#it hurts my back and my joints and it takes me forever and it's always stupid bright outside and i hate kicking the rakes and it's never

[skrunksthatwunk]

jumpscared by least favorite seasonal chore

[hockeyboysimagines]

Summer Heat

Pairings: Matt Rempe x Female reader

I know I said I’d never write for him, but I’m trying something new for the new year. He’s grown on me, and I wanted to shake up my blog a little bit. Please be nice. I’m treading unfamiliar waters here.

Let me know what you guys think!

Warnings: Drug consumption(weed), mentions of drinking, skinny dipping, nudity, kissing, sex, references to sex

The music was pounding so loud it was making your chest hurt as you made your way through the house, sidestepping a puddle of liquid you hoped was alcohol and left the kitchen. Sweaty bodies of people you’d known for years were laughing, dancing, toasting and doing keg stands in every corner of the room and you smiled a little as you watched it.

Summer was arguably the best time of the year here at home. Everyone was suddenly free of plans and responsibilities, and parties erupted at the drop of a hat. What had started as a casual hangout with just a few people had evolved into a rager and you were having a great fucking time.

“Hey!” You turned in time to receive a giant ass slap from Darcy, your best friend as she came up behind you “I’ve been looking for you for ages. Where were you?”

“In the bathroom…” you trailed off, reaching in your pocket and glancing over your shoulder as you pulled out a joint, twirling it between your fingers “Wanna take a walk.”

“Hell yeah I do come on.” She followed you out the back door and off the deck, weaving in and out of people and heading past the rows of cars till you reached your own and the two of you huddled behind it.

You gripped it between your fingers as she flicked the lighter and lit it. The embers glowed bright orange in the darkness as you took a drag, inhaling and handed it to her so she could do the same. As she took her own hit and blew out the cloud of smoke you heard a voice.

“DEA hands up.”

You both turned, joint still in her hand and came face to face with a waist, eyes moving up till they landed on a face. A familiar face.

Matt Rempe.

“Damn. I think you got taller.” You said with a small laugh and a cough.

“Nah that’s just the weed talking.” He said with a chuckle, stretching an arm out and tapping his fingers together at the blunt. Darcy passed it to him and let out a long exhale of smoke.

“I didn’t know you were back.” She said glancing over at you.

Your relationship with him was weird. While you were pretty good friends, it had always been on the verge of something else. It would become intensely flirtatious for several days and then fizzle out. Each time it happened it got flirtier and filthier than the last and Darcy swore this time was when it was going to blossom, and then nothing happened. When he returned home, and you saw him again, both of you acted like it never happened the next time you saw him. It wasn’t even a situationship. More like a flirtationship. You’d never even kissed the guy, though you wanted to, but at this point it had been going on since highschool and it was getting a little bit old. Either he liked you or he didn’t, but days of flirting and then nothing at 22 was just annoying. After the last time, in which several photos and vulgarities had been exchanged and then he faded out of your life, again, you swore to Darcy over a Vodka Cranberry, that you were done with him romantically, sexually and flirtatiously forever. Realistically though, the three of you had the same circle of friends so it wouldn’t be possible to avoid him forever. Sooner or later you would have to see him. You had just hoped it wouldn't be this soon.

“Yeah aren’t you supposed to be in jail or something?” You said with a snarky smile. You weren’t saying it to be funny. You were saying it to be rude and Darcy knew it based on the small giggle she let out. You weren’t about to tell him you’d been keeping tabs on his season, but you had. He’d made quite the impression when he hit the NHL and it was impossible to not see him all over the internet. You would be lying if you hadn’t watched him fighting online multiple times. Even if he lost, it was totally hot.

But you would never EVER tell him that.

“Nah they can’t catch me.” He mumbled, joint between his lips as he took a drag. He blew out the smoke glancing up at the sky and then at you “So what’s up with you? I haven’t heard from you in like 5 months.” He swatted an ash off the end of it before he handed it back to Darcy.

“Maybe there’s a reason for that.” You said crossing your arms. Darcy glanced between you and cleared her throat, extinguishing the end of the joint and putting it in her pocket.

“I need to pee. I’ll be back…later.” She sent you a small smile and an arm squeeze as she walked past you “Good to see you Matt.” She called over her shoulder as she made her way up the front yard.

“So?” He asked again “What’s up?” He was looking at you expectantly and you weren’t really sure what he wanted. He knew why he hadn’t heard from you, he just wanted to hear you say it.

You shrugged “Nothing really. Just doing my own thing.”

He frowned “So that means we can’t talk?”

“No. It just means that I’m not waiting around for your week of flirting and dirty talk and then nothing anymore. I’m too old for that and it’s getting tiring.”

He looked clueless “I didn’t know it was a problem. And what dirty talk?” He said with a chuckle.

You rolled your eyes “It’s not. But either you like me or you don’t at this point. And come on. How is “I’m going to bend you over and fuck you stupid” not dirty talk?”

Even in the darkness you could see his face turn red and he coughed “Do you think I would flirt with you if I didn’t like you? That’s dumb.” He said leaning down so he was almost at eye level with you.

“Nice aversion. Yeah? Then I guess I’m dumb.” You turned away, annoyed, but he caught you by the elbow, and turned you back around.

“Woah whoa whoa. Why didn’t you just like…ask me.” He was smiling a little “If you wanted to know that’s all you had to do. I thought we could talk about stuff like that.”

“I don’t know. I just felt like if you did you would have made it clearer than just random flirting now and again. You’ve been home. You never made a single attempt to get together while you were here and now you’ve just appeared at a party and I didn’t even know you were home.”

He nodded “Okay. That’s fair. Sorry I guess I just didn’t think you wanted anything out of it.”

“And if I did?” You said raising your chin “Want something?”

He glanced down at your feet and then all the way up, before his eyes landed back on your face and realization lit his eyes up like a lightbulb. Talk about dumb. You leaned forward a little bit, motioning for him to come closer. His lips were almost touching yours when you leaned your head back and stepped away from him, pulling your elbow from his grip.

“I think I’m going to go swimming.” You turned on your heel, making your way down to the lake as quickly as possible to beat him there, knowing he was following, but also forgetting he was a real life giraffe and would likely be right on your heels.

“Wait hey what-“ he called from behind you, but you weren’t waiting around for him to question you further.

You hurried down the crude rock steps, the only sound being the music as it grew more faint and the slap of your flip flops against the ground as you neared the water. It was probably terribly cold, and there was nothing sexy about lake water, but it would have to do for now. Your entire body felt hot and sweaty and you needed to cool down. Plus you had almost kissed him and then chickened out so you needed to actually go swimming now to cover it up and make it seems like you were being coy. The weed had kicked in by now and the edges of your brain felt fuzzy as you neared the water, a haze coming down over your eyes and in an instant your chi was centered and you felt relaxed enough to let your guard down.

As you reached the edge, and kicked your shoes off you turned to find him halfway down the bank.

“Hey how are we going to go swimming if-“ but the words died on his tongue as you looked him in the eye and pulled your shirt over your head and kicked your shorts off, leaving you completely naked. He stood open mouthed, frozen mid step as his eyes loved all the way down to your feet and back up.

“Answer your question?” You called as you hurried into the water, praying to every god imaginable that no one else had seen you besides him. You made it a point to only be naked in front of a limited number of people and as Darcy had seen you naked countless times, and now Matt, two people at one party was enough. The water was frigid and the only thing that kept you from screaming was the fact that your body was on fire from the near kiss and your strip show just seconds prior. What was in that joint. Whatever it was disappeared as the shock of the cold water had sent you straight back into sobriety.

You were already chest deep in the water by the time he reached the waters edge and you turned your back while he undressed, scrunching your eyes shut from the cold before turning around to find he’d paused, shirt half off.

“So you rip your clothing off and then don’t want to watch me do the same? What gives?”

“It’s not fair that you get a great view and I get an average one now is it?” You said turning away from him, legs kicking under the water.

He made a noise of indignation from the bank and then mumbled something too quiet for you to hear. You heard him wade into the water but didn’t turn around until the splashing quieted. When you did, he was waist deep watching as you swam around.

“I can’t figure you out.” He said after a moment, moving forward a little bit.

“What’s the figure out?” You tipped your head back and closed your eyes, gently moving your legs so you were almost floating. The water in your ears was drowning out the music from the party behind you, and the moon was shining down on the water, catching each ripple as it came off of your body moving gently in the water.

“Well I don’t know but you almost just kissed me up there, stripped, now you won’t even look at me. Is this a test?” He asked wading in deeper. He looked confused and for a second you almost felt bad but then you remembered your whole relationship with him was confusing and the pity went away.

“If it was you’d be failing.”

He was closer now, almost up to his shoulders in the water, circling around you like a shark “So you like me right?”

“What makes you think that?” You asked turning to watch him as he made his way in a circle. You stayed low in the water, the end of your ponytail just touching the surface, careful to keep all your vital parts covered.

He looked down at the water and then back up and smiled “I mean. You are naked under there so.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Your legs were burning from treading water and you were hopeful the slimy thing that had just touched your ankle was a fish. Playing coy naked and cold was no easy feat “Darcy’s seen me naked before. That doesn’t make you special.”

“Really?” He said appreciatively eyebrows raised “But you didn’t almost kiss her….wait. Did you?

You shrugged and made a face “I’ll never tell.” As you turned to swim away, you felt an arm slide around your waist and hold you in place. He wasp ressed against you from behind, and any chill you had was gone now. He slid a hand across your waist, and turned you to face him.

The kiss was slow, wet, sloppy and a little bit awkward as he pulled you closer, wet hands and limbs sliding against eachother as you wrapped your arms around him, pulling yourself up to reach him. Kissing him was weird after the build up over the years. Though it was all your expected it to be, you felt like things just weren’t right.

After a moment he pulled away, and looked down at you, eyebrows furrowed.

“That was-“

“Yeah.” You answered, arms still around his shoulders. He had a large hand on either side of your waist and he chewed on his lip.

“Should we try again? You know. For science.”

You giggled and then shivered a little but nodded “Okay. For science.”

When he kissed you again, it was different. It was like you’d figured eachother out now, mouths fitting together perfectly. You gripped the hair that was wet and stuck to his neck, as he ran his tongue along your lower lip. You felt like the water was boiling as his hands moved lower down your back, moving beneath the water to slide under your legs and hoist you up.

Your heart was hammering but before you could do anything further, a sudden breeze reminded you that you were now half out of the water and completely naked.

“Uhm. I’m committing a crime here. It’s called indecent exposure.” You whispered against his mouth. He glanced down and smiled.

“I’d say that’s pretty decent.” He set you down and glanced around to make sure you were still alone.

“Let’s…get out of here. I’ll get your clothes.”

You sank lower in the water and took a large, deep breath eyes closing.

You knew what was coming, and the anticipation of it was making you shiver, or maybe that was the water, or even the weed which you had hoped would chill you out but it hadn’t. Either way you needed a towel, a blanket and a cold drink asap.

“Coast is clear.” He motioned for you to get out and held up his shirt so you could slip your bra and shorts back on and extended a hand to pull you up the bank.

The air still had a little chill in it in mid June as you followed along behind him silently, teeth chattering for a few moments before you asked “Where are we going?”

“I’m not sure honestly” he said with a small chuckle and a glance over his shoulder “We could leave I guess. Go somewhere.”

“We can’t go to my house.” You said shaking your head “No boys allowed, and I’m not doing anything in there.” You pointed at the house behind you. You’d accidentally walked in on two hookups before he got there, once in a bedroom and one in the bathroom and while you hoped it had been great for both of them, you didn’t want to be on the other end of that.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes “We’re in our 20s. It’s supposed to be easier to find places to hook up not harder.” He turned to face you now, resting a hand on either shoulder and looked down, running his thumb across your collarbone “We can drive to my apartment, but it’s like 40 minutes from here.”

“Can you wait that long?” You asked arching an eyebrow.

He smiled slowly “No.” He said as he pinned you against the side of the car, hands everywhere as he kissed you heavily. You couldn’t breath, your skin was hot and your shorts were wet in a way that had nothing to do with the lake water you’d never dried off.

“My car. Let’s go to my car.” You gasped out pointing to it and giving him a nudge. You realized then that you were still wearing only a bra and your shorts were unbuttoned and you were standing way out in the open, making out against someone’s car. He leaned around you to look at it, a 4 door Honda and scoffed.

“There’s no way I’m fitting in that backseat.” He said shaking his head “No way.”

“Uhmmmmmm.” You looked around “What about that backseat?” You pointed at Darcy’s SUV that you knew was unlocked. She would let you use it if it meant you were getting laid and she wouldn’t get mad.

And even if she did, you’d get it detailed for her.

“Who’s car is that?” He asked as you pushed him towards it.

“Does it matter? Who cares just get inside.”

“Okay damn.” He said pulling the door open and holding it for you to leaned down and pull the seats down. You felt your shorts slipping down your legs, and you were sure the strap of your thong was hanging out the top of them, so you hoped he was enjoying the show. As you struggled with the lever, you felt him grab either side of your hips and pull you back a little so your ass was against his front. You gasped and jumped, bumping your head on the car door frame, as one of his hands splayed across your lower back.

“What is this?” You half turned to find him staring down at your lower back.

The tattoo

You’d forgotten all about the collection of little flowers that had been inked across the skin of your lower back, right above your thong line.

He glanced between it and you several times before he gave you a push “Get in the car.”

You crawled inside to pull the other one down, and he was on you before you had time to completely pull the lever. You went flying backwards as the lever released and he pushed you back at the same time. Lips moving feverishly against each others he moved over top of you as you backed yourself up to the trunk. The carpet was already giving you rug burn on your elbows. You felt something soft brush against your shoulder and pulled yourself away to glance over.

You giggled “Look at this. She even has a blanket.”

“She’s gonna be the best soccer mom like maybe ever.” He said pushing his hair out of his eyes as you quickly laid it out behind you and turned back to him. He pushed himself up, hissing in pain when he hit his elbow on the back tire casing, before heaving himself forward, foot hitting the seat. He looked annoyed as he finally got comfortable and focused his attention back on you.

He leaned forward, hand sliding over your shoulder to grip the back of your neck and pull you forward. He’s gained some confidence now and any awkwardness there was before was gone. His weight came down on you as he kissed you again, tongue pushing right into your mouth this time. He ground his pelvis into yours causing you to gasp against his mouth, and let out a tiny noise of surprise. He slid a bra strap down your shoulder, long fingers sliding pleasantly across your skin. As you leaned up to move your mouth across the underside of his jaw you were pulled immediately back down.

“Wait your on-my hair hang on-“ you said tapping his elbow.

He moved up and cracked the top of his head on the window with a loud smack “Ow Jesus CHRIST.” He growled frustratedly rubbing the spot as he fell forward, his weight collapsing on you and knocking the wind from your lungs.

You huffed in annoyance, eyes finding his in the darkness “This isn’t working.”

“Your right. We’re gonna have to find a bed.”

“If there’s one you can fit in. Move over, let’s try this.” You wiggled out from under him, taking the opportunity to kick your shorts completely off and pushed him backwards by the shoulders, swinging a leg over him so you straddled his midsection.

He leaned backward, hands coming up to rest on your thighs and glanced upwards. You raised yourself upwards a few times to ensure that your head wouldn’t hit the ceiling before your eyes moved down his torso.

“Take this off.” You breathed out, tugging at the hem of his shirt. He was bigger, broader than he had been since the last you’d seen him, and you needed to examine every inch. He had always been long and lanky, but over the course of his season away muscle had started to pad his frame.

He leaned upwards and pulled his shirt over the back of his head, tossing it to the side and leaning up to kiss the underside of your jaw, mouth leaving a wet trail down your neck to your collarbone. His body felt hot against yours and he slid both his hands up your legs to your waist. You fumbled, hands shaking, with the button and the zipper on his shorts, finally springing them open and yanking them down, tossing them playfully at him. He smiled and propped himself up on his elbows to watch you as you kissed the base of his throat, and made you way down his upper body. You glanced up and leaned down, leaving a wet open mouth kiss on his abdomen, never breaking eye contact as you pulled the waistband of his boxers down agonizingly slow.

“Jesus.” He said throwing his head back against the floor of the cargo hold with a soft thump. You pulled them off, over his legs and tossed them in the front seat, making a mental note of where they landed so Darcy didn’t find them later.

“My turn.” He said snapping the band of your thong. You glanced down.

“How are you gonna get those off? You can’t sit up.”

He looked around and frowned “Fuck.” He let his head fall backwards and his hands fell to his sides “I hate this car. You do it. But do it really slow.”

You rolled your eyes and pulled yourself up and slid them slowly down your legs till they were at your knees and looked up.

He was staring at them, lips pursed, eyes squinted for several seconds before he looked up at your face “Just you wait till I get us to a bed.”

A soft laugh escaped your lips as you wiggled them off and made your way back up.

The windows in Darcy’s SUV had started to fog up and you were glad she’d parked so far from the house because the amount of movement the car would be doing in a few minutes would be a dead giveaway as to what was happening inside.

A shiver went from your neck to your lady parts as you swung a leg over him, positioning yourself over him, You took a deep breath, pushing up on your knees before sinking down on him. The sensation of him inside you made your stomach flip sideways and stars explode across your vision for a split second. Your head fell backwards, hair spilling down your back as you braced a hand on the window. You let out a gasp, eyes closing and head falling forward as you lifted yourself up and did it again, going deeper this time. His eyes were closed, fingers gripping the skin on your hips tightly. You began to move up and down, the stretching sensation between your legs was almost overwhelming as you moved slowly. You placed a hand on his lower stomach to steady yourself and he opened his eyes to look up at you as you rocked your hips forward, the other hand braced on the window.

It was a long slow drag of friction that was almost overwhelming. The burn in your abdomen was unbearable, heat pooling in between your legs as you moved up and down. A thin sheen of sweat had appeared on his chest and your back as the air inside the car became thick and heavy, cold and hot, and your breath could be seen with every movement. Your legs and arms felt heavy, but you weren’t done yet.

“Tired?” He asked, sitting up slightly to palm your lower back.

You nodded and leaned forward on him, using the close proximity to thread your fingers through his hair and tip his head up to kiss you. He put a hand on either side of your waist and pulled you up and then back down, his own hips moving up to meet yours.

You let out a low moan as he did it again, hitting a new even deeper angle than before, digging your nails into the skin on the back of his neck. He moved his mouth across your chest, lips pressing lightly against your sternum as he helped you move up and down his length faster. Your breath caught in your throat as he pulled your face down to his “Look at me.” He breathed as your orgasm hit you full force, you let out a strangled cry and your eyes slid closed, breath coming out in gasps.

You were spent, exhausted, and overheated, vision fuzzy as you leaned forward forehead resting on his shoulder. You could feel his heart beating and let out a long breath, looking up at him. He was smiling and reached a hand out to grip the side of your face, thumb stroking across your cheek.

“I told you I was gonna fuck you stupid.”

Your mouth fell open and you slapped his chest, kissing him on the cheek and easing off him. He reached into the front, grabbed the clothing and you both awkwardly got dressed in the small confines of the car without speaking. He got out first, glanced around and extended a hand for you to get out as well.

“I should find Darcy.” You said straightening your shorts out and smoothing your shirt.

He nodded and leaned against the side of Darcy’s car “What are you doing later?”

You pulled your phone out and checked the time “It’s 12:30.”

“And?” He said staring at you blankly.

“Nothing I guess. Why?”

“Come over.” He said with a smile.

“To do what?”

He just smiled and kissed your cheek before turning and making his way towards where his car was parked some feet away.

“Hey!” You called “Did you just come here to hook up with me and then leave.”

He smiled and shrugged “I’ll never tell. See you later.” He called as he disappeared into the darkness. You watched him leave, turning in time to see Darcy making her way over.

“There you are. Did you and him talk things out?”

“Oh. Yeah you could say that.” You trailed off.

“Have you been here at my car this whole time?” She was frowning as she watched his car pull out of the driveway and make its way down the street.

“Mhmm. So about your car…” you said clearing your throat, looking at her with a guilty expression.

Her frown disappeared and she looked at her suspiciously “You didn’t.”

“Oh we did.”

“Yeah right.” She said waving you off with a small laugh. When you didn’t say anything her smile faded “Your kidding. No? Not kidding.”

You shook your head and held back a giggle as her mouth fell open “Are you fucking kidding me? You climbed that tree? IN MY CAR?” She peered in the back to see the seats folded and her blanket spread across the cargo hold.

You blew out a long breath that ended in a laugh “After we skinny dipped.”

She gasped and clutched her heart, gripping your arm “This is the best day of my life. Is it everything I think it was? Did it live up to the dirty talk?”

“It did. Good call on that blanket by the way.”

“That’s my girl! Up top!” She grabbed your hand and slapped her own with it she grabbed your face and kissed you on the cheek. She swung an arm over your shoulder and reached in her pocket, pulling out the half smoked joint and waggled her eyebrows.

“Round two?”

[mandy-asimp]

Baby Whisperer

Early seasons pregnant JJ where will doesn't want the kid (no hate on will or nun) but yn takes JJ in cus they're in looove and they becaome a baby whispererer

Warnings: internalized homophobia so brief l, love Will right? But he's kinda an ass, so don't hate me and go saying I hate Will cus I don't. I love Will lamon-I need subtitles to understand him only sometimes-Tage.

A/n~ chat this has been in my drafts for months soooo I finally ended it so enjoy

Walking in, Y/n wasn't really expecting to run into a crying JJ in the garage. The woman looked absolutely destroyed and like she just needed anyone.

That's how she found herself in the parking lot of a local burger joint with the blonde. "Now...I only got us an extra hour before we have to go in....do you wanna talk about it?"

Y/n liked to approach everything carefully. It wasn't always her place, but she knew sometimes everyone wanted just someone else's company. She was honestly prepared for JJ to say that it was just a rough morning and she'd be over it in no time.

"I'm pregnant and Will left." She whispered. Trying with everything in her not to start crying again, especially when they were at her favorite burger place. "He..he said that he wasn't ready for a kid and I am. He said I could've have the kid, but if I did..."

"He'd walk..."

"I'm going to have nowhere to go. I can't afford a place on such short notice. I can't do that all and still worry about my job. I just...I can handle a lot. That's what my job is..but I-"

"Come stay with me." Y/n threw it out before she could even think it over. Her mouth just moved on it own. "I have two sore rooms. One can be yours and we'll make the other a nursery."

JJ furrowed her brows and was flushing red. "I-I couldn't ask that much of you."

"Yes you can. And you're not asking me. You would do the same if it was the other way around." Y/n took a bite of her burger. Eyes not daring to meet the blue ones that were for sure staring down her every move.

"What's in it for you though? I mean, nobody offers without anything in return." The blonde raised the question.

The short black bob shook. "I'm getting to know you and whoever you," she pointed towards her belly, "will be are safe every night. Plus, I'm kinda a baby whisperer so it'll give me the chance to get solid evidence."

