#it literally exists in conversation with the very thing i love about art
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#i finished my maybe 40 hour long ordeal of watching most of the alan wake saga thru the janderson streams#and good god alan wake 2............ a game made for me mayhaps#it literally exists in conversation with the very thing i love about art#aka the fact that everything one creates is in a different plane of existence and THAT'S the point of it#except that it's not like this in the game. alan's writing as carelessly as he does it affects the real world and its people#but like why would he care right? it's the entire point! sam lake is living inside my brain rn this is so true#and the whole wake and scratch thing....... how we are our worst enemy. self sabotaging and all of our insecurities and worst qualities#how saga is confident enough to work through that and reach her happy ending but alan can't#how alan himself drove alice to her [redacted]#(and i am choosing to ignore the post credit scene thank you very much)#delicious. i am eating SO well#games with piece of shit protagonists speak to me.....#he's just like me fr fr
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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I’m so tired of this now they’re saying Blitz has stockholm syndrome
Oh my god I'm SO GLAD this anti mentioned Stockholm Syndrome, but wait let me just point out some things before this topic
1- I LOVE the "hellaverse is sexiiissssttt" crowd slandering Vivienne on every oportunity they have and blindly praising Brandon for writing the same funny, dramatic and erotic episodes that she writes. Oh-uh, projected misogyny there, uh-hu. SPECIALLY when Stolitz, the scary boogyman they fear so much, was mainly developed by Brandon. The way queer women are treated, even when they're not really doing anything wrong and just living their lifes/doing their art, is horrendous. It sure tells a lot about antis and their moralism.
2- Wtf the new merch has to do with the EP's quality OR with Viv's morality? Literally, ANYTHING they dislike is a reason to write an essay against Viv. What are these ppl's obsession with Viv???????
3- And now the big elephant in the room. Stockholm Syndrome, the thing that doesn't exist, it's not recognize by any professional and has no psychological diagnosis of a mental illness or disorder in the DSM-5. You've probably already seen people accusing Belle from Beauty and the Beast of having such Syndrome, claiming that she "felt in love" with her kidnapper/abuser, even though the Beast: didn't kidnap her, didn't abuse her, it was her choice to stay at the castle, he changed by his own will (she didn't "fix him", he fixed himself, she always fought back his assholery and didn't accept to be treated badly AND only felt in love with him in the end, when she came back to the castle by her own choice, after he changed. But why am I talking about all of this even though other people already covered up this topic in much better ways? (x) It's because antis use the EXACT SAME arguments about Blitz and Stolas. Antis ignore Blitz's agency and consent, they ignore him not accepting shitty things Stolas did/say, they ignore the fact that Stolas never abused his power nor forced Blitz do to anything. Blitz is not a victim (of Stolas), Stolas is not an abuser. Blitz's traumas are not Stolas's fault and vice-versa. The "Stockoholm Syndrome" speech was used to infantilize victims (mostly women) and speak on their behalf, notice how it's never about the alledged abuser being a bad person, it's about the alledged victim being "weak" and "insane" by "falling in love" with their abusers.
Yall want an actual coping mechanism/victim and abuser dynamic? Angel and Valentino.
"(...) but the most important faced that people miss about Stockoholm Syndrome is that it is *not* a diagnosable mental disorder, it is *not* on the DSM, Stockoholm Syndrome is considered a "contested illness", as a large portion of the psychiatric and law enforcement community do not believe it is a thing. So, honestly, this entire conversation is almost rendered moot, because Stockoholm Syndrome kind of belong in the category of "debunked pseudoscience" than an actual study-able psychological condition, or at the very least is it in the category of "more research needed".
#helluva boss#stolas#blitz#stolitz#vivziepop#brandon rogers#there's also this insane and dangerous idea that victims cant get out of their situation because they 'love their abuser'#when it's actually about lack of extern and financial support and also threatens against the victims's life and family
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hey!! can i req hcs of saiki with a very emotional s/o, like takes a lot of stuff to heart and cries their eyes out while watching sad movies (this is definitely not bc i just watched grave of the fireflies and sobbed like a baby) and just someone who’s overall a hopeless romantic?? (I loved your other headcanons for him 🫶🫶)
saiki with an emotional! reader
(gn reader! reader is also new to the class and addressed as “Y/N”
warnings:
a/n: OH MY GOSH?! ANOTHER ONE 😍?! I can tell you guys love saiki k 😙 but it’s okay because I’m having a saiki brain rot 🤪 and I literally freaked out when I saw the official art.
What I listened to:
summary: saiki with a hopeless, sad, sensitive partner 😔
okay, let’s be honest here. SAIKI would absolutely freak out (mentally)
so like let’s see when u met
When you introduced yourself to the class, anyone could barely hear you, while Saiki on the other hand could hear your rushed thoughts.🤨
“My name is L/N Y/N.. and I *mumbling*..”
‘OMGIMUSTBEREALLYQUIETAHHHTHEYDONTLIKEMEALREADY!!’ :(
Literally, when speaking to other classmates was quite a trouble. 😀 And when someone called you “babyface” as a joke, OHOHOHH there come the waterworks (after you excused yourself to the bathroom ofc). Saiki already knew you were gonna cry ofc, but he couldn’t help but get more interested in you more? 🤔
HEADCANONS
it’s obvious he cannot watch sad parts of movies with you, because every time he always looks at you there’s already a river of tears running down your face 😭
“I’m sorry, Jerold. It’s just that I can’t do this anymor-“
*very loud sobbing clearly coming from you”
We all know Saiki’s sharp with his words, but he’s got a huge soft spot for you. (I should have put acts of service as his love languag) So yeah, everything that makes you sad just doesn’t exist anymore. (We’ll put it that way)
Oh no, The store just ran out of your favourite snacks! Oh? Turns out you have a months supply in the cabinet. The drama series you watched just ended? No, what do you mean there’s another one right next to this show.
If you just happened to come across a purple haired, terrible haircut, way too confident, so annoying person (described by Saiki) he’ll wrap you up in a blanket and lay down next you. Maybe have a conversation about coffee jelly 😌
Sometimes, Saiki can’t handle it 😰 like for example:
“Hey, Kusuo! What do you think of this new jacket I got? :D”
*mentally panicking*
“Its.. good.”
He had to spit that out 💀
About the hopeless romantic thing, he kinda expected that- But take this as a way as saying he knows you well :) 😄
Overall, Saiki thinks of you when he sees crying babies. 🙂
#saiki imagine#kusuo saiki x reader#saiki kusuo fluff#the disasterous life of saiki k#saiki kusuo x reader#saiki kusuo x male!reader#saiki x reader#saiki fluff#saiki k x reader#saiki kusuo x gn!reader#saiki kusuo x you#saiki kusuo x female!reader#kusuo saiki#saiki#saiki kusuo#kusuo#kusuo saiki x y/n#kusuo x reader
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Hiromi Higuruma Headcanons 🌻
A/N: Ughhh I have been having literally 0 motivation for writing, kind of like an art block. I wanna write so much but something just prevents me lmao... But this man, I swear. He just sparked my will to write and hopefully also work off the requests and one trade with a friend I have been working on. Also I just haaaad to get these out of my head
Contents/warnings: Random general headcanons, relationship headcanons & NSFW headcanons. I am just writing about "his S/O" and referring to S/O with they/them. Doesn't contain spoilers from JJK story, just Higuruma and his existence
General headcanons
He listens to Modern Talking. Don't ask where this comes from, I just feel like he'd like their music. Also somehow I was thinking he'd like Bon Jovi, too? He isn't like a crazy fan for either of them, just likes various of their songs. Could see him listening instrumental music as well, like game/movie soundtracks
Surprisingly enough he isn't a huge drinker. He enjoys an alcoholic drink every now and then to refresh, but he knows his limits. He knows when it feels good and when it goes overboard
He doesn't have visible muscles for the most part, I'd like to think him having a bit of body fat which hides them. My man is an attorney, he hasn't been focusing in training or being physically fit all that much. He does like to keep himself in decent shape though, because healthy body equals a healthy mind
He's not tall per se, more like average height, definitely under 180 centimeters
He's a minimalist. He doesn't have anything "extra" in his apartment, just the necessities
Speaking off, his wardrobe probably isn't huge either. Maybe a basic suit or two, so he can wash the other and still have the other one wearable. Otherwise his wardrobe is filled with mostly casual comfortable clothes. He values practical clothes, too
If he ends up having time to play games, he'd definitely mostly be into single player, story focused games. Not into fps games. One of his favorites are, funny enough, Ace Attorney games (he also likes the soundtrack)
SFW relationship headcanons
He doesn't strike me as a person who would be into dating all that much, but if he finds so called a right person, he might consider it. He doesn't really sleep around with lots of people either
He values the personality of a person more than looks. Forming an emotional and a mental bond is what matters him the most when it comes to a relationship
He doesn't even have a type, really. He thinks he is capable of finding anyone attractive if their personality hits him
And while we are at it, I bet he would love to have conversations with his S/O about anything. He'd love to discuss anything, silly to serious to deep thoughts with the right person. He wants to hear his S/Os thoughts and share his own
He'd also love to have playful, sarcasm filled banters/debates with his S/O
Either quality time or physical touch are his love languages
Quality time, because he is often doing long days and working a lot so he might not be around as much as he'd like. But when he finally is around his S/O, no matter what they do, he is going to be very happy. He likes to do the most basic, mundane things together with his S/O. Having breakfast, watching TV, showering together, cooking together, sitting together in the same room...
