#it is just that everyone with at least 1 Insight point just FEELS that something is not right here

[katyspersonal]

It doesn't even make any sense to say ppl justify the Do/ll so they can simp for Ge/hr/man because simps here are always okay with their blorbo being a little or much morally depraved. It is Tumblr, what do those edgelords expect?

jhfgfgdsgds Well, yeah

If you really analyze WHAT fictional male characters tend to attract a lot of stans and people thirsting for them, it is almost always unconditional? Like... People do not need to apologize anyone in BLORBOrne to like them. I mean LOOK at the guys BB fandom thirsts for the most - they are not even TRYING to pretend their favs are not what first meets the eye!

So why would that change for like, a single old man? In fact, on tungle dot hell the more unapologetically and obviously twisted the character is - the BETTER, somehow...?

I will be real, when I was digging lore and themes rather than characters interpreting, I was completely content with 'Maria is a badass masculine woman and G3hrman is a creepy old man' interpretation and worked my ideas from that field. I just... had no problem with the character being messed up and still hated OR enjoyed for who he is? It was when I got a glimpse of big misinterpretation going thanks to retranslation document when I grabbed my pretentious magnifying glass and made my own research.

Feels like eternity now, but to confess the truth, I kinda... liked it how it used to be? The type of 'a person I'd hate to deal with in real life but can explore from every angle in fiction'. Just ask @val-of-the-north how hard I simped for him back then *sobs* (Don't actually ask him oh my god sdfhfdhs I am joking) But yeah that's in the past and I don't even NEED it anymore, whatever I was able to obtain from the concept I now got in spades

But yeah, again, I agree - not even ONCE a Tumblr simp needed to deny the reality; there is just... well, when the blorbo is not ACTUALLY that bad, there is no fun in liking him with this 'badness', and Gehrm4n is... well, not that bad. But fictional men lovers here will pick the worst war criminal who is evil just to be sexy and portray HIM and not some 'morally grey character' as the dream husbando, THIS is what Tumblr stands on and WILL stand on forever sdfjhhds

[tanoraqui]

you’ve heard of Her Divine Highness Gideon the First, First Daughter of the House of God, and all the compelling, often Fake Dating-laced AUs that might follow. But have you considered...Gideon Jr. Dve, favored daughter of the First, heir of Gideon the First, Saint of Duty?

the timeline diverges at 2 points:

Gideon (ours) inherits her mother’s perfectly normal dark brown eyes

Gideon (lyctor) follows the escape pod to Ninth House, arrives to find Wake’s corpse and living baby, to the bemusement of all the locals is like, “yes, that’s mine” and takes said baby back to the Mithraeum to confess his sins and beg forgiveness

the conversation that follows goes like this:

Gideon 1: I am so sorry, John, I don’t know what came over me, Wake was just...really hot. She’s dead now. But, um, this is our daughter, and I feel duty-bound to raise her, or at least see that she’s raised well - but it’s your call, of course (again, I’m sorry for sleeping with the enemy for over a decade)

JohnGod, vibrating at a frequency known only to necromantic immortals who maybe swallowed a sun or something: N I E C E ? !

Augustine, Mercy, and maybe Cytherea, exchanging frantic eye contact behind the other two’s heads: Is that the baby? / I don’t know! I thought you were keeping track of it! / I don’t know! Can’t you tell!? / Are they keeping it? / What the fuck are we going to do about this?!

So, Gideon (Jr.) grows up in the Mithraeum, which needless to say is a fucking weird place to grow up. 

this au is dependent on the assumption that none of these millennia-old necromancers can identify the thanergic/thalergic weirdness of the biological daughter of God on slight, so, just accept that. Maybe children of lyctors (I refuse to believe there haven’t been any before) are a little Like That anyway? The Conspirators do learn the truth pretty fast, DNA test or something, but they quickly decide that stealing the baby and running for the Ninth is a terrible plan, and G1deon and God have to let her out from underfoot eventually. They’ll wait.

the Ninth had already named her Gideon. Gideon 1 tries to change this, but alas, his terrible immortal friends all think it’s hilarious and call her Gideon Jr, or “Junior” or “Giddy” for short.

Cytherea is undoubtably the Cool Aunt, and also Giddy’s first crush

(neither Mercy nor Augustine want to touch children on account of potential stickiness, ruling them firmly out)

JohnGod makes so many Godfather jokes in a terrible Italian mobster accent, which Giddy then imitates with equal inability to mimic an accent, which either produces something completely unrecognizable as old-Earth Italian mobster OR somehow loops back around to being a perfect impression of Don Corleone

Pyrrha tries to resist the urge to check in, but fails, particularly around bedtime (usually a private father/daughter tucking-in ritual). Giddy, with the uncomfortable insight for a toddler, quickly grasps that Sunglasses Dad is a different persona than Normal Dad. Sunglasses Dad swears her to utmost secrecy about this, and she keeps the oath...almost entirely

she does let it slip to Normal Dad, who...

listen, G1deon has been concealing his mysterious lapses in awareness from God and his fellow lyctors for centuries; he’s not going to stop now. And he MUST have had suspicions about what caused them; he’s not an idiot. But he would, I think, be a responsible father. 

So when 7yo Gideon Jr. lets slip about her interactions with Sunglasses Dad - which she definitely doesn’t realize is a whole different person; she probably thinks it’s a weird character her dad acts as sometimes, like how Uncle God will play pretend as a mobster, pirate, horse, etc. When Gideon Jr. lets slip, Gideon Sr. sits her down with his daughter, gets her to tell him about Sunglasses Dad, and admits that, uh, yeah, sure, it’s a fun game they play together, and still very secret from everyone else...and if ‘Sunglasses Dad’ ever makes her feel scared, or god forbid hurts her, she should run away and find Uncle God and tell him everything immediately. 

(Because he has suspicions, he must have suspicions, especially at this point...but just in case he’s wrong, he’ll confess to this centuries-old secret rather than let any harm befall his daughter. It’s the only right thing to do.)

Some Actual Plot Maybe, IDK?:

when Gideon Jr. is 13, her father finally agrees to enroll her in the Cohort Academy for Gifted Officers-To-Be, or whatever its called. Gideon Sr. has a quiet word with the current head of Second House and Gideon Jr. enrolls incognito, and rolls up to this place with

- sword skills trained since birth with fucking lyctors

- an uncanny ability to survive should-be-deadly wounds

- the social skills of someone who has never spoken with anyone under the age of several millennia

- probably slightly more respect for, like, the concept of authority/order/duty/not being a smartass 24/7 than the canon Gideon we know and love...BUT she has also literally never suffered a consequence in her life, and...you know how Miles Vorkosigan’s insubordination habits are based partly in that for the first 18 years of his life, his commanding officers, essentially, were 2 of the most competent people on Barrayar? God Himself used to give Gideon horsey rides. Gideon might try, politely, to be impressed by the commander-instructor glaring at her personally, but she is...not.

- gay

[insert a full YA novel’s worth of coming-of-age shenanigans here, absolutely ft. Judith Deuteros and Marta Dyas as soon-friends]

AND THEN ONE DAY, JOD SENDS OUT AN INVITATION to the heir of the Nine Houses inviting them to the First...

now, Gideon does not have a single drop of necromantic ability. She never has. So she wants to be a cavalier so bad...

but even Gideon, sword bimbo that she is, couldn’t grow up with The lyctors and not notice that... Well, no one really talks about their cavaliers, except when Mercy and Augustine fight about them. There is a grieving, sucking wound where every lyctoral cavalier should be.

she still tried so hard to be one. Judith very nearly agreed to have her even over <3Marta<3 (whom they were both madly crushing on). Then Gideon had one of her rare meetings with her father (he’d swing by the Cohort Academy sometimes and they’d get lunch), and told him about it all excitedly, and he flatly forbade it. And then he went over her head and flatly forbade it to the Cohort. 

so there’s something Weird going on there, or at least there’s something being unfairly forbidden to Gideon like birds are forbidden to the indoor cat staring out the window, eagerly lashing its tail. 

so she hatches a Plan:

- 1. Stow away on Judith & Marta’s ship to Dominicus - 2. ??? - 3. Profit!

when she sees Cytherea there, she thinks, Oh shit, I’m busted.

fortunately, she’d waited until everyone else had disembarked and gone inside before she snuck off the ship, so Cytherea doesn’t see her. So now it’s up to Gideon to sneak around, make friends with the heirs of the Houses, and recruit them into helping her not get caught by her aunt! Who she assumes is here specifically to catch her out...or maybe to covertly oversee the trials...? Hey what is up with this place anyway?

(It’s fortunate because as soon as Cytherea sees Gideon, she’s going to change her plan to “kill everyone immediately, except Giddy, whom I take to the Ninth and exsanguinate to open that damn tomb.”)

(Unfortunately, once like 5 people have died, Gideon is likely to honorably reveal herself in order to ask Cytherea for help, because CLEARLY something has gone terribly wrong. This can’t really be part of the trials, right? Uncle God wouldn’t do that.)

[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Good Omens: Lockdown and Crowley not mentioning his living situation in S2*

*till S2E6 when he asks if he can have his apartment back bc he's bored of living in his car but Aziraphale doesn’t hear bc mentally he’s in Alpha Centauri.

Having read the 'Crowley doesn't tell him' Neil Gaiman ask close to when I first listened to Lockdown (I lived under a rock until recently), my initial thought was HAS HE BEEN LIVING IN HIS CAR FOR YEARS?! but I think he was still in his apartment in 2020:

as far as Hell knows, Crowley just had a pool party in holy water (the holiest) so the higher-ups are probably willing to give him some space (plus Beelzebub is busy going on pub dates w Gabriel)

while there should be ~8 months between the end of Season 1 events (The Very First Day of the Rest of Their Lives on Sunday, Aug 25, 2019) and the Lockdown phonecall (on or near the 30 year anniversary on May 1, 2020), I can't imagine that's a very long time for Hell, especially if you're understaffed and busy dealing with fallout from Almostgeddon / going on pub dates

Shax dropping off mail and asking about the boiler seems like something one does in the first few months of living somewhere, not ~3 years in (if S2 is in 2023)

That said, I think the phone call underlines why Crowley never directly tells Aziraphale that he is living in the Bentley in S2, and it's just a great conversation (all hail Gaiman) sooo I wrote about it:

***Note: This post analyzes the Lockdown phonecall from Crowley's perspective only. Our heroine is feeling quite emotionally vulnerable at this point in time so things are going to hit him harder than they normally would.

I do not think Aziraphale meant to cause him pain (!!) but Crowley can't see that yet and I've written this post in a way that reflects that missing insight. (I explain in more detail in this reblog if you are interested) I am working on a companion post for Aziraphale's side of this conversation and how I think it affects his behavior in S2 because if we know anything about these two, it's that their exactlys are different exactlys.***

Crowley’s habit of sleeping to skip time like an RPG character by a campfire amuses me to no end, but in this context it feels heavy. Crowley already worries about losing time with what he loves and he probably hoped things would be different between him and Aziraphale after the events of S1. But things don’t change much. Then lockdowns start, and Crowley is trapped in his apartment alone, transcendentally bored, and unable to make his brain shut up. Sleeping a month away starts to sound less awful.

But Crowley hasn’t given up yet; he’s still awake when Aziraphale calls, and he’s even giving it two more days. Was he waiting for Aziraphale to call? Is it even possible not to at least kind of wait for someone’s call when you are cut off from everything and the caller has been your only friend and crush for millennia?

Aziraphale asks why Crowley isn't "out and about" tempting people or setting a bad example and he responds:

C: Everyone's so miserable and cooped up right now anyway, and I just… well… don't have the heart for it. A: *glowing audibly* I'm not miserable~ C: Really?

Crowley sounds genuinely surprised at Aziraphale's happiness and quickly assumes it's because the angel has been around people. He's so lonely/depressed/in his own head that he hadn't even considered someone enjoying being 'cooped up'. *sob*

Aziraphale goes No actually I put the closed sign up in the window and I'm having the Time of My Life, never had so few customers, not in 200 years!, etc. Although, he says:

A: …There were a few young lads a couple of nights ago who broke in through the back and tried to steal the cashbox! But they soon saw the error of their ways~ C: *clearly amused* Did you smite them with your wroth? A: Well I certainly gave them a good talking to, and I sent each of them home with cake~ C: *annoyed, swooning* Cake? A: Quite a lot of cake, actually. C: *physically ill from having such a giant crush on this dumbass baker/security guard* eeeekkkgghhh I'm gonna regret asking but.. ...rrgh.. *30 seconds of Aziraphale joyfully describing his baking while Crowley probably tries very hard not to imagine the angel eating each item in sensual slow motion* I stg you can hear him struggling in the background once or twice

A: …And once I've baked them, I have to eat them all myself, which was why I was so delighted— C: To send your burglars home laden with baked goods, yes, nnyeaayeah I follow…

Crowley interrupts, finishing Aziraphale's sentence in his nervous hurry to say the next bit:

C: *loud inhale* You know, I could.. hunker down at your place. … Slither over and watch you eat cake. I could bring a bottle--a case of… something… drinkable…?

He's trying to sound so casual about it but this is someone who was rejected/abandoned by actual literal God after asking what he thought were welcome, uncontroversial questions. Asking makes him vulnerable. He's supposed to be the rescuer, not a demon in distress. He does not feel casual about asking.

Crowley knows it's unlikely but he's so miserable and desperate for company that he can't help but ask, just in case. Even the smallest chance of spending time trapped indoors with Aziraphale—with nothing to do but drink, watch him eat, and talk about things they'd normally avoid—is too tempting.

