#it is so clear to see that my blog was sad and boring before i discovered 911 in late 2021 lol

[onward--upward]

I posted 3,507 times in 2022

That's 3,296 more posts than 2021!

340 posts created (10%)

3,167 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@lucydonato

@hattalove

@princessfbi

@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

@kitkatpancakestack

I tagged 3,158 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#911 fox - 1,842 posts

#911 spoilers - 363 posts

#q’s queue - 291 posts

#911 spoilers  - 176 posts

#hockey tag - 153 posts

#roswell nm - 112 posts

#sr - 52 posts

#hockey au - 43 posts

#scream - 39 posts

#scheduled - 38 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#he’s gonna tell taylor about lucy and she’s gonna kick him out of the loft and he’s gonna go to eddies only for eddie to have his breakdown

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

steppin' into fate

chapter 1/?

Buck/Eddie, rated M // read on ao3

“What the hell is this?” Evan Buckley storms into the office without knocking, tossing his phone onto the desk.

“The LA Kings have signed forward Eddie Diaz (@EDiaz82) to a five year contract” it reads. Buck doesn’t need to see it to know. He’s stared at it long enough already. There’s a graphic of Eddie Diaz and his stupidly pretty face beneath it, in his old Dallas Stars green and white, mouth open as he skates the puck up the ice. He’d looked at the replies, all of the “omg”s and heart-eyes emojis and 280-character amateur analysis of Diaz’s skills. He’d scrolled until he’d hit the inevitable “so when are we trading buckley?” tweets, and then he’d stormed into Bobby’s office without thinking about it twice.

“Management got you a centreman,” Bobby says, perfectly calm. “I thought you would be happy.”

“Well, I’m not,” Buck says. “I don’t need a center. And even if I did, I don’t need Eddie Diaz."

or, the 9-1-1 hockey AU

read chapter 1 on ao3

129 notes - Posted April 13, 2022

#4

RAVI!!!

132 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#3

i think one of my favourite things about wolfgang is that despite being very quiet (and almost pensive in the rare times we see him unguarded) he seems most drawn to loud, colourful, passionate people. felix, kala, lito — they’re all such vibrant personalities. it’s like he gravitates towards them. i love it so much

236 notes - Posted November 13, 2022

#2

this is worth forever to me

Buck/Eddie, 1.7k, rated Gen

“Oh, right,” Buck nods, punching in the digits on autopilot. “Thanks.”

“God,” Eddie mutters, “it’s like I’m your husband.” And Buck’s entire being freezes, for just a moment. The machine beeps at him, and all he can do is stare blankly at it for a moment before flushing and yanking his card out. “Or – wife?” Eddie muses. Buck isn’t even looking at him, but he knows exactly what face he makes. “No, I’m gonna go with husband.”

The cashier is watching them like they’re a particularly riveting television show. All Buck can think to say is, “You’re not hot enough to be my husband.” Lie. The biggest lie in the world.

read on ao3

fun fact: this one-shot is based on a real-life interaction i once witnessed as a cashier! shoutout to those guys, hope they're doing well, wherever they are.

351 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

stop i love them so much

353 notes - Posted August 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello! How have you been lately? I hope you sleep well and eat tasty food!

I wanted to participate in your new blog event. I want to see interaction between ~deadbeat dad~ Crowley and our dear uncles, ghosts from Ramshackle dorm. You can decide which topic they will be talking about, I just wanna see ghosts more in twst fandom. They're so rare to see and it upsets me(ू˃̣̣̣̣̣̣︿˂̣̣̣̣̣̣ ू) give more application to our ghosts! 👻👻👻

(I hope I wrote this right how it supposed to be wrote in this event. Sorry for grammar errors)

... I was going to include the Ramshackle Ghosts in the banner, but couldn't find any chibi sprites of them that were high res enough to use. That's it, that's my commentary 🙂

Family means Nobody is Left Behind or Forgotten.

Ramshackle was a marked improvement from its sorry state in the autumn. The cobwebs, dust, and mildew had been cleared away, as if done by the hand of a benevolent fairy godmother. Rotting wood had been replaced with fresh panels, and the walls were coated with a glossy new color. The paintings and furniture had either been restored or replaced, antiques polished and set back up on display.

It's almost like Ramshackle before its ruin, Crowley noted, shutting the door behind him.

He strutted a few paces in, his cane clacking sharply against the floorboards. Crowley cleared his throat, the sound echoing in the foyer, then called out. "Ghosts?"

A reply came at once, accompanied by a cool sensation spiderwalking down Crowley's spine. This, he knew, was the telltale sign of a supernatural being's arrival.

Three pale bodies materialized before him. One tall and scrawny, the second small and compact, and the third wide and squat. Each ghost--A, B, and C--wore a top hat and a cloak.

"Mweeheehee... You rang, headmaster?"

"Aaah, there's my lovely Ramshackle trio!!" Crowley cooed, spreading his arms out with a flourish. "Good afternoon! I hope you're doing well."

"As well as we can be in the afterlife," Ghost A cackled.

"We weren't expecting visitors," C remarked.

"What brings ya here?" B floated around Crowley in a circle. "Rare for you to drop on by for a casual visit."

"Ah, that." He thoughtfully stroked at his chin. "Today is Family Day at Night Raven College and--well--I figure that you three upstanding gentlemen count as the guardians of our dear Prefect and Grim-kun. You live under the same roof, share household responsibilities, and have a deep bond. You may not be related by blood, but this arrangement could classify as a 'found family'. That would make you eligible to sit in at parent-teacher conferences."

"Oooh, are we being invited to the event?" Ghost A asked excitedly. "I was popular with the ladies back in my day, but I didn’t have the chance to do something like this. Never did manage settle down..."

"Can we really be where the people are?" B chimed in. "It's been a while since we got to stretch our ectoplasm. When was the last time? Halloween, was it?"

"But all those meetings sound like a bore," complained C. "You sure we can't just scare the daylights out of the parents and siblings instead?"

"There will be NO scaring the daylights out of anyone!" Crowley stopped himself and smoothed down his feathers. "As you can imagine, I'm a very busy man and I haven't got all day! Please make your decisions now."

The Ramshackle Ghosts glanced at one another. Murmurs passed between them.

"Well... They don't have anyone else but us, do they? Because Yuu-kun is from another world and Grimmy doesn't remember where he came from."

"They've always been there for us when we needed them the most. We've had so much fun together too. Keeping us company, playing magift, celebrating Halloween and the winter holidays..."

"It'd be sad if they were the only ones left out of Family Day. No one likes being excluded from the festivities."

Silence. Then mutual understanding lit up their eyes. The answer was staring at them right in the face this entire time.

"We'll do it!!" the ghosts cried in unison.

Crowley's lips curved upward. "A most excellent choice. Yuu-kun and Grim-kun are so very fortunate to have a family as loving as this."

