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notyourmamasdeerbat · 2 days ago

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WIP Weekday!

Thank you, @spinfins for the tag. Lovely to hear from you, as always, I'm afraid I have very little to show except some of the ending of Chapter 5 of Carry the Dagger! It's almost there. I swear it. I'm coughing blood and it's punching my lights out but by the Maker if I don't crank this fucker out by the end of the week. Rook lore, mild angst and messy handwriting under the cut!

“A message for you, dweller.” The Caretaker appeared in a flurry of blue light, disappearing as quickly as it had come as it handed Rook a thin stack of folded vellum.

Neve took one look at the correspondence and its traces of leaf rot and colorful ink and turned on her heel. “Goodnight, Rook. Try to get some rest.”

“You too,” the Veil Jumper murmured absently, frowning as they fanned out the missives in their hands as if to sort their unmarked exteriors.

Lucanis lingered for a moment in the shadow of the sanctum's stairwell, frowning. Rook cast him a slight smile. “Go. Rest. I appreciate your help today. If it is good news, you'll be the first to know.”

The assassin nodded once, gaze stalling hopefully first on the papers, then on Rook’s face, before his shoulders unwound and he flitted out the double doors into the courtyard.

Rook slumped into the tattered armchair by the shelf, the ruined artifact above casting shards of too bright light through the shadows around. They exhaled roughly, bracing themself, and began to read.

Rook-

I am sorry. Never before have I encountered possession as you have described. I do not know how to help your assassin. Keep vigilant. These things so seldom last long, and even rarer still do they end happily.

It is however gratifying to hold your words in hand. I can only wish you luck, and beg for your unerring support as it has been given us many times before. I will continue my studies when I have the time. I will consult with the spirits, the sylvans and the Lady Morrigan. Perhaps some kernel of knowledge remains unearthed.

Yours in hope, health, and deepest condolences,

Irelin

Rook’s heart clenched itself in a giant, nauseous fist. Bad news all around. Condolences. Rook didn't want condolences.

They turned the letter over. In a rough, sharp hand, there was more in paler ink. Like it had been left out in the sun for a time before being sent. The parchment rustled.

Rook. Don't do anything stupid.

-Strife

The Veil Jumper smiled grimly. It was unlike Strife to be so emotional. Affectionate, even. Rolling their eyes, they set aside the sheet of vellum to reveal the hastily sealed paper underneath. They pulled its edges upward until the thin layer of beeswax cracked, revealing the familiar flowing scrawl of red ink that made their stomach churn and their heart soar in tandem.

Hey Rook (I like the name. Suits you. Old dwarf had taste),

Thanks for checking in. Don't worry about me, I keep busy. Please for the love of the Maker, Andraste and whatever gods aren't actively trying to fuck us all collectively in the ass– be safe. Don't take risks for your possessed friend. (Don't be prickly, Irelin told me) Be cautious. Be careful, or I swear on the void I'll hop the next fucking ship to the Fade and beat your ass myself. Watch the skies for whatever dragon nonsense is happening. The world is not ready for another archdemon, but shit if we won't have to be. I'm ready. I think. For whatever's coming, my bow is drawn. I'm tired of waiting.

You seem to be running with the right crowd (still not sure. A possessed Antivan Crow? Really? Mythal'enaste, why can't you be normal?) Your detective sounds lovely, like she's got a good head on her shoulders. Listen to her.

Again, DON'T TAKE ANY STUPID RISKS.

Yes, I can hear you say it. “you're one to talk, lethallin”. Living Gods, shut up, would you?

And now you'll laugh.

And Rook did, just a little.

I'm safe here. Don't worry about me. I know I said it twice, but I want to drill it into your brain. Do not. Come looking. For me. It's just trouble, and I'm never working with Strife anymore anyway. They need your help more than I do. You were never great at transcribing. I've got Damari here. I know what we're both feeling, but in a pinch he'll have my back. He's an asshole, but he doesn't want me dead. Or you. Teresa says hello. Kassa misses you, even if she won't admit it.

