#it just wouldnt be as good as the job at this furniture place so i REALLY REALLY BADLY want this one

[ratgingi]

some margo content because i need to figure out how to draw her more . plus some misc facts abt her under cut

i cant remember if i mentioned it before or not but she tends to change jobs often, she hasn't been fired from any but instead she will pick up jobs and quit them a few months later after she grows bored with them. the places in town she's worked at include the arcade (she worked there before exie, and exie only worked with her for a few weeks as by the time she started the job margo was already getting ready to work elsewhere), the petstore (it was her first job in town, and well before outis was in the picture), the funfair (she worked at one of the game stalls), and the mcphonalds (where she and juniper met). shes also worked at a couple places outside city limits. a good chunk of the places she's worked at are still open to her to go back to as she is a decent employee who works hard at her jobs and learns fast. there are a few places shed never even consider though either because theyd take too long to be qualified for or just seem generally uninteresting to her.

the tattoo/piercing parlor she currently works at wouldnt be a place youd get to actually visit in her route but would probably be mentioned in passing a couple times

while growing up whenever she would act too 'girly' her father would pay their neighbors to teach her more 'manly' things, so as a result she knows how to do a handful of more technical things like minor car repairs/put together furniture/etc, and also went through some fighting classes and stuff. shes also good at things like repairing clothes and cooking because addy made sure to teach her stuff like that as well

she also has a number of random talents/general things she can do from hobbies she got into and since dropped, things like crochet, gardening, baking, etc etc. she isnt Fantastic at any of them really but shes decent at them. jack of many ace of none type deal

adelaide was actually the one who helped her pick her name bc when she was trying to figure out what she wanted to be called she asked her if she had any ideas and addy told her that she'd had the name margo picked out for her before she was born

she likes doing puzzles and stuff, the bigger or more complicated the better. she has a couple 3d puzzle figures hanging out in her house but they change often as she gets bored of seeing the same ones. theres a closet in her hallway that has nothing but the boxes past puzzles she's finished stay in

she has a big heart, but because of her issues with connection she refuses to let her more caring side show in the hopes it'll help others not to get too attached to her. she isnt rude or anything like that and if someone is clearly in need of some sort of shoulder to cry on she tends to soften up but otherwise youre most likely to get a distant n cold politeness, she believes that by doing so shes doing you a favor and would rather keep herself closed off than hurt you if her whole attachment issue acts up. however if she doesnt like you she just flat out wont interact with you no matter how much you try. you could be standing in front of her waving your hands in her face and she'll act like you dont exist to the point of actually walking into you and not acknowledging it if need be

during her route the player would be able to accompany her to do things like run errands around town, which is sorta the sign that youve Made It because youre allowed to just sorta exist with her without her insisting you go do something else/trying to keep away from you yknow. her way of showing affection is pretty much just i allow you to exist near me/i choose to exist near you and on the surface literally stops there so

the only person she considers herself to be genuinely close to is her mother, and even then from a distance you wouldnt even really be able to tell that theyre close from her end. addys a pretty vocally affectionate person and is also the only person margo allows to do things like hug/pat her (addy still does so sparingly and asks before hand for the sake of margos comfort <3)

when she got her first tattoo she sorta did so in an effort to make herself commit to something but has since forgotten that motivation for them and now just likes getting them because they look cool

she has really pretty handwriting because she went through a phase where she was really into calligraphy. for technical things like letters/important papers/what have you she writes in print but otherwise she likes doing it really fancy and would probably be one of those people who writes stupid shit in fancy letters on tiktok

she has a big thing about honesty, as shes pretty good at telling when people are lying even if she doesnt really know them. this is partially why trying to lie and come up with a fake answer when asking her out would result in her turning you down bc 1. doesnt really seem interesting and 2. she can tell youre not telling her the truth and decides she has better things to do

[atomicallysound]

19/7/23 - what a world

i went on a longass walk today. i used to go on these all the time. id walk from my shithole house all the way into town and it would take like two fuckin hours. there wouldnt even be anything nice to see since it would just be this shitty sidewalk between the road and the tracks. id just walk cuz i'd feel like walking... thats what today was. i walked from my house all the way into town. we just moved though so its not a shithole house anymore and it only took an hour now... i kind of miss how long it used to take. the new route is nicer. theres big trees and you walk past a bunch of nice houses and you get to peek into their gardens and pretend for a second what it'd be like to live in that specific house. and then you keep walking.

it still doesn't feel like i live here now. it hasn't hit me yet that i can never go home. because THIS is home now... i feel like such a fish out of water in this neighbourhood, if i'm being honest. everyone has such nice gardens and nice detached houses and they have dogs. fucking everyone has a dog. no one has cats. in my old neighbourhood everyone had cats and shitty gardens full of dandelions and weeds and cracked council pavements. people have gorgeous manicured gardens with roses and patio furniture and DECKS here. DECKS! how messed up is that? i really feel weird living here. i shouldn't complain about living in a nice house in a nice area, but i miss how familliar my old place was, i guess. i dont know anyone here anyway. maybe thats a good thing. reinvention!

i quit my shitty job last week. or week before. i can't remember. the good thing about that job is it gives you a schedule, a sense of what day it is in the week... when i left the house i thought it was tuesday. i only realised it was wednesday when i got home. anyways, at that job i walked so fucking much, walking for miles in one building for hours every day, and i actually really liked that part of the job. so now im gonna go for longass walks all the time again so i don't lose that part of me again. maybe ill start walking to the beach every day. we live pretty close to the beach now.

sidenote, do you ever just burst straight into tears when you realise how wonderful the world we live in is? dont get me wrong i know it's kind of a shithole full of shitty people. but its not all so bad. there's all my friends, and all the people i could be friends with, and theres music, and sunny days, and rainy days, and all the trees, and the beach, and the oceans, and there's a beautiful sky to look up at and wonderful sun to feel. there's kind people everywhere, usually. sometimes it feels like everyone is an asshole out to get you. but right now it feels like most people are kind.

i don't know. im in a loving mood. i think i could fall in love right now if i wanted to.

-y

[fluffyheretic]

lmao ok so i got more bitching to do. at work we see the online orders that come in thru a certain site, which is also where we print the orders, mark them as completed, etc. you gotta log into the site and everyone has their own credentials. on tuesdays i open the store, so im the first one in, so i open the laptop, so i log in. obviously. and the site just stays open the whole day and everyone uses it

well of course what you think might happen happened. i got a call from my boss while i was driving basically yelling at me “this order was marked as completed when it shouldnt have been and it says YOU did it 🤬🤬🤬”

and i just had to sit there and be like “uh yeah. bc i opened that day. so i opened the site and i logged in. thats why it says it was me.” which tbh should be obvious. she knows how the site works. i worked that day so i get why she would call me to ask abt smth that happened that day but dont come in all accusatory about it bc you think you Caught me, thanks 🙃

so now im pissed that i had to get yelled at for shit that had nothing to do with me and the funny thing is this happened while i was driving to check out the place of a potential employer (i went today to find the location, im going again tomorrow to actually go inside and check out the job) so it just REALLY hammered home how desperately i want this new job so i can leave my old one and can stop dealing with bullshit like this all the time lol

[justarandomgirly]

Loki could conjur some chains or rope or shackles to bind hands or legs of his opponents so they cant attack him or hurt him.

Loki could conjur some cage around his opponent so they are trapped.

Loki could use telekinesis to take the weapon his opponent is holding away from them.

Loki could use his magic to dissolve the weapon his opponent is holding.

Loki could use telekinesis to lift his opponent into the air so they cant move and therefor cant fight him or hurt him.

Loki could use telekinesis to hold his opponent in the same place,so they cant move and keep attacking him. (Like Wanda does at the airport in Civil war)

Loki could make thousand of his clones to confuse his opponents so they dont know who is real Loki and whom to attack.

I have just named you 7 ways Loki could have used his magic in fights in episodes 2 and 6 without hurting anybody. There are many more & this is just off the top of my head.

So do not use that stupid excuse "he doesnt use magic in a fight cos he doesnt want to hurt anyone". Magic is not only shooting energy blasts at people. Magic is not only using telekinesis to throw heavy objects at people to kill or knock them off. There are many more ways to use it without hurting anyone. So there is that.

And if you are pulling that excuse he doesnt want to hurt people, then you are basicaly disagreeing with writer's claim that Loki is a narcissist. Narcissist wouldnt give a shit if he hurt people in a fight. Just like Sylvie doesnt care.

Btw since august I havent seen 1 person giffing the moment Sylvie shoots Loki mercilessly with an energy blasts as he crushes into furniture and she watches coldly. So I made the gif myself. (Huh. Interesting gifmakers who are fans of her avoid this moment. Because it shows her cruelness?🤔)

Because this is what pro series stans whole argument stands on. That he doesnt want to cause hurm. But Sylvie clearly doesnt have that problem. Yet she is still good girl and he is the narcissistic villain.

Btw. This excuse was solely created by pro series stans. Writers never said this. This excuse is in no way a canon. Writers actually never addressed Loki's lack of magic in series. It looks to me like they do think he showed enough magic. That they did a good job showing it.

And last thing dear pro series fans who say "he doesnt use magic in a fight cos he doesnt want to hurt anyone". By saying this, you are literally admitting he doesnt show magic, that there isnt enough of if. And I thank you for it. You, without realizing,are conforming and admitting it. Thank you.

[euphorieds]

oh finally ur here bitch u got a dollar ?? so i can go buy some LOVE AND AFFECTION ,, open ur purse i kno u hav it !!! anywaysjkhskehjks tiktoks literally making up my entire identity aside ,, hi ! i’m mira , im 19 nd its so nice 2 meet yall !!!

♡. jung haein. cismale. he/him. — there goes ARTHUR KANG, who appears to be a TWENTY-NINE year old VAMPIRE. word is the ELEMENTARY TEACHER was born in 1991 and has been in town for A YEAR. you might know them as + SINCERE  and - RETICENT. stray paint on his cheek, smiles dipped in sunlight & gold, late nights through winding streets, polaroids of anything & everything covering walls. 

life b4 the vampire stuffz

so arthur was born to a Human single mom nd had a little sister younger by 9 years who he adored Very Much , and they lived in a small apartment above his mom’s restaurant . they weren’t like ... Totally Rich ? nd they had their struggles,, but arthur was always v content nd happie w his life bc he had his mom nd sister nd thats what rly mattered !!

he was popular in school bc of his ~good looks~ nd also bc he was just a rly friendly nd dependable person !! nd he had his Fair share of confessions from both guys nd girls but he was always like “no sorry!! im not v interested in dating” nd then he’d go home to his mom nd his little sister nd when he was done w all his schoolwork, he’d help out at the restaurant

his mama always complained abt the Swarms of fans that hogged tables at the restaurant nd it was in good nature !!! but arthur had to go convince his fans 2 buy smth so his mom wouldnt throw a towel at him

arthur graduated high school nd decided to get into teaching bc he just loved being able to see the way his sister’s eyes lit up when she understood what he was teaching !! he thought it was v sweet nd endearing :( <3 so when he wasn’t studying, he was working at his mom’s restaurant even tho she always told him to go away nd live his life JHHDJK

so . in college . while he was drinking w a few friends . he also realized he was Very Much Bisexual when he was looking at his guy friend nd was like oh thats rly nice nd then told his mom nd she jus patted his cheek nd said good job . 

anyways JHGHDK he graduated college , got that slappin degree nd got into teaching at a local but private elementary school !! so he was getting that coin !!! and this is the part where his life got turned upside down !!!

