’m gonna send it anyway…” a grin tugs at the corners of his mouth. “...I’m almost done. Be patient.”

“That’s more your thing; being patient.”

“You’ve been plenty patient the last couple of days. There...all done...sent.”

Her phone vibrates within the pocket of her hoodie, and she pulls it out to check the message; smiling at the simple -yet honest and heartfelt- words. “You’re cute,” she gushes. “I’m going to send you one back.”     She steps out into the hall; composing her own text. Just a short and sweet: I love you too.   Accompanied by a selfie of her puckering her lips for a kiss. “Well…” she pokes her head back into the room.  “...did you get it?”

“Yep.”  A broad smile spreads across his face. “Want me to send something back? A dick pic?”

“Not when there’s a tube in it, I don’t. I do have a separate file for them though; where I put all the dick pics you send me when you’re away from home.”

“You’re dirty.”

“You’re the one who sends them! Where’s Andy?”

“He went downstairs to get something to eat. I told him I’d be fine by myself.”

“Pretty awesome, huh? That he can all this way to see you?”

“Yeah, it is.  He’s a good guy; I’m glad I sucked it up and talked to him that day at the school. Why are you poking your head in like that? Why don’t you just come in?”

“I have a surprise for you.”

“Are you naked?”

“You wish.”

“Is it a blowjob?”

Esme frowns. “What is wrong with you?”

“A lot. I probably couldn’t get it up anyway. Not with a tube sticking out of it and all the meds I’m on. What’s the surprise? Want me to close my eyes? Will it make it better?”

“This is going to be an awesome surprise no matter what. But go ahead.”

“You ARE naked, aren’t you. Baby, as much I appreciate your willingness and your effort to make me feel better at all costs, that part of me is not gonna work right now.”

“I am definitely NOT naked. It’s going to be a while before you get to see me with no clothes on. You are nowhere close to being ready for that.”

“You’re underestimating me.”

“That’s one thing I never do, trust me. You want the surprise or not? I promise you, this is an amazing one.”

“Even better than when the kids make me breakfast in bed and cupcakes for my birthday?”

“Even better,” she says, and then waits for him to close his eyes; carrying Addie into the room. “Don’t open them until I tell you to.  I brought you a little visitor.”

“One of those hospital therapy dogs? Like a corgi or some shit?”

“Way better and way cuter.”

“I don’t know, wife. Those are pretty damn cute.”

“Trust me, this is much better and will cheer you up a hundred times more than any dog ever could.”  She stands on the right side of the bed; easier to transfer Addie onto his good arm.  And she removes the receiving blanket draped over her daughter as she leans over the railing; a smile already curving the baby’s lips and her tiny hands reaching for her father.  “No sudden movements, alright? You don’t want to accidentally hurt the surprise. Open your eyes.”

He does as he’s told. A brief moment of confusion etched on his face as he looks down at the baby in his wife’s arms, then up at her. “Are you serious?”

“Andy brought her.  She’s been missing you just as much as you’ve been missing her. Look at her; she’s already smiling at you. She’s so happy to see you. There’s no one she loves the way she loves her daddy.  Wait until you see her little outfit.”

“I thought she wasn’t coming until tomorrow. That Ovi was bringing her.”  His eyes narrow. “How long was I asleep??”

“There was a change of plans; a little something Andy and Ovi came up with together. Here…”  she gently lays Addie along his left forearm; settling the baby’s head in the crook of his elbow. “...look at her little shirt? Isn’t it perfect? Daddy’s little peanut. Andy made it for her.”

“It is perfect. SHE’S perfect.”

“Look at her looking at you...look at that smile..all she sees is her daddy. Not what happened to him. Feels good, right? To have her here? To have her in your arms like this?”

“Yeah…” emotion chokes at him, and he leans down to press a kiss to Addie’s forehead, lightly chuckling when those tiny hands grab at his hair and his nose. “...feels amazing, actually.”

Esme leans into him, draping an arm across his shoulders. “I’m pretty sure she feels the same way. She definitely missed you.”

“I missed her,” he says, and kisses the tip of Addie’s nose. “Daddy missed you so much, baby girl. So much.”   The tears come now; a mixture of relief and happiness combined with the anger and frustration at being laid up and unable to perform even the simplest tasks for himself.

“Hey…” Esme places a kiss to his temple and rubs and squeezes his shoulder. “...it’s okay.  All uphill from here, remember? You’re doing amazing; don’t doubt that. Please don’t doubt that.”

“I didn’t think I’d get this chance again; to see her, hold her. I was pretty damn sure I wouldn’t.”

“Well you’re a tough cookie, Tyler Rake. If there’s anyone on this earth that can survive THAT and do this well, it’s you. I know how much you love proving people wrong. And you’re doing that. I also know how much you want to get out of Dhaka. I know that’s your main driving force for trying as hard as you are.”

“I just want to go home.  Even if it is to a hospital there. I just want to be home.”

“Soon,” she promises. “And if you keep doing as well as you are, it will be even sooner than any of us thought. I don’t want you to hurt yourself though, okay? I know sometimes you try to do to much, too soon. And I don’t want you doing that. I don’t want you busting your ass to the point it sets you back.  I know you don’t want that either.”

“I just want to feel my legs. It’s driving me crazy that I can’t. It freaks me out. I wake up and I forget it’s only temporary and I fucking lose it. You know that’s one of the worst things possible in my eyes; not being able to do things, not being able to have the life I had.”

“There’s no reason to worry about that. In a couple days, you’ll get the feeling back. This too shall pass.  It won’t be a while until you’re back to being the old you, but you WILL get there. I promise.  And you can’t tell me this won’t help. Having Addie here. That it won’t lift your spirits a bit.”

“She already has. She’s lifted them a lot, actually. I didn’t think I’d ever get to do this again. See you, see her.”

“Well, you DID get to do it. We’re here. We’re BOTH here.”  She moves her hand to the nape of his neck, massaging gently.  “Are you okay with her? She seems pretty happy where she is; I don’t think she’s going to want you to put her down anytime soon.”

“I’m good.  I’m not giving her up.  They’d have to pry her out of my cold, dead hands. She’s getting bigger, huh?”

“I thought the same thing when I first saw her. Feels like we’ve been away from her for a lot longer than we have. She’s still super tiny though.”

“She is. Just a wee little thing. Like her momma,” he presses another kiss to Addie’s brow. “Beautiful like your momma too.”

“In case you haven’t noticed by now, daddy is extremely  biased when it comes to mommy,” Esme addresses the infant.  “He always has been.”

“It’s not being biased when it’s the truth. It still feels weird; how light she is. Even Tanner with all his issues was never this small. She’s definitely all you. Now I’ll have two people small enough to pick up and put in my pocket.”

She combs her fingers through his hair and pecks his cheek. “You sure have your cute moments.”

“You seem to bring that side of me out.”

“Well it’s a very nice side.  But I like all your sides, so…”

Smiling, he tips his head up towards her, and she leans down and places a soft, lingering kiss on his lips.

“I know you didn’t agree with it,” she says, when he turns his attention back to Addie. “Her coming here.”

She notices the wince that briefly takes hold of his face; the simple action of using his right hand to tug the baby’s socks back up causing pain in the injured shoulder.

“I was just worried. About her being here if things went to shit again. I know we think they’re all gone; Asif’s people.  But I didn’t want to take that chance. Especially with her.”

“There hasn’t been any movement. Not even a whisper of trouble.  And you know Anil; he’s got all kinds of ears to the ground. I think it’s really over this time. I think we’re finally going to be able to put this place behind us. It’s time; to leave Dhaka behind.”

“I definitely don’t plan on coming back for a visit, that’s for sure. So if you have Dhaka on that ‘places like you’d like to vacation’ list, you can go ahead and erase it right now.”

“I have had enough of Dhaka to last me a lifetime, believe me. You know, you have this real habit of choosing extremely dramatic and painful ways to get out of taking me anywhere.”

Tyler grins. “Neither of the times I bailed on you were intentional, I swear.”

“I think we should stop planning ahead when it comes to going away. It’s like we jinx it somehow; talking about it too soon.  How about next time, we just decide on the spur of the moment to go somewhere? That way we shock the universe with our spontaneity and it doesn’t have time to recover until we’re BACK from our trip.”

“Sounds good to me. And we’re going to need one; a trip. When all this is over. I know it’s going to be a while, but we are definitely going to need a vacation.”

“Well tell your pocketbook to expect Bora Bora or The Maldives. I’m getting my suite on the water.”

“I will get you whatever you want, baby. Whatever your little heart desires.  You just tell me what it is and I’ll do it. I’ll get it for you.”

“You healthy and back on your feet.  That’s all I want.”

“I’m working on it.”

“I know you are,” she kisses his temple. “And you’re doing amazing. I’m so proud of you, Tyler. So fucking proud of you.”

“You’re going to make me cry. Again.”

“I can’t help that you’re so beautiful when you cry. And it would be happy tears, right?”

“Very happy tears.” He lays his palm on Addie’s stomach, all of her fingers wrapping around one of his. “She’s tiny, but she’s strong. Has a hell of a grip.”

“She’s like her daddy. Tough as nails.”

“I don’t know,” he smiles up at her. “I think her momma has me beat in the toughness department.”

“I think…” she places a kiss to his brow, then the bridge of his nose. “...you totally underestimate yourself. He does, doesn’t he, Addie? Underestimate himself. Tell daddy he’s tough as hell and the strongest, bravest person you know. Tell him how the sun shines out of his ass and he poops glitter and pisses rainbows. That’s how you look at him, might as well tell him too. Because his ego isn’t quite big enough, yet.”

He smirks. “My ego took a hell of a beating.”

“Well tell your ego to shut the fuck up,” she affectionately tousles his hair. “There was nothing you could have done, Tyler. You didn’t know this going to happen; that things were going to go this bad. There was nothing to suggest that he who shall not be mentioned was capable of something like that.”