[whomstress]

Keeping the Skies Clear

One shot of Ragatha and Jax! @estro-gem Thank you for finally pushing me over the edge with your amazing fics! to finally start writing for my current hyperfixation. (I was the fan anon this is just my side blog)

Anyway, this about year before the pilot. Zooble's the new kid in town and pushes a dumb bunny just trying to do his "job" keeping a close eye over a devastated Ragatha at another lost friend. I would say poke the bear and find out but Zooble's tough as nails, they can handle anything thrown at them.

Ragatha was the nicest and most stable of them. When Zooble first came, Ragatha was the one to calm her down, as she often did for everyone who allowed it. And, despite how many times it happened, she was always so sad when another one of them abstracted. She was here the longest next to Kinger, yet she was still the most sane one here.

Zooble would like to be in the same mood that Ragatha was always in, but they also knew that behind closed doors she was one of them who was struggling the most. She cared too much about other people before herself. She found this out after Zooble saw their first abstraction. They couldn’t sleep that night, so they wandered the circus until they finally decided to head back to their room in the middle of the night, thinking everyone was asleep by now.

Only when they crossed by Ragatha’s room and heard muffled, sorrowful sobs dulled by a pillow did they figure out the truth. Zooble was never the first person to comfort someone; in fact, they hated being a shoulder to lean on, considering Ragatha had been by their side since they first got there. They felt a kind of guilt for not returning the favor.

As they were about to knock on the door, a gloved hand caught theirs. They nearly jumped in shock, only to realize it was Jax, and the shock was replaced with a glare. “What the-” They said before he gave a hushed “Shut it!” He pointed to the door with his thumb, obviously telling them to be quiet, or Ragatha would hear.

Zooble once again looked at him in shock before he grabbed them by the elbow away from the door a little before Zooble yanked away. “What the @#!$ Jax?” Zooble said, annoyed, but still made sure to keep their voice to a lower volume. His smile seemed to widen at their annoyance.

Even after two months, they still didn’t really care to get to know anyone beyond surface-level things, except Ragatha, who did her best to keep the unwilling newcomer company. Jax was only what they saw on the outside. A mythic A-hole.

So without beating around the bush, they cut to the chase and asked, “Why do you even care?”

His face drops for a nanosecond before he switches back to his regular yellow grin, looking bored at where his finger nails would be. “I actually don’t, for your information.”

Zooble scoffed, rolling their eyes. "It doesn't seem like it. You’re the one stalking her door in the middle of the night to stop anyone from seeing if she’s okay, Jeez. I knew you were a sadist prick picking on the only person who no doubt deserves to be here all the time, but I didn’t think you actually hated her.”

A loud thump on the floor snapped their vision back to the rabbit man. His slightly tinted purple face suddenly filled with a darker purple angry flush, and the rabbit ears that shot up past his hair pulled back. His smile finally turned downward as they glowered over Zooble. “You’ve been here, what? A month, and you think you know me? Get real, @#$%@.” He pointed a gloved hand in their faces.

Despite the slight surprise of seeing him for the first time, seeing him actually pissed off Zooble’s face remained in a glare that matched his slapping his hand out of their face. “You have all of two seconds to get out of my face, or you’ll wish you were the one to go today. Maybe everyone else puts up with your #&^$ but not me %#&*!^.”

He scoffs and backs off, making his face go back into a neutral expression. “*@ off, the only reason I’m not making your life more of a hell than this place is so you don’t wake up. Raggedy dumb@$%.”

Wake up? Zooble only just noticed the sobbing had stopped, replaced with an oddly louder snore. “She’s been crying for like two hours; she thought she’d never stop.” He said it once again, looking bored, but as he listened to her snore a bit more, they could see he was visibly almost completely back to his normal relaxed and annoying nature.

“Why?” They asked.

They knew Jax didn’t need a clarifier but asked, playing dumb anyway. “Why what, Crabby?”

Zooble once again cut straight through his bullshit, “Why do you care? Really.”

He scoffed and placed his hands in his dumb, cartoonish overall pockets. “I told you I don’t.” He looked at Zooble's deadpan face and knew they wouldn’t drop it until they got an answer. He almost told her to buzz off again before they threatened to ask the whole circus if he wasn’t going to give them an answer. “Freaking nark”.

“Fine.” He rolled his eyes until they went almost to the back of his head. “If I tell you, you can’t say jack. If Rags finds out, this will all be for nothing, got it?” Zooble stayed silent but nodded.

“When she gets this way, if anyone says a word to her, she’ll get even more depressed for, like, a week.”

“Why?”

“Some dumb need to never ‘upset’ anyone. The one thing she hates more than anything is thinking she hurt someone. Which is dumb as hell. I get she has this bleeding heart or whatever, but the woman needs to seriously bite the bullet and be an @#$hole one of these days.”

He continued after a moment of silence, “When she’s all depressed, everything and everyone feels like shit. I hate to admit it, but she kind of makes this place bearable for everyone. like the sun through the clouds or whatever that dumb poet said. Anyway, this place gets dark as shit at that point. And doing funny things to people when they have a reaction of a brick wall is boring as hell. Messing with people is the only thing that keeps me from going insane in this place. That’s why.”

Zooble stays quiet for a moment, like they're processing everything he said before they nod, brushing their pink hair out of their face. “Makes sense. Kinda.”

He rolls his eyes again, not caring whether they approve of his reasons or not. Until they broke the silence again, “Like the sun through the clouds, huh?”

His head snaps to theirs, and they let out an amused exhale through their nose before speaking again before he can retort. “Don’t worry, Romeo; the secret's safe with me.” They laughed as they walked away.

He actually almost strangled them at that moment, but was interrupted by a particularly loud, pig-like snort/snore from across the hall, and he rolled his eyes, smirking a bit. Before catching himself and pitching the bridge between his nose trying to stop the oncoming headache. Whatever she’s asleep, she’ll be back to her cheery facade in the morning. He’d done his personal job of keeping the sanity in this place level.

His personal job of keeping the sun out of the clouds.

[theerurishipper]

Can I ask you something do you have a degree in psychology or something this isn't meant to be read as an insult by the way I mean it genuinely because your the blog I follow most when it comes to your Miraculous Ladybug Analyses post and every single time you be popping out with bangers like you must be really be intelligent to understand Adrien character and the show and because of you you cleared my doubts on my issues with the show.

You made Adrien character so much more enjoyable in your analyses of him before I took him as one-note and boring because this was a kids show but you really made it much deeper than whatever the writers could ever do with him.

I never liked Marinette but not for the stalking or whatever because it didn't really matter because I took it as a playful thing in the show but her treatment towards her partner and I am glad you acknowledged Marinette has empathy issues because she focuses so inward towards herself and not on other for example she treated instances like ( Making Juleka not invite her brother to the party) or ( Trying to take advantage of Adrien being sad at the benchpark) and I absolutely disliked it whenever Luka came on the show because I feel like her relationship with him give me the icks because I count it as emotionally cheating.

It was things little things that bothered me.

I initially hesitated to critique her, but as time went on, I found myself increasingly frustrated with the constant stream of excuses—whether it be exhaustion, trauma, or sympathy for her panic attacks in the Season 4 finale. It wasn't out of malice, but rather a growing sense of indifference towards her.

