#it literally exists in conversation with the very thing i love about art

[cherrymoonvol6]

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[icewindandboringhorror]

Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol

[vi-arcanes-left-biceps]

So... I wanted to write about the Caitlyn hate train because it's flooding my twt.

First I'd like to start by saying that you're entitled to dislike a character. Arcane is a work of art, but it's also just cartoons -whatever, just hate the cartoon character. I don't even like Caitlyn that much, mostly I find her arc very compelling.

But. The amount of hate and the shape it takes, for me, is very clearly influenced by a few factors.

With Caitlyn I feel like half of the folks are just regurgitating discourse they read before and try to earn internet morality/politics points while very much forgetting to touch grass. There is no"I don't like her", there is a sense of rightgeousness in disliking her that doesn't make much sense. "She's literally Hitler!" Please think. There are real life fascists and nazis over here. This is a cartoon who's the bad guy for like four and a half episodes.

There are interesting conversations to have about how Caitlyn's actions mirror real life oppression, as many also point out as a reason to hate her. It's fair that you dislike her those actions, to be honest. But 1) stories are not made to be morally perfect but to explore themes and emotions -characters will do bad, even evil things; 2) critical consumption of media exists; 3) using political language to hate on a fictional character with no real political critique/analysis behind makes me think you don't really believe that much what you're saying & you just want to use buzzwords you learned on the internet.

Takes like this are tinted with some sort of attempt to a moral high ground for disliking a fictional character for political reasons, while simultaneously refusing to understand the narrative of the character and think critically about what it is trying to say about real world politics.

To analyse a story you have to engage with it. See what it wants to tell you. See how it does it. See how it fails. You can dislike Caitlyn and tbh disliking her because of her role in the story is more than fair. But that doesn't equal media analysis. And I'm sorry but not liking a character doesn't make you more politically committed than the rest.

There are so many interesting things to say about Arcane's flawed portrayal of politics. How it uses the aesthetics of oppression to tell a story without deeply analysing the oppression itself within the narrative, how the context in which it was created and the beliefs held by its authors afect the portrayal of themes... Among all these, "Caitlyn is evil and irredeemable because we saw a montage of her and Vi doing police violence" is a very superficial take. Please, please, pleeease analyse those montages frame by frame and discuss how they showcase police violence, what bias they have, what purpose it serves. Analyse how it takes from real life events in a way that is insensitive. I'd love it sooo much to see posts like this.

On the other side, I've seen people say both that say Caitlyn is evil because of the acts she commits and then say that Silco is a revolutionaire. What? Silco WAS a revolutionaire, and he still had a motivation to make Zaun free, but his motivations do not match his actions and that's pretty obvious. "Sometimes revolution requires violent resistance" = "Silco is a revolution hero" showcases a very shallow level understanding of the first phrase there. Silco flooded the streets of Zaun with drugs. The Firelights were born out of willingness to defend zaunites from Silco and Jinx. Silco did not do violent resistance against Piltover, not since the rebellion he had led with Vander. He tried to invent shimmer as a weapon to fight again and the only thing he managed is to make many people misserable and dependent on it -and he didn't care. His character and his actions are quite more complicated than "he's doing everything for revolution"; but again, another character reduced to a catchphrase that fails to actually engage with his story. Only difference between these people's opinions on Silco and Caitlyn is that Silco's character has the word "revolution" near in the script and Caitlyn's script includes "cop".

Another thing is, why hate Caitlyn so much and not say a single thing about Ambessa? I can think of a few reasons but I'll summarise like this:

1) Not being aware that Ambessa is always the one calling the shots here even if Caitlyn is given the title of Commander. Even though the show is very much making this clear.

2) Because Caitlyn gets a redemption and Ambessa gets "punished" aka is a villain and dies. As if humans where not more complex than good and evil.

3) Caitlyn's more popular than Ambessa I guess? It's always more fun to hate on the popular character. Also she's a main character so she'd obviously get more more attention.

3) Some people just want women to be perfectly moral all the time, and in wlw relationships even more. I didn't want to bring up fandom misoginy & lesbophobia but I can tell if it was Jayce having her narrative and redemption the discourse would be quite different.

Anyway. Acab and long live critical thinking. I guess I just want to say please send some nuanced Caitlyn takes my way because I'd really love to read those.

[luneemeritus]

I’m so tired of this now they’re saying Blitz has stockholm syndrome

Oh my god I'm SO GLAD this anti mentioned Stockholm Syndrome, but wait let me just point out some things before this topic

1- I LOVE the "hellaverse is sexiiissssttt" crowd slandering Vivienne on every oportunity they have and blindly praising Brandon for writing the same funny, dramatic and erotic episodes that she writes. Oh-uh, projected misogyny there, uh-hu. SPECIALLY when Stolitz, the scary boogyman they fear so much, was mainly developed by Brandon. The way queer women are treated, even when they're not really doing anything wrong and just living their lifes/doing their art, is horrendous. It sure tells a lot about antis and their moralism.

2- Wtf the new merch has to do with the EP's quality OR with Viv's morality? Literally, ANYTHING they dislike is a reason to write an essay against Viv. What are these ppl's obsession with Viv???????

3- And now the big elephant in the room. Stockholm Syndrome, the thing that doesn't exist, it's not recognize by any professional and has no psychological diagnosis of a mental illness or disorder in the DSM-5. You've probably already seen people accusing Belle from Beauty and the Beast of having such Syndrome, claiming that she "felt in love" with her kidnapper/abuser, even though the Beast: didn't kidnap her, didn't abuse her, it was her choice to stay at the castle, he changed by his own will (she didn't "fix him", he fixed himself, she always fought back his assholery and didn't accept to be treated badly AND only felt in love with him in the end, when she came back to the castle by her own choice, after he changed. But why am I talking about all of this even though other people already covered up this topic in much better ways? (x) It's because antis use the EXACT SAME arguments about Blitz and Stolas. Antis ignore Blitz's agency and consent, they ignore him not accepting shitty things Stolas did/say, they ignore the fact that Stolas never abused his power nor forced Blitz do to anything. Blitz is not a victim (of Stolas), Stolas is not an abuser. Blitz's traumas are not Stolas's fault and vice-versa. The "Stockoholm Syndrome" speech was used to infantilize victims (mostly women) and speak on their behalf, notice how it's never about the alledged abuser being a bad person, it's about the alledged victim being "weak" and "insane" by "falling in love" with their abusers.

Yall want an actual coping mechanism/victim and abuser dynamic? Angel and Valentino.

"(...) but the most important faced that people miss about Stockoholm Syndrome is that it is *not* a diagnosable mental disorder, it is *not* on the DSM, Stockoholm Syndrome is considered a "contested illness", as a large portion of the psychiatric and law enforcement community do not believe it is a thing. So, honestly, this entire conversation is almost rendered moot, because Stockoholm Syndrome kind of belong in the category of "debunked pseudoscience" than an actual study-able psychological condition, or at the very least is it in the category of "more research needed".

[eternalfics]

hey!! can i req hcs of saiki with a very emotional s/o, like takes a lot of stuff to heart and cries their eyes out while watching sad movies (this is definitely not bc i just watched grave of the fireflies and sobbed like a baby) and just someone who’s overall a hopeless romantic?? (I loved your other headcanons for him 🫶🫶)

saiki with an emotional! reader

(gn reader! reader is also new to the class and addressed as “Y/N”

warnings:

a/n: OH MY GOSH?! ANOTHER ONE 😍?! I can tell you guys love saiki k 😙 but it’s okay because I’m having a saiki brain rot 🤪 and I literally freaked out when I saw the official art.

What I listened to:

summary: saiki with a hopeless, sad, sensitive partner 😔

okay, let’s be honest here. SAIKI would absolutely freak out (mentally)

so like let’s see when u met

When you introduced yourself to the class, anyone could barely hear you, while Saiki on the other hand could hear your rushed thoughts.🤨

“My name is L/N Y/N.. and I *mumbling*..”