“We both knew he was sketchy as fuck.”

“Being sketchy and being psychotic are two totally different things. You did everything right; you got Neysa and Aarev out, you went back to get him out.  There’s no way you could have known what he was going to do.”

“Should have listened to Koen and left his ass there.”

“Koen said that?”

He nods.

“You remember that? Him saying that?”

“I can remember things that happened BEFORE it all went down.  Things that I said, that other people said. I can remember getting Neysa and Aarev out and going back in to get N...him.  But after that, it’s pretty muddled.”

“But you do remember things?”

“I THINK  I’m remembering them. I THINK  it’s things that happened. I’m not sure though; if they’re real or my brain is just making shit up. I DO remember...vividly...him shooting me in the back. Everything else? I don’t know what’s real and what I’m imagining. And honestly, babe? I don’t think I want to remember.”

“But you might. And that could get pretty scary for you; things coming back to you.”

“I know.”

“Once we’re home, we’ll get you some help okay? Some therapy. For the mental stuff.”

“Alright.”

“I know you hate that side; seeing therapists and talking to strangers and having to take meds. But you know what I hate? Seeing your brain torturing you like it does. I hate that you have to go to war every damn day with your own mind. I just want you to be okay.  You know that, right?”

“I do know that. I’ve never doubted that. Not once in the last seven years.”

“Even the toughest need help, sometimes. And I’ll get you that help. I promise. I’ve got you. Always.  You’re my ride or die, remember?”

“Yeah…” he chuckles. “...you’re mine too.”

“You’re going to be okay,” she assures him. “Inside AND out. You’re already on your way.  And I’m not going anywhere. I'll be here, right beside you, every step of the way.”

“What about after? When I AM better? You still going to stick around? The whole pain meds thing?”

“We talked about that. You know where I stand; about you needing to deal with that. That’s a deal breaker, Tyler. Because I can’t live like that. And I won’t let our kids live like that either. I love you. More than you could possibly ever comprehend. But that? I can’t do THAT.”

“I’ll do whatever I have to. I don’t want to lose you. Or my kids. Whatever I need to do...whatever YOU need me to do...I’ll do it. No hesitations. Whatever it is.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, okay? Let’s concentrate on what we’re going through right now. One thing at a time.  I don’t want you to worry about anything else, alright?”

He nods. “I love you. I always have. I always will.”

“I love you,” she says, and leans down to press a kiss to his lips.   “We’re going to get through this. Our track record for getting through tough shit is at one hundred percent.  I want to keep it that way.”

“Yeah…” he closes his eyes as she rests her forehead against his. “...so do I.”

[silver9mm]

hallo silver, ol' bean. Give us another random fact with 'wine,' and periwinkle.

BEAN

Periwinkle- What was your first impression of your best friend? that would be @liber000 and i was like, holy shit i’ve never seen anyone’s aura that colour gold before, also he looks like a spooky angel. 

Wine- Give a random fact about yourself.gosh i am the least interesting person ummmm a lot of my ‘facts’ are mostly OCD stuff or irrational schizophrenia symptoms, or things that aren’t that cool to know like i’ve never held down a job for more than nine consecutive months... it’s been five hours and i still can’t think of anything. you guys know all the random shit about me---i’ve got 3k+ books in my house, i met my husband on tumblr, i’ve had the same email addy for 20 years, i’ve kept my nails painted for 6 years now, one of my fics is as long+ as A Tale of Two Cities. ...Hey my hair has finally grown past the bottom of my butt, that’s pretty cool (and dangerous, i tell you what). Here’s something new, I’m having the best time on Gurushots, this photography “game” site. I’m up on “Expert” level and will probably never get to “Guru” status...but it’s fun to try, and enter challenges and vote, etc. I’m Silvershot there.

purple asks

[charsimatic]

First 25 for Avery and second 25 for Adelynn for the 50 questions

How does your muse feel about seafood?

“I like shrimp....”

What is their favorite piece of technology?

“My tablet! I play games on it, but I also use it for school and talking to my friends!”

When did they lose their virginity?

“I haven’t yet! I’m only 12!”

Was their anything their parents pushed them to do? (e.g. sports, theatre, band)

“They push me to do my best in cheer and school.”

Describe your muse’s worst nightmare.

“Losing my family! I love them all so much, I can’t even imagine life without them.”

What is a deal-breaker when it comes to dating someone?

“He has to be cute and funny. If he isn’t, that’s a deal breaker. I have Bash and he’s both cute and funny!”

What was the most embarrassing moment in your muse’s life?

“I accidentally farted in front of Bash! But I blamed it on Brooklyn. It was still embarrassing though.”

What keeps your muse up at night?

“My games! I don’t want to put them down sometimes!”

What chronic illnesses does your muse have, if any?

“I don’t have any!”

Does your muse get carsick?

“Uh huh. My mom gives me medicine and a special bracelet that helps me though.”

Does your muse wear glasses/contacts?

“Nope!”

What are some warning signs that your muse is getting depressed?

“I just get really quiet and cry. Oh, mom says that’s just sadness and not depression. I don’t have that.”

What is your muse’s favorite candy?

“Nerds!”

Does your muse have a “victory song” and if so, what is it?

“I really, really like “No Tears Left To Cry” by Ariana Grande! I wanna see her in concert!”

Who do they tend to bicker with the most?

“Addie, Noah, and Brooklyn. Addie and I just fight cause we’re different. Noah is a boy and really annoying, and Brooklyn never really leaves me alone!”

Has your muse ever been hospitalized or institutionalized?

“Nope.”

Does your muse pray, whether it be to a god or some other force?

“We pray over dinner every night, and I pray before I go to bed. We don’t go to church a lot, but mom and dad like to pray.”

Has your muse ever lived in poverty?

“No!”

Do they have any distinct voice mannerisms? (e.g. saying ‘like’ or ‘um’ a lot, stutters)

“I say ‘like’ a LOT. I also say ‘whatev’ when people are annoying me and it seems to make them mad!”

Where are your muse’s ancestors from? Do they keep any of their traditions?

“Mom says we’re European.”

When did your muse learn about sex?

“We had a class in fifth grade. Mommy says I’m too young for it right now, and I think so too, and she said I should wait for someone I love.”

What is your muse most thankful for?

“My family, my friends, and my cheer team!”

What shoe size is your muse?

“I’m a 5!”

Does your muse hate their middle name? \ What is it?

“My middle name is Faith. I like it. It reminds me of praying.”

How many hours a day do they spend on the internet/watching TV?

“Only a couple. Mom likes us to play outside, and when school starts I’m usually at practice or doing homework.”

Does your muse have any trophies?

”I have a lot of dance trophies! I’ve been dancing since I was 3. I really love it and I hope I can keep getting trophies for it!”

If your muse was given the opportunity to go sky diving, would they?

”I dunno, maybe when I’m older. It looks scary.”

What is the most common lie your muse tells themselves?

”That I’ll do my homework later. I won’t! I forget!”

Has your muse ever had a pet? If so, what type?

”We have a doggie and we MIGHT get another one!”

Who was your muse’s first kiss?

”I kissed Jordan once.”

What is your muse’s first memory?

”Seeing Noah at the hospital with my mom!”

How does your muse feel about crocs?

”I have a pair, they’re pretty comfortable. Emily says their hideous.”

What are your muse’s biggest pet peeves?

”When people are mean. People are mean to me a lot, and I see people picking on other kids at school and it makes me so mad.”

What was your muse’s happiest birthday?

”The one where we went roller skating!”

Does your muse cross their legs/ankles when they sit?

”I do. A young lady should, especially when she’s wearing a dress.”

What simple task is your muse surprisingly bad at?

”Um....math?”

Did your muse ever own a Tamagatchi?

”We got one for a back-to-school present! Avery’s is blue, she named him Fred. Mine is pink and I named her Ella.”

What was your muses’s first job?

”Do chores count?”

Does your muse usually go for truth or dare?

”Truth. Dares are embarrassing. I don’t like that game.”

Has your muse ever been to a concert?

”Not yet.”

What is your muse’s favorite holiday?

”Christmas AND Halloween! I can’t decide!”

Does your muse reply to scary chain emails/messages?

”No, I delete them.”

Describe the first person your muse remembers losing.

”Great Grandma. I don’t remember her a lot, but mom says she loved us.”

Would your muse ever roleplay?

”Is that like, dressing up as a tv character?”

What is your muse’s Hogwarts house?

”I think I’m Ravenclaw. A test told me that.”

What is your muse’s first thought upon waking up?

”My blankets are comfy.”

Name a song your muse can sing every word to.

”Champion by Carrie Underwood!”

Who would your muse sacrifice themselves for, if anybody?

”My sisters and brother.”

How long is your muse’s penis? || What bra size is your muse?

”I don’t wear those yet...”

If your muse could rid the world of one thing, what would it be?

“People being mean.”

