#it is 2am i hope it doesn't suck

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife # 8- Drama Queen

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Can be read with others in series or alone

Warnings: allusions to sex, mostly fluff and comedy

- - - -

Its been a pretty quiet evening, and with you home, thats saying something. Joel's minding his business watching Tv when you come plopping down next to him on the couch. He doesn't acknowledge you.

So you scoot over and sigh heavily. Still No reaction from the male.

You feint a yawn and snuggle your head on his shoulder. He smiles a little, but doesn't look at you. You rub affectionately like a kitten.

Nothing.

Take the hint, you stupid hunk.

Your pretty manicured hand creeps on his thigh, stroking up and down senually with delicate fingertips.

He knows where this is going, but he won't entertain you. He coughs a little, bored, and continues scrolling channels. Wants to see how far you'll go to get what you want.

As if on cue, you persist. Wrapping your arm over his broad shoulders, hitching your knee awkwardly on his thigh despite the baby in your belly squirming at the uncomfortable angle. You playfully boop his nose, giggling like a flirt. He purses his lips, but nothing else.

You stare at his profile, that unique Joel Miller look of concentration. Handsome and stoic—that little shithead.

You're teasingly rubbing your fingers through his scruff, twisting gently as a massage.

You bring your lips and kiss him kindly on the cheek. Something sweet. Innocent. Then again, but a little longer. Then some more, peppered down his jaw, along his pulse. Heated and wetter. Growing more needy and nipping his ear, making little happy moans as your hand continues to wander over his legs, tip toeing to his crotch.

Joel sighs, finally looking at you. "There a reason you're trying to get me turned on, ma'am?"

"Mmm," you hum, biting your lip and staring his plump ones. You crawl closer, breasts smashed against his bicep as you lick your lips, tongue peaking out with lusty eyes trying to put him under your best charm. Yesyesyes give it to me, Fucker!

"I want a Big—" you kiss his nose "—Messy—" teeth nip at his lower lip "—Hot—" you peck him teasingly, sucking his flesh in your mouth so he knows you mean business. Then you stare down at him with your serious eyes, foreheads pressing,

"—Fudge Cookie Dough Chocolate Gooey Fantasy Milkshake with extra Rainbow Sprinkles from Clyde's Creamery."

Yeah. He knew exactly this is where this was going.

He cracks a warm smile, cupping your jaw and parting your lips with his thumb. You suck it into your mouth, hoping to please him. Just as hes about to kiss you, he leans in and says, "No. Its 11pm. Bedtime."

You get off his lap with a cold shoulder and a scoff, proceeding to ignore him for the rest of the night.

Hes evens surprised when you go to bed still silent, facing away from him without a kiss goodnight when you turn off your lamp.

Until it's 2am when he's startled awake by the sound of the the front door opening. He's storming downstairs trying not to trip, and haphazardly throwing a shirt on backwards while in his boxers, only to see you with a packed bag, hand dramatically caressing  your bump with fake ass tears down your cheek going outside to the car.

"Where the FUCK are you going??" He asks, rubbing his eyes. Aggravation and rough exhaustion evident in his tone.

"You said you didn't love me, so I'm leaving," you huff. There's no hint of a joke in your words. Genuine pain. Hurt. Quiet and walking away. You dont wait to see his reaction and without another word, you turn to leave.

Hes so whiplashed, wracking his brain trying to remember any time he even remotely could have said something like that and you interpret it—

"I SAID YOU COULDN'T HAVE A HOT FUDGE COOKIE DOUGH CHOCOLATE GOOEY FANTASY MILKSHAKE because it was FUCKING 11PM AND CLOSED! Now get your fat beautiful ass and our baby back in here and dont ever pull this stupid stunt again!"

You scowl at him, preventing any physical reaction of your internal swooning he thinks my ass is pretty. You hold your ground and refuse to move from your position, defiant, in flip flops and a long nightgown on the front porch at 2am.

Joel furrows his brows and closes his eyes, soothing over the wrinkles you've caused to grow on his forehead.  "Fuck. I'll get you one tomorrow morning for breakfast. Okay?"

You smile giddily and skip back inside "Okie!" You step past him drop your shit on the couch, kissing him on the cheek. "Dont forget the extra rainbow sprinkles."

He grunts, glad that it's dark enough in the house you can't see how exhausted and annoyed he is.

"Oh and close the door, Joel! You'll wake the neighbors with your unnecessary shouting bit. Dramatic much?" You scoff, and waddle up the stairs and right to bed like nothing happened.

-

Tommy also has access to your ring camera notifications and sees Joel and you out there and the whole conversation, and he's laughing so hard when he watches the playback. He teases grumpy exhausted Joel the next morning, conveniently with a to-go milkshake in his hand at 8am.

"Softy for your girl?"

"Shut up."

"And when you have the baby, then there's gonna be two of her!" Tommy wheezes.

Joel's saggy and wrinkled eyes manage to open wider than ever as that particular horror sets over him.

- - - -

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[wlwsoccerfics]

Broken Glass(SamKerrXKristieMewisXTeenReader)

A/N: i know it isn't really Long but i was reminded that someone actually suggested it a while ago and i forgot about this request. I hope you like it. won't be the Last time that i write about them.

Warnings: mentions of trauma, Foster care, injury, blood, mental health, nightmares

Summary: you get scared.

It has been three years since you have been adopted by Sam and Kristie. And one year since you have started calling them Mom & momma. you were 15 now.

You woke up in the middle of the night. Breathing heavy. Tears streaming down your face. You had a terrible nightmare. So you wiped away the tears and walked into the livingroom. No one was there. Obviously not. Your adoptive moms both were asleep cause it was 2am. So you turned the TV on, Volume was very low.

You put on your favorite Disney movie Mulan. It always helped to calm you down.

Sam, your mom went to grab herself a Glass of water when she noticed you on the Couch.

"y/n, what's wrong sunshine?" She asked and sat down next to you.

You cuddled up to her and she wrapped her arms around you.

"i had one of my nightmares." You admitted. She sighed sadly.

"sunshine maybe it's time to see your therapist again? Cause not sleeping is unhealthy. Plus you are an athlete! You need your sleep. It's key." Sam, your Mom said softly.

"yeah maybe!" You answered, letting out a soft sigh. Still staying cuddled up to your Mom.

It wasn't long until your momma joined.

"Sweetheart, did you have nightmares again?" Your momma asked. You nodded your head softly.

"yeah it sucks." You admitted and looked at her. Joining the cuddle.

You ended up falling asleep like that on the Couch. So your Mom carried you to their bed and laid you down. You stayed asleep and they went back to sleep as well.