‘OMGIMUSTBEREALLYQUIETAHHHTHEYDONTLIKEMEALREADY!!’ :(

Literally, when speaking to other classmates was quite a trouble. 😀 And when someone called you “babyface” as a joke, OHOHOHH there come the waterworks (after you excused yourself to the bathroom ofc). Saiki already knew you were gonna cry ofc, but he couldn’t help but get more interested in you more? 🤔

HEADCANONS

it’s obvious he cannot watch sad parts of movies with you, because every time he always looks at you there’s already a river of tears running down your face 😭

“I’m sorry, Jerold. It’s just that I can’t do this anymor-“

*very loud sobbing clearly coming from you”

We all know Saiki’s sharp with his words, but he’s got a huge soft spot for you. (I should have put acts of service as his love languag) So yeah, everything that makes you sad just doesn’t exist anymore. (We’ll put it that way)

Oh no, The store just ran out of your favourite snacks! Oh? Turns out you have a months supply in the cabinet. The drama series you watched just ended? No, what do you mean there’s another one right next to this show.

If you just happened to come across a purple haired, terrible haircut, way too confident, so annoying person (described by Saiki) he’ll wrap you up in a blanket and lay down next you. Maybe have a conversation about coffee jelly 😌

Sometimes, Saiki can’t handle it 😰 like for example:

“Hey, Kusuo! What do you think of this new jacket I got? :D”

*mentally panicking*

“Its.. good.”

He had to spit that out 💀

About the hopeless romantic thing, he kinda expected that- But take this as a way as saying he knows you well :) 😄

Overall, Saiki thinks of you when he sees crying babies. 🙂

[dangerouslyknown]

Hiromi Higuruma Headcanons 🌻

A/N: Ughhh I have been having literally 0 motivation for writing, kind of like an art block. I wanna write so much but something just prevents me lmao... But this man, I swear. He just sparked my will to write and hopefully also work off the requests and one trade with a friend I have been working on. Also I just haaaad to get these out of my head

Contents/warnings: Random general headcanons, relationship headcanons & NSFW headcanons. I am just writing about "his S/O" and referring to S/O with they/them. Doesn't contain spoilers from JJK story, just Higuruma and his existence

General headcanons

He listens to Modern Talking. Don't ask where this comes from, I just feel like he'd like their music. Also somehow I was thinking he'd like Bon Jovi, too? He isn't like a crazy fan for either of them, just likes various of their songs. Could see him listening instrumental music as well, like game/movie soundtracks

Surprisingly enough he isn't a huge drinker. He enjoys an alcoholic drink every now and then to refresh, but he knows his limits. He knows when it feels good and when it goes overboard

He doesn't have visible muscles for the most part, I'd like to think him having a bit of body fat which hides them. My man is an attorney, he hasn't been focusing in training or being physically fit all that much. He does like to keep himself in decent shape though, because healthy body equals a healthy mind

He's not tall per se, more like average height, definitely under 180 centimeters

He's a minimalist. He doesn't have anything "extra" in his apartment, just the necessities

Speaking off, his wardrobe probably isn't huge either. Maybe a basic suit or two, so he can wash the other and still have the other one wearable. Otherwise his wardrobe is filled with mostly casual comfortable clothes. He values practical clothes, too

If he ends up having time to play games, he'd definitely mostly be into single player, story focused games. Not into fps games. One of his favorites are, funny enough, Ace Attorney games (he also likes the soundtrack)

SFW relationship headcanons

He doesn't strike me as a person who would be into dating all that much, but if he finds so called a right person, he might consider it. He doesn't really sleep around with lots of people either

He values the personality of a person more than looks. Forming an emotional and a mental bond is what matters him the most when it comes to a relationship

He doesn't even have a type, really. He thinks he is capable of finding anyone attractive if their personality hits him

And while we are at it, I bet he would love to have conversations with his S/O about anything. He'd love to discuss anything, silly to serious to deep thoughts with the right person. He wants to hear his S/Os thoughts and share his own

He'd also love to have playful, sarcasm filled banters/debates with his S/O

Either quality time or physical touch are his love languages

Quality time, because he is often doing long days and working a lot so he might not be around as much as he'd like. But when he finally is around his S/O, no matter what they do, he is going to be very happy. He likes to do the most basic, mundane things together with his S/O. Having breakfast, watching TV, showering together, cooking together, sitting together in the same room...

And what comes to physical touch, he just loves to get touchy with his S/O and most of the time not even in a sexual way. It is like a way to make up for all the time he hasn't been around. All the little touches and kisses he exchanges with his S/O makes him feel so loved

Oh, and one thing he'd absolutely love is to get a massage from his S/O. He would literally melt to their touch

(NSFW under the cut)

NSFW relationship headcanons

I think he is pretty vanilla... But he is very open to try new things and kinks for his S/O and for his own curiosity. He'd also be pretty gentle overall, but he loves his sex passionate, with an intimate, personal feel to it

He is a heavy switch when it comes to dynamics. He can top, he can bottom. But I have a feeling he'd have a tiny little submissive side in the sheets. He isn't opposed to being dominative either, but like I said, he is mostly vanilla so these kind of dynamics aren't exactly what he desires in the sheets

He prefers to do all the sexy stuff mostly in somewhere private, only him and his S/O... but he can't deny that he has thought of taking them in his office. Something about the though of him fucking them on his desk turns him on

He would definitely love having sex with clothes (mostly) on. First of all, he can be a bit tired after long days (and lazy, too) but, like, just having his dick out of his fly... or both of his and his S/Os pants just slightly lowered. It's all just so hot for him

Oh, and he'd love to fuck his S/O anywhere (privately). On the floor, on the sofa, against a wall. He isn't picky, he just wants to feel good

I still feel like bed is his to-go, because he is often tired to do anything extreme and it's just overall more comfortable to get down to business in the sheets

Previously mentioned that his love language is physical touch which applies to this aspect too. Sex is also a part of that for him. Sex is also a way for him to feel deeply connected with his S/O, physically and emotionally

Sex with his S/O is his favorite stress relieving method

I'll say it: I never thought he'd have a big cock. Recently, I came across Kyo-00´s Headcanons of the dicks of JJK men, and I agree on her take of Higuruma. I had previously thought he'd be more like average sized or so

He doesn't need to have a huge cock though, because he knows how to use what he has. He also has his mouth, his nose and his hands to make one pleased

This could probably go without saying, but he loves when his S/O shows him that he is desired and cared for. He would get so excited if his S/O initiated intimacy and slid their hand to his pants to play with his still limp dick, stroking it while giving his neck and face soft kisses all over... (Consensually, of course. He isn't always in the mood for that stuff either) Anyhow, that just sends a message to him which turns him on. Who would even want to have sex with someone who doesn't seem into it?

I believe he wouldn't want kids, so he 100% would get a vasectomy especially if his S/O is a afab/female so there isn't a need to worry about pregnancy

[violet-moonstone]

Black Women and Girls in Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Media in General

Thinking about how much Mel Medarda (and characters like her) means to me and considering making a sideblog with posts about black women in science fiction, fantasy, and historical fiction -- because we are often not included, sidelined, or portrayed primarily as struggling.

And I want to focus on Black women who are portrayed as intelligent, kind, wise, graceful, cherished, etc because we are not expected to be these things (I've straight up been told to my face that someone was shocked that I was kind and intelligent because I'm Black...and they meant this as a compliment). I've also had friends make comments about not expecting a guy I liked to be interested in me because they just naturally assumed he's "not into Black girls" because that's the norm in our neighbourhood.

I've also been told that I'm not "really Black" or that I'm "whitewashed" or "an Oreo" because I don't fit the narrow idea of a Black woman many people have about Black women and Black people in general. I'm not loud, sexual, or aggressive enough. The way I speak isn't Black enough, and neither are my hobbies and interests). Seeing Black women and girls portrayed in a variety of ways is so freeing, because it allows all Black women to see themselves in media and art.

