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brunchable · 2 months ago

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Love Child | Steve Rogers × f!Reader.

Words: 7.1K Themes: ANGST, betrayal of trust, break-up. Twigger Warning: Panic attack. Summary: You find out that Steve has a child, and the problem was, you weren't the mother. A/N: Read it if you want to hurt. I woke up and chose emotional damage LMAO. Today I am brave enough to post a Steve angst with no happy ending, I have been stalling but eh. A/N: Also I need to organize who wants to get tagged for ALL of my Steve Rogers fic. I am in a mess here, so if I am not tagging you, that's the reason.

Tags: @mrsevans90 @haruvalentine4321

You stared at the letter in your hands, the words blurring as tears welled in your eyes. Your chest tightened, the walls of the room closing in on you. The world tilted and spun, a sharp pain cutting through your heart as if it had been pierced by a dagger you never saw coming.

The paper crumpled in your hand as the weight of the revelation crushed you. Steve has a child. And the mother was Sharon.

A ragged breath escaped you, your body trembling as you stumbled back, gripping the edge of the counter to keep yourself upright. How long? The question echoed in your mind, over and over again.

How long had Steve kept this from you? How long had he looked you in the eyes, told you he loved you, and hidden this secret?

The door creaked open, and you turned, your heart already in tatters, your hands gripping the countertop so hard your knuckles turned white. Steve walked in, his expression soft, unaware of the storm raging within you.

He froze when he saw your face—your red-rimmed eyes, your trembling body. His gaze dropped to the letter in your hand, and in an instant, you saw the recognition hit him hard.

“Y/N,” he began, his voice careful, cautious, like he knew he was stepping into dangerous territory.

“You—” Your voice cracked, but you forced the words out, the pain burning through your chest. “You have a child?”

Steve’s face paled. He opened his mouth, but you didn’t give him a chance to speak.

“No. You don’t get to talk right now,” you spat, your voice shaking with barely controlled fury. “How long were you planning to hide this from me, Steve?”

“Y/N, it’s not what you think—”

You laughed, the sound bitter. “Not what I think? Steve, you have a child with Sharon. A child. And you didn’t think I had the right to know?”

His jaw tightened, guilt flickering across his face, but it wasn’t enough. Nothing he could say now would ever be enough.

“How long?” you demanded, your voice rising. “How long have you known?”

He hesitated, and that hesitation was like another stab to your already bleeding heart.

“Three years,” he whispered, barely able to meet your eyes.

You froze. “Three years?”

It felt like the ground had been ripped out from under you, the air knocked from your lungs. You took a step back, trying to keep yourself from falling apart completely.

“Three years, Steve?” you repeated, your voice soft but trembling with every word. “You’ve known for three years, and you didn’t tell me? You didn’t think that I should know that the man I love has a child?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you,” Steve started, stepping forward, but you recoiled from him, shaking your head.

“That’s your excuse?” you said, incredulous. “You didn’t know how to tell me? So you just decided not to? Did you think I wouldn’t find out? Did you think this would never come up?”

Steve’s face twisted in pain, but you couldn’t stop. The dam had broken, and all the hurt, the betrayal, poured out of you like a flood.

“Do you have any idea what that feels like? To find out like this?” You threw the crumpled letter at his chest, your voice breaking as the tears spilled over. “I’ve stood by you through everything. I’ve defended you when everyone else doubted you. I’ve fought for us. I trusted you with everything—and you kept this from me?”

“Y/N, please,” Steve pleaded, his voice cracking. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You didn’t want to hurt me?” you repeated, your voice trembling with disbelief. “Well, guess what, Steve? You did. You hurt me more than anyone ever has. You kept this secret from me, and now I don’t even know who you are.”

He took another step closer, desperation etched into every line of his face. “I didn’t love Sharon. It wasn’t—”

“I don’t care about Sharon!” you shouted with a bite, cutting him off. “I care about the fact that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. I care about the fact that you’ve looked me in the eyes, slept beside me, told me you loved me—all while hiding this.”

Steve’s lips parted, but no words came out. And in that silence, something inside you shattered.

“I loved you, Steve,” you whispered, the tears flowing freely now, no longer caring to hold them back. “I loved you more than anything. But now? Now all I feel is… hollow.”

He flinched as if the word struck him deeply, but it didn’t stop you.

“You had a choice, Steve. You could have trusted me. You could have told me the truth. But instead, you chose to keep me in the dark. You chose to lie. And now?” Your voice broke again, the weight of your words settling in the air between you. “Now, I don’t even know if I can ever forgive you for that—”

“Oh my God! Will you let me explain?!” Steve exploded, his voice shaking the walls. He stepped forward, fists clenched, his entire body vibrating with anger. “You keep going on and on, like I wanted this to happen! You think I wanted to hide this from you? You don’t even know what it was like!”

Your head snapped back, and your voice matched his fury. “I don’t know what it was like? I’m the one who’s been fooled! For three years! You kept this massive secret from me, and now I’m the one who doesn’t understand?”

“Yeah, you don’t!” he shot back, stepping closer, the space between you charged, toxic. “You have no idea what it was like carrying that around. Every day, wondering if telling you would blow everything apart!”

“Well, guess what?” you yelled, voice rising as your hands trembled at your sides. “You didn’t have to wonder, Steve. Because it’s blown apart now!”

Steve’s jaw clenched so tightly it looked like it might shatter. “I didn’t lie, Y/N. I didn’t know about the kid until after we were already together!”

“You lied by not telling me when you found out!” you screamed, your chest heaving with the effort. “You made me believe there were no secrets between us, and all this time, you’ve been hiding something so huge! You have a child! A whole other life with Sharon!”

“It’s not a life!” Steve roared, his voice breaking under the weight of his anger. “It was a mistake! Something I never wanted in the first place!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me? Why did you hide it? Were you too much of a coward to be honest with me?” Your words hit like daggers, your chest burning from the emotional wreckage piling up between you.

Steve’s face twisted into something hard, something darker. “Coward? Coward? You want to talk about being a coward? How about the time you lied to me?”

Your breath hitched, your eyes narrowing in confusion and shock. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” he spat, his voice venomous. “You remember that night you said you were out with Nat, but really, you were meeting with Bucky behind my back. You lied to me about that. Don’t act like you’re innocent here.”

“That’s not the same thing!” you snapped, shaking your head as you stepped closer, your heart hammering in your chest. “I didn’t lie about having a whole ass child, Steve! There’s a pretty huge difference!”

Steve let out a bitter, angry laugh, running his hands through his hair. “No, it’s not the same, but you still lied. You lied because you didn’t want to deal with my reaction, just like I didn’t want to deal with this.”

“I lied about a mission! A mission. Not something that would change everything between us. Don’t you dare try to make this about me when you’re the one who’s been hiding a child for years!”

“You’re so self-righteous,” Steve snapped, his voice full of heat, his chest rising and falling with the force of his anger. “You act like you’re perfect, like you’ve never made a mistake. You’re so focused on my screw-ups, but you don’t even see your own.”

Your mouth dropped open, the words barely able to form as you stared at him in disbelief. “You’re trying to make this my fault? You’re actually blaming me for this?”

Steve’s eyes blazed as he stepped forward, his voice low, seething. “I’m saying you act like you’re the only one who’s hurt here. Like you’re the only one who has a right to be angry. But guess what, Y/N? I’m angry too. I’m angry that I had to carry this weight alone because I didn’t know how to tell you without you tearing me apart for it.”

“You chose that!” you shot back, your voice shaking with fury. “You chose to keep this from me, Steve. Don’t try to make it seem like I forced your hand. You had every chance to be honest, and you didn’t. That’s on you.”

“Of course, it’s on me!” Steve shouted, throwing his hands in the air. “But you act like I’m the only one who’s ever messed up, like your lies don’t count. Like your secrets are somehow better.”

You felt your chest tighten, the tears of rage building again behind your eyes. “You have no right to stand there and compare this to anything I’ve done. You hid a child from me, Steve. Do you even get how massive that is? You took away my right to know.”

“I know!” he yelled, his voice breaking. “I know I fucked up. I know I should’ve told you, but I was scared, okay? I was scared of what it would do to us.”

“And now look at us,” you whispered, the words filled with raw pain. “It’s worse. It’s so much worse because you waited. Because you lied.”

Steve took a deep breath, his voice softening but still tinged with anger. “I didn’t want to hurt you. That’s why I didn’t tell you.”

“But you did,” you said, your voice breaking. “You hurt me more than you can imagine. And the worst part is, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at you the same way again.”

Steve’s shoulders sagged, the fight draining out of him as the weight of your words settled between you. “Y/N…”

You shook your head, stepping back, the tears spilling over now, hot and fast. “You broke us, Steve.”

“I know,” he whispered, his voice small, broken. But it wasn’t enough. Nothing would ever be enough to fix this.

“I hope it was worth it,” you spat, turning your back on Steve as you stormed toward the stairs. The anger radiated off you, the floor trembling beneath your footsteps as you ascended.

“Y/N—where are you going? What are you doing?” Steve called after you, his voice still thick with frustration and desperation. You didn’t turn back, didn’t even acknowledge him as your heart pounded violently in your chest.

Your feet carried you faster, the distance between you and Steve becoming a chasm you knew neither of you could cross again. You reached the bedroom, flinging the closet doors open with a sharp tug. Your hands shook as you grabbed your suitcase, throwing it onto the bed with a loud thud.

“Y/N, stop!” Steve’s voice was closer now, frantic as he followed you up the stairs, his boots heavy on the hardwood floor. “What are you doing?”

But you kept your back to him, ignoring the pleading edge to his voice as you tore clothes from hangers, shoving them into the suitcase with reckless abandon.

“Y/N—talk to me!” Steve’s voice was sharp, almost panicked now, but you couldn’t stop. You wouldn’t stop.

The closet was a blur of motion as you threw more and more into your bag, your breath coming out in ragged gasps as you fought to keep from sobbing. You had to focus, had to keep moving, because if you stopped—if you stopped for even one second—you knew you’d break completely.

“Where are you going?” Steve demanded, his voice breaking as he grabbed your arm, forcing you to face him. “What are you doing, Y/N?”

Your eyes snapped up to his, blazing with fury. You ripped your arm out of his grasp, your voice dripping with venom. “I’m leaving, Steve. What does it look like I’m doing?”

He blinked, stunned by your words, his hands falling to his sides. “You’re not… You can’t just—”

“I can,” you cut him off, zipping up the half-packed suitcase with a sharp tug. “And I will.”

He stared at you, his chest rising and falling with heavy, uneven breaths. “You’re just going to walk away? After everything?”

You whirled on him, your eyes flashing. “What else do you want me to do, Steve? Stay? Pretend like everything’s fine? You betrayed me.”

You shook your head, grabbing another handful of clothes and shoving them into the suitcase. “I can’t do that.”

Steve ran a hand through his hair, his voice filled with a desperate edge. “I made a mistake, Y/N! I know I did. But you can’t just throw everything away like this.”

“You threw it away,” you snapped, your voice rising again, your hands trembling as you yanked open the dresser. “The second you decided to lie to me, you threw us away.”

His hand slammed against the dresser, stopping your frantic movements, his voice breaking with emotion.

“I didn’t want to lose you!”

You froze, your fingers gripping the edge of the drawer, your heart pounding in your ears.

