#it is not my fault that the two words sound very similar and I am very very dumb

[callofdudes]

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Autistic Reader headcanons.

A/N: I myself am not autistic but I do know a fair bit about it. So I figured I'd write headcanons before writing a fic just to dip my toes in and see if I can get it right.

I know that autism can present a bit differently for some things across different people. Please feel free to let me know if something in this list is not correct. ❤️

Ghost would be lying if he said he didn't give you extra special treatment apart from his other teammates. And it's well justified. Simon knows not to compare you to a child but he also knows that you need things the others don't.

Simon has picked up on subtle signs throughout the months working with you. How sometimes when things didn't go according to plan on base it would leave you more stressed out than it should have. Sometimes if your food wasn't what you had expected it to be, he'd notice how you'd react.

He eventually consulted your file before making any decisions. That's how he'd found out you are autistic.

Simon knew someone who was autistic, so he made sure to keep his eye close on you.

He noticed each little shift. How you would stim with your clothing or your hair, too embarrassed to carry a fidget toy around base. But that didn't matter to Simon. He made sure to take care of everything. He bought some fidget toys small enough to fit in his jacket and when in meetings or just sitting around, he'd pull a toy like magic from his pocket and hand it over.

You'd been incredibly grateful the first few times, and then it just became routine that Simon would carry around the toys for you and have one on hand whenever you needed.

He also noticed which ones you liked, and didn't like. Some you would hand back because they didn't feel right on your fingers. Others clicked and slid in a way you didn't quite like, and he kept a tab of that. He compared fidget toys you did like to similar ones and was very precise every time he got you a new one.

He made sure that in every environment he was nearby. How you'd react to the lights, different sounds. How you'd react when it got to loud and crowded or too quiet. What noises bugged you and what calmed you.

When on missions, Simon made sure to talk you through each step. He thought his voice would help you to face the unexpected. Telling you where to go and exactly what to do, ready to face any situation.

"Take a deep breath y/n, you're doing great. Two Shadows on your left, you can take them out from where you are without being spotted"

Your level of empathy and emotional awareness was also something he had to take into account. You could sensitive to anger. You could feel a great deal of empathy and almost take on the burden of It being your fault even if you had nothing to do with it. Because of this, Simon made sure that you were aware his anger was never on you.

"Simon? Did I do something wrong? You looked really upset when you looked at me earlier and I just thought that maybe-"

Simon places his hand on your shoulder. "No no, just had a rough morning. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Got it?"

Simon has also become much more aware of how he teases you. You were emotionally aware to the point that you very clearly understood Simon would joke about being hurt, or would make fun of you and it was all jokes. He understood that you understood how his emotions worked as well.

But there was the occasional time where Simon would pretend to be hurt by your words and you'd have genuine regret. It doesn't happen as often as he would have thought, but when it does, he's right there to reassure you he is completely fine.

Simon actually gets more upset than you do when people call you a child wrapped up in an adults body with a nice little bow on top. Of course you have your traits but Simon has seen your hobbies and interests. You're no super genius but you are more than a child. You just have a different trajectory point on life's train tracks. And Simon makes sure to remind anyone he doesn't think is being respectful of you as a person.

Nightmares can affect you more harshly because of your emotional investment with things and the people around you.

The first time Simon saw you become overstimulated he was a little scared he'll be honest. He panicked a little bit. But now he knows exactly what to do. At first he tried to comfort you, allowing you to be swallowed up in his embrace, he crushed you tightly in his arms and smoothed his hands over your muscles. It would sometimes take a while for you to come down from your high, but he was there for every moment.

When he becomes a bit better at knowing how to handle a situation when you get over stimulated the process is smoother. Simon will notice how you can completely shut down. Sometimes it's near a meltdown with tears flowing everywhere. And other times you just disconnect. You don't move, don't speak, completely distant. Simon approaches you gently and picks you up in his arms.

"This ok?" He whispers near your ear as to not startle you. You cling to him tightly, burying your head in his neck. "Alright, come on, you've had a long day."

He rubs your back and brings you to your room. If you're away from base he just finds a separate room that is quiet. Anywhere he can go to separate the noise and bustling energy from you. If you're in your room he'll lay you down and just get you to relax.

Tears flow down your cheeks, hands still clasping the material of Simon's hoodie. Simon gently rubs your collar and down over your shoulders. He presses on different parts of your arms until you relax. "Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath." Simon breathes in deeply, prompting you to mimick. He wipes the tears from your cheeks and fetches your heavier blanket from the end of the bed. "See? You're ok."

He grabs your fidget from your desk and place it in your hand, or sometimes he'll lean over you and allow you to play with his sweater.

He talks softly and calmly, he does know kinder and softer words of reassurance help.

Sometimes all you want to do is hug Simon under the warmth of your weighted blanket, his arms wrapped around you like mountains compressing you from all angles.

And sometimes Simon will shut the door, lay you on your back and lay the weighted blanket just above the bend in the bottom of your spine. If you want a fidget toy he'll get you one to distract your hands while he runs soothing motions along your muscles, feeling them relax and contract. He plays white Noise in the background for you, or he'll give you his phone so you can watch soap cutting videos or other visually satisfying things.

"How are you doing?" He whispers near your ear, thumbs rubbing over your stomach and up around your back to cup your shoulder blades. "Look at it." You flip the phone to show a satisfying paint video. "Oh, that's a cool one isn't it?" You nod and go back to watching it.

Wherever Simon got so good at doing massages, you would not change it for the world. You've expressed before how nice they feel and how they calm you down. And Simon continues to do them.

Simon always makes sure that when you're over stimulated you have something to do with your hands. Again, if you want to play with his hoodie he'll stay with you so you can. If you want to run your hands through his hair, he's become comfortable enough to allow it.

"What are you doing up there?" He asks with a smile. You hum, combing your fingers through the short hair of his nape and up into the longer locks. "Soft." You express the feeling over your fingertips. "Yeah? I did shower." "I like your hair."

The occasional times you go nonverbal and are unsure how to express your needs, Simon will pull out a few toys and just crawl up next to you. He holds out his hoodie strings and comb his fingers through your hair.

He lays next to you, holding up one of the fidget toys. You gently take it and allow your fingers to move over it. Simon stays, fingers moving to drift through your scalp. You abandon the toy quicker than he expected and reach for his hoodie. "Oh you want this?" He smiles and moves closer so you can play with the strings of his hoodie.

Simon knows that you are incredibly passionate about what makes you happy. He often bugs you that you never shut up, but he knows you love it. One time when you both couldn't sleep early on the morning, Simon made you both tea and sat silently while you went on for nearly four hours about the lore of your favorite game/movie/TV show. He'd add little key points and poke out certain details, which would lead you down a detailed side rant before coming back to wrap everything up. The conversations would ring you dry of information. Simon would be lying if he said he didn't like it when you info dumped on him.

It was one of your ways you expressed your love. Sharing these things that made you so incredibly happy and Simon wanted to be a part of that.

Simon is still learning, and honestly he's very happy to learn. Sometimes he gets things right and sometimes he doesn't. But he is always here to make sure you get the care and provision you need. Whether it's taking a step back or a step in.

[harfanfare]

If that's okay could i request it for Epel?

How to win the heart of Epel Felmier?

a/n: Thank you for requesting~~ Dear Readers, while I am not a native English speaker, I wrote this ff in the English-pronounciation (?) mindset that “Epel” and “Apple” sound very similar. If it’s not all that similar, may Reader be too obsessed with apples to have that selective hearing when it comes to Epel’s name or let’s blame it on the Harveston’s dialect, haha

Be a zealous apple lover.

You envy this boy’s name.

“Apple”? What a majestic word to be named after. The first time you’ve heard a woman calling someone like that, you remember stilling in place and whooping your head at a ten-year-old boy who yelled that he was coming.

And he… doesn’t look like an apple. Maybe you weren’t expecting a walking apple, nor a boy with red hair dressed in all browns, carrying a big basket of apples (and of course, eating one in the other hand) like a character created for a show whose audience is a tad younger than you, but none of the apples you know turn purple.

Never have you imagined someone with such a beautiful name would move so wobbly in snow, the sledge he dragged behind definitely too heavy.

The realization of how unfitting this name was makes you lose a grip on the basket of fabric you got from one of your new neighbours. Well, everyone here is “new” if you just came into this little village just three days ago.

That boy notices you. He must have heard the news because a flash of recognition paints itself on his face. You didn’t return a shy smile at the staring, even if you wanted to. You remember your cheeks prickling from the freezing wind when you bolted home as the apple boy looked like he wanted to say something.

“He doesn’t look like an apple,” you argue with your mother that night, as she kisses your temple goodnight.

“Maybe not. But I would have loved you two to be friends…” Your mother stops in her words as you roll your eyes at her and pout with all your might. She suppresses a laugh that you would take to your heart. “…But, maybe I should be glad he doesn’t resemble an apple at all? You would have fallen head over heels in love with him if he did.”

Yeah, your mother doesn’t need to look so happy as you grew agitated.

“I wouldn’t!” You protest loudly and bury yourself deeper into bed sheets even if your face grows hotter. Maybe of the embarrassment, maybe of the fury, but surely not because of the boy. “I would never fall in love with a boy like him. And I don’t want you to talk about this to anyone!”

You remember your mother’s eyes twinkling with utter amusement. “Yes, yes, all right.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

2. Challenge Apple to a sled race.

Maybe it’s the fault of far too many action films being aired on TV, yet the idea of being able to win anything a fight was stuck in your head.

Some limited part of your brain thought that, hm, Apple might just give up his name to you if you won in this town’s most famous activity: the Harveston’s Sled Race. It seemed only appropriate for you to pick something the boy must know, even if you had only got your first sledge barely two weeks ago.

“Ya… want my name?” Apple blinks as you grow irate when you repeat your offer once again. You remember rolling your eyes ostentatiously at him, and Apple huffing loudly at you. “What does it even mean, duh?”

He crosses his arms and glared at you. He has the advantage of being just a little bit taller than you, but thankfully, his The-Great-Seven-Better-Bless-Her grandmother never ceases to dress him in fluffy, puffy clothes, always in pastel colours; the cute pompom on top of his beanie and shawl in the adorable pink shade made him much less imposing.

“Whoever wins in this sledge race will be called Apple,” you repeat. Apple squints his eyes at you. “I like this name so much, you have no idea. Please give it up to me.”

“Oh.”

You have no idea why his face slowly turned red. If you knew better, you would have used this opportunity to tease him, but little you didn’t want to mock a newly met boy, even if you just threw down a gauntlet for his name.

“It’s a normal name….” He mutters, and before you can protest, he draws his eyes to you, somehow redeeming you speechless. “…But I’ll challenge you if that’s what you wanna do.”

Huh. You weren’t expecting him to agree so easily.

…Nor were you expecting him to glide on the snow with his sledge. He looked frail enough to not care about things like rides and thought that it would give you the advantage. It did not. Apple flew or used magic, or illusions because he rode so fast the snow beneath him barely left a trace.

That was some cool skill, even if you hated how awed you were.

It seems like you challenged the wrong boy because this one wins with ease.

“Sorry,” he says with flushed cheeks, and his deep breaths create little warm clouds in freezing air. He lays on the snow, and his fringe sticks to his forehead. He has won, and it was a tough victory yet a well-earned one. “I will still be the only Epel in this town.” He shifts his gaze on you. “So. What’s your name?”

Well, he is a (treacherous) winner. You give your name to him.

He smiles slightly, he repeats it slowly and goes quiet. You look over to see him open his eyes from reverie and bright lights dance in his eyes.

“It’s nice. I think it suits you well.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

3. Have some baking skills.

“Epel, dear. We’ll be having our little neighbour helping us this year’s festival, so please show how responsible can you be and teach [Name] how to prepare apples for the pies.”

Ugh. If only Grandma Marja wasn’t so kind, you would have been protesting more.

Apple looks at you and you frown slightly as he sighs at your sight.

“You again?”

And because Grandma Marja already left, you feel free to announce your displeasure with the situation as well. Sadly, there are no other kids your age in this village, so you are probably bound to accompany him for the rest of your whole life here as he’s your only peer.

“Unfortunately.”

Apple hands you an apron, before ordering you to wash your hands. Because the kitchen island is too occupied with other dishes and too high for any of you without a stool, you take a seat next to a coffee table that was impractically set between the salon and kitchen, leaving just enough space to create a narrow route from one room to another.

“Have you ever baked an apple pie before?” He asks and you shake your head. His brows furrow slightly as he thinks whether you will be a help here at all. “So, it will be a long day…”

He better not write you off before you can even start.

You cross your arms. “Test me first, complain later... if ever.”

“I’m not complaining. But we have a knife and a peeler. Oh, and it hurts if you get cut. You should take it slowly and be careful,” he adds and hops to the other room to grab a basket full of apples. He lays it between you two.

Apple doesn’t let you use a knife.

“I am older than you,” he says and takes an apple from you to cut it into even pieces. You don’t notice the skill he has to make careful cuts precise and clean, as you glare at him.

“Barely.”

The few-month gap in your age isn’t enough to stop you from insisting that you can do more complicated things than just peeling apples. That’s some arduous work, especially when the peeler doesn’t cooperate and the thin fruit’s skin gets stuck between the blades.

So, Apple, who couldn’t contain that last annoyed sigh, finally lends you a knife. He instructs you, but after several times that you tell him you know what are you doing, he hesitantly goes back to his work. You could feel a worried gaze at you nonetheless, and at one time you looked over your shoulder to see him staring at you.

And that’s when the knife slips from your hands.

You don’t scream, but a gasp and a sudden flinch gives you away.

“Aaaand that’s what I was saying,” he immediately drops the apple he was taking care of, and stands next to you, scrutinizing the cut. It’s not bigger than a paper cut, yet it’s a bit deeper and stings as much. You quickly hide your hands from him. “Go take your hand under the cold water. I will get some bandages.”

He gets some. He then orders you—” I am the older one here and I was right before, so I am in charge between us two,” as you were told—to sit on the sofa as he carefully wraps one bandage around your finger. The gesture it’s almost cute from him, but it doesn’t lift your foul mood at all.

“I made more trouble than I’ve helped,” you say quietly. Epel looks at you, a bit surprised.

“You sayin’ that this little cut is making you quit?” And now he has that stupid smile on his lips that makes your blood not boil, but warm up at least five degrees. “Awh, poor thing.”

You get up in a hurry.

“…I didn’t say that.”

“Then don’t give up like that,” he chastises you, but he can’t hide a (still very stupid) smile when you pass him to get to the kitchen counter. “But be more careful from now. No one wants to eat a bloody apple pie.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

4. Get into NRC and survive a shock.

Over the years, you’ve become friends, close enough to plan to go to college together, if the opportunity arises. It did.

“Cheers!”

The perfect way to celebrate getting into NRC is with a soft drink, sparkling soda and a big plate of snacks. Although you bought chips for the occasion, your and Apple’s parents prepared a pile of homemade goodies and they couldn’t compare to those store-bought.

Your can clinks against Apple’s and you take a sip.

“It’s not like I ever thought of Night Raven Collage rejecting the best candidates ever,” Apple says with a sigh. Only today you can notice how stiff he was before; although he’d been playing it cool, he was tense all the time. “But that’s one burden off your chest.”

You nod in agreement and look at the acceptance papers once again. When a time will come, carriages with Gates will come for you two… And that’s a thrilling thought.

“This document looks so official,” you say. “What a pretty paper. It looks so elegant.”

Apple empties his can and briefly glances at you.

“Nothin’ special about it…”

And because you want to see the comparison (maybe there are hidden hints where you might be allocated to by the Dark Mirror?), you take his document. The first thing that crosses your mind, is that there is something wrong with his name.

“Wait,” you shriek loudly, and Apple shudders from surprise. He would chastise you for screaming so loud if you didn’t look so worried. “They spelled your name wrong!”

“Huh?” Apple feels a pang of horror, the same you feel when you tap your pockets in search of your phone. As if he found it, once he reads the top of the document again, he relaxes. His lips form into a thin line: he thinks you are pranking him. “No way. Everything is correct.”

“No, look here. Your name, Apple!”

“It’s… Correct.”

“E- P- E- L. And your name is A- P- P- L- E, no?”

“…What?” Epel, not Apple, looks surprised but not as surprised as you. “You thought my name was ‘Apple’ for all those years?!”

You bite your lip to not question it. Is it not? Your cheeks burn from embarrassment, and your heart feels heavy as if you have just betrayed your best friend. It never crossed your mind to have him write down his name, and there wasn’t a reason for him to do so: in this small town there is no school, neither are there the tests you need to sign.

“…I’m sorry.” You stutter, and Epel brushes the crumbs off from his blouse and gets up.

“Goodbye,” he says, making his way towards the door. He doesn’t seem that upset over the whole thing, as much as confused. Tomorrow everything will return to normality, but Epel will have a top-tier teasing material for years. “That’s too many revelations for today.”

“Wait, Epel!”

“Go to ya Apple boy.”

“No!! I said I’m sorry!”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎

5. Get sorted into any dorm but Pomefiore.

“Stop laughing.”

“I can’t…! Ha…”

You take a big breath to calm yourself down, but once you look up at Epel and his grimace, it’s impossible to not burst out laughing so loud and so breath-taking you drop to the floor. Epel nudges you. You might be in his room, yet he knows if he’ll be too loud, someone will come to shush you two.

And maybe they will punish him, but Epel isn’t familiar with Pomefiore’s customs, so he doesn’t know what to expect.

“How come you got sorted into another dorm, while we are practically the same?” Epel mumbles, lying down on his bed. The sheets are heavy yet comfortable, luxurious like the whole room. It feels like a museum here, where each item is more valuable than your life and you need permission to rearrange the interior.

To Epel, Pomefiore is the worst dorm. He remembers you teasing him about getting sorted to Pomefiore, but neither of you thought it would come true. It’s too stiff, too restrictive and cares too much about appearances. Epel’s heart feels heavy at the thought of the next four years here.

“Maybe Dark Mirror doesn’t sort the dorm judging by the alikeness of two last brain cells but the shape and colour of the soul,” you nudge him back, waking him up from his reverie.

“Or maybe it didn’t get any input of brain cells from you.”

“Well, your desire to be the prettiest boy in the town got to it, so I think it functions well.”

You chuckle at the dead glare he throws you.

Epel finally sighs.

“…I would like to change the dorms.”

“I don't know whether the Dark Mirror accepts complaints,” you tease him. The gloom is abruptly replaced by irritation, and that’s nice. An angry Epel is better than a devastated Epel. “But if you ever want to escape for a while, you are welcome in my room. We can have a sleepover whenever you want.”

“…Thank you.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

5.5. Sorted into Pomefiore exception.

“You ain’t elegant at all, though.”

“It seems like my elegance bleaks in comparison to yours, pretty boy.”

“You are blind.”

Epel tries to push you away, but you sidestep while giggling. He glares at you, and thankfully, his eyes don’t seem that sad. When he returned to his seat after getting sorted to Pomefiore, he looked bewildered, as if he suddenly wasn’t in the NRC he dreamed of but some other, less-dreamlike school.

You remember him blinking back tears, but maybe not from sadness—thankfully, Epel doesn’t pity himself—but melancholy, as if he just lost something he didn’t even have. Maybe also fury and confusion.

“It will be fun to stay here together,” you prompt, and Epel sighs but a trace of a smile appears on his lips. Thank Great Sevens for the little lights that brighten the azure tones in his eyes.

“Guess I’m stuck being your neighbour forever.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

“No?”

“Of course not. You already know how great friend I can be.”

“…I guess you’re right,” he sticks out his tongue. Vil will have a lot of work if he wants to make him a fine gentleman. Well. You will take any version of Epel, even the pettiest and most teasing one, so it’s Vil’s burden to bear. “Kind of.”

You pout at him, but a quiet smile breaks your coolness. “So petty.

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

6. Listen to your manly man complain about Vil.

After several weeks in NRC, you could tell Epel still hasn’t gotten used to Pomefiore, and especially its leader.

“I can’t handle him pointing out each… well, everything!” He hides his face in his hands and sluggishly rubs his eyes; he looks tired enough even if Pomefiore must have those eight hours of sleep every night mandatory. “He would find wrongdoings in the way I breathe.”

“I would too. You don’t breathe as much through your nose as you think you do. That’s so very unhealthy, Epel. Your skin will be ruined in the next week of running.”

Epel throws you a warning look as if you had hit the nail with your talk. “Stop or I will strangle you with a pillow in your sleep. I already have Ace on my list.”

You chuckle at a threat, and Epel rolls his eyes. “How dramatic.”

“I have enough drama in my life,” he continues, and you can feel from his tone that he either suppresses the sigh. No apathy or fury anymore, though. Pomefiore must be slowly growing on him, and you take it as a good sign. “My two upperclassmen are going to be a death of me. I don’t know how could I end up in Pomefiore. This kind of lifestyle doesn’t suit me.”

“You complain about them a lot, but, in reality, you look up to him, no?” You tease. “Even you can say the beauty he possesses is influential and somewhat powerful.”

“He might look majestically but it doesn’t make him any less annoying. Now, let’s stop talking about him.”

“Why not? I might become Vil Schoenheit’s fan.”

He clasps his hands on your mouth, so you have to fully focus on his glaring.

“You can’t. You are my fan.”

You pout but after he takes his hands off you, a lopsided smile cracks your lips. “I guess you’re right.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

7. Argue, duh.

That’s a hobby of you two, although a risky one. It always leaves a weight on your heart, because you cannot not care for Epel. While jokes and sarcasm are never intended to hurt any of you, and you can almost always distance yourself from teasing comments, his every word is precious to you.

“Don’t be a killjoy,” would make you roll your eyes if Epel didn’t look so serious. Your smile falters, and something in your stomach twists. You know this conversation was going to end in an argument even before he glowered at you.

“Hey, don’t say it like that,” you stutter the words, placing a hand on his arm. It would come as a reassuring gesture, yet Epel made an effort to move a seat away, and your arm fell aimlessly, sadly. “I am just worried about our grades. That have. Uh. Dropped marginally.”

You stare at your shoes because listening to your best friend being displeased with you so greatly is heartbreaking.

“We have the whole weekend ahead of us to study,” he argued. “Be serious. You don’t want me to go, because you weren’t invited, isn’t that so?”

You sigh. You’ve never expected to be invited to each of their meetings: they are Epel’s friends, and you have yours.

While you knew Ace and Deuce were delightful company, you always thought Epel would choose you over them, even if you suggested something as unentertaining as studying because you would do the same.

You were wrong, after all. Maybe that’s the difference of willpower between a just-a-friends mindset and having a crush on him. Do you really have a crush on him, though? Or maybe you’ve expected too much from a childhood friendship.

“Well, no. I mean, I would love to be invited, but—”

“We don’t need to hang out together every time we have a spare afternoon,” he said, and while it was a true statement, it hurt. If you weren’t able to somehow steel your nerves, you would know you wouldn’t be able to bear the prickling in your eyes. Epel’s next suggestion comes as a whisper. “Sometimes… We should take a break from each other, ya know? And I need to figure, uh, something out.”

The news shocks you so much, that you don’t notice how he visibly abstains from lifting a hand to his chest.

Well. You always knew you were a hopeless romantic.

“Breaks from each other, huh…”

You take in the phrase in silence. Epel takes this chance as an opportunity to gather his things and pack them.

“…I’ll be leaving. Good luck studying or whatever.”