arthur met june when he was 28 . they had come 2 the restaurant and eventually, the pair struck up a friendship (mostly bc arthur was Intrigued that a vampire would eat normal food like he knew they could but he was like ... why tho ) . and june jus kept coming to the restaurant everyday . they became close, hung out after hours all the time, nd arthur was rly thinking like ... did he have feelings or is this jus a good friendship ?

anyways those feelings backfired bc the whole time arthur had known june,,, they’d been slowly exchanging their blood w his in hopes of turning arthur . why ? we dont know (it was for fun nd bc they Could)

so arthur . he turned bc eventually the magic took hold , nd june disappeared . in response , arthur locked himself up in his room nd tried to jus . undo what june did . bc he didnt want to live forever, but he didnt want to die either bc he still has friends around, and his family .

after the vampire stuffz ...

arthur was So Scared of hurting the ppl he loved , nd he tried to last as long as possible w/o feeding on animals or ppl nd isolating himself, but it just . didnt work . so arthur took himself out of his confinement, packed all his things nd left home for coeur cove . he never told his mom or his little sister , nd he feels Immense Regret for not saying anything .

a year in coeur cove meant that he took up a job teaching at the local elementary school, nd it was one of the few things that rly made him smile !! he also bought a polaroid camera , nd has a habit of just taking photos of everything that makes him happy bc hes licherlaly just terrified of living for a long time nd not being able 2 remember the small things

honestly he still hates the fact he’s a vampire but he jus doesnt think abt it .... arthur: we are Compartmentalizing laidease ... we do not See .

now hes just ?? hes jus vibing . hes still as sweet as he was back then but hes definitely a lot more ?? secretive abt a lot of things . he doesnt talk abt who he was b4 Turning :( bc hes scared to .. hes jus baby .. 

wanted connections

a frIEND .... listen these are limitless i want him to have FRIENDS but its just gonna be like ... no one knows Anything abt him before coeur cove nd he keeps it that way . but hes someone who will listen 2 ur problems and also get into the weirdest positions to take a good fuckin photo of u !!! (unLIMITED spots ....)

give him an Almost Romantic Relationship ... but they fell out bc he just never opened up JHSSJKSHJKS listen the DRAMA of that .. very sexy . (1/1 w/ katherine carter)

close friend .... this is the One Person . Or Two People . in all of coeur cove who know abt his past ... like . these are the ppl he’d consider a True Ride or Die . there’s som MAJOR trust for these ppl bc he liCHERALLY jus says nothing abt who he was (0/2)

neighbor(s) who put(s) up with arthur and the occasional loud noises that come from his apartment but no he aint smashing hes just very clumsy and has too much knockable furniture in his place 

give me like .... ppl who he Parents unintentionally . hes been taking care of his little sister his whole life,, hes an elementary school teacher .... ppl who hes gonna say “say bye bye bus” out loud to and then be Mortified for the rest of his life . but if ur ever sick he shows up w soup nd is like ‘hoW could u get sick do u not eat ur vitamins ??’

also u know what would be absolutely sexy . give me june . i actually should put a wanted connection for this but can u imagine the absolute DRAMA of arthur meeting the person who ruined his life . i think that’d b VERY sexy . anyways . im keeping this in mind 4 later jHSJHSHSKSJ

going off from the top one give me like . an enemy .... or like they jus cant fucking stand each other for some reason nd its like .. arthur when he sees them: oh :) . hello :). would u like 2 be dropkicked :) ?

anyways gOD ok my brain tiny but like.... lms if u wanna plot... u better lms or i’ll aggressively renegade on dash...

[cordytriestowrite]

Keeping Up Appearances

Bucky x Reader

Fake Dating AU

Chapter 3 - All Other Parts

Summary: When an old friend comes back into your life you struggle to maintain the lies you've told. Bucky Barnes has no idea what he's gotten into by agreeing to be your fake boyfriend, but you have no idea what to do about the very real feelings you have for him.

Back again in the relative safety of Bucky's car you let out the breath you had been holding since leaving La Bernardin with Bucky, hand in sweaty hand.

"Holy fuck." You cried burying your face in your hands. You voice echoed through the parking garage, its range extended by the open driver's side door. Bucky had yet to enter the car, a worn leather jacket he had pulled from the back seat sitting in his place. The blue button up came sailing into the car, settling in a wrinkly ball on the center console. The arm of the shirt landed on your leg and you reached out to touch the fabric unthinkingly. The leather jacket disappeared and the seat was filled by a now jacketed Bucky.

"Hey, look at me." Bucky called in a gentle, calming voice. You turned your head without bothering to hide your distress. He pulled a half smile that stole your heartbeat for a few skips.

"Its all over. You survived." He whispered in the same calm and gentle voice. You scoffed and turned your head to face the windshield and the blank, concrete wall just beyond the car.

"I don't know." You said lowly. You knew it wasn't over, because when Pepper was standing with you, smiling and laughing and sharing her joy, you felt like you used to. You didn't want that feeling to end but there is no way in hell you'd survive this.

But how you used to feel...well that feeling existed because you could afford it. Now, you were making dumb, costly decisions with long term effects, and dragging Bucky along from the ride.

Bucky tried to meet your eye, but you were steadfast in your staring contest with the wall ahead. You couldn't look at him, couldn't admit you fucked up. Your eyes flicked to his hand as it reached toward you but stopped just short of your thigh to encircle the gear shift and put the car in reverse.

"I don't know about you but I am hungry for some real food." He said in a purposely lighter and louder voice. You nodded absently.

"Look, no offense, but oysters taste like snot."

You weren't offended, you thought they tasted like snot too.

-

A large pizza, fresh and hot, sat upon your lap. It smelled divine and you couldn't wait to get home, get out of your dress and into some sweats, and head over to Bucky's and Sam's and eat this giant, greasy pizza. You wanted to hear about Sam's date. You hoped your friend had a better time than you did. As if Sam knew you were thinking of him, his name appeared on Bucky's phone, which lay atop the pizza box in your lap.

"You got a text from Sam." You told him and he distractedly picked it up. He read the message at a stop sign, only taking a couple seconds to take in the contents and let his face fall into a slight frown.

"That bastard kicked me out of my own place!" Bucky exclaimed, dropping the phone back onto the box. You smirked at the dark screen. Sam's date must be going really well.

"Looks like you're sleeping in the hall tonight." You teased.

"Nah, I'll just stay at my girlfriend's for the night." He countered. It sent a jolt of panic through your chest, thinking he had a girlfriend you didn't know about, but just as quickly as your body tingled with nerves had they settled into bashfulness at the realization that he meant you. You were the girlfriend he was talking about. He intended to stay the night with you.

"Yeah, yeah of course you can." You managed to stutter out. He turned into the garage under your apartment building and suddenly let out a laugh, like he just remembered a joke.

"I'm gonna finally see what you were hanging up on your wall. It is the reason we are together after all. Better be a Monet or some shit." He winked, a brief and blurry vision in the darkness of the underground car park.

Bucky had never been in your apartment, you always going to Sam and his instead, so when he walked in behind you carrying the pizza you were nervous. You had manage to salvage a few pieces of decor and furniture from when you lived in Manhattan; a nice large L shaped couch, your bed frame, and an ornate, gold-framed full length mirror. All the other items in your apartment where either provided by the building manager or purchased from consignment shops. It was an eclectic mix of quality and convenience.

Whatever comment you thought Bucky would make was not spoken out loud. He simply parked himself on the couch like he owned the place and opened the pizza box. Without waiting for you to grab plates he dug into a hot and greasy slice of pepperoni pizza. He moaned loudly as the taste flooded his mouth. The sound sent a shiver down your spine and you busied yourself with gathering plates and napkins until your face felt less heated.

"This pizza is way better than any other food we had tonight." He said as you settled in on the other side of the couch. You nodded in agreement.

"Cheaper too." You added offhandedly. You wouldnt have said it if you had known it was bring you into a discussion you didnt want to be having with the fake boyfriend you had a very real crush on.

"So how did you get yourself into this mess? To me it seems like you used to be loaded like them and now you're not but you dont want her to know?" Bucky's finger moved between invisible points in the air between you as if he was connecting the dots to a larger picture.

"That's basically it yeah." You admitted. You had no intention of telling him more than you had to. You ate your pizza slowly, it was good but the taste in your mouth was dampened by anxiety.

"But how does she not know?" He asked incredulously.

"She's been traveling all over the world since college. We've only communicated through letters and they were very infrequent. Only one or two a month."

"Does she not have Facebook? Instagram?"

"She does," you leaned back against the couch, chewing thoughtfully as you reminisced on the days leading up to her departure. "She said she wanted to be pen pals while she was gone. She thought it would be more exciting to anticipate a letter than an email. Pepper is the kind of friend who will create something special just for you and make you feel like you mean something. She wanted to write letters, they meant something to her. And to me." You realized with a slight bitterness that now that Pepper was back that special connection would be gone.

"If your friendship is so special why hide things from her? Why lie? I dont get it." Bucky's voice broke into your head and along with bitterness you felt a pinch of guilt.

"I'm in too deep now. I've been lying for months. About my living situation, my job, my family-"

"Your boyfriend." Bucky interjected, his tone accusatory though his expression was nothing but playful. You nodded and leaned forward to drop your pizza crust onto a chipped blue plate before sinking back into the couch.

Bucky put down his slice as well and closed the distance between you. You tensed as he invaded your space, his shoulder pressed against yours heavily as he leaned into you.

"Ya know, she's probably going to be using social media more. Might not hurt to take some pictures together. Just to really sell it?" He asked it like he wasnt sure you would see his reasoning and you were doubtful, suspicious even.

"You're willing to do that for me? What about other people? What if you actually like someone and they think you're with me?"

He shrugged and pulled out his phone pressing his thumb to the camera icon. You took in the image of your two faces. You were close but not boyfriend girlfriend close. You angled your head closer and tried to smile naturally but it was obviously strained.

"No, no come on my ma's gonna see this you gotta look like you dont hate me." He laughed, staring into the phone instead of your face. You shoved him and pulled your head away to look at him.

"I don't hate you." You said in your defense, "I just dont think we look-"

"Like a couple?" He finished. He was really good at finished your thoughts.

"Here." He said and shifted into the middle of the sofa. Once he was settled he all but dragged you onto his lap. You felt like a ragdoll in the way you let him maneuver you, but when he pulled up his phone again you could not be upset at his manhandling. You two looked cute. You looked like a couple. You smiled, a small, shy smile and Bucky hit the big white button to capture your image.

"Better. Right babe?"

You smiled wider and another photo was taken. His free hand dug into your side and you laughed and the button was pressed again. His lips pressed against yours, only a peck, enough to produce one more photo. You sat frozen on Bucky's lap as he brought the phone close to his face and scrutinized the images. His hand rested warmly on your hip and occasionally his thumb rubbed back and forth.

"I like this one." He finally declared, showing you the screen. It was the one where he tickled you unexpectedly. Your head was thrown back, eyes closed and mouth open in laughter. Bucky was looking up at you, the corners of he eyes crinkled in delight as he smiled widely, and there was a crinkle in his nose. You bit your lip to suppress a smile.

"I like it to." You whispered, moving your finger over the screen to glance at the other photos. You wanted to see all of them but you mostly wanted to see the kiss, to make sure you didnt imagine his lips on yours. The proof was there, clear as day, but you didn't linger too long on the photo. You were afraid of what Bucky would think, if he would regret kissing you because you were being weird about it.

"I'll send these to you. We need to post a few online."

