#it is 4:48 am and this is sitting in my brain

[phantom-of-the-501st]

There's a trope that I see turning up a lot with the way people write Echo that I actually really enjoy reading and I hadn't quite clocked how much I like reading it until now

And that's Echo saying absolutely unhinged, out of pocket shit when he's angry. And I don't mean "oh that was a bit of a low blow", I mean *record scratch* *everyone freezes* "wtf was that?!" crossing about 50 different lines kind of harsh. The idea that this man reaches a breaking point and then snaps is just 🤌

And it's not because I think Echo being asshole is a good thing or that anyone deserves the out of pocket comments, but there's something about that trope that seems to hit a certain vibe that just makes sense to me. Maybe it's because I'm a lover of angst but I actually love this trope, especially if you throw Crosshair into the mix because I feel like an argument between them when they're both at their absolute peak would be rough.

But of course I also love reading the fallout and aftermath of the whole thing because who am I if not someone who likes seeing characters face the consequences of their own actions? 🫡

[oddinary4bts]

The Forgotten Spaces | ch 9 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: ending of that lil bit of miscommunication in ch 8, a very heartfelt conversation, probably some curses

☆word count: 7k

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: Finallyyyyy, the angst is ending my friends. I hope you'll enjoy it <3 and also thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Tuesday, September 25th

                You wake up slowly at first. Like a feather, softly falling, unbothered by the weight of the universe. It’s calm, like a forest in the winter when it’s snowing. It’s peace personified, like the world never held any wars or pain.

Then you wake all at once, like you’re struck by lightning, energized by it, electricity coursing through your blood. You feel his presence before you see him, and you think you’d be mad at him for lying next to you.

But when your eyelids flutter open to the sight of his purple room, all that fills you is peace again.

It grows tenfold when you turn and see him lying next to you, on his belly, hand reaching towards you. His mouth is slightly open, and he’s lying on top of the covers.

Which means he never meant to fall asleep next to you.

You haven’t realized how long his hair has grown before. Because right now it’s falling in front of his eyes, and you want to brush it behind his ear. It’s a visceral need, and the peace grows once more.

It grows and grows, and you reach and push his hair back, softly. Fingertips grazing his cheek, staying there as if they’ve found a home. He closes his mouth in his sleep and sighs, but he doesn’t wake up. He returns to his soft snoring a second later, and you just run your fingers along his cheekbone, tracing the planes of his face ever so softly.

But tomorrow has come, or is coming soon. And the peace grows again, until it bursts.

Until it bursts and aches, choking you up. Your hand rests heavier on his cheek as tears blur your vision, and the explosion of peace crushes your heart, until a sob finds its way up.

You choke on the sob, and quickly sit to move away from Jungkook. In this moment, all you can think is that he’s hers. Your brain produces the words like a litany in your mind, and you think it’s making you crazy.

You were crazy to come here in the first place. To think you deserved a spot at Jungkook’s side.

You grab your phone, and see that it’s the middle of the night. You don’t care one bit, and you call Jisung. Not Jiho, because Jiho doesn’t know how to drive, and she also has a midterm tomorrow morning.

Jisung doesn’t pick up, and you choke on another sob as you call again. This time, the call goes on voicemail quicker than it’s supposed to, and you receive a text a second later.

[4:46 am] Sungie: you better have a good reason for waking me up in the middle of the night🙄 [4:46 am] Sungie: what’s up? [4:47 am] You: can u come pick me up? [4:47 am] Sungie: what’s wrong [4:48 am] You: it’s complicated. mom kicked me out, and i’m at jk’s place [4:48 am] Sungie: wtf? [4:48 am] Sungie: i don’t wanna go outside😭 and i’ll kill your mom, but what’s new. [4:49 am] Sungie: omw

You sigh a breath of relief, but it breaks on your lips and you cry out, as the tears and the pain win once again, as they’ve been winning all evening.

You get up, you take a few steps, you stumble on something and catch yourself on the wall. You feel like you’re going to be sick, you’re tired, exhausted, and you wish for your bed.

But you don’t have a home anymore, do you?

Jungkook says your name. He says your name like you’re a prayer, and you break some more, refusing to even turn to look at him. You just stumble to your bags, pick them up and try to reach for the door.

Jungkook stops you with a gentle hand on your wrist.

He repeats your name, and you refuse to look at him. This time, when he tries to pull you in, you resist. You don’t want him to touch you, you don’t want him to hold you when you know it’s all just a lie. When you know tomorrow will come and he’ll be gone.

He’s forgotten you. He’s forgotten you too, he’s forgotten the pain he brings. And you think, if the world was ending, would he stand on the threshold of your memories together with you? Because you think you got lost in the memories, you forgot memories come and go.

“Let me go,” you beg, weakly, because you’re weak. Like you’ve been sick, and you think you might be. Maybe your broken heart festered inside of you, releasing toxins into your bloodstream until it rendered you sick.

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” he says in an equally weak voice, but he does let go of you.

You scoff, and you don’t say anything before turning the doorknob and opening the door.

“I’m sorry that I fell asleep next to you,” Jungkook says, and he sounds like he’s panicking. Like he doesn’t want you to slip through his fingers. But the tighter he holds you, the more you slip. You’re like sand: immortal in the way you’ll always slip through his fingers, like he’ll always slip through yours.

“It’s not that.” You drop one of the bags, because your wrist hurts almost equally as your heart. “Jungkook, you have a girlfriend, we shouldn’t be together.”

You eye your bag, deciding that it’s not worth trying to pick it up. You’ll ask Jo to bring it to you wherever you’ll find a home for the next few days. You’re walking away, striding away, running away.

You’re fleeing like he fled that night he told you about her. Part of you wishes you could rush to your mother’s side, could show her your broken heart and beg her for the love she is supposed to give you. Unfortunately, her maternal affection ran low far too long ago.

But Jisung is coming. That’s all that matters.

You’re at the top of the stairs when Jungkook speaks next. “I broke up with Laura.”

You still. As much as you were breaking a second ago, your heart just stops shattering. Just stops existing altogether for a moment.

“What?”

“I broke up with her Sunday morning.”

You turn to look at him. He’s barely visible in the purple light that escapes his room, and you can’t see his features. But you feel the weight of his gaze on you.

“What?”

“I’m not with her anymore. I wanted to talk to you about it tomorrow only, because I found you already vulnerable earlier.” He pauses. “That’s why I went to the studio in the first place.”

“Jungkook…”

You wonder if he’s breaking in time with you. You wonder if he too was vulnerable tonight, and if that’s the reason why he’s cried so much.

Did he care for her enough to ache from your presence?

“I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you by telling you while you were vulnerable.”

You understand why he chose to do it that way. But you still hate him for it.

“You’re an idiot.”

“I know.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, Jeon Jungkook.”

You think he might be smiling. He does sound like he’s smiling when he speaks next. “Can I hug you?”

“I hate you.”

He laughs, and it breaks, and you only then realize that he wasn’t smiling. He’s crying, and he wipes a hand on his face.

“Don’t…” you trail off, and then you both startle as Jin appears in the doorframe to his room.

“Can you guys please shut the fuck up, it’s the middle of the night.”

You snort. It sounds like a pig, or maybe a hog or a boar. You actually have no idea what it sounds like, just that it’s hysteric, as is the laughter that erupts from you and Jungkook quite at the same time.

Jin just watches the both of you as if you’re crazy, and you are. You’ve suffered so much you’ve gone crazy, and you don’t even care.

You laugh longer than Jungkook, shedding tears that you dry mindlessly with your thumb. Tears heavy with emotions, different emotions than the ones that you’ve been feeling for weeks.

Indeed, hope has cracked some part of the pain, like a sunrise that shines through a veil of thick clouds, sunrays stubbornly refusing to be stopped by the bleariness.

You laugh for all the breaking that you did, and it’s no wonder Jungkook eventually moves to grab your hand and pull you back into his room. Only then do you stop laughing, and you say, “Jisung is coming to pick me up.”

That showers the both of you until you’ve calmed down, enough to be able to glance at Jin that’s still watching with the most disgusted expression on his features. When the two of you find him on his doorstep, Jin figures it’s better to dip, and he goes in, shutting the door softly behind him.

You think you see him winking at Jungkook before he disappears from view.

“Okay,” Jungkook lets out. “That’s okay, let me grab your bag.”

“You’re not angry?”

He shakes his head no in the faint light of the hallway, glancing at you as he grabs the bag you left near his door. “No. I understand that you need some space. And we’ll talk tomorrow, right?”

You nod. You nod because you’re done breaking. “I’ll call you first thing in the morning.” And then you feel infinitely stupid, because he’s blocked your number months ago.

Jungkook has probably thought about the same thing, because as he’s walking back towards you, he says, “I’m sorry I blocked you.”

You raise your hand, the one whose wrist is in a brace. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Just unblock me.”

“I…” he trails off. “I don’t know how to.”

You shut your eyes. “You’re annoying.”

“I’ll figure it out”, he promises. “I’ll figure it out and I’ll be the one calling you.”

You nod, and you look at him. “I… might be angry at you.”

“I deserve it.” He grabs the bag you’re holding, and then motions to the stairs. “You can punch me if you want, but we should go downstairs before Jin kills me.”

“Please do!”

You both laugh once again, and you think you hear a feminine voice scolding Jin.

You follow Jungkook downstairs, shining light with your phone so you don’t fall. Jungkook leads you right to the hall, and he puts your bags down by the door. He then leans down to massage his knee, and you wonder if pain has licked its fingers up his thigh the way it’s been licking its fingers up your arm.

But not in your heart. Your heart is done aching.

You glance outside, and you see that Jisung is already there. He must have been at Felix’s place. Jungkook notices too as he stretches, and you think you see disappointment on his features.

“Do you want me to carry the bags to the car?” he asks, gently.

You reach out between you, hand moving up until it’s cupped his cheek. He looks startled, eyes going round and looking between your two pupils a couple of times.

“I’m sorry I woke you up”, you say as you let your hand fall, because you have no idea why you did that in the first place.

“No, don’t be,” he reassures you. “I’m glad I woke up and could reassure you. I don’t like misunderstandings.”

You think he’s a little full of shit for saying so, because you wouldn’t have been in this position if he listened to you in July. But you refrain from telling him, because you’re going to talk to him tomorrow, and tomorrow only. When you’ll both be ready.

Tonight, you’re still going to cling to the fact that he cares.

He cares, and he hasn’t forgotten about you, or about the July night sky. No, he too still can see the stars that night.

And suddenly, you don’t fear tomorrow anymore.

*****

                Felix’s apartment is cozy in the morning light. But the absence of curtains in the living room windows has made it hard to sleep. You’re lucky you don’t have a class today. You usually do, a three-hour long class at 8 am, but the professor gave you a week off before the midterm next week. He’s still available for office hours, but you’ve had him before in another class. You know he’s not a strict grader. So you’re not going to make it to office hours, and you’ll try to catch up on more sleep before Felix and Jisung wake up.

It’s hard to fall back asleep though. Indeed, your thoughts have been clouded with Jungkook. With the anxiety that you can finally talk to him now, that he’s not hers, but that you don’t even know if you have something to tell him.

He was soft yesterday. Willing to help, wearing his heart on his sleeve the way you reckon he did it that July weekend. It reminds you that Jungkook has a heart of gold. It took you years before you saw it, but now it’s blinding you.

Jungkook would go to the ends of the Earth to help the people he cares about. And he cares about you. You, with the flaws that make the mosaic of you. You, who’s never been able to love, and now you think maybe you’ve loved all along.

Because what was that hate for him, if not misguided love? Immature feelings, maybe. Though you wouldn’t call it love. You wouldn’t dare say you love Jungkook. But you do feel for him. You feel for him the way you feel for the early morning. It’s filled with possibilities, with calm and serene moments. It doesn’t ask for anything but offers all. And maybe that’s how you’ve been feeling for him all along.