“…Alright. Have—” fun, you wanted to say, but the door shut and Epel left you alone.

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

8. Go through the silent treatment phase.

After a week of awkward conversations, Epel has forgotten about that talk. The pain in your chest dulled and you were growing indifferent as if you were watching a show—your life—that started to bore you, not engaging you at all.

You stared blankly at the screen of your phone.

— today —

Epel: Hey

Epel: are u free todya?? you’ve been so absent last weeks >:((

Epel: Grim and prefect invited us for gaming night

Epel: dont ya DARE do skip it again

— seen: now —

…Yeah. You feel nothing, maybe only a little sad at the memory when you felt so vivid and happy when you got a message from Epel.

“No, sorry, I am busy with studying lol,” you type, and while you know that excuse will wear out in the next few days, for as much as you’ve been using it for the last week to avoid hanging out with Epel, your (ex-?) best friend starts to type something. He will protest and argue and try to convince you, but you don’t want to talk today. “Maybe next time.”

So you turn off your phone, sinking deeper into the pillows on your bed.

You don’t have the energy to confront Epel right now.

And that’s it.

…

You fell into a slumber deep enough to not hear the hesitant-turned-frantic knocking to your room.

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

9. Let Epel hear the advice of unreliable gurus of love.

They are really unreliable, look messy, and they judge you. The worst kind of people to go for (love?) advice, but Epel assures himself that he needs honesty, not a pat on his back or a shoulder to cry on. He also is out of other options.

Moreover, he would like to cry nowhere near Ace, who would obviously mock him. Even now it’s hard to have a heart-to-heart conversation when he and Deuce chomp on some type of dessert and some awfully happy music from videogame plays in the back of the room. “So? What did you do?”

“Ace,” Deuce is kind enough to elbow Ace in the stomach when Epel’s stoic expression falters.

His shoulders drop. “No, he… He is kinda right.”

Ace throws a winning smile but moves too far away from Deuce to have him punch him for the cheekiness. “’ Kinda’?”

“…Totally right,” Epel finally admits. “[Name] has been avoiding me and I have no idea what should I do,” He throws his arms on the table, and almost hides his face in the palms of his hands. Instead, he moves away the strands of his unruly hair. “Ugh. Why I am even asking you guys to help me? You’re even worse at this kind of thing.”

“Speak for yourself. And Deuce,” Ace cuts him off. And before Deuce can do anything else than glare at him, Ace shifts closer to Epel and throws an arm over his shoulder so he has to hunch. “Epel, question: what is “this kind of thing”. You mean… as in friendships or dating?”

Deuce looks shocked, even so more than Epel. “Dating?!”

“Why are you even so shocked?” Ace asks him, furrowing his eyebrows. When Deuce starts to ponder over his words, he rolls his eyes. “[Name] probably have had a crush on this imbecile”— he points his fork at Epel—” for damn years now, if I had to guess”.

“Years?!”

“Thank you for the dramatic echo effect again, Deuce,” Ace snarls and finally focuses on Epel. Too distracted with a bickering between his friends, his spirits lift up a little. “And you, Epel. Pull yourself together. Do you want to sever the relationship? Do nothing. Do you want to be friends? Apologize to [Name] and try to patch the bond. Do you want to be in a relationship? …Welp, figure out that for yourself.”

…

“Amazing advice, Ace,” Deuce claps his hands theatrically.

He sticks out his tongue and winks. “You could never give a better one.”

Epel gets up from his seat.

“Thanks, you two. I… will do something.”

“Good luck,” Ace waves at him as Epel makes his way over to the door. “If it works out, you owe us a free drink. Especially me.”

‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎

10. Have Epel fight for your love!!

It’s hard to find someone when the person knows your schedule and actively tries to avoid you. Choosing more roundabout corridors and sacrificing your wallet to have most of your meals in Monstro Longue instead of the cafeteria are only some of the things you did to avoid encountering Epel.

But he didn’t give up, and maybe his tenacity is what makes you oblige Epel once he finds you.

You don’t question him when he grabs your hand and asks you to skip the last lesson with him that feels almost unimportant as his intertwined fingers warm yours. You don’t comment on how his grip is stronger than usual and how he doesn’t let it go when your hands begin to sweat.

But as you leave the main building of NRC, the curiosity gets the better of you.

“Where are we heading to?”

Epel looks over his shoulder to blink at you. “I…,” he stammers, as confused enough to leave you wondering what is your final destination. Or what was your final destination, Epel seems to have forgotten whatever plan he had in mind. “I guess it can be here.”

He ushers you into one of the side alleys, a bit distanced from the main street and sits you down on a bench. You eye him curiously as he slowly lifts his hands to your face—and that is the first time he let go of your hand—and cupped your cheeks.

“Let me be clear. I- really like you,” he said loudly, gazing into your eyes. “And I know I… overreacted earlier. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to avoid me.”

You breathe out slowly. The heat from the “I really like you” moment prickles and makes your face hotter. It doesn’t help that Epel doesn’t shift his gaze from you nor that he has his hands firmly on your cheekbones as he awaits your answer.

“I’m… sorry. I shouldn’t have been getting between you and your friends.”

Epel eyes you, bewildered. “Why are you focusing on that part?”

“Huh?”

“Ah. Maybe… I will phrase it differently,” He hesitates and his tone wavers, but he says the words without a stutter, as if he’s been practising them in front of the mirror, effectively. “I love you.”

“And I- I want to be friends even if you don’t feel the same.” He rushes with an explanation when you don’t answer as your mind goes blank. “Because. I don’t want you to… avoid me anymore. A-actually, you don’t have to rush with your answer. Just, decide, someday, in the near future, haha? I will wait.”

He glances at you and you know he won’t be able to bear long without hearing your answer. As he rushes past you, you think you heard a hushed whisper.

“Dear Sevens, I said it…!”

[blackest-soul]

A Short Girl’s Guide to Working at the BAU

I. Dealing with Morgan

Derek: How short are you?

Y/N: you mean how tall?

Derek: no, how short??? You can barely reach my shoulders!

Y/N, in a soft voice: not my fault i got the southeast asian genes and you are very aware that im only 4’9 so shut up ok.

Derek: fine fine fine. So, just out of curiosity…hmm can i, well, can i use you as a hand rest coz u are the perfect height!!!

Y/N: do that and you will die

II. Emily and her unwanted maternal instinct

*Y/N, walking around the bullpen without her ID, in a backpack*

Concerned Agent: hey, hey kid. Are you lost? Where’s your guardian? You cant just go walking around here…

Y/N, spotting Emily and pointing at her: Don’t worry, Agent. There’s my mom. I’ll just go and talk to her.

Concerned Agent: huh, didn’t know she has a child. Wait let me call her for you. SSA Prentiss!! Your daughter is here!!!!

Emily: WTF ARE YOU ON ABOUT?

Emily, seeing Y/N: STOP CALLING ME YOUR MOTHER YOU ARE 25 ffs!!!! WE DONT EVEN LOOK SIMILAR!!!

Y/N: not my fault he can’t remember me.

Y/N: so mom, what’s for lunch?

Emily: i packed you an extra sandwich. You should eat more.

Also, Emily: why the fuck am i mothering you!?? I can’t even take care of myself

III. A tired singlefather!Hotch

Hotch, reprimanding Y/N for all her choices in life: … and lastly, stop eating expired and dirty food! I saw you eating your sandwich after you dropped on the floor for lunch!!!! Am i not giving you enough allowance?

Y/N: the food barely touched the floor!!! Besides germs wait for the five second rule so i am going to be fine. And what allowance???!!!??

Hotch: you are giving me a migraine. Shut up and let me process the words that just came out of your mouth

Y/N: really???? maybe you should start eating dropped sandwiches more coz i do not get migraines

Hotch: one more sound and you will be grounded

Y/N: as if!!! What are you gonna do?

Hotch: no phone

Y/N: we need phones for work

Hotch: no internet for a week

Y/N: try again, I work with Penny.

*Reid, walking by to get another coffee*

Hotch: No Reid

Y/N: NO REEIIDD!!!!

Hotch: YES! NO REIDD

Y/N: you cant just do that!!!

Hotch: YES I CAN!!! NO REID TIL COLLEGE, YOUNG WOMAN!!

Y/N: TIL COLLEGE!!!!!!!! Rossi will hear about this

A few moments later

Reid, to Hotch: hey Hotch, can Y/N and I hang out later? I wanna invite her to watch a movie with me.

Hotch: No.

Reid: what do you mean NO.

Hotch: She’s grounded. NO REID TIL COLLEGE.

Reid: she has two PhDs already.

Hotch, unblinking: NO. REID. TIL COLLEGE.

IV. Rossi and the granddaughter he never asked for but clearly loves

Rossi: so tell me what ails you, bambino.

Y/N, pouting and whining: Hotch *hiccups* grounded *hiccups* me. He said *hiccups* I cannot see Reid. Til college *wails, while dramatically throwing herself to the sofa*

Rossi: don’t you cry now, cara. I will talk to your father about this. Here’s $100. Go buy yourself something nice for your date with Reid.

Y/N: it is not a date, nonno. Just a movie.

Rossi: Regardless, take it. I will talk to, Hotch.

V. Reid and his never ending explanations of “yes she is my girlfriend. no i am not a pedophile, we met when she’s 25. yes i am sure she is 25. And no i am not dating a high schooler”

*Reid and Y/N, finally on their movie date.*

Bouncer: hey young lady. Do you know this man?

Y/N: oh yes, sir. He is my boyfriend. If you will excuse us, we need to catch a movie.

Bouncer, suspiciously looking at Reid

Reid: SHE IS 25!!!!

Bouncer, suspicious stare intensifies

Reid: she is just short please we are adults

Bouncer:

Reid:

Y/N:

Y/N: here is my ID, sir. We work for the FBI. I am Asian and just really short.

Bouncer: oh okay. Sorry. You can never be sure these days.

Reid: thank you for looking out for other people, though

Bouncer, suspicious stare:

Reid, whispers: wtf

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

love bites, love bleeds

pairing: re6 chris x reader

cw: p in v (unprotected! wrap it before you tap it, folks!), mentions of blood, medical stuff, death, needles, mention of piers :(, brief mentions of body and weight, angsty sex

summary: very vague about how you met chris in fic (but imagining reader was experimented on in china during the events of re6, and is saved by chris), you patch up each other's wounds and then have sex

a/n: in my angsty era (always, mentally, this is what happens when i "write for myself"), also i played re6 not even that long ago but i straight up forget half of what happens so hopefully this makes sense still, and yes, title after the def leppard song 'love bites' (which oddly enough reminds me of my irl father, but we're going to ignore that bc it slaps)

wc: 2.7k

I feel sorry for all the men who died believing in you.

Piers, I feel sorry, too. Chris sighed, fist hitting the wall softer than the last time. 

“I’m sorry. I feel like it’s my fault,” you say.

“It’s not.”

“If you hadn’t stopped to help me, you could’ve-”

“Don’t. This is the job. We’re supposed to protect people.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. He was right, at least in theory, the BSAA’s mission is to stop bio-terrorism, and the agents who go into the field know that they might not come back, but it doesn’t make their lives disposable. They were just as valuable as you. It could’ve been you, maybe should’ve been. Chris lost the last member of his team to save you, a woman he doesn’t even know. 

Once he calmed down a bit, finally taking a seat next to you, you held out your hand, unsure of its use, and said, “I know I’m not… anyone to you, but I owe you my life and if I can do anything to help, I will.”

“Thank you,” he said, grabbing your hand in acknowledgment, “I appreciate your kindness.”

He let go of your hand and stood up. 

“Chris?” You said. 

“Yeah?”

“I meant what I said. I know you’re more experienced in these things than I am, and I don’t know how much help I can be, but at the very least, if you want someone to talk to, I’m here.”

He smiled, small, but real. “Me too,” he said.

You couldn’t tell if it was just a courtesy, but nonetheless, you accepted. 

“We should get out of here,” he said, “Get to some place safer. We can get patched up while we wait for evac to come.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

He held out his hand to help you up and you took it like a promise, a token of friendship. 

Staying in Lanshaing was not an option. Chris was able to get you both to Beijing where it was safer. You found a place to stay the night in a tourist-friendly area, since neither of you spoke any dialect of Chinese. As it turned out, Chinese McDonald’s is different from American McDonald's and quite tasty, especially after not eating for at least 24 hours. Its hours are similar to that of the operating hours in America, though, which was convenient. 

You assumed the language barrier would not be as much of a problem since most of the people in the city spoke quite a bit of English, but somehow your words got lost in translation and you ended up in a hotel room with one bed, rather than two. With all the hotel staff had gone through that day, you felt it would be rude to complain and ask for another room. Chris agreed. All you both wanted was sleep. You’d sleep on the floor if you had to. 

“How about we wash up a bit and then patch you up?”

You stood up—or tried to—limping towards the bathroom to shower. 

“You need help walking?”

“Do you mind?” you asked, holding onto the wall to keep yourself steady. 

“It’s not a problem,” he said, swiftly making his way to your rescue. He let you put your weight on him. He didn’t even break a sweat, and taking one look at his muscular physique, it made sense. You barely weighed anything to him. Especially since you’d been surviving off scraps for the last few weeks.

“Are you able to shower on your own?” he asked. 

“I think so.” Really, you didn’t think so, you just hoped so, feeling awful about the thought of Chris having to wash your naked body after all he’d done for you. Guilt flowed through your veins along with whatever they’d injected you with to stop the infection that tried to take over your body. You didn’t need shame to accompany it. You felt like a middle-schooler again, scrutinizing your acne in the mirror, except the marks on your body were gashes from claws and bruises from a fall you barely survived.

“Okay. I’ll wait out here for you.”

You shut the door, but didn’t lock it, preparing for what you knew was inevitable. You slipped on the tile, knocking over the shampoo and conditioner and making a ruckus. 

“Are you okay?” Chris called, somewhat panicked. 

Hearing you whimper in pain, he opened the door. 

“I’m sorry for barging in, but-”

“It’s okay,” you said with tears in your eyes, “I’m sorry I’m basically helpless on my own.”

Chris helped you up, trying not to touch—or even look—at the most intimate parts of your body. 

“It’s okay to need help. I shouldn’t have let you go in here alone. I just wanted you to have some privacy, but I think I made the wrong call.”

He left out the ‘as usual’ part of the statement, but you could hear it in his tone. He’d lost so many men, some he couldn’t recall the names and faces of, that you were a consolation prize – not even a prize, really, saving your life was something that allowed him to pretend it was worth the sacrifice. You knew, counting the numbers, that you were not worth the sacrifice.

“It’s okay. I hope it’s not too awkward for you.”

“No, no, with the things I’ve seen, a naked woman is not even close to the most gruesome.”

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“It wasn’t supposed to be an insult.”

You tried not to let yourself get flustered. But what else was there to feel? You swore you saw a hint of attraction peek through the grief in his eyes.

“How about I hold you up while you scrub yourself down?”

“Sounds good.”

Your team effort was successful. You were much cleaner than before. Chris grabbed you a towel and wrapped you in it before walking you back into the bedroom to get you patched up. 

“Do you not want to shower first?” you asked.

“No, my mission is to get you to safety, so you’re my priority.”

You felt guilty, but knew Chris well enough by now—even though you’d only met him hours ago—to know that he wouldn’t back down on this one, so you didn’t argue. He refused to acknowledge that his stubbornness was his fatal flaw.

He grabbed an antiseptic and a cloth and said, “This is probably going to hurt a bit, but it’ll just be for a second.”

“Okay,” you said, though you knew your wavering tone made your nerves known. 

He pressed the towel to your skin, being as gentle as possible, but it stung. You winced, unable to control your reaction to the stinging pain.

“You’re doing great,” he reassured you, and it should have gone to your brain or your wounds or your heart, anywhere else than where you felt it. Between your legs.  

Chris wrapped your wounds in gauze and gave you over-the-counter painkillers, the best he could manage. 

Chris was able to shower on his own, and you couldn’t help but be a bit jealous that he got to see you naked, and you didn’t get to see him in the same state. 

You waited for him to come back, sprawled out on the soft duvet, still wearing your towel when he returned. 

“Do you need help treating those wounds?” you asked.

“Not sure. I’m going to try to do it myself, but I’ll let you know.”

“Okay. I’ll be right here. I’ll turn away, though, for privacy.”

“Appreciate it.”

You could hear him grunting in frustration, trying to patch himself up. 

“Are you okay?”

“Any chance you can help me? I’ve got most of it done. There’s just a spot on my back that I can’t reach.”

“Yeah, of course. Mind if I turn around?”

“Yeah, go ahead. I’ve got underwear on, so you don’t have to see anything too graphic.”

“I don’t think looking at a naked man would scare me, but this is probably less awkward.”

He directed you to the spot on his back in question, and you helped him bandage it. 

“Do you have a medical background?”

“No. Why?”

“You’re pretty good at this,” he said as you finished up.

“Thanks. I think it’s all the years I spent taking care of kids. They get a lot of boo-boos.”

“Are you a mom?”

“No, no way, not ready for that yet. I’ve just had jobs as a nanny and a teacher.”

“Saving the world one boo-boo at a time.”

“Well, it’s a little bit easier with them. You just put a bandaid on it and kiss it all better.”

“If only you could kiss it all better.”

“I can try.”

He laughed. “You’re welcome to give it a shot.”

You couldn’t tell if he was flirting back or joking in a friendly manner, but you gave him a kiss over his bandage regardless.

“All better?” you asked. 

“A little, but if you could hand me the Advil, that’d be great.”

You obliged with his request, handing him the bottle. He took two down his through without any liquids to wash it down.

“Do you have any extra clothes?” you asked.

“Unfortunately, no. Do you?”

“No.”

“They might have robes somewhere in here… or we can try to wash your other clothes. It might take awhile, though.”

You sighed. “I think my underwear is the only thing without blood on it.”

Ironic, you thought, considering how often your underwear was the only bloody article on your person. Finally, a pair was spared. 

“Did you leave it in the bathroom?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I was going to go get it for you.”

“Oh, thanks.”

You were a little bit nervous about the idea of Chris holding your used panties, but this was a unique scenario. He returned with a pink thong, which he handed to you, clearly trying not to touch it too much. 

“You act like it’s a biohazard. It’s just panties.”

“I’m not afraid of your panties. I just wanted to be respectful.”

But, Chris, would it really be so disrespectful if you just-? 

You slipped on your underwear casually with a ‘thank you’ thrown his way. 

You were already in the sheets when he came to bed. He climbed in hesitantly, making sure to keep an appropriate distance between the two of you. There could only be so much distance, though, when Chris took up such a significant portion of the bed—he’s a large man, nothing he can do about it. 

You found yourself getting closer to him, until you were breathing in the same air, mouths nearly touching. He captured your lips in a kiss. And you accepted it like a gift. 

“Tell me when to stop,” he said.

“I don’t want you to stop. I wanna forget about everything right now.”

Me, too, he thought.

“Fuck me until I forget,” you said. Fuck me until I forget the fluorescent lights of the lab, fuck me until I forget the man’s face when he tied me down, fuck me until I forget the prick of needles and the smell of death.

Chris laid there, silent, mouth moving, but unable to form words. One of his hands cupped your cheek and the other trailed down your arm—respectfully. You didn’t want it respectfully. You hooked one of your legs between his, entangling yourself while you prompted him to come closer. I want you on top of me. I want your body to encase mine. I want to feel small, weightless for a moment. Fuck me until I forget.

When his hands wrapped around your waist, he noticed how much of you he could fit in only two hands. 

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. Still too respectful. 

“Very. I wouldn’t have asked for something I don’t want.”

He mumbled an affirmation into your neck. He was already kissing you. You felt a scrape of teeth against your skin and received an apology when you gasped. “Sorry. Got carried away.”

“No,” you said, “I want more.”

“I don’t want to leave marks on you.”

“I want you to.” Cover the ones I already have. Fuck me until I forget.

You made the orders in bed. He nipped and sucked at the flesh on your neck and collarbone until you got antsy and pushed his head lower. 

“Relax,” he said. “Do that again and I’ll pin you down.”

“Don’t tempt me.” 

His breath was warm against your skin when he laughed. The sensation trailed down to your breasts. He took one of your nipples in his mouth, flicked his tongue over it, while he used his thumb to play with the other one. The soft suction of his lips had you writhing against the sheets—it was the only thing you can do to avoid moaning. The language barrier didn’t mean shit when it came to sex noises.

Soon, Chris pressed one finger into you, then two. 

You hadn’t shaved in a bit—it wasn’t necessary, nor possible, really, in the past week or so. “Sorry I-” But you were cut off by your own moan when Chris’ lips latched onto your clit. You forgot about the embarrassment you felt over the hair that was growing back when you felt Chris laugh into your core when you moaned. That was far more embarrassing. He came up for air and lazily ran his fingers up and down your folds. 

“Stop teasing me and fuck me already.”

Chris scoffed and stripped himself of his underwear. “Thought I was being nice by getting you wet enough before I fuck you.”

Looking down at your naked body, before lust took over his mind entirely, reason stepped in. 

“Shit—uh, do you have a-”

“I don’t want one anyway.” I want to be full of something other than poison and its antidote.

“Fuck, okay.” He took a sharp inhale of breath. A nagging voice in the back of his brain told him this was a terrible decision, but he was just a man being led by his dick. 

Chris was pushing 40, he hadn’t completely lost his sex drive but he wasn’t a horny teen anymore. It had been a while since he’d been this hard. His dick twitched when he attempted the first thrust inside you, making the head of his cock rub against your clit.

All sex is rough sex when you’re injured. You couldn’t do anything fancier than missionary, but when Chris grabbed your ankles and wrapped your legs around his hips so he could fuck you deeper, you thought you might pass out – for all the right reasons. He sat back on his knees so you could see the bulge in your tummy with every thrust. His tip was pressed firm against your cervix as his palm was on your abdomen. You choked out a sob, all words had left your mind.

Chris cradled your head as he increased the pace of his thrusts, so that your head didn’t hit the headboard, which knocked against the wall behind it. Fuck me until I forget meant temporarily. He wasn’t going to leave you concussed. He knew what amnesia felt like and all it meant was reliving the horrors you’d forgotten.

You’d bled and been bandaged. The pain had mostly subsided, and whatever was left- you cried it all out while you were being pounded into the mattress.

Your screams were echoes from that morning. “Help me!” turned into “Fuck me!”. “Please, I need you, fuck—oh my god—I’m coming” you overwrote the pain with pleasure and the meaning of it all changed. All the panting, groaning, cries of each other’s names, his arms wrapped around your fragile frame as he carried you out into the sunshine before the explosion. The relief and then the realization.

The pounding of your heart at a record rate was reassurance that you were alive. You placed your hand on his chest to make sure he was real and this wasn’t really the afterlife, despite feeling like heaven. You’re alive. Fuck me until I forget everything except for your name, except for your warmth, except for the smell of sex. Shaking and sweating in the corner of a burning building, his steady hands lifting your tiny body. Trembling legs as your orgasm approached in the comfort of a hotel bed in Beijing. You screamed his name to let everyone know of the man who saved your life.

You held each other in grateful silence.

