#it is bittersweet

[probs-something]

I'm bad at staying in contact with people. I get worse when friends start having kids and start doing more child-focused stuff.

But I'd still drop everything for them in a heartbeat. And I'd protect their kids with my life.

That's all I can really offer since I'm bad at staying in contact.

I can only offer my undying loyalty.

[morlemia]

So like, I know a lot of people are sad that Ben died at the end of TROS and while I’m actually okay with the choice and see it as rather poetic and incredibly beautiful, I can’t help my musings on the subject, so I thought I’d share this little thought process I had in case it might help someone who was not so okay with the choice;

We saw a lot of interesting things about force ghosts in this movie, right? Luke physically catches the lightsaber, and then he moves the X-wing. And in TLJ, Yoda conjures up lightening to strike the tree with the sacred texts. In ROTJ, we see Obi-Wan sitting on logs, touching branches, and so forth. My point? Force ghosts can interact with the world. They can hold things.

Okay, now my second point; from my research on dyads, they’re described as being two separate bodies with the same force signature. So like, in the human world we see them as two separate beings but the force sees them as one. Which leads me to this conclusion...

I don’t really think Ben dying changed anything in Ben and Rey’s relationship. If force ghosts can touch people, they can still interact with each other, and if Ben and Rey are the same force energy, as a force ghost wouldn’t he just be around her, like, all the freaking time? 

I can just imagine it now.

Some random resistance fighter: Hey, Rey, who’re you talking to in this empty room???

Rey: Oh, just my force husband. Don’t mind us.

[supernovasilence]

Ok we all talk about the Pevensies' trauma at returning to Earth at the end of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and their trouble readjusting to life there again but think of all the funny/good parts too

They return from the country, and their mom is surprised when all her children hug her at the station. Even Peter, who thinks he's all grown up. Even Edmund, who went away surly and withdrawn. She doesn't know her children haven't seen her in over a decade.

They miss their dear Cair Paravel, but they absolutely do not miss its chamber pots. Indoor plumbing is amazing.

It takes a while to remember how modern technology works, though. How many heart attacks did the siblings give their parents or the professor because they walked into a dark room only to turn on the light and find the children sitting there in the dark. (They were by the window! There was still plenty of light from the sunset! They would have gotten a candle in a minute!) The kids sheepishly remember oh yeah electricity is a thing.

(Edmund has a new electric torch in Prince Caspian. He was so excited to get that torch. Almost more excited than you'd think a kid his age would be, and his parents expect Peter at least to tease him, but the siblings all agree light in your hand at the touch of a switch is terrific.)

Suddenly getting really high grades in some subjects and terrible in others. Their grammar, reading comprehension, spelling, vocab, even penmanship? Amazing. History and geography? They don't remember anything. One time in class Susan forgets Earth is round and wants to die.

Also they can never remember what the date is supposed to be because Narnia uses different months and years. They can estimate time really well by looking at the sun though, and Edmund at least can always tell which way is north etc without thinking about it (again, using the sun)

Okay but how many times did they go to pick something up or reach something and realize they are so much shorter and less muscled than they expect? It's a common sight to see Peter climbing on counters to reach a top cabinet, grumbling about how he's High King this is demeaning. (No he never takes the extra five seconds to grab a stool. He will climb that shelf.)

Peter and Susan being delighted because they are no longer almost thirty. (In a few years Edmund and Lucy will tease them about being old and their parents will not understand.)