A: *panicking* Oh I— I— I— I— I'm afraid that would be Breaking All The Rules! *nervous breathing* Out of the question! I'll see you… when this is over. C: Right. gnnehh. I'm setting the alarm clock for July. Good night, angel. *dial tone*

And just like that, Crowley doesn't need two days to decide. The depression nap doubles in length. He doesn't hear how badly Aziraphale wants to say yes behind the fear, or maybe he does and it hurts worse because why isn't Crowley enough for him? You can almost hear the spiralling:

SHOCKING, asking made it worse. It always does doesn’t it? Why even bother? you just embarrass yourself.. SLITHER over? why did I say that *grumble grumble* of COURSE His Holy Holiness, your only friend in the universe, would rather eat cake by himself while everything goes to shit than ~deign~ to have you in his presence. "AsK aND yE sHaLl ReCeIvE" bugger this for a lark im going to bed

(a bit dramatic but we've all been there)

I imagine sleep doesn't come right away. Maybe his thoughts drift to when he sat beside the angel at a dark Tadfield bus stop after a rather eventful Saturday. Crowley must've felt a tiny bit hopeful when he invited Aziraphale to stay with him: Heaven had withdrawn its favor and the bookshop was gone; Aziraphale was like him now. Didn't that mean things would change?

"I don't think my side would like that." Apparently not.

In the end, Aziraphale did ride the bus back to Crowley's apartment and stayed till the next morning when he caught a cab, but only to sell the illusion. Crowley understood that as far as sides went, the angel was still on Heaven's, even if Heaven wasn't on his.

And now this: the entire world is shut down; there is nothing for Aziraphale to do but stay in and read and bake in his magically reconstituted bookshop and he still won't invite Crowley in. Burglars and un-fallen angels only—nobody who asks questions.

So... of course Crowley doesn't tell Aziraphale when he loses his apartment. He already knows what answer he would get; the angel has told him so many times. Aziraphale is a company man first, a companion to one very sad owl when convenient.

If Crowley works up the courage to say 'please take me in, I have nowhere else to go' and Aziraphale goes 'sorry, no, far too political, but I WILL risk being erased from the Book of Life to protect this nude amnesiac former coworker who always hated me,' it's going to be too much. You can't sleep long enough for that type of hurt to go away. Better not to say anything.

"Then nothing has to change, does it?"

[youkaiyume]

Alright, so I've been a fan of Shane, Ryan and even Steven since their buzzfeed days and I've been watching this whole thing with Watcher moving their content over to their own streaming service debacle.

Like most ppl, I think it's a poor business move to alienate your fans like this, but I've been thinking on it more from maybe a financial perspective. I'm wondering how many people actually signed up for it. I saw a tiktok advertising expert say that the conversion rate for ads--meaning the number of ppl to actually buy something when they see an ad is about 1-5%. Like, right now they have about 2.8 million subscribers. And even though they've lost about 50K since and counting, they probably anticipated some loss. I'm sure they've mathed that if they just get at least like 100K conservatively out of their nearly 3 million fanbase to sign up, they'd be able to make $600K a month from their streaming service at six bucks a pop each month.

Maybe that's worth it? I'm not exactly sure how much they were making before. Ppl say they had 11K subscribers on patreon before but that's just their member total. Actual paid members was about 5K. But despite the controversy, their patreon member count has actually gone up. Today it sits at 12K members total with nearly 6K members paying. So they're making at least $30K-70K+ a month currently on patreon based on their offered tiers. not sure how much they were making on ad revenue alone or sponsors cuz I'm not sure how that stuff works on youtube. But maybe by their own accounting they think the loss of followers was worth it if they can hang on to that small, loyal but paying minority.

Another youtuber has pointed out that if you have a sponsor for a video and it's a one off, it can pay more. Up to $35K. So if that is the peak and they release 1 video a week, so 4 a month would be like 140K a month on sponsor money. And youtube pays about $10 per 1000 views a video, and they average 1 mil each video. So about $40K a month on views. So we can guess that they made about $180K a month currently on youtube (patreon and merch sales not included).

Honestly, if they can reach the goal of 1-5% of their subscribers converting to their streaming platform, yeah they probably would make more money in the long run. IF they can somehow manage to retain as well as grow those number of subscribers on their new platform. And don't forget, they don't plan to delete their current videos on their youtube channel so they'll still be earning revenue from those videos. We'll have to see I guess given how much goodwill they've lost with their audience.

Tbh, I am all for them trying to get paid more for their work but I also think they could have transitioned much differently, like only putting some exclusive content on their own platform while also posting free shows to youtube. Or maybe delaying releases for a week or a month for youtubers. or cutting back your production costs if it's really killing you cuz everyone has pointed out they liked the ghoul boys when it was just a black screen with text scrolling by saying "wheeze." Only time will tell if this move paid off for them.

But I'm not super knowledgeable on how the entire youtube thing works so if someone has some insight, feel free to weigh in.

[divine-crows]

🎨✨️Art Magic✨️🎨

Uses, Forms of it, and Why I Think Everyone Should Try it at Least Once.

Foreword

Right before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, I had been trying and failing to rekindle my flame for magic work. No matter what I tried to do I just couldn't get back into my studies and I was reaching a point where I was convinced I lost my spark and was doomed to live an empty life. Then it all changed when a YouTube Channel challenged how I thought about everything: Molly Roberts. That's when I was opened to the possibility of art magic, and I'll now share my love of it with anyone willing to read on.

What Is Art Magic?

A means to utilize art for spellwork, raising magical energy, or for exploring your magical subconscious. It encapsulates multiple different types of art and is generally not confined by conventional expectation (unless that's what you prefer).

You can utilize art magic by. . .

Using traditional art methods

Digital art methods

Collages

Music composition

Jewelry making

Embroidery

And much more!

How do I know if Art Magic is Suitable for Me?

There isn't a specific thing that'll indicate this form of magic is perfect for you, however I have some anecdotes from my personal experience as both a witch, and a regular artist that form a sort of idea on what could denote this being perfect for you!

First off, craving freedom from personal restraints was a big factor that pushed me towards blending my craft with my passion for art. If you want to run from the monotony of life, if you feel trapped by the social construction of boxes, or if you simply want to challenge your own mental restraints... then this idea might resonate with you.

Challenging yourself with a new form of magic, similarly, can also be a good enough reason to try. I'm the type of person who loves to constantly learn new things and I unfortunately get bored really quickly if I can't get new source materials. Using Art Magic has proven a fun challenge for me that allows me to explore a lot more topics you can't just open a book to find.

For those that may not be able to safely perform a lot of traditional style spells, this form of magic provides a discreet way to practice witchcraft. Most people wouldn't really question someone if they picked up the hobby of making art, and even if they did there's plenty of reasonable excuses out there.

How you prefer your spells to manifest themselves can also affect if this journey is a good idea or not. I find that Art Magic is really good when it comes to subtle spellwork that is more longform (though depending on how you construct them you can definitely create a spell that's the opposite).

Catalog aspects of your magical journey. Imagine a grimoire filled with pages of drawings, each one telling a story of something you experienced or learned as a witch. This especially may be more beneficial for visual learners.

You could use it as a means of meditation, sometimes art can be calming and it can open the door to your mind (so-to-speak). Especially if you're like me and struggle with staying completely still while trying to clear your mind, this may be helpful for you.

Trying to better understand archetypes, deities, types of entities, or even your own self can also be a big part of this. I've used art magic as a way to embody the "energy" of something before so I could better understand it. Especially when you're trying to seek knowledge that isn't often written on, it can provide a great way to explore more.

How Can I perform an Art Spell?

I have a step-by-step process that can give you some insight on how you may approach it:

1) Think of the intention you want. I like to close my eyes and meditate on it for about a minute then I write down if my mind wandered to any specific imagery or ideas.

2) Think of visual symbolism and colors that can help you capture the mood you want. Perhaps you need a warm color palette to invoke positive feelings, or maybe there are specific objects or animals you can include on the composition that represent something.

3) If you feel it fits your composition, you can include sigils, symbols of significance, and include shapes that have certain associations. It doesn't even have to be obvious either. You can use a circular composition to convey something endless for example, or a triangular composition to show priority over something.

4) In general follow what your heart tells you. This is a little cliche, but ultimately follow what seems best to you. Art isn't about boxing yourself in and my guidelines are just general ideas for anyone who's lost!

Why do I think that everyone should try it at least once?

From my experiences as a witch, I find that a lot of paths to be followed are quite rigid. By no means am I implying that a rigid structure is bad-- it creates a foundation from which we can work upon. I myself am exploring rigid, 'traditional' (for lack of a better term) ways of working magic. Art magic pushes you out of your comfort zone in a safe way. It makes you consider how you associate things. It makes you create new sigils and makes you research new symbols you previously wouldn't have used.

So next time you're lost on a spell, or you've lost your way in your Craft and you don't know what to do, think about maybe giving Art Magic a try. I hope my guide was a helpful starting point for anyone interested in the topic!

[andhumanslovedstories]

Hey so your post about pain management as a bedside nurse is so important to my own nursing practice that I've considered printing it out so I can have it to hand all the time. So thanks for that. Also, how do you deal with assignments that are busy enough that pain management is harder than it should be? I'm coming up on two years as a nurse and I feel like I take it personally when I am too busy to adequately manage my patients pain. I'm also coming from a newly unionized hospital where the ratios are still horrendous (I do 1:10 on med surg) and I'm hoping once we can enforce our staffing grids it'll be better but idk I'm burning out and I love my job so much and I really respect your nursing philosophy? I guess. Sorry for the word vomit it's been a crazy shift.

I've been trying to think of how to answer this since I got it. It's just such a horrendous ratio. With ten patients a shift, that's like six minutes an hour for each in a fantasy world where there's no charting and everything is exactly where you need it to be. I feel like I don't have great insight into this because the most med surg patients I've had assigned is five. Ten patients to one nurse is just a raw deal for everyone. Like christ no wonder you feel like you're burning out! I'll give you what thoughts I have and hopefully other people can chime in if they have suggestions. But that's such a hard patient load.

When I've been super swamped, I've found that's when being really explicit about your thinking with the patient helps. Like if I have to dash into a room and then dash back out, I'll make sure the board is updated with the next medication time and that the patient knows when the medication is going to kick in. I'll also provide call light parameters. I have a lot of success telling people, "the med should be doing something by 5:30. If I haven't checked in with you by then, and the pain is unchanged or barely changed, hit your call light and we'll try the next step. Also hit your call light if you feel any sudden change, like now you're nauseated or you have a headache or the type of pain changes or something just feels very wrong. Is there anything you need before I step out of the room?"

I like to be explicit about when to call me because I think there's two directions call light usage can go wrong: someone calls all the time, or someone never calls. With someone who calls all the time, I find that telling them when I'll be back and that I want them to call me if I'm not takes away some of that anxiety that can causes some people to call frequently. Often those patients are afraid that if they aren't on the call light, they're gonna get ignored.

For the other type of patient, the one that doesn't call, I want to make explicit that it's GOOD AND NORMAL TO CALL YOUR NURSE WHEN YOU HAVE SYMPTOMS. We've all had that patient at the end of shift who goes, "btw the gnawing pain in my leg is now a 10/10" and you're like "what gnawing pain sir?? you've literally never mentioned it before now?? I don't have any meds for that lemme page super quick????" These patients can get into pain crises easily because they don't ask for help until something is unbearable. In addition to pain crisis bad, it takes a lot more time to deal with something unbearable than it does to deal with something uncomfortable.

On that note, are you spending your very limited time efficiently? To me, that actually means spend more time talking with patients, at least up front. Manage expectations, make sure people know what to expect. Having conversations with patients that are like, "You just had surgery, it's not gonna happen that we get you completely painless. We want to get you to a manageable pain level that allows you to do whatever it is you most want to do this shift." (For me on nights, that's usually sleeping at least a little, but sometimes the realistic goal you make together is that you will feel at some point better than you feel right now.) "You have this medication scheduled, and you have this one available every X hours when your pain is severe. Is there anything you know that helps you deal with pain?"

Also establish if patients want to be woken up for certain prn medications or if they're sleeping, to let them sleep. With some patients, I will advise them to get woken up for pain medication because I know that they're going to need consistent control to avoid a crisis. (Crises take so much time!)

When I'm crunched for time, I'm fond of bringing in an ice pack and being like "if it works, great, if it doesn't, just take it off, either way here it is." Sometimes I'll do the same with a warm blanket. If I know my patient needs to take pills, I'll bring a cup of water with me into the room. If there's a basic prn like melatonin or tylenol that I think they might want, I'll pull them in advance. If the patient doesn't want them, I return them next time I'm in the med room. (Obviously, don't do this with controlled substances. It's super easy to forget to return them, and not returning opioids is one of those whoopsies people get fired over.)

Decision making takes time. Walking to go get stuff takes time. I want to save the time it takes to assess if the patient needs those things and then walk off to fetch them by just having the things already. If your tightest resource is time, be liberal with resources you can spare. If you're stuck with a patient, do you have anyone you can delegate a prn med pass to? Do you know how to do the absolute minimum charting you need to? Do you have flushes and alcohol wipes and whatever other most common things you need? And since you can't hoard time, if you've got some to spare, ask yourself if there is anything you can do now that will save you time later. If you have five free minutes now and an incontinent patient, getting them up to the bathroom now can save you from taking the time for incontinence care and a bed change later on when they've also sundowned and decide they hate everything but most of all you.

So much of this answer I realize is investing as much time upfront as you can, which I realize is so hard when you are so busy. It sucks immensely that prepping takes much less time than not being prepared does when you don't always have time to prep. Plus when you invest that time to pain plan with patients and do small preventative interventions, I think it also provides some psychological comfort that helps with pain. You're letting them know you're invested and you care and you have a plan, even if you don't have all the time you'd like. That can mean better pain control, which can mean needing to spend less time in that room overall, meaning you can save six whole minutes at some point and maybe even, if we're feeling crazy, get a chance to indulge in that greatest of indulgences: just a real leisurely on-shift piss.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Love in the Big City, Ep 1 and 2

Okay honestly, shout out to the book club people for consistently posting discussion questions, because I have not had the brain space in the last few months to come up with things to write about on my own (nor have most of the shows I’ve watched warranted hefty analysis) BUT THAT ENDS TODAY BECAUSE LOVE IN THE BIG CITY IS FINALLY OUT AND IT IS ALREADY DESTROYING ME. 

With the move to the screen, more of Go Yeong's relationships are featured in Part 1. How does this change your impression of how Mi Ae fits into his life, compared to how you originally read his relationship with Jaehee?