I think conversations about how women are portrayed in fiction can be difficult, because no, I don't think all women should be portrayed as traditionally feminine and/or as love interests. Yes, I think there should be women who are portrayed a strong and brave warriors...but as a Black woman, that's pretty much the expectation -- to be a warrior who needs no help. But this expectation does not come out of admiration.

We're expected to be strong and able to shoulder burdens on our own because very often, people don't want to help us so we have to help ourselves. We're not expected to be watched out for and certainly not serious, long-term love interests (unless we're biracial or have light skin) in fiction or even in real life. And then when you get intelligent, dark skinned Black girls/women as love interests who have any personal goals or opinions that don't 100% align with the male protagonist, prepare for her to be hated (See the Castlevania: Nocturne and Invincible fandoms for examples).

I'm not going to get into detail about the history of the "strong Black woman" trope and the effects of slavery on perceptions of Black women, but if you need an example of how this still affects society: Black women in countries like the US, Canada, and England are more likely to die in childbirth. This is partially because of how wealth disparities among racial groups affect access to healthcare, but it's also related to Black women's pain not being taken seriously and Black women not being seen as worth protecting in the same way (This also happens with Indigenous and Hispanic women btw).

There are still people in healthcare programs/people who work in healthcare who were taught that Black people have a higher pain tolerance than people of other races. Being a "strong Black woman" isn't exactly an empowering experience when your suffering is seen as trivial or non-existent.

Let's not forget that when Rue (who was explicitly described has having dark skin in THG) was cast as Black (and played by a very light actress btw) there were people in the fandom talking about how they automatically pictured her as being pale and blonde because that's their mental image of a sweet, innocent girl. (Also because these people were not very bright and couldn't imagine that Katniss thought Rue was similar to Prim in terms of personality, not literal appearance).

When Annabeth Chase was cast as Black, I saw someone talking about how it didn't make sense because as a white blonde in the books, she would have a reason to prove her intelligence and defy stereotypes...as if this isn't something Black girls go through in a much more intense way on a regular basis!

Anyway I wanted to mention all of that because it's important to keep in mind when I'm talking about appreciating characters like Mel. Appreciating femininity or being a primary love interest can be seen as frivolous and limiting because in general it's a box that a lot of female characters (especially White female characters) are put into, but it's important for Black women because we get it so rarely (although I think it's getting less and less rare these days, thankfully).

[tobiasdrake]

In Dragon Ball Daima, when Goku says he "wasn't really involved" in raising the kids, I chuckled bc. Yeah. That's true. But also, that's not really a bad thing??? As someone with a dad who was around more often, but who was actually a POS at various points, I WISH my relationship with my dad was as pleasant as the one Gohan and Goten have with Goku. Do you similarly feel the debates about Goku as a father are tired and way overblown?

I... can't really agree that the existence of parental abuse is a solid argument in favor of parental neglect.

But setting that aside, the thing about Goku is that. Like. As a husband and a father, he kinda sucks. In predictable ways. There's nothing special about the ways that he doesn't live up to the expectations of his family role. It's exactly the way you would think he wouldn't live up to it if you've spent more than five minutes in conversation with the guy.

He's an absentee dad with no marketable skills beyond punching fish out of a lake and no motivation to seek employment. He spends all day pursuing his favorite hobby. His son isn't as interested in it as he'd like and so they struggle to connect and misunderstand each other, but they both love each other nonetheless even if they lack common ground.

That's it. That's what his parental shittiness boils down to. He's a deadbeat who'd rather do katas in the backyard all day than obtain a steady income. Sometimes he disappears for months or years at a time to go where the winds of martial arts will take him. He's never really risen to the challenge of his marital and familial role. Never allowed his life and mindset and personal ambitions to change in the ways that would be expected of a parent.

And. Like. Yeah. That's Son Goku. Is anyone surprised that he kinda sucks at this? Literally his complete understanding of marriage when he started was "You and Chi-Chi will live in the same house." That's it. Those are his wedding vows: He will share a house with Chi-Chi.

And he's been mostly successful at it. There are a couple black spots even on that meager expectation. Yardrat, mainly.

But as a general rule, once the Discourse Engines have had their say, anyone who just "kinda sucks" will inevitably wind up being the rope in a tug-of-war between "ABSOLUTE MONSTER WORST EVER" and "DID NOTHING WRONG".

This is just what happens. When two sides start fighting over something and getting defensive over a long period of time, the opinions slowly slide towards increasingly extreme caricatures of what the original argument was about. After a certain point, any amount of nuance becomes a concession to the enemy.

It's a valid criticism to say that Goku is neglectful and self-absorbed. It is not a valid criticism to say that Piccolo or Vegeta are better fathers than him.

"Man, I'm a WAY better Dad than Kakarot." ~TeamFourStar Vegeta, Dragon Ball Z Abridged, intentionally ironic.

Part of this does, in fact, roll up to Dragon Ball Z Abridged. I don't think they originated the Bad Dad Goku discourse but they certainly escalated it. Company CEO and one of the three head writers KaiserNeko has talked multiple times about how throwing so much fuel on this particular fire is one of his regrets as a creator.

Which is why the show went to great lengths to reverse course in its final season, but the damage was already done. And the result is two very entrenched sides, one built around the idea that Goku is unforgivably monstrous as a parent and the other around the idea that Goku's a perfect dad actually and y'all should shut up.

Meanwhile Goku himself just... kinda sucks at parenting in predictable ways that are consistent with his established character.

See also: Avatar Aang.

[morganbritton132]

I just read your post about Steve and Eddie taking hobby classes together and I love the idea of a big famous rockstar taking a paint n sip class and these moms going “…. Is that??? No??? I’m pretty sure that’s Eddie munson. My kid loves his band” and Eddie interacting with moms who want to FaceTime their kid cause they met someone famous. Because you know some moms have no shame when they meet someone their kids love

The first time they went to one of these classes, Eddie tried to do the whole low-key celebrity thing and wear a hoodie and a baseball cap. Steve took one look at him and was just like, “What are you doing? You look like someone’s stalker. No one is going to recognize you, you weirdo.”

But Steve is wrong.

It’s not just people recognizing him from the band their kid likes. Corroded Coffin was very popular in the nineties. There are people in this class that had posters of Eddie Munson on their bedroom walls when they were teenagers, and they insist on getting their picture taken with him too.

Eddie plays along, of course, because he doesn’t really get a choice unless he wants this whole five-week course of classes to be super awkward. He even says hi to some kid on FaceTime who doesn’t even know who he is because his mom confused Corroded Coffin with the Counting Crows somehow.

These things are fine.

Steve typically finds things like this amusing because he knows that Eddie secretly loves it, but that stops immediately the moment the woman across the table from them heavily implies that Eddie is on her and her husband’s list. Her name is Stephanie. She’s a part of a little gal’s night out group, has lipstick on her teeth, and a little too much wine in her, leans closer and stage whispers, “You know, the list that married couples have.”

“Interesting, interesting,” Eddie hums, humoring her. “Am I in good company on this list?”

Steve watches this conversation play out and decides that he doesn’t like Stephanie’s flirty tone or the fact that Eddie hasn’t just shut her down because he is married. And also gay. He’s gay too. It’s not like Steve feels threatened by a literal non-existent possibility, you know.

Just – have some respect for the man’s wedding ring, right?

She leans across the table to tap Eddie’s arm at some joke he made and Steve is so distracted by this that he accidentally knocks over one of the water cups when he goes to clean his brush. The water splashes across the table and nearly gets Stephanie’s shoes, but she moves away.

“Shit,” Steve says, “Sorry. I – shit. Let me help you.”

Luckily no one’s canvases got ruined since they’re all propped up on little easels and Steve helps mop the water up off the table and floor where Stephanie is working. He almost forgets about her flirting with his husband until she tells Eddie, “Your friend is so sweet, isn’t he?”

