#it just doesn’t happen. i don’t know why. focusing on why isn’t helpful right now.

[labyrynth]

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[snowballseal]

Insecurities - Rafayel

Summary: Here is the portion of Rafayel reacting to your insecurities. And you best know this man goes big to prove a point. Much fluff.

Here is the original with the other LADS boys

Word Count: 1831

Notes: Reader has insecurities about they way they look, so just keep in mind. It ends fluffy and happy though.

---

“Rafayel, do I look okay?”

The artist immediately drops whatever he was doing, twisting around to peer over the back of the couch as you step into the studio.

His iridescent eyes scan over your figure, his voice lilting with teasing affection, “I’m not sure I even want to go if this is what you’re wearing. I think everyone would think you’re the art and ignore my hard work.”

You wrinkle your nose. Partially because he’s being ridiculous. Partially because you don’t really believe him. The dress is gorgeous of course, he did a great job of helping you pick one out, but it doesn’t change the way you’ve been feeling for the past few days.

Before you met Rafayel, you never paid much attention to how you looked. Not in a bad way, you kept yourself neat and dressed up whenever you went out for special occasions, but it was never on your mind much. But now…You don’t know. It’s not Rafayel’s fault, the man has never been shy in complimenting you, but you can’t help but notice the type of women that like to approach him. All gorgeous enough to be models, with the confidence to match - seeing as they always have to gall to flirt with him even when you’re holding hands.

And you wish it didn’t get to you. It shouldn’t. Rafayel doesn’t even bat an eyelash at them, always focusing on you or making more obvious shows of affection to chase them away. Still, the more it happens, the more you find yourself caring about how you look, or not liking the way you look. 

And wearing a lovely dress only seems to highlight your self-perceived flaws.

“Do you really think it looks okay?” You ask again, fiddling with the satin self-consciously. 

Rafayel’s brow furrows a little. He tilts his head, looking almost like a confused puppy, “What is it? Do you not like the dress? Do you not want to go anymore? Please don’t make me go alone. These galleries are sooo boring without you, I hate them.”

“They’re your galleries,” you point out, shaking your head with a small smile, “How can you hate them so much? It’s your work, they deserve to be celebrated.”

“Why go stare at my own work when I can spend the night staring at you?”

Heat creeps up your cheeks. Usually you’d have a witty comeback to his flirting, but you can’t find anything tonight, not with how you’re feeling. So you just ruffle his hair fondly, avoiding the intense affection in his gaze.

“Come on, Thomas will be mad if we don’t show up. We need to go.”

Rafayel’s eyes narrow. Before you can pull away, he grabs your wrist, keeping you anchored to where you are. Your heart jumps to your throat at the serious expression he suddenly gives you.

“What’s wrong? You’re acting strange.” 

Being an artist, Rafayel knows you, your face, your body, better than anyone. He’s always looking at you, holding on to every new detail he finds. Like the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh. How the tip of your nose turns rosy when you’re even a little cold. Or how your lips twitch before you lie. Like they are now.

“I’m fine, Raffie, just…tired,” you sigh, tugging against his hold, still trying to avoid him, “Now come on, we should go.”

“Hmmmmm…no.”

You squeak as Rafayel unexpectedly gives your wrist a sharp pull. The momentum sends you tumbling over the back of the couch, right into his lap, and before you can escape, he has you wrapped in his arms. Stuck.

“Rafayel-! Let go of me,” you growl, squirming around hopelessly. The man is surprisingly strong, and with your feet still tossed over the back of the couch, you can’t get enough leverage to escape.

“Nope, not until you tell me what’s wrong,” he hums, arms tightening around your waist.

You huff and give him a solid glare, “This isn’t funny, Rafayel.”

“And neither is hiding something that’s obviously bothering you,” he snips back softly, “You’re a horrible liar, miss bodyguard.”

“I just…” You cross your arms, face feeling warmer and warmer the longer he stares at you. Why does he have to be so stubborn at times like this? “I haven’t been feeling good about myself lately, okay? That’s it, now can we go?”

“Nope.” You resist the urge to groan.

“Thomas is going to throw a fit-”

“He can handle it tonight, I’ll give him a bonus. What’s more important is fixing this.” Rafayel props his chin on your shoulder, a contemplative frown pulling at his lips. “It’ll have to be something creative, which I’m great at, of course. But what?”

“Rafayel, this really isn’t necessary,” you grumble, “I don’t think it’s something you can fix.”

The artist shakes his head, pressing a faint kiss to your shoulder, “I think you underestimate me, cutie. But that’s okay, I think I know exactly what to do.”

Lifting you up, Rafayel sets you back on the couch gingerly and darts off after giving you instructions to not move. A heavy sigh passes your lips as you fix your dress, though it seems a bit pointless now. It doesn’t sound like you’ll be going to the gallery.

A part of you is secretly relieved at that. You love looking at Rafayel’s work, but since it’s his gallery, all the attention would be on him, and, consequently, you as well. It’s a bit suffocating. Still, you’re a little wary of whatever plan he has concocted. Rafayel is as unpredictable as he is talented.

Time seems to tick by slowly as you sit on the couch. You eye the clock, noting each minute as it passes by. Your nerves only continue to rise the longer you’re alone. What on earth is he doing?

On the tenth minute, Rafayel reappears, a mischievous spark in his eyes. He offers you a hand.

“The gallery is ready for you to attend, cutie.”

This time, your eyes narrow, though you still take his hand, allowing him to help you up. “I thought you said we weren’t going?”

“Oh, this is a different kind of gallery,” he hums, looking quite proud of himself, “I think you’ll enjoy this one a lot more. And I’ll be your personal tour guide.”

“How kind,” you muse, fighting your own smile. You might as well humor him, even if it doesn’t help. As long as Rafayel is happy, you can count the night as some kind of success.

Rafayel leads you to one of the spare rooms of the studios. You vaguely remember him telling you at some point that it’s a room he likes to keep his sketchbooks and unfinished projects in. You cast him a curious glance, but his eyes are set ahead as he touches the door, that smile still painted across his lips.

“These works are some of the most important that I’ve ever done, and you’ll be the first to see them. My heart rests in your hands tonight, so be careful, otherwise you might mortally wound me and I’ll never have the courage to paint again.”

You roll your eyes at his antics, about to make a sassy remark, but the words get lost when he presses the door open. Your eyes go wide at the sight before you.

The room is lit by candles, flickering with the flames of his evol. Their light dances across countless artworks spread across the room, hanging on every surface, each one depicting the same subject.

You.

Most of them are sketches, their strokes simple and spontaneous but laden with care, like he had wanted to capture a precious moment for himself. There’s one of you dozing off on the couch, another of you dancing in the kitchen. There’s even one of you holding a stuffy, from one of your many trips to the arcade.

The further you walk into the room, the more detailed the pieces become. 

A charcoal drawing of you in your uniform, gun drawn on something off page. The lines of your body are like water, fluid and graceful, the look in your eyes somehow burning with a fierce determination.

An oil painting of the night you spent at the market. Your image is looking at a sparkler, the light reflected in your eyes like stars, your cheeks painted a soft rosy color that seems to glow. It’s impossibly delicate, each stroke placed with such intention, it’s almost like you’re there again.

The final painting you come to make your face go warm again. It’s of you, curled up under a familiar set of sheets, mostly focused on your face. Your hair pools against the pillow, messy yet somehow charming in its unruliness. The morning sunlight dapples across your skin, highlighting the soft color of your lips and the gentle curve of your smile. But it’s your eyes that really make your breath catch. You can practically see the sleepy fog in them, like you had just woken, but also the undeniable warmth. The love.

It’s…beautiful. They’re all beautiful. And they’re all you.

“This is…” You swallow around the lump in your throat, suddenly feeling off-kilter. “I can’t believe you did all of these.”

Rafayel, who had been following behind you silently, hums softly and curls his arms around your waist. You lean back into his touch, letting it ground you and your swirling emotions.

“It’s been difficult even focusing on my work for the gallery. Everything else seems to pale in comparison when I have such a beautiful muse in front of me all the time,” he murmurs the words against your temple, voice quiet to match the atmosphere of the room. “I could devote lifetimes to painting you and never grow tired of it.”

You bite back a bashful smile, unable to resist the urge to tease him a little, “I didn’t realize I was so distracting.”

“Just ask Thomas. I think this is the most he’s ever had to remind me to finish my work,” Rafayel chuckles, giving your waist a squeeze. “But it was worth the missed deadlines. Afterall, isn’t it my responsibility as your employer and lover to make sure you understand how much I cherish you?”

Your heart flutters wildly as the brazen affection in his tone. It seems to melt away your doubts, replacing them with an overwhelming feeling of fondness for your artist. Only Rafayel would do something like this for you, how could you deny it?

Turning around in his hold, you lean up on your tiptoes and press a kiss to his cheek, which you notice is an absolutely rosy shade of red. It makes you feel even more fond. You really really love this man.

“Thank you, my pretty fish. I feel much better now.”

That dazzling smile lights up his face again, and he leans down to scatter kisses all over your face, whispering between your bouts of giggles, “Anything for you, my queen.”

---

All the smooches. I love this man. I will die on the hill of using the nickname "fish" or "fishie" with him, I think it's soooo cute.

[coolshadowtwins]

PIDW!YQY goes back in time to his disciple days after he dies. He’s alone and upset, and determined to do things right this time. He won’t take a sword too early, but he will still rush to go save SJ because that has to fix something, right?

At least this time he already knows how to read and write, and the basics of cultivating. Everyone is heralding him as a prodigy, and as soon as his child body is ready, he’s taking a sword to go save SJ.

Except there is one other thing he needs to do. He can leave most of his future sect siblings alone to do their thing, and catch up with them later. There’s no point in interfering with something that doesn’t need his help. But! That slimy traitor Shang Qinghua!

He caused so many problems for them. YQY did not want him as a head disciple of An Ding, or as the peak lord, so he goes to do something about it.

Only… Did SQH always act like that? Was he always so nervous? YQY watched him almost cry as an older disciple shoved work onto him, instead of glaring and backstabbing them later. What had happened to him over the years?

What is actually happening is that YQY had known OG!SQH and this is Airplane. Completely different people! But YQY doesn’t know that, and can only assume that SQH betrayed the sect after years and years of hardship! And YQY is selfish, and very SJ focused, but even he isn’t so much of a hypocrite as to condemn SQH for something he wouldn’t condemn SJ for.

So he goes and befriends him. Mostly to keep an eye on him, and to stop him from being a traitor, but still. Meanwhile, SQH is shocked and confused why the future sect leader is even talking to him?? And what to be his friend?? He didn’t really have much of those, and maybe he liked the company, but he knew what was to happen! What was the point in getting close to YQY only to watch him suffer?

Wow, screw that. SQH pulls some strings and goes up to YQY one day and says, “Wow! Look! A mission, for us, two young disciples without swords, days away! Won’t this be fun?!”

YQY stared at the mission sheet, which looks entirely authentic, blankly. It takes them right to the town that he had left SJ in. “Where did you get this?”

“My Shizun.”

“….”

“….your Shizun?”

“…”

“Uhg, find. I might have forged it. For a vacation? It’ll be fun.”

It was not fun. But they got SJ back and ran for it and made it back to the sect in good time. Their shizun’s were upset, but they couldn’t find a way that the mission could have been forged because it was that good. YQY was suddenly glad to have SQH on his side, and is now completely convinced that he had seer powers.

Maybe that was why he joined the demons last time? Years of abuse at the sect, and knowledge that demons would win? YQY hates it, but is only more determined to keep SQH as a friend. He starts laying hints that if SQH ever meets a demon, that YQY would like to know about it! He’ll be less made if he was told, as opposed to finding out later, promise!

SJ, for his part, can tell what YQY is doing to a point. He’s just glad that YQY has actually started manipulating people to his advantage. His Qi-Ge is really growning up.

Don’t ask me what happens what SQH does come up to YQY to tell him about MBJ. I haven’t thought that far lol

[sinofwriting]

Points Have Been Made - Charles Leclerc/Reader/Max Verstappen

Words: 3,363 Summary: Max and Charles find out something happened to their girlfriend. Note(s): Thank you Mak for commissioning this! Mentions of medical stuff, infertility (not reader). One German word, one Dutch word, some French words. Jenson Button appears in this fic, because uh, well, I love him and honestly, I’d like to think (write) him having a weird soft spot for Max (and Charles) after seeing him more recently around Logan.

Masterlist | Support Me!

“Max.” He lets out a hum, his focus on the car and racing line into turn nine. “Box box.” “What?” His eyes flick up to where a yellow or red flag would be waved but there isn’t anything. “I’ve only done three laps on these tires.” “Box box.” His brows furrow beneath his helmet and balaclava at the non-answer.

Pulling off the track and into the pit lane, his fingers tap against the wheel as they pull his car back into the garage. He sits there expecting the mechanics to make some sort of adjustments but instead they start doing what they do at the end of a session, cooling the car down, prepping it for its next use.

He feels a slight pressure to the top of his helmet and then GP is in his line of sight, leaning into his space and car, perfectly helping to cover him with the mechanics and engineers, so the camera can’t see inside. “Something happened, Max. Session is over for you.” His heart starts thudding in his chest, panic threatening to overtake him. “What happened?” His voice is muffled by the helmet but he knows that GP hears it from the way his frown deepens. “Out of the car, Max. We’re doing our best to not let cameras see in, but who knows how long that will last.” Max looks at the mechanics and engineers and only now takes note of how they’re standing. It’s a carefully constructed wall, not allowing the cameras to see him at all. “Alright.” He murmurs.

He focuses on his hands as he disconnects the steering wheel, resting it on top of the car before pulling his gloves off. He doesn’t know why but he expects them to be shaking, but they’re perfectly still, like always. Jaw clenched, he stands, bending at the waist to grab the steering wheel and put it back on before hopping out of the car.

It’s odd to take his helmet off, passing it gratefully to Annie who whisks it and his gloves away.

“What happened?” He asks GP again. A hand is pressed against his back, pushing him to walk and he does. Undoing the near too tight collar of the race suit as he walks. It’s only once they’ve nearly disappeared behind the wall, where outside cameras aren’t allowed that GP speaks. “It’s about Y/N.” And the rug disappears out from underneath his feet.

—

“I’m okay, mama. I promise.” She says, tucking the phone between her shoulder and ear as she rubs at her head. “You're sick. And I know that neither Max or Charles is with you.” “I will be okay, I’m a big girl.” “Your my baby.”

Her heart clenches at her mom’s words. All of her friends growing up and even some now all thought of her mother as overbearing, with the weekly phone calls, daily check ins and texts, but she was her mother’s only child. She grew up knowing that she was supposed to have siblings, that she was never supposed to be an only child, but it hadn’t worked that way for her mother and it had made her protective of her only child.

“I know, mama. But I’m okay.” Her words nearly flatter as a wave of dizziness hits her, but she pushes it away, clutching at the counter with her left hand as her right rubs at her temple. “The weather just changed here in Monaco. Y’know how that goes.” Her mom makes a noise, not believing her. “Pascale will be coming over for dinner, to check on me. Charles' orders. Will you believe her?” “Oh, Kindchen.” Her voice is soft, so reminiscent of her childhood. “It is not that I don’t believe you. It is that you are always the last to notice when you are unwell.” “I will be okay and she will text you to update you. Now go to your book club. I know that it is today.” “It’s not a book club!” “It’s a book club, mama.” She laughs, wincing immediately at the way the movement makes her feel unsteady. “I’ll call you first thing tomorrow alright?” “Alright.” She agrees. “Love you.” “I love you too.”

As soon as her mom hangs up, she takes a deep ragged breath. Her hand on her forehead, that’s damp now with sweat which makes her nose wrinkles, grasps at her phone before setting it on the counter.

It’s only when it knocks into something she realizes she’s had her eyes closed and she doesn’t know for how long. Opening them, she blinks at how bright the kitchen is. Turning her head slowly, her nose wrinkles up again at how the sun is positioned in the sky. No wonder it was so bright.

Letting go of the counter and taking a step towards the living room, she swears when a wave of dizziness rushes over again and she’s clutching at the counter again. The edge of it digging into both of her palms.

“Fuck.” She breathes when it’s passed. She watches as a bead of sweat drips off of her onto arm. She needed a shower. She needed to shower before Pascale got here. With the reminder of Pascale coming in a few hours she takes a few more deep breaths before letting go of the counter and walking.

Only it isn’t just a wave of dizziness that hits her, but a tidal wave and before she can catch herself, she falls to the floor, head hitting the tile hard and knocking her out.

—

“What happened to her?” Max asks, feet seeming to be glued to the floor as GP tries to push him deeper. “GP, what happened?” GP looks around before leaning into his space, a hand on the back of his neck pressing, and Max lets him push his head down. “Pascale found her passed out, she hit her head on the way down. They’re still waiting for test results.” “But,” His mind is whirling, trying and failing to understand what is happening. “Where is Charles?” If GP is surprised by his next question he doesn’t show it. “He’s still out there. He just about told Xavi to fuck himself when Xavi told him to abort his lap.” Normally that would make Max smirk, chuckle but he can’t be bothered. “I need to tell him. He can’t hear it from Xavi or Fred.” “Andrea was going to tell him.” Max shakes his head. “She’s in Monaco. Charles can’t find out by himself.” He looks at GP pleadingly and the older man nods. “I know, go and get out of your race suit and you can go right on over. Fred is expecting you.” Max quickly claps GP on the shoulder. “Thank you. Thank you.” He rushes to say again as he moves quickly to his room.

—

Charles is grinning as his car is pulled into the garage. He doesn’t know what Xavi was thinking, telling him to abandon that lap. It was amazing. And yes he knew that his session was over, cut short due to a new setup that they wanted to try out, but it was fine. This track had always treated him nicely and with this car, it would hopefully even treat him to a win or he mused considering Max, second place.

Climbing out of the car and pulling his gloves and then helmet off, he doesn’t notice the way the engineers and mechanics are blocking the cameras from seeing anything, or the worried looks from Fred and Xavi. He just notices the worry on Andrea’s face when he catches sight of Max, standing just out of sight if you look into the garage, close to where the drivers rooms are. And he does notice the look on Max’s face, it makes his stomach drop and he rushes to him, not even murmuring a thank you to Jean who takes his helmet and gloves from him.

“Max,” he breathes, hands fluttering before they rest gently on his face. “What happened, Mon coeur?” “Charles,” his name is broken up by a stuttered breath. “Did something happen to Sophie? Vic? Luke? Leo? Jos?” Max shakes his head at every name. Dread fills him even more. “Y/N?” Max’s eyes close and he nods. “No.”

“Charles.” Andrea’s voice is in his ear, ushering him forward. “Let’s get you both somewhere private.” He nods, letting his hands fall away from Max’s face, though he can’t help but to grab Max’s hand, intertwining their fingers, needing the touch, and Max clearly does too with the way he squeezes his hand back.

As soon as his driver's room door shuts, Andrea speaks again before Charles can ask anything.

“Pascale called me maybe ten minutes ago. She went over to yours for dinner, to check on Y/N and found her passed out on the kitchen floor.” Charles makes a wounded noise and his already tight grip on Max’s hand grows worse and the barely older man doesn’t even wince or jump. Doesn’t seem to notice. “They’re at the hospital.” Andrea’s voice is somehow even gentler than before when he says it. “They are at?” “Yes.” “Oh, maman.” He murmurs, feeling tears prick his eyes and Max drops his hand, wrapping an arm around him, bringing him close. “They are waiting for test results.” Max says. “GP made me box. He told me and I rushed over here.” “I,” Charles shudders. “Is she okay? I mean she passed out on the floor. How?” “I don’t know. They only just got there or at least that’s what it sounded like.” Charles nodded. “Thank you, Andrea. For getting a hold of GP.” Andrea sends Max a look. “Of course, Max.”

Andrea leaves the room, leaving them alone and Max as soon as the door shuts, wraps Charles completely in a hug, holding him tight as he tries to comfort himself with at least having one of his partners healthy and safe in his arms.

“I,” Charles struggles again. “I should call someone to go be with maman. She shouldn’t be there alone. Not at least till I can get there.” “Charles,” Max starts to say and Charles shakes his head, pushing away. “No, Max. I know it is a race weekend. But it is just a two-hour flight away, I can be back before qualifying if it is not too bad.” “Charles,” he tries again. “I have to go. I can’t just be here while she is unwell.” “Charles,” and this time Max is holding his face, making him incapable of speaking. “I am going with you. Fuck the race. If it is bad, it is not like we will lose our spots in the championship. Everyone else is more than forty points behind, we will be fine. Let me call my pilot, the jet will be ready by the time we get to the airport.” “Merci, Max.” Charles breaths, pressing their lips together. “Merci.”

—

“Pascale?” She mumbles when she opens her eyes and sees the woman sitting beside her. “Did I fall asleep?” She tries to sit up but her head aches, making her groan, and Pascale is gently pushing her back down. “Lay down, sweetheart.” “What?” Her eyes wander around the room as she realizes this isn’t her, Max, and Charles shared place. It’s far too clean, sterile. She tries to lift her arm and winces when there’s a tugging sensation. Her eyes fall to her arm and more confusion builds as she sees an IV. “Pascale, what happened?” “I found you passed out on the kitchen floor.” “But,” she couldn’t have passed out. Right? Her mind struggled to remember it. She knew she had been feeling dizzy, but enough to pass out. “Are we at the hospital?” “We are.” Pascale’s hand pats hers. “I will be right back. I’m going to get the nurse, okay?” She nods and as Pascale darts out the room, her eyes land on someone sitting just outside her room. “Jenson?”