It was really interesting experiencing the beginning of this show because similarly to how we don’t always know exactly where in time we are during the book, we don’t know exactly where in the show until we get about fifteen minutes in to episode one and see Mi Ae clocking Go Young outside of the club. It is only at that point that we realize that we are in the prologue of Go Young’s story, experiencing the pieces of his life that were fairly influential in the person he is and the focus he has on the people around him in Part One of the book. 

Thinking about how strong/importance of a presence Jaehee was in Go Young’s life, and how heavily Part One of the book focused on his relationship between Jaehee and Go Young, Young truly sets up this feeling that it is just him and Jaehee against the world. And it is easy to believe that in the book because we don’t really see him with anyone else. We only experience Young and Jaehee’s life, their struggles, where they do and do not succeed in supporting each other through life challenges. 

But that feeling that they truly only have each other does, for me, still translate through in the show, even though we know about his college friends and the T-ara’s wayyyy earlier in the timeline. Why? Because Mi Ae and Go Young are only able to be themselves with each other, no one else. The relationship Young has to his college friends is shattered the second they start talking shit about Mi Ae and slut shaming her, because Go Young is a closeted gay man in a crowd of heterosexuals, which is in and of itself lonely. And despite knowing the T-ara’s exist, it is clear to me that their relationship is, compared to Jaehee, superficial. They hang out together at clubs, and they’ll go to karaoke together, and they have their moments of genuine joy and connections, but their conversations have focused primarily around who they are fucking, who they want to fuck, forcing Nam Gyu to do karaoke only to make fun of him, etc. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that they aren’t friends, but I do understand why Go Young feels that he is a loner despite having this group. 

I think the book does not bring the existence of other friends in to the picture because of how heavily it is about the breakup between Jaehee and Young, and how much, how deeply, and how long it hurts Young to have lost that person. And I think we can see that from the way the show structures it too, even with more people around Go Young. Because in this instance we have comparison points between Go Young’s relationship to Mi Ae, and Go Young’s relationship to everyone else. And we can still see the breakup with Mi Ae as a tragedy in so many little ways, for both of them, and it is especially heartbreaking seeing the singular minute of Mi Ae’s wedding where she gets to be entirely herself. 

Jaehee was something true to Young, and Mi Ae is something true to Go Young. That at least is, for me, is not lost. 

What new insights did you gain from the adaptation's expansion of K3 (Kia) Guy from a few background lines into a fully realized character in Kim Nam Gyu?

I was talking about this with friends already, but it has been an interesting thing for me to think about the merits of written media versus visual media. The thing with books is we get a lot more detailed descriptions of what is happening, we can afford a handful of throw away lines about Kia guy in the book because there is a lot more content to get through. But in a visual medium time moves faster, what might be a page of detail in a book can be consumed in a matter of seconds on a TV show. So I think there is some more time to fill, which lends itself well to expanding the role of minor minor minor characters like Kia guy in to fully realized side characters like Kim Nam Gyu. 

I feel like Nam Gyu was extremely well utilized in these first two episodes, especially as he relates to showing the audience who Go Young is. Nam Gyu is kind, considerate, quick to love, and a hopeless romantic aligning himself with heterosexual romantic ideals. He is not a big drinker, not a big clubber, he lives his life slowly, and safely. He is everything Go Young is not. Go Young is a club gay, he does not subscribe to heterosexual romantic ideals, he takes more risks. But Nam Gyu feels deeply, and expresses those feelings in ways that Go Young is as of yet not capable of doing. 

I think as we continue and we see the other relationships that Go Young gets in to it is good to have examples of the kinds of people, the kinds of relationships that do not work for Go Young. It is good to see where Go Young’s personality does and does not mesh with the person he is dating, and how easily or not he gives away his love and affection. I think it was a devastating little detail to have Go Young learn that Nam Gyu died from a speeding related accident, because it was Go Young that bullied him about driving slow, and it was for Go Young that Nam Gyu was trying to change, and it got him killed. Thinking about where this story is going, thinking about the lessons that Go Young still has to learn, I think it is a vital piece of the story to show the audience the various states of permanency and loss. 

Mi Ae is lost to the lies she told to hide her true self, and Go Young will lose his most important friendship to that. Nam Gyu is lost to the way he forced himself to change for Go Young and Go Young will have no chance to correct his mistakes because Nam Gyu is dead. Go Young will lose and lose and lose, and he will learn, and change, and grow from all of it, but it is almost always too late. 

In the novel, we see everything through Young's rather biting and cynical internal monologue, while in the drama we see other characters through a broader lens. With this different perspective, how does Mi Ae's outing of Go Yeong and the fallout change compared to the novel?

I like having the ability to experience the perspectives of other people. I loved the scene in the car that shows us the moments leading up to Mi Ae outing Go Young, because you can see exactly where and how she has been backed into a corner. In some regards you can understand the logic, the reasons why Mi Ae out Go Young to her fiance. And it is extremely clear that she is not happy about it, that she knows she’s fucked up, and that she broke Go Young’s trust. You can understand how she got to this point, but you can’t say she made the right decision because it is incredibly likely that she would not have ended up in this position if she hadn’t lied about every part of her life to her fiance from the beginning. 

But that of course begs the question of who she expected her fiance to be when she first started dating him. Because in the book, we learn that Young and Jaehee had an agreement to pretend to be the opposite sex in order to prevent guys from coming over to their apartment. So like, did Mi Ae start this relationship with her fiance as a casual hookup and then decide it was just the point in her life where she should get married or did she know this was the guys she was going to commit to when she started to date him? 

Either way there comes a time when you have to stop lying about your female roommate, and that time comes far before you have agreed to marry someone. 

In that moment in the car Mi Ae dooms herself to live her lie, she chooses her fiance over Go Young, and she knows it. And Go Young knows it, because the first thing Go Young ever says to Mi Ae, and the first thing he says to her multiple times after that, is “you won’t tell people, right?” (or whatever the actual wording is, point being that it is extremely important to him that Mi Ae does not out him). 

But again, the visual medium is great for me because while I don’t remember exactly how Young portrayed the confession scene in the book, I will remember how deeply ashamed and guilty Mi Ae looked when she came to tell Go Young that she had outed him. 

In order to make the show more cohesive and manage screen time, Sang Young Park has moved some elements of the story around, and in this first part he withheld the health scare for Go Yeong and also brought his friends, the T-aras, forward. How do these changes and the inclusion of the wider cast in Part 1 shift your perception of Go Yeong's college years?

I actually don’t think the more cohesive timeline has shifted my perception of Go Yeong’s college years because of how Sang Young Park has moved some elements of the story around. As I said earlier, I think the T-aras being there from the beginning is effectively utilized to demonstrate  how deep his connection to Mi Ae is. One of my most favorite parts of the book is how the existence of Kylie re-contextualizes a lot of what we’ve seen from Go Young in parts one and two. In the book, if I remember correctly, we get more of an offhanded references to his health scare. 

“...up until the incident that earned me a medical discharge.”

“the results weren’t some dramatic STD, just my urethra infected by germs, and inflammation resulting from it.” 

What I do think is interesting is that we got no information about Go Young’s military service whatsoever, and I’m curious if and how that will show up. Because in the book Jaehee acts as Young’s girlfriend while he is in the military so that he is not outed. (“Jaehee served as my loyal girlfriend throughout my six months of military service, up until the incident that earned me a medical discharge.”)  I feel like the Mi Ae story is over at this point so I am curious if they will get to Young’s military service later on in order to keep the actress around, or if removing the health scare here is why they cut the military service part from Episodes 1-2. 

Anyway, all of that to say that in Part One, Young way downplays his health stuff, focusing more on the way he experiences delays in his emotional response, only realizing that he should have been angry about the homophobia he experienced at the urologist when someone else gets mad after he relays the story. I think if they had done the health scare here it would have 1) interrupted the flow of the story and 2) tipped people off too soon to the existence of Kylie because I think it would be far more obvious if we were to see an STI screening for him at that point. I am excited to see where and how they place the health scare and the Kylie reveal because I do think it will do the same thing it did in the book to recontextualize all of Young’s behavior that came before it. 

__

That’s all from me right now, I have actually re-checked out the book, because I needed to refresh my memory and will likely post some more thoughts about changes from the book to the show if I have the time or energy.

[eri-pl]

It will be chaotic, because I can't force myself to make a structured post about it, I don't know why. Also sorry if my autocorrect does something stupid, I'm writing on the phone.

So, the Legendarium and causality, and good deeds, bad deeds and their results. This is the main topic of this post.

Is this post about the Legendarium? About real life? Both? Well, it surely is about the Legendarium, but not only. It's fuzzy. One of the things I like with tolkien is that such discussions get fuzzy and thinking about the books gives me insights about life.

There is a rule which I try to follow when writing or even planning something more serious (in the Legendarium context, but in general too, unless specifically going for a genre that's different): if a long-term success (in something that matters) is achieved by doing something morally wrong, those conditions must be fulfilled (not necessarily all clearly written out, but I must at least have a vague idea):

1. It could have been achieved in a good way, and it wouldn't be lesser. Or it wasn't really that important. (Because I refuse to accept "necessary evil")

2. Either something bad came out of it, or someone has to put effort into it not happening. I'm not sure how to explain it better (see later about handling other people's bad choices)... Anyway this makes the story feel more satisfying, more interesting.

3. How much of 2 is needed is proportional to how bad the thing was. Also if the character couldn't be expected to know much better, point 2 is less intense, though it's often still more interesting to have it.

I wonder how close to canon is this rule. Anyway I like it. Also, I tend to assume at least 1 when interpreting the canon, which likely influences my opinion about the Feanorians and the whole Silmaril business.

I'm not saying this is a 100% rule in real life, or even a technically 100% rule in te Legendarium, because omniscience is tricky… but it is a good rule in writing, I think, and even more so it definitely is a good rule in approaching decisions. If something can't work in a moral way, it won't work anyway or is not worth it. Nothing really worthy can be permanently lost by making the right choice. And so on.

It seems like there would be a symmetrical rule of good deeds not resulting in bad events but then we have the Children of Hurin. And what did Hurin do wrong? I have no idea.

But then, the Men are generally... And you could also look at Maedhros, but then, the exiled Noldor, and SoF in particular are also, hmm, I think "marred" is the word I should use here.

Still, I really prefer if there is something good coming of from good deeds, even distant and not seen by the person doing the good deeds.

Also, there seems to be is another rule, it's outright said. Things always turn out into a good ending, and you can either go with it or fall under it.

Example: gollum. He could have cooperated and jumped with the Ring willingly. He chose to betray Frodo, fell with the Ring anyway.

You also can, obviously, do a creative mix of going along and falling under. (Must I say: the two oldest Feanorians, it is this obvious?)

And falling under makes things more difficult for everyone, not just the person doing it.

Darn, I made this sound ugly and tyrannical. It's not. But I remember when I would say it is, and I can't explain why it is not. It's kinda like when you do a weird thing with your eye muscles and start seeing double. It's just not. I just can't explain it in a way this deserves. My apologies.

Anyway, bad choices make things difficult for everyone. Because we are connected to each other. I've already made a post about it long time ago, but generally...

Maybe if Saruman wasn't such a jerk weed have a Sauron redemption. (Maybe, it's always a maybe)

Maybe if Maglor didn't take pity on the twins, Númenor would fall much earlier and Sauron would be more successful. And so on and do forth.

It's always a maybe, and nobody determines anybody else's choices, but still, we do impact each other. It's hard to think about, because it's over if the places where a) it's worth to try b) there's no guarantee of anything... (Which are most places, I guess). Both on the Silm and in life, people are interconnected. But also everyone is responsible for their decisions.

It's hard to not blame characters (or people) too much. It's hard... In general it's wonderful but difficult, the whole concept.

And another thing tired to this very closely, tied to the interconnectedness (is this a word?) is unearned suffering and Hurin and Nienor and Miriel (both tbh) and Feanor back before he was a jerk and many others.

Sometimes we get the outcome of someone else's bs without even consenting to it. Why? I suppose it's because the connectedness is now important than "not getting random bs thrown in your life". Maybe. Probably. I'm not wise, ok? I'm not sure it's my heart, but something's telling me it's something like this reason.

And what can we do

Argue. Rebel. Just take it. There are many things we can do. I'm not going to go on a rant about what Feanor (or Finwe) should have done and so on because I don't want dfw and others to have a bad time listening to me criticizing their guy, and also I wasn't in his position so I shouldn't be ranting. I should go rant at myself or something.

But the things aren't going to solve themselves or disappear. So yes, just taking it is a very noble and beautiful thing to do (and hard as... Idk what's hard. A Silmaril is hard, I guess)

Because it's so very infuriating when someone else's bs lands on your head.

Oh how I wish I could handle it better.

Back to the Legendarium. Someone handling it better generally yields results, see: the Long Peace. And probably many other situations.

And of course there are situations when the bs you have to handle is your own and if you don't handle it, it will fall of everyone else's heads. This doesn't necessarily make it easier to handle. :( Sometimes someone helps, and that's nice.

Yet another question is how realistic a book should be.

Should it portray lots of undeserved suffering, of badly handled undeserved suffering (CoH), because it's part of life? Should it portray hope triumphing against reason (B&L, and remember that Beren was just as much a Man as Turin was), to give people an escape?

I think (maybe it's rather obvious) that we need both, because depending on personality and circumstances, we need both validation and acknowledgement of our pain, and hope that things can be better. Both kinds of stories are necessary.

It may sound untrue, and sometimes I wish I was a kind of person who can live with only hopeful stories, because the day ones are what I need when I'm not doing well— but no. We do need both, at least in terms of "what most of the story consists of". We need ways to express pain without an immediate answer.

It's a sad song.

But we're gonna sing it anyway.

Until we finally get it right and the sad parts start making sense.

And let's not even get into "sad stories where people mess their lives up so much because that's how freedom works, yes, they can do that" because I have absolutely no idea what to say about those.