[sanddollarpoems]

I left my job in May. It wasn't a decision I had been planning to make. I may not have loved my job, but it was a paycheck, and I didn't have anything else lined up. The worst thing about my job was navigating my unhinged boss' mod swings. One day, I would be her favorite employee, showered with praise and compliments. But then, like a switch had been flipped, the next day, she would find fault in everything I did. She would verbally berate me and make me wonder if I was actually a terrible employee. This bizarre behavior was starting to leave stress marks on my life. I hated the days that she was in the office, and I was terrified any time she would come to talk to me. I didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it.

It ended one day when she called me into her office.

"I'm writing you up." She said it almost smugly. I tried to hide the shock and horror on my face. Write me up for what??

I remained professional and calm, trying to keep my mind clear on everything she was saying. There was a vague "isn't living up to work expectations" and a comical "overly social" (my work responsibilities required me to be very outgoing). She even threw in something from months ago that had already been resolved. None of it was legit.

I went home, and my shock turned to anger. I've always been an extremely hard worker, dedicated, professional, and kind. This wasn't my fault. But being targeted in such a way by my direct boss felt like total betrayal. When I shared it with my friends, they all agreed that she was just doing the paperwork to eventually fire me. They said I should stay and let her play out her plan so that I could sue the company for wrongful termination. I wanted to do that. It sounded so vengeful. But the thought of letting that woman continue to abuse me was more than I could do. Instead, I wrote my resignation letter and turned it in the very next day. I worked out my two weeks, not because I had to, since it was an "at will" company. But I've always given two weeks everywhere I've worked, and I wanted to keep my own standards. It was a painfully long two weeks.

I want to say that I left and never looked back, but the truth is, the words she said to me still hurt. There's still a part of me that wonders if she was right. There's still a feeling of insecurity and fear that I'm actually a failure. I think the hardest part was that there was still that similarity between her and my mother. The way she made me feel so worthless and weak felt too familiar. Perhaps that's why it's so hard to shake.

I have taken the opportunity to go back to school and finish up my degree at last. I know the right job will show up at the right time. I can feel that providence in my life. A part of me is scared. I keep thinking about the chance of getting another boss who gaslights and abuses me. After fighting to get where I am now, I won't take that anymore. I want to find a way to prove to myself that I can make my own success without risking my emotional safety. I need to have a reason to say, "See? She was mentally ill and cruel. I am really good at this. She was a liar."

She was a liar.

[every-single-day]

Outsiders 6/2 Recap Yap!

Probably spoilers

- I quite literally cannot get over how INSANE the sound design and lighting design are. Like, I can’t even express my thoughts about it. I wish they could have gotten 5 of each of those Tony’s. Absolutely insane.

- idk if this is how it normally plays out, but Brody didn’t catch two-bit’s keys in Grease Got a Hold and started hitting the floor in anger I was crying

- I was not prepared for how FUNNY this show is !!!!! Every single joke lands and my god there are so many

- LIGHTING DESIGN IN GREAT EXPECTATIONS HNNNNNNNNNNG

- Pony and Johnny’s Danny Zuko ass walks when they go to sit with Cherri and Marcia took me OUTTTTTTT

- “I’m quite an artistic person actually.”

- WHY DID THEY VILLAINIZE DARRY SO HARD???? I know I just asked for Darry angst BUT I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT

- Darry still my favorite character idc

- it would be easier to count the actual similarities between the book and the musical than it would be to count the differences atp but y’know I’m not really mad about them. Adam Rapp ate.

- the only change I don’t like is that Pony doesn’t miss his curfew because he and Johnny fell asleep in the lot :( I feel like that’s a pretty essential scene for understanding the depth of their friendship / Johnny’s mental state

- Brody’s mic got FUCKED after the fountain scene he didn’t have full sound until his last 3 words in Run Run Brother

- THE FIGHT CHOREO?!?!?!?

- I see what Jason meant now when he said they changed everything to match the language of the rumble. Wow.

- they really went in on the whole “everything is Ponyboy’s fault” thing damn let my baby breathe

- the way it goes AHHHHH FIRE PONY JOHNNY DALLY NOOOOOO 🔥🔥 and then very abruptly to “Well I woke up this morning 😁” is kinda jarring ngl

- no Curtis brothers reunion 😠

- the applause after the rumble was CRAZY. 30 seconds of cheering and clapping in pitch black darkness.

- Cherri went to visit Johnny in the hospital??? The musical really saves her character I love that for her

- Joshua fucking Boone. I sat there unmoving (was I breathing?) for a solid 5 minutes after Little Brother. I didn’t know what to do.

- I didn’t cry???? Like at all???? I think I was, and lowkey still am, in a state of shock

- YO SODA IS SO FUNNY

- met the whole cast at SD 😀 (except Emma, Sky, and Renni they were out)

- I LOVE YOU BRENT COMER

- Brent’s sharpie ran out of ink and the lady next to me offered to give him hers and he went “😏 i meannnnn I’m not gonna say NO”

- told Jason Schmidt he changed my life when he dropped “chilling in the dressing room” and he started dying laughing and said it changed his life too

- I MADE JASON SCHMIDT LAUGH

- KWP’s teeth are so perfect but he actually terrifies me

- Josh and Rj are so so sweet

- I was the only person in my section who knew Rj (at least by name) and he was so honored and started asking about my day and stuff 😭 then I ran into him again after SD and we talked more and took a super cute pic ugh I love him

- Joshua Boone and I had a spiritual “only black people in the room” connection and when I tell yall we had a MOMENT !!!! I love that man

- I literally saw Brodington Grantifer. With my own two eyes. 10 feet away from me. We made eye contact for half a second. (And then he got manhandled because people are shit and don’t understand how to respect boundaries.)

I probably have more thoughts but those can be posted later when/if I remember them

[huffle-dork]

Glitch into the Hufflverse Chapter 9: Darker Seas

Read Swapboys | Read Crystal’s AUs | Read Septnautical | Darker Seas AU

Read SITCV | Read SATCV | GITHV Masterpost

Schneep, JJ and Anti have been swimming for a while. But finally, they seem to enter a new area. It’s filled with floating balls of glowing blue, caught in net like substances that keep them from floating completely off the sea floor. It’s dark down here and kinda chilly.

Wish you could see this place, Schneep, JJ says. It truly is fantastical.

Schneep sighs. "I am starting to get tired of hearing that."

Oh. Sorry.

"No, it is not your fault. Just keep to objective descriptions, yes?"

They swim through large trenches of dark stone, keeping low and towards the rocks. Then, Anti suddenly turns and starts to head down a seemingly random dark hole.

JJ blinks in surprise as Anti chooses this hole, of all of them. Watch your head, he says as he follows Anti through.

"Watching," Schneep says, swimming after the two of them, tendrils outstretched to keep track of the walls of the tunnel.

Anti hurries through and soon enough they enter a huge cavern with even more of those floating blue pods. It’s even darker here though, the glowing pods being the only real source of illumination besides the boys’ bioluminescence. There’s the sound of eerie clicking and screeches in the distance. “…stay close- lots of crabsquids here… but we’re almost there.” Anti says.

Schneep frowns. “I do not like those clicking sounds…” JJ reaches out and holds his hand.

“Yeah the clicking is the crabsquids… they’re more threats to the human subs and shit but.. still not pleasant to deal with. And they taste terrible too.” Anti grumbles. 

Curious bright rays swim through the dim water- similar to JJ’s color and shape but they have longer tendril-like wings and a long flowing tail. They make high pitched song-like cries as they circle through the water.

“Oh, those sounds are better though!” Schneep perks up a little.

JJ laughs. They look a bit like me, but with tendrils for wings.

“Interesting.”

Finally, the darkness recedes a bit to show a dark blue colored base hidden amongst the rough tall stones on the sea floor.

There’s movement and then a familiar face to the other boys shows up. It’s Zara. She’s in a darker version of her suit- her hair chopped short and a very stark scar on her cheek like she’s been raked with claws. But, she grins as she sees Anti. “Anti hey! Did hunting go alright? We were wondering-“ then she stops herself as she takes in the sight of the other hybrids. “…woah w-what?”

“…long story.” Anti says quietly, gripping the bag on his shoulder. “…rather explain it all to Danan and Google all at once. …these guys say they want your help though.”

Zara looks surprised by this, “..r-really?”

JJ nods. It’s nice to see you, he signs, the robot translating his words. My name is JJ, and this is Schneep.

Zara’s eyes shine at seeing the robot, “woahhh! That’s some really cool tech…!” She whispers. 

Schneep nods. “We are, ah… Anti is right, it might be best to explain everything with everyone there. But basically, we are from far away, and when we arrived here the hybrids took three of our friends.”

Zara shakes out her head and nods, gesturing to follow. “y-yeah of course… follow me.”

She dives down towards the base and Anti swoops down after her. JJ and Schneep glance at each other before also following.

Unlike the last base- this one doesn’t have a lot of attachments or tunnels. There’s a few but… not a lot. Only a few large rooms and no windows- bordered up with dark tints and very little light on the outside.

Zara swims to a bulk head door and knocks something on the metal. A pattern. There’s a pause and then a man opens the door just peeking through, his eyes glowing bright blue. He looks startled slightly then says in a rough voice. “Zara what is..?”

“Anti brought them… and you know he’s trustworthy.” Zara says shortly.

There’s a pause and then the man opens the door. He’s about average height, long messy black hair cut about shoulder length. And unusual robotic eyes shine behind glasses. “…Danan is in the lab.” He says simply then swims down the flooded hall. Zara looks at the others then follows. Anti sighs and follows.

“That’s Tillman… but he asks everyone to call him Google.” Zara says quietly. “…it’s what his brother used to call him.”

Anti is quiet at this, though his face looks a bit pained. Soon enough Google stops and opens another hatch to go inside.

The two of them trail behind the others. Schneep frowns. He leans over to JJ and mutters, “We did not see him last time, did we?”

JJ shakes his head. This whole place is giving him a bad feeling. A dreadful feeling. This place is so small… and Zara’s comment about what Tillman’s brother ‘used’ to do isn’t going unnoticed. He just knows something bad happened here.

Inside is a sparsely filled lab space with a few fabricators, though some look damaged. There’s some energy converters and a small aquarium that’s currently empty except for plants. The boys recognize the face of Dr. Danan as she concentrates on trying to fix one of the fabricators.

She blinks up at the approaching figures and smiles tightly. She looks a lot more worn down and tired then she did before. She floats over to meet Anti. “Anti! Good I was getting worried… what were you able to find?”

Anti takes off his bag and hands it to Danan. “…a few med kits… a couple bladderfishes, a couple good fish from the shallows… I think there’s a nutrient pack in there too…”

Danan busies herself with looking and nods. “Okay… w-we can work with this… S-Stacy is sick and the kids are not looking great either… but this should… should help. Thank you.”

“…sorry I wanted to get more but… I ran into complications…” Anti mutters, flicking his tails, one nudging Danan to look up. She does and then her eyes widen at seeing JJ and Schneep. “…o-oh my stars…!”

JJ waves, trying to look friendly.

"Hello there," Schneep says. "I imagine this is quite a shock for you. Let me explain quickly. My name is Schneep, and this is JJ. Us and three friends suddenly arrived here, and got attacked by those other hybrids. A-Anti has told us about them and Alterra. O-our three friends were caught by them."

JJ nods in agreement. We need to get them back. We need to get home.

Danan’s eyes widen and looks at Anti, “…j-just like…”

“Yeah.” Anti says shortly. “…looks like him too. T-thought it was a sick clone joke but… I don’t think it is. Marv tried to capture them too.”

Danan looks even more surprised. “I… I don’t understand… you have… other hybrid friends?”

“Yeah,” Zara snorts, “I thought they were culling their hybrids. Getting rid of the mindless defective ones. So their fucking pets get their enrichment-”

Anti growls and glares at Zara, “Don’t call them that!”

Zara blinks and then slinks back, gripping her arm. “…sorry Anti I… sorry..”

“What do you mean by home?” Google speaks up, narrowing his eyes. “Alterra has prohibited any unauthorized entry or exit of the planet until they’ve… perfected the hybrid project. So… either you’re from the other bases but… we haven’t had much contact with anyone else lately… and they… only HQ makes the hybrids.”

"Well... what if we were to tell you that we were not from this planet?" Schneep says slowly. "What if we were to tell you that we're from another universe?"

Four different universes, actually, between the five of us, JJ says. Places where things like THIS are possible. He holds his hands up, conjuring a little light show with his magic.

"It sounds incredible, but I promise you, it is true," Schneep says. "The reason we look like the hybrids you know is because we are them, from some other branch of the multiverse. We've been hopping through a couple universes, actually. The last one we were in... was much like this one. Only, the hybrids were not under Alterra's control. None of them."

I know it's unbelievable, but this is not a joke, JJ says, looking very serious.

Everyone’s eyes widen.

“T-That’s possible?” Zara breathes.

“I-I’ve heard of theories but…!” Danan whispers.

Anti zooms up to Schneep and JJ, his eyes wide and desperate. “…t-there’s a world where my… my brothers are safe? Where they’re free?” his voice chokes up at the end, pin pricks of tears in his eyes.

Schneep instinctively swims backwards, but JJ stays where he is and nods. Yes. In fact, I remember them saying that YOU had been caught by Alterra for a while. But they rescued you. And in that world, you're all safe... or, as safe as you can be.

Tears freely fall from Anti’s eyes now as he looks to JJ with a sad expression- but there seems to be the lingering of hope behind his eyes. “…they can be saved…?” he breathes.

"Th-this is why it's so important that we find our friends," Schneep says. "We are not supposed to be here. Th-they all have lives—friends and jobs and families—to get back to." He shakes his head. "I-I know it will be difficult, but we need to find them. And if... Alterra has done anything to them, we have to figure out how to undo it. I-I'm sure you have been working on something like that, even if you haven't been able to do anything yet. Yes? Perhaps with our more unique abilities, we can help."

Danan, Zara and Google all share glances. Zara then grips her arms and looks away, “…my brother is the reason this fucked up process exists… we found WH- …Marvin… I-in the lost river and I’m good with tech and biology and so I… I got Zeke some scans. Marvin was hurting… and I thought we were gonna help him. But… zeke had worse plans. He took my blueprints and made those awful masks and worked with Demerci to make those chips and…”

“…they all got captured… one by one…” Anti says quietly, “…they waited until they found me to test it completely… I saw it happen. I saw them shock the memories out of my brothers until they were all unrecognizable. They don’t even remember their names… or me.” Anti glances briefly at JJ and Schneep, “…they probably did that to your friends..  I.. I’m sorry.”

“Of course we’ve been trying to figure out a way to free them…” Danan says miserably, “I… I helped to raise them. I watched them grow and explore the ocean and… I-i thought Alterra would move on from them… m-maybe leave them alone,.. but I was wrong…”

“They still have Jack too..,” Anti whimpers.

“… we think interfering with their ear chips or their masks if they have them might disrupt the mind control signal the Alterans are using. The technology is based on hive minds found on other planets… but with WH-005’s ability to warp in aid and CH-007’s ability to control the wildlife and.. and the other two's ferocity and speed… we haven’t been able to try.” Google explains.

All this technical talk goes over JJ's head, but Schneep nods slowly, parsing out what he hears. JJ winces. Memories can't be gotten rid of—only suppressed. His signs are slow, and there's a slight desperate expression on his face. I'm sure that there's some way...

Anti’s eyes widen, “…really…? They… they might still remember?” He pauses. “…I can’t hurt them,” He says, digging his claws into his shoulders, “… I know they wouldn’t want to be doing this so I… I can’t. If I fight them I could… I.. I’m too dangerous to be around them…”

“And Anti’s the only one who can even get close to them…” Zara says sadly, “…O-Ollie and Lizzie tried but…”

Google shuts his eyes with a pained look, quickly looking away.

JJ winces. I'm... sorry for your losses. He can't believe that the same kind people they met in the last world did something like that.

"Ear chips and masks..." Schneep repeats absentmindedly. "JJ, did the hybrids all have something like that?"

I think so? I didn't get close enough to Henrik or Jackie to check their ears, but they must have, JJ says.

"So... we must interfere with the signal somehow..." Schneep says slowly. His tail and tendrils whip around, eyes darting randomly as he thinks. "Do you know any magic that might be able to do that?"

I try to stay away from mind magic, but... I could try? JJ suggests. There has to be something about magic against technology.

"I think if they have been caught, you will have to be the one trying to get their chips out," Schneep says. "I will not be able to find something as small as an ear chip—not quickly enough, at least. I can distract them in the meantime. I'm sure that even if they pin me down, I can jump out."

What if they catch you? JJ says, worried. What if they hurt you?

"I can probably jump out," Schneep mutters. "And if I get hurt... well, you'll have to conserve your magic, then."

JJ still looks worried.

“I’m sorry we’ve never heard of… actual magic before. Only ancient stories from our ancestors on earth…” Danan says. “but.. if you all have a power Alterra doesn’t… there could be a chance…”

JJ nods. Magic isn't even well-known where I come from. But yes, it seems like this world doesn't have any. They won't be prepared.

“In the mean time…” Google says slowly, “we are all well hidden here… they haven’t found us yet. We don’t have much for food but… we can at least give you a place to rest and prepare.”

"We would really appreciate a place to rest," Schneep says.

Zara fidgets with her hands and glances about, “…I’ve been trying to work on something… s-something that could possibly affect the chips but it’s still very experimental and I’m a good fighter but.. “ she touches her cheek and shudders, “… I had a bad run in with RL-006… I… I haven’t been able to swim as well since then… but… maybe if you all and anti and me work together-?”

“M-Me?” Anti looks up at Zara and then swims back. “N-No way. I… I’m not getting involved in this anymore than I have!”

You don't have to participate if you don't want to, Anti, JJ says. I’m sure it's difficult for you.

"But at the same time, you would be a good help," Schneep says. "Any combat experience would be helpful."

JJ nudges him.

"What? It is true. I am good, but there will be a lot of them! And I will remind you, I cannot fucking see."

Anti holds his arms and suppresses a shiver. “…Alterra wants me too. Keep telling me they n-need the complete ‘set’. I-If I expose myself to them then I… I…”

“You can’t see?!” Zara shouts in disbelief. “Oh god… that’s- this must be sooo confusing for you. …and strange because uh.. I’m guessing you’re supposed to be SH-003 based on your face and accent but he definitely can see…”

“…he used to need goggles. Like Google.” Anti mumbles.

Schneep laughs. "Oh, so confusing. But yes, I am blind. I used to be able to see, but there was an... incident. And this was the result."

Do you want to talk about that? JJ asks.

"No. Not yet." Schneep shakes his head.

Danan looks at the boys kindly and tries to smile. “Please… rest here as long as you need… I wish we could give you more to prepare but…”

“I-I’ll… I’ll get more food. I won’t leave the reef.” Anti says shortly and then swims towards the tube at the top of this room.

“…give him time… I.. I know he cares, deep down.” Danan says gently. “I can tell he’s worried about your friends… but he’s been through so much with what happened to his brothers…”  

No no, we understand, JJ says. Us and our friends have been through a lot, too.

“We’ll help though…” Zara says, anger burning in her eyes, “…I c-couldn’t help to save the boys before but I… I can help now. I can make sure Alterra doesn’t keep taking away the people we care about.”

"Thank you," Schneep whispers to Zara.

There’s a beat then Google asks in a monotone, “…do you all need… beds? Or a… a nest?” He looks confused. “…I don’t know what hybrids sleep on… Anti sleeps on anything.”

“Especially if it’s warm,” Zara laughs. “Like a cat on a heating pad.”

JJ and Schneep glance at each other. Do you think we should change back? JJ asks.

"Well, this place is mostly underwater, so this is certainly more convenient." Schneep absentmindedly touches the bracelet on his wrist. "If we have to move quickly, this would be better."

That's fair. Then... where do we sleep?

Schneep shrugs. "Somewhere to curl up, I suppose? Somewhere soft."

JJ tilts his head. Yes... that feels right, somehow. I have the strangest urge to find some small space and squeeze in.

Schneep laughs.

“Hybrids usually do find themselves compelled to act on their mother species instincts,” Danan laughs lightly. “…Chase used to sing. Henrik collected scrap and made piles…” she cuts herself off, her voice getting a bit choked up. “…d-do whatever you need to make yourselves comfortable.”

“I think there’s some extra dock leaves around… let me get you a pile. Or… maybe some extra blankets.” Google says as he floats back out into the hallway.

JJ nods. Some blankets would be great.

“You said…Change… back, Schneep?” Zara asks with a tilt of her head. “What do you mean by that?”

"Ah... the changing back is complicated," Schneep says. "Let's just say that, in our worlds, we can be human."

Zara and Danan’s jaws drop.

“I.. I haven’t heard of something like that…!” Danan stammers. “I mean of course you’re half human with the DNA but…”

“You can change just like that?! To a human??” Zara gasps.

Well we have to be on land to do it, JJ says. We can't do it in the water. It's these bracelets that help us do that. He indicates his wrist. Our friend Alt made them. He's... one of the ones who got taken.

"These bracelets are surprisingly secure," Schneep mutters. Then his eyes widen. "Ah! W-we should probably talk about our friends, yes? Just—just in case."

JJ nods. Alt, Bro, and Jackie. Alt has magic like me, but more electricity based. Bro is super strong. Jackie... seems fairly normal. Normal in terms of hybrids, I mean.

“That’s… that’s insane…!” Zara laughs breathlessly. “God… Alterra would kill for tech like that…” but her face falls hearing the name Jackie and she swallows shakily.

"What are the names of their fish species...?" Schneep's brows furrow. "Alt is some sort of electric eel, Bro is a shark of some kind, heavy armor, and Jackie is something from a different crater—something called a chelicerate."

JJ raises an eyebrow. You don't remember amp-eel or bone-shark but you remember that long word?

"It comes from the scientific word for that sort of sea crab species."

Danan’s eyes widen, “A chelicerate? Outside of sector zero?? …those are all hybrids Alterra hadn’t attempted to make a stable version of yet… n-no wonder Alterra took an interest in them…”

Google swims back in with a bundle of plush comforter type blankets and sets them down in a corner. “There… I hope that is enough. It was all I could find.”

JJ smiles. Thank you, sir. I think this will be enough.

Schneep swims over, feeling out the blankets. "Oh! Oh, soft. Soooooft." He grins, settling down on the blankets, his eyes turning yellow for a brief moment.

JJ laughs. Save some for me!

"Oh, right, of course." Schneep gets up and starts separating the blankets out.

Danan laughs a bit at Schneep’s response to the blankets. “Get as much rest as you need. We will be around if you need anything.”

JJ looks at the humans in the room. Thank you all so much for your help. And tell Anti thank you too if you see him before we do. You're all so kind, and so brave.

Zara looks touched. “…thanks JJ. I.. I’m gonna try to see if I can improve my device! Maybe it can help you…” she quickly swims out.

Google gives them a slight smile, his lip just barely curling up. “It’s no problem. Give them hell if you can. … for Ollie.”

"We will," Schneep promises, facing Google. "And thank you some more."

“Anti should be back soon… try to rest until then okay?” Danan smiles and her and Google head out.

After the humans leave, JJ settles down to rest as well, pulling some of the blankets over himself. He makes a strange ghostly noise in his throat—which he doesn't mean to do, but immediately regrets as soon as it happens. He rubs his throat, frowning.

"Was that you?" Schneep asks, amused.

Yes. I didn't know I could do that. JJ pauses. Maybe... being in this form so long is affecting us. Back home, a danger of animal transformation is becoming the animal for real.

Schneep frowns. "Well, we are not fully animal. We will... probably just have some strange reactions. It will be fine."