The next day you got thirsty and went to the kitchen. You could feel a Panic Attack coming up because you have read an old diary of yours. Actually wanting to work through your Trauma but the result was you being triggered. Your hands were shaking, you had trouble breathing and your vision was blurry. You had a Glass in your hand trying to fill it up with some tap water but ended up breaking the Glass in your hand. Not even realizing how badly you were bleeding but your momma heard the Glass breaking and quickly made her way into the kitchen.

"Sweetheart! It's okay! Breathe in and out slowly." She said and helped you sit down on the kitchen counter.

"Babe! First Aid Kit now!" Your momma yelled out. And your Mom quickly showed up with it to fix your hand up so you could get to the Hospital.

"oh my..."your Mom breathed out.

You didn't remember anything about this drive to the hospital. Not a single thing. What you remembered was the warmth of your momma's Body. The comfort she gave you while she held you.

"Okay, y/n you need stitches. Thankfully you didn't cut anything major so you won't have a numbness left in your hand." The doctor explained.

Your Momma held your good Hand and you squeezed it while your Mom rubbed your back gently. You looked away while the doctor fixed Up your hand. You needed 12 stitches for the whole mess.

"you are doing so well, Love! Such a tough Cookie you are!" Your momma told you.

"i agree with your momma! You are pretty badass!" Your Mom answered.

"thank you! Doesn't feel like it though!" You admitted. Sniffling softly. Trying to ignore the pain. You were relieved when your hand was fixed. You got pain meds and were allowed to go back home.

At home you talked to your moms about what was going on and why you had the panic attack. So they called your therapist and let her know that you would come and see her again for sessions twice a week. Which actually did make you feel better and the Panic attacks and nightmares became quite rare.

[miiyochi]

୨୧ # BORED

feat. solomon x gn!mc contents. fluff, vaguely takes place in original obey me timeline, solomons your teacher!, light blood n leech mentions :3c genre. drabbles , fluff words. 699  note. this is basically a short conversation you have w/ solomon :) it's currently 2am and I am going to conk out for the night

solomon. 𖦹

You're currently lying upside down on the side of Solomon’s bed, watching him scribble away on some papers you couldn’t care less about. He’s probably working on another lesson for you, but you’re too frustrated to focus on practicing magic. No, you’re feeling something worse than frustration—you're bored.

You’re bored out of your mind, and you want entertainment, attention, anything that’ll distract you from thoughts of ‘how many pens I can steal from Solomon’s desk without him noticing’.

You groan obnoxiously, hoping Sol gets the hint and puts his pen down. Solomon doesn’t, of course, he heard you, and of course, he’s purposefully paying no mind to him.

So, of course, you do it again. Groaning even louder and rolling around on his bed, kicking your feet on the bed to get your point across even more. It's childish, yes but you don't care in the slightest. pausing your movements to peek up at the desk he’s at and notice Solomon’s still writing away.

Annoying.

“Hey. heyy…. Hey geezer. Old bat,” you say, picking up a loose piece of paper off the floor and tearing off the corners to throw at him. “Pay attention to me.”

Silence.

“Sol. Solomon.” He finally stops writing, but he doesn't let the pen go. He just sits in silence, staring at the paper he was previously writing on and the stray balled-up pieces of paper now starting to collect on his desk.

“Solomonie. "Mr. Monsolo,” continuing to spew out random names you could think of, Solomon finally lets the pen drop to the desk with a deep sigh.

Solomon finally looks up at you, surprisingly, he doesn't look annoyed. It's almost as if he was expecting you to do something like this, which he isn’t. At this point, bothering him has become a hobby for you. “What can I do for you, my lovely MC?”

"I've got a question for you"

“Oh?”

“Yeah, listen up, okay?” You shift in your spot on the bed so that you’re sitting upright on your knees facing him. Sitting in silence for a moment, thinking of the next string of words coming out of your mouth: "If I were a leech, would you let me feed off you? yknow, like blood.”

Solomon smiles at that. “You want to drink my blood?” you shake your head, “not particularly no… well, I guess not currently. I’m not a leech. Or a vampire… or Asmodeus.” you whisper the last bit, though you guess he still heard you since he laughs a little.

“Is that really what you wanted to ask me?” When he sees you nod at that, Solomon sits back in his chair with a finger tapping his chin (even the way he thinks is annoying) and ponders for a moment,

"MC, there’s not a thing I wouldn’t let you do to me if you asked for it.”

The room went silent for a moment, and the atmosphere suddenly changed. You couldn’t quite place it, you don’t know exactly what kind of mood it shifted into, but you could feel the utter disgust forming on your face from that.

“Can’t you just, like, say no or something? You go along with almost everything I say.”

“You would’ve been upset if I didn’t let you suck my blood.”

“WELL-…yeah but you don't have to word it like that. I can’t tell if you’re messing with me or not.”

Solomon chuckles lightly before getting up out of his chair to meet you on the bed. He sits next to you and places his hand on top of yours.

“I mean it, MC. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you.”

Ahh, there he goes again. Solomon has a habit of getting all sentimental at the most random moments of the day. He’s so earnest and genuine that you never know what to say or do. What’s the right thing to say when someone says that to you? Especially your teacher, of all people.

“Do you always care for your students like this?”

"I've only ever had one.”

God, what's with his sudden mood shift? It’s getting harder to breathe, and he’s making it harder. His hand moves under yours to weave his fingers in between yours and squeeze them.

“There’s only one student I’ve ever cared about like this, MC.”

“Good.” You squeeze back.

thank you for reading, rbs appreciated!

m.list

[unhappy-last-resort]

Golem's Treasure

Fandom: Morimens

Genre: Yandere

Main Characters: Uvhash, GN Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: Stalking, erotic descriptions of blood-sucking, vaguely vampiric, implied nsfw, prob ooc, most definitely has some grammar or spelling mistakes because it's almost 2AM

A/N: So, Sensabo got me into Morimens and we both love Uvhash. He's kinda neat.

Hot water trickles down your skin, washing off the last of the soap and stress from the day and you breath in the humid air of your shower, a rare moment of warmth and peace in your dangerous day to day life but, time doesn't stand still for you, not even in the shower. With a sigh you shut off the water and pull open the curtain with a high-pitched screech of the metal hooks sliding over the pole, ready to dry yourself off and get ready for bed. Your favorite towel sits neatly folded right where you left it, and the steam floats in the air making the rest of the bathroom much less cold than you feared, along with the man crouched in the corner, watching you.

Unsurprisingly, you shriek and haphazardly yank the shower curtain forward, fumbling loudly much to the amusement of your intruder- whose cackles are bouncing off the walls and hurting your ears.