[littlecrittereli]

It's been a long time since I watched Wild Kratts but I didn't even know he had a fandom, I'm so happy, and your story made my dream come true, I would love to create a story like you, but I'm not very good at writing stories What tips would you give to a beginner <3

I don't consider myself a super great author to be honest, I'm much more confident in my illustrations! But as someone who is completely self taught: here are some tips I use when I write my stories! (these may not apply to everyone, but they do help me) Outlines

If I'm writing a plot-based story I make an outline of all the major plot points I want to make and separate them into chapters. I reference this outline when I'm writing a chapter and it helps me meet all my "goals" for that particular chapter! Of course you can be flexible with this. Say one of your plot points dragged out a little too long and you want to save something for the next chapter, you can adjust your outline as you go! Sometimes your idea will change as you write it, and that's okay! revise your outline accordingly. For me, it's handy so I don't end up spiralling completely off the path I intended and lose the conclusion I wanted to have. Here's an example of the outline for my Reprogrammed AU. (Only chapters 1-5 to prevent spoilers for unreleased chapters)

as you can see, it doesn't have to be super formal. This is literally just in my notes app. As long as you can understand and follow your ideas, that's all that matters.

Get a Beta Reader!

I do not actually have a beta reader currently, but sending your writings to someone to proofread is one of the best ways to get genuine feedback. Try to find someone who is also pretty educated on proper grammar. I learned more about proper formatting from a fanfiction beta reader than I did in school im so fr. At the very least, make sure this person is comfortable with giving you constructive criticism. If something reads a little awkward or if a plot point doesn't make much sense/could be solved with an easier method, it's a lot easier for someone to point out when they didn't write the piece.

Study fanfictions/books you enjoy

Honestly... just reading a lot has made me a better writer. You will begin to notice the way authors describe certain feelings or environments, and that can give you insight on how to go about writing your own ideas. If I find an author I really like, I will try to dissect WHY I like them so much. Is it their accurate characterization? Do they describe emotions well? Are their plots engaging? Is their dialogue interesting? Find out what makes their writing so interesting so you can incorporate those traits into your own story. This goes for the way they format their writing as well. For example, I've found I prefer when chapters are around 1k-5k words. Really short chapters can make the story seem choppy when the reader has to constantly click to the next page, it kinda breaks the immersion of the story. Instead I try to use chapter breaks as interesting pausing points for suspense. I love it when authors leave their chapter on a slightly unfinished note. So I'm curious for the next chapter, but also I feel fulfilled with what I've read so far. And I've discovered this by analyzing the stories I enjoy!

And the most important advice I can give.... PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!!

Writing is similar to drawing in the sense that in order to learn, you must DO it. You have to make the shitty stuff before you find out how to make it better! It's honestly just part of the creative process. I still have some short stories I wrote back when I was a preteen and ITS BAD LOL but I needed to go through that in order to learn and grow and be more confident in my storytelling capabilities. And just like illustrations, everyone starts at a different place and everyone's process is different. SO BE PATIENT AND DON'T GIVE UP! Write that story! Even if it's bad, who cares?! You wrote something! And next time, you will write something even better!

[polyglottishthings]

I liked a lot of things about the Dragon Prince and i loved that they included a deaf character at all but imo they did it so wrong because

1. She NEVER mouths her words as she signs, and her signing feels flat and unexpressive. Sign language relies heavily on facial expressiveness alongside the way you sign, so it just looks like she's speaking very flatly all the time

2. She never once has trouble understanding people when reading their lips. It's true that a lot of people are amazing at reading lips and can get by pretty well by doing so, but no one is 100% all the time, and when you consider that she encounters both humans and elves with different spoken accents, it's LIKELY she would misread their lips at some point. There's a lot of comedic potential missed here, on top of the fact that it's just inaccurate.

3. She is finger spelling out everyone's names!! It's one thing when she's just met them and doesn't know much about them or hasn't given them a sign name/learned their sign name, but at the beginning of the show she spells out "Callum" instead of using his sign name. Since she seems pretty close to them, wouldn't she have given both of her nephews a sign name at some point?? I want to believe it's because the creators knew not everyone has/gives sign names....but given the context of this post....i just can't see that...

4. There are a few scenes where she hears something behind her, or when people are speaking behind her and she apparently hears them. I think this one bothers me the most, because the writers have basically made her deafness disappear for the sake of...what? Convenience? Not having to reimagine the scene? It's sad because scenes where this happens would be so much more authentic if you could see how scary it was for her not to understand wtf these people were talking about, or how she has found ways to stay aware of her surroundings despite not being able to hear them.

5. Along with the previous thing, her interpreter stands behind her WAY too much. Like, how is he reading her signs when she's in front of him or vice versa? Making the interpreter not able to view her/her not able to view him is basically excluding them from each other's conversations. You know how, when you're in a group conversation, if you miss what one person says, you aren't REALLY included in what rest of the people are saying? Yeah, that stills holds true with deafness.

A lot of this is just REALLY basic stuff because I don't even sign much and am not fully deaf and I picked up on it, so it leads me to think that the creators of the show just. Didn't ask a Deaf person for their insight? I mean they could've at least just Googled "Deaf people have sign language conversation" lmao

[alyjojo]

October 👻 2023 PAC - Who Haunts You & Why?

Welcome to my fun & spooky October PAC, where it may turn out actually spooky 😈 At least, that was the initial intention. Most are likely to get very deep, these are likely difficult subjects and people to “haunt” us in the first place. Some situations will be darker than others, I will lightly touch on what I see and remain empathetic and in the flow without getting too deep or painfully descriptive. We want to heal it, not re-live it. You know you 🙏 The oracles I’m using for this reading are all for descriptive purposes to help shed light on a character profile or situation, not to be taken literally, unless they do for you. I’m also not putting any focus on signs, it can be any sign in this energy. These are meant to be general, for many different people so if it sounds like you, great. Some may have more than one, or not feel pulled to choose any, and that’s fine too.

Hopefully this helps anyone drawn to it! I love everyone on this blog, it’s grown so much in the past two years, thanks to you guys 🥳

———————————————————-

Pile 1 - Crow 🖤

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Founder

Who they are: King of Swords, 5 Swords & 8 Pentacles

Why: 9 Wands & King of Pentacles

Oracles: ENGAGEMENT RING 💍

- Higher Commitment

- Eternity

- Partnership & Union

- Completion

71 - Free Associate

Allow the first thing that comes into your mind without self-censorship to bestow a vision upon you.

70 - Insight

See beyond appearances, masks, cliches, and cultural stereotypes to gain insight.

Several stories are coming through at once with this King of Swords. This feels like an authority figure, and with The Founder, they are the ones that did something “first”. Or better, in their mind, or yours, and it creates a LOT of pressure on you to meet or exceed the standards of this other person. King of Swords is a very intelligent person, they don’t consider emotions in their decision making, only the logic and facts they have in front of them. They can be very black & white in how they view solutions, there’s a right way and a wrong way, and while they are friendly & focused on fairness, they can also be straight to the point and almost cutting with how they communicate with others. Just the facts, and they use that sword to cut off what doesn’t serve them or isn’t useful or necessary, information included, they can seem quite unemotional, even cold.

With The Founder, this is also someone very responsible and in charge of something. I’m getting a boss at work, a landlord, a parent, possibly a father in-law or someone in your person/spouse’s family, or this can be an ex-spouse/co-parent of yours or your person’s. They’re involved but also removed from your immediate situation or relationship, yet they still hover in your energy as a means of comparison or not living up to some standard set before. You or your person may split child custody with this ex, so their input is always involved, even if/when it’s not wanted.

You see them as 5 Swords, cruel, instigative, always out to prove a point or put someone down, or your methods perhaps. Queen & King of Pentacles are here, for those in relationships or where this is family or an ex, showing this is your person and you match up in energy. But you can’t shake this other person. They could be jealous of your relationship, how you do things, where you live, or they try to one-up you and show you that they can do it better than you can. They could purposely be difficult with custody to inconvenience you or your person where baby-sitting is concerned, they’re someone that tries to sabotage in order to prove a point, and a lot of this could be regarding money or value, comparing yours & mine. It’s all regarding feelings for this Queen of Pentacles, you or your person, whether romantic or family, whoever they are, this King shows their hurt by being an asshole. Is that okay, no, but that’s what I get from them.

For work/home situations, they’re just very difficult to deal with. They may sabotage you in these ways, not putting work into their property (that you live on) so that you’re forced to leave (or want to). Not giving you the right hours or pay, treating you like less deserving of something you’ve worked hard for. They could be condescending about your work, where you/your person works, and what you have or don’t have. Or them just being them brings out these sorts of inadequate feelings in you, and it’s your issue more than theirs. Comparing what kind of worker, lover, parent, or how intelligent you are. No matter who this is, they’re involved in a stable situation you can’t just pick up and leave. It’s possible this is someone that’s forced you out of a job, a home, a relationship even, and you’re on the outside looking in, having to trudge through the mud while this person sits on a throne…in your mind. They feel like they’re right, and this again could be a judge, some level of authority, and you’re left battling their decisions/actions either privately or because you’ve been forced to by their own bs. Or your perception of it, this can be someone that just triggers your own issues too…knowingly, for some, especially if a boss or some kind of father figure.

It could be your person that’s the problem too, if they’re the ones constantly comparing the two of you or bringing them up. “Well Swords did it that way, and Swords thinks xyz, etc.,” which makes it incredibly difficult for you to be your own person with your own methods, we should be discussing what Pentacles thinks and does ok fk Swords 💯 You could wonder if you’re even cut out for this, this person really weighs on your self esteem, they’re the 3rd energy in a situation/relationship for two.

There’s a small story here about a possible financial advisor that’s giving you hell as well. You may not have the money for something and they’re crushing your dreams with matter-of-fact speak regarding credit, savings, purchases, things you’ve found very difficult or are really trying to overcome. You could feel like they rub your face in shame, but I don’t get that they do, or don’t mean to. Or that’s their job? Something about them makes you feel crazy.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

7 Pentacles & Ace of Wands

Bottom of the deck shows to maintain your self control and your anger, give yourself the time and space you need to calm down, because sometimes the reality of the situation may not be how you’re seeing it in the moment. You could jump to conclusions or have a bit of a temper with this person, and I get a lot of it are your own insecurities. Your person needs to be on your side too, if that’s an issue, or at least play mediator, they’re really the one that has to deal with them, not you (for many of you). Let them handle it. I get hopeful energy, sometimes this will really piss you off, and other times it won’t seem so bad, try to assume nothing and allow yourself & this person the space they need to grow and change. Basically, just be respectful, and if they’re not, show them how it’s done ❤️ For many of you this is unavoidable, and it’s also like you’re loosely on the same team, better to cooperate. Some of you just need to save money, apply elsewhere, move possibly, and otherwise give things time to grow before acting on change. For many of you, boundaries could be necessary depending on what this person is doing to sabotage or affect an environment or relationship. They’re allowed to (and do, being Swords), and you’re allowed to as well 💯

Pile 2 - Potions 🧪

Living or Passed?: Both - Two Stories

Character Oracle: The Thief

Who they are: The Sun, 2 Swords rev, Knight of Swords & The World

Why: 9 Pentacles, Ace of Swords & 6 Swords

Oracles: POKER FACE ♦️

- Taking a Chance

- Risks & Options

- Not Showing Hand

- Gambling

33 - Perfectionism

Be content to know perfection as a distant utopian goal to which we journey but never arrive.

22 - Counsel

Seek out the counsel of those whose lives and creative work you most admire.

75 - Originality

Feel lighthearted and free while trusting that your unique way of doing things is the right way.

These PACs never fail to amaze me. This whole pile is Spirit giving you a round of applause for how you’ve already handled a situation, because it’s done, and you don’t have to worry about them anymore.

The first story is regarding an actual spirit/ghost/poltergeist or what have you. The troublesome & meddlesome kind too. I don’t get “dark”, just tricky, problematic. Only take it if you know you’ve dealt with one, this is simply confirmation & validation for your experience. I’m specifically getting a spirit that liked to take things, or move them, maybe break them. It’s possible they were a child, doesn’t have to be, they liked to mess with you. Always when you were alone, that’s here under “why” they chose you, you were the one in a light 💡 energy, you were alone, and they liked you. Something about you drew them in, where with others they were pretty avoidant or even shy. I get you probably having done some research, and telling this spirit where to go. It’s possible you called in someone who does this for a living, a medium, priest, something like that. Or you did it yourself, and again, they liked you. Whatever you did, it worked, they’ve moved on to the light 💡and won’t bother you again 💚

The second story is for someone alive, a trickster, possibly a gambler or someone that likes to take risks and/or possibly use others for their gain in some way. You are already aware of this person and all of the bs that comes with them, you’ve already told them where to go and have ended the connection. For some, it’s possible this is a parent, or a child, maybe someone you knew as a child. You could have gone to counseling regarding things this person has done, or how they’ve affected you. You have moved on, and have done the right thing. I do sense possible hurt here for a lot of you, in the way you saw the world and how it was/should be - before and after this person. They’ve changed your perspective in many ways, probably negative ways. How a parent “should” be. Or trying to guide a child/friend/etc. that won’t listen and heads down the wrong paths. This person is only out for themselves, and you’ve had to remove yourself from this, which was probably very difficult for you. There is an energy here of forgiveness, them, their actions, yourself, needing to for your own sake. Gain your clarity & allow yourself to move on from this, I see nothing but happiness for you now & moving forward ☀️

3333 is here with Perfectionism, The Sun and The World, showing a shady character is not comfortable in the light - which is you, and they had to leave that behind. You make this person feel uncomfortable, and their darkness stares them in the face around you. This is not your problem, they’re fighting their own demons, or they prefer their own demons.

222 is here with making the decision to seek Counsel, could be counseling, rehab, you may have had to cut someone off until they get help, or need to now. Either way there is someone important that could be or needs to be involved with this, but it’s not your place to.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻: You’ve got this, for many, it’s already handled 💯

For those of you who have not yet handled this, removing yourself is the best thing for you, and you need to only worry about you. Same as this person only worries about them. You may have some ideal they should’ve lived up to, and they should have, *they* probably know that too, but that’s not who they are. If this person left one day and never came back, or you did, I’m getting it’s for your highest good. Are they bad, no. But they’re not good for you, that’s what’s important for you to know, and then Originality points out how wonderful you really are. If this situation runs deeper than even I see, Counsel is here for a reason, it could be good to talk to someone with an outside perspective to help you work through some of these possible traumas. Not that anything is wrong with you, you just owe it to yourself to honor your own experiences and sort through your feelings with someone that is an expert at these things. Some of you have already done this and Spirit is applauding everything you’ve done to deal with this, you’ve done an amazing job 👏

Pile 3 - Window 🪟

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Pathless

Who they are: 8 Pentacles, Queen of Cups, Knight of Wands, 4 Swords rev

Why: The Sun, Ace of Wands, The Magician, 3 Swords

Oracles: KARMIC RELATIONSHIP 🪢

- Resentments & Triggers

- Perception

- Intensity & Letting Go

- Turmoil & Fleeting

4 - Recycle

Learn from the past and apply it to creating your vision of the future.