-

It was hours later as you lie in bed that you had a chance to really take in all the pictures Bucky had sent. You drank in each image, zooming in and out on your face, then Bucky's. Bucky was right, the laughing photo was definitely the best. It seemed natural and fun. But your favorite was the one where he kissed you, because he had kissed you! Your mouths were off center and the muscles in your neck were too tense. His eyes were scrunched tight too. It was a really terrible picture.

You locked your phone and plunged yourself into darkness as a creaking sound emerged in the silence. Bucky was spending the night on your couch, his attempt to persuade you to let him join you in your bed had failed almost immediately as nerves overcame you. You thought if he had been there in bed, all warm and hard against you on your queen sized mattress, that you would not be able to sleep a wink. Your instincts were right; you weren't able to sleep now with the man crashing in your living room, how could you have handled him in your bed?

The bedroom door opened slowly, bathing your dark space in light. You squinted against the sudden brightness, attempting to make out Bucky's expression but he was silhouetted in shadow.

"Its late enough. I think I can sneak into my own apartment."

You nodded and sat up, but Bucky was already beyond your doorway. You turned the corner into your living room just in time to glance his backside as he closed you front door gently behind him. He didnt turn back, didnt even say goodbye. You locked the door with a dejected sigh, suddenly feeling like your apartment was dark and cold without Bucky's bright, warm presence. You shuffled your way back to your bed. It took a minute to get settled but once you were snuggled in the blankets you pulled up your phone again, swiping through the images of you and Bucky. Somehow these moments already felt so long ago.

Knock knock knock

A gentle rasp of knuckles on drywall near your head stole your attention. You smiled and bit your lip, bringing your clenched fist to the spot where you heard the knocks.

Knock knock knock

He knocked back twice more. Your face was split wide in a grin as you posted a couple photos of you and Bucky to Facebook. You decided to keep the picture of your first kiss with Bucky to yourself for now.

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[moeruhoshi]

Valentine’s Day ❤️

Lucy was nervous for this Valentine’s Day, mostly because her boyfriend never understood the holiday. She only expected him to give her a box of chocolates their first year together, the idiot instead showing up with a ring worth twice the guild’s income.

“But don’t you like pretty things, Luce? I thought the pink suits you,” His puppy dog frown breaking the strength she tried to hold when denying the gift.

“It’s just...it’s so expensive, Natsu...I really don’t need something this amazing...I don’t want you spending so much on me.” She sighed, gazing at the thick, heart-shaped rock on her right hand, much too nervous to allow it on the left.

“It’s okay once in a while, right? I saved up so I could spoil you, please tell me you love it,” Her cheeks flushed brightly at his words; well, she had always wanted to be spoiled...

“Of course I do! But I mean it, I really don’t want you spending so much on one gift again.”

“Aye, sir!”

The next year was much sweeter, at least the idea of it had began sweetly. She arrived at his house, dressed up and made up for their dinner Natsu had said he was going to prepare her a meal Mira had taught him to make. But before she could even knock, the pink haired dragon slayer was busting down his own door and tackling her to the ground.

“It’s gonna blow!” He shouted, Lucy cringing as she heard the pot or oven go haywire followed by its explosion.

Natsu put out the fire and turned back to the dirt-covered girl with a sheepish grin, the celestial mage grabbing and tugging him back to her apartment. The ending was well enough, she made them a spaghetti dinner and they cuddled while watching her favorite movies, she couldn’t have asked for much more.

The year after that, Lucy was pleasantly surprised to recieve a small box as her gift, Natsu’s feet anxiously shuffling as she opened it. Inside were three little chocolates, in what shape must have attempted to mimic a heart.

“I-I know it’s not a lot! But they’re the only ones that came out good enough to eat,” Her heart soared at his embarrassed face, watching as he tried to hide away in his scarf. “Happy Valentines Day...”

“You’re so sweet, Natsu,” She held the box lovingly to her chest, biting her bottom lip as she stared coyly into his eyes.

“Woah, woah, if I knew chocolates were gonna give you that kind of face, I would’ve made them years ago!”

The fourth year was amazing, was it clear at this point Lucy did not hold very high standards for her Valentines gifts? But she always loved to see what crazy thing he had cooked up next.

Lucy was worried this year Natsu wouldn’t make it on time, since he had taken a job at the beginning of the week with Gray and either had yet to be seen walking through the guild doors. Both she and Juvia finally sent themselves home when the sun had gone down and neither had returned, a lonely valentines night set before them.

It was quite surprising to see so many candles lit and standing on every free corner of her furniture, roses by the ton filling her apartment and bordering a path leading to her room. Her charmed heart was quickly snatched as she blanched at the sight on her bed, Natsu holding a rose between his lips and a box of chocolate held in front of his bare self.

“Who in the world taught you how to do something like this?” She placed a hand on her hip and raised an eyebrow as Natsu grinned delightfully.

“Hibiki! We ran into him on our way back, he said girls really like this kind of thing,”

“Well, I do love the flowers.” She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. “But please, put your clothes back on.”

But this fifth and present year, Lucy felt antsy. She wanted to get back to their home, to see whatever Natsu had prepared. She knew it wasn’t a coincidence when Cana suddenly dragged her out for a girls day in town. The brunette never liked going to the spa or shopping on a day she knew bars were charging cheap for single girls. She went ahead and bought a lingerie set that the clerk insisted matched her skin tone very well, ignoring the looks Cana gave her when they left.

“I’m not going to be surprised when you’re watermelon plump in nine months,” She snickered as the blonde whipped her a glare. It wasn’t soon after that the card mage was sending her back to her house in the woods, having moved in with Natsu some time last Christmas. That day was one to remember, when they had finally finished emptying her apartment only for Natsu to have such a hard time leaving the smell she had attached to the walls. But his compromise was the promise of Lucy’s bed she was happy to share with him in their own home.

“Natsu, I’m home!” She called as she walked in, heart thumping wildly for this anticipated gift. There weren’t any smells of cooking, which he had been not long ago banned from. No giant bushel of roses or peonies, not a giant stuffed bear or box of chocolate in sight.

“Go wait in the bedroom!” The slayer called from his hiding place, Lucy rolling her eyes as she walked into said room. He better not have gotten more advice from those shitty Blue Pegasus boys.

She calmly set aside her newly bought items before taking a seat at the edge of her bed, awaiting the presence of her dragon boyfriend. The door slowly creaked open and thankfully the pink haired boy was still dressed, in his causal pants and vest, scarf rightfully in its place. She grinned as he hid his hands behind his back, praying to the first master in hopes whatever he hid wouldn’t be something that could potentially harm her health.

“Close your eyes,” He whispered as he stood in front of her, Lucy following his orders and shut them tight. She could feel his hands come around and clasp something together, a weightless jewel falling upon her chest. Opening her eyes, she gasped at the sight of a perfectly shaped pink heart, diamond or quartz, she wasn’t sure. The chain around was gold, real gold, she’d know it in an instant compared to its cheaper copy.

“Oh, Natsu...” It matched the ring she only wore when they were off jobs, afraid to lose it in battle. “It’s too much...”

“Not this time! You told me not to spend too much again, so I made this myself. Metal-head helped a little but I did most of the work,” He puffed his chest proudly as she stared at him with wide eyes.

“Where in the world did you get materials?! This should have cost a fortune!”

“Never underestimate a dragon’s nose, Lucy! You can find that stuff easy with a little digging. And it’s easy to mold with a little heat and pressure. I got Yukino to borrow Libra while they were passing through town.”

“You’re amazing!” Her laugh was breathless as she quickly jumped up to give him a hug. Natsu chuckled as he held her back, burying his nose against the crook of her neck. “Thank you so much,”

“My pleasure, Luce. Can’t have my girl walkin’ around like she ain’t my princess, hm?” She rolled her eyes and graciously kissed his cheek, Natsu reciprocating until their lips came together.

“Wait one second, okay? I bought something really cute for tonight.” Lucy giggled as she pulled away, pink haired boy whining as he fell to the bed, waiting for her return from the bathroom.

[darthputa]

life update

We secured our first place 👌🏾 It was super easy and went by quite fast, we only had to look at the one(our fave) from our list. The property manager is super nice, he is even making an exception to their 2 pet limit and letting me bring my two dogs as well as @sailormoonmoon and I’s 2 cats! Our move in date is April 1st!

I will be able to go to UNT after all! After my uncle ruined my life by deciding last minute not to pay my tuition, I was in a HUGE depression. Like it was reallt bad lmao, and its kinda why Im not on social media as much.

But I decided I would succeed and do this on my OWN out of spite so I can throw it in his face when I graduate (hopefully on the deans list every year!!)

It is going to take longer than I anticipated to graduate because when I was in community college I was still a JW, so my life plans were to get married, pionneer(door to door minstry but full time) and have babies, so I didnt care about school and I had no plans to ever transfer. I never met with an advisor, I just kinda did it all on my own, starting with gameart, then graphic design, then animation and finally picking painting. But since I never met with an advisor( not that it would have helped maybe since I wasnt going to transfer anywhere at the time) I didnt take the right prerequisites( drawing 2, design 1 and 2 and art history classes, i just did art appreciation). I had managed to be able to graduate based on following a degree plan online but, now that I am transferring Im in a weird spot where I cant apply for concetration and take most classes bc Im missing those prereqs. We were able to come up with one work around, my community college doesnt make you take design 1 and then design 2 in order, you can take both at the same time, and since they didnt offer design 1 last summer but design 2, my advisor said I could take Design 2 at collin during the summer and then design 1 at UNT for fall xD. She was so nice and helpful, and she even responded to my emails at 10, 11 pm lol

My major currently is a BFA for Stuido Art w a concentration in Drawing and Painting, w potentially a art history minor PERO they also have this visual arts education degree that would certify me to

teach k-12 in texas. Im just unsure of one, extending my graduation date( cause even w/o that Im gonna be 26 when i graduate... T_T), if I want to be in the State of Tx for a while...if i even want to teach those grade( kids are mean to fatties), and if I can afford living when I cant work( since id have to do a full 15-18 hours to fast track and for the last semster its student teaching fulltime so I wouldnt be able to work and you dont get paid. I know there are grants but Im just a little hesitant. But it would put me on the path of having a stable job as soon as I graduate, and Id be graduating with 3 degrees...The alternative is to just go to graduate school for painting so I can get a masters and be able to teach college, and you dont have to get certified and you can teach anywhere, so I could go back to florida or whatever state I wanted i guess. But ye Ill have to kepe thinking about it! I have a few months to decide!

Ive started seeing a dr, a psychatrist and a therapist. I havent been able to do much with them since they were booked so far out, and now Im moving soon. But it was still nice to get it started. Ill have to find a new dr, a new gyno, a new psychatrist and a new therapist in Denton. Also gotta find a new vet for all the critters.

My moms paying for all the move in costs, we just gotta pay for furniture. If any of you want to contribute, my paypal is still paypal.me/darthputa

:3c, we would appreciate it!

My uncle hasnt spoken to me since that all went down and its so frustrating bc everyones telling me to get over it, to reach out to him, that he feels bad and wants to help and its like, no one cares about my feelings, and he can tell me that shit himself you know? Like fuck off lmao. So I have no intention of ever speaking to him again. He wants to initiate, cool, apologize and pay of the student loans im having to take bc of you bailing on your promise and we will be cool. If not well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hopefully my sister will be able to take care of you when ya old cause I aint.