And what comes to physical touch, he just loves to get touchy with his S/O and most of the time not even in a sexual way. It is like a way to make up for all the time he hasn't been around. All the little touches and kisses he exchanges with his S/O makes him feel so loved
Oh, and one thing he'd absolutely love is to get a massage from his S/O. He would literally melt to their touch
(NSFW under the cut)
NSFW relationship headcanons
I think he is pretty vanilla... But he is very open to try new things and kinks for his S/O and for his own curiosity. He'd also be pretty gentle overall, but he loves his sex passionate, with an intimate, personal feel to it
He is a heavy switch when it comes to dynamics. He can top, he can bottom. But I have a feeling he'd have a tiny little submissive side in the sheets. He isn't opposed to being dominative either, but like I said, he is mostly vanilla so these kind of dynamics aren't exactly what he desires in the sheets
He prefers to do all the sexy stuff mostly in somewhere private, only him and his S/O... but he can't deny that he has thought of taking them in his office. Something about the though of him fucking them on his desk turns him on
He would definitely love having sex with clothes (mostly) on. First of all, he can be a bit tired after long days (and lazy, too) but, like, just having his dick out of his fly... or both of his and his S/Os pants just slightly lowered. It's all just so hot for him
Oh, and he'd love to fuck his S/O anywhere (privately). On the floor, on the sofa, against a wall. He isn't picky, he just wants to feel good
I still feel like bed is his to-go, because he is often tired to do anything extreme and it's just overall more comfortable to get down to business in the sheets
Previously mentioned that his love language is physical touch which applies to this aspect too. Sex is also a part of that for him. Sex is also a way for him to feel deeply connected with his S/O, physically and emotionally
Sex with his S/O is his favorite stress relieving method
I'll say it: I never thought he'd have a big cock. Recently, I came across Kyo-00´s Headcanons of the dicks of JJK men, and I agree on her take of Higuruma. I had previously thought he'd be more like average sized or so
He doesn't need to have a huge cock though, because he knows how to use what he has. He also has his mouth, his nose and his hands to make one pleased
This could probably go without saying, but he loves when his S/O shows him that he is desired and cared for. He would get so excited if his S/O initiated intimacy and slid their hand to his pants to play with his still limp dick, stroking it while giving his neck and face soft kisses all over... (Consensually, of course. He isn't always in the mood for that stuff either) Anyhow, that just sends a message to him which turns him on. Who would even want to have sex with someone who doesn't seem into it?
I believe he wouldn't want kids, so he 100% would get a vasectomy especially if his S/O is a afab/female so there isn't a need to worry about pregnancy
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk headcanons#higuruma hiromi#jjk higuruma#higuruma headcanons#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#dangerouslyknown#dangerouslyknownworks
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I just read your post about Steve and Eddie taking hobby classes together and I love the idea of a big famous rockstar taking a paint n sip class and these moms going “…. Is that??? No??? I’m pretty sure that’s Eddie munson. My kid loves his band” and Eddie interacting with moms who want to FaceTime their kid cause they met someone famous. Because you know some moms have no shame when they meet someone their kids love
The first time they went to one of these classes, Eddie tried to do the whole low-key celebrity thing and wear a hoodie and a baseball cap. Steve took one look at him and was just like, “What are you doing? You look like someone’s stalker. No one is going to recognize you, you weirdo.”
But Steve is wrong.
It’s not just people recognizing him from the band their kid likes. Corroded Coffin was very popular in the nineties. There are people in this class that had posters of Eddie Munson on their bedroom walls when they were teenagers, and they insist on getting their picture taken with him too.
Eddie plays along, of course, because he doesn’t really get a choice unless he wants this whole five-week course of classes to be super awkward. He even says hi to some kid on FaceTime who doesn’t even know who he is because his mom confused Corroded Coffin with the Counting Crows somehow.
These things are fine.
Steve typically finds things like this amusing because he knows that Eddie secretly loves it, but that stops immediately the moment the woman across the table from them heavily implies that Eddie is on her and her husband’s list. Her name is Stephanie. She’s a part of a little gal’s night out group, has lipstick on her teeth, and a little too much wine in her, leans closer and stage whispers, “You know, the list that married couples have.”
“Interesting, interesting,” Eddie hums, humoring her. “Am I in good company on this list?”
Steve watches this conversation play out and decides that he doesn’t like Stephanie’s flirty tone or the fact that Eddie hasn’t just shut her down because he is married. And also gay. He’s gay too. It’s not like Steve feels threatened by a literal non-existent possibility, you know.
Just – have some respect for the man’s wedding ring, right?
She leans across the table to tap Eddie’s arm at some joke he made and Steve is so distracted by this that he accidentally knocks over one of the water cups when he goes to clean his brush. The water splashes across the table and nearly gets Stephanie’s shoes, but she moves away.
“Shit,” Steve says, “Sorry. I – shit. Let me help you.”
Luckily no one’s canvases got ruined since they’re all propped up on little easels and Steve helps mop the water up off the table and floor where Stephanie is working. He almost forgets about her flirting with his husband until she tells Eddie, “Your friend is so sweet, isn’t he?”
Steve tosses his wet paper towels in the trash and points to Stephanie’s smudgy painting of one of the clown figurines on the table, and says, “Wow, your art is amazing. I wish I could paint a self portrait like that.”
#Steve is *~*petty*~* and Eddie loves it#otherwise he would’ve put a stop to the flirting a long time ago#eddie munson tiktok saga#steve harrington#eddie munson
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chapter 162 thoughts!
Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 19
Aqua Hoshigan Status: uh oh, gamers
damn they dragged his ass right to hell, huh
I was perhaps overly optimistic in expecting an immediate resolution to last chapter's setup. It's becoming increasingly clear that this handful of chapters covering the Aqua-Hikaru confrontation are intended to be read in one go but because I am pedantic I will continue to review them one by one <3 This chapter very much has all the same issues as the previous chapter without quite as many of the things I liked pulling it up, but Mengo's art is back to going absolutely crazy and I got to see 2.5 new panels of Hoshino Ai so who can say whether it was a good or bad chapter.
Like last time, we're starting with Hikaru again and… basically everything I said I didn't like about this handling of him is still the case but with this almost definitely being his final appearance with no more opportunities to explain anything about him, it really sucks that the note we seem to be ending on is just "damn, bitch be crazy". Given that Tsukuyomi mentioned his previously 'noble soul' last chapter, I was really hoping we might get some sort of flashback or Hikaru POV giving some proper context to his actions but all we got this chapter was him being like "ughh i miss ai. GOD i love killing people" which is, uh, underwhelming as a final note for an antagonist like Hikaru to go out on, to say the least
The thing is, I didn't need or expect Hikaru to be totes 100% an innocent bean or anything like that (ch109 looms large), but if he was going to be the final boss like this, I wanted his antagonism to come from somewhere, to have any kind of connecting thread with the story's themes or to at least tell us interesting things about him both in coming to understand where his behavior came from and why he went down this path. But we don't know anything about Hikaru, really - we know facts about his life but as person and a character in a story, our image of him is shockingly unclear. As far as the story seems to be concerned, he came into existence as an 11yo boy being abused by Airi, blipped out of reality when Ai broke up with him and then idk digivolved back into society into a guy from a yandere otome game when Ai died. Like, how in god's name did Hikaru go from the boy we see being broken up with as a teenager to… whatever the fuck this is? How did he start killing? Why? What is it about killing that makes him feel Ai's supposed presence? And most importantly - why does he pursue killing Ruby as his means of achieving this when the narrative is doing everything it can to convince us she's Ai 2.0 and therefore a living person in whom Hikaru should be able to feel Ai's presence the most strongly since her death? Hello? Can anyone hear me????
We don't get textual answers to any of that - hell, we don't even really have any textual confirmation that he is actually serial killer, despite it being something I guess we're supposed to assume at this point?? Like, whatever happened to Aqua seemingly crediting Yura's death to Nino's involvement? What happened to Aqua saying that Hikaru being the mastermind made no sense? Like, I guess he was right, but jesus
Even things I can take the time to try and infer (which, see last review's discussions on Inferring Things) just make me feel like I'm doing the work the story should have done in terms of trying to get his character to cohere. As it stands, Hikaru isn't in opposition to Aqua because he has harmful beliefs or behaviours born from his participation in society that stem from or are in conversation with the story's wider themes, but because he has one very specific unhinged belief totally disconnected from reality focused on one specific person and manifesting in such a way that caused him to just be Ontologically Evil And Broken.
And it's not like this would even be hard to do! Hikaru is literally, explicitly an affluent and powerful person in the entertainment industry despite being someone who was broken by abuse perpetuated by those very systems of power. Why not lean into that? Why not examine the ways in which Hikaru and Ai converged in their experiences of abuse - Ai able to truly sever the chain and begin healing while Hikaru ends up making Airi's mistakes and enacting abuse and control on people with less power than him to try and regain agency and dignity?