“Well, congratulations, Steve,” you whispered, your voice raw and ragged. “You lost me anyway.”

You pulled away from him, resuming your packing with a fury, trying to shove everything into the suitcase as quickly as possible. You couldn’t stay here any longer—not with him, not after everything.

“Y/N, please,” Steve’s voice cracked, and for the first time, you heard the fear beneath the anger. “Don’t do this. We can fix this.”

You snapped the suitcase shut, turning to face him one last time, your throat burning as you fought so hard not to break down in front of him. “We can’t fix this, Steve. You broke it. You broke us. And I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.”

His face crumpled, the pain in his eyes matching the hollow ache in your chest. “I love you, Y/N.”

You swallowed hard, the words catching in your throat as you turned away from him, grabbing your suitcase and pulling it off the bed.

“I wish that was enough,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him.

Steve took a step forward, his hand reaching out as if he could pull you back, but you were already gone. Already walking toward the door, the weight of everything crashing down around you.

You didn’t look back as you left, didn’t let yourself see the devastation on his face. Because if you did—if you saw the hurt in his eyes—you might have broken completely.

× × × ×

The rain hammered against the windshield, streaking in endless lines, distorting the world outside as you drove aimlessly through the storm. The wipers struggled to keep up, but it didn’t matter—you could barely see through the blur of tears clouding your vision.

Your hands gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white as your chest heaved with shallow, uneven breaths. The weight of everything was too much—the anger, the betrayal, the unbearable ache in your heart. It felt like your whole world had collapsed in a single moment, and now you were drowning in the wreckage.

You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t think.

With a sharp jerk, you pulled the car to the side of the road, the tires skidding slightly on the wet pavement. The sound of the blinker clicked furiously in the sudden stillness, an incessant reminder of the chaos swirling inside you.

And then, the dam broke.

A sob ripped from your throat, deep and raw, shaking your entire body as you collapsed forward, your head falling against the steering wheel. The tears came in a rush, uncontrollable and violent, each breath harder to take than the last. You gasped, but no air came—just the suffocating weight of your own grief, crashing over you like a tidal wave.

Your chest ached, a sharp, stabbing pain that radiated through your ribs, like something inside you was breaking apart, splintering under the pressure. You tried to breathe, but the sobs came too fast, too strong, wrenching your body with each convulsion.

It felt like your heart was being crushed, squeezed until it couldn’t beat anymore. You pressed a hand to your chest, desperate, coughing between sobs as you tried to force the air back into your lungs. But it wouldn’t come.

You were drowning.

The sound of the blinker ticked steadily in the background, but all you could hear was your own ragged breathing, the gasps for air that never came, the broken cries that tore from your throat.

You couldn’t stop.

The tears burned as they fell, hot and endless, but you didn’t wipe them away. You couldn’t. Your body was shaking, your chest so tight it felt like you were being crushed from the inside. Every sob sent fresh waves of pain through you—pain so deep it felt like your heart was being ripped apart.

You heaved, gasping, your hand clutching your chest as though you could somehow hold yourself together. But you couldn’t. Everything inside you was breaking, crumbling under the weight of the agony that consumed you.

You coughed, your throat raw from the sobs, the pressure in your chest building until it felt like you might burst. You wanted it to stop—needed it to stop—but the pain only deepened, settling into every corner of your body, pressing down harder with every breath you couldn’t take.

You screamed then, the sound tearing through the car, harsh and guttural, a cry that came from somewhere deep inside—the part of you that had been shattered beyond repair. It filled the space, mingling with the sound of the rain and the steady tick of the blinker, a scream of pure, unfiltered anguish.

And still, the tears came.

It felt like hours before the sobs began to slow, before the heaving breaths turned into shallow gasps, your body trembling from the exertion. But the pain remained—a deep, aching wound that throbbed in your chest, a constant reminder that everything you had was gone.

Your hands shook as you wiped your eyes, though the tears wouldn’t stop completely. You leaned back in the seat, staring blankly out at the rain-soaked world, feeling empty. Hollow.

And as the blinker continued to tick, the world outside was nothing but a blur of rain and darkness, you realized you didn’t know how to pick up the pieces of what was left of you.

Your fingers trembled as you reached for your phone, the weight of it heavy in your palm, the screen blurred by the tears still streaming down your face. Every part of you ached—your chest tight, your breath shaky, the sobs still threatening to break free. You could barely see through the haze of grief, but you needed someone. Needed someone to pull you out of this spiral before it swallowed you whole.

With a shaking hand, you scrolled through your contacts, and your thumb hovered over her name—Nat. The one person who had always been there, who wouldn’t ask too many questions, who would understand with just a single word.

The ringing felt like it stretched on forever, each second punctuated by the relentless ticking of the blinker, the steady beat of rain against the windshield.

Finally, the call connected.

"Y/N?" Nat’s voice was soft.

You tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. A choked sob escaped you instead, and for a moment, you couldn’t breathe. You clutched the phone tighter, your other hand pressing hard against your chest, as though you could hold yourself together long enough to speak.

"Y/N?" Nat’s voice sharpened, filled with worry now. "What’s going on? Are you okay?"

"I—I can’t—" The words came out broken, shattered between sobs. You coughed, gasping for breath, trying to force out the words that felt stuck in your throat. "I can’t… breathe."

"Hey, hey, breathe." Nat’s voice softened, grounding you, pulling you out of the suffocating darkness. "Take a breath. What’s going on?"

You sucked in a breath, but it was jagged, painful. The tears wouldn’t stop, your chest still heaving, but Nat’s voice kept you tethered, kept you from spiraling further.

“It’s Steve,” you whispered, voice barely audible through the sobs. “He—he lied to me, Nat. About… everything.”

Silence on the other end. Nat didn’t press. She didn’t need to. She knew there was more, something deeper, something that had torn you apart from the inside out. And she waited.

“I left,” you managed to choke out, your fingers trembling as you gripped the steering wheel, knuckles white. “I just… I couldn’t… I couldn’t stay.”

“Where are you?” Nat asked, her voice calm, steady—a lifeline in the chaos.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, blinking through the blur of tears as you glanced out at the rain-soaked road. You didn’t even know where you had driven to—just away. Away from him, away from the lies, away from everything that had broken you.

“Okay,” Nat’s voice was soothing now, a steady rhythm against the sound of your sobs. “It’s going to be okay, Y/N. Just breathe, alright? I’m coming to get you. Just tell me where you are.”

You coughed, the pain in your chest still sharp, still suffocating. You pressed your forehead against the steering wheel, forcing yourself to take a shallow, shaky breath. “I’m… by the old bridge, off the main road.”

“I know where that is,” Nat said, her voice quick, decisive. “Stay there. Don’t move, okay? I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

You nodded, though she couldn’t see you, your hands still trembling as you pulled them away from the steering wheel. The exhaustion hit you then, hard and heavy, the adrenaline leaving you drained, hollow.

“Nat?” your voice cracked, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t… I don’t know how to… how to deal with this,” you admitted, your chest tightening again as the sobs threatened to resurface. “I don’t know if I can.”

Nat’s voice was soft, but firm. “You can. And you don’t have to do it alone. I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

The phone went silent, and for the first time in hours, you let out a breath that didn’t feel like it was tearing you apart.

She was coming.

× × × ×

The rain pounded against the car’s roof, each drop falling harder than the last. It was as if the sky itself had opened up, matching the storm raging inside you. Your hands were white-knuckled on the steering wheel, your chest still heaving from the sobs that had wracked your body. The air inside the car felt suffocating. The sound of the blinker—tick, tick, tick—was the only steady thing amidst the chaos of your breath and the downpour outside.

You couldn’t stop shaking.

When Nat’s car finally pulled up beside yours, you didn’t move. You couldn’t. The weight of your grief had pinned you to the seat, your body too exhausted to do anything but tremble. Her car door opened, and within seconds, she was there—ripping your passenger door open and sliding in without hesitation.

“Y/N.” Nat’s voice was soft, firm—grounding.

She didn’t ask questions. She didn’t need to. The look on her face said everything: she knew. She always knew when things were falling apart. Her hand gently rested on your shoulder, the touch comforting in its simplicity.

You tried to speak, but your throat burned, your chest too tight to form words. Another sob broke free instead, and Nat’s hand squeezed your shoulder gently, her presence steady even as your world seemed to collapse around you.

“You’re okay,” she whispered, her voice a soothing anchor. “We’ll get through this.”

But you weren’t okay.

From the corner of your eye, you saw movement just outside the car—Bucky. He stood there in the rain, his hair dripping wet, eyes shadowed with concern as he watched from a distance. He hadn’t stepped closer, hadn’t spoken, but you could feel the weight of his gaze. Like he wanted to be there for you, but wasn’t sure if he should.

The door on Nat’s side clicked as she spoke again, her voice a little more urgent now. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

Slowly, with her guidance, you unclenched your grip from the steering wheel and wiped at your face with shaking hands. Your body was so worn out that you could hardly feel the motion of it as you finally opened the door and stepped out into the rain. Nat was at your side instantly, holding an umbrella over you as she guided you toward her car.

Bucky was there, too, close but not too close, watching every step you took as if he was waiting—waiting for something to fall apart that he could help catch.

Nat opened the back door and gently helped you inside, her presence so calm, so steady, it nearly broke you all over again. “You’re safe now,” she murmured, tucking you in as if you were something fragile. “Just breathe, Y/N.”

You nodded, though your chest still felt like it was caving in. And then, in the middle of the downpour, you heard Bucky’s voice—low, hesitant—from behind Nat.

“I’ll drive her car back to the compound.”

Nat glanced over at him, “Yeah. Thanks.”

You could hear the shuffle of Bucky’s footsteps through the rain as he climbed into your car, the engine rumbling to life. And in that moment, you felt a strange tug of comfort—knowing he was there, that he was watching out for you, even from afar.

Nat slid into the driver’s seat beside you, her hand resting lightly on the gear shift. She turned her head just slightly, her gaze soft. “You’re not alone, Y/N.”

But as she pulled away from the curb, the rain still lashing against the windows, you couldn’t help but feel like part of you had been left behind in the storm—shattered and scattered, waiting to be pieced back together.

And when you glanced out the window, you saw Bucky’s figure in the distance, his eyes never leaving you as you disappeared into the rain.

× × × ×

Nat’s room was a cocoon of warmth compared to the cold, stormy world outside. The soft glow of the bedside lamp illuminated the space, casting long shadows that felt strangely comforting. You sat on the edge of the bed, your arms wrapped around yourself, the weight of everything still heavy on your shoulders. Nat was beside you, her hand resting gently on your knee, her presence steady, unwavering.

“Y/N,” she said softly, her voice laced with concern, “you’re going to get through this. I know it feels like everything’s falling apart right now, but you’re stronger than you think.”

You let out a shaky breath, nodding even though you didn’t entirely believe her. The weight in your chest made it hard to breathe, and it felt like no matter how many words of comfort she offered, the broken pieces of your heart would never fully heal. But Nat was there, and her words were like a balm, even if they couldn’t fully take the pain away.

“I don’t want to be here anymore,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. “I just… I want to get away. Far away.”

Nat’s hand tightened slightly on your knee, her expression understanding. “Where do you want to go?”

From the far side of the room, Bucky shifted, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, his face shadowed in the dim light. He hadn’t said much since they brought you back to the compound, but his presence was constant, like a silent protector.