[leoinjapan]

~ the end / ～終わり

right now i am tucked into bed back in my little hometown in torquay, thousands of miles from tokyo. this will be my last post on this blog (for now.) enjoy!

on the 21st july i went to kitasenju with friends, for my first hanabi taikai (fireworks show), which are very popular in the summer months. this show was so jampacked there was so space for the kind of little festival that usually goes on at these events, but it was still a great show with some stunning displays. it’s always nice to hang with friends!

i also went to fuji-q highland with friends, which is a very famous rollercoaster park near mt fuji. it has a rollercoaster with the steepest incline drop in the world. however, my favourite ride was called eejanaika (roughly translated by me as “isn’t that a bit whaaaat?”) which you definitely might utter upon seeing it. here is a video:

the park also has a section for my favourite anime ever called evangelion world! it had rough designs to see, and also large models and a projection show as well as recreations of the setting which were great to walk around

i also went to team borderless exhibition at the mori building in odaiba, which was full of digital art. it was a very surreal and beautiful experience that i will remember for a long time.

now for the trip to korea. strap in because this may take a while, i will try to be concise!

me and my friend arrived in seoul very early, and i don’t think i slept, so it was due to be an exhausting day. we thought we could buy a sim or portable wifi when we got there, but we found it was pretty expensive and so we decided just to rely on wifi we found on our way... which was pretty stressful but also a bit of an adventure.

we went on a bus to gangnam because we weren’t sure where to go at first. on the bus, a man who spoke fluent english gave us some suggestions where to go. he was extremely kind and i’m seriously grateful to him for putting us at ease when we had no knowledge of the place or the language!

gangnam is mainly just shops, which we weren’t that interested in at that moment, so we headed instead to our hotel to drop off our bags. i had thought that seoul and tokyo would be kind of similar, but they really aren’t. in seoul, people look at you a lot more, and are a bit more blunt (and sometimes rude-) but then out of nowhere they will turn into the kindest and most generous people you can meet.

me and my friend walked down insadong, a cute street with lots of crafts shops and stuff near our hotel. i walked into a store with bts merch because, well, bts, and the owner made a very enthusiastic attempt at english with me. i could barely read hangul (korean alphabet) at the time but he went through the map and made me read out all the important places on the map (my reading skills definitely improved under pressure). many people i met in korea were like this, going straight up to me and initiating a conversation with no pretenses, asking me about britain and how to pronounce english swear words. the vibe was completely different from tokyo.

in the evening me and my friend went to dongdaemun, famous for its fashion and music. i didn’t buy any clothes but i did have an amazing bowl of sulbing (shaved ice) with matcha, mochi and red bean. one of the best desserts i’ve had in my life!

near our hotel is one of seoul’s most popular palaces, gyeongbokgung. me and a friend paid to rent hanbok (korea’s national dress) so we could enter the palace for free and see the changing of the guard.

the palace was beautiful, with similar architecture to japan but with much more vibrant, pastel-like colours.

here you can see me in the hanbok passing through the gay initiation rainbow arch before i became a fully fledged gay. jk, we just found a random temple near our hotel that was really beautiful

i got heat exhaustion from walking around in 35C heat in the hanbok, but i recovered in time to go to itaewon in the evening where we went to a korean barbeque. unfortunately i could not afford the korean premium beef, but the beef i had was very good. after we found the street full of gay bars. we were called into a bar by a very flamboyant man, but it became clear no one could speak english except the bartender, who was busy but i still got to have a decent chat with. it was nice just to have a glimpse of the scene.

the next day we went to the national museum of korea. i always love a good museum, but i particularly loved the buddhist art and statues, since it’s a personal interest of mine! korea has such a complex history that i could not absorb it all going through the museum; i would love to study it in more detail.

afterwards we went to hongdae, the student district, which is full of cheap but trendy clothes. i got some cute earrings. i had a great drink at the coffee bean and tea leaf cafe. then we had fried chicken and beer at bbq, which is not a bbq, but a famous fried chicken place in korea. it was the best fried chicken i’ve ever had, the batter was made with olive oil and was to die for!

we barely had time but we rushed to seoul tower, which was only open for a little while longer. we went up to the top and had a brilliant view of the city lit up at night.

the next day we caught the bus to busan, the second largest city in south korea. the bus was pretty cheap actually, and comfy. if seoul was a bit grittier than tokyo, busan was even more so; it’s not so clean and the people side eye you a bit more. (some even refused to sit near us!) we didn’t have much time there but we headed to the hotel first to drop off our stuff, and then went to gamcheon cultural village, about an hour from the hotel by metro.

gamcheon is a village full of beautiful pastel houses and arts, crafts and murals. though it is still a residential area and some parts are off limits, there is a thriving tourism here. the residents were very friendly (though i had the feeling they were laughing at our tourist ways.)

i could have spent longer there, but it was quite a hike to get there and we had somewhere else we wanted to go before sundown: haedong yonggungsa, a buddhist temple at the other end of busan. on the train we went. it was a bit of trouble to get there by bus, but a friendly stranger helped us find the way. i am so glad we decided to go because it is the most beautiful temple i have seen so far.

the temple is built into this cliff above the sea. the sound of the crashing waves is supposed to calm and stimulate the mind when meditating. i did a bit of meditating myself on the rocks and it was a wonderful experience. seeing beautiful structures like this puts me at such ease with the world.

that night we went to the beach and just walked around on the sand, listening to the waves and watching the bright lights of the city’s entertainment district. we found a restaurant and i had korean beef and avacado rice with soju (god that stuff tastes bad straight.) my friend got very drunk.

at the hotel we had a jacuzzi, so i got in it for a while before going to sleep. the next morning we had no time to do anything but get to the coach station ready for our bus back to seoul.

once we got back to seoul we were planning to look around a bit more, but got an email from our flight company saying our flight was cancelled due to typhoon. we wanted to see if we could change to an earlier flight so we rushed to the airport, but nope, they were all cancelled. we would have to wait in the airport overnight for a flight the next day. i was gutted because i wanted to do some things in tokyo before i went back to the uk the day after, but now i had no time.

one silver lining of this was that i got to go into a jimjilbang, a korean spa, at the airport. it was pretty cheap for the service we got for a few hours. i was a bit anxious about going into the mens only baths, being a trans man, but in the end nobody cared, or at worst just looked at me a bit longer than usual. that might have just been because i was white though

you go into the changing area, strip and walk into the baths. i couldn’t see anything without my glasses so that helped my anxiety a bit. i went into the shower and showered off (which was great since i had been very stressed and tired.) i didn’t get in the bath but used all of the skin and hair products i could get my hands on, before going into the sleeping area in the pyjamas provided. the sleeping area is just full of mats and floor recliners. i got a couple hours kip before i went to see my friend off for her flight, then i had mine a few hours later.

packing and clearing out my room on the last day was very stressful, and i had to extend my deadline for moving out, but i eventually did it. i mailed my health insurance card back to the government and then headed to the airport, which was a very sweaty and exhausting journey, but not as exhausting as navigating the crappy british train system when i got back. shout out to my bestie addie for taking the stuff i couldn’t fit in my suitcase back with her!

it’s hard to summarize what an amazing year this has been for me. i learned so much about japan and its surrounding countries, about people, about the world, and about myself. to be in a place where i was thousands of miles from everyone i know was exciting and freeing. i met some of the most amazing people on the planet and grew so much in confidence and maturity. at the beginning of the year i had been afraid i would be disappointed by the experience, that going to the place i always dreamed to go would end up being tiring and i had been just romanticizing the place too much. however, though it was different to how i imagined in many ways, it was breathtaking to see and learn things i had always dreamed of. to look around and realize you have achieved your dreams is a very surreal feeling. somehow it feels like only the beginning.

thank you for sticking with me. i hope i can write one of these blogs again one day!

[imnotinclinedtomaturity]

Love Yourself (Chapter 4)

title: Love Yourself summary: A lot of things about Dan’s life are pretty great. He gets to make the music he wants, he’s got a great fanbase, and his manager is his best friend. A few things about his life suck a bit more. He’s currently lacking inspiration, he’s rather lonely, and he’s stuck in a rut. Dan’s been going to the same coffee shop for years. It’s quiet, it’s quaint, it’s near his home. Most importantly: none of the employees give a shit that’s he a world-famous singer. Things change when he meets the new barista. chapter words: 5.9k story words: 15k (so far) chapter: 4/? rating: t warnings: language genre: singer!dan, coffee shop au, barista!phil, slow burn [[ao3]] [[previous chapter]] [[first chapter]]

He hadn’t planned on spending Wednesday night at Isabella’s, but, well… by the time she was done celebrating, he was exhausted and more than a little tipsy.

The next morning was slow; it was rare that their schedules allowed them to lounge in bed in the morning. Regardless of the day of the week, at least one of them usually had a meeting, or a shoot, or a rehearsal to go to. But on that morning, Isabella only got out of bed briefly, just to fetch two cups of coffee and the television remote, before settling back in between Dan’s legs with her back pressed warmly against his bare stomach. Without asking, she put on some inane reality show, but Dan was content to endure it in exchange for intimacy. During moments like this, Dan could feel his hesitations about his relationship with Isabella melt away.

He’d gotten into a bit of a fight about it with Louise earlier that week.

Well, fight might have been a strong word. It was more of an impassioned disagreement.She’d demanded that he explain what he saw in Isabella, what could possibly make up for the (admittedly large) amount of bullshit she pulled.

“It’s nice,” he’d said. “Having someone who’s always willing to try new restaurants or bars with me.” He’d paused then, trying to figure out how to say what he was thinking. “And the physical stuff, too. It’s nice to have that.”

Louise had promptly informed him that 1) she was always willing to try any new restaurant with him and 2) if he was looking for sex, all he had to do was go to a bar and actually talk to someone.

He’d been unable to articulate it then, but this was it. This was the reason he “overlooked all of her shit” (Louise’s words, not his). Random sex from a bar wouldn’t result in easy, intimate mornings like this. Random sex from a bar wouldn’t result in finding someone who was willing to stick around, willing to overlook his shit. Random sex from a bar was just that: sex. No romance, no affection, no dates. Just sex.

Eventually, though, the morning had to end. They had to get out of bed and begin their days. By the time Dan had pulled his jeans on and Isabella had begun her makeup routine, the spell was broken.

Friday night came faster than Dan anticipated. Thursday morning’s lie in meant he was playing catch up for the next day and a half. He had half a dozen emails to respond to about an upcoming demo, and he was supposed to have three new songs samples in a month and a half. Currently he had a few melodies and a few lyrics, just nothing that went together.

At five, Dan forced himself to put his guitar down — not that he’d been terribly successful in writing anything — and shower. He’d agreed to meet Isabella at her apartment at half past six so they could go to the restaurant together.