Ryosuke (even post retcon) and ch154 Hikaru work so well because their specific beliefs about Ai reflect real world misogyny and parasocialism that are rife in the entertainment industry (and even outside of it) so they're able to contribute to the story's wider themes pretty well. But as of this chapter, Hikaru's stated beliefs about killing and apparent overall worldview are so fucking detached from reality and so lacking any foundation or grounding in textual events or theming that it doesn't even feel like an exaggeration of real world issues to a logical conclusion like Ryosuke does. He just feels like a cartoon character.
Not only is this shallow in general and really a huge wet fart of an ending for a character who has been built up for 4 actual years and 150 chapters of manga, it's also just bizarrely inconsistent. There's no proper connecting thread in the text between the seemingly emotionally disarmed and remorseful Hikaru of 154-5 and fucking joker slenderman ass here. The story spent so long making Hikaru deeply and viscerally sympathetic through exploring his history of abuse and exploitation mirroring Ai's that I'm not sure of what the point of that was in terms of authorial intent if we were always gonna end at this point of "you are Ontologically Evil and must die". Movie Arc backstory Hikaru flows quite naturally into 153-5 Hikaru but these specific beliefs and fixations on killing almost feel like they popped up from nowhere to force this confrontation to happen.
Ultimately, despite being given ample opportunity to do so, it just kind of feels like Akasaka just kind of lost interest in trying to develop Hikaru into a fully fleshed out and coherent character. We get flashes and teases of what could have come together into a fascinating and compelling antagonist but he ultimately fails to evolve past a vague sketch of a character, full of unconnected ideas and loose threads. In the end, Hikaru is only ever a cipher for the story to enact tragedy through with no real interest in his own feelings and interiority in relation to it - not even his own.
To scooch back a bit into the chapter, I will say that him being dragged down specifically by Gorou is interesting, especially since he seems to have returned to his scary ass Tokyo Blade rage ghost form. This seems to represent Gorou and his rage being sort of 'exorcised' from Aqua now his revenge is complete (as I theorized might happen last week) - his memories and existence obviously live on in Aqua (F… FOR NOW…..) but as a character in a narrative, this feels like a fine enough place to leave him.
Anyway, speaking of Aqua! How ya doing, champ?
that bad, huh
The back half of this chapter revolves around giving Aqua some emotional resolution of his own and even though I've been kicking and biting to get some Aqua introspection for so long now, this one left me feeling pretty cold. After all this time of floating around the 'why' of his reincarnation, the answer we're finally given is….. just that Aqua was reborn to be Ruby's guard dog lol.
The idea that the twins were specifically reborn to be together has been imo pretty obvious for a good long while and I think it's a perfectly fine idea on paper, but this framing of it just kind of falls flat to me. I don't like that it positions Aqua's rebirth not as a second chance for him to love and be loved in a way he wasn't able to as Gorou, a gift from Tsukuyomi to two people who showed her a selfless, thoughtless kindness but as just yet more of the story using other characters and their stories to try and prop up Ruby or imbue her with more importance in a way that I think feels forced and does the characters who are used in this manner a huge disservice. I'm sure we could conclude that this is just Aqua's feelings on the matter and I really, really hope that Tsukuyomi fishes him out and gives him a slap while yelling YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE FOR YOURSELF AND BE HAPPY IDIOT or something next chapter, but the extremely warm framing this is all given makes me think this is something the narrative both agrees with and approves of and as an Aqua enjoyer I just kind of hate that for him.
I also have to say that like… it doesn't not make sense for the story's finale and this aspect of the reincarnation plot to center Ruby specifically. She is one half of the titular Oshi no Kos and at least hypothetically the co-protagonist of the story. But suddenly making her the answer and central turning axis of basically the biggest ongoing mystery in the story like this feels kind of jarring when Akasaka spent a solid half of this entire manga not really doing her justice. This attempt to tug on our heartstrings via flashbacks to the twins' childhood also doesn't really do anything for me because as cute as it is, it's just disconnected flashbacks to brand new events in their childhood we never saw or heard about before. And it's weird because it's not like we don't have in-story examples of Aqua being over protective of Ruby, so why not flashback to those?
Idk. It's hard for me to articulate why this left me feeling kind of cold, but it feels like a symptom of this being part of an ending that Akasaka set in stone too early on and hasn't compromised for he way the character dynamics and story that made it onto paper have shifted and changed in ways that don't one hundred percent line up with the ending he wanted. If the twins' relationship was going to be this important to the ending and be so central to Aqua's existence as a character, I wish we'd spent more time on it. One of the major critiques of OnK that people had from like chapter 12 onwards that I still agree with is that Aqua and Ruby's relationship doesn't feel like a close knit connection between two people who grew up together for 1X+ years, and that continuing issue makes it kind of hard for me to feel the warm and fuzzy sibling feels right now. Which sucks because I LOVE the Hoshino family trio and I love Aqua and Ruby's family dynamic when we actually get to see it - their chapter of interlude and some of the scenes in their home in early OnK are some of my fave parts of the story for that exact reason. But this just kind of whiffed for me.
It also isn't lost on me that Ai is basically absent from these flashbacks despite them primarily taking part in the part of the twins' childhood they spent with her. I get that the idea was to focus specifically on Aqua and Ruby's dynamic there but it still feels kind of…
I've already written a short essay on this topic as it pertained to the initial reveal of Tsukuyomi's role in AQRB's reincarnation and the TL;DR of that post is that early in the series, Ai is centered as a character of as much significance to the reincarnation plot as Gorou/Aqua and Sarina/Ruby are, with the togetherness of the Hoshino family as a trio and Ai specifically as Aqua and Ruby's mother being emphasized as having a great deal of meaning and importance. But this chapter doubles down on essentially erasing her as a figure of weight and consequence in the twin's reincarnation in a way that is both inconsistent and just kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
Like… I'm sorry, but given how much of Ai's character revolves around her being the victim of exploitation, of objectification, sexual and otherwise, of being forced to warp herself to response to the filthy desires thrust on her by the people around her, it's really just gross and a huge misstep for her to be reduced to a convenient walking uterus. It is yet another example of Ai being reduced to just a stepping stone in Ruby's narrative and part of a pattern in this regard I've come to really dislike. Framed like this, Ai's own act of bravery and love in giving not just herself but Sarina and Gorou the family all three of them were denied all their lives is now nothing more than a vessel for Sarina's wish fulfillment. As you can imagine, I kind of hate this too!!
Depending on if volume 16 follows 14 and 15's trend of being 11 chapters long instead of 10, vol16 will end on either 162 or 163 - based on how 162 ends, my guess is that this is our volume ender so I'm curious to see what form 163 will take - straightforward continuation of this scene or focus switch to other characters to maintain suspense? I guess we'll see in THREE FUCKING WEEKS……. Akasaka i swear to god……………………….
sidebar but tsukuyomi just out here floating is kind of wild. what happened to 'it's a normal child's body' ya little twerp?
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At this point, "Max's abrasions with the discoursosphere" is becoming a semi-formalized series. Here's another one.
There's a larger complex of thoughts I have around this that I won't really get into, but I think one of my least favorite things about the discourse is put most succinctly as: it asks you to view yourself as an agent of history, instead of as an individual.
Every "camp"—communist, reactionary, rationalist, whatever—seems animated by these sort of fantastical, world-historic dreams. It's all about the coming revolution, or the fate of the light cone, or the future of Western civilization, or whatever. Even liberals are guilty of this, and they are sometimes extra annoying about it because they think they aren't guilty of it. Their end of history was literally sketched out in a book called The End of History. Ok, I mostly said that last sentence because it's a punchy line—not every liberal (or even most, I suspect) endorses Fukuyama's particular thesis. But they do still tend to act like "the point of it all" is advancing liberal democracy and efficient distribution of resources.
Everyone seems to reduce human activity to the aim of shaping history in a particular way. The value of everything is reduced to its instrumental usefulness in Advancing The Project.
This is precisely the opposite of the way I look at the world. It's kind of an analogue of that Hannah Arendt "the only love I know is the love of particular persons" thing. The only value I know is the value of particular things. There is value in art, learning, fun, love, joy; books, video games, mathematics, beautiful vistas, sex, food, conversation. Insofar as there is value in any political or world-historical project, it is purely by way of enabling or supporting these things which are valuable on their own. Making ourselves pure instruments to history is self-defeating, because the only possible reason that history could matter is because of us and the things that we care about.
What I am complaining about here is an attitude, not a particular set of beliefs. I'll pick on the group that is closest to "my side" because that feels fair. It is true that not all communists or socialists actually believe in the fantastical, pseudo-Biblical version of the revolution that one sees from the most ideologically insular. Plenty critique this vision of revolution pretty starkly. But it's like, the tendrils of teleological thinking are already in them. So many still see themselves as instruments. Their raison d'etre is to shape the trajectory of human events. Their existence as an individual is secondary, or at the very least must be brought into alignment with this raison d'etre.