A soft smile formed on the blondes lips. "And that's it? No other strings attached?"

"All you should have to worry about is taking care of yourself. I'm just here to help make it easier."

"Deal then." JJ agreed. "What if though-"

"Usually when people say deal they don't add any conditions after." Y/n had a sly smile on her face.

JJ was quick to throw her arm to wack the other's. "In return you get God parent privileges?"

Y/n was also quick, quick to shake her head. "There's nothing in it for me. That's my conditions. Plus Penelope would be on me for that title. All I truly will take is knowing you're safe."

JJ waited and watched for any sign that she could be lying. That there was some second meaning to this offer....but there wasn't. Y/n was honest in what she wanted.

"Alrighty then. I'll move in with you." JJ gave in fully.

~

By then end of the day, the two had everything planned out. They spent most of their time in JJ's office discussing how move in would work and how quick they wanted to get it done.

"No! You're not gonna carry everything. I may be pregnant but I'm not that type of pregnant yet." JJ folded her arms and leaned back in her chair. They had been bickering over a lot of things. Mostly because Y/n kept offering to be so nice.

The brunette shrugged, "well what if you carry the lighter boxes then? I just..I don't want you to strain yourself. Eventually, that baby is going to grow and your back will forever hurt. I'm trying to keep you free from that ache early."

"And I appreciate it, but I'm still going to do this job aren't I? I'm going to ache no matter what. You have to let me have some lee way still." JJ held her ground.

Y/n threw her hands up into surrender. "Ok. You tell me what you still want to be able to do, and I'll try my best to not helicopter around."

There was a knock at the door. It caused both woman to sit up and glance towards the piece of wood. Finding Penelope staring at the notepads on the desk. "What's this about?" She moved quick over to the papers.

She didn't get a chance to look as they both grabbed them from view. "Our marriage contract." Y/n was quick to drop. "We're writing what we won't do, it's mostly our worst habits."

"Oh...ok well Will is here to talk to you." She informed before giving one last suspicious look. "What are you two up to?"

"Thank you Penelope," Y/n hummed before looked back to the other blonde. "This is my cue to leave. Let me know what happens..."

Y/n bowed her head before leaving. Pushing Penelope away as well. They walked back towards the bullpen, passing Will on the way. Y/n couldn't help the look she gave him. JJ held him in high praise, so to think he would walk was crazy.

JJ was still holding the notepad when Will walked in. "We need to talk about this morning. I wasn't thinking but I don't think you are either." He began. "We're too young to have a baby Jayge! We shouldn't spend all that money now. Let's just wait a few more years. Get married first maybe?"

She took a deep breath in as the tears stung her eyes. "I want this baby. And if you don't, then you won't have anything to do with this baby."

"You will have nothing without me." He spat in defense. And for a moment, he swore he was right. That she wouldn't have anywhere to go. That she needed him.

"I don't need you. And especially with that tone, I will never need you. If you don't want to be a father yet, then you can leave." She shot him down almost instantly. Eyes trained to the window.

There was silence as he stood there. He huffed and rubbed his eyes. "You can't seriously be throwing away our relationship for a baby? It's still my baby."

She shook her head, "no. This is my baby. You have now openly said you don't want any child. So once again, I don't need you. We don't need you." Her voice was vicious as she bit him. Practically hearing his defeat before moving towards the door.

"You're gonna regret this. You're gonna need me." He pointed one last time.

Y/n laughed from behind him. "The only one who needs anything is you. And you need to leave." She folded her arms over her chest as the man left the building in a fit of rage.

JJ let her head drop into her hands as she started crying. Y/n was quick to close the door and draw the blinds. Giving the two perfect privacy as she came around and hugged the blonde. Letting her cry it out.

~

A few weeks go by, and JJ had been moved in to Y/n's place. "Ya' know, I didn't think you'd have a house."

"Really? I give apartment to you or what?" Y/n carried a few boxes up to the extra room. Training days with Morgan always seems to pay off.

JJ shrugged as she just followed behind. "I guess so. Why do you have a house? It's just you no?" The extra room was big. Bigger than what JJ had taken an extra room for. "No. It's too much."

"You already unloaded all your boxes. You're staying. And plus, I like having room to have people over, or to run around naked." Y/n winked over her shoulder. "You settle in, I'm going to cook dinner."

"And she cooks?" JJ furrowed her brows. Y/n has mentioned how she couldn't cook compared to Rossi, which JJ assumed meant she couldn't cook.

But the first night was all the evidence she needed. The host made orange chicken and it was beyond any takeout the blondes ever had. Even the rice was delicious. Too distracted by the food to even notice that Y/n left more for her than herself.

~

Four months had gone by and the two moved like a couple. From JJ's perspective, this was just Y/n being helpful.

Every morning she would wake to the smell of some breakfast and coffee. Trudging out, Y/n would be dancing around with her headphones on as she plated the dish of the morning. She would be in nothing but an oversized shirt.

That's how their mornings would all start. Having breakfast together.

Then they would drive to work and act just like colleagues. Minus how Y/n would always know exactly what JJ was craving and had it right when she wanted it. There they would eat lunch in the blondes office while discussing the work drama.

Y/n would leave the office by two and head back to her own desk. Working in silence as she thought of what she would be making for dinner.

"We're heading to lunch you coming?" Emily would offer by three.

"No I already ate with JJ. We had classic pb&j's." Y/n answered, reminiscing in how good they were.

Derek scoffed with a laugh, "you tryna steal the spot of baby daddy or something? Spoiling her left and right."

"Mm, I got that spot within the second month. Baby whisperer remember?" She smiled up from her papers.

"I'll believe it when I see it," Derek flicked her forehead. He moved faster so Y/n would have to actually get up and chase him.

She did get up, sending him a mean glare. "You're lucky my senses are tingling and I bet you right now, she needs something."

That's when JJ came in, "Y/n could you come help me for a sec?"

That stumped Derek, he didn't know if she was serious about the sense or if it was perfect timing. But he left with everyone else for lunch as the two headed to the file room.

JJ needed a box of old files and it was just slightly out of reach and she wasn't in the mood to try and reach for it. Her back had been killing her all day.

The box was heavy as Y/n carried it to her office. "That back still hurting?" JJ groaned, answering the question without words. "Come here, I saw this on Facebook."

JJ came closer, standing right in front of Y/n a bit confused. With a twirl of the brunettes finger, her back now faced her front. Leaving her blind to Y/n coming up behind her and her hands coming to hold her belly. Lifting it a bit and releasing the stress and tension on her back. The feeling made her practically moan and melt into Y/n.

"This is so being added into our daily routine." She hummed. JJ had closed her eyes and let her head lull back to rest on the shoulder. "Five minutes like this ok?"

Y/n chuckled, but had agreed. The two stood in the middle of the office in silence. Y/n enjoying being helpful, and JJ enjoying the weightless feeling.

It even was mentioned during dinner prep. It's what they did, JJ would sit on the backside of the couch and look at the files she brought home, while Y/n did wonders in the kitchen.

First it starts with getting drinks out. JJ had juice while Y/n had wine. Sipping on it slowly as she prepped the Thai noodles.

"So," JJ had came over from the living room. "If I told you my back was aching again?" She was given a laugh which told her she needed to do more. It's how her head ended up on Y/n's shoulder and her arms wrapped around her.

"Ya' know the roles are supposed to be revered right? I'm supposed to hold you not the other way around? And I am cooking, if you can get through dinner I will sit behind you and hold your baby ok?"

"Deal." She placed a kiss to Y/n's cheek before slipping back to the couch. Missing the blush that arose mere seconds after her lips left.

Later, JJ had been in her room lying when she thought of how much Y/n was doing. It made her heart beat a little faster than normal. Which she assumed woke the baby as he began to kick.

It kept her up and wasn't very comfortable either. She knew Y/n said anything wouldn't be a bother, but what could Y/n do about this even if she did go over to the room. It couldn't hurt she figured, maybe there was something Y/n could do.

She crept through the dark house, realizing just how quiet of a person Y/n was. The sound only being the faint tv noises coming from the bedroom. Giving the door a soft knock, JJ pushed it open more and peeked in.

From the bed, a sleepy Y/n stared over at the door. "Jayge? What's wrong? Are you ok?" She sat up and scooted over, patting the large bed next to her.

"The baby, he's awake and kicking...you said you were a baby whisperer?" She came up to the bed, crawling into the comfortable sheets where Y/n was lying. Feeling her warmth still linger.

Y/n hummed as they both got comfortable, then she slid to rest her head against the belly. Whispering out of JJ's hearing, but within minutes, he was still again.

JJ tried to pick up on the vibrations, hoping they could give any distinction on the words but it was useless. So she just let them carry her to sleep, knowing another day of work waited her.

Meanwhile Y/n was mumbling over what honey was and how it tastes in tea. Even offering to make him some in the morning instead of the coffee. Which she also apologized for assuming he would want coffee. She also mumbled about the different breakfast choices. Eventually drifting off to sleep herself.

~

JJ woke up first that morning, finding Y/n to be practically molded around the belly and so incredibly close to her. She could feel the extra body heat and enjoyed how it felt. She also enjoyed how Y/n's bed felt.

She realized this was the first time since moving in she was up before Y/n. Even on cases Y/n was up before her.

"My senses are tingling?" Y/n groggily spoke. "He wants the tea I told him about."

JJ felt a kick at the words. Making her question if it was witchcraft or Y/n actual was a baby whisperer. "He doesn't even know what tea is?"

"Yeah he does, I told him all about it. Just like I told him about honey. He really likes the sound of it." Y/n slipped from the bed, her hand delicately caressing the exposed skin of the belly.

The action made JJ shiver and the baby kick. "What else did you tell him about?" She let her hand fall to her stomach and began to get up with the other.

"I told him about music and what's the right type of music, also about what's the best type of fashion." Y/n rambled as she led them to the kitchen. Beginning to make the tea.

JJ frowned at the new choice. "What if I don't want tea? I like my morning coffee," she complained. Knowing that no matter what, Y/n always claimed to know what was 'gonna do it' for her, and she was usually right. "What are you putting in it?"

"It's with honey, sugar, and a dash of cinnamon. You'll love it just as much as he will. I've never steered us wrong and you can bet today won't be the day." She joked from the counter, rummaging to find the kettle that was tucked away.

When she pulled it out, JJ almost laughed audibly. "There's no way you're gonna use that?"

Y/n shot a look over her shoulder, "you seriously don't trust my ways?" She kept working with the kettle. Filling it before setting it on the stove. "He can tell you it's the right way even." The baby kicked and a new smile formed on Y/n's face.

JJ was entranced by it as the brunette came over. Crouching in front of her and whispering again to her belly. And it was the blonde who was smiling even wider. Y/n was an absolute wizard with the baby. Things just seemed to get so much easier for the both of them.

The moment made her think though. Would Y/n stick around even after the baby was born? Why wouldn't she though? Nobody's ever shown this much attention to JJ, let alone her baby. She was thriving in it and she hoped she would still get this side of Y/n.

The screeching of the kettle brought her back and she just barely processed the fingertips sliding from her sides. Had Y/n been holding her hips?

"Have you thought of any names yet?" Y/n let the question slip out as she poured the steaming water. "I know it's still early, but five months."

"Honestly? No. Usually it's something you would discuss with the other person...a unanimous agreement." She sighed as the tea was brought over. Bringing her nose down close to the mug, she smelt the steaming liquid. "This smells...amazing."

Y/n smirked, "I told you I knew what I was doing. And you do realize not every baby has two parents deciding their names. This is your bundle of joy, you name him whatever you want. Just nothing with some dumb spelling."

JJ laughed lightly at that. "I know, but...I always thought I'd be having a kid with someone who I was married to. The whole traditional family." Y/n rolled her eyes. "What?"

"I just think...traditional isn't the best for you. I mean think 'bout it...you're about to become a single mother in the FBI. Life threw you a curve ball, but you're about to knock it out of the park."

"A baseball reference really?"

"Yeah not my best moment but my point is, you should get the reward of naming him what you want. He's yours till forever." Y/n reasoned, meeting the blue oceans with a soft gaze.

The conversation got lost as they just stared in silence at one another. Y/n always looked at JJ with so much care. She's shown it enough that the blonde sometimes feels guilty for how much of Y/n's attention she holds...but she'd be upset if it was on anyone else. It was wrong, especially because they weren't dating. Not that...JJ would..it had to be the hospitality getting to her.

Y/n sighed before grabbing her mug and opening the fridge. "I'm thinking French toast with some fruit? Extra sweet? Oooh and maybe some icing." She thought out loud. Humming in delight when JJ huffed at the baby kick.

The rest of the morning was natural. They ate breakfast and chatted for a bit before going upstairs to change. That's how everyday started.

But the mornings conversation trailed around JJ all day. Even her following thoughts. Suddenly everything was being questioned by her. From Y/n to bringing lunch, to her driving them home again with her hand on the clutch.

Another night, when once again, the baby was up and kicking. It also became a regular occurrence. Soon, JJ just ended up following Y/n to her room.

"Ya' know, when I offered an extra bedroom, I didn't mean mine." Y/n joked as they were getting ready to settle down for the night.

"Five months ago was so long ago though. Plus, he likes you talking him back to sleep. You truly are a baby whisperer." The blonde tried to reach the straps on her heels, groaning when she couldn't.

It was the tiny things that Y/n noticed. Once the bed creaked, she was over and kneeling to take off the shoes. Doing it before she could even realize she was.

JJ would've described it as a domestic moment. And when the thought crossed her mind, her heart thumped in her chest.

"Yeah, I'm great." She hummed in agreement. Y/n stood back up and was looking down at JJ now. Her content smile slowly fading. "I'm always gonna be here for you, you know that right?"

The words were just that. Words. Yet, JJ felt them strike her heart and shake her spine. It had to be the hormones that moved her to tears though. "You mean it?"

A hesitant hand came up to her cheek, it was warm and soothing. "I do, I don't plan on leaving your side any time soon. I promise. I pinky promise you Jayge."

Y/n pulled her hand back and held up her pinky. Expecting the woman to just connect hers, but was greeted with a tight hug as JJ cried into her shoulder. The brunette held her head close to her while the other wrapped around her back.

That was the night that they both knew their relationship was bound to change. Both cared and needed the other.

Although, the change brought tension to the breakfast table that morning. Not bad tension, just tension. Neither one could say anything or stop looking at the other.

Y/n took it as the ultimate test as well. To see if she was truly a baby whisperer without talking to JJ. Through all the staring, Y/n had managed to decide on a breakfast.

Cooking in silence, she began to get lost in her work. Humming a sweet little tune as she swayed at the stove. Continuing her tune as she played the homemade breakfast sandwiches.

Usually in the morning, the two sit across from each other, but today Y/n nodded towards the couch. Leading over and dropping her plate before going back for drinks.

They sat thigh to thigh as they ate. The only noise was JJ's hum and her 'oof' at the aggressive baby kick. He also seemed to enjoy it.

Their silence traveled with them through the day. When they got ready, Y/n knew JJ's routine flawlessly and had anything she needed at the ready. The car ride to work? Only the radio spoke as Y/n drove their normal path. Her hand itched to leave the clutch and rest on JJ's thighs.

One thing Y/n wasn't ready for, was how cute JJ actually would look pregnant. It wasn't like she wasn't cute before, JJ's always been adorable in Y/n's eyes. But this, this was the softest looking Jennifer she had ever met.

By the time they got to the parking garage, they had a few minutes to spare. So they sat in silence and stared at each other once again. Both looking like they were trying to figure out the other. Yet, they never figured anything out as they had to go in.

~

Another month had gone by. Emily grabbed her bag as she was ready to leave for the day. "I'm going home and never coming back. This week has been so shitty." She groaned.

"Sounds like you need a drink," Derek smirked. He too had his bag in hand. "I'm sure Penelope and Spencer would love to come with."

"Not even gonna invite Y/n?" Emily nodded towards the still focused agent. Not leaving room for his answer as she came towards the desk. Tapping her out of her trance. "You wanna come with?"

"I'm on baby whisperer duties. JJ has been struggling to sleep since he keeps kicking around nine. I'm the one who talks him and her to sleep." She explained her situation. Not really minding that she'd miss another night out.

Derek squinted his eyes. "One, this is why I wasn't gonna invite her. Always on baby duties. And two, you're all this talk about being a baby whisperer but we've never seen it in action. JJ hasn't even confirmed this once in her six months."

"Well then let me confirm it now. Because id be absolutely exhausted without her. She explains what such simple things are and then she knows. She knows what this baby likes and wants." The blonde came out with her bag, handing it to Y/n's expecting hand. "And these? JJ sense's? It's like having a personal telepath."

Spencer rose up now, "do you really believe in telepaths though? Especially to a baby? How can you be so sure?"

"Well I can tell you right now, that for dinner we're having honey chicken biscuits on his request." Y/n's thumb rolled to point towards JJ's belly. And on cue, he kicked.

She shook her head and smiled. "Like a personal telepath. We are heading out though, I now know what's for dinner and we're both hungry."

"Baby whisperer," Y/n whispered as she wiggled her fingers before following out the blonde.

The team watched the two leave. Sharing the same thought. "They're so in love," Penelope spoke it out loud though.

Back home, the two sat and laughed over everything from the day. They never ran out of something to talk about. And they wouldn't once the baby was born.

"So, six months. Third trimester. Three months till you'll be asked for his name....any ideas?" Y/n pried from her seat. She sat criss cross to be able to look at the blonde.

JJ sighed on the topic again. "I mean a few but none that have tugged at me and stood out. What about you? Have you been thinking?"

"Mm JJ last month would've said this is a partner discussion. Why's this month asking else wise?" Y/n dug into the words. Meaning it in such a playful manner.

JJ laughed along, trying to ignore her heart beat. "Well you've done nothing but tend to me for the past six months. So you should get some say."

There was a hum in agreement. "I've thought a little bit, and all I thought of was Dakota or Henry." Y/n truthfully answered. Knowing that the decision was going to be JJ's no matter what.

"I like the sound of Henry, actually. How'd you think of it?" The blonde stood from her spot, knowing he would begin to kick again within a few minutes.

Y/n yawned, "I didn't think of it, he picked it." She so simply stated before her hands fell to JJ's back, pushing her towards the stairs. "I'm telling you, our best conversations are after you fall asleep."

"Listen, I've been with you on the whole baby whisperer but there's no way he chose his name." JJ was drawing the line of baby whisperer now. She slowly led upstairs, not noticing how Y/n's hand never left her back.

"Ok...back in college I double majored with criminal justice. I also have a PhD in philosophy. It's my retirement plan. But, one of the many philosophers I followed for a time was Henry of Ghent. I won't get into it, but he was an interesting philosopher. Made a big impact and I think so will he." Y/n gently poked JJ's side. A fond smile on her face as she thought of the next few years.

JJ was in awe. She knew Y/n to an extent but within the few months, she's met almost ever side of Y/n. And this new found knowledge of her smarts, it almost explained her always calm manor. Did she just question everything as well?

"A philosopher? You have some tricks up your sleeve still?" The blonde hummed out her question.

"I'm a jack of all trades," she whispered. If the two weren't as close as they were, the blonde would've missed it. Like how she missed the way Y/n was looking at her.

"Well I like it. Henry. Although what about a nickname?" She raised the next question. Opening the door and stretching her arms, her shirt lifted just barely.

Y/n caught the glimpse of skin. Wanting to reach out and touch, but knowing she would cause nothing but trouble if she did.

"You could call him 'Hen' for short...add a cluck or two after." Y/n smirked to her own joke. Not being quick enough from when JJ turned around to her arm getting whacked. "Hey!"

"Don't bully my kid," she squinted her eyes. Already beginning her night routine. "You could ask him?"

Y/n laughed from the bathroom attached to the room. She walked to the doorway with a fuzzy headband on her head, pushing her hair out her face. "Thought there was a line to my abilities?"

JJ, from the dressers, threw a look of pleading over. Standing straight up, tossing the clothes to the bed, and coming right up to Y/n. Standing toe to toe with the brunette who had a few inches on her. "There is, but prove me wrong."

Y/n heard the undertone. What it was fully, she didn't know, but she heard it loudly. "Challenging me?"

"Since day one."

And it was true in some sense. JJ had expressed early on she didn't believe in the sixth and seventh senses. They just sounded crazy and unrealistic. But as the months went on, it was clear Y/n did have these senses. How far they went, was something JJ wanted to know before the nine months was up.

Y/n's hand brushing back a strand of hair brought her back from her thoughts. She watched something swim in the e/c eyes that stared back at her. She saw it but couldn't pin it.

"You truly have been," Y/n huffed before leaving their moment. Heading deeper into the bathroom and leaving JJ to talk her heart down.

That night, Y/n had fallen asleep second. Leaving JJ to be awake by herself. It's how she found out her new favorite fact of Y/n. She likes to mumble in her sleep. But she didn't get to enjoy it too long as sleep soon took over her as well.

The next morning was the start of the final crunch. Three months, if all goes to plan, until the baby would be born.

JJ had woken to tiny feet kicking her from the inside. The second thing she noted was the lack of body heat next to her.

"Rise and shine! Happy Saturday! And boy do I have a question to ask you!" Y/n came in with tea and breakfast already made. The still half asleep blonde sat up. "Henry, still discussing nicknames, did decide on cinnamon Nutella crepes with strawberries. He's having a sweet tooth today. And his tea, just how he likes it."

The blonde couldn't help but blush at the tray sat down on her lap. "And your breakfast?" She raised a brow as Y/n sat down.

She made a quick oh before running to get her plate. Clearly eager to have a discussion. But it didn't come out right away, the question. Instead their breakfast was casual conversation.

"So, what was your question?" JJ asked as she finished her plate. "Absolute delicious by the way."

Y/n smiled as she cleared the plates. Taking a brief moment to run down to the kitchen and back up. "Have you thought of the nursery yet?"

The blue eyes went wide. "Oh my god, no. I didn't even consider a baby shower yet!"

"Perfect! Penelope is on her way to help us plan. We'll have it here of course. Whatever theme, well actually...Henry chose his theme already. I've explained him over the past few weeks different themes. And he chose pumpkins. Did I sway him based on the color scheme, maybe?" Y/n laid on her side as she explained everything. Hand propping her head up.

JJ was leaning on one hand, leaning closer to the other. "And this isn't you trying to pick the theme?"

Y/n looked up to her, "you wanna ask Henry?"

"Using that name free willing. How do you know I'll pick it?" She poked now. Enjoying their morning bicker.

The brunette made a thinking face, "maybe because I am some sort of telepath and I am able to read your thoughts. But..he'll kick in agreement with me. It's how we do. We locked in. One of the same mind." She began to joke a bit more.

It did earn her a laugh, one she enjoyed hearing very much. "If that's the case, how am I supposed to move out then? He'll never want to leave you."