—

“Anything new?” Charles shakes his head, frowning at his phone. “Like before, they knew that she was dehydrated as soon as she came in but they are still waiting for everything else to come back.” “What is taking so long? Is it money?” Max runs his hand through his hair, before he looks at Charles. “Call them, the hospital. Throw your name around, prince of Monaco.” “Max.” Charles hisses. “I am not the prince of Monaco. And I can’t call them. Nothing will happen if I call.” He huffs, slumping back in his seat.

It's silent for a moment.

“Are you,” “Yes, I’m sure, Max.” He reaches over and squeezes Max’s hand before tangling their fingers together, lifting them to give him a kiss. “We will be there soon.”

—

She tries her best to focus on the doctor as they examine her but her eyes keep going to Jenson. Now inside of her room and standing in the corner, arms crossed over his chest as he watches intently.

“You have a mild concussion from the fall. The back of your head will be tender.” “But why did she faint?” The doctor frowns, “Normally I’d have the answer for you. But our lab is abnormally backed up and we are down to one lab technician. As soon as the results are in, I will be back to give them to you.” “Take your time.” She smiles.

Jenson shakes his head when the doctor leaves. “How does Monaco, of all places, have only one lab technician working?” “Jenson, what are you doing here?” He smiles at her, coming closer to her and bending quickly to press a kiss to her cheek. “Max texted me. Asked me to keep you and Pascale company. I was already here in Monaco.” She smiles at the older driver. He and Max’s friendship wasn’t too well known, but they talked often. Then she frowns, because Max had asked him. “Max asked you?” Her eyes then look over at Pascale. “I texted Andrea.” She nods. “Can you tell them I’m okay. There is no need to worry.” “Sweetheart.” “Pascale, I’m okay. I haven’t felt dizzy since I woke up, my head hurts a little from the concussion that’s all.”

Before Pascale can respond her attention is drawn away by the sound of the room door practically being thrown up and two voices on top of each other.

“Cheri!” “Schat!”

—

“We were so worried.” Charles murmurs, holding her face gently. “How is your head feeling?” Max asks, sitting beside her on the bed, arm wrapped around her. “I’m okay.” She smiles at both of them. “My head hurts a bit, but that will go away soon enough.” Charles frowns, fingers gently brushing over her cheekbones, before he drops his hands to hold both of hers. “Are you sure? I’m sure we could get you some meds.” “I’m sure, Prince Charles could get you some meds.” Max whispers in her ear making her laugh while Charles sends him a dirty look, though a smile is playing on his lips. “Don’t listen to him, Cherie.” She smiles at Charles, carefully leaning forward to press their lips together. Before being even more careful as she turns her head to kiss Max.

“Thank you both for coming.” “Of course.” “Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Charles and her both look at Max, eyebrows raised. “Okay, I can think of places I’d rather we be.” He admits. Charles shakes his head, “so silly.” He murmurs, leaning across her to kiss Max. “Now, why don’t we have your test results back yet?”

“There’s a backlog.” Jenson says, grinning when Charles jumps at the sound of his voice. “Max sent me over to keep them company as soon as you guys figured out the game plan.” Charles' entire face softens and Max flushes at the look their boyfriend sends him. “And they only have one lab technician.” Max lets out a curse. “Did you try bribing them?” “I could go try if you’d like.” Max starts to nod, but a knock sounds on the door and it opens.

She watches as the doctor blinks at the two new people in her room but ignores them, focusing on her. “I’ve got your results right here. Hypoglycemia. Low blood sugar and I mean very low blood sugar. When’s the last time you ate?” Her brows furrow.

She remembered eating Tuesday night with Max and Charles before they left. A nice dinner that her and Max made, Charles pouring them more drinks or chopping and stirring things. But she had eaten something the next morning hadn’t she? Her head throbs as she thinks, but she ignores it, trying to remember and winces from both the pain and the realization that she hadn’t eaten anything since Tuesday night.

“Tuesday night. I was going to eat breakfast on Wednesday but we were out of my breakfast bars and then I got so busy and I just wasn’t hungry.” “Are you not hungry often?” “Sometimes. But even then I make sure to eat at least one meal a day, I snack throughout. I’ve never done this before.” They nod. “As long as this isn’t a normal occurrence, I don’t see an issue. But, you need to make sure you are eating often. You don’t want to be back in here because you forgot to eat and it made your blood sugar drop.” “Of course. Thank you so much.” They nod. “I’ll get your discharge paperwork done and as soon as you're finished with the bag, you’ll be free to go.”

—

“When are you guys flying back?” She asks, Max’s head in her lap, her fingers combing through his hair as she leans against Charles. Max makes a face. “We won’t be.”

Charles and him had both talked about it as they got Pascale home and she settled in. Their teams would be unhappy, but it wasn’t like they could be overtaken in the championship. They could live. And they had two weeks after this with no racing. Two weeks where they could make sure she was eating, taking care of herself. And she’d be going to the next race anyway. This had been a sort of one-off due to all the things that had piled up at home.

“What do you mean you won’t be?” “We can miss a race. Max is twenty points ahead of me, I am forty-seven points ahead of Oscar.” “I have so many questions about that.” She murmurs, because god what was this season. Checo barely hung onto fourth in the championship with George hunting him down, Lewis and Lando hunting down George. Barely fifteen points collectively separating third to seventh. Charles snorts. “Many people would like to know the same.” “You should go though. Put more of a lead in the points.” Max and Charles share a look, a bit hard with their positions but they manage. “No.” They both agree. “I can survive not even two days. I’ll go stay with Pascale. Have Arthur stay with me. Or Jenson since he’s here in Monaco.” “No.” They say again at the same time. “You are far more important than another twenty-five or eighteen points.” Max continues. She sighs, looking at them both. “Three stubborn people is way too many people in a relationship.” “I think it’s perfect.” “Suck up.” Max coughs and Charles flicks him on the forehead. “Says you.”

“Boys, settle down.” “Love you.” They chorus. She shakes her head, sighing. “If you will not go without me, I will just go with you.” “You have a concussion.” “A mild concussion. And we all know that you have flown before with a concussion, Charles.” He pouts, “it was just once.” “Twice.” Max coughs and Charles flicks him again.

“I will go with you tomorrow. Just please make the flight later than eight am.” “Done.” Max says, already texting his flight crew. “Thank you.” She starts to bend to kiss Max, when her face is redirected to look at Charles and he kisses her. She expects Max to whine but as soon as Charles is done, Max is turning her head the other way, no longer laying in her lap, to kiss her as well.

@fanboyluvr @teti-menchon0604 @darleneslane @ironspdy @rewmuslupin @copper-boom @eutrizbea @namgification @eugene-emt-roe @skepvids @elliegrey2803 @stopeatread @hiireadstuff

[loveundrwrld]

yan bully (past) x gn reader

kinda angsty, wanted to do something different with the concept of a yan bully. do make sure to heed the content warnings on this one as this is a little more dark/potentially triggering than what i typically post.

(cws: bullying, trauma from said bullying, implied childhood trauma, stalking, yandere is kinda self-destructive(?) for lack of a better word, general yandere shenanigans)

- yandere bully who taunted and tormented you in childhood . . . though, he doesn't initially remember it that way

- when it started, he was just ‘playing’ with you. and as time went on, he started to unconsciously project his complicated feelings onto you. just ‘pranks’ and ‘playing around’ to release some of his stress. and when his friends join in, he sees nothing wrong with it.

- your reactions are funny- and he wants to share that with his friends. why would that be wrong?

- he’s been treated the same way- and to him, he thinks he ‘turned out just fine.’ so it’s ok, isn’t it?

- after all, when you try to get teachers involved . . . they don’t think it’s an issue either. just kids playing around. so why should he feel bad?

- the reader, after a while of being bullied nearly daily, becomes apathetic to it. this irritates him. he wants to be in the forefront of your mind, for better or for worse . . . though, he doesn’t quite know why.

- he becomes more focused after that, more obsessive. he doesn’t really let his friends tease you as much anymore- though, that mercy is short-lived as he solely focuses on you instead.

- after a bit, you graduate from school and go to college, seemingly now only focused on your studies. you don’t reach out to him, or any of his friends for that matter. from what he hears about you, you aren’t interested in getting in touch with anyone from your old school at all.

- this agitates him. he needs, he realizes, to be in your life somehow. perhaps he was a little too mean, he realizes, but surely you’ve gotten over it, right?

- he begins to stalk you, trying to figure out more about what you’re like now, needing to see more about you. he sees, with a sinking pit in his stomach of realization, how paranoid you are now. how scared you are of new people, how jumpy you are when other people surprise you. how resistant you are to make new friends.

- at first he’s in denial. it couldn’t have been him who made you that way, could it? something must have happened.

- but he realizes, over time, that how he treated you was very wrong. he thinks now about treating you like the way he once did . . . and he feels sick. how could he have taken his anger out, on someone like you?

- but despite that, he finds that he absolutely needs to know everything about you now. he can’t let you out of his sight, he has a desperate hunger to see everything he can about you.

- eventually he starts trying to contact you . . . to let you know just how sorry he is. he’ll make it known to you how much he desires your forgiveness, how much of a painful need it is for him. how much he’s changed, and how much he regrets hurting you.

- he lets you know that, if you what you want is revenge? he’s perfectly happy doing anything you want to any of his former “friends.” he can help you . . . and even help you hurt him, if that’s what you want. just so long as he can see you.

- you ignore his letters, dumping them in the trash without reading them. and a part of himself that he doesn’t want to admit still exists . . . is angry. can’t you see how much he needs your forgiveness now?

- despite knowing better, and knowing he’s only going further towards upsetting you once again . . . he still needs to see you, to write to you.

- he just can’t live without you.

[lovelettersfromluna]

˚ ༘⋆｡˚❀ Blossom ❀˚｡⋆ ༘˚

{Ellie Williams x Reader}

Summary: Ellie broke up with you in high school right before she left for college. At the time, it left you devastated….five years later, she’s back. And she’s back for you.

an: hi my angels! I KNOW I KNOW I HEAR YOU ALL YELLING AT ME I’m sorry this took so long. This isn’t exactly what any of you asked for, but it’s an idea Ive had for a while. Once I started it I seriously could not stop until I was finished. Yes this is a cliff hanger, and yes I’m planning a part 2. I have a bunch other things coming up as well! I hope you’re all doing well, and I thank you so so much for the patience you all have with me. I really hope you guys like this one, enjoy my loves 🖤🖤

Warnings: 18+!! Smut!! Angst!! (Is it a fic of mine if there isn’t angst at this point), small town!Ellie, it’s summer time ofc hehe, fingering (r!receiving), nipple play (r!receiving), petnames, Ellie hurt reader in the past but is extremely desperate for her now, lots of kissing, let me know if I missed anything pleaseee. (Not proofread)

You can read part 2 here!

“But…can’t we just…can you just rethink this Ellie? You always said we would be-“ Ellie was quick to cut you off as she shoved the remainder of your things into a box, her eyes never once turning in your direction as you sat on her bed, eyes staring up at her as you practically begged her to just take a moment and think about this.

“I’ve already made up my mind. I don’t want to have to worry about you while I’m away, this is what’s best” her words are cold, and stern and it almost doesn’t even sound like her, like your girlfriend isn’t even living inside the person who is currently rummaging through her closet to look for the random things you’d left throughout the years.

And you aren’t even sure what to say. Fat tears are rolling down your cheeks as you silently cry, sitting on Ellie’s bed as you plead with her to just….fucking listen to you.

The soft sniffle you let out is what finally has her looking in your direction, and she sighs. You look so small, so defeated, and she knows she’s being rough with you right now. For some reason, she doesn’t seem to care.

She puts her hand on her hip, standing near her closet for a moment before she reaches down and grabs the box, setting it on her desk. She walks over to you, standing over you as you stare down at your hands, silently crying on her bed.

“Come on…it’s late and I need to start packing…” She mumbles out, you can’t help but look up at her in disbelief. You had never seen her be this cold towards you, she was always warm and welcoming. This new side of her made you feel sick.

You know there isn’t any use in sitting there and begging her, and you decided you’d save any pride that you had left, and stop yourself from further embarrassment. You stand up, roughly wiping away your tears as you make your way towards her door. When you turn around, opening your mouth to say one last thing to her, she shoves the box into your arms and slams the door in your face.

That was five years ago.

Sometimes if you think about it hard enough, you can still think about those feelings you felt that night. Eighteen years old, heartbroken, confused, sobbing into your pillow as you begged the invisible force that was the universe to explain to you why this happened to you, and what you could have done to change the unforgiving course that your relationship with Ellie took.

And it wasn’t to say that it was sudden, or that you didn’t suspect it, you did. Your break up with Ellie was something that was bound to happen, and you both knew that, it was just her demeanor that made it seemed as though she never cared for you that came as a surprise.

Ever since the final months of your senior year together, your relationship had been estranged. Ellie had been so distant, so focused on college, but so where you. You were both extremely involved with your academic life, with your writing career being so important to you, and Ellie wanting to desperately get out of the small town you both lived in, your lives had been set in stone from the moment you both got your acceptance letters from your colleges.

The thing is, they were nowhere near each other. And you knew that it would be hard to keep a relationship with Ellie. However, you expected things to go differently, to keep in touch with the girl that had grown to be your favorite person in the entire world from the moment she took you under her wing on the first day of ninth grade.

But that isn’t what happened at all. Ellie threw you away, shoving a box of your things into your arms and sending you home without even a simple goodbye before she was getting on a plane to go to Europe for college.

As time went on, you understood why she did what she did, you just wished she’d done it differently.

And maybe you never truly got over the girl that you had fallen in love with when you were so young. Regardless of if it was puppy love or not, it was love, and your youth would never be able to take away from that.

You never truly forgave Ellie either. You got over it, and you one day woke up and figured there was no use in dwelling on something that had already happened, and that you could not change, especially since you were in college as well. You quite literally had the life you dreamed of, and worked for since you were a little girl and you weren’t taking advantage of it because of a girl that broke your heart, and no longer cared about you.

Because you knew Ellie, and you knew that she would be living her life, doing all the things she wanted to do, traveling the world and enjoying herself without anything holding her back.

So that’s what you did, you lived your life. Because no matter how upset you were, no one had the right to rob you of that.

You enjoyed the rest of your time at college, making life long friends and memories, enjoying the life of a young person living in a big city, studying your most loved subjects, even finding a cute girl every once in a while to fill the void that was your love life.

But you did it all with the girl who broke your heart in mind, the wild fire that once burned inside of you and forced countless tears from your eyes succumbing to a few pieces of burnt wood, still glowing from the previous flames that engulfed them.

Calm, but still there.

After college, you took on a few jobs and internships that would benefit your writing career, getting you in touch with good people that would point you in the write direction. You were praised for being a young writer with such a knack for writing, and before you knew it, you had an agent and a publicist who were eager to get your work on the shelves.

The city was loud, and bustling. And while it was amazing for you to party until the sun came up, and to make out with strangers outside of a bar, it wasn’t the best for writing. It was too loud, and you found that your constant state of writers block came from the overwhelming sense of stimulation that came from the city and the people in it.

It’s how you found yourself coming back to your home town during the summer, purchasing a small house in a quiet neighborhood near your parents old house. It’s small, and quiet, and has the prettiest garden with the prettiest flowers. You feel the creativity flowing through your veins the minute you sit down on the couch near your window, the calm breeze blowing through your hair.

And regardless of the fact that it’s your first time home since you left for college, and the sleepy town you grew up in holds so much hurt and pain from your younger years, you’re writing, and you’re happy.

And there’s no harm in making new memories to replace the bad ones.

It’s a normal day for you, the summer breeze is warm and inviting, and you find that these days are the best to take advantage of. The weather is nice, and warm enough that you’re able to lay out and write to your hearts content, but not hot to the point of feeling as though your brain is melting inside of your skull. You find yourself at the park near your house, laid out on a white sheet you brought from home. You chose a spot near the lake under a shady tree.

You were so confident in your newest work, finding yourself smiling like an idiot every time you felt you were typing too fast for your fingers to keep up with your thoughts. You liked it that way, getting so lost in your own little world, making it so easy to avoid the outside world that was around you.

So lost, that you didn’t even hear the low chuckle behind you.

You had to blink a few times, seemingly breaking yourself out of your trance. Your eyes had to adjust a bit to the warm glow of the afternoon instead of the bright morning sun that you remembered looking at when you first got to the park. Your eyes widened a bit when you checked the time, realizing how much time had past. You had spent the entire day writing.

“Writin’ again huh? You gettin’ close to the end?” Joel rasped out.

Joel had always loved you. From the moment Ellie brought you home, he was just as enamored with you as she was. He was used to his daughter bringing home friends all the time, always mixing up the old names with the new ones and opting to give them a polite greeting before she was dragging them up to her bedroom, Ellie always had a thing for picking up strays, he’d tell her.

But you, you were different. He saw the way Ellie’s eyes twinkled when she talked about you, the way her freckled cheeks would burn red every time he mentioned you, and whether or not Ellie wanted to invite you over for dinner. You made his daughter happy, and he loved you for that.

He wasn’t the happiest when he realized Ellie had ended things. Once the smiles that came with the mention of your name turned into aggravated huffs and eager attempts at trying to brush it off, he figured things didn’t end well.

That, and the fact that he spotted you leaving Ellie’s bedroom with a box filled with your things and tears streaming down your cheeks.

He told Ellie that night, that girls like you were hard to find. And that he hoped she at least had the decency to let you down easy, because that’s how he had raised her.

At least he hoped.

The hardest part about coming back home after so long, was that you’d feel lonely. Your parents had sold their house and decided to travel after you left, and while you were extremely happy for them, you couldn’t help but feel empty with a lack of parental guidance and warmth close by.

Joel made sure you were never without it.

When he saw the little house with the cute garden that you always talked about when you were younger had been sold, he figured you were coming back. He made sure to call you before you arrived, the man always keeping your number in his phone, regardless of the fact that his daughter had begged him time and time again to delete it.

Joel was at your door the week you moved in, pulling you into a big bear hug. The smell of his cologne and fresh cut grass almost had you in tears, because it made you remember just how much you missed home, how much you missed him…

How much you missed Ellie.

So, ever since you were back home, Joel never really went a day without seeing you. He’d take you into town to run some errands, you’d drop off some dinner to him once in a while, making sure he was eating and healthy. You’d even made it a tradition to have coffee once a week together.

Joel was lonely, you saw it in his eyes. He missed his daughter dearly and he didn’t seem to handle being an empty nester as well as your parents did. Ellie had done an amazing job at avoiding her home town as much as possible, never visiting for more than a weekend.

Joel needed a kid to look after, and you needed a parent to look after you.

You giggled softly as you closed your laptop and put it in your messenger bag. Joel was already close by, his calloused hand reaching out for yours and helping you onto your feet. You brushed your hand down your dress, getting any wrinkles out before you let out a sigh, shaking your head.

“Unfortunately not. This one’s gonna be a long one…it’ll be worth it though” you nod to yourself as you grab your sheet from the ground. Joel is already on the other side as he helps you fold it up, causing you to smile softly. “What has you out here today? Going into town?”

Joel nods in agreement, “always is kiddo. Always said you were gonna be a big author someday” he gives you a genuine smile, making his eyes crinkle until they were almost gone. He’s so proud of you, he always has been and it’s nearly enough to make your heart melt.

You smile softly as you adjust your bag on your shoulder after you put your sheet inside of it. You and Joel begin walking away from the lake and towards the side walk, and you can already see his pick up truck parked under a shady tree.

“Comin out of town actually, was in need of some groceries” He groans out, causing you to laugh softly. Joel hates grocery shopping, says he gets too distracted and never knows what he’s out of or doesn’t need.

But there’s something else there, his tone is different and you can’t help but feel like there’s something else on his mind. Something bothering him.

You bend your head down a bit, trying to get a better look at the older man’s face before you give him a small hum. “You okay Joel? Something on your mind?” You question softly. You assume he’s just missing his daughter, and you know he’d never come to you to vent about it since he knows how you feel about her.

He lets out a sigh, like he’d been holding it in from the moment he woke up, and it’s all you need to confirm that there is in fact something bothering him.

You’re both standing in front of his car at this point, the summer breeze getting cooler against your skin now that the sun has set. Joel turns towards you so that he’s facing you, and the look on his face has you worried.

He lets out another sigh, and your eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and concern as you stare up at him. “Listen kid..I uh…I can’t lie to you…wouldn’t sit right on my conscience and all…” he lets out, and you’re already scared of what he’ll say next.

“I didn’t…didn’t mean to say, really I didn’t I…it just slipped is all, when I was on the phone with her and..” he sighs softly, pausing for a moment before he starts again.

“Ellie’s coming home..” he dead pans.

And before you can even fully comprehend what he’s saying, you’re eighteen years old again, crying on your bed, begging for an answer, blaming yourself for not being enough. You can’t even fully understand that he basically just said she’s coming back because he mentioned that you’re back, because you suddenly feel like you can’t breath. Any and all progress you had made on yourself, and getting over what she did to you is set back. It’s like you didn’t make any at all to begin with, and your heart is breaking all over again.

Joel must sense that you aren’t okay, because he frowns as he waits for you to say something. He reaches out, pressing his hand against your shoulder. “Kiddo? You with me?” He asks softly, and his rough voice is the only thing that is bringing you back to earth.

You blink your eyes a few times, finally looking into his eyes rather than right through him. His expression breaks your heart, because you know he’s blaming himself for this, and he’s blaming himself for hurting you when that isn’t at all the case.