You sigh, turning so your back is to the window, trying to block out the rising sun so you can sleep some more. It does nothing to how your heart’s been acting up, but you still force yourself to lie in silence, to enjoy the feeling of infinity today carries.

You’ve dozed off a little by the time movement is heard in the apartment, and your eyes flutter open to look at the ceiling, as you’ve turned on your back. You yawn, stretching a little, before glancing to the side.

You let out a high-pitched squeal at the sight of the shirtless man that’s standing there, and he startles just as much as you, letting out a sound that rivals with the one you just made.

He’s not Felix, and he’s not Jisung. In reality, you have no idea who he is. You didn’t even know Felix has a roommate.

“Who are you?” the guy asks, and the first thing you notice is his accent.

“Jisung’s friend,” you reply as you sit up.

The man seems to realize he’s half naked, and he folds his arms on his chest. It makes his biceps pop out, and you reckon he’s quite the sight to see so early in the morning.

You have the decency to blush at the thought, and you look down at the floor.

“He and Felix offered to let me sleep here,” you add, worrying at your bottom lip. “I’m not going to stay.”

The guy shrugs. “Hey, it’s okay. Just was startled.” He laughs a little, before glancing in the direction of what you assume is the kitchen. “Do you want some coffee?”

“Uh,” you let out. “Yeah, sure.”

Turns out the guy is called Chris. The accent you’ve heard at first is the unmistakable Australian accent, and he informs you that he’s moved here with Felix for college. You end up eating breakfast along with him, because he’s decided to make protein pancakes. You’re surprised at how good they are, and you’re idly chatting at the kitchen table when Jisung enters.

He looks between you and Chris once, before saying, “You’ve got explanations about how you ended up at Jungkook’s place last night.”

He’s got a firm authoritative tone to his voice, and you recognize him for the older brother he is to you. You let out a shy laugh, before shrugging your shoulders.

“I already told you mom kicked me out.”

Chris’s eyes go wide as saucers as he looks at you, before his gaze dips down to his pancakes and he focuses on eating them.

“Yes, but Jungkook?”

Felix appears behind Jisung, brushing sleep out of his eyes. “Leave her alone, Han.”

Jisung glares at his boyfriend, before shrugging his shoulders. “I just think it’s weird because he’s got a girlfriend.”

“They broke up”, you say in a defensive tone.

Because it’s Jungkook you’re talking about, and you’d always defend him.

Jisung looks so surprised you almost start laughing. And it’s weird that you’re in a laughing mood – you were kicked out yesterday for God’s sake. But at the same time, it feels like you’ve reached the limit of your breaking, and the morning holds the possibility of healing.

The morning, and Jungkook, you reckon. Because you know healing starts with Jungkook. Healing starts with figuring out where it all went wrong, it starts with the conversation you’re supposed to have later.

Some place you also can study, hopefully, because you’ve got a midterm on Thursday.

“You’re fucking shitting me,” Jisung lets out as Felix starts pouring coffee for himself.

You shrug, feeling shy as everyone’s gaze moves to you. “They broke up on Sunday.”

“And you were over yesterday? Boy’s not wasting time.”

You furrow your brows. “It’s actually a coincidence that I ended up at his place. And Jiji’s fault.”

“Jiji? She hates his guts,” Jisung points out, still not fully believing you.

“She told him to go to the studio, he found me crying about getting kicked out and he offered me to spend the night before I figure out what to do.”

“That’s fair enough”, Felix says, interrupting Jisung who clearly was about to say something vile about Jungkook.

Jisung frowns, but he sighs and lets the expression go. He fully walks into the kitchen, helping himself to some of the pancakes Chris made. “He hurts you again I’ll fucking punch him.”

“Sungie,” you whine. “You’re the one that wanted me to tell him how I felt.”

“That was ages ago,” he reminds you. “I also told you to move on.”

“We’re going to talk today,” you admit.

There’s a heavy silence that follows your words. Jisung looks at you like you’re stupid, Chris seems like he wants to disappear, and Felix scrolls away on his phone as if he hasn’t heard.

“You ask me to come pick you up from his place in the middle of the night and then you say you’ll talk today?” Jisung eventually says, voice low.

It makes you feel stupid, and it makes you realize that maybe, maybe talking to Jungkook will lead nowhere.

Maybe you’re just going to offer each other closure before you truly move on. But you think you still deserve the closure, you still deserve the moving on. No matter how you might feel for Jungkook, some things truly are just not meant to be.

And this morning you think maybe that’s okay.

“I didn’t know yet that they were broken up,” you admit. “He didn’t want to drop it on me while I was crying because of my mother.”

“Valid,” Felix lets out, offering you salvation from Jisung’s wrath.

“Please,” Jisung scoffs. He seems to realize Jungkook might have actually done it right, because he adds, “Whatever. As I said, if he hurts you, he’s dead.” He’s frowning again, shaking his head. “And I can’t fucking believe your mother. My parents will give you a room at home if you want.”

The pain comes back now, but it’s different. Dull, as if Jungkook took its edges and softened them last night.

“Thank you.” You sigh, looking down at your plate, and you know you won’t be able to finish eating. “I’m going to get an apartment.”

It changes the subject to apartment hunting, and Jisung does his best to not appear too pissed whenever you mention that Jungkook will be helping you. Because even if all you give each other today is closure, you know Jungkook will still help.

You think you might know him better than you know yourself after all.

You follow Felix out when he says he needs to leave for college. You reckon sharing a Lyft might be a good idea, because you’re still on the other side of town. Felix agrees, though he admits he usually takes public transport to go to college. You shrug your shoulders, saying you’ll pay, and it’s halfway to your college that you realize something.

You realize you need to stop spending and to start saving money, if you want to be able to afford an apartment. And it makes you feel strange inside, like you might still have more that can break.

You cling to the feeling this morning holds. But some part of you is growing weary, dreary, because you get to college before Jungkook texts, and he told you he’d text you first thing in the morning. You don’t know his schedule though. You can’t assume his morning starts at the same time as yours do, so you try to stay calm and not let panic rise in you.

Felix walks with you on campus, until you part ways because he has to get to class. You decide you’re going to squat in the library, with your damn duffel bag and school bag you’ve been carrying around since yesterday. You find a spot in a corner, and you get busy studying, figuring it’s a better way to pass the time instead of looking at your phone expecting Jungkook to call you, to give you a sign of life.

You like studying. As much as law is a hard subject, it makes you feel connected to your father, somehow, and you like it. You like the highlighters and the lo-fi medieval beats and the books filled with laws and ethics and everything in between. You like being in a library, looking like you’ve got your shit together. You think that, to outside eyes, you probably look like you do. You can invent a life to yourself here, one where you haven’t been kicked out. One where you’re the pride of your family, and where you go skiing in the Alps once a year, taking pictures that you hang over the fireplace.

Not that you’re a big skier, and not that you’d go to the Alps anyway. You’d rather backpack around the world, discovering cultures unheard of before.

But sometimes, you do wish your family would have worked. You do wish your father never left, your mother never cheated. And sometimes, you do wonder who’s your biological dad.

Not that it’s important, and not that you will know one day. Your mother says she doesn’t even remember his name, and he was just a back-up dancer in a foreign country. Not someone that you’d ever have a chance of running into.

You sigh, turning the page of the book you’ve been reading. It’s about international law, your favourite subject, and your hardest class this semester. Professor Wickham is a bitch, and she loves failing people. Loves the look of pure distress people throw at her during exams, because she insists on being there while her students take her exams.

She’s a bitch, but she’s also renowned in the field, and you’ve been trying to make a good impression on her forever. Even though she refused you last semester when you tried getting an internship with her. Even though your summer internship still ended being great.

You run a hand through your hair, and you reach towards the reusable water bottle you always carry with you. Your hand stops halfway when your phone lights up next to you, and you grab it, heart beating wildly in your chest.

To your dismay, it isn’t Jungkook, but Jimin texting you.

[10:17 am] park.jm: jk wants me to tell you he’s an idiot [10:17 am] park.jm: he’s not able to unblock u. But he wants to know where u are🫥

You can’t hold in the smile that decides to grow on your lips.

[10:17 am] You: my college’s library. he can unblock me on insta and dm here..🙄

This time, you laugh a little when you see the next message you’ve received.

[10:18 am] jkonthebeat: i’m fkg dumb [10:18 am] jkonthebeat: is there a cafe near ur library? [10:19 am] jkonthebeat: haven’t eaten yet and figured it’d be great to talk over a cup of coffee? [10:19 am] jkonthebeat: if u still wanna talk [10:19 am] jkonthebeat: like i’d understand if u’d rather not? plz don’t feel like you have to [10:19 am] You: Jungkook [10:20 am] jkonthebeat: …what? [10:20 am] You: yes i still want to talk. i’ll send u the location of a chill place [10:21 am] jkonthebeat: okay, yeah good. i’ll be there as quickly as i can [10:23 am] You: shared location [10:26 am] jkonthebeat: eta 35 min😌

You can almost imagine Jungkook panicking on his side of the screen, and it makes you laugh a little more. Some guy throws you a look from the table where he’s sitting, and you offer him a wry smile before looking down at your international law book again. You still have a few pages to read in the chapter, so you decide to do that before meeting up with Jungkook.

It’s really hard to focus when you know his starry gaze is waiting for you. You eventually make it through, though it takes you so long you have to jog to the café to make it on time. You’re out of breath when you get there, and maybe a little sweaty, which you reckon might be disgusting. But Jungkook arrives almost right in time with you, hands digging in the pockets of his sweater pants. He looks like he came in his PJs, and you offer him a small smile when his eyes meet yours.

It’s an embrace, the same way the sun embraces the Earth every morning. It feels like you’d feel lying down in the morning sun rays, letting them warm your cold skin from the lightless night. It feels like you’re safe, like you’ve journeyed around the world only to return to the same spot that you’ll always return to.

He’s cataclysmic, he really is. Like he created you that night in July, the same way you know you’ve created him. In truth, you reckon the cataclysm might be you two together. As if the stars wrote the story decades ago, as if the universe knew your fate from its birth.

You expect it to hurt, but it doesn’t. It’s peaceful. You reckon you deserve a little bit of peace.

“Hey,” he greets you, and you wonder if you’re imagining the pink tint on his cheeks.

“Good morning.” You glance over your shoulder, at the door to the café, before meeting his soft gaze once more. “Do you want to go in?”

He nods, laughing a little. “I got to admit I’m starving.”

“Well, let’s get some food for you,” you say, and you turn.

You’re about to open the door when he grabs the duffel bag from you. “Let me carry that.”

“Oh,” you let out. “I don’t mind, I’m getting used to it.”

He just offers you a no-bullshit look that leaves no room for arguing, so you chuckle before opening the door. He follows you inside, and you choose a table in a quiet corner before you go to order something. You settle on an almond croissant while Jungkook gets a coffee and a cinnamon bun, along with a muffin that ‘looks too good to be left there’. You roll your eyes at his comment, but he just offers you a wink.

It’s the wink you once thought was cocky. It’s not cocky at all anymore today, just teasing.

You’re back at the table and halfway through your croissant when Jungkook says, “Thank you for accepting to meet up.”

It makes you anxious, because the time has come. No matter how much you want this conversation to happen, you can’t help but dread it too.

“Of course.”

He worries at his piercing, big doe eyes watching you carefully. You feel as if he’s gazing right at your soul, and maybe he is.

Maybe he’s been gazing at it since the very first day.

“I’m going to start by saying I’m sorry,” he says, with a shy insecure voice you’ve never heard from him before. “Not that it changes anything. I can’t imagine how it must have felt for you all this time.”

Straight to the point. For some reason, you expected him to talk about your mother. But maybe he believes the subject to be over, or he’s been wanting to talk to you for too long about what’s been troubling his heart.