51 - Time

Time can be seen to be both linear and a spiral - circle back to explore concepts form the past and create the future.

444 on the clock as I begin this reading, two 4’s in your reading as well, this message is about learning from the past in order to create stable relationships in the present, healing yourself from old hurts. Both oracles show past energy, I’m getting you’ve either moved on from this person or they’ve left and you’re needing to. They don’t have great energy 😕

I’ve gotten a few messages showing feminine energy specifically, doesn’t have to be romantic to be karmic, but for some of you this is definitely romantic. It can be any kind of connection, but tough lessons were learned from this person. You loved them. Some of you still do, and always will. I’m getting it’s been very difficult to move on from them, for those that already have. This is the kind of person with no direction, no goals, no real definition of anything in their life. There could be a noticeable age difference between you, or they’re the kind of person who IS an adult, but will always have a rebellious & spontaneous teenage sort of energy. They’re exciting, they make you feel good, happy, ready to take on the world. And then they let you down, disappear, date other people, cheat, hop from situation to situation, person to person, in the hopes that the next one will give them the sense of direction they’re looking for. This one will have purpose. This one is the right one.

But it’s never the one, and they come and go in and out of your life, and probably countless others as well. I get that you’re angry with this person, you want to hold them accountable, and they’re a dodger in nature. They dodge accountability, responsibility, maturity, rules, this person has an answer for everything and none of those answers actually make sense. Yet it works for them, and they know how to craft a reality around them to suit them, for the time being. Until they change again. This could be someone promiscuous in anything, partners, hopping from job to job, moving from place to place, and there’s always some drama attached to them, something they’re running from. They may have simply left you.

I’m also getting you could have done this to them or other people, because of the heavy past energy, and there’s one person in particular that you regret hurting, and they’re haunting you for that reason if that’s the case. Someone was very sexual, spontaneous, rushed into things and created painful situations, that’s the focus. But I’m getting it’s more than that too, that was just one representation of a much deeper issue where this person was/is concerned, and it’s the lack of direction, boundaries, and dreams that causes this sort of personality to dominate their energy. They siphon off of other people’s energy, other people’s goals & dreams, being appealing, sweet, kind & loving and using it to their advantage. They are all of those things, that’s why it works for them. They’re also non-committal and a restless sort of person, I’m getting they’re “too far gone” with this sort of energy, nothing can change them but God, karma, themselves, the consequences of their actions, time, etc. Not you. If it was you, no one could have changed this, not even you at the time.

For a small part of you, this could be a person that literally changed a job of yours, you could’ve lost a job or they did, you could’ve moved or traveled in regards to work or they did. Work is part of the loss, along with them. Or money. For most of you this just shows something you’ve struggled with for a long time, actually letting go of this person/situation. Or they have.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Wheel of Fortune, The Hanged Man & The Hierophant

All major arcanas, all very intense energy, this is a whole life lesson for this person. Karma, and this is a karmic, you’re the lesson that showed them what they’re doing and have done to people they care about. What losing people costs them. What acting on passion or spontaneity (or anger) does to relationships. This message shows the only thing that will teach them is time, time brings perspective on commitment, marriage, religion for some, karma for sure. They will “get theirs”. I also get your own perspective changing with time too, karmic relationships have two sides, two lessons, both of you were meant to meet and experience each other for a purpose. For those that have not already moved away from this, even just emotionally, now is the time to learn it, feel it, and let it go. It’s out of your hands 🙏

Pile 4 - Bouquet 💐

Living or Passed?: Living

Character Oracle: The Shepherd

Who they are: The Fool, 5 Swords, 6 Wands, The Hermit & 10 Swords

Why: 5 Wands, 9 Swords rev & Ace of Swords

Oracles: ASCENDING 🎈

- Learning & Expansion

- Transcending

- Preparing for Union

- New Phase

78 - Recharge

When the pace of life becomes too hectic, know to slow down, be mindful, and go with the flow.

5 - Pitch

Be as clear, concise, and professional as you can be when you explain your ideas to potential associates.

45 - Collaboration

Creative people can be inspired by sharing and stimulating creativity in others.

I’m not pulling out signs here but the fire 🔥 is intense with this pile. There is a lot of conflict with what looks like a pair, a couple, probably parents or grandparents being the most obvious story here. If they aren’t fire signs, then they’re fiery in nature, could have hot tempers and are used to getting their way. If anything, I’m getting you could be too much alike 💯 How this ended initially was a nasty conflict and big-headed egos, you/they are right and the other person is wrong, stick it to them, sort of energy. This had to do with you doing what you want, not what they want. Periodttt. You were glad to leave this, glad to be alone, glad to do wtf you want to do.

I’m getting it worked for you too! Maybe not entirely, but for the most part you’ve succeeded and ascended spiritually, you just keep on rising higher. This could all be switched as well, and you’re watching another person/people rise in their lives, without you. Some of you chased after a goal that crashed and burned terribly, and are now considering a “walk of shame” back to parents or something. You could need them. I do get this being family for the most part, could be a friend/s as well. It doesn’t have to be a couple, that’s just here for where it does apply, 3 Pentacles too. Two people, and you, probably parents. In like…one case, it could be romantic, and you’re haunted over whether someone cheated on you or not, and I get no. The Wands are naturally very flirty, is that okay idk depends on you, but it shows the Death of this occurring before they met the other person. It also answers the question of a reconnect, they’re with someone else now. If there was a known issue in a romantic connection, it’s like something got flirty, someone got pissed off (you?), and it ended immediately after that. No Moon energy, no secrets, no hidden anything beyond that.

You’re conflicted inside on whether or not you could heal this connection, and work together again. Be friends again. Be close again. Come to holiday dinners again. I’m getting you don’t talk much if at all. More specifically, there’s something they have that you want, could be regarding a career or some kind of teamwork collaboration, but I don’t get you literally working together. You need someone’s help, or they could need yours, but you feel like this bridge has been burned, and are afraid of Ace of Swords, clear cut truth & communication, being cut off, or rejected. Or having to again. Except for the ex moving on story, if so it’s not hidden, I don’t see any reason why this can’t be healed, except things like pride…shame…guilt, big egos are at play in all of you. It’s like it runs in the family or something 😜 I’m also getting this feeling that you haven’t done anything this person hasn’t done as well, there is some kind of equal ground or understanding between you. The Shepherd protects its “family” and I get that what this is, is a family, people that look out for you, did, want to, or could, and it’s up to you where/how this goes if it goes.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Queen & King of Wands, 3 Pentacles

Just ask. Be clear, honest, Ace of Swords, no tricks or avoidance, games or bs just be truthful about what’s happened, how you are, what you want, etc., and give this person/people the benefit of the doubt. It feels really positive to try mending these fences, like all of you can rise to another level of understanding with each other and feel good about it.

Pile 5 - Hades ☠️

Living or Passed?: Both - 2 Stories

Character Oracle: The Spymaster

Who they are: 10 Pentacles, 6 Swords, The Tower, 4 Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, 8 Swords

Why: 6 Wands, 9 Cups, Temperance

Oracles: THE DRAGONFLY 🪽

- Light-hearted & Adapt

- Finding Out & Change

- Things Coming to Light & Heal

72 - Nature

Go out in Nature as much as you can, for it’s pure creativity can teach you everything you need to know.

39 - Direction

Switch gears, reboot, and try a new and different direction.

66 - New Start

Sometimes we must realize that what we have done needs to be discarded and we must make a new start.

We’ll start with the living energy first, there are slight variations that separate them into two stories, one being your own actions, the other being someone else’s. Either you stalk them, or they stalk you, this is someone that watches you closely with everything you do. To the point of obsession even. Or you do. There is heavy earth energy here, you/they could reflect that, or the issues here have a lot to do with money, success, and material things. A business. An inheritance. Your career. Or just greed in the sense of no one giving a damn. No one helping you out, financially or otherwise, there is no team effort from a whole group of people. For many, this is your family that you feel victimized by. For others this could be someone that ran out on you (maybe a whole family) and left you to fend for yourself, carrying the bag and everything else on your own shoulders, with no help. Possibly being a single parent, unexpectedly, having the rug pulled out from under your feet and you had no choice but to be strong enough to hold it together, for a group, a business perhaps (or kids). Or you could have done this to them.

This person, or you, the wrong one, is trying to make a comeback into this situation, or wants to, because they see how well things are going for you. It could be you too, there’s a message about playing the victim and trying to gain sympathy, for money, expecting that from others…not helping yourself, just blaming everyone else for your problems. Or that’s them. It’s not the main story, but it’s here as a side note, 8 Swords is either trapped unwillingly, or keeps themselves trapped on purpose, both are possible. There are cases where you or this person were actually put into very difficult & painful situations and just left there with no care or help from anyone around you. Those that left, or you had to leave, haunt you, mostly due to deeply rooted negative perceptions and grudges you still carry, or you know they do.

If they are trying to come back around, it’s because you’re successful now, your dreams have come true, you’ve risen above The Tower and pulled yourself through the mud and the darkness to get where you are today. You could be doing quite well for yourself. And these people just expect a seat at your table? Or you expect a seat at theirs? I don’t think so. The skepticism is healthy, and the distrust makes sense, no matter which side it’s coming from. What are people’s real intentions?

There is a small side story about maybe a coworker or a family member that was in the same business as you, same kind of job, and it’s like they left this behind and succeeded elsewhere, and you didn’t. Or you left, they stayed and took it very far, dreams come true, hard work rewarded, and you’re like damn…that could’ve been me.

There is also a passed loved one story, likely a family member, that watches over you all of the time. They even come up as Temperance, which is always shown as an Angel 😇, they could be a Spirit guide of yours or are just part of your spiritual team, they’re always with you. The Tower may show how they passed on, something quick, unexpected, and very upsetting. Someone you wanted to hold onto, or they wanted to hold on to you. Or maybe your parent, if a grandparent. There could’ve been an inheritance issue with this person, they could have been seen as greedy, or may have been left to their own devices. The outcast of the family, the single parent, possibly an earth sign, they did everything on their own, because they had no choice. Or when they passed on, they left you in that state, and it was out of their control 🙏

For the passed on story, I’m getting a clear message about animals, could be dragonflies, crows & birds, I have those both here. Nature is generally showing anything you see outside that acts peculiar towards you, strangely friendly and such. They send those critters to you, and many say that Spirits often like to use animals as a sign they’re with you. There’s also a note here about whatever you’re doing, needing to switch tracks and do something else, or if you already have, you’re being applauded for that. Some of you started from near nothing and have gone far, they’re cheering for you 👏 Some are encouraging you to do this, if it’s something you’re dealing with now. It’s really a feeling of validation and pride, they’re proud of you for how far you’ve come, and making a dream of yours come true. I’m getting them being with you every step of the way, for all of your life going forward too.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻: For the living

Ace of Pentacles & The Hanged Man

In simplest terms, you may need to take this opportunity to look at things from another perspective, especially in terms of money and the motives of other people, yourself included. Is everyone judging everyone based on some bs sense of worth - via money & material things or are others out to take what’s yours, or vice versa? Is there even money to spread around like that, or like is expected, because I get a sense that there isn’t. In all stories there is a confusion in how you’re seeing money and how that’s a value to you or other people, it’s something you need to see differently than you do currently. What even is value, to you? People that “flex” what they have could really bother you, but it’s like IS it what they’re spending on? Or is it the family around them? Or in some cases the family they left behind, staring at them through the window of the internet & life like wtf…any side could be you, there is no *one* energy strongest in this pile.

Pile 6 - The Babadook 🎩

Living or Passed?: Could be either

Character Oracle: The Brawler

Who they are: 10 Swords, The Empress, 8 Swords, The Hierophant & 10 Cups

Why: The Emperor & 9 Wands

Oracles: ASCENDING 🎈

- Learning & Expansion

- Transcending

- Preparing for Union

- New Phase

50 - Sacred Space

Use beautiful art, music, and creativity if all kinds to put you into a sacred space.

57 - Worry

Worry is attachment to a particular outcome and the fear that it will not come to pass.

This is the most clear reading by far I’ve gotten, the most obvious answer is a parent, or a dynamic between parents. Particularly a mother. For some, your mother may have passed on and your father is a mess over it, it’s like you lost both people the same day, in many ways. Your relationship with one parent isn’t the same after the other one passes on, which is especially difficult for you as children if that’s the case. Sending you lots of love. That won’t be for everyone.

A father figure could be particularly aggressive with this Brawler card here, this is someone that is always fighting, a “tough guy” mentality, like they dare you to go against them. Doesn’t have to be a father either, it could be the mother too. Or a spouse, an ex-spouse, an ex in general, someone destructive, mouthy, you have to walk on eggshells around them. I get a clear narcissist energy from the Brawler card - lacking empathy, and for any of you that have dealt with that traumatic psychological mindfuck, I see you, you’re included. Parent or not, these don’t have to be parents, they’re just here. Marriage & spouses are clearly highlighted too. This could be your situation, your parents, or even a friend that’s married to an asshole and you can’t get them out of your head, it haunts you, because you’re powerless, and they are too it looks like.

Some of you may have literally lost people to a tragedy of some sort involving domestic violence or something very painful like that, maybe blaming the other person involved for what’s happened. In the worst case I can see, one parent may have hurt you, and the other just stood by quietly, or didn’t believe you, they didn’t do shit about it when they should have. It could be switched in any of these cases but I’m not getting that specifically, I’m talking to a hurt person, not the problem. Someone may have hurt you like this, could be close to you, could be a complete stranger. Cases of violence and harm on any level are included. It also doesn’t have to be that serious. This can include step-parents that maybe pulled your own away from you, or that’s how you feel. It can be a co-dependent relationship of some kind, and feeling powerless to do anything about difficult situations in this dynamic of chains - that’s what I’m getting from this whole pile. Someone is in chains, could be you, could be someone else, but it stays with you at all times.