Well, I'll tell you what. I don't want my individuality to be subsumed. I don't want my self to be subsumed. As I've said before, I'm not into that kind of stuff.
But it's everywhere, it seems that it is universally characteristic of every "ideology" or "movement".
Actually, what I'm really complaining about here is more subtle, I think. Most of the discoursers I engage with, I suspect, will roughly agree with me thus far. I've heard them say similar things. Here's the problem: even in circles where this kind of self-instrumentalization is openly critiqued, I find that again and again in discussions of [inherently valuable thing], the conversation inevitably shifts to whether [inherently valuable thing] is instrumentally valuable from the perspective of the local Grand Historical Project. By the way, please set aside any philosophical gripes you might have with the idea of an "inherently valuable thing"; those sorts of details are not the point here. The point is that there will be discussion about [cool topic], and this discussion will inevitably drift towards "how does [cool topic] interface with [grand historical project]".
[Grand historical project] is less important than [cool topic]!!!! [Cool topic] is [grand historical project]'s boss!!!! Don't you see!
This is I think the basic trait of "discoursiness", and I really don't like it.
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I agree that Art and Patrick need each other.
How do you think their dynamic would change (if at all) if they were in a throuple with someone?
I want to know your Challengers opinions on EVERYTHING but I suck at coming up with things to ask
this is such a fun ask!
sorry if i'm all over the place, i just had so many thoughts :)
disclaimer: this is based on my interpretation of the plot and characters, so it's very opinion based,, and if you see them differently that's totally okay bc room for interpretation and analysis is what makes an artistic work art :)
okay so i think some of the dynamic changes would depend on the personality of the third person, if that person is similar to tashi (and they actually managed to get into an official relationship) i think everyone would be happy but still a little toxic
this isn't me fully blaming tashi for all their issues btw!! i think fully assigning blame to one individual ruins the point of the movie and oversimplifies their relationships, but i digress
i think part of the reason that the plot of the movie worked out the way it did is bc tashi helped bring out the "hubris" of both art and patrick--patrick's pride and art's ability to trap himself in his head
to me, these are the main traits capable of ruining their relationship
wanting someone like tashi drove patrick's desire to be the "best", i see him as someone with a slightly obsessive personality,, and having someone so desirable, strong willed, and talented kind of becomes an ego thing
however, wanting someone like tashi works the opposite way for someone like art,, he wants to prove himself "worthy" so bad it traps him in his head and actually makes him more insecure
so with patrick constantly working to maintain his improved ego and art struggling to keep up the way he sees himself, ofc things get a little toxic bc even though they care about each other, it's more about their headspace than actually wanting to compete with each other
also i think tashi wanted to want art more than she wanted patrick, but she just wasn't there, which brings me to the dynamic i think would work best
patrick cares about art sm, idc argue with me if u want but i will never be convinced that patrick wasn't in love with art that the entire movie would have been maybe 20 minutes long if art said he wanted to fix their friendship/relationship
this isn't to say that art doesn't love patrick, i just think that they express love in different ways
patrick is so open in his affectionateness, and that's ideal for keeping art from getting stuck in his head, and art loves in a way that emphasizes consistency, which is ideal for someone like patrick, who places sm emphasis on external factors when it comes to his self worth
bc of this i think that the ideal third person for them would be someone that prioritizes art a little more,, i'm not saying someone that would love art more, but someone that'd take care to focus on art's feelings to make sure that art feels like he exists at the center of things
that might sound like a reach, but if you think of the moments in which tashi and patrick connected most, i think it makes sense, for example:
in the dorm room scene when tashi and patrick are about to hook up, they're literally talking about and complimenting art, when tashi and patrick hook up in atlanta it's after finding out about tashi's engagement to art (which 'proves' that tashi loves art), and they hook up in the car after tashi explains why she'd want patrick to throw the match, which implies she still cares about him
also the conversation in which patrick accuses tashi of hating art is arguably one of their least connected moments, even if he's flirting a little, that moment kind of felt like patrick was probing, trying to see where tashi was at
if they were in a throuple, i think they'd be happy, especially with someone that balanced out their pride and insecurities
patrick would become even more affectionate, he's definitely the type to pull in a s/o and kiss them mid sentence and then say he just couldn't help it
art would be even more open about his feelings, he's the type to mention how much he loves his s/o so casually it actually knocks the wind out of you
#ask#challengers x reader#art donaldson x reader x patrick zweig#patrick zweig x reader#art donaldson x you x patrick zweig
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drag me down: little things
synopsis: since when did hanni and yn notice each other’s habits through the little things they do? from their sudden change in mood to yn slowly opening up, hanni is left questioning everything.
warning/s: mentions of abandonment, insecurities
words: 3k
previous | next
The news of the top two students being paired together had reached almost every student as soon as Ms. Im dismissed the class. YN isn’t one to be gossiped about, most students talk about Hanni and her possible relationships but no one knew YN’s life outside of school. Only a handful of people did and it was her friends.
“Well, well, well, look who got paired with Ms. Top student.” Yunjin loved to tease YN about Hanni, she theorized that they secretly love each other but won’t admit it because their pride is higher than Mt. Everest.
“The look of despair was so evident, I almost felt bad.” Chaewon was the first people YN met as the girl had been part of the student council during their second year. From there, either YN or her were the victims of the group's bullying.
“Are you going to work on it right away?” There’s always a mediator in the group and when it's at school, that would be Kazuha. She’s considered as the quiet yet scary friend but everyone loves her, especially when YN has a soft spot for her.
“Sakura-unnie is asking if you’ll be there tomorrow.” Eunchae, the youngest and most devious child, when there is chaos, the possibility of her starting it isn’t that low. Lastly, the other mother of the group who works part-time at one of the Park’s cafes was Sakura, whom YN met on her first day trying to learn latte art.
“I’ll take my leave tomorrow, so I’ll be there today.” When YN meant only a handful of people know about her life, she literally meant only 6 people. The Parks are very private, only a limited knowledge of their lives outside of business, her parents made sure that their children’s safety and privacy was their number one priority. So secretive that the public only knew that they have two children, neither gender being specified.
YN never trusted people that easily but she was clearly playful, independent, and responsible. A lot of people trusted her, similarly even Hanni took notice of it, how in her first year in a new environment and somehow a lot of people let their walls down. She wonders how when she never heard anything about YN’s personal life, as if it were non-existent. Hanni was left in the dark as she watched her rival walk home with her group, a smile on YN’s face as Yunjin teases Chaewon and Kazuha trying to stop them.
“Stop staring, she might melt.” Minji followed Hanni’s line of sight, it was going to be a topic later in their group.
“Have you wondered what YN is like outside of school?” It threw Minji off, Hanni, THE PHAM HANNI, asking about Park YN? There was only limited information about the girl, there were rumours going around that YN came from a wealthy family, a daughter of a mafia boss, a bunch of misinformation. Although there was one thing that people have concluded was that YN really came from a rich family, a confirmation was given by Ms. Park Jihyo, the prefect of discipline conversing with YN. The sole reason why YN transferred was due to being under the supervision of her cousin who recommended it to her aunt and uncle, no one knew they were related and both of them agreed to keep it that way.
“You seriously need to talk to her about that. No one aside from her group knows anything about her life.” Haerin surprised the pair as Danielle and Hyein joined them in front of the campus gate. What was there in her rival’s life that makes her keep everything in secret.
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
The following day, Hanni was much more observant of YN. She’s aware of YN smelling like coffee beans and a hint of vanilla, but she never noticed what she drinks when she arrives at class. The ice cold cup of americano and a paper bag with some sort of pastry but it was flat, most likely a cookie. Blueming Cafe? From what I know that’s under Park Food Corporations.
“You’ll have heart problems by the time you’re 30.” She wasn’t even sure why she said that, it wasn’t like she cared. All she did was cause the other issues with their bantering.
“Acting like you care, classic.” There was a difference in YN’s tone, or maybe Hanni is overanalyzing everything there is towards her rival.
YN took notice of Hanni’s sudden shift, like she was hyper aware of her surroundings. Setting her stuff down along with her snack and coffee to get her through the day, she got a whiff of Hanni’s perfume. A hint of lavender, a bit of praline, and musk… it wasn’t that bad, she liked it. Perfectly describes if Hanni was a perfume, aside from that Hanni was also wearing her hair up, a bit dishevelled being held by a clamp and a tired smile on her face. When did she start using a clamp?
“Wearing perfume, are you trying to seduce me, Pham?” Hanni rolled her eyes, taking back how the girl next to her smells nicely and comforting.
“That’s such a weird assumption, Park. Not in a thousand years will I try to persuade you.” A straight shot through the heart, despite YN teasingly flirting with Hanni all these years, she felt a slight pang in her chest. There is a certain feeling that YN cannot describe with Hanni, not wanting to explore it any further. Only a few months till graduation, I can endure it.