Oh yea speaking of, I did Fasfa for the first time ever and im getting a good chunk of money to go to school. If I get these 2 other scholarships, Ill be able to pay my living expenses and bills as well and wont have to work(ideal!!) But ye, not even my mom is gonna be paying for my schooling, all on me and it feels good tbh. Tho she did offer to help me pay my student loans and I aint gonna say no lmaoooo

So yea thats where life is at the moment! Hopefully ill be able to be more active soon 👌🏾

[roccoroks]

VOLUME 6 DAG FILES GATHER ROUND FUCKERS.....ITS THAT TIME AGIAN! ITS STORY TIME WITH ROCCO!!!! its been a long fucking week, elevator took a shit, roof blew off and the Indians are back from cherrokee and all of this in one 18 hour period, not to mention i have a desk clerk that thinks he is supreme overlord over the internet systems and security systems and he is not. thats my job. i am to supreme pizza as he is to cheese pizza but he has yet to figure this out. anywho (count down to when someone photoshops dicks into that gif) to day started out harmless enough, bird chirping and shit, sun was out, it was like 80 degrees but that was the highlight of my day. see i was being called in because we could no longer remote view our security systems because Lord WiFi fucked up the routers again. 10:30 am i arrive at the motel..... IN MAH NEW TRUCK MIGHT I ADD! *phone rings* me: hello (bleeeeep) how my i help.... dag: YES I WOULD LIKE TO BOOK ONE OF THOSE ROOOMS, THEY GOT DAT JACUZZZZZZZZI IN EM me: (MOTHER OF FUCK COULD YOU TALK ANY LOUDER!!) YES MAM, WE HAVE THOSE (MEETING HER VOLUME EQUALLY AS LOUD) dag: HOW MUCH IT BE FO 1 NIGHT? me: just one second.....( rack rate of 59.95, 10 dollar fee for destroying my hearing in everyway possible and the 5.00 i hate you fee) mam? dag: WHAT? me: huh? oh it will be 89.95 (i rounded up) dag: last time we stayed there... me: (oh for fuck sake, here we go) dag: it was 29.45 and tax me: was not, it has never been that rate.....ever dag: it was to me: was not, i know for a fact it wasnt, our minimum rate is 49.95 not 29 (oh shit im being a asshole and jill said i wasnt allow to be a dick anymore) you may have us mistaken with another motel mam dag: i dont like your tone me: (i dont like you) im sorry mam but the truth is that our rate is 89.95, now if you stay 3 nights i can give you 10.00 off dag: (yells to here husband) HEY! RICKYBOBBYJIMBOB BASS HE SAYS HE WILL GIVE IT TO US FOR 10.00 OFF IF WE BOOK 3 NIGHTS OR MORE dags husband: SHEEEEEIT THATS ALMOST 40.00 OFF *heard in the background* me: O.o (you no math what good) dag: OH YEAH WE TAKE THAT, THATS A GOOD DEAL 10 OFF A NIGHT! me:  (i seem to have made the screaming mongoose happy) ok i just need some info from you and we can get your reservation in place, when are you coming? ( i swear if you say as we speak and start moaning that the last person did, i will commit suicide) dag: uuhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... me: ( WAS THAT A FUCKING MOAN) mama? dag: HOLD ON, IMA THINGKIN (say it just as i spelled it) me: ........ *begins making the universal jack off sign* dag: oh! WE IS COMING TODDAY ME:  (REALLY.....HOW CAN YOU BE THIS STUPID AND NOT KNOW WHEN YOU ARE EVEN COMING IN.....WHEN ITS TODAY!!!) *A SHORT SERIES OF QUESTIONS LATER* me: ok i need your zip code please dag: ******* (its cherrokees zip code) me: (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.... you people always cause problems) ok mam i have your reservation right here and i will see you soon! *dag hangs up with out further conflict* -12:4.....something pm IDK- -there is a nasty storm moving is and the wind is cutting about 60 mph in straight lines and shit getting crazy up in hurr- *struggling with printer, trying to refill the paper tray* me: *grabs multiple sheets of paper* yes, take my load of white paper *wont fit, grabbed to much paper* me: how about now *still no beuno* *removes more paper* me: now? *begins shoving paper into tray at maximum force* *still to much!* me: I WILL DESTROY YOU HP LASERJET P1101W! *phone rings* me: *throws paper in fit of rage, paper now covers 95% of the desk* .... O.e FML!! hello how may i help you? Jill: rocco? me:.....what jill: the cameras still dont work, i cant see shit on my phone me:......no shit? that might be because i have yet to get to that problem.... jill: dont be a ass just fix it me: why does this need to be delt with right this moment, im in the fight of my life with this stupid printer.... jill: i need to be able to watch everyone work... me: ......pervert.. jill: blow it out you ass me: you would like that wouldnt you...*heres her hang up the phone*...PERVERT! *TURNS AROUND TO SEE A LARGE LADY STANDING IN MY LOBBY* ME: hello what can i do for you? Dag: yeah hunneh wez gotza reservation widjall (good luck reading that shit) me: oh ok, whats the first name .....*notices she has what looks like a cross tattoo on her right shoulder*....thats a interesting tattoo you got there dag: oh this old ting? hunneh thats from a long time ago... me: oh is it tribal? (she indian so must bee) dag: sweety child no thats a pork chop... me:..........(BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH WTAF!) *snicker* uh...how come *pfssssss* i mean to stay *choking back tears* what pork chop dags husband: *from the couch in the lobby* BECAUSE SHES A FAT ASS! me: e.o.....(ho god ho god ho god! i cant do it! i just cant do it) falls in the floor laughing my ass off dag: mothafuck i told you not to speak! bitch you want to eat tonight dont you! me: (oh shit!) snaps to attention dags husband: pfssss wtf ever you know who wears the britches in this relationship! me: (shut up dude, this bitch has the size and capacity of a small bread truck, you may never be heard from again) here are your keys enjoy your stay (please dont eat me) *dag leaves, phone rings* me: hello how may i help you? jill: rocco me: now what jill: moms dog is sick me: i dont care jill: oh and bobby is sick, you have to cover third shift tonight, we have 3 late reservations coming in and you need to take care of it *loud noise heard in parking lot* me: OH SHIT NIGGA! THE ROOF JUST BLEW THE FUCK OFF AND LANDED ON A CAR! JILL: WHAT?! *hangs up phone and runs outside* me: *see that part of the roof has blown off and landed on one of the maids cars* OH THANK GOD, its just marys car thats distroyed. mary: OH YEAH BECAUSE THATS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER! me: meh.....*goes back inside while mary rages out* -12 am now...things are quiet.... to quiet... me: *le derpin on the omputer* *loud thud heard from outside* me: maybe its just thunder and it will go away. *more more disturbing louder noises heard from out side* me: please be thunder! please? please?? *yet another loud noise followed by muffled cussing and a loud clang!* me:.....my suspicions are now aroused..... *phone rings* me: front desk customer: yes we are in 304 and there are some people fighting on the balcony. me: yes sir i will get right on that! - it was that this time all hell broke loose- me: *looks out in the parking lot to see not one not two but all, yes all of my patio furniture from third floor laying in the parking lot and just then i see a tv fall to the ground* HOLY FUCK! *runs out the door* *screaming that i could hear running up the steps to 3rd floor* "your a piece of shit! i cant brelieve you would smoke my last cigarette you boofalo fuckin squirrel shit eating ass clown" me: holy shit! porkchop is fucking pissed! *arrives out of breath to 3rd floor* HEY HEY HEY! YOU TWO NEED TO KNOCK IT THE FUCK.... *pork chop throws a ash tray at me, just as it passes me i hear it break the sound barrier* me: SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! *DUCKS* WTF! LOOK YOU BEST STOP OR IM GOING TO CALL THE COPS! *porkchop is now ignoring me and is attempting to throw her husband off the 3rd floor railing, yes they are hammered drunk* dag: "ima kill you, you sorry fucker! how dare you smoke my last cig!" me: *calls the cops" 911: 911 whats your emergency? me: yes my name is -------- and im at the --------- and there are two indians beating the shit out of each other on my patio 911: sir? me: SEND THE COPS! THE FAT ONE IS TRYING TO EAT THE LITTLE ONE! 911: ok sir units are dispatched and on the way me: *hags up phone and hides in ice room* -about 29 seconds later, two squads show up- me: oh thank god! -by this point the husband was locked in the bathroom narrowly avoiding being eaten, and porkchop was dragging out all the furniture on to the patio saying all the while " your ass can live outside just like that chicken of yours!" me: wtf does that even mean! - cops arrive on the balcony to find me hiding in the ice room and porkchop the great white grizzly bear destroying the room- cops- mam, your under arrest for destruction of property and DIP (drunk in pubic) dag: *grabs a remote off the table and squares up to fight.....i shit you not...* cops: *circling the enraged wildebeest, one goes in for the kill and nails a lucky blow to the back of her knee and she drops like a 900 pound bag of booze, shit and regret* your going to jail! me: oh snap! 20 mins later after filling out a report cops: ok have a nice night. me: wa....wait, whos going to help me clean..... cops: no me... *leaves* so there i sat, parking lot covered in furniture, 3rd floor could legally be turned into fema for government aid and 302 completely destroyed. me: *looks around......locks the doors and goes home*

[whatebur]

I am not crazy, nor did I overreact

I don’t even know where to begin except these last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions ranging from sad to livid. I have lost more than 10 pounds in the last month (only upside) but not in a healthy way. I have not eaten much, haven’t slept and to be honest haven’t shaved my legs in over a month. I am writing this post in order to I don’t know, redeem myself? Get some closure? I am not sure but I feel I need to write what happen through my eyes. 

It’s going to be hard to condense the last two years in a short text post so I will try my best. I do want to start off by saying before I met my ex, I was involved in a 3 year on and off semi-relationship with a douchebag...literally. He fucked me up emotionally and mentally, ultimately to end things while I was alone in the hospital when I got sick to the point I had what seemed like a stroke. I was sitting all alone 2 in the morning in the hospital bed right after doing a spinal tap just to receive a text from this prick of a picture of him kissing another girl. You guys dont know how devastating that was for me. Not only was I very sick, alone waiting for my parents to drive back to Miami from Gainesville that night as they had to leave my sisters graduation early to be with me. I was there for a week and couldnt go to work for 2 weeks. Worst period of my life to be honest. After that, I learned to be happy and content alone. I was so happy for a year. Traveling, doing my own thing and not caring about anyone in the world. 

About 2 years ago in January, I met my now ex. I almost canceled the first 3 dates because thats how happy I was being single. I wasn’t even looking for a relationship in that moment. But I gave him a chance and we ended up falling for each other. We had so much in common, we became official a month later and hit the road running from there. That first year was the best year for me. He was so attentive to me, made me feel secure in our relationship, so secure to the point where I would tell him to go out with his friends and funny thing is he would get mad at me for saying that because he thought that meant I would go out with my friends.  

In that year, I noticed a lot of things about his family that I didn’t really like but I turned my head because I wasn't dating them, I was dating their son. In that year, I saw his family dynamic and saw a lot of lack of communication. From the beginning of the relationship he told me to not get close to his mom and sister. He painted this picture of them to me where I felt bad for his situation at home. There would be times where I would go to their house and they weren’t talking to him. At one point they didn’t talk for 3 months and boy those were the most awkward 3 months of my life, you can feel the tension in that house the moment you walked in. Anyways, to put it short, I always had my suspisions about his family but I guess curiosity kils the cat and love truly is blind. I felt bad for him, so I pushed him to find another job and move out.