Lucy doesn't have to deal with periods anymore for a few years yet. Susan might not either. Heck yeah

Lucy loves to climb into her siblings' laps and be cuddled. In Narnia she eventually she grew too big, but now she is small and snuggleable again. Peter is her favorite, and if she's upset, he'll tickle her and tell bad jokes until she's smiling again, but really she loves cuddling with all her family. She grew up without her parents; how many times did she just want to crawl into her mom's lap and her mom was a world away? Imagine the first time she realizes she can now. Or, imagine one day, a cold and grey sort of day, when the rain is pattering against the windows, and it sounds like the rain on the windows of the Professor's house, that first day they went exploring. It sounds like the day they played hide and seek. It sounds so like the rain on the windows of Cair Paravel, that if Lucy closes her eyes she can imagine she's back there, having tea and chatting with Mr. Tumnus before the fireplace of her room, and soon the rain will stop, and they will go out on the balcony and wave to the naiads and the dryads and the mermaids, who have come out to enjoy the rain and visit one other on the banks of the Great River winding past Cair Paravel down to the sea.

But if Lucy looks out the window, all she'll see is the rain over London, so it's not only a cold and grey sort of day, it's a lonely sort of day too.

Susan and Edmund are playing chess in the living room (and they must have studied with Professor Kirke, thinks their mother, because they certainly weren't that good when they left). Lucy goes over to Edmund, and oh dear, thinks their mother, now he's going to call her a baby and be horrible to her, but instead he picks her up and puts her on his lap without even taking his eyes off the chessboard; it's simply a matter of course.

"Doesn't the rain sound familiar?" says Lucy in a solemn, wistful way.

Their mother doesn't know what that means, but her siblings must, because Susan says, "Yes, Lu, it does,” and Edmund gives her a little hug with his free arm as she tucks herself under his chin to watch the chess match.

(Five minutes later there is a crash from the next room as Peter falls off a counter. Their mother does not understand the words he must have picked up from the Professor, but he's grounded for them anyway. His siblings have no respect for their High King, because they refuse to stop laughing.)

[allo-frouto]

does it turn you on that so many guys fantasize about you

Not necessarily but it doesn't make me feel bad either.

[astrolavas]

we can finally post our Hexes and O’s zine pieces from a while back, so! the sillies...

+ a bonus doodle for the zine:

[malama-art]

the original trio ☆

[dizzybizz]

back together but at what cost...

[strangersteddierthings]

"Look, Steve, I don't have any bad feelings towards you," Eddie says, has been saying, talking nonsense, like he and Steve weren't anything more than fuckbuddies, like he isn't breaking Steve's heart. "I used you too, y'know?"

It's then Steve rears back like he been slapped. Or punched. It feels more like a gutting. Joke's on him, he supposes. Once again, he wants more than the other person. He wanted a boyfriend, Eddie'd wanted sex. Why does he keep trying? When Steve finds his voice to speak, it comes out flat and dead and not really like a question at all. "Used me. Like you think I've used you?"

Eddie shrugs, looking for all the world like he's not bothered by that statement. "We had fun, right? So it's all fine in the end."

"Fine," Steve repeats, hollow. They're in his house but Steve feels the need to leave, to run before the reality of how unlovable he truly is sticks inside him forever.

"But I think we should stop while we're ahead," Eddie continues and Steve wonders if Eddie is listening to him at all, or just saying his piece before he goes. Can he not hear Steve's heart breaking? "I want to... I want to find someone to love."

If Eddie's previous words felt like being gutted, these ones feel like cement. Heavy and solidifying. Trapping in the truth of Ever Unlovable Steve. He doesn't even feel heartbroken anymore. Just numb. Dead inside. He should say something encouraging. Let Eddie know that all he's wanted was for Eddie to be happy and loved. But words seem impossible, so he gives one jerky nod of his head. An understanding.

"Right," Eddie says, returning the nod before turning away, towards the door, "I'll just go now. Umm, see ya later, Harrington."

Facing the horrors of the Upside Down should feel like the scariest thing he's ever done but it doesn't. Watching Eddie walk away does. Steve should be able to hold it together long enough for Eddie to leave. He's the tough one. He can hold himself together no problem-

"Why can't you love me?"

Eddie whips back around, an expression on his face like confusion and anger mixed.