First half of the day, there wasn’t much of a problem between the pair. Both keeping to themselves but Hanni took notice how YN would spin her pen whenever she’s not taking notes. How slim her fingers are and the amount of rings she has, perfectly accenting her cool tone paired with silver minimalist rings. Slowly, she noticed how her uniform may look neat but clearly her tie was always loose, the top of her blouse unbuttoned, and a hoodie on top of it all or the fact she never wears skirts, like the school gave her a free pass to wear pants. Hanni didn’t realize how long she’s been staring, somehow everything about YN’s style fits perfectly.
“Pham… stop staring and listen.” YN had slowly pushed Hanni’s face back to the board where their teacher had their back facing the class. From that simple action, she felt her face heat up, palms a bit sweating, and her heartbeat racing. She was saved from a close scolding by their Math teacher, maybe that’s the cause of the adrenaline and not from the embarrassment of being caught.
It wasn’t like YN wasn’t observing Hanni at all, she was just much more subtle about it. A piece of scratch paper was on the side of her notebook, keeping track of what she’s taken notice of. Hanni rarely wears accessories, but she does have various ways of styling her hair. Small braids on both sides, a messy bun, or like right now, it's kept up because of a clamp. There’s a key feature in almost all of her items, a fascination for butterflies, because who would keep an entire pack of butterfly clips along with an extra butterfly clamp in their locker? Lastly, her uniform, it's perfectly neat, like it was ironed a million times before she could wear it and not a single crease can be seen. Along with the fascination of observing her seatmate, she despises how Hanni would smack her when she’s laughing. YN never complained when Hanni does it, despite the pain and coming home to see it still a bit red.
By lunch, it was no surprise that the pair would go their separate ways but to see that YN standing in front of Hanni holding her packed lunch while she finishes cleaning her table. Either one would wait for the other to leave or maybe YN was no longer being subtle about it that Chaewon would always tease her. Still, it meant that Hanni wasn’t the last one to leave the room, both making sure that the aircons are off and the doors are closed.
“You have the spare key?” Being class president meant that YN always had the spare key at hand, if not Hanni could just go to the stuco office and get it there. Hanni has the privilege as the student council president, but YN wouldn’t admit it if she needs help from her, similarly to Hanni thanking her for waiting.
“Yeah.” YN patted her pocket but she heard nothing, no clinking of metals. She patted all of her pockets and checked her packed lunch if by chance she placed it there. Looking at the window of the classroom, she left it at their table. “Shit.”
“Ugh, seriously? This is the first time you’ve forgotten the keys.” Hanni kept note of those who borrowed the spare keys in the stuco office, and YN has not once borrowed it.
“Keeping track now, Pham? Are you gonna write on your project how I managed to forget the keys once?” Hanni rolled her eyes as the pair walked towards the stuco office, it was better to get the keys right away rather than when the bell rang. YN only followed, a bit pissed at Hanni’s comment, it was her fault she misplaced it but similar to her mistake for due from a spelling error, it only happens once.
“No, that would be too shallow, even for me. I’d write how stupid you look like you’re Kevin from Home Alone, realizing you’ve forgotten it.” YN stopped in her tracks, a bit taken aback by the comment. It wasn’t the comment on how stupid she looked but the fact that Home Alone was mentioned. How would she tell Hanni that it was a sensitive topic to discuss that movie because she related so much to it. Being left alone during the holidays in a mansion only being accompanied by the maids and butlers that her parents assumed would take care of her.
YN kept quiet the entire time they were together, from opening the room to get the keys, giving Hanni the one that stuco has, and leaving the girl to eat lunch. Hanni took notice of her rival’s silence. Did I hit a nerve?
When Hanni finally reached her lunch table with her friends, greeting them as she sat down and ate her lunch. Looking around, she noticed YN wasn’t with her friends. No, I shouldn’t care about her, she’s my academic rival.
Danielle being the sweetheart she is, checked up on Hanni. It wasn’t rare she was late but she’s quiet which is more concerning, as if there was a ticking bomb in her mind waiting to explode at any moment.
The last time the stuco president was this quiet was when YN lashed out at her, along the lines of her being accused of cheating which was then proven wrong by the prefect of discipline. That time, everything was a mess, Hanni profusely apologized to YN even with the amount of evidence that the girl didn’t cheat in the finals. It was the first time that Hanni was guilty for accusing the girl, but she still saw YN as a threat to her potential title of valedictorian. People making comments on how jealousy made Hanni finally break, badmouthing her and some were planning on bullying the girl. That was until YN finally spoke to her after weeks of apologizing. To say the least, it was a traumatic event for both Pham and Park.
“Hanni, are you ok?” She looked up and nodded, it wasn’t like YN would admit to her hitting a nerve. It terrified her when YN was quiet, bringing back memories from their first year together. Maybe I did hit a nerve?
— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
Once classes were over, YN had managed to write a few things about Hanni, some are good but she lashed out during lunch but shortly after disregarding it as the girl didn’t know anything about her life. All she could do is keep the ones she’s written and gather more info when she arrives at Hanni’s place.
Hanni was finishing with stuco duties, short meetings and planning for future events, the grad ball was a bit close and they needed a sponsor. No one was willing to ask or have any ideas who to ask, they were staring right at a wall, just nothing. YN was given permission to stay inside the room but she must not mention to anyone about the events being planned. They shouldn’t worry about her when Chaewon is the one that spills everything in the groupchat.
“Pst. YN, you know anyone that could sponsor the grad ball?” She does, she always does, her own parents could. She had already asked them, but it was Chaewon that asked her, not Hanni. If only Hanni wasn’t ignoring her, she would have told her right there and then that she does know someone.
“No, sorry.” A chorus of groans and someone smacking their head on the table can be heard. They were back to square one which made Hanni decide to end the meeting earlier than usual, at least to get them in the right headspace to continue the conversation tomorrow. Chaewon said goodbye to YN and Hanni, which was a weird sight to see, the rivals walking home together?
The walk to Hanni’s place was awkward, both were giving each other their distance but at the same time they didn’t. It was so awkward that Hanni wanted to scream while YN wanted to run away. Both wanted to be left alone but they needed to work on their project, they needed information about each other, what made YN so quiet and what made Hanni so terrified of the girl?
“So..” “Uhm…”
“Sorry, you first.” YN cleared her throat to signal Hanni it was fine for her to speak up, whatever she has to say can wait.
“Uh, about earlier at lunch…” YN hummed, quickly glancing at her. It made Hanni stop for a second, what happened to the cold exterior from earlier? Like it melted right away when they’re alone. Has YN been like this before?
“You were suddenly quiet… if I hit a nerve from my comment, I’m sorry.” Nothing surprised YN more than Hanni apologizing, sure, the home alone comment did hit a nerve but the fact that she noticed the subtle change. Has she been observing me?
“It did, but then again, you shouldn’t apologize. You didn’t know.” Hanni was about to say something else, until YN spoke up again, shocking the girl.
“Without saying much, it’s not insecurities from my looks. I have quite a high self-confidence to not worry about that aspect. On the other hand, I do apologize for lying earlier during your stuco meeting… I do know someone that could sponsor the grad ball.” That was the longest thing that YN has mentioned to anyone about herself, aside from her own group knowing her life and visiting her at home. She wasn’t giving much away, she had the self-confidence that Hanni already knew of. When it came to her connections, that was where Hanni is left in the dark, what is there to her life that she won’t share.
“Why’d you lie then?”
“I wanted you to ask me.” Turning the corner, Hanni stayed in her spot a bit. What does YN mean that she wanted me to ask her?
When the pair had arrived at the Pham household, which was empty as her parents hadn’t arrived home just yet. Hanni felt embarrassed, she swore she wouldn’t bring YN here under any circumstances but here she was, showing her around, going to her room and bringing out baby pictures. It didn’t feel as if they hated each other, no. There was a sudden feeling of comfort. She had managed to tell her about where she grew up, why she moved to Korea, what her parents’ jobs were, her favorite insect (a butterfly, YN knew that already), and how much she loves music. YN didn’t tease her much, aside from the insect and a few things about how adorable Hanni looked as a child, but somehow Hanni felt that YN slowly brought her walls down as she listened to her rant.
“And now, you know the basics. What more do you want to know?”
“The future, where do you see yourself in 10 years, Pham.”
Where did she see herself in 10 years? Well, first, she probably went back to Australia to pursue her college degree there or probably in Korea University to take Law or Psychology. Does she see YN in her future? Somehow, yes. Park YN is the driving force for her to be better, do better, and just become the better version of herself everyday. Weird. Hanni sees it happening, in college or in the workforce, YN would be there.
“Probably I’d be a lawyer, living on my own and helping people.”
“I assume I’m no longer in that part of your life.”
Hanni notices the little things, YN fidgeting with her rings, looking around, avoiding her gaze, and sitting up straight. Her body, it shows different emotions, she can’t pinpoint what it is. Maybe its the way that YN would look at her and have a short moment of eye contact that would make her breath hitch. The way YN would act upon without being asked to let Hanni wear her jacket. YN somehow without talking much let’s her body say it all. She may spit venom at Hanni, but the way she acts as if she secretly cares and thinks about her. When... when did she take notice of all the little things that YN does and why does it have to be now.