There was a loud, echoing beat of silence. The two stared at each other. Like the night they knew their relationship was bound to change. The thought crossed their minds at the same time and the air suddenly became thick.

They were already so close.

Y/n sat up and a warm hand cupped JJ's right cheek. "Then don't leave...stay here with me." She was delicate with her words. A hopeful glimmer in her eyes that was begging more than her tone.

JJ could feel herself get choked up. These hormones were just horrible. Tears pricked her eyes as she leaned into the touch. "You couldn't possibly mean it?"

"I do. I..I find myself enjoying every moment with you here. It feels like a home actually. And even not for me..for him. Give him a home to grow up in." Y/n sounded a bit desperate to keep her. It was selfish and she knew that but it's what she wanted.

The blonde could read it off her body. The honesty and it warmed her entire body, feeling warmer when Y/n shuffled in her knees to be right there.

"Let me take care of you both..." she whispered. Her eyes dropped to the soft looking lips. How they were just barely parted. Then they snapped back up to JJ's.

They were watering as they sat there. Hearts beating as this was it. The moment they'd been beating around. The day their relationship was changing.

"Y/n..." JJ would faintly speak. Her eyes jumping all over. The other could sense her worries and knew she shared them as well, but everything has risks. Living in worries would lead nowhere.

The brunette close the gap. Pouring loads of affection into the kiss as she felt JJ kiss back. Smiles creeping on both their faces. Pulling back, they still smiled as they just looked at the other.

Y/n felt joy from her toes to every strand of hair. It's why she grabbed JJ's faces and kissed all over her face. Kissing away the few fallen tears. "I promise to protect you for everything I am. Both of you." She said right before placing another kiss to her lips.

JJ let adoration take over her face as she held the others face in her hands. "I know you will. You have already been and I can't thank you enough."

"You can thank me in kisses from now on?" She playfully raised a solution. Letting the blonde feel the heat that radiated off her cheeks with the blush.

"You can expect them more often," JJ began to get up. Turning to face Y/n who was risen on her knees at the edge of the bed. She sent a simple wink before getting off herself. "I'm going to change first, maybe shower as well."

"Let me know if you need anything," Y/n was about to leave the room. A hand holding her wrist stopped her. Her head turned as she questioned JJ.

There was this new look to her eyes. "It's hard to wash below the belly..."

Y/n turned a bright red once realizing what was being asked. Fingertips to her lips, she was shocked. "Are you sure? We don't have to really, that's not what I was trying to imply-,"

"Will you join me or not?" JJ cut off. Knowing that rambling could go on forever if she let it.

"Yeah...yes, yeah! Obviously." Y/n breathed out. Following the blonde into the bathroom, and she was thankful for having a spacious shower.

The air was silent as the water started. Both watched the other undress. Although, Y/n stared more. Her eyes not being able to tear away from the woman. Taking in every detail she could within the moment. How her boobs overfilled the bra, her thighs were more full, her belly smooth, her hair free from any styling, and a tiny bit of sleep in her eyes still.

She came close and slowly let a hand slip onto the belly as she smiled so wide JJ felt nothing but peace. "You are beyond beautiful."

That was the first shower the two shared, and JJ was instantly a fan of it. She enjoyed how Y/n was so cautious about where her hands went. Not overstep or rushing into anything. No, instead she did everything for JJ. Spoiling her with being able to just relax.

Out the shower was even better. All that she had to do was sit there while Y/n got her everything and hum her little tune.

"You enjoy this don't you?" JJ had asked. Never once letting her eyes leave Y/n. "Anytime you really like something you're doing, you hum. When you cook without headphones, you hum. At work when you're making the tea, you hum."

"Guilty. Took you long enough to catch onto that though. I've been humming around you for years." Y/n admitted, starting to dress herself. Her fingers carefully working at the buttons of the brown flannel. Tucking a bit of it into the grey sweats. "But besides that, Penelope is almost here. You take your time, but I will have a little fruit bowl cut up and ready for you."

"Is that how you know my thoughts? You've been working on being a telepath?" She laughed a bit, only because that's exactly what she wanted in the moment.

Y/n came over and placed a kiss to her lips, "oh absolutely. Why do you think we always had your coffee stalked specifically? I pay attention."

JJ rolled her eyes and pushed the other away. "Whatever."

She flashed a smile before disappearing downstairs. Beginning to get things ready for Penelope to come splay out all her party planning supplies. Which meant rearranging the downstairs to be open enough. Putting most effort into where the three would sit and look over everything.

It wasn't easy, but she knew it was beneficial. Y/n's seen the bubbly blonde plan before at her own house. It gets crazy. This time was no different either. She showed up, did her greetings and began to splay everything out.

Too engrossed in it, she missed the kiss the two shared as JJ came downstairs finally. Wearing one of Y/n's old college sweatshirts and a pair of sweats.

They began a hushed conversation as their guest kept working on laying everything out. "How long has she been here?"

"For at least fifteen minutes. Just know, it is opinion welcomed, but just know pumpkins were indeed my idea. Henry doesn't know anything about baby showers." Y/n came clean. Earning a wack to the arm.

JJ pointed her finger, "I knew you weren't that good."

Penelope spun around abruptly. "JJ! Mama of the shower! Are you ready to dive in?" Her smile was genuine and her hands clasped together.

With a hesitant nod, JJ walked over to the spot on the floor. Entering what might've been a planning nightmare to her.

~

It was any day now. Y/n wanted to stay back on most of the cases now, but JJ urged her to go anyways.

"It wouldn't serve them any good if we're both here. I will have Penelope by my side don't worry." JJ tried to reassure her every time. It did little to help, but it was enough to get her to go.

"Promise you'll call if anything changes?" Y/n had her bag slung over her shoulder. Eyeing the labor bag that was tucked under her desk.

JJ came from behind the desk. Being even shorter since she was free of her heels. Wearing the fuzzy slippers Y/n had bought her not too long ago. "Pinky promise. Now go," she placed a kiss, "save a girl." Playfully saluting, Y/n left the office.

Yet, she didn't. When the contractions started, she assumed it to be the false ones she's experienced before. So she brushed it off.

They only started after the jet had taken off for home. It would be another three hours before the team came back. Before Y/n came back.

As she sat next to Penelope, her hand held her stomach as she tried to avoid groaning (it didn't work). The friend picked up on these tiny groans after awhile. That's how they found out JJ was in labor.

But she wasn't ready. Y/n wasn't there and she needed her for this part. "I have to call Y/n..."

"From the car," Penelope ushered her out the bat cave. They walked through the halls quickly to get to the elevators, bumping into Emily and Jordan.

Emily furrowed her brows, "what's going on?"

Penelope beamed widely, "I am not a doctor, I don't even play one on tv, but JJ is going into labor!"

Emily shared the same smile now. Her head turning to look at Agent Todd. "I hope you're ready cause your job starts right now."

The two friends kept talking but the soon to be mother could only think of Y/n. Handles fumbling with her phone just to get the contact open. Each ring making her heart pound a little harder.

"Baby?" Her voice came through the phone. "What's up?" Face contorting, JJ groaned into the phone. "I assume Penelope and Emily are with you?" A small, pained, 'mm-hmm' was given. "Just breathe, it's gonna be ok. You've prepared for this. I will be there as soon as I can I promise you."

It was true, they've ran through everything together already. But when it came time to actually push, and there was still no sight of Y/n, JJ suddenly couldn't do it. This was too scary to face alone. Where was Y/n?

"I can't..." she whispered as the doctors came in. Her eyes were quick to look at Penelope. "No. I can't....where's Y/n?" The panic began to pick up and the room sensed it.

"The jet touched down awhile ago, she should be here any second now. But you have to breathe hun," Penelope tried to calm her. Her attempts doing nothing as she shook her head. "I'll have emily call her, but you have to calm down."

JJ felt the tears sting her eyes. Nobody was going to be there to hold her. They had talked about how they would do things together but now it was only her. The tears began to fall. "I need her. I don't know how to do this alone," she began to get even more worked up.

"She needs to calm down, the stress isn't good for her or the baby." The nurse whispered to Penelope.

It was agonizing for JJ to lay there alone. It tore Y/n apart knowing that as well. She was driving as fast as she could, tempted to turn the sirens on. But every turn felt like another, turn after turn, eventually leading to the hospital.

She was frantic with trying to get in. The lady at the desk could sense it as well as she gave up the room number. Watching as Y/n full sprinted to the stairs and up them. Bursting through the third floors door and towards the delivery room.

The sounds of JJ protesting to start pushing filling the silent hall. Y/n picked up her pace and barged in. The room turning to face her, but she was only looking to the blonde in bed.

"You're here!" She almost screamed. The tears falling finally as her hands gripped the side of the bed.

The brunette came closer, standing on the side of the bed, and placing a kiss to her forehead. "I am hunny," she calmed her. Hand slipping to hold hers and taking the squeezing.

"Alright Jennifer, you're ready to start pushing." The doctor finally came in. "Oh hello, you must be Y/n. Nurses can we get her ready?" They worked quickly. Scared honestly to take her too far away from JJ.

The team that came with sat in the lobby. Waiting for any update from the woman. "Ok...but did anyone else think they would've told us they gotten together?" Penelope raised. "Because coming in and calling her 'hunny'? It was almost natural, so it's been more than a week or two."

"Y/n is so that child's father." Emily sat down with a coffee in hand. "I'm just surprised that it took living with her for JJ to realize that she would've dropped everything ages ago."

"We'll factor in the job and she wouldn't have noticed if Y/n never feared her home." Hotch pitched into the building theory now. His eyes trained to his phone however.

Spencer came in shortly after. "How is she?" He didn't rush as fast from the jet to the hospital like Hotch and Y/n did. "Y/n make it in time?"

He sounded like he knew something and Emily and Penelope shared a look. "What do you know about those two?" One would ask.

He shrugged, "they've been dating since the start of the third trimester. They told me right away." He didn't see how important that information was.

Both women had their jaws dropped as the news had been broken. The lies they've been fed in that time as well. They had broken off into their own conversation. Discussing how they could've missed it and how well their teammates hid it. Also on reasons Reid would know first.

Spencer took the seat next to Hotch. "Did she make it though?" He asked, knowing how important this was to the both of them.

"She did. And those two came back saying it should be any minute." He gestured to Emily and Penelope. Then he looked back to the genius. "Why did they tell you first?"

"They said it was because they knew I wouldn't say anything anyways. Also because I caught them in JJ's office sharing a sweet moment." He explained.

The moment he had scene was Y/n whispering to Henry to calm down, JJ had been complaining of it for hours that day. Then right as he was about to knock, Y/n placed a kiss to the belly then shared one with JJ. Both smiling before realizing he was there. It left them with no choice but to mention it to him.

After that, the lobby fell into a peaceful silence as they waited. It was unlike the delivery room. Full of JJ's screams and puffing. Y/n's hands felt broken as she sat behind and encouraged her through everything.

But, she would admit, her broken bones were worth every second. Even as she brushed through JJ's hair as she finally could rest, she could only think of their future together now.

Pressing a soft kiss to her sweaty hairline. "You're amazing." She whispered into the others ear. "You're gonna be an amazing mom."

The blonde hummed in acknowledgement. Her hand slowly intertwining with Y/n's. "Thank you for everything." She felt the shift from behind her and groaned with confusion.

"You should get some rest. There's four agents who want to meet Henry." She explained her disappearing, placing another kiss to her forehead. "I'll be back in a few to sit by your side."

~

A few weeks had passed and it was a guessing game on who would come back first. Neither of the two had really mentioned anything to anyone.

"I'm placing bets it's JJ first. If it was love-sick Y/n, she would've mentioned her return in the group chat." Derek placed his money down. A twenty sat on Emily's desk, waiting for hers to accompany it.

"I place bet it's Y/n first," Rossi laid his while walking past. It surprised the two that he wanted in on it.

Emily had to think of a third out come suddenly. "I bet one of them resigns." She threw out the crazy possibility. Knowing she was loosing twenty in the end no matter what. Even the two men looked at her in question. Her only answer was a shrug and a lost 'I dunno'.

Meanwhile, JJ was up and getting ready for her return to work. Her heels clacking against the smooth wood into the kitchen. Smiling at the sight of Y/n dancing around Henry as she cooked for them.

"You teaching him some moves?" The blonde laughed as she found her cup of coffee. She moved to place a kiss to her baby's head. "Good morning, handsome boy."

Y/n beamed happily, "he already has them. I think it's from all the dancing we did. Good morning hun," the brunette spun around the island to give a morning kiss. "Are you ready for your return?"

JJ's smiled dropped slowly as she stared at Y/n. She was still in her pajamas and hardly ready for a day. "Are you sure this is what you want to do? No one is asking you to do this as much as I appreciate it."

Y/n lightly laughed, they'd been through this so many time within the last few weeks. "If I didn't want to leave, I wouldn't. But I know you love that job with everything in you and someone has to be here for Henry. And...maybe it's time I use my backup plan? The FBI was a good money plan that's given me a lot of skills, but I'm ready for a casual life."

The blonde searched for any sign there was a lie. That Y/n did want to come back with her. That it should be Y/n going back today and not her. But this is what she was choosing and there was no changing her mind.

So, she nodded and let the conversation go. "What do you have planned today?" Was the new topic.

Y/n plated the breakfast for the two of them, and the bottle for Henry. "Well, me and Henry are going to go out grocery shopping later. Then I'll come back and clean a little while he's down for a nap. But that's if I stick with the plan."

JJ hummed, "you truly are a blessing Y/n. The BAU will miss you." Her arms lazily wrapped around the others neck. "I'll miss you the most at work."

"Just gives you a good reason to come home at the end of everything. Two good reasons actually." She had a tiny smirk on her lips. "And because I can hear your worries, we'll be fine. I was an agent myself, I know how to kick ass. Oh but we should get a dog!"

The blonde shook her head at the sudden switch. Knowing these mornings would be her favorite moments. "I can't even tell you no, it's your house." She moved back to where her coffee mug sat.

Y/n playfully scoffed, "as if this is just my house." She came around from her spot and hugged JJ from behind. Placing a kiss to her shoulder, then her neck, then her ear.

The woman hummed in satisfaction. "You're right, it's a home. We just live in it." She joked. Remembering the first time that they realized it was their home.

"It's our home, baby." Y/n placed one more kiss to her head before slipping away again.

JJ knew this was when she would go change finally and get ready. It gave her time to sit with Henry and think of the luck she's been given. "She's right ya' know. It's our home." She spoke to the baby who just smiled to her. The blonde couldn't help the smile that came from her either. "You're gonna be in such good hands. We both are, we have been...we have someone who is our protector." The baby laughed

"Mm, I'll protect you till my final breath. Both of you." The other came back. She was in an old college sweatshirt and a pair of black leggings. Crew socks running up past her ankles.

She walked in closer to the two, placing a kiss to both their heads. Swearing in secrecy to literally put her life on the line for these two. That she was willing to give up her own life because of the love that swarmed her body every time they were near. Even when they weren't near, she still felt the connection flow so easily.

She sat in the stool right near the table. "You'll say hi to everyone for me right? Also before you tell them ask about the bet they probably have, I put money Rossi wins." Her smile was goofy but she knew the joke eased some nerves.

The blonde hummed softly, "you'll call if you need anything?" She stood and moved closer. Her hand coming to hold Y/n's face.

Her empty mug being taken into the others hands. "I promise to call. You promise not to worry too much?"

JJ chuckled before pressing a kiss to her hairline, "I'll try my best." She made work at getting ready to leave, tying her coat up by the front door.

Her hand grasped at the handle and before she could step forward, arms were around her holding her tightly. And then the realization hit in a little more. Y/n wasn't coming back to work with her. There would be a new open spot and there wouldn't be her on cases anymore. Honestly, a part of JJ felt like the other had this planned and it worked out in both their favors. So she turned and held her close and tight.

Both were suppressing the tears now. Yet, when they pulled away the brunette was smiling widely with glassy eyes. "Sorry, sorry. I just couldn't help it. Get home safe for me ok? I know I said I'd protect you, but I need you to stay alive to be protected, yeah?" JJ inhaled sharply and nodded her head. Words were only going to make her break and cry. "Ok," a kiss placed to her cheek. "Go. Get to work. Call me if you need anything, I love you. Get home safe. And ask about the bet."

The words of love almost were missed, but JJ caught them. They pushed the tears over and soon she was crying heavily while holding onto her girlfriend. Not caring if she was late before her first day back.

~

"Well look who's back first!" Derek wore his cocky grin as he walked to the small pile of twenties. Hand grabbing them and flaunting them around.

JJ shook her head, "she wanted me to ask about that. What was everyone's guess?"

Emily after rolling her eyes at the bald man sighed. "Derek said you'd come back first, Rossi said the other, and I said someone would resign."

She weighed everyone's chances of winning. "Well let me tell you, that one of you is right and it's not the man with the money." She tilted towards Derek who was still bragging. It really only left one answer and Emily shouted when she realized it.

"No!" Her eyes were wide and jaw was dropped. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" Her hands were thrown up into the air.

Penelope had just came in with the newspaper. "Oh Emily's dropping f-bombs before ten! What's the news?" She hurried over to the other two, eager to hear the new drama.

"I won the bet! And I'm not happy about it either!" She groaned before going up to Derek. Ripping the sixty dollars out his hand. "I'm not pleased to do this."

"Wait...but your bet.." her eyes jumped to JJ who was nodding at the unasked question. "She resigned?!"

The realization caused a heavy silence. Everyone focusing on the open desk. All her decorations were still on it but soon they wouldn't be. Everything felt surreal as they all knew Emily's side of the bet was truly a joke, but now that it was true they didn't think it funny anymore. The entire day was filled with quietness and sorrow filled glances to the vacant desk.

Towards the end, after going serial killer free, JJ's phone rang as she came into the bullpen. "Agent Jareau."

"Ooh so formal. Now I know you don't check your caller id." Her voice came through the phone. The smile she wore was evident. "Are you on your way home?"

"Yeah, everyone's finishing up right now. I should be back in like thirty minutes? Why? What's up?" The blonde slowed her pace and stood still in the moment. A flash of worry hitting her as soon as she finished asking.

JJ could hear the smile from through the phone. "You should invite everyone over for family dinner. Mostly because I may have cooked more than needed and need people to eat it all."

The blonde laughed lightly and looked over to her colleagues. "Right, well then you can expect everyone in twenty. I'll see you at home," she agreed and caught the attention of the group.

"Love you," was the last thing said before the line went dead.

JJ sighed as they waited expectingly for the invite. Almost like they knew what was being asked. "You've been invited to dinner by the chef. She expects your attendance."

They all cheered and were quick to pack everything up. Trailing slightly behind JJ who left five minutes before them.

It gave her enough time to make it home and catch a breather before they showed up. And when she walked through the front door, the delicious smell of fried chicken floated through the house.

"Babe?" She called into the house, being louder than the music that played. She moved further in, not surprised by the sight she saw.

Y/n danced around Henry in his high chair as she plated all the food. It looked like a feast with how much she actually made. Once she noticed JJ, her feet did their own dance over to her. Rising on her tiptoes to place a passionate kiss to her lips. "And the woman of the house is home!" She cheered, getting Henry to laugh and clap along. She pulled JJ towards the kitchen, letting her take in the smell up close. "I had an inkling you were feeling steak today."

The blonde side eyed her for a moment. "I thought the JJ senses only worked with the baby in me?"

"No they work because I love you, always have been loving you, always will be loving you." She gave her another kiss and slipped away to get wine glasses ready.

"Really? And when did you know you loved me?" JJ asked as she left to drop her bag in the study. Letting her hair free from the slick back ponytail and shaking out her hair.

Y/n looked into the air, like she was searching for the right memory. "The day Hotch sent me a photo of us on the jet. I never showed you or mentioned it because I didn't know how you were going to feel if I did." She confessed while grabbing more glasses.

JJ furrowed her brows before heading up to change and settle in. Only taking a few minutes as she only did change and let her hair loose of its ponytail. When she came down a glass was ready at the bottom of the stairs with her girlfriend smiling softly up at her.

"What was the photo of?" She had came back to the question of a few moments ago. Taking the glass and really kissing those lips she's missed seeing smile around every corner. "Hello, baby."

The delicate way the words were delivered made Y/n grow a shy smile and a heavy blush as telling the truth now seemed impossible. And even as she did try to look away and avoid it, JJ had her jaw and forced her eyes up. A curiosity swarming in her eyes that was darker than usual.

There was a giggle before she seriously stared up, schooling her features. "The first case you started to come to me about talking Henry to sleep, we were on the plane and...maybe the man who never sleeps saw us all snuggled up on the couch. The next day he brought me in and had asked about us and I mean basically what I'm saying is Hotch has been knowing before we even were official."

JJ's jaw dropped as the other sprinted from her grasp and back into the kitchen. Being saved by the doorbell that was left for the blonde to answer. As she walked closer, she called over the music. "You're so dead when they leave." And with that she opened the door. Inviting in their loving work family who were all ready for a feast.

~

"So you decided to leave, why?" Derek asked while leaning back. His right hand slung over the couch around Garcia, while his left pointed with his beer that he brought close to him shortly after.

She followed his moves and leaned back in the chair as well, her own drink being set on the small table off to the side. "Well, I know- we know how much she loves her job. I don't think she would be ready to say good bye like that so easily. Plus my body's beginning to age...I can't kick ass forever."

Reid furrowed his brows, "you're only 26? How can your body already be aging where you can't fight crime?"

She shrugged anyways, "it just did. I have a kid now, and a baby." She beamed widely while the room lightly laughed.

The stairs creaked, "you just call me childish?" JJ had an arched brow as she went to grab her wine glass and come over to the living room. She passed the chair and an arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her down and carefully into another's lap.

"No, I'm calling you my baby." Y/n smiled even wider somehow. Body tingling with affection and warmth that consumed JJ.

"So what are you doing now?" Rossi raised the next question. "You seem to have a backup plan already, so out with it kid."

"I'm guest teaching at the college for philosophy. Along with a few guest lectures for the academy. It's just something slight to keep and extra flow." She had explained it so easily. The team wasn't oblivious to the softness in her voice as she spoke of her next career. It was like she was relieved from everything bad in the world. "I'll mostly just be around to be with Henry otherwise."

"And mama bear how does this make you feel?" Penelope furrowed her brows, curious on how the blonde was handling it so well. Unlike her who was going to fight it anyways.

JJ shrugged lightly and looked down to the other, "it's sad knowing I won't have someone tending to my needs like her. Otherwise, it's comforting knowing someone will always be able to protect Henry."

"Yeah, but think of the homage meals you'll come home to now. Kid knows how to cook, makes me wonder why I'm the only one giving lessons?" Rossi raises a brow. "Seriously, why the holding out? We could've been sharing recipes."