“Where would you go?” Bucky asked quietly, his voice low but steady, cutting through the silence. His blue eyes met yours, calm, as if he’d follow you anywhere if it meant keeping you safe.

You hesitated for a moment, your heart still aching, but then—despite everything, despite the pain—a tiny smile tugged at the corner of your lips. “Switzerland.”

Nat’s eyebrows shot up, a small laugh escaping her lips despite the tension. “Switzerland?”

You shrugged, forcing a laugh of your own, though it was weak. “Yeah. I’ve always wanted to live there. You know… fresh air, the Alps, chocolate. All that good stuff.”

Bucky’s gaze softened, his arms dropping slightly as he watched you. His lips quirked into a faint smile, the kind that barely reached his eyes but still offered some kind of warmth.

“Switzerland, huh?” he said, his voice lighter, though you could still hear the worry beneath it. “Sounds like a solid plan.”

You nodded, trying to hold on to the fleeting moment of levity. “Yeah, I’ll just… disappear into the mountains. Maybe open a chocolate shop. Be a hermit or something.”

Nat let out a small chuckle, squeezing your knee gently. “Well, if you’re moving to Switzerland, I expect free chocolate for life.”

For a moment, the heaviness in the room lifted, the faint laughter between you, Nat, and Bucky providing a small reprieve from the storm inside. But it didn’t last long. The ache in your chest was still there, gnawing at you from the inside out.

“I just… I don’t know if I can stay here,” you whispered, your voice cracking again.

Nat pulled you into a soft hug, her arms wrapped around you as she rested her chin on your shoulder. “You don’t have to make any decisions right now. Just know that whatever you decide, we’re here for you.”

“Let’s go. We’ve got the Quinjet.” Bucky said casually.

You blinked, taken aback, your mind struggling to process if he was serious. “Wait… isn’t that illegal?”

Bucky’s smirk grew a little wider, his eyes glinting with mischief. “Not if you say you’re living in the Alps. No one will know.”

Nat chuckled beside you, shaking her head in disbelief. “Seriously, Buck?”

He shrugged, still leaning casually against the wall. “I’m just saying. You want to go to Switzerland, we can be there in a few hours.”

Despite the exhaustion weighing you down, you couldn’t help but laugh softly, a real one this time. The thought of disappearing into the mountains with Bucky and Nat—away from everything, even just for a moment—felt like a breath of fresh air in the midst of the chaos inside you.

Nat gave you a playful nudge. “See? Even Bucky’s ready to smuggle you out of here if you need it.”

“But I have to handle something first,” he added, his voice dropping slightly, that protective edge returning. “When I’m done, we’ll go.”

× × × ×

The night was dark, the rain having slowed to a light drizzle. Bucky stalked through the compound grounds, his mind racing, heart pounding with a mix of anger and frustration. He’d seen Steve’s name pop up on his phone—a heads-up that the man was on his way here. To see you.

And Bucky couldn’t let that happen. Not after everything Steve did.

Steve’s figure appeared through the mist, walking toward the compound with his usual purposeful stride, but the moment he caught sight of Bucky, his steps slowed.

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice was wary, confused.

“You’re not going in there.” Bucky stepped into his path, his face hard.

Steve frowned, his eyes narrowing. “What are you talking about? I need to see Y/N.”

“You’re not going near her.” Bucky’s jaw clenched, his hands curling into fists at his sides.

“She’s my girlfriend, Bucky. I have a right to talk to her.” Steve’s gaze darkened, his frustration mounting.

Bucky’s laugh was bitter, sharp. “Girlfriend? You lost that right the second you lied to her. The second you hurt her, you punk.”

Steve stepped forward, his voice low, angry. “This isn’t your place. I need to fix this. I need to talk to her.”

Bucky’s eyes flashed with fury, and for a moment, all the years of holding back, of stepping aside for Steve, bubbled to the surface. He moved closer, his voice low and dangerous.

“You don’t get it, do you? I gave up on Y/N for you. I stood back—for you—because I thought you’d take care of her. And now? Now you’ve gone and fucked her over.”

Steve’s face twisted in confusion, anger flashing in his eyes. “What are you talking about? Gave up? She’s never been—”

“She was,” Bucky snapped, cutting him off. “Before you even realized what you had, Steve, I was there. But I didn’t do anything because I thought she’d be better off with you. You were the golden boy, the hero. And now you’ve ruined her.”

Steve’s eyes widened in shock, his chest rising and falling with barely controlled breaths. “You’ve been in love with her this whole time?”

Bucky didn’t flinch. His voice was steady, hard. “Doesn’t matter now, does it? What matters is you hurt her, Steve. You don’t get to fix this on your terms.”

Steve’s fists clenched as he stepped forward, his face twisted with anger. “Move. This is between me and Y/N.”

“I’m not letting you through,” Bucky said, his eyes blazing, daring Steve to push him.

Steve’s frustration boiled over, and with a sharp movement, he shoved Bucky hard in the chest, trying to get past him. “Get out of my way, Bucky!”

Bucky stumbled barely, but he recovered almost immediately. The moment he regained his balance, he shoved Steve back with just as much force, his voice a low, angry growl.

“You’re not going anywhere near her!”

Steve snarled and came at Bucky again, this time grabbing him by the collar and pushing him against the doorframe. “I need to talk to her! You don’t get to decide!”

Bucky’s hands flew up, gripping Steve’s jacket as he shoved him back again, harder this time, their faces inches apart. “She doesn’t want to see you right now!”

Steve’s eyes flashed with desperatiom, and before either of them realized it, they were nose-to-nose, fists clenched, chests heaving, the tension dangerous.

“You think you’re the only one who cares about her?” Steve snapped, his voice low and venomous. “I love her.”

“And you’ve proven exactly what that means to you,” Bucky bit back, his voice filled with icy fury. “You’re not fixing this by charging in like you always do. She’s done with you.”

Steve let out a frustrated growl and swung his arm out, pushing Bucky off him. “You think I’m just supposed to walk away?”

Bucky shoved Steve back again, his grip tightening on Steve’s shirt, their faces just inches apart now. His voice was a low, dangerous growl. “You think stepping in now, after everything you’ve done, makes it better? She’s broken because of you. You did that, Steve. And I’m not letting you make it worse.”

Steve’s nostrils flared, his eyes dark with a mixture of anger and something deeper—guilt, maybe. His grip tightened on Bucky’s jacket as he squared up, their bodies tense, on the edge of an all-out brawl. “And what, you’re just going to sweep in? Take care of her? You think that’s what she needs right now?”

“I’m trying to keep her from getting hurt any more than she already has,” Bucky hissed, his voice barely more than a whisper now, his eyes locked on Steve’s. “She trusted you. She loved you. And you broke her. So yeah, I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you away from her until she’s ready to deal with you.”

Steve’s breath hitched, his voice sharp with frustration. “You think you’re better than me? You think you haven’t hurt her too?”

Bucky’s grip tightened as his eyes flashed dangerously. “I never lied to her. I never betrayed her.”

Steve let out a short, bitter laugh. “But you kept quiet, didn’t you? You stood there, watching, and said nothing. You let me take her, and now you’re pretending like you’re the hero. But the truth is, you were a coward then, and you’re still a coward now.”

Something snapped in Bucky at those words. His fist shot up, shoving Steve hard enough to slam him back into the doorframe with a loud thud, his chest heaving as he glared at his best friend with pure fury in his eyes. “You don’t get to talk to me about being a coward. I gave her up because I thought she’d be better off with you. But you ruined her, Steve.”

For a second, Steve’s eyes flashed with something close to regret, but the anger was still there, simmering beneath the surface. He stepped forward again, ready for whatever came next. “I didn’t know. I didn’t—”

“You never knew,” Bucky growled, pushing him back again, but this time it was more controlled, less of a full force shove and more of a warning. “You were too busy being the hero to see what was right in front of you.”

Steve took a deep breath, his hands still balled into fists, but something shifted between them—like they both realized, in that moment, that this fight wasn’t going to solve anything. Slowly, almost reluctantly, they both let go of each other, their chests still heaving with the remnants of the almost-fight that had just played out.

The tension between them lingered, thick and heavy in the air, but neither of them moved. They stood there, inches apart, breathing hard, their anger still simmering just beneath the surface.

“You don’t get to just walk in there and fix this,” Bucky said, his voice low but firm.

Steve took a step back, his face still tense with frustration and guilt. He didn’t say anything.

“Go home Steve.” Bucky insisted, “You’ve done enough.”

× × × ×

6 months later.

The scent of freshly brewed coffee curled in the air as you stepped out of the café, clutching the two steaming cups in your hands. The world seemed quieter here, like the city didn’t press in on you quite as much, even though you had only been back for a few days. Six months. Six months of distance, of trying to build yourself back up after being shattered into pieces.

You inhaled deeply, letting the cool breeze rush over you, easing some of the tension coiled tight in your chest.

And then—everything stopped.

From across the street, you felt it. The weight of someone’s gaze locking onto you. Slowly, you looked up, your heart skipping a beat, your body freezing in place.

Steve.

He stood there, as if time itself had conspired to bring this moment crashing down upon you. His face was frozen in shock, his hand mid-motion as the small boy next to him tugged on his sleeve, trying to get his attention. But Steve’s focus was entirely on you.

He looked the same—yet older, somehow, like the months had worn him down in ways you hadn’t expected. His eyes—those familiar blue eyes—locked onto yours, and the rest of the world fell away.

Your heart thundered in your ears, drowning out the city’s noise. All that existed was the look on his face—surprise, yes, but there was something else too. Regret. Pain. Questions he couldn’t voice.

You felt rooted to the spot, torn between the urge to run and the overwhelming need to hold your ground. You could see it in his eyes—he wanted to come closer, to ask where you had been, why you left, why you never told him. His hand gripped the boy’s shoulder like he needed something to tether him to the moment.

And then, with a jarring snap, the moment broke.

A warm arm slid around your waist, pulling you into a comforting embrace towards his body.

“Hey love,” Dane Whitman’s familiar British accent rumbled softly beside you, his lips brushing your temple as he pressed a gentle kiss there. “Got your ham and cheese croissant.”

The simple, easy intimacy of it would have been grounding—if not for the fact that you could feel Steve’s eyes still burning into you from across the street. You could sense him standing there, as if the world had collapsed around him. As if he was watching something slip away that he hadn’t even realized he was losing.

Dane’s brow furrowed as he noticed your tension, noticed the way you hadn’t responded, hadn’t even moved.

“Y/N?” he asked softly, leaning down slightly to meet your eyes. His arm tightened around your waist, pulling you closer.

When you didn’t answer, Dane followed your line of sight.

He stiffened.

You didn’t need to see his expression to know what was happening. The air between the three of you felt charged, heavy with unspoken words, with everything that had been left behind. Dane’s fingers flexed against your waist, a silent claim—a reassurance, or maybe a question he didn’t dare ask.

Because he knew who Steve was. And he knew exactly what seeing him again meant.

You could feel the tension roll through Dane’s body as he lifted his gaze from Steve back to you, his eyes softening. He didn’t ask, didn’t press. But his arm around you was both a comfort and a shield.

“Let’s go,” you whispered, your voice barely audible. You didn’t dare look back at Steve again. You couldn’t.