“Probably.” Uncertainty, a chance, a probability, that was what YN was hoping for. Somewhere in Pham Hanni’s life after their encounter in high school does she hope for a chance to be a part of her future. Whatever that may be. “Oh… I guess we’ll never know.” Pham Hanni was uncertain if what she feels is hatred or something blossoming.
#newjeans#newjeans x reader#newjeans imagines#newjeans hanni#hanni x reader#pham hanni#hanni#new jeans hanni#hanni pham#nwjns#nwjns hanni#kpop x reader#reader insert#drag me down#dmd!yn
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Saria and Kristen when they were younger they were a healthy couple but sometime after Rhine Lab was established and built their relationship started to show cracks. Before all that I like to believe that Kristen wagged her tail behind close doors when Saria was around, just a slow wag. What do you think of Saria and Kristen?
oh boy, Saria and Kristen huh. rubs hands with malicious intents. I have, some THOUGHTS about them, i want to study their relationship under a microscope alright
to start with "they were a healthy couple", it's something that i can question. i mostly think about how Kristen lost her parents at the age of 10, and of her conversation with Saria about the subject in the manhwa:
Saria "always protected Kristen", and she said that since she lost her parents, "not many have been willing to defend her family's reputation". which means, Saria was pretty much the only person Kristen could rely on, and if she was able to continue and go on, it was thanks to Saria. once again, she lost her parents early, she was very likely alone all this time, and for a child, it can create a huge hole in their heart, one that Kristen probably and definitively tried to fill with Saria. she followed her, Saria was like a lighthouse for Kristen; and that's why it couldn't be healthy.
because of Saria's views, her beliefs on how emotions are a bias to scientific avancement, Kristen very likely followed these, but to an extreme. to the point of going against ethics to fullfill her ambition and continue her parent's legacy.
this is not to say Saria ever agreed with this, maybe even before Ifrit, if she knew about it, she would have stopped it. but it's to say that Kristen used this belief to feed her ambition, to see it as an open door to push the limits of what is allowed.
once rhine lab was created, once it became succesful, and Kristen was at the top of it all, she had no need to "use" Saria anymore. their relationship fell apart because Saria could not "defend" her anymore, now that Kristen was in control. she doesn't need anyone to defend her now.
so now, i'm not saying that Kristen never had any consideration for Saria. people in these situations may not even realize that what they are doing is wrong, that they may hurt someone. and i do believe that Kristen cares about Saria, and in fact, she truly does;
she doesn't want Saria to be hurt, she actually did nothing that would hurt Saria. but is it the present Saria she cares about, or the past Saria? when Saria met Ifrit and Silence, she opened her heart to emotions, she who never had a family who cared about her, she saw this child being hurt, mistreated, alone, and she wanted to protect her. the present Saria may still struggle, but she discovered what it is to feel loved, which she probably never discovered with Kristen before.
but Kristen, she wants the Saria who is ready to step on boundaries, to ignore emotions, to achieve scientific avancement. she wants the Saria who protected her, who stood by her side when she was alone and hurt.
but, she knows that this Saria doesn't exist anymore and she knows that Saria would never have agreed with her, she knows Saria would have tried to stop her. she studied Saria, her way to fight, her Arts, and she literally created a barrier in her office that cancels her Arts, she created power armors who can also neutralize Saria's calcification. that means one thing, Kristen was afraid of Saria. she knew she fucked up.
of course, Kristen would ALWAYS be ready to welcome Saria with open arms, she doesn't want Saria to go away from her, she never accepted that she left Rhine Lab. maybe Kristen is idealizing a Saria who is like her.
their relationship is MMWAH chief's kiss I LOVE psychology and character development. what i say can work even if their relationship is purely platonic, but i enjoy the little twist it gives if it was romantic, which means that Saria had experienced something toxic and it made her afraid of love above all emotions, which fullfill my evil thoughts about Saria x Silence
#so so many thoughts about them alright#not normal#kiwi crying and analyzing character's psychology again#cant wait to see how fucked up lone trail will show their relationship#arknights#askiwi
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Bloody Painter Headcanons
Did y’all miss these? Idc if this seems like a weird direction to go from my past two HC lists, I’ve always loved Helen as a character and I just went and read up on all the compiled lore DeluCat made of him years ago, and I got some HCs fresh in my mind!
I used THIS YouTube video from DeluCat herself as my main source, assume anything I don’t list/discuss here is filled in by anything here. I’m actually really impressed that she did so much research on different serial killers, psych ward operations, and violent crimes to make Helen as realistic as possible.
Expect canon typical horror/mature topics being discussed from this point forward, nothing is censored beyond this point!!!!
Roughly about 25, give or take a few years
STRICTLY he/him, will react violently if anyone calls him different pronouns, especially feminine ones
Despite this, he’s definitely not cis (it’s actually canon that he’s agender! Friendly reminder that pronouns =/= gender)
Like bro you were literally raised to have a gender crisis. Everyone point and laugh at the egg
Jeff used she/her for him once as a joke and he still has deep scars from what Helen decided to do to him
Like I shit you not, Helen took a sizable chunk of skin out of Jeff’s back, and only stopped because Eyeless Jack physically had to hold him back until Jeff left his line of sight
You wouldn’t even expect such violent outbursts from this guy considering how normally calm he is
Barely talks at all tbh
Like, he’ll interact politely with most of the residents of the mansion and isn’t turned off by conversation, but don’t expect him to hold a full conversation if he deems you boring or unimportant
Which tbh he probably will, he’s not super big on friendships considering how his last one went
Mostly prefers to keep to himself and is often in the more run down/abandoned wings of the manor
Has a naturally more feminine looking face (long eyelashes, smaller nose, etc) and does nothing to try and fix/hide it
Has converted one of the dilapidated rooms into an “art” studio
And by art. Heh. Let’s just say. Corpses
No actually he really just has an entire room dedicated to some of the most fucked up art a person is capable of making
Sculptures made out of bones and flesh, jars filled with coagulated blood submerging his taxidermy projects, eyeball jewelry, teeth jewelry, paint made from pummeled organs and flesh, brandings and etchings on stretched human skin, plushies made of human hair, he’s got it all
He also makes more “normal” art, which in reality is just more traditional mediums that still depict his usual obsessions with violence
Has gotten used to the scent of rot and decay like pretty much every resident has, but is one of the few who enjoys it
Is very selfish, self centered, and has an ego larger than Texas
Him and Ben have a somewhat transactional relationship; Helen films all the depraved torture and crafting he enacts and shares it with Ben, and Ben prints out news articles of Helen’s crimes for Helen to make art with, or just look at to admire his handiwork
ZERO empathy. His morals heavily align with the BEN AI, and even somewhat Slenderman’s
Hates animals. Not cause he’s scared of them or anything, but because he finds their existence useless
…unless he’s using it for fucked up taxidermy
LOVES torture the same way Eyelss Jack loves vivisections
One of his favorite things to do is rip a person’s fingernails out one by one, and then severing the hand and using the bleeding nail beds as the world’s most fucked up large paintbrush
Besides art, he loves to read. Kind of a given considering he’s basically the quiet kid
Loves depraved horror novels and serial killer memoirs/autobiographies
Can speak fluent Chinese, and often shit talks other pastas to their faces without them even knowing
Kagekao learned Chinese just so the two could gossip
Similar to EJ, has a more “buff” physique and has been seen breaking bones effortlessly. When you’ve been murdering steadily for over a decade at this point you kinda just learn where the weak/break points are in the human body
Can improvise anything into a weapon
Actually he really loves killing people with unconventional murder weapons. Scenes are often found with things like metal straws lodged in a victim’s sternum, or the top of a bowling pin shoved down a victim’s throat so far their jaw broke and the victim subsequently choked on their own blood from their shattered teeth
He’s gotten so good at this that the other pastas will literally make a game out of it and challenge him to use an outlandish item as a weapon the next time he kills
“Okay okay how about a bong” “are you being serious right now” “just answer the question art boy” “twice, actually. Though technically I think one of them was a really weird ceramic frog instead. That, or a pcp pipe.” “Awesome”
Hates removing his mask around anyone he’s not acquainted with
Gets reeeaaalll fuckin quiet too
Has gotten so good at being stealthy he doesn’t even alert or startle people like Eyeless Jack does
Surprisingly enough he actually gets enough sleep compared to most of the other residents of the manor
He’s also able to get comfortable and sleep practically anywhere, in the weirdest positions too. Is often found passed out in his studio sitting up, or laying on the floor covered in metal torture tools and bones
Despite his lack of empathy, his blood boils and he seethes if anyone dares to mess with Sally
The first day he stumbled across the manor and introduced himself by what the media called him, Sally gave him a drawing of himself, and he vowed on the spot to look out for the little snot
Is already a naturally patient person, and is incredibly patient and gentle when explaining how to do specific art things to Sally
Jokingly “agrees” with Sally about not liking doctors whenever she’s around eyeless Jack (though in his case he hates psych doctors vastly more than physical ailment doctors)
Back to the patience thing: will stalk a victim for months to toy with them. He has an eternity to do this to people with his newfound abilities granted to him by slenderman, why rush?