What funny to me is why I feel more connected to Chloe and Adrien than to Marinette. It's not solely because they got shafted, though that's certainly a part of it. Their backgrounds and how they handle their traumas are remarkably well-portrayed in the show. Even Lila, despite the general disdain from the fanbase, elicits more of a reaction for me, be it positive or negative.

Marinette always triumphs and conquers every obstacle. I hate to say it, but she just doesn't make for a good love interest. Isn't this a blatant violation of Shoujo rules 101? Kagami seems more suited for this role—bold and intriguing. Shouldn't the main character stand out from the other girls in class? I hoped to see Marinette unveil Adrien's true self as they grew closer, but it consistently feels like the group's interventions are pushing them together, overshadowing any natural progression. Her constant anxiety around him is neither enjoyable nor amusing.

Despite being the golden child who can do no wrong, Marinette has turned into a controlling figure in Adrien's life. I'm baffled as to why people still cheer for her. She's become a hero with a corrupted sense of influence over Adrien. It's challenging to understand the fervent support for a protagonist who lacks the depth and complexity that make a character truly engaging. What's the fun in rooting for a hero when the challenges are mediocre, and victories come effortlessly?

I'm glad you like my analyses! I'm not a psychologist or anything like that, I just like characters from cartoons way too much.

And your experience with Marinette is exactly mine. I loved her at first, but then the writing started to have her do questionable things and then justify her, and I started to like her less. Like you, I don't hate her, but my feelings towards her are indifference and apathy. And the narrative doesn't let her make mistakes. When she does make some grave mistake, it's usually someone else's fault, or the person who was affected by it takes the blame for it. Her conflicts get resolved for her and she never has to do anything to grow or change. Marinette is in this weird dichotomy of never getting a proper win and always losing, but also getting everything handed to her, and it really fails to get me to connect with her like I did in Seasons 1-3. I still love Marinette, but that only really extends to her in Seasons 1-3. Anything about her character past that just makes me feel indifferent and apathetic.

All this to say that you're completely right, anon. Thank you for your ask!

[thecoolerliauditore]

Ngl, I hated pirates smp, it felt so rigid and boring, but even though im a bit wary, i m excited for rats 2. Rats 1 had this cozy and creative vibe, and such a fun setting, and i feel that type of smps is what pow is good at. We got so many fun moments, fun builds, and the lore was well used and while it was scripted, it was often carried by the players and didn´t feel as suffocating. The rats setting REALLY worked in its favour. Pirates on the other hand... Idk everything just felt so forced. There were some ccs that made it far better by focusing in interactions versus the plot (I remember Oli´s streams were a blast), or doing some very cool side projects (Martyn´s newspaper or Ros´ crazy castle for example. gosh i do hope Ros is in rats 2, she was the mvp of pirates), but the necessity for a story really pushed all of that stuff (the kind of stuff that made rats great) into the background, and I say that as someone who actually really likes lore, and doesn´t usually mind when it´s scripted. I also feel like dividing the players into factions really backfired, bc it killed the vibe of community rats had. The npcs were BORING. Finally, i m sorry, as a certified fan of stories featuring pirates, the set wasn´t being used correctly, there s so many cool ways of using that prompt and they just didn´t know how. Idk, I just hope rats 2 doesn´t follow that same pattern of thinking lore is everything that makes an smp good, when it´s only one of several (and not precisely the most important), and brings back the vibes. I am actually hopeful and excited, but we can only wait and see

At some point I need to join tumblr staff just to implement a feature where I can outsource asks to that megabuild guy specifically before I have to admit I actively dislike empires, rats and pirates. Good news about Ros though!

I think most ppl posting about rats 2 rn are in a similar boat in that they enjoyed rats 1 and feel uneasy about the second season cus of the nothingburger with a side of straight man represented as such that was pirates as well as POW being POW.

me being a hater (like. actually) below

I don't like posting about pirates because it breaks my blog rule for myself to not post about anything I full-on dislike and have no love for whatsoever but it really is kind of fascinating how they managed to mess up pretty much everything. the m in this smp stands for mid. You're so right about the pirates setting thing I could swear by like. the second day half the cast had completely forgotten they were supposed to be pirates (partially to blame I think is the fact that they really didn't have anything pirate-y to do).

Their conception of pirates seems to be more akin to a kids halloween costume than historical fantasy. I will always find it funny how scott once again sets up a character with very clear thematic relevance (classism and parental abuse, in this case) and didn't do anything with it and instead kept talking about his brother and expecting me to feel bad for him or whatever. I'm not surprised at all considering Scott has shown in the past he can't differentiate plot and themes it's just that a pirate story without the societal commentary or the moral greyness may as well be about any other group of motherfuckers on a boat. cruise ship smp. Fucking that squid was the most interesting thing Scott's character did and it wasn't even ""canon"".

I also watched a handful of Martyn's streams at the time and the newspaper thing was actually pretty cool but I also kinda?? felt bad for him?? He spends ages online talking to no one. There was this one stream where he spent the entire time doing parkour courses and trying to find where an npc disappeared to. I'm not saying that he was actively excluded or whatever it just felt really sad to watch him pretty much wander aimlessly for hours and discuss c!martyn headcanons with chat with no actual plot to go with those headcanons. I can't even say no one gaf about his oc cus people DID give a fuck about pirate martyn only for him to have nothing to do in the smp except be pansexual and lie. His vendetta against the urchin thing was funny but the start of it was during an event where there were way too many people in the same place all trying to make the loudest funniest quip and it felt like a mess to watch.

I think it's hilarious that scarian tops the ao3 tag for pirates considering grian isn't in it but also like. I kind of get it when Scar's character had the most sense of intrigue and actual pirate vibes to him (despite him only playing for like 2 streams LMAO). That plus the fact that the rest of the cast minus the two who were involved in horrors at the time had a fucking surburban hell homeowner association style list of lawn care expectations on what you could do with them in your fanart/fic like wtf else are people supposed to write about.

And that's not even getting into like. why this sucked in the first place i.e. like you mentioned the weird chatbot NPCs, the weird faction system that discouraged interaction, the "canon" and "non-canon" streams etc I don't really care about any of the other CCs involved if I'm totally honest (I don't count Cleo cus she didn't really. Do anything. May as well have not been on there) so I can't comment further but. yeah

Also this is very petty of me but the skins are sooooo ugly. Gone is the fun in each skin reflecting the players specific personality and taste aesthetics and all. Idk how they managed to make minecraft skins feel like they have same face syndrome but they did it. We're gonna take the thing that gives the players their own self-expression and usually makes your first impression of the character as the viewer and drench it all in sweet and sour sauce and an instagram filter until you can barely tell who's supposed to be who. At least they were smart enough to keep their hands off of Scar's smirk I would've rioted.

[noforkingclue]

Come With Me (Erik Lehnsherr x reader)

Summary: You recently left the mansion in hopes for having an ordinary life. Turns out the Erik has something to say about that.

Author’s Note: So I recently re-watched X-Men First Class and Days of Future Past and this old hyperfixation of mine has re-emerged. Only difference now is that I have this blog to write stuff with!