Steve tosses his wet paper towels in the trash and points to Stephanie’s smudgy painting of one of the clown figurines on the table, and says, “Wow, your art is amazing. I wish I could paint a self portrait like that.” 

[aihoshiino]

chapter 162 thoughts!

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 19

Aqua Hoshigan Status: uh oh, gamers

damn they dragged his ass right to hell, huh

I was perhaps overly optimistic in expecting an immediate resolution to last chapter's setup. It's becoming increasingly clear that this handful of chapters covering the Aqua-Hikaru confrontation are intended to be read in one go but because I am pedantic I will continue to review them one by one <3 This chapter very much has all the same issues as the previous chapter without quite as many of the things I liked pulling it up, but Mengo's art is back to going absolutely crazy and I got to see 2.5 new panels of Hoshino Ai so who can say whether it was a good or bad chapter.

Like last time, we're starting with Hikaru again and… basically everything I said I didn't like about this handling of him is still the case but with this almost definitely being his final appearance with no more opportunities to explain anything about him, it really sucks that the note we seem to be ending on is just "damn, bitch be crazy". Given that Tsukuyomi mentioned his previously 'noble soul' last chapter, I was really hoping we might get some sort of flashback or Hikaru POV giving some proper context to his actions but all we got this chapter was him being like "ughh i miss ai. GOD i love killing people" which is, uh, underwhelming as a final note for an antagonist like Hikaru to go out on, to say the least

The thing is, I didn't need or expect Hikaru to be totes 100% an innocent bean or anything like that (ch109 looms large), but if he was going to be the final boss like this, I wanted his antagonism to come from somewhere, to have any kind of connecting thread with the story's themes or to at least tell us interesting things about him both in coming to understand where his behavior came from and why he went down this path. But we don't know anything about Hikaru, really - we know facts about his life but as person and a character in a story, our image of him is shockingly unclear. As far as the story seems to be concerned, he came into existence as an 11yo boy being abused by Airi, blipped out of reality when Ai broke up with him and then idk digivolved back into society into a guy from a yandere otome game when Ai died. Like, how in god's name did Hikaru go from the boy we see being broken up with as a teenager to… whatever the fuck this is? How did he start killing? Why? What is it about killing that makes him feel Ai's supposed presence? And most importantly - why does he pursue killing Ruby as his means of achieving this when the narrative is doing everything it can to convince us she's Ai 2.0 and therefore a living person in whom Hikaru should be able to feel Ai's presence the most strongly since her death? Hello? Can anyone hear me????

We don't get textual answers to any of that - hell, we don't even really have any textual confirmation that he is actually serial killer, despite it being something I guess we're supposed to assume at this point?? Like, whatever happened to Aqua seemingly crediting Yura's death to Nino's involvement? What happened to Aqua saying that Hikaru being the mastermind made no sense? Like, I guess he was right, but jesus

Even things I can take the time to try and infer (which, see last review's discussions on Inferring Things) just make me feel like I'm doing the work the story should have done in terms of trying to get his character to cohere. As it stands, Hikaru isn't in opposition to Aqua because he has harmful beliefs or behaviours born from his participation in society that stem from or are in conversation with the story's wider themes, but because he has one very specific unhinged belief totally disconnected from reality focused on one specific person and manifesting in such a way that caused him to just be Ontologically Evil And Broken.

And it's not like this would even be hard to do! Hikaru is literally, explicitly an affluent and powerful person in the entertainment industry despite being someone who was broken by abuse perpetuated by those very systems of power. Why not lean into that? Why not examine the ways in which Hikaru and Ai converged in their experiences of abuse - Ai able to truly sever the chain and begin healing while Hikaru ends up making Airi's mistakes and enacting abuse and control on people with less power than him to try and regain agency and dignity?

Ryosuke (even post retcon) and ch154 Hikaru work so well because their specific beliefs about Ai reflect real world misogyny and parasocialism that are rife in the entertainment industry (and even outside of it) so they're able to contribute to the story's wider themes pretty well. But as of this chapter, Hikaru's stated beliefs about killing and apparent overall worldview are so fucking detached from reality and so lacking any foundation or grounding in textual events or theming that it doesn't even feel like an exaggeration of real world issues to a logical conclusion like Ryosuke does. He just feels like a cartoon character.

Not only is this shallow in general and really a huge wet fart of an ending for a character who has been built up for 4 actual years and 150 chapters of manga, it's also just bizarrely inconsistent. There's no proper connecting thread in the text between the seemingly emotionally disarmed and remorseful Hikaru of 154-5 and fucking joker slenderman ass here. The story spent so long making Hikaru deeply and viscerally sympathetic through exploring his history of abuse and exploitation mirroring Ai's that I'm not sure of what the point of that was in terms of authorial intent if we were always gonna end at this point of "you are Ontologically Evil and must die". Movie Arc backstory Hikaru flows quite naturally into 153-5 Hikaru but these specific beliefs and fixations on killing almost feel like they popped up from nowhere to force this confrontation to happen.

Ultimately, despite being given ample opportunity to do so, it just kind of feels like Akasaka just kind of lost interest in trying to develop Hikaru into a fully fleshed out and coherent character. We get flashes and teases of what could have come together into a fascinating and compelling antagonist but he ultimately fails to evolve past a vague sketch of a character, full of unconnected ideas and loose threads. In the end, Hikaru is only ever a cipher for the story to enact tragedy through with no real interest in his own feelings and interiority in relation to it - not even his own.

To scooch back a bit into the chapter, I will say that him being dragged down specifically by Gorou is interesting, especially since he seems to have returned to his scary ass Tokyo Blade rage ghost form. This seems to represent Gorou and his rage being sort of 'exorcised' from Aqua now his revenge is complete (as I theorized might happen last week) - his memories and existence obviously live on in Aqua (F… FOR NOW…..) but as a character in a narrative, this feels like a fine enough place to leave him.

Anyway, speaking of Aqua! How ya doing, champ?

that bad, huh

The back half of this chapter revolves around giving Aqua some emotional resolution of his own and even though I've been kicking and biting to get some Aqua introspection for so long now, this one left me feeling pretty cold. After all this time of floating around the 'why' of his reincarnation, the answer we're finally given is….. just that Aqua was reborn to be Ruby's guard dog lol.

The idea that the twins were specifically reborn to be together has been imo pretty obvious for a good long while and I think it's a perfectly fine idea on paper, but this framing of it just kind of falls flat to me. I don't like that it positions Aqua's rebirth not as a second chance for him to love and be loved in a way he wasn't able to as Gorou, a gift from Tsukuyomi to two people who showed her a selfless, thoughtless kindness but as just yet more of the story using other characters and their stories to try and prop up Ruby or imbue her with more importance in a way that I think feels forced and does the characters who are used in this manner a huge disservice. I'm sure we could conclude that this is just Aqua's feelings on the matter and I really, really hope that Tsukuyomi fishes him out and gives him a slap while yelling YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LIVE FOR YOURSELF AND BE HAPPY IDIOT or something next chapter, but the extremely warm framing this is all given makes me think this is something the narrative both agrees with and approves of and as an Aqua enjoyer I just kind of hate that for him.

I also have to say that like… it doesn't not make sense for the story's finale and this aspect of the reincarnation plot to center Ruby specifically. She is one half of the titular Oshi no Kos and at least hypothetically the co-protagonist of the story. But suddenly making her the answer and central turning axis of basically the biggest ongoing mystery in the story like this feels kind of jarring when Akasaka spent a solid half of this entire manga not really doing her justice. This attempt to tug on our heartstrings via flashbacks to the twins' childhood also doesn't really do anything for me because as cute as it is, it's just disconnected flashbacks to brand new events in their childhood we never saw or heard about before. And it's weird because it's not like we don't have in-story examples of Aqua being over protective of Ruby, so why not flashback to those?