You give him a sad, small before you nod. “I’m with you Joel…” you mumble softly before you let out a sigh, paired with a half shrug.

“Things with me and Ellie…it happened, and it happened a long time ago and I can’t stop her from coming back, or you from seeing your daughter…I’m okay Joel. I promise” you nod, trying to assure the man that despite the fact that you quite literally just short circuited for a minute, that you are okay.

But he doesn’t buy it. His expression is still worried and concerned as he looks down at you. “C’mon kid…you can talk to me..just because she’s my-“ you giggle softly as you ball up your fist, punching his arm playfully to stop him before you shake your head.

“Im good Joel…it’s been long enough that…it doesn’t bother me anymore” you sigh out, trying to convince not only him but yourself.

You inhale deeply, the breeze forcing leaves to dance around both your feet before you nod towards the direction of your house. “M’gonna head home…enjoy your time with her, okay?” Your words are genuine, because you know how much he needs this, how much he needs her.

He opens his mouth to say something, to explain that although he’s looking forward to his daughter returning, he knows that it isn’t him that she’s returning for. He wants to explain that this visit has been entirely motivated by you.

But he doesn’t, he simply gives you a gentle smile as he nods. “You sure you don’t need a ride home kid?” He calls out as you’re already turning around, making your way down the familiar path that leads to your house.

You smile as you shake your head, turning around a bit as you call out to him. “The walk is good! You gotta get her room ready for her anyways. Night Joel!” You call out, cutting the conversation down completely.

Because you know you can’t do it anymore. You have to create a game plan for yourself to avoid Ellie for the next however many days she’ll be in town. You need to be alone, and in your own space so that you’re able to properly digest the news that you’d just received.

Your ex girlfriend was coming back home. The ex girlfriend that had ripped your heart out and shred it into a million tiny little pieces, that you hadn’t heard from for the last five years, who you were sure you’d go the rest of your life without seeing, was coming back to the small town that you were both from, where it all started.

You were so fucked.

Joel never have you a specific date on when his daughter was coming home, but you figured she was back once Joel’s daily texts and visits had become more sparse.

His silence was your sign to make yourself a scarce as possible. You made sure to only go out for necessities late at night, right before the shops in town closed, or extremely early before anyone in their right mind would be out.

And other than that, you’d stay home. You utilized your backyard for any sunlight you needed to get, and you were practically glued to your favorite couch near the window for a light breeze when wanting to write.

Although you were coming down with a slight case of cabin fever, you were safe from any awkward interactions, and that was fine by you.

You had spent the day cleaning, needing a bit of a reset for the new week coming in. You opened up all the windows, letting in a light breeze and airing out your house as you played music and made your way around your home, washing your sheets and folding laundry. It was therapeutic to you in a way, being able to rest later in the day in a clean home.

And that’s what you were doing now, you were showered and changed into your favorite pair of pajamas, a pair of cotton shorts with little stars on them and a tank top. You were sitting on your wooden floor in your living room, your brows furrowed as you slowly dragged the nail polish brush over one of your toes, trying to find something to do to kill the time before you had to hop into bed.

The windows were still open, a soft breeze blowing in as you hummed a random melody to yourself, your chin pressed against your knee to stabilize yourself as you painted your toes. In that moment you were so content, your head so empty of any racing thoughts that you weren’t even concerned about Ellie, or that fact that she was currently in the same town as you. It didn’t matter to you anymore.

Until you heard a firm knock at your door.

You frowned softly as you looked up at the clock on your wall, and then out one of your windows. It was already far too late for visitors, and you weren’t expecting any anyways. You sighed softly as you blew cool air gently onto your drying toes before carefully getting up, and tip toeing over to your door.

You figured it was your next door neighbor, the old woman becoming somewhat of a friend to you since you had moved in. She often came over needing help to video chat her grand kids, or to drop off some extra pastries she’d made. It worried you a bit that she’d be coming over so late in the night, a soft sigh leaving your lips as you prepared yourself to warn the old woman about the dangers of walking around so late at night, even if it was right next door.

But it wasn’t your sweet next door neighbor. It was Ellie.

You audibly gasp, your eyes going wide as you stare up at her, because you realize in that moment just how long it’s been since you’ve seen her face, and not imagined it.

She’s much taller now, her face is no longer round and youthful, but instead sharper. Her hair is much shorter, the spiky ends laying flat against the nape of her neck. You figure she cut it herself because of that. She’s still sporting the same side part, her brown fringe laying across her forehead and nearly spilling out onto her pretty green eyes.

Her eyes, they’re the same but so much different. They’re still the same shade of emerald you used to love so much, but they seem to be missing something. A certain sparkle that had been there the last few times you saw there isn’t there anymore, and it makes you want to reach out and grab her.

Your hand is gripping your door so hard, you’re sure it was enough to pull the hinges off. You’re at a loss for words, because your ex girlfriend is standing in front of you, and she’s taller, and her features are sharper, and she’s exuding something that she didn’t before all while lacking something that she used to have and….

And you can’t fucking breath.

Just like her father, she can see what’s going on inside your head. She’s chewing at her lip anxiously, because she isn’t sure how much time has passed, but enough has passed that she’s worried about you, and she’s worried about the fact that you haven’t said a single thing.

Ellie steps forward, trying to close the space between the two of you. It doesn’t close, because you back away the second you see her moving. It’s like you’re scared of her, afraid of uttering a single word to the girl in fear that it’ll only create more sorrowful memories that you’ll have to bury with the rest.

You know that if you don’t speak, she won’t leave.

“Ellie?” You breath out, as if you’d been holding it in from the moment you saw her. Ellie realizes how long it’s been since she’s heard you say her name, and now she can’t breath. Your voice hasn’t changed much, and the memories she had of you were becoming more and more blurry with each passing day. Distant echos if your voice calling her name becoming harder to decipher, unable to even tell if it was yours anymore.

But it all comes flooding back when you say it. Memories of you laying your head in her lap, or whispering sweet words in her ear. It’s all coming back in the blink of an eye and she almost can’t handle it.

She breaths out your name as well, and it’s almost like a sigh of relief. Relieved that you remember her, and that she’s standing in front of you and seeing you in the flesh, and not in a dream.

Your eyebrows furrow as she stares down at you, and you make no move to let her in further.

“Why are you here?” You mumble softly, voice thick with defense. You have to protect yourself from her, you promised yourself you would the day she broke you, and you have every intention to keep that promise.

Ellie bites her lips gently before she clears her throat. “I um..I just needed a walk…I got in a few nights ago and uh..Joel told me you lived here now, so..” she trails off. You aren’t sure you’d ever seen Ellie be this fucking awkward. Despite the confidence that oozes from her current appearance, she seems small and nervous and it almost makes you laugh.

You don’t laugh.

You furrow your eyebrows further as you eye her before you roll your eyes, already fed up with the girls excuse. “Joel’s house is on the other side of town, Ellie. Don’t play it off as if you were just in the neighborhood..” you huff out. You can’t help but ice her out, because you’ve held animosity towards Ellie for the last five years. No matter how much you wanted to get over it and be the bigger person, you’re still pissed at her.

Ellie blinks her eyes quickly in shock. She isn’t used to this tone coming from you. Her memories of you were always so sweet, and warm. She knew you wouldn’t take shit from anyone, and it was something she always loved about you.

Just not when you wouldn’t take shit from her.

Her large hand comes up to awkwardly scratch the back of her neck. You feel your insides warm up because you catch a glimpse of the large tattoo that’s covering her hand.

Damn her for getting so fucking hot over the years.

“You got me there…didn’t come as a shock though. You always loved this house” she hummed softly as she looked up at the door, and then down at the pretty flowers that decorated your front yard. It was almost like you in house form.

You tug your bottom lip under your teeth as your eyes avert to your toes, silently cursing yourself because you smudged your pinky during all the excitement that came with seeing Ellie again. You aren’t sure if it’s a good thing, or a bad thing that she remembers little things like that about you.

You figure it’s a bad thing.

You inhale deeply, still staring down at your feet. It’s killing Ellie that you won’t even look at her, she can see the prominent little frown on your face even though you’re looking down. That stupid pout was always her weakness. It’s why she refused to look at you when she broke up with you the night before she flew out to Europe.

“I think it’s best you leave, Ellie…” you mumble softly, suddenly feeling small under the girls gaze. She hates it, because she at least got to stare into your pretty eyes when you were scolding her or being mean to her. But when you were like this….it made it feel worse than all of that.

She knew she deserved it. She knew that what you were now, what you had become, was a result of her own actions. She was the one that did this, she was the one that put you in the position to treat her this way, she knew that…

She just hoped it wouldn’t have been this bad.

She doesn’t say anything, and you take that as an answer enough. You’d rather not stand at your front door being stared at by your ex girlfriend, the only sound being that of the crickets in your garden and the rustling of tree branches in the wind. So, you let out a soft sigh and gently begin pushing your door close, because you can’t take it anymore. You can’t continue being close to her because it still hurts, and you hate that it still hurts after all of this time. It makes you feel pathetic and weak, and you don’t want to deal with it anymore.

But Ellie has other plans.

Her reflexes are just as fast as you remember, because her tattooed hand comes up quickly, palm pressed flat against your door to stop you from closing it on her. The sound of it makes your eyes snap up to hers, and a sense of pride spreads through her chest because she’s finally got your eyes back on her.

She inhales deeply, pink tongue poking out of her mouth as she licks her lips. She has to think fast, and she has to find a way to keep you here because she knows she’s losing you.

“Let me take you out” she blurts out, and it makes your eyes go wide. You used to want nothing more than this, than to have Ellie at your front door, asking you out on a date.

But now that it was happening, it made you feel sick.

You let out a soft sigh, shaking your head as you tried pushing the door further against the strength of her palm. “That’s not a good idea, Ellie…just…go home…” you mumble out tiredly. Ellie almost let’s out a whine because you’re slipping through her fingers again and it seems like everything she tries isn’t fucking working.

“Please.” She begs, and her tone makes you stop pushing. You stand there as she stares down at you, eyebrows knitted as she silently begs you to hear her out, to not shut her out like she did many years ago.

“Just…so we can talk about everything…and then I’ll…I’ll leave you alone. I promise” she breaths out. Her words are genuine, and although it’s been a long time, you know Ellie, and you know when she’s telling the truth and when she isn’t. Regardless of the fact that she doesn’t deserve it, you can’t help but stare up into those pools of emerald and give in to her, just like you always did.

You let out a gentle sigh before you give her a nod. “I…fine…meet me in town tomorrow morning. Your dad has my-“ she cuts you off before you can even go any further.

“Has your number, I know.” She chuckles softly, hoping that she’s able to lighten the mood even a little bit. But you don’t budge, your words are stern and your brows are furrowed as you stare up at her, determined to let her know that this is simply one conversation she’ll be having with you, and not a sign of getting back into your life.

You give her a firm nod before you look out into the dark abyss that was your neighborhood. Where you lived was relatively safe, but you couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling you had when thinking about the girl walking home by herself so late, and so far.

“Do you need me to call him for you? I’m sure he’d come pick you up…so you don’t have to walk all the way back” you mumble out softly. Her lips tug into a smile as she watches you, her stomach fluttering with those stupid butterflies you never failed to give her, because the mere fact that you’re worried about her getting home is giving her hope that she can reverse all the bullshit she put you through, completely disregarding the fact that it could one hundred percent be you just being a good person.

“Nah, I’ve got it from here. I’m a big girl…you get some rest though. I’ll see you in the morning” she hums out, and you swear for a moment your transported back to Ellie dropping you off at your house after a date. She’d always whisper the sweetest things to you after giving you an even sweet kiss, and all though her appearance had changed since then, she still had the power of making you swoon every time she bid you a good night.

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. You quickly closed them in fear of saying something stupid before you gave her a quick nod. “Night, Ellie…” you manage to mumble softly, and she gives you her signature charming smile before she jogs off the steps of your porch, and onto the sidewalk that would leave her home, a noticeable pep in her step as she left.

You watch her at your door until she’s out of view, quickly slamming your door shut and letting out a loud huff, your back pressed against the door as you try to recollect yourself and process everything that had just happened.

You stay for a moment longer before you lock your door, close all of your windows and rush upstairs to get to bed, just like Ellie had told you to.

The next morning was not pleasant.

It was one of those days where you hated every single article of clothing that you owned. Every dress was either too long or too tight, all of your tops were either too big or too small, and every pair of jeans just didn’t go with what you had in mind.

Different articles of clothing covered almost your entire bedroom floor, with no stop in sight as you continued to throw shirts and socks behind you from your closet. You let out a loud huff before you fell backwards onto your bed, your hand holding onto the point at which the towel around your body folded so that it would stay closed.

You had been on your fair share of dates since Ellie. A few when you lived in the city, some while you were back home, all of which were fun and things that you looked forward to, none of which making you feel the way you felt while getting ready for this one.

And calling it a date was a complete stretch. All Ellie asked, was to meet over coffee. More than likely so that she could explain herself and give you the closure she assumed you deserved after five years, so that she’d be able to get any guilt she had for leaving you off of her chest.

But still, you were fucking nervous, and you couldn’t ignore the fact that you wanted to make a good impression. You even grabbed your phone a few times, opening your messages with Joel and typing out a pathetic excuse to him explaining that you had work to do, or you had an errand to run and to tell Ellie you wouldn’t be able to make it.

You didn’t, though. You sucked it up, got your ass of of your bed and took a deep breath in before you went back into your closet, determined to find something decent to wear.

After another thirty minutes of rummaging through your closet, you settled on your favorite pair of blue jeans, a white corset style top that had little lace trimming on the ends, and your favorite pair of sneakers just to be comfy.

The early morning sun beaming down on your exposed shoulders was enough to bring you back to earth, giving you a moment to collect yourself before you saw Ellie again. It was truly all out of a dream, or a nightmare, or a really bizarre situation that you didn’t foresee happening at all for yourself.

Ellie was back, and she made her way to your house to ask you out on a…whatever it was you were currently walking into, and you had no idea what would come of any of this or why you even said yes in the first place.

But one thing you knew to stand true, was that you were still hurt, and you weren’t going to let her off easy.

Once you got into town, you gave a few familiar faces a small wave paired with a sweet smile, one of your hands clutching the strap to your bag as you searched for a small bench to sit on while you waited for Ellie, You settled on one underneath a shady tree.

Ellie feels like her heart stops when she gets out of her dads car and spots you. You’ve always been pretty, Ellie would think about your features and try her best to burn them into her memory after she left because you were always the prettiest girl Ellie had ever seen.

But now…god, now you were ethereal. Your face hadn’t changed much, your hair was a bit shorter and it framed your face a bit more, but you had become a woman. You’d grown up, and you had this overwhelming glow to you that made it hard to look away.

And as you sat there, summer breeze blowing through your pretty hair, the rays of the sun casting down onto your beautiful skin, making it look like you were practically sparkling, in the prettiest little top, you looked like a fucking dream come true. Like every persons fantasy come to life.

And it reminded Ellie of what she chased away, of all that she could have had, but couldn’t since she made her bed and was now forced to lay in it.

She almost wanted to get back into the car and run again, run away from you and the feelings you gave her. She knew this was all a long shot to begin with, and that it wasn’t a guarantee of anything, but knowing that she at least at the opportunity to stare into your eyes for a few moments longer, and create more memories with you that were hers and hers only to keep, it made her weak in the knees, and it made her heart beat faster.

And no matter how long she had with you, it was worth it.

Her feet were carrying her towards you before she could even comprehend that she was doing so, like gravity pulling her closer and closer to her life line. It was like she couldn’t breath properly for five years, a strange weight settling in on her chest every time she was alone and had time to think about things.

One that she no longer felt when she was with you.

Her footsteps crunching against the grass make you look up, and it’s almost enough to make Ellie run. Your eyes are so pretty, and she feels like she can get lost in them for hours at a time.

She misses when your face would light up when you saw her, the way your eyes would sparkle and your plump lips would tug into a shy little smile. Now, all she sees when you look at her is sadness, and pain that she’s caused, and it’s killing her because you don’t trust her anymore, and anyone could see that.

You inhale deeply as you stand up, your hand toying with the strap of your bag as you awkwardly stand in front of her. “Hey…” you mumble softly, and you want to die because you should have said no. You should have told Ellie this wasn’t a good idea and that you didn’t want to see her because you’d rather have not done this just to avoid how fucking awkward the entire ordeal is.

And it hurts to know that this is what you’ve become. The person you regarded as one of your favorites for so long had become a complete stranger. Ellie had lived a life for five years without you in it, and you her, and you feel like there’s no use in even speaking to her anymore because you don’t know her, and she doesn’t know you.

Ellie licks her lips as she watches you, her hands balling up into firsts before she shakes them away, trying to shake away the urge she has to reach out and grab you. That’s the hardest part for her, seeing the girl that she’s wanted for the last five years standing right in front of her, and not being able to grab you and wrap you up in her arms.

She clears her throat, looking around a bit at all of the little shops and stores that are currently opening up. Her hands are stuffed in her pocket as she nods towards them. “Any of these places good?” She questions, and you blink a few times before you nod, pointing towards your favorite coffee shop. She smiles softly when she spots the place, because of course your favorite coffee shop is the most adorable one in town.

Soon, you’re both sitting in a tiny booth tucked away in the corner of the empty coffee shop. Ellie insisted she buy both of your drinks, as much as it bothered you to stand next to her and let her pay for your things, you let her because you didn’t want an argument.

Ellie feels like none of this is even real, because you’re sitting across from her and the sun is hitting your skin in the most beautiful way, and your plump lips are sparkling as they wrap around the straw of your drink, and she’s staring, she knows she’s staring but she can’t help herself. You’re a fucking dream to her, and you always will be.

She blinks a few times before she clears her throat, her large hand cupping her white mug. “So, uh…how have you been?” She questions, her voice nervous and unsure of what exactly to ask you.

You scoff gently, your eyes rolling before you speak up. “Seriously Ellie? How have I been? I don’t see it hear from you for five years and we sit down to talk and that’s what you ask me?” You question in disbelief as you stare at her as if she’s stupid. She groans softly, her strong, veiny hands coming up and rubbing her face harshly before she sighs.

“Fuck. Fuck, I know. I’m nervous, okay? It’s been a long time and…I know this is probably really fucking weird for you but..” she sighs softly, worried that if she keeps going she’ll fuck things up with you even further than she already has. She inhales deeply before exhaling, trying her best to gather her words before she tries again.

“I just…you deserve an apology, a real apology and not some bullshit excuse for one. It’s the least I can do” she pleads genuinely, her eyes searching for any sign of getting through to you.

You sigh softly, your fingers toying with the little raised designs on your glass as you avoid Ellie’s eyes. “Was it at least worth it?” You mumble softly, your voice sad and small.

Ellie feels like she’ll break right then and there.

The guilt she’s felt every day since she left you is no match to what she feels when she hears your words. It’s eating away at her, and it’s making it feel like there a weight sitting on her chest that she can’t get rid of no matter what.

She can’t even find the words to explain to you that none of it was worth it. She sabotaged every relationship she made in college because those girls weren’t you, and she was aggravated with them for not being you and that made things even worse. She missed you every single day, and she wanted nothing more than to come home to you after it all.

Ellie inhales deeply, a deep frown painting her face before she sighs. “I think you and I both know the answer to that…” she mumbles out, because she’s too ashamed to admit to you that it wasn’t at all worth it, and that she was wrong.

You hum softly, giving a slight nod as your finger dances along the rim of your glass. “Joel always wants to brag about how great you’ve done…stops himself so I won’t get sad” you chuckle dryly. Ellie sighs softly, knowing her father all too well, and knowing that he took the chance to brag about her whenever he could.

She opens her mouth to apologize for it, but you cut her off.

“I don’t fault you for what you did Ellie…I thought I did, for a long time..” you breath out, pausing for a moment before you start again, giving her a weak shrug. “I just wished you weren’t…so harsh about it…I don’t mean to make you feel bad but it really fucked me up for a while” you admit, trying your best to convey to her that she hurt you, and that it wasn’t okay.

Ellie licks her lips as she listens to you, eyes never leaving your face regardless of the fact that you refuse to look at her. She adjusts herself a bit so she’s leaning forward, wanting to be as close to you as possible before she speaks. “You have…every right to be upset with me. I thought it was a good idea, and doing it as cold as possible just seemed right for us…we were so attached to each other…I got scared that we wouldn’t make it on our own” she sighs out. She’s rambling at this point, and she can’t stop.

“But fuck, I was so fucking young, we were so fucking young. I was barely eighteen and I was traveling across the world to live on my own and…and I was nervous and scared and I…I just felt like since I was getting the one thing I’d wanted for so long, I didn’t deserve to have you too” her voice is tired, and her throat and mouth is getting dry as she goes on and on and it’s making her voice hoarse, but she can’t stop because this is her one chance to explain everything to you.

You finally look up at her from your glass, a soft pout on your lips as you think back to it all. Ellie never felt like she deserved things. Her supportive father, leaving the town she was born in, you, she felt like those good things weren’t meant to be hers. From the moment you met her, you promised her that she did deserve those things, and that she deserved every good thing the world had to offer.

But Ellie always begged to differ.

You hummed softly, nodding in understanding as you stared into her eyes. “It happened, Ellie. You and I can’t change the past. You have your life in the city, and I have mine here..” you nodded slowly, sighing softly as you look out the window.