I suppose you're right, JJ says. Well... good night?

"Good night." Schneep settles down on top of the blankets, curling his tail up. "We should sleep well. Tomorrow... I'm sure we'll need the rest."

And it's been a long day, too, JJ says. Good night, he says again, then closes his eyes.

The two of them try to sleep, and slowly, despite their worries, they drift off.

=========

Meanwhile, even as the sun sets on the surface and the ocean turns dark- the new Alteran weapons are trying to sniff out their prey.

“How are we supposed to find these guys anyways?” BS-8 growls, “we don’t know what they look like!”

AE-10’s speaker sounds off, “SD… he is a sea dragon.” he says shortly.

“Oh… well. One of them we know at least. Did they even tell us what the other hybrids looked like?”

CE-9 shakes his head. "No. They didn't. But—they won't be under Alterra control. They'll probably run when they see us." He grins. "And we'll chase them."

“Yess! That’ll be such a thrill!” BS-8 grins too, showing off his sharp teeth.

“…they are most likely hiding…” AE-10 says, “Which means running to them out in the open is unlikely…”

"Right, of course. Hiding, hiding, hiding." CE-9 starts swimming in circles for a moment. "Hiding... where would prey hide? Maybe—maybe deep down. Can we go deep down? Let's go deep down. We need to find a way." He starts diving.

BS-8’s eyes flash and he grins. “Yeah yeah!!” He quickly dives after CE-9.

AE-10 seems to regard them with a bit of annoyance but glitches to catch up. He shakes himself out as electricity courses along his tail in response. “…I suppose that is logical… they were in the… kelp forest.” His gaze becomes unfocused for a second as if processing information then he nods. “If they found a way underground… that leads to the grand reef. Northwards-”

"Northwards," CE-9 repeats, changing direction. He knows which way is north instinctively. "Grand reef? Reef..." He shakes his head. The word isn't familiar to him. This whole environment seems strange to him, actually, but it doesn't matter, does it? There is still prey here to find.

“Correct. Though it is night, now. They could be sleeping. Which will make detection harder.” AE-10 replies.

BS-8 snorts and bares his teeth. “I don’t like just lookin’ I wanna tear something’ up. I’m fucking starving.” He hears a call up above and grins as he sees a large looming creature, long floating tentacles dangling behind it. Spots of green glow underneath it in small clusters. “Ohhh! Think we could kill that??”

CE-9 also starts drifting up towards the creature. He could take that. He knows he can.

“Not advisable BS-8.” AE-10 drones, “Please stay focused.”

“But I’m hungryyy AE!” BS-8 whines.

CE-9 frowns at AE-10 as well. But he's right. They have to stay focused. Even so. "We need to eat, we need to eat to swim," he says, twitching a little. He looks around. "Small things, maybe? Anything. They'll be fast, good practice for fast things."

Oooo, what about that fish with a big eye? CE-9's lock onto it. His throat rumbles with the beginning of a roar.

“…fine. Don’t stray too far.” AE-10 drones.

“Don’t you wanna join AE?” BS-8 asks.

“My mask prevents me. I will get fuel when we return successfully.” AE answers. BS shrugs then grins at CE-9, “Let’s see how many we can kill!”

Then he rockets down into the trench below them, darting out to try to catch the peepers.

They are over a large expanse of ocean that looks very sparse except these trenches and spots of glowing flora. Peepers and Reginalds float around though, good source of food.

It doesn’t look like they’re too far from the grand reef though- there’s spots of glowing blue up ahead.

…and it looks like they’re not the only large creatures attempting to hunt here. Though that is strange.. this place looks pretty barren. It’s hard to see what kind of creature it is through the dense fog- but it does seem to have multiple tails.

CE-9 lunges at one of  the peepers, catching it in his arm and immediately biting into its flesh. Once he's done tearing it apart, he looks up, and catches the sight of some tails flicking through the fog. He grins. And instantly charges that way, letting out a screeching roar.

The creature stiffens and then cries out in surprise as he’s suddenly tackled to the sea bed by CE-9. This hybrid has dark green hair and black sclera- kinda like AE-10. He’s got green scales and sharp teeth and claws. He looks like he’ll make a fun fight.

The hybrid’s breath hitches, especially once he notices the gauges on CE-9’s ears. “N-No!”

He panics and then opens his mouth, trying to hit CE with a fireball.

CE-9 shrieks and jerks backwards, trying to shake off the burning fire, unintentionally freeing the hybrid in the process. He shakes his head--and then realizes what just happened. That's not normal prey. That's the target. "Sea dragon!" he gasps. "SD-4!"

Anti looks absolutely terrified and quickly tries to kick up sand with his tails to temporarily blind CE-9 to try to escape.

Meanwhile, AE-10’s head snaps down to see the target and CE. He stiffens getting a message from WH-5, who’s still watching them, in his head. ‘Thats the target. Do not let him get away. Do not fail.’ Yellow pulses in AE’s eyes as he nods and calls out. “BS! We found him!”

BS-8 looks up from where he’s caught a peeper in his mouth, yellow blood sprayed around his face, slowly chewing. He spits out the rest then grins and starts to give chase. AE-10 follows close after, charging up electricity in his hands.

CE-9 closes his eyes and charges forward, grabbing onto Anti, trying to pin him down. He glances back at the others. Have to secure the target! Don't let go, don't let go!

Anti yells out and quickly slips his tails out of CE-9’s grip and tries to scramble away. He quickly breathes out another fireball at CE in his scramble.

BS-8 soars after him but is having trouble keeping up.

AE-10 tries to throw out blasts of his magic but misses as Anti serpentines out of the way. He hurriedly swims north towards the reef, making sure he still has his bag.

CE-9 screeches, letting go and clawing at the space where the fireball hit. Not burning! Not burning! Anything but burning! He drops down to the floor of the sea and rolls in the sand for a bit until he doesn't feel the pain anymore. Then he gets up again, breathing heavily, and darts after Anti, letting out another roar.

BS-8 hears CE-9’s distress and looks back, going up to swim next to him. “You okay CE?”

"Fine!" CE-9 snaps. "Let's go!" He snarls ferally and keeps swimming, determinedly charging forward after Anti.

“Right!” BS-8 grins, his eyes flashing brighter. He hurries after them too. 

AE is still trying to get closer, glitching to get further down and trying to blast SD-4 off course. But the sea dragon knows this area better than them- he’s darting behind rocks and places the others aren’t prepared for. AE finally manages to glitch close to Anti to blast an electric ball right into his side. Anti screeches and crashes into a rocky wall, momentarily disoriented.

“Don’t resist, SD-004.” AE-10 growls out, “Capturing you will prove our worth to Alterra. We will not fail.”

Anti spits out sand and glares at AE. “T-they don’t give a single shit about you! J-just leave me alone!”

CE-9 catches up, growling down at Anti. He lunges forward, trying to grab him again, screeching so loudly that it's disorienting.

Anti yells and curls up to try cover his ears, then whips out one of his tails to wrap around CE’s tail and throws him back into the rock before darting away again.

"Ah!" CE-9 wasn't expecting that. He hesitates for a moment, then shakes himself off and lauches himself forward again, mandibles outstretched.

BS-8 shrieks and tries to follow Anti hot on his tail. AE-10 tries to glitch after them.

CE-9’s mandibles catch onto Anti’s tail and pulls him back and Anti screams in fear. “No- no!!” CE-9 growls. He looks back at the others as he tries to pull Anti closer—but that moment of distraction is enough for Anti to wriggle free again, at the cost of scraping his tail on the serrated ends of CE-9's mandibles. Orange blood flies into the air. CE-9 screeches in anger.

Anti hurries away as fast as he can- but a trail of blood follows him through the water.

AE-10 manages to tackle Anti to the ground and pins him down, “WH-5! We need a warp!”

Blue and purple blooms bright behind AE and Anti and Anti sees a flash of familiar pink eyes. He panics and throws AE-10 back and WH and AE crash into each other in a heap. Sparse electricity crackles from AE’s tail and mildly shocks WH and the warp gate crackles with green before bursting into bubbles. WH makes a confused screech and- his blue eyes show through the pink, looking confused.

Anti watches this with wide eyes and hesitates- then he quickly tries to dart away while eveyone is distracted.

AE tries to glitch after him- only causing WH more distress as his body momentarily glitches too.

CE-9 stares at AE and WH in shock for a moment, a little scared of what he sees. But then he remembers the target is getting away. He screeches and swims after Anti, but he has a head start. Even CE-9's charging speed isn't enough to close the distance. BS-9 also stares at AE in confusion but tries to dart out after Anti, nipping at his tail. Then Anti manages to throw sand in their faces again before he slips down into a tunnel and disappears from sight. 

WH-5 pushes AE-10 off of him and swims away, looking at him with wide eyes. “T-That was Anti- I… y-you…!” He sounds more emotional than anyone had heard him so far. He opens up his palm to try to make another wrap gate but then his hands crackles with green lightning and he makes a muffled shout, holding his hand. “I-I can’t warp?! What did you do to me?!”

AE-10 trembles back, something flickering in his eyes. Why does this feel so familiar? … this hasn’t happened before right?

"Anti?" CE-9 repeats, looking back at WH-5. Why does that name... make him feel both angry and fond at the same time? He's never heard that name. CE-9 shakes it off and swims over to the tunnel opening. Anti isn't in sight. They lost him. He growls in anger, then swims back to WH and AE. "What happened?! What do we do?!" The electricity seems dangerous, but he starts to reach out anyway. "Wh-what do we do?!" They need—they need direction. Direction of some kind.

“Why am I here?!” Marvin says with a trembling static voice. “W-What is this thing on me?!” He tries to pull at his mask- but it’s stuck on tight.

AE-10 tries to swim up and hold out hands towards WH-5, “Calm down WH!”

“My name is Marvi-!” The warper tries to screech before he suddenly stiffens as a shock goes through his gauges. He then slumps to the ground, head bent over his chest.

CE-9 backs up, suddenly strangely scared upon seeing WH-5's breakdown.

BS-8 swims back towards the group and looks at WH-5 with wide eyes. “W-What happened?!”

Then, all their gauges crackle with static as Demerci’s voice echoes in their minds. ‘Let this be an example of what happens to failures, Hybrids…’

The threat lingers in the air before WH-005 stiffly and robotically sits up, his eyes pink again. He floats up, regarding the other hybrids emotionlessly once more. “…that was a momentary setback. We can still find SD-004. He can’t have gotten far.”

“What will you do without your warps, sir?” AE-10 says quietly.

“We will make do until my powers are fully functional again.”

It's... nothing. It's nothing. CE-9 shakes his head. "Yes. Of course. Surely this is temporary." He turns back to the tunnel Anti went down. "The target went that way. Should we follow directly, or try to circle around?"

“Directly. You injured him. We can follow the scent of his blood.” WH-5 drones and starts swimming forward. “BS-8, CE-9, show me where SD-4 escaped.”

AE-10 hesitates then follows shortly after.

“I didn’t see which way for sure…” BS-8 says quietly, “I-I think CE-9 saw where he went exactly.”

"Yes, down here." CE-9 hovers at the mouth of the tunnel. Once everyone is over, he dives down into the tunnel. "Where does this lead?"

“Presumedly towards the Deep Grand Reef.” WH-5 says and starts to swim through after CE. AE-10 and BS-8 follow close behind. “Either his nest is here or..  we’re on the scent of the rebels.”

[torakan]

PART THREE

it’s a bit short, but i’ll try to post the next one soonish ^^

part two

I didn’t really hesitate out there, to be completely honest. My goal was to satisfy my curiosity as fast as possible and if feasible, avoid troubles, so I just went straight to the box and took the paper, trying to hold my saliva inside. That piece of chocolate still smelled pretty damn good… so with no thoughts about food I took that note and, collecting all the knowledge I had about letters and spelling, I read: “I’m sorry I saw you. Hope ur okay now. This is for you.”

An apology? That thing was for me? And now he’s been hoping that I was okay? Are you freaking serious? That was creepy… nice, but still very creepy. Even now I couldn’t stop myself from comparing what I heard about humans before with everything that was happening to me at this very moment and it was… actually, yeah, it was nice. A thought crossed my mind: maybe it was a trap? Maybe this bean was trying to make me think I’m safe, but in fact he just needed me to let my guard down? But then what? Would he catch me and expose me to the local news? And after that humans would’ve been aware of our existence, and it would’ve been completely my fault. Or perhaps he wanted to keep me as his pet? Not a much better option, but I still would’ve preferred this to being a traitor.

I caught myself on overthinking again and shook my head. This was one of the flaws I had and needed to work on – less thinking, more acting. And I don’t mean like not to think at all, which even if I wanted to I could not have ever… nevermind.

With that, I thought to fuck all my thoughts and do what my gut feeling tells me to. You know, a borrower may not be as academically smart or whatever as human, if only he’s not interested in educating himself, but our intuition truly never fails. I opened my handmade bag (I am pretty proud to tell you all that I made it myself and it was the second thing that I’ve sewed in my life) and took a pencil lead I once found abandoned on the guy’s desk and a piece of paper, similar to the one he left, but a bit more worn out. I didn’t really care though as long as the human was able to read what I wrote.

When I was a child, my dad and older brother both tried to teach me how to write, but I wasn’t the plodding type of kid, and it was always more fun to wander around running my mom’s errands or looking for ass adventures. I did manage to remember how to write some words, so here is how my response turned out: “I m fine dont wory. Please dont tell other beans about me. And dont bother. Rules.”

I was quite fond of it even though my handwriting looked a bit unsteady, but I did it. There wasn’t enough space to write everything I wanted, but I thought it was understandable. If anything, the guy didn’t seem stupid to me, so he should get it.

To be completely honest, I was filled with anxiety the moment I looked at everything that was going on at that moment. However, it was already too late to chicken out, so I just put both papers back with strongly shaking hands and hurried to vanish from there as quickly as possible. The human had already left the kitchen, and I could hear the sound of the water flowing in the bathroom, so I assumed that the guy was giving me the opportunity to get home safely. Or maybe it was just a coincidence, who knows?

next

@gtzel @smallsday

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello! I'm an ESTJ (22F) and have had 4-5 incidents in my life where I've upset people badly because of my insensitivity. For example, when I was a teen, a friend wanted to go somewhere for a group outing, but I dismissed their idea and suggested going somewhere else which everyone agreed to, making that friend feel angry and unheard. Things like that. In the moment, I don't realise my actions can hurt people badly because personally, I wouldn't be hurt by that. But after going through several similar incidents, I realised the problem was indeed myself. So I’ve been working hard on being more tactful and considerate of other people’s feelings. Globally, my efforts seem to have paid off and my friends confirmed that I seem to have softened.

However, I’ve recently hurt a new friend (she’s an INTJ, 22F) because of this same lack of consideration. I damaged her trust in me when I told her that I’ve shared a personal experience of hers to friends of mine. At the time, I didn’t think that it was a secret and thought it’d be good to share her experience as to spread awareness. But she told me she was upset, and I could understand why, so I offered a sincere apology, which she accepted.

We started texting again, but only a few weeks later, I joke and say we don’t want to date frail guys because they wouldn’t be able to princess-carry us without getting crushed. I formulated the joke badly, and it could’ve sounded like I was saying that guys would get crushed under HER weight. She tells me that she’s insecure about her weight and even though she said she knew it was not my intention to say “You’re so heavy that guys would get crushed under your weight if they tried to carry you”, I am still told off quite sternly for the joke. I apologise immediately and feel very bad. It’s only been a moment after I’ve hurt once and here I am, hurting her once again.

However, this time, I also feel upset that she chose to interpret my words in the worst way possible. Badly formulating the joke was my fault, but she knew it was not my intention to say something mean. I feel like, in consideration of the previous incident, she still silently holds a grudge against me, so that the moment I slip up, she decides to have the most intense reaction to prove that I have done her wrong once again.

I have two interrogations concerning this:

- How should I deal with this friend? She still quietly holds onto my past mistake and I might have to continue walking on eggshells around her because it feels like she’s a lot less tolerant of any of my slip-ups. However, we don’t have the same type of sensibility from the get-go which highly increases the chance of me saying something that upsets her even if it’s far from my intention to do so. Should I graciously let our friendship go?

- It’s disheartening to see that even after making great efforts to avoid hurting others, I still manage to hurt them in the same way I did in the past. Of course, these kinds of incidents are a lot rarer now, but they still happen and it’s enough to cause damage in my newer relationships and it makes me feel I haven’t changed much… I don't want to upset any more people. Do you have any thoughts or advice concerning this?

Thank you for reading me and for your time dedicated to this blog, I really appreciate it!

---------------------

When a problem recurs like this, it's a sign that there's a lot more to it than you first thought. Are you ready to get into the complexities of what it means to be "insensitive"?

There is no way to speak such that you never offend anyone. The fact of the matter is that you'll never know everything about a person, so you can't always predict what will upset them. The older someone is when you meet them, the more hidden baggage there is to contend with. When you're getting to know someone, you have to accept the fact that toes will get stepped on. IMO, you actually have to welcome and embrace those painful moments as opportunities to learn about each other's preferences. Can you shift your attitude to one of acceptance rather than blame (requires Si)? Whether it's blaming yourself or others, it is always counterproductive because of its narrow focus on shaming and punishing. Blame doesn't help and usually leaves everyone feeling worse off.

If the relationship is meant to progress and thrive, both parties have to be willing and mature enough to work through misunderstandings in order to come out more knowledgeable and better prepared to treat each other well in the future. When someone isn't willing to give you the benefit of the doubt or is absolutely intent on seeing the worst in you even after you've tried to make amends, you can speak up for yourself, make your intentions/desires about the relationship crystal clear, and make a reasonable request of them to be more patient and forgiving. However, you don't have control over people. If they just can't trust you because of their own personal reasons, then they just can't, and then you have to make a thoughtful decision about how much emotion to keep investing in the relationship.

I understand your frustration with this insensitivity issue because I've actually witnessed many ESTJs around me struggle with it throughout my life. At the end of the day, I'm about the furthest you can get from being ESTJ myself, so there's only so far I can get in breaking down the problem for you. The rest is for you to reflect on and put into practice. There are several points to chew on and digest:

I. Lack of Restraint

Te+Ne often produces the trait of being overeager to act, for example: leaping before looking, speaking before thinking, judging before knowing, deciding before deliberating, etc. This can easily be taken too far into social recklessness. Extraverts tend to be rapidly stimulated by socializing and it's easy for them to get caught up in the moment and just blurt out whatever is on their mind.

Unless you've been abnormally sheltered, years of socializing experience should've already taught you that there are certain topics of conversation that are risky to broach due to their potential for inducing conflict, hurt, or suffering. If you need concrete examples, anything related to:

age; ageism; bodily functions; health issues; death; dying

spirituality; religion; religious beliefs and values

politics; hot button political issues/debates

workplace gossip, relationships, or politics

money; income; personal finances; class; classism

physical appearance; height; weight; lookism; disability; ableism

mental health; mental disorders; psychological issues

private sensitivities, vulnerabilities, shames, or traumas

troubling, problematic, or painful intimate relationship experiences

sex; gender identity; sexism; sexuality; sexual orientation; homo/bi/trans erasure or phobia

ethnicity; ethnocentrism; cultural beliefs and values; cultural insensitivity; cultural appropriation; race; racism; xenophobia

social constructs like etiquette; norms; language; intelligence; justice; love

There are a variety of approaches people choose for handling these topics. E.g.: Some people avoid them altogether in hopes of staying out of trouble. Some prefer obliviousness because they have no interest or can't personally relate. Some resist reflection on them and don't want to care about social consequences. Some purposely bring them up to provoke or push their beliefs.

I don't like to dictate how people behave. The most I can say is: Anyone who hopes to have great social skills and increase their odds of experiencing meaningful relationships ought to:

take time to properly understand why these topics are fraught and difficult for some people to talk about

carefully consider what their own beliefs/values are in relation to these topics and whether they are well-reasoned

approach the topics thoughtfully and respectfully in conversation

be willing to listen and adjust their attitude/approach upon receiving negative feedback

have an effective communication strategy for working through misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts

For ESTJs, the remedy to lack of restraint is Si development. There are two aspects: (1) Si awareness leads people to be more attentive, conscientious, methodical, and circumspect - all of which are generally important when it comes to successful risk-taking. When you make yourself more aware of risk and danger, you'll naturally proceed more cautiously. (2) Si encourages you to develop and follow reliable rules of propriety for navigating difficult situations. You get to choose your method of approach. When you don't have a method, you're flying blind, and chaos is not far behind.

II. Lack of Boundary Awareness

Common manifestations of boundary issues include: freely offering up opinions and advice; trying to solve people's problems for them; telling people what to do ("for their own good"); being judgmental and critical of people's shortcomings or vulnerabilities. ESTJs often believe that they are showing care through these behaviors, but that's only true if the behavior was invited and wanted by the receiver. When it is uninvited and unwanted, these behaviors are all forms of trespassing onto the other person's personal space or violating their rights to privacy and self-determination.

When Si and Fi are underdeveloped, ESTJs have a primitive understanding of the concept of "privacy". This can manifest in two common ways:

(1) Generally speaking, they don't think much about private things, let alone talk about them. This means they tend to assume that if someone talks about something openly, it's not considered private.

E.g. What does the word "share" mean to you? If someone shares an experience with you, does it mean that it's now yours to do with as you please? Nope. That experience still doesn't belong to you.

(2) Generally speaking, they don't understand that different people have different privacy preferences and boundaries.

One reason people learn about type is that they want to learn about individual differences and how to reduce conflict when navigating them in a relationship. One of the basic lessons type theory imparts is that applying your own type preferences to someone of another type can lead to conflict if you end up disrespecting their type.

For example, did you know that Ni doms tend to be intensely private people? There are many reasons behind it. One being that they are statistically the least populated types in society. Simply by virtue of being the smallest minority, they are the most likely to feel unseen, unappreciated, or misunderstood by people and society at large. Many Ni doms are wary of opening up because they have a special way of looking at the world that is repeatedly met with some form of invalidation by others. This makes it understandable that they can be slow to trust people and even actively look out for proof of untrustworthiness. Regardless of your intention, acts of insensitivity serve as evidence to them that you don't really understand them and thus can't really be there for them. Knowing this, is there something you can do to reassure them of your trustworthiness?

In other words, some people have a wider privacy boundary than others for reasons that you may not be aware of. ESTJs tend to keep fewer things private than INTJs. Before you talk about someone in their absence, you ought to think twice about whether the information you're about to disclose about them is considered private to them. If you're uncertain, that's all the more reason to be cautious, because it means you don't know them very well and haven't been granted license to talk about them as though you do.

When in doubt, it is best to clarify a person's privacy preferences through good communication and obtain consent before you offer up information about them to others. If you want to show people that you care about them and can be trusted, you ought to take time to understand their personal concept of privacy so that you can guard and protect it as well as they do.

III. Lack of Discretion

ESTJs often don't realize how gossipy they can be. In the heat of conversation, they bring up whatever points they believe are relevant or helpful, without considering the social consequences.

Remember that privacy is necessary because information about people can serve as a kind of currency. It can be traded for personal gain. It can be exploited to hurt someone on purpose. It can be used to treat someone unfairly. Just as you wouldn't walk down the street waving hundred dollar bills around, you shouldn't be careless with releasing information about people.