Throughout our entire relationship he would constantly tell me how we were going to get married, his mom would always tell me how I was the woman for her son and how he was looking at engagement rings. It was like a too good to be true moment for me. anyways, Back in May he was offered a new job and move out of his house. Besides the furniture and apartment, everything in that apartment I paid for and helped him create a home, all under the understanding that he would repay me back and it was for when we got married. I bought him, bed sheets, all the toiletries, cleaning products in bulk. I bought him the comforter, pillows, towels, soaps, detergent, glassware, and split the $1000 TV. So I invested money in what I thought would be for us to use in the future. 

However, a few months of him at the new job I instantly noticed a distance between us, from calling me 3 to 4 times a day went down to 2 times a day to eventually once a day. his texts became non existent and I started to ask myself what was going on. When I would go to his place and try to bring it up and ask him what was going on, he shut down and wouldnt talk. Instead he would lash out at me and compare me to his ex and tell me nothing is going on. I also found it strange how he knew so much about his co workers relationship problems and how he knew so much about their personal life. I would constantly tell him he needs to focus on work and not care about his co workers. I knew he started to get influenced at work, it was a gut feeling but I stuck it out. Until the last 3 months. It got to the point where in a 24 hour time period our conversations would last 5 minutes max. He blamed it all on his job and how he wasnt happy at work and he wasnt making money, but I knew it was somehting else. His co workers started getting to his head and telling him what a relationship was supposed to be liked. 

It got to the point where the last month it pushed me to get close with his mom and sister. I told them everything that was going on and tried to get answers to try and help him, through them I found out about all these co workers and their names and how they always invited him out. I was so upset he never really told me their names. The last month I had asked for space after a mini altercation over the weekend where he lashed out at me because my GPS wasn’t working on my phone. That week I asked for space to think about the relationship, and a few days later when I contacted him again he told me he took that as me breaking up with him. I called him like 20 times till he picked up to tell him he was making a mistake and that it wasn’t me breaking up and to stop being so negative. We eventually got back for 2 more weeks until Halloween day he asked me for space because he was confused and unhappy. 

Well, guess what I didint do? I didnt give him space. Do I regret it? ehh no because to me, I take relationships seriously and all I wanted to do is communicate and talk about the issue at hand. He just completely ignored me for two weeks and finally after contacting his mom everyday trying to figure out what was going on, he called me on a saturday and we just sort of ended things. He told me he still loved me but was unhappy. 

A week later, I told my brother about everything and he asked me why I was sad and not upset that he never paid me back for all the stuff I bought him. And it was then that something had clicked in my head, I was no longer sad but very upset at him. I had called his sister that monday telling her he needs to pay me back and I messaged him through whats app and all he said was to give him time to get his stuff together and to stop contacting his family with threats that I would go to his apartment and blocked me right away. It was then where I saw his family’s true colors, I had never said I was going to his apartment, his sister and mom stirred the pot and exaggerated the story making him more upset. It was then when I realized all those times they told me they never talk to him, they did and probably lied to him. I am now $5,000 in debt because of helping him move out. 

He will never pay me now, he took the coward way out of the relationship in my opinion by completely ignoring me and never communicating with me. And to top things off, my friends saw him back on tinder (where we originally met) with his about me saying hes a world traveler but before me he had never been on a plane and traveled. I paid for all the trips he went on. He had messaged my friend saying how we had broken up over a month when it was only 2 weeks, and how he went to all these places and how he makes it a point to travel 3 times a year, yet those places he went to he went because either I paid for him to go or my family invited him to go with us. He had told one of my friends on tinder he went to the Bahamas......aka he went on the boat with my brother (cause I made him invite him) to bimini and he never even touched land.

So I guess lessons learned here is: 

Don’t trust anyone and always go with your gut. I should have broken up with him when I first saw the red flags coming from his family and home....because at the end of the day...The apple doesnt fall far from the tree. 

[shangharry]

the beautiful @loveloveolivia tagged me in this!

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: water

2. Phone call: my sister, a month ago :’), I don’t really do phone calls 

3. Text message: last one I sent was to @oiiiioiiii about having mixed feelings

4. Song you listened to: i’m currently listening to slow dancing in a burning room by john mayer because i love pain 

5. Time you cried: idk actually, which is rare because I cry most days because i’m just a very emotional person!!!! i’ll probably cry before I go to bed 

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: my ex and I once “broke up” for a couple of weeks but it was more of an extended fight :’) so no I wouldn’t say I’ve dated anyone twice

7. Been cheated on: not that I know of

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: no 

9. Lost someone special: yes

10. Been depressed: i actually don’t know and don’t care to find out 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. green

13. blue

14. pink (wow such a larrie)

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes!

16. Fallen out of love: not in the last year because I haven’t been in love for a long time in the first place 

17. Laughed until you cried: yes 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: idk? i don’t care enough about these things to remember it 

19. Met someone who changed you: no 

20. Found out who your true friends are: i can never relate to these questions like.... what are fake friends? why is everyone so bad at picking friends? what are you all doing wrong? this is such a foreign concept to me 

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: not in the last year 

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them? is that weird? i thought that was the norm 

23. Do you have any pets: my parents have two cats 

24. Do you want to change your name: i would like a last name that’s a bit more international but i’m happy that tiffany is easy to pronounce pretty much everywhere so that’s cool 

25. What did you do for your last birthday: went to IKEA with my best friend, assembled IKEA furniture at his house, went out for dinner with him and another friend, listened to **** ***** sing my name on his podcast 

26. What time did you wake up: 9:30ish?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was on a train  28. Name something you cannot wait for: finding a job, moving 

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: last Saturday!

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I want to find a job but other than that it’s alright I guess 

31. What are you listening to right now: bon iver - i can’t make you love me 

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: haha yeah I had two classmates that were called Tom and another one called Thom who still is a close friend 

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: life 

34. Most visited website: bbc iplayer radio 

35. Elementary: been there done that? what is the question? 

36. High School: yeah did that as well, had really good grades, didn’t get bullied, it was fine 

37. College/university: studied linguistics for three months, quit, studied history, handed in my MA dissertation last month  38. Hair colour: blonde

39. Long or short hair: in between 

40. Do you have a crush on someone: no

41. What do you like about yourself: i’m very funny 

42. Piercings: do earrings count? 

43. Blood type: wouldnt know if my life depended on it 

44. Nickname: abbreviations of my first name, which is Tiffany 

45. Relationship status: single, not really interested in mingling unless you’re filthy rich and living in london 

46. Zodiac sign: aries

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: Friends, Grey’s Anatomy, HIMYM, Please Like Me

49. Tattoos: yeah I have four, a harry potter one, a 1D/coldplay one, a heart and an anchor/rope/rose thing  50. Right or left hand: left

FIRST… 51. Surgery: i.... never had surgery 

52. Piercing: my ears 

54. Sport: first was tennis I think? or gymnastics? anyway something I was terrible at 

55. Vacation: we used to stay in the Netherlands, but my first holiday abroad was to Gran Canaria when I was 9 I think? 

56. Pair of trainers: do converse count?

57. Eating: are we still talking about firsts? we aren’t right? what is the question? no i’m not eating 

58. Drinking: water

59. I’m about to: idk 

60. Listening to: dog days are over by florence 

61. Waiting for: idek 

62. Want: a job, a million euros, a new flat, a healthy relationship 

63. Get married: jesus these questions are so strangely formulated this is like a command. yeah i want to get married 

64. Career: i’ll probably try and do a phd in a couple of years and then just idk teach and write books and do research? 

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: neither with 99.99% of people but in a relationship i’d prefer kissing i guess 

66. Lips or eyes: eyes 

67. Shorter or taller: taller

68. Older or younger: older :’) 

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: uhm both i guess but i have a thing for arms yeah 

71. Sensitive or loud: both? you can be loud and sensitive 

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, i’m way too introverted for hookups to work out 

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker because if i’d be dating a hesitant person we’d never be doing anything or going anywhere 

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: yeah 

75. Drank hard liquor?: yes 

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: no 

77. Turned someone down: yeah

78. Sex on first date: no

79. Broken someone’s heart: i wouldn’t say i broke it but i turned someone down who i knew was really interested in me 

80. Had your heart broken: yeah

81. Been arrested: no

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: yeah I was basically best friends with my ex before we started dating 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: yeah 

85. Miracles: sure 

86. Love at first sight: no but I do think you can be attracted to/infatuated with someone at first sight 

87. Santa Claus: no

88. Kiss on the first date: if i believe in the concept? yeah sure 

89. Angels: no 

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: i don’t have one best friend 

91. Eye colour: blue/green

92. Favourite movie: idek man, about time, se7en, notting hill, la la land? don’t @ me 

[swampgallows]

i have honestly been considering death lately. like quitting my job and finishing the stuff i have to do and then finding some place to just go and die quietly and away from everything. i truthfully cannot envision a future or career for myself and i don’t see the point in getting old or going on any longer. im going to die anyway, im terrified of death so i might as well just get it over with since there’s really no point in me sticking around for anything. ive done enough damage as it is. i didnt ask to be born and i didnt ask to be born just to die but maybe i can take the reins the best i can and control it a little. i dont know. my parents already control my finances so i wouldnt have to worry about leaving my family anything, they already have it all. i can slip through the cracks pretty easily, nobody is really dependent on me and i dont have a career or anything where i’m a link in a chain of command or anything like that. 

dunno, just wondering about death. i dont have even a semblance of ducks in a row, not in the slightest, but i cant imagine it would be hard to have my affairs in order. i dont have that much. i dont do that much. and the people around me could figure out where my shit could go, all my records and my tables n stuff. i might burn my journals and whatever just cause that shit is embarrassing, i dunno, close-minded racist homophobic shit thanks to my shit upbringing

this morning my mom fucking honked driving through the underpass where homeless people gather and laughed “TIME TO WAKE UP!” and i said “it’s saturday. everyone sleeps in on saturday.” she paused, then said, “they sleep in every day.” shut the fuck up, mom. so glad youre part of my life, mom. so glad every moment i think i can be close to you and proud of you, you push me away with your palpable hatred, mom. i get it. youre sick. youre depressed. you hate yourself. i get it. i hear you say it every fucking day. for twenty-seven years ive listened to you beat yourself up, call yourself a fucking idiot, fly into rages where you’ve broken furniture and made me so afraid to leave my room that as a child i pissed in the corner instead of daring to come out, and even now i cant leave my room without you attacking me with guilt or interrogations or just talking talking talking, it’s a fucking miracle if you ask me about my day or my life. and then you beat yourself up at the end of it, laughing about how you never shut up, still talking, still talking about how much you talk, how you ought to shut up, ‘boy i’d better stop talking’ because i dont say anything

like it fucking matters when i say anything, it’s not like you fucking listen or care. you’d rather be ‘right’ than even listen

maybe i’m gay, mom. maybe i’m a little bit gay. what i prefer is bi ace. bi-asexual. but thats too sjw complicated “all these labels” for you, and youd rather huff about how complicated it is to understand it than listen to how it feels to live it. maybe you’d understand the labels if you gave a single shit about the lives of the people they describe. how will that stand against you bragging about your brother being ‘the most conservative’ in his office? how does that fit into your carefully curated assemblage of Beliefs, sing-song lauding yourself for being such a bigot, and how you’re going to hell, and how you don’t care! how you forced me to come out, stuck in the car with you, dragged it out of me because you cant keep your nose out of my fucking business, because you think you have a right to my life, this life that you foisted upon me that i didnt ask for. i didnt ask to be born, i didnt ask for any of this, now i have it, and im going to put it back where i found it. 