The chef laughed, "because my cooking was nothing compared to yours when I started. I learned in silence so I could do this one day." It was earnest of her. Their family sat in her living room enjoying the time they had of just peace. Glasses full of drinks as they chatted about freely. Sharing stories and laughter that chased away the reality of their jobs. "To the day I could cook for my family."

Penelope gushed as she began to fan her face. "Sugar you're too sweet!" She laughed and a few joined her. Derek had pulled her closer in a hug.

"We'll miss you," Hotch had mentioned. He raised his glass towards where she sat. Everyone joined in as well. A silent toast given in her regards.

"Yeah, yeah, enough sappiness people! I'm not dying or anything, I'm always around still. You'll know where to find me and I'll always have something cooked." She nodded with a wide smile. "My rule is though, you can't bring work talk in here. Home is a sacred place."

"It's gonna cost ya..." Emily shrugged while looking for an offer to balance it out. Even if it Y/n's house, she was going to try and get something knowing how much they talked about work.

She rolled her eyes once more, "I literally said I'd always have a meal cooked for you! Was that not enough?"

"You have to send leftovers with JJ since we won't be here every single night." Derek pointed, Emily snapped and agreed instantly.

"Yea..yea leftovers get sent out way." Emily repeated it and it made the room laugh at the antics.

Their conversations continued on until glasses began to empty and everyone began to head home. Exchanging hugs as they went. And eventually it was just the two back on the couch leaning against the other.

"I love you, you know that right?" Y/n had hummed before sipping on her drink, they had decided one more to end the night.

"I wouldn't have ever doubted it." JJ nuzzled her nose against the others neck, placing a soft kiss to her pulse point. "And I love you."

The vibrations from Y/n's hum tickled against her lips. But when she pulled away her smile had slightly faltered at the sudden appearance of the black box. "What's that?" She whispered.

"A gift, a promise." Was all she was given. With a shaky hand she opened the lid, revealing the citrine ring that was surrounded by a few diamonds. It was eye capturing but just enough to not be too much. "It's citrine."

"Henry's birthstone."

"When the time is right, I plan to get you another ring. I promise I'll get you another ring because I promise to never leave you. I know we've had this conversation, but I want you to know and have evidence I mean it. I love you beyond my words. I love Henry beyond my words. I want you both in my life till forever runs out." She simply spoke. Her hands reaching for the ring and slipping it onto JJ's slender fingers. There she kissed the rock on her hand. "I promise my all to you Jennifer Jareau."

[snowysosturn]

Allies or Affiliates? - Chris Sturniolo Part 10

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Finale

Pairing : Y/n x Chris Sturniolo

Summary : Law student Y/n’s life takes a turn when she reconnects with Chris, her brief teenage flame who is now a dealer for a dangerous Boston drug gang. As their bond reignites, Y/n is drawn into Chris’s tumultuous world, where rival gangs clash and loyalty is everything. Balancing her love for Chris with her own ambitions, can their connection survive the chaos that threatens to pull them apart?

Warnings : MDNI, mentions of drugs, mentions of selling drugs, angst, cursing, smoking weed, suggestive

Chris's POV

The adrenaline from the fight with Y/n still coursed through my veins as I stumbled into my room, slamming the door behind me. The echo of our argument replayed in my mind like a broken record. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck, every part of me ached, not just from the physical exertion but from the emotional turmoil. How had it escalated so quickly? One minute, we were joking around, and the next, I was standing there, revealing my darkest secrets, while she looked at me like I was a stranger. It crushed me.

Dropping onto my bed, the weight of the world hit me in my chest. I needed to take the edge off, needed something to help me forget the angry words and the hurt in her eyes. I reached for my stash on my bed side table, my hands trembling slightly as I rolled a joint. The familiar motions were supposed to soothe me, but all I could think about was Y/n’s face when I told her the truth about my life. The way she’d looked at me when I mentioned the cartel, like I was some sort of monster.

I walked out to my backyard and took a long drag, inhaling deeply, hoping the smoke would clear the fog of confusion and regret, but it only served to intensify my thoughts. I paced in the grass, the smoke curling around me, and I couldn't shake the feeling of impending doom that settled in my stomach. Y/n was the last person I wanted to hurt, but here I was, tangled up in a life I never wanted her to be a part of. I’d cut her out for her safety, convinced it was the right choice. But now, standing on the line of losing her forever, I wasn’t so sure.

My mind drifted back to the memories we shared, the laughter, the innocent joy of a portion of our teenage years. I remembered the promises we made to always be there for each other, but I’d shattered those promises. It was killing me, and I felt more trapped than ever.

By the time I finally collapsed onto my bed, it was midday. Sleep came slowly, and when it did, it was filled with restless dreams of Y/n, my heart aching with every turn. I woke up to the sun hanging low in the sky, filtering through my curtains, and grabbed my phone, my heart leaping as I saw a message from her that just came in.

"Hey, I’d like to talk. Can we meet up?"

It was like a lifeline thrown into turbulent waters. I jumped out of bed, adrenaline kicking in again, and quickly replied, my fingers flying over the screen.

"Of course. I can come pick you up if you like?”

Y/N's POV

I paced the living room, my mind still swirling with everything that had happened after the party. My parents were back from their weekend away, and I could already feel the questions piling up. I didn’t want to deal with their prying. Not now. Not when I was about to meet Chris, the guy who’d just opened up a whole new level of chaos in my life.

Their laughter filtered in from the kitchen, my dad’s booming voice mingling with my mom’s soft giggles. It was a comforting sound, but it also reminded me of how out of place I felt. They’re a far cry from the situationship I’m placed in right now. How could I tell them I was meeting Chris? The guy I’d just found out was a drug dealer? I shook my head, feeling the anxiety creep up my spine.

I couldn't tell them at all. I walked into the kitchen to greet them, and had a small catch up before they decided to go to bed after being tired from all their travelling. “Good night, I might head out for a walk in a bit..” I called out as I headed towards my room, gunning toward my balcony, hoping to slip away unnoticed.

I climbed over the railing through the tree house window and climbed down onto the grass, making my way around the side of the house. The air was cooler outside, as the sun was fully set and my heart raced with anticipation and uncertainty. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this conversation would change everything.

When Chris arrived, I could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he rubbed the back of his neck like he was trying to ease the burden of the world off it. I felt a bit of sympathy for him. He had his demons, and now, he was standing in front of me, ready to confront them.

“Hey” he said softly, his voice hoarse.

“Hey.” I smiled faintly, trying to push aside the heaviness of our last encounter. “Let’s go.”

We climbed into his car, the silence stretching between us as he drove toward an empty parking lot a few blocks away. He parked and I turned to him, feeling the weight of everything hanging in the air.

“Okay, so..” I started searching for the right words. “We need to talk about what happened.. About you.”

Chris took a deep breath, his eyes meeting mine. “I know I should’ve told you sooner. I just.. I didn’t want to drag you into this mess. I thought I was protecting you.”

“By lying to me?” I shot back, feeling a mix of frustration and sadness. “You’re involved in something dangerous, Chris. I don’t want you to end up in jail.. or worse.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I’m trying to figure it out.” he replied, running a hand through his hair. “Nate got pulled into it, and I thought I could stay away, but it wasn’t that easy. Once I was in, it was like a trap. But seeing you again, it felt right. I didn’t want to lose you again.”

My heart softened a little. “So, what are you going to do about it? I can’t just sit back and watch you get deeper into this. If you want this to work, you have to make an effort to get out.”

“I’ll do anything for you, Y/n.” he said, his voice steady and serious. “I promise I’ll try. I want to find a way out of this life.”

I studied his face, searching for any sign of deception, but all I saw was sincerity. “Do you.. do you take drugs yourself?”

He hesitated, looking down for a moment. “I smoke weed. That’s it. I don’t do anything harder, I swear. I just sell it.”

I sighed, the tension in my chest easing slightly. “Okay. I just need to know you’re not in over your head.”

“I’m not. I want to make things right.” he assured me. “Let’s figure this out together.”

“Alright..” I said slowly, feeling a spark of hope. “But this isn’t just a one time thing. You need to be committed to making changes.”

"You might need to give me some time.. You know to figure out how to go about it."

"Well that's a start I guess."

He smiled, and it was like a weight had lifted from my shoulders. We talked and laughed a bit, the earlier heaviness fading away as we settled into an easy rhythm, the way it used to be.

As we drove back toward my place, I glanced at him, a playful idea popping into my mind. “Do you have any weed on you?”

Chris raised an eyebrow, “Uh..yeah I do.. Why?”

I took a breath, choosing my words carefully. “Would you.. let me try some weed? Just once?”

His face shifted immediately from relaxed to slightly shocked, his brows knitting together in concern. “Wait, you want to smoke weed? Now?”

I bit my lip, feeling a bit self conscious. “I mean, yeah. Just once. I’ve never tried it before, and.. well, I want to understand your world a little better.”

He looked at me, searching my face, like he was trying to make sure I was serious. “Y/n.. it’s not really a big deal, you know. I don’t even smoke that often myself.”

“I get that” I replied, leaning a little closer to him, “but I’ve been curious about it for a while. And if I’m going to try it, I’d rather do it with you. Just this once. It’s not like I’m planning to make it a habit.”

Chris sighed, looking away for a moment, clearly torn. “I don’t know. You don’t have to do this to understand me. You don’t have to be a part of everything I do.”

I put a hand on his arm, squeezing gently. “I know. But tonight, it feels.. right. It’s just one little thing. Besides, we’ll be safe. We can go up to the treehouse where no one will bother us.”

He let out a soft chuckle, a trace of amusement in his eyes. “You’re really serious about this, huh?”

“Completely” I said with a grin. “So? Are you going to let me in on the secret, or do I have to ask someone else?”

He sighed again, but I could see him slowly relenting, the protective hesitation softening in his gaze. “Fine” he finally said. “But just this once. And only because you’re way too stubborn for your own good.”

I beamed, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. “Promise.”

Together, we got out of the car and made our way toward the treehouse tucked away in the backyard, its old wooden steps creaking slightly under our weight. The fairy lights were still hung up from our date a few days ago, so I switched them on to create a bit of atmosphere, before arranging the blanket and pillows.

Once we were settled in the small, cosy space, Chris pulled a small pouch and rolling papers out of his jacket pocket. I watched, fascinated, as he carefully rolled the joint, his hands working with practised ease.

“This feels so..  surreal” I admitted, leaning back against the treehouse wall.

He gave me a teasing look. “You’re not getting scared, are you?”

“Me? No way.” I smirked, hiding the nervous energy bubbling up inside.

Once the joint was ready, he held it between his fingers, lighting it and taking a slow drag before passing it to me.

“Alright, so here’s the deal” he said, his voice low, calm, almost instructional. “Take a small inhale, but don’t try to pull it too deep your first time. Just let the smoke fill your mouth, then breathe it in slowly and exhale. Don’t rush it.”

I nodded, holding the joint carefully, feeling its warmth between my fingers. I took a small breath, the smoke tasting strange, earthy as it hit my throat. Almost immediately, I started coughing, my eyes watering as the harshness of it caught me off guard. Chris chuckled softly, watching me with a mix of amusement and sympathy.

“Yeah, that first hit always catches people by surprise” he said, patting my back gently. “Just take it slow. It’s not a competition.”

I laughed, still coughing a bit but determined. “Okay, okay. I’ll go easy.”

This time, I took a gentler pull, letting the smoke settle in my mouth before breathing it in, feeling a warmth unravel in my chest. I handed it back to him, trying to keep a straight face as I resisted another cough.

“See?” he said, his gaze softer, more relaxed. “Not so bad.”

“Not bad at all” I replied, feeling the first gentle waves of calm starting to spread through me.

We passed it back and forth, the silence between us comfortable, the flicker of his lighter illuminating the space between drags. I watched him, noticing the way his shoulders relaxed, his posture easy, the usual weight he carried seemed a little lighter here, away from the world’s eyes.

As the joint burned down, I couldn’t help but feel a new kind of connection with him, one that was less about the past or the future, and more about this shared, simple moment in the present.

I looked over at him, catching his gaze, and for a moment, everything felt like it was supposed to. Just us, like we used to be, but with a little more understanding, a little more honesty. The night air was still, the stars just beginning to peek through the branches above, and I couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, this was the start of something new for us.

The warmth of the weed had settled deep into my skin, making everything feel more alive, more intense. My senses were heightened, every little touch sending a thrill through me. I could feel his warmth, see every detail in his eyes, and I couldn’t help but let my gaze linger on his lips.

I shifted a little closer, feeling bolder, more curious. “So, are you going to let me in on more, or are you keeping all the secrets to yourself?” I teased, my voice a low murmur.

Chris’s mouth curved into a smirk as he looked at me, his gaze flicking to my lips before meeting my eyes again. “What else do you want to know?” His tone was smooth, with a hint of mischief that only drew me in more.

“Hmm” I said, leaning in a bit closer, my fingers lightly tracing the edge of his arm. “Maybe everything.”

The intensity in his eyes deepened, and I felt his fingers tighten slightly on my knee, the warmth of his touch spreading through me like a spark catching fire. His other hand reached up to brush a strand of hair behind my ear, lingering just a moment too long, his fingers trailing along my cheek. It was such a simple touch, but it felt electrifying, sending a pulse of warmth straight to my core.

“Careful” he murmured, his voice dropping low, almost a whisper, as his thumb brushed over my cheek. “You might get more than you’re bargaining for.”

I held his gaze, feeling the pull between us. “Maybe that’s exactly what I want” I replied softly, my voice steady but filled with a new intensity I hadn’t realised I had. I was aware of every inch of him, every movement, every breath.

He leaned in closer, so close that his breath brushed against my skin, and I felt my heart race, anticipation building between us. His hand moved up, fingers lightly tracing the side of my face, his touch soft but sure. I felt myself instinctively leaning into him, our faces inches apart, his gaze locked on mine with an intensity that made my pulse quicken.

“I don’t think I can hold back much longer if you keep looking at me like that.” he murmured, his voice rough around the edges.

“Maybe I don’t want you to.” I whispered, a smile playing on my lips.

With that, the space between us disappeared, and his lips met mine in a kiss that was slow, warm, and filled with a fire that felt like it had been building for ages. His hands found my waist, pulling me closer as I wrapped my arms around his neck, sinking into the kiss, feeling like I was falling and floating all at once.

The treehouse felt like it was spinning, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was this moment, this connection, as I kissed him back, letting the night and all my worries fade away.

Chris pulled back just slightly, his face close enough that our breaths mingled in the cool night air. His eyes searched mine, serious yet soft, as if he were weighing something deeply important. I could feel his hesitation, the way he was holding back despite everything between us.

He brushed his thumb along my cheek, his hand warm and steady. "Are you sure about this?" he asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t want you to feel.. pushed or anything."

I looked up at him, my heart racing but my thoughts perfectly clear. He was giving me an out, a chance to step back, and I knew he’d respect it if I did. But there was no doubt in my mind. I wanted to be here, I wanted him. Every inch of him.,

"Chris" I said, my hand gently resting over his. "I’m sure. This is what I want."

He let out a slow breath, relief flickering across his face, and his shoulders relaxed as he held my gaze. The intensity between us deepened, something unspoken passing as he studied me, seeming to memorise every detail. His thumb traced a small circle on my cheek, a gesture that felt both grounding and electrifying.

"Good" he murmured, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Because I don't think I could pull away even if I tried."

I leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his touch, and for the first time, any lingering fear or hesitation melted away completely. I

"Then don't pull away" I whispered, smiling up at him, inviting him closer.

He closed the small distance between us again, his lips finding mine in a kiss that was deep, slow, and filled with everything unspoken between us.

The next thing I knew, I was on top of him.

a/n : everything is just going so well atm!!!

taglist: @mattybearnard @sturn-33 @ncm9696 @yourfavsturniologirl @crazy4jewel @sodakid1234 @stupendoustreewinner @lovealwayssturniolos @matthewsturniolosss @m4ttsmunch @loveexxx @ilusa @starkeyszn @wonnieeluvvr @dylnblue @valxrieq @maggot3647 @cigarettecemetary @ribread03 @chrisstvrns @bandasaruswrx @noplaceissafeanymore @amexiass @witchofthehour @mattssgf @jetaimevous @v33angel @ivysturnss @urmom69lol @ashlishes @watercolorskyy @sturnioloshottiekay @amelia-sturniolo3 @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @pvssychicken @alizestvrnss @lvrsturniolo @bernardsbunny @spaghetti835928383 @marrykisskilled @sturnsxplr-25 @bxtchboy69 @vickytaa @anikaistg @matts-girlfriend @lvrsturniolo

[steddieas-shegoes]

CONGRATS ON 3000!!! ❤️ That’s so exciting!

For the ask game, I’d love to see your take on the song Heaven, Iowa by Fall Out Boy! (I vibe with “Scar-crossed lovers forever” as a Steddie-coded lyric but honestly whatever comes to mind for you when you hear the song is great!)

Congrats again!! 💕🎉

Thank you! I got a few different steddie-coded lyrics from this song, but the one you provided is good for something short, so I’m sticking with that! ♥️

〰️➿〰️➿〰️➿〰️➿〰️

He wasn’t even supposed to be here. Wayne specifically asked him to stop coming to the Harrington parties, didn’t want him to risk being caught when they inevitably got shut down.

He knows he’d be in deep shit if a cop managed to catch him and see what he had in his lunchbox.

But one of his best customers insisted he stop by, promising he knew enough people would buy his entire inventory. He wouldn’t have to stay long.

“That’ll be $30 for the bag, or $10 if you just want a joint,” Eddie told one of the girls who always gave him dirty looks in the hall to cover up the hungry look she gave him at parties.

“What about the harder stuff?” She asked, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

“Don’t have any on me,” he rolled his eyes. They should know by now he only handles those items when requested.

“Fine. Just a joint then.”

He exchanges his product for her money, another addition to his savings that seemed to constantly dwindle on useless. He never stopped trying though.

She was his last customer in the line that had built up in the kitchen, so he decided to make his way to the backyard to finish up. Not many people usually hung out there when it was this chilly outside, but he had to give it a shot.

The patio surrounding the pool was absent of people, but he decided to take that as a sign that he needed a minute alone.

He heard a sniffle and his head shot over to the table in the corner of the covered area.

“Harrington?”

What the hell was he even doing out here? Was he crying?

“I’ll be in in a minute.”

Jesus. He sounded like someone had tried to strangle him. Was he sick?

“Dude, you okay?” Eddie steps closer, hopes he doesn’t end up regretting choosing kindness. “It’s kinda cold out here.”

Steve was sitting in a chair, knees up to his chest, arms around his legs. His face was half-buried in his knees, but Eddie could still make out the shivering.

“Yeah. Just needed some air.”

“You shouldn’t stay out here long without a jacket, man.”

Steve didn’t respond.

Eddie was actually growing more concerned for him, like maybe he’d been drugged with something and couldn’t move.

“Hey, look at me,” Eddie snaps his fingers in Steve’s face, relaxing slightly when he glares up at him with surprisingly clear, but watery eyes. “You need a jacket.”

“I’m fine. Go back inside.”

“You won’t be if you sit out here much longer. You’ll freeze to death. And then I’ll have to live the rest of my life knowing I could have stopped it by making you go inside and I’ll die feeling guilty.”

Was it dramatic? Yes. Did it make Steve give the tiniest smile and lift his head to look at him completely? Also yes.

“It wouldn’t be your fault.”

There was a cut under Steve’s left eye, and as his eyes adjust to the light coming from the windows, he sees a purple bruise surrounding most of the left side of his face.

“What happened?”

“The crown was pretty heavy when it fell,” Steve laughs without humor.

Eddie feels his stomach sink further.

“Who did this?”

It’s not like Eddie could do much, but maybe he could at least make sure he didn’t sell to the guy.

“Doesn’t matter.” Steve placed his legs down, careful, like he was trying not to hurt himself more. “You got anything left?”

Eddie should say no. He should leave now, head to the comfort and warmth of the trailer, forget about this interaction entirely. Maybe give one awkward head nod to Steve at school on Monday as an acknowledgment he didn’t forget, but won’t say anything to anyone.

“Just the one joint. You want it?” Eddie set his lunchbox on the table across from Steve and sat down.

“How much?” Steve turned to face him, reaching into his pocket for his wallet.

“Free for the host.”

That’s not something Eddie ever did, but if anyone needed it, it was Steve.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Well, I am. You got a lighter on you?”

Steve shook his head.

“Then I light it and get the first drag. Deal?”

Steve nodded.

Eddie is gonna regret this entire interaction, but of all his regrets, it’s probably pretty low on the list, so he pulls his lighter out and does exactly what he said he would.

Steve is watching him so intensely, it’s almost enough to make him blush. He won’t, he hopes, but it’s a hell of an effort.

“This why you’re sitting out here instead of enjoying your party?” Eddie asked as he hands over the joint.

“Part of it,” Steve takes a long drag. “Just tired of it.”

“Tired of what?”

“All of it.”

An alarm starts going off in Eddie’s head, a reminder that Steve may seem like he’s got the entire world, but those who hold the world tend to lose their grip.

“All of it meaning…”

“All of this. The parties, the people who only like me because I have money and throw parties, the popularity contest I didn’t even ask to participate in, the fucking concussions and nightmares. I’m just-“ Steve takes another drag. “I’m just tired. You should go back inside.”

Eddie watches him lean back in his chair, his shirt riding up and exposing just enough of his stomach to see a scar. The moonlight reflects off the lighter line of skin.

“Nah. Kinda like it out here. It’s quiet. Company ain’t bad either.”

Steve looks back at him with a frown. “Don’t have to pretend to like me, dude. Everyone else already does that enough.”

“Who said I like you? I’m tolerating you.” Eddie smirks, waits for Steve to recognize he’s joking. When Steve relaxes, he nods towards the scar on Steve’s stomach. “Appendix?”

“What?” Steve glances down. “Oh. Yeah. When I was 12.”

“I was 14 when I got mine out,” Eddie lifts his layers to show off his matching scar. “My Uncle Wayne thought I was dying. He didn’t even know what an appendix was, let alone that it can cause all this trouble.”

“Yeah. My parents weren’t home when mine ruptured so I had to call the neighbors.”

Eddie frowns down at the table. “They leave you alone a lot? Even then?”

“Yeah. Not a big deal. I made it through okay.”

Okay isn’t the word Eddie would describe, but Eddie didn’t wanna argue.

“You eat a ridiculous amount of ice cream after?” Eddie’s smile grew when Steve nodded. “I convinced Wayne it was the only thing I could eat for nearly a week after.”

Steve laughed, Eddie smiles.

“You got a nice laugh, Harrington.”

He watches as Steve gets red in the face, a beautiful blush covering his cheeks and spreading down his neck.

“Not sure the last time I really laughed,” Steve admitted.

“Shame.”