Dane gave a subtle nod, but his hold on you never faltered. He gently guided you down the street, his body leaning protectively into yours as if he could shield you from the weight of the past you were leaving behind.

But as you walked away, the image of Steve lingered. You could feel his eyes on you, burning into your back, watching as you disappeared from his reach once again. And even though you didn’t turn around, you knew—you knew—what he had seen.

You. Walking away.

With someone else.

The distance between you and Steve had always been a wound, one you had tried to heal in the months you were gone. But this? This felt like salt poured into an open cut, the sting of it sharper than you’d anticipated.

Because despite everything, despite the way your heart still aches from the cracks he had left, a part of you wondered—what if?

But the life you had returned to wasn’t the one you left. And as Dane’s arm tightened around your waist, grounding you in the present, you knew that the past—no matter how deeply it was woven into your soul—was behind you.

Even if it wasn’t behind Steve.

#steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers imagines #captain america x female reader #captain america x you #captain america x y/n #captain america smut #captain america imagines #steve rogers fanfiction #captain america fanfiction #captain america x reader #chris evans characters #steve rogers fic #steve rogers angst #captain america angst

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haveyouseenthisskeleton · 3 months ago

Note

To the fell skeletons, how would they feel when their own kid inherited their own temper/anger

Like father like child in other words lol

Underfell Sans - He's so annoyed about this sometimes because he's not very brave and that means his kid keeps fighting him during their teenage years and winning the arguments. Red has a déjà vu kind of impression because that's definitely how Edge was as a child. He's frustrated and wonders how the hell it could happened twice in his lifetime, but there's not a lot of things he can do against that so...

Underfell Papyrus - He was happy his child took him as a model... For the first week at least. After that, he doesn't think it's nice at all as his child constantly argues with him to do the simplest things and since Edge struggles to stay calm, it often turns with the both of them screaming. He kinda understands his brother now. Maybe he can see why Edge was so annoyed with him growing up.

Horrorfell Sans - He'll live. Copper is a lot more chill with everything, and more patient too. He knows his child is mostly anxious and pushing people away to protect himself, and maybe he's a little frustrated his child feels the need to hide their feelings now that he's finally learning to open to people. He keeps reassuring his child they don't need to hide.

Horrorfell Papyrus - Oh no, if it isn't his own sassiness coming to bite his butt. He can't believe his kid is confronting this like that, not caring one second for Chief's inevitable anger following. His kid just doesn't care. Chief has no idea how to deal with that and he doesn't have the patience for it, so most of the time, he gives up and let them be. What do you want him to do?

Swapfell Sans - That's entirely his fault, and he's willing to accept the consequences. Nox would mostly have an only child, and spoiled rot them to the point the kid thinks they're royalty and explodes when someone says no to them. Well, Nox is happy they don't let anyone walk on their feet... Except when his kid acts the same way with him lmao. That wasn't part of his plan. Now he's confused what to do.

Swapfell Papyrus - He created a monster. It's a mini-him, but with even fewer filters than he has. When his kid told Toriel he couldn't trust the dying hybrid of a cow and a goat, he felt so proud. And also kinda terrified because Toriel didn't like that at all. But that's fine. It's a family tradition. He did the same thing at 7 years old and almost got executed for this you know. Nox is desperate.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He doesn't discourage their behavior at all and makes it way worse actually. His kid thinks they rule the world and that everyone is one of his servants. They are terrifying most kids at school and claim propriety over half of the playground, fighting children who dare to disobey them. Wine is so proud of them. Show them who's their leader.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Coffee didn't mean to give them his anxiety but turns out he kinda feed his baby with anxiety their whole life so... Coffee isn't sure how he can help with that. Because just thinking about this kinda send him into a panic attack and then his kid has a panic attack because he has a panic attack which makes him panic even more. Please someone help them.

Dancefell Sans - Rumba taught them well: when there's danger, throw your dad into the danger and run for your life. Ok, maybe they're doing that because he used to throw them towards the danger to save his own life, but still. That doesn't justify anything. He's not a lure!

Dancefell Papyrus - Tango is so annoyed his kid is always on TikTok. He's even madder about the fact they're getting a lot more popular than he is and using his things to steal his own audience. Who do you think you are? He deprives you of your phone this instant! Stop stealing his job!

Mafiafell Sans - His kid is a little shit. They fear no one, answer to everything just to have a reaction and they're mostly not caring about the consequences. Fang is not controlling them at all, he gave up trying long ago. He always have 200 dollars in his wallet to pay people his kid are offending too much so they shut up and don't create problems :')

Mafiafell Papyrus - What do you mean that's a problem his kid thinks everyone in the mafia must serve them? Torpedo told them they are the next mafia boss and to be respected by all of them, even if they have to crush them under their shoes like insects. Torpedo doesn't see any problem with that. His brother keeps joking about the fact one of his day his kid is going to betray and kill him Lion King style and that he would never see it coming.

#underfell #horrorfell #swapfell #fellswap gold #dancefell #mafiafell #undertale ask blog #undertale asks #undertale imagines #undertale headcanons #sans #papyrus

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crystalflygeo · 2 years ago

Text

Safeword. ft Zhongli + fem!reader

cw/tags: a bit of anxiety/panic attack, bit of dirty talk but it's all praise, bit of nipple play and fingering, safeword use, bondage (tied arms, blindfold) hurt/comfort, aftercare, just reader in general dealing with negative feelings but being comforted PLEASE BE WARNED IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. READ THE TAGS.

notes: I literally just woke up and wrote this in a rush in my phone lmao what. Listen my mood jumps between depressed and horny and I've always loved safeword use and aftercare done right, it is very important and intimate. Also who doesn't want Zhongli softly soothing and kissing them? I almost made this gender neutral reader but I ended up being self indulgent so sorry.

Everything felt hot, too hot, but not in a good way. It was... sticky, ah, uncomfortable.

You squirm a little, shifting on your legs until you feel Zhongli's hands slowly caress your skin, making you shiver. His breath fans your neck "Good girl.” He mumbles at your shoulder, and kisses there.

Yes, this was fine. This is what you wanted, to just let go and release that pent up energy.

Right?

"Hmm... you've been so stressed lately, darling, haven't you?" His strong hands start massaging and kneading at your shoulders and you groan, it feels pretty good.

Until one of his palms lowers to your chest and starts playing with one of your nipples and you hiss. It hardens under his attention, sure, but feels... odd, it kind of hurts.

You shift again awkwardly, and the rope holding your wrists together digs into your skin.

You don't know what's wrong but something is. You don't feel the same lightheadedness as usual, in fact you're hyperaware, parted lips panting but the pressure is not on your lower belly, it’s at your chest instead. It feels cold, empty, oppressive.

Your hands clench into fists and you whimper.

Zhongli kisses around your chest down to your navel and that feels good too, tender, loving. His voice soothes you, even though you feel oddly disconnected.

"You look so beautiful my dear, laid out like this."

Did you really? The anxiety starts gnawing at you, body tense. Your mind is far away, going over some dumb mistake you made some days ago, some stupid thing you said last week...

You've been so frustrated lately, feeling sad, and angry, and disappointed and-

Zhongli's thumb circles over your clit and you gasp and keen, hips jerking on reflex.

Oh. That felt good, but-

But then why did you feel so wrong?

"Z-Zhongli." You hiccup. Voice wobbly, you feel your eyes start to water. What is wrong with you? You're suffocating. Choked up. Sweaty and awkward and-

His fingers dip inside you and you clench on them, crying out.

"Fuck... Y/N you're so tight." He rasps.

It's too much, you can't, you can't-

"Hng r-red. Red!"

In an instant you feel the mattress dip and shift with his weight as Zhongli quickly takes off your blindfold, and just like that the damn breaks. You start crying and hyperventilating as he curses and immediately frees your hands.

"Y/N, my love, are you alright? I'm so sorry." He starts, and though his voice is leveled as ever you can feel the slight stutter of panic. "It's alright, everything is okay, I'm sorry."

You shake your head, crying into your hands, you want to tell him it's not him. It's never him. But words fail you, you breath stutters.

You know he won't touch you without explicit permission, so you lean into him, your smaller frame trembling as you press closer to his chest. You need this. You need him.

"May I embrace you darling?" You nod frantically and feel his arms curl around you just so slightly, as to not make you feel trapped. One of his hands sweeps your hair over your shoulder and starts rubbing circles on your back, soft. "Is this alright?" He asks.

You nod and try to find your voice again "S-sorry. Sorry... don't k-know... wh-what's wrong."

Zhongli shushes you gently. "Please my love breathe, focus on calming down, slowly. It's ok. Just breathe. I'm so glad you used your safeword. You did well."

You placed a hand at your chest feeling your fast paced heartbeat and trying to calm down a little, regulating your breathing, leaning onto his comfortable touch and words.

You made Zhongli worry, you panicked out of nowhere and still don't know why, you feel dumb, needy, annoying. "S-sorry I'm-" You sob. "Don't know what's wrong...” You repeat unable to find words to express that creeping cold numb feeling that took hold you. “Please d-don't be upset." You add quietly.

You hear him sigh, his hand never stopping tracing soft shapes on your skin. "May I kiss you?" He asked instead and you gave a weak nod. Zhongli planted a soft kiss on your hair, on your forehead. "My dear, I would never be upset. I love you. I'd never wish to make you uncomfortable, I'm sorry I didn't notice in time." Zhongli sighs again, heavy. "But right now, I need you to calm down, you don't have to explain or apologize at all, what matters is that you're safe, and I'm here for you for anything you need."

Your eyes flutter close and minutes pass by while he holds you, whispering sweet nothings, your breathing calming down to a steady rhythm. You place a small fleeting kiss against his shoulder and he replied by nuzzling at the top of your head. After a while, you shift and look up at him, red puffy eyes staring at his beautiful cor lapis ones.

"Better?" He asks, swiping his thumb over your cheek tenderly. You nod. "Would you like to eat something? Or I can prepare a bath for you?"

Oh he's so doting, your heart flutters. "Zhongli I'm- I'm sorry I didn't want to make you worry." You can see he's holding back from objecting again but lets you continue. "It's just... I've been so stressed lately and I thought, if we... played... I could let out all that. I-It did feel good! But then it was just... too much. I don't know." You avert your gaze. “It wasn’t you I promise, I just got overwhelmed and everything felt… wrong.”

Zhongli caresses your cheek with his knuckles softly "As I said, you have nothing to apologize for dear, and I'm glad you spoke up. I'd be happy to offer you whatever support you want and take care of you. You're beautiful, hardworking, strong, kind, and I love you."

You feel your cheeks heat slightly and let out a small smile. You're truly literally blessed to have him. "C-Can I... take you up on that bath offer?"

He chuckles, and it's so refreshing. "Of course." He kisses you again and you nuzzle into his touch this time.

"I love you too, Zhongli. Thank you."