“I’m happy you came back, and I’m happy we spoke. Joel misses you a lot you know…you should visit him more often” you smile softly as you watched her before you sighed, reaching into your purse and grabbing a few dollars from it. You count it out quickly before you place it on the table. “Here, this should cover mine..” you nod to yourself before you adjust your bag onto your shoulder and slide out of the bouncy booth seat to leave.

Ellie begins to panic as she watches you get ready to leave, because this is her first time seeing you in five years and there’s no way it’s ending so quickly. She needs more time with you, she needs to look at you longer, she needs to hear more about what you’ve been up to.

“You’re leaving already?” She interrupts, she sounds disappointed. You raise your eyebrows as you look back at her before you give her a slight shrug. “We talked, you explained yourself, I listened. That’s all there is too it, right?” You mumble nonchalantly. She’s already on her feet, grabbing the cash you put on the table and pushing it in your direction.

You giggle softly, pressing your palm against her hand and pushing it towards her body. She feels like she might faint because not only is it the first time she’s hearing your sweet giggle in five years, but your soft hand is touching hers. She can feel herself sweating from the small interaction alone.

“I’m not mad at you anymore Ellie…any guilt you have is gone now…” you nod slowly before giving her a half smile. “Have fun with your dad, okay? It was nice seeing you” you finish, giving her a small wave before turning around and walking towards the door of the coffee shop to leave.

Ellie stands in her spot for a moment, frozen as she stares down at her hand, the one you just touched. She blinks out of her trance and rushes out of the shop, chasing after you as you make your way down the side walk. When she catches up to you, she’s breathing heavily. Your eyes widen as you turn around and catch sight of the talk girl standing in front of you.

“Lemme give you a ride home” she blurts out, causing you to furrow your eyebrows a bit as you watch her. You watch her for a moment, not saying a word, because despite everything, and despite the fact that you gave Ellie a chance to explain herself, you’re still weary of her, and you’d still prefer to keep her out of your life.

But, in typical Ellie fashion, she has other plans.

Knowing she won’t take no for an answer, you eye her for a moment longer before sighing softly and giving her a slight nod. You figure the sun is extremely warm today anyways, and the walk would have you dripping in sweat by the time you made it home anyways.

The drive home reminds you of when you and Ellie were dating.

You loved watching Ellie when she drove. Her strong hand loosely gripping the steering wheel, her other draped over her own thigh (her favorite spot used to be your thigh), tongue poking past her pink lips as she concentrated on the road, her favorite song playing on the radio, wind blowing through her pretty brown hair.

It was extremely fucking hard to not gawk at her the whole way home.

She struggled too. You looked so pretty sitting next to her, her little passenger princess. Ellie loved doing things for you, she loved feeling needed by you. Providing for you was one thing that made her feel like the best possible girlfriend she could ever be to you.

And even now, when you wouldn’t even utter a single syllable to her in the passenger seat of her dads car, she still felt her chest warm up at the fact that she was driving you home.

The car came to a slow stop once she pulled up to your house, parking in the empty drive way as she turned the car off. She hums softly, her hands falling to rest on her spread thighs as she stares at your house.

You clear your throat a bit before your grab your bag off of your lap, pulling the strap onto your shoulder before you open the door for yourself and give her a small smile. “Thanks Ellie…” you breath you. She gives you a slight nod paired with a smile as she watches you.

But you don’t move.

You know you shouldn’t, but you truly can’t stop yourself from speaking the words that are hanging off your tongue. You inhale deeply before you blurt out “do you…wanna come inside? It’s just so hot and I can get you something to drink before you leave-“ Ellie’s eyes go wide as she hears your words, and before you have time to finish, she cuts you off.

“Yes!” She slightly shouts, causing you to flinch. She clears her throat, quickly giving you a nod as she tries to compose herself. “I mean…yeah…yeah sure I’ll come in. M’not doing anything today..” she breaths out almost sheepishly as she watches you with love sick eyes.

You stifle a laugh as you nod, getting out of the car and walking down the little flowered path that leads to your home. Anxiety fills up your chest because Ellie is standing behind you as you open your door for you both, and you can’t properly count how many times you’ve truly imagined this, but it’s finally happening and you’re losing your mind.

When you finally manage to open the door, Ellie almost falls to her knees because your home is every thing she imagined it would be. It’s filled with all the little things that make you, you. She can even spot a few things that you had when you were younger, and it makes her wonder if you have anything from her still.

You lead her to your living room, letting her know that she can make herself at home before you go into the kitchen. You pour her a big glass of peach sweet tea with ice before you bring it back to her.

Her eyes light up when she spots the drink, and instantly takes it. “Shit, you still make this? My dad talks about it all the time” she rushes out before she takes a large gulp, the girl almost finishing half the glass. You giggle softly as you watch her, humming as you give her a gentle shrug. “It’s a good recipe..can’t let those go, you know?”

Your words can be applied to something else, you both know it.

She sighs softly as she sets the glass down. You raise your eyebrows when you see some of the drink running down her chin. “You’ve got a little…just…uh” you mumble softly as you bend down a bit, bringing your thumb to her chin and swiping it off.

It’s your first time being this close to her, and she feels like the world has stopped right then and there.

Her big green eyes are staring down at you as you wipe the tea off her face, and she clears her throat to hold back any groaning that she’ll do since you’re this close. The noise is what snaps you out of it, and you quickly move away from her, mumbling a quick apology.

Ellie blinks a few times, her cheeks red as she tries to compose herself for a moment. She inhales deeply, opening her mouth to apologize herself before you speak up. “I’ll just…take the glass so you can be on your way..” you mumble softly, reaching down and trying to take the glass.

A loud clap of thunder makes you flinch, a small gasp leaving your lips as you look outside. The heat from earlier has brought in a thick blanket of dark grey clouds that have covered the entire sky. Lightning flashes across the sky before another clap of thunder rumbles through your home, causing Ellie to groan as she stands up.

“Fuck…that one’s gonna be bad…I better get going before it-“ she’s cut off by the harsh sound of the sudden rain fall slamming onto the ground outside, causing her to sigh loudly.

The rain is hard, and heavy, and extremely unforgiving. You’re both staring outside your window as you watch the storm force everything outside to go blurry with the white cast that the heavy water droplets bring.

“You’re not driving in that” you say sternly, quickly moving towards your windows and making sure they’re all shut so that nothing will get wet. Ellie raises her eyebrows as she watches you, knowing all too well that she’d want nothing more than to stay, and the fact that you’re insisting makes her heart flutter with joy.

“It’s not that bad…I wouldn’t want to intrude or anything..” she mumbles softly as she walks towards your other window to make sure they’re closed as well. You watch her from the corner of your eye before you quickly shake your head. “And I wouldn’t want you getting in a car accident. You can leave once it lets up a bit” you nod to yourself, not giving the girl any room for argument.

Ellie bites back a smile as she nods, trying not to get too ahead of herself.

The storm lasts longer than expected.

What usually is a short summer shower turned out to be a full blown storm that lasted well past sundown. You and Ellie got past the awkward silence that came with her staying over longer much quicker than expected.

You were both sitting on the floor of your living room, Monopoly splayed out between the both of you as you cheated Ellie of her money for the third time that game. Ellie groaned loudly, counting out the few rainbow colored bills before she threw them onto the floor.

“You fucking got me again. I’m broke, I can’t afford anymore property” she grumbles out. You giggle softly, repositioning your countless cards and bills as you shrug. “Shouldn’t have let me be banker then” you hum softly. Ellie smirks softly as her eyes watch you, her heart swelling with how fucking domestic this all felt.

She’d let you rip her heart out of her body if you wanted. Whatever you wanted, she’d give it to you.

You rested your chin on your knee as you stared at the board for a moment before looking over at her. “You always sucked at this game” your words are soft as you think back to the countless nights you’d stay up together playing cheesy board games together. You loved seeing her brows furrow in frustration every time you miraculously beat her once again, adding to your winning streak.

She smiled softly as she nodded, her eyes never leaving yours as she hummed. “You’re just too fucking good” she chuckles softly. Her words make your insides twist with delight, and you know you can’t look at her. Because she’s most definitely doing that stupid smirk that makes you burn from the inside out, and it makes you want to leap over this stupid board game and tackle her stupidly pretty face.

She notices your lack of a response, she takes it as an opportunity.

“I really miss you, blossom..” the nickname is one you haven’t heard in years. It was Ellie’s, and Ellie’s only. She came up with it soon after she had first met you, said it’s cause you reminded her of the prettiest spring flower she’d ever seen.

It makes you pause, stopping dead in your tracks as you began packing away the board game. Ellie knows she’s done it now, but she keeps going.

“And I know I don’t deserve it, but if you can just-“ your words cut off hers, because her voice is pleading and it almost sounds like she’s fucking begging you to hear her out.

“Ellie.” You warn her. She inhales deeply, pushing the board aside to move closer towards you. Her movements are slow, because she wants to give you the opportunity to stop her if you need to.

“Please…just…” she sighs out, her voice thick with a need for you as she places her long, veiny fingers under your chin, tilting it up slightly to force you to look into her eyes. When you do, you feel the air is knocked out of your chest. Her gaze is heavy and intense and she’s so fucking close. Her other hand comes down, pushing your knees apart so that she can make her way between the space of your legs.

“I know I haven’t been around, and I know what I did was wrong but just….please give me a chance to fix it…just one…I promise I won’t fuck this up..” she breaths out. She’s so close that you can feel her breath wafting against your lips. It makes you whine softly, and it makes her feel like she can’t fucking control herself.

Your eyes dart back and forth between her lips and her eyes. Your head is so clouded with her, she’s filling you up to the brim and..

And you don’t want it to stop.

You stare up into her eyes, your own big and needy before you give her a soft nod. It’s all she needs to cup your face with both of her big hands, and kiss you passionately.

You moan softly into her mouth, your hand coming up and gripping her tattooed wrist as she dominates the kiss. Memories from your past with her comes flooding in, because her lips feel exactly like you remember, her so different.

You can tell how much older she is now, how much older you both are. Kisses that were once sweet and innocent are no passionate and heavy. Her need for you is practically pouring into your mouth as she kisses you, it’s sloppy and needy and she uses any opportunity to slip her tongue into your mouth.

You gasp softly against her, and that’s when she does it. Her tongue is swirling around your mouth, wanting to explore every crevice of you so that she can remember it for the rest of her life. She’s crawling into you, pushing you back so that your back hits the edge of your couch.

“Ellie…” you moan out softly, your hands coming down to tug at her t shirt as you kiss her harder. The sound of your voice drives her further to do more for you. She nods gently as she brings her hand down to undo the clasps of your top. “I’m right here baby…I’m right here…” she sighs out as she begins removing your clothes.

You whine softly, because soon enough you’re nearly bare in front of her. You’re only in a pair of your cotton panties and you can’t help but bring your arms up to shield your chest from her. She frowns softly as she looks down at you, gently pulling your arms away as she leans in to press a loving kiss to your lips. “Don’t hide from me princess…it’s just me..” she hums softly against your lips.

And you know it’s just Ellie, but it’s hard because she’s not you’re Ellie anymore. She hasn’t been your Ellie for five years and it makes it feel like you’re bare in front of a stranger, all while being bare in front of the person you’ve wanted for such a long time, the person you’ve yearned for. It makes your head spin, and it makes it hard to breath and focus on Ellie’s lips on yours.

She knows it, because you’re struggling to kiss her back. She pulls back gently, bringing her hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. “You with me baby? You need me to stop?” She questions genuinely, her eyes searching yours for any sign of reassurance that you may need as her other hand strokes your arm gently.

You bite your lip as you stare up at her, and you know that if you open your mouth and speak, you’ll break down. You know that if you give in and tell her what’s on your mind, you’ll dig yourself in a deeper hole than you already are in.

Instead, you simply remove your hands from your chest and grab Ellie, pulling her closer and smashing your lips against hers in a needy kiss.

She knows better, she knows something is going on inside your mind. She knows that she needs to go further and make sure you’re okay, but she can’t ignore how good you feel against her, and how long she’s wanted you in this exact position.

She groans softly against your lips as one of her hands travels down to your body. Her skilled fingers pull and tug at your nipple between her fingers, causing you to moan into her mouth before she continues to travel down your body. Her hand finds it’s way between your legs, and she hisses the second she cups your clothes pussy.

“Fuck…so fuckin’ wet for me…you poor thing…” she groans softly. You moan softly as you break the kiss, looking down at the sinful sight that is her hand between your legs, rolling small circles onto your clit. She groans softly, her other hand grabbing your chin as she angles your face up and chases your lips. “Nah uh…need you here baby, need that pretty mouth while I’m playing with your pussy, got it?” She mumbles out, her voice hoarse. Her dominant tone makes your pussy ache, and you nod obediently as you let her back in, kissing her hungrily.

She hums softly as she continues kissing you as she rubs your clit, your slick covering the entire front of your panties. Ellie smirks softly as she finally breaks the kiss, needy to see the mess you’ve made, the mess you’ve made for her. She groans softly as she pulls your panties to the side, hissing softly as she rubs your bare clit a few times before she slips two fingers into you.

“Look at that…so fucking pretty…Jesus Christ…” she whispers out as she stares at your sopping pussy. You moan loudly once her fingers slip into you, your eyes rolling back as your head hits the edge of your couch.

“F-fuck Ellie…right there…fingers feel so..mmm…so good” you moan loudly for her, your back arching up off the edge of the couch as you wiggle and squirm beneath her. Ellie marvels at your body like it’s a work of art, groaning softly as her long fingers fuck up into your weeping cunt.

“Wish you could see yourself, Angel…prettiest fucking girl I’ve ever seen” she groans out as she stares down at your body, her other hand coming up and caressing your body before she cups your boob, giving it a firm squeeze before she moves down to catch your nipple into her mouth, swirling it around her tongue before sucking harshly on your skin.

You cry out for her, your body feeling extremely sensitive as she works on you. She makes sure to not leave any part of you without attention. You moan softly as you look down at her, your swollen bottom lip tugged between your teeth as you tug at her hair, your eyes low, hazy and lust filled as you whine for her.

“M’so close Els…mm…fuck…I can’t fucking…ahh” you cry out, already so fucked out you’re barely able to finish your sentences properly. She smirks softly against your skin before releasing your nipple with a pop, giving you an urging nod as she stares into your eyes. “Come on baby, give it to me…let it out for me, that’s it…” she groans out as she stares at you.

You whine softly as you stare into her eyes. It’s so intense, and it feels like so much more than her just fucking you with her fingers. It’s heavy, and it feels like your missing half is finally back with you after so long.

You’re moaning and whimpering and huffing for her as she works on your pussy, her fingers toying with you as if she knew you like the back of her hand. You want to hold on longer, and make this moment as long lasting as possible. Your eyes squeeze shut as you moan out for her loudly, your back arching almost painfully as you cum hard all over her fingers, moaning her name like a mantra.

Ellie feels like she’s seeing fireworks. She stares at you in awe as you come undone beneath her. It’s the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, it’s raw and real and it’s you, and she wants to burn it into her memory for the rest of her days.

“That’s it…that’s my good fucking girl…Jesus Christ you’re so fucking beautiful…fuck…” she groans out, and you’d swear she was the one who just came the hardest she’s ever had in her entire life.

Her praises make you whimper as you come down from your orgasm, whining softly as her fingers slow down and slip out of your sore pussy. She leans down, pressing a soft kiss to your lips. You’re so fucked out, that you hardly realize you’re being lifted off the ground and up into Ellie’s arms.

You hum softly as you nestle your face into Ellie’s neck as she gently rests you on your bed, pressing a soft kiss to your head. “I’ll be right back baby…okay?” She mumbles softly as she pushes the hair on your face back. You mumble a quiet response to her as you cuddle into your soft sheets, your bare body cold in the open air of your room.

Ellie returns with a rag from your bathroom with warm water, and she smiles softly at you. Seeing you cuddled up on the bed warms her heart, and she feels like she’s falling in love with you all over again.

She gently pushed your thighs apart, cleaning you up as gently as possible. You don’t seem to mind much, the sound of the rain against your window is enough to lull you into a gentle sleep, which makes her chuckle softly as she leaves the room and tosses the rag into your hamper.

She quickly finds a t shirt for you to wear, slipping it over your body before she tucks you into bed, smiling softly when you cuddle into your pillow almost immediately. Ellie quietly pulls her jeans off, leaving her only in her t shirt and her boxers before she crawls into bed right next to you. She pulls you close by your waist, humming as she pressed her nose into your hair and inhales deeply, the scent of you making her mind floor with memories of you and her in the past.

She sighs softly, her eyes looking towards the window as the harsh rain continued pelting down onto your window before her own eyes closed, her fingers drawing small shapes into your skin as she held you close against your chest.

And as you drifted off into a deep sleep with each passing moment, all you could think about was Ellie, and how much pain she had caused you in the past.

And how much harder it would be to get over it than you thought.

[orphicdreamers-wp]

It’s Not Christmas Without You— Quinn Hughes

Summary: Your seasonal depression gets the best of your relationship leading to an awkward Christmas

Content Warnings: Seasonal depression, panic & anxiety attacks, use of antidepressants, ocd, chemical imbalance, angsty hughes brothers

Pairing; Ex Gf! Reader x Quinn Hughes

September

You had never quite understood why your brain felt so hardwired to the point you couldn’t comprehend anything happening around you. It affected everything you did, but no one could put their finger on why sometimes things got to be much for you it brought you to tears. For the most part, your boyfriend Quinn tried to help you but when the weather in Vancouver shifted just as he’d been named captain. He just couldn’t do it anymore, he tried but it was draining him.

You sat cross legged in the center of Quinn’s living room, reorganizing his CD collection for the third time this week. Quinn sighed as he entered his apartment, coming home from a rough roadie, all he wanted was to take a scorching shower and talk to you while you guys laid in his bed watching a cheesy movie. He didn’t utter a word as he walked past to his room and dropped his stuff off before returning to his living room and letting out a sigh, “The CDS haven’t magically moved since Tuesday dollface.”

You ignored your boyfriend, again. Quinn blew out a breath he’d been holding in for god knows how long, “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” He expected you to protest against him trying to break up with him, but you didn’t. Which somehow made Quinn more upset at the entire ordeal, “So your fine with just throwing away the last 6 years?” You kept quiet, knowing that if you dared to speak you would say something that you and Quinn couldn’t come back from. So you stayed silent as you stood up and slipped on your shoes and grabbed your coat and walked out of Quinn’s apartment and his life.

You returned to your shared loft with your friend Tess and finally let your composure fall. A wretched sob ripped through your chest as you leaned against the door and slid to sit against the wall. Tess hurried out of her bedroom and was at your side in seconds, “Oh honey. It’s okay.” You felt like someone was wrapping barbed wire around your throat, “I can’t, I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. Something isn’t right Tess.” Your breathing began to quicken as your chest tightened. Tess rubbed your back reassuringly, “I got you.” You closed your eyes and focused on your breathing. Once you were calm you turned to Tess, “Quinn and I broke up. I think I need to go home and get help.” And that was exactly what you did.

You went back to Toronto and moved back into your childhood bedroom, went to a neurologist and found out that your brain had an insufficient amount of neurotransmitters which could play part in your moods. The doctor told you that you needed to boost your serotonin and dopamine levels and prescribed you antidepressants and referred you to a women’s mental health clinic. You noticed slowly that your mood became less negative and you were able to focus better. But you also noticed that you began to get thinner and no matter what you did it never seemed like you gained weight.

December

You were reluctant to go to the Hughes Christmas dinner, although Ellen had reassured you that you were more than welcome. You still had your bad days and didn’t know if being around Quinn would make you snap and you didn’t want to snap at him. So you told your mother you’d think about it but that she should go. Which she did. You mother and Ellen were in grossed in a conversation over linens when Luke finally mentioned you, “So I guess she really doesn’t have anything to say to you Quinn. She would never miss out on Dad’s meatballs.” Quinn shot his brother a glare as your mother spoke softly, “She’s just having a hard time right now, her meds are messing with her.” Ellen smiled solemnly, “How is she adjusting to her antidepressants?”

Quinn looked taken aback learning your on antidepressants now, “Is she okay?” Your mom smiled as she lifted her wine glass to her lips, “Her doctor told her she doesn’t have sufficient neurotransmitters and it’s a chemical imbalance in her brain that’s made her feel like this all these years. The doctor said there’s a good chance coupled with the harsh weather and seasonal depression that’s what made her feel so poorly. Nothing you could have done would have helped Quinn.” Jack rolled his eyes subtly, “So because she’s mentally not okay, we’re supposed to be fine with her destroying Quinn?” Ellen glared at her middle child, “Jack! If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say sit.”

You stared at the stack of wrapped gifts you had gotten for each member of the Hughes family. You sighed as you slid off the couch and pulled on a dark red sweater and some jeans and took the gifts to your car and made your way to the Hughes family home. You were unsure of what would happen when you walked in but you were facing your fears today. You rang the doorbell, not expecting Quinn to be on the other side of the door.

His eyes held an unreadable expression that you had grown to miss. You were almost positive that you had lost your voice when he spoke, “Hey.” You smiled, “Hi, you look uh great.” Quinn rubbed his neck as a deep blush rolled over his cheeks, “Thanks. You do too.” He took some of the gifts as you I walked inside the house and placed your gifts with the rest of the gifts under the tree. You slipped your coat off and hung it in the closet with the others. Quinn frowned ever so slightly when he took note of how the jeans that had once hugged your body in all the right places were loose on you and how you looked at him like you might break if you looked at him long enough.