Just don't I love you. Don't forget it. Be as strong as I know you can be. DON'T FORGET TO CALIBRATE ANY REFRACTION LENSES YOU FIND. You still suck at that. Ask Lutare for help. Tell her she's my hero. And tell Harding I said hello, and if she dies I'll fucking kill her. If you die I'll fucking kill her. I don't know, I'm doing a lot of killing lately. It helps.

Compassion keeps wandering where your tent used to be. It's been upset for days. Damari is working on it (ironic, I know. Prick.)

Keep me updated. You're in my prayers. The ones that work, anyway. Dareth shiral.

Your brother, until the end of days,

Revas.

Rook blinked away the tears gathering like molten glass in the corners of their eyes and cleared their throat, that familiar wound in their chest scraped raw and bloody. They set down the letters in their lap, taking a deep breath and closing their eyes to keep the tears from falling.

Ahahahaa it's fiiine. Don't ask questions! I won't give you any answers! :D (Genuinely your guess is as good as mine at this point) Soft tags for beloveds! Whatcha guys up to?

@draco-illius-noctis @andthekitchensinkao3 @fenrelmercar @nananarc @nevarrantorte @blackwall-my-tiny-husband @davrinsleftpectoral @hedwigoprah @jenn2d2 @sunny374940 🫶

#wip whenever #wip weekday #dragon age rook #coadi aldwir #carry the dagger #ao3fic #da veilguard fanfic

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velarisdusk · 2 months ago

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general overview!! - SJMxReader Week - 1k Apothecary Requests - 2 new series!!! (and hopefully another WoI) - ive got some stray reqs in my inbox. these wont necessarily be after all this, just whenever i get to them

all are gonna be scheduled to post @ 9PM EST! (except SJMxReader, that will be at 12pm EST) schedule below the cut (dates are subject to change i get busy sometimes believe it or not lmao)

Event: SJM x Reader Week (05/04 – 05/10) (acotar only bc im stilll reading tog and have not touched cc yet lmao) (05/04) — In the Absence of Snow | Rhysand x Reader (05/05) — The One Where Everybody Finds Out | Cassian x Reader (05/06) — The Force That Binds | Azriel x Reader (05/07) — Cracked Earth and Wilted Roses | Lucien x Reader (05/08) — On Strategic Withdrawal | Eris x Reader (05/09) — Breadcrumbs and Blossoms | Tamlin x Reader (05/10) — I've Got the Gift of One-Liners (and You've Got the Curse of Curves) | Azriel x Reader (WoI bonus fic)

(07/17) — The Darkness Carves Our Names into Eternity | Az x Reader Series

(07/28) — Something Like Truth | Therapist!Rhys x Reader Series (FINALLY AAAAAA)

#yall.........#is this proof enough of my love for u hm?#now listen #this is very ambitious #i recognize that and i hope yall can too #there may be some occurences of me posting a fic AFTER the date written here #life happens #it just so happens that RIGHT NOW i am not very busy #and have very misplaced optimism that it will stay that way for a while #so anyway.. very excited for all of this ive got some good stuff planned #OH ALSO #ABT TO HIT 1200 FOLLOWERS?????#YOU GUYSSSSS STOP ITTTT :")#thank you sooooo much <333 #crazy that im just starting the 1k celebration fics and im already at 200 more #i can only dramatically profess my love so many times before it starts to feel disingenuine lmao

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beeduoo · 1 year ago

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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins

#origins smp #i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo #otubbo #oranboo #beeduo fanart #i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY #DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM #IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h #ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its #been wayyyyyyy too long #BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise #bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop #yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really #wanted to share ok i love you bge #WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED #RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like #water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT #ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I #VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB #OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be #Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON #SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub #lic had to say.... ok Now bye

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termagax · 9 months ago

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re: "good girl" i think they say it once randomly as a joke and its just one of those things that gets him wayyy more than they expected it would. so now its their secret weapon and they use it very sparingly and every single time he gets super embarrassed about it but it works ill tell you what.