“Your frightened expressions are my favorite! I should do this more often- By the way, you make a lot of interesting noises in there, I was tempted to go and see what you were doing.”

You clenched the curtain so tight your knuckles were white and mustered all your rage into what you hoped was the angriest glare he’d ever seen in his life and thrust your head out from behind the curtain. “Uvhash! What the fuck are you doing?!”

The creature in question stretched his long arms, his joints moving against each other, pulled by invisble muscle and you absently wondered if he was like one of those deep sea fish that have see through organs- or if he even has other organs beyond that ominous heart. “I just wanted to spend time with you.” He shrugged, as if this was normal and an invasive and terrifying progression of his behavior.

“You- “spend time” with me by stalking me while I shower?”

“Is that wrong?”

Strangling, murder, disembowelment, decapitation, throwing a shower brush at him...Yeah, none of those will work. He would find all of those equally amusing and would leave you a bloody mess and still living Uvhash on your bathroom floor. Why do you have to deal with this again? What did you to deserve this? Whatever, take a deep breath and get him out.

“Uvhash.” You say in your sweetest voice straining with rage. “Please leave the bathroom.”

The corners of lips sink from a contented smile into a scowl, his eyes sharpening in protest at your apparently unreasonable request. “Wh-”

“Now.”

His shoulders heave in a sigh before he gathers his limbs and stands up, reluctantly turning to the door and giving you one last look- which you return with a glare and an aggressive point at the door- before exiting. Leaving in you privacy, finally. Hopefully.

You rush to dry yourself off, praying that he’s taken a hint and left your dorm entirely, and tightly wrap your towel around yourself. You wipe the steam off your mirror and stare at yourself. You thought back to your graduation; your tombstone sitting quietly, waiting patiently for your coffin to one day come be buried and stand as testament to your fight- one that would join thousands of others in the past and future in your sacrafice to try and erradicate the Dissolution that threatened to devour humanity.

Then, you thought of Uvhash; a golem created thousands of years ago for the purpose of bloodshed, never before having experienced human joys and whims- his memories only contain of boring days and nights spent in an arena, chained to his master where his happiest memories were ripping someone apart. You thought of his yellow eyes and the gaping hole in his chest that proudly displayed his heart, one of the most vital organs for a human, out in the open with seemingly no protection. He'd let you get close enough you could reach out and grab it, feel it beat in your palm, but maybe you shouldn't have even stood within arms reah of him, because he seemed to take it as invitation of sorts.

You didn't blame him, per se- not after having seen the moments before his first death- but still, the "gifts" he left at your window and doorstep have become increasingly concerning. At first it was little things like mice and birds, you didn't appreciate them and you told him that many times, but he never seemed to understand, or ignored you entirely. Then, it started being things like finger bones and teeth, at first they were old an ancient, and then they started having bits of rotted flesh and blood still on them.

You started wondering if he would ever leave a body at your door, or maybe you're just crazy. That would make you two a perfect pair, wouldn't it? A thousand year old, blood-loving golem and his human companion who has long since lost their mind due to his antics.

You really wish he would take to human courting customs.

Enough of that, you still have the issue of changing. If only you hadn't left your PJ's out in your room. Why didn’t you bring your pajamas in here with you? Why did you have to leave them out in your room? Then again, you weren’t expecting someone to break in. Taking a deep breath, you wrapped your hand around the cold, metal door knob and opened it.

For a moment, you didn’t notice anything. There was the one lamp you had turned on by the door, illuminating part of your room with warm, yellow light, fending off the shadows that lurked in the corners of your mind, and providing some much needed comfort. Your pajamas were resting on the otomen just a few steps away and Uvhash was nowhere to be seen.

Maybe he really did leave. You turn off the bathroom light and delicately step onto the plush carpet to your pajamas, one step, two steps, three steps and your pajamas are right in front of you.

“Are you changing?” Long, white hair falls into your vision as he reaches over to thumb the thin fabric. “It’s soft.” He says curiosuly and picks up the pajama shirt like he's going to inspect it further.

You shudder and snatch the shirt out of his hand, just barely keeping yourself from screaming again. “Can you please-”

“Fine, fine, I’ll turn around. You humans are always so sensitive.”

You bite your lip, some unspeakable emotion roiling in your stomach. You glance behind you, his long white hair covering his back and pooling around his feet like snow. You know Uvhash isn't stupid, despite the opinions others may have because of his more animalistic behavior, and you also know he isn't very familiar with modern human customs- or, human anything beyond what their bodies are made of- but something about this, about what he just said, about his sudden understanding of your want of privacy rubbed you the wrong way. Like maybe he was perfectly aware that hiding in your room like this wasn't acceptable.

"Could you…" He perks up slightly at your voice, invisble muscle shifting benath his transluscent skin. "Could you leave, actually?"

You eye your desk where the case of your key sits quietly, awaiting to be take n on a mission again and a reminder of every Awakener you've met and connected with.

"Going to use that thing again?" There's another shift, one you can't see, but you can feel. The air feels dense, it sits on your skin like a weight, there's a warning in the slight turn of his head, in the stillness of figure.

You bit your lip and slowly, silently, and uncomfortably slip the towel off and put on the silky pajamas. The cool fabric providing little comfort to you as you were accutely reminded of the being behind you.

“Okay.” You mumble, picking up the towel. You toss the towel into the hamper and hesitate for a moment before you reluctantly turn to the golem who is, predictably, watching you again.

"Um," You gesture at nothing, to his indifference. "Do you need something?"

He does nothing for a moment, and then his lips curl into a smile. "No."

You take a breath and nod, not sure what to do or what he wants. You could maybe call Ramona, or Doll, but you'd need to get the communicator first, and then you'd need to turn it on, and then one of them would need to actually pick up at this hour.

You scratch your head roughly. "So, why are you here?"

"I want to spend time with you."

You pinch the bridge of your nose. "Will you leave once you've done that?"

He considers for a moment, his eyes still never leaving your figure. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" You groan and rub your face before deciding to give up and walk over to your vanity to start your skin care routine and hopefully by then, he'd leave and if not, there is the emergency rope by your bed.

You watch Uvhash come up behind you as you shuffle in your seat, his golden eyes meeting yours in the mirror before moving down to your hands with mild interest. “Lotion?” He scrunches up his nose.

“Yes, Uvhash, do you have opinions on it?” You shoot a glare at him through the mirror, which he misses by a fraction of a second.

“You don’t need that stuff.” He blows a puff of air through his nose.