Helen 🤝 BEN/Ben = malewhore mansplain manipulate
Will say anything to get what he wants
Thinks in a very transactional and technical way. If you don’t do or offer something to benefit him first, he doesn’t even see you as a person
Is friends/close with: Sally, Eyeless Jack, BEN/Ben, Jason, Ann, and KageKao
Has a tolerable relationship with/is very neutral about: Masky, Hoody, Jane, Liu, Puppeteer, LJ, and Slenderman
Doesn’t get along with/HATES: clockwork, Nina, and Jeff
Him and Jason often collaborate together on pieces involving still living people
Him and Ann have a mutual distaste for doctors/hospital settings, and can often be found stitching up their wounds (or sometimes in Helen’s case a piece involving human flesh) together
Ace, heavily questioning if he’s aro too
He finds Ann aesthetically pleasing to look at, but his thoughts don’t go any further than that. Often uses her as figure practice (with her consent)
Is mainly fascinated by the fact she’s a walking sentient corpse
Tried cannibalism once, wasn’t a fan
Tried going to both Eyeless Jack and Ann once during a dysphoria-spurred panic attack and begged for bottom surgery
“But why tho” “I’m ace. I don’t need it. Don’t women who never want to get pregnant get rid of their uteruses anyways?” “Well, yes, but-“ “so help me god get this thing off my body”
Obviously one of the few times he actually doesn’t appear calm and put together to people. Tries his damn hardest to hide these panic attacks unless around Eyeless Jack or Ann. Would be mortified if Ben, Sally, or any of the loud judgmental pastas saw him in this state
Gives a lot of his full corpse art pieces a physical sex swap
You’re dead but hey free top surgery and you get to be fucked up art
Honestly doesn’t give a shit about symbolism, makes art of whatever he wants/feels like and makes it pretty clear there’s no hidden meaning
#bloody painter#helen otis#Creepypasta#creepypasta headcanon#creepypasta headcanons#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta hcs#creepypasta mansion#horror#weirdly enough I had a hard time coming up with unique HCs for him#there’s so much that’s already canon#delucat
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Desynced
So I really like Desynced.
Strictly speaking, it doesn't 100% fit what I was talking about in my Homestuck manifesto, since it's technically a Homestuck fan adventure rather than a brand new work.
However…for a fanwork, it feels more like a new piece of Homestuckian art than many others I've seen?
I'm reminded of an old Hussie formspring response, where the question was about what would happen if siblings living in the same house played SBURB. Hussie's response was that one shouldn't try to solve this with the rules of Homestuck, but instead imagine the kind of story and plot that would suit such a scenario.
Desynced is like that - playing by its own rules. A lot of other fan adventures feel too stuck (ha) in adhering to the rules of SBURB and Paradox Space. Desynced is quite literally playing an entirely different game. It lets go of so much about the way a fan story is traditionally conceived, and brings in its own set of laws and ideas that fit its own story better.
Some things I like, in no particular order:
-The depiction of parents and children - Desynced knocks this out of the park by splitting the difference between faceless authority figures and relatable kids by playing with perception and letting the parents talk to each other as adults, even when they're faceless to their kids. There is some really phenomenal parent-child content here. The relationship between Kate and her father, for instance, is fraught and filled with missed conversations that break my heart
-That in 2024, everybody in the main group gets to be queer and trans from the very start
-That the protagonist kids are Zoomers, and we see that their interests tend not toward 80s movies but things like Minecraft and Discord chats
-That we seem to be building towards a "war in heaven" theme, where different members of the future gods and Carapacians will take different sides in a cosmic struggle
-The music, which is full of bangers and feels like the sequel to the Homestuck bandcamp page that I never knew I needed
-The total reimagining of Jack Noir, which seems like it shouldn't work, but totally does
-The genius way that the game's equivalent of Denizens tie into weird cosmic mysteries
-Alien kids who appear at first glance to be trolls but are quickly revealed to not be trolls at all (maybe they're tieflings)
-The way in this universe, Trollsonas only exist in connection to an obscure game called Hiveswap
-The fact that the fantasy land inhabitants, the equivalent of consorts, are more fleshed out and have their own lives going on instead of just being silly animals - which hints that we're taking 'their existence more seriously and sincerely.
-That when Desynced does "play the Homestuck hits," it reminds you of how good those narrative structures are. Examples include:
Ordinary internet friend group discovers they are all interconnected and inveigled in a vast conspiracy
Making sense of the rules of a confusing alternate gamey-reality that suggests a sense of purpose but doesn't give you instructions for achieving it
Oh, and also, you have to do this while the world is ending and you're about to die
Villain narrator makes fun of you, the reader
Alien kids interrupt your game session to ramble at you about how they know much more about the game than you do, but it turns out they're just a tiny bit ahead and they're as confused about most things as you are
Ascending to godhood helps you redefine your identity but also causes as many problems as it solves
It's like, woah, Homestuck was really cooking, wasn't it?
We're all so used to the Homestuck plot structures and conventions that I think it's very easy to lose sight of why we fell in love with it in the first place. Reading Desynced made me remember how much I love the premise of Homestuck. Desynced achieves this by detaching from convention and focusing on Homestuck's themes: parent-child relationships, the limitations of one's ideology, the double-edged sword of finding identity in fantasy, and more.
So yes, Desynced is a Homestuck fanwork. But if we're asking where a Homestuck literary movement might go in the future, Desynched offers us a really neat glimpse of part of the answer.
I highly recommend checking it out, if you're interested.
-Ari
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Fic idea: How might the Sides help with writer's block?
Authors note: I wrote Janus and Remus for this one!! Which is why this took a tad longer than usual lol
⚠️ Warnings ⚠️: Remus making dirty comments
👑 Roman 👑
-Oooh writers block with Roman is ALMOST non existent
-He’s creativity after all so he would come up with the most extravagant things
-Would definitely use this as an opportunity to spend time alone with you in the Mindscape place and create whatever came to mind to help inspire you
-DAYDREAM MODE ACTIVATED
-He’ll do EVERYTHING to help you beat writers block, which also gives him an excuse to be as dramatic as possible
-Aww I also feel like the moment he has an idea he doesn’t even say anything he just rushes to the nearest writing utensil and writes it down before he forgets
-Just know asking for Romans help with writers block will have you both exhausted but happy
-exhausted mainly because of all the running around and happy that you both got to do all that together
-You definitely got an idea about what to write
💙 Logan 💙
-ABSOLUTELY LOVES IT WHEN YOU ASK HIM FOR HELP WITH WRITERS BLOCK
-Obviously calm and collected on the outside but on the inside he is so darn happy
-It just makes him feel very important and will take it very seriously
-He’ll research various topics with you, look at art/pictures, take notes of things, etc.
-Expect so. much. info dumping.
-But hey it really does help with drumming up some good ideas
-By the end of it, you’ll have like more than 5 pages worth of notes to help you with your writers block
-He’ll somehow even throw out MORE ideas as he helps you write whatever it is that you’re writing
-Literally a human grammarly so he’s always pointing out where you can improve your grammar
-Likes to compliment certain parts of your work in order to keep you motivated tho
-If you drink coffee, your both probably buzzing off of the amount of caffeine you guys drank during the reasearch
🍪 Patton 🍪
-At first he’ll ask, “what’s writers block?”
-Once you explain it tho, he’ll try drumming up any ideas on how to help
-I feel like his idea of getting you inspired will be stuff like, talking a walk to maybe help clear your head or baking/ cooking something for you
-Probably takes you to his room hoping that all the nostalgic stuff he has in it will help
-He’s trying his best lol
-He’ll probably get distracted with the things in his room and has to be constantly reminded of the task at hand
-Somehow that helps?? Like seeing him organically do stuff and not trying to help you get inspired, helps with the writers block
-With Patton it just really depends if he does or says something that somehow triggers inspiration
-Gives you cookies and milk as you work once you get past writers block
💜 Virgil 💜
-Once you ask him, you both probably sit on his bed trying to think of something
-Till Virgil suggests you listen to some music that will help you
-He puts on ALL his favorite albums
-Puts on Paramore, MCR, Evanescence, and probably the soundtrack of his favorite musicals/movies
-Probably suggests watching some movies to hopefully get inspired
-Tries not to panic when it doesn’t seem to work
-But it does work since you both end up talking in depth about the movies and songs
-It ends up being a veryyyyy long conversation since he’s very passionate about his interests
-And you love listening to him
-Once you sit down and get to work on the thing you wanna write, he’s there sitting with you to help bounce ideas off one another
-Kinda like Logan, will be vibrating from the amount of coffee he’s drank
-Once you asked him to help with writers block, he helped you through the whole day
-And I mean, the whole day
-You’re just both very relieved you finally got through writers block
🐍 Janus 🐍
-“You must be truly desperate to come to me for help.”