#genshin smut #zhongli smut #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin impact smut #genshin impact imagines #genshin imagines #crys writes #fem reader #please I don't know if I can/should tag this as anxiety or panic or what those terms are lost to me #I've had those feelings and symptoms I just don't know what to call them and don't want to be wrong #man how I wish I had someone to shush and care for me during those times//hit #like you just crave some affection and intimacy you know?#also Zhongli would be the absolute best at caring for his partner's boundaries fight me #man is the god of *contracts*#and he's so kind and tender and aaaaaaaaaaa

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ghostedeabha · 1 year ago

Text

more random cod headcanons

tw: mentions of self harm, references to OG ghost backstory, angst :)

141 tried to do group therapy together

but they ended up making the therapist cry and the four of them had to awkwardly comfort the therapist

ghost hates therapy with a passion but goes anyway

soap did the tide pod challenge

price lost it at him in the med bay when he found out

"johnny it's a plastic capsule of LAUNDRY DETERGENT!"

"yummy colours🥰"

ghost used to sh on his face

love how i just give yall a bunch of sweet stuff and then BOOM ANGST HEADCANON outta nowhere :)

i feel like he suffers from severe facial dysmorphia, especially after covering his face for so long

sweet pie gang: soap, könig, price

savoury pie gang: ghost and gaz

couldnt care less, just likes pie: horangi

ghost hates coffee but pretends to like it to seem cool (he's actually drinking coffee crisp hot chocolate)

horangi listens to ayesha erotica

he is also a RAGING bisexual (strong lean towards men)

laswell refers to the 141 as her boys, she loves to embarrass them like a mom would

soap and ghost are ATTROCIOUS at cooking

price is pretty good at it, can make quite a lot but struggles with a few harder recipes (and also somehow cannot make instant noodles)

gaz is a GOD in the kitchen but he hates cooking

soap is not allowed in the kitchen alone, once set the kitchen in fire trying to get a glass of water

awkward day on base when that happened

"sorry, can't go into the kitchen, the explosions specialist set it on fire trying to get a drink"

soap listens to classic rock and metal only (and katy perry but he will never admit it)

gaz listens to (shocking literally everyone on the team) music from the 40's, 50's and 60's. he listens to some modern music but he just ADORES the vintage music, especially jazz.

gaz and soap also like therapy

like genuinely enjoy it

gaz has to hype himself up before his appointments though

soap hypes the therapist up

price is neutral, he'd prefer to just smoke and drink to deal with his problems but understands that talking about them with a professional is the best option

ghost, as mentioned before, hates therapy with a burning passion but goes anyway

mostly because he knows he will be put on probation if he doesn't

but also because he knows that he needs the help even if he doesn't want to admit it

also after one of his first month of going to all his appointments that month without skipping one at all, price told simon he was proud of him and now he uses that as motiva to go to his appointments

price knows how to use technology in the weirdest ways

can operate a drone but cannot for the life of him figure out QR codes

a pretty decent hacker but do NOT ask him what any text slang aside from "lol" and "lmao" is. he does not know.

doesn't know that emojis have different meanings depending on context

once said "simon's in the hospital😭" i the TF141 group chat, gaz and soap thought that he was laughing at simon

soap got arrested in croatia on a mission once because he committed arson

kate had to bail him out and he got an earful on being a pyromaniac and arsonist

price just told him to restrict his fire setting to the battlefield

valeria has a medusa tattoo, it's under her chest on her sternum (iykyk)

ghost was tempted to get a medusa tattoo but decided against it because he views it more as a symbol of strength for women (really afab/fem aligned in general) who have suffered through that kind of assault and that it would be wrong to take that from them

he got a tattoo inspired by medusa instead

ghost has his on his hip

he was orginally going to get it on his left ribcage but when the artist was placing the stencil he almost had a panic attack and they both decided a different placement would be better

könig has tattoos for his siblings and his mother (mama's booooyyyyy🗣️)

ghost also has tattoos for his mother, tommy, joseph and even one for beth

is there a male version of a barracks bunny?

because that's horangi, that man is fucking EVERYONE or getting fucked, depends on his mood that night

idk i feel like sometimes they all watch like family guy or bob's burgers together sometimes during their downtime

soap's fav bob's burgers character is gene

price's is teddy

gaz's is tina

ghost's is both louise and bob

könig's is linda

horangi's is mort and kuchi kopi

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milogreer · 7 months ago

Note

Grah (Milo 🥺🥺) ('send me a character' ask game!)

@darlinghowl asked: milo too!

YAAYYY HUSBAND TIME 🩷🩷 ↳ send me a character!

My first impression: i’m being so so serious when i say i had to pause milo’s first audio pretty much immediately after he started talking because his accent made me blush LMFAO it’s like he was built for me in a fuckin lab. werewolf with a ny/nj accent, the cockiness and bitchiness with just that hint of a soft side near the end when he talks about wanting dahlia to stay safe, and the FLIRTINESS my god. and that was ONE AUDIO LMAO that’s not even getting into everything else he has going on that felt tailored to me (*cough*heatingupinthebedroom*cough*) 🫠💖

My impression now: unchanged baby he has been my number one since day one!!! not that this is surprising to anyone given my blog theme 🤣 i may not talk about him all the time but he’s never losing top spot in my heart. i’ve gotten butterflies from a handful of moments across the redactedverse but nothing that stuck with me as hard as the panic attack audio did, and he still makes me kick my feet and twirl my hair whenever he gets all sweet 💘 he’s truly the redacted love of my life

A favorite thing: as a massive horror media enjoyer, i think it’s so cute that he’s a little scaredy cat when it comes to ghosts and demons. the gameplay vids are super immersive for me bc whenever he jumps at something i start giggling and then he tells sweetheart to shut up for also giggling LMAO

Least favorite thing: nothing. he’s the most perfect man ever. actually no least favorite thing is that he doesn’t talk abt his family enough !! i wanna know more about his family life so badly after the “worried about you” audio 😫 i wanna know more about marie other than that she likes ghostbusters and nags his ear off when he gets himself hurt and i wanna really dig into his feelings for his previously alcoholic/gambling addict father

Favorite interaction they have with another: AHHH THE ASHER MOUNTAIN INCIDENT. ok ok i’ve talked abt this before but i’m gonna say it again bc it always bears repeating. this was i think the first time we’ve heard about him shifting after regaining the ability post-inversion and it made me actually cry bc it was just two best friends having stupid fun together as shifters 😭😭 like even though milo came out of it injured he still got to wolf out and fuck around with asher and that makes me sooo happy for him after suffering through those 5-6 months being unable to shift

A character that I wish they would interact with more: DARLIN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE erik i’m on my knees!!! darlin’s gotten audios with david and asher, when will it be milo’s turn!! i’ve thought a lot about them as teens and how they got on and how they navigated being sort of the odd ones out wrt their family dynamics vs david and asher’s + how the pack meeting with darlin went ☹️ i need them to get a one on one audio

A headcanon: aggro is a black cat that milo adopted from a shelter specifically because of the stigma surrounding black cats. people think they’re unlucky or evil or whatever but aggro is the sweetest little thing and he was just a little baby who had been there for probably a month or two and when milo came around, there was an instant connection 🥺 i also think that if he wasn’t already a registered ESA then they definitely would’ve gotten it done post-inversion. milo doesn’t typically take him anywhere but sometimes sweetheart will take him with them to the office; he even has a cute little ESA vest 🥰

A song: this is so hard because i have a handful of good ones… one i don’t think i’ve posted before is just what i needed by the cars! really early relationship vibes, i like it a lot 💕

An unpopular opinion: [looks around cautiously before leaning close to the mic and whispering] i don’t think he’s into being called daddy. MAYBE I’M BIASED because i don’t usually vibe with it myself, but i just don’t see it. however i think if you called him “sir” you’d both be locked up in the bedroom for several hours 🤷🏼‍♀️

#THANK YOU BOTH 🩷🩷🩷#asks #qhoaaa #courtney #redacted audio #milo

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mikanotes · 2 years ago

Text

— it’s alright

arisu x gn!reader

genre: comfort, vent

warnings: anxiety/paranoia, description of a panic attack, breakdown, mentions of nightmares and trouble sleeping, barely proofread sorry i don’t have the energy lmao

synopsis: The fear makes it hard to sleep.

author’s note: self indulgent i am Tired

The moonlight was bright when your eyes opened. You sighed the instant your mind registered it was still early in the night. Your hand ran over your face and you shifted in your bed. “Did I even get more than an hour of sleep…” you mumbled to yourself, trying to get out a dry laugh to no avail.

You took your phone and unlocked it, only to bite back a loud wince of pain at the brightness of the screen. Why’d you always forget to lower it at night? You quickly fixed it before beginning what would surely be a long cycle of opening and closing apps to kill your boredom while you couldn’t sleep. It wasn’t anything new to you but you’d been getting better lately— So getting back to this rhythm was uncomfortable.

Still. You preferred the tiredness of your eyelids trying to close while staring at your screen over the fear of not keeping them open while staring at the darkness of you room. If you were to stay awake all night you preferred to do it without feeling like having an anxiety attack over the slightest sound.

Next to you, the sheets moved and you glanced to the side.

Arisu was moving a bit too much in his sleep. From how many times you’d woken up before him you knew very well that this meant he would probably be waking up as well. You sighed quietly and covered your eyes with your arm. If he saw you awake at this time again he would probably get worried.

“… Mh… [name]?” he barely managed to speak, “You awake?”

It was unusual for him to call for you right upon waking up. If he’d seen you awake then it wouldn’t be surprising but you doubted he already realized that. You turned your back to him and heard him scoff. He pushed your shoulder lightly then proceeded to squeeze it and shake your arm a little when you didn’t answer. “I saw you’re awake, don’t ignore me. Did you have a nightmare?”

“No.”

“… I did. Can you turn around?” he spoke more quietly, and you heard him move closer to you. He wrapped his arms around you and pushed his forehead into your back. “Seriously.”

You turned around— Tried to to the best of your ability with the space he was giving you— and was immediately engulfed into a tighter hug. His arms circled around your waist and his face found your neck. You hugged him back just as tightly. Your hand moved to run through his hair as a habit.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

He pulled away a little, sighing and moving up to face you. Then he looked aside with a blank look before shaking his head slightly. “No. It’s fine.”

You nodded. It was his turn to look concerned, “Do you? Wanna talk about it, I mean.”

“No. Now that you’re here, it’s fine.”

“What’s with that?” he laughed softly, tilting his head into the pillow like his body was forcefully trying to put him back to sleep. He grunted a little as he stretched his limbs, legs touching yours and making you yelp at the cold. You kicked him lightly and some sort of sleepy fight ensued for about a minute, before you ended up with your head on his chest, arms sprawled out tiredly.

“I’m here even if I’m asleep. Just wake me up if you need to.” he go finally finished saying. You chuckled a bit at that.

“If I wake you up you’re gonna be like ‘Huh?’ and then go back to sleep.”

“I wouldn’t.”

“You would.”

“Would not.”

“Would.”

“Not!” he exclaimed, moving enough to look at you with wide eyes and a smile. You laughed and shook your head, before getting more comfortable.

For a moment you wondered if he fell back asleep. Everything was quiet apart from the steady beating of his heart against your ear. You held onto that for as long as you could. But eventually, the silence got to you. The ringing in your ears grew louder and the impression that the shadows in your room were drawing closer to you was getting impossible to ignore.

It would be nice if you could just sleep without fear.

You caved in. “Ryo, are you awake?”

“Hm? Yeah.” he seemed surprised. There was a beat of silence and you felt your breathing start to get uneven. He moved to sit up a little and gently pulled you along with him, “Are you okay? Hey.”