“It…” you start but you don’t know how to say it. You don’t know which adjective to employ, because all of them feel like you’re just trying to guilt him. And though you do want him to feel guilt, you know you don’t have to impose it on him.

He’s doing it to himself already.

“It’s been really hard,” you choose to simply say, because it’s the truth. “The way you did a one-eighty in just a few days? Like…” you trail off because you don’t know where to go, but Jungkook’s listening, waiting for you to continue patiently as he surveys you with those big eyes of his. “Like I felt horrible. The moment I told you we shouldn’t have…”

That’s what you wanted to tell him in July. Strange to think that the words are coming out now.

“I don’t think I believed it. Maybe I wanted to believe it, because it was scary, but I never believed it. And I’m sorry I said that.”

He’s still playing with his piercing, and it takes him a while to digest your words. “I knew, if that can make you feel any better. Not that I think it’ll feel better. But you have to understand that it really hurt me. Like…” It’s his turn to look for words, and you anxiously wait for what’s to follow. “I’m not a perfect person. I try to be, and I’ve tried even harder after the accident. But when you said that, I felt ashamed. Like I’m just someone disgusting. And I focused on it so hard the only thing I could think to do was push you away.”

And he did it. So easily, as if you were nothing but some weed he was taking out from his burgeoning flowers.

It hurts, that same pain you’ve grown accustomed to over the last few months. You want to flee, to disappear, but you know you have to face your feelings. Ignoring them brought you nowhere good, didn’t it?

“Did it help you feel better?” you ask.

A crease appears between his brows, and you wish to reach between you so you can flatten it away. Needless to say, you resist the impulse, and hate yourself for having it in the first place.

“It did?” he admits, though he sounds unsure. “I can’t lie and say I didn’t get scared too. It was terrifying. But I think I knew before you did.”

“What?”

“I think the night after I told you about the accident?” he says like a question, waiting for you to nod before he continues. “It changed something for me. I couldn’t see you the same way that I saw you before.”

You remember the day after he told you. You were angry at him, because he ignored the text you sent him when you woke up. Mostly because you were embarrassed that you acted like you cared, and you reckon you already did too. It feels like a lifetime ago, and for a mere moment you wish you could be back there and tell yourself to stop being blind. It’d save you a heartbreak.

“Oh,” is all you can think to say.

“So then it all culminated when you looked like you regretted so much,” he adds. You think you see him gulp. “Not going to lie, it actually really hurt. And when I hurt, I tend to turn into a very ugly person.” At that he can’t hold your gaze anymore, and he chuckles bitterly as he shakes his head. “Ask Tae.”

“You weren’t an ugly person”, you gently say after he’s stared at his half-eaten cinnamon bun for a while. “I hurt you, and you tried to move on. No?”

He looks at you again then. “Yeah. But I think some part of me wanted to hurt you too. And…” His gaze lines with silver, and his words die on his mouth. It makes you feel like there’s lava in your blood again, and you shiver. “And I did hurt you. I saw you wasting away all those weeks. You looked… so sad. And nobody cared.”

You don’t think it’s true that nobody cared. But you think you understand what he’s trying to say: nobody cared the way that he did, nobody can care the way that he does. Or so you like to tell yourself.

“It wasn’t just you, if that can reassure you,” you admit, eyes falling to his coffee cup as he picks it up. He doesn’t move to drink, just holds it, maybe because he needs to busy his hands. “There was my mom, and then Jiho growing distant, and all that shit. The internship was great, but it was rough too.”

All of it is true, though you know it wouldn’t have felt as gut-wrenching if you didn’t have to watch Jungkook loving someone else coincidentally.

“Thank you for saying so.” He clears his throat, tries a glance your way but decides to let his gaze drop again. He shifts in his chair a little, before saying, “I understand why you didn’t come to dance practice most of the time. And honestly, I didn’t like that you weren’t there. I know it makes me selfish, but I… I wanted to see you? Because…” He gulps, and you watch a tear as it rolls down his cheek. “Because then I could at least know that you were okay?”

You shut your eyes, nodding slowly. “It was just too hard to see you.”

“I know.”

There’s a pause in the conversation, while both of you fight the emotions that are choking you up. You expected you’d get angry at him, but all you’re able to feel is longing, the kind of longing that aches and burns and crushes your heart.

“I was a dick for not listening to you that night after practice,” he says, slowly. You open your eyes to look at him, catching his eyes on you before they flit back to the table. “I knew exactly what you were going to say, and I couldn’t hear it. I think if we had had this conversation then, I would have hated you.”

It’s your turn to gulp. “Why?”

“Because it was too soon. I was still neck deep in the embarrassment, and in the selfishness. But I wish I didn’t have to break your heart for the embarrassment to go away.”

“You think the ending would have been worse if I had told you that night?”

You sound like you don’t believe it. Maybe because for weeks you’ve kept telling yourself that it would have made things better. It’s hard to accept that it could have made things worse.

“Oh, trust me,” he says, scoffing. “I would have been very ugly. Remember all the fights we used to have? They wouldn’t have compared.” He pulls at his piercing, hard, and you think it probably hurts, but he doesn’t look like he cares. “I was ready to hurt you. That’s why I left.”

There’s an untold sentence there, but you hear it nonetheless.

I knew I was already going to hurt you anyway.

And that he sure did. But you find it hard to be angry at him today. You do let a silence linger for a time, only because you feel like cursing and crying at the same time, and you don’t want either to happen.

It passes, with your gaze diverting to the street outside. You watch a woman walking her dog until she’s disappeared from view, and then your eyes move up to the blue sky. It’s strange how sunny it is, when you feel like a tiny storm is brewing between you and Jungkook.

“Were you happy with her?” you ask, eyes still on the world outside.

It takes a while for Jungkook to reply. “I don’t know, honestly. I wasn’t sad by her side, I won’t lie to you, but I don’t think I was happy.” He chuckles sadly. “In all truth, I think I was punishing myself by being with her.”

It makes you look at him again, and this time your gazes connect like long lost lovers hugging after years apart.

“Punishing yourself for what?”

“For all the bad things I told you, all the times I tried to get on your nerves on purpose.” He shrugs. “For the way I purposefully decided to break your heart, and how I tried to ignore the consequences at first.” He speaks with conviction now, like that’s really what he’s been wanting to say all along. “I knew that being with her was hurting me, and I believed I deserved it.”

“But why?”

“Because… I feel like we’re going in circles, so I won’t repeat all that I just said. But because of all of that,” he says, and there’s a ghost of a smile on his lips. “All in all, I just was a fucking idiot.”

You can’t agree more, so you purse your lips and nod once. “That you were.”

He doesn’t even fake offence, just chuckles a little before taking a sip of coffee.

“Do you really want to help me with the apartment?” you ask, thoughtfully, eyes glazing a little as your mind runs miles away from him, to the place of hurt that being homeless at the moment is bringing to you.

“Yes,” he answers softly. “Not even because I want to redeem myself or anything. Like I said yesterday, I do care about you. And I wouldn’t let you go through a situation like this alone.”

You inhale shakily, blinking away the sudden tears. You won’t cry again.

“Okay.”

There’s another silence, only interrupted by the regular café sounds. You only then notice that there’s some music playing, but it’s so low you can barely make-out the song. It sounds like some indie artist you’ve heard once before, but it’s hard to tell.

“Do you think…” he starts, but he doesn’t finish. Instead, he eats a bite of cinnamon bun, as if he’s giving himself time to collect his thoughts. “Do you think we could be friends? Like… I don’t think I deserve your friendship, after everything that’s happened, but I’d forever be thankful if you still gave it to me.”

You don’t even hesitate before you say, “Of course, Jungkook.” You’re choking on tears again. “Of course we’re friends.”             

He’s crying too. “We can put it in the past?”

You bite at your lip to keep a sob in. “It might take some time, but yes, I think we can.”

“Fuck”, he curses, then he adds your name like it’s his favourite line from his favourite poem. He says it softly, carefully. “I am so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

He shakes his head, stubbornly blinking his tears away. “No, but like… this is all my fault. I think I’ve never fucked up so bad in my life.”

“Jungkook…”

“I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”

It sounds like a promise, with forever laced to it. And maybe that’s what you are to him, a forever he can’t bring himself to let go.

It’s what he is to you too. Because, for all that Jisung and your father said, you didn’t want to move on from Jungkook. Some part of you always believed you’d find your way back to him, and today, you know you weren’t wrong.

And you’d go through the pain all over again, for eternity, just to experience this moment with him right now. This new cataclysm, the one that creates instead of destroying. It creates a world between you, and you find yourself excited to explore it. Yes, the scars will stay, but scars make us who we are.

Scars mar Jungkook’s skin, mar your heart and his too. Scars are the reason why your heart started opening up in the first place, and scars are what makes you want to hold on to him today. They brought you to him, brought him to you, and the pain that they carry, like everything in life, doesn’t last.

No winter lasts forever, no night can stop the sun from shining when the morrow comes.

But you’re right. It’ll take a while before you’re able to fully forgive Jungkook. The look in his eyes tells you that he’ll be with you every step of the way. It tells you that he’d die for you, and maybe he already did. Maybe you both died for each other, and that’s what the scars truly tell. A story of a complicated love that destroys and creates.

The story of the cataclysm of you and him. The story of the forgotten spaces where you always met. Because Jungkook meets you, even in the darkest corners of your heart. He doesn’t balk from it, doesn’t fear the worst of you. And you’d meet him in the desert, in the dance your hearts share, the one his body can’t experience anymore, but his soul and yours know by heart.

Maybe he’s been your forgotten space all along, and you his.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

The idiots are finally not idioting too much anymore :') what did we think? Did we like this chapter? Let me know!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist (strike-through means dumblr isn't letting me tag you my bad): (add yourself to my taglist by following this link)

@whoa-jo | @pamzn | @sugaluvmyg | @kelsyx33 | @mafameal | @allisonstonex | @daisies-and-dandelionpuffs | @nadzzzblog | @bloopkook | @synnfulqt | @ggukiepie | @quarter-life-crisis2 | @amylouisecullen | @melodiesforari | @chimchimmarie | @jk-190811 | @notbotheredtho | @jjkluver7 | @chiefdreamercherryblossom

[chaoticbardlady99]

*cracks knuckles* alrighty folks- I’m fucking high

I was sitting here and daydreaming my silly little brain away when I began thinking about the whole Halsin x tav/durge x Astarion thing.

I began thinking about Karlach, Minthara, and Shadowheart’s responses to your character asking for a polyamorous relationship and how they basically say he wouldn’t be happy with that or something along those lines whereas Halsin doesn’t.

At first I was a little annoyed, “like wait, wtf? Halsin???”

And then it occurred to me- Halsin knows how Astarion feels and that’s why he would never make that choice for Astarion. He knows it’s not his place to say what is or is not good for Astarion because he doesn’t know.

I think maybe that’s a part of why Astarion might be more okay with Halsin than the others when it comes to being in a polyamorous relationship? I’m sure Halsin’s overall life experience also helps- I think Astarion’s main concern is losing you to someone else and they would maybe eventually demand monogamy from you in his head. In Astarion’s world- he would never win that battle.

And I am sure they (Halsin and Astarion) have shared stories about their mutual trauma in passing.

I also feel like Halsin saying it’s up to Astarion too is really respectful and I think Astarion would appreciate that. Astarion is able to set boundaries in act 3 as well (for example- the Drow twins pre-Cazador). I don’t think he would say yes if he didn’t feel somewhat confident in your relationship provided it’s not because Astarion isn’t giving you sexual pleasure.

That would probably destroy Astarion and he would then need to worry about losing you and becoming equal to this person.

Now that I veered left from my point- all in all, Halsin is a very good man and I have an immense amount of respect for him. I realize I appreciate his approach far more.