You ignore him and gather some of it on your fingers and bring it up to your face, but before it could touch your skin, his long, sharp fingers wrap around your wrist and pull it away as he leans in, his voice rumbling against your neck. “I said you don’t need it, it ruins your scent.”

You yank at your hand, trying to pry it out of his iron clad grip. "My scent? I don't care about that! That's not what it's for!"

Maybe he pulled you, or maybe you lost your balance, but either way your back hit his chest and his face was in full view. He doesn't have whites in his eyes, he has red, and sometimes it truly gives him the appearence of a demon. He stares at you for a long, long moment before you feel a finger trace over your jaw and his thumbs absently brush your lips and his voice came in a whisper. "I prefer you like this."

You stare at him in a stupor as his other hand slowly wraps around your throat, tilting your jaw up just enough for his lips to brush over your neck, his hot breath burning your skin as he licks a strip on your skin. He watches you in the mirror as he pushes you forward and your palms press flat against the vanity and he opens his mouth, unusually sharp canines pushing against your skin.

Every other sense seems to dull as more pressure coalesces into two points on your neck, the skin stretching, unwilling to break beneath his teeth and then, with one, small push, the tension breaks and his teeth sink into your flesh and you ease a sigh, relaxing into his grip as his teeth disappear in a budding stream of red that flows down your neck and chest, blossoming on your silken pajamas like spider lilies.

His white hair falls over your shoulders and cloaks over the two of you as your knees tremble and he curls over your slowly sinking figure, letting go of your wrist to instead hold your waist. You can feel his grin against your skin and see the glint in his eye as he watches you in the mirror, like a hunter watching the fawn he’s been wanting finally caught in his trap.

You can feel the heart in his chest beat against you as he pushes his teeth in deeper, drawing more streams of blood as his hand slips under your shirt and cradles a breast, his sharp nails digging in your skin, his hips pressed flush against your ass as a low groan reverberates in his throat.

He'd always said how much he wanted to taste your blood, but in a way it felt too ridiculous to take seriously in spite of his history. After all, this was the campus of Mythag University, plenty of Keepers and Awakeners were here- aside from your graduation day- this place was safe.

Now, as you watch him lick and suck at the freshly made puncture wounds and how you inexpicably find yourself leaning into it, beckoning him to continue with soft sighs and barely concealed little moans, you know you were wrong.

This place isn't a safe haven from harm, and it's not free from beastly whims, but maybe- you shudder as he leaves your neck and his hands slide down- maybe that's alright.

Just for one night.

[toomanytadpoles]

Redemption theroy

Durge only survived Orin's attack because of being a Bhaalspawn...or was it Bhaal implementing a system reboot. Maybe Orin attacking Durge was more Bhaal than whatever little but of her own will she has. She doesn't block the urges or can't like Durge could/can, and they can be very directed from Bhaal.

Withers says Bhaal only knows parts of Durge, the Urge part. So, was Bhaal was hoping to only bring back the Urge part because he has a backup copy in a way? What if that sort of worked. He can give you back memories where they hate Kethric and Orin, because he knows that part, because that's the part of him, the Bhaalspawn blood. BUT earlier memories before as a child come back only with a heal spell, he can't give those parts back, they have to be resorted from another source than him. He doesn't know those parts.

But you don't really have any memories of Gortash, because those are the ones Bhaal wanted you to loose. Maybe not because he could keep them from Durge in the reboot. But because he couldn't give them back because they were never from the Urge/Bhaalspawn side of Durge. Bhaal is just hate and destruction why would be able to know any legitimate loving part of Durge that wasn't based in malice. (Whatever his feeling for Durge I don't think it's real love, Durge is a vessel of his will, and Sceleritas Fel is a gaslighter or I think imprinting some his own feelings for his charge).

He wouldn't understand Durge's sadness in seeing what a truely loving father, Ketheric, would do for his child. He would only be able to give the sibling rivalry between Durge and Orin no softer moments between family that may have occurred. (You know the way you'd hang with your neice who is also your grand niece and might be the same age as you and somehow also your sister if Bhaal is the father of all Bhaalspawn, honestly blood kin in such a nice easy name for that family wreath of tree). And Gortash who was likely at the very least a true best friend (as historians might put it) doesn't have any hateful moments? Even running around doing probably very terrible things together besides the few BnEs and heists we know of, Durge liked Gortash back. But those feelings are from the regular part of Durge.

And that is why I think redemption or reject Bhaal is great. Bhaal sucks.

I don't think I said anything unique but it's 2am and I can't sleep...so this has happened...

[mrstellmeafuckingsecret]

wallytrix……

OKAY so i was gonna answer this last night but then it was 2am and i was studying and then school and then i took a nap but like whatevr I LOVE U oka so

tw brief mention of sh, dubcon and france. also like incest 🙀

ill make another post about this but since cygnus was only thirteen when bellatrix was born, i hc walburga raised her and adored her. andromeda came two years later and she raised her for a bit too, but she's only had the capacity to love one person at a time. bellatrix is four/fiveish when cygnus and druella graduate and she moves to france with them (narcissa's born after they've moved), but walburga checks in biweekly and bellatrix already calls her mum ,, and then when she's seven-ish, walburga's visits become less and less often till because she's pregnant, and after sirius is born she never visits except for occasions. (she coddles bellatrix a little more, but she has a new center of attention and it's awful.)

oh and for like the first eight-ish years of bellatrix's life she'd been in this tug of war between walburga and her parents, and then walburga just suddenly let go after raising bellatrix &her parents aren't as sweet as walburga and walburga always spoils bellatrix when she's there simply because she wants bellatrix to be fussy and bring her up when walburga's not there but like for bellatrix she misses her 24/7 and she's never been normal about her obsessions, ever. !! *

anyway so bellatrix's crush/obsession starts young, probably around that age, but she doesn't know it's that yet. she knows when she comes back after her first year at hogwarts (cygnus and druella moved to england) and she catches walburga changing and then she,,, keeps stalking her. and peaks in her shower. and she sticks to walburga every time sirius isn't in the room (rare) and goes back to sit in her lap and wants her to kiss her everywhere like she did when she was a baby but like she doesnt,,, "bella you're too old to be sitting in my lap" "bellatrix you're being childish" "bella you're not a baby anymore" , and it hurts but also like she kinda saw this coming. so she just tries to be very grown up and that also doesn't work. but yk what does work !? whenevr cygnus is dicky she goes to walburga and she 1. sets him in his place 2. comforts her and treats her gently so like fourteen yo bellatrix is slitting her wrists hoping walburga would kiss them better. and then she cuts other parts but walburga won't kiss them better ☹️

also little selfcest (?) moment when bella's like thirteen she's starting to realize how much she looks like walburga so she's constantly jerking off in front of the mirror 😟