Some of you have freed yourself from a bad situation, but someone else is still there, could be kids, parents, whoever, and you constantly worry about them. You could’ve been left by one parent and the other one is a mess, and you can’t get out of this because they’re emotionally dependent on you. You could’ve been forced to grow up very young because those around you weren’t equipped to deal with reality, like you were the adult here, and you were idk 8 years old. If anyone harmed you as a child, especially in any way regarding violence, or any level of abuse, this is describing them.

You want to grow from this, escape this, want to be better and set better examples for those around you. You could have children of your own, and are haunted by shitty parents, wanting to be better for your own kids, make better decisions that others never did for you or gave to you. You want people around you to guide you and show you the way, or you want to be this person yourself, maybe both. The family you never had, or maybe did have at one time, and something terrible happened to change all of that. It’s like the memories of happiness and a happily ever after are what haunt you. If a spouse, you’re tempted to make it work, even if this is someone you’re cautious about or around. Or you were, and you tried. If a spouse it’s like this person never stops trying and “haunting” can be more like “stalking” because they will literally never leave you alone 💯 My heart goes out to all of you.

The tamest story I’m seeing is a person that wants to follow their dreams, maybe go to school for a specific thing or do things in a way they feel is right, and in order to do this they would have to fight. Or have already fought someone, that they miss and want to reconcile with, but aren’t sure that they can. In this story, you’re happy, it’s others with the problem. No matter what your story is, or who is involved, boundaries seems to have been the lesson here, keeping people behind a wall out of caution of what they will or could do to you, and I don’t get that’s wrong, that’s learned. It’s a trauma response.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

Temperance, 2 Swords & Queen of Cups

For those thinking of making amends, that’s here as a possibility. You could. Don’t have to. I’m getting more than anything that worrying about what will or won’t happen is not useful for you, like you have no control over this. For some that’s the whole problem. I don’t get any one answer because there isn’t one story, no right or wrong way to do or handle any of this. Your advice is to take care of yourself, your heart, your space, give all of the love to you that you would another person. And be very patient with yourself, how you process things, because I get a lot of fear and indecision that’s not helpful to you. It’s really just “take as long as you need”, some of you are dealing with or have dealt with some serious trauma, and you can’t be expected to heal, overcome, “deal with it” or any other mindless bs advice in one day, week, year, five years, doesn’t matter because everyone is different. You focus on you 💯 Love you 💯 Worry about you ❤️ If you want to reconcile with people or not, I don’t get any answer you coming up with being right or wrong, it’s about doing what you feel is best. Ascending 🎈 If this is a person that has passed on, it’s a similar message, with “I love you” attached - Queen of Cups.

Pile 7 - Sinkhole 🕳️

Living or Passed?: Both - 3 Stories

Character Oracle: The Sentinel

Who they are: 5 Cups, Page of Swords, Page of Pentacles, Temperance & The Devil

Why: Queen of Cups, Ace of Cups, 4 Cups & 4 Pentacles

Oracles: DEATH ☠️

- The Relationship is Over

- No Second Chances

- Grow & Transform

- What’s Dead is Dead

36 - Generosity

You can afford to be generous with the gift of your time and attention.

3 - Share

To help you make progress, it’s a good idea to share what you have and what you care about.

Story 1 is about a literal entity, and you’ll know if this is you, because you already expected it, you’re aware of the things going on around you, they make themselves known. Are chatty even, you could have heard actual talking, have seen messages or are receiving them regularly. I almost get an “attachment”, like they are attached TO you. Stuck to you, holding on, it’s possible they’ve even followed you from another place. Are they still with you, yes. I keep getting “they”, and I see two Pages here, there are two of them. It’s possible they’re children, or just young, and it’s likely they’re together. Siblings, friends, I’m not sure but they come together with you as a pair. I don’t get a negative vibe from them, I get a very sad one. Why they latch onto you, because you’re a loving person, almost like a mother or a parent they don’t have and want. You could have living children around and they want to be one of them, they don’t want to “go away”. I get that they don’t know what “away” means, or how to get there, or what comes after, they’d rather be with you. For others with an entity, same energy but not a child, just chatty, noisy, they make it known.

Story 2 are for those who have lost children, or even friends & family while young yourself, people you’ve lost in childhood, or over the years, even if they’re still alive right now. You grieve what’s been lost, and the sadness weighs on your heart like a weight that never leaves. I’m getting you are a very deep, loving, and nurturing sort of person, this could also be their energy for some of you. It stays with you because of how much you loved them, and wanted them to stay, so you hold on tightly to your memories and what you still have of them…but those memories are being tainted with the amount of grief they bring you at the same time. It’s like you feel guilty if you’re too happy. There is no winning in this situation, and I’m sending you so, so much love.

Story 3 is for romantic heartbreak, having been betrayed by some ex lover. It could be the lover themselves or someone they moved on with, things they’ve said and done to you. There’s a lack of closure with this, and it keeps you sad, you want to know why things happened the way they did, what they were planning, how this even happened, how you missed something. It’s caused a lack of trust in you that’s still not been overcome, it’s like it didn’t have to be this way. Essentially, your heart is wanting to ask a snake 🐍 why it bit you. You loved this person deeply, genuinely, and were very kind & loving to them. It’s possible they were this way to you and played you for a fool, you feel that way. Your pride is wounded, and they hurt you very deeply by treating you as someone that could just be replaced, when you gave them nothing but unconditional, pure love. You hang onto this and them tightly, forever holding a grudge, forever upset that this ever happened.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

For the actual spirits, I’m getting that you’re going to have to be a little manipulative in how you handle this. Talk up “the light” and why they should go towards it. Their family is there, friends are there, it’s a beautiful place with the most amazing scenery and everything they could ever want, this place is no good. Someone can actually hug them and talk to them over there. Essentially selling them what they want, is the best tactic to getting them off of you, at least the ones I’m picking up on.

For the other stories where your own heart is centered on grief, heavy sadness, remorse, regrets, heartbreak, the advice is to “see the light” yourself. Your family, your friends, what you have right now, and how far you’ve come. Be proud of yourself. You could be needing to see people more, or spend time with loved ones and friends more. You can honor sadness and still make time for happiness, gratitude, deep connections with other people, seeing how things maybe worked out for the best - in some cases, not all 💯 I’m getting group energy, if grief is your main focus and you’ve lost someone, this can be a community drive or a cancer 5k run or something to honor your lost ones in a way you actually can. Planting a tree, donating something nice to a park, adopting a road, there are many different avenues to remember people, and they’ll see that, they’ll know. There’s no need to feel guilty or conflicted for feeling happy today, your loved ones on the other side want you to be, and they are too. They miss you too, and they’ll see you soon…to them, it’s soon. In the meantime, they’re always with you, always, and they like to be honored in special ways, thought of and celebrated like they’re still here, because they are, just in another way. For those who have lost loved ones, I’m getting they too are chatty, they send you messages and signs often, and if you think you’re just crazy, you’re not. Talk to them, ask for signs & they’ll show you however they can. You could also try contacting a medium of some kind to actually talk with them, if that’s something you’d like to try, again I get “chatty”, like they’d love to show up for you.

For some of you, the advice is simply, if you miss them then tell them, call them, where that’s possible. For the ex story I’m getting you’ve already come a long way, or you will eventually get to a point where things are so good you wouldn’t change them, and if you’re not there yet just keep moving forward ❤️

Pile 8 - Siren 🧜‍♀️

Living or Passed?: Probably still alive

Character Oracle: The Puppeteer & The Aspirant

Who they are: Wheel of Fortune, 4 Pentacles, The Devil, 6 Swords, The Hanged Man

Why: 6 Pentacles, 2 Wands, Queen of Cups

Oracles: THE RUNNER 🏃‍♂️

- Fear of Intimacy

- Running Away

- Intensity & Letting Go

- Turmoil & Fleeting

54 - Visualize

When we develop our abilities to visualize, we can manifest maximum influence on our experience of reality.

43 - Change

For a change, do something you usually do a certain way in a different way.

80 - Go Deeper

Expressing the deeper meanings in life, while staying attuned to childlike wonder, is at the heart of all great art.

This is probably going to be the most popular pile, because I’ve pulled two character cards and the energy is very vague and general, meaning many people will resonate with it. This is the “loved and lost” pile, Twin Flame, karmic relationships, doesn’t have to be but they’re all included. It can be a parent that ran off, a friend, cousin, someone you looked up to. They can be anyone. And it is not only those who have been left, but those who run.

Most of these people are still alive, not all perhaps, but I’m getting there are no spirits haunting anyone here, even if that’s the case. It’s memories & love that haunt you. The character cards show the two sides of a Twin Flame, that’s the easiest way to describe this dynamic and split the stories - even if that’s not exactly your story, the feelings are the same.

Story 1 - The Left Behind

It’s a spiritual connection, karmic in nature, so the pull between you is intense. It’s like they know you, they read you, they can understand what you’re thinking and feeling before even you do. They may have manipulated you, tricked you, you could have felt bamboozled and lost when this person just left, because it felt so REAL. It was intense, and everything inside of you *knows* this person was meant to be your person, or in your life, there’s a thread connecting you…but they ran off. How can a person just DO that? You can’t just leave, and you haven’t. Some of you have been tied to this person for a long time, holding on a little longer, forever waiting for them to grow up, see sense, see the light, realize you’re worth it.

Why, because this person gave you a sense of meaning that runs deeper than most other people in your life. All spiritual ties feel this intense, you just know, and you don’t know how you know but you do. You could still see synchronicities that remind you of them - even when you don’t want to, you try to force them out of your head, and then you dream about them and it starts all over again. You’re never going to be able to actually let this person go, but you do need to change your side of things, so that this doesn’t remain so strong. It’s Devil energy currently, keeping you trapped, you feel like you can’t escape it. Some of you could feel used, and discarded, and similar to the last pile, want to ask a snake 🐍 why it bit you. The answer won’t make you feel better, and for many of you, it’s why they never returned. And if you love them anyway, they can’t respect you for that, because a snake knows it’s a snake, and they’d likely do it again 💯 But you may not know how to continue on without them, and that’s the whole lesson of this very deep soul connection. They’ve changed your whole life, now you have to, on your own.

Story 2 - The Runner

The Aspirant is your character card, it’s the eager to run, eager to rush into new experiences, try on different faces in different places with different people, and make mistakes, but being afraid to face them once that’s happened. You’ve probably had a life full of all sorts of experiences and connections, many stories to tell anyone who’d like to listen, and many of them which didn’t run that deep, most things probably don’t with you. Life is life and it’s for living. Deep is something that feels like entrapment, it’s good in the moment but who you are is not built for what’s required of taking something “deep” all the way. It’s not comfortable, not FUN, it’s not for you. There is too much out there to see, do, be, and explore. Too many potential lovers to meet, too many different jobs to try your hand at, you’re not the person to want to stay put…forever. That’s daunting. There could be many reasons why, you all probably have all sorts of personal philosophies and beliefs on why “staying put” is not for you, and they’re not wrong, that’s you. Wheel of Fortune, you’re meant to be this way, because you’re meant to learn whatever it is you’re learning through all of this, it’s brought as much joy as it has any sorrow.

There is one particular person though, that sticks with you no matter where you go, you can’t outrun them, the feelings, the guilt, the longing in some cases. Maybe even the obsession, either you or them. You keep running and they constantly follow you, in dreams, even if you haven’t spoken in years. Time works funny in a karmic/Twin relationship. Time works funny on the other side, like it doesn’t really exist, and neither does it in these intense connections. It does and it doesn’t. They’re put here to make you feel the way you feel, because face it, no one else could. There’s something about *them* that was real, genuine, the depth of this connection came to you naturally, and it moved quickly. If it was intimate, it felt like your soul was on fire. It scared you. If it was family, you felt like you *were* this person, the connection was like two same people, they understood and loved you like no one else could. You probably didn’t know that then.

Your people are probably still alive, not all, but you can’t go back. If they’ve passed on, that’s probably what triggered a spiritual awakening of sorts, because runners don’t usually watch tarot readings or believe in…much. The 3D, what’s in front of them, LIFE IS FOR LIVING, you pave your own way etc etc, not analyzing karmic lessons, that’s boring 🤪 with beliefs & nonsense right, what a headache and it’s depressing af, too much, that’s likely not your cup of tea. Or it was at one time, and you’re not alone. I’ve met way more people like this than the other way 💯

Why you’re haunted, because of love. Same as the first story, there was a purpose with some person, a direction you never felt you really had, they gave you meaning, definition, you felt like you knew who you were when you were with them. Or who you wanted to be. Some of this may have been hopeful projection, not who *you* really are, because you ended up leaving this behind. Or was it? You always question what if. Something made you leave, and The Wheel of Fortune shows things being destined, karmic, outside of your control (or theirs). Could’ve been another person, an opportunity, a job, moving away while young, a death in some cases. Life was life-ing, some of you chose to walk and others had no choice. It was your path to do whatever you did, for whatever reason you did it, especially in this connection. Many things are free will, and some things are soul-level lessons, orchestrated by things outside of us, and those feel the most intense, they’re the soul connections. Like this one, whoever they are. Is it your fault? Depends on your own story. Some yes, some no, and some “you couldn’t have known”. Shocking you was the point, they were the jolt.

Advice to deal with this ghost 👻:

9 Pentacles, 4 Swords, 5 Pentacles & Ace of Wands

I don’t get a reconcile energy from either of you, 9 Pentacles is happily independent, with or without a person, and that’s what you’re needing to achieve within yourself. Healing from whatever has happened. Healing any abandonment issues that came with it. Releasing it entirely, because for many of you, control is not a factor - you have none. It either is or it isn’t, and it’s not up to you with whoever this is. Whether or not it’s Twin Flame doesn’t seem to matter, because it’s the same advice.