Eddie stood up, grabbed his lunchbox, and walked around to stand in front of Steve. Steve looked up at him with glassy eyes, the high already sinking in.

“Want me to clear everyone out?” Eddie shouldn’t offer that, or anything. But Steve looks so lost, so tired.

“Nah. It’s nice just not being alone, even if it’s people I don’t like.”

“That’s fucked, man.”

“Yeah, well,” Steve shrugged. “Thanks for the weed.”

“Anytime.”

Eddie doesn’t know what comes over him. Maybe it’s the one drag of the joint he’d taken, maybe it’s the cold air, or maybe it’s just that annoying crush he’s had on Steve Harrington for years.

He reaches out, cups Steve’s cheek in his hand, and holds him for just a moment.

Neither of them say anything when Steve leans into it.

They don’t say anything when Eddie pulls away with a sad smile.

They won’t talk about it again at school.

But when Steve saves Eddie from the Upside Down a full year later, when he’s sitting at his bedside cupping Eddie’s cheek in his hand, they both seem to remember at the same time.

“We’ve got two matching scars now, Harrington.”

“Don’t think the appendix has anything on demobat scars, Munson.”

“What happened to calling me honey? I liked that.”

“What happened to sweetheart?”

Eddie let out a small laugh. “You’re gonna be trouble, sweetheart.”

“But I’m gonna be your trouble, honey.”

[shy-urban-hobbit]

“I mean, you’ve got to feel a little sorry for them really haven’t you?” Jaskier said from where he was mopping up the last of the evidence of the half dead rat Roach had thoughtfully decided to gift them (the first time it happened he’d shrieked in surprise before Geralt put it out of its misery with a matter of fact “Welcome to country living, city boy”). Geralt gave a non committal hum from where he was warming milk up for Ciri on the stove. The little girl sat colouring at the large kitchen table - too large for two, but that would change when Geralt’s brothers and any guests they decided to bring descended on them.

“I mean they’re just minding their own business like, Oh I’m a hungry rat. Please don’t kill me.” Here Jaskier put on a slightly squeaky voice and held up his hands in imitation of paws, still holding onto the mop, “And then wham one of the last things they see is Roach’s teeth coming towards them. So many teeth.” He gave the resident farm cat a critical stare and received a dismissive tail flick in response.

Ciri giggled at his antics which caused him to grin back at her in return. It always felt like a special sort of personal victory when he managed to coax a laugh out of the little girl.

Despite being together for six months, he was still being introduced to her as her father’s ‘friend’ (which was true enough, they wouldn’t be dating if they didn’t get along) and Jaskier was happy to go along with it. Geralt had explained without revealing too much that the little one had been let down by too many adults in her life already, himself included, and ‘boyfriend’ was maybe just a little too official sounding for the time being (and if he said his heart hadn’t broken a little for the five year old smiling at him from Geralt’s phone, he’d by lying), especially after the shit that had gone down with his ex. Geralt hadn’t gone into detail but from what Jaskier had gathered, the woman had had a hidden agenda in wanting to get back with Geralt and Ciri had almost gotten seriously hurt as a result. Geralt had blamed himself for jumping back into the relationship too quickly and so, any potential partners now had to pass what Jaskier had dubbed ‘The Ciri test’.  

He liked to think he’d passed the first portion with flying colours, the tiny blonde seeming perfectly comfortable with him in public places. Now they were dipping their toes into Jaskier staying in their home for longer periods, with Jaskier having graduated from the guest bedroom to sharing with Geralt the previous visit (the brunette wanting the ground to swallow him up when she happily informed her Uncle Eskel of ‘Daddy’s sleepover’ when the man had dropped by unexpectedly the following morning. Geralt had just shrugged and told him to be thankful it hadn’t been Lambert; who could and would, happily take the piss forever).

“Alright Ciri, put your things away and then go get your bedtime book. I’ll be in in a minute.” Geralt said, pouring the warm milk into a plastic My Little Pony cup.

“I want Jask.” Ciri declared form where she was trying to force the crayons back into their box by the (relatively small) handful, Causing both adults to stop what they’d been doing and stare at one another. This was new.

“You sure you don’t want daddy?” Jaskier asked, looking to Geralt for some sign as to what he should do.

“You do better funny voices. Daddy’s all sound the same.”

It took everything Jaskier had not to burst out laughing at that as he took in the minute eye twitch from the other man at that statement, “Geralt?”

Geralt nodded, “Mind if I stay and listen? You know how much I love The Gruffalo.”

Jaskier snorted and felt a surge of fondness. The lies we tell for our children.

It ended up being a joint effort, with Geralt guest starring as The Gruffalo “On account of you being so, well...gruff.” and admitting to a slightly too smug looking Jaskier and a mostly asleep Ciri that “Yes, Jaskier does better voices for everyone else. Especially Mouse.”

"Everything ok? You’ve gone all quiet on me.” Jaskier said from where he had his head in Geralt’s lap as they watched some mindless Netflix show. “I didn’t overstep did I?” He was suddenly frantic, his anxieties bubbling back up to the surface now that he didn’t have a performance and an audience to focus on, “I know you probably just said yes so things wouldn’t be awkward. I probably should have told her no and come up with an excuse but how can anybody say no to that face-“

“Jaskier. It’s fine, honestly.” Geralt said, rubbing his hands up and down Jaskier’s arm in a way he knew calmed him, “I’ve built up something of an immunity to Ciri’s puppy eyes. I would’ve said no if I had a problem with it. I’m just thinking.”

“About?”

“About how I might have a question for Ciri.”

The next morning saw Jaskier seeing both of them off with a hug (also accompanied by fishing a stray cheerio out of Ciri’s hair which he had been too tired to question) before heading back to his city apartment and his job as a music tutor.

“Ciri?” Geralt asked, putting her school backpack by the door as he knelt down to help her button up her coat, “You know how Aiden is Uncle Lambert’s boyfriend?"

It had slowly been killing Jaskier not to check his phone as soon as the text notification came through but he was nothing if not professional and he would not check his phone when he was in the middle of a lesson. Thank the Gods he did wait as he was prettu sure he gave his retreating student a minor heart attack with the squeal he let out at Geralt’s message:

‘Ciri has been proudly announcing to her classmates this morning that Jaskier is her daddy’s boyfriend. Much disappointment from the single mums.’

[what-have-i-unleashed]

chasing infinity

@howlsofbloodhounds for you my most enabling moot. i think this is way harder to write than anything i've written before so...

shamelessly ripping off arrival (2016) and story of your life. go watch/read it!!

(cw: suicidal ideation, abuse)

chara is about to turn their back on me as they excitedly go on and on about another game that they've thought of. i want to imprint every detail of this moment in my mind. the cadence of their cheerful speech, the unsuspecting smile on their face, the weight of my knife hidden in the sleeves of my jacket.

this is it. this is when it will all change. an end of a story, and a beginning of another one.

years from now, you'll have heard of this moment recounted by me. we will be sitting in a cafe at the corner of a small street as i finish my story. i will laugh at the gobsmacked expression on your face, and you'll splutter, your rainbow-colored flames sparkling like fireworks.

"what type of story is that?" you'll ask me.

"a tragedy," i'll say, sipping on my piping hot milk coffee. "as life is wont to be."

you'll argue that reality is not a story with a definitive end, and i'll humor you. i can't help but wonder though, what the genre of our story is. i've been wondering for a while. i know how the story will end - i've known for a while. in thousands of you's and me's out there, our story repeats itself over and over again, but i don't think i was, am, and will be tired of it. i wish i could tell you about our story some day, but we'll never have the chance.

i haven't understood how to feel about it, and i doubt i will ever do either.

i guess it is cliche to start the story at the very beginning, but maybe it is warranted. it was disorienting - the moment of birth. the softness of the golden flowers enveloped me, but it was small comfort in the face of the pain shooting across my body. everything about it felt wrong - the broken joints, the hollow face, the nakedness. and yet, it was right.

people say babies are born with limited eyesight that develop slowly after time. but i am doomed to forever be cocooned in infancy - a broken prototype of a being, just good enough to be allowed to exist with the rest of the world.

chara didn't mind me. "hello, partner," they said to me, minutes after i started to exist. i couldn't see them, only able to hear to voice so close to my head. "are you ready for the rest of your life?"

the secret is, i'm always ready. like that one time your friend delta will begrudgingly invite both of us to a hangout, i'll grab an umbrella on my way out. delta will look at me strangely.

"it's scorching today. what are you taking an umbrella for?" he'll ask.

"killer often has a sixth sense when it comes to unexpected things," you'll chime in for me. "and it doesn't hurt being prepared."

delta will squint his eyes at me, who will sport a not-so-innocent smile. "really?"

"really," you'll say before i can say anything, knowing that i'd cause a scene just outside the door just to rile the hotheaded skeleton monster up. "let's just go now, shall we?"

we'll leave our house that we'll have chosen together just three months before. the food at the bar that delta will bring us to will be just average, but you'll enjoy the atmosphere too much for me to say any disparaging comments. we'll sit together in a secluded booth - just the two of us - listening to terrible music and watching as the first snow rain fall down on the street. your hand will hold mine as i'll put my head on your shoulders, finally still.

waterfall is chara's favorite place to visit after new home. there is that one statue in the rainy corridor that they like to visit from time to time, most of the times without me. it is easy to tell that is a weakness to look into, but for some reasons i always refrained myself from doing so. too late now anyway.

like usual, chara took two umbrellas in the bin but neither of them was for me. i was ordered to leave them for an indefinite amount of time, and of course i had to be productive during that free time: finding flowey, finding the remaining survivors, finding new ways to entertain chara.

i went to the echo flower field this time. the usual scripted dialogue lines repeated themselves over and over across the field. i was trying to find anything new, anything that would indicate another change in this game, in this script, that would intrigue chara. this time, i found one.

"hey, do you think we're stuck here forever?"

"why would you think so?"

"... i don't know. it's just a feeling i have lately. everything's been too much."

"... yeah, i understand what you mean. but hey! maybe this won't be the end! maybe we'll get through this." a strained laughter followed. "come on, you're such a pessimist. it's good to practice some radical optimism once in a while, you know?"

"maybe. it's just difficult to have hope when everything is so, well, hopeless." silence. and then, "if you knew this would happen, what would you have done differently?"

"hmm i don't know-"

"-maybe i'd have tried to visit people i love more. tell them what i feel before, well, this happened."

"that's all you'd do?"

"like i said! i don't know what i'd have done. you're the one randomly asking me this!"

"mmmm sorry..."

"hey, no need to apologize. i know you're just as anxious about this as i am."

"don't want to make you feel sad, habibi."

"i'm not. being with you, it's the best thing to happen to me. i wouldn't have done anything differently."

it will be a full four years after we start to live together that you say the word. and i'll freeze. the world will stop as if waiting for what i'll say back to you.

"i love you too," i'll say, and you'll beam, arms carefully hugging my smaller body. i don't know what emotions i'll be feeling at that moment. logically, happiness. most likely, guilt.

i'll be thinking about what i think right now, and i'll laugh at it.

the medics will tell me that it is an inevitable conclusion of your condition, that they are extremely sorry for me to hear this. i'll tell them it's all fine, that i've expected this. and i'll know they won't believe me.

i know illnesses like i know my own body and soul - there's no difference between them. i remember the way the insides of my body burned for the first time, the agony, the delirium. it felt wrong, but it was so right at the same time. this was how i was supposed to be - this is how i will always be. and i've accepted that a long time ago.

chara once used my body as a flower bed. strangely, it was one of the most peaceful game they played with me. just lie there in the dirt and play dead - easy enough. the way the dirt was deposited into my skeleton frame was uncomfortable, but thankfully not painful. chara has always been interested in gardening, but they lack the patience for it. but this time, as they said, this time they would get it right.

"what do you want to grow?" i'd asked them before all of this, as i prepared to lie down in the pit i'd dug for myself with my bare fingers. it'd taken a long while, and my fingers were all sore and dirty by the time i was done.

"buttercups," chara hummed. "i miss them around here. asgore never has them anymore."

i didn't question how chara knew. i didn't question why they cared. i just accepted the answer as it was and plopped my body beneath the dirt. chara had taken care to put my soul somewhere else. somewhere safe. it was nice of them to do so, i thought.

my body, with all its needs, was nothing but a burden anyway.

i don't know if being with you will fix me. i don't know if you care about it. i don't understand you, truly. i wonder if i will.

but i don't have infinite time to think. the world doesn't stop when i languish in thoughts. i'll have infinite time later, but never now.

so i'll remember this moment - this last moment between me and a dead child who has been here for too long. i knew this would happen, that everything would come to this point. and then after this, there will be more to come. there will always be more to come. so i hold my knife above chara's head as their back is fully turned. after them, there will be another, then another, then another, then one day it will be you.

i can't wait to see you.

[inkedbookboyfriend]

Vulnerable StoryTime 2024 in review:

(Please do not reblog. But know if I can get through the following and still be super positive and optimistic, then so can you. I believe in you and hope my story helps)

2024... Wow, what a year!! Started off with new years day 911 call and getting admitted to the ER for a month. During that time I was dating a gal who I was in a volatile/narcissistic relationship with. We were planning on getting a place and I was going to raise her son as my own (that she was pregnant with when we met and already had 3 other kids so what was one more right 🤷🏻 i always wanted to be a dad) and kid was born in November and things were great. Then January happened. Got admitted for my flare up of ulcerative colitis and went through three infusion treatments and couldn't get it under control.

January 24th I woke up in my hospital bed screaming to "get it the f**k out of me" as my colon went mega toxic colon and I was distended the size of a beach ball (it was dead and exploding inside of me) had it removed. No more colon and was left with an ileostomy bag to shit in for the rest of my life (if I chose not to do jpouch procedure) and my life was forever changed.

I had almost died from organ failure due to malnutrition from not eating since December 2nd (was down from 207 in prime shape working out everyday to 150lbs) had a pick line put in with a bag of nutrients to keep me alive during this. The whole time in the hospital the girl I was dating never came to see me. We fought etc and not to mention on January 16th the baby passed away due to sids during that major icestorm we had (she lived two hours away in Eugene where it was very bad. So here I am almost dying, baby I was planning on being a dad to died, malnutrished, 150lb skeleton, lost my Colon, stuck shitting in an ileostomy bag and then she ghosts me (which I understood her baby dying I can't imagine how she felt)...

I get pushed out of hospital a week later and scared af, traumatized by so much of everything and get massive infection 3 days after being released and taken back to hospital. Surgery number two to insert drainage tube and was there most of February. Get out and have two massive wounds from on surgical line from the infection.

Then she pops back up out of no where and find out she was cheating on me and having a whole ass other full time relationship with another guy and she was cheating on him with another guy on top of that! Like wtf how is this possible! Literally extremely sick and twisted... so that ends! Then comes the worst shit you can say to another human being "Of course I cheated. You have a bag of shit stuck to the side of you. I'd never touch you again. No woman will. I was only with you for your money anyways and that's all you'll ever be good for now. No one wants to be with someone like that". Dude I've never been so hurt in my entire life.... I wanted to die after everything I had been through and still dealing with.

Back to health: so now I'm going to wound care 3 times a week to have dressing changed for a month then get a wound vac put on for another month and a half and during that time trying to learn to change this stupid bag lol (I had the hardest time doing that) now we're in May and end back up in the hospital for a week for infection again.

Then out of nowhere I wake up one night in pain! Horrible pain and can't move. Took 30 minutes to get out of bed and another month of Dr appointment and test and then get to rheumatologist to find out that my ulcerative colitis now attacks my joints like severe rheumatoid arthritis because it is an autoimmune disease. Even though my colon was gone it now attacks this, greeeeeat. So I now have to take an injection 💉 once a week on top of a ton of other meds and an ungodly amount of pain meds just to function daily. I still get flare ups but they are now short and fast lived. Few days max but they are rough and I hurt like he'll.

Then I meet Jessica. An amazing woman whom I adored and we would just talk for hours. She was a great woman and mom and she made me feel like a human being again. Helped restore my confidence and made me realize how much of a good man I really was. I gave her and her kiddo the world and summer and fall were great. However, she had alot of emotional Baggage and abuse she was dealing with from her ex (won't go into detail but was alot) and unfortunately it just wasn't going to work. We split up and that was rough too because it was a great relationship for what it was. Just wrong timing but we both got what we needed from the other to grow as people.

Then surgery number 3 happened during this time too and she was great (unlike the other one lol) and it went could to clean up all the scar tissue and and pull my stomach facia back together because it had split from the infection. But a day later I developed a hematoma along the whole surgical line. Basically a 13" blood clot and they had to go back into surgery again 2 days later.(#4 this year) and recovering this time was so much harder. Last few months had no energy and way more difficult due to the amount of trauma my body has been through.

Now I didn't cover all but the main parts. Here is what I took from this year.

It was the hardest, weakest, strongest and most challenging and growing year of my life. I had my lowest lows and my highest highs.

I found and lost love twice (which is surprising in itself considering I never date) I mourned the loss of a child, but I experienced him for a month and a half prior so was blessed with that even though he wasn't mine, I endured the most narcissistic/manipulative person alive, I found the most amazing, kind, loyal and encouraging person too, I learned true patience and understanding from her and her situation, I learned healing and self dependence on a level I never knew existed, I found myself after losing myself, I accepted total defeat and over came it, I found strength I never knew anyone could have, I found compassion and empathy in ways I can't explain because I also found true forgiveness and actually forgive Mariah for the evil she did.

Life is never what we expect it nor will it ever be perfect. We can only choose to be patient and understanding of everything we have and be fully grateful for life itself! It is so short my friends... so short. Make the most of it. Take chances. Take risks. Give yourself the opportunity to have an amazing life and be happy but most of all find your peace.

Find forgiveness and let go of the pain and hurt others caused you. We are not what has happened to us. We are not what anyone has done to us. Those were actions and choices reflecting on them. Let it go.

Find the people who choose you consistently day in and day out and please be kind.. always be kind to others because you never know what they're going through.

If I can get through and handle all that and still happy, smiling, helping others, trying to make as many people smile and laugh as possible, then you can get through whatever you're going through I promise you! I believe and have faith in you and am always here for anyone whoever needs to talk!

P.S.

GO TO DISNEYLAND & GET A TATTOO!!

(My cousin took me for the first time in my life, and it was my dream come true)

[neteyamyawne]

Inferno : Ignite ✦

Pairing: twin!neteyam x sister!reader x Sully family

Summary : y/n and neteyam were inseparable twins but as they grew up things got difficult with humans coming back on Pandora, they both got distant and neglected by their own in the process, what would be their next step? (For more info click on the summary link)

Parts : pt1 pt2 pt3 pt4 pt5

• Series masterlist

Angst ✦

❈ Warnings : angst, fighting, yelling, cursing, crying, bad parenting, ignorance, brother and sister Bonding, jealous (platonic), favouritism , regret, groveling, sad ending, toxic Jake? , Hurt no comfort, even more crying? Etc. Let me know if more.

❈ Word count : 4.2k , proof read.

❈ Note : I love neteyam and want him to live his best life, so this is my tribute to him 🤧

"word" - dialogue

❈ Glossary : omaticaya - avatar Navi clan, tsahik - spiritual leader of Navi clans, Olo'eyktan - leader of Navi clans, eywa - Navi deity , tsarekam - tsahik in training, ma'sa'nok - my mother, y/i/n - your ikran name, seze - blue flower (neteyam's ikran) , paysyul - water flower, sempul - father , y/n - your name.

The omaticaya clan was bustling with life and joy as their tsahik has given birth to their Olo'eyktan's first offsprings, though it was uncommon for twins to be born and were called sacred and gifts given by eywa herself as twins either kills the mother or one of them dies at the time of birth but this time it was a miracle as neytiri survived that painful period of time and came back alive with two beautiful children in her arms.

Neteyam and y/n were the pride and joy of Jake and neytiri's life, y/n being the absolute daddy's princess and clung to him with every given minute , he took her everywhere he could, strapping her to his chest and taking her to war meetings as the surrounding warriors didn't even dare to think about commenting on the sight in front of them, while y/n was with Jake, neteyam was a mama's boy and neytiri could never let Jake live down to it, always flaunting how her son always wants her and not him and his comeback is always how much y/n wants him but the banter always ends up with the four of them cuddling together in the hammock as they all drift to sleep.

»»————-　⚜ ————-««

Neteyam and y/n were like sun and moon, if one is leading the other follows right after, and that's how it always was, y/n would lead and neteyam would follow her, though they both never disobeyed their father's words, Jake was their role model, both y/n and neteyam followed Jake's orders as if there was no tomorrow but they still had their moments when suddenly neytiri became their favorite because now Jake wanted nothing more but pick them up and tickle them until they were convulsing in fits of laughter.

If y/n was seen somewhere then neteyam was surely around the same ground and vice versa so if any of the kids picked on one of them the other immediately stood up for them, the twins were inseparable, joint to the hips if you must and the village nothing but adored them, they were the future Olo'eyktan and tsahik in making afterall but even before that everyone just loved them for their bubbly and calm nature.

Jake carried y/n on his shoulder while neytiri held neteyam as they both walked towards the lake they all visited every week, but today was different, today they had news which would change the twins life probably forever….

»»————- ⚜ ————-««

Jake and neytiri both sat near the twins as they watched their kids run around chasing each other and splashing water every now and then, meanwhile Jake got distracted and seeing the opportunity the twins splashed water at their old man with all their might drenching Jake from head to toe while all neytiri did was laugh at the sight, huffing Jake got up and stormed towards the kids, picking them up , the squeals and laughter ringing through the forest, he threw both of them in the water gently, all the while laughing at the whole scene, soon it was getting dark as they cuddled together, that's when the parents decided to tell the news, "neteyam, y/n" neytiri started, she looked at Jake once more and he nodded for her to go forward " you know you both are brother and sister right now, hmm?" Both the kids just nodded their head, their little brains confused about why their mother is stating the obvious, "well, now you both will get to be big brother and sister in few months" but their confusion was still there as they looked at their father for clarification, Jake just smiled and said "well what mommy is saying that, there will be another person for you to play with in time, then you'd be big siblings to them" but the only thing the twins focused on was 'they will have another person to play with them!'.

Soon enough Two babies joined the family and the twins couldn't be any more happier, y/n held her baby brother, looking at her twin who held her new baby sister as well, they both smiled, Jake and neytiri were happy they accepted the new ones with so much enthusiasm, both the elder kids adored the babies, always carrying them, feeding then and taking care of them, neytiri and Jake have to plead with them to hold them because they never let the babies out of their sight, their protectiveness doubling over those little ones, and to add to it , tuktirey joined the family in the next two years, happiness was an understatement for the bustling family right now.