. * even when bellatrix is older and walburga's let go, druella wants walburga to know bellatrix isnt hers and makes sure bellatrix is showing off every visit ("what book are you reading again? the OWL level one?" "i think you're mixing your japanese with mandarin, sweetheart, don't you know walburga doesn't speak japanese?") so druella knows what she lost and it's a way to get walburga's attention for bellatrix but walburga never pays any mind and bellatrix is strugglinggg.

anyway. sirius runs away and the only person happier than regulus is bellatrix . walburga's not exactly right after that, but she does prize bellatrix around like her own daughter and bellatrix can smell her underwear can sleep in her bed and shit and ermm walburga has a drinking problem and bellatrix takes advantage of that ,. it's very "ill make you feel so good" "i love you so much" kind of dubcon where she doesn't want to fully acknowledge what she's doing is wrong. anyway so they fuck a couple times &walburga is usually under the influence of something but she's. very dependent on bellatrix. and then regulus dies and she's completely sucked into her, then orion does and she's lonely and scared and needs bellatrix - but bellatrix's found a new obession (voldick!!!)

[mattstrahm]

ah but it's past 2am

diary posting again bc why wouldn't i be. i was so ill for most of november. here's some stuff on my mind.

first idk my blog looks so fucking sad with how little im posting and reblogging and i know this is on me because i don't follow enough sports blogs to feed this blog more, but finding new blogs to follow is such a nightmare. i've bitched and moaned about this before but wow it's hard. i really made a post in october complaining about the state of my blog and ellipsus not having curly apostrophes. ellipsus now has curly apostrophes but i've failed to do anything to fix the blog thing. oh well.

secondly i'm trying to put in place life changes creatively. i'm trying to think of a solution to doing dumb little ficlets/drabbles more often. i feel like i lost a really good outlet when i stopped doing twice a week drabble workshops on discord even tho it was 100% the right decision to quit. but the way i used to roll dice for pairings was really fun and pulling a 100 words out of my ass was great creative exercise. i miss that. i'm also doing a new thing for long form where i go in with a Real Plan. i know that sounds silly but listen... not a big planner lil ol me. and i don't know how it's gonna work out. it has enabled me to write out of order more which is fun, i don't really need to worry about it because i know i have a plan. and then as a third note i guess i hope to start painting again, like actually. getting paint to canvas.

thirdly (?????) yuletide thoughts. i am going back to calling what my family and i celebrate yule, it does make conversing with other people about the general time and holiday really complicated but what i do is yule. calling it christmas feels disingenuous bc christ is literally in the name but our celebration isn't religious, we exercise pagan traditions for it and i resigned from the church years ago... anyway. i feel like i wish i was more of a yule person and then every year i'm a little disappointed that that's not me. but then i do think i am for the first time in my life experiencing seasonal depression which is interesting, so i think that's kneecapping me too. i don't have any decor up, i had a phone call today with my mom about presents and i do have a buddy coming over which is exciting. i guess there's still time. i'll get my tree and shit out of storage and try.

fourth... i don't know. i haven't been watching sports at all which sucks a little but i've been holding a somewhat normal sleeping schedule which doesn't really... lend itself to USAmerican sports. but that's what i watch. i guess i am messing the sleeping schedule up right now considering it's nearly 3am, oopsie? i'm honestly too scared to watch sharks games again, mikke is showing that maybe love is enough in san jose and i'm terrified i'll open a broadcast and like his leg will fall off or some shit... (trust me im knocking on wood) so that's got me worried... i guess i'll look into the nfl schedule?

this won't make a difference to anyone who reads my tumblr posts but i am thinking i'm gonna start posting more about music i like on instagram (stories) and that's also exciting to me. that might be all though. uh thanks for coming to my diary talk again. love you. it's 3am now.

[psykheofthestars]

(Heads up, this post has a bunch of grammatical errors because I wrote it at 2am)

When Aurora woke up from her slumber, Dawn offered to abdicate the throne so that Aurora could rule but she immediately turned it down. She was never meant to be a ruler, from the beginning that was her brother's thing. Instead, Aurora is curious about the world around her! She wants to explore and make the best of her current situation. Sure, she lost everyone and everything that she had ever known but she wants to look to the bright side (as bright as her situation can be..) and explore. She wants to meet new people and help out with reconstructing the kingdom from the outside. Sure.. Her insistence to help people has caused a bit of mistrust before but all of that has been resolved.

She is also very creative with words, often creating some very interesting nicknames for her loved ones such as her beloved Prince Tomcat, Link! Another thing she's quite talented at is magic! As a descendant of Hylia and her hero, she's always had the trademark prophetic dreams and sacred power. Even though her father had insisted that she doesn't have to train those powers of hers, she insisted that it would be good to train them and that eventually lead to her playing around with other spells such as Nayru's Love, Din's Fire and Farore's Wind.

Aurora also loves meeting new people, easily worming her way into people's heart in a second. Even the people in this dark stage of the kingdom felt themselves warm up to the curious princess.

Aurora is optimistic often to a fault. The most prominent example of this would be when she fell asleep. She had thought that her brother would listen to reason that fateful day, she told herself that her brother was simply stressed because of his new found duties as a king. She had been so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't realise that the fuse was going off right under her nose and that eventually resulted in her curse, resulted in losing everything and everyone she ever loved. It's okay though, because she has her new things in the current era! She has friends like Link and Dawn and new places to explore and new places to see now! It'll all be okay if she thinks to the future!

Alright, that wraps up Aurora's mentality in the aftermath of Zelda II! She's curious, creative and optimistic but her wishes to simply look on the bright side will occasionally cause her to get burned. She may not be ready to admit it but she was traumatised by what had happend to her and I wanted to explore that as well as her shift between the two ages. She went from a happy and bright kingdom to a somber and just beginning to recover kingdom.

Now, I'm going to explore her relationships with Rulie and Dawn a bit.

So, as I said earlier, Aurora wants to explore the world that she's woken up to and thus she and Rulie began to travel together! They support each other through many things. Sometimes Aurora can't uphold her optimism anymore, her burns will flare up and she'll break. Rulie will be the hope to soothe those burns and smooth over the cracks. Sometimes Rulie's self doubt will get him down and Aurora's optimism will help him stand up again. Aurora's curiosity will leave her teetering over an abyss of darkness with a piece of knowledge that makes her think that she deserves to be sucked up by the darkness and Rulie will help her realise that no, you don't deserve to be sucked up by the darkness! They trust each other. Again, they uplift and support each other no matter what! The two are also some pretty big chaos gremlins. Remember, they're both a Link and a Zelda. They've got chaos built into their genes. They've definitely accidentally burnt a tree before with their fire spells (they thankfully didn't cause a huge fire because because Aurora Nayru's loved it until the fire went out).