Ellen’s voice rang out from the dining room, “Who was it honey?” You smiled warmly as you entered the dining room behind Quinn, “Hi.” Ellen’s eyes glimmered with excitement as she hopped up and pulled you into a bone crushing hug, “We’re so glad you could make it after all. Right guys?” The Hughes men muttered out agreements. You sat down at the only empty seat which, as the universe was punishing you, was directly across from Jack with Quinn sitting beside you. Conversation flowed between you and everyone besides Jack and Quinn.

Jack spoke up in condescending tone, “So Y/N what have you been up to since you and Quinn broke up?” Jack let out a groan as Quinn swiftly kicked him underneath the table. You felt your smile drop, “I moved back home like 3 days after. I’ve been getting a lot of help. Working on understanding my feelings.” Jack hummed, “Seeing anyone? You sure are slimming down.” You tensed as you drew in a deep breath, “Nope. Wouldn’t be fair to a poor guy. I’m still in love with someone and I’m not sure relationships are for me. But can we just talk about your game against the Red Wings? I mean I was on my seat the entire time.”

Jack’s smirk fell, “You still watch my games?” You shrugged, “I watched Trev kick your ass. I also watched Quinn hand the Sharks the biggest loss. I didn’t stop watching hockey because I got broken up with.” You melted into Quinn’s touch as he placed a hand on your thigh. He mouthed inaudibly, ‘Thank you’ Dinner ended and Ellen insisted on going straight to presents. You smiled warmly as Jack and Luke opened their gifts from you. You You played more into a joke with Jack. It was a shirt that read ‘Straight Outta The Penalty Box.’ Jack’s gift sent his brother’s into laughter while Jack sent you a playful eye roll, “Now I know she actually watches my games still.” Luke’s gift seemed to be more fitting for him, he opened the box and ran his fingers over the soft tie that was adorned with red hockey sticks, “Thank you.” You smiled as Quinn picked up his gift from you, “I didn’t know what to get you so with my luck you’ll probably hate it.”

Quinn opened the box and his eyes softened as he looked at the gift, “You remembered. Why would I hate this?” He pulled out the large cooling weighted blanket. You barely remembered him mentioning wanting one. Apparently your subconscious remembered. Quinn’s eyes softened as you began to tidy up the wrapping paper as everyone continued to open gifts.

Without being noticed Quinn slipped into his childhood bedroom and opened his bag and pulled out a small gift wrapped box. He slipped it into his pocket and returned to the living room. His eyes immediately were on you as you clasped a necklace around his mother’s neck. Soon enough all the gifts were opened and Quinn spoke warmly, “I actually have a gift for you Y/N.” Your eyes widened, “O-okay.” Quinn slipped the small box from his pocket and placed it in your hand. By the size alone you knew it was jewelry of some sort.

You opened the box and your eyes widened and swelled with tears, “You can’t. Not with how horrible I was to you.” Quinn shook his head, “No I can. I have loved you since I have known you. I don’t care if your going through the worst thing possible. I love you and I just wanna be there for you no matter what. For the rest of my life. I want to be your husband. Marry me.” Your eyes welled, “I don’t know if I can give you the life you want Quinn.” Quinn shook his head as he pulled you closer to him, which you didn’t think was humanly possible, “The life I want is waking up to you pressing your ice cold feet to my legs to warm them up, the life I want is holding your purse so you can stop and pet every stray cat you see. The life I want is anytime and everything as long as you are there. You are the one good thing in my life.” You sniffled, “Fine I’ll marry you.”

[kaylopolis]

Alastor's Shadow (18+) - Chapter Eleven

Alastor x F!Reader, Alias: Thestral

Synopsis: There’s a new Overlord in town and it isn’t the Radio Demon. Six years after you fell into Hell, you have finally earned your seat at the table as Pentagram City’s newest and baddest and with the Extermination coming six months earlier than planned, it is now time to implement your ultimate endgame. After all, who doesn’t love a bit of power and chaos? Your plan brings you to the doorstep of the Hazbin Hotel as Charlie’s newest Redeemer, but who you find waiting for you will not only turn your entire plan upside down but also challenge your grab for power… 

Tag List: Slow burn, rivals to lovers, eventual smut

Masterlist Link: Masterlist

(Let me know if you want to be added to the Tag List!)

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Author note: Dear Hoteliers, This chapter might be extremely triggering to some readers. I struggle with panic attacks and designed this chapter to emulate what I go through when I experience one. It also implies a history of abuse. If you wish to skip that particular section but still want to read, there will be a warning before and a note of where to pick up after.

Another short one before things get good!

<3 Stay smutty

Chapter Eleven - Lucifer's Visit

Content Warning: Minors DNI! Mentions of Substance Abuse, Mentions of Physical Abuse, Panic Attack

“Here, drink this,” Angel handed you a cup as you sat up in bed. “It’ll help.”

You brought the smokey liquid to your lips, it burned on the way down. He had given you a glass of straight whiskey. You welcomed the pain, it helped ground you. 

“What happened?” He wiped the hair sticking to your face. 

You sniffed, looking down at the glass. You had spent the entire night crying and when it was over you didn’t feel like talking much. So, Angel grabbed his laptop and the two of you watched a movie in bed.

Now it was morning - time to face the elephant in the room.

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.”

“Try me,” he sat back on the bed, leaning against one of the wooden pillars. 

You told him everything, and when you were done, all he could do was stare at you. 

“So, let me get this straight. You kissed Alastor?” His jaw dropped. “Yous was right. I don’t believe ya’."

“I just told you I was an Angel tasked with hunting down Eve on Earth for the past hundred years and that’s what you’re focusing on?” 

“Well, yeah? I don’t give a shit about that. Frankly, it explains a lot. But you’re in Hell, kid. There ain’t a pure soul down here. Fuck, Alastor murdered people for a livin’ and then ate ‘em. I really don’t think he’d care that ya’ were some big and important Angel who ditched Heaven for a vacation in Hell. Lucifer literally did the same fuckin’ thang.” 

“That’s not the part I’m worried about. The kind of power I have isn’t acquired by a soul deal. I don’t really have one like Human Sinners do.” You breathed. “The power I have you take through death.”

“Ooooooh, you’re worried he’s gonna try to kill ya’.” Angel finished for you. 

You told him about Carmilla and how Velvette was able to do that much damage to you. “If he knew how easy it would be to take what I have...”

You didn’t tell Angel about the tattoo, about what you took from Eve when you found her, because you did find her. That would be too much even for Angel to handle. Rosie went an entire week thinking you were yanking her chain before she finally realized you were serious. 

“Wait, why are you at the Hotel?” 

“I don’t even know anymore…” you covered your face in your hands. 

“Wow,” Angel gawked. “This is like a fucking Soap Opera.” 

“What have I done, Angel?” You sniffed. “I shoulda just gone back to the Seraphim and told her what happened. Then maybe I wouldn’t be in this mess.” 

“Or you’d be dead,” Angel pointed out. “From what it sounds like, Heaven isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. They’re fucked up too.” 

“Yeah…” you wiped your eyes. 

“You should tell him.”

“What!?” 

“I know how this is going to go. You’re gonna go down there and torture yourself the entire time Lucifer is visitin’. Ya’ gonna do everything you can to avoid him - barely even look at 'em. And for what? Because he may or may not reject you after knowing the truth? Ya' don’t know what he’s gonna do, dollface. Unless you tell him. He tries to kill you afterward, then ya' have your answer, but at least you aren’t torturin' yourself in fuckin’ limbo with the whole ‘will he, won’t he’ bullshit!” 

He’s right. 

“I’m right, and you know it.”

Fucker.

“When is Lucifer do?” 

Angel checked his phone. “Any minute.”

“Fuck,” you jumped up from your bed and ran for the door, completely ignoring the fact that you looked like a mess and wearing the same clothes as yesterday...

“Wait! You're doin’ this right now!?” Angel called after you. 

“You’re right! Besides, if Lucifer recognizes me, it’s game over. Better Alastor hear it from me beforehand.” You fly to the foyer - static licking down your spine - making it halfway down the stairs before Lucifer’s voice finds you. 

“Ahaha. Well, it's not very clever!

“Ha, ha! Fuck you.”

Oh, no! He was already here!

Charlie jumps in between the two of them. “Okay! Okay, anyway. Dad, look at this lovely parlor where people can get to know each other and share secrets and stories and intimate feelings! Without Alastor, we wouldn't have been able to pretty it up this much. See…” 

Charlie spins him about until they see you descending from the stairs. You give an awkward wave, your feet finding the wood floor. 

“Oh, oh! Dad!” Charlie shoves the King of Hell across the floor. He comes to a stop directly in front of you. “This is Thestral, one of our newest and most promising guests.”

Please, please work. You subconsciously rub the black ink on your left forearm, hidden beneath your red sweater. 

“Hello, sir, nice to meet you,” You hold out your hand. 

He gives you a confused look, his eyes scanning your form. “Do I know you?” 

You laugh awkwardly, rubbing the back of your neck. “No. No. I don’t think so. I’m sure I would have remembered meeting the King of Hell, after all.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

“Right,” he finally shakes your hand. Alastor comes to stand directly next to Charlie, shooting a glance over her shoulder at the King of Hell. He narrows his eyes at him. 

Lucifer is exactly as you remembered him. God, what had it been? Ten thousand years? Who even keeps track of time anymore... Yet, Lucifer hadn't changed a bit. Falling from Heaven hadn't even left a mark...

Your heart panged in your chest.

“Ahem, Charlie! Dear, eheh, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends?” Lucifer awkwardly laughs. 

Charlie pulls him away to Vaggie next. 

He didn’t recognize you! Your heart sinks. He didn’t recognize you…

Alastor comes to stand next to you, his eyes following Lucifer around the room. The Radio Demon’s static prickles your skin. He’s irritated - at you or Lucifer or both. 

“I didn’t realize how much Charlie looks like him…” You mumble. “I mean, I knew, but didn’t really know…”

Alastor side-eyes you, his demeanor that of the infamous Radio Demon. You tried hard not to picture him as his brown-haired, tan-skinned self. You tried not to picture the look on his face the moment the mask slammed back into place. You tried and failed...

“Looks like you could use some help…” Lucifer starts. 

“Excuse me,” Alastor gives you a short bow before jumping into the fray. 

You watched the chaos from the sidelines, Angel joining you moments later. A small giggle escaped you when Alastor dropped the piano on Lucifer. 

His eyes found yours for a beat before he jumped into a piano duet with Lucifer’s violin. Your heart skipped a beat when your eyes met, his smile faltering but a moment, before his mask slipped back into place. 

God, why did your heart hurt so bad?

“You okay?” Angel put a hand on your shoulder. You could feel Husk shooting questioning glances at you from across the room as he helped Sir Pentious up from the floor. How long had he been passed out?

Fuck, you were probably going to have to catch Husk up after all this. 

“Yeah,” you mumbled. 

You debated turning around and marching yourself right back to your room. Maybe hide until Lucifer finally leaves, and then you could talk to Alastor? It was probably best. Your presence here would just make things worse - especially considering how pissed off Alastor already was. 

If you asked Angel to hide you away in his room for the rest of the day he’d do it in a heartbeat. You could build a cocoon on his bed and watch old movies together. Fat Nuggets could cuddle and fall asleep in your lap. Did you have any lemon tarts left, you think? Or had Angel snuck into your room and finished them off while you were gone? You hoped he had - or at least hoped Nifty threw them away (even if it meant her trespassing yet again). They were most likely bad by now. 

You turned, debating asking Angel, but he looked so intrigued with the King of Hell you thought better of it. Not every day Royalty stays at the Hotel. 

You were better off alone right now anyway. 

“Mimzy!” Alastor cheered, he opened his arms for a hug. 

Shit! You took a step behind Angel, praying the club owner hadn’t seen you. 

She chatted with Alastor and Charlie. While she was distracted, you inched your way to the stairs…

“You! Don’t you move!” She used her angry voice. Angel took a big side step out of the way, clearly afraid of the small demon. Traitor…

She grabbed you by the ear and pulled you down to her level. You winced against the pain in your torso. “Where the fuck have you been!?”

“Mimzy,” Alastor warned, his eyes narrowing at the tiny demon. “We talked about this.”

His static prickled your skin, his green aura beginning to fill the room.

“No!” She waved her finger at him. “I wanna hear it from the dame, well?” She turned to you, her eyes shooting daggers.

“Mimzy, I…” you started, but words weren’t coming to you. Everyone was looking at you. It was too much. 

“Well, hello there!” Lucifer took a step in front of Mimzy, cutting her off from Alastor. 

“Oh, my stars! Are you Lucifer?” She dropped her hold on your ear. “Pleased to meetcha, Your Highness.” She curtsied and then turned to the Radio Demon. “Alastor, you gotta warn a girl when she’s in mixed company.” 

“Charmed. I’m sure,” Lucifer gave a pained smile.

Alastor butts in, “As much as I'd love to catch up, Charlie and I have a tour to continue.” 

Lucifer grabs onto his daughter, “I'm sure Charlie can handle showing me around.

“Nonsense!” The Radio Demon grabs Charlie and drags her forward. “We started the hotel together, and we'll show it off together. Right, Charlie?”

“Oh, right!” 

This was so painful to watch. 

Alastor turns to Mimzy, “Why don't you let the others help you settle in, and I'll be back before you know it!” 

They disappeared down the hallway. 

Finally, you could breathe. 

The others gathered at the bar to hear Mimzy gab about Alastor, but you had had enough of the Radio Demon for one day. Everything was a mess, but it couldn’t be solved until after Lucifer left. Which would probably be a while. Instead, you turned and headed for the music room on the other side of the hotel. 

You needed something to do. Hiding in your room would probably just make you stir crazy - plus, all you would do was panic. You debated going for a flight around the City, but you didn’t know how your muscles would hold up in your torso during the flight. You were healing, slowly but still healing. If you ripped something, you’d have to run all the way across town to Rosie, and you were not about to go asking for a chastisement, that’s for sure.

So you turned and headed for the piano room. You grabbed a random piece of music - something you’d played a hundred times - and began to play softly. 

You played for what felt like hours, just letting your mind go numb, your thoughts only on the music. And then you felt eyes on you. Not the prickle of static, so it wasn’t Alastor or Rolf. You spun and met Lucifer’s gaze.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he waved anxiously. “I just… I snuck away and heard you playing and was curious.” 

“You snuck away?” You scrunched your nose. 

“Yeah, yeah…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “That Hotel Manager is…”

“A lot,” you finished for him. 

“I was going to say insane, but you put it much nicer,” he gripped his cane. 

He looked like he didn’t want to leave, but didn’t have a reason to stay. If anyone knew how much Alastor could be, it was you. 

“You play, correct?” You asked, waiving him over. 

“Yeah, how did you…”

“There’s this duet I’ve been wanting to try for so long,” you pulled a book of music out from the bench. “Do you mind?” 

His smile was one of joy and relief. “Not at all.”

You lined the music sheets on the piano, quickly pointing out the trickier parts. You focused on some of the harder parts, playing out a few measures, before finally turning to the beginning. 

“Ready?” You beamed.

He nodded and away you played. Franz Schubert’s Fantasia was a twenty minute song, but you only focused on the first movement, which was only four. It was an intense piece, with very strong emotion and parts which could get quite loud and others so quiet your fingers barely touched the keys at all. 

Hell, it was fun. You found yourselves laughing partway through it, especially when you got so into it you bumped heads together. 

When was the last time you and Lucifer did something like this? When was the last time you heard his laugh or saw him smile? Lucifer had been gone from Hell longer than you could remember him being a part of it.

The memories you two shared… You missed him.

You finished the movement and jumped when a crowd of clapping echoed behind you. The Hotel Natives were all standing in the doorway. Everyone was there - including Alastor, but he wasn’t clapping. 

“That was amazing!” Charlie jumped, bringing the two of you into a hug. 

Your face heated from the attention, but your eyes didn’t leave Alastor’s. 

He was livid. Or wait... You followed his line of sight, which you had assumed was on you, but you were wrong. It was on Lucifer.

"...jealousy is not an emotion I am accustomed to..."

God, he doesn't know...

Mimzy stomped up and grabbed you by the ear again, stopping your train of thought. “I expect you back at the club this weekend!” 

BOOM! The entirety of the Hotel shook.

“Que carajo!” Vaggie groans as the crew heads for the lobby. 

You hesitated, knowing Alastor was never one to run headfirst into a fight. The demon made eye contact with you, but it wasn't anger you necessarily saw. It was suspicion. You swore, however, as he melted into shadow, you smelled a hint of vinegar wafting off the demon - hurt.

Alastor was hurting...

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You hadn’t seen Alastor in days and as everyone waited to hear back from Lucifer, the Hotel returned to its usual order of operations. The only solace in knowing he was alive were the screams playing continuously on the radio. 

The demon was on a rampage.

You got up, made everyone coffee for breakfast, went through a new round of trust exercises put on by Charlie, played at the club in the late afternoon, and ended the day with a drink at the bar with the boys before finding the library with a good book.

You eventually had to fill in Husk. It wasn’t fair that Angel knew everything, but Husk only had half the story. For Husk, he had known you were in Hell a lot longer than 6 years, but he kept quiet. The bar cat knows how to keep his nose clean.

After you explained everything, he confessed to Angel that he knew you from long ago when he was an Overlord. You originally used Husk as an ally in the early stages before you "fell." He was a contact for you and Eve, someone to trust (to whatever degree that might have been) once your plans turned more south - to Hell. You were supposed to link up with him 6 years ago, but come to find out, he had fallen from power. You were pointed in Rosie's direction by someone you hesitate to call an ally - let's just say partner.

The Vees had gone quiet after the attack. You didn’t know if they were in mourning or if they were planning something big. Either way, the silence couldn’t be good. Perhaps Vox finally got the hint that you weren’t interested?

At about day five Rosie removed the stitches. You didn’t talk much at the visit even though she knew something was wrong. You just didn’t have the heart to hash it out all over again while she sat there and smiled and told you everything was going to be alright. You didn’t need the false hope. 

The truth was you felt hollow, like a shell of yourself. The boys did their best to cheer you up, but it was no substitute for what your heart needed. Night after night you couldn’t sleep, the silence of the hotel deafening. You couldn’t find a record table. You didn’t dare turn on the radio. No way were you going to buy anything else electronic or another phone - Vox didn’t need easy access to your life. So, the bags under your eyes deepened, your anxiety festered more and more, and your drinking became more frequent. 

Eventually, you gave up the wine and switched to whiskey - the burn giving you something to feel other than numb. 

God, how had you let him work his way so far into your soul (if Angels had a soul)? When had he become someone you relied on to live your everyday life? Why did it feel like a part of you had died when Alastor left? 

Day seven, Angel and Husk held an intervention. 

“Alright, kid,” Husk slammed the whiskey bottle down on the table in front of you. “This has to stop. I can’t keep watching you kill yourself over someone who doesn’t deserve it.” 

“Husk…” you started to protest when a portal opened up behind you. 

Lucifer stepped through, a worried look across his face.

“Hey…. Guys…” Oh, so cringey. “Is Charlie here?” 

The three of you pointed simultaneously. The King awkwardly shuffled into Charlie’s office. 

A few moments later, you heard a scream of glee and a flurry of thank-yous. It sounds like Charlie got her meeting. 

“He isn’t worth it, kid,” Husk continued. 

Irritation prickled the back of your neck. You did not want to hear this right now. You didn’t want to hear this ever. You’ve been avoiding any conversation about it all week with either Husk or Angel. They had tried, naturally, but you’ve managed to blow them off every time. Not anymore. This had to stop. 

“Husk, I am sick and tired of the two of you constantly lecturing me,” you pinched the bridge of your nose between forefinger and thumb, the flames beneath your skin threatening to break through. A spark of static danced its way down your spine. 

“We are just trying to look out for you…”

“Well, don’t!” You snapped, the flames surfacing. “I don’t need to be babied all the time. I’m a fucking Overlord for fuck’s sake. I don’t need to be looked after, let alone babysat by a has-been at rock bottom, who was dumb enough to gamble away all his power in a game of cards!” 

Husk blinked, not entirely listening to your rant, his eyes fixated on your arms. You followed his gaze downwards to the flames dancing across your skin. 

Green, your flames were green. 

“Is that…?” Angel started. 

“Alastor’s Hellfire.” 

You held your hand out and concentrated the flames in the palm of your hand, watching as the green danced amongst your fingers. It felt… warm. Not like the heat of fire, but warm like Alastor’s shadow. A small buzz of static creeped across your palm where the flames met your skin, the same way it dances down your spine whenever he enters a room, whenever you feel his presence nearing yours. 

What was happening? 

“How are you doing that?” Husk breathed. 

Your mind flashed back to New Orleans, to the kiss you shared on the dance floor, to the flames that practically burned the establishment to the ground. Then to Alastor's apartment when you combined your power to destroy the cellphone. In that moment you felt a bond connect between you and Alastor stronger than any soul contract you had ever made. Did that have something to do with what was happening with your magic now?

“I don’t know.” You extinguish the flame, your mind flitting through a million explanations. “Husk…” You were too afraid to ask the question. “Have you ever heard of Sinners being able to share their magic with another?”

The cat demon thought a moment before shaking his head. “I’ve seen a lot of things, kid, but that isn’t one of them.” 

You turned to Angel.

"Don't look at me, I ain't know shit about nothin'."

Out of curiosity, you held your hand out again, summoning flame - yet this time, it was blue. How strange… If you somehow had access to his power did that mean he had access to yours? Panic sparked within your core at the thought. 

Did he have access to the well of magic you stole from Eve?