Jake and neytiri tried to not keep favorites and divide their attention but having 5 kids to take care of made them take the decisions, even though neteyam and y/n were the dream kids ,that made them have lo'ak in the first place, with little to no crying and obedient as ever, eywa blessed them with lo'ak and kiri that we're complete opposite of their older siblings, lo'ak got into trouble and kiri followed without a doubt, always together and tuk was tuk, in y/n's eyes tuk could do no wrong, she was her little baby sister after all. It had been a few years now, life was simple, everything was perfect…. Until it wasn't.

»»————-　⚜　————-««

Humans were back, they destroyed everything, again, took our newly built hometree, destroying it to the ground, and changing our lives forever.

~ y/n pov ~

It has been years now, since our former home was destroyed and those humans claimed our land without our permission, though the humans which lived with us helped us so much but they could only do little, raids became more frequent and dad's behavior changed with it, he insisted on me, neteyam and lo'ak calling him sir, drilling us into work, practices , and chores all throughout the day without a break, training was different other than that, it was like we didn't even have space to breath.

I sigh walking through the tent with 'teyam and lo'ak, tired as hell from today's work, i just wanted to nibble on some food and pass out in the hammock, sitting down near the circle i took ahold of my plate, nete' sat beside me and lo'ak on his left, kiri and dad sat side by side in front of me, mom in between lo'ak and kiri with tuk in her arms. I started eating my portion when my eyes fell on my sister who was talking and smiling with the man beside her, oh how long has it been seeing him smile like that, he never smiled at us anymore except for kiri and tuk or sometimes mom, i forgot about the food in my hand as i only stared at their interaction. I felt jealous, i know that i shouldn't be jealous of my own goddamn sister! But i was and it was gnawing at me, she gets to call him dad, she gets away with anything while i get scolded for hours for the same mistake, he took away my title of tsarekam and gave it to her because "she is more connected to eywa and can feel her more clearly" and i said nothing and happily agreed because c'mon she's my sister and i can see that she could be a better tsahik than me but it still hurts that he was the one initiating it. I was then named and trained to become neteyam's right hand in command after he became the Olo'eyktan.

Even after the other title, i just longed for my old dad, the one who pulled me close and comforted me and not scold the hell of me for it, he says "it's part of the training" or "it's my fault i should own up to it" after a mistake i did, while kiri gets the opposite. My mood just depleted more when i saw him laugh out loud for something she said, i was brought out of my trance when neteyam nudge me with his knee and i looked at him, he tilted his head giving me soft eyes conveying that he sees it too but i just shook my head, too annoyed at them to reply to him. I pushed my plate, losing my appetite all together, I got up thanking ma' sa'nok for the meal and walked out telling them I was going to feed y/i/n. I walked out to feed her/him but I didn't tell them how exactly I was going to do it. I always had my visor with me anyways.

I soared through the mountains, wind blowing through my hair but even this wasn't helping to lighten up my mood. The forest glowed beneath me, the eclipse will happen soon but I wanted to make every minute count before I have to go back. my thoughts were interrupted as a sudden gust of wind blew from my side, i knew who it was before i saw him, i just nudged him back, his laughter rang out. We twisted and twirled around each other, loops and drops forming in the air as we played for a while, afterwards we landed near a tree and let our mounts hunt for their food.

I sat with my knees tucked to my chest and my arms wrapping around them, my cheek pressed into my knee as I looked at neteyam, who was leaning on his hands, legs dangling down the edge of the branch. " You know how emotional kiri is, he just wants the good for us" he started but i just rolled my eyes at him, he's just saying that to make me feel good but even i know he feels the same, i scoffed and said " you really believe that? He has always done this! Sometimes it's like he favors her over us, answer me 'teyam when was the last time we called him 'dad'?" He stayed silent, he knew the answer well, sighing as he put his arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze of reassurance. I just leaned onto him, i remembered how many times we have been scolded by now ,We had bets placed sometimes between me, lo'ak and him on who would get scolded the most from dad, but it seems like lo'ak was in winning streak here. Neteyam's attempts at cheering me up were successful when he got up and jumped off directly calling for seze midair, my heart was in my mouth at his stunt, while he laughed at my surprised face,I flipped him off, I too got up determined to get back at him and chased him all the way back home, looping around him and blowing gusts of winds at each other.

I landed near the nest, laughing as i jumped down disconnecting from y/i/n, neteyam landed beside me laughing as well, both our hair were a mess but it was still so much fun we had after a long while, i turned around to walk towards our tent but my smile faded away when i saw our father standing near the tent entrance, neteyam froze in his tracks as well, yeah we were fucked, again, we both treaded our way towards him, keeping our eyes on the ground as we stood in front of him, wincing when he actually started talking " have you two seen what time it is? It's past the eclipse, I thought you were going to feed your ikrans and not fly with them!!" Grimacing at his tone, i said glancing at neteyam one last time "I'm sorry sir, it was a hard time finding the hunt, it won't happen again" he just scoffed "next time just feed what we have available, no need to go outside without my permission", my anger rose with it but i stayed silent not wanting to escalate further but then he spoke again "that's what I want, i expected better from you both, you're the eldest you should know better than this'' with that he walked straight inn, i just looked at neteyam, eyes squinted but he shook his head as in 'let it be'. I sigh defeated, as we both enter the tent, seeing everyone was in Their hammock, kiri fast asleep beside lo'ak who was snoring loudly, i got in beside him and tuk rolled onto me, i hugged her close pulling her inn, neteyam got in from the other side, pulling us all together, but sleep never came to me as i laid awake and my mind running back to the times my father scolded me again and again for nothing, it bothered me but it's not like anyone's gonna help, even mother was putting up a blind eye to it, i closed my eyes begging the great mother to grant me some semblance of sleep and she answered when i was sucked into , not a calm, but restless sleep…

»»————-　⚜　————-««

It's been a few weeks since that encounter but life's been the exact same if not worse, it's always 'y/n you're wrong' , 'y/n don't you understand?' , 'y/n what's wrong with you?' and same towards neteyam, we are both exhausted of this and mom didn't say word against it, i tried talking to her, telling her what's going on with me and my twin but every time she either dismissed it or simply replied with "it's for your own good" and that was that, i was getting frustrated minute by minute , so was neteyam, where i showed my anger a little bit , he completely hid it from everyone else and it was consuming him, i can see it everyday how he works silently, does everything alone and has stopped asking for help even from me. Our father's neglect towards us was making us fall apart.

I tried my best to keep us both sane, well atleast for while as i think we are still sane, our flights together were cut short by our dictator, instead, we were thrown into assembly of the upcoming raid, day and night we worked on strategic management and barely got any sleep while our "sir" was busy with work "we couldn't understand", complete bullshit but staying silent was better than being grounded for asking another question.

Now with new training sets, another batch of practice was dropped on us by our father. He demanded that we practice more because we were getting lousy…..his words not mine, as if we ever got a chance to even act lousy.

»»————-　⚜　————-««

We stood in front of our dad as he scolded us for the upteenth time now, why you ask? Well lo'ak took tuktirey out for adventure and they were attacked by some kind of animal i don't even remember now, why are we being scolded? Because we didn't see our precious little brother take tuk out as we were too busy with our training that he yelled at us to complete beforehand, so it was our responsibility to see each and every step our brother takes even when we were clearly busy with other things, it's our fault of course.

"How many times have I told you both to keep an eye on your brother but you don't understand do you? So until you both get on your senses you are grounded" he spit at us with venom in his voice, i looked at my mom for help but she just shrugged , as if this was alright ,making anger shoot through me, so this time i didn't stop myself, it was already getting dark outside the eclipse was nearing and what i said next made his eyes pop out, " if you're so adamant about us disobeying your orders to keep and eye on lo'ak, then why did you tell us to train for the 6th time today? we were doing what you fucking told us to! I don't have another set of eyes to keep them on lo'ak, he's a person in himself, he can think for himself, it's not our fault he decided to do something like that, we can't look after him eclipse to eclipse without not doing my work, which you demand from us, and if i don't do my work, you come and bite our ears off, yelling on and on how "lazy we are" or how "me and neteyam neglect our work to have fun", we haven't had "fun" in a long long time ,Sir, when was the last fucking time you held us close? Huh? When was the last time we called you 'dad'? …… Right, you don't fucking remember! Because it's been years!! Okay? I never said anything but i can't TAKE it anymore, all we do is follow your stupid orders day and night without a single protest but you think it's not enough and weigh down on us even more, I'm fucking done with this, it's better to die then live this nightmare any longer, we are tired and exhausted, so please just shut up for one moment and let us live!" I was yelling at him at this point, tears were streaming down my face, neteyam held me close, tears of his own running down his cheeks, we haven't slept in days, constantly working and worrying about the upcoming raid that he didn't even grant us permission to sleep, and i meant what i said i would rather die than live this all over again.

He looked at me shocked and surprised, his eyes trailing to neteyam who he stood by my side, backing me up because he had enough himself "she's right, sir, all we've been doing is work for you, we were training on your orders, we did not see lo'ak taking tuk out, but even if we did, she's his sister too, he has the right to have fun with her, so please we are both tired of everything, just let us go, we haven't slept in days because you want us up and running for your raid strategies and didn't even bother to ask if we are okay or not? I agree with y/n, i would too rather meet eywa then go through all this again.. please just let us be"

He just stared back and forth between us, his eyes showed no emotion, he looked cold and unforgiving and what he said next left us speechless "if you want to live under my roof, you will HAVE to follow my rules, and if doing that is gonna make you rebel against me then, be my guest, I'm more than happy if you pack up your bags and get the fuck out of my house!" and believe me when i say i never wanted to punch my father in the face, ever, then i want to right now, i recovered from my shock quickly, my blood boiling at his statement, he would rather have his kids gone then let them live like they have a life of their own? If that's what he wants then he'll get just that.

I straighten my spine and looked at my twin who had the same look as i did and we both knew what we had to do, we stormed inside the tent and started packing the necessary things we needed for at least a week, mom was crying and stopping us both from doing it, getting in between us , yelling at us to stop and listen to her, but we did not stop for one second,she had the chance to be heard and listen but she blew it off, while our father was just staring at us from the entrance with no regret of his words thrown at us, whatsoever, that's fueled my anger even more, picking up the bags we started to walk out but mom dropped down on her knees in front of us as she begged " ma'y/n, ma'neteyam don't so this, it is wrong, your sempul was wrong, I'm sorry i should have stopped this before, please do not leave us like this" she was crying even more than before now, i just rolled my eyes at her and gently removed her hand as did neteyam, we just shook our head, this was it, we had enough of this , we walked out calling for our ikrans when two small arms wrapped around my thigh.

I looked down to see tuk who was crying, her big doe eyes glassed over with tears, with wobbly lips she said "please don't go tsmuke, i love you, please, we can go make flower crowns together if you're sad, you can come with us too tsmukan" i dropped down to her level and kissed her forehead, neteyam following my moves, we pulled her in for a hug as i said " it's okay tuk tuk, but we can't live here now, one day if eywa wants us too, we'll see eachother but before that i will always miss you and keep you close in my memories ma' paysyul" she just nodded even if she didn't understand the depth of my words, she just nodded sniffing, i don't know if the next time i see her, she'll even remember me or not, neteyam said his goodbyes too and we mounted our beasts, we were about to be airborne when a voice called out "you are making a mistake, both of you, we can sort this out, you still have time, you can apologise and it would be all good" and i looked at him shocked, he had the audacity to say that we can sort this out by apologising to him when we didn't even do anything to begin with! In that moment, for the very first time, i hissed at him, baring my fangs on display for him to see, he was taken aback by that and neteyam didn't hold back from hissing either, with that we flew off, in search for a new home for us….

»»————-　⚜　————-««

~ 3rd person pov ~

Kiri and lo'ak were shocked to hear that their siblings have left them for good, they both saw how they were treated but never got in between because they were too scared, but now how they wished they would have so this day would not have existed, neytiri was a complete mess, blaming Jake for driving their kids away from them, she knew she was to blame as much as Jake because y/n had come to her, tried to explain that this was taking a toll on them but she did not hear her, simply trusted Jake on their training and now this was the result. Tuk was crying in her father's arms, not knowing when she'll get to see her tsmuke and tsmukan. Jake was now regretting his actions and words, he shouldn't have been so hard on them, they were his kids! What was he even thinking? But it was too late now, why did he have to say that even when they were departing for good? The weight of the situation weighed down on him when they both hissed at him, for the first time in ever, his kids, his twins, his first born's! How did he fucked up so bad that the only option left for them was to fly away from them….from Him.

That day, all of the omaticayans searched for the beloved twins till the end of the next eclipse but they were nowhere to be found, the whole clan mourned for them for days on end, praying to the great mother for their return but still they never came back, neytiri wept for days for her babies, regretting all her answers towards them, begging eywa to give her children back, yelling at Jake for what he had done but soon accepted her kids were never coming back, they were gone…. forever and she will not get to them grow up any longer.

Jake sat near the tree of souls, memories of his dear twins playing on and on, what has he done? Will he ever get to meet them again? Would they ever forgive him for this? Tears rolled down his eyes, away from everyone he let himself cry, sob for his kids that he so cruelly shoved aside and now he's facing the consequences of his actions, he will never forgive himself for this, never, he just wants his kids back and he's ready to do anything it takes to get them back but it was too late now…..the only thing he can do is wait for them, even if it means forever, he ignited this inferno that he's burning inside of now.

A/n : this took so much time, but i love the way it turned out, I'm brain storming ideas for the next part, so please if anyone has good ideas let me know 🙏🏼💚to be tagged in this series, comment on my posts ✨

Yawne : @fanboyluvr, @callmeoncette, @lu-the-ghost-reader, @brisbriskett, @saltedcoffeescotch, @ducks118, @itscheybaby, @jackiehollanderr, @zoetrope1997, @yeosxxx, @persefolli.

© Neteyamyawne 2023 | All Rights Reserved. Do not repost on other platforms, copy, steal, or translate any of my works!

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

A Fresh Start [14]

Din Djarin x F!Reader

Warnings: self doubt, anxiety over appearance, past medical trauma, sexual tension, like so much sexual tension, some heavy petting, slow burn (i use it as a warning here b/c it’s gonna feel like an attack by time you’re through with this chapter lol)

Word Count: 4,682

Summary: When you made plans for your future they never involved being hired by a Mandalorian to baby-sit his adorable, green gremlin of a child. However, after your life fell apart in the span of one disastrous night, you found it to be the only feasible option you had left. Nevarro was a far cry from Coruscant, but the thriving community turned out to be exactly what you needed. Every day you spend in Nevarro you fall more and more in love with your new life, but when your past rears its ugly head you find that perhaps peace wasn’t meant for everyone.

Ch. #14: AM I MAKING YOU QUIVER?

Chapter Summary: Exploration and Anticipation

“i must have loved you in other lives because when i see you it feels like coming home. no one makes me feel more myself than you. when my hand is in yours it’s familiar and safe, like i’ve known your soul since the beginning of time, through all the lives i’ve lived. maybe that’s why my love for you is infinite.” --m.m.

This was the first time you woke up beside Din. Up until now, every moment that involved him taking you to bed or falling asleep on him ended with you waking up alone. Alone or with Grogu. Din always seemed to be up before you. There was absolutely nothing comfortable about the cot you were laying on. At baseline it was hard and covered with crinkling, thin sterile paper. It was also only large enough for one person. Which, granted, with Grogu alone on it the cot had looked massive, but now it held Din, Grogu, and you. You were startled that you hadn’t woken up on the floor.

You had Din to thank for that. He laid on his back, armor and helmet present, with Grogu sleeping soundly on his chest. You laid half on his side, curled around him, but he had one arm under you and resting on your waist clinging to you tightly. Saving you from sleeping on the hard, tile floor wasn’t the only thing you had to thank him for.

Last night had been… difficult. Nothing short of the Maker himself was going to stop you from doing everything in your power to heal Grogu, and even then the Maker might not be able to hold you back, but the cost had been steep. The moment your body registered that Grogu was safe, vitals steady and father in the room, you had crumpled in on yourself like a dying star. Every single demon that called your mind home crawled out of the wood works to plague you.

Surely, you thought, they’d devour you whole and leave you an empty shell. Yet, here you were. Still alive, still functioning, and⏤ dank farrik⏤ you were content. Content, borderline happy. An emotion you thought would be impossible after the events of last night. You felt safe. Lying here, watching Din and Grogu sleep peacefully, Din’s arm clinging to you, you felt like there wasn’t a force in this galaxy that could touch you. Over the last year, a lot of people promised that you’d be protected. Many swore that nothing would hurt you. 

Din was the only one you believed.

Despite wanting to stay in this moment forever, you knew you needed to rise. There were things you needed to collect and, though you had revealed a lot of who you were last night, it’d be nice to not have an audience. Carefully, you untangled yourself from Din’s arm. He stirred for a moment, but you whispered a reassurance. It was a testament to how exhausted the Mandalorian was as he laid his head back and dozed off once more.

As you stood, that’s when the aches began to settle from the night you had. The cot, and technically Din’s armored body, had not been forgiving to your skin, bones, or joints. You stretched as you walked over to the medical shelves. You wanted to make another two doses of the antipyretic, just to have on hand, and an additional dose of antibiotics for Grogu to take. It was overkill, technically, but you didn’t care. It was also mildly illegal for you to take some of these supplies home, but who was going to stop you? Daelar? That coward was off world so he had no say over this clinic, and you had a pretty solid relationship with the Marshal. Enough so that you doubted he’d be arresting you for this.

Quietly, you worked with practiced ease compounding the medications. Without the added stress of a ticking time bomb in feverish child form, you were able to find the action calming. That is until a figure settled next you. Her presence startled you at first, but you recognized the girl you held at gunpoint only hours ago.

“Oh, Aayla, hey.” You greeted in a whisper, to not disturb Din, “I’m sorry about last night. With the blaster and the⏤”

“No, no. Don’t apologize.” Aayla replied. “You were incredible. This is incredible.” She motioned to the medicine you were half done compounding. “I think I’m in love with you.”

“Wait, what?”

“I came here to gain experience before I apply to medical school, and I was so disappointed with what I found.” She said. The girl was practically bouncing in place. “But now I have you! Oh, I am so excited to work with you!”

Your fingers froze and you slowly shook your head. “No. No, no, no, no. I’m not⏤ We’re not⏤”

Aayla tilted her head in confusion. “You’re gonna be the new on site physician, aren't you?”

Maker, in your panic last night had you just told everyone you were a doctor before? You shook your head. You needed to get this done. The sound of Din stirring made you glance over your shoulder toward him. You hummed, “Aayla, can you take out Grogu’s IV? Have you done that before?”

“I have!” She rushed away and you took that as a victory.

Din sat up on the cot at her approach, Grogu still cradled in his arms, and you sighed in relief once more. Grogu still hadn’t woken up, but that didn’t surprise you. You had made both medications last night with a sedative effect. The poor kid needed as much rest as possible. All thoughts were interrupted when Din’s t-shaped visor lifted from Grogu to focus on you. You physically felt his eyes on you and a thrill ran down your spine all the way to your toes. You quickly turned back around and went back to work. You were nearly done with the last one. Would’ve been finished by now if Aayla hadn’t caught you off guard.

As if the universe knew you were trying to stay focused on task and wanted to distract you, an all too familiar form silently approached. Din towered over you, quite the sight in all his beskar, and though his presence hadn’t surprised you the way he curled around you did. Din rested one hand on the counter, his other wrapped around your waist, and he leaned into you so the side of his helmet was pressed against the side of your face. The man might as well have set you on fire with the flamethrower connected to his vambrace. Heat warmed your cheeks and flooded into every nook and cranny of your body.

This was hardly the first time he had broken the barrier to touch you, but this was the first time it wasn’t spurred on by some emotional turmoil. You hadn’t expected him to be so casual. To openly touch you in this way. 

“Hi.” You mumbled, unsure of what else to say.

A low, rumbling chuckle spilled out from the helmet’s modulator and the sound made your breath catch in your throat. Din squeezed your waist. “Hi.” He nodded his head down toward your hands. “What are you doing?”

“I, uh, I’m…” Habit told you to lie. You were supposed to keep this a secret. Nobody was supposed to know about your past. Your logic argued that it was a little late for that and telling Din you were ‘making mixed drinks with the medical supplies’ wasn’t going to convince him of anything. “Medicine.” You blurted. Mentally, you cursed your lack of allure and tact. Maker, why did Din make you babble like an idiot? For once, could you just be cool? Give off an air of mystery and intrigue like he was able to? Kriff. “Uh, medicine for Grogu. Just in case.”

“Good.” He replied. “Smart.”

“What can I say? I have my moments sometimes.”

Din hummed out a sound of amusement, but before you could commend yourself for saying something marginally clever and well thought out, you felt his gloved fingers brush just under the hem of your shirt. The leather warm and firm on the bare skin of your abdomen, and your entire brain short circuited at the motion. 

“You almost ready to go home, ner kar’ta?” He whispered.

Voice broken, you nodded dumbly. Din chuckled once more before pulling back and walking back to the cot. Maker. Oh, Maker. You glanced over your shoulder to watch him saunter away. He didn’t do it on purpose, he didn’t seem to know what his gait did to the people around him, but you could watch Din walk for hours. It was such a casual and strong pace⏤ confidence oozing from every step.

For weeks now, you had been fighting an emotional connection to this man. You were terrified of messing up the good thing you had. It couldn’t be argued that the ship of staying distant had sailed. The wall between the two of you, emotionally speaking, was a pile of dust now. The physical thoughts? Those had always been easy to swat away. You forced yourself to not let your mind wander on his hip to shoulder ratio. To not think about the sliver of flesh you’d see at home between the waistband of his sweatpants and the hem of his shirt. To not think about his strong arms and the way they would feel wrapped around you.

You had been so good about it. Up until now, that is.

Now? Dank farrik, you wanted to jump his bones. 

Maybe it was the excess adrenaline from everything that happened last night, or maybe it was you being too weak to hold back those primal thoughts, but regardless of the reason the desire was there in full force. Your eyes traced him from boots to helmet once more. He was standing by the cot watching Aayla work with his hands on his hips and his head faced down in a studious manner. Oof. A man covered head to toe in metal and the woven material of a flight suit should not look this good. The man didn’t have a single patch of skin showing, yet you were foaming at the mouth feral for him.

As if reading your wanton thoughts, Din’s gaze snapped to you. Your eyes widened. Though you couldn’t see where his eyes were trained, you still flushed as if he were raking over your form, and when his head tilted to the side it felt like your heart seized in your chest. Double oof. You whipped your head back around, swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat, and tried to get back to the task at hand. Focus, focus, focus.

Medicine for Grogu first, eye fucking his father second.

They had slept in the clinic far longer than Din had thought. The quick trip back home was made in early morning light and the city was beginning to come to life. Normally, this would frustrate him, but Cara had left him a note saying that Karga was excusing them of all duties today⏤ as a thanks. Any issues would run through him. In any other scenario, Din would argue over this plan, but today? No, today he was going to send Karga a damned fruit basket as thanks when he got the chance.