A simple example: Imagine you suffer from depression but you manage it well and live your life smoothly, perhaps even capable of doing your job better than your colleagues. Would you disclose your depression in a job interview? You shouldn't, because, due to societal stigmas surrounding mental illness, the interviewer might unfairly judge you as an inferior candidate compared to someone without depression, regardless of your actual work performance. Now imagine a friend of yours had talked about your experience of depression to help out someone also suffering, and then that very someone turned out to be one of your rivals for a job position. They could exploit information about your depression to sabotage your chances without you ever knowing.

The word "discretion" is related to the word "discernment", which means "to exhibit good judgment". How is this related to relationships? Due to inferior Fi, ESTJs often have very primitive notions of fairness and equality. They tend to make the logical error of believing that being fair/equal means treating everyone the same or seeing everyone as being the same.

The relationships in your life are not all the same. Some people should mean more to you than others because they are closer to you. Some people should be categorized differently because they serve different purposes in your life. Some people should be treated differently because of the specific relationship dynamic they have with you that others don't have with you.

To exercise good judgment in relationships, you have to understand that 1) each relationship is unique because the individual you're dealing with is unique, and thusly 2) every relationship requires a somewhat different strategy for maintenance and development. Successful relationships require thoughtfulness, which is why they're hard work.

On the surface, it may seem like a noble idea to treat everyone the same, but, in reality, it ends up looking as though people are basically interchangeable to you, to be used or replaced at whim. Why? You don't recognize all the things that make each person an individual. Most importantly, by not properly acknowledging individuality, it doesn't occur to you that it's necessary to learn about and accommodate each person's unique set of needs, desires, preferences, sensitivities, identities, and personality traits.

To know how to honor people's individuality is related to your introverted development. Through developing Si and Fi, you'll better understand the importance of your own individuality, and why it's necessary to nurture and protect it. This then gradually allows you to see, respect, and fully appreciate other people's individuality as well.

IV. Weak or Inconsistent Values

Oftentimes, there isn't productive discussion about "what really happened" when feelings get hurt, people are emotionally reactive, and fingers are being pointed. In the end, the easiest way through the conflict is for someone to apologize and the other to forgive. Or else break up. Are these really the only two options?

Ts tend to understand insensitivity simply as "accidentally saying the wrong thing". However, this is a very superficial way of looking at it. While I understand that T insensitivity is usually not a result of maliciousness, others might not be capable of such insight when they're feeling hurt and emotional. Regardless of what you originally intended, what do others think when you behave insensitively?

Firstly, it shows them a kind of carelessness, thoughtlessness, or even callousness, depending on the severity of the infraction. When you are too loose and casual with something that is of great importance to someone, they will see you as not really caring about it and, by extension, not really caring about them.

Secondly, it shows them that there is something lacking in your moral values. When people observe that you don't value the same things as them, it brings into very sharp focus the differences between you, which makes it easier to lose sight of the commonalities. Without a strong sense of commonality or "being in it together", the foundation of the relationship starts to crack, the feeling of emotional connection erodes, and then the willingness to keep the relationship going weakens. The more that differences of values appear to build up between you, the faster the relationship deteriorates. This is true for friendship and romance.

These two points are meant to explain to you the process of how exactly insensitivity damages a relationship. It's not meant to trigger self-reproach, but to allow you more insight into how you are seen by others, so that you have an opportunity to change how you come across to them.

When Si and Fi are underdeveloped, the fact is that ESTJs don't hold much sacred. While this is a personal choice, it can come across to others as a negative trait if it leads you to unwittingly trample all over what they hold sacred. Developing Si and Fi should help you improve on this aspect of the problem. There are two prongs of attack:

(1) Preventative Measures: As I outlined earlier, be more thoughtful about topics that are controversial but of great importance to the people you're interacting with. Start by clarifying your beliefs and values and what you hold sacred. Then, learn more about what the other person believes, values, and holds sacred.

For relationship development: Appreciate and regularly reinforce the common ground between you. Also work to alleviate the differences between you, either by reconsidering your beliefs/values in light of the new information they provided, or finding a way to agree to disagree about the points that you haven't yet been able to reconcile together.

(2) Healing Measures: There's no use crying over spilled milk, throwing around blame, or punishing yourself with unending guilt. When something has already happened, accept the reality of it, and figure out how best to mend what was damaged or broken.

Healing is usually best achieved through open and honest communication, to properly process the event so that both parties can achieve a sense of closure and move on from any hard feelings. However, remember that you can't control how others feel, and strong emotions take time to fade away. Never expect immediate results. You can only try your best to put hard feelings to bed, and then allow the other person time and space to heal.

The first time you offended your friend, it was over a matter of privacy. As explained earlier, you could show your commitment to doing better by actively learning more about her privacy preferences, understanding the reasons behind those preferences, and making a vow to honor and protect them in the future.

The second time you offended her, it was because you did not give enough thought to or place enough value on something that has a great impact on her life. While it was unintentional, you still have to confront the hurt, otherwise, there's no moving forward. Perhaps you can explain how you didn't see it that way because your personal experience has been different, but, since you've had a chance to hear about how important it is to her, it is now important to you. If you want a close relationship with someone, what's important to them should be important to you as well, as a way to show care, consideration, and solidarity in helping to shoulder their hardships. When people have a strong belief and value system, one important way to show you care about them is to consistently step up and stand up for those beliefs and values as an ally.

To heal a conflict, you must reinstill confidence in the relationship. By taking time to properly understand her point of view and taking steps to show her that her beliefs and values are also important to you, she is more likely to feel reassured and regain confidence that the friendship is worth salvaging and nurturing.

[kapanbenernya]

Back 4 Blood -- It is Now Literally Left for Dead

As I have touched in this post, this is one of the games I still play, and for good reason. It has huge replayability, it's easy to pick up, it can fit all of my friends, and most importantly: it's fun. Yes you heard it right here folks, I like Back 4 Blood despite being aware of all it's faults and imperfections because it's still fun. And because of that, I will spend what free time I have to talk about this game and what I appreciate from it.

First, let's talk about the apocalypse

As we all know from the Left 4 Dead comparisons everyone throws around, the setting to Back 4 Blood is a plague apocalypse. Notice that I use the word "plague" instead of the straight "zombie" apocalypse because there are almost no zombie apocalypse in mass media anymore. Ever since the year 2010-something everyone just shied away from it like last month's fast fashion.

"LOOK AT HIM STILL USING CONVENTIONAL UNDEAD ZOMBIES! LOOK AT HOW MUCH OF A SIMPLETON HE IS!"

And with the traditional undead zombies declining in popularity, rose the new hotness that I can only describe as scientifically induced zombiefication, in which the "zombie" is caused by a scientific phenomenon like fungus, virus, bacterial infection, etc. Popular examples including 28 Days Later, The Walking Dead, and of course, Left 4 Dead. In the world of Back 4 Blood, the cause of the zombie mutations is an entity called the Worm which is said to proliferate in the waters and could mutate human flesh into all sorts of malformed abominations. And it's up to us, the cleaners of Fort Hope to thin their numbers and save the future. Or at least our group's future

But who is our group? And what are the Cleaners?

As mentioned before, we play as Cleaners. Essentially a ragtag group of survivors from Fort Hope sent out to execute missions such as community outreach, resupplying, and more often than not, blowing shit up. The characters available to us ranges from a soldier, a doctor, a delinquent, a prepper, two war veterans, and two nutjobs each with their own unique craziness. The variation is more than just salad dressing mind you, as each character comes with their own character and party skills. Such as the doctor that affects how well you can heal and how resistant the party is to long-term health damage, The prepper that can somehow turn the zombies into pinatas of ammo and grenades, and a young man whose only purpose is to annoy me every time he opens his fucking mouth.

"No seriously, Jesus Christ, just shut the fuck up Evangelo"

On top of the skills that comes with each unique character, you also have to build your own personal skill with the Skill Card system. It's essentially buffs in the form of cards that you form into a 15-card deck filled with multiple buffs and/or debuffs that will combine to fill a certain role within the team. The cards are unlocked via an in-game currency called copper (boy am I glad they didn't charge us micro-transactions for those) and you earn copper by playing the game. The system sounds pretty okay on paper, since you unlock your skills quite organically and slowly build yourself up as you play. But as you know things that sounds alright on paper might just be fairy farts in the real world, and the skill card system is no exception. The downside is that the skill cards are unlocked via packs that will randomly spawn on the shop. So if you're in a hurry to unlock certain cards, you can take a cactus up the arse and get fucked.

Wait. We've veered too much into gameplay territory now. Let me actually switch the topic to gameplay

It's no secret that the gameplay is very much similar to Left 4 Dead, so any attempt to explain the gameplay is a waste of time because everyone knows Left 4 Dead at this point. Its simple formula of "move from the starting point to the finish zone while dodging obstacles in the form of zombies" has been tried and tested for so many years now that it can almost vote. Attentive readers might have realized that I didn't put the words "killing zombies" in there because it wasn't really the main objective in L4D. They're more nuisance in the form of very bitey assholes, not unlike a teething baby that just learned to run.

"Yeah, not so tough now are you?"

Aside from them however there also the special infected that are so famous that they don't need an introduction. What I need to emphasize however is how good their designs are. I'm talking about each of them are so visually and audibly distinct, and how their roles are so synergistic with each other that they are still downright terrifying to face even with a tight 4 man group.

As the self-proclaimed "spiritual successor" of Left 4 Dead, and how the tagline for the game is "From the creators of Left 4 Dead", one would rightly assume that the game would at least maintain such quality. A thing that they unfortunately, did not manage to do with this game. Dishonorable mention goes to the special infected that can be very hard to discern unless the game spells it out for me. Not to mention that their roles aren't very distinct from one another that they all just blur out into "collective nuisance" for me. Overall, such a letdown from the people that made L4D.

Before we go to the final say, let me list the good things I really like from this game

Oh my god, it's the weapon system. The way the weapons handle, the customizations, the brutal melee weapons, the satisfying OOMPH some of the weapons have, and aiming down the sights? Good lord killing zombies haven't been this cathartic since COD Zombies. This is one of the reason why I think this game is still fun despite all it's shortcomings. The other reason? Nothing else except the fact that it's very much competent. It already has a satisfying gameplay loop that could carry the game by itself. All we need it just for the devs to keep this putrid ball of cadaver rolling.

And as we are now in the current future of 2024, we know that the Developers have pulled out like a couple of teenagers fucking on a risky day. This post by the Developers (almost exactly a year ago, by the way) has cemented the death of this game. The lack of community modding means that the game will stay the same as it was until the servers inevitably close. It truly has been the final nail in the undead coffin. The devs did say that they were gonna "be Back, bigger, bolder and better than ever!", but seeing how they treated this promising IP? Might as well get the phone ready to call CPS

In Brief

I'd still play it. No matter how much shit the community says about this game, I'd still play it given the chance. I still truly believe it's a competent game that just need a few fixes. I dare the developers to get off their ass and actually put community modding and/or map maker to the game. If that happens, I'm willing to bet one of my testicles that the game will re-flourish and we're going to start seeing a lot of new fan-made content and fixes it sorely needed.

But we will not get it of course. Not because the devs are lazy or incompetent, but I'm thinking it's because there is no money to be made in implementing it. We still remember the backlash about "Paid mods" back in 2015 so monetization is a very tricky issue. Apart from that, the devs will just look greedy by doing so. And trust me, Turtle Rock Studios cannot afford to tarnish their reputation any more than this. Not after Evolve

22/02/2024

[theinfinitedivides]

listening to the PS:2 soundtrack again in an attempt to bite the bullet and psyche myself up to watch both films back to back in August(? that's the goal at least, if i get to watch it earlier even better) and i have been stuck on Veera Raja Veera for an hour and a half. i have also figured out my personal ranking for all versions of the song at last and it went about as well as i would have expected. it started to get too long for the f*cking tags tho so i decided to put in this post, we'll see how it goes from here—list is in order from least liked to most liked btw

5. going to start this off by saying i'm so so sorry to Gulzar but it's something about the rhythm for me. the lyrics are lovely but the way they are lining up with the music in the Hindi version,,,,,,, or failing to in certain parts,,,,,, it's not it. it's not it. it does well in the first minute or so and then heads downhill from there, and tbh it's not his fault i think it's just the sheer amount of syllables that they have to fit in compared to the original? and with that in mind it's not going to sound the same, obviously, but what salvages it from being a complete disappointment is the way we got both Shreya Ghoshal and Kavita Krishnamurthy as a duet in this year of our Lord 2023. Kavita, who still sounds the same as she did on the Dil Se soundtrack singing Satrangi Re and the Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam soundtrack and the Devdas soundtrack and the Yaara Dildaara soundtrack and the K3G soundtrack with Bole Chudiyan and Shreya Ghoshal who is a pleasure to listen to on practically everything she touches (Bajirao Mastani and Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi and that aalap just before her verse with Kavita here i'm looking at you) and— *inhales* *exhales* ok. do appreciate them letting Kavita take the 'चुन चुन चुन चुन / जाली रे जाली चिंगारी' portion in the Hindi translation bc she sounded beautiful there. (she always reminded me of Lata in that regard i think, and for some inexplicable reason i've by extension connected the two of them to Zohra Sehgal in some of her roles)

favorite line — 'दुश्मन पे टूटे जब | बिजलियों का वीर' / 'dushman pe toote jab | bijilyon ka vaar'. this is one of those times where the rhythm works in their favor and works well, and it leads perfectly into the rest of the verse imo. also @ that one guy going 'योद्धा~~' / 'yodhaa~~' at the very end of the song ty for your service

3. in contrast to the rhythm problems of the Hindi the Kannada recording is very smooth? i don't know if that makes sense as someone who doesn't speak the language but it's like water. like water in a stream just one after another going over the stones in the riverbed as it passes or the waves lapping against the side of the ship or the gentle sound wind chimes make when they hit against each other in the lightest breeze—the phrasing doesn't feel forced (ty Jayant Kaikini sir) and the syllables match the music as well as the original. ofc Rakshita Suresh and Sivasri Skandaprasad have a part to play with their solos in this sounding as good as it does, despite its ranking on my list (which will be explained in the next entry), and while i expected nothing less from Rakshita after Kirunage, this is the first i'm hearing from Sivasri and she blew me away. i had to listen to it several times to be able to tell them apart, and i might still be wrong bc their voice color is very, very similar, but they took what Rahman gave them and made it their own. (is it Rakshita that starts and Sivasri that continues? i'm thinking that it alternates between them with Sivasri ending that portion)

favorite line — 'ಮಳೆಗರೆವಾಗ ಬಾಣ | ಅಡಗಳು ಎಲ್ಲಿ ತಾಣಾ' / 'malegarevaaga baana | adagalu elli thaana'. this is where the river analysis stands out to me bc this feels like putting pebbles said river into a tumbler and rolling them over and over until they come out smooth and polished and just. right. (i am using the word smooth a lot to talk about the Kannada version sksksksk but can you blame me)

3. technically Malayalam and Kannada tie for third place on here (there is no fourth place. there is 4.75th place rounded up to fifth place and that belongs to the Hindi entry as previously stated) but Malayalam has the slightest edge for me. in terms of sound/pronunciation it's the closest to the original—i know most scholars believe that Malayalam descended from Tamil and split early on, so that might have something to do with it, but it sounds like a perfect cross between the flow of Kannada and the strength of the Tamil and ugh. pair that with Srinivas featuring and Shweta Mohan taking on that solo (by herself!!! and eating that sh*t like it was a duet!!!) and Rafeeq Ahamed as the lyricist and i play it almost as often as i play the original. (i was almost half expecting to hear the extension at the end in this version, that's how good it was)

favorite line — 'കടലിൽ ചുഴലി പോലെ | തവ നൗക കളിരമ്പി' / 'kadalil chuzhali pole | thava noukakalirambi'. i am in love with what Shweta does here, especially with the latter half of the line ('... നൗക കളിരമ്പി' / 'noukakalirambi') since she just heads straight into the 'വൻകടൽ...' and for some reason that is so auditorily pleasing to me. i don't have any rational thoughts behind that that's just how it is. her aalap before her verse is also breathier/softer than Shreya's if that makes sense but it fits her perfectly

2. Telugu. holy f*ck, Telugu. you put Shankar Mahadevan (i don't think i've ever heard him sing a bad song. ever. at least not what i've heard) and Chinmayi (Tere Bina???? Mayya Mayya???? Titli???? i'm still not over any of them from her????) in the same song you make every f*cking verse rhyme almost exactly courtesy of Chandrabose if Kannada is the sound of water then Telugu is pure silk and honey and the feel of something melting in your mouth and you expect me to stay alive? the actual f*ck? admittedly i may be biased bc one of my OCs is Telugu and i have been putting Telugu covers from my Bollywood playlist on loop for inspo but uh Rahman what the f*ck. what the f*ck am i supposed to do with that kind of genius

favorite line(s) — 'సమరం శ్రుతించైరా శిఖరం స్పృశించైర' / 'samaram shruthinchaira shikharam spushinchaira' & 'విధిగా తెగించైర | విధినే వదించైర | విలయం దరించైర | విజయం వరించైర' / 'vidhigaa thegincheyraa | vidhine vadhincheyraa | vilayam dharincheyraa | vijayam varincheyraa'. the f*cking alliteration? hello? also the 'veera raja veera' at the end of this version in particular gives me full body chills bc there is someone going up with the harmonization every time there's a new line. i don't know who it is but he's (they're? could be multiple vocals) going up and i am crying shaking throwing up on the floor having a spiritual experience etc etc

and finally 1. the top spot. the place where everything has been leading through this long ass piece that i have put you to suffer through

and ykw Tamil is pretty much self-explanatory i think: we bring Shankar back as we should but this time K.S Chithra (Asoka!!! Main Prem Ki Diwani Hoon!!! Bombay and Thoda Thoda from Indira/Priyanka and the live version of Jiya Jale that Rahman did in Dubai!!!) and Harini (also sang for Indira/Priyanka and featured on Varayo Thozhi from Jeans) are with him and Ilango Krishnan's lyrics take over and flatline me on the f*cking operating table. before it flatlines me however i break into goosebumps every time i hear it start, bc lbh it is impossible not to when you have the f*cking vocals coming in like 'காணீரோ? நீர் காண் | சோழ வெற்றி வாள் ஒன்றை காணீரோ? | ஓ அழகிய பூவே! செல்லுதியோ | மலரிடு போ சகி!' if you stay sane during that opening you are a liar get off my feed unfollow and block i don't want you anywhere near me for the next six years or however long it takes Mani Ratnam to make his next masterpiece. no coherent thoughts head empty MV playing on loop he and Rahman own me now they have the copyrights

favorite line (had to split everything into two blocks bc Tumblr was tryin to f*ck up my sh*t) — 'எம் தமிழ் வாழ்க வாழ்க! | வீர சோழம் வாழ்க! | நற்றமிழ் வாழ்க வாழ்க! | நல்லோர் தேசம் வாழ்க!' / 'em thamizh vaazhga vaazhga! | veera sozham vaazhga! | natramizh vaazhga vaazhga! | nallor thesam vaazhga!'. technically this isn't my favorite favorite line bc i have to do a seperate ranking for that below + it's exclusive to the Tamil version and i am trying to make this a wholistic review but. it's f*cking up there let's just say that. i think i mentioned in the tags of a different post of how i've been doing genealogy research and (in the process) tentatively confirmed the possibility of there being some South Asian descent from my dad's side, specifically Tamil or Telugu based on the stories/timeline of French occupation in the Caribbean and portions of the Indian subcontinent, and there's something in me that shifts every time we get down to the last twenty or so seconds and this hits. i don't know what it is, truly—maybe the remnants of the genes of my ancestors and their pride for their land, their language—but it's there and it's loud and if it's the right day at the right time i will start crying btw. full on sobbing like a little bitch. you didn't ask but i told you anyway

after all of *motions* that, i am also offering a bonus ranking of the section of VRV that makes me rewind every f*cking time it comes on in every language, bc it featured heavily in creating my eventual rankings and i would be remiss to not mention it. so here have this additional dive into my thought process during these trying times of hyperfixation rip

'आंधी से तेज़ | तूफ़ान से तेज़ | चुन चुन चुन चुन | जाली रे जाली चिंगारी | अंग अंग अंग अंग | लागे रे लागे अंगारे' / 'aandhi se tez | toofaan se tez | chun chun chun chun | jaali re jaali chingaari | ang ang ang ang | laagey re laagey angaare', Hindi — still at the bottom of the list here, but the inflection during the repetition ('chun chun chun chun' and 'ang ang ang ang') salvages it somewhat. nothing else to say it about it otherwise, since i already addressed Kavita's voice here earlier

'വാക്കാകെ നീ കാറ്റാക നീ | ശര ശര ശര ശരമേയ്ക | വേൽമഴ നെയ്തിട് | റ പറ പറ പറ വിറകൊൾക | പായട്ടെ പായ്വഞ്ചികൾ' / 'vaakkaaka nee kaattaaka nee | shara shara shara sharameyka | velmazha neythidu | para para para para virakolka | paayatte paayvanchikal', Malayalam — taking that third place as always, but its tied partner in the general rankings is higher up in this list for a change. i think the very last part ('പായട്ടെ പായ്വഞ്ചികൾ' / 'paayatte paayvanchikal') is what throws me off tho bc of the way they distributed the line, since on the first listen i was expecting them to go 'paayatte paayvan-chi-kal' and they chose 'paayatte pa-ay-van-chikal' instead. it's not like it decreases the overall quality of the song or anything it's just a very specific hang up i have. who knows maybe my preferred pronunciation would have f*cked with the meaning and we do not want that

'సుడిగాడ్పులా అడుగేయరా | సర సర సర సర | శరమే తనువే ���ాకగా | చర చర చర చర | చెలరేగాలి వేగంగా' / 'sudi gaadpulaa adugeyyaraa | sara sara sara sara | sharame thanuve thaakagaa | chara chara chara chara | chelaraegaali vegangaa', Telugu — this ties with Malayalam for third place and, much like it, my quirk is specfically with the last part ('చెలరేగాలి వేగంగా' / 'chelaregaali vegangaa'). my preferred is 'chelare-gaali ve-gan-gaa', they gave me 'chelare-gaa-li ve-gan-gaa'. again, not an issue, this is just me, i'm sure they knew what they were doing otherwise they wouldn't have recorded it like that in the first place

'ನೀ ಜ್ವಾಲೆಯು ನೀ ಗಾಳಿಯೂ | ಸರ ಸರ ಸುರಿವ | ಮಳೆಯಂತೆ ಶೂಲಗಳು | ಭರ ಭರ ಭರ ಭರನೆ | ಭೋರ್ಗರೆವ ಪಂಜುಗಳು' / 'nee jwaaleyu nee gaaliyuu | sara sara suriva | maleyanthe shoolagalu | bhara bhara bhara bharane | bhorgareva panjugalu', Kannada — there are at least two portions here that sound eerily similar to the original and that is why this version has moved up to spot two. it takes that water comparison i made and uses it to its advantage so much and it rotates in my mind like a rotisserie chicken at just at the right angle and it's just!!!! it's just!!!! God pls keep me from putting this in my mouth and biting it's too good

'கூற்றாகிச் செல்... | காற்றாகிச் செல்... | சர சர சர சரவெனவே | மழை தான் பெய்திட | பர பர பர பரவென | பாயட்டும் பாய்மரம்' / 'kootraagi sel... | kaatraagi sel... | sara sara sara saravena | velmazhai thaan peidhida | para para para paravena | paayattum paaimaram', Tamil — when this hits i blank out and come to at random intervals. cannot pinpoint the time the place etc but it happens and when it does i go f*cking feral. this one i am indeed putting in my mouth and biting bc the entire thing from 'para para...' onwards??? more alliteration more alliteration more f*cking alliteration. i remember someone making a post on here that said that certain parts of VRV sound like pearls bouncing off of the floor (was it @mizutaama? i apologize for the tag but i think that was you) and i think this is what they were referring to but my ears are that f*cking floor. i thank God every day for that

anyway mutuals (and non-mutuals who are just as obsessed about PS as i am) i'm sorry for clogging your feed with my opinions on a film i haven't even watched properly, pls feel free to roast me about my ranking choices. or agree but it doesn't really matter at this point bc even tho i could be talking out of my ass in terms of actually speaking said languages (i,,,,, do not unfortunately) i've said what i needed to say sksksksk

[thetreestumptherapist]

School Trauma

School trauma is not the memory lane I wanted to go down...