“Thanks, Dad!” Charlie’s voice echoed throughout the foyer. The Princess led her girlfriend and Lucifer to the bar, practically bouncing on her toes as she informed you of the good news. “We have a meeting with Heaven!” 

You did your best to muster a smile, pushing down the wave of emotions washing over you. Trying not to make too much eye contact with Lucifer, you hugged the Princess, wishing her luck. Despite everything, your master plan was still moving forward. All that was left was for the Princess’ plans to be utterly rejected by the Holy Court, and then your direct manipulation could begin.

This was great! This was… great? If it was great, why did you still feel so low? Why did your heart still hurt? 

Charlie bounced back, twirling amongst the group as she screamed in glee before listing off a million things she was going to pack for the trip. “And you’re coming with me!” She scooped Vaggie into a hug. The ex-Exorcist did not look pleased. Perhaps the Princess didn’t know of her girlfriend’s origins, for she definitely would not have asked her to come along if she had. 

"Knock, knock!"

Holy fucking shit.

"Anybody home?" A familiar voice rang out.

The entire party turned to find Vox, striding through the doors, a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a cellphone in the other.

Holy shit this guy SERIOUSLY can’t take a hint.

Husk and Angel both moved in front of you, blocking Vox’s view.

“Vox, what are you doing here?” Vaggie pulled out her spear, closing the distance before Vox got too close. The ever protective girlfriend held the point to his throat, but the media demon was unphased.

“Ah, who are you again?” The media demon nonchalantly raised an eyebrow.

“Vaggie!” Charlie placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. He doesn’t mean any harm. He’s just here for an update on Thestral.”

“What!?” Angel and Husk both choked out at the same time.

“Yeah…” Charlie awkwardly smiled. “He’s been stopping by… Didn’t I tell you guys…?”

“I thinks I woulda remembered somethin’ like that, toots,” Angel spat.

“Oh…” Charlie cringed.

Yeah, “forgot.” Sure, Princess. Fuck, what has she been telling him? What does Vox know!?

“Oh!” Nifty appeared at the base of Vox’s boots. “A bad boy!”

The media demon took a step back, clearly uncomfortable with the small demon’s gaze. Vaggie picked her up and pulled her aside.

“Charlie, is this one of your friends?” Lucifer slides himself into the conversation.

Vox’s jaw drops. “Oh, my god! You’re him! You’re the Lucifer!”

“Well,” Lucifer brushed invisible dirt off his shoulder. “I don’t mean to brag but yes, it is I, you’re humble King.”

Vox sure knows how to captivate an audience and Lucifer was playing right into the palm of his hand.

“Vox of Voxtek Technologies, at your service sir,” the media demon shakes Lucifer’s hand. “I must say, you are even more handsome in person.”

“Ouch!” Electricity zaps the King’s arm, causing him to flinch away. “Ha, ha, you flatter me…”

“Not at all! I believe you’re in the running for one of Hell’s most eligible bachelors?” The media demon winked. “Check your phone.”

The King pulled out his cellphone - complete with a rubber duck charm - which Vox zapped, sending the screen straight to a news article. The King was so entranced with what was written that he forgot the situation completely.

Why did Vox and Lucifer have to get along!?

“What the fuck?” Angel pulled out his phone and started flipping through news sources to hunt down whatever the fuck Vox was talking about. “Oh, shit it’s all over Vitter!*”

Oh, Angel and gossip...

The spider demon tried to show you his phone but you shooed him away.

Priorities, Angel!

“Actually, Vox,” Charlie smiles, her hands behind her back. “You’ve come on a good day because Thestral is…”

“No way!” Husk closes the distance, leaving Angel still guarding your side. The cat demon crosses his arms over his chest, shooting Vox a death glare. “He needs to go, now.”

“Well hello there little pet, where’s your master?”

“Like Hell I would tell you anything!”

“So he’s still making chaos in the Doomsday District then?” Vox prods but Husk says nothing.

“Well then,” Vox readjusts his suit. “That answers that question. On to more pressing, business. Where is she?”

“You aren’t going anywhere near her,” he threatens. The bartender wasn’t backing down, if anything he sized the media demon up, as if weighing his options. Fuck, you didn’t know what Husk was still capable of but you didn’t want to find out.

“Oh, down kitty.” Little sparks of electricity shoot out of Vox’s antenna.

“Hey! Don’t call me a kitty, you fu-“

“Husk,” you interrupt him. Emerging from behind your protective wall of white and pink fluff, you coax the bartender away from Vox. “It’s okay. I can take it from here,” you squeeze the demon’s paw before turning to Vox.

Mustering your most sincere smile, you say to the demon, “Hey Vox.”

“Babe! You look great! These are for you!” He thrusts the flowers into your hands

Blue Forget-Me-Knots, how original.

“What are you doing here?” You tried not to sound annoyed, you really did, but acting was Angel’s strong suit not yours. Hell, you’ve become a fantastic liar but keeping your feelings contained was a whole other battle.

“To check-in. I haven’t been able to get ahold of you and you getting hurt was my fault so…”

Your heart skipped a beat.

“Your fault?”

“Yeah,” the demon’s gaze met the floor. “Charlie said you were on your way to V Tower to see me when the attack happened.”

You side glanced the Princess whose face was turning pink. What exactly had Husk and Angel told her happened?

“Anyway, I just…” The demon rubbed his neck and huffed. “Here!” Vox pulled out two things: a new phone and a watch.

Oh, here we go again.

“As an apology. Voxtek’s latest and greatest!” The demon posed with the electronics.

“Holy shit! Is that the new VWatch?” Angel asked. “That thang ain’t even out on the market yet!”

You shot him an exasperated look. Which team are you on, Angel?

Vox took your hand in his, fastening the watch around your wrist. “I’ve already connected it to your phone!” The demon turned both screens on. A notification flashed between the two of them to show you they had connected.

“Yay,” You feigned joy. Say whatever you have to say to get him out of here.

The second he leaves this is gone. No fucking way were you giving him the ability to track you so easily. The voice in the back of your head was screaming danger! danger! danger!

“Thank you.”

“Anything for you, babe,” The demon pinched your cheek, rather hard actually. “Oh, would you look at the time!” Vox checked his phone. “I’m afraid I have somewhere to be but,” He smiled at you, winking. “I’ll see you soon, babe.”

Hopefully not too soon… Actually, hopefully never.

“Okay.” Was all you could say. Go home. Go home. Go home!

“Text me!” He laughed as he headed for the doors. “Your majesty,” the demon bowed before disappearing.

That was weird. He wasn’t mad you went AWOL for two weeks? He didn’t even ask for an explanation!? Wait, did he think the two of you were dating!? No. No. No! Uh, no! You are not dating Vox! Hell - to the fuck - no!

What in the fuck did Charlie tell him!? Was ghosting this guy not enough to send a message? Did the Princess say something to get his hopes up? Did he assume everything was good between the two of you, that you wanted this!?

As soon as the door shut you turned to Charlie, who was now hiding behind Vaggie. Irritation bubbled beneath your skin as the Princess smiled sheepishly at you. The flowers catching fire made everyone jump back. You didn’t care anymore. Who the fuck cares anymore!?

“What did you do?”

____________________________________________

Vox dials his phone as he nonchalantly heads down the street.

“Is everything in place?” The media demon asks.

“Yes, boss. The bitch won’t know what hit her.” A male voice answers.

Vox chuckles, his one eye turning red, “Good. Good. Let the massacre begin.”

____________________________________________

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! 

Cellphones across the room chimed out in chorus, including your’s and your watch.

The spider demon looked at his phone, pure panic forming on his face.

“Angel, what’s wrong?” Your heart sank. 

“Oh, toots. You’re gonna wanna see this.” He turned the pink phone towards you to reveal an alert. 

Velvette posted a video on her Sinstagram and Vox sent a notification out for everyone to see it. 

Angel pressed play. 

Velvette’s cackle was iconic, as she picked up the phone. The front facing camera was on, so you couldn’t see her face, just the floor of V Tower now newly constructed. Her skipping stopped before the camera turned back around to her. 

“Hello, Pentagram City!” She sang. “It’s Velvette here coming to you from the top of the newly restored V Tower, and I have a little friend here who wants to say hello to everyone!” She turns the camera back around, and the sight nearly knocks you off your feet.

It was Alastor, bloodied and bruised, tied to a metal chair.

This was impossible. Alastor couldn’t be captured on any recording devices or cameras. Which meant Velvette and Vox had weakened him a great deal. Where the fuck was Rolf? Why hadn’t he come and found you!? 

“Say hello, Radio Demon.” Velvette cackled, but Alastor didn’t move. Alastor didn’t move!

Alastor was significantly more powerful than this. How in the Hell did they capture him!? 

The camera turned back around to Velvette. “Your boy toy is waiting for you, Shadow. Come and get 'em!” 

The video ended. 

And you screamed. 

Tears streamed down your face as you began to shake. Angel grabbed you, ensuring you wouldn’t fall to the floor.

“Holy shit,” Husk breathed. 

Rosie told you there were bystanders. She told you people saw. Alastor must have missed one or something or… or… Then that means… 

“She… she… she…” you couldn’t form words. “She figured out Alastor was the one who saved me after I killed Valentino.” Your voice broke as you collapsed into the spider demon in a heap of sobs. “I have to go.”

“No way, Hair clip.” Angel protested. “It’s clearly a trap.” 

“They’re going to kill him, Angel!” You practically screamed as your entire body shook, anxiety bubbled in your chest, your power surging as it fed off your anxious energy. 

“I know, toots. I know.” 

“She knows I’m an Angel.” You looked at the two of them, desperately scanning their faces for answers.

“It’s my fault. It’s all my fault.” You grabbed at your hair, the blue flames threatening to break through. “If I hadn’t killed Valentino, Alastor wouldn’t have needed to save me. But I had to because Valentino almost killed you because I killed Travis.” Green static ran across your arms. 

Angel jumped back, some of the electricity zapping him. 

“If I hadn’t become the Shadow, I wouldn’t have killed Travis, and the Vees wouldn’t have gone after Alastor.”

____________(Trigger warning)_______________

You fell to your knees the entire world spinning out of control. You felt it then, that well of power deep within you that you’ve been keeping contained for the past six years. It threatened to break through, begged to break through. You were hyperventilating now, desperately trying to push that well of power down as your panic only seemed to build. 

This was your fault. Alastor was going to die because of you. If you hadn’t been so distracted, you could have seen this coming. You did nothing about the Crim situation after learning about it and did nothing to stop Velvette from buying weapons from Carmilla Carmine. You didn’t monitor the Vees after you killed Valentino to see if they were planning any attacks of revenge. 

You did nothing! You are useless! You have always been useless! Why didn’t you try harder? Why didn’t you see these things coming? You’re worthless! A pathetic excuse for a soldier! You are a disappointment to your name! A disappointment to your father! All the years of effort, all the years of training for nothing!  

Why are you still even here!? Why are you still even trying!? You’re a failure. A miserable failure in everything that you do! And now someone you care about was going to die because of you. Because you are weak! 

“No, stop it!” You screamed, clamping your hands down over your eyes. 

Stop? Stop!? You wouldn’t have to stop anything if you had just listened! Tried harder! Actually succeeded! 

A tornado of blues and greens exploded from you, plunging your world into a sea of colors. The magic spun around you, whipping your hair about your face and blocking your view of the room. 

Alastor’s dead because of you. You can’t take that back. 

It’s your fault. 

It’s Your fAulT. 

It’S yOuR FaULt. 

IT’S YOUR FAULT. 

Somewhere, a high-pitched voice screamed. Or was it you screaming? It was hard to tell. The voices in your head had become too loud to hear anything else.

“I’m sorry!” You yelled back, tears streaming down your face. “I’m so sorry! Please make it stop!”

Stop? stoP? StOp? STop? STOP? 

“Please, Dad, stop!” You screamed. 

You could hear his laugh clear as day as the voices inside your head merged into one, “Stop?”

You curled into a ball, squeezing your eyes shut so you didn’t have to look at him. 

“You’re such a disappointment, do you know that?” His voice echoed around you, swirling with the winds and colors engulfing your small form.

“Dad, I’m sorry,” you sob. “Please!” A throb in your chest. That well of power was still there, still trying to take advantage and breakthrough. 

“You’re pathetic. Lying there, groveling like an insolent child. No one will ever love you, you know. No one will ever care.”

Throb, push, pull. The power was trying to undo the knots, trying to take advantage to slip out. 

“It was a mistake to create you.” 

“I was a mistake,” you repeated. 

“No!” A voice screamed, cutting through the wind and the voices. “You are not a mistake!” 

Charlie? 

“You are not a mistake, Thestral!” You opened your eyes to find Charlie fighting against the hurricane of colors. The Princess was pushing against the wind; her hair had escaped her braid. One hand held in front of her, the other reaching out for you, she slowly trudged her way forward. 

“You are wrong!” She screamed. “You are not a mistake, and you are loved! We love you, Thestral!” 

What?

“Me, Husk, Angel, Nifty, Pentious, even Vaggie. We love you!” The Princess fell to her knees before you. “We are your family now, Thestral, and we love you.” Her hands found yours. “And we will always be here for you, no matter what!” 

You sat up a bit to meet the Princess’ eyeline. She smiled softly at you despite the chaos around. “You are not a mistake. You are loved.” She leaned in, emphasizing every word. “It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.” 

IT’S YOUR FAULT. 

It’S yOuR FaULt. 

It’s Your fAulT. 

It’s your fault. 

It’s not your fault. 

“It’s not my fault,” you repeated. 

The winds began to die down around you, the colors fading away, the voices silencing. 

Until it was just you and Charlie lying on the Hotel floor. 

“It’s not your fault,” she repeated before bringing you into a hug. You hugged her back, her warmth, her touch, her weight, a calming presence around you. 

“Thank you,” you breathed into her hair.

____________________________________________

(Pick up here if you skipped the earlier section)

____________________________________________

“Uhhhh,” Angel peered his head up from behind the couch. “Can someone please explain to me how I’m not dead?” 

You continued to breathe as Charlie held you on the floor. She did her best to fix your hair as you spoke. “Oh, my God, I’m so…”

“Don’t,” Charlie stopped you. With a hand on either cheek, she forced you to look at her. “Don’t apologize.” You had never seen her so serious. “You’re scared. We all are.” 

You nod. 

“Is everyone okay?” She asked the room.

Everyone checked in. Including Lucifer. 

“Yup! All the magical colors just make me want to throw up a bit!” The King gagged. 

Ew.

“Okay, team. What’s the plan?” Charlie stood, radiating determination. 

“Uhm, pardon me?” Angel threw himself over the couch. 

“The plan to get Alastor back.” 

“What?” Vaggie grabbed Charlie by the jacket, making as if to shake some sense into her. “You are not going up against Vox and Velvette. No way!” 

“Vaggie,” the Princess protested. “Alastor is in trouble. We have to get him back.” 

We?

“Uhm, excuse me, ‘we’?” Lucifer blinked. 

“Yes,” Charlie stood tall. “We. None of us would be here if it weren’t for him. We wouldn’t have this Hotel without him. He’s defended it more times than you can count.” 

“I don’t owe the prick anything.” Lucifer stepped in. 

“Dad,” Charlie approached him warily. “Well… How do I put this lightly… After Mom left, you kind of did too.” 

“You completely abandoned her,” Vaggie muttered. 

Lucifer looked away, his arms crossed. 

“What Vaggie means to say is, Alastor was there for me when you weren’t. He’s helped take care of me - in a very demonic way - but he did what he did because he cares about me and this Hotel. If the situation was reversed and I asked him, he would help.” Charlie’s smile turned down to a fine line. “I’m asking, as your daughter. Please, help us.” She reached a hand out for him. 

Lucifer eventually melted, taking her hand in his. He nodded, before Charlie whipped back around to face you. “Okay! What do you need from us?” 

You dried your eyes. “Us?” You repeated, meeting the faces of everyone around you. 

They all looked… determined. Well, except for Nifty, she looked bloodthirsty and downright demonic. 

They were going to fight with you.

A feeling sparked in your chest, one which was new to you but second nature to Human Sinners: pride.

Mere months ago you came to this hotel with a plan to befriend the Princess and her crew. You needed to weasel your way into her world, earn their sympathy, gain their devotion. It was a ploy of manipulation. You weren’t here to make friends. You were here for power and chaos, nothing more.

That was the plan, right?

Yet, somewhere along the way, they found a way into your world, had earned your sympathy, gained your devotion. Rosie once told you that you never let anyone in and those that found a way past your wall terrified you. Here, now, surrounded by those you genuinely considered friends, you weren’t afraid…

You felt powerful.

You smiled softly, trying to corral the overwhelming swell of emotion within you. You summoned magic in your other hand, the green static jumping across your skin: Alastor’s magic. You could feel him, feel his breath, his heart beating at the other end of the connection as real and as strong as your own.

No more running.

You tried to push a little bit of your magic through the connection, as if to say “Hold on, Alastor. We’re coming.”

You turned to the group. “Before we get started, there are some things you need to know…”

Last short transition chapter before stuff get’s good!

*The competition for the most eligible bachelor in Hell actually happened on Twitter, but I'm pretty sure it was "hottest in Hell" or something like that. It involved legit bribery and scandals, but in the end, Vox won - because, of course, he did.

-> Chapter Twelve

Tag List (Let me know if you want to be added):

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@demoarah @diffidentphantom @divineknightmare

[uraveragelonelygay]

Danger

Colt Seavers x fem!reader

a/n: hey team! surprise! also, i despise the way this turned out. but i haven’t written in ages, so i guess I’ve gotta start somewhere. if it’s shit, i apologize in advance! but enjoy!!!

summary: you have an issue with your boyfriend’s addiction to danger. he doesn’t see the problem. but will he see it when the shoe is on the other foot?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“you’re not listening to me.”

“no, i hear you loud and clear. you don’t agree with me doing my job.”

you and colt have been at it for the entirety of your lunch break. this all started when you heard from your coworker, hannah, in the animal welfare department that colt had agreed to perform a stunt involving him leaping from one helicopter to another. you were outraged to hear this through the grapevine instead of from your own boyfriend.

so, when he walked into your tent during lunch with that stupid smirk on his face, you just lost it. needless to say, he was not receptive to your worries.

you sigh, running your hand through your hair frustratedly. “that is not what i’m saying and you know it, colt. i’m just saying i can tell you’re getting riskier and riskier. this isn’t a car roll we’re talking about here, colt. this is literally leaping through the air. something that could absolutely be done through vfx.”

he takes a deep breath, trying to calm the conversation down. “you just don’t get it. the pressure to agree to something when you’re on set with everyone watching you…you just don’t get it.”

you furrowed your brows at this. “i don’t get it? i work on a film set too, in case you forgot.”

he can feel tensions are high, so he attempts once more to calm things by making a joke…one that happens to be in very poor taste.

“i mean, technically, but, don’t you just sit in your trailer all day and tell dogs to sit and stay? it’s not like you’re actually experiencing the pressures of hollywood,” he says with a chuckle.

your heart drops at that. no way did he just demean your entire life’s work to ‘telling dogs to sit and stay’. you’ve worked for years to be a professional animal trainer for screen and stage. it’s been your dream since you were a little girl growing up helping your parents with the animal sanctuary they founded.

“what did you just say?” you ask, shocked.

you see the fear on his face as he realizes the implications of his own words. “oh my god, no, i didn’t mean-“

you cut him off, a look of pure betrayal on your face. “no, i know exactly what you meant. now, if you’ll excuse me, i have to get some dogs to sit.”

“baby, wait, i-“

“out, seavers,” you demanded.

colt knew upon hearing you call him by his last name that there was no mending this right now, so he nodded his head in defeat and slowly left your tent.

you sat down in your chair and put your head in your hands, trying not to cry. deep down, you knew he was just trying to ease the tension of the situation with his typical colt-seavers-awkward-humor. but you just couldn’t shake the feeling his words left you with. he knew how hard you had worked for this position and how demeaning people could be about it. you just never thought that your biggest insecurity would be the bud of one of his jokes.

taking a deep breath, you stand up and try to shake off your argument. you had work to do.

~

meanwhile, colt is back on set, trying his best to focus as dan briefs him on what his airplane jump will look like. understandably, the stunt man is having trouble focusing. all he can think about is the look of complete and utter betrayal on your face after he made that joke. that stupid fucking joke. why couldn’t he have thought before he spoke, just this once?

“earth to seavers…” dan snaps in colt’s face, trying to get his attention.

“sorry, dan, you were saying?”

dan rolls his eyes. “you might wanna listen to this, considering it’s going to be one of the most dangerous stunts ever performed.”

colt cringes at that. “actually, dan, on second thought-“

dan’s walkie interrupts the conversation as a panicked voice comes through.

“we have a code red in animal welfare, code red in animal welfare.”

colt’s eyes widen at that. “dan, what the fuck does that mean?”

dan puts up a hand to shut colt up. “shhhh, i’m trying to hear it-“

“everyone please clear the area, emts to animal welfare, emts to animal welfare.”

dan speaks into the walkie. “can we request some elaboration on the situation please?”

the walkie beeps with a response. “koda got spooked.”

colt is terrified at this point, his heartbeat ringing in his ears. “dan…isn’t koda a black bear?”

dan slowly nods his head, worry prominent on his face.

“colt, i think you’ve gotta get to animal welfare. this could be bad.”

~

as you slowly regain consciousness, the first thing you notice is that you can only see half as well as usual. you lift your hand up to your face with a shaky hand and make contact with gauze that seems to be covering half of your face.