There was a very long list of tasks Din had to accomplish. He needed to hunt down Daelar so he could rip the man’s cowardly spine from his body and beat him to death with it for leaving his son and you without medicine. He needed to repair his vambrace so the communicator would work once more. He needed to ensure Grogu was healing properly⏤ though you were handling that better than he ever could it seemed. And a few other dozen items he always had on his to-do list. One of the more important things on his list of goals for the day? You. 

Din knew he had a bad habit of tunnel vision. He knew because people told him this constantly. He tended to make a goal and then barrel through any obstacle or issue with blinders on until he got what he wanted. It was part of the reason why he was so good at bounty hunting, though it was also the reason why he found himself in so many messes over the years. Today, it would come in handy because you were at the end of this tunnel.

“How much longer will he be asleep?” Din asked. Grogu was bundled up in his arms as the two of you entered into the house. 

You set the bag of supplies you had taken from the clinic onto the kitchen counter then shrugged. “If I had to guess…a couple more hours?”

“Good.” Din replied. Without another word, he began the journey to his room. First things first, he needed to get his son settled. The last time Din had seen Grogu sleep so soundly was when they first met and he saved him from the mudhorn.

Carefully, he tucked the boy into his hammock and shuffled through the toys below to find Grogu’s favorite stuffed frog. Din set it in the hammock as well and took a minute to breath out a sigh of relief. Maker, he was thankful Grogu was safe and healing. He was thankful for you, and he wanted to show that to you in any and every way you’d allow him.

Din stepped back and began to peel off layers of his beskar. The gloves and his gauntlets fell away first followed by his shoulder pieces and his torso. He had even shrugged out of the tight upper half of his flight suit leaving him in the plain t-shirt that sat beneath. His hands drifted to undo his belt, but he heard you pass by his room on the way to the bathroom. Din paused in his process and walked out of his room⏤ almost like a man possessed. As he shut the door behind him quietly, as to not rouse Grogu, he heard the sound of the shower kick on. His body was moving before he fully registered the motion, and his knuckles rapped against the wooden door.

“Yeah?” Your muffled voice called out.

“Can I come in?” It was a weighted question, he knew, and judging on the silence that followed it you were aware of this as well. Your eventual reply was a soft affirmative noise, and Din found himself pushing the door open slowly. He’d keep all his movements slow. Din would give you every opportunity to push him away. The relationship between the two of you was a series of lines drawn in the sand, and Din knew he was blowing past every single one right now.

You stood at the bathroom counter, back to the mirror, and the shower off to the side was already running. His helmet’s sensor told him the water beating down was ice cold. 

“I was thinking a, uh, shower,” You cleared your throat, eyes not leaving him, “might be the best thing for me right now.”

Din gave a small nod. Then took another step in your direction, “I can help with that.” Din said every word slowly, took every step slowly, in order to give you every opportunity to stop him. “If you’d like.”

The corner of your lips twitched up, a sight that made him ache, and you shrugged. “The buttons on this shirt were really tricky.”

It was the only invitation he needed to close the remaining space between the two of you. Din cupped your face with his bare hands, thumbs caressing your cheeks, and he tilted your head up just so he could look at you. Maker, you were gorgeous. The light in your eyes, the way you glowed when you smiled, it put the stars to shame. 

“You’re a work of art, ner kar’ta.” He breathed.

“What does that one mean?” You asked softly. “Ner kar’ta.”

Din tilted his head with a chuckle, “If I told you, I’d have to come up with a new nickname to call you.” 

His fingers trailed down your neck and found the buttons that started at your collar. Din continued to move slowly as he undid each button of your shirt, but this time it was for his own sake rather than yours. He wanted to savor every second of touch he had with you. He soaked in the soft gasps you made every time his cold fingers brushed against your warm torso. 

“I like this look on you, by the way.” You whispered. Din hummed in response⏤ too busy admiring your bare skin to be decent at holding a real conversation. You leaned forward enough that he could pull the shirt down off your body leaving you in only a bra. “The t-shirt. With the beskar plated pants and boots⏤ plus that helmet. You’d have bounties quivering.”

Din ran his hands across your belly, over your sides, then up your back. So close now that his chest was pressed against yours. He kept his voice low and quiet. “Am I making you quiver?” The sharp breath you sucked in was a sound he’d have memorized for the rest of his life. Din let his hands explore your upper body determined to memorize that as well. 

Eventually his hands made it back to your chest and he let his fingers brush against the scar on your collarbone. Briefly he felt you stiffen. “Mesh’la.” Din reassured, then followed it up in a language you’d understand. “Beautiful. You are so kriffing beautiful, ner kar’ta.”

Din traced his hands downward, pausing over your breasts, then continued to drag his palms over your abdomen⏤ his thumb dipped against your navel. When his hands reached the waistband of your pants, he undid the button and zipper then knelt down in front of you. Din helped you step out of the first pants’ leg and he held his hand behind your knee allowing his thumb to tenderly caress circles against your calf. Din stared up at you the entire time. The pupils of your eyes were blown wide with desire and your tempting lips were parted. It was a look that Din wouldn’t mind staring up at forever. He’d spend the rest of his life on his knees for you if it meant you’d continue to look at him in this way.

“Pretty girl.” Din hummed as he worked to get your other leg untangled from the rest of your pants. He focused his gaze back to eye level and took in a shaky breath. Your dark underwear was a shade darker at the center, a damp spot he could just barely see, but it was enough to tell him you were in the same state of being nearly undone by the other. It was a match to the near painful hard on he had pressed against the thickness of his flight suit’s pants. 

It was absolute torture to be so close to what he wanted, but still be separated by so much. Din had never been so tempted to rip the helmet off his head just so he could press open mouthed kisses up your thigh to your damp center. He was an Apostate anyways according to the covert. That title just might be worth it for a taste of you.

“Din.” You breathed his name and he shuddered in response.

Maker, he wanted you to know how much you meant to him. Din wished he could string together paragraph after paragraph about how you made him feel. But, he was bad at talking. Din didn’t have the skills to voice how strong his thoughts were. Action though? Oh, Din was very good at action. And, he planned to reveal how strongly he felt for you with every touch he was allowed. You said Grogu would be asleep for another few hours. Din didn’t think that was near enough time, but it would be a good start to how he planned to worship your body.  

He may not be able to use his mouth, but years of being bound by this barrier made him very, very good with his hands. Din hooked his fingers under the bands of your panties with full intention to rip them off of you, but your hands suddenly landed on his.

Worried, his head snapped up to gauge if you were alright. “Cyar’ika⏤”

“I’m okay. I’m more than okay, I’m⏤” You took a slow, shuddering breath. “But if you get started, I’m going to absolutely fall apart, Din.”

“That’s exactly what I want, pretty girl.” Din chuckled. As the other nickname left his lips, Din wished he knew your real name. Calling you Soran, knowing the little he did, felt wrong. Another chuckle escaped him. It wasn’t often he was on the curious end of this conundrum. 

You ran your hands over his forearms, to his elbows, and you tried to pull him up to stand. Din, reluctantly, stood back up so he was towering over you once more. The bright smile that filled your features was enough to make it worth it. You reached out and set your hands on his shoulders. “It’s my turn to explore.” Din tilted his head, in genuine confusion, and you dragged your hands down to his abdomen. The tips of your fingers brushed against his bare skin and his entire body stiffened in response. “You’re wearing too much clothes.”

Din hesitated, only for a moment, before he reached back to grasp the collar of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. A nervous energy settled in his chest as he let the shirt fall to the bathroom floor. Din watched you as your small fingers ran across his abdomen, chest, and arms. Every scar you came across, you spent the time tracing it softly as he had yours. 

“Mesh’la.” You said though the pronunciation was just slightly off. He chuckled and your smile widened. Your hands trailed to his back and he felt you lightly dragging your nails against his skin. Goosebumps formed on his skin. “I’m serious though, Din. I could spend all day staring at you⏤ touching you.”

Din couldn’t help but shake his head. “You don’t have to lie. I think I have more scars than normal skin, at this point.”

“I’m not lying.” You replied. He didn’t think he could be more surprised by your actions, but you leaned in and pressed your lips against a rather gnarly patch of scarred skin on the left side of his chest where a vibroblade had cut through the armor he had before his beskar. Honest to Maker, an actual whimper slipped from him as his eyes fluttered closed. You continued on. Taking the time to press your lips against every scar you could find while mumbling about how beautiful he was between each one.

Din had never been so intimate with a person before. He was no stranger to sex, to carnal desires, but up until now every encounter had been a means to an end. Quick and to the point. Nearly every time, he’d still have on every piece of his armor. The partners he found would be in various stages of undress, but Din never felt comfortable enough to match them in that state. Everything about this moment was starkly different. He felt safe and he treasured every single tender second that passed. He craved it. Din craved you. Another difference. Before now, his sex life had been a series of hit and runs. Never the same person twice. It wasn’t necessarily a conscious choice, but Din was always traveling and nothing tempted him enough to return and repeat. 

You were not those other partners. Maker, he’d never get enough of you. Din knew that without a doubt and he technically hadn’t even fully touched you yet. That was the stranglehold you had on his mind, body, and soul.

When you pulled back, Din reopened his eyes to stare down at you. He cupped your face once more and for what had to be the thousandth time he wished he didn’t have a wall of beskar separating the two of you. Your hands lifted to hold over his then trailed down to his elbows. Without looking away from him, Din felt your hands on his abdomen. Tracing lower, lower, lower. You undid his belt then buried your hands into his pants to pull them down further. He could feel your hands against his thighs, and it was absolutely pathetic how close he came to falling apart just by having you near his cock.

The sudden loud banging of someone beating their fist against the front door of the house drifted down the hall into the bathroom, and it was just as jarring as if Din had stepped into the cold shower himself. Both of you froze, his hands cupping your face and your hands still buried in his pants. A beat of silence made Din hopeful, but it was followed by a now repeated banging that did not stop.

Din let out a groan and let his head fall forward to lightly rest against your forehead. His frustrated words came out in a near snarl. “I’m going to kill whoever is at the door.”

The sound of your quiet laugh loosened the tension in his shoulders but did nothing to the new level of frustration he had. You pulled your hands out of his pants, a loss that devastated Din, and placed them over his again.

“Well, you know what they say about anticipation.” You said.

“No.” Din shook his head. “I don’t. What do they say?”

Your smile turned sheepish as you shrugged. “I, uh, I don’t actually know.” Din’s lips curled into a smile of his own. “I didn’t think you’d call me on that. To be honest, words just sort of fall out of my mouth when I’m with you.” Din chuckled, and you squeezed his hands. “I don’t think my brain works right when my skin is touching yours.”

Din knew lust. He could recognize the hot, burning solar flare it tended to be. It was blinding. Like, a comet rushing by him leaving him spinning in the heated sparks of its tail end. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel that way with you⏤ Maker, knew that wasn’t the case⏤ but with you there was something else. It came on so slow that he didn’t even realize he felt the comforting warmth until it was nestled deep in his chest. The feeling planted roots in his soul and blossomed into something he couldn't live without. It was invigorating. It was life. It was standing in the sun on a warm day and soaking in every ray of warmth. 

“I need to answer the door.” You mumbled. “Before the knocking wakes up Grogu.”

Din nodded with another sigh. You turned your head, pressing your lips to the palm of his hand, then stepped away from him. You leaned over to turn the shower off⏤ the shower neither of you ever made it to⏤ and he bent over to scoop up his shirt. Din held it out to you. A deliberate decision. You raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t hesitate to pull his too large shirt over your head. Din nodded at the sight of you, appeased at seeing you in his clothes.

“I’ll be right there.” Din said as you hurried away. 

When he knew you were a safe distance away, he pulled his helmet off and rubbed his face with his hands. Anticipation. Din had been on the edge of anticipation for much too long. He was sliding straight into sexually frustrated now. At this rate, when he finally did get a taste of you it might just kill him. 

“Mando!” Your voice called out. He had already gotten used to hearing you use his name after one day. Enough so that the moniker disappointed him. Still, Din felt a flash of pride that his trust had been rewarded. He didn’t even need to tell you not to use his real name in front of others. You just knew. “It’s Karga!”

“I’ll be right there.” He called back and grabbed his helmet. Din would have to step back into his room to dress back into his gear before meeting the High Magistrate. One thing was for certain, he would not be sending Karga a kriffing fruit basket anymore.

mando’a translations

Mesh’la: Beautiful /// Cyar’ika: Sweetheart /// Ner Kar’ta: My Heart

taglist

@aheadfullofsteverogers @yyiikes @kneelforloki @c-ms1ut @sgt-morgan @luthienaliceisilra @fawn-kitten @missbabyjay @coldlamaspersonspy​ @dilfsaremyfavourite @jamesbuckybarnes @yorkeylover​ @teawrites01​ @emily-roberts​ @djarinxore​ @impala1967666​ @shelbyteller @faithrenner​

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for leaving my friend groups Discord server?

💐💐💐 So I can find this later. For context, I was in 2 servers that were friend groups, where my friends would all interact with each other, play & stream games, etc. However, recently we had a situation where someone, let's call her Sasha, would send many vent messages in the general channel, then delete said message before we could respond or even look at the messages, & get mad at us for not responding. She'd also complain about everything that happened in her life, school, in games, & she'd always repeat the same things, over & over again. In the end, we got tired of how she was forcing everyone to stop being as active in the server because of her behavior & actions, so we all made another server, without Sasha, so we could interact with peace without her interrupting conversations. This all happened 3-4 months ago. Then 3 of the people in our new server got a game on Roblox, Deepwoken. Another person, let's call him Kevin, already had the game for a while, so they all got the game & started playing all together. They were incredibly passionate about it, it would be the only thing talked about. One of them got me the currency to get Deepwoken, so I could play with them all. A while later, I got a hang of the game, then when I asked if any of them could play with me, one of them, let's call him Tim, would keep telling me that "Oh, you have to play the game alone to get the real experience, & to learn things better." every time I would ask. Sometimes, rarely, they'd answer some questions I had about the game that I didn't quite grasp yet, & a lot of the time i'd just, not receive any answer. After a while, I got tired of how they didn't respond to me at all, so I just stopped playing. Keep in mind, I don't have any other friends that have the game, so I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it. I love my friends but I felt ignored & was hurt, so I passed ownership to another friend of mine, & left. About a day after leaving, I ended up feeling extremely depressed & overwhelmed with schoolwork, eye appointments, a random limb & joint pain that I had no idea why I was having, & I accidentally unfriended Tim. With my being extremely overwhelmed, thinking it was a good idea at the time, I sent him a message saying "accidentally unfriended u mb. u could also not accep, that works too" Then another message after that one, "okay well um, im gonna assume that you arent going to accept it again so thank you for all youve done for me before you say that im making it sound like i gave up; i have given up i gave up a little while ago" After that, I got a message from him saying that I needed to calm down, that my friend request wasn't the most important thing in his mind right now, & that he's allowed to put it on hold for at least a day before I start telling him some "nvm shit". I sincerely apologized & told him that I needed to take a break, that I hope he's doing okay, & that I hope college goes well for him. I did indeed, take a break, for only 2 weeks because I felt extremely guilty, stupid & reckless. Those weeks felt like forever because that whole thing was on my mind 24/7. It was eating me alive. & No, I am not saying to gain pity. Just trying to explain what I felt. Tim answered, told me that I should grow & change as a person, & that he doesn't mean it in a condescending way, that the server was meant to be a safe space, that in order to make everyone comfortable, there's some things we need to just not say or some things we need to think about a lot before saying them. It's the reason Sasha got booted, & that we give as much as we get. I'm reading back on his messages, & I didn't say anything in the server to make everyone uncomfortable. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[blaisenova]

what's up gamers, sorry for disappearing for a while there. life's been kicking my ass lately LMAO

to all the people who've sent in requests, i'm working on them!! as for why they're taking so long, see above.

been writing some stuff on and off for a bit, and i'm sure my fellow writers know how it is. when inspiration for something hits, you just kinda shit it out and then move on. i try to put a little more effort into my requests LOL. but i love killer and i also love hurting him, so this is what came out of that. yippee!!

this one goes out to all the people with complicated romantic lives!!!!!!! i see you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so, take this piece of shit to tide you over. thank you guys for your patience <3

content is below the cut due to length and sensitive subjects. as always, it can be found on ao3 in the reblogs if that's your cup of tea.

cw/tw: major character death (offscreen, but a main point), implied/referenced toxic relationship, implied/referenced suicidal ideation, an all around shitty situationship

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Grains of dust fell between his fingers and into his joints, making them crackle when he gripped the faded red scarf in his hands. It was so like when his brother had died, and there was something poetic about that thought, and that poetry was the highest insult the multiverse could have asked him to endure. Nevertheless, there was a distinct lack of snow, and, though his surroundings were deeply familiar – the cool toned darkness of the castle’s atmosphere, broken only by the warm, orange glow of the castle’s mounted lanterns – they would never be as familiar as limbo.

Dust piled beneath his knees, scraping against the bone and leaving it raw, but all Killer could do was press his forehead into the pile before him and hold his breath to prevent it from dispelling; to be as close as possible without disturbing the remains.

When a voice rang out from the shadows, he didn’t startle; its presence had been imminent from the start. It held the same chilled, deep tones of the castle, broken only by the warm dredges of poorly concealed laughter behind its words. Despite himself, Killer found that the tension in his bones melted away at the sound.

“So, you finally killed him.”

It wasn’t a question. There was no surprise.

Voice hoarse, Killer laughed, and the dust darted away from his breath and stuck to the liquid determination that marred his cheeks. “He was hurting me.”

Beside him, someone knelt. Fingers, dark with viscous negativity, ran through the particles and pressed it together testingly. The other hummed, then shook the dust from his hands, as if it were something dirty. Killer shouldn’t have felt so offended at the thought.

“Well, obviously,” Nightmare responded, voice flat with disinterest. “It’s about time that you did something about it.”

Clutching the scarf to his chest, Killer’s soul wobbled unsteadily, and he wheezed. “Do you think– Will– He’ll… He’ll be better when he comes back, right?”

At that, came Nightmare’s laughter – warm, comforting, and Killer hated himself at the feeling – and a hand came to rest against his back. Fingers danced what might have been soothing circles over the fabric of his jacket, coaxing out small noises of misery that Killer hadn’t realised he was holding back. “He’s not like you, Killer,” Nightmare hummed. “He won’t come back.”

At that, came Killer’s laughter – warm, comforting, and Killer hated himself at the feeling – and he curled further into the dust as it continued to try and run away. “Oh,” he breathed. Then, again, “oh. That’s– That’s not what I wanted.”

There was a beat of silence, and Killer breathed in the judgement in the lack of words. “Then,” Nightmare finally drawled, steady in a way Killer could not be, “what did you want?”

A sound was pulled from his chest at the question, somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “I just wanted it to stop hurting,” he hissed. “I… I didn’t want to lose him forever.”

With another hum, Nightmare’s fingers pressed more firmly into Killer’s back, drawing him out of wheezing breaths he hadn’t realised he’d been taking. “Why not, if he was hurting you?”

“Because I loved him,” Killer spat; immediately; bitterly. Then, through a lump in his throat, “love. Because I love him.”

For a moment, Nightmare’s steady ministrations faltered, as if the admission surprised him, though Killer was certain he must have known; must have felt it even through every other emotion that had led them here. Just as soon as he began to miss the touch, though, they started up again, and, once more, he choked on a sob as his soul spasmed against his chest. Each breath was suffocating and filled with dust, coating his bones from the inside out and sticking to him in a way that made him feel sick.

“I didn’t want this,” Killer repeated, like a plea. “What did I do wrong?”

It ran deeper than a slash across the chest and bones crumbling between his fingers, blood painting his sweater bright red. It must have. It must have been more than the final blow.

“I– I fucked up somehow,” he wheezed. “If I just knew how, I… I could have done better. Should have done better. Then, maybe…”

“There’s no point in trying to fix it now,” Nightmare chided, with a subtle gentleness that Killer might not have recognised if not for the tenderness of the hand that pressed between his shoulder blades reassuringly. “You’re agonising over your relationship with a corpse. It cannot hear your apologies.” A beat. “Although, perhaps, it wouldn’t matter even if it could.”

Sockets squeezing shut, Killer bit back a wail. His knuckles ached from the force with which he clung to the scarf, and the soreness extended to his chest, right where his soul sat. “I hurt him,” he said. “He’s gone.” 

All at once, he sat up, and Nightmare’s hand darted away in surprise, cyan socket wide. Dust speckled the dark streaks across Killer’s cheeks and clung to the bone where he’d feverishly pressed his skull against the pile, as if it might feel his touch and spring back to life. Dull, pale eyelights trembled in his sockets, and the expression of pity before him was blurry and unclear, though, something about that was a mercy. 

At the thought, Killer scrubbed at his sockets furiously, trying to deny himself the grace he didn’t deserve. The moment his vision cleared, however, it was blurred again by tears. Idly, he found himself thankful for the threadbare cloth in his hands, without which his fingers would have found their way to his soul and tried to pry the feelings out themselves; another mercy he refused to indulge.

“He’s gone,” Killer repeated. “I was in love with him. And, now, he’s gone, and it’s my fault. I hurt him.”

Through fuzzy vision, Killer watched Nightmare bare his teeth; it could have been a snarl, or maybe a grimace. “You’ll live.”

“I don’t want to live,” he wailed, unable to stop himself. He blinked, and tar-like tears smeared down his cheeks. They dropped down to his chin, then fell into his lap, and a choked sound of anguish left him as he realised the scarf was stained with them. The damage was done, though, and he sobbed louder as he pressed the cloth to his face. His words were muffled through the barrier, “I loved him. I loved him. Why did I hurt him? Why did he hurt me?”

“The multiverse is cruel,” Nightmare said, “and we are but inhabitants of it, carefully crafted to perpetuate its cruelty. You asked too much when you sought out happiness.”

“Then,” he breathed, pulling himself together long enough to speak, “what was I supposed to do?”

“You shouldn’t have fallen in love,” came the answer, simply. “Certainly, not you. Certainly, not with someone like him.”

His breath faltered once more, and something giddy made his soul tremble. A soft rattling emanated throughout his bones, nausea making some deep, magic based part of him broil and burn. He made a sound, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, and held the scarf over his eyes as if going blind to the situation would make it disappear. “Maybe I deserve everything he ever did.”

With a huff that might have been laughter, Nightmare hummed, “Maybe you do.” He gestured to the messy pile of dust – the thin fabric of the scarf easily showing the shifting shadows – and Killer shuddered at the reminder. “And, maybe he did, too.”

At the notion, Killer’s shoulders sagged, and, tiredly, he shook his head. “Not him,” he whispered, reverent. “Never him.”

Again, came that laugh, and there was something frustrated in its bitter tones. “Oh, what a pedestal you’ve placed him on,” he drawled.