Trying to get ready for college and am working through my old school subjects trying to figure out what I did. All the memories of things I struggled with and all the emotions associated with them are flooding back.

If you struggled in school, I just want you to know it's not because you are stupid. In fact a majority of the smartest people struggled in school. School is formatted for teaching people to be teachers, memorizing facts to pass them on to the next generation of teachers. It doesn't allow a lot of room for working with your brain and learning what you are interested in, which can make you feel isolated and dumb. And it's not your fault.

Some things to look into if you cry at the thought of going to school:

If you struggle with basic math skills (like I do) I suggest you check out Dyscalculia. I only found out about it my junior or senior year and I cannot describe the relief I felt when I found out I wasn't stupid, and not only does what I struggled with exist, but it has a name. All those years of feeling stupid and like a failure and googling "can math cause trauma" "can math cause ptsd" and all this time it was just my brain processing numbers differently. Infuriating. 😑 I also suggest getting a tutor if possible.

If words blur together and you regularly get letters mixed up, backwards, or even upside down, you might have dyslexia.

If your hand hurts while writing and you have issues with dexterity, there's dyspraxia or dysgraphia (these two are very similar but dysgraphia is more for writing and dyspraxia is more for overall dexterity and coordination issues)

If you internally scream at yourself to "just do the homework already" or struggle with focusing bad enough you have a reputation, I suggest looking into ADHD.

If the lights, sounds, and smells give you a headache and make you want to hide in the closet, autism.

If you are constantly mishearing people, or asking "what" and then responding before they finish repeating what they were saying, you could have auditory processing disorder

Others that could cause problems in school but aren't related to academic disabilities: Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), depression, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), I'm sure there are more but i can't think of them right now.

Some of the information might not be completely correct, but I'm ok with that for now. My goal was not to teach you about each individual issue, but to show you that these things you struggle with are not your fault, your brain just got wired differently. And to point you in a direction where you might be able to get help with your struggles if you think you need or want it. Really, I don't want you to have to suffer years of feeling stupid or incapable like I did.

So, if you relate to this post, I am glad it found you. I hope you can get the help you need and find healing if it didn't find you before the pain. Share this with someone you think needs to see it. Please help spread the knowledge of these disabilities so that others can find help and healing as well. I love you all. Be kind to yourselves as well as to others. And good luck this school year.

[xb0rder-7inex]

TW : DV

I'm going to make a pinned post to explain again why I'm not nice to people who throw out words like "you shouldn't this" and "you should that"

Like, I'm sorry, I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but please stfu.

I don't have the brain capacity to think about this right now but until you've been in an abusive relationship, do not ask someone why they won't leave. Don't tell me that I deserve better. Don't say anything along the lines of anything remotely similar to that. I understand that you're trying to be sympathetic and supportive, but it's actually really insensitive and triggering.

There is very much a reason why there has to be a safety plan in place and it literally takes 7-10 attempts at leaving before it's ever a success. And because it can take so long (years), some people will just stop trying.

I am not in any kind of place at all to be ready to leave and that probably means that I don't really want to and it's not because I'm trauma bonded it's because I have already lost everything I had in the midst of all this chaos and I do not have the mental or emotional capacity right now to try. I have always intended on returning to this relationship and everything needs to be done in baby steps. My first goal is just getting out of this shelter and into some kind of place that's mine and we will go from there.

There are men out there who are far more abusive than my boyfriend and in a lot of ways I'm very fortunate that he isn't worse. He isn't violent. He doesn't threaten to kill me. But he does control me in subtle ways. He does emotionally manipulate me. He does hurt me. And I hope it never gets farther than that but the truth is that you truly never fucking know. It took him five months to hit me the first time. Who's to say the next thing he does won't take five years? I hate to even say that out loud but if I'm being logical he probably will not ever change. Sometimes my biggest fear is that things will get worse and I can literally only pray that it stays the same. I can be hopeful about something better, because there's always a possibility, but enjoying the highs while they last is something I've had to accept to avoid losing myself all over again. My BPD is in remission, I'm no longer sick, and I will not let him break me. For two and a half years I struggled bad with my mental health and it made me vulnerable to literally everyone and everything and I didn't care about the savagery of any of it. Being in this relationship is partially my fault. I knew who he was when we started dating. It didn't matter. I loved being his little victim, at least I was his. The borderline part of me fucking relished in it, as long as it was me and only me for him (he used to say, "you're mine and only mine"), I let him do whatever he wanted and I romanticized everything toxic.

That being said, abuse and love can and do coexist (sometimes love can manifest in negative ways) which sounds naive but is a realistic perspective and a lot of people don't understand that abusive relationships are not at all black and white. People as individuals are almost never inherently abusive. There is a very large gray-scale image and people are complex beings who may have one or several reasons for why they behave the way that they do. I won't exploit his privacy, but my boyfriend has very deep roots that tie him to being the way that he is. Not an excuse or a justification, but behaviour is learned and hurt people hurt people (Btw, having been going through extensive therapy for this whole thing, true narcissists and sociopaths are actually quite rare - most people just naturally have a wide range of toxic traits, ie: generational trauma). We still have a lot of really beautiful times together too and our ups are very typical and those are things that I'm likely going to post about as well. The whole point is to commemorate entire cycles and to study our patterns (yes, mine too). It's my own personal social experiment, if you will. And if he ever finds these posts it'll be a really long time of psychological hell. I don't even want to fucking know.

So, much like consoling a person during grief, there is nothing you can say. You do not and will not feel the weight of the gravity of any of it until it's on your shoulders. Everyone has a different healing journey and I'm just documenting mine. Not for an audience. For the future me, for several reasons (yin yang), and I'm sure that you can piece that together by yourself.

[thekidsarentalright]

Hii! I have some hot and cold takes to sharee. Hope you are still doing that, I don't want to be annoying

1. FOB making literally no shows in LatAm let a bad taste on my mouth. They come only for festivals, and I bet that they have enough public here to play a solo show, at least at the capitals/biggest cities. Probably it lies more on fault of their label, but anyway.

2. Use what Joe said in his book to hate on Mania is disingenuous, since he said similar things about other albums too (IOH comes to mind)

3. TTTYG is not very unique? Like, putting it above most of FOB albums is weird to me, since it's mostly a very standard pop punk album (don't get me wrong, I love this baby made of teenboy rage, but anyway)

4. EOWYG is genuinely bad. Theres literally one of two good songs.

5. Suggesting that a band should break up because you did not like their most recent material is weird, I am sorry. Like, if you don't like it, DONT LISTEN??? And for me, is even worse when it's about FOB, since they are very vocal about how much they like to work, tour and just generally hang out together.

6. The Hush Sound was the best band Pete signed, bless Ryro for sending that link for Pete.

7. Speaking about Ryro, he and Pete have the most intersting relationship from all the relationships between Pete and other band dudes, at least for me

Thats it, thank you for reading <3 I hope its not the worst opinions ever.

def still doing it and not annoying at all, thank you for sharing!!!!

i absolutely agree with this like. while i’m sure it isn’t Their faults personally that they aren’t touring in latam, i’m sure there’s a lot that goes into it that i dont even know about that really doesn’t change that it Is shitty that they aren’t touring anywhere there like. idk if artists like paramore and taylor swift etc can do it i’m sure they could too :/ and i can only hope that Sometime Soon they do

yeah definitely!! his feelings on their albums are honestly probably a lot more complex and nuanced than we could imagine and just using him voicing his thoughts on a project as a way to justify not liking something yourself is kinda shitty!

i have alwayssss felt this way about tttyg (and tbh about eowyg too which will go into my response to the next one fjdnfk), like it shows Promise and isn’t Bad but it also isn’t unique like other fob albums are necessarily. it was a good start but like. they just got better w every album imo

i definitely dont think eowyg as it exists is good either yeahfjrjfndk like i said before. and i think in an ask yday. it has a lot of promise and could easily be good w some tweaks but. isn’t really my thing fjrkfndk

literally if you dont like something and only have mean uninteresting things to say about it dont listen and dont talk about it LMAOOO dont go from i dont like this to well clearly the band should break up like. fob love touring and working together and clearly really love what they’re creating let them be…

tbh have never listened to the hush sound so i will take ur word for this one!!! ryan has good taste tho so im sure theyre good <3

tho i will be a peterick forever and ever i gotta agree pete and ryan are very interesting fr like… there was Some gay stuff going on there man…

[lostonehero]

Some weird demon shenanigans it's Danny's fault

"Tim!" A man who shares similar features to Tim pulls Tim up to stand.

A woman with coffee, color skin, and curly puffy hair raised her brow and crossed her arms. "Before you say anything, Danny roped me into this, and I didn't think I would actually agree."

Tim blinks. "Sasha...?" He faces the man, his brother. "Danny?"

"Yep! So we don't have much time because again you're asleep and we both know you're hardwired to sleep as little as possible." Danny pushes Tim into a chair that suddenly appears. "So here's the deal we are collateral, and you have to agree to marriage."

"I told you to word that better." Sasha pinches her brow. "He isn't exactly wrong. He's convinced that you've gone off the deep end after everything, which we can't confirm because, again, we are dead and don't have access to the living world."

"Less talking, we don't have much time." Danny claps his hands. "Tim, will you marry a demon? Not just a demon but the strongest heir to the kingdom to hell if the king ever decides to take a vacation. King is such a wrong term for that... eh, whatever."

Sasha rolls her eyes. "Who's wasting time now?"

"Shut up! Tim yes or no?" Danny stares at his brother.

Tim sighs. "Fuck it why not it's a dream none of this is real you both are dead. It's not like this will matter..."

"Wa-" Danny had his eyes widen before he was gone.

Sasha tried to reach out before she felt cold stone on her back.

"I mean, that's technically a yes." A man with a deep voice sighs. "So you two will fulfill your end of the deal." The man snaps his fingers and the two vanish.

.......

The redheaded man felt the weight of chains in his hands. He knew what it was and how heavy chains that bound spirits to him. He hissed now fully awake as he couldn't release them as the chains sunk into his wrists and a note felt to his chest. He growled as the chains were now permanently attached to him fused to his being, which meant they were his for the rest of eternity or death. He grabbed the note and read it over once twice, and finally, five times before he groaned.

He got himself out of bed and got dressed carefully, wrapping his tail around his chest to hide under his sweater. He made his way out of his room to the sounds of soft snoring, and he saw someone he never thought he would see again outside of old Polaroids and a man who shared a resemblance to his coworker.

"Of course you would say this would help stop the end of the world." He mumbles under his breath, heading to the kitchen to start making tea. "I didn't need help finding a partner, and I definitely didn't need two spirits who are no longer spirits anymore. Well, they would be happy to eat and drink again.... no idiot, listen to yourself...." He sighs as the tea kettle whistles. "Shit."

A crash of a body hitting the floor and a sleepy voice. "I'm up. I'm up!" A woman poked her head up and looked over the couch to see... "Martin?"

Martin jumps and nearly drops the hot water. "I uh.. I didn't mean to wake you... er yeah, just you." The man was still dead asleep drooling on the recliner.

Sasha pauses, and a look of realization comes over her features. "You're..." she stops as Martin waves his hands.

"Yeah... I mean, I found out when I was 13, and uh... yeah... I know he means well, but I don't... I didn't..." Martin sighs and finishes mixing the cup of tea. "I'm sorry, but I guess I kind of own you now... I mean, I can change your form and use you both as weapons if I had to, but I won't. I mean, not without your permission. My father was very clear to teach me everything that came with what I am and hell, and spirits."

Sasha watches Martin shuffle over and hand her a mug of tea.

"I hope you still like it with two sugars and almond milk." Martin smiles softly.

Sasha smiles back. "I do, but can I uh yaknow...."

Martin blinks and pauses for a moment. "Oh, uh yeah, you can, just like how he can sleep again. You're not technically dead anymore, I mean, if you don't want to, I can uh change that.... temporarily."

"No, no, I mean..." Sasha takes a long sip and sighs happily. "I missed this. I don't really remember what it was like being dead, but uh I think that's the point."

"In a sense, I guess. The reason you probably don't recall much is that you haven't been dead that long as well. Also, I have a feeling he has a reason for this er situation." Martin rubs the back of his neck. "Things aren't exactly great."

Sasha frowns and moves over. "Well, it seems like we've got a time, mind filling me in what happened after I died."

Martin nods. "It's a lot, and uh, you kind of got replaced by a fear stranger."

"I was replaced?" Sasha raised her brow.

Martin begins to explain.

.....

The door slammed open after Elias opened it, and he was pressed against his wall. "Mr. Stoker, it's quite fascinating that you've found my residence, but as I told Miss. King killing me will only cause strife."

"Shut the fuck up you fucking monster." Tim growled a knife in his hands. "It's bad enough I literally can't be without the institute, but you fucking marked me."

Elias raised his brow with genuine surprise. "Excuse me?"

Tim huffed, pushing Elias down. He nearly ripped his shirt off, taking it off to show a detailed marking around his chest that traveled to his back. It's a mix of spiderwebs, flames, cracks, and fire. "It's not enough we are fucking trapped you brand me?"

Elias stares at the marking with pure awe. "There's no ink in the markings." He couldn't keep the surprise and curiosity out of his voice. "Did you wake up with that? It's not from a fear. What is that?"

Tim stepped back as Elias got up. He swallows and frowns. "You didn't do this?"

"No, but I want to know what did." Elias frowns when Tim smacks his hand away.

"Don't touch me." Tim scowls and puts his shirt back on. "So I'm assuming you didn't pretend to be my dead brother or Sasha in my dream then."

"Whatever you think of me, Timothy, I can not cause pleasant dreams. Comes with working for an entity made for fear." Elias dusts himself off. "However, I'm willing to hear more."

Tim frowns as he feels something rub against his leg and notices a cat. He furrows his brows as he stares at the tiny creature.

"Timothy, I do have my own pets and hobbies besides whatever you think I do." Elias chuckles. "Now tell me why you think I had any sway over this? You haven't been touched by any of the fears besides well the ones you've already encountered."

Tim huffs. "Because out of everyone you would claim to be the devil."

Elias looked truly puzzled longer than he would have liked. "The devil? Honestly, Timothy, if you didn't have these markings, I would find you ornately insane for that claim. Demons and angels don't exist, and any record is merely a trick from another fear."

Tim crossed his arms as a second cat joined at his feet. "You're quick to dismiss that."

"Well, that's because..." Elias doesn't get to finish as the two cats hiss and a deep voice chuckles.

A man with bloody red hair and black eyes seem to have appeared from nothing smiles at the two. He adjusts his pitch-black suit and tilts his head. "You would think someone as old as you would keep old superstitions alive, but alas, the hubris becomes my gain." His voice is deep and eerie. His shoes click inhumanity against the carpeted floor. He reaches out and tilts Elias's chin up. "A little on the nose with the eyes, don't you think?" He turns to Tim and moves his hand away.

Elias holds his chin like the touch is ice. He goes to speak, but no sound comes from his lips.

The man tilts his head. "Your brother did try to warn you, but you agreed before he could even tell you fully." The man laughs deep, and it frightened both men in the room. "My son has been doing his best, but a father has the right to worry, and your brother gave me the perfect opportunity to meddle." He reaches out and cups Tim's face with both hands. "You will see your brother again, and you'll make a great husband to my son and maybe even a strong enough demon to match him one day or not he would still care for you." He smiles with too many teeth and sends shivers down Tim's spine. He lets go of Tim and turns back to Elias. "You know it's people like you that give me a bad name."

Elias tries to say something but again is met with silence.

"Well, I mean, it's not your fault. It's humanity as a whole, I guess." The man snaps, and Elias gasps finally making noise again as he grips his throat. "It doesn't matter much now, does it? Oh, I'm just rambling now. Now, with my introduction out of the way, I wish you both the best of the rest of your weekend." He tilts his head.

"What are you?" Elias spits out actual fear in his eyes as he locks eyes with Tim before both stare at the man.

The man smiles. "I'm something you don't believe in. That's the thing you might not think I'm real, but I assure you I exist, Jonah." He laughs deep and eerily, sending chills down both men's backs as he vanishes in front of their eyes.

Elias stared, wided eyed at the empty space.

Tim turned and ran out of the luxurious flat and didn't stop running till he was back in his apartment.

......

Martin stares at his phone and groans. "Tim isn't answering any messages."

Sasha is enjoying being the same size of the chocolate bar next to her she is eating from. "I can tell you where he lives."

"I'm not just going to show up to his apartment. I told you about Jon and his stalking. Which looking back really shitty paranoid behavior." Martin pauses. "Bloody hell, he probably thinks I'm a Satanist. I only recently got rid of all the pentagram and er... you don't need to know that. I may have gone a bit overboard after the worms."

Danny, on the other side of the chocolate bar, wipping his messy face with equally messy hands. "I still have no idea what you mean by worm incident."

"And I didn't know Tim had a brother." Martin raised his brow.

Danny huffs. "Well, I didn't expect to be killed by an evil clown creature. I also didn't mean to traumatized Tim." He sighs. "I told him he didn't have to come with me. I didn't want to drag him down to anything dangerous, let alone risk him getting killed. Yeah, I know he's my older brother, and he's supposed to protect me, but still."

Martin sighs and snaps, making himself roughly the same size as the other two and breaks off a piece of chocolate. "I don't really know what it's like to have a sibling, I wasn't really supposed to happen. My father is asexual and demiromanic. My mother tried to baby trap him by drugging him and having me." He sighs. "Never understood how he still could love me."

Sasha frowns and shuffles closer to Martin. "Hey, nobody asks to be born, you know." She hums. "Well, now you're stuck with both of us, and Tim."

Danny moves to Martin's other side. "Don't say my brothers name like he's some consultation prize. My brother's a catch."

Martin snickers. "Danny, Sasha's aromantic."

"Tim's a good fuck though." Sasha chuckles as Danny chokes on his bite of chocolate.

Danny cosses his arms. "You're a menace, and don't you ever talk about my brother like that."

"Tim is kind of a slut, but like in a gentleman kind of way." Sasha smiles softly watching Martin try and fail to hold back his laughter.

Danny sputters. "Tim's suffering right now and you're calling him a slut? You're actually awful. Why did I even ask for your help?"

Sasha giggles.

Martin waves his hands and immediately stops laughing when his phone rings he stumbles as he returns to his normal size and answers it. "Hello?..... ah Tim, yes l... er no, I don't think so.... uh yeah, you can come over... I mean, I don't have a guest room, but ... ok, that's fine. I'll see you soon then."

Danny gets up and runs to the edge of the counter. "That was Tim. What happened? Is he coming over? Fuck that means I have to clean up."

"He's coming over, um actually he asked to stay a bit something about a stranger watching his apartment, which I mean we are trying to stop the unknowing, so that could be the case." Martin frowns and waves his hand, and both Sasha and Danny return to their normal size sitting on the counter. "I shouldn't have you both tiny when he's over."

"Dibs on first shower and be nice to my brother!" Danny rushes over to the bathroom.

Sasha chuckles. "I don't mean to laugh he has missed a lot. Is Tim really that uh well... Danny mentioned it has happened before but uh."

"He's really angry, Sasha." Martin frowns messing with his sleeve. "He tried to take a trip to run away, and he just got sicker and sicker until he got back. Not to mention the whole stalking incident with Jon following him. Things have been really bad for everyone. I'm trying to stay positive, but I feel as if it's making things worse. I can't just suddenly go surprise I'm not human, and I'm trying to stop the end of the world like all of you." He sighs, hiding his hands, which now have sharp claws. "Sorry, it's hard to hide my inhumane nature with you guys under my control. I enjoy pretending to be human too much, it seems. You must think I'm awful."

Sasha pulls him into a hug. "Martin, you're one of the best guys I've ever met. I don't care that you're not human. You're still Martin, right?"

Martin nods and quickly wipes the tears from his face. "Yeah, I'm still me."

"Then who cares what you are. I certainly don't, and I'm not just saying that because I want to steal and wear one of your sweaters." Sasha breaks out in a grin as Martin laughs softly.

"You can just ask." Martin smiles.

"Nah, the heartfelt guilt trip was needed." Sasha smiles back wider.

"I really did miss you, even if I didn't know you were gone till the not you tried to kill us." Martin sighs.

Sasha chuckles. "I think that means I get two sweaters."

Martin chuckles. "Ok ok fine. You drive a hard bargin."

Sasha giggles. "I know what I'm worth."

......

The knock on the door is answered by Martin because Sasha kept Danny from lunging at the door. Tim stands at the door slightly disheveled. A faint smell of ash comes off of him he's in an old black t-shirt and sweatpants. He had a large suitcase next to him and looked embarrassed. "Hey Martin, I'm sorry for the short notice."

Martin smiles softly. "Don't worry about it. I know how awful things are, and well, it's better not to be alone, right?"

Tim nods and raises a tired brow when Martin stops him. "What?"

"Look before you come in. I do have to warn you. I mean, not warn, but uh...." Martin is cut off by Danny shouting.

"TIM GUESS WHO'S BACK FROM THE DEAD!" Danny shouts, and Martin flinched.

"He bit my bloody hand!" Sasha shouts after.

Martin covers his face as Tim looks like a deer in headlights and promptly passes out.

.......

Tim takes a deep breath from his spot on the couch. "So that wasn't a dream."

"Well, it was." Danny corrects. "Dreams are an access point for supernatural creatures to use to talk to the living. So prophetic dreams do hold weight if you actually realize you're talking to something, not human." He rubs the back of his neck. "I've had a bit of time on my hands being dead, so I decided to do research on how to get back to apologize for everything, I guess. Then I got into other things, and well, now we're here."

Sasha hums, sipping her tea. "To be fair, he roped me in by accident, but I'm not hating the situation. Although the marriage thing isn't where I thought he would take it."

Martin groans, covering his face.

Tim gives a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, Martin."

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault it's your brother's, and I'm starting to realize you can't control that man into any sane decisions, only extremes." Martin uncovered his face. "It's also based on consent, so you did have to agree to it.... my consent doesn't exactly matter in the equation because for demons, I'm considered a minor, so my father had to approve the decision. This means that Danny really annoyed him enough, or he created a loophole in the situation that he can return to the living world. Actually, it's probably the later half. The fears have been er awful to any other supernatural they have to put effort into uh doing anything to them. I want to stop the end of the world because I thought if I could, they would get their freedom back and not be stuck in their realms or forced into hiding." He frowns deeper. "I don't know much about what happened to the other species. I was too young, and my father didn't feel comfortable telling me. Just because I try so hard to be human still doesn't mean I'm human. I'm sorry you're stuck slowly turning to a demon and stuck with me." He hides his clawed hands and hugs his chest.