(Can you tell I ship them?)

Aurora's relationship with Dawn is akin to 2 sisters. Aurora is willing to let out her problems to Dawn and Dawn shares some of her own as well! They both often look out for each other and make sure that the other is okay! If one isn't ready to share a problem then they'll assure them that jf they need help they'll always he there. They're both daughters of the royale bloodline and they understand the pressures of being in that role. Dawn is also a little protective of Aurora as well as Rulie. These two are the only people she's truly opened up to other then Impa, she trusts and loves them with her whole being so if anybody dared to hurt them then *cracks knuckles* you best believe your about to be throwing hands with the queen of Hyrule! Same thing with Aurora, harm Prince Tomcat or Madame "broke the triforce and sprend them across dungeons at 11 hears old" and you best believe that you're gonna get burned like that one tree! All in all, Dawn and Aurora are sisters through and through! Dawn is also the braincell sibling between the two. She is GENUINELY the definition of the tired older with her energetic little sister. Madame "broke the triforce and his the pieces throughout dungeons" can't really talk though, now can she? Lol, I feel like you can tell I have siblings from this.

I UNDERSTAND THE ASSIGNMENT. I UNDERSTAND THE LOVE WE HAVE DESPITE HOW TIRED WE CAN GET OF EACH OTHER! SIBLINGS RISE!!!!!!!

Thank you or reading my little post about how I perceive Aurora's personality as well as her relationships!!

[minibunz]

Not a horny ask but kinda wholesome(?)

I followed you because >:) JAZZ

But like, it's so easy to forget as a trans guy who's been out for a little while that we're like allowed to be sexy and fun and horny

I never see a lot of that in media or in groups I"m around and sometimes just don't let myself like,, exist in that way without giving myself shit for it(internalized transphobia ick) and going on tumblr and just seeing a dash full of hornyposts that like,, are unabashedly trans is healing to my soul. And also hot, but yeah

TLDR: Ur horny is watering my crops and feeding my dogs

(I know it doesn't really need to be said but no pressure to answer this or acknowledge it at all. It's just a nice thing I thought you may like to hear)

I’m,,,,oh my goodness anon 🥺 I hope you know how much this means to me like I’m tearing up in my kitchen at 2am and it’s not just bc this dbukbokki is spicy as fuck

It’s taken me a while to realize that as a trans guy I’m allowed to be sexy and horny quite vocally (on the internet) especially since just at the beginning of this year is when I realized I wasn’t a bisexual nb but a gay nb man so it’s been a lot of learning to still know I can be sexy and fun and horny despite what other people may think (transphobes/chasers/etc).

I’ll admit I’m still not 100% there. I’m in the middle of a downswing after top surgery- don’t get me wrong I’m so ecstatic I did this, but there’s other physical aspects that have changed that I personally have a hard time with (mostly weight but we can thank my mom for the ed) but in the end I know that what I’ve chosen is exactly where I’m meant to be

I also don’t see a lot of people like this in media and especially not my groups bc most of them,,,idk I have Styx who sucks my dick on the occasion but they’re kinda all I have in this arena. I know what it’s like to not see myself in these spaces while also dealing with internalized transphobia (thanks Christian school for 9 years & conservative fam).

I hope you know that you should absolutely say fuck it and be hot, sexy, fun, and horny where you want to be. I’ve been trying to do that more and honestly,,,it’s kinda fun xD I also just like to talk a lot as you can tell so I just live post my thoughts

TLDR;anon I love you please be unabashedly trans and horny and sexy and I’m sorry for the word vomit

[a-random-weeb]

Hi i saw today is the last day you will accept requests for the event, so i hope i make it 🙏

Name: Maria

Height: 5'5

Eye color: Dark brown

Hair color: Black

Personality: I feel like i'm slowly starting to be less shy, but i'm still a little awkward when i meet new people. Once i feel like i can trust someone, i do start to talk about myself more and sometimes about my family. I'm loyal and trustworthy like if we're super close, i'll always be there for you. I love making jokes and overall i'm a pretty calm and easygoing person. It's not that easy to make me mad or annoyed, but when i do i usually get over it quickly. Unless you went too far or something, then i'd most likely ignore you for a while. I kind of have a messed up sleep schedule, but i try not to wake up too late. The latest i wake up is 10am, and the latest i sleep at is at 1 or 2am. I just like staying up listening to music or watching funny videos on youtube.

Hobbies: listening to music, playing video games, finding new hairstyles to try, cooking new recipes, dancing and watching youtube videos.

I would like general relationship headcanons with Dazai please! Tysm btw ❤️ (sorry if this sucks, im not that good at describing myself).

ah, you're a little late for the event but it's ok! You can be my last request for this event.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

•Game nights together are very common

•Hes a total asshole when he wins

•he always wins strategy games 😭

•If you're really good at video games, he'll get really competitive, not to mention he's a little shit about it

•He loves how hard it is to make you angry, that way he can continue his weird ass shenanigans

•If you ever do get mad over something, he knows he screwed up...

•(And he'll even let you 'punish' him if you now what I mean 🤭😉)

•He really doesn't like when you ignore him (Pro tip: don't give anyone the silent treatment for more than a few hours, it's WAY to popular to do it as a prank or something, but it's actually incredibly hurtful and I don't think it's ever ok. (In my very much unprofessional opinion that is, do what you want with this information of my UNPROFESSIONAL opinion))

•He lives for your cooking

•I feel like he's obsessed with helping you do your hair

•He thinks your incredibly hot, especially with the French braid he put in your hair

•He totally learns to do hair just so he can do your hair

•He loves your face when you see how pretty you look with any new hairstyle

•You two totally have just-dance nights

•You both dance til midnight, then pass out cuddling on the couch, those are some of your favorite nights.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The event is over, I just haven't finished getting everyones request out so...

[wolfcake101]

headcanon time or smth

it may be 2am but im sorry i looooooove spark and winston's dynamic bc like. spark is normally so violent yeah? like, kind of morally grey but overall just terrifying and unpredictable

"yeah i dont really like anybody OH but there's this one little guy. this one little silly goobie woobie. he's my favorite person to exist ever and if you dont clap for him rn im going to drop a piano on you"

winston is like, spark's closest bestie and emotional support. usually she tries not to like, say this just outright bc she doesn't want to show vulnerability but she really loves winston's company. and she does show a lot more softness than usual since she trusts him so much

okay ima go resume my snork mimi....hope my headcanons dont like. suck

[sisyphus-prime]

DJMM or moon or sun

Oh uhhh

DJ

First impression - oh my god it's so big what the FUCK. That's actually terrifying, I still have hopes for this game. Wouldn't it be fucked if it was free in the main hall.