You sat up as properly as you could manage but kept your eyes on the bed, occasionally shutting them tight as an attempt to shut out the wave of feelings that hit you all at once. You were scared and you didn’t know why. You were anxious and your body reacted as it usually does. Your breathing was heavy and trembling and you had to tighten your hold on the bedsheets because your head was starting to spin.

Arisu held your face between his hands, tightly, and searched your eyes. “Look at me, please. What’s wrong?” his voice was calm but it was worried. You looked into his eyes and breathed out heavily.

“I don’t know.” your voice broke down, “I don’t know, I’m just… I feel so anxious, it feels like everything’s terrifying.”

If you had to define empathy you would simply say Arisu Ryohei. The way he looked at you was not only concerned, but held hints of fear and confusion. Not towards what you were saying but more so towards what he was feeling. You knew Arisu felt everything too strongly sometimes, the ability to understand the people around him being both a gift and a curse to him. He could understand people but struggled to put a barrier to how much his feelings synced with theirs if things got too hard. And this was even worse with people he was close to.

You knew for a fact you were the closest person to him. This wasn’t the first time he felt your emotions along with you.

“[name]. You’re fine.” he said after a few seconds. You knew for a fact he had to make sure his voice would be steady before speaking or it’d only make matters worse, “Everything’s okay. Nothing’s gonna happen. I’m here.”

His hand slowly moved to grab yours, gently taking it into his hold and letting you know it was okay. You tried to move it back to hold the sheet instead but he was quicker than you. “Hold me. You’re not gonna hurt me.” he said, and you believed him. So you held onto his hand as tightly as possible and he returned it.

It had been months of you dating and way longer of you being friends. Arisu knew you. More than you would believe he did. He knew every pattern, every detail, every tone, what every of them meant and how he should respond. He knew how to help you even when you shut him out. He knew how to help you when you reached out for him like he was the only one who could. He knew what you needed when you felt sad or tired or anxious. He was the only one who knew you this well. It wasn’t just mere empathy— That could never bring him the level of understanding he had. It was simply time spent together. Willingness to learn. To help.

He was the one who kept you going all this time.

“It’s okay.”

Things stayed like this for a while. Your breathing would calm down then stagger again, prompting you to hold onto him like a lifeline until you calmed back down. Every time, without a fail, he reassured you. It’s okay. Take your time. I’m here. Every time.

Then eventually, your body seemed to have grown tired of the panic and finally let you breath. It was nothing new that your energy would be drained after a panic attack— Which explained why you did nothing to fight how easily you melted back into a laying position. Arisu hugged you against his chest, still talking every now and then at a volume that would both remind you he was there and not disturb you if you fell asleep.

“You know… It’s funny how back when we started dating you were nervous to even just sleep next to me.” you mumbled, finally relaxing, “Now look at you.”

“I’m doing my job of caring for you as your boyfriend don’t make me resign at this time of the night.” he chuckled as you moved to tuck your head against his chin. He continued to run his fingers through your hair, slowly lulling to sleep, “You’re lucky I don’t have the energy to feel embarrassed.”

“Me neither. You’re doing a good job at the caring boyfriend thing. I think I’m actually gonna fall asleep.” you teased him, genuinely starting to doze off. He sighed with a laugh and hugged you closer.

“I’m glad.” he said, then quieter, “I’ll do it forever if it’s with you.”

“How sentimental.”

“I mean it.”

“I know. Me too.”

“I know.”

“Thank you.”

“Always.”

When you woke up the next morning, it was before Arisu, somehow. You ran a hand through his hair and he didn’t budge, seemingly too exhausted. You decided to let him sleep longer, hoping he wouldn’t have a single nightmare this time. He deserved that much.

#arisu x reader #arisu ryohei x reader #alice in borderland x reader #aib x reader #x reader #mika is venting

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totaleclipse573 · 6 months ago

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Tw for some possibly disturbing stuff under the cut, but I feel like I should talk about this

So my little brother was running around today. And. He fell in a way that cut his chin open. Slightly, but still bleeding a lot.

I got the most terrifying sense of deja vu seeing him like that. The exact same thing, in the exact same spot, happened to me, years ago. It sent me into a genuine panic attack. It felt like an old, repressed memory just kind of resurfaced in an instant yk? Like I barely got a chance to process it.

We went to the ER to see what he needed. Luckily it wasn’t as severe as mine was back then, he didn’t need stitches, but it still got to me.

He’s five. It broke my heart even seeing him in nearly the same situation as I was. I felt selfish for focusing so much on trying to calm my own emotions because he’s right there. And my sister was too. And my parents. All of them had to re-live this too. And I still kind of do feel selfish. I couldn’t do shit about it other than watch and wait. I felt so fucking sick and useless the whole time.

I talked to some family members about it a little while ago, and I’m feeling somewhat better. It’s the shock that’s still there, I can’t fully shake it.

So, apologizes if I seem somewhat off for the rest of today 😅 I might try and draw to get the nerves out, since that tends to help. I just kind of need to calm down my mind. Some silly asks would also be nice (if you want lmao, I know I have a bunch of unanswered ones 😭) Thanks for understanding

#he’s fine now dw!#he’s currently laughing bc his shoes make a funny noise #tw injury mention #tw blood mention #vent ig??#totals irl stuff #might delete later

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piningbuddies · 8 months ago

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hiiieeee first and foremost…I love your blog! I just recently found/followed it and I can tell how invested and passionate you are about 9-1-1 and the fandom 🫶🏽 I just wanted to ask about something you answered in regard to your last ask— where you said “bucktommy isn't the intended end-goal” and that that’s pretty widely accepted within the fandom. which I can also see! I see that a lot of the fans are CONVINCED that this all leads to buddie in the end…

I guess I just wanna know…how are you SO confident that all of this is leading to buddie? I’ve read a few answers to asks on other blogs that briefly touch on this, and more than anything I want to believe it wholeheartedly (trust me!) but I feel like…idk part of me can’t help feeling they’re gonna pull the rug from under us and have it NOT lead to buddie. what has you so confident about this (and how can I be this confident lmao bc I really hate the doubt i’m feeling)?

hello!

first of all, i'm not sure if you're new to watching the show alltogether or just the tumblr fandom, but welcome! we're quite tight knit here but i'm sure you'll have a great time! <333

as to your question: there's a lot of reasons i'm confident that this is leading to buddie; honestly, there's been a lot of evidence over the years which tells us what's happening, and it could be an essay in and of itself. i'll try and summarise a few of the key points of evidence that, in my opinion, tell us where things are going (this will contain spoilers for any new fans of the show!!):

in eddie's very first episode (2x01), we see him for the first time on-screen through buck's pov. here, as we see eddie on screen, the son whatta man plays as eddie pulls his shirt on in slow-motion. to a lot of us, this is indicative of instant attraction/interest on buck's part, and gives us a major clue that something is happening here

in buck, actually (2x08), one of the main calls we see on the episode involves a gay couple, thomas and mitchell. when mitchell is pronounced dead, thomas and buck are sat on the ambulance and having a conversation, which goes as follows:

thomas: we only ever wanted to...to go together. that's love. buck: i'm sorry. i really am. i guess i can only hope to find something that good. thomas: you don't find it, son. you make it.

the idea that you don't find your love story, you have to put in the effort and make it becomes a recurring theme between buck and eddie. they manage to construct their own family unit consisting of themselves and chris over the years. the idea that they are a family already feeds into several different plot-lines over the years, perhaps most notably eddie's issues with ana and their eventual break up:

in episode 1 of season 5, eddie has a panic attack over a shop assistant thinking that ana was chris' mom. later, when he's talking to buck about it, he mentions how they became a ready made family...i'm not sure if i'm ready for that. when buck and eddie have been making their family for years now

eddie's entire breakup with ana was very queer-coded. honestly, watch the scene here, but ryan acted his absolute ass off and the entire thing reeks of eddie being a queer man at his core

honestly, one of the biggest bits of evidence we got in the first place was buck being confirmed as bisexual canonically. this allows us to thoroughly go back through and recontextualise a lot of interactions between buck and eddie over the years. two key scenes are the will scene (4x14 survivors) and the well scene (3x15 eddie begins). both of these scenes show buck and eddie in moments of vulnerability with one another, and show that their connection surpasses the connection which they have with anyone else

side note - i watched eddie begins yesterday, and the entire time eddie is drowning at the end of the episode, his life flashes before his eyes. all of this is chris, but a good chunk of the scenes also have buck in them.

again, there's a lot more i could point to, but these are the main things which stick out to me right now! i hope this answers your question!

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #i-love-tacoss #asks

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altschmerzes · 2 years ago

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hi !! what’d you think of the new episode of Ted Lasso?

OKAY getting to this a few days late i'm sorry. as usual, i have about One Million Thoughts. in short, i thought it was fine!! it wasn't like, AMAZING, but not every episode of something is gonna be, and it was overall pretty solid. i liked it more than last episode by a good measure but not as much as

here is, as is traditional for me, some more specific thoughts in no particular order on ted lasso 3x05:

i feel like this episode was sort of a return to form in some ways, from some of the stuff that's been causing what i'd call..... some issues? in the front half of this season so far. it feels like they've been trying to do way too much at once? which has led to a bit of a disoriented, frenetic feeling. i think this was sort of a way to.... cut down on some of that? with what would seem to be the wrapping of the zava and shandy plots (which i'll.... get to). this is overall i think a good shift. let's redirect a bit. focus a bit.

oh my gd the stuff with ted and henry was so good. i also was like. really in my feelings immediately when beard was so protective the instant they thought henry'd been bullied. and then ROY was too. man. that got me where i live :')

and man. man. the bit after where ted talked himself down from that panic attack with 'he's okay, he's okay, he's okay.' i about cried at that.

this is gonna be extremely predictable from me and i know i've mentioned it already but i really did expect like. literally any acknowledgement of playing man city being a Big Thing after what happened last time. for jamie particularly. wouldn't need to take much space, just like. a nod to them being mindful of keeping an eye on him that week, or a quick 'you good?' or yknow. anything.

that said. man am i ever so proud of jamie. his speech to them was really, really good - especially if you actually do consider what contemplating playing against city for the first time since the wembley thing must have been like for him. still, he rallied and gave this really effective motivating speech that got the team going.

until zava took over and repeated what he said lmao but still. (also the bit of him like. grabbing at and holding jamie's head? WHOOF that was hard to watch. jamie does Not want that man touching him, and watching him just sorta hunch a bit and Deal With It until deciding he'd had enough and ducking away was. whoof. what a little scene.)

dunno where this psychic thing with rebecca is going but i do kind of love the shift her story has taken, if this is gonna continue to be a focus (pursuing the possibility of motherhood). idk if this is like..... a controversial take in some way or whatever but i actually always kind of thought that it would make more sense for her narrative arc to go more in the direction of searching for that as a possibility than of searching for a romantic partner? it's something she clearly wanted very much but couldn't have because of rupert and that whole. thing. i think it's a much more interesting avenue to go down with her, and idk if it's gonna go anywhere else but. yeah. enjoyed her storyline in this episode a lot more than i have in some others.