I might a Professor X fic in the works as well before I also love James McAvoy

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites, @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee

You had always longed for a peaceful life. One when you didn’t have too many stresses and you had the comfort and support of your friends and family. That was one of the main reasons why you had left. Of course Charles was sad to see you go but he wouldn’t do anything to make you stay. You had gone back to the shadows, to your original boring but stress free life.

You should’ve known it was too good to last.

Really, you should’ve expected this to come at one point. Metal curled around your wrists and pinned you against the wall. Your scream was muffled as another piece of metal snaked its way across your mouth. You glared as Erik came into view. When you tried to struggled the grip on your wrists tightened and you whimpered in pain.

“You should be able to break free,” Erik was now in front of you, “Use your powers.”

You glared up at him. It was clear from the amused expression on his face that Erik knew you were out of practice. You hadn’t used your powers in ages so you doubted you would be able to break free. He ran a finger down your cheek and said,

“Are you going to scream?”

You narrowed your eyes and weighed up your options. It wouldn’t do you any good to piss off Erik too much so reluctantly you shook your head. You let out a sigh of relief as the metal was removed from your mouth. However, that didn’t last long as it rested itself across your shoulders. A reminder for you to behave yourself.

Charles was one of your closest friends. He always made you feel warm and safe. You knew that you could return to the mansion at any time and he’d welcome you back with open arms. Erik though, Erik was completely different. Erik made you feel alive. You shuddered as you could feel Erik’s breath ghost over your cheek. You could feel yourself get hot as the suddenly became acutely aware of that your hands were still pinned by the side of your head.

“You left.” He said

“No shit.”

Erik gently cupped your cheek as he forced you to look up at him. You swallowed thickly as he brushed your cheek with his thumb.

“Why?” he asked

“Didn’t know I had to have one.”

“When it comes to Charles he likes to have one.”

“Maybe I got sick of the fighting,” you snapped, “Maybe I just want to have an ordinary life.”

“Humans will never let us have an ordinary life. Do you think they’ll treat you the same if they find out what you are?”

“Yes.”

“You have too much faith in them.”

“You have too little.”

“You’re starting to sound like Charles.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“It is if your foolishness get you killed.”

“I won’t get killed.”

“Then free yourself.”

Your glared returned and Erik gripped your chin tightly. He forced you to maintain eye contact with him and you tried to remember Charles’s lessons. Old memories from your time in the mansion came back to you, ones that you hadn’t thought about in ages. Reading with Charles, training with Raven, spending time with the lab with Hank.

Walking around the gardens with Erik.

Erik trying to teach you how to play chess.

Staying up late with Erik just talking and forgetting the time.

Erik teasing you as he helped you control your powers.

His lips brushing against yours before you panicked and phased through a wall.

You blinked at the last memory. Erik was still waiting for you to use your powers and you said,

“You know I could just call Charles. I’m sure he’d hear my thoughts even at this distance.”

“If you wanted to do that you would’ve done so already.”

“Why are you here Erik?”

“Because you left Charles.”

“And you think I’ll join your side? I want no part in any of this.”

“And I’m sure I can persuade you otherwise.”

[tumblebagel]

I'm not sure how to make this post, because I know that Valerie is very much active on this site and very well may see it.

So, uh, hi. If you're reading this, I want you to know that you're an amazing person. Genuinely a big inspiration in my life. I'm going to express a bit of disappointment and sadness in this post, but I want to make it explicitly clear: I am not disappointed with you. This isn't your fault, and I need to make sure you know that. In all fairness, I DO know you know that. I read the confession. I just want to make sure that you REALLY know. Progressing a story that's hurting you more than its inspiring you is not worth it. Nobody deserves that. Emotions are messy and complicated and I'll be over it eventually. C/K/C looks amazing, and I cannot wait to see what you do next.

With that in mind, we get to the heart of this post. An incredible comic, only 1 and 1/2 chapters long, called Goodbye to Halos.

I discovered the comic right after I discovered I was trans. Literally the first thing I did after my egg cracked was look up: "trans webcomics", and there it was. Safe to say I didn't know that I was getting into SO much more.

I was instantly hooked by the worldbuilding. Even before it started to branch out, the visual contrast between skyport and lionsbridge was so striking. And as a developing artist, I got to see firsthand things I didn't know were possible to do with color. It was about at the time that I got to the "Why can't love just be a matter of fact?" page that I understood I was truly reading something special.

While reading I discovered parts of myself that I didn't know were there, like the often repeated philosophy that refusing to care about people is, in the words of the comic, "just so boring". The complexities of gender expression. Body positivity and the concept of non-sexual nudity.

I binge read the entire comic up to until Fenic waking up under the dragonfly. From that point I was glued to the page every day, constantly checking for updates.

The future of the comic has changed a number of times since that point. Including art style changes, hiatuses, video entries, and reboots. Until yesterday, the last I had heard was that the world of GtH would continue in a reboot-esque way with Unsave the World, a story developed in the same engine as C/K/C, focusing on Clarissa and Selin.

As, anyone interested in my blog will note, I am very new to Tumblr. Only joined recently. Yesterday, I had the idea to seek out Goodbye to Halos content, and Valerie Halla, which is where I got the confirmation that lead to this post.

"[Goodbye to Halos] was a hiatus when it went on hiatus. it took me a long, long time to come to terms with saying that it’s probably not just a hiatus, though. i will always love that story and those characters, and their spirits will live on in what’s to come, just like portside stories before it."

I... slept on it. I was distressed at the time. Honestly, I think writing this right now is still me working through it. Like I said before, emotions are messy.

But. That's it. Part of me is fixated on the word "probably", but the rest of me understands that thinking like that is only going to hurt my views on it over time. Not worth it to poison the past.

I've spent the time between that and now thinking, as much as it seems I've only done sulking that whole time. And from my thinking, I've come to a decision. I've figured out how to come to my own "don't be sad because it ended, be happy because it happened":

I'm going to make

So Much

FUCKING FANART

You're not gonna believe it. If I feel inspired by this story, and my brain's not satisfied with how the characters/worldbuilding/themes have been explored, I'm gonna do what everybody's done before me since renaissance painters after reading the Bible.

I'm going to make a frankly ridiculous amount of unofficial fan content, and when my brain finally burns out, I'll be over it and I can finally move on.

Look out Tumblr, I'm about to start chopping onions

[misplacedmidlanders]

Saturday, 25th May 2024. Auckland.

Well, we're finally here: back in Auckland where it all started and where it's all now ending. Whilst I'm excited to see the family cat again and sleep on an actual bed, but it will be very strange and even a little sad to leave New Zealand behind after almost a month here. In case the blog didn't make this abundantly clear, New Zealand is a strong recommendation for anyone who is fortunate enough to be able to visit (or anyone who is just bored and wealthy, in which case let me know and I'll send you my bank details).