i mean yeah, there are worse things in the world than not getting along with your parents but that’s all the more reason for me to quit my bitching for good.

im gonna have to opt out pretty soon, i think. gotta hearth to dalaran

see if i can really make it to that big floating city in the sky

[thecruciblegavemeyou]

mint chocolate chip

i got bored and i liked this idea so i ran with it. longer than i intended.. could probably turn into something longer. eh (simons pov) 

ao3

simon has a very bad week, and baz makes the mistake of grabbing the last tub of simon’s favorite ice cream

words: 2.4 k

this was the last straw. the last, very short straw of a number of shitty straws i had received this week.

monday

agatha broke things off. for the last time, i think. "si, this just isn't working anymore. we've both known that for a long time. and, well... i think i'm asexual, i dont know. i have some stuff to figure out simon, and i think i have to do this alone."

i could still see her, standing in front of me in the living room. i had romantic candles lit all around the room. and i (penny) made a fancy dinner, that was laid out on the only tablecloth that penny and i owned that i had yet to stain.

she didnt cry, but i certainly did. it was humiliating. i thought we had finally been making it work this time, and i was even going to ask her to move in with me and penny. hence the fancy dinner.

so she left me there on the couch and i spent the rest of the night crying in the tub (with a bottle of red wine).

tuesday

then, because i stayed up all night crying (and very drunk), I missed the bus to class tuesday morning. which meant i had to walk 2 hours to school in the rain while hungover (in a torrential downpour) and i missed my class anyways.

i didnt even get to turn in my paper, because even my professor had left by then. it would have been the best paper i wrote all semester too; instead, i watched the grade be entered as a zero. i tried to email my professor, but i already knew it was hopeless because she was a bitch. and i always fell asleep in class, so i wasnt exactly her favorite student.

by the time penny came around to give me a lift home, i was soaked to bone. i knew something was wrong the moment i got in the car, but i didnt press her. normally penny greeted me with tea, a scone, and a perky hello, but she was as somber as the rain outside.

she didnt say anything for a long time. we were almost back to the flat when she turned the volume down on the radio and turned to me. "hey, simon, do you remember micah?" penny asked.

"what a bloody idiotic question penny, of course i remember your boyfriend. im hungover, not stupid." i snorted, grabbing my sopping wet bag from the back seat.

she killed the engine; she was watching me with that expression of pity, the one she wore every time agatha said she wanted to take a break. "he's moving to london." she mumbled.

"pen, that's great! now i won't have to listen to your skype dates and-"

"we signed the lease for an apartment today." she gulped.

my world was spinning. i stopped walking, "when, um... is he in town? you never mentioned... was this a split second decision? i..." i always knew that penny move move out someday. i thought it would be farther down the road. i'd need to find a new roommate, because there was no way i could continue to afford the apartment penny and i had by myself...

"when are you leaving?" i blurted out.

"i spent today packing. im almost ready to go. micah and i are going to finish packing and moving everything from my apartment to the new one tomorrow. do you want to help?"

"you mean... i only have one day to find a new roommate?" i couldn't help the anger boiling in my stomach. she gave me no warning whatsoever and the rent was due next friday. im not proud of what i did next, but theres no going back.

i stormed into my room and locked it behind me. i couldn't look at any of penny's packed boxes. i didn't even stop when micah called out a greeting. i was too upset, and i didnt really know the guy well enough to let him see me cry. the took turns trying to coax me out of my room throughout the night, penny even went out and bought me sour cherry scones from my favorite bakery across town. i didnt have any appetite.

wednesday

i got out of the house before they woke up. i had work, anyways. thankfully, it had stopped raining sometime last night. unfortunately, the puddles remained. a taxi flew around the curb with no warning and soaked my jeans and shoes (my good jeans).

"bloody fucking merlin and morgana-" i shouted, before the mother behind me hurriedly covered the ears of her toddler.

I made it to the starbucks where i worked, and took in the comforting smell of coffee and sugar and the faint smell of cleaner that was used to wipe down the counters each night. it was apparently the only dependable thing in my life right now.

"sorry im late, trixie, i had a bad morning-" I sighed, grabbing my apron off the back rack.

trixie (my boss) just waved me into her office, "simon?" she was sorting through piles of paperwork and notices, and it took her a moment before she realized i was already in her office.

"so, simon-"

"yeah?" i responded, more focused on trying to tie the apron behind my back. i had terrible hand-eye coordination as is, it didnt help when you took one factor out of the equation. I could smell coffee wafting in from the front, and i prayed trixie would be quick so i could go out and grab a cup for myself.

"we had to make some budget cuts this month, so we have to let some people go... im so sorry, simon. here's your last paycheck."

trixie held out a sad, slumped little slip of paper. i stared at her, barely registering her words. after an awkward minute of silence, i took the check and left the apron draped over the chair opposite her desk. i didnt make eye contact with my coworkers as i left and i prayed they hadnt been able to hear the entire conversation between me and trixie, if it could be called a conversation.

i knew they mustve heard, even if they didnt it wasnt hard to put two and two together.

i shoved the check into my (wet) jeans pocket and made my way towards the flat. halfway home, i turned into the bank and cashed the check, knowing there was no way i would remember to do it tomorrow.

this was turning out to be the worst week of my life.

when i got back to the flat, half the boxes, micah, and penny were nowhere to be found. i holed myself up in my room again, this time having the foresight to take some food back into my room with me. i blasted my music, and kept the door locked again. the lock wouldnt actually keep penny out (there was a key for every room in the house) but if it was locked she wouldnt bother trying to intrude on my sob fest.

thursday

when i woke up, the house was empty. i made my way into the bathroom to freshen up and tried to ignore how quiet the flat was now. penny had even taken a lot of the photos and such with her, but she left most of the furniture (out of pity, i think). her and micah would get to buy all new furniture, together.

on the kitchen counter was a note, a key, and an address. her new apartment was within walking distance still (ten minutes or so). i imagined they were still settling in, and i still had nothing to say to her (i wasn't mad, i was just... not ready). anyways, i needed to start searching for a new roommate.

i went and grabbed my laptop, and settled in on the couch. i ignored the notifications reminding me to study or finish this project or that, and delved into my search. i didnt have class until later tonight, and i didnt have a job to get to either, so i had most of the day free.

i needed to search for a new job, too. there was no way i could afford rent if i didnt have a job, let alone a roommate to split the bill.

i had no idea where to start. i didn't really want to live with a stranger, but i absolutely didnt want to lose this apartment either. it was so close to campus, and i liked being near all the other students. it was ina great part of town, and almost everything i needed was within walking distance. maybe i could ask a classmate if they wanted to move in? it seems a bit short notice, and i imagine that by the end of the first semester everyone already has a place to live anyways.

i was screwed.

i grabbed some take out on my way back home, alone, and spent the rest of the night procrastinating homework and responsibilities. this is why i needed penny.

friday

it was obvious friday was following the same downward spiral when i woke up to a text from agatha, asking if she could come by to talk. she wanted to stay friends and she thought she left a jumper at my place.

i almost fell off the couch at four o'clock, when agatha let herself in to find me in my boxers on the couch.

"oh, hi, simon. didnt you hear me knocking?" she asked, hanging up her jacket and unraveling a scarf from her neck. i could smell her from here. that perfume would haunt me forever. i never really liked that scent. i'd have to light a candle after she leaves.

"no..." i mumbled, trying to be discreet as as tried to get my pants back on as fast as possible. agatha headed straight for my room to look for her jumper. she had no qualms, did she?

"simon, where did everything go? why is the flat so empty?" agatha asked, drawing back the curtains to let some sunlight into my cave. didn't she think this was awkward? why was she acting so normal?

i cleared my throat, "uh, penny moved out. she got an apartment with micah a few blocks down. she sprung it on me this tuesday." i covered the emotion in my voice.

"oh, well, thats great for penny and micah." she hummed and finally found her jumper, which had wound up in my laundry.

she started for the door. i refrained from going after her. i wasnt going to chase her and beg her to come back, not this time. even agatha seemed surprised. she stopped at the door, almost as if to tell my this was my last chance to chase her down and beg for her forgiveness.

i didnt move.

"it was good to see you, simon." she smiled and twisted the door knob, "coffee sometime, okay?"

"no, thank you, though." i said. i didnt miss the flash of surprise in her eyes as she shut the door behind her. i cranked the volume back up, and cried in tune with adele.

come dinner time, i made my way into the kitchen to try and find something to eat.

the fridge and cabinets were empty. all that was left was a jar of curry, a bag of peanuts, and expired milk. i let out a moan. penny always did the shopping.

i peeked at the clock. it was already nine. but i was starving, and i wanted ice cream. i deserved ice cream, after this shitty week. and maybe some alcohol. any type of alcohol.

i tugged on my old Watford sweatshirt and a pair of grey sweats, and dug through piles of crap until i found my wallet.

the store was half empty, and there was only one cashier open still, slowly checking out one old lady who couldnt seem to remember what she was doing. i made my way towards the milk and ice cream first.

i grabbed a smaller milk, because there was no way i would finish a whole one without penny, and it didnt look like id be getting a new roommate yet.

i stopped. there was another boy by the ice cream, grabbing the last tub of mint chocolate chip.

i lost it.

"no, no, no! merlin, no, you dont get to have the last of the mint chocolate chip!" i exclaimed and the guy jumped, spinning on his heel to face me. why was he in jeans, it was nine thirty already? who wears such nice jeans out to the grocery store.

"excuse me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"if you dont mind, id like that tub of ice cream. i deserve it. i had the fucking worst week of my life. and all i want is to go home, eat some goddamn mint chocolate chip ice cream, get drunk, and pretend im not doing it alone." i shouted. he stared for a minute, before he broke out in laughter.

my face went red, but i didnt back down. i wasnt letting him take that ice cream away from me, i didnt care how gorgeous he was.

"i dont want to be alone, either." he smirked. "but you cant finish this whole tub by yourself."

"then come help me." i teased. i couldnt help it. that smirk was infectious. and he had pretty eyes.

"fine. but youre buying the alcohol." he said, pointing towards the next aisle. he followed me into the next aisle over, and we picked out various bottles of various alcohols.

he didnt make me pay. in fact, he paid for my milk too. and then i let him follow me back to my flat.

"im baz." he said, holding out a slender hand.

"simon."

i dont remember how we got there, but i didnt mind when i woke up on top of baz, stretched out on my couch, with him in a pair of my sweats (those bloody jeans may have been hot but i knew they werent comfortable). i didnt even mind the hangover i could feel coming, or the messy, empty tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream on my coffee table.

not when baz was kissing me, mumbling “good morning, darling,” in my ear.

[michaelreaderreblog]

My truemate

Word Count: 2,197

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You are an unmated which you dont mind considering you werent ready for the big commitment thing in the first place but you are well guarded by your older Alpha brothers. Dean who is unmated and than there is Sam who is also unmated.

This wasnt the idea of a lifestyle your parents wanted their children to have, they always wanted to have a house full of grand pups before they passed on but that never came to reality.

Your father passed away just before you presented as Omega, your dad was killed in a mugging gone wrong while the mugger is a tweaked out drug addict and pulled the trigger and the bullet got to his major arteries and bled to death.

You and your bothers moved out of Sioux Falls after his death leaving behind Bobby but he understood why the move is of importance, between the three of you decided to move to Washington the small town of Kamloops.

After countless apartments and houses none of which seemed to be appealing to Dean but you just wanted to settle already and got weary of his pickiness.