i dunno how to feel about the whole bit with nate and jade the woman at the greek restaurant. i feel like i kind of get what they're going for with it but i'm not really sure where i land? like my romance allergy aside, i was ruminating on it and i wish we'd had like. idk. she has been pretty...... weird and rude to him in every single scene we've seen her in and i really think in order to actually know how i feel about how that was played i would need some more context. i wish we'd seen her interact with other customers? if that makes sense? like i want to see if this demeanour she has with nate which is pretty shitty and bizarre is just sort of. how she is and she's a weird and rude person generally, or if she's somehow treating nate differently than other people she interacts with at her job.

man i really did otherwise like nate's bits in that ep though. his scenes so far have been fucking stellar this season - though i didn't like last episode much, his part? oh my gd it was incredible. and then in this one it's like- rehearsing what to say on the phone was fantastic, and the part where he's trying to explain to anastasia what that place means to his family (which...... buddy. man. that made me sad, it doesn't seem like he's been very well treated there, but it's such an important figure in his family. feels like a metaphor.)

was a little disappointed we didn't get a bit more west ham follow-up? like they got, what was it, three red cards in that ep? that's three suspensions. how long were they suspended for? obvs we didn't see the immediate subsequent matches but yknow. that's a Big Deal. the way that match went is a big deal. otherwise, i did like the switch from the big win streak to this winless streak after the west ham loss. that was a satisfying The Epic Highs And Lows Of Sports detail.

keeley sleeping with jack? GET IT. not sure how this is gonna shake out in the long run and has the potential to get messy and i generally don't.... know how i feel about jack yet but for now? get it.

i answered a whole ask about this, but in brief: i thought the zava wrap, if that was actually his whole wrap and he's not gonna return in some dramatic fashion, was anticlimactic to the way he and his arc were introduced. i think it was..... misplayed overall. they should've either not played so hard into seeming like he was being set up to be a major factor when he was first introduced and then had that focal episode, or they should've followed that energy through. instead he had his intro and then that huge focus episode and immediately following that he just kinda..... faded and was a nonissue and then abruptly decided to ride off into the sunset. makes me wonder what they were going for at all when they didn't really resolve any of the big stuff that whole thing brought up.

i feel similarly about shandy. it seemed like they were setting something up with her to be a Thing and then she ended up not like.... her arc wasn't anticlimactic in resolve, it was actually extremely dramatic, but it happened very fast and in a way that felt kind of. cartoonish? keeley Learned A Lesson i guess about being a boss which is a tough thing to do, and that was neat, but it felt like. idk. i think they could've done that without introducing a whole new character who felt like she had a lot of potential to have an interesting arc with keeley and then kinda built tension in the background for a bit only to resolve it pretty quickly and in a pretty. what's the way i want to put this.

interested to see where it goes from here!

#gav gab #gav answers #ted lasso spoilers

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apoptoses · 2 years ago

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Did exactly as you said and read chapter 4. It’s now 3 hours later and I’m still in pieces. Took another nap but I still feel so emotionally/physically drained lmao I was genuinely sobbing into my pillow and I had to pause several times to either marinate in my feelings or play a song that I thought fit the scene I’d just read (literally listened to Instant Crush by Daft Punk ft. Julian Casablancas 3 times at one point like... “that summer memory that just never dies, we worked too long and hard to give it no time. He sees right through me, it's so easy with lies, cracks in the road that I would try and disguise. He runs the scissors at the seam in the wall. He cannot break it down or else he would fall. One thousand lonely stars hiding in the cold”). Babes I was going THROUGH IT. So hopefully this makes sense🤞

"That first conversation in it was entirely redone thanks to you ♥” god I’m so flattered! It was absolute perfection and it hurt so good. I have no idea how it used to look before our conversation but the way you had Armand on the verge on a panic attack? with everything crumbling down around him during those brief moments in which he thought he’d lost Daniel again... stunning. "How could you possibly think saying something like that is fair when just last night I told you how your running affected me? Am I meant to be kept on the pillory for this entire trip while you come away unscathed?" Armand asked. "It's not fair, Daniel." NO IT’S NOT, and Daniel owning up to it and trying to comfort him even in the middle of a fight was so lovely, so him.

This though: “There’s a part near the back, the purple post it? Read me that part,” Daniel said. “I want to hear it from your own mouth.” NO. LISTEN. I put down my phone, phisically backed away from it and said “OH SHIT”. It was fucking brutal and I was speechless. My favorite bit so far I think but I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to actually read it again. Wow.

And I just love your use of rain as a motif here, and the weather in general, them driving through a thunderstorm both externally and internally is such a great choice. And how them getting through the worst part meant they were almost there. Besides, rain was also a thing in canon for them, and I’d like to think Anne made a deliberate choice when she gave them their first “big” moment together in years, alone in the rain, like you did here. In both instances it feels like it’s about washing away regrets, insecurities, doubts, and finally having them see each other as they are.

“I want the Armand that woke up excited every day looking for a new adventure, where has that part of you gone? Did it really die with me?” Yeah THIS. I think it’s something that gets brough up often in fandom conversations (maybe not as explicitly as you put it here but it’s the underlying message we’ve been trying to convey imo). How serious, stiff, aloof Armand seems in later books, like he’s just going through the motions, only kind of coming back to life whenever Lestat is around or something’s happened to him. But that overly excited, curious, affectionate, intense young man we met in QotD seems to be gone for good. Like that’s a version of him nobody but Daniel met (maybe only the boys at the palazzo? but that was Amadeo, not Armand, so it’s not the same), only to disappear forever after Daniel left. Seeing Armand tell him that he also misses that part of himself and wants to recover it felt like a punch in the gut.

“Wondered what exactly it was that had turned his emotions into these calcified things that were trapped inside of him, impossible for anyone to excise no matter how much they loved him.Perhaps it was Marius. Something passed on in the blood, a genetic indisposition to being vulnerable. Or perhaps it was that first assailant who had forced himself inside of Armand and in doing so stole the memories from his brain and tied his tongue in a knot so tight he was rendered unable to speak. Or was it the rejections he’d endured that had solidified the belief that he was a tainted and an unloved thing? Or- worst of all- maybe it was some inherent quality of his own. Some flaw of the personality, as immutable as the length of his hair or the color of his eyes. Forever frozen in time by his immortal blood”. Fuck. I mean we know others have wondered. Marius said just as much at some point didn’t he? How he thought Amadeo’s eyes had been “cruel” even as a mortal boy, how there was something innately wrong with him that he couldn’t wipe away even with all the love in the world. And then Armand himself saying how he feels there’s an “eternal winter” inside of him, how everything he holds in his hands, as you put it, “crumbles into dust”. GOD.

And then when Daniel started sobbing? I WAS SOBBING. Armand feeling like he had to get out of the car to comfort him or otherwise he’d lose him for good broke me.

“There was no real need for him to look over to change lanes, except the desire to catch another glimpse of Daniel’s curious expression. Armand’s heart fluttered fast as Amadeo’s when their eyes met. “What was that look for?” Daniel asked. “Nothing. I was only checking the traffic.” AWWWW my babies, I love them sm they’re getting there!!! 🥹 And I LOVE how you keep building up that kiss they haven’t had yet. I have no doubt it’ll live up to the hype. Every single line in this is canon to me ofc you’re incredible xoxo DA ❤️

DA, I'm so glad you survived it haha

I have no idea how it used to look before our conversation but the way you had Armand on the verge on a panic attack? with everything crumbling down around him during those brief moments in which he thought he’d lost Daniel again... stunning.

Yeah, in draft one Daniel kinda just....got away with it haha Armand got called out for pushing him away when he was just trying to comfort him, but Daniel caught no flack at all for running off and didn't apologize and I thought NOPE, no that's wrong. They gotta touch on that problem and Armand can't let this trip just be the Roast of Armand de Romanus. So. There :) I'm glad it worked!! I think the story is much better for it.

It is a topic they bump up against again but that's a quieter, less charged moment.

The book conversation though! I wanted THAT to happen for a long time. What's more brutal than being forced to read out your own words and explain them? Nothing!! And I think it's something that was on Daniel's mind the first time he ever read that part. He wanted to hear it from Armand's mouth because he couldn't believe it was real.

Besides, rain was also a thing in canon for them, and I’d like to think Anne made a deliberate choice when she gave them their first “big” moment together in years, alone in the rain, like you did here. In both instances it feels like it’s about washing away regrets, insecurities, doubts, and finally having them see each other as they are.

Thank you!! I really wanted them to HAVE to drive slow, to need to stop at some point. And rain was the best way to do it. I actually forgot it was raining the night Daniel died! It's such a nice accidental parallel.

How serious, stiff, aloof Armand seems in later books, like he’s just going through the motions, only kind of coming back to life whenever Lestat is around or something’s happened to him.

Right! I think about it a lot. I mean, it makes sense in the wake of his attempt at going into the sun. Depression isn't cured just because he survived. But it's really strange that he's got two fledglings living in his home and he just doesn't seem happy. It's like he never did the work to figure out what made him so unhappy in the first place, so Daniel has to push him to look at that and figure it out.

Fuck. I mean we know others have wondered. Marius said just as much at some point didn’t he? How he thought Amadeo’s eyes had been “cruel” even as a mortal boy, how there was something innately wrong with him that he couldn’t wipe away even with all the love in the world. And then Armand himself saying how he feels there’s an “eternal winter” inside of him, how everything he holds in his hands, as you put it, “crumbles into dust”. GOD.

Exactly. I don't think he's cruel like Marius characterized him. I think he's traumatized, he's had C-PTSD immortalized into his veins via the blood. The eternal winter in him is just all the things he never worked through and that Daniel is going to ask him to sort through now so he can understand him and start to heal with ihm.

And then when Daniel started sobbing? I WAS SOBBING. Armand feeling like he had to get out of the car to comfort him or otherwise he’d lose him for good broke me.

Armand is a good boyfriend at heart 🥹 He's been so paralyzed up to this point and now he's taking action! He can do better he can be better!

I love them sm they’re getting there!!! 🥹 And I LOVE how you keep building up that kiss they haven’t had yet. I have no doubt it’ll live up to the hype.

They're trying hard! That first kiss- it's a lot, it's explosive! And a lot of softer kisses are sure to follow. I hope it stands up to whatever you're hoping for ♥

You're incredible for delivering these reviews right to my inbox!! I'm so happy you like it 🥹

#apoptoses answers #dungeon anon

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drtanner · 1 year ago

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TANNER’S PROGRESS REPORT: OCTOBER 14TH 2023 (SAT)

The new PhDemon is all lined and ready for colours and I played a bunch of FFXIV! Impressive, considering I didn't sleep for shit last night! It's been a good ol' day off. ( b ._.)b

The reason I've been sleeping so poorly is mostly that I've been getting the ol' anxiety again, lmao. Pretty much the instant I lie down and try to settle my body just starts kicking off with the panic attack symptoms regardless of what I actually feel like and it's incredibly frustrating; I can make it stop if I focus on it, but the second I stop focusing and try to go to sleep, it starts right back up again and the next thing I know it's fucking 7am and I haven't slept at all. The meds aren't doing much to prevent it anymore and I'm getting pretty sick of it, but when I think about the way things are right now, I can't really pretend to be surprised that I'm struggling with anxiety at the moment. My government is itching to kill me for several reasons, the whole world is either in shambles or actively being blown up or on fire and no one with any power seems interested in changing any of it.

We are in a Transitional Period™, and it fucking sucks.

Goodnight, internet.