For once in Dan’s life, he was actually ready for an event early; he had almost half an hour to kill. He considered having a drink while he waited until an appropriate time to leave, but he interrupted his own thought with a yawn. Coffee, then.

He grabbed Addie’s present and his coat on the way out the door, not bothering to pull it on. As soon as Dan stepped outside and felt the frigid London air, he regretted not taking the moment to put his coat on, even if he was only going half a block to Beans and Grind.

Inside the coffee shop was warm though. Someone had lit the fireplace and the lights were softer than normal. But warmest of all, Phil was behind the counter.

“Don’t you look fancy,” Phil greeted him, his eyes slowly sweeping over his body as he took in his outfit. “I like the monochrome patterned shirt. It suits you.”

Dan squirmed under Phil’s gaze and ran a self-conscious hand down the lapels of his suit.

“It’s my sister’s birthday,” Dan supplied.

“Ah, I remember you mentioning that was this weekend.”

Dan nodded, astonished Phil had remembered something he’d said so quickly in passing, literally on his way out the door.

“So,” Phil’s voice tore Dan out of his thoughts. “What’s your evening order? I hope you aren’t planning to have a triple espresso at this hour.”

“Shut up, Dad. I can make my own bad decisions if I want.” Phil cocked an eyebrow and studied Dan for a moment, but otherwise didn’t respond. Dan had only managed to fluster himself. “Um, I mean, I’ll just have a single espresso, thanks.”

Phil chuckled and reached for the smaller to-go cup.

“No!” Phil startled at Dan’s outburst. “Um, for here, actually. I have a bit of time to kill before dinner.”

Phil grabbed a small mug and began making Dan’s coffee with practiced ease. “Dan Howell? Early? Is the world ending?”

“Hey! I won’t stand for being bullied. I’ll go find a different coffee shop.”

There was a flicker of panic in Phil’s eyes, so brief Dan questioned whether he imagined it, before he let out a hearty laugh. Normally, Phil covered his mouth when he laughed, but both of his hands were busy with the machine. Dan’s eyes were quickly drawn down to his mouth; he had to tear his gaze away when Phil started speaking.

“Good luck, mate. I don’t think there are any other quiet hipster coffee shops within one block of your flat, but you can try.”

Dan rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Just give me my coffee, you spoon.”

Obediently, Phil dumped a bit of sugar into Dan’s coffee and slid it across the counter at the same time Dan reached for the drink, far too restless to sit still. The movement forced their fingers into contact as Dan’s hand landed on top of Phil’s against the side of the hot mug. For a second, both boys stilled. Dan’s eyes flickered down to their hands and back up to Phil’s face. He had the urge push the mug away and tangle his fingers with Phil’s, but he couldn’t.

Where did that come from?

With a shy smile, Dan pulled his drink away and sat on the same stool as last time and took a large sip. Unfortunately, the temperature took Dan by surprise, and he sputtered as he tried to swallow his mouthful of coffee so he could open his mouth and pant.

Great, now I look like a deranged dog.

“Jesus fucking hell, god damn, that’s hot.” The part of Dan that didn’t feel on fire had half the sense to be embarrassed at his outburst. Phil, on the other hand, looked like he was doing everything he could to keep from laughing.

“Phillllll, I’m in paainnnn.” Dan’s high pitch whine broke the little composure Phil still had.

“What—did—you—expect?” Phil’s words came out in a staccato, punctuated by laughter. “The water—it was just boiling.”

Through his laughter, Phil filled a small cup with ice and handed it to Dan, who gratefully popped one in his mouth.

Dan held Phil’s gaze as they both lost control of their laughter, unable to look away from the giggling man in front of him; Phil didn’t break eye contact either. Their laughter subsided, but Dan continued to smile at Phil, lost in the moment.

Eventually — whether it minutes or hours or years later, Dan didn’t know — Phil snapped his eyes away, suddenly growing red in the face.

Roughly, Phil cleared his throat and looked back at Dan, not quite meeting his eyes. “So, tell me about your sister.”

Dan smiled. He was slowly getting used to this — used to the fact that someone besides Louise wanted to learn everything about him. But Dan felt it too. The more he talked to Phil, the more he wanted to get to know him.

“Hmm… She’s younger than me, she’s turning eighteen today.”

“Oh wow, that’s a big age difference. Like five years? My brother and I are only two apart.”

“That must be nice. I feel like when I left home she was still a child and now she’s not. I want to get to know her as, you know, an adult, but it’s hard. I keep a weird schedule.”

“That’s hard. It’s good that you want to spend more time with her, though. Hopefully you can, when she doesn’t have as strict of a school schedule. Has she thought about uni yet?”

“Yeah, she’s thinking of Imperial, actually, which would be nice. She’d be a lot closer so I could maybe hang out with her more. Plus, it’s a really good school.”

“No kidding. What’s she interested in?” Phil snuck a muffin out of the display case to munch on.

“Honestly, I’m don’t really know. She’s told me about it a few times, but… I know it has something to do with robots.”

“Like Big Hero 6?”

“That’s what I said!!!” Dan took a tentative sip of his coffee, hoping it had cooled enough to drink. “She’s always been more academic than me. Fuck, I didn’t even make it through a semester of uni before I dropped out to give music a go.”

“That worked out pretty well for you, I’d say.” Dan chuckled, looking down at the calluses on his hands from playing the guitar.

“Yeah, I suppose it did. What about you? Did you do the whole uni thing?”

Phil picked off a bit of his muffin. “I did. Twice actually.”

Dan was impressed, albeit bewildered. How could anyone stomach that much school? “Twice? In what?”

“I got my bachelors in english language and linguistics, and then I ended up getting a masters in video post-production.”

Dan’s jaw dropped. “You have a masters? And you’re working in a coffee shop?”

“Erm,” Phil muttered, looking uncomfortable Shit that was probably so rude. Dan snuck a bite of Phil’s muffin, needing to do something with his hands.

“Excuse you!” Phil playfully batted Dan’s hand away. “Keep your paws off my food, don’t you have your own dinner to go to?”

“Oh shit!” Dan looked at his watch. “I’m supposed to be at Isabella’s in five minutes.” Frantically, Dan pulled his phone out and ordered an Uber; luckily it wasn’t busy and the nearest car was only two minutes away.

“Ah yes, there’s the Dan Howell I know. I knew the early thing had to be a one-off.” Dan dropped a tenner on the bar. It was that or scrounge together coins to make £4.

“I thought I told you to not make fun of me, Philip.” Dan’s phone dinged, announcing that his Uber was approaching. “I gotta run. Seen you soon?” Dan wasn’t sure why it came out as a question — they’d long since passed the point where they were unsure if they’d see each other again.

“You know where to find me, Daniel. Have a good dinner with your sister!”

Dan smiled and waved as he attempted to back out of the door. Unable to do anything gracefully, he rammed his shoulder into the doorframe. Oof.

“Dan! Watch where you’re going. Turn around and get out of here before you’re even later!”

“Yeah, yeah. Have a good night, Phil.”

As Dan climbed in the Uber, he couldn’t help but think that he’d much rather spend the rest of his evening at Beans and Grind than sit through what was sure to be an uncomfortable evening juggling his family and Isabella.

Instead, Dan texted Isabella to let her know he was on the way. He hoped she’d be ready when they arrived and would meet him outside, but months of picking her up didn’t give Dan much faith.

As expected, Isabella told him to come upstairs because she “wanted to see what he was wearing so they could match.” Disgruntled, Dan got out of the car and half-jogged into the lobby.

I really should put that damn coat on.

Dan’s hands were empty, save for Adaline’s present. Oh shit. He thought back — he’d definitely had it when he left his flat, and he’d laid it on the stool next to him at Beans and Grind and — yup, that’s definitely where it is.

He glanced at his watch — they only had twenty minutes to get to the restaurant and apparently Izzy wasn’t even dressed yet. Well fuck. Too late to do anything about the coat now.

When Dan let himself into Isabella’s apartment, he found she wasn’t in the lounge or the bathroom.

“Izzy?”

“In the bedroom. Get in here.” Isabella snapped from the room over.

When Dan entered the bedroom, he found Isabella staring at four dresses she’d laid out on the bed, each a variation of the same dress. All of the dresses were form fitting, had low necklines, and only reached mid-thigh at best. None of them screamed “introduce me to your parents in this.” Wordlessly, Dan made a beeline for her closet and riffled through the many, many dresses.

“Here, wear this one.” He pulled out a simple black dress. Unlike the dresses on the bed, the dress had a higher neckline and flared out at the waist. “You wanted to match, it’ll go with my shirt. And plus, you won’t look…” Dan cut himself off.

“Look what?”

“Um, it’ll be a looser dress, that’s all.”

“What?” Isabella’s tone was cold, condescending. “Don’t want me to look like a puta?”

Dan held his hands up in surrender. “No, no, that’s not what I was saying. You know I like those dresses, they’re sexy. But maybe sexy isn’t the right look when you’re meeting my family?”

Isabella’s face softened a little, and she plucked the dress out of Dan’s hand. “Fine, I guess you’re right.” She sounded resigned. “I do want to make a good impression on your family.”

Luckily, Isabella had already done her hair and makeup and only needed to pull on her dress and shoes. They were out the door and in another Uber (Select this time, of course) in a record 15 minutes.

For once, London traffic wasn’t too horrific, and they were only seven minutes late to their reservation. He’d hoped his family would already be seated, but they were stood by the door, waiting for Dan and Isabella to arrive.

“Addie! Happy birth—” Dan started to say, but was cut off by his mother.

“Daniel James Howell, where is your coat? It’s minus two outside!” His mother scolded him.

“I know, mother. I forgot it.” He could practically see the lecture forming in his mother’s head, so he did the only thing he could think of to derail it. “Everyone, this is Isabella. Isabella, meet my Mum, Dad, and sister, Adaline.”