Anyway- that’s my rant. Have a good whatever time of day you are having. (It is 4:48 am here and I have the sleep schedule of a bat for whatever reason)

[beazt]

chronic illness rant bc I’m suffering

had to send my doc a msg directly begging for him to send prescription refills cause every other avenue of requesting refills for my meds that I need has failed for the last 3? weeks and they don’t like me sending messages directly on MyChart to ask for refills but I’m out of 3 meds and one of them is incredibly vital to the point that since ive been without it a couple days, my heart rate jumps to 140 and stays above 120 for hours if I dare do something as bold as walk to the fridge or bathroom, and jumps to 120+ if I dare slowly sit up to take a sip of my water

and ofc that comes with a lot of other symptoms such as my extremities constantly tingling/partially numb when my heart rate is high and my brain feeling like it’s inside a dishwasher and if I do such a horrid task as cough once from swallowing my food wrong, I get incredibly dizzy and weak (if I don’t straight up faint) and any time my heart rate goes over 95ish my head hurts transiently and may develop into a whole migraine and my persistent (but dynamic) hand tremor gets way worse and the list goes on

and one of the other meds I’m out of is my chronic GERD medication so I end up with a lot of that swallowing trouble and sore throat and nausea and heartburn

and the other med I’m out of is the one that helps me sleep so I’m at my body’s mercy when it comes to falling asleep, and even when I am on that med I have periods of 24-48 hours where I can’t fall asleep at all until I suddenly crash

and I’m almost out of my other 2 daily medications

and I go thru this every fucking time I need to request more refills cause the doctors office insists I do it thru the pharmacy but every pharmacy insists on waiting til my meds are due enough to be filled and then they never get the refills from my doc til I request to my doc directly

and I get 90-day fills so depending on how many refills I’m able to be given I go thru this at least once per year and I go through a different flavor of the same bullshit just getting my refills actually filled so the ~4 times I have to deal w the pharmacy always go to shit

and the pharmacy never has my meds in stock so even when I get my refills they’ll notice that when they go to fill it and then order it and I have to wait for my meds to arrive too (usually at least 1-2 days but has taken additional 1-2 weeks before) after I get the prescription/refills renewed

just GIVE ME MY FUCKING MEDS I have no choice but to rely on this system to get my meds so I don’t end up in the ER or dead and the system always fucking fails me

ER visits are inevitable if I go without my meds too long and the ER usually doesn’t do Jack Fucking Shit except send me home after a couple hours and tell me that’s smth my primary care doc will have to handle, even though my primary care doc urges me to go to the ER when it reaches a certain point and I only go as a last resort when im already beyond that point)

[killerandhealerqueen]

twenty questions for fic writers!

Thank you for the tag @sunriseverse! Always love doing these

how many works do you have on ao3?

As of right now, 284. 154 of those are Killer and Healer fics, to the surprise of nobody

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

We are currently at 3,030,755. I tend to write long oneshots and decently long multichapters so I'm not surprised my word count is as high as it is. Again, majority of these words come from Killer and Healer because there is just something about them that makes my brain go brrr

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Most Killer and Healer at this point, but sometimes I'll write an S.C.I. fic and I'm also going to dip my toes into F1 rpf. Currently working on my first fic now

4. top five fics by kudos

I agree with Corset, I'm not a fan of the kudos for my overall (since they're fics I don't care about and since I'm not in those fandoms anymore), so I'm also gonna go with my kudos from 2024 恨君不似江楼月 | Killer and Healer 231 kudos, m, WIP, yuezhi, junchun 药剂师日记 | The Apothecary Diaries 111 kudos, t, 89k, yuezhi Oil and Water 105 kudos, m, 91.5k, eric/ryan Stay the Night By My Side 48 kudos, t, 1096, qiubing Big White Cat Cuddles 47 kudos, gen, 2.7k

5. do you respond to comments?

Always. Always, always, always

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

On the rare as fuck occasion that i've actually writing MCD, my fic Promise to Keep for Chinese Paladin 4. I too am shocked that I wrote MCD because I normally write happy endings, but I was actually okay with how canon ended so...I was fine with the MCD (cried like a bitch while writing it tho)

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of my fics minus Promise to Keep

8. do you get hate on fics?

Oh, I did once...and it turned into a whole post that I made on here because if they had gone just after the fic/me, I would have just deleted it and moved on (while simmering with rage) but no, they went after my readers and insulted them and NO ONE goes after my readers

9. do you write smut?

No I do not. Never have, never will. It squicks me, so I don't. I can read it, can't write it

10. craziest crossover?

Eh...I did a big crossover back in 2020 between s.c.i, history 3: trapped, and guardian. That fic was fun

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yeah, back in 2020 when I was working on my fic The Untamed Moments, someone was copying it word for fucking word over on Wattpad in Spanish. One of my readers at the time noticed it and I shut that shit down real quick. So...word to the wise. Don't steal my fics or I will end you

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I have! My fic So This Is What Love Feels Like was translated to Vietnamese. I was very honored

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

In the past...wouldn't do it again. I like brainstorming fics with people but at the end of the day, I need to be the one writing the fic. And my style is so different from others that you could definitely tell if a fic was co-written

14. all time favorite ship?

Yuezhi. Hands down. But man, Lestappen is getting up there...

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

God permitting, the Killer and Healer rewrite. Same with my Kei x Yaku fic. Problem is, I keep getting distracted by other wips and ideas so I like...haven't gotten around to finishing them. The rewrite I know is going to take me a while, but the Kei x Yaku fic I just gotta sit down and work on/crank out or I'll lose my hyperfixation with it and want to either abandon it or delete it. And I don't want to do either, so I gotta get back into it

16. what are your writing strengths?

Dialogue/making characters still feel in character, no matter the au, if that makes sense. I've been told my dialogue is great

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

TOO MANY GOD DAMN WIPS/WIP IDEAS

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I will only ever use dialogue in another language if I know what I'm writing in another language. Things might also cross over, like "hyung" or "gege" or stuff like that because it just sounds better but other than that, I don't use dialogue in another language unless i'm 100% sure of the meaning

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Dragonball

20. favorite fic you've written?

How dare you...I love all of my fics, even the ones for the fandoms I'm no longer a part of. No, I won't choose. You can't make me

Tagging: @hyperbolicgrinch @theotherwhybietoldmeso @clawbehavior @fourth-quartet and any other writing mutual who wants to give this a go

[macaroni-rascal]

Montreal Worlds 2024 Day 2&3

HOLY WOW! What a couple days that was. This is going to be a wild ramble and bullet point list of things that I can remember and stick out in the onslaught of skating that I've seen in the past 48 hours. It's also 11:30pm, so bear with me.

MEN'S SHORT

Roman clean program? In front of me and God and all of Montreal? Utterly wild, so exciting in the building.

Aleksandr Selevko is such a force, I enjoyed his skate SO much, what a magnetic skater.

JASON BROWN. What a serve, he is so beloved, you could just tell the whole crowd was so behind him and love him so much, it was such a stunning piece of skating.

The announcer's saying Lukas Britschgi instead of Deniss was so hilarious, and he had a lovely skate to boot.

Speaking of Lukas, LOVED him, he's so fun.

YUMAAAAAAAA. That is all.

Shoma Uno made me cry and he needs to pay for emotional damages, he had such a good warm up I was buzzing and kept excitedly hitting my friend's knee whenever he landed another clean jump. QUAD TOE TRIPLE TOE!

Ilia was there.

PAIRS FREE PROGRAM

DEANNA STELLATO THE WOMAN THAT YOU ARE. The fact that she normally has such an intense reaction post good skate, but instead this time she just leaned forward, half crying, going 'oh my god' made me cry too. The roof blew off the fucking place. It was a singular moment in my life. I am just so unbelievably happy for her and all that she has achieved. Max was so good, so steady, so fucking wonderful. I am in awe of this team.

Glad M/K went back to that free program, a shame about her doubling, and wow did she ever take it hard. It's definitely their best program, for the love of God Bruno Marcotte STOP LETTING YOUR FUCKING SISTER CHOREOGRAPH EVERY SINGLE PROGRAM. DON'T ME COME TO OAKVILLE! I'LL DO IT!

So so happy for Hase and Volodin, they had such a lovely skate, a very well deserved medal, they've had such momentum all season.

Moment of silence of Conti and Macii, that was rough.

Pairs in person made me age about 15 years, so if I have grey hair in the coming months, I know who to blame. Holy shit, it's exhilarating but also tense as hell. I loved it!

RHYTHM DANCE

Hannah Lim, you're a fucking star.

Mrazkes are deeply underwhelming, like wow, they skate very small.

Lopareva and Brissaud also skate very very small. I kept looking up at the time thinking the program would be over and it wasn't. Not a fan at all.

Cpom CRUSHED IT and it was so awesome to see.

LAJOIE AND LAGHA MY LOVES! Easily the performance of the night, and not even close. So glad they got here after battling injury, so proud of them.

Gilles and Poirier are slooooooooooow. Very slow. Maybe the slowest of the last two groups. It's glaring. How have they not worked on this? They also skate small.

Guignard and Fabbri had a good lift, and a cringe everything else.

I just watched Evan during their performance and wow does he do not a lot. It's the Madi show and he's barely a supporting actor.

Fear and Gibson were there.

WOMEN'S FREE

KAORI KAORI KAORI KAORI.

Besides her heinous jumps, Isabeau created a moment, and it was lovely to experience.

Big ups to Chaeyon Kim for a solid, if boring and slightly cold, free skate. On this night, a well deserved bronze.

Leona, oh Leona. The whole crowd deflated when she fell. Such a shame.

OKAY SO CUTE MOMENT! So Kimmy Repond's dad was sitting ldown and across from me two rows, he was about 4 feet from me. I didn't know he was her dad at the start, but I knew by the end, because he was SO dad about the whole skate. Then when she skated clean, he jumped up, a man below me went and shook his hand and went "Are you her dad?" and he got tears in his eyes, put his hand on his chest, and went 'She is my daughter." I just about sobbed my brains out. So beautiful. He then didn't clap once for the next Swiss skater, which I do not fault him for, major dad behaviour.

Moment of silence for Amber Glenn.

Josefin Taljegard, I love you.

GENERAL THOUGHTS

The people around me and I all started chatting about 30 minutes into the women's free skate, by the end of it, I would go to war for all of them. Camaraderie between skating fans is very fun.

Still a giant fuck you to the woman who asked me if NikS. raped me when I pointed out to my friend he shouldn't be competing, special place in hell for you, you hot garbage person.

I got very cold during the women's free, got a hot chocolate, it wasn't good, but it saved my life, and for that I thank it.

Accidentally got up late (9:36am for a rendez vous at 10am) for breakfast with my brother, still arrived at 10:01am, I am a superhero.

Still fuck the seats in the venue, they need about 4 inches on all sides to be even remotely comfortable, including 4 more inches of leg room. We are humans, not dead sardines, for the love of GOD.

Kaori's speed and power made me gasp a few times.

I can't remember anything else but I know other things happened, ah well, it's almost midnight, I ordered late night pizza take out like a boss, I'm gonna eat that, unwind, and hopefully sleep more than four hours.

GODSPEED!

[silentwillowwhisperer]

Tattoo AU pt. 5

Hiii! I used a few curse words in this, if that bothers you. It's literally Keith's morning brain being too tired to pretend to have a filter.

Wait. Do they know each other's last names? Whatever it's fine.

Keith's messages are normal text

Lance's messages are bolded

--------------------------------------------

Saturday, May 5th 5:48 AM

Keith! Hi! Guess what? I have your number

5:56 AM

Are you ignoring me?? Gasp! Offence taken

2 missed calls from Unknown Number

6:07 AM

Keiiiith Buddy? My man? I thought we bonded the betrayal stings

Keith checks his phone.