“Why don’t you care?” Killer spat, and anger sparked alongside despair like a match to gasoline. All of the exhaustion from before was driven away, and fevered fury took its place. His soul spasmed painfully as he finally yanked the scarf back down to face reality head on, staring Nightmare in the eye with a strange sort of determination to condemn himself. “He was yours, just as I am. Why don’t you care that he’s gone? Why don’t you care what I did to him?”

Refusing the vitriol that he’d been met with, Nightmare’s tone remained carefully even. “And, forget what he did to you?” His head tilted to the side curiously, and he regarded Killer’s crime with indifference. “You’re hardly being fair. It’s not as if you haven’t killed others for much less. It’s not as if he’s not just as replaceable as you.”

Tiredness returned, like a weight in his bones or a fist around his soul, making him wilt. Unconsciously, he leaned towards his king, and Nightmare mercifully closed the distance between them, allowing Killer’s skull to rest against his shoulder. Shame burned alongside misery as he found miniscule comfort in the familiar worthlessness. “No. He was different. He tried,” he mumbled. Then, insistently, “He tried, and he loved me. Who else has ever done that? For me? I don’t deserve it.”

“And, yet, it wasn’t enough,” Nightmare replied, and Killer couldn’t help but cringe at the callousness.

“Well, it should have been,” he persisted. “It should have been enough for me.”

“And, yet,” he repeated, “it wasn’t.”

Scoffing, Killer shifted, pulling his knees up to his chest. He hoped that he looked as small as he felt. “Gee, thanks, Nightmare,” he murmured. “Like I wasn’t already feeling like a piece of shit.” Then, with another scoff and marked bitterness, “I mean– Shit, it’s not even like I was asking for very much, right? Or– Or, I was, I guess, but it shouldn’t be so hard… right? How many people are there in the multiverse that have perfectly healthy relationships? Where they feel like people? Why not me?”

He ran a hand over his skull with an exasperated laugh, pressing his forehead against his knees. “I mean, I know why not. I’m not a person, but is it so much to ask that someone pretends? That… That I don’t fuck everything up without even trying? That I don’t deserve to be hurt?” he hissed, sharply. “That I don’t earn mistreatment simply by being?”

Thick, black rivulets of determination fell from his sockets, and Killer raised his head once more, meeting the chilling cyan of Nightmare’s gaze and feeling an awful lot like he was asking for answers he didn’t really want. “He was trying, Night. I know he was. I saw it,” he insisted, though his words grew soft as his shoulders slumped forward again. “What does it say about me that even when someone is trying not to hurt me, I make them do it anyway? Without even meaning to?” 

He cringed, the tips of his fingers pressing into his bone with a satisfying sting. “And, then, I hurt them back. God, like I don’t deserve it when they do it, right? Like– Like they did?” His gaze went back to the pile of dust. “Like he did? I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t, but I did it anyway, knowing it would hurt, because I’m so selfish that I wanted it to stop hurting me. Like it would ever stop hurting, even if he was gone.”

Finally, Killer fell silent, with a shrug that he could only hope would communicate everything he could no longer force past the lump in his throat and the way his soul wobbled painfully in front of his chest, fighting to make him feel all of the emotions he’d crushed down and bottled up for so long. His sockets burned unpleasantly, but he didn’t dare blink, afraid that the motion would start up a sickening sort of sobbing that he wouldn’t be able to stop until he passed out or died. An unfitting way to go for someone like him; it would hurt, but not enough; never enough, when wallowing in his own self-pity.

When he looked up, he was met with the scrutinising glare of Nightmare’s eyelight, and he felt himself unconsciously straighten, as if that would make him appear any less pathetic.

“Do you know what I think?” Nightmare began, haltingly. “I think… you’re reading too much into the actions of someone who was just as broken as you. Regardless of his intentions, he hurt you, and, now, you’ve hurt him. And, the worst part?” he hummed, almost pleasantly. “It was entirely inevitable. You shouldn’t have fallen in love, Killer.”

Not trusting himself enough to speak, all he could do was nod.

“Pick up the dust of your ruined relationship,” Nightmare continued, and he gently knocked Killer’s skull away from his shoulder as he urged him towards the scattered pile. “Store it away somewhere that you won’t forget; close to your heart, but not in it. Then, move on. There’s nothing more you can do now but that.”

Shaking eyelights, darting from the dust to the tattered scarf gripped between his fingers, stared down at the macabre display of an end that was, in many ways, poetry; poetry of insult. He swallowed his agony. “Will that make it stop hurting?”

Without looking up, Killer could feel the way that Nightmare regarded him, somewhere between disdain and pity. “No,” he said. “But, it’s a start.”

Another dust filled urn on the mantel, each gathering a thin layer of grime that dulls the shine of their golden casket with time. This one would remain golden for a while, like the last, marred by nothing but fingerprints from when he would take it from its place and hold it in his arms. But, eventually, it, too, would lose its beckoning lustre, and its tarnish would mean healing.

Another dust filled urn on the mantel, and here’s to many more.

[j0kers-light]

Hi chaos! I hope you’re having a good day!

I saw your headcanons post for joker x reader who struggles with anemia & loved it so, so much! It’s always lovely when we get to see our favorite characters caring for us in little ways like that, especially when it comes to our daily struggles that often go largely ignored by society. I was wondering if you’d be willing to do a joker x f!reader with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome sometime? And as always, no pressure at all <3

— 🌹

Welcome my sweet 🌹anon!!

You ask, and I deliver! I had to do some extensive research with my mom to make sure I was accurate with this request! I learned so much via articles and short documentaries! Shoutout to my chronic pain sufferers! Chaos acknowledges you and I loves you!!

If anything doesn't sound right let me know 🌹 anon so I can correct it! I hope you enjoy! There are several sub-types of the disease but we'll focus on hEDS for this head canon 🖤✨

Since your disorder is rare and hereditary, there isn't any known treatment or any medical studies/research done to cure the illness. There isn't even a test done to diagnose its so vastly ignored! 😡😡

Society turns a blind eye to _EDS, simply chalking it up to hypermobility and being non-life threatening. WRONG.

hEDS is life threatening and sources fail to address the lifelong chronic pain and other debilitating issues that the rare disease causes. There are 13 sub types with their own crippling ailments.

Joker would hardly notice anything wrong until you go and hurt yourself, which is rather easy due to your fragile skin and joints.

Your body doesn't heal well after injury so bruises linger, scars are permanent, and dislocations are a common occurrence. Yay to pain. 🙃✨

Growing up, it was cool to show off your double joints and overly flexible body but as your age hit the double digits, you noticed the complications of your parlor tricks pretty quickly.

Muscle weakness was the first indicator followed by scarier issues like weak blood vessels and potential organ ruptures. Chronic pain is a reality that you have to endure since your body fails to function properly.

Life grinds to a halt when you have a flare up and Joker arches an eyebrow when you stay in bed for days at a time and work remotely.

Just moving is an impossible feat and your body punishes you for defying its demands for rest. You still have to live your life! Somehow.

Joker tries to crack jokes but you roll your eyes and ignore him. You’re just not in the mood.

He doesn't understand how you can go from practicing yoga in the sunroom to being bedridden in the same hour so he assumes you're faking being sick and that thought makes you cry.

Knowing that your lover believes that you are acting, hurts more than your aching joints and Joker immediately notices when your mental health begins to decline.

Now he's worried. When you can, you do as much as you're able, never knowing when your body will betray you and confine you to bed. Every moment is precious and Joker will never understand that.

Life returns back to "normal" but Joker demands answers. He's still in shock.

Weren't you on death's door just yesterday? Now you're returning to work, laughing and smiling, as if nothing is wrong. He doesn’t know what to think.

So he disappears to search the internet and after hours of clicking away, he's just as confused as when he started. (I feel you J..)

Joker refuses to believe there is nothing he can do to help his Bunny. This hEDS can't keep you down forever. Right? 👀

Why aren't there any studies, or any institutions pledging to find a cure for this?! Does he have to kidnap a doctor or two to get the ball rolling?

Joker remembers he does have a doctor on his payroll. He calls up Sarai and bombards her with the same questions he typed into Google.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BUNNY?🧑‍💻

Sarai doesn't give him much else to go on except keeping you comfortable, well medicated if you take any, and to continue your physical therapy but not too much exercise as to aggravate your joints.

Great... so he's back to square one!

Joker hears you groan from the next room and goes to check on his poor Bunny. He would find a way to make you feel better himself.

You had dozed off for a long quick nap and woke up to the sound of something falling over in the bathroom.

It still hurt to move but at least it wasn’t agonizing anymore. This current pain level you could tolerate.

You were willing yourself to toss the covers back when Joker appeared in the doorway looking rather sheepish.

“Hey doll. Uhh are ya feeling up to move?” He scanned you over as if he could gauge your pain tolerance by sight. Your small smile gave him some hope.

“Mmm. I gotta get up and fix something to eat.” You were weak and probably dehydrated from lying in bed all day, but that was to be expected.

Joker watched you swing a leg over and rushed to your side. “I uh.. ran a bath. If ya want. A Reddit post mentioned ah.. hoT water being helpful.”

It didn’t dawn on you just what Joker was saying. All you heard was the latter part of his sentence. “You have a Reddit account?”

He smacked his lips while helping you slowly walk towards the en-suite bath. To your surprise, the bath was waiting for you with a rolling cart next to it, hopefully with something to snack on.

You were speechless. “J… you did all this for me?”

He looked away and you got the impression that he was blushing. He still had his clown makeup on so you couldn’t tell for sure.

“Thank you J. I mean it.” He helped you sit on the nearby wooden bench after you kissed his cheek. “Um. I can undress myself.. if you need to—ah! Okay! You’re seriously doing this.”

Joker started with your socks and worked his way up until not a single thread of fabric was left on your body. You felt so exposed sitting there nude while Joker dipped his hand into the bath water.

It was hot enough to be medicinal but not scalding. He snapped his fingers and dashed over to the storage area to grab your bag of epsom salt before dumping a few cups in.

You got to see a rare softer side of Joker hard at work. No one would believe you if you reported this. The Joker, Gotham City’s worst nightmare, was preparing you a bath with the greatest care.

“All-right-yyy ya ready pretty girl?” Joker’s voice snapped you out of your daydream. He playfully flicked some water at you to get your attention.

You couldn’t flinch away and huffed your displeasure.

“I couldn’t resist, Bunny. Now in ya go! Hold onto my shoulders, yeah?” He picked you up as if you were made of glass and gently lowered you into the bath. “Easy doll, I know it’s hot. Just relax.”

Joker shushed any whimpers you made and held you steady underneath the water. For the next few unbearable moments, Joker was right there whispering sweet nothings to calm you down.

Finally you relaxed with a deep sigh, “This is perfect.”

“Good. If ya want, you can rest a bit. I’ll keep you.. well you know.. from drowning. But ya do need to eat something first. Here.” He dried his hand off and fed you a [insert favorite snack].

You felt like royalty and Joker had no issue helping you adjust to the role. He fed you piece by piece, offering you sips of water in between while holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles on your skin with his thumb.

The contact warmed your heart. Joker may not know much about your medical condition, but he would always be there to support you.

You couldn’t ask for a better partner.

[doberbutts]

As Disability Discourse 2.0 crosses my dash yet again I am left sort of wondering where the line is.

I am physically disabled. I am also neurodivergent. I do not consider myself mentally ill but I know that there are people out there with my exact diagnoses that do consider themselves mentally ill.

I have a brain injury. You can point to it on an MRI. I have the images to prove it. I had to re-teach myself how to speak. Those weird typos I have sometimes? Yeah my brain just reads letters wrong and sometimes spits out the wrong word or tense or grammatical structure sorry, that’s what happens when your brain gets shaken around in your head like a maraca following a serious car accident. I have a permanent tremor in my right hand and arm which results in me being incapable of fine motor control when having a flare. I am photosensitive and relatively intolerant of stress. I knocked an eye loose and was thankfully able to keep it but occasionally need to cover it or else it feels like someone is stabbing me directly in the brain when there is literally any light or movement whatsoever.

Did you know that over 30% of people who survive TBIs debate and even attempt to kill themselves within the first year? It’s still a bit unresearched but many neurologists believe it’s because many survivors have a hard time adjusting to their new normal when it feels like they have lost all control over themselves. I did not get that bad but I had many meltdowns where I would sob uncontrollably because it was all just Too Much, and the knowledge that it would be Too Much, Forever was curse over comfort.

Is that a mental or a physical disability? A part of my brain is damaged, like a scar. It is entirely neurological and mental in its symptoms.

I was diagnosed with a different brain condition, one that affects the autonomic nerve within my brain, causing fainting episodes, out-of-control mast cells, horrific digestive problems, and joints that bend a little too much. Average quality of life after diagnosis is roughly equivalent to someone with end stage heart failure.

A part of my brain is faulty and always has been. It is entirely physical in its symptoms. Is this a mental or physical disability?

My knee hurts. I was knocked off my bike one day on my way home from college. It was a hit-and-run driver and I didn’t have the money or the insurance to do more than slap a brace on it and limp around for several weeks while it healed. Less than a decade later it gave out. I was completely unable to walk for months. I lost my job. I ended up switching careers entirely so I could sit. I walk with a cane. I have to physically drag myself up stairs with my arms and my “good” leg. I spend nights grasping at my knee willing it to stop spasming as I try to get some sleep. I’ve had to beg for painkillers. Surgery will not help it. My knee is Completely Fucked, Forever.

This is a clear physical disability, that much is for sure.

I recently went to see Spiderverse. I warned my friend that it was entirely possible I’d need to duck out at some point because the movie would overwhelm me. I also warned her that I would probably need to immediately rest or go home and would not be able to hang out because I was anticipating it to be Sensory Hell. I went in prepared with my own snacks, tinted glasses to take the edge off the flashing, and even looked away during some of the worst of it.

I needed to duck out after an extended chase scene which featured a lot of flashing lights. I was able to come back and finish the movie. I needed nearly an hour of rest to stop shaking and be safe to drive myself home. I immediately went to bed upon getting home at about 4pm and by the time it was night had a pounding headache and shivers. I knew this would probably happen because the first one was very bad for my brain injury and I’d been pre-warned the second one was worse about it- truly I think it is really those movies’ biggest flaws is that they are very not friendly to people with problems with bright flashing lights.

My knee did not prevent me from entering the building. The theater was wheelchair accessible.

But even with sensory provisions, my brain injury and faulty nerve made it a monumental task to just finish a two and a half hour task of literally just sitting there.

I could go in. Staying was the part that was in question.

[accioprocrastination]

Estranged (part 2/?)

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Reader

A/n: fluff, angst, grief

Summary: Rooster and his ex best friend go to dinner

The two of you drive in convoy to the small diner that you spent 90% of your childhood in.

Every time you look in your rearview mirror and see is the broncho he's had since you were 18, you feel a mixture of giddiness and fear.

"Why did I fucking agree to this?" You mutter pulling into the parking lot.

Without giving yourself more time to worry about the uncomfortable reality of this reunion, you walk over to his car and wait for him to clamber out.

You follow him as he walks to your booth - the third one in from the back on the right. As a kid you would always insist on sitting in this exact booth because this is the best location to people watch. Scooting in across from him you wonder if he remembered that or if this is a weird coincidence.

"What's that look for?" he asks eyebrows scrunched together.

"Huh?" You respond, trying to ignore him as you pick up the menu from the table.

"Why bother looking?" He asks eyebrows raising, knowing that you both already know what you're ordering.

"What if something else looks better?" you ask.

"Better than the world's best pancakes, what planet are you on over there Kazansky?" He teases.

You roll your eyes as a waitress starts approaching your table.

She takes your orders all the while giving Bradshaw heart eyes. You watch her walk away and glance between the two of you in your peripheral. She's debating whether he's single. Or whether she can take you.

"So?" He asks expectantly.

"So what?" You respond.

"Tell me everything that has happened since we last spoke." He clarifies.

"I drove here and - " You say and he kicks you playfully under the table to stop you talking.

"You know that's not what I meant!" he interrupts.

"Yeah I know..." You respond unsure of what he actually wants you to say. You haven't spoken to Bradley in years it would feel weird to keep things surface level and weird to be as intimate as you used to be.

"Things haven't been great since the last time we spoke." You admit.

"I'm sorry about your dad. I heard through the grapevine that he's sick again." He says reaching for your hand across the table.

You change the conversation topic back to him, asking "What about you, how have you been?"

"A bit all over the place. Work is great now but it's taken forever to get to that stage. I got married since the last time we spoke - " he starts summarising his life over the last few years.

You don't interrupt him but the thoughts in your head come to a grinding halt and then suddenly torrent your mind to the point that whatever he says next is lost on you.

He got married and didn't invite you to his wedding.

Mr Perfect married someone you've never met.

"How did you meet her?" You ask automatically presuming their gender.

"At a joint birthday party of two pilots I was stationed with a few years back." He responds.

"Cool." You say not bothering to sound less disinterested.

You know you fell out of touch but it hurts that he wouldn't invite you to his wedding.

How could he marry someone you don't even know the name of?

"What about you, are you seeing anyone, married, divorced etc?" He asks.

"You know me Brads, my standards are too high to date people." You respond not telling him that your life is in the exact same place it was last time you spoke, except this time your dad is dying.

"Hahahahaha yeah do you remember when Ryder tried to get you to go out with him?" He questions, bringing an uncontrollable smirk out on your face.

"Stop." You say to him with a giggle. "That was the most embarrassing day of my life it genuinely gives me nightmares thinking about that still! We were literally eleven - surely people have enough common sense not to do that at that age?" You ask giving Bradley a dramatic look that makes him start cackling.

You snigger thinking that no one at that age should have a total lack of self awareness to the point that they think asking someone out via a break dance routine is a good idea.

"He broke his fucking leg doing that and you still said no." Bradley is red from laughing at the memory of you trying to shield behind him while being serenaded.

You both stop laughing as the waitress approaches the table and you order your usuals.

"Shocking choice." Bradley murmurs as you went for the same thing you always go for. You roll your eyes at him, annoyed that he would have to comment on that.

Your phone buzzes on the table between the two of you with a text from Coyote, then seconds later it buzzes with a second text "Hangman". Bradshaw mouths from across the table.

You don't have previews on so all you can see is his name on your screen.

It is quickly followed by an onslaught of other texts.

"Do you want to get that?" Bradley asks.

You shake your head not one of those people who will sit glued to their phone when out with someone else.

"You seem close with Hangman." he probes.

"Yeah." You respond seeing the distain on his face as clear as day. "I take it you're not?"

He huffs.

"He's an idiot in the air and on the ground." Bradley shakes his head.

You open your mouth to call him the idiot when the waitress appears.

"Oh you're a pilot?" the waitress asks placing his food in front of him.

He nods totally oblivious to her advances or completely uninterested.

She's literally put lipstick on since she took our orders.

You're annoyed.

This feels awkward and forced and all you really want to do is pick up your phone and read whatever Jake and Javy are saying.

The waitress comes back to ask if everything is okay with the food.

You've gotta be joking, you think when you see that she's taken off layers to show some skin and has undone a few buttons on her shirt.

"Do you think if we stick around long enough she'll get naked?" you remark.

He raises his eyebrows at you looking completely clueless.

"Who?" he says confused.

"The waitress you dipshit." you say without thinking. "She's been flirting with you all night, you cannot be that oblivious." You add shaking your head.

"You jealous?" he teases.

"In your dreams Bradshaw." you roll your eyes, not admitting that there might be some truth behind that.

Part 1 in case you missed it

Masterlist

[dearabby1990]

Chapter 11: You didn’t hear it from me..

Eddie leans forward ready for whatever information Gareth has to offer. “Okay dude I’ll tell you everything I know but you didn’t hear it from me understand?! My mom will kill me if she finds out I’m saying anything her Aunt & my mom have been friends since middle school theyd both have my head on a stick!” Eddie nods in agreement & extends his hand as a solid promise to his friend not to say a word about what he’s about to hear. “I guess I’ll start at the beginning.. her aunt & cousin have been camping with my mom & I for as long as I can remember mostly because of my dad taking off her uncle took me fishing and hunting a lot manly activity is what he’d call it & every once in awhile Jessica would have Jamie with her so I’ve known her for quite some time too it’s why we waive at each other it’s not like that at all trust me we’re not each others type she’s more like a sister if anything. I know some of her but the younger her before everything happened… well her mom ended up getting really sick it was bad Ed in & out of the hospital for what felt like forever just to end up being hooked to a million machines at home for hospice.. during the hospital stays Jamie was passed around a lot staying with random family members her dad always prioritized work before Jamie or her mom but we all knew he was cheating with his secretary I overheard my mom on the phone with her Aunt Betty Jane & after Jamie’s mom passed away her dad took to the bottle & started hurting her when he wasn’t completely ignoring her she took a map out one day & tossed a dart at it in hopes of starting a new life away from all the bullshit & when it landed here she thought it was gods way of saying she needed to be with her aunt… Jamie has been through hell shit even her prom was ruined by some fuckin prick jock I’m still looking for that piece of shit too I’ll kill him I swear it!!” Eddie’s eyes pop out of his head “Gareth what the fuck happened at prom?! What guy did he hurt her?!” Gareth put his hands on his friends shoulders making him sit back down. “Look this dude was a grade a prick him & his jock buddies made a bet that he couldn’t get her to goto prom with him & put out & embarrassed her in front of the whole school they carried her minus the blood he made fun of her & said something along the lines of she looks like a pig or something but I remember Jessica being on the phone at my house & the way Jamie was crying it just made my blood boil it’s why she’s so self conscious about how she looks in her head she thinks shes ugly,fat & undeserving of love because of all she’s been through it’s why she’s not letting you in Eddie I wish you would’ve came to us before the twerps but then again you didn’t know I knew her” Eddie’s heart breaks as he tries to wrap his head around all he’s just been told. How could anyone do such things to you? Eddie thought you’re pure perfection & anyone who’s hurt you he’d surely teach a lesson or two or kick their ass whatever came first. Him & Gareth share a few joints as he fills him in on all he knows of happy Jamie so he can help open her heart to him he’d do anything to make you smile. Learning your favorite colors & songs favorite flowers and animal to see at the zoo of course it’d be a Siberian tiger they’re exotic & beautiful like you. He’d be sure to go get you a stuffed animal & write you a letter to leave on your doorstep he is determined to get you to not only open up to him but fully let him in. You’re all he can think about he’s already written several songs and made several d&d characters that all look oddly like you even Mike & dustin noticing the resemblances of each elf & fairy that’s been presented over the past few weeks. He’s been trying to find the right words to say to you he’s already got a 2 foot stuffed tiger at home for you in his closet & a card all picked out and set on his desk he just doesn’t know what or how to say what he feels. Eddie isn’t used to feeling this way about someone the idea of love itself scared him to death but not when it came to you he was ready.