It's only then that Steve realizes he spoke. He hasn't meant to. He was going to let Eddie walk away but now his voice has been freed from the cement. His heart has shut down his brain it seems because he just keeps talking, voice flat and hollow, "why can't you love me the way I love you? What is so broken and wrong within me that no one loves me back? My parents, Nancy, now you. Why can't- I thought that we were- where did I go wrong?"

"What?" Eddie asks, and the anger is gone from his face but now he just looks horrified. Which is understandable. It's horrifying to be loved by Steve Harrington. "What did you think we were?"

Boyfriends. Together. Going steady. At the very least, dating without labels. But none of those very reasonable, normal answers come out of Steve's treacherous mouth. Because Steve can't seem to be a reasonable, normal person. He's got to be too much, too soon, too clingy. So, instead, he says, "In love."

Eddie looks like he's just received the worst news of his life. In fact, he looks a little sick. "Oh fuck. Jesus Christ. I can't- I thought- Fuck!"

Steve just nods along. He hadn't actually said I love you to Nancy that night at Tina's Halloween party, but he imagines if he had, the beginning of the bullshit conversation would have sounded much the same as Eddie does now; like anger and regret, the starts and stops. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have- if you want to go, you should go."

Eddie crosses the room back to Steve in half the steps he took when he first walked away, hands reaching to grab Steve's face between them. He speaks quickly and sounds panicked now. "No, no no no. I fucked up, misunderstood. I don't know how I got it so wrong. I don't want to go. I never did."

"What?"

"I am in love with you, sweetheart. I just- I didn't know you loved me back. I thought you didn't- that we weren't..."

"I thought we were boyfriends."

"Jesus, please let me fix this. Let me stay and make it up to you. I'll be the best fucking boyfriend you've ever had."

Steve thinks if he had any shred of self-worth he might step back, make Eddie explain himself, but as it is, he steps into Eddie's space and kisses him, hands pulling him as close as he can get. He doesn't want to think about the cruel things Eddie's said, about using each other. Maybe one day they'll have to hash that out, have that conversation, but Eddie says he loves him too, and that's all Steve's wanted.

[dappermouth]

Fleeting dream, vanishing.

[zipsunz]

universally loved 💐

here's a version with all of the senders labelled!

[nemkero]

where we go, after the war

[mellowmaidenhairs]

✸༄ ⋆｡˚ ◌ ⋆

happy 10 years welcome to nightvale !!!!!

[citricacidprince]

Can I give another massive sorry to the Owl House crew and Dana here?

Looking at the first 6 minutes of season three and I can tell they wanted to make a whole episode of Hunter discovering that book and cutting his hair. They wanted to have an episode of Luz finding out a way to come out to her mom about being bi and dating Amity. They wanted to have an episode of Vee finally figuring out how they want to look like since the can't look like Luz anymore. They wanted to have an episode of the witch kids making up human disguises and seeing what the human world has to offer. They wanted to have an episode that shows the kids working on the door and failing time and time again to get it to work. They wanted to have an episode where all the kids, yes even Luz, struggling to adapt being in the human world. They wanted to have an episode of the witch kids discovering human things for the first time, like rain, and falling in love with Luz's world.

They wanted to, but they couldn't.

Disney said the show didn't "fit their brand" and now all these moments we would've had episodes for are forced to be in a 2-3 minute long montage. And while I'm happy we get to see these moments at all, a part of me is very bitter knowing what Disney did to Dana and her crew.

I hope they know that I appreciate all that they could do with what limited time they had.

I hope they know I want to kill Disney with my bare hands knowing how they cut this amazing shows lifetime short.

Edit: In honor of some of the comments I've been getting I made this

[cndarts]

angst!! :D

from that time a read a bunch of fics of wolfstar rising harry and sirius getting out of azkaban sooner

[shrimperini]

he just wants to see him happy 😔

[metamorphesque]

—  Anne Carson, Eros the Bittersweet: An Essay

[text ID: When I desire you a part of me is gone.]