He had just woken up at 10 AM for work like a normal person to find someone spamming him.

He stares at the screen. What are the chances that this is a serial killer trying to get information from him so that they can murder him in his sleep?

Pretty high.

But does his curiosity outweigh his caution? Yep.

Before he seals his fate, though, he texts Shiro.

Saturday, May 5th 10:37 AM

Hey If I die, I want you to know that I like you almost as much as Kosmo Make sure to have my gravestone include a reasonable amount of curse words I'm thinking something like, "This fucker was glad to go, the world can go to shit. Also, strawberries are superior. Later, bitches."

He ignores Shiro's frantic responses, and goes back to the unknown number's contact.

Saturday, May 5th 10:43 AM

Hi. If you're trying to kill me, please make it cool. I'd hate be they guy to die from food poisoning or some crap like that could you make it some kind of murder mystery? I've always wanted to be the subject of one of those

10:45 AM

Ummm What? Dude It's me. Lance. Why would you want to get murdered?? I just wanted to invite you to a picnic Me Hunk, and Pidge are going You know, the others from the day we met?

10:51 AM

Dammit Can you send me the address?

Keith drives into the parking lot of a picturesque park. It's well hidden from the road, so there's almost no one else there.

He pulls of his helmet and spend a minute smoothing down his hair. His dark locks are already an unruly mess, but the helmet makes it 10 times worse.

The second he looks up, he sees Lance waving wildly at him from across the lot. The guy jogs over with a grin.

"Hey! You're here! For a second I though you were just pretending to agree just to shut me up! You really aren't horrible, Kogane."

Keith doesn't tell Lance that he had been planning on doing exactly that.

The picnic blanket is red and checkered, as it should be. It is set up under a huge tree next to a lake. Keith can see Hunk and Pidge playing frisbee about 10 feet away from it, probably so that they don't accidentally hit the food.

He and Lance sit with their backs to the tree for at least 30 minutes.

It should be awkward, but it isn't. The wind blows through their hair and several birds fly past them. Neither of them says a word, but they can both fell the comfortable silence humming between them.

They'd never admit it, but they both fell the pang in their chests when Hunk jogs over for lunch.

The three of them are easily 5 times as talkative as Keith, but he doesn't mind. It's kind of nice to watch them converse as he eats his lunch.

No, he's not creepy, leave him alone.

Sometimes they'll ask him a question or send him a grin. They seem to catch on pretty fast that Keith isn't feeling left out, he's just quiet. He appreciates that, it always annoys him when people try to force him into a conversation.

They do learn a few things about him, like how he dropped out of high school at age 16, and then proceeded to attend art school for 4 years to get his degree.

After they finish, they run aimlessly around the park for a while. Sometimes they chase each other, and sometimes they just run side by side, but there are absolutely no rules.

Keith finds himself enjoying it. As much as he loves Shiro, he can be so uptight sometimes. The same goes for Allura. It's been a while since he's done anything just for the heck of it.

When he gets to the tattoo parlor later that day, he has a lightened step and even Kosmo picks up on his good mood.

Maybe he should hang out with these people more often.

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

[blindrapture]

SATURDAY MAY 28TH, 2011 (Cipher For A Million Years)

7:10 AM MISTRESS, HOW ARE YOUUUUU? Um.. yeah, kinda.. bad time! don’twakeupdonniedon’twakeupdonniedon’twakeupdonnie "You made it to Blackpool, and in such record time! This is a nice town, isn't it? Have you been on the front yet? There's still loads of souvenirs, and no one to charge you money for them. There's even a working candy floss machine. Maybe I'll have you make me some sometime. Maybe later." It.. it is a nice town, yes! "I'm here to give you important information. There's a marketplace I want you to go to, you'll find it on your own, you'll know the place. I want you there on Tuesday, at 8 PM. I have a job for you." Oh.. okay. "See you, cutie." And she's gone. o_o That was.. particularly awkward for me, as Donnie's hugging me in her sleep. Goddamn, Jordan. You're either very lucky, or very unlucky. I have no idea anymore.

10:07 AM Had breakfast. Going for another walk. I asked the tropers about any nearby marketplaces, and there's a very prominent one nearby. Gonna check it out, see if there’s anything today.

10:45 AM The marketplace is quiet, no zombies anywhere or anything. There are countless stalls littered around, and very few are empty. …free stuff. :D

10:51 AM Ohhhh my god, CDs.

10:54 AM There was actually some good stuff there. Got Bonnjo Vjönsped’s Cipher for a Million Years (part one: Beacon and Forty Knights of Some Sort of Fluffy Texture) and some David Bowie.

10:59 AM ..huh. A poster. “MAY 31 @ 20:00 TVTROPES MEET-UP HERE” A troper meet-up. May 31st is.. I’m pretty sure that’s Tuesday. 20:00’s 8 o’ clock. Mistress was right. Shit. This is interesting.

1:12 PM Back at the house. Brought up the troper meet-up. Tropers 1 and 2 didn’t know about it. o_o

2:38 PM We're all sitting in the living room, drinking tea, eating crumpets, reading newspapers and books. Like nothing ever happened to the world. This.. pretty much is exactly why I wanted to come up here. It's about survival, but it's also about safety. Donnie's thankful to have somewhere safe, she gets it! And she's thankful she joined me on such a long journey. uwu If I can just.. deal with Mistress... then maybe this can be the new life for us? And if I can deal with her, then surely the governments and stuff can deal with the rest of it? ...Donnie's crossed her leg over mine. God, I've always wanted that.

4:40 PM During a lull in conversation about the places the tropers would have liked to have shown us if the town still worked, I asked what the others know about the rabbit holes. “They’re gateways to somewhere. Sometimes people come back from them.” That’s all they knew. I didn’t want to mention what Mistress told me, about how they caused this whole mess, how they’re growing. They’d wonder how I knew this. Donnie would, too. I can’t spill my secrets. In retrospect, I should probably be careful what I write, as well. But no one's trying to read my journals. I think people just.. assume it's The Thing I Do.

7:12 PM Blackpool's never this quiet in the summertime, it's a tourist town. Just goes to show how much a week of monsters changes. The internet’s finally gone down. I suppose that’s why there’s a troper meet-up going on here.

10:00 PM It’s hard to believe this apocalypse has been going on for over a week now. I just realized that.

10:27 PM You know what I’m in the mood for? Awake. Dream Theater. Specifically, “The Mirror.” >w>

10:28 PM DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. DUN DUN DUN. Puppies on Acid, motherfuckers.

10:45 PM Whoa, that was a loud noise.

10:46 PM THE ZOMBIES BROKE THE FRONT DOOR DOWN

10:48 PM EAT GUITAR CONTROLLERRRR

10:54 PM THEY’RE EVERYWHERE FUCK FUCK FUCK

10:55 PM They’re not even doing anything. They only attack when I do. They move when I do.

10:59 PM These zombies look really freaking creepy. Most of them don’t even look dead. Just.. high. They look brain-dead.

11:00 PM Wait, what. They’re leaving.

11:03 PM Each one is gone now; the house is completely deserted besides us living folk.

11:09 PM ..troper 2. Where’s troper 2?

11:11 PM We’ve looked all over, but he’s nowhere. I wish we knew where he was.

11:13 PM Donnie spotted him. He’s outside with the zombies. I’m gonna get him. I need something to do.

11:18 PM The zombies are all staring at me. They’re standing still, only turning to continue watching me as I go past. Troper 2 is stuck. He can’t move.

11:19 PM Fucking ropes or something, cable, something, wrapped around his leg. I’m gonna try to untie his That’s not around his leg. That’s in it. fuckmore of them in his arms torso head ZOMbies WAKING UP

11:30 PM Fuuuck goddammit. I’m in. Troper 2’s not; he vanished shortly after the zombies ‘woke up.’ I need to keep a record of this. The more we have written down, the better, right? Troper 2 was struggling, he said he couldn’t move. I checked it out and he had…. some.. things, like.. cables or something digging into various parts of his skin. Then the zombies woke up. They just all said “How do you do.” And next thing I know, they all raised their hands forward. Like.. like you expect zombies to do. They all reached for me. Fuck, that was very weird.

11:42 PM Donnie wants me in bed. Her exact words were “I want you to come to bed with me.” I don’t know if she’s just too tired to watch her words or what. I guess we’re gonna find out!

(Attached: “The difficulty of parsing a question mark in the spoken-word depends wholly on the speaker’s inflections and on context. For phrases commonly taken rendered as statements, the speaker needs to raise her or his inflection at the end of the phrase in order for a listener to infer an inquisitive nature. All of this is irritating enough without considering ambiguous or even cryptic phrases, a trait ridiculously common to we the lonely wanderers. Not normally common to Salmacis, but I guess at this point it had her hands full already. Join us next month for the episode on complex pronoun systems!”)

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[officialchristiancagebbgirlblog]

✨101 NSFW writing prompts✨

Here is the NSFW version, polyamory inclusive! Just like before, if you use anything from this list all I ask is that you credit me! Happy reading and happy writing 🩷

Please feel free to request if my requests are open! Again, I’m still just writing Adam Copeland and Christian Cage but I am open to trying new wrestlers!

1: male partner being caught wearing their female partners underwear/clothes

2: two partners decide to make their third partner feel better after a long day

3: trying out a new kink

4: pegging for the first time

5: taking virginity (male)

6: taking virginity (female)

7: using a sex toy in public (male)

8: using a sex toy in public (female)

9: being caught masterbating

10: shower/bath sex

11: having sex with one partner while the third watches

12: being teased by both partners and then engaging in a threesome

13: sweet sex to make a partner feel better about themselves

14: being spanked (male)

15: being spanked (female)

16: going down on a partner (male)

17: going down on a partner (female)

18: having sex with a male partner in women’s lingerie/clothes

19: having sex with two male partners in women’s lingerie/clothes (can be just one wearing)

20: discussing the want to try new things in the bedroom

21: purposely walking out to one or two partners naked/in lingerie

22: punishment for being a brat

23: domming for the first time

24: subbing for the first time

25: public sex

26: “you can be louder, can’t you?”

27: “if you keep doing that I’m going to have to punish you”

28: “god, you’re so perfect”

29: “you’re so good at doing that”

30: “fuck, baby, don’t stop!”

31: “right there, please! That’s so good”

32: “you really thought you could parade around the house wearing that thinking I/we wouldn’t do anything about it?”

33: “you taste so good”

34: “no, don’t hide away from me. Let me see your face/body”

35: “let me worship you”

36: “you are so beautiful when you blush”

37: “bend over for me”

38: “does that feel good?”

39: “it doesn’t hurt, does it?”

40: “not so fast, baby, it’s better when you take your time”

41: “I’m always willing to try something once”

42: “I don’t know, I feel like that might be a bit too far for now”

43: “look at him/her while I fuck your brains out”

44: “you’re mine now”

45: “we can stop if you need to”

46: “is this okay?”

47: “suck his cock/eat her pussy while I fuck you”

48: “tsk tsk, what a naughty boy/girl wearing that. Looks like I/we need to teach you a lesson”

49: “you think you can get away from your punishment? Oh honey, how cute! Over my knee. Now”

50: “spread your legs for me/us”

51: “scream my name”

52: “choke me”

53: “I’m going to cum inside you”

54: “look at how desperate he/she is for you”

55: “does it turn you on knowing you don’t get to fuck him/her tonight?”

56: “beg all you want, I’m not untying you. You can just sit there and watch”

57: “sit on my face. Please. You won’t squish me, I promise”

58: “god, the things I want to do to you”

59: “does it feel good when I tease you like that?”

60: “spread his/her cheeks for me”

61: “look how needy he/she is!”