“oh fuck.“

your words startled a certain fall guy out of his slumber. upon noticing the panic on your face, he’s quick to move to your side.

“hey, sweetheart, how are you doing?” he gently asks.

“that depends,” you start slowly, “do i still have two eyes?”

he stifles a laugh at your blunt response. “yeah, don’t worry. you still have two eyes. it was a close one, though. he got you pretty good.”

you look at him confused. “what even happened? all i remember is koda getting overwhelmed and going to jump on me. everything else is lost on me.”

colt sighed. “you were knocked unconscious once you hit the ground, but from there koda did some damage with his claws. luckily, hannah was able to get him off of you before he-“ his breath hitches at the thought.

you squeeze his hand. “hey, it’s okay. it’s all okay.”

colt’s face crumples at this as tears fall down his face. you take his face in your hands and gently wipe his tears away. “what is it, honey?”

“i get it now. getting the call on the walkie. i get it. my heart fucking stopped because i thought that you were gonna-“

you press a kiss to his forehead. “shhh. i didn’t, though.”

“but you could’ve, and the last thing i would’ve said to you was that dumb joke that was the opposite of the truth,” he sobbed out.

“baby, i know that. i was just upset in the moment because it hit a sore spot, but of course i knew your true intentions. we’re okay, yeah?” you stroke his hair to calm him down, and the two of you sit there for a moment until his sobs become sniffles.

you bask in the silence, happy to still be alive and still be with him.

“i’m not doing it.”

upon your curious look, colt continues.

“the plane stunt. i’m not doing it.”

you sigh. “i just worry, but ultimately you do know best-“

he cuts you off. “no, no. i learned today how terrifying it is to watch you in danger of losing your life. i can’t imagine how you feel everyday on set. i’m not doing it.”

you smile. “well, i can’t say i’m not relieved to hear that.”

he smiles back at you.

“i love you, darling.”

“i love you right back, fall guy.”

[lemonlover1110]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝟑𝟖𝟏

Toji Fushiguro

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[Chapter 14] Hospital Visit

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader

Discord +18 - Twitter - Ko-Fi

When you hang up the phone, you immediately get a taxi. You have no option but to take Megumi with you since there’s no one else that can take care of him. The four-year-old is confused as to why you’re going out, but maybe you’re going out for ice cream so he doesn’t mind too much. 

The whole ride to the hospital, it feels as if your heart is in your throat. You didn’t get any details. Right now, your brain is your biggest enemy. You’re on the verge of tears, thinking that the most horrible thing happened to him– Well, he certainly isn’t fine. You wouldn’t have received a call from the hospital if Toji was fine. 

You can’t glance at Megumi during the entire car ride because you wonder what’ll happen if it’s something grave, Megumi would have no one. Apart from you. You’d have no problem taking care of Megumi but you’re not sure if you'd be enough for him. You doubt that you’d be.

“Can we get some ice cream?” Megumi asks, and you try to smile at him. 

“Maybe after, baby. We have to do something.” You answer. You get to the hospital, and it’s safe to say that Megumi is nervous. Every time he’s in a similar environment, he’s here to get a vaccine so the painful memories come back; at least he gets a treat after he cries his little heart out. 

You walk to the front desk and you ask for Toji. Your relationship to the patient? You’re his emergency contact. You have no other way to answer the question. Maybe his son’s babysitter… You’re not sure if they’ll let you through with that answer though.

They tell you where he’s at, pointing towards a pair of wooden doors that make you gulp while your palms get more sweaty. You grip Megumi’s hand and begin to walk towards the doors, which right now, feels like a challenge to you. You come to find yourself in disbelief at the fact that you’re Toji’s emergency contact, even though you shouldn’t be too shocked. He doesn’t have a family that you know of, of course, apart from the four-year-old whose hand you hold.

When you get to where Toji is supposed to be, you find the woman that you’ve grown to despise. She has done nothing to you, but you can’t help but roll your eyes when she’s in front of you. You walk past her and slide the curtain that separates Toji from the rest of the room, and she doesn’t even seem to notice you. She completely slips your mind when you walk inside, and you breathe a sigh of relief when you see him intact. Megumi sees his father laying down on the hospital bed, and he begins to cry, his tiny mind thinking of the worst– Which isn’t as bad as what you’re thinking, Megumi most likely thinks his dad is ill.

Instead of focusing on Toji, you pick up Megumi from the floor and wipe his tears while you kiss his cheeks repeatedly. Your hand rubs his back and you say, “See, he’s fine. He’s just sleeping.”

You would walk Megumi over to Toji so he can poke him, but you have no idea what Toji has. You have no idea if it’s contagious and you don’t want Megumi to catch anything.

A nurse walks in, her eyes on the chart that’s in her hands before her gaze falls on you and the kid that you hold. Her eyes shift back and forth between you and the curtain that separates you from Momoko. She won’t get into it, instead she clears her throat, “Are you the emergency contact?”

“I am.” You answer. You stare at Toji who seems to peacefully sleep, and you have the question, “What’s wrong with him?”

“He collapsed. Completely knocked out.” She says, and you’re not sure if you want to find out more because this feels all too familiar. You begin to tremble, and you have to put Megumi down. 

“Will he be okay?” Your voice breaks, and you hope that she doesn’t notice. You’ve grown to care a lot for Toji, and while you aren’t talking, you obviously don’t want anything bad to happen to him. 

“Yeah, there doesn't seem to be anything worrying so far… We’re running some tests, but from the looks of it, he’s going to be fine.” She says, which takes so much weight off your shoulders. “We’re not sure when he’ll wake up though… Not sure if you want to stay considering you have a child with you.”

“Yeah… Do you have an idea of what it is?” You ask, your nerves still getting the best of you even though she told you that everything seems fine. You just want to double check that he’ll be okay so you don’t stay awake, tossing and turning wondering what’s wrong with Toji.

“By the looks of it, he’s exhausted. Too exhausted for his body to function.” She answers, and you take a closer look at the man that you’ve barely cared to look at this passing time. The eyebags are evident, and you have no idea how you hadn’t noticed before. “Do you want me to say something to the woman that’s waiting outside?”

“She’ll leave on her own. I’ll be leaving soon anyway, I can talk to her. Thank you.” You tell the nurse whose brows raise. She bites down her tongue, it’s none of her business. She shouldn’t get involved even though curiosity is slowly killing her. She ends up walking away, and you finally pay attention to Megumi whose little hands rest on the edge of the bed. Upon closer look, you see him trying to climb on the bed. You sigh before picking him up. You know it’s nothing contagious so you lower him and allow the little boy to poke his father’s cheek. “See, he’s fine.”

“Wake up.” Megumi says to no avail. Before you can tell him that Toji isn’t waking up so easily this time, he says, “Daddy. Wake up.”

“C’mon, Megumi. Toji isn’t waking up so fast tonight. You’ll be able to talk to him tomorrow.” It makes his bottom lip stick out. You kiss his cheek before you assure him, “We’ll come back tomorrow. You also know what this means? We’re getting ice cream.”

“Really?” His eyes light up, the mention of the treat lightening up his mood and almost bringing a smile to his face. You nod in response. You glance over at Toji one last time, and you take a deep breath. It hurts to see him like this, but you’re thankful at the very least that it’s nothing too serious.

“Say bye to your daddy, Megumi.” You tell the little boy who unenthusiastically waves his hand. You mimic him before you walk away. 

You wish you could say that you’re surprised at the fact that Momoko is still there, doing God knows what. You stand still for a moment, deciding what you should do about her. Should you just leave her? You have no idea if you have the right to address her, you’re just Toji’s neighbor. You decide that your best option is to walk away, talking to Momoko will most likely get you upset. And as you do so, you hear, “Hey!”

You come to a stop and slowly turn to look at her. You try your best to not come off as hostile even though you don’t like her. She’s done nothing to you but you’ve never hated someone more. You furrow your brows and ask, “May I help you?”

“I couldn’t help but notice… Are you Toji’s wife?” She sounds so sweet when she speaks that you almost roll your eyes. The question makes you realize that she doesn’t know much about Toji, especially considering how she stares at the child that you hold in your arms– You could lie… Which would cause a lot of problems between you and Toji. So you have to avoid lying. 

“I’m his neighbor.” You truthfully answer, and you hate that she’s noticeably relieved which almost makes your eye twitch. You’re jealous? No, you have no reason to be. “And you are?”

“Oh… I’m…” She can’t quite put her mind on what to call herself. She ends up shaking her head, “No one. Doesn’t matter… Um… Is that your son?”

“Toji’s.” You answer and her eyes go wide, as if it’s the first time that she’s hearing of this; perhaps it is, you don’t see why Toji would bring up Megumi when this is supposed to be a job. They aren’t actually dating.

“Oh, I see.” She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. She gets visibly flushed, and you almost smirk. She clears her throat and she tries her best to put on a smile, “Did you drive here? Do you need a ride back home?”

“I don’t.” You answer even though you don’t have a ride. Your parents taught you to not get into a stranger’s car, and this applies all too well. Maybe you should say something else before walking away, but you don’t. Megumi’s staring back and you try to get his attention off her, saying, “Let’s go get that ice cream, baby.”

After having Megumi sleep over, you wake up the next morning with the worst body ache– The little boy kicked you so many times in your sleep that you’re surprised that he didn’t break one of your bones. Megumi is much more cheerful the next morning, and he wakes you up early to see his father. 

This is the first time Megumi officially sleeps over and you immediately realize why Toji collapsed. He does not let you sleep and when you finally close your eyes he wakes you up. You make breakfast for him, get him and yourself ready, and then head to the hospital.

This morning he’s in a different room, more private than the emergency room. Thankfully, there’s no unwanted guests. He’s laid back on a bed, a remote in hand as he browses for a channel that’s interesting for him. He doesn’t bother to look at the door, assuming it’s another nurse. Not until he hears the sweetest sound of the morning, “Daddy!”

“Megumi!” Toji has the biggest smile you’ve ever seen as he watches his son run over to the bed. Toji picks up the boy and puts him down beside him on the bed which leaves him cramped for space; not because Megumi is big, but because Toji is huge.

“How are you doing, Toji? Last time I saw you, you were fast asleep.” You speak up, slowly walking over to the chair that’s beside his bed. He’s smiling at you but not as brightly as he smiles at his son.

“Like I got run over by a truck, but better.” Toji answers. You take a seat and you watch as Megumi’s head rests on his dad’s chest, his eyes focused on the TV. You and Toji stare at each other for a moment before his eyes fall on the TV so he can look for something that’ll entertain the child. “Thank you so much.”

“It was no problem, Toji. We’re friends. I’m glad that you’re okay.” You respond. He opens his mouth to speak but he bites his tongue because that’s not appropriate to say. You wait for him to speak, but when he doesn’t say anything, you take it upon yourself to say something. “So… Is everything going to be okay?”

“Yeah. Just told I need to rest, and take more care of myself. Sleep more. Drink water. Have a better diet.” He tells you, and you can’t help but agree more. You’re probably going to be on his ass about it so a similar situation doesn’t happen. 

“You better listen, Toji. You made me worried sick.” You confess, and he smirks. He tilts his head to the side,

“Really? Were you thinking that you wouldn’t be…” He begins and his eyes shift to his son and then back to you. He puts his hands over Megumi’s ears and then continues to say, “Kiss me anymore?”

“Yeah.” You laugh. You haven’t even had a proper conversation in what feels like an eternity, yet he’s talking about kisses. He lets out a chuckle which then proceeds to make the room silent. Of course, apart from Megumi’s cartoon which is loud and clear. A question comes to mind and you feel nervous about asking. But you proceed to ask, “Has Momoko come around?”

“Not really. Why would she?” Toji asks. He stretches his hand out, and you put your palm in his. He squeezes your hand, and you try your best to not smile like a fool. Your breathing gets heavy and slowly tears well up in your eyes. Toji notices your eyes get glossy and his brows furrow before he asks a question that is enough to make you burst into tears, “Are you okay?”

It makes you get up from your seat and engulf him, and the boy that’s in his bed, in a tight hug. It can squeeze the air out of them but neither of them will complain. Toji doesn’t get this type of hug often so he’ll appreciate it. He knows you’re just relieved so he won’t ruin your moment. You murmur,

“I’m so glad you’re okay.”

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

For me, the award for character growth has to go to Jin Xiaobao. 🥇

I know Huai’en has developed so much with regard to emotions—it’s like night and day going back to the first episodes—but overall he’s still mostly the same person. He was always smart, and his moral code was always questionable at best because of his upbringing. The biggest difference there now is that he cares about Xiaobao and makes decisions based on what will hurt him. He’s still okay with watching things burn or sacrificing himself if it will help Xiaobao, though. Not a criticism, just an observation. It’s not entirely fundamentally different from the early Huai’en who said that the world beyond his father’s plans wasn’t his concern and fought like he had a death wish.

Xiaobao, on the other hand, is fundamentally different. He has changed at all levels of development. Hear me out.

At the start, he would throw his affections at anybody who caught his eye in the moment and was extremely fickle. Now, he has been told people will set him up with lovely ladies so he can start a family at least twice, but he doesn’t entertain the notion because he knows there are bigger priorities, like his illness and taking care of his family and friends. Given that one of those offers came at the height of his disdain for Huai’en, it’s unlikely that it boils down to simply being lovesick, though that’s surely part of it. He’s been burned badly by that fickle attraction of his this time, so he’s far more discerning about his priorities. He doesn’t leap back into a relationship with Huai’en; even finding out about him giving up his title and getting the emperor to pardon them sent Xiaobao running to warn him about the trap, not running into his arms. His forgiveness isn’t so easily won anymore because instead of acting on a whim, he’s setting aside emotions and willfulness to emphasize prior experience. He knows his emotions and how he acts on them don’t just impact him anymore, so now his willfulness is tempered by his sense of responsibility.

On the subject of emotions, they were also far less stable and more manipulative before. If he didn’t get the responses he wanted, he’d toss a small fit, and his emotions could be like a rollercoaster at times. (“Pour me some water,” anyone?) He even planned to use that tendency to convince his mother their relationship was all right by turning on the waterworks. Now, he’s far more stable even with everything happening to him. By all accounts, this guy should be an absolute mess. He should have flipped his lid when Que Siming insinuated that he wanted to take Jinbao away—permanently. Instead, he doesn’t fly off the handle at things and takes a moment to think rather than base his responses on assumptions, especially self-centered ones.

Speaking of, he’s not at all self-centered anymore. He has repeatedly made mention of the fact that he can’t be a spoiled young master forever and that there is no going back for him. When confronting his feelings about Huai’en, he mentions his parents now being impoverished and homeless before his own struggles; he even talks about Xiaoyu being taken away and glosses over any sense of betrayal in their relationship in favor of focusing on the general betrayal of taking the account book. Even in moments when he could be justifiably angry with Su Yin for trying to keep him from doing whatever he wants with regard to Huai’en, he takes a step back and seems to consider why Su Yin is doing all this. He doesn’t expect Su Yin’s approach to change with his emotions or whims, given how unreliable he knows those have been before, and tailors his arguments to make it about logic and reason instead.

Another segue! Intellectually, Xiaobao has grown so much. On two occasions, he’s had to ask people to basically use smaller words; he passed the brain cell around with Jinbao and Zhaocai and was quite happy to take custody of it as seldom as possible. He still has moments where he doesn’t pick up on things, like not knowing his idioms or Su Yin’s sarcasm about selling Jinbao going right over his head, but he thinks now. He’s so insulated and protected that sometimes he needs a hint to spark his suspicions, but he thinks. All Que Siming had to say was “dahlia” and “Yuxia,” and Xiaobao was able to put together that something in Su Yin’s story didn’t add up. For someone who was teased about not understanding when he asked what Prince Li wanted Su Yin to return to Annan for, he’s repeatedly put together the intricacies of court politics in light of Huai’en’s identity and Su Yin’s plan with Shaoyu. His reaction is a culmination of all the aforementioned changes: not self-centered enough to make it about him even when he knows it really is, not overly emotional enough to be angry about it when he has plenty of reason, and smart enough to know how to address it in conversation. (Does it stop Su Yin from knocking him the hell out because he didn’t come this far for his little brother to hop back into what he perceives to be an abusive relationship? Nope, but you can see that it still means something to Su Yin to hear him speak that way all the same.)

I’m excited to read the book because a story like this really can’t be fully told in twelve episodes, but as far as his portrayal in the series goes, Xiaobao gets the gold medal in development for me. All of the characters have grown immensely from the start, but for me, Xiaobao is the one who has become the most well-rounded as a person through his experiences—including those unrelated to his relationship with Huai’en. He’s still the sunshine boy, but he knows when to rise and set now rather than burning himself and everyone around him out.

[cosmousee]

What Is Lunar Eclipse Bringing In For You!!🌜🌟

Hello everybody!!!

I'm back with another pick a pile🥰

I know I'm literally posting it on the DAY of the eclipse, but I got to writing it yesterday only, and with the last pile my laptop literally fell apart.

I completed writing it in class, because...who listens to lectures anyway🤪

ANYWHO! Enough chit chat!

Choose whatever pile resonates with you, whatever does not, remember to just pass it on🥰

Pile 1>>2>>3

Enjoy! (Posting it from phone, apologies if the formatting is bad😭)

Pile 1

Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!

For you I saw more of a building your own self sort of a thing. I saw an animation of you know sort of a stick figure thingy, and it was entirely made up of small paper bits, and you were rebuilding yourself again and again by replacing those bits with other bits. I think you guys are constantly figuring out which self is your most authentic self and the one where you are happiest being yourself. Ofcourse, this doesn’t come easy, which is why you are in a constant process.

For your oracle cards, we have

St. John’s Wort and Marigold: Against your will, there will not be; no entrance, no welcoming. Be Gone.

Witch’s Rosary: Craft your skills with intentions repeated, a practice of magick powered by purpose.

I’ll add your tarot cards here only, because I think they make more sense if I read them all together.

Your tarot cards are,

4 of Cups, 3 of Wands, The Fool and The Empress

For all of you, I believe you guys are free to choose, free to welcome whatever you want this lunar eclipse. It is your own decision, whatever path you want to choose, whether it may be your love life, your career, you focusing on your own self, focusing on forming a community for yourself.

I mean the list feels endless. Lunar eclipse is a fated time for things, and for you I feel like whatever you want this time, you’ll get it. Like it is up to you to focus on whatever and receive what you are focusing on. I have also heard that you shouldn’t manifest during lunar eclipse, or eclipses in general, but honestly, if you are feeling called to do so, you should listen to that calling.

The oracle cards are also saying that it you who is going to decide, nothing will happen if you don’t want that to happen. Everything is your will. And when you want something, be really really intentional and determined about it. Affirm about the things, sit and visualize those things, journal about them. Like keep that thing in your prayers and your thoughts sort of a thing.

Sit and reflect on what you think is the thing you need and want right now. Be determined but also be open about it like The Fool, open to the possibilities of it happening, especially if it feels like its something impossible. Be really fkn assured that whatever youre choosing to want is for your greatest good and you cannot, and will not fuck it up. Its such a fun energy to be in, because I am honestly extremely scared of eclipses, and I just spend the whole season crying my eyes out. I hope y’all are feeling well, because it seems to me that lunar eclipse isn’t forcing you to focus on one thing and deal with it. It letting you take the wheel and nudging you to take the steps this time, and the eclipse will help you achieve that thing and get that thing.

You might be confused as well, you know, that usually eclipses have a greater impact, but nothing is happening right now kinda thing. If you have something in mind that you wanna focus on, you can also ask for a hint, or even take this reading as a confirmation!

Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3

Pile 2

Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!

For you, I saw a very barn type place, or like a farm-y place. It was very bright, sunny (not the kind where you’re all sweaty ugh), and there was a rainbow! I saw you being very very jolly, like literally sprinting and jumping with excitement and all the people you love, your friends and family were cheering you on from a distance.

Now, for your oracle cards, we have,

Harvest Witch: What sacrifices have you made for the greater vision of what is to be?

Adding your tarot cards here itself, because they give a better picture together,

The High Priestess, 10 of Pentacles, The World, 10 of Cups, 3 of Pentacles and The King of Pentacles

Now, the oracle card is talking about the chances you have taken to get out of your comfort zone, to get out of the habits of the current you, or the old you, in order to reach new heights. How much have you consciously put in the effort to grow and reach the highest of the heights you are supposed to achieve in this lifetime.

That’s the thing I saw when you were in that barn, that is such a happy version of you, and with the excitement that I saw, it really felt like either you were dreaming about it for a long time, or you just thought that this life was never possible for you.

Even with the tarot cards, they are telling you to follow your intuition, listen to it very closely. I think with the eclipse its calls would be getting louder by the minute, especially if you are missing the signs or outright ignoring the signs.

You are on a path to great success, you are yet to see the World and everything else that it offers, everything that you didn’t think it will offer.

I’m sure many of you might be content with where you are right now as well. But with this opportunity, you will feel content like never before. You know if you’ve got rose gold glasses on right now, pursuing this new path will give you ultra 4k HD rose gold glasses. There is a fulfilment you haven’t felt before, and it’s gonna come like fresh air to you, like you’ve breathed for the first time, like your lungs have felt the cleanest of the air in a long while.

Spirit might be showing you a collaboration or a partnership which is your ticket for this new world. You might be sitting frustrated about everything, and this opportunity will just drop in. Listen to your intuition, if its telling you to go for it, you better go for it. Don’t double guess it, listen to yourself and let your intuition get a breather because I think it’s been trying to get your attention for a while now!