We dropped off the campervan first thing this morning, put our suitcases in storage at the airport then headed straight into central Auckland so that Jake could make it in time for his Weta Workshop Unleashed tour (a different Weta tour than the one we did on the trip, but not one I fancied). We were both carrying the remainder of our food from the campervan, with Jake clutching half a bag of oats all morning and myself a cumbersome box of salad, and like an actual psychopath I had to eat this salad with my bare hands on a public bench before I could properly start my day at Auckland.

For lunch I went to my grandad's favourite restaurant, the Good Ol' Days Kitchen, and devoured some dumplings before setting off for the Auckland Art Gallery down the road which had a great collection of Māouri, modernist, surrealist and video art (I tried not to be too much of tourist by taking lots of pictures of the pictures) before heading to Albert Park for an hour to enjoy the sunshine whilst sitting firmly in the shade.

After wandering around the Viaduct Harbour (and seeing virtually nothing due to the fencing surrounding it all) I reunited with Jake for dinner at the Gorilla Kitchen, an all vegan restaurant where we could enjoy some greens before our inevitable carbohydrate-filled flight home. I had some Fire Fries and a Seize Her Salad (not a typo) whilst Jake had mushrooms and fake chicken wings, and it was the closest we've both come to something that could pass as actual chicken (I just feel bad for all the vegan chickens that are being killed instead though).

Finally, we took a trip back to the airport and now we begin our long, oh so long, journey home which will take virtually all weekend. I'll post a mini-update when we've landed, but in the meantime a huge thank you to anyone who supported our trip, read any of our blog entries (and hopefully got some enjoyment out of them) and shared the journey with us. Much love to you all ❤️ Poroporoaki.

[chattegeorgiana]

Hey I'm the sasusaku fan reading Kaika Sasei. Thank you for the answer I'm looking forward. By the way, can you link here the written version? You have so many chapters written and I wanna know more before reading the manga.

I was hoping you could pick up fan's ideas, wish you could check out inosakutema they're a great trio though. I see that you plan to stay true to Kishimoto and I can pick up on the Temari situation with Sakura in Suna. (Hope it's the clinic!!).

Speaking of the clinic I can't wait to see your version of it. Boruto leaves me wanting for some more head of medical department Sakura. It's so simplified and boring, she's your average healer only when plot needs her and it's so boring only the same jutsu. It's like she ain't the world's strongest kunoichi and its best medical ninja.

I might be a loyal sasusaku but I'm not too hostile on Karin, I think she's really useful as a sensor and her sensory is the best in the world, I don't get how people downplay them. Hopefully you can find a spot for her in Konoha as their leader of Barrier.

I was sad when you didn't give any details about Hanabi. Neji was my favorite character and the only escape to his absence I could find is Hanabi, she's the best in Boruto all things considered (the story is trash). If you follow Kishimoto writing then I can rest assured she will lead her clan like I've been waiting for them to show already.

Hi there! Welcome back! 🤗

So, I have multiple formats for the written version.

I have it pretty much everywhere: my blog in storybook format on chatte-georgiana.com

This post here has a table of contents with all of them: https://chatte-georgiana.com/2020/10/25/kaika-saisei-naruto-au-after-the-war-sakura-haruno-centric/

Then, if you want, depending on what you’re most used to I have it on:

FFnet: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/13771214/1/Kaika-Saisei (this one for some reason ruined some of the formatting and no matter what I try it won’t save the modificatiosn)

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28149138/chapters/68971716

Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/1063652674-kaika-saisei-chapter-1-every-end-is-a-new

So, depending on what you like most, pick your favorite. 😁

Now to the next part of your question, regarding fan ideas and whatnot… to be honest I try to stay as far away as possible from that because at the end of the day this is the vision I have over her development & I’m writing it based on old theories I had regarding her. Which ironically came true partially and didn’t come true at the same time. It’s like Schroedinger’s cat situation lol.

From what you’re telling me there’s plenty of that in the original series though? Like I said, I’m trying my best to stay as far away from it, although I will have a certain reference to it at some point in the story. But that’ll come when it’ll come and that’s all I’m going to say about it cuz I don’t want to spoil. 😁

Of course there might be certain similarities to original due to the fact that certain things have been discussed in the fandom prior to the ending, so what the publisher did was take those ideas and put them into the actual story, lol. It’s more than clear at this point they’re scanning the fandom for ideas. But anyway, moving in from that….

As for the writing, yeah, I’m trying to stay as close as possible to Kishimoto’s writing though. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the Sakura/Temari thing I have in mind because in a way it’s not very far from what you’re telling me, it’s just that it’s maybe a different angle, let’s say.

As for the clinic, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it purely from the angle of Sakura being highly underutilized in OG material.

Like trust me, I tried giving Boruto a chance even if I was mad at the ending. I said ok, if the writing is good then I’ll give it a chance because at the end of the day, I can appreciate something good even if it’s not my preferred taste. But sadly, the way the franchise treats her it’s just lamentable, imo.

Medical ninjutsu used to be so much fun & intricate, but OG material just stuck to its ever used green aura type of thing and that’s it.

That’s precisely why in Kaika I did my best to try and give it the respect it deserves. Ofc, I might not do it 100% okay either, but at least I’ll try my best to go past the green glow. 🤷‍♀��

As for Karin, buckle up and think if this is going to be or not an impediment to you because as I said, this is going to be SK story in the end as well, not just NS. As I’ve said, I’m a big fan of the symbolism & mirroring Kishi did with them, so I’m planning on playing that out in Kaika as well.

I can understand how that might not be someone’s cup of tea, but I’ve always been real about what this story will be in terms of pairings.

As for her & Konoha sensory, well, I have let’s say other plans. At the moment Karin is very well focused on discovering more about her Uzumaki roots. And that’s all I will say for now. 👀

As for Hanabi, sorry, must’ve escaped my mind. In Kaika she’s currently the heiress of the Hyuga and as you’ll see from the written version, there’s some subplot involving her, a treasured Hyuga secret & the complications of being the heiress & having access to such a secret and trying to mend the relationship with her sister. But anyway, read the written version and you’ll see for yourself.

And as I said, in Kaika, Neji Hyuga will be brought back to the cast. 👀

As for the details of how that’ll happen, all I can say is just to follow the story. 👀🤭

Anyway, thanks once again for your interest in Kaika. Highly appreciated! 🙏 Hope you enjoy the written version! 😊

[alexhandersenblog]

„It’s the same principle. Because liking or dislike is simply a personal interpretation of what we think and feel about something even without knowing something/someone well or personally.“

Hi the anon from a few days ago here😉. I agree☝🏻. Alex could post a thousand happy smiley kissing pics with her, could say anything in public, she could say anything and you may follow them and enjoy all of it, but you still wouldn't know what was really going on behind closed doors🤫. Every post they do is intentional and posted to make YOU double tap. Instagram is fame, money and attention. Either you like what you see and hear online or you don’t but you‘ll never know them for real. Which is why I asked if it was ok to share my OPINION and our (me&friends) predictions after a year of following everything. Simple as that.