By the end of the week is when he finally settled on a house in a secluded area surrounded by trees, a mile long drive way and knowing your brothers would need to get a bob cat to plow when the snow came.

When the realtor Naomi, who is a Beta showed the house and the garage you were surprised the bob cat is even included but would need a fixing but thank goodness your brother Dean is good with his hands.

Your brother Sam is also great for fixing things but when he doubted himself he would always ask Dean just to make sure he got things right and he always did.

Dean and Sam never liked the idea of you living on your own and always wanted to be there to protect you and honestly you didnt like the idea of living on your own either knowing what happens to unmated Omega's.

You heard about the kidnappings, the trafficking, abuse, and very terrible things that they do to Omegas all together and that scared the crap out of you knowing very damn well it can happen at any given moment.

Once you heard about a brothel being raided on the news is when you called your brothers telling them to switch on the news at their work place. They saw everything about the information being told is when they got angry especially Dean.

Thinking what if that could have been you, having you to come back being damaged, terrified, untrusting of the world, being deathly afraid of him and Sam because they are Alpha's and thats what brought your older brother to tears streaming down his face.

After seeing the news thats when he asked Bobby if he could have the afternoon off which he didnt seem to mind about that, he came home to you and held you in his arms until you told him you were fine and couldnt breath any longer if he held his grasp on you.

He wouldnt know what to do if anything ever happened to you, he and Sam made a promise to both of your parents to make sure that nothing would ever happened to you for as long as you lived well until you found a mate anyways.

“So what do we think?” Your older brother asks while looking around the property outside the house.

“Looks beautiful De. There is even a trail that leads to the lake at the back of the house” You answer your brother while motioning your hand in the direction of the house.

“Are you serious?” Sam asks while walking around the house to see where the trail starts.

You smile as Sam passes you to look around the corner of the house to see the trail and he clearly sees the lake he hasnt even noticed as soon as you got into the house.

“That is amazing, Dean we should just get this house” He says looking in the direction where Dean stood, you see from the corner of your eye he is making his way towards you.

“Y/n what do you think? Buy? Or keep looking?” He asks while the realtor has a smile just looking so hopeful to sale the place.

“I hope you dont mind me asking but are you three looking for jobs as well?” She asks from the front of the porch and looking at us with a smile spread across her face and just looking at her you knew that she is sincere, kind hearted, and obviously someones mother.

“My brother Sam is and I will be opening up my new business in furniture making and refurbished. My sister here will be working from home with the crafts she does and hope that her business will boom like it did in Sioux Falls” Dean says turning his direction to Naomi.

“Lovely, your business in furniture making will be very popular. What sorts of crafts?” She asks turning her gaze away from Dean and unto you.

“I nit and make plushie toys” You answer to her.

“That is wonderful, you know we dont have anyone around here who make those types of toys or stuffed animals. I know for a fact your business will take off once you start to advertise or I could do that for you. Show them your products and so forth well thats if you would like me to.” She volunteers and to your surprise she is willing to help you with your business in making these toys.  

“Wow um that is so generous of you, I will let you know the minute I have finished products and are you sure that wont be any trouble for you?” You tell her while jumping on the inside out of pure joy, when you first met her you thought that she was going to be completely rude towards you because you are an Omega.

Turned out that she has a son who is also an Omega and thought it would be a great idea for the two of you to meet, that way you wouldnt feel completely alone in the new town and it would be nice to have a friend around, you didnt seem to mind about the idea.

“Oh please no trouble at all, I like to see small business turn into a success. My son Michael has his own hardware store that he started from the backyard of his house than he bought an old warehouse and ever since then he has been doing incredibly well. I mean who knows there is a possibility you could open your own crafts store like build a bear” She tells you every excitedly talking about her son opening his own business in town and just thinking how this town even survived with out a hardware store well the drive to Olympia wasnt that long so that was another solution.

“Other than that um I love the house, De lets sign the damn papers and move in. I am already getting annoyed with your pickiness and just want to settle” You look to your older brothers direction who has a victorious smile spread across his face as you agree upon the house selection.

The house appears to have a cabin feel to it with refurbished oak cabinets in the kitchen all throughout the house with ceiling beams, three bedrooms upstairs, two downstairs one of which will be your office in creating your plushie toys. Recreational room which is perfect for your brothers knowing Dean would want to turn that into a man cave you dont mind since you have always wanted one.

The other room is for you when your heats come along and would need to get away from your brothers and placing the box of toys in a closet once all of you begin to move in.

“Alright alright alright, now where do I sign?” He asks looking to Naomi who also has a joyous smile spread on her face, once the papers were signed and a cheque is all made out to purchase the house is when she gave the keys to Dean.

When she is saying her farewells she turns to you and hands you her personal phone number along with home phone for a set up for the showing of your products.

Over the next couple of days all three of you start moving into the new house and get settled in all the rooms. Your brothers settle everything that will be needed for your heats in the future.

“I hate to say this but y/n dont you think its time to get a mate, I mean you shouldnt have to go through your heats alone. I worry about you enough as it is especially when your heats come.” Dean says while he comes up the stairs from the lower level of the house as you stand in the kitchen putting the stuff away into the cupboards.

“Dont you think its time for you to find a mate Dean?” You look to him with a stern expression on your face as you cross your arms across your chest leaning against the counter.

“Touche baby girl touche” He says with hands up in surrender.

“Hey you havent called me that in a long while” You soften your expression as you still hold your gaze on Dean.

“Yeah well why not, you are the baby after all and you know we practically raised you so why not bring it up for old time sake” He says as he comes closer to the kitchen to stand in front of you and hold his arms out to pull you slowly to his chest.

“Just like how dad used to say it” You say as your voice is all muffled up by his embrace, you know there is a smile slowly forming at the corners of his mouth.

After your mother passed away from breast cancer is when your father started to drink on a nightly basis. When that wasnt enough for him is when it got worse on a daily and hourly basis.

Your brothers stepped up to take care of you right up until he passed away while going on an evening grocery/liquor run than things turn to worse for you and your family.

Loosing another parent three years after your mom passed away. You and your older brothers have always been close growing up, your father feared if you presented as Omega and had your first heat that there would be no way in fighting for you to stay at home with your family where him and your brothers could protect you.

When a person presents Omega at the ripefull age of 16 or even 14, families were usually forced to sell them off to high paid Alpha's. That was always the worse solution because when the Omega disrespected their Alpha they were allowed to beat them to teach them a lesson into never repeating the same. When the Alpha beat their Omega it would always end up horribly gone wrong to the point where they died.

As the years went by the government banned that law and went on to having schools for Omega's to be more traditional child bearer's that they are made to be, stay at home and were always told that they never would voice an opinion.

They also added a law if the parent escorts their child who has presented Omega to the doctor for suppressants for their heats will be visited by officials from the Academies to collect the child and register them into the school system until the rightful Alpha came along to claim them.

The moment is ruined by the time Sam came up from the stairs as he looks to his siblings having a moment to themselves is when he clears his throat.

“Im getting pretty hungry, how about you two?” He asks leaning against the beam that separates the kitchen from the foyer.

“Yeah I guess I could eat” You tell him as you pull away from Dean.

“Agreed, so what are we doing for supper?” He asks looking between you and Sam.

“I was thinking we could go out, find a couple dvds to rent since we dont have wifi or cable so” He asks looking between you and Dean.

“Sounds like a plan, good thing we set up the TV and DVD player. Lets go see what our options are and go from there” Dean says as we make our way to the door to put on our shoes and jackets.

Dean is the last out of the house to close and make sure that the house is locked. Once we got into town and looking for a place to eat is when we settled on a restaurant called Connor's Diner. We enter the place and there are people having family dinners, dates and so forth. As you walk behind Sam is when you felt a hand grab your ass, you turn around to see who the douche bag was.

[carmenpeach]

the idea of successful college degrees vs useless college degrees is such a stupid concept. no degree gurantees you riches or failure. sometimes even if you study a "good" degree, youre likely going to be working class like the rest of us, not some ultra rich ceo or world renowned surgeon or whatever. and the idea of success is subjective. its always pushed as success = rich. typically, people want a humble life, to have a nice home, friends and community, to not be financially burdened. its fucked that we view the working class as lesser because they arent super rich ("someone important"). and even then, the constant burden of working full time jobs to stay afloat that takes from the lives people need to live, for down time for hobbies and fun and connections with others. having a fancy degree doesnt make you exempt from facing the same crisis and pain as everyone else. and the idea that we look down on people working "lesser" jobs like custodial or food service and what have you (ie no college degree jobs, which is funny since a degree doesnt mean you wont be doing this work yourself)

im getting off track anyways like. i dont want to be "someone important" in the sense of importance = position of power. i want to have fun and have friends, i want a place to live with my partner and my pets. i want to cook for us and for my friends. my "dream job" is just something simple, i want to keep doing the behind the scenes stuff at ceramic studios! it was hard sometimes but i enjoyed it. i liked cleaning the kilns, i liked loading and unloading other peoplea work, i liked mixing the glazes and getting out tools to fix the kiln furniture when someone inexperienced put too much glaze on a piece, i liked moping the studio and cleaning out the smelly slop buckets. and the thing is, people didnt really appreciate it. they wanted their studio clean and their work being fired and ready for them, and their work to survive a well working kiln. but every day i got pity looks doing the manual and dirty side of things, ive had the people whose work relied on my carefulness laugh at me and tell me how sorry they are that i have to do something "humiliating" (ie custodial) and ive had people accuse me of lying that i was paid for this, thinking i must have done something wrong and that im doing community service as punishment.

and thats the thing right there, im not "successful" since i wasnt doing something fancy with others under my thumb, and its disgusting how people can see me directly doing their work for them and they think "glad that isnt me, im too important for that" but regardless, i enjoyed what i did, and i want that sort of job again. its thankless work, but these self important people wouldnt have what they do without people that do this work. so is my art degree useless? no, its perfect for my goals, which is to be someone normal that does what i think is important. and even if i dont end up doing it all the way i want (and even then, an art degree wasnt something required for this) (and the pandemic put a huge set back since all places like that were closed down) like, im happy the way my life is going.

[whence-the-woody]

2020 

I used to do big, reflective summaries of my year and even tho I am feeling reflective today, I wasn’t able to do that last year and I actually really like the format I went with last year of just listing memz so I’m going wih that. Intention review etc will be in another post. So, my 2020 memories:

Jan

Gearing up to leave a job I hated, packing up my life to move away properly for the first time. Going flat hunting with my mum and my brother and having a literal choice of one

I did Home which I dont really remember so it was probably fine

This was the month the Gallavich wedding aired and gaslit me into believing there was still anything positive about that show/ship. Tbf at the time I was LIVING for it

Cinema kick with Mum including CATS. What a moment. 

Feb

Last day at said crappy job (just weird and awks. I didnt really know how to feel) and starting a new one - everyone was so lovely from the off and even tho I was bored at times I was optimistic

Staying with my brother for a few days, him helping me move in which was all very nice. 

My flat having no hot water for the first week - I only cried about it once. And me having nothing but an air bed for 3 weeks. Not ideal but grateful to have amenities and furniture by the end of the month

I think this was both kareoke night for one persons birthday and a 90s party for another - both excellent nights

People were talking about COVID by the end of the month but I was like pfft we’ve been here before with swine and bird flu, it’ll be all hyped up then go nowhere 

I think I was getting my first allocations by the end of the month which I was grateful for because going from an insane workload to none at all was tricky and I wanted to get going

March

Oh March 2020. How we did not see you coming. 