-Ok Loki nobody asked for ur opinion
-Will reluctantly help (he would love to help he’s just being janus. he’s actually jumping with joy on the inside that you asked him for help)
-He’ll probably try telling you stories that are completely made up to hopefully get ur creative juices flowing
-Yes he goes through the effort to make up stories to tell you
-Probably will take you to the library to help research various topics
-Why not just look it up? Bc he likes the quiet atmosphere
-Not at all bc he wants to put actual effort into helping you
-He’s gonna be a diva about it tho
-Surprisingly is very keen on helping you get motivated and when you think about giving up, he simply won’t allow it
-He gets you up and running
-Probably promises to get you something as a reward for getting through writers block
-One of the few times he’s not actually lying
-Once you do come up with an idea, he’ll probably make little sassy remarks about your work
-Know he doesn’t actually mean it, he just says it on instinct
-Oh and your reward? He can’t bring himself to give it to you in person so he just leaves it somewhere he knows you’ll find it
💚 Remus 💚
-Oh gosh, you almost regret asking him for help with writers block
-Bc he will go into gremlin mode and just do the most out of pocket things ever
-“To help your creative - and other- juices flow!!” he says
-Immediately gets hit upside the head for that little comment
-But, anyways, if you need help writing some messed up stuff or something; he’s the best guy for the job
-Just imagine him being as extra as Roman but much more…disturbing
-He won’t stop making dirty jokes/comments through the whole thing
-But he surprisingly does a good job at helping you out with writers block
-Of course you both will most likely get sidetracked bc Remus is being Remus
-Just know you you’ll be both disturbed but entertained when it comes to asking Remus for help
#sanders sides#thomas sanders#thomas sanders sides#virgil sanders#logan sanders#roman sanders#sanders sides x reader#patton sanders#janus sanders#remus sanders#sanders sides headcanon#roman x reader#logan x reader#Patton x reader#Virgil x reader#janus x reader#remus x reader
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look i'm definitely one of the people who's been saying that new TNT has been missing the forest for the trees with feeling the need to fuck with pre-existing old pet art before selling it when people very much just want the exact old pet art they remember, speaking as a mouthless shoyru enjoyer here who's mad they probably fucked that up forever, but the new halloween art is a big step up.
like this is just actually really good art and makes me feel significantly less skeptical about their recent "we hired more artists, we swear" statement. specific ones like the nimmo, xweetok, and maybe grarrl i really could actually see existing pre-conversion if they had gotten unique poses originally. the cybunny's cape only being visible on one side isn't ideal but is otherwise fine, and the ixi is unfortunately a little blobbish looking and probably needed another pass to get a better shape/silhouette, but it’s decently cute and i'm fully in favor of them addressing the "literally every ixi except like four or five of them are miserably ugly because those are the only ones that didn't follow their extremely unfortunate base model" problem. everything else is fantastic, i think.
except the aisha! again! they literally just cannot stop fucking up the aisha. they love fucking up the aisha. fucking up the aisha is new TNT's favorite hobby in the world. seriously, what is the fucking deal, aisha is one of their main mascot pets and they're the pet with the most devotedly insane fanbase by far. who is this for?! this is not for aisha diehards! are they capable of producing one singular good looking aisha?! blobbish, the miserable dinosaur tail is here again, directionless pose, not smiling for some reason, and why is the mouth open again, what is this art even trying to convey with this pose and expression? all the other new halloween art is conveying plenty of readable personality with its poses and expressions! the proportions are severely wrong regardless of if they were referencing the pre or post conversion art, the legs are too big, the antennae ears should get thicker at the top instead of being that bad looking twig thickness the whole way through, the ears are pointing the wrong way, why is that one ear snapped at such an awkward angle, bad silhouette, neck too short, head way too wide, eyes too big.... the literal singular only good thing they did here was toning down the eye masks to look more like the old art.
look, seriously, i genuinely think that the aisha and the shoyru being their primary mascots right now is subjecting them to way more specific and strict art directions than any of the other pets which is why they keep getting fucked up the worst by far. i think this is just what they want the aisha to look like now. something something marketing, branding consistency, something.
anyway, it's been noted that these are branded as "spooky hallowen [pet]" and not "nostalgic halloween [pet]," so there's speculation they may best-of-both-worlds the 'use old art no matter what even if it's stock and hideous' VS 'make new retro-looking art in unique poses' problem. the idea sounds nice on paper, but they've already gone, what, six waves mixing the two? would they only start doing it with future lines, meaning already released pets are permanently fucked either way? or are they gonna go back and retroactively add back in untouched art and change the designation on altered art? also, just the sheer amount of shit they'd be selling in the style department would be getting kind of ridiculous at that point. do we really want both 'mouthless blue shoyru' and 'blue shoyru b/w mouth' diluting the gacha odds even worse? man, i don't know.
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(fanfic) silly things in my 100k+ word wip that i really fucking love
i talk about this fic out of context a lot to avoid spoilers since it's not posted anywhere yet but... i really wanted to share a couple of things that might be a little too in context. anyways! lol-- the list is under the cut. proceed with caution if you plan on reading it when it's done :3
p.s. it's a sambastian fic but has a ton of other fun stuff. there's somethin' for everyone in there. (if you care at all, here's an intro to it.)
as annoying as it is to write, reoccurring items/motifs are so fun. like yes, i can and will be referencing a joke from ten chapters ago. and yes, that character sebastian knew? yeah, well, haley knew her too because they all grew up together and went to the same high school. it's just fun and a way i world build in a space that's already pretty developed.
speaking of the motifs, my favorite has to do with touch; the boundary between something explicitly platonic and romantic. pretty much every character toes the line but there are certain things, like hand holding, that just really take the cake for me. see it's not just hand holding. it's guiding. to go from holding a wrist to a few fingers to a palm and to then intertwine. it's fuckin' fantastic. even more so because it's such a small detail you can miss.
haley and vincent are two of my favorite characters to write. they have very specific voices and mannerisms and trying to keep it consistent and in character is such a fun challenge.
on that note, haley and sebastian are my favorite dynamic to write (other than sambastian obviously lol, the fic is theirs after all). they're both catty and their love-hate relationship is my favorite thing ever. i recently wrote a part where haley comes to him for advice and half the conversation they're arguing/dragging each other for absolutely no reason. and what makes it even funnier is they continue the conversation all the while this is occurring.
sam is full of shitty jokes and even though i only throw them in there a handful of times, i adore how cheesy he is. he just thinks he's so funny and, despite everyone's grumbling, they can't help but agree.
robin and sebastian's relationship is also fantastic. a lot of what i wrote with them is early on and needs to be heavily revised, but generally speaking, they're both flawed characters who fucked up their relationship with each other and being able to explore that in a healthy way makes me cry. it's just so good. everyone needs a robin.
abby is the most omniscient character in the whole story because she's not only friends with sam and sebastian (getting both sides of their stories) but also with haley (the town gossiper). the way the two girls kinda orbit everyone else while having their own shit going on is just a blast to write. they don't exist just to fuel the plot, they're their own characters. but also, watching them lose patience and start forcing their friends together like barbies while playing house is REALLY fucking amusing SDFUIHSDFH
internal battles are just SO juicy. most of sebastian's issues are internal and self inflicted. he's just in his head too much and does dumbass shit to try and cope with whatever he's feeling (that he doesn't want to, even if it isn't inherently bad) at any given moment. the main plot and catalyst for the story's problems is literally him not wanting to accept that having feelings for people is okay!!! he's so stupid!!! i love him!!! (he's also me sometimes... i fear...)
i'm not typically a massive fan of ocs in written fan fiction (i for some reason eat art/comics up though???) but i cannot help myself by throwing in random and irrelevant characters. there are two market-esque things in winter year 1 and all the vendors the characters talk to have names and personalities. all of them were made up on the spot and will (likely) never reappear, but i don't care. they add depth to something otherwise limited to a handful of canon characters. i haven't tried out any expansion mods for sdv but i totally get why people like them so much and write those new npcs into fics. the options increase like... sevenfold XD
speaking of ocs, i basically make irrelevant canon npcs into ocs in this fic. welwick the fortune teller? i made them non-binary and they genuinely have thousands of words dedicated to them and are referenced multiple times throughout the entire fic.
SPEAKING OF QUEER FOLKS-- anyone i add is some flavor of queer. i don't give a single fuck. there's an nblm relationship and there's a trans masc character and there will be many more random inclusions because i said so.
super minor detail that i technically haven't had the opportunity to add yet but background ships? characters who literally don't have audible interaction? i'll be writing that in. haven't decided who's getting blasted with the miku-beam-of-homosexual-pairing yet but i'm leaning toward harvey and elliot. and both of them have their own lines in the fic already. so they're real... (and i love them...)
sebastian opening up as the fic progresses, letting people into his life, letting people love him unconditionally... A U G H-- it's fucking fanTASTIC bro. i already have an idea of the exact way i'm going to end the fic and it has to do with this exact concept and the way it's physically represented in his collection of 'cherished items'. more than just abby and your mama care about you now my love =((( /pos
okay. i think i'm good. i can seriously go on forever just like with my headcanons. i just love writing so much. i LOVE IT SO MUCH-- also, before i go, take a shot every time i said something was fun to do. you'll be drunk as hell by the time you get back down here, trust XDD
#benji writes fanfic#stardew valley#sdv#sdv sam#sdv sebastian#sdv abigail#sdv ass trio#sdv haley#sdv fanfic#sambastian#sam x sebastian#ao3 writer#ao3#writerblr
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