The anon calling me a hater: Spreading hate wasn’t my intention. I’m glad you’re enjoying Johanne and Alex together. For me her pretentious act on Instagram and the things she has done like lying and trolling ruined the experience of being a fan for Alex for me personally. It made me see Alex in a different way. He was always hiding his true colors and actions from his fans and now I see why. Even before Johanne was in the picture I felt a little irritated at his boyish behavior during fan conventions. It didn’t look genuine to me but more like acting. And reading several Danish interview in the recent years about how he feels about his fans, like „I feel nothing“. But then turns around and says completely different things at conventions to his fans who pay him a shit ton of money of course 😅 Him just saying something in English when he wanted money for something. And just the way he obviously spend every hour on Instagram over the years but told his fans maaaany times how much he hates social media and doesn’t even like using it. And lastly his interviews about how „self promotion is the most boring thing you can do on social media“ etc. it’s all just …meh.

Our main points were that he already made up his mind, but if he had really been madly and genuinely in love, he would’ve been completely different from the jump. The point was that he made a mental checklist of what he has to accomplish by a certain age and that his mom is a little pushy

I didn’t say he wasn’t an adult, although not having any serious adult relationships before this one isn’t too good.

Him saying he has to give it another month and he has to find a wife and he has to this and that is not great here. But ultimately it doesn’t matter because like I said, I believe it’s already a done deal and I believe he will be hurt in several years. My opinion.

And just to be clear : We have seen many examples of Johanne "push him", we have seen examples of her "manipulate" him and there are even screenshots that prove she is staging her posts on Instagram for likes and lying to his fans and deleting evidence. There are examples of her trolling his fans and just btw the endless posing in his clothes is a little psycho at this point. Looks like there are examples of her sucking up to „important“ people as I saw the other day on another blog.

This blog is just kind enough to let a few remaining fans express their opinions before leaving for good..

But I wish you much fun following them over the next years. Especially Johanne will offer you a lot of content that will appeal to you. ✌🏼. I believe Instagram and his fan accounts are free of criticism anyways. So just enjoy?

Anon to anon.

***

Especially the part about Alex… I’m having the same feeling about it tbh… bit sad but it is what it is i guess 🥲

Always welcome to share your opinion. I try my best to post it! ☺️

By the way, props to both of you for having two different opinions, but still being able to share your views in a respectful way 🥰

[moomstersnuffer]

My BTS Story

Starting off my BTS blog with a little ˚✧₊⁎history⁎⁺˳✧༚ Funnnnn!!! Another ARMY fan girl sob story!!! Yayyyy!!! -_- whatever. Here it is:

With Jin now in the military and the other members soon to follow, I’ve begun to question my relationship with BTS and how it might play out in the years to come as we all await BTS’s return in 2025. Before I begin, I want to make one thing clear. My story may just seem like another boring fan sob story but I think everyone’s story deserves to be heard.

         I was introduced to BTS by a friend of mine back in middle school but it wasn’t until I started high school later that year that I really started to become a fan. The first few weeks of school were extremely stressful. Let’s just say I knew a lot of people from my church and some of them I didn’t have good pasts with.

Honestly, I got into BTS because it was the only thing I had to keep my sanity alive. (BTS is, in a way, my savior which is why I’m now so attached to them)Gradually, I began to get more into BTS and my school life actually seemed to improve. I guess when the military news really sunk in was when I heard about Jin’s enlistment. I had heard about military but I thought it was all a hoax lol 😂 To tell the truth, I did cry. I cried at night, I cried with a school friend who likes BTS as well, and I cried over text. It was and still is really sad for me knowing that Jin’s enlistment is the start of all the members’ soon enlistment. And it made Jin’s enlistment even harder with my birthday a few days before his enlistment date. Now it’s a new year.

        My bias at first was RM. He was my first choice when I was asked for the first time who I liked. But then I started to notice V. I don’t know what it was that first caught my attention. Maybe his voice, maybe his personality and cute smile, maybe his beautiful and seemingly unreal looks, or maybe everything about him. Now I fall asleep listening to his soundtracks, I’m all for Taekook, and I have half a million pictures of V on my phone. Honestly, he’s my first celebrity crush. Wait…no…V, BTS, they’re more than celebrities. They. Are. LEGENDS!!! But yeah. Now my bias is forever Taehyung ❤️🐯❤️

     (Excuse my fangirling. Btw, this is only half of my photo album named and I quote “🐯❤️Kim Taehyung❤️🐯” whatttt?? I’m a fan! A big big fan. 😋 luv u, Tae tae <333)

Moving on.

  Anyway, because of my mistake of not getting to know BTS sooner, my teenager years will be concert-less, fanmeet-less, RunBTS-less, grouppicture-less. I graduate in 2026. Who knows how soon in 2025 BTS will reunite as a group again? I feel like my teenage years will always be missing something and that’s really sad. Also, BTS won’t be as young as they are now in 2025. I mean, V turned 27 just a few days ago. He’ll probably be 30 when they reunite. And he’s also mentioned that he wants to have a family someday. BTS has and will have their own lives to take care of. Who’s to say they will really be reuniting as a band in 2025? Thoughts like these are what make me emotional. 

         Finally, I have thoughts about what will happen to BTS if they decide to discontinue the band in 2025. Like what if BTS decides to pass on the band? Like choose seven new boys to continue their legacy? Crazy thought, I know but wouldn’t that be cool? And imagine 50 years time. Your grandchild asks who BTS was like some kids today ask who the Beatles were. What will you say? I know what I’ll say: “BTS were legends. They were the greatest boy band to ever walk the face of the Earth. They spread love and joy and incredible music everywhere they went, from continents to the internet to books and magazines. BTS were legendary superstars; they ruled the world of music. And your grandma lived to see them preforming, singing, dancing, laughing, crying. I present to you, my grandchild, I present to you, dear readers, I present to you, watching world, the seven pieces of the puzzle of greatness, the seven kings of k-pop, the seven human wonders of the world(lol maybe that’s a bit weird but anyway) Never forget BTS and their legacy.”

Now what’s your story?

[fishnapple]

Hi there!!! I hope you have a nice day! ;)

I saw your October mini game post and I really want to give it a try ✨

My name: Thu

HEX code of a colour: #b6cfae

So here a fact about me: I have pretty big burn scars from hot boiling water all over my left leg. It happened when I was like 3 or 4 years old. And I noticed that I have never ever felt insecured about it. Probably because I wear long pants/skirt all the time, people never say anything bad about them (because they don't know, obviously 😭). So, when I wear shorter types of clothes, I feel pretty confident because I feel like people actually don't care lmao. But that also makes me sad that how words can affect you in a bad way 😞 Like, those harsh words can make you think badly about yourself when in reality, you're amazing!!!