Tim reaches out and pats Martin's thigh. "I think this is stopping next from actually killing myself. I mean, I had a feeling that whatever it meant to destroy the circus, I knew I would go with it." He forces a smile. "Martin, you're the best out of all of us. I'm sorry you're stuck with me."

Danny crosses his arms. "Tim, would you quit that you're a catch."

"Not the time or point." Tim huffs and crosses his arms as well.

"Well that's out if the way is it too early to ask that I can come back to the archives to fuck with everyone? I think Jon deserves it because of the stalking thing." Sasha smiles knowing she is breaking the tension and relaxing everyone.

"If Sasha gets to do that, can I pretend to be you? I want to see what a weird cursed archive is like." Danny hums.

"No, you can't pretend to be me." Tim rolls his eyes.

"Fine, then can I hide in your pocket?" Danny gives Tim a look.

"My pocket? Danny you are a fully grown man, for fucks sake you're taller than me." Tim pinched his brow.

"I can change that..." Martin interjected.

"What?" Tim stares at Martin then back to Danny, who has basically shrunk down to pocket size.

"I can fit in your awful Hawaiian shirts!" Danny smirks at his brother.

"To be fair, that is a perk since we can eat a normal chocolate bar, but it becomes the size of us." Sasha says before sipping her tea.

"My Hawaiian shirts are not awful." Tim breaks out in a small genuine smile. He picks up his brother. "You still have no taste."

"I have a better taste than you." Danny huffs, sticking out his tongue. He stops and gasps. "I'll be pocket Danny. I'll be like clippy and give you advice from your pocket."

"You've been dead over five years, Danny. I highly doubt your advice will be relevant." Sasha raised her brow.

"I know more about the supernatural than he does." Danny rolls his eyes.

"Can you help with the fears?" Tim raised his brow.

"No." Danny crosses his arms. "But I still think it's a good idea."

"You just want the excuse to stay small." Sasha chuckles knowing she hit the nail on the head.

"If he wants it, I can keep him like that." Martin rubs his arm. "I have full control over his form, among other things."

Tim sighs and relents. "Fine, you can stay in my pocket, but you have to behave."

Danny jumps happy. "Fuck yeah pocket Danny is happening."

Tim wipes his eyes. "I missed you."

Danny smiles. "I know, but now you can't get rid of me."

.......

Tim stretches, and for sleeping on the couch, it wasn't as uncomfortable as he thought it would be. Martin kept insisting he took the bed, but he crashed his apartment, and it was only fair that he took the couch. Soft, quiet snores to his side from his brother on a bed made for a doll, and Sasha was in the same position on the other end table. He never thought he would be able to see or talk to either of them ever again, but he's happy with this even if it's odd.

Tim sits up and rubs his eyes. He turned his attention to a new noise, and it was Martin. He did not expect to see him in just boxers and realize a few things. The fat chub was hiding muscle underneath like an actual strongman. He has a long ass tail that seems to glow at the end. Freckles cover his body, and he has the same markings as him. "Morning."

Martin freezes, and his tail stands up and seems to glow brighter, but Tim realizes that a blue flame at the end of his tail. "I oh... uh, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

Tim shakes his head. "I've always been early to rise, Martin. The depression has only made it worse." He gets off the couch and walks closer to Martin, who was holding his tail like a security blanket. "Are you ok?"

Martin gets a blush on his cheeks. "I uh just a bit jittery." He holds his tail closer. "I'm not exactly used to actively having to suppress my powers and outward appearance. Having Sasha and Danny er didn't make me stronger not in any way that truly matters, it's more so the fact that I have them my demonic half is overtaking my human half faster than before which means soon I'll be as strong as I am in hell. I know that sounds weird, but that's as well as I can describe it." He sighs. "I like being human or at the very least pretending to be human."

"Why haven't you burned anything?" Tim bit his lip. It's been a long time since he joked around or purposely asked dumb questions, but he needed to distract Martin from spiraling.

Martin furrows his brow and looks down at his tail. "I uh... well, my dad said it's like a ghost flame. It won't affect anything unless I want it, too, or I focus on it. I can control myself." He stops and sighs. "I mean I uh..."

"Can I touch it?" Tim was already reaching out.

Martin nearly jumps at the new touch. "Most people don't like it."

"The fire's cold." Tim stared at it in awe. "It's kind of cute."

"C-cute?" Martin doesn't pull his tail back even as Tim rubs the soft, short fur.

"I mean, yeah. It's also soft like velvet. I can feel your muscle under the skin, too." Tim stops, and let's go. "Sorry, I probably shouldn't uh pet you like that. I mean, it's your body. I didn't even wait for the consent."

Martin shakes his head. "N-no, it's fine." He drops his tail, and it curls around his legs loosely. "Most people are either disgusted by it or well, not good things. I'm glad you don't mind it. I mean, it makes me feel better that my husband isn't disgusted by my body."

"Thoes people are idiots." Tim smiles. "Well, I hope you like my body too."

"I mean, you're a bit thin..." Martin tries to keep a straight face, but he starts to giggle, and Tim joins him.

"Ah, I knew the depressed not eating would be my downfall." Tim chuckles. "Well we can fix that with breakfast."

Martin smiles. "Breakfast is a good start." He pauses. "Thank you... I mean, thank you for not freaking out about all of this. We don't ever have to be close or anything. I know you could probably do better than me, but just so you know, we can just be friends and nothing more."

Tim hums. "Now I'm going to take that as a challenge to make you fall for me."

"Tim, be serious." Martin huffs. "I'll make some eggs. You can use the bathroom first." He quickly shuffles to the kitchen to start cooking.

Tim's nerves were raw, and he felt excited. It's such a wild thing going from being nunb and angry to these bubbling feelings of happiness, relief, and something else he won't label. He made his way to the bathroom with a small smile. He was actually looking forward to tomorrow. He can't remember when he felt like that.

.....

"Where's Tim?" Danny was normal sized and rushing around Martin's apartment only had woken up ten minutes ago.

"On a morning run." Martin sighs and rubs his eyes. "We both woke up too early for a Sunday."

Sasha hums, eating her name covered toast. "If you didn't sleep like the dead, you would have been able to see him before he left like I did."

Danny rolls his eyes. "Don't be so obnoxious." He sighs. "Are you ok?" He motions to Martin who was swaying.

Martin nods. "Mmh, fine, just a spirit close by that, er..." He sighs. "I've never made my first deal yet, and that means I'm very sensitive to others who desire to make a deal. I can normally ignore it, but things have changed."

"So you have a need to take someone soul er spirit?" Sasha raised her brow.

Martin waves his hands. "No, nothing like that. Every demon needs to make at least one deal. It's kind of like the final step of puberty. If I do it, that means my human half will finally be all gone, but I will have to eventually do it, even if it's just a spirit asking for final words to be passed on and in exchanged I could just ask for advice." He crosses his arms. "But since my father is who they are, my first deal will end up with me having that spirit or when that person dies spirit with me like you guys. I don't have control over that. It has to do with my strength and powers. Spirits are a way to conduct or restrain it, so it's not a major issue. You two help me more than you realize even if it doesn't look like it."

"So then, using us as weapons means you're even stronger?" Danny pauses as Martin nods. "That is pretty cool, but another question you can't release us, you wouldn't be able to release the other one as well?"

"For my first deal, yeah. Hence why I'm not exactly so keen on finding a stranger or being lured by a stranger." Martin frowns. "My dad's spirits from what I can remember are close to him, like family. I haven't been able to see or talk to my father since I was 13, though."

"What if we help? I mean, well, be stuck with them, too." Sasha swallows her final bite.

"Ooo yeah, we can judge and give scores." Danny nods along.

"You two don't have to be close." Martin rubs his arm. "You already knew that, didn't you."

Danny and Sasha share a look and nod.

Martin sighs. "You guys want to be close?"

"I mean, I already viewed Tim as a brother. He's my best friend, and I mean Danny is obnoxious, and a little childish, but he isn't a bad guy and if we are going to be around a long time I rather be around people I care about." Sasha smiles. "Besides eternity alone sounds like a nightmare."

"Rude." Danny huffs and breaks out in a smile. "However, she's right. I know how this stuff works, and it would kind of be awful if none of us got along. Like imagine us fighting in your head while you use us."

Martin makes a face. "I would very much not like to imagine that." He smiles softly. "Alright, fine, but you guys can't have a say. I literally can't take you guys with me when I'm summoned."

"You can be summoned?" Sasha blinks.

Martin makes a motion with his hand. "I mean kind of, I don't have my own summoning circle yet due to not making my first deal, but at this moment I was be dragged off to whatever spirit or person has the strongest desire for a deal whatever that entails."

"Is that why you didn't sleep?" Danny hums.

Sasha stares at Danny then to Martin who looked a bit guilty.

Martin sighs heavily. "Yeah, that's why I haven't slept. I can't exactly control things or actively stop myself from being summoned."

Sasha and Danny share a glance.

Martin huffs. "You can't watch me sleep. My physical body won't come with me if it's a spirit who summons me. If the person is alive, it would be physical. If they aren't, then I won't have to be physical, and that means I won't look human." He bites his lip. "Only my father has seen me in my true form, and even then, I didn't even finish puberty. I probably look really different."

Danny rushed over, surprising Martin with a hug. "Alright, big guy, that's enough of that. I bet you look like an awesome demon and you'll be Tim's type."

"How?" Martin blinks in surprise.

"Tim has a thing for creatures." Danny shrugs. "Never understood the fascination, but I can tell you the stuff I found of his growing up."

"Please don't." Martin pushes Danny away as Sasha giggles.

"Was the not me at least hot?" Sasha wiggles her eyebrows.

"No?" Martin tilts his head.

"Yes." Tim interrupts, shutting the door behind him. "Also, you can't ask Martin that he doesn't find the female figure attractive."

Martin opens his mouth and then shuts it, nodding in defeat.

"I want to know what the not me looked like now." Sasha hums.

Danny huffs rushing his brother. "You're an ass you could have taken me with you on your run."

Tim chuckles. "You never woke up early enough to run with me even as kids."

"You're terrible. Go back to being angry and depressed." Danny rolls his eyes.

"Now, who's awful?" Tim playfully punches him, and he did feel lighter.

"Still you." Danny smirks.

Tim rolls his eyes. "I can't believe I missed you."

"You're only saying that because now you can't get rid of me." Danny pulls Tim into a hug.

"Dude, let go. I'm sweaty and gross." Tim can't stop smiling.

"Nah, you stink normally. I got used to it." Danny laughs as Tim pushes him away.

Tim gives him the middle finger as he heads to take a shower.

......

"So, should I also be pocket-sized tomorrow?" Sasha hums, lowering the volume on the TV.

Martin was doing his best to stay awake and didn't hear the question.

Tim raised his brow. "Honestly, I don't think you ever quit or got fired, so you would technically be returning to work."

"Besides, I'm already going to be pocket-sized." Danny hums shutting his book. "I also have no experience with the fears besides what killed me, so I really don't know how to handle basically a sanctuary for the Beholder."

"I did also threaten Elias yesterday." Tim frowns. "Granted, a man with black eyes showed up and scared his cats."

"You threatened Elias?" Sasha raised her brow.

"To be fair, it's not like we can get fired or quit, and secondly, I thought he caused the markings and the dream." Tim sighs. "He's also a dick and a murderer so I feel justified."

"Martin did tell us about that, but in Elias's defense, Leitner had it coming." Sasha shrugs.

"I hate that I agree with that, but you're right. That old man had it coming." Tim hums, sipping his tea. "I also don't feel bad that he tried to frame Jon, but that's because he was stalking me because he thought I killed Gertrude, which Elias also did."

Danny nods. "A point in your favor."

"I don't need you keeping score." Tim rolls his eyes.

"Did the man with black eyes have red hair?" Sasha pursed her lips.

"He did. Why?" Tim frowns.

"You can't say it's the same devil we dealt with that feels kind of racist... speciest? I dunno it sounds bad." Danny crosses his arms.

"I mean to be fair, it could be, and that demon could be Martin's father." Sasha shrugs.

"You would be correct." A deep voice interrupts, scaring the three who are awake.

Tim curses.

Danny jumps.

Sasha nearly bites through her lip.

The redheaded man with black eyes smiles. "A shame I came a bit too late. It seems my boy fell asleep." He leans over the couch, and he reeks of ash and smoke. "Your brother is quite clever. He spent his time dead well. You, however, weren't supposed to die that young, I can't tell you how many reapers are furious at the fears toying with lives."

Tim swallows. "What do you want?"

"I want a lot of things." The man laughs. "However, for the moment, I wish to talk to my son. I will, however, not rouse him from sleep. He's a growing boy and needs his rest." He smiles fondly, snapping his fingers and changing the couch so Martin is lying down. "He's grown so much."

Sasha smiles softly before returning her attention to the man. "Who are you?"

"I go by many names. Dunno what I'll choose today or tomorrow. People tend to decide for me. I do like the name Jack, though." The man sighs. "I don't know what he would like from me. I won't stay. I know I frighten you three. I curse his mother, but him, my boy, did nothing wrong and deserves more than I can do or give."

Tim speaks up. "He wants to speak with you." He flinched as the man focused his gaze on him.

"When he wakes, I shall return." He brushes the hair out of Martin's face. "I can not wake him from this."

"You don't have to go." Danny waves his hands nervously. "I mean, wouldn't it be better for you to stay and wait?"

The man hums low and dark, scratching his goatee. "I suppose I can stay." He frowns and stands up, shifting his weight, trying to be less intimidating. He knew the three were terrified of him and only were being polite. He wasn't quite good at being approachable or not scary.

Sasha gets up from the couch. "I'm not as good as Martin, but I can make you some tea." She smiles nervously.

"That wouldn't be necessary, but it would be kind." The man nods.

Sasha nods and rushes to the kitchen to start on the tea.

.....

The man struggled against his binds. He looked like a three-dimensional object was forced on a two-dimensional plane, which was incredibly painful. He was screaming and begging for freedom at any cost, cursing the person who trapped him on the page.

A new noise filled the air as the screams stopped as the man was freed. Soft clicks of legs and spider legs against a hard surface approached. A monster stood over the man who barely had the strength to look up.

"Please, I just want to die." The man was weak and his voice soft and quiet. He stared up at the monster as they reached for him, pulling him up. "I don't want to serve a fear. I just... I'm so tired." He feels a sharp tug in his chest as a chain forms, attaching himself to the monster.

The monsters voice was softer than the man would expect. A clawed hand brushed the hair out of his face and smiled with too many teeth. "You're already dead. I can't kill something twice." They pick up the man. "I'm sorry for accepting your deal."

The man felt newfound strength as he was carried. "What? What did you do to me?"

"You asked to be freed from that prison, and I accepted the deal. Unfortunately for you, this was my first ever deal, so you're stuck with me, and I apologize." The monsters feet clicked against whatever they were walking against in an extremely calming manner.

"I'm stuck with you?" The man finally looks into the eight eyes of the monster.

"I can summon you and change your form to my will." The monster pauses. "N-not that it will hurt, you won't feel it, I promise that. I, uh, I mean.. this is weird. I'm sorry."

The man tilts his head. "You don't have experience with this."

"Not much, really, and the other two already knew what they were getting into.... well, one did and just informed the other." The monster uses his other arms to cover his face. "You'll be able to live again, or whatever you choose to do, I can make sure you're in a form to do it."

"I'll be able to be me again?" The man stares up at the monster.

"If you want." The monster rubs the back of their neck. "Uh, I do have two others like you. They can eat sleep and don't mind me changing their form. They enjoy being made the size of a doll to eat, however, since the food is so big in comparison."

The man stares at the monster in awe. "You allow that?"

"W-why wouldn't I? I don't want them to be miserable. We are figuring this out together, and the least I can do is to make things better for them. I know we won't ever be on equal footing due to the nature of this situation." They hold the chain from the man's chest. "I just never want to force you guys to be unhappy. We are now stuck together."

"You're very kind for being a fear." The man let's a smile slip.

"I'm not a fear creature... er avatar? I don't know what the proper term is." The monster looks nervous. "My name is Martin, and I'm a demon. Other beings exist besides the fear gods, even if they kind of forced everyone else to well that isn't isn't important my my father knows more than me." Martin whines. "I'm sorry I'm talking your ears off and just rambling about things that make no sense."

"Gerry." The man smiles. "My name is Gerard Keay, but you can call me Gerry. Also, what kind of demon name is Martin?"

"M-mine?" Martin stutters. "My mom named me."

"Not really creative." Gerry raised his brow and snickers.

Martin pauses and smiles. "I suppose it's not. I don't think Gerry is that special either."

Gerry laughs softly. "Nope." He sighs. "Where are we even going?"

"I'm going back to my body, and you'll be reforming in my being. Well, just until you can reform physically. I can try to summon you to make it faster." Martin hums, rubbing his neck. "But you can also wait and rest as long as you need."

"How long?" Gerry frowns.

"However long you want." Martin smiles.

"That sounds nice." Gerry smiles back. "Probably won't take too long. I want to meet the others chained to you."

"You have all the time you want." Martin stops walking. "For the moment, I welcome you to my being, and I think you'll learn about everything you need while you rest inside. I don't know. I'm very new to this." With a free hand, he snaps, and a bed appears. "You rest, and I have to wake up now.... well, I have to return to my body."

Gerry yawns and nods. The bed was the softest, comfyiest bed he had ever been in. "Thank you."

Martin nods and vanishes from view.

......

Martin rubbed his chest, and he could feel Gerry in his very core. It wasn't bad, per say, just weird. He opened his eyes and heard a loud argument he knew one voice was Tim, and the other sounded old fashioned. He sat up and turned his head to see Tim with a whiteboard and a man with a different whiteboard, pointing at things he didn't really understand. Danny looked confused, and Sasha was holding back laughter and... oh...

The man with black eyes locked eyes with Martin and smiled, and suddenly, he was sitting next to him. "Your husband mentioned a certain architect, and he just so happens to be one of my spirits I've made permanent, among others." He hums. "They've been having a very lively discussion on modern architecture compared to the historical."

"I remember him. Do you still have his friends?" Martin pauses as the man nods. "I uh... I missed you."

"You did?" The man breaks out in a smile. "I want more time with you if you so allow it."

"I would like that, dad." Martin turns his attention back to the heated argument. "Do you know who's er... winning?"

"I have to admit both men have their points and have their flaws in each of their arguments. However, I'm not an expert in the topic, so I wouldn't know." He smiles. "I think I like the title of dad."

Martin smiles a bit wider. "I would hope so."

The man chuckles low and dark. "Should I stop him?"

"No, they both seem to be having fun." Martin sighs and rubs his chest.

"You've made your first deal." The man hums and hands him an ice pack. "A quite damaged spirit as well, use this, it will help with the bruising."

Martin takes the ice pack and places it to his chest. "How did you know?"

"A few reasons, however, your power is cradling them as they heal. I can recognize the damage from the fears. I'm sorry I used your friends as a way to return to the surface. I am a selfish creature, and I wanted to see my son again, and I want a way to get even."

"You wanted to see me?" Martin couldn't keep the hopeful tone out of his voice.

The man pulls Martin in a half hug. "Your mother, I curse, but you've done nothing wrong, and I think I like being a dad." He brushed the hair out of Martin's face. "I wish to have been there for you, but I am here now. Your mother has stolen something I can not conceive ever to return. However I have you now if you'll have me."

"I would like to get to know you." Martin smiles softly. "And I would like you to know me."

"I would like that very much." The man sighs as a marker is thrown, and he catches it. "Robert, I told you not to throw things." Black eyes lock with green.

"And I need your attention to settle an argument." A Scottish accent with a slight hint of annoyance comes from the man.

Martin raised his brow, watching his father appear next to Robert.

"What is so pressing you interrupt me with my son?" The man crosses his arms and leans over him. This intimates the others in complete silence.

Robert huffs. "You're not going to get any meaningful conversation with a man who just woke up." He turns his head and points to the whiteboard. "Barnabas, can you grab him? Our conversation has turned, and I have a post to prove that this Elias is Jonah."

The man chuckles. "I can tell you that is correct. Although the Beholder methods are crude, Jonah has no choice in who he takes over. I did promise you both to take him, he however believes me to be a myth."

"That's why you called Elias, Jonah." Tim pauses and sighs. "Fuck that makes so much sense in hindsight."

"Is that why he looks so odd?" Martin interrupts.

"Wait, what do you mean by that?" Sasha raised her brow.

The man hums and nods. "My boy isn't human. He can see things you couldn't. The fears barely have a grasp on humanity, which means things don't fit perfectly or correctly. A being who isn't human can see those flaws. It's a reason why the fears have forced us away in a polite sense to the reality of what they've done." He frowns. "Let's just say some humans you've met shouldn't be human. Such as yourself, Timothy, and your brother. I knew your mother before... ah, well, that's enough of that."

Tim furrows his brows. "What do you mean by that?"

Danny places a hand on Tim's shoulder. "I can explain later... it's not exactly a happy story."

Tim frowns and crosses his arms.

The man sighs and frowns. "I apologize. I've overstepped."

Robert shakes his head. "They will find out eventually like we did."

Martin has gotten up and walked next to his father. "Can you explain to us now? I mean, just what the fears did. You've never told me."

The man sighs and snaps his fingers, and the apartment shifts, and everyone is sitting at a round table. "I suppose you are old enough to understand and comprehend the weight of the horrors. The real pain started ages ago, but I shall shorten it to the time before you were born about five years before that...."

......

The apartment was silent as the man returned everything back to normal. "I apologize for changing your apartment."

Martin shakes his head. "Don't be, I'll have to figure out how to do it, eventually." He swallows. "Tim, are you ok?"

Tim had his arms wrapped around his chest, and he swallows. "Are you sure that's what I am?"

"Yes, and you should start to wear glasses. The human half of you will become demonic, and that has a chance to trigger your true genetics." The man sighs. "I apologize again for what I've told you. The truth is not an easy thing to grasp."

Robert pats Tim's shoulder. "As someone who had to face this two hundred years ago, I understand your confusion and frustration."

Tim nods. "I have glasses. I normally wear contacts." He allows Danny to take him into a guest room the man creates.

Sasha covers her mouth. "It was like an extinction event, but they're still around?"

"Forced to be human or trapped in their own worlds, or in cases like Timothy and Daniel's mother mind wiped clean and replaced with different memories." The man gives Martin a hug. "I again apologize for using your friends and forcing you in a marriage to free myself."

Martin hugs back tightly. "I would have asked you to do it again. Will you help me? No, us stop this unknowing?"

"Of course, to the best of my abilities. Keep getting stronger, my little flame. Maybe we can finally tip the scales and help fix what was broken and stolen." He smiles. "I have to go, but I'll be back."

Martin nods and watches his father vanish with Robert in tow. He rubs the tears on his face. "I'm sorry."

"Fucking don't apologize." Sasha huffs and walks over to Martin grabbing his arm. "Fuck feeling bad I died and now I'm back and you're going to use me to fix this and hurt these fears. I mean, that sounded wrong, but it's true. I want to train together and we can help everyone."

Martin cracks a smile. "Thank you, Sasha. What about work?"