62: “listen to him/her moan like the little bitch he/she is”

63: “you’ve both been so fucking naughty today. Bend over, pull your panties down, and lift your skirts. I’m going to teach you both a lesson”

64: “call me daddy/mummy”

65: “I’m not going to remove either of your handcuffs until you get on the floor and show me you deserve to have them removed”

66: “does it feel good when I touch you both like this?”

67: “good boy/girl”

68: “why are you so worried what others think of you? Your body is beautiful, you need to remember that”

69: “swallow my cum”

70: “I think those little panties look good on you/him!”

71: “lay down. I’m going to show you how gorgeous you are”

72: “we’re going to take it slow tonight. Tell me straight away if it’s too much”

73: “mmm your cheeks are so red after that punishment”

74: “you deserve to be rewarded”

75: “use your words”

76: “fill him/her up with your cum”

77: “right here. We are doing it right. Here.”

78: “look at all those marks. Now no one will ever have to question if you belong to me/us”

79: “I’m going to make you cum. No…I’m going to make you squirt”

80: “you’re so wet for me”

81: “aww did I do this?”

82: “oh my god, I love you so much”

83: “lick my cum up off him/her”

84: “we’re not done until I say so”

85: “the more you do that, the less chance you have of getting laid tonight”

86: “does it feel good when he/she eats your ass like that?”

87: “keep teasing him/her. It’s cute seeing him/her get all worked up”

88: “you keep pissing me off, I’m going to turn that vibrator up. Surely you don’t want anyone to hear it, do you?”

89: “the only way you’ll get to get this close to him/her is if you bend over for me”

90: “look at you both, so desperate for this cock/strap”

91: “all you get tonight is the taste of her on my lips”

92: “please, untie me. Fuck me, I’m begging you”

93: “let me fuck him/her, please! I need it so bad”

94: “god you must be truly desperate if you’re grinding back on me like that”

95: “where do you think you’re going?”

96: “I want to hear him/her scream”

97: “I know we shouldn’t do this without him/her here, but I’m so horny”

98: “make me”

99: “look how pathetic he looks riding that dildo. It’s so hot”

100: “seeing his cum leak out of you is so fucking beautiful”

101: “take his/her cock/strap deep. I know you can take it”

[shinelikethunder]

I posted 1,893 times in 2022

That's 350 more posts than 2021!

221 posts created (12%)

1,672 posts reblogged (88%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@shinelikethunder

@cuntugolino

@deadpanwalking

@amarguerite

@calvinandhobbes

I tagged 1,705 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#supernatural - 307 posts

#hannibal - 236 posts

#fanart - 84 posts

#hannigram - 71 posts

#sandman - 70 posts

#twin peaks - 62 posts

#hellsite (affectionate) - 54 posts

#art - 50 posts

#will graham - 48 posts

#laugh rule - 47 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#'average meme dies in six weeks' factoid actualy just statistical error. average meme dies in 1 week. spiders georg‚ who lives forever on tu

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

very invested in the Hannibal s4 that only exists in my head where

okay

you know how season 3a is "hannibal tries to live without will" and season 3b is "will tries to live without hannibal" and they both fail miserably

i want a season 4a that's "will tries to go full murder husbands for hannibal" and a season 4b that's "hannibal tries to lay off the gratuitous murdering for will" and it somehow goes even worse

1,242 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#4

bold of SPN to not only give us a peek into both main characters' sex lives, but to make it a canonical characterization beat that the toughguy-projecting wannabe womanizer is a sweet earnest bottom in the sack and the babygirl-coded wannabe normie fucks like the world's kinkiest freight train

1,652 notes - Posted November 10, 2022

#3

i've been going on archaeological expeditions into the depths of the SPN tags on AO3, and tonight i got drop-kicked into an out-of-body experience so cursed that it'd require LAYERS of explanations to convey to a civilian how fucking funny it was:

unfortunately, SPN fandom is as enamored of mundane AUs as every other goddamn fandom seems to be these days

noted gay angel Castiel is, as you may have heard, a celestial entity possessing some poor guy named Jimmy Novak

apparently standard practice when mundane-AUing Castiel is to just give him the surname of the guy he bodysnatched?

and since SPN angels are all referred to as siblings (and are, of course, highly normal about that) it seems pretty common to just slap the same name onto other humanverse'd angels too

in the middle seasons one of Castiel's endless procession of dickwad angelic bosses is named Naomi

now you gotta bear in mind that i was not thinking about ANY of this. my brain had to backfill it. while reeling after almost blacking out when i scrolled past this character tag:

me, sitting there with my soul about to vacate the premises, thinking this fic is doing something WAY more interestingly cursed than it really is: listen man. listen. just because it's possible to reductively summarize the origins of AO3 as "Naomi Novik wanted a site she knew would never take down her Wincest fic" doesn't mean you gotta--

2,093 notes - Posted November 29, 2022

#2

seriously though, it's incredible how much of my "maybe titties again?" goodwill tumblr torched in 30 seconds through obnoxious UX alone:

i am browsing around in the android app. i see a post about disabling some new content filter. this is the first I've heard of it, even though my version of the app does turn out to have it - they put it in place before adding any mechanism to let me know it's there. strike one.

i go to settings > dashboard, the place where all the settings about what you do and don't see are supposed to live. no sign of it.

i go back to the settings menu. squint at it. see an unremarkable entry near the bottom called "Content you see" that isn't highlighted or marked as new in any way (even though i can't even visit anyone's blog anymore without having to actively tap past an FYI tooltip that can't be turned off, every single time, shilling weeks-old gift features that I've already used)

...oh, that's where my custom tag and keyword filters went. no prior indication they'd even been moved!

i have a lot of filters set up. like. a LOT. i now have to scroll past every single one of them, tag AND keyword, uncollapsed and unabridged, just to see whether there's another setting hiding underneath. on mobile! even the desktop site is more polite than this, jesus

just to recap so far: the only reason i even know to look is that i saw a random post about new content settings, and i would never have bothered with all that scrolling if i weren't crusty and paranoid about sites that hide vital settings in the depths of Menu Hell. i mean, that'd be crazy, right? surely listing all those filters with no collapse is a signal there's nothing worthwhile underneath them.

oh no wait, there they are!

it's not just one toggle, it's FOUR new settings!

all of them are set to "hide everything and never even let me know it was there"

even though there is a "blur" option that would've let me know that stuff was being hidden from me without actually showing it

even though i have, in the past, gone into every iteration of the adult content settings that tumblr has ever rolled out and affirmatively ordered it to show me the titties

THEY ARE NOT TOGGLES. EACH ONE OPENS A SEPARATE MENU SCREEN. every single one of the FOUR new settings needs like 3+ taps in the android app just to put it back to normal.

does turning on the catchall "mature content" setting cause the three more specific ones to default to "show" and let me pick restrictions as needed like a goddamn adult? NOPE, i have to go into the stupid little menu for every single one

it's almost like you didn't want me to find them and, having found them, wanted to make me pay as high an annoyance tax as possible to opt out of being nannied

the dashboard banner that eventually shows up, btw, says nothing about having been voluntold for additional filtering, and also just dumps you out in the general settings menu and leaves you to fend for yourself, with no indication of where this shit is hidden or what "this shit" even is. and that's downright friendly next to the link in the announcement post that's apparently been kicking people out of the app and onto web.

this is not how you get a rightfully mistrustful userbase to be optimistic about putting scarlet letters on their own posts. this is not how you convince anyone that it's just a courtesy, not a scarlet letter, or that it won't be used to punish and stigmatize you the instant the wind shifts direction.

in the most practical here-and-now terms, this is also not how you get people to USE the new content warnings on their posts! artists, especially, are hardly gonna jump to flag anything as mature if it means every single one of their followers - regardless of age, previous adult content settings, or whether they're in Apple's walled garden or not - has just been silently opted out of ever knowing it was there. (this goes double if it requires more than one sentence to explain how to reverse it. which this new setting seems almost deliberately designed to do.)

look, i want the titties back, okay? i would be delighted if this turned out to be the first step towards bringing them back. i know Tumblr is under duress from Apple that affects how they can do whatever they're doing here. but the way it's being rolled out sucks needless ass, and if they wanted my hope and trust, well, those are easier to muster up when I'm not going in grouchy about the frustrating UX of an app that's just taken hostile action against my prior explicitly-affirmed preferences.

2,103 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hey you wanna see something beautiful? this is Elsevier's wikipedia page. the actual contents are even more brutal.

make enough sworn enemies out of academics, open access advocates, and freedom of information activists, and one natural consequence is: your wikipedia page will never again be a place of cozy low-profile positivity where you can drop "about us" copy directly from marketing and expect no one to care enough to challenge it

6,727 notes - Posted April 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[frontierdavinci]

50+1/2 out-of-context-dnd inspired rp starters

//Let's make this a proper prompt list. All quotes from outofcontextdnd and, hoh boy, make they for some interesting RP starters.

1. “I forgot for six levels…”

2. “Are you sure you’re not a supervillain? Your motivation is literally to conquer the world.”

3. “What’s the silverware’s dexterity?”

4. “I’m an adult and I can make my own bad decisions!”

5. “Okay new rule, if anyone’s eyes start glowing ominously kick them in the junk immediately.”

6.  "It’s like 52 card pickup, except it kills people!"

7. “I had a similar plan, but it’s less stupid.“

8. And something miraculous happens. Your brain, it actually works!

9. “My acrobatics skills allows me some moral flexibility.”

9A. "I’m acrobatics as fuck!”

10. “I sit in the corner and consider murder.”

11. "If I see a wanted poster with my face on it, I sign it."

12. “Yeah there’s no way you’re getting out of this without being on fire.”

13. “Can everyone stop over-reacting? It was *only* a murder!”

14. "Stop being disappointed in me wearing clothes!"

15. “Guys, I swear I didn’t mean to escape prison, it was an accident.”

16.  "Rock, Paper, Scissors, BURNING HANDS!"

17.  “We’re not pirates, we’re aggressive bullet salesmen.”

18.  "Talk to the horses BEFORE we decide to stake the place out!"

19. “I am a genius when others help me. “

20.  “It was such a beautiful plan, it just didn’t survive contact with reality.”

21.  “I strive to be helpful and unsettling, I suppose.”

22.  “Hey buddy! Wanna help me do something stupid?”

23.  “I have two skills: Destruction and Style.”

24.  “Whatever their half-baked plans are, we need to make sure they don’t interfere with our own half-baked plans – otherwise we’ll all end up with quarter-baked plans and that’s practically raw.”

25.  "As a bonus action, I commit arson."

26.  “YOU HAVE THE MORAL COMPASS OF A ROULETTE WHEEL”

27.  “In our defense, we’re morons.”

28.  "Once it makes sense it will hopefully make sense"

29.  "You’re damaged, but in a good way."

30.  "Just to be clear: we’re all down to resist arrest, right?"

31. “I didn’t think about what to do when I got up here, I expected to fail” - “We all did”

32.  “Oh, I remember you from the darkest corners of my nightmares!”

33.  "Sorry about all the arson, I was trying to not die and got carried away."

34.  “Other than the looming threat of death it’s been fun”

35.  "Did you just propose to the enemy?"

36. “We have too much dignity for that.” - “We do?”

37.  “I think if we don’t set off all the traps we’re not doing it right.”

38.  “Oh yeah, almost dying is pretty much a habit at this point”

39.  “That is an incredibly evil act. Let’s do it.”

40.  “Are you inventing new theological branches just to spite me?”

41.  “I only murdered one guy! How does that make me a bad person?”

42.   “Stop killing (them) for a second!”

43. "Oh no, my evil cult got weird."

44. “We have to make that one special dead.”

45. “Sure, I could knock but I don’t want to, because I’m a criminal.”

46. "How do you safely remove someone’s skull?"

47. “I had everything planned! Except for soap. I never accounted for soap.”

48. “Ok its time to free a horse from hell jail”

49. “That’s adorable. We’ll kill (them) last.”