Assume they’re not coming back. Ever. You have to worry about yourself, live for yourself, do what you want to do and express your soul’s purpose in whatever way that is for you, this person is not a factor in that. They may have started the story, but then made their exit, and it’s up to you to continue it, change it, mold it, surprise us, and come up with your own ending. Be free of them. Will you still think of them, dream of them, sure, especially Twins. Whoever they are IS a soul tie, you’re not crazy. Many are just lessons. It was meant to be this DEEP and intense, meant to start a fire in you that doesn’t die, but it needs to be redirected.

Ace of Wands shows you needing to feel passion for other things, head off in other directions, feel joy and inspiration from new experiences. Pretend they never happened, what would you do now? Who are you now? Who do you want to be, what would that person do? What makes you feel ALIVE, by yourself, because it feels good, it’s for you, your whole soul resonates with this thing? And then do that. Could be music could be gardening could be work, whatever makes you feel like *you*. You won’t forget them, but for awhile you should probably try to, on purpose, and have faith that whatever you do or whoever you end up with, it’s the right thing for you. This person filled you with purpose and love, now they’re unconsciously keeping you chained away from purpose, and love ❤️

———————————

P.S. After finishing

That was intense. I was thinking Halloween fun and maybe some actual demons let’s do this, when I first had the idea, and what I got was…real shit. Things that hit our core. Things we’ve held onto a long time. I’m both surprised, and not. I’m sending you all love & hugs, we’ve all got demons, just not the kind that pop up in the mirror and say BOO 👻 Though a couple could. You never know.

Happy Halloween! And thank you for being a part of my intense/funny little tarot corner of the interwebs. I appreciate & love you all, and I’m cheering on everyone to win 🏆 at everything they want to win at along their soul’s journey 🥰 Thank you!

[evilphrog]

Watching Wheel of Time without reading the books: Season 2, episode 1

I'm at it again! I know I never posted the season 1 finale review, and maybe I will go back and do that later. But for now, I just finished the season premiere, and I have to say, Perrin is 100% correct. The five of them are much more impressive together than apart. Which isn't to say I disliked it. They are all on the struggle bus, but that is where character development is at its peak, and where we get to see their true inner strength. Which is to say, I LOVED it. Bring on the angst!

The season opener with the round table of evil plotters was a fun and clever way to deliver some exposition without boring us. Having a little girl crawling under the table, disturbing the Very Important Shadowy Cloak Meeting really humanized every single one of them, and seeing the Fake Dark One be so gentle and patient with her gives some insight into how people can become dark friends. They are just concerned parents. I am now calling him Nancy Reagan, since he is their leader. I also definitely want to pet a trolloc. They look much cuter when they aren’t being ordered to kill everyone in sight. Are they tamable? Or...redeemable? I am still not sure of their level of free will/sentience, so I am not sure which word applies.

The first scene post-credits is Moiraine working hard to take her Very Sad Alone Time Depression Bath. Just one woman, chilling in a hot tub, cuz the water gets cold without magic. It was a very good idea to show the first hot tub scene in the recaps, so I could get the full emotional subtext here. Bathing is a communal activity in this culture, but she can’t handle having someone else see her in such a vulnerable position when she already feels so vulnerable all the time. But the longer she spends isolated, the more alone and vulnerable she will continue to feel.

She and Lan are hiding out with their friends, Sassy Twin, Serious Twin, and Tom. Tom is married to one of them, but I forget which one. Without the warder bond, Lan must have lost the rapid healing that allows him to withstand his severe clothing allergy. Good thing the Sassy Twin is there to helpfully point out additional clothes that might be hurting him, and to reassure him it would be fine to remove them in her home. She truly speaks for all of us. I’m glad Lan has these three friends around to support him as he supports Moiraine. This poor man is having to learn, at the tender age of forty-something, to use his words to describe how he feels. He is afraid for his best friend, he is hurt about being pushed away at a time when he would expect to be leaned on even harder, I am pretty sure he blames her for blocked bond because she had put the block up prior to being shielded, and he feels like he is losing his only purpose in life.

And in the face of all that, he has to exhibit so much patience as Moiraine acts like every insecure teenager ever and tries to push him away. His previous experience with teenagers taught him what this behavior is like, but not how to handle it. Her “I am so aloof and do not care at all about the feelings of others” routine was incredibly transparent to everyone except Lan. He really needed his friends to lovingly slap him in the ego and remind him that the only way to truly help her is to let himself be the vulnerable one, so she can see how it' it's done, and realize it's something she can live with.

But now he has to do it the old fashioned way, by walking upstairs to check on her. Good timing, too. Slightly worse timing for Serious Twin, but at least she could handle all the Eyeless. Hopefully one of the twins does healing.

Meanwhile, at Aes Sedai High, Nynaeve and Egwene are in novice training. Egwene is dealing with a bit of culture shock. She accidentally witnesses an actual, honest to Light, bisexual orgy on screen. She is going from being a big fish in a small pond to being a big fish in an ocean surrounded by other big fish, but she is handling it better than I expected. Nynaeve is handling the entire thing exactly as I hoped she would. While Egwene focuses on adding extra challenges by learning to weave with both hands tied behind her back, Nynaeve is semi-consciously stopping herself from doing any magic at all. Polly tries playing on her pride, by saying she is just scared, and Nynaeve responds by drinking dirty dishwater while making direct eye contact. Such a power move, there. Unfortunately, it leads directly to an unwanted face-to-face discussion with JK Rowling, which quickly turns into a surprise duel. I thought JK was torturing Nynaeve by hurting her, but my husband said she was only making the air too thick for Nynaeve to move through. And really, nothing could possibly torture Nynaeve more than placing an unwanted restriction on her. She did end up shielding her, temporarily, and that was described as one of the most brutal forms of assault. Pretty sick, but also pretty consistent with boarding school hazing rituals.

Later, Nynaeve and Egwene read the letter from Perrin, where he hopes they will all stick together. And JK Rowling goes down to her secret Man Dungeon For Men to read a heavily edited version of the letter to her prisoner, New Mat. And, to this I have to say, come on JK Rowling! Why do you go and pull a stunt that the actual JK Rowling also used in her own book? Your name is getting more and more accurate as time goes on, and that is not a compliment. Anyways, Mat responds in pretty much the same way Harry Potter did, by trying to break out of jail. I’m not sure how I feel about New Mat so far. He seems a bit like a soggy bed sheet, but he is also in the exact circumstances that would lead to soggy bed sheet behavior. His puckish attitude was mostly a mask he put on to lift the spirits of those around him, and his private moments were entirely spent dwelling on his own misery. Presumably the only person he has interacted with for months now is someone who actively feeds on that misery. JK Rowling is a cursed dagger unto herself.

We get a brief glimpse of Rand, with his new haircut. He is sad and has no lines. I assume he will be more present in future episodes. He lights a lantern, presumably for his mother, but maybe for the innocent version of himself that will never exist again. Maybe for his friends he thinks he can never see again. They light the lanterns for those they lost, which might not necessarily mean the ones who died.

Perrin, meanwhile, is on a quest to find Padan Fain and steal back the magic horn. He has found another Wolf guy, who seems to be teaching him how his wolf powers work. Apparently he can see the past? Maybe he is smelling the places where things used to be, like Angua does in Discworld? So then, is he a werewolf? This is a very confusing power that has still not been explained at all. I would have liked to see Perrin get a training sequence similar to Egwene and Nynaeve, but the defining trait of wolf guys is that they aren’t a chatty bunch. They find a bunch of bodies of the traitors from the final battle, presumably disposed of once they were no longer useful. The group holds a proper funeral for them, which confuses Perrin. He doesn’t understand how they can go to such effort for the people responsible for the deaths of hundreds. The prince guy responds that if his people spent their time seeking revenge on those who betray them, they wouldn't have time for anything else. It is more helpful to the ones left behind to let it go and focus on the mission. Sort of the way of the leaf, but with a more productive twist. Perrin is really on a quest for a moral philosophy that he can live with, and this one seems slightly more compatible with him.

At Bel Tine, he lights a lantern for his wife. The first time he has to do so. He places his wedding ring on the lantern, but takes it back at the last second. He isn’t ready to let go of his own guilt just yet, but at least he can move forward while carrying it now. Loial seems good for him. And Perrin is good for Loial. He’s way more likeable now that he has gotten used to the wonder of living in the human world, and stopped condescendingly and incorrectly explaining how it all works. They are both figuring that out together. I am not sure how he survived being stabbed with the cursed dagger. By all rights it makes no sense. So I guess… Loial returned somehow. And we are also moving on from it and focusing on the mission, even if we carry our confusion with us.

Other episode reviews

[malicedafirenze]

I unintentionally skipped a lot of the romance content in Baldur's Gate 3 and I want others to learn from my mistakes:

So: I managed to lock myself out of romance entirely and ended up alone, which was a huge bummer and a serious crack in my motivation to play the game. I finished my playthrough (because I was already close to the end of Act 3 when I realized it), and plan to do another one eventually. I'm making this post in hopes of a) keeping others from making the same mistakes and b) to possibly get some additional insight re. what to watch out for in my next playthrough.

PSA: Pick a Partner before Act 3

The key learning here for me was this explanation from the poly mod

In BG3, romance is divided into 2 steps: dating and relationship(also called partner). Dating is basically where you are at after the 1st romance scene. Relationship is where you are at after the 2nd romance scene (relationship also unlocks the kissing menu). BTW, If you enter A3, all dates will break up with you (partners won't, ofc).

I hadn't realized this until well into Act 3, at a point where going back to a save to properly fix it would have meant replaying large parts of Act 2 as well - I decided to finish my run instead and then start a completely new one later.

Note: lots of spoilers below. (click here to read this post on reddit instead)

My Romance Woes

I read in advance that you couldn't romance multiple people (except for the specific Halsin combos with Shadowheart and Astarion) and therefore turned down Gale and Lae'Zel early in the game (not realizing you could just date/bonk them without fully committing or getting anyone upset)

I didn't take approval all that seriously, thought I'd have more opportunity to fix things later. I was playing pretty good guy, and ended up with high approval for Karlach and Shadowheart, but low for Astarion. Weirdly, I don't recall an option to romance Shadowheart (no clue what I missed?) and the only option I had for Karlach was at the Tiefling party, where I went with Astarion instead. I had a scene or two with him, but then didn't progress further in the relationship, without really realizing what I was missing.

I wanted to romance everyone, sat on the fence for too long, and ended up not romancing anyone at all, by missing a thing or two in act 1 and 2 and being too late to fix it in act 3. Don't be like me, it feels bad man.

Early Act 3, I got Astarion's breakup dialogue ("we haven't spent a night together in some time" --> him explaining it was just transactional and he doesn't see the value in it anymore) and got super worried, but when trying to look up if I'd messed up, I didn't find a clear answer for without more spoilers, so I just continued playing Act 3, including all of the companion quests.

I later learned that I missed out on at least one important Astarion romance interaction by not going to Moonrise Towers until after freeing Nightsong. (when the Towers are already on high alert, i.e. I could only fight and not have a lot of conversations)

After realizing I had messed up companions romance, I instead fucked everyone it was unwise to fuck (Emperor, Mizora, Harleep...) for fun and to see what would happen... but chickened out and reloaded after Emperor and Mizora. Still, got to enjoy some fun content that way!

The ending I got (going to Avernus with Karlach) was really cool and made me cry a lot. I then did try to reload my last save though, to see if I'd get any other epilogue content if I didn't go to the Hells, but... apparently that scene on the docks (Astarion goofily running off, everyone kinda agreeing to go party after this, no other conversations with anyone again.... is just... it?

Idk how much of this is the lack of romance, but I really felt like something was missing there. I at least wanted to talk to everyone again one last time.

This is a post about my romance failures and regrets so I'm not gonna talk about everything else that I loved about the game, but just in case this is getting a bit too negative: I had an absolute blast with the whole game regardless, I'm stoked to give it another go the "proper" way (i.e. with romance). I also generally think it's really fucking cool that this game's romance options depend on how you behave, and that you can't just e.g. give someone the right kind of gift 20 times in a row to make them love you, like it works in games like Stardew Valley.

Next Playthrough Plans

I'll probably wait for another patch or two - considering how much got fixed and tweaked with the first three patches, I suppose it's worth to wait a bit and see what's coming

I'll play with the Poly mod next time and try to romance all of the Origin characters.

I plan to play with the camp notifications mod, as well as the approval ratings in dialogue mod. Both in hopes of being able to game the romance a bit better and get much of the romance in one playthrough

I'll play Dark Urge (haven't seen any of that so far!), but probably still go for a "good" playthrough mostly

I plan on equipping & levelling all Origin companions and switch them out more freely, in order to get approval from everyone and edit my party as makes sense depending on story events (e.g. take Lae'Zel to the Creche, take Gale to the Ketheric fight...)

I want to romance everyone. I already saw some tips for early game Astarion approval and assume the aforementioned mods will help in optimizing this

Am probably not gonna do anything all that differently otherwise because my heart can't take an actually evil playthrough

Aand that's about it. As mentioned, I'm mostly posting in case this helps anyone else.

I was really damn sad when I realized I had locked myself out of all romance, because the romance was a significant part of my motivation to start playing this in the first place. At the same time, I loved so much about the game that I still got a lot out of it in 110+ hours even with minimal romance content.

If you see any red flags about my plans for the next playthrough (or if you have experience with the mentioned mods!), I'd appreciate comments and insights. Other than that, here's hoping others can learn from my mistakes. Thank you for reading <3

[ourladyofmaplemurder]

Cheryl & The Blues

A lovely friend of mine pointed something out to me this morning. Namely, the "why" of the blue dress in Season 1, which had led me to the meaning of blue for Cheryl.

I had asked for his insights previously, as he is a costume designer who is far more visually inclined than I, but it wasn't until now that I got a response. (He has always been a RiverHater, but it seems he is coming around. Our flock grows. Praise Mother Gaia.) In any case, he pointed out that this dress is an attempt from Cheryl to embody Cinderella.