#HES MY PRINCESS IDEK.#i dont think it happens naturally all that much because theyre usually in the business of calling each other names and being mean #so i think this would just be a random night where theyre on top and just think it would be really funny. to yank on his leash and call him #a good girl after bullying him into doing something. and well i just think it would get him is all i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwwww #i havr a lot of thoughts on the matter but i will stop for now #but the tldr is that with each other they tend to switch frequently and are always fighting #so i think itd take someone else being in the picture for hog to even realize how much he likes being a good boy :3 #and i also dont think fish would be good at straightforward domming in the way he would want and they both know that #so its something he keeps between him and rat mostly. please dont ask me questions abt jrs sex life i have too many opinions on it #anyways. i think even tho fish knows theyd be bad at that they still feel left out so sometimes they go watch. they dont get anything out of #doing that theyre just sort of taking mental notes #all of this circles back to i think fish has always been the more sexually experienced of the two. and romantically.#i dont rlly think hog is a guy who dates i dont think hes ever been that and i dont think he made much time for hookups #(i think its cute if hes a virgin when they meet but 🤷 im not solid on it)#but i think for him hes just only ever fucked this one person and they do a LOT of stuff and it gets the job done so hes just never really #tried anything else. but. and again i have too many opinions on this but i think rat wouldnt be into their usual shteeze #i think hes a bit of a freak in his own way but the blood and weird anger issues is just not doing it for him most of the time #but i do think if given the opportunity he would LOVE to be The Boss for a little bit so i think he and hog can explore that together and it #will work out beautifully for them. this is great because i am not into strict d/s dynamics like that but i know in my heart that hoggy #would be. and i cant do that for him #again i think fish would be butthurt about this. mostly in a 'why didnt u tell me so we could try this :(' and he would go #'because you would suck at it and wouldnt like it' and they go oh. right. well im still mad #ANYWAYS. circling back. i think the good girl thing would be something fish knows that rat doesnt. and idk if theyd tell him or not #because i do think if they tell him he is using that for evil hog is going to be a good girl forever and ever. rat doesnt have the patience #to space it out the way fish does. which idk maybe thatd be good for hog he could work through some stuff...#but on the other hand i think its fun if they DONT tell him and just bust it out sometime when all 3 of them are doing the deed. or whatever #because again they mostly like how embarrassed he gets about it and i think he would be reallyyyy flustered by it #^ this is essentially part of my fantasy about spitroasting my beautiful wife until he cries just so everyone knows #idk i just think when he lets go of himself hed be a very cute and kind of needy subby bottom and i think hed be really easy to fluster #about it and i want it so bad

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ensoleils · 17 days ago

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the feeling of not being able to do anything right is pretty awful

#today was objectively good and i was very productive #but life is very scary and the small wins make it clear how scarily lame my life is right now #and how out of control i am and everything in my life is #and it’s all my fault which is amazing #i actually think i’m someone with a large zest for life and a lot of love to give friends or even a partner #and i just feel denied of any opportunity to embrace my adventurousness or show ppl love #since everyone wants it from someone else #even in employment it’s just the same in terms of denying that my person means anything #😣#i used to be so ambitious but i think college and post graduation made me rlly lose any confidence i had in myself #anyway i just feel like at my heart i am an ambitious and loving person who loves being busy and active and creative but all those parts #of me have been squashed out so thoroughly that the person i am right now #is just someone who wants to do nothing and be nowhere and see no one since none of it makes me happy and all of it makes me anxious #i just want to come back to myself #but i just don’t think it’s gonna happen…i’m not gonna get a job #or find a partner #or have a friend group #or ever be pain-free #or live somewhere besides my parents house #or ever get good at kendo or even play again probably #much less achieve my dreams of being a writer #these aren’t even crazy dreams most of my friends have at least two of these #but they’ve been so lost to me forever that logically can’t see it ever working out