50. "When do the repeated horrible deaths begin?"

[ellezem]

1. Hope

2. prefer not to answer :) (minor)

3. August 15th

4. Leo

5. Yellow or purple idk

6. 12

7. 4 (2 cats 2 dogs used to have a frog)

8. The U.S. (too specific)

9. 5’1

10. 7-8

11. A lot lmao

12. I got an award for being a fat pig

13. I act and sing and draw

14. Idk I like to think I’m empathetic

15. Stand by me by Ben E. King or any David Bowie, Black Sabbath, or Metallica

16. But I’m a Cheerleader or Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

17. I don’t really have one, I just fall in love?

18. Probably not

19. Nope and my extended family can suck it up

20. I’m not sure, i say I’m agnostic so I’m kinda open to everything

21. Yes but my brain blocks out traumatic memories

22. Not that I can remember

23. I went to the tommyinnit “how to be a millionaire tour” (I didn’t meet him but it’s the closest thing I’ve got)

24. Showers, I don’t like sitting in water

25. I’m not wearing socks but the socks I was wearing earlier didn’t match. One was white with a rainbow and one was fnaf

26. Locally and I’ve been in the news but I’ve never been famous

27. Yeah I just want to be remembered

28. Depends on my mood but literally everything (as long at they’re not problematic)

29. No

30. 4 but a LOT of stuffies and blankets and my cat

31. Side/sprawl/ball

32. 3 bath, 3 bed, living, kitchen, garage, basement.

33. Nothing or half a muffin

34. No

35. Nerf archery lmao

36. Vanilla

37. Slut or whore

38. 20 hrs

39. Skin picking/eczema scars, sh, scraped knees.

40. Yeah

41. No

42. No

43. Yeah

44. Not too strong but it’s kinda a mix of a bunch of things

45. English/British

46. Infp-a

47. My bubbline jacket or my rainbow platforms

48. Yeah

49. Weird question but innie

50. Right

51. Yes

52. Popcorn or cherries

53. Pizzelles

54. Depression room (messy)

55. That’s so real or I’m gonna kms

56. Ya’ll

57. 30-45 mins

58. Not really

59. Bite, I don’t like keeping things in my mouth

60. Yes, it’s creepy

61. Yes I’m a theatre kid

62. I would say I’m pretty okay

63. That I’ll be forgotten or unlovable

64. I don’t mean to be but I think I am

65. Literally any marvel movie <3

66. Idc but I have short

67. I know where each one goes but I can’t name them off the top of my head

68. Writing or reading (as long as I’m writing/reading about something I like)

69. I’m a loud introvert

70. No

71. Everything

72. I used to be but I’ve stopped caring for my saftey

73.I’m afraid to but I will sometimes

74. Yes, literally everywhere

75. No, I’m not like that

76. I guess

77. 👀

78. I’ve taking unprescribed and random pills but no, not unless I’m in pain and someone gave me something.

79. Real? Or straight agenda? Because straight agenda me liked this guy cody I think was his name but real was this girl Dolly

80. Regular Ears but I want more

81. Yes

82. Like 38 characters per minute

83. Mile in 14 mins (I hate running)

84. REALLY dark brown (I’ve dyed it a million times)

85. Same as hair

86. I have a low acidic tolerance meaning my mouth swells when I eat pineapple and kiwi (I do it anyways no one can stop me)

87. It’s helpful to but I usually forget so sometimes I’ll just write down something in my notes

88. My mom teaches permanent hair removal (electrolysis) and has been doing it since she was 16. My dad works for her.

89. No I’m the youngest in my grade and it sucks

90. The world, the U.S., bigots, abuse, attention seeking

91. Nope that’s why I go by my middle name (my first name is pretty it’s just not ME)

92. Yes but I don’t want kids. I like zeffir, Asher, David.

93. I wouldn’t care, I don’t want kids.

94. Volume, fake confidence, talking.

95. People, stage fright, crowds, vomit, bugs.

96. My mom like the name Elizabeth but didn’t like the nickname Lizzie so she went with the Italian alternative.

97. 🤷🤷🤷

98. Didn’t you ask this question?

99. Grey

100. I paint murals on my walls but underneath it’s white.

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name? 2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What is your zodiac sign? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What’s your lucky number? 7. Do you have any pets? 8. Where are you from? 9. How tall are you? 10. What shoe size are you? 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 12. What was your last dream about? 13. What talents do you have? 14. Are you psychic in any way? 15. Favorite song? 16. Favorite movie? 17. Who would be your ideal partner? 18. Do you want children? 19. Do you want a church wedding? 20. Are you religious? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 24. Baths or showers? 25. What color socks are you wearing? 26. Have you ever been famous? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 28. What type of music do you like? 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? 32. How big is your house? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 34. Have you ever fired a gun? 35. Have you ever tried archery? 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39. Do you have any scars? 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 41. Are you a good liar? 42. Are you a good judge of character? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 44. Do you have a strong accent? 45. What is your favorite accent? 46. What is your personality type? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 48. Can you curl your tongue? 49. Are you an innie or an outie? 50. Left or right handed? 51. Are you scared of spiders? 52. Favorite food? 53. Favorite foreign food? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? 55. Most used phrased? 56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 58. Do you have much of an ego? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 60. Do you talk to yourself? 61. Do you sing to yourself? 62. Are you a good singer? 63. Biggest Fear? 64. Are you a gossip? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 68. Favorite school subject? 69. Extrovert or Introvert? 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 71. What makes you nervous? 72. Are you scared of the dark? 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 74. Are you ticklish? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 77. Have you ever drank underage? 78. Have you ever done drugs? 79. Who was your first real crush? 80. How many piercings do you have? 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ 82. How fast can you type? 83. How fast can you run? 84. What color is your hair? 85. What color is your eyes? 86. What are you allergic to? 87. Do you keep a journal? 88. What do your parents do? 89. Do you like your age? 90. What makes you angry? 91. Do you like your own name? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? 94. What are you strengths? 95. What are your weaknesses? 96. How did you get your name? 97. Were your ancestors royalty? 98. Do you have any scars? 99. Color of your bedspread? 100. Color of your room?

[kitkatt0430]

Random Numbers! 4, 6, 7, 12, 17, 21, 29, 35

4.) Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?

I've answered that one over here :D

6.) What's your ratio for rating your works?

So I mostly write gen/teen rated fics - it's not quite a 50/50 split between those since I do occasionally write M or E, but maybe a 48/47 percent split between G and T? Something like that anyway, I'm too lazy to do the exact calculations.

If it's T there's probably swearing and some violence to them, harder themes, maybe some kissing fades to black implied sex. My G rated fics might still wind up with swearing in them, but otherwise they're more likely to be of the lighter and fluffier variety. Not always, since I do enjoy leaning into angstier stuff sometimes.

I've been overly cautious with a few of my M rated fics that could probably actually be T rated, but I tend to be of a better safe than sorry mindset with those. Though the few E rated fics I've done have absolutely earned their rating.

7.) Your favourite ao3 tag.

Fix Fic/Fix-it/variations thereof. I absolutely love a good fix fic for canon ailments. :D That said, I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers too, so when I can get a combination of both? I will probably stay up reading waaaay to late as a result. Hello three AM, where did you come from?

12.) If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?

If it's not complicated and in, say, Spanish then I'll usually put the actual Spanish into the fic with a translation below in the end notes. Spanish in particular I did learn some of in high school though I admit a lot of that's faded. If what I'm trying to say is complicated enough that I don't want to risk online translators screwing it up for me (or my memory being too hazy), then I'll write it in English with something to denote it's intended to be another language. Usually italics, though too much italics can become difficult for me to read through when I go back for edits.

I'll also look up common phrases and idioms to try and throw those in where they'd work most naturally - especially when I remember to play with Hartley and Eobard's tendency to use Latin as their personal secret language.

17.) Past or present tense? Why?

Past tense tends to flow most naturally for me, though sometimes I'll slip up into present tense. I tend to mostly read books that are past tense, so that's probably why it feels more natural/flows better when I write.

21.) Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret?

If they're a one shot fic then, most of the time, they stay that way. But if the fic is longer than a one chapter fic? I'm probably not going to be able to predict very well. The shorter a fic is, the better I can guess. The longer the fic is, the more I risk having it wind up on hiatus with x/? chapters sitting there mocking me.

29.) What's the hardest thing about writing?

Keeping my focus on one idea long enough to complete it. I've got so many ideas knocking around in my brain and I want to write them all.

35.) Thoughts on writing challenges/contests.

I like participating in events like prompt weekends/week long/month long events. Or bingos. I like the self imposed challenges there of completing on time. But I'm not really into contests or gifting events. I'm not really a competitive person, I tend to find it amusing in others but exhausting when I try to be too competitive myself. It kind of sucks the fun out for me. So writing contests aren't really interesting for me to participate in for that reason.

[justarandompersonxd]

All of the asks if you feel like it! If not lemme know :)

(Ps I'm still working on your ask/answers sfgjldgrg)

hi love ^^, take your time hehe

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? water bottles

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? chocolate bars all the way

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? not cause it wasn't me lmao

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? i prefer not to drink soda at all. glass cups if i had to

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? tomboy

7. earbuds or headphones? headphonessss

8. movies or tv shows? tv shows!

9. favorite smell in the summer? flowerssssss

10. game you were best at in p.e.? sucked at all of em pfff

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? bread with peanut butter

12. name of your favorite playlist? mix 1

13. lanyard or key ring? lanyard ^^

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? old dutch candy: boterwafels

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? don't really like bok school assignments

16. most comfortable position to sit in? sideways or backwards

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? work boots

18. ideal weather? 16 degrees celcius, no breazy, cloudy skies

19. sleeping position? whatever th brain wants that day

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? note book

21. obsession from childhood? what is childhppd (joking). marvel and viva pinata

22. role model? lmao none

23. strange habits? i eat weird and i drink weird. don't really know how to describe it pfff

24. favorite crystal? bismuth

25. first song you remember hearing? no clue sorry

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? swimminggggg

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? sleeping probably

28. five songs to describe you? wolfpack (blind channel) hallelujah i'm not dead (citizen soldier) brittle (icon for hire) sunflower (icon for hire) in need of medicine (smash into pieces

29. best way to bond with you? ask me about my hyperfixations :D

30. places that you find sacred? my room

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? none, i don't like confrontations

32. top five favorite vines? free shavacadoo, work road ahead and tomas sanders story time series

33. most used phrase in your phone? idk man, im on kaptop

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? none at the moment

35. average time you fall asleep? 2 am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing? fnaf memes

37. suitcase or duffel bag? duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea? tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? had neither so-

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? people really loved throwing chairs

41. last person you texted? my qpp ^^ @stephlastname

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? pants pockets

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? hoodie

44. favorite scent for soap? lemon

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? superhero

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? n o t h i n g, just underwear

47. favorite type of cheese? all of them

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? orange or banana

49. what saying or quote do you live by? try to be kind

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? mostly stories my friend tells

51. current stresses? too much-

52. favorite font? wingdingssss

53. what is the current state of your hands? pretty a okay

54. what did you learn from your first job? s p i e g e l e n

55. favorite fairy tale? one out of a fabke book my gramma got me. it was about a fox and a heron finding about each other's struggles.