Isabella graciously greeted his family, kissing each of them on the cheek with soft exclamations of hola preciosa and comó estás señor? in her full Spanish charm.

I guess she was serious about this making a good impression thing.

“Mr. Howell, thank you for dining with us tonight. Your table is right this way, sir.”

The host guided them to a small alcove in the back. When Dan made the reservation, he’d mentioned that he was coming for a birthday, so the restaurant must have taken care to reserve one of the more private tables.

“Will this be suitable?”

“Yes, definitely. Thank you.” Dan pulled a chair out for his sister. Isabella huffed quietly, pulling her own chair out to sit. Their waitress approached as soon as they were settled in.

“Good evening, my name is Ellie and I’ll be your server tonight. Can I get you started with something to drink?”

“A sparkling water, San Pellegrino if you have it, two ice cubes,” Isabella answered before anyone else had the opportunity to think.

“And I think normal water for the rest of us.” Dan looked at his family for confirmation; all three of them nodded, looking a little perplexed.

“Can I get you any wine or cocktails tonight?”

Dan handed the alcohol menu to his sister. “I’m sure we will, but I think the birthday girl needs a moment to decide.”

“Not a problem, I’ll be back with your waters.”

When the waitress left, Adaline whispered to Dan, “I’m not sure what to order, really. I’ve only had cheap vodka with my friends and boxed wine.”

Dan laughed, eyeing his parents to make sure he didn’t draw too much attention to Adaline’s confession. “Anything here will be better than those, I promise. How’d you like wine?”

Adaline flipped the menu over to look at the wine list. “It was fine? I liked the red one more than the white.”

Dan smiled and leaned closer to look at the menu over with her. “Me too. I recommend a chianti, since we are at an Italian restaurant.”

Adaline looked at the long list of chianti options on the menu. “Jesus, how do you pick one?”

With a shrug, Dan confessed, “Honestly, I usually pick based on which name I like best.”

Adaline stifled a giggle. “Okay, then, the Bellini Chianti it is. It’s the only one I can pronounce.”

“Perfect, that’s exactly how I’d make a decision too.”

Setting the wine list on the edge of the table, Dan and Adaline tuned back into the table’s conversation. Isabella was currently talking about her photoshoot with Vogue for the upcoming issue. Both of his parents were trying to show polite interest, but Dan could see the slightly glazed over look in his dad’s eyes and the forced smile on his mum’s face. Dan was saved from having to intervene in the conversation when the waitress brought their waters.

“Did you decide on something else to drink?”

Dan gestured to Adaline, encouraging her to order. “Um, we’ll have a bottle of the Bellini Chianti, please.”

Dan glanced around and did a quick mental tally. A singular bottle of wine meant, what? A third of a glass each? That won’t do. Surreptitiously, he tried to catch the waitress’ attention. He held up two fingers, shaking his head, hoping she’d understand that he wanted two bottles, not one. Whatever, I’m picking up the check anyways.

The waitress seemed to catch on to Dan’s message. “Okay, so two bottles of the Bellini? Five glasses?”

“Yes, please,” Dan answered before Isabella could do something humiliating, like order a separate white wine.

When the waitress left, Dan’s mum launched into a story about their family dog, who apparently had eaten the birthday cake the neighbors brought Adaline earlier in the week.

It was nice. Dan was happy to be able to spend time with his family again, happy to hear about what he’d missed out on. Between a mini UK tour and promotion events, he’d been traveling a lot of the past six months. By the time their wine came, the conversation had turned to the topic of Adaline’s uni applications. Apparently she’d turned them all in just a few weeks ago and was anxiously waiting to hear the results.

Dan caught the waitress’s attention before she could leave.“Sorry, but can I get a small cup of ice, please?” The waitress nodded and promised to be back with it in a minute.

“What do you need ice for, Danny? You hate cold red wine.” Isabella cooed, running her sharp nails lightly down his arm.

Dan winced at the comment and tried not to look at his parents. He couldn’t help feeling like Isabella was rapidly alternating between trying too hard and being, well, Isabella. Undoubtedly, his parents were seeing through the facade and catching glimpses of how difficult his girlfriend could be.

“It’s kind of cringey,” Dan responded. “I was having a coffee earlier and drank it too soon after it was made and burned my tongue. I’m such a fail.”

“Oh, were you at that coffee place again, babe?” Isabella sounded nice, curious even, on the surface level, but he could hear the tense annoyance underneath. I hope everyone else doesn’t realize.

Rather than risking saying the wrong thing — even though Dan technically didn’t have anything to apologize for — he simply nodded.

“Wow, babe, you’ve been spending an awful lot of time there recently.” This time, the judgment, the annoyance, the skepticism was transparent enough that other people noticed — or at least his mother did. Her head tilted to the side, eyes flickering back and forth between Dan and Isabella, as she silently questioned Isabella’s passive aggressive comment.

He knew Isabella was possessive when it came to his time, and he knew he’d been spending an increasing amount of it at Beans and Grind. She’d hinted a few times that she wasn’t thrilled about how much time he was spending at that mediocre coffee place when they could be going out somewhere nice together, but her hints were never this blatant.

Their waitress must have a fucking sixth sense or something though, because she appeared just as Dan’s mum was about to say something about the coffee shop comment.

“Can I start you with an appetizer?” The waitress was poised with her notebook in hand.

“Yeah,” Dan picked up his menu. “We’ll have the bruschetta and the caprese salad,” he said, rattling off the first two appetizers that caught his eye.

“I’ll get that right out.” The waitress nodded with a smile, politely excusing herself.

Relieved, Dan put his menu back down again, hoping that the interruption would be enough to encourage a subject change. Unfortunately for him, Isabella immediately started talking again. Fuck me.

Isabella ran her fingers through the ends of Adaline’s hair. “Love, why don’t we have a girls’ day for your birthday? You know, a shorter haircut and a manicure would really go a long way for you. ”

To her credit, Adaline laughed off the comment. “I prefer my hair long. I cut it short when I was 15 and it was a trainwreck. And I don’t usually bother with nail polish. It chips too quickly since I spend so much time working with robot parts.”

“You work with your hands? Ay, querida, you are much too pretty to have to work with your hands.”

Dan honestly wasn’t sure which family member was closest to breaking into a rant on feminism and gender roles.

Where the fuck is that waitress now?

Unfortunately, the waitress — and social salvation — was nowhere to be found. By the time the waitress finally did reappear with the appetizers, Isabella had gone on to say at least five more borderline offensive things, ranging from offering his mum a better hair colorist who knew how to naturally color in grey, to recommending her tailor to his dad because his suit just didn’t fit right.

While the rest of the family was enjoying their cheese and carbs, Isabella was looking over the menu. Eventually, she reached over primly with her fork and stabbed the single spring of (decorative) arugula on the plate of bruschetta.

“Danny,” she whined. “Why did you pick an Italian restaurant. You know I don’t eat carbs.”

Dan accidentally caught his sister’s eye. Her eyes rolled so dramatically that he could barely see anything but the whites of her eyes. It was a look he’d seen many times on camera and in gifs; apparently he made that exact face a lot. Like brother like sister, it would seem.

“Do you know if eggplant parmesan has carbs in it?” Dan had to look away from Adaline; they were both too close to losing their composure and laughing. Isabella didn’t seem to notice though. She was typing away on her phone, not even bothering to try to hide it beneath the table.

“Dannnyyyyy,” she whined. “Google says that eggplant parmesan has, like, seventeen grams of carbs in it! There is nothing on this menu that fits with my low carb diet.”

Next to him, Adaline was hiding her fit of laughter in her napkin. Meanwhile, Dan could feel, more than see, the outraged look on his mother’s face.

“Um…” Dan tried to find something, anything, to salvage this moment, but his mother cut him off first.

“Sorry dear, but in this family, our favorite food group is carbs.”

“Very true, Mum. I can barely go a meal without carbs, much less a day. I can’t imagine starting the day with anything other than a nice bowl of Crunchy Nut.” Adaline chimed in. She exaggeratedly scrutinized the menu. “Oh, Isabella, good news! There are some salad options that probably don’t have any carbs. Look, there’s a garden salad… wait, no that has croutons. I guess those count as a carb, huh? I suppose you could just push those off.”

Isabella was seething next to him. Given her history, Dan was honestly floored that she hadn’t taken the bait yet. Clearly she must be trying even harder to impress his family than he’d thought — not that she was doing a good job as it was, but jesus christ, she must really be trying if she wasn’t throwing a temper tantrum.

She primly folded her menu and sat it on the edge of the table. “You’re right.” Her voice was dripping with forced niceness. “I think I’ll have a garden salad, without the croutons of course. Thank you for suggesting it, Adalina.”

In almost perfect synchronization, all four of their heads snapped to look at her.

“It’s Adaline, actually.” Her voice was dripping sarcasm that she didn’t bother to hide. “But you’re welcome for the suggestion, Izzy.”

Could this be going any worse?

Mercifully, mercifully, the waitress chose that moment to come back to take their dinner orders, turning to Adaline first.

“I will have the fettucini alfredo, please. Does that come with bread?”

“Yes, miss,” the waitress responded.

Isabella may not have been taking the bait, but it was clear that Adaline was.

“How many pieces of bread does it come with?”

The waitress looked thrown by the question. “I believe two.”

Adaline pretended to seriously consider this information. “I don’t think that will do. What do you think, Danny, should we get an extra order of bread for the table?”

“Oh yes,” his dad chimed in, “that’s a lovely suggestion. Can you add extra cheese to it?”

Isabella was practically vibrating with anger. Never once in the eight months Dan had known her had he seen her this mad and not screaming. But she wasn’t. Her hands were folded in her lap — well, clenched, more like, and she ordered her meal through equally clenched teeth. But she wasn’t screaming.

“The garden salad. No croutons, no side of bread. Some of us care about our figure.”

Yikes, there it is.

“Yeah, I guess I’m just not very vain,” Adaline said with a shrug.