Impression now - DJ has literally no right to be this big. The coolest thing in this shitty game and so underutilized. What a freaky giant who just wants to party. Was it even affected by the virus shit, I bet not.

Favorite moment - walking into the arcade and seeing this giant ass thing. Visually sleeping with breathing movements, oh my god. Why does it need to sleep, I dunno, I love it <3. Probably immediately followed by it disappearing off stage when you flip the switch. What the fuck.

Idea for a story - maybe addressing the level of neglect this thing has. Look at it. Absolutely filthy. How old are you, why did no one clean you. Is no one cleaning your fucked up tunnel system. Are you a burnt husk now, actually, wait, i want one of those silly "we took the burnt animatromo and fixed it, now we live in the same house hehe, self insert silly" But with this fucking guy. The whole guy, lmao, he's as big as a house how do you hide that

Unpopular opinion - most humanizations suck. If you're gonna be all <3 over it, you can at least be all <3 over the giant enemy spider and not some hunk with 4 arms.

Favorite relationship - I think it would be buddies with Chica :)c. The issue is the only thing that mentions it is freddy. Which yay friends, but i think freddy is friends with everyone

Favorite headcanon - seriously impaired vision from lack of maintenance. Can't see details well, vague shapes. While stalking Gregory, if Monty is all messed up, it probably doesn't even know he's in there.

Moon

First impression - what the fuck, freak moments :D

Impression now - what the fuck, freak moments, and fanon has it wrong :D

Favorite moment - when I was playing, I was so fucking lost. It appearing on top of the bridge when I had to rush to the last generator was so fucking stressful. I'm a little bitch with horror, and it was 2am

Idea for a story - maybe an incident that led to thr daycare being on at all times. That's such an energy drain, it had to be major.

Unpopular opinion - it won't fuck you. Also it isn't evil.

Favorite relationship - it should be friends with chica :)

Favorite headcanon - it isn't seperate code from the daytime routine, but it functions on an entirely different runtime. So, you couldn't seperate them, and they can't communicate directly.

---

Sun

First impression - oh I bet lady sun person. Looks like a fun poster :)

Impression now - what the fuck, freak time, and fanon has it wrong :D

Favorite moment - SECURITY ALERT, SECURITY ALERT [slides down slide] WOOWOOWOOWOOO

Idea for a story - it's clearly not doing great with the kids, can we address the really bad job it does

Unpopular opinion - it is not your golden retriever boyfriend, it's a fucking chihuahua that's gonna risk wearing itself out from how much anxiety it has

Favorite relationship - guess what, I think it should be BESTIES with chica.

Favorite headcanon - it was written SECOND in the code systems, technically making it the younger half of the ai. It does consider itself a younger sibling. Moon doesn't consider it a sibling.

[tdcloud]

this is real af and because i always go through this (i'm 12 books in) i have a rule that i'm not allowed to say "i hate this" until i'm AT LEAST 2/3 through the draft. and at that point it doesn't even fucking matter because i'm 2/3 through and too far in to stop now so i may as well finish it and then fix it in revisions.

the devil loves to speak to you at that halfway mark AND at 2am in hopes of convincing you that you suck. you don't, you're just human and lost in the sauce.

I hate I when I get an idea for a novel. Like oh no here starts the slow sad slip n’ slide to dissapointment again.

[virgovision95]

The roaring 20s review

At 24 I thought I had all my plans figured out

I just started grad school

I ended a 3 year relationship

24 was going to be all about me

(It wasn't)

24 felt like the lost years of everything Id ever known

Grad school was exhausting

I was working 30-40 hour weeks on top of that

Drinking every weekend to forget my ex

Until one day I was graduating and working a 9-5

The cycle felt never ending

Each year Id tell myself "after this week it'll get easier"

Im 29 now, the ease never came

My 20s have been hyper focused on the weekends

Or what guy is giving me attention this month

Feels pathetic to admit

I remember feeling so confused and so sad

Hoping one day someone would just come save me

A decade of waiting has passed

And I have not been "chosen"

When I was 10 I told my grandma that my "dream" was to be married with 2 kids by the time I was 25

Guess how that went....

My 25th birthday was spent at bar and my bed at 2am with McDonald's and a broken nail (ouch)

My childhood self was sold this fake dream

My 20s were spent chasing it, chasing the impossible

So I have felt like a failure

I have let that 10 year old down

But again.... why at 10 was my dream a husband?

And KIDS? AT Ten years old? That was my dream?

Devastating...

If I was trying to fulfill something I couldn't possibly get

Maybe my 20s were a reality check

Time to figure it all out (at least some part out)

At 20 I learned Im not invincible

At 21 I learned I can't trust everyone

At 22 I learned some friendships wont last

At 23 I learned some people wont like you

At 24 I learned drinking and starving wont cure my pain

At 25 I learned some people will use you

At 26 I learned some bosses just suck

At 27 I learned I can get new bosses

At 28 I learned to how to survive all on my own

At 29 I learned home is wherever I make it

A decade of lessons and I will still be learning

I hope this nee decade allows me to live

Live without pursuit of a fake dream

Life without trying to prove myself to anyone

I deserve a decade of peace

A decade of love and happiness

30s full of friends, family, and safety

My dear 20 year olds

Your 20s are going to kick your ass

I was knocked down year after year and am so glad Im still standing

I needed the kick, I needed the growth

I needed to see my worth through my own eyes

To 10 year old me

Im sorry things were so hard for you this decade

I wish I could've protected you more from the sadness

From the pain of losing your friends

From the loss of your innocence that is fading more and more

From the men that have belittled your confidence and glow

The misuse of your mind and body to fulfill lustful intentions for the false promises of love

I wish I would've given you more self love and validation

Reminded you all you are worth

Given you knowledge and friendships to feed your soul

You are more than a body

You deserve everything you have ever wanted

As I close out my 20s this year

Thank you to my ex

Man, you sucked, but in the best way, its made me so great now

Thank you to the friendships Ive lost

I never forgot any of you, I miss some of you dearly still

Thank you to the men who mistreated me

You broke me into a million pieces, you stole my hope for love, and yet Im still hopeful, and Im still rebuilding, and you will never get a piece of me again

Thank you to the friends that have lasted

You keep my spirit alive, you keep my heart so full

And thank you to myself

For staying strong through it all, it doesn't get easier, but you just keep getting stronger

20s review: 4 out of 5 stars

[gara-les]

had thoughts about Rainer and Belle/Tiara in my interpretation.