56. favorite tradition? eh. don't really have 1

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome? accepting myself breaking free from my family choosing myself

58. four talents you’re proud of having? being able to calm people down drawingg writinggg and talking skills

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? dont actually know

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? cooking anime

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.? we're all different people troughout our lives

62. seven characters you relate to? tenth doctor 11th doctor felicity smoak

63. five songs that would play in your club? icon for hire and smahs into pieces

64. favorite website from your childhood? google+

65. any permanent scars? 1 on my left shoulder (innerworld). a couple on my legs. a couple on my left arm and shoulder. and a bunch on my head

66. favorite flower(s)? sunflowers ^^

67. good luck charms? phoenix keychain

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried? sour

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned? i know about 8 ways to dispose of a body

70. left or right handed? right handed

71. least favorite pattern? dots my beloathed

72. worst subject? maths

73. favorite weird flavor combo? sweet and savoury

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen? 5

75. when did you lose your first tooth? sammich

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? poffed potato

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill? vinessss

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? grocery store sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo? neither

80. earth tones or jewel tones? jewel tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? fireflies :0

82. pc or console? console

83. writing or drawing? writing

84. podcasts or talk radio? podcasts

84. barbie or polly pocket? neither

85. fairy tales or mythology? mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes? cookies

87. your greatest fear? becoming like my parents

88. your greatest wish? getting to run around the wild like my kintypes

89. who would you put before everyone else? my qpp 100 percent

90. luckiest mistake? dont actually know

91. boxes or bags? bags

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights? fairy lights

93. nicknames? so many

94. favorite season? winter

95. favorite app on your phone? simplyplural

96. desktop background? a screencap from no man's sky

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? my own and my mom's

98. favorite historical era? ancient greece

[dwynwenscottage]

I did complete my assignment. I was in bed for 3am. I felt so happy that I pushed myself to complete it after I had been in and out of sleep for the last 48 hours after a very intense autistic... I'm going to call it overload rather than a 'meltdown' because a meltdown doesn't really encapsulate what it is for me and, in my opinion, sounds too childish and 'blame-y'. Overload is what it is to me. It's a complete 'too much' of everything at once that makes me have to sit on the floor and scratch at the floor and try to hold on for dear life as all my muscles tense and the world goes red like a big blister in my brain. Then, it's like 1 minute of complete silence and peace, then deep depression and non-stop sleeping. No one sees this, so it's much easier to think that Mask Me can not possibly be disabled. Don't worry, we're all a little on the spectrum : ) you're not alone, sometimes, I'm a bit anxious too and I have a cup of tea and I feel better ! : ) maybe try it! : )

Anyway, I did my assignment. Then, as my report said, my memory issues are a bitch and they're shot to SHIT (they genuinely said that Drs are real potty mouths these days) I forgot to save the document with my entire assignment on it. I went to bed, and Windows decided to force an update and completely wipe the assignment so that it's unrecoverable. Cue; 'why are you so fucking stupid' trauma, and voila, you have overload attack number 3 of the week.

Luckily my lecturers were nice as my report had my back (thanks buddy for telling people the ways in which I actually am, under the Equality Act 2010, actually disabled and not just a little quirky on the spectrum we are all on). I have an extension, and I'll write the whole thing again.

In a way, I'm incredibly thankful for the diagnosis, but living a life of being told you're ditsy, stupid, careless, and irresponsible is one heck of a hard thing to unlearn even if you have a medical report stating significant memory problems. It's so hard to accept. I can remember my favorite velcro pink shoes at 4, and what the tomatoes that my neighbors grew in their garden tasted like as a toddler. But yesterday, I forgot where to put the plates. I dropped another glass. I didn't know which tap was the cold one. I forgot to save the assignment I had worked on all week, and now it's gone. I've lost the belief that if I just fixed my trauma, it would be all healed and my memory would come back, but you know what, maybe it's ok to accept this is how I am and it's part of a bigger whole that I need to re-learn to love. I want to love my autistic self whilst also recognising that I am disabled, and that's ok. It's going to take time.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

Wed 7:30 🕢 am pt 26 April 2023

I currently have no beef 🥩 with Travis McCoy. It’s not the part that I have beef 🥩 about. It’s the part Incubus sang. But it don’t matter anymore. 7:33 pmpt

8:58 am pt when I met Scott the first time, I scowled at him to discourage any s*xual relationship btwn us Bcz I was VERY attracted to him physically but we both had boyfriend/girlfriend. Jessica was very sweet and a little shy ☺️ a little quiet. An architect major at the time. 9 am pt she called him sunny 🌞. 🎶🎼🎵🎤🎧🎸 I said are you gonna be my girl? 1 2 3 take my hand 🤚 and come with me Bcz you look so fine I really wanna make you mine 4 5 6 come on and gets your kicks 🦵 [...] big black boots 👢 long brown hair she’s so sweet with her get back stare 🎶🎼🎵🎤 9:03 am pt

6:02 pmpt right butt cheek flared 🔥😞😖😭. Smelled 👃 acetone in the bathroom 🚽. Smelled 👃 like nail polish remover 💅🏼 6:04 pmpt. We don’t wear nail polish 💅🏼 currently.

6:05’pmpt might be retailiation for my blog. I mentioned nail polish 💅🏼 recently. 6:06 pmpt

6:07 pmpt around 2 pm pt I tried to take pictures using Instagram, Facebook, & tumblr of when I was around 4 years old. It wouldn’t post after I selected to “use photo”. 6:09 pmpt incubus doesn’t want me posting it I guess. I wonder 💭 why .

8:08 pmpt I don’t believe in the incubus anymore. I 💭 think he’s twisted. Making child rape happen. He knows how to make people weird and make them forget right from wrong. 8:10 pmpt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ why. He likes torture? Of children 👶? And he likes rape? I remember b4 my birthday 🎂 in 2000 probably, after school 🏫 probably, I was laying on the couch 🛋 (right jaw bone 🦴 pain 😖😭😰😱 feels like he might snap off the corner of it! 😭 he also attacked my vag multiple times probably last 48 hours with acid again!) mtv was on, the lady who said she had boxes 📦 of old vintage toys 🧸 for toy fairs was my neighbor, Carson Daly was on and they were was Avery young woman 👩🏼 naked? on tv 📺 with only whipped cream covering her vag. And a man also was ther and they rubbed their private parts together. Carson said someone’s dad is going to be very upset. 8:15 pmpt I got h*rny. I wonder if the incubus was around. I wasn’t even 15 years old yet. 8:15 pmpt

8:23 pmpt it was probably that same school 🏫 year that I found the ring 💍 (cramps 😖😭😫) in the girls bathroom 🚽 and strangely 💭 thought it was for me. 8:24 pmpt. 8:25 pmpt I didn’t wear it for years. I wore it recently though in the last 3 years. 8:26 pmpt

8:28 pmpt a pipe was changed a few days ago. Unfortunately the people who changed it seem to intentionally put a lot of dirt in the pipe. I have very sensitive skin so I reacted to it. Right shin pain. I’m guessing they are Cano’s friends. I am guessing that some of Cano’s friends are staying in the hotel 🏨 and are mocking me Bcz they know all the tiny secret architecture stuff of the hotel 🏨 and are using it to poison ☠️ me through the air and maybe 🤔 the water 💦. 8:31 pmpt

11:10 pmpt incubus (left heel pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵) god planned dugard’s stolen life. A very ugly awful reality to live. He faked her out every day. She could have been saved quickly but she wasn’t. She was naked sitting 🪑 on a bucket 🪣 in a shed with fuzzy/fluffy handcuffs (porn stuff) 11:14 pmpt it would have been obvious with his history what he planned to do. But cops 👮‍♂️ followed what demon angels told them to do. It was very obvious that what they were told to do was wrong. Yet they did it. Cops 👮‍♂️ of all people, you would think 💭 it was obvious to them. Which means they intentionally let bad things happen Bcz they have no motivation to do the right thing. 11:18 pmpt what decency? Their god is heinous, but they have all sorts of reasons. Now I’m wondering 💭 what is true???? Are all people bad? Are all people good? How did we survive b4 god? My brain 🧠 is getting attacked by acid again now it’s significantly attacked. I’m very scared 😱 when will be the last attack? 11:21 pmpt how do you prove you’re good? Greeks say friendship is a slow ripening fruit. Why Scott is expecting me to trust him and automatically trust any feelings (acid throat pain 11:23 pmpt) how many ways did he intend to use “fell for”? Love 💗? Tricked? (Left hip bone 🦴 pain 11:25 pmpt. He very early on drew my name looking like I was going to get fat and fall with 6 backward 7s. I think 💭 he planned to not elaborate/explain much, withheld information ℹ️, and pretending that he was thinking 💭 one way publicly, but it is obvious to me after the fact when I reviewed things that happened that he is portraying himself the opposite of what he really is. 11:28 pmpt pretending to accidentally get cat 🐈 hair on the condom. But when I told the doctor 👩‍⚕️ the doctor 👩‍⚕️ saw through it and thought 💭 it was intentional. 😤😤🥵😤🥵😖😭 chest heart ♥️ pain 11:30 🕦 pmpt 11:31 pmpt

11:32 pmpt he said the Bible was “interesting.”

12:21 am pt incubus probably helped the man 👨 who s*xually assaulted and murdered Jon benet Ramsey. Maybe he was actually there in person. 12:22 am pt

incubus hurt my spine I felt something stab inside and push in. Right jaw pain left shin pain. In 2021? Someone broke into our apartment and spoiled our food. How do I know? It was a coconut 🥥 (acid throat pain 12:25 am pt. The shell was hard when we bought it. When we came back the shell was only soft on the bottom as if someone stayed a while to soak it until it turned to mushy soft shell. 12:26 am pt every apartment I lived in from 2020 to 2022 had weird realtor lock 🔒 boxes 📦 on the stairs. 12:28 am pt. I thought 💭 someone was trying to toy 🧸 with me. 12:28 am pt some of our things spontaneously got broken. 12:29 am pt. Food was also stolen in 2020/2021. Neighbors behaved strangely and had very minimal furniture 🪑, uncluttered apartments. 12:31 am pt end of 2020 I think 💭 they moved out. 12:31 am pt. Those lockboxes are weird. Left hip bone 🦴 pain left shin pain. Why would incubus toy 🧸 with me all my life to fake me out in the end? I was miserable 😖 😭the way I was. I wanted to be genuine authentic and happy with friends. Why would he do something so cruel? Why is there child rape? Bcz he is cruel. Simple. 12:34 am pt

12:40 am pt I guess garrido might have been 100% zombie 🧟‍♂️. Bcz he seemed to have a multiple personality disorder. Switching btwn sobbing 😭 saying sorry (so that god incubus looks better to people) and then 180 degrees change in mood and all of them did had lapses in memory on specific events. And Bcz the cops 👮‍♂️ let it continue that’s confirmation that it was all coordinated by incubus god and they all agree to do it. 12:45 am pt rough acid pain brain 🧠. If that isn’t proof enough that he’s the devil and you should not do what he says if you’re a cop 👮‍♂️ or a doctor 👩‍⚕️? Then I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what else to say. 12:47 am pt but I guess Bcz they keep doing it, then they’re resigned to the design of this is how life ends. You do what the devil says then it means you should know you’re at the end of your life. It’s not only the person you do wrong but it’s also yours. We are all designed to take out each other then. I was going to write ✍️ something but I forgot... if you have very good abilities to think 💭 I guess. There are things you knew that a lot of people don’t know Bcz of mind control, then you’re very guilty. Like probably Scott -> scottservo. 12:52 am pt. A lot of people only know a little Bcz they’re usually very distracted that they don’t connect the dots and they don’t realize a lot. 12:53 am pt I tried to explain the way I saw 👀 and dealt with things. 12:54 am pt

12:55 am pt is this way of life neverending? You will know when I don’t have something/a part of my body anymore. I don’t want to live broken anymore. 12:57 am pt. I am the secret symbol for whether child rape ends or not Bcz I am sacrificial lamb 🐑/cow. Jon benet Ramsey. Japanese r = L sound. Left hip bone 🦴 pain acid throat pain 12:59 am pt. They groomed me to possibly be raped when I was 4 years old. If you believe in the test. Otherwise we have a cruel twisted god. 1:01 am pt. Why let someone be born to torture them? Heinous. 1:02 am pt