“I am not vain.” Isabella was on the verge of screaming now. “I am—”

“Anyway,” Dan cut in. “I going to Germany for a charity concert in two months, let’s talk about that.”

“What kind of charity is it?” His mother latched onto the conversation, whether it was because she was interested or because she also wanted to avoid a scene, he didn’t care.

“It’s a fundraiser for youth mental health services. I know I just got back from traveling a lot, but it’s a good cause that I’m passionate about, so I decided to do it.”

While Isabella seethed quietly, his family excitedly asked about the concert. What’s the charity’s name? Do you know who else is singing? Where in Germany?

“When exactly is it?”

“The 15th of March.”

“Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan.” Adaline tugged impatiently on the sleeve of his suit. “That’s a Saturday.”

Dan gasped in fake surprise. “Is it really? I had no idea.”

Adaline shot him an exasperated look. “Daaannnn…”

Chuckling, Dan crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows. “Do you want something, Adaline?”

“You know what I want.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Well,” Dan reached under his chair. “This was supposed to wait until after dessert, because that’s how birthdays work, but I guess you can open this now.”

Adaline’s eyes grew wide and she made grabby hands at the present. When Dan finally let her have it, she tore the paper off the small, rectangular box instantly.

“Oh my god.” In explanation, she held up a ticket for their parents to see. “Are you serious?”

“No, Addie, it’s a joke.” Dan deadpanned. Adaline was unamused. “Seriously though, I got a free VIP ticket for a plus one since I’m technically doing this for free.”

“Oh my god, this is the best birthday present ever!” Adaline threw her arms around Dan. “Thank you thank you thank you. When are we going?”

Dan laughed, quickly hugging his little sister back. He was glad he’d managed to get her a present she’d actually enjoy, and she had been bothering Dan for ages now to let her come along to one of his shows.

“I still have a few details to work out with them. I’m not sure how early I have to be there for rehearsals, and I was hoping we could coordinate with your school schedule. But I’ll book our plane tickets when we know.”

“I can miss a day. Or two. Mum, please tell him I can miss a few days of school!”

“Well…” Their mum pretended to contemplate. “I suppose it wouldn’t do any good to send you all the way to Munich if you can’t stay for a few extra days.” Instantly, Adaline launched into a negotiation about just how many days she was allowed to miss, while their mum laughed and played along.

Suddenly, Dan felt a sharp jab in the top of his foot. The stab of a fancy stiletto heel.

“I thought you were going to take me to that concert,” Isabella hissed once she had Dan’s attention.

Dan’s brows furrowed in confusion. “I never said that. Why would you think that?” he grumbled back.

“I just assumed you’d want to have a romantic weekend away with your girlfriend, not some weird vacation with your kid sister.”

“I told you I wanted to spend more time with her!” Dan glanced around, noticing that the conversation between Adaline and his parents was dwindling. “Look, Izzy, can we not do this here please?”

“Fine.” Isabella huffed, turning away from Dan. Instead of continuing to fight Dan, she seemed to throw her energy into trying to win over his parents again. She reached out and pulled Dan’s mum’s hand across the table, holding it up to her face.

“Oh, Mrs. Howell, I adore your ring.”

“Thank you. Dan got me this one for Christmas.”

Isabella rotated her hand back a forth a few times, evaluating the shine of the ring, before releasing her hold. “It’s lovely.” She turned her attention back to Dan. “Just so you know, babe, I prefer larger, single set diamonds. With more clarity and at least two karats.”

Dan could feel the color draining from his face as the table went deathly quiet. What in the actual fuck?? He felt like introducing her to his parents was rushed, and she was thinking about engagement rings?

He had never in his life been so happy to see a goddamn salad than at that moment when the waitress sat down Isabella’s plate in front of her. The rest of their food followed, and everyone was distracted by their meals — or at least pretended to be. There were a few minutes of awkward silence, but eventually the conversation found a different topic.

The rest of the meal didn’t go any better. The entire time, Dan could feel how hard Isabella was trying to impress his family, but she was going about it the wrong way. Instead of trying to get to know them, or trying to build a connection with them, she spent the whole time bragging about her modeling career. Adaline didn’t help the situation by continuing to poke fun at Isabella — Dan really shouldn’t have found it as funny as he did.

Isabella, surprisingly, was enduring it with a tight smile. Despite having nearly erupted into multiple fits throughout the night, she managed to keep a hold on her temper. The only sign of her irritation was her grip on her wine glass becoming firmer and firmer with every joke Adaline made at Isabella’s expense. The knuckles of her hand holding the glass were actually turning white with the pressure — Dan seriously considered taking the glass from her hand, scared she would snap the stem in half. She hardly talked to Dan, though, clearly still angry with him for giving his one VIP ticket to his sister instead of her. Honestly though, Dan was thankful for her silence.

Finally, dinner drifted to an end, and they ordered dessert. Over the tiramisu — which Isabella rudely refused to eat, of course — Adaline opened the rest of her presents. Dan was amazed that Isabella bothered to bring a present for Adaline. It was obvious, though, that Isabella didn’t remember anything that Dan had ever told her about Adaline, because if she had, she would have known that Adaline would never have any desire for a £50 card to Victoria’s Secret.

This dinner literally could not end fast enough.

As soon as the car door shut, the smile fell from Dan’s face.

“What the fuck was that, Isabella?”

Isabella’s eyes were wide and innocent. “What was what?”

“That!” Dan waved his hand in the general direction of the restaurant. “That… performanceback there. I don’t know what was worse, you insulting my family or you showing off to them.”

“Danny, I think you’re being a bit dramatic,” Isabella replied, rolling her eyes “Your mother gave me a big hug and said that it was lovely to meet me when we left.”

Dan dragged his hands down his face. “Let’s not talk about this right now.”

Rather than dropping the conversation, though, Isabella placed her hand on his knee, slowly sliding it up to gently caress his inner thigh.

“You’re right, baby. Why don’t we focus on something else, something we can agree on.”

For once, Dan really didn’t want to have sex with Isabella. Frankly, he didn’t even want to look at her. He unceremoniously shoved her hand off his thigh.

“Not tonight, Izzy.” His voice was cold, harsher than he’d ever heard it be.

Desperate for some space, Dan would have been content with the rest of the car ride being spent in silence. But space had never been Isabella’s forte. In fact, most of their fights began because Isabella refused to let things go or let Dan have a moment to fucking breathe.

So Isabella wasn’t silent. She moved from asinine topic to asinine topic, needing no encouragement from Dan. The evening’s events were playing on loop in his head, but he kept coming back to that terrifying moment where Isabella described her ideal fucking wedding ring.

What the fuck was she thinking??

When the Uber pulled up to Isabella’s apartment, she tried a second time to entice Dan. “Why don’t you come upstairs, babe? I’ll put on that little thing you like and we can do whatever you want.”

Dan leaned forward and gave the Uber driver his address.

thank you, as always, to the wonderful @auroraphilealis for helping, as always.

please like and/or reblog if you like it! as a reminder, i update once a week!

[[next chapter]]

[for-the-fantasy]

So Much Has Happened, But Nothing Has Changed. Chapter Seven.

MASTERLIST

TRIGGER WARNINGS: angsty, mentions of drug abuse, swearing. 

So hey everyone lol, or more like hey to the three people who read this! I haven’t updated in forever so who knows if you’ll even see this but this is chapter 7! Would absolutely love some feedback from you guys if you have time! <3 

The black SUV pulled up to Jared’s unkempt and lonely house, he stared out of the window, sighing at the sight of what he had to come home to. He opened the car door gingerly, grabbed his bags and made his way towards the front door.

  The house was just as he’d left it, untouched and unloved, a collection of mail had gathered at the foot of the door and Jared kicked it to one side, he traipsed into the front room and collapsed onto the couch, sheer exhaustion and withdrawal taking over. He reached over to the coffee table and pulled out a bag of white powder, a stash he’d managed to save for a rainy day. He leant back letting his body relax into the couch and shook his head, he wasn’t going to be leaving here anytime soon.

 A week and half had passed since Jared was forced to return home and he had barely left his living room, he had been all consumed by drugs and alcohol, the only thing that would take him away, if only for a while. Shannon had tried, Jordan had tried and even his mother had tried, yet no one could pull him out of his dark hole. He was left to wallow in his loneliness when he came across a tiny polaroid photo hidden at the bottom of his bedside drawer. It was of him and Addison, way before they were even together, when they were just friends. Her tiny frame wrapped up in his arms, their bodies just fitting together. They’re laughing and joking about something, maybe about Jared’s new haircut, he smiled to himself as he moved his finger over the photo, the first time in what felt like months. He remembered that day like it was yesterday, they had gone up to their ‘spot’ as they liked to call it and had spent the warm summers day without a care in the world. He hadn’t been there in years and just as he felt his eyes begin to mist over, he propped the photo up against the lamp on the bedside table. He perched himself on the end of his bed, wiping a single tear from his eyes and reaching for the phone.   ~~~     Addison was rushing around as usual, making sure Ava had her packed lunch ready and all her books and pens were packed properly in her backpack, making her sit at the table and eat her breakfast quickly, whilst also trying to get herself ready, she was rushing from room to room,   “Ava! Have you seen my other shoe?”   “No!” Ava called out from the kitchen   Addison sighed and made her way up the stairs, just as she was halfway up she heard the phone ringing from her bedroom,   “For God’s sake” she muttered, frustrated and running into her room, she crawled across the bed to reach the phone,   “Hello?” she answered, a little more aggressively than she had intended.   Silence   “Hello?” she said, louder this time “Ugh” she muttered and just as she was about to put the phone down an ever so familiar voice filled her ears   “Addison?”   the breath hitched in her throat as she lowered herself back onto the bed   “I didn’t even know if you had the same number, it’s been so long” the voice was apprehensive,   “Jared” she whispered   They were both silent, not knowing what to say Addison retracted back into herself, battling with her thoughts and the knowledge that a daughter he didn’t even know existed was just downstairs oblivious to all of this.   “I don’t know why you called here” she mustered up the courage “I can’t talk to you”   “Addison. Please. I need you. Meet me at our spot. Today at 1. Please I need you more than ever”   She closed her eyes, tears spilling over and without another word she hung up the phone.   Had that really just happened? She thought to herself. Am I dreaming?   “Mom!” Ava’s voice called up to her, snapping her out of her trance and back down to reality.   Addison took in a deep breath and wiped her eyes   “Just a second!” she called back, lifting herself slowly from the bed and making her way downstairs to continue on with her day.  