Idk. It's hard for me to articulate why this left me feeling kind of cold, but it feels like a symptom of this being part of an ending that Akasaka set in stone too early on and hasn't compromised for he way the character dynamics and story that made it onto paper have shifted and changed in ways that don't one hundred percent line up with the ending he wanted. If the twins' relationship was going to be this important to the ending and be so central to Aqua's existence as a character, I wish we'd spent more time on it. One of the major critiques of OnK that people had from like chapter 12 onwards that I still agree with is that Aqua and Ruby's relationship doesn't feel like a close knit connection between two people who grew up together for 1X+ years, and that continuing issue makes it kind of hard for me to feel the warm and fuzzy sibling feels right now. Which sucks because I LOVE the Hoshino family trio and I love Aqua and Ruby's family dynamic when we actually get to see it - their chapter of interlude and some of the scenes in their home in early OnK are some of my fave parts of the story for that exact reason. But this just kind of whiffed for me.

It also isn't lost on me that Ai is basically absent from these flashbacks despite them primarily taking part in the part of the twins' childhood they spent with her. I get that the idea was to focus specifically on Aqua and Ruby's dynamic there but it still feels kind of…

I've already written a short essay on this topic as it pertained to the initial reveal of Tsukuyomi's role in AQRB's reincarnation and the TL;DR of that post is that early in the series, Ai is centered as a character of as much significance to the reincarnation plot as Gorou/Aqua and Sarina/Ruby are, with the togetherness of the Hoshino family as a trio and Ai specifically as Aqua and Ruby's mother being emphasized as having a great deal of meaning and importance. But this chapter doubles down on essentially erasing her as a figure of weight and consequence in the twin's reincarnation in a way that is both inconsistent and just kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Like… I'm sorry, but given how much of Ai's character revolves around her being the victim of exploitation, of objectification, sexual and otherwise, of being forced to warp herself to response to the filthy desires thrust on her by the people around her, it's really just gross and a huge misstep for her to be reduced to a convenient walking uterus. It is yet another example of Ai being reduced to just a stepping stone in Ruby's narrative and part of a pattern in this regard I've come to really dislike. Framed like this, Ai's own act of bravery and love in giving not just herself but Sarina and Gorou the family all three of them were denied all their lives is now nothing more than a vessel for Sarina's wish fulfillment. As you can imagine, I kind of hate this too!!

Depending on if volume 16 follows 14 and 15's trend of being 11 chapters long instead of 10, vol16 will end on either 162 or 163 - based on how 162 ends, my guess is that this is our volume ender so I'm curious to see what form 163 will take - straightforward continuation of this scene or focus switch to other characters to maintain suspense? I guess we'll see in THREE FUCKING WEEKS……. Akasaka i swear to god……………………….

sidebar but tsukuyomi just out here floating is kind of wild. what happened to 'it's a normal child's body' ya little twerp?

[c-u-c-koo-4-40k]

Hello Everyone.

I want to clarify now, Posts like these will be rare on this blog.

This blog is primarily a place to discuss, headcanon, and do general fandom shenanigans.

As Billy Joel might say, It's a place to forget about life for a while.

But given the current goings on in the world, I Will be changing my pinned post to this link.

If you're like me, you may not have much disposable income. So it's hard to donate when causes you care about pop up.

This website uses advertisers and literal button clicks to generate donations.

My platform here is small, and primarily for fandom fun times, and it will remain as such. As previously stated, This will be a rare post of this kind on this blog.

But I wanted to give others the opportunity to help in this small way. And use my platform to spread this resource.

This website has buttons to click to help with issues like poverty, women's rights, the refugees in palestine, refugees in general and the environment.

Thank you for your time and consideration. And I hope you continue to enjoy my mad 40k ramblings.

Edit: Slight modification, I've changed Only Post of this kind to Rare as I have reblogged some other things not related to fandom and yes they were related to modern or otherwise issues.

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I've got over 50 campaigns in my dms and over 500 asks to work through.

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I Can Only Donate to a Few Campaigns every Month. And I Only donate at the End of months.

I have to make sure All my monthly expenses are taken care of.

The campaigns chosen are mostly random.

[max1461]

At this point, "Max's abrasions with the discoursosphere" is becoming a semi-formalized series. Here's another one.

There's a larger complex of thoughts I have around this that I won't really get into, but I think one of my least favorite things about the discourse is put most succinctly as: it asks you to view yourself as an agent of history, instead of as an individual.

Every "camp"—communist, reactionary, rationalist, whatever—seems animated by these sort of fantastical, world-historic dreams. It's all about the coming revolution, or the fate of the light cone, or the future of Western civilization, or whatever. Even liberals are guilty of this, and they are sometimes extra annoying about it because they think they aren't guilty of it. Their end of history was literally sketched out in a book called The End of History. Ok, I mostly said that last sentence because it's a punchy line—not every liberal (or even most, I suspect) endorses Fukuyama's particular thesis. But they do still tend to act like "the point of it all" is advancing liberal democracy and efficient distribution of resources.

Everyone seems to reduce human activity to the aim of shaping history in a particular way. The value of everything is reduced to its instrumental usefulness in Advancing The Project.

This is precisely the opposite of the way I look at the world. It's kind of an analogue of that Hannah Arendt "the only love I know is the love of particular persons" thing. The only value I know is the value of particular things. There is value in art, learning, fun, love, joy; books, video games, mathematics, beautiful vistas, sex, food, conversation. Insofar as there is value in any political or world-historical project, it is purely by way of enabling or supporting these things which are valuable on their own. Making ourselves pure instruments to history is self-defeating, because the only possible reason that history could matter is because of us and the things that we care about.

What I am complaining about here is an attitude, not a particular set of beliefs. I'll pick on the group that is closest to "my side" because that feels fair. It is true that not all communists or socialists actually believe in the fantastical, pseudo-Biblical version of the revolution that one sees from the most ideologically insular. Plenty critique this vision of revolution pretty starkly. But it's like, the tendrils of teleological thinking are already in them. So many still see themselves as instruments. Their raison d'etre is to shape the trajectory of human events. Their existence as an individual is secondary, or at the very least must be brought into alignment with this raison d'etre.

Well, I'll tell you what. I don't want my individuality to be subsumed. I don't want my self to be subsumed. As I've said before, I'm not into that kind of stuff.

But it's everywhere, it seems that it is universally characteristic of every "ideology" or "movement".

Actually, what I'm really complaining about here is more subtle, I think. Most of the discoursers I engage with, I suspect, will roughly agree with me thus far. I've heard them say similar things. Here's the problem: even in circles where this kind of self-instrumentalization is openly critiqued, I find that again and again in discussions of [inherently valuable thing], the conversation inevitably shifts to whether [inherently valuable thing] is instrumentally valuable from the perspective of the local Grand Historical Project. By the way, please set aside any philosophical gripes you might have with the idea of an "inherently valuable thing"; those sorts of details are not the point here. The point is that there will be discussion about [cool topic], and this discussion will inevitably drift towards "how does [cool topic] interface with [grand historical project]".

[Grand historical project] is less important than [cool topic]!!!! [Cool topic] is [grand historical project]'s boss!!!! Don't you see!

This is I think the basic trait of "discoursiness", and I really don't like it.

[yesimwriting]

I agree that Art and Patrick need each other.

How do you think their dynamic would change (if at all) if they were in a throuple with someone?