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strohller27 · 3 months ago

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#after two nights of not being able to sleep very well #I’m just remembering what my most recent therapist said - and boy was he ever wrong #‘everything gets easier once you’re in your 30s’ does it? ‘yeah it’s like a switch flipping’#like. buddy I’ve been in my 30s for a few years now. just what is supposed to get easier exactly?#now you’re right. there *are* certain things I care less about. HOWEVER that doesn't mean everything's better/easier #like why make a claim that is absolutely impossible to back up #you had no idea what political bullshit was going to happen when I was smack dab in the middle of my 30s #you didn’t know what challenges I was going to face. so why did you say that?#were you just trying to make me feel better? or was it merely a reflection of the secure stability you found at 30 #which so many of my generation and gen Z-ers are going to be struggling to find for years?#were you just speaking from your place of priviledge as a cishet man #not knowing what us queers have to go through to find even a sliver of safe secure stability?#maybe don’t make promises that you can’t keep my guy.#although why am I surprised? I’ve been disappointed by such promises my whole life #‘get an education or you’ll never make any money’ okay I have a master’s degree and I’m struggling to find work #you didn’t know AI was going to take over the proofreading business did you #like people have got to stop pretending they know so much #my resolution this year is just to learn how to sit back and say #I don’t know shit about shit. I’ve been kept in the dark about some things and I just haven’t had the chance or desire to learn about other #so I’m going to look at the world with the wonder of a child and allow myself to be amazed by the joys I find in it #and to be analytical about the horrors that I find in it #I know only one thing: I know nothing. and neither do a lot of the people who are running their mouths off like they do #so it’s time to approach life like a scientist: i don’t know about this. i have theories that I can test.#if I find evidence that I’m on the right track then it doesn’t mean I know it all. it means I know what questions to ask next

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astradyke · 4 months ago

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oh no talking about my own life again? on my blog? i should be stoned

#delete later #i am sure this is just a slump and i don't need to overreact about it #but like. i think being So Busy with university and friends and orgs and all this stuff is like deterring me from d&p things #whcih si fine and also not entirely a consistent phenomena like i have been engaged with them loads generally right #but idk. day after the pod dropped + their last video i just so happened to have a derealization episode which. like.#fine. not relevant to you all but folks who know me closely know that being firmly planted in reality has never really been-#-how my brain has worked. kind of a classic post traumatic scenario right. and now i'm in a safe space so it's okay #but i was just kind of in the trenches and i was thinking about the video i had to watch and the fact that More Content was coming #and i feel a little plucked dry in my soul idk. like i'm excited but also i am so tired. and idk how i'll have the energy for it.#and smth about feeling very disattached from the world around you makes you get weird feelings about youtube idk #anyway! this isn't like a Thing i'll be okay but i did just kind of need to talk about it because it's weird #it's very unfortunate that my brain is so fucking insistent on constructing false realities for myself #but honestly? if i wasn't mentally ill would i have ever discovered d&p? much to think about #could write such a killer piece on dissociation & derealization but i got too many fucking wips bro. just entirely too much to unpack here

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crescentfool · 1 year ago

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i think loving things is a great thing!!! yay!!!! i just got hit with happy beams!! and you get happy beams too!!!

#lizzy speaks #I AM A SO VERY EMOTIONAL LIZZY #'what happened to them?' someone asks #just minding my own business and then i stumble across really pretty art on twitter and i feel like i've fallen down a staircase again #(the art was ry0m1na and im so. oh my god they're the most video game couple ever for me i think)#i say this all the time because it's true!!!! i think its so nice when there's something that makes one happy :D #i think i need to stare at the ceiling or something i love seeing people draw things that make them happy... their happiness reaches me!!!#anyway happy thursday everyone! or friday. its probably friday for most people. great job getting through the week!! keep going!! ur awesom #im sooo ohhhhhh i wish everyone a 'i hope you can connect with creative outlets and other things that make you happy'#i am not really in a drawing mood right now but it does not change that i am happy when other people are creating :D #also i saw the trailer for p3 from gameawards... oh i want to eat those animated cutscenes they look SO SO nice i cant wait for reload!#sobbs profusely i am full of love on this thursday and needed to get it out there somewhere