Also another fun fact 🤓☝️: Do you know that we have leap years in the Lunisolar calendar! I don't know if I'm just dumb or this fact is actually amazing because it's pretty random but whatever 😭😭😭 My mom just did a search about leap years in Lunisolar calendar (idk why) and asked me and honestly I know nothing about it until just now. I don't know how Lunisolar calendar works lmao 😭😭 I'm a bad Asian child fgjwofnslksbs

So yeah, that's all. And I'd love to hear messages about all of my studies (don't know how I should word this because English isn't my mother tongue😅) right now because I've been feeling very down for like, 4 years... I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have any clear plan for the future. Is the path I'm going worth my time?😞 University life is so sad...😞😞

Okaiy, that's it. Thank you so much for the mini game :3✨✨✨ Also, I love your readings so muuuuuch pls don't die 😔🙏

Hello Thu, thank you for sharing that fact about you and a fun fact about the calendar. You're right, with just a few words, a person's day or sometimes months, years or longer than that, can be affected, for better or for worse. You're really brave for embracing yourself like that.

The Lunisolar calendar can be so confusing, did you mean the extra leap month every 3 years? If I celebrated my birthday based on the Lunisolar calendar then I would probably have had only about 18~20ish birthdays by now, feel so young. 😎

About your last sentence, eh.., you can wish for my blog not to die, as for me, sorry, I will have to disappoint your wish someday 😅

The message for you: If you only focus on the hardship before you eyes, then you will miss the vision for the future ahead of you. What you're doing is laying foundation for your future, no matter how small, how boring the actions are. I do see a stable and fruitful future for you. But don't close yourself off, don't be in the solitary mindset. You might look at other people and see them doing all the fun things with their life, comparison is your worst enemy here.

October Mini game - Message from the Universe

[the-good-projxct]

May 30th, 2024

6.50 pm. Listening to Stormzy Firebabe. I am BORED AF. Like bored dot com. I have scrolled and scrolled. I don’t feel like reading. I don’t wanna be outside. I decided to write sooo shout out to me for choosing this. My period came this morning and the way I timed those cramps, I had drugs in my system before the uterus had a chance to rise and shine. So yaayyy! To a no cramps period. I got up around 11, chilled with Sweetie Banana and Moka wa Mwiti while they taught me wild Meru tings. Then I showered, went to buy pads at the mall, got measured by Ngina, walked to WWF (no, not wrestling but wildlife) to find out about volunteering/interning, then I walked home. The walk was so nice. I was just feeling God, the Universe, and Love. Like the trees we’re reminding me that I am them and they are me. Just like they deserve to be here, so do I. These are huge trees, likely some hundred years old. An Ancestor. And I heard them loud and clear. I also sang on my walk and just enjoyed being part of this magikal planet on this beautiful day. There are days I feel part of this world and there are days I feel out of this world. ‘Tis life innit? Sometimes when I am overcome by a lot to do or nothing to do, I ask myself what do I want? And there’s a time when that was a complex answer that would overwhelm me. Nowadays, the answer is nothing. I have everything I want. Honestly, I have all my needs met. I feel zen. I am not worried about my hierarchy of needs. Honestly, I feel like this blog/ the Gøod projxct is self-actualization. If I am in the present, the here and now, then I have everything I need and want. If I think ahead, wahala. If I think backwards, grief and sadness. So here is another reminder that I just need to be where my feet are. And that is enough. I am thriving where my feet are. Don’t you just Love that for me? I Love it for me. I am a sacred chubby baby girl living her best life in a complex volatile delusional world and that is OKAY. Hahahah this made me laugh out loud truly. I know I am not the delusional one. It’s the ones committing war crimes, choking on capitalism and colonialisms dick that are delusional. I am quite sane in the membrane. Like, I can see what is happening for what it is and where it came from. Hello Nettyboy, Biden, Bezos, Gates, Musk… you Gøod? No you ain’t. Niggas is DELUSIONAL. And tryna take us all out while they at it. I Love the Universe and I Love Karma. They cannot end the world even if they tried. And Gøod old Karma is coming for their future generations. In my tribe we have a belief in karma for four generations. So all this generational wealth them hoes is acquiring through violence will EAT their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren alive. Oooohh and we will Love to see it. As in, I hope in the afterlife I have a screen or an app where I can check on what's happening on Earth because LAWD, that tea will be spicy and hot. Lmao google tried to make me change dick and hoes? Ummm NO. All of them fuckin’ up Earth and the vibes on this planet are hoes and dicks mmkkaay. Period. Bila Shame. Musk, you is a hoe ass dick. Free Congo!!!! Anyway, at the end of the day everyone is doing the best they can with what they know. Which tells me that all them hoe ass dicks are sick, unwell, in the spiritual trenches. But money makes them look Gøod and makes them believe that they are Gøod. Like true delusion. They are sick dawg. Anyway, This month is basically over. I may or may not write tomorrow. So yeah…Happy June Loves. Don’t be a hoe ass dick. Okay. Be Gøod. Do Gøod. Believe in Gøod. Honor Gøod. Feel Gøod. Because Life is Gøod. God is Gøod. Earth is Gøod. The Universe is Gøod. You are Gøod. I am Gøod. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase. Ase.

[kmreddyy]

Blog 1

Social media can be a different place for each user. For some it's a creative outlet, others use it to show off certain aspects of their lives. While social media can be a nice place for people to connect or to vent, it has its negatives for some. Many become addicted to their appearance online. They begin to create this online persona that might not be a true reflection of their lives. While it shouldn’t matter what is posted online or how your life appears, most thrive off the validation or attention they get from posting certain things. I use social media for a few different reasons; I love to connect with my peers, but it’s an easy place for me to show off the pictures I take at different sporting events.

Social media has allowed me to make connections and market myself to companies that I never would have been able to do without my platform. I feel that being part of the generation that saw the birth of social media has allowed me to learn my way and navigate safely through it. In seeing how deep problems can get, I’ve been sure to keep certain things off the internet to keep myself safe. Recently, as TikTok has started evolving, I’ve seen the content creator scene change immensely from what it used to be. Growing up, I never really heard of people making their full living on social media. Within the last decade or so, YouTube influencers paved the way for the TikTok creators. The influx of people who have been able to quit their day jobs and simply make a living just creating content online has been so amazing to watch. Trends have come in and out of play due to the volume of influencers on social media. It is easier than ever to start or end a trend. While I was talking about fashion trends, the same is true for people. Social media has made it easier (and also harder) than ever for people to “cancel” other people. When I say harder, I’m referring to the people who are victims of cancel culture who have been wrongly accused. Because people are so easily influenced, it has made it harder for people who have been wrongly accused to clear their names.

As I stated before, I grew up alongside social media. I find that, like most people my age, I use social media as a stand-in security blanket. I store the most prevalent memories in my Snapchat; should my account ever get deleted, I would lose some of my most important memories. I have a specific dependence on social media. When I get bored, I go on social media; when I’m sad, I watch TikToks to cheer myself up. Without social media, I think my life would be very different as I would probably be a lot more active and social in person. Posting on Facebook and Instagram has given me a false sense of confidence. I am quite shy in person, and will not speak until spoken to, but if you were to look through my profiles, you would think the opposite of me. I hope this class teaches me the values of my crutch which is social media. I hope that through this class I can slowly start to separate myself from the social media I grew up with and learn to be an adult without a media dependency.

[lovedetlost]

Tay I really don't know how to feel or what to think anymore... I tried to avoid him last weekend and wanted to spend some time with myself to figure it out.