I want to know your Challengers opinions on EVERYTHING but I suck at coming up with things to ask

this is such a fun ask!

sorry if i'm all over the place, i just had so many thoughts :)

disclaimer: this is based on my interpretation of the plot and characters, so it's very opinion based,, and if you see them differently that's totally okay bc room for interpretation and analysis is what makes an artistic work art :)

okay so i think some of the dynamic changes would depend on the personality of the third person, if that person is similar to tashi (and they actually managed to get into an official relationship) i think everyone would be happy but still a little toxic

this isn't me fully blaming tashi for all their issues btw!! i think fully assigning blame to one individual ruins the point of the movie and oversimplifies their relationships, but i digress

i think part of the reason that the plot of the movie worked out the way it did is bc tashi helped bring out the "hubris" of both art and patrick--patrick's pride and art's ability to trap himself in his head

to me, these are the main traits capable of ruining their relationship

wanting someone like tashi drove patrick's desire to be the "best", i see him as someone with a slightly obsessive personality,, and having someone so desirable, strong willed, and talented kind of becomes an ego thing

however, wanting someone like tashi works the opposite way for someone like art,, he wants to prove himself "worthy" so bad it traps him in his head and actually makes him more insecure

so with patrick constantly working to maintain his improved ego and art struggling to keep up the way he sees himself, ofc things get a little toxic bc even though they care about each other, it's more about their headspace than actually wanting to compete with each other

also i think tashi wanted to want art more than she wanted patrick, but she just wasn't there, which brings me to the dynamic i think would work best

patrick cares about art sm, idc argue with me if u want but i will never be convinced that patrick wasn't in love with art that the entire movie would have been maybe 20 minutes long if art said he wanted to fix their friendship/relationship

this isn't to say that art doesn't love patrick, i just think that they express love in different ways

patrick is so open in his affectionateness, and that's ideal for keeping art from getting stuck in his head, and art loves in a way that emphasizes consistency, which is ideal for someone like patrick, who places sm emphasis on external factors when it comes to his self worth

bc of this i think that the ideal third person for them would be someone that prioritizes art a little more,, i'm not saying someone that would love art more, but someone that'd take care to focus on art's feelings to make sure that art feels like he exists at the center of things

that might sound like a reach, but if you think of the moments in which tashi and patrick connected most, i think it makes sense, for example:

in the dorm room scene when tashi and patrick are about to hook up, they're literally talking about and complimenting art, when tashi and patrick hook up in atlanta it's after finding out about tashi's engagement to art (which 'proves' that tashi loves art), and they hook up in the car after tashi explains why she'd want patrick to throw the match, which implies she still cares about him

also the conversation in which patrick accuses tashi of hating art is arguably one of their least connected moments, even if he's flirting a little, that moment kind of felt like patrick was probing, trying to see where tashi was at

if they were in a throuple, i think they'd be happy, especially with someone that balanced out their pride and insecurities

patrick would become even more affectionate, he's definitely the type to pull in a s/o and kiss them mid sentence and then say he just couldn't help it

art would be even more open about his feelings, he's the type to mention how much he loves his s/o so casually it actually knocks the wind out of you

[spadesolace]

drag me down: little things

synopsis: since when did hanni and yn notice each other’s habits through the little things they do? from their sudden change in mood to yn slowly opening up, hanni is left questioning everything.

warning/s: mentions of abandonment, insecurities

words: 3k

previous | next

The news of the top two students being paired together had reached almost every student as soon as Ms. Im dismissed the class. YN isn’t one to be gossiped about, most students talk about Hanni and her possible relationships but no one knew YN’s life outside of school. Only a handful of people did and it was her friends.

“Well, well, well, look who got paired with Ms. Top student.” Yunjin loved to tease YN about Hanni, she theorized that they secretly love each other but won’t admit it because their pride is higher than Mt. Everest.

“The look of despair was so evident, I almost felt bad.” Chaewon was the first people YN met as the girl had been part of the student council during their second year. From there, either YN or her were the victims of the group's bullying.

“Are you going to work on it right away?” There’s always a mediator in the group and when it's at school, that would be Kazuha. She’s considered as the quiet yet scary friend but everyone loves her, especially when YN has a soft spot for her.

“Sakura-unnie is asking if you’ll be there tomorrow.” Eunchae, the youngest and most devious child, when there is chaos, the possibility of her starting it isn’t that low. Lastly, the other mother of the group who works part-time at one of the Park’s cafes was Sakura, whom YN met on her first day trying to learn latte art.

“I’ll take my leave tomorrow, so I’ll be there today.” When YN meant only a handful of people know about her life, she literally meant only 6 people. The Parks are very private, only a limited knowledge of their lives outside of business, her parents made sure that their children’s safety and privacy was their number one priority. So secretive that the public only knew that they have two children, neither gender being specified.

YN never trusted people that easily but she was clearly playful, independent, and responsible. A lot of people trusted her, similarly even Hanni took notice of it, how in her first year in a new environment and somehow a lot of people let their walls down. She wonders how when she never heard anything about YN’s personal life, as if it were non-existent. Hanni was left in the dark as she watched her rival walk home with her group, a smile on YN’s face as Yunjin teases Chaewon and Kazuha trying to stop them.

“Stop staring, she might melt.” Minji followed Hanni’s line of sight, it was going to be a topic later in their group.

“Have you wondered what YN is like outside of school?” It threw Minji off, Hanni, THE PHAM HANNI, asking about Park YN? There was only limited information about the girl, there were rumours going around that YN came from a wealthy family, a daughter of a mafia boss, a bunch of misinformation. Although there was one thing that people have concluded was that YN really came from a rich family, a confirmation was given by Ms. Park Jihyo, the prefect of discipline conversing with YN. The sole reason why YN transferred was due to being under the supervision of her cousin who recommended it to her aunt and uncle, no one knew they were related and both of them agreed to keep it that way.

“You seriously need to talk to her about that. No one aside from her group knows anything about her life.” Haerin surprised the pair as Danielle and Hyein joined them in front of the campus gate. What was there in her rival’s life that makes her keep everything in secret.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — 

The following day, Hanni was much more observant of YN. She’s aware of YN smelling like coffee beans and a hint of vanilla, but she never noticed what she drinks when she arrives at class. The ice cold cup of americano and a paper bag with some sort of pastry but it was flat, most likely a cookie. Blueming Cafe? From what I know that’s under Park Food Corporations.

“You’ll have heart problems by the time you’re 30.” She wasn’t even sure why she said that, it wasn’t like she cared. All she did was cause the other issues with their bantering.

“Acting like you care, classic.” There was a difference in YN’s tone, or maybe Hanni is overanalyzing everything there is towards her rival.

YN took notice of Hanni’s sudden shift, like she was hyper aware of her surroundings. Setting her stuff down along with her snack and coffee to get her through the day, she got a whiff of Hanni’s perfume. A hint of lavender, a bit of praline, and musk… it wasn’t that bad, she liked it. Perfectly describes if Hanni was a perfume, aside from that Hanni was also wearing her hair up, a bit dishevelled being held by a clamp and a tired smile on her face. When did she start using a clamp?

“Wearing perfume, are you trying to seduce me, Pham?” Hanni rolled her eyes, taking back how the girl next to her smells nicely and comforting. 

“That’s such a weird assumption, Park. Not in a thousand years will I try to persuade you.” A straight shot through the heart, despite YN teasingly flirting with Hanni all these years, she felt a slight pang in her chest. There is a certain feeling that YN cannot describe with Hanni, not wanting to explore it any further. Only a few months till graduation, I can endure it.

First half of the day, there wasn’t much of a problem between the pair. Both keeping to themselves but Hanni took notice how YN would spin her pen whenever she’s not taking notes. How slim her fingers are and the amount of rings she has, perfectly accenting her cool tone paired with silver minimalist rings. Slowly, she noticed how her uniform may look neat but clearly her tie was always loose, the top of her blouse unbuttoned, and a hoodie on top of it all or the fact she never wears skirts, like the school gave her a free pass to wear pants. Hanni didn’t realize how long she’s been staring, somehow everything about YN’s style fits perfectly.

“Pham… stop staring and listen.” YN had slowly pushed Hanni’s face back to the board where their teacher had their back facing the class. From that simple action, she felt her face heat up, palms a bit sweating, and her heartbeat racing. She was saved from a close scolding by their Math teacher, maybe that’s the cause of the adrenaline and not from the embarrassment of being caught.