  Addison felt sick to her stomach.

  She tapped her nails on the wooden desk that she had been sat at all morning. She had been answering emails and seeing to business as usual but no matter what she did she couldn’t get that phone call out of her mind.

  “I need you more than ever.”

  Jared’s words echoed through her head, playing on a constant loop and driving her insane.

  “What?” She thought. “After all these years.”

  She took a deep breath looking up at the clock on the office wall.

  12:30 it read.

  She sighed heavily, putting her face in her hands “Oh, Jared”

  Shaking her head, she stood, grabbing her bag and coat and making her way to the door,

  “I’m taking lunch early, forward any calls to Paula” she called to her assistant, Jen, without even looking at her. She was at the door before she had even finished her sentence.

  “Am I really doing this?” she thought as she sat at the steering wheel of her car, too scared to start the engine.

  Finally, she reversed out of the parking lot and began the journey, hands shaking as she lowered her sunglasses onto her face, tears already forming in the corners of her eyes.

  As she got closer, the memories began to swirl around her mind. Easier and happier times, when Jared was just a friend, nothing more, before he became successful, before everything was ruined.

  Addie’s breath was shaky as she stopped her car at the spot. A place that once made her feel calm and peaceful now made her feel anxious and unhappy. She got out of her car, Jared was nowhere to be seen as she leant against the door, taking in what she saw. The greenery which was once rich and beautiful was now overgrown with weeds and litter. Clearly the local teenagers had found this place and used it as their own. She turned to look over the hills, the smog of the city dancing gently over them on this overcast, heavy day.

  She looked at her watch, 1:20.

  “Was he even coming?” she thought to herself “Or have I finally gone crazy and just imagined this whole thing”.

  She perched herself on the hood of her car as she heard something behind her. The sound of car wheels on the gravel and the switching off of an engine. She whipped her head round and her breath hitched in her throat.

  It was Jared. Emerging from his car. He looked the same but different. His hair was long now, tied in a messy ponytail at the nape of his neck, his blue eyes that haunted her were hidden behind dark sunglasses and he looked thinner than she remembered, his jacket and scarf hiding it well but she noticed.

  “Addison” he said quietly.

  She stood from the bonnet of her car not knowing whether to hug him or keep a safe distance.

  “How ya been?” he smiled but she didn’t buy it. “you look good”, His face, although hidden by his sunglasses, was painted with sorrow and pain.

  “Good Thanks” she was lost for words at the sight of him, “What about you?”

  “Yeah fine. Good too actually” he lied through his teeth and she still saw through it. He removed his sunglasses and there they were, those blue eyes that Ava had inherited. Addison’s mind went to Ava, a million and one thoughts rushed through her mind and she was conflicted. How could she tell him? Was he even sober? Those eyes that she had loved forever were glazed over and vacant. It made her angry. What the hell had happened to him?

  “I own a TV, Jared, I see what they say about you. Is it true?” she couldn’t help herself from saying it.

  He was taken back by the blunt question, furrowing his eyebrows, he cleared his throat.

  “Oh come on, Addie, you know they embellish those stories” he gave her a playful smile that she did not reciprocate.

  “Why did you call me here, Jared?” she narrowed her eyes and looked disapprovingly at the façade that he was trying to convince her of.

  “Addie, I’m back, I wanted to see you!” He smiled wide and moved towards her trying to get her into his grip. She pulled backwards dodging his hands and moving away from her car and making him stumble. Laughing groggily, he held his hands up, shrugging his shoulders “C’mon Addie! What, it can’t be like old times?”

  “What have you done to yourself?” she said quiet and disapproving, shaking her head “I barely recognise you” her calm was quickly turning into controlled anger, staring intently and lowering her voice, “Everything we sacrificed. Our whole relationship down the fucking drain so that you could end up like this? We couldn’t be together. I let you go so that you could be the best. So that you could make history. Now look at you! Who even are you?” emotions building, she moved closer towards him “The Jared I knew would never have let himself go like this! Falling out of fucking nightclubs with a needle sticking out of your fucking arm. You think I don’t read the articles? You think I don’t see the news? You come here as if we could just start from where we left off? You’re disgusting.”

  His eyes grew dark, a rage building inside him that Addison had never seen before. Moving intimidatingly close to the tiny blonde’s face, he saw red,  

  “And you know what you are? You’re despicable! You told me to go! You left me! I was willing to give it all up for you! I would have worked from here and not got caught up in all of the fucking bullshit. Whilst you’re telling me to look at myself why don’t you look in the fucking mirror, Addison? At least I’ve lived a fucking life. What kind of life have you lived? Still in the same fucking house! Still refusing any help with your father no doubt”—

  “Don’t you dare talk about my Dad you piece of shit.” Now almost nose to nose, Addison looked up at the hollow skin of a man she thought she loved.  

  “Why not? He’s the only thing you ever fucking talked about when we were together!” Jared moved away, kicking the ground as he stormed towards his car.

  “He died, Jared! My Dad died.” Addison shouted “He’s dead, you fucking asshole”

  The air fell silent. As they both caught their breath, Jared turned to face her, now staring at one another straight in the eyes. His expression of anger softened as the gravity of what she had told him hit. Addison shook her head, angrily wiping unwanted tears from her eyes as she moved towards her own car.  

  “Oh,Addison, stop, don’t, please, just wait a second.” He ran after her and reached for her arm, this time softly, the way he used to. Addison stopped in her tracks as she felt his familiar touch. The years fell away as she let out a breath, she closed her eyes and his voice this close in her ear made her feel as if they were ten years younger again. She turned to face him and broke. All the hurt and anger that she had been holding for so long washed away and she was brought into his familiar embrace.

  He comforted her, kissing the top of her head and rubbing his hands on her back, this is the Jared she remembered, “I had a baby, Jared” she whispered between sobs

  He didn’t hear at first, “What?” he whispered back, holding onto her upper arms as he moved her to get a better view of her face.

  “I had a baby,” she covered her face with her hands “your baby”          

[a-mad-scientist-approaches]

The Cipher Conspiracy (3)

I was going to get straight into more action for this one, but I thought I needed to pay more attention to these bits. Also, it’s quite a bit shorter than the last one.

Adeline Marks (and her parents) belong to @hntrgurl13, and the Addiford ship belongs to @scipunk63.

AO3  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14

Chapter 3: Three Plans Made

Darkwell, Oklahoma (USA)    ∆

“Still nothin’ on Stanford Pines. Apparently he just stopped existin’ after leaving the FBI five years ago for an unknown reason,” Fiddleford said.

Addi nodded distractedly, pacing their rented room in Unassuming Hotel. Marks Incorporated. She never thought she would have to deal with them again.

“Guess it’s up to the director now. Anywho, the earliest chance we have ta practise our negotiating and/or blackmailing skills on yer parents is at – oh goody, another party. Dancin’ and everything this time,”

She’d always hated their parties when she was growing up. From the moment she turned fifteen she was paraded around like some kind of show-dog. Unfortunately, the only things her mother had been interested in flaunting her for were the perks that came with a trophy marriage to a suitably wealthy and influential man. Countless faces, all much older than she had ever been, all with a much more appraising look in their eyes than was comfortable, sped through her mind. Adeline Marks, a commodity, Constance Marks’s very own bargaining chip, ready to be spent as the owner saw fit.

“It’s their anniversary, apparently, but I s’pose you’d already know that,”

Addi reflected sadly that the nicest thing she could say about her father was that he was distantly caring. While Constance was the social interface of Marks Incorporated, James handled the analytical side. Although, Marks Incorporated was one of the biggest tech companies in the United States. Even with delegating, he didn’t really have time for anything else. Oh, he’d tried. He’d unlock her room after she had an argument with her mother, or he’d try to make breakfast for her himself, et cetera. Those were the only reasons she still called him – however brief the conversations were.

“No invites, ‘parently we contact them to ask if we can come. Well that’s more cuckoo than a clock factory. What a power-play,”

Packing her things and simply leaving when she was old enough was one of her proudest moments.

“Addi?”

“Huh?”

Fiddleford was looking at her in concern. Adeline realised she had stopped pacing and had been glaring ferociously at a wall, trying her best to bury the cold feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and even outright fear under hot layers of hurt and anger. The result was a muddled-up mess of emotions, overwhelming her even more.

Her friend stood up and gently led her to sit down on a bed, then sat beside her brought her into a one-armed hug.

“I’ll be right there with you the whole time, alright? And if ya need to leave, just say so. I can manage on my own if I haveta,”

“What, so I can miss out on all the fun?” she sniffled into his shoulder. He chuckled. “I’m fine, I am. It was just a bit … sudden,”

“A’know.” Fiddleford rubbed her arm comfortingly. “I think there’s something that’ll cheer y’up though.”

She took the bait. “Yeah?”

“There’ll be ballroom dancin’, and you know how ta wipe the floor with those uptight asses,”

Addi laughed.

Then she sighed. “I guess I should call my dad,”

Sacramento, California (USA)    ∆

Carla glared at her partner and was about to respond to this latest disaster with some suitably scathing remarks right in his smarmy English face, when her phone rang. She pulled it out of her pocket and stalked off to find the janitor’s closet, her unofficial cool-down room.