Also, I think you might have to travel for this, like actually go some place far, which is why I saw your friends and family at a distance. But don’t worry, they are very happy for you and they are cheering you on, and obviously, you can always come back home for them!!

So get out there and you better enjoy the heck out of life!

Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3

Pile 3

Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!

I saw you making snow angels!! Very happy, healing your inner child sort of a thing (I’ve never made a snow angel and I really really wanna). It also makes me think of leaving an impression, or a lasting imprint. Like you say something to someone and it really sticks with them, or you’ve done something that people always remember, even years down the line, they are like “Oh you remember [Name] did this amazing thing that time?” and you are fondly remembered.

It can be a really small act of kindness also that people remember, or you’ve helped someone and that memory is you know forever in their hearts kind of a thing.

Okay, so for your oracle cards we have,

Falling Leaves: Let go of the things that weigh heavily on you; you deserve to take up space.

Crow: Pay close attention to the winds; there’s a message making its way.

The first card again tells you to take up space, which is what you do essentially when you are making snow angels! (11:11 pm make a wish~) You take up space, you do your thing, and that is where you create your mark, your identity. It shows that you were there, you existed, you took up your space, you’ve marked it as your own.

I also think, because of the snow, that the winter season might be important for you.

Also, with the crow card, you might get an idea, an epiphany sort of a thing from someone else. You know when you are walking and you hear someone else say something and it just clicks for you, that yes! That message was definitely for me. You know literally wind coming up to you with a message, because..sound…carries through air.

Oh and crows are also related to ancestors, so it might be that they are contacting you, or telling you something important. Maybe they have some ideas for you to create an impact on this world.

Now for your tarot cards,

Death, 9 of Cups, Ace of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, King of Pentacles and 8 of Pentacles

With all of this pentacle energy, I feel like whatever the eclipse is bringing you right now, its gonna be long term, or its gonna unfold over a long period of time.

There's something you have to let go of, or remove from your life in order to have greater emotional fulfillment. In reference to the snow angel as well, you're healing your inner child by taking up space in the snow, so it's sort of like you have to let go of that part of yourself which inhibits you from pursuing those things, you know that part of you which thinks “no ew its cringey” because you feel like you'll he judged, but in reality if you go and do that thing, it's gonna literally feel like you're enjoying it from deep within your soul.

The Ace of Swords also tells you that you are going to get a new idea, some sort of epiphany, which can help you in your career and generate alot of wealth for you as well.

You may come up with this idea on your own, and then partner up with someone (King of Pentacles) who already has some expertise in the area, or they have the resources to take your idea to the next level. At this time you might be getting constant downloads of ideas, or you'll be getting opportunities or signs about collaborations or partnerships.

Grab these opportunities with full force, you're gonna have a lot of fun!!!

Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3

[idk6123]

The Perfect Student & The Delinquent (Mickey Milkovich X Male Reader)

Mickey never have been one for doing homework, or just doing anything school related at all. Some people call him stupid because of that, but he just doesn’t care. He knows how to make money and that is enough for him. He’s done with school, but school isn’t done with him. And this is school we’re talking about; they’re going to bother him about it by shoving the responsibility to someone else.

That’s when Y/N appears, one of the best students in the school. Mickey knew him. He’s a quiet kid. He didn’t find him annoying enough to beat him up, or rich enough to steal from. Thus, they never interact. However, that all starts one day, when the school hold Y/N responsible for getting Mickey’s grade up. Feeling screwed, he’s going to help Mickey without having much motivation.

“How the fuck should I suppose to know how algebra works!?”

“Maybe you know when you come to fucking class!”

“Maybe if you cut some class, you realize that’s the best way to not get your ass kicked!”

That’s when Y/N hold Mickey in a position that the punk can’t counterattack. Feeling his face against the floor, he looks at the side of eyes and look up to see Y/N, sitting on his body.

“You look like you want to fuck me.”

“Yeah, fuck you over if you don’t shut the fuck up and do your homework.”

To be honest, Mickey is quite surprised that Y/N isn’t the quiet kid he expected him to be. He thought the top student was some shy, timid guy that only wants to do homework, not a martial artist that has no time for bullshit.

“So, you want to lie down while I’m on top off you, or do you want to do something useful?”

Mickey scoffs. “Fine. Get your fat ass off me.”

“At least I got a nice ass.”

They sit down again at the couch and recontinue Mickey’s homework. As Y/N guides him, he notices how much Mickey is struggling with math, causing some frustration. Even after math, Mickey is struggling with almost every subject. English, chemistry, biology, you name it. Y/N bets the only class he can do is PE.

As Mickey continues to struggle on the task, Y/N can tell he’s going to burst out in anger anytime soon. “Let’s take a break.” Mickey looks back, staying quiet. “Got somethin’ to drink?”

“Beer is in the fridge.” Mickey answers. Y/N stands up and heads to the kitchen. “Grab one for me.”

Y/N does that, bringing back two beers. He hands one over to Mickey. After they pop off the caps, they both take a sip at the same time.

“Are you some masochist for doing this shit?”

“Nope. Just someone who hopes for a big job and get rich.” Y/N responds. “Get in a good college first though. You?”

“I just steal the money. We should stay in contact, just in case you get rich.”

Y/N chuckles. “Any chance you get any money from me if you’re either my husband or my sugar baby.”

“That’s a hard pass.”

For the rest of the day, after having their break, Y/N helped Mickey, tutoring him in about every subject. That being said, it doesn’t look bright.

-

It’s another day where Y/N helps Mickey. The straight A student made sure to reflect why Mickey isn’t doing well, not wanting to write it off with him just being dumb. Thus, after changing the homework just a bit, he manages to do something that may help Mickey.

“’In a week, your crew makes these many drug deals: 7, 5, 8, 6, 9, 4, 10. What's the median number of deals?’” This is the first question Mickey read, only thinking what happened to his homework. “What the hell is this?”

“I’m helping you. Now you can use math in your future business.” Y/N responds. “Now, try to figure it out.”

Mickey then looks back at the paper. For whatever reason, he appears he knows what he’s actually doing. He doesn’t look confused, instead he looks focused. “7 deals.”

“Right!” Y/N is happy Mickey finally got something right. “Now to the next.”

“’You got two weapons suppliers. One brings you 2x units and the other brings 3x units. If x is 5, how many total units you got?’” Mickey looks back at his tutor. “25 units.”

“Holy-” Y/N is surprised how well things are going. “Write down the solution.” Without any fuss, Mickey writes down the solution. Afterwards, he gives the paper back at Y/N. “Correct.”

Mickey smirks, grabbing the paper back. “And here people thought I was some dumbass.”

“Well, you proved them wrong.”

-

Now that every question is changed into a language into something Mickey comprehends, the speed of doing his homework changed from an entire day into 2 hours, with most of the time the questions correctly answered.

“’If you take a hit and your arm’s bleeding, which system in your body rushes to patch up the hole?’ The circulatory system.”

“’You got a new batch of goods, and you see the demand go up. If you usually move 50 units at $20 each, but now you can push 70 units at the same price, what’s the total revenue now?’ $1400.”

“If you're 'running' from the police, how do you say, 'we run' in Spanish?”

"Nosotros corremos"

Times passes quickly as Mickey completes his homework. After doing so, Y/N is wondering what kind of grade he gets. And it turns out he managed to get a…

“B+!”

Mickey looks surprised. “In total?”

“Yeah.” Y/N looks happy for his classmate. “You did great. Now you have to rely on regular questions, or you have to use your fantasy to turn it in something fun.”

“Do the second one.” Mickey answers. “To be honest, I’m surprised school can help me in my future.”

“The future full of crime.”

“Yep, and I give all the credit to you, not those assholes.” Mickey refers to the teachers without shame.

Y/N smirks. “They really are assholes. They black mailed me to tutor you, y’know?”

“They did?” Mickey is surprised, thinking it’s ridiculous. “Fucking bastards…” He then thought of something. “We should get revenge.”

“Whaddaya mean? You talking about a school shootin’ or somethin’?”

“No, just destroying the principal’s office. And for good sake, his car.”

Y/N thought about it, not declining the idea at first, causing Mickey to smile with glee. Feeling like he wants to bite back, the usually good student caves in. “Only after you ace your tests.”

Mickey offers a fist-Bumb, which Y/N accepts. “Deal.”

-

Y/N awaits outside of the classroom, wanting to see Mickey after finishing his last test. As Y/N daydream off, his eyes suddenly went wide awake when Mickey gets out of the classroom with a smirk on his face.

“And?”

“Not a problem.”

“Nice.” Y/N offers a high-five, which Mickey accepts.

“Now it’s for me to help your ass.” Mickey gestures his friend to follow him. They get to his locker, where Y/N sees multiple tools of destructions in the locker. “You’re backing down?”

Y/N grabs a hammer, checking it out. “Nah, they need to learn to not mess with me.”

Mickey looks proud. “Glad you’re not a pussy.”

After gathering their equipment, they get to the principal office. They see it’s empty, though locked. Using his lock-picks, Mickey opens the door, causing them to get access in the office. They look around, with Mickey looking back at his new delinquent friend.

“Want to do the first honour?”

Y/N holds the hammer tighter, with his eyes locking on the pc. With a heavy slam, the computer receives a massive hole, following up with another slam and another one. That’s when Y/N grabs what remained and throws it aside to stomp on it.

“There you go!” Mickey looks excited. He then gets to the desk, where he takes out all of the drawers to throw it away. “Let’s go wild!”

Chaos enfolds the entire room, as the two delinquents destroy the entire office. The shelves broken on the floor. All the files ruined and ripped apart. The chair being thorn into two. They even tagged the wall with a penis.

“You have a talent for making very gorgeous dicks.”

Mickey chuckles. “Naturally born talent.” He looks back at his friend. “And now we have made our territory.”

“Like a dog?”

“Yep.” Mickey hands move to his pants to unbuckle. He notices Y/N just standing. “You’re not joining?”

“I just think we should aim higher.”

“Like a shit?”

“No.” Y/N looks back at the desk. “Think anyone ever cummed on the desk?”

Mickey stops what he’s doing and looks back. “You want to fuck on the desk?”

“I don’t mean together.” Y/N clarifies himself, thinking Mickey is straight. “We could have turns jerking off.”

Mickey then just smirks. “Not the best time wise. It’s better we do it at once.”

“Huh?”

That’s when Mickey gets to Y/N to ambush him with a kiss, though surprised for a second, he quickly kisses back. The two guys quickly move to the table, where both guys begin undressing each other to take the ultimate insult.

-

“I think we’ve done enough orgies.”

“When is enough enough?” Mickey responds back.

They just stole the principle’s car and park it somewhere isolated, where Y/N and Mickey send another message from inside the car, multiple times.

Both guys are sitting in the front seat, where they chat as they’re covered in each other’s clothing.

“Well, I’m tired.”

“Of sex?”

“Yeah, l like it more dispersed.” Y/N grabs his boxers and put them on. “You’re one freaky shit to be able to have sex so many rounds.”

“Thanks.” Mickey merely responds. “There is more where that came from.”

Y/N hums. He grabs his t-shirt to put it on. As he does, he looks back at the guy next to him. “You’re staying naked?”

“I’m still up for one more round.”

“You really are a degenerate.” Y/N chuckles. “Well, the longer we stay here, the quicker the principle notices his car gone missing and the cops to find us.”

Mickey hums and think about it. “Right, I can’t really afford that.” That’s when he starts dressing up too.

“We can always do it another time.”

Mickey looks back to see a smirking man, giving him a smirk back. “I like the sound of that.”

-

“Got a B for math.” Mickey announces when Y/N walked in his house.

“Nice going.” Y/N looks proud. “And nice for me for being such a good and perfect teacher.”

“I wanna make a remark but consider the rest of my grades are all great, I let it pass.” Mickey goes to the fridge to grab a beer for him and Y/N. “Did you hear about principle shitface?”

Y/N smirks. “What about him?”

Mickey goes back to Y/N to hand over a beer. “Wasn’t too fond to discover cum on his desk, as well in his car.”

“Nice.” Y/N laughs. He put up his beer. “Fuck the principle!”

“Fuck the principle!”

Mickey and Y/N both cheer, celebrating their victorious, whether it’s from Mickey getting good grades, or Y/N standing up for himself, or their new find friendship that will turn into something more.

[blommp717]

ever felt like your life is never gonna change no matter how much you learned about LOA and then ND? 😞 trying, not trying, experimenting, being, all for nothing over the past 4 years. i feel so demoralized..

Well I was gonna go to sleep but this really reminded me of myself and I wish I had someone to tell me what I’m going to tell you now.

Yes, multiple times, and that’s actually the reason I kept it going. With what I learned I knew I was incapable of loving a “normal” life. I’m unable to look at my world and see it as how I saw it before and I’m actually glad, even when I was struggling, even when I felt terrible, I would rather know that in the end it’s all me and there’s nothing truly to worry about.

I actually know exactly what you feel. I felt (being fully honest here) complete misery, deep pit in my stomach, it become so overwhelming I actually saw no point in being alive. I had become so deeply engulfed in the stories that only I was confirming, that only I was repeating, that no amount of care or love I was shown or laughter I felt would end up being enough. And all for what? People, I was triggered, I needed validation, I needed reassurance, but most importantly I needed what I wanted. A desire turned into something so serious that any opposition would completely set me off rail and leave me in a drained state for days and weeks.

It all accumulated to one big moment where finally, there was, no contact, and this is what truly helped me. I dropped the affirming nonstop day in day out to see a change, I focused on myself, but more importantly, understanding it all FOR ME, not for a desire or someone else. I made a promise that I would never allow anyone or anything make me feel that way in my life again and I kept that promise.

Now LOAssumption, or in more specifically , the way it was being taught was an enormous reason as to why I felt like I was in a loop, it felt limited, like I couldn’t break the loop of trying. And non-dualism was realizing that this entire “journey” was a big hollow play. Don’t get me wrong, your worries don’t suddenly vanish, you don’t stop feeling “negative” emotions forever and instantly, but now you have the information to truly realize why there is and never was anything to worry about.

If you TRULY take the information on my page and understand it, I promise you, you’d KNOW there was no reason to fear your past, fear failure, or be afraid of “what if it doesn’t happen”. Please my friends I say this with suuuuccchhhh importance, if I could do it, so can you, and it isn’t a long journey, or lonely hard path to push your way through

Because the finish line is right here

I’m not going to go into explaining what NonDualism is from the top all over again because I think I have plenty of posts you can read about it, but don’t just read, understand, and MOST IMPORTANTLY

Do it on your own, stop constantly consuming

[shineonyoucrazyyandere]

One thing I love to day dream about is the yandere and their darling doing beauty treatment 💕 In my case it's Kakyoin. He is definitely the type of boy really care about beauty stuff like having a skincare routine or doing his hair in perfect curve shape. He is expert in this field although he is a boy (completely opposite me, I don't know how to do it although I'm a girl 😭)

I'm sure he will this advantages to be touchy with darling. Here, let he help you putting on the face mask. This nail color is suit you, let he pain it for you. You need help with your hairstyle, don't worry, he is a pro.

I believe he use lip balm cherry flavor too. And when darling joking ask him does it taste good, he will immediately kiss them and pretend nothing wrong with that action "What, you ask about how it taste so I just let you taste it."

Kakyoin is certainly the most thorough when it comes to beauty/haircare/skincare. Of course if he’s going to find a way to slip you into doing something with him no matter how small. Just the slightest extra amount of time alone with the redhead has him thrilled. Why don’t you try a little face mask? They’re not difficult to deal with in the slightest.

He’ll fixate on anything you seem to fancy yourself towards, that’s his primary objective firstly. Just your hair? Perfect, let him brush/comb, or even trim/cut it (it doesn’t make a difference how short or how long it is) He’ll even manage to get you a nice scent of shampoo/conditioner to use. It just happens to be something that he loves on you fragrance wise, but he keeps this to himself.

No make up or a make up every day kind of person doesn’t matter to Kakyoin, he always seems to come up with something to keep you around him longer. Little things that any person should keep up with. Helping with lotion to keep skin from drying out (or sunscreen). The way he does anything with you feels rather nice, gentle even. His heart is practically drumming out of his chest every time he touches you. Yet there’s a firm, focused face, seemingly concentrated on your form no matter the area.

Every little thing Kakyoin does well from painting nails to even simply massaging your scalp, he has the slightest hope to keep coming you coming back. If not he’ll keep coaxing you back, and making the experience pleasant as possible. Let’s not mention if things go south and you run off, that he wouldn’t eventually tie you down acting like nothing happened before proceeding with your usual routine. Even fawning over you right there as if he isn’t terrifying you right there and then.

Somehow he might figure out your favorite color of nail polish, he gets real particular with anything you do to take care of yourself honestly. (He won’t forget a single step no matter how complex either)

As for his own routine of going a little more into things most men don’t usually incline themselves to. He sees it as a good thing to go the extra effort of grooming to keep a presentable appearance. Honestly he didn’t care about any outside opinions on how he takes care of himself anyway, the insults slide right off of him. He won’t judge you either for not really wearing make up (why would he? That would be ridiculous)

If anyone trashes your appearance however, he’s going to make sure they’re taken care of personally with hierophant green.

Now if you compliment him that’s a completely different story, he’s ecstatic. Practically sealing your fate, as he’ll coast off your cute compliments for years to come.

+ Bonus

When out shopping, he doesn’t really mind. He’d likely be the first to volunteer (practically no one else is able with how quick Kakyoin is). Offers to buy something nice to try if you hadn’t done it before, (or just need more).

[kestisvrse]

i just read your harry osborn fic and let me tell you it’s so cute and beautiful!! i was wondering if you can do a fic of him where he breaks the table? and how the reader helps calm him down? thank you sm!! 🫶

my first request??? i’ve made it???

but anyways of course i can thank u sm for requesting 🥹 sorry it’s bad and took so long <3

heart to heart

pairing ⋆ harry osborn (ps5) x gn!superhero!reader. angst.

synopsis ⋆ something isn’t right with harry, and while you can’t fix him you can certainly calm him down.

warnings ⋆ spiderman 2 spoilers, swearing | wc: 782

peter called you in a panic, demanding you get to his house as fast as possible.

“what’s going on? pete?” you asked, you were on a rooftop in the city when he had called you.

“i can’t explain right now please, just get there. it’s harry.” his voice cracked, and hearing harry’s name woke you up.

“be there soon.” you said hanging up.

despite thinking you would get there first, as you reached to open the front door to aunt mays home, peter swung in landing right next to you. he gave you a nod of acknowledgment and slammed open the door, you took it as a queue to run in behind him.

“MJ! where’s-“ peter yells out as u both run to the dining room, “harry..” he says as you spot harry and mj sitting down having coffee together, mj’s brows furrowed, her body tense.

“oh hey guys.” harry says nonchalantly, “you look tense, coffee?” he says as a black tentacle reaches out of his arm to refill mj’s cup, she looks terrified as you feel your hand heat up. harry smirks at you.

“we need to talk.” peter said, harry retracts the tentacle.

“you two must get so tired making the world a better place, every. single day.” harry sighs, standing up, “but i can help.”

“harry. please let us help you first.” he looked over his shoulder narrowing his eyes at you, a chill ran up your spine.

“this isn’t you” mj cuts in

“wrong.” he glares at her

“harry…please” you pleaded, he looks at you, his expression softening, but disappears in seconds causing your hand to ignite in flames.

“this is the real me.” harry remarked, jaw clenching he walks over behind mj, “i finally have the power to realise our vision, are you giving up on me?”

you tense as he puts his hand on mj’s back while staring directly towards you, mj catches your eye too as she flinches from the touch.

“harry. we need to get that thing off you-“ peter states but is cut off, as harry smashs the table.

“do not. call us. a thing.” harry demands, black tentacles covering his arms.

“oh my god.” you mutter, “what… what if we take it off to make it more powerful harry? don’t you want that?” you say trying to trick him.

“we. are not harry.” he says, tears slip out of your eyes onto your cheeks.

“please listen to me, my voice.” your voice cracks as you plead, recalling the night peter had been infected and the only person to calm harry’s anger was you, why didn’t it work now? your hand was no longer burning, as you focused on harry, “can we please figure out your… power,” you chose your words carefully, “so we- we can fix the world properly.”

the tentacles slowly retracted, as harry looked into your wide eyes.

“-having power like this is to help people yes, but we can hurt peop-“ his jaw clenched at your choice of words, “accidentally! we can hurt people accidentally no matter how good our powers are! we need to figure out yours s-so that doesn’t happen, you only want to help people right?” you stepped closer to him until your hand was over his heart.

he nods at your words, “okay- fuck. fine okay.” harry says, snapping out of a trance he seemed to have been in, peter and mj share a worried look, “we can figure out h-how we got like this.” he seemed to be choosing his words carefully too to not upset the alien on him, you winced at the use of ‘we’

“okay… okay good.” you swallowed as your throat had to began to feel dry, “-this happened to me too okay? when i got my powers, i know you weren’t there but i-i had to get tests too.” you lied to him, but he didn’t seem to pick up on it like he usually could, he brought his hand up to squeeze the one you had over his heart.

he smiles at you as if he hadn’t smashed a table and didn’t have mj and peter holding hands in fear, “lets go to the labs. i want to get this over and done with as soon as possible.” there was a grumble added to his voice as he spoke, you could have started sobbing right then and there at the sight of black veins protruding on his neck. you turned to nod to peter and mj as you exit the house, peter gave you a sad expression.

you were able to stall him being fully taken over by that thing, but you didn’t think it would last long.