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johndonneswife · 1 year ago

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Ms. Venus pleasssse share your impeccable taste in the form of pinterest boards with the class, thank you. Also I miss your presence on Tumblr and I selfishly wish you had plans to come back to the fandom side of things but I’m wishing you the best from afar!!

i would totally share my beautiful boards with u if not for the fact that i had a full blown meltdown on pinterest abt yuri on ice and i have soooo many freaking yoi pins lmao and iiiit’s a lil mortifying actually. but i promise my wedding & fashion moodboards are 🤌🏻

#ngl i feel very detached from louis right now #like. nothing happened. i just don’t feel much of anything lately #towards him/the fandom #i’m also at a point in my career where i’m honestly just so very busy all the time and between that & other life stuff #i just…don’t have it in me to care right now #i will always love him and his music but my bar for caring about celebrities is low atm too #plus i want to be more present in my own very short very precious very beautiful life #and i’ve put things aside / ignored things for the sake of fandom too much (like…my whole life. not just related to louis)#i don’t want to do that anymore / am trying my best to grow as a person and get out of my comfort zone so growth can actually happen etc #anyway all this to say i’m here sometimes but i’ve taken a big step back and im okay with that #i don’t have the emotional capacity to focus on much more than my own life right now. which is good! i think lol #alsoooo. i think if you have a platform of any kind and are not using it to talk about the horrors happening in palestine…#again my bar for Celebrity™️ is low and i’m starting to think #we need to start hunting the rich and famous for sport maybe #starting with elon musk #anyway. thank you for your nice words. i am keeping a low profile but i check tumblr at least once a day lol 🫡#🥰🥰🥰

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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...

#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose #very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body #so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with #energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we #can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like #losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my #ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things #less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out #but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional #range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes #so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like #oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to #understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have #to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make #me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain #fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like #lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes #me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs #will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u #plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im #trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying #to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me #more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something #how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at #first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into #academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u #gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer #then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement #well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw #unrelated

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icewindandboringhorror · 11 months ago

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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...

#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we #enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing #seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you #have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it #actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove #certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple #talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t #edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more #of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is #it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much #to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on #cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the #deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more #cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play #any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods #and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think #about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som #cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o #something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my #hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for #weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar #estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh #.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj

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abyssembraced · 2 years ago

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I'm hesitant to outright promise anything, but I'm hoping to get to my owed replies sometime soon? At least the ones I owe for Ghost, anyway.

I'm also open to plot new threads for either Ghost or Rouxls! Admittedly, I'm not sure how much time I'll have to sit down and Discuss things this week, mind you, but I'm willing to give it a shot! Finishing my currently owed replies will have to take priority over writing any new starters or replies for new threads, though, since I've owed them for a frankly ridiculous amount of time and I feel really bad for putting them off for so long, but plotting and planning stuff is good!

#ooc #((i only have two owed replies for ghost))#((so the ''replying to old threads has to take priority over starting new ones right now'' isn't That big of a thing))#((aside from the fact that i am Very Very slow with writing))#((but yeah. ough. really didn't mean to let my threads sit for this long))#((during the school year it was fine since i was busy with uni but i've been on summer break for a couple months now dgdhsh))#((it's not even that i don't know how to reply. i have ideas and plans!! it's just a matter of sitting down and actually Writing))#((i guess it's because i expect my replies to end up being pretty long. so i expect them to take a long time to write))#((and that makes me hesitant to start writing and then i end up procrastinating for months :l ))#((the same thing has been happening with my more important headcanon posts for ghost and rouxls' bio page))#((since i expect them to be long and thus take a lot of time to write out))#((although those also have the added thing of ''if i'm going to write something long then it should be a reply to a thread''))#((anyway. i've been rambling fhdgshfs))#((plotting! feel free to message me if you wanna do that!))#((i can't guarantee i'll be online consistently but we could probably make things work))#((plus i tend to write fairly long messages when i'm coming up with ideas so there would be longish waits in between my messages regardless)#((dgdgshf))