“Yes?” she said, breathing in through her nose and shutting the door behind her.

“Senior Special Agent Carla McCorkle?”

“That’s whose number you dialled,” she bit, the acrimony rising all too easily.

Whoever was on the other end was unfazed by her rudeness. “I assume the Cipher Wheel investigation is not going as smoothly as you had hoped?”

Carla froze. “Who is this?”

“Are you in a secure location?”

She looked around at various cleaning supplies and shelves. Who would bug this place? “Yeah,”

“Is your phone secure?”

“It’s FBI issue,”

“I know. Is your phone secure?”

“Yes, very. I did some work on it myself,” Carla frowned.

“I knew you were the right choice. My name is Jheselbraum,”

“Do you have a last name? Or a first name?”

“No,”

“… continue,” said Carla after a moment.

“We are both investigating the organisation known as the Cipher Wheel, albeit myself in a rather more secretive manner. The US government has presented me with the resources of an entire agency, known as Oracle Division, in order to do this. Neither of us have had any luck so far, so I want you to consider a proposal: inter-agency collaboration,”

“How convenient,”

Was she really supposed to believe this? Right when she needed it, an offer of help supposedly from people whose sole purpose it was to handle this? What a happy miracle. No, there must have been a severe security breach, and someone had got their hands on classified material. Whoever this person was, they needed to be arrested and brought in for questioning. They could be a prank, or a foreign spy, or maybe even someone involved in the Cipher Wheel itself.

“Listen to me very carefully. You have committed a serious crime, stealing from the FBI, and you are looking at a very long jail sentence. If you want any hope of getting out of this, you will give me your real name, you will tell me where you are, and you will not move. When you are brought in for questioning, you will cooperate. You will not do anything to further jeopardise your position. And you will tell me everything you know about the Cipher Wheel,”

“I’m intending to, Agent McCorkle.” Carla could almost hear a smile on the other end of the phone. “I understand that this must seem very unlikely. You need proof of who I say I am. Something that shows you my status and my reach, as well as my lawful involvement in your affairs. Fortunately, I have just the thing. Have you heard of a material called shimmern?”

“Of course I have,” said Carla, making a mental note to look up what the heck it was when she got back to her desk.

“Sure. I’d advise you to look at Interpol’s recent case files for Italy, then, and know this: it isn’t over. You’ll be hearing from me soon,”

Jheselbraum, or whoever it was, hung up.

Carla made her way to her office, sidestepping Agent Wexler as he nearly ran into her when his own office phone rang. She fumed as he surreptitiously closed the door behind him so she wouldn’t listen in. Like she even wanted to. Her new partner was not making it easy to like him.

There were no recent news articles or reports regarding Italy and shimmern, other than science journalists applauding how the presentation had lived up to their expectations. Whatever had happened was therefore being hidden, if Jheselbraum was to be believed.

She sent an email to a contact in Interpol, who responded in minutes with an attached document. It was a case file from yesterday. Apparently this amazing, valuable, extraordinary new material had been stolen. Go figure.

Carla didn’t really care much about the theft itself; she had far too much on her plate without worrying about Interpol’s problems too. What did grab her attention and cause her stomach to bottom out was the realisation that this was classified information, and that there were two conclusions which could be drawn.

One was that the security breach Carla had originally suspected was far more serious than she’d imagined: it affected not only the FBI, but Interpol as well, and had to be dealt with ASAP. On the other hand … how likely was it that someone could have compromised two large law enforcement agencies without setting off any alarms at all?

The second option was that Jheselbraum was telling the truth. A miracle agency really had appeared out of nowhere to help her, like an angel complete with a sword of justice. Lord knows she needed one. Considering how sensitive and guarded both FBI and Interpol databases were, this option was much more likely than someone hacking in.

Okay. I’m interested.

The next time Jheselbraum called, Carla would be ready to accept the offer. In the meantime, she’d keep all this to herself until she was positive it was for real.

Nodding as she made the decision, Carla’s eyes drifted once more across the screen, and came to rest on a description (from a someone known only as AM) of the perpetrator.

American . . . Caucasian … brown hair/eyes … glasses … square jaw … approximately six feet tall …

That was as far as Carla got before she was snatching up her phone and calling Stanley Pines.

Stan, I swear to God, if you’ve gone back to being a criminal, I will hunt you down and arrest you myself. And this time I will NOT be cutting any deals or going on any dates with you!

She would have wondered briefly why he’d been wearing glasses, but mostly what she was concerned with was why he was stealing scientific achievements.

Darkwell, Oklahoma (USA)    ∆

Stan stared at his brother across the table. Ford was concentrating hard on his computer, not paying any attention to the sandwich at his elbow. The diner they were in had just the right balance of not too many customers who could overhear their conversation, and not too little that the staff would pay special attention to them. While this was good, Stan had been hoping that they would at least have gotten a motel room to stay in since touching down at the airport. But no, Ford was insisting on sitting at this diner until he finished going through whatever plan his boss had sent him. Apparently, life as a spy wasn’t as glamorous as Stan had thought it was. Or maybe it was just Ford’s spy life that was like this. Maybe normal spies really did get hotel rooms, and beds to lie on, and time to sleep off the jetlag …

“Hey, Ford. You gonna tell me this plan any time soon? It’d better be really good if you’re making me wait this long for it,”

“Hmm? Oh no, this isn’t the plan. I finalised that hours ago. I was just performing a search for Adeline Marks. I thought if we knew more about her then we would have a better chance of defeating her, but no luck. There’s no record of her after she left her parents’ home when she was eighteen,”

Stan groaned and thumped his head on the table. “I’ve just been sitting here for no reason? Thanks a lot.” He swiped Ford’s sandwich and got even more miffed when his brother didn’t complain. “Sixer, you better give me something to hit soon, or you’re up,”

“Hopefully you won’t be hitting anybody. B – I mean, my employer, has arranged an opportunity for us to take the shimmern necklace back. Using his considerable influence, he has convinced Marks Incorporated to release a few of Dr Hansen’s other inventions ahead of schedule, which, you can be assured, has ruffled the feathers of quite a few people in high-up places,”

“Has it,” said Stan dispassionately, looking tiredly into his empty coffee cup.

“It has. Hopefully, this will incite Agent Marks to attend her parents’ anniversary party tomorrow, on the orders from her superiors, and convince them to go back to the original schedule,”

“I’m gonna be totally honest here. The only reason I can think of why you’re bringing up her parents is so you can meet them, because for all you know, once you kiss someone you’re dating them,”

“Her parents own Marks Incorporated. Keep up Stanley,”

“No,” he said spitefully.

Ford continued on, steamrolling over Stan’s interruption. “We will also be going to the party, and that is where we’ll take back the necklace. Also, since we now know there are other people interested in taking it for themselves, we also need to reclaim the method for creating shimmern, if only to prevent them from having it.” Ford turned his laptop around and showed Stan a photo of a small, empty vault room. “This is a vault James Marks had installed in his house. It is open for use by all guests to the party, and is where I am certain we will find the necklace. Mr Marks keeps the key card on his person at all times, so there’s a pickpocketing job involved.”

“Nice,” said Stan, becoming more interested now that the details were emerging.

“Meanwhile, the method is going to be harder to obtain. That will most likely be stored either on a computer in the Marks’ mansion, if Agent Marks is staying there, or off-site completely, if she isn’t. My employer will notify us as soon as he finds out where Agent Marks is, but Darkwell is a big city. We might be at the party when that happens,”

“You keep saying party.” Stan said, starting to grin. “Do you mean like an actual party? With dancing?”

Ford looked at the webpage announcing James and Constance Marks anniversary. “Ballroom dancing. I think the Marks are quite traditional,”

At Stan’s laugh, Ford asked, “You like dancing?”

“Eh, not as much as Carla, but it’s okay. I’m just remembering the last time we were at a dance together. Prom, wasn’t it?”

Ford grinned too. “Ma was so mad we ruined those suits,”

“The suits? Remember the photos!”

“That was all your fault. The entire night was terrible,” Ford said, but with his smile still in place.

“Well, I had a great time. And how was it all my fault? You got punch thrown on you all by yourself,”

“Because of a pick-up line you suggested. If you’d just let me talk to a girl like a normal person-”

“Ford, normal for you is so far from normal for everyone else. She might have called the police,”

“What – it wouldn’t have been – well – okay – shut up-” Ford spluttered before they were both overcome with laughing fits, remembering what they’d been like as teenagers.

“So, it’s settled,” Stan managed after a few moments. “I’ll go dancing, with a side of pickpocketing, and you can skulk at the edge of the room until you find a computer. Actually yeah, this is gonna be exactly like prom,”

They dissolved into hysterical giggles again, and a waitress gave them a strange look as she filled up their coffee. Stan didn’t care. This was feeling so much like home again it was starting to hurt.

Sacramento, Califoria (USA)    ∆

“How’s it hangin’, Blind I?”

“All according to plan. Agent McCorkle is gaining no leads whatsoever,”

“Good, keep it up bud, if you know what’s good for you, ha ha. But really,”

“Understood, sir,”

“That’s why I like you, Ivan. Complete obedience, no pesky initiative or ambition, unlike another certain upstart I could mention. You do what you’re told, no questions asked, and even better, you don’t screw it up! Wish you had some sparks of brilliance in that greymatter of yours though. Then you’d be perfect,”

“Do you want me to address the problem with Pines?”

“No, no, stay where you are for now. I still need him to get me that shimmern and assemble the gun. I gotta admit, he does occasionally lay a golden egg, so to speak. I’ll see how he does on this one, and if it goes well, we’ll keep him around. The brother though, he needs to go. Gotta get our genius back on track! I’ll let you know if I need ya,”

“Yes sir,”

“Oh, and you know what happened with this conversation right?”

“It is unseen,”

“And unheard, I’ll bet. Catch ya later!”