Here is a quick paraphrase of what he said:

She is is desperately trying to NOT be Cheryl during this dinner. At one point she even says "It's supposed to be Cinderella who ran away from the ball." Thus, the blue dress is here to help her emulate the "trad wife heterosexual Cinderella." By the end of the scene, she goes full Cheryl and snaps on Archie because her charade doesn't work and everyone still thinks she's a chaotic lesbian.

Lots to unpack here, no?

As we know, Cheryl IS red. So, seeing her in blue (and this is blue, despite the fact that it looks sort of green. A nod to envy, perhaps?) is very strange. Blue is Betty's color, and though Betty is NOT the ultimate trad wife heterosexual, she is coded that way. In fact, much of her internal character conflict is about her having to grapple with being "The Girl Next Door".

So, this dress is Cheryl's attempt to be "The Girl Next Door". It seems so simple now that I think about it, but still.

I think it's interesting that Cheryl invokes Cinderella specifically, rather than Snow White or Sleeping Beauty. Snow White would certainly make sense. She's tortured by an evil mother figure and pale as snow, both things that Cheryl could relate to. There's even poison in that story and we all know how much Penelope loves poison. Sleeping Beauty wouldn't really make sense until after Cheryl's Sweet Water River incident, but still. I think it's kind of interesting how many fairytale princesses we could link to Cheryl.

She chooses Cinderella though. Why? Well, Cinderella is also tormented by an evil mother figure, but her most significant moment is being transformed. Cinderella is lifted from the ashes of her wretched life to go to the ball with the help of her fairy godmother in the hopes of winning the heart of the prince. The prince is clearly Archie and there is no Fairy Godmother. Maybe that's why it doesn't work.

In any case, Cheryl is a lot, even for herself, so it makes sense that she would try to suppress her true colors, so to speak, from time to time to satisfy a particular goal. She is aware that she is too much, at least to some degree at any given moment of the series, so yeah. She whips out the blue when she's trying to tone herself down.

(I'm probably making too much of this, but there's something about Cheryl Blossom and fairytales that just clicks in my mind. It reminds me of Blanche DuBois from Streetcar saying, "I don't want realism, I want magic!" I feel like Cheryl would agree with that. )

Also! Another time that Cheryl wears blue? Toni's bachelorette party in Season 6. This is another time that you could argue she is trying to suppress herself in the interest of being a supportive ex. (Also fascinating that Heather is wearing red! A testament to her love for Cheryl, I think. This IS right before they have their big kiss.)

She also wears blue when she comes up with the idea to kill Percival for Toni's wedding present. It's a sort of "show of support", but we all know she does not support this union and desperately wants Toni back so....

This is also likely why the Sister of Quiet Mercy uniforms are blue. They are symbols of repression for Cheryl specifically. (And Betty too, tbh. I think this 'suppression' narrative probably works for Betty too, but I would need to actually go through and check that. So, for now, let's just focus on Cher Cher.)

Now, Cheryl wears blue pretty often in season 7, but that makes sense considering the fact that she has to suppress herself quite a bit due to the nature of the times. But like, look at this:

These are all moments where Cheryl is actively suppressing her true feelings, in this case, the gay ones. However, what's different about these instances, and these costumes, is that the truth is always poking through. The suppression in the 50's is different. She's not trying to suppress herself FROM herself. Not in the long run. The red accents remind us who she truly is and that she is still Cheryl Blossom underneath that trad wife, heterosexual nonsense she's putting on.

All this to say: When Cheryl is wearing blue she is actively suppressing herself! It's consistent!

ADDENDUM:

Where does this analysis place her River Vixen uniform?

As you can see, it is predominantly blue. However, I do not think that it fits into the "suppression narrative" in the same way as her other blue outfits. The River Vixen uniform is blue, but it's also a symbol of the Town and of Cheryl's sense of belonging within her community. Though I do think the red versions of her Vixen attire that she wears in season 5 are symbolic of her truly owning her place in the town as the Coach of the Vixens and also the Blossom Heir, I don't think she's actively suppressing herself as a River Vixen.

Tune in next time for White and, one day, Green. (Also wondering about Pink.......)

Ciao!

[tallymonster]

Memories of Us Chapter 4

Chapter list (1) (2) (3)

I have no clue what to even say, all the support, reblogs, and comments from everyone who has been reading this beautiful thing I've had in my daydreams has been pretty amazing. I can't thank you all enough 💕

Summary: Octavia has a little mess to clean up.

As always, thanks goes to my beta and best friend @micropoe10 . She's the driving force behind this idea because she kept telling me how good it was. So thanks, I owe you many lol.

Inspired by @cheesy-cryptid 's piece of fan art that buried itself in my brain and kept telling me what to write.

Chapter 4

"sleep til the sun burns out"

The next morning, Gale walks up to his shared office. Octavia should have already begun on the last of their tasks. At least a month of work finally coming to an end. They decided early on to share the office he had, after all one person doesn't need that much space to themselves. As he fumbles with the door, Astarion stops him. "Ah! My favorite assistant! Good morning Gale. I trust that you and our dear Octavia are prepared for the opening?"

Gale enthusiastically nods. The coffees he's got stacked on top of his pile of books are slightly shaking. He catches himself against the door and steadies the drinks, "Oh most definitely. Octavia has been staying after hours a few nights, at her insistence mind you, and she's incredible! She did at least three days of work in only half the time! I don't know what I would do without her at this point."

A small blush lands on his cheeks and he clears his throat. "Thank you for trusting me to bring her on board, she's a wonderful addition." Gale smiles awkwardly as Astarion gets in front of him and takes the cups. "Let me hold this for you before you wear this instead of your dashing sweater." Gale's shoulders fall a bit and he rolls his eyes.

They walk into the office to see a gigantic mess. Books, paperwork, pens, all matter of snack foods and energy potions surround Octavia and Gale's combined desks. "Octavia? Are you...?" Gale places his books on the desk softly, meanwhile Astarion places the cups down, picks up a book, and slams it on the table in front of her.

"I'M AWAKE! I'M HERE!!" Octavia springs up, a small note stuck to her cheek. She looks around bleary-eyed and rubs her face, as the room comes into focus, two faces come into view. Gale, and...OH SHIT. "MR. ANCUNIN! GOOD MORNING!!!"

She looks around and sees the mess left behind, quickly fixing her hair and ripping the note off her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't know" Gale mouths to her, he hands her the coffee and begins to gather the room. She puts her face in her arms and hides into the desktop. Thoroughly embarrassed, she lifts her head and looks at Astarion. "Good morning...sorry...I just really wanted to be done, and good news. It's done." She takes a lazy swig of her drink.

Astarion yawns and sips a bit from Gale's cup, coughing dramatically."Gods! How many sugars do you add to this?! This tastes absolutely vile!" He makes a disgusted face and places the cup back on the desk.

"Please tell me you aren't one of those people who asks for the drink with the longest name just to feel important?" He huffs, rolling his head to the side. "I'm not sure how to react to that." Octavia states, she looks down at the pile of papers Gale has already gathered.

She gets up to help, but Astarion stops her. "There's actually a reason I came by to see you both. Something that will pique both of your interests." Gale shoots him a suspicious glare, "What have you done now?" Astarion smiles and places down a well worn book, its black and red cover fraying like it's about to disintegrate if you sneeze in its direction.

"While I was away in the Underdark, I met with a lovely mind flayer and hobgoblin who had all kinds of interesting rare artifacts. One of which was this very book. They told me that this was procured during the siege on the Szarr estate, I'm hoping that it has more insight into our mysterious subject."

He slides the book over in between Octavia and Gale. "I'd love for the pair of you to tackle this long game Gale has played by himself. Octavia, your dedication to our last project surely landed you the task of caring for this book. Not a soul is to even breathe on it. That means you too, Gale."

He tilts his gaze over to Gale who scoffs a little at the notion that he can't read this book. "No offense, dearest Gale, I just don't want it leaving this office and we all know how you like to take work home." He pats Gale on the shoulder as he turns to leave the shared space.

"Also, one last thing. No more overnights, Octavia. You need your beauty rest, my darling. I've told you once before.." he leans in close to Octavia's left side and softly speaks near her ear "Can't have that beautiful mind of yours working too much, you'll turn into Gale, and I feel like you're far too much fun for that, hmm?"

She turns to him, their faces a few inches from each other. He's slightly taller than her, but in this closeness, he feels ten feet tall. His eyes hidden again behind pitch black lenses pierce through her, and the previous chill builds in her core, a shudder escapes her lips as the flush creeps onto her face. "Of course, sir, no more overnights."

She keeps her gaze on the glasses, her own eyes watching in return. She sees the vulpine expression start on his lips "Octavia, what have I told you about calling me 'sir'? We're in private chambers, not the atrium. Live a little, dearest." His voice dripped with suggestive candor.

Octavia on the other hand, was melting into the floor underneath her in return. She's never been around someone so well spoken, and it's pretty intimidating. "Of course....Astarion. I will go home tonight and sleep in my bed, not on my desk." She smiles timidly, back up at her as she looks towards him. "Wonderful, glad to hear it."

Astarion turns quickly on his heels, he must have somewhere to be. Octavia turns to Gale, an incredulous look on his face. "So he wants you to rest but he gives you another gargantuan responsibility to fulfill? I don't get that man sometimes." He shakes his head and keeps filing away paperwork.

—--------------------------------------------------

Later on, Octavia finalizes the displays and wanders back to her office. The last of the visitors are filing out, their dull rumblings and soft murmurs keep her company for a moment. As she turns the corner, mind elsewhere, she doesn't notice the person in front of her until it's too late.

The shock is like walking into a wall, her little pad falls to the floor and her forehead starts to feel warm. "You know, we really have to stop running into each other like this" there's a tiny sarcastic laugh behind the statement.

Astarion was standing in front of her and Gale's office holding two black envelopes adorned with silver writing. One for Gale and the other for her. "I meant to give this to you earlier. Before we got caught up in…all that…" he grimaces towards the office.

"Anyway, we're having a little party here for the board members, staff, beneficiaries, pretty much anyone who wants to have their name on a wing or a bench. I came to give you and Gale your invitations but you were both gone. Figured you actually listened to me for once." He shrugs loosely, picks up Octavia's notepad, and hands it back to her along with the envelope.

The black matte paper was smooth in her hands, her name embossed in silver leaf. She flips over the envelope and sees a silver wax seal with a Sharran symbol stamped in the middle. "Spared no expense, huh?" She remarks as she opens it.

"No, of course not. How do you think we pay for all the exhibits? We have to wine and dine these benevolent people to give us more gold to cover what I spent trying to convince other people to let me have their pretty little treasures they kept in dilapidated, crumbling, piles of rubble and bone for two hundred years." Astarion rambles sardonically, waving his hands as he rounds off. "That's all in a day's work for me. Having to put on airs to impress people who wouldn't even give me a second glance had I not worked my way up to where I am now. I've been one with the shadows for as long I can remember."

His voice lowers, a forlorn twinge to his words. "Having to sort through rushed, sloppy graves. You almost feel sorry for the corpses, I think I do. Hmm. Nevermind any of that. There's a dress code by the way. Black preferably. Spend some of that graduation money you mentioned and get yourself something nice."

He brushes some hair off Octavia's shoulder, his hand lingers there for a bit. She stares at his hand there and looks back at him, wide eyed. "You deserve it after all." He takes his hand off, placing both his arms behind his back. "Well I'm off. Looks like I'll have to look for Gale at his place. I'll see you there, dearest."

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[nerdyfan1]

Btw I’ll always argue Pentious is not just a gag character and his arc is probably the best one in season one. In fact not only do I like him more in the actual show then how he is in the pilot but, I think the show makes him in the pilot make more sense.

Idk I noticed some ppl were expecting him to be way more serious. Which doesn’t really fit season 1 at all. Here now we got a more interesting character with a good set up for depth later on along with something that both makes sense with what was established in the pilot (cus yes I actually do think deep down Pentious was always a bit soft and his behavior in the pilot along with towards the beginning before he got used to everyone in the hotel is him reacting to his environment) and fits the general tone. I noticed that a lot of ppl really wanted to seem more depressed or serious while having his softer more goofy side underplayed (or be just be completely dickish which sounds super uninteresting lol) without really trying to understand why he was written this way in the official show to begin with. They clearly wrote him this way to show his progress in the hotel. He doesn’t start sad wet uwu babygirl, go back it’s more of a result of him soften around ppl like Charlie and the rest of the cast. That’s kind of the point. Like idk I wouldn’t have this man be any other way. 💖

Hearing about the interviews and stuff including how they do plan to explore his backstory kind of tells me what I was expecting. Idk we can’t expect all the characters to be dark and serious in the first season we need to have some endearment first. Following this show as episodes reminded me why I usually hate following currently airing stuff cus ppl always assume stuff way too soon. I understand some ppl can have skepticism but, I do think ppl should at least try to trust the writers know what they are doing. The creator been working on this concept for god knows how long.

Besides I’ll always in favorite of a more openly emotionally softer male character in animation that the rest of the cast doesn’t mock specifically for seeming so “sensitive”. Especially in adult animation. I love how the cast realized this is just how Pentious is and don’t mind it. It helps emphasize the arc that Pentious just really needed someone who accepted him for who he was deep down. He able to open up and feel comfortable as himself. Idk I like that it’s a way more interesting direction to take.

Sorry btw for how ranty this is I’m a picky guy and as you can probably tell I’m pretty passionate about this specific character but, also the show as a whole. I try to keep in mind what the actual show is trying to accomplish when it comes to this and it’s so so sooo important to remember what the source material is like. Along with the creator. There are times when the creator insight ends up with a bad end result however I don’t see that here. At least in terms of season 1.

Idk if ppl really get this but, thought I’d throw it out there cus you guys seem to like when I ramble about this man so yeah while trying to figure out my Cherri Bomb theory post out um have unfiltered Pentious thoughts. Cus I never really went into detail why I like him in the actual show anyways. Cus my problems with uwuifed Pentious is more a community thing. Even at that it’s not as bad just sometimes annoying.

Guys I’m a Tobias Wilson fan, trust me I’ve seen far worse fandom butchering of a sad lil guy. Besides Pentious is definitely cute that issue more me being bothered ppl pretend the canon Pentious is exclusively a gag character who is soft and cute. Pentious is probably one of the most misinterpreted character along with Alastor.