It wasn’t like YN wasn’t observing Hanni at all, she was just much more subtle about it. A piece of scratch paper was on the side of her notebook, keeping track of what she’s taken notice of. Hanni rarely wears accessories, but she does have various ways of styling her hair. Small braids on both sides, a messy bun, or like right now, it's kept up because of a clamp. There’s a key feature in almost all of her items, a fascination for butterflies, because who would keep an entire pack of butterfly clips along with an extra butterfly clamp in their locker? Lastly, her uniform, it's perfectly neat, like it was ironed a million times before she could wear it and not a single crease can be seen. Along with the fascination of observing her seatmate, she despises how Hanni would smack her when she’s laughing. YN never complained when Hanni does it, despite the pain and coming home to see it still a bit red.

By lunch, it was no surprise that the pair would go their separate ways but to see that YN standing in front of Hanni holding her packed lunch while she finishes cleaning her table. Either one would wait for the other to leave or maybe YN was no longer being subtle about it that Chaewon would always tease her. Still, it meant that Hanni wasn’t the last one to leave the room, both making sure that the aircons are off and the doors are closed.

“You have the spare key?” Being class president meant that YN always had the spare key at hand, if not Hanni could just go to the stuco office and get it there. Hanni has the privilege as the student council president, but YN wouldn’t admit it if she needs help from her, similarly to Hanni thanking her for waiting.

“Yeah.” YN patted her pocket but she heard nothing, no clinking of metals. She patted all of her pockets and checked her packed lunch if by chance she placed it there. Looking at the window of the classroom, she left it at their table. “Shit.”

“Ugh, seriously? This is the first time you’ve forgotten the keys.” Hanni kept note of those who borrowed the spare keys in the stuco office, and YN has not once borrowed it.

“Keeping track now, Pham? Are you gonna write on your project how I managed to forget the keys once?” Hanni rolled her eyes as the pair walked towards the stuco office, it was better to get the keys right away rather than when the bell rang. YN only followed, a bit pissed at Hanni’s comment, it was her fault she misplaced it but similar to her mistake for due from a spelling error, it only happens once.

“No, that would be too shallow, even for me. I’d write how stupid you look like you’re Kevin from Home Alone, realizing you’ve forgotten it.”  YN stopped in her tracks, a bit taken aback by the comment. It wasn’t the comment on how stupid she looked but the fact that Home Alone was mentioned. How would she tell Hanni that it was a sensitive topic to discuss that movie because she related so much to it. Being left alone during the holidays in a mansion only being accompanied by the maids and butlers that her parents assumed would take care of her.

YN kept quiet the entire time they were together, from opening the room to get the keys, giving Hanni the one that stuco has, and leaving the girl to eat lunch. Hanni took notice of her rival’s silence. Did I hit a nerve?

When Hanni finally reached her lunch table with her friends, greeting them as she sat down and ate her lunch. Looking around, she noticed YN wasn’t with her friends. No, I shouldn’t care about her, she’s my academic rival.

Danielle being the sweetheart she is, checked up on Hanni. It wasn’t rare she was late but she’s quiet which is more concerning, as if there was a ticking bomb in her mind waiting to explode at any moment. 

The last time the stuco president was this quiet was when YN lashed out at her, along the lines of her being accused of cheating which was then proven wrong by the prefect of discipline. That time, everything was a mess, Hanni profusely apologized to YN even with the amount of evidence that the girl didn’t cheat in the finals. It was the first time that Hanni was guilty for accusing the girl, but she still saw YN as a threat to her potential title of valedictorian. People making comments on how jealousy made Hanni finally break, badmouthing her and some were planning on bullying the girl. That was until YN finally spoke to her after weeks of apologizing. To say the least, it was a traumatic event for both Pham and Park.

“Hanni, are you ok?” She looked up and nodded, it wasn’t like YN would admit to her hitting a nerve. It terrified her when YN was quiet, bringing back memories from their first year together. Maybe I did hit a nerve?

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — 

Once classes were over, YN had managed to write a few things about Hanni, some are good but she lashed out during lunch but shortly after disregarding it as the girl didn’t know anything about her life. All she could do is keep the ones she’s written and gather more info when she arrives at Hanni’s place. 

Hanni was finishing with stuco duties, short meetings and planning for future events, the grad ball was a bit close and they needed a sponsor. No one was willing to ask or have any ideas who to ask, they were staring right at a wall, just nothing. YN was given permission to stay inside the room but she must not mention to anyone about the events being planned. They shouldn’t worry about her when Chaewon is the one that spills everything in the groupchat.

“Pst. YN, you know anyone that could sponsor the grad ball?” She does, she always does, her own parents could. She had already asked them, but it was Chaewon that asked her, not Hanni. If only Hanni wasn’t ignoring her, she would have told her right there and then that she does know someone.

“No, sorry.” A chorus of groans and someone smacking their head on the table can be heard. They were back to square one which made Hanni decide to end the meeting earlier than usual, at least to get them in the right headspace to continue the conversation tomorrow. Chaewon said goodbye to YN and Hanni, which was a weird sight to see, the rivals walking home together?

The walk to Hanni’s place was awkward, both were giving each other their distance but at the same time they didn’t. It was so awkward that Hanni wanted to scream while YN wanted to run away. Both wanted to be left alone but they needed to work on their project, they needed information about each other, what made YN so quiet and what made Hanni so terrified of the girl?

“So..” “Uhm…”

“Sorry, you first.” YN cleared her throat to signal Hanni it was fine for her to speak up, whatever she has to say can wait.

“Uh, about earlier at lunch…” YN hummed, quickly glancing at her. It made Hanni stop for a second, what happened to the cold exterior from earlier? Like it melted right away when they’re alone. Has YN been like this before?

“You were suddenly quiet… if I hit a nerve from my comment, I’m sorry.” Nothing surprised YN more than Hanni apologizing, sure, the home alone comment did hit a nerve but the fact that she noticed the subtle change. Has she been observing me?

“It did, but then again, you shouldn’t apologize. You didn’t know.” Hanni was about to say something else, until YN spoke up again, shocking the girl.

“Without saying much, it’s not insecurities from my looks. I have quite a high self-confidence to not worry about that aspect. On the other hand, I do apologize for lying earlier during your stuco meeting… I do know someone that could sponsor the grad ball.” That was the longest thing that YN has mentioned to anyone about herself, aside from her own group knowing her life and visiting her at home. She wasn’t giving much away, she had the self-confidence that Hanni already knew of. When it came to her connections, that was where Hanni is left in the dark, what is there to her life that she won’t share.

“Why’d you lie then?”

“I wanted you to ask me.” Turning the corner, Hanni stayed in her spot a bit. What does YN mean that she wanted me to ask her?

When the pair had arrived at the Pham household, which was empty as her parents hadn’t arrived home just yet. Hanni felt embarrassed, she swore she wouldn’t bring YN here under any circumstances but here she was, showing her around, going to her room and bringing out baby pictures. It didn’t feel as if they hated each other, no. There was a sudden feeling of comfort. She had managed to tell her about where she grew up, why she moved to Korea, what her parents’ jobs were, her favorite insect (a butterfly, YN knew that already), and how much she loves music. YN didn’t tease her much, aside from the insect and a few things about how adorable Hanni looked as a child, but somehow Hanni felt that YN slowly brought her walls down as she listened to her rant.

“And now, you know the basics. What more do you want to know?”

“The future, where do you see yourself in 10 years, Pham.”

Where did she see herself in 10 years? Well, first, she probably went back to Australia to pursue her college degree there or probably in Korea University to take Law or Psychology. Does she see YN in her future? Somehow, yes. Park YN is the driving force for her to be better, do better, and just become the better version of herself everyday. Weird. Hanni sees it happening, in college or in the workforce, YN would be there.

“Probably I’d be a lawyer, living on my own and helping people.”

“I assume I’m no longer in that part of your life.”