Before the lockdown even happened I remember people were panic buying. I stocked my freezer a bit, not because I was worried but because so many shelves were empty. All the shops starting looking apocalyptic and I was despairing over how silly everyone was being. You couldn’t get online shops anymore and there was no loo roll to be found - still think thats just so dumb. I had to go to 4 different stores to find oats and was so annoyed, weird little tidbit but I remember it. 

 I remember sitting down on my new furniture - eating a meal I had made, watching John Mulaney and feeling good in my new home - and seeing the Boris announcement. Other countries had already locked down so I had mentioned to my manager that I might have to go home to my Mums if it happened here - she had asked, I didn’t really believe it would. I had arranged for a friend to visit that month and when she cancelled I was like I think everyones being dramatic but okay. Then the 23rd, they announced a lockdown from midnight and I straight away messaged everyone to say I was panicking, asked my manager if I could leave and packed to drive back to Mum’s the next morning. I was in my flat about 6 weeks. 

I know for a fact that March felt like the longest month to ever happen but now I cant remember anything else from it - the announcement was so late in the month, I wasn’t working from Mum’s for that long before April. I think we were told to WFH if we could mid-month but I didn’t. Cant for the life of me now think why it felt so long. I know for those last 2 weeks I was refreshing the news constantly to see what was happening. I was still skeptical and thought the numbers were too low for such drama

April

WFH for real. Excruciating daily calls “to check in”. Working my first cases from home, only on the phone, with no idea what I was doing. Taking turns wearing headphone with Mum because we were both having confidential conversations. 

Walking my pup to get my alloted hour of exercise. Taking regular breaks to go outside - I think this was when there was a heatwave. Eating lunch outside. Sometimes doing weights or yoga during my lunch break - that part was actually pretty great 

Discovering podcasts - especially FDRF. They were the real MVP. 

Still constantly checking the news for updates. 3 weeks turned into 6 and so on and so on. 

I came back to my flat for one of the long weekends. I had accepted that it was going to be longer then 3 weeks and I needed more stuff. I went for a very hot walk through a ghost town - at the time it still seemed like there were too many people about. Still picnics in the park happening. 

Everyone flinching when they say each other and steering well clear. It made you feel tainted even though its what we were suppossed to do. 

Clapping for carers - absolute bullshit placating, hated it. 

Always being left off the list of keyworkers.

Still feeling like yeah its bad but ?? This cant go on forever 

A year of build up to a move then the rug was pulled out from under me, I tried not to complain because others had it so so much worse but it was hard. Is hard. 

We watched all of Location, all of Marvel, Bake off etc etc. I cried when Tony Stark died. 

I went back through my ENTIRE tumblr. I realised how little had changed really, it was very existential. 

May 

I had to come back to my new city because I was on a duty rota for 2 weeks. I was actually very excited and had a good time. I got to see people IRL!! Including some I was working with. It was definately a heatwave at that point - we were swealtering in our cars and full PPE but I was so glad to be out and about and back in the city. Putting a face and proper clothes on again was very weird

I dont remember anything else from May specifically. I think March and April lasted 10 years but then May June July were a blink. I think I had accepted how bad everything was by that point, I had stopped looking at the News for updates. I think this is where zoom started to be a thing maybe. 

June

Honestly not a clue. I was between My place and Mum’s because of the duty rota. I don’t think I came back FT until end of June. I know things were starting to open up again and it was all moving far too fast - I definately wasnt going to run out to the gym or pub but alot of people were. We were suppossed to go on holiday for a week this month, with my brother and the dogs but obvs that was cancelled - it was such a lovely place as well, shame. 

Yoga was still random but I did a weight workout every day this month which was great

July

Turning 25. I was definately back in the city FT, going back into work. My Mum came to stay in my place for the first time. My brother came over too. We went for a walk, had a picnic in the rain then ate cake back at mine. My Mum got me a microwave for my birthday because Im AN ADULT

For my birthday also me and my Mum watched Hamilton for the first time. This then took over my entire life and was played at all hours of the day 

Kept going with daily weight workouts, moved up another set. I think this is where I re-did Revolution

August

Ready to start socialising again. More restrictions were being lifted too quickly which I knew but also I had to GTFO

A friend came to stay with me for the weekend. Hes not very mobile so we couldnt do much - went for a short walk into town, sat by the river and got severely sunburned. We went to a restaurant for the first time in 6 months - I had pancakes. I made him watch Hamilton which he did not appreciate enough. Also watched Truman show for the first time while eating burritos - what a mindfuck that movie is I mean really

Went for a very long very hot walk with a friend all around the fields surrounding the city. We stopped for a drink and cake halfway, more drinks were then had in her garden. This was our first time hanging out alone and it was really lovely, we spent much more time together after that. Shes probably who Ive seen the most this year. 

A couple of weeks after that we went for bottomless brunch, followed by I think 3 or 4 other bars. The joys of getting day drunk. 

I think this was the month I started using friend/dating apps and got OBSESSED. They’re just so silly and judgey and fun, I love it. 

My 6 month tenancy ran out which I chose to renew. I started negotiations with my landlord for a pet agreement. 

I think this is where I re-did Dedicate. I think weight workouts fell off a little bit because I was pretty busy. Instead of running started doing 3 walks a week which was nice. 

September

First time hanging out with more then one person - did a Hamilton viewing party with 4 of us. There were american themed snacks, it was great. Not a boozy night which was needed. I think I then went for coffee with 2 of the girls this month. 

First time meeting up with 2 girls I met on an app - I’m still friendly with one, not the other. It was mostly a good time and I’m very proud to have done it but then drunken politics came up and it got AWKWARD. 

Nagging and nagging and nagging my landlord until she signed the pet agreement and LET ME GET A CAT

My obsession with apps was replaced with a cat shelter/app obsession. It was very frustrating because I wanted to rescue and they make it very hard so I eventually found a for sale ad and contacted them - it was a rescue though as far as I’m concerned, she was in a horrible situation for an “owner” who had no clue and had only had her for a couple weeks before giving up and putting her up for sale. I rescued her okay. I think it was 3 or 4 weeks after getting agreement that I went to pick her up. So getting everything ready for her was a big part of this month

I did manage to fit in a 5 day holiday. It was suppossed to be solo travel abroad but ended up being a Mon-Fri with family. We did some NT walks it was nice.

Then it was literally that weekend my brother drove me to Wales to pick up my new fur baby. Instantly fell in love obviously and my whole life became about her from that point on. They told me she was really timid and scared, she had been hiding in her current place, but I was so impressed with how curious and confident she is. She was wary at first, a bit flinchy, didnt like being petted with 2 hands, didnt like loud noises, wouldnt come on the bed or sofa, wouldnt come into the living room really. I put child locks on alot of doors but shes not mischivous so its never really been an issue. She loved to play from the get go and did come to me for a fuss from day one. I adore her basically. The first time she jumped on the sofa, sat next me on the bed, slept on my bed, let me stroke her with 2 hands, her first vet trip, every little first and win has always been a massive victory, Im a v proud mama. She was no name for a few days but quickly somehow became my Myshka (the whole long list I had went quickly out the window somehow)

Did some more regular yoga. Tried to do 5 weight workout a week but it was a bit random. Walks fell off because of anxiety over leaving the cat. 

October

Alot of WFH to be with the cat. Definately obsessed. 

We had our team day on a farm, that was lovely

Saw my friend for Halloween - watched Hocus Pocus for the first time, had cocktails, watched a boring horror movie then Rocky Horror which is just exceptional. Lockdown 2.0 was announced but we were tipsy and over it. 

A very stressful month work-wise, lots of deadline, threat of Ofsted, management changes, admin changes, not getting enough sleep because work stress and struggling with productivity. My health suffered a bit too because I didnt have time for lunchtime exercise anymore. 

November

Technically there was a lockdown but it felt no different because everyone was still in school and work, I dont think people even tried this time. 

The election, refreshing the results constantly. I fully expected a T win and was happy when he didnt but still disappointed at how close it was, as was everyone 

I bought my first Christmas tree and my own decs. Christmas shopping obvs. 

I downloaded Tiktok and started to question far too much about my identity. its ongoing. 

Most important was SUPERNATURAL. I had alot of feelings, it was an absolute rollercoaster my god. What a time to be alive that was. 

A couple of outside coffees in the park which is always nice. I went to a new friend’s house for tea and met their dog, also nice. 

I did a SV for the first time in a very long time and it reminded me of everything I used to hate about my old job, so happy to have left there

Test weekend taking the cat to stay with the family dogs, she did great, shes a champ

December

Pretty standard Christmas month. Had a christmas movie night with themed snacks and hot chocolate with one friend. Had another friend come for the day to do the same - first time I had seen her in a year after 3 cancellations, that was very lovely

Constant restriction changes and crappy government pissing me off but it didnt affect my plans luckily

All the Tier 2, Face Hands Space signs feeling very dystopian

Brother’s 30th plans got cancelled coz COVID. Back up NYE plans got cancelled got COVID. Actual NYE was fine tho the normal show/song/crowd was cancelled coz of course COVID 

OVERALL

Not so good shit

I mean the whole thing in general yknow

Alot of plans couldn’t go ahead - various groups I wanted to join, a new gym, more nights out with more people, more chances to meet new people ETC

My diet has been an inconsistet shit show BUT TFB there were months where you couldnt predict what was going to be on the shelves, you couldnt get orders and the whole world felt so pointless and dark like why even care about that shit yknow

My exercise also wasnt consistent though I dont feel too bad about it. I was always doing something I feel like even if it was just walking

Ive ended the year with the same amount of savings I started with which isnt exactly bad since I moved and furnished a flat and got a new pet but it isnt great

I hate WFH with a burning passion and im worried the world has accepted that as a new normal and im not okay with it

None of this shit is over yknow

Just a general hopelessness is the face of big world things yknow. Theres really nothing we can do about it, just gotta ride that wave and vote when ya can

No travel - I had such plans!!

Good shit

My new fur baby who I love and adore beyond sanity

Starting a good job in a great city with lovely people

Growing so much in confidence because Fuck it, everything is pointless anyway and theres no point in planning or caring so imma just do me

Exploring so much of who I am through new relationships, my own environment, little things like exploring my style, picking up old hobbies, trying new routines and habits

Strengthening some friendships and maintaining others despite the insane obstacles

Maintaining a positive relationship with My Mum in particular, and my whole family

Trying new things in my new city. Still managing nights out, a somewhat proper birthday and a short trip

No actual mental breakdowns which this year feels like a win. My mental health is actually in such a better place then it was this time last year. The job was killing me, thank fuck I got out when I did 

I redid more then 1 30 day programs and did 2 straight months of weights 

My family, friends and I are all safe and well 

Music of the year:

Hamilton

An awful lot of Panic! 

Anyone - DL

Partition (idk dont question me)

Basically alot of drama while trying to hold on to both my emo and club days - fuck I miss clubbing yall. I dont even like clubbing. 

Media of the year:

I should acknowledge Shameless even though I came full circle on it and have now fully abandoned the whole thing and prefer my own AU where Milkoviches get what they deserve 

Schitts Creek

Supernatural 

Hamilton obvs

Marvel technically, it was alot of hours

Staged

Derry Girls

Pose

The Old Guard

Pride - which is not new but we watched it on Christmas eve and I cried in my mums lap okay 

Ship of the year has to be Destiel I mean standing ovation for that rage inciting moment followed by a solid month of absolute chaotic good, it was glorious in its destruction. 

2021 INTENTIONS TO FOLLOW