#Tanner's Progress Report

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obwjam · 1 year ago

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Here is the second (or first) whatever you see first. Here’s some background: Allura Enigma is a co worker of Mr Electricidad (who have a crush on each other) so imma make his first name George like George Lopez cause it’s never mentioned LMAO She’s Max’s favorite teacher and her alter ego is Atomina on Planet Drool. This was kinda based off the concept of Marissa and her ice necklace which gives her powers irl so 🤷🏻‍♀️

anyways please appreciate my second offering to make up for your call out post. Hope you enjoy it cause it took me a bit to think about. 🫴🏻🫴🏻🫴🏻

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The skies over Earth darkened as a sinister presence descended from the heavens. It was Mr. Electric, the menacing villain from Planet Drool, sent to confront Max and the other students. With crackling bolts of electricity surrounding him, he advanced menacingly.

Max knew they needed all the help they could get. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the Mystical Locket, an object of unknown origin he had discovered on his previous adventure in Planet Drool, it belonged to Atomina. Ms. Allura Enigma, his favorite teacher who had also been to Planet Drool in his dreams, recognized the locket immediately.

"Ms. Enigma," Max said urgently, "this locket has the power to change size in Planet Drool. Maybe it can help us here too. I think it belongs to you."

Ms. Enigma took the locket, her eyes filled with wonder and determination. She clutched it tightly, recalling her own dreams of Planet Drool as Atomina. "Thank you, Max. I'll do my best."

As the battle raged on, the giant robot Mr. Electric, powered by the villain's malevolence, loomed over the students. It unleashed devastating electrical attacks that threatened to harm everyone.

Ms. Enigma stepped forward, summoning her newfound size-shifting abilities. She created a colossal force field to protect her students from the menacing onslaught. The electric bolts crackled against her midnight blue energy barrier, but she held it firm.

"Everyone, stay behind me!" she shouted, her voice resolute as she shielded her students.

Max watched Ms. Enigma in awe, amazed by her newfound powers and her determination to protect them.

However, just as she was about to lower the force field, Mr. Electric, cunning as ever, redirected his electrical assault, focusing it on Ms. Enigma's barrier until it reached its limit, shattering it. With a sinister grin, he released an overwhelming surge of electricity.

The force of the shock fried Ms. Enigma's outfit, leaving her vulnerable. In an instant, she shrank down to a mere three inches tall, standing defenseless in front of the menacing villain. Her heart pounded, and terror washed over her as she realized the dire situation.

"Help!" she cried out, her voice trembling with fear.

In that perilous moment, Mr. Electricidad, Max's teacher and Allura’s friend, sprang into action. Without hesitation, he scooped up the tiny, trembling Allura, holding her carefully in his palm.

Ms. Enigma's body trembled tremendously as she clung to Mr. Electricidad's thumb. Her fear was palpable, and her eyes were wide with panic. The once-confident teacher was now reduced to a mere fraction of her size, feeling utterly helpless.

Mr. Electricidad, filled with concern, carefully cradled her to his chest, creating a secure haven for her against the chaos outside. He could feel her trembling form pressed against him, and he understood the depth of her fear.

"It's going to be alright, Allura," he reassured her, his voice soothing and gentle. He cradled her close, his heartbeat a comforting rhythm against her miniature form. "You're safe now. I won't let anything happen to you."

Ms. Enigma, though still shaking, found solace in the warmth of his chest. She reached out, her tiny hand grasping one of his fingers, seeking reassurance in his touch. Mr. Electricidad allowed her to hold onto his finger, understanding that this simple gesture provided her with a sense of security amidst the chaos. “Th….thanks George.”

As they remained huddled together in the safety of the classroom, the battle outside continued, but within the confines of their bond, Ms. Enigma's trembling gradually subsided as they watched Marissa destroy him with her ice powers.

ENJOY

so incredible LOL

#anon i hope u got your fill!! lmao #asks

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be0mcore · 2 years ago

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TXT being on a reality show, like Weekly Idol or Idol Room, with their idol!s/o's group. And midway though the show they notice that their s/o is showing signs of having an anxiety/panic attack and is looking for any exit or at them for comfort, as well as trying to stay composed at the same time.

Thanks in advanced and love the blog

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ txt comforting you through a panic attack on a variety show

notes: i'm gonna be honest i don't watch a lot of variety/reality shows so i apologise if it sounds inaccurate as i've basically pulled it all straight from my ass lmao. also!! thank you for being so patient! i promise i'm getting requests done!! ty!! <3

genre: angst, fluff, hurt/comfort

tw: panic attacks, mental health.

❥˗ˏˋyeonjun ´ˎ˗

◦ he senses your panic attack happening before he even sees it. he knows you like the back of his hand, so it doesn’t take long for him to find out something’s wrong. he looks over at you and as soon as he sees your wide eyes and short breaths, his heart breaks in two. all he knows is that he needs to be with you, right this second. but it’s so hard to do so when your relationship hasn’t been exposed to the public yet.

he makes eye contact with you, and immediately mouths an “are you okay?” when the cameras aren’t on him. he does this for the remainder of the shoot. “you’re doing so well baby” “breathe, my darling” “it’ll be over soon, beautiful” “i love you” if he can’t touch you, he’ll have to comfort you in other ways. however, as soon as the filming is over, yeonjun is by your side in an instant.

he immediately strides towards you, not caring who’s looking. you look up at him with tears in your eyes from having to hold the panic in for so long, and he wastes no time in wrapping you in his arms while cursing the world for making you feel like shit. you start to softly shake and sniffle, and yeonjun holds you tighter, one hand caressing your head while the other stays firmly on your waist. he gives you small butterfly kisses while whispering words of encouragement: “you did so well” “i’m so proud of you” “it’s all over now, yeah?”. he’s absolutely shattered, and can’t wait to go home to take care of you properly <3

❥˗ˏˋsoobin ´ˎ˗

◦oh gosh baby is completely clueless for the first ten minutes. he’s so engrossed in whatever the hosts are saying, that he doesn’t notice you sitting there all tense, desperately looking for an exit. one of your group members crack a joke, so while everyone’s laughing soobin using the opportunity to take a quick glance at you, and that’s when he sees. and boy does his face immediately drop in concern.

he doesn’t know what to do, especially because your relationship is completely secret. he also has an image to uphold, especially because he’s the leader. so he continues on with the variety show, stealing glances at you every so often. when he makes eye contact with you, he can see you silently pleading to comfort him, but he knows that he can’t. he spends the rest of the shoot sitting in guilt and worry, praying to whoever’s up there to finish the shoot right that second.

as soon as the shoot is finished, you’re all escorted to your dressing rooms. soobin however has other plans, and immediately grabs you and pulls you over somewhere private. just like yeonjun, he wastes no time in getting you in his arms, wrapping them tightly around you and burying his face in your hair. he does this partly out of comfort but also partly out of guilt, since he feels extremely bad for leaving you there on your own. he feels you shake and hyperventilate, and he can’t help but tear up. he hates seeing you like this, absolutely despises it. so he vows that when you get home, he’s going to take care of you in the way he wishes he could during the filming <3

❥˗ˏˋbeomgyu ´ˎ˗

◦he may be the king of variety shows, but that doesn’t stop him from being absolutely aware of your every move. he knows that you find these things anxiety inducing, so when he found out that you were both going to be on the same show, he knew exactly what to do. every five seconds he was glancing over at you. and he couldn’t help it, not only did he want to take care of you, but you were also so so so stunning. his eyes just seemed to automatically wander towards you, it was habit at this point. so when he glanced over and saw you looking back with a panicked expression on your face, the alarms in his head instantly went off.

he knew what experiencing panic was like, and he also knew that it would gradually get worse. however, he also knew how strict filming was, and so it was unlikely you’d be able to get a break. so he made sure to show off his entertainment skills so that the cameras wouldn’t be focused on you while you were trying to calm down. he started cracking jokes, running around, and generally interacting with the hosts much more. every time the camera wasn’t on him he’d instantly be looking at you, sending you small finger hearts and reassuring smiles. in all honesty, being the absolute centre of attention was quite stressful, but he was more than happy to do it for you. anything for you. he’d eat his own heart if you asked him to.

after the shoot, he was by your side in an instant. his hands went to cup your face, and he turned you upwards to look at him. “you alright baby?” he’d ask as he gently started to caress your face. “you’re okay now, so proud of you.” he’d say before planting soft kisses all over your face. he’d take your hands if they were still shaking and pull you into a warm hug. would plant even more kisses on the top of your head while squeezing your waist for reassurance. once it was time to leave, he’d send you texts throughout the day to check up on you, while also reminding you that you’re the strongest baddest bitch he knows <3

❥˗ˏˋtaehyun ´ˎ˗

◦let’s be honest here, he notices your anxiety before you even do. since he’s mega in love you, he just couldn’t stop staring at you the entire time, which led him to instantly notice how your hands began to slightly shake, and how your jaw was more tense than usual. he low key starts to panic as well, because he has no idea what to do. how can he comfort you without exposing your relationship? so he decides that the best thing he can do is try to change the topic whenever it lands on you. he thinks he’s doing a good job of it, however as soon as you look at him with absolute fear in your eyes, he knows exactly what he needs to do.

he wastes no time in announcing that he needs a toilet break. thankfully, the producers agree to let everyone off on a short break. while everyone is going off to rest, you try and look for him for comfort, but he’s nowhere to be found. your anxiety starts to peak again, until tae arrives next to you with a water bottle and snacks. he’s not so good with comforting through words or physical touch, so he’s hoping he can comfort you through acts of service instead. he sits you down and encourages you to tell him what’s wrong, which you do.

he has his hand on your inner thigh the entire time, rubbing soothing circles. he listens eagerly, moves hair out of your face, and tries to help you calm down. he helps you do breathing exercises, drink water, and forces you to eat something small. food fixes everything, after all. once you’re much more calm, he gives you a peck on the lips for some final comfort before you’re forced to go back on set. for the rest of the shoot he’s constantly looking at you, making eye contact and giving you small smiles of encouragement <3

❥˗ˏˋkai ´ˎ˗

◦poor guy is absolutely clueless. he’s having a great time cracking jokes, playing games, and just generally mucking around until he catches you on the literal verge of tears. he instantly gets super concerned, and has zero clue on what to do. he tries to make eye contact with you and ask if you’re alright, but it’s quite hard when there’s a thousand cameras pointing at you. he decides to take the first opportunity he can to get close to you, which is by swiftly moving inch by inch when the cameras aren’t looking.

as soon as he’s next to you, he sneakily puts his hand on your lower back, rubbing in soft circles. he really hopes it gives you comfort, which it does. if he gets the chance, he leans down when nobody is looking to whisper words of encouragement in your ear. “it’s alright baby, just breathe.” “you’ve got this sweetheart, only an hour to go.” “i’m right here beside you baby, i’m not leaving”. his reassurance calms you down a lot, and you can already feel your anxiety lessen just by having him near.

after the shoot, kai instantly checks up on you. he squeezes your cheeks, telling you how cute you were and how well you did in the filming. he pulls you close to his chest in a back hug, his arms sneaking around your waist, nuzzling his nose into your neck. he probably starts to softly hum, allowing you to take any time you need to recover. he’s honestly so inspired by you, and thinks you’re insanely cool and brave for being able to get through that situation. it just gives him another reason to fall in love with you <3

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