(i even mention Ghost Rainer)

the long and short of it is that...Post-Belle's Rebirthing Attempt, their relationship got Complicated.

pre-Rebirthing Attempt (and also before Mike died), Belle saw Rainer as "Mike's big brother and creator of a real nifty puzzle video game :)" while Rainer viewed them as "Mike's best friend, and that one first grader in Marvin's music class that he seems to hate with a passion (though when has he ever liked any of the kids he teaches?)"

when Mike dies, things start changing. Belle is...not doing too hot (Rainer's not either, obviously). it's like they're...a different person. it doesn't help that just now are people treating them relatively nicely (previously people were either mildly intimidated by them or interacted with them with some level of annoyance).

Belle feels like a piece of them is straight up gone. they'll never be That Version Of Themself again.

is it any wonder, then, that they seemed intrigued by the offer to effectively BECOME someone else? (ignoring that the person who was offering this was uh. Their Music Teacher Who They Hate.)

over the course of several months (September 1995-May 1996), Belle would stick around at The School afterhours, trying to go through Whatever The Fuck It Was Marvin Was Doing to turn them into Tiara (someone who was kinda similar to Belle in personality, and thus it would've made Belle feel less nervous about the transition between who they were and Tiara) while Rainer was also there helping. and while the pain Marvin inflicted onto them (physical and emotional) did suck, he'd convinced them that it was all going to be worth it.

then Belle's rebirthing "fails."

Marvin brands them a "quitter" for *checks notes* Asking A Guy Having A Panic Attack If He Was Alright (< guy in question was Rainer). he ends up striking them with an object, but they held up their arm to shield their face, and this would end up scarring their forearm. they run off in the confusion, and go to their foster parents at the time's house.

and all they know is that Rainer was involved. sure, they're pretty sure Rainer didn't really understand what exactly was being done until it was far too late to back out...but that doesn't change the fact that he still helped in their eyes. but the thing is that Paul has more positive memories surrounding Rainer, so Belle is aware of that sort of situation: the very person who hurt them was someone who helped alleviate the pain of someone who went through something similar to them. so it's a situation of "I accept your apology, but I don't forgive you." Belle also kinda wants to kick Rainer's ass a bit, and Petscop 12 didn't help too much, but that's neither here nor there- (Belle kinda views Marvin as a much bigger problem, anyway)

Rainer, meanwhile, feels guilt surrounding what happened to Belle, but...he doesn't really think there's a way to fix it, nor does he think he deserves Belle's forgiveness (which y'know, he wouldn't anyway, but i think you get my meaning here: even if Belle were willing to forgive him, he'd feel that he doesn't deserve it). because Rainer certainly doesn't forgive Marvin for what he did, and he knows Paul and Belle don't either. so it sorta manifests in Petscop 12: him both being apologetic towards them but also doing the whole "If you hadn't given up halfway" thing. he's trying to get Belle to hate him more, kinda like he hates himself for what happened. it's a mess.

hope this makes any sense, it's late where i'm at, but anyway: Rainer and Belle are neat, and i like to think about what they probably think of each other based on how i interpret Petscop :]

hello i got this at like 2am sorry but I Agree with This and i think their relationship is so unfortunate. if they werent doomed by the narrative (narrative meaning marvin) they probably could have had a close bond. i think the fact that they love all the same people would have definitely made them close or at least have a lot respect for each other. maybe if they spent some time apart they could have reconciled. too bad one of them is dead. partly because of the guilt they felt when thinking about the other. i also like how you bring up that rainer was Trying to get belle to dislike him bevause thats how i see it too. shes smart though, im sure she could figure him out. not that that would change a whole lot. i dont think belle hates rainer per se, but rainer probably thinks she does. perhaps an inevitable misfortune. i think about them. a lot… very interesting

[duckolium]

Probably not the best place to say something like this, especially at 2AM, but I feel like I just need to get my words out there because I am exhausted and want to rant.

This post is gonna delve into some personal, emotional, and political stuff, so if that's not what you want to think about right now, don't feel bad about scrolling past.

I was born in 2006 directly into both an economic recession and an abusive family. I've had autism and have very likely been a system my entire life and because of it was bullied from preschool all the way until 2020 when COVID hit America and we all went online. Even if everyone forgot I had existed at that point, the lasting depression from the bullying has continued until today. In August of 2024, I finally moved away from my family to be with people I really care about, and who care about me. But of course, as soon as I get a taste of genuine freedom, a Nazi dictator is elected as president. Even if the votes were rigged, it still can't be forgotten that there was a very notable amount of people who chose to vote for a man who would ruin the lives of everyone, including themselves, over a person who would've kept our economy high and made life in America at least a little fairer for everyone.

My question is, when does this cruelty from people end? I have fought my entire life just to be able to exist, and now the whole nation is threatened.

I've held onto a thought since I was little, even if I didn't really realize it at the time, that genuine peace and freedom just can't exist for me. No matter what I do, no matter what happens, the moment I lift myself an inch from the ground I'll get beaten back down again. On top of that, I have a deeply seeded belief that humanity is a blight on the planet and society as a whole is a blight on humanity. The recent events have done nothing but strengthen all of those beliefs.

I don't know, I wish I had something more insightful or hopeful to say, but I really don't. Life sucks and has always sucked. I'm constantly a few missteps away from committing suicide, my antidepressants do nothing for me, and I can't afford therapy. I'm trying to get a job, but I'm sure you know how terrible recent American job hunting is. Thankfully, my roommates can afford rent and bills and all that, but it doesn't make me any less of a leech for being here and not being able to hold my weight.

I'm just tired, man. I hear everyone say it can get better, but can it really? My brain is horribly and permanently fucked up, we're living through a fascist takeover, and getting a job to numb myself is practically impossible.

All that being said, I don't think I'm really going to commit suicide or anything. I doubt I could hurt my closest friends like that even in my worst state, but I don't know. I don't know how desperate I could get. I hope I never get to that state, but it feels like there's always a part of me that's already there.

Like I said, I'm just tired. I'm tired of everything.

Not an obligation in any way, but if you're reading this and would like to support me financially at all, you can find T-shirt designs by me here:

Or you can support me directly through PayPal at @Duckolium. Anything helps, even if it's just a couple cents.

If you're all the way down here, thanks for reading this. I appreciate it, and sorry if it got you down or worried at all. All I ask is that you not waste your time or energy on me. I already have a small community who tries to help keep me stable, so I don't want or need psychological help from internet strangers. Thanks for reading, and have a good night.