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microwavestim · 2 days ago

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i am going to kill myself

#idek how to tag. on account of the emptiness ://#im sure if i keep going here ill get something out #college is so fucking gay tbh... bc why am i sitting in the lobby of my dorm #its raining so i cant sit outside and i cant crash out in my room bc i have a roommate and our neighbors r fucking and i dont wanna hear it!#idk im just confused #this isnt something i should be going to tumblr for i should be talking to my bsf about what just happened #im aware of this #but shes mad at me so now she isnt responding and i dont wanna piss her off more #all joking and fun until i tell her im tired and busy and cant call her and now we wanna get all serious and shit #blaming it on me trying to make me feel bad like i even knew i did anything wrong #idk everything in me wants to sob and fall to the floor and claw at her legs and scream that im sorry and beg for forgiveness #but tbh! idek what i did wrong. responses are going on that are very much conditioned and idk how to feel about that #thats a lie i feel bad!#i want to kill myself!#why has everything been so bad lately #anxiety been so high i can taste that sour sting of fear on my tongue every two seconds #so bad my vision is blacking out and going spotty and all over what? bc i had work in like half an hour #it is never ever EVER that serious #and it isnt right now its just not #except it is and i should be having a crashout of biblical proportions rn but alas. communal living.#whatever im starting to cry i really cant be caught lacking rn #┈ ✴ ﹙rambling﹚

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anxiously-going · 1 month ago

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#i should update my instagram about the paintings i added to my shop and that ive marked down all of my paintings as well #but alas #im busy being once more absolutely devastated that my mom who supposedly had supposedly supported this endeavor #wont create a free account to look at my art #and im trying to be understanding because like yeah #im tired of everything wanting me to create an account as well im also sick of apps and profiles and all those things #i understand it's a hassle but i thought you wanted to see i thought you supported me i thought you cared about my art #some how seeing evidence of that lack of support makes it more embarrassing that part of the reason im doing the sale is because #i havent actually made any sales on my shop yet #i know im having a bit of a depressive episode and im trying to hold on through it #but i have thought so many times today that i should just delete my shops and instagram #ive had likes and saves and im trying to hold on to that but it is so hard to do when nothing is happening #the likes and favorites and saves all feel sp meaningless because nothing is coming from them #i love the things i have made but they all feel so worthless right now like no one sees any worth or merit or beauty in them but me #i know im very unwell right now i know that i am but its really eating at me tonight and i dont know how much longer i can be hopefully #about anyone caring about my art especially when my own family apparently cannot be bothered to take a few extra steps to look at that damn #little shop. something i was so proud of when i first found the courage to set it up something i sat by eagerly awaiting the email to say it #was approved and be given my own little space. i was so scared and so proud and now im just overwhelmed and sad because nothing has come of #it and when she asked about it my mom couldnt be bothered to take a few extra steps to look at it.#there is worth and beautiful is the stupid paintings i made and it breaks my heart a little that no one else seems to see that #i dont think my parents will ever be proud of me for being an artist but goddamn i wish i could at least be proud of myself for it

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onrainynights · 4 months ago

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🕯️manifesting my promotion🕯️