Hanni notices the little things, YN fidgeting with her rings, looking around, avoiding her gaze, and sitting up straight. Her body, it shows different emotions, she can’t pinpoint what it is. Maybe its the way that YN would look at her and have a short moment of eye contact that would make her breath hitch. The way YN would act upon without being asked to let Hanni wear her jacket. YN somehow without talking much let’s her body say it all. She may spit venom at Hanni, but the way she acts as if she secretly cares and thinks about her. When... when did she take notice of all the little things that YN does and why does it have to be now.

“Probably.” Uncertainty, a chance, a probability, that was what YN was hoping for. Somewhere in Pham Hanni’s life after their encounter in high school does she hope for a chance to be a part of her future. Whatever that may be. “Oh… I guess we’ll never know.” Pham Hanni was uncertain if what she feels is hatred or something blossoming.

[arkiwii]

Saria and Kristen when they were younger they were a healthy couple but sometime after Rhine Lab was established and built their relationship started to show cracks. Before all that I like to believe that Kristen wagged her tail behind close doors when Saria was around, just a slow wag. What do you think of Saria and Kristen?

oh boy, Saria and Kristen huh. rubs hands with malicious intents. I have, some THOUGHTS about them, i want to study their relationship under a microscope alright

to start with "they were a healthy couple", it's something that i can question. i mostly think about how Kristen lost her parents at the age of 10, and of her conversation with Saria about the subject in the manhwa:

Saria "always protected Kristen", and she said that since she lost her parents, "not many have been willing to defend her family's reputation". which means, Saria was pretty much the only person Kristen could rely on, and if she was able to continue and go on, it was thanks to Saria. once again, she lost her parents early, she was very likely alone all this time, and for a child, it can create a huge hole in their heart, one that Kristen probably and definitively tried to fill with Saria. she followed her, Saria was like a lighthouse for Kristen; and that's why it couldn't be healthy.

because of Saria's views, her beliefs on how emotions are a bias to scientific avancement, Kristen very likely followed these, but to an extreme. to the point of going against ethics to fullfill her ambition and continue her parent's legacy.

this is not to say Saria ever agreed with this, maybe even before Ifrit, if she knew about it, she would have stopped it. but it's to say that Kristen used this belief to feed her ambition, to see it as an open door to push the limits of what is allowed.

once rhine lab was created, once it became succesful, and Kristen was at the top of it all, she had no need to "use" Saria anymore. their relationship fell apart because Saria could not "defend" her anymore, now that Kristen was in control. she doesn't need anyone to defend her now.

so now, i'm not saying that Kristen never had any consideration for Saria. people in these situations may not even realize that what they are doing is wrong, that they may hurt someone. and i do believe that Kristen cares about Saria, and in fact, she truly does;

she doesn't want Saria to be hurt, she actually did nothing that would hurt Saria. but is it the present Saria she cares about, or the past Saria? when Saria met Ifrit and Silence, she opened her heart to emotions, she who never had a family who cared about her, she saw this child being hurt, mistreated, alone, and she wanted to protect her. the present Saria may still struggle, but she discovered what it is to feel loved, which she probably never discovered with Kristen before.

but Kristen, she wants the Saria who is ready to step on boundaries, to ignore emotions, to achieve scientific avancement. she wants the Saria who protected her, who stood by her side when she was alone and hurt.

but, she knows that this Saria doesn't exist anymore and she knows that Saria would never have agreed with her, she knows Saria would have tried to stop her. she studied Saria, her way to fight, her Arts, and she literally created a barrier in her office that cancels her Arts, she created power armors who can also neutralize Saria's calcification. that means one thing, Kristen was afraid of Saria. she knew she fucked up.

of course, Kristen would ALWAYS be ready to welcome Saria with open arms, she doesn't want Saria to go away from her, she never accepted that she left Rhine Lab. maybe Kristen is idealizing a Saria who is like her.

their relationship is MMWAH chief's kiss I LOVE psychology and character development. what i say can work even if their relationship is purely platonic, but i enjoy the little twist it gives if it was romantic, which means that Saria had experienced something toxic and it made her afraid of love above all emotions, which fullfill my evil thoughts about Saria x Silence

[thrashkink-coven]

Koschey's Skull (it is my side blog) here.

I think one of the most fascinating, yet disappointing experiences with watching Christians defend their stances is how uneducated they are on their own subject material.

But it isn't just the lack of education. It is the lack of desire to want to bridge gaps, create more open understanding, think critically, or fix that lack of education. The desire to die on a hill with a narrow view of the material they claim to be so passionate about is a very intense testimony of the indoctrination that is prevalent in very closed minded cult communities.

It is why people criticise Christianity AS a cult. They maintain a narrow, closed minded and ignorant view of their own beliefs and refuse to encompass the entire berth of their own religion. They just subscribe to whatever specific and niche belief they would desire to have. And anything outside of that narrow lens is wretched and abhorrent - by extension, requiring them to take up their historical biblical arms to battle anyone that refuses to see things THEIR way.

The desire to oppress other people and "correct" them without actually having the information that they should have is always concerning. And obviously I don't believe that they will ever come out of the narrow box that they put themselves in. I don't expect them to expand their horizons or educate themselves on the diversity and historical (and cultural) evolution and beliefs. But it is kind of sad to see and it reminds me that people don't want to evolve their understanding sometimes. They just want to argue.

Which is fine. But I wish they would understand that in order to actually have a defensible argument you do need to be educated enough on the subject material. And they simply are not.

couldn’t have said it better myself.

The thing about this that bothers me the most is that the early Isrealites, Jews, even early Christians, were real people who’s lineage still exists today. I am very concerned with upholding those people’s truth even if I don’t “agree” with it because I have immense respect for their culture and history. It’s incredibly frustrating to see people take the work (actually, I’ll go as far as to call it art, because the Bible is a work of art) of people, completely disregard their intentions and their cultural context, and then use their scripture to justify something they never would have supported. That in my opinion is cultural appropriation.

We don’t have to guess what the Bible means or what the people intended. There are so so so many Rabbis, Priests, and religious scholars who have dedicated literal centuries to understanding the intentions of the ancient people. When we take the time to actually research and read what those people said, we can understand what they believed God to have said.

In my research I actually ended up reaching out to a couple practicing jews and christians to hear their perspectives, because I am not Christian nor Jewish, and so I truly cannot understand the text as it was intended to be perceived by followers of YHWH. I love talking to people about their religion, and I was lucky enough for a couple of them to actually ask priests and rabbis in their community my questions because they too care about the intended truth. And those rabbis and priests were surprisingly open and willing to discuss this because they also care about the intended truth! They were so happy that people, especially seculars, still care enough about the truth to ask questions, and our conversations only gave me more incentive to actually learn about the history of the Bible and the culture that created it.

One person who I talked to on Reddit, who is a Christian youth group pastor said “I’m just happy you’re reading the Bible and asking questions because most people like you (pagans, heathens, luciferians and demonolaters) don’t even read the Bible and just run off with your own conclusions that it’s all bad. IMO it’s so much more meaningful to read the Bible and pay enough attention to have these questions, than to just follow it blindly because you think you should. Even if you never convert or fully agree I encourage you to keep going! We need people like you to keep us curious haha.”

People talk about the Bible as if it is not a piece of cultural art, as if it just appeared one day in isolation from the people. As if our modern values will ever be more important than the intentions of the ancient people when the text was written. And it’s a very bitter and sad way of disrespecting the people who gave you the book, religion, and doctrine you cling to so hard.

As a pagan devoted to a deity, I love my Goddess. oh my Gods I love my Goddess so much!!!!!

And I will put in the effort learn every little thing about her, the cultures who created her, and the history of her origins. The good, the bad, the ugly, the weird, and the shit that doesn’t even make sense. Because I love her, I am devoted to her eternally, and I truly wish to know her as one would know an old friend. So I truly cannot understand Christians who claim to love their God but can’t even be bothered to learn the first thing about him, his people, or how he came to be.