"Fuck it I was never fired I'm going in tomorrow and we're going to work from the inside out. I mean, ugh, we're going to tell the others, and we are going to be able to do something." Sasha sighs, and let's go. "Also, probably stop Tim from attacking Jon if Jon is back."

"Yeah..." Martin sighs. "Tim has a support system again, and Jon doesn't, and if he spirals, it won't be good, and he doesn't deserve to be attacked. I mean, he doesn't even have his apartment anymore he lives in the archives." He frowns and bites his nail. "Shoot I promised I wouldn't say anything."

"That's really depressing." Sasha's frown deepens. "Yeah, help Jon is going to the top of the list among other things."

Martin rubs his chest.

"You need a new ice pack." Sasha heads to the freezer and takes out a bag of frozen vegetables. "This will work."

Martin nods and takes it, placing it against his chest. "Y-yeah have to talk to Tim."

"I'll talk to Tim and Danny. You need to rest." Sasha crossed her arms. "I'll explain everything while you nap on the couch."

Martin knew better than to argue and headed to the couch his father modified.

......

Sasha enters the new guest room to find Danny comforting Tim on the bed. "Hey, is it alright if we three talk?"

Tim swallows and nods. "What about?"

"Work, the Magnus Institute, Jon, and Martin, I guess." Sasha sighs and sits on the other side of Tim. "Didn't know Jon was homeless."

"Jon's homeless?" Tim raised his brow, then shook his head. "Makes sense, Elias did frame him for murder for a bit."

"Shouldn't we call him Jonah?" Danny interjects.

Tim shrugs.

Sasha sighs. "Martin wants you to go easy on him. He's still the best out of all of us."

"I'm the worst." Tim groans, laying back. "I know depression anger and whatever, but still. He's still so kind, and now we're married, and he still asks if I'm ok with everything. He didn't even have a choice, and I thought I was going crazy. I know it's only been two days, but still, I don't know what to do."

"You can start with an actual date." Danny lays down next to his brother. "But the other stuff we have, I don't know."

Sasha looks over the two men. "I told Martin we should tell the others in the archives the truth."

"They will think we're crazy without proof." Tim pauses, then sits up. "I mean, logically, they would think you both are strangers disguised as dead loved ones, and hence try to kill you both."

"You... they won't be able to." Danny stretches out on the bed. "You can't kill something twice first off, and second, if they do damage us enough, we'll be like that new spirit with Martin healing inside of his being, hence the ice pack. Did he ever give us a name?"

"No, and I have to ask. Are you guys ok with that?" Tim frowns and rubs his arm.

"The thing is, it had to happen, so we don't really have a say, but I don't know the guy or gal, so I can't make any judgments." Sasha sighs.

"Whoever they are, their spirit was ripped to shreds." Danny sits back up. "The sheer amount of damage to hurt someone with Martin's level of power just to heal is astonishing they were probably begging for a second death from the pain." He crosses his arms. "Time doesn't move the same when you're dead and come to. I've had a lot of time on my hands, and I used that to learn everything I could about my situation and what I was. In doing that, I learned a lot about demons and deals and why having spirits binded to them is important, especially those who are the most powerful, like Martin and his father and multiple spirits are mandatory unless you want an apocalyptic disaster to happen. I'm rambling, but to tell you the truth, I'm not upset at the situation, and I'm glad I dragged you both into the mess."

"First off, I never said I was upset to be in this situation, and second, I feel bad for the new guy." Sasha frowns. "I can't imagine being hurt that bad."

Tim shakes his head. "That's horrid."

Danny sighs and frowns. "We have time to tell about tomorrow." He grabs his brother's arm. "Stop being so harsh on yourself. You know, once Martin made his first deal, he could have broken your marriage, and he didn't. It could have been a number of reasons, but it's definitely not because he hates you."

"Would that stop me from uh yaknow..." Tim stops as Danny shakes his head. "Ah, right, so how long till I lose my legs?"

"You're acting as if that's a bad thing." Danny huffs and rolls his eyes. "Think about how good you'll be at hugs you can put your whole body into it."

"Male snakes also have two dicks." Sasha chuckles at Tim's groan. "Come on, what you don't like jokes anymore?"

"That's nit a joke because it's true." Tim sighs covering his face.

"How do you know that?" Sasha playfully punches Tim's arm.

"Danny's face." Tim sighs.

Danny huffs. "I told you I did a lot of reading a few biology books slipped through. You won't be entirely like a snake. You'll still have different holes and not the things snakes have . Wait, I think birds have that, too."

"Danny, please stop talking." Tim uncovers his face and glares at his brother.

"Would you be able to unhinge your jaw?" Sasha hums. "He also talked about how male presenting gorgons were nearly unheard of due to how genetics fall kind of like female orange cats."

Tim lays back down and groans. "Stop talking."

"I mean, majority of the time, they would be intersex which can screw with the numbers. However, with Tim having Medusa's blessing on top of that, the odds of that are like one in a trillion probably even lower than that." Danny hums. "I think that's pretty neat."

Tim rolls his eyes. "Can we please stop talking about me and my genetics."

Sasha chuckles. "I suppose we can talk about work tomorrow. How are we going to convince the others I'm not a stranger and that I'm not a threat?"

"Polaroids can prove you're not a stranger, but everything else I don't know." Tim sits back up and crosses his arms. "If Daisy will be there, she might try to kill you."

"Scary hunt cop woman?" Sasha pauses as Tim nods. "I mean, it won't kill me."

"That doesn't mean it won't hurt." Danny raised a brow.

"I mean, yeah, but let's say she won't be there. We have to come up with a way to give evidence before violence breaks out." Sasha hums. "You being pocket sized could either help or hurt that."

"I mean, we don't know, well I don't know. I've never met any of these people you have." Danny frowns. "I say fuck it if we look too rehersed than we'll be suspicious."

Tim sighs. "Alright, well, go with Danny in my pocket, and Sasha is just going back to work, and if anything happens, we'll go from there."

Danny and Sasha nod.

.......

"Jonathan, welcome back." Elias stands in the archives smiling, early enough nobody else has arrived. "I told you to call me when you arrived."

Jon rubs his eyes from his desk. "Can't you just know where I am?"

"I could, however..." Elias looks like he keeps talking, and no noise comes out, and he looks panicked for a moment, and he turns to see a familair black-eyed man.

The man chuckles low and dark, and Jon shoots up fully awake. "The reason your last name is Sims is because your father took your mother's last name." He tilts his head and smiles. "You do take after your father."

Elias raised his brow, crossing his arms with a silent huff.

Jon raised his brow. "He died when I was two...why did I tell you that?"

The man smiles. "I tend to have that effect when I so desire." His heals click against the floor as he approaches Jon. "However." He tilts Jon's head up. "You have your mother's eyes. Unfortunately, it seems the fear is taking that away from you."

Jon swallows he feels absolutely terrified. "W-what are you?"

"I can be considered many things." His grip tightens around Jon's neck as he smiles with wicked glee. "I, however, dislike that little trick of yours." The man releases Jon as fast as he choked him. "Although I cannot blame you, you're unaware of what you're becoming, not what you should be." He turns his gaze away and walks to Elias.

Elias steps back, but it's not enough.

"Your mother's name was Edith, small little thing, her own power stripped away by the man who claimed her. Trying to protect her little girl, unaware that she was a man. Humans have quite the way of poisoning the truth." He places a clawed finger under Elias's chin. "I wonder how things would have changed if you knew the truth of yourself, but all that's left is your eyes. Your little fear never lets you stay long enough to ever find out." He chuckles low and dark.

Elias can feel something wet drip down his cheek.

"Ever wonder why your body never rots?" The man laughs and vanishes.

Elias gasps and is finally able to make noise again. He wipes his face and grits his teeth. He adjusts his suit and leaves without another word.

Jon rubs his throat. For some reason, he knew that wasn't another avatar, and whatever he was scared him more than anything he has ever encountered.

......

"You look awful." Melanie pauses. "Er, welcome back."

Jon swallows his throat, which was covered in a fresh bruise. "I think a new avatar broke in."

Barisa raised a brow. "Really? Did you bring something back from America? I'm guessing it was just Elias being a creepy bastard."

"N-no it was -" Jon stops and stares behind her.

A deep dark voice chuckles. "I don't enjoy hearing him speak with a stolen voice."

Both women turn to face the black-eyed man.

Melanie tries to throw a knife, but it passes through him like he never existed. "What are.... shit."

Barisa reaches for a gun she no longer has.

The man smiles and goes to speak but is interrupted.

"Dad?" Another red head with softer features and taller than the black eye man comes through the doors to the archives.

The man smiles but softer and hums. "Martin, I'm merely introducing myself to your coworkers. You work with Toshiro's son, and unfortunately, I don't believe he enjoys my company." He chuckles lowly. "It's amusing. He believes his father to be dead and not trapped. It is fortunate he kept a name with a J, his father was amused with the English pronation of the letter."

Martin tilts his head. "Right, but why are you here?" Tim is seen behind Martin along with a woman that looked familair.

The man scratches his goatee. "To meet your friends, and to look for something stolen. Maybe a better word is missing. However, I had hoped my presence would make it easier, but I was wrong in my assumption, or I haven't been here long enough." He catches a second blade thrown by Melanie instead of letting it go through him. He doesn't look at her. "It's rude to throw things, and you should have outgrown that behavior."

"You're scaring them." Martin sighs and crosses his arms.

The man frowns. "I tend to have that effect, unfortunately. I apologize for disrupting your workplace."

Jon finds his voice and stutters. "Good lord, that's your father!?"

Martin rubs the back of his neck, and he nods. "Nothing has really started, and it's not like we can quit or be fired." He sighs. "Are you here to help?"

"Yes, but I believe I arrived too early, then I returned, and you weren't here until now." He bows. "I apologize for frightening you." He turns to Jon. "And I expect no questions from you."

Jon nods scared out of his mind.

Martin gives a heavy sighs.

Tim raised his brow. "You really have no people skills."

The man looks amused. "Forgive me, it's been a long time since I've been around normal people." He crushed the knife in his hand like it was made of tinfoil. "If you are trying to kill me, try a stronger blade or something else. It's been a long time since I've had a good assassination attempt on my life." He turns to Melanie, who pales as he hands her the ruined knife. "All in good fun, I hope."

"Martin, your father is absolutely terrifying, and I don't understand how you're not scared." The familair woman walks past Martin and goes to an empty desk.

"Time works differently where he's from." A voice comes from Tim's pocket, and a small man pokes his head out. "What may be a week or so here could be years or even decades there."

"That is true." The man smiles. "You are an odd one."

"Who's the man in your pocket?" Barisa finally speaks up.

"My brother." Tim shrugs.

"Tim's brother." Martin answers as well.

"Danny." Danny says from his brothers pocket. "I enjoy being tiny, also yes I know I died. I wouldn't be able to be this small without that being a factor yaknow."

"Why did I ever agree to keep you in my pocket?" Tim pinched his brow as his glasses slid down his nose.

"Because you love me. Also, we agreed this would be a great plan." Danny huffs climbing out of Tim's pocket and returning to normal size.

"No, you just decided it would be a great plan." The woman raised her brow.

The man chuckles. "You are quite an interesting man."

"That sounded like an insult." Danny frowns as the man smiles at him.

Martin sighs. "Let me explain before anything else happens."

......

"So just wh-" Jon clicks his mouth shut, rubbing his throat, and he tries to speak, but no sound comes out.

"Dad, give Jon his voice back." Martin crossed his arms and raised his brow.

The man snaps his fingers and frowns. "I do not appreciate the fears' powers to be used on me. I have warned him not to question me."

Danny hums and leans back, rolling his chair back. "Also, he won't ever give you an answer. I've tried. However, if you call him something, he'll just agree with you, which just adds to the er uh..." He snaps his fingers. "Fuck I forgot the word."

"Annoyance?" Tim raised his brow.

"No, that isn't it." Danny sighs. "Whatever. What I'm trying to say is that you'll never get a straight answer."

The man smiles. "I thought you enjoyed our conversations as you persuaded my library. You're the first spirit in a very long time to ever find it, let alone actually use it for its proper intended use." He leans back in his chair. "Although that knowledge won't help any of you with this so-called circus. I find the stranger fear to be odd. In order to be scared, you must have knowledge, for what is a fear to someone who doesn't understand?"

Danny shifts in his seat. "I didn't exactly come across it on purpose..."

"Oh, I know that." The man chuckles. "What confounds me, however, is that you haven't accused Daniel nor Sasha of being a stranger. You people always seem to attack first after being burned once."

Barisa frowns. "You're a good reason not to." She shifts away as his gaze shifts to her. "None of know what you're capable of, and you're not one of these fear creatures."

"Besides how can we be certain Martin is even yours he's human." Melanie huffs.

Martin looks away as eyes land on him. He sighs as he lifts up his sweater, and his tail unwraps from his waist. "I like my human form." He looks uncomfortable as he holds his tail like a security blanket. "If you need me to prove it more I c-can."

The man narrows his gaze at Melanie.

Melanie stiffens. "I apologize, Martin."

"I-its fine." Martin holds his tail closer. "It's not like he planned on having me."

The man appears next to Martin and places his hands on his shoulders. "Enough, that's enough. You don't have to explain yourself to them." Red flashes in the black pits of his eyes.

Martin reaches up and taps his arm. "Dad, don't..." He sighs and lets his tail go. "I prefer pretending to be human than being what I actually am. I was naive to think I would be able to actually stop the end of the world. I just wanted to help everyone." He frowns and rubs his chest. "We don't even know how to stop the unknowing, let alone help what was taken."

"That's not necessarily true." Jon starts speaking again, eyes trained on the man. "Gertrude had an idea on how to truly stop it, but we just don't know what that was."

The man tilts his head and hums. "Who is that?"

"Doesn't really matter who she was she's dead." Melanie sighs.

The man laughs. "My my, you hold no true imagination, do you? What do Daniel and Sasha have in common?"

Sasha's eyes flicker, and she hums. "How do we ask her?"

"It's not a matter of a how? It's more so if she is willing to answer." The man smiles, showing too many teeth for his mouth. "The fears have long ruined the balance of the world, so no spirits have a choice to try again, which is disastrous for a multitude of reasons none important for you to know." He hums.

Martin frowns. "Are you going to leave?"

"No, my dear boy." The man appears in the center of the room. "Unfortunately, spirits are no longer able to linger or haunt as you living call it. I can try my best to attempt to summon her, but I make no promises. My powers are limited until I can figure out how to tip the balance in any way I can."

"So like a seance?" Sasha raised her brow.

"No, that's a human thing, and that won't work. The fears have blocked off any way for humans to use any sort of magic unless it's the fears' own powers." The man snaps his fingers, and a blonde man appears in front of him he has stubble curly locks and piercing blue eyes. He was lean but muscular.

The blonde man blinks and looks around he speaks softly with a thick accent in a language nobody knew but it was French.

Martin blinks and smiles. "Hello, Barnabas."

The blonde man Barnabas smiles and bows as he spots Martin. "You've grown since we've last spoke little prince. I should have listened to Robert when he returned, but you know how he gets."

The man appears next to the wall, looking at the hanged photos. "I apologize for a short summace, Barnabas, but we require you to track a woman in the beyond. I don't believe she is in the rings, so you won't need my guidance."

"Ah, well, I am at your service." Barnabas smiles and bows again.

Jon points to the wall of previous archivists. "Gertrude's photo is the one to the foremost right."

The man grabs the framed photo and appears next to Barnabas. "This is your mark. You will alert me when you've found her, and I shall bring you both back here."

Barnabas hums and takes the photo. "How did she?"

"Oh, your old betrothed took care of her." The man smiles.

"He did? So when do I expect for him to join us?" Barnabas smiles as he is sent away and vanishes.

The man adjusts his tie. "Oh, you already know that answer." He smirks and turns to face the group. "Gertrude will be here when Barnabas finds her."

Jon blinks. "I'm sorry you're going to bring Gertrude here?"

"It's the simplest solution. Why guess her actions when you can ask?" The man sighs. "However time doesn't work properly where they both are, so I can not tell you how long it will take."

"So the dead speak." Melanie raised her brow.

"Dude, we're right here." Danny rolls his eyes.

"Did you meet her?" Sasha looks over to Danny.

"I don't know who that woman even is. Why would I have met her?" Danny shrugs. "Besides, I didn't really meet many other, er... I was busy reading."

Tim knew he was lying but bit his tongue.

"On another note, I've been dead a bit over a year, and you look awful, Jon." Sasha sighs. "Also, did you really stalk Tim and Martin and not the fake me?"

"Yes." Tim and Jon say at the same time, locking eyes.

"Yikes." Sasha bites her lip.

.......

Tim shuts the door behind him and crosses his arms. "Danny, you lied to me."

Danny frowns. "About what?" He smiles and tries to walk past his brother.

"Danny." Tim blocks him from leaving. "You told me you were where you're supposed to be and got worried."

Danny bites his lip. "Things aren't good back there." He sighs and sinks to the floor to sit. "Things are really bad, actually. You know Martin has my memories now. He's got Sasha's, too, and the new guy." He bites his lip. "What the fears have done to everything has broken down the afterlife. I ended up in Jack's library, er Martin's father. I started to call him Jack after a while."

Tim sits next to his brother. "What happened?"

"Time doesn't work down there once you really come to your senses." Danny frowns. "Time doesn't really matter after you die. I tried to leave and tried to understand. Then, I just started to read, translate, and read some more." He bites his lip and taps his fingers against the ground. "Things are really bad. People who have served their sentence can't go back to try again. People can't reincarnate. People can't go to the correct afterlife since they are sealed due to the fears blocking the other species from leaving. Everyone is stuck in purgatory. Nobody can do anything but set roots there, and it's not made for that Tim. I wasn't there long. I couldn't have been there long before the library."

Tim reaches out and holds Danny's hand. He was cold and shaking.

"I planned this with Jack. I used you and Sasha as a way to come back to try to fix this. We can't kill them, but we can forcefully undone the damage, right?" Danny stops when Tim covers his mouth, and he finally realizes he was crying.

"Danny breathe." Tim takes a deep breath and watches his brother copy, and lets it out. "I don't have to know everything. I don't have to hear this. I just want to make sure you're ok."

Danny matches his brother's breathing until he stops shaking. "I.... Sasha doesn't know... Martin knows more than he says.... Jack, er Jack really does care about Martin. He loves his son so much. He's been stuck, too, and I've met all his spirits. They are weird, but that's because of different time periods. I uh I'm ok." He takes one more deep breath. "I'm sorry things have sucked for you too. You're losing your humanity. You have to wear glasses again, and I know how much that bothers you, and I married you off to Martin."

Tim pulls Danny into a hug. "Shut up already. I don't care. I was getting ready to end it all anyhow, and now I have things to focus on to get better for." He sighs and pulls Danny closer after the hug. "We're both adults, and I shouldn't hide things from you. I just... things have been bad."

Danny nods. "For both of us."

"For both of us." Tim repeats.

.......

"I have to ask why you are wearing glasses now?

[greypetrel]

13 for aisling and radha for the codex asks :3

Hullo! :3 Thank you so much for asking!

Tis the prompt list

13. something written about your OC in the two years between defeating Corypheus and the beginning of Trespasser

Radha:

*a report sent to Skyhold from the Free Marches. It was encrypted, but after Charter translates it back from the code, it reads like this:*

My Lady Inquisitor,

I wouldn't dare to bother you, but I think you may have wanted to know this with the utmost importance.

We had been visited by an elf, I couldn't say whether Dalish or not. Her face doesn't bear any markings, even if she dressed in Dalish fashion and is keen on lore. She showed up and presented some documents signed by you.

I do not know what to think of it: she started requestiong funds and provisions to enter the Temple you discover some years ago. She asked for men to patrol its borders, and insisted quite a lot when we told her no. The place is haunted, your Worship, the men don't want to stay there more than the strict necessary, but the elf insisted.

She had a paper telling us she acted in your name, and so we had no chance but to obey. I now doubt she was really associated with you. She stayed three days in the Temple, and then greeted us and disappeared, as abruptly as she had come, and told us to keep patrolling the building.

No one has any idea what she did all that time alone in the ruins, but I doubt you would want to take men away from the garrison to guard an empty elven ruin: I suspect a thief and some clever forgery, and as instructed, wrote to tell you back.

I'm not risking my men like so before having a word from you directly.

With respect, Lieutenant Orwell

Aisling:

*a note, written in an elegant cursive, a droplet of dried wax in a corner*

Aisling, These are the letters I received from the Comte in Sylbois regarding our last intrusion to bring supplies directly to the villages. Please read them and help me find an answer. I know it was effective and we cut time and losses and the people are happier… But I can only do this much damage control, and we need the nobility, as much as you don’t like it. Please. Josie

*another note follows, it smells like horse and the cursive is slanted and rushed, letters very similar together. A classic doctor calligraphy, hard to read for a person who isn’t used to it.*

Josie, I am sorry I’m making this complicated for you. But the drought and the war left those villagers with little to no food. I wrote him and send the letter when the supplies left, notifying him of what was going on, apologizing and included a . If his memory is so short that he can forget about it, it’s not my fault. The money is listed in my personal expenses as proof. I know we need the aristocracy, but not at the cost of sacrificing people if he can’t do his job. Sorry, I slept little this night, I shouldn’t be so brisk. I’ll answer him myself, ask Charter to help me and form a letter that will prevent further complaints. As much as I hate the Game, it’s useful in these situations. Tea later? The cook baked beignets. A hug, Aisling

*a third note, in the same handwriting of the first one*

Aisling, I know the situation is dire… But please, next time can I ask you to tell the couriers to wait for the Comte’s permission before entering the town? Ask Charter for those secrets beforehand, relying on their good hearts and fixing it afterward may be worse. Use the Game to your advantage, sooner rather than later. It’s nice that after years, you’re still making these mistakes. In the nicest possible way. Tea and beignets sounds fantastic, honestly, this treaty with Orzammar is really drying my patience up and I need something sweet. Can we correct the tea with some of that Dalish brew you brought from Wycome? I may even forgive you for making me work overtime with De Fourier. :) Josie

*a fourth note, in the ugly calligraphy. There’s a doodle of an animal, but it’s difficult to distinguish which animal is it. It’s roundish, it has a tail, and ears, and a big smile under a triangular nose.*

Josie, The Game is stupid. A lot of circumvoluted things to get to the same end result. Bah. Can I ask you to proof-read my letter? I am afraid I wrote something wrong. It’s brief, I swear, I’ll also bring you some extra candies for your troubles. And the grappa, of course, now I needed it too. Your office or my room? A.

*Another note, in an elegant calligraphy.*

A. Of course I’ll re-read it! I’m here for that. What a cute kitten, it’s really lovely! Your room, if I stay here I’ll never stop. An hour from now is good? J.

*The last but one note has another doodle. The Inquisitor’s own head, a circle, with triangular ears, line hair and a sad expression, with tears.*

J. An hour is perfect. And you don’t have to read that letter if you don’t want to! It’s also my job to write it, I’m fine. And that’s a dormouse. :( A.

*The last note has a doodle too. It's done better, it's stylized, but you can see it's a pair of dormouses curled together and smiling.*

A. I do want to proof-read that letter, I wouldn't have said I would otherwise. Really, it's no bother! I'm sorry! I was too distracted, now that you mention it you're right, it's clearly a dormouse. Dormouses are so cute, aren't they? Can we take a nap like them after the tea? J.