#ack it would just be. so incredible for my life. not only would it be a full time job I could do sustainably without being in pain #but I know I like the company and get along ok with my coworkers (and certainly am capable of playing nice when I don't)#and I make the most sense as a candidate. I really do. the only point against me is I don't have my licence yet #but my driving test is 9 days away and I'm not very worried about whether or not I'll pass it #I just. please let this happen. this would let me have an actual career and a job I could live on. I'd have financial independence #for the first time in my life #plus I'd be making more money than I ever have in my life and it would give me management experience #so if it doesn't work out for whatever reason I'd be able to get other management-level jobs #but I hope it would work out because again I really like the company and id rather stay there than work for a bigger company #like could I probably get a management job at like walmart or a fast food place? yes. but I wouldn't want to lol #but yeah I'd go from $11/hr to $17.50/hr and I'd work about 22 more hours per week #plus I'd get bonuses and paid vacation days and all of that which would be very nice #apparently there's a $4k sign on bonus for the position too (bc they've had such a hard time filling it if I had to guess)#so I'd have that to look forward to whenever it got paid out. Just generally I'd be in a much much better financial situation #and so would my whole family #right now my income makes a big difference and I'm only making like $500/month rn #so if I was making over $2000/month? my parents would be so much less stressed #idk I've just felt more fulfilled at this job than I ever have before and I feel like I belong at this company honestly #like as far as part time jobs go I got extremely lucky. it's a very lax culture where as long as your tasks get done #they don't care if you spend half your shift on your phone. there's no meaningless busy work #I'm allowed to sit when I want to and I'm very mobile otherwise and it's great for my pain #I'm in very minor pain at this job. less pain than high school caused me in terms of physical demand on my body #I can see myself being able to build an actual career at this company. and considering I spent most of last year struggling #to find employment at all? and then spent a few months in my own personal hell? the possibility that this might really happen is incredible #I've built so much confidence at this job in only 3 months and I would not have even thought myself capable of management a year ago #it's incredible what being surrounded by people who treat you like a competent adult person can do for your self-image #(you will see yourself as a competent adult person actually. crazy how that works)

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doublesidedgemini · 10 months ago

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Part of the reason I started crying more was bc I was trying to plan a hang out with my bf but he texted me back and said he has to do this and that and this today

And then he sent another text and said I can text him when I’m ready and he’ll let me know what he’s up to and then I can decide if I want to come over

Yesterday he said something similar, “I’m welcome to come over if i want…”

At least today he texted me that he’s sorry he’s been so short on time BUT then he followed it up with “but I HAVE to do these things”

Which like I get it he’s extremely busy rn. But I texted him at the beginning of the weekend I had a lot of work to do as well if he wanted to be work buddies this weekend — didn’t acknowledge that. Then never texted me beforehand trying to set up time for us to work together, it’s always been a “I’m doing xyz and you can tag along if you want”

I told him he can just do what he needs to do today, which is what I told him yesterday. I haven’t seen him since last Saturday. This is the first week since we’ve started dating where I haven’t seen him and it feels really terribly bad :(

#I know I’m being like kind of petty but it also feels DISGUSTING to me #to tell him oh yeah okay I’ll come squeeze myself into your busy schedule when you happen to have a second to have me tag along #like…. I have plenty of shit of my own to do but I WANT !!!! to!!! see!!!! you!!!!#if you don’t WANT to see me you don’t have to #it feels like he knows that *i* want to hang out so he’s like ok you can come see me if you want to #which is very different from:#you are a person who’s company I enjoy and want to be around I’m just really busy right now but we can spend a little bit of time together #or let’s coordinate or busy schedules and make time to work together #like he didn’t even try to reach out just went along on his own agenda and if I happen to fit in then fine #I feel like I can adapt myself so well to other people to fit them into my life but they never do the same for me #so maybe this situation seems really minor but I thought I found someone finally who was THOUGHTFUL of others #I mean like PURPOSEFULLY thoughtful #so I’m probably being triggered by a lot of past experiences right now #typing this all out I fully recognize that I am a NUT and he can probably tell and is going to leave me over it #I’m 29 years old why am I this upset that my bf is busy for ONE weekend lol #I need to be shot between the eyes

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