I mean before starting this relationship he made it clear that he didn't want commitment or something serious and made sure that it's going to be only about sex. 

I mean he didn't want to have sex with me in the beggining because he didn't want me to get attached since he was my first.

I'm scared to love him because he is a player. His friend even told me that he is not the type of guy to be in a serious relationship or to be faithful to a girl.

I think that if I had previous relationships or more experience I wouldn't be that confused but since it's my first time being with someone it's make things harder for me to see clear.

I came from a religious background and that why I connected with you and your blog in the first place. I read about your experience and I related to it.

My whole 25 years of life I was waiting for the right guy who'll become my husband to start thinking about having sex. I had a hard time connecting with men or engaging myself in a relationship with someone because of the way they were seeing me. All of them had this image of me and didn't really took the time to know me. 

All the men I met were either seeing me as this virgin delicate subby woman who is too naive and innocent or the boring virgin too cold and frigid. Even some of my girl friends told me that I had a problem because I had never had any sexual relationship. I even though that I was asexual because I was not interested in guys.

Then I met him and for the first time in my life I was attracted to someone. For the first time of my life I was comfortable enough to flirt with someone and show the sexual side of me. I'm still a little bit shy but I can feel the change in myself.

I'm still struggling to be confident and to be a confident sexual woman.

My mother is disappointed because I didn't do it with a boyfriend or a future husband and told me that I shouldn't have lose it with a random guy and said that it's sad that I gave up on my virginity that easily. She thinks I don't respect myself or my body and think he is only playing with me.

But he is a great sexual partner and always make sure that I'm enjoying myself. He is a better partner than most of my friends partner who are in commited relationships. 

Yeah it's casual and I'm happy that I did it with him and that my first time was with him. He made everything so my first time was the way I wanted and he was so patient with me because i kinda get post sex depression. I dealt with shame, sadness and guilt in the beggining of my sexual journey :

I felt bad after losing my virginity

I felt bad because I felt pleasure

I felt bad because of the things I did to him

I felt bad because of the things I let him do to me

I was scared to regret it 

I was scared that my parents would be disapointed

I was scared that people would start judging me 

I was scared that people would see me as a slut

There was so many negative feelings

Now it's getting easier for me day by day and I'm accepting myself and my sexuality more and more.

I do like him. A lot. I always miss him. I like how close we are. How comfortablee we are with each other. How we have fun and laugh together. He never left me on read. Always call be during the day and after work. Call me before sleeping. Hold my hand when we go out...

But I don't know if I want to be in a serious relationship with him. I can't see him as a boyfriend even if he is acting like one lately.

If he brings back the conversation about our relationship I think I will tell him that I want to keep it casual. I don't want to overthink. I just want to enjoy myself

But at the same time I'm scared that I won't find someone who makes me comfortable like him

I don't know anymore 🙁

Sorry it was too long for you to read it all

👽

baby thanks so much for sharing all this with me! i’m honoured.

firstly i’m so sorry you felt so much guilt surrounding your sexuality. and i’m glad that me sharing resounded with you. because i totally know how you feel. i couldn’t even orgasm while masturbating because i felt so damn guilty about it. but now i’m very out and proud with my vaginé and her wants and needs. and i’m so so so happy that you are too!! it’s the key to happiness i swear.

i still stand by my decision to lose my virginity with a boy who didn’t even know at the time and will to this day leave me on read every now and again. he made me feel sexy and confident and validated as a sexual entity and it was my choice when i did finally lose it. and yes it was to a man i won’t marry. but it was a totally empowering experience because it was on my terms.

i totally understand your hesitance. he was so anti-relationship anti-attachment when you first met that such a swing seems very strange. but i also would never want to be held to a decision i’ve made when i’ve communicated i’ve changed my mind. owned it. i think part of being an adult and maturing is owning when your decision and wants have changed. BUT tread carefully. figure out what you want and don’t compromise on it. and if you have decided you want to stay casual, then fuck yes girl. get those drama free orgasms.

and stop apologising it’s my honour.

[bongaboi]

Playing tango with GShade

Playing tango with GShade

One teenager's fight against an anti-FOSS developer

posted 2023-02-05 - go back

UPDATE, 02/06 @ 12:45 PM ET: I've been banned from the GPOSERS Discord after Marot put malware inside of GShade's installer. I'll continue this in a part two soon.

This is gonna be a fun one.

The problem

GShade is a closed source ReShade fork. Why is it closed source? Who knows!

They have forced automatic updates (disabling itself until you update), annoying devs, and a userbase that's only large because "everyone else uses it". Their FAQ post explaining why the updates are forced is specifically designed to waste time. They have annoying, obtrusive popups. Configs randomly reset every update. It sucks.

Their installer is a total mess that also is not open source. Of course, monkey see and monkey get idea - let's install ReShade with the GShade shaders!

Enter GeezShade

GeezShade is an open source shader/preset downloader written in Rust. It's broken right now (i'll get into that later), but it's important for the story.

It works by downloading .zip files from GitHub. Seriously.

Almost immediately I got a tweet from a popular preset creator telling me to exclude their work from this. How do you exclude a preset from a program that fetches a GitHub API endpoint? I dunno.

I also got accused of hosting and "distributing" shaders and presets, and even that doing this was conspiracy to commit a crime!. Maybe those who said that should reread what that word means.

Marot responds

Marot, a.k.a. "The CEO of GShade" (I made that title up), after fighting me in my Twitter notifs (Marot, you're shadowbanned on Twitter, by the way) comes up with the ultimate plan - add a LICENSE.md!

You can see it here. Note the automated downloading part. :^

Some other things I built

Here's some other things I did to troll Marot while I got bored:

GShade Tango - the ultimate tool

I also made a CLI tool that I never released anywhere that had several features - download ReShade and GShade, patch the update check out of the GShade DLL, and download shaders/presets (including pinned before they added a license!)

The final straw - GShade Patcher

I also made an online patcher tool to patch the update check out of GShade! It's borked right now - I'll fix it someday if I have the energy.

Marot gets mad

I wake up one morning to a glorious version 4.1.1 of GShade. It:

breaks GeezShade/GShade Tango

breaks my patcher tool

I'll fix it eventually, but I'm not in the mood right now.

This moves the GShade shaders and presets to a self-hosted web URL, password protected by a probably-not-legally-binding password claiming that "I indeed accessed this from the official installer". Incredibly sad that Marot would intentionally break tools opting for a more open replacement for GShade.

So what now?

I'm getting bored of this. It was funny, though!

If I were you, still trying to use GShade on ReShade, I'd give this script a look - specifically presetAndShaderUpdate's calls to curl, and the two variables at the top of that function. Have fun!

If you're reading this, Marot: you really need to pick better things to do with your time than fight 16 year olds on the Internet. I'll be back to fight for FOSS someday, but I've got more important things to do like schoolwork. Thanks for making a clear stance your software practices are evil, though.

This blog post was written in Vim, built with Zola, hosted through NGINX on Debian Linux through Proxmox. How's that for open source!